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alfredosauce50 · 3 years

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Welcome to Wolfs Rock [Werewolf! America x reader]

Wordcount: 4, 913 Synopsis: It’s only the first day of your trip to Wolfs Rock, and Alfred is already getting on your nerves. You’re both eager to make things work, but the arrival of a handsome third-wheeler jeopardizes the efforts. Mathias Densen, the camp coordinator. Strangely enough, he ends up being a bigger help to your relationship than expected. When Alfred goes missing, he helps you find him. It’s a nightmare on your end, but it’s more of a mystical daydream to Alfred. The reader is referred to as she/her.

It all started on the camping trip in September.

Being not too cold and not too hot, it was meant to be the best month of the year to go and explore the wilderness. Alfred couldn't shut up about a resort inner state. He was always an outdoorsy person, and this place practically knocked his socks off.

Because rather than going old school and pitching up a tent, you were both staying in a picturesque wooden lodge.

He booked a spot overlooking a lake. Surrounding that was a thick forest of pine trees, making for the perfect hiking trail. You haven't even had a chance to admire the scenery yet, having been stuck being the bellboy, towing around his things.

Racing up the stairs to the porch, he spun around and gleamed at you. "Hurry up, already! I'm dying to see the inside of this lodge!" He exclaimed eagerly, turning back to slot the key into the door. "Man, this place already looks better than the pictures."

You hauled up both of your suitcases with a heavy huff. "You know you can go inside first, right? You've always been ahead of me." He shot you a funny look at what you said before taking your hand. The trip had barely started, and you were giving him attitude. Well, pre-attitude. But he wasn't having any of it.

"And you know I'd never go inside without you, babe. Now cheer up, okay? I'm sorry I dragged you around," Alfred sighed, catching a small smile stretch your lips. "That's my girl." The guy had a way with words, so you found yourself forgiving him faster than you wanted. That didn’t mean you couldn’t be mad during the moment, though.

The excitable goof kept running off and leaving you behind. With his things. His fishing gear.

"Ditch me again and I’m taking the car home, Al."

He laughed nervously. "Wouldn’t be the first time."

"That’s how you know I’m serious."

"So I'll chase you down the road. Works eventually," He added, catching a light glare from you. "And we won't be doing that today." He whispered. Taking your cheek in one hand, he leaned in and pressed a warm kiss to your mouth. It was slow and heated, as always. When you returned it, which was hard enough already, Alfred couldn’t help noticing how gentle you were being.

And he didn’t do well with gentle.

"It’s like you hate being around me sometimes," He mumbled over your lips. "What is your problem?" Your attitude transferred to him through the kiss, but he had another way of expressing it. He was leaning in for seconds, and you weren't too thrilled.

Before he could even graze his tongue on you, you clamped a hand over his mouth. "My problem is that you can't take me seriously," You murmured. He blinked, taken aback by your as-a-matter-of-factly tone. "So it’s just as much of a you problem." Releasing him at that, you made your way up the stairs with your things.

Alfred usually would've offered to take your stuff up for you, but it didn't look like you wanted the help.

"But whatever. I don't wanna fight with you."

He hung his head, feeling a hard frown work into his features. So much had changed since you first got together with him. You two weren't always going back and forth at each other. Disagreeing over anything and everything. The chemistry changed for the worse, but one thing remained constant.

He was still crazy about you. Whether you felt the same was a question that needed answering. Once Alfred got his things upstairs, he sat on the bed and watched you change. With his legs sprawled and hands behind his back, he kept a lazy, dazed stare on your form as you took your shirt off. This was the best part. Until he got caught, that is.

Spinning to him with your face flushed red, you tore him a new one. "What're you doing here? Get out!" His eyes widened as a prominent blush took over. Looks like he just made a huge mistake. So he stood up, moved away, and backed up slowly. "Are you dense? Go!" You gave him a strong shove back. He stopped abruptly by the stairs to keep his footing.

"Aye, ooh—" He threw his hands up defensively. "I’m sorry! I just thought you’d be okay with it."

"No, you peeping Tom! If you had your glasses on, you’d be at the bottom of the stairs by now." You finished, walking to the other side of the room.

Alfred covered his eyes. "So, do I go downstairs?"

He couldn’t understand why you were so mad, so maybe he was dense. It went without saying that he’d seen you in less, and none of those times ended with him getting pushed down the stairs.

"Just turn around. I need your help with sunscreen."

The two of you hiked around the mountains for the rest of the day. You only managed a few bad photos of chipmunks, but that didn’t matter when you took great ones with Alfred. He certainly talked enough to be one. By the time you returned to camp for dinner, you'd forgotten what you were so annoyed at him for. Maybe him getting hurt had something to do with it.

"Only kids trip over their own feet," You laughed, pushing him to the side to get him staggering all over again. "Some track star you are."

Alfred shot you a heated glare. "I'm not a kid. I just couldn't see the weird shrubs an' stuff!" He kicked at a stray pebble on the path, but missed it completely. "If you had eyesight as bad as me, you'd get it."

"Nobody could have eyesight as bad as you."

That comment alone got him chasing you around in circles. "Big deal, I got my glasses!" Being starved half to death and tired out of your mind, you let him catch you with ease. While he panted over your face, he pressed breathy kisses all over it. "My foot's getting worse and it's all your fault."

"Stop!" But he kept going, and you never pulled away. Instead, you returned the affection and wrapped your arms around his neck. While your lips met again and again, the only thing you could think about was this—it felt good to be on the same page as him again.

Getting him to sit down had never been so difficult. So you promised you'd get him a little bit of everything, and that did the trick. While you ran off in the cafeteria, you had your head turned to the guy, watching him beam at you with two thumbs up. What an idiot, you thought, but you weren't so much better yourself when you ran right into someone.

The collision was hard, almost as if you ran into a pole. When you glanced up at them, it became clear why—he was huge. "I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going," You apologized. Your uneasiness, however, melted away when you heard him laugh. When he fell quiet, his energy never left his toothy grin. Something about him reminded you of Alfred.

Blonde, blue eyes, and oozing with charisma. But rather than having his bangs swept to one side, his hair stuck up in all sorts of directions.

He hadn't even opened his mouth yet, and you could tell his personality was just as big as he was. "Don't worry about it! Didn't feel a thing," He piped, turning to the side to hand you a tray. "Here you go. Oh, and don't get the coleslaw. It tastes like soggy newspaper shavings."

"Thank y—" Before you could manage another word, the stranger pulled out a plate from nowhere and plopped a few potatoes on it. "—ou." He set the plate on your tray and gleamed at you.

"Try this. It’s the best thing in the cafeteria. I'd know cuz' I made it myself."

"Wow, um—" Your gaze traveled down to his dress shirt, and over his breast pocket was a name tag. That explained a lot. "—thanks, Mathias," He gave his name tag a playful tap as if to say, that's me. You gave a firm smile as you leaned down to take another tray. "You work here as one of the chefs?"

The man followed you down the aisle. "Eh, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I'm the camp coordinator,"

"And they let you in the kitchen?" Mathias shrugged. "Huh. Sounds like fun." You mused, filling up two cups with ice-cold water.

"That's why I work here," He hummed, extending a hand to point at your trays. If the second one wasn't for you, then—"Is this your way of asking me out?"

