#i doubt anybody would use this but if u so wish to go ahead

[g1rld1ary]

you never disappointed me - part two

part one part two part three part four

➻ synopsis: luke castellan x aphrodite!reader ; percy and beckendorf's plan to set you up with luke is in motion, but you're extremely resistant to any advances (10 things I about you AU)

➻ word count: 3462

➻ warnings: swearing, ooc/kind of loser!luke, ooc silena, she/her pronouns used for reader, sexual innuendos

➻ thank u so much for all the love on part 1 I am such a happy gal!!!!! also, have my first day at uni tomorrow (so pls wish me luck) and sorry if updates slow down!

TAGLIST: @myxticmoon @wicca-void @leeknows-wife @thekittyxo-blog @number-onekidqueen @instabull

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It turned out that getting you to go out with Luke was harder than he’d originally anticipated. Eager for the whole ordeal to be over and for him to be 50 dollars richer, he’d hopped down from his spot on a fallen log and hurried to meet you by the volleyball courts when your match ended. You, unaware of Luke’s agenda, were fanning your face to combat some of the sweat that had accumulated, quickly tightening the messy ponytail you’d tied. Luke watched you in your own world, unbothered by anybody watching you, unlike the rest of your siblings. Sucking in a quick breath for confidence he approached you.

“Hey there, girly,” He smiled, “How’re you doing?” You looked up at him, inquisitive for a moment but ultimately unimpressed.

“Sweating like a pig actually, and yourself?” You were barely looking at him, skulling an impressive amount of your water bottle quickly. He stared at you, not expecting to be dismissed so easily. He recovered smoothly, not prepared to give up so soon.

“You really know how to get a guy’s attention, huh?”

“My mission in life,” You shot him a cloying smile, now giving him your full attention, unable to help being slightly interested by his boldness. “But obviously I’ve struck your fancy, so you see it worked. The world makes sense again.” You‘d figured out his motives now and had no interest, so began the walk back to your cabin. He followed, much to your dismay. Couldn’t men ever take the hint?

“So I’ll pick you up Friday then?”

“Oh right, Friday, uh huh.” You kept your eyes ahead, dodging a few younger kids as Luke trailed after you, annoyingly optimistic still.

“The night I take you places you’ve never been before,” He said, and you looked at him in disbelief. The ego on this kid!

“Right, like the makeout clearing in the forest? Do you even know my name, Castellan?” Luke could tell that you were mocking him, but he still had high hopes.

“I know a lot more than you think.” He smiled then, a lopsided thing that would have been somewhat charming if you’d actually bothered to look. Instead you were already walking away, calling out a “Doubtful. Very doubtful,” over your shoulder as you picked up into a run, presumably to go tell Clarisse about the bizarre experience you just had. Luke watched you go, dumbstruck in the middle of camp.

Percy and Beckendorf watched the exchange from the porch of the Hephaestus cabin, the latter putting his head in his hands dramatically.

“We’re screwed,” He groaned and Percy winced slightly.

“I’m sure it’ll all be fine, dude. Luke has faced a lot worse than a teenage girl.”

When you sat at dinner that night, desperately avoiding the eye contact Luke seemed desperate on initiating, you almost told Silena about your bizarre day. You’d opened your mouth to start the story when you realised that she’d only be encouraged by Luke’s antics, pressuring you into going out with him for her own benefit and quickly shut it. She’d noticed your odd behaviour and searched for meaning in your face. Panicking for something to replace the conversation, you zeroed in on the necklace sitting nicely on top of her camp one.

“Where’d you get the pearls?” You asked, already dreading the answer. Silena only confirmed your fears, claiming them as your grandmother’s with a coy smile.

“So what? You’ve just been hiding them the last three years?” You were always closest with your grandmother, and you were sure she wouldn’t leave her favourite pearls for Silena over you.

“Daddy found them in a drawer just before summer.” Silena shrugged as if you weren’t sitting across from her, cheeks a blotchy red in your upset. “Besides, they look good on me.” Your hands itched to hit her as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ears, knowing exactly how much she was pissing you off.

“Trust me, they don’t,” You spat, quietly glad when Silena stalked off in a huff, amongst the first to leave the meal. You didn’t know how much longer you could argue with her before starting to cry, which you really didn’t want to do in front of the whole camp. You thought you were safe for the rest of the meal when Drew began speaking instead.

“You could try being nice sometimes, you know, people wouldn’t know what to think.” You rolled your eyes aggressively.

“You forget, I don’t care what people think,” You replied, taking in a spoonful of food.

“Yes you do. Everyone does. You know, with a new look you could have some serious potential.” You ignored her last statement.

“No, I don’t,” You emphasised, “You don’t always have to be who they want you to be.” You knew that wouldn’t impact Drew in the slightest, but you hoped it might resonate with some of your younger siblings — encourage them to nurture their internal beauty rather than accept the vain stereotype Aphrodite children were forced into. You pushed yourself out of the bench you were sitting on, needing a break from your insufferable siblings. As you dumped your dishes where they needed to be you saw Luke beginning to follow you and turned to make dead eye contact. Knowing you’d only scream at him (or worse) you gave him a dangerous look, accompanied with an almost imperceptible shake of your head. Not enough for anyone else to know you’d even acknowledged him, but enough to tell Luke to back off. He was smarter than you thought, as he held up his hands in a show of surrender, redirecting his action to innocently collect up his own dishes.

You may not have had any interest in knowing the boy, but you did appreciate that he knew when to back off. Or so you thought.

You were proven not-so-free from Luke Castellan the very next morning. It was the Aphrodite cabin’s day to check all the storerooms, and you’d volunteered to do the one which held all the weapons and armour near the sword fighting arena. You knew none of your siblings would come near if they could help it, mostly against weapons and the violence that surrounded the area, so you’d get a whole morning alone. It was peaceful attending to the chore, and you were allowed to use some of your Aphrodite eye for beauty. Of course, stacks of swords and assorted weapons could only be made so pretty, but you enjoyed organising them into neat rows, making it look as nice as possible — not that you would admit that to Silena or you’d be in her vanity chair receiving an unwelcome makeover in seconds.

You were just admiring your own sword, which you’d taken the time to polish while you were taking care of the others, when you felt a presence behind you. You didn’t react, assuming it was just some camper coming for a weapon, until he spoke.

“Nice sword, vintage hilt?” You tensed as Luke’s voice infiltrated your peace.

“Are you following me?” You disregarded his statement, an unimpressed frown present on your lips.

“I was training in the arena and needed to polish my sword. I saw you come in a while ago and not leave, I came to say hi,” He explained, and you raised an eyebrow. You weren’t friends, why would he come for a chat?

“Hi.” You promptly turned back to your task, shoving the cloth into the intricate designs of the hilt.

“Not a big talker, huh?” He persisted.

“Depends on the topic. My sword doesn’t exactly whip me into a verbal frenzy.” That wasn’t strictly true — the sword was a gift from your mother, with gold twisting around a blood red ruby in the centre of the hilt. After you’d made it clear that you weren’t going to just sit around during your time at camp she gifted you the sword, her way of saying that if you were going to fight, you should at least look good doing it. You’d had several conversations with Clarisse gushing over the intricacy of it, and profusely thanked Aphrodite for the gift in your offerings. You didn’t quite care to share this with Luke, being a relative stranger.

“You’re not afraid of me, are you?” He asked, and you were somewhat taken aback by the earnest tone of his voice.

“Afraid of you? Why would I be afraid of you?” You couldn’t help the incredulous laugh that crept into your sentence.

“Most people are.” He gestured subtly towards his scar — gnarled and twisted against his otherwise tanned skin. You put a hand on your hip, resigned to conversation now.

“Well, I’m not.”

“Ok, maybe you’re not afraid of me, but I’m sure you’ve thought about me naked.” You were pretty sure Luke was going for smooth or charming, but you thought in this moment he was entirely lame. The wink didn’t help his case.

“Am I that transparent? I want you, I need you. Oh baby, oh baby.” You put on your best Drew impression, nasally and whiny, before handing him the cloth he needed to polish his own sword and turning to leave. There, quickly approaching the door, was Ethan. Seeing you he put on a disgusting smirk and blocked the doorway, effectively caging you into the storeroom.

“Gods, what is it, asshole day?” You asked, not caring that both boys could very clearly hear you. “Do you mind?” You gestured to his blocking the exit. He simply looked down at you, clearly doing his best to appear sexy (and failing miserably).

“Not at all.” His stupid smirk was going to kill you, and not in the good way. You scoffed, giving him a last chance to get the fuck out of your way. Then, sparing a fraction of a glance back to Luke pretending to mind his own business, you slammed the hilt of your sword into his foot, wishing it was the blade instead. You watched him crumble to the ground, holding his foot with both hands.

“You bitch!” He yelled, voice cracking pathetically in the middle. You forced your smile to stay contained.

“Oops,” You feigned innocence, one hands covering your mouth strategically. “You might need some ambrosia for that…” With that you side-stepped him, eager to leave the situation. If you’d have looked back, you would have seen the gleeful, disbelieving smile on Luke’s face, probably the biggest one he’d worn in a while. Although he didn’t get the date he’d entered for, he was beginning to think you were a little more interesting than you let on.

“Did you just cripple Ethan?” Silena shrieked as you entered your cabin to grab your things. “He’s a model, you can’t do that! Has it escaped your notice that you’re completely psychotic?” You pretended to think for a moment, then shrugged nonchalantly.

“Guess your long walks on the beach are gonna have to wait,” You sighed dramatically, leaving Silena to wallow in her pity alone. It wasn’t like it was really your fault — if Ethan had learned how to respond to words or learn the meaning of ‘move’ he wouldn’t have gotten himself into that situation in the first place.

Meanwhile, Ethan and Luke were having a similarly emotional conversation after Luke had — very reluctantly — helped Ethan over to the infirmary to get his foot checked out.

“When I shell out fifty, I expect results.” Luke sighed, could this boy get any whinier?

“Yeah, I’m on it,” He said through gritted teeth, resisting the urge to hurt him.

“Watching that bitch obliterate my foot doesn’t count as a date. If you don’t get any, I don’t get any, so let’s get some,” Ethan said, running a hand through his ridiculously styled hair. Luke couldn’t believe his nerve. First of all, obliterated? He would be left with a bruise for a few days, if anything. Secondly, this whole things was Ethan’s idea, Luke had never given any indication wanting to ‘get some’, especially not with someone so clearly resisting his advances. Just as Ethan left, giving the Apollo girl treating him a douchebag smile, Luke hardened his resolve.

“I just upped my price,” He said, loving the way Ethan’s eyes widened like a cartoon character. “A hundred bucks a date, in advance.”

“Forget it,” Ethan grumbled, moving to leave again.

“Forget her sister then.” The two boys stared at each other, one significantly more amused than the other. Luke knew he had the upper hand in the dynamic, something he revelled in. Then, after the intimidation tactic clearly wasn’t having any effect, Ethan reached for his wallet, Luke admiring the crisp fifty he was handed.

“You better hope you’re as smooth as you think you are, Castellan.” Luke just watched him go, confident tilt of his head conveying his outlook on the situation.

Luke had taken his usual spot overseeing combat training, but his usual thoughts were long gone. Instead, he was entirely preoccupied with you. He didn’t know how to get you to go out with him when you could barely entertain a conversation, and he twirled his cigarette between his fingers as he pondered.

Percy and Beckendorf saw his internal conflicts, slowly moving closer to him under the guise of a very chaotic fight between the two. Finally Luke gave them attention, knowing Percy’s skills would never have him running all over the place like that. He raised an eyebrow, a sign for them to get on with whatever they were angling at.

“We know what you’re trying to do, for Beauregard,” Percy said, and Luke appeared almost startled.

“And we want to help,” Added Beckendorf helpfully, shying away when Luke’s eyes bore into his.

“And why would you do that?”

“Beckendorf here has a major crush on Silena—”

“Gods, what is it with this girl? Does she sweat nectar?” Beckendorf opened his mouth to protest when Percy spoke over him, knowing it would be more beneficial to let Luke lead.

“Look, I think we can both tell that Charlie’s love is pure, well-intentioned, better than, say, Ethan White?” Luke sighed, catching on.

“I’m in this for the cash, that’s it. Who Ethan wants to bang is of no interest to me.”

“There will be no banging!” Beckendorf cried as Percy pushed him behind. He was no use in a delicate situation like this.

“Ok, Luke, it’s just that we’re the masterminds behind this whole thing. We set it up so Beckendorf can get the girl — Ethan’s just a pawn.” Luke paid closer attention suddenly, intrigued by the chess match he’d been pulled into.

“So you two are gonna help me win her over?”

“We’ll do research, find out what she likes. We can be your guys on the inside.”

“In a strictly non-mission type of way,” Beckendorf added helpfully, nervous of the legends he’d heard about Luke’s failed quest. Luke chose to simply ignore that comment, and Percy filled the silence before he could get angry about it.

“Let’s just start here: the Apollo cabin is throwing a party on Friday night, it’s the perfect opportunity.”

“I’ll think about it,” Was all Luke said, a clear signal the conversation was over. Percy and Beckendorf returned to fighting, slightly more regulated now they had gotten what they’d wanted, and Luke brought the cigarette back up to his lips, new thoughts clouding his mind.

Meanwhile, Ethan had found Silena where she was known to hang out by the rocks near the lake. He was hovering next to her, providing snatches of shade as he performed pose after pose, claiming he had a modelling job lined up when he left for the year.

“So which do you like better?” He asked, moving his hands fractionally to the left of his chin.

“The second,” Silena giggled, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “It’s more… pensive.”

“Damn,” Ethan kicked the sand softly. “I was going for thoughtful. So, you going to the Apollo party on Friday?”

“Maybe.” She produced her best coy smile, looking up at him from behind her lashes.

“Good, ‘cause you know I’ll only bother if you’re there.” Silena smiled, getting up from her spot on the rock.

“Bye.” Her voice was airy in the way she knew drove boys mad. She walked away leaving Ethan wanting more, her specialty. You scoffed, catching the end of the exchange. You and Silena made momentary eye contact, tension thick between the two of you.

As Beckendorf approached Silena, fishing for more information about you, Ethan had caught you in his sights and wasn’t going to let you go so easily.

“You sister is so cute,” His voice infiltrated your bubble in a way that made you want to hit him so desperately. “Doesn’t have your bite though, a feisty woman is so sexy.” You knew he was just trying to get a rise out of you, but it was so close to working.

“Come any closer and I’ll show you just how feisty I can get,” You snapped, braid almost whacking him in the face as you turned to face him. You could have sworn Ethan looked afraid for a second before he covered it with bravado.

“One day you’re gonna realise that all of this hostility is just your sexual repression. Don’t worry, babe, I’ll be waiting with open arms… And legs.” You almost threw up.

“Gods, can’t you just leave me alone, asshole?” You yelled, trying to push past him to get anywhere else.

“C’mon, don’t be a prude,” He whined, and you were really close to taking him to the ground — not in the way he wanted.

“You heard the girl,” A voice called from behind you, and instantly Ethan took a step back. “She wants you to leave her alone.” Luke appeared behind you, a respectful distance away whilst still making his intentions clear. Ethan shrunk back into himself, making a lame excuse as to why he had to leave, hurriedly fleeing the beach. Reluctantly, you turned to face Luke.

“I’m not going out with you just for that,” You said plainly, daring him to try again.

“You think that low of me?” He laughed, dark eyes sparkling with mirth. You forced yourself not to notice. “I don’t have to want something from you to know that Ethan White isn’t worth your time.” It was your turn to be embarrassed at that, feeling slightly narcissistic for assuming that was the purpose of the conversation (it was, but Luke sure as hell wasn’t going to ruin his chances because you were in a mood, justified or otherwise).

“Oh.” You stared at his shoes. “Well, thanks, I guess.” You moved to leave but Luke stopped you, hand not quite touching your arm, unwilling to have it bitten off.

“So you do have a heart!” He joked, signature grin on his face. You wondered why you were seeing so much of it lately when he’d been so dour since his quest.

“Ha! You wish.”

“Don’t try to hide it, Beauregard, you’re warming up to me.”

“I’d sooner fuck Mister D,” You replied, actually taking your leave.

Luke watched you go, chewing his lip between his teeth. There was more to you than you let on, he was sure of it. He wouldn’t say it was any fondness, but he was starting to have a curiosity attaching itself to this scheme, and he knew that going out with you would satisfy it. He should have known having any personal stakes involved — sentimental or otherwise — would get dangerous.

Your own thoughts had barely budged on Luke. He was still a pain in your side and you figured you knew what kind of guy he was — not the type you had any interest in. Still, you couldn’t deny that you were appreciative he’d saved you from Ethan (and the inevitable washing up duty you’d be punished with when you beat him up), so maybe he wasn’t quite as despicable as you’d initially judged him to be. Close, though.

part three

#giasfics˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ #love #luke castellan #pjo series #pjo #pjo tv show #pjo fandom #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson show #percy jackson #percy series #percy pjo #luke castellan imagine #luke castellan pjo #luke castellan imagines #luke castellan fanfiction #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x you #percy jackson tv show

[vampire-cookie]

bonkbonkbonkbonkbo

#cookie run #aloe cookie #cyborg cookie #my art #digital art #procreate pocket #queueden #my gifs #gif #ask to tag #this doesnt have any context BKDVKD #i doubt anybody would use this but if u so wish to go ahead #cyborg: bad plants get bonked

[lollytea]

Fearless (part 1/3)

(Ty/Louie fairytale au fic. i am simply a bitch writing about my au and my oc so it is all very catered to me personally and im aware not a lot of ppl will read it. but if you DO read it, i love u so much. i guess tw for blood/serious injuries relating to teen characters. nothing too graphic but be warned. Also if you’re curious, info on the au here, here and here.)

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[OCTOBER 22ND, 6:19PM] The sky was bleeding pink and orange and Louie tried to focus on it. Didn't take much brainpower to appreciate a sunset. He clung to the sight with desperation, muttering the simplest thoughts under his breath like a mantra.

