#i dont feel anything abt it. so then whats the point of doing things like that? its just a waste of time and money if im not gonna enjoy it

[hannieehaee]

ahh i dont know if this is weird but i was just curious abt how you think svt would react to their s/o using a safeword during sex???

18+ / mdi

their s/o using the safeword during sex

content: mentions of sex, assumed established relationship, mentions of using the safe word, mentions of reader getting hurt, etc.

wc: 873

a/n: thank u for requesting!! i made it kind of ambiguous as to why the safe word was used so u can just use ur imagination for that<3

masterlist

seungcheol -

freaking out internally at having hurt you but!! externally he'd immediately jump into comforting mode and do everything in his power to ensure your safety and comfort. he'd apologize endlessly for having delayed even on second in detecting your discomfort and would spend the rest of the night cooing and pouting at you as he babied you.

jeonghan -

for once in his life he'd be caught so off guard and enter a state of shock, stopping immediately and unsure of how to proceed. even though things didnt go too far and you hadnt gotten hurt or anything, he'd still feel sooo fucking bad. wouldnt be able to joke to lighten the mood either bc he'd just feel so bad to have hurt you in such an intimate setting. would coo at you and caress you the rest of the day.

joshua -

soooo worried and apologetic. the apologies would be endless as he held onto you and ran his hand up and down your back. sex would be the last thing on his mind as he made sure you felt safe and calm. would make sure he knew what made you use the safe word so he'd never do it again.

jun -

he'd go from 0 to 100 super quickly with his brain completely disregarding what you guys were doing just a few moments ago to make sure you were okay. would ask a million questions as he checked with you. if you pointed out his still massively hard dick, he'd grab a pillow and cover it, claiming it was 100% off his mind at the moment.

soonyoung -

super apologetic lol would just mutter apology after apology after apology and hold onto you so tightly whenever you gave him the green light. he would barely even allow you a word in at first bc of how many apologies he'd be blabbering. would thank you for letting him know before things got too far bc it wouldve absolutely broken him if he had actually harmed you in any way.

wonwoo -

he'd be slow at stopping, knowing that if he suddenly were to stop he might run the risk of hurting you or scare you off. he would continue to be slow in his movements as he pulled you closer and held you in his arms, always giving you time and space to create a distance or move however you pleased. he'd apologize if he hurt you and try to do anything you needed to make sure you were comfortable.

jihoon -

irrationally scared he might've hurt you beyond forgiveness at first. this was a first for him, so he'd feel beyond apologetic and like he had committed a capital crime at having hurt you, even if it was an accident. once you both caught your breaths he'd comfort you (and himself) as he held onto you and made sure you were okay, apologizing for whatever it was that caused you to use your safe word.

seokmin -

stops immediately and becomes extremely apologetic about it to the point where he almost cries. he'd NEVER want to let his lust go so overboard to the point of even giving you the slightest discomfort so this instance would stick to him. you'd have to come to him next time u wanna have sex bc he'd wanna give you space to decide if u wanted sex again on ur own.

mingyu -

jumps off you so quickly he knocks himself off the bed with a huge tud, making himself become the actually injured one. the tables would turn, making you have to take care of the bruise he gave himself but would be consistently interrupted by him wanting to tend to you in case he had somehow hurt you.

minghao -

he'd take it so seriously even if you told him it wasn't that big of a deal, that you just felt off for some reason. none of your rebuttals mattered when he entered a zone of utmost worry for you. he'd switch things up completely, telling you to lay down while he made you a warm drink and prepared a bath for the two of you.

seungkwan -

really loud lol. he'd get scared at the situation, having never been through it and not knowing what to do. he'd end up going overboard and overcompensating in trying to tend to you after having accidentally hurt you.

vernon -

another member who would be too shocked to react at first, simply pulling away from you and blanking on what to do. after a few moments of staring blankly, he'd finally move and ask if you needed anything, checking if you were okay or if you were hurt in any way. he'd feel kind of awkward but would still be sincere in his worry for your wellbeing.

chan -

jumps back immediately, eyes wide as he freezes in place. would take him a few moments to actually get close enough to you to check what was wrong and offer his comfort. would feel soooooo fucking bad. would also feel embarrassed that he had somehow hurt you or made you uncomfortable in any way. you'd somewhat have to comfort him to make him realize it was fine since he listened when you used your safe word.

