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willowstream-hp · 4 years

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An Analysis on the Character of Mumbo in Featherweight

By WillowstreamHP

I would like to start off this analysis with explaining what Featherweight is, and why I feel compelled to write this in the first place. Featherweight is a story by DoctorSiren telling the story of how Grian gets wings, and has to learn to cope with them. Now that is a VERY bad and brief summary, but it is COMPLETELY spoiler free. If you have not read this fanfic I highly recommend you go check it out, as it is the No.2 highest rated fic on Ao3. With that being said, have you not read it, this analysis will be LADEN with spoilers, going all the way to the most recently posted chapter. This is your last warning before I start getting into the intricate details of this piece of writing.

With that out of the way, I’d like to specify my motivations very briefly. Mumbo in Featherweight has always been given a bad lighting for how he reacts to situations, and his obsession with robots. This, in turn, has led people to believe that he is a bit insane. While I am inclined to agree, the purpose of this analytical piece will be to explain how this change in his behavior makes sense in the context of the story. In addition to that, I will also be explaining why he has the flaws he has, and how they make him a much more realistic character. The biggest reason as to why I am writing this is because so many people are bashing him in the comments for being unreasonable and downright stupid in the later chapters. Again, I am not refuting this point, merely explaining how it makes sense, and how it is a crucial part to his character. Essentially, stop bashing someone for having human emotions.

I’m being kind, so here’s one last warning before the big spoilers start.

Part One: The Setup

The setup to Mumbo’s character arc is done quite nicely. It’s established that Grian and Mumbo are very close, and from the beginning when Grian is hiding the wings from him Mumbo is nothing but respectful. The two share a deep bond, and it is important to both of them equally. When Grian finally decides to trust Mumbo with the information on his transformation, despite Mumbo having already known prior to this moment, he doesn’t really mention he already knew. He could tell Grian was uncomfortable with sharing, and so he didn’t bother to really press him for an answer. This is a sign of a deep, trusting bond. Mumbo understood that it was Grian’s situation, and that he needed space. He was also able to understand that Grian trusted him enough to share any important or possibly life-threatening problems with him. Yes, I know, he’s turning into a bird, that’s kind of serious. But he wasn’t going to be turning fully into a bird anytime in the next two days, and he was clearly stressed about the situation as it was. That’s a whole other analysis to write (probably not this one is already hard enough).

Part Two: The Shift

This is when things started to get dicey. Mumbo had made a few robot kids, okay. Nice. He’s allowed to do that. He wanted to have a familial bond with someone in a way that wasn’t just being friendly. It’s understandable to want to be a parent, and have a child that looks up to you and loves you just as much as you love them. Mumbo built the robots out of excitement, but also out of loneliness. Grian had been hiding from Mumbo on and off due to his own anxieties. While we tend to see a lot of this from Grian’s perspective in the early chapters, and keep out of Mumbo’s real deep inner thoughts.. we aren’t really kept from that much. When he’s building the robots, he isn’t stressing BECAUSE he’s building the robots. Building the robots was his way of shutting everything out and focusing on one task to try and ignore the situation. This is CLEAR EVIDENCE that something was wrong from the start. Go back and read it if you have to, he tends to be very clearly focused on the robots even if something bad is going on. It was his own, though flawed, coping mechanism to help him not to think about what was happening.

Part Three: Poultry Man

This was,, this was when it all went downhill. Grian and Mumbo had finally decided to trust each other, they were being a lot friendlier. So Mumbo, trying to be a good friend, decided to help him gain more confidence. He’d still been ignoring a lot of his own thoughts and problems with the whole situation, which is something that is very important to his character. Keep in mind, he wasn’t really all that expressive to Grian about his thoughts, other than he was worried about him. He never went into detail on why he was building the robots, or why he was worried about Grian. The last one might be obvious, you’d say, but is it really? He’s worried about Grian for Grian, but he’s also worried about Grian for a lot of other reasons. He’s worried for himself, he’s worried about what will happen to HIM if something happens to Grian. And so what does he do? He builds new friends, new kids to hang out with. He builds backups, in case something happens to Grian, so that he can have someone to rely on. Mumbo gets depicted as shyer as the story progresses, and this lines up with how his friendship with Grian slowly deteriorates till the fight. This leads to the important fact that his friendship with Grian is probably one of the only solid foundations he has on Hermitcraft. Sure, he knows the other hermits, but he’s definitely closest to Grian by a lot, with Iskall second. So when Grian started to ignore Mumbo.. you guessed it. More robots. The robots, which had originally been a way to keep thoughts out of his head, were now a way to keep himself sane. Which ended up backfiring. Another key factor is that he became hyperfixed on making the robots as real as possible. An easy explanation to that would be that, for example, Grumbot wanted to be more human so that he could receive better hugs. But I believe that Mumbo was doing it to convince himself that they WERE real. He had just been betrayed by his best friend, so he turned to the next closest thing: something he could PROGRAM to be loyal. Sure he gave them free will and emotions, but they were built to keep him company and support him. He made them for the sole purpose of not being alone.

Part Four: The Theme and Character Breakdown

The previous sections were a lot shorter than I expected them to be, but I’m preparing for this section to be pretty long. The point I’m trying to make is this: Mumbo is absolutely justified in having his coping mechanisms the way they are. I’ve seen a lot of people in the comments bashing Mumbo for building the robots, and calling him an insane idiot. But you have to consider what he’s gone through. He’d been overworking himself, he wasn’t sleeping, he has anxiety, his best friend betrayed him, and then later on his best friend had an outright fight with him and practically ended their friendship. Most people would probably cry for 2 weeks on end if this happened to them, but that would be because that’s their established coping mechanism. Mumbo had established another coping mechanism, and that was pushing the thoughts out of his mind through hard labor and thought. Building robots takes a lot of attention to detail and focus, which would make it extremely easy to push other thoughts out. The first robots he built, Jrum and Grum, were partly for the purpose of the mayoral campaign, but part of it was that Mumbo needed another way to anchor himself to Hermitcraft. Throughout the story he has rarely been depicted outside of his base, or with another hermit save for Grian. This indicates that he probably kept to himself a lot, and Grian was sort of a bridge between him and the hermits. His nature being shy aids to this point as well. Therefore, when he thought that this bridge might be crumbling, he decided to set up some new ones. Of course, in typical fanfiction fashion, they ended up having a huge fight and hurting each other through their words. Mumbo had already built quite a few robots at this point, you might say. Yes, he had, and guess what. They were mostly due to him trying to keep anxious thoughts out, and needing someone to stick with him when he was lonely. When did he start building his family? After Grian, who he probably considered like a brother, ditched him. There is a direct correlation between the events in the story and who he decided to build. It started off simple, with a simple, fun task. Grum was built for the mayoral race, and Jrum to go with him. The others, however, each come afterwards for different reasons. Amelia and Circuit were meant to help him and look out for him, and he built these when Grian was hiding from him. He built Sahara after they had gotten on better terms, a sign of hope that their relationship might not be ruined. Finally, he began building his family when Grian fought with him and flew off. Each robot lines up with a specific point in the timeline where something happened between him and Grian. Hence, each robot is actually a symbol of whatever trauma or emotion he was experiencing. For Grumbot and Jrum it was joy and happiness, for Amelia and Circuit it was worry, for Sahara it was hope, and for his family it was his loneliness and need for love.

Part 5: The Conclusion

Now as I stated earlier, I have seen quite a few people bashing Mumbo for how he acts in the story. The purpose of this entire writing was to explain how his character has been evolving throughout the story, and how the events around him have directly influenced him and his actions. The points that people have been calling him out for in this story are all points that have been CAUSED. Sure they’re flaws, and probably not a good way to cope with the situations, but they’re legitimate reactions. If you were to face a fight with your best friend, you’d find yourself in a bad place mentally and emotionally. Let me state it again: every action that Mumbo has done, every emotion he has felt, and every way he has dealt with it was perfectly rational based on his state of mind. He was not in a good place mentally, emotionally, and even physically. Being sleep deprived, lonely and anxious tends to lead people to make bad decisions. The people who are bashing Mumbo for what he does are blatantly ignoring the causes of those actions, and how all the reactions to the situations are completely believable.

I would like to wrap this up by pointing out that most of this is up for speculation. The points about his mental health and anxiety in the AU are pretty easy to read for yourself, but the more thematic elements are totally up to you to believe. I personally have done the best I can to take apart his character and demonstrate just how humanely written he truly is. You have every right to believe that Mumbo is an idiot for doing what he does, as that is your opinion and you are entitled to it. I just encourage you to consider what I have here and gain another perspective on this. I would be happy to receive criticism or additions to my analysis and even the few theories I snuck in there. And to restate, I do not own this AU, the concept of this AU, and especially not the concept of Hermitcraft. I’m just a fan who thought that some people needed a bit of an explanation on Mumbo’s character. I hope that all of you enjoy reading this, as it did take me a bit to finish up.

#mumbo #featherweight #hermitcraft fanfic #analysis #i just thought some people needed to read this #siren approved lol

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nashibirne · 3 years

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Safe Haven 4

Safe Haven

A Maze Runner Fan Fiction

Pairing: Thomas / female OFC

Setting: After the end of 'TMR - Death Cure'

Summary: Thomas is dealing with the aftermath of the events since the glade and learns that falling in love can be painful

Warnings: (in this or in upcoming chapters) smut/sex/porn, swearing, mentioning of death, traumatic experiences, violence, sexual frustration, promiscuity, homosexuality, daddy-kink, oral, nsfw, 18+ readers only

Credits: TMR-Characters don't belong to me / are based on the books by James Dashner and the movies. All pictures I used for the moodboards/headers are from pinterest. If I violate any copyright please let me know and I'm going to remove the pictures. I used pictures of Blake Lively for my OFC and pics of Henry Cavill, Michael B Jordan, DJ Squalls and Sasha Behar for the crew members.

