#i dont like comparing traumas

[albino-whumpee]

Mentioning Sann and Al on therapy is so embarrassing. I already know what they truly mean to me, man, don´t say it outloud like that. 

Tho, I have the sensation that my therapist messes who is who sometimes, so sometimes his examples arent very accurate. But something that made me relax was his words about their relationship. How Sann first started reciprocating his feelings because he felt indebted and slowly realized he didn´t have to pay back even if there was nothing specific that provoked it was somewhat relieving. 

But I wonder if he understood later he feels lacking and frustrated when he can´t give back the care and comfort Al provided when he was recovering from his conditioning, because he feels that its not an equal exchange and sees the impact in Al´s depression turning worse and worse.

#he knows he is not supposed to take care #like being completely responsible for his feelings #but he feels like he isnt helping at all #and all the strategies al used for him dont work the other way around #so he cant even imitate him #and its so hard #because he didnt fight all the trauma himself #he somehow just allowed time to heal him #and proximity with al helped #but for al #it doesnt work that way #i dont like comparing traumas #but albus trauma is not something sann wouldve been able to endure #so sann is at a loss on what to do #even if he tries his best with what he knows #i think it hurts him so much to see al understand that #and that he kind of doesnt expect him to help him #as if he was used to dealing with everything and himself all alone #it fuels his anger and drive tho #he wants to prove he can be helped #and that he can help #ah the baby #wuv u sann

[onejellyfishplease]

Okay so in my Strained Eye au, Raph definitely does have major issues just like his brothers. but his is a lot more subtle and insidious than theirs.

his problem is they he keeps comparing his own trauma to his brothers. he says when hes going through isnt that bad because 'look at what his brothers are going though' and 'he should just suck it up'. because what right does he have to be upset about this? his brothers are going through way worse.

and sometimes, when an 'oh no' mental issue presents itself, Raph has the anxieties that hes just making it up to 'fit in' with his brothers. because he subconsciously also wants the same care and worry he gives his brothers over their power drawbacks.

This all presents itself in some hefty anger issues of course. and being way too overprotective of his brothers and their power drawbacks -which can sometimes get on their nerves too.

#Raph: compares trauma #surely i am the sanest one #so i have to look after all these bozos #i cant have any issues myself #because then im just trying to be like my brothers #yeah he says the has the best mental health but he really dont lol #strained eyes au #exuse my rambling #tmnt #tmnt raph

[beansschool]

OK I am obsessed with this HenRen family plot Mara has my whole heart and deserves all the good things

#mara 911 #911 spoilers #911 abc #911 #hen wilson #karen wilson #denny wilson #henren #wilson family #And i know the dog scene was odd for some people but i dont think they were comparing her to a dog per say #like yes it caused Hen's brain to click but not in a she should treat her child like a dog way #but reminded her to be patient and kind and thats something I think transcends species in this scenario #also if anyone thinks a terrified dog should die for a trauma response please fuck off #as someone who has been bitten by a similarly reactive rescue dog they deserve our grace #got off topic there sorry im just passionate about this

[blinkpen]

i will read chainsaw man when it concludes and we are officially in the clear to Not have gotten done like Usagi Drop at the very last second

#i want to have faith bc the author clearly has better nuance w heavy themes of abuse n complex trauma that can be difficult to find #but it is still not an impossibility? we've learned to never underestimate how steep a bad ending can plummet. it is my One Fear t shirt #apollo please do NOT hit me with the ball #i want to be able to dive in and enjoy i really do #sporadic warbling #reminds me i still need to check out dorohedoro (sp?) bc like CSM friends i share writing with tell me i share vibes with it #though i know next to nothing about dorohedoro's plot compared to CSM which i have absorbed a lot of from osmosis #i'd like to stay blind for doro so dont try to pitch it to me by spoiling it i will get to it on my time

[scalpelsister]

also this isnt really proper shade at larian or anything and the writing of this game is SAURE good so dont take it this way but.

i sure do wish. Minthara was not villain batted as hard as she was. Her being locked to "evil" runs and being mutually exclusive with several party members. Her being nothing more than a miniboss for your average player- who does not even know shes a potential party member! Her being so chronically unloved by the community because... shes the "evil" companion. Hell, even the amount of people saying frankly really edgy shit about killing her or hurting her completely unprompted lmao. Like I genuinely think shes been pretty unfairly demonized both by the community and by the meta of just like... the game itself because she's really actually..... kind of, dare I say, sweet? if you get to know her. ugh.

