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chickensarentcheap · 19 days

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Lost and Found - Chapter 30

Fandom: Extraction

Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Drummond (OFC. You do not have to read the original series to understand this fic)

Warnings: slight profanity

It's a lot of dialogue. Sorry :(

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @themaradwrites @secretaryunpaid @youflickedtooharddamnit @munstysmind @karimac @ninjasawakenedmystar @thebejeweledwatercat @alisbackalleybbq @asirensrage @residentdormouse @fanficanatic-tw @kmc1989 @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @occommunity

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43179357/chapters/139296199

My tag list is OPEN. Just let me know if you’d lke to be added :D

****

“I figure in a couple of days we’ll go into town. Get you and Millie all the things you still need.”

His voice is raw and husky; laced with both sleep and contentment as it rumbles deep within his chest. Scarred and misshapen knuckles repeatedly skim the length of her spine; their naked bodies pressed tightly together, caught in a mess of rumpled sheets and tangled limbs. Spent and sated; droplets of perspiration littering their skin and gathering at their temples and the napes of their necks. Their lovemaking had been uncharacteristically slow and tender; a combination of reconnecting and worshipping one another’s bodies and his desire to not cause any more discomfort as she continues her recovery.

“It’s a pretty lengthy list.” Her head rests on his chest; eyes closed as the fingers of one hand lazily trace the tattoo that graces his ribs. “We didn’t exactly come with much. Lots of things were left behind. At Alessio’s.”

“Doesn’t matter how much there is. I don’t care how many lists there are. Whatever you guys need…fuck, whatever you guys WANT…we get. Simple as that.”

“You’re going to create a hell of a predicament for yourself,” she chides and repeatedly brushes the tip of her nose along his collarbone. “People are going to think you hooked up with a gold digger.”

“Yeah, right,” Tyler chuckles, palm briefly lingering at the small of her back, calloused fingertips drifting over the curve of each buttock. “Because there’s just so much gold to dig for.”

“You know what people are like. They talk. It’s what they do.”

“I don’t give a shit. You should know that by now. Besides, you stuck around when I didn’t even have anything to offer you. Just tons of baggage and a shack in the outback. I think it’s safe to say you’re not with me for money.”

“Of course, I’m not with you for money.” She presses a series of kisses along his jaw. “I’m with you for your body.”

“As ancient and crumbling as it is?”

“It’s beautiful.” Lightly scraping the fingernails on one hand down his chest, she speaks between kisses and gentle nibbles on the side of his neck. “So…so…so beautiful.”

“And fat.”

She laughs against his Adam’s apple. “I did not call you fat. I called you thick. And I said it with love and admiration. And insane amounts of animalistic lust.”

His fingertips glide across her shoulders, then down the backs of her arms.“My favourite kind.”

“Mine too.” She rests her head in the nook between neck and shoulder, nose pressed against the long-healed bullet wound in the side of his throat. Her eyes closed as she reaches up to comb a hand through his longer strands of hair; allowing them to slip between her fingers before repeatedly curling and twisting sections around her index and middle fingers.

“Whatever you and Millie need, we’ll get it taken care of. Doesn’t matter how long the list is. Gotta take care of my girls, ya?”

“I like how that sounds. ‘Your girls’. There’s something so sweet about it. So…romantic. In a Tyler sort of way.”

“I can’t believe you’d call me romantic and sweet in the same sentence. What did I ever do to deserve that?”

“Listen, I know you have a reputation to uphold, but you DO have your moments. Where you’re just the softest, loveliest, cutest man on earth. You bring your own brand of romance to the table. And it’s perfect. For me, anyway.”

“Ever thought maybe you’re the one that brings all that out? That I’m not like that with everyone?”

“I already know you’re not. In the same way that I know how lucky I am. I get ALL of you. The REAL you. You’ve never hidden that from me. Not even in Dhaka.”

“I’ve never felt a reason to hide anything. Even back then. Something told me you were good people. That I could trust you. And believe me, I hadn’t felt that way about anyone in a long time. If I ever even did.”

“You trust Nik. And Yaz.”

“That’s different. That’s pretty much all business. Related to the job. I know that they always have my back. That they’ll step up if things go bad.”

“You trust them with me, don’t you? And Millie?”

“Not in the way I trust myself with the two of you.”

“That’s because you know what you’re capable of. You don’t second guess your skills or the things you can do. And you’ve always been protective of me. EXTREMELY protective. OVERLY, at times. Now add Millie to the mix…”

“I know that no one can take care of things the way I can; that the two of you are safest with me. Because I won’t fuck up. I won’t let that happen. Someone even thinks of coming near you and Millie, it’ll be the last thing they do, believe me.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. That everything just stays calm and peaceful. That we can just let Nik and her people handle things in New York while we do our own thing here. I just want to concentrate on us. And Millie. On being a family.”

“We’ll just take it one day at a time. Concentrate on getting past what happened.”

“Do you mean in New York City? Or me taking off and never telling you about Millie?”

“Look at me…” Pushing a hand into her hair, he gently tugs on the dark tresses; encouraging her to lift her head from his chest. “...I forgive you. I know you’re having a hard time accepting that, but I do. Yeah, sometimes I’m still pissed and sometimes it hurts like hell. But I DO forgive you.”

“Just like that? Just so easily?”

“I love you. I never STOPPED loving you. And you had your reasons; for making the decisions that you did. I don’t pretend to completely understand them. Not right now, anyway. But one day I will, I’m sure.”

“I really did do it to protect you. I didn’t want anything happening to you., Tyler. And I never would have forgiven myself; if I permanently lost you because of a mistake I made. It just sucks that in the end, all I did was hurt you.”

“That’s not entirely true though, is it? I mean, I AM alive. Nothing happened to me. And things would have gone really bad if the High Table had shown up while I was there. So you DID do the right thing. If you hadn’t left, we wouldn’t be here right now. And Millie wouldn’t even exist. They wouldn’t have cared. If you were pregnant. It wouldn’t have stopped them from killing you.”

“I don’t even like thinking about that. Her NOT being here. She’s everything I ever wanted. And everything I don’t deserve.”

“There you go selling yourself short again. You deserve so much, Esme. You’re not the monster you think you are. Far from it.”

“Boy, deja vu. I seem to remember saying those EXACT same words. More than once.”

“And I learned, didn’t I? It finally got through to me.”

“You’re a lot better, that’s for sure. You’re not filled with as much self-hatred as you used to be. You know what that means, don’t you?”

“What?”

“You really can teach an old dog new tricks.”

Tyler smirks. “You are such a bitch.”

Esme laughs when he aggressively slaps and pinches her ass, then gives a content sigh when he kisses her; long and languid and deep, naked limbs sliding along one another and against the cool, wrinkled sheets. Her breath soft against his skin when she once more rests her head on the centre of his chest; her fingers drawing continuous circles around his navel while his repeatedly comb through her hair.

*****

He finds himself teetering on the edge of sleep when he feels her move against him; placing a forearm across his torso, her chin resting upon it as she peers up at him.

Pressing a kiss to her nose, his hand slides to the nape of her neck. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“How have things been? With you?”

“You mean in general, or…?”

“In the last two, three years. That’s when you started scaling back on things, right? Trying your hand at a more normal life.”

“Nothing’s been normal about my life. Not for a long time. And especially not since you left.”

“I mean stuff like firefighting. And starting your business. How HAVE things been?”

“Guess I overestimated your spying abilities,” he teases and skims his knuckles across her cheek. “I thought you knew everything there was to know.”

“My spying stopped at your personal life. I knew the basics; the firefighting and how you started your own business. To be honest, I think I was scared to venture past those things.”

Cradling her cheek in his palm, he brushes the pad of his thumb over her lips. “Scared? Of what?”

“Finding out you were with someone. I know that sounds pretty stupid, considering I’m the one who fucked everything up. You had every right to go on with your life; to meet someone and fall in love and everything else that comes after that.”

“I was already in love. With YOU. And that wasn’t going to change.”

“Were you with other people? Other than Delaney.”

“Maybe in the biblical sense.”

“THAT I expected. For you to go back to sowing your wild oats all over the place.”

“Wasn’t all over the place. Just the vast majority of the northern territory. Well, the western part of it, anyway.”

“Oh, lovely. Does this mean I’m going to go to the grocery store and meet up with all kinds of women you’ve bumped uglies with?”

“I never pissed in my own front yard. It would have been too fucking awkward; running into a bunch of one-night stands.”

“I am marrying a whore,” she laughs, and presses a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. Briefly capturing his bottom lip between teeth when she pulls away.

“I promise you won’t run into any of my conquests while picking Millie up at school or grabbing something at Maccas.”

“Good. Because the last thing I want is to be sharing stories about your dick and its abilities while I’m in line at the store, waiting to buy shit tickets. “

He arches a quizzical brow. “Shit tickets?”

“Toilet paper.”

“And you say us Aussies have weird slang.”

“You know how long it took me to get used to the words you’d use in conversation? Or even your accent for that matter? It wasn’t that easy; trying to decipher exactly WHAT you were saying half the time. I remember how strong it got; when we were living in The Kimberley. I guess it was from being home so much.”

“Think it was easy getting used to you? You’ve got a pretty wicked accent yourself.”

“I most certainly do not.”

“You do.”

“I’m from Colorado. People from Colorado do NOT have accents.”

Raising his head from his pillow, he presses a kiss to her brow. “Trust me, babe. You do.”

“So other than Delaney…” A fingertip drifts over the scar that runs over the bridge of his nose. “...it was just one-night stands? No relationships?”

“No relationships.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to be in one.”

“Didn’t want to be in one or couldn’t find anyone worthy enough to be in one with?”

