#i am goiing to take this advice

[handsome-john]

John’s Summer Comprehensive-Reading Program

Tried really hard to make that and SCP thing.

A majority of my followers probably don’t follow me for SCP content, I don’t know why you follow me in general but I thought, as someone who’s been reading for a while, I’d make my own recommended reading list for those who are interested but just don’t feel like combing through all that. I’ll be listing some skips, tales, and canons I enjoy with brief explanations

I am one man with limited free time, and so this list is just stuff I’ve personally read. If you have something to add to this recommended reading list feel free to do so! If you do not like any of the things I’ve listed here then good on you for taking the time to read them and forming your own opinions on things.

There will be several scp pages linked here, please let me know if anything is linked incorrectly.

A brief guide to onsite terminology

Thought I should write this out just for those who have no idea what I’m talking about. Scroll past this if you’re already familiar

SCP stands for several things, Secure Contain Protect is the main mantra of the site but it more commonly stands for Special Containment Procedures. An SCP is anything the foundation has, or is attempting to, contained. Skip and Scip are just shorthand, pronounced “skip”.

Object classes are not how dangerous a skip is but instead how hard they are to contain. On a scale of Safe Euclid Keter, Safe being the easiest and Keter being the hardest. Thaumiel skips are skips that contain other skips.

Goi and Poi stand for Groups of Interest and Person of Interest. The Foundation is not the only group that deals with the anomalous. Some of these groups or people make anomalies some of them do other things. Have fun reading up on them.

Amnestics and Mnestics erase or help bring back memories. Click here for a full guide to the different types.

A tale is just any story that is not an Scp but takes place within the universe.

MTF or Mobile Task Force are the people that go out into the field to deal with uncontained skips or threats. They tend to have a funny little nickname to go with them.

D-Class are Death-class or Disposable-class depending on who you ask. Deathrow criminals the foundation throws at whatever monster they want just to see what happens.

The Personnel And Character Dossier is a very useful list of almost every character with a dedicated tag. If you notice a name popping up several times and you want to know more it may be helpful to check this out.

In a similar vein, The O5 Command Dossier is a helpful guide to several different version of the O5 council, the end all last decision makers in the Foundation. Their role in the Foundation and who fills those rolls depends on the canon and/or the writer’s personal preference.

I would also recommend reading the History Of The Universe for a history of the wiki itself.

Some SCPs I would recommend based on my incredibly subjective opinions on things!

On the site there are several Curated lists of the best/most popular SCPs, these are super nice if you don’t wanna dive straight in. I’ve tried to pick several that are not on these lists, but there’s some cross overs. If none of this interests you please go check those out!

2721 - Eli & Lyris. What if two space stations became sentient and one of them got hyperfixated on Homestuck and the other became a discord moderator.

5477 - Brokeback Labyrinth. What if instead of getting eaten by the monster they banged instead.

5434 - A literal love god failing at love. A love god starts an app for giving out romantic advice.

4525 - u come 2 dad go. An scp featuring Poi dado and an anomalous store.

6345 - Huesos Malos (”Bad Bones”). A sentient skeleton becomes a lucha libre, an oddly heartwarming tale.

2875 - The Town That Got Fucked By Bears. Bears repeating.

3088 - Law of the Land. Local mayor discovers the ability to turn legal law into laws of nature.

5056 - The Constant Companions. A Story about a man and the ghost that follows him. Not too much on it’s own but this acts as the introduction of the On Guard 43 canon, as well as several tales around Philip Deering and his Mirror Ghost.

5382 - The Cure, and What Ails you. An anomalous sickness caused by Poi Thilo Zwist who now wishes to fix his mistakes.

5281-D - The Man of the Hour. An interesting dive into both an scp and the process by which the Foundation disposes of an scp if the need arises. (I promise this is the last Harry Blank article on this list)

2902 - The Human Skeleton Closet (and his cat). A man who can remove his skin and skeleton at will and a cat he taught to do the same thing. (Previously part of Herman Fuller’s Circus)

1893 - The Minotaur’s Tale. An interesting format break that requires multiple read-throughs.

3493 - The Great SCP Foundation Collaboration. A look at several alternate realities and their collective goals. (Also consider reading SCP-1437 are a similar idea :D!)

1867 - A Gentlemen. A sea slug convinced he is a British explorer with the stories and artifacts to back it up. Lord Blackwood narrates several other tales (Lord Blackwood and the Great Tarasque Hunt of '83 and Lord Blackwood In the Land of Wonder being my favorites)

1459 - The Puppy Machine. A machine that rewards creative ways to murder puppies. Maybe I am going to hell for this but the Experiment logs are infinitely entertaining.

2206 - Maximum League Baseball. What if they added trench warfare to baseball? (Also take the time to appreciate this tale and scp 6206 also linked on the article)

1896 - Indoor Salesmen. A persistent and highly anomalous door to door salesmen.

5049 - Demon Dan's Discount Homunculus Depot. A fairly self-explanatory title, this guys sells homunculus bodies at a discount.

4231 - The Montauk House. A harrowing tale of domestic abuse and the effects thereafter. Heed the warnings. I would recommend familiarizing yourself with Dr Alto Clef before reading.

3999 - I Am At the Center of Everything that Happens to me. A similarly harrowing tale about Researcher Talloran. If you enjoy this scp please take the time to appreciate ... Like Clockwork, a series diving into Talloran’s experiences and self reflection.

A Special Appreciation to the contest contestants and winners

Including these here as separate from my recommendation list. For every 000 milestone the wiki has done a small contest for who deserves the big number.

1000 - Bigfoot (Other submissions)

2000 - Deus Ex Machina (Other submissions)

3000 - Anantashesha (Other submissions)

4000 - Taboo (Other submissions)

5000 - Why? (Other submissions)

6000 - The Serpent, the Moose, and the Wanderer’s Library (Other submissions)

7000 - The Loser (Other Submissions)

Series 1 skips

These guys also get their own separate section because part of my goal here is encouraging people to read stuff that isn’t series one, but there are several skips in series one that affect much of the greater lore of the wiki.

105 - Iris Thompson. (And if you like her I can recommend Scp-1465, Scp-3002, SPC-105, The Resurrection Canon, and Devil’s Advocate)

166 - Meridiana Clef/Wojcienchowski. Daughter of Dr. Alto Clef. (And if you like her I can recommend 0166, Scp-4166, and the tale Hawaiian Shirts). I do wish she had her own tag and there was more of her in general, but here she is.

73 - Cain & 76 - Able (Abel?) (As well as their estranged brother Scp-4840) If you like Cain I can recommend the tale Mementos. If you like Able can I ask why? I really don’t get it. (not judging you, he just doesn’t appeal to me as a character)

507 - Grabnok. (And if you like him I can recommend the tale Day Trip)

96 - The Shy Guy. Classic murder monster, not much to say. Here’s Dr. Dan’s tag.

408 - Illusory Butterflies. (Introduction to Dr. Kondraki, and if you like him I can recommend the tales Duke Til’ Dawn, Portraits of Your Father, and The King is Dead)

784-Arc - Posthuman Brain. Formerly Agent Adrian Andrews. (Read about him in Incident Zero and the 784 Incident)

239 - Sigurros. (And if you like her I can recommend the 239-B Incident and Adventures of Siggy and Robomonkey)

113 - The Gender switcher. Trans rights! (Also check out the tale Legally a Falcon (For Tax Purposes)! And SCP-6113)

353 - Vector. (And if you like her I can recommend the tale An Apple a Day...)

423 - Fred. (And if you like him I can recommend Murphy Law)

Scp-001

There are many SCP 001s, I wouldn’t suggest these as the first things to read as many are very complicated and connect to larger canons. Here’s a few that are pretty good.

CODE NAME: S. D. Locke - When Day Breaks

CODE NAME: S. Andrew Swann - The Database

CODE NAME: Lily - The World's Gone Beautiful

CODE NAME: Dr. Clef - The Gate Guardian

CODE NAME: Dr. Gears - The Prototype

CODE NAME: Pickman/Blank - The Frontispiece

Some Groups on Interest you may be interested in

As I stated before the Foundation isn’t the only one that deals with the anomalous. I won’t go into too much detail with them as you can read about them yourselves, but here’s some I recommend with related material.

Global Occult Coalition (Consider reading the casefiles and the Unfounded Canon)

Are We Cool Yet? (Consider reading The Cool War)

Gamers Against Weed (Consider reading Cool and Awesome Ways to Say No to Weed and Jude's Bizarre Adventure)

Herman Fuller’s Circus of the Disquieting (Consider reading the Dread and Circuses Canon)

Dr. Wondertainment (Consider reading the What a Wonderful World Canon)

The Black Queen (Consider Reading up on Alison Chao and her father Dr Gears)

Serpent’s Hand (And the Foundation’s sister site The Wanderer’s Library)

Shark Punching Center (I don’t have anything to recommend here but SPC sure is a thing that exists)

And many more!

There is No Canon

I’ve mentioned several Canons throughout this list and I though I’d give a full recommendation of Canons I enjoy. While the wiki itself has no all encompassing canon there are several mini canons that follow their own rules. Some of them co-exist, some of them don’t, some of them are complicated.

I promise these canons are not as intimidating as they may seem, and I would really like to see more of some of these. Here’s my personal Favorites.

On Guard 43 - One of the first canons I’ve read and my personal favorite. I’ve already linked several things from the canon on this list, hope you’ll give this one a chance.

Resurrection -  A plot heavy look into the Foundation’s attempts to weaponize Scps, specifically Iris Thompson. One day the authors resurrect the Resurrection canon. (Insert Second Devil’s Advocate plug here)

S & C Plastics - A very fun look at causal life in the Foundation universe. If you like character based stories or prefer something a little less world ending then you’ll enjoy this canon.

Unfounded - An interesting look into a universe where the Foundation never existed.

Broken Masquerade - Another canon that criticizes the Foundation’s main goal, protection of secrecy.

What a Wonderful World - A deep dive into the past and future of Dr Wondertainment.

Daybreak - Following the events of S.D. Locke’s proposal how does life move on from such an event?

Dread & Circuses - With Herman Fuller gone the “freaks” take over the circus for themselves.

End of Death - What if everyone suddenly stopped dying all at once? An interesting tale of foundation woes. (On a slightly unrelated note, the story 17776 has a much more lighthearted take on a similar idea)

Ship In A Bottle - I feel like I should put a joke here. If you enjoy a bit of tactless humor and you’re familiar with Dr Clef an Dr Kondraki then this is a small canon about being human and also putting your dick in plastic bottles. If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea then please at least read the tale Lizzy the Big Weird Dog.

I feel like I should also mention Lolfoundation, so there you go I’ve mentioned it.

Other

I don’t know if this post will encourage anyone to get into scp, I mostly wrote this for myself. If you like this post and weren’t turned off by how long it is then I’m glad! I hope you enjoy your reading. I may update this list in the future.

I also want to stick a couple other things here

I haven’t gotten a chance to listen to the podcast Find Us Alive, but I’ve heard good things and I’ll recommend it here

If you haven’t watched Lord Bung’s Scp Confinement go do that. It’s what got me into scp.

There is a graphic novel based on SCP-5000. I think it’s really cool and you can purchase it here.

Happy reading!

#scp #Scp foundation #scp fandom #scp guide #i don't know what else to tag #recommended reading #if this convinced even one person to read then I'll be happy #please reblog I put effort into this #if there's anything I should add please tell me

[harrywavycurly]

I wasn’t sure if I’d be into the Seven Wives concept, but I read through them all and - as per usual with anything you create - fell in love with the girls, the concept, the awkward Steve being flustered in front of Eddie and one of the wives. Patiently waiting for Tuesday though, because I think she reflects some of my traits best (at least that’s what I got from the character sheet, even though I’m not a ♍️). Dunno if you have anything planned/in works for her, but may I request a little something?

Relatively early into their relationship, as Eddie introduces Tuesday into the mix, he brings all of his sheepies to meet her (including Jonathan, who’s like a bff with her now obvi, and the rest of the older kids). He’s not an expert in reading his wives’ traits/moods yet, because it’s just her and Monday at this point, so it takes him a little while to clock that her loner nature makes her anxious and a bit reserved around so many people. While some of the older kids find it strange, and the younger ones are a bit oblivious, he notices that she tends to follow him or Monday for extra safety around the group until she disappears from the party altogether. That’s how he finds out she’s bonding over their shared love of Pink Floyd and wacky sci-fi literature with Jonathan.

Now, we know that Tuesday is the jelly, lone gunslinger who gives out advice to Eddie’s sheepies. But how would she form these reluctant friendships with the rest of the group and how would it look like from Eddie’s POV? I can’t help but imagine him seeing different people come and go from her trailer all week long (one day, it’s Mike and Will, next day it’s Nance in the morning, and a little teary eyed Max in the evening etc) and he’s hesitant to bring it up with her, but he just has to know what is going on.

As a borderline introvert, I just have this feeling that she would allow these friendships develop on a 1:1 basis, rather than being thrown into a group. At least that’s what I did with all of my friends, and I keep most of them separate and never meeting one another for years.

Anyways, sorry if it’s too specific, hope you won’t find it too difficult and I totally understand if it doesn’t spark anything. sending lots of love!

— 🦇

Hiiii lovey!! So I also love Tuesday and she’s the one I relate to the most so it’s so odd she’s the only one with nothing written about her 😂🙈 so I love what you said about Eddie wondering how she got to be so close with everyone so I hope you enjoy this!💖

-find all things Seven Wives of Eddie Munson here✨

*Eddie doesn’t mind seeing people leave your trailer…he just is a little curious as to why they are there*

“Hey baby,” you turn your head towards your front door as you hear Eddie’s voice. “Uh sorry am I interrupting something?” You roll your eyes as Eddie raises an eyebrow at Jonathan who is sitting in the recliner across from where you’re sat on the couch in the living room.

“No no sorry I was just getting her uhm advice on something.” Jonathan is quick to explain as he stands up and grabs his jacket off the back of the chair. You get up off the couch and give him a reassuring smile as you reach over and wrap him in a quick hug.

“It’s going to be fine.” You whisper in his ear making him let out a little sigh of relief, you reach up and give his cheek a little pat as you pull away. “Now get out before my husband here fully loses it.” You joke but Jonathan’s eyes go slightly wide as he rushes towards the front door.

“Uh see you later Eddie.” Jonathan mumbles as he passes Eddie on his way out of the trailer. Eddie turns and looks at you as his hands fall to his hips.

“Before you get all huffy I want to remind you that you’re the one who wanted me to be friends with everyone.” You watch Eddie roll his eyes as you make your way towards the kitchen so you can start making lunch.

“Yes and I’m so glad you’re making friends baby,” Eddie starts as he follows you into the kitchen. “But lately you’ve had people coming and going all the time.” You just shrug as you grab a plate form your cabinet and turn to open the pantry so you can grab a bag of chips.

“They come to talk about stuff.” You explain as you bend down to grab the chips Eddie liked to have with his sandwich that you were going to make him for lunch. “Like today Jonathan needed some relationship advice.” Eddie just nods his head as he takes a few steps closer to you so he can wrap his arms around you from behind making you let out a little squeal.

“Nancy trouble?” He asks as he rests his chin on your shoulder, he quickly places a kiss to the side of your neck and gives your hips a little squeeze before he relaxes his hold on you.

“Yes.” Eddie doesn’t push it when you answer because he knows you’d never just spill everyone’s issues to him, even if he is your husband. “Oh you’re really fucking mean to Mike and you need to cut that shit out or I’ll kick your ass.” Eddie feels his eyes go wide as you turn around and glare at him as you reach over and grab the bread off the counter.

“What? I’m not mean to Wheeler.” You raise an eyebrow at him as his shoulders slump a bit. “I mean I’m not that…mean to him.” You just roll your eyes as you begin making his sandwich. “Did he tell you I’m mean to him?” His voice was full of concern as he stood next to you.

“No.” Eddie let’s out a sigh as you slather on some jelly to one piece of bread. “Nancy did.” Eddie runs a hand through his hair as you place the sandwich in the plate and cut it in half.

“What did she say?” Eddie asks as he sits down on the barstool in the kitchen. You just look at him and shrug as you place the plate in front of him and open the bag of chips and pour some out on the plate next to the sandwich. “Come on sweetheart tell me what she said.” You just let out a huff as you grab a chip off his plate and take a bite of it.

“You’re just harder on him than the others or that’s how it seems to her.” You spill and Eddie just nods his head letting you know he’s listening. “I’m not sure if Mike has said anything to her about it this is just her perspective and she’s just being a good older sister.” You finish explaining making Eddie just let out a sigh and run a hand over his face.

“Well I’ll do my best to try to ease up on him a bit.” You smile as you walk around the bar so your standing behind him.

“You can still be his big bad dungeon master just maybe be a little nicer when you’re not at the d and d table.” You suggest as you place your hands on top of his shoulders making Eddie relax under your touch.

“I can do that.” You smile as you lean in and place a kiss to the top of his head. “I really am happy you’ve made friends baby.” Eddie adds as you begin rubbing his shoulders. “But if I come home and see another man sitting in your living room without warning I might have to toss him out on his ass.” You laugh because as big and bad as Eddie seemed to everyone else you know him better, you know he’d never actually kick anyone out but he was just letting you know next time he’d like to know ahead of time if you’re expecting guests.

“Won’t happen again honey.” You reassure him as you lean over and place a kiss to his cheek making him smile. “I love you, now finish your lunch while I go see if Monday needs help with the laundry.” Eddie pouts as your hands leave his shoulders.

“I love you too baby.” You smile as Eddie looks at you letting you know he needs something, you just let out a chuckle as you lean in and place a kiss to his lips making him smile as you pull away and head out the back door. “Nancy thinks I’m mean?” He mumbles to himself before taking a bite out of his sandwich.

#multiple wives!eddie #Tuesday wife #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson series #eddie munson x fem!reader fluff #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x you fluff #eddie munson x you #husband!eddie munson #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson au #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson x y/n #Eddie Munson #my little dungeon master baby

[pup-in-transit]

Month 7 of The Wait ™️ (I checked this time) is over and done with. I now have confirmation that this blog series of mine will end with month number 10! I wrote about this earlier, but I finally have a date for surgery 🧡

On February 27th, 2024, I will at last have the body I've dreamed about and fantasized of. I'll finally have a vagina~

I got my date earlier this month, about a week after my phone check-in with Dr. Brassard. Nice guy, just FYI! A little more blunt than what I was expecting, but patient and polite all the same. No concerns. It'll be great to meet him in person! After that, the planning started. My medical leave request has been submitted, and I have the hotels I'll need for myself and my husband for the two weeks we've budgeted to be in Quebec booked and ready to go.

Speaking of hotels, did you know that GRS Montreal pays for the first two hotel nights prior to your surgery date if you live far enough away? I didn't until their surgical confirmation email came in! The hotel they have a contract with is pretty nice looking and is a short drive from their site. I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate them doing that for folks. It has chopped off at least $500 from my total expenses for this journey 🧡

Once I get my next paycheque I'll start making my purchases for post-op supplies. If you're on the waitlist for a vaginoplasty as well, here's what I'll be picking up in case you need something to reference:

XL puppy pads for dilation. They brand them for humans too but they cost twice as much for the exact same product, so you're better off going to your local pet supply store and getting them there

Cotton underpants. I'll be getting briefs but for me that's a personal preference.

Naproxen for swelling. Check with you surgeon to confirm if this will be safe for you to take before buying these!

Ibuprophen for pain. My surgeron specifically warned against Aspirin following surgery, so ibuprofen will be the way to go for me. Again, please please please check with your surgeon for what will be safe for you! This post is not medical advice!

Doughnut pillow. This'll take pressure off your groin and move it to your thighs when sitting down. Much more comfortable!

Ice packs. Specifically, Amazon (bleh) sells perineal clay ice packs that are shaped like a maxipad. Useful stuff!

Loose clothing. Nothing tight fitting, especially below the waist.

Hand mirror. This'll help with dilation and with inspecting your condition.

Slip on shoes. Probably self explanatory?

Hand towels. Pick up some that you won't mind getting dirty with lube or any post-op ickiness you may experience.

Which reminds me, non-scented lube. You'll need this to help get then dilators in.

Gauze, hand sanitizer, and bactracin ointment. Cleanliness is next to godliness, as they say! Also you REALLY don't want your vagina getting infections!

Douche. Like, one of those refillable ones. Douching is a critical step in maintaining the health of your vagina, especially in the early stages.

One of those grabby-arm things. You know the ones. Post-op you're not gonna be super flexible so it'll be good to have extra reach.

A walking cane. I'm personally gonna try a track down a telescoping one.

I'd need to redo my math on what this'd all cost but it's not super expensive, so I'm not to worried.

Once my husband gets approval for whatever time off he can get from his workplace, we can book our flights. After that and after buying all the supplies I need, we're good to go for February!

It's still so... i don't know, surreal I guess? I went years thinking this was out of reach for me and now, less than a year after starting this process in earnest, I'll have new genitalia. It's nerve wracking in a way. I think the jitters will only stop after they put under anesthesia.

Something I'm mindful of as well is that my vagina won't work the same way as a natal one. What I am getting is the best our current medical technology can provide, which is bolstered because I'm going to one of the most experienced people on the planet for what I want done. It won't be same as if I was AFAB, but that doesn't really matter to me right now. It will still be everything I need it to be, and it will be mine. That's really the only important thing 🧡

#introspection #transition journey #trans #enby #gender affirming care

[sebsbrokentoe]

No Matter What

A/N: i was feeling kinda under the weather recently and i was feeling inspired to write this. Also I’ll put the warning for this because it can be extremely triggering to some so please read the warnings before reading. gif credits to owner. Also all mistakes are my own.

masterlist

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, mentions of depression, Mentions of taking meds, Mentions of self harm, overall very depressing, little fluff at the end.

ONE LAST TIME PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED AND PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS CAREFULLY. If i missed anything, i am extremely sorry and I will fix it. 

Nothing seems to go your way, you should know this was coming since you could never be happy for too long. It always sneaks up on you around this time, when you’re feeling most vulnerable. Everything builds up and threatens to let out, like a volcano, except the only person you’re harming is yourself. 

Which is why you pushed Bucky away, the minute you felt yourself slip away, not wanting to bring him down too. You’re always telling him to speak out on his feelings and not let it build-up, but you’ve always given that advice, never listening to it yourself, which makes yourself a hypocrite but telling him how you really feel and dumping that baggage on him will make him leave you. You know that, you want to think that. 

That’s why you haven’t spoken to him, you went back to your apartment under the excuse that you needed some girl time with your friends, but you needed a space to let your feelings out, without the fear of Bucky hearing you. 

You held your breath until your phone stopped ringing, thinking he could hear you, feeling that fear that he’ll make you let out everything you’ve been hiding, knowing that if you answer that phone, you’d spill everything to him. You know by now, he knows you’re not with any friends, of course he does, he’s probably on his way here now, you think to yourself. 

Another tear falls that you wipe away, wondering how you could still cry. Frustration builds inside of you, because all those of therapy and all those years you held yourself back goes down the drain, as your thoughts trail back to those deep parts of your mind, your body now numb from all the pain you’re feeling, all internal. You look down on your arm, imagining what it would be like if you nicked it a bit, just a bit to feel something else, other than this hollowness, other than this empty feeling. 

You try to push Bucky out of your mind, knowing if you thought about him, you’d stop to call him, but you can’t do that, you need to get rid of this pain, you need to stop feeling. You hear a knock on your door and you ignore it, hastily looking for something sharp to easily end the pain you’re feeling before Bucky could get to you. You hear him shouting through the door, but you lock yourself in the bathroom farthest away from the entrance so you won’t hear his shouts, just wanting to get this over with.

Forgetting about his super-soldier strength and his metal arm, you’re oddly surprised when you hear him right outside your bathroom door, but you can’t find anything to ease your pain, not even some meds. 

“Open up doll, I know you’re in there” Bucky wails from the other side knocking against the door, waiting to rip the door open if you won’t.  

You looked at the doorknob seeing it jiggle, knowing that he’ll come in any second, so you opened the door instead, now feeling extremely tired after feeling like this all day. As you open the door you throw yourself in Bucky’s arms, putting your arms around his waist and placing your head in his neck, trying to hide your tears. 

“I’m so sorry, I couldn’t take it anymore, I just couldn’t do it anymore” You cried into his neck suddenly overwhelmed with more emotion now that Bucky was holding you, only feeling regret for trying to hurt yourself. It was as if seeing and holding Bucky brought you back to yourself and you felt safe in his arms. 

“It’s alright now, you’re safe with me okay, everything’s going to be okay, I promise”  he tried to reassure you, speaking over your sobs, trying to hold in his own, but a few tears fell, trying to forget the panic and fear he felt before holding her in his arms. He didn’t want to imagine what it would be like without her, without kissing her and holding her hand. He shook those thoughts thanking his lucky stars that he got here in time. 

