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vannahfanfics · 9 months

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Hello it’s Sel. I would like to get Naruto ultimate match up:)

So I’m 18 years old, short, sporty girl with black hair and Asian features. I have and love tattoos and obsessed with gym and sports. I never wear skirts and dresses, my style is a 24/7 sportswear.

I’m extremely introverted and I’m a very bad commutator, I never start the conversation first, it’s really hard to become my friend. People always assume that I’m mean or arrogant by the way I look (because of my 24/7 resting b*tch face😅) but my close ones know that I’m a very funny and kind person. My personality type is ISTP.

So my positive character traits are only for those ones who I trust and like. I’m a very adventurous and spontaneous person. I really love risky and dangerous situations. I’m literally not scared of anything, the only thing I’m scared of is uncertainty about the future .I’m very loyal, I’m ready to do anything for my close ones and I expect them to be as selfless for me it’s really important . I really enjoy traveling, one of my dreams is to live in 5 different countries. I already moved from my home country to Europe. I like learning about different countries and cultures, that’s why I really like history, I love reading about the old events, legends and myths. Really enjoy watching documentaries about criminals. I want to be a sport manager, but if I never liked sports I would’ve been a police officer or detective. In Naruto world I would definitely be a Kunoichi it’s a perfect work for me😍 I’m completely not a lovey-dovey person, and I never express my love with words, it’s pointless and childish for me. I can be totally cold with my closest people with expressing emotions and feelings , but they know that I love and care because I show it with my acts. The only soft spot that I have is animals😩 I feel like a little kid with them, I have a dog and I literally treat him like he’s my baby(because he is🥺) And I hate with passion people who don’t care about animals. I used to be a horse rider until I broke my leg, but I still adore horses and one day I’ll come back. Maybe I’m a cold person but I need an opposite, maybe it’s a little bit selfish but I hate when people are cold with me. I don’t like intrusive people, but someone who’s more communicative and easier than me. I’m a very confident person, but I always expect more from myself and other people. Also I don't like being lazy and wasting time, I'm always worrying that I'm wasting my free time for nothing

So now about my negative traits😅 I’m too straightforward, I don’t think that it’s a bad trait but sometimes the truth turns out too rude. I often offend people without noticing it, but not intentionally, I know that if not me no one’s going to tell them the truth. I’m very short-tempered, I think that’s my main problem. I have anger issues, that’s why I was a trouble child in school and always was arguing and fighting with everyone😂 Now I’m more mature and calm but I’m still getting easily annoyed. I have a crazy mood swings, maybe I’m often unbothered and cold but sometimes i can be really loud. But anyways I can’t stand too childish, silly and immature people, I had friends like this and I always felt like I’m their mom. But good sense of humor is important to me. Sometimes I hide my emotions and how I feel because I don’t want to look weak, it’s a very bad habit. But I’m always here for people when they need to talk about their problems, people say that I could’ve been a good psychologist. I have very good intuition but sometimes I’m too judgmental and pessimistic

Sport is number one thing in my life. I love football, I play and watch it, I love boxing and can spend hours in the gym. I run in the mornings and trying to have healthy lifestyle. For me, my men, it’s extremely important him to be as sporty and active as me, one of my dreams is to exercise and train with my partner. I want him to be attractive, tall and have a good body. What I’m looking for in a guy: being very smart and mature, should accept me with my coldness and straightforwardness, being fun and spontaneous, more easygoing and communicative than me. He should be really understanding and know how to calm me down. I can be too picky 😂 He should be interesting and always ready for adventures:) In my life work and career will always be a number one thing, I don’t dream about marriage or something but I would love to have someone who will share my interest, who will teach me new things in life. So I think that’s it :) Thank you in advance🫶🏻

So sorry for the delay in getting this to you, but at last, here is your match-up! I've been dealing with some gnarly writer's block off and on for the last few months, amidst the endless struggle of medical school, but I seem to be getting my groove back and was thus finally able to make some time (and brainpower LOL) to write this up for you. Thanks again for commissioning, and also for being so patient! So, let's dive right in, shall we?

I match you with...

Kiba Inuzuka from Naruto!

This one wasn't a hard one for me, LOL; it wasn't long into your vignette before I was just like "Oh, this is Kiba all the way!" I've got lots of reasons why I think he's the best fit for you, so without further ado, let's get to the analysis!:

First and foremost, you're the kind of girl that'll catch Kiba's attention! He loves sporty girls; their personalities and interests tend to match well with his, making for a good basis to build a relationship. Plus, he thinks sportswear is so sexy. He's happy to see you all dolled up, of course, but he thinks you're just as striking in sportswear and lowkey prefers it. What can I say? The man knows what he likes LOL!

Your introversion and R.B.F. might put off other suitors, but not Kiba. If anything, he respects a girl with a 'tude, so he's not afraid of approaching a girl who looks like she might rip him to pieces just for trying to start a conversation! He knows that a lot of times these brusque personas conceal a much kinder, softer person, so he doesn't take first impressions at face value. He's more than happy to take the time to get to know the real you—and, as I mentioned before, the two of you have tons in common!

Just like you, Kiba is adventurous and spontaneous; really, can you look at this guy and not instantly think "thrill-seeker"? He thinks your aspiration to live in so many different places and immerse yourself in different places is dope as hell. He's not stricken with wanderlust to your extent, but he's always keen to try or experience new things, so he's totally down for the ride. Admittedly, he's always found history and such pretty boring; but with you, it would be different. The zeal with which you seek and share various histories, myths, and legends is enough to spark his own interest, at least enough to happily let you gush about the things you learned with him and, as your relationship deepens, go out of his way to find things that you might find interesting. If it's something that puts a smile on your face, it could never be boring to Kiba! You're a little more up his alley with your interest in criminal justice, though. The man loves true crime; he could sit around watching television dramatizations and true crime shows for days. It just intrigues him, the way the perpetrators and investigators both think, and the shit they can do with science to solve seemingly unsolvable cases? Awesome!

Kiba is also fiercely loyal and selfless when it comes to those he cares about. It is also a quality he values highly in his significant other—just another reason that you two mesh so well. It's his loyalty that helps him deal with your apparent aloofness. One way in which Kiba differs from you is his readiness to express his feelings and affections; he's like a big puppy, desperate to be close as often as possible and always very open with how he feels. His primary love language is physical touch, so expect tons of cuddles and P.D.A. (to your comfort level, of course; he'd never overstep your boundaries!). Words of affirmation are his secondary love language, so it does admittedly baffle him at first when he finds that you aren't as open with your affections and, as you put it, even cold. The good thing is that Kiba is actually one to readily communicate with his partner, despite his outward gruffness, and he wouldn't sit on his unease for long before bringing it to your attention. Unfortunately, he's not the best when it comes to reading people, so he wouldn't be able to just pick up on the fact that you communicate more through your actions; he'd need you to tell him outright. Once you do, though, all is good! He's quick on the uptake and will soon be able to read the thought and care behind your actions with ease. :)

Kiba even shares some of your "negative" traits, such as being too straightforward. The man does not have a filter; he says what comes to his mind, and this can often come off as rude to other people. A lot of times, Kiba's trying to be rude because he doesn't take bullshit well XD Kiba also has his fair share of anger issues; he was a straight-up hellion of a kid, getting into fights and rebelling against authority. Like you, he's also chilled out as he's aged and matured, but not completely. You two would inevitably butt heads, passionate and hot-headed as the two of you can be. Don't sweat that, though! Kiba's always the first one to apologize. If he feels things are getting too heated, he's quick to step away before things spiral out of control; as soon as his head clears, he regrets fighting with you immediately and will slink back with his tail between his legs to beg your forgiveness, whether he was in the wrong or not. He always comes back with a gift of some sort—flowers, chocolates, something you like—but not to make his apology seem more genuine. He just wants to express his regret in every way possible and show you how much you mean to him!

Sportswear isn't the only reason that Kiba loves sporty girls, LOL. Kiba's a sporty guy, and he wants a gal that can keep up with him! He's into all manners of sports, but getting roughed up and dirty playing rugby or some other intense contact sport is his bread and butter. As one can imagine, he lives a very healthy lifestyle as well, one that includes many hours in the gym. You've definitely found a gym buddy in him! Whatever kind of exercise you like to partake in, whether that's running or weights or kickboxing, Kiba's down for it! He's just happy to spend time with you. :)

Finally, it goes without saying that Kiba loves animals, especially dogs. Literally, he won't date anyone who doesn't like dogs and animals in general; it's a huge part of his life, and he ain't givin' Akamaru up for nobody. You think your dog is a baby now? Wait until Kiba comes around. Your pooch is gonna end up rotten, just like Akamaru is!

I wanna circle back to the only point of real contention that would exist in your relationship: the fact that the two of you can get a little testy. Kiba's not exactly the most easygoing guy, but he is more communicative than appearance and personality would suggest, which is why I stand by matching him with you. I just wanted to delve deeper into that and illustrate through a scenario how good of a communicator Kiba is despite the occasional hiccup:

The two of you will spat. It's inevitable, given your personalities, and what couple is sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time? However, despite his combativeness, Kiba doesn't argue for the sake of arguing, especially not with his significant other. If he argues, it's because it's something he is very staunch about. However, Kiba will really dig in his heels and, after a point, refuse to see logic or reason.

As I previously mentioned, however, Kiba will never let a fight get too intense. He can recognize when things are heating up to a dangerous and unproductive degree, and when it hits that threshold, he just walks away. The last thing he wants is for him to say something that will seriously hurt you just because he's angry, or, heavens forbid, actually hurt you because he's just so riled up. So, regardless of if you're egging it on or not, he'll tell you that he's leaving to go clear his head, and then go do just that.

Kiba takes drives to come down from his anger, and he doesn't sit there stewing and trying to justify himself; he just mindlessly wanders, refusing to entertain any thoughts about your argument until he's of sound mind again—and then the regret hits him like a freight train. Of course it does. He doesn't enjoy arguing with you because he knows it hurts you, and he hates being the source of any pain for you. Justifying his stance in the fight is still the furthest thing for his mind, but now it's because he's desperate to make amends and show you that you're far more important to him then whatever silly debate the two of you were having.

It could be the middle of the day or the middle of the night; it doesn't matter. Kiba's gonna find something that he can buy that you like to show you that he cares. The man'll pick wildflowers off the roadside if he has to. He'll make sure to give you plenty of time to cool off yourself, and he'll always check to make sure that you're okay with him turning up at your door before doing so. If you're not ready, he'll wait until you are; pushing you doesn't exactly show that he cares, and he knows that despite how desperate he is to apologize. If there's a certain way that he knows to help you calm down without inciting your frustration again, he'll definitely do so.

Speaking of apologizing, as soon as you're face-to-face, that's what he's doing. You won't even be able to get a word out before apologies are tumbling from his mouth like a waterfall, and they're completely genuine. He doesn't want to manipulate you or make himself look good; he's genuinely sorry that he let things progress to that point and that he hurt you by arguing with you. Whether you forgive him or not, he just wants you to know that! He knows how important communication is to you, and he dropped the ball this time. He'll do better—and he honestly does! The further your relationship progresses, the more he learns about the way you think, and the better he gets at broaching topics that can cause tension. It takes him time, but he does his best to communicate in the way you need him to.

He's so earnest to make things right that he honestly forgets why you got in a spat in the first place. He won't even let the matter be brought up again until the both of you are completely good. Again, you're far more important to him than anything else could be!