Alfred suddenly felt a sharp pain shoot through his leg. "Agh. Stupid foot," Kicking it up onto a chair, he pulled up his pant leg and inspected it. His foot was cramping, and the bandages around his leg were loosening by the second. "Dammit. Some camping trip this is." While he tightened up the rings of white, he caught sight of two figures in his peripherals. One of them he recognized to be you, but the other was a complete stranger. "...?"

You were walking in his direction, and so was he.

"Making friends already, are we?" Alfred mused. You took a seat opposite him while the stranger slid a plate his way. He eyed his food for a moment before catching sight of the name tag. "Oh. Never mind," He would’ve left it at that if it weren’t for your newest pal pulling out a chair. "... Uh... Who’s this?" He tried to be friendly, but his face wasn’t having it.

"Just some dude I bumped into," You explained eagerly. Mathias beamed at Alfred, whose brows were raised in an unimpressed look. "Turns out he organizes everything here. And I was kinda hoping he’d help you with your bandages."

"Right," Alfred tensed up. Great, now he felt bad. The Dane leaned forward and set a first aid kit on the table, making the cutlery rattle. "Wait, wait, wait. You don’t have to do that! I’m totally good. See?" He pulled his pant leg up to reveal a sloppy job of patching himself up. "It’s drying up."

Mathias craned his head to the side. "I dunno about that, friend. You don’t wanna get an infection," He rolled his sleeves up and started rummaging through the trauma kit. And damn, was he ripped. "Alcohol is best for stuff like this."

Alfred wrinkled his nose. "Alcohol? But—agh, fuck!"

"Dude," You whispered-shouted, darting your eyes to the table beside. A couple of kids were staring and cackling at the man who just dropped an F-bomb.

"Fudge! Hey, can you chill with the rubbing?"

The act of kindness turned into something else. It used to be just you and him, but Mr. Camp Coordinator here decided he didn’t have a job to work anymore. Alfred even brought that up disguised as a harmless joke, but Mathias was too unassuming. "But I am doing my job! I’m making sure everybody’s having a good time. Trust me, you’ll have a better day with your leg all fixed up," He grinned, giving his back a few hard slaps to make his torso bounce.

"Yeah, okay, haha. Enough about the leg. I can’t even feel anything anymore," Alfred stared at him through his eyebrows. His reaction was more than enough to get you to slow your movements. What was his deal? Whatever it was, you figured that Mathias had overstayed his welcome. So you did what anybody would’ve done. You lied.

"So, Mat..." Mathias lit up while Alfred’s frown deepened. Mat? Really? "... Alfred and I were just gonna wrap up for the night. We were planning to get up early and go... Fishing,"

"Fishing? Awesome! You know, I’ll be around for the first info sesh. I’ll see you there!" The other chimed. While Alfred shot you an angry look, you shrugged in defeat. Just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse, Mathias got out of his chair and appeared behind you. There, he draped an arm over your shoulder. "So, what’s about that date? Yay or nay?"

Immediately after you gave him a no, Alfred pulled you out of the place. Needless to say, neither of you was joining Mathias for fishing in the morning.

"You said I was dense, but that’s what I call dense!" He hissed, pointing at the cafeteria accusingly. He gave his head a frustrated shake as he continued down the path. You followed after, feeling your chest tighten as he walked off without you. After a few suffocating seconds of silence, he marched back and pulled you into a tight hug. Thank God.

"I’m sorry. This is kinda my fault," He screwed his eyes shut while you squeezed him back. You were way past being upset at anybody, being drained in all manners someone could be drained. All you wanted was to curl up under the covers with him and forget what happened tonight. But fate had something else in store for you both.

"I need to cool off. I really want tonight to work," Alfred pulled away, showing you a small, albeit sweet smile that got you weak at the knees. Handing you the keys at that, he gave one final wave before disappearing into the dark in a brisk jog. "I'm gonna take a walk. A quick one. I'll be back before you know it! So, put on a movie or something!"

"Okay! Don't take too long!" You called back. "And watch the leg!" When you stood up straight again, you found yourself smiling in excitement. Aside from what went down earlier in the day, you were hopeful everything would pan out the way you wanted. He would’ve agreed if he heard you say it.

The walk back to your lodge was short. While you made your way back, you'd glance up at the night sky to watch nature's fireworks. The full moon was huge. There was something ethereal about its ghostly white glow, so it was too bad Alfred wasn't here to see it with you. Without warning, your train of thought was interrupted by a wolf’s howl.

"... Oh God." Letting him run off by himself didn't seem so good of an idea anymore. But you trusted him to be smart. So long as he stayed on the main street lit up by street lamps, the chances of him getting eaten were pretty low.

"Oh, cool! A secret trail!" Alfred mused. Diverging off the path he was on, he wandered into a darker area of the camp. It looked like a field they used to pitch up tents in. The edges were lined with tall pines, so he figured not to get any closer to them. "I guess this is where everything stops,"

He pulled out his phone to turn on the flashlight. The second he turned on the beam, he was met with a wolf sitting several yards away on the grass. Turning its head to the source of the light, it bared its fangs and let out a low growl. "Oh, shit—" He breathed, taking a few steps back. He needed to get the hell out of here before he had his face ripped off.

The animal began to rise, never tearing its reflective yellow eyes off the man before him. That was when Alfred entered panic mode.

While sweat ran down his temple like bullets, he stumbled out a few words. "Uh... Nice doggy?" The creature managed to stand, but not on all fours. Instead, it stood on two legs like a humanoid.

"Wait. What?"

It lunged forward and pounced on him, head-first.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up..." After several failed attempts at calling Alfred, you were really starting to freak out about the idea of finding his dead body somewhere in the woods. When he said he’d make it quick, you never thought it meant over an hour! That warranted an explanation over the phone, but he couldn’t do you the least of giving you that. So what did you do? You called for help.

"Yello? This is the camp coordinator of Wolfs Rock Camp. What may I assist you with that you need assisting with tonigh—"

"Mathias! Hey! Is this Mathias?" You spoke frantically, hearing a thoughtful hum from the other side.

"Yep, this is me. What can I help you with? Could you tell me your cabin number?"

"Alfred’s missing."

Two strong torch beams scanned around a spot on the wide asphalt road. Even after an hour of relentless searching, neither of you found any sign of him. You even returned to your lodge a few times, hoping to see him outside the door, waiting for you. But he never showed. Exhausted and worried sick, you collapsed onto a bench and hung your head.

Your companion took a seat next to you. "Here," Mathias held out a water bottle under your line of vision. "Clears up the mind. He’s gonna be okay, don’t worry."

Taking it with little hesitation, you downed a couple of generous gulps. "Thanks," You breathed, casting a wary gaze his way. "I don’t know, Mat. We disagree on a lot of things, but I think we’d both know that a few hours is way too long for a walk."

He shook his head with a sigh, then stared out into the distance. The street lamps were going out, one by one, indicating that it was well past ten. Once the last one went out, the whole campsite was plunged into darkness. To say it was eerie was an understatement. "This campsite has been around for longer than I have, and we’ve never had any missing person cases. Ever." Your frown deepened.

He rolled his head to you and showed an apologetic look. "I have to say that you guys are pretty unlucky."

"Very." You scoffed, returning the gesture with a tired smile of your own. "It doesn’t make sense how bad things can get. We’re either at each other’s throats, or something else messes things up for us. It’s almost as if... We’re not meant to be." Your expression saddened, capturing the strong ache in your chest.

Admitting a piece of reality never hurt more.

