#how many cycles does it take before you find the strength to say no?

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

Based on the vampire au, Emil and Matthias get close. This is based on a friend's idea

Rated: T | Warnings: none

There is a portrait of you in one of the gallery rooms, a large frame with smaller pictures around you. You look different, same face but your demeanor is different along with the emotionless expression; Joseph says you were not the same person as you were back then. Naib Subedar got a close taste of it when he was “hired” to fight you by both Joseph and yourself (unknowingly at the time). Norton can also recall a glimpse of the Vampire Hunter's skills but the memory is foggy due to him not being in control of himself at the time.

Matthias only has heard stories, seen you spar with Joseph or Naib Subedar, and stare at the portrait of the Hunter who fought the Vampire Lord Bloody Sword… And won.

Joseph is surprisingly humble to admit defeat, probably because of Aesop who gave an unbiased recount of the battle.

Emil also stares at the portrait but only when you are not around in the manor. You currently are with Count's Banquet, a request you did not turn down.

There is enough history between the two of you for Joseph to appear jealous of the man he once was in a relationship with before Aesop. All the others know is that the Count knew you from when you were a novice under a man named ‘Misfit’, the man who taught you everything and one you cared for deeply.

Emil is sitting under your portrait when Matthias finds him, the other vampire talking to you. The others know of Emil's separation issues, it used to cause a lot of problems given your attention and time could not be solely devoted to him. Nowadays, he still gets sad and will not sleep for days, but he also accepts he cannot latch onto you… Not the way he did with Ada.

Ada fed into Emil’s need for dependency, embraced the role of nurturer and lover, but ultimately continued the cycle of dominance over her spawn Emil. This a fact you told him when he had to hear those harsh words of reality, the nature of vampires is complex and a constant power struggle. This is built within them, it takes strength to break the cycle. Emil has only a hundred years, less time away from Ada compared to time with her… He was married to her, loved her, grateful to her, then you一 His eyes hurt from crying all night while in the gallery alone, in the darkness with only the moonlight from the opened curtain as lighting. His hand rises to block the light coming from the hall when the door is opened by… Matthias? 

Matthias sees Emil sitting on the floor looking exhausted and hugging his knees; you told Emil he can trust Matthias. You told him he is safe here no matter what everyone looks out for one another. When Matthias sits beside him, Emil’s body stiffens as he is unsure what to do or say. No words are said at first, but a few shared glances before Matthias asks Emil if he has not slept yet. The other man looks over before nodding slowly but then shakes his head slowly, his eyes are swollen, and bloody tears stain his cheeks.

A vampire that does not slumber will feed more than a properly rested vampire. Emil's appetite has increased since he has not slept and he is returning to isolating himself.

When Emil speaks it often catches Matthias off guard how deep Emil's voice is, along with his height as he is an inch or two taller than Matthias. They both are attempting to converse, many moments of silence as they never truly spoke to one another and it is honestly due in part to Matthias's jealousy towards Emil.

You give Emil special attention, the attention he needs and craves, and he has immediate access to you via your bedroom. Matthias is not fond of the fact he has to share.

Matthias moves closer and then bends partly down to hold his hand toward Emil, he offers to rest with Emil in your room.

There they are lying side by side, back to back, Emil fast asleep from exhaustion. Matthias is awake as he never truly sleeps well between nightmares and whispers of the Embrace, plus he is lying in your bed with this man. The jealousy is there, the bitter feelings of Emil who has your attention… Your bodily warmth, your smile, damn sleeping in this bed with you!

Matthias grips the blanket covering him with an angry expression, and then that expression softens to disappointment. Self-deprecating thoughts as of course he cannot do something for himself.

A sigh, his eyes closed but open not even a second later he feels the bed shift multiple times, a whimper, and sharp intake of breaths. Emil is trembling, his hands ripping into the pillows, and blood tears start running down his face.

A nightmare, Matthias understands that— A number of them here understand this. Naib Subedar advised Matthias to not be too hard on Emil, he understood the jealousy though Naib Subedar has Norton.

Matthias turns around shifting closer, hand moving then stopping but ultimately he reaches out.

Emil jolts awake with heavy breathing as he feels the weight of an arm around his chest and back, head turning to see Matthias is close to him. He stares as the other man's eyes are closed.

Nothing is said but Emil turns around to be held properly by Matthias, both finding surprising comfort in one another. The nightmare does not return, the Embrace's voice is silent; a night of peace and comfort.

+

For the few weeks you are gone, this becomes the only way Emil can sleep. Matthias’ feelings shift as he is still envious yet it is not as strong as before. Some nights they talk, and sometimes Emil only listens to Matthias talk about what he is reading before bed, recently Emil has asked for him to pet while he places his head on Matthias’ chest.

Neither have beating hearts yet Emil likes to be this close to Matthias, to be able to hold and comfort each other.

“Can we,” Emil looks at the scars on Matthias' chest, “Sleep in your room next time?”

Matthias is quiet then the question is asked again, “Yes if you want.”

“Thank you.” A yawn after those words and Emil is asleep in no time.

“Seems you two are getting along.” Naib Subedar points out as Emil is following Matthias who is currently carrying around a briefcase holding the accursed puppet.

Matthias glances away.

“I'm glad you aren't alone.” The Mercenary taps the Puppeteer’s shoulder before walking past him to meet up with Frederick and Luca in the piano room, both are having a debate on music. They are loud though they are not shouting at each other, just being passionate as usual.

Emil moves next to Matthias and smiles.

Matthias stares then returns a small smile, “We should get going.” 

#idv #identity v #matthias czernin #emil mesmer #idv puppeteer #idv patient #identity v patient #identity v puppeteer #identity v emil #idv matthias #identity v x reader #idv x reader #identity v x you #idv x you

[spookylightwhispers]

stores here should stop selling sweaters because the temptation to buy is so strong, so strong, they look so comfy and cute and comfy, comfy and then you give in to the temptation and you buy it and then you delude yourself into thinking you can wear it and then you actually wear it and you spend the entire day internally crying because now you're just a soggy bag of sweat and you know what this isn't comfy anymore and you just want to teleport home and change into a plain, thin t-shirt because these comfy, comfy, cute little sweaters are not meant for this tropical, humid city jungle and then you go through the whole cycle once more

#how many cycles does it take before you find the strength to say no? #and when someone points out what you're wearing you go like oh it's actually not that hot #😭🖐🏼 #stop being an enabler! 😡

[agustdiv1ne]

𖤐⋆°·.3:13 a.m. (m) — choi beomgyu

genre: smսt (mdni! ageless blogs dni!!), vampire boyfriend!beomgyu, fem!human!reader, mc gets her period, oral (f receiving), bloodplay (ig), i would say i'm sorry but i'm not <3

wc: 3.2k

beomgyu awakes to the smell of blood flooding his nostrils.

bleary eyes snap open as he shakes himself from his suspended state of consciousness, only for him to squint at the glaring crimson numbers of the alarm clock sitting upon the nightstand. it's terribly early. early enough that the stars still glitter against the sable background of the sky outside, early enough that this particular bedroom of his manor remains bathed in darkness. the dimness of the room, however, proves to be no issue for beomgyu's enhanced sight; he watches as your chest rises and falls in steady succession, your sleeping form blissfully unaware of his current predicament. 

oh god, it's you. the blood is yours. the sweet, saliva-inducing perfume of the crimson ichor overwhelms your typically clean, subtle scent; and yet according to his keen senses, the aroma is richer this time, somehow. more potent — he has not smelt anything as addicting in decades. it makes it all the easier for him to want to give into the primal urge to absolutely devour you, to feed and feed and fucking feed from your pretty little neck until he’s sated and you’re halfway brainless. with a jerky shake of his head, he pushes those instincts swirling in his chest into a dark corner of his mind. he’d never feed from you without your permission. he’s not like that; no, he’s not like his former coven that would hunt defenseless humans like you for sport, taking turns drinking from the victim’s body until their veins ran dry. no, he is far from being like them. he loves you, and he’d never do anything that could hurt you.

another wave of sweet iron wafts into his nose, and he exhales sharply, sitting up against the headboard. shit, he really should leave. he should run far away until he can no longer smell you, but he remains frozen in place. sitting there, he takes in how you begin to curl in on yourself, your brows furrowing as if you're in pain. the sight snaps him out of his bloodlust-induced daze, blinking hard when you groan and turn away from him on the bed, your arms wrapped around your midsection — cramps. you’re cramping.

blood, cramping…oh, beomgyu realizes, your period must have started.

the two of you are typically more careful than this, tracking your cycle and ensuring that he is far, far away when it inevitably does hit you. perhaps you’ve both become too complacent in your safety measures after being together so long. it’s easy to forget that he could pose a threat to you when he’s never given you a reason to fear him. he is considered a monster by many, yes, but not by you — and that’s all that really matters to him. besides, beomgyu likes to think he could control himself no matter what, especially when it comes to you and your safety; but when he looks down to his hands, he finds that the fabric of the comforter has been torn open due to his unrelenting grip. his eyes squeeze shut. he needs to leave. he needs to leave right now. you’re too tempting, too testing for his natural instincts. run. run far away before he loses control.

rolling over, your head lands on his lap, arms curling around his left leg as you nuzzle your nose into the smooth skin of his thigh. it’s stronger now, that overwhelming scent. he feels like there’s a frog stuck in his throat, ice in his veins — he needs to get out of here. right fucking now. gently, he tries to peel your body from his, but your arms have become vines, curled tightly around his leg, the side of his knee pressed into the valley between your breasts. they curl tighter as he tries to slip his hands beneath them, but he refuses to use the full extent of his strength on you. 

“baby,” he murmurs, nudging your shoulder only to receive no response. he grits his teeth together, he gulps, he tries again. “baby, wake up. you need to let go.”

you let out a sleepy mumble of his name, hooded eyes just beginning to focus as you look up at him. slowly, you take in the stiffness in his posture, his fleeting gaze illuminated by the moonlight. frowning, you set your chin on his thigh, eyes fluttering to a close once again. “what’s going on?”

