Tumgik
#i cant find the artist or the name of this one
diioonysus · 8 months
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cats + art
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nightgarla · 4 months
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my 3 zombie killing girlfriends
reference + tighter crop under the cut :3
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Plus me and my sister struggling to come up with a shipname
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homo-house · 5 months
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re:hbomberguy, on the topic of citing sources, i want to say:
it is insane how many people on here don't even click the sources op links on their own post to learn more and just hit reblog saying "oh my i didn't know about this thank you for teaching me!". like guys CLICK THE LINK!! CHECK THE NOTES!!! CHECK THE SOURCE!.... i swear half the time the link is dead or takes you to a nonsense page (i see this a lot with art specifically???? and excerpts from magazines??) and some times the linked source disproves a claim the very post that linked it made and people just. don't bother to check, no one bothers to even reblog saying "hey that link is dead! here's a new, working link!" or "hey that link doesn't work, can you link the source again?" and when it comes to misinformation people just share without checking or looking at the notes where numerous people will (in the best case scenario) already be pointing out the misinformation
"OH BUT I CAN'T CHECK EVERYTHING I SEE ON THE INTERNET" there is a surefire way to prevent spreading this kind of stuff even if you don't have the time to fact check immediately. just accept it's fine to save a post for later if you can't look deeper into it right now!!!!! literally just reblog it in private or save the post as a draft so you can come back to it later and check. it won't kill you and in fact it will actually make your life a lot better lol
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darewolfcreates · 9 months
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Kweemon's evolution line.
Old art under cut
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Kweemon's sea horse fairy evolution thing was inspired by the digimon I drew in the lower right corner. I drew these ones back in middleschool. the only real carry overs were the transparent fins and vaguely the head shape.
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stellardeer · 3 months
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Is it wrong to be a Taylor Swift hater?
Like... is it low-key leftover internalized misogyny?
Or does her music just suck?
#idk i could go on but why bother#ive been thinking about this a lot lately#like i really used to be EXTREMELY misogynistic growing up and i started hating tswift from the beginning and never changed my mind#but i cant tell if all my reason for not liking her are actually justified or if its just confirmation bias#and the first name she gave was taylor swift. and i couldnt help but laugh out loud. (over text#but i genuinely dont find her music interesting#i did like that blank space song the first time i heard it#but after listening to the words i realized i didnt really connect with it and didnt like it as much#but its got a really fun melody#idk its also kind of like that post thats like 'were you an OG justin bieber hater at age 13 just because?'#like is part of my disdain for her just stemming from my need to dislike popular things in general cause im a pretentious little indie lover#who knows idk#maybe i shouldnt hate taylor swift#hating taylor swift isnt a personality trait#but also i cant stop thinking about this one girl i matched with on tinder who said she was going into hearing medical sciences#because of the profound effect that music has had on her in her life#and i already knew exactly how she would answer this question just from looking at her but i asked her#what artists she enjoyed that had such a profound effect on her#and the first name she gave was taylor swift and i couldnt help but laugh out loud#(over text tho she did not hear me thankfully)#idk maybe i have nothing againt the woman as a person (i dont fucking know her so i cant) but im just annoyed by the concept of her#she has this like false success story of being a small town nobody who made it big or something#but that isnt even true she had a rich father who was able to move her across the country#and use his wealth and connections to jumpstart her career#i DO think it is impressive that she writes all of her own songs in an age where the mainstream music industry does not do that#but there are a million and one indie artists writing their own songs that i appreciate more#because theyre writing about things i actually care about#not to mention the way people believe with theyre whole heart that she is queer like come on yall...
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cephalopaints · 2 years
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pretend i posted this on time
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lichenhaunt · 1 year
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Me literally screaming to the worst songs you've ever heard because I'm so normal
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atomic-sludge · 1 year
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I kinda want to like Lowhunt, like it's a cute ship and all(when done correctly. *ahem.*) but I just get it recommended to me so much as someone who personally doesnt ship it for personal reasons its kind of annoying and puts me off from it even more.
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callilouv · 2 years
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I will wait for the day where white knight gets his well deserved content🧎‍♀️
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applejee · 3 days
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[sees an old tumblr post from 2011 of the 8 famous people i would have chosen to have dinner with] im going to (remembers i shouldn’t say this) kill every single one of this people
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marciaillust · 9 months
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the way tumblr is trying to distance itself from being a blogging platform is fucking. infuriating!!
like do you not know this is your strength!!! I want to be able to visit other people’s pages that have been CUSTOM MADE for their purpose!!! ARTISTS HAVE LINKS AND TAGS FOR THEIR ART!!!  COMMUNITIES AND HELP/TUTORIAL BLOGS HAVE TAGS FOR SPECIFIC QUIERIES!!! WRITERS CAN LINK ME TO THEIR STORIES!!! IT HELPS BOTH THE POSTERS AND THE CONSUMERS TO MODERATE THE EXPERIENCE TO THEIR LIKING!!!!
SENDING PEOPLE TO THAT UNSLIGHTLY “BOARD” OF A “BLOG” THAT APPEARS NOW WHEN YOU CLICK THE NAME OF THE BLOG INSTEAD OF SENDING YOU TO THE ACTUAL BLOG IS SUCH A DUMBASS MOVE? IT DOESNT EVEN ALLOW LINKS!!! I CANT DO SHIT ON THERE!!! I CANT FIND WHAT IM THERE FOR!!!! IT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO USE IT!!!!
TUMBLR IS/USED TO BE THE MOST FLEXIBLE AND THAT WAS ITS BIGGEST MERIT!!! YOU HAVE ONE OF THE BEST TAGGING SYSTEMS AND YOU WONT LET ME USE IT TO ITS FULL POTENTIAL!!! 
YOU CAN FOSTER COMMUNITIES, YOU LET PEOPLE KEEP MULTIPLE SIDE BLOGS WITHOUT HAVING TO SIGN IN WITH A DIFFERENT EMAIL, YOU ALLOW VIDEOS AND AUDIO AND +4 PHOTOS PER POST!!!! TWITTER CANT HAVE THAT!! TIKTOK CANT HAVE THAT!! REDDIT CANT HAVE THAT!!! FACEBOOK CANT HAVE THAT!!!
