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writing-in-the-impala · 5 months

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Secret Smokes (Part 6)

Pairing: Teacher! Remus Lupin x Reader

Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, teacher-student relationship (but like it’s all legal chill), SLOWburn we’re in for a long ride

Word Count: 3k

A/N: Hello I’m posting from my phone as I’m currently travelling so the formatting may be messed up. Sorry! It literally took me forever to do this formatting on my phone so this is the best you’re getting. I wanted to update this week not to leave you all hanging for a while again so deal with it. Love you tho!

| SERIES MASTER LIST (All chapters) |

Previous Chapter, Part 6, Next Chapter

The weekend came around quickly as it usually did when you had so much work, you didn't speak with Lupin about his Lycanthropy or about your friendship again since that day instead you actually ended up opting out of the evening meetings to spend time with your age appropriate friends and to attend the duelling club run by Sebastian. Maybe it was out of self preservation that you avoided Lupin as your feelings towards Lupin became more clouded with each day, it definitely wasn't a school girl crush on the new profesor it was deeper than that, the thought of his hand on your lap or him calling you dear made you want to blush.

You were with a small group of friends that the twins organised, and at one moment someone suggested drinking games and all of you quickly became a lot more drunk. About half way through your night you saw a few teachers come in, Lupin included, you smiled at him as others greeted him and the other teachers as the walked in and sat on the opposite side of the pub. Lupin would look over to your table every so often but you barely ever noticed as you weren't the sharpest on instinct when you got drunk. He noticed when you looked at him, a few of the other girls at your table were also looking at him but he was only looking back at you, you didn't know but all he could think about was how you started to ignore him after he took you to the lake, he believed he messed up with that conversation. You pretend to be okay with it because you're a good person but like everyone you're scared and you are allowed to be, but it hurt him to have you avoid him. "Look Professor Lupin is looking right at us." One of the pretty Ravenclaw girls whispered to the rest of the girls who were in the area. "Do you think he gets off on the attention from students? He wants us to look at him?" Another Slytherin girl replied. "I don't know but I hope so, I'd like to help him get off." The first girl replied. "I'm going for a cigarette, Fred, George , care to join?" You stood up and the twins followed, you made eye contact with Lupin and quickly flashed him your pack of cigarettes and motioned your head towards the door not thinking about who he was, in your mind you were just inviting a friend out for a smoke.

You needed to escape the conversation inside, it made you uncomfortable how many girls wanted Lupin and it did seem like he was looking over and enjoying the attention. Lupin walked out and lit a cigarette of his own standing not too far away from you and the twins, just the sight of him and the alcoholic mixed made you feel like the temperature went up as soon as he was outside. "Profesor Lupin care to join us?" Fred said winking at you quickly.

"I don't want to interrupt." He replied gently.

"Interrupt?" Fred asked. "It's not interrupting if you've been invited." George added. Lupin walked over closer to you guys and joined in a mundane discussion about how schools should allow a certain level of pranks as a sign of magic practice. After about five minutes Fred and George quickly made a excuse to go back inside leaving you alone with Lupin, the alcohol still pulsing through your skin, it fell silent as you both just looked at each other. "Hey." You said "Hey." He replied softly taking a step closer. "You know I've never seen you drunk." He said softly. "You smell of fire whiskey." You replied to suggest he is also drunk. "Not as much as you dear." He replied that one word shooting through your body making your heart beat a bit faster you didn't know how to reply. "Y/N, have I offended or upset you?"

"No I have drank quite a bit I do understand that I smell like-"

"No, I meant the other day at the lake."

"What? How was that meant to upset me. That was one of the most beautiful things I've seen moon boy." You said immediately regretting the last word.

"I was worried my condition did in fact scare you."

"No I already knew,"

"You just seemed to avoid me after..."

"I don't care about your condition, I had plans I should have probably warned you, I wasn't avoiding you."

"I'm glad to hear that, I was worried... now let's go back to moon boy?"

"I know I regret it already I think moony would've been better, I was just trying to say something to make it seem like I don't care about you being you but now I realised it sounded horrible and you're my teacher so maybe calling you that is inappropriate." He laughed in reply.

"You really do smell of fire whiskey profesor." You said your internal monologue out loud.

"How about now." He took another step closer to you.

"I'm not sure maybe another half a step." You said even though the space between you was minimal. "Accio." He gently whispered and you were magically pulled towards him nearly crashing into his chest. "How about now?" You felt his breathe with every word he was so close to you. In this moment you forgot that he was your profesor your body was on fire you were turned on and aching to kiss him. He laughed when you didn't reply just looked at him in the eyes and he took a step back. "Cat got your tongue?" He asked leaning back on the wall behind him creating space as you stood frozen in the same place.

"I'm just drunk, can't think straight." You said sitting down on the floor.

"Do I need to get you back to your friends?" He asked kneeling down besides you and lightly stroking your head.

"No I'm enjoying myself right here." You replied and he stood up leaving you, confusion hit, did you upset him? He was the one flirting with you. He came back moments later with a glass of water. "Here you go." He handed you the water and you looked curiously at him. "Drink." He insisted. "Thank you profesor."

"How much did you drink dear?" He was standing above you, hands in his pockets while you looked up to him.

"Enough that I'm scared I'll say the wrong thing and reveal too much."

"About my condition to others?" he sat down besides you seeming more serious now.

"No... I can't say you're my teacher." You look down at your feet avoiding his eyes. "Tell me dear." He pressed.

"Don't use that word."

"What word?"

"You know what word."

"Why dear?"

"Because it feels like I'm on fire when you use it." You said instantly regretting it.

"Can I tell you a secret?” He leaned on closer to your ear and whispered “I know."He licked his lips as he watched you look back at him with a shocked expression. "It's time you go back to your friends." He continued as he stood up.

"But I want to stay and talk with you."

"I believe we've both already said too much." He held his hand out to you and helped you stand up. You didn't say anything else but rather allowed him to open the door for you and you walked in as he followed, you walked over to the table with your friends and he went over to his table no more words spoken. "So how was your flirting session with Lupin?" Fred whispered in your ear. "Shut it Weasley." You stated while looking up at Lupin who was too busy laughing along to someone's joke to notice you. "What did I miss?" You asked George. "Nothing it's getting a bit boring here I think we should go find some fun out of here" he replied. "I agree I am sick of listening to who has a crush on who at this table." Fred said grabbing his jacket and standing up. "A lot have been taking about their crushes on you," Fed said while leaning out a hand to help you stand up and then looping it with yours while waking out the pub. "Our dear old Percy has competition, apparently that Swallow Slytherin guy is talking about you." George filled you in on the gossip. "Yet we all know none of them have a chance don't we Y/N." He said with a wink and you nodded. "Your profesor watched us walk out, his eyes were glued to you." George added.

"Oh not you too." You said laughing I'm disbelief.

"Y/N don't deny it." Fred said.

"Where did this rumour come from between you two?" You asked as the three of you walked back towards the castle.

"Well you may not know dear old Lupin is a friend of our mums," Fred began. "Friend of Harry's parents and through that our mums so we know him a bit." George added.

"Now we know you quite well and this year is the first year you're gone every evening and you're actually going to lessons..." Fred explained.

"That doesn't mean I like Lupin." You protested.

"But blushing when you hear his name or staring at him whenever he's in the same area as you-" Fred continued.

"Okay maybe I have a school girl crush on him but what girl doesn't." You said and the guys looked at you as if to say that they know it's not a school girl crush. "let's keep this between us. And not telling poor Percy he'll be heartbroken." You warned them and they promised to keep your secret.

On Monday you received an OWL from Lupin cancelling your tutoring sessions for this week as he had "prior commitments". You looked over to him after receiving the OWL but he was busy in his own conversation and didn't even glance towards you. You usually saw him in the corridors during the day and would share a smile but today it seemed like he disappeared completely.

During his DADA lesson he made the class write a essay "once you are done please leave your parchment on my desk and you're free to leave." He said before sitting down and beginning to mark some other years work. You spent the lesson looking over towards him but he was starting down he almost looked uncomfortable. You couldn't concentrate on the work so you just sat there looking at him, how he was writing, how he breathed, how he moved and then he looked up making eye contact with you. Your body froze you felt like you had just been caught he looked straight back down before you could look away. His eyes had no feeling behind them it felt like a completely different person to the guy who used magic to bring you closer to him or said the word "dear" gently to light your body on fire. After you finished your work you took your paper to his desk he didn't even look up when you put it down but you knew he knew it was you. "Profesor may I have a word?" You asked him in a whisper.

"Miss L/N other students are still finishing their work is this urgent." He sounded and looked annoyed.

"No profesor I just wanted to know why you've cancelled my tutoring for this week." You felt like you've messed up, he no longer wanted anything to do with you.

"As I've already mentioned I have prior commitments." He replied not even looking up from his papers this time. You didn't press you just left the room and that was it. From that point onwards he no longer came to the bridge and you no longer went there either you checked the map every evening in case he decides to go but no, the next week the same repeated the cancelled your lessons and stayed far away from the bridge. If you knew this would happen you wouldn't have spoken to him at all at the three broomsticks. The way he looked at you or should I say didn't look at you during DADA was becoming too painful so you started skipping his lessons. You would see him in the great hall and he would never look back at you. It was horrible it made those two weeks feel like the longest two weeks at Hogwarts if your life.

You began occupying a lot of your time with the duelling club, Sebastian was quite friendly for a Slytherin and he taught you a lot. You were becoming quite fond of him and you could tell he had a crush on you. You began thinking more often that maybe Sebastian is the exact distraction you need to get over your school girl crush, you enjoyed the attention. He was missing the soul Lupin had, Lupin was the only person you could speak so deeply with. Sebastian was your age and not a profesor but you just didn't find him as attractive so your mind was still stuck on Lupin, this didn't prevent your friendship with Sebastian developing.

