#i even read this allowed to the hubs

[anxiety-pickle]

Jade + Aventurine analysis bc you guys can't read

A somewhat pretentious analysis of Jade and Aventurine by your friendly local neuroscience major (with receipts) (I am putting my academic knowledge to good uses obviously)

Let’s recap what we know about Aventurine

He is, insofar as he’s aware, the last surviving member of the Avgin people of Sigonia

Is he actually the last member? It’s unclear, but the IPC seems to think so (which will become relevant later)

The genocide of his people occured on the day of the Kakava festival, his birthday, by the Katicans, an opposing clan of the Avgins. Both the Katicans and the Avgins were exiled to the desert because of the fighting. The assorted clans of Sigonia were not willing to protect the Avgin people, and they knew that if they were to be let inside the city, the Katicans would follow

The origin of their fighting is uncertain. It is implied that none of the clans got along well. (Aventurine’s second character stor)

Why did the genocide happen? Because of the Katicans and the IPC

But wait!! I hear you yell, didn’t you just say the Katicans are the ones who killed the Avgins?

And to that I say, yes! I did! But the IPC is still the reason they died. During the 2.1 story, All the Sad Tales, during the cutscene with Kakavasha and his sister right before the massacre. 

“Little do the katicans know, this time we will fight back! The men in black that descend from the skies are on our side. The Katicans stand no chance against them…” (Kakavasha’s Sister)

This means that the Avgin people only decided to fight back because the IPC told them that they’d protect them, which they clearly did not do

The IPC also had a financial motive for getting rid of the Avgin people (and the Katicans, though that’s not relevant to the discussion)

We can see in Aventurine’s character story I, “And let’s not forget the letters from the councilors of the Sigonian Sovereignty. They denounce his tribe for once breaking arrangements and sowing discord… resulting in repeated delays in the signing of agreements between Sigonia and IPC.”

The IPC therefore had a very clear motive for deceiving the Avgin people and allowing them to enter a fight unprepared

To make matters worse, the IPC, the hub for technological advancement, medical discoveries, etc, could not save a single person? Not a single man, woman, or child could be saved? Forgive me if I find that unbelievable

“The clan launched a massive attack on the Avgin… who were under the protection of the IPC, resulting in 6,728 deaths and 3,452 missing.”

So… around 4,000 people were missing…? This brings me to my second concern:

The Katicans do not particularly strike me as the type of people who take prisoners - their goal is clearly to exterminate the Avgins

4,000 missing individuals implies that either

1) The IPC did not give a single fuck and simply decided not to search for them (didn’t bother collecting their bodies, tracking down the Katicans who took them, giving them proper burials, etc), or,

2) The IPC DOES know where they are, and decided to mark them as missing persons

As far as real-world tragedies go, I am not inclined in the slightest to give the IPC any benefits of the doubt. These are the same guys who nuked Boothill’s planet. And are currently extorting Belobog. And canonically forced Topaz’s planet into indentured servitude (and were likely going to try the same with Belobog). We don’t even know the full extent of the damage they’ve caused, honestly, and I don’t think we ever will.

After the genocide, there is an unspecified period of time between Kakavasha’s escape and his enslavement. The ‘indifferent man’ in his quest calls him a “scrawny brat”, so he was probably a teenager/young adult at that time. It’s unclear what his history was prior to that point, however we do know:

Indifferent male: “The guys in black didn’t say much…”

…the guys in black? As in, the IPC? Those are the EXACT WORDS that Kakavasha calls the IPC workers multiple times throughout the quest

It also means that he bought him from the IPC

So, at the VERY LEAST one department of the IPC was involved in human trafficking

It would make sense if the IPC had somehow captured him at some point, as he would’ve been like. An unsupervised 7yo in the desert. And of course, upon realizing someone survived the massacre, decides to ‘maximize profit’, for lack of a better word

It’s unclear to me currently why the case of Kakavasha tricking the IPC and the Intelligentsia guild is called the “Eghazyo Aventurine case” because this would have happened before Kakavasha became Aventurine, unless this is a mistake or mistranslation. The voiceover seemed to imply that the name of the case was aired during the time that Kakavasha was testifying, so I doubt that it’s called the Aventurine case because Kakavasha became Aventurine

Another option I’ve seen is that ‘indifferent male’ is the previous Aventurine, which I can’t confirm or deny, though it seems likely

Only thing that doesn’t make sense to me is that if he was the previous Aventurine, why would he call his fellow IPC workers “men in black?” Does anyone know if there are other instances of IPC workers calling each other this?

Aventurine is forced, by ‘indifferent male’ to kill 34 other slaves. He essentially Hunger Games’d 35 people. It’s also implied that it was broadcasted, because other people were betting on it and were making comments about he “looked good”.

At some point, Aventurine manages to trick the IPC and Intelligentsia guild into believing that the remains of Tazzyronth (or the Sand King) are buried in the unclaimed Sigonian desert, costing the IPC billions of dollars and eventually killing the man who bought him (rightfully so)

After that point, he’s taken to trial before Jade, where he strikes a deal: he gets off death row if he proves to be a good investment

Now, let me make myself clear: Jade did not save Aventurine from shit. Aventurine got himself out of a horrible situation by any means he had available to him, and those means happened to involve leveraging his situation and putting his life on the line to prove to Jade he was a worthy investment. I’ve seen people try to argue that ‘joining the IPC is what Aventurine wanted’ but I think this is a shallow and disingenuous argument because it removes the context of his decision entirely. He did that because he felt cornered, and then, presumably, because he hoped he could use the power within the IPC to protect other Avgin people (which is why he asks after them in his character story). I also saw people saying that Aventurine deserved to be on trial…. Which is certainly an interesting opinion. Mind you, the man who Aventurine killed was responsible for the deaths of 34+ people and was actively buying human beings on the black market, so as far as I’m concerned killing him was an act of public good.

A few more things to clear up about this situation:

In the IPC broadcast about the Eghazyo Aventurine case, it conveniently leaves out that Aventurine was enslaved, probably because that could influence public opinion; additionally, I think the erasure of the whole ‘slave’ thing was just to cover their own ass because they knew that shit wouldn’t fly

Aventurine was not ‘in control’ of this situation; too many of you don’t understand what coercion is and that scares the hell out of me. He killed that man because that was the only way he could be free, and after that the IPC sentenced him to death. It isn’t a choice when your only other option is death. It baffles me that people think this.

Jade does not give a single fuck about Aventurine beyond what he provides to the IPC because she cannot conceptualize relationships or the value of human life outside of a transactional purpose, which tracks with her being a debt collector…

Jade literally says, and I quote, “A servant should obey his master”. For the people in the back, A SERVANT SHOULD OBEY HIS MASTER. Who the fuck says that. Even if she isn’t personally involved with whatever human trafficking the IPC has going on (which I seriously doubt she isn’t at least aware of, given her rank), she sympathizes with a literal slave owner over his victim which is genuinely insane.

Something also incredibly important: Aventurine had no legal defense

Like… none at all? I’m not overly familiar with the US legal system, but even in this case I feel like there would be some kind of self-defense justification. Like. He bought people. On the black market. And then made them kill each other. I don’t think killing him warrants a death sentence for Kakavasha (especially one that holds over once he’s a Stoneheart)

This extreme overreaction on behalf of the IPC probably also has something to do with him not having an ‘interastral refugee travel permit’ (mentioned in the first broadcast message during All the Sad Tales) which also begs the question what in the godamn fuck is an interastral refugee travel permit. I can only assume that the IPC is handing out these ‘travel permits’.... Which also means that they are directly responsible (for the sole survivor of a genocide THEY caused) not having one

The fact that the legal system is structured like this does not surprise me at all. It was stacked against him from the beginning and we need to stop pretending this was a power play on Aventurine’s part rather than a desperate last ditch attempt at some form of freedom

Additionally, Aventurine’s banner is literally called “gilded imprisonment” and his light cone is called “inherently unjust destiny” like they literally could not make it more obvious. He just exchanged his old shackles for shinier ones :/

Something else I’d like to point out: Penacony has a grand overarching theme of “a cage is still a cage”; in fact, Himeko says that verbatim in 2.2! I think that’s also important to consider when looking at this situation. 

Also, Aventurine also feels so little autonomy that he was literally willing to kill himself to escape. Like full stop kill himself. His future self tells him that “death” is the only real freedom he will ever experience, and I think that alone demonstrates that the IPC has done nothing more but lengthened his leash. I don’t think it’s fair at all to claim that any of this is what he “wanted” or that he’s like. Enjoying himself. Because 2.1 makes it so abundantly clear that he’s fucking miserable. Like you’re aware that this is still coercion right. What do you think happens if he stops performing well? What do you think the IPC will do to him if he is no longer producing money for them? Quickly. Look me in my eyes

Now onto the elephant in the room: Jade herself

Personally I find her character design gross fetish-bait, but to each their own I guess. It’s not really my business if you like her character for whatever reason. I’m not saying that you can’t enjoy her character, but I do think people should be examining their reasons for liking her a little more closely. Or at the very least not making jokes about slavery. That is very strange. 

I’ve seen a lot of people say that we should reserve judgment for what her character is like until after she’s out; I disagree. I think we have everything we need. (This is coming from someone who could see Aventurine’s backstory from a mile away and predicted it in 2.0. So far my track record is unblemished but if you don’t want to take my word for it I have evidence).

Let’s take a look at her eidolons:

E1: Altruism? Nevertheless Tradable

E2: Morality? Herein Authenticated

E3: Honesty? Soon Mortgaged

E4: Sincerity? Put Option Only

E5: Hope? Hitherto Forfeited

E6: Equity? Pending Sponsorship

That’s a mouthful, right?

Eidolons are supposed to be the truest reflection of one’s soul and provide us information on the character themself. All of her eidolons reference a kind of transactional relationship - in which she evaluates concepts like altruism, morality, and honesty on a scale of how much worth she can drag out of them. This is consistent with what we’ve seen from her character so far. I find the specific statements ‘Hope? Hitherto Forfeited’ and ‘Equity? Pending Sponsorship’ to be… so sinister lmao. Like she is straight up saying the quiet part out loud. Now let’s compare her eidolons to Aventurine’s:

Aventurine’s E1: Prisoner’s Dilemma.

The Prisoner’s Dilemma game theory wherein two people, separated, must cooperate for mutual benefit, or betray their partner for an individual reward. This perfectly reflects Aventurine and Ratio’s plan in 2.1, and goes to emphasize the importance of trust that Aventurine has. 

Aventurine’s E4: The Unexpected Hanging Paradox

At first inspection, the ‘unexpected hanging paradox’ appears to be a regular thought experiment, but actually has to do heavily with probability. The Unexpected Hanging Paradox entails a situation where a criminal is sent to death, however the Judge does not tell the prisoner which day he will be executed on, only that the executioner should ‘surprise him’ over the course of the next week. The prisoner therefore concludes that he will not be executed because it will be impossible to surprise him based on a game of probability. This directly references Aventurine’s experience in court both as Kakavasha, on trial for murder, and when he confronts Sunday.

We can see here that eidolons are absolutely reflective of character goals, intentions, and thoughts. Jade’s eidolons are based entirely on a manipulative, exploitative worldview. Whether or not her worldviews include herself are up for interpretation at this point, but it’s obvious to me that she sees Aventurine as an investment and not a person. The first thing she comments when she sees Aventurine is how pretty his eyes are - immediately assigning material value to his body, which is especially gross considering she is well aware that he was enslaved. 

Then, at the end of 2.2, she makes another cameo - and Aventurine does not seem to receive her well. Understandably so. He mentions wanting to “escape her” during his phone call, providing us with insight into his framework and how he perceives her. He literally uses the word ‘escape’. He does NOT like her. Jade proceeds to call him “child”, which I interpret as at least partially demeaning. She also didn’t seem to care at all when she thought he died in 2.1, so I’m not really sure where anyone got the idea that they were close. 

As another note on Jade’s character design before I wrap up, I personally find it extremely uncomfortable that she has a whip. Again, I’m not going to tell anyone that you can’t enjoy her character, but there are definitely some extremely strange undertones that hyv is leaning into that I really don’t appreciate. I also think the greater reception of Jade’s character deserves its own post because I don’t even know where to start with that. 

So, giving Jade EVERY benefit of the doubt, we can conclude that she: she ONLY knows about the enslavement - but has no personal ties - and does not care, does not appear to care that her colleagues were participating in human trafficking (specifically seemed more put-off about the lack of revenue than the various human rights violations, which makes sense because she doesn’t seem to care about any of the other human rights violations, such as nuking planets, either), would have had no problem sentencing him to death had he not been a company asset, implied that slavery is good, claimed that she didn’t know why Aventurine would kill the person who owned him because it ‘didn’t benefit him’, is participating in the repossession of Penacony by the IPC, is a debt collector (derogatory), did not gaf that her colleague was going on a suicide mission, and did not gaf when her colleague presumably died. 

Footnote: Before you start, no disliking Jade but liking Aventurine is not misogynistic (and that accusation is, in itself, misogynistic), yes, it is disingenuous to claim that Aventurine was not coerced, it is also disingenuous to claim that the IPC had no knowledge of the human trafficking, yes you can still like her. Idgaf. And stop making jokes about racism and slavery, it’s weird and I think your brain should be studied in a lab so that doctors can determine what is wrong with you

In conclusion:

Media literacy is dead and the hsr fandom killed it. 

#hsr #hsr jade #hsr aventurine #i hate it here #i should've known better than to get into another hyv fandom

[teabutmakeitazure]

Cogency of the Deluded

>Yan! Chrollo x Fem! Reader

>Word count: 2.9k

>a/n: similar to Prerogative I wrote for Childe! Might give this one a part 2 who knows

Part 2 | Part 3

You love your parents.

You really do.

But when they’re casually laughing with the man who is the bane of your existence, you really want to bring yourself to express your displeasure. However, you don’t have the heart to shatter their beliefs, so you remain quiet, only nodding when absolutely necessary. It’s an outdoor setting, an outdoor restaurant. Of course you don’t want to make a scene either.

Chrollo eyes you with a challenging smile while your mother is busy whispering to your father, asking if they should invite him over for lunch the next weekend. You hate it. You absolutely loathe that when you glare at him, he simply looks smug in return.

He stalked you even when you were with your parents and had the gall to approach the little family outing and as the cherry on top, was invited to join them for dinner by your own father. You father! The man who gave you a stern look whenever you even mentioned a male specimen from your class or such invited this vexatious individual to join you all for dinner!

This is too unbelievable to be true.

Being the ‘gentleman’ that he is, he won the little discourse over the bill and ended up paying for everyone. You’re certain that your mother is just swooning on the inside. If only your parents were aware that auctioneering isn’t his actual profession. Ah, such a smooth liar.

Well. At least you know that you won’t be able to down the ice cream you were planning on eating after you got home. There is no way you can stomach it after seeing how your mother had innocently asked Chrollo how you both became friends. God forbid the proud smile on his face haunts your nightmares. You don’t think you would be able to sleep again if that were to happen.

You remain quiet during the entire exchange. Your mother obviously notices that something is wrong, but before she could ask you, Chrollo answers.

“[Name] and I recently had a little disagreement. I can understand why she’s quiet.”

“Did you?” Your mother's attention shifts back to him. “What happened?”

“I had asked her to allow me to meet the both of you. She… hadn’t appreciated that,” he chuckles. “I once again apologise if I happened to intrude on this family outing.”

Then sound more sincere when you’re sorry!

“Not at all, son,” your father replies. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

Your mother expresses her happiness and fortune of meeting him as well, and he just smiles at that, not even bothering you a glance.

"Ah, where are you from?" Your father finally voices the billion jenny question, the possible deal-breaker. "I don't believe I asked you earlier."

Your attention shifts to him, every ounce of it directed towards him and observing every single twitch and change of his facial expressions. To your dismay, it remains the same. No change occurs, and it's almost as if he isn't a person who doesn't exist by legal records.

"York New." The lie slips through his lips with ease like the many others he's woven this evening. "I started my career there as well. It's a hub for auctions and merchandise of all sorts."

"That explains your accent," your father chuckles. "You must've picked it up with all the sophisticated people around haha!"

Your mother smiles at the jest, and you have to refrain yourself from making a disgusted face. Chrollo continues humouring them, telling them about his hobby of reading and how it actually shaped his way of speaking and vocabulary more than his surroundings did. You figure that this statement might be the first truth he's told this evening except for his name.

Speaking of names, you hope to God that neither of them ask his full name. You don't even want to know what second name he might make up.

"And what about your parents? What do they do for a living?"

Ah. There goes another question. Will your father drop the enquiries already?

"I apologise if this makes the conversation awkward, but they aren't around." Chrollo looks at your mother with a little smile and if you were in her shoes, you would call it sad. "I grew up without them. I'm afraid I don't know much about them."

Well. That's another truth. How much is he willing to divulge?

Your mother returns his smile with one of her own. It makes you happy that she's so sweet but knowing who's on the receiving end makes you borderline nauseous. "It's alright my dear. You have us, so don't ever hesitate to ever ask us anything or reach out if you ever want to."

Did… did she really just indirectly adopt him?

"Thank you very much for your hospitality ma'am. I'm actually quite glad I gathered the nerves to approach you tonight." Grey eyes now staring at you, he gently nudges your foot under the table and you freeze. "I just hope that [Name] forgives me for doing so without her permission."

A challenge. He wants to see what you do next. Should you say something? What should you say? You can't possibly tell your parents anything. He's already painted the perfect picture for himself. There is no possible way that you could defile the painting without revealing the truth.

Doing something so horrible to your parents is out of the question. They don't deserve to see their daughter be harassed by a criminal in front of them. No. Not at all.

Chrollo nudges your foot again, smile widening and you snap out of autopilot. Mind blank, you hastily reach and grab at anything you can in your brain, any string of coherent words that you might voice as an answer. Unfortunately, your pacifist nature allowed for one single word to be spoken.

“Alright.”

Your mother elbows your side. Groaning, you side eye her for the abruptness of the action, but she simply shrugs. Excusing herself for a moment, she goes to whisper something in your father’s ear. Dread settles in when the man opposite to you smiles at you again, the chatter of the outdoor restaurant being the only noise that covers your wildly beating heart.

You sincerely wish you could go home already.

The seconds that pass by during your parents’ hushed conversation feel like hours. Chrollo, however, finds your anxiousness amusing. He rests his chin on the back of his palms and outright ogles you, uncaring of your father taking notice of the action. His gaze along with the background chatter proves to be too much for your brain, so you look away but he nudges his foot against yours once more.

There’s no reaction from your side. You know what he’s trying to do, and you refuse to give him the satisfaction. Being the persistent man that he is, he hits his foot against yours again before giving it a harder nudge, one that instantly makes you face him again. There’s no reaction from him except for a tilt of his head and his narrowing eyes.

Finally. Finally your mother separates from your father’s side, a soft smile on her face when she looks at you then to Chrollo.

“Chrollo, dear, is it alright if you drop off [Name]?”

What?

“I want you both to work out any arguments you may have,” she continues. “You may drop her home when your differences are worked out. I’m sure you won’t give him trouble, right [Name]?”

Her voice was strained when she said your name. It’s a warning from her. You know that, yet you still tell her that it’s nothing but Chrollo cuts you off.

“I would love that. Thank you, and I’ll be sure to drop her off as soon as possible.”

No one listens to your hesitant objections, and your parents simply bid you goodbye, leaving you standing alone outside the restaurant with the man who’s been terrorising your life for a significant amount of time.

When they’re roughly out of earshot, he speaks. “They’re a lovely bunch. I’m glad I met them.”

“Please, for the love of God, Chrollo don’t hurt them.”

He turns to you, hands in his pockets. “Who said anything about hurting them?”

Speechless, you look at him with your mouth open. He seems as nonchalant as ever. Maybe even content. It makes you all the more unbelieving of his words. “I mean it. Please, Chrollo. Just… listen to me.”

