#i love that i have erased so much of it from my brain autistic self care

[sharkfish]

Ace headcanons for cas are actually. Kind of bad because they’re rooted in ableism, he’s coded as autistic before any headcanons come into play and people just LOVE to make every autistic character asexual.

if you’re not autistic and coming onto an ace persons post about how they don’t like ace headcanons about a queer autistic character you’re not the hero you think you are

Sincerely an autistic ace person who hates the way neurotypical aces write ace cas and wish you’d stop because it’s clear y’all hate us 🫠

i'm a little stoned so bear with me while i try to arrange vaguely coherent sentences to think through this. edit: i'm so fucking sorry for the disaster that follows. my brain is working about as well as my electric fence is rn, whose charger is currently in the red and says "CHECK FENCE" (because i guess the dial in the red doesn't make it clear enough i've got a problem). despite that... i hope someone out there has some idea wtf i'm trying to say and can help me out here.

this is literally the first time i have ever heard anyone express something like this, and i've seen a whole lot of talk from autistic people, ace people, autistic ace people, etc, about how much cas (& their reading or hc of cas as autistic and/or ace) means to them.

—background info: i am neurodivergent, but not autistic. i'm also ace.

—sidenote: thank you for bringing the ace autistic stereotype to my attention. i'm legit not sure how honest this ask is in general, but thinking back on autistic characters i've seen in media, i can see that being a thing. there's a long history of seeing people with a variety of disabilities* (*i know there's some nuance and conversation around whether or not autism can/should be actually considered a disability) as uninterested (even undeserving!!!) in sex or romance, as if PWD aren't fully-fledged humans with rich interior lives just like everyone else. that's not ok!

—sidenote 2: i made a mistake in my OG reblog of that post by even bringing canon into it. it's like pointing out bible contradictions to christians in an attempt to deconvert them--it's irrelevant because the bible isn't a real story. i don't fuck with canon. the author is dead. etc. BUT that doesn't mean the way people interpret a character can't be Problematic (for lack of a better term) when we compare it to canon. i just shouldn't have brought canon into it because i don't actually care about those specifics.

so -- i'm not doubting the validity of a character being "-coded," because that has been the only way for many people to see themselves represented in media (see: hays code, etc). i think there might be a convo to be had here though about how we define "-coded." ugh i'm struggling to articulate what i mean, but i guess... when is it "-coded" and when is it "i see myself in this character, regardless of authorial intent" and when is it "i will make this character x thing because i damn well want to and not even god himself can stop me." smarter people than i have talked about this i'm sure. i'm just not sure the threshhold where a character is "-coded" (or "similar to" or whatever) where it is canon to the point where representing a character otherwise is erasing a marginalized identity.

i'm trying to suss through in my head.... ugh, something about cas being non-human without any understanding of human mannerisms, culture, etc, in-universe. i understand people seeing themselves there. i see myself there — i often feel like an outsider, like someone who can't show my true self to any of the people around me, even the ones i love, i often feel lost in a world with rules i don't understand or agree with (some of which are around sex!). but i guess as an allistic person, i would feel really uncomfortable declaring a character autistic when the mannerisms/etc that tend to lead autistic people to seeing themselves in him are literally caused by him being non-human. to me that feels like some sort of implication that autistic people are not quite human.

if i'm understanding what you're saying, it sounds like it would have to be clear to everyone that he is autistic, and representing him as anything else would be ableist (bc erasure). maybe i'm totally totally off-base here. but i guess i'm asking myself if making him allistic is erasure, or if deciding a not-human character is autistic because of their alienness is a little hinky in itself.

—it is worth nothing that the OG post that led to this ask did not say anything about cas being autistic. maybe you're OP and you just forgot to include the most important part of your "cas can't be ace" argument (i would tend to think "it's ableist" is a better argument than "he's horny"), or maybe we're just moving off on a tangent, or whatever.

as an autistic ace person, i imagine you know how little (respectful) rep there is out there for autistic people and ace people, much less autistic ace people. do you legitimately not want to see someone like you in stories? do you legitimately want to put a ban on ace autistic characters?

because you're certainly not alone as an ace autistic person, and other autistic ace people deserve to see themselves. art exists so we can see and be seen. (art is also discovery, which is another reason representation is so important!) and i have cried, actual wet tears on my face, from seeing characters who look like me. i cried the first time i heard a character identify themselves as ace in popular media. shit, i'm old enough that i still get emotional seeing queer couples in media and just existing out loud. that shit really, really matters, not just to reduce stigma but to tell people they aren't alone. (i also cry when someone leaves a comment on one of my ace stories or trans stories or stories with mentally ill characters saying it made them feel less alone.)

i have bipolar. the optics on bipolar are not good and there are a lot of fucked up representations of people with it. people fuck it up more often than not. but banning people from writing bipolar characters is moving in the wrong direction. we have to be thoughtful, and we have to examine ourselves and others, and we have to do it right. there's just no way to do it right if you can't do it at all.

ultimately i'm just not sure how it's fair to say a character can't be ace if they are also autistic(/adjacent). hell, you're going to have a hard time convincing me it's fair to say a character can't be ace for any reason.

