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#i am not being coherent right now but it pains me :')
torgawl · 5 months
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i think what hits most about nobara's backstory is everything that's left unsaid and peaks from between the lines. it's the fact you can easily infer that something was wrong without ever having clear answers on what exactly was wrong. but if you can relate to the feeling of wanting to escape a place and the alienation from everyone around you, especially when you're brought up in small communities, then you can certainly understand, if not fully then partially, nobara herself and the struggles she might have had to face all by herself for a very long time; maybe even the importance fumi and saori had in her life and the pain from having to part from them; and, perhaps the selectiveness in letting people in that she later on develops as well.
#the way her story is told from fumi's point of view is quite interesting#nobara's backstory is like a silent whisper without a lot of obvious context and told from someone else's perspective#someone who until the end never really understood her fully despite their obvious close bond#someone who we weren't even aware was part of her life#and nobara's peak emotional moment and the last person she thinks as her life is in danger is her and the promise she didn't accomplish#a promise to reunite with the friends that shaped her and her life#ah.#i find her last line so... powerful?#she definitely struggled growing up and the only two people she kept in her heart from her life before jujutsu were people that#moved to where she lived. saori didn't even stay in that place for long. and then she moves somewhere new and she meets people#and a group that actually feels like home a community where she fits in and suddenly they kind of break through making place in her heart#just for everything to come to a halt. to turn to shit. for her to see that shatter away little by little. and in the end she's put in a#position where she knows she will not be able to hold on to what she cares for the most. that she will hurt people that truly cared for her#for not being able to go back to fumi and rekindle the friendship with saori and for being forced to be another punch in the guts for yuuji#and everyone else that up until that point were forced to go through losses already and traumatic events#and she decides to encourage yuuji to go on a good note and she truly believes the people she met made it worth it#even if it was for a brief moment in her life#i am not being coherent right now but it pains me :')#she deserved so much better#and i will hang on tightly to the line saying that she had a small chance of survival until the end#because she deserves it she deserves to live 😭#i'm taking her from that stupid anime and putting her in a slice of life anime watch me#yuuji too. and everyone else. i'm taking the kaisen out of the jujutsu and you can't stop me#jjk spoilers#nobara kugisaki#jujutsu kaisen#jjk 💭#my post
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raeathnos · 7 months
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stvrni0lo · 10 months
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𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐡
matt sturniolo x reader (fluff)
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summary: matt gets his wisdom teeth taken out, which makes him incredibly clingy
warnings/notes: reader is referred to as ‘girlfriend’ , that’s about it
requested?: yes!
> > >
Matt had been having tooth pains for weeks now. Every time you urged him to go to the dentist, he would just claim that he hated the dentist and that the pain wasn’t a big deal anyway.
Clearly he was wrong. Sitting next to him as he woke up from his anesthetic daze, you wished you could tell him ‘I told you so’ but you decided to refrain until he was fully sobered up.
His eyes were squinted, probably sensitive to the light since he had been put to sleep for a while.
He looked around for a bit, adjusting to finally being awake. His eyes darted around vigorously once he couldn’t find you.
“Where’s my girlfriend?” he mumbled, disoriented at his surroundings.
You tried to stop yourself from laughing. You were literally beside him, but his drugged state impaired his common sense.
“I’m right here, love.”
Reaching over, you took his hand in yours, rubbing soothing circles over his skin.
“I missed you,” he said, his voice muffled by the gauze in his mouth.
“I’ve been here the whole time.”
You tried speaking gently since the doctors said to be patient and quiet with him in case he had vertigo or a headache.
“Why do I sound like that?” he asked almost childishly.
“You have gauze in your mouth. They took out your wisdom teeth, remember?”
You brushed his hair out of his eyes. Tucking some other strands behind his ear, you noticed the bewildered look in his eyes.
“They have my teeth?” he whispered.
You couldn’t help but giggle at him. He was so clueless it was adorable. “Yes, but they were bad teeth. The doctors made you all better.”
He nodded, seemingly understanding. He looked around once more, a confused look on his face.
“Can we go home? This place is creepy,” he said, his puffed out cheeks still impeding his speech. It took all his strength to be able to speak even somewhat coherently.
As soon as you got home, Matt was all over you.
He was leaning his head on your shoulder and gripping onto your arm, following you around wherever you went.
You didn’t mind. You actually found it cute - but you were worried for him. The doctors said he shouldn’t be walking around too much since he probably didn’t have a lot of balance.
“Hey how about we go lie down for a bit?” you asked him.
His eyes widened. Matt grabbed onto your arm with both hands now, looking up at you.
“Yeah! Will you lie with me?”
You smiled before nodding and helping him to his bedroom. You tucked him into bed before getting some water and painkillers for when he wakes up, but not without Matt whining for you to come back and cuddle with him.
You could hear a “where are youu?” from the room over as you scrambled to get as many supplies as possible.
His eyes were droopy when you came back into the room, head lolling to the side as he tried to fight off sleep. You set everything down next to him, including some clean gauze for him later. Changing them would be a pain in the ass but it doesn’t compare to how he’s about to feel in the next hour or so.
“Am I gonna hurt when I wake up?” he whined again as he made a grabby motion for you to come next to him.
Climbing into bed, you gently pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Only for a little while, but I’ll be here to help.”
His lips broke out into a smile, his cheeks making him look like a chipmunk. Closing his eyes he cuddled into you, resting his head on your lap as you sat up in the bed.
“You’re the best,” he said as he drifted off to sleep.
- - -
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭:
@lollibumblebee
@d0wnt0wnstu4n1ol0
@gracietaylorsversions
@20nugs
@thetriplets3
@stxrniqlo
@sunshinewwx
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steveyockey · 7 months
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As I watched people online debate the models of anti-colonial struggle, raising comparisons to Algeria and North America and South Africa, I found myself returning to the foundational Jewish liberation myth: the Exodus. It was hard not to think about the moment in the Passover seder when we lessen the wine in our full cups with our pinkies as we recite the plagues. This ritual has materialized as an indispensable touchstone, insisting that to hold onto our humanity we must grieve all violence, even against the oppressor.
But I also thought of the plagues themselves, particularly the final one, the slaying of the first born—children, adults, the elderly. It seems that hiding in our liberation myth is a recognition that violence will visit the oppressor society indiscriminately. I know that I have many friends, and that Currents has many readers, who are asking themselves how they can be part of a left that seems to treat Israeli deaths as a necessary, if not desirable, part of Palestinian liberation. But what Exodus reminds us is that the dehumanization that is required to oppress and occupy another people always dehumanizes the oppressor in turn. For people who feel like their pain is being devalued, it’s because it is; and that devaluation is itself a hallmark of the cycle of the diminishing value of human life. As the abolitionist geographer Ruth Wilson Gilmore has said, “Where life is precious, life is precious.” We are seeing the ways that Jews as the agents of apartheid will not be spared—even those of us who have devoted our lives to the work of ending it. (I am thinking of Hayim Katsman, zichrono l’vracha, killed by Hamas, an activist against the expulsion of the West Bank community of Masafer Yatta, and Vivian Silver, a hostage in Gaza, who is known to many of its residents as the person they meet at the Erez Crossing who advocates for and facilitates their transfers to Israeli hospitals for treatment.)
That question of how we recuperate this humanity is ultimately an organizing question. People have repeated over and over again over the last few days that you “cannot tell Palestinians how to resist.” To me, it seems there is a very literal dimension to this axiom: They are not asking. Part of what has made the experience of this event feel so different from the status quo—and so different to Palestinians and Jews—comes from the fact that Palestinians were undeniably the actors, for once, not the acted upon. The protagonists of the story. I consider it an enormous failure of our movements that we have not been able to build a vehicle for that kind of reversal in any other way thus far. Our Jewish movements for Palestine were not powerful enough to stop other Jews from gunning down Palestinians in peaceful marches at the Gazan border fence, or to keep Palestinians from being fired, harassed, and sued for speaking the truth about their experience or—God forbid—advocating the nonviolent tactic of boycott. And now, we do not have a shared struggle able to credibly respond to these massacres of Israelis and Palestinians. With all of the work that many Jews and Palestinians have done to reach toward each other over the years, I believe at heart it is this failure that is now driving us apart. There is no formidable political formation that I know of that can hold the political subjectivity of both Jews and Palestinians in this moment without simply attempting to assimilate one into the other. No place where Jews and Palestinians who agree on the basics of Palestinian liberation—right of return, equality, and reparations—are poised to turn the synthesis of these two subjectivities into a coherent strategy.
One of the most terrible things about this event is the sense of its inevitability. The violence of apartheid and colonialism begets more violence. Many people have struggled with the straightjacket of this inevitability, straining to articulate that its recognition does not mean its embrace. I am reminding myself that it was from Palestinians, many of them writing and speaking in these pages, that I learned to think of Palestine as a site of possibility—a place where the very idea of the nation-state, which has so harmed both peoples, could be remade or destroyed entirely. And it was Palestinians who opened my thinking to multiple visions of sharing the land. On the left, I hope we do not mistake the inevitability of the violence for an inescapable limit on our work or the quality of our thought. Even if our dreams for better have failed, they must accompany us through this moment to the other side. We need to imagine a movement for liberation better even than the Exodus—an exodus where neither people has to leave. Where people stay to pick up the pieces, rearranging themselves not just as Jews or Palestinians but as antifascists and workers and artists. I want what Puerto Rican Jewish poet and activist Aurora Levins Morales describes in her poem “Red Sea”:
We cannot cross until we carry each other,
all of us refugees, all of us prophets.
No more taking turns on history’s wheel,
trying to collect old debts no-one can pay.
The sea will not open that way.
This time that country
is what we promise each other,
our rage pressed cheek to cheek
until tears flood the space between,
until there are no enemies left,
because this time no one will be left to drown
and all of us must be chosen.
This time it’s all of us or none.
Arielle Angel, “‘We Cannot Cross Until We Carry Each Other’,” Jewish Currents, October 12, 2023.
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nyctophiliq · 9 months
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⋆⑅˚₊ — in the back seat, I’m yours. abby anderson
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description.             non of you can keep your hands to yourselves after a night out with friends, it has to be done right here, right now.
content warnings.               MDNI, nsfw content, female bodied reader, semi public sex, vaginal fingering, fingering, cunnilingus, college au, car sex author’s note.                 tumblr kept community label this back in may and I guess I am trying my luck again so you the ppl on tumblr can also see it !!! hope you like this if you haven’t read it on ao3 yet :)
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it was one of those nights that when the day ended and before the next one started, ellie, abby, dina, jesse, you, and a few other friends of yours didn’t need to be cooped up in the college’s library, learning for upcoming exams and writing essays for extra credits. it was a night to celebrate your hard work and relax, let loose and forget about school even if it was just for a little while. abby and you both enjoyed nights out like these, seeing each other in lovely outfits, nicer than what you two usually wear but not so fancy you would look apart from everyone, laugh with everyone, to laugh with each other when arriving home.
the two of you have been driving around a little just before, trying to not get caught in the city’s traffic too much but one thing lead to another with abby parking a little away from the dorms, in an unlit alleyway, maybe one or two streets down. non of you could keep your hands to yourselves, not after you have endured almost five hours of just being around friends with no chance to really admire each other.
“abby…” your voice came out almost like a whisper, and you looked down, trying to work out a sentence. but your mind’s wires were knotting as you couldn’t stop your fantasies from taking over every coherent thought you had up to this pint. in such a thigh place like this, on the backseats of abby’s car, no wonder you had no room to think, abby was the only thing on your mind. her lips, her skin, her fingers, her breath, her voice… just abby.
“i’m yours… i wanna be yours,” you finally choke out, your hands tensing around abby’s neck as you wait for her to pull away and say no, that it is too public and fooling around was where she drew the line.
abby smiled sweetly down at you, with one of her hands on your flushed cheeks as she hummed, “yeah? wanna be mine, sweet princess?” you nodded, biting your lips while doing so, hypnotized by the lustful look on abby’s face.
“want you so bad abs…” you whine as you lean closer, wanting and needing another kiss so the burning feeling between your legs would be kept at bay. your eyes slipped shut and you whined softly as abby’s teeth got caught on your lower lip, biting and pulling before her mouth slipped to your jaw. she nipped and sucked at the skin of your neck, each kiss sending new tingles across your body.
a grin ran across abby’s face hearing your needy whines. she pushed some hair out of her face before burying her head into you neck, sensually kissing as her hands gave your thighs gentle squeezes. your girlfriend was more than eager to leave some marks, sink her teeth into your perfect skin, and hear you cry a little before letting a pleasant moan out when her tongue soothed the pain.
“you are so precious princess, so soft.”
abby whispered as she opened your legs, pushing the apart and unbuttoning your jeans, practically ripping them off in excitement, ogling those see-through, pretty pink thongs. the sight made the girl’s pussy above you clench around nothing, and that yearning desire to hear her pretty thing of a girlfriend cry out her name grew bigger.
she palmed your clothed cunt, laughing out loud pleasantly as she felt the forming wet patch on her palm. “i was thinking o-of this all n-night… you touching me like this,” you watched as abby’s eye darkened at your words, a grin eating away her facial muscles.
