#how many pets does she have i wonder /pos

[mistydeyes]

fake hypochondriac

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hypochondria

hy·​po·​chon·​dria noun

excessive concern about one's health especially when accompanied by imagined physical ailments

summary: If an apple a day, keeps the doctor away then what keeps a pharmacist away? Whatever it is, Ghost wants to eradicate it. This man's small crush will send him to extremes. A sequel to "a panacea"

pairing: Ghost x pharmacist!Reader

warnings: medical/pharmacy terminology, medical inaccuracies, swearing, depiction of wounds, fluff, and flirting

a/n: by popular vote, ghost's sequel won! don't worry though, price's will be coming real soon ;)

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The unit had been a buzz about your work as a pharmacist officer. From clearing Gaz’s congestion to the ridiculous bandage you gave to Ghost, they simply would not stop talking about you. Soap even tried to convince the doctor that he needed to visit you for a malady of reasons but your colleagues were smarter than that. You had to give it to him, the fake food coloring blood applied to his stitches was a nice touch. It became a running joke in the medical wing. Some of your closest work friends even gushed about how the men would talk about you as if you had discovered the secrets to eternal life.

All joking aside, in all your years here, people had called you pet names and made small attempts at flirting but you always had your main goal on your mind: provide the best care so they can stop bothering me. However, one man caught your eye. No one would ever know that the masked man who wore a star bandaid was the one who stole your heart.

Of course, you’d never want anyone to have to constantly come visit you on the pretense of needing medication but you valued the time spent with him. Somehow he ended up needing every single vaccination. From pneumococcal to typhoid, you wondered if you should tell him that these were all voluntary.

Little did you know, he made every effort to miss the optional clinics and went straight to you upon his return. Your soft touch and even softer laugh were like music to his ears. He didn’t know how many people were graced by your presence like this but he tried to make himself the most memorable one.

His younger self would have laughed at his antics. His mother used to say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Even though you weren’t a doctor, he would cut down every apple tree and burn every pie if it meant seeing you daily.

One day, Soap gave him an idea. The team was ending another debriefing with Laswell and making conversation as they left the room. “I wish I could visit the lass but all she does is either give me my meds or gives her whatever you call recommendations” Soap groaned as he lugged the large number of building layouts and files in his arms.

“Pharmacological and non-pharm recommendations, Sergeant” Price corrected. “You better learn their terminology, they didn’t go to school and experience those muppets at the local chemist’s for nothing.”

That was it, Ghost would ask you for some silly non-pharm recommendation like Gaz had and keep coming up with new ailments to keep visiting you.

The plan was in place, following the lunch rush he walked to the medical wing and made his way to the pharmacy.

You stood in the back, answering yet another phone call from a doctor. “As I said before, you need to find out what their reaction is to penicillin and other beta-lactams. I don’t care if they say they have a true allergy, you know anaphylaxis is the only indicator. And no, I’m not ordering something off the formulary just because your patient says they were sneezing after a bout of amoxicillin. Just call me back after you spoke to them and if you really need it, then you know where to reach me.” With that, you slammed the phone down and let out a groan. You knew pharmacology was no doctor's favorite subject but this was antibiotics 101.

Your technician came around the corner, “Captain L/N, is everything alright?”

“You know we’ve been working together for what 2 years now? I’m just Y/N especially back here in this phone call hell.” you laughed as you sat down in your chair. “I’m alright, just another medic trying to get me to order something off the formulary for kicks”

“Well Y/N, there is someone here to see you. Just a soldier complaining of a sore throat. He says the doctors won’t prescribe anything because they haven’t observed anything wrong.” Your tech responded before disappearing amongst the shelves to fill some incoming scripts.

You made your way to the front where you were surprised to see Lt. Riley wearing a face mask (although still with the ghost print). Even though he had been coming for months now, live vaccines had to be spaced out by 28 days, you had not seen his face fully. His eyes were trained down and you noted his surprisingly light eyelashes. He still had the ever-present eye black and you wondered how he kept his lashes so pristine. If it was a mascara or a brand of makeup remover you needed to know!

“Simon,” you spoke in a cheerful voice. By now, you were on a first-name basis. It only took one tuberculosis skin test for him to encourage you to call him by his name. To be fair, when you held his arm gently to measure the area he would’ve told you anything.

“You aren’t due for any vaccinations you know. You’ve cleared me out! I’m sure the doctors would think I’m sticking you for my pleasure and your pain.” you joked. You were teasing but you knew there was no way he was here for yet another immunization.

“Not this time, love. I’ve got this tickle in my throat. It hurts when I swallow and I swear Soap saw my tonsils angry and inflamed,” he replied.

“And the doctor didn’t diagnose you with bronchitis or call for your tonsils to be removed?” you questioned. It wasn’t unusual for them to miss anything but you were realistically unable to prescribe anything to him.

“Well let me take a look. If you want to head over to the vaccination area then you can take your mask off. I’m sure you are familiar with where it is.” With that, he nodded and walked toward the designated area. He appreciated your kindness and that you valued his privacy.

You let your technician know where you’d be and they waved you off saying they could handle the onslaught of soldiers if it came to it.

As you entered the corned-off area, you saw Simon there, fiddling with his mask. You didn’t understand why he was so nervous, how could someone so well acquainted with violence be nervous of a flashlight and quick examination?

“Don’t worry, I’ll sure to be quick. I just need you to remove your mask and open up wide,” you explained and fished in your pocket for your pen light. To any recruit, they would’ve made a cheeky comment to your command but Simon obliged to your ask.

As he lowered your mask, you couldn’t help but admire the man in front of you. He was gorgeous. He looked like he was carved from a model like some Greek deity. His face was adorned by various silvery scars that looked painted on a portrait with metallic paint. His jawline was sharp and his lips were blush pink with an even sharper cupid’s bow. You made sure not to ogle for too long and began your assessment.

As you pointed your flashlight, you examined his throat and tonsils, trying to find if the doctor had missed anything. But when you saw no redness and his lymph nodes weren’t swollen, you didn’t know what to say.

“Hm, well good news and I guess bad news but I’m not seeing anything here. I’m not sure what to tell you but I wish I could help” you said in a defeated tone. You looked saddened by your lack of discovery and this made Simon want to scratch his whole plan.

“But,” you began, as he put on his mask, “my grandparents would always say ‘Y/N, all you need is to get some good rest and have a cup of tea with lemon’” you explained, trying your best to impersonate your best old person voice. Simon chuckled at your attempt. God, you really knew how to brighten someone’s day, and who could not love your sweet, grave voice?

“Sorry to take your time, love, but I’ll be sure to let you know,” he said and stood up before giving you a thankful look.

“The pleasure is all mine, Simon. I try to do what I can for one of my favorite patients,” you replied. You were laying on the flirting hard, something you would lie in bed cringing about later.

With that, he walked out of your little bubble and went about his day. You watched his muscular ass figure exit as you too returned to your day.

Although you thought you had cured him with some good advice, you were visited every other day for the next few weeks as he still had the same complaint. You had recommended everything following each checkup. From spoonfuls of honey and thyme lollies to encouraging hot showers and steam therapy, you were out of options. By what seemed like his 10th visit, you were prepared to march him down to radiology and make sure that this wasn’t some terrible looming illness.

“Still having that sore throat, huh?” you questioned as he walked through your doorway. He nodded in agreement and you picked up the landline. “I’m making a quick call, we’ll get this sorted out.”

“Hi, this is Captain. L/N. I have Lt. Riley here and he has been complaining of a sore throat for weeks. Is there any way the lab could run a throat culture as well as some blood work for me?”

And that’s how Simon ended up in the doctor’s office with a cotton swab down his throat and multiple needle pricks to his veins. He should’ve picked something more benign like reoccurring IBS but then again he might have ended up with a finger up his ass instead of the swab.

Two days later, you received a notification that the results were in. To your dismay, the results showed nothing. The swab was negative for every infection and his blood cell counts were all within normal range.

Frustrated, you told your tech you’d be back and walked your way to Cpt. Price’s office.

You knocked on the closed door hoping not to disturb the man. His baritone voice echoed into the hallway as he told you to enter.

“Hi Captain, sorry to bother you,” you said noting the mountain of paperwork on his desk as well as his extinguished pile of cigars. “But I was wondering if you had noticed anyone else in your unit with a sore throat. Lt. Riley has been coming to the pharmacy for a few weeks now and no one can figure it out.”

“Not that I know of. We haven’t run drills either so I know our quiet Ghost isn’t necessarily screaming at the recruits. He hasn’t come to me either with any complaints,” he explained and leaned back in his chair. He knew that Ghost was wasting your resources so he decided to let you in on a secret.

“As their commanding officer, you know I highly value the word of my men. But I do remember during my school days, that boys would tend to lie about an illness just to get sent to the infirmary and eventually home,” he explained. “It’s no secret that some soldiers, even Ghost, show a fondness for you.”

You blushed at his response, you couldn’t imagine that of all people, the stoic Ghost had a schoolboy crush on you. Hell, you hated your school nurse and always dreaded going to the doctor. You went days before telling your mom that you might have broken your finger during recess (you can still remember her rushing to the emergency room the minute she saw your bruised and puffy finger).

“I’ll talk to him the next time he comes in, which I hope he doesn’t,” you said, “thanks for the advice. And don’t forget, I always have a pack of nicotine gum for you if you ever decide to quit.” He chuckled and politely shooed you away. As you shut the door, you shook your head as you heard a lighter flick and smelled the familiar scent of a cigar.

Right on schedule, Simon came strolling into the pharmacy. You had just finished chatting with Soap and chastised him for yet another antibiotic prescription. This time it was for an infected foot wound after forgetting to change his socks and wading in still, grimy water during a mission.

As Soap gave you a cheeky smile saying he’d be back, Ghost tried to suppress his jealousy. Why did Soap have to be blessed with a purulent foot wound instead of him? Maybe he’ll try that one next.

“Ah Simon, I’m heading out to lunch if you’d like to join. I’m presuming it’s still the throat issue so I can check it out after.” You said and reached into the fridge under the counter to grab your food.

You made sure to lock up the pharmacy and lower the protective barriers, you couldn’t let anyone access the “good stuff.” Your tech said their goodbyes as they went to the mess hall for some warm food.

It was the dead of summer but today was surprisingly balmy. You knew there were some tables outside so you pushed the exit door and sat down on one side. He sat opposite you as you opened up your salad and half sandwich.

“So, can I tell your story?” you said before taking a bite. He nodded watching you intently.

“There was a time I broke my finger during recess and didn’t tell my mom for the next 3 days. You should’ve seen her face when I revealed my oozing, bruised ring finger. The thought of missing school and recess was devastating so I hid it like a child.” you explained and held up your left hand showing how your ring finger was slightly askew compared to the others. He laughed heartily, which made you also laugh in return.

After wiping some tears from your eyes you went on, “And that’s why my mom was so shocked when I got my MPharm. She always tells my dad that she doesn’t understand how someone so adverse to doctors went into healthcare.”

“We all have our weird obsessions, plus you are a natural,” he said and was almost at a loss for words as you smiled back at him, the sun hitting perfectly on your face and dancing in your hair.

“Anyways, I told Captain Price that story and he had such a different experience. He said that as a young lad, he and his mates would do anything it would take to get into the infirmary and home. I couldn't believe kids were so smart and had the forethought to plan something like that!”

Ghost knew where this was going. He also received notification that the tests came back clear of any illness. He knew the jig was up but couldn’t run away from the confrontation.

“Now, I’m not debunking your mystery illness, Simon. But I just wanted to talk to you privately and ask if there was anything else that you haven’t told me?” You asked and knew you had got him hook, line, and sinker. His eyes glancing around and his sweaty palms were confirmation of your theory.

He took a few moments to answer and you both sat in silence. You finished the remainder of your food and wiped your hands neatly as he stroke the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“I guess I was just finding an excuse to talk to you,” he began to explain and you could see his extremities begin to grow flush. “I, uh, didn’t know how to so once I ran out of excuses with the shots, I decided to fake a sore throat,” he sheepishly replied.

With his confession, you couldn’t help but laugh. And laugh you did. Hard. It took you a minute before returning your composure.

“You know that the other soldiers can just have a regular conversation with me. I don’t bite and I swear I’ve talked Gaz’s ears off about pollen and flowers. I just feel bad now for making you undergo all those tests,” you said gently placing your hand on top of his.

“I do see what you mean though. If I had a doctor as handsome as you, I would have every illness, injury, and question under the sun.” You couldn’t leave him thinking you didn’t reciprocate your feelings. With that, it was your turn to blush.

“It’s rather childish isn’t it?” He said as he gently caressed your other free hand. “Sorry for wasting your time.”

“How about you make it up to me with dinner? I can show you that there’s more than just textbook knowledge to me” you offered, “I know a surprising amount about languages, I can flirt with you in 10 different ones.”

“It’s a date, gorgeous. I’m all ears for anything you have to say,” he said and you both looked like lovesick teens, “As long as you keep this a secret. You know the doctors would never believe me if I actually got sick.”

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After months of dating, you revealed a secret. “After I spoke to Price, I had a suspicion to check your medical record. You know I could see you never went to the doctor right? You never logged any visits for your alleged sore throat.” You said jokingly and lightly punched his shoulder. “I just can’t believe you roped everyone into it. I can have a normal conversation, babe.”

He laughed at your reveal and kissed the top of your forehead. “I just wanted to make sure your university course load prepared you for anything.”

#task force 141 x reader #task force 141 #cod x reader #call of duty modern warfare #cod mwii #modern warfare 2 #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #call of duty #mw2 imagine #madebyizzie #mw2 #pharmacist! series #izzie is writing

[weaselbeaselpants]

Shout Out to all the vegans who aren't insane. There's actually a lot of them out there

and I hope they're all having a nice day =)

To be honest, while I'm all for humane farmers (shameless promo for @dairyisntscary, they’re darling and I get to lookat cute cows when I see their blog) but if they made a milk substitute that doesn’t make me sick, I’d be all for quitting dairy. I’d still eat eggs though. My point being:

veganism is not inherently unhealthy, sickly, or even prompted JUST BECAUSE people want to help animals. Some people just honestly like the lifestyle. And good for them.

Vegans and vegetarians should not ever have to feel like they made the wrong decision or that they shouldn’t have meat+dairy eating friends. We can all coexist so long as we all fight cruelty to animals- the road to which is going to involve a LOT of trial and error (and 0 PeTA). The fact is some people (like me) can’t go vegan where other people can’t eat dairy or meat. You shouldn't badger people about the ‘right’ foods that will magically ‘fix’ them. No food does that. Let people live how they want if it isn’t hurting them or others. Don’t EVER shame indie farmers and rescuers for keeping and caring for the animals they love. Alternatively, it’s good to do research and not make blanket statements about how something “can’t be” cruel. ((Ex 1. Sheep don’t shed their wool. It needs to be shorn and most farmers in the US are good about this. Australia and New Zealand’s wool on the other hand? A LOT of abuse goes down there esp with genetically modified animals. Be wary of buying wool from Australia. Ex 2. For all the Joe Exotics and SeaWorld’s of the world, there are absolutely wonderful wildlife sanctuaries and zoos that need our support. Zoos are possibly the one inhumane form of animal husbandry that has evolved to be about the animals and not the people keeping them.)) I get mad for my stupid veggieSis and cool vegan friends when the arbitrary ‘good guy’ in this argument has to be the meat eater. I get mad at people hating Lisa for turning vegetarian in The Simpsons when the episode where she does so is so obviously critical of the meat industry. You guys deserve your representation.

You know what you also deserve? Literally anyone who’s not ThatVeganTeacher.

Katie Karen is the epitome of the worst possible kind of vegan and the reason actually sane vegans don’t feel comfortable sharing their diet/lifestyle. They know people will associate them with Katie. They’ve been hurt too many times by vegans like Katie who shame them for not being vegan “enough” or using her diet -their diet- to trash talk their culture, beliefs, and sexualities.

No nonJew has any right comparing meat industries to the holocaust. If something involving the treatment of animals speaks to the humanity in you; like it did for Robbyne Kaamil who wrote a song comparing her enslaved ancestors to Lolita the killer whale; make what you will. And yet it IS sick to proudly value animal’s lives over human rights. We are animals too and intelligent animals care for their own first a foremost ((elephants, dolphins, parrots, pigs, primates)) before we care for the animals around us. We should care about the animals too but people always come first.

Not that Katie cares about animals herself, fyi. Any decent dog or cat owner knows their pet can’t turn vegan with them. Raise a freakin’ pig if you want an animal to go vegan with you. Katie is abusing her dog, Bella, by forcing Bella to eat vegan food that she can’t digest because she’s a fucking dog. Bella should be taken away from Katie and given real dog food. She’s a carnivore.

One of the most disgusting things about Katie is her treatment of minors and people younger than her. I pray to god she’s lying about being a teacher because jeezus christ. That woman would make me hate myself if I were in Elementary school. She shouldn’t be allowed near children especially when she makes comments to teenagers like this:

Katie is a gatekeeper. Everything in her life has to be about her and her brand of veganism. She is a walking, talking PeTA advert. She makes life so much harder for vegans as well as Animal Right's Activists. She’s a living example to people who hate vegans why they think all vegans are bad and her call for veganism is ultimately all about her and not the feelings of anyone else.

I feel like this is an important post to make because any time there's this kind of discourse about creepy vegans or PeTA or whatever it HAS to invite some pos eating meat just to stick it to the big-bad vegan-crazies like Katie. You're doing nothing but adding more fuel to the fire and you need to be taken out of the arena. No one wants you here - farm-guy who thumbs up next to the cow carcass he's strung up and mutilated just so you can see a creepy vegan's reaction. You're creepy too.

Both avid meateaters and devout vegans have disturbing alt-right racist ties that are worth addressing BY the people who share their diet. They need to be taken down a peg and not just by people that'd hate them regardless of their politics. They need to be taken down by their contemporaries.

This post is for those vegans who are done with people like Katie and want to save her poor dog. I want more vegans coming out of the woodwork and roasting her with their vegan enchiladas- served with a tall glass of oat milk.

This is a vegan-friendly blog.

This also a kosher-friendly blog and vegetarian friendly blog. This is a being-a-decent-dog-owner-friendly blog. I am not irredeemable by respecting these people as well. I'm irredeemable if I support abuse, neglect, and bigotry, which is what Katie supports.

#that vegan teacher #vegan #tumblr vegans #vegans deserve better #dairy isn't scary #animal rights #I know it feels like I'm talking for/over people here and for that I'm sorry #but UGH #I hate this woman's stupid awful face she is that loathsome #tw:animal abuse

[kervinredfire]

My Other Fanfics in the Future

Well, I made announcements about my 2 Loonatics fanfics-related stories coming soon. So here are my other fanfics that I am making. But before I am going to show you my other fanfics, I like to share what most of them are like. Kervinverse related. If you checked my Tumblr header it's pretty obvious.

As you may wonder what is the Kervinverse is all about? The Kervinverse is like the multiverse but with all different kinds of Kervin. Inspired by Spiderman Into the Spiderverse all the versions of Kervin contained different personalities, stories, almost the same appearance, fighting styles, and special abilities. One of the most signature outfits is the black and red formal suit.

