#i have part of the series of unfortunate events except the cover art is from the netflix show which i fucking hate so

[cinnabeat]

cleaned my room slightly and i never realized how many fucking books i have

#theres like five books there that i still need to read #like #hold on let me count how many i have in this massive pile #ok 30 books #sux of those are the lunar chronicle box set #12 are random books #and the rest are all pjo related 💀 #i have more in my actual bookshelf #like books in general #like i have another set of lunar chronicles that i got individually when i was first reading them #so they have the original cover art and the box set had this new cover art that i really wanted lmao #i have part of the series of unfortunate events except the cover art is from the netflix show which i fucking hate so #i might donate them and buy the original cover box sets #and then i have a shit ton of novels from over the years #mostly aimed at younger people obvs #theyre still good tho #hm i need new books i think #i need to read more #anyways #i have too many pjo books #and i never did find the kane chronicles :( #i sent a pic to my freind of all my books like wow i have way too many books #and he had the audacity to tell me if i planned to sell or donate them #like bitch no these are mine #that i bought with my money over the years #like hell im giving them away #michi tag

[taiblogcomics]

My Little Taury: Friendship is Parodic

Hey there, sheep of your dreams. A rare update for Leap Day! Honestly, couldn't have picked a better series for this to happen during. Seems fitting, no?

Here's the cover:

All right, now you kind of see why I wanted to review this series, eh~? So here are the Taurs, the MLP/Smurfs hybrids that closed out last issue. We'll be getting to know them a bit more closely in this one, so that's all I'll tell you here. Instead, let's analyse these cutie marks. There's some classically evil stuff: skull and crossbones, inverted pentagram, Bill Cipher… A couple over here have Backstabber and Money=Power… Easily the most baffling one is the "stock woman on truck's mudflaps silhouette". What kinda traits does that confer~?

Our hero(?) Steve Harmon wishes to rid himself of his Slapstick persona, and to that end, he's hired tech goon Quasimodo to research a solution. Since Dimension Ecch gave him his powers, a trip back should undo it. They open a makeshift portal, but are detected and apprehended by SHIELD offshoot ARMOR before they can use it. Turns out there's been a rash of incursions from the dimension, including Bro-Man last issue, and they want to know the connection. When another incursion occurs and the Taurs invade, Slapstick volunteers to take care of it to throw ARMOR off his scent.

We actually join this issue by checking in with Slapstick's buddy Mike, who's working at an art supply shop in a mall in Paramus. He's recounting the events of last issue to his co-worker Jenny, noting how it'll make a great scene for his graphic novel. She's mostly feigning interest, privately thinking how it won't last six issues. Yes, very droll, a wink and a nod to the fourth wall. Except Mike's pitching a graphic novel. They aren't sold issue by issue. Maybe Jenny doesn't know that, but I do, and the distinction is something I love to nitpick~

While Mike continues to go on about presenting it at New York Comic Con, he suddenly feels a sudden sharp pain. He turns to find himself being attacked by one of the Taurs. He yells for Jenny that one of the high-end toys from Kay-Bee has gone Westworld, but that doesn't make any sense. Kay-Bee Toys went out of business in 2009! He seizes the Taur, berating it for breaking the First Law of Robotics, only to now have a view outside into the rest of the mall. The rest of the Taurs are running a slaughter over the other mall patrons.

Slapstick is teleported in, and he starts gleefully going to town on the Taurs. It's a fun fight scene, because keep in mind the Taurs are exactly as small as you think. Basically the size of a FiM brushable pony. Less than six inches tall, I'd say. So while Slapstick has the size on them, the Taurs have the numbers, evening the odds. They also have pointier weapons, at least at first. Once they jab him in the eyes, Slapstick utters the utterly immortal lines "No more Mr. Nice Clown! I'm reaching into my angry pants!" God, I love comic books.

Thankfully, Slapstick has no junk, so he won't be arrested for this. Instead, what he pulls from his pants is Bro-Man's sword. It's already been proven that this sword can cut through electroplasm creatures (but not actually kill them), and it's just as effective on the Taurs as it was at bisecting Bro-Man. In fact, it can cut through anything, and Slapstick's wild swinging unfortunately has him cut through a load-bearing support beam to the level above, collapsing part of the mall's walkway on top of him, losing the sword in the rubble.

Before the Taurs can advance again, they're halted by some weapons above. Mike and Jenny turn up, having raided the crafting store they work in to deck themselves out in post-apocalypse armour and makeshift weapons. This gives Slapstick the chance to haul himself out of the heap, where he finds another Taur in his hair. Before he can heave the invader, she has him halt. Introducing herself as Taurette (which thankfully does not lead to the joke you probably think it might), she offers to help Slapstick defeat her brethren if he spares her.

See, she's the only female among her people, and thus is constantly subject to taursplaining and the male gaze. So she requests asylum on the champion's world. Slapstick agrees, not bothering to tell her that his own people are just as bad. She tells them that the Taurs fear only one thing: the Sorceror Supreme of their dimension, Gorgonzola. He's a wizard who's out to capture the Taurs because they excrete gold. Well, at least he doesn't want to eat them. Slapstick gets a crafty look in his eye. Appropriate, since they're also holed up in the craft store.

As the Taurs--led by their red-hatted, bearded leader, Patriarchy Taur--prepare to regroup, suddenly another bearded figure in red flies overhead. The wizard Gorgonzola declares the Taurs have no refuge from his magic in this realm. In close-up, however, it's clearly Mike being hoisted by a rope, while Taurette hides in his fake beard and feeds him lines. The Taurs all soil themselves in terror--which, I remind you, means they all shit out gold nuggets. The sight of all that wealth gets the better of Slapstick, and he drops the rope he's hoisting Mike/Gorgonzola with, right on top of the Taurs.

The Taurs fortunately don't grasp the deception, but they do notice "Gorgonzola" has Taurette, and attempt to recapture her back to their village. Slapstick re-seizes the rope and swings into the fray, pulling Mike aside. He grabs Taurette from the horde, and not knowing how else to protect her, stuffs her down his inter-dimensional pants. Being stuffed down a clown's pants would traumatise anyone, and Taurette snaps at having to cope with this. She declares she will never be a damsel in distress again and grabs a nearby pocket knife defiantly.

Cutting a hole to free herself, Taurette bursts out of Slapstick's pants, causing a load of his stored objects to also come spilling out. Though briefy embarassed at being in his briefs, Slapstick tells Mike and Taurette to run for it while he holds them off. He doesn't initially have a plan until he spots something among the junk: the robot gun-arm he took from Quasimodo in issue 1. The one that shoots a horrifying electroplasm-disrupting beam. He immediately begins scrambling the Taurs into colourful puddles of goo.

The beam only destabilises them, however, it doesn't kill them. They're still alive and aware, and the big pastel puddle begins swirling around Slapstick. Before he can drown in a pool of Taur juices, the ARMOR agents show up with a big vacuum containment device, sucking up the goo formally known as the Taurs. Taurette buddies up to the competent women who just saved the day, while Slapstick tries not to make an ass of himself despite being literally caught with his pants down. The agent he's crushing on gives him a number to call if another incursion happens, and he treats it like a personal number.

The agents depart with Taurette, and Slapstick and Mike leave with the Taurs' golden leavings. A few days go by, and Mike drops by Slapstick's (parents') house to show off having redrawn his comic pages again. At least he's perfecting his craft! He finds Slapstick hopped up on coffee, having spent the last few days re-creating the portal to Dimension Ecch, deliberately in spite of ARMOR's warnings. Unfortunately, as the comic ends, he didn't successfully remake the portal--he made a device that ports Dimension Ecch's nonsense to this dimension, bringing several inanimate objects to cartoony life~

Well, this issue's a lot of fun. It's the least excessively-violent so far, only a bit of blood at the beginning. The Taurs being hyper violent is an excellent joke, contrasting how gentle their two blending series (My Little Pony and The Smurfs) are. The issue is a lot of fight scenes, but it's a lot of cartoony fun in the fight scenes. Most of the comics I complain about just being an issue of fight scenes (see: The Culling or any given Suicide Squad issue) are just schlocky action movie fodder, while this one is more like a stereotypical episode of Tom & Jerry. And also, despite this series not being above lowbrow, crude humour--the jockstrap pile, the Taurs crapping gold, all the mentions of Slapstick's dingus--I applaud it for knowing where the line is and not doing the obvious joke regarding Taurette's name. Kudos, comic~

#comics #reviews #Slapstick #The Awesome Slapstick #Taiblog

[patchies]

Shadows

Pairing: Dream x Reader x ???

Summary: An apocalyptic world where creatures of the night roam all around it. Searching for living beings to satisfy their hunger. Vicious creatures they are. It’s said that one person called upon their wrath in revenge. You awake in this place with another human being at your side. No memories whatsoever of the life you’ve had prior to coming here. In search of a way out, and your memories, you stumble upon multiple people with many personalities. Some can’t wait to meet you. If you take it the friendly or hostile way is up to you, but worry not… Nothing can hurt you. Or can it, now?

Warnings: none that I can think of

Word Count: 2.8+k

Author's note: hi, hi, hi! I bring you a new chapter after what... 1 and a half months of not uploading anything? My apologies are probably not enough, but I have been working on chapters, I promise! And, drum roll, please, I might have some art in store for this series. It isn't done, yet, but I'm trying to work on it, guys!

Wattpad link: here

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Chapter 4: Forming Friendship

As the sun starts off the next day, you and Nick depart from your home in search of more resources. He throws in a suggestion that you should spread out, so you could cover more ground, and you agree- not like you have anything else to do for the meantime. Unless you want to be stuck at home playing some card games Nick had found while searching for the paint buckets.

You search the places south, just outside the town. All the buildings look the same to your wondering eyes, nothing valuable piquing your interest that much, so you rather opt for wandering further. Through the greenery until a clearing reveals itself before you.

A beautiful and elegant meadow stretches across the horizon. As if a page was torn from a fairy-tale book, and rightfully so. The only thing missing is a royal castle or fairies' houses. Pollen flies in the air and swirls around you enchantingly and a surge of calmness goes through your being. An accommodation in your body along with the feeling of delight.

The nature has truly taken over most of the world.

It's not like you can complain, really. Colours, textures and elements flow with each other in a beautiful harmony, creating an almost painting-like picture that you can marvel at.

Deep down, you were always a fan of the quietness Mother nature has offered you at times in need. Whenever you felt down, really.

You slightly remember how it helped you with your anxiety, shyness and depression when you used to be socially awkward and unwilling to do something about it. It felt peaceful compared to the continuous pressure many people used to put on you. Not many people were harsh on you, but your social battery could take so much until all you were ready to do was just lie down, put on a playlist of your favourite songs and chill. They denied your want to be left alone when the only thing you needed was space and your own time. Their faces are now blurry images of faces you once used to know, but you don't know if you'll ever get back to your life or how long it might take.

I should throw away my pessimistic thoughts…

That was a part of the old you, though. You'd like to think that you're better now, but your pessimism has stayed with you nonetheless. It's about time you started working on it and who knows? You might get to form plenty friendships here who will be willing to help you.

With a shake of your messy hair, you focus back to the beauty in front of you, pushing the vines away and walking towards the flowery meadow.

Yellow grains contrast gorgeously with the sparse greenery the field has to offer here and there.

You bent down and pluck one of the many Dahlias near your feet, putting the pistil close to your nose.

Sniff, sniff, sniff

The flower alone doesn't smell alluring or sweet, like anything. The stem and leaves, on another note, smell bitter with a slight flowery undertone. It strikes a sense of serenity in you as you inspect the innocent white petals be carried away from you by the wind, flying off to the clear sky to join the fine powdery substance.

You let go of the stem and watch it be snatched, following its trace until it falls between the loads of flowers.

Just then, a gentler breeze begins and takes a handful of leaves of the ground, aiming just below a small hill to your left as if it had a mind of its own. You realize that it might actually do as it points you to a lone building sitting at the base, overflown with the finest flora you've ever faced.

A mere bookshop from what you can see from the distance. The walls are built from brick and it still seems in a decent shape, except the nature, but that gives it a special charm. A great place to get away from all this chaotic and death-threating events for even a while.

You carefully move through the grass and blossoms, trekking your way up to it.

• • •

Meanwhile, somewhere far away from you, a deer curiously, yet cautiously, examines you from a cliffside looking over the whole meadow. Its doe eyes flick from you to a small fawn by its side.

It huffs, shakes its head and turns, departing into the forest.

• • •

The inside is wondrous, despite your expectations of it being completely trashed.

Bookshelves line the walls and are all filed with all styles of literature. Slightly used, torn and unkept. It gives you an idea how no one surely visits this place. The place looks great, so it doesn't make much sense to you. You cannot help but be a little happy over the fact at that despite the telling signs of its abandonment.

Your hand automatically lifts up to slide over the spines of the books, keeping your touch light as you advance further inside. The rough, yet extremely soothing, texture extracts a small smile from you and you close your eyes. You begin dragging your other appendage across the parallel shelf until a thud makes you shoot your eyes open in alert, whipping your head behind you, but finding nothing out of ordinary.

With your now unsure footsteps, you slowly walk to the end of the aisle in front of you, peeking around the corner.

You catch sight of a short boy sitting in front of a shelf, or rather a stand, with comic books. He's sat down near the middle where the wooden stand is, flipping through each comic with haste.

A messy brown nest of hair sits atop his head while a flower crown with some scarce plastic bees thrown in reasts atop and a long green scarf messily wrapped around his neck. It strangely compliments his look that is styled with green, golden and black and despite the apocalyptic surroundings and lack of proper resources, you're surprised he's styled it very prettily.

A black stylish coat with golden accents is thrown on the floor near him along with his messenger bag, its contents peeking out. Especially the thick book with a pack of pencils. You wonder what the book contains, but maybe you'll get a chance to see it sometime.

You cautiously and carefully lean against a counter near you, observing the young boy as he shuffles through numerous comics. He huffs out a long sigh, throwing another book aside. It comes tumbling down back to him due to the amount he has already piled on top of each other. His nimble fingers pick up another one, swiping through it with precision.

He mumbles something quietly, softly putting the comic onto another pile beside him that is neat compared to the other one.

This demeanour continues for a long minute, basically choosing a book in a ratio that one is kept and twelve are thrown away. He never seems too happy with his decision, frowning at some in sadness despite having to give up on them. You don't understand why he doesn't put them onto the obvious piles of his favourites, but you stand in your place.

Having enough of watching, you whistle too loudly to get his attention.

Only to see the guy jump up in the air and slip on a paper he has previously abandoned on the ground. He pointlessly flails his arms around until his elbow hits the ground first, followed by his hip and the rest of his body.

You wince.

As if caught in the headlights, he spins his head to you. The previously left out paper now present on his head. You see confusion, fear and surprise fight against who will persevere on his face, so you lower your shoulders back down and give him an awkward smile, “Uh, sorry?”

He unsurely stumbles to his feet and dusts his clothes off, tightening the scarf around his neck with tense movement. His eyes widen and he makes a quick, though awkward, show of pulling out a stick?

He fumbles around with it for a bit before it extends into a normal looking sword, posing heroically, “I'll- uh, stab you! Yeah! I'll use this sword to stab you.”

You quirk an eyebrow at his choice of words, and at the adorable stutter he did, “Do you even know how to wield a sword?”

“Of course, I do! Wait- do I? No, no, no, you're just trying to make me look silly. I do know-”

Cue an uncoordinated swing of the sharpened weapon at his own leg, but at least his reaction time seems to be fast and he slides his foot out of harm's way just in time. One he created, and he watches as the sword penetrates the wooden boards and he struggles to pull it out.

His action makes you doubt his abilities further and a you can't help the small giggle that escapes you, raising your arms in mock defence when he sends you a defensive glare, “You- you cannot be serious. Quit the child's play, I'm not here to hurt you.”

He stays quiet, still pulling on the handle of the sword with unfortunate outcomes. It slips out of his fists multiple times and he sighs before flopping down onto the floor, defeated, “I guess I really don't know.”

You choose not to retort any sassy comeback to his gloomy self, rather analysing his figure and approaching the weapon. Arms still held above your head to show you don't plan on attacking, your features soft, “Mind me getting the weapon for you? I won't use it against you, I promise.”

“Go ahead,” he gives you an absent wave of his hand and only stares as you grip the handle.

At first, you tug and nothing happens, so you try holding it at a specific place and are delighted when you feel a small button press against your palm, giving it one more tug along with a squeeze of the switch.

An imaginary lightbulb blinks above his head as he sees the sword retract from the ground and you're left gripping the stick in your hand, “See? It isn't as hard, is it now?”

“I admit, you're right,” he accepts the handle from your outstretched hand, storing it into his hoodie pocket.

No wonder you didn't notice it before. He's had it hidden there and he had to have pulled it out when you whistled. Although you personally wouldn't own a weapon like that, it probably comes in handy for situations like these. You aren't sure if it'd be beneficial in an actual fight against a stronger and better crafted weapon, though.

A switchblade would do a better job, surely. From what you've seen, they're a lighter object, more portable and friendlier to beginners. Might even suit his style of fighting better, even if you haven't seen it in action yet, to be truthful, “I do believe I'm right.”

“I would beat you if I had my hatchet!”

You chuckle, “Well, we can always engage in hand-to-hand combat, if you're that confident in getting me. Why use weapons?”

His eyes widen and all his courage dissipates, waving his hands crazily and shaking his head, “When you say it like that, I'll pass you on that offer, thank you. Why didn't you attack me, by the way? Oh, and also, I'm Tubbo, since we seem to be okay with each other.”

Refraining from telling him your name back, you swing your arm at his head and watch him yelp, shut his eyes and flinch from you in humorous satisfaction. You stop it inches from his face, lowering it and stepping away from him, “You should've seen your face, Mr. Tubbo. I'd say we are okay, but I had to pull that on you and to answer your question of my peace towards you… You just seemed harmless.”

He stands up and looks at you in feign anger, jabbing an accusing finger into your chest “You're so cruel, what? I can't trust you now.”

Tubbo crosses his arms, turning away from you. You turn away from him and spot his collection of comics. His previous actions coming to the forefront of your mind, “Hey, why were you browsing through so many comics?”

“I was looking for something,” he shrugs, walking past you and picking up quite a big amount of comic books. He catches the incredulous glance you give the items in his hands and nods his head at them, “They aren't for me.”

“You looked quite sad when you couldn't grab one for yourself, why can't you?”

He's surprised you picked up on that, but he just shrugs, “I would. If my bag allowed me to carry so much at once and I just want to surprise my friends.”

You give a small 'aww', making his ears flush pink and cower away, “I could help you carry them. Where is your camp?”

“I don't think I should be revealing that to strangers, but I've never been the smartest with decisions and I'm sure you'd notice either way,” Tubbo stuffs the books inside his bag, barely closing it, “I could just act like I abducted you.”

“Won't that be suspicious? You actually seem like a person who's too nice to do that.”

The bee boy lightly grins at that while putting his coat on, throwing the messenger bag on his shoulder, “I'm bad at acting, too, so they'd surely notice.”

“Are any of them keeping guard on this place, by the way?”

“No,” his answer is straight-forward, without any hesitation, “It might be very shocking, but none of my friends know about this place. Although I visit quite often than not. It gets quite harsh out there, y'know?”

You hum, choosing to drop the subject and return back to an airier topic, “Which ones do you like?”

Tubbo's quick to light up at the change, dropping to his knees and shuffling through the messy mountain of comics once again. He carelessly throws ten of them at you in happiness and leaves you grasping them to your chest. You laugh at his enthusiasm, reading off few of the titles and shaking your head as he keeps on searching for more.

This was probably a crazy idea, but whatever. Tubbo seems like an adorable person to be around.

Not long after you get ready to leave, keeping the conversation loose and it's almost effortless how you get along. The themes get intertwined between you with ease, pointing to some aspects around you if you want to make a point.

He is a strange guy to get a hold of, but you can say that you like how easy-going talking is with him. The male has visibly suffered some of his own stuff, but he still has this bubbly personality around him that you can't wrap your mind around. Though, you enjoy that little perk he has.

At one point, you lose sight of the boy, looking around you in confusion only to have him appear behind you and throw a freshly made flower crown on top of your head. The question of where he got it from is lost to his ears as he babbles on how he needs to teach you the crafting of one, so you could be 'flower crown buddies'. His own words. Your reaction is to bump your shoulder with his, joking how he is too goofy for you to even want to learn. A look of betrayal is thrown at you and you chuckle.

He proceeds to skip at certain intervals during your trek through the forest, too, visibly being excited to earn a new friend who is close to his wave-length. You don't even notice when you get close, having too much fun getting to know each other and goof around, but Tubbo increasingly slows his steps near an old-looking house.

He turns to you, “Well, this is my stop. I shouldn't take you further or I'll get spanked for not listening to my peers.”

“Uh, I won't respond to that, though I hope everything's alright back at your base. You shouldn't go through child abuse anywhere,” you awkwardly scratch at your neck, handing him the comic books meant for him.

Tubbo light-heartedly laughs at your perplexed self, a jokester-like glint appearing in his eyes as he accepts the papers, “I hope we can meet again.”

“I do, too, and hey. The library can be our place, if you're comfortable enough to call it that,” you heartily smile at him, ruffling his hair and receiving a pouty 'hey! my hair, not yours!'.

He shakes his head to fix your doings, throwing a lop-sided grin, “I can allow that.”

“Well, I should go,” you look up to the sky, seeing the sun brightly shining more to the west side now. It shouldn't be that long before you'll have to get ready for the night and report your findings with Nick. Not like you have much to say to him, but there are some things worth mentioning to him, “I have a friend possibly waiting for me already. It was incredible meeting you, Tubbo!”

“Likewise.”

#technoblade #dream #sapnap #apocalypse au #reader insert #mcyt x reader #mcyt #techno #dream team #dream x reader #dreamwastaken #l'manburg #shadows #??? x reader

[thebrownssociety]

Looney Tunes Headcanons - Off-Set, Part 2

This is a bunch of headcanons about what I think some of the LT’s are known for being like outside of the WB bubble. As there are a lot of them, it’ll be uploaded in stages.

