#i feel mean but i'm not going to be dishonest

[justanotherwriter140]

Kung Fu Panda 4 - The Movie

The last really, really long discussion post (for now).

Major spoilers ahead!

This review is full of spoilers, so please refrain from reading through it until you've watched KFP4. I would highly suggest doing so, as I want everyone to form their own opinions without my influence. The movie has its flaws (some of which admittedly being a bit distracting), but it's a fun film that has things to offer.

Kung Fu Panda 4 is a fun movie (take that as you will) that takes its audience on an action-packed, surprisingly funny, yet relatively contained adventure on which Po doesn't really do much. It's an inconsequential, safe sequel that doesn't really hurt the franchise but adds close to nothing.

I had a good time watching the movie. It was obviously produced with its theater experience in mind and the action scenes especially reflected that priority. The humor was actually funny sometimes and I enjoyed Po and Zhen's dynamic. During the film, I was able to put most (most!) of my grievances aside and take the movie for what it is. I've discovered that the best way to watch KFP4 is with low expectations and an open mind.

I have a lot of things to say about KFP4, both complaints and compliments (though the former might be taking the forefront in this review), and I hope this review can help those of you who have seen the movie organize your thoughts. I've been having a lot of trouble with that specific aspect of things myself. Those who get it get it.

With that said, let's get into my full review of KFP4! I've been waiting for nearly 2 years to write this and I'm so excited to share every single thought.

I'm going to follow the format of my first discussion post and curate a bulleted list of my thoughts, followed by an analysis of each of these points. Keep in mind that everything I say is IMO and this is more of a rant post than anything else.

Here are my main points:

The Furious Five's role is comically minuscule in the context of the film. Their actions are inconsequential and add nothing to the plot (a confirmed last-minute add), and they have 30~ seconds of screen time. Shifu is also largely irrelevant.

Mr. Ping and Li's presence has little to no effect on the movie (though I won't complain too much because they were pretty fun to watch and this movie has bigger problems). In almost any scenario, I am adamantly against having characters present that don't add anything to the narrative; however, Mr. Ping is an exception. I love Mr. Ping. James Hong is a gem.

Zhen's screen time is not utilized well and her character is underdeveloped. She definitely wasn't annoying, but I didn't find her either compelling or funny enough to warrant the screen time she was given, especially considering it wasn't used to establish a backstory/strong motives. This makes me feel bad for the character because the movie kind of screwed her out of any substantial development.

The Chameleon, while complimented greatly by Viola Davis, is an underwhelming villain. Viola Davis is amazing in this film and I would suggest watching it for her performance if for nothing else, but the Chameleon is underwhelming considering the super cool concept behind the character.

The film feels very rushed. Apologies to those who disagree, but I think the pacing is atrocious and the final fight is anticlimactic. The movie felt like a word-vomit with no discernible intermissions that stops abruptly when the film ends.

I felt as though Po didn't change/grow as a person and the audience never had a chance to either bond with or relate to his character. His internal struggle is kept to a minimum and we don't spend a moment alone with him as an audience, which is disorienting and distracting. Watching the film felt like running into an old friend at the store who's too in a rush to have a real conversation.

The action scenes were strong with few exceptions. Creative art direction was utilized and I thought the martial arts choreography was entertaining and dynamic. I love the color palette of the film and many scenes were very impressive visually.

With my main points established, I do believe it's ranting time. Strap in, folks.

Let's start strong with the Furious Five: I'm gutted. Chagrined, despondent, crestfallen, etc.

The lack of the Furious Five negatively affects KFP4 so much, because not only does their absence hurt the atmospheric integrity of KFP as a franchise, it also forces KFP4 to bring in a slew of different characters—all while still noncommittally including the FF at the very end because I believe the marketing team required it—that clog up the cast a bit. It all goes to show how important strong, established side characters are.

The Furious Five are side characters, but the role of "side character" does not equate to being irrelevant, expendable, or exchangeable. I recognize that the Furious Five aren't super developed as characters beyond a handful of lines that allude to traits sprinkled sparingly among the members; however, I believe that the tiny bits of development we have been given have proved impactful in the past. Tigress's development in KFP2 is a prime example of how much narratively conscious changes (however small they may be) can positively affect these movies.

Because of limited runtimes, the Furious Five often operate as more of a singular unit than five individuals. Even so, I don't think discarding them is valid. They're so important to the KFP universe (to Po's universe!) and not having them with him feels so wrong. The Furious Five are fully integral to the heart of Kung Fu Panda, which is why I believe a lot of those who have seen the new movie have expressed something feeling "off" or something being missing.

I agree with this sentiment. To me, KFP4 didn't feel like a KFP movie. I don't need a Furious Five spin-off movie and I can be fully content with a KFP5 centered around Po's journey as an individual as was intended from the beginning, but he can't carry an entire movie on his back. As strong as he is in every sense of the word, he is only one character. He's the centerpiece of the franchise, but a centerpiece can only go so far without the rest of the design, so to speak.

For me, the Furious Five's absence is one of this film's biggest faults. It's huge and glaring. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, either, because the friends with whom I saw the film refused to talk about any other aspect of the movie after seeing it. Seeing them at the end was better than nothing, of course, but it was a disappointing culmination after eight years of waiting.

That all is to say I feel robbed. Despite all of this, though, I understand that there were reasons why the Furious Five weren't included in the movie. I don't believe the production team would exclude the Furious Five unless they weren't given a choice.

Shifu and Po's dynamic continues to be thoroughly delightful but their interactions are short and simplified. I would have loved to see more of them in this film, especially considering the extreme relevance of teacher-student relationships in KFP4. I (somewhat) digress, though, because the idea of Shifu having to live at the Jade Palace with only Po for an extended period of time is hilarious enough on its own. Maybe that's what the short film is about!

The comedy is odd but has some jokes that stand out. Po maintains a healthy relationship with his inner sass, which I think makes him more fun to watch and kind of eradicates the man-child verdict. Some jokes don't land, of course, but I genuinely thought KFP4 had some funny moments. Mr. Ping was consistently awesome and Po had some good lines sprinkled throughout the film.

As for Mr. Ping, he and Li Shan are the subjects of the film's B-plot as they follow Po to Juniper City out of shared concern for their son's safety. In my mind, they don't add anything to the story that couldn't have been brought about by other characters, but they had their moments of being entertaining. I enjoyed their silliness and thought they had a cute dynamic if nothing else.

Speaking of other characters, I want to discuss KFP4's deuteragonist and why I genuinely feel bad about the way her character was treated.

I want to let it be known that I'm still not on board with Po passing the Dragon Warrior torch to another character. While I agree that his arc is now calling for him to have a student, I disagree with the notion of him retiring from his DW role.

As I stated in my first discussion post:

Didn’t the initial significance and nuance of the title come from the fact that there is only one person who can be the Dragon Warrior, because the concept of the “Dragon Warrior” isn’t so much a title as it is Po himself? The universe (Oogway) must choose the Dragon Warrior because they are a singular being of legend. It is one person, and that person is Po. Wasn’t the point of the first film that the title ultimately doesn’t really matter because there is no “secret ingredient,” so to speak? The title doesn’t actually give Po anything. “It’s just you,” Po says, and that was the resolution.

When it comes to Zhen as a character, contrary to what I predicted I would think of her, I thought she was okay. While I was still a bit distracted by how out-of-place her design looks, I wasn't truly annoyed by her at any point and she and Po had some cute moments. Even so, I think their relationship could have been a bit more refined and developed.

While it's evident that Po and Zhen are meant to have a teacher-student/mentor-apprentice dynamic, I think their relationship feels half-baked. There were parallels that contradicted one another and ended up being confusing come the film's conclusion, and the nature of their relationship seems to vacillate depending on the scene. Additionally, the strength of their bond goes from zero to one hundred within thirty-ish minutes and left me with a bit of whiplash.

We're shown that Po and Zhen care about one another, but we're never shown why. They have a brief conversation during which they bond over being orphans, and Zhen says at one point, "You're actually a good guy," but that's it. This obvious lack of development is a bit disorienting because we're later led to believe that Zhen and Po care very deeply for one another when there's almost nothing to back it up.

A scene that sticks out to me when discussing this is when Zhen attack-hugs Po in a way that explicitly mirrors Tigress's hug from KFP2. This happens around the beginning of the third act, and while it had the potential to be an endearing moment, I think it fell flat.

The impact of Tigress's hug was brought on by her character's hardcore nature and reputation of being heartless, further strengthened with the knowledge that she was hugging Po (which was obviously way outside her comfort zone) as a show of companionship and fundamental understanding. Tigress hugged Po because he needed someone to recognize his strive for closure.

Zhen's hug had little to no impact because she had no reason to do it and it didn't indicate growth. She hugs Po because she's sorry for betraying him and doesn't want him to be killed by the Chameleon, but neither of these things are newly-established via this hug; we have already gathered by now that Zhen regrets betraying Po and doesn't want him to get hurt.

The hug is far from the movie's weakest point, but I think it's unnecessary given the context. I'm big on hugs in movies (an underutilized form of platonic affection, in my opinion), but it didn't fit here. I don't hate it, and I see it as an honest effort to bring emotionality to Po and Zhen's relationship, but it seems arbitrary.

Zhen and Po's relationship has a lot of potential and I'd be open to seeing more of them in the future, but I think some more thoughtful development needs to occur before I can humor it further. Even so, I can see myself featuring Zhen in some future post-KFP4 one-shots—sparingly, of course, because we have a lot of Furious Five content to compensate for.

Overall, they had a cute dynamic and some sweet moments but I'm not attached. I'm on board with Po having a student but I think their relationship needs a lot more development, something that this film unfortunately didn't give them time to either accomplish or earn.

Now, onto the Chameleon!

The concept of the Chameleon's character is admittedly super interesting. She's the deuteragonist's fastidious mother figure who feels that Zhen owes her a debt and as a result holds her to an impossible standard. That dynamic had the potential to be so interesting but I didn't think it was explored at all. There is no indication of Zhen having any internal conflict about fighting the Chameleon, no emotional complexity between them at all; it's disappointing because I think it would've added a bit of earnestness to the film.

Additionally, the idea of a shape-shifting villain is versatile. A shape-shifting villain gives those telling the story a lot of room to experiment with the protagonist and different ways in which the main character can be challenged and tested. It's yet another good idea utilized poorly. Just one idea: the Chameleon could have disguised herself as one (or several) of Po's family, friends, etc. and brought to fruition a new arc with his character (seeing as he arguably doesn't have one in this film), but she only disguises herself as Zhen very briefly in the movie.

Furthermore, the Chameleon completely relies on the powers of previous villains to pose any sort of threat to the main characters. She summons Po's former nemeses from the Spirit Realm (despite there being little logic in doing so considering Kai's literal evisceration) and takes their kung fu abilities for herself.

An excerpt from my first KFP4 discussion post that I think is relevant to the point I'm trying to make:

I don’t think it would be in the best interest of anyone if the past villains were to come back in any way that’s not a flashback (even then, I’m not sure I’d see the point). In all honesty, I thought that the whole point of the villains was that they died and stayed dead. They were defeated by Po once and for all as a testament to the idea of establishing Po's character growth and journey as a person through the bad things he’s able to overcome. It’d be highly contradictory to the messages of the other films if these villains were to suddenly come back.

While there was an honest effort made to portray the Chameleon as intimidating, I never felt as though any of the characters were endangered by either her or her army of lizard henchman. She's a visually appealing character (aside from her eyes, which I thought more resembled those of a gecko than a chameleon) and I greatly enjoyed Davis's performance, but overall I don't see the Chameleon as a notable villain.

The return of Tai Lung (had he been on his own) had the makings to be an excellent story, especially considering the importance of teacher-student dynamics in KFP4. To see him interacting with Shifu would have been incredible and could have led to further closure on Tai Lung's end (because I think that's kind of what the team was going for anyway), but it didn't happen.

It was nice to see Ian McShane reprise his role, but I wish Tai Lung's characterization had been more reminiscent of the way he was in the first film and more complimentary of his overall character arc. Tai Lung isn't a one-dimensional villain with a singular goal and motivation, and I couldn't help but feel as though the complexity of his character was simplified for the sake of KFP4's narrative.

Tai Lung's presence in KFP4 may be odd, but Shen and Kai's appearances are even more so. Kai, if I remember correctly, was fully obliterated by Po, reduced to literal particles on screen (which is kind of wild now that I think about it). Shen being in the Spirit Realm makes sense all things considered; however, Po and Li had no visible reaction to his presence, which seemed a bit unlikely considering Shen's deeds. This plot hole can likely be attributed to the fact that Shen and Kai's cameos (to my knowledge) were last-minute additions to the movie.

I have to talk about the pacing. I have to. I'm sorry, bear with me.

To me, the film's pacing is erratic and disconcerting. While I can appreciate a quick-moving narrative that doesn't dawdle on storylines that aren't interesting/important, KFP4 kind of flings itself too far in the opposite direction and ends up being frighteningly fast-paced. Once the credits began, I felt like I had been holding my breath for the entire movie.

KFP4 is confusing because while the runtime is standard for a KFP movie, it feels incredibly short. At the same time, the film's story moves at a breakneck speed and leaves little time for heart and development. These things culminate into a barreling boulder of a movie that simply doesn't have time to let its characters, story, or audience take a breath.

A fast pace is not inherently negative, but I don't think it worked in the favor of KFP4. The KFP franchise has always been very emotionally grounded (and just very grounded in general), so to see a film in which emotion/heart takes an aggressive backseat in comparison to action and comedy is jarring. While I think it's unreasonable for fans to expect the same emotional integrity as the original films to be present in the current and upcoming ones, I still think there's room for Po to grow and I felt as though the notion of him developing further was brushed aside in this film.

As for Po's growth, I felt it was nearly nonexistent. The previous trilogy wrapped up his character's journey beautifully and I know that KFP4 was bound to struggle with this particular aspect of making another KFP film; however, just because the strongest pillars of Po's character are established doesn't serve as a valid excuse to reverse his development and repeat what he learned in KFP3.

