#holding back tears
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I Said I'm Fine
JJ Maybank x F!Reader
For Day 14 of @whumpril's 2023 Challenge: false smile / holding back tears / "I said I'm fine"
Warnings: 18+, language, angst
Word Count: 2.2k
A/N: I've been wanting to write for JJ again for a while now and these prompts just seemed to good to pass up for him. Hope you enjoy!
OBX Taglist: @garbinge @passionatewrites (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)
The pogues all getting back to the Outer Banks was the biggest news on the island since they’d all gone missing. It was funny to you how much people had switched up about them once they were missing. People that you knew for a fact had never said a kind word to any of them were suddenly saying how worried they were, how they hoped that they were all okay wherever they were. It was all bullshit, and you knew it, but it wasn’t worth fighting with them over.
You almost wished that any of it had been sincere, because at least then it wouldn’t have felt like you were suffering alone. But, as it stood, you had no one. The more time that went by, the less people even pretended to care, and the more alone you felt.
But then they all came home.
There was nothing else in your life that could’ve compared to the feeling of relief that came when you found out that it was true, that they really were all back on the island. All of those weeks with absolutely no news, and now you were going to be able to see them all again. It felt like your heart was going to leap clean out of your chest.
You didn’t really know what you expected, but when you stopped by the chateau to see everyone, the only person that you saw there was John B. It made sense that everyone would’ve gone off in their different directions, but part of you was hoping that you would be able to see them all together before they split off.
It didn’t stop you from hugging John B tight enough to you to risk cracking his ribs. “I’m so glad you guys are okay,” you said, tears welling up in your eyes.
He laughed but you could hear the heaviness in it as he said, “Yea, me too.”
Pulling back, you quickly wiped the tears from your face. “Where…where is everyone?”
He shook his head, looking as bewildered as you felt. He didn’t know what else to do besides shrug. “Not sure. I think that everyone went…went home. Sarah went to get some stuff from Tannyhill but then she’ll be back here.”
“What about JJ?”
John B shrugged again. “He didn’t say where he was going exactly. Just figured he was going back to his house.”
Your heart sank at that. His house. His house that you knew for a fact was now taped off and slated to be seized by the bank. His house that he had been dying to get out of for years before all of this, and now it was only going to be worse.
Trying to get your feelings under control, you nodded. “Right. I’m, um, I’m gonna go see if I can catch up with him. I’ll try to track down Pope and Kie tomorrow.”
John B nodded. “Sure thing.”
Pulling him into another hug, you told him, “I’m so fucking glad you guys are home.”
He eased into the hug, squeezing you back for a moment. “Thank you.”
Without wasting another minute, you took off from the chateau back to your car and started towards JJ’s. You’d been stopping there on your rounds while everyone had been gone. You’d been stopping by the chateau too, on the off chance that they all appeared again and were just trying to lay low like the last time they dropped off the radar.
Practically jumping out of your car, you started making your way towards the front door. You saw the tape across it, but you also saw the way that the front door had been opened anyway. A heaviness settled in your chest as you realized that JJ had to come home after so many weeks away, to this. You’d been spending all of those weeks alone, but JJ had to come back to loneliness. That was an entirely different kind of pain.
Letting yourself in the house, you called out for him. “JJ?”
There was the sound of something clattering to the ground followed by the heavy footsteps that let you know that while a lot of things might have changed, JJ still hadn’t lost his boots. Any of the comfort that you found in that realization, however, was lost when JJ emerged from where his bedroom used to be. The lost look on his face broke your heart, but what made it worse was the fact that he tried to paint a smile on over it as he said your name.
“What’re you doing here?”
You wanted to step in closer to him, but it felt like your feet were glued to the floor. “I just, um, I wanted to come and see you.”
He held his arms out, the fake smile growing sadder by the second. “Here I am.”
Something about the sadness in his face got your feet to finally cooperate with the rest of you. Crossing the room in what felt like two long strides, you landed yourself right in front of him. “I missed you.”