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #svt fanfic #svt x reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen #svt #seventeen oneshot #seventeen smut #svt smut

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought. #i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks. #nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder? #but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student. #everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path. #one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it. #maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for. #unrelated

[dullahandyke]

i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard

#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point #and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it! #because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared #but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure #ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit #n this deep plays into that #idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot #so i probs need to do that again #yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008 #but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like #which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit #and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it #but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it #like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head #its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever #idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me #so now im here like Uh Oh #and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff) #but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes #i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers #and im being disproven #i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63% #and i like college! i just dont like. college. #anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime

[britneyshakespeare]

He won't leave my fucking friends alone.

#tales from diana #sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe #i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again' #ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations #i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!! #i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to #he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle??? #the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong #like im the shady person and the liar. #i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back #i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself. #he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him #and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore. #if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually. #i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was. #and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him. #i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent #some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh? #i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least #a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them #theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear #and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong #even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever #i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it #i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse. #he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known. #he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity. #and will i say none of this to him? no #im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me. #i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.

[atomic-sludge]

Flipping violently back and forth between "Imposter is overrated and gets too much fandom content. I dont want to contribute to that" and "Imposter is such an intriguing and interesting villain I'd love to explore that."

#not art #text post #the thing that gets me is that for all the fancontent he gets like none of it has anything to do with how he ACTUALLY is. #man is a serial identity thief. his second and last appearance is him TORMENTING A MENTALLY ILL MAN TO HIS BREAKING POINT #because idk he fucking felt like it??? bc dan didnt take a dude stealing his identity lying down and actually did shit abt it??? #but nooo. 'teehee hes sooo gay coded' 'hes so hot ong' 'heres him in a maid dress' #lets ship him with the afformentioned metally ill man he tormented. that sounds like a reasonable and healthy relationship. #hes a shitty dude who hides his malice behind charisma and charm and yall FELL FOR ITTT #not tagging this with the fandom. dotn feel like it. if you see this and know what im talking abt good for you. #and if you happen to like the character/ship im talking abt. good for you aswell. this post aint for you move along. #rant in tags #vent in tags #character hate #ship hate #might delete this later. who knows haha not me #i pretend to hate him but when i need a villain for a psychological horror/torture scenario? guess who i think of? #dont look at me

[vote2]

i do acknowledge i need to watch what i say wrt gender women men cis ppl etc just augh.

