#i just. man i don't know. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scrawnytreedemon · 8 months

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Part of me, after all this time of kinda feeling 'eh' about the prospect, wants to try dating. Issue is that I basically have no options in my area, and as many lovely people as there are online who I'm compatible with... Once we officially start dating, I just can't keep up?

It's a mixture of not having anything physical to do(not even talking that I mean like going out and shit) and also needing to be more active online when my track record is already very spotty, lol.

Plus, thinking about the future, y'kno? Not even in a marriage and kids kinda way, but like,,, how viable would it be to close the distance? What if I found someone more generally suited to me in my area, even if we don't share that soul-bond?

It ends up being easier to stay friends, even if in person I know I'd be all over them. Don't want to strain the lovely thing we already have.

#scrawny rambles #something's gotta change and that might be me #i just. man i don't know.#i'm curious and i think under the right circumstances it could be alot of fun #but alot of the times the other party gets caught up in the idea of romance that they kinda forget whatever issues we might be facing first #usually circumstancially #it's sucks because i don't get to have that head-over-heels dazzled by love throwing all caution to the wind mentality #because i end up having to carry concerns for both of us if you get what i mean???#like it's nice it's fun but i can never be truly carefree #i don't want to be a killjoy i want to explore i want to have a good time i want another person to open up to #but i guess i need that other person to be grounded at least somewhat. maybe then i could float too.#ahhhhuuuaaa...........#there's also the other horrible issue of my feelings usually being sparked *by* the fact it wouldn't be a good idea to get with them #and then bottling it up for months or even a year in the case of my ex-gf (amiable)#feeling horrid and guilty and wishing i didn't feel anything at all #i end up confessing not out of the hope to start something but to get the weight off my chest #if they don't like me back. then terror but also relief.#more often they DO and on one hand it's thrilling it's incredible it's top of the world #...and then the dread kicks in #the fear that my feelings will fade that i'm not feeling enough #and i think part of that is that i *do* need some form of physical contact in order to keep the *passion* alive #otherwise... it just ends up falling into friend territory again #maybe my sample-size is too small and i'm generalising #i don't know #it seems guilt and terror are massive motivators and get sublimated into intense longing #and then once that again... it inverts. which is so stupid like come on. come the fuck on.#anyhow there's your session of scrawny pouring her heart out. confess your love in the replies to me ig. lmaoo

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butchfalin · 5 months

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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leupagus · 1 year

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It's really fucked up when you treat characters like people and people like characters.

#this is about fandom but also just generally #I'm seeing a lot of this lately and I don't quite know how to talk about it yet #but man it's bumming me out

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inkskinned · 7 months

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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

#warm up #writeblr #this one has bothered me for a bit #any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime #hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying #as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing #like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts #why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge #''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it #ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace #if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible #ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing #the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....

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selenityshiroi · 11 months

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Zelda travelling around Hyrule after the Calamity and people are tripping over themselves to tell her stories about the Hero because they love that feral cryptid mad man and are so proud of him

'I met him when I was about to get eaten by a Hinox...he jumped off a horse, fired 12 arrows in the blink of an eye and then got smacked in the face with a tree...but then he came back and hacked away at it's legs with this stupidly big sword until it finally died'

'He was wearing this weird patched together mask that looked like a monster but he made enough curry for everyone so we didn't like to ask'

'But...the hero was a girl? She wore these lovely green silks and every time she came out of the Gerudo Canyon she had a bag full of electric safflina to sell to Beedle over there. The Gerudo think she's an amazing fighter, which says a lot, and she always thanked me for looking after her horses when she went into the desert'

'I swear to Hylia that he ran through here wearing nothing but his underwear and a mask shaped like a leaf...claimed he was looking for the Children of the Forest. Sorry, Princess, but I'm not sure he was quite right in the head at the time'

'He used to creep in here silently wearing this grey mask and with enough lizards and beetles that we could make enough elixirs to last for a month. Not sure I ever saw his face without it'

And the entire time Link is stood neatly dressed, three steps away, listening to every word and no one pays him the slightest bit of attention. Because none of them cotton on that 'prim and proper Royal Knight' Link and 'I will defeat this Lynel with a stick, a pot lid and a bucket load of adrenaline' Wild Child Hero is the same man. Especially with how many masks he owned.