“I—” his sentence was cut short for a moment as you wrapped him up in a hug. He settled into it, but you could feel the way that he was beginning to shake as he said, “I missed you too.”
The two of you stood like that for a long time, wrapped up in the middle of the dirty living room of Luke’s abandoned house. You were making up for lost time, all the days and nights that you’d spent worrying about him, about all of them. Every day that went by it felt less and less likely that you’d ever get the chance to hug JJ like this again. But he was here now, and you didn’t want to let him go.
JJ, on the other hand, was holding you tight in the hopes that if he held you tight enough, held you long enough, that the world around him would somehow change. As long as your arms were squeezing around his middle, and his eyes were shut tight as he buried his face into your shoulder, the sad reality of all that he had to come back to on the island wasn’t something that he had to deal with.
You could feel it as he started to shake more, could feel how he was trying desperately to hold back his tears. Running your hand up and down his back, you said, “You can talk to me, you know.”
That snapped him out of the sad but wishful state that he’d been in. Pulling away from you, he sniffled and shook his head, trying to blink his tears back into submission. “Talk? What’s,” he forced a laugh, “what’s there to talk about?”
“JJ—”
“No, no,” he waved you off, taking a step back, “I’m fine. Really. Why,” he let out a sad laugh as he held his arms out, gesturing to the room around you, “why wouldn’t I be good? I’m home! All those weeks away and I’m finally fucking home!”
You felt your bottom lip starting to quiver. “I’m sorry.”
Heat crept up the back of his neck—he could feel the anger threatening to roll over him. It wasn’t about you. None of this was your fault. But the longer he stood there, looking at you and the sad, sympathetic look in your eyes, the more he felt like he was going to take it out on you anyway. It wasn’t fair. But nothing about any of this really was.
“What do you have to be sorry for? I said I’m fine. I’m back,” he kicked an empty beer can to the side, “back in paradise.”
You knew that there was nothing to say that was going to soothe the pain he was feeling. Everyone else was coming home to things that were theirs, coming home to families of some kind. But not him. He had an empty, foreclosed house and that was it. John B had the chateau, Sarah had John B, Kiara had her parents, and Pope had his. Everyone had someone to lean on, something that was waiting to welcome them home. JJ had you, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t what he was looking for.
“You don’t gotta stay,” he said after a long stretch of silence. “I’m all good here, if you couldn’t tell.”
“I want to stay,” you told him, hoping to make him realize that he wasn’t as alone as he felt.
He scoffed. “No one wants to stay here. I don’t want to stay here, that’s for damn sure. Luke didn’t wanna stay here either! Hell, I didn’t even want to come back at all!”
The tears that were lingering at the edges of your eyes finally started to spill over. “JJ…”
“No, no,” he waved you off, “don’t do that. Don’t look at me like that, say my name like that.”
“I’m not—”
“What are you even doing here, anyway?”
Wiping at the tears on your face, you asked, “Is it not obvious?” You could tell by the look on his face when he opened his mouth that he was going to have another sarcastic comment for you, so you cut him off before he could start. “I’ve been worried sick about you for well over a month, JJ. You were missing. I, I was worried that you were dead.”
“Well,” he threw his hands up, “I’m not. I’m good. So you can—”
“You’re not good, JJ! Stop saying that!” You took a step towards him, erasing the distance that he’d tried to put there. “You’re not good. Nothing…nothing about this situation is good. I, I get that.”
You didn’t get it fully. But you were at least in a place where you could see it more than anyone else had been capable of. That’s why you were standing there with him while everyone else was gone. You were expecting JJ to throw it back in your face, though, the way that you couldn’t possibly understand it all. You braced yourself for a tirade, but it never came. The anger that was beginning to flood his eyes slowly started to drain, the sadness and loss creeping back in its stead. You saw the way he tried to keep his tears at bay as he shook his head at you, trying to figure out what to say next.
All you wanted to do was pull him out of that god forsaken house and never let him go back. Your mind was already racing, trying to come up with a plan for it all. But you also knew that the best plan in the world wasn’t going to matter if JJ didn’t agree to it. It all hinged on him being willing to let his guard down, let someone help.