#its like. im a trans man 100% i want nothing to do w being seen as a women i acknowledge that. i also acknowledge that I am putting #literally zero effort in my irl life to present as a guy at all. partially lack of resources and embarrassment etc stuff like that partiall #the autism i literally look in a mirror and see a guy #and i go to class go to work and until soemone explicitally refers to me as a woman i think of myself as a guy. so like its this weird #disconnect of what i actually do vs what i percieve as expieriencing in my daily life where i am objectively living #as a cis woman who just dresses and acts a bit masc. lol. #and like that doesnt bother me atm until i get to a setting where i am gendered frequently. then i feel nauseas etc but whatever ill deal #so i always hesitate whenever i talk abt women feminism men makeup beauty expectations etc (also i am mixed thai and white which #def plays into everyhting ofc ofc) as i dont know rly what is like. not fine idc if i say smthn uncouth just i dont want to at all #seem like im doing what these other trans guys do and latch onto my femininity and 'girlhood growing up' etc or like #its all dumb to me ofc im a feminist i consider anything i speak abt feminism free the nipple being against gender essiantialism etc etc #as in feminism (not that women arent/cant be femnists just in terms of im not trying to sound like a woman) and #ofc growing up as and my current life experiences have obvi had a large impact on myself how i veiw the world my political beliefs and all. #but like. im always scared it sounds like im idr the phrase someone else used but a i dont want to seem like im latching onto girlhood as #a failsafe or whatever. its just mm ykwim its a weird feeling. cause like im a 21 year old man and read my posts as such el oh el. #idk its all weird and idk if its a specific to me thing or whattttt it just like. i feel silly sometimes and i dont want my points to be #misconstrued :) anyways me posting this after rewatching and posting abt pearl has nothign to do genuinly lmfao just timing its been #on my mind after that dumbass trans guy posting abt the lonelyness he feels abt abandoning womanhood #after watching barbie. lol and then i saw someone in the comments of some ig quote it w like 30 replies all positive like get a lifeee #i understand it can feel isolating being trans and everyones relationship back to womanhood is diff and complecated but by god. shut up #anywayyyyyssss mmm okay im done whateverr #maybe all a fear in my head and literally none of this has every crossed anyones mind however it bothers me :(

[silenthillbunni]

.

#ngl i am feeling veeeeery depressed rn #idk what to do.. i dont get *any* help at all w my mental health nd it just keeps getting worse #rn i feel like there is absolutely no hope at all. no hope for a better life. no hope for me to ever get better #no hope that i'll be ok. that the surgery will go ok. no hope that i'll ever get to move away from here #i feel so fkn stuck and i just dont have any energy or motivation to do anything at all #im so fkn anxious abt my health issue nd the surgery nd recovery #on top of that im so fkn stressed bc when smth like this happens i go completely non functional #so i dont know how to do my schoolwork now. i cant go to class bc i cant focus bc of the pain nd stuff #but if i dont do school what will happen w my wellfare?? #idk idk idk what to do there are just too many things #and there is absolutely NO FKN HELP AT ALL in this wretched society #no help. my mom does as much as she can but she's also sick nd deals w years long burnout #im at a point where i dont feel like i know how to keep going. i just wanna lie down nd give up #but then i might become homeless nd that'll be so fkn much worse so i have to do smth #i need to try to talk to school nd my wellfare worker but i dont expect help #they'll just tell me to suck up the pain nd do everything anyway so idk i dont even feel like trying #im feeling more depressed than ever and it doesnt matter if i ask for help bc there is none for me #i want to get out of this nd make a life for myself but idk how #and i see NO light at the end of the tunnel at all. no light whatsoever. everything feels fkn pitch black #everythings just bad nd it is contaminating my mind completely nd idk how to stop it #i cant even cry i just feel so empty yet overwhelmed i want it all to just stop i cant keep up cant do it anymore idk how #but ending it all takes too much effort. there rlly should be just a pill u get prescribed. it is inhumane to force ppl to go thru more suff #also i wont do that to my mom so like im stuck here either way. i dont want to feel like this i want to feel ok i want to feel hopeful #and bright nd like maybe there is a chance nd way for me i dont wanna feel.. utter despair

[arolesbianism]

So. Sit with me everyone. We agree that we need to stop worshipping a person or media on the sole grounds of being gay right. Can we finally agree that it's not homophobic to criticize gay ppl with large platforms. Can we finally actually learn to think critically abt how these ppl talk abt ppl outside of their immediate identities and to recognize that just because they say they aren't bigoted doesn't mean they aren't. Please.