“i need to leave, darling,” he grits out — he wants to bite you. he can’t bite you. he can’t. he fucking won’t. 

any fatigue remaining in your body drains from your system the moment he utters those words, worry flooding your veins in its wake. you sit up, arms curling around yourself as you lean closer to him, barely registering the pain in your abdomen. his eyes squeeze shut, dark brows furrowing as he shifts away. “why? did something happen? are you in danger—”

how are you so selfless? why, of all things, is the first thing that comes to your mind is his safety? you’re the one that may be in danger here, and he is the reason why you might be. 

you’re on his lap now, hands sliding over the planes of his face and down to cup his jaw. “gyu, c’mon. why do you need to leave?”

his eyes glint red before returning back to normal, razor-sharp fangs elongating before retracting again. his hands remain by his side while he shakes his head, gripping the sheets so cruelly that the threads are on the verge of tearing. now that your legs are parted, he can barely think straight. he needs to taste you, he has to—

“your period just started.”

his voice has lowered to a snarl, resounding from deep within his chest and straight into the pit that has opened up in your stomach. restraint pulls his words taut, hungry, feral — he needs something. he needs blood. you know he’s been depriving himself lately, though you’re unsure why, but now…now feels like the universe is playing a cruel joke on you with this divine timing. at the sound of another feral groan passing from his lips, you freeze. the fingers brushing over his jaw tense up, pressing into his skin ever so slightly, your voice whisper-quiet. breathy, shock coating each word, “oh. oh shit, um. i’m so sorry, i didn’t. i thought i had another week until—”

your attempt at climbing off of his lap proves to worsen the situation. in the blink of an eye, he’s grabbed ahold of your hips, halting your movements. crimson tinges the edges of his irises, fangs poking out from his upper lip as he pants. “don’t move. please don’t move. i don’t want—fuck, i don’t want to hurt you, baby, please.” 

you sit there for a moment, taking in his pained grimace. he’s fighting himself, he’s fighting every single primal instinct within him telling him to pounce, yet his terribly gentle fingers pressing into your hips indicates that he is still in full control. it’s okay, you think. you’d be okay if he fed.

fingers sliding down to his shoulders, you squeeze. “gyu, you need blood. i know you’re hungry, and it’s okay. i don’t mind.” 

in response, he shakes his head. “no, i can’t. i might hurt you, i can’t.”

your lips purse. what could you do? you’re stuck here, in the precarious position, with no clear way out. figure something out, come on. deep breath. in, out. in, out.

suddenly, an idea unearths itself within the walls of your mind, blooms like the moonflowers that so easily captures your attention when you go on walks with your lover. he doesn’t have to feed in the typical way. he could…oh, he could…

“you don’t have to feed from me, baby,” you coo, watching as his eyes flutter open and meet yours. vermillion now, not one speck of brown in sight. with a gentle, encouraging smile, a hand comes up to swipe through his hair. he shivers at the contact, but you can tell he’s still there. he’s still your gyu, hungry or not. in silence, you take the hand that still holds your left hip and guide it down to the apex of your thighs, allowing his fingers to brush over your panty-clad core. “just…taste me from here.”

he inhales sharply at the contact, at your words, wrenching his arm away. his other hand leaves you completely, palms dragging over his face as he attempts to compose himself. every fiber of his being is screaming at him to take the offer, just take the offer and eat you out — you want it, he really wants it… 

“i can’t,” he chokes out from behind his hands. with a sigh, you shift your face closer to his, grabbing his wrists to remove his hands. he lets you, he always lets you. his eyes remain closed this time, but you work with it; you know he can hear your heartbeat and the rustling of your shirt, smell your sweetness, feel the warmth radiating off of your face as you press a peck to his cheek.

“i trust you,” you whisper against the corner of his lips. he whispers out a weak refusal, and you shift against him, just a tiny motion of your hips that causes him to hiss. lower lip wobbling, his hands find your hips once more, eyes silently pleading with you to quit moving before he loses it. as you cup his cheeks, you tilt your head. “i know, baby. i know you don’t want to hurt me — and you won’t, i know you won’t. but don’t you want a taste? it smells good, doesn’t it? there’s nothing stopping you from taking what you need.”

his resolve crumbles before your very eyes as you continue to encourage him. he doesn’t even need to bite you, it’ll be okay, you’ll be safe. it’ll feel good for you too, rid you of your cramps in the process — doesn’t he want to help you feel better? you’ll both feel better if he does this. 

that’s enough for his composure to splinter, cracks forming and spreading like the roots of a tree until it shatters. there’s little holding him back as he flips you onto your back, him towering over you with wide eyes and a parted mouth. pausing, he stares down at you, voice barely louder than a whisper. “tell me to stop.” 

“i don’t want you to,” you murmur back. “take what you need.”

that’s all he needs to hear.

his fangs glint under the moonlight as he swoops in to capture your lips, aggressive, tongue slinking its way past your lips to curl with your own. the kiss itself doesn’t last long, not when one of his fangs slices into your lip, pulling a squeal from you. easily, he tongue locates the wound, laves over it as blood bubbles up to the surface of the flesh. he moans against your mouth at the taste. the sting subsides as the wound closes, and he pulls away. 

“need more,” beomgyu rasps. he’s wide-eyed, on the verge of absolute ruin, but you love seeing him like this. you crave to see him lose control. you are not the glass doll he’s made you out to be. you can take it, you can take him, and he needs to realize that sooner or later — preferably now. 

so you open your legs that have wrapped themselves around his hips, watch as his eyes roll back into his head, and say, “then have more.”

your panties are torn away from your center with ease, and while he can’t technically die, beomgyu thinks that this might just be the nail in his metaphorical coffin. with the barrier of clothes now eliminated, your scent is no longer obstructed, and you smell absolutely fucking divine. his head spins, nose filled with base notes of iron and sugar and a richness that he’s never experienced before. oh. oh fuck, he’s done for. 

sliding down your body until he’s settled between your legs, he holds you open and takes in how blood drips from your fluttering hole. you’re aroused, that much he can tell, and it excites that untamed side of him that he constantly tries to tuck away. it’s out in full force right now, and he doesn’t have it in him to hide it anymore, not when you smell like this, not when your blood is right there for the taking, especially not when you’re inviting him to taste with that sweet little voice of yours, breathy and needy and wanton, pleading for him to touch you. 

and fuck, he can’t take it anymore.

he doesn’t buy time with teasing your thighs like he usually does whenever he eats you out — no, he goes in straight for the kill, tongue licking a strip up your pussy, his groans reverberating against your clit as your saccharine blood hits his taste buds. he doesn’t pull away to comment, but you know just by the way his tongue slips into your hole that he likes what he finds. sometimes, you forget that your lover is no longer human — until these moments in which you are brutally reminded, his tongue extending far into your walls as he gives in to his most desires. you cry out as the muscle curls up against the spongy spot inside you, thighs closing around his head, but not for long; fingers curl under your thighs, spreading you open for him as he removes his tongue from your entrance, beginning to lick your folds, your inner thighs, cleaning up the blood that has found its way there. his tongue does not slowly savor your skin. rather, he laps at you like a starved man, pulling you closer and closer to his face. if he were human, you’d be worried if he could breathe. 

this must be heaven, he thinks, as he returns back to your folds, tongue swirling around your entrance, his nose bumping against your weeping pearl while his tongue explores your walls as deep as his fingers could go. the sensation is far different from fingers, however — hotter, wetter, you can feel his desperation with every lick and drag, the roughness stimulating every single nerve ending it touches. his hands hold your hips up, holding you as close as possible as he shoves his tongue deeper, the tip of his nose now grinding against your clit. 

“g-gyu! fuck, oh my god, gyuuu!” you repeat over and over again, feeling your high approach. the knot in your stomach pulls tighter, and you reach down to rub your clit with sloppy circles. beomgyu growls at this. he knows you’re close, he knows so well, and he wants to get you there. he needs you to experience the nirvana he has reached right now — he needs you right here with him. 

his tongue leaves your hole again, but the aching emptiness is quickly remedied with three fingers filling you to the brim. back arching, you plead for mercy, for him to let you cum, for anything. please, god, you’ll take anything. he finds your bud, suckling it between his lips, moans muffled against your core and the knot pulls tighter and tighter and the fire rushing through your veins grows white hot—

the knot snaps.

“fu-uckkk!” you scream, voice cracking as your vision spots white, pleasure rushing through every crevice of your body, thighs quaking and back arching and hands finding hair and yanking. your body feels like it’s floating, the waves of pure bliss unending as he continues his ministrations, removing his fingers so he can revel in the taste of your sweet, sweet blood that gushes from your hole. unable to come down, you remain in the throes of pleasure even as he flips the both of you over, your thighs now cushioning his head as you sit atop his face.

you gasp at the position, his eyes now glowing a bright scarlet in the darkness as he looks up at you. you’ve never seen such a shade on him, and arousal sparks in your stomach once again. “gyu, what—”

“more, need more,” he grunts out, now tracing your folds with his tongue. your gyu is still there, just…hungrier, frantic for more. 

if he could taste this for the rest of his life, he would never tire.

“gyu, i don’t— ohhh, shit!” your voice pitches up as he begins to lap at your core, little in his mind other than taking and taking until he’s sated and full. your clit aches with overstimulation, your walls quivering with each pass of his eager tongue as he holds you against him. soon enough, your torso collapses into the mattress, sheets curled between your fingers while you whimper, sweat beading across your heated skin. you can’t. you can’t cum again, and you tell him this again and again, yet he doesn’t heed your cries, building you up and making you cum on his tongue again and again until you can’t even think. your words are incoherent, garbled and tearful against the sheets, begging for him to let up.

“baby, baby i can’t,” you sob as you reach what you think is your fifth orgasm. “gyu!”

finally — fucking finally — he lets up, helps you ride out your high before slipping out from between your thighs. helping you onto your back, he holds your face between his palms, a small trace of blood from his fingers staining your cheek. your blood covers the majority of his lower face, smeared across his chin and lips and even a little on the tip of his nose. if you had enough energy to, you would laugh at the sight. 

“gonna go clean up real quick, okay? i’ll be right back,” he murmurs, squeezing your cheeks when you nod. he’s back within mere seconds, irises now back their normal umber and fangs retracted, no longer more animal than human, no traces of your blood on his face anymore.

“you okay?” he asks softly, smiling when you offer a lethargic nod. he climbs over you, sliding his lips over yours, wet, languid kisses exchanged as he slides his hands up and down your sides. “y’did so well for me, darling. thank you for trusting me.”

“told you it would be worth it,” you shoot back, tiredly giggling when his eyes narrow. 

“yeah, yeah, whatever,” he replies, eyes softening around the edges as he drinks you in, every curve and edge — perfect. you are perfect to him. hands slides up to your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “you wanna take a bath, love?”

leaning up, you give him a small peck. “that sounds wonderful.”

as beomgyu gathers you in his arm, commenting how he should just burn these sheets since they’re basically ruined, you find yourself thinking that there’s no one else that you would rather spend the rest of your life with — the rest of eternity with, if he’ll allow it. for now, however, you’ll let him tend to you in the bath, pressing butterfly kisses to your neck from behind as you bask in each other’s presence, the sky outside fading from a deep black into a muted azure. 

for now, this is enough.

masterlist

© to agustdiv1ne. do not copy, repost, steal, and/or translate.

#txt smut #beomgyu smut #txt x reader #beomgyu x reader #txt imagines #beomgyu imagines #txt x you #txt x y/n #txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #beomgyu hard hours #beomgyu hard thoughts #agust.nsfw #💌 — gyu

[ghcstao3]

ahh, you guys got me, i’ll write more statue!ghoap (i was already planning to who are we kidding)

part 1

-

John is quick to learn that Simon is selective with his speaking.

He never asks questions, only makes observations. He listens to John’s rambling as he’s toured around the museum, only responds when necessary and never dares to greet other wandering exhibits.

John doesn’t mind. He’s long since learned how to fill silence.

Simon also seems to understand their limitations easily, finding his original pose with ease as the night comes to an end when John instructs him to, freezing in wait of dawn. John can’t help the fond smile that grows on his face watching him settle, lingering just before he’ll have to return to his own place.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” John says.

Simon never responds.

John watches Simon as he had the day prior, once he’s set himself right. He has to fight the smile that doesn’t seem to want to leave him just as the sun’s rays begin to illuminate the room.

Change, he may like, but it can’t always be afforded.

Simon is again constantly swarmed by observers and cameras, the centre of attention as new artwork often becomes for a week or so before the storm calms. John is comforted knowing that even in spite of this popularity, he’s the only one who gets to see what’s hidden behind the skull.

And how he can’t wait to see it again. How he can’t wait to see it every night following.

The museum’s opening and closing go by too slowly and mercifully quick all at once, and soon enough John is moving over to Simon yet again, excited to tell him all the things he’d thought of over the course of the day to share.

This time, Simon does relax with everyone else, but he doesn’t move from his pedestal until John reaches out his hand to help him down. The skull is left in his place as they go to wander.

It’s hours into the evening, when John has lost track of his rambling that Simon finally speaks for the first time that night.

“I don’t like how many people there are,” he remarks.

