#i am so close to being done w uni | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anadiasmount · 3 months

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can u make a small blurb of jude coming back to his and y/n’s apartment finding her passed out from studying so much. he wakes her up, sets up a bath for her, orders her food, and just takes care of her overall. 🙏🏼

okay bye… cause why is this actually me rn?? i’m so so so exhausted from uni and work i need to sleep for 2874828 days…🥲🤍

wc: 1.3k | masterlist | jude's masterlist

it was weird you hadn’t responded to any of jude’s calls or texts from the last hour. he found it strange you didn’t at least read or made contact since the morning when he last texted you. he had a full day of recovery and media shooting with the team and all he wanted was to be with you.

“hi baby… erm- it��s me… i’m starting to get worried that you’re not answering my calls, did i do something wrong? just please call me back when you get the chance, i miss you darling…” jude said into your voicemail once again, resisting the urge to freak out or overthink.

from jude:

are you okay?

y/n you're starting to worry me

call me back please

okay I'm headed to your place right now.

he sent you one last text before finally deciding it was just best to make sure everything was okay and go to your flat in person. he grabbed some of your favorite takeout and a book you’ve had on your list before finally heading over.

jude slowly knocked on your door with no answer, waiting impatiently and biting the inside of his cheek to hear a response but nothing was heard. he knocked again, calling out for you, and then wasted no time to slide the extra key you gave him into the slot, twisting it open rapidly and opening the door.

“y/n?”

he looked around and saw your office door open, setting the food and book down before sprinting to you. a full panic mode in him as his pulse raced at any scenario of you being left alone or something happening to you.

"y/n? are you okay?" jude asked carefully as he was faced with you slumped on the huge bean bag asleep. your hair in a messy bun, glasses almost falling down your face, ipad full with notes, a spreadsheet and planner open with your pencil on the floor, and a video lecture continuing to play as you slept soundly.

jude chuckled before crouching down and pressing kisses on your head, a small groan escaping your lips as you wiggled around in the bean bag. "y/n... wake up my love..." jude laughed as he felt you pull him closer to you, taking your glasses off and grabbing all your school stuff and setting it onto your desk.

"jude? w-ha-t what are you doing here?" you yawned squinting your eyes before rubbing them to get used to the lighting. "cmon up up up, stretch your muscles out, you were sleeping in an uncomfortable position baby," jude said as he helped you up. "no no," jude chuckled as you hugged him tight and almost made him lose balance.

"i missed you too," jude snuggled you closer, kissing your head repeatedly as you muffled your words. "how come you didn't tell me you were coming? i could've made something," you said with your eyes closed, snuggling into his neck as you breathed in his cologne.

"i did! i left you like five voicemails, and so many texts because you didn't return my calls," jude says still smiling at your sleep state. you gave him a confused look, detaching yourself and looking through your watch and seeing all the missed notifications from your boyfriend.

"oh my god! you did! i'm sorry jude, i didn't mean to make you worry handsome. i was studying for my test and i must've slept through all of them," you ran a hand along your face clearly upset and fatigued from the past exhausting few days. "i think i fell asleep right after our call this morning."

"if anything i'm glad you were sleeping and catching up on rest. all you've done this past week is uni and then study, study, study. you know how proud i am of you always for being dedicated to school, but you also know how much i hate seeing you overwork yourself," jude kissed your hands softly and then pecked your lips twice lovingly earning a hum from you.

"and before you say it, i know how hard the term is and how much you have to pay to every single detail, but right now i don't care. i'm going to run my beautiful girlfriend a bath, and after she's done her favorite takeout will be waiting for her, okay? how does that sounds?" jude said in a sincere voice making your heart melt with adoration and feeling grateful for him.

"that... actually sounds very nice..." you sighed out a breath of relief, following jude who was now in your restroom. jude touched the water to make sure it was hot to your liking, adding epson salt, some of your favorite scented oil, and a vanilla bean bath bomb.

jude helped undress, kissing every inch of your skin, and muttering praises how beautiful and proud of you he was, helping you get into the bubbly bath. "i'll be in the living room okay? going to order some food and those red velvet cookies you love so much," jude felt you squeeze his hand thanking him.

"thank you jude."

"just sit back and relax.”

“that was actually so nice…” you say drying your hair with a towel walking into the kitchen, feeling refreshed without worries of uni or work. you look around and gasp, seeing candles lit and a fresh bouquet of flowers sitting on your island. “what’s all this?” you ask jude who is leaned on the counter with his arms crossed.

“if it’s going to be a proper self-care night, we need candles lit, the house to smell like flowers and maybe this?” he pulls out a book from your wishlist. jude sees your eyes go wide full with excitement, “oh my god? how did you know i’ve been wanting this?” you try to each for it but he lifts it up in the air.

you squint your eyes at his teasing matter, “nuh uh. you made me think i had done something, and the last i want is to spend my night with my girlfriend dug into her deep book instead with me,” jude shakes his head seeing your frown. “to my defense, i was getting my well deserved sleep, no?”

“and you ignored my calls…”

“jude.”

“y/n.”

“fine you win,” you say rolling your eyes, placing the towel on the chair before leaning up and kissing him like a starved women. jude releasing a groan and slowly bringing his arm down to wrap around your waist, “can’t get enough of you y/n… especially when you smell so good.”

“let’s eat, cookies will be here before we finish eating. i’ve already set up the living room with warm blankets and your favorite soap opera,” jude says with a small smile, earning a squeal from you and clap of your hands. “you tried to deny about liking the show, saying you hated it, but what do we have here?” you tease as you sit down in the chair. “for someone who slept the whole day you sure are blabbering a lot,” jude scoffed playfully.

after eating dinner and finally being able to read at least the cover and back page of your new book, jude laid on top of you as you watched the tv, two uneaten cookies and your empty mugs on the coffee table. “are you feeling better?” he asks, looking up seeing you almost sound asleep. “mhmm, just feeling tired now…”

jude traced his hands on your are thighs, drawing small shapes and his name as you drift off to sleep to soothe you. his eyes grew heavy, but wanting to finish the episode to find out who the main character would end up with to tease you the next day. “don’t watch it without me. i see you falling asleep, so sleep,” you deadpanned slapping his shoulder gently and turning the tv off. “love you jude. goodnight.”

“goodnight beautiful.”

#jude bellingham #judey thoughts 5️⃣#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham blurb #football fanfic #footballer #football x reader

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formulinos · 1 year

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on the monday after jeddah, eurosport fr dropped an episode of their podcast "les fous du volant" and one of the topics was, obviously, her. Scuderia Ferrari.

normally i wouldn't pay as much attention as to italian/british media but given that we have a stronger french presence in Ferrari again, i think these reports shouldn't be completely ignored. so, i listened to it and i did some notes, in case you guys missed it.

so, from 27:31, they talk about how the current performance and expectations for the season are just the tip of the iceberg. i split it into general topics, stuff that is important to note is in bold:

gino rosato: his function was external relations (link up and host the VIPs + any other task that involved dealing with the world outside of maranello); joined Ferrari before jean todt but just as an occasional freelancer - todt made him a full time employer; montezemolo and kimi protected him. he left with kimi in 2009 and came back with him in 2014; main feeling is that his role was more politic than it seemed and he acted as a supervisor of both inner and outer Ferrari at times; vigna took the Scuderia by his own hands when he came in and rosato was let go; since his role was such an insider role, he is the main suspect for the yapping to the italian press; vasseur's arrival tackled the binotto clan and started to dismantle it; bonus joke about rosato moving to AM.

laurent mekies: he was being prepped to become binotto's successor with his career evolution; vasseur reworked his role inside Ferrari after the restructuring that happened last year; the two studied in the same uni; he had several proposals (f1, fia, alpine/hyvia) in december but vasseur vetoed his exit; vasseur is inquired (probably by the board of directors) on how and why he's taking these choices of breaking up the binotto clan;

david sanchez: sanchez wouldn't have been let go easily with only vasseur's demand, means elkann authorised the move and is behind fred; thus, when vasseur says he has a lot of freedom, he probably means it; it's a matter of recreating the team culture; sanchez's move possibly opens a precedent for later moves: enrico cardille (head of chassis area) is close to his end of contract, yet to see if he is going to be retained as well since he is part of the binotto clan and he was part of the sf23 design team; sanchez fired after discussion w/ charles at training is at the very least interesting (they lowkey imply it was the final nail in the coffin); discussion as to whether Ferrari considers this year finished and must be sacrificed to develop 2024 or not - usually upgrades are anticipated in february according to what engineers might feel the car will require in the upcoming races, but we're yet to see if with the 2023 car will be affected by role changes.

drivers: discussion on their approach to charles and how he felt he could have done more in jeddah if he was ahead of carlos; charles would have indeed inquired elkann on future plans for the team and the structure of Ferrari; they cite that his contract will end in 2024 and lots of teams might try to seduce him for 2025; sainz in an awkward role as no2 but not quite openly, also could rethink his future.

the most interesting thing is the link to gino rosato as the possible leaker (he truly is one of kimi's closest friends, and was in Ferrari for nearly 30 years if you add his two stints up, but then again we never expected stepney to do spygate innit). i saw a few other outlets also name jonathan giacobazzi (executive race manager, whatever the fuck that means) as another possible whistleblower (he was let go together with gino) but i heard of no such thing in this podcast, at least. we'll stay tuned. forza Ferrari!

