#i just see a lot of bad portrayals and i want to help you guys know how to write it better.

[knockoff-conlon]

you know. i made a post about remus + his jewish characterization. now it's time for james and his adhd. everyone always talks about how james is so adhd, right, but i see a lot of truly awfully written adhd and as someone with adhd, it bugs the fuck out of me.

in fics, it's usually just written as "MY GOD, SPARKLY!" and yeah, sometimes it is that way in my brain. but that's not all adhd is. i never see adhd james written with the bad side of adhd.

1) sensory issues. this was the big one for me. i never see james with sensory issues. it's such a reality for adhd people tho. james who hates certain textures and gets unreasonably upset when he bites into a plum one day. he hates anything squeaky and nearly cries when remus' shoes squeak on the castle floors. he has huge issues with clothes textures and he literally shoves Sirius into a wall when he gets an unexpected hug and hates sirius' shirt material.

2) distracted and forgetful. you do see this with james but only as funny things and not things that seriously cause problems. james forgets things a lot- words and places and important dates. he forgot the word pen one day when trying to ask peter for one and he spent the whole rest of the day trying to think of it. he gets distracted by things and it upsets his friends sometimes. lily talking about her family issues and james finding sweets in his pocket that he forgot were there so he just starts talking about his sweets.

3) stims. i hadn't even realized i had them until my therapist pointed them out. james is HUGE on stimming. his most notable is bouncing. he bounces his leg when he's anxious or overstimulated. james bounces up and down when he's happy or worried. he loves bouncing. his hair ruffling thing is a perfect example of stimming. excited and happy, so he ruffles his hair. he wiggles/sways a lot too. his snitch, too, stimming constantly.

4) food. food. he loves specific foods and refuses to go outside of his designated safe foods. he has a specific love for sugar cookies and will eat them always. he always has them on his person. same with grapes, eggs, orange juice, noodle soup. those are his "safe" foods. notices slightest differences in foods. slightly burnt taste, unsalted food, too crispy/soft, stuff like that.

5) special interests. quidditch, number one. he loves quidditch so much and knows practically everything about the sport. he loves to talk about quidditch and gets really rambly when asked about it. and he gets upset when people interrupt his quidditch talk. loves music, too, and hyperfixates on musicians he likes- bowie, abba, queen, whitney houston. stuff like that. special interest in baking since he was young.

i could keep going. but there's so much more to adhd than just going "SHINY" and getting distracted. it's a real issue, it causes a lot of pain. it's not funny and it's not just go make james seem interesting. pretending james' adhd is a joke is harmful and people with adhd are actually affected by it.

however, i love helping people with characterizations and i love helping people in general. so if you wanna dm me to ask about adhd things, im happy to help!!

#i just see a lot of bad portrayals and i want to help you guys know how to write it better. #there's a lot more and for anyone who sees this and wants to add #please do #please reblog #this is important for fandom writers to know #hp marauders #hp fandom #marauders era #marauders #the marauders #james potter #james potter headcanon #although all adhd is different and it's important to know that it doesn't present the same way for everyone #i have adhd so i can give a little insight #james with adhd #adhd #adhd things

[currentfandomkick]

Fan concept to incorporate however you want:

In comics i’m pretty sure there’s a lazarus pit in the batcave, and others in gotham. A high concentration of lazarus water per square foot. Add to that gotham’s various contaminated waters from various toxins and gases on top of usual run offs, and there’s a high chance everyone in gotham is contaminated by all of this.

Add in the popular head cannons and partial fanon of lazarus water = (in some form) contaminated or corrupted watery ectoplasm.

And if we go ecto contaminated enough = liminal…

Then gotham city is full of liminals, the most notorious being a handful revenants with questionable cores (Solomon Grundy and Red Hood off the top of my head), with Damian’s Robin a liminal bordering on halfa if you go the ‘raised next to and put in the Pitts’ route.

Hell if you want, most of the Batfam can be partially ecto contaminated if not liminal (minus Duke, i feel like he’s the only starting to) but no one notices because its gradual and they assume its side effects from the 10,000 + polluntants in gotham.

You can have anyone from Amity Park enter Gotham and go ‘huh, edgy aesthetic Amity.’ Then go ‘oh, sick liminal… which dork back home knows how to fix this?’

If you want Tucker can be sending Sam updates on Gotham’s liminals (including Rogues) which Sam is helping the ecto terrorist (League of Assassins in a lot of older portrayals) and Danny vibing working for (DC bigshot or group of your choice) as an engineer who says he’s bad at coding when no one has broken his code yet as ‘its standard back home’ and baffles his employer

Dani can see Gotham and just. Vibe as a feral child who tries to help the other sick liminals with mixed results. I say let Harley snag her as her sidekick during her anti-villian days.

Jazz can be attending university and has to explain drinking filtered ecto to her dorm, only for a lot of them to start managing things better emotionally and combat wise, but now have the urge to Kick Ass as a way to Make Friends. Batfam investigate her a s a cult leader when really all she’s doing is using a clean ecto filter and teaching her classmates to do the same. Even teaches them how to make them thanks to Danny breaking down his rigs to her and leaving her repair instructions in case hers breaks early.

If you go baby Ghost King Danny, he can find out about Gotham and do a ‘oh, a fucked up version of Amity Park. Neat!’ see the Joker and go ‘Fuck this guy,’ and appear by pulling Joker into the ghost realm for his trial with a note that reads “sorry for missing another Liminal City. I’ll do better as king and handle those breaking Ghost Ettiquette myself. My bad. Still new to the ‘King of the Infinite Realms and all bonded to it. So liminals fall in, didn’t think there were more besides Amity. A branch of the Council of Observers will be sent to evaluate which liminals are sick, which are dealing with unsustainable or harmful obsessions, which liminals need relocation to handle their obsession in a better suited environment, and which ones are uneducated on liminal health.

Don’t worry, I stole some time to make sure i did all the paperwork before taking this guy. He’s the type of ecto entity who consumes attention, fear, and souls, which is Pretty Bad and that last one is an auto-execution. So i should manage the normal ‘visiting of the realms and introduction to’ spiel after we can make sure you won’t be in danger from ghosts that forget mortals dont shrug off being dropped off a few cliffs and having a two ton rock dropped on them. I may send some ambassadors from Amity to help you adjust since it was a pain for us too. Fyi if anyone tries summoning the Ghost King and expects Pariah, i win by conquest ten years ago and only JUST got to looking into liminal areas. With cheating by stealing time. If you have any questions, look up the Manson family, Amity Park, Ohio. Sam can explain better than me, and her parents somehow ended up on the mortal side counsel.

#dpxdc #long post #dp x dc #danny phantom #gotham is limina #liminal gotham #fic prompt

[aphverse-confessions]

hello hey, self-proclaimed favourite anon tossing my hat about Jesson. I wanna take a crack at how people talk about Jesson because it's infuriating to see people be total extreme polars between the two. People think Jessica is an irredeemable monster, or they think Jessica gets way too much flack from her audience without understanding/acknowledging the questionable stuff.

REALLY HUGE DISCLAIMER HERE!!! I don't want this to be condoning the idea that people should be held accountable for 5+ year old behaviour. People can and will absolutely change, we shouldn't deny that people can change for the better and learn from their mistakes. Jess herself is capable of growth: she changed Kawaii~Chan's name to an actual name, Nana Ashida, actually gave a backstory to Nana and completely dropped Nana's weebish way of addressing people and dropped Kawaii~Chan as a name entirely. Give people credit where credit's due, treat people with grace and empathy.This entire confession is just my personal reflection on the Jesson debacle, just sorting out my own feelings about the two and trying to find a middle ground between the two extremes of hating Jesson and defending Jesson.

Speaking generally and not just in regards to Aphblr, a lot of people seem to completely completely blame Jess for everything wrong with the series and. Like, I don't think thats fair at all to Jess because it was Jason also contributing and helping out with the stories. We don't know who did what and quite frankly Jason did had an influence on the writing on the series so people shouldn't just scapegoat Jess.

Jess had self inserts, Jess was cringe, Jess butchered the love triangle are criticisms I saw during Youtube, Wattpad, etc during Jesson's hayday and some of these criticism's still persist. Which like... guys, Jess being cringey and self inserting into her stories isn't the most pressing issue you think it is, I'd LOVE to make mad dough self inserting and roleplaying with a harem of hot bishonen boys. I'm gonna be blunt, a very fair share of criticism towards Jess was quite misogynistic and I'm not going to deny that. Back in 2016-2019 people were awful and bashed her for the aforementioned which... ew. Hell!!! I even see some of this misogyny to current day on Youtube!!! Which . Fucking Sucks.

If you're gonna give Jess flack, give Jason flack. If you're gonna call Jess cringe and dumb for self inserting onto a cute perfect anime girl with her boy harem, call Jason 2x amount of that cringe for self inserting onto an edgy werewolf alpha + getting jealous over minecraft cubes. It takes two to tango and Jason definitely had a hand with how the series were written.

Something honestly more important to mention that people cite Jesson's badly written stories as a moral failing instead of actually criticizing the contents within the stories when portraying certain topics*** (put a pin in this, we will come back to this class). Like, people were putting more effort in dragging Jess about the bad writing of MCD and MyStreet with the love triangle + Aarmau, than actual problems with the portrayal of sensitive issues such as racism.

However, in spite of my defense of Jess, I'm gonna be blunt. There were a lot of fucking problems here, Scoob!!! Like. Actual problems with both Jessica and Jason as people that people sometimes overlook due to the more pettier criticisms/complaints. Yes, Jess was a victim of Internet's misogyny and that's 100% valid to acknowledge that, however I feel it's a disservice to handwave and not acknowledge the actual problems Jess had. Jess being a victim of misogyny and Jess doing bad shit are two statements that can co-exist.

Jesson being pariah-ed out of their own fandom isn't exactly undeserved considering all of the legitimate issues there were with the duo (not just Jess herself). It's not a 'hate-train' to not like Jesson or to still be discomforted by their previous behaviour because yeah. It. Was bad. Because we do point-proof-analysis round these parts bitches™, I will provide proof where I can.

To list the issues with Jesson off of the top of my head in no specific order: - Jess absolutely fetishized mlm on multiple occasions. Admitting she's Septiplier trash and fetishizing two real men's friendship when Jess was a 23 year old woman: (https://tinyurl.com/aph-confess) / (https://tinyurl.com/aph-septi-vid-react) - Adding onto the previous point, Jason 'Fans-shipping-my-wife's-Self-Insert-with-other-fictional-men-is-'whoring'-her-out' Bravura even admitted Jess's queerbaiting (https://tinyurl.com/jason-admits-the-queerbaiting) - Jason Bravura as a whole person: from his extremely possessive attitude towards the fanbase when it came to ships (https://tinyurl.com/jason-temper-tantrum), from how he absolutely fought with his tweenage fanbase back in 2016-2018-ish, him being really aggressive online in general, him having a horrible influence on the writing - Apparently Jason was responsible for the Ein-Aphmau incest??? I have no source for this, but would not be shocked if this was the case. - *** Romanticizing grooming/creepy as fuck age-gaps thru Aarmau and Gene PDH. I blame Jason for him being an alleged freak (going off of Jess's Draw my Life). Throw the whole man into the rancor pit at this point - *** The horribly done racism subplots of MCD and MyStreet. Oh my fucking god. I already went into this on my initial confession with Kip and Zoey+Aph being racist to him, the cutesy microaggressions. I already discussed about it in depth, here's the link to read more about it -> (https://tinyurl.com/confession-about-racism)

Jess using mlm to queerbait fans and fetishizing two REAL people as a grown ass woman was shitty, Jason is an entire cesspool of a person and was shitty. The horrible, tone-deaf messaging and portrayal of racism being so prominent throughout MCD/MyStreet was shitty. These problems don't suddenly stop being issues just because people raising petty points about Jesson.

Like there were a ton of problems with Jesson as people/content creators, it's not fair to just dismiss all of the listed as totally petty fandom wank. I feel like in modern day, it's a fair compromise to celebrate the media that they made without falling into praising them as people just because they made a cool Thang™. We can enjoy the stories they made without having to totally enjoy the people behind them. With my previous confessions, it sparked some healthy discussion within Aphblr and I hope this confession will raise some healthy discussion about Jesson as a whole where people can find a middle ground between totally loving/hating Jesson. This was a wholeass essay, so here's a shrimp as a reward 🦐

.

#aphmau confessions #aphmau #aphblr #aphverse #I agree with this #the Jesson debacle is a complex issue that includes a lot of misogyny directed at Jess #whilst simultaneously ignoring Jess's actual problematic behavior #but I don't think enough ppl are going to thoroughly read through this ask #but it's long enough it gives the proper nuance to the issue that countless confessions have tried to articulate before #jesson tag

[eerna]

Omg the way Eloise is written as a feminist character BOTHERS me. I can’t always put my finger on why, but a thing that sticks out to me the most is how she just says the most blatantly basic (for us 21st century viewers) things and idk it’s supposed to seem revolutionary… but it’s never clever. And it is never deep.

Anyways I saw your tag on the Eloise/Cressida post and I was curious to hear any elaboration of your thoughts on her feminist portrayal? (But no pressure!)

YEEAAAH EXACTLY! I have the same issue, Eloise just says 21st century equality stuff without ever having read a single feminist pamphlet (this is canon, she doesn't start reading them or attending discussions until she's 18). Somehow she developed a perfectly uniform idea of modern womanhood when she was isolated and raised to be a traditional lady. Her opinions should be WAY more half baked and full of holes because this life is the only one she'd ever known. That's not even mentioning the inability to discuss feminism without discussing class, something Eloise has No Idea About.

Then comes the issue of writing. This is a stupid show. No one looks smart on this show. So when Eloise drops a "smart comment", it is cringe and dumb. She is supposed to be eloquent and witty, but most of the time she looks like a mean snob belittling everyone around her.

Another issue is that everyone else around her is a horrible sexist caricature. Yes, she is snobby, but my god every other woman only cares about men and marriage and gossip so I can't even blame her all that much for it. Her friends don't really care about what she has to say and will always leave her to go chase a man. And even SHE starts fitting the description the moment she falls for a guy - she lies to her friend and puts everyone in danger, and 90% of the reason is a man with only 10% being her self actualization. You can't write a proper feminist if everyone in your story has the same goal, which is to find a husband. It doesn't help that we know Eloise is headed for marriage and babies because every time a character expresses they don't want one or both of those things, they are proven wrong by the narrative.

And finally, my last thing making Eloise a bad feminist character, is that she is SO PASSIVE. Sure, it might be the point of the show as Pen calls her out for it, but we still don't know if they are gonna fix it so I am putting it here anyway. She only talks and complains about her lot in life, but never acts against society. I was happy when she started sneaking out and hang out with The Working Class Feminists TM, but that turned out to be a short failed romance subplot instead of a character moment and she gave up on it almost right away, so it doesn't count. And now in s3 she decided to embrace society and its expectations, so I am not sure we will ever get to see that kind of rebellion again - I sure hope so! But idk.

As a "well written Eloise" character, I'd like to suggest Felicity Montague. She is a character from a 18th century romcom, a noble lady, aroace and trying to go to med school when her gender prevents her from getting an education. She doesn't use her screentime for long-winded monologues about the unfairness of the world, she ACTS on her thoughts and opinions so we know what they are. She switches covers of romance books and textbooks so she can study without being bothered, she runs away from home to try make her dreams come true, she finds alternative solutions. Her thoughts are never lauded as One Truth, in fact she is often called out for the blind spots in her opinions since she too grew up a sheltered noble and can't account for all experiences. She is surrounded by women who challenge her ideas and make her into a better friend and person. AND she is funny and reading her is just plain fun. You CAN do a feminist who doesn't belong in her era, you just have to be careful to also make her a good character.

#eernask #eernanon #eernask talk bridgerton

[izzyliker]

like the issue with this fundamentally to me is that izzy didn’t have to die - not a bad death, not a better written death, no death at all was necessary. we don’t have to argue whether the scene we got was good for a death scene because i don’t want a better scene, i want him to… not die. like i don’t think it makes any sense. if they wanted to kill izzy they shouldn’t have dedicated the entire b plot of the whole season to him Healing and Finding Community and should’ve instead made him Worse because as it stands it reads as him finding love and belonging and being happy and STILL dying as what is essentially a punishment for not having found it sooner, because jenkins wanted to see the range of con’s acting re making izzy universally liked instead of thinking of the damn story. the guy who’s been talking abt the main chs being unkillable killing the guy who’s been getting disproportionate screentime compared to s1 in a way that is comparable to the jimolu arc of s1 is a stupid choice. like goddamn buttons turns into a bird so the actor can exit the show. izzy dies to… support nonexistent growth that he already was supporting, because he had already been written that way for the past three or so episodes. like there is no further antagonism from izzy towards ed or stede or edstede or ed retiring or stede being a captain or WHATEVER. he’s already been made a part of the crew. like it makes about as much sense as a writing choice as them killing off jim so olu can go hang out with zheng. like yes i’m mad bc that’s my special beast but it also has a lot of very fucking questionable implications regarding the portrayal of disability and is just fucking stupid, and if y’all are trying to pretend that you wouldn’t have been upset as hell if they’d killed off jim or olu or mary in this manner in s1 to “help” stedes growth bc their arc was Finished you’re Full of shit

#best wishes gargoyle king

[kobitoshiningneedle]

@nyxinterstellar

The beast... That is narumitsu.