In KFP3, Po learned firsthand that he is capable of spreading wisdom and teaching kung fu. He also learns that he is constantly growing and that change is inevitable; there is always something more to learn.

"If you only do what you can do, you will never be more than you are now."

"I don't want to be anything more, I like who I am!"

In KFP4, Po pushes against this narrative despite fully accepting it in KFP3, actively reversing crucial parts of his character development achieved in the latter. KFP3 was non-ambiguously about learning to cope with change and responsibility, and I can't help but feel like KFP4 is simply copying this message while not adding anything to it.

Additionally, I felt that KFP4's Po generally felt less personal than he has in the past. In every KFP movie up to the franchise's most recent addition, I felt very connected to Po as an audience member. I felt like I was truly seeing the world of KFP through his eyes. I consider this to be one of the franchise's most impressive feats; it's incredibly difficult to build a universe around a character without making the audience feel limited to one perspective and one part of the world.

With KFP4, I felt both limited and disconnected. The world didn't feel as vast and all-encompassing as it has in the past and Po didn't seem fully like himself. This could be me nitpicking (as I'm prone to do), but I can't recall a single moment in the movie in which Po was alone on screen. Scenes like these are crucial for me because I see them as a meet-cute between the character and the audience, a moment for us to cross the bridge into their world in a way that's silent and intuitive. These little bonding moments are absolutely integral to feeling connected to a character.

Po's dream sequence in the first KFP movie is one of the best examples of this. It presents his aspirations, alludes to his way of life up to the point of the movie, and showcases his personality. During Po's dream sequence, the audience is quite literally inside Po's mind; we're there with him, seeing what he sees, subsequently feeling what he feels. Po is a dreamer at heart and makes the audience feel like dreamers, too.

In KFP4, I felt like I little to no point of reference when it comes to how Po was feeling. I didn't feel immersed in him and his world.

I know I've been very "doom and gloom" throughout this post, which is an exhausting mindset for everyone involved. I want to end my critique with something positive because I think some praise is deserved. Let's just say the movie could have been a lot worse, the details of which I'm sure you're all well aware.

The color palette of the movie is beautiful and somewhat reminiscent of the first film. While the animation style of KFP4 is far more simplistic than its predecessors, I was very impressed with its use of shadow and light. Po's many faces were also hysterical, props to those who helped make him as expressive as he is.

Additionally, the movie's action sequences were clearly thought out and discussed in great detail. The experimentation with camera angles was really fun to watch and I enjoyed the majority of the film's fight scenes. They were fun, bouncy, and entertaining, and quite likely reinstated audiences's love of watching a cuddly panda kick butt.

Congratulations, you've reached the end! Thank you so much to all of you who took the time to read this unnecessarily long and detailed review. As long as I help someone translate their conflicted feelings into coherent thoughts, I'll call it a win.

I want to reiterate that I don't hate Kung Fu Panda 4 and I had fun while watching the film. It has its flaws and there are a lot of aspects that I dislike, but the effort of the crew is obvious and I greatly admire and respect the hard work put into the film by those who worked on it. This does not at all excuse my issues with the movie, but it's worth saying.

As for the future of the series, I only hope that the next installment is more considerate of the franchise's origins and why Po's story is being told in the first place. I fully believe that another sequel could be good given a strong, passionate crew with a great understanding of the characters and world (and I wouldn't be averse to some previous directors returning, just to put it out there).

Thanks again to those who took the time to read this crazy excuse for a movie review. Feel free to either disagree with me or add things in the replies/reblogs, I'm always looking for more thoughts to think.

Until next time!

#kung fu panda 4 #kung fu panda #dreamworks animation #kfp #kfp 4 #movie review #i'll add the actual picture of the furious five's cameo when i can get ahold of one of decent quality #my time has come #it wasn't THAT bad #i didn't love it #but it is what it is #it's a tentative 6/10 all things considered #free the five #perhaps i treated kfp3 too harshly #don't get me wrong the movie had good qualities and i can tell a lot of work went into it #a lot of missed potential imo #a lot of characters done dirty #i didn't even mention the score but i thought it was just okay #i wasn't wowed #i know close to nothing about composing though so i should probably just not even go there #credits were the best part both cinematically and musically #i feel mean but i'm not going to be dishonest #bc obviously you all simply must know how i feel about the silly panda movie #a more detailed version of the grievances i have w the dragon warrior plot can be found in my og discussion post if anyone's interested #as well as my thoughts on bringing back old villains #might make some edits to this in the future but this is all i have to say for now

[punkshort]

somewhere to run | 5. first date

Pairing: sheriff!Joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You are left picking up the pieces from the events of the carnival night, in more ways than you expected.

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, PTSD type symptoms, mutual pining, jealousy, domestic violence and implied SA (nothing descriptive), mental and physical abuse, bar-fight type violence

WC: 6.8K

A/N: This is a tough chapter, please heed the warnings and if anyone thinks I need to add anything, please let me know

Series Masterlist

You stared listlessly at the blades of the ceiling fan swirling above your head as you listened to the town waking up outside your window. It was getting harder and harder to force yourself out of bed, the all too familiar feeling of emptiness weighing you down with each passing day.

It's been almost a week since that night at the carnival. Almost a week since you've seen him. You wished you could remember what his lips felt like, but whenever you thought about that night, all you could see was the look on his face when you finally told him the truth. His hands dropped from your waist like you had burned him. His eyes hardened like you had slapped him. And before you even had a chance to explain, he was gone.

It was a miracle you were able to make it home, tears clouding your vision as you drove down the quiet streets back to your little apartment, all alone. At first, you had tried to convince yourself that it was for the best, but after an hour, you weren't so sure anymore. So, you picked up your phone and called him. You weren't even sure what you would say, but you needed to try to make things right. It didn't end up mattering, anyway. He never answered, which should have been telling for what was to come, but you still persisted.

You called him two more times - once more that night, and again the following morning, but still he ignored your calls. Now, you stared at your phone, looking at the unanswered texts you sent, hoping he would be tempted to respond that way, but there was no such luck.

Please call me back, I want to explain.

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.

Where are you?

The last text was sent Monday afternoon when he didn't show up at the diner for the first time since you started. Even Betty looked shocked, but you wouldn't tell her what happened. How could you?

The rest of the week was the same. Every day you glanced up at the door, hoping to see his familiar frame walk through, hoping that maybe enough time would have passed for him to give you another chance, but all week he was missing.

You overheard Tommy talking with Maria in the kitchen, asking if she had seen his brother. Was he doing this to make things worse for you? Inevitably, the truth would come out if he kept this up, and you would be left to deal with the onslaught of questions. Was he purposely trying to hurt you?

Little did you know, later that evening you would receive your answer.

It was Friday, and you were on the schedule for the dinner shift. At least you had the luxury of laying in bed, sulking with only your overpowering guilt and the enormous stuffed penguin he won for you to keep you company. You stared at it now, wondering why you didn't shove it in your closet so you wouldn't have to look at it every time you walked into your room. But you knew the answer. You were punishing yourself for being selfish, for being dishonest, for being a horrible person who deserved what she got.

Eventually around noon, you pulled yourself out of bed, hunger getting the best of you and the smells from the pizza place downstairs didn't help matters.

You got a reminder on your calendar that you were supposed to go to book club tomorrow night. Aside from work, you hadn't left your apartment all week. You had to cancel. There was no way you would be able to go through with it. You could barely muster the energy to shower, and the only reason you managed to drag yourself to work was for the money. No longer did you have anything to look forward to now that Joel made his feelings crystal clear with his absence. What little enjoyment you had in this new life was long gone.

Deciding that you should take a short walk to try to clear your head and grab a treat from the coffee shop, you tugged on jeans and a T-shirt before pulling your hair back and grabbing a pair of sunglasses before heading down the stairs. At least with the sunglasses you could avoid eye contact.

Right as you were locking up after yourself, you heard your name. You grimaced but turned around and forced a smile when you saw Hailey approaching with a friendly wave.

"Hey," you said, giving her a small hug when she got closer.

"I haven't seen you all week! Have you been sick or something?"

"Something like that," you mumbled, adjusting your sunglasses.

"I've been trying to catch you, I wanted to show you some pics from last weekend. You were there, right? I thought I saw you tagged in something," Hailey said as she scrolled on her phone, presumably looking for pictures she took from the carnival.

"Tagged?" you repeated, confused. She nodded and held up her phone, showing you the Facebook app. You shook your head and frowned.

"I'm not on Facebook," you said to her. She pursed her lips and swiped through a few images before finally stopping on a video. It was terrible lighting and the sound was awful but you could clearly see the yellow dress you were wearing as you watched Joel play the target game. Even from the shitty video you could see the obvious attraction in your eyes as you gazed at him. A chorus of cheers followed after each pull of the trigger, but your eyes remained glued to Joel's back, frozen in place.

"Isn't this your page?" she asked, clicking on your name and showing you the profile. You took the phone from her with shaky hands, scrolling through the information and pictures listed. It was you. Everything listed was correct, but you never created this page. You wouldn't have been that stupid. Then the realization hit you and your blood ran cold.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and went back to the video, noticing at the top the location was tagged along with you, Joel, and a few other people from town you barely recognized.

"Oh my god," you whispered to yourself.

"What's wrong?"

You handed her the phone back, tears burning the back of your eyes.

"I'm sorry, I gotta go," you said, turning back around to fumble with your keys. You raced up the stairs, making sure both doors were double locked before hiding in your bedroom, your phone clutched in your hand as you looked up your fake profile, trying to learn more but you already knew.

Patrick was coming for you.

You were downright terrified to work that night. If he found you, and it was just a matter of time at this point, he most likely would wait until you were alone. He would wait until he could follow you, find out where you lived, and only then would he make his move. The idea of walking home at night seemed like a really bad idea, so even though it was a ten minute walk, you chose instead to drape yourself in an oversized hoodie with sunglasses and jog to your car, glancing nervously around the parking lot for any suspicious vehicles before sliding into the driver's seat.

Anxiously, you checked your mirrors the whole short drive to the diner, but it didn't appear that you were being followed. You knew once you got to work, you would be safe. Being around other people was your only defense. Then you had the weekend off, so you could hide and figure out what to do. All you had to do was get through your shift.

The diner was busy. It was Friday, and the carnival was no longer in town, so people were going back to their regular routines. Many people in town tended to stop by for dinner before the only movie theater in town ran the 7pm showing, so that typically meant a 5:30 rush.

Fortunately, you were busy. It helped keep your mind off everything: Patrick. Joel. The mess you created everywhere you went. It was all pushed to the back of your mind as you ran around the dining room, dropping off food and wiping down tables. You hadn't even noticed the familiar voice talking to Maria at the hostess stand, even though you had been yearning to hear it all week.

You were filling the ice when you heard him somewhere behind you, and you were so relieved you almost cried. Finally, he came back and you could explain to him what happened. He was the sheriff, after all. And you trusted him. If anybody might be able to do something to help you, it was him.

You turned around with a deep breath, then froze at what you saw. Joel was seated at one of the booths, not at the counter like he typically would be, and gazing adoringly across the table at Nikki.

He was on a date.

You thought you were going to be sick. You clutched your stomach and turned away, blinking back the tears but before you could go hide in the back, Maria spotted you.

"Do you mind taking care of Joel? Gina's got too many tables," she asked. You thought you would faint the way all the blood drained from your face. All you could manage to do was nod, and she hurried back to the hostess stand, completely oblivious.

You forced your feet to move, keeping your gaze down as you pulled out your pad of paper and pen with shaky fingers and forcing a weak smile when you approached their table. You weren't sure if his intention was to have you wait on him, or if he just wanted you to see him with another woman, or maybe he didn't care about you at all. But his reaction gave you nothing to work with since he barely spared you a glance when you greeted them. However, Nikki recognized you and gave you a warm smile.

"I don't think I knew you worked here!" she said, and when Joel realized you knew each other, he finally seemed to react. A muscle in his jaw twitched when he dragged his gaze up to look between the two of you, no playfulness or warmth to be found in his eyes. You swallowed and tried to focus on your job, ignoring Joel as best you could, but Nikki spoke before you could even get the specials out.

"We know each other from book club," she explained to him before turning back to you. "Will I be seeing you tomorrow?"

"Oh, um, no I don't think so," you said nervously, feeling Joel's eyes burning a hole in the side of your head.

"Oh, that's a shame! We had such a fun time last month," she said with a giggle. You had to admit, they made a good match. She was beautiful and seemed very nice. You should be happy for them both, but you knew the moment you got home, you would collapse into tears.

"You should go," Joel said gruffly, and it took all the strength you had to make yourself look at him. He no longer gave you the same look he used to, and it broke your heart. He looked at you like a stranger, like he barely even knew you. It felt more painful than anything Patrick ever did.

"Maybe I will," you said, tearing your eyes away from him. Before Nikki could say anything else, you rambled off the specials, your mind on autopilot. You ripped a hole in your paper with your pen when you saw out of the corner of your eye Nikki link her fingers with his across the table. You mumbled something about being right back and hurried off, tears welling up in your eyes.

This was too cruel. You endured a lot in your time, but this? This was too much.

As you filled up their drinks and flicked away a stray tear from the corner of your eye, you heard Joel's voice clear his throat behind you at the counter. You turned around, drinks in hand. He was leaning over the counter, trying to stay hidden from sight.

"I didn't mean for -"

"It's fine," you said coldly, staring him down. He blinked at you, and for the first time you saw a shred of guilt pass over his features. When he didn't say anything else, you shifted your weight and glanced over his shoulder at Nikki.

"You better go. Your date's looking for you."

His gaze fell and he pinched the bridge of his nose, about to say something else but you didn't let him. You could only take so much. By the time he looked back up, you were halfway across the dining room, setting down their drinks and giving your attention to your other tables.

You drove home that night with hot tears finally trailing down your cheeks, your mind completely fixated now on Joel and Nikki. It hurt how he moved on so quickly. Maybe you misread him. Maybe he was just looking for a conquest and nothing more. What else would possibly explain it? For the first time, you wondered if you were the one better off after all.