I already made a folder in toyhouse. However, most of it are unfinished and still ongoing.

https://toyhou.se/Kervin619/characters/folder:812137

People think that those stories a self-insert but it is actually not. Me and my other Kervins are the same but they are different the appearance, abilities, and personalities. An example is Denk Ops’s Chris Danger from the WWE games. And note that this is another long announcement for the other fanfics

So anyway, here are my Kervinverse stories that I would really like to share about Wattpad in the future. So are book covers later

KERVINVERSE STORIES (Including crossovers):

Grand Theft Auto Origins: Kervin Made Liberty – Set in the GTA HD Universe. Before Kervin (GTA Online) came to the place called San Andreas, he was just a very young boy who was born in the place called Liberty with his parents. His father Claude who became rich and retired to a life crime and his wife Misty who used to be a prostitute. It was normal and happy life for him and his parents. But when years passed when he is getting older, he slowly starts to realize what kind of broken world he is living in.

Now for those who played the HD Universe of the GTA Games you know every protagonist in the HD universe like Niko, Johnny, Luis, Michael Franklin, and Trevor. As much as they have different stories and perspectives but this story about GTA OC that he was living with full of offensiveness, disrespectfulness, brutal honesty, and others. An example in GTA IV a radio commercial of Babies Overnight that said that someone was not satisfied with the baby it can be disposed of. Although it would be interesting to have that backstory for my next OC for GTA. So, this story may contain a lot of murder and crimes on what led to him going to San Andreas. So, watch out. And for those who have not played GTA Online why his parents are both Claude and Misty is because it was part of the premium edition for free in Epic Games.

Def Jam X Kung Fu Panda: Book 1 Fight for A New Fight (maybe a working title) - After the events of Def Jam Vendetta, Fight For New York, and The Kung Fu Panda Trilogy including Legends of Awesomeness. Set during Paws of Destiny Season 2 in the Kung Fu Panda universe while in Def Jam 2 years later in the year 2005 after Crow's death (Fight for NY still takes place in 2003) Kervin (Def Jam Fight For NY) the new leader D-Mob's crew but also officially known as the Def Jam Crew after Blaze appointed him to take his place. Kervin has to manage every venue, club, and arenas in New York including places that Crow took over. But in Chinese New Year there was something strange that Kervin and his crew got transported to a different universe. Including former members, fighters, and circuit fighters.

Now, this fanfiction sounded really odd. As you may know why I am making crossover fanfic of Kung Fu Panda X Def Jam? Easy. The first one is because this is what would have been my PS2 games if I ever have a PS2. I was thinking of Mortal Kombat or Yakuza for Def Jam but Kung Fu Panda is the only thing I know when I was 7 years old. The second is because back in the days Hip Hop mixed with Kung Fu was very popular. Although Def jam may be a wrestling game martial arts stole my heart in Def Jam Fight For NY. I heard about things like the Wu-Tang Clan for example but the biggest problem for me is that I am not a true fan of Def Jam because I don’t know about hip hop artists. Just only the games so I will be focusing on their video game counterparts in their fictitious manner meaning pretending real-life characters with their real name are fictional characters. So, if there and fun facts in those real-life counterparts I may add them to it like easter eggs. The third is that there are Kung Fu Panda characters that did not get enough love and mostly art. So many recognizable characters like Po, Tigress, Tai Lung, and many more have become the most recognizable characters in the movies. But what about the tv shows like Legends of Awesomeness and Paws of Destiny? One of my favorite characters of Legends of Awesomeness is Peng, in short, he is the nephew of Tai Lung and he is such an interesting character that he deserves a lot more love. While for Paws of Destiny is Xiao because she is such a cute character, so is her personality and the best character to have hugs with. So, what I am trying to say is that I need to start off with the character that is unrecognizable then bring it recognizably. I may also add characters from shorts like student Mei Ling in the future book and it would be funny and to see rogue Mei Ling. 2 Mei Lings in one. Even Su and Master Snow Leopard because are both female leopards with the same appearance and outfit. I may also include some characters from the flash game Tales of Po and may possibly rewrite them in different stories because I love the character designs thanks to Blue Maxima’s FlashPoint. And the fourth and final part is that to make the Def jam games more recognizable. Def Jam in music is not absolutely enough but video games are. The Def Jam games did not bring a sequel after Fight For NY so I might as well make a sequel with interesting and experimental crossover fanfic just like The Loonatics Road.

The Red Fox (Kingdom Force Spinoff and maybe a working title) - The Kingdom Force has 5 members defending the 5 Kingdoms. Luka the wolf who leads in red, Jabari who runs in yellow, TJ who drills in green, Delilah who swings in orange, and Norvyn who strengthens in blue. Each of the 5 drives Kingdom Riders and turns them into Alpha Mech to fight against evil in the 5 Kingdoms. But even if they save the day multiple times the 5 Kingdoms are still filled with more crime and every antagonist came back doing other crimes and evil deeds because they were not arrested or eliminated. That's is when a red fox came along...

I have seen popular fandoms in cartoons that were supposed to aim at younger kids like Lion Guard, MLP, Paw Patrol, and even Bluey. But Kingdom Force is the cartoon that did get enough love. It's like Power Rangers and Voltron but with anthropomorphic animals like Zootopia. However, the stories and episodes in the show is very confusing and give me almost a lot of questions. But I do like the character designs in the show. My favorite hero is Luka who is a leader with and cute cuddly character personality and my favorite villain Envie Fernadez which she has a pretty hot design, name and voice and so is her personality. Reminds me of Sly Cooper but I have not played the game yet. But for the red fox also OC Kervin (Kindom Force) It’s still at work.

APB Reloaded X Zootopia: Anyone Can Be All You Can’t Be: - In Zootopia “Anyone Can Be Anything” But in San Paro “Be All You Can’t Be” Zootopia is a place where vicious predators and meek prey live in harmony. This means that people in Zootopia live together without the prey getting eaten by predators and predators not getting feared by the prey. They almost eat like us, they sleep like us, they speak like us, they walk like us, they run like us, they bathe like us (well almost), and most importantly they use technology like us. While San Paro maybe has a good look to sightsee but this city has a lot of crime. Robberies, bombings, thefts, drug dealing, murders and causalities, vandalism, and much more that we can think of. But that does not mean there is no justice in this world. When the Criminals like the Blood Roses and the G-Kings try to take over San Paro? The Enforcers Prentiss Tigers and Praetorians from come and save the day. What would happen when a human Enforcer meets a police fox and a police bunny? And how did it happen? Only one way to find out.

Now this one is also a Kervinverse crossover story. It focuses on Kervin (APB Reloaded) meeting Judy and Nick. I am trying to find a way on how will they meet each other. But the only thing ideas I know is that it can be a delivery gone wrong, an invention gone haywire or maybe a criminal stole something magical that is transported to a different universe. But I have a lot of strange things in the game like the Christmas events and Halloween events. I like to see any volunteers who play APB Reloaded. And for those Zootopia fans who have not played APB Reloaded you check it here. https://store.steampowered.com/app/113400/APB_Reloaded/

Well, that is it for the Kervinverse stories. Now it’s time for the other stories that I also planned in the future.

OTHER FANFICS:

Alza Flare (Road Rovers Fan Spinoff)- Alza is a black cat born in the place in New York City, USA. He was born inside a pet shop without cat parents since he was born. His parents' status is unknown. Although he did make friends with other cats and non-cats in the shop. But it was a short while until a human customer named Drayson Flare and adopted him as Alza Flare. Alza has been Drayson's pet for 3 years and they instantly became best friends but when during the time when they are about to go home from the park. A terrible accident happened.

A long time ago I watched Road Rovers on my phone just to try something nostalgic and the show is pretty good though although there are some parts that don’t use their powers all the time. One part that caught my eye is how brutal car accident in the episode “Dawn of The Groomer” which gave me an idea of my new anti-villain OC character named Alza Flare. Sadly, he does have an image of him yet. But I will tell you that I will give you an interesting revenge story for him.

The Best Surfer In The World (Surf’s Up Spinoff. Maybe a working a title and synopsis change) - After the events of Surf's Up and Surf's Up 2: Wavemania. There was once a wolf who lives in the place of Chicago Illinois. He quit his own career due to being a rejected member of Hang 5 for being too unstable and after beating J.C. in a tournament years ago and after his early retirement, he spends his normal life as an ice cream man in his own ice-cream motorcycle with one of his own freshest ingredients and swears to himself that he would never in the waters again. Until he met a young Toyger.

Surf’s Up is my first favorite mockumentaries since I was young. It’s like you are watching animals andromorphic animals absolutely existed in the world we live in. It had an interesting story and writing so are the interesting characters. But when I watched Surf’s Up Wavemania. Well, I honestly love the WWE Superstars and Diva came into the movie but the story did not actually surprise me a lot. Even if the movie has a lot of beautiful locations it still did not surprise me enough because it is more like an adventure than a tournament. That is why I am planning to start my fanfiction in a new different approach with a real story and a real rivalry. Starting with wolf inspired and based on CM Punk during the part when he won the WWE belt against Cena in Money in the Bank when I watched it since intermediate school with a little rename change so it won’t be obvious. And of course, my Toyger OC because he would be trained by his own surfing master. Also, I added a Slam City easter egg

Fire Pro Wrestling World Origins: Story of 2 Angels – There is no synopsis of them yet. But I will tell you they are brother and sister with the last name “Angel” The brother who is a pop artist while the sister who joined a motorcycle club. What they both have in common is they both can fight. Their stories about my 2 new Fire Pro OCs will be coming soon. But they are not part of the fighting roads.

Well, that is all for all the future stories with some summaries that I really want to share coming soon. Thanks for following including Wattpad

For those who are new here follow me on both Tumblr and Wattpad with the orange word link

Feel free to donate to me in PayPal

Also making fanfic is really long to make just like making an announcement. So again. I only post all chapters in 1 book.

#wattpad #fanfiction #fanfics #cartoons #video games #future fanfics #announcement #crossover #crossover fanfiction #grand theft auto 5 #gta 5 #grand theft auto #def jam #def jam fight for ny #def jam vendetta #kung fu panda #legends of awesomeness #paws of destiny #APB Reloaded #all points bulletin #APB #all points bulletin reloaded #zootopia #zootropolis #kingdom force #road rovers #surfsup #fire pro wrestling #fire pro wrestling world #FPWW

[peterstanslizzie]

Mulan (2020) Was Such a Cringey Film (Trigger Warning)

My Thoughts On The Live-Action Remake of Mulan

Overall, I would describe this movie as a well-wrapped Christmas present but after opening it, you tell yourself, REALLY?! 

This movie is also seriously giving me ‘The Last Airbender’ movie trauma vibes…

7 NON-SPOILER THOUGHTS

1. This movie takes itself way too seriously. The lack of comedy combined with the emotionless acting done by majority of the cast members felt to me as if I was watching a low-rent dramatic stage play.

2. Liu Yifei, in particular, looked the part but I can’t seem to connect with her emotionally as Mulan. Her portrayal of someone who was supposed to be relatable and rootable to the audience was so underwhelming. It felt stoic, robotic and completely sterile. 

3. There were tons of ICONIC scenes from the original film that were surprisingly excluded from this film. WHY DISNEY, WHY? I will elaborate on this in the spoilers section.

4. The inclusion of new characters like the Witch, Xianniang and Mulan’s sister, Hua Xiu were completely unnecessary. It’s like they wanted to incorporate Gong Li (whom I adore btw) in this film no matter what but couldn’t quite figure out a good way to do that.

5. The fight scenes were pretty good. But they really needed to chill out with the dramatic slow motions and aerial stunts, seriously. 

6. Mulan is such a Mary Sue in this movie, it’s not even funny. What happened to the concept of character development?

7. The film was gorgeous to look at but everything seemed so well-packaged to the point that it sucked all of the heart and soul out of why I fell in love with Mulan’s story in the first place. 

9 SPOILER THOUGHTS (TW TERRITORY)

1. Going back to point number 3 of my ‘7 NON-SPOILER THOUGHTS’, where the heck was that iconic hair-cutting scene when Mulan bravely decided to take her dad’s place in the army? Also, where was the scene of Mulan finding the little girl’s doll in the village rubble? And lastly, why did they change the way Mulan’s true identity as a woman is revealed? There were so many unnecessary changes; It’s like they purposely gone out of their way to make me angry. Not to mention, the film tends to transition between scenes really quickly; Let each scene breathe on its own for like 2 seconds damn…

2. I hate that they got rid of Mushu, Cri-Kee and Grandmother Fa. With Mushu, he was absolutely integral in helping Mulan succeed in becoming a warrior and saving China. But instead, we got a discount (albeit pretty) version of Mushu in the form of a phoenix that does absolutely nothing but serves as Mulan’s GPS. 

3. With the grandmother, I loved her dry and witty sense of humor, which was seriously missing in this film. With Cri-Kee, it was just a cute little character but somehow it got replaced by an actual human character and he was given the name Cricket? Ummm, what? Couldn’t the actor just play Ling or Chien-Po or something?

Another iconic scene left out….ugh

4. Speaking of the trio consisting of Yao, Chien-Po and Ling, apparently from reading up on the film’s cast, they were actually in the film. I literally do not remember anything significant that these guys had said or did in the film. That goes to show how dull these portrayals were.

5. According to the writers, Hua Xiu, Mulan’s sister was included because “this added a broader emotional context and added more motivation for [Mulan’s] character”. I completely disagree; Excluding her wouldn’t make any difference in my opinion.

6. So Chen and Commander Tung were two characters based on Li Shang. I’m always going to like Donnie Yen; So, he was alright as Tung and with Chen, I’m on the fence with his portrayal by Yoson. He gave off an energy that was very similar to what I wanted to see in terms of a live-action Shang but there’s something missing about Chen as a character that I can’t quite pinpoint. Maybe it’s just a lack of prominence, especially in the second half of the film? Or maybe it’s because we didn’t see him having any personal ties to the war unlike Shang whose father died in battle.

7. Mary Sue Mulan. This is my biggest pet peeve about this remake. What I liked about the original Mulan is that she didn’t start out strong; She had to work extremely hard to gain the respect of her comrades. Instead, live action Mulan entered the Imperial army already having the fighting ability since she was more or less born with chi powers. I’m calling BS on that. Disney why? Why do you think that in order to make a female protagonist fight alongside her male counterparts, you need to give her powers? What happened to good old intelligence and hard-work?

8. Is it just me or did it feel like watching Mulan 2020 was like watching an English dub of a period Chinese film? I felt like with some of the characters (for example Jet Li’s The Emperor character), the sounds that come out of their mouths did not match the mouth movements or basically, it just doesn’t feel natural. Is it bad audio mixing or I wonder if a voice over was actually done…

9. Favorite moment in the film? Ming-Na Wen’s cameo in the film. I freaked out when I heard her voice. I was like OMG that is OG Mulan.

#mulan #mulan tw #disney live action #mulan remake #mulan 2020 #mulan movie #mulan film review #mulan film #mulan review #disney mulan #2020 in film #2020 films #disney plus #tw #trigger warning #liu yifei #donnie yen #gong li #disney films #disney princess #live action disney #live action mulan #chinese princess

[apharine]

Sightseeing

Chapter 2

Pairing:  Siane x Nanu

Fandom: Pokemon

Rating:  T

Read on AO3

Chapter 1

My writing commission info!

Summary:   Siane hadn't meant to wind up in Alola, under Nanu's care, while she recovered from a mysterious illness that left her prone to weakness and collapsing. But now that she's here and getting stronger, she wants to see more of Ula'ula than just the rainy skies and the Po Town wall by Nanu's police station. And who could be better suited to give her a tour than the Kahuna of the island himself?

Notes:  Siane is the wonderful HybridDragoness’ OC and she is amazing!  This fic is a commission for Hybrid and I’m honestly so honored to have been able to write for Siane and Nanu bc I love them so much!  Hybrid is a really talented artist and you can find her art of Siane here!  You can also find Hybrid on Twitter and AO3 under the same handle as on Tumblr!

                                        _____________________

“That was brilliant,” Siane declares, hopping off the Charizard’s saddle.  “Thank you so much!  You were amazing!  And the saddle really was helpful,” Siane adds, hopping around to give the Charizard a gentle pet on the snout.

“Here,” Nanu says, fishing some Poke Beans out of his pocket.  “You can give him a couple as thanks.  Not too many, though,��� he adds, handing them over to Siane.  Truthfully, his heart had been hammering out of his chest the entire time Siane had been flying on Charizard’s back.  The fear that something might go wrong and she might lose her grip, or pass out and fall, had been forefront in his mind the entire time, and he’d urged Honchkrow to fly as close to Charizard as possible.  As if he could catch her if something went wrong, he thinks to himself, then pushes the morbid thought aside.  Siane’s okay, and that’s what matters.

“Thank you so much,” Siane says, holding her hand out flat with the Pokebeans on top of it.  The Charizard nibbles them up, then taps her with its nose affectionately.  “Have a good rest of your workday, okay?”

“Char,” the Ride Pager Pokemon agrees, then turns to take off to go to its next job.

“That was the first time I’ve flown in…I don’t know how long,” Siane says, turning around to grin at Nanu.  Her hair is a little wild from the wind and altitude, but she looks absolutely radiant.  If that’s how passionate one little flight could make her, Nanu thinks it’s no surprise that she decided to specialize in Flying type Pokemon.  “It felt amazing.”  Still smiling, Siane turns to take in the cityscape around her.  “So, this is Malie City, huh?”  She muses, drifting towards one of the great gates that mark the start of the main street.

“The one and only,” Nanu says, a little swell of pride bubbling up in his chest.

“The architecture is really cool here,” Siane agrees, touching the cool stone of the gate.

“Glad you think so, girl,” Nanu says, taking a couple steps closer to her.  Was it just his imagination, or had she been a little wobbly on that step just then?

“You said this city’s on the ocean?”  Siane prompts, a curious look on her face as she looks around.

“Yeah.  You’ll have to make it down the main street a ways,” Nanu says, eyeing her appraisingly.  The look flares something up in Siane, though, and she sucks in a deep breath, puffing her chest out a little.

“That’s not gonna be a problem,” she says confidently.  Nanu chuckles.

“Glad to hear it.  Let me give you the tour along the way, then.  There’s a lot to see in the city,” Nanu says, taking a tentative step down the road.  To his relief, Siane follows and lingers close to him as she walks.

Nanu points out some of the major shops and landmarks as the two of them walk by, including the glittering Malie Library and, in the distance, the Kantonian Gym.

“It’s lovely,” Siane breathes, taking in the structure.

“Hey, my favorite restaurant is actually coming up soon.  They specialize in really high-end sushi…that sound like the sort of thing you might like?”  Nanu asks, quirking one eyebrow in Siane’s direction.

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Siane agrees.  “I can pay for my half.”

To her surprise, Nanu waves her off quickly.

“Don’t worry about that, Siane,” he grumbles.

“It’s really fine,” she insists.  Nanu frowns for a moment, then slows his pace until he’s paused in his tracks entirely.  Siane stops beside him; she thinks she’s doing a good job of concealing the confusion on her face, but Nanu can see through her facade easily.

“This place…isn’t cheap,” he says carefully.  “I wouldn’t have mentioned it if I wasn’t okay with paying your half.”

“What do you mean by not cheap?”  Siane asks pointedly.

“I mean…it’s probably the most expensive restaurant in the region.  They don’t usually do takeout, but Sensei knows me pretty well by now, so I figure they might make an exception for me,” Nanu says with a shrug, trying to play it cool.  It doesn’t work particularly well, though, and he watches as nearly every emotion in the book passes over Siane’s face.  The most expensive restaurant in the region…by the looks of some of these amazingly dazzling buildings, Siane figures that probably means that a single meal cost more than an entire year of groceries for herself typically would.