#also if i had two nickles. shes sylvanas all over again lads i fear #idk obviously larian handles her character much better than wow ever handled sylvanas but its genuinely like #kind of eerie how similar they are and how hard they where both villain batted considering how evil they actually are #ESP compared to their male counterparts #like i would argue that neither of them are any more evil- and likely are even less evil- than a lot of the men in the same game that #are not villain batted at all. #like every character in warcraft is a war criminal so sylvanas is hardly uniquely evil on that front #and i have a hard time buying that minthara is anymore inherently evil than astarion lol #idk again larian handles trauma much better and it feels... inauthentic to accuse them of not treating minthara well because shes #traumatized. thats def not the argument im making here but it IS really sad to relate to / find catharsis in another traumatized elf #only for her to be. villain batted just like the last one :/ #idk. its just a bummer. #like again thankfully its not a thesis of larians like. karlach and shadowheart and laezel are all beautiful and wonderful examples of like #traumatized women allowed to be angry and validated for being angry #BUT im selfish haha i want my bestie minthara to be able to have a happy ending w the rest of us and i dont want to see her demonized for #idk being a traumatized angry woman like!! it seems outta place for that to be the message but #whatever im rambling ive lost the plot #my post

[dirtytransmasc]

alicole, but they're not in love in the traditional sense. like, they're just so desperate for meaningful, intimate, personal relationships where they can be vulnerable with another person, that they turn to find solace in one another.

like I'm not saying they're like a qpr or some variation of it, or like, that do to their individual traumas and experiences with love and relationships and sex in the past that their relationship has a aro/ace undertones to it... but that's also exactly what I'm saying, I just don't know how to fully articulate the concept in my head.

they don't have sex, they tried, but both ended up feeling sick to their stomachs, their touch burned one another a skin, and Alicent felt trapped like she had with Viserys for all those years, not only because of how her trauma effected her view of sex, but also because she was once again forcing herself to sleep with a man when she had no desire for it.

instead they hold one another steady, offer kind words, spend time with one another simply because it is nice to find leisure in other people. Cole helps with the kids, giving them some semblance of a father figure, of a protector and nurturer.

touch is a complicated subject, so foreign and damaged that the thought of it is nauseating, but in time it comes naturally.

she is not his, he holds no claim over her, and he is more than ok with that. he offers himself in his entirety, swearing his life to her and her children. they are not one, but they make each other whole.

#I dont even know #like #the image is in my brain but I can't turn it into words #and they're so messy and so complicated and so repressed and the religous trauma is all encompassing #they just need to hug it out or something #they'll be fine #its 3am and I have a migraine so this probably sounds delusional #but they are repressed sapphic/repressed malewife solidarity #they're desperate for something they know they will actually have so they make it work #if that makes sense #alicent hightower #pro alicent hightower #criston cole #he's my little guy #pathetic and flawed #but my little man none the less #alicole #surprised by how much I like this ship #its very left field compared to my typical taste #but were vibing with it #hotd #house of the dragon

[whoviandoodler]

one of the things that makes mdzs SUCH a great story is the fact that it's a tragedy with queer protagonists, but their queerness isn't the cause or the center of the tragedy. it's not even related, really. it's a story about love and loss and wrong and right, about what we owe each other and what we owe ourselves, about how you can find joy even amidst chaos and grief; its complexity and tragedy is what makes it so profound and touching. sure, there's 'casual' queerphobia in the story, but with everything else going on, it's not really relevant- wwx's mostly like, 'oh, i like guys? i like lwj? i love lwj? fuck, what if he doesn't love me back? am i being presumptuous to think he returns my feelings? what do I do now?' followed by 'wait, he loves me back??? we're getting married IMMEDIATELY', and that whole attitude is very refreshing because sometimes you just want to read a queer story that isn't about queer suffering but that's still incredibly miserable, and i think we as a queer community deserve it

#mdzs #lwj #wwx #lan wangji #wei wuxian #mdzs thoughts #dan talks #wangxian #obviously the story has its issues but. FFUCK i just want something to break my heart w/o having to read thru queer trauma #ik danmei in theory isnt aimed at queer audiences but compared to like. some of 'made for cisshet women' queer man content ive read in #the past mdzss iss a breath of fresh air. imo most issues lie w the sex scenes and the INSANE lack of lube but. #ill forgive it this once #their dynamic and love story is otherwise great. just dont take it ass sex ed lol ud fucking die #the sex scenes are funny tho. im always cackling and going YOURE GOING TO KILL EACH OTHER GOD SLOW DOWN #also in gen we need to uh. do better w tws bcs theres a LOT of noncon rp in there and i didnt see it mentioned anywhere in the fandom after #hours of being around it. books do tws plssss someones going to run headfirst into there and not have a good time

