#here's to hoping january's funnier

[todayisafridaynight]

template

#rgg #yakuza series #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #snap sketches #i aint puttin all their names this just a summary #most dishonest summary ever not nearly enough arasawa vjAELKAV #SEE I ONLY REALLY DO COMICS FOR THE MOST PART SO TRYING TO FIND /NOT/ COMIC STUFF IS 🧍‍♂️ #july's from a comic but i really did lke that first panel too much not to include it.. lol... #i wish i was able to do more for december but ive been busy with comms and school so #here's to hoping january's funnier #and the rest of 2024 lmao #happy birthday masato youre cringe

[dr3amofagame]

sorry to be late to the party but it does amuse me when people talk about how c!dream was going to lock tommy up in pandora yada yada butterfly behind glass doll puppet something something and like. that man didnt even have the keys . he literally didn't. like yeah he could threaten sam into compliance or whatever villainisms i GUESS but pandora being this thing that was solely under his control is just blatantly untrue--yes he made it with sam together even in canon, but sam was still the one that singlehandedly had access to literally every security mechanism in that place. dream did nawt have the keys to the vault. and like, that on its own would just be a comment that's slightly eye-rolly, right, but paired with the other common sentiment that the only reason why dream surrendered was to keep tommy from killing himself, it's EVEN FUNNIER.

like i dont blame people, necessarily, for thinking this in itself, because obviously that was the narrative that staged finale was selling (in january 2021) (that is, you know, over 3 years ago) but like the logical inconsistencies are egregious and obviously that's been pointed out since the beginning and even moreso hilarious now that the finale was confirmed staged in canon. bc what we're looking at here is that people are talking abt how dream was desperate to lock tommy up under his singular control in a box that he...literally didn't have the keys to, but was willing to be locked up in that same box because he didn't want tommy to die.

when this man had the revive book.

and limbo was literally, in a sense, a box that only he and punz had the keys to.

like if this man wanted tommy all to himself so bad all he's gotta do is let the kid die, wait til everyone leaves, and then revive his ass in the middle of his giant stage set blackstone disc vault where tommy would've had nothing, been completely defenseless, and entirely at dream's mercy with literally no one knowing that he was even alive. limbo was much more secure a box than pandora could ever hope to be considering the fact that NO ONE KNEW ABOUT THE BOOK YET and unlike with pandora, dream was the one with the keys. like if this guy's goal is apparently to "keep tommy locked up and singularly at his mercy forever" then why's he choosing to lock him up in a box he literally cant get into bc the security is entirely in the hands of a whole different guy when he could ... kill him and put him in a box that only he has the key to MAKE IT MAKE SENSEEEEE

#disk horse #like lol lmao #im sure this point has been made before so sorryto whoever's rant from 2021 im repeating

[yumedoca]

Alright, my fellow UY folks!! Since the new trailer has dropped, why don't we unpack everything they've shown us so far?

Or more specifically, what all chapters are getting adapted in the third cour (only third since they won't reveal footage for the fourth one till the third is over.)!!

Also, ignore the stupid quality since I took the pictures on my phone..

First up is the Kurama - Ran - Rei two-parter!! Nice to see Kurama again since I was worried she would be a one time character since she didn't appear in the eye catches. However, I'm pretty sure this is going to be her last appearance since it's her final appearance in the manga (not counting cameos). It's one of the funnier Kurama chapters, so this will be great fun!!

Next up is the 'Fantasy bubblegum' chapter!! Another one I didn't think which would be adapted since we see Ten order the key item in this chapter in the post credits of the love-love crystal ball episode. Maybe the order was delayed? Or Ten didn't use it till now? Who knows. Anyways, this is a pretty funny chapter and I'm excited to see how it turns out (Also BenOyu yuri, Let's goo!!!)

AtaLum fans, Let's rejoice, because it looks like they're adapting "Love knows no barriers" aka the chapter where Lum gets hit with the rice cooker!!! This one is my favorite singular chapter in the series and I absolutely hated the original anime's version of this one so I hope the remake does this one justice!! I'm not sure whether the first one is from this chapter since Ataru's wearing his school uniform instead of his casuals, but maybe it's because of a few changes here and there. DavidPro, you better not disappoint me considering what the original did.

Looks like we're going to get the chapter which introduces the Ryuunosuke's mom (Masako) saga. I'm not sure whether they'll adapt everything under this saga, but the first one seems to be there. I really like this chapter because we get a wholesome relationship between Ryu and Ataru's mom.

THE BODYSWAP CHAPTER!!! This one comes a bit earlier from what I remember and not to mention, it's pretty hilarious (literally any chapter where Sakura has to deal with Ataru's BS is an A+ for me) so I'm super excited!!

ASUKA, MY CHILD!! IT'S HER!! Finally one of my UY Blorbo's gets animated!! And considering the shot of her and Ton- chan, yes guys, they're keeping the incest. I've never understood why there were some who said they wouldn't adapt it but like, it's one of Asuka's main character points and the incest is clearly portrayed as wrong and unacceptable, similar to Ataru's lecherous behavior (They might still tone it down though). Anyways, I'm so excited for Asuka, I can't wait!!!

And finally, two very beloved and very important arcs!! First, I can't believe we're getting three AtaLum stories in this cour, I mean we deserve it after being fed with only one last cour. And second, I'm pretty sure both these arcs are going to be at least a whole episode long considering how big these two are. And I have to admit, the door realm looks so pretty.. and I'm so excited for Shingo, Inaba and their arcs, can't January come already???

And that's all for it!! Other than these, there were two to three shots I couldn't exactly place which chapter they belong to, so sorry about that. And I wanted to point out that the animation looks quite fluid in some scenes as well, so it looks like DavidPro is doing great work as expected. Anyways, UY is coming back once again on January 11th and I am so ready!! THE HYPE IS REAL!!!

#cant wait already.. #my brain is so uy clouded today... #urusei yatsura #うる星やつら #lum #ataru moroboshi #ten #ryunosuke fujinami #inaba #shingo #benten #oyuki #ran #rei #shinobu miyake #asuka mizunokoji #kurama #kotatsu neko #urusei yatsura 2022 #god i love them sm #HYPE HYPE HYPE

[greenelectricsky]

So, OK, what I made in 2023. Well... I'm really surprised how that year ended. In January I completely didn't think I'll be back to writing and I'll start publishing my works. Moreover, I was preparing a totally different costume! So, hell, what a year. Here we go!

First thing: costume of Cysiek and TuśTuś!

I still think, it came really good as a last minute thing!!! Especially the wig, because I didn't just glued hair but I made it in a totally different way, because I wanted it to last and last for the next few years!

Second thing - Cats scenes! It was a moment, an inspiration and I started writing them... It was supposed to be just an experiment, a little thing, and I thought it will end as fast as it started. But no. They keep coming, one easier than the other, one funnier than the other and... Well, now it's a part of my life! And I like them, even if some people would be extremely happy if I would never write anything again!

Third thing - fanfictions! Oh boy, that's a story!

I wrote, published, translated and published those:

Those are from the Star Wars universe, most of them I wrote loooooooooooong time ago at a paper and I have no intention to translate them, for now at least.

So yes writing them down on paper was work from other times, but writing, rewriting and polishing them on the computer and publishing them is 2023 work!

That last series (Scenki rodzajowe) is "work in progress" because more of them are on my computer, but need a lot of work before publishing... So still, 2023...

And six next wait for digitalisation! Those I don't count as 2023's achievements.

Some next are brewing in that head of mine, but are waiting to write them down! So 2024 will be really interesting... I don't know if my hands can deal with that!

But, more about Cats and 2023!

Those four I wrote and published, two of them waiting for a translation:

And I have those four beauties!

You see how fat some of them are (I'm writing on both sides of every sheet, so one of them is more than 120 pages)???? And all that was written in 2023, waiting for digitalisation! I have zero idea how to translate them... Just... I'm afraid it's too much but I really, really, really want them in English, so there is no other way than to do that at some point... Well, it's the future!

And of course I have more plans. Two as a Labyrinth/Cats crossovers (one Tuggoffelees and one Skimblestrap), big work with the complete story of my OCs, Mac's redemption ark; one more serious work about Tugger adopting a little Misto after loosing his brother Mac and coping with that - those are solid ideas, with notes and of course more less concrete things, more a ideas without any context.

And, what do you think? It's a lot? Not at all? For me it's an incredibly big thing and I'm proud of myself!

Also, from other things - I'm planning to change my job. I still love working with animals, really, but well... I was burned out by working with clients :( It's just... It's really nice helping others, giving them ways to be a good pet leader but in that moment I'm more resigned than hopeful. Also, I have enough of my bosses and environment in which I work. I want to start working with costumes and/or stage props, because it's more to my liking. I have no idea how to realise those plans, but I'm hopeful.

#cats the musical #cats musical #happy new year #2023 achievements #my writing #cosplay #star wars the old republic #star wars #fanfiction

[bookdragonlibrary]

Hey !

Longtime follower here ! I'd love to get your insight on an issue, and I know I can count on you, when I read all your detailed and well written responses.

One issue plaguing the YJ community is the infamous debate of the timeskips, I personally think it didn't do any favors for YJ. I would have preferred to keep the one season, one year format, while progressing in the main subplot (Vandal savage VS Darkseid VS JL& The Team).

What's your take on this ? What would your plan of each season look like ?

Thank you for your ask and following me :)

As you could have seen, I love Young Justice writing! That's why it's even funnier and more interesting to analyse!

About the time format, I think YJ shouldn't limit the story to happen in one year just to mimick the first season, but has a rythmn according to the story's needs. But I can see the appeal of keeping the same formule so to speak to write the story. But I wouldn't let limit me and my creativity to tell the story and the pace it needs. As a writer, let's say the series is a book saga and the tied-comics like short novels to explore more the universe and the characters but with stories that are shorters than for the main saga. That is what I'm planning for my own work :)

That was the short answer, let's keep going for the long one! :D

For the timeskip. There is good and a bad consequences from it. The good is it's flesh out YJ world and make the DC lore in one coherent world. The characters continue to grow between big events happening in seasons, just like real people.

The bad consequence is for us, viewers, as we are a little lost at the beginning of the season about the changes. But we need to keep in mind that YJ was supposed to be a multicanal storyline with the series but also videogame (where Tula dies) and comics. Young Justice should have more tied-comics to explain and explore the stories between seasons and to develop more specitic characters who don't have a lot of screen time. But the main problem is DC Universe now Warners Brothers don't invest much in Young Justice but instead make DCU movies and we know the quality of them compared to YJ and the animated films (that I 100% recomand if you didn't watch them yet!!).

My plan is the last season seems to be a building for a supposed (let's hope!) five season with Darkseid and Vandal as the main antagonists and each sub-story of the 4th season was to build it up and explain to us the many changes there will be between season 3 and 5 so we won't be lost like at the beginning of season 2 and 3. So it feels like season 4 was the first part of season 5 if you see what I mean?

I don't know if you know this series as it's a French one but Wakfu (it's on Netflix if you want to try it ;) ) has a similar storyline with a main series which will end with its 4th season on January, OST that could be a long film and a manga series. But the same universe also has an online videogame WOW-like called Dofus, a manga series with the same name, films and series with different characters, sometimes at different time periods. You can read the Dofus manga or watch only Wakfu and you won't feel lost about the story. Because it's not made like the MCU where you have to see multiple series on Disney+ just to watch one film on theatre...

Wakfu works because it's the same studio who makes all of that (their name is Ankama). Young Justice is a gold pile the producers are sitting on because they don't invest on it... If the writers have the whole freedom than Anakama has, we wouldn't feel bad about the timeskips because we would have more content to fill the gap :)

I hope that answer your ask and give you another point of view :p

#young justice #wakfu #dofus #ankama #mcu #parallels #ask #my asks #analysis

[adultswim2021]

The New Big Ball With Neil Hamburger | Unaired 2008 pilot debuted online: November 7, 2013

The curse of Tasty Tuesday has been lifted!!! For some reason.

An Abso-Lutely production in 16:9?? As I live and breathe! The New Big Ball with Neil Hamburger was an absurd game-show produced by Tim & Eric's Abso-Lutely productions. It’s produced a little more like a sketch about a game show than it is like a traditional game show. It doesn’t feel like a “real” game show, really, but nothing in it suggests that it’s completely scripted.

The main appeal of the show is Neil acting as a host and using very Hamburgian turns-of-phrase. In a trivia question he casually refers to Michael Caine as an alcoholic, and Billy Crystal as a “disgraced comedian”. He also bitterly berates his contestants, including one who doesn’t share any personal information about himself, opting to refer to himself as just a plain person. We also have Corbin Bernsen in an isolation booth for literally no reason. 

This is pretty funny! I wouldn’t have minded if they did a season of this, honestly, because Neil cracks me up and the idea of him just hosting any show is already funny, almost no matter what it is. I do think the start of the show is funnier than the end, which isn’t so bad. Like the Richard Dunn talk show, I would have happily sacrificed a weaker episode of Awesome Show season three to air this instead.

Notable Tim & Eric connections include the muscle woman who appears in an Awesome Show season 5 sketch. When Neil eliminates one of the contestants, he tosses a drink his face and has the muscle woman escort him out in a headlock. Also, the audience shots would be used later, I think in the season 5 opener as well as the Chrimbus Special, but I’m not positive if it’s one, the other, or both. 

I’m reviewing this here at the end of 2008, because it was reportedly shot in 2008. I’m not positive if the particular version of the pilot floating around actually IS from 2008 in any sense. I mention this because I found a few things that casually dated it being from 2010, meaning maybe it was reshot or it wasn’t properly edited/finished until 2010. There's no copyright year at the end, at least that I saw.

It was made available in 2013 on Adult Swim’s website. The copy floating around now looks pretty cruddy; too bad for what could be the first HD-produced Tim & Eric production (not counting Nite Live, of course). 

My personal theory was that this was shot between seasons 4 & 5 of Awesome Show. I also think it’s very possible that season four was produced fairly far ahead of when it aired, which makes this being shot in 2008 still possible. I sorta get the impression that seasons 2-4 were shot rather quickly. But I don’t know this for sure. I hope I didn’t fuck up big time by not reviewing this in 2010. That would suck so much dick!!

EPHEMERA CORNER:

Moral Orel: “Nature” (combined cut) | January 1, 2009 - 12:00AM

For some reason I can't get that link to display like it usually does. Hopefully it's fixed by the time this posts. If you're reading this, I didn't fix it. Sorry.

On New Years Eve, Adult Swim ran a Moral Orel marathon that kicked off with a 30-minute combined cut of Nature, parts one and two. They aired the entire third season followed by the first five episodes of season one (in production order).

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #the new big ball with neil hamburger

[thatoneluckybee]

Terrible WiFi Dashboard Simulator

yes, this is because my WiFi sucks rn and I can't see images.

🩻 everything-bagel-alt Follow

November 28th, 2022

xe was so real for that tbh

#sillyposting #terfs dni this post is NOT for you

85 notes

👩🏼 glam-hearts-puppy Follow

2d ago

Hi darling ⭐️💖 I'd [EMOJI] love to 🌙💐🌇 2 see you! 🍓🌷 Come 💍🦋🌸 say hi 💫🌺🧡💵

#cute #trending #sexy #funny #r/196 #super mario #artists on tumblr #photography

613 notes

🍀 lucky-charms reblogged krogerita

2h ago

🧟 krogerita 

3h ago

Please send help I've been stuck at a shcool assembly for an hour

#shcool

1 note

🥝 fewwawisayshello reblogged jinglehells

33s ago

😵‍💫 sleepy-artblog

1h ago

i finally finished this piece! it took 9 hours but i love how it came out

#HOW DOES THIS NOT HAVE MORE NOTES

2 notes

🌈 wafflefries 

January 5th, 2023

ERM TF?

#excuse me #you get back here and explain yourself right now

99 notes

⚠️ jinglehells

31m ago

WOMEN

5 notes

🤪 haha-funny-memes Follow

April 16th, 2018

#haha #funny #memes #dankmemes #dank memes #lmao #lol #meme 

810,187 notes

🧟 krogerita reblogged wafflefries

2m ago

👤 digginginyourtrash-deactivated20200530

February 19th, 2020

I think being hurled around a body of water like a little rock would fix me.

👤 digginginyourtrash-deactivated20200530

February 20th, 2020

I AM STEALING YOUR TAGS, PREV, HOW DARE YOU BE FUNNIER THAN ME

1,409 notes

🥝 fewwawisayshello reblogged soapapilla

4m ago

🤖 soapapilla Follow

13m ago

I NEED HIMMMMMM

7 notes

😛 humor-station Follow

August 31st, 2022

#funny #humor #meme #funny memes #hahaha #feel good #wholesome

12,996 notes

🧸 jerseydeviledeggs reblogged ashleeeeeeeey-1999

3d ago

🧸 jerseydeviledeggs Follow

3d ago

🎲 ashleeeeeeeey-1999 Follow

3d ago

Me when I'm a little Victorian boy hoping for spare coins so I can buy my mamá her favorite taffy

🧸 jerseydeviledeggs Follow

3d ago

this is the only acceptable interpretation all of you can do home

54,571 notes

⚠️ jinglehells

6m ago

WOMEN ❤️

#BSJAUAHDSHAHAB #AAAGAFWFGAGAVAVAGGgsgdgsv

5 notes

🍀 lucky-charms reblogged i-count-kitties

44m ago

☀️ saccharinestars Follow

January 27th, 2023

🐱 i-count-kitties

20m ago

There are six kitties in this post!

56 notes

#cats

#Bee makes things #I GOT BORED AND WAS ANNOYED THE IMAGES WERENT LOADING AND UHHHH. HI. #Unreality #TW unreality #dashboard simulator #I uploaded actual gradients don't wait for them to load #This took a while I'm gonna hall of fame this #Idk man my phones low battery I'm stuck at a school thing on a Saturday what you gonna do #This probably has a ton of mistakes #I have to go for the school thing soon I'll go back over and try n fix any when I Return

[beneathascorpionsky]

I posted 6,048 times in 2022

That's 6,048 more posts than 2021!

