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#i can't start. & goddamn this is not what i meant to write about i wanted to write of shadowbringers & maybe a little of today
noxtivagus · 1 year
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SHADOWBRINGERS.... listening to the song again n oh god i love the lyrics so so much we r ignoring the fact that i have to wake up in like less than 4 hours
#🌙.vent#i just have 1 assignment due tmrrw n i don't want to do it :') like yeah i'm definitely still going to but. it's a letter to ourselves....#i write a lot to myself that is very much evident but it's so hard to actually organize it. & fuck too bcs it's due 10 pm later today#i hate doing things for the sake of academics. says me w my grades lmfao but despite how well i manage i really do hate the school system#i wanted to ramble abt ffxiv oh no i get so distracted when i start writing. but. god my mind rn i don't understand#🥹 this stupid mental block ???? w the break nearly ending there's sm more i have to do but i need to sleep . but not having this started is#messing me up sm rn. i want to put a lot of effort into it but i'm at a loss for words. i wrote some ideas days back but i've changed a bit#this moment ideally right now where i'm in a better mood than i have been for the past few days but not as brain empty#a balance of fiction and reality. enough to keep me not sad but enough to keep me stressed?#i would like to get it started now. i know i want to. but i can't. i just can't seem to. it's not lack of motivation right now. it's.#....maybe a fear? a fear that gives me some sort of mental block. because i really really want to at least start writing something but#i can't start. & goddamn this is not what i meant to write about i wanted to write of shadowbringers & maybe a little of today#but i guess this just has been. bothering me for a while. buried somewhere in my mind#i've been this age for like. more than a week now huh. it's daunting it's scary but i've always loved & sought the thrill of challenges. bu#alright i wasn't able to read anything i wanted to. nor did i watch as much as i would've liked. & i didn't really bond with my friends#save for texts here n then. talking in ffxiv w that one too. & that very one call on bday yh. & tumblr too ofc c: but i didn't do the schoo#stuff i wanted to do this break. but my rank in pjsekai's lowering. nor playing arknights/nier again yet. & fixing my sleep. but....#i didn't wake up any later than 4 pm. i went out for a walk earlier with apollo. i wrote asks to a friend here on tumblr. new books.#new game. plans to make an fc in ffxiv. i ate what i could. i got up even when it hurt. i'm playing gbf again. i'm rlly happy abt that#perhaps it's not enough for me. i can't get rid of my heavy regrets so easily. but acknowledging what i have done that was good enough#trying my best to be kind to myself in this moment even though i feel like crying. acknowledging my pain. maybe. maybe that's#i'm listening to ashes of dreams rn fuck i'm actually going to cry i think bulbel is next in my queue i#it hurts yes n i feel like crying right now but there's. this ache in my chest that replaced the cold emptiness earlier#maybe that's not a good thing uhh but the warmth. that warmth. i'm alive i'm real n there's a tomorrow n that's enough hope#it has to be. it fucking has to be. just. little steps. guide my own self slowly n softly like i do for others. i deserve that too.#i'll give it to myself. surely i must owe myself at least that much. being human comes with its many burdens but i don't need to be#so harsh to myself right? ironic saying that right now while i know there's something so dear to me i'm denying right now#it's like i'm a wilting flower fighting against time to stay alive. but the petals slowly decay n it gets colder the longer the dark night#would an outside light help the blossom find its own light? or would it make it disappear. i wonder#did the flower grow to be meant to be undeserving of such kindness? or are there thorns on its petals that serve as an unbeknownst barrier?
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mythbringer-mayhem · 3 months
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GODDAMNIT
man, I was just scrolling and now I'm a goddamn Raidioapple shipper what the FUCK
Ok ok-
And now I'm going to elaborate just because.
I was expecting someone out there to ship Lucifer and Alastor the second I heard Hell's Greatest Dad. I mean- two people singing/arguing over being father figures? Sounds gay to me /pos. The internet sure does love it's enemies to lovers (me included. I'm hopless lmao.)
BUT. I have specifics for this ship.
I hate it when people just look at Alastor's aromanticism/asexuallity and just go "nah. I'm just gonna do it anyways." I used to headcanon Alastor as complete aroace in the sense that he just can't feel that way for someone (this is not meant to sound like "oh he can't love anyone :( he's incapable" I mean specifically a romantic/sexual relationship.) Then fucking short ass king of hell arrives, and Alastor just IMMEDIATELY chooses violence.
I didn't think much of that besides "oh that's a little interesting," and then I stumbled across Radioapple and had to take a double take. My brain needed to figure out how that would work, like how it would start, flourish, ineract, yadda yadda-
.....so now I consider Alastor Demiromantic-
(I'm still goddamn writing jeez-)
Read on if you like random people looking wayyyyyy too much into fictional characters.
Headcanon timeeeeeeeee
When Lucifer and Alastor first meet, Alastor is surprised Lucifer doesn't know who he is. Up to this point, everyone knows about the terrifying radio demon, so it must be a little weird for someone to be completely ignorant to his existence. Especially when that person should probably know the ins and outs of what's going on- ....because he's the fucking king of hell.
This is something new for Alastor. It made him curious. When you're curious, you try to learn more right? So, Alastor starts pushing Lucifer's buttons, seeing how he reacts. On Lucifer's end, Alastor's just being a smug asshole. However his true intentions are information on the esteemed oh-so-powerful king of hell. Maybe Alastor doesn't quite know where this fascination comes from, but regardless he wants to learn more. I can picture him progressively bothering Lucifer more and more (this is his unique way of getting to know him semi-discreetly)
As well as figuring out what ticks him off, Alastor would also probably passively learn things Lucifer likes. For instance, he finds out what Lucifer's favorite alcoholic drink is or something- bare with me- Let’s say Lucifer has a rough day, and it's very clear to everyone in the hotel. While he's frustrated in his own room, he hears a knock at the door. Answering it, he finds his aforementioned favorite drink. At this point, he wouldn't know who left it. But after a while, he'd be able to figure out it's Alastor through process of elimination. (This is inspired by a comic I saw! :))
Now we've got Alastor trying to discreetly be kind to Lucifer, and Lucifer is aware without his knowledge. And Lucifer would call him out for it lmao. Slowly, they'd start acting friendlier towards each other. It would take a long, long time though. The slowest slow burn of them all. They'd hang out more, do things, kick angel ass, have friendly banter, do stuff with Charlie. Untill Alastor finally realizes that he might have a crush on Lucifer. Though, I feel he'd take a while to fully figure that out, do some soul searching, maybe go to Rosie for advice.
Then they'd confess. Or they wouldn't lol. I can totally see them going on what is essentially a date, even though they just consider it "hanging out". It would be a quiet relationship. Something you'd miss if you aren't looking for it, but it is there. They both just need someone they can rest with in my opinion.
These ideas are probably sporadic and nonsensical- but I ✨️don't care✨️ I just needed to rant about the old timey deer man and the short depressed apple gremlin.
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artists-ally · 7 months
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{Flatline} Harvey Specter x OFC {Pt.2}
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Helllloooooooo. This is probably the filthiest thing I've written in a long time so I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. As I've been writing this part, I've tortured @rosedpetal to no end with a few teasers and I cannot wait for her reaction. As always, if anyone wants to be tagged in the next part lmk in the comments!!! I love seeing your guys' reactions it makes my day. enjoy loves <3 p.s. this is my birthday gift to you guys (even though it was two days ago it still counts)
Pt. 1 Character Playlist
Word count: 13,156 (holy shit)
Warnings: age gap, smut (18+), degration, exhibitionism, dom/sub vibes, language, anxiety/anxious thoughts, angst, a touch of fluff, more inaccurate lawyer shit
Summary: After Claudia and Harvey win their first case, the week and a half that follows is filled with more of Harvey's 'confidence boosters' and valuable lessons ;). But when they hit a snag in the case, Harvey can't keep the one promise he made to Claudia.
Tagging: @rosedpetal @maxdamax @ashcosmo
~~~~~
When I woke up the morning after, I didn’t know what to think. And I surely didn’t know what to do the next day. Or the day after that. Even a week later, mostly consumed with thoughts of Harvey and how to avoid him, I couldn’t shake the feeling that what we were doing was wrong. 
I mean, in ways it was. For starters, he was a name partner and I was a first year associate. He was at least ten years older than I was. Probably more. What would my parents think? My brothers? 
Hell, what do I think? 
It’s no secret that Harvey is a good looking guy; his sharp jaw, his cunning eyes and fierce smirk that always appeared whenever our eyes would meet. Just because I said I tried to avoid him, doesn’t mean my evasions worked. Nine times out of ten it always fails. Miserably. 
By the time the elevator chimed, the doors whisked open and I immediately looked to his office. Good, he wasn’t there. He always seemed to be waiting for me in his office, just watching. It was like he was stalking his prey. Which, in a way, always sent my skin burning and my mind running. Running right back to his tongue on mine, his hand in my hair… my hand wrapped around-
“Good morning, Claudia,” Donna’s perky voice nearly sent me to the hospital. She was already sitting in my cubicle. When did I end up in the bullpen?
“Jesus, don’t you know how to not give a girl a heart attack?”
She chuckled, “I like to start every day off with a surprise.” In her hand was another blue file. Labeled Friddle vs. Gustoson. It was a corporate case, something about some patent being violated and a stolen technology design.
“What is this for?” 
“Harvey wants to work with you on another case. He has not shut up about how well you did on the last one and knows you’ll bring this home too,” she was grinning. A look that meant trouble.
“Is that… all he’s talked about?” I had to be cautious. If she knew about what happened, I knew she’d tell me. But if she didn’t I certainly didn’t want her to find out. 
“I mean, he raved about that cross examination you gave. And about how nervous you were, but that he’s gonna keep working with you to help build that up because we all know you are the best damn associate this firm has to offer.”
Holy shit she didn’t know. She had no idea. Keep it cool, Claudia, don’t let your face give it all away.
“Oh,” I tried not to sigh in relief. “Yeah I was shitting bricks before the trial. But I did it, I guess.”
“You’re goddamn right you did,” she stood up, taking my hands in hers. “And you’re gonna kick ass again. And, since I know Harvey won’t say it to you, I’m proud of you. Good work, Claudia. Keep it up and Junior partner might be here sooner than you think.”
Donna’s ginger hair swayed back and forth as she waltzed away. That was a perfect way to describe her walk, a dance. I should learn how to walk like that.
I sat, firing up my computer and sorting through the motions and other filing work on my desk. It seemed like this part of the job never ended. We had to single-handedly be the reason twenty percent of the Amazon was gone. 
Other associates around me were gathered at Griffin's desk, chatting about whatever they did over the weekend. I had never, not once, been invited out for drinks or to lunch by any of the associates. Not that I expected to be, I never really made an effort. Not that I wanted to befriend any of these assholes. 
After I won the case, instead of congratulating me on keeping Harvey’s client with the firm and sending the losers running with their tail between their legs, all I got were dirty looks and hushed whispers behind closed doors. 
It made me feel nauseous. What if they knew? What if they found out about Harvey and I’s… whatever it was, and were spreading it through the office? Soon it would reach him. And if Harvey hear rumors then Donna would, and then Louis and Jessica and god knows who else-
“Griffin, Harvey wants to see you in his office,” Donna’s voice rang through the bullpen. Him and his group of dogs were not shy with the looks they gave me. My heart sank in my chest. At the same time I was relieved that it wasn’t me; at least then I wouldn’t have to deal with the hateful, resentful looks. Those were even worse than the ones of triumph. 
I occupied my ever anxious mind by burying my nose in the legal book next to my keyboard, highlighting rapidly to find the errors of some of the other associates' mistakes. Louis always had me check the others' work. He knew– either because Donna vouched for me, or he just saw that I was half competent– that I wouldn’t let careless mistakes slip through. So I always got them.
Lucky me. 
From grammatical errors to punctuation, it was endless. I wasn’t sure who this was, but they clearly have never taken an English class because they used ‘affect’ wrong. It needed to be ‘effect’. Within the same brief, they used ‘to’ instead of ‘too’, and ‘accept’ instead of ‘except’. I wanted to find whoever this was and smack them across the face because this was completely unacceptable for a Harvard graduate. 
I mean, how does one spend well over a hundred thousand dollars and not know the difference between their, there, and they’re? It pisses me off. If Louis ever saw these things before they were edited he’d have a coronary. 
A hand slammed down on my desk. I jumped halfway out of my skin and bit down on the cap of the highlighter, hard enough to have it crack and pinch my tongue. 
“Harvey wanted you instead,” Griffin bit out. His face was twisted and contorted. Obviously pissed. 
Why did he want me? 
I scrambled a little, careful to put all my papers away so we wouldn’t have another incident like I did with my first case. And I made sure to bring it with me this time, basically implanted it in my hand, just to be safe. 
“Mr. Specter, you wanted to see me?” He was looking out the window at the view below. Sometimes it made me lightheaded to think about how high up we were. I’ve never been good with heights. 
“Yes, I did.”
“Can I ask why you called Griffin in first instead of just coming to me?”
Harvey turned around, fussing with his cufflink before sitting down on the corner of his desk. “I just thought you’d like to have the satisfaction of Griffin being turned away.”
I blinked, “Satisfaction? I don’t understand, you did that on purpose?”
“Yeah, I guess I did,” Harvey’s smirk was evil. 
“Why?” I still didn’t get it. Why bring Griffin in and then tell him ‘sorry, I actually meant the first year, not you’. It seemed kind of pointless when he could’ve just… “Oh…”
“Now you understand?”
“You wanted Griffin to know that he is still not the first choice, and that that first choice is me.” “It has been, and it will continue to be. If he can’t see that, then I’ll make him,” Harvey stood, coming to stand in front of me. Almost too close; we were not in the safety of an empty office, I couldn’t let him get too close.
“Why not just come to the bullpen and do it yourself?”
“Because,” he squared his shoulders, “I wanted to knock him down a peg. When I call someone into my office, or have Donna do it, it means I need them for something. I just wanted Griffin to tell you that I needed you for the sole reason of getting under his skin.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Mr. Specter-” “Harvey.” He corrected. 
I swallowed. “Harvey, I appreciate it. Well, in theory I do, but that is besides the point. Ever since we won-”
“You won,” he corrected again. I see what he’s doing. 
“I won,” I huffed, “ever since, I have had a target on my back. People are whispering about me and I don’t need you to escalate the situation. Especially with someone who already hates me.”
Harvey cast his eyes away from mine. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put unnecessary pressure on your shoulders.”
My lips pressed in a line, arms crossing over my chest. I knew what this would do, what it would look like from outside eyes: that Harvey was doing me a favor. Giving me special treatment. In a way I guess he was, but it was because I earned it. Right? I had earned this? My place by his side as an associate? Not by his side, at his side. I worked with Harvey side-by-side. And you’re goddamn right I earned it. 
Maybe Harvey’s weird Jedi mind tricks are working. As weird as they are. 
“You’ve got that look in your eye,” Harvey spoke softly. 
“What look?” He smiled, “The one where you’re having some internal conflict. Battling it out in your head like Rocky and Apollo, two greats against each other. Claudia, you’re doing great here. And I know you believe it, but you’ve gotta learn to not spiral out of control when something comes up. You can handle it.”
He’s right, Harvey’s always right. Most of the time. 
I followed his eyes to the corner of my mouth. He furrowed his brows, bringing his hand up. His thumb brushed against my skin and I froze. Spine cemented in place. What is he doing? Doesn’t he know how many people could be-
“Just some highlighter,” he reassured. I must’ve missed the cap once or twice. “Have you had a chance to look at the case?”
My brain was half melted. “Sort of, I glanced at it when Donna gave it to me. Seem’s… ballsy.”
“It certainly isn’t gonna be a walk-off,” he sighed. “Which is why I want you to come with me to the meeting with Jay Friddle. He wants to settle with Gustoson.”
“And you don’t want him to?”
“You’re goddamn right I don’t,” Harvey snapped. Not really at me, but at me. I couldn’t help the flinch, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. “Sorry. No, I don’t want him to settle. I think there is some shady shit going on, and I think he’s being framed. I’ve known Jay for five years and I know he didn’t steal their design. Whoever is behind this set him up and made this whole thing look like his fault.”
“When is the meeting?”
“Later today, two-forty.”
“Okay, give me some time to review and do some research on the employees. If he’s being framed, maybe it was an inside job. There could be someone who is from Gustoson’s posing as a loyal employee, or maybe someone cut a deal with them for a pretty penny.”
Harvey gave a firm nod, and I turned to leave. His hand wrapped around my arm and kept me from going. 
“That’s my girl,” he moved a piece of my hair from my forehead. “Always so eager to get to work.”
“Harvey,” I warned. “N-Not here.”
“No one is watching.” “How can you be so sure?” I felt that tingling feeling prick my fingers. The kind of numbness you get when something unexplainable happens and you’re not sure if it’s real. Or when your life flashes before your eyes. 
“Look around?”
I gently turned away from his touch, looking around at the weirdly empty office. All those around were occupied, engaged in conversation and not paying attention. Even Donna was nowhere to be found.   
“I can see that our first… session,” he decided on. His front was pressed close to my back, lips right against the shell of my ear. “Has started to work. You took precedent and responsibility without a second thought. But, you were still wary when I called you in here. I think I need to weed it out of you. Give you something to be in control of.”
A single finger trailed the length of my spine. I could barely breathe. My body, which was not helping me in any way, leaned back into him. 