IM SO SICK OF THIS TWITTERIFICATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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yuyu1024 · 3 months
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Escape
Pairings: Yoongi × y/n
Genre/tags: Arranged marriage
Warning: 🔞🔞 smut/angst, mention of food/eating, cursing, sensual touching, making out, needy/clingy, Pet name, lies, kink, unprotected sex, Smoking, jealousy, insecurity, mention of weight&food/eating, oral (m/f receiving), mention of blood/violence
~~~~[lmk if i miss anything]
Words: 5.8k
Disclaimer:
- this story is just made up
- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊
Note: continuation of Prisoner.
I hope this is a good part 2. 🙏🏻 took me a while coz idk if i should or not. 😅 sorry guys.
(This may continue a bit more...? But please be patient 🙏🏻 as I do have work & usually I try to write before i sleep but lately i've beeen so tired and drained that I cant even function 😅)
***
Another day, another event to go to. You are wearing your best 'pretend' smile. The smile you have practiced for months, to be your default expression whenever you meet anyone in any formal event. It's not that your trying to be fake. You just want to represent your husband the best that you can. And being a shy person, this is what you can do to help yourself.
Although, you wish, that even just one time, Yoongi would show up to these events with you.
At the first month of your marriage, he did. He did that to introduce you to everybody. You could still remember how you two were holding hands and always together. Those were the days when you have spent so much time with him.
But... Now, it's just always you. Alone. Amongst everyone in the whole place, you are the only one who always arrives with no partner.
"Excuse me?"
You twirl around and find the prettiest girl you think you have ever seen in your life. She looks like a goddess.
"Ahm, yes?" Your voice sounded so weak. You haven't said a word in the last hour.
"You are the only one wearing a corsage with a hint of lilac flowers in it... I'm guessing... you are Yoongi's wife?" She asks
"Ah, yes. I am." You look down at the flower pinned on your chest
She's smiling at you. She looks sort of happy to see you. "Finally... I've met you."
You haven't said a word. You are not sure how to approach this. You have no idea who she is and why is she approaching you. Plus, You are sort of intimidated by her. She is a beautiful, a sophisticated woman. She have this energy from her that says she is different than anyone else. You could feel your difference with her. Though you are covered with all highend brands of clothing and accessories. You can still see it.
"Oh, sorry... if I'm invading your personal time..." she says, "I am a friend of Yoongi... well... an old friend... from University" she explains. "Sarang."
"Oh." You smile and bow. "Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Y/N... I'm sorry... I've not met any of his friends yet so...I didn't know..."
"It's fine. I understand."
She looks like she came from a regal family, the same level as Yoongi. Also, her beauty.... takes your breathe away. She remind you of how you reacted the first time you saw Yoongi. In awe.
"Thank you for coming here also..." she says as she walks you around the gallery. "I hope you find something to your liking here that... would be a part of your home or either a gift to anyone you love."
As you two talk more, you learned that she's the one that threw this charity event. She gathered all these arts from known artists, to auction. She says that 100% of the earnings from it will go to the children's hospital that she have been donating ever since.
You have just met her and you are already at amazed by her. Not by just her prominent looks but also the way she talks and speaks her mind is very inspiring and uplifting. Because of her words you find it easy buying two items in the collection. You know all of the money will go and be used for something good.
You chose the items, the two that caught your attention the moment you entered the gallery. Both are paintings of a beautiful flowerfield which reminds you of your past. The field where you would always go with your friends and have picnic during summer break.
Such beautiful memory that you wish you could've not taken for granted. You wish you could re-live those moments again. And the paintings, those paintings you chose might go well in your own study room.
"It's nice meeting you..." she says, cutting you from reminiscencing your past
"Thank you too for inviting us.. though... my husband couldn't come..."
She smiles, lips pressed together. "He hasn't changed at all. Not very social and just focused on just working..."
Hmm.. The way she talks, the way she describes your husband is very detailed. She seem to know him pretty well. 'They are friends' you say to yourself but then at the back of your mind, a thought, just a tiny thought about him and her, is peaking through.
'Is she an ex of his?'
'If not an ex... probably... someone who liked him?'
I know, this is no place nor time to think about these but you can't help it.
Look at her and then you look at yourself. You two are totally opposites. From status to looks. And probably from personaly to intelligence. She is more than you. She is perfect. You think that he and Yoongi might or will get along more than you and him.
"Ahm... I ahm..." you start to feel uncomfortable with all of your self pity thoughts. You need to get a hold of yourself. "Sorry... I'll... I'll just go to the bar and have some drink..." you say as you clutch on to your dress.
"Oh. Okay." Sarang says. "You want me to accompany you...?"
You shake your head, "No... thank you... don't mind me... please go ahead and tour the rest of the guest." You say pointing at the newly arrived guests.
You turn around immediately before she could response again.
This is weird. You're not sure why you suddenly have the urge to drink. Even though you don't drink. Also because, you can't. Literally, can't.
You only drink red wine when you are offered to drink, by Yoongi of course. It's only when he asks you to join him during nights when he needs company or if you two are to discuss things about the family.
You don't drink also because you are a lightweight. You get tipsy and red easily. One time when you had more than three glasses of red with your husband, you instantly changed personality. You have no idea how and what changed besides the stories that your maid said the day after which were embarassing.
You have no recollection of anything besides the fact that you were on the sofa, inside Yoongi's home office, butt naked and only have Yoongi's blazer on you.
"Mrs. Min, what can I get you?" The cute guy behind the bar asks as you reach your destination.
"How... do you know who I am?"
He smiles, "We had the lists of the guests coming tonight... with photos." He pours water into a glass
"With details...? who can and cannot drink... I suppose?"
He nods. "Your husband noted... to not serve any alcohol to you Miss."
"Even... I want to? Or... pay?"
"I'm sorry Miss..." he says, "If you like we can offer you our non-alcohol champagne?"
You sigh heavily. You badly want to drink. Even just one glass to calm yourself. But...you can't. Yoongi have rules and you cannot avoid and disobey them.
He does give you the freedom to do whatever you want but when it comes to what not to do or what he likes, he have a handful.
1. Don't cut your hair short
2. Don't drink when he's not present nor ordered by him
3. Don't leave the house without atleast one body guard
4. Don't wear perfume (he gets dizzy)
5. Use the safeword during sex
And etc.
The rules are quite simple. Nothing to weird nor to hard to follow. It's just you compromising. And also, you do have a hard time saying no to Him.
"Thanks." You mumble, sighing as you take the glass of water and walk away from the bar.
After figuring out you can't drink to calm yourself, you decide to just go somewhere outside, away from the crowd and peaceful to get fresh air. Lucky you, you found an exit that leads you to the garden.