76 posts created (1%)

5,972 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wayward-wren

@arceuscansuckmydick

@raincloud-the-33rd-frog

@time-is-a-pain

@strigiiformes

I tagged 2,438 of my posts in 2022

#art - 121 posts

#fnaf - 110 posts

#video - 78 posts

#yes - 73 posts

#writer's life - 58 posts

#pretty - 42 posts

#fnaf security breach - 41 posts

#wheeze - 39 posts

#funny - 36 posts

#cute - 34 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#fandom is me forcing my friend to read snippets from a fic im writing from a fandom they couldn't care less about but supporting me anyway

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The struggle when I’m writing a fanfiction and I’m really excited and I really enjoy it and I want to post and share it with people! But! I know how bad I am at finishing projects and the story isn’t even half done and what if I lose motivation and just have another half finished fic sitting out there and I disappoint EVERYONE. But also what if I DONT DO THAT and I could’ve been sharing it the whole time and getting feedback and enjoying reading people’s comments ? and round and round my brain goes on this one circular track 

12 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

#4

Sure those stars might’ve been dead for who knows how long but sailors still looked to them for guidance

15 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

#3

This is such a weird dumb idea and maybe other people have already theorized this and I’m just out of the loop but it’s making me laugh so I’m going to share it anyway

so there’s the whole gregbot thing right? Well what if Gregory isn’t a robot but Vanessa is? Maybe Vanny created her as lookalike/stunt double kind of thing so Vanny was free to wear her creepy mask and run around killing people but could point to Vanessabot who was roaming around the Pizzaplex doing her job as an alibi 

It would explain the rooftop ending where Vanny seems to really closely resemble Vanessa, but Vanessa is shown to be standing up on the roof while Vanny is on the ground. I know there’s the theory of it being Vanessa’s ghost which is probably more likely but idk, Vanessabot is funnier to me for some reason

16 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

#2

Feel like in Security Breach Gregory really went “I’m not trapped in here with you, you’re trapped in here with me” and then committed organ theft

30 notes - Posted January 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Chapter 25: To let go (and to hold on) I saw this moment as poetic and I hope I interpreted this scene right Gosh, William be damned- I love your fic!

I am I'm literally a bit overwhelmed I never thought anyone would like something I'd read enough to make art based on it. This is GOREGOUS and I love it so much and I think you might've just made my entire year. Ty, tysm I adore this and I'm so glad you're enjoying the fic

34 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Listen adding tags can be tiring #Sometimes I'm too tired to even reblog stuff

[rowanaelinn]

Mr. and Mrs. Whitethorn's Six Yulemas - Year Four

Word count: 13,4k / Warnings: Beginning of both alcoholism and an eating disorder, language.

Okay, I know the warnings are scary but I promise this chapter ends well :) The ending was supposed to be angsty, but I changed it last minute to put you out of your misery. I hope you'll enjoy this one, I've been stuck at this chapter for a month :(

Aelin didn’t want to come back for Yulemas this year. Nothing else than her family– and they could visit her— was waiting for her. But she had been dragged home by Dorian, who came the closest to her best friend now, and Sam. Sam- her relationship with him was quite confusing if she was being honest. They had grown closer in the past year, and sometimes when it was just them in the room, Sam had the courage to kiss Aelin. But Aelin hadn’t changed her mind, she couldn’t enter a relationship with Sam and hurt him. Being with Sam felt so wrong.

Sam knew this, knew that his kisses wouldn’t lead to something, but he still did it. Like he still tried to charm her, faithful to what he told her last year. He wouldn’t give up.

She didn’t know where they stood on that whole fake-dating thing, Dorian knew about it and he was the only one. She hadn’t wanted to let everyone believe she was still with Sam after last winter’s break, it just sort of happened. When her friends called and asked how her relationship with Sam was, she didn’t really know how to say that there wasn’t more than friendship.

And of course, the boys had decided that instead of taking the plane, they wanted to do a fifteen hours drive, just because it was funnier. Thank gods, she had managed to get the backseat all to herself, free to move at least. The guys had been singing and laughing for the entire drive, Aelin joining them from time to time just so they wouldn’t ask questions about what was wrong with her.

Sam patted her knee from the front seat as they arrived in Orynth, she smiled warmly at him. She remembered their fight a year ago, how sorry she was the day after, she had wanted to explain why she had been so irritable, but she didn’t feel like sharing anything that happened between her and Rowan.

Rowan… Aelin had been partially right when she thought they wouldn’t speak anymore. Surely, it didn’t count as a conversation if it always was one-sided, right? Aelin had sent him a text asking how he was in January, there hadn’t been any answers. Then, in late February, he sent her a single Hello. Aelin hadn’t answered, and then, and in a moment of weakness, a month after, she had sent him another Hello. That’s how it had gone the whole year, ignoring each other, then not being able to resist the urge to speak to the other. She hadn’t come home this summer, she had heard that he hadn’t either.

Even The Mothers had stopped saying his name whenever she called. They didn’t know what happened, but they knew something had happened. After two months of questioning, they had given up on trying to know.

Aelin hated how unhappy she was to see the Whitethorn's car parked in front of her home. She thought about asking Dorian to drive them somewhere else, anywhere else, but she didn’t want to face their questions, so Aelin put on her big girl pants and got out of the car, a convincing smile on her face.

She was hit by a wall of warmth the minute she entered the house, Evalin hugging her tight enough to stop Aelin’s breathing. “Mom,” Aelin chuckled, “You’re gonna have to bury me if you keep going.”

“Oh!” Evalin let go, “Sorry, honey. Just over-excited to see you.”

Evalin had a frown on her face but Aelin didn’t have time to analyze it because she was taken in Lily’s embrace. She missed that, and she decided that coming back was worth it. Still, Aelin felt a deep unease. She knew he was here, she knew it from the way her father smiled when he welcomed her and from the small talk she had with Benjamin.

She felt it in the way Sam tensed behind her, the way his hand went for her lower back and stayed there. Always playing the role of her boyfriend. She knew that if she looked up, he’d be there. And still, she didn’t know why it hurt so much to do so, why her heart felt like breaking when she saw the face she thought about all the time even though she had been preparing herself.

“Aelin!” Lyria smiled warmly before coming to hug Aelin. And just like that, Aelin knew Rowan hadn’t told anyone the truth about what had happened between them. And as Aelin was eaten alive by guilt, she looked at Rowan. She had always been good at reading his emotions on his face, but there was none. No happiness at seeing who used to be his best friend, no guilt at seeing his girlfriend hug the woman he had cheated on her with. Rowan’s face was void of emotions and she hated that.

She ignored how Sam’s gaze burned the back of her head as Lyria hugged him, too. Aelin and Rowan were looking at each other. She wouldn’t be the first to say something, and he probably wouldn’t either. So, there they were, in silence.

Rowan’s green eyes flickered to Sam, “Hi.”

“Rowan,” Sam nodded. His arms circled her waist, pulling her into his warmth. She hid away, trying to keep a conversation with her parents and godparents, ignoring Rowan’s presence as much as she could..

But when she couldn’t help it anymore, when she threw a glance to where he was standing, Rowan’s eyes were already on her, a small frown drawn over his features. He took her breath away, his hair was shorter than what Aelin was used to, but she loved it. Everything seemed to suit him. Is everything okay? She asked, in that silent way of theirs.

He looked away, leaving Aelin with a feeling of emptiness.

When Evalin asked who wanted to go out for lunch, Aelin pretended to be tired and went to her room.

❆—❆—❆—❆

“But mom!”

Evalin shook her head, eyes on the vegetable she was cutting in cubes. She slapped Aelin’s hand away when she tried to grab a piece of carrot.

“None of that, Aelin. I need help.”

Aelin groaned, “But it’s snowing, how can you expect me to take the bus in this weather?”

Evalin looked up, an unconvinced look on her face. She was late, Yulemas Eve was tonight and she still didn’t have any gifts for Rhoe, so of course, she would send Aelin to a bookstore.

“Well that’s not a problem,” Lily said. “Rowan can drive you.”

Aelin felt herself tense and before she could even protest Lily called her son into the kitchen. “You called me?”

“Yeah, love. Could you drive Aelin to that bookstore she loves outside of town? She has to do some Yulemas shopping.”

“No!” Aelin stopped her right there, “No, the bus is more than fine!”

“It’s so cold out there,” Evalin said.

“Yeah! And by the time you come back, it’s going to be dark outside.”

“I can take Sam with me.”

Lily rolled her eyes, “That boy has been setting up everything in the house all day, let him enjoy his shower. Anyway, I’ll still need him for cooking. Anyway, Ro, can you?”

He seemed to hesitate, “I actually told Lyria I would-”

“I also need Lyria, so I guess you’re free to drive your best friend and keep her safe, aren’t you?”

There wasn’t much else to say, whatever excuses Rowan and Aelin would come up with, The Mothers would find a counterargument. Rowan sighed, “Yeah, of course.”

Aelin thought about pretending to faint right there, better spend Yulemas at the hospital than twenty minutes in awkward silence with Rowan. She cursed herself for not passing her driver’s license, but that had been useless until today. In high school, Rowan drove her anywhere and now in College, Rifthold was so big that taking the subway or walking would be faster than taking the car.

“You think they know how unsubtle they are?” Rowan asked, opening the driver’s door.

The Mothers were at the window, pretending to talk but it was so easy to see them looking at their children. Aelin rolled her eyes, entering the car. “They know, and they don’t care.”

Rowan looked uncomfortable as he drove, keeping an eye on her. Aelin tried to ignore it, but every time she caught his eyes, she grew more and more irritated. It didn’t help when she saw how white his knuckles were around the wheel.

“You can relax, Rowan. I won’t try to fuck you.”

The words were poison on her tongue, but she didn’t care. She was angry; angry at herself for fucking up so bad, she was angry at Rowan for ignoring her. She was angry at a lot of things. Mostly at herself, but it was good to project the blame onto someone else.

He didn’t answer, ignoring her exactly as he had done for years now. “You know, it’s much easier to ignore someone when they’re on another continent than when the said person is in the same car as you.”

“I seem to be doing just fine.”

“So, he speaks,” Aelin clapped her hand, faking to be impressed, “Do you want a treat? You’re such a good boy.”

He threw her a dirty look and then kept his eyes on the road. And so, because Aelin hated being ignored and because she never knew when she took it too far, she was Aelin Galathynius after all, she still opened her mouth, “Did you have your third beer of the day or do you keep it for when we get back home?”

And she forgot he was Rowan, the same as her, just quieter, “I guess I’ll drink it when you take your first meal of the day.”

He had noticed. In less than two days he had noticed how careful Aelin was with her food. She had been so careful because she knew what it looked like, and as much as Aelin enjoyed the attention, this wasn’t the attention she was looking for. “Fuck you.”

A humorless laugh, “Keep your nose out my business and I’ll do the same.”

Rowan hadn’t been the only one paying attention to her, Aelin had done the same for him. He had drunk exactly six beers yesterday, and two today. It wouldn’t be that much of a problem if she hadn’t noticed how his hand shook and how irritable he was with everyone right before he opened another drink.

She was no doctor, that path ruined for her years ago, but she knew he had a problem. She just didn’t know how deep it was.

And whatever he thought about her was wrong. Aelin was twenty and although she knew she wasn’t old, she was older. There was nothing wrong with paying attention to what she ate. “You’re still as boring as you used to be.”

“You’re still as annoying as you used to be.”

Aelin couldn’t help but grin at that, she’d take his anger over his avoidance any day. It had started snowing, the road covered in white.

“Is Sam coming?”

“Huh?”

Rowan kept his eyes on the road, “Is he coming with us? To the cabin.”

Oh. Yeah, instead of celebrating their usual Yulemas, their friend group had decided to rent a cabin in the mountains and celebrate Yulemas and the New Year there. They were to leave tomorrow. “No, he’s visiting his uncle.” Rowan nodded, “Is Lyria coming?”

“No, she’s going to her parents.”

That was it.

❆—❆—❆—❆

“I always wondered how you could spend so much time in a bookstore.”

Aelin ran her fingertips over the spine of a book, smiling at the feeling, “I always wondered how could someone not enjoy bookstores.”

“I enjoy them,” Rowan justified, “Just not enough to spend hours in them.”

Aelin snorted, “You don’t. You enter one, find one book, and leave. That’s not what I’d call enjoying.”

“There’s just no point in staying there for hours.”

“How do you find new books to read, then?”

“Ever heard of Goodreads?”

Aelin groaned, sending a look that could kill Rowan. The bastard was chuckling. “You represent everything that is wrong with this country.”

He laughed at this, and it felt so good to have him laugh with her once again. “You’re so dramatic.”

Aelin stood in front of the Mystery Books section, knowing those were her father’s favorite. She didn’t know why. Sure it was nice to read a murder mystery from time to time, but all the time? Aelin was one of these people who couldn’t read a book without romance.

Sure, she didn’t read classics, but her romance books were gold for her. And their naughty parts… Those gave her some ideas, not that she really had anyone she trusted enough to realize most of them.

“Your mom should have just ordered it online.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.”

He laughed, “What is wrong with that? You sound just like me, being against social media and the internet in general.”

Aelin’s eyes squinted as she looked at him, the bastard was having too much fun teasing her. “I’m all for online shopping, just not books. It’s so much better to pick them out yourself.”

Rowan grunted, not saying anything else as Aelin kept looking at the books in front of her. She rose on her toes, trying to reach a book with a pretty spine that was in the higher part of the shelf. Maybe she wouldn’t have this height problem if she ordered books online… No. She didn’t care how easier it was on the internet. Aelin would die before she’d stop supporting bookshops.

She heard a deep chuckle behind her before Rowan’s body brushed her back, his arm raised as he reached the book easily. Aelin turned around, not used to their proximity as he gave her the book, looking down at her. “Thanks,” she breathed.

And he smiled. Rowan Whitethorn smiled at her. Aelin felt like she could get the moon at that moment. She was unstoppable, she could achieve everything. How could a friend’s smile give you all these feelings?

“You’re welcome.” Say it. Say it. Say it, Aelin begged him in her mind. Call me Fireheart. He didn’t, he walked away, looking at other shelves.

She felt empty, and although she would have wanted more, it still was a small victory. He smiled. It was the confidence born from his smile that spoke when she opened her mouth, “Do you hate me?”

He turned around, and in his defense, he looked surprised by the question. His brows were furrowed, his lips parted. “What?”

“I asked if you hated me.”

“Is that how you’ve been feeling?”

She nodded, doing her best not to look away under the weight of his gaze. It was the most honest she had ever been with anyone, including herself.

He looked pained at this, “I could never hate you, Aelin.”

She raised her head, adopting a proud smirk, “Of course. I’m so lovable.”

But as she turned away, not feeling like pretending for long in front of the man who could know she was lying, Rowan asked her the same question. “Do you hate me?”

She stopped in her tracks, looking back at the man who had always meant everything in her life. School? It had been by Rowan’s side. The first time she had a crush? Rowan was the first she told about. How freaked out she was after she had her first time? That’s to Rowan’s arms she ran to find comfort.

Tears burned her eyes as she said, “There isn’t a single molecule in my body that has ever felt something close to hate when it’s about you.”

“Even when I stole your chocolate in third grade?”

“You were out of line that time, I still haven’t forgiven you.”

He laughed, and soon enough, Aelin joined him. It felt good. Aelin wished it could be this way forever.

❆—❆—❆—❆

Aelin was doing her best to keep her eyes on her father as he told everyone a story about one of his patients, something about his mistress walking into the room while his wife was right there. She really did try, she promised it to the Gods.

But Rowan was wearing a black tux today, and as he sat on the couch, elbows on his knees, hands holding a beer as he looked at Rhoe, a smile on his lips because, apparently, the story was funny… Aelin could think she was dreaming, she would, actually, if it wasn’t for the beer in his hands.

He had drunk one when they got home from the bookstore. She didn’t know if he had another one as Aelin got ready in her room, but the one he held right now was almost empty.

It wasn’t like she could tell him not to drink, that would attract too much attention on him, something she was sure wouldn’t sit right with him and would probably just encourage him to drink more. Which was not the point at all.

Sam passed her a plate of appetizers, she didn’t look at them before passing the plate to Benjamin who sat on her other side. She was an awful daughter because from how Rhoe told his story she knew he was proud of it, but she just couldn’t think of anything else than Rowan Whitethorn.

And it angered her.

Rowan looked at her, as if he had felt her gaze burning his skin. Deep forest green eyes connected with her, and her heart beat harder. His hand clenched around his beer, hiding it a little between his parted legs. Another sign that Aelin couldn’t ignore.

Is there something on my face? He asked.

Aelin smiled a little, Yeah. Something ugly.

I have been told we look a lot like each other.

She couldn’t hold back a small laugh, Bastard.

Aelin broke Rowan’s gaze when she felt Sam’s warm hand on her naked thigh, her dress riding quite high for a family dinner. She looked at Sam, he was frowning a little at her. She didn’t know why, there hadn’t been any problem between the two lately. Hell, he had even awarded her the roommate of the month. Granted, he only had her, but he could have given himself the award. That was what Aelin would have done.

He leaned in and kissed her, his lips warm against her. His hand slid to her neck, keeping her face close to his. Soon, the kiss became too much, both because Aelin always felt awful, thinking she was giving him false hope, but also because her entire family was right there and if she could avoid The Mother’s crude comments and her father dying at Yulemas, that’d be great.

She turned her head away, the tip of her lips rising as her gaze caught Rowan’s. His eyes were hard, his knuckles white around his bottle of beer. He had been watching her kissing Sam, she knew as much. But she didn’t know why it made her want to cry in her bed all night long. She didn’t know why Rowan’s gaze made the kisses even wronger than what Aelin usually felt.

Aelin put some distance between Sam’s body and hers, needing the space to think. This arrangement between them… It had to stop, and soon.

And, for the second year in a row, there wasn’t any Yulemas sweater under the tree, leaving an empty feeling in Aelin.

❆—❆—❆—❆

“You’re crying.”

Aelin looked up, finding Sam standing beside her, looking down at her. He had his coat on, something Aelin should have thought of before sitting on her porch, but she hadn’t felt like it. And well, it added to the drama, didn’t it?