“I - I don’t usually…do expensive things.  It - things weren’t like that for me over in Aedis,” Siane finally says.  Nanu waits for her to elaborate, but when she doesn’t continue, he finally speaks up.

“Well - we don’t have to eat there, if it makes you uncomfortable,” he concedes.  “But if you did want to try something really nice for once…I’d be happy to treat you.”  Even he’s a little surprised by how much he allows his voice to soften as he says the words, and he watches Siane’s eyes widen a little - whether at his tone or the offer, or both, he can’t tell for certain.

“Um, well,” Siane stammers, clearly thinking a mile a minute.  “Maybe…just once?”

Nanu smiles and nods and begins to walk again, checking over his shoulder to make sure that Siane is coming along as well.  She’s staying close - good.

“You wanna stop and grab our food before or after seeing the ocean around Ula’ula?”  Nanu asks, though he’s pretty sure he already knows what the answer will be.

“Ocean first,” Siane beams, and Nanu feels his smile grow just a little more.

 ***

 “It’s so warm,” Siane sighs, sitting at the end of a pier and dipping her toes in the water.

“Everything’s warm here, girl,” Nanu says, though his words have no real edge to them.  

“It’s nice.  I really like it here,” Siane admits, one foot kicking up a small splash.  The water droplets sparkle in the sun as they fall.  She watches them, then raises her eyes to the distant horizon where seat met sky.  Nanu watches her, noticing the way the brilliance of the ocean reflects in her eyes.  “Everything is so…peaceful here.  It’s, um.  It’s nice.”

Nanu feels his eyebrows crease; he doesn’t know everything that’s happened in Aedis, but from what he’s able to piece together, Siane’s struggled with conflict nearly her whole life.  The thought that a single day out, with no cares in the world imminent on her shoulders, could mean so much to her tugs at Nanu’s heartstrings, and he puts his arm around her shoulders in much the same way he would comfort Acerola.  Except, somehow, it doesn’t feel entirely like comforting little Ace - but Nanu pushes that thought out of his mind for now.

“It is nice, here,” Nanu agrees.  Siane turns those eyes of hers on him, and he adds quickly, “I’m glad you enjoy it.”  Then, he pulls his arm away and moves away just a little, clearing his throat.  “As you know, I work extremely hard to keep Alola as peaceful as it is,” he says with a wry smirk; his words have the intended effect, and Siane dissolves into unabashed laughter.

“Yes,” she says between laughs.  “Your duties just have you running all over the island, trying to fight crime and dangerous monsters twenty-four-seven.  And you get absolutely no naps.”

Nanu feels his smirk falter a little, because there was a time where he was running all over the island, and fighting Ultra Beasts, and trying to be the best Interpol officer he could be.

And what did it get him?  What did it get her, besides chewed up by Guzzlord, never to be seen again?

“Yeah,” Nanu says faintly, turning away from Siane to look out at the ocean.  “No naps.”  He hears the tremble in his own voice, and hates it.

Siane notices - of course she does, she’s not stupid, Nanu thinks to himself - and scoots a little closer to him once more, putting her hand on his nearest shoulder.  She leans into him just the slightest bit, and somehow the contact feels grounding for Nanu.  The two of them watch the ocean in silence, and though Nanu waits for her to ask what’s wrong, she stays quiet.

Within a few minutes, the world around him begins to feel a little more real again, the echoes of the past fading in his mind.  Siane is still peaceful and silent beside him, still grounding him with her touch, and he wonders how many other people she’s seen like this, back in Aedis.  How many people has she provided her silent support to?

“Let me know when you want to go get sushi,” Nanu says instead.

 Within an hour, they’re heading into the Malie Gardens, little brown bags of sushi in hand.  Sensei had complained about how undignified the brown bags were, but had ultimately capitulated to one of his top customer’s request for inconspicuous takeout.

“Oh, wow,” Siane breathes, pushing a big fern aside so she can get a better view of the lush land in front of her.  “It’s gorgeous here.”  She doesn’t wait for a response, instead pushing forward and approaching the enormous golden-plated bridge that greets the Garden’s visitors.  Nanu hastens behind her, both brown baggies cradled in one arm so he can steady her with his free hand if he needs to.

Not that he’s needed to so far today.  But better safe than sorry, right?

“Is this real gold?”  Siane asks, rubbing the banister of the golden bridge.

“Gold plated,” Nanu shrugs, hovering close by.  “It’s supposed to be a sister bridge to one just like it in the Kanto region.”

“It’s lovely,” Siane says, already on her way across it, running her hand over the smooth banister as she goes.  

Suddenly a thunderous noise draws both of their attention, followed by a quick flash of feathers and a multi-colored beak.

“What was that?”  Siane asks, already enrapt.  Another flash of feathers ensues as the Pokemon circles back around; on its second pass, Nanu is able to identify it.

“That’s a Toucannon,” Nanu says.  “You know all the Pikipek you’ve seen?  This is their final evolution.”

To his horror, Siane actually sets off at a jog after it.  She’d just nearly fallen in the shower literally yesterday, and she was trying to jog today?!

“Its beak looks brilliant,” she gushes.  “I need to get a better look at it.”

The Toucannon in question has roosted on a low hanging branch, and eyes Siane carefully as her footfalls carry her across the bridge.  Nanu’s already running at nearly full bore, desperate to catch up to her - and to stop her from approaching a particularly strong, angry bird capable of spitting seeds strong enough to break boulders.

Fortunately, Siane stops well in advance of the Pokemon, and Nanu watches, fascinated, as her conservation training seems to kick in.

“Look - it’s got a bunch of Pikipek on the trees behind it.  It’s likely trying to protect its family,” she says in hushed tones.  “They’re all drilling into that tree, see?  There’s probably lots of bug Pokemon inside, because it looks like pretty dead wood.  They must not have any issue finding food, because that Toucannon’s beak is in excellent condition.”

“What’s a beak got to do with it?”  Nanu asks, not seeing the correlation.

“A healthy, shiny, smooth beak means it’s eating a healthy and variegated diet.  Birds that don’t eat well can have all sorts of issues with their beak.  And do you see how glossy its feathers are?”  She’s enraptured, but respectful.  And, Nanu notes, she’s breathing hard, clearly more winded from her little jog than she’d like to admit.  “It’s getting lots of essential fatty acids.  Super important for feather health.  You’ve got a pretty healthy ecosystem here, Kahuna,” she adds, finally turning away from the Toucannon and affixing a brilliant smile on Nanu.

His heart skips a beat.

“Well.  Glad to hear your professional assessment,” Nanu says, though he smiles a little back at her, and he actually means the words as he says them.  “Now come on, Siane.  Let’s go find a place to sit.  You’re tiring me out, running me all ragged like this.”

“I’m tiring you out?”  Siane says with a laugh, raising her eyebrows.  “Come on, Kahuna, you’re a fit man.  Don’t pretend this is anything much for you.”

Nanu’s heart does another flip at this.

She thinks he’s fit?

“I’m old,” he says, as much for himself - as a reminder of the one, key difference between them - as for her.  “Now let’s go.”

Siane’s smile falters a little, but she falls into step beside him readily.

“You’re not that old,” she pushes.

“Right,” Nanu snorts.  “That’s why all my hair is gray.  Because I’m not that old.”

“Gray hair looks handsome on you,” she says nonchalantly.  “And besides, I bet you’re just the sort of person that started graying early.”  When Nanu doesn’t respond, her lips curl into a smile.  “I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Do you want to eat by the water?”  Nanu deflects.  It doesn’t work, though; Siane’s smile only grows.  She knows she’s right.

“Sure,” she agrees.

 ***

 Sushi by the waters of the Malie Gardens is an altogether peaceful affair.  Nanu can see why that little tea shop submitted a zoning request to set up shop right in the middle of the Gardens; tea would be perfect right about now.

“How’s your food?”  Nanu asks, turning to Siane.  The sun is brilliant on her hair, which flutters just the slightest bit in the breeze.

“It’s…insanely good.  This is absolutely the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”  She’s been taking really tiny bites of her food, as if to make it last as long as possible.  She’s probably eaten only half as much as Nanu has at this point.  “I - I didn’t even really know food could be this good.  I’ve had good food before!  But…”  She bites her lip and looks out at the water, and to Nanu’s surprise, little tears spring into her eyes.

If he thought she’d pulled on his heartstrings earlier, he has no words to describe how gut-wrenching it is to see this young woman start to cry.

“Hey, hey,” he says, quickly scooting closer to her.  “Hey.  Don’t cry, Siane.  Don’t cry.”  He reaches out to her just as she turns to fold into him, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to do.  And if he’s honest with himself, holding her to his shoulder does feel natural, somehow.  As if they had been made to support each other, to comfort each other.

But such a thought was preposterous.  Wasn’t it?

She doesn’t break down into outright tears, but the arm wrapped around her shoulders still feels the way she takes a few deep, shuddering breaths.

“I’m sorry,” she says.  “Everything here is just…so different than back home.  It’s not bad,” she adds quickly, mumbling against his shoulder a little.  “It’s actually really great here.  And somehow, that hurts worse than if it had been just as bad here as back home.  I don’t know if that makes sense,” Siane trails off.

“It does,” Nanu says, grimacing.  “Believe me.  It does, Siane.”  He doesn’t know what to say about the fact that, for all he cares, she doesn’t have to go back.  She could stay with him for the rest of the year, if that’s what she wanted.  Maybe longer.  But she talks about Aedis like she needs to get strong to go back there, so he tries a different tack entirely.  “You’ve been through a lot recently.  Things must be hard for you.  I hope you know…I’m here for you, however I can be.”

Siane pulls away at this, but doesn’t go far.  Her face stays close to his, and she manages a small smile for him.  Then, to his surprise, she cups his cheek in one hand.

“I do know, Nanu.  You’ve been nothing but incredibly kind to me,” she says, her voice low and a little shaky but somehow, so intimate.  Nanu feels his jaw drop open, and he wonders for a moment if she’s going to kiss him.

“I - I’d hardly describe myself as incredibly kind,” Nanu stutters.  He can’t even remember the last time he’d stuttered.

“Well, I would,” Siane says, and presses a small kiss to his cheek before pulling away.  “So thank you.”

Nanu swallows hard, his hand drifting up to touch at the imprint her kiss had left on his skin.

“Yeah.  You’re welcome,” he mumbles, and goes back to eating his sushi, too.

He has a lot to think about.

#nanu #kahuna nanu #officer nanu #nanu x oc #siane #siane oc #oc #pokemon #pokemon sun and moon #sumo #pokemon sumo #commission #aph writes

[szopenhauer]

Think of a movie and now give me that movie title: random Elvira: Mistress of the Dark 

Quote a line from that movie:

Name a song: random MARUV & Boosin — I Want You 

What’s a line from that song? Baby turn me, turn me on All night long What’s the last word spelled backwords of that line? GNOL XD Whats the relationship between you and the last person you texted? my fiancee What would your name be if you replaced T’s with S’s & A’s with E’s? Zuzenne Would you ever legally change you name to that? nah Your boyfriend/girlfriend say they can’t hang out & it’s been two weeks. You? ok How often do you think about death? all the time Where were you when you had your first sleepover? Your house or a friends’? friend’s - P.W.

Are you hungry?: thirsty

What did you buy last time you went to the store?: food? bread not food? trinkets - for example - two books and a tiny stuffed dog

Do you think stained glass windows are pretty?: I don’t know tbh

Are you a chocoholic?: not at all

Have you ever been carded when buying something? : not even when I was buying cigarettes

Do you have a favorite highlighter color?: yellow

Do you have a flashlight?: I do

Do you like watermelon?: nah

Has anyone ever walked in on you while you were on the toilet?: obvi, many times but usually just family members

Do you like a lot of ice in your drinks?: noooo

Have you ever painted a room?: bathroom Have you ever petted a donkey? from what I remember

Out of all 24 hours, which one is your favourite? hmm... Have you ever been in a lighthouse? nope

What time are you planning on going to bed tonight? no idea Have you ever been bit by an animal? yeah Did it rain today? kinda What was the name of the last dog you pet? it was my dog - Łasuch Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? sure Are you constantly judging people? could say so Have you ever had anything stolen from you? sorta Which would you rather, a snowy day, sunny day, rainy day or cloudy day?: cloudy or sunny maybe rainy but definitely not snowy How long have you ever spent away from home? month? Has your luggage ever been lost at the airport? Did you get it back? - About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? few Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? no What scent of candle do you burn the most? we don’t For what reason did you last cry? ugh... What kind of surveys do you wish there were more of? deep

Last time you were attacked by an animal? this summer? Are you paranoid all the time or just during the night? more often during the day actually  Have you ever dated someone without knowing their name? last name, not first, I was a stupid kid and was dating a guy online once and several boys at camp just to show off somebody likes me that way even tho I wasn’t really interested nor knew anything about those matters

If you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, how much do you really eat? a tiny bit If you need to ask a question in class do you raise your hand? of course How many times have you been engaged (if any at all)? once, currently Do you have to see something to really believe it? jak niewierny Tomasz - często Have you ever gotten so dehydrated that you passed out? I’m surprised that I didn’t :x If your friend was being cheated on, would you tell them? absolutely Do you always assume the worst? that me indeed Are you sick and tired of life? sadly Have you ever been busted for under age drinking? I wasn’t drinking underage, I still don’t drink  Do you have a picture of you and your lover kissing? 1 and a tik tok Have you witnessed a fight at school? bunch

What is your favorite time of day to run? when I’m late for the bus lmfao

When was the last time you talked to your mom? recently Do your parents crush your dreams? sometimes Did you sleep in today? I didn’t Do you hate sleeping in? I love sleeping in  How late do you consider too late to sleep in? noon, 11am is already late  How long have you had a smartphone? less than 5 years Do you keep lists of names that you like? even tho I don’t want kids :P Have you ever butt-dialed someone? it happened

First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed, like *that*; M.

Do you like going to school sports games? eww, boring Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? guy from camp gave me his cap for a day Have you ever stolen your sibling’s clothes? I had to wear them when she was growing up, gross Have you ever loved someone and HATED it? later? Do you like Starbucks or would you rather just have water or something? just water lol Have you ever walked into a door before? po maturze zapomniałam, że woźny zamknął drzwi, które się same otwierały i walnęłam w nie, raz przytrzepałam sie w futrynę bo za szybko skręciłam w nocy do pokoju, mama uderzyła mnie drzwiami jak byłam mała i stałam za blisko wejścia dzwoniąc do domu więc spadłam ze schodów, a ojciec stuknął mnie tymi dworcowymi przy wiadukcie i wylałam na siebie sok - to chyba wszystkie przypadki Do you know anyone who’s like, psycho-religious? fanatic? my uncle is one of those Have you ever been stuck on a ski lift? luckily never been there to begin with Do you know who Nancy Sinatra is? ain’t this the gal who sings “those boots were made for walking” or smth like that? Have you ever bought anything from an airport? I wasn’t there so... If I asked you who you were gonna marry a year ago, you would say; omg Do you snore, talk, sleepwalk, or drool? drool at times, sorry also roll/kick around and fart ^^” When you woke up this morning, what was your first thought? I was wondering why Nat fronted If you could start completely over knowing what you do now, would you? possibly

If you drink coffee, do you have a favorite flavor & brand? If so, what? not applicable Have you ever personally known a pair of Conjoined twins? woah What is your first thought when you see people kissing in public? "get a room” Would you ever consider being a professional stunt-person? I have no abilities/skills/health etc for that kind of job and it’s really sad actors get prizes for stunt-ppl’s work

How about a Mailman? my father was and that ruined his body so I doubt it (Besides Hello kitty) Do you have a favorite Sanrio character? If so, Who? Hello Kitty is evil Do you flinch when strangers touch you? don’t touch me! Can you remember the first time you went to a movie theater? I believe Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it? I have strange interests... Do you actually like the taste of Diet Soda? didn’t try and don’t plan to What brand of toliet paper do you normally use? I don’t give a shit ;) Do the Charmin bears make you feel uncomfortable? xD fact that they’re red makes me uneasy On average, how many cans of soda would you say you drink daily? zero Did/do you ever stick your chewed -up gum under tables? I spat it on grass when I was younger and had stuck it in my hair years before as well but every other gum I trashed properly Can you remember the last thing you watched on the news that upset you? that’s why I avoid news How do you feel about red lipstick, is it whorish? it’s my fav but I no longer use makeup What is your definition of feminism? fighting for equal rights between women and men like pay in workplaces Are you comfortable in shorts? am not So, have you watched that Bob’s Burgers show? Do you like it? fragments 

Do you ever get the feeling you dont belong? always Do you believe actions speak louder than words? good actors will use both ways to lie

If your friend tried to commit suicide infront of you how would you react? how, why, who, when etc. Ever had a rumour spread about you? plenty Have you ever tried to impress someone before? majority of my life and I hate myself for that If someone jumped on your back what would you do? die? If you had a child and they turned out just like you would you be happy? poor kid... If you could choose the gender of your child what gender would you choose? not that I want kids but girl

Name three people you want to meet in Heaven. from those who died or are alive rn?

What could be the theme song of your life? I was taking a quiz today and they gave me Kero Kero Bonito - I'd Rather Sleep

Do you have any embarrassing health issues? :( Who do you wish you could talk to? grandma and/or brother Do you lose or misplace things a lot? very rarely lose, misplace more often but still usually same item like my scissors What was the name of the street you grew up on (if you don’t live there now) I live here! Does it still feel like summer where you live? it’s too cold for that Do you have a Paypal account? I wish Have you ever had a brand or company reach out to you on Instagram? polyvore What is the last thing you purchased from Etsy? I have no bank account to be able to buy stuff there Do you sell on Etsy? I’d like to someday Do you have a favorite aunt, and if so, who is it? aunt Alice Who is your favorite cousin? no one Have you bought next year’s calendar yet? yup What year did/will you turn 30? 2022 What’s a food that you like, but it makes you feel sick? no comment Do you like the name Addison? sounds like a shoe Is there anything that you regret getting rid of? ... Have you ever stood up to a bully? couple of times Do you own striped tights? nude and transparent Have you ever made your own Halloween costume out of clothes from ur closet? yep When was the last time you received a hug? this day Do you have anyone who hugs you regularly? dad? Would you rather have the bottom bunk or top bunk? bottom Window seat or aisle seat? window, aisle if in church  Have you ever thrown up on an airplane? that’s one of the reasons I won’t fly Have you ever seen anyone else throw up on an airplane? that’s another... Have you ever gotten sick in the car? almost Do you still wear clothes from the children’s section? whoops you got me What color is your watch? I need to buy watch for Nat... What color was the last pair of flip-flops you wore? last time I was wearing flip flops was before middle school and they were pink I suppose Were you born in your favorite season? in the worst! Have you eaten oatmeal lately? regularly... Do you enjoy editing photos? if not a snapchat filter selfie then I prefer them “natural” What is your favorite app on your phone? Choices forever! lately I begun playing The arcana and it’s pretty good, Lisa downloaded Addams family mystery mansion or smth but it’s not that cool and I used to play the detective story which was awesome <3  Do you answer your phone every time it rings? hell no Do you like to decoupage things? scrapbooks/collages are way better How many tabs are open on your browser right now? 9 with this one but I forgot to close the background music 

How many times have you had sex within the past two years? Guesstimate? personal How many times in a month do you go to the movies? How much do you spend? not at all

When was the last time you heard thunder? Where were you at anyway? this month? home When was the last time you were in trouble with your parents? If so. it’s complicated Do you know anyone who claims to have the ability to see the future? I have dreams that come true and my parents do, also my gf When you go to the movies, do you actually watch the movies or not? ... what else would I do in the cinema? oh, you mean kiss and such? waste of money Do you love or loathe the Eurovision? I don’t mind it Have you ever wielded a sword? wanna try :D If you were famous would you want a statue or a building names after you? what for Can you erect a tent? hope I didn’t forgot How tall is the tallest person you know? didn’t ask Have you ever ridden a camel? might try What’s your opinion on rats? cute

[oldladydatin]

Stick your tongue out for me.