#rat rambles #like seeing ppl dunk on james is vibdicating and all but also. yall do realize that even without the plagerism hed still be a piece of shit #and that another white man shouldnt have to spell out to you what misogyny is #<- directed at ppl who watched mr misogyny before hand #Im not saying anyone is a bad person for not realizing. Im just saying to be more careful and attentive in the future #dont be scared to criticize the ppl you watch even if you dont think theyre a bad person #hell Ive been watching hbomberguy for years and he is certainly not perfect #like in a lot of his old videos you can rly see some unconcious ableism #and I could go on and on with nitpicks and gripes Ive had with him over the past several years but thats not the point of this post #the point is that you need to get yourself comfortable with digging deeper into the things you consume #a lot of ppl will say things like 'oh this person gave me a bad vibe but I didnt think it was this bad' #and I want to just say if you get that sort of bad vibe then fucking dig deeper!! interrogate that feeling and where its coming from! #this also applies to situations where you might dislike someone for bigoted reasons of your own #I think ppl try way too hard to train themselves to not interrogate their discomfort and it's so not good for your critical thinking skills #and in fact interrogate your comforts too #just in general thinking abt why certain things make you feel certain ways is good practice and will help you see red flags sooner #is this gay guy focusing more on gay men than gay women? why might this be? is it really the topic like he says it is? #if you think well Im also more interested in gay men that gay women in history so hes not doing anything bad #then question why you think that. idc how uncomfortable it makes you to question your views on minorities fucking do it #cause imagining you arent misogynist or racist or whatever the fuck doesnt make you less bigoted #if you want to be the ally you think you are you need to suck it up theres not rly a kinder way I can manage to put it

[dragonji]

its time for yet another brain game of am i like fully neurotic or was this genuinely not a cool situation . prize is jack shite and yet im playing anyways👍

#j.txt #vent #just like. to preface. im not bringing any of this up im just going to stew in it for the night and then move on as per usual #alright disclaimer made now i can get to the point. So. tonight is my close irl friends bday right but she didnt tell me about any plans #so i naturally assumed she was gonna do her own thing and not really celebrate. Ive had work all day and while working get a text frm her #asking if we want to go to this restaurant i introduced our group to for dinner. so i respond saying oh im off at this time if yall want to #go even tho its late i can. Never get a response so i assume theyll bring it up when i get back. get home and no ones here not a word abt #whats going on. i do my usual unwinding get ready to chill etc which takes abt half an hour. she comes back with our other mutual friends #and theyve already gone to the restaurant which is fine i get it. but they get back and say oh now we're going to this themed music night at #a club we've all been to before as soon as (other friend) changes. and then just. dont offer for me to come along or anything and leave. #which like. whatever its happened a hundred times before im used to it but Still. does it not even occur that I might want to participate?? #if i had Any notice that this was happening I could have been getting ready instead of slacking around waiting for someone to get home #its so. i try extrememly hard not to be a downer or just invite myself to things bc I Know this is how they all operate but it does still #sting that it feels like im not even thought of if i dont happen to be in the room when plans are being made lol. #and obv I am Not bringing this up rn and ruining what im sure was a really fun night for all of them #its just truly a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation yknow. but such are the whims of fate and i shall endure as always✌️

[moomeecore]

Lol why do you defend bpd Seek help fr

bpd?? like. like borderline personality disorder? like, the mental disorder? that people have??? "defend bpd"???? DEFEND it?? from what??? abelism??? misinformation?? this ask is kinda mind boggling dude. like wow.

just so u know i am getting help for my multiple mental disorders :) that i have. ik that's not what u meant by "seeking help" but what does that rlly reflect other than ur lack of knowledge on mental health issues? wow i definetly trust you to be super educated on mental disorders considering you used "seek help" as an insult. ur rlly winning me over here.

here's a genuine question for you: have you tried seeking... i don't know... a reputable source on bpd? information on what it actually is, what it actually means to have bpd? or is ur only source of information that's led you to this conclusion.. reddit posts, listsicles abt "how to spot a borderline/narcissist/sociopath uwu" & ur own personal conclusions made from meeting one person w bpd one time ever.