It was pretty. He liked sunsets. He liked pink. He liked orange. The distraction wasn't working. The unpleasantness that was already writhing in his stomach churned. His finger was on his temple, idly tracing delicate circles against the tightly wrapped bandage. His head hurt. The point where his shoulder met his upper arm was also dressed. The stitching still had to heal up. That hurt too. Louie was pretty stupid. Which was not something he usually thought. But it was a real kick in the confidence when someone sharp-witted did something stupid. And it was a real kick in the heart when someone who didn't wanna hurt anybody ended up hurting somebody. This was stupid. He had already tried reading as a means of distraction. Too hard. Too many words. Way too much of a strain on his mild concussion. This was so, so stupid. Sitting by his windowsill, he hoped this dumb bandage would be gone soon. His forehead felt sticky and damp with sweat. He was stupid. He wished Webby were here. If she were, she'd be in the courtyard below his window sparring with Dewey. At least then, Louie could watch and keep his mind occupied. No. No, that wasn't right. If Webby were here, she would've attached herself to Louie by now, hugging him tight until his injury healed. If it had been any other incident, Louie would let her, crumbling into her arms and whimpering about the pain as his amazing, magical sister made it all ebb away. But this wasn't any other incident. If Webby were here, he wouldn't be able to accept her hugs. The very idea rubbed him the wrong way. If anyone was entitled to healing hugs, it wasn't Louie, it was--.... His face twisted up. Webby wasn't here. She was off on some quest with Lena. Probably wouldn't be back for days. So there was no point in dwelling over hypotheticals. Louie would heal on his own. They were both gonna have to heal on their own. The sunset was fading.

It was pretty. Pink... Orange.... He couldn't do this. 

Why was he doing this?! Louie always knew himself to be a coward but this was to a pathetic extent. Depraved even. He felt sick. 

He couldn't. He just couldn't. Every additional second he spent hiding in his room was weighing him down. It was suffocating. But he couldn't leave. He was too scared.

Freezing up just like always. Just stop being so fucking scared! He would have to confront what he did eventually. There was no way around it. So, why couldn't he just go now? Louie had far worse things in his life to be dreading. Far worse. A ticking clock of trepidation was seated deep inside him. A predestined future he couldn't rewrite which, on all accounts, should render him paralyzed. But he wasn't. This was the sort of thing to demolish him. Apparently. Stupid. This shouldn't be overdriving his other senses. This shouldn't be flooding his mind. He shouldn't be drowning right now. This shouldn't have his hands shaking. This shouldn't have him pacing the length of his room. This shouldn't be stealing the oxygen from his lungs. His brain was pounding against his skull, protesting his rapid back-and-forth movement. He was dizzy. He shouldn't be crying. Fuck it! He was always crying, who cares about that?! Just stop panicking, just stop crying, just stop being so selfish for once and just own up. Louie's back crashed against his door, gasping for breath. Stars were blotting his vision and he couldn't breathe and it was the end of the world. Okay. Okay. He was spiraling again. That was all it was, it would be okay. It would be okay. The prince's bed chambers, alive with the choking sound of contained distress, subsided to complete silence for just a moment. Inhale. Exhale. And then all to be heard was a small, crackling voice straining to sing himself a quiet little lullaby. ___________ [OCTOBER 22ND, 10:07AM] "Your highness, don't be an idiot. You can't just---Hey! Wait up!" "H'oh boy..." Louie's eyes flicked to the high heavens. Right now he felt like he was tasked with personally escorting this goddamn boy across this goddamn forest by the goddamn ankles. He whirled around impatiently, crossing his arms with a flourish. "Pick up the pace, Tiberius. We don't have all day." "Can you maybe not be a huge pain for like... I dunno, five minutes?" Snapped Ty, his dearly devoted retainer and most notorious pain-in-the-tail. "Can you maybe loosen up? Y'know it's a real mood killer when there's a paranoid guy on my case all the time, insisting that the whole world is out to get me. Being constantly reminded of my fragile mortality? Woo, talk about fun times." Scowling, Ty stumbled his way over a protruding tree root. "You've got a bad habit of attracting danger, you know that, right? I'm pretty sure it's a Duck thing." The remark slapped the annoyed expression right off Louie's face. Ty quirked an eyebrow. "What's that look for?" Before he could further analyse, Louie sharply turned on his heel and strode on. "It's a Duck thing." He said, keeping his tone even. Both of them knew it was a Duck thing. Ty just didn't know the half of it. "Your highness," He heard Ty gripe. "You know this is a bad idea. A prince shouldn't be out in the open like this without proper protection. And I'm unprepared right now. I can't--" If Ty weren't yakking so much, Louie wouldn't know if he was still there. He wasn't wearing his armor for once so the familiar clank and clatter of metal was nonexistent. "You got your sword, right? You can do a lot of damage with that thing." "Yeah but no juice. And I need juice. See, 'cause what if we get in a tight spot and you--?" "What do you think is gonna happen, Ty?! For the love of all that is gold, It's just a party." "It's never just anything." He grumbled. Ty jogged ahead a little, matching his pace to Louie's. His footsteps alongside him were purposefully heavy So, he was stomping now. Real mature. Louie rolled his eyes. He was fully aware Ty was pissed, he didn't have to go above and beyond to make his anger known. "You really think I'm an idiot who doesn't take safety precautions? I'll have you know keeping Prince Louie alive isn't just your problem. Prince Louie is pretty serious about that too." He gestured to himself. "If you haven't noticed, I'm incognito today. I've got no crown, no mantle, no status whatsoever. And look at these ugly peasant threads," Louie pointed out, tugging at the hem of his dull green tunic. "It's actually kinda depressing how drab I look. I'm never gonna do this again actually. But! See how committed I am right now? Who's gonna recognize me? As we're all aware, I'm pretty well known for my pizzazz." "Just 'cause you stop being a prince doesn't mean danger stops existing." "No but it makes you way less of a target. Now, are you really gonna spend your whole day off bitching at me?" 

The glare Ty shot him was petulant at best. "Well, I didn't wanna. But I got dragged along on this little adventure so guess I gotta." Louie pursed his beak, irritated. He did not drag Ty along anywhere. 

"Come to think of it, I don't remember saying you had to follow me." Well, that came out as harsher than intended. Ty didn't seem hurt. At least, there was no sign that he was. No expression cracked his stone mask. "I've got a duty." Louie scoffed. Ty and his stupid duty. It was really starting to wear on his nerves. But not today, absolutely not today. On this fine, glorious day, Louie was intent on having fun. He would show up at this little forest shindig and he would drink and dance and schmooze and whatever else any carefree person at a party would do. He would forget about everything that was eating at him. He wasn't gonna let it consume him, he wasn't. He was gonna live. While he still could. His sixteenth birthday loomed closer. Six months left. "Sorry." Said Ty, unprompted. The shadows festering in Louie's head cleared out as he snapped back to the present. Ty had his eyes firmly downcast, a noticeable slump to his posture. "It's not like I wanna be running around killing the fun all the time. I really don't. But I gotta." Louie said nothing. His eyebrows rose in quiet astonishment as he studied Ty's side profile. He remembered when Ty first came into his life. Twelve years old, brandishing a sword too big for his body and grinning lopsidedly in an unmistakably trouble seeking sorta way. A real firecracker of a boy, loud and bright. Hungry for adventure and excited to throw himself head first into the action. He remembered one of Ty's earliest and most confident statements. When he lowered himself to bow to Louie in his uncle's throne room and declared that the prince would never fear for his life again. Because Ty would protect him and Ty was fearless. Louie believed him. Make no mistake, Ty had plenty of bite back then too. He had disliked Louie and the feeling had been mutual. But he never doubted that Ty had spoken the truth with his entire heart. Ty was fearless. When Louie was with Ty, he was safe. He believed that and he always had. Despite how they clicked as well as a dagger and a keyhole. Despite Ty being annoying. So annoying. He was still annoying. But it was different now. Louie couldn't pinpoint when that permanent glowing smile of his had dwindled and a thin frown had become Ty's default expression. His sword, something he always used to proudly haul around over his shoulder, now unceremoniously sheathed against his belt. Although Louie had noticed that his right hand never strayed too far from the hilt.   Protecting royalty with your entire being was an all-consuming duty and it seemed, at some point, the reality of such an allegiance had slapped Ty across the face. He had this distinct way of holding himself now. Always stood straight and rigid, coiled up with agitation. He was prepared to fight at a moment's notice but it was clear the thrill of doing so had been long since drained out of him. He still smiled. He still laughed. But only sometimes. Ty was annoying because he was paranoid. Because he was snarky. Because he was too stiff, too protective. And man, what Louie wouldn't give to have Ty's former brand of annoying back. At least never made him feel sorry for the guy. "Can I ask you a favor?" Louie finally spoke, pushing back a drooping tree branch so they could walk below it "You can try." Ty shrugged, his gaze still fixed ahead. "What if we just turn off this whole 'Prince and Retainer' thing today. Whadd'ya think?" He turned to him blankly, complete with a slight tilt of the head that made Louie a tiny bit weak. "Wha....?" Ty was simply not computing. He looked as though Louie was throwing out algebra equations and he was supposed to solve them right on the spot. And he was not a math guy by any means. The cute clueless expression was making it a little hard to focus. Louie swallowed. "Listen." He began, his thumb dragging itself across his sweaty palm as he struggled with how to phrase this. Louie had a way with words, always had. But he had a tendency to trip over his own tongue when Ty was involved. Especially when Ty was staring at him with his soft cande-light eyes and doing that stupid adorable head tilting thing and-- "You need a break." Louie blurted out. "You're stressed like constantly and it's getting kinda insufferable and I think your Dad would sick a dragon on me if his barely fifteen year old son suddenly kicked it 'cause of a paranoia overload so I think you should just forget about being my big strong hero for today and come hang out with me at this stupid peasant party and we can just be two regular kids instead of a royal and his bodyguard do you think you could give me that Tiberius?" It was only in the following beat of silence that Louie realized how fast he spat that all out. He struggled to catch his breath. One second. Ty blinked. Two seconds. A flicker of vacant eyes and then a rush of realization. And then disbelief. And then-- Three seconds. His brow scrunched together and a snarl crinkled his muzzle. His eyes flared. Oh, he was mad.... "Are you crazy?!" Ty shouted. He was beside himself with a malfunctioning mix of fury and incredulity that had him stammering his words. "You-You can't just--.....D-do you even-- you don't...do you realize how disrespectful that is? For you to say it? For-For me to do it?! I was given this duty by the King! The fucking King! To just suddenly "turn it off" would be--....I can't--!" Maybe "mad" was an understatement. "Ty--" Louie tried. He was cutting across Louie, treading back and forth on their forest path,. Not going further, not going back. Just walking to nowhere for the sake of being too scandalized to possibly stand still. Louie was attempting to get Ty's attention by grabbing his tunic but he kept shaking him off. "I'd be a disgrace! An embarrassment! I'm trusted by the royal family to keep--...to keep you safe! I-I can't just walk around with my liege like I'm on vacation and not be on guard! You don't even get it, you--" "Ty!" Louie said loudly."You wanna maybe listen for a sec?!" Frankly, he was surprised Ty halted his tirade. His eyes were blown wide, stunned and Louie wasn't quite sure why until he followed Ty's look, snapping down. Seems in his effort to get a hold of the guy, he had instinctively reached out and snatched Ty's wrist. They stood frozen for a moment, each set of eyes boring into the touch that tied them together. Louie's fingers began to uncurl. Then he decided no. His grip on Ty tightened with a purposeful squeeze. Ty met his gaze, looking....panicked? Confused? Didn't matter. He could besottedly dissect his unreadable facial expressions later. Louie inhaled, deciding to shoulder his dignity for just a second. No safety rails of snark this time. Ty might make fun of him for being sincere later but this was important. "Don't you miss being a kid with nothing to worry about?" Louie implored. "Because if we're being real, I don't think we're ever gonna get to live like that again." Ty muttered something to himself, shaking his head a little. "But listen," Louie continued, taking a step into Ty's personal bubble. Ty took an automatic step back. But since he was still holding his hand, Louie was led a step forward. It was difficult to tell with the pink fur but he could've sworn Ty reddened. "Look I know it's weird for me to be asking but....can't we just take a risk today? It's just a party in the woods. Literally the least likely place to find any danger in the whole kingdom." "We shouldn't--" "Ty, please." Honestly, Louie was a little surprised at himself. He hadn't even planned for Ty to accompany him anyway. But in the heat of the moment, everything had shifted upside-down. Turns out there was something inside him willing to beg. Something that wanted more than anything, for Ty come along. He just wanted a simple memory of just killing time with Ty. Separated from the castle and everything that reminded him of his fate. He would like to smile without a hint of dread for once this year. So, he said just that. "I'm not just trying to make you come along 'cause I'm stuck with you. That's not it." He swallowed. "You're--....you're cool. You're fun. I wanna have you around. You know, when you're not so worked up and you're just being yourself, I like hanging out with you." He tugged Ty's hand a little. Further from his sword and closer to Louie. "I want you to come with me. And I want you to try having fun too." He may as well just tell the idiot he thought about him every time he saw a sunset. The hand he was grasping flexed its fingers. Ty abruptly broke eye contact and glanced to the side, his tongue poking out to pierce the tip of his jagged tooth. His indecisive face. "I just--.....I dunno...." He muttered. "If something happened to you--" "Nothing's gonna happen to me." Said Louie immediately. "I've got a good feeling about this. And c'mon Ty, that coming from a coward?" "You're not a coward." He said, barely a whisper. He was now staring at the ground. "I promise." "Huh?" Louie smiled tightly as Ty looked to him questionably. "I promise nothing is gonna happen. I'm gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. Now, can you do me this favor and maybe, I dunno, trust me?" The look Ty gave him was a little sad, but it was soft. And then with only a tiny twitch, it shifted into something else entirely. It was trust. Blind trust. Maybe stupid trust. A minuscule pang of guilt jabbed at Louie. Of course he wanted Ty to trust him. He needed him to if there was any hope of achieving his goal here. But objectively, he really shouldn't. Louie was hiding way too much from him. It wasn't fair. Then Ty broke the world, shattered orbit and played around with reality itself by cracking a smile and Louie forgot every coherent thought he ever possessed. He would never put on record just how long he spent pre-preparing jokes, gunning to get the corner of Ty's lips to flick upwards. Made him seem kinda desperate. Which he was not. Ty had that oh, so stereotypical "cute boy" smile. It was crooked, cocky, it was utterly obnoxious. Louie hated it. And worst of all, it was like a little spell to kick Louie's heart into high speed. Sometimes it dazed and confused him like a blinding light flash. But other times, it was warm and if he stared long enough, he'd fall asleep. Louie loved Ty's smile. Every time he tried to convince himself he didn't, he ended up dwelling on it too much and the way his mouth would quirk up would play in his mind on a maddening loop and then it would be too much to handle and the truth that he loved it would always overpower him. So, whenever that happened (like right this second.) he gave up and admitted it. To himself, anyway. He loved Ty's smile. He loved Ty. ......Wait. That last part was new, hold up. Rewind. But he didn't get the chance because Ty was talking now. Still a little dazzled, Louie didn't catch what he said but he figured it was good since he was still smiling. And then that smile broke into a huge grin, his eyes flashed with trouble and his hands were on Louie's shoulders and-- "Race ya!" Ty cried. With a light push, Louie was stumbling backwards and Ty kicked off into a sprint. For a brief moment, Louie could only gaze after him, stupefied. Love, huh? Like the real deal? That was crazy. But then he snapped out of as he recalled the audacity of this bastard. "You just pushed your liege!" He shrieked, receiving a loud "WOO!" from Ty as a response. And then Louie was grinning. He was giddy. He didn't quite know if he forgot about love in that instance or if it was the force powering him but he was tearing off after Ty, yelling about the latter's totally unfair head start. In hindsight, he should've figured it was love a long time ago. Who else would get him to run for no reason?

#ty cloudkicker #fairytale au

[luescris]

Warning: Long Post. Spoilers ahead.

So uh. Finished Wizards. And since I can't seem to figure out how to make posts properly on a laptop, I can't put a "read more" tag so this will not be spoiler free. You have been warned.

Now. With that out of the way...

what

The

F u d g e r k n i c k l e

Number one:

JIM IS BACK!!!!!!!!!! JIM IS BACK JIM IS BACK JIM MY SON THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE HE'S BACK!!!!!!😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Now don't get me wrong I love Troll!Jim!!! He was so soft and his hair looked so fluffy and everything and augh.

BUT TO HAVE JIM BACK TO NORMAL IS A GOD SEND!!!!!

BARBRA IS GONNA BE SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM!! EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM BACK AND ALIVE AND SAFE AND HE CAN STEP OUT OF THE SHADOWS AND FEEL THE SUN AGAIN AND AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Though I can guarantee that Jim now needs a whole bunch of therapy and probably feels absolutely awful for what he did while being turned into............ That. But I have no doubts that with a few weeks and lots of support and love, he'll be okay. :')

Number 1.5:

Does anybody else understand how hard I was crying when Jim turned to stone and how Claire was crying her eyes out. My heart felt like it was ripped out if my chest I'm so angry that they pulled that on us not literally but still

Number Two:

Jim??? Having??????? Excalibur????????????

IF THAT IS NOT THE ABSOLUTE COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!!!!! I mean sure he wasn't able to take the sword out of the stone in that moment but I am MORE than certain that he will have that sword, and it will be awesome sauce.

Also little side note the fact that Jim now has that little space of skin on his eyebrow is absolutely amazing and I love that detail so much

Some of you may think I only watched Wizards for Jim at this point and you would only be half correct gwjausggshs I love my son Jim okay

Number Three:

So. What happens to the Trollhunters now. Was Jim the last one??? Cuz the Amulet was destroyed and I'm not sure if anyone's going to attempt to make another one. Douxie--love him by the way--is probably too busy keeping Numie (is that her name-) safe to even try to make one so...... Is that it for the Trollhunters then?? If so then that is just... Sad. Wonder what the rest of the Trolls will think when he tells them what happened. Rip the Amulet, it was cool while it lasted. 😔

Number Four:

Speaking of Rip, Merlin and Morgana. I don't think I'll forgive them for what they've done, but they were still true to the end. Merlin meant a lot to Douxie, and though I only knew him for a short amount of time I felt so sad for him. Losing the only person he knew as a father... Was so obviously hard for him. I was seriously hoping he didn't walk through those doors and thank g o s h he didn't like aaaaaa ;;;3;;;

Final Thoughts (I think-):

This series was... Very dark, very short and quick to the point. Unlike the other two that came before it. But you know what?? That's perfectly fine with me. They only had ten episodes to cram everything in, and though I'm still unsure about some things, I still loved every bit of it. The possibilities for the movie that's coming out (WHICH I'M SUPER STOKED ABOUT, BY THE W A Y) is endless, and I'm sure it'll close everything off smooth and well. I wish that it would be going into theaters instead of just Netflix, so that everyone can see the art that is Del Torro's Tales of Arcadia. I also wish that I didn't have to wait so long to watch that movie I'm so impatient hhhhhh

Also screw Arthur. Steve was kind of annoying. I respect Claire and I Love Her so Much. And uhhhhhhh yeah. That's it. 1000/10 show, can't wait to see the true finale.