I remember having an entire Narumitsu craze after finishing the trilogy (specifically after Farewell). Now, I admit, I like it less, and even if you scroll my blog you will probably see that I'm a huge Feenris proponent, I want to say that I still respect the sheer impact of Wrightworth and its contribution not only to the fandom we know today, but to the entire anime-adjacent culture as well.

Again, a lot of probably was said about the ship, their dynamic, their chemistry, the way it gets misinterpreted, amd whatnot. So I just stop here to say some of my scattered thoughts

I like my narumitsu with some rough edges. Soft domestic daughter-raising fluff is fine, of course, and both Phoenix and Miles do deserve happiness and Trucy two parents who would truly care abiut her, but angst, exploration of hardships are more appealing to me. Both for Phoenix who chased his friend he no longer knew and seeing what the years of absence made to him, and for Edgeworth opening up and recontextualizing his friendship through his insecurities.

So yeah, I like the trilogy nrmt much more than their post-aj dynamic. DD/SoJ honestly feel like your ususal bumbling idiot/tsundere asshole type of interactions. Honestly, I don't like almost all of post-trilogy portrayals of the OT characters, so it can be the reason of my disinterest for this domestic flavor of the ship.

Ships don't have to rely on canon or be canon-adjacent to be interesting, but I can't help but think that Edgeworth having a severe crush on Phoenix is true. Seeing people pointing at Edgeworth being a hopeless romantic, looking at stars and thinking of Wright's eyes gets me fiercely nodding my head in agreement. Dat true, Miles, you're so down bad for your friend. Get a grip my guy

About whether Phoenix reciprocates his feelings.... That's a much harder question for me. Yeah, there's a lot of tells, but in the trilogy it felt like just a part of his characterization of "having a heart for everyone", and in other canon and canon-adjacent materials (manga/anime/interviews) it feels too much like a clumsy fanservise, and not really genuine at that, so sorry not sorry - it's hard to take it seriously for me

That said! Before you jump at me I want to say this is not that I insist that Phoenix sees Miles only as a friend - only that there are many possibilities to think about how Phoenix will come to see Edgeworth as someone he's in love with. Phoenix as a character is a tough nut to crack, even more so given his different appearances in the games, but it's fun, I think. For instance, the 7yg fics doing just that is a nice and organic solution I can get behind to.

So - yeah, while I'm sorta moved on for Narumitsu, I still continue to appreciate it, not only intellectually. I may have strange opinions about specific and unobvious aspects of it, but it's still fun!

#ace attorney #narumitsu #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #meta #shiproblems

[v-67]

Finally watched part two of the Thousand year blood war arc : The separation

I'd been procrastinating w it because I wanted to watch it after it was fully released, the part two, but then I waited too long and yeah, i waited too long

And I finally watched it today

I had to watch the part one again because I didn't wanna play the guessing game about what's happening/etc, So I watched the whole thing again :3

....

The separation really separated us from Ichigo in this arc, didn't really get to see much of him.

But the battles, the soundtrack, the techniques, THE STORY, THE CONNECTION, THE ANIMATION, IT'S SO GOOOOD.

The mystery deepens about the connection between Yhwach and the soul King's relation.

Also the fight between the Squad zero and Yhwach and his sternritters, and Uryu (don't wanna count him w them tbh), THE FIGHT IS SO CRAZY GOOD🥹🥹🥹

Idk what Uryu is thinking but I sense a lot of plot twists in the future.

I swear I love watching Bleach. I can't wait for the next season to be released. And when it starts releasing, I'll have to wait again because I don't wanna watch episodes weekly(breaks down the rush I feel slightly)🥲

But seriously. The way it takes us on this unpredictable journey, it's crazy good.

The powers, the techniques, the portrayal of those techniques. Everything is so beautifully accurate, and so perfectly portrayed. LOVE it.

Also the BANKAI and the additional zones to them are 🤌🤌🤌🤌

Also also, I'm not okay with something happening to Hitsugaya🥲, Matsumoto, the musician guy (V cool Bankai), and Muguruma, I hope Kurotsuchi somehow heals them because in no way I'm ready for them to die.

Also it was so nice to see Urahara and Yoruichi🥹❤️ (I mean I know Urahara is there in every arc, and is a very crucial character, but it's just, I'm watching it after so long and it's so nice to see all of them, plus I didn't see Yoruichi throughout and she finally comes in the later episodes) and also Ukitake (I'm confused about the eye thing though, i don't remember that) (no one tell me, I'll figure out)

Also special mention to : Byakuya (loved the way he interacts with Rukia in the latest arc, love his Bankai), Rukia (she's so beautiful in that Bankai but that Bankai is dangerous fr), Renji (NICE, also when he gets complimented by that Sternritter about his pointy eyebrows and that he might have good taste, funny lol), Madarame, Ayasegawa (he got called fugly by that guy he killed in the ig and how he loses his temper again😭😭), Hirako (HIS BANKAI SO COOL, Ep 3), Kyoraku (I missed him), Zaraki( AHHHH I LOVE THIS GUY, his fight with the imagination guy was sooooo Cool), Akon (doing god's work in the tough times lol), Hisagi (the 69 guy, why they portray him so weak idk), Sajin(felt bad for him fr, but the Bankai was noiceeeee), Kon (for giving us those random snippets in the end, where they had to get undressed and Rukia can't help but get worried about Byakuya having to go through the same embarassment, cute lol, you know this means that Ichigo went through that too)

Also side note but I really like Nimaiya. He's so cool and unhinged and random. Is nice.

The only question I have honestly is why'd they dress up Orihime like this, like, it's just, weird. No hate, but what is this😭😭😭

Also, snippets of Ichigo because I've missed him soooooo much.

Ichigo blushing🤌☀️

#writeblr #tumblr #random #anime #writeup #anime episodes #anime recommendation #bleach #bleach thousand year blood war #bleach tybw #bleach toshiro #bleach ichigo #ichigo kurosaki #ichigo #kurosaki ichigo #orihime inoue #inoue orihime #uryu ishida #ishida uryuu #bleach yoruichi #kisuke urahara #bleach urahara #urahara kisuke #squad zero #oetsu nimaiya #genryusai shigekuni yamamoto #toshiro hitsugaya #yhwach #sternritter #soul society

[thesupreme316]

Had It Coming Part 4!?!?!?!!

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING SO HERE IT IS

Had It Coming Part 4 (Christian Cage x Female Reader/Hook's Sister/Jack Perry's Ex):

Summary: It seems that you and Christian are going strong. But how does that sit with your ex-boyfriend, Jack Perry?

Word Count: 2.3K (Please accept as an apology for being so late)

Supreme Speaks: thank you guys so much for supporting this series and showing it love. it really means a lot to me. okay, I ain't gonna waste your time any longer. Here is the anticipated part four of this series (it has a dark portrayal of Jack, you don't have to read if you're uncomfortable). Please remember that you are loved and appreciated.

Warnings: DARK PORTRAYAL OF JACK (tw: obsessive, stalking, in the denial stage, borderline yandere vibes tbh), suggestive mentions, explicit language, proofread to the best of my abilities

Taglist: @hooks-martin @sheinthatfandom @triscillal @cassie0sstuff @hookerforhook @batzy-watzy @wwenhlimagines

It’s been 33 days since he saw you walk away from him with his former mentor and best friend.

And Jack is going crazy.

He legitimately lost it.

Everyone can see it on his face. But they can’t help him…they can only watch as he unravels and continues to ruin his own life. After seeing you run off in the sunset with Christian, Jack became uncharacteristically silent. He wouldn’t even talk to Anna, and when he did, it was screaming and placing blame on her. Anna, who truly wanted to help him, was broken up with before she could even do so. You found that out in the locker room as she was crying to Tay Melo, a sight that was so bittersweet for you to watch.

Jack would walk around the halls, bags under his eyes, genuine stress marrying his facial features, wearing all-black clothes, hair matted, and not utter a single word to anyone. It got so bad that Tony wouldn’t even put him on the screen. He would spend his evenings in the arenas sitting in a corner on top of boxes, just looking over your contact. His thumb would caress your face through the phone screen as his eyes lingered on the contact name “Sunshine.” He tried texting you, asking for you to come back. You never answered. For some reason, he thought changing your name and breaking up with Anna would be enough for you to come back.

It wasn’t.

But even though you didn’t come near him, two people would come near him, offering friendship and shoulders to lean on: Austin and Colton Gunn. They would try their best to get Jack chatting with them as they filled his ears with loud jokes, obnoxious laughter, and weird banter. Although he never cracked a smile, the Gunns were resilient and still provided him with company.

“Hey, Jackie-boy,” Austin said cheerfully, walking up to the sulking wrestler, who would mumble a response. “How ya doing?”

“Man you should have been at the party last night,” Colton said bumping his shoulder. “You could use a night out. There was this insanely cute girl that is exactly your type-” Jack shook his head. Colton looked at his brother before nodding to Jack.

Austin sighed, “Look man, we get it that it’s been a rough month and a half. You lost your best friend, other best friend, title, and girlfriend-“

“I didn’t lose Y/N.” Jack snapped, looking up at the brothers.

Colton and Austin quickly side-eyed each other before Austin continued, “I was talking about Anna…but bro and I mean this respectfully, Y/N left you a while ago.”

“Anna and I were never together. She doesn’t matter to me. Y/N didn’t leave me. We are just going through a rough patch right now.” Jack said while running his fingers through his hair. “It’s not my fault.”

“We’re not saying that it is. We’re just trying to say that maybe there is no future where you and Y/N are together. You need to accept it.”

“No, I’m not going to accept it because it’s not true!” He shouted, startling the Gunns, with Colton hugging Austin in fear. Jack lowered his voice as he continued to talk, “It’s not my fault. It’s not her fault. It’s Christian’s fault.” He whispered to himself. “I didn’t lose my beautiful, innocent, and sweet girlfriend to Christian. That could never happen. He took her from me! Just like how he took my best friend and credit for my career. He just takes everything from me.”

Colton said taking a step forward, “Jack-“

Jack stood up from the boxes, looking into Colton’s eyes with anger, determination, and bitterness, “He filled her head with these images that I’m not the one for her. That he’s better than me. He basically kidnapped her, come to think about it. Yeah…he kidnapped my precious Y/N and started feeding these lies to her. And to make matters worse, Anna came back into the picture and distracted me from realizing it. That’s what happened.” He poked Colton’s chest as he finished his statement, “And I fully intend to get her back.” He swiftly walked away from the brothers as they stared in disbelief.

Austin looked up at Colton, “He is not okay. Where do you think he’s going?”

“It’s 9:00, he's off to do his favorite activity.”

That consisted of Jack watching you from afar when you were by yourself or with your girlfriends; curious if you missed him, if you cried over him, if you were dying to run back to him for safety, comfort, and love.

The answer was no. None of the above.

But the second he saw you with Christian, his stomach would turn and he would run away, not wanting to see the bitter and disgusting man with the love of his life. Jack is miserable, but you? Oh girl, you are thriving right now.

It seemed the longer you and Christian dated, the bigger the smile on your face would get. As Christian stated, if you wanted something, all you had to do was ask. And he has continued to keep that promise. Nowadays, all you have to do is look at him as it seems that he can read your mind. The newest Louboutin heels? He bought them in 5 different colors. You feeling stressed and want to escape? He booked a yacht. You want to ride something while on the yacht? He’s already underneath you, allowing you to take control.

He was a gentleman to you; dropping everything just to assist you, even for a second. You didn’t have to worry about doing a single thing. As long as Christian is beside you, you are sure to be treated like the Princess you are. Hell, he even changed your stance in wrestling. As you were no longer bound by Jack, you took the necessary steps to reconcile with your brother, Tyler (Hook).

As Christian filled your life with love, positivity, and care, you realized that the FTW championship wasn’t something you wanted. So after a couple of defenses, you relinquished it, crowned Tyler the official champion, and started to manage Christian full-time.

But this wasn’t a parasitic relationship where you got all the benefits. Oh no. Christian loved being around you. It just felt right having you near him, with a hand lingering around your waist. Not only did you feed every single one of his sexual and physical needs, you also met and exceeded his emotional needs. You made him feel heard and seen. You see him in a different light than everyone else. He is letting his humane side be seen more now that you are always with him. Because to you, he is more than your lover, he is your protector and motivation.

He is also a great man of taste…

“Willow, he is so sweet! Just yesterday, he drove 45 minutes to sleep beside me because I couldn’t fall asleep. And then, he brought a chef to cook my favorite breakfast!” You yelled out to your best friend while getting dressed for Dynamite.

“That’s great Y/N, I’m so happy to see you smiling again. I haven’t seen you this happy in a while.” Willow said with a grin on her face. To everyone, your relationship with Christian was no more than a typical “sugar baby” transaction. But it was nothing like that, and Willow saw that.

You stepped out in your new dress that complimented your skin tone beautifully. “I know, he truly makes me happy.” As you were about to speak again, there was a knock at the door. You squealed, running to open it and seeing a medium-sized bouquet of white roses. You thanked the man before closing the door. “He always sends me flowers every Wednesday.” You said as you put the vase down. Willow got up and examined them. “But he never gets me white; they’re either red, pink, or orange.”

“Maybe he’s full of surprises,” Willow said as she got closer to the vase. There was another knock at the door, you went to answer it as Willow started to speak again. “Y/N, there is-“ She was cut off by your sequel again. She looked back at you to see you give Christian a soft kiss.

“Hi Princess, how are you?” Christian said hugging you with one arm, the other was behind his back. He twirled you around, “You look gorgeous.”

“Thank you, baby.” You said, placing a kiss on his cheek. Christian greeted Willow while still trying to hide his arm behind his back. “What are you hiding?”

“Well, it is Wednesday and you know I give you flowers-“

You smiled as you cut him off, “Baby, I already got the flowers you sent me. They are beautiful.”

Christian’s face screwed up in confusion, “What are you talking about?” He moved his arm from behind his back to reveal a much larger bouquet of red roses. “The flowers I got you are right here, I wanted to personally deliver them myself today.”

The color drained from your face as you took your boyfriend’s flowers and looked behind you. Willow held the roses in one hand and a paper in the other, as she read the note, the color drained from her face as well. “You need to read this.” She gave you the note. It would have been a very sweet and flattering one….if it was sent from your boyfriend. 


Your laughter, a melody, a joyful song, In my embrace, is where you belong. Each moment with you, a cherished delight, You're my sunshine, my morning light. Love J

Your heart started racing as Christian ripped the note, took the flowers from Willow, and them in the trash. “He’s a piece of shit. That bastard.” He looked at you, who was in shock and disgust. He hugged you tightly, avoiding the roses he got you. “He just needs to leave you alone.”

“Yeah, I’m going to make sure of it.” You said before gently placing the red roses down on the table, taking over from where those distracting and bitter white roses once were.


“No, you will not. You let me handle it, I don’t him anywhere near you. He put you through shit before and I’m not letting that happen.” Christian said getting angrier by the minute, obviously not at you. “I’m going to get Luchasuarus to accompany you tonight. My woman will not go anywhere near him.” He said sternly.

Did you listen? No. Of course not. You left way before Luchasaurus got to your locker room door.

Your heels clicked along the halls as you were trying to find your ex-boyfriend. Anger was pounding through your blood as you carefully looked for him. You were about to turn to go down another hallway until you saw his matted hair in a bun. You stormed towards him, calling out his name. Jack turned around and immediately lit up at your figure getting closer, even though your facial expression was anything but happy.

"Y/N-"

You cut him off by sharply slapping him. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" You angrily asked him, not giving him a moment to register anything.

"Sunshine-" He sweetly started to say

"How dare you send me flowers and address me like that? We are not together. That was clear when you cheated on me with Anna"

Jack's face became angry as he spat out, "Don't talk like that. Anna means nothing to me. You love me and I love you. That backstabbing, lunatic, bastard is messing with your mind. Sunshine, just come back with me. Stop this little game of yours, you're letting him get the best of you."

"Jack, stop. I am with Christian; he treats me with love and respect. He actually cares about me and my feelings and treats me like royalty. Much better than the low-down and disgusting ways that you have shown. The only lunatic around here is you. You don't care about me."

"Don't say that!" He yelled, grabbing your arm harshly, "I love you Y/N! He's not the one! I am! Just come back with me and everything will be fine!"

You were struggling to pull your arm away from the man you once loved. Then a voice shouted down the hall, making Jack take his hand off of you. You turned around to find your boyfriend and your supposed bodyguard. Christian gently placed you behind him. "I'll talk to you later about this." He quietly said to you before turning his attention to Jack. "Listen, you have one more time to pull some shit like this-"

"Shut up! This is between me and my girlfriend-"

"MY girlfriend, MY woman, your ex. You have no reason to talk to her anymore. I'll be damned if you try to come between us or weasel your way back into her life." Christian stepped closer to Jack, looking down at him. "Leave her the fuck alone, little boy. Or the next main event for you will be your funeral."

Jack rolled his eyes as Christian grabbed your hand and kissed it before leading you and Luchasaurus down the hallway, away from your ex. You quickly looked back with bitterness and a glare as you turned the corner. But to Jack, that was a look of hope and desperation.

Desperation to get away from Christian, the man who drove you two apart. But also he could have sworn that your eyes were delivering him a message, a message of love and secrecy that was directly for him. "I'm going to save you from this Y/N. You don't have to pretend to have feelings for him much longer. I see your plan, and I understand it. It's genius. As those white roses signify, it will be a new beginning for us. And then, when it's all said and done, Christian will finally see who the real man is."