“I’m not,” Aelin lied, wiping her cheeks to dry them. She hadn’t noticed the tears before Sam pointed it out, but she would die before admitting it.

He snorted, sitting beside her. “You gonna tell me what you’re doing here?”

“Probably not.”

“The Gods know how difficult you are,” Sam chuckled. Aelin didn’t like this. She wasn’t that difficult, she just didn’t like to speak. Why was it so hard for some people to know that everyone was different? Some liked to talk, some didn’t. Aelin belonged to the latter. Rowan always knew this, always knew when to speak and when to stay quiet.

“Whatever you say.”

Sam’s shoulder bumped hers, “C’mon, Ae, don’t be that sad, the night is young. Want me to find you a bottle? We can have some fun.”

Irritation burned inside of Aelin’s veins, “It’s fucking Yulemas, Sam. You can wait before getting wasted.”

“Gods,” Sam sighed. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Did you wonder if maybe I just wanted to be alone?”

“No,” Sam’s hard voice said, that’s how she knew he wasn’t really here to talk about what bothered her. “But I did wonder why you haven’t been honest with me.”

Confusion had her raising her eyebrows, “What?”

“You know what. Why haven’t you told me the reason why you keep rejecting me?”

“I told you it’s not going to work.”

“It’s bullshit. I’m talking about the real reason.”

“I don’t want to talk about that.” Aelin scrubbed her face with shaking hands, she didn’t know why they were shaking, it added to the pool of anger boiling in her.

Sam laughed, it was such a bitter sound. “Is “that” Rowan’s new nickname?”

That sentence alone was colder than the December air. “What do you mean?”

“I’m talking about you being in love with him.”

It was Aelin’s turn to burst out laughing. She laughed hysterically, hiding her face in her hands. Once she had started, she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t believe such an absurdity had come out of Sam’s mouth. How much of her father’s champagne had he drunk? Or was he high? He had to be under the influence of something. Anything. Because there was no way he actually believed what he said. Aelin’s belly hurt as she kept laughing, her eyes crying.

“What the hell, Ae?”

“You, what the hell?” She managed to say, her laughter calming down. “You cannot actually believe that.”

He scoffed, “Are you that good of an actress or just more clueless than anyone else?”

“What makes you say this?”

He chuckled, a humorless sound, “I’ve been suspecting it for a while, all your bad moods connecting to Rowan, all these freaking looks between you two. And tonight, the way you looked at him right after I kissed you. Fuck, everybody else knew it for what it was.”

“No- No, that’s not what it was,” Aelin knew her voice was small, all the euphoria from her laugh fading away. “Ro’s my best friend, you just- You’re seeing things that aren’t there.”

“Aelin?” She looked up at him, he was standing in front of her. “Look at me and tell me you’re not in love with Rowan.”

What kind of stupid game was he playing? “Get away, Sam.”

“Tell me.”

“I am not in love with-” Aelin cursed her mind for choosing this precise time to remind her of everything. Of every longing glance they had thrown at each other, of how she had done absolutely everything to fit Rowan’s tastes. He had said he liked smart women, and Aelin had chosen that time to start reading much more outside of her school reads, pretending it was for her knowledge only.

She remembered how many times she had worn either gold make-up or golden clothes after Rowan had let it slip into a conversation that it was his favorite color.

She remembered how she had never really wanted to join the cheer team until Rowan joined the football team because she knew at least it would let them spend more time together. The captain of the cheerleaders and the captain of the football team, it was just perfect. How could she have been so blind? It felt like every single of her decisions had been taken according to him.

She remembered how hate had consumed her when Remelle started getting closer to Rowan. Aelin had pretended that it had just been the usual dislike she had for the girl that had her so angry. She knew now. The strange feeling that had her insides twisting into knots wasn’t hatred. It was jealousy.

Most of all, She remembered Rowan’s firm and warm lips on hers, how they had felt like home. How the world could have ended around them and she wouldn’t have noticed.

She remembered how different it had felt to be touched by Rowan, how his pleasure had been first and hers second. How his touch had set her on fire, how she felt like she couldn’t stop. His every kiss had given her life.

Sure, her mother had given birth to her, but it was him that made her feel truly alive.

Shit.

Oh, fucking shit.

Aelin Ashryver Galathynius was in love with Rowan Whitethorn.

Sam scoffed, reading everything that he needed on her face. She couldn’t answer, even if she wanted to. And Aelin knew he was aware of this. Hurt flashed in his eyes, “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Aelin didn’t try to reach for him as he left the house, her shaking limbs unable to move. She didn’t know what to do with the sudden revelation, but sitting in the frozen wind for hours seemed like the thing to do.

❆—❆—❆—❆

After what had felt like hours, Aelin came back into the house. She avoided the living room, her parents and their friends’ laughter echoing from the room. Her freezing limbs struggled to walk the stairs. Aelin would laugh if she could, she probably looked like one of those women in romance movies.

She had needed that time alone to fully integrate these new feelings. Well, not new because every time she closed her eyes, she remembered something that should have made her realize earlier.

Aelin felt like she had always known but at the same time, it had felt like the most guarded secret in the world. It was both obvious and unexpected, and surprisingly, it didn’t change anything. It just put words on everything she felt, and it put an end to the reason why she felt drawn to him, even when she tried to let go.

It was fairly simple if she was honest, it was love. Just a different kind of love she had thought it was.

Sam was sitting on her bed when she entered the room, and she hesitated in the doorway. He looked up, all the anger from earlier was gone from his face, but the sadness was still present. “Hi.”

She tried a smile, “Hey, I thought you’d be at Dorian’s by now.”

Sam chuckled, and Aelin judged it safe to enter her room. She put on warmer clothes over the ones she already had now, and she slipped into bed, protected under her comforter. “I thought about going, but-” He swallowed, “I thought you might want to talk?”

Aelin shrugged, focusing on the way her body was warming up. Sam took it as a sign to keep going, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been angry at you. I just…”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. I acted like an entitled son of a bitch, Ae, and that is not fine,” he let out a shuttered breath, “I just love you, in a way that you will never love me. And for years now, I’ve thought that you’d come to love me one day, when you moved in with me last year, I thought that was it. That was you trying to love me.”

“I had nowhere else to go, Sam.” She didn’t like to think of the reasons why she had moved into an apartment with him. She hated how she lied for everyone but him, and she was scared that she had lost him.

“I know,” he said softly, playing with a strand of her hair. “My mind just wanted it to be something else. You had been clear last year, and I should have made up my mind.”

“Yes, you should have. But I should have been clearer, I shouldn’t have let you kiss me, and I shouldn’t have let this whole fake-dating thing go for so long. It was unfair to you.”

“You’re Aelin Galathynius, everybody loves you. I just- I really thought we could be it, you know? But I think I’ve understood we wouldn’t the moment I saw you interact with Rowan.”

“He’s my best friend,” she said, as if it explained everything. “It’s always been him first and everyone else second.”

“You want me to be honest?” She wasn’t sure she really wanted to, but she still nodded. “You deserve better, but if he makes you happy? Go be happy, Ae. You deserve that.”

She didn’t feel like she deserved better than Rowan, it wasn’t like there was anything between them. “He has a girlfriend.”

Sam snorted, “Sure, as if it stopped him from looking at you all the time.”

Was it possible? She knew he had some attraction to her, he wouldn’t have kissed her and wouldn’t have pleasured her as he did last year if he wasn’t attracted to her. But there was such a big difference between attraction and love. If anything, Aelin didn’t feel worthy of Rowan’s love.

Her phone rang once, but she didn’t feel like answering. For once, she wouldn’t be at people’s disposition. She was having an important conversation with her friend, and she knew their friendship would never be the same after this. But her phone rang again, and Aelin couldn’t resist answering when she saw Lyria’s name on the phone.

“Aelin? Thank gods, oh my gods,” her voice was panicked and she was breathless. Aelin sat in her bed, alarmed by Lyria’s reaction.

“Lyria, calm down, what is it?”

“I didn’t want to call Lily and Ben because, gods, Ro would kill me, but I need help,” she was crying, Aelin heard it in her voice. Every scenario passed through her head, her hand grabbed her sheets, she needed to ground herself to something. “Hellas, he would kill me if he knew I was calling you, too…”

“Lyria, breathe, you need to breathe,” Sam frowned, Aelin put the phone on speaker so he could hear. He seemed to realize this situation was stressing her because his hand went for her back, stroking it. “Tell me what it is.”

“I’m so sorry for calling but it’s worse than usual, Aelin.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Just tell me what’s wrong and then I can help you.”

“Ro’s drunk,” Lyria breathed. Two words that shattered Aelin’s heart. “And, he’s angry, it’s never a good mix but today it’s worse.”

Aelin hated how Lyria talked about Rowan being drunk like it was usual. What the hell had happened to the two teenagers whose only problem was in which college they would be taken to?

“Are you home?”

“Yes, we left a little bit after you went to bed.”

She hadn’t exactly gone to bed, but it was the excuse she had given. “Okay, I’m on my way. But,” Aelin already hated herself for the next question, “Are you safe?”

“He’s not mean to me, never been, just…” She stopped at the sound of plates shattering.

“Okay. I’m here in five minutes, I promise. Stay where you are.”

Aelin hung up after Lyria thanked her, and Aelin took ten seconds to herself. She let out a long breath, fighting the tears in her eyes. “I’m coming with you.”

Aelin nodded at Sam and she got up, putting on her socks and taking the first pair of shoes she could find, and then, she was on her way.

❆—❆—❆—❆

“I’m so sorry,” Lyria apologized as she walked to Sam and Aelin. She had been waiting in front of the house. Aelin took Lyria’s shaking body in her arms.

“Don’t,” Aelin said, rubbing her back.

“I’m not scared for me, he’s not…”

“I know,” Aelin looked over Lyria’s shoulder, Sam was waiting for her to do something. Aelin let go, and Sam took the brunette into his arms.

“It’s for him that I’m afraid.”

Aelin gave her a small smile. “I am, too, it's gonna be okay.”

Aelin went for the house after this, she didn’t hesitate to open the door. Her eyes went wide as she found shattered pieces of plates all over the floor. He had taken his anger on tableware. Better on that than on someone else or himself, Aelin thought.

The sound of yet another plate breaking told her exactly where her friend was. She covered her mouth at the sight taking place in front of her eyes, Rowan looked miserable. There were cuts in his shirt, the tie was half taken off. And on his face, covering his perfect cheeks, there were tears flowing.

She gasped and he heard her, his head turning to where she stood. “What are you doing here?”

Aelin mastered herself, breaking down wouldn’t achieve anything. “Give me one?” She nodded to the glass of dark liquid he held, if she had to bet, she’d say it was whiskey.

“Get out.”

She closed the kitchen door behind her, giving them a sense of somewhat privacy. “No, I won’t. Now, share.”

“No.”

She snorted, “I never knew you to be selfish.”

He looked irritated, taking a long sip of the alcoholic drink. “What are you doing here? Finally got some time for your best friend now that you’re done pleasing your boyfriend?”

“I’m going to pretend, for your sake, that you did not just talk about me as if I was a freaking object.”

He snorted, not caring at all as he downed his drink in one go. He wouldn’t answer, so Aelin spoke again. “And anyway, I would rather be pleasing my partner than scaring the shit out of them so much that they have to call my best friend.”

He looked confused at this, his brows furrowing before he shook his head. “You’re a liar. Lyria is sleeping.”

It was Aelin’s turn to laugh, “Not even the neighbors can sleep with all the freaking noise, Ro.”

Rowan walked to the counter, a bottle of Whiskey on it. Well, it was the first time in her life she hated being right. “Don’t.”

“That’s rich of you.”

The words hurt but she ignored it, “I never drank so much that people were scared, Rowan.”

“No, just so much that you’d ruin our friendship.”

She looked around the room, crossing her arms. The room was suddenly cold. “You were more than a willing participant every time,” she reminded him. Aelin couldn’t help but bite her lip, hating how it shook. Ruined our friendship.

He didn’t have another answer other than a bitter laugh, so, before he could drink this knew-filled glass, Aelin snapped it from his hand, drinking it herself before he could. He looked at her as she had killed someone he loved.

“Now you’re talking to me.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

She didn’t know what she was doing, she knew that and she hated it. So, she had no idea if she should be taking the bottle of whiskey from the counter table, holding it in the air, and letting go of it, letting it shatter on the floor right before Rowan could reach it. “That’s what happens if you don’t talk.”

“Stop doing this,” he grilled through his teeth, clenching his fists. This was a clear picture of Rowan’s anger. Aelin was afraid because she knew he wouldn’t lash at anyone around him, it meant that all the anger he had was directed toward himself… She rather had him hate her than hate himself.

“Just tell me what’s wrong!”

“Everything is wrong, Aelin!” Rowan screamed at her. “Every fucking thing.”

He broke down then, crying hard as his hands hid his face. He couldn’t breathe, and Aelin’s first reflex was to hug him close, trying to shield him from the cruel world outside of their bubble. Surprisingly, Rowan didn’t push her away, he hugged her back and brought her even closer to him as he cried in her arms.

She stroked the back of his head and his back, murmuring words of comfort in his ear. It tore her heart apart when she looked around the room. She didn’t care about the plates and the bottles shattered on the floor, but she broke when she realized it probably was the physical representation of what was going on in that pretty mind of his.

“It’s okay, Ro, I’m here,” she whispered into his ear, a tear dropping on her cheek. It was just too much to see him this way.

“My father is dying,” Rowan’s voice broke as he gripped her shirt, crying harder as he pronounced those words, “His chemo isn’t working, and he’s fucking dying.”

“Anything can happen, Ro, you cannot lose hope.”

He shook his head, “You don’t understand.”

She wanted to say that she did, that she was losing her godfather, but how could she compare it to losing an actual father? Aelin knew that if it was Rhoe who she had to watch dying slowly, she would be worse than Rowan.

“I know I don’t, but please, try to not lose hope.”

“I’m losing both my father and my best friend, how can you expect me to have hope?”

She was glad his head was hidden in her neck because she couldn’t fight her sobs anymore, “You’re not losing me, I’m here.”

“Yes, I am,” he sobbed. “I lost you years ago.”

“You never lost me,” Aelin’s hold on him tightened, “Look where I am. I’m with you right now, not with anyone else. I know our path diverged a lot lately, and don’t think I’m not suffering from it as much as you do. But look at us, we’re always ending up at the same place. Always.”

He shook his head as if he didn’t believe her. “You want to know more about me than anyone else?”

He looked up at her at this, and Aelin smiled as he nodded. She’d be ashamed of what she was going to say, but she didn’t care. She needed him to understand that she was done running. She wasn’t letting him go any longer, even if it’s just to save their friendship and not giving in to Aelin’s desire for them to be more. “I found a way to eat vegetables.”

He arched a brow at this and she was happy to see that he wasn’t crying as hard as before. She kept going, keeping his attention away from his own problem. “Gods, I can’t believe I’m saying this. I eat those baby food things. And I can’t even stop because they’re so good, so I just hide them.”

He squinted at her, she bit her lips to keep her laughter in. “Which one is your favorite?”

“Guess.”

His brows furrowed as he thought and then, “Carrots?”

That’s when she laughed, hiding her face in his chest as she nodded. Aelin’s heart was going to burst out of joy when he followed her, laughing hard. “Don’t laugh!” She jokingly hit his back but nothing did, he kept laughing.

“That’s probably the most Aelin thing you have ever done.”

“Don’t say that!” she complained, letting go of him so she could look at him. With shaking hands full of hesitations, she wiped away the tears from his cheeks, using the sleeve of her shirts to dry them. She didn’t want to do too much, she didn’t want to touch him too much, both for her sanity and his relationship. It was hypocritical of her, she realized. Rowan and Aelin had done much worse than hug, but it wasn’t correct. She had done the mistake once, and she didn’t want to do it again.

“And for your father,” Aelin broke the bubble of happiness around them but it was necessary, “He’s fighting. Everyone around him is fighting for him. There are other treatments he can try, you know that no one is going to leave him alone. And if things don’t go as we want them to… I’ll be right there. I’ll be by your side and I’ll hold your hand.”

She knew these specific words had power between them. It had been the first time he had pushed her away, and she had let him.

“I don’t care how much you reject me this time. I’ll be there.”

Rowan nodded, understanding the depth of what she had just said. This whole ignoring each other thing was done. Aelin was going to stick around, whether he wanted it or not. It was Aelin and Rowan against the world, as it has always been and should have always been.

Yes, they had lost some time but she decided to stop focusing on the past. What truly mattered was what would happen, not what already happened. She felt it, the love between them when he hugged her, hiding her head in his chest. She felt how strong this bond was between the two of them, and she wouldn’t have traded it for anyone else.

When Aelin turned her head, Sam had opened the door. Taking Lyria to yours, he mouthed to Aelin and she nodded, not leaving Rowan’s arms. Sam stayed in the doorway for a moment, looking at the two people hugging. Aelin didn’t like the clear pain on his face, he was a good man, he really was. She was sure loving him would be way less complicated than loving her best friend, but he wasn’t Rowan.

Sam nodded, smiling at her before leaving. She knew she’d move out after the holiday, no matter if Sam told her it was okay for her to stay. He needed to move on, and she wouldn’t help him to do so while living with him. She still had to know where she would go, but that was a problem for another day.

It was Lyria’s turn to walk in front of the door, eyeing her boyfriend and Aelin. She looked pained as she took in the kitchen’s state, but her face turned soft as she watched Aelin and Rowan. If Aelin was being honest, she had no idea how Lyria kept her cool. If it was Aelin who saw her boyfriend in a situation like this she would go feral, but the brunette always had a softness to her that Aelin had been born lacking.

Thank you, she mouthed. Aelin smiled, she hadn’t done anything that deserved thanking, but she ignored it and just smiled.

It was hard to force Rowan upstairs and have him shower, their little moment in the kitchen having knocked him out a little. She forced him under the shower, he complained and whined but she was sure he would thank her in the morning.

Even if she had to take care of him, Aelin didn’t hate this moment. There was something intimate about the way he asked her to wash his hair, something that had butterflies fluttering in Aelin’s stomach. She played with his hair a moment longer than necessary, if his purrs were any indications he didn’t mind.

