#hes hot. hes insane. but he has his mature and wise moments | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chickensarentcheap · 3 years

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Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 54

Title: Unexpected

Warnings: profanity

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @miss-smutty, @tragiclyhip, @ocfairygodmother, @ocappreciation

Link on Ao3

: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28860450/chapters/80096629

He hears her as she comes in; the soft click of the front door opening, the tap of her heels against the hardwood floor, the jingle of the dogs’ tags as they hurry to greet her. That almost childlike voice speaking in a hushed whisper; praising them for being ‘good boys’ and for not barking and ‘waking the demons up’. The soft rustle as she slips out of her jacket, followed by a yawn and the shuffling of tiny feet approaching him.

Before he has the chance to turn away from the dishwasher and greet her, she’s wrapping her arms around him from behind; briefly squeezing him before her palms settle on his stomach and her forehead rests against his back. For several minutes neither of them speak; her eyes closed as his calloused fingertips repeatedly drift along her forearms and over the tops of her hands. Enjoying the simplicity of the moment; a quiet and innocent display of intimacy in the security of their still and silent home. She relaxes in the warmth that radiates from his body and the smell that clings to both clothes and skin; fresh and crisp and so utterly masculine. For years she’s enjoyed that scent; reminding her of the comforts of home and the beautiful things that exist in their lives and within their relationship. Using it as a comfort whenever they’re separated; sleeping with his pillow, wearing his tees or his dress shirts, wrapping her body up in one of his hoodies. It keeps him close when he’s so far away; easily managing to chase away even the worst of the loneliness, calm her when her patience has been tested, and bring her back from the edge when feels herself slipping into the dark, hopeless place.

His fingers push through hers; lightly squeezing her hands before raising one to his lips and pressing a kiss to the inside of her wrist. “What’s this all about? This kind of greeting?”

“What? I’m not allowed to hug my husband? Maybe I’m happy to see you. Maybe I appreciate you; taking care of the house, watching the hooligans, letting my sister borrow me for a night. And maybe...just maybe…” she playfully pinches his stomach. “...I find it sexy when you’re doing domestic shit.”

“You do, do ya?” He grins. “Just HOW sexy do you find it?”

“Incredibly sexy. Coming home to a spotless kitchen and all the kids fast asleep and every stitch of laundry folded AND packed? That makes me so hot for you.”

“Maybe that was my plan.” Placing a kiss on the top of her hand, he releases his hold and returns to putting the last of the clean dishes away. “Get all this shit done, make you all hot and bothered, have you at the point you can’t say no.”

“Like I would say no. I seem to be incapable of using that word when it comes to you for some reason. It’s why I’m in the predicament I am now; married to this insanely hot, muscly, tattooed Aussie who I let impregnate me with SEVEN spawn.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Definitely NOT a bad thing. A few more than I ever expected to have, but…” her hands glide along across his stomach and onto his sides. Running up and down his ribs before settling on his hips; playfully pinching the miniscule amount of fat that resides there. “...we do good work.”

“We do,” he agrees, and turns to face her; leaning back against the bottom cupboards with his palms flat against the countertop. “We do fucking amazing work, actually.”

Her hands slide to the small of his back and she leans her body against his; the bottom of her chin against his chest as she peers up at him. Cheeks slightly flushed; the lingering remnants of the powerful drink she’d finished just mere minutes before jumping in a cab and heading for home. “How did things go?”

“I was just going to ask you the same thing. You didn’t stick around long; after you called me.”

“I just wasn’t feeling it. That kind of place. Not really my scene anymore. Maybe when I was in my early twenties and looking for an easy pick up; a bar where the guys are so needy it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. It was like I was in this whole new, strange world that I didn’t even understand. Am I really getting that old?”

“You’re not getting old. You just make better choices now. You’re just wise. More mature.”

She groans.

“What?” he chuckles, and gently combs a hand through her hair; fingertips moving wayward strands from the side of her face and looping them behind her ear. “What did I say?”

“You said mature. Which is just a polite way of calling me old.”

“That is definitely NOT why I called you mature. You are NOT old. Far from it.”

“You’re saying that out loud, but inwardly you’re counting my gray hairs, aren’t you.”

“Maybe…”

Frowning, she slaps both palms against his ass and then pinches aggressively. “Jerk!”

“You really want to know what I was thinking?”

“I don’t know, do I? Are you actually brave enough to admit it? You may be Mister Big, Bad Mercenary, but you can’t deny you’re scared of little old me.”

“That’s because you hold all the power. Other people? They can’t hurt me the way you can.”

“I guess in your eyes, this is nothing scarier than the reality of sleeping on the couch for the rest of your naturally born life,” she chides, as her hands slip under his t-shirt. Her palms repeatedly skimming over his bare back; fingers able to find the smattering of scars by sheer memory. “Tell me,” she encourages. “What WERE you thinking?”

“You sure you can handle it?”

“I’m a big girl; I can take it.”

“Of there’s no doubt about that. And you take it very well.”

She gives a dramatic roll of her eyes, then lightly scraps her fingernails along his skin. “Considering what I’ve gone through in the past twelve and a half years, I think it’s safe to say that I can pretty much handle anything you throw at me.”

“I dunno…”

“Tyler, my husband is a mercenary. I have four sons. I have seen and heard it all. Nothing shocks me anymore.”

“All I was thinking was how you looked really beautiful tonight. I mean, you’re beautiful ALL the time, but tonight? Extra beautiful.”

A slow smile creeps across her face; dark eyes sparkling up at him in a mix of content and slight embarrassment. Still not entirely comfortable with compliments and praise; her childhood and eventual first marriage spent being constantly torn down and degraded. “That was an extremely good save.”

A grin tugs at the corners of his mouth. “Wasn’t bad, huh? You impressed by me?”

“Very. That was extremely quick thinking on your part. You may have just saved yourself a very long time of camping out in the living room.”

“Well, I actually would just go and stay in the pool house. Try not to cross your path until you’ve calmed down a bit. And honestly…” Both hands push through her hair now; fingers slowly combing through the loosening curls. “...it’s the truth. It WAS what I was thinking.”

“Husband, I don’t care what you say, you’re a big softie.”

“Shut up,” he grumbles, fingertips grazing over the smooth lines of her jaw; thumbs repeatedly brushing across the tops of her cheeks before leaning down to kiss her.

Long and soft and sweet; the slow and familiar movements of closed mouth upon closed mouth. A sigh escaping as she climbs onto the top of his feet; standing on the tips of her toes as she curls her arms around his neck. It’s a simple and innocent form of intimacy. Nothing hurried or rushed; bodies not driven by profound want and need. Just a gentle and languid mix of mouths and the tips of tongues. Calloused palms tenderly cradling her face

He gathers her in his embrace when the moment finally ends. Tucking her tightly into his chest. An arm wrapped securely around her waist and hand resting against the back of her head; fingers pushing through her hair and then gently kneading her scalp. She relishes in that physical connection; eyes closed and her arms wrapped around his torso. Enjoying the press of his cotton t-shirt against her cheek and the hard wall of muscle that lays behind it, the familiar scent that clings to skin and clothes, the warmth that radiates from his body, the sound of his heart beating deep within his chest.

The latter plays on her emotions; the realization of how close she’d come to never hearing that sound again. Remembering those first nights in Dhaka; when sleep managed to find him and she’d laid against the strong, beautiful body with her head on his chest or pressed against his back. This big, seemingly fearless man that was haunted by so many ghosts and plagued by so many demons; a troubled mind and a weary body somehow finding reprieve and comfort in HER presence. All the things he’d confessed to her; his guilt and his shame and his regret and how he’d been harbouring a death wish for years. She had lay there in that dirty hotel room marvelling at him; having gone through so much yet somehow managing to keep putting one foot in front of the other. The sound of his heart was the sound of potential and promise; he hadn’t given up and he’d admitted to finally finding something -someone- that could perhaps make him happy again and give him a sense of purpose.

It had come so close to being snatched away; both on the Sultana Kamal Bridge and during his return to Dhaka.

She tightly squeezes her eyes in an attempt to hold back a flood of tears; hands increasing their grip on the back of his shirt. He doesn’t question it; the trembling of her body or the hitch in her breathing or the desperate way in which she clings to him. Instead he drops a kiss on the top of her head and his palm slides to the middle of her back; rubbing in smooth, comforting circles.

It’s several minutes before he speaks. Both hands briefly settling on her shoulders, gently pushing her away before one hand rests on her hip and the knuckles of the other graze along her jaw. “You alright? You good?”

Nodding, she opens her eyes and looks up at him, managing a reassuring smile and a small nod.

“You sure? ‘Cause you don’t look alright. You want to tell me what’s going on? What’s got you looking like the waterworks are going to start any second?”

“It’s just been a hell of a couple weeks. And finding out about Mark and realizing that was actually him that got that close to me? It’s just unsettled me a bit. That’s all.”

“I am sorry that I kept it from you. If I’d had any other choice…”

Her hands slide down his back and onto his ribs. “You didn’t though. You did the right thing. You don’t need to be sorry. I don’t WANT you to be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. You made the right decision.”

He nods slowly as he considers her words. “Did you at least try and have a good time tonight? Was any of it decent at least?”

“Dinner was great. Conversation was awesome. I could have done without going to a bar mainly inhabited by frat boys whose balls haven’t probably even dropped yet. Do you want to know how many times I was propositioned tonight? How many times my ass was grabbed?”

“Not really, no.”

“A lot. A staggering amount, actually. Probably more times than you've grabbed my ass in the entire twelve years I’ve been married to you. But I enjoy when YOU grab it. Them? I feel like I need to bathe in a tub full of bleach.”

“You know, you could have called me. I would have come down there to bust some heads.”

“Which is exactly WHY I didn’t call you. Because you’re much more useful to me and the children than you are in jail. Let’s NOT catch any assault charges, okay?”

“I don’t know,” he chides. “Guys start sexually harassing my wife…”

“I handled them. Nothing good old fashioned public humiliation to set them straight. What about your night? Did it go okay? Have YOU been okay?”

“I’ve been good. Just been keeping to myself. Hung out with Desi and Shaena, kept the kids fed and entertained. No one broke any bones or blackened any eyes or shed any blood. That’s considered a successful night in our house.”

“That's considered a miracle,” she laughs. “You know, considering your children are feral and all.”

“You’re going to blame that on me, aren’t you?”

“Honey, you once lived in a shack in the outback with a chicken as a roommate. That’s pretty feral.”

“You fell in love with me. While I was living in that shack with that chicken. Knowing I was feral. What does that say about you?”

“It says that I have exceptional taste. That despite being feral, I thought you were insanely sexy. I saw that sparkle of a diamond under the rough. Didn’t take much for me to bring it right out in the open.”

“Comparing me to a diamond? I don’t know whether to be offended or flattered.”

“It’s a compliment, you jackass.”

“You have this uncanny ability of loving me up one second and shit talking me the next.”

“You act like that’s something new. I’ve only been like this for more than a decade. I notice you stick around. Put up with it. You haven’t told me to fuck off or packed your bags and hauled ass.”

“Well despite your downfalls, you have way more good qualities going for you.”

“Yeah? And what good qualities are those?”

“I’m not entirely sure. I mean, you can’t reach things on the high shelves, you can’t get clothes out of the bottom of the washing machine, you can’t cook for shit.”

“Go on,” she encourages, and pinches the sensitive areas below his ribs. “Get it all off your chest. I promise I won’t kill you in your sleep.”

“But, in spite of all of your many faults, I love you. And I can’t live without you.”

Smiling, she stands on her tip toes and presses a kiss to the underside of his chin. “We are so codependent.”

“A little. But I think it’s kinda of understandable, don’t you? I mean, both of us spent a lot of years not having anyone. Always had to fend for ourselves, didn’t trust anyone, didn’t let anyone in ‘cause we didn’t want to get hurt. And then we met and that all changed. I think it’s easy to see why we are the way we are; we’ve been through a lot of shit together. A lot of horrible, horrible shit.”

“Yeah,” she sighs, then squeezes his sides and smiles up at him. “But we’ve also been through a lot of really good times too.”

“We have,” he agrees. “Even in the midst of some of the really shitty stuff.”

“And we always get through things. No matter how bad they are. How many couples can say that? How many would just break and fold and not even fight for things? Probably a lot. I like to think we’re a different breed. That what we have is totally different from what they have.”

“I think it is. I mean, let’s face it; we’re both phenomenally resilient. And horrifyingly stubborn. I think you’re even worse than I am.”

“Please,” she laughs. “You are the king of stubborn people. No one comes close to you.”

“I don’t know, Me. Some of the things I’ve seen you do when you shouldn’t…”

“Tyler, you are way more stubborn than I am. Admit it.”

“You’re arguing like a stubborn person would,” he teases, and then laughs when she lands a playful, light punch to his stomach and tries to back away; a palm on the small of her back holding her in place. “How about we just call it a tie?”

“How about we say you have fifteen percent more stubbornness than I do?”

“Fifteen? I’ll go as high as five.”

“Five?” she scoffs. “You have to be shitting me. It is way more than five.”

“Seven?”

She stares pointedly up at him.

“Ten?”

“I’ll settle for ten. Even though it’s more like twelve, thirteen, but…” she squeals when he brings the palms of hands down on her ass in a ringing slap; fingers digging through the fabric of her dress and into the soft flesh. “...I’ll give it to you.”

“Good girl.”

“Where’s the littles? I expected to find you fast asleep with a couple of them on you.”

“Put them to bed.”

“You got all three of them upstairs? A couple trips?”

“I’m no two trip bitch, Esme. I got it done in one shot. Boom.” He flexes his right bicep. “Guns of fucking steel, baby.”

“So sexy,” she praises, and then tilts her face up towards him for another kiss. “I am going to and get out of this dress and take a shower. Want to come with?”

“I do, actually. You go do your thing and I’ll finish things down here and lock everything up.”

“Sounds good,” she chirps, and he presses a chaste peck to her lips. “Don’t be forever okay? I’ve kind of missed you. Even in the carnal way.”

“Isn’t that the best way?”

“Sometimes. The most fun way, that’s for sure.”

“Best way to spend any night of the week if you ask me.” His palm slides down her spine as she steps away; briefly lingering at the small of her back and then passing over her over ass.

“Don’t take too long,” she says, and reaches for his hand as she turns on her heel ; fingertips sliding over long, calloused digits and across the rough, work weary palm. And she shoots him a smile over her shoulder as she heads from the room; those big, dark eyes betraying the sadness, fear and confusion that plague her.

****

“You know what I want to do when we get home?” she asks, as he massages shampoo into her short, dark locks. “One of the first things I want?”

“Other than watching the sunset? And a long sleep in our bed?”

“I want a pink lemonade cupcake from Bitten. And maybe a key lime one too. I miss their cupcakes. If there’s anything in this world that even comes close to being better than sex, it’s their cupcakes.”

“Comes close to being better than sex? Excuse me?”

“Well maybe not sex with YOU. But sex with average lovers. Or just above average. You’re off the chart. In fact you’re so far off the chart, you’ve made an entire chart all of your own. Nothing comes even remotely close to your chart.”

“How many average or above average lovers have you had?”

“We have talked about this...many times...in the past twelve and a bit years. You’re only the fourth guy I’ve ever been with. Actually, you could be considered only the third because number two came before he got inside of me and then cried about it and instead of getting off, I had to console him and his fragile masculinity.”

“Jesus Christ,” he chuckles. “What kind of guys were you used to?”

“Mediocre ones. At best. And then you came along and I totally stepped up my game.”

“I don’t know, Me. I’m not exactly the best catch. I’m kinda...messy.”

“I will not tolerate any of this nonsense. You shit talking yourself. So you’ve got some issues…

“Some?”

“A few. But you’re not messy. Okay, maybe you were a TAD messy when we FIRST met, but you got your shit together quick. Cleaned yourself up.”

“Almost dying and being in a coma for a week and the hospital for three months will do that to you. Wean you off your vices.”

She tilts her head back and frowns up at him. “Here I was thinking you were going to say ‘it’s because I finally had a reason to clean myself up. Someone to get my shit together for.”

“I didn’t think that needed to be said. Isn’t that obvious?”

“Maybe I just like to hear it.”

“Baby…” He leans down and presses a kiss to the tip of her nose. “...you were the only reason I was even alive. Of course I got my shit together for you. I wouldn’t have; had you not been around.”

A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “You know, you always come up with the most immaculate of saves at the most perfect time.”

“Only took me twelve and a half years. I guess I’m a slow learner, huh?”

“I don’t know. You seem to be pretty quick at learning all the right things. And by right things I mean all the sexiest ones.”

“If there’s one thing I DO excel at…”

“Despite what you think of yourself, you excel at MANY things. But you just happen to be a God at things that involve being naked.”

“Well technically, we’re not always COMPLETELY naked. When I get my best ideas.”

“Without pants,” she clarifies. “I mean, they have to come off no matter what.”

“How about we not talk about being without pants?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, husband, we’re not wearing any pants right now.”