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clubkira · 1 month

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hi everyone!!

sorry this is gonna be a VERY long post so if you’re not interested just scroll dw i’ll put everything under read more lol but i got this anon ask today and i wanted to address some of the points the anon was making in it.

this anon brought some things up i'd like to address bcs this does actually matter to me the things they’ve said and i want to try and clear any misconceptions up.

i know i don't really interact w much of my mutuals (again, that's on me) but i really don't mean to make myself seem self centered or like in a clique of some sorts (i feel like that's smth that's been going around lately?) and i really only talk to a few people online, which is who i interact with the most! if you see me interacting with the same few people on here, it’s most likely bcs i am close to them and talk to them outside of tumblr, i find it hard to talk to others bcs i’m just generally shy and when i first joined tumblr in the summer it seemed everyone already had an established friendgroup so i didn't feel like i fit in anywhere. for checking up on people, i do try but i'm not the best at comforting people, but i do see your point in that and i will try to reach out more to people when i see them struggling. i don't mean to just watch my mutuals go through hardships without saying anything but i worry that what i say will not sound genuine. this isn’t an excuse for me, ofc this is just my explanation

the constant attractions of jjk writers is really just a joke 😭😭 like i swear, i have never actually been serious or angry abt how many jjk mutuals i have LOL i just think its a funny pattern considering i don't really write for the fandom ykwim (i do see your point, but it's all just jokes) though i have some strifes w the jjk fandom which might be how this joke kind of got misconstrued? jjk fandom is just unfavourable imo but i don't actually hate any of my jjk mutuals!!

i'm a very impulsive and emotionally driven person so i do ++ i say things without thought bcs i'm just so in the moment i can't think 😭 and it leads me to wanting to deactivate like atleast every other week Imao. it's smth i've tried to hold back by just shutting up before i say smth i'll regret but also bcs i know that i'll probably be fine the next day and that i'm just being dramatic but yeah i have seen that i am guilty of it! i do acknowledge that of me and want to change.

if you're talking about the "not acknowledging others in conversation" specifically about servers since you mentioned we've been in a few, i also do see your point! normally i'm very shy in servers so i tend to just stick to writing channels where i dump all my wips, and i apologize that i haven't acknowledged the people who were in the channel before me! it's usually just one dump and then i exit out of discord, and also in just normal conversations like in general chat or etc sometimes i forget to reply to some people i’m talking to or i'm just more confortable talking to certain people in a server and i do apologize if i've ever done this to you. i don't mean to purposely ignore or make you think of me as self centered bcs of this.

think that was mostly everything i wanted to address, i really don't interact w my followers on here as much as i should / want to just bcs i'm usually on discord, inactive bcs of uni or i'm just so so late replying to asks 😭 i'm sorry to not only this anon but also any of my mutuals or followers if i've ever made you have a bad experience with me, i do apologize and it's not my intent to come across as self centered or unapproachable!

since you said this is a quality that some people are noticing, it does worry me that this behaviour of mine is to the point of where multiple people see me in this light and i do want to change that which is kind of why i’ve calmed down on this account and just queued up posts

this anon ask came from a different blog of mine (a blog i haven't announced yet cuz i was just semi-quietly posting there, it’s not a huge secret that it was me but i didn’t want yall to think i was moving or deactivating again 😭) but i wanted to post it here as well just to clear anything up!

i probably won't be on this acc for some time (no i'm not deactivating lol i just priv my works for now while i'm frolicking elsewhere while uni kicks my ass) and i won't delete this post or anything, bcs i don't want to hide from this. i do see your points anon and realize my own faults and i'm glad this was brought up, and i am in no way a victim so please don't treat me like one just bcs this anon brought these up LOL

anyways sorry for all of that! that was super long but i wanted to touch on all the points they had and if you have anymore questions i'll try and answer as best as i can but i’m also not gonna be on this account too much atm again so if i’m late to replying (like usual) i’m sorry </3 i do try to log in here once a day tho to check notifs so anything sent in i’ll probably see when i have time!

sorry for any typos in this too i’m writing this all at like 1 am😭😭😭

#( 𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐁 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄 )#i hope i’ve cleared some things and again i do acknowledge i am not entirely innocent in this #i will definitely take what you’ve said into account when it comed to my behaviour!#oh also!#if anyone wants my other acc btw you can ask for it ^_^ i was going to announce it at some point but i wanted to set it all up first LOL #and also it was a tokyo rev centered acc and i hadn’t posted any tr content on here so i wasnt sure if anyone would be interested 😭#am i suppoded to tag this as discourse??? idek anymore

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peanutblowandjobsandwich · 3 months

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anxiety really is so senseless. i was still in pain probably even more when i got to uni so i didnt go straight to the building w/ my class bc idont usually anyways n i wasnt sure if i was gonna skip class anyways. but i was feeling so ill even if i skipped i likely wldnt hv done anything productive so i went late. n the joy the new teacher wasnt there she was running late. so the regular old teacher had us discuss in pairs as he usually does n oh the person im most comfy speaking with was there so we discussed n like it was good on my part i mean not fluent but a lot better than my stumbling n blanking out and i had ideas and was able to respond to her and it was an actual convo. now while we are discussing in pairs the regular teacher joins each pair to discuss w/ them hear their ideas make corrections etc it's all chill. he was coming by our pair last. oh no longer joy like 20 mins b4 class ends n right as he wldve come by us the new teacher walks in. there were two remaining pairs he took the other set and left her with us. instantly i became closed in i cldnt look up started fidgeting cldnt speak cldnt think. my 'fluid' 'elaborate' responses from b4 became short and with pauses where i blanked. i felt so bad bc it was so obvi n i cldnt look at her at all. n it was like none of tht was intentional i felt so stupid god. and worse yet my pair was getting along with her so well so she ended up just mostly looking at her tho still adressing us as ustedes and i managed once to offer up a short not asked for comment tht was relevant to the discussion sigh. then she saw my socks bc yh i wear colourful socks n she said she liked them n i felt worse bc i cld just mumble thank you sigh. ugh. whatever im not going next week bc i wont be at uni so it's fine. it's just ugh like ppl are always like just speak just do this just do that. ANXIETY IS NOT THAT FUCKING EASY DIPSHIT! and it feels stupid being aware n feeling your body and brain go thru these changes suddenly and not be able to do anything about it like sigh. and it's literally just like she's new and i didnt expect tht so it caught me off guard last week and then she went on to embarrass me in front of everyone so like now there's def anxiety abt tht encounter. but it's still like i just need some time to get accustomed to her. after taking so long to get accustomed to the class with the old teacher yk. like yh hving a brain tht works differently than the situational norm is frustrating fr. and she's also the type of teacher tht makes me anxious bc she's very loud n expressive and jokey which is nice n all but that's not me with my flat affect n takes too long to understand the joke or not realize or react as expected when smth is directed at me in a light hearted jokey manner. which makes me feel worse n like i am notably putting a damper on the class even tho it's not intentional it's just who i am. it's not to say i dont appreciate the atmosphere i just cant participate in it sigh. whatever.

#cloud nonsense

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angelsofneonandgarbage · 2 months

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sorey for being a bit. scary on main. i just finished madk vol. 3 which is finally out in english and i was so excited for it but the ending is a near closed-loop cyclical ending which always really bothers me n puts me in a state in nihilistic anxiety/dissociation idk but also. it just makes me wanna feel things again. i wanna stop taking my meds. ive had the upped dose for a week ish now n its bringing back my paranoia which should settle in a week tops but it's bothering me bc it means i cant listen to tma bc that's creepy enough to set it off. sorry i swear my mental health has actually been better these last couple of days im slowly regaining mental functionality to an extent but i keep slipping and falling and i just. don't have the spoons to figure out every problem i have and address them enough to be functional again. like there's the attachment problems w my ex which keep coming back every time i feel like jm getting over them, the chronic exhaustion and general symptoms of pots, my meds fucking with me, general depression but also manic episodes, the fact im way over budget but my mum wants me to get her a 60 quid fountain pen for her birthday/mothers day and im not going to be there to see her around that time anyway sso i have even less of an excuse to cheap out. and ive been committedly lying abt my mental state to my parents to convince them im getting better than i was at xmas even tho im worse bc my mum will come up here and invade my uni life if she realises how bad i am doing

ah yeah i hate when fiction leads to like a major dissociative bit especially bc i love to use media as an escape when im floating out my body and then it goes and makes it worse and sets off a chain reaction of pent up shittiness? the absolute worst fr

not to sound like an overbearing parent but pls take ur meds !!!!! ik it sucks rn getting thru the adjustment phase but think of how things will change once u get used to them! u may not notice a crazy positive change right away but think of the small things. like u can listen to tma again once ur adapted to ur meds!! even if it’s something small that gets u thru daily tasks like that. u could take ur pills in the morning and be like “this is for u martin”

and oh god ex drama we both know that one well. idk if it would help but maybe if every time u have a like thought abt them that makes u feel any way that’s great just text me ur thoughts to try and get them out yk. like how i texted u like “the voices!!” when i was talking abt my ex like the other week pls feel free to do that back if u think it would help

and exhaustion and depression suck man i wish i had some like quippy little tip or smthn for u there but i’m suffering right there with u on those. and maybe just the thought that we’re going thru that together could help? holding ur hand thru the horrors <3

and oh man money problems r the worse omg. ik u said the pen is like 60 quid and mothers day is coming up so idk what ur like personal budget is looking like but me when i’m trying to make bigger purchases is i set aside a few bucks a day like just a few dollars $2 or $3 nothing that seems like a lot just a little snack or drink price but somthing that adds up a decent bit when done for a few days straight and u have like two ish weeks till then right? so u could make a decent dent with that plan

and hey i’m all for lying to parents but i think u shoukd consider the possibility that u may need to ask for help at one point even tho that’s so hard and ur mom will get all up in ur business but maybe it could help. or u could think of ur daily life like ur mom is there or nearby as a way to like watch urself and try to control what ur doing if that makes sense?