As time have gone by, you're not sure how long have you been there, staring at the fountain, the flowers and even starring down at your feet every now and then. You thought being out here will leave your head empty. Not worrying about anything. But then you'd catch yourself pouting and comparing yourself to all the ladies you have seen in the event, especially the last person you have talked to.
Your self pity and low self-esteem is thriving today than usual. Is it the lack of sleep? Or because of the one guy from earlier giving you a judging look that made you regret wearing the dress you picked? What happened?
These thoughts are not very helpful. Especially lately, well probably more on daily basis, you do wonder why Yoongi chose you. To marry.
They've said, more particularly his parents said, that he didn't like the ones they suggested for him; so he decided to pick you. To marry you instead of those women who is on the same level as him or close to his family's wealth.
Odd isn't it? Why would someone like him, an elite bachelor, pick a girl from a lower class family to marry? What did he see in you? What made him randomly pick you? You are not special, inexperience about life and not alluring as the other girls in his world. What did he saw? How did he even saw you? You were sure you two never met before. So did he hire someone to find a daughter from a poor family or what?
Instead of clearing your mind, you suddenly had these outburst of questions.
"What are you doing here?"
Your eyes widens after hearing a familiar voice. You didn't dare to speak. You just slowly turn your upper body around to see him, walking slowly towards you.
He's wearing a tuxedo. His hair is slightly slicked back and his scar. His beautiful scar. It's him.
You can't believe what you are seeing. He's really here. Why? He's been away for a week because of work and when did he came back?
"Y-yoongi..." you mumble, standing up
"I asked you..." he says as he stands right in front of you. Then you see his eyes darts down at your glass of water, sitting beside you. "Your bodyguard said... you asked for a drink." He looks back at you, his expression is so serious.
"I ahm... sorry..." you lower your gaze.
"You know... you can't drink."
"I'm sorry..." you whisper softly
"Let her have fun." A woman's voice says. "She just wants to have a glass of wine. It won't hurt."
Slowly raising your eyes, you see her, Sarang, standing from afar from you and Yoongi.
Her stance at this moment is unidentical to her persona earlier. It feels like she is a completely different person, though her appearance is the same. Something shifted.
"She did an amazing job.. representing you earlier." She adds
Your eyes then goes to Yoongi. You want to see his reaction to the angelic woman speaking. You are curious. No one talks to him directly like that, blunt and straight forward, even you.
Sarang is brave to talk casually to him.
"Ready the car..." Yoongi finally speaks after a monent of silence. Ordering one of his men to move.
That was it?
"I'll return the items. Keep the money. I don't care." He says while he's looking at you, straight into your eyes. Though you know, even his eyes are on you, he's not actually speaking to you.
"Yoongi le---" she tries to speak again but he didn't allowed it.
Yoongi just slightly turned his head to give her a side eye. He is not pleased. "My wife and I are leaving..." and then takes your hand to hold onto. "Let's go home..." he says that only you can hear.
"Ahm...ahh... okay." You say, lost by the sudden fierceness from him
***
"Get in." He orders you
Carefully climbing in the car, you move to the other side making sure there is a space betweem you two.
"Home please." Yoongi says to his driver as he shuts the door.
"Sir." The man answers, nodding and then pushes a button that closes the opening between the driver to the passenger seat of the car.
We are now isolated.
He looks so tired. Looks like he just came back and went straight to event to pick you up.
"I have my driver with me... you could've rested at home." You say
He sighs and closes his eyes. "I'm fine."
Did he purposely pick you up because he wants to see you? Did he missed you while he was away for a week?
Your mind is filled with questions and curiosity but you cannot dream of these questions to be real. You have to remember, he just married you because he have no other choice. There is no love in between you two. You are married by paper only that is worth a lot of money. Everything you are doing for him is to repay all of his kindness to you and your family.
This is all just a fantasy. A beautiful fantasy.
"Come closer..." he softly says. His eyes are still shut but his arm is arching, gesturing for me to take place in then. "Y/n..." he opens his eyes, calling my name. You scoot over his side. He immediately puts his arm around you, making sure you are close. "You're shaking..." he utters as he goes back to closing his eyes, resting his head back. "You're almost naked with that dress of yours..."
"Sorry..." you say looking down at your knotted fingers. "I thought it will look good....that's why I wore it."
He sighs. "You do look good..." then he shifts in his position and makes sure you're looking back at him. Then he starts leans in, to kiss you.
"Wait..."
He pauses, confused by your reaction. You have never denied his kiss before.
"I'm sorry..."
"What for?" He asks
"Well..." you look to the front, where the driver is. "Do we just kiss or..." you whisper
Yoongi didn't expect your question which made him smile. "It depends." He is looking straight into your eyes, your face are just inches away.
"He might hear us..." you whisper
"I don't fucking care." He moves forward and finally catches your lips.
***
After travelling for almost half an hour, you finally reach home.
"Welcome home, Miss..." The maid greets the second you slide out of the car. she then sees Yoongi, coming out from the other side of the car. "Master!" She bows again. "Welcome..."
They are suprised to see him. They didn't expect him to arrive with you. Looks like none of them knew he went to pick you up.
"Do we have anything to eat?" You softly ask the maid, then you realized that it's already late and that they have to rest too. "Oh... Sorry... never mind... you may go and rest." You give her a faint smile.
Then slowly walking towards the elevator, you could see your husband's reflection through the glass doors. He is busy already with his phone.
"Y/n..."
You glance up, peaking through the reflection. He is walking towards you. So you wirl around and waited for him to stand in front of you.
"Ask your assistant to remove all charities or event under the Lee's tomorrow. Even parties." He says as he undo his bow tie. "And... to not accept any invitation from them...again"
"Why?"
He didn't answer. No answer means he's serious.
"Okay..." You just answer before turning your back at him again.
Thinking about what you are in his world is heart breaking in a way. You are nothing but someone he owns. You just go with the flow of his world.
Yes you do had an idea what you've signed up for but its still shocking nonetheless how everything is unfolding and is doing.
"Aren't you getting in?"
You look up and see that he is in the elevator already, waiting.
"S-sorry..." you say before entering. You try your best to not make eye contact with him.
After both of you settled in, the maid follows and taps on level 3. That is where both your rooms are.
Oddly, Yoongi taps on the Upper ground after her. "Can you please cook something light before you leave? My wife needs to eat." He orders
"Yes, Master." She answers just in time when the elevator stops on UG.