[grimalkinmessor]

SHUT UP ABOUT THE PERCY JACKSON VS HARRY POTTER DEBATE SHUT UP ABOUT THE PERCY JACKSON VS HARRY POTTER DEBATE IT'S BEEN MONTHS WHY IS IT STILL CIRCULATING MY FEED. IF I SEE THAT STUPID ASS TWEET THAT STARTED IT ALL ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I'M GOING TO START DRAWING THEM HOLDING HANDS AND MAKING OUT SLOPPY STYLE AND MAKING SWEET SWEET LOVE ON A BED OF ROSE PETALS I AIN'T PLAYING WITH Y'ALL NO MORE

#grim rants #percy jackson #harry potter #they would BESTIES and im tired of yall pretending they wouldnt #theyre not fighting theyre bonding over trauma your honor #percy cuts off voldemorts head and harry vanishes aries' kneecaps #they compare cool swords and percy lends harry medusas head to put in the dursleys fridge #harry lends percy his invisibility cloak so he can sneak around olympus and fuck with the gods #srsly stop using one of my favorite characters to bash another one of my favorite characters #its really making me start to not like percy on principle #DONT DO THAT TO ME #I LOVE PERCY #keep clowning and ill make it a foursome with added dionysus and dumbledore domt fucking test me #ill make new accounts every time you block one. ill post it under the tags thirteen times a day. you will not escape me

[suncaptor]

the thing is that I do think John would in his mind do just about anything for the concept of Sam's life! I don't think that the degree of which John abuses Sam or the way Sam is scapegoated in their family and targeted with that abuse changes it. I don't think the fact that Sam could potentially be something John needs to kill changes the urge to save him. In fact, I have a feeling some of the urge of John's "must find Mary's killer" COMES from the terror that her killer has something planned for Sam.

However, John still. Thinks Sam might need to die one day. And he loves Dean just as much! And I don't mean that John loves Dean more because he isn't the target of the vitriol as much, but it IS clear Dean is safe from whatever demonic influence Sam is under. There is no way John would save Sam over Dean based in this. Dean is safe from someone needing to kill him. Sam's death out of John's hands is in some ways (though John would obviously grieve him and actively does not want it) a relief.

#btw to be clear when i talk about sam being the target of abuse like this i am not trying to compare harm of the overall abusive situation #they were all in at all. i just mean the specific dynamic of actions rather than the impact of neglect & Dean's fear of becoming that target #and peacekeeping #like john took his anger out in sam far more. does not mean theyre not both traumatised not trying to compare there. anyways #i dont know why i feel the need to explain that its obvious but fnnsskka i am not negating Dean's trauma #spn #incoherents #sammy #supernatural #dean #sam winchester #john winchester #john

[bosspigeon]

man i wish i could draw comics i had such a good idea for a rly good character backstory one for Moss

#pidge babbles #oc: moss #ive finally given him a pre-lobotomy name!!! #it was maw :) #it's between him and orin who i think had a very contentious relationship bc i think they did have a pretty intense rivalry #but were also very much uuuuh trauma-bonded bc who else could understand them??? #maw absolutely saw her as his sister and the only one who was even remotely close to him in terms of power #but he was also very cold and calculating and uuuuuh brutally honest bc he saw no point in mincing words #he was more into mincing flesh #but he and orin absolutely butted heads over methods and abilities #and maw always saw himself as Intrinsically Superior #not because he was Daddy's Favorite but because he was made to be the perfect Bhaalspawn #he didn't *think* he was better than Orin #he simply *was* #to him there was no arrogance in that statement #ANYWAY my friend gave me his old surface pro so i could try to get back into digital art #and i finally got a charger for it #and i dont think it is salvageable unfortunately #he's gonna fuck with it and see if he can get it to work #but if he can't oh well #i got it for free #im bummed but like not mad about it u kno #i have been looking into a refurbished one #and idk maybe i can save up and see if i can drop a couple hundred on one i know for sure will work #it'll also be nice to have a comparatively light and portable laptop #my old laptop is a gaming laptop and as such is Really Fucking Hefty lmao #huge pita to carry around #its also 10 years old and slow as balls #ANYWAY here is my ramble i am slowly trying to get back into being creative again but idk #shit's been whack for the last few months