#hi sorry i hope this made sense and i hope u don’t find my response annoying i felt like i had to say more back than just augh man that #sucks im sorry so i hope some of this helps a little? if its not for u tho that’s 100% ok i hope u find things that help u soon <3 #also not sure if u wanted this private or not so i can totally change it if u don’t watch this public #.🫀

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kissproof · 2 years

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hiii sorry last one hehe! I haven’t graduated college yet (one year left w/ no clear goal) so perhaps could you write some headcanons on the dogs + eddie dating a college/uni reader? tysm again muahh<33

𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 ;)) !! 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦!! 𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 (& 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 <333)

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘨𝘴 (+ 𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘦) 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘶𝘯𝘪 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵

𝘞𝘈𝘙𝘕𝘐𝘕𝘎𝘚: 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘦

𝙋𝙄𝙉𝙆

sooo many debates for no reason

he’ll always have a counterpoint to whatever you’re supposed to be learning about

these debates actually help you study because you know your shit forward and backward by the time you’re ready to present or take a test

flaunting your good marks when you see him, shoving As in his face to prove you were right

as much as he loves to be right, he can't deny that he admires how smart you are more than he cares about being the one with the outstanding opinion

he'll never tell you that though

𝙒𝙃𝙄𝙏𝙀

gives the absolute best pep talks you’ve ever received

if you’re ever in a stressful part of your term or need a little extra encouragement before a final exam, whatever, he’s always there to give you some kind words

(and a lot of forehead kisses as well)

he also proofreads your papers before you submit because he wants them to be as effective as they can be

i can see him driving you to your favorite restaurant no matter what grade you got. if you didn’t do as well as you’d hoped: food, if you were super proud: food

it’s truly a win win and he is absolutely your biggest fan at your graduation, he decides he can die happily after watching you walk

𝙊𝙍𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙀

always stays up late to help you study

you’ll be reciting notecards and revising compositions until three, four am when the birds start chirping away

both of you end up falling asleep on your books with empty coffee mugs everywhere

orange dropping you off at your class!!!!

gives you the sweetest kisses (where he’s holding your face in both hands) before you leave, telling you to have a good day

he’ll always realize as he’s almost a block away that he still has one of your pencils tucked behind his ear or something else important you need and runs back to give it to you

𝘽𝙇𝙊𝙉𝘿𝙀

he isn’t as impactful to your college career, i feel he just lays in bed and smokes while you study at your desk

if anything he’s the decompressor (he's closed your textbook on you and told you to get your ass to bed many times)

whenever you’re ready to crawl into bed, he’s there with open arms ready to hold you

when a certain subject or class is troubling you, he’ll listen to you vent

picking you up after class holding coffees for the both of you <3

gets pissed because he can't smoke in any of the places he sits with you at on campus

𝘽𝙍𝙊𝙒𝙉

he’ll overanalyze anything you put in front of him so he’s great when you need to gather extra points about something

he opens your mind to such different ways of thinking that you could’ve never thought of on your own

and he doesn’t even realize how intelligent he is

but there’s so many occasions where he’s just rattling off, going on tangent after tangent until you gasp and kiss his cheek telling him he’s a genius

(we can’t give him too much credit you know he’s still a man but yes anyway)

he’s always super happy to help, even if he has absolutely no idea what he’s done right

𝙀𝘿𝘿𝙄𝙀

you can always go to eddie for financial advising

he’ll help you pay for whatever it is you might need

he also finds a way to get all of your textbooks for free in a less than legal fashion because he "knows a guy"

you ask no questions, that arrangement is just fine

brings you around joe so you can converse about all that you're studying

he's always very impressed by what you get yourself into which makes eddie real happy and proud

#reservoir dogs #quentin tarantino #x reader #tim roth #steve buscemi #michael madsen #harvey keitel #chris penn #reservoir dogs x reader #reservoir dogs headcanons #mr pink #mr white #mr blonde #mr orange #mr brown #answered #imaginesbymk

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writerartistdreamer · 7 months

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@whumptober @whumptober-archive

Title: Pesky Little Creature

Hello! I decided to write something a bit more light and funny today, after the fics about those two being in captivity or going through stuff. Just a light, fluffy, funny fic of these two adorable beings dealing with a rat in the Dark Castle, to get a few giggles out of you. I've been so busy with uni lately, but I am somehow staying afloat. You can also find this fic on AO3! Enjoy!

Posting day: 11

Prompt day 11: Animal Trap

Fandom: Once Upon a Time (TV)

Characters: Belle, Rumplestiltskin, rat

Summary: While Belle and Rumplestiltskin are having a conversation in the comfort of the Great Hall, a new little visitor decides to make its appearance- a rat. Tiny bit of chaos ensues

"Rumplestiltskin, what in the hell is that sound?", Belle asked all of a sudden while they were conversing in the Great Hall. A squeaking sound could indeed be heard in the room, yet it didn't seem to be anything of great importance. Still, the sound was coming closer and closer to their table and he noticed his little maid's eyes widen like saucers. A yelp left her lips and she climbed to the top of the mahogany table, frantically pointing to a spot relatively close to it. Another yelp left her lips as the creature moved, her face going pale. When the man's eyes found what terrified her so, giggles errupted from him, finding the situation rather ridiculous.

"A rat, dearie? Is that what makes your bravery waver so?", Rumplestiltskin asked with a playful smirk, arms crossed in front of his chest as he gazed up at her. She remained standing on the table, all the while trying to keep her distance from said rat, biting her lip. The rat moved to stand by the sorcerer's feet for a moment and he instantly stepped back, disgusted sneer on his face. The maid let a laugh as she witnessed everything from the table, noticing the irony of the situation.

"Is that disgust I see, Rumplestiltskin? I thought this to be a silly fear to have" Belle pointed out the irony, smirking victoriously down at him. She would have come down to point it right out to him had she not been so very scared of the grey creature below.

"Yes, well...not the most hygienic beings out there. I can't say they are very pleasing to the eyes, or the rest of the senses, dearie" Rumplestiltskin replied, clearly defeated both by her and by the rat near his feet. As he waved his hand, a rat trap made itself known, ready to take it down and give them some peace. The man came to sit down on the table as he awaited to see if it would take the bait, a piece of cheese, and would be caught in the trap. He silently patted the place next to her and Belle came to sit right next to him, crossing her legs as she didn't want them touching the floor, for fear of the rat somehow reaching her feet and climbing atop them.

So they waited next to one another, watching intently to see it finally get captured. Rumplestiltskin wanted to poof him away, but Belle insisted there was no need to use magic for small tasks that can be accomplished normally, so the compromise was poofing a trap. He noticed her biting her nails anxiously and offered her a cup of tea, refilling it with the brew she had brought out earlier. She accepted it, thanking him, and took a few sips as she waited for the rat to get caught. The two heard the sound of the trap closing in and looked over at one another, before the sorcerer climbed off the table to check if the trap had done its job. Somehow, the cheese was gone, the trap was closed, yet the rat was nowhere to be found. "No luck, dearie"

Belle sighed and remained seated, drinking the cup of tea in one go before pouring herself yet another one. The man smirked and poofed a tiny cage with a slab of cheese awaiting in the middle, then sat back down next to her. "What is a tiny cage going to do? The rat wasn't tricked by your trap initially", she reprimanded with a sigh and let her head lean on his shoulder.

"Well, dearie, any type of movement will be triggering that door right close. The slab of cheese is in the middle, which means the rat will have to walk right in if he wants to get it", he replied victoriously. For a moment, when he felt her touch, he froze solid, his eyes widening, before slowly but surely relaxing and allowing one of his arms to wrap around her middle and hold her by his side comfortably. As they sat together, relaxing in each other's presence, they heard the door of the tiny cage close.

She instantly shot up, looking at him with a hopeful smile before he moved his arm away from her. Rumplestiltskin slowly but surely stepped away from the table and in the direction of the cage and noticed the tailed little creature trapped between the bars, door closed successfuly. He picked the tiny cage up with a victorious smile and showed it to Belle, who let our a sigh of relief. "Finally!", she exclaimed happily.

"Pesky little creature", he spoke impishly, before heading towards the gates of the castle. The gates opened and Rumplestiltskin walked farther away from the steps, then crouched down and opened the cage to let the rat get out and run away from their home to never bother them again. He came back inside, closing the gates behind him with a flick of the wrist, and sat back down next to his little maid, who once again leaned her head against his shoulder, a small comfort she had taken to lately. His arm once again wrapped around her middle and so they rested on the table, able to return to their conversation.

"So, that realm you were telling me about..." Belle reminded him with a small smile and allowed his voice to carry her back to their content little world of stories and conversation.

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dokiyeom · 1 year

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THE TAG IS SO SO CUTE ILL END IT 💥💥 u should send me more asks & ill give u an emoji hihi 🫶🫶 IM EXCITED TOO YAY i have so many fic & smau ideas so im glad i can work on them then! (maybe i should tell u a few of them 🤭 ....)

that sounds so nice!! i think i recently ate sukiyaki (?) && it was so so good! baking and mahjong 💔💔💔 im glad u had so much fun because i also completely get what u mean?? i don't have any family here nor do i have any cousins/family members of my age + the distance is just 👎 so im not in contact with any yk

im still . flabbergasted like i want to go 2 japan too hello 😭 tbh at first i thought u lived in maybe japan or IDK but then u said u would show ur friends ur motherlands? so i was like ??? and also I WANNA KNOW UR TIMEZONE PLSPLS pleaseee yes im dutch & french but was born in the netherlands and lived there for 10ish years before moving to France!!

