#i know i have issues but im broke

[snows-2am-thoughts]

friend: you made a whole new tumblr to post and you haven’t posted in months, what happened?

me: I got sad D:

friend: i’m not surprised, your top kins are dazai, scaramouche and saiki kusuo

me: well now im just offended

#bungou stray dogs #genshin impact #dlosk #Dazai Osamu #scaramouche #kusuo saiki #dazai #saiki #lets not forgot to add megumi and kenma into that list #i know i have issues but im broke #i cant afford to be mentally stable #id really like some motivation brain

[naturecalls111]

Me, consuming any other media ever: how can I make this about zosan

#nc111 talks #zosan #this is about me playing fe3h for the eighteen billionth time and finding little delusional concepts in sylvix that makes me go #'nod nod nod that's so zosan of them so true' #like objectively it really isn't zosan of them at all but sometimes I see it between the lines and I'm like oh zosan sunglasses emoji #if you dare me i can even find the lawlu in sylvix im so talented #I'm not even kidding if someone made a game out of turning things into zosan i would never lose #i had an ant infestation in my bathroom the other day and I made it about zosan #my brother was like WE HAVE BIGGER ISSUES THAN YOUR YAOI RIGHT NOW #like........ there is no bigger issue than my yaoi at any given moment.....ever.......... #whispers although I have to admit I enjoy the sylvix dynamic more than i do the zosa- *gets shot* #im so sorry there's just only so much bickering i can take before i'm like *smacks ship* I NEED YOU TO BE MORE BLATANTLY KIND TO EACH OTHER #In a way that doesn't feel so teeth-gritty or. well. OOC. LOL #Anyone who likes sylvix AND zosan will know what i mean I'm not going to explain it. iykyk #WAIT LMAO IM NOT DONE. EDIT: #when my first boyfriend broke up with me i was a melodramatic little shit about it #had a diary that i would like pour my heart into and the other day i came across it #and it's really telling that my first thought was “omg.... so zosan-” LIKE GIRL GET A GRIP YOU ARE DETACHING FROM REALITY #all for zosan CRIES ALL FOR ZOSAN...

[3-aem]

MY BRAINS NOT WORKING AND THE CUTE BOY I WORK WITH KEEPS CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR THIS IS SO AHAIWIAKSDHDGRRRRHRNE

#dhakaksdjs fuckdwkufeisfjsjajsueei #im using a translator and it keeps outputting 您 instead of 你 and he keeps calling it out like bro ur making it awkward #AND IM LIKE SORRY I CANT ACTUALLY WRITE IN THIS LANGUAGE IM REALLY DU M. BB #also he offered to take over the last part bc i was like hi its almost 9pm here and i literally cannot think anymore #like i am certain its a very easy last part my brain is just finished #i feel so bad bc i wanted to push this proj over the line #this company is so intense i am so baby i am so tired #hugging my cat and rubbing my gross face all over his gross body #me in vc trying to figure out how to say: it was broken earlier idk how it was fixed u saw it was broke tho right #but all that came out was: in the past it was….problematic… *20 yr silence* #before he awkwardly went: um its okay i dont think this is necessary also u have lint issues #and i was just like ya….i know 😭 #its ambiguous to some of my teammates if i just dont understand them or if im fking dumb #its probably both im ngl #the blank stare i have on my face is first from trying to comprehend what the actual words they are saying mean #and then to comprehend what technical concept they are trying to convey #using like 50% of the information i managed to parse out #also im used to literally spending 30-40% of the working day talking smack #now i try to crack and joke and everyone is like three this isnt the time #three we are all gonna be hear past 9pm working this isnt the time

[ganondoodle]

serious question, are there ANY (wired) headsets made today anymore that have seperated plugs for audio and microphone??

usb ones always cause trouble and the only other ones i can find are those with combined audio+mic into one plug, which i dont have the ports on my PC for.............

i tried looking through adapters but the only ones i can find are those that combine seperate ones, id need the reverse (if thats even possible)

(visualization bc i feel like i am losing my sanity trying to explain what i mean, am i stupid? did i halluzinate the two jack/plug thing???? do only cheap garbage ones have this??? is that one of the gaming chair things??? like oh you want a GAMING headset- that means either combined or usb haHA???)