Mathias reflected that by making another compassionate face. "Hey, chin up. You guys are still together in the end, so I think that’s pretty amazing." He patted your shoulder encouragingly. "Count the lovers’ quarrels an’ stuff as a test. You guys must be crazy for each other to still be good, ya know?"

You lit up just a touch. "You really think so?"

"I know so," He stood up and offered a hand for you to take, and you did. "So, what do you say we save this boyfriend of yours? I know a few spots I haven’t checked yet. I have a good feeling he’d be there."

While he led you around, he’d turn around occasionally to check up on you. Are you okay? He’d ask. Wanna stop for a second? Running around with the guy was like riding the wind. Not only was he fast, but he was also strong enough to pull you around until you became weightless. It was one thing you missed about Alfred, and something you really liked about Mathias. "Alright. Let’s check around this area. If he’s not here, then we’ll have to get the police involved."

You nodded eagerly and ran off. "Thanks again for doing this. I couldn’t have asked for a better person for help." This field looked like an odd place to get lost in, but you had to leave no stone unturned.

He lifted a bush. "No worries! Just doing my job."

"And sorry about what happened at dinner. I didn’t mean to cause any misunderstandings." You continued, bending down to look under a deck.

"Nah, I’m way past that. People tell me I can’t read the room." Mathias called back, watching you walk off to another corner of the field. He turned around to keep looking. "But if things don’t work out with Alfred, I’m free on the weekend." You tripped over something on the ground, but it felt more like a someone than a something. He spun back around. "You know, if he turns out dead or someth—"

"Ahh!"

Mathias carried Alfred all the way back to your lodge. While the Dane cleaned and disinfected his wounds for the second time that night, you stuck around and asked how he was feeling. He’d given you the scare of a lifetime, laying on the ground like that. Not that disappearing for a few hours didn’t do it already. "Are you sure you’re okay? I was convinced I tripped over a dead body—" He gave you a floaty smile. "—I mean, you weren’t moving at all! Maybe we should call an ambulance or something."

"It’s fine, (F/N), I promise. I was just... Really tired," He explained, reaching out to nudge your face with his fingers. Alfred made a face as he laid on the couch. "That fight took a lot out of me, so I took a nap on the grass. But now that I’ve woken up, I feel... Better." His brows came together. "A lot better."

"Wait, you fought the wolf?"

"Well, I guess! He was even standing on two feet, so he had to use his arms to get me... It was like boxing a kangaroo, except not a kangaroo."

"Mathias, is it possible to get a concussion without hitting your head?" You turned to the said man, and he responded by inspecting Alfred’s head.

"Well, you technically could if someone shook you really hard," Mathias murmured, leaning over to examine his face this time. "But I doubt that happened. Maybe he had a nightmare,"

You breathed out a soft sigh. "That won’t happen again, at least. I’ll be sleeping with this idiot," Alfred closed his eyes and practically melted into the pillow. His smile was the biggest you’ve ever seen—you couldn’t bite back a small laugh when you caught it. "Okay, thunder thighs. If you’re so comfortable on the couch, I’ll let you sleep down here for the night."

He shot up and grabbed your hand, catching you completely off guard by his speed. "—?"

"No, I’m sleeping with you."

Your cheeks lit up as you averted his steely gaze. Mathias was still here. As if Mathias read your mind, his movements faltered while he worked with the bandages. He had a deep claw mark down his leg, but it was completely covered once he was finished. So as important as he was, he felt like he wasn’t supposed to be here. "..."

"I was just kidding, you dummy. Of course you are," Standing up from the couch at that, you gave him another look of concern. "I was really worried, you know. I’m never letting you run off by yourself ever again," Making your way around to his head, you leaned down and pecked his forehead. If you lingered your lips on him for any longer, you would’ve felt him heat up in a blush. This whole exchange wasn’t exactly private, after all.

"But if Mat says you’re gonna be okay, I’ll have to believe him." You walked off to the kitchen. "I’ll get you guys some water."

"Thanks! I’m parched!" Mathias glanced down at his patient, then shot him a wink. "Your girlfriend’s crazy about you, dude."

Alfred turned redder than a tomato. "What the hell, man? Just because she turned you down—"

"I’m serious! She couldn’t stop talking about you."

"Yeah, cuz’ I disappeared!"

"Trust me, friend. She’s more in love with you than you think." Mathias grinned. "You’ll see."

Alfred slept like a log that night. When he woke up, the first thing he did was go to the bathroom. After moving you carefully off his chest, he leaned over and put on his glasses. Was it just the morning rust, or was this thing super blurry? Seeing through the lenses made his vision worse than without them. "Huh." Setting them down on the bedside table, he decided he didn’t need them for now.

What he saw in the bathroom mirror, however, had him wondering if he needed his glasses after all.

His reflection showed him with a long, thick beard along with a head of messy, overgrown hair. A few seconds later, he let out the loudest scream.

Alfred’s eyes flew open, but he never stopped screaming. "Ahh!" When he quietened down, he quickly came to realize he was in the same spot as he was last night. The strange field where he met the strange wolfman. Was that all a dream? But that was beside the point. Something was on his legs. He assumed the worst as he scrambled up his feet, but he overreacted. Instead of an animal that was with him, it was a person. And it wasn’t just any person.

"(F/N)?!"

You rolled onto your back so you could better see him. "Alfred?!" You spluttered. The body you tripped over ended up being your boyfriend!

"Oh my God, Alfred!"

Jumping up so you could throw yourself on him, you wrapped your arms around his neck for a bone-crushing hug. "I was so worried! What the hell were you doing here? Why were you sleeping in a place like this? Was that why you never answered my calls?" While you examined his face frantically, he blinked furiously in shock. Only now did it hit him that everything in the last ten hours was a dream.

Getting carried back by Mathias, getting treated by Mathias, falling asleep, then waking up to a face full of hair. As he lingered on the fleeting memory, he grew distracted enough to lost his footing. Falling onto his ass with a grunt, he never managed to tell you off for it when you hugged him on his lap.

And there on his lap you remained.

He returned the embrace, making sure to pin your head down with his chin while he was at it. "Did you miss me?" He murmured, pressing a stretched out kiss to your cheek. It was a question easily answered by your tight hold on him.

How could he have ever doubted you?

"Your girlfriend’s crazy about you, dude!"

Whatever all that was about, he was slowly forgetting it already. The weird dream was vivid enough to give him the heebie-jeebies, but for some reason, he was glad he had it. But never mind that. What mattered was now, and having you forever. "I’m sorry I ran off."

You squeezed him desperately. It had only been a few hours, but it felt like forever since you’d seen him. "Nothing’s ever normal about you. You can’t even take a walk without getting a search party for you!"

Mathias jogged up to you both. "Looks like the gang’s all here! Good to have you back, dude."

Alfred let out a few breathy chuckles. Nothing was ever normal about you and him, was it? "Hey, let’s be nice. If you mean that as a compliment, I’ll take it," He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. You were back to kissing him, but the affection translated to something tenfold of what he gave you. It didn’t look like you gave a damn about an audience, so he had to stop you before you got too carried away. "Hey, woah—save some for the bedroom—Ow, ow, ow!"

After giving him a hard pinch on the cheek, you stood up to thank Mathias again. Pulling him in for a hug, he spun you around a few circles before setting you down on your feet. "Maybe next time, eskler." He hummed, giving your head a gentle pat. "If something like this happens again and he doesn’t make it, the date’s still on the table!"