“A mix of both, maybe. I didn’t want anyone else, Esme. Not in that way. A serious way. I wanted YOU. And if it meant I waited forever or you never found your back…”

“You would have found someone eventually. Someone that you’d fall madly in love with. Marry, have a family…”

“No. I wouldn’t have. Because that is everything I wanted with YOU. Not anyone else.”

“You don’t think you could have learned to love her? Delaney? That you could have moved on and…”

“How could I move on when I was still in love with you? When I always would be in love with you. And why are we even having this conversation? This is supposed to be the start. Of everything. Of US. And talking about this…”

“I’m just curious. Trying to fill in the gaps, I guess. Because I love you and I want to know what I missed. Even if it makes me uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t miss much, believe me.”

“Do you like it? Firefighting?”

“It’s a job. The pay’s decent. Got a little bit of edge. Keeps me busy, at least.”

“You’ve never been one to sit still for very long. Not that surprising you’d thrive at something that keeps you on your toes all the time.”

“I don’t know how much it keeps me on my toes. Not the busiest area. We don’t get a lot of action. I do get a lot of cats out of trees, though.” He gives a playful wink. “And ladies love a guy in uniform, so…”

“I’ve yet to see you in uniform, but I bet you’re hot as fuck. Especially in your turn-out gear.”

“I didn’t think you’d be into that kind of thing. Seeing as your brother is a firefighter.”

“Believe me, Tae. Nothing about you could ever remind me of my brother.”

His eyes close as her fingertips explore the scar on the left side of his forehead and the second one lower on his cheekbone. It’s a form of intimacy as its purest and most innocent of roots; the soft and tender touch of a lover who adores and worships you. Who knows every inch of your body; every blemish, every imperfection. And it’s a closeness…a level of trust and vulnerability…that he’s never experienced with anyone but her.

“What about the business? I assume that’s doing pretty good.”

“Better than I ever thought it would. Got a lot of regular clients, and more and more are coming aboard all the time.”

“Do you have people that work for you?”

“I have a few full-time guys. That deal with the heavy-duty stuff; concentrate on the real manual labour. And a handful of students who help out on weekends and during school breaks. They do small repairs, landscaping stuff, things like that.”

“Who’s in charge while you’re on your little sabbatical?”

“Koen’s my right-hand man. The guy that I trust with everything. Things are being taken care of. I’m not worried about it.”

“I knew you’d find something you’d be amazing at. You always liked working with your hands; doing your own repairs on your truck, putting up the walls and installing the new windows in that little shack of yours.”

“Of OURS.”

“Millie’s really going to get on you, you know. About that treehouse. And she’s definitely going to want to be your little helper. She loves to create. Build things. She’s got a real talent for things like that.”

“I’ll have to get her own stuff. Some tools and a toolbelt, little hardhat, some steel-toed boots.”

“She’ll love that. And probably drive us completely nuts trying to fix everything around here.”

“I’ll start her out slow. Small projects. Birdhouses, flower boxes, some planters for the garden. I promise I’ll keep her away from the power tools.”

“You’re going to have to really watch out for her. Because that child? YOUR child? Isn’t just headstrong, she is completely fearless. I wonder where she gets THAT from?”

“Her mother.”

“Hardly.”

“Well, it’s not from me, that’s for sure. ‘Cause there’s plenty of things I’m afraid of. And they all seem to involve you.”

Sighing, she presses a series of soft kisses along the scar that mars his left shoulder. “I know it did a real number on you. The accident. Seeing me like that. It’s definitely bothering you way more than you’re letting on.”

“I’m not shy. I admit it fucked me right up. All the things I’ve been through? All the people I’ve gone up against? I’ve never…EVER…been that scared. Seeing you like that? Not knowing if you were alive or dead? And if you were alive, was someone going to show up to finish things off? That was…rough.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m really proud of you. For how you handled things. Not just with getting me out of there and making sure I survived, but everything AFTER that. How you just took control. Stepped up. You were banged up and exhausted and hurting and you did what you wanted to do. For Millie. Just focused on her. Took care of her.”

“Why wouldn’t I have done all that? She’s my baby, too. My little girl.”

“It was all still so fresh. So new. You’d barely had a chance to catch your breath. Coming face to face with me, finding out you were a dad again. You had your entire world turned upside down. You…”

“No. I didn’t. I got my entire world BACK.”

His honesty is raw. Real. Powerful. Succeeding in both taking her breath away and bringing tears to her eyes.

*****

“So is this where I get to ask questions now?” His fingers move in slow, methodical circles on the small of her back. “When it comes to what you’ve been doing the last five years?”

“What more is there to know? Didn’t we cover all the bases?”

“Not quite.”

“There’s not much more to tell. Not anything of interest, anyway.”

“You didn’t work or anything? What did you do with your spare time?”

“I picked up jobs here and there. For Nik. Things I could just do from home. Background checks, basic research and tracking people down. Nothing that would draw a lot of attention. So I could stay under the radar. Or try to, at least.”

“Well, you did a pretty good job hiding from me, that’s for sure.”

“We’ve talked about this. I wasn’t hiding from you. Not intentionally, anyway. It was all so complicated. I had to protect Millie. Both of her parents were still in the life. In some way. And we’d both burned a lot of bridges and made a lot of enemies. I couldn’t take the chance that someone would come after her. I just couldn’t.”

“There were other reasons, too. You know there were.”

“Selfish ones. Staying away had nothing to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with me. You know that. We’ve been through it how many times now? It was never about you, Tyler. Not in the way you think it was. At first, it was about protecting you. Then Millie. And finally, it became about myself. Because…to make a long story short… I was a stupid, insecure little girl.”

“You’re not any of those things. It was just a messy situation. All around.” Tangling his fingers in her hair, he pulls her towards him, lips meeting the bridge of her nose. “What else did you do? Other than helping out Nik?”

“Just took care of Millie, mostly. Devoted myself to being a mom. I joined a couple of those mom and baby groups; just to get out of the house and socialize and try and make friends. When she was a few months old, I even signed us up for yoga classes and water aerobics. Millie always loved the water. She was always so comfortable in it. Confident, even.”

“She’s gonna love it here, then. Trips to the beach, being able to swim in the ocean.”

“Except for the fact the thought of an encounter with a shark will be exciting to her. She’ll probably pray for it to happen. I am telling you, that girl is fearless. She’s so much like you, Tyler. More than just the physical. There’s so much of you in her. And it was kinda bittersweet, you know? Seeing you every time I looked at her but knowing I couldn’t actually be with you.”

“I mean, you could have been. But…”

“But I was a stupid little bitch. Like I said. That’s something that will eat at me for the rest of my life, believe me.”

“I don’t want it to. And I’m sorry I bring it up so much. Make you talk about it. Explain yourself. That’s not fair.”

“If anyone has the right to bring it up, it’s you.”

“I don’t want to be that kind of person. I want to be better than that. For you. And Millie.”

“I remember the first time you told me that. How I made you want to be a better man.”

“It’s true. You do.”

“I never considered you a bad man in the first place. A good man who made bad decisions, yes. But bad to your very core? Not even close.”

“You always have been full of shit,” He teases, and curls an arm around her neck, drawing her into a long, deep kiss. His lips against her temple when she settles her head on his shoulder, her eyes closed as his fingertips repeatedly graze up and down her bicep. “Tell me about the guy.”

Her hand slips lazily across his collarbone, down his chest, briefly settling on his stomach before travelling back up again. Finally coming to rest on the side of his neck, nails lightly and repeatedly scratching against the skin. “What guy?”

“The one you dated. In New York. The cop. Or detective. Or whatever the hell he was.”

Esme raises her head from his shoulder, a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. “How did you know about him?”

“A little birdie told me.”

“A little birdie, huh? What did you bribe her with? Two scoops of mint chocolate chip instead of one? Unlimited Bluey viewing on your cell phone?”

“I promised her a Porsche when she turned sixteen.”

“I wouldn’t put anything past you. You’re going to spoil her rotten.”

“I didn’t have to promise her anything. She just offered the information.”

“Out of nowhere? She just suddenly started talking about my personal life?”

“I MAY have asked her about it.”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Okay, so I did. I DID ask her. If you’d ever had a boyfriend. I was curious. I wanted to know.”

“Curious, huh?”

“And a bit jealous.”

“Just a bit?”

“A lot.”

“Why are you like this? When it comes to me and other men?”

“Like what? What am I like?”

“Self-conscious. You’ve always been. Even at the very beginning of things. And believe me…” Slipping out of bed, she stretches languorously before padding towards the dresser; a pair of plaid pyjama bottoms and tank top folded neatly on top. “...you do not come across as someone who would be self-conscious.”

“Did I say you could get out of bed? That you could put clothes on? There’s a strict ‘no clothes allowed’ rule in this room. Once that door closes…”

“I know what Millie’s like; if she wakes up in the middle of the night. She’ll come looking for me. And the last thing we need is her seeing both of us in all our naked glory.” Climbing into her pyjamas, she tosses his discarded sweats in his direction. “And don’t do that. Deflect. Answer my question.”

“I’m old.” He grimaces as he swings his legs over the side of the bed, moving slowly as he puts one leg into the pants, followed by the other. Knees cracking when he stands to pull them up. “ My brain is mush. I already forgot what the question was.”

“I asked why you are the way you are. When it comes to me and other men. Why do you always get so bent out of shape about it?”

“I don’t get bent out of shape.”

“You do.” Removing her hair out of the back of her tank top, she moves back to bed; fluffing and moulding her pillows and arranging them to her specification. “And I don’t get it. There’s nothing for you to get prickly about.”

“Like you don’t get prickly about my ex-wife. Or Delaney.”