And according to Jack,

Christian had it coming…

And he only had himself to blame.

#aew #all elite wrestling #aew imagine #all elite wrestling imagines #aew hook imagine #aew hook #christian cage #aew christian cage #christian cage imagine #christian cage x reader #christian cage smut #aew jack perry #jungle boy #jungle boy jack perry #jungle boy imagine #supremequeen #aew imagines #aew smut #jungle boy x reader #jack perry x reader #jack perry imagine

[fanficsforheartandsoul]

Maniac | König x M!Reader | Part I

Note: I had a dream about this after a talk with an AI and just had to write it down. I managed to survive my first exam so take this as a treat, I split it into two parts because it’s 9k Yes, instead of studying for my next exams I wrote this. Also, I can’t fucking write fight scenes what the hell like people get thrown around in this story like they weigh nothing, I’m sorry lmao. Also, this is not corrected and I feel like it’s all over the place but oh well. I suck at code names. Translation of the few words in different languages are at the bottom.

Fandom: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II (2022)

Warnings: Swearing, Fighting, Knives, Mentions of Homophobia, Unrealistic depiction of KorTac, the Military in general and uhh hand to hand combat?, Injuries, Angst, Slight NSFW, Slight OOC, Reader got a blood kink oopsie, König as well?? Unrealistic portrayal of lots of things

Summary: König’s relationship with KorTac’s local psychopath is something he himself doesn’t really understand. But when an incident happens and a picture of the two is circling around the army base they’re currently staying at, they finally address what is going on between them...

Word Count: 4,39k

Taglist: -

If you want to be tagged in my stories send me a pm with the fandom/character name! Or comment on the fic :)

Masterlist

Part II

Listen... 

He’s a soldier. He dealt with some shit. Trauma and other stuff, you name it. But this actually helps him, at least usually. He’s observant and quickly sees through people’s intentions because he’s always watching. 

But there’s just this one guy. This one man in KorTac who throws him off his game. Sergeant Y/N L/N.

When König first met him, Horangi pointed him out with an “Uh oh, he is here. I’m gonna go on the toilet real quick-” and poof, he left him alone in the cafeteria, completely flabbergasted. 

The man Horangi had meant was standing before Conor, holding a strange combat knife as if he was about to attack the Irishman. 

König had never seen him before but the KorTac logo on his black shirt implied that he was one of them.

“Come on, Conny, it’s been so long”, the soldier goaded while smiling.

To König that expression had been unsettling.

But it wasn’t just that, it was his whole appearance. The all-black attire is in contrast with the landscape of pale scars on the man’s arms and his face and the dark circles under his e/c eyes. And the posture seemed casual and relaxed but König’s fighter instinct told otherwise.

If the Austrian came across him in an abandoned alley, he would be on high alert. 

Even during that moment, witnessing whatever the hell was going on between him and Conor, König’s body had tensed. And the other people in the cafeteria seemed to share his discomfort based on the murmurs going around and all the eyes on the two of them.

Additionally, König knew that Declan had a past reputation for physical altercations, and based on the growing vein on his forehead, it was likely that a fight would break out if no one stopped the KorTac operator.

He didn’t understand what the guy tried to achieve. Was he provoking Conor on purpose? To fight in the middle of the mess hall??

The look in the man’s eyes and the sharp blade in his hand weren’t implying some friendly sparring though...

Thankfully, Stiletto who had been watching with Calisto walked up to them before anything could happen. The badass she was, she grabbed the soldier by the biceps without any hesitation, diverting his focus. 

“Atom, Majka will be on your ass again if you cause another disturbance so soon after your return”, she warned him, her voice sharp. 

The man looked at her hand on his arm, then at her eyes. She didn’t let go.

For a second, König expected Atom to lash out but to his relief, he just held up both of his hands in defeat. He even smiled apologetically.

“You’re right, we can’t have that. Sorry, sorry. My bad, Conor.”

The Irishman showed him the middle finger. 

“Please eat shit and die, Y/N.”

“Awe, come on man. Don’t be so hard on me, I just missed our little fights. It was always so entertaining, even though you lost all the time!” 

“You can spar in the gym during PT, not here. Put that damn knife away, putain” Calisto interceded before Conor could explode. 

Y/N huffed and Salvatrice let go of his arm. He was about to sheathe his knife when his eyes landed on König and they made eye contact.

Something sparked in the e/c eyes and uh oh was all the Austrian could think before the h/c haired man walked over to him, his combat knife still in his hand, smiling widely.

“Who do we have here... Are you new? I’ve never seen you before!” Atom exclaimed, a glint of something in his eyes that König couldn’t quite name. 

The fact that the operator stopped barely a few inches away from him made him feel slightly uncomfortable. Those eyes bore into him and although the man was a head and a half smaller than him, König felt somewhat intimidated.

“Why are you wearing a shirt on your head?”

“I’m-” he began, taking a step back to gain some distance but Y/N followed him until a hand suddenly blocked him off. Horangi had returned.

“He’s König, our new addition to Strazar-1. Atom, can you just let us eat dinner? We’re starving.”

“I’m Sergeant Y/N L/N, but you can call me Atom. König means king in German right?” 

Y/N completely ignored the Korean, still holding eye contact with the tall Austrian. He just nodded. 

At this point, there were many eyes on him and he still was a little jittery because they arrived at the base only a few days ago and the local soldiers stared whenever they saw his height and his mask. It made his social anxiety flare up.

“I’m really fucking hungry, man”, Horangi said again, this time stepping in front of König who backed up, thankful to gain some distance. 

“Then go eat. I want to talk to our friendly giant here.”

Atom’s tone was almost aggressive now. He twirled the knife in his hand, a small smile on his lips as he stared down at Horangi. It didn’t reach his eyes though, they were cold. Fuck off, his expression said.

“I’m actually hungry too”, König says, not wanting to continue this very uncomfortable conversation with this weird guy. Der hat eine an der Waffel, dem geh ich besser aus dem Weg he thought.

“Oh, we can eat together then!”

Y/N was about to turn around and walk to grab a tray when they heard their team leader shout: “Atom, get your ass in my office now!” 

The sergeant swiveled around, saluting Majka who appeared out of nowhere at the mess hall entrance with crossed arms in front of his chest. 

“Jebote, put that fucking knife away and follow me.” 

Majka turned to leave and the soldier clicked his tongue in annoyance but he did as ordered and followed him without dilly-dallying.

König could hear the RS team leader growl You really need to stop swinging that around like it’s your dick when they both left the cafeteria and walked down the hallway.

Horangi turned to him, taking his sunglasses off and massaging his forehead.

“I should’ve known. You’re too tall for your own good, man. He’ll be after you.”

König stared down at him with a frown, not that his friend could see.

“What do you mean??”

Stiletto and Calisto joined them, the two women looking at him with a resemblance of pity. 

“That mec is crazy, König.”

The Italian woman nodded. “It was so peaceful when he was away”, she sighed.

Horangi added: “Yeah. I hope the higher-ups put his ass on another secret mission soon, I don’t want to watch my back 24/7 again.”

König stared at them slowly understanding that Atom seemed to have a pretty bad reputation. But was that really deserved? 

Calisto patted his arm. “Make sure to carry a tactical knife with you wherever you go.” Her tone was dead serious. 

He looked at her and then at the other two. They nodded.

“Are you saying he’ll try to hurt me?”, he asked, his expression a mix of surprise and worry. 

He wasn’t quite sure whether he should believe them. After all, Y/N was in KorTac just like them. They wouldn’t just let a crazy guy work in a PMC right? 

“He won’t kill you”, Stiletto said, turning around to go grab a tray to eat, “but if you don’t watch yourself he might poke you a bit with his Atom Splitter.” 

He tilted his head confused.

“His knife”, Horangi helpfully provided, as they followed Stiletto’s lead, each grabbing a tray and some cutlery to get some food.

“You’re messing with me, aren’t you?” he asked. They loved to play pranks on him.

“You’ll see, big boy.”

And oh, he really did.

-

At first, it was unnerving. Getting jumped whenever he wasn’t looking. He blinked once and before him suddenly stood a grinning Atom, his curved combat knife in hand, ready to strike. 

After the first time getting caught without a weapon and being slammed to the ground, blade held against his throat - Atom’s face with that unsettling grin barely a few inches away from him - he followed Calisto’s advice and brought a knife with him wherever he went. 

Not that he used it to injure the other operator. 

Atom hadn’t really hurt him either in all the fights they had, at least not with the knife. They threw some punches and did some tackling and throws but they never drew blood. This was one of the reasons why König eventually got used to the fighting, even if they always ended with the sharp metal against his throat and he was sore for days after it.

In the beginning, he was anxious that the guy would switch up and one day just drag the blade across his jugular but he never did. Not once did he slice König’s skin, not even by accident. 

Atom’s control over his knife was something he had never seen before. 

His fighting skills were on another level and although the Austrian considered himself an expert in hand-to-hand combat, he knew that he could learn a lot from the sergeant and their fights. When he realized this, his opinion about the attacks turned from unsettling fights into sparring.

Atom actually called it training and König began to agree. 

Even though the h/c haired man attacked him with true killing intent every time. But maybe that was what actually helped him.

It kept him on his toes, his senses sharp. 

And yeah it was a little weird that Y/N targeted him at all times of the day - he had literally attacked him in his sleep once on a mission - and that he always had a wide-eyed grin on his lips when they fought but hey, it drastically improved König’s skills and instincts. 

And after some time he began to even enjoy their little dances. Severely actually. Especially after he won for the first time. 

That moment when their positions had reversed - König’s blade to Atom’s throat for once, his knee digging into his chest to keep him on the ground - he felt an adrenaline rush he never experienced before and it left him feeling what he could only call giddy. 

It was 5am, most of the base was still fairly quiet and Y/N had surprised him in the gym room right when König wanted to go and change his clothes for a morning session.

The sergeant didn’t say anything, just swung his knife and König reacted in the nick of time, having felt something was off. He grabbed his combat knife and they exchanged blows and when Atom extended his arm a bit too far for once, the Austrian took the chance and grabbed him, twisting his body to throw him over his shoulder.

In an instant, he was on top of him, holding a dazed Y/N down with one hand, pressing the blade against his Adam’s apple with the other.

“You got me”, Atom grunted, panting slightly from the exertion of their exchange, his pupils blown wide and once again that familiar grin on his lips. And König returned it under his mask.

“Fuck yeah, I got you”, he said still catching his breath, emphasising a bit of pressure on the blade, not enough to cut the sergeant’s skin but enough for him to feel it.

“That’s 22 to one. Still got a lot to learn, big boy.” 

König rolled his eyes and sheathed his knife. He held his hand out for Atom to take and to his surprise, the h/c haired man actually did. He stood up with his help but without letting himself be pulled. 

“Well, you better be prepared.”

Y/N snorted, something flitted across his face. His smile widened even more.

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see.” 

He picked up his Atom Splitter where he had dropped it and then turned to walk out of the room, whistling a tune. And so he was off to god knows where, like always.

The Austrian watched him disappear through the doorway and a breathy laugh escaped him. He shook his head somehow amused. How the hell did I reach this point? 

It was so strange to feel enjoyment after another of their exhausting fights. But he truly did enjoy it. The sweet taste of victory.

For a moment he let their sparring replay in his head. He was unsure whether it was just luck or if he actually overpowered Atom. His thoughts returned to the man lying under him, grinning, the e/c of his eyes almost impossible to see with his blown pupils. 

Something stirred in his chest.

He breathed out loudly and then went to go shower, trying to get that image out of his head.

-

A few months pass and one day when König has just returned after an operation in Al Mazrah, he’s on his way to the barracks after showering when he meets Horangi, Zeus, and Conor, the latter clearly agitated. 

“I hope he takes a fuckin dirt nap on his next op!”

“Relax, Declan, it looked like he was actually trying to help this time”, Zeus said, handing the Irishman a cool pack. The redhead put it on his nose which looked swollen. 

“Help?! The fecker can’t even-” Horangi interrupted Conor’s tirade with a “König, hey! You’re back!” 

He greeted them with a wave. “What happened?”, he asked motioning at Declan, pressing the cool pack against his face. 

“That nut job Atom-” he begins but Horangi interrupts him once more: 

“The marines are causing some trouble. Apparently, we’re overstaying our welcome, there’s a lot of tension, and Majka and Ridgeback are discussing things with the higher-ups for us to move to another base. Atom... isn’t really helping with the tension...”

“The cunt pulled his knife on one of their new captains!”

“He probably missed you”, Zeus jokingly adds, addressing the fact that the KorTac operator with his madman reputation hasn’t targeted anyone else but König since they started sparring together. 

The Austrian snorts, the thought would’ve never crossed his mind. 

But a few hours later after he parted ways with the three, the door to the room he shares with the other male KorTac operators gets thrown open with a loud bang and lo and behold; Y/N stands in the doorframe, in his hand his trusty Atom Splitter.

His heartbeat immediately picks up in anticipation.

The sergeant looks somewhat different. The dark circles under his eyes appear to be even darker than usual and he even has some stubble as if he hasn’t shaved in a few days.

Atom’s expression is unreadable until his eyes find König, sitting on his bunkbed at the far end of the room. 

“There you are!” he says joyfully and rushes over, reaching him with just a few strides. 

He stops, looming over König who’s still sitting on the bed. Their legs touch, he’s standing so close. König puts the book in his hands away, trying to appear casual and he looks up to him.

“Atom.”

“König.”

For a minute they just stare into each other’s eyes. The silence feels awkward, something is simmering in the air and König’s grip on his switchblade under his pillow turns sweaty. His chest flutters, a nervousness he knows only too well. He can feel heat radiate from where their legs touch.

Y/N’s look is different than usual. He seems to consider something.

“You...”, he begins, the sergeant’s eyes trailing to his backpack on the floor that he hasn’t unpacked yet, “had fun on the mission?”

König blinks, the sudden question throwing him off. 

He was expecting a knife aiming at his chest, not a small talk question. They never do small talk. He can’t even remember if Atom ever asked him a question after they first met that day in the cafeteria. 

They talk smack. But they don’t talk about their personal life or time or their favorite color. König only knows Atom’s age because Zeus told him he’s older by two years.

“I- uh... well, not really”, he says after the initial surprise wears off. Al Mazrah was just sweat, dirt, and not enough sleep.

Y/N nodded slowly, humming in acknowledgment. 

“It wasn’t fun here either”, he says light-heartedly while looking towards the door and casually twirling his knife in his hand but something in his posture tells König that Atom is not feeling relaxed at all. Rather he seems tense.

“Why’s that?”, he asks with an almost soft voice. He looks up at him.

The man remains quiet. König remembers Horangi’s words about the marines and although he’s curious, he doesn’t want to prod, and based on the sudden halt of Atom’s knife twirling, they won’t talk in the next few minutes anyways.

“Doesn’t matter”, Y/N starts, his signature grin forming on his lips, “You know why I’m here.”

He steps away from him, bowing mockingly. König rolls his eyes, seeing this as his cue to stand up. He pulls his knife from under the pillow, activates the blade, and stands tall, now towering over Atom.

“Since when do you announce your intentions?”, he asks, slight amusement can be heard in his voice. 

“Just today, since I missed you”, Y/N replies and the Austrian can’t even be surprised that Zeus was actually right or question the flutter in his chest because in the next second Atom Splitter is aimed at his chest and he blocks the knife in the nick of time. 

Their dance begins. But something’s different this time. The h/c haired man isn’t showing any killing intent at all while he attacks. It throws him off his game a bit.

Additionally, König quickly realizes that the barracks aren’t a good place for him to fight, the space between the bunkbeds isn’t that big and his size makes it hard for him to move his body effectively. 

He retreats towards the door, luring Atom towards the front of the room where there’s more space. Y/N follows him eagerly, taking the chance to stab at him with a knowing look on his face. 

The Austrian isn’t sure if it’s his own exhaustion after the op or if Y/N got some Dragon Ball power-up during their time apart but he understands that, unlike their last fights, Atom is not taking him seriously, instead he’s teasing him. And somehow it annoys him. 

The sergeant throws a glove from Hutch’s bed at him and he ducks, when a sock follows, blocking his eyes for a second. He receives a kick to his thigh as a reward.

“No fighting dirty!” he protests, knowing full well that Y/N is just trying to agitate him like he often does. 

“Tell that to all the hostiles out there!” Atom responds, grinning, dodging König’s knife effortlessly. The giant snorts.

“They wouldn’t throw a goddamn sock at me!”

He blocks the Atom Splitter, a few inches away from his throat. 

“Based on the smell, it could be considered a biological weapon, so yeah, they would”, the sergeant responds, laughing, blocking the other’s fist.

König rolls his eyes, cursing when he gets kicked again at the same place. Y/N dives low and picks up Hutch’s sock again attempting to throw it once more, grinning.

Oh no, you don’t!

König seizes his knife arm and he flips Atom onto the ground in one swift motion, holding his arms down with his legs on each side of his torso, pressing his knife against the sergeant’s throat.

“Got you”, he pants, knowing that Y/N probably let it happen. But it doesn’t matter. His knife reached his collar first. In their usual terms, it’s his win.

The h/c haired man lifts his hips in a fake attempt at throwing him off while grinning widely, the knife digging into his skin, almost drawing blood. "Come on König, we just started..."

“You’re crazy”, the Austrian says, shaking his head, smiling weakly under his mask, “have you ever considered therapy?”