You both stood there holding each other, not letting go of one another, as your sobs die down into silent tears, not quite having the full grasp of reality. Bucky had no idea what else to do other than, hold you and rub your back while whispering soft reassurance and i love you over and over again, thinking you’d slip away from his arms again. Both of you now drained from exhaustion and emotion slipped to the floor, still holding each other as tight as before, not wanting to let go, both of you thinking the other would just disappear. 

Nothing was heard except your soft breathing and Bucky’s soft whisperings, so you started falling asleep, the events from today tiring you out, and the feeling of Bucky lulling you to sleep. You held him tighter before whispering i love you to him, so softly that if you weren’t close to each other he wouldn’t have heard. He kissed your forehead gently saying “I will always love you and I’ll always be there for you, no matter what”

No matter what came your way after that day, you both were in it together, holding each other every step of the way, no matter what. 

#Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #triggering themes #Bucky angst #triggering content #bucky x Female Reader

[goldenraeofsun]

life is just a classroom

A 6k addition to this verse with Teacher!Cas and Teacher!Dean

Jody has never seen her staff with their heads so far up their own asses. They get one reasonably attractive new hire, and everyone is acting more like gossiping, horny teenagers than sane, I-am-responsible-for-multiple-children, teachers. Luckily, Jody’s the principal and expert in wrangling children and adults of all maturity levels.

But this, as Bobby used to say, is too early for this shit.

It’s 7:00 am, and if Jody has to hear one more word about Castiel Novak and his brooding stare and baby blue eyes, she’s going to dump her coffee all over Daphne Allen’s head. It’s not like the Teachers Lounge hasn’t seen more than its fair share of spilled coffee. The brown-ish grey-ish carpet is more for utility than aesthetics, and is probably older than Jody herself.

“I’ve been trying to find out more about him, but he’s so reserved,” Daphne is saying. She sighs. “I’ve always been a sucker for the strong, silent types.”

Jody rolls her eyes and adds more sugar to her coffee.

“I think he mentioned he was actually a student here,” Kelly says, leaning in conspiratorially, “the same year as Dean.”

“No way,” Daphne breathes.

Jody dumps in more sugar.

“Has Dean mentioned anything about him? Is he single?”

For Christ’s sake. It’s the second day of school - Jody is very confident her teachers have better things to do than cross boundaries with new colleagues.

Daphne frowns. “No, he hasn’t. But Castiel definitely doesn’t wear a ring.”

Kelly rolls her eyes. “Would I even be talking about him if I thought he was married?”

Jody clears her throat, saying loudly, “Well, I’d better get back to work. Morning announcements will start soon.”

Both Kelly and Daphne jump guiltily.

Pleased, Jody strides out of the Teachers Lounge, nearly running into Donna. “Here,” she says, pressing the coffee into her hands. “I put too much sugar in it anyway.”

“Oh, hey, thanks Jody-o!” Donna beams.

Jody jerks her head towards Daphne and Kelly, heads ducked together and clearly already back to it. “Watch out for ‘em. They’ll get you sucked in gossiping about the new hire.”

“That Castiel?” Donna asks, her eyes lighting up. “He’s such an angel.”

“Not you too,” Jody grumbles as she stalks out. She has a school to run.

* * *

“Bonne journée, tout le monde.” Castiel waves his students out. “Etudiez bien pour le quiz la semaine prochaine! Si vous avez besoin d’aide, n'hésitez pas à venir me voir.”  

Daphne lets the juniors stream past her, steels herself, and knocks on the door.

“Oui?” he asks without looking up.

Daphne swallows nervously. “Castiel?”

Castiel straightens, and holy hell, those eyes are so blue. “Hello,” he says, “I’m sorry, I thought you were a student.”

“No worries at all,” Daphne says with tittering laugh. “I was just wondering if you wanted to get a drink?”

“A drink?” Castiel echoes.

“To celebrate the end of the first week?” Daphne adds. “Kelly, Aaron, and I have a little tradition.”

“I see,” Castiel says, sounding taken aback. He fiddles with the strap of his bag before slinging it over his shoulder.

As the seconds drag on without a response, Daphne frowns. Is he going to refuse? Daphne had told Kelly this was a stupid plan -

“Can I bring Dean?” he asks.

Daphne blinks. “Dean? Yes, of course,” she says, mentally recalibrating her assessment of Edlund High's newest Latin/French teacher. He and Dean must be closer than she had assumed from their interactions in the Language Office. Maybe Castiel is less the stoically reserved type and more the shy, socially awkward wallflower. Her heart melts, so she adds, “the more the merrier.”

“Wonderful,” Castiel says, smiling. “What time?”

“We were thinking of leaving in like an hour,” Daphne says, “but you can also meet us there - Fizzle’s Folly? It’s on Water Street.”

Castiel raises his eyebrows at the name.

Daphne giggles. “Garth’s wife - have you met Garth? He teaches Chem - owns it. There’s a whole story there, but I can tell you later, if you like.”

Castiel smiles. “I’d like that, thank you.” He hefts his shoulder bag higher. “I grew up here, but it’s been a number of years since I spent a long time in this school district. I don’t remember a Fizzle’s Folly.”

“It used to be called Fenris,” Daphne says as they walk out.

Castiel’s brow furrows. “Wasn’t that a biker bar?”

“Yup, that’s the one,” Daphne says, nodding to Krissy Chambers and her friend Josephine as they pass by. “It underwent a little bit of a makeover when Garth and Bess took over.”

“So no bikers?”

“Not unless you count Garth,” Daphne says, grinning, as she pushes open the door to the Language Office. “He owns a motorcycle, if you can believe - oh, hey, Dean.”

Dean glances up from his desk at Daphne’s acknowledgement. “Hey,” he says slowly, his eyes flicking from Castiel to Daphne and back again. “What’s up?”

“Daphne invited me out for drinks,” Castiel says as Dean’s eyebrows rise, “Would you like to come?”

Dean’s mouth purses. “Wouldn’t want to be an imposition.”

“I already asked,” Castiel says as Daphne nods once. 

And maybe in a week, once Daphne and Castiel know each other better, they can get drinks alone together. Or Kelly can get drinks alone with him. Daphne won’t fight Kelly for him, and Kelly won’t fight her. He’s not a piece of meat, as Kelly is all too fond of reminding if they go too far after too many margaritas. 

After a beat, Dean says in a funny voice, “Okay then.”

Daphne walks around the both of them to get to her desk. “Aaron’s going to be there, if that matters,” she says without looking up.

“Aaron?” Castiel asks curiously.

“History teacher,” Dean says at the same time that Daphne provides, “Dean’s ex.”

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose as Castiel turns to him.

“Not an ex,” Dean grumbles. “We had a thing. Briefly. Years ago. It was before-” he coughs, “anyway.”

“I see,” Castiel deadpans.

Daphne frowns, meeting Castiel’s gaze over Dean’s head. “We are a LGBTQ friendly school,” she says sharply. “Dean runs the Gay-Straight-Alliance. If you have any… issues with that, I’d recommend talking to Jody before we leave.”

Dean looks oddly touched. “Thanks, Daph.”

Castiel just shakes his head. “I’m not homophobic. Dean can attest to that.”

“He had a boyfriend in high school,” Dean says with a grin.

Daphne’s face heats up embarrassingly quickly. “Ah - good for you.”

It’s not the end of the world. He could be bi, like Dean.

* * *

Aaron’s glad Dean and Castiel are here, if just to steer the conversation away from all the boy talk. He always has a good time with Kelly and Daphne, but, damn, they can really fixate. Lately, all they’ve been focusing on is Castiel, which, Aaron can kind of get behind - even though, obviously, Dean is more his type.

Thankfully they’ve cooled it with Castiel actually in the room with them.

Poor dude looks in over his head by the time they’re all sipping their second round of drinks. That’s probably why, when Aaron offers to get refills and snacks, Castiel jumps up to assist, quick on his heels. 

Daphne and Kelly’s eyes follow Castiel’s ass to the bar. Sometimes they really are shameless.

“You doing okay?” Aaron asks after he’s flagged down the bartender. 

“Oh yes,” Castiel says, bobbing his head in a nod. “It’s just… I don’t get out often.”

“I know they can be a bit much,” Aaron says, jerking his head back at their table. “If you want them to cool it with the questions, just say so.”

“I don’t mind.”

Aaron makes a face but doesn’t comment further. It’s Castiel’s funeral if he wants to keep playing into Kelly and Daphne’s hands like silly putty. Aaron warned the guy. He did his job to uphold bros before hos - even if Castiel is barely a bro and Aaron co-ran Kelly's campaign for City Council and let her cry into his shoulder when she lost, and he went to church with Daphne for a couple weeks because she knew her abusive ex-boyfriend was going to be there. 

Mom practically had a heart attack when she heard about the Church thing through the grapevine, which stunned Aaron to no end because, of all his siblings, he was the only one who actually followed up on his threat to get kicked out of Hebrew school. Organized religion has never been his thing, anyway. Two Sundays with Kelly sandwiching Daphne in the pews wasn’t going to change that.

Moreover, it’s not like Aaron's never leaned on the girls for help. Daphne called her second-cousin, the cardiologist, to give a third-opinion on Dad's diagnosis. Kelly let Aaron sleep on her couch for a month because she lived across the street from the hospital. They listened to him whine about his unrequited thing for Dean Winchester when everything else in his life was going to hell. Speaking of-

“So you know Dean pretty well?” Aaron asks casually.

Castiel freezes.

“You keep staring at him,” Aaron says.

“I -”

“Relax,” Aaron says as he leans back against the bar. “Been there.”

Castiel purses his lips. “Daphne did mention you were… involved.”

“That’s a nice way of putting it,” Aaron says, since Daphne could’ve been a lot more damning in her assessment. “We slept together a couple of times. I was feeling it - he wasn’t - and that was the end of that.”

“Oh,” Castiel says, looking relieved. He glances at Aaron out of the corner of his eye. “And do you still… like him?”

Aaron snorts. “I mean, we’re not in middle school. It’s a little more complicated.”

Castiel’s brows draw together in a forbidding frown.

“I was just gonna say,” Aaron supplies quickly, “do I still think he’s hot? Yes, I have eyes. Do I want to marry him and push my mother over the edge by marrying a guy and a goy? Not anymore.”

Castiel settles back down, and Aaron makes a mental note not to piss him off anytime soon. “A word of advice?” he says as he turns back around to grab their drinks, “Don’t insult his car - or Led Zeppelin - or his brother.”

Surprised, Castiel takes a moment before laughing. “Or pie.”

“No quicker way to get your name on Dean Winchester’s shit list,” Aaron agrees. He surveys Castiel again. “So you know him pretty well already?”

Castiel shrugs. “We went to high school together.”

“Kelly mentioned,” Aaron says. “What was he like?”

“Dean?”

“No, Gary Busey,” Aaron says, rolling his eyes, “of course Dean.”

Castiel doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “Very similar to how he is now,” he says, which doesn’t tell Aaron much. “Charming. Caring. Intelligent in the strangest of ways.” Castiel pauses. “Handsome.”

“Yeah, that does sound like him,” Aaron agrees. He’s been on the receiving end of Dean’s charm offensive once or twice. It’s always left his head spinning.

Interrupting his train of thought, “Hey!” Dean calls shamelessly across the bar. “What are you two alte kakers up to?”

Aaron waves him off, unable to hide his smile at Dean’s casual Yiddish. He only picked up two or three words from Aaron, back when Aaron dove head-first into his ill-advised thing with Dean so he didn’t have to think about all the other shit going on in his life. “Here, grab the sides will you?” Aaron asks Castiel. “I think we’ve left Dean alone with them for long enough.”

Castiel dutifully picks up the mozzarella sticks and fries as Aaron double-checks his tray of glasses won’t topple over.

“Watch who you’re calling old men,” Aaron tells Dean as he sets the drinks down at their table.

“You were just gabbing up there,” Dean protests, reaching for his beer, “leaving these two lovely ladies with only little old me for company.”

Castiel snorts as Daphne rolls her eyes above the rim of her drink.

“Then you should’ve gone with yentas ,” Aaron says as he sits down.

“Like Barbra Streisand?” Dean eyes them both up and down. “Can’t say I see the resemblance.”

Aaron runs a hand down his face. “How do you know Barbra Streisand and not what yenta means?”

“Sammy made me watch it,” Dean says into his beer.

Aaron laughs. “Sure.”

“Hey, Castiel,” Daphne interrupts, “Dean was telling us the funniest story about you from way back-”

Castiel shoots Aaron a desperate look, but Aaron just grabs a mozzarella stick and settles in. Let the girls have their fun. 

* * *

“So, Castiel, are you seeing anyone?” Kelly asks after finishing her third whiskey sour. Nine months of sobriety/pregnancy had shot her tolerance to nothing. And, sure, Jack is almost four now, but Kelly still has a hard time knowing when to call it quits.

Whatever. She doesn’t regret the question. It’s been plaguing her and Daphne - and by extension Aaron because he had to listen to them - for a whole goddamn week.

Daphne’s eyes go wide.

Off to the side, Aaron slaps his hand to his forehead.

Dean turns to Castiel, his gaze piercing.

Castiel goes bright red. It’s a good color on him. Brings out the blue in his eyes. “I - well, that is to say - I am not - it’s complicated?” he fumbles.

Dean snorts as he picks up his beer to take a long pull.

Kelly frowns. “It’s complicated?” she repeats, disappointed. “How?”

“I am not comfortable discussing my personal life with colleagues,” Castiel says stiltedly.

Dean thumps him on the back. “Good move,” he says, “these three are the worst gossips in the school.”

“Hey!” Kelly protests automatically although Dean is, unfortunately, right. But it’s not her fault everyone else on staff at Edlund High doesn’t know how to have a good time.

Daphne knocks back her cosmo murderously.

Aaron shrugs.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Dean adds, “definitely has its uses. Just something for the newbie to know, right, Cas?”

“Of course,” Castiel says, sounding like he doesn’t know what exactly he’s agreeing to. 

What a cutie. Kelly grins as she leans in over the table. “You want to know which students are the worst?”

Dean frowns. “Come on, there’s no need to dunk on minors.”

“Who’s dunking?” Kelly asks innocently. “I was going to warn him about Max Banes.”

“Oh, yeah, you should know about him, Cas,” Dean says with a laugh. “Kid’s a horndog. Gives my libido a run for my money.”

Castiel blinks. “Does he… pursue teachers?”

Daphne pats his hand. “Not yet. These three think it’s only a matter of time.”

“Oh,” Cas says, “That was very frowned upon at Carver Preparatory.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “It’s frowned on here too, asshole. If he makes any… advances, just let Jody know. She and Donna - the guidance counselor - can handle it.”

“If I was going to put my psych degree to good use,” Daphne adds, “I would read into his lack of father figure. Their mom’s great, but Max doesn’t have a lot of male role models in his life.”

Kelly scowls.

Dean huffs into his beer. “Single parents have it rough, though.”

“Of course they do,” Daphne says with a significant look at Kelly. “Nobody’s saying they don’t.”

“I was raised by a single dad,” Dean protests, “and he raised me and my brother right.” He holds up a hand, and Castiel snaps his mouth shut before Kelly had even noticed it opening in the first place. “Don’t you start. I know you have thoughts about Dad, but that’s a conversation for another day.”

Kelly eyes them both curiously, but before she can ask, Aaron interrupts, “Did you guys hear about Krissy and Aidan? I think they are finally going to-”

“No way!” Daphne says, shaking her head. “She’s clueless. And he’s inept. The worst combination.”

“I believe in them,” Kelly announces. “What’d you hear, Aaron?”

As Aaron launches into the latest installment of their favorite will-they won’t-they senior couple, Kelly can finally appreciate the lazy smile Castiel wears as he settles in to listen. Maybe Aaron was right, and she and Daphne came on a little strong.

Whatever. No regrets. She wouldn’t trade that valuable intel from Castiel for anything. 

* * *

That was Kelly’s last night out for a solid month. Every other weekend, her usual babysitter called in sick or said she was busy. And usually Kelly would be happy to spend more time with her son, but come on. A month with no breaks? 

Christ, she’s such a bad mom.

Times like this don’t help.

“Jack?” Kelly calls, spinning around in the department store. Panic races through her veins. “Jack!”

She had turned her back for one minute to grab a set of towels from the highest shelf, and by the time she turned around, Jack was gone. She scans the surrounding racks of linens, her eyes peeled for any sign of Jack’s Spider-Man shirt. Heart beating erratically, she pushes her shopping cart back towards the bedding aisle - Jack had been enamored with a set of hideous, bright orange sheets, and Kelly had only gotten him away by bribing him with a piece of nougat.

“Jack!” she shouts again, going a bit red in the face as people turn to stare. 

“Kelly?” 

Shit. How could she miss Dean Winchester standing right in front of her?

“Dean!” Kelly greets, pasting on a fake smile as she cranes her neck around to scan the aisles behind him. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“It was recently brought to my attention I needed a bathmat,” Dean grumbles, “and a shower curtain that doesn’t have the Scooby Gang on it.”

Kelly laughs, a tad hysterically. “Probably. I - well, nice running into you. I need to go - my son’s wandered off, and I need to find him because I am not a terrible mother.”

But instead of standing to the side, Dean adopts a pained expression. “He’s four, right?”

Kelly blinks. “Yes.”

Dean jerks his head for Kelly to follow. “I think I know where he is,” Dean says griml

Bemused, Kelly pushes her cart after Dean, back to the display beds. Her eyes zero in on the orange eye-sore, currently occupied by a jumping toddler. A dark-haired man perches on one edge with his back to them, apparently trying to communicate with Kelly’s wayward son.

She all but sprints forward, nearly bumping her shopping cart into several bed frames. “Jack!” she says loudly, and Jack stops at once. 

“Mama!” he calls back delightedly.

“What are you doing?”

“Jumping.”

Kelly resists the urge to facepalm. “What did I tell you about wandering off? Or talking to stran-” She backtracks, finally focusing on the man. “Oh, hi, Castiel.”

“Hello, Kelly,” Castiel says, his deep voice sending a frisson down her spine like it always does.

“You know Mama?” Jack asks, looking from Kelly to Castiel and back again.

“We work together,” Castiel explains.

“This is Castiel,” Kelly introduces, and Jack wastes no time in chirping out, “Nice to meet you Castiel!’ 

Castiel sticks out his hand like he’s greeting the President instead of Kelly’s four-year-old son. “You as well, Jack.”

“What’re you doing here?” Kelly asks as Jack gives Castiel’s hand a theatrical shake. 

Castiel’s brow furrows. “Purchasing home goods?” He gets to his feet. “I was searching for a suitable bathmat when I found Jack.”

“A bathmat,” Kelly echoes, whirling in place to see a red-faced Dean a few paces away, apparently enthralled by a set of outrageously mundane pillows.

“Yes?” Castiel confirms, following her gaze and blushing furiously. “Ah, hello, Dean. I - I didn’t see you there?”

Dean throws his hands in the air, giving up on all pretenses. “You’re impossible,” he says to Castiel.

“You’re buying a bathmat together?” Kelly asks, confused.

“Dean doesn’t have one,” Castiel says promptly. 

“I didn’t need one until-” Dean closes his mouth with a snap.

Kelly stares at the pair of them. “Do you two live together?” she demands.

Castiel opens his mouth, but no words come out.

Kelly turns to Dean, who is rapidly scanning for the exits.

“Are you the ‘it’s complicated’?” she asks curiously, only looking away as Jack pats her knee determinedly, his face hopeful.

“Up?” he asks.

Kelly sighs and hefts him into her arms. “You’re getting too big for this.”

“Am not,” Jack mumbles into her shoulder.

Kelly presses a kiss to his forehead and turns back to Castiel and Dean, who look more like two students caught passing notes than fully grown men. “Well?”

Dean shares a loaded glance with Castiel, and Kelly has no idea how she missed the whole couple thing. Eventually, he says, “After two f-” he glances at Jack, “-friggin’ years, he finally got sick of cold feet in my bathroom.”

“Two years,” Kelly gapes.

Castiel sighs. “Three.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t start sleeping over at-”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupts in a growl.

Dean rubs the back of his neck. He coughs. “Anyway,” he says, “Yes, we’re dating. No, it’s not really that complicated. Cas just doesn’t like to talk about it at work.”

“Hm,” Kelly says neutrally.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread it around,” Castiel says as Dean snorts derisively.

“Hey,” Kelly says, defensive, “I can do that.”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “You can?”

“Sure, if you ask, Jesus,” Kelly says, rolling her eyes. “I’m not a monster.”

“Thank you,” Castiel says gratefully.

Kelly grins. “But if I can’t spread it around, Daphne’s still going to go after him like he’s a prize heifer at a state fair.”

Castiel squints at her, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “She was pursuing me?” 

Dean guffaws. “Don’t ever change, man.” He claps him on the back while turning back to Kelly. “We can handle Daphne. Don’t worry.”

“Whatever, boys,” Kelly says as she pushes her cart back towards the linens, “it’s your funeral.” She hefts Jack higher in her arms. “Say goodbye to Dean and Castiel, Jack.” As Jack waves goodbye, she calls, “See you Monday!”

Sure, she’s a little disappointed Castiel is clearly off the dating market. But, bonus, she has blackmail material on not one, but two Edlund faculty members, and possibly a pinch-hitter babysitter waiting to happen. Not bad for a shopping trip with a four-year-old in tow.

* * *

Donna’s surprise party at Fizzle’s Folly is well underway by the time Aaron extricates himself from a lively discussion with his Head of Department and Rowena MacLeod, Edlund's chemistry teacher. Aaron will never, ever miss an opportunity to talk to a drunk Eleanor Visyak, and Rowena turned out to be surprisingly knowledgeable about 17th century English politics.

Still, he’s taken all the history talk he can stand, especially after teaching it for four hours to a bunch of high schoolers with varying degrees of interest. 

He finds Daphne in one of the far booths, tucked away with Castiel and Dean, surprise, surprise. After snagging another beer at the bar, he slides in next to Daphne. “What’s up?” he asks the three of them.

“Hey,” Dean greets with a toast of his glass.

“Hello, Aaron.”

“Budge up, you’re taking like three quarters of the seat,” Daphne complains.

“Daph was just telling us about her plans to do a joint project between GSA and the Amnesty International club,” Dean says. “Cas says he’ll come to GSA next week.”

“Yeah?” Aaron asks as Castiel nods in confirmation. “That’s great! I’d go check it out, but the Debate club meets at the same time.”

Castiel frowns. “Maybe I should run a club? Daphne has Amnesty International, Dean runs GSA, and you have Debate.”

“You can always ask Jody about forming a new one in January,” Aaron says. “Honestly, the hardest part’ll be finding a time to meet. Don’t go for afterschool Thursdays, or Benny will kick your ass.”

“Why?”

“He has his cooking club,” Dean says with a grin. “And, like, half the student body goes. I sometimes go and help out too, if he needs extra hands.”

“You’ll go if he’s making pie,” Aaron corrects.

“It’s for the kids!” Dean protests over Castiel’s chuckles. “Benny’s got a lot of skills, but he has a lot to learn when it comes to pie. The kids need to know how to make a good pie.”

“If only to feed you later,” Aaron mutters.

“You’ll also want to avoid Tuesdays afterschool,” Daphne tells Castiel. “Jo’s self-defense club meets then, and it’s also got a large following.”

“Yeah, all the girls who wanna be like Jo sign up, and all the boys who want to see Jo all sweaty show up with semis,” Dean says with a shudder of revulsion.

Aaron kicks him under the table. “That’s sexist. How are you forgetting all the lesbians?”

“Ah, yes, can’t forget the lesbians,” Dean agrees sagely.

“Does this school have Model UN?” Castiel asks. “I was looking to set up a chapter at Carver before I switched positions.”

“No, we don’t,” Daphne says eagerly. “That’s an excellent idea.”

Dean drains the dregs of his beer. “I’m gonna get another, Cas? Daph? A-Game?”

Aaron rolls his eyes at the nickname. “I’m good,” he says, holding up his three-quarters full glass.

“Another cosmo, please?” Daphne asks.

“Sure.” Dean salutes.

“I’ll go with you,” Castiel says as Daphne’s face falls. “I need to stretch my legs.”

They leave, heads already bent together to hear each other over the dull roar of the party. “They seem close,” Aaron says, jerking his head.

Daphne sighs. “Yeah, they do,” she says morosely. She twirls her empty glass between her fingers. “Kelly’s given up on him. I think you might be right - he definitely has a thing for Dean.”

Aaron sips his beer. “I don’t blame him.”

“Of course you don’t,” Daphne says with a small grin, lightly kicking him under the table.

Before Aaron can think of anything else to say, Kelly appears over Daphne’s shoulder, her face flushed as it always gets when she drinks too much red wine. She slides into the side of the booth vacated by Dean and Castiel. “Some party, right? Did you see Garth doing shots?”

“No,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling. “And I don’t want to. I’ll stay here, out of the splash zone, thanks.”

Kelly giggles. “Why d’you think I’m over here instead of egging him on like Jo and Charlie.”

By the time Aaron finishes off the rest of his beer, Daphne’s still one cosmo short, and it’s been at least twenty minutes since he saw Dean and Castiel.

“Hey, I’ll go check up on that drink you’re waiting for,” Aaron says, getting to his feet.

