#i just no longer feel like im allowed to

[gunkbaby]

gang im not back but this is urgent.

so one of my favourite bands is pulp but i can’t listen to them anymore so does anyone have any similar music recs?

im having something of a mental breakdown rn and my other fave music is not doing it rn. like i still love my other music but thats not what i wanna listen to rn so um. if anyone has any similar recs pls lmk????

music is normally what calms me down and it’s very important to me, so im kind of freaking out a bit lol…

#me living off of song recs rn #i just wanna listen to pulp theyre my comfort band like dude what do i do #gunk #also the only reason im on tumbli is bc i have left other social media lmao #ppl who send me song recs my beloved #dont ask why i cant listen to pulp just dont #no they didnt do anything wrong #i just no longer feel like im allowed to #dont ask #how tf am i supposed to find something to replace pulp its fucking pulp jesus #literally my comfort song and i cant listen anymore urgh #anyway #vent in tags #kind of #music gunk #idk what i do when my dad listens to it??? #i feel so guilty man

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

Heroes of Millennium (HoM) AU

Act 1: What was left behind. - Part 1 (page 1-5) -here- -> Part 2

#heroes of millennium au #hom au #danny phantom #dp #jake long #american dragon jake long #adjl #YEEEEEE BABEY WE GETTING DROPPED RIGHT THE FREACK IN!! NO LONG INTROS JUST STRAIGHT UP MEAT HERE BABIES #CAN YOU TELL IM EXCITED EVEN IF I STIL YET TO ACTUALLY DRAW PART 2??? only rough sketch draft still but fuk it #i have 40 pages of rough comic im allowed to be excited of having that much??? never drew comics for shit before #i feel a need to apologize for my jake's dragon 'redesign' but i actually like it so i wont lol #i would apologize for falsely saying i would post it yesterday haha i overestimated my speed and typography took much longer than i hoped.. #still prolonged 48 hours is better than not posting at all ;D #if you are confused and have questions dont worry its by design (sorta) lol. everything will be answered wit time...long time

[1980ssunflower]

💫STARCHILD💫

Slight design update ive been putting off for Ozzy Kozmic so that he represents current me a bit better. Would love to hear what you guys think of this update and if you prefer this design or the original

#self ship community #self insert #self insert art #s/i:💛spaceship superstar⭐ #my art #i was debating on giving him my blonde hair highlights but that would have been overkill then my design wouldnt look possible for the show #at least on a main character design i just feel the design its at is like. as much detail as im allowed to give him tbh GHFDJS #hes always had space themeing but i hadnt stuck w him being represented by stars until later #then i thought of this little design to replace the saturn and i liked this a lot better 👍 #also in general longer hair because i like my longer hair #and when i first designed book 4 ozzy i was still just starting to grow out my hair #and the tattered shirt is also for my current metal style #anyways i might end up going back to the og book 4 ozzy if i feel this isnt working for me #i want to try to draw this new version w some expression examples to get a real feel for it along w interacting w m & r

[hecksupremechips]

To also go off of the point about cop!akihiko being annoying to me I gotta say that Akihiko as a character is very hit or miss with me because of how different adaptations of p3 will subtly alter his character. I felt like in portable with the femc route he comes off best, he’s a bit of a hothead with an obsession with fighting, but he’s overcompensating his strength so he doesn’t feel as weak and helpless as he’s been in many situations. He defines strength in a very literal sense, being physically strong and using that to protect others, but he’s lacking in emotional strength as a result. And in particular in this version I think he’s portrayed as a bit more goofy and sweet in a sense. He cares deeply for you as a friend and leader but he struggles with finding the words to describe how he feels. Hes kinda naive and gullible and has trouble noticing his surroundings. He has no clue what he’s doing but his heart is in the right place. I think he just comes off much more human and he has flaws, many many flaws, and that makes him all the more lovable

But then in other adaptations and spinoffs it’s like. They look at him through some hetero male bullshit filter and seem to view him as a lot more admirable and cool. Like in p3 dancing, theres literally an event where he’s talking with Junpei and Minato and they’re gushing about how perfect Akihiko is and how he doesn’t seem to have ANY flaws at all. And it becomes clear his inability to flirt with women just gets added as a way to make sure you, the Straight Male Player, don’t get insecure being next to such Perfection because at the end of the day, you’re still more charming and sexy than he will ever be because you’re better. It’s a “flaw” that’s only there to shield a sensitive male ego. And then in arena I mean, come on. He’s overly beefy and is a damn cop and travels the world and loves Protein™️ it’s his whole personality and he’s so clearly meant to be seen as hot but like, he’s just some shitty hetero male fantasy. Hes what the writers deem to be a Perfect Man that every guy wishes he could be, but don’t worry he’s still bad with women so you don’t gotta worry about him stealing your property- I mean, girlfriend!