—sidenote: is this like the anti thing where you have to declare your traumas and diagnonsensicals so everyone knows it's Acceptable for you to write a certain topic? like, if it turned out i was autistic, would it then be ok for me to write ace autistic characters? as mentioned before, the OG post didn't say anything about autism and neither did i. or did you 100% know i don't have autism because i think it's ok to hc cas as ace? anon, are you allowed to hc a character as ace and autistic?

honestly this came so out of left field. the idea of "i am both x and y, but it is Wrong for a character to be both x and y" is so strange. it brings to mind people who are like "GOD you WOKE IDIOT SNOWFLAKES, i'm so TIRED of you forcing diversity in my face, WHY is this character black AND a wheelchair user?!" and of course the answer is... because some people are black and use wheelchairs? i think this is one of those situations where we go so overboard trying to do the right thing (e.g., not create disrespectful representations of autistic people) that we end up with the same result as the people who want to do the wrong thing (e.g., no one is allowed to write characters with multiple marginalized identities).

sincerely, a person who is sincerely confused by an autistic ace person saying characters are not allowed to be both autistic and ace

ps: just for funsies i was looking to see if there was an autistic ace mash-up pride flag (saw one someone suggested on reddit but there doesn't appear to be one widely used) and learned a fun fact! a survey of 2400 autistic adults found they were 3-9x more likely to identify themselves as asexual, homosexual, or bisexual than the general population. the article mentions that folks who answered the survey were specifically 8x more likely to describe themselves as asexual than the general pop. this is completely irrelevant to the actual discussion in this post, just something to say when mom asks if you learned anything on tumblr dot com today.

[corvidares]

aug!! some questions from the ask game for youuu: 11, 12, 28?

autism asks

11. If you could give any advice to your younger self, what would it be?

oh boy okay.

just cuz some stuff is easier for you doesn’t mean that other things aren’t harder. one doesn’t erase the other, okay? i know you’re not really able to come to terms with these struggles yet and that’s okay. but please try to stop comparing yourself to others and what they’re capable of. and, more importantly, stop holding yourself up to an impossible standard. it’s never going to be worth it, and your parents and your real friends will love you just as much.

12. Do you headcanon any characters as autistic? If you want, tell us why you headcanon them as autistic.

yes oh my god so many. hits my faves with the autism beam. some examples;

Miles Edgeworth i’m into ace attorney right now and edgeworth like.. hes very much an ambitious man who’s a stickler to his own rules and ways of seeing the world. he plans and prepares for EVERYTHING. he has an extremely hard time communicating and connecting with people, but he can understand them in objective ways that enable him to do his job so effectively. also he bounces off of phoenix’s adhd in the best way lmao

c!ranboo

i think cranboo has some other brain soup goin on, but hes definitely autistic if you ask me. they become overwhelmed in high intensity (high sensory) situations easily. theyre over empathetic to a point of self destruction and causing others to dislike them for being supposedly lacking in moral viewpoints. (on the contrary they have very STRONG personal morals) theyre friendly with many (masking) but only lets a few people get close. actually speaking of masking good lord does he do that. nearly everyone they encounter only sees a “presentable” more “normal” side of them.

28. How long do your special interests usually last for?

sO in my head there are two “types” of my special interests. the first tend to last 1-2 years, being more cyclical and predictable. the second “type” is one that remains for many years - examples being birds and pokemon. pokemon has been a special interest of mine since i was 10 years old, and birds have been since high school. back in middle school / high school, freshwater fishkeeping was my special interest! this type is nice bc its always there and i can always fall back on it. itll always make me happy and i can rely on them while im engaged with smth else or if i dont have a current cyclical special interest.

#thank youuuu elle :> #asks #ask games

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

every time i don’t remember a reference/plot point to bbc sh*rlock is a good day. nature is healing.