The h/c haired man laughs an amused look on his face. “Fighting is my therapy.”

“You could use a punching bag then.”

Atom shakes his head and replies: “Why should I? I’m having so much fun when sparring with you. I can let go of all my pent-up stress.”

König can see that he means it, there’s a glow in the e/c eyes. He looks rejuvenated. So ein komischer Kerl.

“Why not let off some steam elsewhere?”, he begins, a thought forming in his head when he realizes that they haven’t competed against each other in anything besides sparring. 

Y/N stares at him with a surprised expression but he quickly smiles, intrigued.

“Oh? What do you suggest?”, he asks, lifting his head to lean closer, his voice suddenly deeper. 

König retracts his knife and stands up, deactivating the switchblade.

“How about- and hear me out - an obstacle course? Winner gets to boast about it to the others and loser will take his guard shifts for the next two weeks? Sound good?”

Atom wrinkles his nose, clearly not interested. He sits up, propping up his arm on his knee, twirling his knife. He clicks his tongue in disappointment.

“I’m good thanks.”

König holds out his hand and he grabs it, standing up swiftly. Instead of letting go, the Austrian keeps holding on, staring down at Y/N.

“Are you scared? What - you’re only confident in putting a knife against someone's throat? Makes you feel tough?”, he provokes him, grinning underneath his mask.

He’s feeling daring today after having won that fight and seeing Atom so playful.

The sergeant looks up at him, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re misunderstanding”, he begins, pulling his hand away with force, “I get excited when a knife is against someone’s throat. Try riling up Horangi with these remarks, he cares about stupid contests like that.” He sighs dramatically. “This got boring real quick.”

He dusts off his shirt and König crosses his arms over his chest.

“So you’re calling me a bore?”, he asks acting offended.

“Here I was thinking you’re having the time of your life when fighting me.”

He made a swiping motion over his mask as if wiping away a tear. “Okay then, let’s make this exciting again.”

König activates his switchblade once more, lazily holding it against Y/N’s throat. He tilts his head as if asking: you good now?

Atom just looks up at him, his brows knitted, somewhat annoyed. 

“Don’t tease me, König”, he grunts, “You can’t handle the consequences.”

The Austrian ignores his warning and he smirks: “What's the matter, sarge? Getting excited?”

Atom harshly grabs him by the collar, pulling him down, while simultaneously snatching his mask, lifting it against his eyes, covering them with the fabric. 

“Wha-”, he begins but gets silenced by the sudden pressure on his lips and the taste of coffee. 

It isn’t a kiss, it’s more like Atom is trying to bite him. 

König’s subconscious reaction is to shove him away, but Y/N’s grip on his collar is tight. 

After a few seconds, the sergeant lets go and retreats and König automatically gasps for air, utterly shocked about Y/N’s action. 

"What the hell are you doing-?!”, he asks, staring at the man who just smiles, his e/c eyes dark. 

He looks down at König’s knife and then touches his throat, wiping his thumb across it and then he licks it while holding eye contact with him.

“Don’t bite off more than you can chew, König.”

And then Y/N turns and walks through the open door. He disappears. Just like that, leaving the flabbergasted Austrian alone in the room, breathing heavily.

What the fuck?? Is his only thought. What the absolute fuck?! 

Did that really just happen? He stares at his hands, he’s still holding the knife. The blade is slightly red. 

He cut him. 

König is the first one to actually draw blood. 

Oh, mein Gott. He could’ve killed him. Had he actually pushed him, he could’ve-

No matter the absolute loop the kiss is throwing him into, he’s more concerned about Atom’s well-being and without thinking any further he hurries out of the room trying to follow wherever Y/N could’ve gone. 

In the hallway, he passes a marine who looks at him strangely for running so fast. 

König reaches the end of the corridor where it parts into two ways. He goes left.

In the end, he doesn’t find Y/N and instead meets Stiletto and Roze who stop their conversation immediately when they see him turn around the corner, frantically looking around.

“König? You good?” Roze asks. He shakes his head. “Have you seen Atom?”

Stiletto lifts an eyebrow. “No? Why?”

He uses his mask to wipe the building anxiety sweat from his face. “I injured him, in a- a fight. He’s bleeding.”

The two women look at each other, they’re clearly taken aback by the concern in his voice. 

“Maybe he went to the infirmary?”, they suggest and he nods. Yeah, that makes sense. Before they can add anything else, he’s off.

A few minutes later he reaches the infirmary where their medic is currently stationed. 

“Vic, did Atom pass by?” he asks when bursting into the room. She’s eating an apple and continues scribbling something in a file, completely unfazed by his dramatic entrance.

“Nope”, she says, popping the p. 

“I accidentally cut his throat”, he explains. 

She hums in annoyance. “I didn’t ask- you cut his throat?” The woman looks up, lifting an eyebrow at him with a deadpan expression.

“Shallowly- I think. I wanted to know if he came to take care of it.”

She takes off her glasses and kneads the bridge of her nose. “No, he didn’t. You sure it was shallow?”

He nods slowly. “There isn’t much blood on my knife.” He holds it up to her, activating the blade. She looks at him, then the knife, and then back at him, before sighing. 

“König, get the fuck out of here.”

“Can you tell me if he-”

 “Now!”

She points at the door. He walks out without protesting and softly closes the door behind him.

In the hallway, he just stands there for a minute. 

The last ten minutes feel like a fever dream. His mind is blank as he stares at the mental health awareness poster on the opposite wall, the only questions in his mind why did he kiss me? and did I really like it?

Part II

___

Translations (freely mostly)

putain - French: “fuck” in this context meant more like “idiot”

Der hat eine an der Waffel, dem geh ich besser aus dem Weg - German: “He lost his mind, I’d better avoid him”

Jebote - Serbo-Croatian: “For fuck’s sake”

mec - French: “dude, guy”

So ein komischer Kerl - German: “Such a weird guy”

Oh, mein Gott - German: “Oh, my god”

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty modern warfare II #cod:mw2 #cod:mwii #cod #könig #cod könig #könig x reader #x male reader #könig x male reader #kortac #kortac reader #stiletto #calisto #zeus #klaus #cod horangi #reader #part I #fanficsforheartandsoul

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Five Times John Wanted to See a Movie, and One Time Kayne Made it Suck - a Malevolent Podcast Oneshot

In which Arthur struggles with right and wrong, bemoans the Hays Code, tries (and fails) to define love, and gets a second chance.

Spoilers up to Malevolent ep. 31.

AO3

----------

In January, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

“Damn it, John… fine. You know what? Fine! We’ll go sit in the dark and be perfect targets for someone! Is that what you want?”

He gives in, though.

Arthur can be stubborn. He can be foolish in refusal, often saying no just to say it. 

But to this?

To an innocent request, almost childlike in its intensity, and in its expectation of reply?

Arthur can’t hold out for that long.

Not when it seems to bring John such uncomplicated joy.

#

The movie is called Dancing Lady, and Arthur already knows nothing will ever be made like it again once the Hays Code has its way.

It’s a ridiculous love triangle, a “tarnished” woman (a concept Arthur finds absurd) torn between a rich sponsor and a poor lover, both of whom, at least, see her talent for what it is.

There are some scenes in this one. At one point, Clark Gable massages Joan Crawford’s leg, raising it above his shoulder, only hinting at the things that must surely be on display from Gable’s point of view.

Yowza.

It’s hard not to imagine Joan Crawford making the kinds of faces John describes, and Arthur can’t help a little bit of distracting response.

He focuses on his popcorn instead of anything else prone to explode.

“Those guys are a lot of silk hats and silk socks with nothing between,” says Clark Gable on screen, and Arthur laughs.

John huffs. Why are they being so particular about this?

“Particular about what?” says Arthur.

Tod, Patch, Janie. Why the fuck doesn’t she just lie with both of them? Why do they give a fuck?

Arthur is completely taken aback. “Well, it… I mean… she can’t do that.”

Why not?

Arthur has never in his life considered this question.

It’s about offspring, John decides.

“Ah… no, it’s not really—”

They demand monogamy so there can be no question of inheritance.

“She’s a dancing girl. She has nothing to inherit.”

Sure, but Tod does.

“Yes, but… that isn’t it, John.”

Then what is?

Arthur’s really not sure how to answer. What’s he going to say? That it isn’t the Christian thing to do? “I… it just isn’t done that way. Generally.”

Though in his musician days, he witnessed some truly unique romantic configurations.

It’s a lot to think about.

Stupid, pronounces John with fiendish delight, and continues to tell Arthur everything that’s happening on screen even though Arthur does not reply.

#

In February, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

Arthur sighs. “John. I’ve been fucking stabbed.”

Only a little, says John. The three stitches are fine. You’re fine.

He is fine, honestly. It wasn’t that bad, and in the end, they took out the giant bug-thing that poked him.

He’s pretty sure he isn’t poisoned. Maybe that alone deserves celebration.

Arthur sighs. “Well. I suppose an evening of distraction isn’t such a terrible idea.”

Of course it’s not a terrible idea. It’s mine.

Arthur rolls his useless eyes, but can’t help a little smile. 

#

This movie, though. This movie hits different.

Death Takes a Holiday is about Death himself, who is tired of being misunderstood, and decides to go slumming among humans for a few days to see if he can figure out why.

And he falls in love. 

With a human.

Which can’t end well for that poor lady.

Arthur forgets his popcorn.

The drama is absolutely contrived and thoroughly effective. The struggles of the inhuman to understand the human—

The choice of the human to understand the strange—

“And tonight, I must go back to my distant kingdom,” says Fredric March, whose portrayal of Death is passionate, quiet-spoken, and rife with tortured drama.

“Will you take me with you?” says Evelyn Venable, who plays Grazia, the love interest, and whose name means grace.

“Take you?” says Death, who is pretending to be something he is not, who is carrying on a wild con with the goal of… enlightenment? “Take you? I should be so unhappy alone. Take you? Oh, no, no… don’t tempt me. But Grazia, give me one hour of you—let me hold you once, and feel your life.”

Holy shit, Arthur thinks, because he’s pretty sure he knows how Grazia feels.

Sort of. He’s no damsel, and whatever he and John are isn’t romantic, but still?

“Now you see me as I am,” says Death, at last revealed as shadow, as monster, as darkly divine.

“But I've always seen you like that! You haven't changed,” says Grazia.

She chooses him, knowing what he is.

She chooses him, knowing what it will cost.

The music swells, and Arthur finds himself tearing up. “Then there is a love which casts out fear, and I have found it! And love is greater than illusion… and as strong as death!” Death declares.

John cheers. She goes with him! She went with him! Yes, Arthur!

Does John see the parallels, too?

Arthur isn’t brave enough to ask.

He wipes his eyes, amazed, moved. Almost envious of that stupid made-up girl.

Yeah. This one hit different. 

He can’t help wondering, silly as it is, if this movie was based on something that really happened.

Death and Grazia, reaching across the gap.

It’s not him and John.

But then, who can say just what they are?

#

In March, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

Arthur is tired. “Really? Now?”

Why not? We owe ourselves a little treat.

They do, but after Death’s little romance, Arthur’s not sure he’s ready.

He has decided “friend” is the word for them, but only because he doesn’t have a better one.

Its problem is, it’s not strong enough. It’s nowhere near strong enough.

Arthur is well aware that facing off against the damned pallid mask cult again is the reason for his mood, but what he needs to remember is they failed. 

He’s alive. 

John is still here.

John did not take his exit, his gilt and crafted fire escape, much to the cult’s confusion.

When Arthur destroyed their framework of magic and bone, John cheered him on.

John doesn’t seem to miss them, or regret Arthur’s success.

That means a lot.

Friend? Sure. In lieu of a better word.

Arthur sighs. “What do you want to see?”

#

Jimmy the Gent is bonkers.

Arthur half wonders if it pushes the bar so hard because the Hays Code is breathing down Hollywood’s collective neck, threatening to end artistic freedom forever.

He also wonders if anyone but James Cagney and Bette Davis could have pulled this plotline off.

Cagney plays an unscrupulous man who seeks out wealthy folks who died without a will, then produces heirs to rake in the moolah—heirs who aren’t even real.

The main conflict is his girlfriend balking at his techniques, bailing to join a competitor, and coming back again when the eponymous Jimmy shows himself to be slightly less wicked than the other guy.

There isn’t actually a hero. It’s not black and white; it may be comedy, but it’s comedy gray.

“The only thing he's got that I want is you, and he took you away from me,” says Jimmy.

Oof. Those are some words to hear, and Arthur struggles not to apply them.

“He's got ethics,” says Davis, the dame Joan.

“I don't care if he has carbuncles. The only difference between him and me is he's got a smoother line,” says Cagney as the eponymous Jimmy.

Haha… ah. Wow.

“You can't make yourself clean by making him dirty,” says Joan, and Arthur’s stomach twists.

Arthur slowly exhales. This is a poor allegory for the King in Yellow and him, isn’t it?

But it maybe isn’t so bad for him and Larson.

He’s a little bit better than Larson. Just a little. Is that enough to make him good?

John, funny enough, doesn’t wrestle with morality at all in this, but has a blast with the humor, and praises the cleverness of the characters. He particularly appreciates the way Jimmy puts on airs to win back his lady love. Goal achieved, intimacy earned, all for the price of a barrel of determination and a pinch of deceit.

Arthur is uncomfortable as fuck, and eats all the popcorn at the film, too much popcorn, and gives himself a stomachache.

Somehow, he feels it is deserved.

#

In May, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

They end up picking one all about deceit, romance, and false identity.

The Thirty Day Princess is a heck of a ride.

Are you trying to tell me something? Arthur thinks at a god he doesn’t believe in, thinks at the King in Yellow who is and is not John.

“She Reminds Me of You,” croons Bing Crosby as the hero dances with the princess-under-false-pretenses, who’s filling in for her sick counterpart for a total of thirty days.

Who looks exactly like the ill royal, but most definitely is not her.

I'm standing all alone I've got nothing to live for She reminds me of you And she reminds me of you And it breaks my heart in two

Dear fucking gods.

John is not the King in Yellow.

Except that he is.

Arthur hasn’t processed this. Hasn’t figured it out.

I am the King in Yellow, sounds John’s voice in Arthur’s memory, and Arthur ends up physically ill at the end of the film.

John is quite concerned, but Arthur doesn’t know what to tell him when he asks what’s wrong, and leaves all his questions unanswered like unraveling thread.

#

In September, John says, Arthur, I want to see a movie.

Enough time has passed that Arthur’s resistance has worn down.

He refused two months in a row. He rejoiced (in silence) that the madness with the Order of the Falling Star prevented any such frivolity through August.

But now that’s done, and Kayne has another poorly defined deal that began with an entire group of cultists violently dead, and Percy has Arthur’s blood in a jar for some reason and a promise of future contact, and it’s done.

For better or worse, it’s done.

And it’s quiet.

And John wants to see a movie.

“You know what?” says Arthur, who could use the distraction. "There’s one I want to see, too. Do you know the poets Elizabeth Barret and Robert Browning? Well… Elizabeth wrote some of the most wonderful verse about love and longing that anyone ever has, and apparently, there’s a movie about it, so let’s go see.”

#

The Barretts of Wimpole Street turns out to be completely not what Arthur expected.

Love disallowed by a sex-repulsed parent, physical illness barring the freedom afforded any ordinary adult, a stressful and creepy scene with incestuous undertones, and a decision to kill a beloved pet dog (which fortunately did not pan out) leave Arthur feeling absolutely weird about the whole thing.

The movie tiptoes a lot about morality, about right and wrong, about societal norms and familial expectations.

At least some of it reminded him of arguments with Daniel, after Bella had come down pregnant.

At least some of it reminded him of arguments with James, the day Faroe was born.

All of it reminded him of whatever he has with John, and he doesn’t know how to interpret that.

Norma Shearer as Elizabeth asking, “Robert, have you ever thought that my strength may break down on the journey?”

Frederick March as Robert answering: “It had occurred to me, yes.”

Arthur feels so very mortal, these days.

“Supposing I were to die in your hands?” she says.

“Are you afraid?”

Yes, thinks Arthur. I’m very afraid.

And then comes the line that hits hardest. “Yes,” says Robert Browning. “I am prepared to risk your life, much more my own, to get you out of that dreadful house and into the sun and to have you for my wife.”

Was that an okay thing to say?

Arthur doesn’t know.

He feels like he and John have each made that decision for each other, more than once.

But nobody’s a wife. 

Or something.

He’s not really sure what he’s internally protesting.

“I'm sick of fighting alone. I need a comrade in arms to fight beside me,” Robert says.

“But not one already wounded in battle,” Elizabeth says, who feels lesser, who feels so weak.

“Wounded but undaunted, unbeaten, unbroken. What finer comrade could a man ask for?”

Undefeated.

Arthur swallows hard. Maybe this one was pointed at him, after all.

That was kind of depressing, John pronounces with great cheer as they leave, having enjoyed every moment, and described it all to Arthur in an effort to help him enjoy it, too. I can’t believe he wanted to kill the dog! 

“Well,” says Arthur. “Some people are… cruel… when they lose.”

Someone should kill him instead, John says, and he is joking.

Probably joking.

It feels like John’s moral compass is more reliable than Arthur’s own, these days, so Arthur decides to just let that one go.

#

In October, Arthur says, “John—I want to see a movie.”

Really? You do? You want to hear one, you mean? says John, who’s being clever.

Arthur is able to laugh. “Yes, you whacko.”

John’s pleased. Arthur can feel it. I know you are, but what am I?