And though I’ve not played reload and don’t really plan to anytime soon, judging from his social episodes they seem to have a similar problem. Akihiko comes off as a lot less approachable, like the year age gap is just too much of a barrier to get to know him properly. And he doesn’t have that dorky sweetness he has in portable, he’s just that perfect hetero male fantasy guy and don’t you fucking worry- he still has his protein powder with him

#persona #persona 3 #akihiko sanada #does this make sense like i feel like im going crazy cuz okay #akihiko isnt in my top 3 characters (shinji ken and fuuka lol) but hes teetering on the edge hes number 4! #i really loved him in portable i worked my ass off to get his social link i had him on my team the entire game #i found him really cute and endearing and hilarious but then like i played dancing #and er well i never got all his events cuz im bad at that game but i noticed that subtle difference #and then watching reload clips i felt it again i was like good god i hate this guy i wanna beat him up #which is so weird since hes one of my favorite characters so like what the hell is that #but i really think it is just this filter hes being presented with like when hes supposed to be a love interest #hes allowed to be more flawed and adorably pathetic and sensitive #like hes the one who wants to do the protecting but you end up protecting him you know? #so yeah this is what i mean when i say that if any straight person looks at akihiko sanada i will melt them with lasers #my mitsuru rant is a lot longer but its very similar just that ughh disgusting filter shes presented through I HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH #i think having kotone as the protagonist fixes most problems so i consider that the solution lol but i think Aki not getting a real social #link is a major disservice and creates that super annoying upperclassman divide that makes him unapproachable and idolized

[doomedclockworkdotmp3]

ahaaa. redraw of this oldass drawing

#art #my art #digital art #digital illustration #fanart #gintama fanart #sakata ginko #sakata gintoki #gintama #this took me longer than it shouldve #what can i say im lazy as fuck #idk if ive said it here before but it always bares repeating: none of my art is finished im just finished with all my art #i dont go into any piece with like a vision of it im goin purely off vibes n i stop when i think theres nothin else i can do other than jus #startin over #so im not like suuuper happy w this but i do like it better than the original #ur allowed to like the og better but dont tell me bc itll make me sad lmao #haaated the hair & face on the og & i am satisfied w both now #also the lil thing of the pattern was sooo fun to draw i almost put way too much fuckin time into that i actually feel like i did anyways #but im srs its so fun #the strawberry was a pain i made a no strawb vers n i kinda like it more but. i gotta post the strawb version #i put too much effort into the strawberry. and yet. not enough. basically i gave up ✌ #its what i do best #um. i might make more gintama art. sorry lol #ik i said it like in the tags on my last post the lil sneak of this piece but like sorry if u followed me for any fandom in particular #i lure u in w 1 good piece for ur fav media & then i disappear for months & come back w a completely different fandom #bait wait and switch #anyways lmfao thats the post

[labyrinth-guard]

After 9-ish hours of painting, playing with Krita features, and listening to long horror related video essays, I have completed what I consider, my best piece to date Honestly I am just so fucking proud of this, I just felt like drawing my favorite 80s horror icons with some headcanon designs and then suddenly I was practicing a bunch of stuff I needed to like Shading, color variation, and backgrounds

#spideer'sart #myart #freddy krueger #the nightmare on elm street #jason voorhees #friday the 13th #ash williams #evil dead #honestly I was also getting imposter syndrome the whole time i was working on it #its such a huge improvement on what I was making on ibis #I was so worried cause it feels like just a few months of traditional art and a small amount of practice on krita shouldnt give me- #the giant leap in improvement that it did #probably also helps that my canvas size is no longer limited to such an extent as it was on Ibis x #anyways ignoring my proud ass I think Freddy needs to be creepier and I love spiders so the best choice was clear #ohh ohh and I limited each of them to a 3rd of the color wheel which i think turned out really good #yknow what im not going to apologize for tooting my own horn #im allowed to have this one time to boast. then ill go back to undercrediting myself

[darabeatha]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔?