John has to pause a moment, bronze joints creaking at his sudden halt. He looks up at Simon and the distant expression that shadows his face, and finds himself rubbing a comforting hand along Simon’s bicep before realizing what he’s doing. Even still, Simon does not pull away.

“It’ll slow down in time,” John promises—he speaks entirely from experience, though he hadn’t ever thought much of the attention. “Just happens whenever there’s a newcomer, is all.”

A frown tugs at Simon’s face. “But I’m not new.”

John hums. “No,” he agrees. “But to them, you are. In a few days, everything will be quieter. It’s just the cycle for all of us.”

John already knows Simon’s tells for when he’s thinking. He wonders if it’s a cause of Simon’s expression being obscured by a mask for as long as he’s existed, up until the night before.

“I don’t like being a display,” Simon decides quietly, determinedly.

John knows the feeling. Knows it goes deeper than just wanting to be hidden away from thousands of pairs of eyes on the daily. Knows it stems from a want to be real.

“Me neither,” John says softly. Simon looks troubled—it takes strength to keep from trying to smooth the artificial crease in his forehead, a gesture he’s seen many times from museum goers, among many others. “But it’s either this, or be stuck in a crate, or under rubble and earth somewhere. Alone. It’s hard to avoid when it’s the purpose we were created with.”

It’s all something John had to grapple with himself, once upon a time. But he’s had decades, now, to get used to it.

He’s sure Simon will as well, in time. John can only help him to adjust.

“C’mon, let’s go visit the other exhibits from your time,” John proposes, gently taking Simon’s hand. “Maybe you’ll know a few of them.”

Simon doesn’t have much to say for the rest of the night as he follows along—but it’s alright. John revels in his company anyway.

He’ll come around, eventually. John is certain of it.

#scheduled #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghost x soap #ghostsoap #ghoap #writing #statue!ghoap #more to come maybe

[andreal831]

I will preface this by saying my ask if pretty long because I need to explain a bit so I’m sorry for the long ask…

so I was on the subreddit for the originals (my first mistake) and I saw someone post a question on there regarding klaus’ abuse backstory and whether that aspect of his backstory made him a more likable character and if it didn’t then at which point does klaus become an unlikable character if his backstory was different i.e Mikael wasn’t abusive towards him and was a better father just in general because they think that’s what “makes klaus a likable character/ explains and almost excuses some of his behavior towards his family” and just others in general and if they were to take some of that out of his backstory at which point would klaus be an unlikable character? and that just rubbed me the wrong way because I don’t think klaus abuse excuses his actions towards his siblings at all but people on Reddit and just fans in general have rose-tinted glasses when it comes to klaus so I feel like people would agree that klaus was a likable character because of his abuse and that it excuses and sometimes justifies his abuse towards his siblings so my question is do you think klaus abuse makes him a more likable character/ explain or justify his actions towards his siblings and others and I just want to know your opinion on this whole thing because you don’t seem to have such an obscured view of these characters and can hold them accountable for their actions and a lot of people can’t do that so yeah once again sorry for the long ask but I just wanted to explain a bit before just asking.

TW: Discussions of abuse

I've said it before and I'll say it again, no abuse someone suffers allows them to become an abuser themselves.

That being said, if you have a character who you need to redeem quickly, the best back story to give them is child abuse. That sounds terrible, but it is an incredible affective back story. Children are inherently innocent. Especially in Klaus' case. They go out of their way to show Klaus being a sweet child. The only time we ever see any of the Mikaelson children is when it was used to show just how sweet of a child he was. The show purposefully did this to blame the abuse for his behavior. It is explicitly said by numerous characters throughout the show. Klaus every other episode is finding something new to blame his behavior on. This way Klaus never had to take accountability for anything which would have required the writers actually developing the character. And because the writers are so uncreative, they do the same thing for each "unredeemable" villain -- Damon, Kai, even Katherine.

But again, no matter what abuse a person suffered, they do not get to use it as a way to justify abusing others. There's not a statistic that I'm willing to cite since I haven't been able to verify the numbers, but a majority of abusers were once abused themselves. Yet only about 30 to 40% of abused children become abusers. Many children who had abusive backgrounds get the help they need and stop the cycle of abuse. So to say that Klaus' abuse justifies his abuse towards his siblings is disturbing.

Even how Mikael speaks, it is clear to me that he raised his children no differently than he was raised. We have to remember they grew up in a very different society than we did. This does not excuse child abuse, but it can put it in context. This idea that Mikael had no reason for his abuse is also a misnomer. Yes, he says it in a scene, but this is after an entire season of them emphasizing that Mikael was attempting to strengthen Klaus and this is why the abuse was targeted on Klaus. We have that entire scene where Klaus is blaming Esther for giving her the necklace and weakening him, making him the focus of Mikael's ire. Parallel this to Mikael training Davina, talking about power and strength. Again, this does not in any way justify the abuse. But it does show the cycle of abuse that Mikael was subjected to and then put on his own children. Mikael is never given any sympathy because of his childhood because it is not explicitly said. But that is something I think most Klaus stans would say doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if Mikael was abused, it does not justify him abusing Klaus. By that logic, Klaus being abused does not justify him abusing everyone.

I also think this fandom loves to focus on certain character's abuse and forget other's. The worst villains who suffered child abuse are excused for everything (i.e. Klaus, Damon, Kai) but then the characters who aren't as bad or suffered abuse in a different manner, or even just later in life, are given no sympathy.

The fandom loves to pretend that children who grow up in abusive household are not affected by the abuse. Or if it is not explicitly shown, then they were never abused. I find it hard to believe that Mikael only ever abused Klaus. If that was his method to make them strong, I would imagine he abused all of his sons. Rebekah even talks about them all being afraid of Mikael. I don't put it past him to physically abuse both Rebekah and Esther as well. But even if this is just my take on it, we know they were all emotionally abused. And yes, this is a form of abuse that can be just as harmful as physical. As someone who works with domestic violence survivors in real life, I hate how this fandom treats abuse. You cannot compare abuse, one is not inherently worse than another. They are all extremely damaging.

Because Rebekah's abuse happened later in life and Klaus always came up with justifications for it, the fandom loves to say "it's not abuse" or "he was doing it to protect her." This is why they dropped the storyline that Mikael was doing it to strengthen Klaus, because if that was the justification, Klaus may have actually had to take responsibility for what he did to his siblings. He may have had to faced the realization that he became his father.

We also see this in TVD. Stefan was clearly terrified of their father as well, but only Damon is given sympathy because in one scene in their entire lives, we see Damon get punishment over Stefan. If we talk about later abuse, people love to talk about Damon's time with the Augustine torture but skip over the fact that Stefan drowned for an entire summer. The fandom picks and chooses what abuse justifies what behavior. Stefan also had his autonym stripped away, which is abuse, and was forced to become the thing he hates for an entire summer and this is used as a plot device to justify his girlfriend and brother developing feelings for each other. No sympathy is given to him, but Damon is given sympathy for every bad thing that ever happened to him.

Also the fact that Tyler clearly grew up with an abusive father but is given no slack ever because he isn't the perfect victim. His behavior in season one, screams abused child. But Tyler actually has character development, unlike other characters.

All of this to say, Klaus' childhood abuse does not excuse what he did to his siblings. Klaus abused them all for a thousand years. There is no question about this. I will not debate this. He emotionally and physically abused them. Just like there is no justification for what happened to him, there is no justification for what he did to his siblings. But I don't think childhood abuse necessarily made him redeemable. I really blame his pretty privilege, his accent, and his humor. The fandom looks for anything to excuse his behavior because they want to love him. Even as he is abusing people, he makes a joke and that somehow makes it okay. But the backstory allows the fandom to feel okay about liking him. Whereas with characters the fandom doesn't like, the abuse is just disregarded, or worse, minimized.

Thank you for asking! I do truly try to have a "non-biased" view of the show but, of course, I am only human. I have my own biases, however, as I said, I do work with domestic violence survivors and have personal connection to the topic, so I definitely focus on it when I see it in media. I hope this answered the question!

#klaus mikaelson #tvdu #the originals #the vampire diaries #tvd #the mikaelsons #anon ask #fandom asks #tvd anon ask #ask game #tvd ask #fandom answers #tvdu metas #metas #stefan salvatore #damon salvatore #tyler lockwood

[belovedyandere]

i’d pay you to write yandere jjba characters. (specifically, dio (brando), jotaro, jonathan or casear.) with a more, crybaby-type reader? prone to crying at small things and yk. ur writings so good and honestly miss the jjba

cw. confinement, dacryphilia, dubcon, fingering, sadism, sexual themes, spanking, yandere themes

Dio Brando

within the beginning of this, let’s say situationship, your response to everything by crying irritated him. that short period of time, he felt very vexed by your sensitivity, to everything. Dio Brando desires power. authority, control, dominance and strength. to watch someone become vulnerable so easily, without putting an effort to fight confused him. and he despised being confused. it makes him feel out of control. and this leads to his frustration. but soon enough, those big eyes pulled him in. he was a harsh, evil man. he will take whatever he wants, no one can deny him. so why. why does he feel that incessant need to shield you from everything. to have you only cry from his hands, and his body? maybe it’s tied to his childhood, he sees your innocence, and feels as though it’s within his right to do as he pleases with you. so when he decides to keep you locked away, only leaving the home that you’re settled in to be moved into another with him by your side, there’s little persuasion or argument to be made against it. he’s very domineering and extremely proud, a disagreement made by you won’t be taken seriously. and may result to some light spanking and teasing.

his hand print will be engraved on your bottom cheeks, red and hot. it’ll be deeply bruised in the next few hours. his other hand occupied by pulling the leash that’s connected to your custom collar, his ‘present’ to you. he’ll have a mirror facing your face, just so he can have a view of the tears streaming down your face. you were already releasing tears when he approached you. how could he have ever been frustrated by your crying? when he’s this hard from you laying on him as he smacks your ass to the brink of numbness? his hand come to a halt, you were about to turn and see why he had stopped only to let out a yelp. his fingers had begun to linger near your hole, softly swiping up and down from it, only pushing in a finger before retracting and sliding again. this cycle continuing cruelly. but this is what you get for attempting an argument. for disagreeing with him. he’s protecting you, the Dio Brando. you should be on your knees thanking him, or better yet, on the bed with your legs splayed out while begging for his cock, preferably a good amount of tears in your eyes.

Caesar Zeppeli

Caesar is similar to Dio, in the sense that he sees that it is his responsibility to aid you. it’s more similar to moral obligation compared to Dio, but that morality becomes deranged and delusional later on. he tends to be prideful, speaking of honour and how it is dishonourable to allow such a beauty as yourself cry. but he comes to realise that you cry over everything. this leads to him being urged on to do better, to make everything better for you. he grows protective and quite observant over your surroundings. he spends no time with others, only maintaining shallow conversations before he leaves to find you. it’s become attachment to this point. you’re just too graceful, even with your red runny nose and puffy eyes, and he hates how he becomes unravelled by your tears. he does worry though, and he’s quick on his feet, which he has arrogantly stated many times. but beneath that pride, he truly does love you, or he sees this obsession as love. he will not stand for any treatment by anyone towards you. not his friends, his mentor, anyone. you rely on him, and he can’t let go of that. he can’t let go of you. that is his excuse when he’s wiping your tears away, his large arms covering your body, in the corner of his room as he coos you.

softly rocking you in his laps, it’s a strange sight to see. a large, handsome, muscular man, softly kissing your cheeks, licking away your tears, savouring the taste before wanting more. although he hates to see you cry, he also can’t help the arousal he feels. without his usual restraint, he pinches your arm, to the average person it’s light but to you it sends a new river of tears that he happily laps away with small guilt that was hanging on a thin strand. you sit on his laps, your back to his chest with his cheek against yours. without thought, his fingers slid from your stomach, never stopping from licking your tears, even as your weakly deny him, he doesn’t stop. his fingers already hovering your heated spot, expertly sliding through your garments, roughly and passionately playing with it as he pleased. though it soon turned fast pace, as if out of desperation, and perhaps it was. desperate to have you near him, on him, with him. he doesn’t want you to leave him, and he can never leave you.