References to homosexuality.

Porky Pig is well-known for being the off-screen face of Looney Tunes. Because Bugs and Daffy have a lot of filming commitments it’s Porky who attends Toon-town related things on behalf on the Looney Tunes. 

He’s judged fashion shows, cooking shows, car-races [Toon Town has a lot of car races. They have a lot of different terrains which provide a wide variety.] and Variety Shows. Unfortunately he’s also had to uncover various episodes of cheating during these competitions. [No, you C-C-CAN’T take a magic potion which g-gives you a p-p-perfect voice in a sin-sin-sing - vocalising competition!]

Porky is also known for being one half of the original Looney Tune Power Couple. Him and Petunia have been together forever and during that time, although they have had disagreements they’ve never been that serious. They split up once in the late 40′s and that was due to [unfounded] rumours about Petunia dating Elmer Fudd. [Of all toons!] They laugh about it today, but at the time it was rather difficult. 

He’s also the one who sticks up for the other looney tunes, major or minor ones, and in the olden days was well-known for challenging the producers the most. There was one famous incident in about the 70′s when Rocky and Mugsy were accused of having committed a series of well-known burglaries. Even when the rest of the LT’s were convinced they’d done it, it was Porky who was saying ‘Just because they’re t-t-thieves doesn’t m-m-mean they did this crime!’ Unfortunately it turned out Rocky and Mugsy HAD done it, but the thought was there.

Five opinions he’s well known for having:

1 - Just because we act a  certain way on screen doesn’t mean we have to act that way off-screen. [That being said, he doesn’t get drawn into arguments about what a toon is doing off-set. Reporter: ‘Pepe Le Pew has taken up cooking! Do you think it’s wise having a skunk in the kitchen?’ Porky: ‘A-a-as long as he can do it without b-bur-burn - destroying the place, I don’t care!’]

2 - Every toon deserves an education. [Porky is also off the firm opinion that there is no such thing as a ‘stupid’ toon, or one who is completely incapable of learning at least the basics of education. This opinion has been tested on many occasions but he still has it.]

3 - Petunia is amazing, fantastic, awesome, brilliant and the love of my life. Did I mention she’s amazing? 

4 - Everyone should go abroad. Porky loves travelling and has a wall covered in pictures of places where he’s been. He also likes buying hats from the countries [in a reference to his first short ‘I haven’t got a hat.’ now he has just shy of one for every day of the year.]

5 - Just because a toon isn’t working anymore doesn’t mean they aren’t a toon. To this day Porky is still in touch with Beans, Bosko, Honey, Oliver Owl, Foxy and Roxy and supports their endeavours. [Namely, Bosko and Honey’s restaurant, Oliver's mechanics, Beans chimney sweeping and Foxy and Roxy’s low-key acting gigs.]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Elmer Fudd is known for a variety of things. In the olden days it was his extremely good acting skills, reserved - but not shy - personality and his debated relationship with Petunia Pig. [There was never any romance between them, just very good friendship and a deep level of understanding of one another.] Once Porky and Petunia got engaged he was an ‘established bachelor’ [despite being less than 21 at the time, it was more the fact he showed absolutely no inclination towards a romantic relationship with anyone that put him in that category.] 

When he was 24 [1959] it came out that Bugs loved Elmer. Elmer admitted he felt the same way and a relationship started. [Details of this can be found in my ‘Unsolicited’ Fanfiction.] It was quite an unusual relationship due to the fact they didn’t live together, didn’t spend a lot of time together [mainly due to a mix of filming commitments] and didn’t go out of their way to show affection publicly. 

They got engaged in 1982, then married in 1992. Both events were well-publicised in Toon Town. 

Aside from his relationship with Bugs, he’s known for surprising everyone by proving to be very smart when the toons were allowed to access proper education. As well as a teaching degree, he’s got a degree in Law. [Much to everyone’s surprise.] It only took him a decade to get up to an High School level of education, and he passed with flying coulors. [Despite a snooty human-teachers best efforts]

Five opinions he’s well known for having:

1 - Daffy Duck is not an idiot and is actually very clever. Elmer has been of this opinion since he first met Daffy and despite multiple instances when Daffy has acted like the dictionary definition of a complete and utter nimrod, he’s been unwavering in this belief. Thankfully when the toons got access to education Daffy proved Elmer right and gained a degree in Performing Arts. 

2 - Opera is brilliant. Elmer loves all kind of music [excluding heavy metal and some raunchier pop songs.] but opera will always remain his favourite. It’s one of the many things that bonded Elmer and Bugs. Elmer’s favourite song is ‘I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General’ but his favourite musical is ‘The Phantom Of The Opera.’ 

3 - No one is a complete idiot and everyone should be encouraged to learn. Due to his own experiences of being treated like a complete imbecile by pretty much everyone - even Bugs has been known to do this on a few occasions - he does his best to be nice to those who are also utter idiots and encourage them. Unfortunately, like Porky, this approach has been tested to breaking point. Two words: Pete Puma.

4 - In the same vein, Books are brilliant. Elmer is a massive fan of reading and reads a wide variety of stuff. He reads non-fiction on a range of subjects [Cooking to real-life crime] and he also reads fiction again, over a variety of genres. [Crime, Romance, historical fiction, children's books, the works.] Elmer normally aims to read for at least 30 minutes twice a week. It used to be more, but parenting, filming and The Looniversity have restricted the time he can devote to it by quite a margin. 

5 - Everyone should be given three chances. Elmer does his best not to judge someone when he first meets them, especially if they’re acting like a bit of an asteroid. The second time he forms a bit more of an opinion, but normally keeps quiet about it [except to Bugs, Daffy and Porky.]. Third time he meets you he’s got a good idea of what you’re like and how others are reacting to you. Then he decides whether or not he wants to be around you. Once he’s made up his mind it’s very hard to change it. 

The main exceptions to this rule have been the Tiny Toons. Seeing as they’re literally little version of Elmer’s family [and he’s parenting three of them, namely Elmyra, Buster + Babs] he’s cut them a lot of slack. 

#looney tunes headcanons #porky pig #elmer fudd #bugs bunny #daffy duck #tiny toons #elmyra duff #buster bunny #babs bunny #rocky and mugsy #these are headcanons only #pete puma #long post

[vintage-fanzines]

Smarm #1

Fandom: The Sentinel Date Published: 1998 Publisher: Oddbalz & Mayhem Press Cover art by: Warren Oddsson

Read my review of the zine below.

This zine is separated into three parts: fic by Rhonda Hallstrom, fic by Becky and Robyn, and fic by Tate. There is also black and white art by two artists - Jean Kluge and Warren Oddsson. My favorite pieces are a set by Oddsson - one depicts Blair in an oversized holiday sweater, holding a young panther, and the other shows Jim with a wolf pup on his lap. I love that Blair is holding the panther incredibly casually, as if he’s holding a needy pet cat while chatting with a fellow grad student at a holiday party he’s hosting at the loft. Meanwhile, Jim’s piece is reminiscent of a portrait taken at Sears, if they allowed wolves in their studio. This may sound like I’m dragging the drawings, but I’m not. I genuinely like them. 

The five stories by Rhonda Hallstrom are actually parts of one long story. Blair has noticed that Jim seems able to read his thoughts, and wonders if this is a sign that Jim has a heightened “sixth sense” in addition to his five other heightened senses. In each story this new sense is put to the test, sometimes intentionally and sometimes by accident. There’s also a pretty good twist where it turns out Jim’s new sense isn’t exactly what it seems.

I liked the character voices in these stories.  I think out of all the stories in this zine, these were the least traditionally “smarm”. Certainly the bond between Jim and Blair was the focus, but they didn’t have the romantic, are-you-sure-this-isn’t-slash trappings I associate with smarm.  They were also my favorite stories in the zine. 

The “Becky and Robyn” section of the zine contains 17 short stories -- 13 by Becky, 3 by Robyn, and one by Becky and Robyn. Although I found these stories pleasant enough, I don’t think they’re best suited to be read all in a row.  With one big exception, they’re mostly vignettes, moments where Jim and Blair feel compelled to appreciate each other’s friendship, to muse over how much they mean to each other, and to express that appreciation. It’s like drinking hot cocoa (something that they definitely do in one of the stories, after getting caught in the rain) -- it’s warm and comforting, but too sweet to drink frequently. 

Of these, my favorite might be “Evening Treat”, where Jim and Blair run into Simon and Darryl at an ice cream shop. Jim notices Blair doing a small kindness for Darryl, something subtle that most people would miss. In turn, Jim does something nice for Blair. It’s a simple, well-crafted story, and I liked that it used a small moment to illustrate a friendship. 

The last story in this section, “The Memories of Angels” is different. It’s longer and has a plot with sci-fi/fantasy elements. Although it was a nice change of pace from the plot-lite stories that preceded it, there wasn’t enough set-up to make the sci-fi elements work for me. It did often achieve a wistful, bittersweet atmosphere.

The final section of the zine consists of three stories by Tate. All three have very similar themes; in the first one, Jim has a dream that Blair dies and has a hard time shaking it. In the second, Blair gets concussed and becomes convinced Jim is dead. In the third, Simon dreams that Blair gets killed in a bust gone wrong, and it’s the bust they’re supposed to do the very next day.  

The first of these stories is the longest and the most interesting, but suffers from piling too much whump on Blair and making Jim too eruptive.  After the nightmare about Blair’s death, Jim accidentally breaks Blair’s wrist while zoned out.  Blair doesn’t blame Jim, but Jim feels incredible guilt and lashes out verbally. Blair grabs his keys and goes, which leads to even more trouble. The later whump does feel intentionally repetitive -- It gives Jim a chance to react better to a similar situation -- but that doesn’t stop the series of unfortunate events from becoming Too Much.

Notably, this story played with a trope I’ve seen in other gen Sentinel fic - original characters who think Blair has an abusive boyfriend because of his injuries and some out-of-context comments he makes about Jim. I’m not entirely sure why this is a trope that appeals to hurt/comfort fans (it must feel good to see even strangers react protectively towards Blair) but I’ve seen it written by other authors, so it does seem to be a trope, if a rare one.

#fanzines #fandom history #the sentinel #fanzine review

[dandiesunzipped]

A Series of Unfortunate Debaggings, Chapter the First: The Wretched Reunion

If you are looking for happy-go-lucky Tumblr posts, dear reader, then exit out of this browser tab this instant. Then open your search engine of choice and enter “octogenarian makes friends with a hummingbird.” Or, better yet, destroy your electronic device in a fire and never open an internet browser again, sparing yourself from the cruelty and misfortunes of the world.

You see, dear reader, it is a sad truth in life that order continually diminishes. A cracked egg may never uncrack, yet clean, white eggs everywhere continue to fall off refrigerator shelves, adding to the world’s misfortune and chaos. A secret organization, however brilliant, talented, and kind its members were, may never truly heal after a devastating schism. And the corpse of a cherished loved one will never, ever unburn, no matter how grievously an author weeps over the pitiful tale. 

In the story I am about to tell, I am sorry to report on a panoply of augmenting disorganization, a phrase which here means “not what you want to read.” Orphans grow two years older, and with those years develop styles and interests ever more macabre and meterless--which is to say, one orphan does that. Mystery and intrigue each grow heavier and more complex, like how the derelicts that fill your recycling bin grow heavier and more complex with each passing day. And finally, all the young men in this tale (with the exception of one) are eventually separated from their clean-pressed trousers, left for the remainder of the tale with their scandalously mid-twentieth century underpants exposed.

This story begins like many before it: Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and Beatrice Baudelaire were charming, resourceful children, each with pleasant facial features and each with certain precocious gifts in the arts or sciences, such as memorizing and reciting passages of British Modernist poetry.

“We shall not cease from exploration,” recited Klaus, expertly steering the Beatrice onward. The outrigger bobbed in the gentle waves as it approached a safe gap in the line of ominous jagged rocks on the horizon that Violet had identified.

“And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time.”

As the four Baudelaires walked across the sand and then through the waterfall of foliage on the hill separating the halves of their island, Violet recited the next stanza:

“Through the unknown, unremembered gate,” When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall.”

All at once, fond and wretched memories swarmed together. At last, the Baudelaires were back at the tree. The tree where their parents had lived and ruled. The tree that held secrets below the root. The tree that had saved them from a sad, painful death.

“And the children in the apple-tree” finished Sunny.

“I’ve always found T.S. Eliot opaque,” noted Klaus, “but that poem of his is clearly relevant to our situation today, don’t you think? Who would have thought we’d return to this apple tree?” 

“Before you wax too romantic,” Violet said warmly but firmly, “Don’t forget our purpose here: to collect supplies and leave this evening. If we leave too late, we may be living on this island another year thanks to the tides.”

“Yeah, I’ll be in the library” said Klaus vacantly rushing away, past the old elephant skeleton and into the open arboretum. Violet shook her head, knowing exactly what silly trinket Klaus would be fruitlessly searching for all day.

As afternoon rudely pushed into evening, desperation rudely pushed Klaus to the ground, as he kicked and tossed flotsam around near his feet. The most interesting artifact he had found today was his old concierge shirt, which he now wore to complement his sandy trousers. “I know it’s here...” he murmured to himself. “Father--what would you have done?” That’s when a new idea struck the middle Baudelaire, a bit like the moment when Violet’s hero Sir Isaac Newton was struck by his big idea.

“Last year,” he asked Violet breathlessly as they rushed past each other in the arboretum, “Did you ever look behind the book case in Ishmael’s upper room?”

“No... but remember, Klaus: no matter what, we’re leaving this wasteland tonight at the violet hour. If the tide recedes too far, the Beatrice will scrape the rocky atoll and may sink!

But Klaus was already gone. Up the stairs of the massive apple tree Klaus ran. In Ishmael’s upper chamber, bookcases had been carved into the tree itself, with centuries of histories of the island filling the space. Klaus spent several minutes finding the volume that about the first arrival of “Ish” to the island. Reaching deep into the carved space behind this volume, Klaus finally touched what he was looking for. Greedily grabbing the long, mahogany object, he blew, long and steadily, even though it was Decision Day and not Rosh Hashanah.

Satisfied, Klaus joined his family. They took Beatrice on a visit to her mother’s grave to place flowers and recite to the young girl their precious few memories of her mother. After Sunny and Beatrice went off to finish dinner preparation, Violet and Klaus stood pensively over Olaf’s grave. Then Violet spoke, flatly:

“We learned so much from him.”

Klaus stared. “I mean, he was a horrible villain,” Violet clarified, “but if it hadn’t been for the pressure he placed on us, I never would have thought of so many inventions, and you never would have learned about nuptial law, for example.”

Klaus nodded. “And I doubt he’s responsible for our parents’ deaths, anyway.”

“Oh, don’t bring that up again, Klaus,” said Violet shaking her head and walking away. “Of course it was him!”

“But he didn’t confess, even when we finally pressed him!” Klaus called after her. “Even on his deathbed! Even after he saved Kit!”

Later, over a parting supper of smoked oysters, seaweed wraps, and coconut smoothies, the cook confronted her brother about his wasted hours during the others’ laborious day: “What’s in the box?” Sunny asked perkily. After a day of labor, all Klaus had to offer the boating party was a light, tightly wrapped package shaped like a question mark.

“Oh, it’s just an old artifact I was researching. You know, once we have our fortune, I think that’s what I think I’d like to do with my life: collect artifacts, become a successful archaeologist. I think VFD has prepared me well for decrypting ancient languages.” 

“Maybe we’ll find more artifacts on the next island we come by,” Violet replied, passing the seaweed to Beatrice. “Sunny and I made sure our supplies will last another year if need be.”

“Excellent work,” Klaus congratulated them. “And what method of propulsion will we be using this time? How can I help with that?”

“Generally, the sail should be sufficient. The tide is receding, so we don’t need any additional thrust: the water pressure on the single opening in this atoll will generate a current swift enough to propel the Beatrice outward to sea.” Violet took a sip of unfermented coconut smoothie. “Swimmingly. This day has gone swimmingly.”

As you may know, “swimmingly” is a word which here means “well” or “splendidly” or “lacking a villain to inflict unfortunate events upon you.” But anyone who, while swimming, has gazed into the murky depths beneath their vulnerable, dangling legs, or who has been subjected to a physical education class in a swimming pool will know just how ridiculous this definition of “swimmingly” is. Too often, swimming is an involuntary, unnecessary, and downright cruel activity. For instance, my day once went “swimmingly” because I was pursued through a fire pond by a pulchritudinous platypus. I’m sorry to report that the Baudelaires’ day was about to become worse than that one.

The Baudelaire’s evening continued to go swimmingly, or perhaps sailingly. Just as Violet predicted, the Beatrice was pulled by the receding tide toward the gap in the atoll, which would free them into the open sea. Out of the blue, Sunny asked, “What’s that?” happily pointing. Out of the blue sea, exactly behind the gap in the atoll, a sharp, scaly plate covered in seaweed was emerging. Then came another, and another, until The Great Unknown had fully reared its ugly, pointed head. Enormous and slippery, desperate and hungry, it hung its jaw agape, ready to let in any driftwood, sea water, or passing sting rays past its six shiny rows of very sharp teeth. Even if the Baudelaires had abandoned ship right then, the current would undoubtedly have swallowed all who traveled--whether swimmingly or sailingly--into the jaws of The Great Unknown.

Beatrice screamed as the bombinating beast obscured the setting sun. Violet wept profusely, thinking of the promise she made to keep her siblings safe. Klaus stared fixedly into an eye of the beast, as though hypnotized. Sunny simply smiled.

“Come, sweet death!” she cried as the jaws of the bombinating beast crashed down, enveloping all four Baudelaires, Beatrice and all.

***

“Baudelaires!” As soon as the children came to, they found themselves inside what could have been the Curdled Cave but warm and oddly lit. “Oh, Baudelaires! I’ve been so afraid! I’ve been absolutely panic-stricken on your behalf! But you’ve returned to my care!”

“Josephine?” asked Klaus, astonished. Indeed, the Baudelaires’ second cousin’s sister-in-law whom they knew as Aunt Josephine stood on a ledge, glowing in a white robe over the confused, distraught Baudelaires.

“Don’t be afraid! I would come down to hug each one of you if I wasn’t afraid of the germs and leeches that may have washed in along with all that kelp and sea water.”

“Ike?” asked Sunny, suddenly recalling the image of Josephine’s late husband the cave explorer resting in a warm place in the afterlife. Then, with wide eyes, Sunny asked more softly, “Parents?”

Josephine looked at Sunny confused for a moment. Then she cocked her head to one side, smiling poignantly at the young girl. “I don’t know where your parents are. I’m sorry, honey. And you really must learn to speak in complete sentences someday, Sunny,” she added with disappointment.

“But look on the bright side:” yelled a figure, emerging on crutches from the dark. “You’re alive!”

“Phil!” cried Violet, rushing in to hug the optimist. 

“We’re alive?” mirrored Sunny with confusion.

“‘Baudelaire orphans found alive!’ That’s the headline I would submit to The Daily Punctilio if nefarious villains intent on hunting us all down weren’t lurking around every street corner.”

“Duncan!” shouted Violet running further into the cave to hug yet another friend from her past. “And Quigley?”

For a brief moment, Duncan’s face dropped. The thrill in Violet’s voice, the distance in her eyes, the emphasis she placed on his brother’s name--all of it indicated to Duncan that he was her second favorite. But just as quickly, Duncan returned to grinning and stepped aside for his triplet brother to hug the eldest Baudelaire. 

“Words:“ began Isadora in the tone of a slam poet, everything about her style now black and bleak as she leaned against a wall obscured in shadow. “Why torment me? Why needle and prod me as you do with meaning? If I repeat you, words, over and over, meaningless you become. When our Selves defy measure and lilt and vowels--even grammar!--who dares, dares to confine this Ether reality, this cryptic vivacity, this Great Unknown! inside of--words.” She and Klaus smiled shyly at each other while others sounded their approval.

“But how did you find us here?” Violet questioned after a few pitying snaps. “What brought you to this island?”

“Do you have food?” Sunny demanded. “Can I help?”

“What even is this place?” Violet enquired. “A camouflaged submarine?”

“Why are you alive?” Sunny asked Josephine.

“Selmo!” shouted Beatrice.

“Calm yourselves, Baudelaires! For once, all that is mysterious to you shall soon be revealed--I promise.” proclaimed Josephine, still perched authoritatively from her ledge.

“Even to those of you without any questions...” remarked Quigley, glancing askance at the middle Baudelaire. 

“Why so quiet, Klaus?” asked Isadora with a teasing smile.

The middle Baudelaire orphan had remained remarkably calm this whole time, as if non-plussed by the situation. He shrugged nonchalantly “After you’ve read the book that answers the questions that burn like a fire in the mind, the act of asking feels--hollow. There’s just one burning question I’d like an answer to: where’s Fiona?”

“Oh, Klaus! You mustn’t end an independent clause with a preposition,” Josephine chided with motherly concern. “My daughter is busy on the command deck with my husband. The two are co-captains now!”

“Actually, Aunt Josephine, I find that preposition rule antiquated nowadays. Plenty of authors simply ignore it.”

“Hmph, your grammatical proclivities may be on the, er, modern side, Klaus Baudelaire, but for as long as you’re under my submarine walls, I insist that yo--”

“Wait!” interrupted Violet. “Fiona is your daughter, Aunt Josephine?! Does that mean she’s our,” Violet gulped, “cousin?”

“All of your questions will be answered, dear Baudelaires! For example, ‘technically speaking, second cousins once removed,’ is the answer to your most recent of inquiries, Violet, darling.”

“First let me serve them tea, Josephine!” pleaded Phil angelically. “I want to try a special recipe: bitter as wormwood and sharp as a two-edged sword.”

Sunny yipped in agreement, following Phil down a shady corridor, deep into The Great Unknown.