“How about this, while you’re doing your research, you think of what you want. Of how I can please you, of how you can take control of me. Then whenever we get back, meet me in the file room on the fiftieth floor. How does that sound, sweetheart?”
He was a twisted son of a bitch, that's for sure. 
“Yeah,” I nearly choked on my own tongue when his hand wrapped around the back of my neck. “Yeah I’ll think about it, Harvey.”
“Good girl, Claudia.”
_____
Focus? What was that? How does one simply focus after they’re told they’re gonna have their deepest fantasies lived out in just a few hours? All I could do was think about Harvey between my legs. His fingers wrapped around my neck. 
Of course I knew what I’d ask him to do, but physically saying the words out loud was a whole other thing. That’s what I'm not sure I can do. And I know he’ll make me say it before he’ll even think about giving me what I want.
God damn Harvey Specter. 
At first it had been anxiety that consumed me about him; wondering when he was gonna pop by and request, demanding rather, that I help him with something. But now it was different. I craved him. His mouth on mine, his scent. Harvey always smelled so good. It was calm and didn’t give me a headache like most of them do. Definitely not a cedar or pine or some other woodsy bullshit. Mellow is a great way to put it. 
His hands certainly won’t be mellow when they’re working in and out of- okay Claudia that’s enough. My computer is spinning spinning spinning in circles as I wait for some files to be uploaded. 
When Harvey had me leave his office, not without pressing his obvious need into my ass, I went straight to looking into those employees. About four hours of searching through employee records and cross checking them with ex-employees of Gustosons. Most of them were clean, a few that had a past, but nothing in relation to what we needed. 
That was until I stumbled across one of the hiring managers. His name was Nelson and he seemed like a grade A asshole. He had worked with Gustoson for ten years before leaving and making his way to our client. And he brought over some of the IT department. 
Bingo. 
“Hey Claudia, Harvey wants to know if you’re ready to go for the meeting?” Donna paused by my desk. 
“Yes, I just need to run to the printer and then I will be right in,” I smiled up at her, tucking my file under my arm and grabbing my keys. “Tell him I’ll be right there.”
She hummed and waltzed off. If I had been alone in the bullpen I’d one hundred percent be trying to copy her movements. I mean, how was it possible that she moved so smoothly in a pair of stilettos? I could barely walk in a straight line with flats or a wedge. 
Donna was mind blowing. Donna was Donna. 
By the time I made it to the printer, my papers were there and I just skimmed over them just to make sure I wasn’t taking anyone else's. I had done that before; one of the first weeks I had been working here. I sent my papers to a printer three floors below ours and accidentally grabbed another associate’s. I was mortified, but the girl, Kathrine Bennett? Kaitlyn? Something like that, but she was really nice. She had done the same thing once. I think she got fired and was now at a rival firm. A shame, I wish I got the chance to know her. 
This might seem kind of weird, but I oddly loved the feeling of freshly printed paper. It was always kind of warm and had this very light scent. And it was smooth and easy to flip through. One of those things that brings me a little bit of joy in this hellscape. 
“Hi, sweetheart,” I damn near buckled to the floor. Harvey’s voice was right against the back of my neck, and the presence around me suddenly felt all too warm.
“Jesus Harvey,” I chuckled, trying not to let my fingers tremble. “Maybe don’t sneak up behind me like that?” “I said your name, but you obviously didn’t hear me.”
No. I didn’t. But I did feel his hand slip up the back of my thigh. I went motionless. My breath came out in stutters as he dragged it across my ass, up and around my hip, palm flat against the space right below my belly button. Harvey pulled me back into him, his earlier arousal still there. 
Had it gone away at all? Or did he walk in here just now and get another? No, that couldn’t be. I mean, it wasn’t like I was trying to get a reaction out of him or anything. 
“Harvey I-”
“I locked the door.”
That settled me instantly. I let my hand find the back of his head, letting his lips brush over my neck and shoulder. “Seems like you’re the one who couldn’t wait.”
“Not when you look like that, no. I can’t resist you when you taunt me like this. With a skirt this short, those buttons undone a few more than they had been earlier.”
“I was just hot,” I explained. 
“Oh trust me, I know how hot you are.” Harvey must’ve seen my eye roll at his terrible joke. “You’re right, I couldn’t wait until after our meeting. I needed to have something to hold me over.”
His hands crept around to my chest, fingers ever so gentle as they skimmed over my shirt. As if Harvey’s hands commanded my will, there was nothing I could do to keep from sighing out when he pinched my nipples. It forced me to arch back into him. 
“You’re sensitive, aren’t you? That is very good to know. Where else are you so sensitive? Here?” He kissed right below my ear, then nipped at it. Another spine bending shudder. God damn that laugh of his. “What about here, hmm?” He tugged up the edge of my skirt, toying with the waistband of my underwear, letting it snap back against my skin. “Aww, look at how much you want me to touch you. You’re a writhing mess aren’t you?”
“Harvey,” I pleaded. 
“Harvey what?”
That son of a bitch. I knew he was going to do it and yet I still wasn’t prepared. 
“Harvey, we're gonna be late for the meeting.”
“It’s at three.” 
He turned me around, hand on my neck, so fast I almost went dizzy. He backed me up against the wall and had this devious look on his face. Harvey crushed his mouth to mine and wasted no time sweeping his tongue into my mouth.
I sure as hell wasn’t going to stop him. He was such a good kisser, so dominant and reactive to my endless noises. And he was really good at pulling them from me. 
Harvey lifted under my thighs and pushed my skirt back in the same motion, planting me against the wall, legs wrapped around his waist. It was hard to remember what happened next, but he was quick to pluck open a few more buttons of my shirt and pull my bra down.
If I thought his tongue felt good on mine…
I had to put my own hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t make any noise. Well, I did a shit job, but it wasn’t too loud. 
His mouth was hot on my skin, leaving behind small bruises and wet marks. He bit down, and I hissed, and he grinned before letting up. He slowly set me down, not breaking eye contact as he seamlessly fixed my bra and shirt, reshuffling my skirt back to where it was before. 
“If you liked that, just wait till I get my tongue between those legs of yours. And don’t you worry, sweetheart, I promise I will be far less controlled when I taste you for the first time.”
And then he was gone. He left me there. 
I ran my fingers through my hair, schooled my face into the best neutral one I could and followed him out. Not too close, I didn’t need anyone speculating. 
How Harvey managed to keep his face unreadable was unbeknownst to me. It seemed impossible, I’d need a cold shower and at least seventy-two hours notice to get my head back on. But there he was in the lobby. Totally stoic. Totally unphased. Totally not looking like he had his teeth leaving marks on my chest and making wetness pool between my legs. 
“Oh, there she is,” Donna sighed in relief. “We were starting to think you ran away. Get going you two, you’re gonna be late. Go kick their ass in that depo.”
“Seems like that's all Claudia knows how to do,” Harvey said, giving me a wink when Donna walked off after wishing us good luck.
“You really do not know how to keep it in your pants,” I led the way to the elevator. 
“Why would I want to when I have you to take care of it?”
I just stared blankly at him, his grin spreading wider and wider. God damn Harvey Specter. 
When we slid in the backseat of the car, his hand immediately went to my thigh and it was all I could think about. It was so warm, and so deceptively big. Long fingers brushed over my skin, leaving goosebumps behind.
I had a feeling he was doing all of this on purpose, trying to get me riled up for after this meeting. Since I can’t get away from him, especially right now, all I could do was think about what I wanted most from him. 
To see him smirking between my legs while he made me come undone has got to be at the top of the list. I wonder if he’ll like the way I taste. Shit I haven’t shaved in for-fucking-ever. Is he gonna be disgusted? What if he thinks I’m unhygienic for not taking care of it?
I mean… it hasn’t been that long, a month or two? But I wish I would’ve thought about it. It never occurred to me, even after the endless daydreams, that we’d actually continue all of this. Especially to this much. 
By no means was I a virgin, but I haven’t been in a serious relationship in well over a year, so why did I need to keep things neat down there?  I do not do hookups. Never had, never thought I would. But this technically also wasn’t a hookup? 
What the hell would you even call this? 
My mind was rampant at this point. Going in a billion different directions, all delusional thinking. It was irrational. Not true. And I knew that, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about them. I couldn’t steer my mind away from one in particular: did Harvey even think I was attractive? 
It might seem like a silly question when, about twenty minutes ago, he had me moaning his name in the file room. But it still crossed my mind. Maybe he just thought I was naive and easily manipulatable. That he could have me just because he could, you know? 
It made me feel sick to my stomach. 
Why are you torturing yourself, Claudia? Obviously Harvey finds you attractive. He straight up left bruises on your skin with how eager he was to get at your tits, give yourself a little grace for once.
Why was my inner conscience now sounding like Harvey? I never told myself to ‘give a little grace’. He’s getting in my head. Changing the way I think and talk about myself. Then again I guess that was his whole reason for doing this in the first place-
“Hey pretty girl,” Harvey tapped my leg. “What are you thinking about so hard? You’re white-knuckling your seatbelt.”
Pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl…
I broke out into a huge smile. “Nothing, nothing at all.”
_____
My grin was permanently plastered on my face. We absolutely blew their fucking heads off in that depo. They had no idea what hit them.
“And when you threatened to put Nelson on the stand? Ugh, perfection, the look on their face was priceless. I’ll be replaying it all night and into tomorrow. That shit was awesome,” I couldn’t help the giddy squeal I let out either.
Harvey smiled brightly, a fondness to his face that I hadn’t ever seen before when our eyes met in the elevator on the way back to the firm. 
“Now do you see why I like winning so much?”
I nodded, “Yeah, I can definitely see how it gets addicting. That was… wow. That was amazing. You were amazing, we were amazing.”
“...And?” He pressed. I flushed, I couldn’t fucking help it. 
“And I was… amazing.”
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. What did you say?”
“You’re one cruel son of a bitch you know that right?” I rolled my eyes. “I was amazing.”
“There you go,” that same fond smile from before showing again. “Now say it again like you actually believe it.”
“I do actually believe it-”
“Say it again.” The smile was gone. 
My throat worked down and I shifted on my feet, clutching my purse in my hands. Just do it and get it over with.
“I did fucking amazing,” I said with a little more umph. It worked, Harvey grinned like the Devil and caught my mouth with his right before the door chimed open. 
“Oh, and before you go and spend all night replaying it over and over, there’s something else I’d like to have you remembering more.”
When I glanced up, I saw that it wasn’t the firm, but the fiftieth floor. The goddamn file room… I had forgotten. How could I have forgotten? I trailed behind him as he led the way, anxiety swirling so violently in my stomach I wasn’t entirely sure that I wasn’t gonna vomit. 
My brain immediately kept trying to think of ways out of it. But my stupid fucking feet kept moving. Why did they keep moving? I didn’t want them to move-
“Claudia, is everything okay? You look… really pale,” Harvey asked once he shut the door and locked it. He looked incredibly concerned, which really only made it worse. “If you don’t want to do this right now we don’t have to.”
“It’s not that,” I shook my head, plastering a smile on my face. Don’t let some god damn hair ruin this, Claudia. You’re gonna be fine. Deep breaths. “Well?”
“Well… what?” He took a step closer, taking my purse from me and setting it on a cabinet. 
“Aren’t you going to ask what I’ve been thinking about? What I’ve been wanting all day?”
“Oh I already know,” he said. “I just want to see if you’re going to tell me or not.”
Touche.
“I don’t need to ask you,” I felt my anxiety melt away, and that surge of power rush in my veins. The same way it did Harvey and I’s first night. “You said you wanted to please me, and if you already know what I want, why aren’t you already between my legs giving it to me?”
His hand on my neck was the only validation he gave me before lifting me up onto a counter, or a cabinet, I didn’t really care.
Wow I can’t believe that actually worked. We’re getting the hang of this, bitch. Keep it up.
Harvey’s tongue tangled with mine, pulling strings of pleas and moans from me. He unbuttoned my shirt yet again, adding to the marks he left earlier. I laid down; thankfully whatever I was on was long enough. Being tall has its perks for sure, but doesn’t necessarily work for these particular scenarios. 
As he bent over me, I let my shoes slide off, wrapping a leg around his hip so my front melted with his. I ground against him, and he wasn’t shy about what it did to him. He pushed back, hand palming at my chest, the other pinning my other thigh to the surface. 
It was so hard to breathe with him over me. But in the most pleasurable way possible. An intoxing sort of suffocation of having his mouth on mine, his chest pressed close, his very obvious arousal doing wonders for my own. 
The second his hands began to push up my skirt, those thoughts came with it. I felt the panic rise in my chest, and the confidence I had built up crumbled to the floor. 
“H-Harvey-”
“Yes, sweetheart?” His voice was sickly sweet and it almost made all those thoughts go away. 
“I umm- I just don’t want you to be- I haven’t… god I am so sorry.”
“You’ve never had someone go down on you?” Harvey asked, eyes wide. “Who the hell have you been with in the past cause they were obviously assholes and I’ll-”
“No no Harvey,” I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “That’s not what I was talking about.”
“Then what, Claudia.”
“Nothing nothing, it’s fine, just go back to-”
“Not until you tell me everything's okay. Just tell me, it’s alright, sweetheart,” his voice was so tender. And his eyes, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that they were loving in a way. But that was most certainly an irrational thought. 
I blushed, so much felt it go down my neck and light up my chest. 
“Claudia-” “I haven’t shaved,” I blurted out. “I didn’t know this was happening and if I did I would’ve cleaned up for you so if you don’t want to I understand and we can do this another time but I don’t want you to be disappointed and grossed out and-” I actually yelped. He forced my skirt off, pulling off my stockings and tossing them over his shoulder. Then slid my underwear down my legs, not before he made fun of the little pink bow that was on the front. 
He splayed my legs wide, throwing one over his shoulder, pinning the other down. The first touch of his tongue nearly made me tear up. His mouth was so hot. So warm and it felt so good as it curved in and out of me. 
Bliss. Pure, raw, satisfying bliss encased me. I jolted when he flicked over my clit, sending a very much welcome tremble down my spine. I arched up and couldn’t help but grind against his face.
Harveys nails left dents in my skin. I hoped that they would bruise. He was not shy about how good I tasted. He had such a filthy way of describing what I did to him, and he knew that every word would get an even more filthy noise from my chest. 
I could see my wetness smeared on his cheeks; I was a mess since the car on the way to the meeting. Which was well over two hours ago now. It made everything feel that much better. 
Harvey took my leg off his shoulder, pushing it flat to the counter. He then took my chest between his fingers, definitely not careful with how hard he pinched and pulled. My legs quivered, clamping against his head, only for him to force them back down. 
“Keep them there,” he stood, wrapping his palm across my throat. “I’m gonna make you cum on my tongue, but you’re not going to do it until I say, understand?”
“Yes, Harvey.” I thought about calling him sir, but I wasn’t sure what it would do. I really really really wanted to know, but it was more than likely something we should save for the privacy outside of the office because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my screams at bay.
I could barely do it right now. 
He brought me in for a possessive kiss before laying me back down and settling between my legs. His fingers scratched and marked the insides of my thighs. I could feel my release building, and how on earth he knew I’ll never know, but every time I got relatively close, he slowed down, sending me right back to the start. It was infuriating, and I almost said something, but then he kept going. 
And kept going and going and going-
“Harvey,” I sighed, breathless and airy. I had to bite on my fingers to keep from making too much noise. Again, I was doing a really shit job. 
“Not yet,” he ordered. “Harvey I can’t…”
“Yes, you can, sweetheart. And you will because you love doing what I tell you, don’t you? You love being on display for me while I have my way with you.” I did. “You don’t even need to say it, I can taste how much you want it. Such a good girl for me, now be good and take it just a little longer and I promise I’ll make it worth it.”
I had no doubt that he would, so I nodded. I bit my lip and nodded. His smirk was devastating as he swiped his thumb through my folds and pressed it to my lips. I sucked urgently, showing him just how good I wanted to be. 
Something changed in his eyes then. It wasn’t just dominance that resonated behind his shaded eyes. It was a look of possession, of ownership. There was definitely a whole other side to Harvey I hadn’t seen yet, but I’d be damned if I didn’t do anything to see it. 
So I placed my foot on his shoulder and pushed until he knelt back on the ground. His grin was wild, purely animalistic and feral in a way. 
Harvey Specter, aka the best damn attorney in the state of New York just knelt to the ground because you told him to. This man is bent to your will, you can make him do anything.
He resumed his mostions, taking the time to mark my thighs even more. I couldn’t think straight anymore. I don’t know how long it's been since we started, but I was quivering, begging for a release. It was right there, so close and so far away at the same time but if I could just get a little more…
“You taste so fucking good, Claudia. I want you to cum on my tongue and don’t you dare be fucking shy with those pretty little noises of yours. I want to know exactly how my tongue is making you feel, just how good you feel. You want to be good, don’t you?”
I nodded rapidly, saying just as much. “Yes, Harvey, yes I want to be good for you.”
“You’re learning so well,” he looked like he was in a daze. “Cum for me, sweetheart. Be my good girl and give me what I want. I know just how much you need it.”
It came so fast it caught me off guard. His fingers… his tongue… it was otherworldly. I haven’t ever felt this euphoric. I kept my noises down, but my breath was out of control, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth. 