[hella1975]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you currently being the same age as Nanook and beginning the story when you were 17, would also mean that you were OLDER than Tomkin was when the men left for war? Or am I misremembering Tomkin's age

nope you're spot on tomkin was only sixteen when he went to war! im going to cry

#like dont compare trauma and all that but tomkin and nanook joining the war effort as literal teenagers #is sadder to me than what happened to the gaang? #hmm maybe not sadder persay but it's DIFFERENT and the grief is different i think #like the gaang left to persue a destiny and they were too young and saw too much #but they stayed in their group and they were individuals and they KNEW their presence meant something. like they were important #they were ACTIVELY CREATING CHANGE #whereas tom nook just joined the fray like they would have seen and been in actual battles #and yes their chief is good but at the end of the day any soldier in a war will always boil down to faceless cannon fodder #they meant NOTHING in the grand scheme of things and they KNOW THAT #and they're both non-benders going into battle against firebenders and they have no timeline for it #there's no 'if we do x thing the war will end' like to them it could go on forever #in fact they know statistically they're more likely to die before the war ends bc it could be YEARS and it's already been a century of war #and they were literally just kids through it all. stop itttt this is why they're so attached at the hip #they really found their person and latched the fuck on #ask #taob asks

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

When all of your pirate mutuals succumb to the Gaimen angels derangement and you can't join in the fun because you just do not give a fuck about them 😔

#dont read the tags im being a hater if you like good omens keep scrolling im not trying to yuck your yum or whatever im just venting #its not just the christianity thing either they're literally so not compelling to me #like this is why i get offended when people compare them to Ed and Stede Ed and Stede aren't boring like that #Azeriphael and Crowley need to loosen up and commit murder or something #anyway Pepper was my favorite character in the first season i think she should be allowed to commit arson #if season 2 had been about her going to college and being annoying in sociology class and coming up with a plan to overthrow the government #i would have already watched season 2 #but its about that angel and that demon who queerbaited yall for 2 and a half decades? yawn #its like oh boo hoo you're on different sides you dont want to break the rules #theyre fuckin rules sickos Crowley way less so than Azeriphael but still #but i also like Crowley more than Azeriphael #I think Crowley would be a mediocre blorbo with a good aesthetic if his whole arc didn't revolve around an angel with religious trauma #Like the characters I enjoyed were Anathema and Pepper and Madame Tracy and Shadwell were funny if not necessarily compelling #Crowley was fine if he wasn't attached to Azeriphale but Azeriphale fell incredibly flat #he has no fucking teeth #no shade to the actor #like I wouldn't mind Azeriphale as a character if the narritive didn't constantly keep trying to get me to care about his internal conflict #because the internal conflict of not wanting to dissapoint sky daddy is not a vibe #all of that on top of my distaste for chritian aesthetics and it's just.... #it's not the show for me #anyway incredibly unsurprising to me that Zira asked Crowley to become an angel again he would be like that #yassss king try to change your boyfriend into what you want him to be. jfc I can't with his heavenly ass #I just can't care about that kind of a rules sicko the way I can't care about Izzy unless he's a problem to be overcome

[anqaspond]

oh my gooooddd oh nooo the cult survivor in the third world has more trauma than i do lets call up the fucking trauma police

#lets not even mention the fact that i explicitly make it a fact to never compare my fucking trauma #youre doing that of your own volition just to discredit my own #like yeah white people from the fucking USA can have a myriad of mental disorders #but those same people will winge and whine about me having the same #and sometimes LESS disorders than they do #NO ONES MAKING THIS A GAME BUT YOU HOLY SHIT #one of my exes did this bitching about me playing trauma olympics when they had every disorder i have and then some #strange way to admit you never saw my experiences as real so much as you did chips to cash in to win internet arguments #also weird to use that as a dig when i to this day refuse to do the same because i dont see trauma as a fucking label game #christ i cant imagine the kind of person itd take to find it EASY to make jabs that cruel at someone you apparently loved #annnnd refer to my last posts tags for details on that

[snow-and-saltea]

yesterday i spent 45 minutes of my life watching a video essay criticising the use of cheap shock values and crossing of taboos for a video game and i went from "he has a point even if he's explaining it in a really inflammatory way" to "oh umm... i can see how he thinks that way even if i don't agree" to "oh this guy's just straight up using people on tumblr as material for an audience to get mad at like other outdated people on the internet. nvm he's just an asshole"

