#would probably still be friends. or i guess not because i WAS in love with her but like i had issues with our friendship that i never would

[navstuffs]

Tag, you are on it!

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x GN!Reader

Summary: Miguel finds you and Gabriella playing on the backyard. Based on the comic Tag - Pixie and Brutus by @pet_foolery

Warning tags: domestic bliss, fluff, happiness, feel good type, my bad attempt on writing comedy lol

Author's Notes: after being obsessed with this man over a year, i finally joined the fandom (its never too late i guess). hope you enjoy your reading!

Miguel arrives home exhausted from work, taking off his coat and loosening his tie. What an awful day! Between deadlines not being respected and useless meetings taking far too long, Miguel had to stay late to finish a sudden important project. He was fortunate enough to have you pick Gabriella up from school. 

You met Gabriella after five months of dating Miguel(and almost two years of knowing each other). "A friend," Miguel explained the first time you met, nervous about his little girl's reaction—a sentiment you also shared, way more desperate for her approval. 

Everything went so well; even Miguel felt a little jealous of you, watching his daughter gravitate in your personal space the entire night. Especially when, before you left, he noticed Gabriella waving so you could kneel on her level. She covered your ears with her small hands, whispering as you nodded. Miguel observed quite anxiously, his eyes focused on any reaction. You just opened an enigmatic smirk as if you were teasing him that you could win his daughter so quickly.

Three months after this, Gabriella suddenly asked on a Saturday morning why you hadn't moved in yet, almost causing Miguel to drop the breakfast plate with scrambled eggs he had prepared. You and Miguel tried to explain that you still haven't talked about it yet, and adults can be complicated sometimes. 

Besides being Gabriella's new favorite play partner, Miguel hadn't tried to insert you into their daily routine. Not because he didn't trust you, just...Miguel just had to take things slower. His main priority would always be Gabriella, her well-being and happiness. Inserting you into their routine would make it hard for both if you and him didn't work out. And you agreed, understanding as you always were: Gabriella should always be the top priority. 

As it happened on one of your previous dates when the nanny called, informing Gabriella had gotten a sudden fever and had puked once. You urged Miguel to leave, telling him you would solve everything at the restaurant. Miguel was so surprised when you appeared in the house thirty minutes late, still dressed in your date clothes, with anxious eyes on the little girl in his arms. You stayed that night, ensuring to leave only after Gabriella's fever got down as she slept in your arms - when she heard your voice, she opened her arms begging for you to hold her.

Gabriella was already too attached, and Miguel was too much in love. That's why he was still unsure when he asked you to pick her up. 

When Miguel hears Gabriella's giggle from the backyard, his heart instantly warms. Your capacity to make her laugh made him jealous before. Now, it only makes him fall in love with you even harder. To think there was ever a time Miguel was terrified of what would happen if Gabriella didn't like you. 

He follows his favorite sound in the world, his body relaxing. You two seem to be playing tag: Gabriella never seems to catch you, but she doesn't seem to mind just having fun as you run away in the middle of his vast backyard, both barefoot. Miguel slowly joins his daughter, kneeling on her side as she hugs him tightly, all sweaty. "Papi! We are playing a tag game." 

"I noticed." 

"I don't seem to be able to tag back, though," Gabriella replies, confused in her innocence. As if she could with her small legs. You are still turned around from them, probably catching your breath, unaware of Miguel's presence yet. An idea pops on his mind.

"Tag me." 

"What?" 

"Tag me." Miguel offers his hand, opening a smile. Gabriella opens a big grin, tagging him.

"So, have you given up, Gabi?" You, still in the middle of the backyard, turn around with a playful smile. It completely disappears from your face as you watch Gabriella tag Miguel instead, your boyfriend slowly raising. A dangerous smile on his lips warning you to run.  

You only have one second to react, too slow already, as Miguel starts sprinting in your direction as Gabriella encourages him, excited. Your lungs complain as you run away from him, feeling Miguel hot at your heels. It is the only time you will probably curse his long and strong legs.

You give a quick look over your shoulder, panicking. Miguel has that intense, wild look in his eyes, the one you see when he is determined to get what he wants: to get you. You ignore how your body feels and wonder if you shouldn't just jump in the pool (what a joke, Miguel was a great swimmer as well). 

"Behind you." It is the last thing you hear before Miguel pounces on you, managing to do it gently to a round of cheers from Gabriella. 

You both fall to the floor, and Miguel turns you around with a frown. "Were you going to jump in the pool?" 

"Who, me? Nooo. So you could swim and catch me?!" 

"Liar! You were about to jump in the pool!"

"As a distraction, only! You would have jumped straight after me anyway."

"Oh, I would have." He is serious, you know that.

With his body thoroughly pressed against yours, you hug him, "Missed you. How was work?" 

“Terrible. As always.”