Harvey didn’t let up even with my release, he kept going going going even well after I began to settle back down. I tried to get him to let up; I couldn’t speak so I pushed against his shoulder but he pinned my ankle down.
He wasn’t done with me. 
He licked me dry, gently kissing my skin when he was done. Sweat lined my hair and back, but he was done. And I was limp and thoroughly worked over. 
“I knew you could be good,” he cooed. His hand brushed over my exposed chest, toying with me a little before helping me sit up. He carefully helped dress me again, letting my head come back before kissing me again. Not only did he taste like me, he smelled like it too. 
But his kiss was soft. Softer than it had been before. 
“Feel alright?” he asked, and all I could do was nod. He chuckled, motioning for me to hop down. Harvey’s hand steadied me as he picked up a foot and placed my shoe one, doing the same for the other. This… fizzy feeling bubbled in my chest as I watched him. 
It made me smile uncontrollably. 
“What are you so smiley about?” He asked, welcoming me when I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. 
“Nothing,” I sighed, a content sigh and let my chest rest against his, chin on his shoulder. “I just feel… nice. Really really nice.”
Harvey laughed, “Well I’m glad you feel really really nice. You tasted really really good.”
I swatted at his chest. When we were this close, it was easy to forget all the complex things about our situation: the fact that he was my boss, or how much older he was than me. That he just ate me out like a god in our file room after a huge step in our case. There were so many risks in all of this, but right here none of them seemed that big. A swirling thought in the back of my head wouldn’t let them go, but they could be tamed in this moment.
“Oh, don’t you ever feel embarrassed about not being ‘cleaned up’ for me. I don’t care. Getting to be between your legs is an experience I am beyond privileged to get. You don’t ever have to worry about me being disgusted by you or your body. It’ll never happen, never gonna be possible, Claudia.”
For a long time, I had always thought that Harvey was kind of a dick. They he never gave a shit about anyone other than himself and his reputation. Clearly that wasn’t the case. He, very obviously, cared a whole hell of a lot more than I thought. 
Clearly Harvey cared for me beyond the idea of our sexual desires. I genuinely believe that he wants me to have more confidence in myself. This is just killing two birds with one stone. And I certainly didn’t mind having Harvey Specter between my legs.
“Would you like to-”
“Oh, Harvey what are you- oh, hi Claudia. What are you guys doing in here?” Louis asked. I instantly detached myself from Harvey and took a huge step back. “Is everything alright? Claudia you look really flushed, are you not feeling well? Do you need to go home?”
“No, no Louis I’m alright,” I could feel my skin ignite. “We were just… looking for old files for our case. I just needed a hug. Stress is a bitch.”
How did you manage to pull that outta your ass? 
“Well, you’ve come to the right place. I give the best hugs on earth. Get over here,” Louis insisted. 
“Thank you Louis, but I’m-”
“It’s non negotiable,” he nodded. “Come on, bring it in my dazzling little friend.”
I looked at Harvey who was clearly trying not to burst out in hysterical laughter. I hugged Louis, and it was surprisingly good. Not as good as Harvey, but then again maybe I was just a bit biased. 
“You know my door is always open to you, Claudia,” Louis reassured before he grabbed a box, the one right where I had just been laid out, and practically skipped away. 
When the door shut, I covered my face and Harvey nearly fell over. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I wanted to evaporate and never be seen again. There was no way that Louis just… I appreciated his complete obliviousness. More so than ever.
“Okay, that might’ve been more entertaining than sticking it to Gustoson.”
“Not a word, Specter,” I warned. 
“Specter, huh? Well, Martin, you’re lucky I’m in such a good mood because I would really love to go tell Donna about this little interaction.”
My heart sank. “Does she know?”
“No,” my heart began to beat again. “Which baffles me. You are really terrible at wearing your emotions on your face, by the way."
“I don’t understand how you can be so calm, it makes no sense. My brain scrambles and my mouth disconnects from it. I couldn’t believe I managed to spit out something coherent when Louis walked in.”
“It’s cute watching you stutter.”
I blushed.
“That's cute, too.”
“Shut up.” Harvey smiled. “Would you teach me? How to have some sort of a poker face?”
“You want me to?” I nodded, and he looked off behind me, obviously thinking of something. “Okay, stay after everyone has gone home tomorrow, I have an idea.”
“Uh oh, don’t hurt yourself.” He grabbed my arm, laying a firm hand on my ass. I yelped at the smack, eyes going wide.
“Wanna try that again?”
“If we weren’t in an un-sound-proofed office I’d say yes.” That didn’t stop him from doing it again, only this time spinning me around and pushing me down on the counter, fisting my hair and yanking hard enough to bring a tear to my eye. 
“Two strikes, Caudia. Be careful how you read the next pitch.” I really wanted to make an awful sports joke, but I didn’t need to risk someone else walking in and seeing this. There would be no way to explain around it. 
I’d have to move to Antarctica and become a penguin. 
“Okay okay,” I mumbled out. He released me and I turned around. Not without feeling how hard he was. I pulsed between my legs again. Man, did I want to feel that between my legs. I already had a good idea of what he looked like, and god damn did I want it. 
“I’ll be in my office if you need me,” Harvey said, playing with my hair. “Try not to think of me too much, my Claudia.”
My Claudia…
My mouth was dry. “You know I will.”
“Of course you will,” he winked before turning.
I was certainly not going to let him have the last laugh. 
I’d wait a couple hours and then attack. I had a plan, surely one he’d never see coming. It was almost six now and I couldn’t think of anything work related. Just Harvey. I had that sore, sweet burn of an overstimulated release still, and couldn’t feel more content.
But I wasn’t satisfied by any means. 
I waited a little longer before printing out the transcription from our depo to go over. Yes, we had boxed Gustoson in and backed him into a corner, but like Harvey always said, when there was a gun pointed to your head there were seventy-five other ways out. We had to be prepared for every single one. 
When I picked them up, I swung by Donna’s desk.
“Hey hot shot,” she cheered. “Heard about the depo, you really are one hell of a lawyer, aren’t you?”
“Well, what can I say? I’m just awesome at what I do,” I beamed. “Do you know where Harvey went? He wanted to go over it so we can get a clear idea of what their next move will be. I think they’re all out of cards to deal, but you never know.”
“Harvey really is rubbing off on you,” she looked me head to toe. Hide the face, hide the face. “Did something happen between you two? You’re like- glowing.”
Shit shit shit shit shit-
“No- well, no not really.”
“What do you mean ‘not really’?” She joined me on the other side of her desk. “Claudia, did he yell at you cause if he did I can-”
“No no, Donna. Everythings fine, more than fine actually. I am just… starting to feel more comfortable around him, is all. I don’t feel so nervous to be around him.”
“That’s fantastic,” Donna smiled, bringing me in for a hug. I prayed she didn’t feel my sweat back. “Good for you, Claudia. I knew it would happen sooner or later. I know he can be a hardass, but there is a method to his madness.”
“You don’t say,” she had no fucking idea. This was great. “Let me find him, I’ll be back before you leave to let you know how the depo really went.”
She just raised her eyebrows before I walked away.
Time for some real fun.
I pushed open the bathroom door, someone on their way out giving me a weird look. Harvey was at the sink washing his hands when he saw me.
“Claudia, what are you-”
I looked under the stalls and thankfully no one was in here. I locked the door. As I planted myself in front of him, I spoke so coolly it didn’t even sound like my voice. “You didn’t think I could leave you high and dry, did you? What kind of good girl would I be if I didn’t return the favor.”
“Claudia, sweetheart you don’t have to-”
“I want to. And I’m going to.”
I slipped to my knees, my eyes never leaving his. Even as I popped open the button of his trousers and untucked his shirt. They fell to his ankles and I let his briefs join them. He was hard and waiting for me so I didn’t waste time to build the confidence.
It was already there. 
Harvey braced against the sink when my tongue ran up the backside of his shaft, slowly starting to take him into my mouth. I worked it all the way in, earning a deep, guttural noise from him. 
“Jesus fucking… Claudia…”
I felt a rush of pride run through me at the thought of him not even being able to speak. It only motivated me that much more. 
I worked up and down, pausing every now and then to focus on the tip, ever so gently letting my teeth graze for a little extra pleasure. I wasn’t sure if he was going to like it, but he shivered. And when I did it again, he did it again. He was under my control.
I couldn’t help the spit that collected and fell down my chin, or the tears that fell from my eyes and smeared some of my mascara. I knew he didn’t mind because when he looked down, he swore and bucked his hips.
“God you look so hot stuffed full of my cock,” he put his hand on my head and pushed me all the way down. “And you know how to take it all the way, I didn’t even have to teach you. Such a good fucking girl, Claudia. If your throat feels this good I can’t fucking wait to be inside that pretty pink pussy of yours. I know it’ll be a tight fit but you’ll take it like such a good girl won’t you?”
I nodded, humming around him as he began to fuck my mouth. 
“Yeah, you love this, don’t you? Being full of my cock. I just know you were dying to taste it, huh? Go on then, open really fucking wide for me.”
His hips were brutal, pushing more tears out with every thrust. Harvey let the praises and moans fall from his mouth like the sweetest candy. I had to brace my hands on his thighs so he wouldn’t break my nose. That’s how hard he was going. 
“Gonna cum, sweetheart. You're gonna take it all down, aren’t you? Just wait until I get you on your hands and knees so I can fill you up and have you begging for it.”
I couldn’t help the whine that came out. Granted it was broken up by his thrusts, but that somehow made it dirtier. 
Harvey released, stilling his hips, pushing deep until his body lay flush with my face. He pulled out, cum coating his skin. I was more than happy to clean it off for him. 
“Awww look at you, Claudia. Being such a sweet girl and cleaning me up. God you are such a funcking slut for me. Show me.”
I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue, presenting it to him. Again, that dark, feral look was in his eyes. He grabbed me by my neck and pulled me to my feet. His eyes never left my tongue.
“Swallow.”
I did. Harvey’s laugh was cruel. His thumb was pressed right up against my esophagus, and I knew he felt it go down.
“I am going to fucking ruin you for anyone else, Claudia. I am going to take you apart and put you back together over and over again until all you’ll know is my name and how to breathe.”
I clenched my legs together, already feeling my desire come back. He let go and I bent to put him back together this time. When I put the button back through the slit, I made sure to keep my eyes on him. I gave a pat to his chest before turning for the door.
Before I left, I looked over my shoulder, swiping my thumb across the corner of my mouth to get a remaining drop of him. I dragged it over my tongue, giving my own devastating wink before leaving him alone.
_____
There were plenty of ways I could’ve spent the next twenty-four hours. Were any of them productive? Absolutely not. No matter how much water or tea I drank, I could still taste him on my tongue, and it only made me that much more distracted every time I remembered it.
I loved it when he told me how good I felt. 
Not only was Harvey incredibly good at being a lawyer, he was very diligent with his body. So responsive to every touch and noise I made. He made doing all of this feel not so intimidating.
Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I did feel like it was working. never in a million years would I have the balls to initiate an intimate moment with him, let alone any type of moment.
His madness was working. A little too well.
What he had planned next was beyond me. Apparently he went out for the day, according to Donna, who also told me he cleared the rest of his schedule for the night and asked if I knew anything about it. I felt bad lying to her, but I didn’t really know what else to do. She couldn’t know yet, I needed to wait. 
But when she came to check on me, eyes a little bloodshot from staring at this damn computer all day, she wished me good luck tonight and headed home. She hoped that Harvey wouldn’t run me into the ground.
I knew we weren’t going to get any work done. 
And I was so excited. 
I waited. And waited. And waited for Harvey to come find me. Maybe he was still out? I had no idea. I was about to call him when he walked into the bullpen.
“Oh, hey I was just looking for you.”
“Good,” the corners of his mouth curled up. “Come on, let's go to my office.”
I was more than eager to follow. When I got there, there was a bag on the corner of his desk, a note pad and a pen. “What’s all this?” “You asked me to help you with keeping your face unfazed. Well, I’m gonna help you. You’re going to sit in my lap while I’m inside you and we’re going to sit on this conference call with one of my clients in California. You’re gonna learn how to keep your voice steady while taking notes for me or everyone's gonna know what we’re doing. Are we clear?”
My whole world was tilted on its axes. This could go wrong on so many levels. My mouth voided any saliva and I couldn't process this idea.
“Harvey is this really a good idea when-” “You always do this, Claudia. We do something, you question it, and then you realize afterwards that I was right. When are you going to start trusting my ideas and just do what I say?”
I just rolled my eyes, “Fine. You’re right, and I do trust you."
“Of course I am, I’m Harvey Specter.” I really wanted to smack him, but he moved away before I could. He opened the bag and pulled out three boxes of condoms. “I wasn’t sure which kind you preferred so I grabbed a few options.”
That was, weirdly enough, one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. I know, it seems kind of lame, but it was incredibly thoughtful. I read the back of the boxes, settling on one and putting the others back in the bag. 
Everything’s gonna be fine, Claudia. He’s right, he knows what he’s doing. We’ve got this, just breathe and everything is gonna go great… holy shit you’re about to fuck Harvey. This is really about to fucking happen holy fucking fuck-
His presence in front of me took my rushing thoughts away. I smiled up at him before kissing him a few times. No turning back now. 
We didn’t dare fully undress, but I slipped down my bottoms and hiked up my skirt, Harvey doing more or less the same. Harvey brought my back to his front and gently swept my hair over my shoulders to help soothe me. I was shaking a little. 
“Relax, sweetheart. You’re gonna feel so good, I promise you.” Chills. All over my body. 
I eased down onto him, with his help, and settled into his lap. It burned and stretched so well. It took a good few steady breaths to adjust and let myself loosen up. 
“Good girl, Claudia,” he praised, that sickly sweet tone back once again. “That’s it, just lean back and let me do the rest.”
Harvey trailed his hands over my thighs, pulling my knees open so they fell over his own. I sighed out when his finger dragged around where we connected and up up up to where I was still so sensitive. I jolted, and he turned his face into my neck.
“Ready?” He asked, and I nodded. He dialed a number on the phone and it rang a few times before a voice came through the other line. “Brian Fergison, how is the West Coast treating you?” “Oh it’s a dream, Harvey. An absolute dream, you gotta come out here one of these days,” Brian said enthusiastically. “I have my insurance broker, CEO, accountant and consultant on here as well. Thomas, Daniel, Michael and Henry.”
A collection of hello’s and hey’s came through. “Nice to speak with you gentlemen. I have my personal associate, Claudia with me here. She’s been helping me out on a few cases recently and I thought I’d show her more of the big leagues.”
“It’s a pleasure to have you, Claudia. If you’re Harvey’s personal associate, you must be one hell of a lawyer,” Brian boasted and I could feel my flush. 
“Lets just say that I can give one hell of a nasty cross examination,” I said, voice calm and collected despite Harvey's fingers between my legs. “Most first years don’t get an opportunity like this so I appreciate it.”
“Wow, Harvey, where do you keep finding all these kick ass young stars?” “Harvard,” I answered for him, earning an array of laughs through the phone. I looked over at Harvey who had a devious grin plastered on his face. He thrusted up particularly hard, almost making me gasp out loud.
So that's how it's going to be?
I clenched hard, making him flinch. He dug in his nails as a warning. I listened.
“Alright, let’s get to the business at hand. I was hoping we could all discuss what is at stake for my company with the new rules and regulations…”
The conversation faded out for me. I half paid attention to what they were saying, but focused mostly on Harvey. And these stupid notes he had me taking. It was a steady pace, not fast at all, leisurely. He hit deep inside me, and it was incredibly difficult to not make any noise. I did my best to keep my face neutral, even though we weren’t on camera or anything. 
His hands crept up my shirt and played with my chest, making it even harder. I throbbed around him, hissing slightly. His grip shifted my hips, rocking me back and forth to grind even deeper. 
My wetness stuck to him and made noises I thought only we could hear.
“Is someone eating or something? What is that noise?” Brian asked. I went frozen, but Harvey pinched my nipple again as if to say ‘go on, answer him’.
“Sorry, Brian,” I responded, voice still together. “Harvey is a bit of a hardass and hasn’t let me have a break all day to eat. I’ll put us on mute and we can chime in if need be.”
“All good, and make sure Harvey hears that he needs to take it easy on you over there. Give that poor girl some time to breathe, man.”
“Don’t worry, Brian, she can handle that and a whole lot more.” Even I could hear the grin in Harvey's voice. I reached around me and hit the mute button, then sat up so abruptly I nearly smacked into the table. He placed one hand on the center of my back, holding me there, the other fisting my hair and pulling. Hard.
“You’re asking for it, aren’t you?” “And if I am?” I said, my breath stilling in my chest. 
“This is not how this call is going to go. It’s forty minutes long, so I hope you’re ready for that. Be careful how you speak about me because I can make this really fun for me and miserable for you.”
“I thought this was your idea in the first place,” I wasn’t going to be bullied by him. I wasn’t afraid when we were like this. “Bring it on.”
We were up so fast and I was chest down on the desk. Bent over me, cock still shoved all the way in, he whispered, “I am gonna take that phone off of mute, and when I do, you’re gonna say you’re going to the bathroom and I am gonna fuck those bratty words right out of your head. If you make one fucking sound I will make you cum. And if you make a sound when you do, I’ll do it again and again until you learn.”
My toes barely touched the floor. Harvey hit the button and nodded for me to speak. I waited a moment until there was a lull in the conversation. “Hey, I’ll be right back. Don’t rip on Harvey without me.”