#yandere #yandere smut #jjba yandere #yandere jjba #jjba smut #jjba dio #yandere dio brando #jjba caesar #yandere caesar #caesar zeppeli #yandere caesar zeppeli

[jheseltheunswerving]

Rayla: How Selflessness Becomes Selfish

I had every intention of writing this before season 4 came out. Unfortunately, school and life got in the way, and I just didn’t have the time. However, I am writing this without having seen season 4, so please keep all spoilers out of the comments and reblogs.

Rayla is one of many people’s favorite characters. She’s cool, she’s beautiful, and she has a Scottish accent. But I wanted to get deeper into her character. 

Morals and Responsibility 

Throughout the show, Rayla is shown to be a protector, a fact that contradicts her training as an assassin. Even still, her being a protector is greatly influenced by her Moonshadow Elf ideals. 

The Moonshadow elves and their ideals are introduced early on in the show where we see a group of them making essentially a bloodpact to avenge the death of the dragon king and his son. The planned assassinations of Harrow and Ezran are not only believed to be deserved but also believed to be vital to achieving justice. As Runaan eloquently puts it, “Life is precious. We take it, but we do not take it lightly.”

This is a moral that Rayla displays. She will only take a life if she feels it is necessary or deserved. Hence why she spares Marcos’ life in the very start of the show. It isn’t until she meets Callum, and he points out the revenge cycle, that these morals begin to be… altered. 

As soon as the egg of the dragon prince is discovered, Rayla commits herself to defending Callum and Ezran. She smiles at Ez and offers to go back into the tower with Callum to stop her people from killing his and Ez’s father. 

Rayla assumes the actions of her peers are her responsibility. When she first tells Callum and Ezran about her parents, she says she’s so ashamed, and feels her journey to return the egg to the dragon queen as one of redemption. In other words, Rayla feels she needs to redeem herself because of her parents' alleged betrayal. 

She assumes this kind of second-hand responsibility from the other assassins as well. Throughout season 1 and well into season 2, Rayla is incapable of telling the boys what happened to their father. Even when Rayla asserts, “I didn’t kill anyone!” Corvus’ words illustrate exactly what she believes:

“Your leader did! What’s the difference?”

The difference is Rayla tried to stop him. She tried to get Runaan to call off the mission, and he wouldn’t listen. Now King Harrow is dead, and Rayla cannot bring herself to tell her new friends. 

And this actually becomes a problem later. More specifically, Rayla’s morals become a problem. Although she can’t find the strength to tell Callum and Ezran the truth, she still needs them to trust her. She offers to carry the egg, but when she realizes giving it to her would be a gesture of trust, she can’t let herself take it. She refuses to accept the boys’ trust until she’s told the truth. Even Callum tells her, “You don’t need to do this right now, Rayla.”

“Yes, I do,” she asserts. 

No, you don’t. Wait until you’re in a safer place.

But she can’t. She has to do what “the right thing” in her mind is before she can, and it nearly costs them everything. 

This comes back to haunt her at the end of the first season. The guilt of dropping the egg is weighing on Rayla and she will not let herself believe it was anyone’s fault but her own, even though Callum was also arguing with her. 

“I let you both down. I let the world down.”

Rayla has a lot of internalized guilt that she does not let herself let go. It might have been taught by her Moonshadow elf culture or it may have been something she learned on her own, but either way, it has shaped how she thinks of herself and how she handles situations. 

Emotional Vulnerability 

Like all characters, Rayla has moments of weakness. How she handles those moments is what differs her from other characters. The first true glimpse of this we get is after Callum told his aunt that Rayla is a bloodthirsty monster. Rayla says to Callum, “I can’t believe you’re such a jerk.” Her hood’s on, her back is turned, slouching away from the boys with her arms wrapped around her knees. 

This kind of standoffish behavior is displayed in her again the very next episode where Rayla admits to being afraid of water. “I guess I was afraid of being afraid.” This is another example of how the Moonshadow elf ideology can be harmful. Rayla comes from a culture where weakness and vulnerability are things for which to be ashamed. A culture that ghosts their own people if there is even the slightest notion of that person having betrayed them — without any chance of explanation. Although she doesn’t know it, that is exactly what happened to her parents.

When she opens up about this, Callum tries to comfort her by putting a hand on her shoulder, but she pulls away. Rayla does not like to be touched when she feels vulnerable. This is a very interesting detail about her, especially as her and Callum’s relationship develops. 

One of Rayla's main conflicts in season 1 and 2 is hesitation and struggling to do the right thing. She knows what she’s supposed to be and what she’s supposed to do, but it hasn’t felt right to her. And that causes her to doubt herself. 

This becomes a problem during their trek up the Cursed Caldera. Rayla doubts her ability to carry out Callum’s plan. Even when she is successful in carrying it out, she’s already in a state of panic, so when thousands of tiny slugs start crawling up her body, she’s understandably shaken. In a moment of weakness and desperation, Rayla calls out for help. Callum uses Aspiro to blow away the tiny slug monsters, and she gives him a subtle angry look.

Rayla becomes defensive when she’s vulnerable. Her body language becomes closed off and she doesn’t speak as much. This is shown again after Rayla sees the illusion of the mummy turning to dust. She tells everyone, “There was no one there.” This may have been more to protect the kids than herself, as she admits to Callum in confidence what she saw. Interestingly, Callum doesn’t put a hand on her shoulder here, or try to reach out to her at all. He simply asks, “Are you okay?” and lets her open up. And she does. A little. 

That’s the thing about Rayla. She doesn’t like being caught off her guard. If she’s going to open up, it’s gonna be on her terms. And this includes being touched. 

Right before the Wonderstorm when Rayla is blaming herself for the egg’s fading, Ezran reaches out to her. “You tried, Rayla. You’re so good. And brave.” Here Rayla accepts Ezran’s hug. Though, there was a bit of warning in his approach, and he was also tearing up. This is another notable detail about her character. Although Rayla does not like being touched when she feels vulnerable, she does reach out to people she cares about when they’re the ones who are upset. She does it here with Ezran, and later after Callum finally finds out about Harrow, Rayla hugs him. Rayla is not devoid of empathy. She is capable of being there for people for support or as a shoulder to lean on. But she lacks foresight in how her own actions could affect her loved ones emotionally. 

Still, Rayla does get better with being vulnerable in increments, particularly when it means helping Callum. At the end of season 2, she clings to him while he’s in his coma. She even goes as far as to nearly admit her feelings, only pulling away at the last second when he wakes up. But that isn’t the last time she’s vulnerable for him. She opens up again to Sol Regem, offering her hand to Callum and admitting she cannot finish their mission without him. However, what both of these scenes have in common is that Rayla is in control. Rayla is opening up on her own terms, no one is pressuring her to do it. It is not that Rayla is incapable of being vulnerable or opening up, it’s that she has to do it by her own choice.

And this is where hers and Callum’s love languages clash. Rayla hates being touched when she’s vulnerable, but it’s Callum’s instinct to reach out to her when she’s upset. The day after visiting the Silvergrove and finding out she’s been ghosted, Callum approaches her about how she must be feeling. But once again, Rayla keeps her back to him and says as little as possible — even denying that the previous day was difficult for her. When Callum pries and approaches her on the ambler, she snaps at him and insists that she’s fine. Finally, when he hears her crying in the oasis he reaches out to her again, only for her to smack him in the face with a pillow and run away.

And even when she tells him to leave her alone, that “she doesn’t want him to see her like this,” he still puts a hand on her shoulder. Of course, she immediately pulls away, once again shadowing that she does not like to be touched when she’s upset. To her, it’s like someone breaking through her armor.

Callum reaches out to her again, and again, she steps away. Neither of them are in the wrong here. Rayla does not like being touched when she’s upset, but it’s Callum’s instinct to comfort her the same way he’s been comforted in the past — with hugs and reassurance that he’s not alone. 

Their love languages conflict because their upbringings do. Callum comes from a family that respects each others’ feelings and encourages free expression with games such as “big feelings time”. Rayla comes from a culture that denies fear and weakness and praises hardened hearts. And all those pent up feelings, at least in Rayla, manifest as anger and defensiveness. She closes herself off, she snaps at Callum. She acts like she is alone — like she has to deal with her feelings, alone.  

By not letting the people who love her help her, she’s not only pushing them away, but she’s hurting them. When all they want to do is be there for her. It’s only when Callum snaps back and tells her to shut up that she allows him to talk. Callum has to talk her out of her hurt feelings before she finally lets him take her hands. 

Of course, Rayla isn’t required to open up if she doesn’t want to. Callum simply isn’t used to that kind of behavior. Because of his family, he’s used to people being open and honest about their feelings. And he does slowly learn not to touch Rayla when she’s upset, but to let her come to him in her own time. 

Where Selflessness Becomes Selfish

Rayla often puts herself in danger to save the lives of others. She runs out of the oasis into the Midnight Desert to save one of the mounts. She saves Nyx from the soulfangs, and she sacrifices herself to save Zym at the end of season 3. 

But wait. Aren’t these all selfless acts? Well, yes they are, but they’re also selfish to the people who care about her. However, these may be excusably selfish. Obviously, saving the mount and Nyx were noble acts, and saving Zym was necessary. But there are times where Rayla is self-sacrificing for no reason. 

Initially, Callum and Rayla planned for the group to leave the Storm Spire with Zym before Viren’s army arrived. Then Rayla said she was going to stay at the Spire to fight a hopeless battle by herself and die. And all she says to Callum after this reveal is “Goodbye”. 

This is a scene that actually makes me angry. Rayla accuses Callum of “not knowing her at all”. Which is an extremely unfair thing for her today just days after he described her to Nyx as “selfless, strong and caring. She does what’s right even if it puts her own life in danger.” Callum loves Rayla, even if at this point he hadn’t said it yet. For her to suggest that he doesn’t know her is honestly a pretty selfish thing for her to do. And then — she runs away again. Just like she always does when her “armor” is breached, as if he touched her. And this is where that behavior is a problem, because she’s avoiding a conversation about a decision that affects Callum just as well as her. 

That isn’t to say Callum was right in how he handled their argument, but understand where he is coming from. The girl he loves is willingly and pointlessly sacrificing herself for a hopeless battle and expecting him to be alright with that. And the last thing she was ever going to say to him was “Goodbye”. Her death would not have even served a purpose. She was going to throw her life away by herself for — as both her and Callum put it — “redemption”. A redemption that she didn’t need to earn, and even if she did, wouldn’t it be better to earn it through helping to protect Zym? 

Rayla values certain ethics more than she values herself, and that turns into selfishness when it hurts people who care about her and she acts like it shouldn’t. 

Again, though, these acts of self sacrifice are sometimes necessary. Rayla becoming the last dragon guard concludes her “honor” arc satisfyingly. She doesn’t do it out of cowardice. She isn’t trying to stay out of the heat of battle. She believes the enemy will make it up to the Spire and that she will have to defend Zym. And she’s right. 

Sacrificing herself to save Zym was not unnecessary or selfish. It was a genuine act of self sacrifice for the greater good, and it is a testament to Rayla’s courage and heart. I do not believe she was thinking of herself or anyone else when she did it. Only of keeping Zym safe. 