Then she put him in his bed and he fell asleep before his head hit the pillow. Aelin stayed sitting in his room, keeping an eye on him all night long. After this moment of weakness, after everything he confided in her, she didn't want him to wake up alone the next morning.

❆—❆—❆—❆

Aelin soon found out that talking seriously with someone while living in a cabin with all of your friends happened to be quite complicated. Not that she needed to have the conversation right now, if she was being honest she was feeling better knowing that it was not possible at the moment, but she knew she and Rowan needed to talk. And not the whole I’ll stay there for you talk. If they wanted their friendship to start on a solid base again, they needed to talk about what happened for them to start acting so weirdly with the other.

The word friendship tasted sour, but Aelin ignored the feeling of unease she had whenever someone called Rowan her friend or her best friend. It had been this way forever, she didn’t know why everything in her changed now that she had put a word on one of her feelings.

And of course, with Lorcan who finally had the balls to ask Elide to be his girlfriend, Aelin and Rowan ended up kicked out of their bedrooms. Aelin was supposed to sleep with Elide and Rowan with Lorcan, but when Elide had asked Aelin to switch, stars in her eyes, how could she have refused?

That was how Aelin ended up sharing a bed with Rowan after years of not doing so. Aelin had been fidgeting all evening long and she was trying to keep her mind busy by reading a very steamy yulemas romance. The main character was splayed out at the feet of the yulemas tree, her love interest kissing her at a very interesting place. Aelin crossed her legs as she kept reading, focused on the scene.

“What are you doing?” Rowan’s voice interrupted her in her filthy thoughts, she raised her head, closing her book around one of her fingers so she could finish reading later. He had been taking a shower and Aelin had probably been too focused on the story to hear when the water stopped running.

Her mind had wandered on to the three beers he had drunk. She knew it was less than what he had drunk ever since he came back from college but she was still worried. But could she really just tell him this without risking him slipping off and making things worse? She had needed the distraction from this problem, hence the steamy book.

Aelin couldn’t answer, her eyes attracted by Rowan’s naked torso. He had only sleeping shorts on, some water from his wet hair running down his torso. She swallowed, looking everywhere but at her best friend. He had no rights being this attractive, he had no right to make being shirtless almost erotic.

“Reading.”

“Reading what?”

“A book.”

He raised an eyebrow, apparently not convinced. She didn’t really care, to be honest, she was way too busy staring at him. It was probably because of this that she didn’t notice him walking to her until it was too late.

She tried to fight for her book when he took it from his hands. His eyebrows raised to his hairline as he read whatever filthy thing was written in this book and then looked at her, a slight flush on his cheeks. It had been dark when they had shared their intimate moment last year and she had been so drunk she hadn’t paid any attention to the details. She wondered if it was what Rowan looked like turned on, wondered if the flush on his shoulders and cheeks betrayed the confidence he had shown her. She wanted to slap herself as she wondered if that was what he looked like as he made love to Lyria. Though, he hadn’t seemed the type to make love. But she couldn’t really compare their short affair in the car to how he fucked his girlfriend of almost two years.

An acute feeling tore her heart apart as she thought these things, the same feeling she had felt when Remelle had been near Rowan. Jealousy.

“Damn, Ae,” Rowan slowly chuckled.

She ripped the book from his hands, squinting at him. “Something against a woman enjoying some erotica?”

He raised his hands in defense, walking to his side of the room. The side where Aelin didn’t feel like she was going to jump him for stealing all her air. “Absolutely not. Better than supporting the porn industry? Isn’t that what you always said?”

Aelin’s smile was big, “You remember?”

He scoffed, “Do I remember the time you explained to me how bad the porn industry was and that you would never support it and all the reasons why? Yeah, I vaguely do.”

She chuckled, remembering how pronounced she was with her opinions in high school and how Rowan had been the one to listen every time she formed a new opinion on something.

“Well, you could take notes.”

He looked at her, sitting on the bed. “Of the book?”

Aelin shrugged, watching him lay on the bed. It was all so real to have him there beside her, she was suddenly very aware of the low neckline of her shirt and how short her shorts were. “Were my skills lacking?”

Aelin choked on nothing, her eyes wide and her mouth open. Did he just-? “What?”

“Last year. Wasn’t it good?”

Aelin coughed, she couldn’t believe he had just referred to what happened between them as if it had been the most normal thing in the world. She cleared her throat, looking everywhere but at the very intense green eyes that were looking at her. “No. No, I don’t believe you lacked anything”

“You don’t believe so?” Rowan laughed, “Nice, Aelin. You know how to compliment a man.”

She didn’t know how to tell him he had ruined her for anyone else. She didn’t know how to tell him he had given her more pleasure with his fingers than anyone who touched her. She didn’t know how to tell him she had slept with men this last year for the sole purpose of forgetting what he sounded like when he reached his climax. “It was very good.” She admitted quietly, unable to say what had been on her mind. “What- What about you? Anything to say about my skills?”

He seemed to think about it and he finally answered when Aelin looked back at her. He looked hungry, and not for food. Her hand clenched around the material of her shirt as she took a deep breath. “I said it all that night. You were perfect.”

His eyes darted between her eyes and mouth, his head slowly getting closer and closer to her. Unconsciously, she rolled on her side, closing some distance between them. She must look like a madwoman as her eyes were fixed on his full, rosy lips. They had always felt so good, Aelin wondered if they’d feel different now that she knew of her feelings.

One of his hands slipped into her hair, angling her head correctly. It was this contact that woke her up, her eyes leaving his lips. She sat, leaving Rowan on his side as he was ready to kiss her. Again. She passed two hands on her face, trying to wake up. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him, she wanted nothing more than to tear his clothes apart and show him how good she could make him feel.

But Lyria.

And their friendship.

“Aelin?” His voice was rough and full of desire. Desire for her. Fuck.

“I need air,” she said, standing up and leaving the room, praying to the gods he wouldn’t follow her as she put on a coat and sat on the porch, trying to get her mind to think straight.

She was fucked if he tried to act on his desire for her. She truly was. Couldn’t he understand that? They couldn’t be friends if they kept kissing, if they kept looking at the other as if they were their next meal. It was so goddamn hard to be around him and not slip an arm around his waist, it was so hard not to kiss him when he was laughing with his friends. She really didn’t need him showing interest in her back. She hid her head in her hands, groaning as tears slipped from her eyes. She couldn’t lose him, but she couldn’t stay this way with him either. Her hands shook as she wondered that she was destined to lose him one way or another, there was no way for them to stay just friends.

When she came back to their room an hour later, Rowan was deep asleep, his head turned to her side of the bed. She shouldn’t have, but she couldn’t help nudging close to him as she slipped between the sheets, relishing in his warmth.

❆—❆—❆—❆

Aelin had been ignoring Rowan all day now. Whenever he looked at her, she looked away as she was caught staring. The first few days had gone well, more than well, actually. Aelin felt like she was back to her old self, where eating wasn’t too much of a struggle and where she didn’t have any other problems than Lorcan existing.

That first day, they had a competition of who could create the prettiest gingerbread house. Aelin, Lysandra, and Elide teamed up against Rowan, Aedion, and Lorcan while the others went out on a hike. Rowan had wanted to join them but Aelin had only needed to pout for a second before he decided to stay at the cabin.

Aelin and the girls had won, she decided so. She didn’t care how much the guys protested, saying that what they had done was basically just a square without doors or windows. What if the gingerbread people had social anxiety? Of course, they wouldn’t want people to stare at them through the window.

She ignored Rowan’s taunts the whole day, he was having too much fun making fun of her. She ignored his presence until she couldn’t anymore when he started tickling her, holding her tightly in his strong arms as he tortured her. She was crying and both her belly and cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.

They both seemed to be in an agreement to not speak about each other’s problem but still try to fix it. Aelin always handed a soda to Rowan before he could stand and take something else. She didn’t manage to have him completely sober, but two beers a day was better than what he was used to drinking. He always looked at her unhappy when she did this, but she just had to give him a tentative smile for him to take the soda and drink it. She guessed he was trying to make things better in his own way. They still hadn’t talked about what had happened in his kitchen, Aelin had cleaned everything and left a note with an excuse she was sure Lily wouldn’t believe one second for the broken plates.

Rowan, on his side, always pushed Aelin to eat. He always put more food on her plate than what she would have taken by herself and threw glances that said If I can slow down on drinking, you can eat. She didn’t like how he had noticed she avoided food, but she guessed it made sense for them to notice everything about the other. Not only did he feed her, but he also kept her distracted for at least two hours after every meal, speaking to her and forcing her into board games with everyone, he never left her alone. As if he knew that if she thought too much about what she had eaten she wouldn’t eat the next meal.

Everything had gone well and Aelin could even say she felt happy, until this morning. She hadn’t planned on waking up curled with Rowan, his arm draped protectively over her waist and his head in the curve of her neck, his hot breath tickling her skin. Every morning they had woken up a little closer to the other, but never this way. They had never blatantly touched since the almost kiss.

For minutes she had stayed there, too stunned to move. If she was ready to admit it, she would also say that she had never felt better than when she woke up in his arms. When his hold on her tightened and he unconsciously drew their body closer, Aelin seemed to wake up a second time.

Aelin sat, waking up Rowan in the process. He groaned, lifting his head to see what was wrong. He took in Aelin’s ragged breathing and his eyes lowered to where his arm rested at her hips. He jerked away, sitting too. Aelin knew she had the same reaction as him but she couldn’t help being hurt at how fast he jerked away from her. Aelin slipped into one of her sweaters and left the door without saying anything. When she looked back a second before closing the door, Rowan was sitting on the bed, his head hidden in his hands as if he was deep in his thoughts.

And now here she was, on the last day of the year ignoring her best friend because she was too scared of what happened between them. She hated Sam, she knew she shouldn’t but she still did. If he hadn’t led her to realize her feelings she wouldn’t act this way, she wouldn’t be so hyper-aware of everything Rowan did.

“We thought about going out tonight, to celebrate the New Year,” Lysandra started, looking at Rowan and Aelin who were sitting awkwardly on the same couch. “Want to come?”

Normally, they’d be a part of their plans from the beginning, but Rowan and Aelin had started refusing plans this week to stay together, either playing something or just talking. Everything outside of Rowan was uninteresting.

Aelin was going to accept, she wasn’t used to partying a lot but she thought that if there was a night to get absolutely smashed, it was this one. But Rowan was faster to answer, “No, actually. We already had plans.”

Lysandra looked doubtfully at Aelin, probably wondering what exactly was happening between them. She had already had the question from Aedion twice this week since she had kind of confided in him of what had happened between them. She had skipped multiple parts of their stories, but still, Aedion was one of the only people she had told she didn’t speak to Rowan anymore. She successfully ignored her cousin’s questions.

Aelin hesitated for a second but soon said, “Yeah. Sorry. But have a drink for me.”

❆—❆—❆—❆

Aelin had been holding up a question for hours now, and it burned the tip of her tongue as she closely watched Rowan cooking. She took a sip of her beer, keeping her eyes on her best friend as he lifted the lid of one of his dishes and lowered himself to taste the tomato sauce that was simmering in the pan. His humming noise echoed in the room, he nodded, apparently satisfied with himself.

She salivated at the smell of his preparation, Rowan’s cooking was always delicious. It was a trait he had from his father, if cooking even was something that could be passed. She wondered if it was something some people -definitely not her, though- could learn. But Rowan had always been more than okay with being the only one cooking between the two of them. He had actually begged her to never touch a dish ever again after she tried to surprise him with bolognese for his sixteen birthday.

It was fine by her, she had less work to do and she could observe him. Now that she knew what this feeling was, she could say it. Aelin loved watching Rowan cooking. There was just something about him navigating through the kitchen, his eyebrow slightly frowning as he focused on not burning anything.

“Why did you want to stay?” She finally asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

He looked up, his apron doing things she rather not think about. He looked unsettled by the question as if he had thought that after all these hours after their conversation with Lysandra, she wouldn’t ask. He had almost been right if she was honest.

He put the spatula next to the dish, resting his back on the shelves behind him and crossing his arms. He looked impressive that way. He looked at Aelin's beer as if it were making eyes at him, but he quickly turned his eyes away. Feeling guilty, Aelin hid her drink as best she could behind a pasta container.

He shrugged, “I didn’t feel like bringing you partying was the best idea.”

Her laugh was sour, “Thanks for the trust.” She knew she didn’t have the best record, she knew she had done too much for a part of her life. She had always done too much. Aelin viewed life this way, it was either nothing or everything. She knew no such thing as the middle ground.

“It’s not like that,” Rowan sighed. “I’ve seen and heard how you stopped living this way. At least in excess. I was just scared of everything… I was afraid it would push you back into bad habits.”

Everything being this inevitable attraction between them. She wasn’t stupid, she knew it wasn’t just her, and that just made it all scarier. Rowan pushed away from where he stood to come closer to her, invading her personal space. Her breathing quickened as he put two hands on both sides of her, blocking her where she was. “Can we,” he swallowed. Aelin marveled at all the emotions in his eyes, he seemed both determined and scared. “Can we do something tonight?”

“What?” Aelin breathed, never breaking eye contact.

“I want this one night to be about honesty. No lies, no keeping ourselves safe from our feelings. None of that. Just, you and me, naked from any armor.”

This was scary, but Aelin nodded. She knew that this night would change everything. If they stopped pretending it would bring a lot of new things into their friendship. She was just scared it wouldn’t be good things only. Rowan smiled a little at that.

So, with this new element in their dynamic, Aelin asked again. “Why did you want to stay here tonight?”

“Because I didn’t want to share you,” he admitted quickly, as if it had been stuck on his chest for too long and he was finally free of this and it made it easier for him to breathe. “Because this is the last night of the year and I thought that I didn’t want to spend it in a club with other people when the only one I want to be with is right there.”

“Oh,” It was stupid how it was the only thing she had to say. But the look in her eyes, she knew it said enough. She knew it said she felt the same. Everything she wanted was right there.

He seemed to hesitate for a second before saying something, his mouth opening and then closing. “I woke up before you this morning. I pretended to wake up when you freaked out.”

So, he had tucked her closer because he wanted to? Aelin didn’t know why it changed so much. It was him acting on his attraction when Aelin had worked so hard to ignore hers. It was unfair, unfair that he had chosen the easy path when she worked so hard to make things right. She’d say this, express herself, if he hadn’t asked her something first.

“Do you love Sam?”

“W-what?”

He closed his eyes for a second before opening them again, his gaze striking her. “You heard me. Are you in love with Sam?”

There was no way she could fool him even if she wanted to. “No, never been.”

He seemed to breath for the first time in years and she wondered why it seemed to matter that much to him. If she just dared to ask he would tell her, she knew it, but she wouldn’t. Just because outside of this cabin, both of them still had their separate lives, because he had a girlfriend and Aelin would never look at herself the same if she heard what he would say. “But you dated him.”

“I didn’t,” she shook her head, drawing confusion from him. He furrowed his brows, urging her to keep going. “When I came back last Yulemas I was so lost in myself… I don’t know. Then Lyria arrived and fuck, Ro, you had someone I had never heard about. I just panicked and Sam saw that. He said I was his girlfriend and I followed along.”

“But- But you live together, Ae. Dorian told me that.”

She swallowed. It was the moment when she’d have to tell her secret to someone else than Sam. “I dropped out,” she admitted. His eyes turned worried the second she spoke. “Last year, right after Yulemas. I didn’t stop partying right away, it got worse right after I came back for about two months. I don’t remember most of what happened at that time, but I know it’s the moment food and my weight started being a problem. I dropped out and I hid it, only Sam knows. I moved in with him out of campus. I even let Dorian believe I still go to class, I go on campus just so he can see me there and not think I’m a complete fuck up.”

She didn’t notice she was crying until Rowan wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “Aelin…”

“Don’t,” she snapped. “Don’t use this tone.”

“Why?” He asked. “Why did everything go bad for you? I need to know.”

She hadn’t even realized the reason before she said it out loud, “Because I was looking for you, Ro.” She looked him in the eyes. He wanted honesty? Here it was. “Because I thought that if I went out every night and lost myself into a crowd I’d be less alone without you miles away from me. But it never worked, and every time I needed more because maybe this time. Maybe this time I wouldn’t feel the empty feeling I had. And after last year, my mind associated partying with you at my side. For months, I drank only so I could try to call you. And every time I was too weak to press the call button. I stopped after a while, when I started being drunk even during daytime.”

“So it’s all my fault.”

Aelin shook her head, “No. It’s mine. It’s my fault I’ve always been dependent on you.”

Rowan dropped his head on her shoulder, processing everything that had just been said between the two. “I am on you, too.” He said after a long silence. Aelin’s heart beat easier at that, at the reassurance that he, too, needed her to live “I think we’re both the stupidest people on this goddamn planet.”

Aelin snorted, it was such a contrast with the serious things they were talking about. “Why?”

“I never dated Lyria, either.” What? Her brain and heart stopped functioning at the same time. He lost his breath, “You didn’t come back that summer, Aelin.”

“I don’t understand,” Aelin whispered, afraid she was too loud and would wake up from whatever dream she was in.

“Remember? If you don’t come back for the holiday because you found yourself a girlfriend, I’ll kill you, you said. And I answered the same goes for you. I had kissed you, and then I pushed you away and I thought that was it. I had ruined everything. I still had that tiny bit of hope until The Mothers said you wouldn’t be back the whole summer because you were traveling with Sam. The boy you told me you had no interest in just a few months prior. Aelin, I don’t know why but my heart broke, it felt like a betrayal,” Rowan admitted, he looked as if she was in pain. As if he was reliving the heartbreak he just told her about. Unable to resist, Aelin cupped his cheek, raising on her toes to put her brow against his.

“Dorian was so proud of himself, too. Telling everyone how sure he was that you and Sam would be together at the end of this trip and how he was the one who set the two of you up. I- It was petty but one day I talked to Lyria about it, we had met in one of our business classes. We’re pretty good friends, the closest I had to a best friend for a while,” It hurt, but Aelin realized Lyria must have been his Dorian. Would never replace each other but still nice to have a friend. “She just said, show her what she is missing. I said you weren’t this type of person and Lyria just chuckled and then convinced me. Her parents and she have a bad relationship, so we both had something out of it. I could see if you were jealous, I could pretend I didn’t hold on to the hope of you while you were with someone else and Lyria could both help a friend and have a good Yulemas. When I think about it, it sounds like something from your books but… That’s what happened, Aelin.”