“You got it, Claudia, I’ll save all his embarrassing college stories for the end.” I was going to get it for sure after that comment.
Harvey started a more than brutal pace. Thankfully I was adjusted to him so it wasn’t as bad, but with the force of his thrusts… gods help me. 
I bit down on my lip, fingers clenching the edge of the desk as he rammed into me. It was so hard to keep from crying out, to keep my knees from hitting the desk. 
“Harvey, I was wondering if there was anything I needed to do to get my patent’s turned over? Or if there is something extra I need to get to make them usable in California?” I knew Harvey spoke, but I didn’t understand. I was far too focused on him pulsing in and out and in and out of me to care. It felt so fucking good. With one particularly hard push of his hips, the whole desk shifted and I clamped a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. 
Then my hand was gone. His hand was big enough to wrap around both of my wrists and force them behind my back. 
God fucking dammit-
“Is Claudia back? I had a question for her,” Henry, the consultant, asked. Shit shit shit shit shit.
“Yeah she just walked back in,” Harvey said, dragging me back into his lap as he sat, fingers immediately playing with my exposed chest. 
“Hey, what did you want to ask?” Still ice cold. 
“I was just wondering what your thoughts were on the idea of handling a personal case for me. My lawyer just retired and obviously you seem more than qualified, even if you are a first year associate.”
I was genuinely shocked. “Oh, sure. I’ll get your number and email at the end and I’ll make sure to reach out about the details.”
“Sounds good,” he said, switching to ask Harvey something. A brush of his finger between my legs told me I did a good job. 
Soon enough, we were back on mute while Brian took a moment to get his kids settled for bed. Harvey was quick to start talking.
“Look at you, taking me so good. I wasn’t sure how well I’d fit but you’re just such a good girl, Claudia. I bet you love this, being split open while others are just one moan away from knowing what I’m doing to you.”
“I can’t take it much longer,” my voice was trembling. 
“You’re gonna take it as long as I say. We’re over halfway, my pretty little toy. You can stay seated on my dick for a little while, can’t you?” I nodded, my brains almost gone. “See, still such a desire to please me. I think you’ve earned a little reward, no?”
His fingers circled around my clit, sending waves of pleasure and hurt through my body. I let the noises built up in my chest slip through, trying to shift away from his touch when it became too much. 
“I will put you back on that desk and tie your hands behind your back if you don’t stop moving. Sit here, be still, and take my cock like you should. Do not make me tell you again.”
I shut my mouth quickly, occupying my hands in his hair. With one hand between my legs, the other on my throat, his lips trailed over my neck. I did my absolute best not to move, but it wasn’t easy. I writhed and whined and begged for him to let me reach my high. 
“You wanna cum on my cock? Is that what you want? Go on then, make a mess all over me.”
It wasn’t even pleasurable at this point. It hurt in the most amazing way possible, but I was to the point of numbness. He quickly hit the unmute button and I bit my lip so hard I knew it’d bruise. He drew lazy circles through my slick and I was on the verge of tears.
Guess he wasn’t kidding when he said he’d break me down and build me back up over and over again.
Harvey’s hand came and clamped over my mouth when I shuddered around him. His whole body tensed and clung to me, forcing me to still even though I wanted to fall onto the floor with the strength of my release. 
Stars danced the backs of my eyelids. My voice would be rubbed raw tomorrow for sure. I’d be more sore than I had ever been. 
My chest rose and fell quickly as I came down from my high, legs and arms tingling. I don’t think I made any noise, if I did, they’d surely know and we’d be in some deep shit. But when I looked at the phone, they were still carrying on with their conversation. 
“I’m thinking of having a company party. And Harvey I’d be thrilled if you could make it out, even bring Claudia if you want. I’m sure Henry would love to meet her, as would I,” Brian spoke.
“That sounds good, Brian,” Harvey’s voice was thick, very clearly too turned on for his own good. 
“I’d be honored to come out,” I said, voice wavering just a tad. “When are you thinking of having it?”
“Not until we get everything squared away on the legal side of things. Then I’ll worry about all that stuff,” he gave a big sigh. “Man there is a lot that comes with running a business.”
We all have a laugh, Harvey starting up my hips again. I didn’t even feel it, couldn’t rather. He was content using me to get off and I was content to let him. I stayed quiet, using my legs to push up and down, rock back and forth, anything I could think of to make him miserable. 
His fingers were locked onto my sides, thrusting up into my down strokes. The noise was minimal, but still sounded around us. Hopefully just us. 
I felt his teeth lock onto the back of my shoulder and yelped. 
“You alright, Claudia?” Brian asked. 
Yeah it’s just Harvey fucking bit me, I almost said. “Yup, just stabbed myself with my pen.” Nice cover, idiot. 
Harvey let up then, kissing over the indentations. His hips stuttered, and his breath was hot and fast on the back of my neck. I leaned forward and hit the mute button. 
“You close?” I got a grumbled string of pleas. “Come on Harvey, you know how much you’ve been waiting for this, don’t be shy now. I want it, sir-”
The words weren’t even out of my mouth before I was gagging on his fingers. I struggled to breathe, eyes watering with the force of it. He fucked up into me so hard I had to brace on the desk and the chair. A noise tore from his chest, so deep it sent goosebumps scattering across my body. His hips were flush with mine, his hands forcing my hips flat, taking taking taking all of him at once. 
“Say it again, Claudia,” he commanded. 
“S-Sir?” I hadn’t even realized I said it. Now or never, I guess.
“Fuck,” he swore. Harvey pulled me off his lap and stood, dragging me over to the window. Don’t look down don’t look down- “Want it, sweetheart? You want my cum, huh?”
“Yes sir,” my voice was barely there. I gasped when he lifted me into the air, pressing my back to the window. Holy shit I hope this fucking glass doesn’t break.
Harvey damn near made me see stars when his hand wrapped around my throat. Between that and his tongue on mine, his cock shoved all the way in, so deep it was painful, I was in the most glorious twilight state I’ve ever been. 
He had his way with me, brutal and erotic and of pure primal instinct. It was clear he didn’t give a shit about if he was hurting me or not. He wanted one thing. And I was gonna let him have it. 
The release caught us both off guard, nearly sending us both to the ground. I clawed up his back and his fingers tightened on my neck. His hips were flush with mine again, jerking in and out at random convulsions. His forehead was damp against my chest.
When he eased me down, my legs were shaking so bad I couldn’t stand. I tripped over my feet trying to sit down. Harvey was far steadier, handing me a bottle of water from a drawer in his desk. While I sipped, he tucked himself back into his pants, and we gave our final goodbyes and email exchanges to Brian’s team. 
It wasn’t until a few minutes after the call ended that we looked at each other. 
“You uhh… you alright?” He asked. 
I was a little stunned, did he just stutter? “Oh, yeah Harvey I’m fine. Are you?”
“Yeah yeah I’m good.”
“Good.”
Silence. I tapped my thumbs on the plastic bottle, combing my fingers through my hair. Our eyes met again and we both broke out into wild smiles. 
“So 'sir' really does it for you?”
“I wasn’t exactly expecting to hear you say that,” he looked mildly embarrassed. “It just- it’s a power move, for sure.”
“I’ll have to keep that in mind.” He shrugged, “I am far less forgiving when I am in that state of mine. I am not nice and don’t necessarily give a-”
“Harvey,” I stopped him, standing. I took his outstretched hand and let his hands land back on my hips. “If it was too much, I would’ve told you. And besides, I’ve been dying to see that side of you ever since you first mentioned it.”
“You have?”
I nodded, humming and nodding my head. “Just like you I have my secrets. One of those is my undying desire to please. I’d find a way to get it one way or another.”
His smile was devastating. He swooped down to pick me up in his arms and gently spun me around. “God Claudia you have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear someone say that.”
My heart clenched and my stomach dropped at the same time. I didn’t want to read too far into his words but how could I not when he said things like that and placed gentle kisses along my collar bone? 
We grabbed our belongings and headed for the elevator, it was well past eleven now and we both wanted to go home. Harvey insisted he drop me off, and I wasn’t in the position to say no. my feet were killing me, and so was pretty much every other inch of my body. 
The car was warm despite the bitter February wind. The city lights were as bright as ever as we raced down the street, just a couple of city blocks, to my apartment. 
It took every bit of my willpower to not ask him to stay over. That wasn’t part of the deal, I kept telling myself. He wasn’t obligated to comfort me afterwards. And I wasn’t obligated to do the same. 
“Have a good night, Claudia,” Harvey said, brushing his thumb across my cheek.
It was really fucking hard to not melt into him.
“Good night, Harvey.”
______
The next day I didn’t see Harvey at all. When I asked Donna where he was she said he had to take a trip upstate to see his family. I didn’t want to pry, it certainly wasn’t my business, and if he wanted to tell me he would. 
But I got concerned when I didn’t see him the rest of the week. Well, I saw him, just could never catch him at the right time. He stops by my cubicle for two seconds, dumps a stack of papers and says ‘have these organized and on my desk ready to go for tomorrow’, and then disappears. 
What in the hell was going on? “Donna, I really need to talk to Harvey,” I stood my ground. He was in his office, sitting at his desk, the desk that held more than a few intimate memories.
“Claudia, now is really not a good time,” she insisted. I rolled my eyes, huffing and turning away. I’ll catch him before he leaves.
I didn’t catch him before he left. Or when he showed up the next day, or the next. A goddamn week went by and I could barely get two words in. I was getting a little pissed off. And of course my mind had been running rampant with anxious thoughts: he got what he wanted, now he didn’t need you anymore; he was just using you to get the job done and he’ll move on to the next associate. And in big bold letters: Harvey fucking used you.
I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, pricking my nose and burning my throat. 
I can’t take this torture any longer. I need to find him. Now.
I marched right past Donna and into Harvey’s office. I did have our complete case file in hand as an excuse, but I wasn’t really planning on talking about the case. My brain was on fucking fire at this point, I didn’t know what I was going to say, if anything at all, or if I was just going to break down like a pathetic little girl who couldn’t take it.
“Claudia, now is really not a good-” “It never seems to be a good time, Harvey,” I cut him off, watching his mouth snap shut at my harsh tone. “I have been trying to get this to you for four days now, you gonna take the five minutes it takes to go over it or do I need to FedEx it to your apartment so you can get to it in two to three business days?”
His eyes were wide. He stood up from his desk and took the file, but set it on the table. 
“Harvey just take one fucking look at it-”
“I’m sorry,” he said, voice calm and steady.
“You’re sorry? For what, ignoring me the past week?”
“Claudia I wasn’t-”
“Are you sure because it seems like ever since after that conference call you’ve been actively avoiding me like a fucking disease. I-I-I don’t understand what I did, Harvey. Was I not good enough for you? Did I make too much noise or-or did I say something wrong when you dropped me off?”
“No, Claudia I have just been-” “Using me? Leveraging me to climb the corporate ladder?”
“How dare you accuse me of that bullshit,” Harvey bit out, a venom laced in his words. “I can’t believe this, after everything I’ve been trying to help you with, you’re gonna look me in the eyes and say I’m using you?”
“It sure seems like it to me because I can’t think of another goddamn reason why you would go through all that trouble just to practically ghost me.”
“I have been trying to tell you that I’m not avoiding you, but you cannot take down your alligator filled moat for two fucking seconds to let me explain what the hell I’ve been doing.” 
“What the fuck is going on in here?” Donna shouted over both of us. I snapped towards her, flushing a deep shade of red. 
“Nothing, Donna,” Harvey pressed his lips in a flat line. “We don’t need you to intervene-” “Well it sure as hell sounds like you do,” she came and stood at my side. “What’s going on?” “I was just trying to tell Claudia that I haven’t been avoiding her, that I have been busy being a goddamn name partner and trying to keep this firm above water. In fact, I’ve wanted nothing more than to just put everything else on pause and actually get to sit down for half an hour and discuss what we’re gonna do in court because I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, Claudia, but we are in some deep shit with this Gustoson case.”
“Which is why I have been doing everything in my power to hunt you down and give you that file.”
All eyes landed on it, it’s tan envelope. Harvey flipped it open and scanned the document.
He ripped it up and threw it in the trash. 
I stopped moving, I stopped breathing. 
“Are you out of your goddamn mind, Claudia?” 
“Harvey,” Donna was baffled at his tone. 
“You seriously want to file a motion to dismiss? In what way would that benefit us? Cause it seems like all you want to do is throw this case away and let Gustoson win.”
“No, I want to get their lawyer off the case so that way we can go after him, because he’s in on it and-” “We have no proof of that.” I wanted to rip out my fucking hair. “I was working on getting it.”
“Claudia, we don’t have time for you to just stumble upon evidence and hope it works,” Harvey let his hands slap against his thighs, eyebrows knitted together. “I needed an idea last night, and since you clearly can’t get the job done, maybe it’s you who should be thrown off the case because you clearly have no idea what the hell it is that you’re doing.”
There was nothing I could do to keep the tears from burning tracks in my skin. He promised… Harvey promised…
“Okay, let’s just take this down a few notches,” Donna stood between us.
“No,” Harvey shook his head. “Claudia, you’re going to learn real fast that just because you’re my associate, that doesn’t mean you get your ass kissed. I am not gonna sit here and baby you on every case. If you can’t come up with a different idea by the end of the day, I’m gonna put Griffin on this case and you’ll never get the chance to work with me ever again. I don’t lose, and I’m sure as hell not gonna risk that just because you don’t know how to do your goddamn job.”
All I could do was stare at him. Stare and stare and stare. 
My hands didn’t even shake. My breath didn’t pick up, and my tears didn’t fall. I was utterly tranquill, like a certain part of me was expecting this to happen, and here it was. Served to me on a silver platter. 
I hiccuped a sob. It hit me out of nowhere. I couldn’t do anything to control it. 
“You promised…” I wasn’t even sure I actually spoke the words, I may have just mouthed them, be he understood. I watched him snap out of his heated daze and take a jarring step back. But I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to give a fake apology.
His intentions, from the very beginning, were blindingly clear. Harvey didn’t want to work with me, he didn’t think I was a good lawyer, he just wanted to get in my pants. 
I was disgusted by him, my stomach churned and I knew I was going to vomit. 
“Claudia-” Harvey gasped, like had been punched in the stomach; I wished it was Donna who socked him.
“You’ve done enough,” she said, and placed her hands on my shoulders. She steered me out of his office and my vision blurred. 
I was one sorry son of a bitch to believe that Harvey actually gave a shit about me. Why would I ever fucking believe that? I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve known it from the start. A man like him does not fall for a woman like me, they only pretend to when they need something. 
“Claudia I am so sorry about-” “I wanna go home.”
She was quiet for a long moment. “I’ll tell Louis you had something come up.”
I just nodded, grabbing my purse and jacket, heading for the elevator. 
He promised… he promised… he promised…
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tragedytells-tales · 1 month
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Brooo I love your writing so much!! It’s literally so great😭 can you write the brothers (or just Lucifer and Satan if that’s too much) with a teen!mc (platonic obv) that is VERY gen z. Like if they’re able to have their phone while in Devildom then they would constantly be talking about stupid internet drama while using strange terms. They know the stuff they say is weird but that just encourages them to be even more unhinged and chaotic. I just thought it’d be funny :) thanks if you decide to do this!!
"I hear you loud and clear! My apologies for this taking so long, I was only able to come up with something for Lucifer and Satan."
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Lessons in cringe culture
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Notes - Teen!MC, Headcanons, Shitpost, comedy just pure comedy
Characters - Feat. Lucifer and Satan
Summary - MC has a few ideas on how to make these ten million years old demons more modern. Are they good ideas? Who knows and who cares
Warnings - Not proof read
TW - None
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Lucifer:
[ New word to vocabulary - Gyatt ]
- So MC teaches him gyatt. And not actually on purpose, but not on accident either. They had the thought of saying it out loud around him just to see if it would be a good enough substitute for "god" that they could say it without almost smiting the Avatar.
- They had the thought about a week ago and completely forgot about, but they couldn't just sit there silently when they got jumpscared by the newest update to celestialdrop Valley
"You can now drink mayonnaise."
- Either way he is scared of teenagers of MCs variety because he was sitting in pure silence, minding his whole business while MC did something on their phone, until suddenly they screamed from the top of their lungs
"GYATT DAMN?! LEVI YOU WON'T BEEEEELIVE THIS!"
- Not only did they startle him out of his old ten million years aged bones, and dared to swear in his presence, but then before running to show Levi whatever it was that sparked this outburst MC turned to him and asked
"Are you all good?"
"...Yes? Why would I not be?"
- They give him the most evil of smiles before leaving. The smile was so evil that it sent shivers down his spine, for a human it was a devilish little smile that he knew meant nothing but trouble.
- The things he'd give for a single one of his technically adopted family to be normal ( <-- He literally handpicked everyone in the house, and he's no better but he's also the oldest so )
- He asks MC about it later and gets a proper explanation, only thing is that now he can't ground them for the improper use of language because the use of "gyatt" was surprisingly clever and smart
- Damnit MC, stop getting the braincell!
- He genuinely starts using it in secret whenever he wants to say "goddamn", he dare not utter it around his brothers lest they start bullying him
- Jokes on him, he gets drunk and slips up in the group chat!
