#i feel tired and alone most of the time

[andrwgarfields]

a lot of fans are talking abt how they’re jealous of yuzuru’s spouse and how lucky she is but if anything i feel jealous of yuzuru more for having found love and someone who understands him and is obviously patient with him and hes definitely the lucky one

#i relate to him a lot partly cause we’re fixated on work and accomplishing things #and he mentioned abt feeling empty in the interview after the tokyo dome performance #which i relate to a lot and why im having lots of existential crisis over #i feel like im stuck #i feel like theres nowhere to go #i dont feel loved or cherised #i feel like i always need to earn ppls approval and loving me comes with conditions #cause im not good enough #which is why im lowkey jealous he found someone who obviously loves him #i feel tired and alone most of the time #i like beinf alone and cherish being alone #but sometimes its just #and idk if its like a getting older thing where your heart starts to feel empty #and hardly anything strikes your fancy anymore #i know i need to make a big jump if i want to exit this headache but its so scary #yuzuru hanyu ice story 2023 #yuzuru hanyu

[ruporas]

can’t talk about it

[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic starts with the sounds "thud, thud, click". Vash, mid-action of peeling an apple, turns to the sound, noticing who it was that entered, and says, "Oh, Wolfwood, you're back." He resumes back to his apple in the next panel as he speaks, "Where'd you go? You snuck out of bed quickly this morning..." Wolfwood's hand then enters the panel, hovering over Vash's cheek and Vash looks up as Wolfwood asks, "Can I?" Vash responds, "Not going to talk about it?" while using a hand to gently hold Wolfwood's hovering hand and presses a kiss to his inner palm.

Vash then gets up fully, setting down the knife down on the table and the apple onto a plate, He leans into Wolfwood as Wolfwood explains, "Had to meet someone. Nothing interesting to talk about." Vash kisses Wolfwood's left cheek and a hand moves to cup his other cheek while muttering, "You're being vague." Wolfwood says neutrally, "If yer really that curious, keep askin'. We  can talk about that instead of doing this." Vash leans back and responds, "Let's talk after, since... You look so tired."

The panel pans to a close up of Wolfwood's downcast eyes, bags heavy underneath his eyes. He doesn't allow Vash to sit in that moment for long though, then saying, "Yer not helping, Spikey. Being all slow with it... I could fall asleep right now." He moves his hand to start unclasping Vash's coat, starting from his collar. Vash with red cheeks, responds briskly, "Oh, shut up. I'm worried about you. I can't be worried?"

The final shot shows Wolfwood's back to the viewer while Vash's softened expression can be seen as he holds gently onto the side of Wolfwood's face and a hand firm on his waist. Wolfwood responds, "I'm fine, seriously," pausing for a moment before continuing, "Is it okay to still..?" Vash responds, "Yeah, it's okay."

The next image is a shot from later that night after the previous comic. Vash and Wolfwood are now in bed, half naked. Wolfwood's buries his face into Vash's chest, his arms wrapped around him, while Vash is petting at his hair. Vash reminds him, "Hey. You said we'd talk about it." Wolfwood pauses for a moment before piping up, "In the morning? I'm sleepy." Vash says, "Okay..."

The next two pages start from the morning after. Wolfwood is already fully awake, pulling on his outer jacket as he says to Vash, whos' still bundled in his blankets, "Breakfast is on the table. Make sure to eat it. I'm going to grab some things in town and then we're leavin'. Got it?" Vash says, "Mh." Wolfwood responds, "Good. See ya in a bit." The dialogue starts to shift into Vash's inner thoughts now, as he gets up and eats toast, thinking, "Wait. Weren't we supposed to... talk about it?" The next shot then shows him fully up, meeting Wolfwood in town. He carries a half worried expression with him while Wolfwood slides on his glasses for him. A quick panel shows Wolfwood's tired expression from the night before and quickly juxtaposes with Wolfwood in front of him who's smiling gently, the shades covering his eye bags. Wolfwood asks him, "Still not awake yet?" Vash pauses, his thoughts stirring, thinking, "Oh. I guess I was getting ahead of myself... thinking you owe me that kind of honesty." He smiles at Wolfwood and responds, "I'm awake!" His thoughts continue, "Maybe one day, you'd trust me enough to share your burdens."