"As always." You agree, watching his expression change. Miguel suddenly becomes aware of how your body is pressed against his, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. He tries to get away from you, but you don't let him, your arms locking him down, a malicious smile on your face.

"Don't…"

"I am not doing anything." 

"Not in front of-"

"Miguel, I am not doing anything!" You giggle, the sensation of a victory spreading against your chest. "You know, I wouldn't do anything in front of-"

You both look toward where Gabriela was standing before to find nothing there. Before you two can even untangle, Gabriella jumps on her father's back, startling you both. 

"Tag!" 

She immediately jumps away, giggling as she runs inside the house. Miguel sighs, not before your hand cups his cheek so you can look at him. "I will keep her company. It is fine."

"I don't want to impose-" 

"Miguel, it is not an imposition. She likes me better anyway."

Miguel gets up from the floor, helping you stand as you watch Gabriella hide behind the sofa, her messy hair and eyes peeking out.

"Are you going to…stay?" Miguel wonders, his tone soft. 

"Of course I will. Maybe we can repeat this tag game after Gabriella is asleep?" You offer, bluntly teasing him. "With much less clothes."

You smirk, watching Miguel's mouth drop open. Gabriella calls your name again and you give him a peck on the cheek, before running away to her direction. 

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara fluff #miguel o'hara fanfic #miguel o'hara fanfics #miguel o'hara comedy #miguel o'hara fanfiction #writing for a new fandom when i can barely deal with tons of wips? WE HAVE IT

[ramen-writes]

Prompt: The villian kidnapped the hero's love interest, she remains determined believing that the hero will come for her but days after days he doesn't.

--------

The villian kidnapped the hero's love interest, she remains determined believing that the hero will come for her but days after days he doesn't.

Afterwards the villian let's her go when he realizes the hero isn't going to come save her.

The love interest starts being more distant from everyone especially the hero and although the hero doesn't notice some of her friends do but she is still reluctant to talk to them so they let her be. The pulling away was one last silent cry for help, one last plead to the hero, to see whether the man he was was still there. Turns out he wasn't.

A few months later she is just reading in a secluded section of the library with body around with her lantern. Suddenly she senses a presence, she turns around to see the villian leaning against the bookshelf.

"What are you doing here" she asks, which he blatantly ignores and walks towards her. "There is no use in kidnapping me you know what happened the last time you..."

The villian smirks "I am not here to kidnap you, love. I am here because I wan- no need your help" he lifts her face up with his finger under her chin.

"If you think I am going to help you to destroy this village you're crazy" she pulls away.

"Not to destroy the kingdom, love, but to save it".

"What are you talking about? The only thing the city needs saving from is you" She glared at him pointedly.

"Well no need to be so harsh" he says joking, putting his hand over his heart as if her words wounded him. "but atlas I can't blame you I don't really seem to have a reason to save this kingdom... especially after how it treated me..."

Before she could ask what he meant he spoke again. "But I do think that whatever will happen to this kingdom if we don't save it will be worse than anything I could ever wish to do to it" he says.

"I still have no idea what you are talking about" the girl says, confused.

"There's this....new villian, I guess. He is more powerful than any being to walk on Earth and to defeat him we have to go on a little ...trip to the origin of this Kingdom and you, my love are the person who knows exactly where that is".

That's where she grew up the place she knew the way to by heart and the place should be in rubbles after the incident.

"Why don't you just go ask the hero? He knows about it too we both grew up there, in fact he probably remembers a lot more than me....he will be willing to help you. It's his job anyway." She says, shrugging him off.

He lets out a deep chuckle "You really think that someone with an ego as big as the hero would team up with a pitiful little villian like me even if it were to save the kingdom? No, he would just waltz his way to defeat someone with powers he doesn't understand and wound up dead. That is why I need you, love"

"Stop calling me that".

"Oh sorry, I didn't know you still liked that fool, I would have assumed after the hero forgot all about your existence you would no longer be willing to be a pawn to him".

She tenses, he had gone too far but of course he had, he was the villian, he doesn't care. She turns around and starts to walk away, she needs to get out of here before she gets any more ideas of teaming up with him, he was the VILLIAN for god's sake.

The villian seems to realize that he crossed the line. He runs up to her grabbing her arm. He feels her tense under his touch and drops it. "Wait, I am sorry, I didn't mean to upset you I really do need your help with this".

She stops while her back still faces him and says "You really don't need my help, you're smart you can figure it out" but he heard what she wasn't saying, what he didn't want to admit. He'd also grown up there, something he'd liked not to mentioned.

She turns to look at him, armed crossed, looking for an reaction, whether she finds what she's looking or not the villian can't tell, as she sighs dropping her arms to her side.

"Like I said, I'm sure if you talk to the hero properly he'll be willing to help, you really don't need me or my help." She turns around again, this time determined to leave.