Glancing to the direction where your parents took off, you breathe a sigh of relief when you don’t spot them but immediately turn back to the man in front of you. Your index finger and thumb grasp his sleeve, eyes pleadingly looking into his. “Don’t hurt them. You… you would either hurt them or… or…”

You can’t bring yourself to voice the other possibility. Chest heaving, you sincerely hope that no one around you notices the state you’re in. Eyes fall to the ground, staring at your shoes, but you push through even against the fuzziness in your head from the anxiety. “Or you would… would end them. Please. Let them be.”

There’s no immediate answer from Chrollo. You wonder what kind of face he’s making but with your gaze fixed on the ground, you don’t have it in you to look up and face the confirmation of your fears. A few dreadful moments pass without any words spoken, and when you feel like you’re finally at your wits end, he grabs your chin with his other hand and makes you meet his gaze.

“Like I said, there’s no reason for me to hurt them.” He smiles, rubbing the corner of your eye and catching a tear before moving onto the other. “They brought you into this world. I don’t see any reason why I should treat them with anything less than courteousness. And to be frank, I’m looking forward to having lunch with them. It’ll help me get to know you better. How their personalities and habits shaped you is something I find quite intriguing.”

You retreat your hand, holding it to your chest by the wrist as though you just burned yourself. Chrollo simply chuckles at the display, both hands now holding your face as his thumbs run over your cheekbones.

To any onlooker, the scene might resemble that of a young couple spending time together but to you the scene is of Chrollo implicitly showing his power over you. It’s honestly disturbing how he reduced you into begging without even giving a direct threat.

“So, where do you want to go? We don’t have any arguments to make amends for, so we might as well kill some time.”

You gently brush away his hands, afraid that using too much force might invoke his wrath. “I don’t believe you. This… this can’t be right.”

“Am I so bad that simply being nice to you is suspicious?”

“You have no idea.”

Chrollo’s grin widens. “Unfortunately for you, you don’t have a say in whether you want to go or not. I’ll give you another chance. Pick a spot or I’ll pick something for us.”

You internally shudder at the word ‘us’. "I don't believe you when you say that you won't hurt them."

"You won't believe most of what I say until I do it," he challenges. Begrudgingly admitted, he is right. You didn't believe him when he said that he knows where your parents live. If you didn't still live with them, the signed flower bouquet he sent might've been discovered.

You don't humour him with a response, watching how he raises his sleeve to check the time. "One hour," he demands, "I want at least one hour with you and only then will I allow you to go home."

"As if I can't just get a cab if you refuse to drive me-"

"I used the word 'allow' for a reason, darling." Hands once again in his pockets, he gives another one of his smug smiles. "It would be daft of you to think that I can't monopolise you in this way."

A thought slithers into your mind. You could just run away, turn on your heel and not look back. This is a public place. The most Chrollo can do is run after you, but when the chatter and noise of the people around you floods your hearing, you throw away the idea. It will never be worth the risk.

Putting innocent civilians in danger just to act out a little temper tantrum is not what you want to do. But still… the prospect of seeing his eyes go wide as he watches you go farther and farther from his reach is tempting. For once, you want him to know what it feels like to be helpless.

"What might be more important than me that you've drifted off?"

Perhaps you'll get lucky and dream about that expression on his face.

"My parents. Let's just go, Chrollo."

He slings his arm around your shoulder, satisfied at your compliance. "Next time," he whispers, "I'll take you to where I'm staying."

The ice cream in your freezer lives to see another day it seems. There is no possibility that you can stomach it after all this.

-

"I might take offence if you remain this silent."

You cross your arms at Chrollo's words, letting the silence in the car persist. After parading you around with your hand in his, you are in no mood to entertain him with conversation. The vicissitude of your situation has been anything but pleasant or welcome, and you're sure that the man driving the car revels in your displeased attention.

"Are you mad at me?"

Shaking your head, you settle your eyes on his hands. They grip the steering wheel, muscles flexing whenever he moves it. Perhaps the possibility of you gazing at his arms is why he folded his sleeves. You did notice that he stopped wearing coats around you when you accidentally did that once, sleeves randomly exposing his arms every now and then.

"If you aren't mad, then why aren't you speaking? You know I love your voice."

You sigh. "I'm tired."

"Hm."

Chrollo takes a right turn, and you watch how his hands move the steering wheel, fingers elegantly tapping an unfamiliar tune on the surface. You feel your eyelids get heavy, but you refuse your body any sort of rest, readjusting yourself in your seat when you notice Chrollo going straight instead of turning left.

“Hey, that’s the wrong way,” you call out.

“It’s the wrong way for one destination but the right way for another.”

“Chrollo, turn back.” Unable to dig up any courage when he continues driving, you don’t even try to look at him. “Please, turn back. I need to go home.”

Your voice comes out shakier than expected, and Chrollo graces you with a brief glance. However, he continues driving. There’s no sign of him stopping, so you try your luck again.

“I need to go home. My parents will be worried. Please.”

“Had they been worried, they would’ve called you,” he reasons.

“They’ve sent me texts.”

“My point still stands.”

“They didn’t call because they trusted you with getting me home safely.”

“I am taking you home.”

Eyes fixed on your fidgeting hands, you take a deep breath, voice low. “That’s not home.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

The car slows as though reflecting Chrollo’s slow consideration of your words. On the next junction, he takes a U-turn, but neither of you comment on it. It’s a little over half past ten which is very late into the night by your standards to be out. You’re sure your mother is worried. You just wish that he realised that instead of messing with you.

The promise to take you to wherever he’s staying is still haunting you.

Silence once again fills the car. Chrollo’s lack of comments is partly due to your timorous demeanour. He doesn’t wish to upset you more, but he still wants to mess around. Thus, he internally debates whether or not he should let his hand roam over your thigh all the while glancing at you now and then.

Before he could reach a conclusion, the car stopped in front of your home. Your hand immediately reaches for the door handle but Chrollo is quicker, locking the car through the driver’s controls and simply smiling at you when you look at him appalled.

“Your mother is watching,” he points out,” so try to be civil.”

“How do you know?”

“The kitchen window. She’s peeking through the curtains.”

She was very likely waiting for you to come back home.

Chrollo instructs you to remain seated, but exits the car himself. Smoothing out his shirt, he casually saunters over to your side, opening the door for you and gesturing you to take his hand when you get outside. You know what he’s doing. He’s putting on a show for your mother. How charming.

Chrollo calls your name when you’re near the door, but when you turn back, he doesn’t say anything. All he does is walk up to you and lean in. Lips tickling your earlobe, he whispers in a low voice like he’s sharing a secret between the two of you.

“I’ll drop by after midnight. Don’t lock your window.”

The silence of the residential street is synonymous to your speechless reaction. Suddenly, you regret not taking up the attic as your bedroom.

#hunter x reader #yandere hunter x reader #yandere hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter #chrollo lucifer x reader #yandere chrollo lucilfer #yandere chrollo #yandere chrollo x reader #chrollo x reader

[lalalian]

futuristic dr ideas pt.1 : jobs

date: march 24, 2024 (technically march 25, it's 2 AM rn)

If you're interested in more futuristic dr things, I posted a video on tiktok with more futuristic stuff

A lot of this stuff is inspired the things I've read in cyberprep books!

disclaimer: none of my ideas are made by AI, sometimes I may be aided by AI to get inspired (especially with civilizations). If I do use AI somewhere in my ideas I’ll be sure to let you guys know!

World Acclimatizer

Also known as an ‘Acclimaitzer’

These help people move to other planets by aiding them in adapting to either living in space or living on different planets. World Acclimatizers often work closely with primary care doctors, and are extremely well-versed in non-earthly sicknesses and the effects space has on the human body. Realtors from other planets will always refer their clients to an Acclimatizer if the house is located on another planet.

Planetary Humanitarian

Planetary Humanitarians promote natural and peaceful development in other planets. These people typically advocate for limited human interaction with other life, some even going as far as to never stepping off earth. Planetary Humanitarians tend to dislike Civilization Examiners.

Cybernaut

Cybernauts work with techspace (technology relating to space) engineers to test out products. These people are often pretty popular in the media sphere because, as I mentioned earlier, many engineers are inclined to sponsor them. Cybernauts can frequently be seen in AR Gaming hubs and Cyber parkour arenas (more about those in the tiktok linked to this post)

Cybernetic Designer

Cybernetic body parts are designed by these people. These parts are not designed to look realistic like the prosthetic parts we see today. Most designers specialize in a body part, the most popular one being the left arm. Cybernetic designers are not licensed in creating full body AI androids, but they can create parts for androids.

Android Engineer

Android Engineers obviously do have some sort of license to make androids, but there are different tiers to an android making license:

Limited 2D Design: Very similar to character ai or j.ai bots, these bots do not have a physical form and can only be spoken to through text. They may have voices or a 2D body.

AR Immersive Experience: Like love and deepspace but with AR, you can feel, hear, and taste the android only through AR goggles. Some android engineers make their own goggles to allow their customers to feel a more personalized experience with new features. Why is this a completely different tier from 2D design? There's more room for corruption both mentally and digitally (hacking). The AI that makes the bots act so human can make the bot become too sentient, which could make them want to break free from the simulation.

Small Non-Human Physical Design: Most people with this license make android pets. Dogs are obviously the most popular, but jelly fish and vampire squids are popular these days. This license requires more training than the AR experience degree because these androids exist in the physical world.

Non-Human Physical Design: Designers with this license are not always involved in the abstract or purely artistic sphere. Many make hyper realistic android animals to blend in with the environment to either monitor species development, observe other planet-life in a non-invasive way, or encourage certain behaviors in animals. Even if the creature is not considered large, designers who plan to enter this field of design must earn this license because of this job requires complex AI design and ultra realistic visuals.

Non-Interactive Human Design: Designers with this tier do not create androids with crazy complex AI models. These androids are often displayed in museums, and are no where near sentient enough to even speak outside of a few lines, if that.

Life-like Interactive Human Design: This is the highest tier. People with this license often advocate for equality amongst humans and androids. Anyone with this license should exercise caution when making their androids, as talented designers can make androids that are so indistinguishable from humans that they become acknowledged as civilians rather than 'product'. Reports against designers with these license are taken extremely seriously.

Civilization Examiners

I'm planning to have a DR with this job kekekeke. I'll tell y'all storytimes if I can get myself to focus on shifting instead of scripting 😞

There's two kinds of civilization examiners: public or non-public. Public examiners assist journalists and researchers after living for days, weeks, months, or even years on a different planet. They collect data like plants, animals, environmental samples, and most importantly, get as much information as possible about other civilizations. Civilization Examiners are required to be at least semi- decent artists because they need to be able to draw what they see. They are required to come back with information about the civilization's culture, religious customs, traditions, language, fashion, appearance, parenting style, government, and more importantly, alliance potential.

edit: I forgot to talk abt non-public examiners 😭 non-public examiners work for the government and are apart of the CIA. Public examiners research about alliance potential, but not nearly as intensely as gov examiners.

istg more shifters need to talk about their futuristic drs :(

#reality shifting #shiftblr #shifters #shifting blog #shifting community #shifting diary #scripting #desired reality #lalalian

[thewalkingwillowtree]

Safe Haven

Series Part Listing Found Here

Neteyam x Original Na'vi Female Character

Summery: Seeking refuge, Xilä and her father venture to the lands of the Omatikaya clan, in the hopes that the Toruk Makto would be generous in allowing them to stay. This is her story about not only finding her strength, but finding love. 

Warning: This story contains smut, violence & abuse (please don't read if these topics will affect you)

Some characters have been aged up. Neteyam in particular is 23.

Xilä is my own creation.

~

Part 8 - Misunderstandings

Although Salveen and Jxo’s tent was relatively small, ever since Xilä had moved in, it had quickly become a social hub- much to the elder’s delight.

Salveen loved to entertain guests. So whenever the Sully siblings, Spider and any of their other friends came by to visit Xi, Salveen was always happy to whip up something tasty for them. 

The kids- as Salveen liked to call them, although all adults now, with the exception of Tuk, had started a weekly game night involving a combination of human and Na’vi games- resulting in a fun but boisterous atmosphere, especially when things turned competitive. 

Neteyam had learned early on that Xilä was quite competitive herself. He enjoyed sitting back and observing her taunting words towards her opponents, the excited glint in her eyes when she was about to win, her banter with his brother and Spider when things got heated, the little dance and handshake she and Kiri would do whenever they’d beaten the guys. 

She was a sight to behold and it was always difficult to look away. 

Tonight however, the first thing he noticed was that she seemed different. She was quiet. Reserved. Almost as if in a daze. 

Neteyam had arrived late and smack dab in the middle of a heated game between Lo’ak, Spider, Kiri and three other guys they usually hung out with. They were all seated around the rounded table in the centre of the tent, talking loudly and animatedly to each other. 

“You’re such a cheat monkey boy! I saw you hide something under your butt!”

“Oh yeah?” Spider taunted. “Come see for yourself then,” he said suggestively. 

“Don’t be gross man, that’s my sister,” Lo’ak grumbled over a mouthful of whatever treat Salveen had prepared that night. “Xi, are you sure you don’t want to get in on this rou- Tuk, would you let the girl breathe already?! She hasn’t even gotten a turn yet!”

Tuk, who was seated in Xilä’s lap, spat out her tongue at him. “We’re having girl talk Lo’ak!” 

Kiri snorted. “Tuk do you even know what girl talk is?” 

“Of course I do. It’s when girls talk. Duhhhh,” she sassed with an eyeroll before turning back to Xilä to continue to say whatever she was before. 

“See this is why I say we should leave her at home,” Lo’ak complained, “but noooo, because mom says if she wants to go, we have to bring her along.” 

“Neteyam, hey man,” W’aote said, being the first one to spot him arrive. “Sub in for me this round will you? I’ve got to piss,” he requested, standing and leaving before Neteyam could even respond. 

Neteyam sat in his spot, greeting everyone as he did. He looked over to where Xilä and Tuk were seated on the other side of the table with an expectant stare, waiting for her to acknowledge him..….but she didn’t. 

Clearing his throat he asked, “ Where’s Salveen and Jxo at?” 

“D’avi’s,” they all replied simultaneously with the exception of Xilä.

“Xi, do you want to play this round?” he called out with a grin, but it soon dropped and his ears fell backwards when all she gave him was a polite smile and a quiet, “no thank you.” 

Throughout the night it became abundantly clear Xilä was avoiding him and he fucking hated it. She still smiled and laughed and participated in a few of the games, but he knew her so well by now, he could tell something was wrong. 

She was not herself….she was not herself with him specifically. Her smile never met her eyes when they fell on him, it was almost as if she was forcing herself to be around him. 

Later into the night, when he finally got paired with her for a team game, she kept her head tilted so that her hair cut off his view of her face. His jaw clenched and he ground his teeth in irritation and his desperation to find out what caused this sudden change, intensified. 

They had no privacy being in a room full of his siblings and friends. A few times he asked her under his breath if she was okay, and each time she’d smile and say she was fine.

It was a fucking lie of course. He was fighting a powerful need to toss her over his shoulder, march them out of there and make her tell him the truth. 

Neteyam was so focused on Xilä, and trying to figure out what had happened in the few hours he had left her alone, he was oblivious to his brother’s concerned glances. 

Lo’ak seemed to be the only one to pick up that something was off between the two. He didn’t comment on it of course, but decided to keep the others distracted and unaware of the strained tension emitting from them. 

During their final game, Xi was the first to lose. Feigning a headache, she stood and bid everyone goodnight before making an escape to her room. 

Neteyam cursed under his breath when Kiri stopped him from trying to covertly sneak after her- announcing to everyone, it was his turn to play.  

By the time the night was truly well and over, he stayed behind when everyone had packed up and left. Making his way into her room, he stooped and flicked on her lamp, ensuring it stayed dim. She was snuggled under a thick pelt, fast asleep. 

Refusing to leave her just yet he laid on his side, propped up on his right arm as he stared down at her serene face. He frowned while he traced her features with the pad of a finger- noticing the slight puffiness under her eyes for the first time. 

Had she been crying?

His feather light touch smoothed over her baby soft skin, her little twitching nose and those fucking kissable lips. He needed her to wake up already so he could see her eyes. He felt like he hadn’t seen them properly all night. 

What was he missing? Why wouldn’t she look at him? Why wouldn't she talk to him?

Giving up trying to figure it out, he kissed her forehead and gently pulled her into his arms. She murmured incoherently when he moved her, then snuggled into him unknowingly as she settled against his chest and slept on. 

He only wanted to hold her for a little while. 

~

When Neteyam awoke in his own bed the following morning, he felt like the universe was out to get him. 

He had one goal and that was to get to Xi’s tent first thing, but no he could not....because his father woke him at the crack of dawn to inform him that he had to leave to attend to a situation.

This meant Neteyam needed to step in for him to conduct an evaluation on one of the warrior units- which was scheduled first thing. 

Neteyam was irritable and cranky. He was snapping at everyone as he tried to get himself ready for the day. It truly seemed like his family members were all purposely trying to piss him off. 

He felt horrible after because he had even made poor Tuk cry by yelling at her when he noticed she had painted flowers on the handle of his lucky dagger- thus ensuing an earful from his irate mother. 

“Get out!” Neytiri hissed through clenched teeth after her long angry berating. She had had enough of his bad attitude. “What is with you today? This is not like you Neteyam! Your mood has been like this all morning! Fix it or don’t come home.” 

“Bro. Bro!” Lo’ak called out, jogging to catch up to him when he stormed out. 

Neteyam made his way through Home Camp while adjusting the jewellery and comm device he had put on badly in haste. He blew out a breath, strapping a visor to his forehead. “Leave it Lo’ak. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine,” he said with a condescending grin. “I just thought in case you hadn't realized, and to reiterate what mom said...but you’ve been a massive dick.” 

Silence greeted Lo’ak as he continued to keep pace with his seething brother who was now fiddling with the strap of his riding satchel.  

“Is this about you and Xilä?” Lo’ak asked, going the direct route.

That had Neteyam halting and turning to stare at his brother suspiciously. “Why would you ask that?”

“A hunch?” Neteyam didn’t look like he believed him, so he went for the truth instead. “Look, I don’t know if you guys see yourselves, but usually you’re all….touchy and flirty. You two can’t keep your hands to yourselves, at all,” he said with a grossed out face. “You’re both completely oblivious to the sexual tension you create.” 

Neteyam swallowed. He honestly didn’t care at this point who saw them together. “So?” he said.

“So, I noticed she was all weird around you last night, okay? When you came in, she didn’t even glance your way…if anything, she looked tense. Normally Xi can’t wait to plaster herself to your side, and then you get this stupid goofy look on your face.” 

Neteyam’s ears lowered and a lodge formed in his throat. “.....I thought I was being crazy. It was weird, she was different- distant. I tried talking to her but all she did was fucking smile and say everything was fine!” 

“Are you going to go find her now?”

“I fucking wish,” he sighed, “I’m due to conduct an evaluation right now. Dad asked me to step in for him since he’s off dealing with some situation or the other...I’m already late and she’s all the way on the other side of Camp. I’ll have to find her after.” 

“Do you know what you did?” 

Neteyam rubbed the space between his eyebrows as if in pain, without response. That was all he thought about all night. He had no clue what he could’ve possibly done. 

So why was his idiot brother so adamant that he did something? 

“Not that I know of okay? And this could be all just a one off. We don’t know that something happened for sure.”

“Did you fuck her?” Lo’ak asked crassly. 

“What the hell man!” Neteyam hissed venomously with a backslap to Lo’ak’s arm, glancing around to make sure no one had overheard.  

Lo’ak simply shrugged. “I’ll take that as a no then. Did she want you to fuck her and you said no?”

Bewildered, irked and utterly pissed off, Neteyam stormed off, muttering an, “I’m fucking done with this conversation,” as he went. 

But the annoying pest that was his brother seemed to be resilient. “I’m just trying to help you, asshole!”

“Well I didn’t ask for your help!” he seethed over his shoulder. “Lo’ak, will you stay out of it?! This is none of your business!”

“Maybe, but I’m making it my business! Xilä is upset over something you’ve done and you need to fix!”