“Being curious is not the same as being prickly. What is your hang-up? When it comes to me and other people?” She gives a content sigh when she slips back into bed, settling her head on a pillow before rolling onto her side to face him. “It’s not like any of them are still in the picture. And even if they were, they still wouldn’t be a threat to you.”

“I don’t see them as a threat. I know what I bring to the table. It’s not about feeling threatened.”

“What’s it about then?”

“I just don’t like it. You being with other guys.”

“I mean, I was married, remember? I’ve had boyfriends. And girlfriends, for that matter.”

“Since you left?”

“I’m talking about throughout my entire life. And did you honestly think I wouldn’t date? Or at least try to? That I would have just spent the last five years completely alone?”

“You know how you said you were okay with me going on with my life? Meeting someone else? Falling in love, getting married, all that shit?”

Esme nods.

“I’m not that gracious. Not by a long shot. I didn’t want you with anyone else.”

“For the rest of my life?”

“Well...yeah.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” She reaches for him. “Come to bed.”

“So was this guy the real deal? Someone you could have moved on with? Gotten your ‘always and forever, happily ever after’ with? Totally forget about me and…”

“Tyler, I was never going to forget about you. I carried your child inside of me. Gave birth to her. She looks just like you. Kinda hard to forget you when I’m looking at your clone every damn day. Add the fact that I was still in love with you and always would be into the mix…”

“Would you have moved on with him? Gotten married, had more kids? All of that?”

“All of that was what I wanted with you. ONLY you. So no, none of that would have ever happened. I didn’t want that life with anyone else. Just you. And if that meant I never got any of that, oh well. Now…” She pats the empty spot beside her. “...come to bed. Please? I’ll answer whatever questions you have., but just come to bed. Because you standing there like that? It’s making me incredibly anxious.”

He relents. Laying on his side with her back pressed against his front and forearm draped across her collarbone. And he presses a kiss to the back of her head before resting his cheek against hers. “What was his name?”

“Don. His name was Don. And he was a detective. Homicide.”

“How the hell did you ever meet him?”

“I worked a small job for Nik. Nothing serious. I had to find my way into the main evidence locker at One Police Plaza and steal some papers related to an old case.”

“What the fuck….?”

“Someone hired Nik because an old money laundering and embezzlement case they were involved in was going to be reopened. And if that happened, it was going to cause a big old shitstorm; he had some big-name contacts and clients of his own that would be exposed. Some really well-known people, too. Politicians, lawyers, judges. And if all that got out…”

“Heads would roll. Most likely literally.”

“Exactly. So Nik and Yaz created an entire persona for me. I had the credentials; photo identification, passport, fake driver’s licence.”

“Who were you supposed to be?”

“An agent with Homeland Security.”

“Jesus Christ. And you don’t consider THAT serious?”

“You know, for such a huge police department with apparently the best security in the country, they were sure easy to fool. It was like taking candy from a baby. I was in and out of there in ten minutes. Not even.”

“I don’t know whether to be impressed or pissed off. That you even put yourself in a situation like that. Especially with Millie in the picture. If you’d gotten caught…”

“But I didn’t. Well, not until about six months later. But that comes further in the story.”

“So the cop…”

“We met in the elevator. I was running to catch it and he held the door open for me.”

Tyler scoffs. “What a gentleman.”

She scowls over her shoulder. “I thought you promised you wouldn’t get prickly.”

“I’m not getting prickly. I just…”

“YOU asked,” she reminds him. “You wanted to know these things, right? You have questions. I’m just answering them. Do you REALLY want to hear this stuff? Or do you just want to be angry about something?”

“I’m not prickly. Or angry. I’m jealous.”

“Of what?”

“Of anyone that even looks at you the wrong way.”

“Oh for God’s sake…”

“I was never like this before. I never used to give a shit about this kind of thing. I didn’t care how many people my ex dated or fucked before me. Because I was always so far up my own ass that I knew I was better than anyone that came before me. Sometimes I miss that guy.”

“The guy you were before me.”

“I was a drunk and a drug addict before you. So, no.”

“You weren’t ALWAYS that way. You didn’t always have those issues.”

“But I was a prick in other ways.”

“I liked the guy you were when we met. Yeah, you were messy and you had your issues, but so did I. I wasn’t a picnic, either. We were both fucked up. But it didn’t stop me from falling in love with you. And staying that way.”

“And now?”

“Now I like you even more. I’m glad you’re not totally up your own ass, as you put it. I like that you’re not afraid to talk about the hard things. That you’re able to admit you’re self-conscious or…”

“I never admitted to that.”

“Or you’re feeling spiteful or hateful or jealous. I mean, as weird as it sounds, everyone should want their man to be that way. Just completely honest. Because it doesn’t do anyone a lick of good if they keep that all bottled up.”

“So what you’re saying is that it’s okay to be a prickly asshole.”

“Don’t push your luck, Tyler.”

Grinning, he =presses a kiss to her temple. “So, this guy…”

“What more is there to know? You asked how I met him. I told you. What more do you need?”

“You just chatted in an elevator and hooked up with him, or…?”

“He asked me out for an Irish coffee. I said yes. It was as simple as that.”

“Irish coffee, huh? So that’s what the kids are calling it these days.”

“We went out. One date turned into two, two turned into three. Three turned into a relationship.”

“A serious one, or…”

“I mean, we were exclusive. We didn’t date other people. We just…I don’t know…we just did our thing.”

“Did you do HIM?”

“Tyler…”

“I want to know, okay? I NEED to know.”

“Why?”

“Because I do.”

Sighing, she presses a kiss to his forearm, then rolls over to face him. “That’s not an acceptable answer for anyone over seven.”

“Did you? I mean, I think I already know the answer, but…”

“I didn’t sleep with him. And believe me, it wasn’t for lack of opportunity. I won’t lie to you; we did other things and I enjoyed them. I enjoyed them a lot, actually. It was nice; to feel beautiful and wanted and to have someone completely and utterly devoted to you.”

“I would have given you all that. I DID give you all that.”

“And I WANTED it to be you. More than I ever wanted anything in my entire life. But it wasn’t a good time. To just show up on your doorstep. It was all so complicated. Confusing. And I needed to protect Millie. We’ve both burned a lot of bridges, Tyler. Crossed a lot of really bad people. I couldn’t put her at risk. I just couldn’t.”

“But you can now?”

“So much has changed. We’re both walking away. From this life. And I know all of this probably doesn’t make much sense to you. But it makes sense to me.”

“And you couldn’t seal the deal with this guy because…”

“Because it wasn’t fair. To him. To let things get THAT serious. He was a good man and he was great to me and Millie. But I couldn’t give him THAT. That part of me. I just couldn’t. And he didn’t realize it and I never told him about you, but It was always a competition. Between you and him. Everything he did, everything he said. All I would think about is how YOU would handle things. The things YOU would say. And I tried; I really did. But he deserved better than that; a woman who thought of someone else every time he touched or kissed her. That wasn’t fair to him. He wasn’t a bad person. Far from it.”

“I kind of feel bad now. For handling the five years like I did. Me and my wandering dick.”

“Why would you feel bad? Those were my issues. Not yours. You had every right to go on; to deal with things however way you wanted to. You were the one that got hurt.”

“Sometimes I wonder if you hurt yourself more than you hurt me.”

“It wasn’t easy. I didn’t want to leave. And I didn’t want all that time to go by; flying under the radar and keeping Millie a secret. But it was so complicated. The lives we were both living. It was never to punish you or hurt you. It was to protect you. And her.”

He nods slowly, considering her words. “So is that why things went bad? Between you and the cop? ‘Cause you wouldn’t pull the trigger?”

“He was very understanding. Very patient. He just assumed I’d come out of a bad situation and I just wasn’t ready for that kind of thing. And I didn’t bother telling him any differently.”

“So what happened? What made him walk?”

“You mean there’s something the little birdie DIDN’T tell you?”

“She did. But I’d rather hear it from you. How’d he find out? About who you REALLY were?”

“I told him.”

“That was risky.”

“Once I realized he was getting more serious and deeper into things than I expected him to, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’d spent six months with him; half a year pretending to be someone I wasn’t.”

“Were you getting more serious about things? About HIM?”

“I mean, I liked him. I was attracted to him. And he was very good to me and Millie. He spoiled the hell out of her and she liked having him around; he took her to baseball and hockey games, they went to the zoo and the movies, he braved the Macy’s toy department more than once.”

“And I want to be happy about all that, but…”

“You weren’t there, Tyler. Through no fault of your own. Millie needed someone. A father figure. She wanted someone like that in her life.”

“She had someone like that. She had a DAD. That would have been there had he known she even existed.”

“And THIS is why I didn’t want to talk about this stuff. No matter what I say or do, it’s only going to upset you. You say you want to know everything, but deep down…”

“I have a right to know all of this stuff. I haven’t hid anything from you. About what I was up to in the last five years. I was totally honest about Delaney. It should go both ways, don’t you think?”

“I don’t want to fight. I get it; you’re hurt and you’re angry and you need to take it out on someone. I get it, Tyler. And I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do. You have every right to be pissed. But do you REALLY want to keep doing this? Bringing it up over and over again? Finding fault in everything I say? You tell me you want to hear these things and then…”

“I’m not trying to fight.” He uses his fingertips to clear hair away from the side of her face and loop it behind her ears, then presses a soft, reassuring kiss to her lips. “And I’m sorry. For acting like a prick sometimes.”

“I never said THAT.”

“Not in so many words.”

“I’m not trying to take away how you feel. You have every right to be pissed off. And hurt. You even have the right to take it out on me. But…”

“I don’t have that right. At all. And I don’t mean to do it. I know it hurts you. And you’re the last person I ever want to hurt, believe me.”