The villian grumbles "I already told you the hero won't listen to me. And I DO need you because you are the only one who actually cares about this kingdom, this village. All the hero wants is fame and power and you saw this happen when he chose to be there for a stupid award instead of saving you even though YOU are the reason he even got to where he is now, you actually care about the village enough to stay in the dark getting no recognition while the hero gets all the credit and popularity for the work you do, it's you who would be willing to work besides someone like me if it meant saving the place and people you love and it's you who I need for this quest" He finishes. He needed her to help him, he needed someone who cared about the city enough to put aside their differences for it.

"Okay..." He finally hears her say her voice cracking, she was trying to hold back her tears. "Wha-" he hears a few more sniffles before she finally turns and walks towards him

"I said okay. I'll hear you out and then we can discuss exactly how we are going to get to where you want me to take you" She said with determination in her voice and that fire in her eyes. The fire the hero put out.

She was back to herself, maybe not fully but she was going to be.

Herself before she became another shadow of the hero, the one he remembered, the one who she used to be when they were kids, the one before the hero broke her down, the only real villian in his world was the hero not because he stopped the villain's plan but for the way he took her away from him, just to treat her like she wasn't the best thing that ever happened to him, like she wasn't the reason his world went round, like she wasn't brighter than any star he would ever see li-like she wasn't worth every damn thing in the world and more, because if it was the villian, he would have treated her like his Queen, he wouldn't have thrown her away the way the hero did, it broke his heart when he saw her confidence fade every day the hero didn't come to her rescue because if it was him would have made sure that NOTHING ever hurt her, he would have made sure no one dared to go against her because that's what she deserves, she deserves to be treated like she's the sun on a rainy day, the stars during the night, the light at the end of a dark tunnel because that's what she was, that's what she is to him.

And if the hero wasn't going to make sure she is treated exactly as she deserves than he would because the hero had his chance, and now it was his turn.

#tumblr writers #tumblr writing community #writing #writing prompts #writing inspiration #writers #writing prompt #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #villian

[fightclubgayporn]

please ignore how wonky the composition is LOL. i was inspired by @lakesparkles and his gravespowers swap au, soo. i decided to make a (kind of) similar one with sandra and envy!! its far less of a swap au and much more of just. what if envy's exes did the league instead of ramona's exes. a better explanation under the cut!!

so in this, ramona and scott (probably?) never met because scott went joker mode after the breakup with envy. he formed the “league” as a revenge plot but none of the other exes take it as seriously as he does. they’re mostly just there to bitch and, in julie and gideon’s case, have weird evil date night with each other

julie doesnt even really count herself as one of envys exes, but she’ll never turn down the opportunity to be a bitch, or to be a bitch with her boyfriend. she made out with envy in college like twice when they were roommates so she technically counts

scott and envy's relationship plays out pretty much how it does in canon, except instead of wallowing and eventually getting over it, scott gets super trapped in his head, and ends up merging with nega scott, except not in a "im accepting my past!" way, in a "i am never going to change and in fact i am going to become worse" way. he just sort of self-isolates and stews in anger until he hears about the clash at demonhead breaking up, when he gets the idea for the league. speaking of which.

todd and envy get back together after she breaks up with scott (its the same as in canon basically) except instead of todd cheating on her with lynette, envy cheats on him with lynette. for envy, it's just a way for her to release a little stress and cope with the fact that she's not happy in her relationship, but lynette sees it as an actual relationship. she'd been pining for envy ever since the band formed, and so when envy finally propositions her, it's like a dream come true. until todd finds out and envy defends herself by saying that lynette didn't mean anything to her, ruining her relationship with both of them and breaking up the band. todd and lynette hate each other now. todd hates lynette for sleeping with his girlfriend and lynette hates todd because he "got to envy before she could." and they both hate envy because she broke their hearts. (todd was never all that in love with her, he saw the relationship as more of a status thing, but like, it still sucks to get cheated on lmfao)

gideon and envy's relationship is pretty similar to in the comics? after the band broke up, she decided to pursue a solo career under gideon's label. it was all very nebulous and they never were officially dating or in a relationship or anything but it wasn't. normal. envy was into him, but only really into the status and the money. he was sort of who she wanted to be. gideon didn't particularly care about her, but he liked having control, and she was something he had control over. it was all very weird and undefined and toxic and she left his label and decided to become an independent musician. yayy

which leads us to the present, where envy and sandra meet after one of envy's shows. sandra is there with monique (duh) but also with stacey and idk. comeau i guess. he knows everyone. stacey and envy are still friends despite scott, and so envy joins them after the concert and sandra's pretty much instantly in love. she already had a celebrity crush on envy, but having her be Real and There just solidified it. she asks envy out that night (albeit very desperately and awkwardly) and envy figures, why not. oops the relationship kinda goes great and the gossip pipeline of stacey -> julie -> gideon -> scott happens and now. sandra has to fight envy's 5 evil exes! or at least, like, three of them. whatever

god that was longer than i thought it would be. if you read all that a) thank you and b) sorry