Alfred stood up again. "Could you leave my girlfriend alone?!" He picked up a pebble and threw it right into his head. "I’m not going anywhere anytime soon!"

"Ouch!"

You broke out into a laughing fit when you watched Mathias stumble forward a few steps. When you quietened down, it was just you and Alfred standing in the field. "You really aren’t," You murmured, glancing up at the man with a tender gaze. "But I’m not either." He was already staring, and those love-laden eyes were something you could barely stomach. Because whenever he looked at you like this, you couldn’t resist him. "Let’s go back to the lodge."

Alfred took your hand in his. "You read my mind," He grinned. While the two of you walked off, he noticed that his leg wasn’t hurting anymore. Getting clawed there never happened, but that hiking incident did. It was strange how fast he’d recovered.

"Well, I’ll be damned," He whispered under his breath. The cherry on top was the feeling of you grasping at his arm, a sure-fire sign that you were more than content with him. And the thought got him smiling from ear to ear.

"Maybe we aren’t as unlucky as we thought."

Once the field was empty again, something appeared by one of the pines. A wolf with a beautiful coat of grey fur. It was nothing like the mangy creature Alfred encountered, but there was one feature they shared. When it opened its eyes, a pair of brilliant golden irises were revealed.

I hope you guys enjoyed this. Here's a great photo I found of Alfred: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/00/a9/ec/00a9ec9e3d5952038c89b1c9fda38158.jpgwith

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incoherentbabblings · 4 years

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Why TimSteph is nice

Because I honest to goodness think they are. Prompted by @tsukiakari1203 who needed cheering up but also just because it’s that kind of evening you know?

I also have a TimSteph meta tag if you want to go through four years of me moaning about them. I am going to be repeating myself from some of those posts. Sorry. These are just little things which I love to infer more meaning out of then what was (probably) intended.

This is long. As always.

Pre-New 52 there are a lot parallels with each other. Their Batgirl and Red Robin runs copy each other thematically. Their characters over their thirty years of publication flip on the cynicism and idealism scale. Tim is initially good at making and keeping friends. Steph is initially not. Tim comes from a relatively stable home, albeit it with distant at best or neglectful at worst parents. Steph comes from an unstable home, with neglectful at best and abusive at worst parents. Tim pushes his way into the inner circle of the batfam and is successful at doing so on like his second or third try. Stephanie pushes her way into the inner circle of the batfam, but it takes approximately 20 tries plus (nearly) dying to get people to take her heroics seriously. Both form close familial relationships with the originator of the mantle they hold.

Tim starts helping because he believes no-one else can step up to the plate and help Bruce, and he continues to help people because it is simply the right thing to do. After multiple tragedies he loses any desire to exist as his genuine self outside his superhero mask, and the reader is left with the idea that there isn’t really a Tim Drake left at the end of his solo run anymore, only different factors of Red Robin. Stephanie starts helping because she believes no-one else is capable of stepping up to the plate and stopping her father, and over time her spite and anger turns to genuine altruism and compassion, which makes it impossible for her to willingly hang up her costume. After multiple tragedies, the line between her Stephanie self and Batgirl self is practically non-existent. She is never not genuinely herself, and is on the path to get her degree, repair her relationship with her mother, work alongside the new friends she has made and pursue everything that may have been denied to her when she was fourteen years old.

One of Tim’s first major missions as Robin had him face Scarecrow. One of Stephanie’s first missions as Batgirl was to face Scarecrow. As @our-happygirl500-fan once pointed out - Stephanie’s super heroics started with her trying to kill her father. Tim’s super heroics ended with him trying to kill his father’s killer. Stephanie gains Bruce’s unequivocal trust, Tim loses it. The future Tim sees for himself ten years down the line is lonely, dead or in a position he does not want to take (Batman). The future Stephanie sees for herself ten years down the line is being a parent, mentoring younger heroes, living in a nice house, and running around in a beloved mantle (Nightwing).

Both of their biggest fears are simply not being good enough at what they need and want to be.

Onto fluffier things below the cut...

Absolute favourite thing is how they are often drawn holding each other’s cheeks. Hands are a big them for them (for me) so look out for their interactions. Even when they aren’t a couple, their hands are resting on the other or reaching out for the other. It’s not uncommon for Tim to put his right arm around Steph when they are sitting together and press her into his chest.

Tim’s the only person to call Stephanie Stephie aside from her father and Dean, and therefore is the only one to mean it as a genuine endearment. He is also the only person aside from her parents to call her sweetie, though again, unlike her father but like her mother, Tim means it as a genuine endearment.

One of the side purposes of Stephanie’s pregnancy arc was to give Tim and Steph a reason to get to know each other outside of the costume. Early on, even before they got together, Stephanie pushed against there being a distinction between the mask and the person wearing it. She continually both pre and post new 52 decries Tim claiming there is any kind of separation. Stephanie had a crush on Robin, but she fell in love with the boy who kissed her in the cinema, took her to the highest point in Gotham because he thought the views were romantic, and took her to birthing classes with a fake beard on. She loved Tim. There is no distinction. For about a year in universe she was the only person who had a reason to exist in both Tim and Robin’s lives. Giving up one would not necessitate giving up Steph. Though she would insist on dragging Tim back to the surface. Therefore, I think, if the Pre-New 52 universe had been allowed to continue, Steph would have been important in getting Tim back to the surface over Red Robin. Look what she managed to do in their crossover. The mere threat that she doesn’t recognize Tim anymore helps get him back on track. It’s also a thing in Rebirth. Tim is Tim is Robin is Red Robin is Drake is Tim. No difference.

I cannot find exact proof of this right now but there’s a panel where Tim’s on a date with Ari, and he can’t focus on her, as he’s too worried about a case. Tim can’t flipping focus ever with Zo because at that point his mind is just too full of trauma by then.

Steph takes him to the cinema, he relaxes. Steph makes out with him; his mind goes blank. I dunno where I’m going with this. Steph makes Tim feel safe, I guess. He lets his guard down bad with her.

When they’re younger they’re both kind of jealous over the other. Tim (playfully) threatens to shoot a guy who has a crush on Steph, and she does the very logical thing when seeing Tim being kissed and decides to make a Robin costume and force her way into the Batcave. Love was conditional for the both of them growing up, so the concept that they love each other for realsies doesn’t really compute. The other will leave. Eventually. Tim has better prospects and Steph will get bored of Mr Goody-Two-Shoes. Spoiler: They don’t.

Steph trusts Tim with the stories of her assault. She says her favourite things about him are his gentle nature, the fact that he’s not afraid to show her he’s frightened, and his empathy. Tim loves how warm Stephanie is and he loves how consistent her affection for him is. He knows that she only has his best interests at heart, even when she listens to the wrong people for what that is (coughBrucecough). They often can be found bolstering and comforting the other against Bruce’s actions as much as they can be seen supporting him, which makes for some juicy conflict.

In Rebirth Tim only sets the drones to target himself when Steph calls him thinking she’s going to die. In Rebirth the last person Tim chooses to speak to is Steph. In Rebirth the thought of Steph is one of the things that keeps his will to go home alive and his sanity after spending months alone intact. In Rebirth his renewed relationship with Steph was partially unravelling Dr Manhattan’s reboot of the earth (the power of adolescence crushes). In Rebirth Stephanie wins over the bad guys by assuring her boyfriend that a) he is a good person who b) she trusts to do the right thing. She saves the day with the Power of Love. In the bad Batman of Tomorrow future, Tim is looking for Steph, implied that he still has feelings for her even though she says he is essentially dead to her, he goes to see young Stephanie and begs forgiveness from her, then uses her - referring to her as something to possess in one interpretation - to throw young Tim off in a fight. Again, in Young Justice, the thought of Stephanie is one of Tim’s biggest motivators to go home. She is his home. He is her cornerstone.