“Oh I’ve noticed. I’m just trying not to think of the naughty things that can happen when we’re naked from the waist down. Because this shower…?”

“Not exactly the easiest place to have fun in,” she finishes. “Last time you almost dropped me.”

“In my defence, I slipped. The tiles were slippery. You used too much of that gel shit. The one that smells like watermelon.”

“It’s cucumber and cantaloupe, thank you very much.”

“Whatever it is, you’re not supposed to use the whole bottle at once. Now…” he pecks her lips. “...rinse.”

His hands move through her hair when she bows her head under the full stream of the shower; gently scrubbing at her scalp before his fingers slip through the wet, soapy tresses. Clearing them of any and all evidence of shampoo; enjoying that familiar honey and coconut scent that he first encountered and fallen in love with many years before.

“You know…” she says, as he reaches for the matching conditioner and squeezes some into his palm. “...we didn’t think the whole shower thing through. When we did the renos on this place.”

“I asked you if you wanted me to blow out that one wall. Totally get rid of the sewing room and make the bathroom bigger. Why the hell do we even need a sewing room anyway? I have never...EVER...seen you sew a single damn thing in twelve in a half years.”

“I sewed your arm back up,” she reminds him. “In Dhaka.”

“Honey, I’m not talking about doing patchwork on a human with a needle and dental floss. Have you ever fixed a hole in a pair of jeans? Hemmed a pair of pants? Put a button back on?”

“No,” she admits. “But it doesn’t mean I never will. I could pick up the hobby. And be very good at it.”

“Me, I love you, but you’re not THAT kind of wife. The whole making Halloween costumes and kids clothes? That’s not your thing.”

“I don’t cook well, I can’t reach things on the top shelves or the bottom of the washer, I don’t sew. Just what DO I bring to this whole gig as a wife?”

“Your body has carried SEVEN of my kids. You grew them and you brought them into this world safe and sound. You raise them. Keep them alive. Nurture them.”

“WE do those things. As a team. I’m not a single parent.”

“You’re an amazing mum. You have been right from the beginning. And you’re an awesome wife. You put up with my shit; the job, all my mental crap, my shitty past. I mean, you married a mercenary. A killer for hire. That says a lot right there.”

“Yeah,it says I’m a few bricks short of a load,” she teases, and tips her head back to grin up at him.

“You’ve loved me no matter what. When I had nothing to offer you. When I was fucking mess. You still stuck around. And you stuck around no matter how hard I’ve made things on you.”

“Of course I have. I love you.”

“And that…” he presses a kiss to the bridge of her nose. “...is exactly what you bring to the whole wife thing. It’s more than enough.”

“You’re a sap,” she declares, and winks at him. “I love this side of you. The sweet and sappy side. Even I do have to keep it a secret from the world.”

“One day, Me. One day I promise you that I will let you reveal all my secrets to the world. When I no longer have a rep to maintain.”

“All of them?”

“Every single one.”

“Even about all your sketch books at home? And the blankie you have to have covering your feet at night? Millie’s old receiving blanket?”

“Even those,” he promises.

“Maybe I will do it during your eulogy. That seems like as good a time as any.”

Grinning, he motions for her to step under the stream of water. “Planning my funeral already, are you?”

“Oh,I’ve had it planned for years,” she chides, and then gives a squeal when he lands a backhand on one of the cheeks of her ass. “For your information…” she dips her head under the water; eyes closing as his fingers once more massage at her scalp and clear her hair of the conditioner. “...I planned it for when you’re 99.”

“You couldn’t give me that extra year? That’s harsh.”

“You’re the one who said you didn’t want to make it to triple digits,” she points out, and turns to face him. “I thought I was just living up to your wishes.”

“That’s very kind of you. Very thoughtful.” His fingers move wet strands of hair away from the sides of her face, then clears the remaining suds of shampoo from around her eyes and off her cheeks and nose.

“I always have your best interests at heart,” she chides, standing on her tiptoes as he leans down to kiss her and then reaching for the shampoo. “My turn?” she asks hopefully, and shakes the bottle in front of his face.

“Didn’t we agree on this? I wash my own hair? Unless there’s a reason I can’t.”

“Don’t be so difficult. There’s nothing wrong with me doing these things for you. I WANT to do it. You take care of me, I take care of you. This marriage isn’t a one way street.”

“Esme…”

She drops her chin to chest and stares up at him. “Tyler…”

He’s unable to resist that long; those dark, seemingly innocent eyes surrounded by long, even darker lashes. “Fine,” he relents, and retreats to the lone built-in bench at the back of the shower. “You get your way. As usual.”

“Because you love me.” She uses a set of controls on the side wall to switch the water flow from the rain shower head at her end, to the one on his. “Because you can’t live without me. Admit it.”

“I’ve already admitted that MANY times.”

“We really ARE codependent as fuck.” She squeezes a helping of shampoo into her palm, then begins scrubbing it into his hair.

“We already talked about this. We have perfectly legitimate reasons to be the way we are. We could be worse things, you know. Than co-dependent. We could be serial cheaters.”

“Or serial killers.”

He chuckles. “That just popped into your head? You thought of that because…?”

“Because I have enough rage inside this little body to do some serious damage to a lot of people.”

“Should I sleep with one eye open, or…?”

“You’re not on my list. Why would you be?”

He shrugs in response; eyes closing and his body relaxing as her fingers press into his scalp; deeply and aggressively kneading.

“I can feel the scars,” she remarks. “I bet if you shaved your head right down, you’d have a pretty good road map up there.”

“Want me to do it? Shave it?”

“Nope. I like it this way.” Her nails lightly scratch against his scalp. “Longer version of my favourite haircut on you. Feel good?”

“Feels really good.” His head falls forward; brow resting against her and his hands finding her hips. “Might put me to sleep.”

“Now that I would be a waste of perfectly good nakedness. Rinse.”

Tilting his back, he lets the steady flow of water rid his hair of suds and uses his palms to scrub and clean his beard. When he opens his eyes, her back is towards him and she’s reaching out to place the bottle back on the metal shelves in the corner. And she gives a shriek -followed by giggle- when he curls an arm around her waist and yanks her into his lap. And she presses a kiss to his cheek and adjusts her position; turning sideways and perching herself on his left thigh while her legs dangle over the right.

Her eyes close as she nestles her face into her favourite spot; that warm, safe place between neck and shoulder. And for several minutes, neither of them speak. Both her arms wrapped around his neck; his head resting back against the tiles and a palm repeatedly smoothing up and down her thigh. And she gives a long, breathy sigh when his lips find her shoulder; light and feathery kisses peppered across her collarbone.

“Speaking of being naked…”

Grinning, she pulls back to look at him. “Promise you won’t drop me this time?”

“We can do it differently. You can ride me.”

Her eyes widen and she gives a dramatic gasp. “Twice in one night? Is this second Christmas? I usually don’t get to do that twice a month, never mind twice in one day!”

With a smirk, he tangles his fingers in her hair. His voice rumbling deep in his chest as he growls, “Come here,” and pulls her into a ravenous, aggressive kiss.

*****

He’s the first out of the bathroom. Peeling the towel from around his waist, he uses it to vigorously scrub at his hair and then tosses it in the nearby hamper. He snags a clean pair of sweats from the open suitcase lying in the corner of the room; every piece of clothing that has to return with them to Australia now packed away and ready for departure in four days. He’s anxious to get home; each minute leading him closer to the moment he can sleep in a more familiar bed and feel the sand beneath his feet and between his toes. To the sound of the waves rolling onto the shore and the smell of salt hanging in the hair; the slight rustle of the surrounding trees as a breeze blows through them and the calls and the ‘chatter’ of the wildlife that takes up residence in the woods and upon their stretch of land.

“You going to check on the kids?” Esme calls from the bathroom; her voice drowned out by the hairdryer. “Make sure no one has fallen out of bed. Or sneaking Ipad time when it’s supposed to be night-night time.”

“In a sec.” He rakes both hands through his hair, then reaches for a tube of pain relief cream that sits on the dresser; eyes falling on the plastic bag bearing the name of the bodega that Esme had sat down before stepping into the shower. His curiosity gets the better of him; eyes narrowing and confusion immediately setting in at what greets him when he peers into the bag.

“What did you say?” Esme asks, as she pads into the room; combing her fingers through her now dry hair, clad in an oversized bubblegum pink bathrobe. “I didn’t hear you. Did you check on them or…?”

“I said in a sec. Babe…” he turns to face her, bag in hand. “...what’s this?”

Eyes widening, she briefly -and nervously- chews on her bottom lip. “It’s a pregnancy test.”

"Yeah, I see that. But whose? Why’s it here? Why you’d bring it home? It can’t be yours.”

Her teeth dig even harder into her lip; hands anxiously fidget with the belt on her robe.

“It CAN’T be yours. There’s no way. It’s not possible. How could that even happen? Scientifically, it can’t.”

“Actually it can. Riley said one in two hundred women will get pregnant despite having their tubes tied.”

“Okay, but we doubled up on things. I got fixed too. I mean, there’s no way you got pregnant with both of us getting things done.”

“There’s something called recanalization. It’s where the vas deferens grows back and creates a new connection and causes the vasectomy to reverse itself.”

“Wait…” he gives an awkward, uncomfortable chuckle. “...that’s a thing?”

Esme nods. “And you usually don’t find out it happened until your partner gets pregnant. Years later.”

“THIS many later? We haven’t been using anything for almost five years. Why would it wait until now to happen? Why not before?”

“It’s probably just how long it took. For things to reverse. I mean, I googled it and there were stories of pregnancies happening a decade after a vasectomy, so…”

“Jesus…” He issues a long, heavy exhale of breath and leans back against the dresser; eyes fixated on the bag still in his hands.

Tears well in her eyes. “You’re angry.”

“I’m not angry.”

“That pulsing vein in your neck says you are.”

“I am NOT angry,” he stresses. “Shocked as hell? Confused as fuck? Yeah. But I am not angry. Why would I be angry? I’ve got nothing to be angry about. You really think you are?”

“I think it’s a strong possibility.” She cautiously moves closer to him, then sinks down on the edge of the bed in front of him. “I mean, there’s signs. Things that I’ve felt before. Five times.”

“Like?”

“I’ve been moody, more emotional than usual, hungry constantly. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Yeah, but there’s some good reasons...other reasons than a baby...for those things. I mean, stress will do it. You’ve been stressed. About me, about the holidays in general, your mother, the neighbour, now all this crap with Mark.”

“I was feeling them before all that. Before we even left Australia.”

“How long before?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “A few weeks.”

“A few weeks? You’ve felt like this for a few weeks? What the hell, Esme? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t connect it to maybe being pregnant. I didn’t think it was possible either. I thought maybe it was just peri-menopause. Or I was just feeling rundown and overwhelmed; things have been crazy busy with both businesses and the kids’ after school schedules. I chalked it up to that. And then when you said you were going to do a job, I figured the worry of that just added to everything.”

“You still should have said something. If you weren’t feeling well...for whatever reason…”

“You were caught up in things for the business. It’s been insane lately. There’s been a huge influx of new clients, new hires, big high profile jobs…”

“Yeah, there has been. But you know what? None of that matters. YOU matter. I would have found a way; to deal with that and take care of you.”

“I didn’t need you taking care of me.”

“That seems to be a real theme with you lately. Not needing me.”

“Tyler, don’t even go there. We already fought about that. About me calling Riley that night and not you. And I have apologized a million times. What more do you want from me?”

“Nothing. I don’t want anything from you, Esme. And apparently you don’t want or need anything from me.”

“That is so unfair. And so far from the truth. Don’t do that. Don’t take everything as a slight to you. I didn’t keep it from you to hurt you. I just didn’t think it was anything but stress and being busy and feeling rundown. That’s it. It had nothing to do with not wanting you or needing you. Because I need you in so many ways. And not just as my husband. You know that I want you. And that I need you. In every way.”

Sighing heavily, he tosses the box onto the top of the dresser, then crosses his arms over his chest.

“This has nothing to do with how I feel about you,” she insists. “And I know you taking everything as a personal slight is just part of your trauma and your response to it and…”

“Can we NOT do this?” he interjects. “Can we not go totally off the rails? That doesn’t need to be talked about. That…” he nods down at the box. “...THAT needs to be talked about.”

“You ARE angry.”

“I’m going to GET angry if you keep saying that. I am not angry. I am confused and I’m shocked and I’m wondering how the fuck this kind of thing can happen and…” he sighs, running his palms over his hand. “...do you really think you are?”

“It’s a strong possibility. I mean, I have skipped two periods.”

“Holy fuck…” he shakes his head incredulously. “...this just gets better.”

“You know things have never been normal when it comes to that. How many times have I skipped periods and not been pregnant?”

“How many times have you skipped them and BEEN pregnant?” he counters. “More times than not, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she sheepishly admits. “Look, I get you’re frazzled and you’re confused and you know what? So am I. But getting upset with me…”

“I am not…” he snaps, then briefly closes his eyes and gathers his composure. “...I am not upset with you. It’s just...wow.”

“Just two weeks ago you brought up wanting another one. You talked about how we should both get things reversed and…”

“And we talked about it and we came to the conclusion that I didn’t really want a baby, I was looking for a way to fill the fucking crater that my son left behind when he died. Did we not agree to that?”

She nods, then briefly looks away as she struggles to hold back a flood of tears. “You wouldn’t want it then? If I am?”

“I didn’t say that. I would NEVER say that.”

“I mean, if I am, there’s options. If we’re not in a good place, we don’t…”

“There’s no options. That’s our kid. A life we made together. Just ‘cause the timing sucks and it’s totally unexpected doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want it. Do you think that little of me?”

“No!" she exclaims. " Of course don’t! I love you. You’re the love of my life. You have no idea how I look at you. How I see you. I just assumed the way you’re reacting and the way you’re talking, that maybe you think it's a bad idea.”

“Do I think it’s a great idea? No. Would I want to get rid of a kid I helped make? No. Would I love the kid with everything I have? Yes. Why? You don’t want it?”

“It’s not that I don’t want it. It’s…” she struggles to find the words; hands increasing the intensity and speed at which they fidget with the belt on the bathrobe.

He drops to his knees in front of her; prying her hands away from the terry cloth sash and gripping them tightly. “Tell me. Please.”

She looks up at him. “I love you. More than I ever thought I could love someone. And I love our life together. I never want it to end. I love our family and what we’ve built. And I love being a mom. You know all that, right?”

“I do. I do know all of that.”

“I’m going to be forty two years old; there’s a greater risk of things going wrong as a mother ages. And we’ve had complications with every single one but Millie. Look at TJ and Tanner…”

“That was just a freaky thing that went wrong. It didn’t happen again; with Brookie and Takota. They were fine.”

“I’ve had problems with each pregnancy except for the first. Bleeding and cramping and scare after scare. How many times did we think we’d lose our babies? More times than you can count.”

“But we didn’t lose them.”

“We lost one. And I lost one with Mark.”

“And you had seven perfectly healthy babies. I mean, Tanner had his issues, but got better and now he’s great. He’s the healthiest out of them. Not to mention once you got past the first trimester, things went fine. For all of them. I mean the last two didn’t even want to come out; they liked it so much in there.”

She manages a laugh. “We almost had to forcibly evict them.”

“And look how well you did bringing them into the world. Totally natural. In the water. That was fucking incredible.”

“I guess I’m just worried about losing another one. Because I couldn’t take that, Tyler. And I know you couldn’t either.”

“So based on a totally small percentage of something going wrong, you wouldn’t want a baby? OUR baby?”

“I want it. I’m just scared. Of having one. Especially now. With so much shit going on. All this craziness. It’s not exactly the best time.”

“Have any of them been at the best time? Either when they were conceived or when they were born? They’ve all been tied to bad shit in some way. That seems to be our thing; making babies or having them when shit’s tough.”

“And I’m terrified something will go wrong. Remember with Declan? When they thought maybe he had Down Syndrome?”

“I do. And you know what else I remember? I remember that you and I talked about it...extensively...many times. And that we agreed that if there was something going on with him, it didn’t matter. Because it was our kid and we could handle anything thrown at us. I mean, we even researched the first steps into getting whatever he’d need to thrive and learn. Are you saying now you wouldn’t be able to handle it?”

“I know I’d be able to. And believe me, it doesn’t matter if there are problems. Because that’s my baby. No matter what.”

“But…”

“I just...I don’t know...I just…” she sighs heavily, then clamps her mouth shut.

“Esme, if there is ever a time you need to be one hundred percent completely honest with me, this is it. You need to tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours. I can’t read your mind, babe. Tell me. Please.”

“Even if it might upset you?”

“Even then. You need to tell me. What’s going on? What’s got you so worried and so scared?”

“It’s a lot of work. ANY baby. Even the perfectly healthy ones.”

“I know. I’ve been through this seven times. Eight times if we count Austin. I know what it takes. And you know that I put everything I have into it; being a dad.”

“You do. And you’re awesome at it. The whole daddy thing.”

“So then what are you concerned about? What…?”

“Children with special needs bring a lot to the table. A lot of extra stuff.”

“I know that too. I’m prepared for that.”