Finally, here's the drabble that is included as part of the Tier III match-up! Given how sports are a big thing for both of you, I decided to do something related to that. Here's the two of you playing some good old-fashioned rough-and-tough backyard American football!:

"Are you sure that you want to do tackle instead of two-hand touch? I know your girl is tough, Kiba, but she's still the only girl here."

"Can it, Naruto," Kiba scoffs at the perturbed blond, and you're caught between feeling bad for the guy for simply trying to be considerate and feeling a surge of pride at your boyfriend's unwavering confidence in you. Kiba throws one arm around your shoulders while the other holds up his hand for him to flip Naruto off. "My girl will be tackling your pathetic asses to the ground, not the other way around. Bet."

"Okay, okay, jeez! You don't gotta be such an ass about it," Naruto grumbles, half-heartedly returning Kiba's vulgar gesture before stooping over to scoop the scuffed, well-worn football up from the grassy ground.

"I'm actually on Naruto's team, remember?" you giggle as Kiba presses a kiss and a self-satisfied sneer into your temple. "So I'll be tackling your pathetic ass to the ground."

"Ohoho?" he laughs as he pulls back to cock a brow at your blatant challenge. "You won't even be able to tackle my dust, babe." When Naruto calls for you to get in position, he gives you a gentle push—one hard enough to get you moving, but gentle enough not to be a forceful shove. You stick your tongue out at him over your shoulder as you walk to where Naruto squats in front of Lee, preparing to hike the ball. Shikamaru lounges on the left flank, looking like he would literally rather be anywhere else; he probably does, but Naruto never fails to entice him into participating in their weekly football match with the promise of free ramen. As you stroll toward the right side, you are keenly aware of Kiba watching your every move. You're wearing the purple-and-black spandex joggers, matching racerback tee, and black sports bra that never fails to leave his eyes glued to you—and you may have done so deliberately, knowing that you'd be playing on the opposite team as him today. He's so engrossed in you and the sexy sportswear that hugs your body that he doesn't register Naruto calling out the play until the last second, just in time for the blond to hike the ball to Lee and then take off at blinding speed for the endzone.

Meanwhile, you race to your agreed-upon position on the right side of the field, ready to receive the ball if Lee can't get a direct shot at Naruto. Sure enough, Choji comes barreling toward Lee with full intent of bringing him down where he stands, and the ravenet begins frantically searching for someone to lob the ball at before he's brought down by two hundred pounds of raw power.

"Lee! Over here!" you shout and wave your arms above your head.

Lee wastes no time in responding to you, throwing the ball in your direction in the split second before Choji tackles him to the ground. You lithely trot backward as you track the ball's arc, following it until it drops right into your waiting hands—no, Kiba's!

"Later, babes." Kiba steals a kiss on your cheek before darting toward the opposite side of the field, leaving you in a stunned stupor. You quickly recover from his sneaky interception, shaking your head vigorously to get it back in the game before charging after him with a yowl. There's no way that you can live down such an insult, and the desperation of avoiding his grandstanding pours energy into your body; you catch up to him five yards outside of the endzone and all but fling yourself at him with a desperate cry.

Kiba yelps in alarm when you slam into his back and wrap both your arms around his middle to drag him kicking and flailing to the ground. In his wrestle to escape your grip, the ball slips from his arms and tumbles to the ground. Howls of "Fummmmmmblllllleee!" fill the air, followed by hoots of laughter and wolf whistles. Hardly surprising, considering that you somehow ended up straddling Kiba in your chaotic grappling.

"Hey," you puff as you sit atop him, chest heaving with ragged breaths and one hand splayed across his own, which was doing the same. The other raked through your hair to pull it out of your flushed, sweat-sheened face.

"Hey," he huffs back with a blank expression. It quickly twists into a sneer, and he winds his arms loosely around your waist. "That was a hell of a tackle."

"I told you that I'd put your pathetic ass on the ground," you tease with a wheezy laugh, admittedly still a bit breathless from your feverish sprint.

Kiba just hums, his fingers tracing idle patterns on the skin revealed from where your tank top was bunched above your hip bone. After a second, though, he tips his head back and shouts down the field, "And you losers wanted to play two-hand touch!"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it," comes Shikamaru's unimpressed drawl. "Are you gonna get up, or did she take you outta commission with that tackle?"

"I ain't outta commission," Kiba gripes back, then looks up at you with gleaming eyes. "I'm just enjoyin' the view~"

You roll your eyes at his flirty remark, but a smile tugs at your lips despite yourself. Just like your heartstrings do when Kiba nods his chin at you in a clear request for a kiss—and, naturally, you indulge him. You hold your hair out of your face as you lean down over him to press your mouth to his own in a sweet but lingering kiss. Not lingering enough, you note with a giggle when you retreat to find Kiba pouting up at you, clearly displeased at only getting one smooch—and a short one, by his standards.

"If you want more, you'll have to catch me~" you chime as you climb off of him and to your feet. As you brush blades of grass from your clothes, Kiba rolls over and hops to his feet; you brush a few grass bits from his tee shirt with a pretty smile, then whirl on your heel to begin flouncing back to your teammates. You don't make it far before Kiba is rushing up behind you to envelop you in a hug, and you squeal as he lifts you off the ground and whirls you around.

"Caught you," he grins before peppering your face and hair with kisses. You giggle and shriek as you wiggle in his hold.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it!"

"Oh, well, too bad. That's how I took it," comes his rumbling reply, and it is followed by another attack of kisses. Unfortunately for the rest of the boys, the game of football is put on hold as Kiba devotes himself to showering you with affection. Oh, well... Kiba was going to lose to you anyway!

Interested in a commission? Check out this post!

#matchups #match-ups #naruto #naruto match-ups #naruto matchups #naruto shippuden #commissions #vannahfanfics commissions

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godshideouscreation · 2 years

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how do you get into a creative mood? what has been your go-to source of inspiration? have you ever had an instance where you start taking photos and the mood to create leaves you; do you leave it alone and try again later or do you have a process by which you can get back into that headspace?

I honestly think for the most part I'm always in a creative mood because I like to use my creativity to express my emotions whether that's with painting or in my photography. A lot of the time I try to get an idea of what I want ahead of time and plan a shoot out, but there are other times when I just reach into my wig bin or my outfit bin and pull something out and just work with the colors. Sometimes listening to a song or hearing a particular line on a television show gives me inspiration. I can't really say where it always comes from, just that I'm very open to what I suggest myself. There are times when I have incredibly high pain days and it's extremely hard for me to be creative but it's not that I don't want to be creative or that I feel like I can't be creative.. I'm just too sore to execute what I want to do. That definitely frustrates me and sometimes it depresses me when my chronic pain is really bad. But when I'm down physically I just try to plan for what sort of things I would be interested in doing when I'm feeling better.

I also have a group of about 50 sex workers from Tumblr and we all work on ideas and do collaborations together so sometimes that gives me inspiration too. Sometimes we pick random days off the calendar that are little silly holidays and sometimes we just pick themes and we all do something different around that theme.

And sometimes we just need a break. It's okay not to be creating 24/7 and it doesn't mean you're not artistic or not creative when you need downtime either. Sometimes you just have to work on being neutral to yourself before you can be nice to yourself too. Don't beat yourself up for what you can't do, but it's good to hype yourself up for what you can do. I've really been working a lot in the past 5 years or so on being nice to myself and it is starting to kick in more naturally now than it used to.

Normally though if I'm already in the middle of a photo shoot I'll try to at least work on something even if I'm not feeling it. I didn't love how my equinox photo shoot turned out because I had planned for something different and had to go with my backup plan. But it also helps me a lot that I have a group of friends who hypes me up constantly. When I don't feel good about something, they're totally there for me.

I think I'm pretty good too at compartmentalizing, and I just put it away while I'm working and then pull it back out and feel it out when I'm done. I hope this answers your question. I went on a bit of a ramble.

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snowdice · 4 years

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Road Trips and Missing Persons (Part 13)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Patton & Virgil, Virgil & Deceit, Logan & Patton, Emile & Remy, Roman & Remus & Janus

Characters: Patton, Virgil, Deceit, Remus, Roman, Logan, Emile, Remy

Summary: Patton was just getting groceries. The next thing he knew, there was a knife at his throat and he was an unwilling uber driver. Virgil’s on the run after the murder of his dad, and it’s not just his paranoia that’s telling him he’s being chased down. He has to get somewhere safe, somewhere he can trust, and all he has is a couple of stories from his dad and a name: “Green Bellow Foods and Dispensary.”

Notes: Secret Agents AU, knives, carjacking, kidnapping, murder mentioned, guns mentioned, pepper spray, blood mentioned, drugs mentioned, explosions (more to be added)

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve affectionately named it the Goblin Brain Fic because it’s helping my brain actually get motivated for studying. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 My Master Post

Remy was slumped down in his seat as Emile continued to lecture him on all the possible consequences of his actions over the past 24 hours. Jeezy creezy was Emile miffed about all of that. Remy had been trying to blow it off, but Emile was fully, painfully aware that he’d almost had lost his brother today and Remy was going to hear about it until Emile’s lungs aches.

“And another thing…” he said.

“Wait,” Remy said, and Emile did because there was a lace of panic to his tone.

“What?” Emile asked.

“The tracker stopped working,” Remy answered pushing buttons a little bit desperately on his device.

“It went completely offline somehow,” Remy said.

“Did it get turned off?” Emile asked. “Or run out of batteries?”

“It doesn’t turn off and the batteries are designed to last for years,” Remy said. “It can even track through 20 feet of water. The only way it could stop sending a signal this abruptly is if the thing was destroyed.”

Emile paused. “You said Virgil knows what the blinking light means.”

“Yes.”

“Is it possible that he knows, or well, ‘knows,’ you’re dead? Barbara did send a man after him, he could have mentioned it.”

Remy stared down at the device in his hands.

He pressed a couple of buttons and studied the screen for a moment. “You little shit,” he groaned. “You threw it out the fucking car window, didn’t you?”

“How do you know?” Emile asked.

“Because if I look at the history, it was going at 65 miles per hour down the interstate, suddenly stopped cold, and then went offline probably when another car inevitably crushed it.”

“Ah.”

“Well, at least the fucker’s probably okay. Dammit Virgil! Where are you going?” Remy pushed a few more buttons almost idly as he thought. “Let me get into Virgil’s head for a minute: emo music, dark clothes, would rather have his toenails ripped out than go to parties, makes split second decisions based on little info. Yep! Got him.”

Emile rolled his eyes, but Remy wouldn’t have noticed as he had his own eyes closed. “Hmm. So, I’m Virgil. My bitch mom killed my dad and sent someone after me. I have no idea what’s going on, but I bolt out of there because fuck mom. I want to get the hell out of dodge so I convince someone to drive me somehow, I guess, but where would I want to go? Someplace safe. Where’s safe? Maybe Emile, but obviously that’s not where he went. Or Janus, but he’s too connected to mom. I don’t really know anyone else, especially not someone who could help with this sort of stuff.”

Remy thought for another long moment. “Oops.”

“Oops?” Emile asked. “What oops?”

He could tell by the expression on Remy’s face that he was not going to like the answer. “I may have let something… slip.”

“What do you mean, Remington?”

“Um, well you see,” Remy said. “A couple of months ago Virgil was being, you know, himself: a little shit. He may have, possibly, found some papers.”

“What kind of papers?” Emile asked.

“They were nothing important!” Remy assured. “There wasn’t any dangerous info in them or anything, but…”

“But?”

“It is somewhat possible that they had the name on them.”

“How possible?” Emile asked, eyes narrowed on him.

“He asked what Green Bellow Foods was and why they needed 50 top-of-the line computers outfitted at an old factory.”

“And what did you tell him?!”