“all this flattery is gonna make me take real good care of this pussy.” abby smirked, flashing one side of her teeth hungrily as she stretched her back for one last time. she wanted to see the forming mess that you were, see how your face twitches as she moved your panties down and pocketed them. “gonna touch you now, ‘kay?”
you turned away, trying to hide your face in your own shoulder as you were already feeling fuzzy and sparkly all over your body. it felt so good to be under abby like this, feeling so small and at a loss of control, but still feeling just as special, her pretty princess, and now you just wanted to please the predator that had trapped you. if abby kept talking to you with that low voice of hers, with this choice of words, the sickly sweet tone that made your knees buckle, then you would have done anything abby had asked for no matter if people were to watch.
abby’s hand run up your flushed body, taking handfuls of your soft breasts as abby rapidly flicked your clit with her tongue. you worked up the courage to look, your glassy eyes stuck on abby’s face as it disappears between your thighs, trying your best to focus in spite of the dizzying weightlessness in your head that threatened to blur your vision. you wanted to see abby first, at least for a little while.
“you are so wet, princess, do you feel that?” abby asked teasingly, moving her thumb up and down between your sticky lips, eyes completely drowning in the stretching sight of your early arousal. she dragged your slick up to your clit and circled it once as slowly as she could, reveling in the way you absolutely melted under her. your entire body thrummed as abby repeated the motion, your mouth hanging open and your body shuddering.
you could taste it in the air how turned on you were, it was embarrassing and the best feeling at the same time. there wasn’t a single thought in your head besides how good it felt to be at abby’s mercy, letting her touch your pretty parts and play with you as a fox would with a bunny before catching it.
your thoughts were interrupted and you almost slipped off the seat when abby’s tongue glides over your fiery core, pushing into you eagerly. “it’s so fucking hot when you drip for me, must be feeling good, huh?” you nod, hardly you can but you try, unable to do anything else because there is no word that you could form with your mouth.
abby teases you a little more, playing dangerously, barely doing anything that would feel too good before pushing a finger inside you without any warning. your juices drip onto the car seat and abby’s fingers slip right in you, a gasp catching in your throat as your insides welcome your girlfriend with much need and want.
you feel amazing, and abby feels amazing as she moves inside you, relishing in the teasing strokes inside of you, as abby goes joint by join in you before even thinking about speeding up. there is a sight of satisfaction leaving you when abby picks up an even speed, her tongue playing with your clit while her finger fucks into your tight hole.
the night air is cool on your exposed, bare breasts, and you reach up to pinch and rub your already hardened nipple, your other hand reaching for anything in the car to grip, to hold onto. it is abby’s hair that you land your pick on, it feels so good, and the great view of abby’s head between your thighs doesn’t hurt either, just makes you feel even more excited and pretty.
the sound of abby’s finger moving inside you is dirty and hot, and you can feel your face heat up with the pleasure of it. you thrust your hip up into abby’s hand, your own encouraging way for her to put more pressure on your clit, to play with it, to abuse it even.
it comes so suddenly, without a warning when you feel that oh-so-wonderful knot in your stomach paired up with those butterflies trying to break out, making your body writhe, twist and turn. you shake, nails scratching abby’s scalp as you gasp and moan, cursing multiple times, your thigh muscles tensing and wanting to close around that handsome face of abby’s.
“mh… fuck, abs, ‘m gonna m-make a mess, c-cum all over!” you moaned, feeling your hot clit throb and pussy squeezing around abby as she didn’t let off, feeling your hips spasm against her before abby’s finger was coated in your warm, milky arousal, working you through your orgasm. “come on pretty girl, come for me.”
your back arched off of the little support that the inside door handle was providing, your head pushing up against the fogged-up window as you moaned her name out loud, chanting it as your muscles tensed then let go of your body as a whole. you fell back limp against the fabric of the back seats, panting with your eyes stuck closed, little mewls leaving you as the last waves of your drunken daze rode through your body.
“you are so sweet,” of course, abby knew how you tasted, it wouldn’t have been the first time she had pulled her fingers out of you and licked them clean of your oh-so-sweet cum. “like candy.” she continues her little comment, chest blooming at the sight in front of her, looking down between your legs, watching as the fabric absorbs your delicious juices. she feels bad, wasting something so good.
“come on, let’s go inside, yeah?”
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ameleii · 5 months
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anything with riddle u know they rotate in my brain mayhap cuddling with him,,,,♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
cuddles and doodles || riddle rosehearts
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riddle falls down when his horse is spooked and breaks his arm. you're here to distract him from the sadness, with cuddles and random doodles.
a/n: thankies for the request, amari!! you get to draw on riddle's cast!! what're you gonna draw 👁️👁️
word count: 447 words
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"okay, you're all set for a month or so now," trey starts as he removes the plate of pie from the bed, riddle looking at him betrayed as he continues. "the prefect decided to spend some time with you until we get everything else settled, considering it was their fault grim spooked your horse."
"how is their fault? grim is a... being? in his own right. i shall collar him appropriately when i get out of bed."
"they said something about 'not being able to distract him enough', and to be fair... i also think it's not their fault. grim is just an easily excitable 3 year old boy."
"i suppose," riddle trails off as you enter, grim hanging off your arm morosely as you glare at him. "grim, [name]."
"hey riddle!" you greeted cheerily, the air around you anything but cheerful. "grim's got something he wants to tell you."
"[name], please, it's alright, really," riddle starts as you shake your head.
"he'll never learn to apologise if he doesn't start now. grim."
"mrah! i'm very sorry!" grim exclaims, falling silent as you raised an eyebrow. "i promise to be more careful, a-and make sure i don't hurt anyone!"
"good job, grim!" you coo as you set him down, and riddle empathises with his need to get away from your grip right now. "stay out of trouble!"
"how do you feel?" you ask, shutting the door to his room to prevent any noises of highly probable mishaps from making their way to the both of you. "it was quite a fall."
"i feel more coherent, now that most of the medicine has left my system, but this arm is sore, and moving it even the slightest makes it twitch with pain."
"hmm, makes sense. i guess i asked that question a bit too early," you chuckle, rolling your eyes at your own stupidity.
"not at all. it's a question that should be asked. sit beside me, would you?" riddle pats the free space on his bed with his other hand as you flush. "please, [name]. i insist. there is little need to treat me like i am a porcelain doll."
after you sit next to him slowly, you reach over to his bedside table and grab a pen, placing your cheek on his shoulder as you lean lower to doodle a stick figure couple of you and him. "there's you, and me!" you beam as you put the pen away, settling closer to him but still distant from his arm, and as the fake sun outside sets slowly and the noises outside turn to whispers and murmurs, your gentle smile leave him all the more in love.
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gretavanlace · 7 months
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Sugar II (part 2)
18+ only! Minors do not interact!
Warnings: language, angst, Josh is perfect, angst, also maybe some angst
I’m so happy that you are all enjoying Sugar 2.0 as much as I am! I’ve missed this little world so much and it just makes me smile to know that you missed it too ❤️
Curled up into a tight ball under hotel room sheets, your mascara smudges across and stains the bleach-white pillowcases. And you might feel a little guilty about that if you could form a halfway coherent thought.
You’d expected a coworker, also dragged into town for this god forsaken conference, when you’d heard your name skittering across the marbled lobby floors. Turning to find Daniel, dripping in Greek God beauty and memories, had stolen the air from your lungs.
Quite literally, you had found it impossible to breathe for a few panicky moments as your eyes darted around in search of those that might be tagging along with him.
The warm, nostalgic feeling of stumbling across an old, dear friend had been overshadowed and twisted by fear…and a horrible, throbbing sadness; there was a time when this was your life…the last time anything had made any sense.
The overwhelming urge to sob in his arms had left you aching when he’d pulled you in for a bear hug. Somehow, his being so near had made home feel that much further away.
Take me to him. You’d wanted to beg Danny, clinging to his sturdy frame.
Now, you just want to run. To pack up your things in a hurry and flee the building as if it were engulfed in flames. You wish you were shoving your bag into an overhead compartment on a plane bound for anywhere that isn’t here.
This is too close. They are too close.
Three years it’s been, and he is still the first thing that weighs like sand on your mind when your eyes blink open in the morning…and your very last thought before they drift closed at night.
Has it really been three years? It doesn’t seem possible.
You think of Josh, too. Of course you do. But it is with a distant fondness for what you had. He is a pretty memory. A good memory. One you can recall easily, and with wistful affection. You can speak of him readily, with gentle sentiment. It was a great thing you had, and now it is no longer. Simple.
Jake.
You try so hard not to think of Jake, but he’s there all the time anyway. Cozied up inside your head like he owns the place, no matter how many times you’ve ordered him to vacate. He always was stubborn, and his memory has proven no different. There is a hole in your soul shaped exactly like him. Hardly a blip of light in your eyes; you left most of it there with him all those moons ago.
You could so easily satiate your searing need in some minuscule manner, via YouTube interviews, balcony seats at shows where you would stand no chance of being spotted. The wails of his guitar could pour from your speakers and right into your chest whenever it feels too hollow. You could fall asleep to samplings of his velveteen voice, rasping answers to questions floated from radio hosts and devour written pieces where he speaks so eloquently and with such reverence about his craft…
You could, but you don’t.
You do none of these things. It simply cuts too deeply.
Early on, you did. Tortured yourself as you sobbed and cried out in the night like a homesick child. Yes, in those early days, you’d punished your fractured heart and yearning mind with pain; sunk your teeth into and gnashed them together, fearful of letting go.
But you’ve found your way. Tripped clumsily along, patching together a new normal slowly. The diamond that rests upon your ring finger reminds you of that…and you feel sick with self loathing. Weeping in this strange bed over what used to be, while he waits at home for you, happily watering your plants and tending to the household chores. Loving you from a distance.
He sends you texts just to say he loves you, and so you’ll know you’re on his mind. To ask if you’d like him to pick up anything from the store so you won’t have to worry about it when you return home. To remind you that he adores you in a hundred little ways.
…and here you lie, in a bed that isn’t the one you share with him, chest caving in around your heart, squeezed up tight and longing for Jake.
Jake, Jake, Jake…always Jake. Why won’t he go away?
A knock, swift and sure, startles you out of your misery with a jolt.
You don’t plan to answer, that’s a given…you’re a mess, complete with a blotchy, tear streaked face, and swollen eyes…so you’re silent as you creep over to the door to have a peek through the peephole.
He looks angelic, waiting out there in the hall nervously fidgeting. His curls look like home and your fingers itch to touch them, innocently. Almost the same, and so different all at once, now closely clipped at the sides. He looks reminiscent of his younger self. A little like the Josh you’ve only ever known through pictures; the Josh before he swept into your life like a tornado of light and smiles. He always was so beautiful. So offbeat. So eclectically mishmashed together and esoteric.
It’s like spotting a twin flame that you never expected to see again. Like the dead has risen…
…and before you’re consciously aware of your actions, you’re sliding the lock and cracking open the door.
“Hello, sweet girl.” His voice is soothing, and weighed down heavy as it slams into your head and scrambles your brain.
“Josh,” is all you’re able to manage, stupidly.
“As beautiful as ever, mama.” He smiles, flashing that tiny gap in his teeth that used to make you weak.
“Now, listen,” he holds a hand up and then shoes away whatever notion he’s about to bring up, “Don’t you hold this against our dear Daniel…I know you didn’t want to see us,” he lowers his voice into a conspiring whisper, “but you should know, he’s become a terrible tattletale in your absence.”
Suddenly, you’re hyper aware of the fact that you’ve left him standing in the hall like an unwelcome stranger. Against your better judgment, you invite him in.
He’s careful not to touch you, mindful of overstepping in a way that’s so out of character for him it makes you feel unsteady.
“You really do look lovely, sweetheart.” He smiles, “A vision. I’ve missed you, my friend. I’ve missed you very much.”
‘My friend’ stings a little at first, but within a blink, it settles and feels right - you were always friends. Friends before it became love, friends while it was love…
The Josh you knew possessed a great many talents, and quick adaptability was listed among them. He allowed the fickle winds of life to toss him about like no one you’d ever known, and had an ever present and uncannily firm grasp on relationships, and an admiration for how they can shift and morph.
He also always was a cool liar when it was for the greater good. Some things clearly never change.
Nervously, you sweep a hand through your hair and blot your eyes with the backs of your hands, “Lovely my ass…c’mere.”
With little reservation, you tug him in close and fold your arms around him. An unexpected huff of a laugh escapes you when you feel his familiar warmth.
He hugs you back, long and hard, with a soft, “Hi, baby, hi.”
“How’d you find me, you stalker?” You joke tenderly as he sways your bodies back and forth. “I didn’t give Danny my room number.”