Beta by the most wunderful @hell1129-blog Thank you so much, honey!

Comments, likes and reblogs are very much appreciated.

Please don't use my work or parts of it without my permission.

Previous parts:

1 / 2 / 3

In Part 4 we learn a little more about the twins and their friends. Enjoy!

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With the return of the Horizon the good mood came back to the camp. Everyone was in high spirits and after dinner they gathered around a big campfire often and had a good time, with a lot of talking, music, singing and even dancing.

Joe turned out to be a real showman, entertaining and lots of fun. An extrovert, everybody liked and a very good musician and singer. He was a born leader, with a natural authority no one would ever doubt. Kasey preferred to stay in the background but she was fun too, radiating positive energy and optimism that was so much needed in these dark times. She was always surrounded by her friends and got along very well with all the newcomers too, making everybody feel welcome and part of the big Safe Haven family.

Carson however was a strange guy. Skinny, his complexion white like a bedsheet, with a boyish face but tough as old boots and surprisingly strong. He was always on his own, living in his hut like a hermit, but he was a genius regarding all technical, mechanical and electrical matters, working endless hours on all kinds of engines and devices but he never joined their little after work parties.

Marjorie was the biggest surprise. A real badass of a woman. She looked like an angel, her tanned skin flawless, her hazel eyes amazing, pretty like a doll but she was tougher than any man, her mind razor-sharp, and her heart made of pure gold. She was witty and sarcastic and Thomas really liked her right from the start.

Quincy was quite different from what his looks seemed to tell. The perfect example for "never judge a book by it's cover". He was a tall man, black, handsome, a real beefcake. His good looks, the toned body, his sunny smile...it all screamed player, party animal, heartbreaker but it turned out he was pretty much the opposite: shy and quiet but always polite and nice. He didn't talk a lot and always seemed to feel a little uncomfortable around others but when he was with Kasey he opened up and showed a side of himself that was funny, full of energy and ideas and not aloof at all. They seemed to be good friends and the jealous little voice inside of Thomas' head often wondered if they were possibly even more than that.

When he asked Marjorie about it one night, sitting on the beach at the fire, watching Kasey and Quincy fool around, singing and dancing to a silly song Joe played on his guitar, she burst out laughing. "No honey. No way. Quincy isn't interested in women, you know."

"He's gay?" Thomas didn't quite manage to hide his surprise. "Bingo!" Marjorie simply said with a wink. She and Quincy were skilled mechanics, taking care of the ships, working together hand in hand every day, so Thomas was quite sure she knew Quincy very well and was telling the truth and a feeling of relief flooded his brain. It must have been written all over his face because Marjorie gave him a funny look - somewhere between realization and disbelief - but she didn't say anything more.

A little later Kasey joined them, plopping down in the sand beside them.

"Guys...Quincy is wearing me out." she laughed out of breath. "And he's still full of energy." she added, nodding at him. He was taking off his shirt, getting ready for a swim in the ocean with Gally, Minho and Brenda.

"Yeah, your dancing looked damn exhausting. Need something to drink? I was just about to get a bottle of water." Marjorie said, getting up, tapping off the sand from her butt and her legs.

"Oh yes, that would be great. Thanks Marge." Kasey smiled at her gratefully. They watched her leave and after a short moment of silence Kasey turned to Thomas. "So how did you like your first week in your new job? I hope you like the work? And your boss of course." She gave him a wink, that made the butterflies in his belly arise and flutter around like crazy.

"Yeah, I love it. The work is great and the boss is a little strict but a real treat for the eyes." he grinned, suddenly feeling confident enough to try a little flirt. After the first days of working together he'd finally managed to shake off his nervousness. Getting used to the fact that he was helplessly in love with Kasey he'd started to feel good around her, acting more natural day by day.

"Well...you don't look too bad yourself." she replied laughing. It wasn't quite the reaction he had been hoping for. No blushing, no signs of sheepishness or excitement, girls normally showed when he started flirting with them. But it was a start. She found him good looking or at least not bad looking. That was something he could build on.

"You're really funny and quick-witted, you know that? I got a completely wrong impression when we met for the first time." Kasey stretched out her tall, slim body beside him, crossing her long legs, cocking her head, looking straight at him, which made Thomas feel self-conscious all of a sudden.

"Really? How's that?"

Kasey hesitated for a moment. "Well, you seemed pretty reserved and…"

"Dumb?" Thomas jumped in.

"I was about to say shy."

She smiled at him, shifting into a sitting position.

"I thought you were a man."

"Ouch...I look like a man?" She was really shocked for a split second which made Thomas laugh.

"No, you don't. It's your name. I heard everyone talk about Joe and Kasey Miller and I automatically assumed you were male twins."

"Oh...this. Yeah, that's why I hated my name when I was younger. All my friends had such pretty names like Sarah and Isabell and Maria...and I was Kay." She rolled her eyes. "But our parents were expecting two boys so it was a surprise when I turned out to be a girl and they just stuck by the names they had already chosen. Didn't help much that I even looked like a boy."

"You? That's hard to imagine."

"What can I say. I was a chubby little girl with short hair, dressed in practical clothes, climbing trees and playing ball with her brother…"

"I bet you were a cute little brat." Thomas grinned.

"Who says I'm not a brat anymore." she replied, raising her eyebrows with a smirk. The immediate association with spanking her naughty little ass made Thomas dick twitch, leaving him speechless. When Marjorie returned right at this moment he was relieved and annoyed at the same time.

Blushing like a school boy, Kasey thought, watching his reaction. That's fucking cute.