#i love that i have erased so much of it from my brain autistic self care #rey actually speaks

[lilmaru]

kinda want to rant...

i’m autistic and got tested when i was a child, was put through aba therapy, blah blah, if you know you know, at the time i was labeled as “high functioning” with a “learning disability” instead of just straight up autistic and recently i’ve been realizing how much that really fucked me up (besides aba therapy fucking me, binch if you know you know and to the rest, it sucks)

my learning disability is that my short term memory sucks, all anyone needs to do to adjust is repeat things occasionally and most nt’s really struggle with that but i’ve had to structure my entire life for them. except when i was a child i didn’t KNOW i was structuring my entire life for them, i didn’t know that’s why i was struggling so hard

no one around me was like “hey your brain is different you’re not stupid, you function differently and process reality differently” but instead it was constantly forced on me that i was dumb and me struggling to fit into the mold of “neurotypical” was my fault

like holy shit if someone had told me what neurodivergency was, if someone had erased the stigma and the ableist voice in my head i wouldn’t be going through so much social and emotional development in my fucking twenties

i had to pretend to be someone i wasn’t for YEARS and this greatly affected my mental health and relationships so like thank god i get to isolate and look inward and have a moment to fucking breath and leave all that behind to figure myself out, goddamn nt’s are fucking exhausting to deal with

i just really wish someone had been like “all your self hatred stems from ableism and being neurodivergent is okay” or someone was like “you listen to music to stim and anime is clearly your special interest you little autistic baby” or like “your best friends are autistic do you hate them and all their little habits? no binch because it’s 100% okay”

but also i’ve been thinking about how obvious it was that i am autistic and just how ableist society is...

me, a triple pisces, an absolute baby, cried during the ghost scene of pompoko because it’s the best three minutes of any movie i’ve ever seen, got called “an unfeeling bitch” or more professionally “looks like you don’t care” on multiple occasions by a variety of people because i wasn’t emotionally available to them/what the fuck do you want from me leave me alone?

anyway i love y’all and to all the neurodivergents and queers i love you the most, keep slamming it because it’s making the world a better place for everyone

#tw: albeism #i hope everything gets better soon and i can see people again #even tho i have completely forgotten how to act #what was masking like lol i have forgotten #watch pompoko please #for the balls

[snugglyporos]

Okay ya’ll I have to rant for a good minute about the Fate series because my stupid autistic brain has been hyper focusing on it for the past four hours and I need to put these thoughts down or I’ll never get rid of them. 

I’m so... disappointed? frustrated? mad? Idk what I think. It’s all of these things to see such a great idea executed so awfully. So lazily. So incompetently. 

Because I can’t help constantly engaging with it and going ‘you know, this would be really good if they just did x.’ There’s so many monumental moments of stupidity that I can’t help but go ‘wow that’s dumb as hell.’

There’s a rule in fiction where the larger the stakes are, the more complex and unwieldy it gets, because it effects more things. That’s why usually the best fiction involves low stakes overall, or personal stakes, because you don’t need to then consider the cosmological complications of your story. Having a story that involves magic, time travel, secret organizations, multiple illuminati organizations on top of those, and countless other bullshit does not make for a coherent or compelling story. 

I’ve said before that one thing I hate is the idea of a ‘world organization.’ It’s lazy as hell. If Russia and China couldn’t get along when they were both communist, the idea that the entire world with all its varying ideologies and ethnic groups could be run by one group of people is nonsense. People can barely coexist with others like themselves. Furthermore, in our age of nationalism, the idea that say, China would have their top brass subserviant to western illumiati is stupid. It’s also stupid in the reverse. The idea that all of ANYTHING is ruled by one group of people is stupid and it makes you look lazy to write things like that.

Second, trying to put your story in the ‘real world’ or any image of it while claiming that all the world’s mages belong to one organization while ‘the church’ that runs all religions exists is stupid. It defies belief. It also wouldn’t be an issue if they weren’t dead set on trying to explain how this goes on in the ‘real world’. 

Also, apparently time travel exists. Also, all of human history was erased. Yet somehow they go back in time, and summon people from the future. You know, going back to a time that doesn’t exist, and summoning people from the future who haven’t been born yet, who also don’t exist. Time travel is ALWAYS stupid. It’s ALWAYS bad. Always. Because the core notions and questions that it brings up immediately reveal why it is stupid. Let’s say you sent one person back in time. If you witnessed it, and didn’t go with them, you should now not exist. Why? Because the act of something being somewhere that it wasn’t before creates a paradox. The only way it doesn’t is if the world you lived in is the same world where they went back in time, and that raises questions about fate and free will, and most authors simply aren’t interested in getting that metaphysical, and as such render their stories incredibly stupid. 