And that is why I think they are a neat couple.

#dc #timsteph #tim drake #stephanie brown #timsteph meta

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mother-of-marigolds · 6 years

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Get to Know Your Fellow Witches

Questions by @horned-deity tagged by (would rather not be known)

1. Are you a religious witch?

I have a vague belief in God and Jesus, but have a theory that all deities are real. However, i’d like to keep magic and serious religion separate.

2. What is your preferred herb?

Lavender and basil! Im very limited in space and resources right now, and they’re the easiest for me to get, along with rosemary.

3. What is your preferred gem?

Rose Quartz! It was close to my deadname, which was a strong connection people made between us. Even though I no longer go by the name, the connection is still there, and I feel we have a similar energy.

4. Do you do divination? What kind?

I do tarot, although i’m not very good and out of practice. My deck and I work well together when it comes to my personal matters because we’re both very blunt lmao.

5. Favorite tarot card?

Strength or Death. In my tarot deck, the angel tarot, Strength is a beautiful winged, dark-skinned woman gently holding a lion’s mouth shut. I know its supposed to be that shes restraining it, but to me it comes across as her comforting the lion. Death is sitting in a field of pale green grass and bright red flowers. I cant see their appearance well since they are cloaked, but they are smiling and sitting with wings spread in an almost inviting gesture. It makes me feel calm, like i’m sitting there too.

6. To curse or not to curse?

Only as a last resort. I prefer to keep my magic to myself, and not tamper with others lives and emotions negatively- or at all if it can be avoided.

7. Do you have a familiar?

I do, a small black tabby cat named Rabbit. She’s more of a guardian then a magic partner, but im sure she wouldn’t mind aiding me if I needed help. Shes always watching me to make sure I don't hurt myself- magically or otherwise anyway. ^^;

8. Favorite candle color?

No preference so far, but maybe black.

9. Favorite rune?

I don’t know enough about runes yet, but Othala calls out to me for some reason.

10. Do you celebrate full moons, the solstices, etc?

I try to! I haven’t been a witch for the whole wheel yet, but im trying to stay on board with everything. I don't celebrate full moons per se, but I like to go outside and drum. I have a small djimbe that I got as a gift, and it really helps me feel connected to my culture since im surrounded by people who are very diffirent than me.

11. Do you wear a pentacle?

I’m easily spooked and overall very jumpy, so i’m going to start wearing one for the protection so I can calm down a bit. ^^;

12. Have a broom?

Nope, but I like to sweep when I get the opportunity.

13. Have a pendulum?

Nope!

14. Have an athame?

Not at all, but since i’m working more complex spellwork, i’m thinking of getting one. ^^

15. How often do you meditate?

Not often, but when cleansing a room ill attempt it for about five minutes.

16. Do yoga?

No, but I do exercise in the morning.

17. Favorite tea?

Anything sweet.

18. Do you support manipulation magic?

Not really,,,, If its something small like a glamour for your words to be taken more seriously or something that's fine, but I am absolutely against love spells. Only with the consent of everyone involved should they be cast.

19. How many altars?

None! Like I said previously, I like to keep religion and craft separate. I might consider making one for Rabbit (my guardian familiar) when she dies though as a way to honor her.

20. Do you do magic outside often?

Not really. Only when i’m using the sun or moon to cleanse- or collecting rain water. Being outside makes me uncomfortable so I prefer to stay in my room. ^^

21. Read palms or tea leaves?

I might consider palmistry, but its not on my bucket list.

22. Open own metaphysical shop?

Dude that would be great! I’d really like to have a store/bakery full of stuff me and my girlfriend have made, that would be so cool.

23. Is your third eye open?

A bit. We’re getting there.

24. Do you like astrology? Whats your sign?

Scorpio! But the stereotypes only show if I have zero idea who you are or if I don't like you. Otherwise my moon sign, Pisces, shows a lot more. I do like astrology since it helps me work out my relationships and understand others better.

25. Favorite flower or tree?

Blue Roses are my favorite flower, and my favorite tree... hm. Im not sure yet actually. Maybe a Weeping Willow or a Japanese Maple.

26. Do you have an animal guide?

My familiar Rabbit comes across as more of a guide.

27. Favorite type of magic?

Water and fire based. My element is defiantly water, but I feel like I have a healthy respect for fire. I like charming things like a bracelet to protect or a blanket to aid with sleep. I also really enjoy jar spells. ^^

28. Out of the broom closet?

In the process, i’m out to friends and most acquaintances, but in to most adults, including those I live with. ^^;. I feel like they’d punish me as badly as id be punished for being in the more popular closet since theyre very religious.

30. Hereditary or self-discovered?

Self-discovered. Ive always had an affinity for animals, lost objects, nature, empty jars, you name it. I only a few months ago realized that I could peruse it- which was right in the nick of time too, since i’m getting older and loosing my childhood wonder and curiosity to school ^^;

31. Coven or solitary?

Solitary for now, im a little nervous about forming a coven. I like being on my own right now, but maybe in the future. ^^

32. Want to be in a coven? How big?

Maybe in the future I might consider being in a coven of maybe 5-6 other witches. It sounds like fun to be around like-minded people, but right now I’d like to work alone.

33. When did you become a witch?

Around Yule of 2017. Ive grown a lot since then, and am still working and exploring to find my “thing” if I have one. Maybe my thing is not having a thing...

34. Do you make your own spells?

I feel like I don’t know enough to make my own spells yet, so for now i’m following others. I’d like to in the future though!

35. Make your own sigils?

Only one, and its the one I use to refer to myself. I’m not very good at it,,,,,

36. Why are you a witch?

Because its so fun! I’ve always had stray interests that didn't really fit in anywhere but here, so besides art and my extreme compassion, it’s all ive got.

37. Favorite element?

Water or air. I defiantly identify with water, but flight and freedom have always been dear to me.

38. Do any misc. Magic (dragon, sex, etc)?

Dunno. I’m good with plants and animals so I try to hang around there.

39. Magic/anything you wont do?

“Love” magic and summoning. I try to keep my magic personal and keep my communication with spirits to a 0. I’m already afraid of people and straight up paranoid of the supernatural, so except for maybe on Samhain, I keep my wards up and my protection charms on. The only spirit i’ve ever dealt with is the one who hangs around my room and randomly scrolls me ten feet down tumblr. She’s cool.

40. Strangest way a spell is backfired?

Generally, my spells either work or they don’t. There’s not really any backfiring. That idea scares me actually,,,

Tagging: @crispykrimi , who helped me get over my initial panic and start my craft, go check out her blog shes amazing ^^. Also, anyone reading this is free to repost and fill it out themselves. Have a nice day!

#long post jeez #postsforthenotebook #Karasu caws #heres a bunch of personal stuff #whats up guys

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whentvsfly · 7 years

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u should answer all 20 of the mob psycho ask meme things jsust DO it u peice of fuck....

Fuck you, I will.