Would he kiss her goodnight? Would they have sex?

Did they already have sex?

You parked your car and hunched over the steering wheel, letting the tears flow freely now that you were home and no one was around.

A sharp rap on your window pulled you out of your misery, making you jump. You wiped your cheeks before turning to look, your eyes widening and your heart immediately getting stuck in your throat.

Patrick just shook his head in disappointment, then beckoned you out of the car with his index finger. With a shaky hand, you reached for the door handle and swung it open, sliding out of the seat and taking a deep breath. Just when you thought the day couldn't get any worse.

"When are you gonna learn I'm never gonna give up on us, babe?"

After he left, you laid there in your bed, staring up at the fan swirling above you once again and the smell of that fucking cologne permeating your sheets. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. You couldn't help but think you brought this on yourself. Maybe if you didn't go to that fucking carnival in the first place, none of this would have happened. Joel wouldn't be icing you out, Patrick wouldn't have found you, and you wouldn't be cleaning up the mess he left between your legs while you sobbed over the bathroom sink. Every time this happened you were eternally grateful for your oldest cousin back home who took you to get birth control at the local clinic behind your husband's back. If not for her, who knows how much worse things would be.

But here you were, finding yourself slipping right back into the same situation you were trying to escape. This time, he promised to go to AA and NA. He promised he would try to get better. Part of you wanted to believe him, because what other choice did you have? He would always find you. And it was encouraging he didn't insist on staying with you at your apartment, nor did he hit you. This time.

Just as you were contemplating whether or not to flee again, your phone buzzed on your nightstand. You sighed and made your way over, your body and mind exhausted, the events of the day catching up with you. You lifted your phone up and froze. Blinking a few times, you sunk down into your mattress and opened up the message.

Joel: I'm sorry about earlier

You sniffled and stared at your phone, having no idea what to say. Had he just texted you the day before, or even that morning, maybe things would have been different. You decided to ignore it for now, turning your phone on silent before crawling under the covers and trying to block out the smell.

After a fitful night's sleep, the next morning you eagerly checked your phone, hoping for another text from Joel, but you only had one from Hailey. Disappointed, you opened it up, reading her message about book club that night and who was hosting. You reluctantly agreed to go at the last minute, figuring you would at least be around people for a little while, meaning you would be safe. Besides, you wouldn't be able to avoid Nikki forever. The town was too small and you were sure everyone was already buzzing about their date last night.

You swiped back to your message with Joel, staring at the words again, wondering if you should respond. What if he wasn't alone? What if Nikki spent the night with him? You put your phone down, choosing once and for all not to reply before burying yourself under the covers again.

Going to the book club meeting was a mistake. You politely declined a glass of wine, and you regretted it about twenty minutes in when Nikki began telling the whole group about her date with Joel.

You sat there, listening to every word, each one like a stab to the heart while she told all the ladies about how chivalrous he was when he picked her up, what they talked about, what movie they saw. Every minute bringing you closer and closer to tears.

That could have been you if you had just been honest with him, or maybe just stood up for yourself once in a while instead of letting Patrick steamroll you every chance he got for the past five years.

A couple women glanced your way as Nikki spoke. You had to imagine some people saw you together at the carnival. Towards the end of the night, the heat between you was palpable, but you were pretty certain nobody saw you kiss. You did your best to look indifferent, to act like Joel was just a friend and there were no feelings there, but it was hard. At one point, Hailey asked if you were okay and you had to lie about having a headache, hoping it would explain your quiet behavior.

"It was a little strange at the end of the night, though," Nikki said, finally wrapping up her story.

"How so?" one of the older ladies asked, and you could see the flush creeping up her neck before she even spoke.

"Well, he didn't seem to take my hint about coming inside for coffee when he dropped me off. Or maybe he just didn't want to..." she said, trailing off.

"Oh please, who wouldn't want to," Hailey chimed in, making Nikki giggle. "He's probably just so rusty he wouldn't know it unless you made him a big neon sign that said 'Joel, sleep with me'."

That caused a ripple of laughter amongst the women and you took a steadying breath, already planning on announcing you needed to leave early due to your fake headache when Nikki added one more piece of interesting information.

"Yeah, maybe. But even saying good night, it felt like he didn't really want to kiss me."

"But you did kiss?" another woman asked, and she nodded.

"It was... not what I expected," she admitted, pink dusting her cheeks as she took another sip of wine for courage.

"What do you mean?" Hailey asked, and you silently thanked her for being so nosy so you didn't have to ask the same questions that kept popping up in your head.

"I don't know, I thought he would be a better kisser. It was very... boring. Like, there was no passion or excitement."

All the other women murmured to themselves in shock while you remained perfectly silent. That was most definitely not the experience you had kissing Joel.

Fortunately, they moved on from the topic of Joel shortly thereafter, and you decided to force yourself to stay until the end. Given how horrible the whole week had been, you allowed yourself to feel a little bit of hope after Nikki's comment.

He didn't want to kiss her. Maybe you could still figure out a way to fix this.

Joel groaned as he rolled over in bed and snatched his phone off the charger, glaring at the device and mentally cursing whoever texted him so fucking early on a Sunday. Then his sleep addled brain jolted awake and his heart skipped a beat, wondering if your name was going to pop up on his phone again, but he was met with instant disappointment when he saw Nikki's name instead.

That couldn't be a good sign.

He should be happy to see that Nikki texted him. Deciding to blame it on the early hour and nothing more, he moved past it and set his phone back down to read the message later. He closed his eyes and sighed. Now that he was awake, all of the turmoil from the past week came rushing back to him, always plaguing his every waking moment.

He hadn't realized how much you were hurting until he finally saw you at the diner that night. It was one of his biggest regrets, taking Nikki there. He knew what he was doing, but he did it anyway, and it hurt you. But you didn't deserve that. Even though you nearly shattered his world with your secret, you still didn't deserve it.

His intention was to try to prove he wasn't as hung up on you as he really was. That it was fine that you were married. That he could move on.

It was a little cruel to go right to Nikki. He knew she had feelings for him, and he took advantage of it, all to prove he was over you. And it wasn't even true. He couldn't stop thinking about you. And now he was going to end up hurting two women, just to protect his ego.

So he decided he would try to make it work with Nikki. She was a pretty girl, she was nice and kind. Maybe, in time, he could develop real feelings for her. But when she kissed him the other night, he felt absolutely nothing. Not like what he felt when he kissed you. And that worried him.

If he knew now what he would be missing out on, could he really be happy with someone who didn't give him a fraction of what he felt with you?

He wished more than ever that he didn't let his emotions get the best of him that night. Maybe you had a reasonable explanation. He couldn't fathom what that could be, but he should have at least heard you out. You wouldn't have intentionally hurt him. In fact, you tried to tell him, in your own way. You constantly pushed him away, kept him at arms length, but he just kept coming back for more. Was it even your fault? Did he pressure you so much that you were forced to share something you weren't ready to share?

Letting his desperation win, he picked up his phone again and checked to see if you maybe texted him back in the last five minutes. When he quickly determined you didn't, he opened up Facebook. Maybe you replied to his private message on there.

Joel didn't get nervous often. He had a steady hand, a level head, and had a knack for seeing two steps ahead. He typically had a calming presence, which fit well for his job when he was able to de-escalate situations naturally and with ease.

But today, he was nervous.

For whatever reason, you didn't respond to his text message the other night, but you did decide to respond to the Facebook message he sent at an ungodly hour in the hopes he could get through to you some other way. And by some miracle, it worked.

You had agreed to meet him for coffee and talk. It was unexpected, he thought he would have to try harder, but you were very agreeable to seeing him.

He wasn't sure what he would say exactly, but he knew he wanted to apologize sincerely and give you the opportunity to explain your situation. If not to get some closure, then to at least make going back to the diner less uncomfortable.

He took a deep breath as he raked his fingers through his hair and swung open the door of the coffee shop. He glanced around the room before his eyes fell on you: hunched over and staring down at a small cup of coffee on the table in front of you.

He took a step forward, then stopped when he saw a man with a buzz cut and a beard sit down across from you. Joel didn't recognize him and he was fairly certain he could recognize just about anybody in town at this point. Something about the way you glanced up at the man across from you set his teeth on edge. You didn't smile. You didn't laugh. You looked pale and your eyes looked tired. He watched as the two of you exchanged a few words, and based on the man's body language, the mood was tense. Then suddenly, he reached his arm out across the table to grab your wrist and you jumped, fear flickering across your face. Even from this distance, Joel could see the whites of the man's knuckles as he squeezed your delicate skin under his firm grip.

Joel's nostrils flared and his jaw clenched and before he knew it, he was marching over to your table. Your eyes flicked up when you noticed him, looking like you had seen a ghost. Your eyes widened and your lips parted as you sat back in your chair. The man you were with noticed your reaction and finally loosened his grip, and you immediately tucked your hands on your lap underneath the table. He turned around and looked up with a scowl just as Joel approached.

"Everythin' alright here?" Joel asked, staring at you. You opened your mouth to reply, but the man across from you stood up, cutting you off.

"Everything's just great, Joel," he said with a sneer. Joel tore his eyes away from you to regard the man you were with. He looked him up and down, sizing him up, before answering.

"Sorry, have we met?"

"In a way," he said, crossing his muscular arms across his chest. Joel glanced at you again, but you were just staring down at your coffee cup, refusing to look at either of them.

"Don't look at her, look at me," he said, and Joel's head snapped back around with a glare.

"Excuse me?"

That was when Joel smelled the man's cologne. The same one Sarah bought for him. The same one you told him you were sensitive to. The wheels began turning in his head as he tried to put the pieces together.

"Patrick," you said quietly, trying to calm them both down when you felt other customers giving you curious looks.

"Shut up," he growled at you, still staring at Joel. Joel stiffened, the anger building low in his stomach, but he fought to keep a clear head.

"Hey, take it easy," Joel tried to interject, but Patrick scoffed. As his anger began to rise, Joel could see his neck splotching with red and veins popping out under his reddened skin.

"Don't stand there and act like you haven't been fucking my wife!" Patrick all but shouted, pulling the attention of everyone in the coffee shop now. Joel balked and took a step back.

"You've got it all wrong, we've never-"

"Patrick, I'm not sleeping with him, get a grip!" you snapped, finally standing up from the table.

"The hell you aren't. Why's he sending you messages in the middle of the night on Facebook saying he misses you and he's sorry and he needs to see you?" Patrick asked, turning on you now.

Your jaw dropped and your cheeks flushed pink, your surprised gaze bouncing between the two men and that was when Joel figured it out. Patrick lured him there to cause a fight, and you looked to be completely in the dark.

Joel glanced around nervously at all the onlookers now, murmuring amongst themselves, gossip he was sure would spread to the ends of town before noon.

"Listen, why don't we go outside and calm down. I can explain, it's not what it looks like," Joel said, lowering his voice.

"I'm staying right here," Patrick said, sitting back down in his chair and jutting his chin out with a glare. He seemed hellbent on doing this his way, and Joel was not in the mood.

"You're disturbin' the peace. These people are tryin' to enjoy their mornin' here. Either come outside with me, or we can do this a different way," Joel replied, pulling the hem of his shirt up to flash the gold star on his belt. Patrick laughed, then leaned over to grab his wallet out of his back pocket, showing Joel his own badge.

"Philly PD. 9th precinct. Wanna try that again, sheriff?"

That bit of information stunned Joel, momentarily at a loss for words.

"Hell, honey, at least you got a type," Patrick muttered to you, putting his wallet away. You grimaced and dropped your head between your shoulders, looking defeated.

"Either way, I gotta ask you to leave," Joel said, standing his ground. He could see the flush rising up Patrick's neck again, his fingers curling into a fist on the table before you stepped to stand between the two men.

"C'mon, Patrick. Let's go," you urged, holding your hand out shakily. Patrick slowly turned his head to look up at you. There was no love in his eyes. No affection or care. All Joel could see was raw anger.

"Why don't you come down to the station with me. We can talk this out, hm?" Joel asked him calmly, not feeling comfortable letting you leave with this man. You turned your head to the side, your eyes unable or unwilling to meet his.

"I got it, Joel. I'm sorry," you said softly over your shoulder.

Joel watched Patrick stand up and mock you under his breath before snatching your hand and pulling you roughly to his side, leading you out the front door. He was scrambling to find another reason to keep you from walking out of there, but he was too late. The pair of you were already halfway down the block by the time Joel was able to gather himself and walk out the door.

He stood on the sidewalk with his hands on his hips, watching as Patrick nearly dragged you up the street. You managed to turn your head once to look at him, your eyes wide and filled with worry before you turned the corner, disappearing from sight.

Nikki was talking his ear off, all bubbly and excited as she led Joel into one of the few bars in town. A blind man could see she was trying too hard. She was the one who came up with the idea of drinks, turning down dinner beforehand, and wearing one of the shorter dresses he's seen on a woman in a long time.

He realized about half an hour into the night it must have been a real blow to her self esteem when he turned her down after their first date because she was hanging all over him, pushing her chest against him every chance she could and even encouraged him to do a shot with her. He entertained the idea once but stopped her after that. He wasn't lying when he told you he wasn't much of a drinker, and he certainly wasn't interested in having meaningless, sloppy sex with Nikki, so he tried to slow her down and distract her.

"C'mon, why don't we order you somethin' to eat?" Joel said, flagging down the bartender for a menu, but Nikki shook her head and pouted.

"I'm hungry, but not for food, Joel," she whispered in his ear, then brazenly slid her hand over his thigh to try to cup him over his jeans. His hand shot down and grabbed her wrist.

"What are you doin'?" he asked with a nervous chuckle, and she groaned, pulling her hand back to wrap her arms around his shoulders instead.

"Isn't it obvious?" she replied, leaning forward to nibble on his ear. He made a face and untangled her arms from around him, pulling her back to her own stool.

