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kwritingbooks · 2 years

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co-written by me & @shroombloomm

read on wattpad or tumblr masterlist

While psychedelics aren’t anything new to people like Aurora and Nina, it’s a whole new world for Harry. The world is constantly shifting around them, causing light to shine on things that was once hidden in the dark. How things can change with just one small tab…

AU: star-being!harry x astronomy-student!aurora

Content warning: substance use (acid, alcohol, and weed)

AURORA’S POV

I wasn't sure how long it had been since we first placed the tablets of acid on our tongues. All I knew was that at some point our regular conversations turned into fits of laughter that caused our cheeks to hurt. It was as if there was no off button and all we could do was let it take control over our bodies– clutching against our stomachs from the pain of happiness.

My guess was that it had been at least an hour since, considering that I could feel my high climbing. Both Harry and I's backs were laid out on the bed of the truck, still unmoved from the spot we had initially been in. I could hear the faint chatters below us, assuming that at some point Ryan and Nina had crawled out of the truck bed and laid on the ground below us. I think I preferred it that way. It gave the familiarity of her voice nearby but with the closeness of Harry to my left. That on top of the vastness above enveloping us together in one was just about as perfect as it could get.

Looking up at the night sky was always something that I found great comfort in. The way I could see the flicks of light flash faintly in the far distance, while others shined as bright as they did every other night before. But, those were my thoughts even when I was sober.

All of my appreciations and perspectives changed with hallucinogens clouding my reality. What was already so beautiful heightened to lengths that I didn't know were possible. Each time felt like a whole new experience, no matter if I was doing the same thing regardless. Under this new perspective, the stars danced in all their forms. They waltzed, they tangoed, they did ballet. They lived just as we did.

Each dance reflected against everything above, including the clouds and the moon. The individual stars were there with their own performances in order to entertain the moon, I figured. Yet, I felt like the only audience member that was taken aback by the show above me. The moon and I gazed together to encapsulate everything going on. It felt like a hug from far away, as if they outstretched their beams of light around my body into the warmest of hugs.

It was beautiful, to say the least. My lips had grown that familiar tug of fatigue from the smile that had drawn so tightly on my face. It was the only thing I knew how to do at that moment. It was the only thing I wanted to do. Needed to do.

I crooked my head to Harry's side, curious how he was doing. I knew I felt great, but I also knew what to expect from it as well. Harry, on the other hand, had no idea. This was his first time after all. I couldn't imagine what he was feeling considering he only ever started experiencing life on Earth fairly recently on top of now experiencing in this new way.

"You okay?" I breathed out softly, peering at him.

He had a hand rested neatly on top of his chest and I watched closely as it rose and fell with his breaths. They looked slightly uneven, possibly a little quicker than his usual pace.

He nodded his head with a small smile, matching our eyes together. "I don't know what exactly is happening, but I think it's nice. It feels nice. Even my clothes feel nice."

I couldn't help but giggle as my eyes ventured towards his other hand that was trailing along the fabric of his shirt. It looked smooth as he rubbed it between two of his fingers and eventually retracted it back to meet his other hand on his chest.

A hardly noticeable layer of sweat had grown on his forehead since the last time I had looked over. If it wasn't for his calm demeanor with his tone, I would have thought he was anxious about what was going on. His tongue would periodically lick over his lips as he looked above him. He seemed just as awestruck by the beauty beaming down on us as I was.

He quickly turned back towards me, now with a slightly concerned look on his face. "Aurora?"

"Yes, Harry?" I almost blushed as his name came out of my mouth so seamlessly. It was like it tickled against my lips as it escaped them, leaving butterflies to flutter out with it.

"Is this the weed, alcohol, or acid?" He drummed his fingers against his chest, darting his eyes around us. He moved them slowly around, like he was trying to take in all of the scenery closely– from the metal of the truck to the blanket underneath us to the water bottle that had been knocked over in the corner. He wanted to see and experience it all.

I chuckled. "It's all of it. Everything, it's all one." I hummed a satisfied breath as I switched my head back above, closing my eyes briefly. I could hear faint gusts of wind brushing along the trees along with Harry's breath beside me. It was as if it was his breaths causing the leaves to brush against one another from so far away.