The final image shows Wolfwood pulling at Vash's cheek and Vash complains, "Owwwww why..." Wolfwood quickly says, "You were thinking something stupid, right? It's all over yer face." Vash mutters, "Nooo, I wasn't..." END ID]

#vashwood #trigun #trigun maximum #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #Theyre both thoroughly exhausted tired individuals -- vash having to fight this lonely battle for over a hundred years and getting dragged #back into inevitable situation with knives after a 2 years hiatus of being a gunslinger. they both need so much Rest and comfort in this #department... .SIGHS. BUT I JUST THINK ABOUT WOLFWOOD . AND HOW... LITTLE He has existed on no man's land. how majority of his years being #alive is being used as a weapon and to kill when him at his very core is the most giving and selfless individual ever #badlands rumble inspired me a bit but i do think wolfwood gets dragged into occasional tasks from the eye of michael while on his duty of #guiding vash -- or i think that one chapter where we got to see other members of eom -- there's like a clear division within the eom too #i think.... so i figured similarly to vash but not to the same amount -- there are people that look for wolfwood too. but most of the time #it's probably wolfwood that has to look for someone else and take them out. i feel like it happens ever so occasionally. #evidentially these two don't talk enough canonically but they always know how to express things properly to affirm that they're okay #they have the worst time ever sharing burdens - can't willingly burden the other and has neeever asked for help or reprieve in their #desperate situations... vw is a huge case of right person wrong time syndrome so they just. in the time they get to spend together -- even #if romantically - they don't have enough time to heal to get over that kind of hurdle. They've just never asked for help in all the years #they've been alive -- they don't even know how to and its just aughhhsgskg #and well! they don't even need to ask! because they'll be there for each other anyway at the end of the day -- company and presence alone. #ruporas art

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

here have a Lights Out meme(?) before i go to bed <3 Wally is showing off a neat party trick to his newfriend <3

og:

#this has been in my mind for several days and im finally tired enough to execute it #this is... technically noncanon to the au i suppose... #wally Wouldn't touch fire again he learned his lesson #but also. at this point in the 'story' (said nebulously) Does He Really Care #wally: hey frank check this shit out *lights himself on fire* #frank - softly but with feeling: what the fuck... #home: *tired creak* #wallys had his Nothing In Life Matters (depressed) phase #now its time for Nothing In Life Matters (manic) phase #wh lights out au #scribble salad #theyre having so much fun i prommy (lying) #i really need to portray more of the au than just the Frank And Wally Alone In The Studio portion #even if it is the most fun. To Me. #they're entertaining... i feel like im playing with dolls...

[americankimchi]

god i wish they hadn't retconned maul's death. i get wanting to explore more of his character because he was, objectively, one of the coolest star wars characters to ever hit the big screen and didn't get much screentime prior to his death, but also his role was fulfilled perfectly within those constraints so i wasn't too upset by it.

but by retconning it and making it so he never died it's like. okay. what now? the whole point (well, to me, ymmv of course) of the theed generator fight was that it was the first ever fight between the jedi and the sith in thousands of years, and that in the end even though the jedi (obi-wan) won the fight, a jedi (qui-gon) and a sith (maul) still died. a master and an apprentice dying together to herald the start of a new age/the return of the sith. perfectly paralleling the way in rotj a master (palps) and an apprentice (anakin/vader) died together to herald the return of the jedi. in both instances, a father figure (qui-gon/vader) dies in the arms of their son (obi-wan/luke) as a sith (palps/maul) is cast down into the abyss to their deaths. (palps being alive in the ST and retconning his death in rotj is also annoying for this reason)

i mean i like maul. don't get me wrong. he's an incredibly compelling character and i enjoy seeing more of him... but there's always the thought hovering in my mind like "he should be dead though. he should 100% be dead. this wouldn't be happening if he was dead, but i honestly would rather it not if it meant that maul was dead."