“Are you? Prepared for all of that kind of stuff? The amount of time that will be devoted? The possible health issues? The therapies that we'll have to submit them to? The way the other kids will feel animosity towards their sibling? The stress it'll put on our marriage? Are you prepared for ALL that?" ”

“Are you? Are you saying you couldn’t handle it?”

She shakes her head.

“Esme, please. Just tell me.”

“I’m worried that if something is wrong, it’ll get to be too much.” The tears finally fall. “It will be too much to handle and you’ll leave.”

“Baby...hey…come here…”

Dropping her hands, he gathers her into his arms; a hand on the back of her head as she sobs into his shoulders. He knows it’s a mix of things; her battle with her own mental health, her worries surrounding his, the fact her relationship with her mother finally met its drastic and painful end. And now the emergence of her supposedly dead ex husband; a man who’d caused her so much pain and torment and she’d finally gotten rid of.

“It’s okay.” The fingers of one hand gently massage her scalp; the other palm moving in slow, smooth and comforting circles in the middle of her back. “You’re alright.”

“Promise me you won’t leave. If things get really hard. If something IS wrong. Promise me.”

“I’m not taking off. No matter how tough things get. You can’t get rid of me that easily. It’s going to take either you leaving, or death.”

“Well I know I’m not going anywhere and I hope that last one isn't for a very long time.”

Pulling away, he smooths her hair away from her face and then cradles her cheeks in his palms; thumbs brushing away the river of tears. “Esme, I’m not that guy anymore. The one that runs. I haven’t been him in a long time. Because of you. You changed that. You changed ME.”

“I need you. Not just because of this. Or because of Mark. Because of so many things. I can’t do this without you. This life. I just can’t.”

“You don’t have to. I am right here.” Pressing a kiss to her forehead, his lips linger against the soft, warm skin. “I’m not going anywhere, babe. I’m with you until the end. And I hope that’s a hell of a long time away, too.”

“I didn’t mean to accuse you of still being that way. The guy that runs. I didn’t mean…”

“You have every right to worry about that. I’d worry about it too. I totally get it.”

“I’m scared. Of so many things.”

“Well, me taking off shouldn’t be one of those. That’s not going to happen. Everything else? We’ll handle it. Our track record for getting through hard shit is pretty good. I don’t plan on ruining that. Do you?”

She shakes her head.

“You know what I think we should do? Before we have any more of these conversations? I think we should find out for sure. If there IS a baby. I think that’s where we need to start, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” she sniffles, as gentle, calloused fingertips clean up the last of her tears. “I do. Will you stay with me? While I take it? And while I wait.”

“Like I said,” he places a soft, tender kiss on her lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”

#Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction fan fiction #Chris Hemsworth #Tyler Rake x OF #Chris Hemsworth Extraction #Tyler and Esme series #Extraction fan fic #Tyler Rake fan fic

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leejeongz · 4 years

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cravity ideal types- MY OPINION

🔸i decided to not include an empirical height since we don’t know all of their real heights, i just did it in comparison to them so “shorter” or “taller”, i hope this is okay!🔸

*once legal

serim: 1999-2003*

i think serim would like someone who was shorter than him, but still considered quite tall in society, with long legs. someone who also dressed well would match him perfectly. i think he would want someone who took care of their appearance and presented themselves well at all times. he would probably like someone who never really “dressed down” when they were out, saving it only for when the two of them were alone. i get a feeling he finds the alternative aesthetic attractive on others, including piercings (and tattoos possibly).

in terms of their personality, i think serim would look for someone who would stand by him at all times (when justified) yet would challenge him to better himself. i get the feeling that serim always wants to be number 1 and wouldn’t settle for anything else and so someone that gives him that confidence and tells him where to improve without fear would be perfect. i think he would really like someone who was always smiling too, someone who was content with their life even if they weren’t living the lavish lifestyle that they had dreamed, it would make him feel like he should be happy too and would allow him to appreciate the little things in life that maybe others didn’t. oh also, someone with god tier playlist hehe.

allen: 1999-2004*

i think allen would want someone who was a similar height to him, maybe a little shorter but he wouldn’t mind, with an athletic build. i feel like he would adore someone who wore a natural look most of the time and appeared quite youthful in their looks. the clothes that they wear wouldn’t really have any effect of allen but seeing someone in colourful clothing would make him subconsciously very happy. i see him with someone who has big eyes and big lips, quite like himself, with pale skin and light hair, shoulder length or shorter. idk why but i think he’d find tattoos kinda hot and would love to learn about their meanings when he was alone with that person.

personality wise, i think allen would want someone who was a little flirtatious and playful, but only to him. he radiates playful energy himself so someone who was also like that would compliment his personality really well, especially when the two of them were alone. i don’t think he would like someone with no goals and no ambitions, i feel he would want to be inspired by his s/o and so they really need to be driven and determined to reach their own goal, whatever that may be. allen would probably find it really cute if they saved a part of themselves for his eyes only, for example if they acted tough in front of others but were actually really sensitive and in touch with their emotions behind closed doors.

jungmo: 1999-2003*

i don’t think that jungmo would take height into consideration when finding an s/o, but the idea of him with someone taller is so cute in my mind ahhh. i think he would like someone with beauty that is unique but can still be appreciated if that makes sense. he would want the right amount of cute and the right amount of hot in a person, just like himself, but would maybe only reveal one of those things to other people, leaving the other one just for him. hair wise, i think he would like someone with long brown hair that he can play with. i don’t really think he would fall for someone based on looks alone and would probably weigh it wayyy more on personality and attitudes.

like i mentioned before, i think someone with duality would make this boy w e a k. he would appreciate someone with a kind heart but a sharp tongue, someone that wouldn’t be afraid to call someone out on their bs. their humour would be what attracts him the most though, his partner must have a sense of humour that compliments his or else he would feel restricted in what he says or does. i get vibes from him that he is a good listener, so i think he needs someone to talk to too sometimes, someone who could also offer him sensible advice when he needs it. cooking for him is probably the way to his heart and so he would want someone that knows their way around a kitchen.

woobin: 2001-2005*

i sense woobin would want an s/o who understands him and his values and has a similar mindset to him, it would make communication easier and neither of you would be afraid to overstep any boundaries. i think he would want someone who knows what they want but isn’t afraid of making mistakes along the way, mistakes that they could both learn from together. someone who could show him new things would really spark his interest, he’d want to know more about your passions, especially if they were something he wasn’t too knowledgeable on. learning, to him, is an important part of a relationship and he sees it as quite an intimate aspect.

height wise, i see woobin with someone taller than him, whether that’s a lot or a little, he doesn’t really care. body type isn’t something he cares about either, nor the length of their hair, however, i do think he has a soft spot for mousy brown hair. i don’t really know how to explain this but i think he would like someone who wears neutral colours or house colours that compliments their skin tone, whatever that may be. probably likes people who overdress for every occasion and are a little out there with the style of clothes since the colours aren’t that bold. someone that looks put together is what he finds really attractive and makes him immediately want to learn more about them.

wonjin: 1999-2003*

i don’t think wonjin would be fussy and wouldn’t have a specific type, instead just going off vibes and the connection he has with the person. because of that, i think someone with a similar mindset would match him well since he feels like he can actually converse with them naturally. i think he’s quite an open minded person and so he wouldn’t care for cultural differences and would love to learn things about the other person’s culture. of course, since he loves to be funny and have a laugh, someone uptight wouldn’t be a great match for him and so he would love it if they could be their goofy selves in front of him. honestly probably just wants someone to vibe with more than anything.

height wise, i think he’d look good with someone shorter than him, it would probably make him feel most comfortable- like i said in a previous post, i think he would like to take the lead in a relationship and would prefer more of a “traditional” relationship. i think he would take an interest in the person’s clothing and would judge someone quite quickly off of their fashion, but is always open to changing his opinion on them. dressing well isn’t necessarily something he looks for, instead someone who is brave with their clothing choices and can pull it off. probably likes people who have their nails done, especially when they do it themselves and they aren’t really long.

minhee: 2002-2005*

since he’s an absolute g i a n t, i think he would struggle to feel comfortable physically (sharing a bed, cuddling etc) with someone taller or the same height, and so he would therefore like someone shorter (probably without even realising his reasoning lmao). not to mention he would find it insanely cute and would be his favourite topic of conversation. i think he would like someone with long, light brown hair, which is a lil bit wavy, and would find it very attractive if their eye colour was the same as their hair. he would really like it if they had an interest in fashion and could give him tips on how to make his outfits better.

i think he would like someone academically clever, always achieving good grades and reading in their spare time who could help him study sometimes and keep him motivated, but was also a little bit of a scatter brain. would probably fall for the “class president who everyone actually liked” type of person. someone who didn’t think too much into things unless they were really important would make minhee slightly intrigued. he would find it funny hearing their questionable thought processes but could also understand where they were coming from because he is also chaotic asf. little moments like those made him feel closer to that person and made him fall more in love with them.

hyeongjun: 2001-2003*

okay so, hyeongjun wants to be babied, that’s for certain. i think he’d love a person that was quite motherly, the mum of the group for sure. he’d really admire it if they could help him with things that he struggled with, even if that meant going out of their comfort zone just for him, it would allow him to trust them more. i think he’d be best with an extrovert. at the times when hyeongjun might shy away from things, he would be thankful of someone who could push him forward and make him do things that he might regret not doing later on. since he is sensitive himself, someone who wasn’t sensitive at all might intimidate him and he might feel pressured into acting okay when he isn’t and so i think someone sensitive, like himself, might be more suited to him.

his ideal height for an s/o would probably be shorter, someone who fit the “cute and bubbly” stereotype, while still having some more mature features. i think he would want someone with chubby cheeks and plump lips, both with a pink tint that was more than the average person’s. i don’t think he’d mind about the colour of hair, he might find shorter hair kinda cute tho. i think he would like someone who wore a lot of pastel colours and simple clothes, just like jeans and a tshirts. i think he would prefer someone more feminine.

taeyoung: 2003-2005*

his worst nightmare would probably be having an s/o who was really introverted and serious and so i think he would like someone carefree and just happy, ya know? he would like it if they were optimistic on every occasion and weren’t that cautious about new things, a risk taker. his ideal partner would be described as fun, simply put, there would be nothing that they wouldn’t try. he would appreciate some sarcasm, just to spice things up. for him i think it would be ideal if there was nothing he couldn’t joke about with them (idk i just get a dark humour vibe from him lmao) so he wouldn’t constantly be worried about what he was saying. obviously, it would be preferable if they had an idea about their future, but i think taeyoung would find it admirable if they were adaptable to any career and he would be supportive of whatever they chose.

in terms of height, i don’t think he would mind too much, perhaps preferring someone his height or a little taller. he would like it if they experimented with their looks, whether that be through their hair, their outfits, their make up, their accessories or all of the above, making them look different from the average joe. i’m not saying taeyoung has a thing for hands, but i think he would notice someone’s hands first and would make a judgement from this. he doesn’t strike me as someone who really cares for their appearance and would more likely fall for someone solely for their personality.

seongmin: 2002-2004*

i think he would like someone with a balanced mix of feminine and masculine, someone to compliment his mix of both (does that make sense? probably not). i see him being happiest with someone who is quite shy like himself but not exactly introverted. like they would still rather go out than stay at home to have fun but it would only be the two of them most of the time. he wouldn’t want them to be AS shy as him though because how else would he talk to them? i think he would like it if they were more sensitive than him and weren’t afraid to show their emotions, and at the same time made him feel comfortable about showing his emotions. at the end of the day, he just wants someone who accepts him for who he is without trying to change him in a way that he doesn’t want to, he wants to develop into a better person during a relationship.

seongmin having a smaller s/o would be so freaking cute like he could baby them and a g h so yea i think someone smaller would suit him well! i’d say he likes someone with black hair, maybe dyed underneath like a bright pink or blue or something (that’s a thing, right?), i think he’d find that so cool. i think the first thing he notices about someone is their smile and would like to see that person smiling like all the time. someone who radiates cute energy would make seongmin feel so weak he’d have no choice but to fall in love with them.

#cravity #cravity ideal type #cravity imagines #serim #allen #jungmo #woobin #wonjin #minhee #hyeongjun #taeyoung #seongmin

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padme-amitabha · 3 years

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All I wanted is for Luke to see Force ghost Anakin again and then Luke and Leia to visit to Naboo so they know about Padme in the sequels. But nooo cuz Dis/ney wants to please the toxic masculine audience, so they ignore the prequels. I'm just so BITTER rn.

Yeah that was terrible. Reminds me of a clip I saw where Anakin’s force ghost was originally in TLJ instead of Yoda. Now while they did Hayden dirty by deleting his scene at the last moment, I’m personally glad they didn’t keep the scene for different reasons. Sorry because this turned out to be a rant.

Apparently Anakin’s ghost was supposed to take Yoda’s place in TLJ but Rian felt Luke’s connection was with Vader not Anakin so Yoda saying would be more impactful since he was Luke’s teacher. For once I have to agree with him. Putting Yoda in this scene was much better than bringing back Anakin. Anakin telling Luke not to leave Jedi order would be such a hypocritical thing to say considering he himself planned to leave the order himself once. I don’t really think he would have been in any position to lecture Luke on failing people.

Seeing Anakin act like Yoda/Obi-Wan would make no sense to make. Anakin was not a perfect Jedi or a perfect Sith. The Jedi were right in one sense that Anakin was not worthy of being a master yet. He was still hot headed and dangerously unstable as he would later prove to be. He really wasn’t ready. He didn’t have the other masters’ wisdom. BUT when he died Jedi chose to accept him back despite his mistakes. Because after he lived his whole life he as an old man IS worthy of being a Jedi master that’s why when he stands with Yoda and old Ben he no longer feels out of place. He earned it after a life on both sides of the force and being mature enough to realize his mistakes, repent for it and learn to forgive himself too. I think that’s true wisdom - something Luke learned quickly but Anakin learned much later. I really believe that’s why he didn’t go to force hell like other Sith Lords. Which is also why I feel Anakin’s young force ghost reduces his character depth because it implies Vader was not Anakin and also I feel his arc was incomplete in ROTS because he still had so much flaws and so much more to realize.

Honestly I think if Luke met him later after Kyle or maybe Jacen let him down and he was frustrated and on exile and asked for Anakin’s guidance, Anakin would just smile at him and be supportive of Luke’s decisiom. I don’t think he would be a hypocrite and act like he’s Yoda all of a sudden or excuse his grandson for dark deeds. He would have been a true neutral. And stay out of it all. Because he knows both sides and neither saint. That’s what I believe anyway. He would have been the supporting father he himself never had and desperately wanted in his lifetime and be that because he couldn’t be for Luke in his lifetime. I think Anakin’s biggest role in Luke’s life as a ghost would be as the father figure and a confidant. Not an IDOL and not an enemy. Just his dad. Because Luke idiolized his father and realized he was no saint in ESB but again realized he’s just as human as anyone else in ROTJ.

Why would Anakin vouch for the Jedi after they technically ruined his early life? By that, I mean with it’s lifestyle and code. For whatever reasons his grandson turned he would relate in one sense as to WHY they might leave or hate Jedi. But also realize being in the dark is no true solution either as he himself saw and that it makes you more miserable. So he would have been the best neutral figure tbh. Episode 6 is called Return of the Jedi and yeah Anakin a Jedi again in a sense he was not in force hell but I think still possible to stay neutral.

He would have a good life if he stopped using force altogether and lived normal life and that would’ve suited him. Maybe it wouldn’t be satisfying because of his desire for glory and adventure and ambition but a happier life. Pretty sure as a ghost he would see that too. So Anakin supporting the Jedi makes no sense. Like why would he just forget they were okay with letting Padmé (and his mom) die? Anakin may be “good” again but he ain’t gonna stop loving them or kids right? So it makes no sense. Anakin would always choose love over the Jedi and Sith. The Jedi didn’t save him nor did the Sith - it was love that saved him.

Still, I think if Luke ever needed assistance from the force ghosts he had Yoda and Obi-Wan. I honestly think Anakin would just smile at him and wish him well but stay out of it all as I feel he would have enough of using the Force for a lifetime. He had completed his destiny as the Chosen One - probably the reason why he was conceived by the Force in the first place. I’m sure Luke would have understood too. Just let him live ffs.

In any case, I think using force ghosts to fight Palpatine is stupid. Where were Obi Wan and Yoda then when Luke and Vader were dueling in ROTJ? Why couldn’t they just stop by so they could help fight Palpatine?? I think force ghost abilities should be limited to giving advice to other force users. They shouldn’t HAVE powers. Their lives are done and as Qui-Gon said they can retain their consciousness after death. That’s it. They are dead and should be powerless but wise and experienced enough to guide a new generation as people.

The idea that Anakin would be “Team Jedi” all over again sounds terrible to me. Has he learned NOTHING from his own lifetime? The Jedi made him feel trapped and forced him to go insane. The Sith made him miserable and filled him with self hatred and misery. Why would he pick any side when both sides were cruel to him?