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐧 . Devotion, that is the name of your love. Your love is an act of worship. Your love is like witnessing the birth of Venus, like seeing the sun come alive, or the stars fall. When you love, it is because you have found God in a lover. You have found the meaning of life itself in the heart of the one you adore. They are everything to you; they are your Maker, and you are their lamb, their flock, their first and holiest worshipper. When you fall in love, it is as a baptism. You are born anew, made a believer in the divinity of the one you love most. Being loved by you is an ascension; it is holy and golden. It is all-consuming, and all-faithful, loyal as the dog. You will never, ever bite back.

Tagged by: @cyneris (THANK U FOR TAGGING ME IN YUREEEEE!) Tagging: @nulltune ; @ardenssolis ; @corrchoigilt ; @kirakiras ; @richfsh ; @resolutepath ; @dayrisen ; @curmoritor ; @caemthe ; @phantoania ; @knghted ; @soverina ; @vulpesse ; @apotelesmati

#;ooc #ooc #;b.arghest #;headcanons #headcanons #OOOOOUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHH #i think their lover i s the lamb- COUGHS i mean no more #devotion.... it fits considering how highly she holds knighthood; it feels fitting #and love being such an important matter to her #im a big fan of her character development post lb where she's summonable as a s.ervant #no longer bound by a cruel destiny; fighting out of sheer force of will against a fate she chooses -she- does not want #big fan of characters that fight for their spirits and their fate #anyways i love that she loves love #a lot of time female characters tend to get shamed for aspiring love;; but she can be strong and also want love! and desire to get married #and dream to wear a wedding dress! ; she doesnt need to conform to this strict image of female character that can -only- #-be seen as strong by kicking asses or stuff #or shouting it; u just see it in her presence and her nobility (besides the fact she is also physically strong)but i like that theres more #and well not just female characters I mean for any character in general; they are allowed to like soft things; to want love

[misssophiespice]

.

#im really going to miss this house #it is ultimately a shell of my mum though i haven’t lived properly in years #this is the house she died in now rather than a place of joy #i don’t know if ill ever feel a true sense of home ever again #im gonna miss these yellow walls and the way i felt when i painted them #we went from black to yellow teenage soph you didn’t realise how poetic that was at the time but it means the world now #i just wanna yell ‘you made it through kid it doesn’t stay dark forever’ but i don’t fully believe that right now #the through part isn’t over yet sorry love life has a way of reminding you #i feel like i don’t belong anywhere now #how do you move to live for yourself when you were the soul person reliable for a whole human for 6 straight years #i was literally 19 making medical decisions and dictating doctors notes into layman’s terms for mum to understand that’s a lot #i don’t know how to prioritise myself i haven’t been allowed to for nearly a decade #it’s 2am and im just staring at walls that won’t be mine for much longer #i think my brain thinks it can delay the moving date because maybe the time won’t pass if i stay awake

[teobug]

Barely slept because my very old kitty is sick and this might Be It for her since we do not have the money to take her in and even if we did, it is more likely than not a complication of kidney failure which we have known to be an inevitable end for a while now

#i am feeling. hmmm. not good #she's like 16 to 17 years old at this point. ive had her my sntire teenhood to adult life #she is small and frail and sneezing and exhausted and i dont blame her #its like age hit her all at once so fast #i am so tired and sad and i dont know how to. process or think about it #how do I think about the idea of her life coming to an end. how do i consider if i need to allow the unthinkable #if her suffering is too great for her little body how will i know. how will i know she needs to go #im so scared of making her hurt or suffer longer than she needs to but im also scared of taking away her life out of selfish grief #she deserves a kind and gentle death when the time comes but i dont know how to make that happen for her or when and im scared #sorry if you read this far im just. exhausted and. scared and sad #i dont want to lose another staple of my life so soon after my grandma #vent #delete later