That chuckle of his that you’d buried in the past trots out to say hello, “A trip to the front desk was all it took. Have you forgotten the Kiszka charm so easily?”
“Uh-huh,” you roll your eyes, though you’re still wrapped up tightly together and he cannot see.
“Okay,” he concedes “the Kiszka charm and maybe a hundred tucked into a hand or two.”
How strange that you had begged Danny not to tell him; his embrace is blissful and you’ve missed him terribly.
Still, there is a phantom in the room with the two of you, and you know without a doubt that he feels it too.
When he pulls back, his hands slip down your arms to clasp around yours…and he sees it.
“Oh my, mama,” he tugs it up closer for inspection, “would you look at that. Going to the chapel, huh?”
“I—“ for some unknown reason, you pull your hand away and tuck it behind your back as though you’ve been caught in a shameful act.
He tilts his head, regarding you carefully “Can we sit?”
With a welcoming gesture, you usher him in further, and like the gentleman he’s always been, he opts for the chair and doesn’t mention the disheveled bed, or its wept upon pillows.
After you settle in respectively, there’s a long stretch of silence in which you both seem to just sort of sink into being in the same room together again. Finally, he breaks the ice.
“He can’t know you’re here. It won’t be like this,” he waves a finger back and forth between the two of you, indicating the ease in which you’ve reunited.
A choked sob threatens to breach your lips at the mere mention of him, and your hand darts up to press it back.
“And he certainly can’t know about that.” Josh points to your ring winking obnoxiously in the light.
“Of course,” you nod rapidly, blinking tears back. “Yes, of course not…but, is he…” falling silent, your gaze lands on your bare toes and stays there.
“Is he, what?” Josh’s voice is kind, and you are so grateful for it. “Okay? No, sweetheart. He’s very far from okay. I should lie for him, I know I should. He’s my brother…I should tell you he’s happy. Happier than he’s ever been.”
“Will you?” There is a desperate hope in your plea that makes you cringe inwardly. “Will you tell me he’s happy?”
His eyes, so like his twins, and so full of sorrow, watch you for such a long time you begin to squirm this way and that in your seat. “Sit still, mama…” he finally scolds with the tiniest wink to soothe your anxiety, “he’s happy. He’s fine. But best if you just steer clear, alright?”
“So he’s happy? Or you should lie, Josh? Which is it?” Why are you asking? You don’t want to know. It’s infinitely easier to swallow the lie. You can’t stand the thought of Jake broken still and riddled with the pain you know so well.
With a sigh, he avoids your gaze. “You know the answer to that already, it seems. Are you?” His eyes flick towards your engagement ring, “Happy, I mean? Are you?”
Now it’s your turn to lie, “Yes. Very.”
He nods, and then glances at the mascara glaring from your pillows like evidence at trial. “Yes, it would seem so.”
“Josh, I—“
“Look,” he cuts you off, stressing with urgency. “We’re only here for the night. Lay low if you can. He’s bad off, and to see you would level him. To see you with that,” he once again points out your ring, “Would kill him. You leaving…”
A shaking breath rattles his shoulders, “It wasn’t easy for either of us, but Jake? Jake is still in that hotel room you walked out of a thousand nights ago. He never left, sweet girl. He never fucking left…and as much as I know that it’s not your fault…”
He trails off in thought and then drags in a hitching hiss of air, “As much as I know it isn’t either of our faults, I still place all that blame right here, with you and me. I can’t watch him descend any further, alright? So just lay low until we’re gone. For me, yeah?”
“Yeah,” you nod, a thousand questions beating like bird’s wings against the cage of your mind, “Yes, of course.”
Another lull slips in to visit until he shakes his head slowly, “How did I ever manage to get over you? You truly are beautiful. I’d almost forgotten…that’s heartbreaking.”
There is an innocuous lilt to his tone that warms your soul like cocoa with the fattest marshmallow bobbing along in the mug, and you feel your cheeks turn pink under his open, golden gaze.
“Me?” You laugh, “What about you, gorgeous? I love the hair.”
“Oh, you know,” he brushes his palms over the sides with a bashful shrug, “I let Sam trim it, scissors slipped…had to do something.”
“Still blaming Sam for all of life’s tragedies?” You laugh again. You always did laugh so freely with him, and you’ve missed it more than you ever allowed yourself to realize.
He scoffs with the faintest roll of his sparkling eyes “Obviously. That’s what the youngest is for, mama. You know this. And speaking of Samuel, you understand that Daniel will tell him, right? Those two might as well just get married and call it a day.”
Another giggle sounds out of you, “Don’t be jealous, Joshua. It’s unbecoming. Danny loves you, too…and Sammy I would say definitely considers you a solid acquaintance.”
“Yes, well, my acquaintance would be thoroughly crushed if he didn’t get the chance to at least say hello to you. Maybe later tonight? After the show?” He leans forward and toys with the beads swinging between his knees. “How would that be?”
“Only Sammy?”
He holds up two fingers, scout’s honor, “Only Sammy.”
You agree, and catch up a while longer until it’s time for him to take his leave, and you can’t help the confession that blurts out of your mouth without eloquence.
“You said he never left that hotel room,” you waver with bitten back tears. “It wasn’t…I don’t want you to think…it took me a very long time to leave that room, too.”
One last time, before the door closes behind him, his eyes linger on your pillow and the evidence of your tears, and then find yours, “Sweetheart, are you sure you’ve left it at all?”
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ziipzeepzop-eez · 3 months
Note
Greetings, i hope you're doing good🤍
Can i please request ROTTMNT brothers with their little sister?
Type: hc, platonic, hurt/comfort.
Scenario: it's about little sister reader who had been in a relationship - since she's the same age as Mikey - but she got cheated on and dumped so once her family knows - *cough* thanks to Donnie and his trackers *cough* - they go get revenge for their heart broken little sister.
(If it's okay with you can you add future Leonardo acting like the oldest brother/father to reader? It's okay if you don't want to, no pressure)
❝ home is where your heart is. ❞
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⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴ − ⌗ 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐱 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
❝l 𝓪/𝓷: the wayyyyyy, i actually feel kinda baddddddd, for the fool that had the audacity. to even consider - much less f o l l o w through, with cheating on THE. ✋ Hamato [Name] ................. *crickets chirping* .... nah, no i don't. HAHAHAAA (also i am so so sorry this is so late- you sent this in to me LAST YEAR....... 😀............. *runs off bawling*)
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‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ | aiight. to summy this entire shindig up: i feel sorry for the sucka that did you so wrong. because lemme tell you right now babygirl lah– you. you? you, are the most estimable treasure. the cherished jewel of the Hamato Clan. whoever this joker is, just know, they fumbled the bag DEVASTATINGLY HEAVY. oh, the agony is unimaginable. unimaginable, i say!
kinda like . . . how you felt that day.
numb,
yet every nerve ending felt like it'd been cauterized – an open wound burned closed.
the same way you'd burned your heart shut, sloppily, hurriedly, with the same grace as you'd gathered your dignity as soon as you laid eyes on your once-beloved,
. . . and their new one.
THAT DAY you come home from up top, eyes red and puffy, heartbreaking whimpers streaming from your lips as you stumbled through the main entrance. –where had your heart gone?
‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ | in my professional opinion (*mocking hyena laughter echoing through the trenches*) : emotional pain, is unarguably, the worst kind of pain one can go through.
by fate, by coincidence, by the supreme pizza maker in the sky − all of your siblings were joined together in the main living room the moment you came home.
it'd be later on that you'd find out that each one of their sibling senses were tingling. it's exactly why they all coincidentally commence a living room rendezvous – which in of itself wasn't odd! it just became a tragic thing very quickly.
you didn't know whether to be relieved or even more devastated.
i concur you'd decide on a secret third thing −
when the previous relaxed vibe was wiped clean as soon as you'd stepped in and everyone caught wind of your devastation immediately, leaving a cold backwash of worry and alarm.
mikey was the first to reach you. when quickly followed by the other three, voices overlapping, all in varying tones but all uniform in inquiring 'are you okay?' . . . well. *blows heavy breath* you couldn't help the utter anguish that crashed into you in a relentless wave. being in a familiar and safe environment allowed your mind to slow down to a coherent level, and therefore allow what you witnessed to really sink in . . . you collapsed. metaphorically and physically.
"hermana? n/n, hermana, hey- hey hey- shhhh, what happened, what happened—?" leo, for all the panic that was pumping through his bloodstream, tried his best to comfort you: his foremost reaction to when you were in pain or discomfort of any kind. raph was a mess above all three of you; having previously been checking for wounds of any kind, he cringed back instantly when your cries only got louder. for a split second he was horrified he had hurt you, but a once-over showed that it . . . blessedly wasn't that? then- what . . .? donnie hovered nervously, eyes wide and shiny but even then, his hands were outstretched to you. reactive instinct. like he wanted to pull you - his only little sister - into a hug of sorts, but didn't know if it'd be received. –yet you clung to mikey with all you could hold yourself up to right then. even though he himself had no clue what was going on, he held you close and tight, tears of his own burning behind his eyes at the sight and sound of your wailing. "[n-name]? sisi, what–?" "t-they broke up with me," you bawled, your own words folding you over in despair once more. the room instantly got colder. no voices besides your own were heard. "they, th-they dumped me," you gasped, choking with hiccups, "a-and they, th-they were w-with someone e-helse! an- another per, hhu, person!"
seeing you in the aftermath of such an affair nearly killed all of your siblings.
you were so devastated that it just, broke their hearts. almost as much as yours.
you weren't like yourself.
and sure, that's to be expected!
i mean, it was your first ever relationship − your first everythings concerning intimate romance.
(well, that can happen in one's teenagehood, more or less.)
and to have what you'd thought was a beautiful bond, just.. flushed down the drain? just like that?
tha shii hurteded mayn, ngl. 😔✊
justice for [name] hamato, seriously. tf is wrong with people and dumping one of a kind gems??
‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ | there are five stages of grief, even after a breakup. denial, anger, bargaining, depression, then acceptance.
and though it's a messy, painful time for you – your family is there with you through it all.
mikey (bless him) is of course, the one who assists in you recognizing all these stages and is an immense aid for caring for your delicate emotional state.
also helps that he's practically your twin. i mean, c'mon: ever since you both were tots, you were inseparable.
dare you say he knows you better than you know yourself. and that'd go even without his impressive emotional depth.
"you're amazing." he whispers. under your shared blankets and the dead of night, in contrast to the cacophony of invasive voices in your mind, his voice connected to your conscience buried beneath the mental rubble and held taut like a string of fate. no, is what you want to say. but you don't. you can't. because deep down, you know your brother is right. that all of them are right. mikey sits up in your shared hammock, the one used for special occasions, and tugs you up with him. he presses his forehead to yours and it's no secret that his gaze is made of fire. but instead of burning right through you, leaving you to shrivel up and disintegrate, to wallow in the wake of its aftermath – it's warm. it's light. "say it." "'you're amazing,'" you drawl; it's the clearest you've spoken in days. your pseudo twin blinks, eyebrow ridges met to his invisible hairline. a moment passes. two. then mikey snorts, quickly followed by you, and before you know it you're both dissolving into a mushy pile of giggles and obnoxious snorts. it was gleeful and euphoric and by the end of it, mikey is clinging to you like a koala, overjoyed. and you let him. it felt heavenly to laugh like this again. to smile.
as for your other brothers,
i can imagine Leo dragging you into self-care sessions at random.
i would say nights but really, with you guys' schedule, it could be for any time at all aksjhhd. nights are generally reserved for patrols and on the town's !! self-care is all day, every day !!
painting your nails; smoothing a face mask with care from his esteemed varietal top-notch collection on you as well as himself; stashing up a whole bunch of snacks, pizza, candy and comics (he makes sure to get your go-to orders + whtv you may be craving in the moment); turning on some fairy lights and happily binges all your favorite movies/series with you.
he'd give you tight hugs & make a bunch of well-timed jokes to get you into a better mindset on your gloomier healing days — but he can be serious as well !!
and when that happens, it's usually accompanied by heartfelt words and him tucking you against his plastron, like he could shield you from all the monsters and bad, evil things of this world.
(he'd always damn sure try.)
for all of his annoyingness, you mean the world to him and if losers like your,
🤢 ex 🤮 can't see that—
🗣THAT'S THEIR EFFIN' PROBLEM. ALL THEIR LIFE. NOW ISN'T IT??🗣
ahh one way or another, your other two dumpling brothers get lumped into the soup of self-care too !!
they do it for you, [name]. even if they don't always really want to,
they do it for you. 😤
Raph is so sweet. as your eldest brother I feel like he'd feel somewhat responsible for your heartbreak, but you get reassured that it's not your fault, and you reassure him that it's not his either. (please be patient with his logic, he'll get there eventually 😮‍💨😅) and in the aftermath he's spoiling you absolutely rotten.
carrying you everywhere (if that's whatcha dig.) getting you whatever you want: snacks, food, books, stuffies . . . anything man, he's already got it. and he cuddles you at night, giving you gentle shell rubs and churring deep in his chest — it never fails to lull you to sleep. 🥹 worked then, works now.