Neteyam stopped and rounded on his brother again, braids flailing around dramatically as he poked a finger to Lo’ak’s chest. “You keep saying that! What the hell makes you think it was something I’ve done?! Huh? What do you know? And quite frankly, why do you even fucking care?!”

“So what if I care!” he roared. “And I don’t know anything, alright?! I’m not the one she’s being weird around. It’s you dumbass! So I suggest you figure out whatever the hell it is you did you did, grovel your ass off and fix this shit!” Lo’ak yelled, giving his brother a two handed shove for good measure before he stormed away. 

Spider, who had observed the entire ordeal from afar, jogged after Lo’ak. He shot a bewildered looking Neteyam a curious glance as he went. “Hey cuz, what was that about? You two looked pretty heated.” 

Lo’ak shook his head as he headed straight for the labs. “Trying to talk some sense into him is all…Hey did Xi say anything to you yesterday?” he asked. 

“Uh…like what?” 

“About Neteyam? She was all weird last night.”

“No she didn’t and shit, I didn’t notice,” he frowned. “She seemed fine though. I don’t get why you think something’s wrong.” 

“Yeah I’m sure you didn’t notice,” Lo’ak said sarcastically. “Probably because you were so busy flirting with my sister,” he grumbled, ignoring his best friend's splutter of denial. “She’s not fine, Spider. It’s Neteyam she’s all off with. Something’s changed.”

“Um, no offence cuz but ah, you know the bet’s off right? You won….Why are you so worried about this? I care too but it’s not like it’s our problem to fix. They’re adults, they can work it out themselves.” 

Reaching the outskirts of the labs, instead of heading inside, Lo’ak sat on the steps of one of the trailers with a heavy sigh.

“Do you remember what I told you I overheard my parents arguing about a while back? About what the council wants from Neteyam?”

“Mhm, yeah I remember. It’s shitty,” Spider said, climbing onto the railing to perch on top. 

Lo’ak snorted. “Shitty is putting it lightly, he’s the eldest, so it’s expected of him. And you know the idiot…he’s all about following rules and tradition…so he’ll just go along with whatever they want- be their fucking puppet.”

He became silent for a moment. “That could have easily been me... except it’s not. I get to do whatever the fuck I want and he doesn’t. His whole life is already planned out,” Lo’ak explained. “They didn’t get to control my mother, so they’re trying to control him instead.”

“It bothers you…you feel guilty, don’t you?” Spider said seriously, staring at his friend with a frown. 

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I know I can be an asshole sometimes but I do care about him and I at least want him to be happy about the person he has to spend the rest of his life with- she’d be part of the family after all and…I’d rather it be someone I could put up with,” he added quickly, trying to play off the deep emotions he was suddenly sharing with his best friend. 

Spider ignored his joke and considered his words. “And you think that person is Xilä?”

Lo’ak gave him an “are you for real” look.

“Have you seen him this happy with anybody else? If they don’t sort this out themselves soon I’ll have no choice but to meddle…….His time is running out.”

~

Xilä stood from afar, watching with weighted breath as a team of ikrans swooped in complete synchronisation. One rider in particular caught her eye, causing a flutter to tickle her stomach. 

The riders landed one by one, gracefully dismounting before either releasing their beasts to open air again, or leading them over to the ikran enclosures a couple feet away. 

Neteyam spotted her the moment he landed. A prickle of relief and happiness tinged with uncertainty at the sight of seeing her there- waiting for him, flooded his chest. 

Although it hadn’t even been a full day since he’d seen her, he missed the heck out of her. All morning he contemplated last night’s events. He just wanted to hold her already- he felt deprived. 

Hurrying to dismount, he released Buddy to the open air again.

“Hey kids,” he called out to a small crowd of children who were all excitedly watching the warrior’s arrive. “Careful alright? Not too close to the fence,” he advised as he passed them, reaching out to grab his satchel that was hooked on a fence spike.

“Yes Sir.”

“S-sorry Sir.”

“You guys that was Neteyam,” one of them whispered in awe. 

Not stopping for a second he quickly closed the distance between him and Xilä as he removed his riding visor and then unstrapped his bow and arrow carrier, tucking them all into his long riding satchel before swinging it across his back. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said when he was finally toe to toe with her. “Are you- have you been waiting for me?” he asked hopefully, focusing intently on her face, taking his fill of her.

She stepped back trying to create some space when he cupped her jaw. “Yeah,” she smiled softly, keeping her eyes averted. “Can we talk for a few minutes? I won't be long, promise.”

Neteyam nodded, feeling a little a swoop of dread. “Ye-ah,” he replied, his voice cracking. 

He was beginning to hate that polite smile of hers. All he wanted was to see her light up the way she always did whenever she saw him. He wanted to lean in and hug her or even kiss her, but he refrained. 

He was also going to take more than a few goddamn minutes thank you very much. This sudden awkward thing they had going on was going to drive him insane- it needed to end.

Before he could lead them somewhere more private however, a voice called out to him. 

“Nete!” Leati hurried over, having just landed. Slowing to a stop in front of them she touched his bicep. “Where are you going? There are still a few more routines to run through. My team is gearing up right now, I already called for the direhorses to be escorted ov-”

She abruptly stopped, just noticing who he was with. She side eyed Xilä, then continued to relay to Neteyam all the drills he would miss as she turned her back so that she stood between the two of them, blocking Xi from Neteyam’s view.  

Xilä stepped back and looked away uncomfortably, she didn’t want to see them together. She was on a mission to end things between her and Neteyam- she just wanted to get it done and over with but she refused to stick around and have them rubbed in her face. 

She had had a good cry fest yesterday- getting everything out of her system, as Salveen hugged and soothed her while desperately trying to figure out what was wrong- Xi didn’t tell her though.

Later on, after assuring Salveen she was fine, the reluctant elder and her husband eventually left to spend time with their pregnant daughter and son in law. 

Xilä retired to her room until late when her friends started to arrive for game night. She had concluded the entire situation between her and Neteyam must have been one big misunderstanding on her part. 

The more she thought about it, the more the signs were all there. No wonder he kept saying they shouldn’t have been doing what they were doing. No wonder he kept stopping them from going further. 

She felt as if she missed something from D’avi's explanation about mating and relationships, but then remembered Neteyam was the son of the Olo'eyktan. The rules must have been different for him. She’d forgotten there were many customs she must not have been familiar with and deduced this must have been one of them.

If anything, she simply felt stupid. Leati was right- she had stupid silly hope that somehow she and Neteyam would end up together……forever- mated and bonded as one for life. But that was all it was- silly hope. A daydream. 

Yet it was all very real to her... Xilä was in love with him. 

The realisation had sent her into another round of bitter tears and as much as she loathed Leati, she couldn’t bring herself to continue to sneak around with her betrothed. She refused to be like some of the women who would blatantly sleep around with her father- knowing well he had a wife.

And so, Xilä decided she definitely needed to officially end things between her and Neteyam, and fast- not only because she was not a cheater but also to protect her own heart. 

Not wanting to stay any longer she said, “Um, Neteyam we can talk later, I’ve got-,” but she was cut off when he quickly side stepped Leati and reached out to take hold of her hand- preventing her from leaving with a fleeting panicked and pleading expression across his face. 

“Yeah I know all that Leati,” he said, turning serious as he faced the female warrior again. “But something important has come up. Why don’t you guys break for lunch and I’ll page Gwuyle to finish the rest of the session for me.”

He should have done that in the first place and gone after Xilä first thing that morning. 

Xi frowned, staring up at him. She wasn’t sure if he was even aware of his actions because not only was he holding her hand, but when she tried to pull away, his tail wrapped around her thigh.  

Leati made a strangled noise and blinked disbelievingly. Her eyes darted from Neteyam who was suddenly paging Gwuyle right then and there through his comm device, to their linked hands, to his tail curled high around Xi’s upper thigh- its tip, completely hidden under her skirt. 

Xilä, who had somehow momentarily gone mute, yanked her hand from his grasp, wide eyes on a murderous looking Leati. ‘Oh shit,’ she thought, swallowing guiltily.

However- Neteyam, who seemed oblivious to the tension and reactions of the two women- only because he was still on the line with the clan’s second in command, simply tugged Xi closer with an arm around her waist, so that her front clashed flush against his side.

She stumbled and clung to his warrior belt for balance, cheeks purpling from his actions. 

She was stuck. Immovable by his hold. To anyone looking their way, they were the picturesque image of a romantic couple.

Accepting defeat, Xi slumped against him, smushing her face into the space between his pec and bicep. He seemed to have taken that action as her being affectionate, because as he wrapped up the call he pressed a casual kiss to the top of her head. 

Misreading Leati’s muted, shocked expression, Neteyam continued on as usual. “Relax Leati. Gwuyle is just as good a reviewer, you’ll be in good hands for your team’s evaluation. Have some lunch and have your team check in after.”

Leati sputtered pathetically. “I- what..but, but it’s not even lunch yet! Nete can’t you-” she stepped forward to caress his free arm but Neteyam cut her off with an exasperated sigh.

“Then have an early lunch, Leati, run a practice drill or something. Anyone else would gladly take advantage of extra time before an appraisal- Oh great, the direhorses are here.” He whistled to his own amongst the herd being guided over by a group of wranglers. 

“Nete, please stay,” Leati pleaded. “What is so important anyway?!” she snapped, glaring at the back of Xilä’s head unnoticed.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said distractedly as he watched Antoyle approach. 

Neteyam’s massive direhorse chuffed in greeting. A small squeal escaped Xi when she was suddenly hauled up onto the massive beast- Neteyam keeping a large palm on her thigh to keep her steady. 

“I’ve gotta go Leati, good luck, alright?” he said, giving her a parting smile before easily mounting the creature behind Xi and securing an arm around her once more.

Xilä caught one last withering glare from the female warrior before Neteyam was charging them off. 

~

Riding hard and fast, Neteyam led them deep into the forest. He knew it was petty and probably overly possessive of him, but he was purposely taking them somewhere far. Not only for privacy, but also so that she couldn’t escape without his help to get back. 

Passing through a thick wall of vines, they found themselves in what Xilä could only describe as a hidden cocoon of serenity. 

A small tricking waterfall flowed in the far corner, pooling in a somewhat shallow well of rocks. The flora was thick and abundant.

Glowing plants illuminated the sunless hideaway, creating a serene and romantic atmosphere. 

“What is this place,” Xi asked, momentarily distracted by its beauty.  

“It is niwan loreyu, one of the many beautiful secrets of the forest,” he said over her head as he pulled them to a stop. “Very few know of its existence,” he continued as he dismounted and disconnected his queue. 

“I feel…” she couldn’t quite explain the feeling but it felt good- as if she were being hugged lovingly.  

“It is Ewya you feel,” he explained, while removing his comm device to stuff into his bag- he didn’t want any interruptions. He then tossed his satchel to the soft flooring. “Her presence resides heavily in this place.” 

“Did we really need to come all the way out here?” she grumbled as she accepted his help to get down- legs aching slightly from the long trip. Antoyle trotted off to graze on a patch of rich grass. 

“Yes,” he grinned, tugging her hips closer, relishing in the feeling of her finally in his arms. 

“You didn’t need to leave your duti-”

“I wanted to,” he said earnestly. “God, I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks,” he groaned, nuzzling his face into her cheek, affectionately. He froze when she suddenly tensed up. 

She swallowed as a guilty flutter emitted within her. “You shouldn’t have done all of that,” she whispered, stepping out of his arms as she avoided his stare. 

“Done what?” he asked, allowing her to go but itching to pull her back. 

“Leaving with me…holding my hand- the tail thing, the touching- all of it! Especially in front of her.” 

He frowned at her with a tilt of his head but stayed silent. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she whispered more to herself than him. Squaring herself she faced him head on. “We need to stop, Neteyam.”

There was a small tightening in his chest at her words. He knew what she meant but asked anyway. “Stop what?”

She didn’t exactly know how to label it. “What we’ve been doing…you and I…everything we’ve been doing for the past-”

“No.”

Her jaw dropped. “What do you mean, no?!”

“I don’t want to,” he said simply.

“Neteyam, the sneaking around- it has to stop.”

“Then we will stop sneaking around. We will stop hiding. I know we never talked about it, but we can do that. We don’t have to remain a secret if that is what’s bothering you. Sweetheart, I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve been hiding you,” he said sincerely. 

She stared at him incredulously. “You want us to go public?! We can’t do that, what will-”

His ears fell back. “What’s so wrong about that?” he snapped.

“Neteyam,” she said, sounding so broken he felt a small part of him crack. “I don’t think you’re thinking clearly.” She rubbed the heel of her palms into her eyes. “Shit. Why is this so hard to do? I can’t stop thinking about you and all those stupid orgasms and now we have to sto-”

“You didn’t didn’t like the orgasms?!” he asked, alarmed- ears twitched high as his tail went limp. 

“No! Yes! Yes, okay! I liked it, I wanted it, I mean I practically begged for it didn’t I?” she shrieked somewhat hysterically. “But that’s not the point,” she said in frustration. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m telling you we need to end this!”

“Why?” 

“What?”

“Why? Tell me why? Why do you want to stop? Give me one good reason and then we’ll end things.”

Her face scrunched up in hurt. “Because I like you...much more than I should, but I know the truth now and I don’t want to come between the two of you…I-” She faltered and took a shuddering breath. 

Neteyam’s frown deepened- clearly not understanding. “Xilä what are you talking about?” 

“You don’t need to pretend anymore!” she snapped, folding her arms in vulnerability. “What I don’t get is why you didn’t tell me! I get that it’s supposed to be this big secret until you decide to announce it but- gosh Neteyam I feel like such a fool!” 

“Xilä,” he said seriously, staring at her in great concern. If anything he was looking at her like she’d gone and lost her mind. 

But she misunderstood his worry. “It’s okay,” she said quickly. “I’ll keep it a secret…‘Teyam, you’re my friend and I want us to stay that way even after- I don’t want to mess this up and I’m not blaming you…but I really don’t get why you didn’t say anything.”

When she noticed his clueless expression she mumbled out, “I know about you and Leati. She told me.”

He raised a questioning brow. “Me and Leati, what? Baby I don’t understand anything you’re saying right now. I honestly feel as if we’re speaking two completely different languages.” 

“Neteyam,” she said in a shaky voice, eyes pooling with liquid. “Why didn’t you tell me you were betrothed?” 

A beat of silence filled the air. 

“What?” he breathed out, incomprehensibly. 

Filling the sudden silence, she began to ramble as she fidgeted with her fingers. “Well I know it’s technically none of my business but well I thought maybe that’s something friends share with each other. Especially friends who did the amount of kissing and touching we did.” 

Shaking out of his reverie, Neteyam closed the distance between them, halting her movements by loosely linking his fingers with hers. 

Tilting her chin up he said very seriously, “Xilä…I am not betrothed.”

“But- yes you are.”

“Sweetheart, I’m pretty sure I’d know if I was intended to be bonded for life with someone,” he said intently. “Who the hell did you hear that shit from?” he demanded. 

“Well from Leati. She- I…” Xi spluttered, not meeting his gaze. “She said you two were…since months ago! Before you and I. You don’t just make that stuff up! You don’t lie about things like that! Why would she-”

Neteyam muttered a, “goddammit Leati,” under his breath as he tugged her closer so there was no space left between them. “Eyes, Xilä.”  

She knew the drill and looked up immediately. Her chest pressed against his upper abs so she had to arch her spine slightly to see his face properly. 

“So let's just go over this, shall we? Clear the air so that we’re on the same page.” 

She nodded, trying hard to focus on his stern voice and contain the flutters swooping around in her tummy from their proximity. Neteyam however looked like he was fighting to reign in his annoyance. 

“Xilä, I am not betrothed to Leati. I am not betrothed to anyone. Alright?” 

“But-”

“When did she tell you that?” 

“Yesterday.”

“Mm. That why you avoided me all of last night?” he asked, irritated.

A guilty expression appeared on her face. “Yes.”

All of the pieces were finally coming together now. Neteyam released a heavy sigh, nodding in understanding. He cupped her face and pressed a quick peck on her forehead.

“Come’re.” He hoisted her up the way he always did and her arms and thighs automatically wrapped around him. He couldn't deal with the distance between them anymore.

In short strides, he stepped into the rippling pool and took a seat, slumping against the rocky wall as he adjusted them into a comfortable position. The water was warm in comparison to the cool air but felt good, relaxing her slightly sore legs.  

Straddling his lap, the water covered her from her waist down. Her skirt fluttered around her hips, before sinking as it became soaked. His knees jutted out of the clear water when he propped them up, causing her to slide forward which made her core land flush against the skin just above his loincloth.

A large palm slid up her back, arching her towards him while his other soothed along her thigh. “Can I have a kiss? Please?” he pleaded- one small taste was all he needed. 

Xilä felt a bit emotional but held it in. Shaking her head up and down eagerly, she cupped his jaw, and with a soft, “yes,” she kissed him. 

The kiss was fleeting but it was very much needed in the current situation. Neteyam broke them apart with a final one, two, three sweet pecks before he was pulling back to see her face. 

“So we need to talk. There are some things you need to know, Xi,” he said seriously. 

“Alright,” she nodded, bringing her hands together to fiddle with his battleband. 

“First of all, Leati-” He tsked. “I think she probably misinterpreted a particular situation- which I will tell you about now. I’ll be sure to speak with her and clear the air of course but this is all honestly one huge misunderstanding.” 

“Well I’m quite curious to know what it’s all about. She was very territorial over you.”

“I’m sorry sweetheart. I know how she can be sometimes.” He took a breath and rubbed her thighs under the water. “Xi, when I turned eighteen the council told me I was required to find a wife by twenty-one. They thought I’d take a woman already by then…but when I hadn’t, they decided to give me a deadline.” 

Xi’s brows rose high and her jaw loosened. “They can do that?! Why would they even do that to you?”

He shrugged. “Because they can. Apparently it’s a mandatory tradition to ensure and secure the line of leadership. I’m not even going to go on about the heir they also require,” he said with an eye roll. 

“Wait wait wait. They’re giving you a deadline for finding a mate AND they are telling you when to have a baby by?! That’s ridiculous!”

Neteyam held his laughter. Her upset reaction was too cute for him to handle. “Yeah…but I put my foot down about that one. Don’t worry, no babies to worry about right now.”

“Okay…uh, continue,” she said with a blush. 

“So I’ll be honest I didn’t really try all that hard to find someone. I was too focused on my position. My training and skills were my priority- the whole mate thing, as much as I agreed, it was a lot of pressure. So I ignored it for a long while.

By the time I was a couple months away from the deadline, the council decided to take matters into their own hands. The fucking rumour mill ran wild when it became public knowledge I was looking for a mate. Every eligible female was practically being shoved down my throat.”

Neteyam shook his head. “Anyway let’s just say I learned the hard way that not all women wanted me for me. Quite a few only cared about the fucking title and the perks that came with it.”

Xilä bit down an angry retort about said women, but stayed quiet instead, soothing her palms along his chest, comfortingly. 

“The council was pissed when still I had no one chosen by my twenty-first birthday. They were all so disappointed... but I knew this was my duty. I knew I had to follow through and do it anyway. So I begged my father to plead my case and get me three more years. It was granted but it came at a cost. If I didn’t find someone by then, they’d choose for me.”

Xi's angry protest was interrupted when Antoyle chuffed, annoyed by an insect flying around his snout.

“A couple months ago, Leati’s mother- Fe’ska suggested I take her daughter as my mate. That was all it was…a suggestion. Leati and I, we don’t run in the same circle but our mothers are friends, so we’ve known each other since childhood. But I could never and have never seen her in any romantic light,” he assured, staring directly into her eyes. 

“You remember the meeting I attended a while back? The one you said I was all prickly afterwards?” 

She nodded. 

“Not only did I get another warning that my time was running out, but they decided on Leati as their final choice if I don’t succeed....If I don’t find anyone by my birthday next month, I’ll end up with Leati. She and I never spoke about it…but her mother must have said something. So that’s the only reason I could think of her making such an assumption, which is ridiculous anyway you take it.”