#fcgp art #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw #scott pilgrim comics #julie powers #gideon graves #goosepowers #well its really more #scott pilgrim #gravespowers #nega scott #sandra #envy adams #envandra #sandradams #lynette guycott #todd ingram

[kangals]

way back in 2014, probably a few weeks or months after you posted that picture of boone with the stick on his head, i checked your blog out and so dearly enjoyed all the dogposting that i followed. i think you were the first dogblr blog i actually followed at the time, but it's been ages and my memory is bad, so i'm not fully sure. it wasn't long before then--2012 i think?--that i had gotten a new dog of my own, a border collie. iirc he and boone were just about the same age.

in 2018 i lost that blog i'd followed you with, and a lot of connections with it. i didn't return until 2021, and when i did, i didn't refollow most of the old blogs; i don't think i even really went looking for them. it took me a while to get back into the swing of using tumblr.

last september, my border collie had a sharp health decline, and i had to say goodbye. it's not the first time i've had to put a pet down, but i think it was the hardest. i'm still not over it. even just typing this now, i feel raw.

then in march or so, i made a new fandom friend who knows you, and i enthusiastically recalled following you before and how much i enjoyed it. i didn't even know about stellina, and now there's kep too! but... i also didn't know you'd lost boone. i followed because i still really enjoy your blog, and i love your collies too. and butters!!! so glad she's still here!

idk what made me look tonight... maybe because i talked about my old border collie with someone today. i went looking for the posts immediately around when you lost boone, because i guess some part of me wanted to know what happened. i spent the better part of an hour (maybe longer?) reading posts from the weeks before the decline, and then the loss, and then the deluge of old boone pictures after, and i've been crying pretty much the whole time just reading your posts and tags about him.

and this is a long and windy way to get to saying thank you. i'm glad you shared your grief, though that seems like a weird thing to say. there's something cathartic about crying over someone else's dog when you still hurt about your own, and knowing you're not alone in that kind of sorrow. boone was such a beautiful boy. i'll never forget that silly post that made me check your blog out in the first place, or the years of posts i stuck around for after. i wish i'd remembered to follow sooner, but the archive is still there, and it's so fun looking through all those old posts about him and his quirks and antics. he was amazing.

sorry for the length of this, i just... really wanted you to know that he touched yet another life, i guess. and i've been so deeply enjoying your posts about stellina and kep. i know it'll be a year soon... i hope there's some peace in how things have gone since he passed, and i hope the anniversary isn't too hard on you. thank you for sharing him with us.

i've been on tumblr for 14 years and this is, genuinely, the nicest ask i think i've ever been sent.

thank you - sincerely. there's been a lot of times over the course of this blog that i've felt like i was oversharing, or talking about pointless things only i cared about. i still so frequently start typing out a post only to stop mid-sentence and delete it because i can't help but think "no one cares about this." possibly it's why i like to talk about my pets so much - they're not me, but i'm the one who knows them best, so i get to say "hey look at this" and ramble and have people say "i'm looking" back. when boone passed, i lost that filter and i poured my grief out into this blog because it was the closest outlet i had. and to have hundreds of people not only acknowledge this but to commiserate, to reassure, to share their own stories - that helped healed me more than i can put into words. it's exactly as you said: there's a catharsis in grieving together.

i am sorry you also had to say goodbye. i wish i could say it gets easier, but i think that would be defeating the point of grief. your grief is your love and damn it if there isn't any act more loving in the world than choosing to say goodbye to an old, loyal dog. you think of how dogs were domesticated tens of thousands of years ago, of how human society and dogs have developed intertwined, of how we have records of ancient greeks and romans carving loving epitaths on their dog's graves, of how a prehistoric dog's skull was found with a bone placed in it's mouth after death, and you wonder if grieving a dog isn't one of the most consistent experiences in the whole of human history that there is.

i'm glad to know that this could bring you some comfort, in some way. it's incredibly touching to know that you kept me and boone in your thoughts for all this time. i am doing ok - i've been reflecting a lot as we approach the one-year mark. i'm not sure if i'll be able to condense those thoughts down into coherent words, but i'll do my best. i hope that my silly little pets continue to bring you some happiness, and that you've found peace with your own grief.

thank you, again - this is extremely touching and means a hell of a lot to me.

#i know exactly what you mean about reading posts about other peoples loss and grieving in camaraderie with them. i do that too #also mayhaps i am nosy sometimes and want to intrude. i cant help my nature to be a looky-loo #which is to say: you should never feel like you are intruding for doing so back to me.

