#i dont want to have to make memorials for trans people i just want people to stop killing us

[1-800-deactivatednearu]

woag character design notes

[i.d.: a drawn line up of the half life vr ai characters, from left to right, gordon, dr. coomer, tommy, bubby, gman, and benrey. /end i.d.]

yeah i skipped some guys , i dont draw some of them enough to have much unique designs and some of them are a png of a dog

trust me i am just surprised as the rest of yall that i am doing hlvrai art . design notes below (very long, mind your step)

gordon:

wow this guy dont got no head

i didnt want to give gordon a face because of how unexact the person is as the fandom engages with it. is it wayne rtvs? (well as presented to an audience, yes) is it gordon freeman? (well as seen from an in game perspective, yes) is it a whole new guy entirely? (well as

i cut the confusion and took it a whole new direction: guillotine

hlvrai being treated as a very broken game is fun to me as a design perspective, so if you (the audience) are not supposed to see his face, what happens when you see it anyways? missing texture time

there are eyes drawn over because i did not have confidence in my expressions at first and then it grew on me

i think if i were to draw (and i have drawn) an actual person under the mask i would still censor the eyes because that is where the vr headset sits!!

(i do not like putting an actual flesh to gordon though)

though i really like seeing how other people interpret gordon hlvrai it is not . my gordon ? we are talking about the same guy . but this is my gordo . i made this one . this guy my guy . maybe i should draw other gordon designs

i can draw the hev suit from memory and it is also the entire reason why i can render metal confidently

i liked how people changed the lambda to read ai :] i also have no clue if i wrote the lambda correctly

(i did, i just checked)

dr coomer:

as much as i draw/drew him i find it more fun to not stick to one set design :)

so a lot of my takes on dr coomer tend to jump from idea to idea, especially from what other people are doing, though they could be fitted to the left and right designs!

the left design is mainly based off what i saw in fandom spaces

we see rounder shapes, making for a more friendly and welcoming appearance

i think of this as straying from the more professional uniform of the actual scientist models

enter swimming shorts and bright yellow socks, for some reason

so now he kind of looks like a cool science teacher :)

it might be the lab coat

the right design is mainly based off thumbnails for hlvrai itself

these use a more angular appearance

i want to push how comically buff he is because of strength he shows at times, especially since his left design seems to completely down play it as a comically not buff man who is still very strong

the shadows on right design coomer get so much more harsh and exaggerated because i have comic books on the mind :)

he really does look like a dehydrated comic book character huh

tommy:

stick bug (he gets it from his dad) (this thought process is explained at gman section)

i pushed a lot of the saturation of colours in her design because i think tommy gets to be a little silly with it

fun art story of the day! when you color, try messing with hue! you might notice you can get away with a lot as long as your values are about right

i like pushing this with white because you can get away with a lot of things reading as “off white”

old faithful for me is cool shadows with a warm transition colour to keep things visually interesting

i keep making white objects the trans flag

happy pride

tommys design looks a little like a school boy, with the tucked in button up shirt+suspenders+shorts+jacket tied around the waist . and the primary colours . but like it is really fun to dress up so brightly

i actually was strongly inspired by medieval babies if that is a weird descriptor? i wanted him to both be a middle aged man but also a young adult

do not be like tommy, who has their finger on the trigger of the gun while not even looking at where it is pointing and good god he is squeezing the trigger . top ten firearm safety of all time

bubby:

the absurd part is that i think bubby is tall . he is just between tommy and gman who are exaggeratedly lanky .

i wanted to make bubby a pointy kinda guy, so he is the only one actually wearing the lab coat proper . and the only one actually wearing dress socks but not even wearing dress shoes

i wanted to give him a novelty tie but i was running low on ideas and running high on boreds so we dont get a tie

he does have crocs though!! in attack mode!!

i do think we all kind of saw his model and collectively decided it works for him because i have honestly not seen major divergences from his model?

gman:

stick bug

i wanted to stress the more spooky and unknowable nature of him and took it in the dark souls direction of “make bigger than player character”

maked too bigger

he cannot walk through any doorways but you will have to crane your neck to look up at him

in the opposite direction of tommy, i pulled a lot of the saturation in gmans design

it feels important to make them both not fully match the rest of the slightly less broken npcs because there was so much work to make them look cool so i have to respect that

actually a lot of gmans and tommys designs are made in opposite to one another

gman has a largely stationary face and very stiff line work

while tommy is pushed to expressive as possible

thats pretty fun, way to go me

benrey:

benrey also has two designs

and in both of these i keep getting too lazy to use a reference so  the vests are super plain (forgetting the badge and black mesa logo) . i think the helmet is supposed to be darker actually .

the design ethos of benrey was “built like a brick shithouse”

a friend of mine took this cooler and interpreted it as a shield/wall/barrier as a physical (and narrative) obstacle

again the first uses fandom designs

most notably the overcast shadow (seen in video thumbnails but i never noticed it or understood why so many people did it until someone pointed it out to me)

i think hlvrai is such a great medium because it acknowledges it is a game and is able to play into that to great effect! i think the shadow is fun to imagine as solid black as a small reminder of the impossibility of the space :]

benrey is a smug cat in the body of a human . to be honest . and this is the full range of emotion i have ever drawn him with

the second was mostly because as fun as taking creative liberties are, i just really wanted to see benrey as is: the half life security guard model in all its slight wonk :]

i actually do prefer this design . it is a little more uncanny because i choose the worst translations of the model . i like it because it is a little more uncanny !

that can be said for like . every single design in this line up huh .

#hlvrai #my art #gordon feetman #dr coomer #tommy coolatta #dr bubby #gman coolatta #benrey #half life vr but the ai is self aware

[alliumbugs]

Blog of some autistic sea creature

Hello! You can call me Sailor or Tommy and I use he/it/mew/vwoop/disc for my pronouns. Im a queer disabled therian + fictotherian who likes to make art. My theriotypes are calico cat, raccoon, catfish and vaporeon. I don’t identify as human, please keep this in mind!

Im a butch aroace trans nonbinary lesbian dyke faggot tranny thing who wants to kiss their partners and computers and finds Ranboo attractive in a lesbian way. I like masc and gender neutral terms to refer to me (no they/them tho).

catfishsailor -> transdogday -> catfishsailor -> alliumbugs

I like to talk about disability and disability rights, if i accidentally say something ableist please tell me! Im not a perfect person and i make mistakes, but please tell me when i do mess up so i cannot make that mistake again!

"Can i use your art in a pfp/banner/edit/webweave?" Sure! As long as there is credit feel free to use my art for those!

"Can i repost your art?" Please dont, if you want to support me reblog my art

complaints box || reviews || ao3

I used to rb stuff over on @alliumbugs-reblog but it got annoying but feel free to look through that blog of anything i did rb

All art should be in #the catfish draws

All ask answers will be in #the catfish answers

Just talking posts will be in #the catfish talks

Talking to my mutuals posts will be in #the catfish friends

me goin’ to sleep posts will be in #the catfish snoozes

All my liveblogs will be in #the catfish liveblogs

All my headcannon posts will be in #the catfish headcannons

My cAllium fanchild posts will be in #the catfish flicker

Genloss zombie au posting will be in #zombiefall au

You can find any of my other socials by searching up catfishsailor, as most places i just use that as my username!

I do take time to process things a little longer then most people. Do not rush me or get mad to me about it. This is due to many reasons that i don’t even know fully. Please be patient with me.

I also have memory issues, i do my best to remember things but if i forget your pronouns i will just default to they/them, please tell me if i misgendered you so then i can correctly gender you.

I support mspec gays and lesbians and all good faith identities if ur mad about it sorry! i dont give a fuck. Queer people can do whatever the fuck they want!