“Wow,” Xi whispered, slightly overwhelmed by the information thrown her way. 

“Yeah, that’s it- all of it. That’s everything.”

He seemed worried as he tried to read her emotions. “I um, I just want you to know, I wasn’t hiding all of this from you, purposely. I’ve actually been trying to get some more time but- they’re not budging.”

“It’s okay I get it. I don’t get the entire situation though. Can’t your father do something? He is Olo'eyktan!” 

Neteyam shrugged. “He can, he’s offered to step in, but I already agreed when I was eighteen. There’s a binding contract and everthing, so I have to keep my word.” 

“What are you going to do, then?” she rasped, uneasiness sinking in her stomach. She hated the whole Leati as his mate, deal.  

He pursed his lips and stared at her in silence, thumb tapping on her skin. “It depends.”

Her brows furrowed. “On what?”

“You, baby.”  

Her ears flickered. “Me?” she squeaked.

“Earlier, you said you like me too much…is that still in effect after everything I just shared?” he asked hopefully. 

“Umm, well. Honestly, I may have downplayed it a bit,” she said sheepishly. “It is more…love, than like.”

Xilä held her breath as she watched his expression morph from apprehension to understanding, to pure giddiness. 

“You love me?” he said with the widest grin on his face she had ever seen as he leaned in while simultaneously tugging her forward. “As in, love love? In love with me?”

Xilä giggled at his teasing and sailed her hands up his body to grip his neck, thumbs stroking his skin. She bore a matching grin while he nuzzled her cheek, trailing along her face to rub their noses together. 

“That’s quite funny,” he said, “because guess what, sweetheart?”

“What?” she hushed against his lips, crinkling eyes boring into his. 

“I’m in love with you too.”

She knew it was coming, his teasing tone had said it all but yet she still felt that bubble of emotion surface. 

Neteyam’s face softened into a concerned frown. “Sweetheart. Xi what’s with the face?”

She choked on a laugh, shaking her head. “I’m okay. Sorry,” she smiled through teary eyes. “It’s stupid.”

“Tell me anyway,” he said, kissing her scrunched up nose.

“I’ve never had anyone say those words to me before,” she admitted shyly. “It felt good, that's all.” 

“Fuck….” he whispered, in upset. He seriously loathed her parents more than anything at that moment. 

“Then I will make sure you hear those words every day for the rest of our lives, okay? Baby, I will try my hardest to make sure of it,” he promised sincerely. “I love you Xilä.” 

“I love you too Neteyam.”

~

“Can we stay here forever?” Xi sighed, in complete contentment. 

“If you want,” Neteyam agreed easily. 

He’d give her the damn universe if she wanted it. 

Xilä sucked the last of the sweet juice that coated her fingers, humming happily as she did. “Well that was delicious,” she said, tail sailing like it usually did whenever she ate something yummy.

They were still in their little hideaway. Seated side by side, they munched on some picked, ripe fruit as they dried off on the soft, sweet smelling grass. 

Neteyam’s legs were splayed and propped up, but he’d dragged and draped her both thighs over one of his. Xilä leaned her temple against his bicep and took his hand to play with his fingers on her lap.

“Will they have a problem with it? Well, with me?” she suddenly asked, feeling a bit insecure. 

“Who? The council?” he asked over a mouthful of fruit. 

“Sure, but more importantly your parents. I’m probably not who they were hoping you’d end up with,” she admitted.

He looked down at her with a crooked little smile. “My parents will probably understand more than anyone else. My father is from the stars, remember? Against all odds they fell in love and chose to be together. And as for the council….” he shrugged. “I don’t fucking care. You know why?” 

She shook her head. 

“Because I. Choose. You.” 

Beaming, she stretched up and used a hand to tug on his neck, begging to be kissed. He obliged eagerly, sweeping a tongue along her bottom lip so she’d open up for him. 

With a simple move, she was scooped into his lap. Her palms danced down his chest, fingernails grazing his nipples as she trailed her way to his bare midriff. He had taken off his belt and left it out to dry. 

“I always liked these,” she mumbled against his lips as she stroked his abs appreciatively. 

“Mmm, I know. I’d see you staring at them all the time whenever you thought I was distracted,” he smirked, chuckling when he heard her shocked gasp. 

Xi sat back. “You did?!” she shrieked, feeling thoroughly embarrassed. 

Neteyam licked his lips and plopped the last of his fruit into his mouth.

“Oh yeah,” he murmured, leaning back on one arm comfortably while the other reached up to pinch a pebbled nipple through her top. “These would get all showy, and your tail would flicker all eager like,” he teased. 

“Oof, I can’t believe I was so obvious!” she wailed, slapping a palm across her face in horror while he laughed out loud. She lightly smacked his chest in retaliation. 

“It was cute, baby,” he said, licking away a drop of juice that escaped him. Xilä stared as he tried and failed to catch it, so she leaned forward and licked the bead from the corner of his lip for him, sucking on the skin a bit. 

When she pulled away Neteyam smirked again. “You're quite a spicy little minx you know that?” 

She shifted in his lap and wiggled her little butt into him. Her eyes glinted, knowingly- a stark difference to her blushing disposition a few moments ago. 

He knew that look all too well by now. Sitting up, he pulled on the tie behind her back and instantly removed the strip of cloth from her chest. Eyes locked on hers, he tackled the tie on her hip next, pulling the slightly damp skirt off of her, flinging it to the side as well. 

“What do you want Xi?” he asked, reaching down to free her of the under cloth she usually wore. 

She knew the drill by now. Tongue or fingers. 

“Wait.” Gripping his wrist, she stopped him from tearing the poor flimsy cloth off of her. “You can’t keep doing that,” she said sternly with a hint of amusement. 

In quick succession, her nimble fingers undid the tiny knot and then she was finally bare to him. 

“I can always get you new ones made, you know?”

“Yeah? And how’s that going to look if you’re constantly requesting them from the seamstresses? What are they going to think?” 

Neteyam shrugged. “Probably that I am keeping my mate thoroughly satisfied?” 

“Your mate?” Xi asked, lighting up by the thrill of his words.

They had spoken about it not too long ago.

When he officially asked her to be his, she hadn't been able to contain her excitement. Xi had practically tackled him with slew of yeses and kisses. She was actually going to be his wife and would be forever grateful to the Great Mother for blessing her so abundantly.

Realizing what he said, Neteyam’s ears flickered backwrds and his cheeks tinged purple. Xi thought he was freaking cute whenever embarrassed.

“Sorry, I just- well you know what I meant…” he stuttered, rubbing at his temple bashfully. 

 Xilä’s smile was relentless. She loved the sound of those words coming from his lips. 

Having enough of the roles reversed and Xi’s giddiness at his embarrassment, he tossed a sudden curve ball at her. 

“I want you to ride my face.” 

Her smile slipped right off when she understood his meaning. “Uhhh, um. How will that work? Won’t I stifle you? How will you breathe?” she asked innocently. 

“I just won’t,” he teased, playing with her breasts as if they were his favourite toy. 

“You could die, Neteyam!” 

“And I will die a happy death,” he countered, lifting her to her knees so he could suck on the rounded flesh of her chest. 

All the while, poor Xilä was contemplating the logistics of his request. There was apparently a lot she still didn't know. D'avi had obviously not been able to educate her on everything, so she knew she’d have to learn and figure out the rest herself.

“Relax baby,” he said, seeing her concerned expression. “I’m teasing. I won’t die because I’ll have plenty of air. It's only my mouth you’ll be riding anyway. If you don’t like it we can stop. You don’t even have to do-”

“No, I want to do it!” she protested. “I want to try. Oh and um, I choose both by the way,” she said, realizing she’d never responded to what she wanted from him. “Tongue and fingers.”

Neteyam shook his head with a laugh. “Yes, Ms. Little Greedy Butt, as you wish. Now come here. You’ll get your tongue first,” he said, lifting her entirely as he laid back. 

Xi was in for another sore legged journey.

~

What a rollercoaster this one was! It was touch and go for a minute but so happy it was all cleared up.

Do you guys hear the wedding bells?!!!

I think Lo’ak was my favorite part though lol

Okay, so hadn’t planned on it, but please let me know if you want the rest of the spicy scene from the end or if it’s fine that way. I’ll add it to the next part if you do.

As always lemme know that you guys think :)

@jakesullyfatjuicypeen @granddearduck @riatesullironalite @strawberri-blonde @earthling55 @innercreationflower @duckworthbean @gyuventure

If you'd like to be tagged or I forgot you by accident, please let me know.

#neteyam #neteyam x oc #neteyam avatar #neteyam fic #neteyam x reader #neteyam fanfiction #neteyam sully

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

roland and linda in cahoots on something

Thank you. Athos and Linda got along, I think Roland and Linda would get along like a housefire no one suspected.

-

"Roland."

"Something I can help you with, Spartan?"

Linda 058, the quietest member of Blue Team, is asking for his attention.

"How much nuance do you allow when it comes to personnel in potentially off-limit areas?" She asks while staring straight ahead, not bothering to look at the ceiling or a camera. Her voice is low and even.

He can't get a read on her in comparing her tone and body language to his wealth of readings from his crew. IIs were sarcastic, but also had a habit of malicious compliance and going right up to the point of rule breaking before stopping. It gave his captain and the admirals headaches but fascinated Roland all the more. Despite being a Ship AI and not having the experience of partnering with a Spartan, he found a kind of kinship in their creative problem-solving. What files were available to him painted a relatable picture. Linda had worked with an AI, receiving a glowing review, but Roland could read between the lines. Nuance, huh?

They were so interesting. Roland found himself struggling to balance his desire to see where this led and his ingrained purpose of maintaining order and function on the Infinity.

"That's an interesting question." He can't help the chuckle that follows. "Potentially, if someone was where they shouldn't be and I caught them, they'd get a warning to leave before I contact whoever's necessary to remove them."

"So you have to catch them."

Oh, this is fun.

"I see everything on this ship, Spartan. You may have the clearance, but I can't let you climb around the engine room."

A muscle twitches on her face. Roland counts that as a victory.

IIs were so much fun. 15 minutes after he's thrown down the gauntlet, Linda 058 disappears into a blind spot in a major hub of hallways. Roland notes it down for security and then leaves several threads around to ping when she reappears.

She does not reappear. He gets no ping. AI can't sweat, but the invigorating exercise of hunting for her sours when it's 4 hours later and the Captain is frowning at him.

"Roland, where's Linda?" Captain Lasky asks in front of three quarters of Blue Team.

"I may have chosen my words poorly." Roland says, his avatar slouching in defeat.

"Sir, she doesn't have her armor, so we can assume she's inside the ship." Kelly supplies.

Captain Lasky pales as he considers the thought. Roland hadn't considered that. "She would do that?" Lasky's voice is stricken. Roland feels a bit guilty as he watches his captain's blood pressure spike.

Fred is the only one who grimaces as they all nod once.

"You might have to admit defeat before she reappears." The Master Chief says to Roland. "Linda's competitive."

"What?" Roland gapes in shock. He doesn't want to give up so easily, surely there are ways to track the NI or IFF tag even if she's not in armor.

He stops himself from answering when his captain looks dolefully at him.

"Do I make a shipwide announcement and hope she hears it?"

He does.

180 painful seconds tick by and Linda 058 materializes out of a different blind spot halfway across the ship. Her ready gear has dust on the knees and elbows. The vents then? She walks into the meeting more relaxed than Roland's seen her.

Linda nods to the captain and Roland as she takes her place beside her team.

"Do I want to know where you've been, Spartan?" The captain sighs. His face and his biosigns are pointing towards no.

"Finding gaps in security, sir." Linda replies.

"Great." Lasky looks like he does not think it's great. Roland is just glad it's over. "You can help Roland with that when we don't have scheduled meetings."

Or not.

#my writing #snippets #me: I can't write. no energy or brain power. also me: 600+ words later #long enough for tags i guess #Linda 058 #Roland the AI #Thomas Lasky #Blue Team #halo fanfic

[emmartian]

The three perfect things this year to keep me living much much more.

Armored Core VI Fires of Rubicon - From Software

I have a soft spot for games where “you” start so low: a corpse, an addict cop fell from grace, a drained bounty hunter sent to a planet alone to get her soul eaten by somehow gentle parasites. 

Armored Core 6 puts you in a body bag and promises to give you a meaning.

The game makes you feel in pain, both physically and mentally, yet you dance the fastest legs exquisitely, while the voices in your brain implants seem to notice you, to worry about you, to tell you you're an artist that can crave for even more.

You choose a how to see if you’re still here. And so, you fly high the miserable sky.

The Boy and the Heron - Studio Ghibli

I’ve read a lot of words about The Boy and the Heron by this point, looking to praise it by finding hidden sources, mysterious meanings and cultural roots behind its attributed “unorthodox” narrative. But I doubt this given depth was THAT intentional.

To me, this film might be the peak of Hayao Miyazaki’s philosophy for process and creation which is well known that doesn’t allow a glimpse of restraint. First and foremost, dealing with a canonical script.

A choice that brings freedom and obsession. A way to live, instead a way to create, to be the stories we tell ourselves. I strongly believe this is what the film exhales. Depth and meaning by making brilliant collaborators invested with the nurtured concepts in his brain. Depth and meaning by making us fall for the intense personality of such a hard work overall.

To grasp a gap in the system you have to be so bold. And I can't wait for what comes next.

A Guest in the House - Emily Carroll

As dear homie Sloane Leong says in her quote, a Guest in the House is a very sophisticated character study coded as a horror tale, with exquisite art, prose and pacing. 100% Emily’s trademark.

Personally, I still can't stop smiling at how it philosophically reads as an essay about evasion. On how skipping reality can be empowering and healing, and more than anything, romantic; even if, you know, it takes you to the grou… Please don't mind me.

Hide from hideous, grasp a glimpse of justice, make the self you want to be, legit. Toxic. The knight or the ghost. In Emily’s safe HUB, the guts spill into refined erotic scenarios that make the average the most dreadful place to be.

Anyway. You don't do a book on this scale alone, to save the day. The accurate craft still feels like a scream. It's the kind of work that saves the medium by making creators unsafe. Please consider reading it and support it. Emily’s writing truly is precious.

She also did a beautiful Bloodborne short out of love this year. For the fans!

#armored core vi #the boy and the heron #a guest in the house #from software #emily carroll #hayao miyazaki #emma ríos

[magdawal]

Your Ultimate Guide to Porn Portal: Full Review

If you've ever dabbled in the world of adult entertainment, chances are you've come across the infamous Porn Portal. It's that tantalizing store that pops up when you sign in to Brazzers, teasing you with additional content and exclusive deals. But let me tell you, my friend, there's more to Porn Portal than meets the eye.

Unleash Your Pornographic Potential

Porn Portal is your gateway to a universe of content from various sites, all conveniently accessible through a single login. You can customize your experience by using credits or opting for full-access channels. It's like building your own personalized pleasure palace.

Subsmart's Exclusive Porn Portal Deal

Now, here's where things get interesting. Subsmart, the mastermind behind this seductive offer, has some irresistible ongoing offers. These monthly add-ons at $0 are a cost-effective alternative to multiple recurring memberships. And guess what? You can unlock channels for a no fee, giving you unlimited access as long as you maintain your primary Porn Portal membership via Subsmart. It's like having the keys to a secret treasure trove of smut.

Is There a Catch?

Well, nothing in life comes without a price, right? While joining Portal through official website allows you to download videos without any additional fees, add-ons are strictly streaming-only unless you're willing to cough up an extra $14.99 per channel per month. And let's not forget the Premium option. It's not related to the download upgrade, but it does grant you access to even more streams. Subsmart gives you everything (the highest tier plan) at one low price. So, choose wisely, my horny friend.

Explore a World of Pleasure

Porn Portal doesn't just stop at Brazzers. It's a seductive universe that encompasses other enticing sites like Reality Kings, Sexy Hub, Mofos, and even standalone sites catering to the trans and bisexual categories. It's like a buffet of debauchery, all under one roof.

Cancelling Add-Ons Made Easy

Now, I know you're probably wondering what happens if your primary subscription expires. Well, fear not, my sexually curious compadre. Cancelling your main membership won't automatically cancel any add-ons you've indulged in. ProBiller, the billing masterminds behind PornPortal, have a nifty online cancellation form. However, it only works for the first site you joined, leaving subsequent add-ons in limbo. If you find yourself in a sticky situation, our blog has some tricks up its sleeve to help you out. Trust me, it's worth a read.

The Rise of XXX Portals

But wait, there's more! If you thought Porn Portal was the only player in town, think again. Allow me to introduce you to Porn World, a portal that links together Let's Doe It and its sister networks, including Mamacitaz and Amateur Euro. Unlike Porn Portal, Porn World offers independent memberships, no add-ons necessary. It's like having a one-way ticket to a world of carnal pleasure.

Diverse Access, Diverse Pleasure

Some networks, like Team Skeet and Mylf, take a different approach. Instead of a portal-style store, they offer various membership levels right from the get-go. A standard membership grants you access to dozens of channels and exclusive series. But if you're feeling extra adventurous, their yearly premium plan unlocks an even wider range of channels. It's like having the keys to a kingdom of kinks.

No Strings Attached Pleasure

Now, let's talk about why you shouldn't limit yourself to Porn Portal's add-ons. We've got deals that will blow your mind. Check out our Porn Network category, where you'll find discounts of up to 67% off. That means you can enjoy a low-cost membership that's independent of any commitments to other sites. It's like having the best of both worlds.

Shop with Confidence at Subsmart

When it comes to adult sites, we know the ins and outs. Our expert reviews will guide you through the cancellation process, making sure you don't get caught in a web of frustrations. And hey, if you're not satisfied, our Money Back Guarantee has got your back. We're here to help you find the ultimate deal in the world of adult entertainment.

#entertainment #Youtube

[lyndeeznuts]

Thoughts on future playable characters in Fear and Hunger Termina

Tanaka

His gameplay needs to be built around relying on others. Like his arc as an NPC, he needs to get stronger through learning about comradarie and friendship. He’d be a weak early game but very strong late game character.

As the player character, I see him as being able to take advantage of his latent soul to learn skills without the hexen from other characters.

As a party member, perhaps he plays more of a supportive role or has some kind of “copy stance” where he replicates another party member’s attack

He needs to be especially killable at the beginning of the game lol

For B ending players, his character creation would have a path that allows you to determine how much he adopts a ruthless outlook to the business world. I see that leading to a skill like Backstab which perhaps could allow for the pre-moonscorched killing of party members outside of safe hubs.

Please bring back the rugged handsome looks skill. It would be so funny if Tanaka was the only one with a seduce option (not even Pav should get it)

Samarie

As a counterpoint to Tanaka, I think Samarie players should be incentivized to NOT work with others

Like I imagine her difficulty interacting directly with others would cause some party members to occasionally not do what you say or something

Also, she just gets a buff by having fewer party members.

She’ll likely get necromancy or blood golem to compensate for this to get some controllable meat shields bc the contestants can be risky

I could imagine her having some sort of analyze type skill because she’s used to closely observing Marina

Starts out with mind read ofc

Pav

It’s intriguing that he has an ability related to commanding party members

His gameplay should rely on more of that. Maybe he could give a party member a free command each battle, like shield other party members.

Most of his skills should probably just be taken from other skill lines (gun proficiency, intimidate, etc)

Henryk

We need more LORE

Why does he seem familiar with Caligura? Why can he fight okay? (Melee proficiency)

My guess is that he’s a former street urchin/mob guy aiming for the high life

I could see him having steal which I imagine he would have used in the service industry

A skill that makes it possible to craft healing (and not just buffs) with food

Also a character building path where you learn toxicology/poison bc of what he does in the speakeasy in day 3….

August

I feel like he works better as a supportive NPC.

He should stay that way but have more ways to interact with him.

At most, he should be a (possibly temporary) party member.