“You…” Aelin started, it was so much to process. It was all too much. “You’ve never loved her?”

“No,” Rowan breathed, the truth finally breaking between the two.

Aelin decided she didn’t care about anything else anymore. She didn’t care about her fears, she didn’t care anymore about the future. The only thing she cared about was the truth. “Why?” Her breath was ragged, and she opened her eyes, finding Rowan already looking at her. Their brows still touching. “Why did it break your heart?”

Rowan shook his head, breaking contact with them, and started to walk away. Aelin was done with this, she wanted truth and honesty. She held him by his shirt, bringing him back close to her. No running away this time. “Don’t,” he breathed. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Why did it break your heart, Rowan?” Aelin asked again. He wanted the truth? That worked both ways.

“Damnit, Ae,” he whispered, tightly closing her eyes. “You want to know why?”

Aelin nodded, “Yes.”

He lost a breath and the next second, both of his hands cupped her cheeks as he kissed her. His lips were soft and warm against hers and Aelin entirely lost herself into the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him closer. He bit on her lower lip, drawing a moan out of her. She opened her mouth to let him in, wanting to taste him badly after not doing so in a year, but he broke the kiss. She could have learned witchcraft at that moment just so she could kill him. Or better, curse him for life to feel as desperate as she did now, just so he could know what it felt like.

“You wanted to know why my break broke when I believed you loved someone else? Because of this. Because you made me fall in love with you when we were thirteen and I’ve never been the same ever since.”

He loved her? In love? Since they were thirteen?

She had so many questions, she opened her mouth to ask them but Rowan wasn’t in the mood apparently because he kissed her, taking advantage of her open mouth to slip his tongue inside. She moaned, finally getting a taste of him. All of her questions ran out of her head the moment their tongue touched, her hands slipping into his hair.

She barely realized how he sat her on the counter, parting her legs to stand in between. She got closer to the edge, needing all the contact between them. He seemed more than on board with this plan, his hands grabbing her hips. It felt intensely good to be able to act on everything she had kept inside for a year. Well, no. Who was she kidding? She had wanted Rowan for years now, even before they started acting on their attraction to each other.

When his hand slipped under her shirt, Aelin seemed to realize where it was going. Did she want to have sex with him now? She did, she really did. Her entire body ached for Rowan, her entire body needed Rowan. But she needed answers first. “Stop,” she whispered and Rowan obeyed in the second, his lips leaving an empty feeling on hers. “You can’t just say that and then try to shut me up.”

“It was worth a try,” he teased her, but Aelin wasn’t in the mood.

“Say it again.”

“Say what again?”

“You know what.”

He took her head between his hands, forcing her to look him in the eyes. He seemed determined but calm, as if the words he pronounced had freed him from whatever hellhole he had thrown himself in months ago. “I love you Aelin. I feel like I always did, and I always will. Everything about you is my home, everything about you is my reason to wake up every day. I like what you like, I hate what you hate. Everything I do is for you, every single decision is taken according to you. Is it healthy? No. Do I give a single fuck? Absolutely not. I’ll love you even when we are only ash in the sea.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

He chuckled but the sound was void of humor, “Why? Because you’ve never shown any interest in me, Aelin. Because I was so scared of ruining our friendship. I guess in the end it still happened, whether I stayed quiet or not.”

What the hell was he on? “No interest? Are you joking me?”

“While you were looking at me discreetly you were having your shot with Dorian and Chaol, and you weren’t shy when you flirted with them, Ae. So no matter how I wanted to interpret these stolen looks, they represented nothing.”

“Even if you believed that, we kissed for the first time two years ago, for Mala’s sake. You should have known right there that I…” Aelin found herself stupid, unable to say that she loved him. She wanted to, she really did, but when she still wasn’t sure he wouldn’t run away, she didn’t know if she could really say it. So instead, Aelin said, “That I was attracted to you. You still pushed me away, you told me you didn’t want a girlfriend holding your hand, Rowan.”

“I know, I just–”

“Last year you pushed me away, too. In fact, I feel like you always do whenever I get a little too close. Are you going to push me again at the end of the night?”

“No,” he was so sure of his answer. Aelin couldn’t see any doubt on his face.

“I don’t know if I can believe you,” she admitted.

He pursed his lips, not enjoying her answer. Then, he nodded, “I understand. Two years ago, I got scared. My dad got his cancer and I just– I couldn’t let anyone in, even less you. I was so scared of hurting you, Aelin. Then last year, yeah we did what we did in that car, but you were out there drinking because of me. Because my jealousy got the better of me and I hurt you, how could I just stay in your life?”

“What changed, then?”

“Nothing,” he said, and Aelin thought it was over. He’d find another reason to disappear. “I’m still as scared to hurt you as I was a year ago. I’m messed up, Aelin, we both know that. But I can’t do this anymore, not when you’re not around. We’re both miserable without the other. And… If we’re destined to be fucked up, if that is who we are, isn’t it better if we’re together?”

“So, you’re not running?”

“No, not this time,” he said. “But I’ll also get help, because even if I’m a fuck up, you deserve so much better than what I am right now. You’re not saying you love me and I get it, but I know you do. Hellas, if it takes you twenty years to say it, I don’t care. But I’m going to work on myself, I’m going to become the person you deserve. And when I’m done, I hope you’ll give me a chance at a relationship.”

Did he really think his problems made him not worthy of her? Aelin was the one who fucked everything up, she should ahve insisted, she shoudln’t have let him push her away.

Rowan had been by her side her entire life, and she knew that if during those years of almost silence she had called him, he would have come for her. She knew that if either of them had been in trouble, the other would have been there the next morning. But they had been too stubborn, too proud to admit it. Aelin had wasted so many times, did she really want to keep doing it? Both of them deserved better. And maybe, Aelin deserved to love herself half as much as she loved Rowan.

“Only,” she started. “Only if you give me a chance when I get the help I need.”

He let out a long breath at this, probably relieved she would get help too. He kissed her softly, breaking the kiss far too quickly for her liking. “Go get your bags.”

“What?”

He gave her lips one last peck before turning off the baking sheet. “You heard me. No way I’m giving us time to change our minds. We’re leaving now.”

Aelin got off the counter, it was sudden, but she agreed. If they left now they had no chance of going back. Their life would change and for the better. Aelin grabbed his waist and brought him close to her, closing the distance between their lips. Now that she could do it freely, she wouldn’t stop. She’d never get enough of kissing Rowan.

His hand slipped into her hair, holding her head still as his lips ravished hers. Her hands clenched on his shirt, she needed more. She needed him. She wondered if they’d have to part ways when they came home, they probably would. She wasn’t afraid of either of them changing their mind in the meantime, but she was scared she would miss him so much it’d make things worse.

She moaned as his tongue teased her lips, she opened her mouth just for Rowan to break the contact, his brow now against hers. His breathing was as heavy as hers, the only comfort she had in the fact she’d been taken away from her new favorite drug.

“Go pack before I take you right there,” he said.

Aelin pressed their bodies together, feeling the evidence of his arousal pressing against her. She moaned softly, gods, she wanted him even more now. Was it possible for desire to consume her?

“Maybe I want you to,” she breathed.

He groaned, his hand drifting to her ass and squeezing. “Believe me, I want nothing more than that. But I already screwed up so many steps in our relationship. I’m not taking you anywhere other than in bed for the first time.”

“Our bedroom is right there,” Aelin answered. She knew she was very unlikely to get what she wanted but it was always good to try.

He chuckled breathlessly, “You’re so tempting,” he kissed her quickly. “Not until we’re both feeling better. This is my limit, is it okay?”

Aelin rose on her toes, brushing their lips together. It seemed that as they started kissing they couldn’t stop. “More than okay, Rowan.”

He smiled through their kiss, not caring that it was pretty impractical. After long enough that Aelin was sure her lips were swollen, Rowan broke the kiss and playfully smacked her ass. “Go pack, if we leave now we’ll be home by dawn.”

Aelin nodded and did what he wanted her to, with a huge smile on her face. She couldn’t believe two weeks ago she had been looking for the best excuse to stay in her apartment to avoid Rowan, just for her to leave the cabin with him as her… Was he her boyfriend? She thought he checked all the cases to be her boyfriend, but she didn’t feel like that word was enough for what was between them. And who cared about what he was? What mattered was that he was by her side and wouldn’t leave.

Too many emotions had her sleeping through most of the journey back home, Rowan’s hand almost never leaving her thigh. She had texted Aedion, telling him that everything was okay but she was going home. He hadn’t texted her back yet when they arrived in Orynth but at least they were all warned as to why neither she nor Rowan would be at the cabin.

Aelin didn’t want to leave the safety of the car when Rowan parked in front of his house. She knew both of their families were there, having spent New Year’s Eve together as usual. The car was full of Rowan’s scent, giving her a feeling of comfort. “Ready?” Rowan asked.

Aelin slowly looked at him and shook her head, lips pursed. He smiled tenderly at her, his hand squeezing her thigh. “Me neither,” he admitted. “I don’t think I’ll ever be.”

“Like a bandaid then? We just go there and rip it off?”

“Yeah, it’s that easy,” Rowan said sarcastically. Aelin grabbed his hand and interlaced their fingers. Feeling his skin against hers helped her relax.

“Together,” Aelin said.

He squeezed her hand, “To whatever end.”

--------

@sheharahu //  @morganofthewildfire // @thestoriesyoutell // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @swankii-art-teacher // @itsforeverinnocent-blog // @becarefuloflove // @imnotsogoodatthis// @rowaelinismyotp // @a-court-of-milkandhoney y // @feysand-loml // @themoonthestarsthesuriel // @live-the-fangirl-life // @story-scribbler // @loves-books // @fangirlprincess09 // @theysayitscrazy// @hellasblessed // @danibutterr // @endlessdaydream // @thegreyj// @gracie-rosee // @acreativelydifferentlove // @cretaceous-therapod // @louphantomdragon // @miss-lil-red // @backtobl4ck // @whoever-you-choose-to-love // @lemonade-coolattas // @mad-madeline-ace

#rowan whitethorn #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfiction #rowan x aelin #rowan and aelin #aelin galathynius #MAMWSY #MMWSY

[withoneheadlight]

life has been a bit crazy for me so I haven’t been around but I’m glad to see that the upside down kiss fic is circulating back around bc it lives rent free in my mind constantly and I am whORE KNEE 😩

nsfw! anon

(I hope you’ve seen well I miss u :((( )

NSFW!ANON I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU I MISS YOUUUUUU!!!!! Holy shit this is the nicest surprise!!!!!! 💖💖💖🌟💖🌟💖🌟💖🌟💖 Wish your life were at least a bit less crazy :(. Mine's been a bit crazy too. Weird and busy. Haven't been letting me much time for fandom and i miss it so, SO FUCKING much. 

And <3<3<3, haha yep! i’ve got a soft spot for that fic too bc i had so much fun writing it, and it’s even funnier on my mind idk xD. i’m so happy people likes it. Those gifs are like a harringrove inspiration charm i swear! Maybe you’ve already seen it but @warheadache added this amazing ar to it and 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉.

also!! i know it doesn’t look like it but i’ve got a couple things for you on the works and i’m closer to finish them!! at my snail pace but yk, 

a few excerpts bc i want to give them to you so baaaaaadddDDDDDD:

(I'm sure you'll recognize the working titles :P)

| n s f w ahead |

~

| boots |

And it’s been more than three years. More than three years of holes on his body and holes on his veins and stitches and tubes and pills and pain under every scar and unsteady steps and pulling together a pile of dirty rubble. More than one of Steve, Steve, Steve. Of coming back in busts and flickers. Enough gasoline left to light a spark. Too empty still to start a fire.

Except―

He’s going through his old stuff, one day. Cold outside. Late January. Chill fogging the windows. Daylight pouring to the edges of the sky like red-hot steel on the other side.

Billy’s on the floor. The contents of the two plastic bags collecting dust at the bottom of his closet since he moved in here now scattered all around. Cassettes and crumpled papers and tampered books and stupid memorabilia and. His old tight jeans. His leather jackets. His light-blue denim one, with the blood-red goodbye kiss of somebody whose cheek he remembers touching, whose face he can’t remember anymore.

And Billy doesn’t hear him coming, but one moment he’s not, the next Steve’s crouching by his side, leaning against him, too lightly for it to be in need of balance.

“God, Hargrove” he huffs, picks Billy’s favorite shirt out of the pile “Am I remembering this one right?”

Billy bites in a smile. Swallows down some bitterness.

“You are”

Steve nods, mouth twisting into a grin, a brow rising. Glances down at what Billy’s holding (on to) between his hands.

“And oooh. Those boots”

Still dirty. More dark brownish than black. One of the few things he got back from the hospital. His pendant being the only one he ever put back on.

“Yeah”

“Thinking ‘bout using any of these again?” Steve gives the shirt a light shake, the dark-red fabric dragging on the wooden floor.

Last time Billy wore it, he burned hole in it. A stray ember fell from his joint, right under the left pocket. Tiny enough to pass mostly unseen but―

For a closer look, it was ruined.

Two days later, the Mind-Flyer dragged him into the basement of Brimborn Steel Works.

Billy digs his fingers into the dry leather before they can start shaking.

“I don’t―” Takes in a big gulp of air “―know. Don’t know if they’ll fit anymore” It feels like nothing.

Because, he doesn’t mean only his body. Means it all. Because he’s alivealivealive, like some kind of inevitability. Alive like a form of inertia.

Alive because that’s all he had left. Got’s left. The only thing he could. Can. Do.

But,

But

“Uhmm” Steve exhales. Looks right into his eyes and it feels like he’s looking deeper. And it’s not the first time, not the first time Billy wonders, how much he knows, and how he knows it. Wonders what he might be seeing, what his instinct might be saying for him to―lower down his voice, eat away almost every single one of the scarce millimeters keeping their mouths from touching “Maybe the boots, then” his hair tickling Billy as it falls over his forehead, the feeling of it so intimate it seems illicit “Only, the boots”.

And those words. Those words. Taste like gasoline on Billy’s mouth, make the flame almost catch. Hot. As they feel over the rabbiting pulse of his jugular. Ad there shouldn’t be any empty space left between them when Steve moves even closer, his lips brushing a path of raw tenderness over Billy’s cheek, trailing sideways, air turning flammable and unstable, unbreathable when he says, “You’d look―” Voice hoarse. Shaky. Breath warm down the curve of Billy’s neck. Fingertips burning as a branding mark over his solar plexus “Hot as fuck”

Trading a grenade for Billy’s fast-beating heart.

And then― he’s getting up. Going away. Closing the door behind him. Leaving Billy one pull away from the detonation.

And Billy.

It’s been more than year since he moved. More than a year of SteveSteveSteve. Of coming back in busts and flickers. Enough gasoline left to light a spark. Too empty still to start a fire.

But Billy wants it, this kind of inevitability. Not inertia. No survival. Not that something living doesn’t really feels like. He wants Steve to release that bomb he just dropped inside of his body. Left Billy unmade. Shape him back together with his own two hands.

So he gets up. Wired-up and breathless. Anticipation beading on the surface of his skin. Thinks about of all those times alive felt like something reachable. That almost-touch sensation. Static singing on his fingertips: loving arms closing around his ocean-cold skin. The rumbling of the sea caught up on the shell of his ribcage. Max's crazy laugh like a hammer to his bones. The Camaro cooking the soles of his feet, speed making his head spin through a wormhole and out into the infinite. His knuckles cracking against the skin of another, finding bone. The metallic tang of blood flooding down the back of his tongue.

Love and fire and rage and―

He takes all his clothes off. They don’t feel like they fit, either. Socks. Sweats. Hoodie. T-Shirt. Takes a deep breath when the pendant bumps against the naked skin of his chest.

Puts his boots on.

Does the only thing he’s ever known.

“Steve!” he shouts. Pulse spiking up fast. Trying to beat a way out of his body “Can you come back in here?”

Skyrocketing, when Steve shouts back.

“Going!”

And then is the door clicking open. Billy’s lungs freezing in the middle of a breath. Steve’s eyes looking almost black as they catch the shadows. Sun falling down the reality of the other side.

And in a darkness like that, it’s only them what remains. Them, and the way they are looking at each other.

And Billy feels alive. Like falling. Feet slippin’ on the razor’s edge.

"Billy" breathes out Steve. Shoulder perched on the frame. Fingers tightening around the handle "Fuck, Billy I―"

“Yeah?”

Alive. Like a form of gravity when―

Steve comes forward. To him. Careful. Careful. Footsteps creaking on the wooden floor. Lashes falling down as his eyes drift. Swallows. Comes closer and closer still.

And then.

Their chest are brushing and their hands are almost touching and it's not even an inch but Billy has to look up even with his stupid boots on and,

“You said―”

Steve breathes in. Cuts Billy’s breath off his lungs.

Between them, there’s no room for anything that’s not the way they’re not touching.

“I know what I said”

The air, sparks, sizzles, becomes the memory of a thunderstorm and. The tips of Steve’s fingers make his hairs stand on end. High voltage. Spark over the inside of his wrist. The faded blue of his veins. And Billy shivers. Feels like that second of stasis before the rupture. Static calm and then― the ocean breaks.

And then Steve says,

“I wanna see it. That fire in you” and his fingers tickle across the hidden tenderness on the inside Billy’s elbow. Nails grazing their way up to his shoulder, detouring to contour the crest of his clavicle, slide down the trough, spreading as they follow the shape of Billy’s neck, thumb fitting into the corner of his lips and “C’mon.” smiling, smiling. Eyes creasing at the sides, lashes catching the few last strings of light. Wicked and sweet and devastating “Show me who’s that Billy Hargrove everybody's been telling me so much about”

~

| stick | tw: object insertion |

It’s thrilling, this secret, depraved game they play. Feels like it's forbidden. Leaves a sweet, honey-thick aftertaste.