“Please come stay with me,” you finally said.
He froze, clearly not expecting that to be the next thing you said. “What?”
“Come stay with me. At least for a little while, until we figure out what to do next.”
He shook his head. “No, no I can’t…you’re just…no. I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
He stepped back and started to pace. “Just because you feel bad, doesn’t mean—”
“This is just as much for me as it is for you,” you said, cutting him off.
It wasn’t a lie, either. You didn’t want JJ to be squatting in Luke’s house for a multitude of reasons. You knew that nothing good was going to come of that. However, you would’ve been lying if you tried to say that convincing him to stay with you and your family didn’t have some selfish ulterior motives to it. All those weeks of not knowing where he was, it would be nice to know that he was just down the hall.
He could see the sincerity in your eyes. Part of him knew that he wasn’t going to end up winning this argument, but another part of him wasn’t going to let him give in without a fight.
“What about your parents?”
You laughed and shook your head, wiping at the tears on your face. “I’ve been telling you for years, JJ, my parents actually like you.”
He never believed it when you said it. You didn’t exactly blame him—most people on the island didn’t like JJ simply because they knew his last name. That, and he had a hard time not feeding into the animosity of it all once he found out that people didn’t particularly trust him. But your parents hadn’t ever treated him poorly, hadn’t ever made him feel less-than. You knew that some of it came from pity, but it was better than them treating him poorly.
It'd been a long enough stretch of silence to allow him to think when you finally spoke up again. “Please?”
He hesitated for another moment longer, but then gave in with a nod. “Okay.” He wiped at the tears on his face. “Just, just until I figure out something else.”
Relief flooded through you as you nodded. “Of course.”
Stepping in, JJ wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug, finally allowing himself to fall apart for a moment. “Thank you.”
You held him tight. “Of course.” Hooking your chin over his shoulder, you let your hand trail up and down his back. “I love you, you know.”
You felt the way he nodded as he kept you clung close to him. “I know.” He let out a sigh of relief. “I love you too.”
#whumpril#whumpril2023#whumprilday14#false smile#holding back tears#i said i'm fine#obx#outer banks#outer banks netflix#obx netflix#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x you#jj maybank#outer banks fanfiction#obx fanfiction#my writing#fanfiction#drabblesmc
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I don't know when it'll be, but I promise I'm gonna call you, okay?
requested by @acvross-the-universe
#thenightagentedit#sutherkinedit#the night agent#sutherkin#peter x rose#peter sutherland#rose larkin#gif request#i'm down bad bad apparently#her FACE in that last one PLS#HOLDING BACK TEARS#HEY SAME ROSE#dailynetflix#userbrizz#lydiaas#the night agent spoilers
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Oh. My. God. ☹
#i might cry#holding back tears#BRING THEM BACK NOW#spoilers: they did not get married and live in a little cottage#tma#the magnus archives#mag 200#my precious little boy#jmart#jonmartin
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Whumpril 2023 Day 14: Holding Back Tears
#whumpril#whumpril2023#whumprilday14#holding back tears#russell crowe#acting appreciation#filmedit#filmgifs#movieedit#moviegifs#junkfooddaily#dailyflicks#fyeahmovies#cinemapix#cinematv#userfilm
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can't wait for when this gets extra painful
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Whumpril 2023 - Day 14
c:< Yet again I get the honor of borrowing one of @friendlylocalwhumper characters and @that-one-thespian's characters!! Thank you for letting me play with Quinn and the team!!
TWs: beating, blood, misunderstandings, kidnapping, death, IT'S A RESCUE I PROMISE
False Smile | Holding Back Tears | “I said I’m fine.”
Quinn Mae was strong. Mariano wouldn't hear anything other than that about the teenager. They were strong, and stubborn, and so sure of themself and their abilities. Most of the time, they were correct in their assessment.
No one could be right all the time, though.
Mariano slipped through the shadows, head to toe in black clothing, with even his glasses' shine concealed by a matte clip-on Luis had shown him when he'd joined his squad. All he had to do was get Quinn and get out, then they could work on taking these guys down for good.