Donnie is a constant presence. He's not good at this "emotional stuff", or so he claims, but Don's the one who you subconsciously think of for a gentle, solid place to just be safe and be. not for distractions and laughter like Leo, not for being overly coddled and doted on like Raph, but... to just. Exist.
To be grounded.
Brought back to a steady surface.
ironically, it's the most sorting out of your emotions that you do in Donnie's presence: the most emotionally constipated of all your siblings c:
& he gives surprisingly good advice when you ask for it!!
but here's the thing.
Donnie always believed nobody was (or ever will be) good enough for his little sister, and this just solidifies it.
"Trash, everywhere."
"Donnie please—"
so ya might want to either retreat to a different mindset when this comes about or just don't take it to heart. there are wonderful suitors out there !! this one was just a bad rep. 🥹
(don't worry! dr. delicate touch elegantly exits stage left. don't mind the path of fire left in his wake! it's simply protocol. 😇)
‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ | you know the mainstream energy that all siblings carry? when they get annoyed with you but the second anybody else tries you — they're out for blood?
your
🤢 ex 🤮
never stood a chance.
donnie had it alllll handled that exact night.
he was slinking off and typing away furiously at his little tech-wrist, even as raph cradled you
even as leo quickly made up the bedroom with all the combined blankets and pillows and stuffies throughout the lair
even as mikey clung to you with big, watery eyes and tried his best in reassuring you (he might've been more devastated than you about the situation ngl ✋🏼)
and while donnie hovered, he was working.
y'all should know homeboy by now —
he is always working.
i imagine all of them would wait until you're sufficiently distracted, and that's where your sister and dad come in!
april taking you out for some one-on-one time, some fresh air, either to go for something fun around the city or back to her place for an evening in, (aaaand because your big sis needs to get her get back on your behalf too *slings bat across shoulders* —) quality time cuddles and movie night with papa splinter!! <;3 : your dad is good at damage control; you're his only daughter, of course he cherishes you. plus, he raised you alongside your brothers. your very rambunctious brothers. (/lh) all things considered, i think he's a wonderful parent where it counts. he was heartbroken for you that very same night. after all, you'd cried for him like a baby, hands reaching weakly while marble sized tears dribbled down your cheeks..... he hadn't seen such behavior since your tothood.💔,
but splinter is an accomplished man. he was much more in control of his emotions and therefore acted as an anchor of sorts to you in the moment you needed it most.
he was the one to calm your brothers down and gave them all one by one tasks as he cradled your body in his arms. no matter how old or big you'd get, you'd always have a place in your dad's loving embrace. and the night your brothers plan to make their move, which would probably be a day or so after you came home, the old man took up his role and fed you milk and cake while doting. giving you his undivided attention and care whilst he strokes your head and cheeks, reminding you of how precious you are to him —
"my precious [name]," splinter says lowly, cupping your face with his small hands. his eyes are grim, but they shine with fondness as they gaze into yours. "my jade. my little shining sky. you never cease to amaze me. life is a relentless ocean, and you will sometimes be swept away by the waves and crash against the shores . . ."
he takes your chin gently, stroking just so with his thumb. "but we will not let you drown. your strength and resilience is a true testament to how valuable of a being you are, my daughter. never forget that."
" . . . m'kay, papa." you croak. you bury your face into his chest, comforted by the warmth and softness of his fur. "alright. i promise."
meanwhile, snap clip to your siblings. blending in with the night as they move with deadly swiftness and silence, moving with intention. purpose.
whether you know what they're up to or not is entirely up to you
but i think they'd go that mile in ensuring you didn't know the mapped out details of what they were planning.
because — well, y'knaur,
they didn't hold back one bit. 🙂
whether your 🤢 ex 🤮 was a human, yo'kai, it don't MATTER.
"these hands rated e for everyone" 🗣️ — the mad dogz fr.
‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ | a detail I won't be letting anyone forget any time soon: you're all super powered genetically augmented mutants that were initially created for the sole purpose of war and worldwide domination.
you really think your
🤢 ex 🤮
— stood a chance?
nah fam....... nah.
I wanna say your siblings would be lenient, I really do (no tf I don't LMAOAOAOA-)
but realistically, I think they'd deal some heavy damage.
whether physically, emotionally, or mentally-
because you're their sister.
their baby. their princess.
and no matter how much they may lovingly tease you, and vice versa, they ain't about to let that ish slide.
the dealing of their cards is definitely not as worse as it could've been! but bad enough to not wish it on nobody else.
I mean you've got Dr. Delicate Touch, Raph in his big burly glory, and bro is Big Mad™, April is armed with her trusty bat and a Mayhem that's ready to be sicced, not to mention the deadly disaster twins —
they're all out for blood.
ohhohooooo man, they would render your
🤢 ex 🤮
into a pile of MUSH.
there are no remains. there is no recovery. the [name] hamato protection squad takes no prisoners. they kick names and take ass, even.
Dr. Delicate Touch had no preservations. (Ion even need to get into detail for that *shudders in fear*)
Donnie has the homewrecker's information, from birth to present day, down to the very microfibers of their genetic information to what they had for breakfast that morning - and he uses it to further inflict the irreversible damage that was started from Dr DT,
Leo can be, and was, terrifying. He's a broad two-edged sword that can slice through, clean and precise - so sharp you wouldn't feel a thing until he's done with his job of sawing you asunder, splitting through every atom with lethal precision.
and Raph definitely used his height and build to the highest advantage. He's got your 🤢 ex 🤮 cornered and trembling in their boots, tail between their legs (whether literally or figuratively that's up to you c:).
now legally, I cannot tell you what they did!! ,,,
but just know that they brought you to some serious justice.
"you so much as breathe their name again," they growl, "it'll be the last breath you ever take."
they wouldn't hold back their disgust. they probably make your 🤢 ex 🤮 (I will never get tired of typing that PLSSS) feel like a worthless pile of [redacted] from words alone.
and for good reason, tbh.
your 🤢 ex 🤮 had shared space and time with your family as well.
now - whether they were close with each other is ambiguous,
but realistically speaking: if they were your partner, I'd imagine they'd all at least be tolerant of one another to a certain degree.
because, well..... your siblings value your happiness.
even if you may or may not have had to scold them countless times for any odd behavior towards your now 🤢 ex 🤮, they left you both be.
......for the most part.
you'd think the shovel talk was enough!!
but after that encounter, they wouldn't give your ex a second thought.
they weren't worth the time, and you were an absolute enchantment. not even worth whatever your 🤢 ex 🤮 had going on.
they probably wish your 🤢 ex 🤮 "a happy life" to conclude the whole ordeal sksnsjdnk
oh I just know the sarcasm from the disaster twins was dripping with venom.
left boo boo kitty SHAKING FR 💥
but it simply cements the fact!!
your 🤢 ex 🤮 just wasn't the one.
when the wound of betrayal isn't as fresh, some time down the line, Leo would probably try to make you feel better by saying this is a "canon event" and essential to your "badass character development" 😭✋ (I can't stand him y'all plss-)
and even tho Raph cuffs his shoulfer for it, it really did make you feel better.
because, you know your worth.
you know you're a catch ✨👑💞 and if anyone can't see that,
then that's simply a personal problem of theirs.
YOU DESERVE BETTER QUEEN 👑💪❣️💅🏾 THEY AIN'T NOTHING.
‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ | bottom line, no matter what. your family has your back.
it didn't matter how much time it took, and how much time it will take:
they will always be there for you.
they're not perfect but they try the most!! 😭❤️
and in the times where your brothers act like.... well, brothers (/aff),
you've got a kick-ass sister to turn to.
and she's MORE than happy to lend a helping hand and back you up in the midst of tragedy 😉
and it's with them that you really do see the situation for what it is.
did it hurt? yes.
but that's the motions of life, babe.
and you WILL rise (see what I did there? AHA-) from this stronger.
not only because you're an absolute LEGEND.
..... but also, because your family is pretty great at reminding you of that too. 🥹
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headers / dividers credits !! : @chachachannah @rookthornesartistry
subject to editing after posting for grammatical corrections and polishing! :)
sniper baby I'm so excited to finally have this out for you, I hope you liked it !!! muwah muwah ❣️ good things come to those who wait. 🫂 and boy oh boy have you WAITED AND MORE. XD
© ziipzeepzop-eez all rights reserved, all reservations apply.
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cathedral-of-sinners · 7 months
Text
Urges From Within
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Kinktober Day 2 - A/B/O & Floor Sex + Diluc
Genre: Smut (MDNI)
CW: sub!gn!reader (no pronouns/genitalia used), reader is called pretty once, my omega and my love, omega!reader, alpha!diluc, mating press, two sections might not make sense/jump around suddenly idk i don't think it's too bad but still
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Instincts knew no bounds, Diluc now realized this indisputable fact. Honestly, he should’ve known he couldn't handle your scent circling around him for eight hours straight. Especially in an enclosed space like the tavern.
He'd hoped that the accumulation of each omega in the room would drown you out; he's always found the others suffocating, but you, oh you were just downright intoxicating. He could pick you out from a sea of people if he had to. He’s lucky he only spilled two drinks while mixing today, once when you brushed past him behind the counter and the second when you returned the empty glasses on your tray.
Diluc now knows for sure he’s unable to resist your pleasantly distracting scent, but he also sees that he’s realized this too late.
"D-diluc! Ah, slow down, pl-please!" the delicious mix of pleasure and pain swirls within the pit of your stomach, drowning out everything else. The chill of the hardwood floor has long since faded, replaced and overruled by the heated touch of your skin and sweat. Your lover, despite your request, keeps his unrelenting pace, hips snapping against yours.
"You were begging me to go faster not long ago, so I am." Is all he says, taking a moment to readjust his position. The sudden shift has you moaning, his cock running over just the right spot. Faintly you can hear him mutter there's the spot before starting up his thrusts again, aiming for that sweet spot. You're tossed between staring up at the ceiling, off to the side or right at his gorgeous face, his hair falling and framing him picture-perfectly. When the tip of his cock connects with his new target though you don't get to choose where you're looking, head thrown back in ecstasy.
Diluc's fingers gently stroke your cheek, a husk to his voice, "my omega, so pretty for me, spread out and taking my cock deep," he whispers, pressing forward a little more on your folded legs, enough so he can plant a kiss on your forehead. "But they're also so, so needy. I couldn't even take you to the bedroom before you were pulling my clothes off."
"Perhaps I should punish you for that?" The mere idea of your orgasm being withheld from you easily has tears forming in your eyes, and seeing this, Diluc tilts your head to face him, shushing you. "My love, it's alright, just be good for me and I'll give you exactly what you want. I promise."
Nodding, you grip your legs a little tighter, taking care to keep them pinned close to you. Smiling, your lover picks up the pace, the sounds of your love and lust echoing in the winery. You can feel yourself lose the ability to think coherently, babbling only about how good it is, how good he is.
Diluc knows he's close, he can feel it in the tightening of his stomach, the knot growing tighter and tighter, begging to snap. Just a little longer and he'll bring you both to your desired release.
"Di-Diluc, cl-close, I'm close," you manage to say, moaning.
"Me too," burying his face in the crook of your neck, the redhead inhales deeply, taking in your scent. Addicting, intoxicating, the same irresistible scent that captured him when you first met, the same one that sent him into his rut and you in turn into your heat. And it's the same scent that tips him over the edge.
"C-cumming, I'm cumming," and no soon after does Diluc pump his cum in you, warm and filling, moaning right in your ear. You too reach your high, his cock having hit just the right spot, resulting in you clenching around him and leaving no room for him to pull out.
Taking a moment to collect himself, Diluc helps you stretch your legs back to normal before laying on his side, keeping you tucked close as to not let you feel the oncoming cold now that the moment is over.
It's silent for the first few seconds, his warm palms massaging at your skin, until he decides to quietly pipe up, "I've always thought you smelt so good, did you know that?" he questions, loosening his hold just a little so he's not crushing you.
You can't help but laugh, resting your cheek against his arm, "I had an inkling, my love." Tilting your head to press a kiss to the nearest place you could, you continue, "here's my secret though, I think you smell pretty delectable yourself. I can never get enough of it - I can never get enough of you."
"I as well," he tells you. You both rest a little more before rising from the ground and cleaning yourselves and the foyer up. You didn't dare leave the mess you made for the maids to clean up when they got back from their night off.
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Tag list: @rain-soaked-sun || @the-purity-pen || @stygianoir || @the-massive-simp || @londonstylesxx
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storiesbyrhi · 3 months
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Witch!Reader x Bat/Vampire!Eddie Munson Series Masterlist The Grimoire The Timeline
Warnings: canon typical violence, horror genre typical violence/some infrequent gore, swearing, animal death, no beta, death in childbirth (mentioned, not described), abusive parents, suicide, spiders/bugs, grief/mourning; light smut; warnings updated each chapter.