"Listen, Nikki-"

A roar of laughter and some broken glass from the other side of the crowded bar caught Joel's attention. It was a Sunday night, but it was busy. There was a big football game on above the bar and it seemed to pull in all the men in town that evening. It was no wonder Joel didn't notice Patrick until that point.

He watched him through the throngs of bodies as he stumbled around the pool table with a couple other younger men from town. He looked like he was wasted: his eyes were bloodshot, his pupils blown wide, and his face was bright pink. Nikki followed Joel's gaze and turned back to him, confused.

"Who's that?" she asked, but Joel ignored her and instead waved down the bartender again.

"What's up, Joel?" he asked, wiping his hands with a worn out rag.

"What's goin' on over there, Hank?" Joel asked, nodding in Patrick's direction, watching as he grabbed the ass of a blonde girl heading to the bathroom.

"He's been here for hours," Hank said, leaning across the bar to keep his voice as low as possible. "I started waterin' down his drinks around 5, but he keeps gettin' worse and worse. Told one of his friends there to take him outside, I think he's too far gone and won't take kindly to me askin' him to leave."

Joel nodded and continued to watch. His skin looked red and his hair looked damp with sweat.

"What's wrong?" Nikki purred in his ear, trying to get his attention back on her, but he shook his head.

"Somethin' ain't right," he mumbled.

"I think he's married to that new waitress at the diner," Hank continued. Nikki sat back in her seat and said your name, her eyes beginning to clear. Hank snapped his fingers and pointed at her.

"Yep, that's the one. Was sayin' some real god awful stuff earlier 'bout her to those guys. Now you know I hear my fair share of bawdy talk 'round here, but this was enough to even make me blush."

Joel cursed under his breath and stood up from his stool. Nikki grabbed his arm and frowned.

"Where are you going?"

"Just gonna have a talk with him," Joel said, shrugging her hand off as he pushed his way through the crowd. As Joel approached the pool table, Patrick's drunken gaze fell on him and he smirked.

"Well, look who it is boys," Patrick said, his voice too loud as he stumbled to lean against the wall. "If it ain't the sheriff of this here wild west." Patrick laughed at his own joke, but the other three men he was with quieted down when they saw Joel.

"I think you oughta head home. Seems like you've had enough this evenin'," Joel said, his voice steady.

"I don't think I like you telling me what to do," Patrick said, his smile slipping as he pushed off the wall and took a few steps forward. One of the younger men that was playing pool with Patrick set his cue down on the table and spoke up.

"Hey man, let's just head out - "

"Shut the fuck up, I'll handle this asshole," Patrick turned and yelled, causing the whole bar to go quiet. Joel took a deep breath and reached behind him for his handcuffs.

"I don't fucking think so," Patrick said, his eyes locked on Joel's hand, but Joel just shook his head.

"You ain't givin' me much of a choice," he replied, but before he could blink, Patrick reared back and swung, his meaty fist coming in direct contact with Joel's chest, momentarily knocking the air out of his lungs. Luckily, Patrick was too drunk and missed Joel's face. But Joel was still relatively sober, and therefore much quicker. He lunged forward and clocked Patrick right in the nose, making him stumble backwards clutching his face with a pained howl.

People scattered out of the way, some men calling out to Patrick, telling him to stop, but most were just encouraging the fight with drunken excitement.

Once Patrick got his bearings, he ran forward at full speed, aiming to knock Joel down to the ground but he dodged him with ease and instead sent him flying head first into an empty table. He rolled over with a groan, blood trickling from his nose, a bright purple bruise already forming under his eye.

Joel leaned over him with a grin.

"You done?"

Patrick just groaned again, his hands coming up to rub his head. Joel took the opportunity to snatch his wrist and twist him around on the floor. Pressing his knee into Patrick's back, he pulled his other arm around and handcuffed him before pulling out his cell and dialing the number for the station.

Once Joel loaded Patrick into the back of Bobby's cruiser, telling his deputy to book him and he would deal with it in the morning, the rest of the bar went back to watching the football game, the excitement now over and done with. Joel scanned around and found Nikki seated exactly where he left her, but she looked less than pleased. He sighed and pushed his way through the crowd, back to his date.

"Hey, sorry 'bout -"

"I think I'm ready to leave, Joel," she said curtly, standing up and snatching her purse from the bar.

"Alright," he said. He led her outside and was heading to his truck when she stopped in front of a waiting car. He turned to look at her, confused.

"I asked a friend to come get me," she explained, and Joel slowly nodded.

"Hey, I'm sorry 'bout tonight, but sometimes the job just gets in the way."

"Was it the job, Joel? Or was it her?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him. He paused, unsure what to say as he averted his gaze. She looked down at her feet and took a breath before bringing her eyes back up to him.

"This isn't going to work out, is it?" she asked softly. Joel forced himself to look at her again and after a moment, shook his head. He could see the tears welling up in her eyes and he immediately felt guilty. He took a step forward but she sniffled and stepped further away.

"I don't know why I couldn't see it. The whole fucking town sees it. Even after what happened at the coffee shop this morning... I just hoped..." she trailed off and wiped a stray tear from her eye.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, and he truly meant it. He didn't want to hurt her and he felt like shit that it had to come down to this.

"It's fine. I'll get over it," she said, trying to sound strong before turning to her friend's car and sliding into the front seat. He almost reached out, almost asked her to stay, but he stopped because it would have been cruel and selfish. He was only looking to assuage his own guilt. Instead, he watched the car back up and leave the parking lot, a pit growing in his stomach now that he was alone.

He knew it was the right thing to do, that he had to be honest with Nikki. At least he didn't lead her on, and he hoped he didn't hurt her feelings too badly, but he still felt like an asshole.

Then his thoughts drifted to you. What happened today after the coffee shop? Even though the guy was an asshole, it didn't change the fact you were married and he couldn't have you. What was he supposed to do? Pine away for you his whole life? Would he really ever be content with just being your friend?

And what the hell was he going to do with Patrick? He could charge him with assaulting an officer, that should keep him in jail for a few days until he posts bail, but would he ever see any charges actually stick? Or would he make a few phone calls and have them disappear?

He didn't anticipate this ever being a problem. He's never had to deal with another lawman on the receiving side of his job.

He was entering uncharted territory.

Taglist: @harriedandharassed@merz-8@sarap-77@nandan11@anoverwhelmingdin@fandomscollide@survivingandenduring@honeyedmiller@pedropascalsbbg@southernbe@pedrosfanny@gobaaby-blog-blog @eloquentdreamer @yomiyasxx @mrsparknuts@missladym1981@spacedoutdaydreamer @cosmic006533-blog @prettyinpunk85@maried01 @sunnyskyapplepie @sawymredfox@gobaaby-blog-blog@stevie75@mxtokko@sleepylunarwolf@lizzie-cakes@laurrrra@annieispunk@here4thedilfs @navystandardheatingoilcap @slugz-writes-shit@devilbat@ashleyfilm

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel the last of us #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller angst #joel miller series #joel miller x reader #sheriff!joel #STR fic #the last of us hbo #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal

[reidspharb]

The Moment I Knew

*Part two

Summary: Spencer misses your 25th birthday and that’s when you realize your relationship can’t be fixed.

Word count: 800 or something idk ICBA shes a short one

Warnings: angst, Reid is a shitty boyfriend in this one

Note: hi this was written at 3 am and I’m new to writing so if this sucks sorry anyways but I got this idea from Taylor Swifts song by the Same name and I thought I would write it so yeah enjoy

Sure, you were so happy all your friends were there and everyone was having a good time… but you couldn’t help but think about Spence.

It was 10 pm, the party started at 8 and he still wasn’t there like he promised. You couldn’t help but think about him coming through the door right now, gifts in hand as he did on your last birthday with that baby I’m right here smile.

You knew he couldn’t be here, and you knew how much he valued his work, but, he wasn’t even on a case far away… he was here, in Virginia, and he couldn’t even call to wish you a happy birthday.

Your eyes were locked on the door most of the time as you socialized. People asked about him, about your relationship, and the most you could give them was a sad smile and a dishonest word about how great everything was going.

“So how have you been,” your friend Sarah said as she laughed and took a sip of her drink “I mean I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!”

you plastered on the brightest fake smile you could and mustered up an answer just normal enough to get you by.

“I've been okay, you know, with work and everything.”

All you could think about was him, how he said he would be there. He told you- no he promised you weeks in advance that he would be here. But he’s not.

You felt stupid, standing there all dolled up in your tight black dress and red lipstick. You thought maybe if you dressed up nice he would make sure to be there, but then again, there you were with no one to impress.

You knew it was hopeless, there you were on your birthday staring at the door and watching the clock tick as everyone around you danced and laughed. You looked around the room, trying to spot him in the crowd but who were you fooling, you knew he wasn’t there.

As you listened to your loved ones sing happy birthday around you, you could only hear his voice in your memory. When you blew out those candles your only wish was for him to be there with you. You should’ve been so happy, but he was the one thing missing.

Then it was 1 am, and you were barely tipsy. you already had a nervous stomach, you knew drinking would only make it worse. By now you were sick of everyone being around you, you just wanted to be alone. You stumbled to the bathroom over some discarded red cups and locked yourself in there, tears burning at your eyes when you saw yourself in the mirror.

You did your makeup the way he liked it too so that if you sent pictures he really wouldn’t miss it, such a naive thing to think you told yourself. You heard a knock on your door and there were your two best friends, Tegan and Oliver, mixed with the emotions of seeing them staring at you with so much pity in their eyes and Spencer being away made you break down.

Tegan held you as you sobbed, mascara dripping down your cheeks with every tear.

“He said- he said he would be here…”

“I'm so sorry, love bug, I wish I could grab him and rip him into pieces. You deserve so much better.” Said Oliver, holding your cold hands.

You felt so embarrassed, sitting there in front of your friends crying about some stupid boy. But he was the one who meant the most to you and he wasn’t there.

The next morning you woke up on your couch, head pounding. Your apartment was trashed, there were plastic cups scattered all over the room. As you stepped over them to get ready for the day, you felt a sharp pain in your chest as you heard Spencer’s familiar ringtone playing from your phone.

“Hey doll, it’s me” he sighed on the other line of the phone.

“Hi, Spencer.” You mumbled. You knew it would hurt to say his whole name instead of the nickname you’d been calling him since the day you met him.

“I'm so sorry I didn’t make it babe I was caught up in paperwork and I lost tra-“ you interrupted his rambling, you didn’t care anymore.

“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you later Spencer.” You hissed into the phone before hitting the red button on the screen and setting your phone back down on the counter.

That was the moment you knew.

That was the moment you knew that this would never work out.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #angst #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid self insert #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfiction #mgg #matthew gray gubler #dr spencer reid #ssa spencer reid #idk what else to put here #help #first fic #or whatever #is that cringe #idk lol #Reidspharbangst

[autismswagsummit]

On Season 2, and the continuation of this blog.

I've been thinking about how to address Season 2 on this blog for a while now. Obviously, it didn't end up happening for the blog anniversary as expected, and there hasn't been any signs of it here since. I feel dishonest for stoking false hopes, and as such it feels essential to clear up confusion on the status of the next season.

As you know, this blog only has 1 operator. I'm not looking for secondary mods at the present, and even if I was I wouldn't know heads from tails as to who to ask. This means that I am solely responsible for all blog maintenance and running the polls. On top of issues pertaining to my real life, I simply haven't had the time or energy to set up the second season yet, especially since it's going to take a much larger scale than the first.

I'd also like to say that I'm not going anywhere. We aren't deactivating the blog or going radio silent forever, this is just a notice saying that Season 2 likely won't be for a while longer while I manage some personal stuff that can't be put off for the sake of running a tumblr competition. I do want Season 2 to happen, I don't want to leave everyone hanging and I especially don't want this blog to go cold without so much as a notice as to why.

To summarize:

Season 2 is coming, likely some time this summer as I won't have the free time for it for a while

I've been absent because there's only 1 of me, and I've been too busy with other matters to manage this blog at the same time

I'm not deactivating the blog, nor do I ever intend to

Thank you all for your patience in sticking around, and I'll see you again in Season 2.

#qna time #autism #polls #autismsummit2024

[fyeahnix]

Sevika's line of work is dangerous, and while she can easily take care of herself, it doesn't mean she isn't prepared. She has hideouts across Zaun that she may occupy if she needs to lie low for a while. Everything, of course, gets more complicated with a significant other involved.

[Based off the first safehouse headcanon post I made.]

Sevika breathed deeply as you sat flush against her on her sofa. She fumbled a set of gleaming keys in her hands, brand new from what you could tell. As funny as the surprise would have been, none of them read "keys to a new house." Whatever got your normally stoic girlfriend this pensive must have been serious.

You aimed to give her time but when that time prolonged dead silence, you grew worried. You placed a hand on her muscular thigh. Rubbed. Squeezed.

"What'd you want to talk to me about?" you asked.

Sevika exhaled like she'd been holding her breath the entire two minutes. Like she'd forgotten she called you here in the first place. On the fifth rotation of your hand, her thigh melted under your touch and she relaxed her shoulders. She called you by name.

"We've been... together for a while now. I... I don't trust people easily. You know that. But I do trust you. Which is why I wanted you to know this."

"Know what?"

She slumped forward only a few degrees before she continued. "I have hideouts scattered around Zaun. Found 'em and made 'em all myself. Just... places I can go in case anything goes tits up. No one has access to them except me. Not even Silco."

Your lips parted. That... certainly wasn't what you expected. Frankly, you didn't know what to expect with the keys she rolled in her palm.

"I know that's a lot to process. I just... hope you aren't too pissed at me for not telling you earlier."

Pissed? No. Disappointed? Possibly. Not so much that it was your business, but that she didn't feel she could trust you before. But you knew she had trust issues to begin with. Just like you knew what you signed up for when you started dating her. She was never dishonest about her involvement with Silco or her job. It was dangerous and she spared you any gruesome details save for the black eyes and split lips she couldn't hide. Plausible deniability for you, of course. With all that considered, no, you weren't pissed. How could you be?

You squeezed her thigh tighter, and she relaxed even more. "I understand, Sevika. I do."