“After you, Violet,” said Duncan with an unctuous smile and hand gesture. I needn’t tell you, dear reader, how eagerly the three Quagmires and four Baudelaires came together for tea, ready to reconnect after years of cruel wrenching apart. But one detail that may intrigue you remains. For in the interim, a word which here means, “the duration in which Phil offered the Baudelaires tea and Josephine offered the Baudelaires her tale of survival,” or “Chapter 2 of this narrative,” a mysterious figure reentered the anteroom to rearrange the kelp that had washed aboard The Great Unknown along with the Baudelaires. I regret to inform you, dear reader, that this rearranged kelp formed letters on the wall, and that those letters formed a cryptic couplet, and that cryptic couplet formed a threat to all aboard:

“Abandon ship or abandon pants./ Your fates are sealed; leave naught to chance.”

And so began, dear reader, a series of unfortunate debaggings along the eerie corridors of The Great Unknown.

#lemony snicket #fanfic

[plays-the-thing]

Netflix’s Witcher: What Makes a Good Adaptation? – A companion piece

If you’ve somehow found this without seeing the video first, here’s a link:

In this video I analyze the screen adaptations of Lord of the Rings, A Song of Ice and Fire, and the Witcher series. I use the comparisons of the three to discuss what makes adaptations in general work and to explain why I feel the Witcher is heading down the road to mediocrity.

However, this is a hugely complicated subject, and the works themselves are also complex, especially Martin’s work. I make plenty of claims in the video that a reasonable person could disagree with without any explanation for why I think they are true. Unfortunately, if I were to go down every rabbit hole that I touch on the video would be hours long, so I have to gloss over some potentially confusing or controversial statements.

Enter this post. Here I will be attempting to pre-empt any questions that I think people may have, and go through my thought process on certain claims. I don’t recommend that you read the whole thing. Each explanation will be followed by a timestamp and relevant quote from the video that I am expanding upon so that you can quickly search the page and find what you are looking for.

 I’m sure there will be things I don’t think to cover, or things that are poorly reasoned both here and in the video, so feel free to ask additional questions. Just please check to make sure you aren’t asking something that I already covered here.

 I will also be attempting to give as much credit as possible to all the wonderful writers and creators who have influenced my thinking with regards to these works. I’ll be linking as much as possible to my sources, as well as to additional content that expands on ideas I mention. Also I’ve included some personal tidbits and commentary, just for fun.

 Under a cut for length.

INTRODUCTION:

Huge props to the people who put together the behind-the-scenes footage of LOTR. I’ve watched all the bonus footage numerous times in my life. If you have any interest in the nitty-gritty of how movies get made, I can’t recommend it enough. It really shows all the work and complexity that goes into making movies. That they even get made at all is honestly incredible, especially massive undertakings like LOTR.

[3:30] And if you've ever wondered what the hell happened to The Hobbit, to me it seemed like they were indulging all of these worst impulses instead of catching themselves and editing them out like they did in LOTR.

As soon as I saw that they were making three Hobbit movies my hopes plummeted. It just reeked of executive meddling, and of trying to make the story into something it just isn’t. Lo and behold, that’s what we got: sticking in loads of unnecessary and thematically incoherent material to stretch out the runtime and make it more “epic.” I couldn’t bring myself to watch past the first one, but Lindsay Ellis has an excellent video series exploring in detail what went wrong with the trilogy.

PART ONE: LORD OF THE RINGS

[8:40] If you followed the events and the chronology of the book they would just hang out with Faramir for a little bit and then the movie would end

Technically it’s more complicated than this because that’s already following the revised movie timeline. In reality, Frodo would have just left the Black Gate. They *are* moving the events around to some extent, usually by a few of days here and there, but they can’t move stuff together that takes place weeks apart or the whole timeline would crumble.

[9:55] You can call it the theme, the soul, the spirit, the point, or whatever else you want, but the great works of fiction have something at their core that pulls everything together and elevates it into art. It’s a difficult thing to describe, but I think this scene perfectly tapped into the soul of Tolkien’s work.

Huge shout out to Bob Case and his video “Blame of Thrones” for first introducing me to this concept and the language of the “spirit” of a work to describe this phenomenon. In many ways the first two parts of this video are merely building on the LOTR-GOT comparison that he makes in that video, digging a little deeper and looking at more specific and concrete (and spoileriffic) examples of what he’s talking about so that we can apply these ideas to the Witcher…and beyond. Like all his work, it’s excellent. His YouTube is pretty much inactive these days, but he also occasionally writes content for Shamus Young’s blog if you want more of his work.

PART TWO: GAME OF THRONES

Alright, here it is: the section that really caused me to want to make this companion piece. Earlier I mentioned that I have sympathy for the GoT showrunners, and I really do. Martin’s work is incredibly complex, and so this section dominates the blogpost because there is so much to explain and no way that I could explain it all in the video without incredible bloat.

First I should mention that I, and all the writers I am going to credit here, share a very specific interpretation of Martin’s work. This isn’t the only interpretation. I doubt it’s the interpretation of the majority of readers. Obviously, I fully believe it is the correct interpretation, but the showrunners clearly had a wildly different one.

People who have this interpretation express it in different ways. Joannalannister collects hers in her tag #the-meaning-of-asoiaf. PoorQuentyn expresses it here, and in his analysis of Davos, Quentyn, and Tyrion. Other writers express it in their own ways.

With my lit degree hanging over my head, I can’t help but see it as a problem of competing artistic movements. To me, HBO’s Game of Thrones is part of the art movement of the past few decades, namely postmodernism. Art movements are complex, but basically postmodernism is the cynical reaction to the sincerity of modernism which came before it. Cynicism is, I think, the defining trait of Game of Thrones.

But it is NOT the defining trait of the books. In my view, Martin’s ASOIAF is part of the art movement that we are moving towards, which is starting to become known as metamodernism. Metamodernism is a reaction to the nihilistic pessimism and cynicism of postmodernism, and replaces it not with the unbridled sincerity of modernism, but rather oscillation between the two modes. It can be both ironic and sincere, deconstructionist and constructionist, apathetic and affectual. Once you have peeled back all the layers however, it is ultimately hopeful and optimistic. It embraces a sense of radical optimism. In metamodernist works optimism is often radical because the world the characters live in can be so dark. But that darkness serves only to highlight those characters that can hold fast to virtue amidst such darkness.

So, be warned. If you believe that Martin’s work is all about controlling the Iron Throne, and believe that cynicism is for the wise and honor is for fools, we just aren’t going to see eye to eye.

[12:45] Ned is a competent northern politician who has some trouble adapting to southern culture. Through a combination of bad luck, some understandable mistakes, and a misconception about his position, he fails in his goals.

The show didn’t invent the idea of Stupid Honorable Ned. Plenty of people believed this, even before the show. Obviously I believe they are wrong. If you would like to read more about it I would suggest Steven Attewell’s analysis of Ned’s chapters that he does on his blog, particularly Eddard XI and Eddard XIII. Steven does a much better job of analyzing Ned as a political actor than I ever could.

[13:00] Most of these changes are subtle…the best example is the council debate about whether or not to assassinate Daenerys.

Many of the ideas in this section are pulled from two essays by turtle-paced: Poor Doomed Ned and The Argument to Assassinate Daenerys. Turtle goes deep into the details of the differences between the Ned Stark of the books and the show, and I skimmed some of their comparisons for my argument. Steven Attewell’s analysis of this chapter is also worth reading.

[14:09] It’s a good argument, and I think in the books we are expected to mostly agree with Ned, both morally and politically.

When I say “expected” I mean from the authors point of view, which of course relies on me being correct about my interpretation of Martin’s work. Obviously I think I’m right, but if you don’t agree with my interpretation you may not agree with this statement.

[14:16] Notice also that the supporters of the assassination: Littlefinger, Varys, Renly, and Pycelle are all villains (all except Pycelle are trying to destabilize the kingdom), and the people who oppose it, Ned and Barristan, are heroes.

Each of them represents a different sort of evil. Littlefinger is a scheming sociopathic villain. Varys is a well-intentioned extremist whose willingness to commit utterly heinous acts in the pursuit of his goals makes him a villain. This is because, as Huxley puts it, “The end cannot justify the means, for the simple and obvious reason that the means employed determine the nature of the ends produced.”  Renly is narcissistic ambitious evil, willing to throw a realm into war to satisfy his own ego, and is totally uncaring about the lives of other people. It isn’t precisely correct to say that Pycelle is a villain because he represents the banality of evil. He thinks he’s just doing his job, but he’s morally bankrupt and politically corrupt.

[16:40] It would take too long to list all the ways that Tywin is awful, and everyone knows it.

To clarify, I mean that everyone in-universe knows it. For some god-forsaken reason, some readers seem to think that Tywin was just being effective after he unleashed the Mountain on the Riverlands and violated every military and political norm in Westeros.

If you are going to say that he is “Machiavellian” I would encourage you to actually read The Prince, where Machiavelli says “Nevertheless a prince ought to inspire fear in such a way that, if he does not win love, he avoids hatred” and goes into the reasons why.

[17:17] Tywin on the other hand accomplished a lot of short-term gains by being as treacherous and dishonorable as possible. But this has a cost: by proving themselves fair-weather allies they surround themselves with the same. Nobody trusts them, and so their allies scheme and betray them.

Oberyn and Doran are both scheming in their own way to revenge themselves on the Lannisters for the deaths of Elia and her children. The Tyrells poison Joffrey and scheme to spirit Sansa away to Highgarden.

[17:36] Ned failed due to a couple of minor mistakes, some bad luck, and treachery.

I mention a few times that Ned, and more broadly the Starks, get “unlucky.” Again, Steven Attewell does an excellent job of documenting this with his keen eye for how GRRM cheats political realities, but I’ll note a few of the many ways George has to bend over backward to screw the Starks.

In AGoT Catelyn leaves King’s Landing roughly around the same time that Tyrion leaves the wall, and both are on horseback. In order for them to meet at the Inn at the Crossroads Tyrion has to travel roughly 2,000 miles in the same time that Catelyn travels 400 miles. This is basically impossible, but necessary for the plot so that Catelyn can lose Tyrion at the Eyrie. If she had caught him somewhere further north she could have simply chucked him into her own dungeons and managed his trial herself.

Cersei has been trying to kill Robert for goodness knows how long with just as unreliable methods as “get him drunk on a hunt.” In order for Ned to get screwed she has to succeed in killing Robert at precisely that moment. If it had failed like every one of her other attempts she is most likely dead, because Ned would tell Robert the truth about her children as soon as he got back.

In order for Theon to take Winterfell, veteran military man and castellan Ser Rodrik Cassell has to stupidly empty the Winterfell garrison while he knows that Ironborn raiders are running loose in the North, not even leaving behind a mere twenty-five to fifty men that would have completely thrashed Theon’s assault. If Theon can’t take Winterfell, the Red Wedding doesn’t happen (as Martin has told us that the real inciting incident of the Red Wedding was the fall of Winterfell).

[17:41] However, killing him was a terrible idea, and backfired on the Lannisters instantly.

Continuing this theme, the Lannisters were in an absolutely horrible position at the beginning of the War of the Five Kings. They pretty much just have their bannerman in the Westerlands. Stannis seems to have the support of most of the Crownlands, and he and Renly are splitting the lords of the Reach and the Stormlands (with Renly having the larger chunk). The Starks have all the support of the North and the Riverlands combined. The Lannisters are surrounded by enemies who outnumber them on all sides. Killing Ned immediately jumpstarts a war that will almost certainly crush the Lannisters. That it didn’t took some very thin plotting and improbable developments at times, but overall George made it work. For more analysis of this, again check out Steven Attewell Blog: Race for the Iron Throne.

[17:48] Tywin was killed by both a guest whom he considered his ally, and his son.

I firmly believe Oberyn poisoned Tywin. Here’s a good rundown of the evidence. Beyond simple means, motive, and opportunity it also provides neat answers to lingering odd questions like why Tywin rotted so oddly and aggressively, why Tyrion knew he would find him in the privy, why Oberyn was willing to chuck his life away for a confession before seeming to have secured revenge against Tywin.

It’s also thematically juicy. I love the idea that Tywin, who so egregiously violated Westerosi norms culminating in the total breach of the social contract at the Red Wedding, was a victim of contrapasso. He can’t be protected by social norms, so he gets poisoned by his guest and ally. Did Tyrion know he was dying? Had he put it all together? Was that bolt really an act of mercy? Perhaps it was one final service to the Lannisters, to keep the dream of their alliance with the Martells alive. Who knows, but boy is it interesting to consider.

[18:13] his alliances fall to pieces, and his children are abandoned by even their own family.

I’m referring here to the infighting between the Tyrells and Lannisters (and Martells, though they never had any intent of staying true to the alliance) after Tywin’s death (though there was some before as well, just intensified after Cersei takes over from Tywin). Kevan forces Cersei to take the walk of shame, and Jaime and the rest of the Lannisters abandon her to that fate.

[19:41] Just like Lord of the Rings, and the Witcher, ASOIAF is clearly dedicated to anti-violence. Not pacifism: all three works have heroes dealing out retributive violence in order to try and restore justice.

I understand it might be odd to suggest that three works which feature so much violence can be dedicated to anti-violence, but depicting something is not the same as endorsing it. I would argue in the case of Martin’s work in particular that his depiction of violence, so un-romantically brutal and direct, is intentionally revolting, and therefore is designed to be anti-violence. Martin purposefully makes you want revenge on certain characters, gives it to you, and then forces you to stare at the inhumanity of this thing you thought you wanted. Yeah I wanted Theon to pay, but not like that. Yeah, I wanted Cersei to pay, but not like that. Yeah, I want the Freys to pay, but I don’t think I’m going to like what Stoneheart is going to do to them.

There is a certain amount of this in the Witcher as well. I can specifically think of one scene in The Blood of Elves, but I promised no Witcher spoilers.

The violence in LOTR is much more romanticized, but as Faramir says: “I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.” The hero is still Frodo, who doesn’t fight anyone or anything in the whole story. Frodo is a pacifist, but his pacifism is enabled by others who are willing to fight.

[20:07] In a Dance with Dragons Daenerys allows the old slave-holding class to maintain too much power and so they immediately attempt to continue the old violence of slavery. Daenerys did not commit enough violence against the slave-owners, so they were allowed to continue existing, and as long as they existed they were always going to abuse and oppress the ex-slaves.

A couple years after the release of ADWD, an obnoxiously wrong and poisonous idea began to creep into the ASOIAF fandom: Daenerys’ violence against the slaveowners in Slaver’s Bay is dangerous and immoral, and peace is the better option. This idea was most persuasively argued in the Meereenese Blot’s series of essays.

I’ll quote some of the conclusion here:

“They are supposed to feel this generic distrust for everyone, and to fail to grasp that their peaces were actually quite successful. Dany is supposed to conclude — wrongly — that her behavior through most of the book was silly and foolish. And if you came away with those impressions too, it’s perfectly understandable…The whole plotline is designed to maneuver Dany into a mental place where she’ll decide to sideline her concerns for innocent life, and take what she wants with fire and blood.”

This idea, much like the idea that Daenerys is some sort of unhinged fascist just waiting for the right trigger, makes me unbelievably angry. This idea that I am supposed to value the life of the slaveowner and the slave equally, and that maintaining a “peaceful” slave-owning society is an acceptable alternative to violent revolution is so fundamentally revolting to me, that it turns my stomach even to write that sentence.

Some fans went even as far as to suggest that Daenerys’ occupation of Meereen was a parallel to the US occupation of Iraq, and that she was engaged in erasing an authentic slave-owning culture that she despised. If you read the above series of essays, you can see that they are, at the least, enabling that kind of thinking.

To be clear, I do not consider any slave society to be worth a damn thing. Anything that continues it is evil and all that attempts to destroy it is good. That being said, once again Steven Attewell does a better job than I ever could of rebutting the ideas of the Meereneese Blot, and explaining how the correct parallel of Daenerys’ actions in Meereen is the American mistake of abandoning radical reconstruction. He describes her actions in Meereen as abandoning a revolution half complete. I highly recommend reading it, especially if you are American. 

Martin is not a pacifist. He has said he would have fought in WWII. He demonstrated against Vietnam. As far as I know, the first time George ever used the words “Fire and Blood” was in a book released in 1982 called Fevre Dream:

“I never held much with slavery […]. You can’t just go… usin’ another kind of people, like they wasn’t people at all. Know what I mean? Got to end, sooner or later. Better if it ends peaceful, but it’s got to end even if it has to be with fire and blood, you see? Maybe that’s what them abolitionists been sayin’ all along. You try to be reasonable, that’s only right, but if it don’t work, you got to be ready. Some things is just wrong. They got to be ended.”

Daenerys is a slave-freeing, slave-owner-killing Hero with a capital H. She has made mistakes. I weep for the lives of the slaves that she has thrown away by abandoning her revolution, by failing to give the people of Astapor the strength to defend themselves, by maintaining a false peace that allows the Meereneese KKK to kill ex-slaves in the night.  I shed no tears for the slaveowners that she has killed. When you treat other human beings as property you forfeit your right to Prosperity, Freedom, and Life. Preferably in that order—I would prefer that a slave society could peacefully transition, that those who attempted to continue it could be locked up, and that bloodshed could be avoided. But sometimes violence is necessary.

Daenerys will make more mistakes, I am sure. I believe that she will swing too far in the other direction, temporarily. But that’s a topic for another time.

[20:57] She comforts the hound even as he threatens her and helps him on his path from violence to peace.

Sandor did not die, despite what the Elder Brother told Brienne. He uses his words very carefully, to suggest that the Hound is dead, but that Sandor Clegane the man is simply “at rest.” He has become a brother of the isle.

“On the upper slopes they saw three boys driving sheep, and higher still they passed a lichyard where a brother bigger than Brienne was struggling to dig a grave. From the way he moved, it was plain to see that he was lame.” - Brienne VI, AFFC

[21:40] If they don’t understand why Tywin is a villain then of course they won’t understand why the Others are the main villains of the series, and will probably replace them with some blonde queen. And if you don’t understand that the cold of the human heart is the real enemy than of course you’ll think you can stop winter by just stabbing it. Like Tywin would.

In the books the Others are the villains. They are what the whole story is building towards, much like in LOTR the story builds towards Frodo casting the ring into the Fire. Martin has said that he thinks that the finishing chapters of LOTR, like the Scouring of the Shire, were important, so we may see something like that, but the clear emphasis will be on the existential evil, and cleaning up Cersei or Aegon “Targaryen’s” mess will be a clear step down in importance. It’s something that the heroes have grown beyond, but still need to handle, just like Saruman in the Shire.

[22:04] There’s nothing wrong with liking Game of Thrones, or disliking Lord of the Rings, or anything else.

I really do mean this. I am going to be critical of things you like, and am going to praise things you love. People are different, that’s to be expected. I am not here to pretend that people should only like the things I like. I’m interested in what makes these stories work. I said much the same thing in my last video about some of the new Star Wars properties. People tend to get really attached to the media they like (I’m no exception) and that can color our perception of criticism. Do try to keep in mind that if you like something I criticize it isn’t an attack on you. You have a sacred and personal relationship to the things you enjoy that no one can take from you. I like all kinds of stuff that other people might consider bad, and that’s okay. Actually it’s great, because it gives us something to talk about.

I may genuinely hate Game of Thrones because it butchers something I came to love, but that doesn’t mean I have anything against the people who do like it for their own reasons. We’re all just out here enjoying what we like.

PART THREE: THE WITCHER

There is less in this section for two reasons. First, I promised not to spoil anything past the material covered in the show and I’ll stick to that here. Second—full disclosure here—I haven’t read all of the books because after Blood of Elves I got pretty bored and from what I had heard they did not improve in quality, and if anything got worse. Having already felt that going from the anthologies to Blood I was happy to end my reading there.

If something I say is contradicted by a later book that I didn’t read feel free to let me know.

[23:31] First I should mention that Sapkowski’s works are not on the same level as Tolkien’s and Martin’s, who are the best and second-best fantasy authors of all time. I have enjoyed the Witcher books that I have read, but they are not anywhere near as complex or beautifully written.

This is just my opinion, see above paragraph. I really do think that it’s a pretty common opinion though. I’ve read it before, and you often see people recommend the first two Witcher anthologies in a “if you like it maybe see if you like the rest of them?” sort of way. Book sales numbers also support this, though by all accounts they are exploding in the wake of the show.

But, one potential issue is that I’m reading a translation so I have no idea how good Sapkowski’s prose actually is. You get a lot of sentences in the US edition like: “it must be both bothersome and irritating.” Translation is art, not science, and passages like these make me worry that the translator is just translating each phrase without worrying about all the subtlety that makes language beautiful. These are minor examples of course, but they worry me about what else might be changed. So take my criticism of his writing with a giant, translated, grain of salt, in that I don’t read Polish.

[23:58] Despite this, Geralt the Witcher has been worming his way into popular culture for years, interestingly on the back of a series of video games

Google trends clearly show that the video games are what primarily generated interest in the character before the show. There were no English editions until around the time the games started coming out, and the US editions all feature concept art from the games on the covers. The release of the subsequently translated books after the games received very little attention in comparison to the games.

[24:15] In my opinion, that decline of focus on Geralt was the greatest weakness in the books, and the focus on Geralt is the greatest strength of the games. Because Geralt is at the core of what made Sapkowski’s story and world engaging in the first place. He is a fascinating character in a way that Ciri, who is a fairly standard fantasy “chosen child,” could never be.

This is just my opinion, and I explain why I think Geralt is so great in the subsequent paragraphs. Reasonable people can disagree on this, but I’ve come across more than a couple fantasy characters who could be generically described as “royal orphans with special powers.” It’s not exactly novel. Geralt is pretty novel, at least in terms of what I have read.

[24:49] He suffers many of the same psychological problems that characters like Tyrion and Brienne suffer from in Martin’s work

The technical name for these kinds of issues is “internalized bigotry.” This happens when you get treated consistently horribly by the society you live in due to some fundamental fact about yourself that you didn’t choose, and eventually you begin to believe and “internalize” their opinion of you. For example, people expect Tyrion to be unlovable, conniving, lecherous, and debauched. Eventually he simply leans into these characteristics, because in a way it’s almost easier to be what people expect you to be.