Arthur laughs again.

The back-and-forth is ridiculous, but feels so damn good in spite of that. Easy; effortless. Affectionate, knives long stashed.

Three whole weeks have passed since the Rancid Ruby case, and their successful retrieval of the jewel (and the minister’s daughter, whom they hadn’t even known was missing) has brought them enough business and enough income that Arthur has begun to believe John is right: they’re going to be okay.

It’s also put the final nail in the dismissal of their murder case. The minister stood as a character witness, and finally swayed the judge. Who knew?

Parker and Eddie’s deaths have been officially attributed to a burglary gone wrong—backed by Arthur’s wrecked car, miles from the scene; by hospital proof that Arthur, unidentified, had been in a coma; and by Arthur’s indisputable claim of amnesia, causing his disappearance for many months. 

Larson is MIA, having been carried off by the monstrous thing he summoned.

The Butcher is retired, having philosophized himself into a monastery, eager for hypocritical redemption and literal flagellation.

Kayne hasn’t called his favor, but right now, it’s hard to look toward that with horror.

Even this latest case worked out, with a wild showdown in Central Park, loads of witnesses, and the Jade MacGuffin returned to its owner.

It’s all coming up roses. Arthur is almost able to hope.

So what did you want to see? says John.

“Well, they’re saying this will be one of the last great movies—the Hays Code, and all,” says Arthur, who has tried to explain it, and shared John’s frustration at the enforcement of false human experience and morality on screen. “It’s about the great Egyptian queen Cleopatra—a tragic love story, and one that’s inspired all manner of art, music, poetry, and more for centuries.”

Sure. Sounds good. The theater on 15th has popcorn, you know.

That’s all Arthur needs to hear.

#

And it isn’t pointed, it really is not. But it sort of fits how he’s feeling, anyway.

“Together, we could conquer the world,” Cleopatra says, Elizabeth Taylor making every word so sensual that Arthur could drown in any one of them for a week.

“Nice of you to include me,” Warren William’s Julius Caesar replies, and Arthur chuckles, and John says, Hahaha! You can do better! and it’s such a beautiful, perfect shared moment.

And of course, she can do better—in the form of Marc Antony, played by Henry Wilcoxon.

Arthur loses himself in it all, even though he can’t see. The cast is huge. The effects (via John) are jaw-dropping. The music score is moving and expertly done.

When Taylor says, "On. Your. Knees,” Arthur feels some things he really doesn’t know what to do with, but the moment passes quickly.

Cleopatra is everything Arthur wanted in an evening of self-indulgent escape, and John’s continued enthusiasm only makes it more sweet.

Arthur sniffles at the tragic ending, even though he knew it was coming, which Taylor plays to the hilt.

It definitely doesn’t feel pointed like the other movies did. Arthur figures out why when it’s done, while he’s waiting for everyone else to file out so he can leave the theater unhindered.

A lack of communication and irreconcilable core values led to the tragedy on screen.

That’s not him and John. Well, it used to be; but Arthur is certain it’s not anymore.

John says, I think I understand her.

“Her? Cleopatra? How so?”

And with that unnervingly good memory John sometimes demonstrates, he quotes: ‘So Rome would forgive and take you back? And all they demand is for us to part. Why don't they ask the sun to fall right out of the sky?’

Arthur swallows.

That’s how I feel about you, says John, who has never said he loves Arthur, but has shown it, repeatedly and without hesitation.

Arthur has some thoughts on that. "I feel the same,” he says, who has never said those words to John, even though the King in Yellow called him on it months ago.

But Arthur’s fairly sure he’s shown it, too.

He's been thinking a lot about love, of late.

About what it really is, and how it is expressed.

About how the movies usually portray two kinds: romantic, and familial.

This love is neither. It’s different, loaded with unknown spice, broken free from a mold Arthur cannot name.

But it is absolutely real, and Arthur has come to a conclusion that shakes him to his core: he was already willing to die for John, many months ago, yes. But now?

Now, he’s willing to live for him.

Even if Kayne decided to offer me a body, I’m not going anywhere, John says out of nowhere.

“A body?” Arthur isn’t sure where that idea came from. “I doubt he’d do that.”

John says nothing.

Arthur tries to bridge whatever unexpected gap this is, squirming with things in the dark. “It shouldn’t be too difficult to obtain papers for you, if that happened. Make you all legitimate.”

Really. Is that so?

Arthur has to poke. “I’ll say you’re from Montana. That should explain away any obvious social gaffes.”

Gaffes! I’ll have you know I’m far better at handling people than you.

“Well, I suppose we’ll see, won’t we? In this theoretical future that probably won’t happen.”

There’s another slight pause. Arthur frowns.

I want my name on the business, John suddenly says.

Arthur snorts.

Arthur! I’m serious!

“Yes, yes. I don’t see why not.” Arthur is more concerned he might not get his sight back than that John’s name is painted on frosted glass. “Lester and Doe, Private Investigators For Hire.”

Doe and Lester.

“Excuse you. I was in it first.”

But I’m clearly the smarter partner.

Arthur laughs. “You dork.”

And will probably be better-looking, too.

“Now, that’s going too far,” says Arthur, chuckling. 

You’ll see. I’ll draw everyone’s attention with my glorious form, and that’ll give you time to riffle their drawers.

“That’s… not a horrible idea, honestly, though there are a few problems with that—namely, you have no body, and even if you did, I’d still be blind.”

Well, I… well, we…

“Gotcha,” says Arthur, smug, because it’s easier to laugh at this possible future than actually deal with any of it, though even the shadow it casts hurts.

You did not. That’s not even a point. Half a point, maybe.

“Lester and Doe, it is,” Arthur says, because it’s fun to poke the bear.

Instead of answering, John gasps.

Arthur knows John. Knows him well. And immediately stops walking.

“You know, just when I think you two can’t get any cuter, you go and wrap a bow on your dicks and call it Christmas,” says Kayne so close that Arthur can feel breath on his lips.

Arthur staggers back a few steps, then stops himself. Running won’t help. “What do you want?”

Kayne must have kept pace with him, because he speaks just as close, an inch away. “It’s your lucky day! Oh, did you tell him, snippet? Did you? I assume you would have by now, I mean, it’s not like you had half a year or something to figure out how to broach the topic.”

Oh, no. What?

It’s like the ground under Arthur’s feet is shaking, ground he’d thought was solid, but hides a deep and jagged fault line. “What is he talking about?”

Arthur, I—

“Too late now!” says Kayne, and there is a whoosh of air.

Arthur staggers. He didn’t move, but he did, and the sounds and smells tell him he’s no longer on the sidewalk, but in an alley.

And then comes a voice he hates.

A drawl, casual and arrogant, and it doesn’t even matter that it’s coming from waist-height, because his immediate urge is to attack it at once like a bird in a mirror.

“Well, this isn’t what I expected,” says Wallace Larson.

Arthur takes a step.

John reaches across his chest and grabs his arm, hard, like a physical restraint.

“Oh, the webs we weave when we practice to deceive,” says Larson, who sounds fine and dandy, if a little shorter than before.

Arthur, says John, evenly. He’s not alone. He’s strapped to a weird, short table, barely fitting into the alley, and his legs are jammed against the wall. And he’s not alone.

And because this wasn’t fraught enough, the next voice is identical.

Identical. But it isn’t John.

You! Murderer!

“Yellow?” says Arthur, shock stealing sound and sense from this moment, tingling through his body so his face feels numb.

Kayne bounces something light off the side of his head.

“What?” Arthur startles.

“Sorry, thought you’d open your mouth for it, like a baby bird. Popcorn?” Another one hits right under his eye.

“Stop it! What are you doing?”

It’s time for justice! Yellow declares.

Oh, shut the fuck up, John snarls.

Traitor! bellows Yellow.

And Larson starts to sing. Insultingly, it is a hymn.

“Bury my body,” Larson croons in a surprisingly pleasing baritone. “Lord, I don't care where they bury my body. Lord, I don't care where they bury my body, ‘cause my soul is gonna live with God.”

Arthur is going to kill him. The rest of this can sort itself out. He takes another step.

“Hold on there, boyo,” says Kayne in the Butcher’s accent, and takes Arthur’s hand. “You’ll need this.”

That is the handle of a knife. A knife, pressed into his right palm, which means Kayne wants him to do this, and that pours cold water all over the whole operation.

The handle burns, but Arthur ignores that.

Go ahead, says Yellow. You’re already a killer. I see it in your eyes. I know you, Arthur Lester!

This can’t be happening.

“It is, though,” whispers Kayne in his ear. “Looks like Little John didn’t tell you anything, did he? That’s a real foundation for trust.”

“What?” says Arthur, who feels stuck like a skipping record.

You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, says John.

I do. He confessed. He murdered that man and fucking ATE HIM.

He did that because of you! John roars at Yellow. You’re the one who put him in the pit! You’re the one who sent him the gods-damned cannibal! What did you want him to do, just sit back and be eaten?

“What?” says Arthur, weakly.

Because for Yellow to have done that means—

I did? says Yellow, sounding as confused as if he’d been thocked on his phantasmal head.

“Oh, oh, oh yeah,” sings Larson. 

Arthur needs a moment.

“I’m not leaving,” he snaps before anybody can yell at him, and turns to stand at the entrance to the alley, just breathing.

He’s very, very glad he had no alcohol with dinner tonight.

“I dunno, pal, it might’ve helped you out,” Kayne says.

“What is this?” says Arthur.

“Isn’t it clear? No, I suppose it’s not—guess good old Liz (or maybe Henry) redirected the blood from your brain to elsewhere. You’re here to kill your enemy, my boy! End the torment. Flip the switch. Bring that hammer down.”

Arthur swallows. He’s tasting metal again—a thing he’s noticed only happens when he’s on the verge of panic.

Which he is. He doesn’t know what’s going on.

Arthur, I can explain.

“Shhh,” says Kayne, and touches Arthur’s lips.

Arthur tries for him with the knife. 

Of course, it only hits brick, jarring his hand. “Ow,” he mutters. “Damn it!”

“He’ll get to explain it all after. For now, however, you, being the key in this situation, being fully entangled with him, and thus, his representative with a physical form, have a job to do.”

“What job? I haven’t agreed to—is this my favor? For killing those cultists?”

Kayne laughs. “No, you sweet thing. It’s his.”

“His?” Arthur’s voice is small.

I… Arthur, I…

Get back here! Coward! Yellow calls from the alleyway.

“I have questions,” says Arthur, but he honestly can’t think of one.

Kayne tsks at him. “I can see you’re in shock, you tender soul, you, so let’s make this simple. Do this, or John’s gone.”

“Gone?” Arthur’s voice cracks.

“Removed. Incised. Purged, if you will. It’s what he agreed to.”

“John?” says Arthur.

This is what you wanted him in New York for? John says, sounding incredulous.

Arthur’s brain has skipped parts of this conversation like it touched an electrical fault, and he blurts, “Yellow is the King in Yellow, isn’t he?”

Kayne laughs. “Wow, are you behind! They’re both the King in Yellow, my darling rose. Snippet, what have you been teaching him? What, nothing? Well, this is on you, then.”

Get back here! howls Yellow. We’re not finished!

“I said all right,” Larson starts singing again. “You know it's alright. It's alright, c'mon.”

And it calms Yellow. It calms the piece of the King in Yellow, the copy of John that Arthur betrayed, that Arthur ruined so badly that he’s refused to think about it because there’s no fixing what went wrong.

“You are correct on that one,” Kayne confirms. “This is fun, and all, but boys… you’re losing my patience. It’s time.”

Arthur finds himself walking back into the alley.

It’s easy to follow Larson’s voice. 

To follow the sweet-syrup sound of that most hated man, who is awfully damn calm about this, and that is the one thought that surfaces. “You’re awfully damn calm about this, Larson,” Arthur snarls.

“Of course I am, my boy. I’m about to enter immortality. Little hard not to face that with some sorta joy, given all I paid for it.”

“Paid for it!” Arthur’s voice breaks. “You didn't pay for it! Your daughter did!”

“So did yours,” says Larson, who shouldn’t know that, who must have been told by Kayne. “We both got to where we are through that most unfortunate necessity, didn't we?”

Murderer! Yellow declares.

Six months ago, that would have been it.

Arthur would have lost it. Gone feral, melted into violent goo, stabbed and tore and shouted until he was covered in gore, until Larson was unrecognizable, until the form could compete with Uncle for mess and mayhem and pulp in bad places.

Today, he pauses.

It’s not the same, says John, calm, because this is only for Arthur. You know it’s not. We’ve been over this.

He killed his daughter! says Yellow.

He made a mistake and she died—and what the fuck are you crowing about? Your guy sacrificed his on purpose! One’s an accident and the other isn't! Fuck, how stupid are you? Did I get all the intelligence, is that it?

What? says Yellow, again taken aback, again stuttered to a halt in the middle of rage.

Arthur realizes with a little gut-twist that Yellow is weirdly naive.

Gullible. That’s the word. He just accepts what anybody says in the moment, then applies that black and white, childish morality.

Yellow would not understand half the movies they’d seen of late.

Why? Why was this?

“Because he didn’t get to spend a month all alone, silly,” says Kayne. “Isn’t that neat? It’s all about godhood and nature versus nurture and all that kind of thing. If you’d been awake the whole time, your John would be even screwier than he is. It’s almost like your bad luck scratches the itch of some eager, chaotic observers. Anyway! What’s the hold up? That’s the guy who hurt you, Arty. That’s the guy who made your teeth loose. You really gonna hesitate now?”

That’s the guy means Yellow, not Larson, and this just got more complicated. “What happens to Yellow if I do this?” says Arthur, because he never asked that before, and he should have, and it’s probably too late, but that’s just how his life goes.

“Hm? Oh, he’ll die,” says Kayne.

John gasps.

Shit. “And what happens to John, then?” says Arthur.

“Heck if I know. This is all new territory, which is why I’m being so patient. Don’t want to miss a thing.”

“Lead me, Jesus, lead me,” sings Larson. “Why don't you lead me in the middle of the air, and if my wings should fail me, won't you provide me with another pair?”

“So you’re crackers,” says Arthur. “Barmy. Lost your damned mind. This isn’t Jesus. This is Kayne. He’s not going to do anything good for you.”

Kayne gasps. “Such ingratitude!” And he laughs. “Next, you’re going to say you don’t want your office filled with music boxes.”

Okay, that—

Okay.

Arthur needs another moment.

“You don’t get one,” Kayne whispers in his ear. “It’s time. John didn’t tell you, and I’m glad he didn’t, because you are fucking glorious this upset, but it’s time. Kill him.”

“Why?” whispers Arthur, and means so many things.

Kayne doesn’t bother to reply.

I… Arthur, I….

“Will you be all right, John?”

I don’t know.

Arthur grips the knife. Its burning leather handle creaks, and Arthur accepts the pain in his palm, because something this messy should not be easy.

Yellow gasps. You’re going to do it in cold blood?

“I’m sorry, Yellow,” says Arthur, because Yellow is not really the King in Yellow, any more than John is. “It seems I fucked up for you all over the place.”

You’re a killer. I don’t expect anything better from you.

He’s human, says John. He’s made mistakes, and stayed alive. Your guy’s no better.

Yellow seems stunned again. He’s not?

Larson laughs. “Little guy, it’s all right. This is where it was always going. Why do you think I had to get you to New York? You’re my final step. My sacrifice. Your death’ll elevate me, son. Mister Lester, I’m fully ready. Do the deed. Let’s get this over with. Then, when I’m ascended, and I’m a god, I’ll be sure to stop by and say hi.”

Arthur’s throat is tight. “He can’t be serious.”

“His deals aren’t for you to know,” says Kayne. “Also, you’re out of time.”

“Wait,” says Arthur.

“Say goodbye to John in three,” says Kayne.

“Wait!” says Arthur, who has an idea, who suddenly thinks—

“Two,” says Kayne. 

With a choked, miserable sound, Arthur cuts Larson’s throat.

But not with the knife Kayne gave him.

“Oh, foul!” Kayne cries. “Oh! Oh! Cheater!”

Andrew! says Yellow, sounding distraught. Andrew! No! No!

What did you do? says John.

“Improvised?” says Arthur, who has no idea what he’s done, except he had to save John, except the knife Kayne gave him was maybe special, except this complete guess was the only hope he had, and he’d only had time to stuff Kayne’s knife away and grab his own instead.

Larson gargles. He sounds like he’s trying to laugh.

Andrew! Yellow sobs it. Andrew! He doesn’t seem to be dying.

So it worked?

So Larson doesn’t get godhood?

Arthur’s hand is warm with blood. He doesn’t know what to do. He tries to clean that knife inside his jacket, where he hopes it won’t show.

Kayne sighs. Paces. 

Kayne punches the wall.

It’s a bad sound, cracking, crumbling. Something inside the building crashes down, and there are screams.

Arthur shakes.

“You know,” says Kayne. “I’ll give you this one. I’ll hand it to you. Didn’t predict it. That’s awful rare. So I’m really pissed at you, and you’ll feel that soon enough—but I can appreciate a good scam.”

“I didn’t pull a scam,” Arthur says, quieter, because Yellow has begun to sob.

It is an ugly sound, wretched, utterly unselfconscious.

He’s doing that because Larson is dead.

It doesn’t feel good. None of this does. Arthur isn’t the same as he was in Addison. “I’m sorry,” he says.

Yellow doesn’t stop crying long enough to answer.