#ganondoodles talks #personal #issue being that the new headset i bought is usb only and- of course- has a background noise that probably only ppl like me hear #im super sensitive to sound #like i hear bats and dog whistles you arent meant to hear #old headset (not the broken one) has a slight static and trouble with very silent sound which it cuts out #hence i got the newer ones (the now broken one) which didnt have that problem but well .. it broke after little use #new one has a weird beeping chirping in the bg #im so tired #(new one is the razer kraken v3- its usb only and any other plugs they have for other models are the damned combined one) #my computer isnt even that old but i literally cant find a single headset with those plugs seperated when i dont have that port #will i ever find a headset that fucking works with no drawbacks???? #(wireless isnt an option bc i hate wireless anything that isnt a controller you can also use wired) #i know it may sound like its not working right but i am 100% certain its one only people like me can even hear #also i got no nerves to try and send anything back to amazon ... for once i bought it there.... #or am i just stupid or did i miss some shit that made it standard to just call it differently or sth #like my pc has an audio port at the front and a mic port- two ports #the plugs (jacks???????) i see are the ones that have it in ONE #and i dont have it

[ruthlesslistener]

i fucking hate biomedicalizing anything about being trans because as much as i love understanding the world through a biological science perspective, the last thing that anyone needs is for there to be this quantifiable measurement on 'transness' out there for transphobes to get a hold of but at the same time. sometimes i look at myself- at how fucking sick i got when i was on estrogen and all the physical health problems i had before i went on testosterone and how they all seemed to have magically dissapeared as soon as i got on t- and i can't help but wonder if there's some genuine physical disconnect going on there. like i was physically wired to have a specifically masculine hormone balance and not having it once i hit puberty is why i was so physically fucked up even before i realized i was trans

idk, physiology is a complex mess of things and sex is a multi-tiered system affecting all parts of the body and multiple organ systems so its likely different for everyone bc of that (not even getting into social dynamics) but. the fact that i havent felt crushing fatigue and muscle weakness and unexplained bouts of nausea/gi issues and random bouts of muscle aching or sudden weight gain despite varying my diet and havent had the irregular debilitatingly painful periods or periods that literally never stopped once they started ever since i went on t is something that i cant help but think about

#i mean my mental health has been fucking soaring recently too but thats to be expected from transitioning #what gets me is how im also experiencing an end to what was essentially an undiagnosed chronic condition #granted a good chunk of it is also hypothyroidism but like. i was on meds for that for almost a year before starting t #and i was still experiencing a lot of physical health issues along with it #though ig i shoudlnt be surprised bc my mom (who is cis and also a fucking amazing trans ally) also needs hormones #so perhaps its just genetic #or maybe i was born with female genitalia because of hormone imbalance in the woumb and that fucked me over #because GOD KNOWS that what i have inside me is broke as fuck

[fembutchboygirl]

I just learned something so incredibly fucked up

#i am trembling #i cannot let this enable my issues with paranoia further! haha! oh my fucking god #im not joking btw im literally physically trembling. how did this happen oh god oh GOD nononono dont let it get to you #i just need to know. was someone like. double dealing? was someone telling him about it #i wouldnt give a shit if they were stalking me online occasionally (well id care a little bit but honestly itd just be kinda fucked) #but if someone was telling him about me and my personal stuff? #stop. i dont want to think about it. i dont want to think it happened. i have to get this out of my head #but still. absolutely fucking deranged. #ESPECIALLY bc apparently he's been saying i “made him think he was abusive'' and that doing that was shitty of me bc he actually #just has bpd?????? #sol if you're reading this listen closely: one of my best friends has bpd. diagnosed and everything. so shut the fuck up #much like you've been saying i blamed my adhd for being neglectful (read: not meeting your sky-high standards for Truly Loving You 24/7) #you cannot blame your bpd for what a shit person you've been #repeatedly asking you to work on a flaw that's been hurting me is not telling you you're abusive you fucking prick #get a life‚ learn to care about other people away from what they can do for YOU‚ #and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. #p.s. imagine being mad that people who were friends with both you and your partner didnt suddenly cut the other one off after you broke up #like actually angry at these people. what the actual fuck. you're like a divorced parent upset that their child still talks to their ex-wife #my posts