[25:48] To top it off, he hides all this inside a cynical and nihilistic exterior, he pretends he doesn’t care when in fact, he cares more than anyone.

The shot that accompanies this, of Geralt looking intently at what’s happening in the room while others tend to be watching with a sort of mild curiosity like you might at an unexpected circus performance, did an awesome job of conveying this idea.

[26:36] This was kind of a cool idea, but predictably their scenes ended up being generally less interesting and engaging then Geralt’s. Yennefer’s were sometimes fantastic but Ciri’s rarely were.

This was the opinion of fans that I most commonly observed. I don’t have any empirical evidence of this. If you have any that either supports or contradicts this please let me know, I would be fascinated to see it. I could see someone really loving Yennefer’s scenes, and I personally enjoyed a lot of them, but I don’t understand how someone could walk away from the first season with Ciri as their favorite character of the three. I’ll come back to this in a later section.

[27:40] In many ways the first two books, and the games, have more in common with Sherlock Holmes than they do most other fantasy stories.

Really a more accurate comparison would be Philip Marlowe since Geralt is definitely more of an American Pulp detective than a British one. I do love the similarity between Geralt’s Witcher Senses in The Witcher 3 and Sherlock’s detective vision in Crimes and Punishment. I can’t make the same comparison to a Philip Marlowe game, because no one’s made one yet.

Actually that’s not strictly true. There was one game that came out in 1996.

[28:12] But Netflix’s Witcher has barely a whiff of detective fiction anywhere. I think this has caused a lot of fans to feel alienated by the show, even if they can’t explain exactly why.

It’s not reasonable to expect people to know why they like or don’t like something. It’s a feeling, and unless they have experience with writing, narratology, literature, film studies, or just read a lot of tvtropes.org, they are not likely to be able to put their finger on what it is. This causes people to disproportionally blame the things that are most obviously wrong. The premiere example of this is Jar Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace. Jar Jar was obviously bad, but he doesn’t even come close to the top ten biggest problems with the movie. It was much worse that there was no main character or understandable plot and drama. Check out Red Letter Media’s legendary review for more on that.

I think a similar thing happened with Ciri, in that her story was sort of obviously underwhelming and so received a lot of flak, but there are deeper problems with the show.

[32:04] The third change is more subtle, but I’m worried that this Geralt genuinely believes in neutrality.

Just like Ned, the showrunners would not be the first to espouse this view. This quote in particular about “evil is evil” is obnoxiously peddled about as a justification for fence-sitting despite the fact that Geralt’s actual behavior doesn’t support it at all.

I don’t know for sure if the showrunners genuinely think Geralt tries to be neutral. There’s some evidence for yes in the first episode, the Borch episode, the Striga episode, and a couple of others. There’s strong evidence for no in the Duny/Pavetta episode. We’ll just have to see.

To be clear, when I mean “neutral” I mean in the face of immediate violence or injustice. Geralt often doesn’t care who is king, as he explains to Ostrit. But he won’t let a Striga continue to kill people just for coin.

[37:20]  When the writers took away Ned’s best arguments for his actions, when they took his story of existential triumph, of not compromising his morals, and turned it into a simple tragedy, they showed they clearly did not understand his heroism.

See PoorQuentyn’s explanation of existential heroism, and how it applies to ASOIAF.

[37:58] In the books, Ciri and Yennefer are included in the story through their connection to Geralt, because he is our hero and the foundation of our connection to the world. In the show they are included before ever having met Geralt, and they take up time that could have been spent focusing on those devilish detective details that make Geralt’s stories and character work.

Originally this video had a lot of discussion about how well these two other characters worked, but it ended up being kind of useless because it comes down to personal opinion, and the writers failure to properly use Geralt massively overshadows whether or not someone liked or didn’t like either of the other two leads. Again, I get why someone could like Yennefer’s scenes. I get why someone could maybe even like her scenes more than Geralt’s. Anya Chalotra did great. I thought the writing was a little weak at times, but on balance pretty decent. Geralt gets the benefit of all his stories being straight adaptations, and she didn’t, so it was a pretty decent job.

On the other hand, I thought Ciri’s storyline was a giant waste of space. When I think of all the best moments in the show, Ciri doesn’t show up in any of them. She spends the entire season running away from and interacting with fairly minor and forgettable characters that did not need to be introduced in this season. Calanthe, Eist, and Mousesack were great characters and the actors gave great performances, but that did not make up for the fact that her storyline went nowhere and did nothing to justify its inclusion. If someone loved Ciri’s storyline I would genuinely be interested to know why.

[39:10] I do have some sympathy for the writers of the Witcher.

Many times in this video I mention sympathy for various writers. Moviemaking is a massively complex undertaking. If you know anything about the difficulty of getting these things together you’ll know that it’s an absolute miracle any movie gets made and takes herculean effort from everyone involved. Television series are arguably even worse because they are longer, more complex, and often have a lower budget despite that. The people involved are honestly doing their best, and I recognize that, even if I criticize the product.

[39:47] They are in this unfortunate position where they can’t really pull the majority of their writing straight from the books because the material isn’t really strong enough by itself.

The books are very dialogue heavy. As I allude to, the one scene that was very close to the book is that scene with Filavandrel and it’s just obnoxious because the two characters just dialogue at each other. It goes on even longer in the book. How well that works in a book is up for debate but it wasn’t going to work on the screen, and it didn’t.

These problems are not insurmountable though. You can put other footage over these monologues. You could have included some footage of Elves fighting in their war. You could have footage of the “cursed” daughters of Lilit being locked in towers or autopsied while Stregobor explains it. I get this is more budget, but that budget went other places.

On the other hand some great scenes that I think would have translated excellently shot-for-shot from the book with little additional budget, like Renfri and Geralt in the Alderman’s attic, are entirely cut. Ah well.

[40:25] Well, I have my theories, but it in the end it doesn’t really matter.

I have a sneaking suspicion that somebody thought it needed to be more “epic” than the first two books are, so we got all this princess and political stuff in early. If there’s any merit to the idea that this series “copied” GoT, it’s somewhere in here, just like how the Hobbit got poisoned with all of the “epicness” of LOTR.

[44:54] Lastly, I’m gonna do my best to put out more regular content going forward. I’m aiming for at least one video a month.

I place no limitation on topics. It’ll probably be mostly media analysis, but if I’m honest I’m just going to write about whatever interests me. That’s the best way to keep myself interested.

That being said, if you have something you think I should analyze let me know. If I’m interested, I might do it.

#witcher #netflix witcher #lotr #asoiaf #game of thrones #anti-got #lord of the rings #adaptation #video companions

[manuscripts-dontburn]

Carrie

Author: Stephen King

First published: 1974

Pages: 171

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 1 day

A good entertainment to cleanse my palette.... Might check out more King books eventually.

The Price Guide to the Occult

Author: Leslye Walton

First published: 2018

Pages: 288

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 3 days

First of all, there should be a MASSIVE trigger warning for self-harm and parental abuse. Second of all, this is one of those books that simply needed more meat and more time. The premise is interesting, the writing beautiful, but all the gore and horror in it would have benefitted greatly from a more complex world. Many key scenes and situations were explained in a hurry and left one unsatisfied. And saying all that, just because a book is centred around a teen girl should not make it a YA. Because this is not.

My Grandmother Sends Her Regards and Apologises

Author: Fredrik Backman

First published: 2013

Pages: 342

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

How long did it take: 4 days

Look, I completely understand why this book is so praised by many people. I could pinpoint the many places in it which probably resonate with others. But for whatever reason, I was bored for most of it. I had to force myself to continue reading and that is never good. This was just not for me.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Getting Lucky

Author: Mackenzi Lee

First published: 2019

Pages: 128

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 1 day

This was just friggin stinking cute. Cannot wait for another book in this series.

Medieval Bodies: Life, Death and Art in the Middle Ages

Author: Jack Hartnell

First published: 2019

Pages: 352

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 11 days

Very accessible to anyone, with or without a knowledge of medieval times. I enjoyed the way the book was structured according to various body parts, which then were used as a base for a discussion of other topics relevant to life in the Middle Ages. It is not just medicine, but also sexuality, travelling, fashion and other themes. I would have liked the book to be much more lengthy, to be honest, because I simply found it fascinating. My favourite part? Probably the ode to the vagina and the explanation of the penis trees. I am just a lowly human with a dirty mind after all!

The Raven Boys

Author: Maggie Stiefvater

First published: 2012

Pages: 409

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 5 days

I had so much fun reading this! It was like The Secret History by Donna Tart, except less on crack and with magic. What I appreciated were the were very real conflicts dealing with social class, the clear individuality of each character, the fact that going to class and striving for good marks is actually a significant factor for these kids and also a twist I did not see coming. Intrigued. Will definitely read the rest of the series.

The Gloaming

Author: Kirsty Logan

First published: 2018

Pages: 320

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 8 days

First of all, I have to say that the cover and Kirsty´s previous books made me expect something completely else than I was given. So here goes for everybody else: this is NOT a book about mermaids and it is NOT in any way related to The Gracekeepers. It is a story about FAMILY and the weight of OBLIGATION in contrast to personal WANTS as well as searching for the meaning of HOME. Sprinkled with just a tiny magical element. The writing is gorgeous and the atmosphere utterly melancholy. So why didn't I love it more? Partly because of my misplaced expectations, but that I could probably overlook. However, this story is so slow that even halfway through the book I still had a feeling it hasn't started yet. It also took a little while to get used to the format in which the timelines skip here and there and everywhere. In the end, it all does click together and it did leave me thinking about the book though. To steal the very last line: perhaps that's all we can ask.

Every Heart a Doorway

Author: Seanan McGuire

First published: 2016

Pages: 168

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 1 day

I truly appreciate the idea as well as inclusivity of this book, at the same time I have to say that if anything, I felt it was unfinished. It felt like a first or second draft, just capturing the basic skeleton (pun intended) of the story before the author would return it and actually put meat on it (he he he). Why should I care for characters I know nothing about and met them yesterday? The language was felt adequate yet fairly unimpressive. And in what reality people have such a lacklustre reaction to brutal murder? This book feels like an opportunity not taken and it is a real pity. Because the premise and even the plot had so much potential.

Zinky Boys: Soviet Voices from the Afghanistan War

Author: Svetlana Alexievich

First published: 1989

Pages: 224

Rating: ★★★★★

How long did it take: 5 days

This was an absolutely brutal read. A perfect gallery of human voices and the differences of their experience of the same events. Just really brutal.

Mermaid Moon

Author: Susann Cokal

First published: 2020

Pages: 496

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

How long did it take: 3 days

I am SO disappointed but I guess it serves me right since this one was a complete cover buy. Unfortunately, the gorgeousness of the book (including UNDER the cover) is not matched by the content. I had expected a melancholy fairytale since after all this is supposed to be a sort of retelling of the Little Mermaid. And the premise itself sounded promising too. A young mermaid comes on land to find her long lost human mother, but unexpected happenings surrounding our main protagonist inspires some pretty strong feelings in a humble and religious community. Sadly the story is told in a way which makes me wonder for whom it was intended. Most of the book reads like the most boring and basic teenage romance (including instalove and a love triangle), but then there are really unnecessary descriptions of interspecies mating techniques. The structure of the story is very sloppy. I feel the 2 stars are more than generous.

Hitler's Forgotten Children: The Shocking True Story of the Nazi Kidnapping Conspiracy

Author: Ingrid Von Oelhafen

First published: 2015

Pages: 256

Rating: ★★★☆☆

How long did it take: 3 days

I was misled by the title of the book. I went into it expecting a study of Lebensborn (which was not a completely unknown thing to me) which would explore the reasons of its birth (pun not intended), people behind it, more information on the people who ran it, exploration of the routine and of course personal stories of its children. In a concise but rather short and watered-down way, I got all of those, however, it did not offer me any real depth of information. So what this book actually is? It is a personal memoir of a lady who had battled all of her life with the question of identity and origins and found in her later years that she was actually a Lebensborn baby. We get to know her difficulties over searching for information and eventually finding her origins. On one hand, the story is interesting and the writing very accessible, on the other hand, I found it somewhat unengaging and, as previously noted, not too informative for someone like me, who already possesses some knowledge of the matter, both because I have studied history and because the Nazis stealing children has always been a big topic in my country, Czechoslovakia back then since it happened here too. .

The Home For Unwanted Girls

Author: Joanna Goodman

First published: 2018

Pages: 364

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 3 days

A touching tale about complicated family matters and relationships in the context of 1950s Canada. I really enjoyed it and it earns bonus points for teaching me something new in terms of history. Definitely would recommend if you like books like Before We Were Yours.

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Other Stories

Author: Robert Louis Stevenson

First published: 1886

Pages: 256

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 9 days

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this collection of short stories. True, I did not much care about one and felt a bit disappointed by another (The Suicide Club which had a phenomenal premise but fell short on excitement or satisfying finish), but overall I was quite intrigued and amused.

The Prince and the Dressmaker

Author: Jen Wang

First published: 2018

Pages: 277

Rating: ★★★★☆

How long did it take: 1 day

Oh my gosh this was SO PURE and THAT FINALE actually had me in stitches!!!!

#booklr #wrap up #April 2020

[superman86to99]

Action Comics #692 (October 1993)

In this issue: Superman goes to the doctor and finds out why he's not dead anymore! But, before that, he's clearing some of the debris left by his fight with Doomsday when he finds... Clark Kent? Lois Lane is very happy to see Clark again, but Superman himself doesn't look very thrilled in these panels.

Turns out Clark wasn't dead as everyone believed, he was simply trapped in the basement of a collapsed building! The basement happened to equipped with plenty of food and gym equipment (explaining why he's still jacked, like Superman), but unfortunately not a single pair of scissors (explaining why his hair is now long, like Superman's).

Later, Superman bumps into Lex Luthor Jr., who demands to know where Supergirl is, but Superman gives him the runaround. Hmm, where could Superman's good friend who can change shape and pretend to be other people be? Anyway, Superman then meets Lois and Clark and... holy crap! Mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent is secretly Supergirl!

So yeah, Supergirl pretended to be Clark for a while just so he and Superman would be seen together and no one would question why both are suddenly alive again. Then Supergirl leaves and we move on to the second dilemma solved in this issue: How the hell is Superman alive again? To address that question, supernatural DC character (and fellow Jerry Siegel/Joe Shuster creation) Doctor Occult appears out of nowhere and rudely teleports Lois and Clark to a black void, where he replays moments from Superman's life... and death.

Occult explains that Doomsday DID punch Superman's spirit out of his body, but there was still solar energy keeping the body just barely alive. Superman's ghost ended up stuck between the living and the dead, attracting some nasty soul-eating demons. Fortunately, Pa Kent happened to be dying of a heart attack at the same time, so he and Superman teamed up to fight off the demons (as seen in Adventures #500). Superman’s soul returned to his near-corpse, which was taken to the Fortress of Solitude by the Eradicator and lovingly nursed back into health. (Okay, more like “coldly,” but you can’t argue with the results.)

Anyway, the point is that Superman's resurrection happened due to a convoluted series of events that could never be repeated, unless someone's willing to sneak behind Pa Kent and blow an airhorn in his ear or something. As the mystical exposition dump ends, Occult teleports Lois and Clark to Smallville, and the issue ends with the Kents finally reuniting. A tender moment...

...until two seconds later, when Ma smacks Clark in the back of the head for taking two whole issues to come see them (or that’s what I’d do).

Plotline-Watch:

Doctor Occult reveals that the moment when Bibbo shocked Superman’s body with a hyper-charged defibrillator in Adventures #498 actually helped keep him alive. Once again, Bibbo is the real hero of this saga.

Supergirl has a lot of experience posing as Clark, since she was stuck in that form between 1989 and 1992. That was also her in the only other photo of Superman and Clark together, taken in Superman #34.

While Superman is being interviewed by a news crew after rescuing "Clark", that lawyer from Action #689 barges in and demands that they stop calling Superman Superman, since that name is now trademarked by Superboy's manager. Damn, maybe he's gonna have to start calling himself "Supreme" or something?

Aww, Lex is happy to see Superman again. Sure, it's only because he wants to be the one to kill him, but still.

S.T.A.R. Labs is examining the Eradicator's corpse when they realize he's alive! Sort of. Later, Doctor Occult remarks that the Eradicator sacrificed himself "in mind, if not in body". Hmm. The doctors overseeing his condition are Kitty Faulkner, who can turn into an orange She-Hulk called Rampage after a workplace mishap, and a new character called David Connors, the only S.T.A.R. employee without superpowers. So far.

The JLA returns from the little space vacation the Cyborg sent them on, and we get the first instance in all of comics of Guy Gardner admitting he was wrong. Character growth! Don Sparrow says: “Nice to see some follow-up to the characters around the DCU and how they react to Superman’s return. No mention of the fact that they got suckered into a mission into space that went nowhere.”

When Doctor Occult shows up, Superman is like "aw, not this guy again!", referencing that classic tale of Superman's first encounter with the supernatural... which hasn't come out yet. Don: “It’s a neat forward call-back (is that a thing?) when Superman references his first encounter with Doctor Occult, given that we won’t see it happen until 1995, when DC does a line-wide ‘Year One’ series of stories. And wouldn’t you know it, that story is written by none other than Roger Stern (and even involves tentacles, as in the thumbnail image)!” #rogersternplaysthelonggame

Don Sparrow's section, on the other hand, can be read NOW, after the jump!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow​):

We open with the cover, and it’s one of the top ten best of this era, for sure.  Drawn by Kerry Gammill and Butch Guice, DC used this drawing on the “Return of Superman” cards.  I tend to favour simpler, iconic covers, even when they don’t necessarily represent the story within, but in this case, it’s showing exactly what the heart of the story is about: Clark Kent is back. 

Inside, we open with a full page splash of Superman’s shield, through tons of rubble, and it’s a great image, but without the face, it allows us to focus on the title of the story, a callback to the speech introduction of the old Fleischer Cartoons.

I don’t know if it’s from the writing, or the artist, but Action Comics has always seemed the most romantic of the Super-titles, and this one is no exception, as Clark and Lois have their hands all over each other for basically the whole comic. While it is a bit weird to remember that it isn’t Clark that Lois is caressing (more on that in a bit) in the early part of the story, it always feels intimate and romantic more than it feels graphic or titillating.  A tricky balance that this team pulls off well, particularly in their “reunion” on page 3. [Max: Every time I read this issue I think it’s Martian Manhunter posing as Clark and when they start flirting I’m like “ew”. Then I remember who it is and I’m like “nice”.]

I always enjoy seeing Superman flying upside-down, which I consider to be a Byrne innovation—I don’t remember him doing it pre-Crisis. It always seems so joyful and carefree, and it’s nice to see Superman savouring his powers. 

Jackson Guice uses tone very well in the scenes with Lex Luthor II in his aviators, and I quite like the sense of motion to Superman’s pose as he approaches the helicopter—almost like he’s swimming in the sky rather than floating.

It’s a good drawing of the Eradicator getting the post-Hoth Luke Skywalker treatment, with David Connor and Kitty Faulkner getting an eyeful.  My copy has a slight colouring error that makes it look like the Eradicator is awake in the tank, even though he’s supposed to be catatonic. [Max: Still looks like that in the collections. Maybe he’s one of those people who sleep with their eyes open?]

Superman embracing Lois after the ruse of “Clark Kent” is very cutely drawn, as is the Ghost-like backward embrace on the following page.  

The entire sequence replaying Superman’s death and rebirth is drawn well throughout, especially the dreamlike staging, and the darkness as Lois knocks the flashlight away.  It’s also moving that Superman can see the heroic lengths that Bibbo went to try to save him once Superman succumbed to his injuries.  

Lastly, it was wonderful to see Clark reunited physically with Ma and Pa, especially with the nice touch of the poem by DH Lawrence as the only narration.  Stern was always the best at referencing secondary texts in his stories, and it’s well used here.

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

Is it me, or is Matrix/Supergirl a little too into this Clark Kent act?  I get that making their performances light and funny keep it from seemingly overtly dishonest, but “Clark” is pretty tender in these scenes. Lois does a good job of playing along, but it’s hard for me to fully forget that all this canoodling is actually with Supergirl.  So as a helpful tool, I created these graphics: [Max: Nice.]

It was cool that Lois specifically mentioned that Jimmy got a shot of the returned Clark Kent next to Superman, I always like it when that can happen.

In previous posts, I’ve talked about how creepy it is that Luthor has a sexual relationship with Supergirl/Matrix, when she is in so many ways (mainly mentally) a child, and I can’t help but read the scene where Lois chooses Superman over “Clark” this way.  The laughing and clapping has a whole different feel if you think of her as mentally diminished somewhat.  

So it’s not exactly a continuity error that Clark says on page 13 that he has to call Ma and Pa to let them know that “Clark” is alright (even though he already called them in a previous issue).  It could be that they want to tell the Kents the cover story of Clark’s return has now taken place, and they can act like their son is alive again when they go to the corner store, etc. [Max: Yeah, that’s how I took it. It would be awkward if their neighbors saw them all cheerful while their son is still “dead”.]

 I like to imagine that Dr. Occult looks and sounds like Robert Stack. [Max: It’s impossible for me to hear him as anyone other than Humphrey Bogart after Lois calls him “Sam Spade”.]

We’ve mentioned previously Jackson Guice’s tendency to use photo reference for his characters.  In this issue, Superman looks a lot like Jason Patric to me, who would have made a pretty great Superman had there been movies being made in this time.

I also appreciated this issue explaining both the physical and metaphysical reasons Superman was able to return—and that there’s no back door to the story—if Superman ever died again, he would be unable to return.  