If you like ccWilbur or ccDteam disrespectfully fuck off. They are all cunts and i hate them

Please tag all cTommy + ccTommy neg! I have a special interest in Tommyinnit and id rather not see it

Unless i say otherwise feel free to rb my posts!

I moved from my old blog to here to escape the constant discourse that i kept on seeing for my mental health, so this a discourse free blog. Don’t look for my old blog please.

I only block blank blogs and people who are constantly in discourse and drama, which i decide how often is too much. If i do not like you i will block you.

As im writing this my cat Pixels is on me which is fun but i can barely see lol.

Hope you enjoy the blog!

#the catfish talks #pinned post

[altermay]

Tw/ transphobia, discussions of dysphoria, brief mention of suicide, descriptions of child abuse

Getting unbearable. Feeling sick. Started working to afford hormones only to find out the service that is most accessible to me (plume) doesnt offer T in alabama anymore due to changing laws. Fuck all these stupid politicians putting their noses in others lives.

Thought people at work wouldnt make a super huge deal, as I was selective with who I told, so i thought maybe I could hold out a bit longer and at least i wouldnt have to feel so dysphoric all the time, since all my coworkers knew me as Monte. But then instead of my name, people who would usually call anyone else by their name started calling me “Miss” and “maam”

Even the ones I had come out to, and even the ones who told me they were accepting.

Whatever, im from a small rural area, so transphobia is not new to me, what is new to me, however, is being openly trans in an unfamilliar environment. I thought I could start T quickly and maybe people would ever forget that im trans in the first place, but now its been so long.

Some people call me He, and use the right pronouns, but increasingly lately Ive received a myriad of transphobia.

Being called tranny loudly while my coworker kicks my broom as I try to sweep (kicking hard enough for the broom to almost leave my hands and hit another person behind me) , Getting called “it” behind my back. Stuff like this is becoming more common.

The two coworkers who called me it, have been spreading lies about my work performance these past five days, Ive been told my three different people that every time I leave to go do something they start talking badly of me. So I got to my breaking point, at this point it had nothing to do with the pronouns, I was just upset that two forty+ year old adults were purposefully making my job harder to do while I was also struggling with a ton of other stuff (ptsd, seasonal depression, a family members recent suicide) and so I couldnt stop crying.

Despite this situation having nothing to do with me being trans, they are now trying to spread the narrative that Im just being sensitive because they were misgendering me while they were borderline bullying me.

If I was not trans, people would take me seriously on these issues. But now, because I am upset, suddenly Im just a stereotype. A sensitive trans person who is offended because someone used the wrong pronouns a few times.

I will be one to say, I do not give a SHIT about my pronouns. Ive been called the wrong ones my whole life by a majority of people. That was never the issue. But because Im trans, that is the only issue people can perceive for me to have. The ONE issue I had with them regarding my pronouns was them calling me “it” and thats not because its the wrong pronoun, thats because its DEHUMANIZING.

But now I have other coworkers who know NOTHING about the situation saying shit like “well if she claims shes a man maybe she should suck it up” “well if she wants to be seen as a man maybe she shpuld cut her hair”

Fuck you. How about YOU get beaten for 17 years, YOU watch your siblings get beaten near to death for 17 years. YOU have flashbacks of things you dont understand all day every day and we will see how fucking well youre able to “suck it up” you are WEAK. YOU ARE ALL WEAK. And you dont know what its like to be me. My mother tried to kill me. My mother almost killed my sister, I was neglected, never went to a doctor, and I STILL dont know how to take care of myself. And I still havent recovered all of the memories.

Ive had SHORT HAIR ive had LONG HAIR Ive had a MOHAWK, ive had a BUZZCUT ive been BALD. And people STILL fucking saw me as a woman. Im tired of conforming to this bullshit just so people can treat me the same as they always do

Fun fact though, since Ive had long hair Ive been gendered correctly by strangers MORE than I have with ANY OTHER HAIR STYLE.

These stupid fucking transphobes and their stupid fucking stereotypes im so fucking sick of it all. And corporate wont do anything about it, Im sure of this.

Why is it so hard for me to just live my fucking life.

Im so sick of it all

#vent #tw vent #tw transphobes #transphobes #transphobia #tw suicide mention #suicide mention #abuse #child abuse #neglect #tw abuse

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover friday thing and im sorry if i've already sent you an ask about this, i have the worst memory in the world at the best of times. with that out of the way... how do i cope with my orientation doing a 180? my whole life, starting from when i was about 10, ive identified as a lesbian. i exclusively dated girls (or people who identified as girls at the time anyway) and non-binary people. i was only attracted to girls and non-binary people. when i thought about being married in the future, it was always to a woman or non-binary person.

then i met my soulmate and he was a man. i dont use the term lightly either -- im talking about love at first meeting, spending time together as often as possible, sharing secrets, the whole thing. i plan on getting a tattoo dedicated to him. i still called myself a lesbian, just with one exception, because he was the only man i ever loved. and then he went dormant and hasnt come back (hence the tattoo).

then i started noticing i sometimes got crushes on men but not very often. now it's a couple years later and it struck me the other day that i don't think i'm sexually attracted to women anymore. just men and non-binary people. and it really threw me for a loop. ive been a lesbian my whole life but now im not? i'm almost exclusively (sexually) xlm now. which is certainly hard to deal with since i'm dating someone who is woman-aligned.

this is really long im so sorry i didnt mean to ramble so much akskfkf but do you have any words of advice for someone whose identity flipped on its head and feels lost now

I doubt that I’m going to say anything revolutionary here, so I’m just going to talk.

Things change for everyone. Different things change for different people. I don’t want to discount the experiences of certain people like men who are attracted to cis women exclusively, women who are attracted to cis men specifically, men who are only attracted to men, women who only attracted to women, etc. When I say stuff like “sexuality is fluid” it’s in the same way you say “gender is fluid” knowing that for some people it 100% isn’t, but it CAN be.

Some people have a very hard time accepting that sexuality can be fluid. It’s been pointed out before that some people are all for playing around with your gender and calling yourself a woman as a cis man in drag or calling yourself a liquid because your gender is so fluid or going “none of the above” in those gender questions or any amount of things like that. But as soon as someone implies that sometimes you can be a lesbian and sometimes you can be a gay man and those things can coincide or change certain people get really up in arms.

Complicated sexualities and gender have been around longer than any of us, and certainly around longer than tumblr and the internet. Perhaps my own favorite example is talking about how bisexuals and lesbians used to fall under the same or at least a more similar label in Stone Butch Blues. Before the phenomenon of lesbian separatists.

Bisexual lesbians and pansexual gays and all those kinds of things, while perhaps POPULARIZED by social media, existed long before that. Why is the idea that trans people existed before tumblr not a novel idea but the fact that perhaps wlw were all lumped under the phrase “lesbian” because there were women with more complicated sexualities like might fit under the label “bi lesbian” today wild and unacceptable to some people?

The idea that you can call yourself a lesbian exclusively but have some exceptions or call yourself gay exclusively but have an exception or hell even call yourself straight but have an exception is not a new thing. I, personally, love straight cisgender male content creators who say shit like “I’m not gay but I would make out with that man”. Cracks me the fuck up. I want more of that shit. But suddenly if a lesbian says “I’m not straight but I would make out with that man” it’s like woah woah woah are you sure you’re REALLY a lesbian?

Plenty of people who are straight/gay/lesbian fully accept that you can ID as one of those things and still use that label if you have on exception or even a few. Some do not, and will say if your thoughts even stray from your assigned sex of attraction then you are not allowed to use that label.