[priffi]

they're both assholes, can we acknowledge that? he did some shit but he also doesn't deserve the extra shit she's doing. she's allowed to speak out but she's not allowed to bring that extra pain. there's a reason he's coming back and it's not because he wants to but because he has to my god

#im not trying to defend him in any way but can we at least acknowledge that harrassment and docxing are not of his own invitation or accord #like can she leave the situation alone atp. he's not coming back nor does he plan on or trying it so can you stop practically #shouting into fifty megaphones trying to get his attention and hurting him in the process? #this punishment doesn't “cancel” out the crime because they're both bad. there #im sick of this place and there and i honestly have tried to move on from him so can we at least #given that we are trying to “deplatform” him #not give him the attention or time of mind and not in a sense that he hasn't been #punished enough but that it really doesn't matter? is this issue involving you? #i was hurt by this too. but im doing my best to get over it and i don't know why SHE of all people is failing the most at it #if you broke your arms and legs and need someone to call help there's no need to flail your limbs around your shouting was enough #perspective #nbh

[coffee-bat]

guys im gonna cry (/pos)

#so i have a very weird type of chronic pain right #where aside from the normal pain there's also like. itching inside my joints. 24/7 #like restless legs syndrome but its also in my neck; right elbow; fingers; recently wrists joined; and all leg joints from knees down #there's a constant itch and need to move and bend them past their healthy range and nothing helps nothing brings any relief #and its unbearable. genuiely unbearable. #so #two days i broke and decided to try ordering a cooling+painkiller gel for the joints #without really much hope that it'll do anything #it came today. i tested it on my wrist 20 minutes ago #and oh my god #guys. #the joints almost dont itch #for the first time in months my wrist bones dont itch #im genuiely getting teary eyed oh my god #like i know this probably seems trivial when you dont have this issue #most people take non-itchy joints for granted and its normal to you #but for me its not. ive had this 24/7 since i was 12. i forgot what its like to not have to be constantly moving and bending. #god. i wanna cry #personal #chronic pain #rare positive vent lol

[saturno-sol]

Yknow maybe it’s not a good thing to have kids with a ten year+ difference between them.

#vent #just. a lot of realizing stuff that has been gnawing at my brain for a while #for those who dont know all kf my siblings are like over 19 years older than i am #which at face value isn’t inherently the issue #but it starts digging in that out of all of my sisters #im the odd one out #because im the youngest #and it always felt like they were less my sisters and more extra parents #treating me more like one of their own children than their sister #and at first it didn’t bother me/i didn’t care enough to be bothered #but now its just #im 21. i wanna be apart of the in group #i wanna get to relate to my sisters because now im an adult and im on their level #but im still not #im still just this weird awkward little girl #and its frustrating #knowing that they dont take me seriously #that im not #idk sister enough because i was born much later than they were #and my dad being always irritated by the fact that he has to come pick me up from college #and how he never acts this way if we go visit the girls (same amount of travel time) #doesnt help the alienating feeling at all lmao #i think the straw that broke me was the fact that they all have a groupchat #my dad and my three sisters #but never was I included or even asked about it #idk. maybe im thinking too hard about this but its just like #i want to belong. what do i need to do to belong. #what is wrong with me that I can’t be seen as an equal as their sister too #its #hard

[crescentmp3]

this feels so childish

#i know‚ normal teenage things and all - but two people in a relationship in my friend group just broke up #because one of the two cheated on the other... #moreover‚ they're a few years younger than me. #it just- seriously‚ this is what we have to worry about at this age? #i want to say we should focus on productive things but it's not as if im not entangled in my own struggle with love. #i know well just how deep my own love goes due to the mental illness and all - but looking at all of this from a third person perspective.. #i don't know. i feel like im wasting all this precious time worrying about social issues instead of studying for my future career in mind? #“you're 25 you should be at the club” but im a teenager i should be studying #🌙rambling

[antarcticajoy]