She gave him one last wink before turning to Marjorie for a little chat.

~~~~~~~~~

That’s it, hope you liked chapter 4.

#tomuary #thomas maze runner #maze runner thomas #maze runner #tmr thomas #tmr fanfic #thomas x oc #tmr thomas x oc #dylan o'brien

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pastel-vampires · 4 years

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The Vampire Muses. Keep in mind reading the wiki was the best source of information I could get for a majority of these characters since I can’t get my hands on the games.

Ayato Sakamaki:

Age: 16

The attention whore seeker

Likes: Takoyaki and pranking people.

Hates: Water. Ghosts/Ghost stories.

In his childhood, his mother would strictly force him into studying so he could succeed as the heir to the Sakamaki line. Often threatening him or giving him deathly punishments when he didn’t meet her expectations. This would lead to his slight fear of water, as one of the punishments involved her shoving him in a lake to drown until she decided that he should have learned something from it.

The only triplet who is left handed. Would rather play sports like basketball than sit down and study. Consumes an abundant amount of Takoyaki. His hobbies involve Basketball, glorifying himself as ‘Yours Truly’, and collecting Medieval torture chamber items as decorations for his room. (the deadly parts of them removed for when he decides to sleep in them.)

Fear him on April 1st, for he WILL find a way in pranking someone. Anyone. Once he finds a way to prank someone, he WILL take the opportunity.

Other notes: He insists on referring to himself as “Yours Truly”/Ore-sama (in Japanese it basically translates to a masculine word for ‘me/I’ with the honorific meaning ‘master’)

Total rebel. Also a bit of a tsundere but not as much as Subaru. Like the rest of his siblings, he has a hard time opening up to people. He’s closest sibling is Laito. But he also has a protective nature over Kanato.

Headcanons: Possibly a Pansexual. Will trick/prank all of his siblings at least once per year.

Romances: He’ll want your full attention and admiration. He’ll want your praise and approval. He’s been made to believe that he had to be the best or he was better off cast aside and dead in a lake somewhere. He fears rejection.

Kanato Sakamaki:

Age: 16 (believe it or not)

The tantrum brat/ “hysteric”

Likes: Teddy and Sweets. (And Attention)

Hates: Bitter and Spicy things. When people hold Teddy without his permission. When people do ANYTHING without his permission.

Since childhood, he has spent most of his time all by himself with only Teddy to confide in as his only trusted ally. His mother would only give him attention when telling him to sing for her, finding his voice to “warm her up” (she really messed him up by having him sing while she had her affairs. How can a kids singing arouse her? What the heck was wrong with her? What the hay? Why did she force him to do that until his vocal cords bled? How the fudge sundae?)

Other: he’s a mix of a tsundere AND a yandere, quite a deadly combination.

Headcanon: he is asexual but because of how he was raised, thinks that one HAS to enter sex at some point. Witnessing a lot of his mothers sexual affairs led him to believing that he had to give them pleasure. One of the efforts involved combing their hair. Her mothers influence has led him to believe that all women are selfish and always desires sex. If they don’t, then he sees them as prudes or just shy. He’s been left alone for so long that he was left to the mercy of his already messed up thoughts. He has a certain belief of how his little world should be and hates it when the things around him never fit in that world.

Romances: He bites and punishes hard, but his kisses are always gentle. No matter if he’s angry or not. Never will he bite someone on the lips. Since he was left alone to play with his dolls more than his brothers, he enjoys comparing those he is fond of as dolls rather than people.

Laito Sakamaki:

Age: 16 (believe it or not he is NOT a clone of Ayato or a slightly grown up version of him)

The manwhore

Likes: fancy things. Macarons. Crossword Puzzles

Hates: bugs and creepy crawlies. (I’m going to have TOO much fun with this)

*breathes* the insufferable “pervert’, as everyone ‘knows’ him as. He often seduces women and ‘gives them pleasure’ in his own sadistic ways. As this was the only way he could express ‘love’. (seriously their mother messed all of them up. I don’t know exactly how old he was when she started going after him for an incestuous ‘love affair’. It’s gross. And he didn’t like it. But because he was the most neglected of the trio in his childhood, this was the only form of attention she ever gave to him, and he was made to believe that this was ‘good’. It’s a really messed up situation.) He’s the most social and cheerful of the Sakamakis.

Headcanons: He knows how to speak French, being known as the ‘romantic language’, he took an interest in it in an attempt to be more flirtatious. But during this journey into learning the French language, he discovered Macarons. Which became a genuine favorite of his. He believes that his pervert facade is real and will get offended if someone states it otherwise.

He’s bisexual, but due to the environment around him (andespeciallyhowhismothermessedhimup) was made to believe that people can only be attracted to the opposite sex

Romances: He’s a giver more than a receiver, but he likes being in control of what goes on. All he knows is sex, he doesn’t understand what love is other than that. (their mother truly messed them up. But he’ll put up a mask and think there’s nothing wrong. Even though he still doesn’t know why there are times where he doesn’t ALWAYS like having sex.)

Subaru Sakamaki:

Age: 16

The Tsundere badboy.

Likes: bread.

Hates: social interactions. Roses (specifically white ones. This came as a surprise since he’s always in the rose garden.)

Due to a… LOT of emotions bottling up since he was a kid, he has a tendency in lashing out and punching inanimate objects in order to process his festering anger.

He’s the only one who had even a small- or even a semblance- of a healthy bond with his mother, but she became mentally unstable and had to be locked up in a tower (Rapunzel?) there would be times where she would have ‘episodes’ and only he was able to handle them. This warped his gentle nature into a more protective self, and as time went on, into a festering wrath. This only worsened after she pleaded for him to kill her. Hence the knife that he is often seen holding. One that is able to kill vampires.

He gets irritated easily. He doesn’t have any hobbies. He spends most of his time either looking at the rose garden or hermit it up in his coffin (he sometimes adds things to make it feel more comfortable.) He’d much rather stay in a coffin than attend anything.

Notes: his mother used to sing him to sleep when he was a child. (absolutely adorable) He was the only vampire to give Yui a chance of escaping, even giving her his silver knife to defend herself. Maybe even kill him if needed.

Headcanons: He doesn’t have taste. He likes bread okay because of the texture, but his tongue can’t even recognize sour things. This might be caused by his mother having poisoned him at some point and had a lasting effect? But highly unlikely because of vampire regeneration properties.

Yet another left handed boi.

Kou Mukami

Age:17

The Two-Faced model

Likes: cats. Dancing.

Hates: pain.

This pretty boy has had... quite an unfortunate life. Thanks to the horrible events that took place in his childhood, Kou views the world as a ‘give and take’ view. And it will be quite a while before anyone can change that world view. Because of this, he will often portray a friendly, cheerful, and complimentary personality. But he will always expect something in return for his behavior and ‘gifts’. If he gives a bouquets of roses, he expects something to make up for it in return.

He has a job as a model and is often surrounded by girls at the night school he attends regularly. Which he doesn’t particularly care for. (He is literally the only one in the family with a job.)

Major Trigger warning here: He was raped as a child. Don’t tell me he wasn’t, what the crap did those people DO to him? They hurt him even when he gouged out his own eye in a desperate attempt to make himself flawed so they would leave him alone. But that didn’t work and somehow they saw that as making him more desirable? He has nightmares often because of this and will cling to whatever is around him in an attempt to hide from the horror of reaching hands. He often clings tot he things around him every night because of these reoccurring night terrors. He was given a glass eye that allows him to see people’s true intentions.

Headcanons: He has an immaculate hunger and can- and WILL- eat more than his fair share if those around him aren’t careful. Guard your food while he’s around!

Notes: another left handed boy.

Azusa Mukami:

Age: 17

The ONLY option for a Masochistic boy.

Likes: collecting knives is his hobby

Dislikes: neglect and being hated.

As a child, he wandered the street with no real purpose. Thanks to a group of children who thrived in beating him, he believed that his only self worth was to be used for pain. Hence he has grown a fascination of it. Whether it is to give or receive pain, Azusa is there for it. He’s slow in movement as well as talking. Often seen spacing out. But is probably the only sweet-heart of a vampire in the entire show. If a little pushy at times.

He names his limbs after the children who had injured them enough to leave scars, since they were killed and he was left without a purpose once again. This was before he was sent to a orphanage and met Ruki, Yuma, and Kou who became his family.

Notes: his hobby is collecting knives. (Yet another left handed boy.) He is ‘weak against heat’ (I imagine he melts into sleep like a cat when finding this out) he is able to fall asleep standing up. (that’s pretty impressive)

Headcanons: He’s a very respectable boy and often speaks mostly in respect. Albeit a little pushy at times. His brothers often worry about him and have to make sure that he eats enough at their breakfast, Lunch, and dinner, since he doesn’t do a good job in taking care of himself.

#Diabolik Lovers RP #Diabolik Lovers RP blog #{muses}

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spookysnicket · 5 years

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ANON: Request for HCs (nsfw included) of Billy Lenz with a shy, touch-starved loner S/O who's self-conscious about her relationship inexperience?

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(Here you go love! I struggled with these for a bit, so I apologize if they aren’t all that great. I hope you enjoy though, and thank you so much for requesting! NS!FW warning, adult content below! HCs below the cut as always)

👁 For starters, Billy’s pretty much in the same boat. The closest he’s ever gotten to a stable relationship before you is, well, with his right hand. He’s horribly touch starved as well- seriously, have you seen this boy? He’d probably stop stabbing you mid-kill if you gave him a hug

👁 With Billy, it’s all or nothing. There is no in between. Either he’s smothering you to death with snuggles and sexual advances or he’s gone completely timid, full attic hermit, MIA. The on/off switch in his brain is sporadic, so there’s little you can do to push him to the side in your favor. You’ll have to adapt to and work around his ever changing emotional and mental states

👁 Keep that in mind when you consider that Billy is still a young man, and it doesn’t help at all that he’s a raging bundle of hormones personified. He’s been abused, neglected, and traumatized practically his whole life. He’s got a lot on his plate, and he’ll be plenty more than a handful for you at times. You’ll have to push your boundaries and test the pliancy of your patience to get through his most manic of episodes. The relationship can get one sided pretty frequently, but it’s for the sake of both your safeties

👁 Billy is EXTREMELY touchy. There’s something about human contact to him that’s utterly hypnotizing, and he’s going to use you to get his fix. Whenever he comes around, he’s always near or right next to you, holding or reaching out to grab some part of your body if you haven’t done so to him already