#ask #anakin skywalker #luke skywalker

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 years

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so i am finally forcing myself to conclude my magicians rewatch with the last two episodes of s4, out of some combination of completionism/masochism/truly could not even process where everything was leaving off plot-wise the first time through, and i KNOW that i am UNFASHIONABLY LATE to the party of being mad about the magicians s4, but this is as it has always been a blog for whatever it is i cannot stop screaming about, so, some screaming re: not necessarily objectively the worst but the things that make me, personally, most enraged about the worst hour and a half of television i have watched in my life:

-before we even get in here, there’s just so much about… the entire show and especially this season… that makes no sense if the way it ends is Quentin Dies, so above all i am mad because this show tricked me into thinking that it was complex rather than incoherent. even setting aside the queliot of it all (which LOL), why have the entire conflict about quentin going to blackspire if you’re then going to double down on his sacrificial impulse a season later? why have him say he hopes to be a dad someday - a very tender and meaningful thing to come from a character who started the series unable to imagine even wanting a future for himself, whose deepest fears as surfaced by the mind prison back in S1 involve being unable to live independently and hurting his family, which shows such an evolution in how he sees himself and what he believes himself capable of - only to kill him 5 episodes later? is it literally just to make it hurt worse?

-so much is infuriating because it is ALMOST good! there’s ALMOST a very interesting and evocative metaphor about how the magic martin chatwin used to torture plover relentlessly keeps him alive in the poison room, something that hearkens back to eliot’s observation way back that he had all that power and still couldn’t stop thinking about the room where it happened. but then it’s all thrown in with plover of all people delivering all this shit about how people can change but no one will let you which is just, why? why would you put that idea in his mouth? what are you trying to say here?

-quentin looks EXTREMELY hot in an unzipped black sadness hoodie, very tony stark in iron man 3 vibes. this is oppressive to me. quentin should not look this hot while having to engage with such nonsense!

-the fish… the fucking fish… why would you specifically write that joshfish needs eye contact from a character who can pop out her own eye… and then use that to sideline margo from saving the most important person in her life… WHY

-alice giving margo relationship advice COULD be amazing but IS stupid because it’s the second time this season that a female character is like, “maybe i AM too much of an idiot to identify my own feelings until someone else points them out to me,” also because of the fish thing

-the alice/quentin romantic reunion… i don’t know. i don’t know what to fucking do with this. i think it is the second most infuriating thing to me, after quentin’s death, because it feels so regressive for both characters? why is alice getting back with her boyfriend of 3 years ago when her arc this season seemed to be about learning to live with her past without being trapped by it? what of eating gummy bears in modesto? it could have been a very beautiful moment for BOTH these characters who are so pathologically haunted by regret to reach a level of maturity and care that allowed them to say, we both love each other deeply and want to be a part of each other’s lives, but not the way we meant that three years ago, in a new way as careful deliberate friends which we’ve never really had a chance to be. and instead it is… the least romantic romantic scene in the history of television?

-there is so much i cannot make heads or tails of in the decisions around quentin in these two episodes and this is like top of the list, honestly. how the fuck are we supposed to read quentin’s decision to get back together with alice? because the explanation that makes sense is that he is traumatized out of his mind and extremely depressed and 2 out of the 3 most important people in her life are possessed by omnipotent god creatures maybe forever and ultimately yes he DOES love alice and he DOES trust her and no part of him is capable of engaging with anything like romantic feelings right now but he’s kind of like, well, you know what, why not. why not, if i feel like complete garbage and my best friend/unresolved former life partner love interest situation are probably going to die (especially since julia going goddess was like one of the closest things they still had to hope for beating the monster, as stated by julia herself in the previous episode!), just get back with my ex i don’t hate anymore. she’s into it, she’s here, maybe that will make me feel better. and what makes me feel like i have swallowed horse tranquilizers is that THAT IS FULLY HOW JASON RALPH PLAYS THIS SCENE???? we have seen quentin in the throes of actual love and desire, with both alice and eliot! IT DOESN’T LOOK AT ALL LIKE THIS! but that interpretation only makes sense if at some point later you are going to unpack it and undo it, which you can’t do… if he’s… dead. so: ??????????

-when alice floats the possibility that quentin has maybe managed to forgive himself, which is a bonkers thing to even be in the script at this point like that is always on some level relevant for quentin but so not in the top hundred concerns relating to the actual situation at hand broadly or on the alice/quentin level, nothing about quentin’s response says the answer is yes??? he takes this heartbreaking shuddering breath and dodges the question??? again, congruent with a reading where he is getting back with his ex out of intense depressed person logic but not remotely squarable with “and then he dies emotionally resolved”??? what are you trying to communicate to us insane writers/brilliant actor jason ralph i DON’T UNDERSTAND

-everyone else TELLING quentin he still loves fillory… let my son whomst is about to die have agency to define his own fucking feelings!!!!! also, bonus bananas reason to sideline margo with babysitting fish josh: of all the characters on this dumb show i think she is like fully the only one we could argue still loves fillory!!!

-there is so much wasted potential in the monster… honestly i can’t even go there in delineating all of it. so much evocative shit is thrown out (and hale appleman gives such a weird fun sad gross strange complicated performance) and then nothing ever means anything.

-again: there’s ALMOST something great in the idea alice and quentin toss back and forth that growing up doesn’t have to mean discarding everything about who you were before. there’s ALMOST an idea there which circles all the way back to the very first episode of the show, where quentin decides that his problem is not that he is depressed and sad and scared but that he needs to grow up and grow out of the person that he is. but what is the show trying to say in having his girlfriend from 3 years ago tell him this? why, again, if their rekindled relationship is supposed to be legible as real, does he spend the entire interaction looking like he wants to, uh, die? WHY does the show have alice echo back to quentin a sentiment about himself (that it’s beautiful that he really believes in things) that was last heard FROM MARGO, RIGHT BEFORE QUENTIN BLEW UP HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ALICE BY HOOKING UP WITH HER?

-why… would you have… your beautiful sad depresso bean… express out loud the sentence, “if this couldn’t make me happy, then what would?”... and then kill him 40 minutes later and try to swear up and down these two things are unconnected. why. why would you have this moment of the despair of confronting the fundamental randomness of the universe, of being forced to abandon the quest to find meaning outside yourself, and follow that up with, um, literally anything other than the realization that meaning comes from within, can only be determined by the self, etc. why is that not the particular strain of wisdom quentin has spent four years building towards? especially given the occasional glimpses of it he’s previously had? (sometimes it is good merely to eat bacon and touch hands; the fuckin mosaic timeline) why don’t we go from the idea of fillory saved my life to my own capacity for belief saved my life, i saved my own fucking life, that’s a goddamn power i can take with me anywhere? or like, EVEN the fact that the fillory-flower decides that loving the idea of fillory IS enough, there’s… places to go with that, with the idea that things are what we make of them, we are the ones who make things matter or not… but no. now we can drink magic kool-aid and die stupidly. that’s the payoff.

-jason ralph of course acts the absolute shit out of this scene which makes it even more insulting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how dare you use his beautiful face, the most expressive face in the history of faces, to go there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-i cannot believe there is so much bad television still to go after this

-do they have penny23 state out loud “it should be her choice” to make it feel like it’s okay for him to then go and make that choice?

-kady stating out loud that all she wanted to be penny’s girlfriend is… one of the most hateful things i have ever seen on television

-the fact that margo is in the mood for making out while things are at a critical point in Operation Save Eliot… hateful!

-julia immediately backing down from “fuck you for ending the 5 minutes of bodily autonomy i get every season” to “let me make moon-eyes at you”... H A T E F U L

-IN GENERAL, the hideousness with which every single fucking female main is treated in these two episodes is loathsome because it has forced me to finally understand the goddamn g*me of thr*nes people… for years i watched them be like, “yes, very much rape all the time, but sansa is so hardcore!” and just shook my head pityingly… but i too was fooled. i too was fucking bamboozled into genuinely loving 4 imaginary women that the show refuses to grant bodily autonomy or basic dignity or full personhood. sorry sansa people. i judged you too harshly this whole time.

-i mostly don’t hate josh or margo/josh but josh explaining to quentin why margo is mad makes me want to commit an act of physical violence

-there is SOME OTHER UNIVERSE with SOME OTHER SEASON 4 where the finale culminating in a celebration of the power of collaborative magic is very interesting and moving and thematically relevant. i would have LOVED to watch that season.

-why do we get to see the monster appreciating the beauty of the world 30 seconds before he dies? what is the point of this, other than to taunt us about what the monster could have been?

-everyone has said this 500 times but i will say it a 501st: it is literally unbelievable that quentin betrays no reaction whatsoever to eliot being monster-free.

-why the fuck is the scene in the seam staged the way it is!!! why does quentin take 800 years to throw the fucking bottles in!!!! why does his death look like a music video from 2004.

-to identify quentin as having the most beautiful and thematically lovely discipline possible and then two episodes later turn it into a snappy one-liner to usher in the worst thing i’ve ever seen on a television program…. haaaaaaaaate

-i can’t even be coherent about this scene between quentin and pod person penny except to REITERATE that it should be ILLEGAL for someone to give a performance THIS GOOD for writing THIS BAD

-wait i do have one thing to say which is re: “then i found brakebills, and all that went away” - enraging to me personally BECAUSE: the exact moment i fell in love with this dumb show was the closing of season 1, episode 6, the secrets magic in the trials, the moment the show careened away from the narrative it had been selling apparently straightforwardly for its first half-season - that quentin was only sad and sick because he didn’t know who he was, that after all his pain came from in fact being from secretly more special than everyone else - by laying out bare what was very, very evident in quentin’s actual behavior and temperament, which was that in fact brakebills hadn’t fixed him, in fact he had come to brakebills and remained exactly who he was, “this person that i fucking hate.” that was so true, and wise, and real, and felt like something really special that i hadn’t ever seen articulated quite so clearly and poignantly. so… to directly contradict that amazing moment of self-awareness and honesty and vulnerability… HATE

-not even gonna talk about this dumb fire scene except that scoring it to a song that includes the line “slowly learning that life is okay” is very very evil

-and, once again, julia echoing quentin’s card trick from the pilot could be really beautiful… in literally any other fucking context!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-in conclusion: HATE

#the magicians #the magicians negative #? is that the fandom etiquette... it's been a while

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paperdoe · 4 years

Text

Char facts

Stolen from deviantart

1) What's their FULL NAME (First, middle(s), last)

Ehhh elves go by father, mother, and espesse (given name)

So in that order. Halordin Telphindor Daerhovan (He mainly goes by his espesse)

2) Do they have siblings? if so what are their names/ages

4. Haldor is 1800, Heledirnien (N/A) and the twins Losseneth and Lossenduin are both 1200.

3) What were they like in their elementary, middle and high school phases?

.Seeing as those terms don’t exist in Middle Earth, i’ll break it down by age.

1-200

Extremely sheltered and curious. Drove his mother and mentors insane with how many times he’d try to get to Forbidden Places. Wanted to know how everything worked and why and then how why those things worked functioned the way they did. Hyper focused on the natural world, natural history, and the history of his and other free peoples. Read voraciously when he wasn’t trying to sneak away.

200-700

Young and inexperienced in the works of his calling. Often rash when it comes to making difficult or time sensitive decisions. In isolation for most of his early centuries in his desire for knowledge. Sought to learn more of the world and traveled far and wide. Developed deeper relationships with people more than animals as his business lead him out of isolation. His resolve to save what he loved strengthened from nearly world ending events.

700-8,000

Preserves his love for his interests throughout his lifetime. Very diligent in his duties as a naturalist until the later years of his life when he becomes deeply depressed from the loss of everyone he’s ever loved or befriended and the changes to the world. Gets a little better near the end, but finally feels that it’s time to move on, and fades into the west.

4) What is their hometown?

Caras-Galadhon. better known as Lothlorien.

5) Did they go to college? If so what for? and did they graduate?

While I love the idea of universities in Middle Earth, Daerhovan was mentored by various independent teachers throughout his early life. Most notably Orthir of Lothlorien, Arasdir (brother in law who taught him much about botany) and Radagast the Brown.

6) Are they married, single, in a relationship, or crushing on someone who has no idea?

Daerhovan gets married to a dwarrowdam, Badari of Erebor during his lifetime. Before then sheer curiosity of romance led him to dalliance with two others. A widow from Rohan and another elven man he grew up with. (Though it never really escalated to sex with the latter two.)

7) Don't be shy tell us their name~

I DONE DID

8) How do they get along with that person?

Rather well I imagine since they spend the rest of Badari’s life together. Perhaps there was a bit of intimidation on Daerhovan’s side at first as he wasn’t used to dealing with people with a fiery demeanor. Never mind dwarves in general.

9) What's your favorite canon moment that's happened and no one else knows about?

During one of his early attempts at trying to understand the natural world, tried calming down a maddened huorn. The huorn lashed a root at him in it’s rage and sliced him from pectoral to navel, leaving behind a ghastly scar that took centuries to completely heal. he was saved by Radagast the Brown before he could bleed out. He doesn’t talk about the incident out of sheer embarrassment. But it did teach him a hard lesson about the reach and influence of evil in nature. And being with Radagast during his healing taught him most of what he knows later in life.

10) Do they have kids? Do they want kids?

.Badari and he don’t have kids and to be honest I don’t think Daerhovan would want any. They tend to make him nervous and unsure, and whatever paternal instincts he has are for baby animals. He doesn’t mind baby-sitting for close friends and family most of the time though.

11) What do they currently do?

.Oof currently? I’m gonna take currently as in the current timeline of Lord of the Rings Online (Where he was first born as an OC) Which is some months after Sauron’s defeat (Or is it weeks? lol)

What i’ve described earlier really. He’s a herbalist, naturalist, forest warden, and anthropologist. And anything that’s related. (And Gandalf’s errand boy apparently)

12) Do they have a job outside of that?

What was listed above is his lifestyle really. I’ll say that before then in his teenage years he was a grape vine tender and assistant scholar of the trees of Lothlorien.

13) How do they entertain themselves?

Reviewing past notes, reading. horse/elk back riding. Swimming. Likes to have his hands occupied.

14) What's their biggest fear?

Losing those he loves, drastic change, places he holds in his heart becoming lost to time or by machine, losing his will to live.

15) How do other people see them? does this affect them or do they brush it off?

Depends. Within his own kind among the Galladhrim he’s viewed as a novelty and trouble maker because of his circumstances (The way his father and brother were killed, his mothers extreme efforts to keep him safe which lead to his wild escapeds, made for some hot gossip) He didn’t like the attention on him and his family, and this was probably a catalyst that lead to him becoming enamored with places beyond The Golden Wood. If only to get away for a bit.

With other races they’d probably be a bit put off by his lack of social skills and tendency to info dump. This hurts a little, but trees are great listeners at least.

16) Do they have exes? if so what's their name, what happened </3

Can’t really be called an ex if they weren’t official in the first place?

17) Do they have a strong relationship with their parents?

More like a tenuous unconditional love if that can make sense. he never knew his father that well. And his mothers extreme efforts to shelter him made him somewhat embittered.

18) how often do they see them?

Once or twice a year when she still dwelled in Middle Earth. And then not for a very, very long time until after he faded and was reborn in Valinor.

19) Why did they not go to bed until 4 am??

.What is sleep to an elf.

20) Can they do tricks??

He’s acrobatic?

21) Are they pretty much the same through the stages (toddler-adult) or have they gotten more mature? less mature? etc.

I like the thought of him retaining his playfulness and childlike curiosity throughout most of his life.

22) Do they have a phobia?

Being deep below the ground and the nameless things that gnaw at the earth. Moria was fine but perhaps the catalyst to the fear that would grow overtime as the dwarves and nameless would clash more often.

23) What's their favorite animal

Lynxes and forest elk.

24) What's in their fridge. you heard me.

No fridge here! He’ll eat nice smelling flowers occasionally. Roses are his favorite....and he wonders why people look at him strangely. Normal people food wise, he’d have berries. So many berries.

25) Give us a secret~

He can’t hear or feel the pull of Valinor from the cries of the gulls or the sea.

26) How would they react to a random confession text from their crush? :eyes:

Bear with me and pretend phones exist for him for the moment. Furious blushing, finger twiddling, curling up in fetal position.

27) What do they fear losing the most?

I mentioned it above alreadyyyy

28) What was their worst injury as of now?

ALSO MENTIONED

29) Which of their parents do you think they take after more, in looks, personality or both

His mother Gaelwen. inherited her silverish hair (She’s a descendant from prominent Sindar from lost Belariand) and paler skin.

re on their deathbed who would they want by their side? (Can have 3 and only 3!)

Badari, Mallovorel (best elven friend and like a sister) and Losseneth (His fav bio sister)

anyone else who wants to do this feel free. just say i tagged you ;)

#oc meme #daerhovan #anyone else who feels like doing this feel free! just say i tagged you ;)

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365daysofmchart · 5 years

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Reflecting on McHart: 3x01

Long time no see! But just thought I’d make some little (as it turns out) incredibly lengthy remarks about McHart-related things that stood out to me in the season 3 premiere of The Good Fight! May or may not do more of these throughout the season--let me know if you’re feelin’ it. Obviously 3x01 spoilers below!