#toa wizards #wizards #toa spoilers #tales of arcadia #tales of arcadia wizards #jim lake jr #jim lake #troll jim #my stuff #toa #luescris #gosh.... i was shaking when i finished the show #i was never truly prepared for any of it. and that is why it is good story telling. #hhhhhhh #i love my son jim ;;;3;;;

[burnedbyshoto]

Twice - Alphabet HC’s

a/n: this... actually made me appreciate jin so much??? like I never really thought of him romantically until now and... my heart D:

A = Affection (How affectionate are they with an s/o?)

He is big on affectionate. Even when experiencing large personality swings, there is one constant. You. he will always love you.

B = Breath (What could their s/o do to take their breath away?)

Taking his face in your hands and calming him down when he panics when his mask is gone. It’s small, it’s not even that big of a thing, but when you stare in his eyes… he feels whole, he feels split, and more importantly, he feels like there was nothing ever wrong

C = Cuddling (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)

He LOVES BEING THE LITTLE SPOON OKAY???? HOLD HIM BETWEEN YOUR ARMS AND WHISPER SWEET NOTHINGS IN HIS EAR

Isn’t always in a cuddling mood though, sometimes he’s too jittery to sit there

D = Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)

He dreams of one day being able to leave his mask behind with your help. He wants to be able to feel comfortable with himself outside of the mask

E = Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

He puts in a lot of effort, even if he swings between being like “fuck romance” and “I love you with all my heart” the latter will always win, and he does. The. most.

F = Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)

He will be your guard dog. Holding you tight, glaring at anything and everything that comes near you. He will defend you, fight anyone. He will do this until you feel safe until you’re ready

G = Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)

He gives you the weirdest shit ever. Like not in a bad thing, just things you would never buy yourself??? I mean you always love the small and intimate gifts he ends up bringing you but you’re like “...why do I need 50 kg of rainbow slime?” “because you were talking about it for 2 hours, and well, there was a sale!”

He doesn’t want gifts in return, but loves every single gift you’ll give him in return!

H = Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

His arms are ALWAYS hugging you!!!!!!!!!! Okay??? He just loves feeling whole and you’re his missing link

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

He’s the kind of guy that others don’t think are being romantic, like they’ll look at what he does and will ALL be like “uhh…” and look at you ready to hear you complain but are instead greeted with you sobbing and throwing yourself into his arms

J = Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)

Not a jealous bone in this baby!!!!! He trusts you to kick fucking ass to anybody who tries putting themselves on you. Will only intervene if you need him.

K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

Not a good kisser, but his enthusiasm is highly and lovingly noted. He loves kissing you!!!!!! And will try to kiss you at least once a day, even if he has to go find you to do it.

L = Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say or show it?)

He will say it before a year of you two dating. He knows he’s not the easiest to deal with, and the fact that you’ve stuck around, it really makes his heart go doki doki. He will say it all the time (“can you roll over? I need more blankets! Thank you, I love you.”) loves showing it and saying it.

M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

He wants to marry you, las vegas style.

N = Night out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

He likes paintball dates. Those are his favorite dates. He likes doing things with you, like escape rooms, all that shit!!!! He also enjoys laying a blanket by the fire and just eating dinner there. Likes having dates about twice a week ;)

O = Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do with/for their s/o?)

He’s not a big texter! So if you don’t see him irl you won’t hear from him at all for the day

P = Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)

He likes messing around with you!!! Prank wars are a thing, and pranking others in the league is something that really tickles your funny bone.

Q = Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

Always asks for your opinion on things, he’s first and foremost super curious about all your thoughts, and he has self-doubt. He is a very open and honest person, so hell yeah he shares his opinions!!!

R = Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)

Its very spontaneous or super predictable. Jin becomes more predictable when danger lurks, so you’ve associated spontaneity with better times

S = Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?)

He sleeps with his head on your stomach, don’t ask why he just really likes having his face there! Plus it’s hard to breathe when he’s on your chest.

T = Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

If jin had to decide on one person in the world to shoot a gun on the apple on his head from 12434243 feet away, it would be you.

U = Unique (What makes them unique as an s/o?)

His enthusiasm. You just do not ever expect it and when you realize that he is genuine and pure in all of his feelings and thoughts, it kinda makes you feel weird. But you love it, and you wish more people were like him, bold and brash and true.

V = Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

Being truly vulnerable doesn’t take that long. He is an honest person and if he loves you and knows you feel the same way he’s gonna open up like nobody's business.

Jin is a bit frantic in this state, crying, highly emotional, tearing between different personalities like a pendulum swinging, but you don’t leave him until he’s calmed down.

W = Wild Card (Get a random domestic headcanon of the character of your choice)

Jin is making a scrapbook, full of every little thing that the two of you have done together. Every movie, ever amusement park, he has love notes, and he has pictures you weren’t aware of in the slightest way

X = X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)

He will cater to you without even blinking an eye. He will run to the store for you, making you soup, getting a thermometer, fixing your bandages, and always giving you more water to drink.

Y = Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)

Nope, he loves you just for you. All of you. No matter how weird you are, he wouldn’t change a single detail about you. Why would he?

Z = Zeal (Are they passionate as an s/o? Do they want or like passion?)

He is a super intimate and passionate lover!!!!!!! He does the most for you and most times does it without even realizing it!

NSFW:

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He is bouncing off the walls. He will go and grab everything for you as quickly as he can, he’s a bit sloppy though, not going to lie, but you still appreciate a large amount of effort he puts into it.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite feature is his hands, they’re just… a demanding focus on his body he thinks, and he knows how to use them in a way that makes you feel good. His favorite body part on you is your eyes. He loves that he can read exactly how you’re feeling by peering into your eyes. It’s just so much more satisfying than anything else. But if we’re talking body body, he’s an ass man.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

His cum is pretty thin and very milky, super fucking warm, and enjoys seeing it splatter against your face.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’s nearly fucked a clone he made of you one day after not seeing you in a long time, and he was so needy, and nothing was working! He knows your proportions like his name and well when it came to penetration he just couldn’t do it and had to call you immediately afterward.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He is actually sort of experienced, he had a healthy sex life before his mental dip, and it’s still evident in the way he loves you. But he’s just so gentle with you sometimes you think that he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Missionary or reverse cowgirl.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He can be humorous in bed, especially once he’s no longer so shy around you in bed, you two are the ones to argue about a Spongebob episode while he’s slamming into you

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

It’s really badly groomed. He just doesn’t have the patience to groom it correctly. There are a few nicks and uneven patches, but you don’t mind. And the carpet is darker than the drapes.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

He is a very intimate person when it calls for it. As long as you aren’t goofing off expect for his words to be a prayer to your body in your ear, his eyes peering lovingly into yours. His soul is yours.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Loves masturbating with you. Especially when the two of you are too lazy to actually fuck, he just loves watching the way your fingers fuck yourself as he madly fists away.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Isn’t that kinky, to be honest. Like he’s open to everything but there isn’t one thing that set him off because everything about you makes him horny.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

He really likes fucking in a super big mattress, California king. He likes rolling around with you, so he needs the room.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

The thing that gets him going is after you’ve showered and you’re just waiting there for him. You look so pure and clean and innocent, but you’re not and welp there he goes.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Will not ever put anything over his head. Blindfold, mask, gag. It makes him panic, it makes him freak out unless it’s his mask, but he tries not to wear it in bed with you.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Loves giving it more. His skill is actually pretty good with this because he just enjoys using tongue, so he’s not bad at it at all.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual all the fucking way. Not that he doesn’t want to fuck you until the bed breaks, but there’s just something so much more rewarding about fucking you nice and slowly, his lips dragging against your skin… it’s just superior.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Not into quickies unless that’s all he can do. He just loves the passionate foreplay that is proper sex and you can’t get that with a quickie.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He is into experimenting as long as the two of you discuss it beforehand, he doesn’t like having things sprung upon him during a session. Discuss before enacting!

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can last a few healthy rounds, and he takes a while to come due to the slower nature of your sex.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Doesn’t own toys, but will buy them when the two of you want to be kinky. He enjoys watching you use them on him. He’s a little more of a sub!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Doesn’t like teasing you at all, he’s very straightforward and won’t take you on a wild goose chase to get his dick in you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s quite loud, he’s already very vocal, and well when you’re fucking him he has no restraint. Moaning and groaning are his favorite noises.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He wants to one day use his quirk to fuck you. You want more than one of his dicks surrounding you when he does you, and he may not be quite ready for that, but one day maybe when he’s ready it will happen.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s a bit smaller than average. 5 inches flaccid and 6.5 while erect. Very veiny dick that’s more concentrated along the front of his cock.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He has a semi-high sex drive. Like he doesn’t need to fuck every three days, but he enjoys it.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

As soon as he’s done providing for you, he will pass out LOL

#twice x reader #bubaigawara jin #jin bubaigawara #jin x reader #bubaigawara jin x reader #bnha writing blog #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha twice #mha #mha x reader #mha headcanons #mha twice #twice smut

[pocket-void]

Late night mumbling u///u

It’s currently 3 AM ish and I’ve been kinda thinking about how to feel about stuff. I do that sometimes.

The biggest thing is just what I should do with my time. It always comes back to that, time. There’s never enough hours in the day to do everything, and even when there is it feels like I don’t have the energy to do anything at all. Could be the winter cold, haha. Getting out of bed every morning is something I procrastinate at times, pffft. >\\\<

But I wanna get up. I get up because I wanna do stuff! I haven’t been doing much these days though, mostly because it’s break and I like to be sluggish when it’s break. It’s a good time to rest and all that, and that’s important too! But sometimes it feels a lil too unproductive, y’know? Gets me a lil antsy. I like the feeling of getting work done. u///u I also get really antsy when I feel like I’m disappointing people, as much as I also firmly believe that I’m the only person who needs to be satisfied with what I do at the end of the day. Kind of a natural feeling you know? There’s nothing wrong with it really.

It’s also normal to want people to like the things you do, and worry about the “what if”s if people don’t. It’s something that admittedly bugs me at times, since I like thinking that people like me. (To be fair I doubt there’s anybody who likes being disliked o///o) I get kind of nervous and overthink stuff when it comes to that sometimes. The whole “oh maybe they’ll find me annoying if I do this” or “oh it’s been so long maybe it’ll be awkward if I just go and do this”, that kind of thing. And that kind of concern leaks into the way I go about the things I make at times.

“Should I do this? Will this be ok? Would this be weird?” Sometimes that kind of thing stops me from doing stuff. It’s important to remember to step back and look at the bigger picture. Doing the things that I enjoy should never feel like a responsibility, and I’ve always believed that. At the end of the day, I’m free to just do the things I enjoy, y’know? But I still feel bad sometimes, because I’m really flighty with my interests. I wanna settle down and properly make something; tell a finished story. Even if nobody’s gonna look at it. I just wanna do something and see to it that it’s complete. But I leave behind too many things, and it’s a bit of a bummer no matter what it is really. ú///ù That’s ok though. I can’t do everything, and it’s easier to accept that than attempt to do so anyways. Take it easy.

Not that my mind isn’t always occupied with 3 ideas at once all the time anyways pffft. Currently there are a few topics of interests for me: The game I’ve been playing lately, continuing to draw comics, building a magic system purely for fun, and a whole lotta OC none sense.

I don’t often play games because it feels like a waste of time. But that’s a real bummer way of thinking about it. I don’t regret getting into Fallout New Vegas, but it’s certainly a time consuming endeavor due to the way I’m playing it pffft. And besides, even if I feel a lil bad about investing so much time into it, it’s still fun. As they say, “if it was time you enjoyed wasting, them it wasn’t really a waste of time”.

Believe it or not I still wanna draw the rest of the story for my AU that gets unfortunately interrupted both times I tried to continue it. I’m actually really embarrassed that it keeps happening, but I’ve decided that even if people lose interest in it I’m gonna keep doing it again. I hate to disappoint haha, but I’d say irregular updates are better than none! And either way it started out as a pretty self indulgent idea in the first place, I was really happy people seemed alright with it at the time though. Still makes me happy thinking about it now actually. I don’t regret making it. ^\\\^ (besides it’s actually more complex than its original idea now that I’ve been thinking about it for so long, but that won’t matter until I actually manage to keep going) Knowing me I just need to start, once I have momentum I’m usually pretty good at continuing. o///o

Just for fun I’ve been making up a magic system with a friend! Well it’s mostly me but he decided to shoot some ideas my way and I’m never against that. It’s like a semi Collab now. I started making it because I like magic systems and world building so I decided to make a system that’s basically everything I think is cool, so it’s a loose magic system with a lot of creative possibility and chances to go wild. The world will probably run of fighting game logic so it’s probably going to be really stupid, and that’s good honest fun to me! Seriously though, fighting games have the funniest world building due to fun character design trumping any sort of need for logic. Why do vampires, talking cats, samurais, robots, and whatever else share one world? Because it’s fun, that’s why. Lmaooo- >\\\< (I won’t be that wack since I like having more concrete rules, but just for fun why not just a lil bit...as a treat)

I miss making OCs. I wanna make an actual original story one of these days. I’ve had so many growing up but nowadays not as much. It’s a lot of work! But it makes my heart swell. I love making characters and worlds and watching them come to life. I have a lot of old OCs that make me wonder if I can recycle them all into a proper story, but perhaps that’s a bit ambitious for me right now. I’ve just been having a lot of thoughts because I love my recent OCs and wish to make a story for them. Well, my art could still use a lotta work too, haha. My art journey still has a long road up ahead, but I’m excited to keep going as always. *\\\^

If you’ve actually read all my nonsensical rambling then um, thank you, that’s very sweet that you’d wanna read the odd stuff I say. I never quite know what I’m doing, but I’m honestly just happy if even one person out there likes it. I would rather have people enjoy the stuff I personally enjoy doing than have me try and please others on purpose. You know? I’d like people to like me for me, that’s the greatest blessing I could be given, I’d say.

Anyways, it’s 4 AM now at the time I’ve finished writing this. It feels nice to ramble, even if it’s to nobody in particular. I hope you have a lovely day or night, wherever you are. u///u✨💖

#this is just late night stream of consciousness stuff #I doubt half of it makes much sense #but it’s nice to just spit words #see you guys in the morning u///u #mock talks

[simwoman2002]

Bullies

  “Oh, if it isn’t Mal. Goodness, the freak actually acts like she belongs here,” Audrey turned to the posse of girls behind her, not even bothering to speak lower as she insulted Mal.

  Mal rolled her eyes, mostly choosing to ignore them as she returned to carefully continuing her masterpiece. It was looking excellent, and she’d been working on it for days now. Mal certainly didn’t want to lose her concentration just for Audrey and her annoying ways.

  “I think she’s deaf, too. Wait, maybe she doesn’t speak English. She is a bit wild, after all. Like an animal,” Audrey relentlessly continued.

  Well… It was too late for her concentration. It already went down the toilet.

  On that note, Mal looked up from her book at Audrey, pretending to be startled. She then forced a wide grin on her face.

  “Oh, Audrey, I didn’t see you there. Oh, gosh, I love what you’ve done with your hair. How’d you get it to come out of your nose like that? Pure genius,” Mal snidely remarked. She then returned to her drawing once again and suppressed any outward show of her amusement at Audrey’s offended gasp of horror.

  “Wh- well! You just don’t know what you’re saying. She is retarded, after all. Too many years sucking poison apples in that depressing hole,” Audrey cruelly assessed.

  “Yeah, yeah, keep talking, Audrey, maybe you’ll actually say something smart one day,” Mal attempted to cut off the conversation.

  “Aww, you’re just jealous because you know that you’re not good enough for Ben, or this school, or anybody. Honestly, your little servants are better than you. At least they are loyal to something. However, misplaced their affections may be,” Audrey spat. Mal’s pencil stopped its frequent, calming strokes and she knew Audrey had noticed from the little victorious huff of laughter.

  “Especially that Evie. She told me the other day that you were like her sister,” she paused for an added effect, turning and looking back at her little gaggle of mindless geese. “Ooh, she’s got her fooled, doesn’t she?” She then resumed her ruthless attack on Mal.

  “We all know that you just manipulate the three of them to do your bidding. It’s unfathomable what you actually think of them,” Audrey smirked harshly.

  Mal swallowed hard, not letting them see that they actually did succeed in getting under her skin. They had unearthed a lot of old doubts about who she was and her feelings of inferiority surrounding her friendship with Evie and the boys.

  “But just look at you, Mal. How can you really think you’re better than the rest of us?” Audrey continued. “You’re really just a sad, pathetic, messed up little VK. And you’re ugly, too. All of those split-ends and your eyes are so far apart that it has to be against some law of physics,” the princess observed haughtily.

  “I don’t know, Audrey, the last time I checked ugly begins with U,” Mal fired, finally having something good to say as a comeback.

  “Maybe so, but at least I’m not a liar who deceives not only her ‘friends’ but also herself.”

  Mal sucked in a breath, about to say something when she suddenly felt a comforting, familiar hand squeezing her shoulder soothingly, the thumb swirling slow and careful circles on her shoulder. Mal flinched a little at the sudden touch and looked up at the person beside her.

  As she expected from the gentle touch, it was Evie who had made her way over to help defend her. Mal returned her gaze to her drawing, a huge array of doubts springing into her head. It really wasn’t as good as she had originally thought. Without hesitation, she quickly tucked her book in the bag hanging on her chair before anyone could see what it looked like.

  “Is there a problem over here?” Evie questioned seemingly kindly and obliviously, but Mal could hear the underlying tone of great warning laced in Evie’s voice.

  “Oh, nothing much. Just having a nice little conversation with your… ‘sister,’” Audrey replied, pronouncing the last word as if it were some sort of curse. Whereas it may or may not have flown over Evie’s head, Mal knew exactly what she was referring to and her ultimate goal in saying it. Mal looked between Evie and Audrey silently and hoped that her feelings of insecurity were not showing on her face.

  “I see... Well, I need to have a nice little conversation of my own with her, so please excuse us, girls,” Evie took Mal’s arm and pulled her out of the chair and, before anyone could make a move to stop her, left with the shorter girl. Mal managed to grab her bag just before they left as Evie almost dragged her in the other direction.

  Evie kept her hand on Mal’s arm until they left the library. Then she slid her hand down her arm and took the purple-haired girl’s hand in her own.

  “You okay?” the bluenette softly inquired. Mal looked up from the freshly-polished floor to meet Evie’s warm, caring brown eyes that seemed to have a never-ending supply of sympathy and love.