OK I WILL WATCH AN EPISODE SOON THEN!! pls this is so funny YES ik jay + me = twins hihi i hope so too!! that would be really cool but im just waiting impatiently for the official announcement rn so that i can mark it on my calendar, BOOM! ill also go to a big city just before my bday so maybe MAYBE if I have some pocket money i could buy myself a cute dress for the party and or an album teehee YA I HOPE U FIND IT IN JAPAN OMG im curious do u alr have some albums or like merch

i LOVE sudoku omg ,, it's so cool that ur using photoshop like u made ur carrd thingy with that right? it's so pretty i will never not say that. im sure ur gonna do v well hihi 🫶

i will !!! try to drop by ur ask box more frequently !!! unfortunately i’m,, a tiny bit awful at coming up w ideas on what to say but i will try !!!! and hello yes ??? u should 100% tell me abt ur smau ideas !!! or fic ideas in general && in return,, i’ll share some of my horribly messy notes app full of fic ideas w u <3

aagg i’m so happy u enjoyed sukiyaki !! if u get the chance,, i highly rec kansai style sukiyaki unless eating a bit of semi raw egg feels unnatural or intimidating !! i feel like i should b more loyal to kanto style bc i’m from the kanto area,, but kansai sukiyaki is just. wow. && aagg yea i feel u :(( i think it allows for u to b a lot closer a family friends bc they end up sorta being a proxy,, but it does kinda suck not being close or in contact w extended family <//3

i hope ur able to go someday !!! && my time zone is pacific standard time !! or pacific time atm bc of daylight savings,, but i did live in japan for a while &’& am considering moving back there after uni !! and woa hello u live in france ?? that is so cool omg,, i def want to visit france at some point for the fashion museums and exhibitions wraaaa :0 also fun fact,,, i took a plants/human welfare course last yr && the only thing i really rmbr from that was tulip’s apparently caused an economic recession in the netherlands during the early 1600s :D

EXCITED FOR U TO WATCH !! and omg what if the cb announcement is after woozis done posting all the album pics on his instagram :00 but oo what sort of dress would u get ? lw i’m so insanely picky w dresses that for prom i’ve just decided to get a lower costing plain dress && alter it + sew on an egregious amount of accessories

&& yes i have albums !! for merch i have a candy bong && moa bong that i got for the twice n txt concert i went to,, but unfortunately i stood in like for like an hr and a half at the svt concert mercy line only to reach sort of the front area && hear a staff member at the truck yell that carat bongs were completely sold out <//3 i do have. a pc binder that both brings me sm joy && shame for realizing how much money i’ve spent on. silly little pieces of paper w people taking silly little selfies tho. what abt u :0

RIGHT SUDOKU IS SO <3 but it’s also caused me like. sm headaches omg. and thank uu <3 i did make it on photoshop !! but i’m considering making a new one w more of a powerpuff girls/ diff take on a retro cyber theme :D

#aiyah aya !!#answered (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ #aya's lomls ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡#dori dearest ꒰๑´ᗜ`꒱*›◡‹꒱꒱

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awek-s-archived · 1 year

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the fact that the moment i get back from unprecedented tumblr breaks i worry about my favourite person not being here skdsokds once again: hello alex~ i hope you’ve been well the past couple (or is it a few?) months i did not have the pleasure to open this app and see your cute little posts! i will be starting uni soon (in around 3-4 months and mayhaps will be transferring later on in the year if i get into the other cooler uni) so i’ve been working on my portfolio for the while i wasn’t creating content :D i have like half a novel and an essay left (the short stories & poems have been dealt with!) and i am currently stuck on what topic to choose for the latter LOL it’s probably either one among 1. feminism vs women’s rights activism; 2. ethics & morality or 3. addiction and its relationship with social isolation… frankly thinking i might take one of the other options that talk about placebos since all of these are talked about a lot here but idk haha anyways! i really wish it gets done with earlier than predicted because i really want to get back to giffing and mindlessly scrolling on tumblr while reblogging nice creations ;;;; but that’s not possible since writing takes ages to perfect 😔 hope you have a wonderful day ahead of you though <3 - 🍃 bio anon

oh my goshhhh i missed u!!!! can't lie to u it's been close, nearly deleted a bunch of times but i decided to just vibe w all my friends/mutuals for the most part and not let things affect me so.. :3c

but wow i'm so proud of you!!! that sounds like soo much to write especially the essay (for some reason academia comes a little harder to creatives, speaking from experience) but i know you got this! i guess ethics and morality encompasses the other two topics well depending on what you end up focusing on and contextualising.

also i feel u!!! i actually just finished my dissertation a month back (and got a B! i'm so pleased) and i've been creating a lot less since before i submitted it bc i needed the writing to be perfect and even now i'm busy stressing about the application for phd </3 it never ends does it! JKLFDSJKLG

i'm sooo happy you've been doing well schoolwise, i hope your regular life is also ok!!! i miss u sooo much i love u

#🍃 bio anon #asks

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suggable · 3 years

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bro...i don't understand some of my friends i rlly don't...

#ive mentioned this before but a little context...i got a job offer from this prestigious landscape architecture firm #but i need to get there by car so im getting my driver's license #but it's a rlly good opportunity for me bc ive quite some experience in the field #so yeah they're basically waiting for me to be done to hire me #n now one of my close friends from uni (who knows abt this bc ive personally told them) just told me they have applied for that same job #n idk it doesn't sit right w me for a number of reasons #like idk maybe im being petty but they knew im v interested in this job #n they've already gotten offers at other positions they're actually very qualified for??#but they've chosen to apply to this specific one....despite not having their own car or the possibility to commute there #n like. idk. i feel betrayed bc they know how much i despise the idea of driving but im still making an effort to learn #they know how much more prepared i am for this position n how much i despide the other job offers that r out there #n in spite all of these....actually trying to go for it...knowing full well they wont get it bc they dont have their own car #idk maybe i shouldn't feel like this but im honestly quite shocked rn #n yeah ik its a difficult situation but putting before competitiveness over our friendship...idk im so disappointed :(((#anyways hope you're having a nice day!#negativity #personal #lau rambles

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angelprinz · 2 years

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hi laven ! sorry for the lsck of asks, college is so stressing for me,,, i had so much shit this week and the worst thing that couldve happened was my lighter and cigs running out and not being able to buy any.

anyways, so i was scrolling on twt (ykkk httpdaddy👀👀) and something popped up into my mind.

!!! corruption kink , mayb? and some hcs scaramouche, childe, diluc, zhongli and ayato r in this!!

y/n and genshin boys in a? doing a ? whatever, just - bukkake. if you dont know what a bukkake is, its like all the dudes cumming on ur face!! your mouth is open, and your eyes are ready to close - youve never done this, no, but you were still acting like such a slut. looking up at the men all right in front of you stroking their dicks so lovingly at the sight of you on the floor, looking so innocent yet so naughty with how you were clenching your thighs, and how your hand was so close to touching yourself. :((

when they finally cum, your face is absolutely covered in it. white paints your face and some even landed in your mouth. you greedily wanted a taste of it and licked it all up. your hair needed some washing now, though,,

i feel like diluc nd zhongli would b so nice,,calling you pretty petnames and moaning and groaning your name in such a needy way... i am a firm believer of switch zhongli and diluc !!! soft when dom and whiny and obedient when sub :(((

childe? totally in the middle of degrading your slutty, whorey face but also praising you and whining like a bitch. his cock is so big and his balls are so full of cum, and hes also so so pent up !! he wants his ass to be fucked too while he can also get his dick into something. but hes fine wit cumming on ur face !! he'll have something so pretty to look at while fucking <\33 hes the type thay goes " youre my slut, yeah?" "be a good little whore for me,, god u make me feel so good" yk yk

scaramouche and ayatoooooo... mean. so mean. very mean. INCREDIBLY mean. theyre so so so very mean with u :(( but u like it, dont you, little whore? you like it when he makes you seem like youre just- nothing, a simple toy, a plaything. they edge you, they insult you so much for writhing and begging to just have ur ass fucked already, they call you such distateful things and it almost makes u cry (it also turns u on. a lot).

phewww that felt so reliving? relieving?? whatever, nevermind that. so, tell me, what have you been up to laven,?? me? ive been just rlly busy with my studies <\\3 i dont even have time to fantasize ab my genshin boys. i hope youve been having an amazing week !!!

- with love, 🕊

uwahhh same dove, i‘be been super stressed abt studies and uni.. all i ever do is think abt diluc to deal with it. i quit smoking like a year ago? though sometimes i do wanna pick it up again and you know relax, but ugh moNey!! hopefully the upcoming week for us is manageable n filled w tons of delicious thirsts!

recently i’ve been digging thru twt for dark content videos and ugh, is it hard to find. but it’s so yummy when i do find it hehe~

the switch agenda in positions for all of the genshin boys ugh!! so true, they fuck ass and get fucked in the ass!! i similarly would love to see their faces dripping with cum, facials are just oh so cute! (my fav that i wanna see with a face painted in cum is venti, i just… ugh to see it clinging to his eyelashes and with his cute fucking face and teasing voice i can’t- he makes me so turned on.)

#laven_talks #🕊 anon <3 #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin x reader #childe smut #childe x reader #ayato smut #scaramouche smut #zhongli smut #diluc smut #diluc x reader #zhongli x reader #ayato x reader #scaramouche x reader

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bookstantrash · 3 years

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A/N: I am so very sorry for not updating for so long. I know I said I’d try to update more frequently while I was on uni break but life happened lmao. Classes are back, but I’ll try not left y’all hanging for so long.

You can check here Pemberley’s Lake, Hooked on You, Smells like petrichor and paper, The Sound of Music and A Midsummer Night’s Dream, part one, two, three, four and five of my Nessian Pride and Prejudice AU.

That being said, I hope y’all enjoy this chapter! We got a little bit of fluff, sprinkles of angst and a lovely plot twist ✨

Bloody Day and Ominous letters

Nesta woke up with the worst headache she had ever had in her entire life. She really should not have drunk as much as she had last night but as she saw her friends and Morrigan having fun that little voice inside her head — usually her mother’s or grandmother's saying Do better, Stop being such a disappointment or Your only purpose is to marry well so forget about love — got louder and louder, judging her company and trying to make her feel ashamed.

But she had had enough. Her grandmother and mother had both passed away already. It was time to bury them for good. So Nesta took the wine bottle from Morrigan and drank half of it in one go, her friends cheering around her. And she had so much fun. Nesta would never have guessed that drinking could be so enjoyable, nothing like those uptight parties where the ladies sipped a lonely glass all night long while the gentleman lost count of theirs. The only downside was her killing headache and the fact that she had overslept, a fact she took notice of once she glanced at the wall clock.

She had just sat up on her bed — massaging her temple to ease the tension on her head — when an insistent knocking on her door made her mumble a curse. No doubt it was either Emerie or Gwyn — maybe both of them — waking her up. Those two were quite used to drinking, so it was no surprise to Nesta that they would be up and about very early.