He’s a skilled hunter. He should have Analyze

Caligura

Similar to above

He should stay a NPC but we should be able to interact with him more

#fear and hunger #fear and hunger termina #funger #Tanaka kida #kida tanaka #tanaka fear and hunger #samarie #samarie fear and hunger #Henryk #henryk fear and hunger #pavel yudin #pav fear and hunger #august fear and hunger #caligura fear and hunger #lynpost #I LOVE THE NPCS

[kendrixtermina]

I just read on a website that prior to the Nakba, the Gaza strip was actually somewhat prosperous - you had ports & a market hub where farmers from the surrounding land would sell their produce.

When it became an enclave, you suddenly hand this bunch of densely populated cities cut off from the surrounding countryside, a pretty unnatural anrangement which of course trashed the economy and led to deterioration ever since, especially with how the occupation has kept tightening the noose.

But it became an enclave because there were too many ppl to dominate & control right away (especially with the addition of refugees that had been pushed there) and there were too many people to control right away because it was once wealthy enough to sustain a cluster of cities.

And now, even before the war they had the highest unemployment rate in the world with large numbers of residents dependent on UN aid.

Imagine what it would look like today if there hadn't been any Zionism.

kinda like most places that were colonized, ppl came there because there was something worth stealing but then told tall tales back home about how it was all jungle and wilderness. The first colonists had to fight kingdoms & empires, but then later generations would indeed see jungle & wilderness, ignorant that they're looking at the wreckage caused by their predecessors. and then "theyre backward" was used as a justification to rule over them... even though the europeans had actively wrecked the places & discouraged growth (why invest in progress if everything just gets stolen?) - in some cases the wreckage preceded them, as in plagues spread in the americas or economic havoc & war wrought by the slave trade in africa.

Even today many ppl don't know that while the Americas and Africa DID have Nomads (as did Europe, before Hitler...), there were actually sophisticated kingdoms & empires in all places that allowed for them (modern nomads generally live in places not suitable to farming, so it's not due to "backwardness" either.), not that different from the medieval or early renaissance europeans that first discovered them. The nomads were just the ones left after plague etc. collapsed the sophisticated societies.

It's really that same MO of spreading the idea that there was no one there or it was always poor even when the first generations of settlers had to actively fight the locals. But it's crass that this could still happen in times with cameras, videotapes and extensive records.

#gaza #free gaza #palestine #free palestine #watermelon

[dreamlandreader]

Teddy Bear’s Picnic

When Feyre and Rhysand are called into an emergency meeting, it is left to Elain to look after baby Nyx. But, when the Night Court heir won't stop crying Elain may have to ask for help from an unexpected source.

Masterlist

Pairing: Elain x Lucien Content Warnings: N/A Word Count: 2936 Words

I'm very excited to share my first ever Elucien fic for day one of @sjmromanceweek (even if it is a couple of days late ... oops)🌸 I got this idea from the prompt 'First Date' and knew immediately I wanted to write about the (unofficial) first date of Elain and Lucien. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it 💗

The warm interior of the River House stood unusually still. Tiny specs of dust danced in the sunlight streaming through the windows, undisturbed by the house's vacant halls. The ordinarily bustling hub of the inner circle had emptied abruptly an hour prior after an unexpected and hastily written letter caused panic, and left the occupants with no choice but to leave the sanctuary of their home.

The stark silence that lingered over the property, however, had not befallen the gardens, where a flustered Elain Archeron was teetering on the brink of tears as she rocked her bawling nephew back and forth, fat tears rolling down his pudgy cheeks. 

“Shh, come now sweet, there’s no need to cry,” Elain whispered to the babe, who paid no attention to her words and let out another piercing scream.

Nyx had begun to sob the second his mother winnowed away and had barely stopped to take a breath in the hour that had passed. Feyre had been incredibly concerned about leaving her son, who had been clinging to his mother more and more in the month since he had started teething. Had Tarquin’s letter not been scrawled so urgently, then Feyre would not have second-guessed staying home with her little boy, but the request had asked for both the High Lord and Lady, and his plea was too desperate to ignore.

“Please stop crying Nyxie. Mama will be home soon,” Elain whispered, bouncing the baby gently in her arms again like she had seen Feyre do so many times before to calm him instantly. Much to Elain’s dismay, the poor babe continued to cry, his tiny whimpers enough to crack even the most icy of hearts.

As the only family member not working within the inner circle, Elain had become the designated babysitter for her tiny nephew, a role which she was thrilled to take on. She had been offered a place within the inner circle, harnessing her seer powers and working with Azriel on intel, but she had gracefully declined. Whilst she appreciated the offer, Elain had never desired a life filled with politics and action. Feyre and Nesta had always been the firey ones, destined for big things, but Elain had always wished for a gentle, quiet life. So she was thrilled when her sisters supported her in opening a flower shop in the lively market at the heart of Velaris.

The shop had brought her such joy whilst she was still trying to heal from the trauma of the last few years, and it had even allowed her to explore Prythian. Rhysand had been able to put her in contact with florists from various courts who, after some enthusiastic correspondence, had invited her to see the beauty of their courts for herself. So far, Elain had visited the bright sunflower fields of the Day Court, witnessed the blooming of the cherry blossoms in the Dawn Court and spent hours roaming the endlessly stunning gardens of the Spring Court.

Nyx let out another heartbreaking cry, and a guttural sob escaped Elain as she sat on her knees in the grass and cried alongside her nephew.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to do,” Elain sniffled. She had tried everything; bouncing, singing, dancing, tickling, reading, swaddling, cuddling, but nothing would work. She felt like a failure.

When Nyx was born, the three Archeron sisters had agreed that no matter what, the tiny babe would never experience an ounce of the pain they felt through their childhood. They had long since begun to stitch the wounds of their past and had many a tearful conversation to clear the air about the toxic years they spent trapped within the four walls of their dilapidated home. Despite this, Elain still carried a kernel of guilt for allowing herself to be shielded and ignorant from the worries of her younger sister for so long. She was determined she would no longer be the one her sisters had to hide their fears or anxieties from, she wanted to be there for them and her nephew. Which was why Elain had taken her inability to comfort poor Nyx so personally.

Just as Elain was considering calling on Madja and asking if there was a rare fae illness going around that caused non-stop crying, she heard the door to the garden creek open and determined footsteps leading down the garden path.

“Feyre!” She exclaimed, standing quickly as she twisted to face her sister, but it was not Feyre who stared back at her, but Lucien Vanserra - her mate.

“A-are you okay? I came to see Feyre, but the house was empty, and then I heard crying. When I saw you on the floor, I- I thought something must have happened,” he stumbled, concern contorting his face.

Elain felt a twinge of guilt at Lucien’s evident nerves. She hated that he thought he had to justify visiting his friend because of her discomfort in their bond. Still, she couldn’t swallow the anxious butterflies that floated up from her stomach and clogged her throat whenever he was around. Elain had thought about approaching Lucien now that she was feeling more settled in her fae life, to see if there was anything there, and so that they could both move on if there wasn’t. However, something stopped her every time.

Elaine’s nerves were abruptly overshadowed when Nyx let out another piercing scream.

“He won’t stop. I’ve tried everything, but I can’t calm him down. I’m the worst Aunty ever,” Elain bawled, thrusting the babe towards Lucien, who gently took Nyx from her arms, hardening his face to avoid giving away the fact that the brush of her hand against his had ignited his skin.

“Elain, you are not the worst Aunty. You are the most dedicated Aunt I’ve ever met. You should hear Feyre and Rhys singing your praises every time they get a spare five minutes for a coffee because you’ve taken Nyx for the afternoon,” Lucien said, shouting slightly over the squawking child.

“Maybe you just need to try a different tactic? When I was a child and I wouldn’t settle, my mother would try to surprise me with something outside of my daily routine, and the curiosity of it would make me forget whatever had upset me,”

“I- I don’t really know. He just wants Feyre. I wouldn’t even know what to try,” Elain sniffled.

Lucien looked out at the beautiful gardens and was struck with an idea. The organised floral designs close to the River House gave way to patches of wildflowers and rolling hills surrounded by cosy meadows and orchards. It was the perfect setting for his plan.

“I have an idea. Take Nyx inside for a few minutes, and when I’m ready, I’ll call you out,” he said, placing the babe back into Elain’s arms.

“What? But-”

“I need you to trust me, okay?” Lucien’s eyes were so sincere, even if it did feel like his gaze was burrowing into Elain’s soul.

“Okay,” she whispered before turning on her heel and returning to the house.

Ten minutes later, and breathless from running back and forth into the River House, Lucien called Elain out to the garden.

A pale blue gingham blanket had been carefully strewn across the floor, surrounded by a sweeping carpet of cornflowers. Plush cushions skirted the border of the blanket, and a row of Nyx’s most loved teddy bears sat in a line, staring at the buttered scones, chocolate-covered strawberries and an ornate tea set.

“What is this?” Elain questioned, still bouncing a mewling Nyx.

“A teddy bear’s picnic,” Lucien announced proudly, opening his arms wide, a lopsided grin gracing his lovely face.

Elain cautiously walked towards the edge of the blanket, popping Nyx next to his toys before gracefully sitting beside him.

Like a miracle had washed over the scene, Nyx’s cries faltered as he crawled towards the nearest bear. A minute later, he had fallen completely silent as he stuffed the poor bear’s paw in his mouth and began to chew.

“It worked,” Elain whispered, wide-eyed, a grin taking over her delicate face as she looked up in awe at Lucien.

“You aren’t joining us?”

“Oh, I thought now he’s settled that you may want some peace and quiet,” Lucien suggested nervously, the awkwardness seeping back into the air around them now that the babe had been calmed.

For a moment, Lucien and Elain merely stared into each other’s eyes, neither one brave enough to break the silence that had settled, until Lucien bowed and suggested it was time for him to take his leave, turning back towards the house. He had taken only two steps before Elain’s voice rang out behind him.

“Stay. Please,” His heart was beating so hard that he wouldn’t be shocked if it had burst out of his chest and fallen before the woman it so clearly belonged to. In the time since their bond had been revealed, Elain had never once asked to spend time with him or shown any interest in his presence. He thought he may be sick from the anticipation, hope clenching in his stomach.

Sitting down next to Elain, he ran his sweaty palms down his breeches and searched desperately for something to say to ease the tension.

“I’m presuming the tea was not for the six-month-old,” Elain said, beating Lucien to it.

“No,” he laughed. “I thought, given how upset you were, that you deserved something nice too,”

“That’s very kind, Lucien, thank you,” She blushed, looking over at Nyx, who was happily babbling away to himself.

Lucien took the opportunity to drink Elain in. She was all soft lines and gentle curves, radiating such warmth and sunlight that the mere thought of her embrace gave Lucien goosebumps.

“Would you like some?” Elain asked, breaking Lucien’s reverie by pouring herself a cup of lavender and chamomile tea.

“Please,” he replied, clearing his throat, the look she gave him making his mouth instantly dry.

Elain was having much the same trouble. Her breath hitched as she watched Lucien pick up a strawberry, his lips wrapping around the fruit and his tongue cleaning his mouth of the lingering juices, sending a flash of heat between her legs. She had never taken the time to truly admire him before. And that was what it meant to look at Lucien, to admire. He was beautiful, and Elain was suddenly struck by how strange it was that Feyre, knowing this male for years, had not made him the sole focus of every painting she had created to date.

“I think Feyre and Rhys will want you to live here if they find out you can work your magic like this,” Elain said, looking pointedly away from Lucien and towards the little boy, now fast asleep.

“Oh no, it was nothing,” Lucien retorted, waving his hand as though his help was no big deal. “He probably tired himself out with all that crying, and the sight of his bears managed to calm him down for long enough that he fell asleep,”

“Either way, I’m incredibly grateful,” Elain tapered off, filling the silence with a sip from her tea. She had to say it now. It was the perfect opportunity. She just needed to get it out before this moment passed.

“So -,” Lucien started, interrupted almost immediately.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Elain blurted out, eyes wide in almost as much shock as the male before her.

“Oh?”

“About the- about the bond,”

Lucien’s heart dropped as he steeled himself, preparing for the blow, for the decision he had known was coming for a long time.

“When you first revealed the bond to me, I wasn’t in a good place,” Lucien met Elain’s eyes and took in the sorrow that filled them.

“Nesta and I had just been turned into the creatures we’d feared our entire lives. I was in a new body, a new land. Feyre had been taken away from us again and put into another dangerous situation. I’d lost everything I’d ever known. The future I saw for myself had been ripped away one minute, and then I’m being told fate, or the Mother, or whoever has decided on a new future for me. One with a male who I did not know,”

“I’m sorry. I should have handled the situation far more delicately than I did,” Lucien sighed, rubbing his calloused hand over his face before continuing.

“For such a long time, I thought it impossible I would ever find a mate, and the shock I had at that moment meant it slipped from my mouth before I could think. I regretted immediately revealing it the way I did. I was paralysed by fear that I had let it slip with an evil bastard like Hybern in the room,” he shakes his head, despair taking over his eyes. “I guess I just lost my head, and once it was out, I couldn’t take it back.

Elain slowly nodded, taking in what Lucien had so vulnerably revealed, and reached over to gently clasp his hand.

“After everything that happened, I lost myself entirely. I know I hurt you by refusing to meet with you, by ignoring your existence. Things were bad, and I was in a dark hole I couldn’t find my way out of,”

“I understand Elain, you’ve no need to explain yourself,”

“No, I do,” She said, taking a deep breath.

“I’m at a point now where things are looking up again. I finally feel that I’ve found my place here. I feel my family is happier than- well than we’ve ever been actually, and for the first time, I actually know who I am and what I want,”

Here it was. Lucien closed his eyes, begging his resolve to stay intact until he was alone, where he could mourn what might have been in privacy.

“I know I would like to give this a chance,”

“What?” Lucien’s eyes flew open, taking in Elain for any sign that this was a cruel joke, but she looked back at him with such soft sincerity that he was utterly lost for words.

“I’m not promising anything. I don’t want either of us tied to one another just because of a bond. If anything comes from this, I want it to be because we both want it,”

Lucien nods, still in shock.

“But, I would like to get to know you, Lucien. Not just the stories my sister tells me or the small glimpses I’ve had at family dinners where we are surrounded by people, but to really get to know you in our own time. Because I have seen my sisters and how happy their mates have made them, and I am ready to let some of that light into my life, too. If you are willing, of course?”

“Yes!” He radiated. “Yes, I would love that,”

“So, maybe we can start with a date?” Elain suggested, a rosy blush colouring her cheeks.

“Yes. That would be perfect,”

“Good,” She smiled. “Although with this lovely set-up, this does sort of feel like an unofficial first date,”

“Oh no,” Lucien beams, “Our first date will be much more spectacular than a picnic in your sister’s back garden, don’t you worry,”

"I can't wait", Elain laughed, and the joy in her voice made Lucien's heart ache with delight.

After half an hour of tentative conversations and shy smiles, Elain decided it was time to put Nyx to bed.

"You take him in. I'll clean this up," Lucien offered as Elain scooped the sleepy baby into her arms and walked towards the house.

By the time Elain made it to the stairs, Feyre and Rhysand were trailing through the front door, exhaustion lining their faces. The High Lord walked right up to Elain and, thanking her, took his son into his arms, a quiet calm washing over his body as he walked slowly up the stairs to Nyx's room.

Feyre, smiling at the sweet scene, hung up her coat and let out a sigh.

"Thank Gods, it was a false alarm. Tarquin got some false information about Beron-"

Feyre stops, raising her brow as she looks at her sister's face.

"Why do you look like that?" Feyre asked, a suspicious glint in her eye.

"Like what?"

"All glowy and happy,"

Elain rolled her eyes, feigning annoyance, a blush creeping up her cheeks. "I'm not allowed to look happy now?"

"Of course you are! But something weird is going on. I can sense it,"

Elain opened her mouth, ready to retort, when Lucien walked through the door, a bright smile taking over his face.

"Oh, hey Feyre," he said, stopping in his tracks, looking like a deer in headlights. "I was just here to return that book Rhys lent me. I left it on the kitchen counter!"

Lucien looked shifty as hell, and Feyre could only laugh and look pointedly at her sister.

“Well, I best be going. Later Feyre. Goodbye, Elain,” Lucien blurted quickly, dipping his head and swiftly taking his leave.

“What in the Mother’s name was that!” Feyre burst out the second Lucien had disappeared behind the front door.

“Nothing,” Elain replied, walking towards the living room, desperate to escape her sister’s questions.

“Elain Archeron, don’t you dare lie to me in my own home,” Feyre joked, chasing after her.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll call for Nesta,” Feyre sang.

Elain glared daggers at her little sister before sighing, resigning herself to the interrogation she knew she was about to receive.

“Urgh, fine, just call her. I’ll tell you everything. But grab a bottle of wine before we start!”

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #elain x lucien #elain acheron #lucien vanserra #elucien #sjmromanceweek2024

[vampireloverz]

being alive

pairing: fem! reader x neo x trinity x morpheus

words: 3.7k

cw/tw: foursome (everyone, including reader, is bi and into each other), unprotected sex, mutual virginity loss for reader and neo (first times out of the matrix), size differences (reader is the same height as trinity but shorter than morpheus and neo), a few character x character moments

— Trinity surprises you by piping up, “Nothing like your first time after you wake up.”

You turn your attention to her, “Kissing or sex?”

“Both,” she says easily. —

You don’t have a totally regular sleep schedule yet, no sunlight really does a number on one’s circadian rhythm, you suspect hardly anyone on the ship does. Between preparing for the worst and risking your life in the Matrix, there isn’t much to do on the ship. It’s somewhere between late night and early morning as you meander up to the central hub, half hoping to run into Neo. You reach a hand out to trace the sinews and curves of the wires and metal by your side as you reflect on the tumultuous few months you’ve spent in the ship since being unplugged.

You’re still not sure why Morpheus decided to pull you out, you can’t seem to find whatever asset he sees in you but you’ve never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth, even if this new life isn’t so glamorous. But imagine your surprise when the next person to join the crew— The One, Morpheus calls him— was a familiar face. The real world had gotten a lot more interesting. 

You had hovered around Trinity and Morpheus, they’d hovered around Thomas— Neo— as his body lay in the med bay, slowly growing stronger. Late on one of those nights, Trinity asked you what he was like. You saw her smile for the first time when you confessed your friendship with him started because you’d always linger around the water cooler at the office just for the chance to watch him walk to his desk.

When Morpheus and Neo began combat training in the simulation, Trinity made room for you at her side. You had pressed shoulder to shoulder as she helped you read the code on the screen, and you decided then and there you wanted to get better, stronger. There’s no way you can keep up with Neo, he’s The One after all, but you’re pulling your weight and then some. 

As you climb up the ladder you remember why you’re here, Morpheus has invited you to train. It’s not often he takes his attention off of Neo so you appreciate it. It does surprise you when you see he’s not alone, Trinity and Neo are beside him at the computer, selecting appropriate training programs for the session.

“You’re here,” Morpheus says as a greeting, clapping you on the shoulder when you come into reach. You’re still not quite used to the way physical contact feels so… real, but the small smile he gives you puts you at ease, “Let’s get started.”

—

Late night snacks on the Nebuchadnezzar are really just another helping of the runny, nutritionally-dense porridge the crew eats for every meal, but a few hours of training leaves you starved enough for it to almost taste good. If you don't focus too hard you can halfway convince yourself you like it. 

Neo’s thigh is close to yours, the small metal table the four of you sit at doesn’t allow heaps of personal space but you enjoy being close to people, Neo especially. It makes you feel grounded, human, alive. You wonder if you’ll ever work up the courage to seek out more than fleeting touches.

“I think I could take on an agent for just a little bit of real sugar,” you sigh, pushing around a watery spoonful of your meal with a sigh. 

From the corner of your eye you can see Neo smile, it’s slight but it’s there.

“You’re making progress, but I’m not sure you’re ready for that,” Morpheus says with a touch of good-natured humor.

You roll your eyes but don’t disagree, “Every time I unplug I realize how sensitive my body is. I feel so strong there, but here… even a stubbed toe is still really painful.”

Trinity across from you nods, “Your brain and body are still adjusting to experiencing things physically for the first time.”