There will people who will say you can’t call yourself a lesbian if you’ve had sex with a man before even if you didn’t enjoy it. Gold star lesbian mentality.

The idea of sexuality being fluid is sadly a controversial one, as is every facet of being “in the community”. But for many people it is.

I see it a lot like coming to terms that you are not in fact cisgender. You go your whole life believing, truly believing, that you are a cis girl perhaps, until suddenly one day you realize you are NOT. Maybe there weren’t “signs” that you were trans along the way. Maybe one day it just hit you like a ton of bricks. What do you do? How do you cope?

Well. How do you cope with any other thing that hits you like a ton of bricks? How do you cope with someone you thought loved you deciding to dump you and never speak to you again in a day? How do you cope with being fired from a job you felt so secure in and planned on being in for at least another decade? How do you cope with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Over time. You try not to stress it. You try and move through your days by keeping it in the back of your mind until time has dulled that immediate pain enough for you to reconsider. The pain isn’t going to go away. But it can become manageable. You cannot deal with things if you are screaming and crying and hyperventilating and throwing things. You need to wait until you’re not doing any of those things in order to deal with the issue at hand, for a vivid and extreme example.

What does it mean to you to be xlm? I call myself a bi lesbian. On this blog I call myself trans masc and mlm. On my main I’m a [girl] and a bi lesbian. To me that means I, Savanna, personally will have sex with people who have a vagina, as someone who also has a vagina. Be they trans men, trans women, cis women, nonbinary/other. I do not like the idea of having sex with an actual flesh and blood and cummy dick, HOWEVER I’m open enough to say “I haven’t really been in a position in my life right now where someone has wanted to jam their dick inside of me, so I haven’t really had to worry about that. If it comes to that point, I can’t say for sure that I’m going to be like ‘ew no a dick’ even though I do not like dicks. Depending on the person and the situation I might be willing to make an exception.” And hey. There are people I might be with who have a vagina that I might just be like hey you know what? I don’t want to have sex. For whatever reason.

Your partner is woman-aligned, so I’m sure in your mind that’s not something you’re aesthetically attracted to right now. But sexually might you be? Do you think you’re having another exception to your sexuality like you did before?

Try your best not to worry about it and try to come to any conclusions until you’ve given it some time. I’m not sure how long it’s been since you came to this realization, maybe it’s been a few days, maybe it’s been a few weeks. But take the time you need to not make an emotional response to it in regards to your current relationship. Do what you’re doing and talk to other people about it. When you’re ready, you should talk to your partner about it. Perhaps there’s accommodations and arrangements that can be made. I’ve said before even though I’m transmasc here like if a cishet guy wanted to date me only as his gf I would be willing to compromise on my gender expression for that most likely. My gender isn’t a huge deal to me. Things like that.

Take it slow and take your time. Don’t make any rash decisions. Talk it out. Don’t worry about feeling like you “made a mistake” or are “living a lie”. We wouldn’t tell someone who came out as trans things like that, so much as gender changes and/or is fluid so is sexuality.

#punk gets mail #the punk gives good advice

[dimonds456]

Howdy!

I'm Dimonds456, and welcome to my garbage pile. I'm a bat who stays up way too late and cannot decide whether or not to be productive. I draw, write, animate, play/write music, and I'm also insane so watch out for that.

I'm neurodivergent, disabled, queer, white, a singlet, fictionkin, and a proud cat papa. I am a cartoon character who is way too bouncy for their own good lol.

They / he / xe!

This is my main blog, but my ADHD ass also has a bunch more.

@dimonds456-art - my art blog! Almost all art gets rbed there!

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai - my HLVRAI sideblog! Because yeah why not. This is one of me current hyperfixations lol it's bad

@rubberhose-roy is my sideblog used to gush about 1920's-40's aesthetics, music, culture, ect., as well as an animation blog! All my animations specifically will be reblogged there, as well as any animation rambles or gushes I do.

I have more but those are the main three.

My fandom-specific blogs are:

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai (again)

@hlvrai-stuck-together - HLVRAI AU I run!

@halfnautica - Half Life / Subnautica AU!

@a-second-chance-su-au - Old SU AU that has been discontinued, but the blog is still there!

@batim-rewritten - a Bendy and the Ink Machine rewrite I'm working on

@cuphead-contract-au - A Cuphead AU where Mugman makes a deal (discontinued)

And, I have my own OC story, Follychromatic! I reblog all that stuff here, but its main blog is here!

@follychromatic

To see pictures of my cat, check the #Checkers tag! :D

Okay great. Now, DNI, trigger warnings, disabilities, special interests, and more below the cut. Make sure you read at least once, k? Thanks.

Welcome to my cave!

DNI

Trigger Warnings

Do not FUCKING interact if you are:

- A proshipper

- A bigot

- An LGBTphobe / transmed / ect

- Trump supporter

- Nazi / fascist / conservative

- Weird about furries or furry art

- Weird about fandom headcanons (specifically trans woman headcanons)

I will add more if anyone wants me to, or we can come up with a custom tag, like what I do for one of my friends! (#dimond don't look)

I will tag as much as I can, and if you want me to tag something specific, let me know! But as a general blog cover, things that appear on this blog often are:

- Current events

- Talk of / discussion of sexuality (sometimes boardering on NSFW but not usually)

- Blood

- Guns

- Flashing

- Talk of proshippers (I try to be respectful but also I don't stand for them and I don't support them. I block and move on, and try to explain why proship is bad, but eh. I've only been listened to like once lol)

- Swearing / swear words

- All caps

- Bugs

- Suggestive content / NSFW (RARE DONT WORRY)

DISABILITIES

Hiiii I'm disabled! Both mentally and physically. I talk about being disabled a lot and try to generate positive talk about it. I also vent about it. I've had quite a few of these, and I also try to reblog as much about others I don't have as I can to increase awareness and understanding. So yeah! These are just the ones I have, but they are not the only ones that appear on my blog!

Hyperthyroidism

Graves Disease

Graves Eye Disease

Astigmatism

Athsma

Audio processing disorder

ADHD

Autism

Trauma / PTSD

Brain fog / disassociation / memory loss

Anxiety

Depression

Cane user

Weak / trembling limbs / trouble walking / trouble holding onto things sometimes

More to be added lol.

This is also a meds/treatment positive blog, a self-diagnosis positive blog, and my general attitude is just "if you think something is wrong you're probably right, you know yourself the best, even if you don't know what exactly is wrong." This attitude has saved my life and other people I know. You don't need a diagnosis or medication to be disabled.

THIS IS A SAFE SPACE.

If you are Jewish, black, brown, Muslim, indigenous, any religion, any race, any sexuality, any weird gender, anything at all- I love and support you. I'm still learning, and I try to learn as much as I can, but I'm not perfect. If I say something offensive or something adjacent, it was NOT on purpose. PLEASE, PLEASE tell me what I said wrong. I will make an effort to improve in the future.

I directly support:

- All races

- All religions*

- All sexualities (except pedos, y'all aren't LGBT, I'm sorry. You're actively hurting children. I've seen it again and again. Stop.)

- All genders and pronouns

- All "weird" identities outside of that as well (I'm fictionkin myself)

- Protests and protesters

- Neurodivergent people of all types (and yes, this means NPD, schizo, and all those other types that are often seen as bad or evil. I love you, I see you, and I support you.)

- DID & OSDD systems

If I have reblogged or said anything that aligns with the bottom list, that was a mistake. PLEASE let me know and I will fix it as fast as I can. You reading this right now, I love you. I hope my blog can help you feel welcomed and like you have somewhere to go if you need it. /gen

I DO NOT support:

- Antisemitism

- Genocide

- Cults (*stuff like Jehova's Witnesses. I support the members, as they are victims, but I actively dislike the people on top who perpetuate the cycle. Not just JWs, but those are the big ones who come to mind. Hearts out to all the victims, I hope everyone gets to a better place soon)

- Racism in any way, shape, or form

- Religious discrimination of any way, shape, or form

- Israel specifically

- Trump, conservatives, Nazis, ect.