  “Y-yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” Mal replied, desperately wishing Evie would let it go. She really needed to be alone and she didn’t want Evie to know what was going on.

  If she did know, she might leave Mal by herself for the long term. Mal didn’t want the doubts to creep into Evie’s mind. They were already in her own, and if Evie began developing some, Mal would lose the only sister she ever had  and ever would have.

  “Are you sure? You don’t look so good. Did Audrey say something to you?” Mal’s eyes widened with fear but she quickly attempted to control her face.

  “I’m fine. She didn’t say anything out of the ordinary,” Mal informed her. It was a half-truth. It wasn’t anything unordinary for Audrey to be mean, but it was certainly questionable whether Mal was fine after the cruel words.

  Evie kept her gaze on the shorter girl and Mal cleared her throat, uncomfortable with Evie’s intent stare. Mal stepped away from her, her hand sliding out of the taller girl’s grasp as she walked ahead. She turned back to Evie, walking backwards, and painfully noted that Evie had an almost hurt look on her face.

  “I, um… Gotta go. I’ve got to get some celery to drop in Mother’s tank,” Mal forced a smile onto her face and Evie moved forward with her.

  “I can come with you if you’d like,” the bluenette offered sweetly, her red lips curling into a gentle smile as the wounded expression melted away.

  “NO!” Mal stopped quickly, realizing how strange that sounded. She took a breath and continued at a lower volume, “No, that’s fine. It’s really simple. It doesn’t require much help, and I have to get it done fast. See you,” Mal nervously told her and quickly rushed off, leaving Evie behind.

  When she turned the corner after what felt like an eternity, she slowed to a turtle-like gait, ambling along. Mal glanced over her shoulder to see if Evie had decided to follow her. To her relief, no one was there. She let out a shaky breath and continued her trek to her secret hiding place that no one- not even Evie- knew about. Her place of healing where she always went to get her head screwed back on straight.

  She’d push through this. Mal just had to make sure that absolutely none of her friends found out.

  Especially Evie.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      “Hello, Evie. Where’s Mal?” Audrey questioned, a sickeningly sweet tone to her voice as Evie turned to face the princess. Evie smiled quickly in return, but it swiftly gave way to a more solemn, suspicious expression.

  “She’s going to get some food… Why are you suddenly so interested?” Evie replied, her eyes narrowing as she stared at the girls before her. She had a feeling that they were targeting Mal for some particular reason, and she certainly was not going to allow her best friend to be injured by these snobby brats.

  “No reason. I just had to discuss something with Mal, but it can wait,” Audrey shrugged, full of false cheeriness as she turned and began to leave. Evie’s eyes hardened as she folded her arms over her chest, and she kept her gaze trained upon Jane who was trying to hide amongst the group.

  Jane made the mistake of looking back at Evie and she paled on seeing her. The bluenette eyed her harshly, raising an eyebrow. Jane quickly turned her attentions back to the girls beside her, trying to ignore Evie.

  Evie furrowed her brow and allowed her firm, strong posture to collapse under the worry and concern that she felt for Mal. She knew Mal had insecurities, and Mal certainly didn’t need Audrey tearing open old wounds.

  Evie loved Mal, and it killed her inside to think that some mean little monster was trying to eat at her sister.

  However, before she could put much more thought into this, Audrey had suddenly returned to her.

   “Oh, Evie? I needed to tell you something important. It’s about Mal,” Audrey spoke, an almost pitying expression carved into her features.

  “What is it?” Evie hesitantly asked, a feeling of disgust and worry bubbling up in a combined knot in her stomach. Evie didn’t like how Audrey had suddenly taken a newfound interest in speaking to her and Mal.

  “In the midst of an angry fit, Mal was ranting at me. This, of course, is certainly not surprising, but perhaps the shocker is that she told me she didn’t need Jay, Carlos, or you,” Audrey sadly told her. Evie withheld any outward reaction to Audrey’s words.

  “Now the boys, well, I mean, that’s not quite so shocking… But when I told her that you viewed her as a sister… She just sat down calmly in her chair, a positively impish grin on her face, and she proclaimed that she certainly didn’t feel the same way about you,” Audrey recounted, a solemn look about her.

  “And that was when you came into the library and wanted to talk to her. I’m so sorry, Evie,” Audrey placed her hand on Evie’s shoulder and squeezed gently.

  Evie’s mocha orbs searched Audrey’s face, desperate to find some sense of deceit. Oddly enough, however, Audrey seemed almost unnatural with all of the genuine sentiment.

  But she refused to believe it. This was her sister, her best friend. Mal didn’t feel that way… Right? Evie felt like something wasn’t adding up completely. Something about how Mal acted almost injured when she spoke to her before and how Jane was looking guilty.

  “No. I don’t believe you, Audrey. I’m sorry, but I’ve known Mal for longer than you have, and I know that she’d never, ever feel anything like that. And if she did, she certainly wouldn’t be telling you,” Evie told her, straightening in an attempt to exhibit her full height as she jerked her shoulder out from a shocked Audrey’s grasp.

  Evie turned and left quickly, eager to find Mal and hoping to maybe find Jay and Carlos to help her look. She had to have some answers, but most importantly, she needed to know what was said during Mal and Audrey’s confrontation.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      Mal lounged under the bleacher that was farthest from the door that went into the school, closing her eyes in the cool shade. She glanced up at the leaves on the trees. They were so brightly, vibrantly green as they blew cheerily in the breeze and Mal almost felt jealous. Why couldn’t she feel so joyous?

  Mal looked down at her drawing. It was awful. It really was. There were so many problems with it. The shading was off and some of the most important features were not right at all. It was perfect at a first glance, but when one really paid attention to the details, its ugliness and crudeness showed.

  Kind of like Mal.

  Mal then, in the heat of her anger, disappointment, and shame, tore her drawing from its place in her sketchbook, crumpling it and throwing it as far from her as she could which happened to only be about three or four feet away from her.

  She swallowed hard, holding back the tears. Her mother emphasized especially that tears were a sign of the ultimate weakness, and she hadn’t cried at all when she was on the Isle of the Lost. It just further went to show her that she was weak here. She had certainly lost her sense of self.

  Mal used to be so confident in who she was as well as her place in life. She was the daughter of the evilest villain on the Isle and was highly respected for it. Things weren’t easy, but everyone feared her with a few well-placed evil doings.

  Except her friends. Her beautiful, wonderful, faithful group that she could always rely on. They were perhaps the only people that she could ever depend upon to take care of her in a time of need.

  She withdrew a bright purple, permanent marker from her bag and did what she always did when she was feeling terribly down or when she was feeling any extreme emotion- she wrote on the bleacher behind her.

  Jay was her voice of reason and a fierce protector. Not that the others were not, Evie was especially protective, but she always felt physically safe when Jay was standing with her. She wrote his name.

  Carlos was her sense of humor. He never failed to bring a smile on her face or even to draw a good-natured groan at his cheesy jokes. She wrote his name.

  And Evie- she was just a different creature from the boys. She was somehow all of those things and more wrapped into one big package of sister. It was wonderful to have someone she could reveal some of her softer feelings to. Evie was just a wonderful thing. Mal wrote Evie’s name with extra care.

  She loved Jay, Carlos, and Evie with every fiber of her being. There was no piece of her that she would not gladly give to them. They each possessed every bit of her heart. Unfortunately for Ben, he had to share with them. When it came to Mal’s affections and loyalties, each and every one of them first and foremost went to her most beloved three people.

  But if Audrey’s secret got out, they could start having second thoughts about her and their relationship. Then she’d be alone. She’d have Ben, but even Ben couldn’t fill the gaping hole that would be left by her friends- no, family’s parting.

  She then quickly scrawled her name on the bright blue surface.

  “Mal?! Mal?! Agh, where is she?” Mal suddenly heard the sound of Jay’s voice sound off frighteningly nearby her. She looked up and spotted feet standing on the steps of the bleacher above her. Mal sucked in a quick breath, scared that she’d be spotted.

  “I don’t know, Jay, but Audrey’s after her. If she gets to her first, Mal will probably be even more crushed than she was when I talked to her,” Evie told him and Mal could hear the intense worry laced in the slightly older girl’s voice. Letting out the breath she’d been holding, she looked down at her hands as she stuffed the marker she had down into a pocket in her bag.

  They really shouldn’t even be bothering to look for her. She knew she didn’t deserve them and she never would. They should just go on about their own lives and leave her be, despite her own feelings.

  “We gotta find her,” Carlos agreed and Mal watched his shoes suddenly stepping up onto the bleacher.

  “Why don’t we split up?” Jay offered, shifting his weight to the other foot, the step creaking with the movement.

  “Are you sure?” Evie checked, and Mal noticed that her foot was tapping- a telltale sign of nervousness with her.

  “Well, I haven’t heard any better ideas. I’ll go check the halls,” Carlos volunteered, rushing off suddenly, and Mal involuntarily squeaked a bit upon the sudden sound of his loud footsteps upon the bleacher.

  Mal froze as she spotted Evie’s foot immediately stop its tapping. She gulped, knowing that Evie had heard her.

  “I’m hitting up the library again,” Jay announced, and jogged quickly away.

  Mal held her breath, and quietly stared at the pair of shoes that were standing frighteningly still. They then slowly began the trek down the bleacher. Mal knew that Evie was coming, but she didn’t know where she could hide.

  Mal desperately glanced about, trying to figure out where she could go. She stood up with her bag in hand, knowing that Evie was about to round the corner, and she eased around the other side of the bleacher just as Evie came around.

  “Mal?” the purple-haired girl heard the bluenette speak, her voice a bit hushed.

  Looking down at her feet and sucking in a deep breath, she hurried as soundlessly as she could possibly manage away from Evie.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      It was strange. Evie was one hundred percent certain that she had heard a noise. A noise that sounded suspiciously like the girl that she was looking for.

  “Mal?” Evie gently called. To her great disappointment, there was no sign of the girl herself anywhere. However, as she looked more at the back of the bleacher, she could tell Mal had definitely been there before.

 Covering the entirety of the back of it as far as Mal could reach was a variety of doodles and writing and all sorts of things. Most of the writing was closest to the ground.

  Evie knelt down to get a better look.

  “My Place” with a very detailed purple dragon standing nearby the words with red flames pouring from its maw.

  “Ben + Mal” with a heart encircling it.

  “Split-Ends” followed by a crudely drawn grumpy face and a well-drawn cartoon version of Evie with a rudimentary mean face but perfectly drawn hair in black marker. Evie couldn’t help but roll her eyes, grinning at Mal’s cranky scribbling.

  “Dude” with a cute drawing of Carlos’ pet and a pink heart around it.

  “Audrey” with an almost savage, caveperson drawing of Audrey, representing her as a vicious monster. Evie giggled, trying to commit every detail to memory.

  “Evie (While I’m in a better mood than last time),” Evie smiled softly as she admired Mal’s handiwork. It was beautiful, and it was almost like looking in a mirror with how accurately Mal had depicted her features.

  And perhaps the most recent, simply because it was significantly less weathered, was what Evie read next.

  “Jay – My Reason and My Big Brother”

  “Carlos – My Humor and My Little Brother”

  “Evie – My Rock, My Best Friend, and My Big Sister”

  Evie brought her hand up to the last row, touching it gently. It was dry, to her relief, and she caressed the words as if they would disappear before her fingertips.

  It was so touching, and it immediately removed any miniscule doubts that she may have ever had.

  She furrowed her brow as more writing caught her attention. Sloppier, almost harsh writing.

  “Mal – Troublemaker, Screwup, MY WORST ENEMY”

  Evie covered her mouth, looking at the words as she felt them reverberate throughout the very core of her being. They were cutting, awful words that Evie didn’t understand why Mal would ever write about herself.

  Evie sat down on the ground, feeling their effect as if they were personal insults toward her. It cut her to the very bone to know that Mal was thinking and feeling such things.

  It was such a sharp contrast with how Mal wrote about Evie. Evie was viewed as practically perfect in Mal’s eyes, at least in the writing that she had read so far. Even when Mal was aggravated about the split-ends situation, Evie was still drawn mostly favorably.

  Evie felt a bit of moisture running down her face and she rubbed it away. She spotted another small saying nearby her face.

  “Tough Girls DON’T Cry,” Mal had written in bright, neon red. Evie sat in shock as if she had been slapped. Is this what Mal had to see on a regular basis? Or at least whenever she came here?

  Below that were various other cutting notes that were written in an offensive shade of green.

  “I Will Always be Rotten to the Core. No Matter What I Do.”

  “I am My Mother’s Child.”

  “Fate is Inescapable.”

  “I’m not good enough.”

  The tears flowed freely after all of these proclamations, and Evie inevitably felt horribly miserable for Mal as well as guilty due to the fact that she had not realized this herself without the assistance of a stupid wall.

  Through these hurtful phrases, Evie had come to the conclusion that this was the way that Mal dealt with and shut away her pain in a distant drawer of agony.

  Evie wiped her cheeks, and with the movement, her face was angled so that something happened to catch her eye not too far from her. She narrowed her eyes and looked at the object.

  There on the green grass not too far from her was a rolled-up ball that was colored suspiciously like the old-looking paper in Mal’s sketch book. Evie crawled forward on her knees, completely disregarding what the grass could potentially do to her leggings if she happened to drag her legs, and she grabbed the paper.

  Evie sat back down and carefully unfolded the paper. It was ridiculously crinkled, further proving the fact that Mal obviously never did anything halfway.

  When she finally was able to unravel it from its almost completely crumpled form, she was shocked once again for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

  Drawn on the paper she held in her hands was Mal, Evie, Jay, and Carlos, flawlessly and beautifully depicted. It wasn’t colored, but it was still a very striking picture without any modifications.

  It was almost alive with all of the laughter and smiles. There was an imaginary conversation that was so close yet so far that seemed like the words were on the tip of Evie’s tongue.

  They were so animated on the papers. In the drawing, Evie had her head leaned against Mal’s, her entire face scrunched with laughter while Mal laughed as well but with more reservations, attempting to roll her eyes as if she were more dignified than the rest of them. On the other side of Mal, Carlos had his hands extended out and his eyes were wide as if he was telling some sort of very dramatic story. Jay, on the opposite side of Evie, was holding his head with his hand in some emotion between exasperation and amusement.

  It was perfect in every way.

  Evie took the corners in her hand and tried to straighten the crinkles a little more. She didn’t try to work out the wrinkles much, however, because she didn’t want to rip it.

  When, the bluenette eventually realized that this was obviously a futile effort, she arose from her position on the ground. She held the drawing carefully in her hands and she looked around the area carefully in case Mal was hiding somewhere nearby. But no Mal was anywhere to be seen.

  Evie gave the artwork one last glance before she gently folded and tucked it between her body and the elastic of her skirt so that the end of it was sticking out but the bottom was securely held against her.

  She then left Mal’s secret spot, off to go search for her sister.

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      Mal almost completely silently worked her way past the crowd of chorus students that had just came back from their weekend practice. She kept her gaze on the floor and tried to avoid looking directly at any of them. Maybe none of them would acknowledge her presence.

  She didn’t want any of them to see her. Not in this state. This was the most vulnerable she had ever been.

  Mal turned the corner and headed straight for Evie’s and her room, planning to stay there until Evie came. Then she’d pretend that she was asleep so the bluenette wouldn’t bother her- hopefully.

  However, just as she was reaching the door, she spotted Carlos coming her way in a hurry. Her eyes widened and she turned, trying to quickly escape before he could catch her and bring her to the others.

  “Mal? Mal! There you are! We’ve been looking all over for you!” Carlos called out and Mal heard his footsteps quicken. The purple-haired girl exhaled in exasperation and mild panic, growing unreasonably afraid as the feeling of someone chasing her set into her bones.

  The footsteps were growing louder, and Mal couldn’t stand the feeling anymore, and she took off as fast as she could.

  “Mal, wait!” Carlos yelled, and Mal just ran faster, trying desperately to find the chorus group she had just passed. She stopped quickly and turned down another hall, spotting the huge, dense crowd of people once again.

  Mal’s heart was racing, and she didn’t want to admit it, but she was afraid. Running from someone brought back too many horrible memories. It was like she was running for her life, and it never mattered who was chasing her or what their intentions were.

  “Mal, stop!” Carlos shouted and she knew he was gaining on her. His voice was too loud for him not to be near.

  Mal zigzagged through the people, accidentally shouldering a few as she passed. She tried to avoid bumping into them, since that’d only further clear the path for Carlos.

  Several gasps were heard and some students dodged her running form. She moved sideways to squeeze past a particularly massive student. With how tall and hairy the guy was, he had to be the son of Bigfoot himself. Oh, the strange people one can see, she thought to herself.

  She moved past the last few people and she darted away, the de Vil boy officially left behind.

  “Mal! Come back! Please! We just want to talk to you!” Mal could hear Carlos desperately call somewhere in the thick of the crowd.

  She didn’t hesitate, and she turned a variety of corners before she finally looked behind her to check for any sign of the boy. Mal sighed in relief as she slowed her sprint to a more casual walk.

  Mal absently noted that she was standing in front of the entrance to the library. However, just as she noticed this, she also realized that Jay was there in that very library searching for her.

  And the guy in question was just across from her on the other side of a table. He looked at her, his eyes wide as he smiled.

  “There you are. Finally!” Jay told her. Mal furrowed her brow in thought and started slowly moving backwards, trying desperately to come up with some sort of escape plan.

  “Woah, woah, it’s all good. You’re cool,” he extended his arms out in front of him in a placating gesture as he carefully started trying to ease his way around the table.

  She was in one of those unpredictable moods. One of those that immediately complied with whatever her mind suggested for her to do. And right about now, it was suggesting heavily that Mal should go and jump out of the window that happened to be opened.

   Without a second thought, Mal rushed sideways and evaded Jay’s arms as he lunged to grab her. She didn’t want to be caught, and she didn’t intend to be caught until she was fully ready. Mal didn’t want Jay, Evie, and Carlos to find out. Not yet. Not until she had healed the wound left behind by Audrey.

  Mal was quickly growing closer to the window and she felt the panic rising within her as she heard Jay’s breathing growing ever closer. She hated to be chased. It scared her so much to feel like something or someone was going to capture her.

  She withdrew her spell book, knowing she’d need it to close up the window behind her so Jay couldn’t follow her.

  When she got to the window, she placed her hand on the windowsill and threw her body through the hole gracefully.

  “Flying feet be ever swift, let the window behind me fall and never lift,” Mal uttered her spell, and the glass sealed itself behind her as she landed on the ground.

