#her very much but it wasn't even about that) and then in march or maybe april i started feeling empty more than sad and that was just crazy

[maddy-ferguson]

it's actually fascinating that i'm not depressed rn because my life isn't that much better than it was when i actually was depressed (2019). i mean i guess it is a little better because my grandma didn't just die and i'm not in love with someone who doesn't like me back and i also kind of know where i'm going with school and presumably life and i don't call the place i live in my cell because of how small it is but the foundations are still very shaky

#this reads like a joke because it is but it's also true #i remember in october of 2018 like a month after my grandma had died i was at my grandparents' house for the first time since she had died #or for the first time since her funeral ig because i spent a few days there while she was in the hospital and after her funeral etc. and i #was thinking about my life and about how very boring it was. and i had basically always thought that but from that moment on it was like an #actual situation and then i started being sad all the time in like january (not even right after my grandma died because of course i loved #her very much but it wasn't even about that) and then in march or maybe april i started feeling empty more than sad and that was just crazy #and then in july i started wanting to kill myself and i finally understood what people on the internet were talking about and anyway. bad #year. but it's like. okay i had all that going on but i remember being like how did i deal with my life being this lame before #because it was never good. i was stupid to enjoy it and to not feel like killing myself every second of every day. and when i stopped being #depressed (incidentally when i stopped being invested in my friendship with the girl i was in love with like literally my grandpa died in #december of 2019 and it was terrible and i was very sad but it still didn't stop me from getting better😭 so crazy our relationship was just #THAT bad for me) i remember being SO grateful that my life was back to being boring i was like i would rather be at a 5-6 all the time than #go from 11 to -5 in five minutes and so i really liked feeling bored but not empty and it's crazy because i still feel like that when it's #been almost four years like i was expecting that feeling to fade a little. but i'm also like well maybe i should do things to make my life #better because the only reason i'm not depressed rn is just because i don't have one more bad thing going on like i'm just lucky😭 #lmao. but also. i don't really want to i just wish i had one more friend #and like i say: brf slt #tw suicide #<- for me #my friend i was in love with was a very nice girl she never really did anything to me if we had been friends at any other time in my life w #would probably still be friends. or i guess not because i WAS in love with her but like i had issues with our friendship that i never would #have had if it had been any other year in my life i was crying up to 10 times a day at one point in late august because she hadn't #talked to me in like 25 hours like i was not normal😭😭😭 #i was very close to my grandparents i saw them like at least one week every month even though they lived 400kms away and spent all my #holidays with them it was my mother and them that raised me and my sister them dying altered the fabric of my life. for context

[mj0702]

The other Bronze – Part 15

The rest of camp went by like a blur. Sarina continued to include you more and more in the daily tasks of training and organisation of the national team and slowly you found joy in your new role (the added bonus of being allowed to yell at Lucy to run faster or to yell at Leah to bring her knees up higher just played right into it). The dutch Head coach saw with growing pride how you transitioned into your position as her new addition of staff. Getting you to sign the contract was one of a task. You didn't give in easy having the legal department rewrite your contract multiple times adding clauses to protect your relationships – if it was the family relationship with Lucy (and let's be honest Keira) or your romantically relationship with Georgia. You also pushed the limit of salary until the very last penny – not that you were able to access the money since it will go straight in an account which was under observation by your guardian Jill Scott. You yourself had a deal with Jill that if you needed some extra pocket money she would take it out of your account but only if you could give a good reason.

Just like now when you were about to book a whole as bag pipers band to pipe “Scotland the Brave” at exactly midnight outside Sarinas room to welcome her new age – aka her birthday. You knew that your adoptive Mom hated bag pipes with passion since it was too squeaky and too loud in her opinion but since you were technically Scottish you couldn't care less. Also you didn't give a flying fudge (Keira banned any swearword since Less, Toons and you went a little overboard one evening at dinner watching a mens game on the tablet) that you would wake up probably the whole hotel – you loved your Mama Rina too much to care. Of course Jill was straight on board with your shenanigans being a big kid herself. So you spent around two hours looking for the perfect pipers and comparing different prices. You settled on three pipers, an additional drummer and three songs. “Scotland the Brave”, “Auld lang syne” and “When the Saints go Marching in” - all very squeaky and loud. You were sure Mama Rina would love you for your great Birthday present – she'll probably strangle you to death but it was worth it.

You were so happy with your purchase that you entered the dining room whistleing and smiling.

“What got you all smiley Bubs?” your sister asked you smiling too seeing you in a good mood

“Just a good day” you answered smiling even wider

“Why do I feel trouble?” Keira now asked appearing next to you

“Maybe that extra Banana at breakfast?” you looked at her innocently

“No.. no it has nothing to do with the banana” the blonde mused giving you a once over

“You're just being paranoid” you waved her off skipping over to your girlfriend and best friends

“I just know you too well” Keira yelled after you and you (again) waved her off with a “yeah yeah”

“She's up to something” the blonde said turning around to Lucy who was about to stuff a bread roll in her mouth stopping mid air

“Let her be Kei... she's slowly getting back to normal after her episode in Barcelona... you and I both know she's still pretending a lot and me freaking out with G didn't help” Lucy said as she watched you shoving Tooney around laughing loudly when the brown haired girl ran into Leah.

“Oh it certainly didn't... and we WILL have a talk about it when we're back in Spain” the blonde answered sending your sister an angry glare “What were you thinking?”

“I wasn't... I just saw her crying and my brain short circuit...” your sister said slowly

“On one side I understand Luce... I do... because seeing her cry is the worst thing in the world – but you can't do that... you can't lose control like this” Keira said softly

“I know” Lucy huffed finally taking a bite of her bread roll

“I DARE YOU LESS!!” Keira and Lucys eyes snapped immediately over to you when you laughed loudly

“No... NO... you can dare all you want but NO” Lessi answered shaking her head frantically her eyes wide

“You know what that means right??” you smirked evilly at her

“I'm NOT declaring you as me football-wife on Social Media” the blonde huffed

“Then suck it up and eat them” you pointed at the offending vegetables on the plate in the middle of the table

“No” Less whined desperately “Keira please... help” she turned to her teammate begging

“Eat your veggies Less....” Keira rolled her eyes seeing that you three just causing chaos again

“But” the light blonde whined

“Less... I want to eat my lunch in peace” now Leah interrupted her glaring “.... if you won't let me eat in peace I'll shove them Brussels sprouts down your throat by myself”

“Wow.... okay” Lessi looks at her capitan shocked and taken aback “No need to get violent – not me fault you miss your girlfriend”

“Don't” Leah warned her teammate pointing at her threatening

“Let's go over there... she can simmer in her bad mood alone” you said grumbling pulling Lessi along “Bet Millie and Rach are very happy to see us”

“Okay Lee... what's up?” Georgia asked watching you plopp down next to Rachel and on top of Millie

“I do miss my girl... but I'm nervous G... we're playing Spain in three Days and I'm nervous” the blonde spilled her thoughts to her best friend

“It's just a friendly Lee... no need to stress about it okay...” your girlfriend said softly “... we use some of the new plays we trained and you'll Skipper the shit out of that game”

“Thanks G... really” Leah said sighing a little more relaxed “Now please go and get your girl under control” she pointed over to you where you were concentrating on snipping peas at Sarina and some staff members under the low cheering of Millie and Rachel

“Oh shit” Georgia said quickly as she followed Leahs gaze scrambling off towards you

“Okay everyone listen up!!” Sarina said loudly when all the Lionesses were seated “As you know we arranged a friendly against Spain in a couple of days – we'll go over the Line-up later today but I want to inform you beforehand that there will be some significant changes due to our new tactics. I plan on giving everyone some minutes – if not this game than the next one which is four days later. Also I want to announce y/n Bronze as new addition to our Team. She'll be part of our analytics staff and she already showed her value since she pointed out some good moves for us to get past Spains defence”

“And Ona” you threw in chewing on your Steak you got for lunch

“And Ona Batlle yes” Sarina rolled her eyes but everyone saw it was just for show “Don't interrupt me and don't speak with your mouth full... I know you got raised better than this”

“Yes ma'am” you said your voice muffled by the potato you decided to push into your mouth before answering smiling at your adoptive Mom widely

“Walsh.... get your kid under control” the Dutch said and everyone laughed at Keiras offended face

“Excuse me.... the last time I checked she listened to the name Bronze” Keira exclaimed picking up the banter with her head coach

“While that is true I can't really say “Lucy get your kid under control”...” Sarina answered pointing at Lucy who was about to shovel some pasta into her mouth – just like you did with your potato

“It wouldn't be much use” the dutch said flatly and everyone started to laugh as both Bronzes looked up sporting the same caught look with both of your forks mid air

“I get your point” Keira huffed her face deadpan “You two really can't help yourselves can't you”

“What?” both you and Lucy asked confused

“Nothing... you keep on shovelling” Keira said rolling her eyes once more

You and Lucy looked at each other before shrugging your shoulders and continuing eating

“As I said... we have some new tactics which might look strange on paper and will be confusing at first but I like how y/n gets a read on things and thinks outside of the box” the dutch said seriously “You all noticed how I included her more this Camp because I think she's now at a point very we can profit from her exceptional eye and solutions – yes the upcoming games are just friendlies but that won't stop us from playing our best”

“Sorry to interrupt again but.... the food gets cold” you said raising your hand while already talking

“If you wouldn't interrupt me all the time I would be done already” Sarina threw you a warning glance

“Sorry” you mumbled “But... can you maybe... talk faster Mama Rina”

“If you have questions my door is always open” the dutch said her patience running low “You can also ask the new member of staff but I doubt you get a satisfying answer out of her”

Everyone laughed again as you hummed agreeing pushing your vegetables on your girlfriends appetizer plate much to Keiras dismay

“What is THAT??” your girlfriend looked up from her plate pulling a face while you bit your lip to stop yourself from laughing

“Shouldn't you know babe? You ARE half-Jamaican after all” you smirked as the table bursted out laughing

“So funny” Georgia said flatly “How did you pull that off?”

“Just asked the Chef very nicely to make something from home since you miss the Reggae feeling so much” you smirked very happy with yourself

“I will get you back for that” your girlfriend growled “but back to me initial question... WHAT is THAT??”

“How should I know... that's your traditional food” you shrugged your shoulders grinning

“I regret the day you found that video” Georgia grumbled as she stabbed her fork into the brownish-yellowish dish

“You love me too much to actually be mad” you smirked watching how your girlfriend struggles to actually bring the fork to her mouth “And be grateful – they made me feed Toons dog food”

“Dog food??” Georgia asked shocked

“It was chicken paste” Toons rolled her eyes

“I'm 100% positive it was dog food” you countered “they just told you it was chicken so you wouldn't throw up and sue them.... now come on babe... taste it and tell me if it tastes like home” you grinned

“I really REALLY want to kick you right now” your girlfriend grumbles but finally got over herself quickly stuffing the food loaded fork into her mouth

“It's.... actually not bad... It's really good actually” G shrugged her shoulders “It's a curry... I like curries”

“See.... I did something nice for you there....” you grinned

“But what curry.. definitely not chicken” your girlfriend mumbled as she poked the meat on the plate

“Wait... Jesse...” you yelled over to the buffet where some chefs were standing handing out food

“Yes?” one of the shorter ones looked over to you

“What meat is that??” you shouted back lifting your girlfriends plate up

“Goat” came the answer immediately and you could see how Georgias eyes grow wide in shock and you swear you saw her heave for a second there

“Thanks” you said and he lifted his hand in reply

“Was... was he serious?” your girlfriend asked as the colour slowly left her face

“Naah... it's beef” you said having mercy on her

“You are so SO cruel” Georgia mumbled as she picked up another fork shovelling it into her mouth

“It's not beef is it?” Millie leaning over to you whispering in your ear

You just shook your head smirking and chuckle under your breath while Millie laughed.

“What's so funny?” your girlfriend asked suspicious

“Millie asked if I think Carmona finally declares her love for Lucy by asking her out on a date” you lied quickly while Millie looked at you confused but nodded when you kicked her ankle under the table

“Yep,... I mean... it's obvious” the blonde kept nodding

“Oh Ew... guys I'm eating” your girlfriend said her voice laced with disgust

“Yeah well... I would have to live with her...” you shuddered “... Lucy!!!” you turned around in your seat facing your sister

“What??!” your sister looked up alarmed

“You are NOT allowed to reciprocate Carmonas feelings!!!!” you looked at her seriously

“What?!” Lucy looked confused

“I want to keep Ona” you whined

“What the hell are you talking about??” your sister was so lost

You just shook your head in disbelieve turning back around. Your sister looked at you like you completely lost your plot turning to Keira

“What is she talking about?” Lucy asked

“Don't ask me... you speak Bronze better than me...” the blonde shrugged continuing to eat her salad

“What does she want now with Carmona?” your sister looked at Keira lost

“How should I know? I've been here as long as you...” Keira now said a little annoyed “... just chalk it up to her being her and eat”

“Hey what are you talking about?” Lucy said as she pulled your chair around so that you were facing her

Unlucky to her you were just digging into your pasta (your second dish for the day) and with the sudden movement the pasta didn't only spill over Millie but also Lucys face – and the back of Keiras neck who stopped her fork mid-air and by the way her shoulders moved you know there was a storm coming your way. Lucy herself just stood there blankly spaghetti with pesto sauce and antipasti running down her face.

“Ehrm... Lucy you have a little...” you said lowly gesturing towards her face desperately trying to hold in your laughter as a piece of eggplant sliding down your sisters cheek

The whole room was quiet so you could hear a piece of dust dropping like it'd would be a jackhammer. Everyone looked at you, Lucy, Millie and Keira shock on their faces. No one dared to move while you could see Rachel, Ella, Less and Niamh trying to hold in their laughter. Rach shook with silent laughter pulling out her phone recording a small clip for her Instagram of the sliding eggplant – fans would see it later with the caption “perfect SLIDE tackle by Egg Plant Tough Bronze”. Needless to say the fans had a field day with this clip and half the soccer world commented on it. Best comment came from María León herself tagging Ingrid complaining why Lucy was allowed to play with food when she herself wasn't even allowed to build a rice volcano. Ingrid chose to ignore that comment instead asking Lucy if this was her secret to be such an outstanding player.

“Bitsy” you heard Keira growl dangerously low

“It wasn't my fault... Lucy pulled me over” you quickly said as you jumped out of your chair walking backwards away from the blonde who still hadn't moved one inch

“Stay” the blonde said strictly still not moving

You thought quickly about bolting but as usual Keira knew you better

“You can't outrun me... don't even try” she said as she finally put down her fork

“I mean... I can try” you said desperately

“No... you can't... the only way you'd make it out of here is if you'd jump through a window – because I will be faster at the door than you” Keira said as she SLOWLY turned around

“It wasn't me” you said taking another step back hitting something with the back of your knees and suddenly found you in the lap of the one and only Lauren James.

You looked at her she looked at you both of you getting big wide eyes before you jumped up again knocking against Beth chair who lost balance and fell backwards. Only person stopping her hitting the ground was Lotte who reacted quickly grabbing Beth shirt who ripped a bit but held enough so Beth wouldn't end up with a concussion.

“Bitsy.... just stay still for god sakes” Keira said in a warning tone “You'll knock out the whole squad before we even get the chance to play the world cup”

“Sorry” you apologized quickly getting rooted in place “but at least I don't knock you all up”

That did it for Rach, Tooney and Less who bursted out laughing while your girlfriend squeaked quietly blushing again.

“Why do I have pasta on the back of my neck?” Keira asked looking at you expectantly

“Lucy pulled me around as I had me fork full of spaghetti” you explained quickly your Manchester accent coming through – like ever so often when you get nervous.

“Millie?” the blonde gave her teammate a side eye

“Truth... wasn't her fault this time” Brickwall Bright confirmed and now Keira turned towards Lucy narrowing her eyes

“Lucia... with me” the blonde said lowly and your sister shook her head scared “NOW”

“You tell Ona I loved her right?” Lucy looked at you pleadingly knowing she most like won't survive Keiras wrath

“I'll make sure she's taken care of” you nodded “I'll visit her as often as I can”

“Good...” your sister started before there was an angry “LUCY!!” from outside the room

All of you heard the door fell shut and muffled argument from outside it. You actually winced a few times feeling sorry for Lucy – she didn't mean for this to happen either. But Keira had straight rules for eating times. No whining. No argument over food. Only plating as much as you can eat. And NO throwing food – never ever. So her ending up with some courgette in the back of her neck was bad. Bad for Lucy. And in hindsight bad for you because now you have to find something new to eat now. You looked around the room – who at this point got back to light chatter and eating. You spotted Leahs plate who was still fairly full and decided after checking the ingredients that it was worth stealing. So you slandered over patting her right shoulder. The second she turned around looking you quickly snatched the plate with your left hand hiding it behind your back

“Yes y/n?” the blonde capitan looked at you expectantly

“You think Keira will kill Lucy?” you asked as a disguise pouting slightly

“No... you know them... Keira will yell at her – Lucy will look very apologetic and say she's sorry a hundred times and it will be okay again” Leah said softly still not catching up that you stole her plate

“You sure” you asked again just for good measure

“Yes Poppy... I'm sure” Leah smiled soothingly

“Okay... thanks Lee” you said smiling a little turning around walking away quickly

“Poppy!!” you heard Leah call out angry when she realized what you've done

“Love you Capitana” you yell back sitting down at your table between Millie and Toons starting to shovel down Leahs food

“I would've shared with you too, you know babe” your girlfriend said as she watched you not even chewing the food just swallowing it down.

“I know babe... but I didn't want to steal from you” you said with your mouth full which earned you a hard slap on the back from Keira

“Where do you come from?” you asked shocked half the food falling back on the plate as she slapped your head

“From ripping your sister a new one... don't talk with your mouth full or you'll be the next in line” the blonde looked at you angry

“Sorry mom” you apologized after you swallowed the remaining food

“And don't shovel it down your throat like you're starving” Keira scolded you

“But I am...” you started to get shut down by a glare from the blonde which made you shrink in your chair

“Damn... Walsh has it out for the Bronzes” Tooney mumbled under her breath but not quiet enough for Keira not to hear

“I can expand my list, Toone” Keira barked out

“Kei...” you looked at her scared

You saw Keira take a deep breath before looking at you

“Sorry Bitsy” the blonde features soften “Your sister just pushed a button”

“Can we talk please” you said lowly your eyes never leaving hers

“Come” was the only thing Keira said already walking away

Outside the door she waited for you as you closed the door quietly behind you

“What's wrong Kei? I mean you're kinda mean when you're on your period but that was... two weeks ago” you said keeping your distance from her

“I honestly don't know Bitsy... and getting smacked by antipasti in the back of my neck certainly didn't help” the blonde huffing

“You miss your girl?” you ask fishing for pointers on Keiras bad mood

“Too, yes... but all around it tires me out... I don't know why” Keira sighed deeply “and Spain in three days?? Even more tiring”

“You need a break huh?” you asked understanding “is a lot lately”

“Yeah... but I won't get a break until end of season” the blonde started to massage her temples

“I could kick your ankle” you offered

“No thanks Bitsy” Keira laughed “But thank you for the kind offer”

“No problem” you smiled “But seriously – I can take you out of the starting XI... give you a little break at least”

“In all seriousness... that would be very appreciated” the blonde sighed out happily “Wait... how do you know who is starting XI?”