Kayne shoves him suddenly, bruisingly, against the wall. “I am… really… mad at you. I won’t get to pull an experiment like this again for who knows how the fuck long. But… that was the deal. You did the deed. Technically, you’re off the hook. But you, Arthur—you still owe me a favor.”

“I won’t kill Yellow,” Arthur says.

Arthur!

Arthur takes Kayne’s knife back out of his pocket and throws it down, and the clang it makes in the alley is weird, wrong, otherworldly. “I won’t. I’ve done enough to him! Fuck you, I—”

He chokes.

There is a fist is in his throat, impossibly swelling, knuckles distending, expanding, distorting, threatening to tear him from the inside. Can’t swallow around it. Can’t—

It stops. 

Arthur gasps, ragged.

“Better idea,” says Kayne, and suddenly, Yellow’s sobbing is inside his head.

“John!” Arthur manages, gagging, terrified John was swapped into the dead man’s body.

I’m here! I—what the fuck?

Leave me alone! Yellow howls.

They’re both in there, equally loud, equally growly, and it’s too much, there is a weight to the fulness of an eldritch god in his brain, and his own soul feels pinched and battered and stepped on, and he can’t breathe, and—

“This should be fun,” he hears Kayne say, and then he passes out.

#

The arguing is what wakes him.

That doesn’t matter. I don’t care.

Then you’re a hypocrite of the highest order, John snarls.

What does that make you?

Look, you moron, just calling me things doesn’t make it—Arthur! The change in tone is remarkable. Arthur—are you all right? Talk to me, Arthur.

The sharp concern in John’s voice—tenderness mixed with violence, crafted for him.

Arthur recalls Yellow weeping over Larson, and he aches for him, and wonders if his own inner compass has gotten even more broken over the last day. “I’m… I’m here. Fuck, I sound strangled.”

He does. Haggard, raspy. 

Larson could out-sing him at this very moment, and he won’t be able to sing to calm Yellow for a while, and that is such an odd thought to have that Arthur’s face burns, and he rolls over to press it into the cool pillow.

Wait. Pillow?

Lucky, says Yellow, low and bitter. Yours woke up.

I told you he would. He’s remarkable.

Andrew was remarkable.

Wallace Larson was a motherfucking cheat who traded children and people’s lives all the time to seem interesting. Arthur does it all on his own.

Arthur feels not all on his own a little too much, right now. “Yellow.”

What? says the new voice, and the tone is fearful, and challenging, and tight.

Is he doing this?

He’s doing this.

Arthur already decided he’s doing this, and he may be many things, but he doesn’t easily change his mind. “I’m sorry.”

Both the voices in his head are still for a moment.

What? they say together.

“I’m sorry. I met you when I was… I was at the worst of myself. I lied to you, and tried to control you, because I was so afraid of losing you again. Losing… John again. Kayne told me you were him, and I thought… you know, it doesn’t matter what I thought. I fucked up, Yellow. I’m sorry.” It feels weak. “That’s all.”

There is a trembling inside, a non-corporeal shaking that feels like maybe the fault line has been transplanted into him.

How dare you? Yellow says.

I told you so, says John.

How dare you lie to me! You just murdered my… you killed him!

Arthur sighs. “I did. I wasn’t letting John get taken. No matter what shape I’m in, that’s… just how it’s going to be.”

That trembling again.

Larson was ready to sacrifice you, like I said—but you’re safe now, says John to Yellow, which Arthur did not expect. You’re me. He won’t hurt you.

That’s more faith in Arthur than Arthur has for himself.

I’m not you. We can’t even merge, Yellow says.

“You can’t?” says Arthur, who’d forgotten that was a thing until this moment.

No. We… we’ve both changed too much. We can’t.

There is sorrow in John’s voice, deep and aching, a finality that communicates loss Arthur can’t fully comprehend.

It’s a farewell to a thing Arthur cannot even imagine needing.

He has no idea how to engage with it, so he goes for familiar ground. Not a poem, but the movie they just saw—a way to say, I love you, without saying those words. “‘You choose me, Cleopatra, against the world,’” he says.

John practically surges to respond. ‘Then we'll meet it! We'll smash it to pieces, put it together again and call it ours!’

Yellow is, understandably, confused. You’re going to smash the world?

“No, we… no. It’s a movie.”

What’s a movie?

John scoffs. Your asshole of a guy didn’t even take you to see a movie? We’ve seen six in just a few months!

But what is one? I want to see one! What is it?

Arthur is not going to see a movie right now. He feels like his head weighs a thousand pounds. “How did I get to a bed? Did Kayne bring me here?”

There is a distinctly guilty pause. So, says John. When you’re fully unconscious, uh. We. Um.

We have control of your hideous form, Yellow informs him. You’re in your hotel room.

“What? Wait, what?” Arthur sits up. He feels the same. Blind, left hand and foot numb. Head too heavy, but—“What?”

When you’re unconscious, repeats John, we have control. So we got you out of there, because there’s a dead body, and we don’t need to face the police again.

Cowards, both of you, says Yellow.

Maybe he should take Yellow to see some morality plays before the movies, or something. “Where’s the knife? It had my fingerprints.”

Fucking Kayne took it back. It was weird, Arthur. I’m glad you couldn’t see it. Even with me looking through your eyes, they bled.

Arthur stiffens and reaches up. Sure enough, there are dried tracks of blood from his eyes down his neck. “Fuck. Can you see?”

Yes. You seem all right. Just… that knife was bad.

Why—Yellow stops.

“Why what?”

Why didn’t you use it?

Arthur’s not sure he’s in any shape to verbalize this. “What I did to you before wasn’t right. What Larson was doing to you now wasn’t right. It’s time someone didn’t do the wrong thing by you, is all.”

Silence in response.

Whatever that means.

Arthur stands, shaky as a newborn lamb, and feels his way to the bathroom. He strips as he goes, dropping clothing in a trail.

Is it time for a rite? says Yellow, oddly hopeful.

Rite?

He’s naked.

So?

This is too weird, and Arthur does not engage. He turns on the shower. 

But… humans get naked for rites.

John scoffs. He told you that? What the fuck?

They don’t get naked for rites? Yellow sounds lost again.

“So what you’re telling me is fucking Larson never washed his arse,” Arthur mutters, and John laughs.

Don’t you know anything about humans? says John then, disgusted.

Of course I do! More than you!

They are clearly going to be at this for a while.

Arthur lets them, hoping they tire themselves out.

He’s scraped from the bricks in the alley. Bruised from Kayne’s manhandling, and, he thinks, inside his throat. His right hand, disturbingly, seems to have been slightly burned where he held that weird knife. He can’t be sure, but he thinks he’s lost his fingerprints.

But he’s okay. He made it.

He always makes it.

And for the first time in his life, weirdly, he feels like he might have a second chance at something he truly fucked up.

They’re still fighting about naked humans. It’s obviously a cleansing rite!

You’re a moron!

“Yellow,” says Arthur. “I’m sorry you lost your person. He was a monster, but… I get it, and I’m sorry. Good, bad—they don’t matter when there’s grief.”

Another trembling pause as the steam rises, and Arthur washes away the blood, the sweat, the dubious stickiness he finds where Kayne grabbed him through his suit jacket.

I… didn’t like it, says Yellow, soft.

“I know. I think we’ve all… we’ve all gone through some loss here, through no fault of our own.”

Don’t tell me you feel bad for taking that fucker out, says John. You’ve been wanting him dead for months.

Arthur knows clarification is needed, and it is the hardest thing to do, but he has to make this second chance count. “Since I learned he sacrificed his daughter for power, yes. It made me think of losing my little girl, and though that was… that was an accident, I couldn’t… imagine someone doing it on purpose. I went a little insane.”

A little? scoffs John.

“A lot insane, then. Still. Yellow wouldn’t have landed in him at all if I hadn’t been such an ass.”

Actually, says John. About that.

Arthur has been thinking. “You made a deal with Kayne.”

I… yes.

Why? says Yellow.

To get back to Arthur.

Why? Yellow says.

He’s mine, says John.

“And, what? It was just about getting me to New York?”

Yes. He said if I did that, I could stay in you. He even hinted he might give me a body, if I paid his debt right, though it wasn’t… worded clearly. If I failed, and couldn’t get you to New York, I’d… I’d go back to the Dark World. But then we were here, and nothing happened, and I… I sort of hoped he’d forgotten.

“You could’ve told me.” It hurts a little. More than a little.

I’m sorry.

Arthur sighs. “I forgive you. We made it through. Just tell me anything else like that, all right?”

I will. I promise.

Yellow is quiet. 

Arthur has no idea how this conversation might stack up against whatever else Yellow has heard.

He dries off and limps back to the bed, where he falls face-first into the pillow. “No joyrides while I’m out. I need rest.”

You adapted to that news pretty quickly, says John, suspicious.

“I have not adapted at all. I’m simply too damn tired to engage with it right now. Tomorrow, I’ll have a proper panic over it, but for the next few hours, I mean it. No joyrides.”

Fine. No joyrides.

But what if we—

We promised. No joyrides.

I didn’t promise, Yellow grouses.

I did, and we are both the King in Yellow, and that’s our word. Shut up.

They are never going to stop.

Weirdly… it’s not that hard to tune them out.

It reminds Arthur of the strangest thing: those noisy, chaotic, wonderful days when Faroe’s “friends”—really just toddlers her age, in the neighborhood—came over, and everybody was yelling and squealing and laughing and demanding, and all the other parents (mothers, they were all mothers, and Arthur never fit in) clustered like chortling geese to add to the ruckus.

And it shouldn’t have been peaceful, but it was.

It shouldn’t have been the kind of noise he could sink into, but it was.

Why this is like that, Arthur doesn’t know.

Maybe he doesn’t need to know.

For some reason, John is now telling Yellow the plot of The Thirty-Day Princess. And then the Baron said, ‘We are on a wild goose egg!’

Yellow laughs.

Is it safe, to leave them unmonitored like this?

Then again, maybe they need it.

Arthur certainly needs it.

He has no idea what to do with this. He has no idea if he can keep them both in there. His skull feels oddly… strained.

But now, right now, he needs sleep.

John promised no joyrides. (Arthur will deal with that horror tomorrow.)

John’s promise, in spite of today’s unpleasant surprise, is good enough.

Yellow’s grief is real. That’s going to take time to navigate. Arthur feels he owes that much.

So… is everyone safe now? At least until Kayne returns?

Maybe.

Arthur doesn’t know how this works, and he’s no longer arrogant enough to assume he ever will.

Maybe he doesn’t have to know.

Maybe it’s enough to survive, and listen, and forgive, and try to make up for mistakes.

To take his chance to make up for one, and hold it with all his heart.

Arthur drifts off to the sound of John’s attempt at a Ruritanian accent.

Maybe it really is coming up roses, after all.

--------

NOTES

Of course, I had to do ridiculous research for this so it would all be accurate.

It's part of my self-indulgence. Hush.

Dancing Lady on Wikipedia, and you get to see the scene that made poor Arthur hot and bothered right here on YouTube.

Death Takes a Holiday is on YouTube in terrible resolution here, BUT if you skip to 1:04:44, you get to see where Grazia chooses to go with Death.

The romp that is Jimmy the Gent. The quip about ethics and carbunkles is right here, at 1:25.

The Thirty Day Princess was hard to track down, but I found a solid review of it, a clip of the Ruritanian accent, and of course, Bing Crosby's She Reminds Me of You.

The Barretts of Wimpole Street, including that DEEPLY uncomfortable clip where the father seems to think all sex is evil, then gets weirdly handsy with his daughter. Yowza.

Oh, Cleopatra... they don't make movies like this anymore. On. Your. Knees.

As for Yellow... well, I saw how he responded to Larson at the end of 28. He just... accepted whatever Larson said - weirdly innocent about it, which made Larson even creepier to me. I sort of figured without a chance to reset and think (like John had during the coma), he wouldn't be able to grow the same way.

The hymn Larson was singing, My Soul is Gonna Live With God. In your dreams, asshole.

#malevolentpod #malevolent fic #malevolent podcast #malevolent #malevolent kayne #arthur lester #john doe malevolent #malevolent fanfic #malevolent arthur #john malevolent #malevolent fanfiction

[mirrorhoppingdays]

not me and portrayal of twinship

Be forewarned, this is long as hell.

Normally when I think about writing about media depictions of twins (as a highly opinionated twin), two things stop me. One, nobody cares. Seriously, most people actively want to avoid understanding twins' point of view. It's my overwhelming experience. Two, it's just too much to delve into and I have thoughts about every little thing. I would digress until I became overwhelmed. But I think it might actually work to discuss this one facet. It might connect with a few people because fandom types are often actually interested in novel points of view and the emotional landscapes of others. And if I only talk about this one show that narrows things for me in a helpful way. So here goes.

As soon as Not Me starts with episode 1, there is an item on the balance sheet. We begin with the idea that twins can feel each others' feelings and feel when the other is seriously injured. We see this in Black & White's childhood and then again when White returns to Thailand after many years away. So, psychic twin connections. I'm both highly militant and oddly patient when it comes to twin depiction stuff. I don't love the psychic thing, but that's the variety of twinship media nonsense I'm willing to take on board *if* it's done well and it's worthwhile. When you begin a story about twins with a psychic connection and make it a central feature of your plot, you've essentially borrowed goodwill from me. If you squander it, then your balance will come due and you'll be left owing. If you use it well, I'll forgive the loan. So we start not on a bad note, but with higher stakes.

Pretending-to-be-one's-twin plots work okay for me. Why? Because as much as they might rely on twin resemblance, they can't work without the twins being different, whole people. That shouldn't be considered a positive because all characters should begin as whole people, but we know that doesn't always happen in general and it certainly doesn't always happen with twins.

We begin a whole big chunk of the story where the crux may be that White is sort of undercover as his own brother, but twinship isn't actually at issue much at all. It's about deception and risk, not twin connection or twinship. We do get constant reminders that White and Black are very different, and we get a lot of White trying and only kind of succeeding at pretending.

One thing that rings true to me is that he doesn't actually have to do all that great a job of pretending. If you don't know somebody has a twin, and to some extent even if you do, as a human being you'll default very hard to this-is-the-same-person. It's just necessary in every moment of our lives that we're not dealing with identical twins, so it's necessary to lean that way. Also, as a twin I know very well that the majority of people are highly unobservant about a great many things. And it's not like these guys have any reason to think this is some other guy, though it would have been a note of realism if at some point at least one of them had gone wait, is Black reporting on us to the cops or something because he's acting sketchy. They do point out that he's being weird, so that base is partially covered.

I did some Tumblr poking around before I was done watching, so I saw a few spoilery things. Thanks partly to that, I couldn't help but hope that Sean figured out comparatively early that White was not Black. That would have been kind of thrilling to see, honestly, as a twin. But I certainly understand how that might not happen, and I also see the efficacy (to the plot) of having him not figure it out too quickly. It's more interesting if he doesn't know right away.

Clearly Tumblr world loves memeing about how Black woke up from his coma when, possibly because, White hooked up with Sean (I'll be more coy in my wording than some). Twin-rep-wise, that's a wash to me, neither better or worse than the psychic connection trope. I'm already tolerating the psychic stuff, and I can't say it's not an interesting plot point. If you need Black to wake up, when else would it be? It probably borrows a little more goodwill, but again that's stakes rather than a deficit.

As someone who remains skeptical of the psychic twin connection trope, I will say this. The particular way Black wakes up kind of shows the absurdity of the whole conceit. I'm cool with it because this is melodrama and it *should* be bonkers, but it goes to show what you're playing with when you invoke that trope.

This is when stuff gets interesting, to me but I assume to everybody. White and Black are both running around in the world of the show, and crucially they're also interacting with each other. And some of what happens is honestly pretty great twin-rep-wise. I really have to hand it to writer/director Nuchy Anucha Boonyawatana—she must be a pretty empathetic, intuitive person. (Along with her cowriters.) She seems to have made an effort to put herself in both Black and White's shoes in a real human way. Like, well beyond what the story would require.

I wanted to avoid digressing too much, but I want to go back to the very first moment in the entire show. In that brief scene, White looks in a dark, foggy mirror and says these words in voiceover: “When you see somebody who looks precisely like you, every part of his body resembles yours, you must feel really strange. But for me, it’s special. I call that specialness ‘twins.’”

When I saw this scene, I won’t say I knew this would be a thoughtful treatment of twins. But I did find it promising. Part of what annoys me about being a twin is how non-twins, aka singletons, think that being a twin is great because on some level they think of their hypothetical twin as an extension of themselves. Your twin is not you, and your twin is not part of you. Your twin is a human being, and like any other human being in the world there are some moments and some ways when they can seem utterly unknowable, foreign, unfathomable.

Back to the point in the story where I left off.

There’s a big twin moment near the end of episode 9: White is confronted in Black's apartment by an unknown figure, only to find that it's his brother. White’s voiceover tells us what he's thinking, and he calls back to that brief beginning scene. Now that I’ve gone back to look at both moments, I can say that they’re very similar in length and rhythm. So I suspect our writer/director was not only deliberate about the echo but also exacting in how both moments play out.

White’s voiceover says: “I’d always imagined the day I’d see my brother again. It’s supposed to be a heartwarming moment. But now it’s happening. It’s surprisingly frightening. It’s as though I’m meeting my doppelgänger.” Of course this is a translation, but it’s worth noting that you can hear actor Gun Atthaphan saying “doppelgänger,” so you know there isn’t a ton of poetic license on the part of the translator here.