Unfortunately, that is not the end of the story. It continues in the canon graphic novel taking place between season 3 and 4. Rayla’s understandably upset about losing Runaan and her parents without fully knowing what happened to them. Callum reached out to her at first, before pulling his hand back. Once again, his instinct is to reach out to her, but he knows Rayla doesn’t work that way. If she’s going to open up about her feelings, it will be by her own volition.

So instead of reaching out to her or trying to convince her that her feelings are misplaced, he apologizes, saying he doesn’t like seeing her upset. And that little bit of space he gives works. She goes to him and leans on his shoulder, hugs him, and even agrees to try going on vacation. 

Unfortunately, the supposed vacation does not work, and only further reminds Rayla of what is bothering her. She runs off from the group, still distressed about not knowing. Not knowing what happened to Viren, Runaan or her parents. The uncertainty is what’s troubling her. 

She removes herself from the group and Callum follows her. Though to his credit, he does almost immediately offer to leave, and she’s the one who tells him to stay.

During their time alone, Rayla does open up a little about losing the people she loves. Then Callum makes the mistake of putting a hand on her arm while saying he knows how she feels. 

I may be biased here, but Callum was once again valid in his argument. When Rayla snaps that he at least knows what happened to the people he’s lost, he says, “Yes, I know what happened to them! One of the people you’re so worried about killed my stepfather!”

His stance in the next panel tells me he’s been holding on to that one for a long time, but he didn’t want to say it because he knows Runaan is important to Rayla. It isn’t until she insinuates that she has it worse that he lets it out. 

I’m not saying either one of them is in the wrong. Both of their feelings are valid. Rayla has every right to want to know what happened to her loved ones. But she shouldn't be taking that out on Callum. And it especially irks me that at the end of the argument, she accuses him of not having “moved on” from the tensions between humans and elves that are still very much a recent thing. A thing that has affected him personally, but he’s still able to look past that tension because he loves her. He loves Rayla, but she has a bad habit of forgetting that.

At the end of the graphic novel, Rayla leaves Callum to search for Viren — even after she promised him they would go together. This is the choice that inspired this analysis. She did it because she loves Callum and she did not want to risk losing him, but as we know from the clips for season 4, she’d be gone for two years. 

This is where selflessness becomes selfish. For the entire book, Rayla’s been upset because of the not knowing. Then she did the same thing to Callum, without any forethought that it would make him feel exactly how she feels about losing her loved ones. 

This is another example of how she forgets Callum loves her. Rayla does not understand her own worth. This results in selfless acts of self-sacrifice, but it also results in selfish acts of self-sacrifice. There comes a point where her actions are not only unnecessary, but harmful to the people who love her. It is a great example of character writing — using her greatest strength as her greatest flaw. But from an in-story perspective, Rayla needs to better put herself in the minds of others and gauge how her actions would affect them. Not thinking helped when it came to saving the dragon prince, but it was ultimately selfish when abandoning Callum.

#the dragon prince #dragon prince #rayla #rayla the dragon prince #rayla and callum #callum #callum the dragon prince #callum dragon prince #rayla dragon prince #analysis #character analysis #moonshadow elves

[tarot-dreams]

A Horoscope For A New Year.

♑️ Continue to tout your achievements, they are impressive; but know that you aren’t fooling anyone. The loneliness that grips your quiet places is as clear as the forced smile on your face. If you are to know true happiness, you must resolve the pain from days gone by. It has to happen now. It’s such a distant past. You know what must be done. You don’t want to compromise, and you don’t have to, but if you don’t, misery will gladly walk hand in hand with you for the rest of your days.

Mantra : Strive.

♒️ You’re so sure you’re right. You refuse to see the perspective of those who have a differing point of view. Your words are like daggers, and you aren’t afraid to cut those who you feel are deserving. Be forewarned: there are many who hear what you say, and see what you do. They are quiet now, but they won’t remain that way forever. When it happens, you’ll say you weren’t picking a fight, and that’s somewhat true. But regardless, strife will come for you, and when it does, you’ll be blindsided. This doesn’t have to be your future. It isn’t always easy to do, but if you can open your mind to your ideological inverse, you will avoid disaster.

Mantra : Forgiveness.

♓️ Where do you fit in? Do you truly accept your tribe? Do they accept you? How long will it be before you’ve come to the conclusion that this well has run dry? Now you’re searching for the next trend. Then you realize that’s your true tribe. The nomads. The locusts. Leave this downward spiraling cycle behind. Look inward. Stop placing blame on others. Your failures and your success stem from the same place. You are able.

Mantra : Sustain.

♈️ A riddle desperate to be solved. Unable to be caught. Always on the run. Your constant thirst for something new is unquenchable. It could be said that you should take a moment for introspection, but that moment will come only when you allow it. Is there a challenge you won’t attempt to conquer? Will you ever back down? Have you discovered your limits? Your eyes are fixed upon the horizon, but it’s a place you’ll never reach. But when you are home, you are royalty.

Mantra : Quality.

♉️ Your success is immeasurable, but how do you see it? Do you value your accomplishments? Are you focused more on others around you, and how you feel undervalued by them? They see the work you do. Perhaps they don’t thank you as much as you’d like them to, so perhaps you need to be your own advocate. You aren’t taken for granted, they just don’t know how to thank you in a way that you will find meaningful. That’s not entirely your fault, you just need to calmly and clearly let others know what it is that you truly need.

Mantra : Merciful.

♊️ There has never been a greater time of change in your life than right now. Changes that can’t be undone. Do not let abandonment enter into your mind. This is your path now. This is who you are. Embrace it wholeheartedly. It will be taxing at times, but it also will be the most rewarding thing you’ve ever done.

Mantra : Hope.

♋️ Will this be the year when true stability enters back into your life? Whose definition of stability are you using? A younger version of yourself once played this game. Your maturity is your greatest strength. It’s all a game, but it’s your choice to play it or not; and you’ve finally realized that you are the one who makes the rules.

Mantra : Enough.

♌️ Your quest for adventure knows no end. A youthful heart is your guiding light. You’re admired by many, who aren’t brave enough to walk your path. Quietly criticized by cowards, but you’d never know because you only show them kindness, and in the end they envy your life. Never stop living your life on your terms.

Mantra : Limitless.

♍️ The twilight hours can be lonely. Hours of uncertainty. Staring into the face of a clock. Watching the minutes pass like hours. Holding tightly to that which you can’t control. You can’t stop the rapid passing of time. Give thanks for that which you have. Realize how far you’ve come. Be thankful for each new day.

Mantra : Acceptance.

♎️ If you can’t be honest with yourself, how will you ever be honest with anyone? Your highs are heavenly, and your lows are within the deepest depths of hell. You preach, but do you listen to your sermons? This is a time for true elevation. If not not now—when? Stop putting off that which you know you must do. Embrace your honest self. Speak only words that are true; and if you aren’t sure of the truth, remain silent. Reflect, breathe, and move forward. Return to your true source and you shall find enlightenment.

Mantra : Mindfulness.

♏️ You stand upon the precipice of the next great chapter of your life. Keep riding your wave, know it will take you to great places. Continue to laugh, it’s infectious. Alway be true to yourself. You are nobility. But now you have to take the reigns on your responsibilities. No one else can do it for you.

Mantra : Believe.

♐️ There is nothing beyond your reach. There is nothing you can’t achieve. But you have to be patient. It doesn’t all come at once. If your focus is constantly on that which you don’t have, you’ll never see all that you do. You continually inspire. Don’t be afraid to sing your songs, everyone is waiting to hear them. Your will can move mountains.

Mantra : Strength.

#horoscopes #2023 horoscope #zodiac

[merlinemrys]

20 QUESTIONS FOR FIC WRITERS

tagged : @queerofthedagger ty mona this was sooooo fun 🫶 tagging : @adhd-merlin | @bellamyblakru | @s0mmerspr0ssen | @groundbreakingdot872 | @lightasthesun | @flight-of-fantasy | @nextstopparis | and anyone else who wants to do this (sorry if you've already been tagged and done it) !!!

1. HOW MANY WORKS DO YOU HAVE ON AO3?

129 . . . i write exclusively short oneshots so take that with a grain of salt.

2. WHAT'S YOUR TOTAL AO3 WORD COUNT?

362,664 which is a feat for ME!

3. WHAT FANDOMS DO YOU WRITE FOR?

semi-regularly:

bbc merlin

marvel (spider-man)

percy jackson

dc (batman and superman)

have written and posted for:

doctor who

house md

grishaverse (the grisha trilogy and six of crows)

alex stern series

the raven cycle / the dreamer trilogy

goncharov (😭)

harry potter

the 100

the magicians

anne with an e

to all the boys i've loved before

4. TOP 5 FICS BY KUDOS?

ACCIDENTAL HEROISM / the batman (2022)

THE JONES-WATSON-PARKERS / mcu spider-man

MYTH CALLS ME LEGEND / bbc merlin

BRING ME HOME / percy jackson

YOU'RE THERE WITH OPEN ARMS / bbc merlin

merlin fandom . . . you will always be famous to ME!

5. DO YOU RESPOND TO COMMENTS?

yes, always (or at least i try).

6. WHAT'S THE FIC YOU WROTE WITH THE ANGSTIEST ENDING?

hmmm . . . WAIT. LAFF. this is so funny because i think it's FINAL GOODBYE, my sole goncharov fic because goncharov dies at the end. fr though, maybe WE CAN MEET AGAIN SOMEWHERE which is a pjo fic where i killed percy off lmao. i have since realized that i apparently don't write a lot of angst . . . an interesting to note about myself for sure!

7. WHAT'S THE FIC YOU WROTE WITH THE HAPPIEST ENDING?

due to the nature of my writing—short oneshots—they all mostly end happily! maybe IN THE NIGHT (mergwenthur with platonic merthur and merwen and romantic arwen) because it was just soft all the way down!

8. DO YOU GET HATE ON FICS?

no, i don't think so.

9. DO YOU WRITE SMUT?

sometimes. the mood just has to strike yk <3

10. DO YOU WRITE CROSSOVERS?

uhh if you mean characters from Fandom A meet and interact with characters from Fandom B then no? i have written fic inspired by other fandoms, but those would be AUs then . . . i'll go with no.

11. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A FIC STOLEN?

not to my knowledge!

12. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A FIC TRANSLATED?

nope. some people have asked though! i was deeply honoured but i like to keep my fics on ao3 instead of any other site and they wanted to post elsewhere.

13. HAVE YOU EVER CO-WRITTEN A FIC BEFORE?

wait. i just remembered, oh my god. SCREAM. does 13 year old me's rp count? because that would retroactively change my answer to the crossover question since i DID do that. it was so godawful and was probably 100k—started out as bbc sherlock fic and then bbc merlin got in there along with doctor who and supernatural and probably every fandom under the sun after that. we never posted that anywhere (thank GOD) but what a time. i don't co-write now. not for any particular reason, but i don't think it's come up.