- Endo systems

MY FANDOMS / INTERESTS

I HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM AND I'M MAKING THAT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM /silly

The current special interests are HLVRAI and Half Life, current hyperfixations are Half Life and Poppy Playtime.

SPECIAL INTERESTS:

- Minecraft

- HTTYD

- FNaF

- Undertale / Deltarune

- BATIM / BATDR (unfortunately)

- Subnautica

- Biology

- Steven Universe

- Cuphead

- 2D Animation

- Writing

- HLVRAI

- Half Life

theres more but my brain is an egg :/

HYPERFIXATIONS (interests but not the special ones):

- Little Nightmares

- Hello, Neighbor (unfortunately)

- Petscop

- Portal

- Freemanverse (HELP ME)

- The Amazing Digital Circus

- The Owl House

- Gravity Falls

- Monster High (very first from what I can remember! I remember nothing though! But it's there!)

- Poppy Playtime

- Half Life

- Wild Kratts (I didn't even know there WAS a fandom until very recently, hi guys)

When it comes to ✨me,✨ I have a couple of original works as well! Specifically, Follychromatic! I won't get too into it here (bc shy) but it's 2D animation, rubberhose animation, magic, character-driven, action/adventure, mystery- yeah!

Outside of fandom, though, my special interests are biology, 2D animation, and writing. I am an animator and I suffer for fun.

YOU MADE IT! Have some Checkers for your time! :)

#dimond speaks #intro post #bout time i made one of these huh #dni #pinned post

[demadogs]

Do you know any good wlw movies/ TV shows on netflix? I've watched a few, I am not ok with this, Carol, duck butter, but im LESBIAN DEPRIVED!

~🌈

YOU AND ME BOTH GIRLY.

unfortunately almost all my favorite sapphic shows have been canceled especially the ones on netflix but i do still think theyre worth your time. but it might also kill you bc the story isnt finished. all these shows are also just amazing plots too. like i would love them just as much even if there wasnt wlw relationships.

heres what i got for shows but not all of these are on netflix.

the wilds. this is an AMAZING SHOW. its on amazon its about a staged plane crash where 8 girls are stuck on an island but they dont know that its all a fucked up social experiment. a lesbian relationship became established before it got canceled after s2.

cable girls. this is on netflix and it actually DIDNT GET CANCELED HALLELUJAH. its an amazing show but it actually doesnt really count as sapphic bc one of the characters in the wlw relationship ends up being trans. but its still a great queer love. this shows spanish and set in late 1920s madrid at a telephone company. its one of my favorite shows ever literally every season is better than the last plz watch it.

everything sucks. this is on netflix and it did get canceled but the lesbian relationship was mostly established before the end of the first season. its set in the 90s and its just a really cute show im mad it got canceled.

paper girls. this is on amazon and ngl this is one of the most painful sapphic show cancelations ive ever suffered through so if you dont wanna watch it just bc of that i dont blame you. its about these four young girls who accidentally time travel from the 80s to current day and meet their future selves. the gay girlies are heavily implied and foreshadowed but they dont get together before the end of the show :(

the last of us!!! not canceled its still going!! this show has an episode that shows a past sapphic relationship with the lesbian main character but the first season doesnt introduce a new relationship yet. the second season will tho. im sure youve heard about this or already watched it but its about a zombie-like pandemic from a deadly fungus and its total post apocalyptic. also AMAZING found family father/daughter trope. dare i say i actually think i like them more than el and hopper.

i really need to find more great sapphic movies.

my favorite lesbian movie of all time is portrait of a lady on fire. its a french period piece and its just beautiful and THERE ARE LIKE ZERO MEN IN THE WHOLE MOVIE. i think the only line a man has is “bonjour” and thats it. MY KINDA MOVIE!!!!! INSTANT 5 STARS!!!!! i love this movie. the initial premise is that a woman needs to be painted but she cant know that shes being painted so the other woman has to just study her while hanging out and then paint her from memory. it ends up being much more than that but gaaahhh if you only watch one of these make it this movie.

another iconic sapphic movie is but im a cheerleader. way different tone much less dramatic and more comedy but still never gets old.

you didnt mention books but im gonna give you book recs anyway.

seven husbands of evelyn hugo!!!!!!! im sure youve heard about this. i dont think its overrated at all it really was such a good book and dont let the title fool you its gay as hell. if youre really not a reader tho this is going to be a netflix movie soon.

an amazing duo book series is criers war. i LOVE scifi and fantasy and this is my favorite sapphic scifi story ive ever read/watched. i want this to be a movie or show so bad. its about a world where some people are people and some are what they refer to as “automa” which are essentially cyborgs but they look just like humans. crier is an automa and the daughter of a king and ayla is a poor human and she has a vendetta against crier bc her father was responsible for her familys murder but crier doesnt know this! so then ayla gets the job as her maid for the goal of killing her basically but of course it gets super gay instead. its such an interesting take on the enemies to lovers trope bc its one sided, cryer has no idea ayla considers her her enemy. also neither of them are white i think crier is brown and ayla is black.

i hope you like these! and if anybody else has lesbian story recs plz put it in the replies or rbs cuz i also need more lesbian content!!!

#people plz give me more recs im begging #every new gay shit that comes out is mlm and i still eat it up usually but god where are the gay girlies :(( #byler #bc a lot of you guys are lesbians #sapphic #lgbt movie #eden answers

[thedawningofthehour]

thinking abt this because of the thing that im writing right now (im almost done with it holy shit)

the fact that donnies name gets changed once hes hypnotised is so important to me. names in general are something incredibly important to me for so many reasons. names represent identity, names represent the person who uses them. even if they are sounds we use to get each others attention, in a lot of ways, names are the summary of who we are. as a trans person, names gain even more significance to me even with that in mind.

when donnie get hypnotised and all his memories get removed, and his perception of himself and who he is gets so fundamentally changed that he simply isnt donatello anymore, he gets a new name. he is a new person, he is galois now. the name galois represents this new set of values, new identity, new perception of himself that he has. donatello is simply a different person, nevermind all the similarities between donnie and galois, nevermind the fact that theyre technically the same person. theyre different identities.

galois has a new set of formative memories. even if theyre altered versions of donnies memories. memories are the reason why we are who we are right now. if not for our memories and experiences, were nothing, no one (can you tell that im a strong proponent of the nurture side of nature vs nurture). and all of galois memories? theyre different from donnies. this fundamentally makes him a different person.

then theres the fact that donnies family refuses to call galois galois. galois used to be donnie, yes. but in some ways, donnies dead right now. maybe hell come back, if galois unlocks those memories (which he prolly will, its the only TRULY interesting thing, narrative-wise, no matter how much i thirst for a bad ending), but hes as good as fucking dead right now.

and yet donnies family doesnt acknowledge this. to them, galois is donnie, so theres no point in referring to him by the name that represents him. its an act of defiance. the name galois also represents the fact that draxum killed donnie and replaced him with a new identity. from their perspective, it doesnt matter if 'galois' doesnt remember being donnie! hes still donnie!

yes i do have the advantage of having seen galois perspective of all this, which does change my perspective on all this. because they dont know that galois barely know who this 'donatello' even is!

im gonna stop rambling here cause im just gonna start going in circles, but. galois having a different name is so fucking important to me. yes it happens in a lot of other similar fics to doth, but. i dont know, its just somehow different here, more Important. probably the fact that galois doesnt even have a notion that he was ever anyone BUT galois.