Sunday evening you had nothing to do so you were wandering around the lake while the sun was setting, you spent the time thinking about Lupin as you sat near the water reading a muggle book. As it got dark you went back into the castle and that's when you bumped into Sebastian. "Look who it is!" He announced while approaching you and going in for a hug to say hello. "Sebastian." You acknowledge him.

"What have you been up to sport?" He asks you as you continue to walk back to the dorm. "Killing time." You said lifting your book.

"You should've said we could've killed time together if you know what I mean." He said as you slowly walked passed the bridge you looked at it longingly .

"What do you mean?" You asked intriguingly.

"Well instead of reading that... what is it?"

"It's a muggle book." You're replied holding it up. "I forget you're into boring stuff like that. Well darling instead of some boring muggle book me and you could've spend a nice Sunday together. You know I could take you out to some nice places forget about Hogsmeade we could travel into the city." He boasted.

"Really?" You said a bit unamused he was nice but he sometimes was cocky and you hated that.

"I've got my ways darling." He said with a wink at the same time you heard someone clearing their throat behind you, both your heads snapped backwards to see Lupin.

"Are you both aware that you're out last curfew." Lupin stated and you check the time.

"Profesor we apologies but it is only by 3 minutes, we're heading back to our dorms." Sebastian insisted

"Mr Sallow, the Slytherin dorm is the opposite direction." Lupin pointed out. "You better start going that way or I will have to give you and Miss L/N detention as well as take away house points."

"Yes Professor, bye Y/N." He said hugging you good bye "Good night profesor." He said walking away and you replied with your own goodbye and good night ready to quickly run back to your dorm. "Not so quickly I need to speak to you." He stopped you and you nodded. He began walking back towards the bridge and you followed him. He stood in his usual spot lighting a cigarette and you just watched him, he handed you one but you refused it. "I don't like when he speaks like that to you." He stated while looking out from the bridge, you didn't reply since when could he decides how people speak to you, he didn't even speak to you. "Do you like it?" He asked looking at you this time and you looked back into his eyes seeing hurt in his eyes, which didn't make sense considering the hurt he was causing you over the last two weeks. "Why have you been ignoring me?" You asked.

"I've put distance between us because as your teacher I'm concerned you're becoming too close to me. I am responsible for you here and your parents put trust in us to keep you safe."

"Who are you keeping me safe from?" You snapped back it felt like you could cry at any moment hearing how much distance he's put between the two of you.

"Me." He replied sternly. "Now answer my question, do you like it?" He didn't break eye contact.

"No." You replied looking back into his eyes.

"Very well." He replied putting his cigarette out. "I expect to see you in your tutoring session on Monday and in my lessons. From now on no more skipping, do you understand?" You nodded in reply. "Now you should get back to your dorm it's past curfew. He said beginning to walk away, one hand in pocket not looking back at you. If he did look back he would see how confused you looked. You felt almost like you could cry from the overwhelming mix of feelings he had caused.

NEXT CHAPTER | More stuff I wrote

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millenialfanfictionaddiction · 1 year

Text

Being Shiratorizawa’s Manager:

Trip to the Beach 🏖️

Shiratorizawa x female! Manager (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: fluff, reader has a breasts and is wearing a swimsuit, Oikawa makes an appearance because it’s me 😌

AN: this is a request from 🦢 anon!

Remember when I said this team was like super serious and stoic 😃

Well jokes on you because when you go on ANY outing, these boys are just as feral as the rest

Literally, I can tell you exactly how this will go

Semi and Reon are the only adults

Yep, even Ushijima doesn’t count and I’ll tell you why

Man’s will just wander off, like he sees something and is like “hey that looks cool” and then just walks away 🚶

Tendou is riling everyone up constantly

Shirabu and Kawanishi are the actual worst to get excited about anything

Goshiki and Yamagata are just like super hyped about everything

Liberos are all hyper, prove me wrong 🤚🏻

Anyways, it’s literally so much work it’s exhausted

But never fear because our magnificent, wonderful and perfect manager, YN, is here to deal with everything!

And with summer break approaching, you get the bestest idea ever 🥰

So you bring it up at practice

“Hey guys! I think we should go to the beach this weekend!” You say, all cute and excited

Shirabu 👉🏻 Y tho?

You 👉🏻😐 I give all and get nothing back-

“A beach trip? Hey that actually sounds so fun!” Tendou cheers, backing you up

“Shouldn’t we spend the time practicing?” Ushijima adds

“Yeah, I can’t beat Ushiwaka at the beach Yn?” Goshiki screams

You 👉🏻🙄

“I mean, it would be nice to do a team bonding activity,” Semi, our team mom chimes in

You 👉🏻 *nodding vigorously* : D

“Also, we could play beach volleyball. That’s a what kind of workout,” Reon adds

The guys 👉🏻🔥👄🔥 Did you say Beach Volleyball??

These boys are sold 🙌🏻

So you began preparing, you made lunches, snacks and made sure to pack plenty water

You arrived early at school, so freaking excited for your day at the beach with your boys!

When you first arrive, you are wearing a coverup so the boys don’t really think much of anything

Please, they all have a crush on you and god are you pretty, but they also adore you as their manager

That is 👀 until you take the coverup off

Like it happens so casually too that it throws them all off 😂

Like you are just talking with Semi and Reon like, “I packed snacks and lunches, we should be good for a few hours *takes off coverup* also we have to make sure we do sunscreen on everyone because coach will not be happy if you guys can spike or receive with sunburns.”

Semi and Reon just stare 😳😳

“What’s wrong?” You say, completely oblivious as to why these idiots are staring

The rest of the team, well they are surely malfunctioning at this very moment

Goshiki definitely has a nose bleed

Remember when Daichi broke Hinata? Yeah you did that to Goshiki 😌

Yamagata, Shirabu and Kawanishi are all just like “thank you god amen 🙏🏻”

Tendou is actually speechless

Like Tendou knows you’re a girl and he knows you’re pretty but like it sunk a level deeper today

And Ushiwaka, well he…

“YN please make sure you wear sunscreen, you have a lot of skin showing. Would you like me to help you?” Ushijima says, completely oblivious

Like Ushijima thinks your pretty too don’t get me wrong but man’s isn’t thinking beyond sun protection right now

“Wakatoshi that would be so helpful thank you!” You say, handing him the cream

Suddenly, everyone is willing to lend a helping hand 😐🙄

“Don’t you think this is a job for the vice captain?” Reon says

“Are you kidding me?” Semi says as Tendou sneaks in

“I have big hands so like covering surface area is definitely easier for me!” Tendou shouts

“THIS IS A JOB FOR THE FUTURE ACE!” Goshiki interrupts

You 👉🏻🤨 guys I literally just need help getting my back

“I don’t really think they care YN,” Shirabu interjects as you hand him the sunscreen and he helps you

The guys all watch and of course, brood because they are jealous bbys

“Alright it’s time for volleyball,” Ushijima announces as all the guys run towards the court leaving you to your own devices

You 👉🏻🙄 silly boys

But it’s ok because you can finish setting up and hopefully start catching up on getting some much needed vitamin D

Even if you don’t tan, sunshine is great as a mood booster 😁

However, what you don’t realize is that you’ve attracted quite the spectator crowd

Because your team isn’t the only one at the beach 👀

You guessed it, our besties at Seijoh decided to take a team beach vacay too

What a coincidence 🙃

Anyways, you’ve seemed to attract the attention of Seijoh’s #1 pain in the butt

“Hey isn’t that Shiratorizawa’s hot manager?” Yahaba points out

Because, of course he does 🙄

“What? Where??” Oikawa says, eyes alert at Yahaba points you out

“Yeah that’s her, damn Shiratorizawa is so freaking lucky!” Hanamaki says, glaring at Oikawa

All the third years, and the other years, know that Oikawa is the reason they can’t have nice things 😅

“I think we should go and greet her! She looks like she could use some help,” Oikawa says walking towards you

“Should we stop him?” Matsukawa asks as Kunimi pulls out his phone and hits record

“Nah, let Ushiwaka take care of him this time, I came here to relax,” Iwa says, getting a front row to the show

“Yoo-hoo YN!” Oikawa says as you turn to find the source of the agitating voice

“Oh hello Oikawa!” You say, pleasantly

Please, our angel is so nice

I could never 😂

“I just happened to notice you over here, looking absolutely gorgeous and was wondering if you needed any help?” He says as you stare at him

“I’m actually good but thanks anyways!” You beam as Oikawa dies at your cuteness

“You know Yn, I always knew you were gorgeous but I will say, that swimsuit looks incredible on you,” Oikawa says

You blush, “thanks Oikawa! I got it especially for our team trip.”