"I do trust you. I need you to understand that." She looked over expectantly.

You nodded. "I know."

"That's why I... I want you to have access to all of them."

"Wait, what?" you said, leaning into her. "What do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said. I want you to have access to all my hideouts."

It hit you immediately. You gazed down.

Sevika stopped fiddling with the keys and opened her palm. "This is your set. Had 'em made a week ago. Just... didn't know when best to tell you."

Your set? Your keys?

"Escúchame, cariño. I trust you. I Iove you. And I want you to be safe. If... anything ever happens to me, or I'm not around and you don't feel safe, go to one. There's four in the Undercity, one in Piltover."

You didn't know what to say but the implication wasn't lost on you. You rested your chin on her shoulder and placed your hand over hers, trapping the keys between your palms.

She whispered that she'd show you their locations throughout the week since they were well-hidden but said nothing more afterwards. She turned your hands over, relinquishing her grasp to wrap your fingers around the keys.

Your keys.

taglist: @gaudesstuff @archangeldyke-all @abitohoney @sexysapphicshopowner

#Arcane #Sevika #Sevika Arcane #Arcane Sevika #Sevika imagine #Sevika headcanon #Sevika x Reader #Sevika x You #sevika fanfic #headcanon #headcanon: sevika #writing #reader insert #also remember if you wanna be added to the sevika taglist let me know!

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

// y'know I don't think i would mind some character or ship analysis once in a while from you or anyone, iverarelyfoundanypostslikethisandiwanttoscream

i stare at you with wide eyes before beaming a very convoluted buttonblossom analysis straight to your face

i guess most of my problems with the general interpretation of buttonblossom in the fandom is that it really doesn't take to mind that ragatha's selflessness is her fatal flaw . she's a people-pleaser . while i do love the content of her comforting pomni i do think about how it just makes pomni seem like another responsibility for her to take .

which - i'm not saying it's false by any means ! i like to think at first pomni was like that at first because i think it'll take her a lot of time to truly adapt to the circus . but she seems like the type that wants to give back . even though she jumps into decisions without thinking twice , she still cares about the people around her .

also also . i feel like how long they stayed in the circus is also full of potential for character exploration ? ragatha's been here the second longest - she's kind of seen it all at this point , and she's firm about there being no exit . while pomni's the newbie !! knowing she was human before is still fresh in her mind and she has just met these people

which is why i went with the idea of her being a bullshit detector . not just for ragatha but that'll be a topic for another day .

she's the least codependent on ragatha and is not too used to her Bullshittery ( repressing emotions and being dishonest in general ) . so she'll pick up on all of it . and by god she's going to take note of every single one of them . her anxiety's going to make her also worry for the rag doll ... they're worrying for each other

the problem is that . ragatha's Stupid . she can't allow herself to be vulnerable or god forbid Take A Break because everyone needs her !!!!! she can't just give up on them !!! she keeps all of her problems to herself because everyone is already dealing with a lot , she can't burden them with her own !!!! so of Course having possibly one of the most unstable performers try to offer support is making her want to pull her hair ou t

cue bad communication . ragatha tries to convince pomni that she's completely fine on her own , completely oblivious to her sense for bullshit . pomni constantly tries to reach out , and ragatha keeps slapping it away - until one day the jester just grips her wrist and pulls her in with a " YOU'RE A DUMBASS !!!!!!! " revelation ensues and then they sloppily make out after idk

of course this is all my personal interpretation ..... .. just my own take ....

#[ ooc ] #[ ESSAY WARNING ] #buttonblossom

[nrieh]

Deciphering Gale's Book (page 2)

I did not have much hopes for the second page of his book. Most of the main text is truly beyond recognition, even after brightness\contrast tweaks. It's like someone had forgotten to hide their extra layer before rendering, actually😅... but those big scribbles in "Ancient Thorass"?? I think I could actually read them. And..gods, it brings up some...interesting things. See for yourselves.

You can notice that T is nothing like what it looks like in the base font, but I just can't see what else can it possibly be. Real T symbol looks ugly in this font, so designer might have switched it just for the looks.. So, what do we have here? Some Latin magic, apparently.

Sapien - wisdom. proin - an dverb, something like "according to" or "hence" depending on the context. In pulvinar vox - the same thing is mirrored on the first page. It would roughly translate as "a word on the pillow/cushion". The 'word' can also possibly mean 'spell', as in 'word of power'. Now, to the bottom part. InTeger viTae placeraT... it shattered my heart into tiny pieces, and now it's your turn. In this form it means "He invests his entire life". And it might be totally random and unrelated... but I feel like it isn't... INTEGER VITAE is also happened to be a poem by Thomas Campion, which I stumbled across in attempts to revive my long-forgotten basics of Latin. I'll just...leave it here, I guess?..

The man of life upright,     Whose guiltless heart is free From all dishonest deeds,     Or thought of vanity;

The man whose silent days     In harmless joys are spent, Whom hopes cannot delude,     Nor sorrow discontent;

That man needs neither towers     Nor armour for defence, Nor secret vaults to fly     From thunder's violence:

He only can behold     With unaffrighted eyes The horrors of the deep     And terrors of the skies.

Thus, scorning all the cares     That fate or fortune brings, He makes the heaven his book,     His wisdom heavenly things;

Good thoughts his only friends,     His wealth a well-spent age, The earth his sober inn     And quiet pilgrimage.

There, you have it. I'm not sure I can untangle the background fonts, but if someone can AI-clear it up somehow, then I can give it another try (or share the fonts for the reference, I'm pretty sure that my version is very similar to the one used here).

ps: Would someone pass that to Tim, may be? Somehow, I think he's going to appreciate it. I'm not doing any of those social medias, because I'm that...asocial. 🤐

Link to page 1 for anyone, who had missed it.

#gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #bg3 #bg3 gale #baldur's gate 3

[otomefiend]

Alfons Sylvatica

Main route preview

It's happening fam!!

~~~

Alfons: "My flavour of evil is --- a happy illusion."

Alfons: "Now, forget everything you're afraid of... let's do something that feels good."

Alfons Sylvatica. Despite his gentlemanly demeanour, he exuded an air of immorality that was impossible to conceal.

He was like a nightmare.

~~~

Jude: "Huh? You've already been sampled? My condolences."

Kate: "Ugh, most certainly not!"

Alfons: "I'm hurt... does it mean you were just playing with me when we kissed so passionately...?"

Kate: "Gah... wasn't it you who was playing with me!?"

Liam: "Oh."

Harrison: "Ah."

Ellis: "You said it out loud."

Kate: "Hh ----!"

Alfons: "Heh, hahaha!"

Alfons: "Hah --- this is wonderful, Kate."

~~~

Kate: "Nn.... stop... ahh... nahhh..."

Alfons: "...oh, stop she says, don't make me so wet."

Alfons: "Did you hope for this when you followed me from the bar?"

Behind the pub, in the carriage, in the shower, in his room...

Day and night, intoxicated with sweet illusions and drowning in pleasure.

He eroded my everyday life, painting over my uneasiness during missions and my fear of the dark night.

~~~

Alfons: "Life is a tragedy. You need something to escape it, don't you agree?"

He was an outrageous, good-for-nothing, insolent and dishonest, pleasure seeking scoundrel.

And yet...

~~~

(It looks like he's smiling, so why does it feel like he's not smiling at all...)

Kate: "Is he really enjoying himself...?"

Roger: "Are you worried about Al, young miss?"

Kate: "Don't get carried away!"

Kate: "I-I'm not."

~~~

Alfons: "It's not getting carried away. It's just testing your sincerity."

(This guy...!)

Alfons: "Ahh... aren't you adorable."

~~~

I couldn't help but want to know the reason why he put on a blank smile and indulged in nightlife,

the genuine smile he sometimes showed, the phantom-like 'truth' of him I could sometimes feel at the end of my fingertips before it evaded me...

--- by the time I realised it, there was no going back.

I knew it would only hurt me.

~~~

Alfons: "Everyone dies."

Kate: "... you don't really care about protecting me here, do you?"

Alfons: "No, not really."

Alfons: "No matter when, where or why, isn't everything in life leading us to one and the same end?"

(Why does he live like that?)

~~~

Kate: "Why are you doing this...?"

Kate: "I just... wanted to love you..."

Alfons: "... because it's a nuisance, that's why."

~~~

As much as he tried to push me away, I couldn't deny my growing feelings.

The tragic ending that awaited him, the reason why he lived such a decadent life,

and the truth of his heart that he himself was unaware of.

Alfons: "... you truly are a fool, aren't you."

Alfons: "That's enough, I understand. I lose."

Alfons: "I'll give up on making you give up on me."

Kate: "...Alfons..."

Alfons: "Let's end this before the wound gets any deeper."

~~~

Time and time again, defeated by merciless reality,

A love that kept chasing him as he slipped through the fingertips like a phantom.

Was this going to end in a clichéd tragedy? Or...

~~~

Alfons: "You're truly a fool. You... and me both."

Alfons: "If you say so, then so be it."

Alfons: "At best, I'll drive you crazy and make you regret."

~~~

Mirror, mirror, don't give me convenient dreams.

Tell me your truth.

Before this love... becomes an illusion.

~~~

#ikevil #ikemen villains #alfons sylvatica #ikevil alfons #ikevil main route preview

[fuckyeahizzyhands]

COLLIDER: I'm so glad that we finally got the chance to touch base about the show.

CON O’NEILL: Yeah. It's been really uncomfortable not being able to talk about it.

COLLIDER: Izzy, as a character, really goes on a beautiful, poignant journey this season. In the beginning, Ed is Blackbeard and back to the old lifestyle of raiding and pillaging ships, but it feels like something's off. Izzy has what he wanted back, but at what cost? What was your take on that — reverting to the way that things used to be, but, obviously, there's been a shift, and things aren't quite the same?

O’NEILL: It goes back to how it used to be, but Ed’s broken, and that's the difference. Before Stede appeared, Izzy and Blackbeard worked as a unit really, really well because they were both on the same page. When Stede breaks Blackbeard's heart, Izzy and Blackbeard aren't on the same page. Basically, Izzy’s looking at a man that he loves falling apart, and all the joy is gone — not just from Blackbeard, but from piracy. He can see Ed's decline, he can see the decline in his crew, which is fundamentally really, really the most important thing to him. He can feel his own heart breaking, because he's seeing the devastating impact of his actions. So, it's a pretty bleak start to a season, but we do have fabulous make-up.

COLLIDER: It does feel bleak, especially for Izzy at times, who goes through the amputation and has to adjust to a new normal of not being able to get around the way that he used to. But it's also an opportunity to see the changing dynamic with the crew. I was really touched by the moment when they built [Izzy] a new leg. It's moving on an emotional level, but it's also proof of how far this group has come. Was it nicer to be able to play those moments of camaraderie instead of being at odds all the time?

O’NEILL: What's interesting, though, is the love for Izzy to his crew and the crew to Izzy, it's always been there. It's just not being presented in this way. The giving of the leg, I believe, is the first time in his life where he's actually had an emotional connection that he wasn't able to control. That act of kindness overwhelms it. But he's still a pirate, and the leg ultimately allows him to be a pirate again. He does change his attitude towards his crew after the new leg and after the unicorn statement, but it's also about how to navigate the new crew as the first mate. And that's the beauty of what David's written. It's not suddenly he's this new guy. He's still a bit of a dick, but he's their dick, as Vico says.

It's a beautiful human version of the story that could have been really sentimental, and I don't think we go there. He doesn't suddenly become everyone's mate. That was never going to happen. That would have been dishonest. But he just has a need for them more because he's not as physically able as he used to be, and with that comes an understanding of them. The way he deals with Lucius is very specific in that he can't give Lucius love and understanding without calling him a twat — because that's who Izzy is, but he does give him love and understanding — and that's down to David and David's choices. Remember, this is a comedy. He's done all this in a comedy. That's really profound that we're going on these routes of human stories in what is essentially a comedy.

COLLIDER: One that really stuck out to me was Izzy singing in the “Calypso's Birthday” episode, especially because it plays as a backdrop to some pretty significant moments. I wanted to ask you about the preparation process behind performing that song. Did you have to record it and also do it live on-set?

O’NEILL: I got an email from David a third of the way through the shoot asking me if I knew “La vie en rose,” which, of course, I knew, but only as I'd heard it. I was actually in Wellington filming a different show because I did a different show for a week, and I just got this message. We were just gonna sing the English version because we didn't have the rights to the French version, and I don't speak any French at all. Nothing. Zilch. And then I got the phone call. Would I be able to learn it in French? So I did. I called a lot of people, and a lot of people who say they speak French don't. But my partner does, and I have a friend who just played Piaf. So, between the two of them, they gave me an understanding of the French.

We recorded both versions, and I lip-synced to the English version first before the scene with Ned. I thought we were just gonna do a little bit of the French version for the end of the episode. I had no understanding that it was gonna play out the episode. I’m thrilled that it does, but it was terrifying. Every minute of that, from the recording of it to the lip-syncing it to the filming it, was terrifying. I haven't sung in public for 20 years. But it felt right, and it felt like the absolute right choice of song. It felt like the absolute right choice of language. I didn't want him to be too French, I just wanted him to be able to because Izzy speaks bits of every language, as most pirates would. I thought it was audacious. I thought it was moving. I thought, again, it shied away from sentimental. And I’m just in awe of how David's brain works. If you would have asked me prior to doing it which song Izzy would sing, I'd never have thought “La vie en rose,” and now I can't think of a song that's more appropriate for Izzy.

COLLIDER: I talked to David, as well, about the scene of Izzy talking about piracy in the finale, and he said it's kind of like Izzy giving his own eulogy, in a way, before what happens next. That scene where Taika is holding you feels significant for the show — not just in terms of the weight and impact, but because so much of the cast is there, and it really feels like a moment of family getting to be together. Even if it's mostly an exchange between Izzy and Ed, everyone's there to send him off. I would love to hear about the experience of filming that on the day.