:( :( :(

#my grandma in Toledo fell #and broke her other hip #and needs surgery but apparently has heart issues #that need to be controlled before they can do surgery #guys i have a really bad feeling about this one #like really really bad #fuck i don't know what to do #sorry for sadposting #i just need to vent im so choked up and panicked #fuck

[elevensbian]

i feel like tumblr is a good place to call out to autistic bitches so. does anyone happen to know how i could find a waterproof light that isn't flashy or multicoloured or horrifically bright for showering purposes. dim-ish warm light is all i can really tolerate but idk if there's a version of that that'd survive in a small bathroom with dodgy ventilation that gets very wet

#i know most things would probably be fine but im paranoid after my headphones broke from water damage bc of me leaving them in the bathroom #idk i have some ideas for stuff that could work in a push #but i figured maybe someone has had the same problem and figured it out better sooo #actually autistic #autism #sensory issues #idk how to tag this lol #light sensitivity #sensory processing disorder

[gaydryad]

new update also eradicating all icons alongside posts on my dash. also seems that they update how the dashboard url works for if you have infinite scroll off, which is BAD bc non-unique urls == more easy to lose your place (this is a problem if you are me specifically bc sometimes a bitch needs to reset the cache with a hard reload and if the url isn't unique I'm going to lose my place !! this is a problem for no one who isn't me (using a version of chrome (dont @ me) that is from 2021 (DON'T @ ME) (I KNOW)) but hrrmf rude.)

#void talks #:vibe: #oh also it broke xkit's auto tagging in the post editor but that's been an issue ever since they updated the post editor #which is not like the worst but it annoys me specifically bc my memory is bad but I like having consistent tagging for posts I make #and whatnot #but I guess that's :sparkle: too fucking nice to keep :sparkle: #yes im using discord emoji names in tags I don't have an emoji keyboard. you know what I mean #am I extra irritable bc illinois is hot and humid and I just realized I left two of my knives in albuquerque? perhaps. #but I'm making it tumblr's problem anyway

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#so i do this thing where i. dont process emotions. correctly. lmao. which im sure is not extremely obvious. lmao. #when i was a kid i spent a lot of time in school counselor offices. lmao. &my high school counselor referred to this issue as being #an 'emotional cripple'. lmaoooo. she referred to the total fucking meltdowns that these times would culminate in as #'a dam bursting'.mao. which i guess was correct i spent a lot of time on conduct probation bc of those little... episodes. lmao. #... (&like all 4yrs on academic probation bc of the much longer stints of mental instability that makes effort of any sort impossible LMAO) #so anyway i started using media to force emotional response to speedrun the trial of processing my emotions #bc once you start crying or screaming or whatever it doesnt really matter what started it; work yourself up enough #&youll end up at the place where it all ends. &begins. &needs to be unraveled or chopped in half. lmao. #&i never stopped using this tactic bc if it aint broke dont fix it LMAO. #so after kicking the process off w millers books ive listened to warsan shires bandcamp almost nonstop #&just finished rewatching the hxh chimera ant arc lmaoooo. #ALMOST. IM ALMOST THERE. I KNOW IT. just a little more force&ill be balanced again i know it. #summer is here i dont have time for this anymore lmao.

[horce-divorce]

tbh I have been doing really well all things considered but when I hit a low now it's extremely lower than low. anyway I'm fucked up tonight. it feels like I'm invisible even to my favorite people and the only thing I'm good for is whatever I can do to quietly support others while they all largely go on without me. living their lives and acting their age and falling in love and being real human people while I'm doing uhh. whatever the fuck my whole deal is.

I have done such a good job self isolating in these situations over the past few years I no longer know how or where to reach out for the same comfort I readily give my friends in this situation. it feels like every friendship I've ever had was something I was more invested in and like it's not right for me to ask them to hold my hand back.

I don't like where my head is rn but. I took my pill already and I'm falling asleep and I'm gonna have such fucked up dreams. I feel so profoundly empty right now. I just wish someone cared enough to text me goodnight and good morning anymore. every time I felt that way about someone it was either not reciprocated or, *checks notes* not reciprocated. like even platonically I usually feel like I'm way more invested.