“Nothing!”

Emile glared at him.

“Okay, well I had to tell him something,” Remy mumbled. “I just kind of said that I knew the owner well and was working with him on some stuff. Then I told him not to worry about it, which was probably a mistake, because he’s Virgil. So, then I found him snooping in my car. At that point I had to sit him down and talk to him. So, I told him a bit about Logan.”

“Remy that’s not nothing!”

“I didn’t use his name or anything. I just told him a couple of really, extremely, tremendously, vague stories, so he didn’t think I owed money to the mafia. Which, yes, he did suggest.”

“That’s worse!”

“What do you want from me Emile?!”

“Some common sense!” Emile answered. “I’ve been comparing you to the rat in Ratatouille for years, but I’m starting to think you’re more of a Pinky from Pinky and the Brain.”

“Hey, ouch,” Remy replied. “Also, I personally subscribe to the theory that Pinky is actually the intelligent one who is foiling Brain’s evil plots from the inside. So, there.”

“Now is not the time,” Emile said.

“Oh, it’s not the time to discuss cartoon theories?” Remy mumbled into his lap. “Must be serious.”

“It is serious! Virgil is missing!”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” Remy snapped. “I know, Emile.”

There was quiet. Emile took a breath. “Okay,” he said, calmer. “Do you really think he’s going to Logan?”

“He’s headed somewhere,” Remy answered, “and wherever that somewhere is, it’s inexplicably down the most direct route towards base.”

“Well, Virgil is smart. I don’t think he’d just keep going so quickly without a destination in mind. We should call Logan.”

“Do you honestly believe Barbara doesn’t have your phone tapped when Virgil is missing? If you had one of Logan’s phones, I might agree with you, but as it is, we’d be giving away our position, and possibly clueing her into Virgil’s plan. If he shows up at base, Logan will take him in no question. It’s less dangerous for everyone this way.”

“Fine,” Emile said. “We’ll just keep driving towards Logan and hope you’re right about where he’s going.”

“Of course, I’m right,” Remy said lightly. “I’ve got the paternal instincts going on. Course, they didn’t stop the knife throwing incident of ’09. I blame Janus for that, though.”

Emile shook his head at him.

“It is good for when he tries to steal sweets, or that one time he brought home a baby piglet and tried to hide it from me in his bedroom. Or when he’s feeling anxious about something but won’t tell me because he thinks it’s silly.” Remy’s own fingers tapped out an anxious pattern against his knee. “It also worked with the golf cart incident, but it was too late. Again, I blame Janus. He messes with the paternal instinct meter. He’s far too unpredictable and I make the mistake of thinking he’s responsible, which he is half the time, but the other half of the time I remember that he’s still mostly a kid and one that grew up in an unstable environment. Did I tell you that last month they went and won a bunch of tickets at the arcade and used them to get those 5 ticket rubber ducks and just unloaded them all over my room? Honestly, you’d think a 21-year-old would have a better use for his money or at least have the brains to go buy them at a store. He could have gotten like 500 more ducks for the same amount of money. Of course, it was his mom’s money, so I guess I can get behind wasting it on arcade games and rubber ducks. The prank was apparently based on some comedy sketch Virgil found online.”

“You’re doing the thing again,” Emile pointed out calmly.

“Stop psych evaluating me,” he shot back.

“Fine, fine,” Emile said. “Keep distracting yourself from your emotional responses with silly stories. See if I care.”

“Thank you,” Remy replied. “I will.”

Emile sighed as he started back up again mumbling something about having taken away Virgil’s Gameboy after catching him playing it at 3 o’clock in the morning. He claimed this wasn’t because the boy hadn’t gotten any sleep on a school night, but because he’d insulted Donkey Kong to Remy’s face. After that story had run its course, Remy continued to babble at an increasingly fast pace about all sorts of things. Emile imagined most of the stories he sprouted off were quite embellished.

Emile had tried to turn on the radio once, but Remy had slapped his hand away saying, “The next one’s a really good one.” So, he had resigned himself to his fate of tuning out Remy’s coping mechanism to the best of his abilities and just focusing on driving for the next 45 minutes. Which is probably why he noticed that traffic had strangely decreased. He didn’t really pay the fact that much mind until the traffic suddenly increased… in the form of a wall of stopped cars.

“Jenkies, what’s going on?” he asked, as he came to a stop at the end of the line of cars.

“Um…” Remy said looking out of his car window. There, staring into their car with beady black eyes was a cow. As Emile watched, said cow leaned forward to drag its tongue across the passenger side window. “Shit.”

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 14

#sanders sides #remy sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #platonic remile #remus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #road trips and missing persons #adriana writes #murder mentioned #emile piccani

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twelfthdyke · 7 years

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Hi! Do you have any headcanons for Marvin and Whizzer at the hospital? (b/c tears) Love your blog and your HC's by the way!!! You're so creative and detailed and I love you and the Falsettos characters so much!

i hope you like these!! i also love to upset myself. tysm for the compliments! my hcs are mediocre but i'm glad you enjoy them!!

this took so long. i was trying to remain sensitive to the situation and hope that it’s accurate. i had to google the symptoms of AIDs and how to play chess so it's all here, folks. it's so weird to go from silly, lighthearted hcs to crushing ones.

we all know that whizzer is stubborn as hell. he would straight up refuse help when he's first hospitalized. he's barely mobile but too proud to admit his body is deteriorating quickly.

the amount of help he requires just doing things like walking a few metres frustrates him to no end. he starts getting really angry, telling marvin & charlotte to shove off and leave him alone.

he's convinced that if he tries hard enough he'll be able to make himself better or at least act like it.

he gets so upset with himself and his body's inability that he actually breaks down crying at one point-- multiples times lbr.

he collapses and is sat on the floor on his knees, gripping his hospital gown and wiping furiously at his tear-streaked face. marvin goes to help him up but decides to crouch beside him for a bit, rubbing whizzer's arms and holding back his own tears.

marvin is constantly in a state of faux optimism that whizzer can see right through. whizzer also holds a calm, lighthearted expression when he can as he tries to worry his friends and family as little as possible. left alone they watch each other and know that it's not alright anymore.

they drop their brave faces and just hold each other most nights. their tight knit family leaves the room and they lay silently together. if tears are shed, neither of them say anything.

on nights where the silence and sobs are too painful they reminisce over things they did together in the past (although they usually avoid mentioning racquetball or chess). they'll lie on their backs, hands intertwined, recounting all the dumb places they messed around and tease each other.

these nights are spent cuddling and talking until whizzer succumbs to fatigue despite doing nothing that day. marvin has to face the inevitability of the situation alone late into the night and early hours. he's graced with insomnia and anxiety throughout whizzer's illness.

there comes a point where whizzer refuses to look in a mirror and laments his good looks. his cheeks become more sunken and his weight loss is so blatant, it's unsettling.

whizzer: remember when my hair line was my only flawmarvin, holding him and whispering into his hair: it still iswhizzer, lightheartedly: don't be a sap, marv

whizzer is soon suffering the mental effects of his diagnosis. he's suddenly overtaken by constant anxiety and depressive thoughts. marvin comforts him however he can, understanding how it must feel for him.

along with these, whizzer's memory is taking a serious toll. he tries to play chess with jason but completely loses his train of thought.

jason: you can't move that waywhizzer, half asleep: huh...?jason: the knight. you can't move diagonally; it's against the rules.

marvin notices the distress and confusion on whizzer's face and quickly comes to his rescue, challenging jason to a game.

he's left confused a lot he loses grasp of dates -- but this could be due to his refusal to count down his days while marvin anxiously keeps track of it, trying to be with whizzer for every single one of his final hours, minutes, seconds.

whizzer sometimes finds him overbearing but marvin knows when to back off and allow whizzer the space despite his reluctance to leave him alone.

whizzer prefers to be in company most of the time during his treatment. when alone he's left to his thoughts of death and what he'll leave behind. no matter how many times he wills himself to believe it's just his time.

he's frustrated, enraged that if there is a god, why he would do this to him? he knows he is not an infallible being but he at least deserves an explanation. he doesn't deserve to be left to suffer this nameless disease that only provides him with pitiful (or disgusted) looks and half-hearted apologies.

along with the mental collapse, he suffers from persistent nausea as his immune system struggles to fight back any other infections he catches. he can't even look at food without imagining it coming back up. if the illness doesn't kill him then malnutrition is the next contender.

when he and marvin lay together, marvin can't help but notice how he's being poked by exposed ribs.

marvin will hold whizzer and notice how whizzer is somehow extremely hot yet shivering. marvin attempts to nurse him through his more feverish days and whizzer has to remind him that they're in a hospital and marvin isn't a doctor.

he won't admit it but he prefers marvin's care no matter how useless he is at it. most doctors are cold, dismissive. charlotte isn't able to hang around 24/7 so a familiar face is welcomed.

whizzer outright refuses to allow himself to be babied and makes distasteful jokes at his own expense in hopes of lightening the mood -- it doesn't really work despite his best efforts.

marvin does laugh to some of his morbid joking, to mendel and trina's shock and distaste. whizzer is pleased with himself, not having seen marvin laugh in so long. it's not as bright as he usually laughs but it's something and whizzer finds himself laughing too. marvin holds his gaze fondly and if he's tearing up no one mentions it.

they soon have to face the inevitability of the illness and how it's going to affect marvin. there's a wordless exchange between marvin and whizzer after they've both been informed of marvin's likely future. they hold each other a little tighter that night.

they have a full discussion later on. whizzer won't stop apologising and marvin won't stop asking him not to.

marvin is all too aware of his fate. this isn't whizzer's fault, he knows that much for sure but he's infuriated. why was there no public information? he'd become a victim to rumours and sourceless hearsay. he and whizzer and countless others.

the days go by quickly, some better than others but whizzer's clearly getting worse. each night he seems a little colder (physically and emotionally), he holds marvin hand a little less tight, his conversation is a little more sparse.

when whizzer's time finally comes and he's lost behind that hospital curtain, marvin is empty. he's never quite understood how someone could feel empty, completely devoid of any emotion, but here he is.

marvin and jason have much the same reaction. frozen. stiff and frozen in place. trina just wishes that this time jason wasn't so much like marvin. she'd always been loud, emotional. couldn't jason cry for once? then trina could hold him and comfort him and whisper how it's going to be alright regardless of her own uncertainty.

on that final day, after mendel and trina have collected the bar mitzvah things and quickly ushered jason out, marvin feels powerless.

cordelia is leant against the wall covering her face and holding back her own tears.

before he leaves, whizzer offers him one last genuine (yet teary) smile with his hand over marvin's. his tight squeeze slowly loosens and marvin leaves a final kiss on his cheek as he strokes the back of his hand.

marvin is there when the final light leaves whizzer's eyes. marvin is there when charlotte slowly covers whizzer's body with a sheet. he forces himself to look away knowing that whizzer isn't there anymore. not really. he's there as charlotte comforts cordelia and he can't help but feel a sudden spark of envy.

he clenches his fists and puts on a brave face. he figures that's what whizzer would want. he couldn’t be more wrong and subconsciously he knows that.

his facade finally collapses when he sees jason place that king chess piece on whizzer's grave. he inwardly snorts, even in death whizzer wins.

jason sees his father's tears and trina is startled when jason lets out his own pitiful sobs.

the entire tight knit family is left to mourn and to wonder if everything will ever be alright again. mendel, forever a skeptic, offhandedly mentions that whizzer would be watching them where he is right now. the uncharacteristic comment is a welcome comfort as their now-family-of-6 holds each other.

the belief that everything could be alright lingers.

so yeah... hmu to sob over falsettos.