O’NEILL: David sent me the scene a few weeks prior, and the date was set to film it, which was gonna be in the last week of filming. It was early on in the last week, and then it was in the middle of the last week, and then it was scheduled for the morning of the last day. Then, suddenly, it became the last thing we were gonna ever film in Season 2.

Those things aren't easy. They're quite difficult because no matter how you think about it in your head, it's not gonna play that way. We were on a set, we were on the ship, there were hundreds of crew, there was the whole cast, they were setting up the shot. It was busy. David, bless him, played a playlist to help us all get in the mood, but it's just a cacophony of noise and busyness, and we’re getting towards the end of the day.

Suddenly, it was just me and Taika. Suddenly, all the noise disappeared, and suddenly, all the process of filming a scene disappeared, and it was just me and him. And Taika is a wonderful actor. Everyone talks about his writing and his directing, and this and that. Taika is a beautiful actor to play opposite. And in that moment, we just got to say goodbye to a character that we both loved. You never get a death scene that's going to get all those boxes, but for me, it was never about what Izzy said. It was about Izzy being vulnerable enough and brave enough to say, “Sit with me.” It was about Izzy being allowed to be held in the last moments of his life. That's all I remember about the day. I’m very proud of it.

COLLIDER: I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me about the show. It's been great to finally get to reconnect with the cast and to really get to talk about Season 2.

O’NEILL: Oh, it’s my pleasure. It’s my pleasure.

COLLIDER: I’ve enjoyed your performance so much these last two seasons, and who knows? Maybe we'll see Izzy's ghost pop up in Season 3.

O’NEILL: Who knows?

COLLIDER: You can't predict anything with this show.

O’NEILL: No, none of us can, and none of us know. Literally, we are all in the dark, all of us, David included. None of us knows what's gonna happen. David always wanted three seasons, and I think this story should be allowed to run its course. I would say that because I'm involved, but even if Izzy isn't involved in Season 3, I would be heartbroken for the show if it didn’t get to conclude, because it's an important show.

#our flag means death spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd #con o'neill #izzy #izzy hands #con interview #interview #2ep8 #ofmd spoilers #season 3

[yanderes-galore]

Hii!! Could I get Hiccup haddock with your prompts 2, 28, and 33?

These prompts so so interesting because it implies a more manipulative/dishonest Yandere Hiccup... which I plan to have fun writing >:) I have this set to female darling in my notes so I guess I'll just go with it, lol?

Yandere! Hiccup Prompts 2, 28, 33

"It's an honor for someone such as me to take you in and love you!"

"Do you know how hard it is to wear a facade? Just to get people to like you?"

"You ever think of our future children like I do?"

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, MATURE THEMES (but nothing too graphic) Takes place after HTTYD 2, Obsession, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Deceptive Hiccup, Threats implied, Mentions of baby fever, Hiccup wants kids, Strange displays of affection, You're both married, Implications of mature themes, Some graphic kissing/biting I guess, Dubious relationship.

You had a feeling Hiccup wasn't being honest with you. Before you got married he was kind and polite. He cared for you and acted like a partner should.

You were happy to accept his marriage proposal.

Then you started to notice certain behavior from him after all the vows were said and done. Hiccup changed once you were married. Once you were his wife... you thought you didn't recognize your husband.

He was still gentle and kind around you, all smiles and kisses. But soon an uncharacteristic possessive behavior began to brew within him. You could see it in his clouded eyes.

It was easy for Hiccup to intimidate those around him. As Berk's Chief with a loyal Night Fury, safe to say most back off from you with one glare. Hiccup never used to be so threatening before you married.

Yet now you catch his facade slipping at times, revealing a darker attitude underneath his usual one.

Has he lied to you this entire time? Has he lied to everyone this entire time?

You thought you could tolerate it. Maybe he's just stressed due to his new role of chief? Then the yearning for children started.

You notice his touches often drift to your stomach. He leans himself against you and kneads the flesh of your stomach softly while kissing you. You could tell these were all hints.

If you didn't understand it before, he outright told you as you were getting ready for bed tonight.

"Hey..." He whispers to you as you prepare yourself to sleep. "You ever think of our future children like I do?"

The question was expected but still managed to catch you off guard. You glance at your husband for a moment, unsure what to say. Eventually you sigh, you don't trust this new side of Hiccup.

"I don't think we're ready to be parents." You admit, Hiccup going silent at your words for a moment. It's as if he wasn't expecting you to decline.

"What do you mean? Of course we're ready! We're at a good age, I'm chief of Berk... what's making you have second thoughts?" Hiccup asks, standing up from the shared bed.

"It scares me that you haven't noticed." You admit, turning to face the man you once married so willingly. "You've changed, Hiccup."

"Changed?" The viking questions before chuckling softly. "Oh, you poor dear..."

Hiccup's tone takes a noticeable shift. You take note of the darker tone and go to say something, but instead Hiccup wraps his arms around you. You're pulled against his chest, his lips ghosting your ear.

"Do you know how hard it is to wear a facade? Just to get people to like you?" Hiccup whispers in your ear, grip tightening. "I'm tired of playing nice when my wife is having other men talk to her."

He kisses your cheek softly, but you notice his lips travel lower over time. Your breathing picks up, you can't tell if it's due to fear... or if you like what he's doing. This definitely wasn't the Hiccup you knew...

"It's an honor for someone such as me to take you in and love you..." Hiccup continues, nipping your skin occasionally. "I chose you to be my wife, to watch over Berk by my side...."

He pulls down your collar ever so slightly, before shifting his attention to your lips. He adores the blush on your face. Maybe you did like this?

"So why should my wife need to worry about other men? Who cares what happens to them...." Hiccup whispers, kissing your lips deeply. You kiss him back, not noticing Hiccup lead you to your shared bed.

By the time Hiccup pulls away, you're both out of breath and in bed. Hiccup smiles towards you, holding your chin before positioning you into a laying position.

"So what do you say?" Hiccup whispers, kissing you softly.

"Shouldn't we try for children? We'll make great parents."

#yandere how to train your dragon #yandere httyd #yandere hiccup horrendous haddock #yandere hiccup haddock

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

This is like.... The peak of the toxic zutara everyone talks about like it's too cliche to be real.

• Username : oedipus kataang

• a ZK complaining about kataang having rape fics like- need i say more?

• Saying shippers only care about her if she births aang's babies

Like nichya, this was literally handcrafted for you to roast lmao.

Okay, SO MUCH incorrect stuff.

For starters, not only is Kataang not a mom/son ship, Katara doesn't see herself as his mother, and he doesn't think of her as his mom (and no, him acknowledging she has motherly traits/is the "mom friend" is not the same as thinking of her as a genuine parental figure in his life) so it makes no sense to pretend there's an Oedipus Complex going on.

That claim also ignores that the Oedipus Complex isn't just about excessive attachment (not necessarely attraction) towards the mom, but also a TON of rage towards the father, which leads to, worsens or causes them to compete for the mom. Aang's father figure is Gyatso, who never met Katara and would NEVER make her a "co-parent" since the main thing we're told about him is that he thinks kids should be allowed to act like kids.

(Sidenote: Poor Oedipus, man. He fled his home to AVOID killing his dad and marrying his mom - that he didn't know had adopted him. And in doing that set the prophecy in motion because HE DIDN'T KNOW the guy he killed was his dad and the woman he fell for was his mom. Oedipus did not have an Oedipus Complex so it's a REALLY stupid name and that legit angers my autistic brain to insane degrees).

For the "Kataang has rape fics" COME ON, Zutara only exists because of non-con smut, and two of the most popular tropes in Zutara fics are Katara being forced into an arragend marriage with Zuko so the Fire Nation has claim to the Southern Water Tribe or flat out being his slave. This isn't even just the pot calling the kettle black, this the pot calling a fluffy white cloud black.

(Sidenote 2: those tropes are fine by the way, as long as the writer isn't under the delusion that it'd be okay in real life, or has the balls to criticize other people for also being kinky)

And again, THE IRONY of zutarians insisting Kataang fans only care about her giving Aang airbender babies, when Zutarians are infamous for disregarding EVERYTHING about Katara's character that doesn't connect to Zuko (see them trying to make bloodbending her whole personality just because she used in the Southern Raiders, trying to claim her feeling empathy for that Fire Nation village means she wants to LIVE in the Fire Nation, refusing to accept she doesn't want to be queen especially not of the nation that destroyed hers, etc).

Also I NEVER saw a Kataang fan hate on Katara for rejecting Aang. I'm not saying it never happened (god knows this fandom has all kinds of hateful people in it) but to pretend it's some wide-spread problem is ridiculous and dishonest.

#anti zutara #pro kataang

[happilyhertale]

Long Lost Love - Aemond Targaryen x female!reader, Part 12

Summary: You are the daughter of Daemon and Rhaenyra. When the invitation to Aegon and Helaena's wedding came, your entire family rushes from Dragonstone to King's Landing to take part in the festivities. You haven't seen your family in King's Landing for 6 years so you are very excited...

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

Warnings: At the beginning none – eventually smut (uncle/niece)

Author’s note: Hello you! (:

This is my first fic so please be nice (: I thought I'd just try a little self-considered story. I hope u like it.

The events are not entirely similar from the series.

English is my second language, please forgive me if I made any mistakes (:

18+ NSFW

Word count: 4k

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7a, Part 7b, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You're speechless.

He stands before you and holds out his hand to you.

Aemond wants to dance with you.

You don't seem to move at first, for some reason you can't move at all. Until Daemon nudges you lightly and barely noticeably with his elbow. He grins slightly without taking his eyes off the goblet he brings to his mouth.

Back in reality, you reach for his hand as if of your own accord. Immediately you feel a fire go through your whole body.

He holds your hand firmly, yet gently in his. He smiles shyly at you and leads you around the table, straight into the crowd. You are still speechless and cannot take your eyes off him.

Aemond dares to stand in the crowd with you, to embrace you and want to dance with you. Ever since he reached out to you, you feel like all the eyes in the hall are on you. You have never seen Aemond so willing to attract the public's attention.

He puts his hand on your waist and presses you tightly against him, his other hand holds your hand up. You put your hand on his shoulder.

You look him in the eye. He visibly swallows. As the music starts, Aemond leads you across the dance floor without a hitch. Every step is on point and you are almost impressed. You feel your body heat up as he guides you across the ball floor. You are lost in his beautiful purple eye and take in his scent. His scent, which you've been missing for days. And yet it seems that none of you dares to speak first.

Until he seeks your gaze with his eye, "Y/N I'm.. so sorry. I'm ashamed... I am ashamed that I made you feel that I was dishonest with you."

He sighs and his gaze flits briefly to the crowd, "That you had to see that kiss... I'm disgusted with myself."

You look at him, tears welling up in your eyes, he continues, "I assure you I pushed her away. Too late… Yes. But I pushed her away." His gaze is firmly fixed on you again.

"You... You pushed her away?", you whisper. He nods at you.

"Alys means nothing to me anymore. There was a time when she was close to me. But… she was never as close to me as you are. Since I found out weeks ago that you were coming here, my thoughts have… have only been about you. My wish to see you again... After all this time. I could think of nothing else but wanting to be close to you again."

You slide even closer to his body as you dance. He holds you close and looks at you gently.

"Yesterday, when I saw how close you were to the Stark Lord... I'm sorry, I couldn't bear it. I had to do something. I wanted to talk to you, but when you stood in front of me, almost crying... I couldn't say anything... I just wanted to hold you in my arms, but I couldn't."

Barely perceptible, he wipes away a tear running down your cheek with his hand.

"And… I haven't slept with you yet because it's important to me that it's perfect for you. Don't get me wrong... I want to make love to you. Oh, only the gods can guess how much I long to sleep with you. But I don't want to sleep with you out of temptation..." you interrupt him, "I don't want a perfect moment, Aemond... I want you."

You almost whisper the end.

He looks at you and barely noticeably shakes his head, "Y/N you don't know what that means. This moment is so important. For a woman even more than for a man. My important moment was in a brothel and it marks me to this day... and not in any positive way... " and again you interrupt him " Aemond... you are my perfect moment. No matter what the situation. With you... it's perfect. I trust you..."

He pauses for a moment. He must smile slightly. He leans lightly towards you and whispers in your ear, "You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now."

You return his slight smile, "Then… just do it", you breathe.

He laughs briefly, "Oh, you really will be the death of me."

You lean against him, your face in the crook of his neck. You inhale his scent. How much you miss this... To be safe in Aemond's arms. Inhaling his unique scent.

Aemond can't help himself either and leans the side of his face carefully against your head.

You don't care what anyone else would say. You have had to do without his touch for too long.

After you have enjoyed your closeness for a while, you ask, "You can dance?"

He chuckles briefly, "Of course I can dance, I'm a prince after all. Just because I don't want to, doesn't mean I can't."

In response you press your face further into the crook of his neck.

"And furthermore, I didn't know any other way to help myself... I had to talk to the princess and… I had no other chance to get close to her...", he whispers softly in your ear.

You remove your face from his neck and look at him.

You have to smile slightly, "Aemond... Let's leave this stupid ball."

He looks at you, "Do I dance that badly?"

You have to laugh, "No. But I want to be alone with you... I've missed you."

He looks almost heartbroken as he finally nods.

He stops leading you across the dance floor and extends his arm to you. You are overjoyed to accept his invitation. As you take his arm, you lean close to his side.

As he leads you out of the hall, there are still a few pairs of eyes on you. Whether because you were dancing or because you were far too close to each other, you don't know.

But you couldn't care less.

Daemon's gaze meets Viserys'. Viserys nods at his brother with a smile and Daemon knows what that means.

He too has noticed how close you were. How much you enjoyed dancing close together.

Daemon has always known that you would have to wed someone someday. But still it pains him. It would be foolish to ignore any longer that you were likely to wed Aemond. What you feel for each other is probably more than a childhood love.

He leans towards Rhaenyra with a sigh and she looks at him, "I think we should prepare for our daughter to come to us soon with a request."

She looks at him questioningly, "What do you mean? Aemond?"