#superman #roger stern #jackson guice #denis rodier #supergirl #justice league #guy gardner #rampage #eradicator #doctor occult #pa kent #ma kent #bibbo bibbowski #S.T.A.R. Labs #cat grant #captain marvel #roger stern plays the long game #nice

[phoenixrisesoncemore]

I was tagged by @wangxianbunnydoodles (oh my, this is long and you might regret it; also I don’t follow instructions well 😉). I tend not to be very good at these things (sorry to anyone else who has tagged me in these kinds of things before—this is a rare event happening mostly because I wanna talk about Tolkien books and ships) but here goes:

Top 3 Ships

I don’t actively ship characters that often. I’m not sure why that is. I do enjoy reading fic with pairings either canon or not, but I don’t often go “all in” on ships in most narratives I consume. There are notable exceptions (more than three but these are the three most recent—I have no idea how to identify my top ships):

WangXian (CQL). This is surely obvious from the current state of my blog, right? I blame The Untamed and its impossibly tender, only-subtextual-by-a-hair’s-breadth romance. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a show express ultimate devotion, deep affection, true appreciation, complete understanding (eventually), and the sheer *necessity of the other* between two people quite like this one has. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever seen two characters and desperately wanted them together and happy as much as I have these two, so bravo to the cast and crew for generating such second-hand devotion in me.

Silvergifting (Tolkien). This is all @thearrogantemu’s fault. I’d read some Silvergifting before I read These Gifts That You Have Given Me, mostly out of curiosity (some good stuff, too!), but I had never read any Tolkien fic that convinced me it was *true* (on many, many levels, though the ship level is the one pertinent to this post). In any canon-like universe this ship hurts, but in the Gifts universe it hurts the most; it hurts like Hell. It hurts in the way only razor-sharp, sorry-the-universe-works-this-way, oh-are-those-my-entrails-on-the-floor-I-didn’t-even-feel-the-knife tragedy can hurt. And it’s so convincing that it’s just...a fact now. Tolkien just forgot to tell us. So now I ship Silvergifting, but most deeply, specifically THAT Silvergifting. (Meanwhile, 14 year old me continues to look at *significantly* older me like I’m insane.)

ZeLink (Legend of Zelda). Deep down I’m still 12 years old and no amount of fine lines and wrinkles is going to change that. When is Breath of the Wild 2 coming out?

Last Song

I listen to soundtracks and bombastic and dramatic orchestral pieces much more often than I listen to what people mean when they say “songs,” and a significant chunk of the “songs” I listen to are from musicals/operas.

Earlier today it was Hanz Zimmer’s soundtrack to Dark Phoenix (don’t start me up on the continuing disappointment that Phoenix adaptations continue to be to me—you don’t want to hear it; even I don’t want to hear it).

Before that it was Barbra Streisand’s The Broadway Album. (I prefer her outer space cover of “Somewhere” to the actual thing. Fight me.)

Before that it was Carmina Burana (One of my favorite things ever was when we went to a live performance of Carmina Burana and a boy who couldn’t have been more than 7 years old sat in the aisle in front of us and head-banged enthusiastically through “O Fortuna.” It was so metal. You go, kid. You get it.).

Before that it was a splattering of Billy Joel hits with emphasis on “2000 Years”, “River of Dreams”, “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant”, “The Stranger”, and “Only the Good Die Young” (thanks to that outstanding WangXian interpretation!).

Of course the soundtracks to The Untamed/CQL have been on repeat for weeks around here, particularly every single iteration of “WuJi” and the flute-heavy instrumental pieces (man, those are good!).

Not long ago I had Sarah Brightman’s covers of “Figlio Perduto” from La Luna and “Glosoli” and “One Day Like This” from Dreamchaser burning through my iPhone battery (yes, I like popera).

Enya, and especially Shepherd Moons and The Track Which Shall Not Be Named has been on repeat a lot.

Last Movie

I don’t sit down to watch movies that often any more. It just takes too much stillness and undivided attention and more resistance to multi-tasking than I have. The actual last movie that I watched (in a “have it on on another screen while I work” kind of way) was Raiders of the Lost Ark, which, of course, I’ve seen umpteen times and which followed a similar rewatch of the Back to the Future trilogy. The last movie I watched completely without distraction was Book Smart; I don’t watch comedies very often, but I really enjoyed it in an “OMG, I can totally relate to this” kind of way (except for the class president thing—that would have required that I interact with other people my own age and also not be homeschooled). Before that I think it was the Tolkien biopic. Man, I still haven’t written anything about that.

Currently Reading (in order of when I started them)

Oh dear.

The Familiar: part 1, Mark Z Danielewski. *sigh* For as much as I think Danielewski is brilliant and House of Leaves is one of my favorite books ever, I’ve just not been able to get into much of his other work. It’s universally a time and energy investment to penetrate and puzzle through, and I just don’t have as much of that as I used to. House of Leaves makes that investment worth it from early on and is absolutely a page-turner once you settle in, but other than The Fifty Year Sword I’ve just not been able to get into the rest of his work. The Familiar: part 1 is supposed to be the first in a 26 part series which is currently halted at part 4, I think. Without a guarantee of all parts ever being published, I don’t think I’m ready to invest more time into part 1 and may end up abandoning it, unfortunately.

History of The Hobbit, Douglas Anderson. Anderson did what Christopher didn’t and gave The Hobbit the HoMe treatment (if a bit less literal and opaque in format). It’s fascinating (I mean, there’s the Beren and Luthien name drop you were not expecting right there in the first draft), but reading essentially the same passages with only small changes over and over can be a slog, so reading it has been an ongoing project for over a year now.

Splintered Light: Logos and Language in Tolkien’s World, Verlyn Fleiger. This is Fleiger’s look at Tolkien’s Middle-earth in light of his association with Owen Barfield. Particularly, she is examining Tolkien’s work in conjunction with Barfield’s Poetic Diction and his thoughts on language and meaning. I have not read Poetic Diction, but I probably will now since it apparently addresses language formation as related to the origin of human consciousness which is SO up my alley.

New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton. My late sister-in-law had a masters in theology from Notre Dame and became a huge Merton fan. Meanwhile, my best friend actually spent a weekend retreat at The Abbey of Gethsemani. Between hearing about him from the two of them, I developed an interest in Merton. I happened to read “Moral Theology of the Devil” a couple of years ago. It was one of the most illuminating theological things I have read and deeply inspired my own Tolkien fic-writing (let’s just say the progress there is otherwise slow). This book is a collection of pieces which happens to contain that piece, and I’ve been skipping around through it for a while now.

The Lord of the Rings reread (Tolkien, obviously). I hate this, but I am so deep in so many critical Tolkien books that I’ve not had the chance to really sit down and relax into my reread for months and months and will likely just end up starting over. Plus I want to read it concurrently with the next entry in this list and the next entry is taking longer to get through because of its format. That entry being:

The Lord of the the Rings: A Reader’s Companion, Hammond and Scull. This is a treasure trove of data and insights for those really wanting to dig critically-historically into The Lord of the Rings on a chapter-by-chapter, passage-by-passage basis. The only issue with it is that jumping back and forth between the two (as you have to: this is a reference book) tends to kill the mood of The Lord of the Rings when read as it’s meant to be read: for enjoyment!

The Power of Limits: Proportional Harmonies in Nature, Art, and Architecture, Gyorgy Doczi. This has been an ongoing read here and there since Christmas, especially as I work on two personal projects.

The Gospel in a Pluralist Society, Lesslie Newbigin. To be honest I don’t think I am going to finish this one. I like a few of the things he says, things I think are truthful and which need to be confronted in American Christian culture in particular, but it’s just too much Calvin for my taste, too many assumptions I do not share being the heretic that I am, and I spend too much time anger-notating about theology to read it with grace.

In Full Measure I Return to You, thearrogantemu. This is a reread of the (relatively) happy AU fic for my most favoritest Tolkien fic (Gifts), but I’ve put my reread on hold while I finish one of the two projects, after which I am diving in and screw the rest of this list for the time being.

Food Craving

Sushi. My kingdom for some good sushi. I’ve only had sushi once since we got back from NY and while it was the best sushi I have had locally IT WAS NOT OMAKASE AT SUSHI NOZ. It also didn’t require a personal loan to pay for, but *shrug* I’m spoiled now and will forever crave what I can no longer have.

People I’d Like To Get To Know Better

I hate tagging people in these things because I’m awkward and shy and do them so rarely myself that it feels hypocritical for me to ask it of others. That being said: if you’re a follower of my blog and you want to do this, please do! And please tag me! I’d love to get to know more about you 😊.

#getting to know you #wangxianbunnydoodles #tolkien #the untamed #movies #music #books #food

[0poole]

Why I don’t really like anime

Alright well here’s one that’s pure “who tf asked” energy but it’s something I’ve legitimately been thinking about. Most of these are just me trying to organize how I think. I try to keep away from this general aura of saying I don’t like something completely unprompted, but my brother is a massive anime fan so I’m around anime a lot more than anything else I’m not into.

Obviously I’m gonna have to preface this with the whole spiel. People can do and enjoy literally anything they want so long as it doesn’t hurt other people. Apart from that, this is just me putting thoughts onto paper and shouting them out into the void pretending people on the internet care or even will hear in the first place. And, apart from THAT, I’m also saying I just don’t like it, not that it’s “bad.” Anyone saying something as expansive as anime can be universally “bad” is objectively an idiot who doesn’t know how things work. Also, I’m not trying to cover my bases as if I expect anime fans to hound me like people stereotypically assume they would, I’ll always cover my bases when saying things like this to catch literally anyone and make the undertones of what I’m actually saying perfectly clear to everyone.

And similar to that, absolutely none of this stems from the less affectionate stereotypes of anime fans. Let it be known that I’ve been a part of various fandoms, including My Little Pony, Steven Universe, Undertale, and probably some others that have just-kinda-bad to horrible stereotypes put on them because of the true weirdos in the fandom who act seriously out of turn. I know the feeling of being lumped in with those unfortunately remarkable people as if this giant group acts basically in the same way/agrees with the same actions. Plus, anime has grown so far beyond the “nerd culture” that I feel like it’s more normal to like at least a little anime than to not like it at all, so people that suggest all anime fans are weirdos are the weird ones.

    But yeah, over time I’ve definitely felt a full bias against anime for some reason. Obviously some fit into my interests and get into my mind when I had an anime phase (like anyone), as I’ll mention, but for the most part if something is brought up as “anime” I just lose all interest in watching it. I feel like in terms of my overall biases, there are only three types of series: Non-anime animation, Anime, and Live action. For some reason, live action series are even worse in the bias chart than anime. I literally can’t muster up even the slightest interest in a live action series, while I can at least sometimes get behind the idea of an anime (and it’s a whole different can of worms for movies/other forms).

    The reason why I say “non-anime” animation instead of “western” animation is because it really doesn’t have to do with place of origin at all. Also, calling stuff “western” kind of excludes non-Japanese eastern countries that don’t produce anime, like Russia and India. For me, the question is just anime compared to all other types of animation. Aside from the objectively bad art styles of course.

That really just gets troubling with the true definition of “anime,” though, but as far as I care to define it it’s entirely revolving around the art and animation style, and maybe various other stylistic things as well. It’s one of those “hard to define it, but you can usually spot one when you see it” sort of things. But, I feel like even though “anime” might literally just mean “Japanese animation” in general, I feel like there are Japanese animations that could not be “anime.” For example, the big one being anything by Studio Ghibli. It honestly could or could not be anime, but the fact that there is a debate suggests that there’s more to anime than it just being Japanese. If it’s not origin, then basically all of it rests on the style itself. Especially since so many people start off trying to draw “anime style” (like I did), and since some things have been called “French anime” (a term which honestly gets me infinitely more into an idea for some reason, I guess it being “French” reverses the negative bias from “anime”). Then of course it gets into murky water, though, like are Teen Titans (the original) or Avatar: The Last Airbender anime? It’s obviously something that doesn’t have a clear definition and it sucks. But, it’s easier for me to talk about if it’s limited to the art style, because that’s pretty much my main gripe with the whole thing.

I could also just not even remotely know what I’m talking about but just go with it.

If it had to be limited to a single sentence, the main reason why I don’t like anime is that it feels like 90% of it looks extremely similar to one another. See a few paragraphs down for the major exceptions, because there’s always exceptions. Also I’m sure someone somewhere is trying to pull out the “Calarts style” argument here and honestly nothing inoffensive pisses me off more than that and I’m gonna for sure make a separate rant on that some day. Obviously “western” animation isn’t the saving grace either, but it feels closer in general.

It may be one of those things that is supposed to be more functional, of course. I’d have to imagine it’s much more writing-focused, because, if I were an executive at an animation company, I could definitely get sold on a story much more easily if it followed very similar artistic practices that have been used by so many other companies/groups. Plus, for the audience, it’s probably easier to enjoy a story when you are pretty sure you’re going to be into the art style of the show by default. I’d have to imagine that’s why there are so many different anime (animes? Consider it a fish/fishes type thing) out there. For the most part, too, it seems like the vast majority of it is animated simply, with the higher detail and budget being saved for the big events. I’ll never say it’s not a reasonable thing to exist. It just sucks when the one thing made to be so universal is the one thing you don’t like. 

But I’m definitely realizing I care about the visual of an animation more than the story. Definitely, a few years ago, I went full stereotypical writer, and cared so much more about the story itself than how things looked, but I definitely have changed from that. I’m much more likely to enjoy a story that’s pretty simple and easygoing that’s told in amazing animation than a highly detailed and complex story that’s told in pretty simple and easygoing animation. I mean, apart from that, I definitely don’t like the idea of a story’s complexity being one of its selling points, but that’s beside the point. Also, not to suggest all anime are “simply animated.” Exceptions are everywhere.

I’m the type of person who can enjoy something by “turning my brain off,” if you want to discredit the value of simplistic stories. Plus, now that I’m starting to try and make animations of my own, whenever I see some crazy good animation I’m halfway between “The animators are legends for putting in the massive legwork of making that” and “The animators are legends for making so impossibly good and high quality.” It also boggles my mind a bit when I see an overly detailed anime character/mech/whatever move. Someone had to animate that.

And then there’s one specific gripe that’s basically exactly that, but distilled into its purest form, and that’s how practically all young male protagonists in a mostly realistic setting in anime look like actual doppelgangers with each other. But, again, that’s a product of japanese society being less racially diverse overall compared to the Americas, so obviously the archetypal male is going to look much more average compared to what I’m used to. Just because there’s a reason doesn’t mean I have to like it, though. And, obviously, a lot of anime doesn’t have this issue, especially with the slightly less prevalent idea of “anime protagonist hair” of the past. Plus, girl characters don’t really seem to have this issue, and lord knows anime girls are a big thing. And, even worse for my case, it’s the same issue I have with the Calarts argument: The protagonists are supposed to look more average/approachable, while the side characters and environment can go the extra design-distance. I will say though that if an anime features the main character who looks just like that one archetype, I just can’t like it at all. It’s too plain. Same goes for when characters attend a school, and their “main” outfit is just their school uniform. Obviously practically all schools in Japan have uniforms, but it’s just so boring from a character design prospective. 

Another big part of the style that I don’t like is just the level of detail anime characters/things often have. The worst part of this is always, ALWAYS the hair. It always looks so greasy and stringy, and it just makes me feel gross looking at it for too long. I don’t even care what color it is. Something a little less universal are the more fantastical side of outfits some characters wear some of the time. Obviously some outfits just go too far with detail, or maybe try too hard for a specific look that it thwarts the design as a whole. It’s kind of hard to say that without having specific examples, but I’ll always prefer bigger shapes and relative simplicity over the level of detail most anime characters have. Same goes for items too. 

One thing that’s very easy to avoid on the larger scale, but still pretty prominent and a thing I genuinely hate, is how much more sexualized things are in anime. Like I said, it’s pretty easy to avoid sexualization because you can usually tell from the get-go where it’s at its worst, but even in other cases it feels like it creeps in even in the best shows. Trust me, though, I’ll never not admit to being horny, but when I sit down to engage in a genuine story I’m not even joking when I say that there is practically no situation where I want sex to be involved. Romance can be on-and-off, but specifically sexual elements just really throw me off of taking a story seriously, even when it’s actually incorporated into the greater themes and ideas of the story. I don’t know why I’m so averse to it, but I am. But, really, this is more of a writing thing than a visual thing usually. I swear to god, whenever my brother shows me an anime (my family would be completely disconnected from anime without him), there is like a 70-80% chance some female character is going to call a male character a “pervert” (or whatever the untranslated word they use is) and have it play off like a casual joke/remark. That shit actually makes me want to die. It doesn’t even matter whether or not they’re actually being a pervert, the mere mention of the remote idea genuinely pisses me off to no end.

Even though it’s just barely relevant, the way they always draw people with blood shooting out of their nose when they see lewd things makes me feel uncomfortable too. I’m not sure what anime originated that trend, because it sure as hell can’t be a thing from real life. That just doesn’t happen on the scale it happens in anime. Plus, it can’t feel good. 

Strangely enough, one of the main things that doesn’t put me off is having to watch with subtitles. For one, if there’s any culture whose animation I enjoy inherently more by default, it’s French animation, so I still deal with it outside of anime. And, even when I understand the language being spoken, I still like watching with subtitles just so I never mishear or misunderstand something. But, also, I’m actually completely on the “sub” side of the age-old-and-probably-ignored-nowadays-but-i’m-behind-the-times “Dubs vs Subs” debate. For some reason, it is extremely hard for me to look at an anime with a very plainly english voice over top of it. It just doesn’t feel right, almost ever. Some get it right of course, but the general state of dubs is pretty low compared to just reading text with the default emotions behind them. It sounds kind of counterintuitive, because I can’t exactly admire the animation as much if I’m reading text, but I feel like I’ve watched and written enough (even though it doesn’t exactly take much to find this skill) to realize what the general effect of a scene is, and when I do, I can usually watch the actual animation itself instead of reading the text. Like with French stuff, I can pick up very few words that repeat and match them to the subtitles to learn just the slightest bit of another language. I actually took a French language class in high school though, so it’s much easier then…

And one thing that I actually wish non-anime did was make different intro sequences/songs for different seasons/sections of the story. Even though some classic cartoon intros are so insanely classic that it’s hard to want to get something else, I can imagine that, for the most part, the alternative intros could be just as good. I guess it’s because we have so many more episodic shows, so the same intro could reasonably apply to the whole show as if it’s practically the same thing over its entire course, unlike anime which are more structured and progress with each season. I just want more music.

Of course different anime differ in levels between these, with some being major problems in some areas and being completely fine in others. I really don’t like going super in-depth about things I hate though, so let’s just skip that.

But the only rule without an exception is the rule that states “everything has an exception,” so there are a few anime that I actually like, or ones that I respect from afar. I did have an anime nerd phase in my past, although it wasn’t super intense or long lived, but in that period a few anime did sneak into my radar and I still like them, mostly because I can’t help but love the nostalgia. 

The one that kinda doesn’t count is the Pokemon anime. I like it because it’s Pokemon and I love Pokemon. Plus, it’s based on literally the most profitable gaming franchise ever, so it’s not like a fringe indie series. I will say that I actually really like the artistic direction they’ve taken for both the series and the official artwork/design as a whole. The Sun and Moon series looked pretty cute but maybe took it a bit too far, but the current series has a great balance of the clean, expressiveness of the Sun and Moon series but the solid-ness of the series before it. Apart from that, though, it’s one of those things I only still watch out of obligation, and for the rare good moments. I just love watching Pokemon exist, you know? Since I’ve watched so much of it already, and don’t have too much else to watch on a weekly basis, there’s no reason not to just put on the newest episode. It’s funny, though, because I normally like the dub of the anime more than the sub, but since the Sun and Moon series upped Ash’s expressiveness up to 10 it felt like his old dub voice actress didn’t quite match him anymore. Since I had no impression on what his original japanese voice sounded like, it was easy to start watching the subbed version and apply his new traits onto that voice. Either way, watching the subbed version means I can watch further into the series, and can’t get spoiled on things that’ll happen weeks/months down the line in the dub. As I said, it’s pretty normal nowadays to be into anime, meaning so many more people are following the Japanese episode release times and posting about it ASAP.

One that’s pretty expected is One Punch Man, which I watched once I heard someone explain it as “a parody of anime,” or something to that effect. The greatest thing about parodies is that they can be enjoyed both by those who love the thing being riffed on, and those that don’t. So, I watched it, and loved it. Me thinking about it like a parody also let me pass by the usual gripes I had with anime as a whole, like over-the-top crazy strong villains explaining so much out in the open, only to get one-shot by Saitama. And, the more obvious parody elements, such as Saitama becoming so strong just by exercising a lot, and just being a generally understated guy who just kinda is around. Pairing him with Genos, the more stereotypical anime powerhouse protagonist, is a great choice. For the animation, they even go super hard on the battles partially, I’d have to guess, because it still is just cool, but also to juxtapose how relatively simple Saitama is. There’s even some great character designs in there, like I remember this one single-episode side villain who was like a silhouette girl (?) with sharp teeth and long, seaweed-like hair that I loved the most. There’s also that second-in-command henchman guy under the main season 1 villain who looked sort of octopus-like, and I think had a crazy stupid name. I even liked the second season, which I guess most people didn’t like as much? It might’ve not been the highest of highs but I didn’t hate too much of it. 

One of the weirder examples is Attack on Titan because of the artstyle. For some reason, it feels like the characters of AoT are drawn and designed so well that they can look anime, realistic, and just barely cartoonic at the same time, creating diverse and impressionable characters without having to resort to the crazy stuff like colored hair and weird clothes. Plus, this lends extremely well to the overall atmosphere of the show, which of course is more grim in a slightly more realistic setting, but with the occasional guise of happiness some scenes have. It can be everything at once. But, of course, I only realized that after watching it, and the main selling point was actually how interesting and unique the story was, while remaining, at first, pretty simplistic all things considered. I just loved dudes with giant swords jet boosting up to a shambling giant and slicing the back of their neck. Compared to most anime, it was so specifically designed, instead of having a lot of detail put into everything to have the uniqueness. The Scout uniform is basically iconic at this point, while remaining pretty straightforward and, even better, completely unrevealing. Even when you hear the idea of an “anime sword” you also kind of think of something super flamboyant and complex, while the Scouts’ swords are also pretty simple, but very recognizable, basically being a rectangle, and also being replaceable. The whole device they use to get around is also so simple, yet so cool, and relatively reasonable. From a writing perspective, it’s also really good to have all main characters be on practically the same playing field in terms of abilities (aside from, you know, Erin) so each knows their full limitations, and you don’t learn anything out of the blue in the midst of battle. Even better, it’s a type of power you have to be genuinely skilled with, not like how most stories pull the “you’re inherently powerful you just need to release it!” sort of deal (Again, Erin).

