#i deserve abuse

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them! #i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all.. #...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in... #...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air... #...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life... #...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with... #...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it... #...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

[r0ttingangels]

Tw/cw dumb vent about being single and mentally ill , ' romanticizing ' abuse n other bad stuff(not actually, we're just extremely unwell with no help and very delusional), this is what being painful self aware looks like I think

I don't fucking understand how were single in a world with so many sickos

Like come get me!!! I'm almost stuck at the age of 7 mentally at all times, very easily manipulated AND I will bend over all the way backwards for anyone that shows me a tiny bit of love

I will change everything and anything about myself for literally anyone, you can easily make me isolate myself from everyone around me

the only fucking thing you have to do is show me a fuckton of attention, not leave me and be exclusive

Me thinks that weirdos should stop hurting innocent kids and they should start hurting us because we deserve it

#have so much more to say but cant put it into words blehh #using this account again because this one was too dark for main imo #tw abuse #actually abused #actually traumatized #child abuse #tw csa #mental illness #mentally fucked #actually mentally ill #fucked in the head #please someone show me love #ill do anything for it #literally #theres no hope for getting better #im ruined #i deserve abuse #i deserve it all #self aware

[iwasbored777]

Barbie movie never said "we need to stop men" it said "we need to stop toxic masculinity" and if that made you feel called out I got some news for you

#it's like when joker was released and everyone was like beware of victims of bullying and i was like why #and they said cuz they will kill us all #and i was like joker only killed his abusers so if you are afraid that a person like him will come for you it means you deserve it #same here #barbie movie #barbie #feminism #toxic masculinity

[srapsodia]

Maaaaan, that was close...

#persona 5 #p5 #p5 fanart #phantom thieves #my art #holding atlus by the neck LISTEN. you cant make your character's whole deal the fact that he's a survivor of abuse and then use him as a #as a literal punching bag as a joke. you cant. the joke doesnt fucking land and i WILL kill you. #anyway everyone should've rushed to hug ryuji in absolute relief when they saw him and then thank him for what he did #and congratulate him on his great running cause he's been working so SO hard to get back to that point and he deserves the praise

[dianagj-art]

This idea got out of hand way too quickly but I have no regrets<3

Isn't it fun to think that with all the crossovers One would actually have a support system of friends that care about him?

Coin Toss Michael by @gemini-forest

Bonus!

#he deserves all the hugs<3 #that's his emotional support parent figure #rottmnt fanart #rottmnt separated au #separated leo au #slau crossovers #coin toss au #rise leo #rise future michelangelo #dg art #dg fanart #dg comics #oh i forgot to put trigger warnings sorry guys #tw child abuse #cw child abuse

[evermorethecrow]

Beast chuuya :3

#words are from Dogdog by abuse kun #i didnt link it cause im not linking the same song in 2 posts in a row #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #chuuya #bungo stray dogs manga #i love him #chuuyabsd #bsd art #my corrupt art #bsd chuuya #chuuya bsd #this is beast chuuya but he doesnt look miserable enough to deserve the tag #bsd fanart #bsd beast #i changed my mind #eyestrain #eyestrain tw #tw eyestrain #bright colors #eyestrain warning #glitch effect #glitch

[gwandas]

The thing is I have no issue admitting Nesta verbally abused her sister in the beginning of the books. My issue is y’all acting like Feyre hasn’t gotten her sister back like 10x over by now. Any claim that Nesta the war refugee is abusive towards Feyre the monarch is sooo unserious like I have to laugh.

Idk why people ignore that the second her sisters turn fae, Feyre over here is talking about exercising her power as High Lady on them as if they ever agreed to be one of her subjects. Even before they turn fae, she's willing to try using mind powers on them and you want me to feel bad for Feyre because Nesta is mean? Feyre who is actually physically violent while Nesta is not?