White and Black exchange some awkward pleasantries, and then Black echoes White, saying "You look so much like me, it’s creepy.”

If I hadn’t seen my twin in ten years (especially at that age), it would have been very surreal even if that person weren’t as menacing as Black seems to be. It’s just that there are dimensions to twinship that fade in your mind when you’re not actively engaged with them. I assume that regular degular siblings can experience this in partial ways or in flashes, but I don’t have any of those so I can only guess. Seeing your twin after a long time apart isn’t somehow magical in a good or a bad way. But your twin carries all the powerful associations of any close family member along with a similarly large number of associations to your own identity.

I chase catharsis in media, but I don’t usually experience it strongly. But there can be a catharsis in recognition of self, and that’s what I get from these moments. To be clear, I don’t feel some profound otherness when I interact with my sister. She’s a sweetheart and I feel very close to her. But the twin experience, for me at least, connects strongly and meaningfully to some very basic aspects of my human existence. The fact that one is a little bit alone even in the closest togetherness. The fact that other people are never fully knowable. The fact of my own identity and how its boundaries aren’t quite as firm and distinct as I might pretend they are. How much I need connection. The way so much about my perceptions and actions can be strongly influenced by others in ways I’m totally unconscious of. Some of this may sound hokey! But it’s difficult to express it any other way.

Moving on. White goes to meet their mother as Black, and just as their conversation is ending she makes it clear she knows who he really is. You might think that bit is meaningful to me, but it doesn’t strike a stong chord. Parents can tell their twin children apart, yes. Would it be harder after ten years? Assumably. What is it supposed to mean about her that she can? I don’t know; I’m not a huge fan of hers.

Black encounters Sean and is incredibly cruel to him, beats him, and it sucks. It annoys me to heap praise on actors for playing twins—actors play different roles all the time and that’s just doing two of them in the same project—but I have to admit that Gun Atthaphan not only does a great job playing dual roles, but a good job playing twins specifically. In a way it’s hard to understand now, having seen what we have as the audience, how Sean could fail to see that this isn’t “his” Black. But he doesn’t, because there’s no way anything else is possible according to what he knows about his world.

Sean sees White-as-Black again as White saves him from sketchy mercenary types, and then tries repeatedly to confront him. White doesn’t really explain and Sean doesn’t come to an obvious epiphany. But when Sean sees Black again, something has clicked. He attempts the trust fall White showed him and Black just stares on contemptuously. Black is smoking “again.” And we get to another big twin moment. This is episode 12.

Sean gets it. He says “You’re not the Black that I love.” He handcuffs himself to Black. They have an oddly realistic fight that involves various uncomfortable wrestling positions. And he says “You have a twin brother?” Black denies it, Sean insists repeatedly. And you see Black’s face change from contempt to anger as he says “Don’t you get close to my little brother again.”

This is a fun, climactic moment. It is, of course, adorable that Sean insists he won’t stay away from White, and honestly pretty adorable in an extremely grumpy way that Black is being protective. (Here again Gun is very convincing. For such a small, baby-faced guy he is genuinely menacing as Black.)

The moment is also true to my experience, though the only direct connections I can make aren’t exactly similar in circumstances. If your social world intersects heavily with that of your twin, there really are particular moments in many romantic relationships and even in many close friendships where the other person will sort of take a twin inventory with you. They don’t go on a spiel about how you’re cooler than your twin (unless maybe they suck as a person), they probably don’t even compare you exactly. But each person has to come to their own realization because (often at least) while they knew you and your twin are different people, they had to learn it all over again on another level. And they want you to know they perceive it.

There are smaller iterations of this phenomenon where people will emphatically tell you that while they have been able to tell you apart in the past, *now* they don’t even think of you as looking the same, now they can’t imagine how anybody *ever* confuses you. It’s not like this happens every single time I get to know every single person, but it’s so common in its broad strokes that I feel confident saying that the people around me and my sister share some common experiences in how they perceive us. And a change comes at a certain point that’s compelling enough that people are motivated to talk about it, try to make you understand.

Anyway, while this is a phenomenon that happens around me rather than to me, Sean’s insistence strikes a chord.

Sean finds White. White does a totally accidental trust fall, and it’s pretty cute.

White... decides to halfway drown himself to “remind [Black] of [their] connection”? Which makes some intuitive sense in the moment even if it sounds a bit silly. And is a little. Black finds him, they talk, Black concludes that he can’t stop White from staying with the group, going on their mission, and being with Sean. White stops Sean from going to the drug warehouse alone, at which point he says something that rings true for me as well. He explains why he hesitated to stay part of things, and says “I thought it wasn’t my place.”

When Black returned and demanded his phone, demanded White go away and not see the gang anymore, White went along with that because in a real way that was valid. White had genuine reasons for essentially stealing Black’s life, but that is what he did. White is an empathetic sweetheart so while he did get used to Black’s world he does feel guilty and out of place suddenly. But now he sees that things have changed, and he can’t go back to before all this happened. And of course he’s in loooove, so there’s that as well.

Then White tells the other dudes who he is (except for Gumpa, who knew the whole time) and it takes them a while to believe him. But when they do, they immediately do the twin inventory with him, saying how did I not see this earlier, etc.

They do their attempted heist, loads of shit goes wrong, they fall from various frying pans into various fires for a good while. They get away, things settle down. Sean does the twin inventory with White again and insists he’s completely able to tell White and Black apart now.

Then we have my final twin moment. White says he knows Black won’t be returning to the group. “Nobody wants to live in someone else’s shadow,” he says. “My brother sacrificed this role for me.”

This rings true for me. As a twin, you never want to think of yourself as interchangeable with your sibling. But at the same time many relationships and groups don’t have room for each of a pair of twins to feel comfortable. It’s not like you have to come up with some legalistic scheme for who “owns” a social group or anything like that. But at least in my sort of twin relationship, you’re never going to have a symmetrical relationship with a third person or a social circle. Even if you each have the same degree of connection to the same person, it’s different. And I can’t say it’s ever really been the same. One has always been closer, or more comfortable, or something.

Well, if you can believe it that’s not everything I could have said. But it’s a lot, and if you made it to the end I thank you. In case it doesn’t go without saying, I did find it worthwhile to indulge the psychic twin trope. What I got out of Not Me was worth the latitude.

#not me #not me the series #gun atthaphan #off jumpol #avoiding twin tags like the plague until i figure out which are not sketchy

[elekinetic]

does st have copaganda? yes im sorry i wanted to ask this question because it seems a lot of people don't think so (harmful in so many ways)

alright. let’s have this conversation.

Copaganda is media that promotes celebratory portrayals of the American* police force. These portrayals are often antithetical to the realities marginalized groups (POC, queer people, working class, the intersections of these groups, etc). Copaganda rewards fictional officers who ignore procedures (that often protect civil liberties) in favor of chasing a “hunch” or “doing what’s right,” even without evidence. When you have a police system with deeply ingrained racism, those “hunches” will be painted by said racism. Basically a show tells you to trust the instincts of police, regardless of proof. By portraying cops as heroes and inherently good, copaganda discourages rightful critique of the police force. They’re the cops. They’re the good guys. What could they possibly be doing wrong?

Jim Hopper, as sheriff, represents the police in this show.** He regularly breaks protocol and the law in order to save the day, and the plot rewards this behavior. Between his relationships with Sarah, Joyce, and El, Hopper is deeply empathetic. we love Hopper and we want to see him win. Most importantly, we trust Hopper. So, if Hopper, who consistently breaks protocol for the greater good = police (which he does, bc being sheriff is a massive part of his character which we never forget), and Hopper = good and trustworthy, then cops who break protocol = good and trustworthy.

Spelled out like that, it seems so obvious. How do you fall for something like that? But they’re all subconscious connections. Often the writers don’t even realize they’re doing it. we’re so used to the “hero cop” archetype that we don’t even stop to think about its repercussions. think about shows like Brooklyn 99 or Psych. It’s pretty clear the showrunners didn’t sit down and say “Okay, how can we further manipulate the American public into trusting a system that primarily exists to oppress marginalized peoples and reinforce harmful social structures?” But that’s the effect. You bombard the American public with media that tells you to empathize with the police and to take their side…. the American public will take their side. So yes. Stranger Things absolutely has copaganda, and it doesn’t matter that it’s unintentional. It is still harmful.

This isn’t to say you have to stop watching Stranger Things.*** Just… be mindful of this. Be aware that this is fictional. The guy in the cop car parked on the corner is not Jim Hopper, or Jake Peralta, or Juliet O’Hara. Cops are not your friends. They do not want to help you. (If one bad apple is protected by ten good apples, you have ten bad apples. all cops are bastards****.)

Garfield said it best: you are not immune to propaganda. Stay critical of the media you consume. Don’t let yourself get played.

*copaganda is not exclusive to the US, but it’s especially widespread here and that’s what is relevant to this conversation given ST takes place in indiana.

**in seasons 1-3. callahan’s joviality and powell’s struggle to fill hopper’s shoes in s4 make them empathetic. again, getting us on their side and trusting them.

***full disclosure: it is in no universe my call on whether you should or shouldn’t keep watching a show bc it’s copaganda. i’m very white and it is not my place to decide whether a show can be “forgiven” or not. again. stay critical.

****just a reminder that ACAB does not mean all cops suck, it means all cops are part of a bastardized system that, again, exists to serve and reinforce oppressive structures.

#anon ik you know why this is harmful i’m just trying to get my talking points ahead of me lmao #also don’t apologize oh my god. we should be talking about this more. #stranger things #ask box

[watanabes-cum-dump]

PGR and the portrayal of war aka another compare and contrast to Genshin

One thing I wanna give to PGR’s story is how they handle war. Like, for the most part I think only war films capture that brutality really well, but for most fictional wars it’s treated more like just something that happened. All the dead people mean nothing to the viewer, and we only care when a major character dies. 

PGR is like that initially too, but as the story progresses and especially in recent chapters the horrors of war are highlighted. 

From the batshit crazy amount of deaths in Evernight Beat, to the look into the politics of the world government, the early construct programs and the claustrophobic shelter/bunker in Surviving Luceum. It’s all ugly, really, really ugly. There is no glory, because even skk and the Gray Raven as “the heroes” are still suffering and making lots of sacrifices. 

Can we also talk abt the NPC deaths? Bc those are the most tragic. 

Obviously, PGR will probably never kill off a playable/important character. But that doesn’t mean it can’t hurt if it’s an NPC. 

I wanna compare Teppei to the head Commandant. That old guy, Hans I think? I forgot his name. There are worst NPC deaths in PGR but I wanna compare head Commandant and Teppei bc they’re both soldiers. 

As much as everybody loved to say how sad Teppei’s death is, come on ya’ll it really was not that bad. Teppei was part of our little squad in the resistance but what the fuck do we care? Why is he fighting against Inazuma’s Shogunate? We don’t know. Seems like he’s trying to get buddy buddy with everyone given how all he does is get along with the traveler and want to get matching uniforms or whatever. 

He dies of rapid aging because of the delusions Kokomi stupidly bought from the Fatui no questions asked. Okay then. Uh, how sad? Yeah there’s that dialogue when he’s old abt oh he wants to get new uniforms but… didn’t that just feel like Hoyo was trying to be sad? Listen when they really want to be sad, they are sad. This is not bashing Hoyo’s writing, just Inazuma’s story as a whole. Come on, that arc was horrible and you know it. Hoyo’s writing is emotional, the recent Honkai chapters look like they’re gonna be tear jerkers (and I don’t even play that game) Xiao’s whole thing in the chasm, Himeko’s death, all of the we will be reunited quests with Dainsleif. I just really hated Inazuma sorry. 

Point is, it just wasn’t sad because we don’t know shit about him and Traveler doesn’t seem to hung up either. He was just a soldier, and the war against the Raiden Shogun was just one huge fucking joke. Stakes? What the fuck are those. The leader was Kokomi who we all knew Hoyo would never have the balls to kill because she’s a) a marketable waifu and b) not a mentor figure. We had Gorou who was just dogboy. I guess there was Ayaka but she isn’t actually part of Kokomi’s army (same with Ayato) there’s also Yoimiya but these are characters who the story would not benefit from killing. 

Head Commandant was different. I didn’t see his death from a million miles away (though I probably should have ngl) but then again when he was introduced he was kind of an asshole. I think PGR’s visual novel format helps its characterization a lot, not that Genshin’s format is bad, Dunyarazad is one of my favourite NPCs and she was characterized just fine. But the way they describe Head Commandant just tells you everything, same with the way he speaks. 

“Fluorescent lights form the outline an elderly man in the air. He is wearing the same standard issued commandant uniform. Every meticulous pleat is as stern and upright as his expression. The man’s eyes are slightly clouded with age, but his posture remains upright like that of an unyielding pine” (Echo Aria) 

Immediately he’s like the token “god damn it kids these days” conservative asshole who softens up to the main character. Except, we see him talking to one of the humans around his age who was left behind on Earth during the Punishing Virus’ outbreak. And then he’s not just asshole old man, he’s asshole old man who’s seen shit and wants to keep pushing forward in this horrible war without exploiting children (cough cough Nikola) That second part (not the children thing) is driven home during Evernight beat when he tells everyone to evacuate so he can finish the job. 

We don’t see it obviously, but we are given every grisly detail about his death as the Punishing virus turns him inside out. How he’s sweating blood and looses feeling in his limbs, yet still pushes forward to try and save as many people as he can. 

I took quite a few screenshots so that I don’t fuck up my facts 

But you don’t need to read all of that to know this man’s conviction

These two screenshots are all you need. 

The only medal he needs is the blood drying on his chest to prove that he lived and died as a soldier. 

Though I wouldn’t say his death made me cry, it didn’t have to. It hit hard. He was characterized for Echo Aria, and died in Evernight beat, and from his death on, everything goes to shit and the reality of what war is dawns on the player. 

I say this having watched 1917 and Saving Private Ryan; I think PGR displays the reality of war really well. This is some heavy fucking baggage and not for “spicing up your character with some trauma’s sake.” It’s really part of the story. Welcome to PGR, the baggage is free but at what cost :’) 

#I want to talk more about how character death is handled in media but I think I’ve essayed myself out #pgr #Punishing gray raven #again no hate to hoyo #I fully believe that Honkai’s story is amazing and Genshin story has been amazing barring again Inazuma and the little bits before it tbh

[motelpearl]

I'm watching star trek voyager so I'm gonna put my thoughts below & keep adding onto it (yes I'm going from tng -> voy & skipping ds9 for now at least even though I feel like I'm missing out on context bc trekkies seem to hold ds9 as like the gold standard of star trek but I watched a couple episodes & I just couldnt dig it)

the relationship of kes & neelix is so bewildering to me like what does she see in him like hes not even a bad person but he's just a lot dumber than her & has that "where's my hug" type guy energy also he's like so old not even in a sugar daddy way just in a boomer way like doesn't kes's species only live 9 years

I hope tom paris goes through some character development because as of right now he's soooooo annoying like referring to chakotay as an "indian" all the time......ugh one would hope we wouldn't still be doing that in the 25th century also I knew from seeing online discourse that chakotay's writing is stereotypical in a well intentioned but still badly-aged way & it's not ruining the show for me but whenever he closes his eyes & the panflute music kicks in I just sigh deeply

the vidiians are fucking terrifying bruh its giving a cure for wellness

I HATE HISTORICAL REVISIONISM IM SORRY BUT IT WILL NEVER FEEL COMFORTABLE TO ME EVEN IF THEYRE DEAD. NOT THE MARK TWAIN RPF IN TNG NOT THE AMELIA EARHART RPF HERE IT JUST AINT RIGHT

OKAY MAYBE I WAS WRONG WHEN I SAID NEELIX ISNT W BAD GUY BC WHAT DO YOU MEAN KES IS A PREPUBESCENT 2 YEAR OLD

not the voyager defeating an alien by becoming submissive & breedable (of course the voyager has a blue plasma trail & pronouns....)

JANEWAY WANTS CHAKOTAYS DICK SO BAD PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER GIRL WHERES YOUR DECORUM

tuvoks hairline is so fascinating to me

not belanna being lowkey in love with chakotay too & then them showing his bare ass in the next episode....rick berman was on this man like a fat kid on a smartie

FUCK THE KAZON UGLYASS BEASTS

seska needs to be in jail bruh

I SWEAR TO GOD IVE WATCHED ENOUGH STAR TREK THAT I CAN TELL JUST BY THE CAMERA ANGLES WHEN AN EPISODE IS DIRECTED BY JONATHAN FRAKES LIKE HE'S ALWAYS DOING WEIRD DUTCH ANGLE TRACKING SHOTS & STUFF LIKE THAT

so I heard that threshold is like the worst episode in the entirely of star trek & after watching it I honestly dont think it's that bad like sure it's an implausible premise but it's not as bad as like code of honor or sub rosa

NOT BEEF BEING A Q....TWO OF MY WEIRD NERDY INTERESTS ARE OVERLAPPING ALSO THE CAST LIST OF THIS EPISODE SCARES & EXCITES ME. FUCK Q SEXIST ASS MOTHERFUCKER FIRST HE CREEPS ON THAT TEENAGE Q THEN HE KILLS ALYSSA OGAWAS BABY NOW HE SAYS WOMEN CANT BE CAPTAINS & SEXUALLY HARRASSES JANEWAY. DIE.