You turn and show him the suit because that’s what we do, we show off 👏🏻

Suddenly out of nowhere, a volleyball SLAMS into the back of Oikawa’s head

You 👉🏻😳

Oikawa 👉🏻 💀

Kunimi and Seijoh 👉🏻 📱

“Iwa what the hell-” oikawa says, turning to see whose actually responsible for the ball

Ushiwaka and Shiratorizawa LOOM over Oikawa and just glare right thought him

Literally it’s hot out but the cold radiating off the guys right now could cure global warming 😅

“Hey guys! Are you hungry?” You say, completely ignoring Oikawa’s obvious concussion

“Ahh yeah YN we are just taking a little break,” Kawanishi says, coming up next to you and guiding you away from the scene

“Stay away from OUR manager Oikawa!” Semi growls as Reon nods

“Like she’d ever go for you anyways, she obviously has better taste,” Tendou adds

Meanwhile, Ushijima is just glaring, his arms crossed over his chest

“I’d maybe leave before Ushiwaka throws another ball at you,” Yamagata adds

Oikawa rubs his head, standing tall as a smirk appears on his face

“I was just helping your beautiful manager out,” he said as Ushiwaka glared

You 👉🏻 I’m fine but thanks Oikawa 😁✌🏻

Oikawa 👉🏻👁️👄👁️ oh ok…

He walks away as Ushiwaka continues to glare

“YN are you ok?” Goshiki asks in a panic as you prepare lunches

You 👉🏻 I’m fine 😐

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Shirabu asks

You 👉🏻 it’s Oikawa guys, he’s literally harmless

Then, suddenly Ushiwaka comes next to you, giving you an approving head pat

“Thanks for being the best manager YN,” he says as you beam

Bonus

“Well that went well didn’t it?” Watari said as Oikawa made his way back to the team

“You should have know better loserkawa,” Iwa said, rolling his eyes

“I wouldn’t have expected you to know what it’s like to ask a girl like that out Iwa!” Oikawa spat back before quickly covering his mouth

“What did you say to me?!?” Iwa 🔥👄🔥

Oikawa 👉🏻🥲

1K notes · View notes

spacexseven · 2 years

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(2/4 sorry realized dazais was super long split it into two its 4 parts now) ur sooooooo right about dazai and this scenario SO right the fucking bastard probably does this to randoms for fun on the weekends. sidenote im going with mafia dazai for this just cuz he has more room to be Evil and i also dont think kunikida would allow ANY of these antics if he was there. warning hes gonna be SUUUPER mean i kinda softboy-ed aku but i cant bring myself to do the same to dazai </3

darling is just some civilian with ties to an enemy syndicate or works somewhere they need access to as an average employee with a convenient amount of security clearance, no one really that special on paper, and he’s pissed. he’s stuck with some no-name loser for the foreseeable future? how demeaning. this work is so beneath him as an executive, can’t he make one of his subordinates do it?

he’s amazing at the flirty coworker persona, and even BETTER at the loving boyfriend schtick. scarily so, when you consider that he spends a lot of his downtime thinking about how much you bore him and he cant wait to get rid of you. similar to what he does to chuuya in wan, every perceived slight you commit against him is put down to paper so he can get his appropriate vengeance when the time comes. you hummed and it got on his nerves, he’ll be sure to break your jaw. you touched his hand today, for that he’ll rip your fingernails off one by one. stuff like that.

he starts to warm up to you as time goes on. the surefire way to dazai’s heart is to give him unselfish care. something as small as packing him something for lunch since he only eats crab out of a can; to something as big as nursing him through a drug or alcohol induced stupor after one of his many attempts on his own life. he wakes up the next morning clean, comfortable, and with a very minimal headache due to the cold washcloth you put on his head. why did you bother doing that?

yea i don't think ada dazai could do half these things and get away with it either so we'll stick to pm dazai!! i do have a question tho, can you find crab in a can? is it edible?? it sounds strange to me i only eat tuna (lol) out of a can...lol this got much longer than i planned for, sorry in advance!!

cw: yandere character, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, unhealthy relationships, toxic relationships, dazai is an asshole, mentions of violence and murder, manipulation, deceit, emotional abuse, jealousy, kidnapping, imprisonment.

ask continued: (3/4) good news: he’s attached now! at the hip! hes a little obvious, really. dazais always flirty, but now hes CLINGY. and JEALOUS. he seemed so Above being affectionate or possessive of you, before. much too self-confident, you supposed. but now you’re lucky if you can manage to get out of bed without having to escape the IRONCLAD GRIP hes got you in, and do NOT even get me STARTED on how he reacts to ANYONE so much as looking at you! you’re his! his his his his HIS! you both love each other, so you belong to one another! simple as that!

bad news: you have recently figured out that you shouldve been scared of him. of course, you find his little notebook, and something inside of you is SCREAMING at you to read it, and what you find shatters your view of him forever. you brushed off the really weird vibe you got from him initially, cuz he was so nice! attentive! you never really got attention like that from anyone before, it was all too easy for him to get you caught up. stupid stupid stupid.

worse news: he notices, when you start to pull away from him. you’re making excuses not to see him, not to sleep in the same bed as him. you get all stiff when he gets too close to you, and you wont kiss him back. doesnt take him long to figure out what happened. takes him even less time to come up with a plan to make sure you cant run away from him. don’t be scared, he loves you so much! he’ll show you how sorry he is for saying all those mean things!

it's not like dazai was new to the whole leech-out-information-from-an-unsuspecting-victim-and-kill-them-after routine, but he definitely didn't like this part of his job. it's so terribly boring as compared to his go-to way of getting information (interrogations! torture! shorter and less effort needed!) it takes too much effort to make sure his target likes him enough to lower their guard around him and spoonfeed him the information he needs. it takes even longer to safely send back acquired information to the pm without anyone suspecting him to be the mole, and usually these missions take months if not years. he doesn't want to invest to much time in something like this, especially when he knows his target is the most boring person to walk upon this planet.

if he was assigned to the leader of some crime syndicate, or maybe the secret mastermind behind a revolution, or even a top-level military agent, he might find the thrill somewhat entertaining. after all, there's something quite wonderful in wrapping an untouchable person around his finger.

but you...

you were painfully ordinary. he understood why it had to be you, a somewhat 'regular' member of the ability group, trusted enough to have access to information that would be useful, but not too high up in the ranks. not to mention, you would eventually be moved up and allowed access into even more highly guarded secrets. if he didn't get to you now, he might never get you at all. if you were too important you'd never trust anyone, and you'd be too paranoid to let slip even seemingly unimportant details. it had to be you, and now.

and he was good at his job. he was charming but not suspiciously so, and not so well known that he would be identified. still, as he watched you before his infiltration had officially started, he realized that you were a fool. too trusting, too smiling, and far too friendly. even akutagawa would have been suited for this job, you wouldn't have suspected a thing. maybe you'd even like the whole grumbling outcast thing he had going on. but no matter how much he whined or complained or groaned, nothing was done about it. he was stuck with you until he finished the mission.

it was probably his hatred towards you that caused him to act so recklessly, and moving the relationship so quickly—from strangers to moving in together within a month. it wasn't hard to have you eating right out of his hand, with some saccharine smiles and soft looks, gentle stroking and—you practically had stars in your eyes. what a fool, he thought, ignoring how the softening of his eyes when you cheerfully ran into his arms happened somewhat naturally. you must have been desperate if you so eagerly accepted his sudden advances.

he still hated you, of course. he recorded your wrongdoings so he could unleash his fury later, when you were no longer of use. that time you ran your fingers through his hair, he swore to break each and every bone in your hand. and when you dragged him out on dates he planned out the appropriate punishment, same as when you touched him or kissed him or smiled up at him with so much warmth it made him sick—you made him sick, and you'd pay for that, eventually.

surprisingly, despite his overall sleazy and cruel demeanor—he never paid for dates (even though he was given the funds), and never bought you presents after the third one. he never initiated any physical affection, and straight up ignored your calls sometimes—after you were officially dating you still seemed to like him. you probably idolized him, after being starved of affection for so long. any crumb of affection he gave you, whether it was a fake smile or a stiff pat, you'd eagerly eat up. it was so pathetic he almost felt bad for you. even know, this relationship wasn't real, but you were a fool who thought you found love. not like this arrangement was anything you should be mourning.

were you hoping he'd turn back to the charming guy you met all those weeks ago? did you really have no clue that you fell in love with a lie? or maybe, you just couldn't comprehend someone using you. after all, you weren't very wealthy or connected to anyone influential. all you had was your job, and that was meaningless to most people. perhaps you thought he was most people, because it was so easy to get things out of you. at night, when the two of you were awkwardly lying down in bed, he just had to roll over, throw an arm around you and whisper into your ear, asking about your day. and then everything came pouring out. you weren't so stupid as to directly admit you worked for an ability organization, but the details were still correct. you'd tell him about the planning you had to do for a company event nearby, and just as you said, a week later the group he was targeting was there for something. it was so easy, now, to intercept all their plans. you were annoying but...somewhat useful.

and then...it happened.

dazai didn't realize there had been a last-minute change in plans. your group had come onto the meeting spot earlier than you had said they would be, and he was caught red-handed inside the building. to his surprise, you, without even stopping to consider his intentions, immediately shot up to defend him, excusing him saying that he probably just stopped by to visit you. your coworkers relaxed and slowly agreed. they, too, thought dazai didn't know about the 'company' you worked for, and thought he was just being a considerate boyfriend. it couldn't be farther from the truth, but he didn't care what they thought.

you saved him.

and it wasn't the only time, either. there were the times you've nursed him back to health after yet another one of his stupid stunts, the times you've waited hours for him to turn up for a date, complaining but never actually mad, the times you've made him something to eat, knowing he didn't care much about eating healthy. it infuriated him how genuinely selfless you were, even to an asshole like him.

you cared about him, like you cared for everyone else in your life, even though he knew he didn't deserve it. it was so nice, though, as much as he hated admitting it, to be cared for. to be looked after and loved genuinely despite his shortcomings. sometimes he wondered if you'd only love him more if he cleaned up his act. the more you smiled at him and gently nudged him awake and asked him if he ate and showed him things you thought he'd like, the more he realized he was getting a little attached to you.

and then, he came to a decision.

you were far too nice to him for him to just leave you to die after this mission. and you were far too kind to have such a terrible boyfriend. he could at least try to completely win you over now before you inevitably found out about his true intentions and then, you'd really hate him since he would have killed your friends. he decided you would stay with him, regardless of how the mission went.

he probably should have considered your confusion when your usually aloof boyfriend suddenly became a completely new person. you'd wake up and get ready to leave when an arm suddenly wraps around you and dazai whines at you about not leaving. whines! the same man who'd rarely say a word to you until breakfast was acting so...clingy all of a sudden, though you'd be lying if you said you hated it. suddenly your days were filled with constant kissing and an arm always around you, dazai showing up at your workplace more often to grab lunch with you and boldly flirting with you. sure, there was something quite terrifying about the way he glared at your coworkers, his eyes so blank it was eerie, but you forgot all about it once he snuggled into your neck and placed a kiss on your collarbone.

and then there was his insistence that you were being overworked when he normally wouldn't have cared what time you came home, as long as you did come home, going so far as to contacting your boss to demand you get more time off. of course, everyone laughed it off as your boyfriend simply being concerned for your health and your boss complied, shortening your hours and granting you a long overdue break. your life was just so perfect now. and to think you were worried about him wanting to break up. whenever you asked dazai why he was suddenly so expressive, however, he would only give you a vague answer about realizing it was unfair of him to let out his anger by treating you coldly and wanting to fix things. because, as he said so often, he loved you.