1: What is a scene that really got to you?In the anime, probably either the flashback to when Mob went ???% when he was young (I love the Angst™), or when Mob nearly goes 100% murderous intent and then instead goes like, 1000% gratitude. In the manga, the entirety of the fuckin Mogami arc (the part with the cat like Holy Shit) nearly made me cry, and I barely cry at things anymore. So like. That.

2: Who’s your favorite character out of the cast?I….love so many……..They’re all so good. All the esper kids are Good, Reigen is a good man, the Body Improvement Club members….Tome and Mezato…..fuck, even Dimple. I can’t choose…

3: Who’s your favorite esper kid?Mob, Ritsu, Teru, and Shou are all my sons thank you very much. I can’t decide between them. Mob is a Good Boy™ who needs a fucking break holy shit. Ritsu is a little shitsu but he cares a lot about his bro and I cry and he’s good too. Teru is also a shitty boy and also he wants to do good and I cry for him (I’m his parent now cause idk wtf his actual parents are, ONE plz explain). And Shou is a good but destructive boy who deserves better.

4: Who’s your favorite ship(s)?I….really like Ritsu and Shou, and was kinda indifferent to anything else, until @pundeserving (and fanfics) ((thanks u fuck)) showed me the beauty of Teruki and Mob. Also???? I kinda like Tome and Mezato?????? They could like find aliens and report it to the news and honestly they’d be a power couple.

5: What battle shook you most?Uhm. The one at the end of the World Domination arc. So many emotions…..

6: What friendship do you find the cutest?Literally any with Mob. He’s such a good boy.

7: What’s the most hilarious moment to you?gotTA PUMP SOME IRONsorry duDE TOUGH BREAKwoAH ITS HEAVY okletsgo(pff other than so many lines from the dub, uh, I’m not too sure. Right now I can only think of how funny the whole situation with that Shirt™ in the Divine Tree arc is, and like the school festival in which for like a panel Ritsu is forced to dress like a maid and Shou is there. NO WAIT. I KNOW. Justifiable Self Defense. We’re not too sure it’s justifiable, but he’s yelling it anyways. also: OOHHH. HE FUCKING APPEARED! There’s probably others. I can’t remember them rn. OH well, guess I better reread the manga…..).

8: Favorite and least favorite arc?hmmmmm….The angst pit inside of me wants to say my fave is the Mogami arc, because of how fucking sad it could be (or the way it can spawn fics about it like nobody’s business) but honestly I don’t really have any favorites or least favorites. They all have their pros and their cons, but they’re all really good.

9: Which antagonist could you never forgive?Mogami. Hands down.

10: Do you have any OC’s?Nope. But there is an oc I saw once on this hellsite which was a cat named Milk that Mob owns and I fully support that hah.

11: Did you watch the anime or read the manga first?Anime. Subbed. Then went for the manga, then to the dub hah.

12: Would you visit Spirits and Such Consultation Office (if you didn’t know any better)?Hm. I dunno. Probably would be too lazy to seek out help if I thought a spirit would be on me or smth, or haunting a place. Maybe if it was Real Bad.

13: Are there any specific MP 100 artists/writers you admire?Uhm. Idk, I tend to not actually look at who is the OP on an art post or who writes a fic. I’ll edit this if I find out some good ones (there’s one artist I’m thinking of on here and they do real good arts, they do comics based on fics (one was on this court thing where Mob was dead by Teruki’s hand b/c the choking thing, the other was on an au fic where Mob was kidnappeped and Reigen ended up rescuing him and they hadn’t met before that idk I have yet to read it myself) and there’s a fic on ao3 that I am always waiting for the next installment, even if it’s been 20 seconds since I read the last chapter. That story’s linked below, and you can see other authors I’ve linked too).

14: Are there any MP 100 fanfics you HAVE to rec?(this answer is So Long I am So Sorry I just have A Lot Of Love)Ohhhh boy. You’ve done it now. You’ve awakened the Beast™. Fanfics are my forte. I’ve gone through all of them on ao3. Don’t fuckin test me on this.Ok so first off, if you want all the stories I’ve gathered off of ao3 (My picking process: Ignoring all stories with incest or an adult x a kid (or ships I don’t particularly care for), is the fic well written with a good plot? then onto the list it goes. Or if its bad enough to be good. That too.) you can just ask me for the fics and I can either share the googledoc with you or send you the links in another way.Some of my favorites from the list, tho, are as follows (in order of which I read them):Color in a Monochrome Worldby Sifl is a really good introspective series on many different characters, set after the World Domination arc. Sifl also wrote a companion piece, Vertigo.Extracurricular Education is a series by entrenched about Shigeo and his growth as he works for Reigen. It’s real cute, they’re good bros, I love it. A few stories takes place after the Mogami arc and reference it.Turning Slowly by sorrow_key is a fic about how Shigeo knows what unrequited love feels like b/c of Tsubomi, so he can see through Teruki really easily. He feels like a liar pretending to not notice. (eventually becomes TeruMob), My notes say if you’re in the divine tree arc, then you’ll get any references made in the fic. Can’t remember what’s said, but it must reference something in that arc for me to have wrote that.One Step Forward, Two Steps Back by fireflysummers_ao3 is a fic in which Teru feels terrible after the Divine Tree arc (this was made before 97.uh. the chapter that came out this last Thursday, the 5th of Jan, so it may not be as accurate as it could be) and Shigeo just wants to be friends and help him out. After Divine Tree arc.Temporary Accommodations by Originia is an interesting fic where, through shenanigans, Shigeo’s body is kidnapped without his like, spirit thingy in it (using the strategy from the Mogami arc) and Reigen tries to rescue Shigeo (which Dimple is possessing in Mob’s absence). I fucking love Ritsu in this story holy shit.The Adventure of the Red Shoes by dyingplatypus. Ho. Ly. Fuck. If you only read one story, read this one. It’s funny, it’s quirky, it’s in character. It’s solving a paranormal case about haunted shoes, and Reigen being cursed. It feels like it could be an actual happening in the anime or something. Seriously. Read this one. It has a little reference to the World Domination arc cause Serizawa is in there but like. You could proooobably read it without reading the manga.He Just Likes Dogs by reiqenarataka nearly made me fucking cry in a dentists office. It’s about Reigen and dogs, what more could you want?Signed, Sealed, Delivered by entrenchedis a series centered around Teruki and his crush on Shigeo, even as Shigeo crushes on Tsubomi. He would rather never tell Mob and continue being friends, over risking their friendship by confessing.do make tomorrow a sunny day by dyingplatypus is a series based off an au I mention in the next question. The AU is one in which Shigeo is taken by Claw at a young age, and thus works for them currently. Ritsu grew up without a brother, only knowing he had a brother at some point who presumably died. Both Shou and Shigeo are a part of Claw and work for it, and things Shigeo took care of during the normal universe didnt happen. (LOL) is a growing and powerful cult, Teru still wants to fight people. There’s many different perspectives in the series and they all add up to a unique experience (I’m still real fuckin amused by what Teru thinks of Shigeo in the first chapter of his POV fic)tomorrow isn’t always another day by suitablyskippy is another good fic on par with The Adventure of the Red Shoes. It’s also quirky, funny, in character, and shows Shigeo and Reigen solving cases. Of a haunted copy machine. Which Mob is preeeetty sure they solved yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that….Three by Ravenesta is an outsider POV story from a teacher’s perspective, on Shigeo Kageyama and his mysterious third emergency contact, Reigen Arataka. It’s pretty cool, and shows some good shit. Return. Continue. by UncannyCookie. A series. Takes place after Mogami arc, Shigeo isn’t doing too well, hands feeling too itchy and wrong after he was driven to choking someone in that unreal world. It’s bad. He’s fine. Teru tries his best to help. The second story, though, Teru is acting weird and Shigeo wants to help him but he swears he’s fine. (also has some of my fave tags: “Teru is not a natural blond, that’s the real drama here”). This is the fic I find myself waiting for updates with bated breath. It’s so good and interesting. Love that shit.