“Who do you think put the XI together? Mama Rina left it all up to me – it's just a friendly and I have few ideas I want to try out” you shrugged your shoulder

“You are exceptional Bitsy....” Keira smiled at you and pushed some lose hair out of your face “... never lose your light”

“Jesus Kei... I'm not dying” you rolled your eyes

“No... but you're young and the position you just took on brings a lot of pressure with it...” the blonde said and you heard her serious tone “... don't lose your light”

“I'll do my best” you offered a smile “I don't even know how long I'm gonna stay... at the moment it's still fun... so yeah – let's see”

“Good” Keira nodded happily “You want to go back?”

“Not really no... Lunch was a mess... and left me hungry” you pouted

“I tell Sarina.... you want me to send G after you?” the blonde winked

“You would do that? What about Luce?” you looked at her with big pleading eyes

“Just play along...” Keira smirked and before you could respond what she meant the blonde started yelling at you “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO COMMENT ON A TOPIC THAT IS ABSOLUTLEY NOT YOUR BUISNESS”

“I JUST ASKED” you yelled back not knowing what Keiras plan is

“GET OUT!” the blonde yelled but smiled at you “That should be enough to get your sister of your case – she knows better than to question me... now go and send G your location...”

You pressed a sweet kiss to Keiras cheek before running off. Keira watched you rounding the first corner before she took a deep breath put on her game face and shoved the door to the dining room open aggressively. She was met with the sight of scared face from her teammates and smirked internally.

“What?” Keira barked and all newbies quickly ducked their heads not wanting to upset the veteran any further

“Jesus Kei” Georgia looked at her best friend confused “Leave the kiddos alone”

“Sorry... YOUR girlfriend just pissed me off” the blonde growled but winked at G subtly

“I go talk to her” your girlfriend huffed out already pushing herself out of her chair immediately catching on what Keira tried to tell her

“Wait... I'll come too” Lucy quickly said trying to stand up as Keira pushed her back down

“You sit” the blonde said lowly

“Yes ma'am” Lucy mumbled sitting down again

“Okay Ladies” Sarina said loudly getting everyones attention “Time to talk game tactic”

You were sitting between Georgia (who subtly intertwined your pinkies) and Tooney who yapped about some dog she saw at the park earlier.

“I worked closely with our new addition..” the dutch started before you interrupted her – again

“My parents gave me a name you know... and it's not “new addition”...” you huffed annoyed until you saw Sarina smirk

“Not?” the dutch smirked knowing from Keira of your little game so you could get away at Lunch – without informing the head coach

“I mean I got called a lot of names over the years... but “new addition” wasn't one of them” you smirked back engaging in the banter with your “boss”

“I spoke with y/n” Sarina rolled her eyes for good measure “... we – agreed...”

“Agreed? I told you what would help us win and you said “do it”....” you interrupted again knowing no one else would get away with it

“We AGREED to try a few new things when we play against Spain” the dutch ignored you expectantly “We will start with a.... wait why am I talking about this... Liefje why don't you come up here and take over?”

“What?!” you looked at her shocked shaking your head lightly

“Come on” Sarina waved you to the stage smiling “It's your tactic – you worked hard on it so you get to explain it”

You let out a big breath as Georgia squeezed your hand offering silent support before you pushed yourself up and walking up the stage standing next to your Mama

“Okay Ladies and Lucy” you said loudly waiting for your sisters signature “Hey!!!” before you continued smiling “I spent a LOT of time analysing games... plays... players... last Euros was good.. all of you played amazing BUT as Sarina said before – it was close... if you strip it down to just the play Spain WAS the better team... you got lucky with Alex goal in overtime.... REALLY lucky... Toons that leader was world class but Spain bounced back because ALL of you felt too secure for a second... I know this is just a friendly but we'll play it like it's the final again – we're back on home soil, we play Spain again but we'll... throw them off a little... so I still have some painkillers left from me wrist injury – we split them up and then I'll let you run lose... that will throw at least the Barca department off...” you grinned as Lucy groaned

“It was a mistake okay... I AM sorry” your sister said while Keira chuckled beside her

“You have to do more than say you're sorry Bronze...” you smirked “... I want that world cup”

“I'll do my best okay” Lucy smiled at your display of competitiveness

“Okay... so back to the game... we're playing at Old Trafford this time... who's idea that was? Mine – I just love that place and it hold a lot of history... So tomorrow we're moving up to Manchester whoever has problems with it... suck it up or leave” you simply said and Sarina snorted next to you “For tactics... we're going back to the roots of football... like... waaay back – we're gonna play a “Scottish furrow”... anyone any idea what that is... the dinosaur in the room maybe...??” you look straight at your sister smirking cheeky

“Oh get lost...” Lucy threw at you smiling back at you feeling happy about how much you obviously enjoy your new role

“Anyone... Scottish furrow??” you asked into the room looking from player to player

The younger ones shook their head embarrassed as the veterans wrecked their brain have heard of it before but couldn't place it. You looked at Sarina for help.

“It's a 2-3-5 formation... it's dubbed a little outdated but as y/n said – it's back to the roots” Sarina explained before nodding towards you telling you to take over again

“Spain is overall Goliath... they have a VERY strong defence, a quick working midfield and ruthless forwards... we're David in this scenario so we have to play more tactical – we'll have fast forwards a intelligent midfield AND a Brickwall of defence so our Keeper hopefully will have a relaxed game... Mary pack a book because if your Team does its job like I tell them to do it you won't have a single shot on target” you said seriously but joked as well – you started to really enjoy the situation of talking about tactics

“A 2-3-5?” Leah asked confused “How will that work with our playing style?”

“Easy... we let them run into the brickwall – not Millie but the whole defence – take the ball off them and use the momentum in our favour and just.... run” you answer looking at Leah serious “Spain will think they dictate the game... the pace... the tactic... the ball... but you guys will let them run into the wall every time... Spain is thankfully a opponent that gets frustrated easily... the second they start getting frustrated and sloppy is the second we switch back to a 3-3-4 and kill em... if my calculations are correct and the bring the line up I expect them to bring we should get out of this friendly at least 5 – 0”

“5 – nothing??” Lucy exclaimed shocked

“Yes... and we don't even have to bring the A+ team... we need A+ defence... midfield and forwards can be newbies... so whoever wants their first cap against Spain... come find me after the meeting... I set up a preliminary line up but I already have a change in midfield since Keira is out for the game” you said honestly your eyes not leaving your sisters

“Kei... you okay?” Leah immediately turned around to her best friend concerned

“Just tired Lee...” the blonde smiled back weakly “Talked to Sarina Jr. over there and she offered to take me out of the line up which I seriously appreciate”

You swell with pride when Keira referred to you as “Sarina Jr” knowing how much respect the team has for the dutch head coach.

“You need to remember Leah... she's one of the old ones now...” you smirked as Keira threw you a playful glare

“We don't comment on players ages” Sarina told you off flicking your ear lightly “We call it experience”

“Sorry... my bad... she's experienced Leah.... she want's to give the chance to the younger players to get.... experience too” you smirked

“I can make her run laps in your name K” Leah offered helpfully

“I can make her run laps in my own name too Lee” Keira laughed and you swallowed hard knowing just how well Keira could make you run laps

“My knee...” you said carefully

“Don't even try Bitsy... your sister is the one with the bad knee” the blonde smirked

“Hello.... three ACL's” you exclaimed outraged which caused everyone in the room to burst out laughing

“Oh don't even start... your knees where fine when you ran away from Alexia a few days ago” Keira rolled her eyes still smiling

“She didn't leave me a choice” you defended yourself

“She left you the choice of not running off” Lucy threw in

“Yeah like you would've stayed when Alexia Putellas threatens you” you snorted

“Even Mapí doesn't dare to run away from Capi” your sister said “So why did YOU think you could outrun her? You don't even know your way around Nuo”

“Well... I didn't really think... I acted on instinct” you said like it was obvious

“Well your instinct ended your ass in the gym with La Reina” Lucy smirked and turned to Leah “When Ale delivered her back all she did is sleep... for TWELVE hours”

“I need that workout... can you ask her? The possibility of shutting your sister up for twelve hours straight is just a dream come true” Leah laughed at your offended face

“Oh look... Leah doesn't want to play against Spain” you grinned looking at Sarina who just shook her head smiling

“You wouldn't dare to bench me Poppy...” the blonde capitan smirked back happy that the team got back to it's bantering self

“Oh but I would.. because according to my contract I'm allowed to make decisions about the team, the tactics AND the players – all in agreement with the head coach herself of course” you smirked and pulled out your contract “So yes... I can bench you... because I think I saw you having some discomfort in your knee sitting down... right?”

“You little shit” Leah laughed knowing you weren't serious

“Learned from the best” you smirked looking at your sister who smiled proudly “Back to business... 2-3-5... Chloe and Meado up top... I like the way you two work … Hillary... congratulations to your first Cap... you'll get flanked by Franny and J-Park... defenders... Millie and Leah MidDef – Luce on the right, Alex on the left... Lotte you're my false 6... “ you said looking at every single player waiting for their okay before moving on to the next one

“A false 6?” Keira asked confused

“Yeah... I want Lotte to be the connection between midfield and defence” you explained “throw the spaniards a little off... you'll run a lot Lotte is that okay?”

“Sure... I'm fit” the defender smiled

“Okay... if you get tired ask for a sub... J-Cart can come in for Alex and Alex moves up... that is if we're not back to the 3-3-4 at this point anyway – it's still just a friendly... no need to kill yourselves out there” you said and Sarina smiled proudly.

You did an exceptional job. You really took your job very seriously and still you made sure to explain your decision to make it understandable why you were starting players over others and you still had the lightness of a teenager

“Depending on if Spain takes out bait we make two subs at half … Stanway for Clinton – believe me Hillary... 45 Minutes is more than overwhelming for a first cap and Toons for Franny” you kept going with your game tactic feeling comfortable and honestly free talking about something which gave you the feeling of being part of the team

“Sounds good...” Sarina smiled approvingly “... what are your other subs?”

“Around 70th/75th minute... James for Chloe... Less for Meado... I would leave one slot open IF something happens...” you turned towards the head coach

“So you leave the defence like it is... who's in Goal?” the dutch tested your plan

“I actually just changed my mind... Mary... you have the day off... Hampton... if you're up to it?” you looked at the young Goalkeeper

“Yes... yes I'm up for it” the young woman smiles and nods her head frantically

“See... that's the enthusiasm I want” you grinned “None of you asshats were as happy as she is right now”

“Because she doesn't know you as well as we do” Lucy threw in

“Esme... you start against Spain... congratulations... Luce... I think a saw an old camping chair standing around at home... you have enough time to go home and get that chair since you won't put a foot on the pitch” you smiled sweetly and this time Keira bursted out laughing at your sisters face

“You can't...” Lucy exclaimed but you interrupted her

“Oh but I can..” you sing-songed waving your contract

“Sarina” your sister whined

“I gave her the lead for this... her call” the dutch shrugged smiling widely

“Oh come ooooon” Lucy whined again which caused the older players in the room to chuckle

“What... thinking about it I do you a favor... now you can drool over your girlfriend the whole 90 Minutes...” you smirk

“Sometimes I really wish we wouldn't have turned around when Dad forgot you in Tesco” your sister mumbled

You stepped through the tunnel onto the pitch at Old Trafford. You loved that Stadium – even if it's the home of United and you yourself grew up as a City-girl. This place held so many amazing Stories and Memories. You turned once around yourself looking at the still empty seats that in a few hours will contain nearly 75.000 fans – it was just a friendly but the tickets were gone in just under two hours. One of your dreams back then when you were still playing was to play a derby against United right here – Old Trafford. 74.310 seats and all of them will be manned/womend tonight. You remembered the last Derby you attended with Lucy. You had a small smile playing on your lips remembering the crowd, the cheers and chants, the game itself – it was like it happened yesterday.

“Hey” you heard softly behind you and it made you jump for a second

You whipped around and came face to face with your sister

“You okay?” Lucy asked softly

“Yeah... just got a little emotional here... remembered the last time we were here you know... before you left for Spain” you answered quietly

“Was a physical match... Tobin and Christen for United...” Lucy smiled and looked ahead towards the seats

“... Chloe got a stupid yellow... that wasn't a yellow... oh.. and G played left forward... wasn't it the first Derby for the Tower of Power too?” you chuckled

“Sammy Mewis? Yeah... I remember her coming out of the tunnel and nearly fell into it backwards because she didn't expect the fans to scream like they did... she tried to hide behind Rose for a hot minute there” your sister laughed lightly

“I love Rose but damn... she was shiny with the spotlights... told Gareth to put her in – she would have blinded Mearpsi with her reflective skin and bam... goal... but no” you rolled your eyes but smiled

“You always have these backhanded compliments... where do you get them from?” your sister laughed

“Lots and lots of training” you grinned “When are the spaniards arriving?”

“Already in Manchester... for a few hours now... you want to go and say hi to them?” Lucy smiled softly taking your hand

“You think Alexia would appreciate us crashing their Lunch?” you smirked

“Absolutely not... we're gonna wait in the Lobby until they're done and then quickly say hi” your sister laughed

“Yeah... why not? Where they're staying??” you shrugged your shoulders knowing Lucy tried to get you out of your sentimental state

“Hilton Garden Inn” Lucy said after checking her phone

“Ona?” you smirked

“Sí” your sister smiled back

“Wait... isn't that at the old cricket grounds?” you wrecked your brain

“Yes... it's nice apparently” Lucy shrugged not letting go of your hand

“Are we allowed to leave?” you suddenly asked looking around

“Sarina was the one calling me after seeing you out here... she said as long as were on time for the game we're good to go” your sister smiled softly

“Off to the spaniards then” you started running off pulling Lucy after your

“Remember Bubs... we don't cause troub... BUBS!!” Lucy yelled after you as you sprinted off towards the dining area

“I fucking knew it” your sister grumbled as she speed walked after you hearing you already flinging the heavy doors open

“Buenos Aires Motherfuckers!!!” you screamed as you pushed threw the big heavy double-door “I'm back!!”

There were different reactions to your entrance. Some of the spanish players screamed in horror, some nearly chocked on their food and some jumped up and took cover behind the tables

“A la mierda y/n!!!” Alexia exclaimed after she looked shocked over the edge of the table she cowered behind

“I said Buenos Aires... I made meself known” you smirked at the sight of the spanish national team in distress

“You storm inside her, interrupt our Lunch and scare us to DEATH for what exactly? And it's too late for Bon dia Cariño” Alexia now stood up glaring at you

“Lucy said we can go say hi so we did... and I didn't mean bon dias... I meant the other one... the Buenos Aires... your Olga said it” you shrugged your shoulders grinning

“Ay dios mio... my headache is suddenly back...” the blonde spaniard mumbled but in secret she was glad to see you “And it's Buenos tardes.... not Buenos Aires”

“Then that... Buenos tartlets motherfuckers” you said again grinning widely

“Nena!!!!” you suddenly hear from your left and found yourself laying on the ground a second later with someone on top of you

“María!!” you heard a voice from above you and the weight got pulled off you

“What just happened?” you asked confused as Ona helped you up

“Mapí wreckingballed you... she does that sometimes when she gets excited” your sisters girlfriend dusted you off a little bit before offering you a smile “You good?”

“Sí” you mumbled still a little bit confused

“Look at you speaking spanish” the short defender smiled warmly opening her arms inviting you in for a hug

“Putellas was adamant about it” you mumbled against Ona after you accepted her hug

“Okay Mapí...” you heard Alexia behind you “I told you what would happen if you misbehave again...”

“What she doing” you sack against Ona relaxing for a second

“Oh Mapí was a little over the top the whole camp... and since not even extra laps got her to calm down Alexia approaches the problem differently now” Ona answered smiling at how much you were leaning against her “What's up with you Bebita? You look exhausted”

“You guys are exhausting” you mumbled suddenly feeling extremly tired

“Us? We didn't do anything” the short blonde chuckled

“She means your games” you reconized your sisters voice behind you

“Disculpe?” Ona chuckled

“Again with the dislocation...” you mumbled as you get transferred into Lucys arms

“I'm NOT going to wear... Alexia... por favor” you heard Mapí beg “por favor la reina”

“Jenni... ayudame por favor” Alexia said holding Mapí police hold

“León... quédate quieto y acepta tu destino” you heard Jenni growl and immediately sink more into Lucy

“She's not angry with you... what's up with you anyway?” Lucy soothed you after she realize you shrink away from Jennis voice

“Tired” you mumbled

“She can sleep for a bit in my room” Ona offered

“Bubs... you wanna sleep with Ona?” your sister asked half quietly as suddenly four heads snapped in her directions and you were wide awake again

“Scuse me?” you chocked out

“NOT like that you...” your sister huffed out annoyed

“I mean I know you're not shy when it comes to our sex...” Ona started before you interrupted her

“LALALALALALALA!!!” you yelled loudly wrenching your fingers into your ears to blend out the rest of Onas sentence and screw your eyes shut walking away from your sister – and straight into Jenni Hermoso.

You stumbled back a little bit as you opened one eye seeing the tall dark haired spaniard smirking at you raising her eyebrow

“You were more smooth when you were high” Jenni smirked

“HUH??” you asked loudly your fingers still in your ear

Jenni rolled her eyes smiling grabbing your right hand pulling it away from your finger

“High you is smoother” she grinned

“Sober me has better taste” you shot back

“Sober you doesn't like me no?” Jenni teased you

“I can't answer that....” you swallowed hard

“So sober you DOES like me” the black haired said smirking

“Jenni stop teasing the Cariño” Alexia interrupted swatting her friends shoulder “She has a girlfriend”

“Interesting” Jenni smirked wriggling her eyebrows at you

“Indeed...” you coughed out before you laid eyes on Mapí and bursted out laughing “WHAT are you wearing??”

There she was – Mapí León in all her spanish glory... strapped in a Dino-Harness.

“This is all your fault” Mapí huffed

“Moi??” you asked confused

“Yes... YOU have one and that's why I have one now” María looked at you with betrayal in her eyes

“Then it's Lucys fault” you pointed at your sister “she's the one getting Bronzo in the first place!”

“Because you kept running off!!” Lucy defended herself “You still do”

“Why are you here?” Alexia asked your sister “You know it's not really common to visit the opponent before the game”

“She got a little emotional and I thought bringing her here would help – and it did... you guys don't even realize how much you help her” your sister said her voice low so you won't catch on while you were busy wrestling with Mapí around on the floor getting cheered on by Pina

“Ale... Puedes por favor controlarlos?” Aitana asked after you repeatedly kicked her chair trying to find leverage over Mapí both of you laughing

“Jenni... por favor” the blonde spaniard looked at her teammate who just sighed and walked towards you and Maps

“How was she the last two weeks?” Ona asked as she watched Jenni trying to split you two apart

“Rollercoaster.... she had a lot of fun with Less and Toons... and then she fell again and Keira had to drag her out of bed – it helped a lot that Sarina got her to agree to work for the Lionesses” your sister said keeping her voice low so just Ona and Alexia could hear her “And I may have played a part in her moody days” she confessed embarrassed

“What did you do?” Ona asked raising her eyebrow at Lucy

“I may – or may not – have threatened her girlfriend...” your sister scratched the back of her neck

“You WHAT??” Ona whisper yelled “I swear to god Lucia”

“We sorted it out... I just – I need to make sure she's protected okay” Lucy said “She's my baby sister”

“I get it... you know... Alba... the first partner she brought home – I made them run for the hills... threatened the shit out of them.. and had Jenni just stare at them from the other side of the room – for the whole night” Alexia chuckled

“But Albas first partner wasn't your exes best friend and technically your good mate too” Lucy mumbled

“No.. but I get why you're so... y/b Bronze... Ay dios – put that down!!!” Alexia started before she saw you holding a potato like you were a pitcher sizing up the distance between yourself and Olga Carmona.