"We'll both be down after we shower and get rested a bit."
"Understood, Master." She exists the elevator, bows and immediately walks off.
'My wife'. It is the second time he said that today. He never says that.
"Don't skip meals." He mumbles as the door closes
You didn't answer. You didn't mean to skip a meal or two today. And maybe a few days before too. You were nervous. One main reason is the dress you're wearing right now is very revealing. A satin black backless maxi dress. You wanted be perfect in the dress thats why, even though you know it's not achievable.
*pings*
The elevator door opens on level 3. You step out and about to turn to your wing when you hear him call your name again.
"Where are you going?" He asks
"T-to my room..." you sound so weak, "To shower..."
"Shower here." He says, suggesting the shower in his wing. Meaning in his room. Meaning his bathroom.
"Hmm?" You are lost in translation. Why is he asking you to shower there all of a sudden.
"To my room." And then he undo the first two buttons of his shirt.
"W-what? Why?"
He didn't say another word. He just continued to walk off towards his room leaving you.
"W-wait..." You take two steps forward but then stops.
"Y/N...." you hear the heels of his shoes stop hitting the marbled floor. His back is facing you. "I said, shower here. I didn't ask you to decide." he then turns around and you see his white top basically open now. "Will you go and shower with me or do you want me to peel that dress off you and carry you to my room?"
Flusttered by his remark, you just released an unsolicited shaky breathing. "Ahm... yes... I'm... I'm coming..."
***
[Flashback to Yoongi's side]
(Earlier... as soon as Yoongi arrived at the charity event)
Some of the people in the event went silent for a few seconds the moment they saw you enter the building. They all didn't expect you to show up since your wife was already present. But of course, they still greeted you with a smile and tried to make small talks. They want to be on your good side. They know what you are capable off. What power you hold in this world.
However, you don't care about these fuckers. You dropped by because you received a call from your wife's bodyguard that Y/N is not looking okay.
"Where is she?" You ask the man standing behind you.
"She just left the bar, Sir. And went out to the garden." He reply.
"I see."
One step, you just took one step and somebody already stands in your way to your wife.
"Look who's here."
"Sarang." You say her name, bitterly. You are not expecting her to be here.
"You have been ignoring my invites for quite some time now... I thought, helping others is one of your goals in life that's why you work 24/7?"
"I thought this event was by the Lee's?" You hiss at your male assistant.
"It is, Sir. By--"
"Lee Do-Hyun..." she cuts off the assistant. "My husband..." she proudly says. "Aww.. That kind a... hurts my feelings...that... you have no idea I got married..."
"I don't keep tab on people who's not important to me."
She scoffs but she sounded a bit insulted and her ego got hurt. But she's good at pretending that it didn't bothered her. "You say that now...but a few years ago... I was your muse..." she tries to move closer to you but your body guards stands in between quickly.
"Was." You look away from her and try to search for your wife through the window not far away from where you stand. "My mistake for socializing to a liar, back stabbing... leech like you." You say, then giving her a side eye. "I wish your husband good fortune... or that he loves spoiling you... or esle... he'll found out his wife's true color..."
You're about to walk away, again, but this bitch still wants to talk to you.
"You think... she'll not get tired of you? Of you controlling her? Especially getting married with you... with no love at all?" She snorts a laugh again. "Or maybe... she will not..." she mumbles under her breathe, "Now... It figures... why you picked someone from a low class family... someone with no choice but to stay with you because her family needs your money. I see..." she laughs again, "poor girl... if I were her, I would milk you all of your money so it will be worth it... after all she married a controlling, dominant, and a freaky person like you."
You know Y/N is not like her. She is a nice person. She's not into money like this bitch is. However, you do think about how Y/N thinks about you and her marriage to you.
You admit that you are very controlling when it comes to her. It is one of your negative trait that you cannot put away. It comes natural with you because of the life you have been brought up and your business. You want things to happen in your way and you are also possessive. You do try to controll it when it comes to her but you are not sure if you are doing it right.
Well how could you know, you never talk about it. Even with your wife. You never asked about her feelings and opinions.
"Watch your mouth." You mumble. "You might think you know me from the years we've been together. But you haven't seen half of what I can and would do... if anyone picks a fight with me.." you glare at her. "Consider this a warning."
[End of flashback from Yoongi's side]
*************
"Miss..."
Slowly opening your eyes, your eyes carefully adjusted to the light. You could see the ray of sunshine peaking through your dark thick curtains.
"Miss..."
You turn your head to the side and see your maid bowing.
"It's noon Miss..."
"Oh."
It has been a quite a few days now, since you start waking up this late. You are usually up early. You are a morning person. You also do jogs or walks around the property and sometimes go to the home gym to move, always. But something shifted in your routines.
You are tired, less motivated and no will to get up your bed.
"I think we need to call the family doctor now, Miss." The maid suggested. "You've lost a bit of weight and you look pale."
"I'm fine." You say as you push your duvet off your body and slide down off your bed. "I'll take a quick bath..." you mumble
"Understood." She is ready to come along with you.
"No... I'm fine... I'll just go alone... just prepare food for me please."
"But... Miss..." she usually prepares your bath and always stays with you there. After the little accident you had a year ago when you first experience a hot bath on the tub. You fainted because you fell asleep. Too much enjoyment and you forgot it is not good to stay long in there.
"I'll be fine." You smile and requested for her to leave
"Okay Miss... but... I will be back after half an hour to check."
"Sure."
You slept last night, wearing your silk robe and your fancy cream nightgown, his favorite. You were expecting Yoongi to come home last night as per usual schedule. But he didn't. He didn't even informed the staff that he'll not be home for a longer period.
What happened? You don't know.
The last time you talked to him was the night he asked you to come to his room and shower with him.
Everything that night was magical. For you atleast. But then you ruined it.
When you both entered his dark room, he immediately clung onto you. He held you like everything depends on it. It was more intemate and hungry than the usual and you liked it for some reason. After all the self doubt and insecurity you felt in the party, the intemacy made you feel more than what you feel.
And when he peeled off your dress from your body, you didn't expected him to go down on his knees and lick your soul out of your body. His tongue did more than you know he could do. It brought you to another level of high. And you didn't know you could screech like an animal because of it. He really made sure you are on cloud nine or even beyond that.
"Fuck me... please..." you begged him after you knees weakened and fall down the floor where he is.