But! Let’s try, for the sake of arguement, to put aside all this nonsense. Does the core idea of the story make sense? Are there clear, defined rules? No! Nothing makes any goddamn sense. Apparently, magic exists, but then there are magic circuts, which aren’t explained. The rules about everything is not explained and is frequently contradicted. Example. Who can be summoned, and how? Sometimes, it’s anyone. Sometimes, it’s different versions of someone. Sometimes, it requires a piece attached to that someone. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes, where the person is summoned changes how powerful they are, and sometimes it doesn’t.

But they can’t even get their basic shit right. Example: is Dracula a vampire or is he not? Because the series can’t decide if it wants to allow people from history OR people from fiction to be summoned, it can’t decide if someone like Vlad III is undead or not. Are you going with the version of history where he was an insane, murderous, nationalistic king? Or are you going with the version from the story of Dracula, a work of fiction? You can’t have it both ways!

Here’s another example: can you summon gods or not? Heracles is summoned, and Heracles is a god. He was literally made into a god at the end of his own story. Even if you go ‘well, the version that people can summon is his non-god self from before the end’ he is still a demigod. Which means that you’re now getting into weird territory where it’s unclear who and what counts as someone who can be summoned.

But then you get into having to think about all the weird historical revisionism that the series plays with. Look, historical fiction can be fine. What I don’t understand is the series’ weird fixation with turning some of histories worst individuals into anime girls. You could certainly, for example, make a version of King Arthur where all the sexes are switched. Granted, a whole lot of the story wouldn’t work, because characters like Morgan Le Fay and Mordred no longer work in their story roles anymore. But you could, theoretically do it. 

What I don’t get is why the series says, ‘you know who we should depict as a kind and gentle anime babe? Nero.” You know, the Nero who kicked his pregnant wife to death, castrated a man and forced him to marry him, put on plays that people were forced to attend and then executed anyone who yawned or sneezed during his performances, and who built a private lake where the Colosseum now is, put a floating house on it, and had the ceiling have an accurate replica of the starry night sky using precious gems, only to then remark that ‘now I can live like a human being.’ Yeah, that Nero. Clearly, this just screams that we need to depict them as being a kind and gentle ruler, and not say, an unstable psychopath who sees himself as a literal god walking upon the earth. 

But that’s not even their worst offence. They turn Elizabeth Bathory into a pop idol. You know, one of histories worst serial killers? The person who had innocent women murdered and then bathed in their blood? Yes, clearly that is someone we should portray as an innocent girl. 

And it’s not like history is lacking in great women who did fantastic things. There are scores of heroines to choose from if you want to use them. You don’t need to pick serial killers and sex change the most insane emperors.

But even some of the ones they do pick don’t make sense. Why the fuck is Marie Antoinette considered a ‘heroic spirit?’ If we go by her in popular myth, she’s best known for something she didn’t say, which is ‘let them eat cake.’ Why the fuck did that mean ‘let’s make her someone who is entirely misunderstood and loves the peasants?’ Also, why a ‘rider’ and choose her for that because of her being pulled in a cart to her execution? The fuck?

It beggars belief. It utterly confounds the mind. It’s lazy, and its shoddy. Almost as shoddy as the notion of ‘classes’ which makes no sense and apparently has a heirarchy, which itself makes no sense if the whole point of having people fight is to decide something. Having people fight where someone gets an innately better class at random makes no sense. Hell, having classes at all makes no sense. Having it be okay for the things you summon to kill those who summoned them to win makes no sense, because if all you needed to do was kill each other, you don’t need heroes to do that! 

Hell, the fact that they’re fighting over the ‘holy grail’ and that it was made in japan is nonsense already. The holy grail is literally arthurian legend. I know japan gets a pass for this shit, but I don’t know why. Everyone rolls their eyes when they say that ancient egyptians look exactly like modern day japanese people, but apparently it’s also okay that they just straight up steal something from arthurian legend as a premise... and then entirely botch that premise or understanding anything ABOUT it. 

Here’s an idea. If you’re going to use the holy grail as your plot device, you know the thing Jesus drank out of at the last supper, maybe don’t then say that people can just make them all over the place? That’d be like if in the last crusade, all of the cups that Indiana Jones found were all capable of being the holy grail. It’s stupid.

Why is it so hard to just do something simple? You don’t need to overcomplicate this shit. Grab some characters who each want a thing they can’t have, have them be represented by some great hero, have them fight for that thing, and you’re done! You don’t need to bring time travel, the illuminati, nonsense magical rules, and metaphysical shit into this! 

Again, maybe the creators have no desire to do anything other than try and see how many awful historical people they can put boobs on. It’s starting to remind me of that book that went around a few years back where someone drew history’s greatest murderers as anime babes, so you could see guys like Stalin, Hitler, and Pol Pot as big tiddy anime girls. Why? Idk. 