My cousin messages me,

Her: Do you like black men?

Me: I love black men but I’ve dated all 5 of them here.

Her: girl I know black men, let me set you up with someone.

Me: ahhhhhh 🤔

Her: I know someone who’s perfect for you! He’s a total sweetheart and he’s always asking where my single friends are?

Me: is he gonna freak out if he finds out I step on men’s balls in heels for fun?

Her: nah he’d probably laugh.

So I agreed to this. I asked does he have a car, a job, does he do drugs, does he have felonies and what’s he looking for. Dating has given me paranoia about these things. I already know he smokes weed because he knows my cousin. I’m 420 friendly in that I don’t want to be around it but you do whatever you want to do. She says “girl you know I wouldn’t hook you up with no bum.” Okay. So she gives this guy my number and then he asks for a picture and she sends him a picture I took on New Year’s Eve last year. He texts me. He makes it clear he doesn’t want a text buddy, he’s a southern gentleman and he’s old fashioned. I’m good with that, I prefer old fashioned men. He sends me a few pictures and he has a nice body, he’s kind of cute. Then he tells me he lost his job Friday and he worked for an apartment complex so he also lost his place and he’s living in a hotel room. That he’s a couple interviews lined up. I’m trying not to be judgemental but, he has no job and no place. Then he calls me and we talk for awhile. He tells me he wants me to send him a picture before I go to bed and I’m say you know today was a lazy day, I’m in my pjs and I haven’t showered or done my make up or anything. He tells me he loves to see a women looking natural, the rest is desert in his book, but he just wanted to see me. So I sent him a picture of me before bed and he responds beautiful. We talk off and on the next few days, and I agree to meet him.

The day comes and I get up and get dressed and he texts good morning and I tell him I’m up and getting ready then he calls me. So I ask him what time and where. He started going on this tangent about how his cars broken and he needs to go to the library to look for a job. I’m thinking oh hell now he doesn’t have a car? I immediately don’t want to go. To me him listing off that he needs to go to the library and apply for jobs and he needed to work on his car was him backing out? He suddenly gets pissed off and is like you know I’ve helped all these people and now that I need help people want to treat me like I’m a pos. So apparently this tangent is him asking for help? I’m thoroughly confused by this. I ask what do you need? You need a ride to the library? He says that’s helpful. I say okay I’ll come pick you up. So I go get him and take him to the library and I wait for him to get out of my car, he goes what you’re not coming in? I said no why would I want to come in? He said well you gonna wait for me? How long is it going to take to apply for a job? He tells me he’s just updating his resume it should only take a few minutes. I’m regretting this whole thing more and more as this goes on, I am way too nice and I know that. So I go in and grab a free health newsletter and I sit and read while he does his thing. I took him to lunch because it was 1 pm by the time he’s done and I was starving and I knew he didn’t have money. I told him to order a beer because he wanted to go to the liquor store to buy beer to relax because he was essentially panicking in a cycle. I go to drop him back off and he’s insisting I go in.

I go in he puts on a movie and we’re sitting on the bed and he’s says come lay with me. He started kissing me and then just randomly he pulls his dick out? I really didn’t know what to do or say? But he laid there and played with it and it was impressive. All I could think about was my cousin saying she was pretty sure he was good in bed because girls go crazy after they have sex with him. I thought I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that, and I wonder if he’s really THAT good in bed. So I participated in playing with this big dick he had out, don’t judge me I’m just a horny girl. He was extremely good in bed, with his dick, his fingers, his tongue, all of it. We did this for hours. I have probably an unhealthy fetish (probably several), I love to be choked and he had no issues with that at all, he was extremely dominant in bed. So for me this was amazing sex. We get to a point where he’s ready to finish and I’m exhausted so I’m good with that. He keeps shoving his fingers in my mouth. Sometimes down my throat, sometimes it’s like he’s trying to grab my teeth, and occasionally he’s like petting my tongue. I’m thinking that’s odd but the men I date are odd I swear. Finally he says stick your tongue out. Um really? He says again stick your tongue out, so I do and he grabs it and with in a minute he finishes. I thought this was odd but I was too tired to question it. So I just fell asleep on his chest.

I wake up and I’m trying to decide the most polite way to say hey “thanks for the amazing sex but I have to go now” when he grabs me and we start this whole thing again. I’m thinking there is no way! I was already so tired and sore from the last two hours! But who is going to pass up amazing sex! So we are going at it again when he grabs my throat with both hands, which again is a fetish of mine as he knew so this ok. My fingers and toes started getting tingly and I’m not sure what exactly is going on. I realize I’m needing to breath and I go to grab his hand when suddenly I’m calmly laying on his chest again. I’m just giggling and we’re having this funny conversation but I realize I don’t know about what. Then I hear hey are you okay? Hey? You okay? Hey! Then I realize he’s slapping my face and it takes a second for me to look around and realize I’m not laying on his chest at all! I completely blacked out. He kind of just lays down next me and holds me and keeps asking if I’m ok and kissing me. We were both surprisingly calm, I actually felt a little gitty even if it was due to lack of oxygen to my brain. So we finish and again he asked me to stick my tongue out and grabs it and finishes. It’s super weird, but I get dressed and hug and kiss him and go home.

That night he texts me what are you doing tomorrow? I said hanging out with my kids. He asks me to come over again, I’m like if I find time? But I found time when my kids went to bed. We see each other for the next few days and everytime with this tongue thing? So I asked him do you have a tongue or oral fetish? He acts all offended like what no? Then he starts laughing and says an oral fetish? So I try to normalize it by saying I’ve met people with dental fetishes? Which I have, I’ve received messages from a man who asked things like if I ever had braces or how many fillings I had. So he gets all serious and says no I just get off on feeling how you are vibing? I have no idea what he means by that. I’ve been wondering if it’s because I make so much noise when we’re together? I just decided as long as he brings it like that every time he can hold my tongue when he wants, maybe it’s strange but I barely noticed by day four.

There’s been no more black out incidents. But finally he said he had to leave the hotel and he had nowhere to stay. You guys for a split second I considered offering him a place to stay, I really really did! I’m just a genuinely caring and giving person but I was also thinking nooooo you can’t be homeless I was having so much fun, and so so many orgasms! I didn’t cause realistically I’m a single mom and he’s some guy I’ve only known for two weeks and I don’t want to take care of another man. Why does good dick always come with drama? That’s messed up isn’t it?

#amazingaex #oralfetish #bbc

[archetype-online-blog]

Crash Course in Dialogue, Part I

Writers tend to stress a character’s actions as the most important way to show who they are, but creating effective, interesting dialogue is just as important to a great story. Good dialogue can illustrate interpersonal relationships, reveal fears characters don’t even know they have, show development, and so much more. At the same time—and maybe more importantly—bad dialogue sticks out like a sore thumb, making readers uncomfortable and unwilling to get invested in your narrative. Your prose might be amazing, but if your characters can’t communicate, it’s going to put people off.

But never fear! Here are a few handy tricks to writing amazing dialogue that will get your characters saying what they mean or misdirecting like a pro, all while drawing your reader successfully into the story.

Creating Unique Voices

When you start writing dialogue, one of the most important things to keep in mind is that your characters should all sound different from one another. Just based on their words alone, a reader should be able to tell whether your character’s personality is bubbly or gloomy, if they feel comfortable with the people around them, if they’re in pain, what kind of education they have, and so much more. You want these factors to be unique for each character, even if they were raised together or come from a similar background.

A great test is to write down only the spoken part of your dialogue, without any speech tags (he said/she said, etc.). Does each character sound distinct? Can you tell whose lines are whose just based on what they say, without the surrounding context clues?

If not, try some of the techniques below. There are so many ways to say the same thing differently—and reveal your characters’ history, personality, and quirks at the same time!

Techniques

Using lots of big words like abysmal, paramount, satiate, ubiquitous, etc.

This can make a character sound more educated, imply a wealthier upbringing, or show the care he puts into communicating. Or, it can make him sound pretentious, and become a trait that annoys your other characters. Just be careful your character doesn’t come off like a weirdo carrying around a thesaurus in their pocket (unless that’s what you’re going for, of course!)

Character 1: His rant was just the shameful rambling of a crazy old man. Character 2: The display was simply the ignominious drivel of a deranged geriatric man.

Using clipped speech—only a few words at a time, monosyllabic answers

Quiet characters, characters who don’t like their companions, characters who are in pain, and characters with something to hide might not want to have long conversations where they bare their soul to others.

Character 1: I really don’t think so. I’m sure I’d remember an intense reaction like that. Character 2: No.

Using terms of endearment or pet names—babe, sweetheart, bro, dude, pal

Depending on how these are used, your character can come across as warm and fuzzy, sarcastic, flirty, or evil and taunting.

Bonus: if your character is angry or distracted, they can leave off the pet names they usually call their friends. This is a good way to reveal to a reader—and other characters—that something fishy is up.

Character 1: Can you toss me that pencil? Character 2: Hey babe, be a sweetie and toss me that pencil? Character 3: Uh, that’s my pencil, pal. Character 4: Toss me that pencil, bro!

Speaking formally versus informally with contractions

Is your character uncomfortable around present company? Are they trying to act extremely professional to prove they’re qualified for their job, or still recovering from a strict, affectionless upbringing? If so, making their speech more formal can help convey what’s going on.

Character 1: Admittedly, I have been wondering much the same thing. I will look into it. Character 2: Yeah, I’ve been wondering that too. I’m gonna check it out.

Swearing

Depending on context, characters who curse can sound meaner, rougher, cooler, more laid-back, and even funnier than the people around them who don’t.

When using curse words, be aware of your audience. If you’re writing for kids or younger teens, you may get some pushback.

Remember that these words are sometimes at their most powerful when they’re not overused. When your sweet character finally snaps and mutters something really strong under her breath, you’ll know she’s at the end of her rope.

Think of Simon finally confronting Martin in the movie Love, Simon—if Leah (who swears all the time in the book’s sequel) told Martin to f*ck off, it wouldn’t have anywhere near the same impact.

And yet, in The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater, Ronan’s glee at swearing is one of the things that sets him apart from the more polite Gansey and Adam.

Try this:

Sit in a public place where people talk—a coffee shop, a food court at the mall, a break at school—and listen to a conversation. Write down what you hear—every little um or ah, pronunciations, pauses, stutters, repetitions. How do words, fillers, and phrases shape the distinct voices of the people you’re listening to?

Using Accents and Dialects

Another great way to make characters sound different is to give them accents or let them speak in dialects. If your character is from the South, he’d have a Southern drawl; if she’s from the India, she’s not going to sound like your classmates from Connecticut. But how can you capture a voice like that without making your writing sloppy or distracting (or exaggerating it into an offensive caricature)? Passages like the following, from Huckleberry Finn, certainly take a lot of concentration to read:

“Oh, Huck, I bust out a-cryin’ en grab her up in my arms, en say, ‘Oh, de po’ little thing! De Lord God Amighty fogive po’ ole Jim, kaze he never gwyne to fogive hisself as long’s he live!’ Oh, she was plumb deef en dumb, Huck, plumb deef en dumb—en I’d ben atreat’n her so!”

A general rule, using features other than phonetic spelling to show how characters speak differently can communicate the same information in a less distracting way:

Diction/word choice: Taylor from New York eats fries for lunch and chips as a snack, but Henry from London eats chips for lunch and crisps from the vending machine during his break at work.

Syntax/word order: Someone whose native language is English will likely say “the brown shoes” or “the white fence,” but if your heroine was born in France and learned English not long ago, she might say “I was wearing my shoes which are brown” or “the fence that is white stands behind the house”

Idioms: Different places have different expressions that mean more than what they look like. While you’d say you’re “buttering someone up,” someone who speaks Spanish might say they’re “stroking his beard.” Research idioms that would be a natural part of your character’s speech—or, make up your own!

Some phonetic spellings and slang, every once in a while, do a great job of signaling a continuing accent: s’pose, ain’t, ya, dahlin’. But if what you’ve written takes any amount of real concentration to decode, it’s going to be annoying, not helpful or cool. In other words, if your main character has a lisp, tharting every thentence like thith ith going to get really fruthtrating, really fatht. An’ writin’ an o’er-exaggera’ed Cockney accen’, owr a loooong Suthen draaaawl, is sure to get on your reader’s nerves as well.

If your protagonist’s baby sister with three lines has a lisp and says, “Thamantha, read me a thtory” or her great-auntie from Georgia bemoans, “Lawdy-me, it shaw is hawt in hea today” once in 300 pages, though, you’re probably good.

If you want an example of dialects and pronunciation done really well, check out the Chaos Walking series by Patrick Ness. Protagonist Todd Hewitt grew up in a primitive settlement and can’t read—while always completely understandable, he does say “ain’t” all the time, and occasionally throws in misspellings like “creacher” and “recognishun.” The sections narrated by his friend Viola are more grammatically correct, because while Todd was doing farm work, she was attending school. And people Todd meets with even less schooling than him talk like this: “Ah kin give y’all a ride thrus. If ya want.” (But these characters don’t pop up very often, so the style doesn’t become distracting—instead, it highlights the differences between outsiders and the protagonists.)

A note of caution:

Remember that African American Vernacular English, American Sign Language, and other variations/translations of English have their own complex rules. If you aren’t familiar with a dialect you’re writing, don’t just simplify standard English, throw in an extra “be,” or take out some helping verbs. If your character uses one of these, do some extra research to make sure your dialogue is accurate.

Include the Right Kind of Content

So now you’ve decided how your character talks—but what should they say? Here are a few things to avoid: small talk, excessive info dumps, drawn-out background information, and background conversations. (Like most rules of writing, these can and should be broken if you have a good reason, but in general, they can be helpful in moving a story along and keeping it interesting.)

Instead of the characters taking up valuable space and audience attention on pleasantries, focus on the real meat of the conversation. Alfred Hitchcock once said something to the effect of, “Drama is real life with all the boring parts cut out.” Which would you want to read about? A character describing her brunch of thick, fluffy pancakes to her mother in mouth-watering detail?* Or the moment she asks her mother for $500—the third time this month—to cover her outrageous credit card debts? As the writer, you have the privilege and responsibility to pick the important moments to pass on to the reader—the ones that are important to the plot later, that develop the characters, that are memorable and exciting. Be kind to them—and yourself—by carefully judging what’s worth everyone’s time.

This then gives you an opportunity to work something else essential into your conversation—conflict. It’s very hard to make a compelling conversation where each character agrees with everything said before them. Just because “yes, and” works for improv, doesn’t mean it’s the best strategy for dialogue in fiction—instead, put your characters against each other. If they have opposing goals, or even slightly different takes on a situation, you’ll be able to flush out both viewpoints and push them to an interesting breaking point much easier than if they simply build on whatever the other says.

It can also be tempting to save long, detailed explanations for dialogue—especially when it comes to worldbuilding in sci-fi or fantasy. If you have a physics professor who’s perfected time travel or an old witch who’s worked out everything about magic, it would be easy to give them a few pages to give the specifics to your clueless protagonist. But unless you can’t get your story to work any other way, try not to do this—long descriptions tend to end up pretty boring, and hard to follow and remember. Instead, let your reader pick up fewer details at a time from different people, or see how things work for themselves. In the first Harry Potter, Hagrid doesn’t explain everything about being a wizard to Harry—readers get to experience the many magical details firsthand through Harry’s eyes in Diagon Alley, and then later at Hogwarts.

*Note: If your character is a cook and criticizes the pancakes because he could obviously do better, or if she grew up in poverty and is promising her mother she’ll move back home and take her to brunch every morning once she gets one more paycheck, this is obviously fine. So is her describing how great she thought the pancakes were if it turns out they were actually poisoned, and next thing she knows she’s waking up from a 10-year coma. And so on... Find exciting exceptions!

Try this:

Listen to a scene from your favorite movie and think about what’s included and what’s not. Do both characters greet each other and ask how the other has been, or do they jump right into the deal they need to make? Does one character agree with everything the other says, or do they disagree frequently?

Have more questions about writing dialogue? Leave us comments for Part II, coming soon!

#archetypeonline #blog post #writing style #dialogue #creative writing #writing advice #young writers #genre fiction

[clamsuup]

Jan 28th/Overlap

Again, I haven’t written for awhile now. There has been many reasons to that, one being in the decline of my mental health and then everything else along with that just slowly deteriorated or went downhill. 

It has been somewhat better though. Kind of, but I know it’s masking itself and becoming very slightly dormant until it is ready to manifest itself onto the next opportunity it can get. It’s like a disease. Well, then again, it is an illness. 

i’ve been wanting to write for the longest time, but for some reason each time that I tried to, I just couldn’t. Up until now. 

Things are slightly different and better than it was last quarter--the past three months. I replaced the previous two jobs for two newer jobs, and these certainly will be a long-term thing. One is an unpaid public relations and marketing internship in Downtown area and the other is right on-campus where I am a Language and Culture Coach. Basically doing what I had been previously as an ESL tutor, but this time I am coaching and prepping graduate students as well as for their TA positions. Definitely an upgrade and much better commute than my last two jobs. It’s pretty neat knowing that I am leaving a “legacy” behind at the institution that I am attending, but without any intentions of doing so. I just know that a short biography and picture of me along with the other coaches will be published either on the school’s website or their catalog. 

I’m glad I made these changes and found these opportunities because it really did help me feel a bit better with this whole transition. Also to help me get out of the house. That’s something that I have made a goal for myself--get out more and not be glued to this house. It still has been difficult, I feel it’s related to the mental health aspect, but I’m still trying to meet this specific goal these next coming months. 

The other goal is to regulate the sleeping schedule. It hasn’t been too bad, again, I feel taking up these new jobs help because it aligns with my career and financial expectations, so waking up feels nicer and less of a “I have to.” I just want to be able to wake up at 7:45 am as I did a couple days ago because I came to realize how much nicer and more wonderful it was to not get up groggily and then rush. That’s all I had been doing within the last three months. Rush. Well, actually it seems many of my life decisions (e.g. transferring, relationships, overly-ambitious goals, etc.), you get the picture. Well, for once it felt nice. It was this sense of great peacefulness that washed over me as I readied my day with more care and attention. 

I still aspire to wake up at 5 am to get as many things done whether that is to study and workout, that has certainly been a reoccuring goal since 2015. I recently read through letters I had written to myself starting with that year, and waking up at 5 had always been the top three. I think I understand now what those people who publish all those self-help, self-motivation articles mean when they describe the silence you not only hear, but also feel waking up at the crack of dawn to begin your day while the world is asleep. It’s quite inspiring.