[designernishiki]

it really means the world to me that little 12 year old daigo mentions that kiryu used to hang out with him a lot, meaning a teenage kiryu (and likely a teenage nishiki as well) basically babysat an even younger daigo on the reg for some amount of time. i wonder what shenanigans they got up to

#if im remembering correctly i think they said something about going to the arcade but yeah other than that #they’re so… different. I feel like kiryu would try to teach him a sport and daigo would fucking hate it #unless he could manage to change the rules around so that he can hit nishiki with the ball a bunch of times #and I mean it’s not like kiryu would be helping him with schoolwork #like let’s be real here #all jokes aside I imagine it really meant a lot to daigo to have someone treat him like a normal kid and encourage doing #stupid normal kid things instead of whatever his other caretakers had him doing #kiryu (especially at that point) is just a big child at heart in his own way- probably more than daigo was ever really allowed to be- #so it’d be a nice oasis from the cold strict monotony of daigo’s typical life. #that and kiryu (and probably even more so nishiki) is actually somewhat physically affectionate unlike probably anyone else in daigo’s life #and isn’t afraid to like. ruffle his hair or pat him a little too hard on the back or what have you #man those two have known each other basically their entire lives huh??? #like damn it’s just now really hitting me that they’ve known each other like. at least 35-40 years? #could be longer depending on if kazama introduced them prior to kiryu becoming a yakuza and all that #kiryu’s just sort of been. always there in daigo’s life. that’s sorta wild #anyway time for me to stop talking #rambling #daigo #kiryu

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#tfw u spend the day being catastrophically depressed then u remember how kush1na uzumak1 is treated by the plot of #narut0 and u get so fucking angry that u stop thinking abt how miserable u r for 2hrs as u furiously draw out an idea #it makes me so fucking mad. but like in a way that fun bc its like who cares its not that serious #and when i get depressed i just like. i dont give a fuck abt anything. there is a film between me and everything and nothing can touch me #except apparently my fucking insane feelings about narut0. like im genuinely so embarrassing when ppl irl make the mistake of talking abt #narut0 to me irl. like i get SO excited. i move my arms a lot and stamp my feet and just get real enthusiastic and my voice goes all weird #and i cant get my thoughts straight bc i have so so so much to say. which is like fine. its just embarrassing to me personally #bc i kno i tent to stay on the subjects im interested in for way longer than most ppl would probably enjoy #and after i watched star trek into darkness in hs i was like at my peak star trek phase and i was talking a mile a minute #and then my sister was like: y is your voice all weird? and it was like she slapped me in the face. slapped me thru time. u bitch 😭 #this is y im not allowed to enjoy things 😭 also bc im annoying abt it. ugh. anyway. point is i got so mad abt the misogyny of kishimoto #that i forgot how fucking awful i was feeling for a minute. so thank u for hating women so much u fucking bastard lol #when will i post the idea im planning? who tf knows. its gonna take. well idk how long itll take #unrelated

[ev1lmorty]

feel v mean calling out soecific meta but im still kindve fuming over a post i saw w a bit too much engagement a few months ago implying erick couldve never gotten physical w emorty bc if he had emorty wouldve not put up w him as long or wouldve easily been able to defend themself actually it was a poll like. rallying abt what kind of abuse everyone thought emorty had endured like placing bets on how badly rick brutalized him. have we lost the fucking plot lol

#the way u can tell a lot of meta treats morty abuse as some sort of voyeuristic hobby #god i have bitched abt this on my priv so often i forget if ive said it here but i wish ppl could go #yeah i want to fuck rick n i acknowledge he is an abusive figure in his familys life or he didnt ysed to be this bad #but he allowed himself to let go of reality n become this person #like rick isnt just abusive in bed dominating ur reader in planned consenual dom settings. lol. anyways #idk i wuv rnm for having a portrayal of an abusive relationship i can actually fully relate to including the complicated codependent #feelings n having to navigate when things improve n the person gets better n what ur supposed to do when yr basically #left to pick the pieces up urself n how much of the tradegy behind their actions help n how much doesnt matter #im rambling now bc its v v late #also like enabling family when ur created in abuse it keeps going n going ppl no longer are able to acknowledge beths complicity #n jerrys apathy despite being the family scapegoat n at a similiar position to morty but its the quiet parent who tries to stay down #who enables it the most etc #summer loves her brother but gains something from the dynamic if she engages in the toxicity i could go #on #but it still comes back to rick.