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Satan:
[ New phrase to vocabulary - It's my turn with the braincell! ]
- Speaking of. One would think that because he reads so many things and has so much knowledge and is technically the youngest of his brothers that he would know at least a bit of funky phrases
- He does. He knows Devildom phrases specifically. But he's also stupidly smart, smart stupid if you will, so he takes things MC sometimes says a tad to literal
- So imagine his surprise when they say "Hey, it's my turn with the braincell. I need it for algebra, hand it over!!!" While studying with their friends
- If you imagined very, very surprised then you are correct
- Aka: he's worried about the amount of concussions MC must've had for them to lost so many brain cells that they need to borrow and take turns with them from others
- He would've also questioned where and how they’re getting the brain cells they’re borrowing if he weren't so concerned in the first place
- He genuinely asks them what kind of brain cells are they missing to see how he can help
- They tell him "My brother in christ, I'm simply jesting about" and now he thinks MC is a sickly Victorian child with a lack of brain cells who got cursed
- Congratulations MC, you've tricked the smartest person in the house, but at what cost?
- The cost of him texting the group chat that MC has lost brain cells and needs to borrow some, that's what. All because they're too busy laughing to properly explain, and now Levi and Belphi are clowning on everyone else because they ALL fell for it too
- The price of living with beings who are over ten million years old is a steep one
- He steals the phrase and instantly starts telling his brothers to borrow brain cells btw, he's adapting
- He's been stealing phrases from MC for a while now, but this one is his favorite
- ( They taught him "fuck this thing, fuck that thing, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool-" last week, they’re not allowed to be friends anymore )
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AN - The idea of teaching Lucifer "gyatt" made my lungs hurt, but then the thought of Asmo learning "down bad", Beel learning "bussin", and Mammon learning "L + Ratio + you fell off + fatherless" also made me lose it. I just wasn't sure how to go about that. ( Also thanks for the compliment!!! I hold it ever so gently,,, )
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thefreakandthehair · 4 months
Text
⚾️ rounding third, sliding home: finale ⚾️
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chapters eleven and twelve now live: here on ao3 -> or, start from the beginning!
Excerpt:
The Dodgers are at bat now, and Eddie loses track of the first two batters. Neither end up on bases though, so that’s disappointing. Tommy Hagan hits next, making it to first base comfortably.  And then he hears it, the unmistakable reverberation of the guitar lead-in to Tom Petty’s I Won’t Back Down. Blood rushes to his head, all glee and overwhelm when Steve steps out of the dugout and the entire stadium cracks open. People scream, singing along and stomping their feet on the bleachers in such a way that it feels like the Earth itself is shaking.  Eddie’s world certainly is.  He’s only known Steve as the cute guy who needed a massage therapist, whose face scrunches up when he laughs from his belly, who falls asleep when you play with his hair, and who prefers his pasta just a touch underdone for more of a bite. Somehow, the Steve who’d held his hand the first time they had sex is the same Steve whose name and walk-up music sends a packed crowd into a frenzy.  And for some reason, reasons that become more and more unfathomable the longer the crowd celebrates, Steve wants him. Or at least, wanted him. He’s still unsure of what to expect but even if that happiness is now in the past tense, to have been loved at all by Steve Harrington is miracle enough.  “That’s your man, Munson! Cheer!” Robin reaches over Chrissy to smack him on the arm and he springs back to life. Your man is presumptuous but even if it’s one-sided, she’s not wrong.  He cheers so goddamn loud.
holy shit! I can't believe this is it! I can't believe these are the final chapters! it was originally meant to be just one final chapter, but then it ended up being 15k words so, yeah. two final chapters! thank you all so, so, much for following along with one. it's been a blast! and I'm definitely not thinking about writing a sequel or anything.
@steddiebang @hbyrde36 @steddieasitgoes @sidekick-hero @sharpbutsoft @cuoredimuschio @kkpwnall @starryeyedjanai @scarcrossdlvrs @marvel-ous-m @pearynice @judasofsuburbia @fastcardotmp3 @shares-a-vest @hellion-child @pumpkinspicestevie @delta-piscium @perseus-notjackson @withacapitalp @hereforanepilogue @stevethehairington @tboyeddie @theheadlessphilosopher @imfinereallyy @hexiewrites @maxineholtzmann @starrystevie @steddieas-shegoes @goodolefashionedloverboi @frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe @hellfiredemon @wynnyfryd @vecnuthy @sungods-healingg @antithetical-dream-girl @stevespookington
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royallyprincesslilly · 5 months
Text
Title: 3P {1}
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Title: 3P {1}
Lewis Hamilton x Famous Singer Reader x Aaron Pierre
Warning: Angst, 18+ Mature Content, Language,
Words: 2.6k
Summary: “Sharing is caring”, “The more the merrier”, “Love knows no bounds”. There are so many quotes that circulate that can be tied to love and relationships. Two of the many you like happens to be “Two is better than one” and “The more the merrier”. Now it wasn’t like you particularly and purposely went out your way to collect men. That wasn’t the case at all. It’s just that there were two gorgeous faces in the sea of bodies at Coachella that you couldn’t decide which you wanted more. So you decided why choose. That was 4 months ago and now everything was much more complicated than you’d ever intended.
Note: I am the hugest advocate of the “why choose” trope and "why choose" relationships when it comes to women having more than one man (of course while being responsible and transparent). So, we are gonna have our cake and eat it too y’all. Not sure how long this will be, but I’ll write it until it isn’t fun anymore. LOL.
Note II: Do y’all know what 3P means? Hehehehehe! I guess we should thank Ms. Brittany Spears.
As always, thank you guys for reading. I hope you enjoy this.
If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!
****NOT Edited/Proofread*** ***Slightly Interactive***
Chapter One: Break Down
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"I can't share you, Y/N. I--I can't--share you with him", Aaron said.
His voice was small as if he didn't even know if he truly meant the words. You picked up something else in his voice too--pain. Another thing you picked up was his refusal to look at you. But was it refusal or something else?
You sighed softly. It wasn't like you hadn't slightly prepared yourself for this. You had. You wanted to be realistic. The likelihood of both or even one of them being okay with what you were offering was always slim. You’d tried not to allow yourself to get comfortable enough where something like this knocked you out of kilter.
"I know it's not what you want to hear and it's not what you want but I can't. I won't."
Silence. He'd drawn the line in the sand. It was a bold line too. This was him saying that this was his hard limit and no matter how he felt about you he wouldn't cross this line. He was on one side while you were on the other. It had been shaping up to be a beautiful day. The sun was out, birds chirping, the flowers were out in full fragrance and the winds were gentle. It was a beautiful Paris day. Was.
"So that's it?"
Aaron didn't speak immediately. Instead, he kept his head down, elbows on the cafe table with one hand clasped inside the other, both making one large tense fist. You could see the tension in his shoulders and practically feel the discontent rolling off him. You were disappointed by his words, but you couldn't help but feel bad for him too.
"Look at me Aaron," you said softly.
He didn't.
"Come on--please."
He clenched his hands into a tighter fist which made the veins in his hands protrude even more. You tried hard not to imagine those strong hands around you holding you close to his body. You tried even harder to not reach for those hands. Hands you'd held tens of times, hands that had so gently caressed your face, possessively cupped your ass, and even protected you from encroaching paps.
So instead of doing any of that, you laced your fingers together so right not even a wisp of air could infiltrate them, then leaned forward with your elbows resting at the edge of the table so you were now in a mirroring posture to his.
"Aaron," you whispered.
His sudden jerk back took you off guard, as did the outburst that followed, "I can't Y/N! Goddamn it! It's taking everything in me right now to say this to you. If I look at you I know your eyes will make me second guess myself and I'll be right back where I started and that's being in love with a woman who isn't only mine. Sharing the only woman I've loved--truly loved."
His words hit you like a ton of bricks. He'd said them out loud. There was always an air of love surrounding him and his dealing with you. Whether it was gestures to show it, presents to highlight it, thoughtful deeds to insinuate it, or passionate kisses and frenzied body groping in the dark to cement it, but never words to confirm.
Neither of you had spoken them. Now that the words hung between you, you didn't know what to say or do. Did you reach over and pat him on the back? Somehow slip your hand into his Fort Knox-like clenched hands and give them a reassuring and sympathetic squeeze? Lean forward and give him a comforting hug?
You spent so much time trying to think of the right response or reaction that you missed the window to reply or react and unintentionally catapulted this entire meetup into the proverbial toilet.
"Do you have any idea what it feels like to see pictures of you with someone else? I can be scrolling through socials minding my business and bam a picture of you and him out together comes across my feed with so many comments on how good you look together. That shit sucks especially knowing you were with me maybe 2 nights ago looking just as good with me."
You lowered your eyes now, unable to hold his gaze. An emotion similar to shame washed over you and you hated it. What did you have to be ashamed about?
"Or how it feels to see you smile at him the way you smile at me? Or to sit and wonder what you are doing with him if you say the same things to him you have to me. If you let him touch you the way you let me touch you, if you're kissing on him too or something more? Do you know what it does to me when we talk and suddenly you tell me you have to go and in the back of my mind I know it's because of him? Have you ever thought of these things Y/N? Because that is all I think about. These last 4 months have been..."
Aaron released a hiss of breath as he shook his head for emphasis. Silence stretched again. Throughout his outburst, the feeling never left you and it even brought a tight knot in your throat. You swallowed for the 10th time trying to clear it but failing. Grabbing your glass, you finished the Prosecco that had been abandoned ever since he'd first spoken.
"I get it," you quietly said.
"You get it? After all of that?"
"I don’t know what you want me to say, I mean you--this whole time you--"
"I know," he interrupted.
He shook his head again then looked at you with the coldest eyes he'd ever laid on you. If looks could kill you might have been on life support right now.
A resentful smirk spread his face before he spoke again, "You did say love was messy, that it knows no mercy and only one can win never two."
Aaron scoffed then nodded. "Sometimes it lasts in love but most times it hurts instead. Ha! When you said that to me I found it so odd and cynical of you and I found that slightly cynical part of you endearing especially in this world full of blind optimism. I get it now."
You reached for his hands wanting to touch him...needing to. However, abruptly he cleared his throat loudly and then sat back in his chair somehow teleporting himself oceans away though he was still barely 6 feet from you leaving your hands now the ones in the center of the table without his.
"I wish nothing but the best for you, Y/N. You deserve everything good in this world and that includes happiness. Remember that."
He stood then walked away only to stop after a few steps and come back.
"One more thing. It doesn't have to be just 1 person winning in love, it can be 2."
You saw the pain in his eyes, the disappointment, and felt like he was pleading with you to see the truth in his words. With that, he walked away leaving you sitting there to watch his back get further and further away. As he walked away, you were surprised to feel the urge to run after him, surprised by your desire to make things right. However, once his frame disappeared in the Parisian crowd those feelings disappeared, as did the shame.
You weren't the bad guy here. You had no reason to feel ashamed. You had done all the right things. Digging into your Chanel purse for some cash, you slipped the bills under your empty glass and then walked in the opposite direction.
One of the many things your mother drilled into you and your siblings growing up was life kept going and it never slowed so while you were stopped and paused on one hiccup everyone else had gotten 10 steps ahead of you.
"Buck up buttercup," you said to yourself hearing your mother's voice rather than your own. It was something you were used to by now. You carried her voice everywhere.
The rest of your day went on as it always did, quickly. Work always was your favorite distraction and now was no different. As you sat in the creative meeting that was set up to start off the long stretch of shoots you had scheduled all for a concert you were putting on, your mind battled between focusing and drifting.
When the meeting closed and location scouting began, your group went from place to place scoping out the best places for shots and you made sure your voice was heard to be taken into consideration for the final locations. It was slightly hilarious because you had remained so quiet earlier. You hadn't spoken up to Aaron or even said half the things on your mind.
Thankfully, the hectic chaos of the day made it so you didn't really have any time for yourself to allow your thoughts to wander. You'd always preferred being busy though it made it difficult to have a real life but now you were thankful for it.
Your disappointment carried you through the day and though it wasn’t forefront for you, but during your silent moments, it all came fluttering back. When you scrolled through your phone his name was still the last contact you'd texted and that brought back memories of him.
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By the time you got back to your hotel, you were ready for a bottle of wine and a bubble bath filled with every one of your favorite essential oils. When you got safely behind your doors, you wasted no time doing just that. Not even 5 minutes after you sank into the piping hot water did your phone ring with a Facetime call.
Seeing Lewis' name on your screen made a wide smile spread across your face. At least things were okay there.
"Hey you," you said as soon as you tapped the accept button.
Lewis smiled but it didn't reach his eyes like it normally did. Those same eyes looked tired and something else that you couldn't place.
"Hey, gorgeous."
"Are you okay? You look bad."
"Ha. Thanks, love."
"No not like that. You know you are always fine as fine can be, but you look off tonight."
Lewis sighed then moved sending the camera into shaking chaos. When the movement stopped, he was sitting up, back against something that looked plush and metal and showing plenty of tattooed skin.
"Just getting to bed too?"
"Yeah. It's been a long day," Lewis said rubbing the back of his neck, his braids handing around his face.
"Same. Longer than it needed to be."
He nodded as he stared at you as if he had something to say but didn’t know if he should.
"What is it?"
"I didn't expect you to be as great as you are."
You snorted and laughed. "Oh yeah? Expected me to be a bitch on wheels?"
"Funny. Not that just--different. Everyone knows you and there have been so many stories of you that everyone has their own version of you in mind and the way I thought you were made it easy, no not easy, but sensible or bearable for things to be how they have been with you--and him."
Choosing what to focus on right now, you momentarily ignored the nugget of info that sounded awfully close to him admitting he thought you were some brainless tart who was after fun, drinking, and money. Ignoring that for another conversation, your stomach dropped for the 2nd time today and you knew what was coming. It was quite possible there would be no other conversation.
"Uh-huh."
"And now that I am so great and not a nightmare?"
Lewis remained quiet for several moments and you sat there staring at the screen waiting for him to continue.
"And now...now it's not sensible and sure as hell not bearable to think about you and another man."
"I wonder if this is how your harem feels?"
Don’t start the bullshit Y/N. You know it's been months since I had anything to do with any of them"
"It was just a hypothesized assumption. You most likely just voiced what they can't because they don’t want to fall out of favor or be replaced."
"This has nothing to do with them or any of that," Lewis countered.
"Then what does it have to do with? This is coming from left field and I'm feeling pretty blindsided."
"I saw you guys today."
"What?"
"At that cafe together. There are pictures all over Daily Mail of the two of you today. Pictures of the two of you together after we texted, after you told me you were having drinks with a friend."
You closed your eyes then dropped your head back onto the stylish padded rim of the modernly luxurious freestanding tub.
"Wanna talk about blindsided now?"
The dry sarcasm in his voice was evident, "Did you want me to say I was having drinks with Aaron instead?"
Lewis hissed first, then spoke, "Shit I don’t even know. I just know I felt blindsided today and it's not the first time."
"Everyone wants to act like I am this bad guy when you knew from the beginning."
"Wow. This isn't about who is the bad...you know what never mind. He can be cool with this and your antics but--I--I can't do this anymore."
You sighed as a plethora of emotions filled you, annoyance, disappointment, sadness, anger, and hurt but that was just the tip of the iceberg. Rather than allowing each of them to blossom across your features, you steeled your face instead. More of your mother's words filled your mind.
"Don't let them see that they have an effect."
"Ok. I understand,” you said, voice even and hopefully strong.
Lewis stared at you now with a confused expression and eyes so intense it felt as if he were staring into your soul. This man and his intrusive eyes, you thought to yourself.
"You understand?"
"Yep."
He scoffed, shook his head then rolled his eyes. "Of course you do. Good luck to you and him Y/N. You--." He sighed then dropped his eyes before looking back at you. "I wish things were different, I wish I felt differently about you and that your mother's voice wasn't so loud inside your head. I hope you find happiness."
With that, the video ended, and you were left sitting in water that was piping hot a few minutes ago but was now as frigid as Scotland in December. For the second time today you'd been dumped and for the second time today you were tempted to go after another man with hopes of changing his mind, this time by calling Lewis back, but again--you didn't.
You sat there quietly for several minutes letting it all sink in. Then a hysterical laugh started, it was a laugh that came from the depths of you, making your entire being shake as it filled the room. The thought that brought it on lingered in your head making you laugh longer and longer. Before you knew it, your cheeks were wet with tears, and you were winded.
"Everyone wants me to be happy because I deserve it, but no one wants to stick around and actually make me happy. How ironic. How absolutely... ridiculous."
It was all too loud right now, too loud, and too much. Slipping under the water, you allowed the world to slip away and your brain to quiet, but it didn't completely. One looping thought remained.
"Were you in fact, the bad guy?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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propertyofkylar · 4 months
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Whitney trying to cheer up a sad pc. He doesn’t know what to do at all, poor thing just wants to help.
He ends up taking them to his place and shows him the new plushies he got recently. He gushes about them, telling pc their names and stuff. Seeing him act so cute like that helps cheers them up.
Idk what I’m saying anymore
was craving to write whitney content and then i remembered i had this beautiful prompt waiting in my ask ty ty ty
With your eyes cast towards the ground and one hand clutching your backpack strap, you raced out of school, hoping no one would bother you and you could return to the orphanage in peace.
It was just one of those days. Often, your life had made you angry. Occasionally, it frustrated you. But today? Today, you were just goddamn sad about it all.
So, your plan was to rush home, take a long bath and lay in bed trying to imagine your life was good, or at least, somewhat better.