#falsettos #whizzer brown #falsettos marvin #whizzer x marvin #marvin x whizzer #musicals #headcanons #my headcanons #long post #i didn't proofread sorry #also these are extra wordy #hope that's not too off putting #ask #anon #Anonymous

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mbtizone · 7 years

Text

Kathryn Merteuil (Cruel Intentions): ENTJ

Dominant Extroverted Thinking [Te]: Kathryn is confident, decisive, and wants to be in control of everything and everyone around her. She uses people as pawns and every move she makes is calculated. She is good at developing plans to get what she wants. Kathryn is a high-achiever and has established a pure, successful reputation for herself. Because she needs to be in control of her environment, she projects a certain image of herself because her status is very important to her. She needs people to continue to love her and respect her so she can carry on pulling everyone’s strings. Kathryn is intelligent and admired by people who don’t know the real her. She gets very good grades and is student body president. club at Manchester, the school she attends. She takes a younger girl under her wing and aids her in planning her curriculum at Manchester, all as part of a plot to get revenge on her ex-boyfriend, who dumped her, and is now setting his sights on Cecile. When Kathryn realizes that Sebastian is truly in love with Annette and she can no longer control him, she manipulates Ronald into going after him.

Auxiliary Introverted Intuition [Ni]: Life is a giant game of chess to Kathryn. She always stays multiple steps ahead of her opponents. She’s a master manipulator and knows exactly what needs to be done to accomplish her mission. Sebastian needs to seduce Cecile and open her up to promiscuity, which will hurt Court, who is interested in her because of her chastity. While she’s corrupting an innocent girl for the sake of her plot, she’s simultaneously manipulating Sebastian into ruining things with Annette. She hates that he’s falling for her because he used to worship her. If he’s in love with somebody else, she can’t control him, so she convinces him that Annette has made him weak and ruined him, effectively destroying their relationship. She’s cunning and uses her insights to get her way. She doesn’t go after Court directly, and instead tries to get to him through Cecile because if she makes a move on Court, it could be traced back to her, which she can’t have. She knows that Sebastian will take the bet because she knows that it makes him crazy that she’s the only person he can’t have. Kathryn is immediately able to sense that there’s something going on between Ronald and Cecile…

Tertiary Extroverted Sensing [Se]: … and uses that to her advantage. Kathryn is opportunistic and able to revise her plans as she discovers new potential in her environment. Physical appearances and luxury are important to Kathryn and she enjoys looking good. Kathryn struggles with bulimia because she’s so preoccupied with looking perfect. She is fashionable and extremely well-groomed. Kathryn is highly sexual and takes great pleasure in her various exploits. She gets a thrill out of participating in risky schemes. Kathryn uses cocaine regularly (possibly as a way to cope with her inner turmoil) and keeps her drugs hidden inside of a crucifix, which she wears around her neck. When she makes the bet with Sebastian, she decides that she wants that “hot little car” of his, because it’s a status symbol.

Inferior Introverted Feeling [Fi]: Kathryn abides by no moral code. She has no regard for the people around her and only cares about her own personal objectives. She lacks compassion and empathy, and is unbelievably selfish. Kathryn looks down on people who express their emotions and feelings. She berates Sebastian for being weak when his conscience begins to leak through. When he begins to show signs of morality, she feels betrayed, because she always thought they were two of a kind and, as a result, decides to make Sebastian feel ashamed of his feelings for Annette and ruin his relationship with her. Kathryn has trouble dealing with other people’s emotions and despises the facade she is forced to put up in order to uphold her squeaky clean reputation. Because she’s so concerned with her status, the false image she projects to the world causes a certain amount of self-loathing, because she isn’t being true to who she really is. She does feel strongly about double standards within society, but plays the game anyway in order to remain on top.

Enneagram: 3w4 8w7 5w6 Sp/Sx

Note: Kathryn is an extremely unhealthy character with narcissistic, sociopathic tendencies. She could be viewed as an unhealthy ENFJ. She’s manipulative and uses people’s emotions against them to advance her own goals. Everything she does is part of a plot to get back at Court for breaking up with her, which could seem Fe. However, I think her motivation comes from a need to be in control of her environment (as opposed to having hurt feelings about being dumped) and get ahead in life, which jives more with Te. She’s not acting from an emotional place, but because she’s realized she can no longer control, so now she feels the need to ruin him.

Quotes:

Sebastian: Who are you calling? Kathryn: Cecile. [Sebastian hangs up the phone.] Kathryn: What are you doing? Sebastian: Before we go through with this, I just want you to be aware of the damage we’re going to cause. Kathryn: I’m aware. [She picks up the phone and he hangs it up again.] Sebastian: Are you really? I mean, we’ve done some pretty fucked up shit in our time but this… I mean, we’re destroying an innocent girl. You do realize that. Kathryn: Court Renolds is going down and if you’re not going to help me, someone else will. Sebastian: You amaze me. Kathryn: Eat me, Sebastian. It’s okay for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone. But when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile. God forbid, I exude confidence and enjoy sex. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7 so I can be considered a lady? I’m the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I want to kill myself. So there’s your psychoanalysis, Dr. Freud. Now tell me, are you in… or are you out?

Kathryn: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. When I get through with her, she’ll be the premier Blow Job Queen of the New York area and poor little Court’s heart will be shattered. Sebastian: Why go through Cecile? Why not just attack Court? Kathryn: Because if there’s an attack made on Court it could be traced back to me. I can’t allow that to happen. Everybody loves me and I intend to keep it that way.

Sebastian: What’s your plan of attack? Kathryn: I rat Cecile out to mommy. Mommy goes ballistic and ends their relationship. Boo hoo.

Sebastian: Sounds great… I love you too. Kathryn: [mocking Sebastian] “I love you”? My God. You are completely pussy-whipped. Sebastian: Stop it. Kathryn: What happened to us? Sebastian: Nothing’s changed. Kathryn: Yes it has. You’re in love with her, you don’t love me anymore. Sebastian: Come on, Kathryn, it’s just a bet. Sebastian: [after being kissed by Kathryn and pushing her away] This is ridiculous. Kathryn: What’s ridiculous, dear brother, is you! Look at yourself, look at what you’ve been reduced to! Have you given any thought to what’s going to happen when school starts? Not only are you dating Miss Seventeen Magazine, but she’s also the new headmaster’s daughter. Before you know it, you’ll be giving campus tours with her. Oh, wait, her father doesn’t know about your past, does he? I doubt he’d let his little princess be seen with the likes of you. Hmm… It’s so disappointing to see Annette’s manifesto was a total sham. Though, as student body president, I feel it’s my sworn duty to tell him. [picks up the phone and starts dialing] Sebastian: Put the phone down. Kathryn: Shh, this will only take a second. Kathryn: [after Sebastian grabs the phone and slams it down] Hmm, quite the predicament you’re in. Sebastian: I don’t care what you say. The fact of the matter is that I was planning on telling her everything this afternoon. Kathryn: Oh, that’s right, I forgot, you’re so in love. Do you honestly believe you’ve done a complete 180 in the few days you’ve known her? Well let me tell you something, people don’t change overnight. You and I are two of a kind. At least I have the guts to admit it. You were going to leave school a legend, now you’re going to leave a joke. Sebastian: Well, I’m willing to take my chances. Kathryn: Don’t do it, Sebastian. Not only will you ruin your reputation, you’ll destroy hers.

Kathryn: You’re just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with.

Kathryn: You’re telling me you had the chance to fuck her and you didn’t? God, are you a chump.

Kathryn: My advice is to sleep with as many people as possible. Cecile: But that would make me a slut, wouldn’t it? Kathryn: Cecile, everybody does it; it’s just that nobody talks about it. Cecile: So, it’s like a secret society? Kathryn: That’s one way looking at it. [under her breath] Kathryn: Fucking idiot…

Sebastian: What makes you think I’d go for that bet? That’s a seventy-thousand dollar car. Kathryn: Because I’m the only person you can’t have and it kills you.

Kathryn: Oh, she’s crying. Wittle baby’s upset by the big bad book. Sebastian: Shut up. Kathryn: What’s your problem? Sebastian: Nothing. Kathryn: She’s really getting to you, isn’t she? Sebastian: If you must know, yes. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stand that holier-than-thou bullshit and yet, I’m completely infatuated with her. She made me laugh.

Sebastian: What shall we toast to? Kathryn: To my triumph. Sebastian: It’s not my choice of toast, but it’s your call. To your triumph over Annette. [Kathryn laughs] Sebastian: What’s so funny? Kathryn: Silly rabbit. My triumph isn’t over her. It’s over you. Sebastian: Come again? Kathryn: You were very much in love with her. And you’re still in love with her. But it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I threatened your reputation. Don’t you get it? You’re just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with. And now you’ve completely blown it with her. I think it’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. [drinks champagne] Kathryn: Tastes good. So, I assume you’ve come here to make arrangements. But unfortunately, I don’t fuck losers.

Kathryn Merteuil (Cruel Intentions): ENTJ was originally published on MBTI Zone

#Cruel Intentions #Kathryn Merteuil #Sp/Sx #Tritype 385 #ENTJ #enneagram 3 #Type 3 #mbti #mbti types #mbti personality types #fictionalcharactermbti #fictionmbti #movie mbti #enneagram #enneatypes #enneagram type

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meticulousfox-theparadox · 7 years

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DO ALL OF THEM MWAHAHA

Omg. Thanks you evil anon. 😂😂

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

I always add more milk than cereal, and it makes me so sad.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

I actually freaking love it. ngl.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

I sometimes just random strings/ribbons I find, or like a hair tie. But this one time I used bobby pins.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

Coffee: I love diabetes with my coffee. (I love a lot of sugar tbh) which is like so bad for me, but whatevs. Tea: uhh I just drink it???

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Very self conscious, I hate it. But I show it because I’m generally pretty happy.

6: do you keep plants?

No, but I would love to have plants! It would be fun to own a garden.

7: do you name your plants?

I would name them if I had them!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I write poems honestly.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

All the freaking time. I love singing tbh.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I switch between my stomach and my side. But mostly my stomach tbh.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

1-800-DrugFlab. It’s a looooong story. 😂😂😂😂

12: what’s your favorite planet?

Oooo, that has to be Saturn. I just love how it’s a gaseous planet and that gravitational pull of debris that creates it’s rings is pretty freaking tiiiight. In my opinion.

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

Recieving a phone call from a said awesome person. 💕

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

It would look amazing. Tapestrys, christmas lights, and nature paintings everywhere! And soft couches and chairs. With pretty rugs. 😍

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

The largest asteroid ever recorded is a mammoth piece of space rock named Ceres.

The asteroid is almost 600 miles in diameter. It’s by far the largest in the asteroid belt and accounts for a whole third of the belt’s mass. The surface area is approximately equal to the land area of India or Argentina. It’s so big, there’s actually some debate over whether to refer to it as a dwarf planet instead of an asteroid, even if it has mostly asteroid-like qualities.

(Ayyy we all learned something new today.)

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

That’s so hard, because I love all pasta. But I guess my favorite has to be chicken Alfredo.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

I REALLY want to do a black to greyish/white ombre. Because I think I would look so cute with it.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

It was my first year of high school/secondary school. And I was rocking in one of the chairs, I fell back and as I fell, I turned off the front classroom lights which in a way created a spotlight for me when I landed on the ground with a big bang. I was so freaking embarrassed, but my friends found it hilarious.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

I don’t necessarily keep a journal or anything. But on my phone I like to go into my notes and write poems and stuff. Nothing too fancy or post worthy though.