[pallases]

how is it only tuesday 😭😭

#GUYS i cannot do this five days a week until summer’s end what the fuck. this is just way too much time to spend in one place #personal #the engineering chronicles #<- leigh joins the corporate world edition!! #also i have yet to find an appropriate pair of shoes that fits me which is definitely contributing to how horrifically long the days #feel. going shoe shopping tmrw hopefully so maybe after that it will be okay </3 #i somehow left all of my nice shoes that fit me at home apparently the only dressy shoes i have at my apartment are a pair of wedges that i #have affectionately dubbed my wood chipper shoes bc every time i wear them longer than an hour i want to throw them in a wood #chipper. obviously. anyway it turns out those aren’t allowed at my workplace bc only flat shoes are allowed. so then today my roommate #lent me a pair of her flats to wear instead but i think they are miraculously even worse than the wood chipper shoes. like the wood chipper #shoes Fit me technically it’s just the back of them are v stiff and never fail to tear up the back of my feet and also they’re raised #higher than is comfortable to wear for an hour let alone an entire day. but these just don’t fit at all my roommate told me they’re an 8 but #im 90% sure they’re actually a 7 based on a.) how swollen my toes are and b.) the WMS 7 that’s printed on the side of them. so. those #aren’t doing it for me either. idk what to wear tmrw 😭

[imperiuswrecked]

I've only ever asked 2 former online friends to not contact me after I wanted to go our separate ways due to irreconcilable differences and the first one circumvented my blocks at least 3 or 4 times to talk to me including sending me emails from 2 different email addresses after I refused to speak with them on tumblr/twitter/discord and each time I told them to leave me alone, that took place over a period of weeks.

The second one made a burner account to talk to me after I publicly asked them not to. I'm done talking. I'm done listening. I am allowed to restrict access to my person, my time, my emotions, my own mental health.

People need to respect boundaries others set down.

#hex if you're stalking this blog know that I m not a thing to be stolen away #im a fucking person who has their own damn opinions and no lan and i weren't friends #and you are ao focused on yourself that even when I tried to talk about how that made me feel #how neglected i felt our friendship became #you just kept circling back to you to your issues #well im no longer responsible for your emotional state #and I have trans friends who never treated me like you did #so im sorry #im sorry you feel bad #im sorry things arent going well for you #but your own actions and words are your responsibility and no one elses #I'm at my limit and I'm shutting down emotionally because I literally cannot deal with your paragraphs of text #if you day one more fucking time that I didn’t hear your concerns or didnt understanding you then I will fucking scream myself hoarse #we were friends for YEARS #YEARS #I am allowed to have a boundary #I am allowed to have a different opinion than you #Im allowed! #we have talked about the subject EXTENSIVELY #there is nothing left to say #fandom is a shared space so learn to share or don't #I have my own issues and shit going on in my life that I do not put on others bc its not their responsibility #so deal with yours #bc I need to deal with mine

[sonknuxadow]

breaking news whispers claws are real and arent just part of her gloves

#did we know this already i feel like we didnt know this already #idw sonic spoilers #im not complaining btw. i like the idea of most sonic characters having claws under their gloves #so i hope this is implying that all animals who have claws in real life also have them in sonic and that this isnt just a whisper thing #maybe whispers are visible even with gloves on because hers are longer than everyone elses #or maybe her gloves were specifically designed to allow her claws to poke through for some reason #idk

[br1ghtestlight]

been waking up later and later in the day but im not going to sleep any later?? just like sleeping for 13 hours straight like a goddamn idiot. Totally ruining the vibe too i dont want to wake up at 2pm

#i dont want to wake up at 10am either but like anything later than 12pm feels illegal..... im not allowed to wake up. In the afternoon #depression?? maybe #i dont want to be awake for TOO many hours during the day but i also dkjt want to be asleep longer than im awake in a 24 hour period #which i ALWAYS am #because the alternative (being awake and concious 14-16 hours a day) well that doesnt sound fun #maybe if i had something to do during the day other than just sleeping or sitting around or watching tv #i would be more excited about being awake and concious. But im not #and i wont be!!!!! #txt