But a hand grabbing your wrist told you that wouldn't be happening.
"Leaving without saying goodbye, slut?" Ugh. Whitney. His behavior towards you had been confusing lately, to say the least, so he was precisely who you were trying to avoid.
"Yes," you said simply, tugging your arm out of his grasp. You didn't look at him for fear that the tears gathering in your eyes would begin to spill. You weren't even sure why you were about to start crying. It simply was how today was going for you.
Whitney dropped your arm and you spared a glance at his face. He was frowning, but he wasn't arguing with you. Instead, he gestured away from his friends and hesitantly, you followed.
"What is it?" He said, folding his arms across his chest. You were slightly taken aback.
"What do you mean?" You replied, knowing exactly what he meant.
"You know," he waved a hand vaguely in front of you. "You look all miserable and shit."
"Thanks for noticing," you choked out and quickly looked at the ground again. Fucking great. You were really about to cry in front him.
"Come on," Whitney said, taking your hand again, but much gentler this time. "You're coming with me."
"But I--" you hardly had time to react before he was pulling you along, not even bothering to say goodbye to his friends.
"I can't have my favorite slut looking all mopey," he said, but his tone betrayed his true feelings. He cared. "Then I look like a shit boyfriend."
You couldn't reply, so you just let him drag you along. Whitney looked to be deep in thought, and he kept looking back at you.
"What is it?" You finally asked.
"I don't like you being sad," he said, before quickly shaking his head. "Don't get the wrong idea, slut. It's not like that. It's just weird."
"...okay?" You replied, but he didn't say anything further.
Eventually, you ended up at Whitney's place, where he took you into his room. You sat on his bed hesitantly, not sure what was about to happen.
And as you quickly realized, Whitney didn't seem to have a plan himself. He stood there, looking at you uncomfortably, before he took a seat beside you. He put a hand on your shoulder and you couldn't hold back anymore. You started crying.
You cried into his shoulder and he awkwardly stroked your hair as you did. The entire time he didn't speak and neither did you. He just let you cry.
Eventually, you drew your head back, wiping at your eyes. "Thanks," you mumbled.
Whitney nodded and stood up, walking across the room to grab a small hedgehog plushie. "Here," he said, thrusting the toy towards you. "His name is Walter."
"Oh," you blinked away the lingering tears as you grabbed the stuffed animal. "Is he new?"
"Yeah," Whitney said, his cheeks tinged pink. "The toy store had a sale the other day, so..." he trailed off and shrugged.
The way he was acting brought a small smile to your face for the first time all day. "What else did you get?"
You thought you saw a small smile on his own face as Whitney turned away to show off his haul. He had gotten several new plushies, each a different animal with its own name and personality. You could feel your sadness evaporating as Whitney got more and more enthused.
"Thank you," you said suddenly, cutting Whitney's introduction of Gerald the otter off. Now, his face turned bright red, and he looked away from you.
"Whatever," he muttered. "Don't mention it, slut."
"I won't," you said with a grin, kissing him on his blushing cheek, which only made him blush harder.
"Fuck off. You owe me," Whitney said, but there was no malice in his voice as he rested his head atop yours.
You hummed happily at the feeling. "I know."
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stupidfuckingwindow · 6 months
Text
Captive // Driver
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Content/warnings: NSFW, premature ejaculation king Driver. Bondage, technically. Starts out normal, ends horny as all hell.
Notes: I'd meant to write this a while ago. Me n the Goosecord (namely @uncleclam from what I remember) talked briefly about this particular scenario a WHILE ago. Driver is fucking gorgeous, I could write about him for eternity.
Word count: 664
His apartment is cold as you enter it; Painfully barren in a way that reminds you of just who he is- Someone who's paranoid and prepared to pack his few things up and go at a moment's notice. Everything he owns can easily be slid into the trunk or backseat of his car, and you're sure he doesn't have any attachment or care for half of said things. It's all just objects that can be replaced for him, nothing that matters or can get him framed.
But he doesn't seem to mind the distance. It's perfectly convenient for him; makes things easier if he doesn't have to care. You don't even know if he has family (you doubt it, anyhow,) based on the way he doesn't keep any pictures that might allude to his past or who he is. Everything about him is either confusing or left unsaid, and there's plenty of room to assume.
For whatever reason, though, he likes you. Long late night drives are common between you and he, often spurred on when the two of you can't sleep. Driver sometimes comes to your apartment, whenever you're asleep. Just to watch you; make sure you're alright before he has to go do another job, when he won't be able to see you. Even after he's done with that, he'll come back to check on you for another hour before he leaves to do whatever else he does at night.
In ways, he's similar to that of a lonely street cat- coming and going as he pleases. He's distant whenever he doesn't trust a person, and similarly distant when he does. But the difference is how he carries himself when around whomever he's nearest to. You've noticed that he's still drawn in when it's just the two of you, but he lets you do whatever you want. He doesn't resist your touches, so long as there's no one else around. You see him pluck the toothpick from his lips whenever he's around you, sometimes pulls off his gloves or lets you wear his jacket.
It's the reason why you're in his apartment in the first place; Trust.
Little to no noise permeates his temporary home. Anything of note came from outside, having seeped through the windows. Things like rain and cars on the street bring a slight lonesome feel to the apartment, desolate and uncomfortably quiet after too long. But that's how most things in Driver's life tend to be; fleeting and something in passing.
You walk a little further inside, locking the door behind you. Your steps are light, slow- But not cautious. The scent of rain sticks to your skin, and your hair is slightly damp. It sticks to the sides of your face and your forehead. You don't see Driver, yet, but you know he's here; The door was unlocked.. And you'd left him here. You know exactly where the man is, but you want him to wait- To be anticipatory for whatever you'd do next to him.
He glowers up at you through his lashes as soon as you come in, blues glaring into your figure. Despite his expression, he's anything but angry at you. Frustration burns hot in his lower half, settling over his skin in a way that stings. He's been tied to this goddamn chair for two hours too many, erection standing tall and pretty against his stomach just for you, all while you'd gone off to fuck around and have fun with arrands. His jacket envelops his bare shoulders in a way that doesn't help at all with his burning sexual frustrations, and it's all he's wearing besides his gloves.
He'd already cum once, just from thinking about you finally getting back. The evidence of his orgasm has painted Driver's chest and abdomen white. His chin lifts, a little, to look you in the eyes when you draw closer. Wordlessly, he bites the soft inner skin of his cheek. Waiting for what you'll say.
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thesovereignsring-if · 6 months
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Honestly, maybe if you were forthright on how the story gonna be like, then the anon(s) wouldn't be so mad. There where a bunch of asks about whether the MC would be competent but instead of giving a straight answer you went about what this story is and isn't without actually answering the questions. Sometimes you make it seem the mC is only relevant because the other characters love the MC, and that's the only merit the MC has. And instead of confirming witch it is, you keep talking about power fantasy like wanting the mc to have qualities other than love interest/siblingtTM is wish fulfillment.
I've scrolled down the whole blog, and don'tknow wha
I know you're probably saying this kindly, but I'm probably going to answer slightly more emotionally than usual. Since you scrolled down the whole blog, you should have a seen idea the kinds of asks I've been answer to and why I might colour my words the way I have been.
But before I do that, I would politely ask you to never try to justify a certain anon's anger or behavior towards me by saying I should do this or that- I'm not here to placate people. I am here to write and produce a story and game. I don't care if people agree with what I say or not, and honestly I don't care if people get angry, but lashing out in anger in THIS fashion is completely unacceptable.
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I believe I have been forthright and I already give away more information about the story and plotline than I really should to temper audience expectations.
I zero in on the 'power fantasy' and 'wish fulfilment aspect' because because that's what, at the end of the day, what those anon(s) want. That's what a large majority of fiction sets out to be. Especially popular media. Wish fulfillment. And it's exactly what I say it is:
A power fantasy is wish fulfillment, empowerment and feelings of accomplishment, in all shapes and forms. It’s feeling you have worth, it’s feeling like you did something good or right. It feeling like your useful. It’s all the things that send the happy feelings to your brain. Being “competent” and “useful” can also falls into that category.
How can I not be more clear that the story is meant to be oppressive and disempowering etc?? That it's not going to be that?? I explain, justify with reasons within the MC background. I've already buildt up and fleshed out in the game why the MC is exactly way they are are the beginning of the game. AT THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME. But if larger thematic concepts are too broad, then I've already said the MC is the underdog. Do people know what that even is anymore? I feel like I'm losing my mind.
So I'll be clear on this once again. This story is not going to give you instant gratification, you might not get it all at. The whole narrative is meant to be bittersweet at best and painfully depressing at worse. That is in almost every aspect of the narrative, including the MC.
You're going be used. You're going to be lied to. You're be betrayed. You're gonna be humiliated. And sometimes, you're going to have to gritt your teeth and move on. The MC is going to have to do that. So does everyone else in this goddamn story.
I don't give concrete answer because it's clear what I deem is competent does not match what others deem competent. Because if I do, people are going to come back and be say "but you said this..., you said that..." No matter what I say or do, people have their own expectations and belief and it's probably not going to live up to those expectations because.
And that's too bad. I've already written enough in Chapter 1 that shows mages and soldier MC can defend themselves just fine. I've already written that the MC can have a fruitful future ahead of them with their conversation with the Empress. They aren't the best in their field- they can't. They're barely an adult when the story starts. Do you hear how crazy that sounds? Most of the cast the far is 5+ years older than the MC. They have wars and conflict to prove themselves. The MC has basically finished high school and can already land a pretty comfortable career in the Empire for the rest of their life already.
This story has magic and monsters and kings and queens, but write my characters with a more realistic foundation. A lot of popular narratives have MC that dominate the narrative and I've telling everyone again, that this is not going to happen. The MC is going to have fight tooth and nail, like everyone else. It's on equal grounds.
And I say that the MC is loved and is relevant for simply being alive and loved- its because they are. The whole narrative conflict of the game is a succession dispute with in the family, were all the current successors have equal claim to the throne- including the MC and their older brothers who love them. It doesn't matter if the MC is the strongest, most powerful, capable or if they're passive. This is a constant that cannot and will not change no matter what kind of MC people play.
Sorry, but I'm starting if i'm starting to loose my patience with you, Anon, cause it does seem like you sent this in good faith, but I am getting tired of trying to justify myself all the time, especially after dealing with a particularly obsessive individual, who would not accept any explanation I gave and instead called it 'bullshit plot armor', when it really is a different flavor of realism. So forgive me, if I stop being kind, polite or generous with my time for them. Furthermore, you didn't read the messages they sent to my inbox because I made the choice not make them public and delete them. I only have so much time in the day to write game and answer every ask in my inbox. I wish I could, but I cant. There's 45 messages in my inbox as I'm writing this, but I try to answer the ones I feel are relevant and time sensitive.
Now I've said my piece, I'm gonna go retreat into my writer's den. If people are upset with what I've written so far, then I implore them to go back to pinned post, read and decide for themselves if they're willing to come along for the ride. Because if you people come at me with the same questions, I will answer the same way. If you do not understand what I am saying, than perhaps you may need to see it at a different perspective.
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gabriel-xander · 6 months
Text
I Wish You Died Instead Ch. 5
[Scaramouce x Fem!Reader]
A/N: I started writing this before all of his lore came out/Before the last Sumeru Archon quest, so there will be a handful of inconsistency later on. My advice to you? Just go with it!
{Also on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad under Gabriel Xander}
Chapter 5: Played Like The Cheap Kazoo You Are
One thing you can appreciate about Scaramouche is his guts. That man has nerves of steel like you wouldn't believe. And in an act of mercy, you were allowed to look away during his massacre.
"Help me gather them up."
".................I don't want to-"
"-HUH!?"
"My Lord, with all due respect..." You grimace with judgement as he hauls the bloody boar over his shoulder with ease, "That's really fucking gross."
"Quit your bitching. I already did you the favor of not helping me kill these things," Scaramouche frowns, "I order you to help me carry these back to the camp."
You roll your eyes before grabbing the other dead boar by the legs, swinging it over your shoulder.
"It's a Goddamn miracle that I haven't beaten the shit out of you yet," The Harbinger comments while you whine about the blood.
You deadpan, "I must be blessed."
It was the next morning of staying with Isaac, Ivan, and Noah, the Treasure Hoarders that had been so kind to allow you and Scaramouche to stay with them.
Noah was a person of interest; he was one the Treasure Hoarder's that was responsible for your misfortune. He didn't seem to recognize you both as Fatui, hopefully it stays that way for a while longer. You two are hoping that bringing them food and furs would get them to trust you a little more.
You wince in pain and stop walking for a moment, breathing through your nose to calm your nerves. Your injury still hurts, you haven't gotten the opportunity to properly heal yourself yet.
"What's the matter with you?" Scaramouche turns around when he notices you stopped.
"Nothing, My Lord," You sigh, starting your walk once more, "Just wondering how we'll learn anything from Noah."
He frowns, "Any ideas?"
"I don't know, I thought... He showed, like... a fraction of interest in me, I thought I could use, like... my woman-ness on him?"
"...Your what??"
"My womanly charms! I don't know! Seduce him or whatever!"
"..." Scaramouche squints at you with disbelief, "You want to whore yourself out to get some intel?"
You scoff, "Well, when you say it like that-"
"-No, you're not doing that," Scaramouche protested, "Anyway, you can't do that even if you wanted to. I told him you were my girlfriend."
Oh, right.
You sigh, "And I thought I would be able to forget about it easily."
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
You shake your head, "Nothing, forget it. I don't really have any ideas, anyway."
You adjust your hold on the dead animal as you two walk in angry silence. Not a day goes by that you wish you were literally anywhere else but here. Hopefully Scaramouche had a plan, you honestly didn't know where to go from here.
"You might have to whore out." He says suddenly.
"Ah, so like a normal day then."
"......What?"
"I'm joking."
You were not.
"I liked it better when you didn't talk," The Balladeer huffs.
"Honestly, me too."
——
You and your superior had to stay another night with the Treasure Hoarders as the storm came back that evening. Luckily, you were all able to relocate to a small cave nearby before it got too bad. That also meant you did most of the heavy lifting as you're a strong, independent woman who don't need no man.
Scaramouche sat close by the fire to make sure it didn't die, and to try and eavesdrop on Isaac, Ivan, and Noah. You sat by the fire as well, but you were more focused on the letter you were writing to your best friend, Kazuki.
Which is fucking stupid, Nao!! It literally means Pants! The Tsaritsa is epic and all, don't get me wrong. But fucking Pantalone??? She couldn't give him a better title?? This has been bothering me forever and I need to say it if no one else will!!
With that said, yes. I DO want to wear a suit when we go see your sister in Sumeru soon. We should totally match, too. Maybe she'll think we're together and finally leave you alone about you being a lonely fuck.
Speaking of which, you know what Lord Scaramouche did?? The audacity of some bitches, I swear to the Gods-
"[Y/n]."
"Hm?" You lift your head, making eye contact with Scaramouche who was across from you, "Yes, Kuni?"
He scrunches his nose, "Kuni?"
You look around, finally noticing that it was just you and him. "Oh, damn. Where did they go?"
"Gods, you're such an airhead."
You smack your lips at his comment, "Did you need something, Kunikuzushi?"
He rolls his eyes, "They left so I can attend to your wound. Get over here so I can clean it."
You sigh, setting down your paper and pencil while making sure it won't suddenly fly into the fire. It would be too inconvenient to rewrite it all. You start removing your coat and shirt as you walk around the fire to sit by Scaramouche.
He works silently and efficiently. You've never seen this man bleed or bruise before, and his body is a little abnormally solid. You doubt he's ever taken an injury based on his seemingly perfect skin.
And yet... You've never once had a wound so gently attended to the way Scaramouche is doing now.
"What were you writing? A report?" He asks, confusing you as he hates small talk.
"Uh, a report on my feelings and emotions, yeah."
"You keep a diary?"
"Ew, no," You quickly reject the notion, "I'm writing to Kazuki. He works under Lord Ch-erm, Lord Tartaglia."
"You should keep your work life and personal life separate."
"You're the one who asked, sir."
"Whatever."
You had to bite your tongue as he cleaned your injury. The pain was bearable, but you were also a little bitch that likes to whine at any minor inconvenience. You hate the silence, and you wish you can at least hum to yourself, no matter if you're good at singing or not, but you know damn well that you already showed too much personality to this bitch ass man.
"Hey!!"
"The fuck?!"
You jerk around to glare at your boss with a flustered expression, "Can you not do that?!"
Scaramouche holds his hands up in confusion, "The hell are you talking about?!"
"You-When you just–" You mimic his previous action with your hands mid-air, moving your hands slowly in a similar silhouette of your own figure, "–The way you ran your hands up and down my sides! It-It was way too gentle!!"
By the look on his face, you can tell that even Scaramouche wasn't aware that he was doing it. He must've been lost in thought and did it subconsciously.
"I-I-"
"-Some people are ticklish, okay!!" You huff out in frustration, "Next time you do something like that, keep that in mind!"
"..."
"..."
You can practically see the cogs turn in his head. You raise an eyebrow.
That... is not what he thought you were upset about. Whether you were saving him from the embarrassment of being caught admiring how nice your skin is, or you genuinely thought he did it by accident, he didn't know.
And frankly? He didn't have the guts to find out the truth.
"Uh, okay. I'll–keep that in mind..."