"nobody could love you as much as i do," he would say, "seriously, i think i could die in my love for you. you're everything to me and i love you so much."

maybe you should have noticed how...intense his feelings were then,

it all came crashing down one day when you saw a text on his phone—someone asking him to gather more information about the ability users in the group you were in. he wasn't supposed to know about that, and by the looks of it, he had been using you to steal intel the entire time. though you felt stupid now, you were more concerned about how you could put an end to it now, especially because you were in so deep with him. at least a while back you could have quickly ended things with him using the reason of being a terrible partner, but now, it would only raise suspicion with him and your coworkers. how were you to explain your boyfriend had been spying on you the entire time to anyone? what would they do to you, and worse yet, what was he planning to do to you once he had no use for you?

the only logical thing to do, in your eyes, was to slowly drift away and eventually break things off with him. his only source of information would be closed then, and you would be safe. the problem was, it was pretty much impossible to leave him. he was always by your side, held you tight as you slept, dropped you off at work and even knew all your friends. how were you supposed to explain to anyone that your boyfriend was going to kill you once he destroyed your group?

as you already figured out, dazai wasn't stupid. it was about time you found out, but now his plans had changed. no more killing you. he could keep you with him permanently now, after forcing you to quit. he didn't need your help anymore for the next part of the plan, which only required him to eradicate the group since they weren't willing to comply to the port mafia's demands. it wasn't like he expected you to sit down and hear him out after finding out he was sort of using you all along, but still, it hurt when you scowled at him and screamed at him. oh well. he could figure it out.

as he smiled down at your bound figure, your eyes wide at the blood soaking his coat, realizing what he had just done, he decided he would stop at nothing to convince you of how much he loved you.

really, he wouldn't trade this for the world.

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streaminn · 11 months

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If no one is going to talk abt streamer Wednesday au then I guess I’ll just have to do it myself (I have a questions) (and scenario) (yes I searched up the tag to have more things to say) (not much wenclair tho)

What did Wednesday do after the massive ban (who’s her moderator btw ? Eugene ?) ? Like, did she just stare in disappointment at chat ? Told them that Enid is really important to her ? Had a talk with them abt Outcasts discrimination ?

Wait are there any Outcasts in the chat ? How did they react to the rest of chat’s fear ? Did some of them agreed (those who are not werewolves) ?

(A bit unrelated but I have this little idea in my head that Outcasts can lowkey sense when someone else is an Outcast (reason why Wednesday trusted (? I need to rewatch the show) Tyler that quickly) but it’s not like « Oh ! This guy’s an Outcast ! » it’s more like « There’s something about this guy »)

What about Enid ? How did she react ? Did Wednesday even told her ? Or did she saw it somewhere ? (does this Enid watches Wednesday’s streams ? Like the replays or whatever idk how Twitch works)

Also, you said that Enid is kinda running herself ragged (does she have any days off ??) bc she feels guilty about letting Wednesday pay the rent, but Wednesday has to notice that, right ? The bags under Enid’s eyes, how tired she sounds, the lack of colors in her hair. What does she do ? Does she wake up one day, looks at Enid being this 🤏 close to passing out and goes ‘you’re taking the week off, I don’t want to deal with a walking corpse again’ ? I feel like it would be kinda in-character. No idea how Enid would react tho

Assuming that Enid went like ‘… okay’ or had a day off, I kinda imagine her inviting Yoko & Co over (in the weekend cause they’re 21 and all (?) go to college (and also so she and Wednesday can have some not-girlfriends quality time together). Wednesday allowed it bc she knows how a pack friends are important to Enid and the wolf promised her that they will just stay in the living-room while Wednesday streams (what’s her schedule ?) or something else. Then, like 15min after they arrived, Yoko opens the door to Wednesday streaming room (I like to imagine that it’s soundproof) with Divina (that she dragged with her) and she just says « Hi shorty ;) » and leaves.

Wednesday just rolls her eyes bc at this point she’s used to it but chat, after seeing Yoko’s too sharp fangs and Divina’s unnaturally light eyes, explodes. Idk what they’re doing, I haven’t thought that far tbh

And the last thing I have to say is that I headcanon that Wednesday helped a lot for the absolute mess of a cult and blackmail that Morning Song was to Bianca. That’s why they’re friends to me. A little frenemies, there’s still some rivalry, maybe even some tension but they’re friends. If there’s something wrong, like serious wrong, asking the other for help is a valid option (Wednesday still mostly goes to Enid and Bianca to Yoko/Divina but ! The option is here)

Now that I laid the background :

Wednesday’s streaming and Enid’s at work. But are shadows under Wednesday’s door. Some viewers notice and are like ??? but before they can do anything Bianca just opens the door and is like ‘I need you to come with me’.

Now, Wednesday knows her friends allies, it has taken her a lot of time (years) but she learned and studied and them, she knows them. Right now, Bianca may appear calm and collected, or even cold to an outsider, but Wednesday sees that there’s something wrong, serious wrong, so she cuts the stream and goes with her.

Meanwhile, chat just saw some siren barging in, telling -not asking, telling- Wednesday to come with her and Wednesday did. They’re all panicking in the channel’s Discord (if Wednesday has one), like « omg did weds just got sirened??? » « she’s going to get killed !! » « yall i’ve heard stories abt sirens killing and eating people at sea what if they were true ??! » , an exact inch away from calling the police before Wednesday sends a little « I’m fine, stop dramatizing » or whatever

(it’s 1am and most of this hasn’t been reread so if there’s any spelling error, things that I’ve written two times, missing pieces of text or just a general sense of messiness then : sorry lol)

-🦎

Wednesday sighs after the massive ban and continued onward like nothing happened. The fact that she practically killed half her fanbase says alot so the people thatre left behind or trickle in know and are alot more cautious now

yeah definitely! while there are other outcasts in chat, there's smth different abt werewolves yknow? I mean there must be a reason for why they had to be in cages in nevermore

The outcasts are more of the warnjing sort, just hoping their streamer doesn't die to the monster living in her house

(meanwhile Enid is literally having her face cradled by Wednesday while they're both in bed)

Tho idt Enid would watch any of the streams, she respects Wednesday's privacy too much to do so. She does visit the room alot tho, so chat is low key kind of scared and kind of used to the shadow that lingers by the door and the thump of a tail somewhere off screen

Haha.. Totally normal behavior and not a sign of a potential killer in your house Wednesday! I hope you know what you're doing

(Enid's literally happy, her tail is wagging, just how dramatic do they gotta make her out to be 😭)

Don't worry tho, enid goes to work around the time Wednesday starts to stream and comes back by the time it ends so you bet she destresses alot with Wednesday

and she actually has alot of vacation time! The place she works at is pretty generous bc Enid is one of the long lasting employees so it kinda has been saving up. She just works alot bc it's a good distraction and so she can earn for the both of them (not needed but she feels obligated after all the Addams did for her)

As for the pack? You bet Enid is chasing yoko around, they roll around like little kids with Bianca and Divina chatting. They're having fun, good for them

And I totally see Wednesday and Bianca's relationship going how you explaining it!! They're alot more used to each other now but the signs of more and more outcasts being in Wednesday's life is low key giving chat a heart attack

Is aight lizard anon, im surprised people are into this au. Nothing much is coming onto mind but my inspiration here is beastars honestly LMAO

Hope your sleep was nice!

#🦎 anon #streamer wednesday au

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xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx · 2 months

Text

im worried about my familys future

so if ur in the US u know that this year is an election year. a very important one. its the same candidates as last election Trump Vs Biden. while both are bad one is significantly worse. especially for people like me. im part of the LGBT+ community, im a woman, i have immigrant relatives, my father is a jew. that last one is one of the scarier parts. Trump has used quotes from hitler before, hes talked abt camps, hes called us Vermin. im afraid if he gets into power something will happen. my father says it couldnt happen here. but thats what the poles said, and the french and the dutch. my mother says theyll have to take him and me from her cold dead hands. and i fear that they would. i mean if he does become president what happens to me? my friends? my family? i keep thinking about it. my mother has a notebook of the logistics of moving to Canada or England or France. becoming political refugees. who wouldve thought, the possiblity of american asylum seekers. i worry about it even tho my mother says not to. camps. again. i dont want to move to canada or england or france. i dont want to move anywhere. as much as here sucks sometimes, i have friends here, family here. i dont even know any french. theres nothing i can do about it either. im too young to vote. i just have to sit and watch the news. helpless almost. im getting my passport photo taken this weekend. ive never had a passport. didnt need one, ive never left the country. now i might have to leave in a hurry. my mother is scared too. my father pretends he isnt but i know he is. shortly after election day is my 17th birthday. ill be at the begining of my junior year of highschool. its a scary thing to think ill spend that week packing up my life for mine and my familys safety. if he wins we either move or god only knows what will happen to my family. trump has talked about camps again. im afraid of what will happen in november. and everyday closer to it is more anxiety enducing. more quotes, more rallys, more of him. im afraid. i probably shouldnt post this but whatever i dont mind shouting into the void of the internet. besides maybe one day someone can use this. election days are historical events.