But if the series wants to do that, if all it wants to do is wallow around in its own shit, it’s taking way too much time and effort trying to make up stupid nonsense. It’s just so frustrating and disappointing to see an idea with such promise be farted away by people who clearly do not give a shit about what they’re making in the slightest. It’s a damn shame.

#ooc #rant

[rimurutempest-bounced]

questions for neurodivergent folks ( from @shitborderlinesdo )

post here!

if ur autistic:

1. do you stim?

yes, sometimes! i’ve suppressed a lot of it over time but i still do some subtly.

 if so, what are yr favourite stims? 

touching/tapping the tips of my fingers together, stroking soft patches of skin(esp backs of my hands, wrists, or parts of my thighs, hips, ankles), cracking knuckles, stretching fingers/feet/arms/legs rly far, rapid blinking(though i also have a tic involving blinking which is similar, but involuntary), bubble wrap,flicking light switches/door lock mechanisms, bouncing on toes, toewalking, chewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(esp pens/pen caps and similar textures), biting, mouthing/lipping things, clacking my teeth lightly, whistling, leg jiggle sometimes, jumping, skipping, hopping, and a few other rly specific things (like involving swimming, or being on something and hanging so im upside down and stuff)

2. happy stims? chewing, biting, skin stroking, finger tapping, skipping, hopping, jumping 3. negative stims? snapping fingers, “hiccuping” (it’s a little giggle/hiccup type thing i do, but idk what to call it), teeth clacking, leg jiggle, exposing too long to extreme cold temps, hitting head against things 4. favourite textures? idk how to explain the soft-smooth i like; silk usually looks like it should feel like this, but it doesn't. also when people talk about “plush velvet” the texture that comes to mind is good, like a really nice stuffed animal or a cavalier king charles spaniel with super soft fur, but real velvet feels bad lol. also just most fur in general, esp rabbit, cat, certain dogs. some wing or chest feathers on birds like doves. milk weed fluff. soft, squishy, fuzzy caterpillars(not the bristly guard hair ones. more like forest tent caterpillars), moon jellies, soft leather/suede, really smooth grey granite, polished shiny pink granite, lambs ear/mullein 5. least favourite textures? some types of linen are VERY BAD but idk what they are, they’re like stiff and scratchy and feel super cold? gummy bears, ew. really hard chocolate in cold ice cream, a lot of faux furs, like so many, most (sheep)wool, scallops, often times chinchilla fur feels bad, most velvet, esp crushed velvet, potato sacks, a lot of plastic bags/thin plastic film 6. what's a pet peeve of urs involving a specific sound? squeaky plastic is the worst, esp from plastic wrap. teeth grinding/bruxing is bad, hearing people having sex in another room/apt, heavy footsteps/stomping, esp when fast like running, door slamming, when people slam their hands on a table because they just thought of something, the sound quality of like...having water in your ears/popped ear drums, where everything feels muffled and almost whispery/far away, but also REALLY LOUD AND CLOSE... 7. a specific sound that makes you Really Happy? al snoring softly like a cat, my cat snoring, cats purring, crackling fires, wind whistling, waves lapping, thunder rumbling, THUNDER CRACKING, wood creaking in a strong wind, that soft snuffling of cat/dog noses, the sound of rodents digging in bedding or eating millet, angel caller bells(bola, fairy callers, whatever you call them) 8. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)? about 6 years ago what has changed with the diagnosis? i dont hate myself for as much of my behaviours/thinking/speech patterns. im slowly trying to let myself let go of “survival mode” NT behaviours i was forced to learn 9. are there any behaviours you have that, prior to diagnosis, didnt make much sense, but now they do? too many to list lmao 10. what kind of representation would you like to see of autistic ppl in media? girls, trans folks, autistics of colour, just less cis white boy perfect example savants. autistics with “atypical” autistic symptoms. autistics with ugly meltdowns and other unpleasant symptoms. autistics who are messy eaters, who can’t dress themselves, who struggle with everyday tasks and self care. autistics with “useless” special interests that cant be reworked to make them more productive genius types. LOUD autistics.  

if ur mentally ill:

11.when were you diagnosed (self or professional)?

6 yrs old or younger

12. what is your diagnosis/are your diagnoses?

BPD, (various types of)depression, DPD/social anxiety(when i’m alone)/agoraphobia, panic disorder NOS, mood disorder NOS, DID, ADD/ADHD-PI, ASD, gender dysphoria at one point, conduct disorder or whatever it was called. IED. all i can think of. all diagnosed professionally over the years, though ASD is not on any official records because i asked it to be left off to avoid that specific abuse/stigma.