1. Them holding hands, (and her leg slung over him which we couldn’t really see in the scene but did in the promo) and THAT CHIN GRAB, and him indulging her, oh my! (BUT WHY WOULD HE TEMPT FATE LIKE THAT SAYING “WHAT COULD GO WRONG?” DAMN IT, KURT!)

2. I had been planning to make a clever remark about how I had so been looking forward to seeing what a home/bedroom that was truly both of theirs would look like... and then (once seeing it in the promo/promo pics) that apparently it looks exactly like a Diane bedroom, lol (which is sweet in it’s own right too, I suppose, him just letting her run with it... or perhaps her insisting they do it together but then she vetos like 95% of his ideas so then he just gives up). But then I saw the gun case with more than a dozen firearms in it so actually a Diane/Kurt bedroom seems to be a Diane bedroom with an abundance of guns. ...Which honestly kind of surprises me, especially given that they’re not really locked away. Wondering how those negotiations went between the two of them. ...Are the guns in the bedroom going to become relevant in a later episode??? So many questions.

But anyway, further on their bedroom, THAT THING IS FREAKING MASSIVE. I know that they want it to function as sort of a catch-all space for the season so that they can get away with shooting every single McHart home scene in that one space and so it has to serve a lot of functions, but good lord, I think an entire apartment could fit in there? And HOW MUCH SEATING DO THEY NEED? They’ve got enough for--no exaggeration--more than ten in there. That’s insane. Are they planning to have a freaking soiree in there??? HA! ...It is gorgeous though, props to Beth!

3. The domesticity of their morning! He’s shaving (with a shaving brush OF COURSE and probably a straight razor) in a towel in the bathroom and her unpacking his stuff as they talk (or holler, rather) back and forth, just kind of hanging out while doing their own things to get ready for the day. THEY’RE MARRIED. My heart! 4. Diane’s increased knowledge of his guns and his preferences despite the fact that he has probably like 50 of them. How much time does he spend talking about guns and she sits there and lets him and listens, probably mostly because she just loves watching him in his element... and also because THEY’RE MARRIED and idk, I guess you do stuff like listening to your spouse talk about things you’re maybe not totally into when you’re married?

5. He called her (at work vs. her cell) while she was on her way to work, after she had just left him, but we never find out why. WHY???

6.HER HELPING HIM PACK. Ans it’s because she “saw airplane tickets on our account.” On “OUR ACCOUNT.” Something tells me they hadn’t merged much of anything before (including their lives), but they have now and it warms my heart!

7. I actually love the way they handled the hairs/her suspicions.To start with, I think it’s natural that after everything, even if they have moved forward and are starting over, even if she has worked though everything and trusts him, I think it’s perfectly realistic that certain feelings might creep up given certain circumstances. Of course exploring this in the show could’ve easily gotten into “drama for the sake of drama” territory and been incredibly messy and destructive, but it wasn’t.

She wasn’t looking for reasons to be jealous, wasn’t looking to catch him in a trap--they honestly were “just there.” She then handled it so well, asking him reasonable questions, went on with her day, then maturely confronted him about it at home that night. (And honestly, I don’t think she actually thought he cheated, just that he was hiding something perhaps a little less than seemly that had to do with one of his “Fox blonds.”) And then when she does approach him about it, she starts by telling him she loves him! She’s diving into this situation knowing it could be messy/hurtful but wants to preface with an “I love you” cause they are so IN THIS. Oh, also, ya know, he was being dishonest with her/lying to her, so her suspicions were totally valid. ...And on that note, DID KURT REALLY NOT LEARN HIS LESSON ON BEING HONEST WITH HER?!?!? Like he’s the most honest guy with literally e-ver-y-one else... but his wife. I think it just comes from loving her and not wanting to upset/hurt/lose her, but COME ON, MAN.

8. “I’m being paid. I don’t have a job, I’m hiring myself out...” “They pay me, Diane; it’s money. I’m not doing it because I like them!” “I’m being paid! I’m working!” That. Job. Though. His excuses are such a cop out because they obviously don’t need the money by any means. But I think it really speaks to Kurt and his pride--he loves his wife dearly, loves her strength, will always support her and is genuinely okay with her being the primary breadwinner. ...But he also still feels the need to pull his weight--to have a purpose and to contribute something financially. To “be a man.” (But again, as much as he may feel the need to play a traditional male gender role, he also has zero expectations that Diane do the same!) Because he could always volunteer in some way, take on smaller jobs, wait for the right long-term, paying position... but he’s taken that one. Because pride (which apparently trumps integrity? LOL!). (Throwback to season 2 of TGW!) Oh, Kurt... BUT ALSO SHE SEEMS TO GET THAT, because yes, she’s definitely upset about it and judges him for it, but she doesn’t even begin to try to talk him out of it, just, “Nope, you’re right. You have to do what you have to do.” She knows it’s important to him and respects that it’s something he feels he has to do! (They’ve come so far from 5x06!) As he respects that she has to do what she has to do. Like she just walks out on some kind of vague mission and he just stands there, a little confused, but like, “...Okay? Well, you do you, I guess. I’ll be here.”

9. THEIR TEASING, I LOVE IT SO MUUUUUCH. Honestly it’s been so long since we’ve seen them relaxed and playful together that it almost felt out of character for Diane for a hot minute and then I thought back and was like, “oh yeah, never mind, this is just what they’re like together when they’re not being put through the wringer by the writers!” Gasp! ...But like oh my God, they’re so freaking cute and yes please I’ll take more wise-cracking-sarcastic-sasshole Diane EVERY EPISODE, PLEASE!!! And let’s be honest, Kurt loves it. He looks at her with heart eyes and that little smirk that he can’t quite master because he’s just so in love with her even especially when she teases him. But then “Come on, come on. A little hug, please.” Like it’s not even a kiss or sexual in any way, she’s just missed him and just wants to embrace him for a moment. And given their history in regards to physical intimacy and that we can be quite certain that their sex life is still plenty vibrant, I think that a hug actually means more than tearing into each other, you know? They’ve always had that physical draw, the hug is more a product of an emotional one. (THOUGH I WOULD HAVE ZERO COMPLAINTS ABOUT THEM TEARING INTO EACH OTHER) And then, from the slightest wince she knows something is wrong and presses him on it!

10. The entirety of the “They shot you!” scene was pure GOLD. Every line, every delivery. And then her concern followed by her frantic ire and demand to know who did it, and his trying to calm her but then getting riled himself... UGH. I love it. All of it. Every bit of it. But especially... (And some lines I’ve highlighted at the bottom!)

11. Idk, but I just really love when he shows her the ointment? It just feels SO [OLD?] MARRIED COUPLE. Like, “Yeah, I did go to the hospital and they gave me this stuff to put on it, see? Here it is. Do you want to look at it?” (And her just automatically taking it from his hand!) Honestly I clearly can’t adequately put words to why this in particular stands out to me, but it just gets me every freaking time.

12. Moment of appreciation for their bathroom (the one room that’s actually lit properly, lol) and alllll of her products and their matching toothbrushes in the middle, then that lil red car on his side (’cause they have sides, guys!). Dying to see their bedroom reasonably well lit at some point during the season (we hope) to see more of these little details! (...Also why are their towels hanging in their washroom area where it would appear that there is only a toilet???)

13. “You’re not fit to kiss my husband’s feet--a truthful man, uncomplaining, never passing the buck, never punching unless he’s punched. When did he become the exception?” After everything, after it all, after the lies and the hurt, she still believes that this man is the greatest man to walk this earth. Perhaps she now knows that he’s not perfect... but I think she believes he’s the closest any man will get. She just loves him SO. DAMN. MUCH. And then just gently resting her arm over his waist while careful to keep her distance from his wound cause she just wants needs that connection... I CAN’T WITH THEMMMMM.

14. Also, ummm... can we please get shirtless Kurt in 3 scenes in every episode??? 15. Diane uttered like 2 “husband”s, 2 “wife”s, and one “married” in this single episode... clearly the writers are as committed to defining them as MARRIED AF as we are.

And just a few other lines that stood out to me:

“I’m happy. ...Am I ridiculous?” “You like narrating your life.”

“But mean it.”

“...And it reeked of cologne, or mousse, or something, and I know that you’d rather die than use girly products...”

“...Then which of you Fox blonds is it?” (”Fox” did not sound like “Fox” upon my first watch/listen, haha!)

“You call him Eric?” “Oh, God...”

“DIANE, you’re scaring me!”

“My God, my poor husband. What have they done to you?”

“That’s why they delayed the trip, they SHOT you!”

“I can do the ointment.” “No you can’t!”

“The most important person in my life...”

Alright, as per usual I got ENTIRELY carried away, but anyway there ya go. Hope at least one of you gets amusement out of it, lol! And feel free to comment/"Ask” your own thoughts!

Happy “More McHart is only 25 hours away!” -E

#McHart #diane x kurt #diane lockhart #kurt mcveigh #The Good Fight #I LOVE MY MARRIED AF SHIP #it took so long and we went through so much but my got is it good right now!#also though why am I like thissssss #why do I always get SO carried away I hate myself #it was just supposed to be little blurbs!#I mean good God I barely even finished in time before the new episode!#anyway more married babes sooooon #thanks for putting up with me everyone!#reflecting on mchart

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ravenbcys-remade · 7 years

Text

my youth (my youth is yours)

chapter : 1/?

word count : 1389

pairings : remus lupin /sirius balck, james potter /lily evans, marlene mckinnon / dorcas meadowes

AO3 summary : “You’re in my spot,” Sirius interrupts. “And I’d like you to move.” Remus raises his eyebrows. (Yeah. He’s definitely cute. Sirius hates him already.)

“Your spot?”

“My spot.” Sirius only then realizes how stupid he sounds, but it’s too late now to back down. “Again, it would be really nice of you to move over one table.”

“And it would be really nice of you to choose a spot one table down for a single day.” Remus smiles, and it’s sort of sharp and sarcastic but also really, really pretty.

[ or : sirius really wants one particular spot at one particular coffeeshop and perhaps an excuse to flirt with the cute boy that frequents there, james wants to impress the love of his life - hopefully without being overbearing, and peter is done with everyone's shit ]

Sirius is - really tired, honestly. He’s really tired and he sort of wants to die and the fact that he hasn’t shown up to any of his Bio 101 lectures because he’s a failure of a student is making it only slightly worse. Therefore (god, he just thought therefore unironically; the papers are getting to him), it’s completely reasonable that the bright spot in his day is going to a stupid hipster bookstore-slash-cafe and talking to his stupid jock friends, messing with the entire too good for you atmosphere the place has going on.

(He mentally backtracks, feeling guilty for calling James a stupid jock. James is the smartest man he knows. James is - he’s a fucking god is what he is.)

(Also it’s sort of unfair to call Peter a jock at all.)

And so it’s completely understandable to be slightly disgruntled when he sees some uncultured swine sitting at his table. In fact, it’s justified to walk up to said uncultured swine angrily, forgetting to keep his class in the heat of the moment.

“Um, hi,” the swine says, and shit, he’s kind of cute, not that it matters at all. “Would you like - ”

“You’re in my spot,” Sirius interrupts. “And I’d like you to move.” Swine raises his eyebrows. (Yeah. He’s definitely cute. Sirius hates him already.)

“Your spot?”

“My spot.” Sirius only then realizes how stupid he sounds, but it’s too late now to back down. “Again, it would be really nice of you to move over one table.”

“And it would be really nice of you to choose a spot one table down for a single day.” Swine smiles, and it’s sort of sharp and sarcastic but also really, really pretty.

“Sorry, but my friends and I usually meet up right here, uh - sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Because I didn’t say it,” Swine responds effortlessly. “But it’s Remus.”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Remus,” Sirius replies. The name evokes a thought of sweaters and hot chocolate, an aesthetic that contradicts the essence of the evil man standing in front of him. (He’s not evil, a voice in the back of his head that sounds oddly like Peter reminds him. He just wants his seat. Sirius pushes the thought away.) “I’m Sirius.”

“Interesting name,” Remus snorts.

“I could say the same for you.”

“That’s fair,” he replies, and there’s an uncomfortable pause. “Anyway, you can just move one table down. My friends are set to arrive in, like, two minutes anyway - ”

“So are mine!”

“But I was here first,” Remus continues, infuriatingly calm. “And the whole notion of it being your spot is childish and, frankly, a little insane.” His voice is passive, but his posture is triumphant. Sirius hates it.

“Fine,” he snaps. “I’ll move one table down - for today.”

“For today,” Remus agrees, his lips twitching upward for half a moment. “And if you come here first tomorrow or whenever you want to claim it next, it’s all yours.” It takes Sirius a moment to realize this is a thinly veiled challenge, and he smiles only partially artificially.

“That’s good to hear,” he says, sitting at the next table as the bell rings. James and Peter hurry in, accompanied by three girls. They’re all laughing about something, and Sirius feels a pang in his chest despite knowing he’s not being left out of anything important.

“Oh! Sirius, this is Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas,” James says, grinning sheepishly. A girl with bright red hair - he thinks it’s Lily - is staring at James with an odd sort of fondness. “Lily and I went to school together until year 9, when she moved away, and now we’ve somehow ended up going to the same uni - ”

“And not knowing until now,” Lily finishes, a bit too eagerly in an endearing sort of way. “He was a prick in year 9, though.”

“Wouldn’t know, since I moved where he was for year 10.” He grins. “He was still a prick then, so I’m assuming not much changed.”

“Is he the same way now?”

“Unfortunately,” Sirius sighs, “I have to say no. Our scheming days are behind us. We’re mature and responsible adults - hold on,” he says, something clicking into place. “Are you three - are you all his friends?” He points at Remus, who’s currently scrolling through Instagram. God, of course he is, Sirius thinks, putting aside the fact that he spends most of his day scrolling through Instagram.

“We are,” one of the other girls says. She’s pretty in a soft sort of way, Sirius notices as she grins at Remus. “Here early for once, I see.” Remus looks up from his phone.

“Had to get a good seat,” he responds, glaring at Sirius, who tries to glare back more intensely.

“Did we miss something?” Peter asks. “I think we missed something.”

“He took our seat,” Sirius says, pointing a shaking finger at Remus. He’s gotten extremely good at exaggerating his emotions for dramatic effect. His old headmistress said he had flair, whatever that means.

“Does it matter?” James sighs, throwing an exasperated look at Lily as if to say ridiculous, am I right? Sirius is, frankly, betrayed and disgusted.

“Of course it matters,” he says slowly. “This is our seat. Don’t make me defend our honour alone, James.” The other girl – wearing a black and bedazzled shirt that says girls just wanna have fun, which is just Sirius’s style – grins.

“This is ridiculous.”

“People say that’s one of my charms,” Sirius responds. Remus rolls his eyes. “Hey. Rude.”

“What’s rude is throwing this big of a fit to get a fucking table.”

“A sailor’s vocabulary, I see. You should calm your language down; it’ll make you sound more elegant.”

“And since when have I given a rat’s ass about sounding elegant?” Remus counters.

“I wouldn’t know,” Sirius says, “and don’t mention rats in a negative light around Peter; that’s just insensitive.”

“Why the hell–”

“We took a stupid spirit animal quiz online once,” Peter says dully. “It said my spirit animal was a rat. They’re never letting me live it down.”

“It was six separate spirit animal quizzes because you didn’t accept the results the first time, and you’re damn right we’re not,” James says cheerily, pulling out a chair at the table next to Remus’s. (No, not Remus’s. It’s rightfully theirs; Remus just plundered it. Like a pirate, except hotter and with hopefully better hygiene.)

(God, what has his life come to?)

A cool chat 4 cool kidz

wormy: first of all i’d like to once again protest the name of this group chat.

King Padfoot IV: Why, because you’re not cool? If so, I agree.

King Padfoot IV: James, virtual-five me.

Prongs: *virtual-five*

wormy: i’ve lost count of how many times you’ve used that insult.

Prongs: Anyway, this might just be me overanalysing again

King Padfoot IV: It usually is.

King Padfoot IV: I’m just kidding; I love you.

Prongs: Love you too

Prongs: But also were you eyeing Lily’s friend

Prongs: The one you were arguing with

Prongs: I’m not misinterpreting it right

King Padfoot IV: …no, I was not.

wormy: that absolutely means yes.

King Padfoot IV: For once, Peter, you’re correct. It does absolutely mean yes.

King Padfoot IV: However, it’s just because he’s an aesthetically pleasing man. Personality-wise, I was most certainly not eyeing him.

Prongs: I dunno Lily said he’s normally a sweet person

King Padfoot IV: Well, she’s either a liar or horrifically misled. I’m sure he’s a demon.

wormy: au contraire. i’m sure he’s a decent person and you’re just overreacting, as per usual.

King Padfoot IV: First, don’t use French against me; you know I’m more fluent than you’ll ever be

King Padfoot IV: Second, wrong. I have never once overreacted in my entire life. Right, James?