"No." He said. He was sturn. "No request for tonight." He said and then he positioned you underneath him where he could properly see you crumble because of him.
"Y-yoongi... please.... I need... I want to come..." you begged
He brought you to cloud nine but then hold onto your pearls when you were about to orgasm.
"I'm punishing you right now..." he said as he lowers down and starts to run his tongue from your chest up. "Next time... don't wear any sort of revealing clothes...when I'm not around.. do you understand that Y/N?"
"Y-yes..."
"Another rule to add... are you okay with that?" He hummed the last words on your ears before he let both his hands squeeze your breast. "Answer me..."
"I don't... mind..." you were squearming underneath him. He was playing your nipples then. "I... I don't mind... Yoongi..." you repeated, pleading.
His punishment continued for another few minutes. It was too much. You were struggling catching your bliss but he's playing you. However, you are patient. You know his kinks and you know what he wants and so you do whatever and accept whatever. Coz you know it is from him.
"Scream my name." He grunted as he pounds you with no mercy.
You were holding on to his massive bookshelf on the wall, your legs were lifted and hanging over his forearm whilst he was thrusting deep in you. You were getting hurt from your back hitting the shelves but it didn't matter. You don't know why but for some reason you can endure everything just for Yoongi. Even pain.
"Nnggghhaaa..." you threw your arms around his neck as he went faster. "Please!" You cry on his neck. "Aaaahhh!!" You screamed the orgasm you have been keeping for a while. You felt relieved and content.
And as you two were catching your breath. You uttered words that surprised the both of you. You said 'I love you' to Yoongi.
It should not be a surprise. You two are married right. However since yours are different from others, those words were never said or mentioned ever after the wedding. It is like a forebidden phrase though there are no rule about it. It's like an unspoken deal that no one says those words since THIS.. YOU TWO... is just a fantasy. You two got together with no love. It is not real. You are just one of his property.
And so, after that night. That magical night for you ended up into this cold, quiet and empty prison. Again. You are back to nothing.
You thought you are on a journey escaping that confinement. You thought that something is going to change. You thought... that you were wrong about him. But who are you kidding? You were just having sex like you used to. It is nothing special. It is the same crap. So you saying you love him is... worthless.
"Did I even mean it?" You ask yourself as you lay down in your hot bath. "I said it... after sex.." you are trying to understand how those words slipped out of your lips. If it all just happened because of such high from the sex.
You can clearly remember how you said it. You paused, looked into his eyes and carefully said it. You know you said it with the intent for him to hear it but when you saw his reaction. It made you realize what a big mistake it was.
"Am I having feelings for him?" You mumble as you lower yourself more into the water. "I should not right?"
You know the answer to your own quesion. Look at him even ignoring you for almost two weeks now. Who are you even kidding thinking it will have an effect on him?
After the 'I love you' incident, He eat dinners without you or he let you eat first before he comes out of his home office. And then when he leaves, he does not inform you now. You just get the news of him flying off somewhere from your maid. Even his men are being cautious with you. He must've ordered them to be distant but at the same time protect you.
How funny that these are his responses to you. You know you deserve it but you're a little bit hurt, your not going to lie.
"Who am I for him to love?" You sigh. "Maybe... I should just prepare myself for the ending of this fantasy..."
*********
"Master." The maids bows as they suddenly sees Yoongi enter the main entrance while they are all cleaning.
Yoongi have not been home for a while. He has been... busy.
"Give them all my clothes." He says to his right hand man. "Sorry if it's quite a lot today." He then says to the maids as he removes his black coat revealing his white button up shirt, stained with blood. A lot of it. No one reacted to the visual that is shown. All the staff are used to it. They know how his world is.
"Where is she?" He asks as he loosen up his tie
All the maids in the corredor suddenly turn heads to the youngest one at the end of the line. She is Y/N personal maid.
"Master." She steps forwards and bows again. "Miss is in her bath."
Yoongi frowns. "Alone?"
"Ahm..." she suddenly stutters. "Sorry, Master! She... Miss wanted to... alone... but I told her after half an hour I will go back."
"How long has she been there?" He then throws his tie on the ground.
"Twenty."
"Okay." He takes a deep breathe and tries to collect himself. "Just go and be on standby in her room. She can't stay any longer."
"Okay, Master." She bows again and briskfully walk back to Y/N wing.
"Are you not going to... visit her Sir?" His male right hand asks. "She have been messaging you since..." he pauses for a bit. "And calling too."
He didn't answer. "Ready my bath please." He orders and just continue walking his way to his room.
"Understood." The man replies
"She can't see me like this." Yoongi mumbles as he walks
"I see..." his right hand man smiles at his master's response.
"Why are you smiling?" Yoongi asks, one eyebrow up.
"Nothing, Sir."
"Just spit it out."
The right man, Mr. Kim have been Yoongi's right hand man ever since he was in his teens. Mr. Kim saw him grew up and be the man that he is now. And for sure, if something changed he would be the first one to notice
And now, the tiny changes in Yoongi's mood and decisions, He might not know or see it but it is obvious for Mr. Kim. He knows it is something about his wife.
"2nd week of your marriage, Sir. She saw you coming home with a bloody lip and injured knuckles. You said you don't give a damn if she sees you looking like a murderer."
"So? What's your point?"
"It's just lately...."
Yoongi pauses and turns around to see Mr. Kim, wearing a smile.
"What are you implying? Just... say it."
Mr. Kim bows and says, "Nothing Sir."
"Hmmm..." rolling his eyes, he continued to walk.
*****
"Miss..." your personal maid rushes in your room, "Master have return." She says.
To her suprise, she sees you standing in the middle of the room, wearing your bathrobe and a towel in your hair already.
You take a deep breathe, not letting your eyes look away from the view you are seeing from your window, a clear blue sky.
"Miss.. shall I prepare your clothes?"
You close your eyes and then removed the towel wrapped around your long hair. "Please..." you softly answer
"What do you prefer to wear today, Miss?" She asks she she begins to walk towards your walk in closet.
"A black dress..." you say as you follow along. "Maybe the one with the longer sleeves."
She nods and then continues to search for the dresses you have that matches your description while you on the other hand looks at yourself in the full length mirror while you undress from your robe.
You stare at your body and see how you thin you are. Not super thin but thinner than what you used to.
It's your own fault. You have been skipping meals when you are stressed and it's not good.
"Miss?" She then lays three dresses on the sofa in the middle, for your choices.
"The middle one." You says.