Getting mad at Nesta stans for "coddling" Nesta while you're coddling Feyre is so asdfghjkl I'm sorry but I actually respect Feyre as a character which means acknowledging the imbalance of power. She won in the end! Nesta is doomed to serve her sister and her brother-in-law who hates her for all eternity. And she's going to do it too so she can atone for the endless guilt she feels! Congrats, take a victory lap instead of writing endless essays on chapter one of a book that came out in 2015.

#anti feyre #pro nesta #nesta archeron deserves better #acotar #not actually anti feyre disclaimer… sigh #like yeah some people aren’t going to enjoy reading about someone getting abused by the protagonists #i AM gonna coddle her bc no one else in these books is gonna do it

[yardsards]

hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.

yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.

because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.

but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.

because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."

and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.

is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.

just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.

#eliot posts #suicide mention #animal abuse mention #i guess #ive said similar before and i just said this in the tags of another post but it deserves its own post #i am fucking TIRED of reading this shit so often #i frequently block people for saying it #sometimes i report ppl over it too if they're shitty in other ways too #i luckily don't have the ''i'm a worthless piece of shit and deserve the death penalty'' flavour of depression #but i do have the ''life is endless suffering and i want to euthanize myself'' variety of depression (or. technically bipolar.) #and reading the phrase kys Feels Bad Man w my mental illness #and i have froends w the first type and i worry about them #and one of em has told me it does affect them quite negatively to read kys #so yeah! fucking stop it!

[haunted-xander]

Wholeheartedly

#(but not willingly) #they makr me insaaaaaaane bc its like. #wanting to be who you used to be. wanting to go back to when things didnt hurt all the time #ignoring the fact that even back then things were still bad #it was bad and it still is bad but now its bad and also painful constantly #and just bad is better than pain #but its not possible to go back bc ur not that person anymore #and 'that person' is now seperate from you #and he doesnt know anything #and all you want anymore is to join with him so you can both be the 'you' that was sad and lonely and abused #but at least you werent in pain #this actually doesnt have much to do with the art itself i just felt like rambling about vanitas bc hes fucked ip #and deserves therapy for *gestures vaugely* all that #vanitas #ventus #vanven #in spirit #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts birth by sleep #kh #kh bbs #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[sadgirlbadpoems]

I think that the Supernatural fandom doesn't give Dean Winchester enough credit or hold John Winchester accountable nearly enough. I would argue that John's abuse (mental, emotional and physical) and its constant effect in both boys lives is constantly downplayed by a majority of the fanbase.

The parentification of an elder sibling has been proven to cause lasting issues and we see this throughout the show; when Dean is overly protective of Sam, treats Sam's life as more valuable than his own, can't picture a life where he's not needed, and his dismissal of Sam as a valuable contributor in an equal partnership. Dean is often criticized both in canon and by fans for being overbearing and codependent on Sam. This is a direct result of John Winchester's inability to parent.

Dean's emotional repression is shown to be caused by his father's militant behaviors and approach to parenting. Dean doesn't see his feelings as valid or important and thus turns to repression or unhealthy coping mechanisms as illustrated throughout the show. His alcoholism, violent outbursts, and unhealthy relationship with sex are all coping mechanisms he uses not to feel.

Through flashbacks (and some dialog) the viewer is show that Sam is more resentful towards John than Dean, and that he even holds resentment towards Dean for being the "perfect little soldier".

That's part of the reason Castiel is such a great foil for Dean, both are loyal to absent fathers' but while Dean was born with free will he follows his father's orders unwaveringly until sometime after his death, Cass a being created without free will breaks free of the command of his father and from his father's mission, becoming for all intents and purposes a Prodigal son like Sam.

Dean's adherence to his father's word is, much like Sam's rebellion a response to continued and repeated abuse, neither brother is perfect. And their father was the furthest thing from it.

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #john winchester bashing #cw alcohol #tw abuse #cw sex mention #am i really talking about this in 2024 #spn #castiel #dean deserved better #sam did too #parentified child #sorry for the rant #i have so many thoughts #and feelings

[uncanny-tranny]

I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.

If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!