#god i hate ppl like this #and the nerve to swnd an ask abt it. thats so PATHETIC LMAO #u care that much??? u r THAT dedicated to actively hating ppl w a certain mental disorder?? #..and u think IM the one who should 'seek help'?? #pls try reflecting a little bit. what got u to the point where u #(and ik u did this bc i dont think ive ever said anything else abt bpd) #u saw my comment sympathising w someone w bpd who got a rlly horrible disrespectful ask talking abt how 'evil' ppl w bpd are #CLICKED on my profile. and sent me this ask #ur short sentences and use of lol dont fool me. you are WAY TOO invested and u need to find something else to do w ur life #smthn that dosent hurt ppl! that dossnt spread misinfo or make ppl feel bad or encourage stigma!! maybe try doing a little reaserch paper #on bpd where u make sure to check the credibility of ur sources rather than looking at listicles like 'top 10 signs u know a NARCISSIST!!! #or if that sounds like too much work 4 you ..u could try minding ur FUCKING buisness . log off tumblr & try like #knitting or smthn. idk man. pick up a hobby please. for ur own saks #and for the sake of all the ppl w bpd out there who ur mercilessly treating like shit in order to put urself on a moral pedestal #bc ud rather pick & choose to beleive the 'easy' perception of life where ppl can be diagnosed with Bad Person and u get to feel better #than them .... than educate urself on the real world & accept the reality that things r more nuanced & complexed than that #(this ask didnt actually piss me off as much as it may seem. its p tame. i just have been complaning abt this sort of thing latley #and jumped at the bit to ruthlessly tear apart someone w these sort of beleifs. like u came to me dude lol. thanks for the free invite to #go feral lmaoo) #text

[skitskatdacat63]

My friend wants to hang out and i want to hang out but also just have absolutely no will to leave my house and not a lot of social capacity atm and UGhhhhh idk how to express that, like yes I want to see you and yes I like to see you but I dont think I have the capacity to be a fun person lately

#i think its just my tendency to kinda go offline out of sight during break #bcs there was a lot going on before so once break hits im like okay time to be a cave gremlin #like UGH i wanna see her and i like talking to her and i hate it but it gives me anxiety #i hung out w my other friend today which was nice but it was very structured like movie and ice cream. very nice very neat #i just feel bad because i really am no fun at all lately #like. hey wanna come over and watch me rot in my room? #i just feel distant idk #and she wants to see my school at some point but i just really have absolutely no will #there was that post i reblogged at somw point abt being alone and enjoying it but feeling insane #i really really like being by myself and doing my own thing but it also just makes me be in my own head way too much #its not like i think she has huge expectations for me or anything and she knows what im like #i guess i just feel like im being disappointing sometimes bcs i really dont like to do much out and about #and so id rather just *not* than to feel that way #haha that's why i always just mostly only hanging out by going to the movies bcs its very outlined and its out #because otherwise im like 'ahhhh....dont really wanna go out at all sorry!' idk i just feel distant #vent sorry just idk ahhhhh 😭😭 dont wanna ghost her but i just feel disappointing #and im sure wed have a fun time but i don't feel the will to i guess :/ #catie on break is just social isolation sob sob sob #catie.rambling.txt

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ever sit like a corpse in your own body? #im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway. #who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what? #lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

[caruliaa]

yk i think like. im trying desperately not to depress people around me w how close to doomerism i can veer but like. at a certain point its like. the effort and exhaustion that goes into maintaining just being alive in this world is not worth what comes from being alive and like. girlies we may have reached it. el oh el.