Jenni was quick to react after she sat Mapí next to Irene who just fixed the younger spaniard with one glare

“No little one... we don't throw potatoes” the black haired spaniard said as she towered over you

“It's a boiled one?” you asked innocently

“No...” Jenni said smiling sweetly “... no throwing potatoes... boiled or not”

“You suck” you huffed annoyed

“And you wish” the dark haired one shot back smirking and you swallowed hard again – the second time in just under an hour

“Bubs... come on... we have to go” you heard Lucy from the other side of the room

You looked up from where you were hunched over the table with Mapí building some Lego figures

“Just five more minutes” you whined “We're nearly done”

“No Bubs.. now... we have to get ready – they have to get ready... come on... I told you we'll leave after an hour” your sister said firmly

“But” you started to whine again what caused some of they players to chuckle

“No... “ Lucy interrupted you “Get your Bag and come on”

“I...” you started confused “... don't have a bag with me?”

“Oh... right... sorry... I just had a flashback from all the times I had to pick you up from kindergarten” your sister said a little embarrassed

“I bet you were a cute pequeño” Alexia laughed pinching your cheeks

“She was a menace from Day 1... her birth was chaos... from the moment she entered this world it was chaos... no wait... she was chaos before that...” Lucy said as she watched you trying to fight Alexias hands off

“Am not” you grunted as the blonde spaniard continued to pinch your cheeks

“You were, are and always will be... which doesn't matter now because we need to leave” your sister answered

“Then tell her to stoooop” you whined

“Capi.... we need to leave” your sister grinned

“See you after the game Cariño” Alexia smirked and pressed a kiss to your forehead

“Can Mapí come too?” you looked at Alexia and Lucy hopefully

“Not now... you will see her later at the game and AFTER the game you can run around with her a little bit okay” Lucy tried to coax you away from Maps who clutched onto your hand

“Why not now?” you whined again

“Because Mapí needs to get ready for her game too... and we need to get ready at our hotel” your sister knew she had to stay calm otherwise you would just throw a big ass tantrum

“This sucks” you huffed but stood up

“Thank you Bubs... I promise you can play Lego later with Mapí” Lucy smiled as she put her arm over your shoulder leading you away from the spanish team

74.310. 74.310 fans – sold out Old Trafford. You were standing next to Sarina in the locker room and heard every single one of them. You knew Sarina gave you the freedom to do whatever you thought was right at this game and you knew the Team waited for the pre-game talk but all you could do was relishing that moment. Your eyes were closed, a small smile on your lips and you listened to the chants from above you. You took a deep breath before straightening up again.

“okay... I know this is just a friendly but I want all of you to treat it like it's the world cup final. Out there are 74.310 fans who are here for YOU... you had a good camp and we have a good play and we have the best team. Let all of them fans see that – let them enjoy that evening and make it an unforgettable experience for them. Let's paella the shit out of them tapas shovelling shrimp eater” you said loudly smirking at the end of your little speech

You send your team outside high-fiving every single one (except for Mearps because her high-fives hurt) before you took your place next to Sarina at the end of the Starting XI. You saw Alexia who was wearing the captains armband and winked at her when she turned around. She rolled her eyes for good measure before turning back and you saw the shift in her posture – she was in game mode. Who you couldn't spot in the line up was Mapí. You were confused for a second since you were 79% sure she would start as well. Sarina nudged your shoulder a lightly and brought your focus back to your own team.

“Sorry” you mumbled and hung your head

“It's okay Liefje... I know it can get overwhelming but I need your focus here right now – if it gets too bad let Keira or Lucy know okay... or Georgia” the blonde said softly as the line up started to move

“Nothing to be sorry about, Liefje... you are doing amazing – you are 16 and still a Ki...” Sarina said softly as you suddenly found yourself getting pushed forward onto the ground

“Hola mi nena” you heard from above you and all you could do was grunt

“Hi Maps... why??” you whined

“I just misseded you so much” the blonde spaniard said from above you

“Excuse me, León... could you please get off my analyst?” Sarina said a little confused

“Wait... I'll get it sorted...” you grunted from underneath Mapí “Lucy!! HELP!!”

Seconds later Lucy came sprinting back from the pitch tackling the spaniard off you both of them rolling in one big ball of limbs over the ground

“I told you not to do that León...” your sister growled after she pinned Mapí to the ground “Who's on the bench today?”

“Leila... Aitana... Athenea... Alba...” Mapí listed off

“So... the A-Team” you laughed which caused Sarina to smirk while Mapí didn't get it and just looked at you confused

“Because all of them start with an A” you tried to explain your “joke”

“That was a shit joke you muppet” Lucy rolled her eyes and pushed herself off Mapí

“At least I make jokes...” you snapped back as Sarina helped you back to your feet

“I get Aita to watch you León..” your sister pointed at the small spaniard who looked like a kicked puppy

“Por favor no... they'll put that stupid thing around me again” the blonde whined

“You have a T-Rex!!!! I have a bronto!!! Yours is so much cooler” you exclaimed

“Which reminds me... come here Bubs...” Lucy grinned

“You can't be serious!!!” you took a small step back

“Come here Bubs” your sister cooed “Bronzo time”

“Old Trafford is SOLD OUT!! And you want to strap me down??!!” you tried to hide behind Sarina “74.310 tickets SOLD!!!”

“Look... I don't need you running on the field trying to have a go at the ref – I also don't want to hold your hand the whole time because you probably would just pull you with me” Lucy said still smirking “So yes – I am gonna tie you to the bench and know you won't cause trouble... Keira is with me on that one”

“You all suck” you grumbled but let Lucy pull the straps expectantly over your arms locking them on the back

“I honestly didn't think you would give up that easily” your sister smiled once she attached the leash

“I want that Mapí has to wear hers too” you stayed rooted in your place crossing your arms over your chest

“I'll sort it out okay... but now you hop off to Kei...” Lucy ruffled through your hair handing the leash off to Sarina

“Come on Liefje” the dutch said lovingly tugging slightly on the offending string

On your way out Irene Paredes passed you with long powerful strides and you saw a harness clutched in her hand which made you grin. A minute later you heard Mapí exclaiming loudly in spanish and you even heard a few spanish swear words. It made you chuckle and got you into a better mood knowing you wasn't the only one the fans will make fun off.

“Hey Bitsy” Keira greeted you softly as you plumped down next to her

“I hate Lucy... I'm gonna put her in as a forward... or in goal” you mumbled

Keira bursted out laughing pulling you into her side pressing a kiss to your forehead – unknowns to you a lot of camera lenses were pointed towards you and that exactly that picture will go viral.

“Lucy in goal? I would pay to see that” Keira smiled knowing exactly why you were so grumpy.

“How much would you pay?” you suddenly perked up

“I would make sure you'll have some quality time with a certain blonde?” Keira smirked amused

“Deal” you quickly said pulling Keiras hand out of her pocket grabbing it quickly shaking it

“It's okay Bitsy... I would have done it anyway – you reacted so grown up with everything thrown at you this camp you deserve a little treat...” the blonde said softly

“I did, didn't I?” you smiled looking onto the pitch where Alexia and Leah stepped up to shake hands

“If I look over your pranks on LJ, Georgia, Leah, Beth and I'm pretty sure Alex wasn't a ginger this morning” Keira smirked

“They weren't pranks... that's love language...” you said embarrassed

“You call it love hiding LJ's clothes while she's in the shower so she has to wait in St. Georges Park until someone got some spare from the Hotel? Put itching power in her bed? Stealing all her left socks? Ordering pizza for the whole staff on her credit card? Not even to start with the laxative in her breakfast on the third day” the blonde raised her eyebrow at you

“Don't know what you're talking about, Kei...” you look at her innocently

“Course you don't Bitsy...” the blonde laughed “... but you should pay attention now – games is about to start”

You looked back over to the pitch seeing Spain won the coin toss and decided to play from left to right – which mean England had the kick off. You're eyes found the way to the spanish bench seeing Mapí being tied up to a post next to Irene as Lucy made her way over grinning widely as she took a seat behind you. Sarina sat on the outside of the row not seeing the point in interrupting right now since nothing had happened so far.

“You good Bubs?” Lucy asked from behind you

“Never been better” you grinned and Keira saw the glint in your eye

The game kicked off and you saw how Spain got thrown off a little bit already by your chosen formation and you smirked to yourself. Your plan worked perfectly – even if Hermoso and Paralluelo made it through the midfield they always ran into your defence brickwall. At one point Hannah even turned around to wave at fans and stood next to the goal for pictures. She was teasing the spanish players. Olga Carmona was lost since she couldn't mark Lucy – who sat behind you on the bench and Esme was not known enough to Carmona to place her playing style. Poor Olga wasn't having the best day.

It was in the 14th minute where Fran Kirby delivered a beautiful pass to Chloe who saw Beth running with her into an open space and directed the ball a forward where Beth just had to chip it into the back of the net. You jumped up just like everyone else screaming just as loud as the Lioness fans. Beth came running over to the bench signalling you to come up to the line and the second you did she pulled you into a hug – both of you staying on your side of the pitch

“This is yours pumpkin... this is your goal” Meado whispered into you hair and pressed a loving kiss to your forehead before she sprinted off again going back into her position.

You looked up to the orange sky as the sun set trying to control the tears who threatened to spill out of your eyes. Sarina stepped up next you laying her arm around your shoulders just offering silent support knowing how much this meant to you. Suddenly you felt Keiras hand on your other shoulder, Lucys hands on your waist and Georgias hand sneaking into yours. Weeks later it would be that exact same picture that would be seen as Lucys lock screen at a Barca video.

Spain kicked off again and you smirked seeing how they started to lose their temper already. Alexia tried to keep her players level headed but especially the younger ones like Salma tried the “head through the wall”-technique all the time. Again and again she'll run into the wall even if there where three players running with her one of them in a perfect position to at least get a shot at goal. But you expected something like that but to your surprise it happened faster than you thought. In minute 35 Millie rocket the ball way into the spanish half for Clinton to pick it up getting it to J-Park who put it into the box for Fran who just volleyed past Cata. Sarina pulled you immediately into a big hug and even Fran pointed over to you which got noticed by Alexia who realized that it was your doing that her team was struggling.

It made her so angry and proud at the same time. She saw how her team was slowly falling apart and she couldn't do NOTHING about it because of you. You placed your players perfectly and the formation you chose was just impossible to break – even if they got past your midfield your defence stood like... yes like a brickwall. Alexia saw her team getting frustrated. She needed to do something but she couldn't think of a solution. When Fran Kirby scored the second goal for england and pointed over to you it just made her blood boil. She loved you. She would give her life for you. But right now she wanted to strangle you – publicly. VERY publicly. Jenni came over to her best friend

“What are we gonna do, Capi?” the dark haired asked

“I... I don't know... this is y/n going” the blonde seethed back “I don't know what to do – I don't know how she's thinking”

“Trust your stomach Capi... but it doesn't help the team if you freak out” Jenni said softly squeezing Alexias biceps

“Let us get through the first half... and try scoring... isn't that what you get paid for?” Alexia smiled at her best friend

“Feed me good balls and I'll score” the dark haired one smirked before turning around jogging back into her position

“Oh so it's my fault” Alexia yelled after Jenni smiling

Just three minutes Leah passed the ball to Lotto who took off like a lightning surprising the spanish players once again. She passed Alexia like Speedy Gonzales which caused the spanish capitan to needed a second to realize what happened before sprinting after Lotte yelling spanish commands to her defence. Lotte saw Chloe wide open at the far post, Cata off her line so Lotte did what everyone would do – she pulled her leg back and bolted through the ball. Cata did exactly what Lotte wanted – she came even further off her line. Lotte kicked the a perfect curve ball to Chloe who headed into the back of the net. 3 – 0. The Lionesses were destroying the spanish National team. When you saw Lottes curve ball you already were out your seat – with Keira holding on to your leash tightly – screaming loudly. Chloe came running over to you as well and you did your special city-handshake. You saw Alexia hanging her head low and you felt sorry for her. You could see that the blonde felt guilty for letting Lotte past so easily.

In the 43rd minute even Ona lost her plot committing a foul against Jess Parker which should have been a yellow card – at least in your opinion. You jumped out of your seat starting to yell at the ref from the side-line

“Oy ref.... that's a yellow!!!!” you yelled angrily

“Calm down Bitsy” Keira said softly trying to pull you back on your leash but you were so in your zone you didn't even notice her

“Oy... OY ref you blind moron!!!” you yelled again and this time you got the refs attention as she looked over to you as you grabbed Sarinas glasses of her nose “You need some glasses so you can actually SEE a foul when it's happening??”

Lucy tried to do damage control by putting her hand over your mouth pulling you backwards while you heard Mapí scream from the spanish bench.

“You tell her nena!!! That's my nena!!!” the small spaniard cheered you on not even caring that the foul was committed by her team resulting in a free kick for the Lionesses.

But it was already to late as the ref already was walking over to you. You sized her up standing a little taller on your toes as she already pulled a yellow card from her chest pocket holding it up over your head.

“This is an official warning” she said to you as you continued to glare at her not able to talk back as Lucy still had her hand over your mouth

“Sorry ref... it's her first game and she's a little emotional” Sarina tried to calm the situation signalling your sister to get you back to the bench who immediately understood and janked you backwards so you lost your balance and she had an easier job getting you away.

Meado and Leah stepped up to the free kick both looking over at you for instruction on who should take the free kick. You held up five fingers and signed for top left. You made sure that all the players knew your signs beforehand so Leah nodded barely noticeable winking at you. She quickly talked to Beth who quickly looked over to you smirking. As the whistle blew Meado started to run up to the ball but running over it while Leah came a step behind her kicking the ball in the top left corner making it 4 – 0 for England. This time you just smirked nodding satisfied. Leah came over to you smirking as well as she stood opposite to you and both of you taking a bow at the same time. Every goal the Lionesses scored today they'll dedicate to you – it was Sarinas wish and the team immediately agreed. This was your doing. This was YOUR game.

The first half ended with a defeated spanish team and a happy english team. The players tickling into the locker room in the best mood chatting happily until you climbed up on a bench whistleing loudly

“Okay guys that was more than perfect – Lotte... great game so far really... you're a perfect false 6... Hillary... you were outstanding for your first game... really great job... great passes, quick thinking, great overview.... really REALLY good job out there... the rest of you was amazing too... honestly you all play phenomenal... we still do the halftime changes and we go a little easy on Spain and go back to 3-3-4” you said before you stepped down again letting Leah take over leaving the locker room.

Outside Sarina waited for you smiling

“You always have to cause trouble, don't you Liefje?” the dutch smiled “A yellow – I can't believe it”

“Not my fault that ref is blind as a mole” you grumbled but a smile tugged on your lips “I'm gonna get that yellow after the game and gift it to Ona... it's hers anyway”

Sarina laughed loudly pulling you back towards the pitch as you looked at her

“Mama Rina... I have another sub if you're okay with it” you smiled

“You can do whatever you want today Liefje” Sarina smiled back

“Perfect” you smiled happily as you felt a hand smacking your ass making you jump and turn to your right seeing your girlfriend jogging past laughing “I'll get you for that Stanway!” you yelled after her

“All empty promises” Georgia laughed as she jogged out of the tunnel

The second half began as the first one ended with England dominating the game being fired up from the comfortable lead and the nervousness from Spain. Spain subbed some players too at halftime one of them being Mapí León who stopped at your height when she entered the pitch

“Nena... I love you... but now I have to do my job okay... I can't let you score again” the spaniard said a little sadly

“Oh don't worry... I know colorbook spaniard... we'll still score at least one more” you grinned at her which made her grin back at you before jogging on

At the 72nd minute you made two more subs just like you cleared with Sarina. LJ came on for Chloe who started to get tired anyway and Less replaced Meado who just came back from an injury. Georgia did a good job in midfield together with Toons and soon Cata got basically bombarded with shots on her goal while the english defence got a breather. Against all odds it was actually Georgia who scored the 5 – 0 after Less pelted the ball against the crossbar and the ball landed at Gs feet who just took her chance and just... scored. Your girlfriend couldn't believe it herself as Less and Toons jumped on top of her screaming loudly. As soon as Georgia got rid of the two stooges she ran over to the side-line stopping right in front of you

“I can't do what I want to do right now but I promise I do it when we win the world cup for you” your girlfriend said softly and you smiled at her

“I'll hold you to it Stanway” you smiled back as she mocked a salute before running off

It was the 84th minute when you made your final sub. You did send Lucy to warm up who just smirked

“You just can't get around letting me sitting on the bench can't you” your sister teased and you smirked back

“Something like that” you answered

You went up to the fourth official to tell her that you had one last sub. She took out her notebook writing down the numbers who get subbed and looked at you confused

“Are you sure? No. 2 comes on for No.13?” the fourth official looked at you

“Yes I'm sure” you smirked widely

“13 is your Goalkeeper” the woman specified

“Yes I know...” you shrugged your shoulders smiling before getting back to your bench “Luce... get ready – coming on the next chance”

“Sure... any orders?” your sister said as she tied her laces again

“Just... keep a clean sheet okay” you smirked

“What?” Lucy asked confused but you ushered her out to the side-line.

The board went up and it showed the green no.2 – which caused a lot of cheering by the fans – and a the red no. 13. THAT on the other hand caused a LOT of confusion. Hannah looked over at you for clearance and you nodded grinning while Keira was howling in laughter

“Are you serious?” Sarina looked at you shocked

“Yes... I am dead serious... Lucy wanted to play... she gets to play” you grinned as you watched Hannah jogging over already pulling her gloves of her hands pushing them against Lucys chest who turned around to you shocked

“What the hell..” your sister started

“Get going Bronze... and keep that clean sheet... Hannah did amazing out there and there's only a few minutes left... trust the process and trust your defence” you said as you gave your sister a push so she would step on the pitch.

The game ended with a glorious win for England. The team celebrated on the pitch and with the fans. But not you. You stood at the side-line and kept your eyes fixed on your girlfriend and the raven haired spaniard who stood very VERY close to her – too close for your liking.

“What's wrong Bitsy?” Keira appeared next to you wrapped in her warm fluffy team jacket her warm breath coming out puffy in the cold english air.

“Nothing” you mumbled distracted growling lowly when the spaniard laid her hand on the lower arm of your girlfriend

Keira followed your eyes until she found the scene of your obvious bad mood. When the blonde realized what was happening she bursted out laughing

“Don't laugh... who is that?” you grumbled annoyed still rooted in your place

“That's Nuria... Nuria Rábano... left back... plays for Wolfsburg in Germany and obviously Spain” Keira chuckled watching as the dark haired woman laughed at something G said her head thrown back

“She's touching what's mine” you growled seeing how the spaniard grabbed your girlfriends arm tighter

“They played each other just before camp... and she's spanish” the blonde answered still very amused about the whole situation

“People could get a wrong picture of it” your mood didn't really improve with all the information Keira provided

“You know what they say... Are they dating or are they spanish?” Keira found great entertainment in poking at your ego a little bit

“I don't like it” you grumbled

“Green isn't really your colour Bitsy” Keira smirked at the your displayed jealousy as you started to walk into your girlfriends direction rather aggressive

“Green is the perfect colour for me... makes my eyes pop” you yelled back growling already halfway there.