13. is the community youve found with other mentally ill ppl helpful?

mostly no. but in some ways, yes. i appreciate having more access to info, hearing relatable stories, common symptoms/experiences that help me understand things better, etc. close friends with illnesses/disorders are nice, but mostly i know them for other reasons outside of diagnoses.

14. do you find it challenging to tell ppl yr mentally ill?

absolutely

15. what are the most effective coping mechanisms youve found?

im not sure. i just...cope? somehow? not always effectively, but idk.

16. have you ever been to therapy?

ya

if yes, what helped and what didnt help?

i hate group therapy. in individual therapy, i like having my husband sit in on the sessions for support. therapist NEEDS to prompt me and ask active and specific questions. setting clear goals with clear steps helps. a lot of more “creative” methods actually are super unhelpful for me.

17. do "find your happy place" exercises help you or no?

sort of? i don’t try them much. usually they make me sadder that im not there.

18. what are some of the most Tiresome Cliches ppl tell you to deal with yr mental illness (i.e., "just do yoga!")? 

“everyone gets depressed”, “yoga”, “fresh air, sunlight, and exercise!”, “essential oils”, “meditation”, “_______ diet/supplement”, “mind over matter”, “lose some weight” (THIS DOES NOT MEAN NONE OF THESE CAN BE HELPFUL AND I DO WANT TO DO SOME OF THESE THINGS, BUT STATING THE OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT AND BEING CONDESCENDING IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING)

19. what books / movies have really helped u?

none in this regard

20. what kind of representation would u like to see of mentally ill ppl in media?

idk. better. sympathetic without condescentding, infantilising, or demonising. sympathetic recovery stories, showing a happy ending, but not some “theyre cured” BS

if ur chronically ill:

21. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)?

asthma - like 4 yrs old, tendonitis - like 13 yrs old, unspecified pain/inflammation - 2019 professionally (like 2011 ish on my own, but really it started when i was ~13), nocturnal epilepsy - not done with diagnosis process/testing as of july 2019, a few chronic infections that don’t affect me any more were diagnosed when i was a kid, idk

22. do you find the support system with other similarly affected ppl to be helpful?

i’ve not been involved much, tried it out, really

23. what do you struggle w most on a daily basis?

pain/inflammation/stiffness in joints, back, neck, shoulders, feet

24. what helps you most?

i wanna say sleep, but it actually makes everything worse so, new diet(anti inflammation), making goals/plans, spirituality, going to healing places like the woods or by the sea or mountains, massage, soft comforting petting from my husband

25. what do you want to tell able-bodied and neurotypical ppl in regards to chronic illness?

it’s not the same. yeah maybe “everyone has back pain”, but my pain and your pain are different; they happen for different reasons and they affect us in different ways. if everyone is in pain we should do something to make life easier for everyone, not dismiss people who are suffering.

26. how do u keep your strength on a daily basis? i dont

27. if yr family supportive?

mostly yeah?

if not, who do you find the most strength and support in, outside of yourself?

my husband, regardless

28. what kind of representation would you like to see of chronically ill ppl in media?

show me people who find creative, easy, free/cheap ways to be comfortable/improve symptoms. do not fucking cure them to make them happy. let them be happy and comfortable by finding new ways to do things, no by erasing their obstacles.

if u have bpd:

29. when were u diagnosed (self or professionally)?

2014, i think? though it was suggested by a therapist in like 2008 or 2009

30. do you think the support system in the community is helpful?

no

31. what are some of the ways you keep yrself grounded and remind yrself to Take a Step Back when bad feelings get in the way of rational thinking?

remind myself other people have autonomy, think about how i would feel if someone reacted to things i was doing the way my brain wants to impulsively react to them, talk talk talk, find something else to do as distraction

32. coping skills?

idfk what they are, they’re just there. usually.

33. how do u keep yrself in check when impulsive mood swings come around?

uh, mostly i covered this in 31. gotta reset focus on something else, find distraction that produces different emotions until mood passes

34. what skills do you use to remind yourself that you are loved?

husband. doesnt always work, but mostly.

35. who has been the most supportive of u?

husband.

36. how has your diagnosis changed the way you view yrself and yr interactions w other ppl?

more mindful of others feelings and needs, esp my mum with BPD

37. what kind of representation would you like to see of ppl w bpd in media?

not fucking abusive/manipulative or miserable. let us struggle but have great supports and practice effective coping skills so we can build stronger relationship bonds and enjoy socializing and/or things that are personally important

all ppl:

38. how do you deal w ableism that comes at you from all directions?

laugh about it with my friends i guess?