👁 Cuddling is perfect for the two of you when Billy’s less manic, which typically happens when he’s tired or right after sex. The usual position is with him curled into a ball, tucked snugly and securely in your arms, or with your bodies crossed up and intertwined like a human pretzel. Billy’s quite warm, so you likely won’t even need a blanket

👁 He will tease you using your touch starved nature, as if he isn’t the same way. There’s nothing stopping this crackhead from making fun of how “clingy” you are, regardless of the fact that he almost screamed last week because you weren’t in the mood to hold his hand or play with his hair

👁 Your relationship with Billy isn’t the pristine picture perfect example of a healthy couple. With all of Billy’s trauma and dubious mental health, it can be trying for the both of you. There are plenty of days where you’ll have to stand your ground or take initiative, but in the end it helps Billy learn what’s okay to do with you and what’s not (well, he tries to learn). It’s up to you to essentially mold Billy’s idea of a real relationship outside of the physical portions, and hopefully in doing so, help you figure that out too. At least you’re learning all of this together!

👁 That in mind, he’s also doing the best he can for you, too. Billy has experience with sorority sisters- real bubbly, upbeat, and confident girls- and he knows that you’re different. In that way, you’re much less foreign to him than the usual giddy college prep, you make more sense. He knows what it’s like to be lonely and dejected. He knows what it’s like to want to hide away, yet yearn to be with others. You’re easier to relate to, which therefore makes it 1000x easier for Billy to be able to adjust to you, and show his love to you in his own ways

👁 Now, this is still Billy Lenz we’re talking about. Don’t expect to find a dozen red roses waiting on the foot of your bed one night. His affection comes in the forms of using “I”s instead of “Billy”s when he talks to you, letting his body relax and lean into you rather than stiffening like a board during hugs, or coming down from the attic to seek you out for more than sex

👁 Billy isn’t gentle in the slightest, so there will be no tender lovey dovey hugs and kisses aside from any instances where you’re practically begging for some- and even then he tends to be a bit rowdy and brutish with his touch. On the flip side, you have to be very careful with giving him physical attention. He’s a big whiner, and if you touch him too harshly he’ll get real grumpy about it

👁 NS!FW: Completely disregard the end of that last fluffy HC during sex. Billy’s natural pacing is fast and hard, and he would go apeshit if you were just as eager, loud, and rough back. For the first few times it’ll just be him trying to get off as much as possible with your body, but if you give him enough reciprocation and encouraging signs that tell him he’s doing a good job, he’ll slowly start to fixate on your pleasure as well

👁 NS!FW: He is THE most vocal slasher during sex. This boy is in the negatives when it comes to any shame levels. Billy just really loves to talk, and especially so when he’s got you turned to a moaning mess, pinned on your back and looking up at him with stars in your eyes while he drives his thin, stuttering hips into you with a wild and uneven pace

👁 NS!FW: Despite knowing how shy and self conscious you may be, Billy’s got one massive degradation kink. He’s going to practically blabber out an essay through grunts and moans about how good his “pretty piggy” feels around him. He’ll shudder and scream out your name with every orgasm, and he doesn’t care if anyone’s around to hear

👁 NS!FW: Billy always wants to be touching you during sex, and is partial to any positions that have you both pressed flush together. The thought alone of your warm skin pulling from his own between a sticky film of sweat could make him nut on the spot

👁 NS!FW: Billy’s quite creative, and very open to trying anything at least once. Not sure what to do? No problem! He’s more than happy to take the reigns and fuck you as he pleases, but in a less frenzied state, he wouldn’t object to anything you’d prefer instead. I really see him as a dom-leaning switch, so he’d go absolutely nuts if you ever mention wanting to dom him or take the lead

#billy lenz #the moaner #black christmas #x reader #slasher x reader #slasher fandom #slasher headcannons #Headcanon #slashers #NS!FW #we love a little attic trash man #i dont feel like these are too good so im sorry (':#my writing has just been off lately and yall deserve better

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every1studio · 5 years

Text

SERIES: “stage one: one sided love” [ateez: hongjoong]

genre: angst

ficstyle: bulletpoints + series [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [END]

prompt: inspired by Lou Hoang’s Yeu Em Dai Kho (acoustic version)

note: do any of you guys listen to anything other genres than KPOP?

you never thought you’d believe in love at first sight

you always wrote and compose songs about love but in all honesty.. you have never been in love before

you thought that many nights you spent watching kdramas and romcoms would give her enough insight of what it was like to be in love

but all of that changed when you met Hongjoong

SURE, call it cliche but you didn’t think that you could fall for someone for doing absolutely nothing

right when he walked passed you as you adjusted your guitar case on your shoulders, there was a feeling of strings being pulled

just his profile alone was enough to make your cheeks turn pink

the way he laughed as his friends slung their arms over his shoulders make you smile with him

(is this what they called heartstrings?) you thought as you shook your head out of this daydream

you thought it wasn’t anything too serious but just gawking at a simple eye candy

but the more you saw Hongjoong, the more he was just eye candy

you could tell he was a sweet and caring guy

and it wasn’t for the girls to swoon over him even more

he was genuinely a kindhearted person and he didn’t need others to see his polite gestures

you noticed this when you saw kitten get stuck in a tree; Hongjoong was climbing the tree and trying to get the kitten to come over to him

he called out to it with his honey-like voice

but before the kitten even got to him, the sounds of the branch snapping got louder and Hongjoong leaped for it

there he was on the ground, using his body as a shield he made sure the kitten was okay

and when it was, he let it run off

you were scared that he was hurt, but you weren’t confident enough to even talk to him yet

so you just stood there, slightly trembling

the tree wasn’t that tall but a fall like that would give him bruises and scratches for sure

later that day, you walked down the hall as you saw him exit the nurse’s office, “are you sure you just tripped?”

he smiled and nods as he laughs off that his clumsiness has earned him a lot of battle scars

and that was just one of the many cases where he placed himself above others

you thought you could finally thought you could gain some sort of courage when you got to be in the same literature class as him AND having an assigned seat next to him

but all you could muster was answering him back with a “hello,” “I’m good and you?” “bye”

he always tried to initiate a conversation with you but you always stupidly answer back with short and blunt sentences

even though people said that you were just an antisocial hermit crab, Hongjoong always said that you were just a little shy

you didn’t know why he would help boost your status around campus when you didn’t really care for it in the first place

you really liked that trait of his; caring about other people’s feelings

the more you talked with Hongjoong, even if it was just simple conversations, the more you liked him and the more you finessed this song about love

you caught yourself smiling over stupid little daydreams involving your future with him

or every single conversations you had with him

even the little habits of his that you picked up

when you didn’t have class with him, you would notice your social life plummet

it would change right when you woke up knowing you were going to go to class that you had with Hongjoong

but you knew out of all the people in his life, you were just a classmate

sadly, that was more than enough for you to slowly fall for him

after hearing about his interest in music composition and lyric writing, you were determined that right when you finished writing your song, you would confess to him

you almost didn’t want to finish the song, even though you were basically done with it

your heart wasn’t ready for it

but you promised yourself so you lifted your head high and made your way onto campus

you hummed your tune in your head over and over until you got to class

you noticed Hongjoong standing at the doorway

and he wasn’t by himself

he was with another girl

someone you’ve seen before, she was the prettiest girl on campus, you agreed to that statement when some other people mentioned her name

you never so Hongjoong so giggly and blushy

your heart was so conflicted

you smiled because he was smiling

but your heart was hurting because he wasn’t smiling for you

you quietly cleared your throat as you thumped on your chest, hoping for the pain to go away

Hongjoong looks down at his watch and looks back up at the sparkly doe-eyed girl , “I have time, I’ll walk you to class”

and with that, you walked fast pass Hongjoong with shoulders slightly brushed against each other

he raised his hand to say his daily greetings to you but you didn’t look back at him

he thought of the situation as odd since you always greeted him back... but maybe it was because you didn’t see him

that didn’t bother him too much so he shrugged and chatted with the girl to her class

when he returned to the classroom, he noticed that there was a change in seating arrangements

you were sitting in the far front as he sat in the far back

he wanted to ask you if you were feeling alright but class was about to start in a couple of seconds

with that, you and Hongjoong drifted farther and farther away from each other

(maybe it was a sign) you thought as you lightly crinkled the song you worked so hard on

you woke up from your concentrated daze by the girl Hongjoong walked to class

she smiled at you as you asked if she could sit in the seat across from you

you timidly nodded

she tucked her long, silky hair behind her hair and struck her other arm out for you to take, “I’m Aurora”

you took it, “Y/N”

trying to be polite, you lightly took it, only grabbing onto her fingers

your insides were boiling, (what could she possibly want from me?)

“so you’re kinda close with Hongjoong right? you’re the only girl who I’ve seen Hongjoong talk to so I wanna know what’s he like? what does he like? what kind of girl does he like?”

ah, there was the answer, she wanted to use you

something inside you wanted to lash out at her, telling her that she would never be enough for him

but the little voice in the back of your head pulled you back to your senses

you’ve seen how happy he looks just standing next to her; is that what you looked like when you would stand next to him?

all these thoughts were swimming in your head, you didn’t know how to reply to her

her warm hands met on top of yours, “I really REALLY like Hongjoong, I’ve never met anyone like him before..”

you wanted to say “me too,” but you knew you couldn’t

this wasn’t even a competition; you weren’t even a player at the start of the game

you were just a bystander trying to be apart of something you’re not

you saw a poster of a music gig for a bar that was known to be a hotspot for couples; apparently it was going to be big because there was a prize for the top 3 performances

“how about you take to the music gig this weekend? he likes music and I think that it would be a cozy place for a date..” you couldn’t look at her in the eyes

Aurora was ecstatic; she held your hands even tighter as she jumped out of her chair

“of course! why didn’t I think of that?!”

you nodded at her with an agreeing facial expression as you got up to leave, “I need to go-”

“WAIT! as my way of thanking you, I’ll get you a spot on for the gig! I know you are amazing at playing the guitar! Hongjoong would love it!”

how could you say no?

it’s been so long since you’ve seen him face to face...

but before you could say anything, Aurora opens her mouth, “you’ll definitely win that money prize if you do!”

you convinced yourself that you were in it for the prize.. but it was just to see Hongjoong’s heartwarming smile again

you agreed to do it with another nod of the head