“Would you two stop it?” she said loudly, opening the door wearing only her chemise, probably having ditched her dress during the night while she slept “I have a killer headache and your banging is not helping at all—”

She stopped mid sentence when she came face to face with Georgianam, the young lady’s hand still raised to knock on her door, Cassian right behind her.

“Oh, I apologise Lady Nesta” Georgiana said “We had agreed that we would go on a nice early morning walk today, but when I did not spot Miss Archeron at the breakfast table I got worried.”

“Please do forgive me, Miss Georgiana. I had a bit too much to drink yesterday and ended up oversleeping.” Nesta quickly said, mentally kicking herself for her rudeness “I will be ready for our walk in a minute.”

“Lovely! I will be waiting at the parlor then!”

Nesta closed the door with a sigh. Her morning had not begun the best.

However, it was only while she was brushing her hair that her sleep fogged mind caught up to the fact that Cassian had seen her half asleep wearing nothing but her chemise and with early morning messy bed hair.

She definitely could not be allowed to drink more than two glasses of alcohol if that was how she was going to behave whenever she drank more than deemed proper.

When she arrived at the parlor ten minutes later, she could not help but avoid looking at Cassian.

“Mrs. Potts brought you a little something to eat” Georgiana informed, pouring Nesta tea “And also some headache medicine”

“Please thank her in my instead later, she is too kind to me”

“Oh, it was all my brother’s doing” Georgiana smiled in Cassian's direction, serving herself some cookies “He was the one who asked her to provide not only the medicine but also the food.”

“I appreciate the gesture, my lord.” Nesta hid her blush behind the teacup.

“It was nothing, my lady” was all he answered, refusing to look at her.

That made Nesta’s heart strangely hurt. She could not help but think he had been disgusted by her earlier appearance. Her hair was such a mess and her chemise was all wrinkled from sleep—

Wait. Why did she care so much of what he thought of her? Nesta Archeron was not one to give much attention to others opinion of herself, so why was she getting so worked up when it came to Cassian? Of course, one could not help but notice how he always looked so presentable, with his spotless clothes, hair combed to perfection every single time. She had never seen a gentleman’s hair be so… perfect. She could bet her first edition of her favourite romance that he had awfully handsome bed hair. And that he had a mint breath even when woke up. And that he probably slept shirtless, if the last time she saw him at midnight at his library was any indication of his sleeping attire.

Oh Mother, why was she now thinking about all of that? She waved an imaginary hand to disperse her not so proper thoughts, focusing on the small talk Georgiana was making.

Both Nesta and Cassian kept avoiding each other during their walk, which did not pass by Georgiana without notice, especially given how her brother had made sure to stay two steps behind them, giving the excuse he wanted to give both ladies “privacy to talk comfortably”, something he had never done. Their walk, however, was cut short when Nesta showed signs of being tired and admitted that her headache had not disappeared.

“I assure you it is nothing to fret over” Nesta told a worried Mrs. Potts when they came back “It must be from yesterday’s drinking. There is no need to call a doctor.”

“Nonetheless, I will ask Chef Ramsay to prepare some light food and my special hangover drink” the old headmaid said with a motherly expression.

Thanking Mrs. Potts again, Nesta went to her room to splash some water on her face in hopes of refreshing herself. But a painful jab low on her stomach made her freeze and the blood drain from her face.

~•~

“Just knock on the door, my Lord” Lumière said as he watched Cassian drop his hand once again. The maître d’ had been watching his lord pace in front of the parlor door for what must have been twenty minutes.

“I do not want to bother her. Maybe I should call Mrs. Potts or wait until the other ladies come back” Cassian ran his hand through his hair in distress. Emerie and Balthazar had gone out with Morrigan to visit some possible new business partners — her big circle of connections proving itself to be very useful in helping expand their business — while Azriel and Gwyn had gone to the town, which was helding a small music festival. Georgiana, on the other hand, had received a telegram from a friend who had returned early from their trip abroad, and she had promptly gone to meet them.

“This, dear brother, is your chance to speak to Miss Nesta” she had said before leaving “I do not know what happened to make you both so distant, but you better make amends. I already asked Emerie to design the gown I shall wear at your wedding.”

Cassian had told Georgie to mind her own business and stop being such a busybody, proceeding to stand guard outside the parlor.

“Leave the lord alone” Cogsworth hissed, elbowing Lumiére “Her ladyship has not asked for help so it must mean she is fine and does not wish to be bothered.”

“Nonsense, old friend!! The lady is simply too shy to ask for it and the lord too polite to risk disturbing her” taking a step forward, Lumière knocked on the door.

“What do you think you are doing?!” the major-domo whisper yelled, and Cassian was sure he would have throttled Lumière were it not for the faint voice coming from the other side.

“Please, do come in” Nesta said.

Taking a deep breath, Cassian opened the door, leaving behind Cogsworth and Lumière, who were trying very hard not to start a duel right there.

The first thing he looked for was Nesta.

Nesta, who was rather pale and was clutching a pillow very hard against her stomach.

“Are you alright?” he asked, not knowing whether to sit beside her or just stay standing a few feet away.

“I am” she said, although the deep breath she took had him thinking it was not true “Where are Gwyn and Emerie?”

“Gwyn went to the town festival with Azriel. An Emerie went with Mor and Balthazar to meet prospective business partners.”

“Are you really alright Nesta?” he asked again “You do not seem fine at all if I may say.”

“I assure you I am perfectly fine” Nesta insisted through clenched teeth “Where is Georgiana?”

“At a friend’s house. They returned early from a trip.” Cassian said, a bit annoyed she was asking for his sister when he was right there. It was a stupid jealous feeling, and he was not even more annoyed because he felt glad they got on so well.

“Do you know when any of them will be back?”

“I am afraid I do not know” daring to approach her, Cassian sat beside her on the sofa “But I am here. If there is anything I could do…”

“There is no need to bother yourself. I truly am—”

And that was when Nesta whimpered and clutched her pillow even tighter, doubling over a little bit.

“You are definitely far from fine sweetheart” Cassian said, rubbing her back in hopes of helping her, nevermind proper etiquette.

“It is really nothing. Just—”

“Just what?”

“Lady stuff!!” Nesta finally said, her whole face heating up like a fireplace.

“Oh. Oh! I see. I— I understand” he said, also a little bit flustered “Not that I actually get it but I have also experienced pain and—”

Nesta wished the ground would open up and swallow her. She was used to getting her period, it was a monthly occurrence. Nothing out of the ordinary. However, this time it seemed her body had decided to punish her more than usual. Not only had she gotten a killer headache — made worse by her hangover — but she was cramping very badly, and they usually were not that bad. That was why she had gone to that walk with Georgiana, even though she was getting mildly uncomfortable soon after they arrived at the garden.

Not that she did not want to miss any Cassian time.

Him going with them had been a bonus.

A surprise, but not a pleasant one.

Maybe just a bit pleasant if she was being honest. Just a tiny tiny bit.

“I will stop talking now” Cassian mumbled, interrupting not for the first time her errant thoughts.

She wanted to die. To tell Cassian — even indirectly — that she had gotten her period was the most mortifying she had ever experienced.

“I can get Mrs. Potts for you” he tentatively said, restarting the back rubs “She can get you some tea for pain. Or a bag of warm water. You can tell her anything, do not worry.”

Nesta managed to nod her head in agreement, despite her stubborn side that refused to ask for help from the maids or other servants at Pemberley.

Cassian himself went looking for the head maid instead of just ringing for her, assuring her he would be back in less than ten minutes. And he did come back in record time with Mrs. Potts, who gave her tea and pain tonic that she assured Nesta made wonders for stopping cramps. All the while Cassian hovered over Mrs. Potts, unsure of what to do.

“Do you require anything else? Maybe another blanket?” he asked after Mrs. Potts had left. He had made sure to bring back a blanket too and had even tucked her in with extra care “Or more tea? I can ask someone to come and bring fresh hot tea”

Nesta would never have imagined Cassian to be such an overbearing mother hen. He was being extra careful around her and it annoyed her beyond reason.

“Cassian, this happens every month. Has been happening since I was thirteen, alright? Can you please stop?” she snapped.

She regretted her words as soon as she realised how rude she had been and what exactly she had said. However, he was being so overweening. As if she was made of glass or was on her deathbed.

Yet all Cassian did was crack a smile and nudge a chocolate muffin towards her. Nesta had been in such pain and so quiet he had been concerned if Mrs. Potts’ pain tonic would really work. But there she was.

There was the feisty, sharp tongued and quick-witted Nesta he knew.

There was the Nesta he fell in love with.

He barely held his tongue back and risked blutering his feelings right in front of her. Again.

“May I get you a book then? It is a good way to pass the time until your friends are back.”

“Thank you. That would be lovely” Nesta gave him a soft smile, her previous embarrassment having died down a little.

He was gone and back in a record time, and Nesta delusioned herself into thinking he had raced to the library because he did not want to leave her for too long.

“I got the book you were not able to finish last night” Cassian said, handing her Sellyn Drake’s latest romance “And I also took the liberty of getting one of my favourites too. In case you finish this one quickly.”

She thanked him again, curious as to what book was his favourite, what made her even eager to finish her current read.

Turns out Cassian was a fan of epic poems, a fact that — combined with his admission of having read Sellyn Drake’s romances — once again made Nesta view him with new eyes. She had thought he would be more of a war strategy person, all business and serious matters. Yet it seemed that Cassian had a dreamer inside of him.

“How many times have you read this book?” Nesta asked as she turned a yellowed page. The book was old, but she could see it was very loved given its good condition.

“A lot of times. It was my favourite book as a child, and I could not part with it once I moved out of my childhood home” he gave her a smile “It was also my dear companion during long expeditions. I have most of it memorized.”

“I bet you charmed every single lady during your travels with your knowledge, wooing them with beautiful words” she teased, despite the small pang of jealousy in her heart.

You refused his hand and humiliated him, she thought, you have no place to feel jealous. Cassian is a wonderful gentleman, it is expected to have women falling left and right for him, not to say him pursuing them.