I am kinda falling out of interest with the story as it progresses, though, but it’s entirely not the creators’ faults. Part of the appeal initially was how mysteriously cool and terrifying the Titans were, and why everything in this world was the way it was. Like with pretty much everything going on for long periods of time, the explanation had to come eventually, and it never is quite as good as you thought it’d be. Now that I know exactly why everything is the way it is, a lot of the magic kind of dissipated. Plus, that subplot of the false royalty of their kingdom and all the politics of that got very Star Wars Prequels with me. I didn’t come for that stuff. I am still a bit in that “I’m obligated to watch it since I’ve watched so much already” camp, so if they ever continue the series I’ll get back in. I’m definitely not at all the manga type, though. I don’t really like long form comics as a whole, and my eyes genuinely hurt looking at most manga because it seems they don’t use different shades of grey as much as they should. It’s all black and white, and my eyes can’t stand it. It’s the digital age, dammit. Leave the old style behind.

Even though I already said it’s on the verge of being anime and even though It’s all movies (I think?) you gotta admit Studio Ghibli stuff is just impossibly magical. I can only actively remember seeing like 3 of them (Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, and Ponyo) but I would actually sell my soul to keep these movies in existence. I’m highly considering watching Kiki’s Delivery Service next because I think it’s on some streaming service my family has, where I can literally just watch it whenever with no fuss. They all fall into that kind of foreign fantasy genre that I love to all hell, because the “usual” for western fantasy has gotten impossibly stale and I actually kind of hate it now. Literally whenever any kind of story is a fantasy story, but with fantastical elements coming from some culture that isn’t the norm for fantasy, I can’t help but love it. Even though I’m talking more about the high fantasy genre, I can still love Ghibli stuff for being so adorably casual and local, making it feel so much more like every little thing they show you exists in some magical recess in the real world. The artstyle also has that kind of feel, where it’s cute in that weird-looking way. Plus, it’s a movie, so there’s a more solid stream of higher quality animation, instead of the more necessarily efficient series. Also also, I would die for Chihiro. That’s all.

For the stuff I don’t actively engage with as much, you can’t not mention the big Shonen Jump names, like One Piece, Naruto, and the one I interacted with the most, Yu Gi Oh. I’ve watched all three of those to some extent at some point in my life, but they didn’t really stay too much. 

One Piece has another remarkable artstyle, being so weird and quirky and large-faced with everything. I can also appreciate the fantastical pirate elements, as well as the very unique superpowers of Luffy, and the rest of the Devil Fruit powers. I would totally try watching again if it didn’t have over 900 goddamn episodes. That’s the problem with watching super popular stuff like that, it goes on forever, and it’s so hard to make that commitment. Either way, I think that one guy with the cigarette/lollipop was a walking “pervert” joke so I don’t miss it too much. I also honestly think a non-episodic series that goes over like 200-something episodes can’t possibly have a truly balanced and engaging story all throughout.

Naruto also had that “High fantasy of another culture” appeal to it, and is probably the most classic anime that isn’t Dragonball (which I personally am not really into at all, never was). I don’t really have too much to say about it, but I did really like the Wii game I had where it was a fighter with all the characters. I haven’t checked, but I’m pretty sure Naruto’s just like One Piece in that there are too many episodes to make the commitment and I think Naruto might even have a worse problem with “Pervert” jokes, but I don’t remember exactly.

Yu Gi Oh, on the other hand, is actually still sort of my jam. The recent stuff, whether it’s the cards or the series, is completely beyond me, and looks like the true anime BS that I don’t like, but the OG Yu Gi Oh stuff was awesome. I still know how to play the card game, at least with the earlier, simpler rules and card effects. I don’t even know how to play the Pokemon card game, and Pokemon’s one of my favorite things ever. I wish we still had those pre-made decks sorted so I could just play really quickly with those to regain my idea for strategy, and then make an original deck of the hundreds of hundreds of cards we have lying around. It’d be fun for no other reason than nostalgia. The video games are probably a good place to start, and I still have that old PC one where it was split into multiple versions for like Yugi, Kaiba, and Joey I think. I had the Yugi one, and last time I tried I actually had trouble beating him. There’s a semi-decent multiplayer one I have on Steam right now but it’s one of those things where I could either play that, or just… not, and continue life as normal. I might try it out again, but I already feel like I’m wasting my day. Oh my god, then Dungeon Dice Monsters on Gameboy Advance? Who needs anything else for that plane ride, am I right? I think there’s even those semi-story based RPGs on the Gameboy too that I should probably try out again. There’s just so much goodness.

And I haven’t even talked about the anime yet. Definitely the more meme-able of the classic anime, and I can definitely appreciate it for that. It was pretty weird in its own way. Especially with Yugi himself having what might just be the most insane and nonsensical hair style of all of anime. But, even then, I actually think it’s my all-time favorite, and I kinda love it. I have no idea why I do, but I do. I couldn’t even conceive of how to draw it from anything other than the front view. I also seriously appreciate when a character’s main icon/representation is something unique, and the Dark Magician is such an insanely cool character for just being some random dude on a card. Even apart from that, the Millenium Puzzle looks really cool, as does pretty much anything with an Egyptian flair to it. Then, we got the man, the legend, Joey Wheeler, who would not have been the same with any other voice actor. I stand by the fact that Tea and Tristan should’ve been fused into a hot-headed tomboy though, you really could’ve done without them both separately. Kaiba is also a classic anime antagonist/antihero, and he’s pretty lovable for it. Such great characters for something that really didn’t need them at all. I definitely have more nostalgia for the card/video game overall, but the anime definitely has an impression of its own. 

There’s also Zatch Bell, which I only know about in full because of that one Billiam video. I did have some vague idea of what Zatch Bell was, but only because we got those cool little books to hold the cards in. Honestly though the average character design in the show kinda sucks considering the fantastical elements are kind of cool. The only reason why I’m bringing it up at all is because I think Zatch’s design might be my all-time favorite character design in any anime property ever. His hair does still look pretty greasy, sure, but overall he has a very simple and clear design, and even though I’d definitely redesign him to look more puppet-like, the only reason why I see him as a puppet is because of the lines going down his cheeks. Those lines might be one of my all-time favorite single character design details for some reason. He also has a giant bow around his neck, and that plus the wide dress seriously makes him feel like a character I’d design (mostly because I have a character with somewhat the same details) minus the uber-generic anime boy protagonist sidekick.

For the list of anime I haven’t engaged with at all yet but can respect from afar, the shortest one I can describe is that one with that skeleton guy who has that average job and it’s animated very plainly, almost like a more western adult animation. You know, that one who got the meme with the subtitle of “Thanks, but reconsider!!!” with him looking all average but also anime-shocked at the same time. I can appreciate the deviation from pretty much every norm for sure.

For the more popular stuff, probably the second most likely for me to watch is My Hero Academia. The artstyle is just varied enough to make it feel better. Sometimes the hero outfits get a little weird, but most of the time they’re alright. What I’m really here for is the base character designs under them. Deku is an amazing average protagonist character design, who definitely looks average but still unique enough to not look boring. Designs like that are hard to come by, because it’s so much easier to use more over-the-top unique elements to make the main character unique. Doing more with less is always preferable though. I could list off all the characters and all, but beyond Deku I really would just be saying things like “The guy who looks like a crow or whatever.” Except for Tsuyu. Tsuyu is best girl, and if you don’t draw her mouth wide enough I’ll be sorely disappointed in you. I think there isn’t a single character I love more from a property I don’t engage with at all. To be honest, I don’t think there’s a serious chance for me really wanting to get into it, though, mainly because I’m intimidated by that little shitstain with the weird latex ball mohawk. As I’ve heard, he’s the walking “pervert” joke type. Could be wrong. I hope so.

The most likely is another Academia, that being Little Witch Academia. It looks adorable as all hell, and the fantasy elements look classically fun, being a sort of bubbly spin on the more generic Harry Potter-type stuff you might imagine for a witch/wizard school. I’ve heard that any Studio Trigger series is animated very well, but somewhat lacking in the story department, but as I said before I can very easily enjoy a simple story with great animation in front of it, so it really seems super up my alley. Plus, it’s just like, ON Netflix. I could literally just boot it up any second and start watching. 

I usually try to organize these paragraphs/lists in ascending order of interest, but I gotta break that for something that’s super half-and-half, and sort of the one that triggered me to want to finally write down all this junk. Madoka Magica is occasionally really cool, with the absurd and bizarre imagery of each Witch and Labyrinth, and I seriously love that part. But… Then it turns to the characters, which I honestly hate looking at multiple times more than the average anime character. Maybe it was somehow intentional, but their faces seriously look like those drawn by kids just starting out trying to draw anime, but just barely adjusted to look more polished for the sake of decency. I’m also not really into the story, being this massive juxtaposition of cutesy little magical girl antics and hellish demonic nonsense and brutal events. Trust me, I’m not the one to shy away from intense, adult stuff in animation, but I feel like the two extremes are almost too far apart from each other to really get into. That, and the magical girl dresses they each transform into was the specific inspiration for me mentioning designs that feel like they’re too set on doing one thing that it hinders their overall design. The yellow girl’s dress looks pretty cool though, since she has those weird poofy shoulder things, another character design trait I love. I just had to mention it because of how crazy interesting the Witches and Labyrinths are. 

I just remembered Sailor Moon existed as I was writing that, and I’m not insanely opposed to looking into it. It might fight with Dragonball for the title of most classic anime ever. It also looks kind of cutesy-fun, which I can enjoy, but I definitely would expect it being a bit old to be its downfall. The artstyle alone gives me some vicarious nostalgia, even though I’ve never engaged with anything styled like it (and honestly believe it’s objectively worse than the anime style that’s more common nowadays). People as a whole seem to be nostalgic about it, so it’s kind of hard not to also feel it a little bit. As I said, though, I do kinda hate it compared to modern stuff. Same thing applies to Dragonball and really anything of Toryiama’s work. I can see the nostalgia from other people, but I just don’t like it.

I’m sure there are others that are just barely being forgotten about, but you get the point.

So yeah, that’s basically why I hate anime except I talk more about the anime I do like instead of hating on it as a whole. Believe it or not, when I like animation, I truly do like it, regardless of whatever form it is. But still, anime as a whole is not at all my thing. Feed me my generic Disney Channel “Calarts” SJW shlock instead. 

#anime #who tf asked #rant #rambling #opinions #poole #etc #animation

[coffeebased]

Hey! Wikathon na! I’ve started reading Relocations by Karen Tongson, about a third through now, but I had to take a little detour through Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir like I said I would. I’ve finished reading HtN but I’m not quite done experiencing it, so I’ll probably pick Relocations back up tomorrow.

But here’s what I read in July! What’s a segue?

1. Haikyu!! Volume 44 and 45 by Haruichi Furudate

A chance event triggered Shouyou Hinata’s love for volleyball. His club had no members, but somehow persevered and finally made it into its very first and final regular match of middle school, where it was steamrolled by Tobio Kageyama, a superstar player known as “King of the Court.”

Vowing revenge, Hinata applied to the Karasuno High School volleyball club… only to come face-to-face with his hated rival, Kageyama!

And with those two volumes, Haikyū has ended. I’m really glad that my cousin got me to catch up to the series because being a part of the sheer joy and love that’s poured out the fandom these past few months has been refreshing to my spirit. I enjoyed the way Furudate brought the series to its conclusion, by giving all the characters a future and room to grow. I hope to hear more from him in the upcoming years.

  2. Looking for Group by Alexis Hall

I read Looking for Group because I was reading up on Alexis Hall in anticipation of Boyfriend Material, which I will talk about later, and saw the synopsis:

So, yeah, I play Heroes of Legend, y’know, the MMO. I’m not like obsessed or addicted or anything. It’s just a game. Anyway, there was this girl in my guild who I really liked because she was funny and nerdy and a great healer. Of course, my mates thought it was hilarious I was into someone I’d met online. And they thought it was even more hilarious when she turned out to be a boy IRL. But the joke’s on them because I still really like him.

And now that we’re together, it’s going pretty well. Except sometimes I think Kit—that’s his name, sorry I didn’t mention that—spends way too much time in HoL. I know he has friends in the guild, but he has me now, and my friends, and everyone knows people you meet online aren’t real. I mean. Not Kit. Kit’s real. Obviously.

Oh, I’m Drew, by the way. This is sort of my story. About how I messed up some stuff and figured out some stuff. And fell in love and stuff.

And I knew that I had to read it. Immediately.

I enjoyed it way too much. The characters were adorable, the conflict was done well, the geeky gamer wrapper was AMAZING and the author never dropped the ball on integrating the online game into the narrative. It was very readable and I enjoyed the atmosphere of the book immensely. I also may have spent a heady week or so thinking of playing WoW, but I avoided that temptation. Made me miss uni too, and the way my friends and I would spend countless hours with each other.

  3. Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall

Wanted: One (fake) boyfriend Practically perfect in every way

Luc O’Donnell is tangentially–and reluctantly–famous. His rock star parents split when he was young, and the father he’s never met spent the next twenty years cruising in and out of rehab. Now that his dad’s making a comeback, Luc’s back in the public eye, and one compromising photo is enough to ruin everything.

To clean up his image, Luc has to find a nice, normal relationship…and Oliver Blackwood is as nice and normal as they come. He’s a barrister, an ethical vegetarian, and he’s never inspired a moment of scandal in his life. In other words: perfect boyfriend material. Unfortunately apart from being gay, single, and really, really in need of a date for a big event, Luc and Oliver have nothing in common. So they strike a deal to be publicity-friendly (fake) boyfriends until the dust has settled. Then they can go their separate ways and pretend it never happened.

But the thing about fake-dating is that it can feel a lot like real-dating. And that’s when you get used to someone. Start falling for them. Don’t ever want to let them go.

I came into this book with high expectations after Looking for Group, and my expectations were mostly met. The few issues I had were ultimately negligible, probably cultural differences or conventions of a genre that I’m not familiar with. The characters were strong, and I found the book funny. I know it sounds as though I’m damning it with faint praise, so I’ll say it plainly: it was an enjoyable read and I was totally invested in the romance. I think it’ll make a really good film as well.

4. The Subtweet by Vivek Shraya

Everyone talks about falling in love, but falling in friendship can be just as captivating. When Neela Devaki’s song is covered by internet-famous artist Rukmini, the two musicians meet and a transformative friendship begins. But as Rukmini’s star rises and Neela’s stagnates, jealousy and self-doubt creep in. With a single tweet, their friendship implodes, one career is destroyed, and the two women find themselves at the center of an internet firestorm.

Celebrated multidisciplinary artist Vivek Shraya’s second novel is a stirring examination of making art in the modern era, a love letter to brown women, an authentic glimpse into the music industry, and a nuanced exploration of the promise and peril of being seen.

If you’re a millennial and if you’ve ever had complicated friendships, this book will ring really true for most of it, I think. I kept wincing at the characters’ actions and “mistakes”, recognising them as things I or my friends have done, but there are portions of the story that I found inaccessible because Neela, the main character, just seems really opaque even when they’re the ones speaking. The music Shraya made as a companion to the book slaps and can be found here.

  5. Empowered 11 by Adam Warren

Costumed crimefighter Empowered finds herself the desperate prey of a maniacal supervillain whose godlike powers have turned an entire city of suprahumans against her.

Not good! Outnumbered and under siege, aided only by a hero’s ghost, can Emp survive the relentless onslaught long enough to free her enslaved teammates and loved ones, or is this–*gulp*–The End?

From comics overlord Adam Warren comes Empowered, the acclaimed sexy superhero comedy–except when it isn’t, as in this volume’s no-nonsense, wall-to-wall brawl guaranteed to bring tears to the eye and fists to the face!

Warren’s tying up a lot of loose ends and answering a lot of questions and I’m wondering if that means Empowered‘s ending soon. I haven’t seen any info regarding this, even though the words “The End” are right there in the summary, because comic books always lean on the whole the hero could die! thing, and more often than not they never do. But Emp has come so far in the past 11 volumes, and I think that she’s ready to confront a lot of the stuff that Warren’s only hinted at in the past. Most of Empowered is about how Emp deals with failure and how she rises above it, and recently it’s become about how other people have failed her, rather than how she has failed, and how she deserves better. I’m worried about her, but at least we are another volume’s worth of evidence for the Emp/Thugboy/Ninjette OT3.

  6. Sex and Vanity by Kevin Kwan

The iconic author of the bestselling phenomenon Crazy Rich Asians returns with a glittering tale of love and longing as a young woman finds herself torn between two worlds–the WASP establishment of her father’s family and George Zao, a man she is desperately trying to avoid falling in love with.

On her very first morning on the jewel-like island of Capri, Lucie Churchill sets eyes on George Zao and she instantly can’t stand him. She can’t stand it when he gallantly offers to trade hotel rooms with her so that she can have the view of the Tyrrhenian Sea, she can’t stand that he knows more about Curzio Malaparte than she does, and she really can’t stand it when he kisses her in the darkness of the ancient ruins of a Roman villa and they are caught by her snobbish, disapproving cousin, Charlotte. “Your mother is Chinese so it’s no surprise you’d be attracted to someone like him,” Charlotte teases. Daughter of an American-born-Chinese mother and blue-blooded New York father, Lucie has always sublimated the Asian side of herself in favor of the white side, and she adamantly denies having feelings for George. But several years later, when George unexpectedly appears in East Hampton where Lucie is weekending with her new fiancé, Lucie finds herself drawn to George again. Soon, Lucy is spinning a web of deceit that involves her family, her fiancé, the co-op board of her Fifth Avenue apartment, and ultimately herself as she tries mightily to deny George entry into her world–and her heart. Moving between summer playgrounds of privilege, peppered with decadent food and extravagant fashion, Sex and Vanity is a truly modern love story, a daring homage to A Room with a View, and a brilliantly funny comedy of manners set between two cultures.

This was the third romance novel I read in July, and that’s honestly the highest concentration of romance novel I’ve ever had in my life. I know that I’m supposed to find romance novels like super kilig and stuff, but so far I am just very anxious for romance novel protagonists all the time. I think that the whole thing about the romance novels I have read is that they’re mostly about how deeply anxious people learn how to allow themselves to be loved and that is tough! I wanted to protect Lucie all the time! I was Invested in her Welfare, and I don’t think I cared about Rachel Chu from Crazy Rich Asians half as much, even if you condensed all my attachment from the entire trilogy. Also, small spoiler, there is a hint that Sex and Vanity is in the same universe as Crazy Rich Asians, which I think is awesome.

  6. Trust Exercise by Susan Choi

Pulitzer Finalist Susan Choi’s narrative-upending novel about what happens when a first love between high school students is interrupted by the attentions of a charismatic teacher

In an American suburb in the early 1980s, students at a highly competitive performing arts high school struggle and thrive in a rarified bubble, ambitiously pursuing music, movement, Shakespeare, and, particularly, their acting classes. When within this striving “Brotherhood of the Arts,” two freshmen, David and Sarah, fall headlong into love, their passion does not go unnoticed—or untoyed with—by anyone, especially not by their charismatic acting teacher, Mr. Kingsley.

The outside world of family life and economic status, of academic pressure and of their future adult lives, fails to penetrate this school’s walls—until it does, in a shocking spiral of events that catapults the action forward in time and flips the premise upside-down. What the reader believes to have happened to David and Sarah and their friends is not entirely true—though it’s not false, either. It takes until the book’s stunning coda for the final piece of the puzzle to fall into place—revealing truths that will resonate long after the final sentence.

As captivating and tender as it is surprising, Trust Exercise will incite heated conversations about fiction and truth, friendships and loyalties, and will leave readers with wiser understandings of the true capacities of adolescents and of the powers and responsibilities of adults.

This is a book I could not stop reading and I felt gross after I finished it. I think that I enjoyed it and that the narrative flips were well-done and it was engaging, but Choi writes teenage trauma in 3D, and you can smell her scumbag characters. Very good will never read again unless looking to feel bad.

  Re-read:

Temeraire: His Majesty’s Dragon, Throne of Jade, Black Powder War, andEmpire of Ivory by Naomi Novik

Aerial combat brings a thrilling new dimension to the Napoleonic Wars as valiant warriors ride mighty fighting dragons, bred for size or speed. When HMS Reliant captures a French frigate and seizes the precious cargo, an unhatched dragon egg, fate sweeps Captain Will Laurence from his seafaring life into an uncertain future – and an unexpected kinship with a most extraordinary creature. Thrust into the rarified world of the Aerial Corps as master of the dragon Temeraire, he will face a crash course in the daring tactics of airborne battle. For as France’s own dragon-borne forces rally to breach British soil in Bonaparte’s boldest gambit, Laurence and Temeraire must soar into their own baptism of fire.

I started re-reading it because I wanted to introduce it to my girlfriend, and I outpaced her very quickly, and selfishly. She’s still at the beginning fourth of Throne of Jade, and I feel like I blinked and gulped down four of the books in quick succession. I had to stop myself after Empire, in a very belated effort to sync up to my gf’s progress. The series is amazing, and I don’t know if I’ll ever read one like Temeraire again. Being able to revisit it should be enough, really, because every time I do it’s as though I’m caught up in a strong and wonderful wind that fills me up with delight and awe. Novik’s starting a new series this September, and I hope it’s just as good.

    That’s it for July! I’m probably going to do two books at a time for my Wikathon posts, just to keep things fresh and current, so keep a weather eye out for those posts!