“You sure?” Daphne asks, blinking hazily up at him. And okay, it’s probably good she had a breather between rounds.

“Yeah,” Aaron says, jerking his head towards the bar. “I need to piss anyway.”

“Gross,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling.

Kelly giggles, “If you think a little pee is gross, you don’t want to hear what Jack got up to with-”

Daphne actually places both hands over her ears and goes, “Na, na, na.”

Aaron leaves the pair of them laughing, with Kelly trying to pry Daphne’s hands away and Daphne getting louder with each tug.

He makes his way through the thinning crowd, waving to Eleanor when he spots her getting ready to leave and nodding to Charlie as she adjusts the empty shot glasses in front of her, Jo, and an impossibly red-faced Garth.

Aaron slides between the thinning crowd to duck out into the hallway leading to the bathrooms. As he gets closer to the men’s room, he slows. There are sounds coming from behind the door. Not like the pained bathroom sounds like Great Aunt Rachel gets after too much dairy. Porn sounds.

Aaron, torn between finding out who’s getting down and dirty at Donna’s surprise party, and getting Kelly and Daphne so they can witness the big reveal with him, is still rooted to the spot as the door bursts open and Castiel and Dean stumble out.

Cas’s hair is a bird’s nest of bedhead that would probably drop Daphne’s panties in a heartbeat. Dean’s cheeks are flushed, and Aaron definitely recognizes his immediate post-orgasm face.

“Fuck,” Dean swears as he finds his footing. He stares at Aaron, and Aaron stares right back.

“Aaron,” Castiel says breathlessly, temporarily drawing his attention. “You’re… here.”

“I had to pee,” Aaron says lamely.

“Oh, well, it’s all yours then,” Dean says, blushing to the roots of his hair as he gestures to the now available men’s room.

“Fuck no.” Aaron automatically recoils. There’s no way he’s touching any surface in that bathroom until it’s been scrubbed and bleached. He has some goddamn standards. He’d rather pee in the alley out back.

They linger awkwardly until Aaron speaks. He eyes the pair of them, his gaze ping-ponging back and forth. “So… you two are finally together?”

“Finally?” Dean echoes.

“Uh yeah,” Aaron says, confused. “Castiel clearly has a huge thing for you. Not to spill the beans or anything.”

A beat.

Dean cracks up.

Aaron, almost offended on Castiel’s behalf, opens his mouth as he catches sight of Castiel’s face, lips pressed tight together like he’s trying not to laugh. “You knew?”

Castiel slowly shakes his head as Dean leans on him for support, gasping for air. “Oh my god, Cas, that’s fucking embarrassing. D’you have a crush on me?”

“Shut up, Dean,” Castiel grumbles, shoving him off. To Aaron he says, “We’ve been dating for three years. He’s known about my feelings for a while now.”

“Oh,” Aaron says, drawing the syllable out as Dean composes himself.

“Jesus Christ,” Dean says, wiping at his eyes, “I thought I was going to give it all away, but turns out you’re just as obvious as you were in high school.”

Castiel sighs. “We were trying to not spread our relationship around.”

“Cas wanted to get settled in before people started saying he was my trophy husband,” Dean says with a wink.

Horror seizes Aaron. “You’re not married, are you?” he blurts. He glances down at their hands - no rings - and he would never forgive himself for missing something that obvious.

“No,” Castiel shakes his head, “we are only dating for now.”

“Not yet.”

Castiel turns to Dean in surprise, and Aaron really doesn’t need to be here for that conversation. “Oh-kay,” he says, sidling around them, “I still gotta,” he jerks his head towards the men’s room. 

“Right!” Dean says, grinning. “We should get back to the party. Say hi to Donna.”

Aaron makes his exit, sighing in relief as the door closes behind him. He should be fine if he doesn’t touch anything. Or look at any shiny surfaces too closely. Once upon a time, he lived with a dozen Alpha Epsilon Pi brothers. He can do this.

* * *

Daphne has had it up to here with her juniors. Yes, Homecoming is this weekend. No, their essays aren’t due until next week, but that doesn’t excuse their behavior this Friday afternoon. Nobody wants to be in class at a quarter to three. High school juniors don’t. Daphne sure as hell doesn’t. They can’t cut her a little slack?

When the bell finally rings, Daphne sighs in relief. She dismisses her class with a terse, “Aufiderzein.”

She gathers her files together, grumbling to herself about stupid staff meetings on Friday. It’s like Jody wants them to surreptitiously play games on their phones and text each other when she’s looking the other way or yelling at Rowena for blowing up the Chemistry Lab again. 

At least Benny always brings snacks from Thursday’s Cooking Club. 

Daphne glances at her watch. Jody gives them a half-hour to get their affairs in order, but Daphne doesn’t mind staking out her seat in the Teachers Lounge early. She can save spots for Kelly and Aaron and stake out the precious few non-wobbly chairs.

She stops by the Language Office, pleasantly surprised to find it empty. No Dean, Kelly, or Castiel in sight. Daphne quickly gathers her freshmen pop quizzes to grade this weekend and her copy of Die Verwandlung.

She rounds the final corner before the Teachers Lounge and stops dead. Because Aaron and Kelly are hovering outside the door and spying through the slim glass pane. Without her.

“What’s going on?” Daphne asks curiously.

“Ah!” Kelly whirls around, clutching her heart.

“Daphne!” Aaron says loudly. “What’re you doing here?”

“Saving us a seat for the meeting?” Daphne says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Like I do every month?”

Aaron and Kelly share a loaded look. Aaron is the first one to speak, “I think we’re good this time.”

“Why?” Daphne asks, stepping closer. She frowns as Kelly and Aaron automatically stand shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking her view of the narrow window.

“Students are in there,” Aaron blurts.

“Puking,” Kelly adds.

Daphne doesn’t believe them for a second. “And you’re just standing there watching it happen?”

“Schadenfreude?” Aaron tries. “It’s the mean ones. You know. The kids we don't like.”

Daphne rolls her eyes, pushing them aside and standing on her tiptoes to see.

“We tried,” Aaron grumbles to her right.

“They can’t fault us for that,” Kelly says to her left.

At first, it looks like the Teachers Lounge is empty. Most seats are unoccupied, and nobody’s loitering by the coffee machine. One of the tables is strewn with three mostly-empty mini pie tins. Cherry, by the color. Movement catches her eye, and, woah how did she miss that?

“No way,” she breathes, glancing at Aaron and Kelly for confirmation.

Aaron scuffing his shoes against the floor, nods sheepishly.

“They made me promise not to tell,” Kelly says ruefully, lips pursing. 

“Dean and Castiel?” Daphne gasps, squinting to better see Edlund High’s newest hire and favorite English teacher (no offense, Kelly) getting at it on the lumpy couch in the back that no one sat on because of this very reason.

She rounds on them. “You knew?” she hisses.

Kelly huffs an impatient sigh, blowing a few brown strands of hair out of her face. “I ran into them shopping together a few weeks ago.”

Aaron grimaces. “I nearly walked in on them having sex in the bathroom at Donna’s surprise party last weekend.”

Daphne blinks at the pair of them, hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kelly opens her mouth but no words come out.

“This is the first guy since Mark you showed an interest in,” Aaron rushes to say.

“We didn’t want to ruin it,” Kelly says.

Daphne’s eyes narrow. “And you didn’t think the fact that he’s clearly taken would ruin it?”

“I don’t know,” Kelly says, throwing her hands in the hair. “Sue us, we liked seeing you happy for however long it lasted!”

Daphne softens. 

“We thought,” Aaron says, glancing at Kelly for support, “You were getting over Castiel, anyway.”

A small, petty part of Daphne is tempted to deny it as punishment for keeping this from her. But mostly she’s relieved. “Yeah, mostly,” she mutters.

“So… we good?” Aaron tries.

Kelly loops her arm around her in a one-armed hug. “Of course we are.”

Daphne rolls her eyes. “Of course,” she echoes as Aaron pats her on the back, a wide grin spreading over his face. And, yeah, this is why she has the two best friends on Earth.

“What are you three up to?” 

The smile slides off Kelly’s face. “Jody!” she says, spinning around to meet their Principal, holding a paper cup of coffee, and trailed by what looks like half the Edlund High teachers.

Oh shit.

Aaron not-so-accidentally knocks his elbow, loudly, into the door as he turns to face Jody et al. “We didn’t see you there,” he says conversationally.

“Hm,” Jody hums as she reaches past them for the doorknob. “Meeting’s going to start in ten.”

“Can we make it fifteen?” Aaron asks desperately, shuffling to the side so he better blocks the way in.

Jody shakes her head, throwing him a bemused look. “I’m pretty sure everyone wants this started with and over as soon as possible.”

“If you need to urinate, Bass, do it now,” Rowena sniffs.

“I don’t-” Aaron starts, breaking off as Jody finally opens the door. 

She stops dead in her tracks.

“Jody!” Dean’s voice carries through the doorway, uncharacteristically high. “’S it time for the meeting already?”

Jo elbows her way to the front. “Goddammit,” she says, sounding completely unsurprised as she stands next to Jody. “Really, guys?”

The rest of the staff curiously filter in.

Behind Daphne, Benny surreptitiously slides Charlie a few bills, muttering, “I told them this was stupid.”

Charlie laughs. “But you still thought they’d last until Homecoming.”

“What can I say,” Benny says, shrugging, “I’m an optimist. And I was so close.”

Daphne meets Charlie’s eyes, asking in a low voice, “Did everyone know?”

Charlie see-saws her hand back and forth as they take their seats. “About half,” she says, glancing behind them to where Dean and Castiel are attempting to make themselves presentable. “Turns out, they’re really bad at keeping the whole ‘Destiel’ thing under wraps. It’s adorable they thought they could try.”

Daphne looks too, and there’s no mistaking what Dean and Castiel were doing. Their lips are swollen from kissing, and, weirdly, Castiel’s tie faces the right way. Daphne snorts. Probably because he didn’t tie it himself, for once.

Jody clears her throat. “Alright, settle down, guys,” she says with a sharp glare in Dean and Castiel’s direction. “As you all know, Homecoming is next weekend-”

* * *

Jody pinches the bridge of her nose. “Okay, that’s all that was on my agenda for today’s meeting-” she waits for the cheers to die down “but, Dean and Castiel, can you stay for a sec?”

Castiel visibly swallows.

Dean scowls.

Jody waits for the rest of the staff to leave.

Nobody moves a muscle.

“Jesus Christ,” Jody swears under her breath. She’s managing children. Horrible, gossipy children. “Okay, I guess everyone could use a refresher.” She clears her throat. “PDA is strictly discouraged among faculty. It’s in the goddamn handbook, people.”

“Really, Jody?” Dean complains.

“I’m not saying you can’t be in a relationship,” Jody says with a sharp look. “Just don’t… advertise it.”

“You got something against two dudes making out?” Dean demands, half-getting up from his seat.

“Of course not, you ass,” Jody says in a long-suffering voice, “I do have something against teenagers making out in every hallway and empty classroom, which they will if they see their two favorite teachers doing it.” She shakes her head. “If you want to hold hands or take an ad out in the school paper, be my guest.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Castiel says hesitantly, wasting no time in reaching for Dean’s hand.

“Plus,” Jody says loftily, “I’ve been dating Donna for six months, and you don’t see me dragging her into supply closets, do you?” And into the stunned silence, Jody stands up to leave.

There are various cries of, “Donna?”

Donna throws her hands in the air as Kelly, Daphne, and Aaron converge on her like piranhas tasting blood in the water. “Jeez Louise,” Donna grumbles, “a little warning wouldn’t kill ya, would it Jody-o?”

“Probaby,” Jody says, giving them all a jaunty salute. “Enjoy your weekends, everyone!”

#destiel fanfic #destiel #fanfic #teacher dean #teacher castiel #human au #teachers au #jody mills #outsider pov #the story of us verse #rae writes fic #profoundnet #secret relationship #but like the worst kept secret #so does it even really count #kelly kline #aaron bass #daphne allen

[will-o-the-witch]

Hey! I really like your blog. Please correct me if I’m wrong but you’re a polytheist and Jewish, right? How to do grapple (?) with those two things and do you have any advice for a non-Jewish (goyim?) person interested in converting to Judaism while still practicing Hellenic Polytheism- is that even possible? Thank you so much!

Hello hello! I’m going to break all my answers down into bullet points:

Correct, I am a polytheist Jew! I currently identify as a henotheist, meaning I recognize multiple/all deities but am personally choosing to only worship my one. 

I may have answered how I grapple above, but I personally found it easier to just stick with HaShem for now. That said, I know other Jewish polytheists who each have their own theological argument for what they do. Common points you may hear include “HaShem just has to be #1, no god before me and all that,” to “HaShem is the Universe/Everything, and deities are a part of that Universe/Everything.” 

I won’t say it’s impossible to convert while worshipping other deities, but it is highly unlikely you will find a Rabbi to oversee you under those conditions. I would recommend taking a look at why you want to convert to Judaism if you’re already practicing/happy with a religion that operates in a very different way. Not in an accusatory way, just in a “what am I looking to achieve?” kind of way. Conversion is a very long and intensive process that takes years of study and cultural immersion, so it’s not something that can be done on a whim and you want to make sure what you’re looking for is worth the effort and sacrifice (and the antisemitism you'll now be a target for) it takes to achieve it. 

Oh also! Editing to add: goyim is Yiddish and plural, if that helps. One goy, many goyim. This person is goyiche. You can also say gentile if that's easier to keep track of. :)

[addie-your-queen]

I Feel it, Can't You Feel it too?

"Can't you feel it, Davey?"

Davey closes his eyes, trying not to let the tears slip past, because, hell, he can feel it. He's felt it for a long time. And as much as he's tried to tell himself it isn't there, he knows it is.

~~~

"Are you asking me on a date, Jack Kelly?"

"I dunno," Jack said with a smile. "Are you saying yes?"

~~~

Davey is 15, Jack is 17, Sarah is 16, Kath is 17, and Charlie (Crutchie) is 14

Ship: Javid

Summary: Basically just Jack being in love with Davey and everyone knows it except him (: And also Jack interrupting everything Davey says.

Word Count: 2,295

Trigger Warnings: None

Read on AO3

Read on Wattpad

Jack lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. The door opened. Jack didn't even glance over.

"Hey sweetheart," Medda said softly.

"Hey."

"Whatcha thinking about?" she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling his head into her lap.

He stayed quiet for a while. Finally, he let out a sigh. "Mama?"

"What sweetheart?"

"Do you think... Am I good enough?"

"Of course you are, baby. What makes you say that?"

"Then how come no one likes me?"

"Plenty of people love you, Jack. I love you, your brother loves you, all your friends, like Race and Spot and Davey. They all love you too."

"But how come no one ever wants to go on a date with me? Did I do something wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong, baby. Maybe there is someone else their heart belongs to. Maybe they just aren't ready for dating anyone yet. There's so many good reasons they could have, Jack, you didn't do anything wrong. One day you will find the right person to love you, I promise."

"But how do I find my person, Mama?"

"It just takes time, sweetheart. I can't tell you how to find them. You just have to let it happen. And when you do, you'll feel it in your heart. You'll know they're your person."

Jack sighed, looking up at her.

"You want to know my best piece of advice?"

Jack nodded.

"Sometimes, Jack," she said, "you can be so caught up in something new and spectacular that you forget what's been right in front of you the whole time."

"Who are you talking about? Who's the person right in front of me? Please tell me, Mama."

She smiled. "You will have to figure that out for yourself, my love."

He sighed. "Mama? Can you sing to me?"

She pushed the hair off his forehead and out of his eyes. "Of course, baby."

It's been a while since Jack has fallen asleep to Medda's singing. But lying with his head in her lap, her hand in his hair, he wondered why he ever stopped.

...

"Morning, Mama," Jack said, walking into the kitchen.

"Morning, Jack. Breakfast will be ready in a minute."

"Thanks, you're the best," he said, kissing her cheek and reaching around her for a glass. He held the glass under the tap for a minute.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Good," he said dismissively. "Where's Charlie?"

"He's still asleep."

"Oh. Want me to wake him up?"

"No," Medda said. "Let him sleep. I'll call into school if he isn't awake in time."

Jack sits at the table as she sets a plate of pancakes down in front of him. He eats them thinking about their conversation last night.

"Mama?"

"What baby?"

"What's it like to be in love?"

"It's not really something I can explain, sorry Jack. All I can really say is they will make you feel loved. They will make you happy. It's really hard to put into words. Sorry I couldn't be of more help."

"Oh. Thanks Mama."

"You're welcome, sweetheart."

Jack rinses his plate and puts it in the dishwasher. "I should go," he said, grabbing his backpack and keys from a hook by the wall and pocketing his wallet. "Bye Mama."

"Bye Jack. Don't forget you're driving Davey here this afternoon."

"I know," he called over his shoulder. "Just like every other day."

...

His friends always liked to come early to school, to hang out in the school newspaper room.

As he pulled up into a parking space, he spotted Davey getting out of Sarah's car. She didn't usually hang out with the rest of them before school, so she used the time to catch up on homework.

"Morning, Davey!" Jack said, falling into step beside him, the familiar fluttering feeling exploding inside him.

"Morning Jack."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

Jack rolled his eyes and continued. "You're smart right?"

"I mean, I wouldn't say-"

"Great!" Jack cut him off. "Mama was speaking in riddles again. I need your help."

"Oh um, okay."

"She told me that there is someone who has been right in front of me the whole time that might be my person."

"Well-"

"And she wouldn't tell me who."

"Maybe..." Davey paused, waiting to see if Jack was going to cut him off. "Sarah Maybe. Or Kath. That's all I can think of."

"No, she said it wasn't anyone I've dated. Or asked out, I guess."

"Oh I... I don't know who else it might be then."

Jack narrowed his eyes at him. He didn't sound like he was being completely honest, but what reason would Davey have to lie to him?

"Hey Davey?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever been in love? Like, really in love, not just a stupid crush."

"I..." he trailed off. "Yeah," he said softly. "I have."

"What's it like?"

"It's really hard to explain."

"That's what Mama said," Jack said with a frustrated sigh.

"I can try-"

"It's fine, Davey, really."

"Why you asking anyway? Think you might be in love with someone?"

"I dunno," Jack said. "I just figure that since Mama thinks there's someone in love with me or something, that maybe I was in love with them too, and didn't know it. (Jack, honey, you're so close, just- *frustrated screams even tho I'm the author*)

Neither of them said anything else, as Davey reached for the door handle, swinging it open wide enough for the both of them to step inside the school. The walk to the newspaper club meeting room was a quiet one. Opening the door though, they were greeted with the usual morning chaos that resulted from being friends with the Newsies, as they called themselves.

...

Jack was usually bursting with conversation on the ride home, but today he seemed lost in thought. The two of them sat in comfortable silence for a while.

"I'll tell you," Davey said finally.

"What?"

"You wanted to know what it was like to be in love. I'll tell you."

"You sure? I thought you said-"

"I'm sure, Jack." He closed his eyes as if trying to imagine what it was like to be around whoever it was. "It feels almost- almost unreal. Like maybe I'm just imagining everything, and I'm going to wake up at any minute. It makes me feel... like I am on top of the world. Holding their hand, hearing their laugh, seeing their smile, makes me feel all warm inside. Being in the same room as them always gives me these stupid butterflies." He opened his eyes again, looking over at Jack. "That's the best I can explain. Sorry, that wasn't very good," he apologized.

"It's fine," Jack said. "That was actually really good. Thanks." Well, he definitely wasn't in love with Kath or Sarah or anyone he had dated before.

"You're welcome." It was barely a whisper.

"Tell me about them. About the person you are in love with. They sound like they make you really happy." He pushed away that stupid fluttering feeling.

Davey took a deep breath. "They do," he said. He paused for a moment. "Well, they have really beautiful, almost honey colored eyes and-"

"I don't think anyone could have eyes even half as pretty as yours, Davey," Jack interrupted.

"My eyes ain't pretty, Jackie," Davey said softly. Jack tried not to think about how cute he found it when Davey slipped into his accent.

"Course they is, Davey," he said. "Prettiest I've ever seen."

Davey looked down at his lap.

"Anyway," Jack said, "continue."

"Um," Davey said quietly. He sounded unsure of himself. Jack took a hand off the wheel, reaching over to grab Davey's hand, weaving their fingers together. He flinched a little before continuing. "They have really pretty golden hair and there's always this once piece that I really want to fix. And they have one of those smiles that you just can't help but smile too. I could see for hours staring at his smile and..." Neither of them seemed to realize the slip up of pronouns. "... And they are the kindest person I ever met. They're too kind for their own good really. They'd do anything for their friends at barely a moment's notice. Sometimes I think they are a little too self sacrificing to be healthy. And they're really sweet to me, even though they don't know I'm in love with them." The last part is barely audible.

"They sound really amazing," Jack says, squeezing Davey's hand.

"Yeah," Davey says, his eyes flicking up to Jack for a split second. "They are."

...

Later that night, after Davey had left, Jack sat at the kitchen table, homework spread out in front of him while Medda flitted around the kitchen preparing dinner. Though the homework was in front of him, he wasn't thinking of it, but rather the conversation he had had earlier in the car.

"Mama?"

"Hmm?"

"What's it like to be in love?" He knew he had already asked, but may as well try again.

"I already told you, baby, it's really not something I could put into words."

"That's what Davey said."

Medda smiled knowingly.

"Mama?"

"What sweetheart?"

"Is Davey in love with me?"

"You will have to ask him that, dear."

He considers all that Davey and Medda had told him. True, he had never felt that way about any of those girls but....

"Mama?"

"Yes, Jack?"

"I think I'm in love with him."

"Ah," Medda said, smiling.

"Every time I got that stupid feeling- it was butterflies and holding his hand and seeing his stupidly pretty eyes and-" he looks up to see Medda still smiling.

"You knew, didn't you?"

"Well I-"

Jack leapt up from the table, papers spilling onto the floor. Medda gave him an odd look. He sprinted up the stairs, bolting into his room. "Hey," he said to a confused Charlie, emerging from his room.

"Hi?"

Jack was back down the stairs in seconds, grabbing his keys and a jacket, fumbling to put it on as he unlocked the door.

"I'll be back for dinner," he called, finally opening the door and rushing out.

"Jack close the d-"

He was already gone.

Medda sighed, going to close the door before returning to her cooking. "That boy," she said, shaking her head.

...

Jack hastily parked his car, running into the apartment building, up a flight of stairs, and down the hallway, pounding furiously on the Jacobs' door.

"Dear heavens!" Mrs. Jacobs exclaimed. "David, get the door please."

Davey opens the door to find Jack, breathing like he just ran a marathon.

"Davey!" he pants. "Who is it?" he says between breaths.

Davey looked confused.

"Who are you in love with?"

Davey looked down at his feet. "Oh. I-"

Jack's eyes frantically search his features, looking for something, anything, that will tell him what he needs to know.

Mrs. Jacobs appeared over Davey's shoulder. "Hello, Jack, dear," she said. "Do come in."

Jack seems to suddenly realize he's been standing in the open doorway this whole time. "Oh, sorry," he said.

"No problem," she said. "But why don't you come in and close the door."

Jack steps inside, and Mrs. Jacobs closes the door behind him. Jack grabs a still frozen Davey's arm, pulling him in the direction of his room.

"Please, Davey," he says, shutting Davey's door. "Just tell me who it is."

Davey lets out a shaky breath, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his hands into fists. He knew Jack wasn't going to wait much longer. He takes another shaky breath. Be brave, he told himself. That's what Sarah's always telling you. Be brave. "It's you," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. Be brave. "It's you," he says again, a little louder. "I'm sorry," he says.

Jack lets out a sigh of relief. "Can I- can I kiss you?"

Davey inhales sharply, stepping back. "Don't just- don't just say that because you feel bad for me."

Jack laughed. "Davey, I don't feel bad for you. Every time I held your hand, every time I called you pretty... Why do you think I wanted to know so bad what it was like to be in love?" He stepped forward, taking Davey's hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over the back of his knuckles. "Can't you feel it, Davey?"

Davey closes his eyes, trying not to let the tears slip past, because, hell, he can feel it. He's felt it for a long time. And as much as he's tried to tell himself it isn't there, he knows it is.

"Don't you get it?" Jack says, reaching to brush a tear from his cheek. "I'm in love with you, Davey."

Davey doesn't even realize he's crying, until Jack's hands are on his face, gently wiping away the tears. And suddenly he's kissing Jack, clumsily pressing his lips to Jack's, Jack almost stumbling back in surprise.

Davey doesn't know what he's doing. He's never kissed anyone before. All he knows is he's in Jack's arms, kissing him, and he feels safe. He feels loved. And he never wants it to end.

But far too soon, Jacks pulling away, resting his forehead against Davey's. "God, Davey," he breaths, "I'm just so damn in love with you."

Davey shoves him, and suddenly they're both laughing, because Jack sounded so serious and intimate, and Davey's shoving him because he should say 'God' like that and he shouldn't 'swear' either, and it's really not all that funny, but there in that moment, it really is.