“We need help, Tyler. PROFESSIONAL help. Or we’re GOING to need it. To get past all of this. To deal with how we’re both feeling. You and your anger and your hurt and me and my regret and my guilt. I don’t think we can do it alone. Or that it’s healthy for either of us to even try.”

“You want me to see a shrink.”

“Not a shrink. A counsellor. And not just you. US. Someone who can sit with us and help us unpack all of this and work through it. I think deep down, you realize we need it. That kind of help.”

“If you think that’s the way to go…”

“I think it’s something we need to at least try. And then just go from there.”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Including THAT.”

“Now that’s true love,” she teases, and presses a chaste to the corner of his mouth. “And I think it might do Millie some good, too. To talk to someone. She’s been through a lot; seen and heard things no kid should ever have to. I know she’s a tough little thing, but I also know she’s a lot like you; when it comes to shoving things down and pretending they don’t exist. I don’t want her growing up like that. And I know you don’t either.”

“I don’t. I don’t want that at all. Whatever she needs…whatever WE need…we’ll make it happen.”

Smiling, she kisses him; long and soft and sweet. And when she pulls away, his palm still cradles the side of her face; thumb repeatedly brushing against her cheek. “I didn’t love him.”

“I never…”

“You were going to ask. I knew it was coming.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“I was attracted to him. I cared for him. Deeply. But I didn’t love him. And I don’t think I ever would have.”

“He must have loved you. He just let you walk. After he found out the truth.”

“Maybe? I don’t know. He never said he did. Sometimes I felt, you know? And I wasn’t ready for that. I probably never would have been. None of it was fair to him; lying about who I was, allowing him to get so close, letting him think that maybe there was some kind of future…a happy ever after…in the cards. He deserved a lot better than that. A lot better than ME.”

“You’re not a horrible person, Esme. You’re…”

“I hurt people. Even the ones I love the most. It’s who I am. It’s what I do.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You didn’t do things because you wanted to. You did them because you HAD to. It was just part of the job. If you didn’t lie about who you were, the ending would have been a lot worse than fucking up some guy’s ego.”

“I should have never gotten involved with him. I should have done everything possible to just keep my distance. But I was lonely. I wanted someone in my life. Maybe not to have a serious thing with; I didn’t want to live with someone or get married or grow old and gray with them. He made me feel beautiful. He made me feel wanted. I hadn’t felt that in so long. And if I couldn’t get it from the person I wanted it from, I had to settle. SETTLE. How horrible does that make me sound? Talking about another human being like that?”

“It doesn’t sound horrible. It sounds…”

“Needy? Desperate?”

“No. It just sounds…sad.”

“Sad as in pathetic or…?”

“YOU sound sad. When you talk about it. And you must have been sad when it was happening.”

“I missed you. Every second of every day. And it got worse when Millie came along. I had wanted to be a mom for so long. And I finally had this beautiful little girl. Everything I ever longed for. But I couldn’t share her with you. And that wasn’t fair. To either of us. Or you.”

“See? You did hurt yourself more than you hurt me.”

“You have no idea what I went through. I just tried to shut myself off. I was in love with someone I couldn’t be with. Through no fault of his. He’d done nothing wrong. So I told myself I’d never let that happen again. Get close to someone. That it was better if I just concentrated on being a mom. And that’s what I tried to do. I DID. But…”

“Then you met this guy…”

“All of a sudden, I wasn’t as lonely anymore. There was this man that wanted me. And no, it wasn’t nearly to the depths you did. But it was…something. And I desperately needed it. More than I wanted to admit. All I wanted was to feel something…anything…again. But the more I felt for him, the more I missed you. And that’s when the competition began. He was never going to be YOU. Not even close. No matter how good of a person he was.”

“Did he just walk away or…?”

“He was hurt. Rightfully so. It’s kind of a kick in the nuts when you hear something like that; that the person you’ve spent six months with was nothing but a fake. And he felt stupid; that he didn’t sense that there was something wrong or that there was something I was hiding from him. I told him not to take it personally. It wasn’t any fault or weakness on his part. I was just that good at my job.”

“You must have horseshoes up your ass. ‘Cause for him to just walk away instead of not locking you up…”

“Maybe he felt bad for Millie. Putting me away meant she’d have no one. And I don’t think he’s the type to do that to a little kid.”

“You know what I think? I think he was in love with you. That’s why he was so forgiving.”

“And I think you’re reading too much into things.”

“I can’t say I blame him, though. I know from personal experience how easy it is. And how fast it can happen.”

“Now I think you’re overestimating my appeal.”

“Not in the fucking slightest.”

A smile curves her lips, and she reaches up to sweep hair off his forehead. A hand on his cheek as she leans in to kiss him.

“Thank you.” The fingertips of both hands slide across her shoulders and down either side of her spine, gently squeezing her ass when his lips meet her brow. For telling me. About him.”

“Thank you for not totally losing your shit. I was worried there for a minute.”

“Oh believe me, inside I was throwing tables and punching holes in walls.”

“Because that’s healthy,” she chides, cradling his face in her palms as she presses a kiss to each corner of his mouth, his cheek, chin, and finally his lips. And when she pulls away, she finds herself rendered breathless by the way he regards her; the pure adoration and devotion that softens his face and sparkles in his eyes.

It’s overwhelming at times. To be worshipped and loved in such a manner. Realizing that you’ve become such an enormous and integral part of someone’s existence. Yet it’s a love that many fear will never find them; so beautiful and all-consuming and life-altering.

Running the pad of her thumb over his lips, she sweeps her knuckles along his jaw and then wraps both arms around him. Her body pressed tightly against his as she tucks her face into that favourite spot of hers; that secure, safe place between neck and shoulder.

“It’s always been you, Tyler.” Her breath is warm and sweet against his skin. “It will always be you.”

#Tyler and Esme series #Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fanfic #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction #Extraction 2 #Extraction fan fic #Extraction fan fiction #Tyler Rake x OFC #Esme Drummond #Esme Rake #Chris Hemsworth #Chris Hemsworth Extraction

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chickensarentcheap · 1 year

Text

Lost and Found- Chapter 10

Fandom: Extraction

Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Drummond (established OFC. Although you do not need to read the others to understand this one)

Warnings: angst, profanity, some brief smut

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @secretaryunpaid @youflickedtooharddamnit @residentdormouse @asirensrage @munstysmind @muchadoaboutcj @starryeyes2000 @ninjasawakenedmystar @karimac @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @occommunity @themaradaniels

My tag list is OPEN. Just give me a shout if you’d like to added :)

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43179357/chapters/118354309

*******

He answers the door in just a pair of jeans; worn dangerously low on his hips with both his belt and top button still undone. Droplets of water glistening upon bare, tanned skin as he continues to vigorously towel dry his hair. And for what seems like an eternity she’s dumbstruck; rendered speechless as she hungrily eyes the work of art that stands before her. It’s a reaction that’s both unexpected and embarrassing; never anticipating his lack of apparel or the way her body, heart, and mind respond to it. After all, she’d seen him wearing far less many times; nearly a year spent sharing the same bed and feeding and nurturing every one of their carnal needs and desires. But it feels as if it’s the first time seeing him this way; as if Dhaka and those five days had never existed nor had they ever shared a life together. He’s noticeably thicker now; a mixture of more time spent in the gym, a physically gruelling profession, and the extra weight that’s taken up residence around his waist. He’s aged like a fine wine. In possession of a body and mind that have not only been stretched to their absolute limits, but somehow managed to come back better than ever.

She feels the ferocious blush that creeps into her cheeks; poker hot and rapidly spreading to the bottom of her chin and the tips of her ears. And she can’t help herself; top teeth dragging over her bottom lip as her eyes make a long, slow pass over the length of his half-naked frame. Her stomach clenches and her throat feels impossibly dry; accompanied by the pounding of her heart and the almost agonizing burn between her legs. It’s shocking; another human being having that kind of power and control. Able to turn you into a desperate, needy mess without having to put any effort into it. And it’s always been that way with Tyler; a shared physical and sexual attraction that is so immediate and intense and all-consuming.. The first lover who’d ever had that kind of effect on her; capable of turning her into a quivering and begging mess with nothing more than the sound of his voice and a heated, hungry glance.

Yet he’d always been oblivious about the kind of power he actually held; never any boasting or the slightest hint of conceit even if he DID realize what the simplest of touches or the sweetest, most innocent of kisses could do to her. A phenomenally attractive man that didn’t seem to realize it; never one to fret over his general appearance or his wardrobe. Down to earth and shockingly humble; seemingly unaware of his piercing blue eyes and his strong jaw and the way those longer strands of hair perfectly fell across his forehead. Confident in his looks, yet never cocky; not caring what other people thought of his apparel or the tattoos that decorated his skin but sometimes lamenting about the variety of scars that he’d collected over the years.

There’s a telltale throbbing between her legs and beads of sweat that gather at her temples and the nape of her neck. It’s been so long since she’d been this close to him; able to see the droplets of water on his skin and smell the body wash and shampoo that he had used. And then there are the scars he’s gained over the course of five years; souvenirs of a dangerous and unpredictable life. A mixture of long and jagged lines caused by self-administered care and smooth, circular marks left behind by bullet wounds.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…” She noisily clears her throat and quickly glances away; hoping and praying he doesn’t pick up on her discomfort. “...I wasn’t expecting…this…you…like this….I…”

A tinge of pink takes up residence in his cheeks. She remains the only person on earth that can get that kind of reaction out of him; able to transform the big, bad mercenary into a blushing, awkward mess. And it’s always been so refreshing; knowing the pain and havoc he’s capable of causing yet bearing witness to that softer and more human side. “I wasn’t expecting you for another half an hour.”