You then open the drawer for your undies to grab a black lace matching underwear.
"Ahm, Miss...?"
"Yes?"
"Are you going to eat with Master, in the dinning today?"
"Hmm... what did he say?"
"Nothing. He just asked me to stay with you when I told him you are in your bath."
"Did he say if he wants to see me?"
The maid didn't answer.
"I guess not." You scoff as you getting into the dress. "Just bring my food in my study room. I'll eat there while I do some reading."
"Understood." She bows and exists the room.
"I'm not gonna wait for him anymore." You say to yourself while looking onto the mirror. "If he's going to avoid me or ignore me... then... that's what I'll do as well..."
Starring once again at yourself on the mirror, you look at your face and then your eyes goes down to your belly.
"I have to learn to go on with my life... with or without him..." you mumble. "I should start to escape this fantasy... a dream that maybe the 'us' will be something."
Part 3 - Twilight
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theoccultz · 6 months
Text
🥀How do you arouse one's curiousity?
In short what makes you intriguing? ((Short pac))
- apologies for any mistakes, i didn't checked through
- there are 17+ mentions so if you're a minor pls refrain from reading it
-pics not mine credits to their rightful owners respectfully
- all of my pacs are exclusive for everyone.
-your reblogs ,likes , comments are appreciated
Pls let me know which pile you selected (:
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l. ll. III.
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Vl. V. Vl.
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Pile l.
The emperor ,knight of wands x , death , pigeon
There's this authority to you that people cant shake off they feel like you're someone who's in a good position that you have made a name for yourself, others may see you having fun in different settings and its really surprising to them you may have a strong resting face or you're someone who's just there to get things done , people dont see you smile usually they feel like you dont like to waste your time onto stupid gossips and stuff .
People love how hard-working and dedicated you are , Its not hard for someone to have a crush on you , you are like a mystery, a dream fantasy which others want to have a piece of . Its really a fun energy . I feel in reality you are someone who's not afraid to be vulnerable, you give your all to others , you're not someone who just takes from others . You're helpful, kind and just what a person needs in a good companion.
Pile ll .
3 of wands , the fool , king of swords x , camel
Right of the bait , you guys exlude sexual energy , you have a desirable appeal , you have this energy of come correct or dont come at all , its like you have high standards you dont back down from things easily , you are not someone who overindulges in things you are someone who's changing at every point of life , people feel like you are made for success they feel like you'll succeed in life because you're doing whats necessary taking actions for your goals being out and about its really inspiring .
Others could also see that you stay in your head a lot , you're not necessarily very open about thibgs like others want to see more of you on things , they feel like you have potential,resources and power and you just need to use it correctly i feel like your energy and your drive about things could overwhelm you easily . People feel like you might need reassurance although you're very much about self and the next good things .i feel like people tend to rely on you or expect a lot from you , you look someone who's a provider, someone who can make things and lead others in the right direction,you could be an artist or a writer someone who's connected to their creative endeavours.
Pile lll.
The tower x , the high priest x , ace of cups , oyster.
Okay you guys this is so sweet , others find you intriguing because they feel like you have a lot of compassion and gifts that you can share with the world , they dont want to lose a person like you who's just so compassionate and loving you bring out the good in others the things they wanted to hear but never did , you could be someone who's an old soul a gentle spirit, others feel protective over you although you are someone who's very very strong you have been through stuff that others would've never been out of and its admirable.
People could see you worried and anxious most of the times and they feel like its not needed others can feel you're very deep and confident about their things you know your abilities and skills and you're the right person to decode signs for others. Yeah i feel like out of other piles you have a really powerful demeanor, you leave a lasting impression on people. People can see you leaving hurt and sadness behind and its really beautiful it takes a lot of strength to reach where you are now also i feel like you shine through no one can dim your light you really have an striking appearance it makes others look twice 🥹✨
lV .
The magician, 8 of wands ,2 of coins , stringray
Okay you guys are good at leaving stupid people behind , you dont dim your light because it took you long to get comfortable with it , you come off as sharp and authentic to people, there might be some negative assumptions or gossips that keeps surrounding you its cause the people are below you thats why they're doing it out of jealousy its like people wants to see you down or embarrassed on purpose. But it doesn't happen you see , you are not wrong gor choosing yourself , others may see you as selfish or impatient but its you who have finally learned to put yourself out there and change for the best . people find you really young or young at heart? But you're quite tough and you know witty nothing can get to you .
They keep wishing for the worst and you keep getting the best , i feel like yoir solar plexus is healed there's so much of good energy here on the table, people feel like you're reliable, honest and wouldn't do low energy shit like using others or deemning others . People also find you intriguing because you come off as financially stable or you could be very responsible and strong and it reflects in your decisions . They feel like you're your best self when you're being you , talking chatting interacting writing people would eat up whatever you say or do . I knrw this was my i'm almost there pile .
Pile V .
The moon x , king of cups , knight of cups x , king of swords x ,owl
You guys have a lot of admirers you should know , this pile have this energy of inspire and grow people want to be like you but you may not blend in with a lot of people, you're not someone who keep to yourself but you have a good sense of boundaries, i also feel like you have a good sense of humour,its delighting, people find you really peaceful yet Passionate ofc you have that fire but you carefully re-evaluate things and think things through, you have an analytical brain , you guys are compatible with a lot of people, others feel that chemistry with you . Others may not feel like you would know this much for whatever reasons it's surprising to find out infact you do know quite a things we dont know of or hobbies ,interests or issues that people wouldn't share their thoughts on because they're scared to say the wrong things or the truth itself, but you're quite bold and precise in saying what you have to say its impressive lol i could feel some reactions coming like did they really said that ?... Can we stop pretending that it wasn't fire ...
I also find you could have a lot of people with every kind of energy trying to get into your space , i also feel people can try to find dirt on you but its almost impossible to find something that makes sense and its not made up .i feel like you guys have this unattainable energy as well , you guys could be intelligent with your words yeah you could start a podcast or make a list of how to be that person , how to do this that ...and people would willingly listen because its helpful and its relatable and it contains the correct data . Or maybe you're really good at reserch , reading people you could be emotionally intelligent or you could be a lightworker yourself although i can see you're quite balanced in your material and physical world, you will not blindly follow things you'll question it , you could have strong 8th and 12th house placements that makes you find deeper values in things and lead you to the core , you learn from others , you don't have a fragile ego and you're not dismissive and you should recognise that pile 5,also you're intuiation is on point (:
Pile Vl.