Keira just laughed at your antics turning walking around over to Beth and Leah starting her fan round

“This is amazing... putting five past Coll just feels amazing” Ella screamed so you could hear her over the noise of the fans

“Told you it'll work... just trust me” you yelled back laughing “I don't know what her obsession is with Luce but damn... thank you Carmona”

“She looks pissed” Less laughed next to you as you got sandwiched between her and Ella

“I mean... not my fault” you grinned as you three went across the pitch shaking hands with the spanish players.

You stopped shortly at Aitana for both of you to awkwardly shake hands and then quickly walking away again

“What was that??” Lessi laughed in your face

“We... yeah” you shrugged lost

“I mean that's full on Tooney behaviour” the blonde laughed

“Oi” Ella exclaimed loudly “I wasn't THAT bad”

“True... you were worse” you bursted out laughing “If it wasn't for Luce you'd never have gotten that picture... isn't it your lock screen?”

“Shut up the both of ya” Tooney grumbled

“Hola Cariño” you suddenly hear behind you

You turned around smirking turning Less and Tooney (who totally didn't squeal as she reconized Alexia) with you.

“Hola pretty spaniard” you grinned and Alexia laughed out loud

“Good game” the blonde spaniard smirked at you “Good tactics”

“I'll let the staff know” you smirked enjoying that little banter between the two of you

“Whoever came up with that deserves a raise – no one noticed a weak link in our play before.. or threw us off of our game like this ever before” Alexia grinned knowing fully well it was you

“I'll tell the head coach... yeah... we have a new member of staff... she's good...” you wriggled your eyebrows

“I noticed... but is she good enough to come up with more solutions since she just spilled her little... plan” spains capitana smirked right back at you

“She'll have some surprise ready for you the next time we face each other” you smirked “Alexia... Lessi Russo... Ella Toone” you now introduced your best friends “Me best mates”

“Alessia” Lessi corrected you pronouncing the “A” extra loud

You rolled your eyes for good measure and shoved her away

“You do know I know them right? Last year? Final” Alexia laughed

“No... you know the football players Alessia Russo and Ella Toone” you basically screamed the Alessia “But this two are my best friends...” you smiled

“Less.. Toons.. Alexia “Don't touch that” Putellas... two times Ballon d'Or...” you started before getting big eyes as you frantically looked for Mapí

“... Winner, Cariño... I won that trophy twice...” Alexia laughed as you stopped mid-sentence

“Yeah... sure... winner... twice” you said as realized that she had no idea that there was in fact just ONE whole Ballon d'Or... and one broken one

“You sure are something Cariño” the blonde spaniard smiled as she hugged you

“Ew... go away... you're all sweaty” you faked disgust trying to push her off “AND you wear the wrong jersey...”

“I'm very sorry” Alexia said “apologetic” and hugged you even tighter “You want my jersey?”

“Nope” you snorted “But Lessi over here is a BIG fan”

“You want to swap?” the spaniard smiled at your friend who – in true Less fashion nodded frantically and tried to get her jersey over her head just to get stuck in it

You knew the second you saw her tugging on it the second time that there definitely will be a clip of it – and it definitely will go viral.

With the help of Toons and you you managed to get her out of her jersey which she embarrassed offered to a smirking Alexia

“Come on Stooches” you heard Lucy yell from the place she stood with Ona (and Mario for cover) “Time for huddle”

“But I didn't see Mapí” you whined back

“And it will stay that way” Alexia quickly said firmly

“We're on english soil... you can't tell me what to do in me home” you whined

“Lucia?!” Alexia didn't even bother to give in to your whine “you're hermanita wants to spend time with María”

“Absolutely not” Keira yelled from your other side where she was talking to Irene and Patri

“Tweedledumb” you yelled happily skipping over to the trio leaving Lessi and Toons awkwardly standing next to Alexia

“I was tweedledee” Patri said confused

“No... I'm pretty sure you were tweedledumb” you mused

“Bitsy... don't you have someone else to annoy” Keira pressed a soft kiss to your temple

“I would... but pretty spaniard won't let me go to colorbook spaniard” you whined

“Wrong.. I... won't leave you go to Mapí...” Keira laughed

“But whyyyyy” you whined again

“Really?” the blonde raised her eyebrow at you

“Ugh...” you huffed before you suddenly perked up

“What have you seen now?” Keira immediately felt the change in your body language

“Not what... who” you smirked “Hola sexy spaniard”

“Hola little One... you behaving?” Jenni grinned at you as she came over

“Never... good game Hermosa”

All the players around you stopped talking looking at you confused as Jenni began smirking.

“What?” you asked looking around

“Did... did you just call me beautiful?” the black haired woman smirked as Alexia began to laugh trying to hide it behind her hand

“WHAT??? NO!!!” you screeched horrified as you saw G looking at you suspicious

“You did Cariño... Hermosa means beautiful in spanish” Alexia laughed

“Dear bloody fucking...” you started getting interrupted by Lucy

“Push ups!!”

“CHRIST... Ona said the female version of things is A at the end... the male mostly O... as far as I can tell she has breast and no dick!!!” you enthral loudly

“y/n Bronze... watch your mouth... we're in public” Keira said sternly giving you a death glare

“Sorry” you said ashamed “But... she laughed” you pointed at Alexia

“Because you got it wrong” Keira rolled her eyes “and it wasn't a bad mistake... just a mistake.. get over it... and now come on... Sarina is waiting”

You huffed but let Keira pull you along. You watched as the spanish player went over to their head coach Jorge Vilda (or as you called him Vileda – because he's a mop and nothing more) and their president Rubiales. They were laughing with each other when you saw out of the corner of your eye how Rubiales grabbed Jennis head with both hands and how she moved backwards a little bit. It happened so quickly that if someone (Lucy and Keira... and Sarina) asked you afterwards you couldn't even answer why you did what you did.

You saw how his head moved closer to hers and how she slightly leaned backwards. You pushed yourself away from Keira who looked after you confused before yelling out to Lucy (who was in conversation with Meado). You quickly covered the distance between you and the spanish team shoving bodies to the side until you were standing behind Jenni when you saw that he actually DID press his lips to hers. You yanked her around and away from Rubiales as you already had your balled fist lifted behind your head. You knew you had one go and only one. So you made good use of it putting all your anger into that punch. You felt your fist connect with his face (more specifically his nose) and a gush of red liquid landed on your white Lioness jersey.

It just took seconds but these seconds went past like they were hours. You saw how first Rubiales looked at you confuse. Then shocked and when your fist connected with his face how his whole face flew to the side and he tumbled backwards his hands flying to his nose. There was a deadly silence in the stadium – 74.310 fans were silent.

The next second you felt hands on your shoulders and around your torso as several people started to get in between you and Rubiales. Lucy, Keira, Ona, Alexia, Mary, Leah, Mario – all of them and some more getting in between the two of you. Lucy had her arms around your torso pulling you backwards while the spanish girls trying to get you away before Luis recovered.

Lucy (with the help of Keira and Mary) got your growling fuming form into the tunnel and then the locker-room. Sarina wasn't far behind

“All of you leave” the dutch ordered strictly

Quickly the three players got out of the room knowing not to start an argument with Sarina right now

“Are you actually completely mad?” the blonde dutch said upset “Do you even realize what you've done out there??”

“I...” you looked at her and she saw that you actually DIDN'T know what you did “no... I don't know... I saw how he grabbed her head and then... I don't know”

“You hit him” Sarina said slowly trying to see if you played her

“Did I get him good? He's an arrogant pig” you asked

Sarina just pointed at your jersey waiting for your reaction

“Wow... shit... is this his blood?” you looked up after discovering the splash of red on the white fabric

“Yes... y/n... I need the truth... do you REALLY not remember?” Sarina looked you straight in the eye and you held the eye contact

“I swear Mama Rina... I remember seeing him grabbing her head and then you yelling at me – I swear” you said honestly

“Okay...” the blonde sighed out “... we need to do damage control... you NEED to apologize to the spanish federation”

“WHAT? No... he IS a pig...” you exclaimed

“Liefje... you don't have to mean it... just sell it... because if you don't the FIFA has a reason to ban you from the World cup...” Sarina pressed

“And he just can do whatever he wants and gets away with it?” you said upset

“The only one who can press charges right now is Hermoso... not the spanish team or you.. this part of the problem doesn't concern you... but you need to openly apologise... and you need to sell it” the dutch said firmly trying to get through to you

“Okay...” you huffed “I don't like it... but I'll do it for you”

“Thank you Liefje... and please... after you apologized... don't throw an “asshole” in there” Sarina smiled

“Damn it” you cursed

“Yeah... I do know you” the blonde laughed

The two of you exit the locker-room and to no surprise your sister and Keira were still waiting outside

“ARE YOU ACTUALLY..” Lucy started before she gets interrupted by Sarina

“Stop it... we already talked about it and she will apologise” the dutch said sternly

Your sister huffed but after a second smiled

“Nice right hook... made me proud” Lucy grinned ruffling your hair

“Thanks... Jorge taught me” you grinned back as you passed the spanish locker-room

“Wait” you said quickly before you knocked at the door

You waited a few seconds before Misa Rodríguez opened the door looking at you carefully

“Sí?” she asked raising an eyebrow

“Okay look... I neither have the time nor the patience to even try to get you to understand me three words of spaniard so I'm gonna do it me way” you huffed out before yelling into the room “HERMOSO!!!”

Seconds later Jenni pushed Misa slightly to the side standing now in the doorway

“Yes?” the dark haired woman asked and you could see that she was still somewhat upset.

“Here” you said as you pulled the Jersey with Rubiales blood on it over your head “It's yours... you deserve it... whenever you question if people will have your back – it was me honour to have your back at this moment... end him Hermoso...” you said intensely before turning around leaving

“Wait” Jenni quickly grabbed your wrist “Thank you” she smiled slightly

“Let him bleed Jenni... he doesn't deserve your mercy” you said firmly “What he did was wrong... and he should carry the consequences”

“Here” this time Jenni pulled her jersey over her head “It's sweaty but I think it's just fair that you get the jersey from the person who got you in trouble”

“Meeh... I always get meself into trouble... but I'll wear it when I apologise to Rubiales... so that he knows that I'll stick to your side” you winked

“You're going to apologise??” Jenni asked shocked

“Have to... Sarina said I don't have to mean it... I just have to sell it... otherwise FIFA can ban me from being part of the team” you grinned

“Thank you y/n Bronze... I owe you” Jenni smiled again

“Yeah about that... I would love to win next year... could you maybe... hold back a little” you grinned and Jenni bursted out laughing

“You can keep dreaming because that won't happen” the dark haired woman laughed.

#lucy bronze x reader #keira walsh x reader #lucy bronze #woso image #barca femeni #mapi leon x reader #ona batlle x reader #jenni hermoso x reader #lionesses x reader #alexia putellas x reader

[skipper1331]

Loving Esme // Esme Morgan

a/n: based off this and this request:)

Loving Esme was the easiest thing in the world and always had been.

You fell in love with her the moment you saw her.

Back then, you didn‘t know what love was and neither did she, but you knew that she was special.

The two of you became friends in an instant as you shared the same interests and hobbies. You wanted to spend every second of the day with her, play football, read books or no matter what. As long as Esme was there, you were the happiest girl in the world.

With 15 you realized that the feelings you had for the blonde weren‘t just friendly but much more. It scared you.

Age 15

"How do you know if you like someone?" you asked Esme who was sat at her desk, doing some homework while you relaxed on her bed. "Well, I think you should feel butterflies, that weird sensation in your stomach when you are near that person. But you should also feel nervous and shy, afraid what to say because you want to impress that person. A racing heart and sweaty hands is also a sign yet always feeling comfortable and secure in their proximity. If you like someone that someone could never do anything wrong because they are too perfect to do anything wrong. Their laugh is like music to your ears, the sound of their voice is angelic and the slightest touch of skin burns your skin…" Esme told you as she didn’t even look from her work.

To you, it sounded like Esme talked about the feeling of being in love like she had read in her many romance books. What you didn’t know nor did she realize was that she in fact described the things she felt when she was with you.

When no answer came, the blonde turned on her chair, looking directly at you "Do you like someone?" a frown displayed in her face.

"No"

Lie.

Esme turned back on her chair, trying to focus on her work. You had lied to her, you have never done before. Why now? Did you like someone? Why would you lie about that? Why would you lie to your best friend?

Silently, you slapped your forehead. You were such a bad liar and Esme knew you better than anyone. Of course, she knew you were lying, her eyes gave it away.

Why couldn't you tell her the truth?

You felt exactly as she had described.

Because you had these feelings for her.

Those feelings got exposed two weeks later.

Bothered by your lie, Esme couldn’t think about anything else. Did you realize she talked about you? Are you in love with someone?

The two of you didn’t hang out as much as before. It felt weird not seeing each other every day - the blonde always some excuse ready. She didn’t understand her behavior but she felt like that was the only way to protect herself. She didn’t realize that that was the cause of so much pain. Her own pain and yours - she never wanted to hurt you.

When you asked if she wanted to hang out because you missed her, she already had plans.

"Sorry, mum asked me to help in the house today. Maybe tomorrow" she said, not looking in your eyes, her voice higher than usually - she was lying.

"Fine" you replied grumpy, walking away. Why was she lying? Did she not want to be friends with you anymore? Have you done something wrong? The defenders eyes followed you until you were out of sight.

You deliberately walked the longer way home to calm down. Unfortunately it didn't work as your frustration was still very present. It wasn't just the frustration that was bothering you, but the warm feeling that filled your heart when you thought about Esme, even though you were annoyed with her.

You had to talk to her, you couldn’t leave it the way it was at the moment. It not only annoyed you but hurt too.

"Where are you going?" your mother asked as you marched down the stairs, determined to talk to Esme - to get your girl.

"Esme‘s"

-

You knocked on the door like your life depended on it, knuckles already red when finally someone opened it.

"Y/n? What are you doing here?" the person you wanted to see answered, "come in" as she stepped aside, letting you enter her home, your second home.

"Your mum isn’t here" you stated, "you‘re alone at home."

Shamefully, the blonde looked down on the floor, "i am"

"You lied to me"

"I didn’t mean to" the blonde started to walk to her room, not wanting to discuss this with you right in front the front door as one of her family members could come home any second.

Following her, "Why did you?" your voice was quiet, afraid of the answer.

"You lied to me too" she defended herself, pacing around in her room, "why didn‘t you tell me you like someone?" she asked, catching you somehow off guard. You knew that she had caught you lying that day. "Who do you like?"

"You lied to me, because I lied to you, is that what you‘re saying? Esme! What kind of behavior is that?" your voice started to raise, the built up frustration discovering the surface.

"And what is yours?! Since when do you lie? You‘re the worst liar I know!"

"Of course I am! I hate lying, especially to you! It was a reflex" you tried to explain, arms flying wildly around.

"Reflex?" Esme’s voice lowered, not liking the loud shouting atmosphere.

"Yeah" you shrugged your shoulders, your voice dropping quite as well, "I lied because I panicked. And I panicked because the- the feelings you explained, I feel them. For you" your heart stopped beating, your hands shaking, mind spinning. Did you really just admit your feelings?

"I love the way you laugh, I love the way you smile, I love the way you talk about the world, i love that you‘re the most supportive, sweetest and caring person I know. I want to be around you all day long because you make me happy and nervous. I don’t want to be your friend, i want to be much more."

Because loving Esme was the easiest thing to do.

The widest smile appeared on Esme’s face as her eyes shone with so much happiness, "can i take you on a date?" she smiled, stepping closer to you, slowly taking your hands.

Your smile matched hers when you heard her question, "yes please" you answered, standing on your tip toes to press a kiss to her cheek. She blushed furiously in response.

"I really didn‘t mean to lie, i was- jealous of you possibly liking someone that isn‘t me"

Age 17

"Do you want kids in the future?" your girlfriend asked as the two of you laid in the garden, stargazing. Your head rested on Esme‘s shoulder, her arm wrapped around you as your legs tangled together.

"Yes, a boy and a girl" you replied sheepishly, the stars so clear, "the boy as the firstborn, so he can protect his little sister"

The sweet girl giggled "small perfect family" yet secretly loving the idea as she imagined little yous running around.

"Do you ever want kids?" you prompted yourself on your elbow to look at the blonde - she looked breathtaking under the moonlight. "I want everything you want" she was completely lost in your eyes, their sparkle something magical as her hand reached up to brush the loose strand of hair behind your ear. She was falling in love with you all over again.

In that moment, no words were exchanged, the loving looks telling more than words ever could. Leaning down, you pressed your lips against the defenders, the butterflies erupting in your stomach as your cheeks caught fire - nothing could compare to the sweet kisses you shared with Esme.

Loving Esme was the easiest thing to do.

Age 20

Sitting next to Esme‘s family in the family and friends section of the stadium, you waited for the Manchester Derby to start. You were wearing your girlfriends jersey, her name and number across your back which always made her heart melt. You looked so cute in sky blue.

You loved derbies almost as much as Es did, the excitement and enthusiasm radiating off her body weeks before match day.

You cheered for the tall blonde as if you were her biggest supporter - which you were, in fact and always had been.

Every time she won the ball and each clean tackle made your heart swell with pride. That was your girl!

The game was thrilling as City and United had their chances. Games like these were always intense, both teams wanting to show what colour Manchester had.

The game ended in a solid 2-0 win for the sky blues, your girlfriend already happily walking over to you after she had shook hands with her opponents and talked to her friends for a few minutes.

"Hello my love" she smiled, her voice raspy from communicating on the pitch. It made your knees buckle every time.

"Hey my superstar" you grinned, leaning up to kiss her. Immediately, her arms went around your waist, pulling you close as took in the atmosphere.

"Marry me" she whispered, completely dazed "I want you to be my wife"

Confused, you took a step back. Was she high? "Are you messing with me?" you chuckled nervously, eyes darting around her face, searching for any signs of joking.

"No. Seeing you in my jersey, with my name on your back - i want it permanently. I have the ring hidden in my car since months, but it never felt like the right moment. But now it does. I know this isn‘t the way you probably wanted to get propo-" you launched forward, cutting the blonde off as you connected your lips in a public appropriate kiss which was yet passionate.

"Ask me"

"Will you marry me?" she asked, eyes locking with yours at each word.

It didn‘t matter if it was the way you imagined that she would propose,

it didn’t matter that it wasn‘t the way she had planned to propose,

all that mattered was that it was the just two of you.

"Yes!"

And loving Esme was and always had been the easiest thing to do.

Age 26

"Did you ever believe we'd make it this far?"

Three years ago, your beautiful baby boy greeted the world. He looked like a mini version of Esme - blonde hair, eyes sky blue.

He was playing in the sandpit in your garden while Esme and you had an watchful eye over him, her arms wrapped around your stomach, head resting on yours.

"Mama! Mommy! Look!" proudly, he showed you his sandcastle, the boy more interested in building stuff than kicking the ball - Esme had tried often enough to play with him but he just wasn’t a footballer.

"I always believed in us" you replied, melting further in her touch after both of you had answered your son.

"Let me rephrase it, my love. Did you ever think our dreams would come true?"

Her fingers drummed softly on your pregnant belly, declaring her question.

Your firstborn was a boy, always like you wished for. And in not even two months, your baby girl would greet the world - the fairytale you always wanted.

"Yes, because loving you was the easiest thing to do."

#esme morgan #esme morgan x reader #manchester city x reader #man city x reader #manchester city women #woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso #lionesses #engwnt #engwnt x reader #lionesses x reader

[oneofthetorturedpoets]

keep on pretending pretty girl.

part 2

It's been three months since you and Regina started dating. No one knew about it and Regina made sure of that. Every rumor she shut down and every whisper she shut up. At first you didn't mind, you actually wanted it too, but then there were rumors that Regina was hooking up with Aaron in the third floor janitorial closet and that worried you. You knew that she dumped Aaron that same day she got with you but you also know that she has a history of cheating. She excuses it as her not knowing she was gay yet, but you're not sure if that's entirely true.