He could hear Archer relaying messages from Wren through his earpiece. "Just ahead, now." Archer said, low and steady. "Wren says it seems like these guys are rough."
They wouldn't know what state Quinn was in until Mariano got eyes on them, then. That was fine. They wouldn't be any trouble to carry, if he needed to.
The blade of his hunting knife couldn't slot between the door and its frame, so he dropped to a knee and traded his knife for the lock picking kit Fletcher had taught him to use. It took longer than Fletcher's work, but he got it open. Standing and putting it away, Mariano slipped inside.
Quinn met his gaze as he closed the door, their eyes narrowed. Their face was swollen, deeply bruised and painful looking. Cuts and burns littered their shoulders and arms, and the tough cording that kept them tied to the chair dug into their wrists and ankles. Mariano didn't have to look close to know there was dried blood on the skin below that material--he knew how quickly it sunk its teeth into you if you struggled at all.
"Get the kit ready." Mariano said quietly, approaching Quinn and pulling out his knife again. They closed their eyes for just a moment, taking one unsteady breath before their face went blank again.
"I knew it." Quinn murmured. "I knew it. I still won't give you anything."
Mariano knew they didn't have time to start unpacking whatever was going on in Quinn's head. He wouldn't be good at that anyway. "Don't struggle." He said, simply as he knelt down next to their chair. "I won't burn you, promise."
His knife ate through the cord like it was slipping through cold butter, quick and precise with barely a scorch mark left on the arms of the chair. Next, he freed their ankles. And then, just as he was about to stand up, the heel of their shoe met the bridge of his nose.
He fell backwards with a grunt, catching himself with one hand and blocking his nose from another kick with his other elbow. "Quinn, what--" Mariano managed, only just managing to dispel his magic as Quinn leaped at him.
They might not have the sheer strength that he or Archer or Elana had, but their bony knuckles didn't hurt any less when they connected with the side of his head. "Quinn, I'm--stop!" He tried, seeing stars when they hit him again. He did not want to pin them, or restrain them, not if they were so scared that they jumped him the second they were freed. "I'm here to--I'm getting you out!" He managed.
Archer was louder in the comm now, almost shouting. It made Mariano's ears ring. He wasn't sure if Quinn could even hear him, though. "Quinn! Quinn, stop! He's getting you out!"
Quinn did not stop, though. They kept pummeling him just like Archer did when he got someone on the floor. With Mariano's ears ringing and blood dripping freely down his face, he barely had enough time to get to his feet before Quinn sprinted out the door. "Oh my god--" Mariano groaned, snatching his knife and kicking into a sprint after them.
"Get the--be ready to hear alarms." He huffed, seeing them sprint around a corner. "Be ready to drive, I need to catch them."
There was no use calling to them. All Mariano could do now was catch up to them and haul them out of here before the guards could find them. A shout up ahead crushed those hopes as thoroughly as Quinn had crushed his glasses.
Quinn was quickly surrounded by three men, ducking around them and sprinting faster. They were heading towards the common area. There would be even more people there.
Mariano sent his magic through his blade, slicing through two of them. He didn't have time to stop the last one from running off, and sheathed his knife before lunging. He managed to wrap one arm around Quinn's waist and clamp his other gloved hand over their mouth, hauling them backwards. He needed to get them closer to one of the escape points that Fletcher had helped find.
They struggled in his arms, flailing and kicking and hitting as Mariano lifted them up. Their eyes were wide, brimming with unshed tears. "Quinn." Mariano said against their ear, keeping his voice steady. "Archer and the others are in the van. I'm not going to hurt you. Here," He lifted the hand over Quinn's mouth away, and placed the earpiece on their ear.
"Quinn. Can you hear me?" Archer asked. Mariano was close enough to hear every word. He felt some of the fight begin to leave Quinn, and tightened the arm at their waist. They didn't need to crumple to the floor if their knees gave out. "Mariano is there to help. Can you let him get you out of there?"
Quinn took a shaky breath. "...Yes." They whispered.