Aurora squeals as she hugs you, suffocating you with her sickly-sweet perfume and dashes off as she waves goodbye to you

you slumped back in your chair; what were you getting yourself into?

[ON THE DAY OF THE GIG]

you dressed yourself up as if it was you on that date

soft wavy hair sat on your shoulder

you had light makeup on; a very light burnt orange blush on your cheekbones matched with a rust-colored gradient lip, topped off with curled eyelashes and mascara

you matched a pair of black chunky boots over some cream slouchy socks that hung below your calves with a corduroy camel-colored mini dress

it had bishop sleeves; it made you feel comfortable even though the length of the dress hit your mid-thighs

you didn’t even know if Hongjoong was going to be there or not

when it was your turn, you held your heart and took a deep breath before entering the stage

you immediately made eye contact with Hongjoong and that made your heart fluttered

you almost completely forgotten about Aurora and you bit the sides of your cheeks before making the last adjustments of tuning to your guitar

if you were correct, this was the first time you would play the guitar in front of Hongjoong and your first time singing in public

these were a lot of firsts for you

but since your first love was already shattered, all these firsts were just sitting ducks

[you sang about being foolishly in love]

you couldn’t stop looking over at Hongjoong and Aurora as they were holding hands the whole time

nearing the end of the song, you stared straight into Hongjoong’s eyes; hoping that your lyrics got through to him

you passionately strummed and literally sang your heart away

with the last note, you felt a stream of tears run down your face

you quickly bowed and left the stage

you wanted to leave the bar as fast as you could but you were stopped by the staff and they were going to choose the winners soon

you didn’t want the prize

you just wanted to be with Hongjoong, you wanted to be the one holding his hand as another sings her heart out for him knowing that you were the only one that was going to matter to him

you had won first place by a landslide

you saw Hongjoong get out of his chair to give you a standing applause

but you were stone-cold when you bowed to collect your prize

the prize of a meer $2,000 couldn’t fix the gaping hole inside of your heart

you found cards from record labels in your bouquet of flowers alongside with your prize

although being in the music industry was a big dream of yours, you didn’t think that it costed that pain in your heart

you chuckled at how stupid and naive you had became, blinded by love and causing you to hurt so badly

you looked over at Hongjoong and Aurora as they shared drinks and laughed the night away

one

last

time

you slung your guitar case over your shoulder as you sighed into the starry night sky on the veranda, “I guess I really did love you foolishly..”

“I’ll cheers to that”

you heard someone respond to you

there was a boy, he seemed to be around the same age as you as he raised his dark liquor to you

“were you talking to me?” you pointed at yourself as you looked around you cautiously

he smiles at his drink before answering you, “love is sucha stupid thing, but we always fall for it...”

you thought he was kind of weird so you nodded and left; leaving his words echo in your head throughout the whole night

“see you on campus tomorrow-” the boy raises his two hands to form a camera frame at the direction you left in and clicks his tongue to imitate the sound of a camera “-Y/N”

WHO SHOULD I WRITE FOR NEXT IN THIS SERIES?

[ masterlist + guidelines ]

#ateez #ateez fluff #ateez fanfic #Ateez hongjoong #ateez writing #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez oneshot #ateez angst #ateez scenarios #ateez soft hours #ateez fic #ateez kim hongjoong #ateez x reader #ateez x atiny #kim hongjoong #hongjoong scenarios #kpop angst #ateez series

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haledamage · 5 years

Text

Kira Grace Kingston

female, she/her

5'6”, slender build

shoulder-length, straight dark-brown hair

pale, lightly freckled skin

light brown eyes

bisexual (though I play her in-game as straight because I just really connected with the all-male Unit Bravo for some reason)

Taurus, born 28 April 1992; 25 at the beginning of Book 1, turns 26 between Book 1 and 2

left-handed

Romance: all of them, I’m using the same Detective for all routes

(infodump about her under the cut, for my own purposes mostly but also for anyone interested)

--Was inspired to become a cop to help people after having one help her when she really, really needed it. Wanted to pay it forward, so to speak.

--Kira is a natural leader and very good at deduction and problem solving (it’s her second highest stat, after people/psychology). She would have likely gone out for detective soon anyway, but didn’t think she was ready or old enough to be in charge of the whole station yet and was surprised when the promotion came. The rest of the station had been secretly considering her their boss for years before Detective Reele retired, but Kira somehow has no idea.

--Totally shot Adam. Feels really bad about it but would never tell him that.

--Will drink tea or coffee, but prefers tea. Her favorites are cinnamon tea and masala chai. If she’s drinking coffee, she prefers the sugary, flavored, Starbucks-like variety, but will sometimes drink it black just to unnerve people (people mostly being Tina).

--Doesn’t wear much make-up, but likes to paint her nails. Usually black or some other dark color, a “layover from her misspent youth.”

--Wears contacts. Has gold-framed glasses that she wears when she has to, but hates them. She’s farsighted, so if for some reason she can’t wear her contacts, she only puts on the glasses for reading.

--Plays guitar and lap steel guitar. Prefers to play blues music, but can play just about any genre. A pretty good singer, but very shy about it. Probably only Rebecca and Tina have ever heard her sing as far as she knows. (she sings to herself at her desk sometimes, but doesn’t realize it. All of UB have probably noticed; Felix definitely has, and is likely waiting for a good opportunity to tease her about it)

--She’s always been very close with Rebecca. They’re both rather independent-minded, so she didn’t mind her mother’s absences so much. Mum was always there when she needed her, and always willing to listen, and that’s what mattered. Now that she knows what she does, Kira is sure that she’s called her mother while she was on a mission before, but Rebecca still always answered, and that fact makes her respect and admire her mum even more.

--Lost a bet to Verda in regards to The Reveal. Verda had said the Murphy case and its oddities were supernatural in nature, Kira said it was science experiments gone awry. Technically, they were both right, but Verda was more right. Kira looks forward to one day being able to tell him, even if she’ll be out £50 for it.

--The only reason Kira isn’t some reclusive hermit is because of Tina Poname. Tina and Kira met when they were both in a very low place, and have lifted each other up and helped put each other back on their feet. Their friendship is very important to Kira, and the fact that she can’t tell Tina that the Hot Secret Agents they’re working with are Hot Secret Agent Vampires is the hardest part of The Reveal. She’s not used to keeping secrets from Tina.

--Tina and Kira have a monthly movie night. One of them picks the movie and the other picks the food, then they swap the next month. It’s more like an adult slumber party than anything else, really, lots of wine and gossip and venting if need be. It’s a tradition going back years now and neither would miss it for the world.

--Is very good with people, it’s her highest stat, but doesn’t actually enjoy being around them much. Very much an introvert, prefers silence and solitude or the company of close friends only. She works very hard to be as approachable as she is.

--Curses like a sailor. Poor Nate.

--Loves to read. Anything and everything. You put a book in front of her and she’ll read it. Mysteries are a favorite.

--Her favorite color is wintergreen like Adam’s eyes.

--Apartment style would be somewhere between cosy and dark. Kind of a Spooky Grandma’s House vibe. Lush fabrics and textures, soft sofas and chairs, but subdued colors. Black, gray, navy blue, with pale blue and wintergreen accents. Artwork is mostly made by locals or by friends from university. Bookshelves nearly overflowing. Apartment is kept clean, but always looks a bit cluttered.

--Preferred clothing style is casual but professional. Jeans, most often paired with a t-shirt or button-up shirt. Mostly long sleeves, but with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows. Usually black, sometimes white or gray, very, very rarely dark green or dark blue. Black leather jacket when it’s cold. Almost always wears black boots; she paid more for those boots than she did for her car (but that says more for how little she paid for the car than how expensive her boots actually are).

--Speaks seven languages. English, Sign Language, Spanish, French, German, Welsh, and, because someone dared her to at university, Sindarin Elvish. With the exception of the elvish, she learned most of them out of necessity or exposure.

--English literature major. Doesn’t serve much in her job, but she’s still proud of it.

--Very shy when it comes to flirting. She hates it about herself. She’s very confident and self-assured in almost every other situation, but if someone starts showing the slightest bit of genuine interest in her she flusters very easily.

--Dated Bobby in year one at university for a couple months. With him in journalism and her in English lit, they had a lot of class overlap early on, and he was familiar and clearly interested and that was enough, for a while. She regrets that she fell so easily for his flirting and has resolved since to not be such an “easy mark” in the future. Hasn’t dated anyone since and hasn’t wanted to (until UB barge into her office, obviously). Kind of hates him, but would never let him know that; she is, instead, very meticulously polite to him, never any more or less.

--At the beginning of Book 1, she has 4 tattoos. Gets a 5th one during the 2 months between Book 1 and Book 2. -a small, stylized crown on her right wrist (Rebecca has a matching one that she hides under her watch band at work) because Kingston -bars of music wrapped around her right bicep (watercolour-style effect behind it - the music is Tom Petty’s “Won’t Back Down”) -a quote on the inside of her left bicep (“I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein) -a large full-color floral piece from her left hip almost to her knee (forget-me-nots for her father, lupines for her mother, lavender roses and verbena for herself) -new tattoo is a simple, black crescent moon on the back of her neck to symbolize a new beginning (keeps it hidden under her hair most of the time, especially at work).

--Preferred method of working out is rock climbing/wall climbing. Has some combat training, mostly just from the police academy, but she tries to attend aikido lessons when she has time. She likes that it lets her defend herself without being stronger than her opponent, especially now that she deals with the supernatural so much.

--Kira didn’t realize how attached she’d grown to Unit Bravo until the attack on her apartment. She wanted to stay to help her team; on every route, she has to be dragged away in order to get her to leave. Completely, 100% ride or die for all of them.

Kira is my only Detective and I’m using her in all four routes (sorry, folks, I can’t do the Love Triangle. I tried, but I can’t, it already hurts and I’m not strong enough). It’s been very interesting, since she has the same personality no matter what, to see in what ways she connects with each member of Unit Bravo, and the slight changes in her personality stats based on how she responds to romance-specific scenes.

Adam: arguably my “canon” romance for her, though I legitimately and completely love all of them. On his route, her stats skew a little more toward Stubborn and Impulsive because she’s spiteful and he’s kind of an ass, especially to start with.

They’re both headstrong and natural leaders, so they butt heads a lot in terms of authority. She doesn’t like that Adam tries to order her around, he doesn’t like that she refuses to listen to orders sometimes out of spite. But when they actually try to get along, they agree more often than not and could probably make an amazing team given time.