#like obvs its different for everyone like. what i really mean is that i have reached it or like. tht was always inevitably the case #for my life. which ik feels really depressing to say nd im sorry tht it makes ppl sad but idk like. its just true at a certain point #absolutely not from a lack of trying from the good things within my life to be clear not at all like. ik have sm great parts to my life #tht like. just mean so so much to me and im so so lucky to have but as upsetting as it is to say and think abt #at a certain point having to choose between being trapped in a situation were you can never authentically exist or like #have any control over your life and exist on your own terms even in v small ways while having to constantly be around people whove #caused you so much pain and trauma and hurt and being is a situation were like. at best your constantly working to afford living and you #are constantly exhausted by this and have no time for being yourself anyway and at worst you just cant afford anything and you die #and that could happen to you at any point idk like. these are my two options and i cant change anything about that fact #no matter how much i want to and that feeling is just. so so crushing and inescapable and just idk i dont know how to deal with it #like. idk iv done everything to try to but its only ever a temporary distraction #bc the problem isnt fucking like. mental or emotional its the facts of my reality and that cant be changed #so ofc im going to be constantly fucking miserable things just. are misearble #and idk. im sorry tht thts something other ppl have to deal with when it comes to like. knowing me bc genuinly its like. #they dont deserve that its sm pain for somoene to deal with and if that someone isnt. somone whos come to term with what #my fate invetiably is like have ik its too much nd im sorry for like. putting that on ppl i just. idk im sorry #idk what up with me suddnely. i mean i do but like. idk why i cant just hold it together like. this has always been the case idk why #im letting it upset me sm suddenly . ig bc i let myself have hope at some point. like an idiot. #idk im sorry. and its nearly 1am so i think im just going to go to sleep.im so sorry for just. all of this. #lucy if your reading tihs im so sorry for not sending and answering asks but i want to say that i love you so so so much. and im sorry #flappy rambles #vent #ask to tag

[transgothicgenre]

i really like mole because it's like. it's about a lot of things. but one of the biggest parts to me is the paranoia . like. "i know what you want and you know what i want" is already so incredibly damning bc that's not how human interaction works so at least one of these parties is making assumptions. and then just following that line up with "information, information". again its the assumption bc neither party is saying with any clarity what the information is so they could be communicating on totally different wavelengths but there's still just that unspoken level of assumption. you know what i want. i know what you want. we don't need to specify at all. you know. i know.

#sorry im like. hghghhghj. march makes me weird #im also. god. i feel bad because i cannot be normal about this #no longer talking abt the goats btw feel free to ignore if youre not invested in my personal life #but ive figured out whats setting me off and its so strange #bc i thought i got over it. this is a thing of the past. literally nearly a decade ago by this point #there is not a single me that remembers it and those that do are seeing someone else's warped vision of it #but it's. a thing. and it's messing me up. and i can't stop it and it frustrates me #i tried to ask my brain to stop it and they explicitly told me 'you don't get to make that request'. #and like. on monday i thought they were deliberating about what to do but it seems like theyre not or if they are they just wont tell me #and its. sucks. cause i dont like being excluded from conversations in the first place #and then theres people talking about things that im not present for which is a large part of what is freaking me out #(i say large part. i mean a small part interwoven w the rest but i don't know for sure bc i literally don't know) #but theyre just. im not. nobody is telling me anything. and im all alone and im getting paranoid about it. so hence the moleposting #its just frustrating cause some parts are avoidable and others arent #like shes always going to know things we dont know bc thats the basic idea of it #but she doesnt have to lie. about it. and misleading. #i dont want to confront her but i get the feeling that at some point i will not be given a choice which is unfortunate #considering that's likely to be big and loud and public #and i dont like that theyre collaborating without telling us. when the informed consent is sus. but thats gonna stop soon #they said its gonna stop soon and i have no choice but to believe them bc i cant. do anything. if theyre lying #i will say i cant like. speak for all parts but some of them have been sliding me notes under the table so to speak and theyre on my side #so that's something #but i really don't wanna have to explain anything. especially not publicly especially not to her etc etc #aand im getting the headache again so that is a sign to stop. goobaba all i hope tomorrow will be better #post

[snekdood]