I shouldn’t be staying up too late right now, but I’m writing as much as I can and allowing all these thought juice flow out. It feels nice to write and be able for these emotions to spill out with no restriction. The last thing I want to share is that I have a cat now. 

Yes, I took up on another pet and again, I did rush into this decision despite telling myself to wait until either this summer or next year. Well, the decision had been made and honestly, one of the best decisions yet. My cat is two years old and she is a wonderful black cat. I wanted a siamese, but it’s pretty difficult to find them at shelters and since I find the stereotypes of black cats being depicted as “bad luck,” I decided to adopt one. They don’t deserve to die simply because of that, or for any reasons for that matter. No animal should. I believe it either is very nearly a month since I had her, if not already so, and she is just so smart (also not too smart as well because, cats). It took about a week for her and Po to finally get along. Well...they still aren’t super compatible, but trust me, it’s far better than it was the first couple days with all the hissing, chasing, and no boundaries. 

It’s really nice having her around because I don’t feel too lonely at home, physically and mentally. I know this will be a permanent thing and it’s a wonderful feeling. What’s even better is I bought her a harness and leash yesterday at Petco and have been walking her. It was Day 2 yesterday of walking her in broad daylight within my neighborhood and man did she love it. 

Last thing, I feel a bit disconnected from my music side lately. I haven’t been reposting much on SoundCloud, not sure if it’s because there hasn’t been good music coming up on the feed, but it really does seem to be the main reason. I guess the other small reason is because my stalker since high school still stalks me online. I get so livid from this, still do. *Ah, I need to contact my inner peace.* Since I discovered this piece of crap started to reach out to me again, I had to private my Instagram again and that kind of made me stopped posting about what I love, which is obviously music. I know that I shouldn’t need to have a person to stop me from doing what I love most, but it’s hard to do so when this person can just sit behind a screen and think of all these god knows fucking what about you. Worst, continuously try to reach out to you. Actually, scratch that worst would be taking screenshots of my pictures. That piece of fuck had done that before and even posted to its social media stating that I am involved with it. lol.

Well, since then, I had also changed the name of my soundcloud, which then also led me to slowly stop reposting. I did find one new Australian band recently with a really good track, but that’s about it. I don’t know what’s going on with the SoundCloud community/artists, but there definitely hasn’t been that much great songs lately. Honestly, YouTube has been more reliable so I’ve been on that a lot for new songs as well as watching a lot of videos, something I used to not do. Well well, since there hasn’t been many ko-ality uploads, here is that band’s track. Definitely would love to feature this song on a vlog or my Instagram page. Ahh, this jam warps me back to SF and especially LA.

https://soundcloud.com/daste-music/sober?in=lamclam/sets/to-another-year

enjoy.

[pepperoniwhirlwind]

🌼~Honesty Hour~🌼 (pt. 2)

     I was asked by @lovelynhiddenkittens to do 150 questions in the honesty hour tag quite a while ago, and only did a third of it. But no longer will this be the case! Midterms are mostly over (the two biggest ones are done at least) so I can focus on more fun things, like answering these questions! Here’s my answers to questions 51-100:

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

     Yes. I have a lot of internalized shame about my body type (petite and curvy) that whenever I see someone super tall or toned I just want to be them. Even if it’s only for a day. I don’t have these wishes so much anymore though. Alex and I have been dating for 5 months (on the 21st of this month) and he loves my body type. Thanks to him, I’m learning to love myself, and learning that I don’t have to be a model to be loved~ 💕

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

     My depression. I feel like it makes me a burden on everyone, and although it’s shaped who I am, has it really changed me for the better? Maybe I’m more understanding and empathetic because of it, but it’s also caused me an inordinate amount of pain, and unnecessary pain for my loved ones.

53. Favorite make-up brand?

     I don’t wear make-up often enough for me to even have a clue.

54. Favorite store?

     What I’m buying changes which store I prefer. If it’s food, I generally hit up Fry’s. If it’s home decor (Which Alex and I needed quite a bit of in recency, given that we just moved into an apartment together a few months ago) I shop at Target. If I need to buy shampoo, face wipes, deodorant, shaving cream, etc. I typically go to Wal-Mart. Does anyone really have just 1 store that they shop at? I know if I bought non-food items at Fry’s I’d go bankrupt. 😂

55. Favorite blog?

     That’s a real tough one. I love all of my Tumblr friend’s blogs. @im-here-cause-im-not-all-there posts a lot of stuff I relate to, same for @theperksofneurodivergency, who always posts great content. Seriously, I could sit here for ages and list off all the people on Tumblr that I follow, but that would be ridiculous. Rest assured that if I follow you, it means I generally like what you post.

56. Favorite color?

     I love darker colors on the cooler end of the color spectrum; mainly green, blue & purple. I even like pastel colors occasionally. Though that’s more likely when I’m being influenced by some of my alters who like lighter colors. Like Honey, who loves pastel colors, and all things sweet really. That’s why sunflowers are her favorite flower. She appreciates all the sunny and cheerful things in life. ☀️ In our inner world, she even has a garden that she tends to regularly, and grows (you guessed it) sunflowers, among other things.

57. Favorite food?

     Oh look, another tough one. Hmm... It really depends what I’m in the mood for. But my boyfriend recently started taking me to Schlotzsky’s, which has a lot of really good sandwiches. Though, I’m always down for some Arby’s. I’m in a rut there, but I don’t care. Their roast beef classic and curly fries are to die for. 😋

58. Last thing you ate?

     Speaking of Arby’s... 😆 I ate there for dinner last night in celebration of passing my proctored exam for my math class. It was worth 75% of my grade, and I wasn’t allowed to have anything (they even confiscated my bottle of water). It took 2 hours and was suuuper stressful. So my BF rewarded me with Arby’s when I passed~ 😄 This is just one of the many reasons why I love him~ 💖

59. First thing you ate this morning?

     It’s the morning right now, and I haven’t eaten yet... 😅 Does the two sips of my boyfriend’s coffee count?... No?... Okay. *sighs* I should go eat now actually, so I can take my morning meds. Thanks for reminding me, Tumblr ask!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

     I got first place in a race once... then immediately quit the track team. 😂 Running just wasn’t for me. I’ve won blue ribbons for art (culinary and painting mostly) before at the 4-H Fair, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in a proper competition that I won. I recently participated in a Drag Show at my college, and even signed my performance (I know ASL, and I hoped it would make me stand out a bit against the competition), but I didn’t win. It was actually a really close call between all the participants, and the host/judge couldn’t decide who the audience cheered louder for, so the lady who’d set up this event had to come up and make the decision. I was one of the first people she decided should leave the stage. So, needless to say, I felt a little embarrassed and defeated afterwards.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

     I never even had detention 😂 ; I was a goody two-shoes growing up. I was always the teacher’s pet, so no, I was never suspended or expelled.

62. Been arrested? For what?

     ⬆️ See the point I made above for your answer. ⬆️ I’d have to cease being a goody two-shoes first before being arrested is even a possibility, so no, my record is squeaky clean... we won’t speak of the songs I’ve illegally downloaded from YouTube though. >-> <-< Don’t tell the po-po about this, or else I’ll be forced to participate in court-ordered rehab for my music addiction. 😂

63. Ever been in love?

     Yes~ 💘 I’m in love right now, with the most supportive and understanding man I’ve ever known~ I shouldn’t have to say who at this point, but I will. It’s my BF, Alex~ ❤️

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss.

     Well, this was back when I lived in Indiana. I had a core group of friends, that all happened to be on the LGBT+ spectrum, so we were practically dripping in rainbow-y goodness. 🌈 Mich, essentially the leader of the group, is trans. While Levi is gay and Laci (she thought she was a lesbian originally, and identified as such for the time that I knew her; I don’t really have contact with any of them anymore) is bi. That just leaves Sasha, who is also bi, and she was my first kiss. Mich, Sasha, I, and others (Levi and Laci weren’t there though) all decided to play spin-the-bottle. Sasha was the first person I landed on, and I still remember her kiss. It was soft, like a cloud, and tasted like strawberries. 🍓 It was a wonderful first kiss, but I definitely prefer kissing Alex the most~ 😍

65. Are you hungry right now?

     Well, considering I just ate a mini donut with my pills... yes, yes I am. 😂 ...Don’t you judge me either! Alex and I bought a bunch of mini donuts for our last D&D gaming sesh at Tyler’s, and there was still a bunch left over, so someone has to eat them, and I didn’t feel like making a proper breakfast. Plus, the one I ate is strawberry flavored, so how could I not eat it? If anyone turns down a strawberry donut, suspect immediately that they are a lizard-person.

66. Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends?

     What a savage question. No, I do not. I like all of my friends, equally, whether they’re online or offline. I only care if my friends are good people or not; and if they care and respect me as much as I do them. Whether they live nearby or not is of little importance to me. I base my friendships off of their character, their morals; not their place of residence.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

     Well, I don’t have a Twitter, and only really check my Facebook once in a blue moon. So... neither?... What, is that not an option? Fine... I choose Facebook... I guess.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

     Tumblr.

69. Are you watching TV right now?

     No, I’m currently typing this... I am listening to music though, of course. 😆

70. Names of your best friends?

     Well, Tyler’s the only friend I have IRL that knows me, like, truly knows me. By that, I means she knows about my DID, among other diagnoses, as we’ve talked at length about both of our diagnoses before. Since she has Bipolar disorder, she gets what it’s like to have a “scary” mental illness; the ones that get characterized by media to always be violent and unhinged. She didn’t judge me or fear me, she only asked questions and tried to learn as much about my system as she could, which tells us that she truly cares and understands. I’ve told other people before, but they’re either no longer a part of my life, or were creeped out by my DID, and are choosing to forget that I ever told them in the first place. My Tumblr friends also know about my DID, given that I post about it and mention it in my blog bio, but there’s a certain level of anonymity on the internet that allows for me to be more open about it. Telling someone IRL? Now that’s terrifying. It takes a lot of trust, and given that I have had some bad reactions in the past, it makes it even more daunting.

71. Craving something? What?

     Honestly? A vacuum. And a mop, while I’m at it. I’ve been cleaning for most of the morning, and those are the only cleaning supplies that I need and don’t have. I keep trying to talk Alex into buying them, but he’s not as bothered by dirty floors as I am. He even walks around barefoot on these filthy floors! IDK how! Even if I’m wearing socks it bothers me. I don’t like stepping on anything, and the only way I don’t feel what’s on the ground is if I’m wearing shoes. So... I basically never take off my shoes except for when I’m in bed. 😂

72. What color are your towels?

     What a weird question. 😆 Before I moved in with Alex, I lived with my parents, and we didn’t have a standard color of towel. We had an assortment of colors from multiple old sets of towels, a lot of them raggedy, some of them bleached, most of them ancient. Then when I started living with Alex, we still have some towels of differing colors, but most of them are blue and soft~ ✨ The sheets and pillow cases are blue too, though a lighter shade.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

     Not anymore. I used to when I was younger though. When I was a kid my stuffed animals felt like my children. I would rotate which ones got to sleep with me each night, hug and kiss them all goodnight then tuck them in. If one of them fell out of my arms in the middle of the night, it would wake me up immediately. Not even a slow, groggy wake-up. It was like my motherly instinct was an alarm clock, so I would wake up instantly and be wide awake, frantically searching for the stuffed animal that fell out of my arms. I would then pick them up, dust them off and apologize, then snuggle them and drift off back to sleep. When I was a teenager, I mostly cuddled them when I was lonely and needed some companionship to fall asleep. Now that I snuggle and sleep with my boyfriend each night, I no longer sleep with my stuffed animals, but I still love them and keep them as decoration for my bed at my parent’s house, since I never really sleep there anymore. I nap there occasionally, but that’s about it.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

     Uhhh... I’ve never actually counted, but at least a tub full.

75. Favorite animal?

     Elephants and foxes, equally~ 💖

76. What color is your underwear?

     I’m wearing black panties at the moment. It’s satiny with lace, so it’s cute and comfy; the best of both worlds. 😉

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

     Definitely chocolate, 🍫 provided it’s not too rich.

78. Favorite ice cream flavor?

     I’m obsessed with matcha green tea ice cream right now, OMG, it’s sooo good~ 😋 Same goes for the matcha green tea frappuccino at Starbucks. It’s the only drink there that I actually get. I’ve tried other beverages they have, and generally don’t like them, but the matcha green tea frap is too delicious for it’s own good.

79. What color shirt are you wearing?

     I’m actually wearing a really comfy dress right now, that I slept in as a nightgown last night. 😆 It’s gray and has a lace band on each sleeve.

80. What color pants?

     ⬆️ Once again, reference my previous entry. ⬆️ I am pantless, given that I’m sporting a dress at the moment.

81. Favorite TV show?

     Oh geez... another hard one. Let’s see... I’ll just put the name of the show I’m watching the most right now. That would have to be “Crazy Ex Girlfriend” on Netflix. Before that I watched the newest seasons of “BoJack Horseman” as well as “Orange Is the New Black”, but I’ve already finished those.

82. Favorite movie?

     Honestly, I’ve been really obsessed with “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” recently. When I re-watched it as an adult, I noticed how much more serious that movie is compared to Disney’s other films. They cover some pretty dark subject matter, and do it well... *sighs* if only they’d nixed the addition of the gargoyles. They ruin every emotional or tense scene that they’re placed in, and make the lighter scenes just plain cringey. I know they wanted to make it suitable for kids, but I think Disney underestimates what kids can handle, especially considering they reference the darker scenes subtly enough so as to keep the movie’s G rating intact. Like what about the goat, Djali, that belongs to Esmeralda? The goat could have been the comic relief, but instead they brought in the talking gargoyles. They couldn’t even do something cool with the gargoyles, like make them a part of Quasi’s imagination. He’s been alone in a bell tower for his entire life, so it would make sense that he would begin talking to the statues and giving them personalities... but no... it’s shown at the end that the gargoyles can interact with and impact the real world, making them a part of it as well.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

     Well, considering I’ve only ever seen the first one, and didn’t even know there was a second one, I’m gonna have to go with “Mean Girls”.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

     I’ve never seen “21 Jump Street”, so once again, “Mean Girls” takes the cake.

85. Favorite character from Mean Girls?

     Oh, that’s hard, especially when they’re all such fun characters. Janis is pretty cool, so she’s up there, but Karen is probably my favorite. She’s such a simple, naive soul, you can’t help but love her.

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo?

     Dory, hands down. But I wanna give a special shout-out to Bubbles, the character from the fish tank that, (you guessed it) is obsessed with bubbles. 😆 He cracks me up every time.

87. First person you talked to today?

     Alex. Considering we both wake up in the same bed, it would be nearly impossible for him not to be the one I talk to first thing in the morning.

88. Last person you talked to today?

     Once again, Alex, given that it’s still early in the day and I haven’t seen anybody else yet.

89. Name a person you hate?

     All of my abusers. Every. Single. One. They made me feel small, worthless, and unloved. So I hope each one of them feels that way for the rest of their miserable existences.

90. Name a person you love?

     My boyfriend, Alex~ He’s my world, my hopes and dreams, and everything I aspire to be~ 💖

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

     No. I want to punch all of my abusers in the balls. With a baseball bat. Repeatedly, until they’re infertile.

92. In a fight with someone?

     No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

     Only one. I want to buy more, but that requires that I have money, which I don’t.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

     I have my Nirvana sweatshirt, my “Nightmare Before Christmas” sweatshirt, and two hoodies with my college logo on them. One’s gray and the other is red.

95. Last movie you watched?

     “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”.

96. Favorite actress?

     I have no idea. So I’m gonna go find a list of the top 100 actresses and go from there. *some time passes* So, I found an actress I actually know, and that’s Krysten Ritter, who played Jessica Jones on Netflix’s hit series named (you guessed it again! Wow, you’re really good at this.) “Jessica Jones”.

97. Favorite actor?

     That’s a tie between Robin Williams (I really miss him... He was such a vibrant and energetic actor, who also knew how to portray more serious, and heart-felt scenes. He was a skilled actor and a good man. May he rest in peace.) and Tom Hanks. I like quite a few films starring those actors.

98. Do you tan a lot?

     Never.

99. Have any pets?

     No... 😭 RIP Batman and Robin (my previous pet hermit crabs).

100. How are you feeling?

     Productive! I practically cleaned the whole apartment in like 2 hours this morning, and just finished another third of this ask! I’m on a roll, and intend to do homework in a minute. For now though, I’d like to thank everyone who read through to the end, as well as thank @lovelynhiddenkittens for sending the ask in the first place! Sorry it’s taking so much time to finish it, but I’m over halfway done now! Whoo~! 🎉 *sets off a confetti popper and basks in the confetti shower* Anyways, take care everyone! I hope you all have a fantastic rest of your day (or night, wherever you are, just have a wonderful time!) See ya ‘round the bend~! 👋

*grabs a broom and begins sweeping up the confetti, muttering to myself* Why do I do this? Every time, I know I’m gonna have to clean it, but I do it anyway...