“I didn’t think I was THAT early. Millie settled quicker than I thought she would, so I thought I’d just show up. I didn’t think I’d be interrupting anything.” Her embarrassment increases and she bites down on her bottom lip in an attempt to halt the nervous rambling. “ I’m not, am I? Interrupting anything?”

“What would you be interrupting?”

“Well…I mean… you could have company. New York City is a big place. You’re a good-looking guy and there’s tons of beautiful and available women out there. Maybe you found one. You could have been busy doing things when I showed up. You know, things that you need to take a shower after. Oh God…” She lowers her voice and peers past him into the room. “That’s not it, is it? I didn’t interrupt you and…whoever.”

“There’s no one here but me. I’m not in town for that kind of thing. Besides, I’ve learned my lesson; when it comes to mixing business with pleasure.”

She visibly winces. “I guess I deserved that. “

“I didn’t mean it that way. I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about…”

“I can come back. If you need some time to get yourself together. I shouldn’t have shown up early. I’m sorry; I should have texted or…”

The thought of watching her walk away -albeit temporarily- sets something off inside of him, and he steps into the doorway; his much larger, stronger frame effectively barring her from leaving. “You don’t have to go. Just give me a few; so I can dry off and put some clothes on.”

“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable doing all that without me here? I can just go downstairs and get something to drink. Or I can just wait in the hall and you can just let me know when it’s okay to come in. I AM early and you don’t really owe me an explanation or…”

“Don’t go.”

“If you need a little time to get yourself together…”

“Don’t go,” he forcibly repeats, then manages a small smile while adding, “Please.”

“Are you sure? Because if you’re just saying that because you don’t want to hurt my feelings…”

“I WANT you to stay. There’s no reason for you to leave. It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.”

She manages a small smile. “I hate this. So much. This….awkwardness. It was never like this. Between us. And it sucks. I hate it and I hate that I’m the reason things are the way they are.”

“A lot’s happened. I’d be surprised if things weren’t a little weird.”

“I never wanted any of this. I never meant to ruin things. To hurt you. I never…”

Draping the towel around his neck, he reaches out; laying a hand on the small of her back and gently pulling her closer. “Let’s just go inside. We can talk in there. We don’t need to stand out there and get into it. Not everyone needs to know our business.”

Nodding in agreement, she allows herself to be escorted into the open-concept suite; immediately missing the warmth and weight of his hand upon her body when he steps away. It’s so damn hard; to be desperately in love with someone who most likely despises you. Possessing such powerful and overwhelming feelings yet knowing you most likely ruined any chance of reconciliation; keeping Millie’s existence a secret was surely the final in the coffin. She had wounded him deeply. He had trusted her with every ounce of his being and transformed his entire life in order for them to have a future together and she’d turned around and betrayed him in the worst possible way. Seeing the undeniable hurt and anger and disgust on his face the moment Millie had left the room. He had known the moment he laid eyes on her that the little girl was his; sharing the same vivid blue eyes and the colour and texture of hair and the long and lanky frame. Despite his fears of being a dad again, he’d been more than willing to welcome a child into the world; determined to do everything right the second time around. And he’d been robbed of the chance.

She noisily clears her throat and diverts her eyes as he rummages through his lone piece of luggage for a clean shirt; the simple movements causing the muscles in his arms and back to bulge and ripple. And she wanders towards the table by the balcony door; focusing her attention on the open laptop, a half empty glass of water, and a bottle of prescription medication. Chewing pensively on her bottom lip, she picks up the latter and briefly inspects the information on the label; relieved to discover they aren’t painkillers, nor is there any form of alcohol in sight.

“Antibiotics.” His voice makes her jump as he suddenly appears beside her; plucking the meds out of her hand and tossing them in the direction of the rucksack that sits open in the middle of the bed. “Caught a hell of a cold on the last job. Settled in my chest. Just finally getting over it.”

“We used to worry about that. Every time you got sick, it always went right to your lungs. And with your left one being the way it is…”

“I figure if a sixteen-year-old with a hell of a lucky shot can’t kill me, a chest infection sure as hell won’t.”

“What about other things? Have you been taking anything else or…?”

“You mean am I back to being a pill junkie again? That’s what you’re asking, yeah? That’s what you want to know? If I’m back on the oxy? Or worse?”

“I never…”

“I’m clean. Other than over-the-counter pain shit. I’ve been clean for almost five years now. Since Dhaka.”

“Tyler, I didn’t mean to…”

“You didn’t break me that badly, Esme. Not enough to make me go back to that. To being ‘that guy’. Not even you have that kind of power.” It’s a lie of course; he’d come close many times to turning back to the booze and the pain meds in order to numb both physical and mental agony. But he’d somehow managed to stay clean and vowed to stay that way. Convincing himself that as long as there was a chance that she may wander back into his life, she deserved someone who was on the right track. Not a carbon copy of the mess he’d been when they first met.

“I didn’t come here for this. To fight with you. And I wasn’t suggesting that you were using. In the same way I wasn’t accusing you of anything or….”

Leaning back against the table, he crosses his arms over his chest. “Who’s with Millie?”

“Abeula and Nik. And there’s a couple of guys that stay on the floor and split up guard duty. She’s in good hands. She’s safe.”

Scoffing, he reaches behind him for the glass of water; lips poised at the rim. “Forgive me if I don’t have a lot of confidence in Nik right now.”

“She only did what I asked her to do. I asked her not to tell you where I was. Or why I left. I figured I’d get a chance to do all of that myself. But things were way more complicated and messy and dangerous than even I expected them to be. And then weeks turned into months into…”

“Five years. Five…fucking…years.”

“I never meant for it to get to this. For things to last as long as they did. And there’s really no excuse; I had a lot of chances to make things right. There were a lot of times I could have contacted you. Where I could have called and explained why I did what I did. Where I could have even come to see you. Talked face to face. Brought Millie to meet you and…”

“But you didn’t. All the chances but you never bothered. You couldn’t even let me know that you were alive. That would have been enough; knowing that you were okay. Even if you hadn’t wanted to come home. Work things out. I would have been able to deal with that. But you couldn’t even pick up a fucking phone and let me know you were alright.”

“It wasn’t that easy. Not at first. It wasn’t as simple as texting or leaving you a voicemail. Things were ugly for a long time and I couldn’t take the chance that you’d get hurt. Or worse. I didn’t want that on your doorstep. I didn’t want to bring that to you. You deserved better than that.”

“I deserved better than what you did. You just left. While I was gone. You didn’t even wait until I got back from Broome. I got home and you were gone. No explanation, no apology, no telling me that I’d fucked up and…”

“It wasn’t you. You didn’t ‘fuck up’. It had nothing to do with you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I got home and you were gone and I thought something happened to you. That someone had gotten a hold of you. You didn’t stop to think about that? That that’s what I’d think?”

“I thought when you saw the note…”

“That was a note? That was fucking bullshit is what it was. “I’m sorry”? What the fuck was that?”

“I didn’t know what else to say.” It sounds lame. Eve to her own ears. “ I couldn’t tell you; the reason that I left. I didn’t want you getting involved.”

“We bought a house together. We were talking about getting married. About starting a family. I was already pretty fucking involved, don’t you think?”

“It wasn’t your fight to fight, Tyler.”

“That’s horseshit and you know it. We made a life together, Esme. We were planning a future. It was up to me to protect you. To take care of you.”

“It wasn’t a one-way street. Our life together. I protected you and took care of you just as much as you did me. It wasn’t all you, Tyler. It wasn’t just you putting the work in. I stayed in Australia. I gave up my old life so I could have one with you. It wasn’t just you that made sacrifices and changed. We BOTH did.”

“Which means that whatever was going on? It was up to both of us to fix it. To fight to make things work.”

“I did what I did to protect you. I knew that if I stayed and they came for me, you would have done whatever you could to protect me. To keep me safe. That you would have back and…”

“You’re right. I would have done anything. For you. Just like I did in Dhaka. Everything we’d been through. Esme. From the very beginning. And you still couldn’t trust me? To keep you safe?”

“It had nothing to do with trusting you,” she argues. “I have ALWAYS trusted you. Which is why you’re even in New York City. I have never once doubted you. Or the things you could do. I know how strong you are. I know the skills you have. But it had only been eight months since Dhaka and you still weren’t a hundred percent and I couldn’t put you at risk. I just couldn’t. I didn’t want you getting hurt. Or worse.”

“Who the fuck was after you? The Russian Mob? The IRA? There’s not a lot of people I can’t handle. If I could somehow survive Mahajan and Asif and their bullshit…”

“You wouldn’t have survived this. Not these people. You wouldn’t have stood a chance. They were vast and they were powerful and they would have brought all kinds of hell down on us. On YOU. And I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t put a target on your back. Not when it came to them. I’m sorry, Tyler. But I did what I had to do. To keep you safe.”

“And it took five years? For things to settle down? Or did you just decide after a little while that I’d never been worth anything to you in the first place. I never meant a thing, did I. Not really. If I had, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. We would have had it a long time ago.”

“None of that is true. You meant everything to me. Our life together? That meant everything. I didn’t do what I did to hurt you. Or to punish you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I did it to protect you. To keep you safe. And I’m sorry; that I let it get this out of hand. That I never contacted you when things settled down. I wanted to, believe me. I wanted things to go back to normal. I wanted nothing more than to be with you. And I…”

“But you never did. You never did get a hold of me. Not even when you had a baby. MY baby. She is, yeah? Mine?” He regrets that years of simmering hurt and anger have led to even asking the question; the hurt that stiffens her body and darkens her face and brings tears to her eyes. It’s the last thing he wanted even in the midst of his own suffering. But it’s always been his weakness; hot-headed from an extremely early age and never able to stop himself from lashing out. And hurting those that he loved the most.

“You really have to ask that? You’ve seen her. She looks just like you.”