The room lapses back into quiet scraping of metal on metal again, each of you trying to finish before the food cools and congeals into inedibility. Your mind begins to wander, musing over the things in your life you thought you’d experienced but in actuality hadn’t. A memory surfaces; a teenage crush, an empty classroom, an inexperienced and hurried press of lips. You try and fail to suppress a giggle, Morpheus shoots you a curious look.

“It’s silly,” you shake your head at yourself, “But I guess that means I've never actually been kissed.”

Morpheus slightly nods his head in a you’ve got a point gesture. Neo lets out a sigh like he’s made a grand realization and the three of you turn to him, anticipating… something.

His face is stony as he says, “We’re virgins,” with such gravitas you bust out laughing.

You lean your head on Neo’s shoulder as his deadly serious expression fades, even turning into a smile when Morpheus chuckles and Trinity huffs a laugh. Comfortable silence descends and you sit up again, cheeks pleasantly tingling, but something still hangs in the air, unspoken.

“You could change that,” Morpheus says, like he’s offering another serving of porridge instead of telling his two newest recruits they should have sex. Your eyes go dinner plate wide as you stare at him. Morpheus pays you no mind, just continues eating with a slight smile playing on his lips.

Trinity surprises you by piping up, “Nothing like your first time after you wake up.”

You turn your attention to her, “Kissing or sex?”

“Both,” she says easily.

You keep your eyes on her as you feel her words, like a drug, seep into you. It takes a moment for you to look away, to look at Morpheus, finding him already focused on you. Finally, you turn to Neo, his eyes bright but not demanding. It seems like he’s waiting. You feel yourself nod before you can stop yourself, that’s all Neo needs. He turns to face you fully as he reaches for you, hands moving to your face slowly, slow enough for you to hear your heartbeat in your ears with each second. 

You’d often wondered what his hands would feel like, beyond the occasional brush in passing of course. It’s even better than you’d imagined, feeling cradled and held and solid— you’re not sure if it’s so amazing because you’re in real space or because it’s Neo. You press your cheek into his palm and try to smother an almost manic laugh, but a small sound escapes anyway. Neo smiles, his dark eyes scanning the curve of your lips.

You hear Morpheus murmur something to Trinity, something about the two of you, but it’s quickly forgotten when Neo leans forward and kisses you. Your eyes shut as you take stock of the new yet familiar sensation. 

The machines have to build a better system, you’ve never experienced a kiss like this while plugged in. Neo’s lips are warm and slightly chapped, pleasant as you both slowly find a comfortable rhythm. Your noses squish uncomfortably when you both try to shift in the same direction but Neo takes it in stride, angling his head the other way to kiss you deeper.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” he whispers against your lips when you finally break apart to breathe.

Before you can process what that means, he lets out one breathy laugh and he’s kissing you again. You’ve both moved closer to each other on the metal bench, abandoning the pretense of a polite first kiss to something more, something heated. When Neo puts a hand on your thigh to steady himself your mouth opens on a gasp, the contact sends a bolt of something hot between your legs and you suddenly wish he was touching you there instead.

Both of you seem to forget you have an audience when your tongues touch, and unexpectedly you’re both bolder— your arms wrap around his neck as he all but pulls you onto his lap, hands firm on your hips. Just when you feel a moan perch itself under your chin, Morpheus coughs theatrically and you and Neo spring apart, startled even though he was there the whole time.

“Sorry,” you say, voice hoarse as you press your fingertips to your bottom lip.

Neo mutters something apologetic under his breath and one glance tells you he’s as flustered as you feel. Small comforts. Morpheus’ gaze flicks between the three of you, one eyebrow raises like he knows something you don’t and is greatly amused by it.

“Well?” he says.

“Well?” you and Neo parrot in unison.

Trinity takes a sip from her metal cup and eyes you over the rim. You’ve always found her hard to read, and now it’s worse. You feel naked, like she can read your mind’s innermost secrets— but it doesn’t take a mind reader to feel the energy that hangs in the room, especially between you and Neo.

“Let’s take this somewhere private,” she says, her tone only half a suggestion.

Your heart thuds against your chest when you realize what that means. What it could mean, if you move anywhere private. Wait— all of you?

Never in your life did you think you’d watch beautiful, talented, intimidating Trinity lead anyone down some hidden passage in Nebuchadnezzar, let alone with you in the group. Some distant part of you realizes this must be where she and Morpheus discuss plans and strategies, you feel the balance of secrets between you two tipped slightly back to even.

The large metal door closes behind Morpheus, shutting with a definitive clunk that makes you jump. In the lapse of a few seconds before the light turns on, Neo takes your hand, a comfort in as the unknown approaches. Nervousness bubbles up as the four of you stand and look at each other, each waiting for someone else to move, to speak.

Morpheus moves first, his eyes flick down to Neo’s hand holding yours as he approaches you but he says nothing. He’s about as tall as Neo but you really feel the difference in height now that you’re not sitting. Morpheus is physically larger; more years in the real world allowed him to build considerable muscle, an attractive quality that can’t be hidden by his thin, ratty sweater.

You squeeze Neo’s hand when Morpheus reaches for you, Neo reciprocates. You can’t help but continue to make comparisons now that you have the information to do so. Morpheus’ hand is warmer, hot even, and steadier on your cheek. He doesn’t linger there, trailing down over your pulse until he holds your throat. His hand is firm and dry against your neck as he holds you, not applying any pressure. You blink up at him and find his eyes glimmer with the same amusement you saw earlier.

“Go on.”

Neo’s voice surprises you, but Morpheus’ kiss surprises you even more. You’re at it with the comparisons in an instant, but you can’t deny it’s a damn good kiss. He’s confident, bold enough to trace the seam of your lips with his tongue after mere moments. You feel steadied by his hand on your throat when your knees weaken and you let yourself be swept into the tide of Morpheus’ kisses. You let go of Neo’s hand to grasp at Morpheus’ wrist, breath catching in your throat when he gently presses the heel of his palm against your throat. 

Somewhere in the room you hear Neo and Trinity, your brain dimly registers that they must be doing the same as you but your thoughts are quickly reigned back to Morpheus when his other hand grazes over your chest. You moan into his mouth when he cups your chest, strong hand surprisingly gentle as it cradles the weight of it. His thumb swipes over your hardening nipple and you shiver.

It’s impossible to tell how much time has passed when you pull apart, all you know is that your body is buzzing, every inch of you feels like a live wire. It takes a deep breath and some effort not to stutter, “Wow.”

Morpheus smiles and ducks down to lay another kiss at the corner of your lips, “Wow is good.”

Trinity comes into view, taking your hand and gently moving you towards her as Neo and Morpheus find their way towards each other. You’re not sure which one of them moves to kiss first but you find it doesn’t matter as you watch Neo's eyes flutter shut so prettily, lashes fanning the tops of his cheeks.

Trinity captures your attention by running her knuckles along the hinge of your jaw. You turn to her, wondering if you’ll ever get used to how beautiful she looks as you idly brush back some of her short bangs. She cracks a small smile at the gesture. Her lips are softer than Neo’s, her cheeks don’t scratch you like Morpheus’ stubble, the way her arm curls around your waist makes your heart skip a beat.

“Take off your clothes,” Trinity pants against your mouth, slipping her hands under your sweater and squeezing your sides.

You nod dumbly as someone behind you begins to peel off your top and Trinity helps you shimmy off your pants. With your clothes cast aside, their hands are on you without hesitation— Trinity grips your hips and kisses you with fervor as Morpheus’ hands cup your chest from behind, both sets of hands are strong and sure. It’s nearly impossible to tell if it’s Neo who kisses along the curve of your shoulder, yet you’re sure it’s him.

You’re turned around to face Morpheus who kisses you before leading you to a makeshift bed in the back of the room. He pats it once as an invitation and instructs you to, “Sit.”

He kisses you again before giving you space to hop up, you let out a laugh when you realize Neo was watching your chest bounce with the motion. He looks away for a moment, cheeks flushing attractively, but he looks back when Trinity kneels at your feet and pushes your legs apart by your knees. 

She tilts forward to kiss your tender inner thigh and ask, “Can I?”

“Oh,” you sigh, excitement and anticipation roiling hot in your stomach as you scoot forward, “Yes, please.”

You catch a flash of Trinity’s small smile before she seals her mouth over your cunt, merciful enough to not tongue at your clit immediately. Neo and Morpheus move to fill in the space around you, Neo’s warm hands go to your chest while he kisses the hinge of your jaw and Morpheus starts to undress. Your brain short circuits when Trinity hums against your clit as Neo simultaneously rolls your nipples between his fingers, you don’t have the presence of mind to be embarrassed about the noises you’re making.

Motion in the corner of your vision catches your eye, Morpheus is lazily stroking his cock just in your reach. You can't help yourself, you reach for him and wrap your hand around his length, mimicking his slow, focused motions. He lets out a groan that encourages you to keep going, eager to see what other sounds you can draw from him.

Your rhythm becomes sloppy and distracted as your orgasm creeps up on you, you give up on focusing entirely when Morpheus’ hand curls over yours, using your hand to stroke himself while you buck your hips onto Trinity’s tongue. 

“Let go,” Neo mumbles between kisses along your jaw, “I wanna see you. Just let go, it’s okay.”

No orgasm in the Matrix could compare to your first one in the real world. No machine could ever code something that has your thighs trembling and hips bucking, your voice breaking on a desperate groan, falling apart with Trinity’s tongue on your clit.

Trinity is gentle with you as you come down from your orgasm, carefully, gently lapping at you while Neo and Morpheus murmur praise on either side of you. She leaves wet, sticky kisses along your thighs and stomach when she finally rises from her knees, her clothes falling away as she moves to sit between you and Morpheus. When both of you move to kiss her, it makes her laugh quietly. Morpheus plants a trail of kisses from her lips to her shoulder and you idly stroke your fingers along the seam of her thigh and her mound, petting the dark hair there with still shaky fingers.

“Can I?” you ask, purposefully imitating her self-assured tone when she asked you the same question.

“Yes,” she whispers against your lips, her voice surprisingly sweet when she moans at the feeling of your fingers circling her clit.

You find her wetter than you expected, you’d never thought you’d be in a position to make her feel so good. Trinity hums when you slip a finger inside her, the warmth of her pussy makes you shudder and you waste no time in slipping another finger into her, pumping and curling them until you find the spots and rhythm that draw out the best responses from her.

You feel her tightening around your fingers when you pass your thumb over her clit so you do it again, trying to alternate the curling of your fingers inside her and the strokes to her clit. You want to make her cum as hard as she made you cum, and you can tell she’s close. She’s soaking you down to your wrist and gripping your arm like a lifeline.

Trinity’s wavering moans rise in pitch as she tucks her face into your throat, clinging to you while she tips over the brink and rides the waves of her orgasm, her pussy gripping your fingers like a vice, hips rolling and back arching. When you feel her calm a little, you slowly slide your fingers out of her, rubbing her clit with her slick just to hear her moan again, but her soft sounds are muffled when she presses her lips to yours.

While you slide your tongue against Trinity’s, you feel a warm hand slip between your thighs, finding where you’re slick and warm in an instant to slip two fingers inside you. You and Morpheus moan in tandem at the feeling, Neo nearby makes a sound like he’s been punched.

Trinity breaks away from you to go to Neo, both of them reaching for one another is quite the sight, but Morpheus distracts you with another finger to stretch you and a kiss to your temple. You spread your legs a little wider for him, wondering if everyone’s first time in the real world feels this wonderful when Morpheus presses against the tender spot inside you that makes you keen.

Morpheus’ fingers tilt your chin upwards with his free hand, “Look.”

You blink your eyes open to watch Trinity slowly stroking Neo, her thumb passing over the head of his leaking cock makes you both whine. You grasp helplessly at Morpheus’ arm and try to calm your thundering heartbeat, “Please, I’m ready— I want it.”

You let your weight lean into Morpheus as he grips one of your thighs, holding you open with one hand and leisurely circling your clit with the other while you both watch Trinity line up Neo’s cock with your entrance. When you glance up at her you wish you could lean over and kiss her parted lips— then Neo slides into you and the stretch is heaven, erasing every other thought.

Morpheus kisses your hairline as you drop your head back onto his shoulder with a inhaled gasp, you can’t tell whose hand pinches your nipple but you enjoy the bright spark of painful pleasure anyway.

“How does he feel?” Morpheus asks when Neo bottoms out, his voice is all honey against your ear, amused and thick, you can feel his erection on your back but you can’t think clearly enough to mention it.

You fish for the words to describe even a fraction of what you’re feeling now but come up with nothing. How could you possibly articulate the way the hot expanse of Morpheus’ chest feels like an anchor, how Trinity’s cool hand on your thigh feels like reassurance, how Neo’s hips hitting yours with every thrust makes you feel more alive. All you can do is cling to them as they cling to you, allowing your moans and sighs to join the chorus of sounds that fills the room.

Trinity whispers something in Neo’s ear that has him surging forward to kiss you, changing the angle so quickly it makes you both gasp into the kiss.

“So good,” you murmur against Neo's mouth, “Neo, you feel so, so good.”

If you could focus on anything else besides Neo’s slow and deep thrusts you would have been more than vaguely aware of the soft, pleased sounds of Morpheus and Trinity kissing behind you, of Morpheus’ hips moving in time with Neo’s to rub his cock along your back. Neo’s thrusts gain more momentum now, finding a new, steady rhythm that has both of you panting.

Neo’s breath comes heavier now, whines and grunts with every thrust, “I’m going to— f–fuck, can I?”

When you realize what he’s clumsily asking for, you melt, “Yes, Neo, please,” you whisper, holding him tighter when he trembles, moaning out something that sounds like every expletive at once when he cums. Morpheus follows soon after, painting the small of your back with cum with a deep groan.

Neo’s hips keep bucking until there couldn’t possibly be any more for him to give, the stimulation making a mess of you both and hurtling you towards another orgasm. Tears prick at your eyes with the intensity of it, everything feels more intense now that Neo's filled you. You mourn the loss when he softens and slips out but he ducks his head to kiss your whine away as the four of you tangle together, arms and hands overlapping to hold each other.

The four of you stay curled together for a while, none of you willing to step away from the comfort of weight and warmth. Neo gently takes your hand and brings it palm side up to his lips, planting a hot kiss square in the middle. You both huff a breathless laugh as you curl your fingers around the heat he left behind, and you know he feels as alive as you do. 

#neo x reader #morpheus x reader #trinity x reader #the matrix x reader #📝 — the matrix #💒.txt

[remiratboi]

Hey there! :)

The TW covers the entire thing but all things are not necessarily in every chapter. This is a fantasy, consent is required, read at your own risk. Also I’m making up my own rules about creatures/nonhumanraces and shit here ok? Anything’s possible.

Cernis Sulxan - He/Him - AMAB

Ellory Broadmoore - He/They - AFAB (post top surgery and testosterone)

TW - Anxiety, OCD, OCPD, Autism, Minor Hoarding (like hoarding but it’s all paper no dangerous hoarding), some body image issues more related to gender dysphoria but also very vaguely ED related. Lots of dark sex stuff. Borderline noncon, but kinda cnc. Forced heats kinda, monster fucking, anal, masturbation, choking, incubus, dragon dick, size kink, bdsm, overstim, denial, edging, toys, public sex, impact play, probably more, I dno yet. But lots of dark sex so

Chapter 2 - Ellory

Ellory grinned at himself as they shut the door on the stunned mountain of a man inside. He knew he shouldn’t be messing with a client like that. Cernis had even called Ellory out on their flirting. But something about the Dragonborn made Ellory’s skin tingle. They had to almost force himself to walk away from the glass door. He could feel Cernis’ eyes on their back as they walked.

He shook his head and went back into professional mode.

The day passed quickly. Ellory loved what they did. He lived for order and perfection. Maybe a little too much. His entire life was organized. Not just their home, or his business, but their personal life, his likes, dislikes, all of it was planned.

Ellory mulled over this fact while they took the short walk from his office to their home. They lived and worked downtown, in the cities hub. It was loud and chaotic. Ellory hated it. But it was a necessary evil. He hated driving a lot more. Too unpredictable. So they had bought a nice little condo in a skyscraper a few blocks from their office.

Ellory mentally prepared his dinner in his head. They walked through each step, what it would look like, what it would feel like. He counted each footstep he took in a pattern of four. One two three four, one two three four, one two three four.

Another pedestrian knocked into Ellory, making him step off the sidewalk and onto a small grass patch. The woman apologized and hurried on. Ellory was frozen. Three three three pounded in his head. They hated it when this happened. The word three got louder and louder in their head as another voice, their own thoughts, shouted back to just MOVE.

Finally he managed to take step four and continue on home. His shoulders ached from how tense they had been even for such a short period.

Inside his home, he walked through, checking the oven, the taps, the windows and the fire alarms. Once his list was complete, they started on dinner.

The night was uneventful. Ellory spent their time putzing around. Doing some work, reading the paper, cleaning up after dinner. For some reason though, Ellory could not stop thinking about Cernis. The Dragonborn’s huge arms. He towered over Ellory when he stood. But then the innocent little daydreams started turning dirtier. Ellory imagined Cernis throwing them down in the office, glass walls allowing everyone to see as Cernis claimed Ellory as his own.

They shook their head and tried to focus on what they were doing. However it wasn’t long before Ellory was dreaming about Cernis chasing them, hunting them down in the woods, and taking them ruthlessly when he caught them. Ellory chastised himself inwardly. Why couldn’t they focus?

The third time they caught themselves thinking about Cernis forcing Ellory to take his huge dragon cock, they decided he clearly needed to do something about this.

Ellory, annoyed with himself, marched to their bedroom. They were busy. He didn’t have time for this infuriating lust that they were experiencing. He grabbed his favourite vibrator and stripped before climbing into his large, pillowy bed. Ellory always felt like a god in this bed. It was huge, custom order, with fairy spin silk sheets and a comforter that was the perfect balance of hot and cold. But this time, Ellory wasn’t there to admire the bed. They were there to get this stupid crush out of their mind.

He turned the vidrator to high and started working it into his front. Ellory bit their lip softly as the vibrator slipped in much too easily. He was almost embarrassed but how wet thinking about the grumpy Dragonborn had made him. Almost.

They reached down and touched their throbbing tdick. He had been on testosterone for about 2 years now, and his growth was impressive. Ellory was very proud of his tcock. They imagined the Dragonborn’s long tongue licking up and down their length.

Stop it they thought. The whole point of this was to get that man out of your head. He doesn’t even like you, and here you are, a dripping slut for him.

Ellory felt his front clench around the vibrator when they thought about being a toy for the huge man. They stroked their tcock while thrusting the vibrator inside themselves. He tried picturing someone else. Or a different scenario. Anything. But each time they found their mind wandering back to Cernis. The way he had squinted when he said “stop flirting with me”. Ellory groaned in frustration.

They tried doubling down on their efforts, going longer and harder and deeper. They grabbed another bullet vibe from their beside table and pressed it against the head of their tdick. It felt good, of course it felt good, but it wasn’t getting him anywhere like it normally did. Ellory changed positions, they changed to anal, they tried a variety of toys in different combinations, but nothing worked.

Finally, after nearly an hour of desperately trying to cum, Ellory threw back the covers, frustrated and on edge. He stormed into his bathroom to take a long, and very cold shower.

Part 3!! vvvvv

#ftm cnc #ftm nsft #ftm sex #ftm switch #ftm top #bd/sm slave #cnc free use #ftm dom #t4t nblnb #ftm ns/fw #monsterfucking nsft #monster x reader #monster kink #monster x human #monster smut #monster fucker #monster boyfriend #monster lover #monster romance #monster fuqqer #monster k!nk #terato #terat0philliac #teratophillia #public exhibition #bd/sm pet #queer bd/sm #tcock #tdick #trans nsft

[baejax-the-great]

ao3 exists, plus it doesnt even matter what terms i search for on tumblr 100% of the time theres fanfiction. literally you can search any words on this website and some kpop guy/ reader fanfics flood the results every single fucking time. plus some of us are not here for fandoms??? your circus/clown analogy is stupid

So I'm incredibly allergic to shrimp-- to the point where if I ate a single shrimp I would die, to the point where I don't really consider shrimp food anymore--and it's the weirdest thing, yesterday i went to Target to buy hair conditioner, and they were selling shrimp. Don't they know it wasn't what I was looking for and I can't eat it anyway? Why would they do this? Totally fucked up of those shrimp catchers to try to poison me like that.