Daemon nods at her. Rhaenyra doesn't look happy, more worried.

Daemon gently takes her hand, "You know, there was nothing our daughter could do about it."

Rhaenyra looks at him.

"She's fallen for her uncle", Daemon smiles at her.

Rhaenyra has to suppress a smile.

"I am afraid for her. I'm not sure he's good for her."

Daemon sighs, "Who would have thought I'd be good for you? Try to look at it this way, the only good swordsman of the Targaryens, besides me of course, will consider it his life's work to protect our daughter."

She looks unconvinced, "Y/N is quite capable of protecting herself."

Daemon kisses her hand, "I am aware of that... But a capable man by her side, that can't hurt. I also think he's different with her. Almost tenderly... hopefully. And I trust her enough not to wed a tyrant."

"Let's hope so", Rhaenyra smiles slightly at Daemon.

After a short while she says to him, "I hope you realise that if he treats her badly, that I'll send you to him?“

He looks at her, one eyebrow raised, "I hope you are aware that I am on my way long before you can even send me."

Rhaenyra kisses Daemon gently.

Aemond has never led you anywhere so quickly.

He opens the door to his chambers and leads you inside. You stand in the middle of his chambers and look at each other. He swallows and reaches out for your hand. He holds it and strokes it gently with his thumb, with his other arm he embraces you. He simply holds you in his arms. You put your arms around his neck, hold yourself tightly against him. A tear leaves your eye. Not out of sadness, but rather out of the relieving feeling of being in his arms. You press your face into the crook of his neck again. A light sob escapes you as you inhale his scent. He just holds you and gently strokes your back.

"I'm so sorry Y/N...", he whispers in your ear. When he notices you sobbing again. Carefully taking your head from his shoulder, he holds your face in his hands and gently strokes away the tears, "No, my Love, please don't cry..."

You sob again, "... I... I thought I would never be here again... In your chambers... Just in your arms..."

He interrupts you with a gentle kiss. He leans his forehead against yours, "I would never have let you go..."

You just nod slightly.

"Come...", carefully he leads you to the bench in front of the fire.

You sit in front of the fire, he holds you tightly in his arms and gently caresses your arm.

Absently he looks into the fire.

You watch him discreetly... You have missed him. His beautiful face. These few days without him were hard for you to bear.

"It's rude to stare," you suddenly hear him say.

You bury your face in his shoulder and he chuckles lightly.

In time, you begin to caress his thigh. You draw light circles on his firm thighs with your fingers. You become more curious... Carefully, you let your fingers slide a little further upwards, still stroking him gently.

Slowly he turns his gaze away from the fire and looks at you from the side. But you do not return his gaze. You continue stroking until you are almost at his crotch. Your heart begins to pound harder and the thought of what you are about to touch makes you bite your lip.

"What are you up to?" he whispers in your ear.

Quietly you reply, "I... I want to do something good for you. You've only given me nice moments so far... beautiful feelings. I want to give you that too."

"Y/N, that was at least as nice for me... To be the first man to give you these feelings."

Nevertheless, you notice how the bulge in his crotch is getting bigger.

You look at him, "I want to be able to experience when you have such… beautiful feelings". He chuckles, gently strokes your cheek and kisses you passionately.

After a while you break the kiss. Unsure how to do it... what to do at all, you bite your lip.

"I'll show you what to do?" he asks you softly.

You nod slowly.

He kisses you again and carefully takes your hand, placing it right on his crotch.

A breath escapes your lips as you feel him. He is already hard. You look at him, he smirks.

He kisses you again and starts to move your hand on his crotch. Slowly you massage his length. You notice how his breathing quickens.

Aemond takes his hand off yours and starts to undo his belt. You continue to massage him, but interrupt the kiss. You want to see him.

He sits up for a moment and pulls his trousers down to the back of his knees. When he leans back again, you see him for the first time.

Unconsciously you swallow and bite your lip. Aemond caresses your cheek and pulls your chin up, he kisses you again. Between kisses he breathes, "Go on, touch him."

You look at him, a little unsure. But you dare, slowly you close your hand around his hard length.

He gasps briefly and closes his eyes. He puts his hand on yours and guides it. Slowly he lets it slide up and down. He squeezes a little harder and tells you, "You can press harder". You follow his lead. As you let your hand wander down his hot length, you notice him getting even bigger and harder.

He begins to moan and lets your hands slide up and down faster. This deep moan sends a wave of arousal through you. You feel yourself getting wet and you press your thighs together to at least try to get some satisfaction.

You take the lead and let your hand slide along him on its own. He groans again and reaches out with his hands beside him. He squeezes your knee, which is lying next to him on the bench. You can't help but kiss him. Greedily he kisses you back. The sounds of your kisses and moans fill his chambers.

Suddenly you notice your fingers getting a little wet. You look down and see little drops coming out of him. A light, clear liquid spreads over your fingers and his hard, pulsating length.

At this sight, the feeling rises in you that you must have more. You look up at him for a moment, his head leaning back, his eye closed. His breathing is rapid and interrupted by moans. He is so beautiful.

"I want to taste you," it escapes you.

He looks up, out of breath. His eye is dark, full of lust. He kisses you passionately.

"Just before I'm done... Then you can taste me...", he replies out of breath.

You look a little irritated, but you nod slowly.

Not for a second did you stop your movement. Aemond puts his head back again.

You look down again and something else occurs to you.

Carefully you slide down to the floor and push his legs a little apart. He looks down at you and gasps, "What are you doing?"

Sitting on your knees between his legs, you look at him, don't answer and just smirk slightly.

Your hand closes around him and you begin to slide it up and down his full length again. A deep grumble arises inside him and he watches you, full of lust.

Slowly you lean forward and you let your tongue wander along his shaft. Aemond moans loudly. When you reach the top, you surround the shaft with your lips and suck gently on it. He hisses, "Oh seven hells..., Y/N!"

With a "plop" you let him slide out, breathing heavily. You look at him, "You have to show me..." he just nods.

He leans in for a moment and kisses you. He lets himself fall back, strokes your cheek lightly with one hand. His hand wanders gently to the back of your head and presses it down lightly.

"Be careful with your teeth. Wrap your lips over your teeth," he whispers.

Your mouth closes around his cock, carefully he pushes your head down and up again. Delicately you let your lips glide over his length. This feeling makes the arousal between your legs flare up even more. You moan out.

Aemond responds with a twitch that travels once through his cock.

He whispers, "Take him... as far... into your mouth... as you can manage. Use...your hand...to help."

You try to take him all the way into your mouth, but he is too big. You gag for a moment, but you don't stop. And again you feel him twitch.

With one hand you grab the part of the length that doesn't fit in your mouth and you start stroking him. You squeeze him lightly and Aemond moans.

He lightly thrusts his hips rhythmically towards you. His hips tremble slightly as he controls the urge to rut into your throat.

A load of wetness leaks out of you and it would be a pure miracle if you didn't already have your underwear completely soaked. With rhythmic movements you try to satisfy your arousal. His breath is getting faster and faster, you can't help but moan again.

You let your mouth slide up and down faster. In your mouth you feel his length growing even bigger and you taste him a little.

You love it.

He carefully takes your free hand and guides it to his balls, he almost whispers between his gasps, "Squeeze them gently."

You follow his instruction. Tenderly you let your fingers wander over his balls, squeezing gently as you suck greedily on his cock. "You look so…  beautiful with my cock in your mouth," he whispers breathlessly.

His cock twitches more and more and the grumbling deep in his chest doesn't let up.

His hand first glides gently through your hair until he suddenly grabs hold of you and holds you tightly while his cock disappears almost completely into your mouth. This sight makes him come almost immediately. "Fuck, Fuck... Fuck! Y/N, take him all the way in your mouth... oh Fuuck, take all of me."

Suddenly he grips your hair tighter, his other hand claws into the sofa and you notice a violent twitch go through his balls and cock. You increase the tempo once more and suck eagerly on his cock. Aemond grips your hair even tighter as he inhales sharply, a moan caught in his throat.

His thighs tremble slightly. "In a moment... there will be a liquid in your mouth... swallow what you can..."

Then he moans loudly and your name passes his lips countless times.

With one last thrust from his hip, Aemond squirts his hot cum into your mouth, right down your throat. You have a large amount of liquid in your mouth and you try to swallow it all down. A little liquid runs down your lips, but you don't stop sucking and swallowing until you notice Aemond's grip on your hair loosening.

Slowly you lift your head up and wipe your lips with your hand.

Aemond's head is leaning back, his eye is closed. He gasps to himself, but he smiles.

You look at him for a moment. You have to smile. Carefully you stand up and then straddle his waist. He looks up and smiles at you, his hands find their way to your hips, he caresses you. You kiss each other gently.

"You taste delicious", you say with a smile on your lips.

He laughs briefly.

You kiss him again.

The next morning you wake up in your chambers. Aemond has spent the night in his chambers. You thought it wiser not to spend the night together, as the servants would come early in the morning to fetch your luggage. So that the carriages can be loaded for the hunt.

However, he did not miss the opportunity to accompany you to your chambers and kiss you passionately goodbye as well as gently caress your cheek.

You have to smile at the thought of your last evening. To feel him... and tasting... it was indescribably beautiful.

The heaviness of the last few days that lay on your chest has almost disappeared. You were hurt and yet missed Aemond at the same time. You are still not comfortable with Alys presence at court. You would prefer it if she would just leave.

But now Aemond is by your side again. You know how he feels about Alys and that nothing happened between them. At least not in the last few days... and apart from that kiss... You push the thought aside.

And again, you have to think of all the accidents that can happen during a hunt in the forest, and that makes the feeling of Alys presence a little more bearable.

Yet he went to the effort of dancing with you in public and explaining himself.... You're glad he reached out to you. And that your father talked to you. Almost stood up for Aemond...

You are jolted out of your thoughts when there is a knock at your door

"Yes?" you call out.

The door opens and four servants step inside. They curtsey slightly and the one speaks to you "Princess Y/N, we are to fetch your clothes and other things to load them into the carriages."

You slowly sit up in bed, "Yes, that's fine. There are two boxes next to the door. Please take them and load them."

The servants curtsey again and take the boxes. After you have bathed and dressed, you go to breakfast.

Your family is already gathered and light conversation fills the hall. Aemond is also at the table and your eyes meet.

You have to smile and bite your lower lip lightly. Even as you look away, Aemond is still looking at you with a smile.

Daemon notices and looks at you with a raised eyebrow as you sit down next to him. You kiss his cheek lightly, followed by a quiet "Daddy."

After a few more glances between you and Aemond, Daemon decides to tease you.

He looks at you from the side and turns to the family, "Did everyone have a restful sleep?"

You look at him confused. Even your mother looks at him irritated, "Since when do you care whether your fellow men have slept well?"

He shrugs slightly, "I don't know, I was walking along the corridor leading to the princes' chambers last night and heard unusual noises. So I was worried that not everyone had had a relaxing night's rest."

You choke slightly and have to cough, your gaze goes forward to Aemond. His eye is wide open, but he quickly regains his composure and looks unimpressed.

You look at your father, who smiles at you.

He wasn't near the chambers last night, why should he be? But he wanted to know if you were there. Just as you are about to answer, you hear Aemond's voice.

"Thank you for asking uncle, but don't worry, I really was able to sleep very relaxed."

Everyone at the table is now looking in Aemond's direction. No one says anything. Aegon even looks relatively amused and drinks his wine with relish. There is far too much surprise that Aemond and Daemon are talking to each other.

Daemon has to suppress a chuckle and replies, "Yes, I can imagine that only too well."

You look down at your plate and try to finish your breakfast as quickly as possible.

While standing in the courtyard, you watch absently as the carriages are loaded.

Your brothers look forward to the hunt. Your father does the same and looks forward to the wine.

Drinking wine, riding through the woods and killing animals. Except for the wine drinking, it doesn't sound very enticing to you.

Suddenly you hear a soft "My Love" in your ear. You turn around and see Aemond. You blush slightly, without knowing exactly why. Aemond has to smile in response.

You stand close together, "You'll come hunting as well?"

He nods slightly, "Of course. I am the king's son. My brother and sister are to be celebrated with this hunt... And I can't leave you alone in the wilderness after all." He smiles at you. Oh how you missed that smile.

"Well, she's not all alone, I'm still here too."

Aemond's jaw stiffens and as you look over Aemond's shoulder you see Rob.

"Rob," you smile at him. He smiles back and winks at you.

"Mmm, that's right. There are still dogs needed for the hunt", Aemond turns slowly in Rob's direction, his hand resting on your lower back. You whisper warningly to him, "Aemond..."

Rob chuckles slightly, "That's all right. After all, women like to bring the dogs to bed with them at night. That keeps them... warm".

You notice how Aemond stiffens. You also notice how the whole situation recharges.

"Rob? I'll see you later, yeah?", Rob smiles and gives you a quick nod.

You take Aemond by the arm and lead him away.

You stop in front of the royal carriages, the first ones already boarding them.

Aemond caresses your cheek.

You lean into the touch, "I don't like that we can't travel together."

He chuckles softly, "I'll see you when we arrive."

You nod at him. Aemond's gaze wanders briefly and no one seems to be looking, he takes your hand and gently kisses the inside of your wrist. You smile.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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[dukeofankh]

The idea that men having unrealistic beauty standards for women comes from them watching pornography has always struck me as like, laughably and obviously wrong. That's...where I honestly saw the most representation and celebration of "unconventional" beauty? And not in a "everyone is beautiful" positivity post way, with raw, unfiltered, honest hunger for things men are assumed to find repulsive. When I met women with saggy breasts irl I wasn't like "oh no! What's wrong with them? They're not supposed to be affected by gravity..." I was like, "Oh dope, these are some of my favourite kinds of tits".

Some people can get into bubbles, sure. But it's not a porn issue. You honestly don't have to look that far. There is a media industry built entirely off of dangerously dishonest representations of women's bodies... it's just the regular fucking film industry.