When they've finally composed themselves, Jack's pulling Davey close to him again, kissing him softly. "So," he said. "How bout I take you to dinner on Friday?"

"Are you asking me on a date, Jack Kelly?"

"I dunno," Jack said with a smile. "Are you saying yes?"

#I just realized I never posted this #because no one on here follows my wattpad or ao3 #I don't believe #anyway #here it is #92sies #livesies #newsies #jack kelly #david jacobs #davey jacobs #javid #medda larkson #medda larkin #crutchie morris

[absurdthirst]

Hi, Keri! This is the anon who was struggling with orgasming through masturbation. I just wanted to let you and all of your lovely followers know that I saw and read every single suggestion and response to my post, and I’m so thankful for all of them. I’m definitely goi go to take a look into that book someone recommended (becoming cliterate) and takethe other suggestions as well. I just wanted to let you all know how grateful I am for all of you guys’ advice, support, and encouragement. It reassured me that I wasn’t alone in this and realize getting to the big O may take time. But I do appreciate your love and support, esp. for those of you who reassured me that (1) I’m not broken because of it, and (2) the right partner won’t run away from it.

And thank you so much, Keri, for always providing us this safe space to submit our questions and for real talk. I can’t tell you how much having this space has meant to me. 💕

Yes!!! I love that you are going delve into the book and I hope it helps! I love being able to talk about things like this openly. Sometimes too much? 😂 but it’s always easier to know that others have the same issues.

💞💞💞

#real talk

[tzipporahssong]

Hi, sorry if you're the wrong person to ask about this. But I don't know how to have a conversation with my mom about her judaica collection.

She's goy, I'm a convert but she only recently found out about that.

Most of the stuff she owns I think she could own respectfully even though its weird for her to own 3 seder dishes as somebody who had no connection to judaism until I converted which I also can't have or borrow. But the problem is that she doesn't treat all of the items in her collection with respect and some I just feel she shouldn't collect.

She has several kosher mezuzot sitting on a shelf (which, they were made for a purpose and not for collectors), and a shofar she let my sister use for DnD and now doesn't know where it is. It makes me very uncomfortable, and she doesn't really seem to take my faith seriously either and jokes that I'm collecting minorities because I'm queer and jewish. I don't know how to talk to her about this without it being a fight... or if I should plunge on even though she'll get defensive about it.

Her collection started when she used to teach an adult theology class when she was a mormon but has grown over time.

Talk about goyim annoyim. That is some capital BS Bull Shit. My advice (other than start throwing hands–seriously I have a pillowcase and some batteries and if you send me her address I am happy to start swinging) would be to find some articles online or scholarly bits about their source, purpose, and their sacredness, and send them to her. That way you can confront her without putting yourself directly in the line of fire and hopefully she can learn something from a more official source which she may respect more than just your perspectives.

I am so sorry you have to put up with this shit. My own goyish mother drives me up the wall, albeit she hasn’t pulled anything quite this bad. Feel free to reach out whenever you’d like for advice or just to vent <3

#judaism #jumblr #asks #anon #jew by choice #goyim annoyim #Anonymous

[dragons-bones]

FFXIV: Quantum Shenanigans

Or, Baby ‘Buncles Break Physics (and Mom)

A/N: IT’S DONE AND JUST IN TIME.

Rating: T Word Count: 4009 Warnings: Mild spoilers for 5.1 MSQ and the Chronicles of the New Era side story Sorrow of Werlyt Cross-posted to AO3

--

“This is an abomination,” Nero snarled, flipping from what little Synnove and Krile had managed to put together of the Arch Ultima to the ones on the ravaged Ruby Weapon on a tablet. He was sitting at a heavy iron table in one of the Ironworks’s myriad workshops, fidgeting back and forth in one of the wheeled chairs Biggs had welded together on a whim one day, the chair swaying half an ilm side to side. “Absolutely repulsive. Of course the VIIth is involved somehow, that legion has always been full of lunatics.”

He was already ducking out of the way of Synnove’s hand, making to smack him upside the head for the pun, but it left him open to Cid’s hard flick against his temple. Nero yelped at the sting and pointed accusatorily at the other Garlean, yelling, “Hypocrite!”

Dancing Heron, knitting a shawl in the corner of the lab, pointedly cleared her throat.

The trio of scientists glanced over at her and then back at the tablet, subsiding into mostly-good behavior—for the time being.

Nero poked at one of the diagrams on the screen with a ferocious scowl, pinching his fingers together and then flicking them wide to expand the tiny line of code to magnification by five. He held up the tablet, nose practically against the screen as he stared at the close up of part of the recovered code from the Ruby Weapon, his eyes squinting half closed and tracking back and forth as he processed it. “Ah,” he finally said after long moments, “there it is.”

Both Synnove and Cid leaned closer—Synnove over Nero’s left shoulder, Cid over the right—and Nero pulled his head back to give them room, pointing at a small section on the screen with his pinkie finger.

“With most the Weapon melted slag and what remains of the code a scrambled nightmare, it’s hard to tell precisely what swiving nonsense they’ve wrought with my schematics of the original Ultima Weapon, but that isn’t anything either the Allagans had or what I added,” said the former tribune, voice grim.

Cid drummed his fingers on the worktable as he stared at the glowing code. “That looks eerily similar to what we managed to recover of Aulus mal Asina’s unique brand of horror,” he said. “Reversed, of course, since it certainly doesn’t seem like the Ruby Weapon’s oversoul system was ever intended for the pilot to survive.”

“Well, in order to implant the memory of an individual, one has to extract it from somewhere,” drawled Synnove. “But it’s similar to the Ultima Weapon’s coding for absorbing primals, as well. So: did the VIIth manage to get their hands on mal Asina’s research; did they reverse engineer Nero’s notes; or did they come up with it independently? None of these options are particularly comforting.”

(Over in the corner, next to Heron, Tyr suddenly jerked awake from his doze, a small *hic!* escaping him at the same time as his eyes crossed. Heron paused in her knitting and peered down at him, raising her eyebrows.)

“Either way, the results are revolting,” Nero said with palpable disgust. “Forcibly downloading and uploading souls at a whim, who would condone such a thing?”

“You would!” Cid and Synnove snapped in unison.

“The Praetorium,” Synnove said, jabbing Nero in the kidney with her finger. He yelped and jammed his elbow into her stomach, or tried to, as Synnove was already dancing out of range as she continued: “I distinctly recall you waxing poetic about adding mine and my sisters’ power to the Ultima Weapon!”

(Tyr reared up from his loaf shape to sit on his hindlegs; Heron, leaning over him, jerked back in surprise. The topaz carbuncle stared down at his stomach and carefully poked it with one paw.

Poke. Poke poke poke. Pooooooooke.

A deeply perturbed little nya? escaped him as he did.)

Nero paused and set down the tablet, then pressed his forefinger against his lips as he searched his memory. “…So I did,” he said at last, grudgingly. “Not my finest moment, descending into full on megalomaniacal mad scientist stereotype.”

“That implies you ever rose from the state in the first place,” Cid muttered. And then wheezed out a curse while doubling over and clutching at his stomach; Nero had taken advantage of Cid’s momentary distraction to ram his bony elbow into the other Garlean’s abdomen.

A ball of shimmering copper wool-and-silk yarn bounced off the side of Nero’s head. Synnove cackled and plucked the ball out of the air, and, without looking, threw it back to Heron. Nero, meanwhile, grumbled wordlessly, but tucked his elbows in and folded his arms across his chest.

(As Heron dropped the yarn back into her bag of sundries, Tyr slowly lowered his front paws to the floor to properly sit, blinking slowly as he did. He looked up at Heron and let out a quiet, very bewildered maow.)

“I am ruthless, not cruel,” Nero growled. “The Ultima Weapon absorbs entities in whole, yes, and I cannot say what happens to those entities while they are held within Ultima. But this?” He gestured to the tablet. “This is—this is using people as little more than batteries, in the most disgusting, agonizing way possible, likely for no other reason that I can discern except that it was likely the easiest way to—to do whatever the sodding hells it is the Legion wants to do. For all the shite I give the pair of you about your standard of ethics, I do have standards, and this is still a gross perversion of science and an unconscionable lack of morality.”

Silence settled on the workshop. Synnove, Cid, and Heron all just looked at Nero with various shades of bemusement.

Nero shifted uneasily, flicking his gaze from Cid, to Synnove, to Heron, and back to Cid to repeat the cycle. Finally. “…What?”

“I’m impressed, Nero,” Cid said. A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth and he leaned back against the workbench to look at Nero with shrewd blue eyes. “You’ve actually matured. I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Bathe in ceruleum, Garlond.”

“Choke on a lug wrench, Scaeva.”

HI MOMMY!

Synnove shrieked and jumped a fulm in the air, clutching her chest. Nero shoved his chair back to get away from the flailing Highlander, so quickly he rolled over his own toes, and he made a garbled, choked off sound of wordless agony. Cid didn’t have time to get out of the way himself and ended up taking the backrest of the chair into his already abused stomach, knocking the wind from him with another wheeze. Heron did not drop her needles, despite also jumping, but only because a lifetime of friendship with Rereha had trained her otherwise. Tyr jumped to all four feet with a thud!, fur bristling as his gaze darted around the room for a possible threat.

All five gazes swung around to one of the other iron tables in the workshop, the one upon which Synnove had unceremoniously dropped her gear when she and Heron and Tyr had arrived.

Poking out of Synnove’s ubiquitous hip pouch, the flap still buckled shut so that their faintly iridescent heads were forced to stick out from opposite sides, ears twitching in delight and dark eyes huge with glee and utterly heedless of the minor chaos they had wrecked upon the workshop, were Amandina and Roksana.

“What in the—girls, where did you even come from?!” Synnove said, scurrying over to them. She undid the buckle and, now with room to move, the twins tumbled out of the bag with high-pitched giggles.

Hi Mommy hi Mommy hi Mommy hi Mommy hi Mommy, they chanted continuously, leaping into her arms and snuggling close, their six tails between wriggling frantically.

“Synnove,” Cid said, still breathless as he forced himself to stand upright with a wince, “I know you can be more than a little single-minded when you’re on a tear, but surely even you should have noticed two baby carbuncles that have stuffed themselves into one of your pouches.

“This is the one with the void storage metafold,” Synnove hissed, turning around. She was supporting the twins’ chests with her hands and the rest of their bodies along her forearms; Amandina was in her right hand, Roksana in the left. Amandina gently headbutted Synnove’s chin, while Roksana looked around the workshop excitedly.

Cid’s face went blank in the manner that usually preceded him asking a question he would wish he had not in fact asked at all once he had the answer: “…Void storage metafold?”

“Yes,” Synnove said primly, bouncing the twins in her arms. They giggled. “It’s based on the one Khebi built for Carby, though the structure’s internal area is only about three square fulms instead of…whatever nightmare area Carby’s is. All you have to do to make one is calculate the Cartesian coordinates in four dimensions rather than three, then fold the aether along the proper axes and—”

Cid’s eyes were becoming suspiciously glassy.

“—Nero, kick him.”

Nero, using his non-injured foot, immediately did so in Cid’s shin while wearing a gleefully malicious grin. Cid shouted.

“Such an example to set,” Heron said, deadpan.

“Girls?”

The carbunclets chittered together, When Mommy is being petty, we should use it as an example of poor behavior and not emulate it!

“Good girls!”

Amandina and Roksana cheered.

(Wish Mama would take her own advice, Tyr grumbled. Heron made a sympathetic noise and patted him on the head.)

“What the hells was that even for?” Cid said, leaning back up against the work table to pick up his leg and rub his injured shin.

“Your eyes glazed over as I went on a brief aetherology tangent!” Synnove bellowed. (The twins made oooooooo Uncle Cid’s in trouble~ noises.) “I will not have it! You might be an engineering protoyping savant, but your aetherology theory is shite! You have lived in Eorzea for fifteen bloody years, learn some!”

“Your grand idea for overcoming the first line of aetheric defenses of the Crystal Tower was to throw a bloody rock at it.”

“It has been four years, are you ever going to stop harping about that?”

“No!” Nero and Synnove snapped in unison.

“Tangent!” Heron bellowed.

Nero and Synnove grumbled but settled. Cid began the motion of a particularly rude gesture, stopped, and looked at the twins. The twins blinked at him curiously. Cid dropped his hand and crossed his arms with a scowl.

“In any event,” Synnove said, “I left the twins with Khebi and Rere to babysit—stop looking at me like that, you two, Halulu was supervising—and teleported to Revenant’s Toll directly from my office.”

Now she twisted her wrists to turn the carbunclets around to face herself, and Synnove’s expression morphed into exasperated affection as the babies beamed at her. “I waved to you!” she said to them. “You waved back! How did you two get here?!”

We missed you, Mommy! said Amandina.

So, we decided to come find you! said Roksana.

And we tunneled! the black pearl carbuncle peeped excitedly, puffing out her chest in pride.

Yeah! the white pearl carbuncle said, mirroring her sister.

Synnove’s expression melted into faint confusion. The workshop was quiet for a few moments as they all stared at the twins in various degrees of bafflement.

“…Tunneled?” said Synnove, at last.

Yeah! From Elder Cousin!

To your hip pouch!

Synnove’s face blanked. Nero went white, jaw sagging open. Cid’s eyes widened to practically the size of teacup saucers.

Heron and Tyr exchanged bewildered looks.

“Before I say anything else,” said Nero, voice faint as he turned to look at Heron, “is ‘Elder Cousin’ who I think it is?”

“If you mean A’khebica’s Carby,” Heron said slowly, “then yes.”

“Shite,” Nero hissed.

(The twins gasped and covered their mouths with their paws. Bad word!)

“Carby’s a good boy,” Synnove said automatically, the tone of someone who had made the argument before and likely would again. “He’s strange, but he’s a good boy.”

Cid looked at her incredulously. “Just last week you were screaming about having to rummage in his void storage again for your aether chalk and how he was gnawing on your shoulder in retaliation!”

“Carby is not a good boy, Carby is halfway between a constructor-kit outer entity and an unshackled artificial intelligence.”

“He’s not that bad.”

“Yes he is!” Cid and Nero snapped in unison.

“At least Carby understands ethics,” Heron muttered under her breath. Tyr snickered next to her. Then, louder, Heron said: “Tangent.”

“Fine,” Synnove hissed. She closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose slowly; she held the breath for a few heartbeats, then let it out for the same count. When she opened her eyes, she immediately focused on the girls blinking up at her. “You tunneled. From Carby’s void storage metafold to the one in my hip pouch.”

Yes! the girls said.

We got a bit mixed up at first, though, Roksana said, ears drooping.

Yeah, said Amandina. We almost ended up in Tyr instead.

Tyr boofed, flabbergasted, his ears pricked completely upright in shock. That was YOU?

Synnove twitched.

Often as they had traveled through Azys Lla, the quartet of Warriors of Light had come across Allagan nodes glitching, five thousand years of constant functionality having degraded their circuits and systems. One type of cascading error turned the nodes’ vocalizations into a mess of garbled static, the pitch changing mid-word from high and piercing to low and growling, or vice versa. Listening to them had frequently led to the group gritting their teeth as the sounds dug into their minds and scratched like broken orchestrions.

Heron, Nero, Cid, Tyr, and the twins watched the visual equivalent of that noise happen on Synnove’s face. And in the case of Nero and Cid, it was occurring on their own faces, too.

“How?” Synnove said eventually, voice tight with tension.

Amandina and Roksana looked at one another. Amandina flicked an ear, the movement briefly iridizing the black fur on the appendage into deep purple. Roksana shrugged her shoulders, her own white fur momentarily shifting blue and then back. They looked back up at their mama.

We…pushed?

“Pushed.”

Well, first we accessed Elder Cousin’s metafold! Amandina said.

(Nero made a strangled noise of utter horror. Cid slowly slid down the side of the worktable to sit on the floor, knees bent and staring into the middle distance.)

Then we had to orient ourselves, said Roksana. That took a little bit. Elder Cousin’s metafold is very big!

We found Auntie Rere, too, Amandina whispered conspiratorially. We were playing hide and seek earlier. Elder Cousin said he had helped her.

Synnove closed her eyes and bit down on her lip, a snorting snicker briefly escaping her before she regained her self-control. Heron didn’t even bother to maintain the illusion of dignity, merely threw back her head and laughed from deep in her belly; Tyr, meanwhile, simply laid down on the floor and sighed heavily, covering his head with his paws. Nero made another horrified noise. Cid just wheezed.

Elder Cousin helped us, too! He told us about [subspatial aetheric sympathy tension paths].

Synnove froze. Her golden bronze skin had developed a worrying grey cast to it. “Say that again,” she breathed.

Roksana blinked. What? [Subspatial aetheric sympathy tension paths]?

The method by which all of Synnove’s carbuncles communicated with the people they and their mama generally liked wasn’t actual speaking, not with vocal cords and aspirated sounds to form words. Instead, they matched their aetheric harmonics with those of the individuals around them, with the end result being that the combination of the sounds they made, the body language they used, and the intent they held were “translated” into something the Spoken mind translated as “speech.” Most people initially found it odd, but quickly adapted.

This, however, wasn’t that.

Whatever Roksana had tried to tell her mama had…blanked. The concept was too big, too alien, too what the absolute swiving fuck for a meat brain in three dimensions to comprehend without shutting down as a defensive tactic to preserve sanity. But the little carbunclet still spoke, and whatever it was she had said had been further translated into a strange and obvious two-toned overlay of something that wasn’t quite right, but close enough.

Very slowly, Synnove turned her head to look at Nero, practically frothing at the mouth and his hands curled into claws as he grasped at air, and Cid, now aggressively cuddling a wrench he had gotten from one of his pockets like it was a comfort object. Deliberately, with precise enunciation, the arcanist said, “Please tell me I am not the only one who is hearing that harmonic as an approximation and not whatever it is my child is actually saying.”

“I know what those words mean individually,” Cid said. His grip on his wrench was white-knuckled. “I may even know what those words mean together. I am not ready to accept that. And I am most assuredly not ready to know whatever it is they are actually attempting to convey.”

“Blargle,” Nero agreed.

Synnove looked back at the twins. “Continue,” she said. The corner of her left eye kept spasming.

Sooooooo, Amandina began, once we knew where to go and how to sense the other metafolds based on Elder Cousin’s metafold—

“They sensed it?!” Nero yelled, outrage finally returning his ability to use vocabulary. He pushed himself upright and staggered over to Synnove and the twins, raking his hands through his hair. “How in the hells are they able to sense similarly constructed aetheric metafolds when each one is a distinct pocket dimension?!” He suddenly leaned down so he was nose to nose with the twins, frowning severely and blue eyes glimmering with suspicion. In a quieter, but no less manic tone of voice: “How in the hells are you able to sense similarly constructed aetheric metafolds when each one is a distinct pocket dimension?”

Dunno, Uncle Nero, Amandina chirped, wiggling her ears, her fur iridizing back and forth between black and purple once more.

Just can! said Roksana. She reached out and very carefully booped his nose.

Nero’s eyes crossed, staring at the white pearl carbunclet’s paw. He drew back with a huff—but booped her nose in turn, and then Amandina’s. The twins peeped happily.

“And then you pushed,” Cid said from his place on the floor.

Yeah!

It was easy!

It tickled!

And then we were here!

Synnove gazed sightlessly at the far wall, green eyes huge and unblinking. She untwisted her wrists and tucked the girls up against her chest, where they snuggled close. “My babies had a conversation about aetherospatial metaphysics with Carby,” she said in disbelief. “While they were inside his metafold.”

“Before they broke the laws of everything we know about physics and aetherophysics and quantum mechanics and traveled through space-time because they missed you,” Cid helpfully added.

“Congratulations,” Nero said icily. “You have mothered two more constructor-kit outer entities. If the fabric of reality unravels any time soon, I am blaming you.”

Yaaaaaaaaaaay! the twins cheered. The air popped and a bright light flashed between them, and suddenly aetheric confetti in a rainbow of pearlescent hues floated through the air, the pieces dissipating as they landed.

Synnove dropped her gaze to her youngest carbuncles, amused exasperation briefly flitting across her features once more. Nero and Cid also looked at the carbunclets, though without the amusement on their parts. Then the three scientists looked at one another.

And, finally, the hysterical yelling commenced.

--

Heron let them go at it for a while, finishing up her shawl and casting on a new one with the pretty copper wool-and-silk she had earlier thrown at Nero. After nearly a full bell of non-stop shouting, Biggs and Wedge arrived to investigate, and were dragged into the hysteria once they parsed through the trio talking over one another.

She did not even pretend to understand anything. There was quite a bit about aetherophysics and aetherology that she had picked up simply from knowing Synnove for so many years, but this was far beyond her ken. A few phrases stood out of the verbal melee (“quantum tunneling,” “Keltgeim’s absolutely ludicrous fringe theory about particles,” “aetheric entanglement”), but otherwise it was all Allagan to her.

At the two bell mark, however, with no sign of any of them slowing down, the Hellsguard decided it was time to call in reinforcements.

“Go get Jessie, please,” Heron quietly said to Tyr, “and tell her to bring the hose.”

Tyr boofed, amused. Yes, Aunt Heron! He stood and trotted for the workshop door, disappearing around it with a flick of his tails. The twins waved after him.

Heron eyed the group of frantically yelling nerds and reached up to her linkpearl cuff. She tapped a specific ‘pearl and leaned back in her chair as she waited for the other end to pick up.

A soft click echoed in her ear, and a familiar warm tenor came over the line. “Good afternoon, Heron,” said Aymeric. “What trouble has Synnove gotten into now?”

She probably should start calling her baby sister’s beau for reasons other than ‘come pick her up,’ but today was not that day. “She’s involved in a five-way discussion here at the Ironworks about theoretical physics that may not in fact be as theoretical as previously thought,” she said. “Please come pick her up.”

“Quite a lively discussion, then, as I can hear it,” the Lord Commander said drily. “On a scale of, created a more efficient theorem, to, about to write an “in response to” article rebutting a Thavnairian mathematician, just how manic is she?”

Heron hummed thoughtfully and turned to look over at the yelling scientists. Synnove was alternating with keeping Amandina and Roksana tucked close to her chest and gesticulating wildly with her hands with the twins still in her grasp, the babies going wheeeeeeee! every time with the later. Nero was pulling at his hair and so wild-eyed that she was becoming mildly concerned his eyes would actually pop from his head; her Echo was softly pinging in the way that meant Nero had lost his grasp on Eorzean Common somewhere in his tirade and had slid back into Garlean. Cid had his face in his hands, only raising his head to shout something in incomprehensible technobabble before dropping it back into his palms. Biggs and Wedge weren’t even coherent, with Wedge’s hands flailing so hard they were blurring.

But they all, each and every one but very especially Synnove, had a spark in their eyes that she well knew was going to mean trouble for someone in the near future. Hopefully just Jessie and Thubyrgeim.

“Once she’s calmed down?” Heron said into the linkpearl. “She’ll be at, rewriting the laws of reality.”

Something clattered on the other end of the line—a teacup, more than likely—and Aymeric swore softly, then sighed heavily. “Give me half a bell and I’ll be there to take her home.”

“Thank you,” said Heron cheerfully. “See you soon! Oh, and bring a towel.”

“Ah, hells. At least you warned me this time.” The ‘pearl line closed with a click.

And that was when Jessie entered the workshop, a firehouse braced at her hip. She waved to Heron, and the Hellsguard grabbed her knitting sundries bag and loped for the door.

The twins looked over, pricking their ears, then exchanged a glance. They nodded, and proceeded to wiggle free of Synnove, who was so deep in argument that she didn’t notice her hands emptying. Amandina landed lightly on her feet, but Roksana hit the floor with a soft plop! Her sister grabbed her scruff in her teeth and helped yank Roksana upright, and then the pair were scrambling for the safety of Heron, who scooped them up outside the shop door and dropped the carbunclets into her yarn bag.

With no collateral to worry about, Jessie turned on the hose.

#final fantasy xiv #spoilers #ffxiv spoilers #nero scaeva #cid garlond #oc: synnove greywolfe #oc: dancing heron #synnove's carbuncles #aymeric de borel #aymeric x wol #aymeric x synnove #also yes synnove's hip pouch is basically a bag of holding just with weight limitations #dt's writing

[poc-movie-supremacy]

Watcher AU: Cryptids

How Steven Lim, guardian angel, befriended Ryan Bergara, Adam Bianchi, and finally Andrew Ilnyckyj (Shane and Jake Bergara to an extent as well)

look @mousemadej I finally did it!

*Steven is an angel, but not the typical type of Angel. Some traits were taken from the bible and some from what general pop culture describes as angel to make one Steven Angel. I should add though, I mention that Steven has a flaming sword. In the bible the angel guarding the garden of eden was gifted a flaming sword by God to guard it. I decided to take that element and just say fuck it all guardian angels have it now.

-----

He remembers being a young angel and hearing whispers of a new, special angel. About his age, this angel had jet black hair, soft almost sad brown eyes, and jet black wings. He had no halo, no glow, no blinding white wings. Instead he had red eyes, sharp claws, and big open heart. As someone with a big heart too, it was friendship at first sight.