  Jay was stopped in his tracks immediately, rolling his eyes in frustration. To her mild surprise, Carlos then suddenly appeared beside him. The de Vil boy beat on the window exasperatedly.

  “Mal, we want to talk to you! Stop making it so difficult!”

  Mal turned and ran in the opposite direction, trying to escape before it occurred to them that there was another window nearby that they could open.

  It was amazingly secluded in this particular part of the school, Mal couldn’t help but notice as she rushed across the schoolyard in nigh panic. The fear of being pursued seemed to hyper-charge her senses.

  Which was largely why it was so shocking when someone, that she hadn’t seen before in her assessment of the area’s emptiness, ran out in front of her quickly. Before she could even see who had just intercepted her barreling gait, Mal collided into him or her with full-force.

  Mal smacked the side of her head hard against the other person’s and she groaned upon impact. Whoever it was certainly had a head made of pure steel.

  Mal tried to get up and off of them quickly to save them both from any more pain- and also simply because she needed to get away from people for a while- but she was stopped by the person under her grabbing onto her arms tightly and keeping her pinned against them.

  “Let go of me!” Mal angrily cried out, confused as to why some stranger was restraining her.

  However, upon pushing away from the person a bit, she immediately spotted the shiny, perfectly-manicured blue hair that was flowing around the two of them.

  It was Evie.

  Mal’s eyes widened and she started fighting against Evie with a new, even more invigorated force. She’d start chasing her, too, Mal knew it.

  However, instead of allowing Mal to push her away, Evie just sat up and wrapped her arms around the girl tightly. Mal scooted backwards on the grass, furiously trying to get away.

  But she felt her resolve weakening as Evie just moved with her and pulling her impossibly closer against her as she stroked her hair carefully.

  “Mal, calm down. Calm down. You’re shaking.”

  Mal wriggled her arms, trying to unpin them from between her and Evie.

  “It’s okay. I know you don’t like being chased. Jay and Carlos shouldn’t have done that,” Evie reassured, whispering in her ear as she moved a little with Mal’s incessant struggling and tremulous movements.

  “It’s alright. I love you, I’m here for you,” Evie attempted to calm Mal. Her eyes widened, and the green-eyed girl finally loosened, stopping her thrashing. Those three certain words had reached past all of the hurt, insecurity, and fear, penetrating her heart with their sincerity.

  After a moment of hesitation, Mal cautiously leaned into Evie, tucking her head under the bluenette’s chin with a shaky breath. Mal felt Evie lay her cheek upon the top of her head.

  She sat silently, pressed up against the slightly older girl tightly as Evie held her. Mal took deep, shuddering breaths as she tried to control her definitely out of control emotions.

  After several moments, Mal heard footsteps approaching them. She stiffened and tried to escape Evie’s grasp, but Evie wouldn’t let her go, instead placing her hand on the back of Mal’s head and threading her fingers through her soft, purple locks.

  “Give me a second,” Mal could hear Evie whisper to the two boys, and Mal snuggled further into her. They stepped back, but Mal knew they were still lingering close enough to hear what was said.

  Mal was feeling quite embarrassed for her earlier dramatics, and she also felt a little silly for being so needy, but she had been having a very rough day. Evie was exactly who she needed to take care of her at this point.

  Not that she didn’t love the boys. It was just that she felt even more humiliated when she cried in front of them. She always was seen as the strongest emotionally of them all, and she hated to show weakness.

  Evie gently pressed her lips against the top of Mal’s head. Mal simply sighed in response.

  “Talk to me if you need to,” Evie softly instructed, her voice calm and soothing to her. She shook her head a bit.

  “It seems so stupid now,” Mal murmured against the fabric of Evie’s shirt.

  “Whatever it is, it’s not stupid,” Evie firmly told her. “It made you upset.”

  Mal was silent for a moment, trying to find a particularly good way to put it. She didn’t want pity. She definitely didn’t deserve it or the people that had been working so hard to help her.

  She finally decided she’d just say it with her infamous bluntness.

  “I don’t exactly know what to tell you. Audrey was just especially mean today… And she pretty much told me that I don’t deserve you guys. And I may or may not have actually believed her,” Mal felt Evie’s body harden immediately, her muscles tensed.

  “She did what?” Evie questioned, and Mal could hear the forced control in her voice. Mal berated herself. She should’ve known that Evie was going to react that way.

  “But it’s fine. I’m fine,” Mal reassured, but it mostly sounded like she was trying to reassure herself as well. Evie sighed, and Mal detected the sadness, anger, and love all rolled into one expression.

  “Mal, you deserve us. You deserve the world, don’t you understand that? I wish you could see it like I do,” Evie told her.

  Mal felt Evie’s head move in what seemed to be a nod, and she shortly thereafter heard footsteps approaching.

  Before she knew it, two other sets of arms had engulfed her and Evie. Carlos rested his head against Mal’s, and Jay encircled them all as well as he could. Mal exhaled softly, feeling the pieces of her heart start to barely come together with a sensation that could only be labelled as healing.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      Mal walked into her and Evie’s dorm room, feeling considerably better than she did the previous day. There were still a few nagging thoughts, but she had had a long, refreshing talk with Evie that night, and most of them had dissipated.

  Evie flashed her a quick smile in greeting but returned to her work with great concentration. Mal’s lips slightly upturned in response, and she sat her things down on her purple quilts.

  Overall, Mal felt mostly contented. Everything was comfortingly familiar in the room, even the rather loud smell of Evie’s ever-present perfume that was highly offensive to Mal’s nose in large doses, which was just what she needed.

  Mal turned around and came up behind Evie to look over her shoulder and see what she was drawing.

  However, when she approached the girl, what she definitely did not expect was the drawing that she had rid herself of positioned on Evie’s vanity in a beautiful wood frame not too far from the bluenette.

  Mal furrowed her brow and grabbed the picture frame, looking at it critically as a compendium of negative thoughts respawned within her mind.

  “Why is my picture here?” Mal asked, gazing at Evie confusedly.

  It was completely unknown to her why in the world that Evie would want her picture in a place where she’d have to look at it all the time. It wasn’t good at all, and ultimately, there were so many things wrong with it.

  “I think you mean my picture that you just so happened to draw,” Evie corrected, taking the picture out of Mal’s hands gently and placing it back where the girl had picked it up from.

  “When I found it, it was crumpled up into a ball and was looking quite lonely. So, I just picked it up and I got a frame for it today so I could see the masterpiece all the time,” Evie explained herself as she stared at the picture with unadulterated fondness.

  “But why would you even want it? It’s awful,” Mal expressed her secret thoughts on the subject, looking down at her hands that were currently resting on the vanity.

  “Hmm… From where I’m sitting, it looks like the most beautiful drawing I’ve ever seen. Mal, just look at our faces. See it from my perspective,” Evie suggested in a tone that communicated to Mal that it was more of a command. Evie stood up from her chair, moving beside Mal and leaning so that her head was pressed against the green-eyed girl’s.

  “Do you see us?” Evie extended her hand so that she could more directly show Mal.

  “Yeah, E, I drew it. Of course I see us,” Mal told her.

  “Well, this should make things easier for you, then. Do you see the way Carlos looks like he’s in the middle of this really ridiculous story?” Mal nodded, rolling her eyes and really thinking the entire situation was pointless.

  “Okay, and do you see the way you’re trying to cover up that you really think it’s funny?” Mal hummed in agreement.

  “And look at Jay! He’s totally convinced that it’s cheesy and stupid, but his face shows that he does think it’s a little funny,” Evie pointed out.

  “And you captured me perfectly, Mal. I’m laughing like crazy, my head leaned against your shoulder, as if Carlos’ story is the funniest thing in the world,” Evie smiled widely, looking at Mal affectionately.

  “That’s the way I made it to look, Evie,” Mal finally spoke, shaking her head in irritation.

  “Yes! Exactly! The fact that I understood it completely and saw the story you were trying to tell shows you that the drawing’s not trash,” Evie straightened and took Mal’s shoulders, turning her so that she faced the taller girl.

  Evie stared at her for a moment, her eyes glowing with that sisterly love that sometimes overwhelmed Mal.

  “Mal… It’s actually really beautiful,” Evie admitted.

  The purple-haired girl shifted her gaze over to the picture on the vanity, and stubbornly watched as all of Evie’s explanation and insisting came together in a final product of an actually somewhat decent picture in Mal’s view.

  Mal hesitantly looked back at Evie. The bluenette smiled encouragingly at her.

  Mal finally cracked under the persistent pressure of Evie’s gaze. It was impossible to decline her when she was looking so ridiculously hopeful.

  Evie seemed to practically glow with happiness upon the sight of Mal’s tiny smile.

  “I guess it’s not totally bad,” Mal admitted after quite a bit of reluctance.

  Evie was thrilled, and she took the slightly younger girl’s hands in her own with such vigorous excitement that Mal couldn’t help but feel a little happy with her.

  “I knew you’d see it my way,” Evie pulled her into a hug, tightly encircling Mal’s body in her arms. Mal wrapped her arms around Evie tentatively in return, her mind still reeling with her new feelings of slight confidence in her artworks and actions.

  Evie sighed happily, still very much feeling huggy, Mal noticed, and she moved her head a bit closer to Mal’s ear.

  “M, don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not talented. That you’re weak…. That you’re evil,” Evie reassured her strongly in a voice barely above a whisper.

  Mal simply nodded in response, feeling quite sure that Evie had seen the writing on the bleachers. It wasn’t that big of a deal, she supposed. This was Evie- one of the three people that Mal actually trusted with her most secret feelings.

  “Because you’re none of those things. Sure, you had a rough start- we all did. But you broke through and you are definitely not the same person as you were on the Isle. You are so much more than that now,” Evie comforted, squeezing her a bit tighter in the embrace.

  “Thank you, E… It does mean a lot to hear that,” Mal slightly smiled to herself and Evie pulled away so that she could look at her.

  “You’re welcome. But every bit of it was true, Mal. I am so proud of the person you’ve become,” Evie took Mal’s shoulders in her hands, looking down at her with joy.

  “I’m proud of you, too. I mean, who would’ve thought the most prissy and perfect of us all would’ve ended up being the smartest one of all of us?” Mal complimented, smiling at Evie’s happiness.

  Evie laughed self-deprecatingly and let go of Mal, looking at her shoes.

  “I wouldn’t say the smartest. I think we’re all great in our own areas. Even if I do have a little bit of a talent in chemistry,” Evie grinned, unable to be completely humble. Her ego did need a bit of stroking every now and then, Mal knew well.

  “Oh, I wanted to tell you, I’ve got a little something for us to do together with the guys today, if you’re up for it,” Evie spoke, a mischievous grin on her face that left Mal with a feeling of nostalgia of their times on the Isle.

  “Okay… And what would that be?”

  Judging by Evie’s smile, Mal knew it had to be something positively mischievously rotten.

  She could do with a little rotten.

   ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

      “She’s coming, you guys,” Carlos warned, rushing back to the other three of their group in the parking lot nearby the school. Mal looked at Evie, still unaware of their ultimate plan.

  They were currently crouched behind a car and all Mal was allowed to know was that Evie was plotting something to get Audrey back for what she had said to Mal. It was all Mal could do to remain cool and keep from begging to know the secret.

  “Alright! Is everything in order?” Evie asked Jay, looking over at him. He nodded, a wide grin on his face.

  “Just as you asked,” he replied. Mal furrowed her brow and looked around, trying to spot where Jay had placed the things for the prank.

  “Wonderful. It’s really great that Audrey plans everything around a schedule, you know? You can always tell when she’s going to be anywhere,” Evie chuckled, a hand on Mal’s back as she peered out from the side of the car.

  After a few moments, Audrey in all of her pretty pink glory appeared in the parking lot, strutting over to a vehicle. However, upon approaching the trunk, her eyes went wide and she made a strangled sound somewhere between horror and absolute terror. Mal wasn’t sure. She must’ve lost a bit of her edge. Mal used to be able to hear the difference.

  Audrey slowly approached the side of her car, and Mal squinted, trying to see past her to read what was written in pretty blue marker.

  Audrey finally let loose with an ear-splitting scream, running as fast as she could in her high heels which, unfortunately for her, was not very swiftly.

  Once she was out of sight, Mal straightened and strode over to the car that Audrey seemed to be so scared of. Exhibit A: a crudely bloodied arm that was clearly made of rubber hanging out of the trunk. To a seasoned prankster and VK, it was easy to discern rubber and human flesh. She moved along the side of the vehicle and read the message written on the window.

  For the first time in several days, Mal laughed loudly, pure genuine mirth that bubbled over like a concoction in a cauldron. She threw her head back with the sheer joy of it as she ambled back to her small, beautifully wonderful family.

  Mal really hoped they had some sort of marker remover, though, so they wouldn’t get into trouble.

  “You’re next, Audrey – Evie, Jay, and Carlos”

#bullying #bully #evie #mal #jay #carlos #descendants #disney #family #familial #fam #my writing #fanfiction #fiction #fanfic #fic #myfic #my fic #my fiction #sisters #sister #sis #brothers #brother #bro #sibling #siblings

[dezembergirl]

Seventeen

Part 7 of a Series (read 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6; as always inspired by @nonibanoni )

fandom: Skam

pairing: Noorhelm

originally published to ao3

Thanks to a loud banging noise and string of curses Noora jolted awake ten minutes before her alarm was due to go off. Her momentary confusion gave way to a mumbled «fuck» when the clock on her nightstand read 06:30. She groaned and let her head drop back into the pillow. It was just her kind of luck, the one time she actually had a halfway pleasant dream Eskild had the glorious idea of rummaging through the kitchen at half past six in the morning. She huddled the blanket over her head and pressed her arms up to cover her ears. When the noises didn’t relent after a minute and the sheet threatened to block out her oxygen supply Noora gave up and tossed the blanket from her body.

There was no use in going back to sleep now and she mentally noted down a speech to properly reprimand Eskild. Half past six, how the hell was he even up right now? At least Linn - the most noise sensitive person Noora had ever encountered - would take her side in this. It was already light outside so she didn’t have to bother with finding the light switch to collect her socks and a sweater. Their shared apartment was never properly heated, partly because the rent was already high enough without any additional heating expenses and the bigger reason being that besides her neither Eskild nor Linn cared about turning on the radiators. She made a mental reminder to scold Eskild about that later, she would not spend another winter sleeping with 3 layered blankets.

Dropping back down on the mattress, she pulled on the socks and reached for her buzzing phone. The list of notifications seemed to stretch endlessly when she scrolled down. It took another loud bang from the kitchen for her brain to kick into gear and make sense of spew of unread texts.

The only thing worse than waking up this early was waking up to find it was her birthday.

If she had to pick, April 6th was easily in the top three worse days of the year; right up their with her annual dentist visit and final exam’s day. Eying her tousled sheets she considered getting back under her blanket and hiding for the next 24 hours. She was an exemplary student when it came to never skipping a single lesson, so one day wouldn’t really hurt anybody, right?

But the thought of her friends disappointed faces if she should really stay home was enough guilt to get her up from the mattress. She rubbed at her eyes and heard the satisfying pop from her vertebras when she turned her head side to side, cracking her neck. She would get through today - for her friends - and who knew, it might not turn out to be as bad as her last few birthdays.

She immediately scratched that flash of optimism when the girls’ group text wasn’t only filled with a wave of congratulatory messages and hearts but also an already half-formed plan on where they would go out celebrating tonight. She thought about shutting them down right now but besides Sana’s text from 10 minutes ago, the rest of the messages had been sent somewhere between midnight and 2 am. It was useless to protest now and it would be more effective in person anyways.

Noora scrolled through the rest of the messages, a few from other people at school and her friends in Spain. Her heart sank when she found her parents’ annual message, wishing her well and good luck for the year ahead. She wrote back a curt thank you and did her best to suppress the squirming in her stomach.

The kitchen had quieted down and opening her bedroom door, Noora almost ran face first into Eskild, holding a plate and her favourite mug.

«Oh, what the fuck Eskild?» Noora squeaked and scolded herself for not managing to sound pissed at him whatsoever.

But before she could go off on an angry tirade on how fucking inconsiderate it was to make that much noise in the morning, her eyes caught the plate in his hands, complete with a burning candle sticking slightly off center out of a - no doubt freshly bought - chocolate muffin.

«What …» she started.

«Happy birthday old lady!» he forced the plate into her hand. «I know I know, it’s not an actual cake but I promise it tastes good. And we got you your favorite tea and I promise I’ll do the groceries and toilet paper today, so you don’t have to worry about any of that.»

Noora must have stared at him with a shocked expression because his wide eyes faltered and his brows furrowed in worry. He opened and closed his mouth, apparently trying to figure out where he had gone wrong but before he could say anything she threw her arms around his neck.

The tea that was still in his hand half spilled on her well worn ‘I heart Madrid’ sweater but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Eskild smelled like a mixture of beer and weed and when she pulled back to look at his beaming face his eyes were smaller than usual; she faintly recalled him announcing he would go out last night.

«It’s perfect, thank you!» Noora said.

«You like it?» he leaned against the door frame and Linn poked her head out beside him.

«Yes, of course.»

«Okay, okay, you have to blow out the candle and wish for something.» Eskild nodded towards the plate.

She did, even though wishing for everything to stay like it was right now felt incredibly cheesy.

After a few bites of the incredibly sugary muffin and listening to Eskild gush about a tall and dark boy he met at a bar around 4 am she checked her phone again. There were a few new messages in the girl chat but she wasn’t entirely sure whether to be disappointed or relieved that William hadn’t texted her. If she was lucky he might not even realize her birthday was today; it probably wouldn’t end well anyway.

As expected her friends’ excitement outdid her own by a mile. Eva and Vilde revealed a box containing a cake drowned in sugary frosting; the slightly squished appearance made her think back to their Harry Potter marathon from three weeks ago at Eva’s sleepover. Several people came over between lessons to congratulate her. Sarah and Ingrid gave her a quick hug while Jonas and Isak found her on her way to the bathroom while the rest of the girls had stayed behind in their English classroom; the Penetrator party had been a week ago and Eva and Jonas were still hard set on ignoring each other.

It wasn’t unusual for her to not see William or any of his closer friends during her school day as the 3rd years spent most of their breaks smoking and doing god knows what down the street from the B building. She supposed it was a good thing, seeing as the girls refused to leave her side except for separate lessons. This meant, Vilde was a constant shadow and she caught her peeking at her phone multiple times as Noora texted back thank you messages. It would have been easier to ignore her stares if she had indeed had nothing to hide; but she did.