It has to be me right I mean. I'm the common denominator here. it has to be something I do wrong. I just keep trying harder to take care of everyone else around me like that's gonna make me more lovable somehow, and not just. in the same one sided situation I'm always in.

Sorry for the big sads but as mentioned I don't reach out much anymore when I should and I think admitting I'm crying myself to sleep on main is the closest I can get rn so. here we are

#me #prsnl #i need to be held like a very small baby #is what i actually need #i am so touch starved its not even fucking funny anymore like i thjnk maybe it broke my brain a little actually. #im stupider now and also more unlovable. idk how it just feels true. #i saw a fb post today thats like heart this if u have a crush on me! #nd i know i will literally never get attn like that if i dont invite it #but the idea that i will share that post and simply get no responses #is SO very real and visceral to me like. i actually cant picture another outcome #like i panicked a little even thinking about sharing it #bc i very much had the urge to #thats where im at #how do i describe this issue to my therapist lmao. #if someone so much as held my hand or like leaned on me rn i would have. an absolute meltdown

[carryonmylovelies]

omg hey hotties 😭😭 im back !

#sooooooooooooo anyways not me dropping off the face of the earth for like the entire summer vwkqmqjdhsowjwjwjenkwhwk #just had to die for a little bit u know....disappear into the abyss and all that #pls look away from all the shit im abt to throw into these tags 😁 unless u want 2 read my cringe oversharing essay for the day 👍 #my summer was so silly 😍 ummmmm lets see i lost my fulltime job at the daycare bc the owner very rightfully decided to retire and close #so i was unemployed for the whole summer except for my occasional side jobs and also had to move bc of family shit #so im living w my grandma for the time being and its utterly amazing tbh my grandma and i have a really strong bond and relationship #and i really love getting to come home and see her every day. i decorated her house for halloween a week ago 🎃🎃🎃 #and she couldnt stop talking abt how nice everything looked and how glad she was to have me there and i just abt broke down 😭😭😭 #i did a complete fucking 180 jobwise im actually training to be a certified fire alarm inspector now LMFAO #i really really like it so far and have like a million stories already abt all the shit ive done/seen so far #im the only girl looking son of a bitch thats working and training in the field out of my entire region of the company so 🤪 #literally shoved my dykey nb ass in there and now im fucking it up with the boys heyoooooo #ummm me and one of my best friends started dating bc of a miscommunication (BC OFC WE DID I KNOW I KNOW ITS SO MF GAY) #and our 4 mo anniversary will be on halloween which i think is the swaggiest fag shit in the whole WORLLLDDDDDDDD 😫🎃🖤🧡 #my very beloved pet rabbit of over 8 years died quite unexpectedly in august and i was. doing pretty bad for awhile which sucked so so hard #he had multiple health issues and was over 10 yrs old so its hard to say what exactly happened. my gf and gma both pulled me thru that shit #and my besties gave me so much support and love idek what i would have done w/o them. i miss my baby so bad. #ive also had some health issues which sucks absolute BALLS #and recently figured out that the migraine/anti depressant meds ive been on for the last THREE MF YEARS have been fucking up my body lmao #but on the flipside going back 2 the positives i got to have some really incredible experiences/interactions in the past few months #and those were really huge in helping me get my shit together again #i got to take my girlboygirlfriend on little daytrips throughout the summer. i got a second tat🕷🕸❣️ (which my gf designed 😫) #i met girl queen pussy slay miss felicia day AND met the sexiest creature alive harvey guillen and he told me he liked my hair #which im still super duper normal over i can assure u 😁👍 definitely didnt alter my brain chemistry or anything #i saw gods greatest and most valuable gift to this planet on monday (mcr concert) #and had my entire mind body heart and soul so thouroughly fucked up that im still peeing my goddamn pants over it #and of course now its october :) my rotting flesh and sickened brain knows peace once more #bouta go eat up some drawtober posts right the fuck now so prepare yourselves 👁👁 also gonna be making a post on the coc blog soon as well #its already that time of year again mwhahahahahahahahahaha #so yeah 😋 my summer was goofy and silly as hell. i hope u all have been doing okay and im so happy 2 be back pls hmu if u wanna chat !!!