14. WHAT'S YOUR ALL TIME-FAVOURITE SHIP?

see, this question is so hard because i write and consume so much different media. at the moment, in my current doctor who phase, i'll say tenrose! ask me during a different phase and you will get a different answer hehehe <3

15. WHAT'S A WIP YOU WANT TO FINISH BUT DOUBT YOU WILL?

all of four of them 😭 one reason i write oneshots is because my interests wanes so fast. you'll be hard pressed to find me in the same hyperfixation for longer than a few months, but i always come back eventually. specifically, RENEGADE'S RETURN (dc dick grayson-centric) would be the WIP imo because i posted that with no intention to finish it. all the other ones i had hopes, but this one . . . no </3

16. WHAT ARE YOUR WRITING STRENGTHS?

prose and characterisation. i think i'm getting pretty good at writing in the pov character's voice. like if you take my house md fic and compare it to . . . i don't know my raven cycle fic, i think the voices are distinct enough even with my same writing style:

HOUSE MD: New Orleans sticks to House’s skin. It reminds him of the Philippines. Long days baking under the sun, oppressive heat blanketing his entire body, sweat pooling at the top of his lip. At least when he was in the Philippines, he wore shorts and a tank top to cool down. Currently, there are about three layers on his chest—undershirt, button-up, blazer—and the AC in this place wheezes and puffs out mildly cold air like an overweight asthmatic kid attempting to run a marathon. THE RAVEN CYCLE: Adam Parrish does not have many things. A bare IKEA mattress, various pieces of makeshift furniture made out of cardboard, and a three-dollar rug he found at a sale. It’s not much, but it’s his and he’s proud of it. Sometimes, though, pride doesn’t discount how hot Virginia summers are. His skin is sticky with it, the light cotton of his shirt clinging to him, restlessness twisting under his skin.

i tried to pick two snippets that are generally about the same thing (summer heat!). at least to Me, this seems different enough in tone, but you know. vibes!

17. WHAT ARE YOUR WRITING WEAKNESSES?

my inability to write long form is genuinely not only a weakness but so so so detrimental to me fr. every fic i have written can EASILY be at least 25k EACH. probably more (definitely more) because i write the moments in between or . . . [sigh] let me say this instead. with longfic, there's usually a moment or a scene that you want to get to, the whole fic is culminating to that scene so you write thousands upon thousands of words to get to where the that scene would make sense in context, yes? well. for Me . . . i just write The Scene™

18. THOUGHTS ON WRITING DIALOGUE IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE?

i'd fuck up google translate so fast (and have), so something like "they speak in spanish" or "'hi, how are you?' they ask in spanish" would be preferable to me.

19. FIRST FANDOM YOU WROTE FOR?

definitely pjo percabeth fic at the age of like . . . ten (10). i posted it on ffnet and have since scrubbed from the internet.

20. FAVOURITE FIC YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN?

funnily enough i created a series which is just fav fics that i've written which sounds so egotistical, but whatever. there are 13 works in there, i believe, and most of them are merlin lol. but in recent memory it has to be a tie between JUDAS KISS and THREAD OF GOLD (both arwen fic !!!) because i experimented with my writing sooooo much there, JUDAS KISS being first person and THREAD OF GOLD being second person. i typically write a close third person pov especially for fic. my prose is wired for that, but it was so fun to try to do that for first and second anddddd i got some banger lines out of it so a win's a win!

THREAD OF GOLD: Your father’s presence is larger than life. Larger than love. It looms. It casts shadows long enough to hide every hope and dream you’ve ever had for yourself. JUDAS KISS: All I can think about is Arthur. His rage is fine as a blade, sharpened by the betrayal I have dealt him.

#idk why it’s missing lines on desktop for Me but on mobile it’s normal.. tumblr u stupid stupid site #tag games #not merlin #text #tais toi lys

[angelmichelangelo]

2012 Squish Annon: It's okay, I forgive you. I understand that TMNT does something to many people's brains (including mine) and induces them to spread the angst far and wide <3.

I think that might be what happened to the 2012 writers... except they did not have enought fluff to balance it. Genuinely, I think they went "How far can we push this?" and no one gave them any brakes.

I think about the 2003 Turtles, who started with only them and their father, a tiny united family against the world... but by the end of season 5 they had enough friends and allies to form a small army to go against the Demon Shredder.

I think about the ROTTMNT Turtles, who already had April by the time we see them, who were never really shut off from the world in the same way as other incarnations are, who's family just grew the entire series, who had access to a whole underground city where they could walk the streets without hiding.

And then I think about the 2012 Turtles, the only turtles to actually LOSE SPLINTER, who found April and Casey and sort of Karai but are still very much alone. It breaks my heart. (And then they had to do the Mutant Apocalypse storyline and make it worse... lol).

For me, TMNT has always been about hope in such a big way. It's about looking at all the things wrong with the world and going "No" and then kicking those things in the face. It's about never feeling alone, KNOWING that when you reach your hand out someone will be there to catch you. It's about loving and being loved, no matter how different you are; it's about taking those differences and making them your strength, even if it hurts sometimes.

That's why SAINW and the ROTTMNT movie WORK - they aren't the end of the story, and they never will be, because these brothers love each other more than anything and they wont LET it be the end of the story. The last thing April says to Donny in SAINW before he is pulled away is "Remember, there's always hope, no matter what." Future Leo's message to Casey Jr at the beginning of the ROTTMNT movie resonates throughout the film; "Hope is a Ninja's greatest weapon." I kinda feel like the 2012 writers forgot those messages at some points.

(But yeah the T in TMNT does stand for traumatised. <3)

squish anon… how does it feel to be so big brained rn..

tmnt is SO about hope. it’s about making the best out of the shitty hand you’re dealt and in most iterations, they showcase that really well…

buuuut on the other hand, some iterations really like to just. snatch that away in an instant.

2012 does that a LOT. splinter dies? no it’s fine, he’s saved! splinter dies again? wait it’s cool we can save him again. splinter is killed yet again? no biggie we can– oh wait. no. this time it’s final.

even when the 2012 boys get a “happy ending” it’s still somewhat bittersweet. it’s got this underlying sense of “things are okay but… boy wouldn’t it be good if it got better?”

i think that’s why a lot of people draw a lot of similarities between 2012 and the idw comic series. it’s just a cycle of oh god give these boys a break. you just get the indication that they’re tired and they just want to rest and for the fight to be over. they didn’t ask for this. in other versions, the turtles kind of just… accidentally find themselves wrapped up in shredder/Krang shenanigans but in 2012 they’re SOUGHT after. shredder moves across the world to find them and kill them, over a fight that isn’t even theirs.

2012 writers for sure forgot to pepper in that “hope” message in there when those boys needed it the most huh 😅

#ask #anon

[crymeariveronceagain]

I’m going to put this here under the assumption that you’re okay with receiving vents. If not, I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding and please ignore this ask. I hope you’re doing well either way.

(Very heavy vent below, once again do not read if you’re not comfortable. Put yourself first, please!)

Vent start: I don’t know what to do. That’s the summary of it. I just don’t know. I want to be okay and normal and healthy so much, but I just can’t. So often I hear “you’re not alone!” And “There are so many other people like you out there!” And I believe it but I just can’t seem to find them. Every person I’ve spoken to cannot relate to me, and if they can relate to me at all it’s with one of my most surface-level issues, and it just makes me feel more alone than before. I’ve been suicidal for years and years now. I have ocd, autism, adhd, sensory processing disorder, insomnia, and severe general and social anxiety along with severe depression. (These are professionally diagnosed.) I am 16 years old. I feel like I’ve been alive for centuries. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like a kid, even when I was a small child. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to be joyful because my entire life has been this endless cycle of stress and misery and there’s not a thing I can do about it. I’m not good at anything, I can barely even exist in the moment without dissociating. None of the doctors I’ve spoken to care about me, I am tearing my family apart because of what a bad state I’m in. I just want the people I care about to be happy, but I cannot even achieve that because the biggest obstacle in the way of their happiness is me.

Vent’s over now.

In other news, you are very good at writing and I admire your work, and how you are able to release it so quickly. Please take care of yourself, and I wish you well (whether or not you chose to read the vent.) <3

hoooooooooo boy that's a vent, but love, I'm glad you went somewhere with it. That's a lot. It sounds horrible to deal with. Like, every bit of what you described I would collapse instantly under. Pass out and die immediately. Just, sheer emotional crunch.

You are infinitely stronger than I am. You are far more powerful, more impressive, and amazing than i could ever be.

I'm so sorry no one can relate to you. That is one of the worst feelings. Ever. Human beings want to be recognized, seen, noticed, and understood. I believe it is also the human condition that as much as we want to be understood, no one ever perfectly does. It burns, hurts, stings. Aches.

And you're right, I can't relate to your struggles either. I wish I could. Honestly. Like, I know it's selfish, but I really wish I had more mental problems just so I could relate to people who go through this kind of thing.

As far as the suicidal thoughts go, what my advice there is: I love you. Hang on for me. The world is so much better with you in it. You might not be able to see how, but I see it. Someone's gonna read this post and think, stars, there's someone out there like me. And you, in this moment, are the hope for another person. You are hope, beloved. Keep being hope. Keep going.

Everything else, I'm sure you've heard every advice on the planet, there's not going to be much I can add to it. Like, everything you're going through? It's awful. It's hard. Nothing I say can make it better, because it... it's out of the reach of words.

Words can't make it better.

There are things words can't change. This is one of them.

But, all I can offer is that you are far stronger than I've ever been, or ever will be. You are the hope for every person dealing with what feels overwhelming. You are the strength people need to see in the world.

Because it takes a lot of strength, keeping going. It takes so much work. I know it has to.

Also, honestly, doctors piss me off <3. I hope you find better ones. You deserve better ones. People should care about you. I care about you.

And. For the record.

You are not an obstacle to anyone's happiness. That's a lie your brain is desperately trying to convince you of. But it isn't true.

People's happiness does not depend on you. You are outside of them. They control their own emotions. They are responsible for themselves. They are in charge of their own wellbeing. Joy is a choice. Happiness is an emotion, chemicals in the brain. Joy is a conscious choice. Like, seriously. There are things that people get wrong in this world, and one of them is that every emotion is just feeling. Like, Love is willing the good of the other. That's not a feeling, that's a choice. Joy is a choice to focus on what's good, to strive to just keep going.

So, darling, dearest, beloved anon.

You, my dear, are hope. You are strength. You are power. You may not feel like it. In fact, you probably feel like the opposite, most of the time.

But you give me hope. Because if you can do it, I can too.

If you are brave enough to keep on going.

Stars, the rest of us can only keep going on in awe of you.