When you got the text that Regina was on her way to her college prep class, you waited about 15 minutes before marching your way up the stairs. With each step, your anxiety grew. Would Regina cheat on you? The thought kept circling your mind.

You reach the door, pulling it open to reveal a dark empty closet. You feel relief fall off of your shoulders. She wasn't lying to you.

-

'come over, we need to talk.' You got the message from Regina, right when you were getting ready for bed. You sighed, texting her back that you'll be right there.

In 20 minutes you were knocking on her front door, waiting to be let in. Regina's mom answers the door, not at all shocked to see you with how often you come over. "Hey girl! How are you? I'm so happy you're here, there was-" Regina is already right there, pulling you away from her mom and up the stairs.

Regina practically throws you on her bed. "I heard you were checking the janitor closets to see if I was cheating on you?" Anger laces her tone.

"I was, I'm sorry, I should've trusted you." You say, the words coming out worse than you want.

She scoffs. "Why didn't you? I haven't done anything for you not to trust me!"

You stand back up. "It's not that I don't trust you! It's the fact that we are hiding our relationship for no good reason!"

She shakes her head, walking to the other side of the room. "You know my status, if everyone found out-" It was your turn to be mad.

"They would what? Make fun of you?" You yell back.

"Yes!" The room fell silent. "wait, I didn't mean it like that" You turn around, walking out of her room. "Y/n, wait." You storm down the stairs.

"Maybe we can work this out when you're not embarrassed of me, Regina." You slam her door, walking to your car.

-

The next day was luckily Saturday so you wouldn't have to see Regina. That didn't stop her from blowing up your phone.

That day you just thought back to every time you interacted with her in school. She would look past you every time you saw her in the hallway. She would make sure to pick you up the next block over so no one saw you two together. She refused to sit next to you in class or be partnered up with you. To everyone else, it looked like she hated you. You knew that you were two very different people but for her to be embarrassed to be seen with you?

-

You saw Regina walking in to school that next Monday. You could tell that she wanted to talk to you but she stopped herself. Clearly still embarrassed by you.

-

Around fifth period, Regina pulled you into one of the closets. "Y/n, please-"

you genuinely laugh at her. "You can't even attempt to talk to me in public still... after our huge fight, nothing has changed? God Regina, you're hopeless." you walk out of the room, Regina follows.

"Y/n, I'm sorry. I am not embarrassed of loving you, I want everyone to see how much I really do love you." Regina pulls you by your wrist, causing you to turn towards her. She tugs you closer, interlocking your lips. You melt into her, all of your anger and sadness washing off of you. Everyone is taking pictures and recording but you couldn't care less. "Please forgive me, y/n. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was embarrassed by you." You just shake your head, pulling her in to kiss you. Glad you're able to kiss her in public and not feel like you're doing something wrong.

-

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#fanfic #fem!reader #my fic #wlw fiction #regina george x reader #renee rapp x reader #renee rapp #regina george x you #regina george #mean girls 2024 #mean girls #mean girls 2004 #mean girls musical

[dark-night-hero]

Imagine being the twin traveller older siblings featuring honkai characters.

Imagine being in one of the planets that the trio, Dan Heng, March 7th and the trailblazer just happened to dropped by upon having some errands to un when they happened to come across you, You who was going planet to planet hopin to find your younger siblings, a twin that have been gone missing for some time now.

Imagine upon interaction, they find you quite intimidating. Your first meeting was after all, not very pleasant but thanks to you managing to put them out of troubles they would have been facing just like their other ventures. This might be the first time they manage to get out of trouble so quickly because of you. That might also be the reason why they somehow come to pursue you into tagging along with them, hoping to help you find the world your younger siblings where.

"You know, I'm starting to keep like I only came here to be the babysitter of this group. I should have taken upon Welt's offer to stay with him back in the express." "Hey! We're not kids!" "Yes, yes. Just a bunch of troublemaking idiots." You laugh as if the four of you aren't basically surrounded and accused of some shit. Then a figure on the corner of your eyes caught your attention but before you could even say a thing, a ball was thrown and a cloud of smoke soon appeared. Oh here goes another fucking trouble.

Imagine being put in a troublesome situation was nothing knew to you. With your younger siblings constantly causing troubles here and there whenever they were to venture another world, you were used to cleaning up their mess, just like who you decided to watch out for these dumbass trio. Looking at near distance as the trio converse happily with each other, talkig about the missions and experiences they have experienced in the other planet you've been through. You cannot help but to stare longingly.

"I hope they aren't too much to handle." It was Welt. "Oh them? Not really." You chuckle, looking to your side to find the man in there. "My siblings were far more troublesome than they are." "Sounds like they messed up alot." "They do... In fact there was this one time were they..."

"Oh fuck." You quickly look down and took a quick step behind Dan Heng. "???" "What's wrong?" The trio looked back worried at you when you urge them to look forward. "I just remember I've been here before." "Is there something that matter about that?" "Yes!" You shouted but quick cover your mouth. You shouldn't have accompanied them in this place. "You see that man in there? That's one of my ex." "Ex???" "Your ex is the Dozing General?!" "Yes! Now hush before he remember me!"

"The kids are rather worried." "Were they? Sweet." You reply with a chuckle. "Are you okay?" "I... I am okay." You sigh before looking away from the endless stars outside the express. "Are you sure?" Welt asked, eyes meeting yours that seems to bring comfort into you. "I... I'm just worried about my siblings. I had this feeling... I kept feeling off nowadays... I'm worried that something bad happened to them..." You said with a rather defeated sigh before once again looking back to the stars. "It makes me wonder if things would have been different if I came with them when they asked me too. They're not kids anymore, but still, having me with them might bring some difference, you know? If only I wasn't stubborn maybe I would know where they have gone to. If only..." "Hey, I'm sure they're alright. Okay? They're safe. We'll find them soom enough, okay?"

Imagine it was finally the time to say goodbye. With the trio and Welt sending you off, you smile at them before chuckling. "It was nice meeting you all." "Do you really have to go?" "Really March? Of course they have to go." "But do they really need to go?" Trailblazer pout causing you to laugh. "Yes kiddo, unfortunately I need to go, alone this time." Turning away from the trio. "I'll get going now. Please do send her my regards and apologies for parting without her on sight." "Alright. May you have a great journey ahead of you."

Imagine feeling your siblings closed by, although there was no visible planet on sight. You knew where they are. You've been there before after all, so who would have ever thought that that is where they have gone by. Why Teyvat of all world to choose from? That world is quite, complicated. Bounded by some unwanted rules and principles. And by the looks of it, given their scattered energy, your gut feeling was right to feel like something was off from the moment you lost contact with them.

Imagine with a little bit of regret but endless of good memories you have. You smile at them and bid your goodbye for the last time saying, "If chances permits I'd be happy to come aboard again." And then you disappeared. Only to appear as another falling star on the land of teyvat.

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2023°

: Now I want to make a whole ass ff story about this. A genuine cross over but I barely played honkai and barely know about it's lore sjhfjsjshksjdhdjsk so yeah, did I fucked up or nah?

#dark night hero #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin traveler #honkai star rail jing yuan #honkai star rail imagines #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #honkai jing yuan #honkai imagines #honkai welt #honkai dan heng #honkai trailblazer #honkai march 7th #honkai star rail dan heng #honkai star rail trailblazer #honkai star rail welt #honkai star rail march 7th #hsr welt #hsr x reader #hsr imagines #welt x reader

[shelbgrey]

Not many people write for Twilight anymore! I'd love to see the Cullens(separate) with a mate that has a young child in her care. Could be her own or she adopted the child when her parents(family friends of hers with no other family) passed away. Thinking she'd be about 18 and the kid is 2 yrs old. Please and thank you!!!

Cats in the cradle(Cullen family)

Paring: mother!Reader X OC!Child, Mate!Reader X Cullens(separate)

Carlisle cullen:

You had a son named Jason from a previous relationship. His father is a good dad but the relationship between you and him didn't end well.

Carlisle first interaction with Jason was when he broke his arm on the playground and had to get a cast.

When you and carlisle do start your relationship carlisle works hard to be a good father figure and you can tell he genuinely cares for him.

Like I said before his real dad is a good dad but he's not around much which causes Jason to he closer to carlisle is some ways.

If your son is in Marching band or sports, what ever the case is carlisle will go see your son do what he dose best.

Carlisle would do anything for your kid. He wants to play baseball he'll teach him, he wants to watch a movie carlisle would build a theater room for him. Carlisle spoils him.

Carlisle protects him and you both from the supernatural world as long as he can.

Carlisle asked Jason what he thought about marrying you and Jaosn was over the moon excited. He got to be carlisle best man and everything.

Jason will call him pops or old-man.

As he gets older he'll start wanting to be around Carlisle more and even wants to go to medical school like him.

Emmett cullen:

Your the oldest Clearwater sibling and you have a five year old sister named Lily who turned five when your dad died.

She's been around Emmett since she was two and she's always loved him. At first Emmett would be scared to be around her or hurt her.

It didn't matter to her cus' she'd always follow him around when she was with you guys.

She'll always want to play games with him and help work on cars with him.

She thinks he's a giant and thinks of him as a big brother.

When Harry died all she wanted to do was be around you guys. At the funeral Emmett held her as she cried.

Emmett always knows how to make her laugh. You can't take those two anywhere 😂

Those two have millions of inside jokes

Edward cullen:

You Became a teen mom unexpectedly and the father of your daughter Phenox couldn't care less.

You we're embarrassed to tell your new boyfriend Edward about the situation, not about your daughter(you loved everything about her) but mostly the stuff leading up to your bundle of joy.

Edward didn't care and wanted to be a the father to her like Carlisle had done for him.

Sometimes he'll do the wrong thing with good ententions. Like if your daughter wants to watch a horror movie he'll let her so she's happy. The down fall is her nightmares. He'll balme himself for a couple of days and keep apologizing to you both.

She loves to when he reads to her. His voice is calming in her opinion.

He's very over protective.

Her mind makes him laugh. It's always thinking of something joyful or silly.

At some point she calls him dad and he's over the moon about it. The family has never seen him so happy.

Jasper Hale:

About two years into your relationship your aunt and uncle died unexpectedly. They left behind your three year old cousin Lucas, and thats where you and Jasper come in.

When you got the call about becoming his legal guardian you didn't hesitate. Jasper was a little nervous about, but he wasn't gonna say no.

When you first brought him home Jasper had no idea what to do, he's never been around a kid that age before. Maybe Renesmee but she was only three for about four days and he was gone all that time.

Lucas settled in with the family quickly and over time Jasper and him grew super close.

Lucas loves history so he's always wanting war stories from Jasper.

Jasper would do anything for the kid and thinks he's the only pure thing in his life.

He strives to be a better person because of Lucas.

And Jasper thinks lucas is his kid no matter if they Share the Same blood or not.

Esme Cullen:

Esme is a mother at heart so she immediately took your two year old son under her wing.

She loves Danny with all her heart and felt she finally had a family.

Danny loves helping her with anything and everything. He just wants to be around her.

Sometimes you joke Danny loves her more than you.

Danny calls her mommy and you mama.

He feels so lucky to have two amazing moms like you two.

Rosalie Hale:

You Became the Gardian of your little brother Tom after your parents lost him through CPS. Knowing how awful your parents are you immediately brought him home with you to the Cullen.

Carlisle said he could move in mean he'd be around Rose more often. Rose always wanted to be a mom so she immediately took the roll as the amazing step-mom

She always wants to babysit and take care of him. She'll get him anything that his heart wants.

She'll read to him every night and if he wants to sleep your guys bed he will.

Tom loves her and thinks of her as a amazing step mom but still sees you as his sister. When he got older you explained everything to him. After that he didn't care and still saw you guys as his care givers and loving parents.

Alice Cullen:

Can't say much about this one. You have a Son named Owen and it was totally unexpected when Alice started dating you.

She's not awful to him at all it's just she doesn't know how to interact with him.

They have small talk if it's just the two of them but other than that is not fun to be together with out you.

Over time the two got used to each other but at the same time the two bickered.

Alice truly dose love him like her own son but doesn't know how to show it. She's protective and over time it annoys Owen.

You and Alice have had fights about owen but it's never serious. Owen and Alice relized they had to learn to live together if they want to be with you so they did.

Other than that Alice and owen are cool with each other, they're just not as close as you wished they were.

#Carlisle cullen x reader #Esme cullen x reader #Emmett cullen x reader #Rosalie Hale x reader #Edward cullen x reader #Alice cullen x reader #Jasper Hale x reader #Twilight imagines #twilight headcanons #cullen family x reader #cullen family #Cullen family imagines #Cullen headcanons

[seetangus]

How about azula realizing she really likes the reader after they take a life-threatening injury for her?? Love me some angst

Fiery Care - Azula x Reader os

[masterlist]

Azula x gn reader, tw: blood, heavy injury

1.340 words, please tell me if you find any mistakes!

I hope I got the request right, enjoy :)

No-one had prepared you for this. Rocks were being thrown at you by an earthbender, accompanied by the combined magic of a waterbender, the treacherous, disgraced prince, some incompetent boy with a sword and the Avatar himself.

You had trained firebending a lot, because, even considering that you were born into them, one only got accepted in the upper circles of the fire nation if one was a good fighter, but normally you were kept far away from any actual, real fights by your family, as they valued you - or rather your appearance; they wouldn't want their "little prodigy" to enter the service under the fire lord with any "flaws" that originated from missteps in battles.

However, you had insisted on taking part in this battle for a very special reason.

< • ◇ • >

A few hours earlier:

Azula walked, or rather marched, through the courtyard, straight towards you. That was a very rare sight and an unnerving one too, as you had long been plagued by strong unrequited feelings towards the princess. You quickly arranged your armour to look even more orderly and clean than it already was, acting with a nervousness and anticipation that would have told anyone who saw you that it was not just, like with anyone else, fear, that Azula ignited in you, but also some much warmer feelings.

Well, it might have told anyone, but Azula wasn't anyone, was she?

Her two friends who always escorted her probably knew, but that was no matter to worry about as they seemed pretty reasonable and pitied you, because of your feelings, to a degree at which they didn't feel the need to worsen your emotional state anymore by telling Azula about your feelings.

Now Azula stopped pretty close in front of you - she could probably feel the heat your reddened face emitted, but she did not seem to care.

"Y/N. Our scouts have tracked down the Avatar. We will leave in a few minutes to confront him and his companions. Father says it would be a good first fight for you, but honestly I don't care wether you accompany us as it likely won't make any difference. So you can stay here if you want to."

With much more energy than fitting you immediately responded that there could be nothing more delightful for you than joining her in battle. Ty Lee grinned at you from behind Azula, making you blush even harder.

Azula seemed unimpressed at your enthusiasm, but you didn't care. What mattered was that you would be close to her - or at least closer to her than normally - for a little while.

Also, you should be able to convince your parents to let you go if you mentioned that the fire lord himself thought that it was a good idea.

< • ◇ • >

Well, maybe the reason you took part in the battle wasn't even that special. You wanted to impress Azula, that was about it. A pretty dumb thought, if you thought about it - she was more or less infallible, how was one, especially you, to impress her?

However, there was not much time to think about such matters, as the attacks coming from the people you were facing seemed to become faster by the second.

You dodged a fire bolt the filthy traitor prince sent towards you and melted a stone that flew towards you mid air, freeing you up for just one moment of looking around the battlefield.

The first thing you noticed was dramatic. A whip made from sharpened, magical water made its way to Azula and she, who was in any other moment completely aware of her surroundings, was just preparing to defend against an attack from the Avatar-boy - she could get killed by that whiplash!

From one moment to another, your brain was deactivated and your protection-instincts, and maybe a bit of love, took over: in an enormous leap you rushed over to Azula - for one moment, everything was red and pain, but soon relieving darkness enclosed you.

---

With an enormous wave of wind, the Avatar ripped two small trees out of the earth, throwing them at Azula. She laughed at that pathetic attempt to seize her, igniting the wood with such fire that only a drizzle of ashes arrived at her position. But that ominous rain not only consisted of the remains of the burned trees, but also of blood.

She quickly looked around herself to see from where the scarlet liquid could originate - the first thing she found was the origin of the terrible act: the waterbender-girl was retrieving a thread of water she had been bending for it to become sharp and deadly into the bottle she always carried around.

Continuing her search, she found, or rather stumbled upon you. You laid unconciously besides her feet, your shoulder bleeding furiously. Considering that you hadn't stood there a few moments ago and in which direction the whip had been flying, it did not take long for Azula to realise the whiplash had been meant for her.

Driven back by a continuously growing amount of fire nation soldiers, the Avatar and his partners fled the battlefield, giving Azula an oppertunity to lean down to you and inspect your barely breathing body further. The more she realised what had happened, the more irrational feelings rushed through her head.

Naturally, everyone would sacrifice themselves for her, right? She was Azula. She really should not feel bad for you, it had been your duty to save her. In fights, things like these happened. You had to live (or not, in some cases) with it.

Yet, she could not help telling the healers who soon arrived to be extra careful with you if they did not want to experience her wrath.

She also couldn't keep herself from waiting outside the healer's tent, anxiously expecting the moment you would leave it. You would leave it, after all. She demanded you did. There was simply no way you couldn't.

And, what was maybe the worst of all, your face did not want to leave her mind. The face she had seen so many times on the courtyard and that she had always taken for granted - and that had not lost any of its beauty even when tainted through your own dark blood.

Given the size of your wound the process of healing was a long and exhausting one, but each day Azulas hope of seeing you again grew with the increasingly positive reports of the healers she ordered them to bring her.

Quite a few times had Ty Lee told Azula, in a very subtle manner, that it was quite unusual for her to think about someone this much. To care about them, even. That it almost seemed as if she liked you.

Naturally, Azula refused to give such assumptions any credit. Romantic fantasies like this were for children, and she was the very confident princess of the fire nation, not some toddler, wasn't she?

Of course she had to admit that she valued your wellbeing a little bit more than everyone elses, but her liking you? How absurd. Ridiculous, even.

Anyways, the only thing she seemed to do the following days beside worrying about you was to emphasize that she did not in any way worry about you at all. Oh, she couldn't wait for the day you left the hospital so that she could ask you some serious questions about what you did to make her think about you.

When the day of your releasememt from the hospital came, though, any questions were quickly forgot. Alone the sight of your face made her see everything she could have ever asked for.

You too could not believe your luck when Azula was the first person to greet you after leaving the hospital; her inviting you to sit beside her at the royal dinner that evening exceeded all your dreams.

She stepped closer towards you, and your heart fluttered when you saw the same look in her eyes that you had been giving her for a long time.

#azula x reader #atla #atla x reader #azula #azula x y/n #atla azula #azula avatar #azula x gn reader #x reader #anon #avatar the last airbender

[shanastoryteller]

Happy pride! Can I request god!percy or dealers choice

Aziraphale is a hostage and he doesn't even know it.

There must always be a Supreme Archangel in Heaven.

The Ineffable Plan is shit and it was shit from the start and Crowley doesn't feel a lick of guilt in the part he played in destroying it. Humanity deserved a fighting chance, after all, and they'd made good on it - Adam, a boy after his own heart, had made the choice to save them all.