like the tpm fight just doesn't hit the same knowing that canonically he's just. going to become a robot octopus at some point. (shoutout to palps becoming sith glados in the ST) it cheapens the moment for me. it was supposed to be a moment of triumph marred by the deep and soul-crushing loss of a loved one and it's just... not, anymore. or at least not to the same extent. AUGH i'm just. frustrated. wish star wars as a whole wasn't constantly reframing/retconning what's been established. just puts a bad taste in my mouth.

#personal #star wars is HUGE #there's a GALAXY'S worth of stories to be told #and we're always for whatever reason focusing on this ONE PARTICULAR TIME PERIOD #it's suffocating #this is partly why i'm so excited to see the acolyte #it's a break from the skywalker saga #i love the skywalkers. i love the skywalker saga. #but that's also why i want them to STOP ADDING TO THEIR STORY #sometimes a story has a beginning middle and an end and that's okay! #that's fantastic! #we don't need to see between the lines! or behind the scenes! what if we just LEFT IT ALONE #AUGH #anyways. i don't know. i'm just frustrated with the state of star wars as a whole #it feels so claustrophobic right now. just because the space is there and undefined doesn't mean it needs to be filled #this constant push to canonize the years leading up to an event with content is so frustrating #negative space in an image isn't a bad thing it just helps guide the eye to what's most important #otherwise it gets too cluttered. too noisy. too DISTRACTING. #this was supposed to be about maul being alive but it's really about my ongoing grievances with how star wars is cannibalizing the movies #i'm tired of it........ tired i tell you #anyways that's all. real old man yells at cloud moment rn lmao

[unknowinglydeceasedlol]

it’s always “how do you think they’ll feel when something happens to you?” but never “how do you feel about having to be pushed to this point?”

#lol like i don’t wanna feel like this constantly but I’m just so tired and frustrated constantly #i hate feeling like nothing i do will ever be worth it #I hate feeling so alone constantly and actually being alone most of the time #i hate trying to put myself out there but always falling flat bc i struggle in social situations #I hate always having to put everyone’s feelings and emotions first when no one’s ever put mine first #i wish i had my person but i always fuck it up and lose them #actually bpd #bpd safe #cluster b safe #cluster b #bpd vent #vent #vent post #mentally fucked #mentally exhausted #actually mentally ill #mentally unstable #bpd feels #tw sui ideation #actually borderline #bpd blog #borderline personality disorder #bpd #bpd life #bpd problems #bpd tag #borderline pd #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #bpd stuff

[mountain-lion-gremlin]

you can still be physically nonhuman if you were awakened to your identity through the internet (like me!)

You can still be physically nonhuman if it takes you a long time to shift

You can still be physically nonhuman if you always knew since you were young

You can still be physically nonhuman if you don't know why you shift or how it works

You can still be physically nonhuman if you believe that there is no way to logically explain your shifts

You can still be physically nonhuman if you believe you cannot change your form from human

You can still be physically nonhuman if you are growing limbs of your creature

You can still be physically nonhuman if you want to look like a hybrid between nonhuman and human

You can still be physically nonhuman if you figure out you are clinical/delusional. (I don't know too much about being clinical so sorry!)

You can still be physically nonhuman if you believe in p-shifting

You can STILL be physically nonhuman if you have multiple different creatures/species

You can still be physically nonhuman if you are a therian, or otherkin

Do what you want forever people!! They are just labels!! There is no set guidelines to be physically nonhuman, do what feels right to you and embrace it!