"Good, now--"
The alarms started screaming. With a deep breath, Mariano leaned down and looped his free arm up under Quinn's knees to hoist them into his arms. "Hold onto me. Don't look." He said, taking off into a run.
When Quinn's arms looped around his neck, Mariano was able to free up the arm at their back to get his knife out again. "I won't let them touch you again. Promise." His magic raced up the blade again, just in time for someone to shout that they'd spotted the intruder.
He kept his promise. Mariano didn't let them touch Quinn. Even as he ducked and weaved, sprinting as fast as he could towards the open van doors once they were outside again, none of them were able to lay another finger on the shaking teenager in his arms.
#whumpril2023#whumprilday14#holding back tears#mage of violence#the team#quinn#kidnapping#rescue#blood#beating#death#but like it's nameless villains#misunderstandings
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holding back tears
@whumpril day 14
hero and sidekick
339 words
warnings: blood, dying character, explosions
---
Hero barrels out of the collapsing building, Sidekick barely able to keep up. The shrapnel in his back tears deeper into his skin with every step and he can hardly take it anymore. Hero runs ahead of him, untouched as always. Blood runs down Sidekick’s face, steadily pouring from a cut on his forehead.
“Hero,” he calls out moments before his legs give out.
Just before he hits the ground, Hero catches him, “What’s wrong? A little explosion never hurt you before,” he jokes nervously. “We’ll get you fixed up, I promise.”
Sidekick nods and his whole body tenses in pain, “You have to get me out of here first.”
“It’s always nag, nag, nag with you, isn’t it?” Hero laughs. He ignores the puddle of blood on the ground from rebar in Sidekick’s leg and runs further from the explosion.
Sidekick’s eyes flutter shut and his head lolls to the side, leaving his neck at an awkward angle.
There’s another explosion and Sidekick jerks awake, barely strong enough to lift his head, he says something under his breath and Hero stops running.
“What?” Sidekick looks at him, eyes suddenly dull and Hero knows what he’s going to say. “No. Just hold on a little longer. You know Medic can fix it.”
Sidekick shakes his head and attempts a comforting smile, “I’m done, Hero.”
“No.” Hero shakes his head, “No, no, no. You’re going to be fine. You’ve been through so much worse than this, remember? You’ll be fine.”
“Hero…”
“No. Shut up. I’m not letting you die. You’re just being dramatic, alright? You can do this.” he insists, voice breaking.
“Hero, I need you to listen to me, ok?” Sidekick exhales shakily and bites his cheek, “I’m done.”
Hero shakes his head and looks up, eyes clouding with tears. “We have to get out of here, let’s talk about this later, ok?”
Sidekick’s eyes close again and Hero blinks the tears from his eyes, he exhales sharply and starts running back to base, holding Sidekick close against himself.
#whumpril#whumpril2023#whumprilday14#whump#whump fic#sidekick whump#sidekick whumpee#holding back tears#hero caretaker#<- sorta#whump writing#my writing#em writes#em writes stuff
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Whumpril
14.) Holding Back Tears
LOU 2022
{I have been waiting for the perfect prompt to post this gifset, he is trying so hard not to cry😢Love It!!!}
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sometimes the jump from "i am literally the coolest person ever i love being me im amazing and funny and hot and awesome" to "i fucking hate being me i am the most annoying person ever i cannot stand one more second of this somebody help me" happens so suddenly it gives me whiplash and i have to sit down for a few seconds
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Russell Crowe in the Next Three Days
#by uuuhshiny#Russell Crowe#whumpril2023#Whumprilday14#Holding back tears#uuuhshiny's gifs#whumpedit#RC gifs
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the most heart-wrenching experience must be holding back tears. We start with pain, only to find ourselves unable to let it out
#i hate it so much#holding back tears#writing#thoughts#text post#i need friends#platonic longing#idk what else to tag#writers on tumblr
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when everything suddenly turns fogged, you cant breath, your ears start to make white nosies, your holding back tears, your head feels like its spinning and its like everyone disappered in class<<<
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reposted that to the wrong account again FFFFFF!!!!!!