[obsessivevoidkitten]

Ok so another one. Not a fanfic but I am just genuinely curious about Synthis. Because HOLY FUCK YOU CAN'T JUST DROP A BANGER CONCEPT AND EXPECT US(me) TO JUST BE SATISFIED WITH BEING RAILED, WORSHIPPED, AND RAVAGED BY A HOT 7ft TALL BEEFY BULL MAN (I am beyond satisfied but still...)

A company that sells their actual employees, regardless if they're hired for actual work or just to be sold, is kinda a really [insert word that would describe what I am feeling rn because there are too many] concept. Like... you probably just did it to give Arrin a way to be able to get his darling mate when they live in another planet and no other reason but you kinda dropped a really cool concept.

A company sells their employees (even if they have family or friends or people that care for them deeply) to random people and still manage to keep their facade as this Disney-like or Amazon-like company that just happens to have many branches (I'm trying and failing to make an analogy-thingy here). That could get very dark very quickly. Get-A-Darling®. Come get your submissive and breedable darlings here. We offer a wide variety of cute darlings. We got sleek and slender, muscular and tall, and chubby and squish-- oh the chief already got the squishy one... Anyway, we at Synthis believe in inclusivity and giving our customers full satisfaction, of course. We might even give you their (worn) underwear to see/sniff/smell if they'd be a great fit before you get them~

Ok, I'm getting off topic. What I am saying is that a company manages to keep their image as this respectable as respectable as a corporation that owns everything I guess... corporation even while they sell their employees to various individuals with various intents. Like, darling might be one of the very lucky ones. Sold to a soft Yandere who just wants someone soft, squishy, chubby, sexy, and cuddly to love, worship, breed, and adore. What if someone got sold to a Yandere Asshole or a regular slimy asshole? Or just sold to plain old slavery? Or shitty warehouse job with abusive management? Or for their organs?

What if they're doing double duty as the Syndicate from the Strom (Yandere Assassin/Bounty Hunter) one shot?

You dropped this really cool concept about a company that dabbles in human trafficking in order to cater to people who we may call “human fuckers” (they're freaky and horni and squishy and cuddly) and I just wanna say that I think that's fucking great and awesome

Also...

Do you think Synthis gave out their (to be sold) employees' worn underwear to the people that were going to buy them?

No they don't sell people with loving friends and family! That would make it harder to operate.

Mostly sell only to very specific clients.

I do like the used undies sampler pack idea to help them pick a person.

Organs can be grown and sold cheaply (synthis synthetics organs department) so no worry of reader sold for organs.

Possible for slavery, but the robots of the future are stronger, more willing, and overall cheaper since there's no med cost or food or sleep or even a habitat required. So it just isn't practical.

Most customers are looking for something to love them or slide their dick in.

#follower asks #yandere x reader

[adastra121]

Every once in a while, I think about how MC and Rime’s dynamic is the funniest and saddest thing ever.

Because…MC stole his life. Then his weapon. Then his job. Then his boyfriend. And then, depending how you play it, MC also steals his heart.

#it’s hilarious #I just feel so BAD for rime the entire time #can you imagine being him? being in his place? #well I mean I guess you can because you do exactly that in Felix’s route ahem #but the one you love robbing you of a peaceful and dignified death — only to fall in love with the stranger they summoned by accident #and then that stranger ends up in possession of your power and your weapon and your role in the team #all while YOU’RE STILL ALIVE — I mean YEAH you might have come back WRONG but damn #you are RIGHT THERE #if anyone cared…they probably don’t — they seem perfectly happy with your cheap knockoff #yeah that would make anyone a little bit spiteful #and then the punchline is that you never end up getting revenge for any of that because you too become enamoured with said cheap knockoff #that’s so tragic — and so funny #I love the path where we become friends because that’s essentially how it goes #stealing his heart either romantically or platonically — both work #I miss fictif’s last legacy #I kind of fell out of the app before dorian so I don't know if they ever finished that story #fictif #last legacy #rime solano varela #rime varela #felix escellun #felix iskandar escellun

[rapidhighway]

Hmm I think Silver cant know about the clones. He would obviously tell Sonic they fucking cloned him like 50 times in the future. Probably more hmmm but also Silver and Razor meeting in the future..... AUGGRHHH

#i would actually love that!!! #like #i think Silver would hate that someone did this to his friend you know #and I think that would be cool! #BUT idk how that could fit into the world because obviously he would tell Sonic and then it would change history i guess but! #the future makes no sense anyway and it's always changi and silver seems to be a constant in it so idk how it would work like #maybe in the ONE newest future he came back to that shit is happening #IDK MANNN #i COULD just have this happen farther in the future #i think it could happen #and like #if razor ever got pulled into the past (???🤔🤔🤔🤔???) Silver would probably be there too cause that's got to be some kind of disturbance #in the timeline #so they could still meet #but if they met on their own just like that they could have like a little established dynamic even if just a little #urghf I'm gonna doodle many things today and think about it #oc razor #idk i enjoy the thought of silver and razor knowing each other but ughhhhhh

[mxwhore]

mutuals. i am getting caught in my own bitterness again...