“You are actually the first person apart from my family who knows that I read poetry” Cassian admitted “And I also have never met someone that made me want to declare a poem to”

Nesta did not know what to say to that. They were bordering dangerous territory, something that seemed to happen more and more frequently.

And Cassian, seated right beside her, was thinking the same thing. He had allowed himself to get closer to him again, something that yesterday he had vowed to avoid, had tried to do that morning. But to see her in pain, uncomfortable and not talking to him hurt more than those moments in which he could see a life with her. Those moments with Nesta were a double edged sword: he craved and loathed them with the same urgency.

He would kill to have even a single moment with her.

He would die if he had even a single moment with her.

Nesta made him want to be selfish.

Made him want to declare poems to her, maybe even attempt to write her one.

At the moment, he could not help but recall a certain verse of the Epic of Gilgamesh:

What could I offer

the queen of love in return, who lacks nothing at all?

Balm for the body? The food and drink of the gods?

I have nothing to give to her who lacks nothing at all.

You are the door through which the cold gets in.

You are the fire that goes out. You are the pitch

that sticks to the hands of the one who carries the bucket.

You are the house that falls down. You are the shoe

that pinches the foot of the wearer. The ill-made wall

that buckles when time has gone by. The leaky

water skin soaking the water skin carrier.

To Cassian, Nesta was the goddess of love. And he was the one who could not offer her a single thing for she lacked nothing.

“Well, I will not disturb your reading any longer” clearing his throat to break the new tense silence between them, Cassian gestured to the book in her hand “But do feel free to make comments while you read, I would very much like to hear your opinions about it.”

And she did just that. Every passage she found interesting, each line that caught her eye and interpretation she had about a certain phrase, she shared them all with Cassian. Somewhere during their conversation that awkward tension between them disappeared completely, with Cassian letting his arm rest on the back of the couch, getting closer to Nesta. And Nesta somehow ended up getting closer to him too, almost leaning on his side.

It was all very improper. Cassian staying alone with Nesta, so close to each other and acting as a married couple.

But Cassian would let himself be selfish one last time.

One last time before they had to go their separate ways.

~•~

The day would have ended perfectly were it not for the letter that Gwyn brought once she and Azriel had come back.

While Emerie, Balthazar and Mor had arrived late in the evening — with good news of new partnerships being agreed on — Gwyn and Azriel had come back much later, just when everyone had finished dinner. Nesta had not been too worried, she trusted Azriel to take care of Gwyn and her friend was not bound by the stifling high society etiquette, but she breathed a little easier when they finally arrived.

“Oh Nesta, we passed by the inn we were staying at before and the landlady gave me a letter addressed to you. It seems she had forgotten to send it to us yesterday when our things were brought here.” Gwyn gave her the letter once they had moved to the game room “She apologised deeply for it.”

“I understand, it is a busy season for them.”

“It is a letter from Feyre” Nesta furrowed her brows in confusion as she broke the letter’ seal, which she recognized as being the one representing Feyre’ status as Duchess “She sent one barely a week ago, I wonder what could have happened.”

Nesta had guessed it would be another letter from Feyre asking about how their trip was going, if she had seen beautiful scenarios and bought any souvenir for her youngest sister. Or even a curious inquiry about what she thought of Cassian. Feyre had been quite interested to know if they got along — she had always been a busybody and matchmaker, and since marrying Rhysand had tried time and time again to nonchalantly push her to Cassin. If she ever discovered that Nesta had already been proposed by Cassian — and that she had refused his hand — chaos would befall upon Nesta.

However, as her eyes scanned the lines, Nesta’s assumptions of its contents proved to be far away from reality. She felt her blood run cold, her heart stop beating and fear. So much fear.

“Excuse me” she managed to say, getting up “I need a moment.”

“Nesta, are you alright? What did Feyre say? You are very pale” Gwyn said, her voice full of worry.

“I am fine. Just cramps” she brushed off her friend’s worries. She did not want to make the others notice that something was off with her, she did not want to alarm Gwyn..

Yet as she exited the room she failed to perceive that Cassian had been paying attention to her ever since Gwyn gave her the letter. He was always paying attention to his surroundings, especially when she was around.

He left the room a few moments after her, trying not to raise suspicion to his attitude. He did not know where she had gone — Pemberley was vast and her room was too far away for him to not have caught her faster — but something led him to the small outdoor patio just left from the small gallery he had at Pemberley.

As he got closer and closer there, he heard the sound of someone crying, which made his heart beat faster and a deep fear grow inside him.

He arrived outside to find an unimaginable scene: Nesta crying. Crying as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest.

She was a mess, her careful braided hair coming undone, as if she had ran her hands through it in desperation.

“Nesta… Nes dear, what happened? Is Feyre alright?” Cassian did not care that she most probably left the room to cry in private. He was worried, he needed to be beside her, he needed to help her somehow.

“I— Feyre she—” she was sobbing so hard she could barely breathe, let alone talk, making Cassian’s heart break in a thousand pieces.

“Shh it’s okay sweetheart. I am here Nes” he gently cupped her face, making her look at him “Take deep breaths with me.”

He took a deep breath, holding it in for three seconds before letting it go. He kept doing it until Nesta did the same, slowly calming down.

“Can you talk now? Do you want me to fetch you some water?” Cassian asked, tenderly brushing off her remaining tears.

“No, I— I can talk now” Nesta took another breath “Feyre is alright. It is Elain.”

“Elain? Is she sick? Talk to me Nes, help me understand”

Elain was the picture of the perfect lady in high society. With her numerous suitors, lovely and delicate behaviour — not to mention her singular beauty — it was hard to find someone who did not like her. Given that her hobbies — cooking and gardening — did not pose a threat to her health and well being, Cassian could not understand what would have made Nesta react so strongly. Perhaps Elain had fallen ill, something that rarely happened.

“No. She is not sick” Nesta shook her head “Cauldron, I almost wished she was sick.”

“Elain was…. Elain was kidnapped” she added, her eyes filling with tears again.

“Kidnapped? How?”

That made no sense, who would kidnap Elain? And why?

“She was going to visit Feyre. And when she didn't show up Rhysand went to search for her and—” Nesta started to cry, desperation filling her voice “They found her carriage turned over and hidden near the outskirts of the city. No sign of her at all.”

Cassian was speechless. He could only imagine how Feyre must be feeling after she got the news and hoped Rhysand was doing his everything to help find Elain.

“The coachman was killed and her lady in waiting was rushed to the hospital.” she cried even harder “This is all my fault. I should never have left her. We have no male relatives and Feyre is living too far from our childhood home. I was supposed to take care of her.”

“Nesta, it is not your fault. You could never have guessed something like this could happen.” he looked deep in her eyes, the blue in them even brighter because of her tears “Is there anything I could do to help?”

“I am afraid there isn’t, '' she whispered “I have to go back home. Try to hire an investigator, talk to Feyre and hope Elain is not disgraced by society rumors. Hope she is alive”

Cassian could only nod in agreement and wait for Nesta to recompose herself before they went back inside. Their friends were as horrified and worried about the situation as he and Nesta, and decided to go back right that moment. The staff noticed something was amiss and made sure to ready the carriage in record time.

“Thank you for welcoming you at your home” Nesta said, her complexion a bit better “I can assure you we all had a wonderful time here.”

“It was my pleasure. Have a safe travel and remember that Pemberey is open to you and your friends whenever you want to visit” Cassian helped Nesta get on her carriage one last time, letting go of her hand begrudgingly.

And as Nesta and her friends got farther and farther from Pemberley, as Nesta got farther and farther away from him and took his heart with her, Cassian felt a calm fury settle inside him.

He had some letters to write to some old friends.

•

Tag list: @sayosdreams @thewayshedreamed @sjm-things @perseusannabeth @arinbelle @caotica-e-quieta @vidalinav @swankii-art-teacher @ireallyshouldsleeprn @duskandstarlight @d0riansgray @thegoddessaltenia @dayanna-hatter @verypaleninja @awesomelena555 @courtofjurdan @valkyriewarriors @moe8 @illyrianwitchling13 @silvernesta @bri-loves-sunflowers @queenestarcheron @imwritingthesewords @vasudharaghavan @rainbowcheetah512 @darkshadowqueensrule @letstakethedawn @starlightorstarfire @city-of-fae @thalia-2-rose @nestaarcher0n @rowaelinismyotp @julemmaes @dontgetsalmonella @cardansgreenbriars @lysandra-tiara @inardour @hikari274 @fatimafares123 @angelina-figjam @castielspelvis @lanyjoy-13 @18moneytoad @booksstorm @terrible-and-proud @illyrianundercover @ladygabrielli1997 @loosingdreams @live-the-fangirl-life @moodymelanist

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#nessian #cassian x nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #pride and prejudice AU #sarah j maas #sjmaas #sjm books #sjm fanfic

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timextoxhajima · 3 years

Text

Not For Sale: Week 14

NOT FOR SALE CHAPTER NAVIGATION

Member: Heeseung + Jay [ft. Sunghoon and Jake]

Pairings: [fem] uni exchange student! reader x uni student! HS x uni student! Jay

Warnings: scenes in the hospital

Word Count: 3k

Synopsis/Quote: In which your oblivious ass cannot tell that a popular boy in your class has a big, fat crush on you | “It seems like the one who was ruined was me.”

Taglist: @hyunjaethereal @seasideheeseung @wooya1224 @gratefulmaria @sunshineshouchan @youreverydayzebra @fayqj @witheeseung @haechanhues @w-o-o-y-a-a @miingxuxi @reallysmolrenjun @hrrhmay-primaryblog @rosie112703 @ac-ewow @liliansun [drop me a dm/ask/comment to be added!]

You’re staring at the project document blankly, the pages filled with words and tables of the work you’ve done with Heeseung in the last few weeks or so. The weekend felt like three weeks, even when it was just three days - simply because you were in the hospital watching Jay flit in and out of consciousness and Heeseung’s still in a comatose state.