Prongs: Um

Prongs: Yeah of course

Prongs: Either way I’m interested to see how this plays out

King Padfoot IV: Speaking of romantic misfortunes, wasn’t Lily the girl you wouldn’t shut up about year 10?

Prongs: She may have been but that’s irrelevant to any discussion

King Padfoot IV: Fascinating. (No sarcasm intended.)

wormy: do you think there’s a chance of her liking you now?

Prongs: I’m honestly not sure

King Padfoot IV: Again, fascinating.

King Padfoot IV: Either way, I’m interested to see how this plays out.

#wolfstar #nataliesroyalfamily #useralexis #angelinajchnson #userbeans #teddylupixnn #userganj #sxmthingcxming #meena writes #hp #marauders #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #lily evans #jily #this is the first time ive written hp fic in So Long hsdfnsdjfn

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Rio & Buster

Rio: [Bank statement screenshot, his transfer circled] Rio: Is that you??? Buster: What? Rio: Did you transer that money, 'cos it's the amount I told you Ryan owes me, and around the time I told you, so Buster: You aren't ever getting it from that cunt Rio: That doesn't mean you have to foot the bill! Rio: Buster, oh my god Buster: It means he's got less of an excuse to come around though Buster: Worth it for that Rio: You must think I'm so ungrateful, I thought it was from the streams, I didn't clock it 'til now Buster: I didn't do it so you'd be grateful Buster: I have better methods for that, like Rio: Are you sure? Rio: I won't touch it, 'case you change your mind Rio: but thanks Buster: Don't be an idiot Buster: I don't want it back Rio: It's a lot of money that you don't owe me Buster: Nah Buster: It's like a piece from Nance's summer wardrobe or whatever Rio: I know Rio: and I already raided said wardrobe once, like Buster: Only what she left behind Buster: Nothing she cares about Rio: Still that good shit though Rio: not that I've priced it all up to put on poshmark or anything but you know Buster: Get that sorted for next time Buster: Anything you don't wanna keep yourself that is Buster: 💄 maybe Rio: 'Course Rio: was my colour Buster: Yeah Rio: Now I really owe you, yeah? Buster: Not for that Buster: I'm not trying to buy it, you know Rio: I know Rio: I will think of something though Buster: Good 'cause I can't stop thinking about you Rio: Same Rio: but reversed Rio: not that self-absorbed or feeling this bitch rn Buster: You should Buster: You look fucking good right now Rio: You would say that, perv 😉 Buster: Not sorry Buster: It's true Rio: Too early for truthing Rio: though thanks to all-inclusive i've been off my face nearly this entire time on cheap wine Buster: So what you'd rather a dare? Rio: 😂 Yeah Rio: what kinda of boring bitch picked truth, 'less they wanted to tell all their mates who they fancied Buster: I'm never bored of hearing how much you fancy me, babe Rio: Shut up 😏 Rio: about how mature i feel rn Rio: though glad you've grown, cuter now, like Buster: Are you saying I was an ugly kid? Buster: Bullshit and just rude to be honest Rio: No, just that you've got better with age Rio: don't start with me, accept the compliment like i'm accepting the cash 😜 Buster: Alright Buster: cheers then Rio: Welcome Rio: see, wasn't that nice? Buster: Shut up Buster: I've been nice to you loads of times Rio: I know Rio: I've been the cunt this time, like Buster: You're not Rio: Hmm, jury ain't even out on that one but imma use my time wisely Rio: gonna go straight guv Buster: Don't Buster: You actually would be in danger of being a boring bitch then Buster: And you ain't bad as is, like Rio: Now who's being rude, you don't need to take my place, babe Rio: Idk, undoubtly won't last, hasn't stuck yet, like Rio: sick of feeling like crap and acting or being treated like it Buster: I'm just saying, sin with me first, babe Buster: Do you really feel that bad? I know you didn't want a truth but you can tell me Rio: That doesn't count, I've decided Rio: mostly 'cos I really want to but no one's gonna know so no one can get fucked over, like Rio: Right now, yeah Rio: I didn't wanna go and leave Indie and things are weird between us rn as is Buster: She's alive I've seen the evidence Buster: but yeah I know Buster: Has he contacted you since you got there? Buster: Either he, like Rio: Yeah, I know she'll be alright, made sure but Rio: A few times Buster: And? Rio: Ryan just liking my pictures loving being the reason I'm here having a shit time on my tod Rio: Drew asking when my next shift was, so clearly been to see Indie, Dad of the year Buster: Twat Buster: Do you wanna come home? Rio: That's the thing Rio: not really Rio: Christ 😂 sob story moment Buster: You're allowed Buster: And you don't need my permission anyway, like Rio: I know I did it Rio: but everything is fucked at home rn Buster: Babe you haven't done anything Rio: I must've flirted with Drew too much and too real Rio: then the stupid fucking stream Rio: if Ryan has told anyone and my fam find out or get shit for it Rio: which he definitely will, fuck Rio: could explain the burlesque style of things but that was just fucking porn Rio: no escaping it Buster: Rio Buster: breathe, yeah? Buster: Drew's a grown ass man first of all and sketchy as fuck since he's been around. Indie knows Buster: She's not gonna blame you for him being a fucking perv Buster: And I've told you before, I'll shut Ryan up, 'cause I can and will Rio: Yeah Rio: Okay Rio: I just don't feel like I'm sorting anything from here Rio: 'cos I ain't Rio: I always fix things Buster: Exactly Buster: So let me do it this time Buster: I've got you, alright Rio: but it's not your mess Buster: So? Rio: so Rio: why Buster: So you can focus on having a not shit time Buster: That was the whole idea of you going, remember? Rio: Missed that memo Rio: here's me hiding in shame like Buster: Don't Rio: Try Rio: fuck's sake, do i have to admit i should've let you help from the start Buster: No, but I ain't gonna be mad if you do, obviously Buster: Just tell me what I can do now, yeah? Buster: What do you need? Rio: Don't reckon pride's gonna allow that just yet but then again Rio: gonna ask you to keep me company again though so maybe I can deal if I can admit I need that Rio: alone time's all well and good but feeling really fucking alone, like, nah Rio: not so much Buster: So let me come and keep you company for real Rio: can you? Buster: I wouldn't have said it if I couldn't Buster: I can be there Rio: do you wanna though? Rio: not exactly sold it Buster: Like I said, I'm not trying to buy you Rio: yeah Rio: well, if you did come Rio: i'd be happy about it Buster: Then I'm packing Rio: Buster Buster: What? Rio: Thanks Buster: Let me earn it first, babe Rio: Overachiever Buster: You say that like it's not the best thing to happen to you Rio: 😏 Rio: I ain't mad about it but don't ruin it, boy Buster: You reckon I could? Buster: I know how bad you want me, it'd take more than words Rio: True Rio: can't be bothered to lie about it now Buster: Good Buster: Don't lie to me Rio: I won't Rio: Can't, your annoyingly perceptive, like Buster: Well yeah, got my twin's share too, didn't I? Rio: Mean! Buster: Still true Rio: You don't have to say EVERY true thing just 'cos it is Buster: Not saying it to her, am I, she don't have to handle it Rio: 🙄 Rio: She's doing her best, bless her Rio: like the rest of us Buster: Maybe she should try a bit harder Buster: Like the rest of us Rio: She's changed a lot since she came to my School, you know Buster: Good for her Rio: Just saying Buster: Whatever Rio: Focus on packing Buster: It's done Buster: Not some amateur like Rio: know i don't plan on letting you leave the bed much but Rio: probably pack some outfits, babe Rio: how did you do it that fast Buster: 😏 Buster: I know you're more adventurous than that, babe Buster: Not gonna hide you away in the room when I can fuck you anywhere Rio: i did manage to get a room with a decent balcony, actually Buster: That's a start Rio: how soon can you get here Buster: There's a flight in a few hours then plus the actual time in the air, like Rio: Good Rio: Your 'rents cool? Buster: They could care less Buster: What else is summer for? Buster: Work hard, play hard, basically on our family crest Rio: 👍 Rio: I feel it Buster: Not gonna tell them I'm travelling to fuck you senseless Buster: Probably less approving of that but you know Rio: 😳 Rio: can't have them after me too, like Buster: I'd never let that happen Buster: I'm coming to make things better not worse Rio: You're too good Rio: to me and in general like Rio: got me weak 😩 Buster: You ain't seen nothing yet, babe Buster: Be ready for it Rio: You know I've BEEN ready Buster: Yeah but it's not just talk now, is it? Rio: Never been just talk Rio: unless you packing disappointment for me, like Buster: Shut up Buster: You know everything I've put in this case you'll wanna rip off me Rio: Just don't bill me for your dry cleaning Buster: Like you could afford it Rio: 😤 Rio: my point but don't be so rude Buster: Mine's that we gonna ruin half this Buster: That's why I packed so fast Rio: thank god i packed some decent shit in my own mad dash Rio: no excuse not to be seen with me now Buster: I'm done making excuses, believe me Buster: I don't care what you're wearing I just want to take it off you Rio: I know but I still want you to enjoy the view whilst doing it Buster: You know I will Buster: You're so hot it drives me insane Rio: Yeah Rio: I genuinely reckon when we finally get to fuck my life is gonna feel less shit because i actually feel mental how much i think about it Rio: no pressure 😂 Buster: I perform well under pressure Buster: No worries Rio: so fucking capable Rio: jesus Rio: such a turn on Buster: good Buster: 'cause I swear everything you do gets to me Rio: yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: i'm glad Rio: all i wanna do is turn you on and get you off Buster: It's finally gonna happen Rio: I know, I get to feel it Rio: taste it Buster: fuck I bet you taste so good Rio: you can find out as soon as you get here Rio: already so wet ready for you Buster: Jesus Buster: I need to Rio: make me cum with your tongue before you fuck me Rio: i'll be so hot and tight on your dick Buster: Babe Rio: Yes? 😇 Buster: You're perfect Rio: perfect for you Buster: Yeah Rio: You are for me Rio: I have to have you Buster: You can have me as many times as you want Buster: There's nothing to stop us once this plane ride is over Rio: I intend to Rio: Not gonna be satisfied with just once Rio: waited and wanted too long Buster: I've never agreed with you more Rio: Good thing no one else can ever know, right? Buster: My ego won't agree after I've made you cum more than you ever have but Buster: I'll forgo the brag this once Rio: Realisitcally you already got 'em beat, how many times I've screwed myself and pretended it was you Rio: Brag all you want, just don't put my name down as a reference, like 😂 Buster: Bragging won't feel as good as any of this anyway Buster: You think you like my odds now but just wait until I'm inside you or been eating you out for hours Buster: The competition just won't exist Rio: Fucking hell Rio: my brain won't exist Rio: i need to not think for a while Rio: only think about making you feel as good as you make me Buster: That's all I want too Buster: Fuck it Rio: you've earnt it, daddy Rio: gonna take care of you like you do me Buster: How long until somebody misses you? Buster: I'm not even there yet and I already don't want to leave Rio: Ugh, I took a week so we've got Rio: 3 days left Buster: You don't need to sleep, right? Rio: If I do wake me up by pressing your hard on into my ass Rio: 😍 best way to wake up Buster: Least I can do Rio: what's the most Rio: i want that Buster: You'll have to fall asleep to find out Buster: Depends what you want more, really Buster: 'Cause being awake will be very tempting, like Rio: but but 😖 Rio: i just want you constantly idc Rio: i'm yours for the weekend use me however and whenever you want Buster: You have no idea how many times I've imagined you saying shit like that to me Rio: and i wanted to Rio: had to make sure you did too Buster: Thank Christ we both know now Rio: Now it doesn't have to be all fantasy Rio: I want to do everything you've ever thought about me doing to you, let you do everything you've ever dreamed of Buster: I'm not gonna say no Buster: I'm still waiting to hear all of yours Rio: interrogate me, i'll list 'em off, one for every spank you give me Rio: harder you go harder i will baby Buster: Fucking hell Buster: okay Rio: you want that? Buster: I really want it Rio: Good Rio: it's always made me wet when you tell me what to do and get a lil rough with me Rio: even if it makes me mad too, still want you to push me up against the nearest wall and fuck the shit outta me Buster: I know Rio: Not even ashamed Rio: 'cos I'd rather you knew so you would sometime Buster: Don't be Buster: I'm not ashamed to admit how hard you get me anytime you do what you're told either Rio: get used to it, i wanna do whatever you say right now Rio: sometimes i've gotta ignore you though so you punish me Buster: I don't reckon you can ignore me, even when you need to Rio: True Rio: you're too good Buster: That's what you'll be saying when I let you talk, babe Rio: Buster Buster: You can say my name too Rio: Good, because you're all that's on my mind Rio: byy the time you get here i'm going to need you so bad Buster: I need you so bad now Rio: can i touch myself or do i have to be good and wait Buster: Wait for me Rio: okay daddy Rio: my fingers aren't going to be enough anyway when i'm thinking of your big dick Buster: 3 days won't be enough Rio: i know Rio: we can work it out Buster: promise Rio: promise Rio: i need you Rio: whenever we can Buster: Me too Buster: There's nobody else who comes close to you Rio: 'cos i'm made for you Rio: don't forget Buster: I won't Buster: not after this Buster: I couldn't before, like Rio: I know Rio: we both tried Rio: saw you trying not to look at me when i was failing myself Buster: and I tried to get you to look at me any way I fucking could Rio: You never had to try, trust me Buster: It felt like it, some of the stupid shit I've done Rio: Why am I here? Rio: Can't get any more desperate or stupid, like Buster: Don't say that Rio: Sorry Rio: it's just the truth Rio: you know that was for you Buster: It's not gonna be like that any more Rio: no Rio: if you get me wet then my pussy is yours Rio: i won't ever ddo it again Buster: I won't do that kinda shit to you anymore Buster: New games now, like Rio: Better Buster: Yeah

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katalyna-rose · 7 years

Text

Forbidden

Rating: Mature

Solavellan

Tags: Angst, Post-Break Up, Deep Roads, The Descent DLC

Summary: A Dalish elf who has spent her entire life outside in the sun doesn't do well underground for extended periods of time, especially while also forced to spend this time with the man who broke her heart. Yet even though he left her and hurt her so deeply, her love and attraction for him have not waned. And neither, it seems, have his feelings for her. After what happened between them, any intimacy is forbidden. It cannot change what happened, only hurt them both all over again. But that doesn't seem to stop them.

Read on AO3!

After nearly a month in the Deep Roads without sunlight or any food that didn’t consist mostly of bioluminescent mushrooms, Lyna was beginning to feel physically ill. She’d spent her entire life outdoors and all this time underground was torture. They had spent most of the trip in a constant state of uncertainty, no way to know how much further they were going or what they would find or how long it would be until they could head back up. The only comfort Lyna had was that they were finally going to return.

The Titan had been… magnificent. It was truly a marvel, beyond anything she could have ever imagined. The happiest she’d felt on this whole trip was when she was trying to figure out where the light came from in the Wellspring. It was gloriously close to sunlight, though it wasn’t quite as nourishing, and she had basked in it for as long as she could excuse herself to do so. She’d been uncertain about leaving Valta behind, but in the end she’d known better than to try to force the Shaper to do anything she didn’t want to.

They still had another week in the Deep Roads, and tempers were short. Even Cole seemed affected by it, unusually quiet and sullen. Varric’s jokes had become progressively angrier and more aggressive as the days wore on, until he was making crude and sarcastic remarks rather than jokes. Cassandra spent most of her time with her head in her hands as though she had a migraine, but no amount of healing magic seemed to help her. Lyna was feeling nauseous and her muscles ached in a strange way. And Solas… She had known that bringing him on such a long trip in close quarters would be awkward, but she hadn’t expected how tense things had become.

His skin was turning gray, looking less healthy every day, and he hadn’t so much as looked at her in days unless whatever skirmish they were fighting gave him no choice. At first, it had seemed that they would manage to remain civil to each other, even cordial, but as time wore on and they both began to feel worse the fragile civility they had maintained had crumbled. If they interacted at all, it was with terse words and biting insults. It was tearing Lyna apart, though Solas seemed infuriatingly unmoved. He had always been good at hiding his feelings from her, after all.

***

“This place is awful,” Solas grumbled, attempting to knock mud and what looked suspiciously like animal droppings off his boot.

“Oh, look, something we can agree on,” Lyna quipped from her position by the fire, stirring their pot of dinner. It was an unappealing gray color, but it would keep them nourished.

“If we may also agree not to argue this evening, I would appreciate it,” Solas said, his tone biting. He was scowling at his boots, refusing to look at her as usual.

“But it’s the closest thing to entertainment I can get down here!” Lyna cried mockingly.

“And it is driving me insane,” Cassandra groaned, rubbing her temples.

“Because you weren’t already, Seeker?” Varric quipped. Cassandra made a disgusted noise. Cole fidgeted at the edge of the firelight and Lyna sighed. As much as she wanted to really lay into Solas, she knew she was making this that much more difficult for the others. She looked at Solas, contemplating her options. They should probably talk, try to figure out how to return to their previous façade of civility.