(keep in mind that this is all written from the perspective of someone who rly rly wants galois to stay with draxum because 1. plot, 2. i have no reasoning, i just like 'bad' endings lmao. i rly do treat galois as a different person from donnie because he is, to me at least)

(also i hope this isnt incoherent, i am very sleep deprive right now)

People have made parallels from Galois to 2012 Karai, and I feel like that applies here. Because it always really rubbed me wrong that Splinter kept calling her Miwa. That wasn't her name; she was not Miwa anymore. She'd been Karai her entire life and clearly felt more comfortable using that name. Yet Splinter just kept calling her by the name of his dead baby daughter, like he expected her to just jump back into that role. (I apologize if he does start calling her Karai later on, it's been a while since I watched the whole show through, but I don't remember him doing so)

And that just feeds into all the bullshit Karai feels about her identity after the truth comes out. She's quick to renounce Saki as her father, but is hesitant to embrace Splinter as such. She never moves in with the fam, despite still being a minor and there definitely being room for her there, since April lived with them for a while. And still, she claims herself as Saki's heir, taking over the Foot for herself after the Shredder is dead. She has a lot of complicated feelings about her past and her own identity, and Splinter calling her Miwa right off the bat must have been salt in the wound. The decision to go back to her birth name, to trade Oroku for Hamato, that should have been her decision, to be made whenever she damn well felt like it. It was not for Splinter to tell her who she is.

I don't want to spoil things too much, but a lot of that's going to come into play in Book 4. Donnie is going to have to come to grips with that fact that he is not Galois, Galois never really existed, but at the same time he's not really Donnie anymore. And he'll have to come to terms with who he is now and the roles both Donnie and Galois played in that.

I decided pretty early on that I wanted Draxumized Donnie to have a real name many of the above reasons. I didn't want to use 'Three' or 'Purple,' or just leave him without a name like some separated aus do. Slushie outlined it pretty well in hers-a number is not a name. A number or color could be easily set aside for his return to Donatello, because they were never really names at all. They're just denominations. Everything he was under Draxum could be easily swept under the rug, because that wasn't really anybody. Just Draxum's brainwashed slave, without a character, without a name. And that wasn't what I wanted his time as Galois to be.

I will say that his memories didn't alter his personality as much as it would have if he'd actually lived it all. Donnie already had a fully-formed personality when he went into the Galois machine, Gale wasn't built up from ground zero. He still does and says things based on how Donnie would have acted, even if it wouldn't make all that much sense for Galois. His middle-childness, for example, he's a shithead little brother to Cass a lot despite Galois being an only child and having no frame of reference for having siblings. Sometimes his implanted memories and his personality cross each other, however, and leave him very confused for a bit, so those Donnie mannerisms are fading and being replaced by Galois.

(Honestly, I don't think there's a single way for a 'Gale stays with Draxum' ending to work at this point. Maybe back during the Table Arc, maybe if Draxum had let him up then and swore to change his ways, maybe if they talked a lot and Donnie was able to ease the fam into forgiving him, then maybe they could have had that father/son happily ever after. But the brainwashing was a point of no return, Draxum can't pull back now and his mission is doomed to fail. Any bad ending at this point would just result in their deaths)

Part of the fam's reaction is denial, Donnie can't be as 'gone' as he seems to be. They'll pop his memory back in and everything will go back to normal.

But the other part is that they still love him regardless of what he's calling himself. So he thinks he's the son of an evil scientist and bites them if they try to give him a hug, big whoop. He's still the same soul. He's still their son, their brother. He's still family.

And family means nobody gets left behind.

#doth asks

[borderline-culture-is]

Hi, this is a long ask. I am not diagnosed with anything, but Ive been thinking that I might have bpd. I started self harming at 9 yo, and was given ssri and antipsychotics to treat the symptoms, because i was too young to be diagnosed. Three years ago I moved countries, and I was so stressed that I literally ragequit talking all my medications, because I couldn’t sustain importing it from my country. Follow two horrible years of withdrawal, where I kept having derealization episodes, panic attacks, delusions followed by crying spells that lasted for hours, inability to maintain any relationships at all, I was incredibly angry and abusive to my mother, all that fun stuff. For the first year I refused to get any therapy because I thought they didn’t care about me and didn't want to settle for that, and the second year I was so crushed that if a fucking rock would listen (metaphorically), I would break down to it. Still not getting much support atm because being underage in an unfamiliar system makes it really hard to know what to do.

I only shook out of this state in the beginning of this school year, when my teacher called the cops on me for self-harming. I started working on regulating my emotions, meditating, and just accepting that I am the weird one for feeling this way and learning not to blame or burden other people. I also started noticing that my whole live ive only had FPs, and not a lot of genuine close relationships (I feel like I depend on them for my satisfaction, always feel betrayed for not being closer, but also feeling hesitant to even call them a friend). Before I kinda just assumed that everyone felt the same way, and that I was pathetic for feeling dependent and lonely. I also noticed that I have horrible episodic memory loss, I have to exclusively rely on other people or recorded evidence to shape any perception of my past.

I think, to an extent, my other traits have cancelled out some of my symptoms: I never lashed out or argued with my classmates because I was too scared that they would leave me, so instead I forced myself to act in the most mild way possible; I do have black and white thinking towards new people, but I make myself ignore it because I understand that it is my fault and I am being unreasonable; I never acted impulsively because I was too depressed or too scared to be proactive in any way at all.

My biggest issue with self-diagnosing is that I have never had any traumatic experiences. I come from a caring family, and, although I still blame my mom for feeling unfulfilled and neglected, there isn’t anything my parents really did wrong. She did as much as she could and I feel guilty for resenting her. I don’t remember any of my childhood, but it is completely reasonable to assume that nothing ever happened that would count as traumatic.

My point is, I have already either developed some coping mechanisms, or have come to accept that I will always feel misunderstood and unhappy. Even if I do have some kind of a disorder, I am unsure whether I should even try to get diagnosed in the first place. If I do, this would mean that my whole life is thrown out of the window with a diagnosis like that on my medical chart. It would negatively impact my human rights, my employability, my independence, all those things I really can’t afford to compromise, being an immigrant and trans. But at the same time, I just really want to find out what the hell is wrong with me, to feel understood and to have some support on how to live a normal life.

Yeah I guess the main purpose of this ask is to vent to someone who understands, and to ask for your opinion and advice on whether you think I have a disorder and if I should attempt to get it diagnosed.

--☀️🎣anon

okay. even if you dont think you have any trauma, theres still a lot of factors that could contribute to it. i think its also worth mentioning that you said you cant really remember your childhood, so it does leave some room for trauma that you either may not remember or just might not see as traumatic. and i also think that feeling neglected as a kid could do some damage, even if its unintentional. sometimes parents hurt their kids without realizing, and it doesnt invalidate the way that you feel about it!!

as for diagnosis, i think its okay for you to self-diagnose, as there are a lot of difficulties and struggles that comes with being diagnosed. i think it really depends on whether or not you personally see it as worth all of the potential trouble that it can bring. i do think that your symptoms are valid, and i can see a lot of hem as lining up with BPD. if you're really doubting, i dont think downloading a copy of the DSM-5 would be a bad idea, since it's what professionals usually reference from anyway.

regardless of whether or not you choose to get diagnosed, you and your struggles are valid!!! as someone who has also experienced BPD symptoms since we were young, we definitely feel for you. if you definitely think you are borderline, then i believe you are valid as long as you dont mean any harm, and i am pretty sure that you dont :]. we genuninely wish for the best for you, and we hope that your situation and overall well-being gets better soon 🫶 (/p)

- oliver

#not culture #advice #bpd questions #vent #- ☀️🎣

[ceasarslegion]

Me, a trans jew: i dont want to get involved in harry potter/jkr discourse because those books were a major and critical part of my upbringing. I didn't have any friends because I moved every 2 years on average and was bullied horrifically during the time I was there, but the hp books gave me a place I felt I would be accepted and loved for who I am. Learning about how violently transphobic and antisemitic their creator is and how she wants people like me dead on multiple accounts was extremely shattering to me emotionally, she hurt me in ways I truly can not articulate by taking the only safe space I had before adulthood away from me. Do you know how it feels to be told that something you thought loved you wants you dead? Do you know how complicated it is to know that, and still have all these positive memories of that thing in your life that you can't just erase overnight like people seem to want you to? Do you know how it feels to be told that having a hard time being unequivocally hostile to the story that helped you live to realize you were trans makes you just as transphobic as the author? Please just leave me alone to deal with this feeling by myself and don't pressure me to join the discourse.