And Billy is so. So curious. Can’t stop asking Steve to tell him “How it feels babe. I want to know how good it feels. God you look like it's hitting you just right” and Steve tells him. Steve fucks himself down into whatever thing Billy is holding for him, never touching himself until he’s almost there, wanting to ride that sole sensation right up until the very end. Shivering. Shaking. Breaking a sweat. The words coming ragged out of his open mouth. “Cold” or “Weird” or “Like. Too much–ah. Too much” and “Soft, God, Billy so soft” and–

“Why don’t you try it yourself?”

And Billy its so, so curious.

Billy does.

Rails himself for Steve to watch, slicked up with lube and dripping. With a rolling pin. A cucumber. Almost a whole box of wooden colored pencils, stuffed inside his ass one by one. With “ohgodgodgod”  the handle of Steve’s fucking nailed bat. Lets Steve holds whatever thing he chooses for him “C’mon, babe. C’mon. Treat it good. Swallow it as deep as you can. Take it like you would take my cock”

And life in Hawkins gets boring after the first, second, fourth, seventh yearly round. Steve takes that office work. Billy gets a permanent spot in the garage. If he gets real lucky, somebody takes him an interesting car from time to time. But sometimes Steve looks at Billy with dark, liquid eyes. Says “Ok enough”. His voice harsh. Rasped. Losing balance at the edge of what he’s able to restrain himself. Sounding as if he’s jealous of those things jamming the insides if Billy’s ass. Takes out Billy’s been writhing around. Fucks him hard. Fuck him deep. Fucks him so good there are tears in Billy’s eyes by the time he comes. Fallen apart and sobbing.

&

Steve’s driving. One hand on the wheel. One hand on the shift. The cool air of the night coming in shorts through the rolled-down window. On the radio, Ted Nugent’s making his guitar whine, the strings arching into the touch of his fingertips, asking for more more more, ‘Here I come again now baby. Like a dog in heat’

Steve’s long fingers flex over the knob, winter-cold white under reddened knuckles. He shifts from third to fourth with a smooth press and lets go of the clutch, and the Camaro sighs, settles. Steve makes her calm. Steve tames her. Where Billy makes her growl and kick Steve drives her like a lover, whispers to her with all his body I’m gonna fuck you so slow. We got all night, baby. Steve treats her right. Runs those fingers up and down the metallic rod of the shift and Billy gets hard. One second from zero to sixty.

His cock pulses, pulses. Fills up whole. The sudden rush of heat traveling up, up. Presses against the walls of his throat. Billy wants to feel the head of Steve’s cock against his bell. Wants Steve to make him choke on him.

Steve brakes. Clutches. Reduces. The Camaro moans, needy. Steve soothes her, caresses it with a soft brush of his thumb along the speed patter Shh, baby sshhh. Just hold a little bit longer. I promise I will let you come.

Billy feels himself twitch, spit out precum. The inside of his pants feels damp, appetizing. He lets his hips slide, rock.

The knob is real leather. Silver pattern ingrained over black. Seams carefully sew out on the surface as a touch of style.

Billy replaced it a few months ago, the old one too damaged by use. Worn out.

This one curves slightly forward.

It would hit just right.

Steve's eyes are alight, framed in the light reflected from the rearview mirror, a dramatic take out of an old Noir.

Except the brown shines full color. Alive.

Billy puts his hand over Steve’s on the knob, spreads his fingers around his.

Grips him hard.

“Hey, babe. Have you ever thought about it?”

“Mmm? About what?”

“About riding my car”

Steve huffs. Chuckles.

“I am driving your car”

“Yeah” Billy caresses the side of Steve’s hand with his thumb, a lagged reflection of his gesture. Thinks about how pretty Steve’s lips would look around that leather, mouth open wide “Don’t mean it like that”

&

Billy has to take a deep, shaky breath, thinking it's a miracle they ever get as far as they plan, that Steve Harrington's mere existence doesn't make him come just by looking at him.

Not all their games get to the finish line. But this, God, Billy wants this one to.

"Ah-ah" he shakes his head, smirks, keeps the stakes high "But if you hop on I'll let you eat my mouth"

“Mmmm. I don’t know”

Steve twists his lips, considering, looks like he’s willing to take his sweet time deciding, staying just like this, idly rocking on his lap, keeping Billy hooked in this scarce feeling, this almost kissing between their cocks.

And Billy––Uff. Billy it’s too revved-up, can’t take it any fucking second more.

Grabs Steve’s asscheeks. Lifts him up.

“Billy what the—ohfuck” It doesn't go in. ‘Course it doesn’t. When Billy lets Steve’s weight drop just a slight bit. It bumps. Slips. Wet and obscene. Rips a breathless thing of a sound out of his throat. But then Steve’s arms wrap around his neck. Bracing himself so Billy can take a hold of it, line himself up. And then yeah yeah. He barely has to rub the head against Steve’s slippery hole and his cock slides in. Eaaasy. All the way. Into Steve’s warmth. Tight. Tight. Tight. And–

“Ohfuck. OhfuckOh”

The air coming in from the window is cool, bristling, but it feels like nothing when Steve lets out a chocked cry. Fucks himself. Fast. Rough. Face buried into the crook of Billy’s neck. Breath blooming hot, hot. Teeth on his pulse.

“Shhhh, baby, shhh” Billy takes his face between his hands, pushes him carefully backwards. Waits ‘till Steve’s eyes slowly find focus on his, still rocking, still― “Hey. You gotta stop. You hear me?” Steve takes a deep breath, exhales long and shaky. It takes all of him to slow down, Billy knows, but he does. Thighs twitching. Cock weeping. Smearing over Billy’s belly where his t-shit has hitched up.

Billy brushes his hair back from his forehead. Tangled and damp and gorgeous.

Kisses him light and sweet.

“We’re close, baby. We’re really, really close. But you gotta stop so I can open you up real good ok?”

Steve nods, eyes glossy, lips bitten and Billy feels overwhelmed, feels like burning under the hard sun. They’re both hanging by the thinnest of threads, Billy can feel it, can see it in the blown-out dark of Steve’s eyes. They’re riding pleasure at point break, time holding its breath for them. This is his favorite part of the game. A little too much, just a little too much. ‘Till one of them loses it. ‘Till one of them melts on the other’s hands. Hard and thick.

And God, Billy has never been one not to push his luck.

He takes two fingers up to Steve’s lips, runs the tips over the tender skin inside. Thinks about how they don’t look bitten enough, swollen enough. About how he’s gonna have to fix that.

“I’m gonna put these two inside. Will you get them ready for me?” Steve’s Smile twitches up, canines showing. It’s a two-men-con. But they play as much against the other as they play together. So Steve swallows both fingers. All the way in one go. Eyes falling shut. Eats them wet and messy. Deepthroats. Rumbles. Ass clenching, pulsing around Billy’s cock. And Billy is only a short breath of self-control away from spending himself inside him like a fucking rookie.

It’s boring, small-town life, really. Except–

“Good boy,” he says, making his fingers pop out of Steve’s mouth, satisfaction tastier than honey at the mean glare it grants him. But it softens, that glare, Steve’s eyelids flutter, open-mouthed and blissed, when Billy brushes the head of his cock with his knuckles, haft teasing, half relieving, keeping Steve in the tightrope with him.

“I’m getting a bit impatient in here, Hargrove” he says, only managing to make his voice sound half annoyed about it. Bit Billy is too, impatient. So drags his fingers down, pads tracing the taut shape of Steve’s cock, his balls, and down. Presses. Softly. Rubs the stretched-out flesh of his hole. Dips just the tips. Press. Press. And–

“AhfuckBilly–Ah.Mmmmh”

It’s tight. Steve’s ass clenches around him, squeezes him in. It’s a heady feeling, having him like this, senses overrunning. He’s intoxicated. High on the painful scratch of Steve’s nails when he grabs his jaw to kiss him open-mouthed and harsh. The helpless way he chokes off a sob when Billy makes his fingers curl, rubs him good and,

“I’m ready, Billy. I’m ready. BillyBillyplease. I can’t take it anymore. Please, baby. I’m ready” he’s gasping, breathless, barely taking in the heated up air they share.

“Hey. C’mon. C’mon. Just a little more, ok?. A little more and I’ll let you swallow it all in. That knob. All the way down your ass. No space left for anything else" he licks the words all along Steve’s neck, his ear. Rubs his lips over the damp roots of his hair. Cock pushing. Fingers working. When Steve sits on the stick. Billy wants him right over the edge “Gonna cum so hard you’re gonna be begging me to let you ride her again”

~

yup! hope you like them! i really really REALLY want to finish them for you.

Fingers crossed I get to see you again soon my dear nsfw!anon 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

#im sending you THE BIGGEST HUG <3<3<3<3<33< #I MISSSSS YOUUUUUUUUUU #your asks never fail to light up my day #take care #and dont let that bad real life grip you too hard #i'll be around if you need me #and my ask box is always open for you #ns*w!anon💖 #harringrove #long post #till i can make a cut sorry #the wip tag game! #xwips #xaskfic

[davidmann95]

DC's January Solicits? Specifically thoughts on Ennis Peacemaker and Waid/Mora Bat/Supes?

Batman: The Knight #1: I'm betting this is what was originally teased as The Legend of Batman awhile back. I'm tentatively down for it, if it's solely 10 issues of "and thus he learned to channel his rage...towards justice" I figure Zdarsky will do the good version of that, but I'm hoping for a more "tiny Bruce Wayne teaching himself how to dislocate every bone in his body and deciding he'd probably better also fit in learning how to build satellite headquarters and the history of puzzles just in case" approach.

Detective Comics #1050: Dig those Bermejo and Fornes variants, but obvious why I'll actually be getting this (assuming this is a one-off springboard, rather than a feature that'll run for awhile before the new World's Finest book proper begins). While I wish the "here's the classic takes with big names!" title was held off until the new generation characters were better established, I think this is a perfect place for Waid at DC. Either having the keys to his boy + Batman and being paired with a generational talent like Mora will bring the best back out of him in the homestretch of his career, or it won't in which case this is out-of-the-way, Mora can do other stuff at the other time because he's a speed demon, and he'll probably move on fast if this flops anyway. Really positive risk-reward ratio.

Superman & Robin Special #1: Was so bummed until I saw this was a one-off. Genuinely can't tell what'd be funnier, if Tomasi's last word was "I WAS ROBBED" or "He's older now I guess? Sure, it's fine, get over it nerds".

Peacemaker: Disturbing The Peace #1: Finally, a sanctioned space within Big Two comics for Garth Ennis to write about how much he hates Captain America.

Human Target #4: Jesus, Smallwood, spare some talent for somebody else

Justice League #72: Wait, is the Dark backup about to wrap up? Should I stick it out for a couple more issues?

Justice League Incarnate #3: Fuck you.

Suicide Squad #11: Fuck you too, how dare you think you've earned playing with Multiversity toys

Superman: Son of Kal-El #7: The cover that lit Twitter on fire. If this was just a variant cover or poster there'd be no problems but it's sure a statement for this to drop as the real premise right after the end of Authority, if probably not quite what's intended. I don't think it'd be impossible for 'Superman joins a protest' to be a weak story by any means, but if anyone's gonna get there or subvert the obvious I'm not betting on Taylor. Wish Aquaman's sign said something about finny friends.

#DC Comics #Opinion

[the-rad-pineapple]

substance abuse

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Supernatural fanfiction: Set in season 8, Sam and Dean get into a big fight, so Dean turns to alcohol to solve his problems.

Words: first 2k words are here, the rest of the 13k word story can be found on

ao3

fanfiction

wattpad

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I had a crazy depressive episode in January this year, and the only thing that brought me serotonin was Destiel. So the result was me not leaving my room for three days and writing the majority of this story on the notes app on my phone. I have some ideas on how to finish this, but I haven't had inspiration to continue since March. Maybe I'll finish it someday, but I hope you enjoy what's there. Thanks for reading!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean was finally in a good mood. The bar near their motel was surprisingly decent. It had good music, but it also helped that Dean had one too many drinks. So that meant everything was just a little funnier. He was well past the stage of being buzzed and dangerously tipsy. He and Sam had gotten into a little fight earlier, so he was solving it the only way he knew. Alcohol. He took another couple shots against his better judgment. Hey, the more alcohol he was drinking, the better his mood was getting, so why not?

He just finished setting his last shot glass down when someone sat down beside him. It was a guy around Dean's age with dark stubble and bleached blond hair beginning to darken at the roots. He had colorful tattoos swirling up his arms. They were pretty. The man turned to look at Dean, and the way he had to brush his hair from his eyes made Dean feel...something. He smiled playfully at Dean, and Dean felt his heart flutter.

You know what? Fuck it. He was having a good time, and this guy was hot. It had been a while since Dean had been with anyone, let alone another guy... Dean shoved that thought away and winked at the man sitting next to him.

The man raised a playful eyebrow as he took a sip of his drink, his eyes wandered down Dean's body. Dean felt his cheeks heat up, but he had enough alcohol in his system for the shyness to pass quickly in place of confidence.

"I'm Marco," the guy—Marco—introduced.

"I'm Dean."

"What are you doing here, Dean?" The way he drew out Dean's name made Dean shiver.

Dean shrugged casually. "Nothing much." He looked pointedly at Marco. "Looking for something fun to do."

Marco smirked. "Like what?"

Dean slowly looked down Marco's body. He was wearing a printed button-up shirt, with too many buttons undone, so Dean got a decent peek at his chest hair. He wanted to see more. Dean trailed his eyes back up to Marco's. "I'm looking at it."

Marco grinned. "Wanna drive back to my place for a bit?"

Oh fuck, was this really happening? He didn't picture his next time being with a stranger. With a guy, yes, but a guy with blue eyes and a trench coat.

"Yeah," Dean heard himself answer before he realized he had spoken. It was all happening so fast, and he could tell his grip on time wasn't exactly right. Maybe he was a bit drunk. But, did it matter? He was having fun and felt better than he had in a long time.

"I'll pay for your drink and we can go." Marco winked before grabbing the bar tender's attention and paying.

They were soon walking out the door. Dean didn't remember standing up, but they were suddenly halfway across the room. Dean also felt himself starting to stumble and grabbed onto Marco's arm without a second thought. Marco put his hand over Dean's as they stepped outside.

The cold air managed to make everything just a bit more clear. Dean's surroundings sharpened a little. Everything outside his direct line of sight wasn't just a haze now. It was just slightly out of focus instead. They stopped at an old truck. Dean tried to place the make and model, but the information was barely out of reach. It was fuzzy, and retrieving anything other than immediate thoughts felt like sifting through mud. But who cared anyway? He was about to get laid by some hot guy.

"Nice truck," Dean complemented. He did like it even if it was a bit plain.

"Oh, yeah?" Marco replied.

And before Dean really knew what was happening, his back was against the truck, Marco's hands on his hips. Hot breath hit his face before Marco's mouth was on his. Dean closed his eyes and let himself get carried away. The kiss was all tongue and desire. Dean grabbed Marco's hair, and he imagined he was kissing someone else. Someone with dark hair instead of blond.

Dean's head was spinning as someone's tongue was shoved down his throat and hands were underneath his shirt, touching every inch of his torso. He already had too much to drink, and now he was kissing some stranger outside. Or was it a stranger? He had envisioned kissing Cas, but that couldn't be right. Shit, shit, shit. Those last two shots were catching up. But now there was a leg between his thighs rubbing on him in all the right ways that took priority over everything else he was feeling.

"Dean."

It was Cas. And it was close. But it did not come from whoever he was kissing. He felt cold as he and—Dean glanced at who he was making out with, but the name escaped him—some guy broke away from each other. Dean looked in the direction of Cas' voice. The angel stood uncomfortably a few feet away. He glanced between Dean and whoever the other guy was. Dean was suddenly warmer as his embarrassment finally set in. He wished Cas hadn't caught him like this. With someone else when the only person Dean had been thinking about lately was Cas.

"I need your help," Cas said gruffly.

"Right now?" Dean asked, suddenly very aware that this guy's leg was still in between his, and his hands were under Dean's shirt.

"Yes, Dean," Cas answered, the annoyance in his voice was strong. "I wouldn't bother you otherwise."

Dean cleared his throat. Obviously. "Right." He glanced at the guy. "Sorry," he said sheepishly and pushed him away.

They disentangled themselves, and Dean made his way to Cas, trying to avoid eye contact from everyone. It wasn't too hard to stay embarrassed when Dean had to concentrate on walking in a straight line.

"What's up?" Dean asked Cas once he managed to find his footing. He ignored the sound of the truck's door closing, and its ignition. He was still disappointed even if it had been completely spontaneous.

"It's Sam."

Shit. Was Sam hurt somehow while Dean was out getting drunk? That was completely his fault. Dammit. "What's wrong? Is he ok?"

"Yes, he's fine," Cas said. "He just wanted me to tell you he left the motel."

Dean crossed his arms. Was that it? Seriously?

Cas went on, "He said you weren't answering your phone and asked me to see if you were ok. I called him when I found you."

"So, you're Sam's mediator now?"

"We were worried, Dean. You weren't answering Sam's calls." Cas' eyes bore into Dean's. There was a lot more anger in them than there should've been. Did something else happen? Did Dean do something? "I'm glad to see you're fine." Cas turned and took a couple steps away.

"Wait!" It was louder than Dean meant. He just had to get Cas' attention before it was too late, and time was moving fast while he was like this, so he wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed since Cas spoke.

Dean wanted to tell Cas that he and Sam had had a fight. And that was the reason why Dean had been so irresponsible. So stupid. So inconsiderate. But they were all excuses in the end, and trying to make thoughts into words seemed impossible at the moment.

Cas turned back. "Yes, Dean?" Cas tilted his head. Fuck. That was cute. "Cute?"

"Huh?"

"You said, 'that was cute'."

Oh my god, Dean had said that out loud. "Uh, yeah, I don't know." Dean laughed nervously.

He couldn't let Cas know he had...feelings...or whatever for him. That was something he buried deep down, but it was all threatening to come out. Shit. What was happening? Everything was still spinning, and things kept happening that took Dean too long to register.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked. The anger was gone, now replaced with concern.