Synopsis: No witch has stepped foot in Hawkins since 1845, but when Vecna opens the ground and poisons the town, a voice begins to call to you. Have you been brought back to this cursed place to heal the townspeople’s wounds, to save a hexed bat that always finds its way to you, or to redefine your history with a reunion 150 years in the making?
Chapter Summary: In coven we trust. 3390 words.
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1986
Seven years of cheated death,
Felt deep pain but kept his breath.
These plants I crush and bend to will,
Impart my magic,
Let me heal to kill.
Remembering Henry Creel was bittersweet. There was the craft. There was Eddie, spitting out, “There is nothing you can offer that sees you survive me,” to a dying Vecna. There was victory. But there was Steve Harrington’s ghost. The broken bones and bodies of children. There was death, so much death, in Hawkins.
“A witch, all of the witches, could never have killed that monster,” you said. “He was undead. Beyond the science and magic of this world. He would have killed everyone in that town, then the country, then the world. He would have won.”
Gillian narrowed her eyes, her hands not moving off your shoulders. “And so, you theorised a vampire could kill him? And just so happened to find the right bat and unhexed it just in time?”
Retelling history differently made you like them, you decided. Gillian’s recount wasn’t how the timeline unraveled, and though it painted you in a much better light than the truth, the truth is all you had.
You pushed your aunt off you, took a shaky breath in, and retrieved your chair. Sitting back down, you put your palms flat on the wooden table top.
“I heard a voice call to me. The voice of fate,” you began.
As you spoke, you realised the truth punished them more than the lie would have. No, you weren’t a whip-smart witch more powerful than all the others. You were a lost little sheep, lied to by your family, used by fate, but given comfort in the one way the coven couldn’t comprehend.
You told them the story, entirely, truthfully.
“And now I am here. I don’t know what I want from it. From either of you. I really don’t. But you need to give Kelsey her memories back. And you have to reconcile the idea of a good vampire,” you finished, exhausted.
“She’s right,” Sally said to her sister. “About Kelsey,”
“I’m right about both,” you correct.
“I feel that the right decision was made that night,” Gillian started. “But it was come to in the wrong way. We should have spoken to The Witches Who Came Before. We should not have become a three-headed dictator… The secrecy ends now; we take it to the coven.”
You and your mother were stunned into silence. Involving the entire coven was destroying any notion of a peaceful resolution. You began to list the possible outcomes in your head. Someone being excommunicated. Eddie being hunted. A coven in ruins. But Gillian was right. There was no way forward but the truth.
“Kelsey comes first…” You stood. “I’ll go to her now. I need to see her. I’ll bring her up later.”
Without a word of goodbye or softness of smile, you left Sally and Gillian in their kitchen, your mulberry tea going cold in the fine bone china teacup.
On the walk back down to Kelsey’s cabin, your jaw was clenched so tightly it ached. You were willing yourself not to cry, but as soon as you snuck through the back door and into the cozy warmth of the cabin, you fell to the floor.
Eddie scurried out of the coat pocket and flapped his wings, begging to be returned to his normal state. You said the spell with your final piece of coherence. In a second, he was pulling you into his lap and holding you as you sobbed.
Kelsey heard all of this from the next room over, unsure of what she would find when she opened the door. She could tell you weren’t alone. The bat man. But she hadn’t worked out what exactly the bat man was. Whatever it was, he was good at soothing you.
Within minutes, he’d comforted you to a calm and Kelsey knocked on the door once before entering.
You and Eddie looked up at her.
“Oh,” was all she said at first. A couple beats of silence. Then, “This man is naked.”
You laughed, looked at Eddie. He seemed unconcerned. You were sitting in his lap, providing the most basic kind of coverage.
“His clothes are in my car,” you told Kels, wiping your tears away.
“That makes sense. I already brought your stuff in. I wondered what was going on there. Thought maybe you’d killed a hitchhiker for his boring clothes or something,” she replied, words yelled from the next room over, as she collected Eddie’s clothes from where she’d put them.
The clothes replaced you on Eddie’s lap, and you left to join Kelsey in the living room. You sat side by side on the sofa, holding hands. Resting your head on her shoulder you held back more tears.
Eddie emerged, taking a tentative seat on an armchair across from you.
“So… Where are your manners?” Kelsey asked you, nodding over to Eddie.
“I believe we have met before,” Eddie answered for you. “Fern,”
“Well fuck. It’s Kelsey now… I knew I was missing something…”
You sat up and looked at her. “It’s my fault. My mother… and Gillian and Penelope. They took our memories because of what I did. And I don’t know how to even begin to make that up to you,”
“What did you do?”
“Me,” Eddie quickly replied.
Kelsey laughed. Then abruptly stopped. She looked at his dark eyes and creamy skin and smooth movement. “Well fuck!”
Before she could scream or attack, you stood up, placing yourself between them. “He’s good! He’s not like the others! He’s-”
“Woah, calm down! Obviously… It’s not as though you’re stupid enough to resurrect a vampire for no reason. And the reason is obviously… at least, partly… that he’s not… not a monster.”
You pulled her into an aggressively tight hug, while Eddie tried to process the fact that there were now two witches who did not see him as a monster.
“I love you,” you told her.
“I love you too,”
“You gotta go get your memories back now. They’re waiting.”
You watched Kelsey go before turning back to Eddie. He was sitting casually, one leg crossed over the other at the ankle. Being free and clear with him felt so close.
“Come,” he ordered.
Immediately, you folded yourself onto his lap, letting him hold you again.
“They won’t ever admit it. They know, they fucking know what they did to me, but they won’t ever say sorry for it. They’re gonna live like that forever. Up there. Alone and all fucked up over it,”
“Let them,”
“How am I meant to live like this though? This is meant to be my home too. I’m as much a part of this coven as them. But I feel like I don’t belong here anymore,”
“I think Kelsey would disagree. And if she does, others will too. Perhaps the others learning the truth will be a good thing.”
Eddie had one armed around you, keeping you close, while he used his free hand to bring your fingertips to his mouth for small fairy-light kisses. You closed your eyes.
“I want to think about something else. Even for a minute.”
Eddie hummed, thinking of another topic. “After watching Hawkins develop, and seeing the cities, I had expected your coven to be enjoying an urbanite lifestyle… Microwaving potions and subway rat familiars…”
You smiled. “Yeah, well… I don’t know. We had spent all our lives so singularly focused on vampires, that when the war was over and we left Hawkins behind… I think we got a little lost. Everyone tried to carry on as normal but that didn’t last long… It felt like we all began to heal a little better when we came up here. Not all of us did though. Some of the coven live closer to New York. I guess we’re still trying to work out exactly what it means to be a witch without a cause in a modern world that doesn’t need us like it did.”
Eddie nodded, understanding the feeling of being a living anachronism. Still, he hadn’t provided an adequate distraction.
“I don’t think I am the only non-witch here,” he offered.
You sat up to look at him properly. “What do you mean?”
“I can hear the heartbeats. Dozens of witches. Countless birds and snakes. Chipmunks. The deer and cats and bears. The odd… What did you call them? Bigfeet?”
Laughing, you shook your head. “Bigfoot. Wait. Actually. I don’t know the plural of Bigfoot. Or the collective noun,”
“Well, there’s at least three around. But beneath all that, there’s something else. It’s faint. But it’s there. And I can smell something. I don’t think they’re the same creature.”
You considered this information. “There’s bound to be other magical beings here,”
“Yes. But they are close. Too close to not be within the walls of your coven,”
“Great. Just when I thought we had solved all our mysteries,”
“If one of your sisters is harbouring an outlaw monster or lost other-worldly entity, who are we to interrupt?” Eddie whispered conspiratorially.
“Maybe I should start a support group for witches who fall in love with non-witch non-human creatures.”
Eddie laughed. “You should. I think you’d find you have many allies.”
Kelsey quietly came through the back door of her cabin. She found Eddie in the same armchair she’d left him in, you asleep in his lap. She flopped onto the sofa and stared into the flames of her fireplace.
Eddie could tell she had been crying, her mascara messy and her nose red. She wore sadness the same way you did.
“I’m sorry,” he told her.
Kels shook her head. “This is on them,” she whispered back. “And they still think they did the right thing,”
“Perhaps they did by the coven.”
Kelsey frowned at looked at Eddie. “Witches have made a lot of hard decisions. We preserve as much life and good as we can. And… yeah, we have bargained with lives before… But it’s always been the last resort. We have always weighed up the value and consequences of all routes forward. We aren’t rash. Or a dictatorship. And we have never and will never have the luxury of small and singlemindedness…”
Eddie loved her. It was like meeting your twin, and though Kelsey seemed slightly more put together than you, a little less unhinged, he guessed her madness manifested differently.
“The betrayal isn’t what they did. It’s that they did it alone and with their self-appointed authority,” Eddie concluded.
Kels nodded, studying Eddie carefully. “Why do you think you’re like this?”
He looked away from her to you. He smiled sadly. “I don’t know. Making a vampire is less of a science more of a… crime against nature… But, from what I have seen, it is all meant to happen quickly. Someone tried to save me. It didn’t work. I died and I came back. But… not all of me died. And not all of me came back.”
Kelsey thought about it. “So, you’re a bit of a freak of nature,”
“I suppose, yes,”
“It sounds… lonely,”
“It was,” Eddie agreed.
“Until you met this little freak of nature,” she replied, pointing to you.
Eddie chuckled. “Yes. Fate was kind to me that day,”
“Ah, yes, our mutineer fate. She’s off the rails…”
They sat for a moment, in the quiet Catskills, watching the fireplace snap, crackle, and pop.
“There’s going to be a meeting tomorrow morning. I’ll wake you up then,” Kelsey announced, standing up and stretching, ready to go to bed.
“I’ll already be awake,”
“Oh. Right. You can’t sleep,”
“Not like this. That’s one of the bat spell perks,” Eddie told her.
“You don’t want to change then? I can set up a little bed for you guys,”
“No. I’ll hold her. Let her sleep.” The love felt like a presence in the room. It had in 1836 and it still did
“In 1836, Penelope, Sally, and I made a decision on behalf of the coven. Today, you are to learn of this decision, and the circumstances surrounding it,” Gillian announced to the coven, who had gathered at sunrise in the hall used for meetings and parties. The floorboards were speckled with glitter that could never be fully cleaned off. Not even with magic.
“That year, I… grew to know… a being that was unlike any other. He was a vampire-” No cliché gasps, just dozens of eyes set firm on you, waiting for the punchline. “And for reasons neither of us could explain, he wasn’t like the others. It was as if his soul was left intact. He wasn’t a mindless killing machine. He wasn’t a monster. He was an outcast in his colony. We became friends. Then became more. I didn’t tell anyone.”
There was whispering, but no raging chaos. Not yet.
“Sally and Gillian had found him. Taken him to Penelope. I couldn’t let it happen. Penelope hadn’t found a way to kill them yet. I knew what she was doing to them. But he wasn’t like them. And I couldn’t let it happen. I begged for his life. I begged them to let him go. To kill us both, if they were to kill him. Anything. Anything that kept me with him.”
It was your job to tell the story, but at your hesitation, your moment of being lost in the memory, your mother stepped in.
“If we could have killed him, we would have. Instead, we hexed him with a transformation spell. He was to spend all eternity as a beast, his memories gone. We knew if it was left at that, it was likely she would find him and restore him. For the safety of the coven, we took her memories. And Kelsey’s, as she was a witness to this night.”
Finding your voice again, you looked at the faces of your sisters. “Nothing has felt right since then. I’ve been… missing something. Directionless. Until I returned to the flatlands.”
The coven braced themselves, some already predicting how the story would end.
“Fate called me there and pushed me into place. I found him. The beast - a bat. I restored him to his true form. Together, we killed Henry Creel. But without him, I couldn’t have. None of us could have. It was only ever going to be at the hands of another undead creature. After that, we worked on our memories. We got them back. I remember everything.”
A silence fell over the hall, everyone deep in thought.
“We concede that we should have consulted the coven before taking such drastic action. We should have consulted The Witches Who Came Before. However, we did what was right for the coven as a whole. There is no such thing as a good vampire,” Gillian stated.
They all looked to you for a response. “There is. As there are dark witches. Creatures we haven’t met. And other dimensions we do not know about. I don’t know what I wanted, coming back here, and doing all of this. If I have to stand here and ask for it though… I guess, just assurance that if I leave, nobody will come after us. That he is left alone.”
From your coat pocket, Eddie shifted, a small reminder that he was with you.
“And for our part, we ask the coven to come to a decision. We will no longer act outside the bounds of the group,” Gillian added. 
Slowly, murmurs to the person next to them turned to conversations between smaller, then larger groups. The coven was in talks as the sun filtered through the stained-glass windows, rainbow shapes covering the walls.