“How do I know you weren’t fucking some other Aussie that happened to look like me? Taking off might not have been the only thing you were doing that weekend.”

“You know what? I’m just going to leave things here. For now. Because obviously, you’re not in the mood to listen to a thing I have to say. And I get it; you’re hurt and you’re angry and you’re lashing out. You’ve always been like this. You get defensive and you snap and you say things you don’t really mean.”

“I have every right to be pissed. And hurt. I think I earned it. Deserve it.”

“You do. And I’m not trying to downplay how you feel. I’m owning my shit; acknowledging what I did and feeling horrible for it. But you’re not even attempting to listen to me, let alone understand. And for you to stoop that low and bring Millie into this…”

“I’m not bringing her into this. You brought her into it. How would you feel? If you found out you had a kid? That’s been kept from you? You wouldn’t be upset?”

“Of course, I would. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t be angry. I never meant for things to go on this long. But I have my reasons.”

He gives a derisive snort. “Excuses, you mean.”

“No. Legit reasons. That you won’t even listen to right now. And I get it; you’ve had a hell of a day and this is all still really fresh. But you had no right asking if she was yours. There is no reason you can deny her. Not one that isn’t fuelled by spite, at least. She IS yours. And there was never anyone else. There was only you. I never wanted anyone but you. And for you to even suggest that I fucked around on you…”

“You were quick to fuck me in Dhaka. How do I know you didn’t find someone else that brought that out of you?”

“I’m not even going to entertain that question. You know that I would never do that. Cheat on you. Not after everything I went through with Mark. Not after swearing I would never trust someone again. That I’d never let anyone get that close. And what happened? I met you and all of that changed. I didn’t want anyone else. And I certainly didn’t NEED anyone else.”

“I want to believe you.”

“Are you forgetting the simple fact we lived in the middle of bum fuck nowhere? In a fucking shack we shared with a dog and a chicken?! How the hell would I even meet someone? We couldn’t have anything delivered. The closest place to order food from was two hours away, we had to go into Broome just to pick up Amazon packages. Who I was going to fuck, Tyler?”

He shrugs. “Could have met someone online.”

“I can’t believe you’re even doubling down on this. To be so bold while knowing you’re so wrong. There was never anyone but you. And that is our daughter. YOUR daughter. You can say what you want about me, but she’s totally innocent. And she’s smart and she’s beautiful and she’s everything that was perfect about us. Don’t do that to her. She doesn’t deserve that.”

“She didn’t deserve to not have two parents either.”

“Alright…” Esme holds her hands up in surrender. “...this is going nowhere. You’re just interested in hurting me. I get it. And you know, I deserve it. I could have handled things better. Especially when the smoke cleared and the dust settled. But you could at least hear me out. And seeing as you’re not in the right place to listen and understand, I’m not going to push it. It’s all really fresh and it’s a lot to deal with and I’m going to leave it to you. Maybe once you sleep on things, we can actually sit and talk. Like rational human beings.”

She attempts to leave; arms crossed over her chest and she steps past him and heads for the door. At first he simply watches; observing the slumped, defeated shoulders and the way tucks her chin into her chest. Silently berating himself for stooping so low; for lashing out and hurting her and going against the promise he’d made to himself to stay calm and rational. It isn’t until she’s near the exit that he finally follows; crossing the room with long, purposeful strides and then standing behind her. And places his palm flat against the door just as she opens it; keeping it firmly shut, his front pressed against her back.

That simple body-to-body contact makes her noticeably shiver. Every hair standing on end and every nerve seeming as if it’s on fire. It’s been five years and it’s all still there. The love and the adoration and the often overwhelming, blinding want and need.

“Don’t go.”

“This isn’t the time for this,” she meekly protests. “It’s all still too fresh. You need time. Alone. To come to terms with everything. I know I’ve dumped a lot in your lap. Hiring you for this job and bringing you all the way here and then finding out about Millie and…”

“I don’t want you to leave. Not again.”

“Just let me go, Tyler. It’s better for both of us. If I stay, it’ll only make things worse. You need some time to…”

“I can’t let you walk away. I wasn’t there to stop you the first time. But I can stop you now.”

She turns to face him, back pressed against the door. “Do you really think it’s a good idea? Me sticking around? Because we’re just going to end up fighting. It’s all just so raw. You’ve had a hell of a day and I have really just thrown you to the wolves. If we’re just going to end up fighting….”

“I don’t want to fight. That’s the last thing I want.”

“You’re upset. And you have every right to be. But when you’re angry, you lash out. And when you lash out, I get defensive. All that’s going to do is cause more problems. It’ll be two steps forward, a hundred steps back. And I don’t want that.”

“You came here to talk. Let’s talk. No more lashing out. No fighting. Just talk.”

“I just want you to hear me out. I just want you to listen to what I have to say. I know I hurt you, Tyler. I know I could have handled things better; I made some really bad choices and some pretty shitty mistakes. And you really do have every right to be angry. To hate me. But…”

“I don’t hate you, Esme. I could never hate you.” There’s so much more he longs to say. I still love you, I never got over you. I’ve missed you.

A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “Thank you. I needed you to say that. And I really needed to hear it.”

“Can we? Talk? I’d rather do it sooner than later. I don’t want to get into the job and have all this hanging over our heads.”

“I don’t want that either. I don’t want things to be awkward between us. We’ve never had that problem. Not even in Dhaka. And I hate that I fucked it all up. That I made things so awful between us. I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Or for things to drag on like this. Will you just hear me out? Please?”

He nods. Aching to do so much more. Starting with running his knuckles along her bruised and battered cheeks and tucking loose tendrils of hair behind her ears. But instead, it's her that reaches for him; trailing a fingernail along the scar that resides on the underside of his chin.

“You added a new one. To your collection.”

“I’ve earned a few. Since the last time you saw me.”

“You look good, though. Healthy. Life hasn’t been too hard on you.��

“It wasn’t easy,” he admits. “Especially the first year. After…”

“I kept an eye on you. Not literally, of course. But I asked about you. A lot. Nik kept me updated. So I’d know how you were doing. I heard how you quit for a bit. Took some time off. You must have needed it. A chance to get away from it all.”

“It was supposed to be a full-time thing. Being retired. Trouble always seems to find me, though. I always seem to get dragged back in.”

“Is it wrong that I’m glad? That you did? Because you wouldn’t be here right now if you didn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to hire you.”

“I don’t want your money, Esme. I don’t need your money. That’s not why I agreed to this. As soon as I saw you, I knew I was going to take it. And then I met Millie…”

“There’s no one I trust. Not in the way I trust you. That’s why I had Nik contact you. About the job. Because I knew I could trust you with the most precious thing in my life. I knew you could keep Millie safe. That you’d do anything for her.”

“I’d do anything for her mumma, too.”

“Even now? After all this time?”

“Even now,” he confirms.

Her palm cradles the side of his face; eyes locked on his as she runs the pad of her thumb across his lips. And he meets no resistance when he rests on the small of her back; escorting her back into the living room, and gesturing for her to take a seat on the couch.

“Want something to drink? I’ve only got bottled water. Or I could order something from room service. A tea or…?”

“Water is fine. Thank you.”

She watches as he journeys to the small wet bar in the corner of the room; noticing that the limp in his right leg is more noticeable than when they’d been together. And that his thighs and his calves are much thicker; denim tight against bulging muscle and the extra weight he now carries. At least thirty pounds heavier than when they’d first met and started their life together; shoulders and back and chest broader, arms bulkier, his face fuller. And she smiles as he returns, twisting off the caps on two bottles of water before holding one out in offering. She graciously accepts; enjoying the small and innocent moment of physical contact when he drops down beside her; close enough that his thigh presses against hers.

“You’ve been sober too? All this time?”

Nodding, Tyler takes a sip of his drink. “Not for lack of wanting to, that’s for sure.”

“That’s quite the feat. Staying on the right track. I’m proud of you.”

“I only have you to thank for it. Every time I wanted to drink or I wanted to swallow some oxy, I’d think about how disappointed you’d be; when you came back and found out I was a complete fucking mess again. And even when I finally did yank my head out of my ass and realized you weren’t coming home, I held onto it. What you’d think if you knew I was back on my bullshit.”

“Tyler…I….”

“It kept me from doing some damage. If I’d gone back to what I was like before you, I wouldn’t be here right now. So maybe that’s the bright side. Of you leaving. Holding out hope kept me on this side of the ground.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad that you are. And I’m glad that you’re doing so well. That life hasn’t been too rough on you. You deserve better than that. In the same way you deserve so much better than what I did to you. And I know you say you don’t hate me and that…”

“I don’t. I don’t hate you. I never could. How do you hate someone that you love this much? No way you ever could. No matter what they do to you.” Silence follows his confession. And she nervously nurses her water as he absentmindedly picks at the label on his bottle. The last thing she wants is to push him; knowing how hard it must be for him -in the midst of his lingering pain and anger- to be so raw and vulnerable.

*****

“Millie couldn’t stop talking about you,” Esme breaks the silence; opting for a topic of conversation less likely to trigger the lingering rage and hurt. “Or about your upcoming ice cream. Just went on and on and on; all through dinner, during her bath. Right up until she fell asleep.”

A smile plays on his lips. “What did she say?”

“What didn’t she say is probably the better question. She’s totally intrigued by you. She talked about how you’re tall like a giant and you’ve got big muscles and cool tattoos and scars and really ‘bitchin’ hair’.”

“She actually said that? Bitchin’?”

“That was an exact quote. I think she’s been spending too much time eavesdropping on teenage conversations while at the sitter’s. And she really loves your accent. Said she can’t wait to learn more ‘funny words’.”

“I promise I won’t teach her any of the really bad ones. I won’t have her calling anyone a ‘cunt’ before she turns five. Not even in an affectionate way.”