#ill vent because this is basically my bedroom #my younger older brother is caught up in that phase of romantic love when nothing else matter but girlfriend #thats fine i guess it happens #the thing is he forgot about my birthday and i was sad. then he remembered that he forgot and called and said #heyyy lemme make it up to you. lets go grab dinner this weekend (last weekend) #he forgot he even said me and went wine tasting with his gf. so now im double sad AND pissed because #i said no to my friends who actually wanted to see me because i was under the assumption that we were going out #so i sent him a passive aggressive message like heyy dinner was great thx for that xd and he was like what dinner?? #long story short he realized he fucked up again and invited me to dinner for realsies this time #but like. he isnt really inviting me? he and my niece were going to a kiddy place he promised he would take her and said i could tag along #i told him i realize now he just invited that to save face and to forget about it #but now im even sadder cuz i love my niece and she is always happy to see me... i just feel like im stupid or something #theyre going tomorrow and im debating on whether i should swallow my pride and go for her #i probably wont #im still not over it #anyway whatever i got work to do

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing & #digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right) #and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh) #I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost. #anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic) #meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough. #im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY. #like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

[fanvoidkeith]

me, helping out my mom at a bazaar, like i've done for years, attempting stuff while she walks around to take a break and maybe get some xmas gifts: *vibing enough that some people want to buy some things*

my mom, about half an hour later: *comes back to be the more charming of the two of us, because she has more experience being a salesperson and is not autistic*

the nice lady at the table next to us, talking to my mom: your boy did a good job while you were gone!

my brain, upon hearing that sentence come out of another person's mouth while i'm feeling somewhat dysphoric in my body today:

B O Y ! ! !

(good job!)

#void keith talks #this isn't me discovering a new thing about myself but it is Different this time i think. it echoed in my brain #most people don't assume i'm masc because i have a high voice. especially because the fuckin “customer service voice" thing (higher pitch) #but more people than one have called me by masculine uhhh... adjectives? (it's probably adjectives.) it's nice. mostly strangers though. :/ #and i already know i have a Thing about praise because it's my love language or whatever #and i've also been obsessing over whether or not i should ask my doctor about going on testosterone because i've been avoiding my doctor #because i'm an anxious mess and my life is about to be turned upside down again soon #but i. i wwant to #go on T. more than i thought i would? #i'm so anxious about change and i know the changes technically happen slowly #but even so i keep hesitating because of personal circumstances #uhhhh... yeah. that's. that's a thing i guess #one of my fellow nonbinary transmasc friends is going on T. and i'm happy for them obviously #but i also feel a little envious of him for being able to figure it all out that easily. even though it probably Wasn't Actually That Easy #and it just looks like that from my outsider perspective #and i'm just tired and confused because i only discovered/uncovered the more masc part of my identity relatively recently and i've- #struggled with it for long enough that i don't have to fight with myself about it anymore. still kinda scared though #nonbinary #enby #trans #transgender #voidgender #gender dysphoria #gender stuff #gender thoughts #gender euphoria #trans stuff #nonbinary stuff #rambling in the tags #rambling into the void

[haemosexuality]

these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably #bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice #and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me #bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to #did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others? #no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really #likeable. so ill take what i can get #when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start. #treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember #this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend #will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and #now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen #years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow? #when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her #to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all #and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things #and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk #to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl #because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant #connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just #not have anyone forever #i guess #especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks #Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the #gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl #and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively #and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday- #anyways. certified magnus archives moment

[justtogetthrough]

Look I know humans need to be individually strong and able to function independently etc and stuff but also humans evolved to be in groups too and I don't have a group, I've spent 95% of my life without a group, and I just so desperately want someone to be as attached to me as I am to them. I have spent my whole life lonely by myself on the outside looking in and I don't want to be here anymore. I've experienced what it felt like to be inside a group now and this loneliness feels even worse now that I know what it felt like to belong.