#mental health #mental health advocacy #it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and #that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people #because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy #obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished' #if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many #but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed... #...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person #i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it #and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around #it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people #it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly) #i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued #anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this #if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you #i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3

[ghostietea]

I get from a logical angle why people might be put off by her but I think it's a shame that Akito Sohma doesn't get more appreciation because she is truly one of the characters of all time. She's the evil female reincarnation of God. She's so androgynous one of the anime adaptations guessed her gender wrong. She dresses like a theater tech. She sits like a gremlin. One time someone said something that upset her and she was bedridden for months. She wore a full coverage pure black outfit to the beach in summer and then complained about the heat. She has flower symbolism. She's campy and dramatic. She was assigned male at birth for political reasons. She simultaneously looks like a twink and a dyke. She has no friends until she's 20. She passive aggressively flirts with the protagonist the first time they talk. When she's not fucking up people's lives she just lounges around at home being depressed. She's a tragic villain almost certainly doomed to be a bad person by her upbringing and part of the tragedy is that it's still her fault. She doesn't know murder is wrong. She's pretty much a cult leader but that's one of the few things that isn't her fault. All of her schemes backfire on her in a poetically ironic way. She likes the in universe Pokemon equivalent. She looks like the evil twin of one of the main characters and this is never explained because the author forgot why she did it. She's a decent transfem allegory and a bungled transmasc one. She has world's worst internalized misogyny but is willing to change her whole life the minute another woman wants to have a legitimate positive relationship with her. She's the human manifestation of a cycle of abuse who then goes on to break it. She's extremely sexy. She is simultaneously very dangerous and intimidating and a pathetic failgirl. She's a perfect foil and parallel to the protagonist. She marries a man who had revenge sex with her evil mom. The author said that she ships her and the protagonist in a no homo way. She can be easily interpreted as autistic. She has catastrophic abandonment issues. She's hiding that she's a girl but wears her kimono improperly open in a way that makes it so she's constantly at risk of accidentally flashing someone. She has daddy issues and mommy issues. She was even homeschooled.

#fruits basket #akito sohma #she's so so interesting and entertaining and I have so many big feelings about her I think she deserves her flowers #it's just that The Atrocities are an inextricable part of her and The Atrocities in question are domestic abuse so not many people like her #though I do maintain she'd be way more popular if she was actually a man

[ssaraexposs]

The way he wants to prove WRONG to Atsushi. The way he wants to prove that he's not like Dazai. He knows Kyouka deserved better from him and also knows he actually owes her. After everything they've been through, he saw the change in her eyes. He's seen how much she's grown, and how much she worked for become the girl he saw in that right moment.

#my baby my baby #babies actually #kyouka deserves all the praise she can get #she worked hard to get free #she wanted to change and she's actually changing for better #she broke the abuse cycle #aku is slowly growing up #he's not just a mad dog #he actually can acknowledge people's strenght #he knows he wasn't being fair to kyouka #he appreciates her personal growth #he just wants to be loved and appreciated #my poor boy #if dazai doesn't hug him i will #ok maybe i'll the be the only one #why couldn't chuuya mentor him ffs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #akutagawa ryuunosuke #kyouka izumi #bsd manga

[wylanslcve]

We all talk about how Wylan was abused by his father, but what I don’t see a lot of people talking about is how J*n didn’t even allow his son to grieve his mother’s loss. At that age, Wylan probably would have only started to grasp the concept of death, and he also needed time to process and grieve Marya’s finality - and J*n wouldn’t let him do either. And to make matters worse, Wylan needed his father there for him during that time and instead J*n just gave up on him. He wouldn't even let Wylan talk about his mother and instead expected him to simply suppress his grief because "it didn’t pay to dwell on the past". This would have done just as much emotional and mental damage to Wylan as his father’s abuse and I don’t know why more people aren’t talking about it.