She’s completely, head-over-heels in love with him, but she hasn’t figured it out yet, though she knows she feels something for him. He makes her feel safe, which is how she knows that she’s in deep.

On Adam’s route, Nate is Kira’s best friend. Poor guy’s gonna be stuck between the immovable object and the unstoppable force for 7 fucking books.

Nate: On Nate’s route, Kira’s stats tend more toward Cautious, and also a bit more Heart on the Heart/Mind scale.

Of all of them, Nate would be the one Kira would be most surprised to find herself falling for. She’s not much of a romantic, generally, but she’s also never had anyone look at her like Nate does, or treat her like she’s something precious and important. She feels completely off balance with him and has no idea how to react. She has never been so overwhelmed with a desire to kiss someone before.

Personality-wise, they have a lot in common, both are good with people, compassionate, linguistically talented, and avid readers; to anyone except Kira, them getting together makes perfect sense. He probably doesn’t like how stubborn and foul-mouthed she is, but between Adam and Mason, he’s used to dealing with it.

On Nate’s route, Mason is Kira’s best friend. No one is more surprised about that than they are, and they aren’t really sure how that happened.

Felix: On Felix’s route, Kira skews more toward Easygoing and Impulsive.

In a word, Felix helps Kira relax. She’s a bit of a workaholic and he brings her out of her shell and reminds her that she’s more than just Detective Kingston. It’s refreshing and overwhelming. Romance with Felix is easy.

He’s the only one where she doesn’t end up 100% shy because, even though she still gets horribly flustered by him, he doesn’t make her as tongue-tied as the others do. Maybe it’s because he’s so much less intense than the others, but also she kind of feels like she’s always known him.

She wants to show him the world, all the little things about being human that she’s always taken for granted but he never had in Echo World. Paper airplanes and creepy travelling carnivals and movie theater popcorn and photo booths and everything. They’ll be good for each other, but them joining forces is probably very bad for everyone else.

On Felix’s route, Nate is Kira’s best friend. Unlike with Adam, he isn’t so much trapped between two opposing forces as he is an exhausted parent trying to corral overly-curious children.

Mason: On Mason’s route, Kira’s stats tend even more toward Genuine than they do on other routes, as well as Stubborn.

On the surface Mason and Kira probably don’t look like they’d work, but really I think they’re the pairing that makes the most sense. Mason doesn’t drain her social batteries as much as the others, even at the beginning when he’s as hostile toward her as possible. They both enjoy the quiet, and that’s where the first romantic feelings from her would form, in the calm and silent comfort she feels with him.

But obviously, it doesn’t start romantic even a little bit. At the beginning, she’s neither intimidated nor put off by his sharp, brusque personality, and she’s very flustered and intimidated by his intense manner of flirting, though she’s not really put off by it either. She doesn’t know how to respond to it (though he clearly enjoys how she reacts), but he makes her feel desired in a way she never has before. There’s a certain comfort to knowing that he only wants her physically, that he’s straightforward in his interests.

I imagine that she figures out she’s falling for him after he does something small that should be innocuous, some little off-hand affection that he didn’t even think about and she just goes “oh shit, I’m in love with Mason.”

On Mason’s route, Felix is Kira’s best friend. He definitely sees them falling for each other long before they see it and does everything he can to get them to stop being idiots and realize that they’re in love.

#the wayhaven chronicles #kira kingston #I'm also tagging this as #rhitober #day 12 #day 13 #because I've had a brutal migraine all weekend and can't concentrate to write creatively #but infodumping like this is easier #and since it's over 2k words I think it still counts as writing #I'm glad to finally get this all written down even if I'm probably the only one that'll read it #I've gotten really attached to kira #and I love the little details that change about her between romances even though her base personality stays the same #twc

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mooxnlights · 7 years

Text

Will You Still Love Me In The Morning?

Fandom: Marvel

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader, the Avengers

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, intoxicated reader

Word Count: 2,761

Requested: Yes

Anon: Can I request Bucky x reader where they both like each other but are too shy to admit. And of course Tony has some kind of a huge party and they all go and the reader who usually doesn't drink, drinks too much and Bucky decides to take her to her room and she hugs him on the way and says cute stuff to him and they end up confessing that they like each other haha I know it's stupid but idk I like shit like that Thank you sooooo much 💕

A/N: Not stupid at all love! Very cute actually. This got a bit long because I got towards what was meant to be the end where I got stuck not knowing how to end it (because I’m not a fan of such intimate and personal experiences/confessions taking place when either parties are under the influence) but then I took something off of the movie ‘Click’ and ended up making it longer. I’m not too fond of how it ends tbh but I hope you enjoy it.

IMPORTANT (apology): I’m sorry this was late and sorry for the other requests that are still coming. I’ve had a lot going on lately, I’ve had a formal, a death in the family + the funeral and a 6 hour RSA course all within two weeks but I promise the other requests are coming soon.

Y/N = Your name Y/L/N = Your last name

You were standing next to your friend and fellow avenger Sam Wilson as Tony made his grand entrance emerging onto the balcony above everyone holding his arms out as he took in the applause from the various guests he invited to his party that he nagged you all about attending. What was being celebrated? You had no idea but the idea of an open bar is what seemed to coax the team into attending, including you.

You were never a big drinker but you had been on quite a few missions lately so your stress levels have been at an all time high especially when on one of those missions a certain super soldier seemed to completely disregarded his own personal safety in order to help you when you were struggling with multiple hydra agents. This ultimately resulted in Bucky suffering a gunshot wound to his right shoulder which didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest as he recovered rather quickly with no damage to any organs or major arteries but it still made you feel guilty nonetheless. So with one free night where you know everyone on the team is safe and together in one room you decided to let loose. Primarily to wash away and numb some of the guilt you still held over endangering the man you had been harbouring a huge crush on since the day you met him. So with that established you headed over to the bar where you began a night that was sure to leave you with a headache the moment you woke up the next morning.

As the night went on most of your fellow Avengers had tagged teamed in coming to check up on you as you had barely moved from the bar where you had been laughing and swapping stories with Sarah, the bartender who had been bouncing between you and other guests all night.

Your current visitor however was the host of the gracious party himself, Mr. Tony Stark.

“You’re not draining the bar are you Y/L/N?” He jokingly questioned upon his arrival making you turn away from Sarah while she continued pouring drinks for other guests.

“Of course not man of the irons,” you responded in a deep voice before sipping the last of your drink and facing him as he stood next to you.

“That was my Thor impression,” you said as an answer to his confused but not surprised expression.

“When has Thor ever- No never mind, I came here to tell you, sweetheart that I’m cutting you off,” he declared loud enough for Sarah and the other bartender to hear who both nodded in response.

“You can’t do that!”

“I can and I will,” he responded calmly while taking your now empty glass off you and putting it on the counter before he started to help you out of your seat.

“This is America, it’s a free country!” You countered loudly, even though you were allowing him to help you to your feet where you stumbled slightly.

“Nothing is free sweetheart, especially when you're hammered at a bar that I’m paying for believe it or not.”

He started leading you away apologising to the surrounding guests who had to listen to your outburst.

“And by the way, could you maybe have used the confidence you gained at the bar to confess your feelings to Barnes instead of sharing cooking recipes and bikini wax stories with the bartender so the rest of us don’t have to suffer through anymore of the longing looks and reluctant flirting like its a high school cafeteria, its sickening, seriously.”

He sat you down on one of the couches where you were now in the middle of Natasha and Bruce who seemed more amused than annoyed at your interruption to their conversation. With a quick word from Stark informing them that you're not to be let out of their sights, he rushed off to continue playing host.

“How are you doing Y/N?” Bruce asked with a chuckle taking in your now subdued appearance as a result of Tony’s comment.

You sighed in response and rested your head on Nat’s shoulder closing your eyes as all sorts of heightened emotions ran through your brain.

Natasha and Bruce simultaneously looked at each other before Nat decided probe.

“What are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours Y/N?”

“I haven’t seen Bucky tonight,” you responded pathetically as you opened your eyes and sat up straight, trying to get comfortable.

“Well he’s right over there,” Bruce stated softly pointing over to where Bucky was standing alongside Steve watching Sam take on Rhodey at a game of pool.

“No, I haven't seen him,” you respond stretching out the word. “I’ve been here all night, conforming to society by wearing a dress I can barely breath in and not to mention these death shoes,” you continued while reaching down and slipping off your heels and now holding them in your lap, “and he doesn't even say hi to me? What the hell is that about? Can he just fall in love with me already so I don’t have to feel like a freaking lovestruck puppy whenever I see him?”

Nat gave Bruce a knowing look before responding to you, “why don't you just go tell him that then?”

“Well maybe not those exact words but tell him how you feel,” Bruce cut in.

You looked at him with a blank expression on his face before protesting “what the hell do you know? You could barely tell Nat how you feel.”

Natasha let out a short laugh while Bruce sighed.

“Who cares anyways nothings ever gonna happen, I’m just going to go to bed and be a self-depreciating hermit,” you stated while standing, not bothering to put your shoes back on and opting to carry them instead.

“Wait Y/N-” Bruce began before he was cut off by Nat.

“Sleep well babe and drink some water,” she said smiling at you while you nodded and began your trek to your room.

Bruce looked at her in confusion before questioning, “shouldn’t one of us go with her?”

“Don’t worry, someone else has that covered,” she said with a smirk before raising her wine glass to her lips as they both watched you get closer to the pool table that you had to pass in order to get to your room, the pool table that Bucky was still was next to.

Bruce let a smile take over his face as he silently held out a clenched fist that Nat acknowledged and proudly bumped with her own.

You cursed quietly to yourself as you continued to stumble despite not wearing the heels that were currently in one of your hands while the other landed on the pool table in order to steady yourself grabbing the attention of Sam, Rhodey, Steve and of course Bucky.

“Big night so far baby girl?” Questioned Sam as Steve came to your side like the gentlemen he is.

You didn’t notice however how Bucky tensed at the nickname Sam used for you.

“End of night,” you responded to Sam while brushing Steve off in order to convince him that you were fine to walk.