#im starting to miss my toxic and abusive relationship bc even though it had the lowest of lows and i got the most stitches ive ever got #it was still the only few years i felt happy to be alive. i had a community. a found family. #the lowest of lows brought the highest of highs and i would pay that price again to feel loved and cared about. #my therapist made me promise I'll stay alive til we meet again next week and its like oh. here we are again i guess. #if i hadnt just moved 1.5 hours away id probably hit up my ex and be like hey. im back. lets do this again. #this is why i moved though. to prevent going back to that life because i know deep down i want to. #the lowest of lows.... but also the only moments in 32 years i ever felt glad to be alive. #i need someone to pay a lot of attention to me and the person whos been able to partially do this is now pulling away #and my clingyness. my bpd. is like. i need someone new. but new people are scary. so why not my ex #why not the mother of my kid who ruins every life she touches. who ruined me mentally emotionally sexually. #when we werent fighting she made me feel so special and loved #when we were fighting i onc got 107 stitches in one arm #i cant go back. but. the only times ive ever felt good were the in-betweens of those lowest of lows. #im in a really bad place and my one irl friend cant give me what i need and so i just want to die #personal #cw suicide #cw cutting #actuallyborderline #actuallytraumatized #bpdfeels

[madigoround]

💜

#I’m going to complain about something that is probably a non issue and I’m making a bigger deal out of it than it is probably but I’m having #anxiety about it and this is my journal basically so #I have been telling everyone and their mother that im counting down the days until I get the keys to my home on April 7th and a few days ago #these girls from work who like we’ve known each other like a year and a half by now probably and at first they kind of hated me because for #my work task I have to come to them to get something signed right and they make a huge deal of it sometimes but I think im growing on them #they ask me things now and joke around with me so it’s an improvement and a few days ago when I was talking with them about it they were #like do you want help cleaning your home since I said I was gonna take that first weekend to deep clean it and I jokingly accepted thinking #they didn’t mean it because people just say things like that you know? but then one of them texted me tonight to ask if #I would still like them to come over next weekend and I said sure but you don’t have to clean you can just hang out and they are bringing #games and like on the one hand I would like more friends but on the other hand 1 this is my home I’m inviting people I don’t know outside of #work into my home and 2 what if they turn out to be mean to me and then is it like I’ve soured my home a bit?? #3 what if it’s super awkward or something and then I have to see them at work #like it’s probably fine and I do want more friends but if they said something bad about my home which I love so much already I would have to #ask them to leave #i’m just talking to myself #processing out loud I guess

[tiredsadpeach]

May not feel great rn but tomorrow I get to see my best friend and we’re exchanging gifts and then afterward I’m going with my sister to pick up a cat

#I don’t talk about this best friend on here a lot lately but he’s great and I love him #platonically and romantically #I’ve had a crush on him for uhh 9 years teehee #he doesn’t know I still feel that way or at least I hope he doesn’t because I don’t wanna make him uncomfy #we dated back in 2013 but I was a pos then and cheated on him because I give in to peer pressure #I’m serious about that btw like the chick that convinced me to cheat when we were official I went over to a friends house and she thought I #would cheat on her because I was so easy to convince the first time lmao #anyway that was forever ago and I am very very different now and would kill past me tbh for that teehee #this is the best friend that stayed with me after I cut off everyone because they stayed friends with my abuser #he’s literally the fucking best and I love him so much and I hope we always stay friends despite my Crazy lol #but also CAT INFOOOO okay so me and my sister went to our local pet store and they partner with a specific shelter? idk I can’t give the #name out because the only pet store listed on their website is the one we go to and that’s too much info about where I live lmao #ANYWAY I was more just showing her the two 4 month old brothers I saw the other day because they’re cute and I was hoping I’d see they were #adopted which they weren’t but they’re chatty kittens they’ll be gone soon tbh probably snatched up for Christmas #but so I had just been there two days ago on the 16th and we went on the 18th and one new cat was there #a 1 1/2 year old black cat named Morticia!! she was so cute they had a hot pink collar and bell on her and her file said she gets along well #with dogs and other cats (perfect for us we live with our parents still so full house) and it said she loves to be held and talked to ☹️☹️☹️ #and her arrival date? the 16th so I just missed her but ALSO that’s one of our family dog’s birthday he turned 5 that day!! #also learned today Morticia had three kittens who have all been adopted and you’ll never guess their names #Wednesday pugsly and thing teehee #the fact that cat is just named Thing is so fucking funny #anyway my sister was petting her and she rolled into it ☹️ got head scratches and ear rubs and THEN I was filling out the application for he #while we waited for our parents to call us back and Morticia LAID HER HEAD IN MY SISTERS HAND ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ #so yeah my sister fell in love and the naming matches so well with her other cat who is about 2 years old now who’s a long haired tortoise #named Magnolia !! she’s a really chill cat who when it comes to other cats if the cat likes her she likes the cat but she’s also the younges #cat we have rn but my cats half adore her and half dgaf like my older two just want to be left alone by the animals and loved on by humans #but my younger two (8 and 5) still act like babies and run around like kittens so they love magnolia and she loves them so I have no doubt #Morticia is gonna fit in just fine and we don’t have to change her name!! #idk about y’all but we like always change our pets’ names when we adopt them and sometimes I’m glad we do because we have an anxious big #mutt doggie and we named him Chimmy which worked out well because he’s kinda silly and goofy and yknow neurodivergent but his og name?