  July, next verse, same as the first Hey! Wikathon na! I've started reading Relocations by Karen Tongson, about a third through now, but I had to take a little detour through…

#books #books 2 #reading #reading 2

[shazzeaslightnovels]

Seireitsukai no Blade Dance Elemental Festa

Author: Yuu Shimizu

Illustrator: Yuuji Nimura & Nezumido (Chiptune)

Label: MF Bunko J

Release Date: 25 October 2017

My Score: 2 out of 5

Art Notes: Along with Nimura, Nezumido (Chiptune) is also credited as the illustrator of this volume and I’m pretty sure Nimura only did the cover illustration while Nezumido covered all the insert illustrations but, honestly, all of the illustrations looked similar enough to Nimura’s that I didn’t really notice. This is the final volume of the series that Nimura worked on so it’s a shame that they only provided the cover art. While their art was inconsistent, they still provided some great illustrations during their time working for the series - I still really love the announcement illustration with Restia and Est. It’s so pretty - so I’m sad to see them go.

This is a collection of short stories. The first 6 stories were originally released with limited editions of the BD/DVDs of the anime but I’m not sure about the final one. I think it must have been for one of the events for the idol group that was born from the main 5 heroine’s voice actors for the anime. Except for the 1st story, all of the stories take place during the first 3 volumes and, for the first 6 stories, each focuses on a different heroine.

The first story is Restia’s and it’s easily my favourite in the collection. It’s a prequel story set during the night that Rubia became the Lost Queen and it’s really interesting and cute. I love seeing a young and bratty Kamito that gets teased relentlessly by Restia and we also get cameos of younger Rubia, Claire and Rinslet which was nice to see. I really enjoyed this story and it’s a shame that a full prequel volume was never created for this series as I think it would have been so much fun. The second story belongs to Est who is trying to nurse a sick Kamito and searches for some ingredients to make a remedy for colds. It’s cute enough and it’s nice to see Est interact with characters who aren’t Kamito or Restia for a change but it’s ultimately unmemorable. Next is Fianna who’s story is about her finding part time work to earn some money. Again, it’s cute enough but isn’t very memorable. Rinslet’s and Ellis’ stories are very silly and I didn’t like them. Rinslet’s story involves a spirit that steals girls’ breasts, including Rinslet’s. In Ellis’ story, her and Kamito investigate rumours of ghosts and find the others participating in an old legend where they eat from a nabe pot and, whatever they pick out, they have to eat, even if it’s something inedible like clothes and, when the bowl is finished, the winner gets their wish granted. They were too silly and ecchi for me to like. Claire’s story takes the gang to a hot springs and not a whole lot happens so it’s mostly unmemorable, though there was an interaction between Claire and Kamito that I liked.

The final story, Elemental Festa, is just a story about a special event that happens before the main Blade Dance and the main 5 heroines become idols and Kamito becomes their manager. Again, it’s quite silly and wasn’t really for me and I just wanted Restia to come back.

Overall, I didn’t really care for this volume but the first story, with Restia, made reading it worth it for me. Unfortunately, that was the only storty in the collection that I liked and it being the first story in the collection made the rest of the stories really painful to get through. Restia’s story does elevate my score for the volume above a 1 but, because it’s the only story that I liked, I can’t really give it a 3.

I’ll read volume 17 soon.

#Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance #Blade Dance of the Elementalers #Elemental Festa #Yuu Shimizu #Yuuji Nimura #Nezumido #MF Bunko j #August 2020 #2 stars

[caws5749]

Ch 1: Target Acquired

Hi guys! It’s me, being an idiot again and starting another series! This is a collaboration with another writer, who wishes to remain anonymous. We hope you guys like it! 

Part one of the Dual Assassins

Summary:

Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow aka an Avenger has been sent on a solo mission for the first time in a long time. Little does she know, there’s another assassin sent after her target as well, Jane.  Jane is an original character (inspired from an agent in one of the Mission Impossibles). She’s a master assassin who has spent years honing her skills. With smoldering eyes and an alluring charisma, she excels at seducing and executing her targets. She is self-assured and confident in her abilities, however, she is quick to anger and has been called both “harsh” and “arrogant” by others.  Which one of them will be able to seduce the target and get the job done? Or will they meet and take out the target together? Or take out each other?

Jane’s POV

Okay, who’s the latest target I’ve been tasked with handling? Jane wondered as she stepped into the dim room. It contained a single chair and a metal table, which had an envelope resting on it. Picking up the envelope, she slowly shuffled through the papers and read about her next unfortunate victim.

This one was a rich businessman who not only helped establish a company that had questionable ethics, but also helped fund and supply terrorist groups. Typical scumbag…

Flipping through the pages, she came upon the details of her attack. He was attending a benefit charity for the ultra-wealthy, so they could pretend they were helping those less fortunate. The enormous crowds would be a perfect cover for her to attend and interact with him without drawing attention. He also was notorious for choosing one lucky woman to spend the night with him at these events.

It seemed simple enough. Seduce the man, get him alone, and strike. Since he often disappeared at night, no one would think it suspicious that they hadn’t heard from him for hours. By the time anyone realized he was dead, it would be the following morning. She would be long gone.

Now I just need the right dress, she chuckled to herself.

Natasha’s POV

“Make sense, Agent Romanoff?” Fury asked. Natasha nodded.

“Good. I expect nothing but perfection. This is something you’ve done a thousand times before. Now I know you’re an Avenger now, but you need to keep your skills in check, which is why I’m sending you on this solo mission,” he explained.

“I know, Nick, you don’t have to explain,” Nat replied. He nodded, before dismissing her. She left the conference room and headed down the hallway to her room in the Avengers compound. She walked in and shut the door, before heading to her closet. She discarded her workout clothes and put on her black silk robe, before sitting at her vanity. Nat applied her makeup in a way that accentuated her full lips and sparkling emerald eyes. It didn’t take her long; her Black Widow training had included learning to apply makeup flawlessly in a short amount of time- all a part of the art of seduction.

She sighed, looking at herself in the mirror. It’s been a while since I’ve done this. A knock interrupted her thoughts.

“Come in,” she called.

“Well don’t you look nice,” Clint teased. “First solo mission in a while. Nervous?” She glanced at him, an eyebrow raised. He raised his hands in mock surrender.

“Sorry, forgot who I was talking to,” he chuckled. “Pick out a dress yet?” Nat shook her head.

“That’s my next task,” she replied.

“Well, you’ll look great in whatever you choose. Good luck, but I know you won’t need it.”

“Thanks, Clint,” she sent him a soft smile. He called out a goodbye as he walked out of her room, leaving her to pick out a dress.The event was a benefit charity, requiring something fancier. She skimmed through all of her dresses, before finding the perfect dress. It was a navy, off the shoulder dress, with a modest, straight neckline. It was skin tight, until it flared out below the knees. Nat put it on, checked her hair and makeup, grabbed her guns, and walked out the door.

Natasha gracefully climbed out of the backseat of the limo, walking up the stairs into the Ritz Carlton, letting her hips sway seductively. Within moments of entering, she knew she had several sets of eyes on her. She let a smirk play at her lips, before sauntering towards the bar. Nat ordered a martini, letting her eyes flicker around the room, searching for her target. Her eyes landed upon him a moment later. He was already intensely staring at her, lust written on his face. There was something feral in his gaze, like a predator watching his prey. She gave him one of her signature smirks as she grabbed her martini glass and made her way over to him slowly. His eyes never left her.

“Hey,” Natasha spoke, her husky voice pulling him further into her web.

Jane’s POV

No matter how many times she attended events like this, the scale and sheer wealth of it all still shocked Jane. Of course, no one would know that from looking at her.

She had chosen a low-cut emerald colored dress tonight. The color made her tan skin appear radiant. Her dark, smoldering eyeshadow only boosted her mysterious allure. She had spent years perfecting her appearance and mannerisms to deceive people, and this was no exception.

She had entered the party with no issues and stalked along the upper level overlooking the main ballroom. Finding the target in the mass of glittering bodies could be challenging, and it took several minutes before she spotted him ogling a red-headed woman.

Target acquired.

She slowly descended the stairs to the main level and eased her way through the crowd, being careful not to disturb any of the boisterous guests.

When Jane was within fifteen feet of her target, she plucked a champagne glass from a waiter’s tray and rested against a column, watching him.

He was predictable; she would give him that. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of the red-headed woman. Jane would acknowledge the woman was stunning, but that didn’t make her any less disgusted about the situation. The woman was obviously trying to seduce him. For his money or because of his reputation, Jane wasn’t sure.

However, this woman would not succeed. Jane had a mission. She had to be the woman he selected tonight.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #black widow #jane #original character #fanfiction #natasha romanoff x original character #mine

[artemis-entreri]

[[ This post contains Part 3 of my review/analysis of the Forgotten Realms/Drizzt novel, Boundless, by R. A. Salvatore. As such, the entirety of this post’s content is OOC. ]]

Genre: Fantasy

Series: Generations: Book 2 | Legend of Drizzt #35 (#32 if not counting The Sellswords)

Publisher: Harper Collins (September 10, 2019)

My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Additional Information: Artwork for the cover of Boundless and used above is originally done by Aleks Melnik. This post CONTAINS SPOILERS. Furthermore, this discussion concerns topics that I am very passionate about, and as such, at times I do use strong language. Read and expand the cut at your own discretion.

Contents:

Introduction

I. Positives    I.1 Pure Positives    I.2 Muddled Positives

II. Mediocre Writing Style    II.1 Bad Descriptions    II.2 Salvatorisms    II.3 Laborious “Action”

III. Poor Characterization (you are here)    III.1 “Maestro”    III.2 Lieutenant    III.3 Barbarian    III.4 “Hero”    III.5 Mother

IV. World Breaks    IV.1 Blinders Against the Greater World    IV.2 Befuddlement of Earth and Toril    IV.3 Self-Inconsistency    IV.4 Dungeon Amateur    IV.5 Utter Nonsense

V. Ego Stroking    V.1 The Ineffable Companions of the Hall    V.2 Me, Myself, and I

VI. Problematic Themes    VI.1 No Homo    VI.2 Disrespect of Women    VI.3 Social-normalization    VI.4 Eugenics

VII. What’s Next   VII.1 Drizzt Ascends to Godhood   VII.2 Profane Redemption   VII.3 Passing the Torch   VII.4 Don’t Notice Me Senpai

Poor Characterization

Boundless sees an overall regression from Timeless in terms of quality of characterization. It almost feels as though Salvatore is saying, "I don't have room for character development because Boundless is such a non-stop action novel". Most of the page space is taken up by the many unfolding events, with opponents one after another that Zaknafein has to duel in the past and a full on war fought on at least three separate fronts in the present. However, even putting aside the fact that so many of those pages could've been truncated and space dedicated to character progression, instead, what we find in Boundless is shallow, self-inconsistent, lazy, and really, just mediocre. I'm not sure what effect Salvatore was trying to achieve through the cursory and flat overviews he gives to all of the characters in his Dramatis Personae section that precedes the body of the novel. Descriptions like the one for Briza Do'Urden, which reads, "Malice's eldest daughter. Huge and formidable" makes me wonder if Salvatore was going for humor. Yet, there isn't anything funny about the rest of the characterizations, except in an ironic sense in how bad they are, as though they were the words of someone trying to explain the characters to a not very bright child. I suppose it's an appropriate precedent, given how the "fleshed out" characterizations go in the novel.

"Maestro"

As suggested by Boundless' cover art, there's a lot of Jarlaxle in the book. Sadly, this manifests as a sort of butchering of Jarlaxle's capability and characterization in both the past and present timelines of the novel. Overall, Jarlaxle is very flat-footed, constantly doing the proverbial rocking back on his heels and falling on his butt. A character rocking back on their heels is one of Salvatore's favorite descriptors, and while, ironically, that phrase doesn't appear in Boundless, Salvatore does an excellent job of showing that Jarlaxle does it a great deal. This would be great in terms of showing instead of telling, except that, unfortunately, it happens when Jarlaxle's supposed to be doing something clever or there's some great revelation that manages to escape his masterfully strategic mind. I'd often joked that Salvatore isn't smart enough to write a character who's supposed to be as smart as Jarlaxle is, and this is very much evident in Boundless, except there's nothing funny about it. It's really just disappointing to see a character who is actually a nonconformist dragged down and forced to conform to Drizzt. Jarlaxle is also becoming more like Drizzt in the sense that he acts very differently from how he's supposed to be, all while we are being told over and over how he is truly, for real, pinky swear that certain way. In Drizzt's case, it is a judgmental, sanctimonious, pretentious, self-aggrandizing and presumptuous twat hailed to be the shining hero of goodness and virtue. And now, sadly, in Jarlaxle's case, a dopey, shortsighted, reckless, inattentive and not very bright clown wrapped in the cloak of one whose flair is matched only by his genius. 

As he is presented in Boundless, Jarlaxle would've been wholly consumed by the perils of Menzoberranzan almost immediately. The Jarlaxle in the past timeline should be closer to how he was in the Legacy of the Drow trilogy, but he's been tempered to beyond how he is in The Sellswords trilogy. He's even more tame than how he appears in Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, where he features as a genteel, at worst mischievous, sort of villain. Jarlaxle has become closer to Drizzt than even Zaknafein, with Zaknafein being more brutal. The Jarlaxle of the past is nearly identical to the Jarlaxle of the present, as though he were transcribed across the hundreds of years. I don't understand the reason that Salvatore did this. The current version of Jarlaxle is unpalatable enough, with all of the "intrigue" and the being for himself stance as nothing but empty posturing. It makes no sense that Jarlaxle would be that way in the past, for supposedly, experiencing the personality-altering phenomenon that is Drizzt Do'Urden hadn't even happened then. 

That said, let's look at some details. First, Boundless introduces an activity that Jarlaxle and Zaknafein enjoyed together, "cavern jumping", which is what we call free running or parkour in our world. They first partake of this activity in a super inspired and uniquely-named chapter entitled "Running Free". I was sarcastic just now, but I'm absolutely not sarcastic when I say this: parkour is dangerous. Even in our world, experienced traceurs can and do get hurt, and they don't normally run in an environment where many individuals stand to benefit if a fatal accident befalls them. Despite Jarlaxle saying that the risk is what makes the activity fun, this seems like a weak justification injected by a paranoid narrator who's aware that they're recounting a very unlikely event. For, the reality is, it's already dangerous that Jarlaxle and Zaknafein perform risky acrobatic maneuvers in one of the deadliest cities of Faerûn, they're doing it without any of their magical equipment. The very fact that Jarlaxle engages in this activity is reckless, and what makes it even more unlikely is the lack of assurances that are put in place to minimize potential "accidents". Zaknafein and Jarlaxle's cavern-jumping escapades aren't at all like when they pillaged Barrison Del'Armgo's armory. Although both are adrenaline-seeking activities, the latter was a controlled simulation that Jarlaxle had engineered and pulled strings to achieve. Jarlaxle might be a daredevil and an excitement-seeker, but he's not stupid, and he's supposed to be prudent, else everything that he's worked for would be for naught. He takes risks but we've been told that they're calculated ones, ones in which he's already figured out and examined every possible outcome. There's nothing calculated about cavern-jumping, and the only aspect that's even approaching consistent is their route. Even then, "consistent" can hardly be applied, for the two are constantly one-upping each other, pushing one another to quicker paces and more daring maneuvers. There aren't even Bregan D'aerthe scouts watching every turn, keeping an eye out for any parties of ill intention that might target the two high profile male drow. Heck, Jarlaxle isn't even aware of who's watching them, and he should both know and care, especially since Zaknafein is big enough of a target that many individuals wouldn't care about implicating Jarlaxle while attempting to "cavern-jump" Zaknafein. In fact, we even see in the same chapter one such interested party, and given that so much of the book is about people wanting to kill Zaknafein, I feel like the whole free running thing was just an excuse for Salvatore to show off his action scenes, except that there isn't anything to show off there. Simply showing off to this degree puts both of them at a disadvantage given how cutthroat and scheme-based drow society is supposed to be. Shouldn't Jarlaxle be worried about illustrating how flexible and agile he is, and doesn't Zaknafein want opponents to underestimate him?

Far from being circumspect, Jarlaxle doesn't seem to think at all. Even obvious things that would've occurred to a novice strategist escapes the one indirectly dubbed as "maestro". Following the fight between Zaknafein and Duvon Tr'arach, a holder of a century-long grudge against the weapons master who destroyed his house and humiliated him in combat, Jarlaxle is surprised to find that the drow whom he thought were ambushers were actually reinforcements brought by Zaknafein. This is not evocative of a streetwise genius maestro super spy. Of course Zaknafein would bring back-up, he knows the way of his society and knows how many want him dead. It would have been more reasonable for Jarlaxle to be surprised if Zaknafein hadn't brought anyone from his house with him. Salvatore has Jarlaxle thinking Zaknafein clever, but what should've happened is that Jarlaxle should have known about Zaknafein's backup in the first place, and have had agents monitoring them the whole time instead of embarrassing himself with his lack of foresight. Even better would have been if he feigned being surprised and impressed while we see Jarlaxle's agents melt back into the shadows without them alerting Zaknafein's assistants.

Jarlaxle being blindsided by the relationship between Zaknafein and Dab'nay, while more reasonable than the previous example, nonetheless doesn't belong to the same drow  who, during the Crenshinibon era, knew immediately that his two lieutenants were conspiring together against him. It's true that Jarlaxle is younger and less experienced during the flashback scenes of Boundless, but there's already a rapport between him and the members of his band, a trust that would not have built up solely based on individuals sharing the same plight. Jarlaxle's followers are fiercely loyal to him, and not solely because of his charisma. Jarlaxle shows these second-class citizens of his society something they've never known before, that someone is interested in who they are. He wins their favor because all they've known previously is that their worth is measured by their bloodline, their aptitude in combat and their aptitude in the bedroom. Even if Jarlaxle's intellect wasn't enough to allow him to foresee Dab'nay and Zaknafein hooking up as a possibility, his personal knowledge of Dab'nay should've suggested the probability to him. There's another poor characterization in that if Zaknafein's hatred of priestesses was as absolute and blinding as we've been told that it is, the only dagger he'd have plunged into Dab'nay wouldn't have been the one that's permanently attached to him. However, the relationship between Dab'nay and Zaknafein being what it's forced to be, surely, Jarlaxle would've known Zaknafein well enough to at least suspect the possibility. 

Although Jarlaxle is only literally stated to have "for once, seemed at a loss for words", his demonstrated lack of cleverness fails to back this up. Even in the scenario in which that is explicitly written, it's uncharacteristic of Jarlaxle to not know what to say. The passage reads:

So, from this we are to believe that the genius Jarlaxle can't produce an answer to that simple statement, when even I can think of a number of things to say on the fly: that Jarlaxle's not just any drow, that there are varying levels of trust that should be adjusted based on the circumstance, that there's such a thing as "trust but verify", that, fundamentally, the drow word for "trust" isn't as black and white as what Zaknafein is demanding. Jarlaxle's int score is a staggering 20, and he should easily come up with everything I've come up with just now and many many more answers that I can't even begin to think of with my far less staggering intellect. Things like these are just downright embarrassingly inept portrayals of Jarlaxle's alleged brilliance.

In the current timeline, Jarlaxle is even more dull, which I suppose is appropriate given the nerfing of who he was in the past. In addition to being just as flat-footed and shortsighted as his past incarnation in Boundless, Jarlaxle draws some really inaccurate conclusions. For instance, "Jarlaxle knew, of course, that Bruenor was more friend to Drizzt than Zaknafein had ever been, and indeed, more father to Drizzt than Zaknafein had ever been." Really? He knows, of course and indeed, this totally untrue assessment, does he? The first might be true, for Zaknafein wasn't present in Drizzt's life for nearly as much as Bruenor was, and even while he was there, the interactions between him and his son was restricted. But when did Bruenor risk his life on numerous occasions to simply ensure that Drizzt's moral compass and free will were not tainted? When did Bruenor sacrifice himself so that Drizzt might live? Bruenor was never even in a position to entreaty an assailant to take him instead of Drizzt. Perhaps if Salvatore defines father figures as aloof and distant presences in one's life who give tough love but never direct validation, then certainly Bruenor has been more of a father to Drizzt than Zaknafein was. However, the reality is that Bruenor never protected Drizzt the way that Zaknafein did and never guided Drizzt the way Zaknafein did. The only way that it would make sense for that assessment to belong to Jarlaxle is if Jarlaxle's own understanding of parent and child relationships is so incomplete that he doesn't know better, or if he's as stupid as he is shown to be in Boundless. The first possibility is most likely true from a personal angle for Jarlaxle, but Jarlaxle has lived long enough on the surface, mingling with enough surface folk to know, especially with what should be his level of perceptiveness, what it means to be a good father. He would need to have a good understanding of those kinds of dynamics, because they contain weaknesses that can be exploited. So, really, the only thing that would make all of this consistent is the latter possibility, which sadly, is where everything is trending anyway.