You nod in satisfaction. You look down at your side, poking at the gauze taped over your wound.
"You're done, right? Thanks!"
You stand up and reach over to grab your shirt when the Universe decides it wants to mess with you just a little more. Isaac, Ivan, and Noah enter the tent laughing with each other, though they quiet down when they see you without your shirt and only your arm covering your titties.
You all stare at each other in silence, the three men becoming more red and flustered the longer they stare, and Scaramouche gains an unreadable expression. Your gaze flickers to him, trying to remind him that "hey, you're supposed to be my boyfriend, probably do something?"
Reading what you had in mind, finally the Balladeer catches on and stands up with a pissed off look.
"THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?! GET OUT!!"
"SORRY!!!"
———— Two Months Later ————
You slam the empty shot glass down on the counter, your gaze mindlessly wandering off to nothing in particular as you try desperately to forget the things you've seen today.
Scaramouche is not known for his patience, and out of all the Harbingers, he's definitely the least likable. But there's something you didn't think you'd ever take for granted, and that was his strange consideration for your feelings when it comes to-
"Cheer up, [L/n]. It wasn't that bad."
You roll your eyes and motion for the bartender to come over. "Easy for you to say. Some of us have morals and values, especially when it comes to human lives."
The bartender pours you your fourth shot of the night, you're finally beginning to feel a little tipsy from drinking straight Fire Water. You knock it back like a champ and semi-slam the glass back down.
"Ouch, is that judgment I hear?"
You look at your temporary comrade with a deadpan look, "What do you think, Soto?"
He laughs at your words, not feeling perturbed at all.
Amatista Soto, a man born and raised in Natlan only to somehow get involved with the Fatui. You don't know his story, other than the fact he has a Pyro vision and is most likely a fucking sociopath. You don't doubt that the only reason he joined the Fatui was so that he could kill people under the protection of the Fatui and the Tsaritsa.
His skin is medium brown with a beauty mark under his right eye. His very wavy hair was always tied back in a low ponytail, but that didn't make it look neater. He always wore an Iris flower behind his right ear, too. You have to admit that it brought out his vibrant eyes, the color of amethyst. That's probably how he was named, too.
You hated that he was attractive with a tall, large build. Made you hate him even more because how are you going to be a hot motherfucker who's so evil-
Under orders of Pierro, Scaramouche was sent somewhere unknown. You tried asking the Balladeer of his soon-to-be whereabouts, but all he did was shake his head in response. In the meantime, he ordered you to assist any other Harbinger so that your skill isn't wasted while you wait for him to come back.
——
"And... when WILL you be back, sir?" You had asked the day he left, accidentally showing concern.
Scaramouche sighed and shook his head, "I don't know. But... My advice is: don't wait for me. I could be gone for a VERY long time."
"Oh... O-Okay," You nodded, "Good luck, sir. And be careful."
He smirked, "You almost sound like someone who cares. Don't let me catch you getting soft again, [L/n]."
"Hmph! In your dreams."
——
After dealing with Noah and the other Treasure Hoarders (a memory you desperately are trying to forget due to how it ended), you started working under various Harbingers (minus Childe since he was still in Liyue).
Well, every Harbinger other than Dottore, though. You don't understand Scaramouche's resentment to the second Harbinger, but you don't question his demands as he is your superior.
Currently, you are working under the Knave, or at least, you think you are? You haven't been given direct orders from her yet, and the most you have done for her so far is fucking paper work.
"I'm going back to the Zapolyarny Palace," You sigh, pushing yourself off the stool, "Then I'm going to pass the fuck out."
"Have a good night!" "Bah."
———— Two Months Later ————
You wait patiently by the door for La Signora to be finished talking with Pantalone about some fundings, Il Dottore was with them, too. You were about to head off to Fontaine with Arlecchino, but she tells you there's a sudden change of plans, and that she was handing you off to the Fair Lady.
You were so lucky that your mask was hiding your deadpan expression. You asked her why you were suddenly being handed off to the 8th Harbinger, but Arlecchino just dismisses you with "she needs a new assistant since her last one died in Mondstadt."
...
HOW REASSURING!!
You were zoning out, a skill you learned in the Fatui so that you can be oblivious to the Harbinger's business. Unless it involves you directly, you don't want to know what their personal goals are.
You start to gnaw at your bottom lip. You are curious about this "Traveler" you keep hearing about, though. Apparently, La Signora has had an encounter with this blond haired person and their flying fairy while snatching the Gnosis from poor Barbatos. Barbatos... Barbie toes... Barbs... Barbara...
"Are you deaf?"
"Huh?"
You blink rapidly and look at who's talking to you.
La Signora, Pantalone, and Il Dottore were just staring at you now. Pantalone and the Doctor looked amused at your obliviousness. La Signora? Not so much.
"Oh, my apologies. I was lost in thought," You hold up the small stack of papers, "Here is the proper documentation on my temporary recruitment. I look forward to working with you, my Fair Lady."
"Hmph," The 8th Harbinger doesn't bother with the papers even though she requested them, "The Balladeer spoke highly of your abilities despite not having a Vision or a Delusion. So tell me, what exactly is it about you that is so praise worthy?"
"I was surprised as well to hear how high he puts you in regards. I never heard of a Harbinger having this much trust in anyone, even more so in a low ranking Fatui," Pantalone comments, "Then we hear from the Knave that you are quite competent, even in her standards?"
"It is hard not to be curious." Il Dottore adds.
"To be frank, I am just his secretary more than anything else. I take care of all his paperwork, I'm his messenger, I'm the commander of his Skirmishers, and I give orders to the lower ranks on his behalf." You shake your head, "Very seldomly would I go out on the front lines myself. I can probably count the amount of times I went into battle myself on both hands."
Which to the normal person, that is a lot. But for a Fatui? That's practically zero. And in all honesty, for anyone else, it'd be unacceptable.
Scaramouche is not known for his patience, and out of all the Harbingers, he's definitely the least likable. But there's something you didn't think you'd ever take for granted, and that was his strange consideration for your feelings when it comes to violence,
Never once had he actually forced you to hurt someone if you didn't want to, and he never made you kill anyone either. Anytime you had to hurt someone, it was self defense. And anytime you kill someone...
Well, you do your best to repress those memories.
Working for the other Harbinger's made you realize you took that silent consideration for granted. Since all these fuckers want from you is violence.
"I see. So it's safe to say you are what makes him look good from the shadows," Pantalone puts a hand to his chin.
"Not at all. Lord Scaramouche has done a lot more than I. Really, I only take care of the boring things." You redirect your attention to the woman, "If I may, my Fair Lady, can I know why you have requested my assistance so suddenly?"
"Simple really. I haven't gotten the chance to personally witness what makes you so great. It'd be a shame if you went off to Fontaine for who knows how long before I got the chance to use you."
Mmmm pues.
"I-I see. Well, I hope I can meet your expectations," You force a smile, "Is there anything else you need?"
"Yes, pack your things," La Signora smirks slyly, "We're going to Liyue."
....
SHIIIT.
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gay-jesus-probably · 1 month
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What was your 9/11 sona
God, I wish I remembered. Unfortunately, while the whole mess is absolutely hilarious in hindsight, back in the day I just thought it was incredibly tasteless and an insult to the people who actually lost loved ones that day (which it absolutely was!), so I was mortified to have to participate in it. But I didn't want to argue the point, cause with how subjective English is, getting on the teachers bad side will just obliterate your grade, and I'd always been in the high 90's for english so I wasn't about to break that streak over a stupid insensitive writing assignment. So I grit my teeth, wrote some shitty, generic OC, gave them a tasteless, non-offensive eulogy, then tore up the paper and threw it out the second I got the marked assignment back.
And that was about a decade ago now, so I can't remember any details about my tragically deceased 9/11sona - all I can really remember about grade 9 english is the 9/11 stuff, the teacher being really weird about demanding we say 'zed' instead of 'zee' because we're Canadian, and the look of absolute shock on her face when she informed me that I'd gotten a perfect 100% on the reading comp part of the PAT exam (still lowkey proud of that lmao). Moral of the story, don't throw out really embarrassing school writing assignments; they might be hilarious in hindsight.
...The real punchline of all this is that while I went to all that effort to avoid pissing off my teacher and tanking my marks in grade 9, in grade 10 I hit that exact problem literally before my first class had started. I had english in the second semester that year, and my older sibling had given me the book version of Les Miserables as a christmas gift that year, and I was still working on it when school started back up. So I made the terrible mistake of walking into english class about ten minutes early, cracked open my book to pass the time... and then after a few minutes of watching some punk teenager casually reading les mis, the teacher got up, asked me to step out into the hall, then led me into the classroom next door to introduce me to the AP english teacher, and inform him that I was probably better suited for his class. I had to hastily clarify that no the fuck I was not, I had three core classes that semester and a mixup with my one elective meant I was stuck in the goddamn grade 12 band class, so if I didn't have one class I didn't need to put effort into, I would die of stress. Grade 10 english teacher tried to pressure me into taking the AP class anyways, and after I kept refusing, she eventually was like "fine, you can stay in my class, but I'm going to grade you like you're an AP student the whole time."
And for the entire semester, she refused to mark any of my work higher than an 80%. Can you tell I'm still angry about that, because I'm still really fucking angry about it.
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bettsfic · 1 year
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How do you take care of your responsibilities and still make time to write? Any tips for a writer who likes to write all day if she can(even if it means putting things off)?
unfortunately this is one of the biggest problems in my life. left to my own devices, if i'm interested enough in a project, i can work on it for twelve straight hours, only stopping to begrudgingly eat and go to the bathroom, totally unaware of the passage of time.
to someone who doesn't understand what that's like, the answer might be "moderation!" or "take breaks :)" but that is far easier said than done. the fixated mind is fixed. everything has to move around it.
i recently met with an astrologist (i'm not big into astrology but i'm always looking for insight and new lenses through which to view the world). she was more than an astrologist, though--she did a whole report thing on me and we had a 2 hour chat that was very illuminating.
one of the things she told me was that i was a person of seasons, and that i existed perpetually in a marketplace of my mind.
what she meant is that seasons are bigger than you. you adapt to them; they don't adapt to you. when it's cold, you need a coat. when it's raining, you need an umbrella. and at the marketplace, seasonality affects the produce you buy, and therefore what you eat. seasons affect everything about your day to day life. we can't control them. we can only prepare for them.
what she said gave me permission for my life to revolve around my work and not the other way around. i used to see writing as something inside of me, but really i'm inside of it.
initially i found the idea of seasons counterintuitive: if i revolve around the work, what about things like exercising? her answer: find ways to exercise that serve the season. what about socializing? her answer: invite your friends to do things that serve the season.
i was hesitant, but i tried it. i'm still trying it. i've begun giving myself over to everything in a state of perpetual self-accommodation. my only job is to attend to the season. if writing is winter, when i'm snowed in and can't go out an do things, that means as soon as the weather breaks i have to haul ass to prepare for the next major storm. i use the time to reset my sleep schedule if i need to, cook food and freeze it, go to doctor's appointments, get my oil changed. things i can't really do when i'm neck deep in a project.
i'm still trying to figure out how to serve the season about some parts of life, but i've found that a chain reaction has begun that's slowly beginning to alter the way i manage myself. the first way of serving the season was the easiest: i stopped reading what i thought i should be reading, and started reading what i wanted to read, for as long as i wanted to read it. that means putting down books the second i get bored with them, rotating through a chapter or two of a dozen books instead of reading one all the way through. and i started seeking out books that i thought related best to the season. reading is something i struggle with because it's my job, and so picking out what to read for funsies can be tedious. but if i'm always focusing on what's going to help me most with whatever i'm working on, i'm always invested. right now i'm reading van gogh's biography which is informing what i hope to be my next novel. and it's a thousand goddamn pages so i've been reading it for 4 months (i read slowly and take a lot of notes).
with my head immersed in the long, agonizing tragedy of van gogh's life, i decided to leverage that to tackle something else i've always struggled with: exercise. i went on a walk one day and listened to a podcast. but i have an audio processing problem and moreover the talking in my head is always louder than people talking to me, and so worse than the physical toll exercise takes on my body, i find listening to things absolutely exhausting.
i couldn't find a podcast to serve the season in a way that would outweigh my listening fatigue, so i had a brilliant idea: read and walk at the same time. it looks a little weird, but that's the thing about self-accommodating: it gives you permission to be strange in public. i have a kindle, so it's not too onerous, and i live in near a walking track at a park that's very smooth so i don't have to worry about tripping. and my god, what a game changer. for the first time in my life i'm looking forward to going outside and doing things.
i only started trying to understand my seasons a few months ago, so i don't know all the ways to serve them yet, but these are the trials that have worked for me so far. i still have a long way to go.
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joels-golf-club · 9 months
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Hiii!!! I have a request
Can you write something with heavy angst at the beginning like maybe a fight? And at the end super super fluffy!!! Any Pedro characters!! (Preferably whiskey or pena)
Complicated
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A/n: Thanks for the request anon! I decided heavy angst meant HEAVY angst so here you go. It isn't exactly what you requested but this kinda popped into my head when I read your request and I really wanted to write it, I'm sorry. This is my first Javier Peña fic so pls have some grace <3!
Word Count: 3K
All my work is 18+, MDI!!!
Warnings: Swearing, typical Narcos violence, hurt/comfort, kidnapping, torture, real angsty, kinda fluff at the end jk I can't write fluff apparently, mentions of drinking and smoking, poorly translated Spanish (google translate 😃), no use of Y/n, attempted/talk of SA.
Your relationship with Javier Peña was complicated to say the least. You weren't officially together but there were two toothbrushes in his bathroom, there was a drawer full of your clothes in his dresser, and your coat was hanging by his front door.
He made breakfast for you most mornings and you'd kiss him goodbye when he left for work, but you weren't dating. You loved him but you've never said it to each other.
That was the worst part. You practically lived at his apartment and you feared for his life every single fucking day he went to work, but God forbid he put a damn label on whatever you were. So that's how the argument started.
"You don't need to risk your life every fucking day Javi! The world won't end if you just relax for one goddamn second!" Every single day Javi would come home black and blue. Today he came home with a fractured nose and bruises littering his body from a run in with one of Escobar sicarios.
"Why the fuck do you care? You're not my wife! You're not even my girlfriend! You're nothing to me!" The moment those words left his mouth he immediately backtracked. "Querida, I'm so sorry, I didn't me-"
But it was too late you were already walking to the door to grab your keys and pull on your shoes. "No, Javier. You're right. We aren't dating no reason I should give a damn about you. See you around." The door slammed behind you as you walked away and down the apartment complex to your car parked out front.
Your solution to the hurt radiating throughout you was to head to the nearest bar and get shit faced. Javier would've had your ass for going out and getting drunk alone in the crime capital of the world but who the hell was he to tell you what to do. Especially after what he said when you tried to show concern for him.
So here you were sitting alone at the bar, well past midnight, and probably three too many drinks deep. Getting home was the issue at hand now. Home. That should've been Javier's apartment filled with both of your belongings. The two of you should've been intertwined in bed right about now, connected in the most intimate way.
But instead you were drunk, alone, and extremely vulnerable. All because Javier fucking Peña couldn't find it in himself to commit to one person after over a year of almost dating.
As you made a move to walk out the bar and back towards the car you almost immediately stumbled just standing up, no way in hell were you driving across town to your apartment.
Walking wasn't an option either. There were already three men outside the bar looking at you in a way that was much more than just friendly.
There was only one person you could call no matter how much you wanted to avoid it.
He picked up on the third ring. "Hermosa? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean anything I said you know that right?" He immediately started spewing apologies the moment he answered the phone.
"Javier, I don't really care right now? I'm drunk, really drunk and there's these guys that aren't too far away from me and I can't drive."
"Where are you, Carino?" You gave him the address and you could hear him grab his keys and slam the door. "Stay where you are and stay on the phone ok? Do not hang up."
You nodded before remembering he couldn't see you. "Ok. " You kept an eye on the three men and couldn't help but notice they were closer than before, they had now crossed the road over to your side of the street. "Javi?"
"What is it? I'm 30 minutes away."
"Javi they're getting closer." You gasped when a flash of metal lit up in the dim streetlight. "Javi they have guns. What do I do? They have fucking guns Javi." You were panicking now and the men were only getting closer. Javier wouldn't be able to do shit in half an hour if the men decided to use their weapons.
"Lock your doors. Do not open the doors. Can you drive at all?"
You're gaze darted around and sent your head spinning. "No. Javi I can't drive! I'm so fucking stupid why would I get drunk right now? Javi what if they try to d-"
The sound of your voice over the phone was cut off by a scream and loud gunshots ringing through the line.
Javi gripped the wheel and pressed the pedal down to the floor while shouting your name. "Hey! What happened? Answer me please!" He called your name again before the line went dead. "Joder que hago? ¿Qué debo hacer? Fuck, what do I do? What do I do?"
With sweating palms and a racing pulse he called Murphy for backup.
After the men shattered your windows with bullets, they roughly yanked you out of your car, uncaring of any cuts or scrapes you got from all the broken glass, and shoved you through the doorway of the house across the street they had sat in front of earlier.
The entirety of the short walk there was spent with you fighting tooth and nail to get out of their grasp while the men felt you up through the tight dress you wore. Their dirty hands grabbed and pulled at every available inch of skin they could reach while you tried to kick and bite at their skin.