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

I love light coloured eyes tbh. Seeing as mine are brown. I adore blue and green. But blue is my 100% favorite.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

My red backpack I got like almost five years ago. It’s my favorite and I had it through high school and I still use it now when I go sleep at a friend’s house. lol

22: are you a morning person?

Not really. I prefer the night time more.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

I personally just love to listen to music, play video games, or just talk on the phone with people that mean something to me.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Of course. And he knows who he is. (:

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

Uhhhh, my friend’s interested house to plant a vaccuum cleaner in his closet. For his birthday. Annnnnd like I never went there before that day annnnnnd he’s also my general manager at work. Sooo. Lol.

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

That has to be my black vans. I wear them to work every day too.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

I really don’t chew gum tbh.

28: sunrise or sunset?

I personally love the sunset.

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

Sing to me and play guitar. (:

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Oh hell yeah, more times that I can count tbh.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

I wear mismatch socks. With either Disney villians, Harry Potter, or Pokemon on them. I hate sleeping with socks on ngl.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Uhhh, I remember one time we got super drunk at a friends house. We were playing fuck the dealer. Where like you had to guess the card on hand. You had to tries and if you didn’t get it, you had to take the number of that card, in shots. We were so gone, and then after that we just played music, ate taco bell and chilled. (My 3 A.M. stories are usually just drinking or drug related so. Lol)

33: what’s your fave pastry?

Danishes. Cheese or cherry or even blueberry. Mmmmm.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

I had a plush dog that I named Clark and I gave him away to my friend recently because he was moving away from me.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

Uhhhh noooo. I do not. Lol

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

Honestly, EDM artist fit my mood more than bands tbh. 😂😂

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?My room is mostly clean besides like clothes on my bed sometimes. But that’s the worst of it.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

Dishes in the sink, interruption during my favorite part of a song, video game, book, ect. And over neediness.

39: what color do you wear the most?

That’s so hard, cause I wear a lot of colour. I used to wear a lot of black, but I kind of grew out of that. The only time I wear like a lot of black is for work. Hahah. I guess I wear blue a lot though??

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

My gold rose ring that I always wear on my right ring finger. My dad got it for my birthday last year. And it just means a lot to me.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

The Fallen by Thomas E. Sniegoski

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

There’s this freaking coffee shop downtown of where I am! And I can’t remember for the life of me what it was called. But they have the best chai tea lattes and scones. Like omg. 😍

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

My friend Cydnie like two months ago. We traveled to this quiet spot near the water where we could see the big bridge of the city and see all the lights of the bridge reflecting on the water, and the stars were so bright, even with the light pollution.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

Right now tbh. I honestly love my life and everything/everyone that is in it. (:

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

Oh god, yes. My gut never steers me wrong.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I’m a situational pun person, so you only get one. From the last post. (;

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Brussle sprouts. They smell horrible and should fuck off. (Sorrynotsorry) lol

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Fucking Spiders, I still can’t handle them. It’s such an irrational fear that causes me to hyperventilate. 😅

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

Records. The last record bought was a Mastodon album. Once More ‘Round the Sun, to be exact.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

Not odd but plush animals.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

Doses & Mimosas. ✌

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YEAH BOIIIIIII

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

I looooooooove them. Bettlejuice is bae though.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

One of my friends at work, I was very concerned. ):

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

Put myself in awkward situations which calls a lot of attention to myself. (That’s also funny because I comically prove points)

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

Geniune emotions, intelligence, good humour. I find people that just embrace their weirdness and what makes them so very endearing.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

Honestly? It made me extremely happy. And I definitely reenact the lyrics, Every. Damn. Time.

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

I’m the wine mom. Because I love wine firstly and because I’m all loopy and come up with stupid but silly ideas for fun. Plus, I’m like super over caring and giggly intoxicated.

Vodka aunt? Oh man, that has to be Matt. He gets so fucking queenie while drunk. And he even goes overboard and gets to the point where he can barely walk. I love him though, he’s hilarious.

59: what’s your favorite myth?

Vampires. Because low key, I would love to be one if that was even a possibility.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

I love poetry. I have too many favorites tbh.

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

Oh god, I can’t really think of one. On both ends.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

Uh not really but if I did, I would drink Orange or Apple juice.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

Ehhh I just leave them be tbh. I’m really not fussy about it unless there’s a chance of them getting damaged. Then I freak out.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Blue and the sun is out very brightly.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

There are many friends that I miss dearly, and I would love to see them all again.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

Multicolored, vibrant and just free.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

At peace honestly. I love when it rains and I love gloomy weather a lot.

68: what’s winter like where you live?

Not as cool as I wish it was. It snowed here once, and it was just an inch of freaking snow. Which is lameee. But like it’s humid here so it’s weird when the temperature drops and rises. Along with it being so bipolar here.

69: what are your favorite board games?

I always loved Candy Land for whatever reason. It’s the simplest game and a fast playing game. But I guess that’s why I love it. The simplest things make me happy.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

Naaaaaah. And I really don’t plan on it. Call me what you may, but I don’t want to attract any negative energy in my life.

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

I love green tea.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?Depends on what the information is, but for the most part I have a decent memory.

73: what are some of your worst habits?

I have a bad habit of not brushing my hair every day. My hair is freaking curly and when I brush it, it gets all frizzy. It just doesn’t work. But I regret it when I brush it after a shower the next day.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

Short, coloured hair, absolutely hilarious, EDM lover, chill af, loved by most, knows how to have a good time, and a really kind heart.

75: tell us about your pets!

I have a German Shepard, name Attila and he is fucking adorable. And huge.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

I should probably do some laundry, but I really can’t be bothered to do so.

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

Omg pink all the way! I’ll settle for yellow if that’s all you have though.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

Is there an indifferent club? Because that would be where I stand. lol

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

I really think of the cutest. I have had a lot of cute things done for me. Plantonically and romantically.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

There are white, I did not choose this colour. And I would paint it if I could, but alas, I’m in an apartment.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

The eyes that I’m imagining are the deepest blue I have seen. It’s like staring into the ocean and seeing the waves rushing around. There’s a storm in those eyes. And just seeing the waters calm, is like the sun comes out and the blue becomes bright and looks like the sun glistening on the waters of Bora Bora.

82: are/were you good in school?

I was pretty chill at school. I didn’t really do homework though and I skipped class a lot. Which I really regret now, but when I go back I’m planning on being completely focused and working towards my goal.

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

Mastodon’s album covers are nice tbh. Plus some of the EDM artist artwork are beautiful ngl.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

I have so many tattoo plans, if I even started to explain all that I wanted there would be a novel here to read. Haha.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

Nah I don’t. It never called my attention, but I never even tried so. Hmm.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

Ehhhhhh.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Lord of The Rings Phantom of the Opera&&&Moulin Rouge.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Not that I know of really. But I’m open to explore them!

89: are you close to your parents?

I’m really close to my dad. I have no relationship with my mother and that’s whatever tbh.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Tumblr post: “I’m in love with cities and countries I never been to.” I can’t even pick a favorite yet because I haven’t gone to them yet.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

If I had the money, there are many places I would be travelling this year.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Droooooowns my pasta in cheese. I fucking love cheese, man.

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

I wear my hair down the most, I really don’t do much with my hair. Other than wash it and go.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

My queenie boo Matt. We went out to dinner and then went to a gay bar for karaoke, it was so lit.

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

I really don’t think that far ahead?? All my plans are very spontaneous. The way I like it tbh.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

I have no computer and it fucking sucks.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

ESFP! Sun Taurus! And Ravenclaw!

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

I went hiking like three or four months ago? With Cydnie and Matt. It was really fun. Even though we couldn’t find the waterfall.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

Pretty Girl - Cheat Codes X Cade remixStay Free - Proto ft. DjodieFriends - Chase Atlantic Drowning - Eden ProjectMad Hatter - Melanie Martinez(There’s so many more)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

Five years into the future, because I would like to know if I’m on the right path to a good future or if I have changes to make. The future scares me the most.Plus, I wouldn’t change my past because that’s what made me who I am today. And I like to think I’m a pretty great person. (:

That took fucking forever, I had to really think about this. It was fun though. So thanks. Haha.✌

#asks #anon #answers

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insanemoonfish · 7 years

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(tag) Wait, these are actually hella cute questions

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? ...I don't remember. I don't think I've ever held someone's hands for more than two seconds.

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Definitely shy. I wouldn't mind being reserved if I wasn't so damn awkward sometimes.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Nobody in particular. Maybe a future friend?

4. Are you easy to get along with? I think I am, and I try to be, but it's hard for me to get close to people.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? I don't like anyone at the moment, and if I did I can only hope they would. I'm apparently not a good judge of character. *sprinkles salt*

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Genuinely nice and intelligent people.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I surely won’t.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? The first to come to mind is one of my male childhood friends.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Not if it isn't about me, about someone I know or about something particularly gross.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Can't remember. Such conversations rarely happen.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Do I really have to go check...

12. What are your 5 4 favorite songs right now? Not exactly favorites of right now as some I rarely listen to anymore. More like favorites of all time. M2U - gravity Rebecca Sugar - love like you Coldplay - every teardrop is a waterfall + a piano lullaby called Snow Heart.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Hmm, I wonder. Some people did that to me a couple of times, but briefly because it was more out of curiosity than affection.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? No.

15. What good thing happened this summer? Good and bad things happen all the time. Not avoiding the question at all...

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I believe not (damn you Fermi), but... logically... there should be? I hope there is.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I cut ties with them because I couldn't handle my emotions, simply put. Childish, I know, but it turned out for the best. They talk to me once in a blue moon these days, but we keep our distance.

19. Do you like bubble baths? I don't think I've ever got one but I'd love to.

20. Do you like your neighbors? Yes, they're quiet and keep to themselves. That's all I want them to be.

21. What are you bad habits? Biting my nails, overthinking, both overestimating and underestimating myself, sighing, misunderstanding or/and neglecting people, I could go on.

22. Where would you like to travel? Take me to the beach, please. Or to an amusement park.

23. Do you have trust issues? Trust Issues? Yes, that's me. Nice to meet you.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Going to bed, lol. Seriously though, just going to bed and indulging in that delicious false sense of security under the mattresses. Maybe read a bit on my phone. Forgetting time exists, not having to worry about a thing until I wake up...

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My face. I think it looks perfectly fine, but it's a face I somehow don't identify with. I know that's weird - maybe I'm just not attached to it? Also, my expression awareness seems to be poor. People asked before what I'm happy about when I'm sad and vice-versa.

26. What do you do when you wake up? Remind myself of why I should get out of bed.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I wish I was less pale so people wouldn’t think I’m a vampire.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My sister, because she manages to be even weirder than me.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No.

30. Do you ever want to get married? I'd like to, but I doubt it'll ever happen.

31. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? Yes, my hair's quite long.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? No threesomes for me, please. And I can't even name a celebrity from memory.

33. Spell your name with your chin. kikxdcklx... I hope you're happy.

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Nope. I like to swim though.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? If you mean literal TV and not anything video related, this question is ridiculous. I'll take the music.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Only one person. I had my reasons, okay?

37. What do you say during awkward silences? It's an awkward silence, so I say nothing. It's an endurance test my listener has to pass... Jk. I point out something hopefully interesting around us.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Similar to that 'what turns you on' question. I'm not picky. If someone's truly trying their best to be a good person, they’ve already won me over, unless they have some serious character flaw.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Big stores that have a lot of everything and impersonal customer service.

40. What do you want to do after high school? I'm currently studying Biomedicine in college. I want to get into Biotechnology but I have to study math and chemistry on my own first.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I don't know. I'm inclined to say no, that the past repeats itself, but I have no evidence to the contrary. I think it's safe to say that not everyone, in the sense that their doing may have been too vile to be allowed repetition.

42. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean? That I’m distracted, probably, though I could also be either comfortable or uncomfortable (how paradoxical!).

43. Do you smile at strangers? ...Sometimes. I wish I could keep a poker face at all times. It's easy to get a smile or scowl out of me.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Both would be amazing, but since the prospect of swimming around God knows what terrifies me, I'll take the space trip. For the no-gravity time, too.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Vague hope...

46. What are you paranoid about? People's intentions...

47. Have you ever been high? No, but I wish I knew what it feels like.

48. Have you ever been drunk? Not by much. I dislike the taste of alcohol and I suspect I'd dislike the consequences of over-drinking even more.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Not really? Though, to be frank, I hope nobody knows almost nothing of anything I do. I value my privacy.

50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore? Plain black.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Is there anyone rich and healthy around so I can steal their soul?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Hard question. We're talking about magic here, right? I'd like to magically be more knowledgeable. Omniscient if possible.

53. Favorite makeup brand? I spend almost nothing on makeup, so guess.

54. Favorite store? I have a cloth store in mind, but it's not that great.

55. Favorite blog? Maybe Wait But Why.

56. Favorite color? Blue, pink, gold, black and white.

57. Favorite food? Salmon sushi.

58. Last thing you ate? Instant ramen. I was craving it, okay? Leave me be.

59. First thing you ate this morning? Instant ramen. *hides*

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Chess and illustration when I was younger. They were just silly school competitions, though.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? I can't say I was the most obedient or diligent student in middle and high school, but I never came close to being suspended… I think.

62. Been arrested? For what? Woah. Let's not.

63. Ever been in love? Probably not.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Well... Someone tricked me into doing it. I didn't really know what I was doing.

65. Are you hungry right now? Not much.

66. Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends? They're all real and thus have the same value to me.

67. Facebook or Twitter? I don't use Twitter.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? I don't use Twitter.

69. Are you watching TV right now? Nope, not even listening to music.

70. Names of your best friends? I'd rather not without their permission, and I don’t plan on asking, so...

71. Craving something? What? Sushi...

72. What color are your towels? White. I hate colored towels, it’s hard to see if they’re wet or dirty.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One thin one.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No. I love plushies, it’s unfortunate I’m allergic to dust (and too lazy to wash them every week).

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I donated all the ones I had as a child.

75. Favorite animal? Arctic foxes, aka the cutest creatures alive.

76. What color is your underwear? Lol! Black.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate all the way.

78. Favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate/hazelnut, bubblegum, and mint.

79. What color shirt are you wearing? Dark gray pajamas.

80. What color pants? Dark gray sweatpants.

81. Favorite TV show? I have only seriously watched The Big Bang Theory, Steven's Universe and House for now. Oh and Cosmos!

82. Favorite movie? Can't choose. Maybe that version of Frankenstein that came out in 2015. I really liked that movie for some reason.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Uh.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Uh.

85. Favorite character from Mean Girls? Uh.

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo? Uh... I don't know.

87. First person you talked to today? My sister.

88. Last person you talked to today? That's impossible to answer right now.

89. Name a person you hate? Nope...

90. Name a person you love? My best friend.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Yes, haha.

92. In a fight with someone? Yep.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? Three.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Four or five. I love sweaters and hoodies, I don't have enough of them.

95. Last movie you watched? Can't remember.

96. Favorite actress? Don't care about that.

97. Favorite actor? Don't care about that.

98. Do you tan a lot? I stay in the sun quite often but my skin burns instead.

99. Have any pets? Two cats and one dog, all adopted.

100. How are you feeling? Oh, we don't ask that question around here. Please don't ask. Lol, jokes aside... I'm fine right now, but I'm also always worrying about, um, everything? Like, is there any way to really cope with life? As far as I know I'm a meaningless existence doomed to disappear ignorant of everything. I don't know how I should feel and the only thing that brings me comfort is believing nothing truly matters. Still, I’m working hard in the case there’s hope for us…

101. Do you type fast? Yes.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes.

103. Can you spell well? If I am calm and think before speaking. Otherwise I'm as eloquent as an excited ten-year-old.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? I miss how some people were back then, and my friendship with some others.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes, it's great.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I doubt it.

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes, my parents took me to ride some a couple of times.

108. What should you be doing? You got me! I should be studying.

109. Is something irritating you right now? Yes. I'm expecting a friend today, and her approaching visit time is making me nervous... I can't focus until she's here - actually, I'll be like this until she leaves.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? It hurts? How exactly? Even if they reciprocate your feelings? Now that I understand the question, yes. Isn’t it interesting how your mind can make your body hurt? In those times somehow my throat aches more than my heart.

111. Do you have trust issues? This question again?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mother. I broke down in the car after something really bad happened. It was a terrible year, I was dealing with suicidal thoughts, mild chronic pain, isolation, social anxiety, violent nightmares, and depression. And despite trying to stop crying immediately she told me to shut up! I'll never understand why she was that insensible. Maybe she was ignorant of my problems in a way I can't fathom because they were so obvious.

113. What was your childhood nickname? Isa, a short version of my first name.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? I once traveled to a different state when I was 6.

115. Do you play the Wii? I would if I had one.

116. Are you listening to music right now? No.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? No.

118. Do you like Chinese food? No.

119. Favorite book? Oh, this I definitely can't choose!

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Only in rational cases like walking by possibly dangerous streets. I actually find dark places comforting.

121. Are you mean? I try not to be.

122. Is cheating ever okay? I don't see how it could be.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Not in the least.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Only in attraction at first sight.

125. Do you believe in true love? I do. True, not selfless and/or unconditional love, okay? That'd be quite inhuman.

126. Are you currently bored? No, this is entertaining.

127. What makes you happy? Serotonin.

128. Would you change your name? I wouldn't care to change it.

129. What your zodiac sign? Leo.

130. Do you like the subway? When it's mostly empty, yes. It's pretty.

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Screams internally as they'll probably rather leave me than return to the friend zone.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Didn't I already answer that?

133. Favorite lyrics right now? M2U - Gravity

134. Can you count to one million? Maybe in hell, that’d be a fitting task for such place.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I've always been a terrible liar. Once as a child, I told an obvious, cringe-worthy lie to my teacher thinking I was totally fooling her, don't recall what about. Good thing I at least noticed when she clearly didn't fall for it.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed.

137. How tall are you? ~1.60 cm.

138. Curly or straight hair? I love curly, messy and/or fluffy hair, but mine's straight.

139. Brunette or blonde? Brunette.

140. Summer or winter? Summer! I can't deal with this cold!

141. Night or day? Night at home, day outside. I have a love-hate relationship with daytime... Sometimes daylight makes me feel wonderful and energized and other times the brightness deeply irritates me.

142. Favorite month? November. I just like how it sounds, lol.

143. Are you a vegetarian? No.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark.

145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee, but only with milk.

146. Was today a good day? Yes! Though today just started.

147. Mars or Snickers? Neither?

148. What’s your favorite quote? Quotes!! I have a small collection of them that I love so much I made a post about it.

149. Do you believe in ghosts? No.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? Yes, finally, I'll know the answer to Everything! *leaves in search of a book* I got a dictionary. High-contrast (alto-contraste; I'll translate): technique or process to eliminate, totally or partially, the middle tones in a photo or stamp.

#classic 3 AM post so nobody will see it #tag

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somebodye-lse · 4 years

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it is midnight right now and i have to up in 6 hours because of work but instead i am writing this post while eating a bowl of fried noodles because why not?

i feel like it is that time of the day again for me to pour out all of my emotions again and when i get up in the morning, it will be a fresh start. funny how the title of my blog is ambiguous but i am not really that ambiguous. i literally say the truth, my truth here and i think i am more truthful here than anyone. it is strange that i can be so open and honest at a platform this empty yet so vast than the people who i am extremely close with.

i think i have that fear of being judged or look at differently. i have to be perfect and make people assume that i am perfect even when i am not. hence, this platform is so comfortable for me because i am just a post to readers. i choose what i want to express and i am selective of my words to say.

but i am not perfect. i have so many issues in my life but i feel like it is best to just keep it within me. there is no point for me to tell people about it all the time even though it is bugging me 24/7. i feel like the only people who is willing to listen to you are probably psychologist and that is because they are paid to do so (lmao).

so the second best choice apart from therapy? writing. just babble away. if no one is reading, they will skip it. you’ll never know so your feelings would not get hurt.

then i come across this statement via this facebook post and it make me reflect and come to a conclusion that is - everyone will eventually disappoint you but the only person that you can’t disappoint is yourself. the reason being is that whatever choices you make is by your own accord. you are very much aware and very well-informed about the things you do, say and decide. if there is come a day when you are disappointed in yourself, you’re really not. if you do not make silly choices in your life then you would not become what you are today which is a better version of yourself. how is that a disappointment? i think it is liberating. you are evolving you become your own evolution over time,

make silly choices, do stupid shit and decide what your heart desires. it may not the best but you get to learn from it and be the best version of yourself.

i feel that once people are disappointed in you, there is no turning back as to how they see you. they will constantly remind you of that thing you do that make them turn away. you could be the best version and yet they will still remind you of it. reminders are good because it keep you grounded. you may be in the skies but you came from the dirt ground - remember your roots. but it is a vast different when they use your weakness to drag you down back to the dirt ground.

but then again, it is midnight. i am full and sleepiness is slowly kicking in and time to go now.

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riaa-isabel · 4 years

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When you discover that you are going to be a mother, everything changes for you. At least for me, it did (but I’m sure it does for MOST women). All you care about or even think about is taking care of that tiny life inside of you and keeping them safe.

After my surgery, I was in the hospital for two weeks, on STRICT bedrest…and I mean STRICT (poop in a bedpan strict). I’m sure you can imagine laying in a bed all day long is EXHAUSTING! Especially when you have to rely on everyone else to do things for you. During those first couples of days, I did okay. I was strong. I was a momma on a mission. I was doing what I needed to do to help my daughter. I wasn’t alone; I had BJ, my mom, Monica (my sister), BJ’s Parents (Mando & Rachel), and an ARMY of nurses looking after me. I had my village. My people. They were with me ’round the clock, helping and getting me whatever I needed. I was in great hands.

But after a few days, when everything calmed down and we realized that the scariest moment had passed, everyone had to go back to work & take care of business. Of course, they would come and visit me when they had the time. When BJ had to go back home, my anxiety level went from 0 to 100 instantly. I didn’t know how I was going to survive all the time in between. I freaked out and just kept thinking what if I need something? What if I can’t reach my phone? What if my call button falls and I can’t get to it or call for help? All of these things were running through my head. I know it might seem silly to worry about my phone, but, it was my only way to keep in touch with anyone. If it fell or died and I couldn’t get to my charger, what in the world was I going to do?

God bless my sweet momma for putting up with me. I can honestly say that without her I don’t think I would’ve done as well as I did. She stayed with me EVERY single night that BJ couldn’t be with me. There are not enough words to express my extreme gratitude to her for being there for me. She is an angel. I mean, we all know those hospital sofa beds are not comfortable AT ALL! But she toughed it out all those nights with me & still managed to make it to work at 4 o’clock in the morning the next day.

I was a mess. My hormones had my emotions running wild & all over the place. I remember trying to fall asleep at night and I couldn’t. Instead, I would completely break down in tears because I was so afraid. If you have ever had to stay in the hospital for a long period of time, I’m sure you know just how awful it can be. I know people always say that it’s “the time to relax and get some rest” but…seriously? When has anyone in the hospital ever gotten “rest”? Nurses check on you at odd hours of the day & night and sleeping in those beds is nothing like sleeping on your own, in your own house, surrounded by your own belongings. I absolutely hated it.