I'm not very emotionally invested in Jarlaxle, though I prefer him to most of the rest of the somewhat bland characters we see in Boundless. So when this many things make someone like me unhappy about Jarlaxle's characterization, I'd hate to see what someone who feels towards him like I feel towards Artemis Entreri will take away from Boundless. I'm sure that I'm missing a lot of irksome things, but the ones that I've pointed out are what stood out to me, and I'll end the discussion of Jarlaxle with one final example. In both Timeless and Boundless, Jarlaxle has this strange and decidedly non-Menzoberranzanyr perspective regarding "married couples" of drow. The usage of "husband" and "wife" in these books is extremely weird, because as we know from all D&D and Forgotten Realms source material, including Salvatore's own books, that there is no formality in Lolthite drow relationships. Females take males at their pleasure, abandoning them as whimsically as they pick them up, and being a Patron of a house means nothing. What's even more strange is that Zaknafein isn't even the Patron of House Do'Urden, Rizzen still holds that title while Zaknafein and Malice are sexually active together, yet since Timeless, Zaknafein has been referred to as Malice's husband. Furthermore, while, as far as we know, Jarlaxle has never slept with the partners of people that he likes, it was always more of a strategic decision rather than a moral one. For instance, he found Calihye and Dahlia unstable, thus not cuckolding Entreri and Drizzt, and the closest he'd come to showing interest to a "taken" partner was with Catti-brie, but even then, morals aren't what prevent him from pursuing her. Yet, steeped in the degenerate society of Menzoberranzan, Jarlaxle prefers not to have sexual contact with Malice because Zaknafein is his friend. Where did this belief come from? It certainly doesn't exist in drow culture, males are sex objects for the females, perhaps sometimes rising to the rank of favored toy, nothing more. In a society like that, the toy doesn't have delusions of possession. Jarlaxle is one of the few, if not only, male drow in Menzoberranzan who even has a choice, who can even say no to a female without being killed horribly. I get that Salvatore is trying to show that Jarlaxle is honorable towards his friendship with Zaknafein, but he doesn't have to break the character in addition to his own world-building, as well as that of other creatives', to do so. There are so many ways to do it, but I suppose those are less obvious and require more thinking.

Lieutenant

The poor characterizations extend beyond what's done to Jarlaxle. The number of times that an inconsistency arises between what a character is supposed to be/know and how they perceive things or act is staggering. In the past, there is Arathis Hune, Jarlaxle's first and only lieutenant for a long time, and presumably, one of his most trusted friends. Arathis and Jarlaxle should understand each other quite well, so the fact that Arathis didn't foresee that Jarlaxle would assist Zaknafein during Zaknafein's rigged duel with Duvon Tr'arach is unlikely. Arathis might've had an ace in the form of psionic assistance in swaying the match, but unless he is a total fool, he wouldn't think that Jarlaxle wasn't aware of his dalliances, especially with potential allies as powerful as Oblodrans. Furthermore, Jarlaxle's fondness of Zaknafein is enough of a thorn in Arathis' side that Arathis would've certainly anticipated Jarlaxle intervening on behalf of Zaknafein, even if Arathis didn't specifically guess that Jarlaxle would do so by means of lending Zaknafein his eyepatch. Even if Jarlaxle had never explicitly told Arathis about the functionality of his eyepatch, Arathis, who would've certainly witnessed Jarlaxle constantly escaping the various mind-manipulating magics of the priestesses of Lolth, should've been able to deduce that Jarlaxle has a magical item that protects him against such intrusions. Arathis might not be a master genius like Jarlaxle, but he is a drow, who are supposed to be masters of intrigue in their own right as being able to survive in Menzoberranzan requires such of them. Moreover, he is a capable enough drow that Jarlaxle chose him to be at his side, rather than tending the bar at the Oozing Myconid. Yet, Arathis doesn't foresee any of what he should've known immediately, nor did he have a backup plan, which to a drow is something that one possesses as certainly as keen eyesight.

Barbarian

In the present timeline, Wulfgar suffers from the same treatment given Arathis, which is really saying something since Wulfgar's characterization has been all over the place even before his rebirth. Nonetheless, two things that Wulfgar is supposed to be, are one, a good guy if not a hero, and two, not dumb, if not intelligent. Yet, Wulfgar's portrayal in Boundless shows him as possessing none of these positive traits. For the first trait, it wouldn't be the first time that a member of the Companions of the Hall thought or performed something dishonorable. In Hero, this manifests as Regis and Wulfgar literally kicking people who were already down. In Boundless, Wulfgar is surprisingly nonchalant about the possibility of Kimmuriel committing casual murder, even hoping for it: 

The only thing that Calico Grimm is guilty of, that we're shown anyway, is being boisterous and foolish, which is hardly grounds deserving of death, unless it was early Artemis Entreri doing the adjudication. But this isn't early Artemis Entreri, or even current Artemis Entreri harboring such thoughts, it's Wulfgar, a returned hero. Calico Grimm might be obnoxious, but he's still a comrade in arms whose ship Wulfgar boarded. Even if it were the case that Calico Grimm is actually a pirate, one of the ne'er-do-wells that gives Luskan its shady reputation, it doesn't change the fact that they are on the same side. After all, the Companions of the Hall are supposed to stand for noble self sacrificing values like not randomly murdering people that are even temporarily on the same side as them. 

Not only is Wulfgar's moral compass unaligned with how it's supposed to be, apparently, the damage that he'd done to his brain during his The Spine of the World alcoholism managed to stay with him through the reincarnation. That, or Drizzt and his supposedly tight-knit group of friends aren't as close as they're made out to be. During Wulfgar's duel with the demon-possessed captain of the fleet besieging Luskan, Kimmuriel imbues Wulfgar with a psionic shield that absorbs all damage and releases it all at once at the absorber's will. It's the same mechanic that's been used countless times in the past, including but not limited to saving  newborn Jarlaxle from Matron Baenre's sacrificial dagger, preventing Calihye's blade from piercing an otherwise defenseless Entreri's heart, and, of course, allowing Drizzt to strike down Demogorgon with one hit. That last scenario is pretty monumental, and the kind of thing that Drizzt would've told his friends every detail of, for even if he didn't volunteer, surely they and others would've pried and pried about how he defeated Demogorgon. Yet, Wulfgar has no idea what's happening when his opponent's blows fail to scratch him. It's just mind-boggling that he doesn't make the connection, especially since psionicists are rare enough already in the Realms, even more so in Salvatore's corner of the Realms; Kimmuriel is literally the only psionicist that the Companions of the Hall know. Wulfgar's failure to put one and one together really leads me to wonder if the whole purpose of making him so obtuse is to perform yet more tedious review and Drizzt-flattering.

"Hero"

Most painful to me, of course, is Artemis Entreri, who only appears a bit more in Boundless than he does in Timeless, but what's done to him in Boundless is pretty bad. Entreri's characterization kicks off on the wrong foot from his entry in the Dramatis Personae section, which reads:

For the umpteenth time, Entreri would not have a concept of "friend", especially how it is presented in the Drizzt books. It's an oversimplification and kills the nuance of a character who would still have significant psychological scars and trust issues, even if he were truly and completely over his childhood traumas, which in itself is highly unlikely. I can forgive this bad summary of Entreri, but I can't overlook how, quite frankly, melodramatic, he's presented to be in Boundless. While the assassin seems to talk the talk, calling Regis a fool and ridiculing him for his naiveté, he definitely no longer walks the walk. The aura of intimidation that's so integral to his character no longer feels present. Entreri is quick to reassure Regis about the safety of Donnola, something that even his tempered down self seems unlikely to do. Regis and Entreri have history, and not all or even most of it was pleasant. It's as though Salvatore forgot that Regis found a helpless and broken Entreri dangling precariously from a branch, and rather than finishing him off quickly as would be the honorable thing to do, Regis stole Entreri's most prized possession, then cut him loose so that his final moments would be spent in fear and helplessness. One as fiercely protective of his own free will as is Entreri would not forget that so easily, and even if he doesn't actively hate the Companions of the Hall anymore, just as it makes sense that Regis is uncomfortable about the stub of his pinky that Entreri had inflicted on him in his previous life, Entreri should've let the little rat squirm before perhaps mentioning off the cuff that all the citizens of Bleeding Vines survived.

The worst thing done to Entreri in Boundless, however, is worse than the physical trials and travails that befall him. Given that the situation that ensnares him is that he's trapped in an unbreakable cocoon being stung on every mentionable (and unmentionable) part of his body by vicious demonic wasps, more and more I feel that it'd be best for Entreri if Salvatore just killed him off before ruining him more. While Entreri's plight is pretty dire, still, it doesn't seem like enough for him to launch into Drizzt journal entries' level of melodrama. Entreri has high levels of pain tolerance, as we've seen countless times in the past with him losing none of his agility or fighting prowess even after taking a blade through the ribs. Furthermore, the amount of psychological punishment he's endured far outweighs what he's gone through physically, such that he shouldn't resort to wishing for death right away, or cursing everyone, including himself, so quickly. I can maybe accept that he'd do so after a couple of tendays, but we only see him in the cocoon for a few days during Boundless. Furthermore, the impression given by how the pain is described in Boundless is significantly less than the pain that Herzgo Alegni inflicted upon Entreri by striking a tuning fork against Charon's Claw. It's more likely that someone of Entreri's discipline and willpower would've found some way to put his mind above the constant pain to focus on figuring out how to get out, if not simply detaching himself from the sensation. Instead, right from the get-go, the first soliloquy we see from him in the cocoon is:

In addition to being too weak, Entreri's portrayed as being too dependent. As a person who's lived twice as long as he should have and endured much more than his fair share of torment, one who is used to depending on no one save for himself, how quickly Entreri cries out for Dahlia, how quickly he wishes for death to be spared the pain, just doesn't fit. Instead it simply completes Salvatore's neutering process, now not only is Entreri a good guy, but he is no longer even a disciplined warrior. Salvatore's handling of Artemis Entreri is akin to what I'd said about Salvatore being not intelligent enough to write someone as brilliant as Jarlaxle. It's clear that Salvatore doesn't have enough understanding of trauma and physical pain thresholds to do justice to Entreri. 

Mother

Another poor characterization in Boundless has to do with Dahlia, who seems to have completely forgotten about Effron. Effron doesn't make an appearance, or is even so much as mentioned, despite some portion of the novel dedicated to the Hosttower of the Arcane, where he currently resides. While I can buy that Effron isn't significant enough for Gromph to even think of him when declaring the position the Hosttower will take, he is, or at least should be, important enough to Dahlia for her to at least think of him. The relationship between Dahlia and Effron might have started off at a badly, but throughout the entirety of the Neverwinter Saga, Dahlia is tormented by guilt over her son. Seeing what she believed to be the remains of Effron broke Dahlia's mind and will, causing the normally fiery and irrepressible elf to docilely accept being dragged away for further torture. Seeing that Effron was safe and being reunited him would've granted Dahlia closure, but closure doesn't mean that she wouldn't want to see him and be near him. We've seen that Dahlia tends to be very clingy to those she cares about, so it seems unlikely that she'd accept living in a different city from Effron. Given what Dahlia's like, she should be torn between her love for Entreri and her love for Effron, especially as the two male characters don't much care for each other and most certainly wouldn't want to live together, which Dahlia would likely prefer so that she can be close to both. It should be a cause for tension, not Dahlia simply following Entreri around like a pet, not that Entreri would've allowed that anyway. For all of his dislike of Effron and his brusqueness with the general populace, Entreri has shown himself to be extremely devoted to the women that he's loved. Just as he looked for Calihye after she tried to kill him and accepted her back into his life years later, Entreri would've made certain that Dahlia wouldn't be miserable choosing him over her son. 

#ooc #Boundless #Forgotten Realms #legend of drizzt #Jarlaxle #Jarlaxle Baenre #Drizzt #Drizzt Do'Urden #Artemis Entreri #drow #Zaknafein Do'Urden #Briza Do'Urden #Legacy of the Drow #The Sellswords #Menzoberranzan #Wulfgar son of Beornegar #Arathis Hune #Kimmuriel Oblodra #Regis #The Spine of the World #parkour #Duvon Tr'arach #Dabnay Tr'arach #Bregan D'aerthe #Crenshinibon #Waterdeep: Dragon Heist #Bruenor Battlehammer #Bonnie Charlee #Calico Grimm #Companions of the Hall

[small-leviathan]

The themes of the Splatoon series

(Heads up, this essay analysing Splatoon is literally 2300 words long. You’re gonna be for a while if you decide to stick around.)

In case you've missed it until now, Splatoon has taken the world by storm. Nintendo's cephalopod-based multiplayer shooter series has sold almost 12 million copies across two games in just about three years, and as a result of this still young franchise has cemented itself as one of the legendary Japanese game developer's new hallmark series. Nintendo seems inclined to agree, as Splatoon's central Inkling characters have been featured prominently in the marketing for their latest game in the prestigious crossover series, Super Smash Brothers Ultimate, with the Inkling girl even earning a prominent spot on the game's cover art alongside titans like Mario, Donkey Kong and Link.

So perhaps some of you would scoff at the idea that Splatoon has a deeper message behind it than it first appears. Nintendo isn't really known for baking thought-provoking stuff into their games, and this seems like it'd be doubly true for a game that is first-and-foremost a competitive multiplayer shooter. I don't know if I'll be able to convince you otherwise, honestly, but I do sincerely believe that Splatoon has something to say and in this essay, I will explain why I believe that to be the case, and just what that thing is.

Let's start by describing the most important elements of Splatoon's narrative, and just as a heads up, I think it goes without saying that I will be spoiling pretty much every major reveal across all of Splatoon 1, Splatoon 2, and its DLC, Octo Expansion. Splatoon is set twelve thousand years after global warming and environmental pollution has wiped out mankind as well as most mammals. Having taken our place is a large assortment of evolved sea critters, including crabs, jellyfish and most prominently, cephalopods. Squids and octopi alike have evolved the ability to shift into humanoid forms, becoming known as inklings and octarians, respectively. Unfortunately, our squishy successors didn't get along very well, as rising sea levels forced them into a violent conflict known as the Great Turf Wars. This conflict was eventually won by the Inklings, letting them claim the surface while the octarians were forced into hiding in great underground cities.

Splatoon proper takes place a hundred years later, and the Octarians have been reduced to just a distant memory in the mind of Inkling society. Trouble is brewing under the surface, however, as the leader of the Octarians, DJ Octavio, is planning an attack on the hub city of Inklingkind, Inkopolis. The player takes control of a customizable inkling who is recruited by the military veteran Cap'n Cuttlefish to help take down the Octarian menace before they can start their campaign. Along the way the player, now dubbed as "Agent 3", is helped not only by Cap'n Cuttlefish, but by his granddaughters Agent 1 and Agent 2, who are eventually revealed to be the two members of the pop idol duo The Squid Sisters, Callie and Marie (to no one's surprise, the game does not try very hard to conceal their identities). Long story short, Agent 3 defeats the Octarians, ending in a grand battle against DJ Octavio. The Octarian threat is defeated and DJ Octavio is captured, with inkling society none the wiser.

Splatoon 2 unfolds two years after the events of the first game, and a lot has changed. Callie and Marie have drifted apart, following a popularity contest ending in Marie's favour, and taking their place as the number one musical act is a new duo known as Off the Hook, consisting of the rapper Pearl and the DJ Marina (who looks suspiciously like an Octarian, but more on that later). Marie discovers that DJ Octavio has escaped his containment, and now alone due to Cap'n Cuttlefish and Agent 3 having gone on a new mission and Callie suddenly disappearing in the midst of a trip, she is forced to follow her grandfather's footsteps and recruit a new Agent, this one being our new playable character, Agent 4. Not much is different from that point onward, except for the eventual reveal that DJ Octavio is responsible for Callie's disappearance, having kidnapped her after he escaped and is now brainwashing her with a pair of hypnotic sunglasses. Nonetheless, Callie is saved and DJ Octavio is defeated once again.

You might be wondering why I bothered to explain all of the plot of Splatoon's singleplayer content, and the reason for that is that I believe that understanding all of this is necessary to explain the first and most important of Splatoon's themes: The positive power of pop culture and self-expression.

Splatoon heavily encourages that the player uses its system to express themselves. Aside from having character creation, there is an emphasis on fashion, both in the culture of the inklings themselves and in the gameplay proper, with the player having access to a wide variety of clothes, headwear and shoes with which to accessorize their characters. It might be easy, perhaps even tempting, to read this in a cynical manner and characterize inklings as a bunch of shallow trend-chasers, slaves to consumerist fads built to wring as much cash out of them as possible. And this interpretation is, in all honesty, valid, but it's certainly not a philosophical standpoint that Splatoon itself agrees with. The game encourages mixing and experimenting with its fashions, but all of that fashion is bought with a currency that you earn by playing the multiplayer game, which in-universe is explained to be a kind of competitive shooting sport, not unlike paintball, that seems to be the hyperfixation of every single inkling teen like the player character. It's a bit hard to read the game's take on fashion as cynical when you literally earn money by doing something you were not only going to do anyway but were also actively seeking out and enjoying. The multiplayer mode itself is also encouraging self-expression, in a way, due to there being a wide variety of weapons available, all of which feel distinct and unique, allowing the player find the ones they like the most and use only those. This isn't "do tireless work to keep spending money", it's "do the things you like to get the things you like." And I feel like that is a very clear subversion of consumerist culture, unless you feel like pointing out that Splatoon itself is something you have to spend money on to play and therefore it is inherently a part of consumerist culture, in which case, alright then, Holden Caulfield, don't you have anything better to do?

Moving on, there is also a massive focus on music in the setting, with a lot of different fictional bands, all of which sound completely unlike each other. Crucially, the "pop music" in Splatoon is not as heavily standardized as our own pop music is, in Inkopolis everything from the Bottom Feeders' Celtic rock to Chirpy Chips' chiptune to Diss-Pair's... whatever they are, can find mainstream success and popularity. Perhaps the most telling sign that Splatoon thinks music is important is that all of the most important characters are artists, from Callie and Marie to Pearl and Marina and even the antagonist himself, DJ Octavio.

That said, there is a very important distinction to be made here. In an interview with Famitsu from 2015, series art director Seita Inoue stated that the music that plays during the singleplayer levels is composed by DJ Octavio and his subordinates, and that "it’s like the Octo side broadcasts their music in order to control the many Octarians.” When this is combined with the fact that DJ Octavio uses a pair of sunglasses to brainwash Callie, I think it's clear that the true face of his villainy is shown. DJ Octavio isn't just the antagonist because he's the final boss, but because he takes music and fashion, which the game has established as ways in which to express personal freedom, and repurposes them as tools of control and oppression. DJ Octavio is literally the antithesis of Inkling society and Inkling values.

There is one final point I want to make, but it requires delving into Octo Expansion a bit to explore, so we'll start that now. Octo Expansion is the paid singleplayer DLC for Splatoon 2, adding a pretty sizable new story campaign. In this new story, the player takes the role of an Octoling (the Octarian equivalent of an Inkling, though I will be using two terms rather interchangeably in the rest of the essay) who wakes up in an underground subway with no memories. Here, they meet Cap'n Cuttlefish, who explains that they had been in a fight with him and Agent 3 before all three of them got swept away to the locale they are now in. As Agent 3 has gone missing, Cap'n Cuttlefish teams up with our amnesiac player character to find a way out of the subway, giving them the nickname Agent 8 in the process. Along the way, the two of them end up coming into contact with Pearl and Marina, the previously mentioned music duo, who resolve to help Agent 8 and Cap'n Cuttlefish escape. A lot of things happen between the start and beginning of the story, but I want to focus on the most important revelation: Marina is revealed to have been a high-ranking member of the Octarian military who deserted after the final battle between Agent 3 and DJ Octavio in Splatoon 1, and was inspired to become an artist after hearing the Squid Sisters perform their iconic hit song Calamari Inkantation, the very same song that was stated to have inspired Agent 8's desertion as well. Calamari Inkantation was always played up as being a very special song, as said by Marina herself: "Once our souls have been freed, there's no way we can continue to live under the oppression of Octarian society."

So at this point, it's not even subtextual but literally textual, Splatoon sincerely believes that music has liberating properties, able to make people realize that they're being held back by societal structures and also gain the willpower to break free of those shackles. The lines are very clearly drawn here: In Inkopolis music and fashion are ways in which people express themselves and therefore it is an idyllic and diverse place, but Octarian society is an oppressive dystopia where these things are used to control the populace. To really hammer the point home, in the final battle of Octo Expansion, in which the very fate of the world hangs in the balance, the day is saved by Pearl and Marina (and Agent 8) working together and combining their talents and technology to destroy the giant superweapon threatening their home. The world is literally saved by a pair of musicians. It doesn't get more explicit than that.

There are two more themes I think Splatoon play with, but to a much lesser extent than the one previously mentioned. The first of these is the importance of moving on and not being stuck in the past. This is an explicit character trait in both of the central antagonists. DJ Octavio, who was the leader of the Octarians in the Great Turf Wars a hundred years ago, has been holding a grudge against the inklings for all this time when he could have been focusing on trying to improve his people’s living conditions, or even broker peace with the Inklings, who clearly don't have an issue with a bunch of Octolings running around following the events of Octo Expansion. The second case study is the antagonist from Octo Expansion, Commander Tartar. An ancient AI built by a human scientist before their extinction to pass on their knowledge to whatever species inherited the world to come, Commander Tartar fails this mission because it holds humans on such a high pedestal that it sees the flaws of the Inklings and Octarians as proof they aren't worthy to pass the torch to, and resolves to wipe them both out and create its own "perfect species" instead. Additionally, I think it's worth mentioning that the weapon it plans do this is with is a repurposed statue resembling a Greek marble bust, a relic of the past that becomes a literal metaphor for how Commander Tartar's mindset is destructive.

The second of these themes is the recurring motif that despite all of their differences and their conflicts Inklings and Octarians become complete when working together. The first sign of this is their opposite traits as species, Inklings are energetic, flighty and have a short attention span while Octarians are more serious, work-focused and obedient. It's pretty clear that both could stand to learn from each other's positive traits, and a bit of dialogue from Marina in Octo Expansion implies that she hopes as much. Off the Hook themselves are also an example of this theme in action, Pearl had trouble finding herself as an artist and was not doing very well before meeting Marina, and it's through Pearl that Marina gains the chance to follow her dream, and their cooperation makes them so successful that they become Inkopolis' number one artists. This theme is also a part of the final battle of Octo Expansion, as mentioned earlier, as it is the cooperation of Inklings and Octarians that saves the day.

If there's anything to take away from this overly wordy essay, it's this: Splatoon wants you to know that there is no shame in enjoying "shallow" pop culture, that there is meaning even in things not deemed "high culture". Splatoon wants you to know that the value of something lies not in the value of its production, but in what it expresses and the joy it brings to the people observing it, and the people making it.

Because to Splatoon, these simple things have the power to unite, to free us, and ultimately to save the world.

And personally? I think that's a pretty worthwhile message.

#splatoon #splatoon 2