I mean. I do think its weird that some ppl are so eager and willing to switch their old make up out with "cruelty free" make up but then. Not consider doing that with food in any capacity. And its hard not to feel like some ppl have been convicned vegan food is cringe and that since vegans are cringe all around that everything we do and eat is also cringe. Like yall reaaaallly want to divorce animal rights from veganism and thats an impossible task. Vegans will always be part of animal welfare one way or another. Who do you think fights for cruelty free make up in the first place? Ig if you divorce them in your mind you get to pretend the two movements are entirely seperate and you're not like those Loud Cringe Vegans or whatever lmao. Like. Okay cassandra. I kinda have a feeling a good majority of the people involved in pushing cruelty free make up are vegan. Idk why substituting your meat every now and then is so fuckin hard (if you can do it) if not for how ppl react to vegan food as if its cringe. And taste to me isnt a good enough excuse bc theres a lot of vegan food that tastes good. It feels like you just like the taste of something familiar.

#i promise its a lot better than you think it is #is it exactly like meat? no. but meat doesnt have to be the main protien in every fuckin thing #sometimes a nicely crafter veggie patty os enough #crafted* #anyways theres a bunch of vegans in my motes now bc of an old post of mine #so thats why i was thinkin abt this #🙄 and no i dont think theres some way to sus out who can and cant eat meat. i think people know when they can or cant and just wanna lie #to themselves when they can so they can keep eating the tasty tasty meat. #like. you know who you are. i dont need to make you vegan bc clearly you already feel guilty enough to lie to urself 🥴 #i dont believe in Legislating Some Way To Detect Who Is And Isnt Vegan Possibly By Evaluating Their Medical History or some crap. #but ik yall gotta assume the worst from vegans so. #like why would i legislate anything. ppl who eat meat and can eat other things tend to feel guilt regardless. i dont have to do shit lol. #its all on you and whether or not you wanna keep feeling that way or if you wanna be an edgy diseffected douchebag whos just. so above #doing anything or caring about the world in any capacity bc no ethical consumption so it doesnt matter what you do or at least #you dont care so you toss your cigarette butss in the woods. #thats always gonna be my go to bc if you ever get to that point then ik that you're just a nihilist tool and i dont want to be around you. #to detect who can and cant be vegan* is a better way to phrase that #like god dude you're so cool and subversive with your combat boots that every other queer leftist has and cigarette butts you dont #care about flicking in every which way. like. ur just so coold dude. so so cool. fer sure #didnt mean cold but you're also cold hearted so thats applicable. #the fact this is a stereotype in the queer community to me should tell you enough about how subversive you think you are. #cant emphasize enough that this isnt about people who cant be vegan bc they biologically need to eat meat or theyre poor #this is about ppl who can go vegan. have the funds. have no health condjtions. knows internally that they can. but chooses not to #in spite of trying to consume ethically in other forms. like some of yall will buy cruelty free make up. buy ethically sourced clothes. #but for some reason when it comes to food you act SO fucking weird about it. its truly hard not to feel like its not bc of the narrative #around vegans. and no! i cant tell who can actually go vegan and is lying and who cant! i dont care about investing that much energy into #controlling other people!! they know when they can and they know when theyre lying to themselves and others! i dont gotta do shit! #idgaf!!! #imma let the guilt about their actions do the work my dude #and to the person reading this going 'i dont feel guilty' im sure the fuck you dont! you edgy totally different person from the rest!!!

[yellowhearther0]

sits down. whatever

#sagittarius.txt #negative #last thing on this i doont need to go on abt this forever sorry #im sad and scared and stressed andim worried im being annoying bc im just drowning in this bottomless pit of feelings im trying to avoid #instead of trying to do anything #and i know im not being annoying i know im allowed to talk about my shit but god. #i just wanna cry i dont want to do these stupid essays but i have to because if i dont then my mom will actually be pissed #and its like. shes already annoyed enough! im just fucking surprised she hasnt hit me yet #disregard that tho its been years since she has #anyways #its like #i cannot sit here and just expect things to change by doing nothing but be miserable but i just feel so overwhelmed and shitty and bad #and i could go on and on but no one wants to hear about that and i dont want to hear about that especially when i already know what im #doing wrong. i just. fucking hell #maybe i just need to shut up. who knows at this point