“I remember how shocked I was. When I first moved there and heard people just dropping that word left and right. Talk about culture shock! Call someone that here and you’re getting punched in the face. Over there you use it as a term of endearment.”

“You did alright though. Settled in nicely. Didn’t take too long for you to get used to things. Couple weeks in and you were already saying shit like Maccas, drongo, sanger.”

“Well, I guess it’s because I felt comfortable there. Like I was finally home. And I had a really good teacher, so…”

Another prolonged silence. Both hate the awkwardness that now exists between them. It’s foreign. Uncomfortable. Even during those initial moments after their first meeting things ever seem so strained.

“When is…” He begins.

“I just want to…” Esme blushes. “Sorry. Go ahead.”

“Ladies first.”

“Age before beauty,” she teases. “Besides, I think your right to answers trumps anything I have to say.”

“I was just going to ask when she was born. When her birthday is.”

“October. The seventeenth. Pretty close to your mom’s.”

“Just a few days separating them.”

“Millie was actually three weeks late. I guess she got a little too comfortable in there and decided she was going to set up camp. Permanently. I had to be induced. And even then she was reluctant when it came to being evicted. Took her thirty-six hours. Before she finally came kicking and screaming into the world.”

“Thirty six hours?”

“Well, close. VERY close. I tell you, she was stubborn right from the start.” She leans into him; playfully nudging his arm with her elbow. “Gets that from her dad.”

“I don’t know about that. You’re a hell of a lot more stubborn than I am.”

“Please! You’re the king of stubborn people! You are…hands down…the most pig-headed man…no….PERSON… I have ever met. Remember all those times the doctor told you to take it easy? When all his advice just went in one ear and out the other because, and I quote, ‘I know my body better than he does’?”

“Well, I do. I’ve only lived in for what? Almost forty years now.”

“And what good came out of pushing yourself? You were always run down, always getting sick because of it. Complications with your knee and your lung. But you never listened. Not to the doctor, not to me. You’ve always done your own thing. Regardless of who tried to talk you out of it. Remember what you used to get like? When I nag you? About taking care of yourself? You’d get all grumpy and pouty and defiant and…”

“Excuse you? Pouty? I do NOT pout.”

“You do. And it’s adorable. It’s one of the things that I used to love the most about you. The fact you can be so tough and strong and badass but so…human…at the same time. It was sexy. All those different sides of you. The ones that only I got to see.”

“You always had a way of bringing those out. All those things I thought were long dead inside of me. You always knew how to get to me. Right from the start.”

“Only because you trusted me. Because you let me see those sides of you. Even if some of those sides did drive me a little batty sometimes.”

“I drove you batty? If we’re going to talk about being pig-headed, I’m tossing you under the bus too. Remember Dhaka? Telling you to stick close to me? And what did you….?”

“I thought you were overreacting. I didn’t see a reason to have to be glued to your hip.”

“I was there to protect you. If anything had happened to you, it would have been my ass.”

“I was still in my rebellious ‘I listen to no man’ stage. I wasn’t letting you boss me around. I didn’t care how much bigger you were, you were NOT going to tell me what to do. But I learned my lesson, that’s for sure. When you tried to choke me out. Back at the hotel.”

“That is not what I was trying to do.”

“I know. You were trying to scare me off. Because you were having the ‘feels’. You liked me. You thought I was cute. You wanted to kiss me. You wanted to kiss me so bad it made you look stupid.”

“I didn’t just want to kiss you. That’s for sure.”

“You made that very clear. When you tried to put me through the wall. I have to admit, on my list of ‘first times with a new partner’, you’re at the very top. Hell, you have your own chapter.”

A blush creeps into his cheeks, slowly spreading to the tips of his ears. And when they both fall quiet, he returns to picking at the label on the water bottle as she lightly drums her fingernails against hers.

“She was born on a Tuesday,” Esme breaks the silence. “Millie. It was a beautiful fall day. It was bright and sunny; the sky was the most amazing colour of blue. And the trees…” She gives a wistful smile of remembrance. “...they’d just started turning; orange and red and gold. I was always a huge autumn in New York girl.”

“I remember how we used to talk about it. Visiting in the fall. You always used to bring up buying one of those townhouses. If we ever came into big money.”

“A brownstone. Gramercy Park. You’d love it there. It’s quaint and it’s quiet and it seems a million miles away from all the hustle and bustle. Maybe one day…” Her voice trails off.

“Tell me more,” Tyler encourages. “About Millie. Please.”

“She weighed eight pounds, eight ounces. She was the sweetest little chunk. The chubbiest cheeks I’ve ever seen. Like a little chipmunk, hoarding for the winter. And she was twenty-two inches long. All limbs. Like her dad.”

He smiles.

“She was so beautiful. She had this headful of blond hair and those gorgeous blue eyes and the longest lashes I’ve ever seen. I remember the nurse carrying her over and going on and on about how she must look like her daddy. Because she sure didn’t have any of her mom’s DNA.” Her voice cracks with emotion. “And Millie just snuggled right into me and she looked up at me with those eyes and I just…fell in love. Same way I fell in love with her dad the first time he looked at me.”

“Esme…”

“I had wanted to be a mom for so long. And then I lost the baby with Mark and my marriage became a total nightmare and everything just fell apart. I swore I’d never trust someone again. I told myself I’d never let anyone get that close to me. And if that meant I never got to have a baby, that’s the price I was willing to pay. Then you came along and you turned my world upside down and everything changed. For the better.”

“It was a hell of a way to kick things off. Everything that happened in Dhaka. Sometimes I wonder if it worked against us; it gave us some false sense of security. We figured we’d already been through the worst of it. What could possibly go wrong. Maybe we just got too comfortable.”

“I know you don’t really believe that. We were so good together, Tyler. Nothing that felt that right could ever be wrong. We just didn’t get the chance. To build on things. And we deserved better. So much better.”

“And Millie? Did you know? When you left? That you were having her?”

“No. I didn’t find out about her until after I arrived in New York. Three weeks later.”

“Why didn’t you call me? Or text me? I would have dropped everything to be with you. I would have gotten the first flight out and…”

“That’s why I didn’t contact you. Because I knew that you’d come here. I couldn’t risk that. I left Australia to protect you. And if you’d just shown up here…”

“I had a right to know. That you were pregnant. You didn’t make that baby by yourself. I deserved to know about her.”

“I wanted to tell you. As soon as I found out. Believe me, I wanted nothing more than for you to be there. Through the whole thing. It’s all I ever thought about; how different things would be if you were around. I didn’t want to be going through all that alone. Doctors appointments and ultrasounds and buying little clothes and picking names and decorating a bedroom. I WANTED you to be there. I didn’t want to be going through all that by myself.”

“You didn’t have to. You could have just called me. We could have found a way, Esme. To make things work. Whatever was going on? Whoever was after you? We would have dealt with it. Together. You didn’t have to do it alone. And you goddamn well know that.”

“I couldn’t put you at risk. I just couldn’t. If I kept you safe, it meant that you’d still be able to meet Millie. Further down the road. If I brought you into everything and something happened to you, she would never have gotten a chance to know her daddy. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I did it for BOTH of you.”

“I want to understand this. I really do. I don’t want to be this angry. Not at you. But it’s hard. It is so fucking hard. You’re the one person that I trusted. With every messy, broken fucking piece of myself. You’re the one person who knew how fucked up I was and didn’t look at me like I was some piece of shit. You knew about Austin. You knew what I did. When he was sick. You knew about all of that guilt and regret and the hate I had for myself. That I still do.”

“You were never broken. A little bent, maybe. You had a lot of dents and scratches, but you were NOT broken. I never thought of you that way. I still don’t. I didn’t keep Millie from you to hurt you.”

“We talked about having kids. You knew that I was willing to give you what you wanted. A family. Even though the idea of being a dad again scared the shit out of me. I was ready for that. To have another kid and do things right. And you never even gave me the fucking chance.”

“It wasn’t about you. Not in the way you’re thinking it was. You didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t something you did or something you said that made me leave. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay. I wanted a life with you. I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you. I left because I did.”

He places his elbows on his knees; sighing heavily as he runs his hands through his hair and over his face.

“I know you’re hurt. And I’m not trying to take that from you. Because you deserve to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. But I just want you to try and understand. Please. Can you just try? Just hear me out?”

Tyler nods.

“When you were gone with Koen, an adjudicator with the High Table showed up. There were new powers in charge, and one of the first things they decided to do was review old files. Investigate people that had been ex-communicated; find out what they did wrong and punish them if they saw fit. My name was on the list and my file was one of those that got re-opened.”

“The High Table? That is some serious underground shit. What…?”

“It was the circles I was working in. Before I met Nik. It was dark and it was dangerous and it wasn’t a past that I was proud of. Which is why I never talked about it. I wanted to forget that part of my life; being involved with people like that. I had moved on; I was given a way out. And then I started working for Nik and I never thought of all that again. I thought it was finished.”

“How the hell did you ever get on their bad side? It takes a lot to piss them off. As long as you follow their rules…”

“That’s the problem. I didn’t. I did someone a favour. I did work on Continental grounds. And I would have gotten away with it but the wrong person found out about it and told the High Table what I’d done. The only reason I wasn’t punished even worse was because both Winston and John Wick went to bat for me and the High Table agreed to only excommunicate me. I could no longer set foot on Continental grounds, or do any work for -or with- anyone associated with it. They let me just walk away. Make a new life.”

“Why did you never tell me about any of this? That THAT’S what you used to do? I knew you were involved with some heavy duty shit, but…”

“I didn’t think it mattered. That part of my life was over. It was behind me. Just like the things you’d done on the job before we met never mattered to me. There was before us and after us. I didn’t think it needed to be brought up. Would it have made a difference? In whether or not you’d want to be with me?”