Let's say I wanna see a legit, actual fat woman being the centre of attention, and being portrayed as devastatingly attractive. Please, by all means, what Hollywood films should I watch? You might come up with a few examples, maybe. But I listen when my fat friends talk, I know how shit rep is for fat women. Can I go to the theatre and be more confident than a coin flip's chance that the movie I see will even acknowledge or portray the existence of fat women? Because I can find thousands of examples of that in porn in seconds. It's an entire fucking genre. The dudes that you presume have a monolithic and universal hatred of rolls of fat have a pretty sizeable wing that will honestly get fucking apoplectic in the comments if someone is described as fat who's merely chubby.

Can you honestly, with a straight fucking face, tell me that I can go to the theatre right now, pick a random movie, and be at all likely to see a movie with a woman with even one (1) hair on her body below her eyebrows? There is plenty of porn with totally hairless women, some of which is super fuckin gross about it, sure. But like, doesn't matter how "gritty and realistic" a movie is, I'm more likely to see a corpse than an armpit hair in a movie theatre. By comparison, there are legit mainstream porn performers who do regular, mainstream scenes with a bush, hairy armpits, all of it. It's not uncommon. It's not hard to find. And it's...the point? It's hot? It's not just fine, it's not there to demonstrate how artistic the movie is being, it's hot.

There is definitely tons of porn built around showing the most conventionally attractive women possible, but proportionally, compared to mainstream films, porn has way more varied body representation. You take two guys, lock them in a room, and show one nothing but Hollywood movies and the other nothing but porn, one of those guys would react with surprise/horror when presented with an average naked woman, and it's not the one who's been watching porn. Like, porn is about wanting to fuck people. Wanting to fuck all sorts of people. In order to do that, you kinda have to...show all sorts of people? If you want to make porn about, "Hey, what if you could have sex with that fat mom" or "what if your sisters chubby goth friend wanted to sit her totally untrimmed bush right on your face," a porn studio is just gonna...get someone who fits that body type. They're not gonna rewrite her as someone thin or put her in a fatsuit. And there's sizeable genres built entirely around body types that are basically banned from existing as anything more than a joke or a tragedy in mainstream film.

Where does that leave us? Do you have to love porn now? Include it in your next moodboard about positive representation? No. I understand why that level of sexualization and fetishization isn't actually comfortable for plenty of people. I'm not trying to convince you that it's good.

I'm trying to tell you that even if you have really negative feelings about gross dudes or the porn industry in general, our fucked up beauty standards for women have so much more to do with mainstream cinema than they ever have, or ever will have, to do with porn.

#me writing stuff

[wordsinhaled]

i’m gonna be so normal about this for just a second, okay? bear with me—it's a long post but i promise it's worth it

first of all aziraphale and sondheim kills me a little (or a lot)… because like, aziraphale and dissonance? right? yes?

aziraphale is all about dissonance. the dissonance between what he's supposed to be / expected to be and what he really is; between how he would like others to perceive him and who he truly is on the inside. the dissonance between being being a warrior and a hedonist. between being an angel and wanting to indulge, wanting to experience earthly pleasure. the dissonance between being good and being a little bit of a bastard. the dissonance between heaven being the side of truth and aziraphale's being very earnestly dishonest quite a lot of the time. the dissonance between being both soft and rigid in how he creates dichotomies between good and evil/heaven and hell/himself and crowley (when in the end, crowley's the soft one, and aziraphale's the ruthless one)

so there's that. [insert john mulaney "we don't have time to unpack all of that" gif] and then there's also the songs themselves in this specific musical, augh

i mean... aziraphale loves the musical where an artist gets so engrossed in his own purpose and vision that his lover who keeps trying to get him to Live Life gets fed up and asks for declarations? okay, michael sheen. once again... drop your location... i just wanna talk

"Sunday"? “Move On”... and then “We Do Not Belong Together”???

y'all. i'm so normal. so very normal because fucking Sunday in the Park With Crowley

Sunday By the blue Purple yellow red water On the green Purple yellow red grass Let us pass Through our perfect park Pausing on a Sunday By the cool Blue triangular water On the soft Green elliptical grass As we pass Through arrangements of shadows Towards the verticals of trees Forever...

[GEORGE] I've nothing to say [DOT, spoken] You have many things [GEORGE] Well, nothing that's not been said [DOT] Said by you, though, George [GEORGE] I do not know where to go [DOT] And nor did I [GEORGE] I want to make things that count Things that will be new [DOT] I did what I had to do [GEORGE] What am I to do? [DOT] Move on Stop worrying where you're going Move on If you can know where you're going You've gone Just keep moving on I chose and my world was shaken So what? The choice may have been mistaken The choosing was not

[GEORGE] And the color of your hair And the way you catch the light And the care And the feeling And the life Moving on [DOT] We've always belonged Together [GEORGE & DOT] We will always belong Together

[DOT] What you care for is yourself [GEORGE, spoken] I care for this painting. You will be in this painting.  [DOT] I am something you can use [GEORGE] I had thought you understood [DOT] It's because I understand that I left That I am leaving [GEORGE] Then there's nothing I can say Is there? [DOT] Yes. George, there is: You could tell me not to go Say it to me Tell me not to go Tell me that you're hurt Tell me you're relieved Tell me that you're bored— Anything, but don't assume I know Tell me what you feel! [GEORGE] What I feel? You know exactly how I feel Why do you insist You must hear the words When you know I cannot give you words? Not the ones you need [DOT] What do you want, George? [GEORGE] I needed you and you left [DOT] There was no room for me— [GEORGE] You will not accept who I am I am what I do— Which you knew Which you always knew Which I thought you were a part of! [DOT] No You are complete, George You all alone I am unfinished I am diminished With or without you ... We do not belong together And we should have belonged together What made it so right together Is what made it all wrong

THIS IS SO FINE. I'M FINE.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #sondheim + aziraphale is SO PERFECT i'm fine this is fine #long post #sunday in the park with george

[sleepless-crows]

the way greed is a big theme in the grisha trilogy. we even have the quote "what is infinite? the universe and the greed of men." and how with the crows, as much as we joke about them doing it for the money, they aren't greedy. kaz goes on the ice court heist to seek revenge. inej goes on it for her freedom and those of others. matthias and nina were bound by honor for the most part. jesper may have needed the money but he isn't greedy for it. and same goes with wylan. but we can see how much greed indirectly influenced them to be in those positions.

as much as inej said that greed was kaz's god. it really isn't. he works for justice, for revenge. against whom? pekka rollins. the one who shows greed more than kaz ever will. pekka duped two young boys and countless many others out of their money, and some out of their lives. he did all the dirty work for the money. and kaz dedicated his life to avenging jordie and later making sure people like pekka don't do it to anyone else. and he goes on the heist for the money, not because of his greed, but to seek vengeance for what greed has done to this world.

the villain in inej's story is tante heleen. through inej, we see how people like tante heleen care about money more than anything else. she makes sure the girls in the menagerie never earn out of their indentures. she physically abuses the girls and then tells them she has to take from the money that they earn whenever there's blood on their bedsheets. and the second that kaz bought out inej to work under per haskell, tante heleen didn't even care and let inej go because she was given a sum. and she even taunts inej that she'll have her back because she knows she can earn from her. she's incredibly vain and greedy and i'm glad inej stole her diamond necklace in the ice court.

jesper's encounter with greed is probably the most common in ketterdam. people in ketterdam feed off of greed and all the dirty desires of the people. jesper's fallen into a lot of debt because of the casinos scattered all throughout ketterdam. and gambling houses are such a dirty means of profit but that's what ketterdam thrives off.

wylan, on the other hand, was disowned by van eck because of his dyslexia, because van eck didn't believe that wylan could properly carry on his legacy if he couldn't read. van eck goes to such severe means to build his empire, to earn as much as he can, as it is the religion of ketterdam. van eck ordered two people to kill wylan and drive him out to keep his reputation clean because if the merchant council only knew his dishonest ways, he would be kicked out and lose everything. he manipulates kaz into thinking he wants to save the world when he would gladly bring it to chaos if it meant he would have the power and the control. and his greedy and selfish ways are how he falls. and wylan helps bring him down.

nina and matthias are the most noble of them all. they went on the heist for both their people to be saved from the dangers parem could cause. but we can trace their place in the crows back to when they met. he was a druskelle and she was a grisha. a generations long prejudice, a war they've always had to face, because of the incredibly warped mindset of the fjerdans. as matthias says, what must it feel like to worship djel, knowing that he gave gifts to another? grisha power could be djel's hand and maybe the otkazat'sya were jealous and couldn't wrap it around their heads. and so with that came greed for control, greed for their god's favor to the point that they've missed what djel truly stood for. trying to justify all inherently evil actions they had to take when it all stemmed from envy and greed.

the greed of men is infinite, ancient, and common. i just find it intriguing how the crows are always described as criminals who will do whatever it takes for the right price but they are the farthest from greedy. they were shaped by greed, not their greed, but the greed that inhabits this world. and throughout the duology, we see how they all work against it in the end.

#grishaverse #six of crows #soc #shadow and bone #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar #i dont even know if i understand myself i just had this random thought and i've been trying to write this for hours #well 🤷‍♀️ if it doesnt make sense it probably doesnt

[ughhhdavid]

A kinda long analysis of some scenes in The Sound Of Music in relation to the Ted Lasso finale, TedTrent, and Ted's bisexuality ahead.

Since they decided to name the finale as a reference to The Sound Of Music, and perform a song from it as well, I've decided to look into it. After all, Ted has always been pretty similar to Maria. They're both enthusiastic, positive, they come into this family's life, and, while uptight and closed off at first, it eventually warms up to them. They both help their new family become better.

And then they leave.

Why?

They both say it's because they miss their old lives. But Maria actually leaves because she has developed feelings for the Captain. Meanwhile I think Ted missing his family at home is genuine. (However, he had a chance to have both his Richmond family and his Kansas family at the same time. And there's some debate of the reason he didn't want that)

In The Sound Of Music, we get glimpses into Maria's life after going back.

Sound familiar?

All these shots of people he loves who you think would want him there. Even his own best friend's wedding. And where is Ted? Why is he missing these moments? Why is he so isolated?

Uhm... Hello???? If there's one way to describe Ted's face in this scene, it's this.

Now this is where Ted's story ends. But Maria's continues, having a very intense conversation with Mother Abbess about feelings you've never felt before, having something deep inside you that you can't face, being confused, and not wanting to betray God. This seems very queer coded to me.

On the other hand, she thinks that she is only in servitude of God, and accepting the Captain's love would be distracting her from her mission as a nun. To which Mother says, that just because she loves The Captain, that doesn't mean she loves God less.

Now that got me thinking about Ted, and the way he left everything behind, and the way he rejected everyone's love for him, and the way he seemed to think that was the right thing to do in order to fully love and be there for Henry.

But Ted was a great father, even in London, and he didn't need to sacrifice all other things he loved for him. (Of course, parents would sacrifice everything for their kids, I'm just saying Ted didn't have to).

Loving Richmond didn't mean he loved Henry less.

Mother Reverend also says this:

Which reminds me of what Trent said earlier in the episode:

"I don't think we change, per say, as much as we learn to accept who we've always been"

Next she sings the song "Climb Every Mountain",which finally convinces Maria to go back. Here are some of the lyrics:

Which, first of all. Rainbow??? Ok.

Like the rainbow in Ted's hallucination? Like the bi flag in that same hallucination that helped him get unstuck and get as close to achieving his dream as he could, with Total Football.

Secondly, this reminds me of Ted on the plane, doubting himself. Thinking about how they could've won the whole fucking thing. And later, the lyrics from "Father and Son" that play while Ted looks at the snowglobe.

"For you will still be here tomorrow

But your dreams may not"

How are we supposed to interpret this if not that Ted is abandoning his dream,Richmond?

And that someone needs to make him realize his dreams are important, too?

Next, Maria comes back and greets the Captain in an interaction that reminded me a lot of Ted and Trent.

And then the captain says this:

Which is a criticism I heard a lot about the finale. The entirety of AFC Richmond said goodbye to Ted in big ways, and small ways, but he never said a proper goodbye to any of them. A proper, heartfelt goodbye in which he said something substantial, anything that anyone deserved to hear from him, after spending the past 3 years loving him, being by his side and believing in him.

With Maria returned, The Captain breaks up his engagement to The Baroness.

He says he has been dishonest. He has hidden his feelings and he can't hide them anymore. Reminded me of Trent, saying he had to come out to his wife 2 times before her believing. Trent, hiding his real feelings from a woman he couldn't love the way she wanted him to.

To which the Baroness gets defensive and acts like she's the one who wants to break up. That she doesn't think he's the right man for her.

Why?

I laughed out loud when she said this, ngl.

Next, The Captain talks to Maria in the garden about her plans to leave again soon.

Again, reminiscent of Keeley and Rebecca asking Ted to change his mind, and stay. And the book Ted is holding on the plane "How to Change Your Mind: The New Science Of Psychadelics".

The part where he says "it will be all wrong again after you leave". Let's talk about that. Because as Ted leaves, Roy and Jamie throw away years of development and go back to their old dynamic. Nate is a kit man again. So much regression. Beard, going home to an abusive girlfriend. And Ted, who was learning to break free from society's idea of what a family should look like, Ted, who wanted to be free and fluid, going back into those boxes.

For these characters, it's like the show was folded in half,to get the beginning and the end to touch. For them, it's like starting from zero. It's like everything they've been through has been for nothing. (Roy even specifically calls this out).

Back The Sound of Music, Maria and The Captain finally confess their feelings to each other.

Are you kidding me? A whistle? You mean like coaches have?

Anyway, this is all the parallels and things I've found interesting while watching this part in The Sound Of Music. I could go on for longer, but this movie is 3 hours long of scenes that remind me of Ted.

"Yeah, it might be all that you get

Yeah, I guess this might well be it."

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #Ted lasso finale #Season 3 #Episode 12 #so long farewell #The sound of music #bi ted lasso #Bisexual ted lasso #Trent crimm independent #Tedtrent #Ted x trent #Tedependent #My post