She tried to protest, when Eva puller her into the third floor bathroom minutes before their last lesson for the day but retaliated when her friend gave her a stern look.

«Did Vilde see us?» Eva closed the door and squatted down to check the stalls.

«No, I don’t … What’s going on?» Noora asked

«You» Eva bore her pointed finger into Noora’s shoulder «better pray Vilde doesn’t check Instagram in the next 40 minutes.»

«What?» she stared at Eva, who had pursed her lips into a smirk.

«He isn’t exactly being subtle.»

Noora tried to retaliate but stopped when Eva’s knowing look finally clicked into place. Her stomach dropped. «What did he do?»

Eva was only too eager to puller out her phone and after a few quick swipes presented Noora with William’s newest Instagram post - dated 10 minutes ago.

@magnussonwilliam Someone deserves flowers today

«Oh fuck» her brows furrowed.

«I was thinking more along the lines of, damn that’s the most romantic thing since Leo froze to death for Kate in Titanic.»

«Oh my god, Eva this is not funny.» Noora snatched the phone from her friend’s hand and scrolled through the - already 203 - likes. «This is really bad.»

Eva laughed and pulled them both out of the bathroom. «As I said, better hope Vilde doesn’t see it.»

Trailing behind Eva to their Spanish class room, her cheeks turned flaming red when a comment from one of the third year girls popped up under the post ‘Told you all, he has a girlfriend’.

Eva kept throwing her knowing glances throughout their reading assignment and as if things couldn’t get any more awkward the next time her phone buzzed, it was a text from William himself. Seeing Noora’s entire head turn into a very unflattering shade of pink Eva almost choked on her own laughter and ignored her unnerved glares.

She turned towards the wall away from Eva and unlocked her phone.

William: pick you up after school?

Noora bit her lip. This was indeed getting worse by the second.

Noora: NO!!

Noora: are you insane?

Eva squirmed in the chair beside her, craning her neck to get a look at Noora’s phone.

William: ??

Noora: the instagram post, really?

William: Chris agreed it was sweet

She bit her lip to keep from hissing at the display. She’d literally kill him if he told Chris. Not that Eva didn’t know more than she deemed appropriate already, but he’d promised to keep it to himself. Her heart was thumping against her throat and her fingers needed several tries to type the find the keys on the screen.

Noora: You told Chris?

William: No … well yes, but he doesn’t know it’s u

Noora: that’s not reassuring whatsoever …

William: I’m sorry, I’ll pick you up after school and make it up to you

Noora: No! I’m going to lunch with the girls. I’ll text you later!

She didn’t bother waiting for his reply before shoving the phone into her backpack. She ignored Eva’s raised eyebrows for the rest of the lesson.

Eva’s smirk and William’s audacity to presume she wouldn’t have anything better to do on her birthday than to make out at his apartment made her head boil and the last bell couldn’t come soon enough. As if a few lousy flowers would make her forget all the very valid reasons, dating - the word itself seemed absurd in connection with William Magnussen - him was a very unwise choice. Before Eva could even put away her Spanish folder, Noora pushed past the rest of the students into the hallway and down the stairs. To her annoyance she didn’t get very far when Vilde blocker her way two corridors down.

Vilde - who was seemingly ignorant of the Instagram post - pulled her out into the yard to wait for the other three. It was just past three o’clock and the yard was filled with students saying goodbye to their friends. Still, she turned her head every few seconds to check if William was anywhere close. Vilde must have noticed her nerves because she found her staring every time she turned to look at her. Sana and Chris caught up with them five minutes later and Eva shook her head at Noora in feigned annoyance.

«Where to for lunch?» Sana prompted before either Eva or Vilde could make another precarious comment.

«It’s not Friday, but I was thinking tacos?»

The rest nodded in agreement.

They’d made it past the gate and around the corner when Noora froze mid step and caused Eva to shriek in surprise. William and Chris, both their noses in their phones, leaned against the black Porsche, parked not ten meters from the school corner. At the sudden noise both looked up and Noora collected every last ounce of her self control to ignore the forming smirk on William’s lips; knowing just how good it felt kissing them made it all that much harder.

Chris and Sana stayed back and watched the scene unfold while Eva padded Noora’s shoulder and didn’t quite manage to stifle her giggles. Vilde was beaming and Noora hoped she was too distracted to catch William winking at her. Eva didn’t miss it but instead of embarrassing her any further she sauntered up to Chris who licked his lips.

«The party was amazing.» Vilde had positioned herself in front of William. «I hope you got enough donations. The whole auction thing was such a brilliant idea.»

Noora cringed and met William’s gaze over Vilde’s shoulder. She did her best to narrow her eyes and give him a stern look but the execution didn’t succeed when her lips tucked into a traitorous smile. Vilde kept rambling until Sana had the good grace to nudge her along. In one moment that seemed like the perfect movie coincidence, Chris and Eva where distracted with each other and the other three girls already heading down the street. To quick for her to protest William snatched her arm to pull her towards him.

«Happy birthday, text me after lunch!» he was so close to her ear, he barely had to raise his voice.

Noora bit her lip and gave him a nod. His hand squeezed hers before he let her go and turned back to Chris, who had trapped Eva against the car.

Noora had never been the biggest fan of birthdays, so the small mountain of presents her friends pulled out on the table made her heart comfortably warm and her head dizzy. Two books, one lavender scented candle and a box of handpicked sweets laid between the emptied taco baskets. She gave them all a tight hug and for the first time since Noora could remember she was sad when the birthday dinner - technically lunch - was over and they all parted ways. Of course Vilde, Eva and Chris had done their best to persuade her to a party later but she declined and promised to come to the next buss party without any protests.

To avoid any further run-ins she had made William promise to park at least two blocks away. He was again leaning against his car - it was a cool, expensive, but cool car nevertheless.

«Don’t ever do that again!» she whispered when he pulled his arms around her and only huffed in reply. His hands rubbed the tension from her back and she relaxed into his tall frame.

«Happy birthday» he pulled back to meet her eyes and she couldn’t hold the smile back any longer when his thumb brushed along her cheekbone and he finally placed a quick kiss on her lips. He let go to reach down to lift the modest bouquet of tulips from the hood of his car and offer them to her.

«Thank you.» she intertwined their fingers and he returned her smile.

«I’m sorry about the Instagram post. I can delete it if it bothers you?»

«No, no it’s okay.» she cocked her head to peer at him. «I was just a little overwhelmed earlier.» She pulled him down for a longer kiss. They took their time before he opened the passenger side door for her and jumped in beside her.

«Are you up for a proper date?» William flipped his hair back; without the hoodie, it constantly fell back into his eyes and she mustered a smirk when she helped him pull a few strands behind his ear.

«Where the other ones not proper dates?»

«Well, you refused to call them dates.»

«And what makes you think I’ll change my mind today?» Noora raised her chin and straightened her spine against the ridiculously soft leather seat.

«Oh good god.» he groaned and she giggled when he reached over to tickle her. «We’ll go and then you can decide what you wanna call it afterward, deal?»

«Deal» she grinned and let him pull her over the center console for a kiss.

Granted she was painfully aware of William’s disposition to do things that were more than just cliché and bordered on cheesy but he did it in such an endearing way, she couldn’t bring herself to dislike him for it - despite what she might tell herself and Eva. Still she had expected him to take her back to his apartment or even the cinema; after all fresh tulips and a surprise ‘date’ on her birthday seemed romantic enough.

Apparently, she had underestimated him. When he stopped the car after a ten-minute drive through downtown Oslo, the 80% glass building that was the Opera house loomed over them.

«Seriously?» she raised her eyebrows at him. This was maybe the most touristy spot in the whole country, gracing the back of basically all postcards titled ‘Oslo’. Though despite the cheesy undertone she couldn’t deny that it was breathtakingly beautiful.

William chuckled beside her and when they exited the car, there were only a handful people littered across the building with one or two dragging around big touristy cameras. Sunset was maybe half an hour away and pink and orange tones already reflected in the smooth water.

On instinct she meant to reach for his hand but found him occupied with carrying two blankets and a closed basket; so he offered her his arm instead and she threaded hers through his elbow.

The flats she had chosen this morning definitely weren’t the perfect gear for hiking up the opera house but the view from the top was worth her panting lungs and flushed cheeks. William put one blanket on the stone panels and motioned for her to sit while he busied himself with fiddling open the basket. He retrieved two thermos jugs and one small paper container for them each.

«This might really be the most cliché thing you could have done, and that’s saying something,» she said while William sat down next to her, close enough for their sides to bump together, and pulled the second blanket over their feet.

«I considered buying you 17 red roses.» his hand traced down her back again. «And a giant teddy bear.»

«I guess, you have a point.» she let her head fall against his chest. «Thank you!»

«Mhm,» he murmured and pulled her closer. His fingers were tracing her shoulder as he massaged the muscles beneath her skin. He brushed against the tops of her collarbones that peaked out under her shirt and then wandered up her throat placing kisses along the sensitive skin next to her pulse. Noora sighed and closed her eyes when he reached her chin. Despite the public location, his touch felt more intimate than the days before. Her skin flared at his touch and her lips craved his. Instead, his fingers teased the corners of her mouth before he placed a peck on the tip of her nose, which made her giggle and pinch his side in revenge.

He gave in and kissed her properly, shallowing the sighs that escaped her mouth. Heat blossomed in her belly and she felt her cheeks flush despite the mild spring breeze. Her finger found his scarp and pushed into his hair while pulled her closer and closer towards him until she practically sat in his lap. When she pulled away after feeling her lungs ache at the loss of oxygen, his eyes were glossed over and he meant to continue their kiss when she gently put her hand on his chest.

«First, hot cacao» Noora smirked and disentangled herself from his lap to reach for the two thermos jugs.

William groaned, flipped back his now tangled hair but took one of the bottles from her. He must have upped the cacao contents in his recipe because when she uncapped hers, the rich chocolate smell took her breath away for a moment. Under different circumstances, she might have waited for it to cool down but the setting sun was dragging the temperatures down with it and she was thankful for the heat spreading through her torso. When she looked up he was watching her intently and she gave him a kiss on the cheek. «It’s delicious!»

William, clearly pleased with her reaction, offered her a piece of dark chocolate cake from the paper box and took the other for himself. «I meant to buy you candles as well.»

«It’s okay. I think I’ve blown out enough candles for my next ten birthdays today.»

They ate and drank in silence after that and Noora found herself pressing closer to his chest as they watched a family with three little kids play on the incline. He rubbed her arms and made sure the blanket was tucked around them as the sun disappeared into the golden water. She hummed in content while he played with the ends of her hair. They watched the last flickers of light disappear and neither wanted to move from their position that currently was half a hug and half Noora sitting in his lap. When her fingers grew red and numb from the cold they reluctantly made their way back to his car.

During the drive to her apartment she had to repress the impulse to reach for his face again and instead she traced her finger up and down his free arm. He put the Porsche into park in front of the blue door and they eyed each other for a moment until he reached over to pull her close again. Noora hummed against his lips and decided that there was no superior feeling than kissing William after a cup of hot cocoa. His mouth tasted like the faint reminders of his mint gum and overwhelmingly like the baking chocolate powder he used for her hot cacaos.

It took several angry honks from the car behind his for them to pull apart and she left the car with the promise of calling him tomorrow. When she turned the key to their apartment Eskild was already holding a glass of sparkling wine, clearly more than ready for the next episode of Paradise Hotel. The tulips were put in a vase in her room under Eskild's scrutinizing eyes.

«Your lips are .. ehh a little smeared.» He laughed as Noora scrambled for a mirror to examine her swollen lips and properly tousled hair. William seemingly had a very adverse effect on her usually perfectly put together appearance.

Noora: Thank you for today, you were right it was a proper date!

William: I’m glad, talk tomorrow, good night birthday girl x

#noorhelm #Skam #noora sætre #william magnusson #noora x william #william x noora #noorhelm fic #skam fic #birthday fic #gratulerer med dagen Noora

[thedovahcat]

BOMB DIGGITY 2017 END

I bet we’re all fucking glad that’s over with. BELIEVE ME, it was a rough start, with BOTH my cats passing on within 2 months of each other in January and March.

And then with the new babys Riley and Tato in April, a good recovery. NOW THEY’RE HUGE.

And work’s been rough but it’s been pretty good overall. Did my first year there, everyone’s pretty happy with me (aka upper management) so that’s good too :D

And I’m still trying to branch out more and talk to other people so I’m not bogging down the same friends SO MUCH NOT THAT I’M SAYING I DO BUT YOU KNOW I NEED TO…IT’S GOOD TO BRANCH OUT. Especially when you’re me and just are like…on GOGOGOGOGOGOGO mode all the time and not everyone can keep up. SO THAT’S MORE A ME ISSUE.

For 2018? I can’t really figure out what I wanna do that’s different, uh. I just wanna survive the year I guess haha. The rest I will play by ear.

ANYWAY THAT’s NOT WHAT I WANTED TO DO. I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT HOW SUPERTASTIC ALL MY FRIENDS ARE FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME.

FIRST THINGS FIRST _________

@sparrowhaven​

IT’S BEEN…FUCK, HAS IT ALMOST BEEN OR ALREADY BEEN 10 YEARS LIKE JESUS CHRIST. We’re still friends and still yapping about things even though I fade in and out with communication cuz just juggling people you know how that goes. BUT I’M GLAD I’M GETTING BACK ON TRACK AND BUGGING YOU MORE NOW. YOU’RE SO GREAT <333 BEST OLDER SISTER I NEVER HAD. Gonna probably yell at you in another ten years on a different social media platform maybe but HAHA MAN REALLY JUST, THANKS FOR STICKING AROUND SO LONG THROUGH LITERALLY EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN and ALL the stuff we’ve come up with over the years fictional and whatnot. I WISH I COULD DO MORE FOR YOU so I’m just gonna spoil you more instead.

@clockworkpriest​

ME BEST MATE, BOY YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH…TOO, TOO MUCH OF MY BULLSHIT AS WELL and you’ve stayed for the long haul which I AM SO GLAD FOR. Even if shit got really bad we still managed to swing out of it and rocket back up, even if it was slowly so FUCK MAN JUST I hardly ever meet anybody like that. I’m so glad. AND I’M SO GLAD FOR ALL THE STUFF we’ve made together too and how it’s still going and changing and OGH THERE WILL BE MORE AHEAD. SO MUCH MORE. I gotcho back you got mine, HERE’s TO SOME MORE YEARS, because I DOUBT anything could really break that at THIS point. 20-FUCKING 11. Gonna be going on 7 years next year WOW. WHAT A TRIP <333

_________

GUILDIES

@scoobydew4u​ @chocolatebunnycake​

HEYHEY HEY WE STILL TALK AND I STILL LOVE THAT, also ran into you guys in 2011 and FUCK WE’RE ALL STILL ALIVE. WE’VE SURVIVED. I’M SO GLAD. There’ve been a couple times where we dropped communication cuz we all started to move on to other games, but I’m happy we’re all back together again on discord! And don’t have to rely on WoW for chats anymore! ;U; you two are great~ Good good friends! And HOPEFULLY THAT WILL CONTINUE well into the future and we’ll keep on playin more stuff together with everybody. Hell hopefully we’ll all find a game that holds us as much as WoW did back in the day, …BUT IN CASE NOT, STILL FUN. STILL GOOD. YALL ARE AWSOME <33

_________

MY STAR WARS BUDDYS

@pyxuspie​ @lychgate​ @omsparkles​​ @corvusyn​​ @oneangrykorbles​

YA’LL ARE SOME GREAT LIL STINKERS AND I LOVE PLAYING STAR WARS WITH YOU GUYS and talking in general. We’ve made lots of great fun within the recent months and  damn damn damn I can’t wait for more fuckin fictional drama. MY NEED FOR THE WAR IN THE STARS HAS BEEN SATED QUITE HEAVILY AND I AM PLEASED. I’m glad I overcame my initial shyness and accepted the invite into the group C: cuz it was totally worth it~

_________

WILDSTAR BUDDIES

@techr0n​ @badaxefamily​​ @pyra-mugetsu @juicepacket

Ya’ll have been through some of my hot shit as WELL BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?? Despite all, we all do still get along and chat here and there and I’m glad to have found the Heroes group when I did at all <33 IT STILL KEEPS MY SPARK for wildstar burning despite how downhill things have gotten on that front, and you guys are all super awsome too and fun to hang out with whenever we decide to~ I GET MY HEAPIN DOSE OF DARK SOULS (ran), of TRANSFORMERS AND ARK and OTHER MISC. AND CAT KNOWLEDGE (mei), AND SILLINESS AND SHARED SALT HEH. But yes if I WENT BACK and had to do this all over again just to meet ya guys I totally would~

_________

Those are the top puppies, aka who I talk to now and I love each and every one of you C: And I’m glad we’re good friends~ So here’s hopefully to a slightly less shitty 2018! And if it ends up even WORSE than these last couple of ones then we’ll just huddle up like a bunch of penguins and tough our way through it like we have before.

Happy-we’ll-see-New Year 2018!!!

#long post

[ladyloveandjustice]

Wisdom and War: An Athena Cykes Mix

Art given to me by the amazing @diloolie​

And charge in head on/ I will be your shield/Go ahead and release the goddess inside you!/(In every star, in ever moon, in every vena, there lives Athena)

A mix for Athena Cykes, a revolutionary girl who outshines the moon.

1. ATHENA| CircusP + CrusherP//2. They Know My Name| Big Little Lions//3. Goodnight Little Robot Child| Princess Chelsea//4. Little Me| Little Mix//5. Yellow Halo| Goldfrapp//6. Hope on Fire|Vienna Teng//7. Akatsuki no Hana (Flower of the Dawn) English Cover|Saki//8. Bravado (Cover)| Rebecca Brady//9. Me Against the World| Superchick//10.Give a Reason| Megumi Hayashibara//11.Dakara Hitori Ja Nai (That’s Why I’m Not Alone) English Cover| Amanda Lee//12. One Girl Revolution| Superchick//13. See Me Now| Little Mix//14. Odd Future (English Cover)| Amanda Lee//15. Everything at Once| Lenka//16. The Prayer (Cover)|K.T. Tunstall//17. Peace Sign (English Cover)| Jubyphonic//18. Voice of the Heart| Diana Ross//19. I’m a Believer (English Cover)| Amanda Lee//20. Young Volcanoes (Cover)|Tiffany Alvord//21. Sora Ni Utaeba (If I Could Sing in the Sky) (English Cover)| Amanda Lee//22. Sunadokei (Hourglass)| Megumi Hayashibara//23. Courtoom Revolutionaire (Vocal Version)| Adriana Figueroa

Play on Playmoss

Play on 8tracks

Finishing replaying Dual Destinies and getting some amazing art from diloolie inspired me to finally make an Athena mix! I may have gotten...a bit carried away. Can u believe I was worried about not finding enough songs...ANYWAY. Even if you don’t know Ace Attorney, this makes for a great kick-butt mix to get you motivated (save for a couple subdued sad songs at the beginning).It’s a mix that pretty much screams “LET’S DO THIS!” as Athena would say.