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my-only-way-tocooperatewithlife · 2 years

Text

One more drink II - Pierre Gasly series

Hi, thank you very much for the appreciation for the previous part. Hope you will like the following ones too. 😊 ♥

If something is written like this then it means that the conversation is on Hungarian.

Pairing: Pierre Gasly x fem!reader

warning: swearing, language, mention of depression, alcohol usage

¤ Masterlist ¤

--Previous part -- -- Next part --

———————————————————————–

- Hungaroring, Budapest -

I still could not believe we have got an opportunity like that. I’m out in the Hungaroring on the weekend when they are having the F1 Hungarian Grand Prix.

Everything was pretty quickly sorted out, we have got a map with a red dot where our stand will stand. We drove there with our truck, packed out everything, built the stand and all we have had left to do was packing the beverages and food in the fridges and selves.

I was really excited, every part of me was buzzing, I was smiling the whole day. Even if I started to feel really exhausted because the preparing and everything took a lot out of me, but I did not care about it. It’s a exceptional experience, I can’t feel tired.

While I was filling up the fridges, I have put my Bluetooth speaker on the top of the counter and I was listening to my Spotify playlist. Sometimes I can get really lost in my thought and if I have music on, I can really get de attached from reality.

I did not even realised that I was most humming anymore to the songs, that I was fully singing and dancing behind the bar counter. I just realised it when a song ended and behind me I could hear someone started to clap. When I heard clapping behind me I froze down and blood ran out of my face. It was not like that my voice was terrible or anything because we used to have a band with my brothers and we played sometimes in our pub, the thing was that I have never been caught singing and dancing in an event just by myself. And I could not just blame that I was drunk on an event and that’s why. First because it was 9 in the morning and second because I was working there.

I slowly turned around to face the clapping and that’s when my blood turned absolutely cold. Behind the counter, on the side of the motorways there were three people, who were cheering for me. Not average person, maybe F1 fans who came earlier to the event so maybe they can catch their favourite driver, no. Three really famous, and well knows F1 drivers were standing on the other side of my counter smiling at me. It was Carlos Sainz, Charles Leclerc and Pierre Gasly.

My face got extremely hot and I bet I was red as a tomato, and all I could do was gasping and dumbly waving my hand to their way while trying to put a smile on my face and dumbly get a “hello” out for them

“Oh my god, I’m sorry I did not know that someone was here, and I totally lost track of everything and did not realise I was doing it obviously. “ I was rambling. “ Hope you enjoyed the show tho, and please come back in the afternoon for good beverage“ I was trying to force a sentence out of myself.

“Hey no worries it was really lovely to see that someone is having such a good time, and you have an incredible voice so we have to thank you for the little show” Charles was smiling at me while the other two was nodding while smiling at me too. I felt extremely awkward, I have never thought that I will meet the drivers in a situation like that. “Actually we have a little time right now, till we have to go for our meetings, can we sit down in here?” Carlos asked me while pointing at the barstools.

“Uhm, yea sure, but I’m still trying to set up the bar now so I don’t really have anything for you guys, except if you like warm bottled of water. “I smiled at them shyly, while trying to clean up the counter in front of me.

“No worries, we are the one who bother you, and we don’t need anything right now. We just want to hide a little bit from the media and other people. Race weekends are really hectic.” Charles stated while he was turning to face me on the barstool with a small smile on his face. I still felt like my whole face is red, and I tried to act calm, and not like someone who is freaking out inside because she has her favourites on her barstools.

“Oh, okay. Yea sure feel free to hide in here. “ I smiled at them while continuing the packing of the fridges.

“Are you working here alone?” Carlos asked.” Isn’t it a lot for you to keep everything under control on a busy weekend like this?”

“No, I work here with my brothers. We have a bar in the city and we do this stand also together, they are just gathering the other drinks we have ordered. “ I smiled at them while closing the fridge door.

“That’s cool, and is your bar looks like the same as is in here? “ Pierre asked while pointing at the decor behind me. We have put some of our used decor from the bar with the outline map of the tracks in F1, also with some pictures and fairy lights. I turned to look at the background and nodding while I turned back to face them with a smile. “ That’s really cool, I have never been to a bar like this before. And on that picture are those your brother? “ he pointed at a big framed picture on the shelf. It was a picture from when we got the keys for the bar we have. We were facing the camera hugging each other.

“Yea that’s us, when we opened the bar” I smiled and took the frame down and put it in front of them on the counter. Pointing at the people on the picture. “The huge dude, in the military suite is my oldest brother he is the Hungarian military, next to it with the fully tattooed with piercings guy who looks as a hipster a rockstar and a homeless had a child together that’s my other older brother and the one next to me, is my youngest one. Fun and easy to grow up with two really intimidating looking older brother. “ I giggled while saying it ironically

“Lovely family, so it is really a family business that’s really cool” Charles looked up at me and smiled while taking the picture out of my hand and observed it closely.

“ Hey sis, we said that we won’t let anyone to sit down until everything is packed out, right?” Ádám shouted to me on the way down the track while balancing two boxes with full of alcohol in his arms, behind him I could see my other brothers trying to catch up with him, but they were panting.

I looked at him with big eyes trying to make him to shut up, but he was not paying attention, nor like my other two siblings.

“Fuck, Ádám is crazy, listen, he packed up us with like ten kilograms of stuff and he made us rushing all the way here, and he was shouting at us that we were slow as a grandma“ Peti was panting while putting everything down next to the counter. My younger brother arrived the same way as Peti, painting and sweating and he put both of his hands on his knee.

“ I said that this whole thing with the military went into his head. Man, we are not even on the training” Erik said while he tried to catch his breath.

I was looking at them angrily while the drivers were looking surprised at my three siblings.

“Guys, we have company so please gather all those stuff and put them into the fridge while you keep the talking and the shouting to the minimum” I told them, while trying to nod with my head to the way of the drivers so my brothers my get the idea why I’m acting like this. My oldest brother whipped his head around and saw who we have company and hit the back of the head both of my other brothers to get themselves together. They yelped due to the pain and started to rub their necks while looking up, and when they realised who sit on the barstools they have put a dumb smile on their faces.

“Hey guys! It’s lovely to see you in here, sorry for those two idiots” Ádám smiled and waved his hand and tried to push his two other brothers behind the counter so they won’t stand there awkwardly smiling.

“Don’t worry about it, everything is perfect but we actually have to go, our meetings will start soon. But we will definitely come back to you guys later.” Carlos started to gather his things and he stood up with the other drivers, while he was waving to us.

I said bye to them and waved, I waited till they disappeared at the corner when I turned around and grab one of the beer bottles openers and I throw at the three men. “ Hope to God that they will come back and that you have not fucked up this for us!” I pointed my finger at them

“ Come on, they will come back. They sat down even if they were witnesses of your little show. We saw it on the cameras on our phone.” Peti was laughing at me and started to pack the bottles away.

————————————————

Even if it was just free practice day it was fully packed. When we finally wrapped and cleaned everything up we were exhausted. Everything was new for us we have never done an event like this. So when qualification day’s morning came I was trying to have all my energy with me so I can do my best on the whole day. I was walking down between the motor homes while I was scrolling through my phone, when I heard someone called my name. I looked up from my phone and I saw Carlos standing next to his motorhome door waving at me.

“ Good morning!” I waved back at him with a smile.

“Morning! How was yesterday? As I could see you guys were pretty packed when I left in the night. Hope you guys have somethings left for us too, because we will pay you guys a visit on a Sunday night before the summer vacation begins” he winked at me

“Yea, we have had a really great night thankfully. It would be my pleasure to have you guys and I will definitely hide some of the stuff so you can try everything you want.” I giggled.

“Good, I will come down later to you with other guys for showing them how cool the design is.” He winked and he started to back up to the door of his motorhome

“Please, the more the mayor, good luck with today’s qualification!” I waved at him and started to walk again down to our stand.

A few hours have passed today was not that busy due to that the weather was not the best, it was raining and it was much colder than it was in the past few days before.

“Hey, Gina, one of the motorhomes asked for one of our wine selections list, can you please bring it to them?” My oldest brother puts the menu in my hand, and rushing off.

“Do you know which motorhome asked for it?” I looked confused at him, while turning around seeing him packing everything around.

“It might be the Mercedes one, I don’t know for sure, best thing would be if you would leave a menu at every motorhome so we might get a chance for free advertisement from them.” He winked at me. And turned back to start packing again the bottles in the fridge.

I put on my raincoat and put the hood on my head, so I won’t get soaking wet while I started to walk down on the way to the paddocks. I have had no idea where to find the Mercedes’s office so I was just walking around, I was definitely lost.

“Do you need some help?” I heard behind me a thick French accent which startled me a little. I turned around and I saw a cheeky smiled Pierre behind me.

“Hi Pierre. Uh, yea I might. I have to bring a menu to the Mercedes’s home but I have no idea where to find them. Can you please help me?” I looked at him awkwardly smiling

“For sure, I was actually on my way to see Charles, and his paddock is next to the Mercedes one, so let’s walk there together.” He smiled warmly at me while putting his arms out showing me the way to go. “Have you ever been out to a race?

“No sadly never, the tickets are extremely expensive and as a university student who worked two different part time jobs so I can fill up my car with gas, and pay for my flat. I haven’t had any leftover money for race tickets.” I smiled at him while fidgeting with the corner of the menu

“Yes, I know it’s an expensive one. We would love to change the prices but it’s really out of our reach. But two part time jobs? Wow that’s hard. What were you studying?” He seemed pretty interested in our conversation.

“I was studying international relationships. And yes, I needed two jobs. That's how I started to work at a bar.” I smiled at him “But I’m extremely thankful that we could have this opportunity and I can finally be here. Hopefully ones the qualification starts I can go close to the track and I can watch you guys.” I smiled at him while we reached the Mercedes’s office.