Once they had all choked down as much of the stew as they could manage, all of them desperate for some real food, Lyna screwed up her courage and approached Solas. “I’d like to talk to you in private for a moment,” she said softly. He sighed and didn’t look at her, then nodded and stood. She led him into a nearby side passage that she knew ended in a small cavern with no other ways in or out, not looking back to see if he followed. She stopped in the middle of the cavern and stayed facing away from him.

“We still have another week down here, Solas,” she said finally. “I’d rather we survived each other until we reach the surface, at least.”

“As would I,” he said softly, scant feet away though a vast distance lay between them. “Yet we cannot seem to stop sniping at each other.” Lyna sighed.

“It is not an easy thing to have you here like this,” she told him sadly.

“Then why did you ask me to come?” She barked a laugh.

“You are an exceptionally powerful mage and a truly gifted healer, as you well know,” she said. “I thought that both of those traits would be useful on this trip, and I was quite right.”

“I was surprised when you did not ask Dorian to accompany you, instead,” he said softly rather than rising to the bait that her caustic tone provided.

“Dorian is a dear friend, but he is no healer,” she reminded him, her tone slightly softer. “After the fight with the Guardian, can you honestly tell me that I made the wrong choice in bringing you?” She could picture in her mind, as clearly as if she saw it though her back was still turned to him, the way his lips would twist in a grimace as he remembered frantically healing Cole’s many crushed bones.

“No,” he said finally. “I cannot say that.”

“Vivienne is a better healer than Dorian, but she is still arranging Bastien’s affairs, and I didn’t want to take her from that for as long as I knew this trip would take,” she continued, wrapping her arms around herself. It was almost more difficult to be civil with him than to fight. It hurt more, made her nausea worse to the point that she worried about keeping her dinner down. “As uncomfortable as this is for us both, it was still the best option. Besides, can you honestly tell me that it wasn’t worth it to see the Titan? To learn all of this first hand rather than reading it in reports later? I thought you would have enjoyed collecting all this history and the memories here. Though the Fade is harder to access this far underground, there have been some truly interesting things to see, haven’t there?”

“Yes, there have been. You are right,” he said. Disgusted, she finally turned to him only to find his gaze locked on a nearby stalagmite.

“You could at least do me the honor of looking at my face,” she said, her temper snapping again. She marched a few steps closer, desperate for some form of acknowledgement. She saw his jaw clench before he finally raised his gaze to hers for the first time in almost two weeks.

“I expected you to stop asking me to accompany you after… what happened between us,” he admitted. She scowled.

“Why? I am not too proud to acknowledge your strengths and all the many ways in which you benefit the Inquisition,” she said.

“I would not have been surprised if you had retaliated, asked me to leave…” he told her, and her mouth dropped open.

“You could at least pretend to acknowledge that I attempt to be a good person!” she shouted, what remained of her temper utterly lost. “You think I would cast you out for spurning me? Lock you in a Circle, perhaps? You think I am so without honor or compassion that I would do that to anyone? My own mother is a mage, Solas, and I would sooner die than see her imprisoned for her magic! I would sooner die than see you imprisoned for it! I would see Leliana become Divine in part because I know that she would abolish the Circles entirely, allow the mages to be treated like people by society, even welcome elves and dwarves and Qunari into the Chantry! She would treat the peoples of Thedas like people and I would see that ideal come to fruition. Yet you stand there and accuse me of being no better than the Templars?”

“Do not put words into my mouth!” he cried, stepping forward aggressively. Some part of Lyna’s mind became aware of the fact that they were now within arm’s reach of each other, but it was quickly drowned out by her anger. “I said nothing of mages or of locking anyone away! I merely stated that I expected you to keep more of a distance.”

“If that is what you would prefer, you only have to say so,” Lyna ground out between her teeth. “I am not arrogant enough to believe that I could hold you if you wished to leave. That much has been made perfectly clear to me.”

“Has it?” Solas asked, fury lighting his features. They were only inches away from each other, both breathing heavily. “You are Inquisitor and I am but a humble hedge mage. Do you not have a hold?”

“I have never exerted power over you, Solas!” she reminded him. “I never wanted this position or title! I never wanted this power! I have done my best to use it wisely, but I have never used it against an individual and never for personal gain. You know that!”

They were silent for a few heartbeats, glaring at each other from only inches away as tension built between them, heat and static making the fine hairs on Lyna’s arms stand up. And then he was kissing her, his mouth hot and desperate on hers, teeth biting her lips until they stung. His arms wrapped around her waist, yanking her against his body and holding her tight. Her arms, which she had initially raised to shove him away, ended up wound around his neck, her nails digging into his scalp and holding him to her, her tongue just as aggressive as his. It was a mistake, she knew it was, yet she couldn’t pull away. As Solas began to rock his hips against hers, grinding them together to make heat and arousal shoot into her core, she held him tighter and decided that she didn’t care. She needed this, needed him, and even though it would only last for a moment before he withdrew from her again she would take whatever she could get and embrace the pain that would inevitably follow. His hand tangled in her hair and held her head at a new angle to allow him to devour her, her lips stinging and sore, his tongue thrusting into her mouth as if he was fucking her, heat gathering between her legs as he rocked against her and the stiff heat of his cock pressed insistently into her belly, and she wanted nothing more than to make this last forever.

She whimpered slightly when he bit her lip again and it broke the spell between them. He flung himself away from her, both of them panting heavily and shaking. He turned away, but didn’t flee as she expected him to. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as though the pressure would keep her dinner where it belonged, but the nausea pressed insistently at her throat. Solas scrubbed his face, sighing deeply.

“I apologize,” he said, his voice hoarse and barely louder than a whisper. “That was… ill-considered. I should not have encouraged it.”

“You kissed me,” she reminded him. He was silent for a moment.

“Yes,” he acknowledged, surprising her. “I apologize.”

“It changes nothing, right?” she asked, feeling near tears, the exhaustion and strain of the past month, since he’d left her naked and alone, combining with this final taste of his passion to make her feel bereft, empty.

“It cannot change anything,” he murmured, desperation and something like agony in his tone. Then he left, leaving her behind yet again.

Only once she knew he could not hear her did she release the tight control she’d maintained over herself. Her dinner came back up violently, and she continued to heave even after there was nothing left for her body to expel. Cole found her while she was like this, bent over her own sick and sobbing. He pressed a damp cloth against her hot face and rubbed her back soothingly until she leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

“It changes everything,” he murmured.

“Then why?” she sobbed, clutching at him.

“Because you deserve better.”

“But I want him.”

“I know,” he told her softly. “But it can’t change his mind. He won’t let it. It is forbidden.”

“But I love him,” she whispered, barely giving the words voice, as afraid of them as she was incapable of denying them.

“Haunting, hurting, heaving in the dark. Taste of her lips and texture of her tongue, silken strands still caught on my fingers, too beautiful for words. Eyes that beg me to stay, want to lose myself in her and forget. Strong hands to cup my face, kiss away her tears and stay forever. He knows.”

But it was forbidden.

#katalyna writes #solavellan #solas x lavellan #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #the descent dlc

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sylvernerdgirl-blog · 7 years

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Funny Things People Say

Funny quotes people say: If you are what you eat, then cannibals are the only humans. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright. 10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden... In his house. Dear America, Since you released upon us the horror that is Miley Cyrus (I actually like her a bit but I thought this was funny) , we have decided to retaliate. Its name is Justin Bieber (His songs are ok but I hate him.) and no-one will be spared. Yours faithfully, Canada. When I die, friends will go to my funeral, good friends will cry at my funeral, but my best friend will change my facebook status to "Chilin' with Jesus" Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with! I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life? Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would you keep looking after I found it? When you get caught looking at him just remember he was looking back. When your down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I'll be willing to lay down right next to you. Sticks and stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within. Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. When your are in jail a friend will bail you out, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying "dang, that was fun!" People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive 1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? If something goes without saying, why do people say it? Please note : Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny. Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. God created man-THEN had a better idea! Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that? Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh,he just took a wrong turn,got lost,and is to stubborn to ask directions. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. I like work. It fasinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours. Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. I have CDO. It's like OCD but all of the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be. It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces. The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese. I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. I'm not random, I'm just HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL! You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump off a cliff, I laugh. A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Dang, that was fun!" Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia? I've used up all of my sick days so I'm calling in dead. Stereotyping? How do you type with a stereo? People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was. I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face. You're a great friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you. DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S (Or in my case UK)...tell your friends. Hey stupid! Your sock is untied... If my calculations are correct...slinkies escalator = EVERLASTING FUN!! Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. "To be is to do" Socrates "To do is to be" Sartre "Do be do be do." Sinatra Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together? Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? We're so cool ice cubes are jealous. Im not as random as you think I salad. On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. I don't get it...boys think girls are so complicatd. Haven't they met themselves? I see no good reason to act my age. Don't follow my footsteps, I run into walls. Be a dork!! Because being cool is overrated. At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh? Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads. Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos? Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades. If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you. I ROCK! Guitar hero told me. I tried being normal, but I didn't like it. I was going to kill the ugliest person alive but then i thought I'd let your mom live one more day Smile. It makes the world wonder what you're up to. There are two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe. Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes. Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is. Be yourself. That's crazy enough. You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail. Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is. The trouble with real life is that there is no background music I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything. Forecast for tonight: darkness If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do? I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. How come when you mix water with flour, you get glue and then when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something Hell is full of musical amateurs There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line I'm not random I just have many thoughts I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it If you had a life you would stop talking about mine We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction! Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking The below statement is true The above statement is false Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner. In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop! When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me. Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Five tequila, six tequila, lock the jail door! I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah! If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?! Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll. If idiots could fly this place would be an airport. I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret! Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1? By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday Hi! I'm human. What're you? Have you considered suing your brain for non-support? Everyone has a right to be ugly, but you're abusing that privilege. I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it! Life is like a circle. No wonder I'm so dizzy. Yeah I'm a loser, but I'm the coolest loser you'll ever meet One night, I looked up into the sky. I began counting the reasons why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars. Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars and thought to myself, WHERE THE HELL IS MY CEILING!? Its not that I'm not a “people person”... its just that I'm not a “stupid people person”. Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

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asightsodivine · 7 years

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Best of: Anime/Manga

Countdown:

15. Black Lagoon

- This is a show about butts and bullets, my favorite. That’s all I can say to summarize... - REVY! Yes Revy is the greatest fucking character of all time.

- FUCK THE ACTION SCENES ARE HOT FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

- The story doesn’t fixate on any specific subject for very long, though season two and the ova are better in that regard.

- Intro gives me a half-chub.

- “fuck” is said 259 times, not including the OVA.

- The casting for the dub worked very well, I love how Rock switched from bitchy to badass throughout the first couple of episodes

- this is a manly show, NO GRILLS ALOOWED.

- Won’t make you cry at all.

14. Your Lie in April - This is a tragedy about classical music and love and… well I don’t feel like spoiling any of it at all.

- I’m crying a lil while writing this and I haven’t been able to get through the first episode without breaking down.

- The soundtrack is mainly classical sounding music, though strangely enough, I cannot recall a single piece. Also the dub was produced rather well.

- The animation is beautiful, I hadn’t noticed a significant problem the first time, but I only watched it once because I hate crying.

- I don’t have a clever quip for this show, sorry, I just love it.

- Will make you contemplate suicide.

13. Elfen Lied

- Seeing as this is an infamous anime, you probably know by now that this show is known for naked women and vivid gore, as well as child murder. I fucking love this show, it’s one of my first anime, actually second come to think of it. - Reliant on coincidences to proceed plot, though is nonetheless intriguing and shockingly unique. - Naked, horned, pink-haired, humans who cut people to shreds? Fuck yes. - Not very impressive animation but some of the brightly colored scenes worked well with making an unsettling impression. Also I love the detailed gore sequences (e.g. Intro, Nana vs Lucy). - Nana is my love and my og waifu back when I was like eleven.

- Shitty ending, but the manga continues the story - Also the dub was fucking horrible, but apparently the sub was bad as well, I guess read the manga?

- Will make you cry, well probably.

12. Another

- This horror drama is focused around the curse of a middle school classroom, there’s this cute lil girl with an eyepatch and she’s outcasted along with the main protagonist.

- Gore, death, misery, and insanity. All my favorite things in one show.

- The animation, especially during the gore scenes, are beautifully detailed. I love the umbrella scene!

- Luckily there’s not much filler that is easily recalled, though some plot holes were bothersome. How unfortunate.

- Overall it’s a badass show with a nice twist ending, also I loved the dub! The first time I had watched it it was only available in sub but the dub was fucking amazing!

- I doubt anyone would cry from this show.

11. Deadman Wonderland

- Okay, so imagine Disneyland, but it has presidents that rival politicians relative to corruption. Also, it has gladiatorial arena-like events. Also there’s this guy called the wretched egg who like to fuck around and murder relentlessly. Fucking killer (no pun intended)!

- Lots and lots of gore!

- Interesting story, but read the manga, the anime totally fucks up because it was only 13 episodes long and didn’t finish the story at ALL!

- The characters are actually layered for the most part.

- The dub is not anything impressive. It’s not terrible at least.

- Minatsuki Takami is so fucking cool, badass, and cute as well (I’m into severely mentally unstable people).

- The manga ending may leave you sad, but the anime? Fucking doubt it.

10. Gunslinger Girl

- IN A WORLD WHERE CYBORGS ARE A REALITY AND THE ITALIAN GOVERNMENT MANIPULATES PRETEEN GIRLS INTO BECOMING KILLING MACHINES, WILL THEIR HUMANITY PREVAIL (BWOOOM)? Okay so it’s about these lolis with traumatic past who become cyborgs, though the action is not what makes this anime so great or memorable but the contrast and conflict of the remaining humanity of the girls and their obligation to kill for their masters.

- Lolis killing criminals is a unique experience, especially when they hide their gun in a violin case.

- The characters and character development are surprisingly well-rounded and usually feel very real.

- Whenever I’m feeling nothing I can watch the Angelica arc and become riddled with sadness for like three consecutive days. Better than nothing eh?

- They never exploit any characters sexually, thankfully, because there are far too many shows that do.

- The dub was handled well for the main cast though some of the supporting can be weak links.

- Henrietta and Triela are the fucking greatest, especially in their first season.

- Every arc has it’s moments, especially the first season’s, but the Angelica and homicide (unofficial title) arc work especially well emotional wise.

9. Cowboy Bebop

- Fuck yeah, a classic. All I can hear when someone mentions Cowboy Bebop is “I think it’s time we blow this thing... get everybody and this stuff together. Okay three, two, one. Let’s jam!” Welcome to the life of some space bountyhunters aka cowboys.

- The animation stupendously impressive seeing as it wasn’t computer animated and the kinda dark undertone to the art style is unexpectedly appropriate.

- The dub for this show was amazing (I know I’m a broken record).

- The supporting characters were well written but it’s kind of sad seeing as it’s a different person each time.

- The story, especially by end was outstanding, they were able to develop the characters so well, EVEN ED!

- I loved Jet so much, Faye was sexy, and Spike was pretty hot if I’m being honest.

- This anime will make you bawl.

8. Baccano!

- This is a story, a story about criminals and immortals. And yet again, death, misery, and badassery. Another maturely themed anime that is so fucking amazing o mi lord.

- Just to mention, the intro is so amazing, it’s a hard bop piece of music similar to cowboy bebop’s Tank!.

- I legitamately have a crush on Ladd (like I said, the unstable get me flustered).

- The dub is awesome, some honorable mentions for characters are Ladd and Jacuzzi.

- idk I don’t have much to say, it’s just such a great show.

- This anime probably won’t make you sad at all.

7. Mirai Nikki: The Future Diary

- Dreams and truth; is there a tangible contrast? Well I guess in this show there is, strangely enough... So this show is about a deathmatch where the victor becomes GOD! They fight using cellphones or other items (it differs from person to person) which predict the future. It’s a bloody fucking mess of a show.

- The first intro was so fucking awesome but they switched half-way through. Fucking bitches...

- The voice acting was very well produced. Woo-wee! Yuno was especially fucking awesome.

- Yuno is best waifu.

- It was very satisfying to see them flesh out most of the characters throughout the series, it helps with empathy.

- The ending was fucking bullocks though so be prepared.

- This show won’t make you cry unless you’re super sensitive.

6. Berserk

- Fantasy isn’t usually something I indulge in, but I’ll make an exception for dark fantasy. This story is FUCKING DARK. The manga is better with showing off what it can get away with. Gatts, a skilled mercenary, joins the Band of the Hawks, a group that follows Griffith on his adventure to rule.

- The dub for this show was pretty gud. I know there was one bad character relative to that but luckily it wasn’t a primary character, also I can’t recall who he was so...

- Also, quick side note, the intro was really forgettable, the song that is, but the monologue was great, I still recite it sometimes.

- Caska is hawt 2 and Griffith is surprisingly feminine looking, not that that’s bad, so fuck off PC tumblr

- The ending to the anime was truly FUCKED. I loved the sense of dread and emptiness that burrowed in my soul. I personally love a tragic show, but the manga continues on and it gets even better, also I believe the 2016 anime continues as well, I’m not sure though, I’m waiting for the dub.