2 of cups , 5of cups x, the strength x4 of pentacles. Scorpion , the bat.
Lmao ☠️ pile 6 ?
Okay you guys buckle up
So i feel like you're really handsome/pretty you naturally draw people in , others want to get to know you , they wanna hang out , they wanna fight they just wanna do something with you , i feel like you're a polite person but people you attract are mostly passionate and dedicated , they might get over protective of you i feel like a lot of people may realise that they exhibit behaviours that they never knew they had like aggression , jealousy etc , let me just say this a lot of people are tempted by you , mostly because you feel like the ideal person , people act up in your presence. You could be bisexual or you give off this free energy .
I feel like you guys give others a hard time you aren't really invested in others as they are towards you and its frustrating cause i feel like they do try hard and its not your fault you reject it unconsciously. Others feel you have a lot of options. I feel like others started to recognise your value as you started doing it yourself you may not have had good experiences growing up its like the attention you didn't get from your care givers ,your past friends ,now you get from others and you might feel overwhelm at times too you must have heard this too ...you have outgrown people who weren't meant to stay with you and i applaud you for that . For some reason i also see people could feel like you have multiple layers what you project is not how you always are like you could be really nice but you dont wanna hang out and they get salty ,you're not a people pleaser you are your own individual who makes decisions for themselve , people feel like you do the needed and leave but they dont want that like its the energy of people wanting you around I wont be surprised if you guys easily sway others attention .overall people find you intriguing because there's more to you than meets the eye its exciting yet idiotic to feel that way , you're familiar yet unfamiliar . I'd say you guys are seductive, there's a lot of emphasize on body parts there's a lot of sexual energy coming from others but i wouldn't go deep into it , others do masturbate to you ..your suspicions are correct . Ok i'll just say this muchh .
If someone is making you feel ashamed for owning your sexual nature than pls ignore and keep exploring, its your choice .
Thanks for reading!!
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gatorbites-imagines · 4 months
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John Constantine x tattoo artist?? Smut or no (you choose!) I think it would be cute if john gets his tats from the reader (also kind of a possessive/marking quality there lol)
John Constantine x Tattoo artist male reader
Headcanons
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Sorry there’s been no posts this week, classes have started up again, so as you can imagine I’m exhausted and have a lot less free time. I’ve been using most of my free time to read JJK, ngl.
Imagine being a magical tattoo artist, something like a seal maker. You do large complex and beautiful pieces, but you hide different seals and protection markers inside the patterns. It keeps the real purpose of the tattoo a secret, but is also pretty to look at.
John already has tattoos in the hellblazer comics, but imagine you giving him different ink. Something a lot less obvious and more attractive.
It makes him pass as a hot blonde British guy covered in a lot of fancy ink, instead of some brit with lotsa weird cult looking tattoos.
John becomes one of your most common customers, mainly because a lot of the tattoos you put on him disappear after the seals been used, since its all defense and storage. He might also use it as an excuse to see you more, so he can flirt.
John being John, would get a tattoo right above his crotch, think like a reverse tramp stamp, or a succubus tattoo, just so he can have you sitting between his thighs as he gives his flirting his all.
You definitely end up railing him within an inch of his life in the tattoo chair, tsking and “punishing” him for straining the tattooed area too much, and “messing up your work” when he writhes too much.
In the beginning its just a friends with benefits situation, something like a “happy ending” you might say. John wouldn’t be someone to do relationships for the most part, since most of the ones he’s been in haven’t ended great.
He subconsciously also wouldn’t want to paint a target on your back, since hes always involved with all kinds of stuff. But he cant help but always find himself back with you, getting some new seal inked onto his skin.
And if every visit ends up with him bent over the tattoo chair, or down on his knees to “thank you”, then who will judge him.
John would end up finally acknowledging his feelings when you save him from his big bad of the week, using your complex and intricate tattoos to pull out weapons and spells, and later seal the being that’s after him.
Its hard to deny how he feels after that, and though he wouldn’t put it into words, he would act differently. Like just showing up at your parlor to spend time with you without getting anything done, or sending you little protection charms or trinkets.
At some point you guys just start kissing and acting like a couple, without actually putting a name to it. It’s a dangerous life you both live, and words mean everything, so you never tell anybody you guys are lovers, since that would make the target on you both even bigger.
It doesn’t keep you guys from pretty much living together and acting all domestic, or being completely exclusive to just each other. John turning down all advances made on him confuses people in the beginning, until they just come to accept it.
John ends up with even more tattoos, these a lot more complex than average useable seals. These are the kinds that you have spent your entire life developing, and had only used on yourself because they’re that powerful.
The league are knocked back by how powerful his spells have become, and how much damage he can withstand. Only other magic users with the knowledge know just how amazing his tattoos are. He never tells them where he got them, just because he’s an ass.
You end up helping out more with his business, and he ends up being free advertisement for your parlor. Of course, no one gets tattoos like you or John, you would never give a possible enemy that kind of power, but it helps pad your pockets quite a lot.
John’s enemies end up targeting you as well, but they’re easily dealt with for the most part.
He ends up getting teased be friends and allies that he’s getting soft and domestic, cuz he doesn’t go out to bars like before, and wants to be home in time to watch a movie with you, or just go to sleep together.
He ends up a lot less stressed too, since you rock his world whenever he needs it, and become someone he can let down his defenses and just be vulnerable with.
In the end he probably gets pavloved to get in the mood when you tattoo him, or he hears the noise of the tattoo gun. John always blames you for making him this way, because you always go down on him after giving him new ink, not that he’s complaining.
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nervoussagittarius · 17 days
Text
20191009 I Like Her
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matt sturniolo x reader
summary: y/n shows matt a song that explains the way he's been feeling
warnings: none just fluff
"matt, have you ever listened to mac demarco? " you ask as you lay on his bed. there's been a comfortable silence between the two of you as you search for new music and matt sits at his desk playing around with his computer settings.
somehow you had come across one of your old playlists that focused primarily on the album "2" by mac demarco.
while he was one of your favorite artists growing up, you never got the chance to listen to his newer music. matt looked at you for a second and held up a finger signaling that he'd answer you shortly, after he finished changing his desktop files around.
matt was trying to play it cool. he had been having these weird feelings towards you for the past couple days. he didn't know how they developed or what they meant. what he did know is that he didn't want to come off strong or seem overly interested in you even though his mind was screaming at him to say how he's been feeling.
truth be told, he didn't really know how he felt. he had only known you for a couple of months and you started coming around the house more because you were close with nick. though, as time went on you formed a bond with matt that was comfortable and safe. matt was always able to tell when he started liking a girl, but it was harder to find the words to explain how he felt about you.
matt felt the need to keep any relationship between you two strictly platonic. you were nick's friend first, and while he didn't think nick would care he didn't want to lose the trust that he had built with his brother. he vowed to himself that nothing romantic could happen between you two, but as days went on that thought flew further to the back of his head.