"But mostly the acid." I joked, concealing a small laugh inside.

"Interesting." Harry responded matter-of-factly. "Does it get stronger than this? I feel like I'm climbing almost. Like my brain."

This giggle was much harder to conceal. "This is just the beginning, Harry. But, it'll be fun, I promise. Just sit back and enjoy the feelings right now. You'll know when you're there." My eyes remained shut, listening in on all the noises around. Harry had grown silent again, but his lack of questioning was usually a good sign. He was enjoying it just the same.

"What do you mean nothing matters? Anything can matter if you want it to. That's the whole point!" I heard Nina ramble below. I could tell by the way she was talking she was waving her hands around like she normally did when she went on her philosophical talks. I smiled to myself as I pictured the image in my head. She always had a way to bring up these things, especially when drugs or alcohol were introduced to the table.

"We're all just a little speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. If we were to just evaporate into dust, it wouldn't change anything about the universe." Ryan rebutted. I heard Nina let out an exasperated laugh as he continued. "Hell, if this one universe evaporated, then what? Exactly! There's so many that it would hardly change anything."

I didn't have to see her face to know there was an eye-roll after that sentence. I was enjoying eavesdropping in on their conversation, playing it like a movie in front of me. I even pictured the stars having the conversation, morphing into Ryan and Nina's faces instead. Instead of the previous dances, they were bickering back and forth about the meaning of life.

It was my show after all. I got to control it.

"You're such a nihilist. It's okay to find meaning in your own life. It's okay just to find bits of happiness in anything we want to. It doesn't have to have a big meaning behind it." Nina retorted.

The star that I envisioned her as was directly in front of me, burning bright in the middle of other fainter stars. Her words caused her brightness to only increase as I sunk deeper in the truck bed, watching.

What she was saying was something that I agreed with, but I didn't put much thought into it before. Whenever she would try to pull me into one of her life talks, I would usually tell her that I just wanted to enjoy my high and not have an existential crisis. But, there didn't have to be a crisis if I didn't want there to be one. That was one thing I never considered.

I morphed my life how I wanted based on the choices I made and found meaning in. Every little "yes" I said or "no" I said to things led me exactly to the spot that I was in right now. If I didn't choose to listen to my parents about their interest in astronomy, I wouldn't have continued this path. Maybe I wouldn't have gone to this school at all– never to have met people like Nina or Harry once in my life.

Maybe I would have majored in marketing. Or business. Or something else that would have piqued my non-astronomical-interested brain at the time.

That was semi-hard to imagine. Besides the fact that this had consumed so much of my life, it was hard to imagine that I could have lived a life so different. A few months ago, never would I have thought that I would be tripping acid with Harry– let alone the fact that he was a being that lived among the stars.

Coming to terms with that felt like a trip all in itself.

But, it wasn't. This was my reality because I made it my reality. I found solaceness in the little things that led me here. In this truck bed.

"It would go noticed if your universe evaporated, by the way." Harry whispered in my direction.

It almost shocked me, forgetting that I was lying beside him. I was so enwrapped with the conversation going on beneath us, that it felt like I was the only one who existed in this reality for a moment.

I turned to look at him as he laid unchanged in his positioning, continually drumming his fingertips over his hand. His one sentence made me feel the most comforted I had felt all night. There was no arguing with a being that knew all the secrets about the stars and the universe it surrounded. He knew it all, and I believed him.

"I think I'm starting to feel it, Aurora. Things are moving." He scrunched his eyebrows, squinting at the night sky above. He seemed to be over the existential debate, now focusing on himself now. "At least I don't think that's normal. I don't remember them moving before. Is that supposed to happen?" His voice was still a whisper, growing quieter the more he spoke. I couldn't hold back another fit of giggles as I watched him so focused.

"That's a part of it. Everything will feel stronger– your emotions, your sensations, things around you. Let your body and mind speak for you." I reminded him.