- This show will probably make you cry, manga... definitely.

5. Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad

- An average, BORING kid, Yuki speaks to his childhood crush for the first time in a long while. She brings him to meet Ryuske, a guitarist who played for some popular band, I can’t remember their name. Anyways eventually he is given a guitar and he starts to play and stuff and it’s basically a show about a kid becoming a rock star and stuff.

- The dub was quite stellar, in fact way above average, at least in my ears.

- The music overall was pretty amazing, especially the dubbed vocals, Tsunemi just has that classic punk voice, Typhoon was my personal favorite, I’m actually considering covering it. And the intro was pretty great aesthetically and musically.

- OOOKAYY. So... I’m personally not the type of guy to unironically obess over fictional characters, usually I mean. BUT MAHO MINAMI IS THE EMOBIEMENT OF PERFECTION, SHE’S NICE, SENSITIVE BUT TOUGH, INTERESTING, PUNK, AN ASSKICKER, AND SHE DOESN’T TAKE SHIT SHE’S SO FUCKING PERFECT ALSO SHE’S KINDA HOT.

- The character development was very well-written and nicely executed, it felt very smooth and satisfying.

- The ending is nothing special, they end at the climax of the manga, so yeah prepare to be disappointed because the studio never fucking continued it because people = shit. I haven’t finished the manga so I can’t say much.

- I doubt this show will make you cry much, but it will make you feel a flood of emotions. But I’m MANLY so I’m immune.

- Fuck off Buzzfeed.

4. Parasyte -the maxim-

- YES! The time has come. This is probably the most unique anime on this list. So... like this parasite thing attatches itself to this kid and tries to subdue his brain and shit but the kid stops it and then the parasite just becomes his arm and like they go on wild adventures and shit and it’s really gory and badass and the story is surprisingly well done.

- I loved the dub, Shinichi especially. He had a voice that really stood out and it fit his character perfectly.

- The intro is some shitty deathcore bullshit. NEWSFLASH: Metal and autotune don’t fit together, leave that shit with poppunk you pieces of shit, fucking burn.

- Sorry, no waifu mentions here, I wasn’t impressed by the main love interest, though... Shiniki actually was really hot, especially by the second half of the show. Just look at this picture (up). She’s so fucking badass and his personality is just fucking amazing and his character development was outstanding.

- The ending was very satifying and concluded well. I didn’t feel empty so that’s cool. Also the manga is the shit, I read it all the time when I was in elementary school or around that age at least.

- This show can get pretty upsetting, but not to an overwhelming extent.

3. NANA

- Meet Nana, a happy-go-lucky adult who is on her way to tokyo! And then meet... Nana, a punk rock star who is on her way to tokyo! So like most of this show is just a romantic comedy type story and it gets dramatic but it works itself out, usually. But by the end it gets super mature and serious. It was actually a nice contrast.

- The dub was mildly adequate.

- Fuck the second opening, but the first is pretty good, not the best though, not by a longshot.

- Eh. Also no waifu here. I really liked Takagi and thought he was kinda sexy and mysterious.

- The ending was good but not satisfying. I bawled if I’m being frank.

- THIS SHOW WILL MAKE YA CRY YOU PUSSIES!

2. Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni (Kai)

- So this is based off of a horror light novel lil meme. And basically this show takes all the events from every alternate universe and splits them into arcs, until they finally wrap it up in a nice bow. Basically this show has a groundhog’s day premise. But it’s very unnerving and gruesome, I loved it.

- The dub was apparently utter shit. I mean I didn’t think it was terrible. It wasn’t good but it was tolerable.

- The soundtrack was fucking amazing. God I love all the themes besides the OVA’s.

- Rena is best waifu, she’s in the picture I used. She’s a cute lil girl and she goes batshit fucking crazy and I fucking love IT SO FUCKING MUCH BECAUSE AS YOU KNOW INSANE CHICKS ARE FUCKING HOT!

- The ending to season one was actually really good, it gave me the feels. I can’t recall the second’s ending though. Also the manga was really badass and nice. I read the shit out of those. And don’t ask me about the light novels.

- It’ll probably make you cry if you have empathy.

Honorable Mentions!

1. Welcome to the NHK

- FINALLY. It’s down to this. This show is fucking magnificent.

- Welcome to the NHK follows the pervert, Tatsohiro Satou, who is a neet. Misaki meets him and instantly uses him for her “project” to cure him of being a neet. Throughout the story they go through many altercations and drama. It’s very intense and raw. Though it uses black humor to parade us through the story happily, regardless of how miserable literally ever character is.

- The dub was stellar I no criticism other than that one asshole at the offline meeting’s voice, but he has like six lines so whatever.

- The intro is very well made and it’s subtly melancholy vibe let the show kind of settle nicely right off the bat. The music in general is very emotional and nice.

- Misaki is extremely cute, she is manipulative, evil, sensitive, loving, compassionate, and tragic. She’s such a complex character that is never given any justice in the show, mainly because they make her a cliche tragedy case, which I was contempt with, though the manga had a much better character setup. Like, Misaki wasn’t some broken girl from an abusive home, she was a lonely, cynical, and tragic girl who tried to find someone to manipulate. And Satou wasn’t exactly a paranoid schizo, he was a chronic drug addict which resulted in schizophrenic behaviors and tendencies.

- The ending of the anime was satisfying for the most part, the supporting character’s fates were too cookie cutter but in the end, who gives a shit about Yamizaki the obnoxious dumbass? In the manga though, it isn’t exactly satisfying but it is still kinda a nice and fit the story well. The latter is my preference by far.

- This show will make you bawl, this book will make you bawl. It’s just such a wonderful show about characters who are all miserable fucks, trying to find something tangible to give them worth. It’s just so fucking good.

- I know I’m biased because this story reflects some of my life very accurately, scarily enough.

#anime #manga #black lagoon #elfen lied #your lie in april #another #deadman wonderland #gunslinger girl #cowboy bebop #baccano!#the future diary #mirai nikki #berserk #beck mongolian chop squad #parasyte the maxim #higurash no naku koro ni #welcome to the nhk

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terryblount · 4 years

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Spyro: Reignited Trilogy – PC Review

Spyro Reignited Trilogy is a remake of the three original fun-loving, cartoon-like Spyro games, originally created by Insomniac Games in 1998, 1999, and 2000 for the PlayStation. However, before discussing this modern ‘reignited’ collection, I need to go back to the late 1990s and share with you my personal history with Spyro.

Back in the Nintendo 64 Days

For his 7th birthday my brother received a Nintendo 64 from our grandparents. This was our first home console, and with this gift we now we had the ability to play so many yearned-for games which, until that moment, could only be played in our most improbable dreams. Indeed, now the two of us no longer were limited to my GameBoy and an old PC, and seeing games in full 3D (limited as it was back then) was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, a unique moment in my gaming life.

Spyro the Dragon flying majestically in astounding 3D graphics!

Thinking about that moment, now, makes me almost cry. I had never seen something like that before, and what was even more amazing was that I could also explore such huge, colorful, and incredible worlds thanks to the invention of the analogue stick. I ate up so many games. Super Mario 64 was unprecedented, Mario Kart 64 was so fun, and Banjo-Kazooie was difficult. Through all these games, I felt like my only limit was the time per day I had to explore them because there was always a new corner to discovery and enjoy.

The freedom of flying, with modern graphics, recreated from the original 1998 gameplay.

Besides feeling like the cool kid with my Nintendo 64, I also remember thinking that only Nintendo could possibly provide me with such vibrant worlds. But I realized how wrong I was when, a few years later, I went to a friend’s house and become initiated in the ways of the original PlayStation.

Enter the PlayStation Glory Years

When visiting my friend (thanks to our mothers being busy socializing), my friend and I could play all night long, and we could choose from his wide collection of games since he was one of those friends who had all the games you can’t ever afford. (For the record, my personal PS1 was bought some months after launch, but I just got a few games and lots of demo discs.)

It’s a dinosaur or something who talks and says things!

I remember one night in particular in which my friend (named Matteo, in case you were wondering) decided that evening that we should play a new game he received (probably from his grandparents), which according to him was the real Super Mario 64 competitor on Sony’s console. You guessed it… that game was Spyro the Dragon.

Prior to this night, I had only gotten a chance to see a few screenshots of the game on some of the earliest videogame websites and in some Italian magazines, so I didn’t know much about it. What I did know was that there were no other free-roaming 3D platformers available around that time on any other home consoles, apart from the N64 with the aforementioned Super Mario 64.

There were some other games that tried to be open in their world design. I had the chance to try a PC demo for a game called Croc (which was great!), but it wasn’t very open like Mario. Crash Bandicoot (on the PlayStation) was obviously a great game, but it was built to be “on-rails”. The Tomb Raider series was certainly a thing, but those games were still limited to the confines of the caverns and hallways you were in.

Spyro lets you enjoy the freedom of open 3D platforming like never seen before (in 1998).

Introducing Spyro: A Decent Mario Competitor

With all these things in mind, we now come to my history with Spyro the Dragon, itself (himself?). Sure, Mario was (and likely always will be) the real platformer king, but back in the late 1990s I really wanted to find a decent competitor in order to widen my choice of games to play. And Spyro delivered.

I recall booting up the game. Spyro magically started to live when the disc was inserted into the PlayStation, and it was love at first sight, sound, and play. From the start the humor was there that really made me laugh. The bright, vivid colors popped out at me, and the game was one of the best looking at that time. (Keep in mind that many of the ‘hot’ PS1 games were ‘mature’ with dark colors and themes.)

Spyro’s full of colorful characters who sometimes carry around creamy cakes!

Last, but not least, for us Italians, it was one of the first times where the whole game was completely dubbed with Italian voices, thanks to Italian voice actors. If I wasn’t already smitten with the game before, this last selling point was all it took to totally fall in love with Spyro, the pretty-friendly Dragon!

Thanks to all of Spyro’s charms and much more, the developers, Insomniac (who recently, in 2018, put out the universally acclaimed smash hit Marvel’s Spider-Man on PS4), strongly entered the videogames industry, and Universal (the publisher) made lots of money.

The new graphics are just as impressively beautiful and vivid as they were back in the day.

Much more importantly than fame or money, many players finally got to enjoy a real open-world 3D platformer on a console other than Nintendo, and there clearly was an appetite for this style of game. Consequently, Spyro, in his cool purple dragon style, sauntered himself through two additional Insomniac-developed chapters also on the PS1.

Hard Times for Old Heroes

Unfortunately, Spyro soon declined in popularity as game design evolved past the joys of simple 3D platformers. A couple PlayStation 2 titles (2002 and 2004) were developed and were moderately memorable. Other spin-off titles were also made to milk the franchise.

Then there was an attempt to revive Spyro in the 128-bit era by Activision (who bought the rights and owns them to this very day). This led to the creation of less interesting and semi-forgettable titles, including a dubious 2006-2008 rebooted trilogy with big-name voice actors and a planned movie tie-in (yuck).

Given Spyro’s rocky years, Activision shifted gears and directed one of their wholly-owned studios, Toys for Bob, to create a new type of game that mixed real-life collectible toy figures with videogames. This new vision would become the insanely successful Skylanders series. So in 2011 Spyro found himself becoming a ‘collectible toy’ video game designed to be inoffensive and accessible with RPG ‘hooks’ to keep the player engaged (and buying toys).

It’s ironic, then, that Skylanders began as a spin-off of Spyro but soon came to completely eclipse the Spyro brand. Soon enough, Spyro was mostly forgotten about as Skylanders went on to create an entire genre full of collectible toy creatures and mildly interesting ‘children’s’ videogames over the 2011 to 2016 period. Quite a fall for Spyro from being the up-and-coming threat to dethrone platforming-king Mario back in the early 3D days.

Finally, Spyro Returns, Reignited!

Having been dormant for some years now, and thanks to the trend in remaking old 3D classic games, Activision has finally brought back the original Spyro in this modern remake of the three very original games, much like how Activision remade the Crash Bandicoot saga in the ‘N. Sane Trilogy‘ in 2017. To accomplish this remake, Toys for Bob was called back to the action, which is fitting since they’ve had years of experience with Spyro-inspired games since 2011’s Skylanders series began.

Spyro can smile again, having been returned to his glory days in this modern remake!

First released in 2018 on PS4 and Xbox One, this remake has been a huge success from both critics and players, in part because it has allowed so many of us to relive old childhood memories in modern accommodations while retaining the appreciated ’90s gameplay mechanics. Accordingly, sales were huge, and Activision has successfully ridden the wave of instant nostalgia and given fans a real blast-from-the-past treat.

How Faithful is the ‘Reignited’ Remake? Very!

As far as the faithfulness of the remake goes, Toys for Bob have created a very faithful product, with the same story, worlds, and enemies of the originals. This is very much a 1:1 remake, much like its reboot-cousin, Crash’s ‘N. Sane Trilogy.’ With this reboot, from the first moment when you boot the game, it’s like traveling through time with some magic trickery.

Happiness and sunshine is what Spyro feels now having been given a quality remake.

Everything is there, in the same place I remember it, with all the same gems and chests right where I left them some 20 years ago. Even all the enemies are in the right places, with the same movements and noises. Indeed, all the gameplay and mechanics are basically identical to the original games. Even the beloved dragonfly character Sparx is faithfully recreated, who shows how much health is still available before collapsing and losing a life (you’ll understand when you play the game).

The only big difference in this remake is the technical, not structural, changes. Under the hood, the game hums along with excellent performance thanks to the Unreal Engine 4 engine, and all the modern effects create a visually pleasing, if still simplistic, style. The game engine also provides lots of configuration options to fit the power of various PCs, and the semi-cartoon visuals mean the game looks good even on lower settings.

Overall, this remake is ultra-faithful gameplay-wise but also has excellent additional details to make these original games come alive in ways never before seen. All the new aesthetic details are a treat to behold, even if they don’t change the underlying gameplay, and the few minor gameplay tweaks are welcome.

Very strong art and graphics create a new view of these old treasured games.

The Same Gameplay: Both Good and Bad

Delving into the actual gameplay, it should be noted that it’s both good and bad that this remake is so faithful to the originals. There’s no denying that these games are dated in design with gameplay that has aged a bit badly, but as long as you know what you’re expecting, you’ll likely find lots to appreciate.

As far as the structure, all three games maintain the world hub and its respective world zones scattered around it. Just like before, the player needs to collect all the gems, free all the dragons, and find all the stolen eggs using Spyro’s powers.

There’s just a few new additions here and there: for example, Spyro now has a new way of moving, inspired by feline movements, which make him smoother than before. The same treatment was used for every 3D model, allowing cleaner movements, making the game easier to appreciate in our time.

Out exploring, enjoying the smooth movement (but the gameplay is a bit stiff).

An Italian Aside

For the readers out there from Italy, let me once again say that we yet again have a completely localized game with redone (and superior) voice acting. Gone are the questionable accents of the original games, so the localization efforts deserve praise.

Game Difficulty: Not Hard

Let’s bring up Crash Bandicoot again. That series was cruel and difficult despite its happy cartoon-like design, and both the originals and remake were obviously aimed at experienced players. Spyro, on the other hand, was always aimed at younger players, and both the originals and remake have much easier controls and laid-back design.

Mind you, Spyro can still be a tough game at times, but it’s only ever difficult, not nightmarish, and most of the game is easy to explore and enjoy. Basically, Spyro is the type of game everyone (including kids) can play through and reach the end, feeling satisfied at the result.

It would have been nice to have some way to select or unlock more difficulty options in this remake, but whether you’re young or old there still is enough challenge to keep most players focused. Still, you can decide for yourself if the lesser challenge is a plus or minus for you, personally.

Concluding the Spyro Reignited Trilogy

Now I’ve taken you on my person journey through Spyro, leading up to this recent remake. I’ve enjoyed my time with this modern Spyro, and it’s been like a homecoming for me, reliving my old cherished memories. However, even if you’re never played Spyro before, there’s much to enjoy. The game is colorful, smooth, and interesting with a cartoon-like story and charming characters.

There’s much to love in this charming game world, if you don’t mind old game mechanics.

Make no mistake, this Reignited Trilogy is nothing more or less than a totally faithful, high-fidelity remake of the first three games (some would say the only legitimate Spyro titles). New players might not be willing to endure the old-school mechanics and simple challenge, but with the right mindset it’s really enjoyable to play.

At the very least, it’s nice to have Spyro back in a nice modern three-in-one package, reliving his 3D platforming glory days.

Faithful to the original trilogy

Remastered graphics

Easily customizable

3 games for the cost of 1!

Suitable for all ages

Probably too easy for some

No additional levels

No original graphics mode

No bonuses or extras

Playtime: 12 hours total (and counting). Mathieu has not completed the game, but he’s still playing it to collect all the gems!

Computer Specs: Windows 10 64-bit laptop computer, with 16GB of Ram, Nvidia 1050Ti.

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