#honesty hour #asks #tony

[bloojayoolie]

Click, Dogs, and Energy: ,. ld 50185, 2Yrs, 43 lbs. *. Manhattan ACC Rome : Ridiculously sweet, ; social, friendly,wiggly ., playful girl.Adores. eople ..-' TO BE KILLED – 12/19/2018 She’s sugar sweet, so petite, and full of joy! ROME is absolutely adorable and she's adored by everyone at the Manhattan Center. There is something so innocent and heartfelt about her, and yes, she is just a youngster at barely 2 years of age. We recall a movie “To Rome with Love” that centered around some individuals and their love, hope and dreams in that eternal city. Our girl ROME is saying “FROM Rome with Love” and her hopes and dreams center around a family who will see how incredibly loveable she is and pick her to be their friend and companion for life. She is so wiggly, so social, so friendly and happy to make new friends. She is great with people and she has the SAFER to prove it. She simply ACED her behavior and was soft and social with the assessor the whole time. All she asks, and she knows this is a BIG ask, is that she be your “one and only” Doggy Child. She simply wants you all to herself. Please don’t overlook her, or let her die for that. She has so many wonderful gifts to bring to a deserving family, and she is so deserving. Hurry and Message or page or email us at [email protected] for assistance fostering or adopting this amazing beauty so her dream of a family can come true. ROME, ID# 50185, @ 2 Yrs. Old, 43 lbs. of Adorable Manhattan ACC, Medium Mixed Breed, White / Brown, Unaltered Female I came to the shelter as a stray, on 12/9/2018 Shelter Assessment Rating: New Hope Rescue Only Intake Behavior Rating: 1. Green AT RISK MEMO: While Rome is social with people, Rome has shown concerning levels of dog reactivity in the care center that will need to managed by a New Hope partner. Medically there are no concerns at this time. INTAKE NOTES, DATE OF INTAKE – 12/9/2018: Upon intake, Rome allowed the counselor to pet, leash and collar her. OWNER SURRENDER NOTES – BASIC INFORMATION: Rome is a female, large mixed breed dog that as found as a stray. Her previous history and behaviors are unknown. The person who surrendered Rome stated she is friendly around strangers. Rome was hard barking, hackles raised, and lunging towards dogs she saw. She has a high energy level. Finder stated she had no medical issues. SHELTER ASSESSMENT – DATE OF ASSESSMENT, 12/12/2018 Look:: 1. Dog's eyes are averted, with tail wagging and ears back. Allows head to be held loosely in Assessor's cupped hands. Sensitivity:: 1. Dog leans into the Assessor, eyes soft or squinty, soft and loose body, open mouth. Tag:: 1. Dog assumes play position and joins the game. Or dog indicates play with huffing, soft 'popping' of the body, etc. Dog might jump on Assessor once play begins. Paw squeeze 1:: 1. Dog gently pulls back his/her paw. Paw squeeze 2:: 1. Dog gently pulls back his/her paw. Flank squeeze 1:: Item not conducted Flank squeeze 2:: Item not conducted Toy:: 1. No interest. Summary:: Rome approached the assessor with a soft body. She was social throughout the assessment, allowed all handling, and displayed no concerning behaviors. PLAYGROUP NOTES – DOG TO DOG SUMMARIES: Rome has displayed high levels of reactivity toward other dogs in the care center (lunging, growling and snapping while on leash and passing kennels). She lunged, growled, and snapped at the gate when conducting a gate greeting with the male helper dog. A single dog residence is recommended for Rome. She should be kept out of dog park environments and areas of dog traffic. Summary (1):: 12/10: Rome lunges, growls, and bites the gate when attempting a gate greeting with the male helper dog. She continue to pull forward and vocalize with a tense body. 12/12: A realistic prop dog is brought out to further assess behavior while minimizing risk of incident or stress to the helper dog. Rome rushes over, grabs and bites the neck of the prop dog. INTAKE BEHAVIOR - Date of intake:: 12/9/2018. Summary: Social, allowed handling. ENERGY LEVEL:: We have no history on Rome so we cannot be certain of her behavior in a home environment. However, she is a young, enthusiastic, social dog who will need daily mental and physical activity to keep her engaged and exercised. We recommend long-lasting chews, food puzzles, and hide-and-seek games, in additional to physical exercise, to positively direct her energy and enthusiasm. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: NEW HOPE ONLY Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: Single-pet home,Recommend no dog parks,Place with a New Hope partner Recommendations comments:: Place with a New Hope partner: Due to the severity for Rome's reactivity towards other dog, we recommend placement with a New Hope partner who can provide any necessary behavior modification (force-free, positive reinforcement-based) and re-evaluate behavior in a stable home environment before placement into a permanent home. Single pet home/no dog parks: See DOG-DOG INTERACTION ASSESSMENT. Due to the high level of concerning reactivity and behavior toward dogs, Rome should remain the only resident dog and be kept out of dog park settings. It is recommended that Rome be muzzled where there may be areas of high dog traffic. Potential challenges: : Anxiety,On-leash reactivity/barrier frustration Potential challenges comments:: On-leash reactivity/barrier frustration: Rome is extremely reactive towards other dogs at the care center, lunging towards them, growling, and snapping. Rome will need positive reinforcement, reward based training to teach her to look at you rather than other dogs. We recommend a front clip harness or head halter to help manage this behavior. Anxiety: Rome appears anxious at the care center, pacing, panting, and whining. This is likely due to being surrounded by other dogs at the care center, but we do not know if will occur outside of the care center. If it does appear in a future home, we recommend puzzle toys, long walks, and giving her other things to focus on to alleviate her anxiety. Positive reinforcement, force-free training only should be used. MEDICAL EXAM NOTES 12/12/2018 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: ~4-6yrs based on PE. Microchip noted on Intake? mc# 911002001366998 History : stray found roaming in a park. Subjective / Observed Behavior - BAR; heavy panting and pacing. Allows all handling for exam. Reported to be dog reactive. Evidence of Cruelty seen - none Evidence of Trauma seen - none Objective BCS 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears have moderate brown exudate, AU; no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: dc 1/5; pd 1/5; did not fully evaluate due to being muzzled PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: No murmur ausculted; CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupneic -- difficult to auscult due to heavy stertor ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: intact female. no scar or tattoo seen. MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: externally normal. Assessment otitis externa dental disease stertorous breathing suspect secondary to breed conformation Prognosis: good Plan: ear cleaning claro otic recommend considering brachycephalic protocol (midazolam and butorphanol) for OVH premedication to ensure airway control is maintained trazodone 200mg PO q12h x 14 days SURGERY: Okay for surgery *** TO FOSTER OR ADOPT *** ROME IS RESCUE ONLY. You must fill out applications with New Hope Rescues to foster or adopt her. She cannot be reserved online at the ACC ARL, nor can she be direct adopted at the shelter. PLEASE HURRY AND MESSAGE OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE! HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! *PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! ** STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account \ Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU *CANNOT* GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications.

#funny #lol #humor #memes #meme #memehumor #dank memes #funny pics #rolf #lmao #Click #Dogs #and Ener

[ayellowbirds]

I know, I promised an update earlier today. The thing is that my household has been dealing with what seemed like small problems snowballing into bigger and bigger problems; our only car can’t pass inspection and the troubleshooting of why has turned up problems with the fuel pump and control arm that are being estimated at a couple thousand dollars in parts and labor; we’re going to see about whether another mechanic can do that for less, but we’re still expecting a significant cost. That’s in addition to making up for the cost of a rental, and on top of testing for both myself and my father turning up unexpected medical problems, which are compounded by the lack of reliable transportation, and our general practitioner being on vacation. 

I said yesterday that NaNo was a big undertaking that has absorbed a huge part of my time, and has been very emotionally rewarding. But it’s also been emotional labor, and that labor is affected by not only dealing with these problems, but interacting with my short-tempered senior citizen father and acting as a go-between between him and other people, including doctors and relatives.

We have some savings, but that can only take us so far, and there’s costs outside of the more urgent ones. 

If anyone is up for helping offset those costs, please click here for a Paypal donation page, or here for my Ko-Fi if that’s easier for you. 

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And now, the penultimate update:

The 29th of Lumeary, 5647 CC

“Next, I guess we’ll wrap things up with those who want to come back alive,” Cypora said, looking through the papers. They’d traveled out to a border town to purchase some more food and other goods, as Etzbamoreh was more of a holy site for the dead than a place to buy things living ‘tourists’ might need. Here, they even saw some living mortals, and undead who were likely on their way to see about resurrection. It had been agreed that it would be bad to harass adventurers here, and they kept as low a profile as they could manage while still dealing with the more self-aware of the rephaim to barter for goods and services.

She spread the pages out in stacks, handing some to Shiaroc, and others to Sefora. Orangella was at a stall nearby, haggling over the value of some pieces of treasure she was trying to exchange for dried fruits; her turn to deal with the oddities of the local merchants after Cypora had worked herself into an anxious mess negotiating for supplies to make switchel.*

“How are you feeling about all the volkelak coming back?” she asked Sefora, who was reviewing her pages. Under the table, Sharf yawned, and Cypora reached down to pet her and give her a snack.

Sefora seemed to think about it, flipping the pages about as a distraction. “It’s going to be good, but different. I guess I got used to it just being me and the kids, and before that, a few others. I don’t even know most of the people in here, they’re from before my time.”

“You came to the dungeon recently?” Cypora asked, and Sefora nodded. “I guess I didn’t think about that, much. Newcomers, versus those who were there from the start. And me, the newest-comer of all.”

“We will vouch for you,” Shiaroc assured her, and under the table, curled her tail around to brush against Cypora.

“Thanks,” Cypora felt the heat of a blush on her face. She had her mask up, but the papers made it easier to hide the redness. “What about you? How do you feel about all of your people returning?”

Shiaroc slumped, and let out a long breath. “I thought I would be happy. But, I am frightened? What will they think of me, and the choices I made? There are many mothers coming back. There are champions who fell, before me. To face them is making me feel stress.”

“I can relate,” Cypora said, laying her hand over Shiaroc’s own. “My legs felt like jelly when we met with the Old Goat, and now we’re going to bring back Joia-Douce, who was overlord after him and right before me.”

She realized that might have been insensitive, and looked at Sefora, trying to gauge her reaction. She had apparently been distracted by something in the other papers, the ones that neither she nor Shiaroc had been reviewing.

“Eh?” Sefora startled, looking up in the silence. “Sorry, I didn’t really know her, but I remember that she basically took the job because nobody wanted it right after the Old Goat died. And then she holed herself up and refused to interact with anyone, which I guess is how she wound getting sick and dying. It takes a lot for sickness to kill a loup-garou.”

She picked up one of the pages she’d been reviewing. “Anyway, I was wondering about some of the people we’re bringing back. I don’t know that the witch-does or the pigmen will get along with the loups-garou.”

Although she’d never† met one—all those that had lived in the dungeon had been slain in previous raids by adventurers—Cypora knew from her studies under Madrona that these were near-kin to the volkelaks: not humans who had acquired, been cursed, or born with the ability to take on the form and features of a monstrous wolf, they were instead people who took on the aspects and bodies of swine and deer. The pigmen were especially dreadful; she shuddered to imagine being afflicted with turning into that most trayf of animals.

“Ah, because they turn into animals that wolves hunt?” she guessed.

Sefora blinked, before slowly and flatly responding, “no.”

“Then, why?”

“They’re more vicious than any wolf,” Sefora said. “Brutal, bloody, cruel. Loups-garou will hunt people, sure. But pigmen and witch-does will play with them, like a cat with a mouse.”

This had been one of Cypora’s worries about the inhabitants of the dungeon. It was true that some of those who still remained, like Hashraa, were openly murderous. Others made a pretense of it: a number of the lizard-people had casually mentioned having eaten human flesh after killing adventurers, but that had turned out to be a boast, and they had admitted when Cypora questioned them that they found the idea unappealing. In the latter case, it simply added to the bluff that Cypora wanted to create of the ‘scary evil queen’. But she did not wish to take it too far; the entire point of being ‘evil’ was to oppose the corrupt ‘goodness’ of adventurers.

She couldn’t make that work out if innocent people were being tortured.

“Do you suppose,” she ventured, “we could direct that at the adventurers, only? Expand the Avanturistyegers into something larger, more genuine?”

With excellent timing, Orangella sat down at the table. She gestured to the stall. “I got the price down to half, but we’ll have to haul the crates ourselves. I guess we’re not taking the whole dozen.”

“Nu, I can carry most of them, if I float” Cypora responded. “But did you catch any of what we said there?”

“Yeah, I did,” Orangella said. She shut her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “We’ll need someone to give them direction. Scoloaster’s a good start, and Lináloe’s anger is just directed at adventurers. The taily-pos only care about getting back what’s stolen. And that’s just the First Company, which is only six people, anyway. If we expand the Second Company to more than one member….”

“You made light of the ranks and status, but perhaps we should take them more seriously,” Shiaroc suggested.

“If we do that,” Orangella began, and paused again. “If we do that, there’s something I want to do, first. I want to see if the dungeon extends into the yenne velt, and if I can get down there.”

“Visiting the donstairsikes?”‡ Cypora chuckled. “Of course. We should learn as much as we can about the dungeon, in and out, up and down. Maybe you could even find some cousins?”

“Maybe,” Orangella smiled.

“So, discuss it with them, but hold off on formal recruitment, especially since you want them to settle back into living a bit before putting them on the heels of adventurers?” Sefora said.

“Sounds good,” Cypora agreed, reaching to look over the pages in question. There were details of the lives of each, and, in a useful bit, the natures of their transgressions in that time. It seemed to have some bearing on the costs of bringing them back, though there were other factors she could not entirely work out. It was possible that half of it was simply Q’dushah’s whims. “I see some possibilities, a few of these sound like they might want to do it even if we don’t ask them. So! We bring back this bunch, and then it’s just all the folks who only want to come back as zombies and dybbuks and the like, which I’m sure Qurra will be pleased about.”

“What’s with you two?” Sefora asked, apparently not missing the scorn in Cypora’s voice.

“She just bugs me,” Cypora responded, curtly. The truth was that she didn’t know, and didn’t feel like examining it. “I can’t just be bothered by someone? I don’t have to be everyone’s friend.”

“Not a friend,” Shiaroc said, “but you should be her ally. You cannot rely only on friendship to be an overlord or queen.”

“Probably right, there. Anyway,” Orangella added, ”she likes you.”

Cypora didn’t realize she’d been leaning back on the bench until she nearly fell off of it. “She does not.”

A chorus of refutation met her.

“She’s always bugging ‘Ricia, gushing about you,” said Orangella.

“I think she at least admires you,” Shiaroc agreed. Her manner turned sly in a way that Cypora didn’t want to admit was exciting. “And maybe she hopes for more, if I am reading humans right.”

“She—” Cypora began, but was interrupted by Sefora.

“We need to solve your body language problems,” the loup-garou girl said, jabbing a finger at Cypora. “She’s been hanging on your every word when she wasn’t practically hanging on you, when you came by.”

“This is absurd,” Cypora insisted, and stood up, wobbling for a moment on a leg that shot with pain, before lifting herself up with the magic in her boots. She hovered her way over to the crates of dried fruits that had been set aside. “And it’s getting late, let’s get these paid for and ready to feed some bellies. Caracosa will already be waiting for us at the station in Kaf.”

There was silence behind her.

She turned back, already starting to bend down to lift some of the crates. “What?”

Shiaroc, Sefora, and Orangella looked at each other—or, more accurately, Sefora looked between Shiaroc and Orangella, and Orangella stared at Shiaroc and nodded towards Cypora. Even Sharf seemed to cast a concerned look her way.

Shiaroc spoke up, standing and walking up to meet her. “We are worried about your pains. This is not a normal amount of time for the changes to take place, for an overlord.”

Cypora had been hoping this wouldn’t come up, even though, rationally, she didn’t have a reason to hide it from her friends, allies, whatever she would call Shiaroc, now. She took a deep breath.

“I might have asked for some unusual changes,” she started to explain, before realizing it wasn’t really an explanation, and adding, “or more accurately, unusual conditions for the changes. I was hoping I could, well, hang onto it as an ace in case of something serious, to deal with a real threat.”

Shiaroc nodded. “You like to keep opponents misdirected. It works very well. But we are not your opponents.”

“You’re right,” Cypora admitted, standing up and pulling down her mask as a living half-giant and a dog rounded the corner. She didn’t feel like more strangers seeing her face. “I should’ve told you—everyone, but especially you—what it was.”

She was about to explain, she would swear, later on, when it came up. Really, she was. But Alícha de Matos rounded a corner and walked into Shiaroc.

“Sorry, Miss Frawley,” she began, but looked up and saw Shiaroc. “You?”

It was absurd. The adventurer had been left far outside of the dungeon, far even from Crossroads. Cypora had made sure the Avanturistyegers had seen to that, even giving Scoloaster instructions to try to leave her nearer to a place where she could be distracted by other things than finding her way back to the Timber Barony, based on what the dybbuk had plucked out of her mind while possessing her. On top of all of that, she’d had the instructions for the one other volunteer, the sole member of the Second Company. Everything should have kept the dangerous little brute as far away from her dungeon and its people as possible, but here she was, interrupting things between her and Shiaroc again.

She heard herself and Shiaroc repeat the question from Alícha, “you?”

It was too much. She grabbed her shepherd’s axe from where it was stuffed through her belt, under her cloak, and lashed out without any expertise or direction. “What are you doing here?”

Surprise worked in her favor, but aim didn’t, and she caught Alícha with the blunt side, rather than the axe head. Enough of her anger and strength went into the blow, though, and it knocked her back; Alícha clutched at her rib where the wild attack had landed.

Cypora put her will back into the boots, and flew up and out of reach, casting a quick eye over the area. The half-giant and dog had reacted, and were moving to support Alícha, who had unsheathed her sword and was backing up, taking fast, wide glances. She still had the eyepatch, but Cypora couldn’t count on her fighting ability being affected by it.

Nearer to Alícha, three more adventurers. A zombie in oversized clothes and with an even more oversized sword—that must have been the reason they were in Sheol, for a resurrection—and two more mortal-looking humans, one pale and straw-haired with a nasty-looking hammer, and the other with long black hair and a longer bow that already had an arrow nocked. Among them, the last Avanturistyeger, her intended double agent, staring straight at her.

She caught their eye, and mouthed, “not yet,” shaking her head.

An arrow zipped through the fabric of her cloak, grazing her arm.

* It had been agreed that an alcoholic beverage would be too pricey and not truly thirst-quenching would be more suitably replaced with something they could make from scratch, with some cheap ingredients. Fortunately, there was a source of cheap, strong ginger in Sheol, and vinegar was in plentiful supply. The truly costly part would be sweetening it, as the dead seemed to relish their sugar and neither syrup nor honey came at a low bulk price. Cypora made mental notes to convince Keturah to start arranging for beekeeping at the dungeon, which would be easy, and to see about tapping the maple trees, which would be complex and required expertise she lacked.

† This was false, but Cypora had no way of discerning a shapeshifter in human guise, at least, not prior to becoming the overlord of the dungeon. Individuals of several kinds had entered and left her life between her birth and adulthood.

‡ “Downstairs neighbors”

The 29th of Lumeary, 5647 CC, Alícha.

Alícha saw Tavi loose an arrow at Cypora, in the same instant that the lizard-person Shiaroc swung out her tail like a whip. The very end caught Alícha as she dodged, slashing her clothes but not doing more than scratching her.

“Who the—?” Broke yelped, unbuckling zir sword and moving to defend her, even as she moved back to form a circle with her party. Pheribee was joining them, as was Lucky.

“Remember those rumors about ‘adventurer-hunting monsters’?” she yelled even as Cypora and her monstrous allies began to call to each other. It had been the biggest new chatter among adventurers since the last dungeon discovery. “This is their boss and her buddies!”

A cloud of smoke encircled them in a ring, expanding up into a wall. “What’s happening?”

Dots were connected. The other girl she’d recognized, who must have been the Orangella of the Wisps from the stories going around. “The mazik, half-shedah! She can manipulate smoke and shadow, watch your eyes and breath!”

“Got it,” Pheribee replied matter-of-factly, and swirled one hand over her head. It made a little tornado with their party at the eye, spiralling the smoke into the dark sky of Sheol.

Even as she did, Orangella was leaping through the wind to attack, and from the other sides, Cypora, Shiaroc, and a loup-garou. Alícha moved to protect Tavi, who did better at range, and caught Shiaroc’s attack with her sword. The wooden staff the towering beast-woman used was heavier than it looked, and Alícha felt like she had blocked steel instead of wood. The least she’d get out of this would be an agonizingly sore arm.

As she traded blows with Shiaroc, Alícha caught sight of the others fighting. Tavi dropped herself into Pheribee’s hand, and the anaqah tossed her out of the middle of the fight into some haystacks a good distance away. In the adrenaline-sped thinking of battle, Alícha had just enough time to wonder what kind of crops the land of the dead grew that they had haystacks in the first place—and then she was bracing against a sweep of Shiaroc’s tail to her legs.

She let herself tumble over, rolling into the fall rather than just being tripped, and caught her opponent with a sword strike that managed to stab between the wooden slats and pierce leather. Unfortunately, only a shallow stab. She had time to move her sword to defend as Shiaroc reacted, and dodged swings of the staff that kicked up a cloud of dirt around her, hopping back.

Tavi was loosing arrows that thudded into the loup-garou, but didn’t seem to achieve much. The problem with shapeshifters was that, even in human form, too few things truly hurt them. This one was heavily bandaged, and ugly scars were visible beneath as she grew into a larger form. ‘A wolf on two legs’ would have been a way to describe it, if you only knew wolves from old illustrations by people who had only seen wolves in nightmares. Far too many teeth, far too much mouth. Arms and legs too long by half. Eyes that gleamed yellow as the full moon.