Crowley had not created the universe only to watch Her destroy it. That was always Her problem, really. Great big ideas and piss poor execution. Which is why She'd give him a long list of impossible ridiculous things and he would work out how to make that make sense in a world where sense is a thing that had to be made.

Eden was a trial run, one of many. Making people in Her own image was proving difficult, because She didn't know what She looked like and had always been resistant to hearing Herself described.

She'd made Adam in the angel's image, and Eve, and it looked like She'd finally made a successful prototype.

Then they'd fought over what was to be made of Earth, of the people, of all the things he'd made in the vastness of space. If there's no people to tilt their heads back and look at it, what's the point of making it? If galaxies exist, but they evoke no wonder, are they even there?

He had decided to make things difficult. He had decided that if humanity was going to go toe to well, metaphorical toe with Her, then they needed an edge.

They needed Knowledge.

His sentencing had been swift and unanimous and he wasn't going to be a 38th level recording angel scrivener, thank you very much. They'd talked and talked about how terrible the PR would be, over another prince of Heaven falling to Hell, and how difficult he was making everything and how extremely bitter they were that he, as a writer in the Book of Life, could not be erased from it without also erasing everything he'd done, which was rather a lot. Pages eleven to three million six hundred and two, to be exact.

So he had not fallen, precisely, so much as sauntered vaguely downwards.

Which he felt was rather obvious, and yet no one seemed to notice, the same way he was able to march back into Heaven with a clothing change. He was impossible, and so he could not exist, and so he did not.

He had wings and he could perform miracles indistinguishable from an angel's and yet no one ever suspected a thing.

He'd though that maybe he would be made when he walked onto holy ground to bail out Aziraphale, but luckily angels don't often seen demons walking into churches. Usually because that's about when they catch fire.

Which suited him just fine, actually. It had all worked out, more or less, until now.

Saraqael had not forgotten him and didn't even try and tell him off for walking right into Heaven. Michael and Uriel's silence had been odder, but he'd had more important things to focus on at the time.

Now he understands why.

They want a new Plan and She isn't giving them one.

The Metatron knows there is one angel who worked alongside Her in the universe's creation. One angel who successfully interfered in Her plans and knocked things astray. One angel who's hands rested besides Hers on the Book of Life.

They don't want Aziraphale to lead.

They want the Archangel Raphael back in his rightful place, the Supreme Archangel, and they want him to once more muck about in Her plans and give them the war they're craving.

And they know going through Aziraphale is their only chance, the one person that could tempt Crowley into taking up his old name and his old mantel and stepping foot once more in blasted Heaven with his halo around his head rather than tattooed along his face.

They have Aziraphale.

Now Crowley can only wait and hope that he figures out the truth in time, before he's forced to defy Aziraphale like he once defied Her.

#finally got around to watching good omens season 2 and i have big feelings #prompt answers #prompts are closed #asks #drwho-ess #good omens

[the-offside-rule]

Lando Norris (McLaren) - Did She? Ft. Oscar Piastri

Requested: yes

Prompt: 44) "Give me another chance."

Warnings: angst, rivalry (which is fictional), sad ending

Lando had stormed into the paddock, frustration etched across his face and rage very evident in his eyes. Oscar however, followed, a smug grin playing on his lips. The press had been around them, taking photos and undeniably thinking of the catchy headlines they would be using for their insufferable articles. They quickly made their way into the McLaren hospitality. "What the hell was that, Oscar?" Lando snapped, trying to keep his voice down in an attempt to not attract too much attention. "Relax, Lando. It's just racing." Oscar replied, his tone nonchalant. "Just racing? You practically pushed me off the track!" Lando retorted, his eyes blazing with anger. Oscar chuckled. "Well, maybe you shouldn't be so easy to push around." He patted his teammates back. Lando pushed the Australian's hand away.

A few of the mechanics stood up in case they needed to intervene. "Maybe don't be a dick and just admit you had to cheat to stop me from passing!" Oscar arched a brow. "I mean, I had to fend of Y/n too. I don't-" Oscar noticed how Lando's face had changed once he mentioned the Aston Martin driver. Oscar chuckled. "Is this because Y/n chose me over you, mate?" Oscar smirked, knowing he had hit a nerve. "No. This is about you pushing me off the track."

Y/n and Lando had been insepersble the whole winter break and then suddenly once testing had begun, Oscar swooped in and took her. It annoyed Lando but considering him and Y/n agreed there wasn't anything going further than their winter fling, he had hoped it would turn into a spring fling and then a full blown relationship. "Well sorry Lando. I just don't believe you. I think it's over the fact that Y/n chose me."

"Did she?" He had practically squared up to his teammate now. The pair had been glaring at one another. Oscar raised an eyebrow, reveling in the opportunity to provoke his rival further. "Oh, she did. Believe me, she did." Lando clenched his jaw, struggling to maintain his composure. "It didn't seem like that last weekend mate, but whatever you think."

Oscar leaned in, his grin widening. "Sure, Lando. Keep telling yourself that." As the pit of jealousy grew deeper, Lando couldn't help but question his feelings. Was it about the race or something more personal?

Y/n stood in the media pen, smiling and laughing away at her good result. "I mean, obviously I couldn't have done it without the team. I just think I was incredibly fortunateto have the McLarens both occupied with eachother. That way I could-"

"Hey, can I grab you for a minute?" Y/n jarred to see Lando marching towards her, looking both determined and angry. "Im in the middle of an interview-"

"I don't care. Come on." Y/n looked back between her PR manager and the interviewer but soon found herself being pulled along to somewhere a bit more private; in between trucks. "What's this about? Im a busy girl." Y/n asked, slightly concerned. "Did you choose Oscar over me for a reason?" He asked, his vulnerability exposed. "Really? You pulled me away to talk about Oscar?" Lando nodded. "Oh yeah, because I'm after nearly ripping his fucking head off. Now please, just answer me." Y/n sighed. "Lando, it's not about choosing. Relationships are complicated, and I can't be reduced to a prize to be won."

Lando looked at her in disbelief. "When did you become a prize? It was meant to just be us and that was it. A quiet winter fling." He protested. "Lando, it's April. The winter is long over. I thought you would have moved on." She walked away, leaving Lando to just watch her. "Can you give me another chance?" She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face him, her expression a mix of sadness and rage. "Lando, I don't think we should have even started this." Lando's heart sank, and he swallowed hard, unable to mask the pain in his eyes. "Why? What did I do wrong?"

Y/n took a deep breath, her gaze unwavering. "It's not about what you did wrong. It's about what I need." His brows furrowed, confusion evident in his eyes. "And what do you need that I can't give you?" Y/n hesitated before speaking, her words laced with regret. "I need someone who understands the pressures of this world, Lando. Someone who shares my passion for racing." He scoffed. "I am a driver. I share your passion, i understand the pressure. What more do you want from me?!" Y/n hesitated before answering. "I don't want anything from you! I like you, but I can't ignore the differences. Oscar and I, we just connect on a different level." Lando clenched his fists, the pain evident in his expression. "So, what, I wasn't enough for you?"

"It's not about you not being enough, Lando. It's about finding someone who complements me in a different way." Y/n explained, her voice tinged with regret. Lando scoffed, his disbelief turning into bitterness. "Complements you? Or is it just about the thrill of someone new?".Y/n looked away, unable to meet his accusing gaze. "Listen, dickhead. I ended it because I didn't want this from the start, I ended it when I did because I didn't want to hurt you!"

"But you did," Lando whispered, his voice filled with resignation. He wiped his eyes of the few tears that fell. Y/n reached to help, but he pushed her hand away. "Is he what you want, then?" Lando's voice cracked with emotion, his fear of the answer palpable. Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat, her silence speaking volumes. "I don't know, Lando. But right now, he is." The words hung heavy in the air, sealing their fate with an unspoken finality. Lando's chest tightened with despair, his heart shattered into a million irreparable pieces. "I'll go." She wanted to reach for him, but she refrained. How could she stand there, denying her love for him then to turn around and grasp him.

As for Lando, in that moment, he knew that some wounds never truly healed, and some loves were destined to remain forever beyond grasp.

#f1 blurb #f1 imagine #f1 oneshot #lando norris x you #lando norris x oc #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris imagines #lando norris one shot #lando norris blurb #lando norris #formula one x reader #formula one x you #formula one x y/n #formula one x oc #oscar piastri x oc #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri fanfic #oscar piastri one shot #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri

[weird-is-life]

would you be okay writing some general hotch x fem!reader comfort fic then? maybe some officer makes an off comment about her and she's just upset about that?

Ty for this request, love🥰! Hope this is okay, warnings: use of y/n, use of pet names, s*xist comments towards reader - harassment, angsty (0.7k)

Aaron finds you hidden behind a big pile of files in the precinct. At first, he doesn't notice, that something is wrong. But as he nears closer, the red eyes and puffy cheeks are obvious.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" he immediately  comes to stand next to you, his hand squeezes your shoulder in comfort.

"Nothing, don't worry about it...." you mumble out and you are out of the room before he can say anything else.

So Aaron goes to Spencer for the answers. He was the one who stayed at the precinct with you. He corners Spencer and demands to know what happened.

Spencer refuses to tell him at first, because he's promised you he wouldn't say anything, but he eventually breaks.

"Fine okay," he sighs, " some of the officers made some rude comments towards us, but mainly towards y/n."

"What? What did they say" Aaron's suddenly looks so angry, that Spencer has to will himself not to back away from him.

"They said, that they don't understand why we are even here, if we just sit here all day and do nothing. They basically called us useless and...." Spencer hesitates.

"And?"

"They....-i don't know what exactly, because I wasn't there before. But i only heard them say ' more suitable for bed then fbi' right before i interruped them. I also noticed, they've been ogling her the entire time we are here." Spencer finally stops his rambling and he is glad, that he isn't the one that Hotch is angry at, because right now he could kill only with his glare.

"Which ones?" Aaron grits out through his teeth. Spencer tells him the names and that's all Aaron needs to know.

He marches towards them and from then on, the whole precinct can hear his acidic voice filled with rage and disgust towards the officers. His voice is calm and authoritative, and it makes the officers almost shake from it. And finally, after what feels like hours, Aaron leaves.

He would gladly tell them off for much longer, but he's needed at the crime scene.

As soon as he's gone, the officers scramble to their feet to go apologise to you and Spencer, but mainly to you. You both accept their apologies with frowns and an urge to rough them up.

You know immediately, that it was Aaron, that made them come and apologise. So when you get to your hotel rooms at the end of the day, after closing the case, you confront him about it.

You come out of the shower, right when he gets to your shared hotel room.

"Hi, honey," he greets you first, eyes all soft as he looks at you, scanning for any hint of hurt or crying.

"Hi," you groggily respond, giving him a small smile.

He comes towards you and waits for you to reach out first. Which you do, almost instantly. You hug him tightly, needy for his touch.

"You didn't have to do that, Aaron," you whisper against his chest. You don't need to say more, because he knows what you mean straight away.

"But I did, they had no right to talk to you like that, no fucking right. And i want you to know, that whatever those assholes said is not true. Please, don't believe them even for a second. You are a great agent, you belong to fbi, despite what those stupid idiots think, " he says, anger still very present in his voice.

You don't respond, but he can feel you tense up and nod. " Sweetheart, are you okay? Did they do something else? Because if they did , I swear I will-"

"I'm...-I'm okay, now that you are here. And-and no, they only said that," you interrupt him, your voice quiet as you think about the officer's words.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he whispers, anger evaporating slowly. His focus shifting entirely just on you and on making sure, that you are okay. His hands around you go a little bit tighter, hugging you close.

"No, b-but can we-" you start.

"Anything," Aaron reassures you and gives you a gentle kiss on the top of your head.

"Can we just go lay down?"

"Definitely, honey. Le me just change my clothes, yeah?" he steals one more quick kiss from you before he departs for the shower.

And when he finally joins you in the bed, you spend the night cuddling . You also fall asleep to sweet words being whispered into your ear by Aaron, that are every now and then exchanged for warm kisses from him, everywhere he can reach.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaron hotchner angst #aaron hotchner

[eydi-andrius]

Can you keep it up? [Miguel O'Hara x Reader]

cw/tw: flirty reader, bashful and irate Miguel, reader doesn't know boundaries, other spiderman/woman used to it and she's 100% supported by them, Lyla being her supportive AI ;)))), Unedited. Written on mobile. I just wanted to write this out of my system.

summary: Just you flirting your way to Miguel's pants' attention.

a/n: very self-serve fic. i understand if some lines would be cringey but that wasn't the point. the point is for Miguel to notice you or idk be tired of your antics. getting his attention is a win-win whether it was positive or negative. 😆

🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️

Does he know he's so hot when he walks that way?

You pouted as you watched Miguel walk towards Miles. Sitting leisurely on your makeshift web hammock, you watched how his firm muscle moves on his tracksuit and how it fits him perfectly. The tight leather wrapped his tempting body so beautifully and deliciously. His hips so small for a burly man, which you liked.

And please, don't get started with those sinful huge chests of his. It's so full, that you know if he cuddles you, he will swallow you whole. Not that you mind though.

For you, he is the perfect definition of tall, dark and handsome.

The only thing that was a turn off about him was his irate attitude. Yet, it's all right, you like your men with a bit of a challenge.

You know you should focus on whatever the reason why you were called by Lyla. Miguel never calls for you unless he is in a pinch. In fact, he called for everyone so it must have been an emergency. You kinda envy Lyla because she probably asked Miguel to say the word, "please" and teased him for it when he did admit he needed help. Maybe you should ask if she recorded it?

Well, the most important thing was, you're finally close to him again! It has been a while since you were allowed to be near him. When was it? Who cares really. He’s hotter now though. The temptation to climb him is back again. Well, the idea never left you in the first place.

—--

“You are staring way too much, girl." A static voice suddenly appeared near your left ear and you couldn't help the sigh of longing you have been holding out for quite some time.

"I know right? I'll do everything just to touch it. But we both know he will throw me away if I do something drastic again. Just like last time." You blinked and pouted as you watched how the fat muscle of his ass moved so hypnotizingly.

"Yeah true. I still wonder how you liked the guy though. His attitude is way less charming now compared to before." You two sighed in agreement.

"'Can you two, please stop talking about my behind when I'm literally just in front of the two of you?" He grumbled in annoyance as he showed his fangs in your direction.

"Can you say "Please" one more time, honey?" You gave him your best spidey puppy eyes. If he’s trying to intimidate you, well, it is working. Obviously, not the way he intended to.

All he replied was a disgusted, frustrated groan and marched away while dragging Pavitr. Probably to talk somewhere you can't look freely on his package.

How selfish, Mr. O’Hara.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wonder if Miguel will agree to princess carry you if you pay him a hundred bucks? Paying more is an option too. You’re not that stingy.

Maybe you should try asking him about it. Later? Tonight? Or probably after the mission?

Little did you know, Miguel has been calling your name while you were inside your head thinking of many ways you can make Miguel agree with your requests.

Your brows furrowed, eyes looking from afar. The spiderman with fangs can’t help but facepalm.

He can’t help but think that maybe it was wrong of him to request your assistance for this mission.

However, even though you were weird. And way into him, especially, his back and his ass. You worked way better than the other spiderman and spiderwoman. He used to hate you for being lazy and way too lax.

Yet, your method of working is 100% effective and easier than how he does his stuffs.

He has no choice but to do it.

He walked towards you until he was standing in front, less inches than he usually allows you to. He coughed to get your attention one last time, but you were way preoccupied and busy with whatever was inside your head.

He breathed in and with full strength held your shoulders and shook you. A normal person would probably die. However, doing it this way was the only effective way he knew to wake you up from your fantasies.

You screamed in terror and he was obligated to stop when you punched his hands holding your shoulder.

He was worried that he might have overdone it and he scared you. He just needed your attention and not scared you to death.

But little did he know that you screamed not because of terror but of surprise.

Miguel is in mere inches in front of you, holding your shoulders. You can practically smell his rich smell.

You are such a lucky girl.

Maybe he shook you way too hard but the only word you blurted out after a pregnant pause was……

“You are so fucking hot.” You uttered without blinking.

The collective of spider people sighed in relief. They were also worried that Miguel had made you stupid after that shake but you seem back to normal and functioning quite well.

“Gwen, you’ll go with me.” He grumbled and jumped without further ado.

Gwen was confused for a second but followed suit.

“Hey wait! Did you ask me to go with you!? HEY!” You followed closely behind them but failed when the entrance closed just after they jumped.

“Oh girlie, sometimes you gotta get out of your head when the prize is literally mere inches of you.”

Jessica shook her head and said those words with a grin. You were left flabbergasted when you realized you soiled your chance to work closely with Miguel because you daydream way too much.

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x y/n #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara imagine #miguel o'hara fluff #miguel o'hara fanfiction #spiderman 2099

[taylor-titmouse]

2023 Book Retrospective

it's pretty much the end of the year, and i've never done this before, but i wanted to take a look at what i managed to do in 2023 and share some of my thoughts on it! i published five novellas this year (though i didn't actually write one of them) plus the public release of the demo and first huge update to You're A Mage on Monsterfuck Mountain. that's a lot!

so let's dig into all that. this will contain some spoilers for the books, because it's hard to talk about them without talking about what's in 'em, so maybe check out my itchio first and grab anything you missed! (but also.... perhaps wait until this weekend before you buy anything. shh.)

You're A Mage on Monsterfuck Mountain, released in March

TECHNICALLY, the demo was finished and available on patreon around the end of last year, and didn't become public until I'd finished the garden update, which i did finish this year. and what a massive fuckin THING that was. 60k words! 50 illustrations!! the biggest thing i ever put out and technically finished, and the beginning of a move to being less afraid of writing "weird" sex. there was so much bee sex in it. arguably too much bee sex in it. which i'd left entirely til last to do which meant i was writing nothing but bee sex for weeks.

this was the first time i let myself really indulge in writing dubcon for the bad endings, and it was a lot of fun. very often it was more interesting than the deliberately horny routes, because it meant writing a way to be put in the situation, and also making it hot every time. i'm very much of the philosophy with dubcon that even if the situation wasn't Ideal for the character, they're still going to get good sex out of it. i believe i put it at another point as, i'm here to write the pleasure of helplessness, not suffering. to that point, the dubcon endings for the armor, the dryad, and the queen bee were my favorite bits from this.

the fact i never got a second update out this year is a big regret. i finished a bunch of the routes for it, but ultimately i wanted to have things i could release! shortly after publishing the demo and update, i officially put my webcomic on hiatus so i could focus more on my graphic novel, and also spend more time on my writing. having that extra time is probably the only reason i was able to write as much as i did this year, and i didn't want to spend it toiling away on a serial project i couldn't release for months at a time.

which leads us to the release of my first novella of the year...