Kelsey came to you, held your hand, and nodded. “Whatever happens, I'm on your side.”
After ten minutes or so, one of the older witches in the coven, Anna, watercolor artist by day and tree climber by night, asked across the hall, “May we have question time?”
The questions came hard and fast, in both directions. You had answers for the ones posed to you; you were willing to admit when you were wrong, naive, or put the coven in danger. Sally and Gillian couldn’t fully explain their actions, unwilling to move from their position and unwilling to state their ego got in the way of justice.
The final question was asked by Myra. Myra worked as an accountant. By choice. She liked numbers and was good at helping people budget. She was one of the most human of the witches in the coven.
She turned to you, sweet-faced and unassuming. “Do you want to stay here? Is there space within a coven for this discord?”
Before you could answer, Ev stepped forward. Ev had been working as an autopsy technician since spending the early 1740s in Italy, befriending childhood sweethearts Anna Morandi and Giovanni Manzolini. “I value loyalty and love above all else,” they said. Ev looked directly at you. “I will follow you wherever you go.”
Meg, who you were pretty sure was responsible for the North Americans learning about cinnamon rolls from the Swedish, stepped up next. “It’s simple… We’re meant to be a family. You can’t just make decisions for all of us, without all of us being involved,” she said to Sally and Gillian. “But you, this doesn’t mean I agree with being put in danger. I just don’t think having your memories toyed with was the right thing to do.”
You nodded, understanding. Meg baked fluffy cinnamon rolls bigger than your head; it was silly and selfish, but you felt immense joy at the prospect of having those in your life again.
Like Myra and Ev, Hailey had a mortal day job. She worked from the Catskills restoring and binding antique books. Sometimes, if you looked hard enough, you could see the characters that were awfully Hailey-shaped in some of the stories. She used to have a habit of inserting herself into the lives of prolific writers. Byron never stood a chance.
“Meg’s right. As a coven, we should be consulting everyone. It’s not a dictatorship, especially when there’s wrongdoing occurring. That isn’t a decision for just a select few; that is a decision for all the coven,” Hailey argued.
“And isn’t our loyalty to each other? Tradition is sacred, but in time those can change. It’s each other, all of us, that get us through. Loyalty to a friend before loyalty to an institution,” Ash said, adding to the growing chorus. Ash had always been good at making an argument. She was in the midst of trying to convince Meg to open a bakery with her. Those cinnamon rolls would look great next to my lemon lavender cupcakes.
Melissa had been standing to the side of the group. The thing about Mel was her gifts doubled as her curse. She could be in a room of people, in a crowd united with single focus, and still feel and be separate from everyone else. It’s why she was an inspired music journalist; she saw more than the band on stage, but the living creature of the venue. She saw the bigger picture of not just the songs but the fans and the cultural impacts. Mel was talented, but often alone on her laptop in the dead of night.
You watched her stand up straight from the wall she’d been leaning against. She looked at you and raised her hand. The coven hushed, surprised by her request for attention.
“No one deserves to have memories of love taken away…” The sentiment echoed what the others had been saying. Yet, from Mel, it seemed to hold a sad weight. “Sometimes memories are all we have.”
Every witch in the coven pictured then, those they had loved and lost. Or worse – those they hadn’t even had the chance to properly love at all.
You smiled at Mel, but she broke eye contact and went back to where she was before, ever the wallflower.
Maybe there hadn’t been a need for all your worrying and all your fear. Maybe your sisters were more ready for change than you had given them credit for. Just as you were trying to imagine what a coven different to this one could look like, the voice of dissent sounded.
End note: Thank you to the following witches for the inspiration: @vintagehellfire @courtingchaos @pastel-pillows @ghost-proofbaby @kookygranger @toomanyacorns - you will all continue to be a part of this story.
Fic Taglist:  @paranoidmunson  @idkidknemore @paprikaquinn @stardustworlds @loz-brooke @wyverntatty @vintagehellfire @dark-academia-slut @scarletwitchwhore @becks1002 @mrsdollardog @heyndrix @luceneraium @rosaline-black @devilinthepalemoonlite @goldencherriess @iamwhisperingstars @wiltedwonderland @blueywrites @breezybeesposts @jadehowlettthewolf @spikesvamp79 @foreveranexpatsposts @tortoiseshellspells @wingedpeachjudgegiant @stardustmunson @live-love-be-unique @fangirling-4-ever @reanimated-alice @b-irock @gh0stlybunnie @myown-worstenemy-2003 @woozzz @cyberxlust @hiscrimsonangel @buckysbarne @m00nlight101 @word-wytch @spicysix @briasnow-blog @goth-cowgirl-03
All Eddie Taglist: @solomons-finest-rum @ruinedbythehobbit @sweetpeapod @thorfemmes  @corrodedhawkins @grungegrrrl @lilzabob  @averagemisfit03 @ches-86 @ilovecupcakesandtea @onehotgreasymechanic @hazydespair @mel-the-fangirl @eddies-hid3out @siren-lungs @aheadfullofsteverogers @hiscrimsonangel @dashingdeb16
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the-fluff-piece · 8 months
Note
I have a weird thing I've been thinking about.
What if like-- (y/n) is in love with Law?
Like-- really really in love. But was just good at hiding it because they know it will never be meant to be. (We all know who law is by nature)
And tries to bury those feelings deep deep inside, so hard they forgot about it (still there), until this enemy comes along and (y/n) thought they were gonna die.
So at the last moments, they told him everything they've been feeling until they passed out.
...
Only to then wake up on a medical bed. Whoops.
That would be...a BIG whoopsie, ngl
Like accidentally calling your teacher mom.
Wonderful xD
Here's part 2 by @axcel-lucci
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You're hit - bad. You're toast. Bepo is already asking you how you wanna be buried while Law is telling you that you will be ok for sure.
You know you're done.
"Y/n-ya, keep talking to me, don't pass out!" Law orders you with his captain's voice.
"Talk about what?" You're feeling light headed.
"I don't know, what did you have for breakfast?" His voice is getting desperate while you go silent and think really hard.
"Or just what's on your mind right now, stay with me!" He readied a syringe.
"You're voice is so sexy" you giggle, "and you're eyes are so, so pretty!" your vision is getting blurry.
"You're such a bad, hurt boy, I love you so much!" Your voice is slurring.
"Keep going!" Bepo's high pitched voice is the only thing getting through to your ringing ears.
"So distant...you never like me..." you're thoughts are loosing coherence.
But than - a moment of clarity! This is the end. Your handsome captain is here for you. Maybe he cared about you, just a little. Now he knows. You can die happy.
Happy.
Happy.
"I'M SO HAPPY THAT Y/N IS OK" Bepo's voice is like a drill in your head.
A sharp tool made for torture. You wake up, blinking into the light.
"Am I in hell?" You ask.
"You're in sick bay" Law says.
"And alive!" Bepo screams, sending pure pain through You're very being.
"Call me when something changes" Law said and left.
Bepo's black button eyes look directly at you, a broad smile shows his big bear teeth.
"Bepo, did I tell our captain that he's a bad boy and I love him?" You ask dryly.
"Yes!"
"Fuck."
___
That's my two cents
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breakfastteatime · 4 months
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The problem with being too sick and injured to do much is boredom. So. Much. Boredom. Cal doesn’t have the energy to tweak his lightsaber or read, but he also can’t sleep constantly, even though he does seem to be trying. He is still feverish – although not as seriously as before, when the entire ship seemed to be talking to him (were they delusions or echoes? Who knows!) – and he’s a little too prone to fainting if he stands up for longer than two minutes (going to the refresher is a mission. Moving to the lounge is too perilous a task). The pain is under control so long as he takes something for it, which only makes him drowsy and less coherent and uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.
He. Is. So. Bored.
Today, they’ve docked with a market barge to restock (a lightsaber wound is a good way to empty out a medkit), so with Cere, Greez and BD busy shopping, Merrin has been left to watch over him.
“Sorry,” he tells her as she settles in beside him. He is resting in bed as usual, supported by pillows and covered in a blanket, one foot alternating between poking out when he’s too hot, and sliding under when he’s too cold. “You’d have more fun on the barge.”
She holds up the datapad. “I am prepared.”
Cal knows she is because he overheard Greez before he left. “Distract him with the holonet,” Greez told Merrin. “Just try to find something other than the usual engineering stuff he watches, otherwise he’ll be wide awake and you’ll be the one taking the nap.”
“The holonet is full of many things,” Merrin says. “I do not know where to start.”
Cal adjusts himself against the pillows, coughing gently. “Here.” He taps on the screen and it changes to a site full of videos. “You want to see the galaxy, right?”
“Eventually.” Childlike hope shimmers from her.
“Okay. Let’s see.” Cal types slowly with one finger, hoping the browser will correct his atrocious spelling.
Merrin follows along. “Top ten best planets in the galaxy?”
“Yeah. We watched it a while ago.” He taps the first video and it starts playing. “Get a taste of what’s out there.”
‘What’s out there’ is beyond Merrin’s limited experience, and she cannot help her gasps of wonder. Planets of water, planets as green as Dathomir is red, planets where the stars ignite the night sky, planets of ice, a planet that is an entire city… Rapt, she remains curled in the bed beside Cal. The show holds his attention… holds his… holds… His head comes to rest against her arm.
“There are many planets I wish to visit now,” she says during a commercial break.
Cal tells her he’ll go with her. Or he hums in agreement. He’s not sure.
“Perhaps we will all go together, when you can stay awake long enough,” Merrin says.
“Mmm.”
“Do not drool on me.”
Cal falls asleep with a smile.
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thestarstoasun · 1 month
Text
Part 1
Blue eyes met worried dark ones. Instantly, he heard Nico's voice, but he couldn't make out what he said. Will tried to pinpoint where all of the pain was coming from, but everything just felt wrong. It took much of his willpower to focus on his surroundings, well those outside of the beautiful dark-haired boy we had woken up to.
The first thing he noticed was that he wasn't in the infirmary. While it made the instinct to not look for his older brother whom he knew wouldn't be there easy to ignore, it also made him feel uneasy. Where were they? How had they gotten here?
"-olace. Will!" Nico's accented voice cut through his thoughts. A cold hand holding tightly to his overheating one.
"You sound like an angel." Will wasn't sure why his mouth didn't get the memo that admiring Nico in dire situations normally stays in his thoughts, but before he could try to form any coherent way of "taking it back" Nico's cheeks tinted pink, and suddenly it was well worth it.
"Don't think compliments and flattery are going to save your ass." The pale boy scowled, though it was hardly as affective as it should have been. "Honestly, what the Hades were you thinking?"
Will tried to filter through his brain for any recollection of what Nico could be referring to, but it seemed his brain still hadn't caught up with the present. He was happy to be able to lift his hand to brush against Nico's cheek with confused eyes. "I don't understand. Where are we? What happened?"
Nico seemed to tense up and let out a quiet sigh. "We're still in Tartarus, Will. Right now, we are in the hut that belongs to Damasen. Small Bob brought us here." Will nodded and bit the inside of his cheek.
“Is he- is he around?” Will couldn't help but wince at how weak and pathetic his voice sounded. He was sure Nico noticed, but his boyfriend didn't say a word about it. “Damasen went out to find something that may help you. I fed you some ambrosia earlier..Will, I'm sorry. Shit, if I paid more atten-”
The blonde leaned up (much to the protest of his body) and grabbed Nico by the boy's aviator jacket and pulled him in for a kiss. It was short and sweet, but exactly what they both needed. “It's alright, Nico. I'd do anything for you.” Even if he couldn't exactly remember what happened, he could piece things together. After all, he wasn't stupid. Waking up in the hut of someone who was said to help with healing, Nico's worried eyes, ambrosia, Lee, all of it fell into place. Will had taken a near-fatal blow for Nico…and he would do it again in a heartbeat.
“If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you. I know how much you've lost people and I-”
“William Andrew Solace, if you apologize for saving my life so help me.” Nico was looking at the ground, shaking his head. His voice was filled with fond exasperation. “What am I going to do with you?”
“You could take care of me? Nurse me back to health?” Will could feel his cheeks heating up. Before this trip, it was something he would have never mentioned. Will Solace was not someone who got taken care of. Will Solace took care of others. Will Solace smiled through the pain. Will Solace didn't allow himself to break down or cry. Will Solace had to be a ray of sunshine in everyone's life. Will Solace had no darkness inside of him…
Or did he? Ever since his meeting with the goddess Persephone, Will couldn't help but think of all the times he so desperately wanted to cry for his big brothers. The hatred he felt towards Percy for months after the Battle of Manhattan, despite knowing it wasn't his fault. (He only didn't let Will look for Michael, but it's fine. Will has accepted it.) All of the times he felt like breaking under the pressure of being the perfect older brother and head counselor.
The truth was that Will Solace did have darkness inside of him - it was just hidden by the overwhelming light. Trust is a two-way road, and if he wants Nico to give him trust, he needs to show that he trusts Nico in return. Will wants to show Nico his darkness. He wants to allow himself to be cared for once again. It's a revelation that shocks him more than probably anything else so far on this trip, though it's not over yet. They still have to find Bob the Titan.