"Deja de pelear o te paso una bala por el cerebro! Stop fighting or I put a bullet through your brain!" The press of cold metal against your temple had you freezing where you stood before you were roughly shoved into a chair with the gun still pointed at your skull, keeping you still.
You tried to remember what Javi had told you to do if you were ever in one of these situations. "Do whatever they say, Hermosa. If they ask you what you know, you do not tell them anything. They will kill you the moment they don't need you anymore. Wait for the right moment if you can to fight." Right. Do what they say. Don't answer questions. You could do that.
The man with the gun came closer to you and caressed your face with the back of his hand causing you to jerk away as far as you could. The man's gaze narrowed and he backhanded you across the side of your face, sending you to the ground with your ears ringing. "Don't be a bitch. I'll have to teach you a lesson, then I'll let them have a turn with you, Hermosa." The pet name sent a fresh wave of sobs through your body at the memory of Javi calling you that only hours earlier and the man straddled your thrashing form then pulled out a knife from his jean pocket and cut away at what little remained of your torn dress and undergarments, leaving you entirely exposed to the three men while you fought beneath him.
"Stop! No, don't! Please stop!" You begged as tears flowed down your cheeks and you kicked uselessly a the man pinning you down.
"I told you to stop moving!" The man swung his fist down across your jaw, sending black dots flooding across your vision and make your ears ring once again. "Now hold still or this is gonna be so much worse for you." The man released his grip on your arms to reach for his belt, only for another man to send his boot into your ribs causing you to curl away and let out a wheezing cough.
Just as the man got his button and zipper undone and leaned over you once again you let out a scream and threw your throbbing head forward into the man's nose making a river a blood flow down his face. "You fucking bitch!" He sent his boot into your side again, making your curl up into a ball and gestured to his two men. "Tie her to the chair. Make sure she stays conscious, I want her to know what happened.
The man's words sent your eyes flying open and you immediately kicked and screamed at the hands that grabbed at your bruising arms. "No! Stop! Please, please I'm sorry! I'll do whatever you say, please!" Your screams and begging only brought a sadistic smile to the first man's face when we held up the knife he had earlier and brought the tip to your bare ribs.
He trailed the blade with just enough pressure to draw blood down to your exposed stomach and pressed the tip deeper into your skin and dragged the blade down, forcing a scream from your throat. He did this a few more times before he pulled the bloody knife away from your stomach and up to your cheeks to cut a deep line across both. He leaned forward to whisper in your ear while his hands roamed your bare body, "You look much prettier with that. Look at your pretty little stomach, Hermosa." He forced you to look down at where he had cut into your skin and your sobbed at the markings left there, AJS; the man had carved his fucking initials into your stomach.
Just as the man grabbed at your body again deafening gunshots rang out and the man's body slumped forward against your own while blood from his head and chest spilled across your skin. The two other men barely had enough time to raise their own weapons before more gunshots sounded and they slumped to the floor as well.
You looked down at the body in your bare lap and your tormentor's blank eyes stared back at you. You let out a scream and yanked at your bindings in an attempt to get away from the body, but you only managed to thrash enough to knock your chair backwards and fall to the side when you heard thundering footsteps rush into the room. You forced your eyes as closed as tight as they would go in an effort to ignore what you new was sitting right in front of you. Your body wouldn't stop shaking.
Suddenly hands were on your bare skin and you let out another piercing scream, unable to process the much more familiar grasp that pulled you upright and cut away the ropes on your wrists and ankles. "Shh, Hermosa, it's me. It's Javi." You were still shaking and sobbing when he pulled his jacket off to cover your exposed body and you still wouldn't open your eyes open from their sealed position. "Look at me, Hermosa, look at me."
You finally pealed your eyes open at his soft voice and saw the man kneeling in front of you. "Javi?"
He nodded and made sure your gaze stayed on him when he lifted you up out of the chair. "Yeah it's me, hermosa. You're okay now. you're safe."
At the sound of that name you flinched and new tears sprung to your eyes. "Please don't call me that anymore. H-he called me that."
Javi's jaw clenched and anger flared in his brown eyes but he nodded and continued walking you out of the house to where an ambulance sat outside the building. He set you down on the back of the open vehicle so the medics nearby could check you over but you gripped his hand as hard as you could the moment he let go of you.
"Please don't leave me alone, I can't be alone right now." Your hand shakes where it grips his and you can't help but stare at the cuts and bruises littering the skin there. It all seemed much more real now that you could see the marks on your skin. Your skin. The man had carved his fucking initials into your skin. You looked down and moved Javi's jacket away from your stomach to stare down at where your hip began. Blood covered the wound but you knew what was there. You lifted your hand to try and reveal the marks in a moment of morbid curiosity but-
"Querida, don't." Javi's voice pulled you from your thoughts. "I'll stay with you however long you need, but you can't touch it. Try not to look at it if that helps, alright? Estarás bien, te lo prometo. You'll be okay, I promise." You just nodded and Javi held your hands while the medic checked you over and cleaned and bandaged your wounds.
The medic informed you that you shouldn't be left alone for a few days and that you'd have to change your bandages twice a day, but you were cleared to go without having to go to the hospital.
"You'll be ok staying with me right, querida? You can't be alone and I don't want you out of my sights." You nodded silently to answer his question which only made him furrow his brows and concern took over his face, but he said nothing and just guided you over to his jeep.
The two of you drove in silence for about ten minutes before you spoke for the first time in well over an hour. "Javi?"
"Sí?"
You swallowed hard and stared down at your still shaking hands. Why won't they stop shaking? "I'm sorry for all this. If I didn't try to be so controlling with you earlier and if I didn't go and get drunk like a fucking idiot you wouldn't had to have dealt with me and-"
"Darling. Stop it. Stop thinking for one second that any of this is your fault. You aren't controlling, you care and I didn't know how to act because of it and that is no excuse for any of the absolute shit I said, by the way. And you aren't an idiot, you are the smartest person I know and you just did what anyone would do after a long day. The only people to blame are the hijos de puta that did this to you. So please, darling, for both our sakes don't blame yourself." He had just pulled up to your apartment when he stopped speaking and he parked before turning to face you.
Tears streamed down your face and the tight feeling in your chest was back from earlier and your fucking hands wouldn't stop shaking. "He marked me, Javi..." You whispered in between sobs as your shoulders shook. You looked up just to see Javi's face fall apart.
"He did what?" His voice came out a broken whisper full of pain for you.
"He marked me! He took a knife and carved his goddamn initials into my skin! He made sure it would scar so that I can't ever forget! What kind of sick fucking psycho does that shit?" Your sobs came faster and Javi hopped out of the car and ran to your door, pulling you into his arms.
"Baby, I'm so fucking sorry. I know that doesn't do shit, but you didn't deserve a single second of what you went through. You know that right?" You nodded and let him pull you out of the car as he ushered you upstairs to his apartment.
Once the door was closed and locked behind you two, you steeled yourself and forced away your tears before turning to face Javi again. You would not waste anymore tears on the fucker who did this to you, he didn't even deserve a thought. You wanted to set things right between you and Javi and if what happened today is what that takes, so be it."Javi. I love you, and I'm sick of your shit."
Shock filled the man's face across from you and he shook his head. This was the first time saying those words to him and the circumstance seemed less than ideal. "Querida what are you saying?"
"I love you so goddamn much and I know you love me and you just won't say it. I will not stick around if it's going to be more of the same as what it has been. You will either take me on a date when I'm over all this bullshit and make what we are official, or I'm getting my stuff and leaving." You stared Javi dead in the eyes and narrowed your gaze when his face split into a grin and he let out a short bark of laughter.
"There you are, baby."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Javi just grinned wider and shook his head before he wrapped you in his arms and pressed a kiss to your temple. You melted into his grasp but confusion still filled you.
"You've had this... this look on your face after everything like you're not quite here but you are now. That's great, baby. And just so we're clear, I will take you on a date the second you are feeling up to it. Then I will take you back here and you can officially move in after I spend hours making up for everything stupid thing I have done or said to you." His voice had taken on a slight seductive whisper at the end that sent a small shiver through you and you grinned as you wrapped your bruised arms around him.
"That sounds perfect, Javi. Now let go of me because I really need a fucking shower or I'm never going on that date with you." The reminder of the blood and grime still on you from the events of the night made you shudder and the mood changed instantly but Javi just nodded and squeezed your hand in reassurance as he walked with you towards the bathroom. He would be with you through everything and he would help you get through this.
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shsl-heck · 10 months
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So because I've seen it compared to Worm, I started reading The Boys by Garth Ennis. It's bad! Like really bad! It feels like what would happen if you let an edgy anti-feminist atheist youtuber from 2015 write a comic book. I finished the first volume of the omnibus in large part because it was a train wreck I couldn't look away from, and am debating starting the second since I hate myself. The most interesting parts are actually the little forewords. Through them I learned both that it was supposed to be a comedy, and also a critique of the military industrial complex/police (or at least that people read it as one). This was surprising to me since it is neither funny nor incisive. Anyway, now I want to ramble incoherently about my problems with it because this goddamn comic broke my brain.
Okay, so one of the most common ways it shows you which characters you aren't supposed to like is by having them do comically "gross" sex stuff. Notable examples include cocaine fueled orgies, mentions of shitting during sex, bestiality, masturbating in public to the sight of disabled people, and a little person using sex toys. One that shows up repeatedly in this context is characters being bisexual or gay. Now, I don't wanna get controversial, but I think any claims that your work is a critique of capitalism, police, the military, or whatever are rendered moot when your villains are a group of secret hedonistic sex-freaks. Like we can't pretend that doesn't sound a lot like regressives and their obsession with "degeneracy". Sexual assaults, misogyny, and slurs also appear pretty often, mostly as the punch line for jokes. Victims are rendered down into objects and denied any sense of interiority so we can instead focus on what really matters (gore porn, and middle school 4chan posters' sense of humor). Never once does Ennis deign to explore the actual impact and trauma of these things, or ask why he views these things as material for jokes.
That incuriosity is I think the real problem with The Boys. There is no actual coherent thought about why things are bad. Superheroes hurt people and are wrong because of their personal moral failings as selfish perverts, not because their whole job is to violently enforce the will of the state. It's like if someone agreed that all cops are bastards, but only because all cops just so happened to be "bad apples". The main characters literally work for the fucking CIA, and yes, I know the titular Boys are at best meant to be anti-heroes a la the Punisher. My issue here isn't that they're hypocrites who are frequently also horrible. It's that this premise for is absolute nonsense if you think for half a second. Superheroes do not function without the legitimacy granted to them by the state and it's monopoly on violence, so why would the CIA need these 5 randos with zero oversight working to take out the supers? Is the force Homelander and the others can bring to bear so great that even the apparatus of that state can't deal with them? If so, why does this group of assholes change that? Normally I'd be willing to give the story a lot more of a pass when it comes to questions like this, except I'm being told that this story has things to say about systemic problems involving the government and corporations! So I have to ask, where? Where is the commentary? What does it actually have to say about the state of the world circa 2006-2012? The only answer I can come up with is "not a whole lot". It's a story which dares to ask the tough questions like "what if the world was made of pudding" and then ignore answering those questions so it can instead recite Ellis' favorite slurs in alphabetical order while showing you a woman's tits.
On a lighter note, it's also just not very good. The plot (as mentioned) falls apart under any amount of scrutiny, pacing is bizarre in a bad way, the characters aren't compelling, themes remains stubbornly unexplored, and Ellis is allergic to doing anything interesting or creative with the premise he's decided to base a whole comic around. I genuinely do not know what people enjoy(ed) about this comic.
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genericpuff · 1 year
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remember how I said yesterday Rachel constantly sneaks into ULO/anti groups just to ruin her own day and then proceed to vague post/sub tweet/respond to the things people say to her?
I give to you, a baby putting herself in the corner.
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Never mind the fact that the ULO subreddit just put up a mod post yesterday telling people not to discuss Rachel's personal life.
Never mind the fact that the ULO Discord server just hosted a meeting LITERALLY TODAY reminding people of the rules and that speculating/assuming things about Rachel's personal life isn't allowed.
Never mind the fact that the ULO/anti communities typically keep to themselves and don't promote hate/criticism directly at Rachel outside of the circles they've made for themselves because it's, y'know, trashy and not a good thing to do.
Never mind the fact that Rachel literally writes her personal life INTO HER OWN GODDAMN COMIC.
Never mind the fact that people are tearing Rachel a new asshole and dropping her comic like a hot potato right now because she triggered a shitload of her own readers after not putting a VERY necessary trigger warning into an episode featuring EXTREME emotional abuse and that this is the SECOND TIME SHE'S FORGOTTEN A NECESSARY TRIGGER WARNING (she didn't include one back when the SA was first depicted, yes, you heard me right, she literally didn't put a TW for the assault episode and had to be educated on the fact that what she had just shown was, indeed, an assault and extremely triggering) and even after finally putting in a trigger warning hasn't addressed her mistake at ALL.
And finally, never mind the fact that all of these things she's getting into a tizzy over are things that are being discussed in criticism spaces that she knows aren't meant for her, but still she'll selectively sneak into time and time again to ruin her own damn day; she's been outright banned from communities in the past for her behavior and her attempts to wrestle control away from crit community admins so they can't say anything that isn't positive.
Rachel Smythe has been banned, from her own fan communities.
But she'll still try and sneak into them anyways. She'll still make her day worse by willingly sneaking into groups that weren't made for her and reading takes on her comic that she knows she won't like instead of minding her own business and working on her fucking comic. And then she'll take whatever she sees in those groups and take it as an opportunity to paint herself as a victim - literally within the same week of legitimately victimizing her own readers after not including a proper TW.
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It gives crazy Creepshow/Norman Boutin vibes but at the end of the day, there's nothing any of us can do about it besides point this shit out so others are aware. Keep calling it out, keep reminding people of her history of acting like a petulant child and attempting to hide it. It's her party, after all. She can go ahead and keep giving herself the ick.
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Getting back to drawing now. I know I said I wasn't gonna make any more LO rants but this one thing in particular really 𝓫𝓸𝓲𝓵𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝔂 𝓹𝓲𝓼𝓼 because it's just yet another thing in a very looooong history of behavior from Rachel that screams "YIKES" through hundreds of megaphones taped together.
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But honestly, this is almost definitely giving her the attention she wants and the "proof" she wants that we're all just a bunch of toxic assholes (/s), so I should stop even giving it any mind, it's just hard not to call it out when she's literally talking at the communities that she has no business being in. I can't let her bullshit live rent-free in my head, I have way more productive shit I could and should be doing.
So I guess, in closing, here's some helpful advice that you should really quit dishing and really start taking, Rachel - if you don't like it, don't read it.
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ladytauria · 9 months
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I need to know more about Neither a Bang Nor a Whimper!!!!
-@bi-bats (ughghghgh sideblog laws sorry for the anon)
So, njw's Where's My Goddamn Dinosaur? was one of the first Jaytim fics I ever read, & immediately left me wanting more time travel fics (which, time travel fix-its & the like were already a favorite genre of mine lol). I also read a lot of gen time travel & dimension travel, and. Anyway. That led to "Neither a Bang Nor a Whimper."
It's gone through a few different changes since I first started planning it / writing it. The first version had future!Tim being sent back in time, in his younger body, and I wrote the first two chapters that way. Then I decided I liked future!Tim being sent there as himself better, mostly because in addition to Jaytim I want to explore what Tim's interactions with his younger self might be like. I have also been considering a version where Jason and Tim are sent back to the past, together (for the same reasons as previous). I may make that an entirely separate fic, lol.
But! At least in the current draft, it's 17-year-old Tim sent back in time a few days before Jason died. The title is a reference to the catalyst of the time travel being the end of the world, similar to Where's My Goddamn Dinosaur--though not with the branching timelines~
It's also one of the first fics I started writing, and I've learned a lot more about canon vs fanon & my preferences re: those things since xD So what I do have needs some heavy rewrites, again :P
But have this snippet anyway~
The world as he knew it... is gone. The invasion saw to that. One by one, all of Tim's loved ones had dropped like flies—from the Teen Titans, to Batman himself, to Alfred. this was his only way forward, now—even if it meant, for all intents and purposes, going backward.
The only question is… when?
Six months ago, when this all started? He, and the rest of Earth's heroes, could stop it, especially with the data that Tim had collected over the last six months. That was the logical choice. Tim's life, as he knew it, would go on, exactly as it was before.
But...
Tim looks at the chronometer, turning it over in his hands, watching the light play on the silver. This is his one chance to go back. He should choose carefully. Weigh his choices, make the right one. the best one.
He has no idea exactly how it works. If he goes back to a time he exists, will there be two of him? Or will his consciousness replace his former self?
He doesn't know.
If its the latter, his choices narrow. He can't save Dick's parents—not from the body of a four year old. Tim bites his lip.
He flips the watch open.
If he’s being honest... there's always been one particular date he's been drawn to. One thing he wanted to change, more than anything else. Maybe it's selfish of him, to narrow down to that particular point—to ignore every other tragedy, every other pivotal moment in his life, in his family's lives.
But if you can't be selfish at the end of the world... when can you be?
So… with only a split second of hesitation, Tim keys in the date—and presses the button. There’s a soft chime, and then—
The world warps around him, bending and twisting, blurring together like some awful fevered haze.
And then the floor drops out beneath him, and he is falling, falling, falling—
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