#yuu rambles #it was about the coffin of andey and leyley btw - i agreed w him on the first half of the video about how it felt rather noncommittal to it #concepts and themes but i recognise its not really *trying* to be serious which means its not a reasonable #framework to judge the intention and execution of its work - an apple pie does use butter in it but just bc it does #doesnt mean you get to compare it to steak; a dish that also uses butter. this is intuitively easy to understand for me #but nonetheless it was like 3 am i had stuff to do so i just put it on my background to listen #he makes a diss at “people on tumblr” early on that i just raised my eyebrow at but shrugged it off bc its such an old joke #its lost its zinger; and im p sure its just confirmation bias from going into the tags of the thing you dont like lol if you use tumblr #normally you wouldn't come across things you dont like bc you'd have blocked them. But Anyways #then at the end he got sooo self righteous about how people on tumblr are insane and weird and showed screencaps about how twisted everyone #who likes the game are. there were some screenshots of people's post that were like “incest is bad and shouldn't be explored in media. #paragraph break‚ me who is an incest survivor and finds it helpful for working through my trauma: lol” #those types of post. but then lmfao he started going out of pocket and just mentioned the lists of other people he doesnt like which are #a screenie of a video essay about how kink is important at pride #and then some other stuff i dont remember anymore w the tumblr screenies #it was very mockingly written and said and at the end of it i felt sad i couldnt #block people on youtube lmao. like its not i dont want this guy to comment on my videos. i dont want to see his channel involuntarily #recommended to me ever again. just resorted to the most base sort of trolling behaviour he accused and judge other game devs for in his #video essay. good fucking god. the psychological projection is unreal #i dont have any strong feelings towards the game at the end of it even though i thought i would be like Eugh at first #but my bleh for any cheap gimmicks is overshadowed by my disdain for this guy's reliance on self righteous rhetoric #i discovered another new channel i really like tho after that vid!! bc i had to watch smth else to cleanse my palate lmao #they're jacob geller and freddydude! ive only seen one vid from freddydude about his essay on #detention‚ the horror game set in taiwan during the era of white terror under new cn leadership after ww2 #im personally quite jumpy so his humour and the way he edits his videos to make it silly even though its Scary #made me like it a lot!! im going through jacob geller's other vids but ive watched three specific types of terror #and the one about pinocchio which made me go :00 wow his scripts are super good! #again everything at your own discretion esp w the whole james somerton shit‚ but i enjoyed what I've seen so far #i just wanted to end this in a somewhat positive note JSHDKSJDJD the ramblings Continue... #theres a pedantic error in one of ky tags but im gonna update it when im on comp bc mobile sucks smh my head

[gothamcityneedsme]

ok this fic im reading is not as good as i was hoping it would be and in like. Meh i should stop. But im like 19 chapters in so im feeling the sunk cost fallacy

#Shitpost #everyone calls this fic gospel. And. I dont even have other fics in this fandom to compare #because i DONT read this fandom #And while this has some good emotional points its like. So. Toothless? #theres just hinted threats that never pay off and so im just hanging waiting for a threat to actually. Have weight #im like. Ok im on board with emotions but theyve been sitting around a mansion having emotions for like 100k #are we moving on yet. Is any of the threatened violence happening #How do u have a robot with a huge gun and somehow make him not threatening at all #or like. Trying to convince me a guy who has done nothing during the story. Is a threat #when its like. I think he did all the bad things before the story started #and now i be snoozin #its like it plays with the idea of having something violent occurring but the author is so addicted to slice of life #that like. Nothing happens. #the emotional beats ARE good in moments but this like dangling threats where nothing happens is killing me #like. Why is this fic gospel to people. Does. Something eventually happen? #idk maybe im being too cruel #but tbh even half of the character's emotional traumas caused by each other isnt selling me #im liek it is NOT that traumatic to meet an alternate universe you in this way #you guys are literally just chilling and chatting at his house. Waiting for a scientist to solve your problem #like they dont even HAVE to do anything #ok im done.

[caffeinatedopossum]

*chanting* I do not have to justify my suffering I do not have to justify my suffering I do not have to justify my suffering I do no-

#daily affirmation >_< #but no for real i need to not care about this #thinking about how i COULD make a post detailing the the problems ive faced that i dont talk about #but really who benefits from that? i dont think i would #and i dont think other people deserve to suffer in silence just because their problems are less severe than mine either #i dont think its useful to compare trauma or pain like that #ive maintained my compassion for both myself and others and if someone else hasnt been able to do that thats their problem #im actually quite proud that i didnt let what happened to me turn me into a jerk #i dont talk about the worst things that happened to me on tumblr dot com because its *tumblr* #its public and some of the things i have experienced arent exactly tumblr appropriate in my opinion #im waiting to talk to a therapist about them