#physically nonhuman #nonhuman #p-shift #obviously I'm not saying be an asshole online about it #this is a positivity post #because I know being physically nonhuman can feel like everyone wants to invalidate you and your experiences #especially if you came from the shapeshifting community into a larger place on the internet where nobody believes it at all #I've also been mourning slightly how the shapeshifting community is dying off #I feel like less and less people understand what I mean and I feel alone lol #and if they do #most of the time they are complete assholes and give zero fucks about your opinion #I'm so tired lol #of the hatred and trying to make guidelines on how to be physically nonhuman #just saw someone recently who accepts p-shifters #BUT they have to be this and that and whatever #ugh #mountain lion.txt #nonhuman community #non human #like it's not that hard to go “okay you believe that and went through that” #“that's pretty cool tell me more” #maybe I'm being a hypocrite idk #I know the shapeshifting community has such a horrible reputation #wish it didn't though #but I understand why #I've seen enough to know the manipulation and abuse people went through because of p-shifting #okay enough rambling in the tags

[strangerhands]

mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.

#it was so good tho #like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked #the fight scenes🤌 #the environments/settings🤌 #all of the fuckin machinery🤌 #the acting🤌 #the everything🤌 #yum #also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hot😭 yes i have issues. but like. okayyy.. #i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it #sorta vent-> #but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part #because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without me😝😝 #just tee bee ehch #and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit #so i just went to sleep #and i was busy today #yesterday* #and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit #idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is #i felt a bit better yesterday though #and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea #hopefully that helps soonish idk #i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here #also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged #so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there #why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg #anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow #idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea #talkin shit

[castdowns]

the only half way safe space to be a lesbian is online and literally y’all fucking suck too, i am so depressed

#castdowns.txt #i hate conversion therapy i don’t want to be straight i don’t want to like men i don’t like them i don’t care for them #i am so tired of feeling like the most hideous creature because everything changes when people find out that i’m gay #like i’m either a little boy or a problem and i am so fucking sad #like sorry you can’t fix me but literally i will not be able to function if i concede more ground to men and patriarchy like i am so tired #i wanna lock myself in my room a lot of the time like i don’t feel good ever #and yes my period is coming but god dammit thats not the only thing wrong #its never the only thing wrong unfortunately i just have very strong emotions that i try to suppress all of the time #yes my fawn response is bad i know this i dont know what to do about the fact that there is nothing people organically like about me #everyone has to train themselves to tolerate me and i am not above working to be loved but it doesnt feel like work towards the love i want #it feels like tying a noose tighter and tighter #it feels like smiling while my blood is pooling down the fucking drain again and again #and i love people around me i do it just always feels like i am alone #i sleep under the flag and i sleep in my bed alone every night surrounded by the stuffed animals i buy to feel something #*jo march voice* i’m just so damn lonely

[geckothegecko]

Can someone stab me with a knife? Pretty please?

#Ugh I don’t like posting stuff like this on this blog but I have no one to talk to so why not the void #Relating hard to that one vampire weekend lyric #“I don’t want to live like this #But I don’t want to die” #Found out one of my friends actually doesn’t like me #And I feel the depression coming back #And I’m having trouble talking to people again #and i feel like shit #and I’m burnt out #And have art block #And am failing most of my classes #Even though I know I could easily ace them if I tried #But I can’t #for who knows what reason #And I feel so alone #and all in all I’m just tired #I don’t even have time to do things that interest me #It’s a ruthless cycle of how much stress can the universe unload on me #Vent #tw vent