Broke was engaged with fighting Orangella, pairing zir sword with zir ink-slingers. More than just a distraction or a means to create a slippery surface, Broke had picked up the magical skill of making the released ink go where ze wanted, and achieving strange effects by writing into the air and onto whatever surface ze wished to affect. The name of an angel of air the fell on the mazik, and she was flung back, the candle in her hand cast away.

Pheribee and Lucky were paired off against one of the strange dogs that accompanied Cypora, an axe-faced creature. Alícha had read up on the creatures she encountered in the dungeon after her previous battle with Cypora, and even more so once the rumors started to reach her ears; this “axehandle hound” was far larger and more densely-muscled than most.

Cypora was faced by Lodemia, who was snarling and using the haft of her sledgehammer like a spear, jabbing at the ‘Evil Queen’. But Cypora’s axe was faster, and lighter, and while Lodemia’s frenzy made her ridiculously strong, it didn’t make a sledgehammer any less unwieldy a weapon. Even an enchanted one.

The 29th of Lumeary, 5647 CC, Cypora

Cypora dodged the hammer blows, not with great effort but a good deal of frustration. Her opponent was the type of adventurer who was famous for giving in to a berserker rage as a path to strength. If any of her strikes landed, they would have been devastating, but with such an absurdly oversized weapon, she was slowed and couldn’t match up to the lightness and speed Cypora’s boots granted her.

Another oversized weapon was in the hands of the zombie. Some sort of magic-user who balanced enchantments with ink and the use of the sword, but what an absurd sword. It had the reach to catch Orangella, but since Orangella was better at a distance, anyway, the fight was in her favor. It didn’t help that the zombie kept casting spells that actually maintained the distance between zir and Orangella.

Sefora was doing just as well, casually plucking arrows out of her now fully-transformed body, and moving to assist Shiaroc, who was battling Alícha. Where Shiaroc had started to use a staff of enchanted wood from the dungeon, Sefora had picked her weapons from among what the Avanturistyegers had recovered.

Even Sharf had an opponent, battling both the dog and the anaqah. The dog was yelling out incantations of spells, and the air around them was swirling and twisting in nauseating ways.

Cypora didn’t know about those last two. The reports that had been snuck back to the dungeon by her agent had covered the details of Alícha’s party, and other sightings. In fact, the details of the reports were part of why she was now so frustrated.

The damnable thing about it was that Alícha seemed to be one of the only halfway decent adventurers. It was as if she’d taken all of Cypora’s anger and insults during their first fight back in the mortal world, and started trying to turn around the institution of adventuring. But it was an institution, and Cypora knew that the corruption and greed ad the heart of it were too much for Alícha de Matos to dismantle, especially if she was doing so while still being an adventurer herself. It was frustrating, maddening, even. It had kept her up, the nights after each report. If the other girl hadn’t gotten into adventuring, they might have even wound up allies, friends.

But that wasn’t how it had worked out. Maybe in the future, maybe if they could get out of this battle.

#Cypora’s Guide to Cementing Your Rule As An Evil Queen

[hypnoticharlequin]

Hypnotist Posters (Again!)

I’ve done this once before, but there are so many interesting old hypnotist posters around I couldn’t resist showing off some more I’ve come across.

I covered the Flints in my previous post but I wanted to show this one off. I actually unironically love this poster as it reminds me of Dante Gabriel Rossetti’s works due to the floral pattern and the lush skin tone used on Miss Flint. 

What I have found out since the last installment was that Miss Flint was heavily advertised as a solo performer, getting her own posters and other things. According to one source I found, she was famed for her dress collection and women would attend her shows, just to see what dress she was wearing that night!

Also, she had the cutest nickname a hypnotist has ever had. Seriously, “The Little Hypnotic Subeam” is just fantastic and would actually make her stand out amongst her contemporaries who went for much more formal and authoritarian titles.

I think this poster is from the 1890s. At least that is the date I see linked to this poster when it is mentioned and the art style sort of fits that date.

Obviously, the first thing that draws your attention is Kennedy and his pose. Where a lot of hypnotists went for a more intimidating or solid pose, Kennedy seems rather fancy-free.

Also, it’s nice to see the moon from Majora’s Mask getting work. This was one of it’s earlier appearances while it was still young and fresh faced. The people on the moon are pretty cute, I like the woman in the middle, I mean it takes a lot of effort to be having so much fun you almost fall off the moon. This poster seems to fit in with a tradition that saw magicians hanging out with various magical beings on their posters. Seriously, the sheer number of posters that feature magicians just chilling with Satan is pretty mind blowing.

If I could sum this poster up in one sound, it would be never ending screams. 

Now, I can’t find much about “The Amazing Ormond” but I do wonder if this is Ormond McGill, better known as Dr. Zomb. He wrote the book “Encyclopedia of Genuine Stage Hypnotism” which is still considered to be the bible of stage hypnosis. 

This poster is honestly terrifying. I’m not sure if it’s partially due to the reproduction, old paper stock with a black background is notorious for its inability to scan well. But the black eyes mixed with the uplighting give this a seriously creepy vibe, Ormond’s face having an almost uncanny valley look to it.  

But, I can’t deny it worked, I’m not able to go through my folder of hypnosis posters without this one catching my eye. In fact, one of the main reasons I am writing this post is so I can delete this image from my hard drive. 

I don’t know why, but this poster reminds me of a perfume ad. I’m not sure if it’s the color palette or Miss Brandon’s slightly wistful look. 

Joan Brandon is pretty famous in magic circles for being the first televised female magician. She was famous for combing her magic with orchestra music (played by her own orchestra) and was very well known for her signature trick, a magic cocktail bar (a variation on the Think-A-Drink trick.) 

In hypnosis circles, she is most known for her books, The Art of Hypnotism, Successful Hypnotism, The Science of Self-Hypnosis and Help Yourself Thru Hypnotism and Self Hypnosis which are all still good reads even to this day. 

The Art Of Hypnotism is also known for its rather amusing photographic illustrations. It’s easy to find online but quite often turns up for a few dollars on eBay or in second-hand bookstores and I thoroughly recommend it. 

This poster is one of those I see around a lot and only recently bothered to look into the history of. It’s from 1966 and I always thought it was from later on. This poster looks just so very 60s I really had it down as a later parody of the style as opposed to actually just being of that era. 

It actually took me a long time to find out even the most basic things about this guy but Merlin (real name William Joseph Rawle) was from Australia and was Australia’s oldest performing hypnotist.

I want to zoom into the text under Merlin for a moment, as it is rather glorious. 

It really is a throwback to older posters to have a description of the acts performed front and center, but compared to some of the older hypnosis posters (which promised utterly insane things) this seems rather restrained. In fact, these are now considered stock hypnotist tricks.  

What makes me chuckle is the onion eating trick. It’s done all the time but it always interests me to see which fruit is used as the replacement taste. In the UK it always tended to be an apple, and I’ve seen orange used a bit in the US. I wonder if you could do a chart of “onion taste replacement fruits” arranged by geography. 

Being the oldest performing hypnotist, Merlin has several other posters over the years. 

This one focuses more on his mind reading as opposed to his hypnotism, but I utterly love the design. It has this almost 3D effect which makes it look like the poster has a few actual physical layers, but I do suspect it might be the issue with scanning black ink rearing it’s ugly head once more.  

While the last one was pretty joyous this one is practically metal, with its skulls and very industrial images in the crystal ball.

 This poster seems very old school compared to the other two, mostly due to how text-heavy it is. But unlike some posters, the claims all seem pretty normal by today’s standards. The only one that sticks out to me is the one about treating children for nervous complaints while they sleep. All the methods I have seen for this involve just standing and whispering to your child while they sleep because nothing helps the nerves more than an adult looming over your bed whispering at you in the deepest, darkest night. 

Virgil and Julie were a big magic act in the 1950s and 1960s taking shows containing a few hundred illusions around the world. 

Hypnotism played a part but it was nowhere near the focus of the show, but this poster is something to behold, it really is a mish-mash of everything that was hip in the era. The B-movie Esq UFO and the almost eerie-cutie spacewoman flying around it. 

Julie’s costume is very similar to that of the Jeannie from the Tv series I Dream Of Jeannie which debuted in 1965 and went a long way to putting the “harem” costume we know today into the public consciousness.

I want to end on this poster which became quite the rabbit hole for me and I’m frankly not 100% sure I’m correct on all of it. 

I had a real good laugh when I saw the Reveer because he looks like every stereotype of a magician and hero cowboy got thrown into a blender. The turban and the Lone Ranger mask just look so silly together. 

I also found it funny that his name was close to that of Reveen, the hypnotist famous for his performances in Canada who would have been performing at around this time.

Then I got to digging and found I could find hardly anything on Reveer, apart from some poster seller listing him as Tony Cole, a magician who apparently worked sharpshooting into his magic act which does explain the Lone Ranger mask.

Tony Cole also apparently had posters of his own, but all I can find of them is the following: 

And no, Tumblr isn’t going weird, that is the only image I can find of one of his posters. I did, however, turn up a news article on him from 1977 from “The Independent Record from Helena, Montana” advertising a show he was going to do. 

As you can see the resembelence is there so I presume this is the same guy.

As an aside, you might realize this picture is totally and utterly unreadable. The place I found it had the plain text of the article, unfortunately, it was made by OCR copying the document and the results are an utter mess.

Some highlights include: 

To be able to make someone do what another person desires carl brln^a gleam .into the eyes of ambitious people. 

This impression oF hypnotism's power is one of the mast fallacious and dangerous, according to Cole, who when pressed will admit bis lull name is Tony Colo, a hypnotist, magician ami entertainer.

In between all the weird OCR errors, we can see a recurring theme that Tony Cole doesn’t like to use his first name, which means he is the Cole from the latter poster and would explain why he would make a stage character.

M PEOPLE L'NDEH HYPNOSIS won t do anything they wouldn't do normally, " ttie Canadian-born entertainer said In an Interview In Helena. 

Cole recalled ihnl a Groat Falls A A W manager had been hypnotized and was told he was Elvis Presley. The man began gyrating and singing, dulng spills and performing in the late-lfloOs style (bat endeared Presley lo the teen set. Cole said. He added that the shy A & W manager would not normally rarry 1 don't think a person has to put someone in an embarrassing situation or use anything smutty or not in clean family fun in order to entertain. 

I’m sure we can all agree that Elvis’ late-LfloOs style was by far his best style and one that really became his signature. And all of the teen girls were into Elvis for his pet bat. 

He tries, to Tony Cole, a hypnotist, magician and all-around entertainer correct any misconceptions about hypnotism, anri he hypnotizes willing members of the audience. 

He tries to himself? Is that some artsy way of saying he tries to be himself?

On his stage, people might shiver In Ihc arctic temperatures he has described or away In Lhc breeze like palm trees. 

And his chauffeur and helper, Wayne Adolph, emphatically added In his gravelly voice. "It's real."

I don’t know why that bit made me laugh so hard, but it really did. I’m not sure if it’s the fact the guy is called his “helper” or just the fact he decided to just randomly join the interview. 

MORE AND MORE PEOPLE are believing in Ihr authenticity of hypnosis, contends Cole, who has certificates from at least three schools of hypnotism and who has been licensed to leach hypnotism Physicians, dentists, psychiatrists, pollliuUnH, ministers, entertainers, teachers, lawyers, salesmen, atnletes and pilots are among those, who are studying or using hypnosis, Cole said. 

Some beneficial uses for which hypnosis Is being sLudled include easing childbirth, treating alcoholism, slopping smokers from Indulging and treating empbysemn and asthma victims to breathe properly. 

All of these arc medical uses or hypnosis and "the practitioner must by certified as a hypnolechuician and receive a doctor's prescribed order before he hypnotizes someone. Cole said. 

Yes, everyone remember to become certified as a hypnolechuician, that is a very important qualification to have. 

But ask him about himself and the answers dissolve in shrugs and evasiveness. He doesn't like to use his first name. 

Again, some more information that works with the idea that Cole had a few side characters he played sometimes. 

 He makes good money at hypnotism and his oilier entertainments as he travels across the country and into Canada. 

However, I do not wish to see Mr. Cole’s oilier entertainments.

"I know I have a talent but that talent should he scared. ]f pc0pte |,ave a latent and don't share it they re ripping it elf." 

And your guess is as good as mine on this last one. 

So there we have it, The Great Reveer, hypnotist and fiction all rolled into one oddly costumed package. I wish I could find more on this as there seems to be an interesting story in here, but unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any records I can find.

However, if this taught us anything, it’s that if I get bored of hypnosis, I can just turn this into a bad OCR blog. 

#hypnosis #hypnotism #stage hypnosis #posters #design #hypnotists #ocr

[datingadviceonreddit]

This is gonna be a long story and may not be as full of thrill as you might expect, but I would really appriciate any advice or insight I could get, so bear with me, if you can.Tldr: Manipulative ex gf thanked me for getting her through school and family isssues for 8 years by screwing her coworker and letting me find the used panties.Since there´s a lot of talk about abuse in relationships I´ve come to think about my last relationship and whether my (27m) ex-gf (25f) emotionally abused me. This is in no form a talk of physical abuse, but coming out of the bubble I was in, when I was still with her, I think that some things she did to me would be considered insane, if a guy did that to his girl.For background: I met my ex-gf when I was 18. She was 16 and seemed like the sweetest girl in the world. She was exactly my type, sweet, caring and came from a shitty family background, which I absolutely do not. Not only did I fell madly in love with her, I also wanted to help her overcome all the losses and insecurities she had dealt with. Her father was a women hating alcoholic pos that died when she was 13 and most likely killed himself. He had told her literally since the day she was born that she was trash, because she was a girl. When the nurse said he had become father to a wonderful daughter he replied with "well the dumb ones loose their cock". So that´s the kind of guy that had indoctrinated her to think she was worthless and would end up like her mother. Her mum was kind, but also one of the dumbest and most ignorant people I have ever met. During the 8 years of our relationship I have met so many new "step dads" for my ex, that I´m pretty sure I must have forgotten some.For the first two years our relationship was seemingly fine. I showed her that she could become anything she wanted, helped her with school, with bullies, her idiotic mother, her ignorant brother and so much stuff, my life basically consisted of nothing more than making sure she was alright. She had depression, an eating disorder and on top of that she had a habit of taking care of any animal she could get her hands on. When we first met, she had three cats, two bunnies and a horse. When we split it was still three cats, a dog, the horse and a pony. Financing almost everything about them alone and taking care of them 24/7 while doing school or working. This has made up a huge part of our live and tbh - I miss this so much it breaks my heart.I admired her for caring for all of them and over the years I got so involved I took care of the animals like they were my own. I have spent nights and days at our barn making sure the horses were fine and raised our dog for 7 years with her. Loosing the dog was the worst part for me honestly.Anyways during the first two years she kinda looked up to me I guess. I helped her through school, getting a job and eventually to become a nurse. I accompanied her to exams, even pretty much wrote a major paper for her (I know) and what not.I cant really tell at what point the dynamic shifted but I guess it was somewhere around our third year together. She always had a temper and when she got mad, it was like all she could see was red and the things she sometimes said to me were so humiliating and mean that today I would walk out the second the first thing came out of anyones mouth.It got worse and worse and to give you a bigger picture I will list some things out of the last two years:- She twisted anything I said all the time. Sometimes she raged all of a sudden over a thing I had allegedly said the day before. She made up entire conversations that had never happened and when I called out this bs she came up with things like "so youre calling me a liar" and the fight continued from there on- she constantly accused me of cheating even though I was carrying her on my hands like a princess, caring for her and her pets 24/7 and if I got mad, she got even more mad, insisting that I had no right to get mad over the accusation, because that would be a sign they were true. I had caught her texting at least two guys she lied to me about in a semi explicit way, but of course when I caught her it was my fault.- She called me names, yelled at me, told me to fuck off and when I left she said if I would leave we´d be done.It was like that at least once every two weeks, probably more often.Im sorry if this is a little confusing to follow. It is hard to grasp being humiliated and manipulated over a course of years and put it into sentences.Still, here is something that really stuck with me.I was going on walks with her horses and her at least four times a week. It was hard work, and she constantly told me how bad I was at handling the horses and what not, even though pressuring me and punishing me if I did not come along, because she had more work to do then. When we went on walks we would bring large garbage bags and gloves to pick up the horse sht. We were walking through neighborhoods and streets and didnt want to leave it jus there. That one day she told me to get the bags so we could go. I went into your shed, grabbed them from the usual chair they were on and put them into my pocket. These are regualy folded trash bags from a role like you probably use every other day. So at some point the horse does its duty and I hand my ex-gf the bag, she unfolds it and sees it has a giant hole at the bottom which was not visible before. It was a fabrication mistake which you could only see once you really wanted to use it. She then screamed at me on a street in full daylight with people around how dumb I was to not see this before, if I could do anything right and tbh, it was the ususal talk for me. I told her there was no way of knowing for me and that I had just taken them from the usual place. She then told me that she had already known that apparently the whole role had been like this but she did not throw them away. So she knew I would grab these and it would play out like this or just didnt think about it herself. She literally screamed at me and still insisted I was too stupid to do basic tasks and here comes the part that was really bad for me.Apparently she had also forgotten to bring the gloves we use to pick the shit up and since it was my fault the bag was broken I would have to pick the shit up with my bare hands. I really dont find horse shit gross compared to dog or whatever shit but it still is what it is and it was a lot. There was screaming at me not to be a little bitch and pick up the shit and find a way the bag will hold it. The worst thing for me about this that I was actually on my knees, over the pile and I was so close to pick it up, it makes me sick thinking about it. Eventually I told her Im not doing it, she just walked away silently and told me once we´re back at the barn I could leave.Now you wonder, why I didnt leave. Its simple. I loved her more than anything. She had a habit to apologize so sincerely a day after her usual tantrums, I just believed her. She would come a day later and tell me that she would just get consumed by rage and couldnt help but talking like while at the same time not meaning anything of it sincerely. Shed tell me shed love me, be nothing without me, love the way I treat her and her animals and that I should believe her that nothing of what she says in rage mode is what she actually feels. I always believed that. For 8 damn years I believed this shit.The last year was one of the best and still the worst. We moved in together after she had finished becoming a nurse and me almost finishing law school. We had fixed her relationship with her mother, her brother, got her her dream job and I dont want to be an asshole but I had guided her through all of it. Her family was a full on nightmare when it came to communication and I had always felt like the only sane person at the table being with them. The reason this is important is, I always excused her irrational behaviour with the trouble and stress that was always constant in her life. Her horse had also been sick for years and for the first time we could sleep without fearing it would be dead on the grass the next morning.So the foundation was good. At least thats what I thought. I remember two weeks before the relationship ended, she asked me whether I was still planning to marry her. I looked at her as honestly as I could and said yes and I meant it with all my heart. You shouldve seen the look on her face. She was the happiest girl in the world and I was sure this would be a turning point.Then she had a christmas party from work. I drove her there so she could drink. Told her to enjoy herself, she had deserved it after all the stress and I would pick her up till 3 in the morning because Id have to feed the horses at 7 and needed at least a bit of sleep.She did not react to my messages once and came home at around 5:30. Told me she had danced a lot with a coworker that had hit on her prior and I was pissed, but trusted her and did not want to ruin her one night out right after it ended. That was on a friday. The next morning, saturday, everything was fine. I had taken out the horses and we went on a 3 hour walk with them in the afternoon and I had to study after that for the rest of the day. She was sweet to me but kinda hung on her phone a lot and always made sure to take it with her everytime she left the room, which was kind of suspicious to me but I thought Id just be paranoid.So far everything still was fine. On sunday it all changed. She got up in the morning and was pissed right away. We had plans for the day and she canceled them because of light rain which usually never bothered us. She acted pissed until early afternoon and suddenly told me shed go see the horses. I wanted to join her but she wanted to go alone and walk there. That was a thirty minute walk in rain and by the time shed have walked back once she was done there it wouldve been dark outside and people got robbed a lot where we had to walk. I let her go and once it was time to feed the horses I got in my car to suprise her, so she wouldnt have to walk home in the dark. When I arrived all hell broke loose. Suddenly she told me that ever sinced I moved in with her she had no real home anymore. That I was just a dog to her, not a real man and that I was taking the air she breathed from her. She said shed go to bed early cause thats the only time she could spent without me. Just to note this here, she had yelled at me numerous times because I couldnt go to bed with her because I had to study.The idiot I was I still offered her to ride her home and then go to my brothers place so she could get some peace and we had a chance to talk at night or in the morning. Well she did not have any of that and told me to fuck off. I drove to my brother, she walked home and we only talked the next morning when she broke up with me and kicked me out.Two days later she called me to tell me something. Of course we couldnt meet at a neutral place, I had to come to her and we talked were our (her) horses stood with my australian shepherd I had raised for 7 years and never saw again after that day. She told me she had fucked her coworker. I dont know what happened at the christmas party but I guess they did not fuck there, but made out or something. Then the day after she kicked me out she went over while his gf was at work so they could screw. Not 24hours later after she had broken up with me, who had taken care of her for so long. She did not tell me this to rub it into my face. She wanted to come clean I guess. But the worst thing about this was what she told me after that confession. She said she knows how bad she treated me over all these years, the things she said to me, the manipulation and all of that and that she had come to the realization, everything she ever told me while she was raging and then took back was what she truly thought of me. That I was no man for her, just a dog following her orders. She had no reason at all to tell me this, I dont know why she did it, but even tough this was 1,5years ago I still think about this every day.I left and wanted to hug my dog one last time. That little thing was so shaken, she wouldnt leave my ex-gfs side, leaving my last interaction with her, her backing away from me and completely refusing to let me touch her. Thinking of this makes me die a little inside. The next day I went over to our flat to get my stuff. I had to go through the laundry basket to get the last of my unwashed clothes out of there and right on top was the thong completely covered in jizz she wore when he fucked her. The nicest present she could have made me to get the hell out of there. Did I mention that the day after she fucked him she actually called me, panicking and asking me whether Id remember the last times she had taken her pill. I had no idea of the other guy at that point and assured her the last time we had sex was a while ago so it woulnt matter.Guess she panicked after he nutted raw in her.The funny thing about this is that this and her cheating was one of the things that kept me from suicide. It was a really close call in all honesty, but even though I was in such a bad shape that I lost 60 pounds in 8 weeks because I could not eat or sleep the last bit of pride kept me alive. I did not want to go out because of some bitch that rather fucked some other cheater than keeping the one that loved her more than himself.Hats off if you made it this far. I will end this on a positive note. Im taken again. Shes wonderful. I have grown as a person so much, I think Im nowhere near the same guy and never will be again. The day my ex saw me updating my relationship status on facebook, she stalked my gf and since you could see the bar shes a waitress at, she was there the very next day checking her out. Accompanied by her coworker of course, who is still with his gf that he cheated on.My ex messaged me lately because covid, wishing me and my family the best after I had not heard from her in about a year. I replied with "thanks, you too." I want to be a good person. Im glad I made it out of this abusive (?) relationship. Will put a tldr at the top and fix typos later.God I miss my dog. via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