“If you want you can come and sit at the Alpha Tauri garage, I can give you a paddock pass, so you can watch everything from really close side” he smiled at me. God he has such a beautiful smile, and he seemed pretty happy because his eyes were smiling too.

“Uh yes sure, I have to see because if I need to help the others sadly it’s not an opportunity.”

“No problem, I can understand, but still it’s an open opportunity for you. And if you can’t do it, I can still visit you at the bar later on. And I can try all those wines and things that are on and off from the menu also.” He winked at me, and took one of the cards out of my hand, while starting to back up to the Ferrari’s office. “See you later Gina!” He smiled mischievously at me. I was totally shocked and I felt blushing.

“See you Pierre!” I waved back at him and I started to walk into the Mercedes’s office door.

——————————-

After free practice went down, fans started to leave, the paddock started to get a little bit less crowded. Sun was settling and the weather got a little bit better, it was sunny and started to be a bit warmer. I turned on the fairy lights and the other neon signs around the bar. I was putting some wine glasses into the small dishwasher, when Charles and Carlos sat down on the barstools.

“Hey boys, what would you like to have? I finally have some water which is not warm as yesterday.” I smiled at them while I patted my hand dry in my apron.

“Hey, Pierre actually showed us one of your menu cards and we have seen something good on it. We usually never drink on race weekends, but after today’s qualification we really need something. And the others will come also, so get prepared.” Charles smiled at me while pointing on the menu on one of the wines. I smiled and nodded while I started to put down two wine glasses in front of them, and started to open the asked wine bottle.

“Good choice, it’s a really nice dry red wine.” I started to pour the red liquid into the glasses for them.

“What’s your favourite?” Carlos asked while sniffing the wine in the glass.

“ I like this type but I’m more like a dry white wine type of one.” I smiled at them while pointing on my favourite ones on the menu for them to see.

“So are you gonna have one drink with us?” Pierre asked while sat down next to the two Ferrari drivers. Other drivers have arrived too, now I have had half of the grid at our bar. We have had Daniel, Mick, George, Lando, all of them sat down on the stools.

“I would love to but I have to be your waitress now, so it’s not an option” I giggled at them, and asking about what they would like to have. They were really nice, first I felt really stiff and awkward. I was really nervous but it quickly faded away when they started to joke around with each other, and they even included me into the conversation asking questions about me and my life.

“What a shame then I have to come back tomorrow so we can have that drink.” He winked at me looking up from his glass while having a cheeky smile plastered on his face. I felt my face heating up, and I looked down on my hand started to fidget with my apron.

#formula 1 imagine #pierre gasly imagine #formula 1 x reader #pierre gasly x you #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #pierre gasly x y/n #pierre gasly x oc #pierre gasly x reader #pierre gasly #daniel ricciardo #charles leclerc #lando norris #george russell #carlos sainz

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meowzfordayz · 2 years

Text

sickness/health

Author’s Note: Tanjirou = 👌🏽

sickness/health

Kamado Tanjirou x Reader

Word Count: ~800

CW: none

Emergency Request Fulfilled: hello ;; i'm very new to tumblr so forgive me if i'm getting this wrong somehow- but i've been dealing with a lot of health issues lately, and i was wondering if you'd be up for writing a fic with tanjirou and a nonbinary reader? where he takes care of them throughout their health issues (muscle pains and aches, weakness, headaches, heart palpitations), hums them to sleep when they can't manage, helps them stand, washes their hair, etc? thank you, i hope i'm doing this right ;;

~faqs~

Writing hcs bc my goodness this weekend’s heat has me lethargic and blarrrgh and vwygfuiwnwbibw lmao, buuut I still wanna write !! 🥵😵‍💫🤗

Also, just a friendly reminder (I promise this is a general reminder *not* directed toward anyone !!) that emergency request fanfics are typically shorter than my usual fanfics bc they’re (emergency requests) bumped to the front of my wips queue

In other words, to balance the fact that I prioritize them, I don’t necessarily write as much for them either

Muscle aches and pains

At the first sign of any discomfort, Tanjirou offers his touch

Gentle fingers circling your shoulders; tender thumbs pressing firmly into your neck; warm palms rubbing delicately along your ribs

Oftentimes, you don’t even have to ask

Subconsciously massaging your stomach?

Grimace, wince, or frown?

Exhale a little too loudly?

He’ll notice in a heartbeat, make his way to your side, and murmur, “Can I help?”

Doesn’t initiate contact tho w/o your consent (unless you’ve consented to him initiating w/o asking first)

If you’re not one for touch, then he’s happy to bring you ice packs, heated packs — whatever temperature tickles your fancy

Keeps track of medications (i.e. ibuprofen) for you

Weakness

Def the type to go overboard in assisting you, but never intends to be belittling or overbearing

Best to just have an honest convo w/ him about what you might want and need help w/

Outline what he can do for you on good, okay, and bad days

He’s just such a sweetheart, and will coddle you as much or as not much as you desire — leaning toward much if you don’t discuss boundaries beforehand

Believes you 100% whenever you tell him I need help

Doesn’t ever assume you’re taking advantage or exaggerating

Nor is he ever bothered by anyone badgering him for caring for you so diligently

“Isn’t it t e d i o u s?”

“No,” he’ll state with finality, tone leaving no room for further argument or harassment, “Loving them is a choice, and I will always choose them.”

Headaches

Serenades you (Tanjirou’s canonically tone deaf lmao) 💀

Again: keeps track of medications (i.e. ibuprofen) for you

As well as how much you’re drinking !! #hydration is key

Will drink w/ you in solidarity

Bc drinking water can be a struggle

Reads to you, goes on walks w/ you, prepares baths for you

Simple pleasures—activities—to hopefully distract you

If your headache’s really bad, then he’ll darken the bedroom, lay in bed beside you, and reassure you as many times as necessary that, “It’s okay to just lie in bed. It’s okay to be here. To be with me. Okay?”

Heart palpitations

Ngl

Idk a lot about these, and I don’t feel like researching ‘em rn 😅

But dw !!

Tanjirou would def feel like researching them for you 😁

And do what he can to ease/observe their symptoms/affects 🥺

Can’t sleep

Lets you arrange the bed however you please

No pillows? Five pillows?

Two blankets? Seven?

Sleep on your side? Back? Diagonally? Upside down?

W/ music or the tv on? No noise at all?

Fan whirling in the middle of winter? Comforter at the end of the bed in the middle of summer?

Whatever coaxes you to sleep, Tanjirou’s willing to tolerate

“Tan?” you whisper softly, voice tinged sour with guilt

“Hm?” he rasps immediately, strong arm snaking carefully around your waist, pulling himself closer to you, eyes barely open, “Bad dream?”

“No,” you sigh quietly, grabbing onto his hand, tucking it into your chest, “Can’t sleep.”

“Ah,” he nods slowly, kissing lightly behind your ear, “Want me to do the thing?”

“The thing?” you stifle a sleepy giggle

Low humming caresses your skin in response, time stilling for a languid moment, rhythmic rise and fall of his body curled against yours lulling you into security

If he waits until faint tendrils of dawn illuminate your hair—for you to truly, deeply, fall asleep—then he doesn’t mention it

HeLp he’s so precious 😭

Washing hair

Adores preparing baths for you

Bubbles, salts, oils

Tanjirou def goes on weekly excursions to local farmers’ markets or whatnot to stock up on handmade, independently crafted supplies

Remembers allergies, sensitivities, preferences — has yet to buy something that’s irritated you (as in, your body/skin)/that you’ve disliked

Took trial and error for him to master washing your hair, but nowadays you swear he could get a job at a celebrity salon or something

Your hair seems happier being washed by him ??

Shinier, fewer split ends, can go longer between washes

Altho perhaps that’s bc he uses fancy products…

“Smells good,” you smile tiredly, “New shampoo?”

“Not exactly,” he chuckles fondly, “Bought this a few months ago.”

“I love it.”

He loves it too

Loves how you melt under his ministrations, tension in your spine dissipating ever so slightly; the sweet, flickering scent of your contentment mingling with the lingering calmness of the rose tinted bath water

#tanjiro kamado #tanjirou kamado #kamado tanjiro #kamado tanjirou #tanjiro x reader #tanjirou x reader #kamado x reader #headcanons #modern au #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer

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officialbillhader · 1 year

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Being an adult and having to actually do stuff that my parents used to do can lead to a strange series of events. Like my goal was to cut my cat's nails bc they were getting long. But ive got him on his back already so i might as well check him for fleas bc we've been fighting fleas for months in my apartment. And i see a few fleas so now after i cut his nails i have to force a pill down his throat so the feas will be killed. Except cutting his nails and being forced to swallow a pill irritates him so afterwards i make sure to love on and play with him to try and teach him to associate negative things with good experiences. And im playing with him and woah! Hes trying to eat a teeny tiny screw! So i take the screw away from him and im like, i think this goes to my laptop. And sure enough it does! Im not sure how long that screws been sitting on my carpet but im just happy to have found it before i vacuum this weekend. Except im not quite sure where i put my teeny tiny screwdriver (the one i took from my organization's large amazon order bc we ordered like 12 cases of lights and each one came with a teeny tiny screwdriver and i thought that having one could be pretty useful one day) so i start checking the drawer that im /pretty/ sure, but not positive, its in. But the drawer is a junk drawer and theres too much junk for me to find the screwdriver so i think maybe i put it in my toolkit. It isnt in my toolkit. So i check my bike toolkit. Maybe its in there. It was not. So i decide its either in the junk drawer or it got lost. I start to take everything out of the junk drawer. I find some dollar store lights that im not using anymore but still have the batteries in them. I realize the batteries need to be taken out so i dont risk them corroding in the battery pack. But i also wonder why i didnt take them out when i put them in the drawer and lo and behold its bc it needs a teeny tiny screwdriver to open the pack! I keep taking stuff out of the drawer. I find that theyre a lot of wires in the drawer, even tho i have a different drawer meant for various wires. I finally find the screwdriver! Yay! I take the batteries out of the pack, set them aside (with the other random battery i found in the drawer), then go put the screw back in my laptop. And tighten all the others while im at it. I then put the teeny tiny screwdriver in my toolkit because it is a tool afterall. Its safer in there (i hope). Then i put the wires in the wire drawer and the rest of the junk back in the junk drawer. But now i also have 3 batteries to take care so i grab my battery daddy (a late christmas present that started as a joke until it was in my hands 3 days after christmas bc my mom found it for sale in kroger) and test the batteries. One is low, one is good, and one is dead. Two good ones go in the daddy. And now i can feel satisfied right? Except suddenly its 1 am and my cat still wants to play