Lyrics, annotations and translations under the cut!

Athena- PRETTY SELF EXPLANATORY. I was so pumped to discover this song at the last minute. I was actually alerted to it thanks to a sweet Athena amv that came up in my youtube suggestions- check it. 

The moment is right/So don't wait/Get ready to fight/When I say/Break free of the chains/That hold you back/React. And plan your attack

Brace yourself and run into the battlefield/Move on/Don't falter/Plan your pursuit/And charge on and head on I will be your shield /Go on/Release the goddess inside you In every star/In every moon /In every vena/There lives Athena

They Know My Name- a song for Athena’s trauma and PTSD. It also fits for how she can get overwhelmed hearing everyone’s emotions.

Her panic attacks being highly visible- can also refer to how Widget tends to recite her thoughts:

All of my noise in the air/My thoughts can be seen from everywhere

Panic attacks, PTSD:

These wars that I fight from within/I don't know where they end and I begin I try/ I try to calm them down/But these thoughts they keep spinning/Round and round, round and round/These monsters are hiding within my brain/They roar and they shout and they know my name

Goodnight Little Robot Child- Young Athena, living in the space center among robots, unable to tell the difference between them and humans

Goodnight little robot child/Close your eyes go to sleep tight/ little robot child/Starmans waiting for/You've been running around with your robot friends/And your battery's feeling so low

Little Me- Athena looking back on her younger self. "I was a shaking and scared little girl, small and ineffectual.... Even after I went to live with my relatives in Europe, I stayed closed up in my shell. “

Voice so quiet you don't hear a word/Always talking but she can't be heard/You can see it there if you catch her eye/I know she's brave but it's trapped inside/Scared to talk but she don't know why

Wish I knew back then/What I know now/Wish I could somehow Go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice/I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out/Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder

Yellow Halo- Athena dealing with the death of her mother. I consider this to be from Metis’s POV in a way. This song is actually about dealing with the loss of a mother, so it fits really well.

Metis dying:

I rose to the moon, Wearing all white

Metis wears a “yellow halo” now, and those colors are  passed on to Athena Athena wears yellow, shining brightly and kindly:

Yellow halo/all your colors/yellow halo/for a queen/yellow halo/bequeathed

Metis lives on through Athena, who carries on her legacy, wearing the moon earring her mother made for her and bringing hope to everyone:

Seasons change/the moon’s still here/dawn breaks endlessly

Hope on Fire: Athena making her vow to be heard and to save Simon, no matter what the cost (yes i know i use this song a lot in mixes, IT’S A GREAT SONG OKAY) “That’s because one day, I came to realize that I had to fight. I couldn’t give up"

gotta fight gotta strike/'cause there's no turning away/from what you don't want to know/

ooh you're gonna make your mark this time/ooh you're gonna set your hope on fire/gotta leave gotta bleed/you've gotta stop lying still/'cause this is no kind of life

we're coming closer now to the truth

Akatsuki no Hana: "I couldn’t give up. I exercised hard and I studied hard. I wanted to become the strongest lawyer I could be.”

I’ll tear the doubt out of my mind/because with the strength inside me/I’ll leave the girl I was behind

Breaking through to the sky with the strength to survive/feel the dawn break through toy your heart/Chasing the skies, I’ll find a brighter day/Tear through the lies/I’m who I wanna be/you won’t take my courage away

Bravado: “What was Athena like as a child? ”She didn’t talk very much” “That’s completely different from the Athena we know now!” "I was so surprised! She was like a completely different person, so cheerful and happy!”

All my life, I've been fighting a war/I can't talk to you or your friends/It's not only you/My heart jumps around when I'm alluded to/This will not do

But when you're withdrawn, it's the closest thing to assault when all eyes are on you/This will not do/I'm faking glory/Lick my lips, toss my hair/And turn the smile on/And the story's brand new/But I can take it from here/I'll find my own bravado

Me Against the World- Athena refusing to give up on Simon even as he’s all obstinate and ready to change the courtroom

okay, with this line how could I resist:

Simon says to pack it up

Even the LA references work if you consider Japanifornia (though honestly I can never think of AA as actually taking place in LA...just a weird alternate Japan where everyone has english names. BUT I DIGRESS)

They said don't try to change the world/You're just a girl/So it's me against the world today/I'm gonna do it my own way/And though nobody understands/I'm gonna make a one girl stand

Give a Reason- full translation here.  Lyrics also in the playmoss vid. Very fitting for Athena, who charges ahead and looks for answers

There's an "answer" somewhere for sure /The answer for why we were born/.../I'm not afraid of getting hurt!/But I'm not strong in any way for feeling that /Simply, I just can’t do nothing/I don't wanna be regretting myself! /Here we go! go! I'll keep running /I won't be stopped by anybody!

Dakara: My Hero Academia and Athena go together so well.

 “I didn’t have anybody to support me at first, either. I couldn’t face the fear inside me, couldn’t get over the trauma of my past. “ 

“ It sure feels nice to be part of a great group like this! I just want to say I really love working here with all you fabulous people!”   

How come I am the only one to always face a hurricane?/Back then I used to think it all so meaningless (was so alone)/But everything began to change

Again we’re crying but trying/To prove we can overcome it/I know that we’ll rise above it each and every time/(Everything will be fine!)/I’ll reach for your hand,Yeah, my friend,You are not alone this time

One Girl Revolution- The courtroom Revolutionaire! “Let’s revolutionize this stodgy institution!”

And I'll be everything that I want to be/I am confidence in insecurity/I am a voice yet waiting to be heard/I'll shoot the shot /Bang/That you hear round the world/And I'm a one girl revolution

See Me Now- “ Then that’s a win for me– No, a win for analytical psychology! “

That I've been hesitating so long, so long/Somebody turn out the light./Cause right now must be my time to shine/They said I couldn't, they told me that I wouldn't/But if they could see me now/They'd see I'm something, that I'm not scared of nothing/And the world will hear me shout

Odd Future

You love the contradiction shaking you/even when you fall take one step/you can breath again in one step/.../shaking off the rust in your soul/gotta rise from a dark history/.../but today I opened up my eyes and I feel alive

Everything at Once- In the DLC, Athena said she wanted to be strong enough to fight a whale, and suddenly I realized this was perfect for her. She dreams big and wants to be everything and I love her.

As pretty as a picture hanging from a fixture/Strong like a family, strong as I wanna be/Bright as day, as light as play/As hard as nails, as grand as a whale/All I wanna be, all I wanna be, oh/All I wanna be is everything

The Prayer- “Why do you turn everything into a competition?” Athena’s go getter competitiveness is everything.

Let me outshine the moon/Is it so wrong to crave recognition?/Second best, runner-up/Is it so wrong to want rewarding?/To want more than is given to you?

Tonight make me unstoppable/And I will charm, I will slice/I will dazzle them with my wit

Peace sign- “She flashed a peace sign at me. “Congratulations on your acquittal,” she said. [...]But I saw her eyes. They were red and swollen from crying. She’s gotta be suffering! She must be so worried! And yet she went out of her way to be nice and give me that big smile!”

Although your eyes are red, you’ll never cry again/ no I’ll be the smile that you need and I won’t go/Theme to be a hero, just remember to sing/Say goodbye and I’ll leave with a peace sign

Voice of the heart- “Let me hear the voice of you heart!”

If you listen long enough/If you dream it strong enough/A door inside will open/And a light will flood the dark/Like a song too long unsung/Or a soul forever young/We all will find an answer/In the voice of the heart

I’m a Believer- Athena charging ahead with people cheering her on ‘"It’s not over yet, Thena. Even now at this very moment, I still believe in you! I know you better than most people, Thena. And I know you’d never surrender to the dark age of the law ”

It’s not easy to keep going – motivation’s running thin/I know my dream’s unrealistic … No, I don’t need reminding/In these moments, under pressure, when you feel it closing in/You’re the one - be the one to believe in

I keep searching for an answer/But I can’t keep it together Does anybody know what path I should take?/I won’t hesitate/Because this dream that I’ll create, it cannot be misguided/By simple regret, and thoughts of “what if”/So, I’ll take my next step, but if you were to cheer me on,I’d soar beyond that boundary

Young Volcanoes- “Well, nobody's going to try harder than me! So you'd better watch out, Apollo! Simon is free, thanks to Mr. Wright... ...but there are so many more people out there who need our help!”

Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds/It's all over now/Before it has begun/We've already won/We are wild/We are like young volcanoes

Sora ni- Look, Athena and MHA just really go well together. I was always telling you guys sh’s part shonen hero part magical girl. 

“Well, I knew that if I didn’t get your sentence overturned fast, you’d be executed! So I studied and studied. I was frantic! I’m so glad I made it in time! ………… Just barely… but I still made it! “ 

Every time you cry/Make it so It only makes you stronger/Cut straight through the illusion/And soar from the confusion/To a Blue-Sky Revolution/Can't forsake the future when it's this bright/So give the fight/All your might

Sunadokei: translation here. “Thatta girl, Athena. It’s good to see you finally let your tears out. “

I just continue on living /Questioning its meaning... /A correct answer just doesn't exist /So I just raise my head and keep walking

Resignation without restraint, memories/If you regret it and cry, that is fine /But even so, the tomorrow that is created will /Overflow with merciless love/.../Turn those broken tears into strength

Courtroom revolutionaire- obviously.

#athena cykes #ace attorney #my fanmix #fanmix #kizuki kokone #kokone kizuki #playmoss

[someobscurereference]

oh ok so fun fact! u totally have multiple fe anons now! XD theres def at least 2 of us, maybe more tho. im NOT the anon from the last ask, but dragons gate idea! holy shit. this is the Dream Scenario, tell me more. like i think the trio would be way more comfy staying knowing they could visit home whenever they wanted. how do encounters with the other future kids go? i imagine that tho they bicker they actually care about one another quite a bit? do the royal sibs get shovel talked?

Multiple!!! Anons!! I guess I’ve been suspecting that for a bit now but it’s finally been #confirmed and I’m still as surprised as if it were day one, lol. I’ve been addressing some asks as though they’re all from the same anon when they’re probably not. Whoops! At least I can be more careful from here on out ;)

Dragon’s Gate Scenario (where the timelines between Nohr and Ylisse actually match up) is best scenario because allowing the Trio to visit their family and and friends without leaving Nohr behind makes my heart warm and happy. I agree that they’d be wayyyy more comfy with this ability.  (Also buckle up bc we’re about to talk about some timeline stuff right here)

I’m pretty convinced most the fe13 crew thinks the Awakening Trio is dead by now, tbh. Which makes me so sad!!! And I don’t want it to be true!! But from what it seems, Anankos showed up right when all the future kids were gonna split ways and was like “please save my kingdom” and threw a paper with where to meet (probably wraped around a brick or something and it nearly hits Inigo, lmao) and then he left. So Owain, Inigo, and Severa go off to check it out, but?? They probably didn’t except to be gone for literal years? Because it’s definitely been years. 

I think Selena makes some comment that implies she remembers Corrin as a young child but that feels a little too long for me/they still look pretty young in-game, so to me, the Trio has probably been in Nohr for like five (5) years or so? That’s just personal opinion. That number can change, but it’s for sure been years.

When they meet, Anankos is pretty explicit about the fact if they’re going to help him, they have to leave Right Now. No time to send a letter or say goodbye or anything. Instant decision. And the Trio makes the mythical heroic one, the sacrificial one, but at what cost?

It takes a month to travel from Yllise to the meeting place, so all the parents were probably expecting to hear back from their future kids after like a month. And then they… didn’t. 

Some of them probably keep hope. Lissa insists that she’d know if her son were gone, she’d feel it, and most believe that she thinks so but Maribelle knows she worries. And with how close Maribelle and Lissa are, Owain and Brady probably grew up together, practically brothers, and Brady’s doubts eat at him like a black hole and he cries practically every time he thinks about it, about the letters he’s never gotten, about the travels they didn’t get to have together now that the war was over, and Owain’s dead, probably, because of something stupid or heroic or both and Brady wasn’t even there to heal him, couldn’t even do that, so useless and—

Sometimes Cynthia sits with him and doesn’t try to cheer him up when he blubbers and at least once she mentions that they aren’t her kinds of heroes, but Owain always liked the type that showed up at the very last second. She’s kinda hoping he’ll still jump out at some point. Who knew being a lone hero was so lonely? She doesn’t say anything after that, and then Brady’s all out of tears. 

Olivia practices dances that require two people and waits for her grown son to come home, knowing he probably won’t. Her baby isn’t big enough to dance yet, and that’s amazing and she loves this little bundle of joy and the future she’s going to have with him that another version of her didn’t reach, but she still misses Inigo. Gerome wanted to live a life of solitude with Minerva and the other wyverns and he got it. He sees the other kids the least out of anyone and he knows better than to expect anything good out of the world even with the cruelest future averted, but even he sometimes catches himself staring at his open palm, trying to remember how Inigo’s hand felt in his own when the fool was trying to convince Gerome to come back in time, please, and then when Gerome relented, in the new world Inigo was always pawing at him anyway to come visit these women or that event and— 

Gerome has been stuck in the past long enough. He has to look ahead. His hand aches. 

Noire was friends with Inigo and Sevena both, and maybe she had a crush on both of them, maybe. Or at least the potential for a crush. Or something adjacent to one. She loved them both so fiercely, the way only dying things loved (because they were all doomed from the start up until they weren’t), and at some point it didn’t matter if she teetered on the edge of romance or not, she loved them. Inigo always flirted with every girl under the sun but her, but it never mattered because in the end she always worried over him anyway. He never learned. And she misses the way Severa would fuss over her too. Sometimes she still wakes up in the night and wishes Severa were there to guide her, even though she’s long since past any need for hand-holding or fussing. She still wants it. 

(Sometimes she makes a cake and wonders what Owain would have named it. The sugar always tastes sour those days.)

Cordelia knows better than anyone how greedy war can be, what it can take within seconds. The problem with that is that the war is supposed to be over, but she seems to have lost her daughter anyway. She’s broken her promise never to leave her daughter alone again. Maybe it’s fate; maybe Cordelia is always meant to be the lone survivor. She wishes a lot of things. 

Kjelle hasn’t touched makeup since the time Severa tried to teach it to her and she forgot more important things, like how to hold a shield. Sometimes she catches herself staring at the lines of kohl on other girl’s faces and wondering what Severa would have thought, though. Usually that leads to chopping wood and practicing stances for hours on end until she can’t feel her fingers anymore. Kjelle’s never been much for words or contemplation outside the material—what would this move do against that one, is her armor the proper weight still—but she catches herself wondering what Severa would say about trinkets in the store windows more often than she would like. Laurent and Severa have always been opposits, but it worked, somehow, for them, even if it led to bickering more often than not. She forced him out of his comfort zone, and he tempered her, or so he thought. Perhaps Severa would have matured naturally with age. Laurent can come up with a thousand hypotheses now, but he’s never going to know the truth. Not anymore.

And it’s not just them, it’s everyone. It’s Nah missing chasing Inigo around when she got mad at him, though she didn’t really mean it. It’s Yarne missing Severa’s perseverance, her constant push at him to do better. It’s Lucina missing her cousin, who she always admired with the imagination she didn’t quite have and the bravery she shared with him. It’s everyone. They all miss each other in a hundred different ways, and the Trio misses them and home like a drowning man whose adapted to the ocean but can still taste the salt. 

—

Uhhhh, that got sad, but anyway!! You’d bet everyone would be ECSTATIC  to find Owain/Severa/Inigo alive and well. There would be many a tear. Kjelle would probably punch something. Brady would try to yell at them but he’d be sobbing too hard to actually say anything. Nah would roar with all the power of the dragon she is, and everyone’s parents would hold them hard and not want to let go. Lucina would beam and Gerome would let go of the little string of tension that had been wrapped around his heart for the past few years and Laurent would have to compose himself and Cynthia would be doing flips, and you know there’d be so much yelling. So much. The story would have to come out in bits and pieces because they’d constantly be interrupting one another, on both sides. 

I’ve definitely been focusing on the sadder parts of this idea and not the happier ones, so while this answer is getting long, let me try to fix that real fast. 

There’s guaranteed to be a lot of fussing over the Trio, who are now like 5 years older than when they last left and maybe? possibly? still disguised with Anankos’ magic? Maybe also that vanishes when they step through the Gate. Unknown. What is also guaranteed, however, is how much fussing the Nohrians get when visiting officially as a mixed group of royals and the Trio’s BFs/GFs.

Xander charms the pants of Olivia, hands down. He’s genuine and kind and charming, and when his back is turned, Olivia looks at her son and blushes because hot damn. Inigo picked a catch.  Inigo sees her look and wants to sink into the floor, but she’s not wrong. Also he feels 12 all over again. Olivia offers to dance for him and Inigo wants to join in and he also wants to watch and he’s also too shy to want to dance in front of anybody, even just Xander and his mom, and it makes for an interesting visit for sure. 

Leo passes Aunt/Other Mother Maribelle’s Scrutiny Test, but Niles, for all the effort he’s putting in to make a good impression, probably doesn’t. Owain insists Niles isn’t really that bad, he’s loyal like nothing else, and that’s at least a benefit in Maribelle’s book. She’s still suspicious of his seemingly shady character and all the effort he’s putting into looking good for her (because the fact he has to put in effort at all is suspicious to her, and it would have been suspicious if he were a prince or a farmer or anything other than a thief turned royal retainer. The only reason she can’t pin anything on Leo is because he keeps pulling out obscure knowledge to answer all her probing questions and has only the utmost manners. She’s waiting for him to make a cultural faux pas), but Owain is grown now. He can make his own decisions.  Besides, if Lissa isn’t complaining, she can’t either. Lissa loves Niles and Leo both. Lissa maybe catches them unawares with the old “bucket of frogs over the doorway” trick, though. She hasn’t changed. 

Cordelia’s happy to meet whoever her daughter loves, so long as they give Severa the love she deserves and pretty obviously craves. Not that Cordelia can talk, since she’s been absent from Severa’s life long enough too. She just worries like any normal mother. That Beruka girl is a little stony, but Camilla seems to have enough love for the both of them combined, even if she is a little intimidating too. Cordelia is mostly satisfied. She tries to keep her back straight when they’re looking at her, though. She’s never been one to be intimidated, but she wonders how Severa’s been faring in the seemingly dark land of Nohr. Well, if Severa has people she cares about there, she figures her daughter must be doing pretty well. 