[no-ns-en-si-ca-l]

Some Moments Leading up to This One • Christina Catherine Martinez

RATS

At some point the rats got out of control. Our parents purchased the rats from a guy who bred them in buckets of wood shavings in his garage. We surveyed the containers like they were windows full of puppies. The little pink and white things wriggling around in them were to be our pets. That they were bred to be food for larger pets belonging to families moving in more robust circles of economic activity did not occur us children. 

COPS

My father was mildly obsessed with cops, tried several times to become one—making circles on practice tests for the written exam, making circles on the dirt track of the Sherriff’s training academy behind our house—but there was always some clerical snafu or abstruse psychological red flag (one question they ask is whether or not you turn around to look at your waste before flushing the toilet. Apparently there is a wrong answer to this). On rainy days my brothers and I slurped ramen noodles and watched the police documentary series COPS on Fox 11. Matthew lived next door and was a couple years younger than me. His parents told him he was too young to watch the show, but he pleaded them into the odd compromise of watching the title sequence only, which succored him enough to stalk the neighborhood with a nerf gun singing the theme song, bad boys, bad boys, over and over under his breath. 

We were home schooled and Matthew was not. Every morning, around the time my mom began clearing up the breakfast dishes and herding us together to begin the day's work, I would see Matthew's little face inch past the living room window in his grandmother's big white Cadillac. I can’t remember if she lived with them or not, but she was always around, functioning as part chauffeur, part babysitter, and all around emotional punching bag for this supremely unhappy family (the entire second story of their house was added on as a private bedroom suite for mom). Every afternoon my brothers and I returned to the window just in time to see the white car pull up to their tight, golf-ready lawn and watch Matthew's backpack sail through the passenger-side window, followed shortly by Matthew himself. He yelled and spat and kicked papers and shit all over the lawn, without fail, every school day. It was such a treat. I credit this daily theater with planting the seed of skepticism in my attitude toward institutions, and I suppose by extension, to anyone in uniform.

Still, as committed members a religious suburban community, of some of my parents' closest friends were officers of the law. Not the slack-jawed, double-chinned avatars of male torpor, but sweet, boar-bristle ‘stached men with bright eyes and prematurely creased foreheads. The kind earned from continually raising brows at things children say. Especially children who don't go to regular school. Dad stopped trying to become a cop after noticing their off-duty penchant for K-Swiss sneakers and Hawaiian shirts. 

Eventually, between the hours of 12 and 6 am, between backseat blow jobs and furtive jam sessions, I would run into these men. A tense skein of trust evolved as they circled the perimeter of my adolescence; tapping the glass, raising their eyebrows, and waiving me home. I lived in cars, but I was no good at it. I wondered what separated me from the subjects on COPS, who also just wanted to hang out but invariably, somehow, ended up face down on the sidewalk. I asked Gonzo what his rules of thumb were for letting girls off with a warning. He was immune to crying and pleas of period emergencies, but once, upon pulling over a swerving vehicle and finding a woman covered in exploded burrito, he did let her go. Gonzo is a close family friend, and I was convinced that he was the greatest cop that ever lived. 

Years later I asked him why, at tender age of thirty five-ish, he left the po-po biz to become a teacher. He said he didn't like kind of person it was turning him into. 

PUBLIC SCHOOL

For a radical experiment in parenting, try this: take a feral child (who loves Jesus), strap it to a translucent purple backpack, and place it in a structured learning environment. Years later— 

APPLES

A lot of our games were about dying. The best, by far, was the night we tried to enact as many stock movie death scenes as possible without laughing. We were just hanging out. Someone was on the floor, and then Nadal starting noodling something sad on the piano, and then it kind of took off from there. We played a swan song for a gritty, browbeaten cop with a heart of gold (a peculiar trope, and, as I learned years later after experiencing the privilege of transatlantic flight, a particularly American one). We slipped through the hands of an action hero clinging helplessly to his buddy dangling off the edge of a cliff. Grenades crashed all around as Paul and I played out a lost cause on the battlefield. I cradled Paul's head in my arms, taking his shirt in a vice grip and screaming, “Don't you die on me soldier!" and then, for context, finessing a line about how he can't die, because he never taught me his secret gumbo recipe. Paul gasped for air, phantom blood filling his throat and mouth. It dribbled down his chin, sputtered off his lips and onto my shirt. Everyone clapped their hands over their mouths to keep from laughing. Just before his eyes rolled back in his head and his neck went limp, Paul pulled me close and whispered in a Cajun accent, "Don't forget the nutmeg,

mon ami....

" I brushed my fingertips over his eyes to close them. At this final touch, we could hold it no longer. Everyone burst laughing, crying, chugging beers, and yelling

ok, now me! me and you!

As the only girl, more than once I resorted to my privileged trope of peaceful cancer girlfriend. I'd stroke whoever's face very softly and whisper sweet platitudes about Finding New Love and how I Will Always Be With You. The beloveds raspberried in my face with laughter, and then we'd all drink some more. I died at least five times. We drank, the piano lolled on, we laughed until the laughter turned to honking chest rattles because we hadn't quit smoking yet. The roleplay kept going. In high school we'd made exclamations of love to one or more of one another. We filched wine and read e.e. cummings by candlelight, smoked weed and listened to records, made out in the McDonald’s PlayPlace, and screamed at one another in cars, breaking up and getting back together many times over. We heeded the tap on the glass and went home. We threatened to kill ourselves and harbored baroque fantasies about our funerals. Dying for fun at the crash house purged our maudlin adolescence and all its attendant delusions, suddenly petty in light of things like getting dressed for work and swinging a grocery basket in the crook of an arm and filling out apartment rental applications at Starbucks. An ironic bow at the threshold of adulthood, when all the quotidian necessities of independent living were briefly, intensely glamorous. We got oil changes and shopped for work clothes. We stopped buying Nat Sherman Fantasia's and got promoted to shift lead. We had people over for dinner and complained about our bosses. Then some of us got actual cancer, and some of us actually tried to kill ourselves, and once or twice we went blind, stabbing the roof of our mouth with the toothbrush, our girlfriends trying to pull rank on despair. 

We scatter. But we find each other. Years later, Landon and I are sitting in the Seinfeld restaurant in Harlem. I’m on my first work trip with the gallery. Landon entered Columbia University as a film major, and is about to leave with a degree in computer science. Upon learning the average post-graduation salaries for his respective choices, the change was swift. I show him my little stack of business cards with the word director printed under my name. He pays for the meal with an elegant slip of his own card. The last time we dined, it was at a Cheesecake Factory in Orange County. He wore sunglasses to mask the bandages over his eyes, and I wept into some kind of alcoholic milkshake called a Flying Gorilla. 

We pick at anonymous fried brown things and exchange tabs on where we all went. The food here is decent, except for the marinara sauce, which I suspect is with dishwater to make it last. We talked about all of the times we died and I ask, between bites of naked mozzarella stick, why he left the old crash house. 

“I just thought we could be grown-ups,” he said. 

I remembered the giant Patrick Nagel poster that crowned the faux-wood paneled living room, a crouching woman in pink thigh high boots, larger than life. 

“Mmmmm," I said. 

“And we just”—last time I visited the house she had grown a dick, a mustache, and a fist-sized hole near her shoulder—“like, we couldn’t do it,” he said. “We couldn’t have nice things or make a home.” 

“You should have taken out the wallpaper." 

“It was his mom’s." 

“I know," I said, "but that’s a lot of apples." 

MONEY

Money is an excellent balm, very near to forgiveness. I met John Wayne at a comedy show, and he quoted Austin Powers in bed, but the following week he was out of town on business, and it felt good to say “he’s out of town on business” in response to someone’s face screwing up about the yeah baby stuff. It generally worked, and I have no reason to believe John Wayne wasn’t his real name. 

MONEY

“Does the taco place take cards?”

“They charge seventy cents to use a card.”

“Alright then let’s swing by the Chase ATM on the way.”

“Are you for real?”

“Yes. What? Yes I’m for real.”

“You’re just going to spend the seventy cents you’ll save from using cash for the tacos on the extra gas it will take to swing by the ATM for the cash.”

“It’s on the way.”

“It’s so freaking hot right now.”

“It’s literally right on the way.”

“I can’t believe you can make these kinds of calculations after we’ve been sitting under a waterfall all day.”

“I’m stopping at the Chase ATM.”

“If you’re going to trap me in this hot car any longer in order to save seventy cents, then I’ve earned seventy cents worth of bitching for however long this ATM detour is delaying tacos.”

“I can’t believe you can make these kinds of calculations after we’ve been sitting under a waterfall all day.”

“We haven’t even moved in the last five minutes.”

“Fine. It’s worth seventy cents to not have to sit in this traffic or hear you bitch.”

“Do you think if we had universal basic income, Post-Internet art would still exist?”

….

“What?”

“I don’t know.” 

RATS

Oddly enough they fuck like rabbits. We brought home a brother and sister from the bucket guy, thinking they might respect their second chance at life by refraining from incest. Instead they multiplied, and we had to buy more cages to house all the pink little nubbies that kept popping out of the mama rat. Seizing upon this educational moment, our mother encouraged us to learn more about rats, and we observed the little nubbies at length, patiently waiting for them to grow into more comely beings. One day I noticed one of the nubbies lying still while the others inched around the cage with their little salamander limbs. I put him in my palm, and he was cold. I took him to my father, who was preparing his next sermon in the dining room. I had yet to attend public school, but I’d seen enough television to aesthetically forecast the kind of educational moment he might seize upon. 

“Dad,” I cooed, “this one died.” 

“Oh honey,” he said, taking the miniature creature in his hands, “He’s not dead… he’s just thirsty!” 

And with that, he dropped the dead baby rat into his glass of lemonade. 

I froze for a few seconds, then clapped my hands over my mouth to keep from laughing. 

That’s when I became a comedian.

#(truth)

[bloojayoolie]

Click, Dogs, and Energy: ID 36887, @ 6 Yrs. Young, 52 lbs. Dreaming of Love in Manhattan AMAZING ANGIE Shyly sweet, a tail that constantly wags in friendship to new friends. A gentle, easy, middle aged lady. Lovely on leash, seems housetrained adores companionship. A volunteer favorite, "Princess!" TO BE KILLED – 8/11/2018 When Shakespeare wrote "A Midsummer Night's Dream" he could not have thought up a more gorgeous forest fairy. Or maybe he was thinking of Angie! This incredible brindle girl is the color of burnished woods, autumn leaves, and is just as warm of heart. She is shyly sweet, easy, gentle, calm and affectionate. She wants only to be by your side, to cuddle in at your feet, to get pets and hugs and attention. She seems housetrained too! So read what a favorite volunteer has to say about this lovely lady, and then consider fostering or adopting her and sweeping her away to your forest bower! 😊 A volunteer writes: “I love Angie's frosted little triangular face, her shiny copper eyes, her deep brown button chocolate ears and her magnificent tiger brindle coat. A forest fairy! One wonders who were the many ancestors who made her such a beauty. She is a petite gal, always waiting at her door, her eyes riveted to every passerby. She is easily leashed and strolls quite nicely around the block, not forgetting to do her business. Loose in the yard, Angie stays about her caretaker. She does not mind a pack of visitors joining us in our pen. Her tail wags a lot, she accepts caresses from each and everyone of them, she even lays by our feet for more bonding. She can sit for treats and will come when called. Angie takes time to warm up but when she does, she is all yours and will stay put for hours and hours, just content, silently to be in company. Angie is more of a "people" pooch who should likely be the only princess in the home to give you love. Come and meet Angie at the Manhattan Care Center. She dreams to be yours!” If you can foster or adopt this incredibly sweet girl, please PRIVATE MESSAGE our page or email us at [email protected] for assistance. ANGIE, ID # 36887 @ 6 Yrs. Old, 52 lbs. Manhattan ACC, Large Mixed Breed, Brown Brindle / White, Unaltered Female I came into the shelter as a agency on 03-Aug-2018. Behavior Assessment Date of intake:: 8/3/2018 Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Stray Date of assessment:: 8/5/2018 Look:: 1. Dog's eyes are averted, with tail wagging and ears back. Allows head to be held loosely in Assessor's cupped hands. Sensitivity:: 1. Dog stands still and accepts the touch, eyes are averted, and tail is in neutral position with a relaxed body posture. Dog's mouth is likely closed for at least a portion of the assessment item. Tag:: 1. Dog follows at the end of the leash, body soft. Paw squeeze 1:: 1. Dog gently pulls back his/her paw. Paw squeeze 2:: 1. Dog gently pulls back his/her paw. Flank squeeze 1:: Item not conducted Flank squeeze 2:: Item not conducted Toy:: 1. Minimal interest in toy, dog may smell or lick, then turns away. Summary:: Angie approached the assessor with a soft body. She was social throughout the assessment, allowed all handling, and displayed no concerning behaviors. Summary:: Based concerning behavior observed toward other dogs, (growling in passing, jumping on and growling during muzzled introduction) - Angie may succeed best as the only resident dog. Summary (1):: 8/3: When introduced to a male greeter dog, Angie growls through the gate. An off-leash interaction is not attempted at this time. Summary (2):: 8/6: Angie is muzzled before conducting an off leash introduction. Upon approach from the helper dog, Angie jumps on his back and begins to growl. ENERGY LEVEL:: We have no history on Angie so we cannot be certain of his behavior in a home environment. At the care center, she displays a medium level of activity. IN SHELTER OBSERVATIONS:: While Angie presents to be a challenge in the care center with her dog reactivity, she remains highly social when interacting with her human caretakers. Angie is playful, exuberant and actively seeks/solicits attention; she has displayed no handling concerns. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: AVERAGE (suitable for an adopter with an average amount of dog experience) Behavior Asilomar: H - Healthy Recommendations:: Single-pet home,Recommend no dog parks Recommendations comments:: Single pet/no dog parks: Based concerning behavior observed toward other dogs, (growling in passing, jumping on and growling during muzzled introduction) - Angie may succeed best as the only resident dog. My medical notes are... Weight: 52 lbs Vet Notes 9/08/2018 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: Estimated 4-8 years based on dentition and overall appearance Microchip noted on Intake? Scanned negative History : Stray, no health hx available Subjective: Alert, walks well on leash Observed Behavior - Wags tail, allows all handling Evidence of Cruelty seen - None Evidence of Trauma seen - None Objective BAR-H, MMs pink and moist, BCS 6/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: Moderate tartar PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Soft, non painful, no masses palpated, not distended U/G: Female, slightly pendulous mammary chains, mature vulva, no discharge or masses MSI: Crepitus palpable in right stifle. Ambulatory x 4. Skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat. CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: Normal externally Assessment: 1. Osteoarthritis 2. Dental disease Prognosis: Good Plan: 1. Recommend regular dental cleanings and daily tooth brushing 2. Monitor for pain or lameness in right stifle, consider pain management as needed SURGERY: Okay for surgery 1088 10/08/2018 Hx: Scheduled for surgery today S: Energetic, runs around on leash O: Sniffling, reverse sneezing, snorting A: Early CIRDC P: Move to isolation, cancel surgery today -Doxycycline 225 mg PO SID x14 days -Cerenia 45 mg PO SID x4 days * TO FOSTER OR ADOPT * If you would like to adopt a dog on our “To Be Killed” list, and you CAN get to the shelter in person to complete the adoption process *within 48 hours of reserve*, you can reserve the dog online until noon on the day they are scheduled to die. We have provided the Brooklyn, Staten Island and Manhattan information below. Adoption hours at these facilities is Noon – 8:00 p.m. (6:30 on weekends) HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! *PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! ** STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction Animal Care Centers of NYC (ACC) nycacc.org HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU *CANNOT* GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications.

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