“Yeah, I'll take care of you.” Nico's voice is so soft that Will almost misses it, but he doesn't miss the comforting squeeze the cold hand in his warm one brings.
“Nico, can I tell you about my older brothers?”
“Go ahead, Will. We have a little time to rest.” Those soft brown eyes looked at him with such understanding and love that Will felt things were gonna be alright for the first time in a while.
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nightcolorz · 7 months
Text
Unhinged Sybelle and Benji tangent (cw references to abuse csa trauma etc)
yeah so Marius’s turning of Benji and Sybelle isn’t about whether or not that was the right decision to make and isn’t made better by their contentment living as vampires in late canon. Benji and Sybelle’s relatively happy lives as vampires are irrelevant to me. The cruelty of how he did it is made worse by the hypocritical nature of turning a kid into a vampire after so firmly insisting that turning children is morally abhorrent and smth he should’ve never done, yeah, but that’s only a small part of it.
It was so awful and upsetting to me bcus of the deliberate stripping of Armand’s agency. See, we have a whole book where Armand tells the story of how throughout his entire life and childhood he was forced into the role of submissiveness and/or dependency. whether that be his childhood religious devotion that would eventually lead to his being buried alive for God or being sold into sexual slavery or Marius’s mentorship of him that ultimately intended to teach him to stay loyal and dependent on Marius’s authority to Marius’s relationship with him sexual and otherwise to the cult indoctrination, up until Lestat comes along and tilts his own view of submission and devotion as his only way to survive and function in the world onto its head.
He gives him a theater and then he gives him Louis. Armand floats around, tries to find purpose without devotion through using Louis and Daniel as tools to understanding the modern age. The modern age to Armand is possibility and independence, things he’s never had so much access to and doesn’t know exactly how to apply to himself until the devils minion chapter when he’s like ah ok I get it, life without devotion is something I’ve always been familiar with—it’s what Marius taught me! I Am The Master now with my excessive indulgence and my Boy and my sea side paradise.
But Armand is a Void™️ with no concept of self besides a collection of concepts and experiences and people he’s been exposed to throughout his existence, so rlly he’s kind of a fraud. Internally he’s still a saint who yearns for a God to follow, he’s no Marius, and this all comes to a head in Memnoch the devil when he throws himself into the sun for Jesus etc. and so TVA Armand is mixed the fuck up, he’s lost everything he’s been building for himself, he’s like an open wound, like red and gold sand art shaken around until it’s sludges of brown.
Armand believes himself to have no coherent narrative of a life, no coherent and consistent sense of self, just a collection of unrelated sequences that he draws from to occasionally preform personhood, and at the beginning of TVA he is very much just that. No thoughts only colors and pain. But he’s trying to rebuild himself as best he can, he has these young humans who he’s caring for, and through caring Armand finds meaning.
These humans are very much reflections of himself, or who he used to be, and seeing a personhood reflected back at him through these two gives him insight into his own value as an individual, as someone who is inherently worthy of having a life. So with Benji and Sybelle he tries to rebuild his own sense of personhood by giving them what he would want in there place. The conclusion he reaches at the end of his story to David is that after everything ultimately he is learning and rebuilding, gaining fulfillment and individuality he’s never had before through his empathy and care for these two people in his life. Benji and Sybelle are representative of Armand’s healing process!!! They mirror him bcus they are him!! He’s literally nurturing his inner child!! And with that there comes self care and self love etc etc. but then the book doesn’t end!!
Then after all that trauma and all that healing everything that Armand was tenderly attempting to build for his new life is stripped away ! When Marius turns Benji and Sybelle it doesn’t matttttter that they like being vampires. What matters is that when Armand finally gained agency and individuality Marius decided to take that from him! Marius decided that he actually knew better then Armand, and if Armand would just allow him to do what’s best for him then everything would be so much better and so much easier. And when Armand starts sobbing and screaming and fighting him that’s just justification to Marius that Armand isn’t capable of independence or self sufficiency, that he’s a child throwing a tantrum who can’t make his own decisions, that he should just be dependent on Marius like he used to be and trust that other people know what’s best for him.
That’s why it’s so tragic! That’s why it’s so frustrating and so sad. Armand was on the road to healing but then Marius stormed in like the symbolic representation of his past telling him that no matter what he does or the progress he makes he’s still Armand in the catacombs, Amadeo on the red sheets, Andrei waiting to be buried alive. So I don’t really give af if ultimately Benji and Sybelle are fine! It’s great that despite being a child vampire Benji is able to function independently and contently as an adult with minimal body dysmorphia and existential dread, but you know who’s not able to do that? Armand 😭😭
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loveshotzz · 2 years
Text
I just saw my last request wanted to be private so I apologize, I took it down and am reposting. Please if you would like to be anonymous with your requests put annon on, I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
The request: Eddie and reader having Sex and Eddie discovers that reader is into his dom kinks and wants to keep exploring that side of him.
PURE SMUT BELOW CUT: Minors don’t you
dare .
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It was the moan that fell from your lips when Eddie’s hand wrapped around your throat that caught his attention, the slow and deliberate strokes of his cock lighting a fire through out your body. Your legs tangled around his hips, your heels digging into his ass needing him deeper. Curious he squeezes harder, the metal of his rings biting into the skin of your neck and the moan that leaves your mouth is even more desperate than the last.
You liked this.
“You like when my hand is wrapped around your throat pretty girl?” Squeezing harder he uses his other hand to prop himself up so he can get a better look at the effect he’s having on you.
All you can do is nod, too cock drunk to form any coherent words. When he doesn’t get the vocal validation he wants he stills his thrusts making you cry out in frustration.
His hand doesn’t leave its place on your throat, as his eyes devour you there’s something you don’t recognize dancing behind his blown out pupils. His messy bangs are clinging to his forehead from the light sheen of sweat that had started to build while he worked your body, his mouth slightly hanging open, his heavy hot breath hitting your face. He looks absolutely feral for you right now, his cock twitching inside of you even while his motions are stilled.
“If you don’t use your words, you don’t get to cum. You’ve already came once tonight, anything more then that is a treat. Now tell me sweetheart have you earned a treat?” The words that leave Eddie’s mouth do something to you, like a switch you didn’t know needed to be flipped. You can feel your walls flutter around him unable to control your bodies reaction. Eddie had a habit of making you needy.
“Yes, Eddie. Please, please, I need it. I’ll be good I promise.” You sound borderline pathetic as your pleas fall from your swollen lips.
“You can call me Master when my hand’s around your throat.” The new name sends another wave of arousal to your already throbbing cunt, he gives your neck another squeeze encouraging you.
“Yes Master, please let me cum again, please” pushing your hips up you try to encourage him to keep going, the cockwarming making your brain fuzzy. He was so hard inside of you and you wanted to feel every inch.
His hand leaves your throat pushing your hips down forcefully fingers digging into your flesh to keep you still, his own resolve slipping away at how needy you were being for him and with this new discovery he wanted more.
“Quit acting desperate, I’ll give you what you want. I know how much my baby loves to cum, especially when Master does it right?” His condescending tone mixed with his finger working your swollen clit in small circles makes your head fall back deep into his pillow. Your eyes closing this new side of him turning you on so much it was painful.
“Answer me when I ask you a question or I stop everything right now.” His threat makes your eyes snap open and when they meet his you think you might cum right then and there, Eddie was always looking at you but never like this.
“Fuck, I love when Master makes me cum. I’m addicted to it, I need it please.” Desperation is dripping from every word that leaves your mouth, needing him to give you what you want.
Eddie can’t help but break character at your confession, his eyes closing tightly and a quiet ‘fuck’ falls from his lips in almost a breath. He didn’t think it was humanly possible to be this hard.
Pulling himself out of you was a challenge your walls clamping down trying to suck him back in, and it takes all of his self control not to give your pussy what it wants. Not yet.
You both whine at the loss of contact, the fullness inside your gut is gone and at this point you’ll do anything he wants to get it back.
“Turn around get on your hands and knees for me.” The dominance in his tone has your dripping down your thighs as you follow his instructions, not daring to do anything that will stop you from getting what you want
The sting of his first smack to your ass sends you flying forward, unexpecting. The second one you can feel the cool of his rings at contact and a loud moan rips through your chest, thankful Wayne isn’t here even though you know the whole trailer park has to hear you now.
“You like being spanked like a bad girl huh?” Another loud smack, the harsh sting has you clench around nothing. “Oh you like that don’t you? I can see how much you like it baby, your fucking glistening for me. Dripping for me.” Smack “You’re gonna take me so well when I give you what you want aren’t you?” Smack “Gonna be a good for Master?”
“Yes fuck Ed-Master, I’m gonna be so good, so good for you. Please have I earned my treat yet?” Hearing the way you are completely at his mercy, Eddie can’t handle his own teasing anymore needing to feel you wrapped around him.
His fingers find their way into your hair, tangling themselves there before he yanks roughly bringing your head back and it makes your eyes roll in the back of your head.
“Yes, you’ve been so good for me baby, I’m gonna give you what you want.” When his tip meets your entrance the precum that’s leaking from the top mixes with your slick as he rubs himself up and down your wet slit making a squelching noise he wishes he could record and pound himself off too when you weren’t here to do it yourself.
He doesn’t give you any warning when he slides himself easily into your more then welcoming hole. Your head threatening to fall forward at how full you were feeling but his fingers wrapped tightly in your hair keep your eyes on his headboard in front of you. You can’t help but hope one day he’ll cuff you to it, already desperate for more of this side of your usually goofy boyfriend.
“Fuck she’s barely letting me move. Sucking me in. Your pussy’s fucking greedy for me.” His words mixed with his hard deliberate thrusts have you hurdling back to the orgasm you were chasing earlier, your fingers gripping the sheets beneath you needing to feel grounded before it rips through you.
The sounds of your wet skin slapping together and his headboard hitting the wall with every thrust fill the silence of his trailer, his name falling from your mouth like a chant as you can feel the coil in your gut start to snap.
Eddie’s thrusts become more determined when he can feel you flutter around him knowing that your close.
“Cum on master’s dick, You did so good for me baby, come on let go. You earned it.” His command has your mouth fall open in a silent scream, your walls spasm around him as your orgasm washes over you making you see white behind your eyelids. This is the hardest he’s ever made you cum.
“Jesus- fuck.” His fingers untangle themselves from your hair digging into the flesh of your hips his own orgasm ripping through him coating your insides. His cock twitches inside of you and the feeling makes you clench around him greedy to milk him for everything he’s worth.
He stays inside of you lazily holding your hips up, his sweaty forehead resting on your back both you desperate to catch your breath.
“That was, fuck - baby that was hot as hell.” His voice beaks through your ragged breathing squeezing gently at your sides and all you can do is nod your head in agreement, your legs still shakey. “I’m gonna use those handcuffs the next time, now that I know my angel likes to be told what to do.”
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mlove44lh · 1 year
Text
Don´t hurt yourself
Chapther 5 - Emptiness
Masterlist
Previously chapter
Warnings: mention of cheating, angst, swearing,
Words: 3.561
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“God was in the room when the man said to the woman, "I love you so much. Wrap your legs around me. Pull me in, pull me in, pull me in." Sometimes when he'd have her nipple in his mouth, she'd whisper, "Oh, my God." That, too, is a form of worship.”
"He's here.” I didn't see his car or the lights in our apartment on, but I'm sure of it. It's like I can still feel his presence even though he's meters away. At least that hasn't faded away yet.
The tears from the earlier breakdown are still on my face, but I'm calmer now.
"He’s better be. Now come on, I'll help you upstairs."
Alessia unbuckles her seatbelt and opens the driver's door, but I grab her arm to stop her from getting out of the car.
"No, I'm fine. Let me go alone."
"Are you crazy? Look at you, Y/n. I'm not going to..."
"I'm serious," I interrupt her. "I don't want to go home being carried. I'm not that bad."
I am feeling terrible, but she doesn't need to know how much.
Alessia stares at me for a few seconds before relenting and closing the door on her side.
"Alright, but I'll stay right here, in case you need anything throughout the night. Just to make sure you're okay."
"Go home. I've already caused you enough trouble today. I'll be fine, I promise."
We stay silent for a few seconds before she speaks again.
"You know, if you need help hiding his body, I can assist you."
I chuckle amidst the mess of tears at her comment.
"I'll let you know."
I open the car door and unbuckle my seatbelt. Alessia grabs my hand before letting me get out of the car.
"Y/n. I..." Her eyes tell me what I already know. We've always had a crazy connection where sometimes words aren't even necessary.
"I know. I'll call you when I can."
We exchange a lingering look before I finally let go of her hand and step out of the car. Alessia nods, her eyes filled with concern, and I close the door behind me.