I’m going, to be honest with you, if it weren’t for God and my long talks with him (and trust me, they were looonn6./÷≥;’]nggg) I know my spirit wouldn’t have been okay. I felt so alone. Trapped. Don’t get me wrong, I knew EXACTLY why I had to lay in that bed. But it wasn’t easy. No sir, it was no walk in the park. God was testing me and teaching me. In those dark and early hours in the morning, when my mom was at work and my nurses had done their shift change. I would stare at the ceiling for what seemed like (and honestly probably was) hours. Just hoping and wishing that the time would fast forward. After talking with God, praying to and praising Him, I knew I wasn’t really alone. I knew that He was with me.

And…

I still had Scarlett.

WE were doing this TOGETHER.

In those still and quiet hours, I would talk to her. I would wait to feel her move and when she did, my heart felt so full of joy. She was my purpose for being there. Keeping her SAFE was my job. And if my job required me to lay in bed 24/7, then dang it, that’s what I was going to do! God is in control of all things. He writes our stories, knows our hearts and walks us through this life. He is in control of everything, but there was this ONE thing that I could help with and the was laying in that bed. Trying to keep a positive spirit and give all my worries to Him was something I could do too.

Because of that, he blessed me every day. Every morning when I woke up I would thank him for allowing Scarlett and me to make it through another night. When evening came I would thank him for another day & I would ask him for another. For two weeks, he answered my prayers.

Two weeks.

Then my whole world changed all over again.

Two days before Scarlett was born, I started bleeding again. I remember my sister and brother-in-law had just left after having dinner with me. I was talking to my sister on the phone (yeah, we are close like that. We talk ALL of the time lol), when something just didn’t feel right. I called my nurse and told her to check on things. She did, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary to her. A few calls later she realized I probably shouldn’t have been bleeding so much. The doctors were called in and they did a pelvic exam. They realized my bags of water were still bulging out, but they didn’t want to do anything for fear of causing more harm than good. After a while, they decided it was best to send me back downstairs to L&D (I had been moved to an antepartum floor). So downstairs I went (for the 3rd time). It seemed as though every time I made it another week, they were sending me downstairs because my bleeding would start up again. Up until now Scarlett was never in any distress and seemed content right where she was.

Thankfully that night she didn’t come. It wasn’t until the afternoon of the following day things started happening again. This time my brother had come to visit, and while we were talking I started having these cramp-like pains. I told my nurse about it and she advised me to keep track of them and if they continued to increase I should let her know. (My brother did a better job of keeping track than I did lol) After 3-4 hours of this light cramping that came and went the doctors were called in again. They did an ultrasound and realized I was dilated to a 3 and Scarlett was now facing down, in position to start making her way out. I guess they were in denial or maybe they were hoping I would just stay pregnant a little longer, but they didn’t think anything was going to happen that night. Instead, they gave me some medicine they said would put me to sleep.

Boy were they wrong. Oh so very wrong.

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Chapter Two: One Day at a Time When you discover that you are going to be a mother, everything changes for you. At least for me, it did (

#23 Week MICROPREEMIE NICU STORY #Bed Rest #High Risk Pregnancy #Hospital Bed Rest #Micro-Preemie #Motherhood #NICUMiracle #PregnacyStory #Scarlett Rain

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wellthatwasterrifying · 6 years

Text

100 questions with 100 answers

One time in 2012 I answered all of these questions and I wanted to redo them because it felt fun to see what all had changed

http://wellthatwasterrifying.tumblr.com/post/24306127834/100-answers-to-100-questions

The old one. ^^^^

The new one vvvv

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

Honestly I don’t use iTunes very much anymore. I use a lot of spotify but here’s iTunes

“Who’d have known”- Lilly Allen

“Forever” - Youngblood Hawke

“A Poetice Retelling Of An Unfortunate Seduction“ - Bright Eyes

“Shot of Love” - AC/DC

“Something in the Way You Are” Kimbra

This feels silly because I haven’t listened to most of these in years

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

I’ll keep it with Brendon Urie. /shrug

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“Like Gansey, he had studied the ley lines for years”

4) What do you think about most?

Lately I think a lot about the future and what I want from it. Are the choices now leading to the future I have imagined or will what I’ve imagined change drastically in the next few years? Are the decisions I’m making now good enough? Of course they are.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Oh it’s much less academic than what I had in 2012, almost shamefully so.

“I can ask him tomorrow but we are good with pretty much anytime Friday”

6) Do you sleep with ____ or without ______ on?

I sleep with music on or without the TV backlight on.

7) What’s your strangest talent?

Honest to god I can’t think of one. But I think that speaks more to my lack of being able to think on the spot than my lack of a strange talent.

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

Girls are hurricanes; boys are sea shores.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Yeah I have. Good times.

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Probably the last time I answered this. LIE. It was when I was thinking of ideas for a bar.

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

I still don’t think I have anything that I’d call a phobia, but I’m not fond of speaking in front of large groups.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Most likely

13) What’s your religion?

I’m a Christian. Baptist. Southern Baptist. Only in the sense that I was raised that way, it doesn’t really impact my life or sway any decision that I make anymore. I don’t believe that there is some omnipotent being controlling or judging every decision we make.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Lately it has been studying because there’s a super nice little court yard area outside of the pharmacy building that I really enjoying sitting at

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

I prefer to be behind the camera. Forever behind the camera.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

I don’t have a specific favorite anymore. I’d still probably say Say Anything out of reflexive habit, but overall I don’t listen to any one particular artist anymore.

17) What was the last lie you told?

"It was only 3 scoops.“

18) Do you believe in karma?

Yeah. Yeah I do.

19) What does your URL mean?

There was one time my tumblr post started getting posted on my twitter account which my mom followed. So she sent me this text message about how my account must have been hacked because it was not a “teresa’s daughter” post. That was a terrifying moment.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I’d say my greatest weakness is my inability to believe in myself sometimes, I put myself down instead of realizing that I am actually pretty amazing. My greatest strength though is realizing other peoples strengths and pushing them to utilize them to their greatest potential.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

BREEENDON URIE [told you he would be back again][and again]

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

shhhhhhh

23) How do you vent your anger?

I don’t have a great way to vent my anger anymore. I used to write it down, but now I just internalize it until it bubbles over. Like I said not a great way. I’m working on changing it into “talking” about my feelings.

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

A collection? Not unless the sheer amount of books I’m trying to amass is considered a collection. lmao I’m still collecting books.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

I prefer talking on the phone

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I am really happy with the person I’ve become. I do still have a lot of things to work on but it would be boring if I weren’t a work in progress.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I haaaaaate the sound of Jenny doing flea bites. Drives me crazy. I love sleepy voice.

28) What’s your biggest "what if”?

What if I had realized I was holding onto the wrong thing sooner

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

It’s possible

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Both touched the arm of the chair. Because I’m in an arm chair.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?

The smell of some vaguely gross carpet that is in the process of being fixed.

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

The farm my sister was on all those years ago. Still true.

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?

East Coast, but I’ve never been on West Coast.

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

BRENDON URIE [and again]

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

I think the meaning of life is to find as many of the moments that make you feel like exploding from happiness, that bubble up from the inside and pour over.

36) Define Art.

Emotional outlet for those who can express themselves through a medium. Damn. I was smart in 2012. What happened!

37) Do you believe in luck?

A lot of where I am now feels like luck

38) What’s the weather like right now?

I wanna say overcast and maybe drizzling

39) What time is it?

11:02pm

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I do drive and yes I’ve crashed. whoop whoop.

41) What was the last book you read?

The Raven King, again.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Not very much but I do like the smell of it on someones clothes after they’ve been messing with a car or something.

43) Do you have any nicknames?

I do. The kids at work call me Aims and sadly the people at school call me Boose because I was trying to tell them my last name is said like rice but I shorted out and told them it sounds like juice. So I’m forever known as Boose.

44) What was the last movie you saw?

Venom

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I accidently cut my hand on a pocket knife and had to receive stitches. I was only like 6 though, so that’s no big deal. Still the worst

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Are there people who haven’t done this? Like not having caught a firefly, sure, but a butterfly??

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?

BOTW

48) What’s your sexual orientation?

Straight. Honestly probably Bi.

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Yeah but I can’t remember what it was anymore

50) Do you believe in magic?

Only in a young girls heart.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Not intentionally. I seem to have gained some unhealthy habits from my parents and may have accidentally gained their ability to have a hard time letting things go. But not for everything. Right?????

52) What is your astrological sign?

Sagittarius! I’d hope this was the same, except there was that scare where they talked about adding another sign and that would have changed mine.

53) Do you save money or spend it?

Save it. Mostly.

54) What’s the last thing you purchased?

It has been a few days since I’ve bought anything…gas?

55) Love or lust?

Sometimes I think lust would be more fun, but love is more worthwhile.

56) In a relationship?

yeeeeeees (but I want to know who I was dating in 2012??? Zach??? noooo Matt????)(was that you matt???)

57) How many relationships have you had?

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No. No I cannot.

59) Where were you yesterday?

I went to my parents for family day/jackson’s birthday.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Gummy worms

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

yesh

62) What’s your favorite animal?

Dogs. I really think they might be my favorite. I feel so guilty not changing this to cats because blueberry is the light of my liiiiiife.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I notice little things about them

64) Where is your best friend?

At her home.

65) Spit or swallow?(;

HA. Wouldn’t you like to know!

66) What is your heritage?

Dutch on my dads side and Irish on my moms. (supposedly)

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Laying in bed debating whether or not I should sleep.

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?

[ ] Did I even type anything here in 2012?? I tried to copy and paste and now I’m thinking I was playing a trick on myself.

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

This is like the butterfly question. Hasn’t everyone?

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Sometimes, but I also know I’m a bit odd.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

LMFAO. I wish you knew my boss now. I’d save the dog. Thomas can suck it.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

A) I wouldn’t make it public but I would tell my core.

B) I’d spend as much time as I could with the people I love because that’s what this is about for me.

C) yes

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Trust.

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Stonewallin’ by Jane Decker(?)

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

2259. This wasn’t true in 2012. What was I doing???

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

I think it’s communication and trust. Knowing that they’re there for you and vice versa.

77) How can I win your heart?

Listen to what I have to say

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Depends on how insane you are

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

To go after what I want and not look back. I will climb this damn mountain.

80) What size shoes do you wear?

8.5 I think…

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“She was…”----this is actually still fine because right now all i can think is “She tried...”

82) What is your favorite word?

incorrigible

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

felt

84) What is a saying you say a lot?

This is true. Awwwww man. 6 years later and I still say this a lot. How do people put up with that?!

85) What’s the last song you listened to?

Them Dirty Bones - Mike Waters

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

Red!

87) What is your current desktop picture?

Hipster shit.

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

There isn’t anyone I would kill…

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Why

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

SCREAM my head off. Or panic and have a heart attack.

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Teleportation without having to have visited the place before.

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

That one.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

blogger. or that one time in the parking lot at UGA where I felt like the world was falling apart again.

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

BRENDON URIE [again again]

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Iceland

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?

Yes

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?

No, but I almost did once instead I threw up in a CVS parking lot which felt fitting

98) Ever been on a plane?