15: Do you have a favorite AU?I don’t know of too many aus, but most are real good. I like the art I see of the ageswap thing, where Mob is the adult and Reigen is the kid, although I don’t tend to read the fics about it. Idk why. But there are other good aus too, like any where Mob ends up being raised by Reigen. There’s an interesting one on ao3 I saw where Mob was taken by claw at a young age and now kinda like…works for them? Idk. It’s good though.

16: What would be your first or basic psychic skill (telekinesis, pyrokinesis, hydrokinesis, ect)?Honestly telekinesis. I’d fuckin own that shit, being too lazy to get up and grab things myself. I’d probably be like, hah, my pop is on the table literally inches from my hand. If only I could just float it over to myself! And then it does and I’d be like Holy Shit. Also, using telekinesis on yourself (if it’s strong enough) allows you to basically fly? I’d train til it’s that level and then I would be the least athletic person in existence.

17: Do you like milk?I really like strawberry milk. I only have normal milk if I dip a cookie in it. Sometimes chocolate is ok too. And I only really have whole milk cause it tastes the best.

18: What headcanons do you have for (character)?I mean u didn’t provide a character uhm. There’s so many. Me and @pundeserving have been talking and whenever I come up with some headcanon I tell her and she may or may not add it to her headcanon list. Usually she does. It’s very good and if you wanna hear some shit about a certian character feel free to ask abt them specifically.

19: Would you hone your basic psychic skill or try to learn different ones?Both? If possible? I’d like to get my telekineses to a point where I can move myself with little to no effort, but having basic version of other powers would also be nice (like psychokinesis to light a candle or warm up some cold soup or smth)

20: Would you try to use your psychic powers for personal gain or only if you had to?I mean, if it’s (like i mentioned above) heating up soup, that’s kinda personal gain hah no but seriously if it’d unfairly advantage me above other people (in a sport or something) or harm someone else, I wouldn’t do it. I’d use it for little things like retrieving something that’s out of reach or smth, or if worse comes to worse, to protect my friends or family, if there are no other viable options.

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queenharumiura · 6 years

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Tagged Meme

RULES: answer the questions you’re given, write 11 of your own and tag 11 people.

Geebs, i’m super late to this because I was just... mia for a while because of reasons. Ahahahah

What is a small moment you’ve always kept with you?

To be honest, any time that I’m told someone enjoys threading with me, or my portrayal, it makes me happy and it stays with me. Literally. I screenshot things like that onto my phone so when I’m sad, I’ll go through my photo gallery to remember that there is at least one person out there that appreciates what I do.

Your favorite quote and what it means to you?

“Everyone is special in their own special way, even the unspecial ones.” I mean, I don’t know if it counts, since this was something that I came up on my own in middle school. I believe that everyone is special. Even if you’re someone who is ‘basic,’ you’re still special. It just takes a patient and understanding eye to look past the ‘basic’ stuff and see a person for who they are. If that doesn’t count… "History is written by the victors," is another quote that I tend to like. It really makes you think about the world. What you think is the truth may not necessarily be true to another person? There are always misunderstandings, or cover up stories, biases, etc. You could always try to look at as many references as you can when you try to form an opinion on something. That's how I feel personally so that quote is something I can relate to in some way.

Who is a fictional character that is most relatable to you and why?

Ah… I never really thought about characters being very relatable to me, but the only character that comes to mind at the moment is Haru. We have a few similarities, which can be found in our odd spoken quirks. She speaks in third person a lot, as do I. She also says things like ‘Hahi!’ a lot and I just make… odd sounds in general, ahaha. We’re both just very protective of people, especially of children. It doesn’t matter if we’re blood related or not, we just adore children and will look after them. I’m the eldest in my family and I’ve been around a lot of children, so I’m very protective of kids. We both have a bit of a temper. We both daydream a lot, it seems. I guess some of the other stuff goes into HC territory.

Who is someone you’d brag about to others?

I’m not really sure what constitutes as ‘bragging’ about someone, but if you’ve talked to me at length ooc, or if we’ve threaded before, there is a good chance I’ve talked about you. Off the top of my head, I can think of 5 people I've talked about fondly to people. I talk about my thread partners a lot. Wanna know if I’ve talked about you? It’s a SE-C-RET~~~~ jk, you are free to ask, I’m open book about it.

Where is your happy place?

In any room with my laptop or my dog.

What is your favorite thing about yourself?

Um...I love the fact that I’m just a bitter person in general? So years of seeing my QUEEN getting bashed, has made me reach the point that Haru hate makes me love her even MORE. I FEED off the hate. So the more hate she gets, the more dedicated to her I get. I guess you could actually chalk that up to loyalty, maybe?

( khr ) Why do you associate yourself to a certain flame?

I think when I’ve taken various quizzes I’d get Rain or Mist. I do like to stay out of arguments of any kind, and I just like to talk to people to help them calm down if they’re upset. I guess I just like the calm? I’m very easily swayed by people’s emotions, so if people are upset around me, I’ll also feel upset. If someone is sad around me, I’ll feel sad in relation. I kinda just like to wash away things, I guess. When in an argument, I kinda just want to lead things to neutral ground again. I don’t like fights. It’s emotionally exhausting to me. As for the mist, I feel like I get the mist at times because I hide a lot? Emotionally, I can get pretty erratic, but I struggle to really express it. I like to hide behind a general emotion of happiness or just neutrality. I hardly will talk to someone about my feelings because I don’t like to do so. It stems from the fact that I was never allowed to have an opinion or emotions, so it became me struggling to express my feelings. So there are a lot of times that I get hurt by things done or said to me, but I won’t say anything. Sometimes I’ll just hide behind indifference or something. One reason I daydream a lot is to just escape from things. I dunno, that’s the best explanation I could come up with.

What’s a trait you’d like to pick up if you could?

Self-confidence, probably?

What is something from childhood that helped shape the person you are?

Ehh… I mean I guess if I don’t go into specifics it should be okay? Maybe? Something that helped shaped me into the person I am today is just being bullied in school in general and having a friend try to kill me in middle school? Funnily enough she was who I thought of as a best friend. Ahaha. Welp.

If you could glimpse years into the future, would you?

No, I wouldn’t. It’s certainly stressful to not know where you may end up in the future, and it’s scary to know that one action could change the course of your life, but it is because of that fact that I have to take my actions more seriously. Nothing is guaranteed, and so I have to try to reach my goals. The mystery is what helps you feel anticipation about what is to come. Mainly, I don’t want to risk looking into the future to see that I’m unhappy. I’d rather live out my life unaware than to possibly live dreading an unhappy future.

How would you describe your fashion style?