I glance back one last time before stepping into the building. My agitation is palpable, and I can feel my whole body trembling as I wait for the elevator to arrive at the top floor apartment. I try to envision my next steps, but my mind is so muddled that I can't hold a coherent thought for more than a few seconds.
I look at my reflection in the elevator mirror and can't recognize myself through the blurry makeup and the dark bags under my eyes. Just this realization makes me want to cry again. I never thought I would reach this point, never thought it would hurt this much.
I take the key out of my bag as soon as the elevator doors open, revealing the entrance of my home. My hands tremble slightly, and I struggle a bit to place the key in the lock, but I manage to open and close the door without making too much noise. The apartment is dark, and I refrain from turning on the lights to avoid drawing attention. I take off my heels and take a few cautious steps, only to bump into the side table near the entrance with a loud thud. The sound echoes throughout the apartment, cutting through the silence of the night. I release a frustrated sigh and feel a sharp pain in my hip from the impact. I remain motionless for a moment, waiting to see if I've been noticed.
What the hell am I doing? Why am I trying to avoid being noticed by him? Why do I feel like I have to hide my current state? It's not like he doesn't know the way he left me.
The questions echo in my mind, mixed with the throbbing pain in my hip. Angrily, I throw my heels away, watching them hit the floor with a muffled clatter. So I sit on the cool living room floor, leaning against the wall. I feel the hot tears run down my face again, I feel so much that I couldn't even name it now. My crying now isn't compulsive like earlier, but I don't make myself try to hide the tears anymore, I don't care what I look like, or how Lewis is going to find me here, I'm tired, so fucking tired.
I can hear footsteps approaching, but I don't move from my spot.
Lewis appears in the room, his gaze surprised as he sees me sitting on the floor in this state. He's wearing only a sweatpants that I gave him shortly after we first met. A wave of sadness envelops me as I see the worn fabric and faded colors of this garment that I had asked him several times to throw away. But he always refused, telling me it had sentimental value.
The sight of that sweatpants is a painful reminder of how we started and where we are now.
The feeling of loss is poignant. I feel like I've lost not just Lewis, but also a part of myself. My hands tremble, and my heart clenches with the overwhelming sadness that consumes me.
Lewis looks disconcerted, unsure of what to say or do in the face of my state. His eyes fill with remorse, but the words seem to elude him. He tries to approach, but I move away.
"No!"
It's the only thing I can say. It's a plea, and he knows it, as he immediately backs away upon hearing my single word.
"Y/n, let me help you.”
There's pain in his voice, but it also sounds harsh.
"You want to help me?! When all of this is your fault?"
Lewis crouches down, getting closer to my height. I shouldn't say anything now, I'm still drunk, sad, and angry, anything that comes out of my mouth now will likely be regrettable. But I don't think I have much more to lose, so I keep letting the words flow.
"A guy bought me a drink today. A fucking dry martini.” I look at him, trying to discern any change in his expression. But Lewis remains unmoved. “And I accepted. I accepted because I realized what he wanted with it, and I wanted to try to understand. I wanted to see if I could...”
The incessant tears become more potent, and I have to focus on my breathing to maintain some semblance of calm.
"He was handsome. He thought I was beautiful too. He wanted to take me to his hotel room and fuck me." I keep my eyes fixed on Lewis. "You know, I've never been so hurt in my life, I never thought I could feel so angry at you. And even though..." Some sobs escape from me. "And even though, I couldn't even consider the idea of cheating on you.”
My head is still resting against the wall, and I don't have the strength to even maintain a posture.
"The only thing I can think of is why. What led you to do this to me? What made you come to the conclusion that I wasn't good enough and cheat on me with her? And why did you do this to me at the worst moment of my life?"
Tears well up in my eyes again as another wave of sorrow hits me.
"This isn't love, Lewis. This can't be love."
Lewis finally moves, walking towards me and helping me to get up. I don't pull away from him this time, knowing that if he doesn't take me away from here, I'll be sitting on this floor all night.
I stand up with his help, and Lewis carries me to our room, leading me to the ensuite bathroom. Tears are streaming down his face as well, but he doesn't make a sound, nor does he look directly at my face.
He let go of me to turn on the shower, and I lean against the sink counter.
He turns to look at me after the water starts flowing. With great care, he removes each piece of my clothing. I look into his eyes that avoid meeting mine, and he does everything without showing anything other than sadness.
The warm water against my skin helps me relax, even if only slightly. He leaves the bathroom and doesn't come back. I wait for his return, but there is none. The sound of the water falling prevents me from hearing much of what is happening outside the bathroom.
As the effects of the alcohol wear off, I begin to feel shame and fear creeping in.
When I finally feel calmer, I turn off the shower and step out of the stall, still feeling a bit shaky. I walk to the closet where the hanging clothes seem blurred to my swollen, tear-filled eyes. I dress myself before even thinking about what I'm going to do.
I leave the room and come face to face with his figure, sitting in one of the chairs at the dining table, seemingly waiting for me.
As I stare at him, standing still in front of the bedroom door, his expression is one of exhaustion. He looks older than he did just a day ago. His eyes are red and tears stain his face.
Despite the hurt and anger I feel, my heart clenches at the sight of Lewis in such a state. I never wanted this, but still, I feel guilty for our situation.
What Emma said is true, I was very happy with him for many years.
I never thought I would find myself in this situation. I never thought he could hurt me this much.
"Are you feeling better? Sober?" His voice comes out hoarser than usual.
"Yes," I whisper.
"Then sit. Please." He points to the chair in front of him.
I think about ignoring him, but I don't want to act as I should anymore, I want to act as I want. And now what I want is to hear what he has to say. So I comply with his request and sit in front of him. I don't think I have anything else to say to him, but I realize he has a lot to say as he looks at me again.
Lewis looks at me for some time before gathering the courage to start speaking. The first rays of sunlight begin to invade the apartment.
"It was at the Monza Grand Prix. The first race weekend since... that happened." He lowers his gaze as he mentions the last part, and I feel a shiver run through my entire body. "You stayed home. I think that was the first time in my life that I raced without caring about the result. I knew I didn't need to go that weekend; Toto had made that clear. But I don't know, I thought that if I could focus on something, I could take some of that feeling out of me. But no, I didn't focus on anything for a single second. It was a terrible weekend, and I shouldn't have gone.”
Lewis still doesn't look at me. His tension is almost palpable, and his melancholy seems more evident with each passing second.
"I felt so much anger, so much hatred towards myself. For some reason, I felt guilty for not being able to give you what you wanted, what we wanted. I could barely look at you, not because I blamed you or anything, but because I blamed myself. And I regret so much not even trying to talk to you, not forcing you to talk to me. I knew you wanted to talk. But back then, everything was so painful and confusing." He takes a few seconds to breathe before continuing. "On Sunday, my flight got delayed by a few hours, remember?” I don't answer him, just move my head down millimeters to show him I understand, and that he can proceed. “I didn't think it was worth booking another hotel room, so I decided to spend that time at the hotel bar. It was empty, almost dawn already. I just wanted that feeling inside me to go away, so I started drinking. And she showed up, all alone. I didn't know who she was, but she knew who I was, and it seemed like she knew exactly what to say.”
Lewis lifts his gaze to me, perhaps to see if I'm still following along. My body burns, the pain I feel as I listen to every word that comes out of his mouth seems to be physical. But I remain still, waiting for him to continue.
"We had some drinks. And after a few hours, she asked me to accompany her to her room. And I went. And when we got there, she asked me if I wanted to come in. And for some reason, I said yes.”
He continues to look at me, and I continue to look at him. We are sitting just inches apart, but the feeling is as if he is miles away. Until this moment, I hadn't stopped to imagine how he was able to do what he did. I wasn't aware that I needed this explanation. Although it doesn't bring me comfort, at least now I am aware, and I no longer need to speculate and hurt myself with my own imagination.
"I don't know why I did what I did. And it didn't feel right at any moment. I knew it was wrong, I mean, it wasn't out of my control or anything like that. I did what I did fully aware, even though I was miserable. But at that moment, I didn't care about anything."
His hands are tightly intertwined, with the tendons clearly visible, showing a strong grip.
"I left that room, and it didn't take long for regret to hit me. I cried all the way back as if it could undo what I did. I decided not to tell you because it was a mistake that meant nothing, and no one would find out." His pauses become more frequent. "I came home determined to change our situation, to help us overcome that moment. But you were so deeply absorbed in your sadness that you didn't move to change, and I understand, but at that moment, I felt frustrated. And again, I didn't push myself or push you to take any action, I just accepted it, or rather, I gave up.”
I feel my breathing getting heavier. But I don't think I have any tears left to cry.
"I found out who she was weeks later, when I met Matteo in Brackley and he showed me a picture of her. I thought I couldn't feel any worse, but the guilt multiplied at that moment, not because of him or her. But because I knew that you would eventually meet someday, and that even without knowing, you would see in person the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. She became real at that moment.”
"I met with her afterwards. I asked to speak with her after I found out who she was, thinking it would put an end to it, not wanting to take any risks. But..." He pauses, knowing he doesn't need to continue. They kept meeting, it's obvious. "It lasted for a few weeks, I found ridiculous reasons to make myself believe that none of it was wrong. Every time you cut off contact or kept your distance, I believed even more that there was a reason for what I was doing. But it all ended things before November. I think I snapped out of that numbness and apathy and realized what I was doing at the same time as I watched you trying to get better. I decided to end it and hoped it would never affect you. I never wanted to tell you, thought I could hide it and go back to normal. But of course you noticed, and the more distant you became, the more distant I became too. Not because I didn't care, but because I was afraid you would find out and give up on me. But I didn't realize that by doing that, I only made our situation worse.”
He separates his intertwined hands and extends one of them towards me, slowly, as if wanting to make sure I will allow the contact. I'm indecisive, unsure if I want or can handle the touch at this moment. But before I can make a conscious decision, I feel Lewis' hand on mine, which is resting on the table. His hand is warm and firm, and I feel his fingers gently closing around mine. It's a comforting gesture, yet it hurts like never before.
"You said I looked at her the same way I looked at you, but that's not true, Y/n. I never even looked at her in any other way than to fulfill a stupid need that I thought I had. She will never be half of who you are. It was never your fault, and it never will be. I love you more than anything, and I tried my best in everything I did for you, until the moment I broke our relationship in a way that I don't know if it can be fixed." His hand tightens around mine. "I won't insist on you giving me a second chance. Not after tonight. What you said and how you're feeling right now, it's more devastating for me than I thought possible. I want us back, but if you don't want that, I'll understand. I love you too much to push for it after what I've done to you.”
His voice comes out choked with tears, which hurts me deeply. I desperately wish I could say something to ease the weight we both carry, but the words elude me, and there's nothing I can offer to improve our situation right now.
I only decide to speak up once I'm sure he's finished telling me what he needed to say.
"I don't think you can truly understand what I've been through and what I'm going through right now," I say in a calmer tone than I expected. I watch Lewis cry in front of me as I try to formulate what I'm going to say. He breaks eye contact, but I keep looking at him. "And I will never know your feelings and what led you to do what you did.”
Gently, I pull my hand away from his touch.
"Look at me," I say. He turns his gaze towards me instantly. "But I still love you. More than I should. But I don't know if that's enough.”
"It's okay.” His expression falls again, I never thought I would see him like this, but I also never thought I would be in this state.
“I'm not sure if I want to end this. And I don't want to think about it anymore today. I'm exhausted, Lewis, exhausted from thinking and trying to understand. I just need some time away from everything.”
“I can spend another night away.”
“No. It's okay. You can stay here.”
I get up and walk towards him, closer than I have been in the past few weeks. Lewis is sitting down, so his height is a bit shorter than mine. His hands rest on the sides of my legs, and he leaves them there. And I don't mind the contact, nor do I move to pull away.
"I'm not worried about forgiving you," his eyes shimmer. "I'm worried about what will happen if I do forgive you. How I can trust you again? how I can no longer be afraid or ashamed? And all of this seems so much more complex than I could handle, even with all the love in the world. I don't know how long it would take for me to heal from this.”
"I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait for you to be sure, no matter how long it takes."
"I may not come back."
"That’s okay. Just let me know." His eyes are sad, but he seems more relieved now.
I nod as I place one of my hands on his shoulder.
"Let's go. I need to get some sleep."
He accompanies me to the entrance door of the master bedroom.
"Goodnight." The smile on his lips looks pained. He looks at me for a few seconds before heading to the guest room and closing the door behind him.
"Goodnight, Lewis." I say to no one, knowing that my words won't be heard by him.
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, I decided to change some things in the story in the last minute 😅. But here it is. Hope you guys liked it, and see you in the next chapter!
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@slafgoalskybaby, @justanormalfangirlsworld, @ravenqueen27, @nakamotosmoron, @supersanelyromantic, @maryseesthings, @bebesobrielo, @tenaciousathleteoperatorgarden, @bbhyunee, @missamericana69, @thotsposts
If you want to be put on, or taken off my taglist, please let me know!
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