"I'm fine," Dean quickly answered.

Cas' eyes narrowed in suspicion. That was also cute. Everything Cas did was kinda cute anyway, if Dean was being honest with himself.

"Walk over to me," Cas commanded.

Weird request, but ok. Dean frowned but walked in Cas' direction anyway. But walking was hard. Placing one foot in a steady position shouldn't be this much work. It felt more like tumbling from one step to the next, but Dean eventually made it to Cas. But he had struggled. A lot. Maybe Cas didn't notice.

"I noticed, Dean," Cas said.

Oh. He heard that, too. How much was Dean saying aloud? "I'm a little drunk," Dean admitted. Maybe this would absolve his behavior tonight, and they can go on like it never happened.

"You're more than a little drunk," Cas replied harshly.

"Are you mad?" The question was out of Dean's mouth before it was fully formed in his head.

Cas sighed heavily, but didn't look at Dean. "No, Dean, I'm not mad."

"Yeah! You are!" Oh, Dean totally had this. One of Cas' tells was avoiding eye contact. "You don't look at me when you're upset."

Cas looked at Dean wearily. "Let's go."

Cas started walking away. Quickly. Cas was somehow already by the sidewalk. Dean tried to catch up, but one moment he was following Cas, and the next he was on the ground. He didn't even remember falling. All he knew was he was now laying on the street looking up at the night sky.

"Dean!" Cas rushed to his side. Dean reached his arms up for Cas to help him up. Cas grabbed him.

"Sorry," Dean said and laughed. That probably looked funny.

"Are you hurt?" Cas frowned in worry.

Dean didn't feel anything, but he couldn't really tell. All he could focus on was Cas holding his arms. Cas was strong. "Oh, baby, don't worry. I feel great!" Dean said and grinned in reassurance. Wait... did he call Cas "baby"?

"Let's get back to the motel."

And then they were suddenly there. Dean laughed again and said, "I forgot you can fly."

Cas really was incredible. He was such a beautiful, strong angel. But also so cute at the same time. Dean saw his bed and tried to step towards it, but almost fell again. Cas' arm was around his waist. It felt really nice. Dean put both his arms around Cas. He was warm and smelled like rain. He was like a strong fortress. He was home. Dean wanted to stay like this forever.

"What are you doing?" Cas asked but didn't take his arm off Dean.

"Hugging you."

"You need to sleep."

"No!" Dean didn't want the hug to end, so he held on tighter. "You're warm." It was true. Cas was like the perfect bed. Soft and warm.

"I can hug you while you try to sleep."

Wait, really? "For real?" Dean made the mistake of looking at Cas while he still hugged him. They were close. Super, super close. Dean loved those blue eyes. "You're pretty." He didn't mean to say it. He thought it, then his mouth moved, and then he realized what happened.

Cas just moved him to one of the beds without saying anything. Dean tumbled onto it and stared at the ceiling. It looked like every other motel ceiling. He was sick of motels. Something tugged on his foot. He couldn't be bothered to look what it was. Cas was there after all, so everything was fine.

"Something is pulling me," Dean said.

"I'm taking your shoes off," Cas explained.

It was a simple gesture, but one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for Dean. Or one of the best that Dean could think of right now. Who else would do this? Cas always went out of his way for Dean.

"I love you," Dean said.

Cas finally pulled Dean's shoe off then started tugging on the other one.

"I love you, too." It was soft and so...genuine. Was this actually happening? And did Cas mean it? Or was he saying it to please the drunk?

But it didn't matter. Dean was in a good mood. He'd believe it for now. Everything else was tomorrow's problem—if he could even remember any of this. If any of this was real. His second shoe was taken off, and Dean held his arms up again for Cas. He felt the bed next to him dip before Cas put an arm around Dean. Dean held onto it like a lifeline.

"Goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean."

#supernatural #supernatural fanficiton #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #bi dean #angst #ao3 #fanfiction #wattpad

[josefavomjaaga]

Caroline Murat and her daughter Letizia, who accompanied her mother on the trip to Munich in 1805.

***

@joachimnapoleon, because she's cool like that, has dug up the letters that Caroline Murat sent to her (at the time) BFF Hortense de Beauharnais in Paris. As the letters were published in a French paper, and as I'm very unsure about French copyright, I do not want to translate them in full. But I hope it will be okay to quote one passage from it, as I think this might illustrate quite nicely all the misunderstandings and misconceptions existing between the »startup« Imperial court of the Bonaparte family and the small German "ancient" courts.

Caroline describes a visit to Electress Karoline, in presence of Caroline’s two ladies-in-waiting Madame La Grange and Madame Lambert. She had arrived in Munich on December 20th after a rather desastrous 3-days-journey that included a road accident. She wished to be lodged not in the electoral residence but in her own palace, and as she had not brought many servants (apparently, she and Murat had some financial problems at the time), she was waited upon by servants of the electoral family.

I have already written a little about Electress Karoline's first impressions of Empress Josephine here. So, now for Caroline’s impressions of the electress:

Munich, December 24, 1805 [if this isn’t a mistake in the publication, then apparently she already uses the old calendar that Napoleon will only officially reintroduce on January 1st]

[…] The Court is extremely boring. The Elector is a very good man, in the style of the Elector Archchancellor [Dalberg, who had been in Paris for the Sacre], except that he is not so witty.

I received yesterday from noon till six o'clock the foreign ministers, their wives, Prince Hohenzollern, one hundred and fifty ladies of the town, the whole household of the Elector and all the gentlemen of the town, and at the end the Electress, who saw Letitia, whom she found charming. I have done so many reverences that I am in bed with a dreadful ache.

The day before yesterday I went to the theatre, where it was colder than at the coronation; I was afraid it would hurt me.

When we go to the Elector's, a table is brought in, and Princess Augusta sits down and makes tea for everyone. Don't fancy the Court too high; they are all like good bourgeois. Nothing is funnier than to see the Elector making conversation with the Empress's maitre d`hotel. […]

Madame Beauharnois makes little of an effect. Madame Lambert makes no effect at all; as she only knows how to be silly and as I do not allow her to be silly, she is nothing. Madame La Grange makes an extraordinary effect; the elector always talks about her, because he knew her father and her whole family very well. Monsieur Daligre, though a fool, also makes an impression, because of his name and his fortune; the elector has often dined at his father's house and knows all his family well. If you come to this country, bring people who have a name, because they do not see the others, I will give you an example.

Yesterday, everyone was wondering what Mrs Lambert was, who her father was, who her husband was... So the electress approached her and said that she was very happy to return to her what her parents had done for the elector in Paris and that her name was not unknown to her, because she had heard a lot about the La Grange family; I then saw Mme Lambert blush, very embarrassed; I stepped forward and told her that she had been mistaken and that this woman was called Lambert. Then she wanted to know what she was; the questions embarrassed me, and I answered that she was the wife of one of our principal inspectors of reviews and that she had a very considerable fortune. Then her glances fell more slowly on her, and she told her that she was well pleased to make her acquaintance. While chatting with another lady, I observed Mme Lambert, who was in conversation with the electress, and I was annoyed to see that she always had an air of embarrassment and of a little girl. I am telling you all this nonsense to make you aware of what is liked here.

Except that I don’t think she really understood »what was liked« at the Bavarian court at all. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I think her own expectations really got in the way. What she writes seems to me like an amazing mixture of condescension - "Don't imagine too much, they live like good citizens here, the princess personally makes tea for everyone!", disappointment at not making enough of an impression (why would she even try to achieve that?), and the tacit assumption of not being taken seriously by her hosts. She immediately assumes that the electoral family occupies themselves with some of her companions more than with others because those have »a name«. Whereas Max Joseph - remember, this is the guy who walked around his capital on foot and who, in his palace, strangers liked to mistake for one of his servants - just immediately pounced on anyone whose name reminded him of his youth in Paris.

As for the scene with Madame Lambert, it's actually the Bavarian Karoline who makes a mistake and confuses the two ladies-in-waiting. Which Caroline Murat seems to think is some kind of ruse so she has an excuse to inquire about Madame Lambert's family background? I think Karoline really did address the wrong lady by mistake; she is twenty years younger than her husband, to my knowledge has never been to Paris, and probably only knows the names from Max Josef's nostalgic descriptions. She is presumably at least as embarrassed as poor Madame Lambert. Especially as she apparently continues to talk to the lady she has mistakenly addressed for quite a while, observed by Caroline Murat, despite the fact that Caroline knew nothing more to tell about her lady-in-waiting than that her husband has a pile of money.

So, plenty of misunderstandings. Caroline Murat has come to Munich to see a »real« court - and what she gets is tea served by the elector’s daughter. At the same time, she expected to meet with rejection and secret contempt, and now saw these in incidents that in themselves may have been quite harmless.

The author of the article, Paul Le Brethon, juxtaposes these letters from 1805 with a few lines from another letter written from Munich by Caroline, on her way to pick up Napoleon's new Empress Marie Louise, in March 1810 to her husband Joachim Murat:

My friend, I always feel very comfortable with the King and Queen of Bavaria; they enjoy a calm and perfect happiness in their home; their young family is very interesting [they had five daughters at the time, among them twice twins]; these children remind me of my own, and my eyes are filled with tears every time they look at them.

I think by then, Caroline had understood the difference.

#caroline murat #joachim murat #max joseph #karoline von bayern #auguste von bayern #eugene's marriage #munich 1805 #munich residence #napoleon

[rouiyan]

𝘚𝘏𝘖𝘞 𝘔𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘓𝘖𝘝𝘌 [ 𝘭.𝘫𝘯 ]

⧏ part of the before i met you collective ⧐

synopsis: after an accidental leak, the news of you and jeno’s relationship becomes the talk of the world. to satiate the incredible curiosity of fans and news outlets alike, the two of you take on a variety show, knowing brother. will this bold move prove to everyone that your relationship is more than just a publicity stunt?

✧ lee jeno x (fem.) reader ✧ idolverse au, knowing brother au, established relationship au

✧ genre : fluff ✧ word count : 1.9k ✧ disclaimers : minor swearing, i talk about eyes a lot lol

✧ author’s note — was supposed to be a short drabble but i got carried away and ended up going into so much unnecessary detail. super fun to write; this idea expertly fought my incoming writer’s block.

you let out a suppressed laugh as jeno profusely denies the apologies that come his way from the girl that just recently joined the makeup team. she had used a much thicker brush than needed on his lips and in turn, they’ve grown almost twice the size, the natural mauve color spilling over the edges. he gives you a pointed look but it’s taken with less seriousness than he’d like, his lips clearly making the expression funnier than intended.

“stop, y/n,” he mumbles, though his face is more of a pout as you crane your neck to watch him, the same girl now fussing with makeup remover blocking your view of him. as she leaves to grab a thinner brush, jeno turns to look at his reflection in the mirror and you make your way across the room to stand next to where he is seated. the both of you stare at each other’s reflections in the mirror, smiles filled with soft adoration. “you nervous?” he speaks, eyebrows shifting up ever so slightly. you swear the way the lights of the vanity reflect off his pupils make it look like he holds the stars in his eyes (and you're sure he does). nodding, you express to him the pressures you’ve been facing, “i hope we do well.”

he hums and removes his stare from the mirror to the actual you, looping his arms around your waist loosely. “we will, babe. we’re unstoppable when we’re together, you know?” he feels more than hears the soft chuckle that you let out and he raises his head to look you in the eyes. “i guess you’re right.” 

it’s been a little over a year since jeno asked you out, right outside the convenience store a few blocks down from the nct dream dorm. a chilly two a.m. snack run where jeno had spontaneously been gifted with the confidence to tilt your head up with his index finger and swoop in for a kiss after his heartfelt words were received with tired enthusiasm. he thinks about that night a lot more than he’d ever admit. 

he also thinks about a similar night, only three weeks ago from now, outside the same convenience store, this time at three a.m., when his hands intertwined themselves with yours on instinct and when you looked up at him with that pretty little smile of yours. he can still hear the shuffling of feet behind him, the click and flash of a camera following. he can still feel the way his heart stopped as he drew his and your hats lower, turning over his shoulder to be face to face with a camera peeking through the shadows. he can still remember the way his hand unwinded from yours, instead wrapping around your whole frame, bringing you closer to his chest and further away from view. he could still hear your heartbeat against his, erratic, and he still remembers praying to dear god that they didn’t catch your face. he stills feels the guilt gnawing at his gut when he found out that it was too late. what was supposed to be a simple first anniversary was turned into a day of phone calls, pr meetings, frustrated managers, and even worse, angry sasaengs camping outside both of your dorms.

he knows it’s not exactly his fault, though he did admit that to the higher ups much to your dislikes, but he can’t help but feel responsible for all his desperate fans going after your reputation, your job, group, family and friends, and most importantly, you. in all honesty, he also received plenty of backlash from your fans as well but it aggravated him much more than it should’ve that people would dare talk shit about his girlfriend. 

making headlines, your relationship with jeno was widely labeled as sm’s bid for attention and monetary gain, however untrue that was. most fans were in denial because of countless other situations where a rumored couple would be later revealed as a publicity stunt, especially since you and jeno were of a big company and from popular groups. of the many game plans that were presented to the two of you, he found this one the most effective. to go on a variety show together and show the compatibility and chemistry between the two of you, to verify your relationship as real and deserving of humanly respect.

jeno is brought back to reality as a colored brush is applied to his lips once again. he looks up to gauge what had happened whilst he was spaced out and sees that you are talking animatedly to the manager that had accompanied you here today, a bright look on your face as your fingers fiddle with a water bottle lid. after getting his makeup done, properly this time, he stands and stalks over beside you, half listening to the conversation about mic settings. with a pout, you hand the water bottle to jeno and he immediately unscrews it, neither of you looking at each other, the act seemingly a casual exchange. 

jeno corners you before going on set, hands on your shoulders, to tell you that, “we’re going to do great, princess.” the nickname rolls off his tongue with ease and leaves a pink dust across your cheeks, blooming under the blush that’s applied on top. he gives your shoulders a reassuring squeeze and slips in a few more encouraging compliments (“so pretty,” tucks strand of hair behind your ear, “i got quite lucky didn’t i?”) before the two of you are called on set to start filming.

the cameras start rolling and as the hosts go about their usual introduction banter, you slip a finger into the indent in the door and on cue, slide it open, revealing your smiling face, jeno’s secure hand on your back, reminding you that he is there with every step into unfamiliar territory. the hosts turn and gape at the pair, having not met backstage to save the guests as a surprise. hodong, is the first to talk coherently among all the commotion, “wah, the power couple of the century is here today!” chuckling at his comment, you and jeno take your places behind the podium at the front, wary of their stares on you. for a second, you feel as if you are in an actual classroom, introducing yourself on the first day of your transfer with an uneasy feeling settling in your stomach. 

“hi, it’s nice to meet you, i’m y/l/n y/n, from sm high! please take care of me!” your nose scrunches at how cringy the school name sounded in comparison to when you and jeno were making it up back in the dressing room. jeno follows with his introduction after you politely bow, “hi, i’m lee jeno, also from sm high! please take good care of us!” a chorus of applause echoes around the three-walled setup and you feel jeno’s hand move from the small of your back to rest upon your shoulders; unconsciously you lean into his frame, his warmth inviting you in ways you don’t even process.

“so the rumors are true, huh?” you look over at soogeun, one of the hosts that you had chosen to sit next to. he’s kind from what you can tell, and almost exactly like the person you see on tv. the other hosts are busy chatting with jeno and you look over at them before settling on the man speaking to you. “yeah,” your voice is soft, “they’re true.” a smile adorns your face as you say this and the little moment that’s caught on camera is enough to melt the audience, (or so the editors think as they go through the tape after filming). 

the hosts inform you that instead of the ‘ask about me’ segment they’re going to, instead, ask the two of you questions, more or less about your relationship. you figure that this has a lot to do with the whole reason you're here and you feel comfortable knowing that you get a chance to explain, to clear the air of assumed rumors. 

the first to ask is janghoon, a simple question to start the segment off, “how did you guys first meet?” jeno and you take turns answering the questions, jeno taking the lead on this one. “it was… january of 2015, i think. like, one year before i debuted and y/n was new to the company. i remember that she was chosen to be in a debut group almost instantly after she joined and some of the other boys in my group were talking about how talented she was.” he takes a second to look over at you, seeing the way your eyes light up when they meet his, “i first talked to her at a showcase, i think. she was already pretty close with mark and haechan, from my group, because they trained together for a bit. even then, i remember her being probably one of the prettiest girls i had ever met. and it wasn’t just the looks though, she- y/n’s always been a kind girl and i guess that i always thought she was too good for me… i still do, for the most part.” 

your eyes are slightly wide when he finishes and he gives you a questioning look. “wow, i don’t remember talking to you until that one halloween party…” the room falls to silence before everyone laughs at jeno’s bewildered expression, clearly baffled at how you didn’t even remember when the two of you first met.

the show moves on good-naturedly before heechul pops the big question, “do you guys love each other?” he says it rather sarcastically, in case you are uncomfortable in answering, but you take it upon yourself to make this situation into a bit of a turning point in all the fun. “of course, jeno’s a big part of my life. whenever i’m not onstage or working, he’s always the one i’m with. this job, it really isn’t the easiest. besides getting to do what we love we also have to be watched constantly, but it’s okay for me at least, having someone like him by my side makes it all okay.” you can almost imagine the cameras showing jeno’s face at this moment, the little hearts edited into the frame of the captured scene, his expression a mix of shy smiles and lovesick eyes. it’s easy to say when you mean it and you know that it’s also easy for jeno when he simply wraps you up in his arms, with content coating his embrace and without care as to the cameras shooting in all directions.

it’s safe to say that the episode went viral, only a few hours after its airing. most fans gushed over your relationship with jeno, sharing screenshots of you in his arms. jeno loves how some fans are even shaming those who look down upon your relationship and he's even happier that he’s allowed to take you out on dates, to add you as a plus one to special events, and to finally be able to call you his, loud and proud.

(bonus: jaemin is beyond excited to watch the episode right when it comes out, popcorn and lights dimmed in preparation. he even dragged a poor renjun to watch it with him, claiming he needed a shoulder to cry on if you guys were being too sweet. he didn’t actually cry, but renjun practically vomited as he watched jeno hoist you up upon his shoulders to reach the basketball hoop during the game segment. he hurled towards the trash can.)