I’m not sure if I have one. Is Lazy/comfortable a style? I kinda just wear whatever is comfortable. Though, I can say that I do tend to stick to cool colors. I love wearing gray, silver, greens and blues. I’ll rarely be seen wearing pink/reds/yellows. If you show me clothes that have studs or zippers, I’m there. I also tend to like off-shoulder clothing but I don’t really wear em myself very often.

tagged by: @amaterasuko tagging: I don’t know who to tag who hasn’t already been tagged and I know some people don’t like being tagged but I can’t remember who so i’m just gonna do the ‘tag yo’self’ kinda thing.

NEO’S QUESTIONS: (i)If you had the chance to choose one thing, what would you change about your muse(s) canon-wise if there is anything? (ii)On a scale to 1 being ‘I hate them’ to 10 being ‘I love them,’ how do you think your muse(s) would rate you? (iii)My ever classic question: if you had to live in a fruit, what would you choose? (iv)When you come across a writer’s block/lose motivation to write, how do you resolve this? (v)Altogether, how many pets have you had? Feel free to include names/descriptions if you wanna! (vi)Is there a message that you wish for all your followers to hear from you? (vii)Why did you pick up your muse(s)? (viii)What part of your portrayal do you think is unique to the way you write them? (ix)Is there something you’ve been dying to try out plot-wise with your muse(s) recently? (x)What is something that most people don’t know about you?

#Fatenet ooc #Tagged meme #QueueHM #((This is Neo trying to like--- be active again))

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kirkwallschamp · 6 years

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Psych Eval for Allen Ryder

this entry is directly post Habitat 7, probably about when Ryder gets control of the ship.

trigger warnings for suicidal ideation.

also total warning, i’m showing my privilege in that I've never had a formal psych review; this is just a scene and background info I've been knocking around in my head since Allen came to being. If I offend in my ignorance, let me know and I’ll take it down, no questions asked.

“I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. Your father falsified what now?”

Judging by the look on Doctor T’Perro’s delicate blue face, this was not the particular news she’d wanted this morning....

Or afternoon. Or some other time of day.

In space, it was hard to tell.

Allen sheepishly looked away, carding a hand through his obnoxiously neon orange hair (Another souvenir from Sarah’s wild years he’d managed to mold into his own identity), “Yeah... turns out Dad pulled a few more strings to bring me along than he previously let on.”

“Well, if that isn’t an understatement,” Lexi retorted, only half under her breath, “so while you’re coming clean, is there anything else I should know?”

“Other than the crushing guilt of my mom’s death from working on biotic implants like mine years ago... Suicidal depression, anxiety on overhaul from Dad’s rash decision, and my only living relative left-slash-the only other person who hasn’t called me a selfish prick behind my back, being in a coma? Nah, I think that pretty much covers my mental state at the moment,” he shrugged.

The joking tone of voice was meant to imply that things weren’t that serious; doctors never seemed to buy it, though.

“Allen, if your father neglected a proper psych evaluation for you at the time of entry into the program, it could dramatically affect your treatment,” Lexi warned, her eyebrow quirked at his candid attempt at humor, “you won’t be getting the best care possible.”

“Doctor T’Perro is correct, Pathfinder.”

Allen scrunched his eyes closed in annoyance, “Shut up, SAM,”

“Thank you, SAM,” Lexi cut in, almost sharply, before looking Allen straight in the eyes, “spill. I have time, and I want a full psych evaluation, now.”

“Now?” He scoffed, using the last of the humor he’d had earlier.

He felt the tightness of a panic attack coming on in his chest. He fought it back, wrestling internally for a moment.

Vulnerability wasn’t something he wanted to show; his father taught him that if he wanted to come along, he’d have to hide his symptoms.

unfortunately, he learned quickly how to do so, at least to most untrained eyes.

Lexi was better than that, however.

“Allen,” she gently prompted him, “you are in a safe place. I only want to explore what you’re comfortable with. That being said, I know you don’t want to talk about everything,”

“Or anything, really,” he griped under his breath, "If we're being honest, here..."

“—which means we’re going to have to push a bit beyond your comfort zone.”

She put a hand on his arm, giving it an encouraging squeeze.

“Are you... sure, you want to get into this, doc?” He asked, his mouth irritatingly dry.

Lexi nodded resolutely.

“All right then,” he sighed, blowing his breath out with force.

guess it’s time to get into things

“Where can I begin? I’ve struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide since I was a teenager,” he began, speaking candidly of it, like it was old news, “And— now that he’s gone, I can probably guess that Dad didn’t tell you, he’s the one I got it from.”

Lexi opened her mouth to speak, but snapped it closed when she thought better of it.

So he hadn’t told her about himself, either, then. It made sense.

He continued, “Dad never liked talking about that part of himself; he hid it from mom as best he could, but when he had bad days, you could tell. Hell, when I started showing symptoms, he pulled me aside, got drunk and gave me bad advice about it. I think he realized what he’d done after the first hospital visit, but—“

Lexi did her best to not act visibly surprised at the mention of hospitalization.

Perhaps she’d hoped he hadn’t tried?

sorry to disappoint her, then.

“He didn’t really say anything until the second or third,” he shrugged, “and when he did, it was always a prompt, ‘don’t you want to be a part of something bigger than yourself?’ I think it pissed him off that my answer tended to be a flat no. I couldn’t see myself living long enough to really be a part of anything.

But, lo and behold, I made it through high school, then college, then—“

“Your peace-keeping tour?” Lexi attempted to fill in the blanks with him, hoping it would make it easier for him to continue.

It didn’t.

“Yeah, that...”

She nodded.

“I... I failed the original psych eval for that, too, you know,” he said, quietly.

Lexi didn’t say anything.

“Yep,” he sighed, glancing at the ceiling, “I failed and Sarah passed, and I cried and sulked like a little kid for about a week. Almost relapsed into the old stuff, til Dad dragged me aside and said he pulled some fancy N7 strings— said he got us both on an easy assignment, out of the line of fire with the Geth and whatnot. Might have been easy for some, but the eval was right— I shouldn’t have been there.”

“Is that where...?”

She was referring to his facial scarring. He nodded thoughtfully.

“Yeah. Someone attempted to close the mass relay we were posted at. Dunno if it was Vorcha, Geth, or what, but they bombed us, and Sarah got stuck under some debris after she threw me out of the way of the blast. I got away with this,” he drew over the healed skin with his middle and forefingers, “and she got a nasty burn on her neck, along with some broken ribs and a shattered leg. We both got benched after that. I had yet another mental meltdown, and Sarah was out for physical therapy. She doesn’t blame me, I know, but...”

“But, you blame yourself,” Lexi finished for him.

“Wouldn’t you?”

“I would like to think I’d blame those who bombed you,” she said, quietly.

“Yeah, but Doc... you ever think about how things could be different? In that moment, I thought I was a goner, and that was... peaceful. Blissful nothingness.”

“Allen, that—“

“Isn’t healthy, yeah yeah,” he swatted the air as if her words had an odor. He’d heard them a million times before.

“But the moment Sarah knocked me out of the way, I knew— it should have been me. I was so desperate to not be alone, I put her in danger. She let me tag along, and when she should have only had to watch out for herself, she ended up taking the brunt of what should have just been for me.”

“You both survived,” Lexi said pointedly, anticipating what his answer might be as she asked, “Why should you wallow in this survivor’s guilt?”

“Because-- Not for the first time, I realized that her life... Sarah's, my mom's, hell, even Dad's-- would have been so much easier without me."

#mass effect andromeda #allen ian Ryder #allen ryder #suicidal tw #background information

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