Tumblr, every time: wow OP, cant believe you think trans and jewish people should die.

#vent post

[sporesgalaxy]

While we're on the topic of trans stuff, I hope it's alright if I ask a question!!

I know you had long hair for a while, and that you ended up cutting it all off, and I'm just wondering how you felt about it? Did you have any anxiety beforehand? How was it after?

Totally cool if you don't wanna answer ofc!! I hope ur doing okay :^)

Yes!! I was anxious, bc I wasn't sure how it'd look! But since a friend of mine was the one cutting it, when the moment finally came I had an attitude of like "well, we're making silly memories! who cares!" So it ended up being a lot of fun!

But I'd wanted short hair for YEARS before that, and for YEARS I was unable to work up the nerve to go ask a professional hairdresser to cut it. Didn't help that some family was politely discouraging me, but whatever. Point is, I had a lot of time to get used to/learn to fight off the anxiety lol, and in my experience waiting longer just kept me unhappy and uncertain longer!

The thing I tried to keep in mind is that hair grows back!! you can always grow it out longer again if you don't like it. Yes it will look awkward for a while if you do that, but to me it was worth finding out if I liked it shorter than I'd ever tried before! And I'm so glad I cut it now! If I'd never taken the chance, I'd never have known how much I like it this short!

Ok I'm going to ramble some more about the specific Functional and Sensory benefits I've found short hair had compared to long hair, for me anyways, but this is already quite long so. readmore upon ye

•••

People may tell you "ohh you'll have to fix your hair and put product in it every day when its short" but what they DONT tell you is that it is SO MUCH EASIER TO FIX YOUR HAIR WHEN THERE IS WAY LESS HAIR TO FIX!!

I can dump like 2 cups of water on my head and its wet, and it dries in like 30 minutes. Combing it is SUPER fast, slapping some pomade in it or whatever is quick n easy. "Fixing my hair every day" was a MAJOR factor in me being intimidated out of cutting it in high school, BUT IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN!!! I was FOOLED!!

Ummm ahh what else. I was worried I'd miss my long hair since I'd had it for so long and tended to fiddle with it a lot just to so aomething with my hands.

But from what I remember, I didn't miss much about my old hair after I cut it. I tend to like it being long enough on top to twirl between my fingers, and it wasn't at first so I missed that as a stim, but otherwise it really felt like getting rid of a burden!

I don't get it randomly tangled in things anymore, I don't have the Literal Weight On My Shoulders, I don't finding shedded hairs wrapped around things all the time, there is NOTHING in my face when I eat!!!!!!!!!! It has been MONTHS since I found one of my own hairs in my mouth!!!!! It is nigh impossible to get even the most treacherous pancake syrups in my hair!!!!!! It's amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also never DID anything with my long hair, because every time I tried anything more ambitious than a ponytail it would hurt my scalp more than I ever felt The Look was worth, so I didn't find myself missing any old hairdo possibilities either. I'm still not ambitious about styling it, but I don't have to be :) even for semiformal events :D it's awesome

#asks

[sophieinwonderland]

how did you get so far into denial about being trans, you had to create a new identity to deflect it all. mate you can be trans. you ended up twisting around beliefs that you have ended up supporting things that made it ok but still didnt address the original event. also you dont have did or osdd please stop speaking over people who do.

It's always weird to me how accusing people of "speaking over" others has become a way of silencing any disagreements. Having a disorder doesn't give people special insight about anything other than their own experiences. It doesn't automatically make you informed on every type of experiences and any similarities that may exist between them.

Having a dissociative disorder doesn't grant an authority to claim the experiences of endogenic systems are fake.

It’s no different than when transmeds claim authority to decide who is "really" transgender or when psychotic IRLs fakeclaim Otherkin and push a narrative that the only way to view yourself as nonhuman or a fictional character is by having a psychotic disorder.

Personal experiences are so valuable in so many ways... but they don't give you a window into other people's brains. They don't give you some magical authority to be able to fakeclaim others because their experiences are different from yours.

As to the fakeclaiming at the beginning... first, gross... second, I want turn this into a PSA for anyone reading.

PSA: it's not normal to have "genders" who talk to you in your head with their own sense of self and memories.

If you find yourself with multiple genders... and those genders have their own names... and they have conversations with you in your head with their own internal voice that you recognize as them... and your memories of what "you" did while "you" were that gender feel like you're remembering things that happened to someone else...

Those probably aren't just genders.

#ask box #plural #syscourse #lgbt #gender fluid #plurality #multiplicity #endogenic #system #actually endogenic #plural system #endogenic system #actually plural #mogai #genderqueer #gender identity #gender stuff #gender #lgbtq #transgender

[ranmagender]

i really hate how we can never have nice things and how being non-cishet you just constantly have to walk on eggshells because like the chances of a creator of a thing you like being not only a scumbag but actively wants you dead is high and that of course goes for all marginalized folks. this is that privilege people talk about.

if you're a person of privilege, for the sake of argument a neurotypical cishet white guy, like the day to day politics dont really affect you and creators funneling money into hate campaigns isnt really something that concerns you or even something you have to think about.

i often think about it. how many people i once looked up to support autism speaks. how many creators i loved turned out to be bigots. how many childhood favorites turned to bittersweet memories because the creators funds and promotes the death of trans people like myself.

it honestly makes me really sad

#five nights at freddy's #harry potter #jack black #dolly parton #fandom #minecraft #cd projekt red #gaming

[hikari-ni-naritai]

3 6 10 11 12 18 21 23 26 27 29 30 31 36 45 50 52 54 55 57 58 59 60 62 69 (nice) 74 76 86 87 90 95 97

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

man . theyre both kinda. painfully sweet. bubblegum i guess? i also like cotton candy tho its just hard to pick

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

i dotn know what like. most of these words mean. how are half of these related even. tomboy.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

man i fucked hard at dodgeball

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

these days shredded wheat

12. name of your favorite playlist?

the fuck is a playlist

18. ideal weather?

yknow, cloudy, warm, smells like its about to rain

21. obsession from childhood?

warriors cats babeyyyy. and bionicles

23. strange habits?

man i KNOW ive got some but i cant think what they are. i do this wrist flick manoeuver to crack it.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

if im actually out in the warm weather? take a nice walk maybe.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

yknow. i havent done it in ages but i really like doing jigsaw puzzles. maybe put some jazz on.

29. best way to bond with you?

i dunno honestly! i dont have an answer to this one. it takes a lot of time and effort i think.

30. places that you find sacred?

the woods. the woods the woods the woods you have no idea. the woods. its the woods.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

i would die if i tried to do either of those things

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

like...... charlie the unicorn i think.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

fantasy obv

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

god there was something that destroyed me but idr what it was. the hardest in recent memory was me trying to tell a REALLY really stupid joke that wont make sense to any of you. i did not manage to say it bc i was laughing too hard.