Ryan looked up at him and whispered, “Why do they keep staring at me?” In truth it was because of a genetic disorder, but little Steven didn’t understand that.

Instead he took little Ryan’s hand and said, “I don’t know, they’re weird. Wanna go play?” Ryan smiled at him and they flew off the go play in the playground together. 

Throughout their lives they were near inseparable. Nothing could prevent that, not even Ryan taking on sole responsibility of Jake. Steven just made a joke about being an old married couple and went with it. Adam fit with them too, like another puzzle piece. Steven befriended him while training to become a guardian angel. He was practicing swimming in the ocean when a large man with a big brown beard and similarly brown eyes and the most gorgeous tail Steven’s ever seen approached him. At first they just stared at each other, Steven because his brain overloaded on Adam Bianchi cuteness, Adam because he just didn’t like talking. 

It took a few minutes for Steven’s brain to start up again. Immediately he spewed out words faster than he could say them. Adam was shocked silent. For a while he let Steven ramble about... how pretty his tail was? with a neutral expression on until he took pity and gave him a small smile. 

That smile almost broke Steven’s brain all over again, but luckily he saved himself just before repeating this process all over again. “Hi, my name’s Steven, sorry about the ramble. I’m here with my friends.” He pointed to where the Bergara boys were sunbathing on the beach. They looked unaware of the situation. They were not. “What’s your name?”

Adam continued smiling, “Adam, It’s nice to meet you Steven.” Adam shook his hand. Soft hands, Steven noted. 

“Preparing for the guardian angel entrance exam?” Adam asked. 

“Yes, as a matter of fact I am. The- my friends were lucky enough to already know swimming, I am not so lucky.” 

Adam chuckled. “I can tell. Want me to give you lessons?”

“Would you?”

Adam spent the rest of the afternoon preparing Steven for his test. He wasn’t awful, by angel standards, but Adam knew he could improve. When the sun finally set Adam was satisfied. The Bergaras invited him to join them for dinner. He agreed and they all hit up a local burger joint.

Unsurprisingly, Steven would earn his place in the guardian angel league. They were all so proud of him. Jake loved to hear stories Steven would tell of his charges. His favourite was Keith Habersberger, a soldier in Vietnam. Keith would end up being Steven’s second to last charge, unbeknownst to him. The guy was funny and friends with three other soldiers in his platoon. Steven hoped to get him home alive to his wife Becky. 

On his off days, Steven would try and help Jake be a guardian angel. When Heaven told him no Ryan raged. With some help, Ryan managed to get Jake into heaven’s guardian angel program. Steven wasn’t happy with the cost of such an action, but they were already in too deep to do anything about it. Besides, by supporting Ryan, Steven was put on Heaven’s shit list. One wrong move and he’d be kicked out. Helping people was Steven’s passion, he couldn’t give it up. 

His newest charge was Andrew Ilnyckyj. He was about a 5′ 10′’ white guy that happened to work at Buzzfeed. That bit of information piqued Steven’s interest. He remembered that Ryan had gotten a job hunting demons at that same company and visited the place himself.

Steven ended up getting a job there (don’t tell heaven he lied on his resume).

Andrew Ilnyckyj was nothing like he expected. He was quiet and serious and handsome and oh god. Anytime Steven tried to talk to him he’d start stuttering and blushing up a storm. He couldn’t focus with Andrew which is unfortunate since he’s his charge.

Steven bemoans all this to Ryan one day as they fly up up up into the sky. It makes him laugh. “Dude! that’s not helpful.”

“I know I know it’s just been a while since I’ve seen Steven Lim with a crush.”

Steven could feel his cheeks heat up with a wicked blush. “I-I don’t. I have a crush don’t I?”

Ryan nodded. He patted Steven on the back in a comforting gesture. “It’s not the end of the world buddy, although it might be if you don’t eat enough. You’re getting too skinny.”

Steven squaked insultedly. “I am not skinny!” Ryan quickly poked him in the side and he could feel rib. 

“Oh sure, golden boy. Not skinny at all. You’re burning too much stored fat flying with me and trying to warm your body to regular human body temperatures. Either you eat more or we’re stopping our flight dates.” Steven rolled his eyes at Ryan’s snipe but gave observation some thought.

~~~~

Steven took the advice to heart (well after Adam agreed with Ryan that Steven was getting skinnier) and came up with an idea.

Andrew likes food. Steven likes spending time with Andrew and needs to eat more. Adam likes food.

Thus worth it was born. 

~~~~

Andrew knew that all Buzzfeed employees were going to end up being somewhere on the weird scale but then he met Ryan Bergara and Steven Lim.  Adam seemed pretty normal though. The both of them just oozed eccentricity. They walked like they got an awful weight on their back and rock on their soles of their feet like they’re trying to fly. Ryan keeps looking around like he’s hiding something while Steven wears sweaters in eighty degree weather. 

Andrew makes up his mind to avoid them. He befriended Adam is that not enough? Apparently it was not. 

One day Steven corners him. He’s wearing a thin blue button up and a jacket  is hanging off his arm. Andrew feels Steven drape himself onto his back and the first thing Andrew’s struck with is that Steven’s ice cold. The second is thing Andrew realizes is that Steven is draped over his back and he doesn’t know if he loves it or hates it. 

The air is tense. To Andrew, nothing else can be heard. Adam stares at them out of the corner of his eye, silent. “Hey, hey, both of you. I have a great idea. Food at different price points.”

“What?”

 Adam snorts and says, “Explain it more in detailed Ste, and put on a jacket, you’re going to catch a cold.” The underlying meaning was that Andrew would get suspicious of Steven’s abnormal body temperature. Steven undrapped himself from Andrew and put on his jacket. He also warms himself up but not enough that his angel glow can be shown. 

Angels don’t have blood and hearts, only demons do. Demons are more like humans to convince them to sin using the sympathetic I-understand-what-you’re-going-through method. Angels are supposed to be ethereal, otherworldly as a symbol of what humans should inspire to be. Because of this, angel’s consciously generate heat which can appear as a glow if there’s enough heat. When Steven masquerades as a human he has to always be careful to not overheat. Usually he just ends up under-heating which causes a whole nother set of problems. Adam and Ryan have to continuously remind him to wear sweaters and such to mask this fact. 

Steven can already feel himself warming slightly with the inclusion of the thick jacket all zipped up. Andrew can already feel himself missing Steven’s touch. Wait. The thought makes him blink a few times in surprise. He’s talked to Steven a few times,but liking his touch? Andrew’s going to get an aneurysm at this rate. 

He is so caught up in his own whirlwind of a mind that he almost misses Steven’s slightly more detailed explanation of a new video series. “Ok so we take one specific food like pizza and then we go to three different restaurants at three drastically different prices and say which one is the best.”

Andrew looked at Steven slightly confused. “How did you come up with this? How are we going to pay for it?”

“Buzzfeed agreed to pay for it-” Steven started.

“And Steven’s too skinny.” Adam poked Steven a certain way to make him giggle. The sound was music to Andrew’s ears. The thought of Steven being too skinny wasn’t though. He looked Steven up and down to see for himself. His gaze made Steven blush up to his ears. Andrew fought back a smile, even a self-satisfied one. 

“You want me to go with you?” Andrew asked Steven. He watched as Steven nodded enthusiastically then scratch the back of his neck.

“Yeah that’s the hope. It’d be you and me in front of the camera and Adam behind it. What do you say?”

Andrew thought about it for a minute, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to say no. “Sure when’s the first day of shooting?”

Steven’s smile was the most brilliant thing he’d ever seen. What have I gotten myself into? he wondered to himself. “First day is burgers on Monday! I’ll see you there partner.” Steven gave him a smile before walking off. 

Andrew sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He played with one of Adam’s many bottles on his desk. “You’re going to have fun,” Adam told him, half-comfortingly half-commanding. 

~~~~

Worth it, Andrew came up with the name, was better than Steven could’ve ever expected. Originally it was a chance to keep a better eye on Andrew and maintain a healthy weight. Steven put in the work, but he didn’t think it would flourish like it did. Then he was going to New York, Taiwan, and Japan! It’s been a while since Steven’s been here. He marvels at the difference a hundred years can make on architecture. Adam listens patiently while he rambles. 

Steven and Andrew grow closer after working together long hours. His puns seem more endearing and his giggle is the cutest thing Steven’s heard. He likes to make up many silly dances just to get Andrew to smile. Being called fancy boy only becomes endearing when Andrew or Adam says it. Steven wonders about the consequences about gutting Ryan every time he says it. 

They spend time together. Ryan loves to tease the ever loving shiz out of Steven when they go flying or visit Jake. Steven’s proud of Jake so he tells himself that for Jake and to be able to keep his job he won’t kill Ryan.  That promise is harder to keep when Ryan teases Steven in front of Andrew though. Adam has to steer Steven away before he does something he’ll regret. 

Andrew always gives a weird look to Ryan before getting back to his work. Internally, he wonders what Steven’s look means. Does he like him back? Does just not like to be teased? Andrew really hopes that Steven likes him back. He thinks Steven’s nose scrunch is cute and his enthusiasm is refreshing. Despite how he acts, Andrew craves Steven’s touch. He likes it when Steven drapes an arm over his shoulder or carries him like Steven did in their Sushi episode. 

Adam says that maybe he should say something. (He tells both of them that actually) The fear that Steven doesn’t reciprocate his feelings is too strong. What they have is nice, if it took on a new direction Andrew would love that, but he can’t risk it. He has too much to lose. 

~~~~

They happened to work late that day. Andrew wanted to finish this one edit before going home. Steven had a bad feeling so he decided to stay with Andrew. “Come on Drew, let’s go home,” Steven whined slightly and his eyes kept darting around the room. 

Andrew scoffed and payed him no mind. “You’re as anxious as Ryan right now. It’s Buzzfeed we’re going to be fine.”

“Just hurry up will you.” Steven’s hackles were up and every sound made him want to unsheath his flaming sword. Too slow, Andrew finished his work and they said they could go. Steven grabbed his upper arm and brisked them out of the office to Steven’s car.

“I have my own car Steven.” Andrew jokingly protested. He’s not used to this paranoid, over-protective version of Steven. It’s endearing but also concerning. 

Steven gaze, usually not this heavy, was dead on him. “I can drive you home? Please, just stay with me a little bit more? Something doesn’t feel right, and I-”

Andrew could tell that Steven was starting to get agitated so in an effort to calm him down Andrew squeezed his hand, and shushed him a bit. “Ok, ok, it’s okay Stevie. I’ll go with you, just breathe.”

Steven nodded shakily and let go of Andrew. “Sorry if I gripped you too hard.”

“No you’re grip was just right. I’m going...” Andrew trailed off and pointed to the passenger seat. Steven nodded as Andrew walked to sit in the passenger seat. Once catching his breath, Steven slid into the drivers seat. “Hey Stevie, are you sure you can drive now?”

“Yeah I’m fine I got this.” Steven pulled out the parking lot and headed over to Andrew’s house. They sat in tense silence. Steven was too paranoid to make conversation and Andrew was too worried about Steven to initiate any either. 

As they drove along they saw well heard this person cry on the side of the road. Andrew looked at Steven to see if he’d slow down to stop. He didn’t. “Hey Stevie aren’t you going to pull over?” Steven pursed his lip but made no movement to pull over. Andrew was shocked. “Steven!”

At first Andrew didn’t think Steven would pull over. He was worried he would have to get involved but Steven sighed and pulled over. Andrew hoped out of the car and ran over to the person. Steven followed him at a much slower pace. The overwhelming need to draw out his sword was starting to get debilitating. He tried to focus on Andrew’s voice but it sounded like he was talking through water.

Then he screamed. 

Steven never heard anything clearer. 

A giant vampire had torn of a giant chunk in Andrew’s side and was now feasting in his blood. Steven’s vision matched the color Andrew was lying in. His whimpers and cries of pain filled his head and fueled his rage. The Flaming Sword light up the scene as Steven spread his wings and fought. The vampire tried to put up a fight, but he was no match for Steven Lim. All it took was one stab to the heart to take this guy out. Then Steven burned the vampire alive. He figured God wouldn’t be too upset since vampire’s weren’t His favorite creature. 

“Steven?” The voice was tired, groggy and too breathy for Steven’s comfort. Everything was red and Andrew’s pale and Steven might be having a panic attack. 

“Sh. Sh SH. Ok Andy, darling, baby. Just breathe.” Maybe if he wasn’t in panic mode he’d remember Adam teasing him about how pet names slip out of him when he’s really nervous, but the thought completely eludes him now. He strips off his jacket covering the dead body Andrew’s lying next to and then takes off his shirt to try and stop the bleeding. The shirt was pure white with vertical grey stripes running up it. Now it’s soaked blood red but Steven doesn’t throw it away. 

He vaguely feels a hand on his stomach and almost almost jumps at the touch. So this was the bad thing. You idiot, you should’ve prepared for this. You could’ve prevented this. Now he’s dying and it’s your fault. Steven tries to think that it isn’t true but Andrew’s breathing is labored and unfocused and isn’t it true?

“Wow- wow, usually you-you don’t lose the shirt until the second date. No shirt first date is big, this must’ve been en a big first date.” Andrew’s so out of it he stutters and slurs his words. They make Steven pause though, well mentally, he’s not losing Andrew without a fight. 

“Shhshsh Wait what? No Andrew shush this isn’t a date. Just focus on breathing alright. I’m going to try something.” There was a trick he learned when he was a kid. A certain trick that allows you to almost call people when you need help. Him and Ryan used to use that trick all the time they were exploring as kids. Now it’s become even more useful as adults. 

He’s so concentrated on pulling off the trick that he almost misses Andrew’s next words. Almost. “Wh-what? This is a date. This is a date cause I love you and you love me because you have to like me right Steven?” Andrew can barely look at him and Steven wants to cry. He puts more pressure on the wound with his right hand and uses his left hand to cup Andrew’s face. Tears freely falled down his face as he guided Andrew to look at him. 

“Whatever you want.”

Andrew smiled. 

~~~~~

Ryan carrying Adam arrived shortly after Andrew passed out. Together the three of them confirmed that the poor stranger did die, but Andrew didn’t. Steven sobbed in relief when hearing that. They performed an old ritual that Steven and Ryan learned in their childhood (Ryan got a nasty cut and Mrs. Bergara inadvertently showed them a method on how to quickly stabilize critically wounded people). Steven then gathered up Andrew into his arms and flew him to his house. Ryan and Adam followed closely behind. 

They set him down in Steven’s bed and quickly got to work saving him. Since Andrew was human, none of them could donate blood on his own so Ryan quickly got a few blood bags to use. Steven would usually ask if he got them legally, but he was too focused on Andrew to care. 

Adam got some deep-sea medicines while Ryan helped Steven with the initial medicine. It was hours before Steven felt even semi-comfortable leaving Andrew’s side. All three boys were almost fainting with exhaustion. Ryan suggested they all pass out on Steven’s couch after telling Buzzfeed they won’t be at work tomorrow. Steven protested at first. Adam and Ryan each took a hand and dragged him over to the couch though. With tangled limbs, the trio finally fell asleep.

~~~

Andrew felt groggy when he woke up. Then he felt extremely cold. Confusion hit him like a truck when he realized that he couldn’t feel a heartbeat. Panic filled his senses as he tried to do something to fix this. The room around him looked familiar enough. Steven’s bedroom his hand supplied. That did not ease his confused state in any way shape or form. One look around though did confirm that this was in fact Steven’s bedroom. He could see photos of Steven throughout the ages on the nightstand on the bed. A note written in Adam’s handwriting told him to take the adjacent medication. Andrew did as he was told. As his digestive system processed the medication his ears picked up on the sound of commotion outside the door.

Andrew felt too weak to walk so he tried to strain his ears to hear what the voices were saying. He sadly couldn’t understand anything other than the fact that it was Steven and Ryan doing a lot of the arguing. Pain in his jaw started to become more apparent. He rubbed it and felt something sharp prick him. He tried to suck on the wound, but he felt another, more painful, prick. Andrew tried to scream but it just ended up being one loud garbled up sound. Steven burst through the door glowing mad. Ryan and Adam followed him a few paces behind. 

Steven knelt in front of Andrew and tried to help him. Andrew jerked away from him in fear. “Andrew, Andy,” Steven took a step back from him with his hands raised. “It’s- Let me help.”

“I’ll go get the first aid kit Stevie.” Ryan ducked out of the room leaving the Worth it trio alone. A tinge of jealousy filled him when he heard Ryan call Steven a nickname. 

“Take your hand out of your mouth Andrew.” Adam softly commanded. Though painful, Andrew pulled his hand off his teeth. Steven murmured a curse under his breath. His glow brightened a second before ceasing with a look from Adam. Ryan opened the door but paused when he saw Andrew.

“Fuck… at least he’s not dead.” Ryan handed the first aid kit to Adam then went to stand by Steven. He rubbed a hand up and down Steven’s back in an attempt to comfort him. “He is dead Ryan. I failed and -”

“Shush. I’ve been looking for a new reason to pick a fight with God.” Despite his anger at himself and at the vampire that hurt Andrew, Steven chuckled.

“You always knew the right thing to say.”