"My mind is telling me that I'm floating. Almost like I'm back home. It's nice. I wish I could take you to show you." He whispered a little louder this time. It was hard to fight against the small stab of disappointment I felt when he said it. It reminded me that I could only live out his experiences through the stories he told— never to experience it myself.

His hands patted beside him like he was double-checking to make sure he wasn't actually floating. A satisfied hum left his lips once he realized he was still where he last put himself.

"Also I feel all my clothes on me." He said it with a confused spark with his words. "I know I'm wearing them, but they feel funny. Softer, maybe. Smooth? Or is it scratchy?" He battled with himself as he attempted to word how he was feeling. I had yet to say anything, completely enjoying watching him talk himself through what he was going through.

"But it feels good, right?" I smiled at him. His hands were smoothing along his body, lightly tugging at it as he experienced the different sensations.

He nodded his head. "I think so."

"Good. It's okay to feel things. Feel as much as you want, it's your reality—your choice. You shape how you feel, especially tonight. It's all up to you how you want it to go." The words rolled off my tongue as I said them, reassuring myself in the process.

My choice. Always.

But especially tonight.

"Really?" He sounded so innocent as he asked, causing my cheeks to burn.

For some reason, I almost wanted to cry. Not out of sadness, though. Happiness. It flowed through me so powerfully and it was hard to contain it. I felt so at peace in these moments I currently shared with him. All I wanted to do was sit there forever.

"Really." I repeated with a slight blur of tears rimming along my eyes. I blinked them away, spinning my head around.

"We'll be back!" Nina rushed out, causing me to sit up quickly from my spot. She had Ryan's hand in hers, giggling among themselves as she pulled him away.

I watched as they disappeared into the field. I rolled my eyes at them, sinking back down into the bedding that cushioned from under us. I let out a soft breath, focusing back onto the stars.

The music from the truck lulled from behind us, but it was so much quieter than it was when Nina had first turned it on. Guitars sounded through the speakers, making the truck vibrate from under us.

"What is the meaning to life?" I whispered from under my breath, glancing towards Harry out of the corner of my eye before rolling my head to look at him. Harry's eyes widened just slightly, a smile curved onto his lips as he let out a soft chuckle.

"Heavy question, Aurora." He whispered back, shifting his hips slightly as his fingertips ran up and down his torso slowly. "I can't say that I know."

"You are, y'know...other-wordly, so I just thought–"

"Star-being." He stopped me, rolling his head to gaze towards me. "I am a star-being, but even I ask myself these questions. You may think that we hold answers to those kinds of questions, but in reality, we are just as lost as humans. In our own ways."

He paused for a moment, licking over his lips as he furrowed his brows carefully. His features became more bright, more clear when I looked at him. Like, really looked at him. I may have stolen a glance or two from him before, but really looking at him now, it was intense.

"Why are we made so differently?" Harry whispered lowly as he searched my face for any answers. "What is the difference between me and you? Really. We just live on other planets, and other than that, we feel things the same way it seems."

"People don't see you the way I see you." I whispered back to him as I rolled onto my side, blinking hard. "They don't see the Harry that I do."

Harry parted his lips, brows pinched as he gazed at my features. There was a silence between the both of us, for what felt like eternity. In reality, it was only mere moments, but with Harry everything felt like an eternity. Maybe time had stopped, just for us, so we could live in this moment longer together.

His features started to blur together, but not in a way that made him unrecognizable. It was almost as if he had stars that personally kissed alongside his cheekbones. Looking at him was like looking at someone I had known for so long. He felt so familiar to me, and it made my chest shift in a way that was like butterflies rattling in a cage.

And maybe it was that I had known him for as long as it felt. Maybe each time I sat underneath the stars, I was with him and didn't know it. Each time I felt drawn to a specific sparkle above, it was him looking down at me, watching me grow up. Maybe he didn't even know it himself either.

His brown curls that fell into his face looked like someone had taken a colored pencil and sketched them themselves. I looked down to my fingers, wiggling them to make sure that I was still here. That I was really, actually here.