52. favorite font?

i absolutely do not have an opinion on this

54. what did you learn from your first job?

you know at mcdonalds in order to work the grill you have to be willing to put your arms under a hot piece of metal that drips boiling grease on you? thats what i learned.

55. favorite fairy tale?

what IS my favorite fairy tale....... we'll go with red riding hood bc her modern interpretations are always the cutest

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

damn what. uhh ok, having to rebuild my entire social life after the shit that happened a couple years ago, the several year process of going from hyperconservative christian to a . whatever the hell i am now. some kind of far left girl. and uhhhh. figuring out i was trans i guess? idk

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

four??? im good at ff14 raiding, im good at writing, im good at.... uhh... im pretty funny i think, annnddddd uhhh. i dont know that its a talent, but i like to think im good at making people feel safe talking to me.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

heh... guess i shotcha... uhh 'god im fucking tired'

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

ISEKAI OBVIOUSLY specifically something like slime 300 but ill take almost any of them.

62. seven characters you relate to?

SEVEN............ god.... uhh hanako ikezawa, hikari finalfantasy (im cheating), (god i got to ONE and already had to start cheating...) yumiella dolkness, man im tappin out. look at my list of ocs i put way more of myself into them than there could ever be in any other character

69 nice. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i feel like i know how i know most of my fun facts bc if i didnt i would not really know if i could believe them or not.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

like 8 or 9 probably. i dont really go below a 5 so. its gotta be like migraine or vertebral artery dissection bad before im like 'i should really get some meds'. unless im doing it preemptively which ive done for like when ive got raid later.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

man fuckin SCALLOPED POTATOES BABEY

86. cookies or cupcakes?

the amount of qualifiers this question needs.... cupcakes tho probably.

87. your greatest fear?

dying.

90. luckiest mistake?

i mean most of my mistakes havent been lucky, the best i can think of is when i accidentally followed my girl @handinvampirichand and now we're mutuals with wildly different taste in things but we're cool.

95. favorite app on your phone?

i like tumblr

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

uhh mine, my moms, my moms house, my brother's, my dads. jg wentworth 877 CASH NOW. so thats 6

[bozothe-clown]

So this was somewhat requested by @al3x-y and motivated me to write this story about my post where Fell Bitty Sans is left in a box on the street. Here is the image.

Alright, GN!READER will be in this story and me as well, so let's begin. My trans name is Michael, not to confuse anyone.

}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{

You walked around a pretty nasty street trash scattered around the road, slowly chipping away. You followed a Bitty website that said there was a Bitty for sale many people where going to see that Bitty You had to quickly clock out of work in order to get there before to many Bitty obsessed people got there "When did your Bitty shit apply to me?" Michael questioned,"Just now, and I need you to hold that duffle a little bit like you care. " You snap. Michael grumbles and throws the duffle bag over his shoulder a little better. You smile and quicken your pace, You swiftly turn the corner and see the Bitty auction going on many MANY people raising their money in the air and trying to get...ONE BITTY! You groaned,but still it was a Bitty and it look...very weak like it wasn't being taken care of properly Michael had a look of sad in his eyes for a minute before handing You the dufflebag and floated through the busy crowd You groand and waited behind as yourself didn't want to start a fight or anything to cause a commotion You heard people yell and shout "Sounds like a fucking riot-" Before you finished your sentence a brick hit your head you screamed in pain no one stopping to see if you were okay not even Michael.......

You frantically screamed Michael's name before You were picked up by a floating humanoid person which you had recognized as Michael but with bits of blood on his clothes You opened your mouth to say something but Michael stop you "everything went well the bag and everything in one piece now let's get out of here and take care of you at home" he said while carefully picking you up and walking away "did you get the Bitty?..." You quietly ask not see the Bitty since the fight ended Michael cleared his throat "yeah the Bitty is in the bag looks like the person selling it gave the Bitty some drugs making it pass out and have little to no memory of what the "owners" did to the Bitty..." Michael said, approaching Your apartment he then opend the apartment door and set you down on the couch and start to take everything out of the bag You turned your head only to see that the Bitty was most definitely drugged you wanted to cry right on the spot but you held back. Michael could tell by the way that you look you wanted to cry on someone shoulder and he knew that feeling all to well he put his focus back onto the Bitty and getting it all settle into the apartment after that is done he walks to you seeing you wipe some tears that have fallen lose from your eyes he felt the pain you felt for the Bitty he sighed and gave you hug allowing you to either pull away or fully hug him and then seconds later you find yourself crying into Michael shoulder you hated the way that this town has treated Bitty for the bast 5 years you’ve tried to help as many Bittys as possible but you were either to late or the Bitty was far from alive and this is the only time that you have succeeded in taking a Bitty that isn’t….dead or you were to late you had so many mixed emotions you didn’t know what to feel the Bitty start to awake for it drugged slumber you want to get up and cheer but right now your head hurt and you didn’t want to scare the bitty anymore then it already is.

"So you're telling me cops can just come into YOUR apartment and say that YOU are an unfit parent WHEN THERE ARE LITTERL ABUSTIVE BITTY OWNER THAT THEY DONT TAKE CARE OF AND THE BLACK BITTY MARKET THAT THEY ARENT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT GOD FUCKING STUIPD SOCI-" Michael was furious You had explained this becasue cop would come to your house often but you knew some abusive Bitty owners that's the cops didnt arrest or do anything about "Yeah...i can't do anything about it no one can do anything the police are just to ignorant and stupid little twats." You explained the bitty had woke up a little while ago the Bitty was missing and the bitty goes by Fell or Red for what he had told you "Them cops are fuckers they ain't gonna ever change..." Fell mumbled You cradled Red in your hands he had been shivering for quiet a while and rolling him up into a little tiny blanket like a burrito was the best and fastest way you could warm him up without him losing heat in your hands. You had some left over bitty clothes from your pervious attempts Michael had finally calmed down enough to make some food for the three of you and it was something simple just some noodles, Alfredo chicken, broccoli bits, carrots, and some chopped up onions and plated the ingredients together for You, Michael, and Red. The three of you started eating dinner that was prepared by Michael, and by the food gods, was it good.

You starts to worry it was around 9:00 a'clock and Fell haven't fallen asleep he was shivering You gave him a heated weighted blanket it was pretty warm by your standards but he was still shivering. You started to think that Feel was starting to dislike his stay at your apartment Michael knew what the problem was but You being the stubborn ass you were wanted to figure out the problem without cause any more damage to the problem then there already is Michael has floated over to you and leaned close to you "he has separation problem you fucking idiot he terrified that he'll get taken by thises drug hobos again moves his little DIY bed to your bed I'll be there in a minute" he mumbled to you and floated back to the kitchen to gather some things You sighed of relief and slowly and carefully picked up Red and his mini DIY bed and walked up the stairs Fell had curled up to your neck his shaking had stop almsot immediately he had some little rubber ducky PJ'S on he tryed to bites you when you try putting them on him at first but then he slowly leaned into the design of thr PJ and realized they weren't to bad to sleep in you opened your bedroom door and had layed Red and his blanket and pillow onto your bed his DIY on your dresser you curled up onto the bed securing Fell by cupping his backside with your hand making sire he wouldn't fall off the bed Michael soon came up to the bedroom with his ha dmade Link sword....-

"Michael put that fucking thing away!"

"Y/n- it to insure that Red feels safe!"

"Your motherfucking Goblin of shit"

"Look at him!"