#there’s so much about wylan that the fandom just ignores #and this one is no exception #“his trauma isn’t as bad as the other crows’" say that again i dare you #as if being an abuse victim isn’t traumatic #wylan deserves better #wylan my beloved #wylan van eck #wylan hendricks #six of crows #crooked kingdom #grishaverse #shadow and bone #six of crows spin off #shadow and bone season three #jack wolfe #leigh bardugo #sab cast #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #nina zenik #matthias helvar

[punkeropercyjackson]

Y'all.

#THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT SRUS5USU5ESTUSIE5ZTEIETIZZREUJSJSHDHDJDJDJ I MEAN GET FUCKED YOU DESERVE IT FOR ABUSING GWENDITA #spiderverse is THEE culturally accurate character designs franchise wbk🙏🏼 #anti george stacy #gwen stacy #pro gwen stacy #trans gwen stacy #autistic gwen stacy #kidcore!miles morales #catgirl gwen tag #gamer gwen #black gwen stacy #she is biracial afrolatina to ME #atsv #spiderman #ghostflower #ghostpunk #ghostbyte #dating routes #t4t dating routes #spidergwen #spiderwoman #ghostspider #gwenom #songspider #💌 #summerposting

[weird-an]

Billy isn't her brother. He's supposed to be, her mom wants him to be because Neil wants him to be, but he isn't and Max doesn't want him to.

No one asked her for this. Most of the time she doesn't even listen when Neil hits him. It's not her business and Billy doesn't want her help. Has told her many times with a puffy eye or a split lip, when she didn't say anything, but just wondered.

Sometimes it's like there are two Billy's. The one that doesn't show up very often, whispering to her how to act towards Neil to get what she wants and teaches her how to skate, always with rolling eyes and a laugh and the one that is there most of the time, closed off and biting and scratching. Full of anger, because that's the only thing Neil Hargrove can teach his son.

She isn't sure how many times it really happens, but she always feels sick when her mom and her visit Aunt Sharon or Granny and they leave them alone.

This time though she sees it. There are no marks on Billy's face, but Neil's belt is on the couch and Neil is so disgustingly happy to see Susan again - and Max, too, or so he says.

Max doesn't know what happened but the next morning Neil drives her to school and Billy doesn't leave his room.

She tries not to think about how there is no fourth plate on the kitchen table and that for one second she fears that that's it, that Billy might never have to drive her to school again - because he can't.

She presses her ear against Billy's door when Neil is busy watching some news and ranting about people that don't look like him. She can't hear anything. Neil is too loud or Billy is too quiet.

Max is about to go to bed, but not tired at all, when there's a knock at her window. She pulls back the curtain.

Steve Harrington looks like he hasn't slept in days. She opens the window.

"What are you doing here?" she whispers.

Steve seems to consider his answer, but then he just sighs.

"He isn't opening his window," he says, rubbing his face in pure exhaustion. "Is he .. ?"

"Billy?" she asks slowly. She didn't know Steve is Billy's friend. She didn't know Billy had any friends at all. Only admirers and rivals - at least here in Hawkins.

"Yeah. He wasn't at school."

"Are you friends?"

"Something like that."

Neil will kill them, if he finds out. But he isn't her father and never will be.

"Come in."

Steve climbs through her window. Nearly stumbles when he walks against the walkie talkie she left on the floor.

Neil must have gone to bed. It's silent.

She opens the door to Billy's room. She can sees his blond curls peeking out from underneath the blankets. Steve is by his side in a second.

Max closes the door. Slow, because she doesn't want to make any noise. Slower, because she is curious. She never gets to see what Billy is really like.

Steve sits next to him on the bed. Strokes his hair and whispers something. Careful, like Lucas does when she's sad, because the whole world is a shit show.

The door is nearly closed when she sees Steve kissing Billy's forehead. Maybe Steve knows a different Billy, too.

She feels light. Relieved in a way she doesn't get. She's glad Billy is not alone, she finds. Even if she didn't expect that.

Billy isn't her brother, but she will keep his secret like a sister would.

#ahhhh i just want them all to heal #billy hargrove & maxine mayfiled #billy and max #harringrove #billy x steve #billy hargrove #harringrove ficlet #billy hargrove deserves better #tw child abuse