The seat next to you is empty and there is no other word to describe being alone on your last week of school than ‘sad’.

The Uber that picked Jay and Heeseung up had just been in school compounds and the police had found a rig in the brakes - the Uber had been stopped by another car driving straight into it.

Heeseung was on the side the car was rammed into. It’s a miracle he’s even still alive.

“y/n?”

The call jolts you out of your dissociation.

“Hey,” The professor walks up the stairs, and only now do you realise everybody else had left the lecture hall besides you. “I had the others hand up their projects but I saw you zoning out and I couldn’t do it.”

“Sorry,” Mumbling under your breath, you give the folder a quick flip-through before handing him the document. “Here.”

With pursed lips, he takes the folder and glances through it, skimming through the contents and pausing on the last page where you and Heeseung had signed off on.

“I’m sorry it happened.”

“I’m sorry the school had to go through so much to catch the idiot,” Through gritted teeth, you offer him a small wince.

“Well, yeah, that too,” The professor pulls up the lecture table from the seat next to you and sits himself in the plastic grove. “But it’s not important now. He’s going to be charged for God knows how many felonies, but I just- I wanted to know how you’re holding up.”

The concerned question thrums chills through you. Heeseung would’ve asked that. Jay would’ve too.

Jake and Sunghoon have probably tried, but you’re too busy crying or zoning out at the hospital to process anything else even if they did try.

“I’m fine,” You shake your head and stuff your iPad into your bag. “There’s nothing anybody can do to make him wake up faster.”

“I know that. It’s just... I don’t want a student ending her semester like this.”

The grumble of the zip as you close your bag is disgustingly loud in the empty lecture hall. You hug your bag, slowly looping your arm through one of the holes as you push the lecture table away.

“I’ll be fine. I’m leaving next week anyway and Heeseung’s not dead, so.”

The professor goes quiet upon the declaration.

“Thanks for the fun sem, Prof,” You give him a tiny, wretched smile that’s not genuine at all, lifting a leg over the backrest of the seat in front of you. “I’ll tell my dad to say hi to you every now and then.”

Finally on both your feet one row before him, he looks at you with sad, tired eyes.

“It’s been a pleasure having you and Heeseung as students, y/n. Do come back to visit when you come visit your father.”

A bare nod shakes your head.

“Bye prof.”

The ceiling looks the same. The light dangling from the beige, crusty roof looks dusty.

The room looks the same - except the fact that 80% of it were in boxes now. The clock hung on the wall has the loudest ticking you’ve ever heard - had it been this loud since the start?

Bzzzzt. Bzzzzzzzt. Bzzz-

“Hello.”

“Jesus Christ, how many times do you want me to call you before you’d pick up?”

Maybe until Heeseung wakes up.

“You know what? Don’t answer that.”

A pause.

“How are you holding up?”

“Great. I mean the sem’s over. I’ve handed up almost every project I need to submit.”

“Fuck you, you know I don’t mean that.”

“What am I supposed to tell you? I’m great, while I wait for my two friends to recover in the hospital? One of them’s not even awake.”

“I don’t want to be that person but no matter how much you cry or pray that he wakes up, it’s going to take time, okay? Let him rest and recuperate and he’ll spring back to life like he wasn’t just in an accident.”

“I shouldn’t have let them take the Uber.”

“For crying out loud, it is not your fault. You told them your dad was coming to get you and Jay didn’t want to cancel it for the fee. It’s a normal reaction. Who was supposed to know the Uber was rigged?”

You blink.

“Have you packed?”

You count the boxes in your room. “Mostly.”

“I’ll be at your place when you come home. We can bake cupcakes and cookies and you can tell me about the school there.”

Your ears are taking in her words but your eyes are on the paper bag on your desk. It’s the tumbler that Jay got you.

“Hello? You there?”

“Byeol, what if they don’t wake up before I leave? I have 8 days.”

“Have some faith in them, would you? Jay’s already awake right? He’s just flitting in and out of consciousness and Heeseung... They haven’t said he’s in critical condition, right?”

“But he’s been in the ER and it’s been three days.”

“Sis, I could sleep for three days. He’ll be awake before you leave.”

“Hope so.”

“Not going to the hospital?”

“Nah,” You roll over onto your side and stare at yourself in the mirror on your wardrobe doors. “Their friends are swarming the wards. It’s fine, Jake and Hoon got me onto the special visitors’ list.”

“There’s a special visitors’ list?”

“It’s Jay and it’s an expensive hospital with classier management. So yeah, pretty much.”

“That’s nice.”

Silence - except the occasional crackling of the static on the phone.

“They’ll do fine, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I have to go now. I’ll call you tonight or tomorrow, I’ll text you?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye bye.”

The car ride with your father is quiet, the gentle music from the stereo playing and you’re thinking about how your mother is back at home. She is a busy woman back home too so you hadn’t really had the time to call or text her.

For the first time in a long time, your father knows more about your life than she does.

“I know you’re probably not in the mood to answer this but...” The car slows at a red light. “Have you started packing?”

You don’t turn. The trees outside are swaying gently in the light breeze on this sunny day. It reminds you of the day Heeseung brought you out to the beach for your picnic.

“I’m about 80% done. The stuff left’s like my laptop and iPad and daily appliances.”

“That’s good,” You see him nod in the window’s reflection and glance at you. “Well, I’ll come by and hand you the documents for credit transfer later this week and I’ll send you to the bus terminal next Wednesday too, yeah?”

“Mhm,” Humming to yourself, the refracted red light turns green. “Sure.”

The car starts again. “Hun, I... I just wanted you to know that I know this sem has been difficult for you. I’m- I’m sorry that I suggested you come. Had I known that there was going to be a lunatic running on the loose, I would’ve stopped you from coming.”

“You wouldn’t have known,” You mumble, but still loud enough for him to hear. “It’s fine, it’s over.”

“And with what happened with Jay and Heeseung... I’m sorry. I really am.”

“They would’ve gotten caught up in this crazy shitfest with the psycho anyway, regardless of my presence,” Finally turning to look at your father, he side-eyes you while keeping his hands on the steering wheel. “It’s not anybody’s fault except that psycho’s that this happened.”

Your father remains quiet, unable to respond. The car drives into the sheltered drop-off point at the hospital and he watches you unbuckle the seat belt to let yourself out the car.

“Hey.”

You sling your bag over your shoulder and rest a hand on the car door.

“They’ll be okay.”

A weak smile pulls your lips up your cheeks.

“I hope so.”

By the time you’ve reached the floor where the wads were, you’ve run into a good number of their friends. Of course, there were one or two bad apples among the bunch, but most of them knew you were on a special visitors’ list and that’s why you came so late.

It never gets easier though, the look on their faces when you know they want to tell you that they’ll be okay, but promises should not be made if they cannot be kept.

Walking into Jay’s ward, you see his mother helping to sponge his face while Jake and Sunghoon speak to a friend on the other side of the bed.

You catch the room’s attention when you pull the plastic bag out from your bag and let the door shut behind you, Jay’s mother looking up and offering you a tired smile.

“Oh, hey,” Jake grins and beckons you over.

“Hi Mrs Park,” You gesture to Jake to wait before holding out the plastic bag to Jay’s mother. “It’s a box of tonic for you and Mr Park. Thought of getting fruits but I don’t think Jay can have them yet.”

“Gosh, you really didn’t have to,” She shakes her head and sets the cloth down by the bed. “Thank you. Are you sure you’re okay, coming to visit so often? You’re here everyday, aren’t you?”

You return her a tight, pursed smile. “Yeah, but it’s fine. I’m leaving to go home next week so I don’t have much time left to spend with them. I don’t mind.”

“Oh, honey,” She stands and takes the box from you, turning to set it down on the table behind her before returning you her attention. “I... I don’t know what to say. This must be all a lot for you.”

You break the eye contact first, knowing that you were probably going to cry if you hadn’t stopped looking at her.

“No, it’s fine,” You raise a palm and rub her upper arm. “All I want is to have a decent conversation with Jay before I leave, and I’ll be more than satisfied.”

“Oh!” She exclaims, nose crunching into a threatened crying mess. She holds her arms open and coerces you into her arms, patting the back of your head. “Of course. Of course, Jay will be fine by the time you need to go home. I promise.”

“I really do hope so,” You pull away first and smile weakly at her.

“By the way, Mr and Mrs Lee are with Heeseung in the ward next door,” She sniffles, anxiously rubbing her palms together.

“Oh, right- Do they know I’m on the-”

“Yes, of course they do, sweet heart,” She quickly rubs your arm to comfort you, then slides her hands down to yours to keep them in her palms. “Their parents are the sweetest couple ever and they’d be so grateful that Heeseung has a friend like you. How about I have Jake or Sunghoon bring you over to meet them?”

“Oh,” You watch as she waves to get one of the boys’ attention, Sunghoon quickly pulling away from the crowd to attend to you.

“Would you do me a favour and bring her over to Heeseung’s ward? Introduce her to his parents.”

“Of course,” Sunghoon hurriedly nods and lowers his head out of respect. “Come on.”

“Thanks, Mrs Park,” You turn your feet to follow Sunghoon, but your hands are reluctant to leave hers. “I’ll come back later.”

“No, take your time, sweet.”

With a slight nod, you pull away and trail after Sunghoon out of the ward after leaving your bag with Jake.

The ward door closes with a soft hiss, then Sunghoon pauses right before you can come into view of Heeseung’s ward door, turning over his shoulder to look down at you.

“I don’t mean to bring this up at a bad time but...”

“I know,” You nod. “I know I’ve been an ass the last few weeks. Honestly, I... I didn’t know who I wanted to be endgame either.”

Sunghoon gives your word one more second of thought before he turns around to face you.

“It’s not my business but are you going to choose? Or... just go home next week?”

You frown and look down at your hands, reminiscing the warmth from Jay’s mother.

“I don’t know,” Your voice cracks. “I don’t think I can choose. Even if I do, I have 8 days, and neither of them are awake yet. I don’t... I don’t want to do that to them.”