#awesomepie3221 #whenever i haven't written in a while i start writing dumb long posts like this one on tumblr #i almost wrote todsy but instead finished an assignment

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i-drink-and-i-write-fics · 2 years

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Hello! Congrats on 400!!! I was wondering if I could get a Marvel pairing (preferably X-Men)? My pronouns are she/her and either male or female preference is good.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬: I have massive introverted tendencies and am awkward in nature with new people. As a result I can come across as aloof and indifferent at first. I’m usually too much in my head daydreaming and thinking. I absolutely despise small talk. However with my friends I’m quite friendly and outgoing. Whenever I’m with my friends I can get really giggly and dorky when talking abt my recent hyperfixations. I open up to people very easily if we have similar interests. I tend to either overthink everything or not think at all. I’m a bit of a control freak and want to do the things the way I do them but I won’t enforce this on anyone else unless the result directly affects me. Just let me do things the way I do them. I'm also quite dedicated and ambitious on what I want in my life and will stand by those decisions.

𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗦: New media art. I love to creative code. I love working with interaction design, web design, user experience and user interfaces. I also love creating special effects, and 3D/2d modeling. Apart from this, I love digital illustration and character design.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦: let’s just say I spend way too much time daydreaming. Fan fiction, video games, movies, books, tv shows. Anything that lets me daydream and disappear from reality for a while is a hobby of mine. I also love working out and weight lifting.

LIKES: I love lazy weekends at home, classic arcades, coffee, learning random new facts, spending time alone, intelligence, creativity, a good sense of witty humor, conversations where you can just be yourself and skip all the awkward small talk, the look on people’s faces when they ramble abt the stuff they’re into, a good home cooked meal, summer and warm weather, a good giggling session with friends esp abt fictional crushes ahahha.

DISLIKES: physical touch (tho I do warm up to the people I’m close too), large crowds, cold weather, admitting my anxieties, talking on the phone, and small talk

Thank you! ❤️

Congrats once again!

Thank you!

Whew! I loved all this detail! And the X-Men were my first introduction to Marvel so I definitely had quite the roster to choose from. But, since not all are comic book readers I will stick to the movies. So!

Hank McCoy seems like the gentleman for your life. He’s shy about physical touch because of how his powers can change him so he’s totally accepting you needing that space. But that other form of his is an added bonus during those cold nights when you do feel like cuddling.

Like you, Hank doesn’t care for small talk as it makes him feel awkward so once you two feel comfortable, he’ll love to hear you go on and on about your favorite subject. And gush about his in return.

He’ll make room for you in his lab to show you all the new things he’s working on, asking for your input in areas such as interaction design and user interfaces.

You may clash as he will want things a certain way as well, but he will be willing to communicate on what can and cannot be compromised.

Hank is a bit of a work-a-holic so he’ll definitely need you to take the lead and remind him that a lazy weekend is just as important as one packed with experiments. Maybe even take him to one of your favorite arcades and coffee afterwards.

The big, blue baddy will move the world for you and you’ll be an unstoppable pair in Xavier’s team.

Thanks again for the ask, @danzalladaggers!

#ask a mutant #sleepover celebration #character pairing #hank mccoy #beast #x-men #danzalladaggers

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billie80808 · 4 days

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4/18 - on my way to work a goose was walking towards me in the middle of the road. asshole. I spent the morning immediately ravelling and watching YouTube, then we had a safety meeting but T let me skip it cause I had a ton of work. they talked about s's goose fight, she had to get 7 stitches in her head. holy shit. talked to T afterwards about it and turns out she was also pregnant. id quit too. G needed help with a shipment but actually he didn't and we ended up just talking about his car and how shein is taking advantage of duty loopholes and we're tryna go to court to stop em. ravelled all day. watched this anime called zombie Land Saga, it's cute. thought about trans stuff. I'm tired lmao. had lunch w mom, poke, talked about her real estate stuff and how my dad is an asshole and her allergy shots and aunt K's business that she let fall apart and B and how he backpacked Europe when she had me and she gave me a red velvet crumble cookie and a chocolate chip one for K. and I tried this maple cake one she had and it was delicious. when she left the goose wranglers showed up and I headed in and mom sat in the parking lot watching her while D and I stood in the stairwell watching as well and talking about suba and why they use border collies and then M rolled up and joined us and told us he had a one legged deer in his yard and I said "one leg????" and he meant 3 but that shit is hilarious. just a deer hopping around. or dragging itself. that's terrifying. spent the rest of the afternoon ravelling and watching that anime, got most of it done, oh yeah this morning I figured out this thing that my phone has been doing for months where I can't make or receive calls. finally sorted that. hopefully for good. came home, shaved, did my makeup, looked cute, worked on homework, watched a supereyepatchwolf vid about fake games, got a unit done, made poblano tacos, smoked, chainsaw man, dark souls, beeeeeeed. I felt really sad most of the day about just, trans stuff lol. enough of that for now.

4/19 - slept good, woke up awake, work was chill. spent all day pretty much ravelling and watching YouTube vids, some vids about trans manga, bought the flashlight M showed us at S's bachelor party in fuckin 2019, had it on the list forever lmao. can't wait. planned more of the trip with the cousins, went to Wawa on lunch for soda and zyn and a banana. fuck it, zyn every once in a while. I'm gonna have to quit eventually if I wanna transition, so I'ma enjoy it til then. calculated my net worth, did my time card, finished up stretch testing before I left. oh yeah I made a new insta. it'll be my main insta eventually, probably. I really like the name Elyse, and I like the portamenteau (redacted), so I made that the name and it'll probably be my artist name as well. blocked everyone I could think of, still private for now tho. ran in (redacted) after work for 40 minutes and got rained on, came home and showered, shaved, booster, makeup. talked to K about Taylor swifts new album. also a dude set himself on fire outside the trump trial. goth makeup, talked to K about makeup tips, worked on homework til 10. texted Dad about the pool and his new grill, guess he misses me he was blowing me up. mixed feelings. texted A about finances and she got a second job waiting tables, that's kewl. K ordered red robin earlier so I'ma eat and then play dark souls.

4/22 - decent weekend. painted my nails. spent the rest of Friday playing dark souls and watching YouTube vids, one about conservative comedy by Big Joel, another about the apple vision pro and how it's some black mirror shit, obv. stayed up too late. Saturday up around 1030, played balatro and watched YouTube, eventually got packed up and rolled out to band at noon. we got the basement room, I brought my laptop and some shit to record, Jonathan gave me a lil interface to use and I got a decent recording of all of our songs with placeholder vocals. solid practice. we're planning on covering sweet leaf by black sabbath so we worked on that a little as well but I need to actually learn the song. rolled out at 4, headed home, K was out with S and S so I worked on music for a bit before fucking myself in the bedroom, then like, it was 4/20 so I got mad high all night and made music and played dark souls. I don't remember how the rest of the night went. I watched Conan on hot ones tho and started watching his travel show. downloaded some plugins for Ableton, tried to soothe my sore ass neck. years ago this YouTuber I used to watch, Joe goes, came out of hiatus to make a video saying hey, I transitioned, I'm lily now. and at the time I was like, good for her ya know. rewatched it Saturday night, I don't know how that shit didn't crack my egg. like so much of it rung true to me. anyways. was up til like 230.

Sunday got up around 10, ate, watched YouTube and caught up on the chainsaw man manga. watched chappell rone's tiny desk concert and it fucking blew me away, she's incredible. played more balatro, eventually got working on homework, laundry, etc. shaved, did my makeup but like, lightly. went on a run at fair hill, in makeup, nails painted, did 4 miles and felt like, amazing. I mean the run was good but going out like that, I was really proud of myself. so minor tho. but then I went to Wawa for zyn and was kinda terrified but I did it. it's a step. gotta stop the zyn tho. anyways. came home, stretched, showered, worked on music a bit, more homework til I finished a unit, made a lil insta vid of the beat I was working on and then chilled and ate and smoked and played dark souls til bed around 11, which went poorly because I ruined my sleep schedule again.

it's Monday now, frazzled brain, watched a video about negative space and left a long comment, texted M about disco Elysium and we talked about Hades. talked to N about orthodontics. K is going to the derm later. made an Amazon cart with camping stuff, ran growth, played balatro, read too much reddit, thought about trans ness as per usual. that vid from yesterday did better than any other vid I've put on tiktok, so that's sick. one of those days where I can't keep up with my brain so I'm just along for the ride, I'm also physically exhausted from the run, trails are brutal. K and I are doing good, like, nothing has improved as far as, like, everything, but our conversations have been nice. and it's nice watching a show with her again. she's been really helpful with makeup info and style advice. idk, things have just been more pleasant.

the mantra has been "be nice to yourself" and it's gone a long way, I think. like before on days like today I'd be like "dumbass, you smoked too much and didn't sleep and now the day is ruined and you feel crazy. you're fucking up, yada yada". but now I'm like, fuck, I'm human. I did a lot this weekend. I'm kinda crushing it. I'm also like, on the daily, realizing how uncomfortable I am and have been in my body and starting to piece together reasons for my anxieties and behaviors. and the fact that I've managed to pull my shit together so well despite constantly teetering on the edge of depression and fighting the urge to flee from sobriety, like, I'm proud of myself. and I've done 39 credits this semester, you go girl. I'm mad nervous about the idea of medically transitioning, like at some angles I see a girl in the mirror but I'm nowhere near passible when dolled up. hair will help for sure, but like, I don't know. but if HRT helps my mental and I just end up looking like a feminine guy with boobs, I think I'm okay with that. as long as I feel better. and if not, I just stop before the boobs lmao. anyways, this accounting class is kicking my ass. I'll get it, but it's a lot of ratios and CVP analysis and it's breaking my brain. I'm gonna take this afternoon to get some cleaning done and maybe work on music, just chill out and get back to it tomorrow. gonna talk to D tomorrow and maybe plan the trip, been debating coming out to him, we'll see. the guy from that band hit me up with more songs and I feel bad but I gotta bail out of that, I definitely don't have time to be in another band, especially one where I'm not even in the band, I'm just free help.

oh yeah, I listened to some early 2010s dubstep Sunday, noisia, that shit slaps.