When they walk away and are out of sight and earshot Zelda just raises her eyebrow with a smile and he is like '...I can explain...it made sense at the time'

#botw #totk #zelink #because zelink vibes #i just love this duality of 'royal knight link' and 'feral link'#and i know the whole 'i don't know this man' thing is a game mechanic because they are trying to not exclude people who didn’t play botw #but i am chosing to translate it as 'he wore so many masks that no one knows his face'#and those who do just can't see him as the same man who follows zelda devotedly like a tame puppy #zelda hears all the stories and is just 'yeap that's my man ❤️'#because an inquisitive scientist and a fearless experimenter are a match made in heaven

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egophiliac · 5 months

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I have SO many thoughts about everything and they are in no kind of order yet, so here's just some quick little bits in the meantime!

I am not normal about any of these characters!

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #me just staring at the ceiling thinking about anime characters #if i start talking about the big stuff now it's going to turn into a huge rambling mess so in the meantime #i did not get sebek (yet) (i need to contemplate my gems...) but i did see his groovy #he is just full-on cinderella-sparkles bibbidi-bobbidi-booing into that armor! magnificent.#and i really don't have enough words for how much i love tiny malleus. he is perfect. he is precious. he is everything to me.#he knows who his dad is no matter what some crusty dead talking ectoplasm blobs say #(man no wonder lilia's got hangups if THAT was the general attitude he was getting)#('eww you got your dirty bat cooties on the prince' go sit in the corner with mrs. rosehearts you absolute garbage)#(...i did kind of love that lilia started to wake up because the senate said one nice thing to him)#(and he immediately was like 'this is not reality')#(sounds about right)#on a lighter note i was just. SO charmed by the little throwaway about ✨dragon lord consort esteemed diplomat revaan✨#who picks the vegetables out of his food and hides them under the tablecloth #everything i learn about this man makes me like him more. he was SO dumb.#now we know where malleus gets it from i guess #also unrelated but once again the fact that i named my mc tamago has had unintentional consequences #tamago take the tamago and tamago tamagao tamago #frikkin love that when yuu gives the egg back you can just be like 'i love him. this is my baby now.' 100% accurate.#also yuu continually referring to malleus as tsunotarou even to the senate = amazing. yuu really has NO self-preservation or awareness.#they fit right in with everyone else #<- see what did i tell you. huge rambling mess.#and i haven't even BEGUN to talk about MELEANOR -- (is dragged offstage by a hook)

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nipuni · 5 months

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The heart of the universe 💫

A speedpaint video of this will be available at my Patreon on december 1st!

#doctor who #dr who #DW #tenth doctor #david tennant #my art #okay maybe on december 2nd at this rate because I just came back home from a trip a few hours ago and I have a ton of work to get done stil #I also went straight to the doctor (the actual one) because of the swollen face and turns out they don't know what it is and I need a MRI #great wonderful fantastic I'm not scared at all I'm so brave about it.. anyway here is my comfort little man

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zephyrchama · 2 months

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Demon brothers who will go out of their comfort zone for you. Lucifer, who stands higher and prouder than anyone, kneeling to tie your shoe. To be on your level. You could have easily tied it yourself, but you didn't even have to ask. He only does these gestures for you.

Mammon, greedy to save up every last grimm he can, giving you money to buy the silly trinket you wanted. Your enjoyment is worth more to him than anything in his wallet.

Leviathan, who'd do anything to hide himself away and disconnect from other people, following you anywhere you want to go. He'll brave crowds, embarrassment, and the worst anxiety to be by your side.

Satan, on a never-ending quest for information and respect, teaching you anything. He'll share his knowledge only for you, telling you everything you want to know and finding the answer to all your questions.

Asmodeus, always perfect and pristine in every way, showing you his vulnerable side. The side no one else knows of. His tears and insecurities are visages reserved only for you.

Beelzebub, gluttonous for immediate satisfaction, holding himself back for your sake. Waiting to eat because he knows you'll be cooking for him. Waiting to savor it. Waiting so he can share with you and make your day just a little brighter.

Belphegor, a sloth with little intrinsic motivation, pushing himself for your sake. Staying up later and later to stay around you. Not just in a dream, but the real you. Doing better in school so that you and your praise can be his reward.