He takes a deep breath and looks away, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“It’s Heeseung. Choose Heeseung,” He says without looking at you. “The night they got into a crash, Jay texted Jake to tell us that Heeseung kissed you, and that was the moment he decided he would give up.”

The statement tears you apart on the inside.

“Jay’s a tough guy to hurt and he plays his cards fairly and maturely,” Sunghoon nods and finally looks at you. “Don’t feel bad you’re choosing Heeseung over him. He had a truce with Heeseung. About you. And he knows he lost fair and square, so don’t feel upset. Just pour your heart and soul into Heeseung for the rest of the time you’re here, and worry about committing anything else after you’ve gone home.”

You part your lips to breathe, as if it would help you understand any faster or better.

“Anyway, both Heeseung’s parents are in there and they already have an idea who you are so... Just be nice.”

He watches you nod, slightly zoned-out, then pushes the door open.

His parents can tell you’re more preoccupied with the limp, breathing body on the bed than their presence, but they still take it with grace and greet you like they’ve known you your entire life.

The sight of Heeseung being bandaged up with a leg hanging in the air makes you feel like shit.

Who wouldn’t?

Later in the night, after Heeseung’s mother had gone home and his father had left to get coffee, you’re left alone with him and the occasional beeping from the Holter monitor.

There was a bruise and scratch on his left cheek, and his neck, arms and right leg were in a cast. You think about how much he was going to miss dancing when he gets told he’ll need to be on a 6-month break from anything strenuous.

Tired, you pull your earpieces out and plug it into your phone, laying it on the bed while you hover over him to fit the earbuds into his ears. Then you sit back down and scroll through your playlist, playing with the volume buttons to make sure it was softer than the volume you’d normally listen to your music at.

You make your selection, then quietly lay on the mattress with the faint music drizzling the atmosphere’s noise. That’s how quiet the room was.

His fingers were sticking out of his cast, so you play with them. His hair was in his shut eyes, so you gently push them out in case he were to open them.

“One more time, Heeseung. Just one more time before I leave.”

Jay’s mother was sleeping by his bed when you walk in to check on them, bag hanging from your right shoulder and lids heavy from the terrible sleep schedule the past few days.

“Hi.”

And a smile stretches your lips out when you can see him blink, offer you his bright grin, apart from the cut on his eyebrow.

“Hey,” You whisper, walking towards him on the other side of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

Jay clears his throat and blinks. “Had better days, but at least I’m alive.”

A snigger threatens to wake his mother up. “Good. Do you want me to wake your mom up? Maybe get a doctor in to give you a check up or something.”

He shakes his head, even managing a small wave in his fingers laying by his hip. “No, I’m good. I’m going back to sleep soon anyway.”

You lean over and adjust his pillow. “Well, then I shan’t disturb you. I’ll come by again tomorrow.”

“Sure,” He looks up at you and nods. Your gazes meet, for a split second, he can kind of know what you’re thinking of, and you know what he was.

“Thank you for this sem, Jay. I really am.”

He shakes his head. “No, thank you. It was a fun sem because of you.”

“You call being in a hospital ward fun?”

Chuckling, he turns back to look at the ceiling for a second. “You will come back to visit us, won’t you? Zoom call us or something.”

“Of course. We could meet up during the summer break if anything.”

Satisfied, he nods again. “Good.”

“Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow,” You shove your hands into your pockets.

“Okay,” He quietly responds, watching you turn on your heels. “Oh, y/n.”

You turn and raise a brow.

“Heeseung. He’s the one for you, and... he’ll wake up for you. I know he will.”

With a slightly ached grin, you nod and look down at your feet.

“Bye Jay.”

“Bye.”

#enhypennetwork #heeseung scenarios #heeseung imagines #heeseung angst #heeseung x reader #jay scenarios #jay imagines #jay angst #jay x reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader #enhypen fanfic #enhypen series #heeseung series #jay series

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frogtanii · 4 years

Text

{patient: tsukishima kei | session: 34 | begin recording}

[dr otsuaka] hello tsukishima-kun. how are you today?

[tsukishima kei] not good, obviously. that's what you're here for right?

[dr o] so it seems. now, over the phone you told my secretary that you had something specific you needed to talk about. would you like to begin speaking about that now?

[tsukishima k] uh, yeah, i guess so.

[tsukishima k] ...

[dr o] would you like me to ask you a question?

[tsukishima k] please.

[dr o] when we last spoke three weeks ago, you expressed excitement for a potential relationship with... (shuffles notes) ln-san. how has that been going?

[tsukishima k] (exhales) fuck.

[tsukishima k] i, um, fucked that up pretty badly, pardon my language otsuaka-san.

[dr o] no worries tsukishima-kun, express your frustration as you wish in my office. how did that occur?

[tsukishima k] i told her she meant nothing to me.

[dr o] did you mean that?

[tsukishima k] of course not!

[dr o] then why did you say it?

[tsukishima k] i-i'm not good enough for her.

[dr o] why do you say that?

[tsukishima k] because it's true.

[dr o] but why do you feel that is true?

[tsukishima k] i hurt people. that's all i do.

[dr o] is it?

[tsukishima k] yes, that's what i just said.

[dr o] so you agree that all you do is hurt people.

[tsukishima k] yes.

[dr o] did you see any people before coming to my office today? on the street or in your apartment building?

[tsukishima k] ...

[tsukishima k] yes?

[dr o] who did you see?

[tsukishima k] an old man was waiting for the bus by the road.

[dr o] did you push that man? into the street?

[tsukishima k] what?! no!

[dr o] did you... curse at him? call him names? trip him?

[tsukishima k] what the hell.

[dr o] so you didn't harm him at all?

[tsukishima k] no, of course not.

[dr o] why not?

[tsukishima k] why not what?

[dr o] why didn't you hurt the old man?

[tsukishima k] i don't know!

[dr o] what would you call someone who did trip that old man or who pushed him into the street?

[tsukishima k] (scoffs) a horrible person.

[dr o] so by your own definition, a horrible person would have pushed the old man into the street.

[tsukishima k] by any sane person's definition too.

[dr o] you just told me that all you do is hurt people but when given the chance, you chose not to.

[tsukishima k] well-

[dr o] and continuing with your own words, only a horrible person would have hurt that man and you did not, therefore you, once again by your own words, are not a horrible person.

[tsukishima k] i-

[dr o] tsukishima-kun, when you first came into my office back when you were in highschool, you shared with me your inability to get close to people because of your fear of being hurt, isn't that correct?

[tsukishima k] ...

[tsukishima k] ...yes.

[dr o] once we established that not everyone was out to hurt you, the fear turned to yourself. your abrasive language and uncaring attitude caused you to worry that you would hurt others.

[tsukishima k] could you stop talking about me like i'm some case in a textbook?

[dr o] (giggles) of course, sorry. i get carried away sometimes.

[tsukishima k] hm.

[dr o] (clears throat) i believe you are reverting back to your highschool self, hurting others before you believe they can hurt you.

[tsukishima k] ...but i thought- i thought i had gotten better.

[dr o] you are leagues from where you once were but i think ln-san has gotten very close to you, very fast and you got scared.

[tsukishima k] ...

[dr o] tell me this, tsukishima-kun; do you care for ln-san?

[tsukishima k] yes. a lot, actually.

[dr o] have you ever intentionally hurt her besides your last conversation with her?

[tsukishima k] ...no.

[dr o] what makes you think that you will hurt her again?

[tsukishima k] because i always do.

[dr o] but you don't always hurt people as we just discussed.

[tsukishima k] but i-

[dr o] no you don't. say it tsukishima-kun. i don't always hurt people.

[tsukishima k] ...

[dr o] say it.

[tsukishima k] ... i don't always hurt people.

[dr o] good. now say i am not a horrible person.

[tsukishima k] i am not a horrible person.

[dr o] you need to start believing that. you won't hurt ln-san by just being near her. do you think you hurt yamaguchi-kun everytime you hang out?

[tsukishima k] no.

[dr o] then why do you feel this way about ln-san?

[tsukishima k] i... i don't know.

[dr o] i think you just expect your romantic relationships to fail because you're actually scared of them succeeding. you are always expecting the situation to end horribly which leads you to attempt to ruin it before the bad thing happens.

[tsukishima k] ...

[dr o] tell me this tsukishima-kun; do you want to ln-san to be in your life?

[tsukishima k] ... yes.

[dr o] then you have to try and look past your fears of things ending poorly and take risks to keep her. bad things happen in life but if you are always looking for them, then they will be found.

[tsukishima k] how do i... do that?

[dr o] buy a journal and everyday write about all the positive things in your life and the positive things that you have done. then start changing the negative thoughts you have about yourself into positive ones. when you think "i'm a monster", banish that thought and transform it into, "i have made some mistakes but i am better now for it."

[dr o] (watch beeps) alright, all our time is up for today. i have some homework for you to do before i see you next week.

[tsukishima k] great, more work. (smiles)

[dr o] (laughs) this should be easier than your uni work, promise. i would like you to make a list of all the good things about your relationship with ln-san. after your list is written, i would like for you to express those good things and the way she makes you feel to her when you're ready to apologize.

[tsukishima k] w-what?

[dr o] (giggles) don't worry, you can take your time. i would like to see your list next week though.

[tsukishima k] (stands) thank you otsuaka-san.

[dr o] of course tsukishima-kun. now hurry out alright? and don't forget to buy a journal!

{end of recording}

< omg they were roommates :0

buckle up, we’re going to therapy

series masterlist

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an: get you a man who talks about you to his therapist 😩😤🥵💦 sorry if this is inaccurate btw!! i have NEVER* (ong i’m illiterate) had a therapist besides my mom so if this is not how sessions go, i am so v v sorry 😔✨ ALSO SORRY FOR TAKING FOREVER TO UPDATE SCHOOL SUCKS ASS AND I WANNA DROP OUT luv y’all lots muah muah 😽💕

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