You weren’t.

You took three steps without the help of Steve or the pool table before you tripped over your own feet and fell flat on your ass. Bucky rushed to help you up while the others let out laughs. Except for Steve who tried to hide his chuckle with a cough.

“You guys are the worst,” you grumbled as you let Bucky help you, all the while your face heating up over embarrassing yourself in front of him.

“I think you’re right about it being the end of the night for you Y/N,” Rhodey said through laughs to which you flipped him off.

“Here I’ll help you to your room,” Bucky offered sweetly while taking your shoes out of your hands and wrapping his left arm around your waist to keep you steady as you continued your journey to your room now with Bucky’s help.

It was silent between you both until you made it to the elevator, Bucky hitting the button to your floor all the while keeping his arm around you as you stared up at him, completely mesmerised by the perfect structure of his face.

“How’s your shoulder?” You asked still staring up at him.

“It was over a month ago, I’m fine, stop worrying,” he responded gently.

“But it was my fault.”

“It wasn’t Y/N, it was mine and it saved you so it was worth it. Plus I’ve been through so much worse, that was like a paper cut,” he concluded with a chuckle.

“You’re so lovely,” you said with a dreamy sigh.

Bucky laughed at your comment putting it down to the alcohol but he still felt his face heat up.

You leaned in closer to him and wrapped your arms around him, pressing your cheek against his chest and taking in his scent. Bucky stilled and lightly wrapped his other arm around you with your shoes still hanging loosely from his hand.

He broke away from the hug and cleared his throat at the sound of the elevator dinging and the doors opening onto your floor. Keeping his arm around your waist he began to lead you down the hall.

“You’re so handsome, like you’re bone structure is just wow.” Bucky kept his eyes on the floor as you continued walking, grinning slightly.

“You’re eyes as well, I’ve never seen more beautiful eyes than yours. You’re so nice to me too, you’re just so selfless and sweet and charming. Probably why I’m so in love with.”

Bucky stopped immediately which just so happened to bring you right in front of your door.

“What did you say?” He questioned, his heart beating faster when he realised what you said.

“You’re not supposed to know that,” you said in a shocked whisper.

“Don’t worry you’ve just had too much,” he said in a dejected voice quickly blaming your words on the alcohol in your system.

He lead you through your door and walking you to your bed where he sat you down and made his way to your bathroom, dropping your shoes by the closet on his way there.

“I do mean it though,” you responded in a quiet and somewhat nervous voice.

Bucky closed his eyes and sighed before he returned to you and placed a towel over your pillow knowing you couldn’t be bothered taking off your makeup tonight.

“You don’t Y/N, get some rest.” He lightly pushed you down by your shoulders to where you were now resting your head on the towel while leaving the covers off you, knowing you will probably get uncomfortable still being in your dress.

It killed him to see you stare up at him the way you were, with a look adoration and love in your hazy eyes that Bucky’s current frame of mind took for you being an overly affectionate drunk. He had been in love with you since he first got to know you, you were one of the first of the team to accept and welcome him. You never acted overly cautious around him because of his past like some of the others did initially. You were always so kind to him and that’s what made Bucky hide his feelings from you, he always thought you saw him as a friend with how easily and eager you are to show him kindness, but little did he know it was because you were just as in love with him as he was with you, and through doubting that he felt the same way you decided to show it subtly through your actions.

“Please stay,” you asked again in that soft voice while reaching for him.

“Screw it,” he whispered quietly to.

You continued to stare at him as your eyes grew heavier. He shifted around your room bending over your desk as he scribbled something on a piece of paper and came back over to you.

“I don’t want you to regret anything tonight,” he said softly while putting the paper on your bedside table as he leaned down and pressed a long kiss to your forehead.

“Go to sleep,” he said pulling away from you.

You nodded your head with a soft smile on your face as you easily began to drift off into a peaceful slumber.

You awoke the next morning with a pounding ache in your head, it only took you a few moments of laying awake and staring at the ceiling that the memories of the night before came rushing back.

“Oh my gosh,” you groaned as you sat up and swung your legs over the side of the bed and sat with your head in your hands.

You were in the midst of calling yourself an idiot for the fourth time when you noticed something on your bedside table. Leaning over you picked up the paper and let out a choked breath when you read what was written on it.

‘Will you still love me in the morning?’

It was scrawled perfectly over the paper in Bucky’s neat hand writing.

You thought back to the kiss he left on your head last night, his soft words, him not being deterred by your proclamation of love.

“Friday where’s Bucky?” You called out as you stood up and shimmied out of your dress before slipping into a t-shirt and sweat pants.

“Mr Barnes is in the kitchen Miss Y/L/N,” Friday responded as you walked to your bathroom and began washing your face.

You let out a nervous sigh as you walked back over to your bed and picked up the paper again, you looked down at it for a moment before taking it with you and making your way to the kitchen.

You took a moment in the elevator to let out a shaky breath while gripping the paper securely in your hand. This was it, it was time to finally confess your feelings, sober that is. Your heart started beating even quicker as the elevator doors opened and you stepped out, you made your way to the kitchen at a quick pace knowing that if you didn’t get it over and done with now you would never do it.

You stopped as Bucky came into view, he had just turned away from the fridge where he was standing with a water bottle in his hand.

“Hi,” you breathed out once your eyes met.

“I know I look like a hungover piece of garbage but I really need to make things clear,” you began before he could respond.

Bucky simply nodded his head setting the water bottle down on the counter, doubts now circulating in his mind about your feelings for him.

You cleared your throat and looked down at the piece of paper still in your hand before you continued.

“What I said last night wasn’t because of the alcohol- I mean it was because I never would have actually admitted those things if I hadn’t of been drunk, but I have been thinking it for a long time now I just never knew how to tell you.”

Bucky looked down and took a few steps towards you while you held your breath waiting for his response.

“So you've been thinking for a while now that my eyes are the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen?” He questioned looking up at you with a grin.

You let out a laugh and looked down in embarrassment.

“Pretty much.”

“And my bone structure? Has that always been ‘wow?’” He teased as he stopped directly in front of you.

“Yes and you know it,” you mumbled still looking down.

You were forced to look up when you felt Bucky’s hand on your chin, your eyes shutting when you notice him leaning in.

You were stood in the kitchen with Bucky’s lips against yours, only pulling apart when a loud clapping came from behind you. Turning around you and Bucky came face to face with an unimpressed Tony Stark making his way around the two of you and towards the coffee machine.

“About damn time you kids got that out of the way, now scurry off and go do that somewhere that doesn’t disturb the sanctity and purpose of the kitchen.”

You and Bucky both looked at each other and shrugged your shoulders before exiting the kitchen hand in hand.

#marvel #bucky #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #the winter soldier #the winter solider x reader #the winter solider imagine #Sebastian Stan #request #requested

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poe-lhyzeal · 7 years

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Essentially Poe

Mediator Personality (INFP, -A/-T)

Mediator personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, Mediators have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the Mediator personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.

Being a part of the Diplomat Role group, Mediators are guided by their principles, rather than by logic (Analysts), excitement (Explorers), or practicality (Sentinels). When deciding how to move forward, they will look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue – Mediators are led by the purity of their intent, not rewards and punishments. People who share the Mediator personality type are proud of this quality, and rightly so, but not everyone understands the drive behind these feelings, and it can lead to isolation.

Personality Quiz tagged by the wonderful @kittkaleen! Thank you!

Quiz is here!!!

Tagging @aillesvakalahxiv @jadestormbrand @hydaelyns-three @pineapplepirate @twelveswoodhuntsman @darkaeth @ayikett @zazamun @zephyrusmontenbelt @drystanaislinn @fillees @kiaeracian-brigh and for anyone else who would like to do it!!!

I love this type of stuff and a lot more info below the cut!

At their best, these qualities enable Mediators to communicate deeply with others, easily speaking in metaphors and parables, and understanding and creating symbols to share their ideas. Fantasy worlds in particular fascinate Mediators, more than any other personality type. The strength of their visionary communication style lends itself well to creative works, and it comes as no surprise that many famous Mediators are poets, writers and actors. Understanding themselves and their place in the world is important to Mediators, and they explore these ideas by projecting themselves into their work.

Unlike their Extraverted cousins though, Mediators will focus their attention on just a few people, a single worthy cause – spread too thinly, they’ll run out of energy, and even become dejected and overwhelmed by all the bad in the world that they can’t fix. This is a sad sight for Mediators’ friends, who will come to depend on their rosy outlook.

If they are not careful, Mediators can lose themselves in their quest for good and neglect the day-to-day upkeep that life demands. Mediators often drift into deep thought, enjoying contemplating the hypothetical and the philosophical more than any other personality type. Left unchecked, Mediators may start to lose touch, withdrawing into “hermit mode”, and it can take a great deal of energy from their friends or partner to bring them back to the real world.

Luckily, like the flowers in spring, Mediator’s affection, creativity, altruism and idealism will always come back, rewarding them and those they love perhaps not with logic and utility, but with a world view that inspires compassion, kindness and beauty wherever they go.

Strengths

Idealistic – Mediators’ friends and loved ones will come to admire and depend on them for their optimism. Their unshaken belief that all people are inherently good, perhaps simply misunderstood, lends itself to an incredibly resilient attitude in the face of hardship.

Seek and Value Harmony – People with the Mediator personality type have no interest in having power over others, and don’t much care for domineering attitudes at all. They prefer a more democratic approach, and work hard to ensure that every voice and perspective is heard.

Open-Minded and Flexible – A live-and-let-live attitude comes naturally to Mediators, and they dislike being constrained by rules. Mediators give the benefit of the doubt too, and so long as their principles and ideas are not being challenged, they’ll support others’ right to do what they think is right.

Very Creative – Mediators combine their visionary nature with their open-mindedness to allow them to see things from unconventional perspectives. Being able to connect many far-flung dots into a single theme, it’s no wonder that many Mediators are celebrated poets and authors.