House of the Risen King, released in April

now this is when i truly said "i'm just going to write what i think is hot and interesting and not worry about how it's perceived!!" and went whole hog on exhibitionism and monster dubcon cult horror. house was mostly inspired by the ending of Hereditary, and was originally going to be more poltergiesty and played more straight, with vee being harangued by a bunch of horny ghost-demons and nothing more sinister than that. but i've had cult shit percolating at the back of my brain forever, and i wanted to play with ideas i'd first developed in shadow in the shelves with rituals and shadows, so here we are! the scene of hettie fingering vee in the bathtub while vee's god-fucked out of her mind is my favorite.

fun fact, the original seed for this book was actually going to feature max and mortis, my photographer/model couple (that link goes to cohost because i wasn't posting here yet when i was drawing them the most). the idea was they'd go do an urban exploration shoot and mortis would start getting fucked by a ghost while max filmed it, but the more time i spent with those characters the less i wanted to involve the supernatural. which meant i never wrote their book, and had to make a new character to do the idea. and then it wasn't even that idea anymore.

that's writing, folks

Roger Crenshaw: The Dogs at Duskfall, released in June

... which makes it ironic that the next book is one i didn't even write! r/l monroe @mortalityplays has been my friend for years, and was my editor for a long time (until he got a REAL JOB and didn't have TIME to edit anymore. sobs, cries, kicks a stone and walks into the distance). he's also always been an incredible writer, and for my birthday this year i asked him to write me something. i asked with the expectation of a little short story about our old tabletop RP characters, or a fanfic scene for one of my books he'd edited.

and then he wrote me 20,000+ words digging into the character of roger crenshaw and who he is that perfectly summed him up and tied all his stories together, such that i don't think i ever need to write another one. he did it, he wrote the perfect ending to roger. AND he did it using my favorite of his ocs from our tabletop campaign, AND there's some really hot and sweet smut in it. AND HE DID IT IN LIKE TWO WEEKS.

i loved it so much that i asked if i could illustrate and publish it as an official novella, and to my delight he agreed, and it was so so nice to collaborate with him on it. even if it meant beating our heads against the wall for 30 minutes about the placement of certain images on the page.

this was a great tragedy. i'd drawn the vagina one first, but an image earlier in the book had to be moved, which affected the placement of everything else. the vagina image had been perfectly at the start of a new page, and then suddenly it wasn't. so i had to do the penis one instead for better placement. tragic!!!

it's hard to pick a favorite scene in something written entirely, lovingly for you. how can i choose between the characters' pitch perfect semantic arguments on the nature of folk lore, the millenium princess-ass memory hopping, or the really really hot smut? i can't. i love it all. thank you r/l for being so good at what you do and writing this for me, i'll treasure it always.

The Dragon Double Feature, released in May

apparently this came out in may, and not july. i don't know why i've been convinced this came out in july. oh well i can't be bothered to insert it on top of the roger one.

anyway. THIS book. this book exists because i believe at the time i was a bit blocked, and wanted to just write SOMETHING. for a long time i've had the idea of a dragon wrecking a princess' wedding and fucking her in front of the congregation just sitting in my back pocket. it was the 'i know i could just slam this out if i wanted. i don't have to care about it it's just sex and then it's done' fallback idea, and i finally did it!

and then it was too short. i don't like the idea of publishing anything less than 10k words for full price, so i was like. okay. alright. i've always thought fucking an eastern dragon would be hot and have this other idea i was going to use for roger (back when i had an idea for every monster possible for roger), let's just write that. kenta is only kenta because i took a poll for what body type i should pair with a dragon (he was 'big boy', i think the other options were twink, older woman, and average woman). and i was also Really into the movie inu-oh at the time, which is probably obvious with kenta being a blind musician, lol.

the musician and the waterfall was tougher to write because i didn't have a clear vision of how it should end or even how they should fuck (the mechanics of fucking long noodle dragon have challenged me for years) but i'm ultimately pleased with it. it would have been a long time since i wrote something sincerely romantic, and it was nice to go back to it. i'm a HUGE romantic at heart.

both stories are pretty much one extended scene so it's hard to pick a favorite moment from them, but i will say i'm very pleased with how i approached writing the musician and the waterfall, specifically in the challenge i set myself to never use visual description kenta couldn't reasonably guess. writing from the POV of a blind man made me focus in on different senses and ways to describe them.

this book is also, as of right now, my best seller. which is great! i love that for me.

The Dragon Double Feature 2, released in July

okay i guess THIS one released in july.

anyway i got stricken with the curse with this one. a lot of people wanted me to write a sequel, but i wasn't going to. and every time i say i'm not going to do something, i end up doing it. it's so annoying. this one only happened because i wanted to write a SHORT! a SHORT extra for patreon describing kenta and wakatake's first time having sex as humans.

and then i wrote too much preamble describing their time on the beach. and then i got emotionally invested in unpacking their actual relationship, and also added a third character with mrs arakawa, and had to bring it all together into a story that was coherent and had something to say about the way they loved and ALSO ended in a THREESOME because WHATS THE POINT OF INTRODUCING A THIRD CHARACTER if they aren't all going to FUCK TOGETHER!!

it was tough. but i'm really, really happy with it in the end, and think it's one of the best things i've ever written. my favorite scene is definitely them playing with the hermit crab on the beach. metaphors babie.

the gundrid/eveline story is fine too. lmao. i NEVER PLANNED TO WRITE ANOTHER WITH THEM!! i only did it because the idea of publishing a sequel to a story from a double feature without writing a sequel to the other half of the feature was insane. and now eveline and gundrid are some of my most beloved characters, to the point of writing another book featuring them...

The Tenebrous Tower, released November

yet another book i'm pretty sure i was like 'i don't need to write this. this character doesn't work for a story on his own, what am i ever gonna do with him' and then i dumped a bunch of fantasy characters into a jar with him and suddenly i had a story. I ONLY MADE ROMICK BECAUSE I WANTED TO DRAW FUCKED UP WIZARD PORN AND MY ONLY OTHER OPTION WAS A GRANDPA!!!

anyway i started writing it as something to do on vacation, and it was just gonna be a bunch of dungeon bdsm vignettes until i hit on a throughline and suddenly i had a story and an emotional arc and damn i did it again. i did it again. i have a book.

i was expecting this one not to do very well because it had multiple prerequisites, but because i am a master of my craft i made sure to write it so you didn't need to read those. and then people read it without reading those. so it worked out anyway and now it's done just about as well as dragons 2. the people love romick, but they especially love the idea of him being destroyed. maybe someday. maybe someday. (except on patreon, where it's already happened)

the final vignette with the doll is, of course my favorite. i think it was a lot of people's favorites.

............................................

and that's everything i published this year! honorable mention to my novel starbuster, which i'd written most of last year, then spent all of october this year revising with the intent of finishing it, only to run out of steam by the time i was done revising it. so it's exactly where i left it last year. just better written. god it would be nice to finish that fuckin thing next year.

my goals for 2024 are, of course: release more books!! i have a big project i've been working on illustrating for the past month that i'd like to release in january, and i've also been working on a spin-off one-shot with mrs arakawa and an oni. i think this coming year i want to Try to blast through some of the one-off ideas i developed this year so they'll quit banging cowbells in my brain. like the sleeping garden. it makes me insane i never actually wrote the sleeping garden.

anyway if you actually made it to the end of this, thank you!! if you've bought all of these books, double thank you!!! i've been able to pay my rent and expenses just with my adult work this year, and it's been amazing and fun and super fulfilling. thank you for supporting me in 2023, here's to a horny 2024!!

#tt talks writing #taylor titmouse

[akutasoda]

if you wanna take the long way?

synopsis - they meet you on their travels and you decide to join them on the road of a nameless

includes - himeko, welt, dan heng, march 7th, stelle

warnings - gn!reader, maybe ooc, fluff, tooth rotting fluff, bittersweet angst, childhood friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, wc - 3.7k

a/n: happy new year! kicking off with my longest post yet. one of my favourite songs atm is 'trailblaze ☆' by cowgirl clue and it reminds me so much of these guys (yes this is inspired by that song)

himeko ★↷

she had probably been travelling on the express the longest. she repaired it atleast and got it running again. and as many challenges it threw their way she still loved it. there was something about travelling throught the stars with people she cared deeply about that really had a place in her heart.

she never really thought much about personal relationships however. she knew the road walked by the nameless was a difficult one. one that allowed for little relationships outside of those actually on the express. but she knew that going into becoming a nameless so it never bothered her that much.

even so, sometimes there coulbe be unavoidable exceptions. that exception being you. she barely left the express, afterall others normally offered up or she would prefer to assist pom pom in the maintenance of the express. but somewhere she would stop off often would be the space station itself.

she enjoyed it's atmosphere and the people there were interesting to talk to, especially asta. but recently asta had introduced you to himeko. and himeko immediately took a shine to you. you were stunning and rather intelligent, two very admirable qualities. and so more often than not she found herself seeking out your company.

so much so that you always were the first to welcome the express back into the station and offer to help with any restocking or maintenance. she found herself growing rather used to your presence and always enjoyed seeing your face when they returned to the space station. so much so that she would miss you on her voyages.

call her selfish but she wished you'd join the express. you had the skills to be a valuable nameless and she'd prefer your presence by her side at all times. but she wouldn't force you. afterall sometimes when she misse d you she would curse herself for building that relationship with you but then she'd justify it because they regularly visited the space station.

but even so, she wanted to atleast ask. so the next time they docked at the space station she searched for you. which wasn't that difficult but then she accompanied you on your tasks and when you asked if the express needed anything she took her shot. she asked if you wanted to join her among the stars by her side.

was it a confession of her feelings or her asking you to join the express? well a bit of both. you were a bit shocked by the request but you really did want to say yes so you asked for some time to think about it. and she respected that.

it was rather cliche, but when the express was readying for another departure, she spotted you heading toward it. she asked of you had chosen and you said yes, you would join her. she couldn't of been happier as she took your hand and took you onto the express.

welt ★↷

he was rather a veteran to the express and it's travels. but he enjoyed the lifestyle led by the nameless, it was weirdly refreshing and provided him a new opportunity to work on his drawings and such. and the company provided was also rather enjoyable.

and going into the life as a nameless he was well aware that relationships outside of the express were short lived and should ideally be avoided. but there was one he had kept. one that he'd had since the start of his trailblazing.

due to the express stopping at the space station for extended periods of time he had met alot of the researchers that worked their. and the one got along the most with was you. you were the head of your field and he admired that.

he always enjoyed your company, you were nice to be around and it never failed to make him crack a smile or two. and he visited you everytime he could which never lead to himeko having to guess where he was.

and recently he had a conversation with you which was more of him telling you about the express's latest adventure. to which you admitted that you were kinda of jealous. you laughed as you went on to explain how sometimes you wished you could join him on the express.

and he felt very tempted to offer you then and there. he would love you to travel alongside of him, that way maybe he could build up the courage to confess. but he knew ot had to be your decision,and maybe you were just joking around. so eventually he bid farewell and left with the express yet again.

and when they next docked, he was very surprised to see you there ready and waiting for him with a big grin upon your face. you told him that if you were allowed, you'd like to join the express and he'd never said yes faster.

he worried about your work at first but very quickly got over it as you explained how you talked it all over with various people on the soace station and they all supported you in your decision to leave, no matter how much they'd miss you.

he pulled you into a tight hug and you reciprocated. he couldn't wait to now live out his lifestyle with the one he cared for most.

dan heng ★↷

when he joined the express, he left much of his old life behind. the parts that he hadn't forgotten he'd force himself to push to the back of his mind and focus on his new life. focus on his future, not his past like he used to always be tormented by.

and he still was tormented by his past in his nightmares but during the day he'd almost forget everything. almost. there was something his mind wouldn't allow him to forget something that was briefly his memory but mainly imbibitor lunae's memory.

and when he returned to the xianzhou those memories were all that could plague his mind. he almost hated himself for blocking out those memories because when they became crystal clear after re-awakening his old form, he knew he had to do something.

during his time as imbibitor lunae he had his main friends in the high cloud quintet. but if he was being brutally honest, his closest friend was you. a rather mischievous long life species such as himself. one that he had know since his youth.

his very first friend was you. you never failed to make him smile or laugh. when he was with you he could be a kid, not the future high elder in training. and thus you took it upon yourself to show him how to act his age by sneaking him out of his training and into the xianzhou to have fun.

and even as he grew into his role as the high elder you still snuck him out. but you were also his number one supporter. but the problem was that he had a slight crush on you. one taht he buried beneath lock and key because as the high elder the time he had for relationships was practically non existent and he knew you deserved better.

you deserve someone that could be there for you twenty four seven and support you in ways he couldn't. it hurt him because he desperately wanted you to be his, call him selfish but it was true. but he never was aware of your feelings towards him and if he was, maybe he'd have the confidence to confess.

but maybe it was for the best. he'd knew you would be hurt by his forced re-incarnation. you'd lose your best friend but he knew it would hurt you more to lose your lover. and even after his rebirth he would be forced to leave. to never see you again. but you simply wouldn't allow that.

you tracked him down before he could leave. he didn't know how or why, but you had one simple request before he boarded the express. and that was to remember you, even if you knew it wasn't your imbibitor lunae anymore. so forgetting you was something he would beat himself up over.

so there was nothing that seemed to stop him asking a request that the express stay a little while longer. he knew that he wasn't who you fell in love with, he wasn't him. but he felt like he'd own you this much. own you for everything you did for imbitor lunae even if that wasn't him.

and finding you was easy, afterall nothing seemed to stop you from hearing of dan hengs return. you caught him off guard really. one minute he was thinking on where to start looking, next minute you nearly tackled him to the floor with the force of your hug.

you expressed how haopy you were to see him and for the first time in ages, he didn't feel like himself. all of a sudden he felt like he was imbibitor lunae not dan heng. he knew it was wrong but even in this life he knew he loved you.

and you didn't seem to care that he wasnt imbibitor lunae. you immediately started talking to him as of it was second nature and you'd been friends for ages. and it was so uncharacteristic for him, but he really couldn't stop himself. as you babbled on about your life, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about you and him.

maybe in this lifetime, he could be the lover that he wasn't before. but he still stopped himself from saying anything, he'd never had a problem telling people that he wasnt him but when it came to you it seemed impossible. and you could still read him like an open book.

you could tell what he was thinking and you smiled at him, god that smile made him weak. you urged him to say what he was thinking and it was like you opened a vault deep inside of him. all his thoughts came spilling out at once.

and before he knew it, he said it. in his random mess of words ranging from 'i know im not him' and 'i know it's not him, but' formed the sentence 'would you forgive me, would you follow me?'. you knew what he was trying to say. and you couldn't of been happier to say yes.

and while he wasn't him, you weren't really you either afterall long life species somerimes undergo rebirths prematurely. so maybe this could be a knew era for you both. a new timeline in a way, everything would be new except the love you had for eachother.

march 7th ★↷

she had around 67 versions of how she came to be. all of which got more and more complex and inventive, but she knew it was her way of dealing with her past. she didn't like to dwell on it's rather unfortunate reality but rather focus on the fun alternatives that she could spend time curating and exploring.

and her lively energy was also her way of forgetting. she was still young! no matter how long she was in that ice and so she was going to live her life to the absolute fullest and enjoy it with the people she cherished most. even if it got rather dangerous at times.

but another aspect to her personality was being rather photogenic and in her opinion, fashionable. so alot of the places she visited with the express, she loved taking photos to remember all the fun times they had on those planets and such. and jarilo-VI seemed like a great photo spot.

but what caught her eye most was in belobog's underground. she caught eye of a rather fashionable looking person talking to natasha. she was immediately curious and she guessed they had some time to kill as stelle and dan heng had already retreated for the night.

she waited for natasha and you to finish talking before she called out. 'march! what a nice surprise, anything the matter?' natasha posed as she smiled at march before march responded simply 'just stretching my legs!' she tirned to face you 'what's your name?' she asked with the biggest smile.

you smiled, her energy was rather contagious and you introduced yourself before natasha interjected 'they often help out at the clinic if their not too busy and im too busy'. you and march immediately got along. so much so neither of you noticed natasha retreating into the clinic as your conversation continued.

you noticed the camera strapped to her outfit and you had an idea. you asked if she was a photographer and she responded with a yes and explained about the express. this intrigued you as in all honesty you were quite bored of the scenery presented to you down here and visiting other places among the stars really appealed to you.

but you thought you were getting ahead of yourself. you offered, if she wasn't busy, to show her some pretty good sights of the underworld. without thinking march agreed. you two had lost track of time by the time you two returned as dan heng and stelle were looking for your new companion. you bid her farewell as she rushed off with them.

all march could think about was you. she felt like she really connected with you and dan heng reminded her multiple times that they had more important things to do at the moment to which she laughed and apologised. but she truly couldn't get you put her mind.

so much so that she wondered if you'd be willing to join the express. you seemed really interested in it and she reckoned you'd really enjoy it but dan heng was right. they did have a more pressing situation at hand and therefore needed to focus on that, maybe after she could ask.

but you seemed to beat her too it. affter the situation was resolved you were amazed by the underground finally being open back up to belobog and news of the express's success reached you pretty quickly and all you could think about was finding march. it didn't take long however as she seemed to have the same idea.

you knew what you wanted to ask and hated how nervous you were about it but you finally found the right words. march was absolutely overjoyed at you aksing if you could join the express. she smiled and said something about asking a lady named himeko but you probably could. she grabbed you by the hand and dragged you all the way to himeko.

himeko could hardly resist after march's enthusiasm for you wnating to join. but she did make sure you were absolutely sure you could handle the life of a nameless to which you answered confidently. himeko could tell you and march would be absolutely pefect for each other.

stelle ★↷

her existence was rather unknown, even to herself and so she tried not to think about it too much. burying herself in the humour of exploring new worlds with her new friends. and exploring her hobbies, a particular favourite being dumpster diving.

she didn't quite understand why march and dan heng kept telling her not to, but she didn't really care. so during their time in belobog she would take up evry opportunity to dive through the nearest trash can that caught her sights. and that's how she met you.

you worked in belobog as a lieutenant of the silvermane guards. it had been a major part of your life, taking up most personal time you had and leaving little room for doing things with your friends or family. but even so there were elements to the job you did enjoy and maybe it balanced it out.

but today had been a slow day. your captain, gepard, had informed you some guests were wandering around belobog. apparently from the astral express to help with the stellaron situation. you cared little for the information at first as ot did really not involve you but you knew if the situation with the stellaron escalated you probably would have to head up front lines again.

so when you were doing rounds that bore your brain to death, that's really all you could think about. the astral express, a train that could travel beyond the stars - it did have a nice appeal to it you thought. unfortunately your train of thought was cut short as you heard the sound of bins clattering to your left.

you looked over and saw someone you'd never seen before. admittedly a rather pretty woman. you approached her as she continued rooting through trash - a strange thing in your opinion. you cleeared your throught and the grey haired woman turned to look at you.

you had to hold back your amusement at seeing a small bit of paper stuck to the top of her head as you asked a simple 'are you alright their?', she nodded and quickly explained that she was looking for something intriguing. you didn't have much else to do and yet you'd never thought you would have a go at dumpstter diving but you couldn't help but offer to help.

stelle's eyes practically light up at the offer, she'd never had someone offer to join her. and when a rather gorgeous person offered to join her she felt it was hard to disagree. you crouched down next to her before plucking the paper out her hair and asking something along the lines of 'so how do we do this?'.

you had way more fun than you thought. sure you were doomed to be reprehended by your superior for abandoning your duties but in your opinion it was worth it. the only thing that brought the both of you to a stop was a new voice addresssing the lady beside you.

you and the grey haired lady stood up to look toward what you assumed were her companions. the pink haired one was the firstt to speak 'stelle! we'd thought we lost you! and why are you still looking through trash!' only then did it dawn on you that you'd spent your entire day rooting through trash with someone you didn't even know the name of.

before the woman you know knew as stelle spoke up, the dark haired boy addressed you 'may i ask what you are doing here?'. you quickly explained that you thought she'd lost something and offered to help to which the pink haired one responded 'don't tell me the silvermane guards like dumpster doving as well', you could only let out a sheepish laugh.

you coughed into your hand and asked who they were. they explained they were the astral express guests and introduced themselves properly to which you did the same. you bid them farewell as you headed back to your supposed post for the hour - not that you did your over duties.

everything had happened rather fast. one minute you were chatting with the members of the express them they were criminals, wanted by the silvermane guards and now the stellaron situation had been resolved and bronya was the new supreme guardian. you really only knew what you had been directly involved in.

and in the aftermath you learnt of the express's successful interference. but you were rather exhausted from all of it and gepard had recognised your efforts and decided to let you off earlier than usual. but just as you were tidying your office to go home you heard a knock on your door. and it wasn't who you were expecting when you called them in.

truth be told, ever since stelle had met you and you helped her indulge in her hobby she couldn't get you out her head. she didn't really understand why and in what very little down time they had, she asked march about what she should do. and rather appropriately, march told her to worry about it after the situation was resolved.

and after it was, she could only still think about you. mar hburged her to seek you out and she had. spending time with you until she was informed they had to leave. and when they get back on the express and readied for departure she felt rather down. she didn't really know why either.