“No. Of course not. I just thought something like that would have gotten brought up. At some point.”

“I never had a reason to talk about it. They weren’t a threat. They were a part of me that didn’t exist anymore.”

“Until they showed up.”

“The adjudicator said I had forty-eight hours. To get to New York City and surrender myself to the High Table. Or they were going to come back and physically take me there.”

“You should have let them. You should have called and told me what was going on. I would have come home and I would have…”

“What would you have done, Tyler? Fight back? You still weren’t a hundred percent. And I know how strong you are and I know what skills you have, but none of that would have mattered. It wouldn’t have been just one or two people. Or even six. It would have been a whole army of them. They’re vicious and they’re ruthless and they would have stopped at nothing to get their hands on me. I couldn’t take the chance. Of losing you completely. I just couldn’t.”

“How did you even get here? To New York?”

“I got a hold of Nik.” She notices the way his jaw tenses and his eyes darken) “I know she’s not your favourite person right now. But I didn’t know who else to call. I needed someone I could trust and…”

“You could have trusted me. We could have taken off. We didn’t have to stick around and wait for them to show up. If you'd just called me and told me what was going on…”

“I didn’t want you involved. I didn’t want a target on your back. So I called Nik and she got me out of Australia and to New York City. And from there, John Wick got me to a safe place. He let the High Table know I was back in the States, but he wasn’t turning me over until they gave his word that they’d spare my life.”

“And why would they do that? And why would he help you?”

“It was John that I did the work for. While on Continental grounds. He felt guilty for what I was going through and promised he’d do anything he could go to protect me. He was going to wage war against them; with the Bowery King. It’s a long and twisted and very complicated story. That’s HIS to tell. But the time he negotiated with The High Table for my safety, he was ready to go to battle against them. I never ended up having to face them.”

“And you found out about Millie. During all this.”

“About three weeks later. I hadn’t been feeling well for a while. I was sick when you went with Koen to Broome. We thought it was stress; we’d just bought a house and we were moving in two weeks and we were trying to get everything packed up. But then I got to New York and each day I felt a little worse and I then realized I’d skipped two periods so I took a test and…”

“And there was no way you could have told me? Found a way? To keep it on the down low and….”

“It was too much of a risk. I’d know you’d come here. And I was trying to avoid something happening to you. I know it’s hard to swallow and I know it seems incredibly selfish, but I didn’t do it to purposefully hurt you. I really did do it to protect you.”

Briefly closing his eyes, he pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger) “What about after? When things calmed down? Why didn’t you contact me then?”

“I wanted to. I was going to. Millie was eight months old, by then. A lot of time had passed since we last talked, let alone saw each other. I chickened out. I was afraid. That you’d be so angry at me and hate me so much that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Or Millie.”

“That never would have happened. It wouldn’t have mattered how much time had passed. If you’d called me, I would have been there. On the next plane. I would have given up my entire life for you. For her. No hesitations, no questions asked.”

“It was stupid of me. And selfish. Incredibly selfish. I didn’t mean for it to go on this long. To hurt you like this.” She reaches out; afraid to touch him at first. But the simple brush of her fingertips against the back of his neck has both his jaw and his shoulders loosening; eyes closing once more as he releases a long, almost content sigh. It encourages her to continue. Scraping her fingernails along the bottom of his hairline before dropping her hand to his shoulder; softly and repeatedly squeezing. “I’m sorry, Tyler. I am so sorry. I know you’re angry and hurt and this is a lot to digest. But I really am sorry. I didn’t leave you because I didn’t love you. I left you because I did. And I still do.”

He blinks at her admission, then turns her face into her palm when she places her hand upon his cheek. In that moment, it occurs to him just how much he’d missed her touch; far more than he’d ever admitted to even himself. Those soft and gentle hands that tended to wounds and wandered and explored his body during intimate times. Soothed his hair away from his flushed forehead or rubbed his back after a nightmare. He had missed HER. The sound of her voice and her laugh; those enormous dark eyes and the smile reserved just for him. He’d seen in that afternoon; when they’d come face to face in her suite. He’d felt it then, that intense draw to her. The want and need. The adoration and love. Still there after all these years; fighting to get past all of the hurt and the pain. even now in the midst of all the hurt and the pain. He boldly presses his forehead against hers; filled with a sense of calm as he finds himself accosted by the feel of her skin and her familiar smell. His lips briefly brush against her brow when she pulls away; sniffling as she swipes at her errant tears. And he gently pushes her hands away from her face and in order to tend to her; fingertips clearing away the droplets that glisten upon her cheeks and the sides of her nose.

“Does Millie know anything?” He inquires. “About her dad? Does she ever ask or…?”

“Lately she’s been asking a lot. All of her little friends have dads, so why doesn’t she? I knew it would happen eventually; she’d get to an age where she’d hear and notice things.”

‘What have you told her?”

“I told her that her dad lives far away. And that he’s a very good man; he’s strong and brave and resilient and has a heart bigger than his body. I told her that we were happy; we didn’t have a lot but we had each other and we were making all kinds of plans for our future. And I also told her that something bad happened and I had to leave him. So that he wouldn’t get hurt. I promised that one day when the time was right, I’d take her to meet him. And I said that I missed him. Every second of every day. For five years. And I loved him; with everything I was and everything I had. That I still do.”

Laying a hand on the back of her neck, he presses a kiss to her brow and then pulls her into him. Holding her as tightly as her tiny body will allow; her entire body shuddering violently against him as she sobs. There could never be hate; loving her with an intensity and a passion he’d never experienced before. Even now it’s so powerful; capable of taking his breath away and bringing him to his knees. And in turn, she clings desperately to him, hands tightly gripping his t-shirt.

Running a palm over her hair, he places a kiss on her temple. “It’s alright now. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not okay. It’s so far from okay. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t want to leave. I’m sorry, Tyler. I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Esme. I know you are.”

“I hope one day you can forgive me. That you won’t be so angry.”

“I’m not angry at you. At everything that happened, yeah. But not at you.”

“ I did what I thought was best. To keep you safe. And then I found out about Millie and I had to keep her safe too. She’s the most important thing in my life. My entire world. She’s all I had of you. And on those days when things got really bad and I was lonely and wanted nothing more than to be with you, all I had to do was look at her. I’d see you every time. And it made things better because I at least had a piece of you to keep me going.”

“I’m sorry, Esme. About everything that happened. That you had to do it all by yourself. I wish it could have been different. I wish I could have been there. You know that I would have, yeah? I would have been there…with you…in a heartbeat.”

Nodding, she pulls away and wipes at her tears. “It’s going to be okay,” he assures her. “I promise.”

“Things would have been so different. If I never had to leave. We’d be happy and raising Millie together and….”

“She’s got a lot of years left. She’s got a long life ahead of her. Just a little girl still.”

“I just want to start over. I just want to do things right this time. We deserve a second chance.”

“We do. And we’ll talk about that. When we’re out of New York and I’ve got you and Millie somewhere safe. I’m sure we’ll have a lot of time. To figure it all out.”

“I should go. It’s late. I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

“We’ve got four years to make up for.”

“You need sleep. It’s been a hell of a long day. Especially for you. And you’ve had a lot dumped in your lap. I am sorry, Tyler. That it ever had to come down to this. I didn’t want it to be this way; you meeting Millie like this.”

“Sometimes fate just intervenes. Whether we like the way it does it or not.’

He walks her to the door; a protective and loving hand on the back of her neck. And she turns to face him; a gentle and grateful smile curving her lips as she smiles at him, a sparkle in her tearful eyes.

“Thank you. For hearing me out. And thank you for her. Especially for her.”

He grazes his knuckles across the top of her cheek, then along her jaw. Fingertips lingering on the bottom of her chin before leaning down to press his lips to hers. She initially hesitates and then eagerly responds; standing on her tiptoes as her hands settle on his hips. And what starts as long and soft and sweet turns into something far more intense and needy; hearing and feeling the long, content sigh that escapes as his tongue pushes its way; into her mouth; her body leaning into his as her nails dig into his sides. The hunger and want and need for each other suddenly is too much to resist; his fingers hooking in the waistband of both leggings and underwear and aggressively yanking them down; pushing them down her hips and over as ass as her hands make quick work of his belt.

It’s fast and unceremonious; a half-naked, quick and uncomplicated fuck right where they stand. Eerily reminiscent of Dhaka; when two broken and lonely people had found solace in one another after years of mental anguish. Even five years later, he remains fascinated and amazed at how much punishment her little body can take. The fingers of one hand pressing into one of her ass cheeks while the others dig into her throat; sloppy kisses exchanged while she breathlessly pleads for ‘harder’ and ‘faster. Giving him the opportunity to take all of that anger and the hurt and turn it into something more constructive; enjoying the way she yanks at his hair and her legs wrap around his waist as he unleashes brutal, punishing thrusts.

When it’s over, he remains buried inside of her; her mouth peppering his neck with kisses and nibbles as he carries her across the room. Both completely spent and sated when they fall onto the bed; their limbs trembling as sweat glistens on their foreheads and gathers at their temples. And even in the midst of post-orgasmic haze he worries about protecting her; palms flat against the mattress so his outstretched arms can support his weight.

She’s quick to protest when she feels him begin to pull out; mewing in disappointment and pulling him down on top of her. “Stay,” she pleads, hands pushing through his hair; placing a line of kisses along his jaw before her lips find his ear. “Right where you are. I want to feel you inside of me. Just for a little while. I’ve missed that. So much. I’ve missed YOU.”

He kisses her in response; soft and deep and languid. Lips brushing against the tip of her nose before he rests his brow against hers and closes his eyes.

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