(P.S. I can do more specific reactions if there was something you had in mind! I’m not sure anyone would give a Shovel Talk because I’m not too much a fan of that trope? I feel like it disregards the agency of whoever the Talker is trying to “protect”. I’d say Kjelle might give one, but she might just end up admiring Camilla’s muscles instead. Henry might (for whoever you picture him the father of), albeit unintentionally. I think it’s canon Henry would do Literally Anything asked of him for those he loves, so I can see that fact slipping pretty easily into conversation, even accidentally.

The one most likely to intentionally pull a Shovel Talk move is Noire, probably. Against Xander, even though she likes Xander. Because Inigo never really did learn in the army, and she doesn’t know if Laslow’s learned anything yet. Probably not.)

tl;dr the Kids all Love each other So Much. They grew up together in a destroyed world and at the end of the day, they all know they always have each other, and the Trio being missing is like a hole in their hearts even when the rest of the fe13 kid cast are all on their separate travels

#my text #asks #fe13 #fe14 #long post #character death mention #this was longer and sadder than i expected but i promise i always write happy ends in the end

[hopelesscobwebs]

92 Asks Game!

I’m finally doing this. I thought it would be fun and i’m bored af so here we go:

Tagged by: @just-a-crazy-nerd love you <3

LAST

1) Drink: Water (gotta stay hydrated y’all)

2) Phone call: My Dad.

3) Text message: “My legs are dead. All I wanna do is sleep but I have to do music homework” to my friend like a week ago (I don’t text much lmao).

4) Song listened to: Sumertime, By My Chemical Romance

5) Time you cried: Maybe 2 days ago? (I was really sad over MCR), but the last time I really, like really cried was maybe last week.

HAVE YOU EVER

6) Dated somebody twice: ahaha twice? You’re so funny. I haven’t dated someone once...

7) Been cheated on: My cat once slept on my sisters bed instead of mine so that counts.

8) Kissed someone and regretted it: What don’t you get about FOREVER ALONE HERE.

9) Lost someone special: Perhaps, It kinda depends really what you count as “lost”. But yeah, unfortunately.

10) Been depressed: I have been in dark mindsets a lot lately.

11) Gotten drunk and puked: Never been drunk before (I am so cool like that)

THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS

12) Probably Blue, But to narrow it down: Teal

13) Rich purple

14) Probably black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15) Made new friends: Tons (ilysm guys)

16) Fallen out of love: no (kinda yes... but William doesn’t count)

17) Laughed until you cried: Yes, Yesterday (we were bottle flipping and then someone made a seal noise, don’t even get me started)

18) Found out someone was gossiping about you: Hopefully not, there’s not much to gossip about when it comes to me.

19) Met someone who changed your life: If Discovering MCR counts... then yes.

20) Found out who your true friends are: *Ahem*... yes...

21) Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Haha this list of asks is so funny. what don’t you get about NOT BEEN KISSED EVER... *cries*

HOW MANY/MUCH

22) Facebook friends: like almost 400? idek. (I know them all in person btw, i’m not one of those weirdos that just friends anybody). I barely use FB tbh

23) Pets: oh boy.... I have 6 cats guys... thats right, you can call me the crazy cat lady.

24) Want to change your name: My last name yes. Quick, somebody marry me

WHAT

25) Did I get for my birthday: A Spongebob birthday cake, a Vampire Diaries pillow, depression  um what... I got to eat all my fave foods in one day, that was pretty special even though i threw up at the end of it

26) Time I woke up: like 9:30?

27) Were you doing at midnight: Watching Frerard video edits...

28) Can’t you wait for: FOR ME TO ORDER MCR MERCH AS A TRIBUTE ON MARCH 22 *cries and dies*

29) Was the last time you saw your mom: like 4 hours ago.

30) Was something you wish you could change about your life: I sometimes wish I was born 10 years earlier but then I remember... there’d be no quality memes for a long time...

31) Are you listening to right now: MCR, what else honestly...

32) Gets on your nerves: When people make up those shitty things like “ UR NOT A TRUE FAN UNLESS YOU HAVE THIS OR DO THIS BLAH BLAH” like stfu, I am a fan in my own way. Racists, Homophobes, just basically anyone who thinks they have the right to tell you not to be yourself, like seriously, fuck off.

33) Talked to a person named Tom: My cat is called Tom, so that counts.

34) Is your most visited website: Tumblr, no doubt (or YouTube or guitar tabs, or Putlocker lets be honest)

35) Elementary school/primary school: I can’t even remember tbh and I ain’t tellin you

36) High School: The one I’m at now. Ha, got ya

37) College: n o , I am too young, gosh

38) Hair colour: Brown/ Blonde (streaks, naturally from sun lmao)

39) Long/short hair: I just cut it all off this year. Think 1920′s hair and that’s me.

40) Crush: There’s a cute guy in my chem class but that’s about it #foreveralone

41) Do you like about yourself: My final wakeup call of music interests. I used to be so shallow in that department. Um.... I guess I like the fact that I get on better with older people (I skipped a year at school so all my classmates are a year older anyways) idek. There’s not really much to like.

42) Piercings: 1 on each ear (i’m thinking of getting a second set) But I barely wear earrings tbh

43) Blood type: Idk, it would be cool to know tho

44) Nickname: Some of my friends call me Em but barely. Emy / Emz by family (if any of you call me that, it’ll be weird lmao) PLEASE START A TREND...CALL ME EM

45) Relationship status: single as a pringle and not ready to mingle please i have anxiety *daydreams about meeting perfect boy*

46) Zodiac: Scorpio yeah boi

47) Pronouns: she/her

48) Favourite show: Supernatural, Miraculous Ladybug (don’t call me a kid for watching it I swear I’ll end u ahaha), Rick and Morty, The Vampire Diaries... I could go on for days

49) Tattoos: I always think they’re a cool concept but i’d probably chicken out at the last minute, so no

50) Left or right handed: right

FIRST

51) Surgery: I got a tooth removed quite a few years back, I went under genral anaesthetic and everything.

52) Piercings: Ears

53) Best friend: Gabby, We don’t talk anymore sadly but I still love her <3

54) Sport: Ummm well i’ve always loved badminton but i’ve never taken a serious sport class before lmao

55) Vacation: I’m pretty sure it was to Melbourne, Australia, We saw some really cool outdoor art and went to see Wicked at some theater, that’s all I remember.

56) Pair of shoes: Say wat?

RIGHT NOW

57) Eating: I wish I was eating

58) Drinking: the dead souls of my enemies wait what

59) I am about to: Rearrange my sitting position and continue to write this long ass ask thing.

60) Listening to: The End, My Chemical Romance

61) Waiting for: My sis to get home so I can use her credit card to buy MCR merch, no really, this is the truth. I n e e ed it

62) Want to see: MCR get back together in 2019 for at least a reunion song or SOMETHING PLEASE. Also, a Panic! concert because I missed the last one in my country. ALSO a Supernatural Convention

63) Want to get married: Well it would be nice, gotta find a guy first, there’s the hard part

64) Career: I never know... I like to think that my dream is to be in a band but that aint ever gonna happen. I really wanna do something that can help people idek.

WHICH IS BETTER

65) Hugs/kisses: Well i’ve never kissed anyone and I lOvE HuGs, THEY ARE JUST SO NICE, LIKE AHHH GIMME UR LOVE, GIMME HUUUGGSSS. If I ever meet any of you in person, I’ll be really shy, but know deep down that all I wanna do is HUG YOU SNDKJGSND.

66) Lips/eyes: Eyes hold secrets, I love them

67) Taller/shorter: gimme da toll peeps, But I love the smol beans too

68) Younger/older: It depends

69) Romantic/spontaneous: probably spontaneous just to keep me on my toes.

70) Nice arms/nice stomach: um wat? idek i dont pay attention to that

71) Sensitive/loud: Sensitive

72) Hookup/relationship: Relationship definitely 

73) Troublemaker/hesitant: Hesitant alien

HAVE YOU EVER

74) Kissed a stranger: W h A t  D o N t   Y o U   g E t   A b O u T  i T... I AINT KISSED NOBODY BEFORE. gosh, way to rub it in *cries*

75) Drank hard liquor: well. i’ve tried some heavy stuff before but it was a sip and I spat it out coz it literally tasted like p o i s o n. Alcohol is so gross

76) Lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t need glasses

77) Turned someone down: ??? There hasn’t been anyone to turn down god damnit

78) Canoodling on a first date: They gotta earn that, so no

79) Broken someone’s heart: I sure as hell hope not.

80) Had your own heart broken: mcr breaks my heart E V E R Y GOD DAMN DAY

81) Been arrested: no, I am a good gal

82) Cried when someone died: yes, my grandmother

83) Fallen for a friend: Oh boy, yesyesyes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84) Yourself: Not really, but I want to.

85) Miracles: I wish for them but I don’t really think they occur

86) Santa Claus: No, I actually never believed in him when I think about it

87) Kisses on a first date: YAS when it’s been all perfect and he walks ya up to your door ABJISLBHDLBHLA

88) Angels: um... Castiel???

89) Love at first sight: Yes but not like first sight, more like first discussion, when you can instantly click with someone in that first moment idk.

OTHER

90) Best friend’s name: Can I just list all my tumblr friends names? Because YOU GUYS ARE ACTUALLY ALL MY FAVES, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU <3

91) Eye color: Grey Blue

92) Favourite movie: idek there are so many but: The Abduction Club, is one of my faves, Singin’ in the Rain, Sing Street, and that’s all that’s coming to mind atm.

I tag: (all my BEAUTIFUL AMAZING tumblr frens I mentioned before) @omg-i-cannot-even @shipsareamazing123 @mychemicalchinchilla @potterlock5ever @immacrazyfangirl @trashholeofshittybandstuff @shadowgirl077 @that-awkward-fangirl @lizbeth-loves-bobear @anyone i forgot and anyone who wants to do it! go ahead! <3

#asks game #i tag you #tags #tag game #frens #questions #yay #92 asks game! #i love you all so much

[gone-girlllllll]

WHY

I question why I have this bursting anger inside of me yet when it’s late and I’m doing nothing but thinking and my mind crosses to my mum and yet of course my brother.

I feel like this profile is a way I can actually get my feelings out when I have no other place to turn to. I don’t want to ambush people with these horrible thoughts, nobody will understand.

IM SO ANGRY.

After my older brother killed himself when he was 18, my life basically was starting. I got to about 10 and my mum finally told me what had happened to him and since about 15 all I’ve been doing is thinking of it. I’m sorry I can’t really remember you and I’m sorry I’m angry at you and I’m sorry I don’t understand why you did it.

But I just can’t help but think IF ONLY YOU saw the consequence from that one action u made at the age of 18, 18! I’m 18 and I don’t know how anyone could ever make a drastic decision like that, how does someone so young believe that the only way out of sadness or a tough time in life is to take their own.

HOW SELFISH, n yet again I’m sorry for saying that. I feel so guilty I think this way and I know that if anybody ever in my family seen this they’d hate me and think I’m a bad person and maybe I am but in my eyes so are you.

You have no idea the shitness you’ve brought to this family, the hurt. Why couldn’t you of just kept your head up, WAITED. Time heals everything, well they say, but with mum clearly not. But in my eyes I believe it can if you’re willing to try and if you’re strong enough to let it. Don’t dwell, move on?

If you’d only of waited or spoke to someone, someone could of opened your eyes to what the world could of gave you. What I could of. I wish I was old enough to see your hurt, I mean I was only 3. I only I was at this point I am now, I could of helped. I wish I did and I’m sorry for that. IM SORRY THAT SOMETHING SO SHIT MADE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAD TO LEAVE. Leave everything, the world, life, family, friends but most importantly right now MUM.

I can’t stop crying at these stupid thoughts but I can’t get them out of my head. Suicide is shit and horrible but don’t get me wrong I’ve thought about it before too but that was me being a stupid child. I grew out of it and I wish you would of too.

I want to know what possessed you to do it, why. What could of ever killed your kind, loving heart. Mum told me how amazing you were with me and everyone that knew you talks about you to me with kind words so why. HOW DID NOBODY notice? How did you hide it so well? Why didn’t you talk to anybody? Maybe you did, if so who? Why didn’t they stop you? WHY DID NOBODY TELL YOU HOW AMAZING THIS WORLD COULD BE if only you let it?

This hurts me to write all this but at this moment I don’t know what else to do or rely on. I have this anger inside of me where I want to scream, hit things but I can’t. It’s 12pm and I can’t get you or mum out of my brain.

In my eyes, because of you when I think of mum I get angry. It angers me she doesn’t do things normal mums should do. I get she gives me the WORLD in the sense of giving through £££ or cleaning, or doing things for me. Which is probably only to waste more time of her days. I personally think she’s counting down the days until she’s dead herself. She told me herself she might as well be dead years ago, that’s never left my head either. What mum would ever say that to her young child, and I also think YOU caused that.

Selfish teenage boy, with problems only suicide could solve. Did you ever think of how it would effect your mum, your brothers, your baby sister. You must of, So why DIDNT THAT STOP YOU. Everyday mum wakes up thinking or life as another depressing day ahead. I know she does, I can see it in her. She’s NEVER happy, I can actually say confidentially I can’t remember the last time she’s laughed out loud. How sad is that?

Now I’m 18, I feel as though I’m finally starting to understand life. She angers me everyday I see her, the way she anxiously walks about the house trying her best to find things to do and keep her mind off doing NOTHING but being sad. You spill a drop out water, she shouts. You drop a remote and she hears something fall, she will shout. She’s an angry soul waiting to burst because of you. She’s depressed, lonely and closed, because of you. She has to see a therapist to finally open up in some way to someone, which I don’t think she does to anybody else. She can’t spit out her words to anyone, she’s a closed book. I’m 18 and I can also say I don’t actually know my mum.

As I’ve grown up, we’ve slowly grown apart, I’ve noticed her anger and sadness. She way she goes about life and it makes me angry. I can’t spend more than 20 minutes in her company without wanting to rip my hair out. It angers me how she can’t keep a conversation going with her own daughter, it angers me she never makes the effort to get to know me or anything that happens in my life. Ive just come back from uni after a month, she said she missed me. First car ride, the first time she seen me, was awkward silence, no words spoke, no how’s uni. SHE DOES NOT CARE.

BECAUSE OF YOU SHE CARES ABOUT FUCK ALL apart from the fact you are gone and YOUVE Crushed her heart into pieces. I wish you knew that, I wish you could see it the way all of US have to. And yet, none of us can do anything about it.

I remember when she said I wish I had no kids. She said I was exactly like tommy after he stressed her out with this issues a year ago. I’m a disappointment to her no matter what I do or say. I remember when I got my A level results, I seen every other parent go wild make their kid feel like they are on top of the world, special. I got a simple well done. I felt nothing. No meal, no celebration, but again why would she do that. It’s only some stupid results On a piece of paper to her now I’m sure.

There’s no happiness, except for when Mia came into the world. She’s a distraction from her loneliness that’s eating her up. Mia’s happiness is hers. But yet Mia is too clueless to see the sadness in her, like I was.

I want that relationship with my mum where I can trust her, spend time with her, make memories with her, gossip about stupid things, that mother daughter relationship everyone wants. I wonder if I’d of got that if you didn’t kill yourself. I wonder if she’d be happy, if she’d actually be proud of me, be the woman to jump about at my stupid A level grades, take me on random dinners cause she’d be confident like that. Instead she can’t really leave the house without feeling anxiety. She’s like a hamster trapped in a cage, cage being from the shops, doctor, our house, nain’s flat, aunty carols and the houses she cleans. Where else does she go? NOWHERE. She hates seeing people, she hates conversation, she’s become so small in herself she can’t even do that, and yet all I think i I wonder if she did before you.

I seen a picture of her once out getting wrecked with her friends and I couldn’t get over it. MY MUM OUT ACTUALLY HAVING FUN, obviously that was before you did what you did. She doesn’t even speak to them friends anymore, only aunty carol. I’m sure if aunty Carol stopped overly making effort with her she’d be out of her life too. I again feel angry at myself and guilty I think this way but I can’t get it out of my head.

My mum is basically dead but alive, she’s not actually here on Earth, she’s floating. I doubt she’s even scared to die, she’s ready.

You ruined her life from the minute you stepped off that chair, which can I mention WHY THERE. So close to home and comfort, the place your friends learnt to love. YOU NOT ONLY FUCKED IT BY DOING IT BUT so selfishly did it in a place where memories were made and shared. And now I bet when anyone thinks of that place they think of you. If only you knew that each time she drove she’d have to go the long way round so she wouldn’t pass that field. If only you knew that when my friends would go there, traditionally making it the go to place for teens in valley to get around and be piss heads n free n smoke I had to lie to mum, I was made to feel guilty and I still do. I like to think of that place as a way of being close to you in some way, although you did what you did. Before that you went there and made happy memories with the people you cared about, that’s what I do when I’m there.

I remember one Time I went there when I first started trying drugs. I sat alone, fucked On a pill and thought of you. I went for a walk alone ( I’m scared of the dark but went anyway) and I tried to speak to you, hoping to feel some sort of connection. I wish I could actually speak to you in person.

Maybe if you didn’t kill you self this whole family would be close and happy, that’s all I could wish for. Maybe me and my brothers would be close and if a boy would mess me around you’d make sure they’d stick up for me too like hopefully you would of. I feel no sense of security now. I have me and nobody else. They don’t know me, nobody in this family knows anyone. We are all alone, we keep everything to ourselves, we trust nobody. Everything that is shit in my ( ours) family, I blame you. I bet life would be so different. Again I know if anybody ever in this family seen this they’d hate me but I’m not ready to forgive you. I might of forgotten you, which I’m sorry for but there’s a reminder of you everytime I’m in this house, or with this family. It’s just you.

I’m sorry for how I feel and I’m sorry for writing it on this but I don’t know what else to do. My diary is in Liverpool and I’m at home in bed crying. I wanted to sleep an hour ago cause I have a shit ton of uni work that needs to be done but I guess I’m up crying about you, no hard feelings. X

I wish this could all just blow away and you’d be here again and everything would be perfect. I know perfect isn’t possible but to see a smile on my mums face everyday, to hear her laugh, to see our family CLOSE, to feel like I was happy in my family and not alone would actually be perfect to me.

But it can’t and that’s because of you. X