39. who in your life is the most supportive of u and yr recovery?

husband

40. who are some people on tumblr who have really helped u in yr journey?

well, i met cieran here. alice has been a good influence. there’s a few of you for sure, though maybe not all specifically for these sorts of things.

41. best coping skills?

i dont know

42. most irritating Ableist Cliches ppl use to tell u yr not good enough?

infantilizing me(comparing me to a child), mocking my productivity/commercial success, “daddy issues”, trying to gaslight me into thinking i’ve been abusive because we disagree on something/i pointed out something they dont like

43. best most supportive thing anyone's said to you? 

“i want to be like you when i grow up”

44. songs for Happy Times?

counting stars, gooey, just about anything by MIKA, most “meme” songs

45. songs for Not-Happy Times?

a lot of hozier, bastille, of monsters and men, rage against the machine, flobots

46. non-triggering movies that discuss mental illness?

im not sure, i know there are some i love that i could list, but none are coming to mind. not a movie but: moomin and most ghibli media, esp kiki’s delivery service.

#long post #mental health #actuallyautistic #chronic illness #borderline personality disorder #about me #idk #shitborderlinesdo

[transdivergence-blog]

Don’t erase my identity because you are afraid of it.

This post is intended for anyone who is uncomfortable with the topic of adult autism diagnosis, for those who have assaulted me in conversation with phrases like ‘autism is just a label’ or the question 'why do you have to label everything’ , 'we are all on the spectrum’, 'everyone is a little bit autistic’ It is also for my ASD siblings, especially those who are nonverbal and have had to live with misunderstanding to a greater degree than I have.

Occam’s Razor

Simply put it is the concept that the answer with the least assumptions is most likely the correct one.If everyone used this concept in their daily decision making we would have a much more informed society.

Labels

My label is Autism. I reject any other qualifier. I will not tolerate being referred to as high functioning or being placed anywhere on a silly left right spectrum. Being labeled high functioning has helped in leaving me behind, without help because I 'should have been able to do it myself’ (Thanks. I have done so but with a great amount of sorrow and isolation because people expected me to be typical and when I wasn’t I was alienated for it) My autism though unique to me should be considered by others as no different than a nonverbal autistic or someone whose autism makes them rigid and self abusive.

My problem in the past has been with labels. At the start of my life I was labeled male, normal, Mormon, hopeless, weird, annoying, noisy, stupid, gay, crazy. father, provider … anything but the true labels that would have instructed people about how to deal with my intense and unique personality.

In a recent conversation with a fairweather friend I had to respond to their resistance of my recent diagnosis. They recoiled when I started to answer their question about what is new in my life as though the autism thing was frightening and offensive.

“We can label ourselves with anything that makes us feel better but in the end we are just people” they said.

I responded thusly;

“Do not erase my identity because you fear my labeling of it. I have been labeled by others my entire life and I have had to fight nearly to my own demise to gain the right to label myself! Labels are arbitrary signs like any other bit of language. We use them to understand each other. I love you but I will not allow you to shit on my identity because you are uncomfortable with it. That is what the last forty years of my life has been defined by.”

Self diagnosis versus self advocacy.

Psychoanalysis is one of the most entrenched moralist regimes on the planet. We should be done with it in every regard. We should find another more honest and less assumptive model than that to treat mental illness.

The answer? Something else. We made psychoanalysis up, lets invent a better system like one based on the work of Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guatari. Let’s start using brain spect image scopes to actually look at the brain instead of guessing.

here comes the but …

But we are in this system currently. Much like the gate-keeping I had to endure to claim my right to live as a woman, there is a good deal of gate-keeping going in other sub-disciplines in psychiatry and I found that unless I got the proper diagnosis of autism that I would not be able to function here very well. I mean I have been failing all this time and I knew if I found the right guarded fucking gate to walk through that I would be on my way to a happy life instead of one I wanted to flee at any cost because of the unreasonable expectations of others.

We have it in our heads thanks to the Psychoanalytical Lords of Assumption that diagnosing one’s self is wrong. I agree that sometimes people can miss the mark when the nature of their condition makes it difficult for them to be objective, but I am autistic. We are characterized by above average intelligence. That makes being objective an easy thing. Most of us with ASD know we have ASD, or at least that there is something going on that greatly deviates from typical neurological function.

I advocated for myself because there didn’t seem to be anyone willing to advocate for me. This has been the case my entire life. My parents wouldn’t. School was an ignorant hell. Nope. I was on my own.

I must be grateful for the other people on the spectrum for being courageous and honest enough to tell me, “Yes! You are definitely autistic.”