#it’s ok this is my main blog anyways it does not matter#<- said while i kick my foot in the dirt#holding back tears
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Please join me in staring in awe at this artwork of Thom and Mira (my inky) by @ces-arts. I am so in love with this piece, I honestly want to cry.
#blackwall#thom rainier#dragon age oc#my inquisitor#dragon age inquisition#dragon age fanart#they're in love your honor#literally so good#holding back tears#commission#Ces I love you#gushing
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Whumpril Day 14: Holding back tears/"I said I'm fine."
Fandom: Star Wars The Clone Wars
Notes: Bear with me. I hate dialogue. Also no beta reader we die like Mayday.
Mando'a used: Cyara: Love. Vod: Sibling
Summary: An unwanted visitor comes to the planet the 212th is on. After being separated from the others Cody and Obi-wan talk.
Obi-wan knew something was wrong when his commander and him had been separated from the others. What was worse was Darth Maul's looming presence. He wanted, more than anything, to keep his soldiers safe. Unfortunately the sith would have other plans.
Cody followed Obi-wan closely. They had gotten lost before, got separated from the others before. Why this time was so different, he didn't know. Obi-wan wasn't outwardly panicked but the man saw right through him. Cody tried to assure him that everything was going to be fine but he didn't seem convinced.
It felt like the two were wandering around aimlessly. Time passed and suddenly Obi-wan felt a disturbance in the force. Fear. Fear was followed by pain and death. It was familiar as in war it practically surrounded him.
Tears started to gather in his eyes. Once more Obi-wan had failed to protect the people he cared about. He failed to protect them over and over. Qui-gon, Satine, all the innocents that got caught in the crossover were gone and maybe if he had been stronger he could have saved them.
Obi-wan's pace started to quicken; not that he hadn't already been walking quickly. Cody took a few larger steps to get in front of the other. "What's going on?" He demanded. "We've been separated from the battalion before, what's nothing you.?" He came off rather harsh, though it wasn't attended to be that way.
Then he saw the tears that Obi-wan tried to keep from escaping his eyes. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." The Jedi pushed past the clone.
"No you're not. W-"
"I said I'm fine!" For the first time Obi-wan snapped at him. The man stopped walking.
"No you're not." Cody remanded calm. "What's going on? What are you not telling me?"
"Maul" he whispered, "it's Maul. I know I'm not supposed to be, but I'm scared, Cody; I'm scared of him. I can't save them, I've never been able to save them from him." Obi-wan started to walk again. "That doesn't mean I won't try." A few tears crawled their way out of his eyes.
Cody wasn't sure what to say. "Cyara, we'll find them. It'll be okay." Words slowly formed, "it's not your fault."
"He's here to hurt me Cody. Not physically. He already found some of the men."
Cody's fear rose. He loved his vods. "We find Maul. I'm not sure what to do from there but we have to do something." The clone was almost walking faster than Obi-wan now.
"Just try to stay close."
The two would walk to find Maul. Rather it was their last fight together they didn't know. Both were terrified, for the path in front of them was unknown. Whatever it was, they would face it together.
They wouldn't find Maul. The message had been delivered. No where was safe. The commanding officers helped the injured. The Jedi informed the council that someone else would have to be sent to the planet.
Tears would border his eyes once more, not brave enough to move any closer. They would betray him if they moved any closer. The Jedi are supposed to care for everything, but this would be different. His emotion needed to stay known to him and him only.
After the call he still couldn't let the tears fall. Obi-wan's men needed a strong leader. He walked out of the woods to the clearing the soldiers rested in. Now to take care of the aftermath of a man's hatred.
#star wars#star wars whump#whump#star wars the clone wars#obi wan needs a hug#obi wan whump#obi wan star wars#obi wan kenobi#obi wan x cody#commander cody#cody#codywan#codywan whump#darth maul#fucking bitch#whumpril 2023#whumpril#whumpril day 14#holding back tears#I said I'm fine#the clone wars whump#the clone wars#star wars clone wars#ct 2224#no beta reader we die like the clones
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