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irregulardiaryposts · 2 months

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20:40 07/03/2024

okay wow well its been well over two years since i updated this 'diary' blog lol

so weird seeing all those old posts about being a teenager with existential thoughts lol i dont really think like that anymore, at least not so much. i guess an update is in order then lmao okay so im in my 3rd year of uni now and im doing my year abroad! doing it in a small city in spain and i really quite like my job, ive only got 14hrs, i have a 3 day weekend, the city is small so i can walk everywhere and this job really gives me a sense of purpose that ive been missing in my life. makes me really realise that university is NOT for me lmfao i was so depressed during my second year i probs went to like 20% of my classes loool. im pretty sure i mightve almost failed aswell but since the professors were doing a marking boycott they released grades without marking the final exam and so since i was already doing well enough in all my classes i passed! quite lucky i think cos i wouldve been so entirely embarrassed and ashamed if i had to repeat a year cos of mental health. i think things are better here tho my issues havent disappeard completely like eg i have these evening classes 6-7.40pm tuesdays and thursdays and for the past like month i havent attended :/ at first it was cos i was sick (i think it was covid lol either from glasgow or on the plane back idk) and then i just didnt go back to class. i think my main excuse is that that is dinner time for me and i dont wanna move dinner time lol. but also i think the class itself is just not for me i dont feel like i learn a whoooole lot while im there and learning on apps is easier for me? but i always felt better for going to the classes cos i was like ha! im not depressed would a depressed person do this!? but of course depression doesnt work like that and i think i need medicated ! but that seems too scary to say. but at least i found someone to do a language exchange with! ive only had one hour with her in spanish, which was yesterday, but i already feel like ive improved lmaooo like i literally dreamt last night in a mix of spanish and english ahahahah cos when i think about it i literally have not ever regularly spoken spanish, ive only really spoken for activies in class or speaking exams so no wonder i have 0000 confidence in my speaking abilities but im hopeful that this will really improve my speaking :) about my job i guess- i work in a high school and i really enjoy interacting with the kids they really do make every day different and more interesting so i am grateful for them but sometimes damnnn sometimes i wanna jump out the window especially with this third year class they are the class KNOWN for being a bitof a pain lol and sometimes i have to lead the class by myself lmaooo mid u ik im 20 but i dont look it and they certainly dont treat me like an adult or a teacher and ngl they are a bit disrespectful at times but also what are u gonna do they are 14 and i have no proper teaching experience to help them by myself i can only hope that im actuallt helping them learn english lol. it is quite difficult tho with my scottish accent to try and sound as clear as possible because i pronounce almost 100% of the vowel sounds differently than rp english which is what i think they are used to so i have to realllyyyy annunciate all my words and man is it tiring lol.

what else. im going to madrid this weekend with bestie and im really looking forward to having a relaxing and fun time but i still havent packed my bags looooooool i alwyas do this tho and its fine not a big deal at all but i def need to do it tonight cos im leaving tomorrow immediately after work so ill have to have an actual breakfast and take snacks with me. im really enjoying my time in spain or at least im trying to but i feel like i have pushed myself enough out my comfort zone to be able to look back on this and say yeah i really took advantage of that. like i think i need to be more personable (is that a word yes it is i used it right) in teaching and be more interactive with them and stuff also i feel like i shoulve arranged a language exchange sooner cos i think this will really help, and i need to interact more with the other assistant but the thing is is im just not a sociable personnnnnnn aghgh. any way cutting this short cos i need to pack my bags for my trupppppp

#not using the tagging system i did on other posts i dont think theyre ever likely to be useful lmao

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onlyjaeyun · 3 months

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i will actually beat the shit out of fuma i thought he was decent?????? but at the end of the day he’s still a man so i should’ve known🥲 WHAT A WAY TO START OFF THIS ASK LMAO HI ZADIE BABY 🎀💫!!!!

no cause i totally see where riki is coming from and although he crossed the line by beating the guy up, he’s still young and literally JUST had that encounter with his mom so he’s got a lot of pent up anger, my poor baby :((( he deserves a happy story the way ch!sunghoon and ch!yn do too🥺🥺 currently preparing myself for this next angst wave bc omg is fuma finally leaving the picture which means more character development for hoon & yn???👀👀👀

anyway baby i’m feeling much better today!! slept a bit more throughout the day so hoping for a full recovery soon🤞🏻💞 my cousin and i got an email back from the apartment complex we applied to, and we got approved!!!!! our move in date is this weekend, but i’m going to spend a couple more days to rest and hopefully start packing and moving things slowly next week!!

also im sorry your cake didn’t turn out the way you wanted to :(( baking is hard!! but i’m sure the next time your results will be even better than the previous one! take care of yourself my love!!! ilysm mwah💋✨💞

- 💌

hi my sweetest love 🥺 firstly i'm really happy to hear that you're feeling better and have decided to rest a little more, you really do deserve and need this so pls make sure to get whatever your body needs!🥺💗 and congratulations on the new apartment, so so so excited for you to start this new chapter!🥺💗

onto CH: i'm honestly so glsd we all understood how and why riki reacted the way he did and why he said that bc i was lowkey scared y'all would hate him too much 😭 don't worry tho, i will have him make up for this very soon! and dont worry!!!! fuma's not a bad guy at all, there's just been a bit of backstabbing and exaggerating from that freshman's side to annoy riki!!!! he's a good guy but this was needed for the upcoming plot!💗🤪

thank you so much for this, honestly i'm so tired and have just noticed how mentally exhausted i am bc pf work and uni and all of that, can't wait for exam season to be over tbh 😭

sending you the biggest kiss baby, i love you 🥺💗🎀

#; mailbox 📬#; cold hearts

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theimportanceofnotme · 5 months

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12/10/2023

I have so much going on in my head tonight. I don't even know where to start or how to rummage through my mess of a mind. I guess I'm just gonna start off with what's popping up the most at this very moment. I'm not sure If i mentioned the whole situation with Dante, and Dylan. I found myself panicking once again and I fell into a pretty deep manic episode that led me to doing Coke, Partying almost every night, going out and finding anyone to talk to about anything as long as they looked like they were listening to me and called me pretty. But anyways, I moved out of my parents house and found a little one bedroom apartment not too far from my parents house. At the time I was making good Money working for DCF as a Caregiver/Companion for foster kids in group homes. I was bringing home $1,000+ every week. So affording an $850/Monthly apartment felt like nothing. I was willing to pinch pennies essentially. The main reason I actually went through with getting the apartment was because I was starting to show little signs here and there of me going into a manic episode. I got approved and signed off on the apartment and I got the keys. It was summer time and I hate being hot so I managed to get a bunch of friends and people to help me move my things in. Then my friend Katelyn moved in too cause she didn't have anywhere else to go since basically everyone kicked her out for not having a stable job. Her and I started to reconnect again after some time not seeing each other in person. It was nice. We would have coffee together and smoke a joint outside my room window. It was really nice actually. But I had a boyfriend, Dante. And don't get me wrong I love him to pieces but he was drinking a lot and making my life a little harder by always doing the opposite of what I was asking or advising or anything really. He would show up unannounced and obnoxiously ring my doorbell which scared my friend cause Trauma is a running theme. Eventually I got tired of it and I broke up with him out of frustration. I didn't think we were actually 100% broken up tho cause I love him. But after ending things with him that's when everything started to go downhill. I got frustrated with everyone and everything. I was ready to pack up and move out of state to start over completely. But instead I ghosted my extremely well paying job, I started going to the club on the weekdays and the bar with my roommate on the weekends. I started talking a lot more to an old friend. His name is Dylan. He was cute and very nice to me. I would vent to him vaguely about my problems with Dante and he would listen and let me know that everything happens for a reason which I've always believed so it was nice hearing it from someone else. Eventually Dylan and I started to Fuck and it turned into something I didn't view as intensely serious like an actual relationship it was more like were stuck with each other for all of eternity but were only friends. Him and I spent 2 months Fucking 4 times a day. I loved it cause when I was with Dante him and I maybe fucked three times a month and I think I have normal libido but Dante's was just barely existing. Anyways I started to calm down from the Manic episode which is when it hit me I was going to lose the apartment cause I had no job and I had forgotten to pay rent, I finally realized I told Dante I didn't want anything to do with him, I realized I had been fucking my friend every single day without birth control. It all came crashing on top of me bright and early in the morning. I called Dante that day and he handed the phone to his mother who calmed me down as I was hysterical on the phone and she showed up at my door with water and open arms. She brought Dante with my permission and after she had calmed me down enough she left me with him to talk about everything and I'll admit I did lie to him about only fucking Dylan once but I didn't think it was really needed for him to know he gave me the best sex I had had in a very long time.

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