[straykats]

anyways i just find it very soft and nice that i have people (hi mutuals) who share more than one of my interests and are rather active about them..? as in, they'll occasioanlmy post about x y z or reach out when i post about x y z or like they'll incorporate one into the other?? like. im so used to just having like.. oh this is the friend who i can talk to about anime, this friend about kpop, this ine about books.. and now its like.. i could put all my mutuals names in a hat and draw one out and i could talk about a multitude of things with them and its so weird because i.. i dont know you guys but i can talk to you about so much more on top of those interests as well? and i just :(

sorry the tags are a little bit of a love letter but like not poetic or romantic and super super ramble-y

#like how actively do i talk to my mutuals??? definitely not as much as most people do (sorry) #but everytime i do i just. #not to sound sappy and cringey or whatever but i just. feel so happy and loved??? #but at the same time its a little bittersweet because like. i dont knoe you guys and i probably never will and maybe irl we would clash a #bit or we wouldnt really... feel comfortable with eachother etcetc #but i guess thats the beauty (and admittedly danger) of online friendships? #like. i just. sad sounds. #and i just appreciate all my online friends/mutuals so much and i use them interchangeably but i know #there are mutuals i dont talk to ever or ive barely talked to or i dont talk to anymore #but like idk its like. #its like the whole 'everyone you meet eill impact you in some way' thing #and i havent /met/ met you guys but i love you all the same #and im sorry if my use of 'love' is a bit !!! but i am feeling emotions #and i know ive diverted from the original post but sigh i #i just truly sincerely wish that five days from now #five weeks or months or years or even fifty years from now #youre all happy and content and livijg ur best life in a rocking chair or whatever idk maybe 50 years eas too much HAHA but my point #still stands - i hope you all are happy and loved by those you love #and i just. thank you so much for allowing me this soft and safe space #even if i can be a little annoying at times hehe sorry but like. yknow i just. QHHHH #anyways i do hope my mutuals see this post/the tags HAHAHA #should have just made a whole text post instead of ramble in the tags #and idek if ehat uve said makes sense #but i know i defninitely have not conveyed everything so uh :( #kat loves u all so much #kat talks #okay just read the tags and i did not express myself well at all #i just appreciate you guys so much and am so so so so thankful for every interaction we've had #and im so.. honoured? amazed? lucky? to have met you guys and know you exist ??? #not to sound dramatic but thank you for baring the knowledge of my existence

[romeoandromeo]

.

#so bored rn i want to write but i don't want to get up and go to the computer to do so and also I'm shit out of ideas #and also i took a sleep aid so i should actually probably be trying to sleep instead of writing or browsing Tumblr #idk today was just very unfulfilling i guess #i was supposed to see my friend and chill and get high #but he got called into work and so i just went to the bmv instead because I've been putting off getting my new license and i had nothing #better to do so i just got that shit out of the way #i didn't get a chance to buy cigarettes so I've been without nic all day long and it's making me restless #I've been inside literally all day I'm going stir crazy i need some nature #but it was hot today #well hot compared to what it has been it was only 78 today and i come from Florida so i shouldn't be completing #complaining i mean #but like all week it's been in the fifties and I've been loving it i feel like I'm living with this cold weather #I'm literally in bed sweating rn i feel like I'm still down south #i can't continue the YouTube video I'm watching because i think this sleep aid is making things influence my dreams #and i was watching a playthrough of a game that makes me paranoid but I'm sucked in and i just don't feel like being schizophrenic rn #who am i kidding I'm always schizophrenic lol maybe i should get back on meds idk just don't feel like being extra paranoid ig #i have a roach but no one hitter and i found literally a pinch of weed #but how can i smoke it? idk where my bfs pipe is and also my parents bedroom window is open so they would literally smell it #im not trying to get kicked out 🙄 can't leave the house because the garage makes too much noise and idk our front door is weird #also where would I even go?? wtf #idk im literally just so incredibly bored and i want to do anything but sleep i really want to be outside smoking really #anything a blunt a cigarette... idc id even take a damn vape and i literally hate vaping #well i guess i don't megahate it but still #ugh what do i even dooooooooo. i want to be under the influence of somethingggggg but we don't even have any alcohol.... #well... i have a few blue moons in my car which i should probably get that shit out of there they've been under my seat for months #but I don't want beer :/ i need like a buzzball or smth also?? ever since i moved and have had to buy something that i need to show my id i #i keep getting dirty looks from the clerks??? like what'd i do I'm literally just buying a pack of cigarettes.. and you hardcore stare at #my id and then give me the evil eye for what?? I'm of age??? stick up your ass much??? #idfc i started giving them dirty looks right back like i did nothing wrong and you're out to get me for no reason :// #what was i talking about before this???