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D

me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening

#its like im fine literally all day qnd then i start to get ready for bed and the Dread sets in #like its an actual physical feeling in my stomach and i just suddenly out of nowhere have to hold myself back from crying #i literally go from perfectly happy to on the verge of tears in an INSTANT and idk whats causing uty #it #like i know broadly ehat the causes are but idk whats causing the specific switch at night #am i tired?? is it just bc im tired??? bc its not consistently at the same time and most of the time i dont *feel* tired #or is it just like. i knoe im going to bed so i know im gonna be alone with my thoughts and so they all come and hit me at once??? #idk idk idk i just know i hate it and i want it to stop i want everything to fucking stop #id say i need a minute to breathe but really ive been using the past four months as my minute to breathe & thats part of the fucking problem #because ive been putting this all off for so long bc its so overwhelming but now theres so much igotta do and theres real tangible deadlines #so i cant keep putting it off but i DO and its just making it all even more overwhelming and my parents arent fucking helping #but its not even their fault because im chosing not to talk to them about this bc talking to them about it makes it all real #and i dont want it to be real yet im not fucking ready for it to be real yet i just need a goddamn minute TO FUCKING BREATHE #i wish i could freeze time and just give myself a day where none of this matters #actually a days not long enough i think i need like. two weeks. two weeks for me to get my shit together where none of this bullshit exists #and i can just do whatever i want and not have to think about deadlines and decisions and the fact that this is all ive wanted since the #7th fucking grade and now that its actually here i cant fucking stomach the thought of it being real because im a goddamn coward who cant #fucking commit to anything or get themself to DO anything and i know its not really my fault bc i probably have adhd and i get #knocked off my ass with a migraine every ither fucking day but i still feel like i should be more prepared for this than i am #and im not prepared and im not ready and i cant get myself ready because i cant do things like this myself because i dont really want to be #doing them at all #like sure! the bitch can write a 400+ page fanfiction no fucking problem!! they can find time for that but a college essay?? even finding #schools to apply too???? dont be fucking ridiculous they cant even get half an app done in the time it takes them to write a two 6k chapters #delete later

[butchtoro]

they should make a me that can get socialization outside the internet

#I only talk to people online . btw #like any time someone messages me i get overly excited and attached because i dont talk to anyone in my day to day life #i text my partner but when theyre asleep or at work im sitting in silence #my online friend and i talk the most n thats once every few weeks #n then i do get to talk to someone more and i freak out #i ghost them bc im scared im being too much or i stay and am too much #i cant tell if people want to be my friend or are just being nice to me and they dont tell me and then it's somehow my fault #i dont know. i dont know man im going to attempt soon i can feel it and it always happens in the summer so im scared and angry and feel so #stuck #im tired of sitting in a dark room alone begging for someone to talk to me and then fucking it up when someone does talk to me #i wish i wasn't autistic

[lqnar]

All i want to do is eat and kill myself lmfao

#:) #im not suicidal just fkn sad and tired and sick of bulimic hell #well i am al ittle bit suicidal but not going to do anything about it. #and im so pissed off that i have no good blades at all bc im a baby nowadays and need sharp blades to do anything #and it’s such a hassle to get new ones every time????? #idk how i did it when i was in muddle school and high school tbh i used the same ones for a while i think #but i was also just a lot more hardcore w my sh back then and besides #most of the time it wasnt that deep. #idk i want to hurt myself #and my face feels awful because i have bped like?????? thrice?? this evening alone #and i’m so sick of myself #my face is swollen and my jaw hurts and my lymph nodes are fkn giganic #im sick of this i just want to rot and shrink until theres nothing left

[jackies-ear]

Hozier concert tonight (whyyyyy a week nite) and I’m already like this close to calling out ‘sick’ tomorrow 🤏

#I’m so tired #and I’m gonna be back at like midnight or some shit #and up again at 6???? #like dgmw im so fucking excited #but I’m also so fucking tired #it’s fucking testing time and I’m alone ALL DAY w most of the kiddos and like ugh #they’re good it’s fine like no one’s really acting out or anything #it’s just fucking exhausting #and it’s only 11! I can’t imagine doing that w like 20+ every day #like super kudos to public teachers shit #6 am text ‘sry I feel like shit’ #hey coworker called out sick today bc her car broke down and she was car shopping lmao

[trashpawz]