"mac demarco," matt asks, he looked at you again. "is he the one who sings salad days'"
"yeah and he has a lot of other good music, but i just found his newest album and there's one hundred and ninety nine songs on it"
you pressed shuffle on the album. it was intriguing that a majority of the songs just had numbers for titles,and no vocals to them, just melodys.
"this song is '20200821 cowboy shit' its different" you said as you both laughed listening to the lyrics.
"it's definitely something" matt replied still not taking his eyes off of you. he admired the way your eyes sparkled as you flicked through the songs. he noticed how your lips turned up in a twinge of a smile when you heard a lyric you liked. he loved moments with you like this. he could sit here with you forever.
"y/n" matt said as the next song started playing. he was nervous to ask the next question. he wanted to know if you could put a name to the emotions he was feeling. you had always been better with this kind of stuff. you knew how to communicate how you felt, and you were always an open book with him. "do you think it's possible for us to like each other as more than friends? i don't really know how to explain it but i've been having these thoughts recently and i cant tell if they're just plationic"
you stared at him in shock of what he was saying. you've had feelings for matt for a few weeks now, but you didn't want to make things weird by saying something.
the words to '20191009 i like her' played in the background as you two just looked at each other. you kept replaying matts question in your head to think of the best way to answer, while matt was focused intently on the lyrics to the song to try to distract himself from the tension that had begun to rise in his room.
i'd give the world to her
as long as my heart's still beating
as long as she's next to me
as long as this love still fleeting
because i like her
matt thought you looked beautiful even though it felt like he could see the wheels turning in your head as you tried to answer his question.
listening to the lyrics, he felt this thought clear, and he knew in this moment that he couldn't say his feeling were just friendly anymore. sensing this, you made your way over to him. he looked at you warily, almost expecting you to yell at him and tell him that that he was crazy.
there was another beat of silence. "i like you y/n, a lot. i would do anything for you. will you please give me a chance?"
without second thought, you cupped his face in your hands and kissed the boy that you had quickly come to like.
could it be make believe?
am i just walking through a dream?
haven't felt this way in
such a long time, i do believe
that i like her
an: i've never written anything like this before so please tell me if you liked it or if you think i should change something. i'm always open to receiving feedback. i really appreciate you guys being here and if i could give each of you a forehead kiss i would
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drchucktingle · 1 year
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mr. dr. chuck, i'm a few months ago i told a doc of mine that i believe i'm on the spectrum (after yeeeears of considering all the reasons why i thought so) and she agreed with me. then i came to some conclusions about members of my family. then i started melting down and haven't really recovered.
i'm in my 30's, but my life feels like it's been the mistake-addled 24th year for over a decade. people, choices, wants, they feel like things that were silly blips and not of much substance. i'm tired and my body hurts, so it feels harder to get to things i need. doctors don't seem like they can be trusted because of all the other ways i show up in the world.
i'm worried about my life and my future, and it feels like my magic is gone (or that i can't touch it right now). do you have any words of wisdom for someone who found out this really big thing about themselves kind of late?
thank you.
hello buckaroo thank you for writing. first of all i will say MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember is that it is okay and valid to FEEL the way that you feel. your reaction to this news or any news really is not wrong. that does not mean you cant wish for another reaction or WORK TOWARDS another reaction, but in grand cosmic sense this is just your way. YOUR TROT IS VALID and we all have our own unique way. sometimes that path is an easy path with sunny days and smiles and a glorious view, and sometimes it is through the darkness of shadows or crawling through the old bog. we can PREFER one path over the other, but neither is WRONG.
when giving advice old chuck tries to not PROJECT what i think YOU should do because that is not really the point. this is your trot to trot and i do not think it is my place to act like some authority of your way. what chuck can do is tell you MY story of diagnosis and how it made ME feel and maybe you can take little pieces of that for yourself.
chuck learned of way on autism spectrum when i was in early twenties by doctor who said 'yes this is your way'. when i learned of my spectrum way my reaction was: wow this is very very cool i am so lucky because all of my heroes are autistic and now i am in this RADICAL CLUB. we are special and unique and DANG what a treat wish i could have a membership card in my wallet to show all my buds.
now obviously this is not everyones reaction, but as starting off point i wonder what it would have meant to my future if the news would have HIT ME IN A BAD WAY. if i would have felt let a dang robot alien who didnt belong. maybe id be swimmin through the bog ever since.
thing is I LIKE ROBOT ALIENS they are very cool. doctor did not MAKE me different, i was different already, our talks just popped a nice little name on it for me to take or leave. i took the name proudly because DATA from stars trek (certified robot alien) is exactly how i already felt and dang what a cool character and dang what a great life. so was DAVID BYRNE. so was every cool buckaroo artist that i liked. cowboys are OUTSIDER HEROES and that is how my autism makes me feel.
so like i said, i do not know about YOUR way, but MY WAY of hearing this news was heaps of joy and excitement. i will also say that it is very DIFFICULT to find this reaction later if your first leap is feeling in a sad way about it. so maybe if you want to trot back in your mind to those first few steps it would be helpful. maybe mentally trot to where you were pushed off a dang cliff and think "well was i pushed off a cliff or was i just told 'hey bud youve been floating this whole time?"'
because if youve been floating then DANG thats a lot of power. thats not falling. you can float up, you can float down, you can float side to side.
the next thing i will say AS AND ARTIST is that years of toiling and feeling aimless are NEVER actually aimless when it comes to creation. and to LIVE in a human body is to be an artist, because you are CONSTANTLY CREATING the future. when i am writing and i dont have an idea for my next book that can be frustrating, but it is also PART of the process. if i walk to the store to rustle up my mind, or wander around the park, or spend a whole WEEK feeling weird because of writers block THAT IS ALL PART OF MAKING GREAT ART. that is not wasted time. in other words, your years of toiling are not wasted time, that is just the process we all have when we are creating a future masterpiece.
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