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

#nct #nct fics #nct jeno #nct jeno fics #rouiyan fics #rouiyan writes

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Oh Disneyland Paris sounds fun yeah! Were you and your roommate already close then? I went to Walt Disney's world with my aunt and cousin when I was like 11 but it would've been way more fun if I could've taken my best friend with me for sure. Maybe we can go to the one in Paris now that she lives just 3h away from me! Oh I see, sounds like LA was really fun for you yeah! your roommate didn't mind third wheeling tho? Hahaha

Yeah Canada is beautiful but what I liked about it the most was the massive improvement in quality of life I had compared to where I was living before and just being able to be who I am and people accepting me for it. Not being worried about violence 24/7 felt pretty fucking great too. So yeah I highly recommend living there if you ever get a chance. But I am loving Portugal so far, people are a bit more judgemental here tho but I like that it's easier to travel to a lot of countries I've always wanted to go to. Everywhere you go there are pros and cons tho so sorting out priorities is key. But Toronto is my favourite of all the places I've been, before living there for a year I had already been two times!

Jesus 50 states, sometimes I forget how big the US is. And you can totally do it if you plan it out! After watching Bly Manor tho I really want to go to Vermont especially during autumn season looks really pretty! There's this fic I love (only the sun by prestonarchives) where Dani and Jamie go on a road trip from Vermont to Maine and I did their entire journey on Google maps street view bc I was so obsessed with this one chapter fanfic I had to immerse myself entirety in it hahaha. So now I want to go there irl. Here's the link if you haven't read it before!

https://bit.ly/3BLy4WR

Omg I totally remember reading that on CBML and being a bit confused bc I was like why would she think you can't see the moon from the great wall of China HAHAHA but I thought it was really funny and endearing yeah it's even funnier now that I know you said it irl haha.

Oh so ENFP-T means extraverted, intuitive, feeling and prospecting personality with a bit of turbulence. Which just means you're curious, perceptive, enthusiastic, an excellent communicator, festive and good-natured. On the other hand you can be disorganized, unfucosed, a people pleaser, overcommitted, too optimistic and restless.

I wonder what Jamies and Danis mbti are as well as their zodiac signs 🤔 I think Jamie might be an ISTP-A bc she's definitely an introvert, very practical, stubborn, assertive, layed back and energetic at the same time. And Dani is either an ENFP-T like you or an ESFJ-T with the whole selfless thing going on.

AE already made it canon that Jamie's an aries (and it makes sense) but I can't figure Dani out. I've thought about her being a leo ♌ bc she's generous, passionate, warm-harted and dominant in her own way and THE HAIR haha. But she's got some pisces ♓ vibes going on too...idk. aaand I'm back at it again with the astrology signs haha.

To be fair your recent drunken exp it was dark and at least you didn't think the road sign was a bear or something (don't know what kind of wild animals you've got over there) that you wrestled with and ended up in a ditch and your best friend let you believe that happened for 3 years up until recently haha. 😂 but yeah some things happen for a reason, having life threatening health issues doesn't sound great tho, but I guess it's a good thing it stops you from drinking too much and making dumb decisions. And hey maybe I secretly want that to happen again idk maybe moving countries is not exciting enough, I have to go out and make a complete drunken fool out of myself in a completely foreign place hahaha. I guess that did kinda happen last month when my best friend came to visit me from Spain and we got drunk on wine, I got lost on the way back home and it was way past curfew. 🤔 shit I'm 29 will I ever learn...

Episode 9 is 😢😍🥰😰😭🤬☠️ just the worst roller-coaster I didn't even know I was on. Haha I was more pissed off than heartbroken the first time I watched it ngl.

Well then maybe the way you do accents is friendly and funny so people can't really get mad at you haha. Like Dani! Oh so that's called a Geordie accent! I see, it's really really cool. AE said Jamie is from Lancashire but that's a whole county isn't it? Idk if there's a specific accent to this region. Knowing you speak kinda like Jamie is something else tho, I think if anyone who spoke like her ever talked to me irl I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what they were saying 😂 just the accent haha.

Oh so you already have 4k something words for it nice. I'm kinda starting to feel an obsession with this medieval AU growing in me, I made a Pinterest board just for it ngl hahaha but I'm still resisting creating anything for it, I did a face study yesterday for Dani and Jamie to see if I finally pick up the idea and just do it but my brain was still like "I don't want to do this rn" and was just being a little bitch about it so I'll just let it cook for longer see if we can reach an agreement eventually (if ever) haha.

Glad to hear you had a good weekend! Even if it left you feeling exhausted in the end. And yeah it makes sense for you to say you don't have favourites haha! Have a great week Colour, take care! 👋✨

Yeah me and my roommate have been friends since we were like 14 so when we went to Disney Land we asked if we could be roomed together because we've been best friends for that long now... been best friends since school and now we live together. She's seen me at my best, my worst, has seen me in all my stages in life and has been there for a lot of the rough stuff I've been through and I've been there for all the stuff she's been through!! Nah she didn't mind at all we had some moments where me and my ex would just go and be a couple and have dates but my ex didn't want me travelling that far alone so invited my roommate too because she didn't like the thought of me flying 11hours alone or being in airports alone so my roommate came with me and we had a great time Awwh good I'm glad it was such a nice place and that you didn't worry about violence all the time but I'm so sorry you ever had to worry about that anyway that can't be easy. I would honestly love to live in Canada I really hope I get chance one day... I'm glad you're loving Portugal but sorry people are judgemental there but I am glad it's easy for you to travel around to other places... oh yeah every place has it's pros and cons I mean England has some pros but it sure has a lot of cons too so I know all about that Yeah America is SO big but I do want to get around all 50 states at some point and I am stubborn enough and determined enough to make it happen eventually even if I don't get around them all until I'm like 70 I'll make it happen haha!! No I haven't read that fic but it sounds amazing so I'll definitely check it out thank you for sending me the link Yeah... that really happened to me and it was just a dumb moment where I had this momentary lapse of knowledge in my brain and now I look back at that question and I'm just like... "you idiot" and this is why people are shocked when I get questions in quizzes right because I have said some really dumb stuff but I'm glad people found it funny and endearing... and I'm glad it makes it better to know I really said that haha Oooo I didn't know that, I like that and I think it's definitely fitting for me!! I think from what you've said about what ENFP-T means Dani could easily be that too and I don't know anything about the other one but I will take your word for it matching Dani because you know way more about this stuff than I do. I have no idea for Jamie though. And with zodiac signs I love that Amelia looked at Jamie and thought she was an Aries, as for Dani I have NO idea what her zodiac would be... in CBML she's a Leo but in MoU with what I have planned for her birthday she'd be a virgo but I don't know anything about zodiacs... all I know is all the pieces I've ever met have been the opposite of what Dani is so maybe that has something to do with their whole charts but I know a lot of other people always make her a Pieces and I trust what other people say about zodiacs more than what I know about them because I really know NOTHING about them haha Nah I knew it was a road sign because of how heavy and hard it was- nah we have no bears where I live... I don't think we have many dangerous animals where I live... got a couple of badgers that can be pretty aggressive but that's about it we don't have much that is scary here or at least not in the little part of England I live. Having life threatening health issues has been hard and since having my spleen removed in January (that was the surgery I needed to try and fix the issue I had) things are even harder now because I have to take antibiotics for the rest of my life to stop me getting any infections because if I ever get a chest infection now or a really bad cold it can be really dangerous but I take it all in my stride and not drinking is just a way to make sure the antibiotics actually work properly and to make sure nothing happens to me... and like you said, means I don't do anything dumb too... haha drunken stories are the best I have been lost a few times when I've been drunk... and I don't think you do learn, I have siblings that are

like 40 and still do dumb shit... I know at 27 I am still doing dumb shit too I don't think I'll ever learn haha 😂 Its such an emotional roller coaster and honestly I was just devastated the first time I watched it... no TV show or movie has ever made me cry the way Bly Manor did when I first saw it and it still makes me cry now. I can cry just thinking about that last episode. I definitely mean it in a friendly way so I hope it comes across like that. Yeah the accent in Billy Elliot is a Geordie accent and its my favourite accent there are other accents around the north that are called different things. Yeah Lancashire is a county and again in Lancashire there are loads of different accents I can't really pinpoint Jamie's down to a city I just know it's Northern. I'm from Yorkshire but don't have a strong Yorkshire accent I just have a Northern accent, like people never believe I'm from the place I'm from because I don't sound like I am but you can definitely tell I'm northern... honestly there are so many accents in England... you can drive for two hours in any direction in England and the accent will change like two times at least it's insane... see a lot of people say that but I am not a HUGE fan of the northern accent and I think it's because I grew up there. I much prefer Dani's accent to Jamie's but like I said to me, Jamie just talks normal there is no accent really haha Yeah 4k words for it but it's all jumbled up it's not like a chronological story yet it's just all over the place haha but I hope I can get it all structured properly soon!! Awwh good I'm glad you're already interested in this medieval AU!! That makes sense you're resisting creating for it but I think it's so cool you did a face study for Dani and Jamie even if you didn't wanna finish it I think letting things cook for a while is always a good idea if you're not in the right headspace right away I had such a good weekend but I am so tired and today I had a busy day too celebrating my roommate's boyfriend's birthday so I've had so many days that have been so busy and right now I am just really to sleep haha!! Yeah definitely don't have favourites but I have spent more time with one of my nieces than the others simply because I always look after her if her mum and dad are working and I'm not... like until I start this new job I am looking after her for an hour every day after school while she waits for her mum and dad to finish work but I don't have favourites haha!! Thank you so much I hope you had a great weekend and that you have a great week too!!

#lib3rtin33

[lnarizakis]

the punchline | h. shoyo

masterlist | cards against humanity x haikyuu!!

pairing: hinata shoyo x gen!reader

foreword: i’m on that writing grind, y’all. i hope you guys like this!! i really like writing this <3 btw: i based this on the assumption that the characters (except for the reader) have never heard the joke mentioned in the fic before.

look out for: no warnings!

“why did the chicken cross the road?” + “a fool.”

“Ah, you’re finally done, Shoyo.”

The orange-haired boy made his way towards the group of three, consisting of his middle school friends Izumi Yukitaka, Sekimukai Koji, and (L/N) (Y/N). The four of them were gathered around by the park near their school, where Hinata had just finished practicing volleyball. It was tragic that he could not form a whole volleyball team, as he was the only member of the actual club, so he resorted to practicing on his own. It was a quiet Friday — they had just finished classes for the week, the sun was setting, and the only noise that was made in the vicinity was the sound of Hinata’s feet shuffling their way towards the group. They had situated themselves by the swing set, with (Y/N) and Izumi sitting on the swings, and Koji leaning against the metal pole that held up the swings. Hinata crouched down to pick up his soda, which stood more than half full, on the ground. He took a long swig, then sighed out loud. His friends laughed at his tiredness.

“Hey,” Hinata drawled, “I’m not some joke you guys laugh at!” They continued on with their laughs. In time, Hinata smirked, finding their laughter contagious. He soon joined in. It was a nice day.

“Y’know, I’ve got a joke. Got it straight from America,” (Y/N), who had recently moved to Japan from America, proudly claimed. The three other boys looked at them with curiosity in their eyes.

“Well, now you gotta tell us, (Y/N)-chan,” Shoyo teased.

“Alright, alright. It’s a stupid joke, though,” (Y/N) lamented, “Okay, here it goes: ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’” The group went silent. They thought long and hard about what the punchline could be, but to no avail. Why did the chicken cross the road? After a couple minutes, which, to (Y/N) and the rest, seemed like an excruciating seven hours, Hinata’s face lit up with a sure fire answer in his eyes.

“A fool! Because the chicken is a fool!”

The group, once again, went silent. That was… far from what the punchline was. Judging eyes bore into Hinata’s skin, from which he got shivers.

“Shoyo… that’s not… right…” Izumi and Koji muttered. Hinata turned to them.

“Huh?! That’s not right?” He repeated, practically shouting directly in their faces. Hinata shifted his gaze towards (Y/N), who had the punchline waiting in their mind. They shook their head, keeping their face down low towards the ground so the others couldn’t see the creeping smile on their face, a direct result of Hinata’s unintentionally humorous answer.

The ringing of a cell phone broke the silence, and (Y/N) pulled their cell phone out of their backpack. They flipped open the phone, and muttered a few “okay”s and after an “okay, bye, love you,” (Y/N) had to tell their friends goodbye. Dinner was ready. They hopped out of the swing seat, grabbed their backpack, and made their way back home.

Right when (Y/N) was out of sight, Hinata exclaimed, “Oh no, I forgot to ask them what the punchline to the joke was!” Izumi and Koji resumed their laughter. The latter playfully punched Hinata on the arm as he told Hinata just to forget about it.

And so he did.

—

A few years later, Hinata and (Y/N) stared outside the window of the third years’ hallway. The day had just ended, and Hinata was stalling some time before he had to go to practice. Outside, they watched the basketball club begin their jog, and a multitude of students walking out of the school gates, leaving for home. As they remained people-watching, they observed a tiny Kageyama Tobio making his way towards the club room. Hinata gasped out loud, clearly surprised to see someone he recognized as he people-watched. (Y/N) replicated his actions, and they both laughed at the small exchange.

“Kageyama-kun would hate us if he knew we were laughing at him while staring at him through a window,” (Y/N) said, adding in a few giggles between words. Hinata promptly agreed, snickering as well. As their laughter died down, they both sighed in relief, content to get a good laugh out of their system. They resumed looking out the window. This little moment of theirs continued on for several minutes, until (Y/N) broke the silence.

“You know, I’m moving back to America to study at a four-year university,” they solemnly mentioned. Hinata exhaled through his nose, telling them, “I know.”

“Well, I’ve got a little something as a reminder of me,” (Y/N) stated. In hopes to cheer Hinata up, they recited their little something: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Hey, Hinata’s heard this one before.

“You told me this before. Back when we were in middle school.” Hinata smiled a toothy grin. He then pursed his lips as he thought, once again, long and hard about his answer to the question. He hummed as he thought. Before he could give any answer, however, a timid voice made itself known from behind the two of them.

“Um, Hinata-senpai. Coach Ukai wants you to go to the club room now.” It was the first-year manager-in-training. Like Yachi in her first year, she was a shy girl still nervous about her surroundings — especially her very tall surroundings as she helped out with the volleyball club.

“Oh!” Hinata exclaimed, “I totally forgot! I’ll see ya later, (Y/N)!”

“Yep. See you later, Shoyo.” They turned their head towards the window once again. After what had only been a minute, they watched Hinata run across the area which they could see outside the window and towards the club room. Ever the speedy boy he was.

As Hinata ran, with the manager following some distance behind him, he only just remembered, once again, that he forgot to answer why the chicken crossed the road. He groaned out loud.

—

“... And (Y/N)— don’t think we haven’t noticed that American accent of yours!”

It’s been seven years since they graduated. It was a cold January night when Hinata, Izumi, Koji, and (Y/N) met up once again. They found themselves huddled together in a corner booth of a barbecue restaurant, with the sound of meat sizzling on the grill before them and the scent of it rising up in the air in front of them. They were celebrating a small reunion of friends together, with (Y/N) fresh from America. Laughter rang in the air once again. True, speaking in English for seven years had taken its effect on (Y/N)’s accent as they spoke to them with an American accent laced in their Japanese.

“Oh! Hey, guys, I’ve got a joke for you all!” Hinata exclaimed. He had the same kind of excitement in his eyes found in the brightness of his eyes in his middle school days.

“Alright, shoot! I’m sure I can come up with something funnier,” Izumi jokes.

“Okay, okay. It goes like this: ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’”

Everyone goes quiet. There’s a vague memory in the back of their heads that’s revived itself, reminding them what happened the last time (Y/N) asked that question. Hinata said the punchline so, so wrong. They were expecting him to say the wrong punchline once more, until he blurted out something totally different.

“To get to the other side!”

(Y/N) sputtered out their food that they were currently chewing. He said the joke correctly?! Even though the past times they’d ask that joke he said it completely wrong! He did it! They began laughing, and everyone else joined in. No, they weren’t laughing because of Hinata’s joke. Rather, they were laughing because Hinata finally got the joke. After all these years, he finally got the punchline.

Later, after the check was paid, Izumi and Koji bid Hinata and (Y/N) goodbye as they made their ways back home. And so that left Hinata and (Y/N) alone together, standing outside the restaurant in the cold. It was a dark night, with only the light of the restaurant inside along with the single street lamp lighting up their surroundings. It was practically scenery begging to be used as a confession scene. (Y/N) broke the silence.

“So, you finally got the punchline.” Hinata let the smile stay on his face. Warmth rushed in his cheeks, and he’d like to say that it was 60% because of the fact they were outside in the cold, and 40% because of (Y/N).

“Yeah. I couldn’t stop thinking about it ever since you left me to wonder back in middle school.”

(Y/N) realized it at that moment. They never really told Hinata the punchline themself. “Oh, you’re right. My bad.” They chuckled. Hinata exhaled through his nose, letting out a slight chuckle as well. Hinata straightened his back, and pushed his hands into the pockets of his puffy jacket to keep himself warm.

“Well, it was nice seeing you, (Y/N). I hope to see you around some time.” He held out his hand, giving them a peace sign, as he made his way towards his bike on the bike rack.

“Wait.”

Hinata stopped in his tracks.

“When can we see each other again?” (Y/N) asked him. Oh, how he thought they would never ask.

“Hmm, let’s see… there’s yesterday… and in a couple hours… there’s tomorrow… and in a few seconds… there’s today… and in thirty minutes…” he droned. (Y/N) crossed their arms.

“Shoyo… is there a punchline to this?”

He laughed. “Of course not! I’m just getting back at you for making me wait forever to know what the punchline was… and to see you again.”

“So when can we see each other again?”

“... How about tomorrow, at noon? Let’s meet by the park near Yukigaoka.”

#haikyuuwritersnet #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #hinata shoyo #hinata shouyou #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata shouyou x reader #cadekagi