But analogies clearly aren't your thing, so let me break this down for you.

AO3 does indeed exist, but your suggestion that fanfic live there and ONLY there is akin to saying that imgur exists, so nobody should be posting images, whether they be photos or art, on any other website. Twitter exists (sort of), so really nobody should be posting shit posts or hot takes that are fewer than 140 characters or whatever.

Not everyone uses AO3. There is no law saying that if you write fanfic, you must post it on AO3 and nowhere else. There will never be a law that says that, because that's not how the internet works. Tumblr, one of the few social media sites that allows longform blogging, is in fact a great alternative to AO3 for one-shots. It's a little trickier for multi-chapter posts, but I've seen people make it work.

AO3 is not social media. People can't DM there, send asks, make friends, bump their post to the top of the feed (unless they are an asshole who is about to get blocked by half of fandom for pulling that move). Do you like social media? I mean you're here, on tumblr, bothering a total stranger, so you must see some value to it. Guess what--fanfic authors also enjoy being on social media and sharing what they've been up to, including their WIPs.

Things you aren't looking for being part of your searches is literally just life on the internet at all times forever. Earlier this month I was looking for a reference of draped fabric for drawing purposes. I googled 'chiton drawing' (chitons like the ancient Greeks used to wear), and all I got were drawings of molluscs of the genus 'chiton.' Alright, I did a google search for "toga drawing" and learned that there is an anime girl named Toga and people very much enjoy drawing her. Were the artists of the molluscs or the anime girl to blame for me having to slog through a bunch of irrelevant pictures to find one that could help me with my drawing? No. They correctly labeled what they were doing. That's just life.

Seeing fanfic in the tag doesn't harm you. At all. It doesn't matter if you find it cringe, or it's a ship you don't like, or it's xReader. For like ten seconds you looked at words you didn't particularly like, and then you moved on. How is that different from literally any other post on tumblr? I see bad takes and essays I don't care about on this site all the time. It's called scrolling. Again, this will be the case for every website on the internet forever. Are you telling me you read every tweet in your feed? Every reddit post? Sometimes you see irrelevant stuff. I guarantee some of my mutuals have already deemed this long ass post irrelevant and are scrolling on by. What makes fiction that much more abhorrent to you than the rest of the nonsense?

If you really hate seeing fanfic, tumblr has content blocking and tag blocking. You can block the phrase "x Reader." You can block the tag "fanfic." You can block all sorts of things, and if that doesn't work, you can just block the writers whose existence annoys you.

Sorry man, you personally not liking fandom and not using tumblr for it has really no bearing on what everyone else is doing. Like it or not, tumblr is a hub of fandom, and fanfic authors are going to be a part of every fandom on this green earth. Just because you came to the circus in order to admire the pretty fabric used on the tents doesn't mean the performers are in the wrong for doing their thing.

#ao3 #get a load of this clown #tumblr #surprised it took me this long to get a braindead take in my inbox about this #this really feels like genZ bullshit where they see one thing they don't like online and become karens of the internet #honey other people exist doing things that have nothing to do with you #and occasionally you will see them and the only correct response is to move on with your life #by all means anon call up tumblr and explain to them that people are posting fanfic on their website and you just don't care for that

[sophieinwonderland]

It's weird being schizophrenic and plural (with some of that plurality being affected by both the schizophrenia and by trauma) and Also Traumatized all the same time because like.

CDD disorders, (c-)PTSD, and schizophrenia can have symptoms in common. Including dissociation, sometimes amnesia, hallucinations, etc, and often have similar comorbidities. Hell, schizophrenia can even cause trauma, which could lead to (c-)PTSD or traumagenic CDD disorders.

And, for a long ass time, before I knew I was schizophrenic, I thought I had OSDD-1 or mild DID with some added psychosis (yknow, for flavor). But then I started doing some research. And as it turned out, a lot of symptoms that I had that I thought were exclusive to CDDs... were just as easily caused by schizophrenia. Any other symptoms that were common in CDDs but weren't part of schizophrenia were quickly covered by c-PTSD. And I had a lot of symptoms of schizophrenia that could not be filled in by either.

Obv this is all just my experience, ymmv, yadda yadda. But it often leads me to a weird place when it comes to being part of plural communities. My experiences ride the line of being too close to CDDs to relate properly to nondisordered/non-CDD plurals, but because of where those experiences come from, I can't really relate to folks with CDDs either beyond superficial similarities. I'm kind of stuck in the middle.

Anyways. I dunno. It's just interesting for me to think about.

People in the community don't like talking about it, but there really is a serious problem in how these disorders are defined where a diagnosis of DID isn't allowed if symptoms can be explained by other disorders, and there's a huge overlap in symptoms to the point that all of symptoms of DID could be argued to be symptoms of Schizophrenia.

This is something Ross has criticized a lot and tried to rectify. But change is an uphill battle.

If you haven't read it yet (which you might have since I reference it a lot,) there's a paper exploring the differences in voice hearing between people with DID and people Schizophrenia. Maybe this can help you distinguish your experiences a bit.

Here's the DOI: 10.1097/NMD.0b013e3181c299ea

It's Sci-hub compatible if you want to access it easily. I thought maybe the data could be helpful to your journey.

The biggest differences I found there are that DID is far more likely to start in childhood, to include child voices, to include more than 2 voices, to talk among themselves without reference to the host, and (contrary to conventional wisdom) to include other sorts of hallucinatory experiences.

(It's unclear in the study if these hallucinations are as vivid as those typically associated with hallucinations in Schizophrenia.)

And it's definitely possible and valid to have both disorders, so I would be hesitant to rule out CDDs just because you also have symptoms that CDDs don't account for.

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your experiences! This is a really important topic that I wish could get more of a spotlight in the plural community.

#syscourse #schizophrenia #psychosis #psychiatry #psychology #mental health #plural #plurality #endogenic #multiplicity #systems #system #mental illness #hallucinations #plural system #endogenic system #pro endo #pro endogenic #system stuff #sysblr

[trillscienceofficer]

A long time ago @nebulouscoffee asked me to write the DVD commentary of “Best Left” (which is a Raffi/Seven/B'Elanna fic set between Picard S1 and 2) and now I'm finally doing that.

This is inevitably going to get long because the fic itself is much longer than anything else I've ever posted, and I still have so many feelings for a story I put a lot of effort and heart into! But first things first, here's chapter one.

Cris, I know you’re really busy these days on the Stargazer, so I’ll keep this short.

As I was coming up with ideas for “Best Left”, my main goal was to have Raffi (which I knew would be the POV character) in a very different place than where we see her first on Star Trek: Picard. I wanted her, by this point established, long-distance relationship with Seven be a part of the network in which Raffi is now deeply enmeshed (ie La Sirena's crew). That said though, both canon events (by this time Rios has been made captain) and my plot ideas were not very accommodating of having literally everyone on board the ship. It would've been too unwieldy for a project that was already shaping up to be very ambitious for my standards. But while Jurati and Picard's absence is, I think, not that big of a deal, I still very much wanted to underline Raffi and Cris' friendship, which I think is essential in order to understand Raffi and one of the few relationships she's had that didn't go sour on her. I obviated to his physical absence with both real and imaginary correspondence, from which Raffi could draw strength in difficult moments. The fic both begins and closes with Raffi writing a message to him.

Raffi hits send on the message and looks up only to find Elnor at her side, looking just as morose as he’d been a few days earlier, when she’d told him first about the road trip idea. She sighs internally; the queue to transporter hub number four advances. It’s a busy day on the new Betazed spacedock, but luckily no one among the crowd seems the wiser to a Romulan young adult carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He holds the straps of his bag and his staff with a white-knuckle grip. Raffi hooks her left arm into the crook of Elnor’s right. “What’s the matter?”

Rereading this I remembered how fun it was to write Raffi and Elnor interact. My intention here (and throughout the fic) was to have Raffi obviously care for him while also not losing her somewhat world-weary attitude because of her affection. Raffi is still a woman who analyzes everything around her, and acts accordingly—not to mention all the unacknowledged guilt she carries wrt her son Gabe. I didn't want to have Raffi be straightforwardly ‘maternal’, it didn't feel right and I think older women in fiction should be allowed to have mixed feelings about this role more often. Plus, like Raffi herself realizes later in the fic, Elnor has already had plenty of other women bossing him around all his life, he doesn't need one more.

Soji is at the navigation console, smiling and waving a little awkwardly. And finally, Seven watching them from the captain’s chair, which she occupies with ease, leaning on one armrest. The very image of the roguish pirate captain; Cris wishes he could pull it off this well. “Welcome aboard,” Seven says, the hint of a smirk on her lips, as if she’d just heard every single one of Raffi’s thoughts.

I honestly think Raffi is constantly roasting Cris in her head. Also when rereading I was surprised about this reprise of the idea of mind-reading from the previous dialogue between Raffi and Elnor, that was cool and I can't remember if I even wrote it entirely on purpose. In any case, I wanted to have both Soji and Elnor along for this story because (1) they could offer an interesting outsider perspective on the older women drama about to unfold and (2) I wanted to have them interact with each other and have an adventure that had nothing to do with their specific backstories. Writing Soji in this story was so much fun! It was a nice challenge to balance her characterization between the right amounts of deadpan honesty and genuine care, and making it obvious that she's still figuring out how she wants to live her life.

“I don’t think Cris would forgive me if I tried to take La Sirena into another Borg transwarp conduit,” Soji says. “And honestly I’m not sure the ship can take it.” “It wasn’t particularly pleasant on a Borg cube either,” Seven adds. “As I’m sure Elnor remembers.” “Crashing on the surface was worse,” he replies, and some of the gloom lifts from his face. The effect Seven has on people sometimes—but Raffi should be the last to judge, shouldn’t she? It’s not as if seeing Seven again, sitting on that chair so lazily and yet still projecting intent, isn’t reminding Raffi of the few weeks they’d spent on board La Sirena before. But it’s probably best if she revisits that particular recap reel in private.

I based this little Seven-Elnor interaction from my own feelings about my Cool Aunt, which I think are fitting lmao (ie especially as kid, if she was speaking to me I would immediately feel better no matter what)

Also while rereading I was like, damn I made this first half of the chapter so horny... but I've been in a ldr myself and this is pretty true to my own experience. Reuniting always means a mixture of attraction and awkwardness, and it's what I wanted to convey about Raffi and Seven here, especially since they both have a hard time trusting in people or believing that they're capable of being around people without fucking it up. The following misunderstanding about room assignments is part of this pattern.

She’s re-learning restraint, in the hardest way possible, in other facets of her life.

So here comes the part of this fic I agonized over the most... Raffi's history of substance abuse and her current commitment to sobriety. I thought the latter is what fit better with Raffi's actions on the second half of S1 (ie locking herself out of the replicator) and some scenes of S2—imho those are clues that she (wants to) simply quit. Now, a commitment to complete sobriety (including weed snakeleaf, like in a 12-step program) is not necessarily an effective way to treat addiction long term—actually quite the opposite, from what I could learn from the research I did, even if still the most popular recommended form of treatment today. I'm not entirely sure it would be at all recommended in the 24th century. So how to reconcile this with the hints about Raffi quitting cold-turkey? Is it even something I would want to depict in a good light? What I eventually tried to do is treat the matter strictly from a character perspective. I hinted that Raffi is seeing a counselor, and now feeling part of a network of people, and is now restored to her place in society via Starfleet (from her perspective). Sobriety is something she thinks she should do and can do now, so that's what Raffi did; it's all part of her wider commitment to live a different life. If this also has a whiff of self-punishment... I don't think you'd be entirely wrong. I tried to hint that Raffi has her own thoughts on her addiction but I don't necessarily share them myself (see the disclaimer on top of chapter 4), and those thoughts might be another way in which she's denying herself (because no one else grants it to her either) the compassion I think she deserves. It's a really complex topic and I don't know if I did it justice here. I welcome feedback if you have any.

She’d thought she’d lost any interest in making out, over the years—she was surprised to find out how much Seven enjoys it, and how much of that enjoyment is infectious.

I have this headcanon that Seven really enjoys making out (it's appeared in other fic of mine too, eg “Doing the Unstuck”) and her partners never expect this of her. I think I like the idea that Seven's approach to sex and intimacy is still about the sudden thrill of closeness she displayed when she twirled Chakotay around in order to kiss him lol. I especially like the idea it's one of the things about Seven that's not changed despite all that happened to her since said kiss, and that she could bring Raffi to enjoy making out again as well.

It’s still the same suitcase-shaped contraption that she cobbled together months earlier with Borg parts from the Artifact, as far as Raffi can tell. Some other parts Seven had replicated on La Sirena, and then had proceeded to build the device with surprising ease. She’d explained that it was a modular design she and other friends had come up with over the years. It hadn’t been the first time she’d found herself needing a regenerator without having one handy. Raffi had admired her resourcefulness then, and still does now.

I ranted a lot about Seven's regeneration last summer, and all my thoughts and headcanons ended up in this fic. Regeneration for Seven is now a bit different than what it used to be on Voyager; still a necessity but quicker, and something that doesn't tie her down to bulky machinery any longer. Something that ultimately Seven has more control over. However, it's also a necessity that now needs to be articulated explicitly to the people she's close to, and that other people have to learn to take into account about her. I also wanted Seven to determine clear boundaries around regeneration—eg, here she doesn't want other people around when she regenerates—but boundaries that she is still constantly renegotiating, as it happens in chapter two when she invites Raffi to stay. Seven isn't used to be around people much anymore, so she's still adapting to new realities (like her relationship with Raffi) and rethinking what is comfortable for her.

“I hope your other stops were less frustrating than Trill,” Raffi offers, making her presence known. Soji looks up at her, and her face breaks into a smile. “Oh hey, I didn’t realize you were here, Raffi. But yes, I can honestly say it was the worst one so far. I think, and Agnes agrees, that their academic institutions really opposed the lifting of the synth ban for some reason.”

This little piece of Trill worldbuilding came to be because in “Second Self” Una McCormack wrote that Raffi has taken part in the zhian'tara of a colleague. Which is absolutely bonkers to me!! I couldn't help myself and expand on it a bit, all the while maintaining my stance on Trill being very conservative when it comes to decide on people's personhood. I know it's maybe controversial but I really don't think Trill institutions are that enlightened on the topic. They might think they are, but in presence of someone like Soji the appearance would crumble immediately. I honestly loved revisiting my Trill feelings through Raffi and Soji, I haven't written Dax fic in a very long time, so this was a nice way for me to scratch that itch.

Raffi crosses her legs, raises an eyebrow. She’s reminded all too well of when Soji had first come aboard, the confusion of a young woman whose entire life as she knew it had been a deception. She can recall how Soji described her relationship with Narek, and how Raffi had been the one to name his behavior for what it was. Maybe some pointing out of the obvious is needed here too.

This is one of the things that caught my attention the most when I rewatched S1—Raffi has been looking out for Soji practically from the start, calling out Narek's presence for what it was (abusive). I wanted to let Raffi speak her mind here as well, about the kind of interactions Soji has had while on tour.

A scratchy, stuttering audio signal starts playing from La Sirena’s bridge speakers. ‘—damage. Propulsion systems offline. Atmospheric controls—’ More digital artifacting of the signal. ‘—predict where the subspace eddies will take the ship. I don’t know how long I still have—’ The audio signal cuts off, then the message repeats once again. ‘—damage. Propulsion systems offline. Atmospheric controls—’ “I think that’s all of it,” Soji says, soberly. “Damn,” Raffi says, at a loss. “She’s dying, if not already dead,” Elnor says, voicing what everyone is thinking. He turns to Raffi. “What do we do?”

When she read this chapter, my partner asked me about the use of pronouns for the yet unknown person in distress—here Elnor assumes it's a she, while Raffi and Soji don't. It was actually on purpose, I wanted to hint at the fact that Elnor's default assumption is that the people that do stuff out there in space are women because the Qowat Milat usually speaks in these terms as well. Maybe it's silly, I don't know, but I wrote it in anyway as a subtle wordlbuilding detail. Maybe too subtle if it leads to pronoun confusion.

“I’m not sure I could live with myself if we didn’t try to save the crew of that ship. There’s a chance they might still be alive.” “Then let’s do it,” Raffi says with a curt nod. “You’re in command of La Sirena now.”

In the rescue scene I tried very hard to let Raffi do tactical evaluation in a way that didn't come off as callous as it sometimes does for Worf on TNG or Tuvok on Voyager—she's honestly trying to give Soji, now in command, a good overview of the situation.

Raffi takes a long look at Elnor, and to his credit he looks genuinely curious, hands folded together, leaning with his elbows on his knees. She knows better than to doubt his intentions, but—when he wants, he knows exactly when and how to ask one of his blunt questions for maximum effect, doesn’t he? In this case, distraction. She idly wonders if this is a skill that everyone in the Qowat Milat picks up, along with the assassin training. Using the truth as a finely honed blade, rather than the cudgel it’s always reminded her of.

That the absolute candor tenet of the Qowat Milat may be used in more than one way and for more than one goal is something I already written about before (ie in “Policy of Truth”). I think Raffi has her own different ideas about telling the truth because she's trained in intelligence gathering and also because pursuing the truth has always been painful for her—see her quest to find out who was behind the Mars attack. So here she's surprised to find out that Elnor's honesty is not at all a weakness, which she's assumed so far, but rather a very well-honed skill.

“It is the ship we’re looking for,” Soji confirms, going through the readings with, once again, an ease that belies her actual experiences. “It is still transmitting the distress call, though it’s extremely garbled. The hull is pressurized, somehow, at least partially. Life signs—one, I think. Humanoid. Very faint” She looks at Raffi, eyes wide, and Raffi braces herself. “We have to beam them over. The subspace tug might breach the hull at any time. I know that we have no idea who we’ll find, but they’re dying.” Goddammit. They really should’ve woken Seven up before getting here. Then again, at this point it’s probably best to ask for forgiveness than permission. If they’re all still alive to do so. But they will; a boy assassin, an android with super strength, and Raffi. Risk assessment used to be her job in Starfleet, long ago.

I still really like Raffi thinking 'oh well, too late to go back now, but at least I have backup'. I thought about her characterization a lot while writing this fic, and tried to convey her dry humor at best I can. She's really funny in canon! I really enjoyed writing her constant quips, even if they're just in her head.

Down the stairs, she hears Emil grumble. “I can’t deliver proper emergency care if you rush me.” “You’ll replicate what you need, as you need it,” Soji retorts impatiently. “Just initiate the transport.”

All EMHs are the same.

She’s older now, and out of uniform, looking much worse for wear after what she just went through. But there’d been a time more than twenty years prior when her face had been on every Federation newsfeed, along with the rest of the crew of the USS Voyager. “You know her?” Raffi turns to Soji, frozen in bemusement beside Emil. “I’ve never met her but yes, I know who she is,” Raffi says. “You two stay here and keep an eye on things. Seven needs to see this.”

I really like the way this chapter ends (so much so that it's the quote I chose for the fic summary on AO3). I thought about the idea of generational difference a lot when coming up with this fic, and how Raffi has witnessed so many momentous events, like the return of Voyager, that Elnor and even Soji really have no context for. It's an interesting aspect of having older characters that weren't around in previous shows, and an opportunity for a different perspective that unfortunately I think Star Trek: Picard squandered completely (Una McCormack was more attentive in her novels, luckily). Regardless, Raffi's experience turns out to be an asset more than once in this fic—no one aboard La Sirena at this point is as intimately aware of the events of the Dominion War as she is.