I always wonder how they get the alien makeup on babies like in this episode with the baby with horns on its head & that one episode of tng where they showed baby borg. also the concept of teleporting a baby out of the womb for an easier delivery is hilarious

tuvok & neelix toxic yaoi?

bruh if this episode is setting up the possibility of suder just letting out his violent impulses one last time & going scorched earth on the kazon & the doctor helping him by means of holographic skulduggery & then tom paris showing up with a cavalry of fucking talaxians to lay the smack down I'm gonna laugh so hard

TOM PARIS FINALLY STARTING TO REDEEM HIMSELF

THE PORTRAYAL OF 1990S EARTH IS SO FUCKING FUNNY TUVOK WEARING A DURAG TO COVER HIS EARS PLEASEEEEE

time travel episodes stress me out so much though like PLEASEEE put the tricorder away. not belanna & chakotay getting kidnapped by hillbillies omg the shots where the guy kicks chakotay & then belanna kicks the guy were edited so weirdly

starling reminds me so much of elon musk

is the alien possessing kes bisexual?

too bad q got to die of old age instead of janeway giving him the electric chair

janeway gettin her lara croft on we love that

why cant vulcans just jack off during pon farr like I thought hand stuff was their whole thing

this isnt voyager specific but shuttlecrafts should really have seatbelts like the amount of times people randomly get injured because turbulence throws them out of their seats....WE SOLVED THIS ISSUE 500 YEARS AGO

not tuvok building the Doohickey

why are they leaving harry unattended on a borg cube WHY DOES STARFLEET NOT MANDATE THE BUDDY SYSTEM HES JUSTA LITTLE GUY & NOW HE'S GOING TO GET ASSIMILATED

WHAT THE JESUS IS THAT

awww bless kes I knew she would leave & I was worried she would die but I'm glad she left on a lighter note

"welcome to the worst day of my life" hi my name is belanna dark'ness dementia raven torres (yes I know losing the warp core is serious but that line was giving "we live in a society")

DID HARRY & SEVEN HAVE SEX. BRUH

eugh I wrote in my other star trek thread that borg assimilation is one thing that just gives me such deep discomfort like even though the borg gradually become sort of overdone the concept of assimilation becomes increasingly terrifying regardless like seven's backstory just creeps me out so much like the concept of her parents just being these sort of rebellious scientists who thought they were gonna make some great discovery out in the delta quadrant (sidenote I hope it gets explained more how exactly they got out there like did they go through a wormhole too?) & just stumbling upon these unimaginable horrors that they had no chance of fight & having to watch as their naivete & hubris destroyed their childs life & everyone they previously knew had no idea where they went or what happened to them EUGH ITS SO CHILLING

wait how did they get the warp core back was I not paying attention

tuvok getting his gilf certificate in the mail we love to see it

species 8472 are terrifying even though the CGI is so low-poly

okay this is a pretty pointless criticism but it annoys me how all the female characters wear heeled boots & on that note the grey turtleneck under the uniforms looks so ugly like post-s3 TNG had the best looking uniforms & this isnt coming from a biased place just bc tng is my favourite (also the movie era uniforms that were red & had random white straps were SO UGLYYYY & DUMB LIKE HOW CAN YOU TELL ANYONES RANK OR DEPARTMENT IF THEYRE ALL RED)

I hate the way the borg queens spine swings around like a cat's tail

opening the episode with harry kim getting his tiddies sucked....ON PRIMETIME TV? IN THE 90S?

I just know that anti-alien-sex law got put into place because of riker

since like late season 3 I'm finally starting to understand why trekkies say janeway has sexual tension with literally everyone

a vulcan shedding a single tear when hearing an artificial lifeform perform a piece of classical music? NOW WHERE HAVE I SEEN THAT BEFORE......*taps chin pensively*

tuvok & neelix detoxified yaoi?

BARCLAY & TROI YASSS

NEVERMIND NOT BARCLAY BACK ON HIS HOLODECK BULLSHIT

not the space Irish again (also from what I've seen irish people are apparently really offended by the irish reunification of 2024 meme <\\\3)

if janeway were alive in 2024 she'd be on tumblr making posts like "I need to get sent to the seaside for my health"

I didnt expect the episode "virtuoso" to suddenly take such a resonant turn but in the age of generative ai it's strangely prophetic

the double whammy of seeing jeffrey combs & the rock as the guest stars in this episode

I got injured the other day & have been pretty much bedbound because of it & whenever a scene takes place in sickbay I think "spare dermal regenerator 🤲"

they bring back kes just to give her makeup that makes her look like Christopher Walken <\\\3

ugh I love troi shes such a queen

why does the borg queen look like this -> 🥺

honestly I'm kinda sad that I'm on the final season

poor tuvok man first he almost gets assimilated, then he gets mind controlled, now hes just trying to fuck but he's thwarted by political tensions

I kind of want to rewatch st: picard since I know seven's backstory now & have the context of the borg's decline like I saw trekkies saying janeway "handled them" but now I know the exact circumstances

omg I know chakotay & seven somehow end up together (at least for a while) when the show ends bc I've had so much of voyager spoiled (tbh that seems to the usual reason i watch shows, I get a bunch of it spoiled & then I'm like "but how do those dots connect") anyway that literally makes no sense bc I can't think of a time theyve ever interacted since seven became a character but like chakotay & janeway were RIGHT THERE THEYVE HAD TENSION SINCE SEASON 1 IM NOT EVEN A SHIPPER CAUSE IDC THAT MUCH BUT IT WAS RIGHT THERE (& I read the wikipedia page for each episode after I watch them cause idk I like learning behind the scenes stuff & in the "reception" section of each page theres always something like "fans were disappointed that janeway & chakotay did not bang like screen doors in this episode") LIKE THE FANS WANTED IT IT WAS A LOGICAL COURSE OF ACTION IT WAS SET UP SINCE SEASON 1 & THE WRITERS CHICKENED OUT. WHY THOUGH?

noooo belanna dont do eugenics ur so sexy aha

POOR TUVOK BRUH SEASON 7 IS JUST A YEAR OF TUVOK SUFFERING

THE DOCTOR MAKING PHANTOM OF THE OPERA REFERENCES....DID HE JUST BECOME MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER (even though he pronounces "fantome" entirely wrong)

"she's suffering from dysphoria syndrome" janeway trans?

I know this show was made in the late 90s/early 2000s but nothing hammers that point home like seeing the same exact fishing rod toy I had as a kid in this episode that aired a month after I was conceived

just when I thought the Q couldnt get more annoying....one of them is a teenage boy

NOT SOME WRITERS BARELY DISGUISED FOOT FETISH SEEPING IN.....I COULD NEVER BE AN ACTRESS

one thing that has never stopped annoying me is the fact that we literally see naomi wildman be born onscreen & then she goes from newborn -> 9 year old over the course of like 2 seasons

okay I finished it & I'll need more time to collect my thoughts but the basic idea is: I liked the show but I feel like there was lots of possibilities that went unexplored but one thing I especially liked is that unlike TNG (which is still my favourite trek) the female characters got storylines that didnt just revolve around interpersonal stuff (ie. family/romance) but actually got to use their specific skills

but now I'm rewatching the first couple episodes of because I honestly had no idea what was going on (I didn't even realize the doctor was a hologram until like halfway through season 1 & I didn't realize tuvok was spying on the maquis until like season 3) & one thing I have noticed is that NEELIX WAS SO FUCKING UNHINGED IN THE FIRST EPISODE LIKE HE COMES OFF LIKE HEATH LEDGER AS THE JOKER IN THAT SCENE WHERE HE VIDEOCALLS VOYAGER & STRUTTING AROUND THE TRANSPORT ROOM IN HIS PIMP COAT & ALL THE WATER STUFF LIKE WHO IS THIS MAN also belanna's makeup was so bad I'm sorry <\\\3

#motelpearl #star trek

[lansplaining]

Hi, I followed you because you have a lot to say about jin guangyao and I enjoy reading it. When I first watched cql I thought he was an enetertaining and satisfying villain both to watch and also to watch being taken down in the end. Such drama! Much style! Then I read a lot of meta about him and watched the show again and realised how much he was being set up as a villain without there being much truth there. The more I read/thought about this, the more interesting and sympathetic I found him.

I am still reading more and more points which point out ways in which the ending and jin guangyao's portrayal is misleading - like the post today pointing out that nmj didn't know that jgy had a part in his death, for example. nmj apparently just hated jgy by the end of his life and that was why his fierce corpse kept attacking jgy. I am a little skeptical about that last part - it may be true but I can't help but feel that the hatred was pretty equally shared around which makes blaming any one party pretty pointless.

I really enjoy jgy as a character. I also enjoy nmj and jzx (who you were vague blogging about today) and tbh I love pretty much the whole cast minus a few obvious dickbags like jgs. Before I take what these posts have to say at face value, I guess I wanted to know, how much do you dislike nmj and jzx? Neither the nmj post nor your jzx post come across as though they are characters you (or op) like. I personally love them and as much as I want to learn about jgy and see different sides, I don't really want to read a lot of negative content about characters I love - especially if it's not written in a way that is particularly balanced.

I hope this does not come across as impolite or disrespectful. I think I am feeling a bit defensive but I don't want to be rude or for you to feel upset or angry. The obvious thing to do is for me to say I should agree to disagree and just unfollow if it's too much but that always feels so drastic to me - maybe I am misreading/reading in bad faith!

<3 <3 <3

first of all, i definitely think JGY also hates NMJ by the end. absolutely mutual hatred there, stemming from a range of reasons, justified and otherwise.

i definitely reblog some stuff from people who actively dislike NMJ, so I wouldn't blame you at all for unfollowing me if you don't want to see that! i actually really like him-- i watched CQL first and totally bought it when the Wens lied and said he was dead and was really sad! i think his structural role is so interesting, and in many ways the story only works if he is both a guy you don't know much about, but think is pretty cool from what you do know. then you find out things that paint him in a far less flattering light, but there's a kind of tragedy in that.

i actually quite like jin zixuan as well. again, CQL first, i loved his moment with the swords at evil wen summer camp, this unexpected proof of how his pride could be a good thing, and in fact had some courage to go along with it. i was so so shocked and sad when he died!

what makes me occasionally get salty about NMJ and JZX both (and again, that totally happens, and i don't blame you at all for not wanting to see that) is honestly over-exposure to fanon takes on them, which i feel are overly simplistic and smooth over the things that make them interesting in favor of making them just really nice, stand-up guys. for NMJ in particular, i think you'll often see JGY fans going extra hard on all the things that are bad about NMJ because they/we feel like we're always implicitly pushing back against fandom's love of him with reminders that he did bad things, too.

the JZX thing is just a total personal pet peeve honestly-- i think he's fun and interesting because he's probably not the nicest or most generous person, but he is ride or die for this one lady and, by extension, sometimes her family. but if he was out here wanting to become besties with jin guangyao, he had a whole year+ to do that and... did not do that. that's okay!! he's a more interesting character for being an imperfect guy!!

my favorite characters are lan wangji, jin guangyao, and jiang cheng-- i like my little guys to be an absolute mess and a bit mean and to not make good choices. throw in the desire to-- not exactly defend JGY, but to resist the parts of fandom that paint him as a 2D villain, and the accompanying attempts to discuss/remind people of the ways those characters hurt JGY/are maybe not such good people because of how they treated him, things can absolutely take on a tone where it seems like characters like NMJ and JZX are being disparaged. but for me, i like them more for being imperfect.

(i am kinda Actually Mad at huaisang though)

#ask answered

[actual-bill-potts]

hi! i just wanted to drop by and say, i think your last prompt fic rewired the chemistry in my brain. i've been rotating that interaction between finarfin and olwe in my mind for hours now. that's probably the best take i saw on them & and on why finarfin didn't return immediately after the first kinslaying. that was amazing and your writing is wonderful

also i'm in love with your "and all our towers cast down" fic, with your portrayal of finrod and his trauma, it's honestly fascinating

hope you're having a good day/night <3

omg tysm for this incredibly kind message!!!! it literally made my entire day. tbh i didn't expect much of a response to that ficlet bc it was such a struggle to write - Aegnor and Angrod are not characters I think about often and Alqualondë is so odd narratively to me bc it feels like it should be a major turning point for everyone but it kind of...isn't? So this was my best attempt at making it make sense in my own mind. I need to write a full meta post on the subject soon haha to put my thoughts in order. I'm so glad you liked it!! Though I don't really write about them much, Olwë and Finarfin are such interesting characters to me so I'm glad they came through properly.

And thank u so so much!! i have absolutely adored writing towers, it's so much fun to explore the character dynamics and really dive into leithian and make everyone's choices make more sense in my own brain. in my mind finrod's death is really what sealed the doom of nirnaeth, cuz politically fingon lost so much with finrod. so i am really looking forward to exploring the ramifications of his survival and how the events of tol-in-gaurhoth affected him. i really see his role in leithian as him finally snapping and being like I'm going to help this person I love no matter the cost. I've always headcanoned that a big part of the reason he went to middle earth was to support both the nolofinwions and his own people who loved feanor. and in middle-earth he's had to make the hard pragmatic choice so many times, between splitting from turgon pretty much forever, letting his brothers go to the front lines, sending balan's people to the front lines, constantly smoothing things over between the Fëanorions, the nolofinwions, the doriathrim, the bëorians, and the laiquendi, and at the point of leithian he's just seen so much of that work burst into flames around him and he basically pulls a fingolfin. he's like fuck what happens to me, fuck what happens to my kingdom: thingol is insane, two of my brothers are dead, pretty much all of balan's people that i worked so hard to help are dead except this one guy who is determined to go on a suicide mission. so im gonna help balan's descendant and no one can stop me.

But now he's survived and he's going to have to reckon with...all of that...with fingon who just lost his father to a similar impulse, and with orodreth, and with himself. and of course sauron's mind games didn't help him any. so he's in a pretty bad headspace right now and is going to have to deal with a lot of the losses he's just been shoving away and not looking at up until now.

Anyway sorry for the ramble! I'm just very passionate abt this project lol.

Also, I know you like Finarfin, and this ask made literally my whole entire day, so here's a Finarfin+Finrod snippet for you! I hope you enjoy <3

That morning, Arafinwë's eldest son does not so much walk into the dining room as swim. He is encased in layers upon layers of swishing fabric that billow before and after him, making it necessary to sway carefully to avoid tripping; his hair, loosed and straightened, falls nearly to his feet, and keeps tangling about his knees; and he looks inordinately proud of himself.

Arafinwë glances at Eärwen in bewilderment, wondering if wardrobe-related madness is a symptom among the Returned that he has forgotten about. She looks just as confused as he feels, if significantly more amused.

"Good morning, Finrod!" he says aloud. "Er - is there a special occasion?"

Finrod moves carefully to his chair, then sweeps his massive skirts behind him, swiftly moves the chair out, and sinks into it with a whoosh. He looks up cheerfully.

"Good morning, Atya, Ammë!" he says, beaming. "No special occasion - this is cultural. It is the latest in Vanyarin fashion!"

"Is it?" Arafinwë asks weakly. "It seems - difficult to move in."

"Oh, yes," Finrod responds, grinning even wider. The effect, in conjunction with the sparkling, billowing skirts and tangled hair, is nearly blinding. "That's the point, you see! It is intended to emulate the care with which the Valar must move, encased in the forms they take to walk among us. I thought the idea was fascinating. And the fabrics they use are so beautiful!"

"Ah - that is indeed interesting," Arafinwë responds, wondering who among his mother's people he will have to take aside later for a quick word on not telling Finrod about Vanyar fads. "Surely it is not intended to go out in...?"

"Oh, but of course it is!" Finrod says. "I plan to go out to market as soon as we are done breakfasting, to experience the full effect. Would you like to come? It could be quite interesting."

"Alas, your mother and I must hold court soon after breakfast, and cannot join," Arafinwë says without much regret.

"You must tell us about the experience, though!" Eärwen chimes in, sounding as if she is suppressing laughter.

"Ah, very well," Finrod says cheerfully; and after he has breakfasted he does indeed rise carefully - barely snatching his garment away from the remnants of jelly on his plate before it can be stained - and swim out of the room.

Eärwen and Arafinwë look at each other and burst into laughter.

"The skirts!" Eärwen gasps, "The folds! It will take him an hour to exit the palace!"

"Oh dear," Arafinwë says at last, wiping his eyes. "Oh dear. Was he like this before?"

"He was!" Eärwen exclaims. "Do you remember, he used to creep into your father's closet and try on his best robes? Then he would swan about the halls, trying not to trip."

"I had forgotten," Arafinwë admits, a smile curving his lips, "but you are quite right. He always did love beautiful clothing. I only hope that his pursuit of high Vanyarin fashion will not send him home with a broken collarbone."

"It is so good to have our son home," Eärwen says abruptly. "Our children gave me such joy. I had nearly forgotten."

Arafinwë reaches across the table to take her hand. "It is," he agrees. The image of Finrod leaving the room, having to angle his hips to fit through the door and bundling his hair about himself so as not to trip, floats across his mind and he chuckles again. "Do you remember when bustles were all the rage, and Artanis got caught on a turn of the stairway? She was furious."

Eärwen's laughter is a welcome peal, more light of heart than he had heard in years. "As I recall, it was Finrod who convinced her of their merits in the first place."

"She did not take his advice on fashion again, after that!" Arafinwë agrees. He cannot stop smiling as he begins to gather up the breakfast things and neaten his own robes. It feels as if his heart is singing within him: Our son is home. He is home. He is home!

#my writing #finarfin #earwen #finrod #silm fic #nice people saying nice things #the silmarillion