YES

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

get a grip

100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on Tumblr.

sheissuffering

Cooncomic

thatoneismine

burgertv

done

I don’t know. I’d say I only have two favorites

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snowdice · 4 years

Text

Goblin Brain Study Session Fic 1 [Day 35]

Because I don’t want to just have walls of text for my Goblin Brain Study Session posts, I’m separating them by days. If you want to read the previous chapters, click the links below. Chapter 13 and what I have done of Chapter 14 is under the cut.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

See this post for more details and feel free to send me asks to keep me going! It’s been a lot of fun so far! I will reblog this post with the story as I write them today.

The Gobiln Brain is a problem today. I’d planned to start like 2 hours ago. :/

Remy was slumped down in his seat as Emile continued to lecture him on all the possible consequences of his actions in the past 24 hours. Jeezy creezy was Emile miffed about all of that. Remy had been trying to blow it off, but Emile was fully, painfully aware that he almost had lost his brother today and Remy was going to hear about it until Emile’s lungs aches.

“And another thing…” he said.

“Wait,” Remy said, and Emile did because there was a lace of panic to his tone.

“What?” Emile asked.

“The tracker stopped working,” Remy answered pushing buttons a little bit desperately on his device.

“It went completely offline somehow,” Remy said.

“Did it get turned off?” Emile asked. “Or run out of batteries?”

“It doesn’t turn off and the batteries are designed to last for years,” Remy said. “It can even track through 20 feet of water. The only way it could stop sending a single this abruptly is if the thing was destroyed.”

Emile paused. “You said Virgil knows what the blinking light means.”

“Yes.”

“Is it possible that he knows, or well, ‘knows,’ you’re dead? Barbara did send a man after him, he could have mentioned it.”

Remy stared down at the device in his hands.

He pressed a couple of buttons and studied the screen for a moment. “You little shit,” he groaned. “You threw it out the fucking car window, didn’t you?”

“How do you know?” Emile asked.

“Because if I look at the history, it was going at 65 miles per hour down the interstate, suddenly stopped cold, and then broke when another car inevitably crushed it.”

“Ah.”

Emile rolled his eyes, but Remy wouldn’t have noticed as he had his own eyes closed. “Hmm. So, I’m Virgil. My bitch mom killed my dad and sent someone after me. I have no idea what’s going on, but I bolt out of there because fuck mom. I want to get the hell out of dodge so I convince someone to drive me somehow, I guess, but where would I want to go? Someplace safe. Where’s safe? Maybe Emile, but obviously that’s not where he went. Or Janus, but he’s too connected to mom. I don’t really no anyone else, especially not someone who could help with this sort of stuff.”

Remy thought for another long moment. “Oops.”

“Oops?” Emile asked. “What oops?”

He could tell by the expression on Remy’s face that he was not going to like the answer. “I may have let something… slip.”

“What do you mean, Remington?”

“Um, well you see,” Remy said. “A couple of months ago Virgil was being, you know, himself: a little shit. He may have, possibly, found some papers.”

“What kind of papers?” Emile asked.

“They were nothing important!” Remy assured. “There wasn’t any dangerous info in them or anything, but…”

“But?”

“It is somewhat possible that they had the name on them.”

“How possible?” Emile asked, eyes narrowed on him.

“He asked what Green Bellow Foods was and why they needed 50 top of the line computers outfitted at an old factory.”

“And what did you tell him?!”

“Nothing!”

Emile glared at him.

“Okay, well I had to tell him something,” Remy mentioned. “I just kind of said that I knew the owner well and was working with him on some stuff. Then I told him not to worry about it, which was probably a mistake, because he’s Virgil. So, then I found him snooping in my car. At that point I had to sit him down and talk to him. So, I told him a bit about Logan.”

“Remy that’s not nothing!”

“I didn’t use his name or anything. I just told him a couple of really, extremely, tremendously, vague stories, so he didn’t think I owed money to the mafia. Which, yes, he did suggest.”

“That’s worse!”

“What do you want from me Emile?!”

“Some common sense!” Emile answered. “I’ve been comparing you to the rat in Ratatouille for years, but I’m starting to think you’re more of a Pinky from Pinky and the Brain.”

“Hey, ouch,” Remy replied. “Also, I personally subscribe to the theory that Pinky is actually the intelligent one who is foiling Brain’s evil plots from the inside. So, there.”

“Now is not the time,” Emile said.

“Oh, it’s not the time to discuss cartoon theories?” Remy mumbled into his lap. “Must be serious.”

“It is serious! Virgil is missing!”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” Remy snapped. “I know, Emile.”

There was quiet. Emile took a breath. “Okay,” he said, calmer. “Do you really think he’s going to Logan?”

“He’s headed somewhere,” Remy answered, “and wherever that somewhere is, it’s inexplicably down the most direct route towards base.”

“Well, Virgil is smart. I don’t think he’d just keep going so quickly without a destination in mind. We should call Logan.”

“Do you honestly believe Barbara doesn’t have your phone tapped when Virgil is missing? If you had one of Logan’s phones, I might agree with you, but as it is, we’d be giving away our position, and possibly clueing her in to Virgil’s plan. If he shows up at base, Logan will take him in no question asked. It’s less dangerous for everyone this way.”

“Fine,” Emile said. “We’ll just keep driving towards Logan and hope you’re right about where he’s going.”

“Of course, I’m right,” Remy said lightly. “I’ve got the paternal instincts going on. Course, they didn’t stop the knife throwing incident of ’09. I blame Janus for that, though.”

Emile shook his head at him.

“You’re doing the thing again,” Emile pointed out calmly.

“Stop psych evaluating me,” he shot back.

“Fine, fine,” Emile said. “Keep distracting yourself from your emotional responses with silly stories. See if I care.”

“Thank you,” Remy replied. “I will.”

Emile sighed as he started back up again mumbling something about having taken away Virgil’s Gameboy after catching him playing it at 3 o’clock in the morning. He claimed this wasn’t because the boy hadn’t gotten any sleep, but because he insulted Donkey Kong to Remy’s face. After that story had run its course, Remy continued to babble at an increasingly fast pace about all sorts of things. Emile imagined most of the stories he sprouted out were quite embellished.

He’d tried to turn on the radio once, but Remy had slapped his hand away saying, “The next one’s a really good one.” So, he had resigned himself to his fate of tuning out Remy’s coping mechanism to the best of his abilities and just focusing on driving for the next 45 minutes. Which is probably why he noticed that traffic had strangely decreased. He didn’t really pay that much mind until the traffic suddenly increased… in the form of a wall of stopped cars.

“Jenkies, what’s going on?” he asked, as he came to a stop at the end of the line of cars.

Chapter 14

“You two doing okay back there?” Roman asked, glancing into the rearview window at them as he exited the interstate onto highway 236.

“We’re perfectly fine,” Janus replied evenly.

“Ow ow ow ow ow! You’re crushing me!” Remus complained. Janus was currently sitting on his chest, pinning him to the back seat.

“You should probably put your seatbelt on,” Roman advised.

“You’re probably right,” Janus agreed.

“No! Get off!” Remus said. “Or I’m going to scream!”

“Oh, because you don’t scream randomly when someone isn’t sitting on top of you?” Janus shot back. Roman officially liked Janus; he’d just decided. “Give me that!” Janus said, and a moment later, Remus’s phone was thrown into the passenger seat.

Remus whined and Roman glanced back at them once again, amused. That is when he caught sight of a car behind them. He glanced at his speedometer and then back at the car. Roman was currently going a little over 90mph, having slowed down a bit now that they were off the interstate. Yet, the car was gaining on them.

“Hey,” Roman said. “Wh-,” and that’s when a bullet came through the back window right past Janus’s head. “Holy fuck!” Roman screamed, swerving a bit before getting the car back under control. Remus grabbed Janus by the front of his shirt and pulled him down as more bullets rained on them courtesy of the car Roman had spotted. The glass from his car’s back window shattered over the two of them.

Roman pressed his foot down harder on the accelerator and started purposefully swerving to throw off their shots as Remus shoved Janus down onto the floor so he could lunge into the front seat. He grabbed the gun Roman stored in his glove box and loaded it with practiced ease.

“My bag,” Janus requested, and Remus threw the asked for object over his shoulder before rolling down the window.

“Methinks mommy dearest’s people may have found us,” Remus commented.

#study break stories #remy sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #guns #platonic moxiety #platonic remile #creativitwins #emile piccani

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myownpersonalonlinediary · 6 years

Text

Wednesday, September 19, 2018//9:49 p.m.

Wow each time I write an update on this, I look over how much I have changed. Time really does heal. The last sentence of my last post said that I was working on getting over B.V. and I can finally say that I have finally gotten over him and it’s all thanks to J.G. I am currently listening to “Writer in the Dark” by Lorde and it literally has never been more accurate. Especially the lyrics, "Break the news - you're walking out to be a good man for someone else. Sorry I was never good like you”. These lyrics really resonate with me because I remember about how many times he gave me shit for not being able to express my feelings and how he basically called me heartless. Now he’s with another girl and he seems way more stable than he could ever be with me. I don’t doubt that we are compatible I just don’t think the timing was right and now I feel too strongly about someone else that I don’t think I can ever go back to him even if he asked me to. I try to hate him but I really can’t if I am being completely honest. We have too much in common and I know this sounds silly but we literally have the same taste in shoes. He recently bought some white hightop converse and I have wanted to get some for a while now and I am just so shook because I can see myself reflected in his style. As I’m listening to this Lorde song, she goes on to say “But in our darkest hours, I stumbled on a secret power. I'll find a way to be without you, babe” and I’ve realized that I have found a way to live without him. I didn’t think I was going to be able to get over him as fast as I did. I thought that I would still be dwelling over him at this time of year. And I think that a huge reason why I am no longer hung up on him is because of J.G. I like this boy so much and he’s so good to me and treats me like a queen like no boy has ever treated me. I really do think I am on the path to falling in love with him and it scares me so much. We are so different, especially because he is very privileged and way more rich than me and it scares me so much like nothing has ever scared me before. This summer I went to NYC and I met up with him and we had dinner at an extremely expensive restaurant. He treated me like a whole queen and then he got us a hotel in Manhattan. He is just so sweet and so genuine and so honest. The weekend after that he came to visit me here at Williams. We were literally together 24/7 and I loved it. It felt so real. He is just so real. We went to the clark and we partied together and he met all my friends. that was the happiest I had been in a while. this summer I decided to delete B.V. from my snapchat and it was the best decision. I realized that my social media really revolved around me trying to get him to see all my content. Fuck that. Once school started I started to develop more and more feelings for J.G. and it just scares me so much because I have not opened up to him completely but it is because I am scared that we are not on the same page about what we are. I want this to be for the long term. I can just feel myself falling for him and I want to tell him everything about me. I want him to know everything there is to know about me because I know I have never opened up to a boy like that and I want him to be the first one I choose to open up to. He just makes me so happy and my stomach flutters when he texts me and when I think of alll the memories we’ve had together. I am just so grateful that he came into my life and that he is still in it :) There are so many songs that remind me of him and I love it. He has opened up so much to me and I am so grateful for that. I am on my period so maybe that is why I am so emotional right now but wow this is the first time in my life I can actually say that I can really see myself loving this boy . For the longest time I thought I loved B.V. but I think that was just passion because real love is not supposed to make you feel shitty about yourself. I love kissing him, I love having sex with him, I love talking to him, I love cuddling with him, I love watching him sleep, I love his lips, his nose, his skin, his hair, his eyebrows, his laugh, the way he holds me, the way he treats me. I don’t know where this relationship is going but the only thing that I am certain about right now is that he makes me so so so happy and I know I may read this in the future and laugh but at this exact moment in time, I can say that I am the happiest I have been in a very long time. :) :) :)

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