#i did this before but i forgot how i tagged it rip #fic commentary #<- this was the right tag

[sarahowritesostucky]

📖"Alpha, Beta (& Omega)"

Rated: Explicit

Chapter Rating: Teen

Word Count: 3617

Pairing: Steve x Bucky

Tags: a/b/o, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, nobility/royalty au, alternate history, dom/sub elements, beta bucky, anal sex, oral sex, hurt/comfort, first time, age gap, domestic discipline, spanking, head of household, wedding night, Edwardian time period, m/f/m poly marriage

Summary: To save House Barnes from scandalous ruin, James must agree to a contracted marriage, accepting Lord Senator Steven Rogers as his Alpha, Husband, and Headship.

To read previous parts of this series first, got to the story's masterlist

13. A Public Scene

This Chapter: “What do you think I should do to you, hm? You think I should spank you? Put you over my knee? I wasn't raised to neglect my duties as Headship, Bucky. I've been spending all this time trying to be lenient, trying to be your friend. But maybe that’s not what you need. Maybe you just need to be put in your place.”

Bucky sets his plan into motion the very next day. He asks Steve if they can do something fun that evening. “Something that does not involve high Society,” he stipulates, to which Steve gets a thoughtful look on his face and tells him,

“Yeah. Yeah we can do that. I’ll come up with something.”

What Bucky doesn’t expect is for him to take them out to a genuine tavern. Inside the local Rose and Crown, it’s warm and loud and cheerful. Bucky lets Steve guide him to a booth and they both slide onto the bench, squished in next to each other. “It’s crowded!” Bucky says, voice raised to be heard over the general volume of the place. He's grinning like an idiot, never having been in a place like this. "I've never been in a place like this!"

“Sorry!” Steve says. “I know it’s a little common, but I thought that was what you might’ve wan—"

“I love it!” Bucky says, and he does. The hubbub and cheer of all the patrons is infectious. It makes Bucky wish that he could be a part of it. Society fellows like he and Steve would never be permitted to frequent places like this back home. The anonymity of their trip allows them to pass under the radar for now, and Bucky finds that delightful. The fact that they’ve dressed down for the evening helps them pass unnoticed—although they’re dressed fancier than any of the locals. It isn’t a lewd place or anything, just a social hub for working men and women after a long day, but the mood is boisterous and rowdy, and Bucky is honestly surprised that Steve would bring him here. “It’s neat!” he tells Steve.

Steve smiles and looks enthused at Bucky’s response. He scoots in closer—much closer—to Bucky and puts their faces together so that neither of them has to shout. “Yeah?” he asks, smiling genuinely and meeting Bucky’s gaze with his pretty blue eyes and stupidly earnest, stupidly handsome face. “Good. I wanted to do something you’d enjoy, after the ball last night. I know you didn’t exactly have the greatest time.”

Bucky scoffs. “You can say that again.”

On the tabletop, Steve’s hand slides over top of his, enveloping his fingers in an affectionate squeeze. “I know that wasn’t easy for you, behaving like that, having all those snotty people look down their noses at you. But I appreciate the restraint you showed.” His eyes are kind but his lips quirk the barest bit, as if he’s remembering Bucky’s huffy shenanigans at the ball. “I have to admit, I kind of loved seeing the look on Lady Whatsit’s face when you actually told her to butt out.” When Bucky does nothing but look at their joined hands and grunt, Steve hums and rubs hand soothingly. “I’m sure it’ll get easier to navigate public events in the future, as a Senatorial Spouse. And of course it's not so strict back home, Buck. You know I’ll always try to—”

“Let’s order drinks,” Bucky says, cutting him off and pulling his hand out of Steve’s consoling one. Steve looks a little miffed, but Bucky pretends not to notice and flags down the barkeep.

“Get ye?” the man asks as he arrives at their table, wiping his hands on a towel. Bucky asks what he recommends they order to drink. The barkeep squints at him, as though Bucky’s outed himself as an outsider simply by having to ask. He grunts and says that he’ll bring them over two pints. Bucky’s certain he catches the guy muttering something about “Rich folk” on his way back to the bar.

Two big glasses get clunked onto the table a moment later. “Hope you like Guinness,” Bucky tells Steve as he sits back and pulls his own mug in close. “Or whatever this is.” It’s black, foamy on top, and Bucky lifts the heavy glass to drink from it. The foam gets all over his upper lip. He pulls back and smacks his lips loudly. “Wow. I really hate beer.” He sips again, accumulating more foam. Steve laughs at him and Bucky raises an eyebrow. Deciding to be a shit, he swipes the foam away on a finger, then sucks that finger into his mouth in a purposefully suggestive manner.

“Buck,” Steve scolds, still smiling. “Take it easy.”

Bucky refrains from rolling his eyes. “Oh. So I can’t entice you in public then?”

Steve’s eyebrows rise. “Entice?”

“Mm.” Bucky shrugs. “I mean, you wouldn’t want me doing anything like, say … this?” He scoots so close to Steve that they’re pressed full together from shoulder to hip, then slides his hand onto Steve’s leg. Even from over his trousers, Bucky can feel the firm muscle of his thigh. “Husband?”

Steve’s gone still, and after a moment of what Bucky interprets as shock, his hand finds Bucky’s under the table and removes it. “Yeah. Definitely not that.”

“Oh come on. Don’t be such an old man.”

“I’m hardly old,” Steve drawls. “Just because you’re a child.”

“You’re the one who married me,” Bucky grumbles before he can help it. Steve stiffens though, having heard. He lets go of Bucky’s hand.

“I meant it figuratively, of course,” he snips. “You’re of majority.”

Yeah and you’re a thirty year old Alpha who pity-married your beta first. Who even does that? Bucky can’t bring himself to say it out loud, though he wants to. When he starts to slide his hand back onto Steve’s thigh, the alpha sighs and removes it again. “Honestly, Buck, what do you want me to say: ‘Yes, you can go ahead and grope me in public’?”

“Nobody would’ve seen,” Bucky snipes. “I was just trying to have some fun.”

Steve looks like he doesn’t know what to say to that. Before he can say anything, the sound of a piano chimes, someone having started in on a loud tune across the bar. It’s a drinking song that’s obviously well-known, as many of the patrons laugh and start to sing along. “There,” Steve says, wrapping his arm around Bucky’s waist and hugging him against his side. He kisses his hair and gives him a playful squeeze. “Stop trying to molest me and just enjoy the atmosphere.”

Bucky grunts, pulls his beer in closer to sip it, and tries not to admit to himself how much he likes the feeling of being held tightly against Steve’s body.

Several beers and many songs later, the pub is in full swing. The man who’d been playing songs at the piano an hour ago has been replaced by a younger—and drunker—woman, and she’s banging out tunes that have far bawdier lyrics, much to Bucky’s delight.

He’s drunk now. He waited until Steve got caught up in conversation with a friendly stranger, then took several shots in rapid succession before he could be caught. Now, Steve has excused himself to the restroom and Bucky’s taken his chance again to order and down another two shots. He goes to the piano’s side with a few other fellows who’re singing along, and stands there drinking his beer and singing loudly along with the current song that he thinks he’s got about half the lyrics down pat—something about a locksmith’s mistress.

The other people have noticed Bucky and that he’s American, and they start cheering for him to take the lead in the chorus. And hey, since Bucky’s drunk and wants to piss Steve off, he figures this is a good way to test the waters. It’s not like he isn’t having fun being stupid in public, anyways. So he gets up on a bench and starts singing the worst of the lewd lyrics with everyone clapping and singing along with him.

Everybody is ruddy-cheeked and howling with laughter and drunkenness, and Bucky is actually starting to crack himself up. Down below, somebody shoves what must be the prettiest girl in the room forward and they hoist her up onto Bucky’s bench, and Bucky takes her into his arms and they sing the lyrics together, him getting the words wrong out of ignorance, and her out of utter drunkenness. The chorus comes ‘round again and they’re all about to sing it, but then Steve comes back from the restroom and sees the situation. And he does not look pleased. His eyes widen in shock, aimed straight at where Bucky has his arm wrapped around the pretty girl’s waist. Then they narrow to slits, 

Oh boy.

Bucky grins and lowers the girl back down to the floor. “Sorry Doll,” he says. “I think this is where I leave you.”

“Aww no!!” The crowd moans and protests the ‘Crazy American’ leaving, but Bucky waves them off with a drunken salute. “I love you!” he says. “Goodnight! Godspeed! God save the queen!”

The people roar and cheer even louder at that, and just when Bucky’s about to say he’ll be back tomorrow night, he feels Steve’s big hand wrap around his wrist and give a firm yank. “Let’s go.”

Outside on the street, Bucky has to keep his eyes focused on the sidewalk because everything in London is cobblestoned and therefore a literal deathtrap for any pedestrian who’s had more than two drinks. “Ouch! Oof! Steve, slow down!” Bucky’s giggling and stumbling, holding onto Steve’s arm as they walk and gleefully aware of how unhappy his husband is. The upset, possessive Alpha smell coming off of him is the biggest indicator. Bucky snickers, amused by it as they walk. “You smell mad, Steve.”

Steve grunts.

“Are you mad?” Bucky asks, voice lilting childishly, even to his own ears.

Steve huffs and pulls him along. “Yes, Bucky. I’m mad.”

“But whyyy?” Bucky whines. 

“Because. You were behaving like a fool.”

“Pft. So what?”

Steve’s arm muscles stiffen where Bucky’s hanging onto him. “You’re a Senator’s husband!”

Bucky huffs. He knows that. If they were in the States, he’d almost certainly be in the penny papers by morning print. And it would not be good for Steve’s image or his career “Why’d we hafta leave?” he slurs, not paying attention to Steve’s answer at all. He knows he was being completely inappropriate. That’d been the point. He doesn’t admit this to Steve, of course. “I was having fun!”

“Too much fun,” Steve says, voice clipped.

Bucky grumbles unhappily. “No.”

“Come on. We’re here.”

The next thing Bucky knows, they’re in the apartment, and—wow—he must be drunker than he thought, because hadn’t they just been in the street? “Huh,” he says, rubbing his eyes and shrugging his jacket off onto the floor. He hears Steve make a frustrated sound and turns to face him. “What?”

“Pick that up,” Steve says. “You’re not going to make a mess in my home.”

“Your home?” Bucky frowns. “What’s yours is mine, Dear.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yeah yeah. Hang your things up, or at least put them in the bin where the servants will find them.”

It takes Bucky a few seconds to process that, and when he does, he gets defensive and sneers at Steve. “The ‘bin’? The ‘bin’ is the trashcan, Steve. Don’t you speak British?” He’s being nothing but snotty and difficult, but that’s the whole point. He kicks his jacket across the floor, though it doesn’t move very far—certainly not far enough to be satisfying. “S’fine,” he insists brattily. “I’ll get it tomorrow.”

Steve clearly doesn’t think this is funny. He stands there looking annoyed, hands on his hips. “Trust me, tomorrow you are not going to be in any shape to tidy this place. Come on Bucky. Pick it up. I’m not playing this game with you.”

Bucky stills, the amusement draining from his face at the rude awakening of Steve's Voice.  “‘Game’?” he says lowly. “You think I’m playing a game?”

“Pick up your things and come to bed.” Steve doesn’t spare him another glance as he turns and leaves the room.

Bucky scoffs at the authority in his tone, and at the fact that he's pretty much dismissed Bucky by turning his back and walking away. Bucky scoops up his jacket and follows after him, standing in the doorway to the bedroom and crossing his arms as he watches Steve starting to get undressed.

“Hang your jacket up,” Steve says.

Bucky drops it. “Make me.” He kicks his shoes off one by one, just to add to the insolence. 

“Oh.” Steve says. He nods and calmly removes his cufflinks and watch. He sets them aside on the highboy, then takes the time to neatly remove his shirt and drape it over the footboard of the bed. Bucky gets distracted at the sight of Steve’s bared upper body in only an undershirt—his toned back and wide shoulders and tapered waist … But then Steve turns to face him, and the look he gives Bucky is all business. “Is that how it is, then?” he asks quietly.

Bucky nods, though in all honesty he feels a bit nervous to be actively challenging Steve like this. Even for someone like him, it’s bold. Steve is his Headship, after all, and his features are hardening rapidly at Bucky’s behavior. “That’s how it is,” Bucky says.

Steve inhales deeply, looking disappointed. “You’re sloppy-drunk Buck. How many shots did you down while I was away from the table?”

Bucky's face slackens, taken-aback and annoyed that Steve knows about the shots. Digging his heels in, he shrugs and lets a mean little chuckle escape. “I dunno. Who cares? I was having fun.” He gets up in Steve’s face and points at him. “Because that’s what real people do, Steve. They have fun, they get drunk.”

“It’s how alcoholics have fun,” Steve snaps, not backing down from Bucky’s closeness. “Or bratty betas who’re trying to cause a scene.”

Bucky freezes, caught out by Steve’s words. “I—I wasn’t—”

“Oh, weren’t you?” Steve cants his head. “You’re telling me that little display wasn’t you trying to push your boundaries with me?”

Bucky feels his cheeks heat. “Boundaries?” He scoffs. “What boundaries? You haven’t set any. I’m not a child.” Bitterly, he adds, “Like you have any right to—”

“I have every right to, and you know it,” Steve says tersely. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to make it a formal thing in our marriage. I was hoping you’d just—"

“Just what, Steve? Hm? Just behave? Fall in line? Obey you?”

Steve's lips twist unhappily. “It was in your marriage vows, if you’ll remember correctly.”

That hits Bucky like a slap in the face. Because, shit: it really was, wasn’t it? “Well we both know this was a marriage of convenience,” he counters, flustered and well-aware of the new level of nasty he’s taking this to. “I didn’t get to write the vows, I just had to say them.”

“But you did agree to say them. I gave you ample opportunity to back out,” Steve says. "I left the choice to you."

“And leave my family in ruin?” Bucky scoffs. “Yeah, some choice that was.” He glares at Steve and growls, though it’s nothing like the sort of sound Steve could put out, if he wanted to. “I never wanted this. I never wanted you!” Steve is coming closer, backing him up against the wall and holding him in place with his stare and his pure physicality, their chests only inches apart. Bucky gulps at the proximity and the scent of him. Steve smells …

“You want boundaries?” he says. “You’ll get them.”

Overcome by the unnerving urge to bare his neck to his Alpha, Bucky swallows heavily and forces himself not to. “You gonna hit me?” he asks, genuinely worried that Steve might do it. He certainly looks displeased enough.

For a second, Steve’s eyes go soft, but then they harden again. “You seem to think you can keep asking that, then provoking me, then asking again, and it’ll never happen.” He tips his head down to Bucky's level, leaning in closer—close enough that Bucky would think he was going to kiss him, if they weren’t in their present situation. “What do you think I should do to you, hm? You think I should spank you? Put you over my knee?”

Bucky gulps and shakes his head the barest bit. “No.”

Steve’s eyebrows draw together, mocking him with a sympathetic pout. “No? Hm. Over the bed then? I think that’s how my mother did it with my fathers. Or maybe with your palms against the wall. Or wait, I know; I’ll have you bend right in half and grab your ankles. That’s the most humiliating position of all, isn’t it? Maybe that’s what it’ll take with you. I've been spending all this time trying to be lenient, trying to be your friend. But maybe that’s not what you need.”

Bucky whimpers, overwhelmed by this new side of Steve he’s seeing. “S-steve,”

“Maybe you just need to be put in your place.” Steve physically presses him against the wall, crowding him until their chests are touching and he’s putting his lips to Bucky’s ear to whisper, “You think I don’t know how to assert myself in this marriage, Bucky? Well try me. I didn’t put the capital H in Headship, but we both know it’s there. And I wasn’t raised to neglect my Spouse.” He steps back, giving back those few inches of space, though it hardly makes a difference for how stuck in place Bucky feels. “I’ll discipline you when I feel it’s needed.”

“Now?!”

He shakes his head. “Tonight was your last freebie.”

Bucky is left gaping, unable to untangle his cowed thoughts from his outraged ones. He’s drunk, so he settles on growling and jerking away from Steve, headed to the bathroom to get away from him. “I hate you!” he snaps, not clever enough to come up with anything more creative to say. 

Steve doesn’t reply or follow after him, thank goodness.

Bucky runs himself a bath just so that he can have time to himself. But eventually the bathwater gets cold, and he's forced to concede that his reprieve is over.

He pulls the plug from the drain and dries off using one of the big fluffy towels. Steve’s London apartment really is very luxurious, but he doesn’t have time to appreciate the fine crystal fixtures or the smooth marble floors. He knows he has to go back out to the bedroom and face his husband now, and he so doesn’t want to.

When he gets out there, Steve is sitting up against the headboard, legs under the covers and changed into his night clothes. He’s holding a book, the bedside lamp’s gas flame just barely illuminating the darkness. “Hey,” he says, marking his place in the book and setting it aside. He pats the bed next to him. “Come on over here.”

Bucky frowns, feeling vulnerable with his hair wet and nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He goes over to the vacant side of the bed. “... You want me to sleep in here?” he asks, audibly unsure. He’d been expecting Steve to tell him to sleep in another of the bedrooms.

“I don’t subscribe to the notion of kicking Spouses out of bed for misbehavior,” Steve says. He nods for Bucky to lie down. “Come here.” 

Bucky bites his lip, eyes roving over to where his own nightclothes are stored in the dresser … 

“You don’t need them,” Steve says, bringing Bucky’s attention back. He nods at the towel. “You’ve been so eager to drop your clothing all night. You can stay naked.”

That makes Bucky’s guts twist with dread—and okay, maybe the barest twinge of arousal. The dread far outweighs it, though. He hesitates, but eventually listens, dropping the towel and climbing under the covers quickly. He doesn’t want to be naked in front of Steve. “Don’t touch me,” he says when he’s laid down and Steve is moving closer.

Steve pauses, body going stiff where he’d been about to pull Bucky into his arms. "What?"

“I don’t want to have sex,” Bucky mumbles, not quite able to meet his eyes. “Please don’t make me.”

Steve’s scent sours even worse than when he was angry and had Bucky pinned against the wall. It’s a long moment before he speaks, and when he does, his voice is quiet but firm: “I will never force you to have sex with me, Bucky. Do you understand that?” Bucky keeps his eyes down and nods, but Steve doesn’t accept that. “Look at me.”

Bucky inhales at the use of Steve’s Voice. He meets his eyes … and is surprised to see that Steve doesn’t look mad. He does look like he’s waiting for Bucky to listen to something important, though. “What?” Bucky snaps self-consciously.

“I know what I said about being your Headship, Buck. And I meant it. But I promise you: I won’t ever make you do anything sexual that you don’t want.”

He squirms, embarrassed even though he’s glad to hear Steve say this. “Don’t see why not,” he mumbles. “It’s your ‘right’ just like everything else. You’re the Headship, and I’m just the beta Second you pity-married.”

Steve can obviously hear all of the quiet scorn in that, but he doesn’t take the bait. He stares at him for a long moment, his unhappy gaze boring into Bucky from across the bed. “Go to sleep, Buck,” he finally says, sounding sad. “Trust me: I have zero interest in touching you that way tonight. I was just going to hold you while we fall asleep.”

“Sure. Whatever.”

“… And you only ever have to say ‘no’ to me, if you don’t want it,” he adds. His scent has turned to something kind of … hollow and forlorn. Bucky doesn’t like it. “Go to sleep,” he says again, then reaches over to turn down the lamp.

They’re left in darkness illuminated only by the faint speck of the lamp's pilot light. Bucky feels the motions as Steve shuffles and lays down on the mattress, firmly on his side of the bed. Bucky lies down too, tucking into himself and scrubbing his cheek into the pillow, facing away from Steve.

He winds up feeling cold and alone, and wishing he’d allowed his alpha to hold him after all.

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Extra funds? Consider🍵 tipping your local starving artist smut author!

✍🏻Commissions: reach out via Tumblr DM or contact here

#enemies to lovers #royalty au #arranged marriage #arranged marriage au #marriage of convenience #hate to love #alpha steve rogers #bucky barnes #mcu #marvel #stucky #steve rogers #fanfiction #steve rogers x bucky barnes #fanfic #a/b/o #alpha beta omega #alpha/beta/omega au #dom/sub dynamics #d/s dynamic #traditional marriage #head of household #historical au #edwardian era