For a moment, it didn't feel like I was. It felt like I was somehow making this up in my mind, and it was playing out in front of me. I waved my hand lazily, watching the tracers of it blur in front of me.

"I'm really high." I swallowed thickly as I rolled onto my back. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to steady my breathing. Behind my eyelids, it wasn't any better than what I was seeing when I opened them.

There were lines of reds, blues, and purples that exploded into the air. Patterns floated around the back of my eyelids, as if I had paid for my own personal psychedelic show. I let out a shallow breath as I went to place a hand onto my heart, but was caught off guard by someone else's touch.

I opened my eyes carefully, looking above me as I saw Harry's hand interlocked with mine, lacing them together. I blinked hard, watching it morph into one colorful abstract blobs. I fixated my eyes towards him with a slight frown on my lips.

"It's okay, Aurora." He whispered softly as his thumb traced over the top of my hand. "Come with me, yeah?"

Harry sat up from the pillows, his hand still interlocked with mine as he crouched on his feet. I blinked slowly, sitting up to meet his height.

"Where are we going?" I breathed out. When I looked out to the field, it was a little intimidating. The stars lit up the field all the way to the treeline of the woods. The trees danced with each other as the wind gusted against our skin to cool us down.

"We–" He said as he jumped down to the grass, a small smile on his lips. "Are going to create our own reality."

I gazed at him in awe. His smile was brighter than usual, thanks to the acid, but it was gorgeous. If it was any brighter, it may have blinded me. Even in the dead of Fall, he made my skin feel like it was Spring, surrounded by bursts of colors and refreshing air. His laughter that sung deep within him could raise lilacs and daisies from the driest of gardens.

He was a magnet, something I couldn't stay away from. A warm feeling flushed through my body as I felt my heart pull me towards him.

I crawled towards the end of the truck bed, taking his hand into mine as I jumped down. My feet hit the grass, and I let out a slow breath. I knew I was okay, but it was the high that was getting to me.

Maybe I was a little too high after all.

I looked down at the grass, watching the flecks of blades melt from under me. The wind that brushed my skin felt like a gentle hug, and when my blood-shot eyes flicked towards Harry, he stood close to my side. His presence warmed my insides, and my heart knocked against the bones of the cavity that homed it.

"Are you coming with me, Aurora?" His voice rang into my ear as he held our hands up together. I blinked hard, taking a step towards him as my grip tightened around his hand and nodded with a weak smile.

The euphoria I felt when he took off into the field nearly drowned me into a pool of happiness. Our hands interlocked with one another as we ran through the field, my mind that was once too overwhelmed with feeling, now became filled with the purest cocktail of dopamine and serotonin.

I watched the grass as my feet pranced through, and with each step, my feet melted into the dirt. My body felt like it was bouncing on a trampoline, reminding me of when I was a kid and my mom had bought me a small one to put out in the backyard for the summertimes.

Tops of the trees looked like they were breathing with each inhale I took. I let out a childish laugh as I gazed towards the stars that spread across the sky. The light kissed my skin and made me feel like I was glowing. I was my own star-being. I was being brought back to a time where nothing mattered, and they hugged me close to tell me all their secrets of the galaxy.

It brought tears that brimmed my eyeline as I slowed my running down. I let go of Harry's hand, bringing myself to my knees, placing my hands onto the ground. I couldn't help but laugh. It was all so unbelievable.

Being so out in the open in nature like this was like a library, I was eager to learn about everything it had to offer. The trees sang to me as the wind blew through them, immersing me into the most ancient melody they have ever sung.

It felt as though I was knowing of everything about what it had to offer–with my entire being. I peeled away my ego, exposing my soul to the rocks and trees. In this moment, I felt my heart fall out of the cavity of my chest and dig itself deep into the roots of the Earth.

The leaves crunched from under my hands, looking up at Harry who was just a few feet away from me. His breathing was fast, placing his hands onto his hips as his chest rose up and down.

"Aurora, what're you–"

Before he could say anything else, I grabbed a handful of leaves and threw them at him. He flinched, a gasp coming from him before he laughed out. He furrowed his brows, bending down to grab some leaves before running towards me.