#river's advice column #i love you so so so much #thanks for the ask! #thank you for sharing this #its important #you are hope anon #you are the flame of hope in a world of darkness #your world might be darkness but darling you keep going #and that is hope for all of us #stars above #idk ik im waxing poetic about all the shit you have to put up with #but stars #you deserve the best i can give you #all ive got is words anon #tw mental health #mental health #depression #suicidal thoughts mention #tw vent #vent #rant #tw rant #discussions of a lot of things #and hey anon you're now in my prayers #just thought you should know #i can offer nothing but words prayers and love #take all that i have dearest anon

[inkykeiji]

hey clari! i hope this doesn’t sound weird but i just wanted to say i’m so proud of you for responding to so many asks lately! i can see your progress nd i am so proud of u n i really hope i can make the same progress one day as well. for a loooong while now i’ve been repeating the same negative cycle and it’s so hard to just get out of it. every time i feel like i’m making progress something happens and i start all over again….(n it’s really fucking annoying!!!!) but i’m still trying!!! :/

i’m still working out the kinks of finding a good and mellow-paced daily pattern for myself but everything seems like too much lol nd i cant muster up the energy to do the bare minimum most of the time….i was wondering (if you’re ok with it) if you could share your daily pattern or routine.

you totally don’t have to!! i just thought it was worth a shot to ask lol

anyways…i love u n im so very proud of u! keep moving forward!!! u got this <33!!

hello anon!!! (´∀｀)♡ fair warning, this answer is extremely long lmao

it absolutely does not sound weird, omg!!!! it made me feel so happy and warm and giddy inside to hear that, thank you so much for telling me!!!! <33333 genuinely, i cannot tell you how much i appreciate this message <3 i’ve been working really, really hard to get back to the level of productivity i used to be at, as well as just working extremely hard to heal myself and learn how to healthily deal with my mental illness.

it is extremely difficult to break that cycle and i empathize so deeply with you, anon bb :( it requires a lot of self discipline, optimism, and motivation, all of which are especially hard to come by when you’re in the middle of an episode or stuck in a rut or a bout of sadness/icky feelings :( i want you to know that i believe in you!!!! i KNOW you can do this, i have complete faith in you, and i know you WILL succeed.

i’ve been going through exactly what you described—beginning to make progress, and then something happening and forcing me to begin all over again—for almost a YEAR now, so i completely understand how incredibly frustrating that is. it’s difficult not to lose hope during times like that, where it just feels like its some sort of endless, vicious cycle, and we’ll never break free of it. but i have personally broken free of that cycle once before, and now, i am going to do it again. and if i can do it, you can definitely do it, too!

first of all, i want you to know how proud i am of you!!!!!! it takes so much strength and bravery to continue trying in the face of all of this, so already you’re doing incredible. that’s an amazing feat all in itself and i want you to give yourself a pat on the back for it!!! no matter what’s happened, you still haven’t given up, and that says so much about who you are, your resilience, and your determination. it’s such a cheesy saying but it’s so true: the ONLY failure is the failure to try. every time something happens, you can look at it as a learning experience. this week my therapist said this to me, and it really helped, so i want to repeat it to you, too: she told me that every challenge, obstacle, or mistake we encounter is merely another opportunity to learn, to gather more information and to use that information to make ourselves better. it’s a very positive way to look at it, but it’s also TRUE.

she really likes to use the analogy of a scientist testing hypotheses through experiments: every time a scientist’s experiment fails, or proves their hypothesis wrong, they have learned something, they have failed better, and they can take this information to help themselves improve in their next experiment or endeavour. if you can, try to think of your life this way, as well. i can give you a personal example: i often have the tendency to set myself up for failure by expecting WAY too much of myself right off the bat. when i was first trying to get back into being active on my blog every day, i had set a goal of ten asks a day for myself. it seemed reasonable at the time, because before i had been answering 10-30 asks a day, so i figured i could totally start out at this threshold and work my way up.

it turns out, i completely forgot to factor in the fact that i am much more sick than i was when i was answering so many asks a day. it was akin to breaking your leg, resting until it heals, and then immediately trying to run a marathon the moment the cast comes off, instead of building up muscle and stamina gradually. i realized this, and lowered my goal to five asks a day. it turned out that that was also too many at that current moment, so i have set my goal for one ask a day. i have put the bar an inch away from the floor, because at this current moment in my life, this is where it needs to be. it isn’t there every single day, and it definitely won’t be that low forever, but at the moment i need to set goals that are consistently achievable, things i know i can do every day without being overwhelmed or getting so scared i just don’t do it at all.

so that’s my first piece of advice for you. give yourself goals that are easy to achieve, things you know you can do. my goals for every day are: answer one ask a day, work on a piece of writing for my blog for one hour a weekday, work on a piece of personal writing for one hour a weekday, practice cursive writing for 15-30 min a weekday. they are all small and most importantly ACHIEVABLE goals. here’s the secret: more often than not, once i start, i actually end up doing more than that, because i feel like i can, or because i WANT to. but the reason why setting these easy, achievable goals is important is because on the days where you truly, genuinely cannot do more than the bare minimum, you will still feel this sense of accomplishment, because hey! you did it! you did the one thing you set out to do, and that’s so much better than giving up or not doing anything at all, even if it is really small. ANY progress is better than no progress at all. ANY progress, no matter how little, moves you towards your goals.

my second piece of advice for you is to set up rewards for you achieving your goals. this is where your self discipline really comes into play. this is something i used to do in university and it helped me SO much. i would make a deal with myself: read these three articles, or write a few pages of this essay, or do two hours of research, and then i will allow myself to hang out with friends/go shopping/watch a film/play a game/etc.

for me, right now, my reward for myself is playing genshin (LMAO). it is the hyperfixation currently occupying the most of my mind—all i want to do is talk about it/play it/write about it—so i make myself a promise every single day: achieve your daily goals, and you can spend the rest of the free time you have playing the game. if i am able to achieve my goals consistently every day, monday to friday, then on the weekend i treat myself to something small—i either buy myself gems, or this weekend i bought myself a lil plushie hehehe c: but the point is, make the reward something you really want, and hold yourself accountable for achieving it.

i went to a prestigious uni, and they really beat into my mind that i’m completely worthless all the time unless i am constantly doing work. this makes enjoying relaxation time extremely difficult, because i feel disproportionately guilty. i’ve found that setting these goals with rewards helps lessen this A LOT.

so anyway, these are the techniques i’ve been using recently. my therapist also has me check in with myself every single morning; she says its very important to track things like our mood and our energy, as well as other factors (sleep, environment, stress, etc) so we can catch burn-out before it happens and take those extra rest days when they’re required. that isn’t lazy, that’s called taking care of yourself and being kind and compassionate to yourself—and it’s a responsible thing to do. some days i really can’t answer more than one ask, and that’s okay, because at least i’m doing something.

just the other day i had to bring down one of my writing sessions from an hour to 30 minutes, because i was having such a terrible day and an hour just sounded way too daunting. but guess what? i began my session, keeping in mind that i was only going to do it for 30 minutes, and actually ended up writing for an hour and a half! sometimes you will genuinely surprise yourself, and honestly 90% of the time it’s only starting that’s the most difficult. on the days where i’m having a really rough time, i remind myself how important this is to me. i remind myself how much this means to me, how special it is, how much i truly DO want to do it, how good i feel when i achieve something, and that usually helps me push through and get started.

it’s so important for us to be flexible with ourselves and give ourselves what we need when we need it. i think that as long as we’re continuing to try, then we’re succeeding. adjust accordingly!!! for me, i know that being productive makes me feel really, really great, so even on those days where simply getting out of bed and making food is difficult, i still try to at least tick off ONE thing on my goals list. that way, at least i’ve done something, even if it wasn’t everything. it’s still a step in the right direction, you know? there are also days where we really do need to take a full break from everything as well, and that is okay as well. only you know what you need <3

you mentioned having difficulty doing the bare minimum; maybe your bare minimum is still set too high for where you are at this current moment. is there any way you can bring it down even lower? even if you have to bring it down to just one thing a day, that is STILL progress and that is still success, and it will still help you move forward and built momentum. start as slow and as small as YOU need to, anon <3 you are doing what is best for you, and there is absolutely no shame in that. if your current bare minimum is still too much and too overwhelming, bring it down even further. make it the barest you can. because doing the barest you can is still so much better than doing nothing at all and feeling all crummy because of it!

the last thing i wanted to mention is that i try to do something meaningful to me every single day. just one thing, it doesn’t have to be big, but it makes me feel good and it helps keep me rooted in this current moment as well as helps me appreciate everything i have more <3

waaaah okay i know this is SUPER long but i hope this helps at least a little, anon bb <333 i have so much faith in you and i KNOW you can do this!!!! if you have any other questions please do not hesitate to ask <3 i love u so so much and i’m so thankful to have you here with me!!!

#like 1800 words long #waaah i just wanted to make sure i was explaining and coming across as clearly as possible!!! #but anyway sweetpea that's what i'm doing at the moment <3 #i genuinely hope this helps you <33333 #ily sm!!!!!!!! have a wonderful sunday and stay safe + hydrated!!! #inky.bb #clari gets mail

[how2fit]

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2BK9Wpff1g[/embed][embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2BK9Wpff1g[/embed]   We're always told to express gratitude and return kindness to others. If someone else does something nice for us, we say thank you to them. Why don't we do the same for ourselves? After all, you're the one overcoming obstacles in your life, working hard to improve yourself and your relationships with people around you. At first, the idea of thanking yourself may seem unnecessary or even vain. This is normal, as unfortunately, many of us find it difficult to show gratitude to ourselves. Isn't it funny how we don't think twice before minimizing our efforts, judging ourselves harshly, or beating ourselves up but when it comes to appreciating ourselves, we hesitate so much?   You ARE good enough! At the root of it is low self-esteem and the pervasive feeling that you're never good enough. Now, if you continue to downplay your accomplishments, and attribute any success to a fluke, you will keep perpetuating the vicious self-loathing cycle. To break free from this cycle, you have to start giving yourself credit for things you do and celebrate yourself, no matter how awkward it may feel. When you practice self-gratitude, you take the time to recognize and appreciate your positive qualities, achievements, and things you do each day for yourself. Self-gratitude is about valuing yourself for who you are. Appreciating the good in yourself can bring many positive changes in your life!     Motivational Messages for Self-Gratitude Sometimes life doesn't work out the way we want. Unpleasant circumstances can take a toll on us and influence our sense of self. So many of us are living with pain every day. Faking a smile, pretending to be fine, and hoping for better days. You start to feel like a failure since you're not the person you thought you would be. But instead of being critical, you need to give yourself time to develop self-love. You have to challenge your self-defeating thoughts and treat yourself with kindness. You're doing the best you can. It's not easy to manage everything in challenging times. Give yourself some grace. Once you accept yourself as you are now, it will become easier to find your path forward. Start by getting up slowly. Start moving. It may seem like nothing is changing, but you don't know that for sure. Keep moving forward. Life is constantly in motion. You will fall down along the way. But you'll get back up and try again. Your efforts will not go to waste. You will come out of this darkness. Soon you will no longer have to pretend to be happy. You will find genuine happiness and abundance. You'll find yourself again. You have the power to change your life for the better. It is possible. Practice thinking thoughts that make you feel good. Your perseverance WILL pay off.     Being Kind to Yourself: 4 Reasons to Practice Self-Gratitude Now that you feel more inspired, let's have a look at a few reasons why you need to thank yourself more often. 1. You acknowledge your strengths. Expressing gratitude to yourself helps you direct your focus towards things you do well. This in turn enables you to improve what you are doing right. You learn to play to your strengths effectively in different areas of your life. Take note of even the minor things you do well. For example, when you completed an early morning workout instead of sleeping in or the time when you pushed past self-doubt and took on a challenging project at work. Thanking yourself for these seemingly minor acts can make you feel happier and keep you motivated to pursue bigger goals in life.   2. You will always have yourself. It definitely feels great when other people appreciate or compliment us. However, relying on others for appreciation won't help you in the long run. You will always keep looking for validation from others to feel good about yourself. But when you celebrate your own achievements, you stay motivated

to keep making progress and giving your best effort to everything you do, without feeling the need to seek external validation. You always have yourself, no matter what happens. Self-gratitude makes you feel comfortable in your own company. You won't always have people to cheer you on or pat your back. Sometimes, you have to do it yourself.   3. Your perception of yourself influences the way your life turns out. We get so preoccupied with asking for approval and appreciation from others that we forget to pause and give these to ourselves. Until you know your worth, nobody or nothing else on the outside can make you feel good about yourself. You're more likely to focus too much on people pleasing and attending to other people's needs more than your own. Appreciating yourself really changes the way you see things around you. How you feel about yourself is mirrored on the outside. Practicing self-gratitude helps build confidence. You treat yourself with more kindness, which enables you to bring more positive changes into your life. Without a healthy sense of self, you're more likely to: settle for unhealthy relationships throw self-improvement out of the window and just generally have a negative outlook on life Moreover, when you feel grateful for the gifts that make you who you are, you will know what you are truly worth. You will protect your wellbeing, completely trust your decisions and build healthy boundaries. As a result, you won't let anyone disrespect you or take you for granted. So when making a gratitude list, don't forget to list a few things you value about yourself. It will help you feel more kindness and love towards yourself.   4. You counter negative self-talk. Negative self-talk prevents you from taking chances and making big moves toward your goals and dreams. The more you tell yourself you can't do something, the more you believe it. This negative voice in your head gets louder when you screw up. You tell yourself "I suck", "I'm incompetent", "I can never do anything right!". But that is exactly when you need to support yourself and use more gentle language with yourself. Thank yourself when you realize you have made mistakes. This awareness of admitting your mistakes and trying to be better deserves appreciation. A self-gratitude practice helps you become more aware of the great things you do that you overlook or take for granted. You become able to channel your energy towards building yourself up rather than giving in to negative self-talk and harsh criticisms or judgments towards yourself.     Do You Need to Be Kinder to Yourself? Go ahead and acknowledge all the hard work you have done. Make a conscious effort to thank yourself for all that you do! A self-gratitude practice doesn't have to be complicated. Simply try to find a moment each day to focus on at least one thing about yourself you feel grateful for. You have handled many challenging situations with grace. Take a moment to thank yourself for your resiliency and perseverance. You are constantly trying to better yourself, even when you are faced with many obstacles in your way. Thank yourself for not giving up, being patient and optimistic. Be your own cheerleader. Photo by fauxels

[shammah8]

"Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, Who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favour granted us in answer to the prayers of many."