*Red eyes are sparkling*

"Michael if you put that in the bed I'm going to make you sleep in the closet"

"Don't be harsh darling"

"Red- *pinches his cute chubby cheeks* your so fucking adorble"

*Red growls with cuteness"

With the conversation coming to a close the three of you settle into the bed and fall asleep the only reason that you and Michael share a bed is because well Michael dosent live with you he has his own place but he mostly stays at your place is refuses to place a mattress on the floor or in the gues bedroom that's still needs remodeling.

And that's the end folks sorry the the long wait and the username change and such but I need a new style I'm working on other fandom story's and such that will be coming out if you want more of this story please like and religion for more but I will be intending to do a part 2 thank you everyone who has like the first post of this.

#fell sans #sans au #y/n #fluff #fanfic

[psychoticallytrans]

This is gonna be a weird question, and im sorry in advance if i dont word it the best. is it possible to only have temporary psychosis, or, i guess, episodic psychosis? im bipolar (type 2, i *think*, my psychiatrist isnt one for divvying the two up tbqh and im not either) and back when i wasnt medicated, during 2021ish, i had what was most likely a psychotic depression episode (and have probably had more before, but my memory is really bad). i didnt get that diagnosed; i told my school counsellor about how i was feeling and she just kinda went "thats... a little out of my paygrade" sdfghjk. now that im medicated i dont have those kinds of episodes anymore, but, well--my symptoms have gotten worse lately, likely due to stress (i am a trans man, easily clockable as trans, living in florida, plus i've had life stuff going on) and i suppose im just wondering if you have any advice for trying to catch an episode before i'm near the end of it. sorry if this is technically easily-google-able, but i'll be honest, i dont trust random articles more than i trust people with the conditions they're talking about, given how stigmatized a lot of mental illnesses are. thank you for your time !! have a good day !!

No, it's not weird at all! It's certainly not easy to google, if you want accurate information. I'm glad you felt comfortable coming here to ask. Psychosis is a symptom. Specifically, it's a response to stress. Some disorders, like bipolar, make you more prone to it than average, lowering the amount of stress that needs to be applied for you to experience psychosis. For some people, the bar is zero stress applied for them to experience psychosis. For most people, the bar is pretty high, requiring major stress sustained over days for them to experience it- and when the stress is removed, they are no longer psychotic. In other words, the vast majority of people's psychosis is temporary!

It sounds like that for you, the amount of stress required is lower than most, and you're looking out for how to manage an episode. That's a great question to be asking, and I'm glad you're taking care of and looking out for yourself.

The first thing is to think back to your first episode, and think about what symptoms you experienced. Were there hallucinations? Delusions? What were they about, and how did they feel? Identifying what you experienced can help you figure out if you have an episode coming up. For me, the first thing is always hearing things that aren't there, like footsteps. Figuring out what your first thing is can help a lot. Next, think about what might help you figure out what is and isn't real. For visual hallucinations, a lot of people use their phones to check by looking through the camera app. For auditory ones, earplugs and recording then playing back sound are both common ones. For hallucinated smells, most people use nose plugs, but I use essential oils because they work better for me. I cannot smell anything past them, so anything that doesn't smell like the oil ain't real. For taste, I hear a lot of people use an ice cube on the tongue, but I don't have those. Anyone who does, please chime in! For tactile ones, usually touching the spot yourself will help.

Delusions are more complicated, especially when you're in the middle of them. The strategy that works best for me is basically examining my thoughts. First, I figure out if it's rational or not by applying logic. Why am I thinking this? Does it have a good reason behind it? Next, is this thought going to harm me or other people? If not, I leave it alone. You can choose to examine your benign delusions if you like, I just choose not to.

If it is (a common one that falls into this category for me is paranoia about leaving my home when I need groceries), I essentially start laying out an argument against myself, using my past experiences and research to resist the irrational thought (ex. going to the store is safe, even if it wasn't I can kick most people's asses, and if I can't do that I can scream loud enough to alert anyone within about a quarter mile, and even if something crap happens to me, I'm trained in First Aid and regularly update my training.). This can be difficult, and sometimes fails for me.

I also noted that you specifically had psychotic depression. this ca make things harder, because it's hard to do things when you're depressed. I recommend prepping for the possibility of an episode. Find ways to make your life easier. A list of self-accommodations you may find helpful:

Get some meals you can microwave. Make sure your meds are right next to something you can take them with. Try to keep enough clean laundry around that you won't have to do laundry during the episode. Disposable dishes and utensils are another great accommodation. Have a big trash bin you can pile trash into, and a misc box or hamper so that you can shove shit in it that you don't have the energy to put away, so you still have a floor to walk on safely.

The episode will be over, eventually, and you'll need to take care of whatever happened during it, but the better you take care of yourself during it, the faster it will be over.

If anyone else has advice, please feel free to add on!

[bulletsgirl]

sorry i need to write this and im really frunk but i need to type it anyway. when i was going home as many peopl know the first thing i did after top surgery was put on welcome to th ebblack parade. and i burst into tears. ic ouldnt help it. i was so happy. i was so fucking. and my dad. my dad hadnt seen me cry in fivce years. and he said so. i ahdnt reqalzed it had been so long. but when he sadi that he said should i pull ovcer because truly he didnt know what to do. he didnt. but tears streaming down my face i was like. please just listen. listen. do you understand what this was to me. what it was. there is clear memory of being 14 at a waterpark and looking agt my mom. while i wore a bikini and asking her to accept that i was a boy. i felt stupid . i felt righteous. i remembered gerard. my mom told me she'd never respect that and neither wuld my dad. one day they did but it took me threatening to never spewak to them. the thing is -> i could not give a fuck . DO OR DIE. youll never make me. go ancd trhy. youll never break me. WE ANT IT ALL. WE WANN APLAY THIS PART. and gthen. i looked my dad in the eye. the man who two years elarier would have nedver thought he could accept that iw as trans. the man who was driving me home from getting my top surgery at 5am. and thorugh tears along to gerard i muttered. i wont explain. or say im sorry. im unashamed. im gona show my scars. and in that moment i touched my chest. where the bandasges where. i knew i was being ridiculous. i knew i was crying from happiness even tohugh i hadnt cried from sadness since i was 14. and i said give a cheer for all the broken. dad. and listen here because its who we are. BECAUSE IM JUST A MAN (im not but i am) im not a hero (i never was and im not now) im just a boy(of course i am. of course) who had gto sing this song <- and the thing was if i hadnt gotten top surgery or started t i wouldve killed myself. i just wouldve. but of course i didbt. i was who i wanted to be. finally. i was in that car and id never been closer to what gerard was saying. i was there. finally. finally. finally. i was who i wanted to be. the drains were still attached, i hadnt seen my chest yet, and i was who i wanted to be. thank god. thank myself, because i was the one who fucking TRIED. TO . GET THESE THINGS. only me. in alabama, when i had to leave the state for almost a year just to get testosterone, i tried. and i did it. i did it. i did it. i am who i am. i am a man but im not a man. by virture of the fac tthat im not a hero. im j ust aboy. who had to lplay this part. isnt taht crazy. i had to. i dont anymore. i am who i am. i love who ia m. no matter how bad life gets. who i am is beautiful. i love it. i cherish it. and then when black parade ended i played mama. the song that when i was young made me ralize i was transgender. and i remembered how i felt the first time i heard it. walking in circles. outside mh house with my headphones in. so so young. realizing what i was. finally. and being scared so scared i stopped listening to mcr. nd now i think. i had no idea. that htings could be okay. that my body could be my body.and now it is. thakn you my chemical romance. THANK YOU WASHINGTON <- me. because i deserve to be thanked for being myself. k bye

#actuall ysober me dont delete this its beautiful and true and you know it