"No!" I laughed out, tears streaming down my face as I quickly stood upright. My feet carried me as I ran from him, but I heard him coming up on me close. The downfall of being shorter than he was was that he had longer legs to run faster.

My belly hurt from laughing, and I was nearly breathless. I almost forgot where I was, and it felt so freeing. Before I knew it, I had landed into a pile of leaves. I fell with a thud, but it still didn't stop me from laughing.

Harry came from behind me, a high pitched laugh escaping his lips as he dropped the leaves. He put his hands onto his knees, bending over as giggles spilled from his lips continuously. The leaves crunched from under me, my hands feeling the roughness of them as I let out a soft sigh.

My body sank into the pile as if it was a sinkhole that was inviting me to suffocate in it, and I grabbed ahold of Harry's arm to come down with me. The grass underneath only pulled us down deeper in order to feel the comfort of Earth enwrap us together as one.

I opened my eyes to see him already gazing at me, the moon lighting up one side of his face. His eyes sparkled, twisting the faint colors of his irises that were noticeable in the minimal lighting the moon provided.

We shared laughter, echoing back and forth as it bounced around. The chuckles ricocheted off of each other's skin, tickling us as we buried deeper into the piles of fallen leaves.

My laugh got cut short as his hand shot up to my face, skirting around faintly. It took me off guard, as he looked closely at whatever he was brushing off of my cheek. His touch lingered heavily, sending small sparks of electricity through the atoms underneath my skin. His fingers felt like puddy, melting into me as he grazed them over so quickly.

"Your hair was in the way." He whispered softly, almost causing me to forget that we were just bent over laughing moments ago. "I like to see your face."

His wording caused the corners of my mouth to curl, partially from the awkwardness of the sentence, but mostly from knowing what he meant by it.

"I like to see your face, too." I replied back to him softly. I brushed my own hand in front of him, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear that had also fallen from its usual placement.

The twists and turns of his curls sent a rumbling feeling in my chest. I almost wanted to dive into them, swimming along the ridges as if they were the mightiest waves of the sea. I wanted to drown in them, get lost in that sea of his.

Without thinking twice, I inched my body closer to his. His eyes widened momentarily, but readjusted as he found comfort in the new proximity. Shockingly, there was no awkwardness in the silence that lingered between the two of us as we gazed into one another's eyes. I looked carefully at him as he reciprocated.

I wondered if he was surveying me in the way that I was to him. I wanted to understand him. I wanted to see what his eyes saw, feel what he felt, and hear what he heard.

A small leaf danced in the wind atop his head as my eyes continued to wander along his face and I smiled, plucking it away. I watched behind him as the leaf flew away in its own dance of freedom.

Freedom was all we ever needed in life and it could mean whatever we wanted it to. Tonight I didn't have to second guess every action I took, every action I chose, every breath I breathed. All I had to do was live in the moment and take it as it came.

I found my own freedom in that.

Just do whatever I felt I was supposed to.

Before I knew it, the space between us became nonexistent. His hands wrapped around my back as mine did the same to him, pulling us so close that we were glued together. All I could think about was the way his hands gripped against my back and the way his breaths hit against my lips.

I had never been so close to him before, yet it felt like I wasn't close enough.

My mouth collided with his softly, the breaths from his nose tickling against my skin as our lips moved together. His lips were soft like the skin of a peach, his fingers digging into my back as his breathing quickened.

I couldn't believe we were kissing. It felt so right—none of it wrong. All the silent tension between us had finally been broken, and within that, I felt a weight fall off my shoulders.

My fingers got lost into his hair as I pressed our bodies together, one of my legs swinging over to lock around his hip. My lips parted right as his did, my tongue poking out to slowly trace around his bottom lip. I felt his body shiver against me, a low moan escaping from his throat.

His touch set me on fire, my body screaming on the inside for me to do something. More. More. More. My brain was skewed. I had wanted this for so long, and I hadn't even realized it until now.