'what's with her today?' himeko looked at march, 'she wont be able to see her crush again'. himeko looked back at stelle before responding 'she has a crush?' march nodded rather enthusiastically and told himeko all about you. himeko only looked at stelle with a thought in mind.

and low and behold standing at your office door was stelle. you perked up at seeing her and she was noticeably happier as well. you invited her in and asked if she needed anything. the only response stelle could give was a rather confident 'would you join me?'. you were rather confused with the statement and asked what she meant.

she explained that she couldn't bear to leave you behind and himeko offered that if you agreed, you could join the express and travel with her. you knew it sounded rather rash and rushed but you wanted to blurt out yes and never look back on that decision. but this would be huge for you - leaving behind your entire life for a life with someone you'd barely know.

but even so, you couldn't help but still say yes. you couldn't bare to say no, when you wanted a change of pace and the fact that stelle looked at you with the biggest puppy eyes you'd ever seen. the express had to leave later than intended after all you couldn't quit on the spot but gepard was surprisingly understanding and turned a blind eye to the whole resignation process.

you knew deep down that this was big step that you probably didn't think over as much as you should've, but something was telling you to do so. telling you that the express was the right choice and a life beside stelle was the best path for you.

#x reader #x gender neutral reader #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #hsr x gender neutral reader #hsr x you #hsr x reader #hsr x y/n #hsr himeko #honkai star rail himeko #himeko x reader #hsr welt #honkai star rail welt #welt x reader #hsr dan heng #honkai star rail dan heng #dan heng x reader #hsr march 7th #honkai star rail march 7th #march 7th x reader #hsr stelle #honkai star rail stelle #stelle x reader #hsr trailblazer

[blades-bundle]

How they are in the mornings

ft: Kafka, Blade, March 7th, Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, Luocha, Seele, Bronya

Kafka

- You'd think she's a morning person, considering her job and how she has to be awake a lot. - No. She hates mornings. - She's a HUGE cuddle bug, though. - Kafka will be holding you tight and trying to drag out the morning as long as she can. - She'd much rather spend the mornings in bed with you than heading out on another adventure because of Elios Script. - She also has either herself, Blade, or Silver Wolf make you both coffee when she's finally done holding you hostage pffft. - "Mmh... Good morning, baby..." - Her voice is soft and sweet, but also partially gravelly.

Blade

- He's very cuddly. Like. Look at that man and tell me that despite his personality he isn't a cuddle bug. - He is touch starved asf. (Maybe I'm projecting, who knows?) - Blade is the typa guy to actually be really affectionate when tired, even if he isn't typically. - When he's tired, he isn't worrying about what he's supposed to say or do. - He just.. does. - "Quit squirming... it's too early for this... Let me hold you closer..." - He definitely has a very hot morning voice. - Yeah, he knows it too.

March 7th

- She is very 50/50. - Either she's up at the sunrise, waking you up to make you both hot cocoa and watch it. - Or she's dead asleep with you well past noon. - It really depends on how tiring the trailblaze mission was. - She's cuddly when she's falling asleep, but this girl moves a shit ton when she's actually asleep. - Like. A lot. - Expect to be kicked lmfao. - She'll apologise a lot afterwards tho aksjgfkjdsg - "I'm so sorry! Here, let's cuddle and watch a movie to make up for it, mk?"

Dan Heng

- He sleeps like a fucking rock. - On his back, arms either by his sides or across his chest. - Well, unless you're laying on his chest. - Then his arms are around your waist. - ..Or well, unless he's having a nightmare. - He doesn't get them very often, but they're always awful. - Memories of his past always coming back to haunt him. - It's a big relief for him to wake up with you right next to him, trying to help. - It almost completely calms him immediately. - "It's.. okay, dear. I feel much better now that you're here..."

Jing Yuan

- He is a human teddy bear, and no I do not take criticism. - He's so warm and big and just grgrgrgr - His arms are so inviting and he's so gentle with you. - Jing Yuan is the type to run his fingers through your hair to help you sleep while humming some random tune. - He wakes up early in the mornings but always waits til you're awake to move. - Then he makes you both coffee and breakfast. - God his morning voice is so gravelly and deep. - He doesn't even seem to notice the difference unless you point it out. - "Mmh.. My voice? Well I suppose it is slightly lower, haha.."

Luocha

- Smug bastard smh /affec - This fucker is the type to hold you super close on purpose. - He knows what you are. - Luocha makes the best tea in the mornings. - Gives you just the right amount of energy while both tasting good and helping you feel good. - His words, not mine. - He's quite gentle with you, however. - A hand running through your hair as he lays on his back, you spooning his side. - "Such a sweet thing.. Good morning, my dove..."

Seele

- She's a light sleeper, that's for sure. - A habit she's picked up from working with Wildfire. - That doesn't mean she doesn't know how to relax... - It just means she can't sleep well if you move in your sleep. - Not that she would say such to you, of course. - If she wakes up, she just watches you sleep before slipping off herself once more. - Seele finds it endearing, seeing you snuggle into a pillow and mumble under your breath. - She heard you say her name once in your sleep, and she wasn't able to look you in the eye for a bit. - She's just embarrassed pffft. - "Mmh.. Finally awake, sleepy head?"

Bronya

- Miss Ma'am. Why do you have a perfect sleep schedule? - She wakes up and goes to bed at the same time every single day. - She always either makes breakfast for you both or has one of the workers at her estate do so. - Bronya will wake you up gently to have breakfast together and dance to the record player in the living room. - I see her as a hopeless romantic almost. (Maybe I'm projecting idc.) - She's got a soft and light morning voice, but it's still somewhat stern. - Mom friend alert pffft. - "Good morning, dear. Time to get up.. I made breakfast."

#blade hsr x reader #kafka x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail #hsr kafka x reader #hsr march 7th #hsr march 7th x reader #hsr dan heng x reader #hsr dan heng #hsr jing yuan #hsr jing yuan x reader #hsr luocha #hsr luocha x reader #hsr seele #hsr seele x reader #hsr bronya #hsr bronya x reader #bladie_posts

[chronicowboy]

The first time Chris asks to see Buck, Eddie doesn't hesitate before saying no. The second, third, fourth, fifth times follow immediately after, Christopher's fury growing with each denial. But Eddie doesn't budge. He'll accept the abuses hurled at him, accept the weak punches Chris throws at his chest, accept the I HATE YOU! and slammed bedroom door.

Its nothing he doesn't deserve.

The sixth time Christopher asks, teary-eyed and pleading, Eddie wavers and says not yet. Chris huffs, but he grabs onto that little bit of hope like a lifeline. Eddie doesn't have the heart to tell him that hope is useless.

See, thing is, he knows Christopher is growing up. He knows his son is old enough to handle seeing Buck in a hospital bed - or, well, maybe not handle it, but he knows he's old enough to decide when he's ready to see Buck himself. But Eddie isn't ready.

Eddie wasn't ready when he tried to haul Buck back up onto the ladder, Eddie wasn't ready when he had to relinquish Buck's life to the others with no idea what was happening, Eddie wasn't ready to see Chimney straddling Buck's torso and begging Buck to wake up, Eddie wasn't ready to watch the doctors roll a still unresponsive Buck through the glass doors, Eddie wasn't ready to see Buck cold and still with a tube down his throat.

Christopher's always been braver than him.

But, selfishly, Eddie doesn't think he could handle seeing Chris beg Buck to wake up or say-

No. Eddie knows he couldn't handle it.

And, fuck, maybe its the wrong choice to keep Chris from getting to say goodbye to another parent. Its probably, definitely the wrong choice. But Eddie can't- He just can't.

He can't do this. He can't say goodbye.

Not to Buck.

Its when an Uber pulls up to the house and he catches Christopher trying to sneak out the front door that he realises he couldn't keep them apart anymore than he could have stopped that lightning from hitting Buck.

(You could have stopped it. You could have gone up in his place. You could have been faster. You could have been the one doing CPR. You could have-)

Eddie just grabs his keys and ushers Chris towards the Jeep - a fucking jeep, really? what is it? spit on Eddie day? - waiting for them outside.

He doesn't expect Chris to celebrate, but he also doesn't expect the stony silence that suffocates them in the back of the car. When Chris sniffles, Eddie grabs his hand and lets his own tears roll down his cheeks.

He should say something, but there aren't any words for this. This much he knows.

There weren't any last time either.

Eddie doesn't really register the journey from the parking lot up to Buck's room in the ICU. Not until Christopher suddenly goes very, very still and grabs his hand.

There's not a single part of Eddie that hasn't been shattered since he pushed himself up onto shaky arms and saw Buck hanging from the ladder, still, too still, but right now its the first time he really feels like he's going to fall apart.

"He's in there?" Chris asks, voice tiny and small and so, so scared.

"Yeah, buddy," Eddie croaks, "he's in there. But you don't have to go -"

"Yes. I do." Christopher takes a deep breath and marches towards the door like he's about to walk onto a stage.

Eddie follows. After a moment.

Chris has always been braver than him.

(He hasn't been in Buck's room once. Had only looked at him from beyond the window to his room for a few moments before using Christopher as an excuse to flee. Because he's a coward.)

Eddie doesn't know why he expects Buck's room to be empty. His family is at its biggest right now, even if Eddie remains quietly suspicious of Margaret and Phillip's sudden redemption. And he knows no one would ever let him be alone for more than a bathroom break or a coffee run.

Eddie doesn't know why he's so surprised to see Hen offering Chris her chair by Buck's bedside. She's known Buck the longest - along with Bobby and Chim of course, but between Bobby's superiority and Chimney's rebar, they'd gotten closest the fastest. He doesn't know why he expected Hen to still be at home with her wife and kid.

(Maybe because he'd been desperately jealous that she had someone to shoulder the weight with her.)

The grief-stricken, knowing look Hen shoots him is enough to have his chest tightening up worse than the suit shop.

And then, Christopher reaches for Buck's hand, looking so goddamn young but so fucking determined, and Eddie thinks it'd be fucking typical of him to have a heart attack three days after Buck's heart stops.

"I-I'm sorry, I c-can't." He glances at Hen in what he hopes she understands is a plea to look out for Christopher before fleeing from the room.

His legs don't take him far. His legs were made to get him up that fucking ladder to Buck. His legs weren't made to take him away from him. So, he collapses back against the wall under the window and sinks to the floor just as the first sob racks his body.

Its a painful thing. Like its torn from the very depths of him. Like someone has used the Jaws to pry his chest open and is ripping chunks of his organs out of him.

Its a desperate thing. A prayer and a plea to a universe he doesn't believe in.

Its a quiet thing, however. Because Eddie mastered that art so well that it is deeply ingrained in him.

Its a quiet thing which is why he can still hear Christopher's voice through the thin hospital walls.

"Buck, you promised me-" Christopher's words break, and Eddie breaks with them, pressing his fists into his eyes as hard as he can. "You promised you weren't going anywhere, and you never break your promises."

Eddie doesn't remember this promise. He remembers a hundred pinkie promises between his son and his- His Buck. But he doesn't remember this one. He wonders if it was before or after the-

It was before. Eddie knows Buck well enough to know it was before.

"Wake up, Buck. Please, I-"

Eddie's a coward. He's a coward, that's why he can't get up from the floor. He's a goddamn fucking coward.

"I want my dad," Chris wails, and Eddie doesn't know how he manages it - thinks briefly of stories about mothers lifting cars off their babies - but the next thing he knows he's watching Christopher bury his face in Buck's shoulder.

The left one, not the one with the Lichtenburg figures, the one near his heart.

Eddie doesn't need to look at Hen's tear-streaked face to know that Christopher wasn't asking for him.

#sami rambles #i don't know what this is - pain ? depression ? a coping mechanism for the pain and depression ? #i'm not sure #but it sure is something :D ! #911 spoilers #911 show #911 fox #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #buck x eddie #911 spec #911 spec fic #911 speculation #buck and christopher #christopher diaz #buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family fic #buddie fic #buck and christopher fic #long post

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I was wondering at what point do you think the Sussex’s reached the point of no return, and when the actually penny dropped for H and M (actually do you think he realises that somethings are literally unforgivable even now.) Obviously we probably know a small fraction of what was happening behind the scenes, and the beloved son making a new life is studiously polite, even if many think KC3 would have his son back in an instant.

So it's a few things for me. I think the Oprah interview and Philip's funeral got the ball rolling; the Platinum Jubilee was the "make or break" moment; and The Queen's funeral was when the penny dropped.

Here's the long version...

First, the Oprah interview and Philip's passing/funeral. Here's a super quick timeline of what happened:

2/16/21: Philip enters hospital to receive treatment for an infection.

2/20/21: Charles is papped leaving Philip's hospital looking upset and very emotional.

2/28/21: First promotions of the Sussexes' interview with Oprah debut in the US.

3/1/21: Philip is transferred to a different hospital to receive treatment for his heart condition. Paparazzi photos of him being transferred via ambulance are published, immediate criticism.

3/3/21: Philip has a heart operation. Palace says it went well.

3/5/21: Philip goes back to the first hospital. Meghan tells people she thinks the palace is making up or using Philip's health to silence them and keep them from releasing the Oprah interview.

3/7/21: Oprah interview broadcasts in the US.

3/8/21: Commonwealth Day Service; Oprah releases new clips cut from the final edit of the broadcast; the interview is broadcast in the UK.

(This is just a small piece of what was happening in those days. There was a ton of other stuff going on too.)

I think Meghan leaking to her friends, who talked to reporters, that they don't think Philip is as ill as the Palace reports was the beginning of the end for them. Okay, so maybe the palace wasn't keeping Harry fully updated on everything that was happening as it happened, but the signs were all there that it was a serious hospitalization.

(And I do believe that that leak about Philip's health is why Harry flew immediately to Charles after the King's cancer diagnosis. Karma served him hard with their public on-the-record denials of how ill Philip and The Queen were so now Harry wanted to do the right thing and go see for himself what was really happen.)

Then there's the whole Oprah interview altogether, which many in the firm - family members and courtiers alike - didn't receive well. Using today's measure of "Piers is what Camilla thinks," then if he was hopping mad over it, then she and the family were hopping mad.

Then Philip died and the way the Sussexes behaved - among them: Harry preempting much of the family with his statement about Philip, Harry's demand to wear his uniform, Harry dicking up the procession, Meghan telling everyone the flowers on Philip's casket were from her, Harry allegedly confronting William and Kate about the Oprah interview, the Sussexes using the family walk for olive branch PR, and (if Harry is to be believed) the Harry-Charles-William peace summit in the Frogmore gardens after the funeral - was the final nail in the coffin about what privileges or support the Sussexes would get from the BRF.

Especially when you consider that on February 19, 2021, the Palace announced that the Sussexes had declined to return and the one-year trial/review was terminated as of March 31st. So on April 9th when Philip passed away and the Sussexes began asserting precedence and privilege, they had no right to any of it. They were non-working royals, bottom of the totem pole.

(Then seven weeks later was the whole Lilibet fiasco and we all know how that went.)

I think the Sussexes' behavior and attitude around Philip's funeral, plus the Lilibet debacle (which we didn't fully learn about until after The Queen passed) directly led to certain decisions for the Platinum Jubilee, which became the "make or break" moment for everyone, not just the Sussexes.

The Sussexes saw the Platinum Jubilee as their chance to relaunch and rebrand as royals because they needed the royal glow to make their soon-to-be-released projects successful and well-received. The firm saw the Platinum Jubilee as a chance to rein the Sussexes in to their new status as "family members" vs "royals."

And, well, we know what happened at the Platinum Jubilee:

The Sussexes were kept away from the Cambridge family.

They weren't allowed in the Trooping carriages and the Trooping balcony.

They weren't invited to the Trooping rooftop party with the rest of the family or to the cousins' lunch afterwards.

They were scheduled to take the "Minor Royals Motorcoach" to the service of thanksgiving.

They were booed on arrival (and departure) at the service of thanksgiving.

They weren't included in the official procession with Charles and the Cambridges.

They were seated on the other side away from the working royals and demoted to the inside of the second or third row "after" Beatrice and Eugenie, instead of being on the aisle.

They were not invited to the post-service of thanksgiving guildhall reception/luncheon and had to do the walk of shame to the car by themselves. (Hence the boos.)

No one went to Lili's birthday party.

Meghan didn't get her "Lili meets Lili" picture with The Queen and Lili.

The Sussexes knew it was game over for them from there. The Platinum Jubilee wasn't the "make it" moment they needed and they didn't get anything they wanted. We know they got nothing they wanted because they threw a hissy fit and left early than planned, suggesting they felt very snubbed.

So I think that was the point of no return as far as the firm was concerned - if the Sussexes could behave themselves at the jubilee and the public was accepting of their presence, then the firm could've worked with them. But the Sussexes didn't behave (Meghan's photo stunt with Peter and Zara's girls, missing their pick-up for the service of thanksgiving, and Meghan's stunt rolling down the car window after a whole fuss about security) and the public made their feelings very, very clear.

I think the Sussexes were probably in denial with how badly the jubilee went, and that's why the interviews Meghan did later that summer were bitter and venomous towards the royal family. I also think the way they were treated at the jubilee weekend also informed some of the things they did and said in the Netflix docuseries as well.

So while the Sussexes were fully aware that they were out after the jubilee (I don't remember now who said it, but there's the famous quote "You never really know if you're in with the royal family, but if you're out, you definitely know") I don't think they understood the impact of what being "out" meant, though. I think they thought they could continue using the BRF for PR as they always did and that The Queen/Charles would always welcome them back with open arms because that's what they always did.

Which is what led to the penny dropping with The Queen's passing and funeral. It's clear that Harry thought he'd be given precedence and priority as The King's Son. which didn't happen. He made demands for it, still didn't happen. He tried to take it by force with the Netflix walkabout, still didn't happen. He caused a PR ruckus to get the public to demand it, it still didn't happen.

I do fully believe Harry was grieving at The Queen's funeral and her committal service. But I believe he was grieving the loss of his royal status a bit more than the loss of his grandmother that day, judging by his body language throughout the day. He knew it was all over then and there, and that bitterness came through in his interviews for Spare, when he demanded that the BRF needed to apologize first and his "they know what they did" comments.

I kind of feel like Harry saw the coronation as a test, where he felt "If I go and they treat me well, it'll all be fine but if I go and they treat me horribly, I'm never coming back again." And, well, the latter happened and he went straight from Westminster Abbey to the airport to go home, which was as big a tantrum as the one they pitched at the jubilee to leave early. And if Charles hadn't announced his cancer diagnosis, or if he didn't have cancer at all, I feel pretty confident saying we wouldn't have seen Harry in London until the May service of thanksgiving for Invictus Games.

#ask #brf #sussexes #in this essay i will