“I try.”

~~~~

It wasn’t easy, accumulating Andrew to the supernatural. Helping him adjust to no heartbeat and sharp bloodsuckers wasn’t easy, but there were some good moments too. Steven was particularly fond of the moment he got to take Andrew flying. With a lot of convincing from Steven and Adam, Andrew let Steven lift him up into the sky. 

Andrew tightened his grip on Steven as they soared higher and higher. “Don’t like heights, Andy?” 

Andrew grumbled into his neck. “Planes are fine, hiking is fine, this is none of those.”

“You’ll love it, Andy.” For once, Andrew agreed.

One day, before Shane turned into a demon and a new batch of chaos erupted on their lives, Andrew stood with Adam and Steven on Steven’s front porch.

“The whole beach thing, and obsession with water? Makes sense now,” Andrew told Adam. The ever stoic man did nothing but nod once. 

“As much of a mess my life is now, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I would still agree to do Worth it with you and I would still force you to pull over to help the person. No regrets.” A breath Steven didn’t know he was holding flew out of his mouth. He grabbed Andrew’s hand, kissed the knuckles and brought it to his heart. Andrew kissed him on the cheek before leaning into Adam’s side.

“Life has been more fun with you too,” Adam mused.

“Yeah.” The boys watched the sunset on another very, very odd day. 

#standrew #stamandrew #ish #like you can definitely read it that way #so yeah cool #I'm sorry this took so long I hope it wasn't anti-climatic #ella's worth it fics #we're all fic writers here #you know #If I ever write a fic and the fandom is more watcher based #I'm going to get such a headache

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 4, Part 2: Flight of the Paradox Groans

BRIGHT: Remember Spades Slick being bizarrely aware he was in a comic, back in the Intermission? Buckle up, things are about to get even more fourth-wall-breaking. Appropriately, this starts by the comic focusing on an actual fourth wall, which activates to show...Andrew Hussie.

Hussie’s MS Paint avatar notices the audience watching him, laments that his side of the wall doesn’t have an off switch, and then recaps the first year of Homestuck.

Now, in all fairness: The recap is thorough, full of links, and explains things fairly well. It’s quite long, but given how much territory it has to cover I’m not sure it could be any shorter. So it does its job well, and it’s a boon if you’re getting lost with the plot.

As for the author insertion...on this occasion I don’t mind it. It comes across as tongue-in-cheek, but framed more as the author talking to the reader than as the author inserting himself into the narrative. It’s definitely very Homestuck.

Anyway, AH gets back to work, and after a couple of false starts we return to John!

John is still flying around with his jet pack. GC trolls him to offer him a world map of LOWAS and tell him she feels awful about killing him, although in literally the next line she tells him that technically he never even died so she doesn’t understand why he’s so upset. John understandably finds this disturbing. They have a brief nonsensical discussion about Jesus/Jegus, and then John agrees to go take a look at what’s on the other side of his Second Gate. Yes, on the advice of someone whose previous advice got him killed.

CHEL: Almost a shame we didn’t set up a Too Dumb To Live count, but then to be fair that was a separate timeline and he’s probably not thinking of it as something that “really” happened. This is supported by his later dialogue.

FAILURE ARTIST: The word Jegus is really popular in the Homestuck fandom, used far more often than it is in the canon. Gets quite annoying, in my opinion. Actually, a rather Jesus-like figure does appear, but he’s not called “Jegus”.

CHEL: Yeah, I think only Terezi, John, and Dave ever use the term, but it somehow became latched onto as an actual term used by trolls in general, even though in canon it isn’t.

BRIGHT: Fortunately, this time GC appears to be playing nice. John flies though the Second Gate and emerges...into LOLAR?

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie does an amusing trick where he has what looks like a loading screen for a flash but it’s actually a still image eternally at 2%.

BRIGHT: Yes, it’s LOLAR. John promptly crashes into Rose’s house, smashing through a wall and into her bedroom, where Rose is still snoozing in her knitting pile. Apart from briefly being stuck upside down, he does not appear injured by this collision.

Rose has somehow slept through the commotion. John decides to let her rest and borrows her computer to talk to Dave.

The first one he talks to is actually Davesprite, who points out how moronic John was to listen to GC again. No arguments here! Then he explains how the Gate system works: Odd-numbered Gates, above players’ houses, lead to somewhere on their planets. Even-numbered Gates lead to other players’ planets, exiting over their houses. Normally they aren’t meant to go through even-numbered Gates until the houses are built up, so they don’t fall to their deaths, but fortunately John has a jetpack workaround. So far Davesprite is living up to his promise of being straightforward.

John realises he’s talking to Future Dave, and asks “do you think i could talk to the real dave for a second?”

...ouch, John.

Davesprite goes off on a tear, ranting that he is a real Dave — arguably the realest Dave, since he’s been running around LOHAC for months trying to get enough information to save everyone. John apologises sincerely.

CHEL: This won’t be the last we hear of this theme, though.

EB: i think i pissed off your future self. TG: what did you do EB: i said he wasn't the real dave. TG: ahahahahaha EB: i think i might have really hurt his feelings though! TG: pff TG: dont worry about it EB: why not? TG: cause i wouldnt give a shit TG: and hes me

BRIGHT: Not a hundred percent sure I believe Dave, there.

CHEL: Dave uses John to snoop around Rose’s room and get the captcha code for her journals. Classy, Dave. Not a SLAMMER point, however, as this does come back to bite him very soon.

Rose’s dreamself has awoken on Derse, the purple planet, and flies across to the opposite tower. Dave’s dreamself appears to be awake, sitting upright in his computer chair; the room is entirely an unsettling bloody red colour apart from the SBaHJ cartoons on the walls, and… oh shit, there’s Lil Cal again, now in a long purple nightdress and hopping around the room on his own. If Rose was having nightmares because of dreamself issues, I can only imagine how Dave’s nightmares must look. Rose throws a ball of yarn at Dave’s dreamself, alerting him, and causing the awake Dave to pass out.

Back in Rose’s room, it seems that Charles Barkley quote was not misattributed:

FAILURE ARTIST: Another SBaHJ reference in the book quote. Is that where Dave got it?

Still, I don’t recall this book ever coming up again. Just another item that seems like a Chekhov's Gun but isn’t.

CHEL: John feels guilty about opening his birthday gift from Rose, but reasons that it’s technically now his anyway, so he does, finding another bunny, this one black and filthy-looking except for the pristine knitted purple patches repairing it, though its shape is eerily familiar.

The gift in this box is a resurrection. I used your present to thread life anew into a tattered heirloom. As long as I can remember, its black, greasy appendages have been tethered limply to its ratty, porous carriage. Too delicate to wash, too dear to discard. I used to love this rabbit. Now he's yours. I trust you'll find this to be adequately sentimental. Happy birthday.

Oh my gosh, awwwwww. Even if you don’t ship them romantically how can you not love their interactions? Definitely one of the comic’s strong points. Also I need to go hug my childhood teddy bear.

John puts the bunny back in the box again and the box in his sylladex, freeing Casey the salamander while he’s at it. And let’s just take a minute to feel utter horror because dead John still had Casey in his sylladex, so the best option is that she died too, and the worst is that we have an And I Must Scream situation on for a baby salamander. Gah.

FAILURE ARTIST: Thanks, I’d never thought of that and I never want to again.

You aren't actually sure if she is a girl though. You don't even know if salamanders can be girls. Aren't they hermaphrodites or something?

CHEL: No, for the record. Though some frogs can switch from one to the other.

FAILURE ARTIST: Casey is very popular as a name for an OC child of John (often having Rose as the mother).

CHEL: John answers Rose’s Pesterchum, upon which GA is half-heartedly sending antagonistic messages. John answers on Rose’s account, saying that Rose is asleep, which GA takes for Human Sarcasm, prompting John to pretend to be Rose.

GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like. TT: you look kind of like... TT: howie mandel from little monsters.

Wait, how does he know? Am I forgetting a point at which he saw them?

BRIGHT: I always assumed that he was just goofing around and his guess happened to land in the right ballpark, but thinking about it, I’m not sure the kids ever express surprise at the trolls’ appearance.

CHEL: John, pretending to be Rose, talks about how awesome John is.

GA: He Is Either The Leader Of Your Party Or You Hold Whatever The Human Equivalent Of Mating Fondness For Him Is

CHEL: Both. Both is good!

FAILURE ARTIST: Knowing what we do of troll culture later this is an odd statement. Heck, it’s just an odd statement. Maybe this is why people think trolls don’t do friendship.

CHEL: John apparently confuses GA by saying it’s because Rose is thoughtful and John appreciates his gift, and suggests GA talk to John.

TT: why don't you pick the time that will make the most complicated mess out of everything imaginable?

GA sounds very annoyed, and leaves, intending to have the conversation with John that she had previously. We see her, GC, and the horns of AT and an unknown troll in the grey room, now revealed to be a computer laboratory. For some reason she chats via Pesterchum with another troll instead of just walking over to talk to them. This new troll is twinArmageddons, an appropriate name for the circumstances, who type2 iin yellow text liike thii2; he is, as it turns out, the hacker guy GC mentioned earlier. TA is busy setting up the network and seems irritable in general, and is not willing to help GA work her viewport.

TA: iif ii 2ee one more 2narl of wiire2. TA: kiind of juttiing out and beiing tangled or whatever. TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit.

Nice callback, but trolls, as we’ll later find out, don’t have presidents.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 14

GA wonders why TA doesn’t want to talk to her, and TA complains that he knew in advance the trolls were doomed and no one believed him. He refuses to troll the humans himself but is setting up the system so the others can in order to get them to leave him alone. GA asks again for help, to no avail.

TA: iif you cant fiigure 2hiit out by fuckiing around you dont belong near computer2. TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2. TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are. TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology. TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.

Ooh, a threefer plus one! Tacky simile for the Problematykks. As for WSP, we’ll later find out that 1) trolls kill all their criminals, 2) trolls don’t give a shit about the welfare of their children, and 3) trolls don’t appear to actually go to school. These two counts are neck and neck in the lead now!

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 17 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 17

BRIGHT: As with much of Homestuck, the trolls give the impression of being made up as Hussie went along. That’s not entirely a bad thing -- it certainly makes the comic pretty unique -- but it does lead to some out-of-place slip-ups.

Anyway, GA chucks her F1 key at TA’s head and then starts poking him. We also see CG in the lab.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think I recall GA/TA were a popular ship before we learned more about GA. It does seem like they have a Rose & Dave dynamic going on.

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Rose and Dave have a dance party to Dave’s music while accompanied by some crows and Lil Cal, who keeps teleporting around the room. Rose eventually gets tired of Cal’s shenanigans and hurls him out of the window, to the relief of many.

FAILURE ARTIST: The flash originally included music by Bill Bolin. In fact, it was his unfinished music being included here that caused all the drama in the first place.

BRIGHT: Time for some random interludes! First up is Maplehoof the pony, who is following Rose’s mother through a large cave which, judging by the grist lying around, recently contained very dangerous monsters.

FAILURE ARTIST: Apparently pets can collect grist for their masters...and know what grist is despite being a normal(?) animal.

BRIGHT: First Mom, and then Maplehoof, stand on a transportaliser platform and disappear. Second is Dad, who has just acquired a replacement shoe and hat (which showed up in the walkaround game, way back at the beginning of the Act), when he encounters a familiar-looking stranger with a Colonel Sassacre book, who leads him to another transportalizer platform. Both of these interludes do become relevant later, but at the time they seem a tad unnecessary.

Meanwhile, John uses Rose’s alchemiter and a code Davesprite gave him mid-rant to produce a truly epic hammer called FEAR NO ANVIL. It’s far too big for John to wield, but fortunately he can use the scaling upgrade on the alchemiter to reduce it to a more useable size. ...wait. When did Rose’s alchemiter get a scaling upgrade? Dave and Jade added a lot of modifications to his, but Rose’s should be the original edition. Sigh.

EB: so what is this? EB: the thing the code made... TG: really powerful hammer EB: how do you know? EB: i thought you couldn't use hammers. TG: i cant TG: better be though TG: got it from hephaestus EB: who's that? TG: really tough to kill dude EB: you killed him for it? TG: nope EB: how'd you get it then? TG: shenanigans EB: ok.

...and we’re back to sprite evasiveness. Davesprite is being less than forthcoming here, although it’s less obvious than with Nannasprite because it superficially imitates John and Dave’s bantering.

CHEL: Now, this would be a good way of keeping us interested if we were eventually going to see how he did it, and also they have a time limit, so not going off into a long anecdote would be understandable. However, we’ll see how his evasiveness level proceeds in the future.

BRIGHT: Dream Rose and Dave see John using Rose’s alchemiter on Dream Dave’s computer. Rose wakes up.

FAILURE ARTIST: It is interesting how early Homestuck avoided having characters have face-to-face conversations. Would have been unique if it kept up throughout the entire comic.

BRIGHT: Back in the meteor, GA hassles TA into opening the viewport on her computer. This turns out to be as simple as clicking on the point in Rose’s timeline that she wants to see. No wonder TA was frustrated!

Of course, by this point, the only one left in the room is Rose, now awake, and the young salamander. Rose hurries to catch up with John, but he blasts off to explore before she can reach him, taking her mutated kitten with him.

CHEL: John renames Vodka Mutini to Dr Meowgon Spengler, and Rose renames Casey to Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer. Interesting link to the themes of identities which are starting to crop up, though it’s not really a direct analogue. The animals are the same animals with different names; the alternate timeline characters have the same names and superficially the same identities, but are they really the same people after their new experiences?

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Lil Cal inexplicably lands on a stray rocket board, catching the attention of AR.

You're not sure which laws are being broken, but it is probably a lot.

AR follows Cal to yet another transportaliser, and they both dematerialise.

We jump back to John, who spies a boat on one of the islands dotting LOLAR and lands to investigate. He follows hoofprints in the sand into a subterranean hallway filled with monsters. Fortunately his new hammer has time powers, which stun the monsters long enough for John to kill them. Further on, he finds the transportaliser Mom used. John, naturally, stands on it, and is transported to a meteor in the Veil.

Actually, it’s not just a meteor; it’s one of the laboratories where the Skaian troops are produced. John, along with the cat and Maplehoof, finds a bunch of chess guys being grown in glass jars on a giant podium. Most of them are the standard carapaces we’re familiar with, but there are also a few larger pieces, apparently based on knights and rooks. He also finds a JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGIST’S LAB SUIT, and another of those strange house-shaped sets of monitors.

On Prospit, PM is preparing to board a shuttle to Skaia when a COURTYARD DROLL sneaks up behind her. Unaccountably, she fails to notice him, despite the fact that he’s wearing a hat larger than he is. CD successfully pickpockets the White Queen’s ring, and PM departs for Skaia, none the wiser.

CD radios the DRACONIAN DIGNITARY to report mission success, and is told that he doesn’t need to keep wearing his ridiculous outfit, per orders from Jack Noir, who is now going by the SOVEREIGN SLAYER. CD says he’d rather keep wearing the outfit. Apart from the sword-through-the-chest part, it is a very nice outfit, so I’m with CD on this one.

Catastrophe is averted by Jade delivering a flying kick to CD’s head and following up with a very efficient smackdown. Her robot body replicates this back on Earth, beating the stuffing out of her mummified grandfather. Jade retrieves the ring, and puts it on her fingers to remind herself to give it back to PM later. Unfortunately, this doesn’t cause Jade to sprout wings and tentacles. Seems the rings don’t work on humans like that.

Meanwhile, in a Timeless Expanse, a WARWEARY VILLEIN is getting tired of the battle between Derse and Prospit. The next animation is called “WV?: Rise Up” and it’s one of my favorites! When I first read Homestuck I had to watch it a few times before I understood what was going on, but it is a very neat video.

Watch on YouTube

The Battlefield has been prototyped three times, and is now spherical. The forces of Derse and Prospit meet. The usual carapaces with swords are backed up by larger pieces -- some of them very strange -- and by battleships clashing in the sky. In the chaos, WV, who is farming peacefully on Skaia, has his home and farm burned down. He raises a flag and addresses the troops of both armies. Elsewhere, Jack Noir appears, flying over the Battlefield in search of the Black King.

WV rallies the armies and tells them that their real enemies are the monarchs, who are responsible for the war. Encouraged, the Dersite and Prospitan troops band together and march on the Black King.

Meanwhile, PM has reached the White King and discovers that she no longer has the White Queen’s ring. The White King listens to her and hands over his scepter, which seems to represent Skaia and serves a similar function to the Queens’ rings. Behind a nearby hill, the Hegemonic Brute radios somebody to report the transfer.

As WV and the united armies reach the Black King, Jack arrives and slices the Black King’s scepter in half, nullifying its powers and turning the Black King back into a normal carapace. PM is attacked by HB, who knocks the White King’s scepter out of her hand; it falls down a waterfall. Jack Noir beheads the Black King and turns to WV, and the animation ends.

...okay, much as I love it, I have to admit there’s a glaring question here: Namely, the kids started playing the Game less than a day ago and Dave’s kernelsprite has been prototyped for a few hours max. The second prototyping made the Battlefield more complex and the third took it into its current form. That’s a very short time to instigate a cross-faction revolution, organise the troops, and march on a monarch. For that matter, how long has WV been a farmer? The inhabitants of Derse and Prospit have obviously been doing their thing all the kids’ lives, but the Battlefield was supposedly a static, rudimentary space until John entered the Medium, so what gives?

Then again, the timeline in the Medium is supposed to be distinct from the timeline on Earth, so maybe that explains it?

CHEL: An interesting point is also raised by WV’s revolution. Namely, Derse is presented as a kingdom of darkness and evil by the game, while Prospit is presented as good. However, while PM is good, WV and AR are demonstrably not bad people either. In this animation, we see carapaces of both sides apparently don’t want to be involved in the war and are willing to rise up against the Black King. The rank-and-file carapaces on both sides, it seems, are decent people who are just following orders. (Not to mention very cute.) Jack Noir and his gang are nasty pieces of work, except CD who’s also just kind of going along with it, but there’s nothing saying white carapaces couldn’t also be… And is that a Problematykks point, presenting the black-coloured people as bad and the white-coloured ones as good? I know they’re chess pieces, but still.

This raises the question, however, what’s Derse’s motive? Are its rulers and archagents simply destroying for the evulz? I wonder. I also wonder how much Skaia itself is involved in this and how aware it is. Skaia is called the crucible of creation, and it’s responsible for the creation of the carapaces too. References are made to it “seeing” and “knowing”; it’s quite possibly sentient, though maybe not sapient. On top of that, SBurb is specifically a game, and a game needs an objective, and an adventure-type game needs enemies. Derse, it seems likely, was created and presented the way it is in order to give the players something to battle against even if its people don’t want to be their enemies. No wonder WV’s pissed!

BRIGHT: Yup. Hmm, thinking about it...the imps and other enemies we saw attacking John’s house early on were obviously Dersite, but the ones we’ve seen in Rose’s seem to be Prospitian, if anything? The colour scheme looks that way, at least. But Nanna said earlier that Derse was the enemy, nothing about Prospit.

Perhaps it has something to do with Rose being a Derse dreamer, while John is a Prospit dreamer? But in that case I’d have expected it to come up in the text. Instead it just goes unremarked.

Rose goes on a massive alchemising spree and ends up creating the Thorns of Oglogoth, a pair of wands.

The needles seem to shiver with the dark desires of THE DEEP ONE. Any sane adventurer would cast these instruments of the occult into the FURTHEST RING and forget they ever existed.

Instead of throwing the wands away, Rose takes on the enemies camping all over her house, with style.

Meanwhile, Dave goes on another, less visibly productive alchemising spree.

GET ON WITH IT!: 18

FAILURE ARTIST: The SBaHJifier could be considered productive in that it provides foreshadowing cartoons. Wish Dave’s Brain in a Jar came up again.

BRIGHT: Once he’s done creating smuppet variations to disturb the monsters encroaching on his house, he sits down to take a look at those two journals he copied from Rose earlier. One of them is called ‘MEOW’, and is literally just those same four letters, repeated over and over in different orders. The second is ‘Complacency of the Learned’.

There is no way to adequately recap the beauty of ‘Complacency of the Learned’, so we’re just going to show the whole thing:

Frigglish bothered his beard, as if unkinking a hitch in a long silk windsock. A more pedestrian audience would parse the exhibit as nervous compulsion. Behavior to petition contempt among the reasonable. He was however not surrounded by the reasonable, but the wise, a distinction in men that would forever be the difference in history's garland of treasured follies. As a matter of fact, his cadre of fellow wizards were all putting similar moves on their beards as well. The practice would evince thoughtfulness - sagacity, even - if they didn't do it all the time. Standing in line at the bank. Shooing squirrels from bird feeders. Few occasions were safe. Zazzerpan inspected the clue. A single piece of evidence cradled in his coriaceous old man palms. It was a human bone, not striking in the tale it told alone so much as that told by the thousands like it festooning the marshy soil of the mass grave. The grisly expanse bore the texture of a decadent dessert, like one of Smarny's formidable custard trifles wobbled out on wheels for the holidays, to the dismay of a small nation. "You're certain of this?" asked Frigglish. Despite what he was doing with his beard, he was, in fact, immersed in meaningful contemplation. "I am afraid I am becoming more so with each terrible tick groused by that gaudy timepiece slung around your neck." In case it wasn't clear, Frigglish wore a clock Zazzerpan didn't care for. It was magic. "The massacre of Syrs Gnelph was not as written." "What has you convinced it was the hand of our disciples in this blackness?" Executus chimed in. "I believe... I..." a fat face stammered, eyes darting with the guilt of a thief in the throes of an unraveling alibi. "I can summon a... more pressing line of inquiry..." No, Smarny. Nobody was in the mood for a sticky bundt loaf just now. Zazzerpan's ears fell insubstantial to any line of inquiry, pastry-oriented or otherwise. His abstruse contour carved a pondering shape in the fog carpeting centuries-dead. His eleven contemporaries too embraced the muted consternation of their great Predicant Scholar. Few wizards kept sharper adumbratives or read them with such lucidity. When Zazzerpan treated men with silence it was seldom unrepaid by the wise and reasonable alike. It was harrowing to entertain. Zazzerpan the Learned's storied Complacency of Wizards was marked for grander descendence. Disciples hand-picked, vetted by Ockite the Bonafide and tested by Gastrell the Munificent. The twelve sweetest, most studious children a pair of elderly eyes could give their sparkle. Not the ragged guttersnipe so oft-harvested by the common Obscenity, those vituperative little beggars with hearts to corrupt as dropped bananas brown. That these chosen youngsters would turn was not merely unthinkable, but something of a roundhouse to the temporal bones of the Upper Indifference's high chamber of Softskulled Prophets. His wisdom-savaged brow pruned further with recount of his many lessons to wouldbe successors. Lessons to advance humanity's elucidation and prosperity, an outcome this bleak trail now painfully obviated. There were few puzzles The Learned could not suspend and dissect in the recondite manifold beneath his extremely expensive pointy hat. Daring to pitch his cherished pupils in with the foul melange of history's rogues, the heretofore abstract scourge that built up civilizations with ungodly magic and tore them down with joyful malice, would prove an intellectual trespass to make his calcium-deficient bones quake. And more daring yet was the only question that now mattered. Could a bunch of bearded, scraggly old men in preposterous outfits hunt them down? He didn't have an answer. Only a simple observation so blunt and uncharacteristically jejune for the lauded sage it was breathtaking in its selfevidency. "We're going to need more wands." (Wow. Think of something better.)

Wow.

Dave is understandably intimidated by this, and decides to stop reading for now. He puts his copy of the SBURB Beta in the notebook to act as a bookmark, and leaves both books in his room for later.

Then he checks in on Rose, who is burning her version of the MEOW book.

CHEL: Dave inquires about the wizard story.

TG: i thought you hated wizards TG: whats the deal with that TT: I like wizards. TT: What I don't like is my mother's obsession with feigning interest in them to antagonize me. TG: oh man thats so messed up TG: that you think that TG: she probably digs wizards for real just like you and youre blowing shit out of proportion like pretty much always

Once again, we see exactly how fucked-up Rose’s relationship with her mother is. Mom Lalonde has somehow managed to raise a child in such a way that Rose interprets everything her mother does as an attempt to mock and provoke her.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 16

TIER: The Lalondes are pretty damn dysfunctional as a family unit, and considering the zany nature of early Homestuck and its world's weird logic that is saying something indeed.

CHEL: As for the MEOW book, it turns out the gods from the Furthest Ring informed Rose while she was sleeping that the book’s contents are highly dangerous and must be destroyed. Said gods dwell in the sky above Derse; Dave’s never heard or seen them, but Rose points out his dreamself is always wearing shades, listening to music, and distracted by Cal.

TT: You're the prince of the moon. TG: ........ TT: I'm sure they've been meaning to seek a royal audience. TG: ..........................

Davesprite chats to Rose next. She protests at being spied on by two people, but Davesprite asks her why she burned the codebook. She didn’t need to in the future, but according to her future memories of the gods absorbed from her future dreamself, Davesprite appeared to make it relevant by traveling to the past. A sinister and familiar face watches through Dave’s window, soon proving to be the Draconian Dignitary, while Dave and Davesprite awkwardly spout elaborate mixed metaphors about how safe they are, until Dave, embarrassed, says "so i guess ill go back down and burn that book".

As any savvy reader could guess, he’s too late. The prompt suggests that he should go back in time to stop the books from being stolen, but, well...

It looks like you already tried that. GORE GALORE: 10

Dave looks completely undisturbed, but whether he is undisturbed is a different matter. He flings the corpse out the window into the lava, claiming it would freak Jade out.

John, in the lab, presses a button, causing the first monitor to depict his town, shortly before his birth. There is a Betty Crocker factory and a shopping mall, neither of which are in the town now. Zooming in locks a target over Nanna Egbert, who is taking a stroll with Dad. A meteor looms; this looks like it’s going to go very badly, considering the target lock, but it hits the factory instead. When John presses the glowing blue button, a PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of Nanna is created; refer back to Rose’s experimentation in the lab and the green slime blobs. This time, the slime is sucked into a tube.

The next monitor does something similar with Grandpa Harley on his ship, and the next the same with Bro Strider, who stands over a meteor crater on an unseasonably warm day; something of an understatement, as the sky is the same lurid red and the sun the same glowing spiral that they were during the Strider bros’ battle even though it’s December. Bro is, regardless, prepared for the occasion with a small pair of outrageously awesome shades. What he needs these for will soon be revealed.

The fourth monitor goes back to John’s home town, a gigantic crater where the factory once was. In the shopping mall, Dad Egbert stands outside a joke shop, while Nanna apparently remains inside, busying herself with a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a rather hefty unabridged joke book.

Mom Lalonde, clutching the infant Rose and wearing a rather snazzy long Jaspersprite-pink scarf, has come to town to study the meteor impact at the request of Grandpa Harley while he explores elsewhere. Unfortunately, now is the time a meteor chooses to strike Nanna’s location, destroying the shop.

An old mother lost today, but a new son gained.

Wait for it.

Mom Lalonde flees, dropping her scarf, which Dad Egbert picks up and slightly creepily sniffs. The monitor continues tracking her, and John captures her paradox imprint too, starting the machines whirring away...

Four babies abruptly appear on the pad, already diapered and bespectacled and old enough to sit up unaided. Convenient, no?

When the kitten jumps on a green button, the slime is blended in pairs; Nanna’s and Grandpa’s, and Mom’s and Bro’s. More blinking lights ensue, and another four extremely familiar-looking babies appear.