2 Corinthians 1:9-11

THE STRENGTH OF PERSECUTION

The conclusion of the message on the book of Esther from a house church pastor in China:

 

I wish the book of Esther ended before chapter nine, but it does not. The book ends with the Jews taking revenge on all their enemies everywhere. They arranged a kind of amnesty for terrorism. For a day, they were allowed to kill anyone who had oppressed them and not be prosecuted for it. Thousands probably died. It was a kind of rough justice, but what does rough justice solve? It just makes the relatives of those slain burn with hatred, and they train their children to seek more revenge, and the weary cycle of bloodletting is accelerated.

 

I would apply this to the suffering Church this way. Surviving a persecution situation involves desperation, but that desperation can turn into harshness and heresy if one is not careful. The terrible superstitions that came into the Church in venerating the bones of martyrs were a response to persecution. Persecution brings martyrs. To revere martyrs is one thing. But to worship their relics as if they are a special lever to move the hand of God with — that is terrible.

 

Why is the book of Esther in the Bible? Because it tells us that God helps His people. If this decree had gone through, then a holocaust would have taken place and the will of God for the world would have been lost. We would have had no Bible otherwise. God was not going to let that happen, and He stretched forth His mighty arm to prevent it. The good news of His Gospel must be spread. So reading about how God intervened must have given great increase to a Jew’s faith, as it increases ours too. God intervenes to save and get His will done. And His will is that all come to know Him and love Him.

 

So persecution can strengthen our faith, as we see God delivering His people powerfully and getting His will done.

 

I stand before you now, a living witness to the strength of suffering. We come out stronger, not because of our faith, but because we see God deliver us in mighty ways. We have to; otherwise we would be dead and gone. Praise God for persecution, for building His Church no matter what the opposition.

 

Let us have the courage of Esther, and say, “If I perish, I perish.” But let us remember that our courage is decisive only because God is mighty, and stretches out His arm to deliver us when we cry.

Response

Today I will focus on God’s deliverance and stand strong trusting Him for the future.

Prayer

Pray today for the persecuted Church. Pray they will find their strength only in the Lord.

© 2013 Open Doors International. Used by permission.

[existentialmagazine]

Review: Chloé Sautereau’s new bare-faced acoustic-pop single ‘Ten Thousand Stories’ merges warm guitar with a narrative of finding your place in the world

The Swiss born and raised, New York based singer-songwriter Chloé Sautereau has slowly but surely finding her place within the music scene, sharing bare-faced pop that blurs catchy hooks with intimate storytelling. With influences such as artists like Amy Allen, FINNEAS and Julia Michaels, Chloé is a familiar but uniquely striking force to be reckoned with, and she only continues to grow with every new release. Since her debut ‘Get to Know You Game’ earlier this year, Chloé now shares her latest offering ‘Ten Thousand Stories.’

As songwriting lies at the heart of everything Chloé does, ‘Ten Thousand Stories’ spills out with admissions of her ever-changing environments and headspaces, coming to terms with her new reality based within New York city and the way her life has shifted both internally and externally. Consumed by the big city, the endless faces, thousands of apartments and passing cars, bright lights and nightlife, the world Chloé now finds herself in is one that never stops moving, and that causes a lot of introspection. As she sings ‘sleeping here can get a little lonely’ , it’s almost like the masses of crowds and bustling streets can emphasise the loneliness of her solitary apartment, surrounded by so many and yet spending every night alone. The chorus hook continues ‘I’m ten thousand stories tall but I’m falling… I’m trying to keep up with the city lights’ , expressing how Chloé’s new life leaves her feeling a little lost within the world, constantly in a cycle of needing to be moving and doing something just like everyone around her. Just like we all experience and put on, there’s an inherent external pretence buried within her words, with Chloé feeling she must keep her emotions within to save face but allowing herself the freedom within her lyrics to come clean: ‘when I think about tomorrow, is it okay if I say I’m a little scared.’ As we’re all constantly pushed to grow, learn, make money and progress in our lives, ‘Ten Thousand Stories’ really flows out like the internal monologue most of us have buried within us, trying to make peace with the reality of life’s consuming needs. But littered within her self-analysis is just as much light as there is turmoil, as Chloé sings ‘have you seen how the morning sun makes every little thing so lovely’ , finding a new home in a place that glows with endless life. Erring between overwhelm and a newfound appreciation, ‘Ten Thousand Stories’ is here to give you an anthem for those days it all gets a little too much, guiding you through while Chloé’s figuring things out just as much as we all are.

Between the breathing lungs of her lyricism is a soundscape that’s both tender and warm, extending a welcoming hand to anyone needing to find the strength and familiarity of a friend to get them through and feel a little less alone, even if that’s in the distant form of Chloé from afar. Beginning with gentle acoustic guitar strums and intermittent plucks that ring out into the vastness of the sound, ‘Ten Thousand Stories’ captures an immediate intimacy that you can’t help but resonate with, built up with occasional dreamy electric guitar twangs. The chorus surrounds you with a cloudy haze of soft instrumentals, layering differing guitar strums and plucks within each other, showing more of a strength in their delivery than the verse’s more melancholic hums. Chloé’s vocals truly take centre stage though, soaring through a clean and airy higher range with a haunting delicacy, bridging the gap between powerful vocals with a lighter edge. Towards the track’s closure, radiant backing vocals make her words all the more engrossing, creating an atmospheric aura before things calmly fade out. All in all, the soundscape of ‘Ten Thousand Stories’ is intentionally minimal, there to soothe but not to take the focus of a narrative that Chloé is determined to have heard.

Check out ‘Ten Thousand Stories’ here to journey through Chloé’s heartfelt storytelling and whimsical sound!

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Unknown

// This coverage was created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator.

#music #singlereview #chloesautereau #sautereau

[astrology12]

Talking to an Astrologer Does Help in Leading a Better Life

What is Astrology?

Astrology or Vedic astrology is an ancient occult science that was revealed by the Holy Sages of Bharat (modern day India), thousands of years ago. Astrology has been practiced for thousands of years and apart from the Hindu culture from where it originated, it has roots in many different cultures, such as the Egyptian and Greek cultures.

Astrology begins with analyzing the Horoscope of a person to decipher what various planets signify for different aspects of that person’s life as per their placements in the Horoscope.

A Horoscope is basically a map that holds all the information about the position of different planets & stars in the Zodiac Belt at the time of a person’s birth.

By exploring the unique qualities and energies associated with each celestial body, Astrologer can provide a framework for understanding the complexity of human experience and navigating life's challenges with greater insight and wisdom.

Benefits of Talking to an Astrologer

One of the primary benefits of consulting with an astrologer is gaining a deeper understanding of your personality and life path. By analyzing the positions of celestial bodies at the time of your birth, an astrologer can provide insights into your strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies, as well as offer guidance on how to navigate different life situations.

A key benefit of having an astrological consultation is that we get vital guidance that helps in making decisions that are aligned with the positive planetary significations thereby maximizing our chances of succeeding without any major difficulty.

Once you talk to an astrologer and know how various domains of your life are expected to pan out, then you get empowered by that vital information and stand at a better position to make informed decisions in life that would likely prove to be rewarding later on.

By exploring the unique qualities and energies associated with each ascendant sign, you can learn to appreciate your own strengths and weaknesses, as well as those of others.

Many people find that Astrology offers a sense of validation and comfort in times of stress or uncertainty. By seeing the larger patterns and cycles at play in your life, you can gain a broader perspective and feel more grounded and centered.

It is not an exaggeration to say that guidance from an astrologer can open up the door for making positive changes in life and an overall holistic transformation of the personality.

By exploring the different aspects of your birth chart and understanding the larger themes and patterns in your life, you can identify areas for growth and make positive changes that lead to greater fulfillment and happiness.

Finding the Right Astrologer

When it comes to consulting with an astrologer, it's important to find someone who is knowledgeable, compassionate, and trustworthy. Here are some tips for finding the right astrologer for you:

Perform Due Diligence: Never compromise on experience while planning for an astrological consultation. Also, consult with astrologers who are well known and have a track record of providing beneficial guidance to their clients.

Consider your needs: Think about what you want to get out of your consultation with an astrologer. Narrow down on the domain/s of life that you wish to get astrological guidance on.

Listen to Your Heart: Listen to what your heart says, if you feel a connection with an astrologer after reading or listening about him/her, then just go for a consultation. If you feel comfortable and confident with a particular astrologer, that's a good sign that they're the right fit for you.

Preparing for an Astrological Consultation

In order to get the most out of your consultation with an astrologer, it's important to come prepared with an open mind and a clear intention. Here are some tips for preparing for your astrological consultation:

Reflect on Your Goals: Before your consultation, take some time to reflect on what you hope to gain from the experience. In other words- identify the areas or domains of your concern in your life. By clarifying your intentions, you can help the astrologer to tailor their approach and insights to your needs.

Gather Your Birth Information: In order to create a birth chart and provide accurate insights, the astrologer will need your birth date, time, and location. Make sure to have this information ready ahead of time so that the astrologer can prepare your chart in advance.

Get Your Queries Ready: It is prudent to keep your queries or doubts handy before approaching for an astrological consultation. This can help you to stay focused and ensure that you cover everything you want to discuss.

Be Open and Honest: In order to provide the most accurate and helpful insights, the astrologer will need to know a bit about your personal history and current circumstances. Be prepared to share openly and honestly, and trust that the information you provide will be kept confidential.

Take Notes: During your consultation, you may receive a lot of information and insights. To help you remember everything, bring a notebook or recording device and take notes on the key points and takeaways. This can also help you to reflect on the insights and integrate them into your life after the consultation.

Conclusion

Talk to Astrologer can be a powerful tool for gaining insight, clarity, and guidance on your life path. By understanding the basics of Astrology and finding the right astrologer for you, you can unlock the benefits of this ancient practice and discover new possibilities for personal growth and fulfillment.

By preparing for your consultation and approaching it with an open mind and a willingness to explore new perspectives, you can gain valuable insights and clarity on your path forward.

Get invaluable occult based guidance and be prepared to face any & all challenges that life throws at you with confidence and make well informed decisions to reap rewards of success in the times to come!

For those who are ready to take control of their destiny and explore the deeper mysteries of the universe, Astrology can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth.

#astrologer #talk to astrologer