Passionate and Energetic – When something captures Mediators’ imagination and speaks to their beliefs, they go all in, dedicating their time, energy, thoughts and emotions to the project. Their shyness keeps them from the podium, but they are the first to lend a helping hand where it’s needed.

Dedicated and Hard-Working – While others focusing on the challenges of the moment may give up when the going gets tough, Mediators (especially Assertive ones) have the benefit of their far-reaching vision to help them through. Knowing that what they are doing is meaningful gives people with this personality type a sense of purpose and even courage when it comes to accomplishing something they believe in.

Weaknesses

Too Idealistic – Mediators often take their idealism too far, setting themselves up for disappointment as, again and again, evil things happen in the world. This is true on a personal level too, as Mediators may not just idealize their partners, but idolize them, forgetting that no one is perfect.

Too Altruistic – Mediators sometimes see themselves as selfish, but only because they want to give so much more than they are able to. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as they try to push themselves to commit to a chosen cause or person, forgetting to take care of the needs of others in their lives, and especially themselves.

Impractical – When something captures Mediators’ imagination, they can neglect practical matters like day-to-day maintenance and simple pleasures. Sometimes people with the Mediator personality type will take this asceticism so far as to neglect eating and drinking as they pursue their passion or cause.

Dislike Dealing With Data – Mediators are often so focused on the big picture that they forget the forest is made of individual trees. Mediators are in tune with emotions and morality, and when the facts and data contradict their ideals, it can be a real challenge for them.

Take Things Personally – Mediators often take challenges and criticisms personally, rather than as inspiration to reassess their positions. Avoiding conflict as much as possible, Mediators will put a great deal of time and energy into trying to align their principles and the criticisms into a middle ground that satisfies everybody.

Difficult to Get to Know – Mediators are private, reserved and self-conscious. This makes them notoriously difficult to really get to know, and their need for these qualities contributes to the guilt they often feel for not giving more of themselves to those they care about.

Relationships

Fortunately these are qualities that Mediators are known for, and while it can be a challenge to separate long-fostered fantasy from reality, Mediators’ tendency to focus their attention on just a few people in their lives means that they will approach new relationships wholeheartedly, with a sense of inherent value, dedication and trust.

As a relationship takes hold, people with the Mediator personality type will show themselves to be passionate, hopeless romantics, while still respecting their partners’ independence. Mediators take the time to understand those they care about, while at the same time helping them to learn, grow and change. While Mediators are well-meaning, not everyone appreciates what can come across as constantly being told that they need to improve – or, put another way, that they’re not good enough. Mediators would be aghast to find that their intents were interpreted this way, but it’s a real risk, and if their partner is as averse to conflict as Mediators themselves, it can boil under the surface for some time before surfacing, too late to fix.

The true friends of people with the Mediator personality type tend to be few and far between, but those that make the cut are often friends for life. The challenge is the many dualities that this type harbors when it comes to being sociable – Mediators crave the depth of mutual human understanding, but tire easily in social situations; they are excellent at reading into others’ feelings and motivations, but are often unwilling to provide others the same insight into themselves – it’s as though Mediators like the idea of human contact, but not the reality of social contact.

To top it all off, ideas like networking and “the friend of my friend is my friend” hold little weight with Mediators. Friendships are earned on their own merit, by dint of the intuitive respect Mediators have for those with similar principles and values, rather than more practical alignments like those of coworkers. Mediators’ tendency to protect their sensitive inner cores and values from criticism, especially if they are on the more turbulent side of the spectrum, means that acquaintances will likely get nowhere near them without sustained and tactful effort.

But, if Mediators’ shields are properly navigated and they decide to open up and trust another person, a strong, stable friendship will ensue, marked by passionate support and idealism, subtle poetic wit, and a level of emotional insight that is hard to match. Mediators’ friends will be rewarded with calm, sensitivity and depth, and an ever-present desire to help, learn, and grow. But even the most confident and assertive Mediators will only be able to keep up this relaxed and present exterior for so long.

#Poe Lhyzeal #personality #prompt #I love these things

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namsjoonie · 7 years

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okay so this is not going to be a very happy post and it’s not kpop related so feel free to scroll past this if you want, but I need to put this down somewhere before I have a full blown anxiety attack. I’m going to be talking about my experience with life-long weight management, weight loss surgery, touching on social anxiety and bullying, and things of that nature under the cut so if any of that is triggering to you, please don’t read it

all growing up, I was bigger than everyone my age. not just in weight, but also in height. I was also very smart and shy, which, when combined all together, left me a giant target for bullying. It was never to the extent that a lot of bullying gets to, just terribly mean comments, being purposely left out of birthday party invites, being asked out on fake dates, etc. My mother saw how unhappy I was and thought that maybe if I lost weight, things would improve for me (keep in mind that I’m still in elementary school at this point). so we did weightwatchers. can you imagine the embarrassment and shame you feel as an 8 year old at a weightwatchers meeting? while counting up your points for your sandwich and capri sun during lunchtime? well I’ll tell you that it doesn’t feel great. after weightwatchers, we tried the atkins diet, the cabbage soup diet, etc. basically every fad diet trend, I’ve tried. in 6th grade, my parents brought up the idea of going to a weight loss camp for the summer. yep, you read right, I went to fat camp. and let me tell you, it wasn’t like the movie Heavyweights with hidden compartments in the cabins for candy. I spent 8 weeks in San Diego, basically working out from 10-4 every day. that summer, I ended up losing somewhere around 30 pounds and I finally looked ‘normal’ for once in my life. Then I started middle school. Despite my major transformation (in my eyes, it was major), I was still the brunt of all the jokes. I got asked out on countless fake dates. my friends called me ‘Oaf’ instead of my name, and I had begun to develop social anxiety at that point, so I was too scared of rejection to go out and find new friends. I was so unhappy that I gained all the weight back, plus more. by the time I was a freshman in high school, I was 5′8″ and somewhere around 275 pounds. freshman year saw my parents bringing up different options for weight control. one option that they brought up was weight loss surgery. there was a new surgery that was developed called the LapBand. instead of cutting away part of your stomach, the LapBand, is, as the name suggests, a band that wraps around the stomach that restricts the amount of food you are able to eat and is completely reversible. so in february 2007 at the age of 15, I had weight loss surgery. I was the youngest person to have the LapBand surgery up to that point. That first year, I lost about 100 pounds and was so happy because I could finally shop in real clothing stores for the first time without worrying about even the XXL size not fitting. but then something went wrong with the band. you see, the band can be filled with saline to make it more restrictive, something I was going to my doctor to have adjusted every other month or so. somehow, my doctor fucked up and filled my band completely with saline, making it nearly impossible to keep any food down. since I couldn’t keep anything down, I said “fuck it” to keeping to a diet. I wanted to eat like a normal teenager could. this continued for about 4 months or so until I could get in to see the doctor again. he insisted that there was nothing wrong with the band and that there was absolutely no saline in the band. he said that it was me being undisciplined and blamed it all on me. I asked him, on the verge of tears, to just check the band. and lo and behold, when he inserted the syringe, it immediately filed with saline solution. the jackass didn’t even apologize or admit that he was wrong. from that point on, I refused to go back and see him. even after he removed all the saline from the band, I still had issues keeping food down, all the way un to this day. No matter what I eat, I have to get up at least once every meal to vomit. even if all I’ve had that day is water, I can’t keep it down. because of this constant vomiting, my teeth are ruined. my mouth is filled with fillings because of the stomach acid wearing away the enamel. at night, if I don’t have my head propped nearly straight up, I will throw up in my sleep and wake up basically drowning in my own vomit. I’m afraid of going out with friends for too long because there’s only so many times you can go to the bathroom without people becoming suspicious. Due to my past with bullying and the issues with my LapBand, I have a bit of social anxiety. I rarely trust people enough in real life to talk about anything even remotely personal. in my everyday life, I don’t go out to bars or clubs or anything of that nature. I go to work and go home. I love going to concerts and going to visit friends in other cities, but I hate going out anywhere in my hometown for fear of running into someone from high school. Thankfully, I’ve grown quite a bit more confident in myself and comfortable with who I am as a person, as well as looking completely different from high school, so most of the time I can escape unnoticed, but the fear is still so present. I only keep in contact with one person from my childhood and she has been my best friend since we were 5. I’m too afraid of the people from my past only using me and my friendship to benefit themselves to want to stay in touch with them. I’ve never had a real relationship, only hookups, because being intimate with someone and having someone know all my secrets and having them see me completely naked scares the shit out of me to the point of having anxiety attacks. I’m pretty sure this is because of how many times I was asked out of fake dates, used as a pawn by boys to get closer to my friends, been chatted up by guys only because their friend was interested in my friend and then being left completely alone once their friend got to talking with mine, etc. I’m done. just completely done with everything at this point. I’m sick and tired of living my life like this. I’m tired of constantly overthinking everything. I’m tired of never feeling like I’m worthy of being loved. I’m tired of this nearly hermit lifestyle I’ve been living for the last 5 years. I’m tired of not being able to go a day without throwing up and hating myself. I just want to feel normal again. So I’ve decided that 9+ years of suffering with this band is enough. I’m making an appointment with my doctor to talk about getting the band removed. I’m hoping that the removal surgery will be covered by my insurance, so if you guys could all send good vibes my way, I would really appreciate it. If you’ve gotten all the way to this point, thank you for reading. This post hasn’t been a very fun one to read but I felt like it was finally time to get all this written down and off of my chest. if you have any questions about anything I mentioned or just want to talk, feel free to message me. ~Mo

#personal #tw:anxiety #tw: bullemia #kinda?#tw bullying

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