BRIGHT: I will say this: These kids are adorable.

While babies clamber over him, John vaults up his echeladder to the rank of Ectobiolobabysitter, acquiring one million Boondollars in the process. This automatically converts itself to a Boonbuck, the weight of which smashes his Porkhollow.

Finding out just what is going on here will have to wait, as the comic takes a brief detour to a battleship navigating the Medium nearby. There’s someone very familiar at the wheel…

An old man has much to do before he returns to Earth, dies, gets stuffed by his adopted-yet-biological daughter-slash-grand-daughter, and stuck in front of a fireplace.

Also aboard the ship are Dad Egbert and Mom Lalonde. Dad returns Mom’s scarf, and the two of them hold hands as Grandpa Harley pilots the ship towards Skaia.

We return to the lab, where John has his hands full with the babies. One of them has managed to break one of the paradox slime jars from earlier, but appears uninjured. Also, CG’s trolling him again.

CHEL: CG makes mention of the ULTIMATE RIDDLE, but John is confused because CG hasn’t told him about that yet. He uses an ableist description in explaining.

CG: SEE I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF INTO A CORNER. CG: I STARTED TROLLING YOU AT THE END, JUST BEFORE THE RIFT. CG: AND THEN JUMPED BACK A LITTLE. CG: AND NOW I GUESS I'VE BECOME RAILROADED INTO WORKING BACKWARDS HERE. CG: UNLESS I WANT TO DO THE SORT OF DUMB SCHIZOPHRENIC HOPPING AROUND LIKE THE OTHERS. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 18

… why wouldn’t you just hop right back to the start and work in a linear fashion from there?

TIER: Because CG excels at making things complicated for himself and is fundamentally rather stubborn and set in his ways/actions. Like he's made his bed, he's gonna lie in it.

CHEL: Anyway, CG banters with John for a bit, and then informs him that he (John) has arrived in the Veil and created infant versions of the players and their guardians.

EB: so they are like cloned copies of us? CG: NO. CG: THEY ARE LITERALLY YOU AND YOUR GUARDIANS. CG: PARADOX CLONES.

A paradox clone, we are informed, is A CORRECTLY CLONED DUPLICATE THAT WILL INEVITABLY GO BACK IN TIME AND BECOME THE ORIGINAL TARGET THAT WAS CLONED. The game worlds contain many clues hinting at the ultimate destiny of the players to create their own selves through the game, and the only way things could possibly go involved the players creating themselves, or else the game session would never happen.

CG: WHICH IS ESPECIALLY PATHETIC SINCE PARADOX SPACE APPARENTLY WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE TO MAKE YOU JUST TO HAVE YOU FAIL AND DIE. CG: REALLY THERE'S NOTHING MORE TRAGIC THAN THESE NULL SESSIONS FULL OF KIDS ENTERING THE GAME AND FULFILLING SOME COSMIC DESTINY SHIT JUST TO GET WIPED OUT AND LEAVE BEHIND AN EMPTY POINTLESS INCIPISPHERE FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Tragic and completely unnecessary, when there are millions of perfectly good humans already in existence who could just as easily create winning game sessions without this aspect of it. Here we see another aspect of Homestuck which hasn’t come up quite so clearly before; an extremely weird take on determinism. I’m not sure if this is meant as a parody of Chosen One plotlines or if Hussie just thought it sounded cool, but it’s uncomfortable. As it turns out, only clones created by SBurb have a hope in hell of winning the game, and even they fail most of the time. Regular people who enter the game to save themselves from the destruction of the planet will fail and die there, which honestly is not really selling this game as a good thing, since it’s what causes the destruction of the planet in the first place. I’ve had actual, legitimate, honest-to-God nightmares about this aspect of SBurb, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think many fans wish to play SBurb. There’s lots of fan sessions and fake GameFAQs and custom Lands. Yet in reality SBurb is not a fun time. This is cosmic horror. I think Hussie is sometimes playing it for horror and sometimes he ignores the implications.

Then again, some people want to live on the troll planet, which is straight-up dystopia.

CHEL: Again, it isn’t really clear what he’s going for. Is it supposed to be terrifying or did he just think it would be clever? Does even Hussie know what he was going for? While it’s not exactly a joke, I think it’s worth another point here:

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 17

It might be a joke. As I said, I could see it as a parody of or playing with the Chosen One narrative. In this case, literally only the chosen ones have any hope, for reasons that are not down to any merit of their own. But if it is, there isn’t really much made of it.

Of course, the reasons people want to live on the troll planet are reasonable when taken alone, but a) contradicted every alternate scene and b) not a fair trade for everything else that’s going on there. But we’ll get to that when we actually see it. And I admit, SBurb powers would be fun, but not worth the loss of my entire species.

TIER: To me at least it's fun in the same way wondering how I'd fare as a wizard during Harry Potter's years at Hogwarts, or a ninja in Naruto is. Fundamentally you'd rather want to never encounter this sorta stuff even if you get some swanky I guess powers, but the mental exercise of it is quite honestly, really fun. The game has quite a lot of interesting things to poke around with, from lands to quests to what your co-players are up to. And I'm def guilty of playing trollsona games, because the world presented is just really fascinating in its gruesome glory.

Never want to have to actually go through it, Lord knows I'd be dead within the first ten minutes if I'm super lucky, but stories about it are pretty neat.

CHEL: That’s true, but the paradox clones thing seems almost to be taunting us for having that mentality. We can pretend we’d be the super-smart strong competent ones who make it, but in this universe if we demonstrably have parents we’re doomed to die for nothing and there’s nothing we can do about it.

BRIGHT: Another fun thing about this is that it fundamentally isolates the players from the rest of humanity. If you think about it, unless they have children with a non-player, they are completely unrelated to anyone else on Earth.

CHEL: And they can’t have kids with a non-player unless something thoroughly horrible happened, because as is stated later SBurb specifically takes its players away and destroys their planet around the point of their puberty.

BRIGHT: Although I think John is actually related to Dad — as far as we’re told, Dad is in fact Nanna’s biological son, which makes him genetically John’s half-brother.

They also miss out on (going by how active the babies are) the first couple of years of life. Those two years are crucial in terms of brain development. SBURB probably controls for that, but it wouldn’t be surprising if there were negative consequences.

Oh, and if you’re a player, your existence means your civilisation is doomed. Lovely!

CHEL: And do the players ever feel any guilt or conflict over this? Do they hell. It doesn’t even occur to them, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t occur to Hussie either.

TIER: Welcome to the hell game that is SBURB; it's fundamentally pretty fucked up! It runs on a hellish scale of "things have already been predetermined" and I am Big Fear™.

CHEL: That’ll come up later, too, but there it’s obviously intentional nightmare fuel, and not at all a bad use of time travel as a story device.

CG, meanwhile, explains that he was the one to create his session’s players. With twelve of them it was a bit more complicated, but troll lineages are complicated anyway, and we’ll find out how later.

The babies are still getting all over the lab. Note that they're repeatedly referred to as "little pink monkeys". Then again, calling a non-white child a monkey really wouldn't be good.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 18

John’s infant self has latched onto the Sassacre book, while his infant Nanna is sitting in Dad Egbert’s old hat. Baby Bro is napping in the lap of Lil Cal; that baby’s braver than I am, I can tell you that. Baby Dave is sitting on Maplehoof, and baby Grandpa has found a pair of pistols. John does not take them away from him, or even seem to notice he has them.

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 7

BRIGHT: Earlier baby Bro broke one of the paradox slime cylinders and was sitting in it. John is pretty astoundingly bad at keeping babies away from obvious hazards.

TIER: That or the equipment is probably not sturdy enough to make it past an inspection into faulty management.

CHEL: But then he’s distracted by CG trolling him again, at least this time moving forward in time from the last conversation.

CG, like GA, apparently fails to grasp sarcasm...

EB: we had this great dare going. EB: to see who could be the least helpful and informative. EB: and you totally lost, dude! EB: you were hella helpful. CG: I WAS OBVIOUSLY JUST SPITING YOUR STUPID POINTLESS HUMAN DARE. [...] CG: ANYWAY, HOW COULD WE HAVE MADE A DARE IF I'M MOVING BACKWARDS ON YOUR TIMELINE.

… which is weird because moments later he uses it himself.

EB: do you even have elves? CG: YES, LET'S COMPARE WHICH FANTASY CREATURES THAT DON'T EXIST WE BOTH DO OR DON'T NOT HAVE. CG: WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, JOHN!

Hussie seems to waver back and forth a lot on whether trolls get sarcasm or not, in general. Since he’s contradicting himself with troll worldbuilding, that’s a point.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19

Banter aside, he informs John that the babies are sent to Earth via meteors during the Reckoning.

BRIGHT: How do they survive the impact? Some of those meteor strikes destroy buildings. Those are some ridiculously resilient kids.

CHEL: Cut to AR, who is still having fun on the rocketboard, until he runs into a frog temple atop a meteor. This is apparently horrifying and illegal by his standards.

You are going to throw whoever is responsible into the slammer. You always call jail the slammer when you are extra angry at crimes.

Inside, he finds an empty time capsule, like Jade’s, some complicated machinery, and a monitor screen showing a greyscale house with a very familiar bespectacled female infant and dirty old hat in it. The year depicted, says the monitor, is 1910. Enter none other than Colonel Sassacre himself.

Eight days prior, the orphan girl was taken in by an aristocratic southern colonel and legendary humorist. He recovered the young lady from a crater where a bakery once stood, operated by the man's wife, a notable baked goods baroness.

An explosion outside leads them both to a crater, where once stood the doghouse of the colonel’s pet, Halley, but before the Colonel can investigate further he’s shot through the heart.

This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual-wield flintlock pistols.

BRIGHT: I remain baffled as to how Baby Grandpa can even lift those things, let alone pull the triggers.

CHEL: Baby Grandpa crawls from the crater, and Halley the dog turns out to be alive.

The young boy has difficulty pronouncing the name though. Sounds more like "Harley" when he says it.

How does he know it? The colonel died before he even noticed the baby was there. Is baby Nanna speaking well enough to tell him yet? I guess he could be told later, as Sassacre wasn’t in fact their only sapient guardian...

Thirteen years later, the boy develops a taste for adventure. He and his guardian bid farewell. His sister is sad. She will be left all alone with the wicked pastry baroness. She can handle it, he tells her. He believes in her.

It isn’t clear why she didn’t go with him, or leave under her own power. They don’t seem to be imprisoned, as the panel depicts them outside on grass with no restraints or guards over them, so it’s not a matter of only one of them being able to get out. That’s a point for Nanna not trying and a point for Grandpa not bringing her:

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 9

That dog is also remarkably lively, considering it, unlike Bec, is an entirely normal dog, it was an adult thirteen years previously, and it’s somehow supporting the weight of an entire teenager on its back (again, please don’t try this at home, you can break the dog’s spine that way).

FAILURE ARTIST: As we’ve said, Colonel Sassacre is a thinly-veiled Mark Twain expy. The real Mark Twain died in 1910 at the same time Halley’s Comet was in the sky. It’s a cute historical gag having him be literally killed by a comet but it does muck up the timeline. Nanna must have been a senior citizen when Dad was born. Perhaps he’s adopted?

CHEL: The other option is that Dad is a senior citizen now, but surely John would have wondered why his dad is so ridiculously old. I think it’s just that thing in mainstream comics and cartoons where adults are split into Old and Not Old, and the parents are normal ages for parents but the grandparents would have to be in their hundreds going by the gags. See how Scrooge McDuck in the DuckTales reboot is over a hundred and forty years old yet his sister’s son is still a youngish adult.

AR notes that the appearifier is centred over Halley the dog, but hears someone coming. It proves to be the Draconian Dignitary. AR hides and watches, noting that DD is carrying Rose’s notebooks and Dave’s beta envelopes. DD keeps the MEOW book, but throws away the other items. Complacency of the Learned lands on the floor, and the envelopes land in the time capsule, which sets to bloom in four hundred and thirteen million years.

Meanwhile, John talks to CG while infant Mom Lalonde pets the mutant kitten. John asks if there’s any way to delay the Reckoning, but nope; CG warns him that the smallest meteors will start going in only a few minutes.

EB: ok, well you keep saying how doomed we are and how all this bad stuff happens sooner, but you never say why! EB: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly? CG: JACK NOIR.

The Jack Noir from the trolls’ game session allied with them and helped them dethrone and exile the Black Queen, while the one from the humans’ session, as you may recall, killed the Black Monarchs and gained their powers, and is currently rampaging through the Incipisphere. John asks if it’s the same Jack Noir, but CG explains.

CG: SO LET'S SAY YOU PLAY YOUR BANDICOOT AND I PLAY MY BANDICOOT. CG: THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME BANDICOOT, SAME APPEARANCE AND DESIGN AND BEHAVIORS. CG: BUT THEY ARE STILL COMPLETELY SEPARATE BANDICOOTS ON SEPARATE SCREENS. CG: SO WE BOTH HAVE OUR OWN ASS BANDICOOTS TO OURSELVES, THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT. CG: OUR JACKS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT TOO. CG: SAME GUY, DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND OUTCOMES. CG: OUR JACK TRUMPED THE QUEEN, BUT GOT NO FURTHER. CG: YOUR JACK GOT THE BEST OF BOTH OF THEM, AND IS NOW SOMETHING HIGHER THAN A QUEEN OR A KING… EB: like an ace? CG: SURE OK.

The trolls don’t know what went so differently to cause the two Jacks to behave so differently, but CG doesn’t think it matters by now. John interrupts him, deciding to do yet another Con Air ending re-enactment.

Watch on YouTube

Recap: montage of Con Air posters and images to the tune of “How Do I Live Without You”. John hands the thoroughly disgusting Con Air bunny to the protesting baby Rose, while CG watches huffily on his monitor. Jade demands a toy too, so John hands her the bunny he received from Rose in an excessively dramatic fashion. CG frustratedly hits himself in the head. In scribbly crayon-like drawings, Casey the salamander performs a drum solo with glowing blue mushrooms for drums and the Con Air plane crashes. More Con Air imagery, John embraces baby Jade and the baby Lalondes while sobbing; GC points and laughs at him over CG’s shoulder and they have a slapfight. John imagines himself in Nic Cage’s iconic wifebeater and mullet and performs an air guitar solo.

TIER: Lemme tell ya, as someone who's only experience with this darn movie is whatever pops up courtesy of John this sequence is just a trip and a half. Possibly a higher number.

CHEL: Cut to end-of-act curtains; they open on the next page, declaring a PSYCHE; there are more pages to go.

Cut to Dave’s hands, covered in the dead Dave’s blood. I… guess he’s supposed to be staring at them in shock? It’s impossible to tell through his shades. For all I know he could be worried about the cleanup. GC trolls him and they banter creepily, with her demanding to know what his blood smells like and him taunting her about her blindness.

TG: just him and me TG: havin a see party TG: like a couple of eagle eyed bros peepin shit up into the wee hours GC: D4V3 GC: C4N 1 COM3 TO YOUR S33 P4RTY? TG: i guess but youll have to be careful not to stumble around bumping into all the gorgeous masterpieces hanging around everywhere TG: god so beautiful to look at with my perfect eyesight GC: C4N 1 L1CK TH3 P41NT1NGS? TG: yeah thats fine

Neither of them seems to take it particularly hard. If there was narrative around the dialogue, I think we’d get a better grasp of how Dave feels. Lacking much body language or punctuation, tone is a bit tricky to get.

FAILURE ARTIST: There’s a character later who gets a lot of grief for insulting her blindness but reading what John, Dave, and CG say I don’t know how that character could be worse.

CHEL: AT, meanwhile, is trolling Jade, rather politely. He even takes time to ask if she’s having a good nap. She’s worried about John’s dreamself not waking, and AT scrolls into his view of the future timeline, but can’t find John awake, nor see into his dreams. Jade, however, will wake up soon, and she thanks him for this report. Unfortunately, when Jade wakes up she will be in danger, and AT can’t see any further. He tells her CG wants to talk to her about her exploding robot. He can’t see whether it exploded or not because there are a lot of explosions, but asking future Jade shows it did, and that she declared CG to be a pretty nice guy, which surprises AT since he doesn’t think CG is particularly nice. Jade says she thinks AT is nice too, and asks why he’s the only one who talks to her while she’s asleep.

AT: bECAUSE YOU HAVE A ROBOT, tO LET YOU SAY THINGS THAT HAPPEN, oN PROSPIT, AT: aND i'M CURIOUS, AT: bECAUSE THE ONLY TIME i EVER HAD FUN PLAYING THIS GAME WAS WHEN i WAS ASLEEP, AT: bUT NOW ALL OUR DREAM SELVES ARE DEAD, AT: }:'(

AT happily remembers his own time on Prospit, and we cut back to Rose, being trolled by GA despite the fact that Rose is obviously in the middle of an epic magic battle. The conversation is understandably chilly, and GA still hasn’t figured out that “Dumb Rose” as opposed to “Smart Rose” was John rather than a bizarre roleplaying scenario.

GC continues trolling Dave. He asks her how she operates a computer without sight.

GC: 1M SORRY D4V3 TH4T YOU W1LL N3V3R 3XP3R13NC3 TH3 S3NSORY BOUQU3T TH4T 1 3NJOY 3V3RY D4Y GC: TH4T 1 3NSCONC3 MYS3LF 1N L1K3 4 W4RM 4ND COMFY B4THROB3 M4D3 OF FL4VOR 4ND M3LODY TG: oh ok TG: so the dumbest and most far fetched explanation imaginable ok got it

Yes, pretty much. This brings me to a Problematykks point; GC is supposed to be blind, but it really doesn’t seem to affect her in any way at all. Its workaround is ridiculously convenient and effective, and while I’m not blind myself, I know many people with physical disabilities hate it when fiction does this. I know I would be pissed off if a piece of fiction showed an easy and convenient way to not have autism anymore. (Horrible, horrible memories of someone back in the days of Livejournal’s Fanficrants of a fic in which autism was somehow cured by having a foursome. I don’t remember how that was supposed to work.) “She’s a space alien” only goes so far in explaining it. Why even bother making her blind if it’s not going to affect her in any way?

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s the least blind blind person in media. Characters like Daredevil from Marvel Comics and Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender have a Disability Superpower but at the end of the day they still can’t do things like read printed text. GC has no disadvantages.

BRIGHT: She can apparently smell and taste photons.

Which raises the question why none of the other trolls ever show a heightened sense of smell or taste. If GC can learn to interpret smells as colours, her sense of smell must have been that strong all along, and there’s no indication in the text that she’s biologically more sensitive than her companions. Trolls must be better at following a trail than bloodhounds.

CHEL: Synaesthesia which makes one strongly associate colours with smells is a thing, and synaesthesia is generally the word the fandom uses to explain Terezi’s ability, but you still have to actually see the colours for that to work. If she was only mostly blind and was picking up blurry colour patches, I could buy it (and that is how the fandom tends to do it with human AUs), but not if she’s supposed to be completely blind, and she still wouldn’t be able to read text that way.

BRIGHT: Time for another animation, and for a hop back into the recent past.

Watch on YouTube

As the meteor locked onto Dave’s house approaches, Dave climbs up the tower to retrieve his cruxite egg from the nest his sprite made. Unfortunately the sprite attacks him, knocking him and the egg off the tower. Bro Strider appears on top of the approaching meteor and slices it in half with his katana; the two halves are diverted by the blow and strike different areas of the city. Dave’s fall is broken by a rocket board, which is presumably how Bro got up to the meteor in the first place. (How did he manage to aim it to intercept Dave’s fall? Wouldn’t it take longer to get from the meteor to Dave than it takes for Dave to fall from the top of the tower to the roof of the building? We shall never know.) The egg hatches, and Dave is transported into the Medium. There’s no sign of what happens to Bro.

CHEL: Yet more cartoon physics around the Strider bros.

BRIGHT: I don’t know if we mentioned this earlier, but although Dave and Bro live in an apartment block that presumably housed multiple people, only Dave’s apartment gets transported into the Medium. Everyone else in the complex is left to die on Earth. SBURB is sociopathic.

Elsewhere in the Medium, back in the present, Grandpa’s ship is approaching Skaia, with Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert on board.

Down on Skaia, Jack Noir draws his sword and slaughters the army WV raised to march on the Black King. WV cowers, but Jack leaves him alive. He then uses the Black Queen’s ring to send some sort of giant red tentacle attack through Skaia, slaughtering Dersite and Prospitian forces indiscriminately.

CHEL: Are they tentacles? I always thought of them as some sort of lightning lasers.

BRIGHT: That makes a lot more sense!

In the ectobiology lab, as the clock ticks down to the Reckoning, the babies are teleported to asteroids around the lab. There must be an air supply in this asteroid belt — characters are consistently shown as being able to survive outside.

CHEL: Maybe it’s just the players’ natural badassery. Batman Can Breathe In Space.

BRIGHT: On Skaia, CD makes his way through Jack’s slaughter fest, which has now ravaged a sizeable chunk of planet, and hands him the White King’s sceptre. Jack raises the sceptre and initiates the Reckoning. The meteorites start to vanish into Skaia’s defence portals. In the frog temple, DD somehow combines the MEOW genetic code with a paradox clone of Halley, creating Jade’s guardian Bec. Bec’s creation damages the laboratory equipment in the temple.

Cut to Jade, who is snoozing peacefully while her dream self explores Prospit. She looks up at Skaia, to see Jack’s shadow passing in front of it. Jack launches his tentacle attack on Prospit, slaughtering the inhabitants, then severs the chain attaching Prospit’s moon to the planet. The moon begins falling towards Skaia.

Jack then flies to LOHAC, where he encounters Bro Strider on one of the turntable mesas. Unexpectedly, Bro is able to give Jack an even fight. After a few exchanges, he drives his katana into the mesa; some sort of golden light emanates from the crack, and Bro absconds.

Wait, how did Bro get onto LOHAC? How did he survive the meteor impacts?

TIER: The ol' "rule of cool". As long as something is sufficiently "absolutely kickass!!" the rules of reality and physics can go sit on the bleachers twiddling their thumbs for all they fucking matter. There's a reason early fandom pinned down Bro as an unorthodox but immensely cool older brother type guy for so long. Because with what little information was available before we got bludgeoned with "No actually he was the absolute fucking worst thing to happen to Dave and fucked him up for life" that was the general impression he gave off.

CHEL: This and the meteor splitting are yet more reason not to take Bro’s treatment of Dave seriously; this is a world in which ludicrous animesque badassery rules the day, and physically impossible feats of battle occur every five minutes. Forcing a child to go through extensive and excessive sword training in brutal heat in a precarious place, possibly every day, ought by rights to be normal there, and I can’t believe he was physically hurt by swordfighting when he survived a meteor collision as an infant. Besides, training that extensive quite possibly could be the only thing that would keep Dave alive in these circumstances.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18

BRIGHT: There’s a random Squiddles interlude, and then we return to Skaia.

John’s unconscious dream self has fallen out of Prospit’s moon as it plummets towards Skaia. Jade tries shaking him awake, and then slaps him, but to no avail. At the last moment, she throws him out of the path of the moon, and her dream self is then killed when it lands on her. Back on Earth, her dreambot overloads and explodes.

CHEL: Taking her tower room with it; Jade’s sleeping body plummets towards the earth.

BRIGHT: The moon leaves a gigantic crater in Skaia. John’s now-conscious dreamself hovers above it.

The babies vanish through the defence portals to Earth.

CHEL: Each takes an item with them. John takes the Sassacre book, Rose the first Con Air bunny, Dave rides Maplehoof, Jade takes the bunny Rose gave to John (which is in fact the Con Air bunny plus several years and repairs), Nanna sits inside Dad’s old hat, Mom takes the mutant kitten, Bro sleeps in the lap of Li’l Cal, and Grandpa dual wields the flintlock pistols he should not be allowed.

BRIGHT: Dave and Rose reach the Gates above their houses and set out to explore their Lands. We close on an eerie shot of Bec outside the frog temple on Jade’s island at night.

CHEL: Jade’s tower room is blown to bits, and a truly enormous meteor hovers over the scene.

Curtains close. End of Act 4. Before Act 5, we receive a message from Rose, via her GameFAQ.

[ZZZZ] Rose: Egress. This is my final entry. My co-players and I have made every earnest attempt, with occasional relapse, to play this game the right way.

Really? You haven’t been in the game for more than a couple of hours and Jade still isn’t in at all! Maybe consider that the fact that not all your players are in the game yet when you wonder why it isn’t working?

I have been meticulous in documenting the process to help our peers and successors through the trials should we fail. In my hubris I believed these classes were relegated to the Earth-bound, but in even this quaint supposition I was in error. Our otherworldly antagonists have assured us of our inevitable failure repeatedly, while the gods whisper corroboration in my sleep. I believe them now. I just blew up my first gate. I’m not sure why I did it, really. I am not playing by the rules anymore. I will fly around this candy-coated rock and comb the white sand until I find answers. No one can tell me our fate can’t be repaired. We’ve come too far. I jumped out of the way of a burning fucking tree, for God’s sake.

I can see her point. The game is horrible and should be stopped. On the other hand, I’d at least attempt to spend more than one day investigating it before trying to break it. Randomly destroying shit is more likely to make things much worse than anything else.

I have used a spell to rip this walkthrough from Earth’s decaying network, and sealed it in one of the servers floating in the Furthest Ring. The gods may disperse the signal throughout the cosmos as they wish. Perhaps it will be of use to past or future species who like us have been ensnared by Skaia’s malevolent tendrils. In case it wasn’t clear, magic is real. Pardon my egress. You’re on your own now.

This note is signed with a glowing multicoloured “RL” and revealed to be emitted from a purple box with an aerial, floating in space. It seems that’s how their internet’s still working.

FAILURE ARTIST: The internet seems to be a magical dimension in Homestuck and not something that’s part of physical infrastructure.

CHEL: Hours in the future, WV lands in the desert remains of Earth, wrapped up in John’s old ghost-patterned bedsheet, which is still white. A villein becomes a vagabond. In his memory, he tears up an effigy of Jack Noir… where’d he get it? Did the game create it for some reason? Anyway, John’s blanket falls on him from the sky as Prospit plummets; WV calls it a RAG OF SOULS. Adorably melodramatic.

John’s awoken dreamself gazes sadly at Jade’s deceased one, which for some reason isn’t actually under the rubble of Prospit and appears to still be three-dimensional. There’s no excessive blood splatter like with the dead Dave, which is good, not too over the top. He retrieves the Queen’s ring from her hand. Was he told at any point that it’s important? Because if he doesn’t know, I’m not sure robbing the dead is very heroic. He sees an image of himself flying over the battlefield in a large cloud above him; in the vision he’s near a castle, so he goes to seek it out.

On Earth, PM wraps herself up in an old Prospit banner. A mistress becomes a mendicant. In her memories, she has beheaded the Hegemonic Brute and is arranging a meeting with Jack Noir. He arrives and she presents the crowns; smirking evilly, he honours their bargain, and the Courtyard Droll brings her the green parcel. She brings it to the castle from John’s vision as he arrives there, hands over the box, and angrily walks away.

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s Honor Before Reason (maybe she’s programmed that way) but she has the right reaction. This is a lot to go through to deliver a package.

CHEL: Inside the box is a letter from Jade’s unknown pen pal, who writes in dark green and a distinctive jolly-hockey-sticks dialect, with a tendency to ramble off on tangents about movies and wrestling.

Anyway you should listen to jade from here on out john because she sure seems to know whats best for you. Whatever your adventure throws at you im sure shell tell you you can handle it. She believes in you.

And another letter from Jade.

even though its super late and you probably went through a lot of trouble to get it, i really hope this present cheers you up! you looked so sad while you were reading my letter. um... which is to say, the one you are reading now.

She explains that in her dreams she goes to Prospit and John’s sleeping dream self is there, and that’s where she gets her visions. She hopes he likes his present, and says her penpal is fun…

john i am REALLY looking forward to seeing you when you wake up!!!!! its been nice playing with my prospitian friends and all, but also kind of lonely knowing you were in the other tower sleeping and having lousy dreams. :( im not sure where i am when you are reading this but im sure ill make it down to where you are soon! (jeez how did you get down there??? oh well ill find out) i cant wait to fly around the moon with you and show you all my favorite places. itll be so much fun!!!!!!!!! :D <3 jade

Ow. I think this is the only time John cries in the entire comic.

A Single Tear(™) is a bit of an understated reaction to the death of one of your best friends who you just recently learned is also your twin sister, but to be fair, John isn’t left with very much time to react, as next panel Jack Noir’s sword is pointed at his face.

BRIGHT: John knows about dream selves and waking selves by now, I think?