So here I am facing a new life with a newish set of circumstances and challenges now fully aware of who I am and what I can accomplish no thanks to Psychiatry (sorry Mr. Gatekeeper. I am not going to be thankful for something I should have rightfully had from the start. I am going to yank it from you, sneer, and say it’s about time. Snort loudly and walk away)

For those of you who are trapped by the system I hope you can find the boundaries that have been raised and smash them down, then you can come join me in living without fear.

There are great things ahead!

#autism #autistic #autistic adult #autism erasure #actuallyautistic #neurodivergent #nd #self advocacy #self diagnosis #asd #autism spectrum #autism spectrum disorder

[lanibgoode]

1 through 65

you are a coward, hiding behind your anonymity, but i will answer anyway because the other option is dealing with the baby’s poopy diaper, and if i’m busy i can make my wife do it instead

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

frequently. ask @ashioxander-hamilton about the ~8 month period i wasn’t sure they existed

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

five. who knows what kind of things are lurking in the darkness?

3. The person you would never want to meet?

most of the people on this planet

4. What is your favorite word?

shiny

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

rainbow eucalyptus

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i haven’t looked in the mirror today, but if i had, it would be “who the fuck is that"

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a plain pink tee shirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

autistic, ace, biromantic, weird, difficult

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark (but not too dark)

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

dragging groceries in from the car

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

none of them have been very good

12. Who told you they loved you last?

my wife, ash

13. Your worst enemy?

my own brain

14. What is your current desktop picture?

the sailor senshi silhouetted against a full moon

15. Do you like someone?

i’m assuming you mean like-like, and that’s pretty much nobody except my wife

16. The last song you listened to?

shiny by jemaine clement from the moana soundtrack

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would need to discuss this with multiple people to figure out who would be the best choice

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

my wife’s father

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

shortfingers, renouncing the presidency

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

my eyes are a very pretty shade of green, and my brain is where i keep my consciousness, so that’s great too

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

the opposite of what sex

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

managing to wake up right before the alarm goes off or walk out into the kitchen right before the timer goes off

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

i’m terrified of finding out i’m not actually real but everyone else is

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

idk, my food aversions change randomly for no reason at all, so trying to pick one sandwich to eat for the rest of my life would be impossible

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

frivolously

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

someplace warm. hawai’i, maybe

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

something expensive and exclusive i can resell for money, i guess

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

NO TOUCHING

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

my laptop

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

every screw up related to my brain weasels

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

this isn’t a question

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

my wife’s grandfather so long as this isn’t some sort of monkey’s-paw thing

34. What was your last dream about?

i don’t really remember except it was unpleasant, so here’s a dream i had a couple months ago: I was Steven Universe. The zombie apocalypse started. While fleeing from zombies I ran into the mythbusters and they were zombies too.

I escaped through the back door of their workshop and was told via mysterious message suddenly arriving in my brain that i needed to go through a door.

I went through the door and ended up an hour in the past. Again via mysterious sudden knowledge, I knew I had to speak to the people at a food stall in the amusement park I was at.

They told me (mysteriously, of course) that I had to go to a ride and open the correct panel on the graffitied pillar next to it. I would then receive a binder which detailed the cure.

And then just as I got to the pillar, my alarm went off

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

i’m a good noodle

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

yes

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

i’m not wearing socks socks are evil

39. What type of music do you like?

musicals

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

i don’t

43. Do you have any scars?

a lot of them

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i’ve already tried that and failed out twice now, american schools don’t have support systems

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

my faulty brain chemistry

46. Are you reliable?

sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

does our life ever get easier/better

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

slothog, a sloth hedgehog

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i don’t know, most of my conversations are weird. i had a 20 minute conversation about jeans yarn (jarn) and all the things you could make from it. i have conversations about what snails think about. i have conversations about anything that grabs my interest

51. Are you a good liar?

i am an excellent liar when i want to be, and a terrible one when i want someone to realize i’m lying

52. How long could you go without talking?

forever

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

CRIMPING WAS POPULAR I WAS JUST FOLLOWING THE TREND

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

a few

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter, cinnamon, and sugar

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

a snail

58. What would be you dream car?

one that actually works (a tesla would be awesome)

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

does dissociating count

60. Do you believe in aliens?

of course. our universe is huge, how could there not be other life somewhere

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

nope

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

i like all of them except f, j, q, u, v, x, and z

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons

64. What do you think about babies?

i like them better when they just lie there instead of crawling/walking around and getting into everything

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t specify so i don’t have to say anything here

#i answered many of these facetiously #but if there's anything you want clarification on #that's collective you #not including you anon #because you're a jerk #(i'm not really mad) #ask meme #Anonymous #long post