#i don't know man. the head has ideas but the content just won't type itself. i have a lot of wips and the words just aren't forming khjaetjh #and then i sit down and this unrelated nonsense falls out of my brain and onto the keyboard #obey me #obey me!#omswd #obey me lucifer #obey me headcanon #obey me leviathan #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me beelzebub #obey me x mc

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horsechestnut · 3 months

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I just think it's really neat how much fans have latched onto the fact that Stephanie Brown was Robin.

Like, both in and out of universe Stephanie was never meant to be taken seriously as Robin. The writers only made her Robin so that her death in War Games would be shocking and Bruce only made her Robin because he thought it would make Tim jealous enough to come back. She only had the mantle for 71 days before being fired (for doing something that literally every other Robin has also done and not been fired over), and she was only active during 50 of them. There are only six issues where Steph is Robin in the canon timeline.

Her final words before her death are asking Batman (Batman, because even on her death bed he doesn't trust her enough to take off his mask) if any of it was real. Was she really Robin? And Batman assures her that of course she was, that she was part of the legend and no one can take it away from her. Except it's a lie, because despite his reassurances, Batman never puts up a memorial or does anything to preserve her memory. He never really thinks of her as Robin, and even her friends will always think of her as Spoiler before ever remembering Robin.

Meanwhile DC spent years ignoring her time as Robin, to the point where it was completely erased from existence for awhile. It's technically back now, because timelines are weird, but unlike the others it's never been altered. She's never been given a second chance at it, no one's ever gone back and added more issues or details about those 71 days, or even seems to want to acknowledge them most of the time.

But fans have clung on to it anyway. Sure, there are lots of people who make Robin posts that are just about the boys, but there are just as many people who are ready to fight anyone who doesn't include her. Maybe it was only for a little while, but she was Robin, and we're sure as hell not going to forget it. If DC isn't going to bother to remember, than we will.

Stephanie Brown was Robin. She was part of the legend. It was real. No matter what, no one can take that away from her.

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tshortik · 8 months

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I love you messy artstyle i love you visible brush strokes I love you textures and rough edges I love you imperfections I love you roughness and colour blobs I love you scratchy sketches and bold stylisation and dirt and imperfections I love you ugly and raw emotion!!!!! ❤️

#i talk sometimes #art talk #i made a tweet like this on twatter ages ago but i've been feeling this a lot lately #also this is the start of me writing more on this blog and not only using it as art because who cares!! i don't!!#I wanna translate raw emotion into colors and shapes. I wanna know where to ignore all details and where to go ham you feel me?#i used to dream about developing a style like for MtG where it looked like a masterful oil painting that oozes realism and details #and i've realised the last two years or so that I would actually hate that for me. I know I wouldn't enjoy doing it. For myself.#it's that pipeline from wanting to be the perfect realistic wotc artist to accepting that I will never be that #instead i wanna learn how to stylise better and get a good brush economy going yknow. I wanna be bolder.#i doubt i'll ever be as incredible as all these MtG artists no matter what anyone says. but it's ok!! i don't have to be!!!#i just luv art man!!

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shmorp-mcdurgen · 3 months

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Hello Walten Files Fandom, long time no see

#the walten files #twf #twf spoilers #the FUCK do I tag this guy as he has the same name as the other Bon #I guess just.#TWF bon #eye contact tw #face horror #shmorps art #just kinda. putting this on the table then running back into my TMC fixation #I don't even really know how to react to that new episode man it was so. MUCH /LH #So much information to take in at once-

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inkskinned · 7 months

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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

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bogleech · 5 days

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Dunno if you know but there is a Yo-kai watch event in ff14 right now.

Oh my god.......they're alive. And HE'S there.

Do final fantasy players know what his deal is. Do they know he's a desperately lonely and always slightly horny middle aged alcoholic trapped in the body of an off-putting dog. Do they know how happy he'd have to be to be isekai'd into Final Fantasy and captured by a bunnygirl adventurer.

Do they know he's so hilariously unpleasant that humans see him as possibly just a normal dog and he still got put in human jail for making women uncomfortable

These aren't complaints, this is the funniest fucking character a collectible monster franchise has ever had. if you play this final fantasy please give him as good a home as you feel he deserves