CHEL: He knows they’re a thing but I don’t think he knows they count as backup lives. AT told Jade dream selves can die separately from regular selves but I don’t think anyone told John.

FAILURE ARTIST: Jack Noir wants the ring, but then he’s stopped by Jade’s gift: a robotic bunny wielding multiple weapons.

They line up for a fight.

Hours in the future, on a destroyed planet, AR wraps police tape around himself and becomes a Aimless Renegade. Before the disaster, he went to the Veil, where he found a sleeping John. He saves John by putting him on a rocket board.

Back to the robotic bunny. Jack Noir flies away from the fight. Grandpa’s battleship lands and Grandpa takes away Jade’s body. Mom and Dad disembark the ship and wave goodbye as it leaves. Grandpa cries a Single Tear as he transports Jade’s already taxidermed body. Did he have a machine?

CHEL: For that matter, why isn’t he helping anyone who’s actually still alive while he’s there?

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10

FAILURE ARTIST: Nope, transporting a dead body is more important.

Again going back, White Queen leaves Prospit. On landing, she becomes Windswept Questant and wanders the Earth. We go forward years later. She repairs the laboratory and meets up with AR, WV, and PM. WV’s homemade spear hides the ring.

John watches this scene through the clouds of Skaia. He looks at the ring in his hand. In another cloud, there’s Jade’s laboratory. We close in on it and inside is The Fourth Wall. It isn’t turned on, but we are still lead to Andrew Hussie, banging away on a computer keyboard as he recaps the plot for a second time.

CHEL: Which we shall do as well when we’re done with this section, because it’s insanely hard to keep track of everything.

FAILURE ARTIST: Andrew Hussie says Nanna’s comet landed 99 years before John’s “birth” so he has some clue about the age but still doesn’t see it odd that a woman that age has a son who is probably only in his thirties.

CHEL: As I said, it’s also possible Dad was really old too, but that’s never really suggested. Not to mention, since they were brought into existence as toddlers, shouldn’t the kids be noticeably older than the ages given for them? John should be biologically fourteen to fifteen by now and at that age that can make a visible difference. I know the art style doesn’t really give clues, but no one I’ve seen has ever pointed that out in fanfic either.

FAILURE ARTIST: Newborns aren’t distinctive looking and can’t really do the cute things toddlers do. People in TV and movies regularly give birth to six month old infants so it’s not strange.

CHEL: True, but this isn’t TV, it’s a comic, and they don’t have to use an actual infant as a prop here.

BRIGHT: Possibly it’s intentional. Among other things, we see the newly-created players survive short trips through vacuum, crash-land on Earth without even minor injuries, and handle weapons they shouldn’t be able to lift for another four or five years. This could work if players have superhuman abilities (that is, beyond the classpect system). If that was the intent then it really should be made more explicit, though.

Of course, what it really boils down to is that Homestuck runs off Rule of Cool and Rule of Funny, and occasionally breaks down on examination as a result.

On the whole this is a solid Act, I think! We have a lot of new stuff happening, more characters get introduced, and we find out some more about the trolls. It’s much less rambling than Act 1.

COUNTS ALL THE LUCK: 0 ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18 CALL CPA PLEASE: 8 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19 GET ON WITH IT!: 18 GORE GALORE: 10 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 15 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 0 RELATIONSHIP GOALS?: 1 SEND THEM TO THE SLAMMER: 1 SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS: 0 WHAT IS HAPPENING??: 9 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19 TOTAL: 127

#homestuck #Let's read #homestuck meta #reread #literary critique #sporking #Homespork

[abbieestudia]

JLPT N2 Resources

Hello! I am a 4th year university student studying Japanese and Spanish, and I wanted to introduce some of the resources that I've been using to study for the JLPT N2 that I was planning to take in December (until it got cancelled...) I've been studying Japanese for 3 years, and I passed the JLPT N3 in July 2019. I was supposed to go to Japan to study abroad in March this year, but it was cancelled due to Corona, so I've been self-studying N2 material so that I can keep up with my classes when I go back to university. I'm also sorry this post is so long without a read more section, because my Tumblr currently is not working properly and I'm posting on mobile.

The JLPT is made up of 5 sections that are split up over 3 tests: the first is normally Vocabulary (including Kanji) and Reading, followed by Grammar, and then finally a Listening section.

Vocabulary & Kanji:

For studying vocabulary and kanji, I would recommend the 総まとめ (Sou Matome) series of books. They give you clear lists of the vocabulary and kanji that you need grouped by theme, split into manageable chapters that are designed so that you can do a few pages a day for 8 weeks. At the end of each day there is a small test, and then on day 7 there is a more comprehensive test of all the vocab/kanji in that chapter that help test your memory.

In terms of actually remembering this vocab/kanji, I would suggest using the memory card app Anki. I used to always hear people recommending Anki and I didn't understand why, because I didn't get how the software worked, and I didn't want to be confined to just learning 20 words a day, but now that I've been using it for around 6 months now, I understand how beneficial it is. You first learn your 20 new words, and then the next day you review them, and then you continue reviewing cards and build up your memory, and the number of reviews you do per day increases (mine is normally around 100) but it only really takes around 10-15 minutes to do, so I would definitely recommend.

In order to practice the vocab and kanji that you have learned, I would suggest the ドリル＆ドリル文字語彙 (Drill & Drill Moji Goi) book, which is literally just a textbook of example questions that will appear on the actual exam, and I found very useful for consolidating my knowledge and finding other vocab that wasn't in Sou Matome.

Reading:

For reading, I definitely recommend the 新完全マスター読解 (Shin Kanzen Master Dokkai) book. Personally I don't like the way the Sou Matome book is set up in regards to the reading portion, so I prefer how Shin Kanzen Master just gives you lots of practice questions, with little explanations of tips to help you answer at the beginning of each chapter.

I'd also recommend reading whatever you can get your hands on. Bookwalker is a great website for getting Japanese novels online, as I read the book for Kiki's Delivery Service on it and am currently reading the Your Name novel there too. At first it's really difficult to read, and you find yourself looking up lots of words, but I PROMISE it gets easier! On the first few pages of Your Name I was looking up like 30 words a page, but now I can go through at least 3 or 4 before having to look one up. Reading the news is also a good way to practice, such as TBS News, which has short articles that are fairly accessible.

Grammar:

I originally used the 新完全マスター文法 (Shin Kanzen Master Bunpou) book, and copied each of the grammar points along with some example sentences into a notebook, however while I appreciate the thoroughness of the book and the practice questions, I sometimes found that I didn't understand some of the explanations as to how certain grammar points were different, or their uses, and so while I think the book is a good base, I would actually recommend you use free YouTube and website resources.

My first recommendation is the channel 日本語の森 (Nihongo no Mori), who have a whole playlist of videos dedicated to N2 Grammar. From the list that the teacher in the video goes through, I would often then find the grammar point on 日本語NET and look through the explanation and example sentences they have to get a better idea of the grammar's usage.

But again just knowing the grammar point isn't the same as being able to answer questions on them, so I went through the Drill & Drill Grammar book which has hundreds of practice questions so that you can get familiar with how to answer everything and the different situations where different grammar points need to be used.

Listening:

Unfortunately I don't really have any advice for listening, as I haven't done any formal listening practice. I am a big fan of anime, and I've recently switched from watching anime with subs to without, so I can focus on trying to understand what is being said myself. Obviously anime is not necessarily an accurate representation of everyday Japanese or of what will be on the exam, and so if I knew I was actually taking the test, I'd definitely probably use either Sou Matome or Shin Kanzen Master books to practice. Also, during quarantine the voice actor Hanae Natsuki posted videos every day of him and friends playing video games, which I always watch, and I can understand most of what is said, so that counts as extra listening!

And that's all I have to say for now, sorry this was so long. If anyone has any questions on anything to do with the exam or resources, or has any suggestions of resources they've used, feel free to add them or message me!

#jlpt #japanese #studyblr #langblr #resources #japanese resources #language resources #languages #language learning #jlptn2 #jlpt n2 #long post

[attackfish]

As a goy person writing a Jewish Agnostic character what are things that I should take into account?

I flailed a bit when I got this ask, because who am I to say, I'm no expert, why are you asking me? And then I remembered I am a Jew who straddles the line between agnostic and atheist (well we can't know there is no G-d, but the chances there is one are vanishingly small, and either way, G-d is not part of my religious experience), so I may as well speak from experience. The first thing I can say is that there is no way to give you enough information in a simple post, and you might want to find a Jewish agnostic friend to read over what you've written to tell you what rings true and what doesn't.

The second is to remember that there is a tremendous variety of agnostic Jewish experiences, depending on sub-ethnicity, denomination, level of observance, family history, and a million other factors. I for example am the daughter of two atheist Jews, one of whom briefly converted to Mormonism, and left the church before he met my mom. My maternal grandmother is also an atheist Jew.

Both my parents and grandmother were completely alienated from a sense of Jewish identity as children, my grandmother and mother because their family deliberately concealed their Jewishness. My mom began connecting to her Jewishness when I was ten, and I never had a formal Jewish education. My grandmother began reconnecting to her Jewish identity many years before that, but she kept it very private, and never explained to the family why so many of her friends were Jewish until after my mother, who did not know the family history, but knew Judaism called to her, had begun the process of converting.

My father's mother was both of Jewish decent and deeply antisemitic, while his father's family refused to talk about their life before coming to America, probably because it involved the Holocaust. This included their Jewishness. I feel very fortunate to be able to forge my own sense of Jewish identity, like they weren't able to.

That's four very different experiances, and all of us are in the same family line, and all of us are Ashkenazi.

I know people who grew up in proudly Jewish homes where nobody happens to believe in G-d, and I know people who grew up with parents who do believe in the Jewish G-d, who have since realized they themselves do not. I know atheist and agnostic rabbis, and atheist and agnostic Jews who do not observe any Jewish traditions at all.

I can say that as a gentile, you are not the right person to write a story about a Jewish person who has lost connection to their Jewish identity and culture, and never does anything Jewish. This such people exist, and their Jewishness can be examined wonderfully in art and literature, but you as a non-Jew are not the right person to do it.

So you might want to think about how observant you make this character, and how a Jewish worldview may have shaped their sense of the world. For example, I don't eat pork, but I don't keep kosher. I light candles and make bread and tea (instead of wine) for the shabbat blessing, but I don't strictly observe. I make an effort to celebrate the holidays, and when someone in the family dies, I go to shul to say kaddish. My lack of belief is normal in a Jewish context, and does not affect my sense of myself as a Jew or my Jewish practice, and nobody at the shul cares about what I believe or don't believe. I also have many many basic assumptions about the world that come from being raised with a Jewish worldview. It's impossible to describe them all, but this is absolutely something to run past a Jewish friend.

I guess my biggest piece of advice is to figure out what being Jewish means to this character, and to use that to guide how you write them.

#this tag is jewish and so am i #posts i created #do you want to ask a question it doesn't have to be a question

[ireviewstuffsometimes]

A Serious Man (2009) 1/4/20

Starring Michael Stuhlbarg and written & directed by the Coen brothers, this multi-award winning “drama/comedy-drama” (according to google...), was quite odd to say the absolute least.

Now, I won’t fool you–although I doubt you would be fooled–, but I am certainly not a professional reviewer of anything. I’m certain you’d like to know more background, or at least know how much background I know, but I’ll give you everything I can. I’m just doing this because I like consuming copious amounts of media and because I also really like giving my opinions on said media. It’s just nice to write them down sometimes, even when I know the general public won’t care. So anyways, on with the show.

To be fully honest with you, I chose this movie because I am obsessed with “Call Me By Your Name”, in which Michael Stuhlbarg plays Elio’s father. He did a fantastic job in that movie and I vaguely remembered hearing about the awards he won for his part in “A Serious Man”, so after stumbling upon it on Netflix while looking for movies to download before a two hour long car drive I had to make, I decided this was the one, and off I went.

The movie starts in the past, focusing on what I can only assume to be Larry Gopnik, the main character’s ancestors. After being visited by a supposed “dybbuk”, an evil possessing spirit in Jewish beliefs, the wife stabs an ice pick into the maybe-dybbuk’s heart and life carries on? I didn’t really understand what this meant. The best I can assume is that perhaps there is a curse on the family like the wife said at the beginning and that is what is conveyed? Anyways, time flips forward to the 1960s where we are brought into the life of the Gopniks, a Midwestern Jewish family who’s son is soon to be mitzvahed, daughter is desperate to wash her hair, father’s brother is desperate to drain his cyst, mother is seeing another man and looking for a divorce, and father is at the beginning of the end. 

The entire movie is filled to the brim with absolute randomness best described as controlled chaos. Or maybe not controlled, but semi-connected. The best thing I can tell you to do to understand this review is to go watch the film yourself. So many little details happen and they all wind up overlapping each other to make poor Larry’s life a living hell. Maybe he is in hell? But that’s not the point. 

The real point of the story, which, after a couple of hours, hit me like a pile of bricks, is that some things in life are left unanswered. The universe or God or HaShem–however you refer to it–doesn’t always give us exactly what we’re looking for. The movie, however, leaves it up to the viewer to decide whether these unanswered questions are a bad thing or a good thing. While this parable is literally said almost word for word in Larry’s meeting with the second rabbi, you don’t remember it for awhile after seeing the film because your immediate thoughts at the end are “what the hell? that’s it???”. It leaves you with so many unanswered questions that, because we’re so conditioned to movies ending with a solution to the character’s problems, for awhile, you’re just stuck wondering what could’ve possibly happened. So here’s a list of all my questions that are completely unanswered:

Does Larry have cancer? What was on the x-ray that the doctor needed to discuss? Does he ever make it to the doctor considering there’s a tornado coming? Speaking of tornado, does his son die in the tornado? Does Fagle die in the tornado? Does the old Hebrew school teacher ever find the right key to get the basement door open? Why the hell did anyone think that, in the event of a tornado warning, the best thing to do is have all the kids stand outside while the helpless old teacher slowly goes through each key, trying to unlock the basement door? Back to Larry though, does he get tenure? Who was sending the defaming letters to the committee? Was it in fact Sy Ableman? Do Larry and his wife still get a divorce? Does his daughter ever stop washing her hair? Why doesn’t his daughter have enough time for Hebrew school? Does his son learn to value his dad for anything other than fixing the aerial to ensure a clear viewing of The F Troop? Does Larry ever cancel the Columbia records subscription? Does Larry actually fuck his next door neighbor? Is Larry’s property line issue ever fixed after the one man dies of a heart attack? Does Larry still have to pay for that man’s services even though the man died? Does Larry’s brother Arthur actually get jail time? Was Arthur really committing sodomy? Is Arthur’s cyst really that bad? Does Larry end up taking the bribe from Clive? Does Rabbi Nachtner ever stop telling the story of the goy’s teeth? Was “help me” really ever written on the goy’s teeth? Why are some questions in life left unanswered and why are we just expected to accept this???

While this movie does pose a big question of whether it is better to spend life constantly searching for the answer to even the smallest of questions or to give up and try to forget about all those unanswerable questions, it doesn’t pose this question in a rude way, unlike other films that often dole out insults rather than advice. Was this my favorite movie ever? No. But I certainly understand why it won so many awards. It tricks the viewer into authentically struggling with the same questions as the main character and forces us to ask “is there an answer?”, automatically making us sympathize with Larry so much more when we realize that we are in his shoes. Everybody is selfish and when they consume media, they are only doing so in order to find a character that is a reflection of themselves. When somebody with at least some brains in their head watches this movie and begins to wonder if there is an answer just like Larry does, they immediately connect with a character in a way that they might not have been able to. 

I am not Jewish. I am not a man. I was not alive in the 60s. I have never experienced divorce, nor do I have children. I’m not a college physics professor seeking tenure, and I certainly don’t live in the Midwest. On all accounts, I am nothing like this character. Except, I am. We both want answers to the unanswerable and that is what makes us fundamentally the same and makes “A Serious Man” a seriously enjoyable film for all those who can’t stop asking questions that nobody knows the answer to and that many people don’t even think to ask. Verdict: 7 out of 10 promised hot soups.

#a serious man #michael stuhlbarg #movie #movie review #review #coen #coen brothers #film #film review #academy award winner

[ask-de-writer]

ON THE ROADS OF EQUESTRIA : Origin of the Rom, part 4 :  MLP Fan Fiction : Part 2 of 5

ON THE ROADS OF EQUESTRIA

The fourth part of the Origin of the Rom

ORIGIN OF THE ROM SERIES in reading order.  (will be completed as the stories are posted in linked form)

Part One : NORE’S CHOICE, which starts HERE

Part Two : WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA! which starts HERE

Part Three : FAIR AND UN-FAIR, which starts HERE

Part Four : ON THE ROADS OF EQUESTRIA, which starts HERE

Part Five : THE FIRST ROM HEARTHWARMING,  which starts HERE

Part Six : SANDO’S LAKE, which starts HERE

Part Seven : A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE ROM, which starts HERE

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

7755 words

© 2016 by Glen Ten-Eyck

Writing begun 01/08/16

All rights reserved.  This document may not be copied or distributed on or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may reblog the story.  They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions, provided that such things are done without charge.  I will allow those who do commission art works to charge for their images.  All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fictions is actively encouraged.

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Bringing them back to the cook fires, she chirped, “Look what I found!  I think that I saw a stand of nettles back there in the woods, too!”

Heads all turned to stare like compass needles!  Nore just put aside our other lunch fixings and got out our big baking griddle with its cooking covers.  She set it over the fire to heat.  Sarel, Maina, Malit, and Phappa made a beeline for the woods.

Nore happily showed Shehan how to mix the sorrel and leaves of the nettles and mash them to a fine paste-like mix.  They formed the mashed leaves into patties and baked them on the griddle, under covers.

“We keep this a secret, Shehan, dear. When the patties are toasted, they will be Ka'check.  We can eat them as is or make a flour of them to make our many other snacks and good foods.”

Shehan, the pretty leather and gilt Freedom on her head glinting in the sunlight, nodded.  “I understand, Nore.  Mothers Maina and Malit have carpentry and wheelwright secrets that we keep from the town ponies too.”

Sarel set up her portable retting vat, a small two wheeled trailer wagon with a tightly lidded tank.  She loaded in all of the stripped nettle stalks and set weights on them. She added water to help break down the stalks and free the fine fibers that were one of the bases of her excellent weaving.

As she helped Nore to bake up the Ka'chek patties, Shehan looked about at our encampment.  Even though the stop had not been planned to go this long, her adopted mother Maina had a carpentry project out and was serenely shaving two small planks for an exact fit.  He other adopted mother, Malit was happily chiseling the rough work on a new wheel hub.  Big Phapa, our blacksmith, had out an iron strip that she was cold hammering into the circle of a new iron wheel tire.  Sando was working on a drawing for some device and Rom, their leader, was passing quietly between the industrious horses, seeing all that was being done and offering some advice on what might be needed next.

Since the batter was already made up, I got busy dipping chunks of dried fruits on the tips of skewers and toasting them for any hungry horse to eat.  I may appear to be a donkey but that does not change a thing about food.  I like the same things.

Happily, our filly pointed out to me, “I don’t really understand why you want to find us some place to buy and settle down to farming or some such.  I was an orphan in Haulmarket.  They never treated me well.  The only good ponies I ever met were here.  The Rom on the roads.  

“The Royal Road Police have been good to us.  We have met some others that were nice too.  None of them had anything to do with running a town.  My mothers have told me how Sunbreak and her Royal Armored Pegassi unit saved them and their caravan when it looked like it was going to fall down the slope at Riten’s Notch.

“Why do you want us to settle in with ponies that don’t like us, Marchhare?”

That stopped me cold.  I smiled at our perceptive youngster and told her, “You have just ruined my whole day, Shehan.  You have got me to thinking!”  I thumped the top of my head with a hoof.  

Shehan giggled at my antics but persisted, “I really do not understand why you want us to settle down somewhere.  When we do a fair, if there are ponies that we don’t like, we can just leave them behind.  When we meet some that we do like, we can come back to them at the next fair. “

I gave her an appraising stare.  “Those are actually good points, Shehan.  I will seriously think about them. It may be that I will need to change how I am guiding the band.”

Shehan booped me on the nose as she pointed out another thing.  “I am only a filly.  In towns, nopony takes what I say seriously.  That only happens here, among the Rom.”

I wrinkled my brow as I asked, “THE Rom?”

Shehan nodded.  “All of the town ponies call us that.  It is just them shortening the Band of Rom to Rom.  Some of us are going along with it because it is easier than trying to correct them all the time.”

I twisted a lip sourly as I agreed, “I have heard it among the town ponies.  I did not expect to hear it here.”

Rom, overhearing, offered, “It makes it easy for them.  Why not let them?  It also gives us a short and clear identity.”

I nodded at that one.  “It makes sense, my friend.  Too much sense.”

Rom sat next to me and got out a map of the Royal Roads.  He was pointing to a possible problem.  “Marchhare, to get to the Haymarket Fair, we are going to have to pass through Haulmarket again.  We had so much trouble with them at their Summer Fair.

“I have noticed that Haulmarket has notices up for their big Autumn Fair.  They have put it on the same days as the Haymarket Fair.”

Nore, leaning her head over to look at the map, observed, “The Haymarket Fair was created by a Royal Decree to help the village to recover from that disastrous flood last summer.  Haulmarket will have to change the date of their Fair.”

Rom, showing the wisdom that caused the others to follow him, pointed out, “How they treated us last summer was a violation of Crowns law too, Nore.  It did not stop them.  What stopped them was the Royal Road Police.  We may want their aid again.”

Nore, remembering well how Haulmarket tried to cheat us, nodded.  “I can see how that could be.  Perhaps if we had a few of the RRP officers hide in our caravans, they could overhear the problem and do whatever is needful.”

I nodded.  My friends and wife were sorting things out on their own.  Such help as I could give would only be if they suggested something illegal or wrong.

I did not really think that I was going to be needed at all.  Except for Pulling the caravan.  Actually, considering the sheer size of my dear wife Nore, I probably wasn’t really needed there either.

Nore almost seemed to be reading my mind.  She was good at that!

She leaned down an nuzzled me.  “Dear Love, never forget that however well we learn the ways of Equestria, we ALWAYS need you.  We know what happened, that last day on the Desert of Celestia’s Anvil.  You came back for us, after … your nap, to guide us.  We need that guidance now and likely always will.

“It is a great comfort to us to know that you will be with us always.”

I noticed that everything was being packed away.  Rom saw my glance and confirmed, “We have harvested and prepared what we can.  It is almost time to for us to hitch up and Pull.”

I noticed that Sando was watching the whole procedure as we hitched up.  Lively interest was writ wide across his face.  As Nore and I finished our hitch, she began our starting cadence.  “Lean left!  Lean right!  Pull left!  Pull right!  Pull!  Pull!”  The heavy caravans of our whole band got smoothly underway.

Little Shehan, hitched just ahead of her adoptive mothers, began to sing the Shehan Ja Rom in perfect Gyptian.  The whole band picked it up.

They moved seamlessly to other chants. The band called them Road Songs.  I was especially fond of one that they were still hammering out to perfection.  They called it the Two Green Vines.  The songs by any name made the kilometers seem short and the Pull easy.  The ponies of hamlets and small villages, too small to have fairs, nevertheless lined the road to cheer us on.  

With only one fly in the ointment, a Haulmarket Fair flier just posted in the village of Clover Hill, we made our way toward the Road Section Toll Gate.

It was not too long before we pulled over at the local Royal Road Police headquarters.  The desk pony looked up from his solitaire game in mild irritation.  I hoofed over the Clover Hill notice board announcement of Haulmarket’s illegal fair.  I pointed out, “They are advertising our singing, dancing, snacks and unique hoofiecrafts.  The only flies in their ointment are that we have already signed contracts with the Haymarket Fair and it is cross scheduled with a Fair set by Royal Decree.”

Little Shehan, standing beside me, giggled.  “He really blew his stack, didn’t he?  Took that flier straight back through that door!”

I nodded.  “What did you expect?  Who is the High Commissioner of the Royal Roads?  Princess Luna.  Whose idea was the Royal Decree to give the Village of Haymarket a Fair to help it recover from this summer’s Red Branch flood disaster? Princess Luna.”

The door opened.  Sargent Convoy came out to meet us.  He said, “Marchhare, Sir, do you have actual contracts signed or just promises made?”

I pulled out our ledger and removed the contracts from the back pocket of our account book.  Sargent Convoy looked them over and nodded grimly.  “I was afraid of this.  We have the service receipt for the Royal Order demanding them to move the date of the Haulmarket Fair.  

“This flier shows that they have directly violated a Royal Decree.  We are going to have to close their Fair.  Whether they retain town status and the right to have Fairs at all, will be put under the Royal Wing.  Princess Luna will not be a happy pony!”

Rom had come in and overheard the Sargent’s statement.  Sargent Convoy regarded Rom for a moment and said, “As I recall, you are the leader of this band of  pon … horses?”

Rom agreed, “I am.  What would you have of us?  The RRP has always done right to us.  Few others in positions of power have done so.  What you need, if we can do it, is yours for the asking.”

The Sargent relaxed.  “I was hoping that you would help us.  The Haulmarket Fair is advertising your activities at their event on the same day that you are contracted to be at the Haymarket Fair.  Considering how they misbehaved at their Summer Fair, I want to see how they plan to get you to do it.

“Would it be possible to hide myself and some troopers equipped for trouble in your wagons?”

Rom looked blank at the word wagon. Little Shehan spoke to him in Gyptian, “<< He means our caravans. >>”

Rom nodded then.  “You may.  Those caravans are our homes but we will trust you and your ponies in them. We were trying to think how to ask that very favor.  Thank you.”

We were almost to the Haulmarket Fairground cutoff when Foulip and his cronies stepped out of the brush lining the roadside.  Two of them were armed with military pikes, their long, needle like points glittering in the sunlight.

Grinning meanly, Foulip declared, “You are going down the cutoff to our Fairground.  Got it?  We are generously going to allow you to keep a third of all the coin that come your way.  Out of that, you gotta pay the Fair fee.  You also got to pay us Firewood and Water Access charges!”  He stuck his head forward, low, lips protruded in insult as he finished, “What do you think of them apples?”

I regarded him calmly and retorted, “Not much.  Those pikes have to be an empty threat.  Try to use them and the least charge will be attempted murder.

“We are contracted for the Haymarket Fair, which is the ONLY legal fair in the Red Branch Section, this coming weekend.  Your terms are completely illegal and amount to Slavery under the Crowns Law.  Slavers get the Traitor’s Drop.”

Foulip glared at me and snapped, “The fat bottoms up in Canterlot gotta find it out and they won’t!  We are here!  They ain’t!  You are a mere donkey.  Those so called horses of yours are not registered either!  They dance for us or you die! Nopony will miss a lousy donkey!”

TO BE CONTINUED

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#ON THE ROADS OF EQUESTRIA #Origin of the Rom part 4 #MLP #Written by De Writer #Part 2 of 5