Tumblr is basically my vent now

#ive been feeling like shit for months now maybe a year #i dont know what i should do about shit #last time we fought he said he was lonely when we met and hes not lonely now and thats why hes not as affectionate as before #and that i need to get used to that #but im still lonely i still want our old relationship back #going to sleep alone is almost impossible for me im missing work because of it #he doesnt tell me stuff he does #he gives me the smallest kiss when i get back from work and then he just wants to be on his phone #if i mess with him he laughs and makes me stop #if i try to talk to him he doesnt listen half the time #everyone tells me he loves me but i dont see it #he says he does and i think he cares for me but i dont know how much he loves me and it sucks #i feel like an afterthought or a prop most of the time #and i try to think maybe hes tired but im always tired after my 12 hour shifts #and he wants me to do all this stuff with his family all the time and I try #he doesnt say goodnight or sweet dreams or ask about my day #hell only tell me when i ask and he gives me the shortest version #idk i could go on but this sucks

[dreamcast-official]

huh.

#eli.txt #idk i think ive been slowly forgiving my sister for how deeply hurt i felt when she moved out bc now I Get It. like I Get It #when she moved out i was. 9. and in my head i thought she had left because of me. because i wasnt the easiest kid in the world and i know- #-she had a hard time dealing with me when we were alone. we're so far apart in age we couldnt connect for most of my life. and in my head #that was the reason she left home. bc of me. bc she was tired of *me.* #i know now thats not true. and i understand now why she had to leave because if she felt the way im feeling then goddamn im glad she got ou #this feeling SUCKS. nd like #yeah this probably has to do with my father's daughter and the fact that she refused to even meet me until our dad died. #it took my dad dying for my sister to even be in the same room as me. that really messed with me as a kid. like it REALLY did. #so when my sister left home i just kinda went. oh okay neither of my sisters want anything to do with me! i will be alone forever! got it! #AND I KNOW NOW THATS NOT TRUE ON EITHER OF THEIR ENDS. I DONT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP W MY DADS DAUGHTER AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL #BUT I DONT HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST HER ANYMORE BC GOD HER MOTHER WAS AWFUL AND I GET WHY SHE DIDNT WANT TO MEET ME BC OF EVERYTHING #BUT LIKE. THAT MESSED ME UP AND I JUST STRAIGHT UP ASSUMED BOTH MY SISTERS HATED ME FOR SO LONG. #AND NOW THAT I ALSO FEEL LIKE I NEED TO LEAVE I CAN SEE SO CLEARLY. MY SISTER NEVER HATED ME I WAS NEVER THE REASON SHE LEFT. #I CAN LET GO OF HOW HURT I FELT BECAUSE I ALSO NEED TO LEAVE #god i dont wanna hurt my mom though. #dont think i could leave her completely alone in this apartment. i dont think i can do that. #anyway. hi tumblr did you like todays oversharing episode

[the-yearning-astronaut]

Oh hello 3am existential crisis. Haven't seen you around in a while...can't say I missed you.

#i don't understand how i can feel so alone and so isolated while also having a number of good friends #all of whom im a little in love with in different ways #how can you love so many people so much and still feel lonely? #is it because of all my friends only one is in brickspace and i rarely even get to see her? #i know my lack of physical contact is rather alarming (i get one or two hugs a month if I'm lucky.) #(and even casual non accidental touches are rare. i get maybe one of those a week.) #is that why i feel so alone and isolated? the lack of physical connection? #i wish i had a friend i could move in with. i wish loving people didn't hurt so much. #i wish i could believe the sentiment that all relationships are important and that platonic love isn't lesser than romantic just different #but ive yet to actually see that be true. i feel like ill never be someone's most important person. or even 6th most important. #im just so fucking tired #of everything. #is it me? am i off putting? do i do things unintentionally that keep people at a distance? what am i doing wrong? why can't I connect? #i KNOW im not broken for being autistic or ace or aro etc etc but fuck if I don't feel broken most of the time #fucking hell #definitely time for bed #i bet these feelings are being exacerbated by pmdd just like my fibro and my stomach and my sleep #doesn't make the feelings any less upsetting #fox thoughts #☉