His tongue met mine, delicately, rubbing the tip against it. My body temperature rose as our tongues pushed against each other's. His large hand pressed harder against my back, causing my shirt to raise. The more contact I could get of our skin together was all I craved, especially as his fingers danced underneath my shirt. He placed them at the low of my back so he could feel me as if he could read my mind.

We were both breathless with the kiss, messily kissing one another until it turned into feverish making out. I fluttered my eyes open for a mere moment, just to look at the pleasure that spread across his face, but instead was met with something even better.

It was very gentle and vague, but it was there. The outline of his body glowed a beautiful purple color. I blinked hard, making sure that it wasn't the acid that was playing tricks on me, but it was Harry that was glowing.

"Are you okay?" I whispered softly against his lips as my fingers gently rubbed through the scalp of his hair. He breathed out unsteadily, his fingers shaking against my skin as he fluttered his eyes open to look up at me.

"More than okay." He whispered back to me, gulping thickly. "It feels really good to kiss you, Aurora."

I nodded my head slowly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. I adjusted my hips against his, and in doing so, had felt his cock that pressed hard against his pants. It was apparent, but something that I hadn't noticed when we were sharing a kiss. I looked down between us so I could get a good look at it, a smirk curved on my lips.

"I'm sorry, it's never done anything like this before." Harry whispered out, his cheeks red hot with embarrassment. "I can't seem to control it."

For a moment, I couldn't believe I had just given one of my friends a boner, but then again, I couldn't believe that we were all over each other. And to think, I was the one to give him that bliss of small excitement, one that apparently was his first. Even if it was just his first on Earth, I didn't care. It was hot.

"It's okay. I like it." I whispered to him, placing two fingers under his jaw as I made him look at me. I pressed my lips to him once more, starting to delve my tongue across his bottom lip. He let out a low moan, his tongue meeting mine to rub against.

I adjusted my hips once more to meet his hardened cock, and surely got a reaction out of him when I brushed against it. His tongue went still, his nails digging into my skin as he tried to steady his breathing once more.

I pressed my forehead against his, letting out a shaky breath as my core started to throb. He wasn't the only one that was excited. I could feel myself start to ache in pleasure. And almost as if on cue, Harry bucked his hips forward, just once, and that was it for me.

I placed a hand onto his cheek, pulling our hips together as I rocked mine against his. I knew he needed the relief, and I couldn't imagine the drastic difference in sensation that he was feeling. Harry breathed out into my mouth, his hand quickly going to my hips as he felt my core grind against his throbbing cock.

"Aurora–" He gasped out as his eyes fluttered to the back of his head, pressing his forehead against my cheek. I could hear his breathing start to pick up even quicker, his fingernails were digging so deep into my skin that I thought he was going to break the surface.

"It feels good?" I whispered into his ear, breathlessly, a moan following after it. Harry pressed an open mouth kiss to my jaw, his tongue darting out to lap up my skin carefully. I could feel my arousal spread around in my panties.

"Feels really–fuckin' good." Harry growled against my skin. His hand left my hip as it grabbed the back of my neck and clashed our lips together once more. This time he had control, something that I had never seen of him. This was most certainly a side that I never thought I would have ever seen.

I liked it. Really fucking liked it.

His hand went to the back of my ass, having a tight grip on it as his hips started to roll harshly against mine. He moaned into my mouth, sending shivers down my spine. I felt like I was on cloud-fucking-nine. If we didn't stop now, I was going to take it further–something I wasn't sure if Harry was ready for.

Placing a hand onto his chest, I slowed down the kissing until we came to a full stop. I knew myself. I knew that I would crush under pressure and potentially go further. It was Harry, someone that sparked a fire inside of me, and if anything he had a sense of irresistibility to me. I wasn't sure why, but he just did.

"I'm sorry—" He swallowed thickly, his hips coming to a full stop. I looked down between us, seeing that there was a small wet spot on his zipper. I chuckled. He was wet because of me. It was a proud moment.

I was fortunate he couldn't see the similar fate between my own legs, too.

"Don't be sorry." I said breathlessly, running my hand over his cheek slowly. He stared into my eyes with awe, a glint of adoration. I was looking at him just the same.

"I just—" He pulled from my body, leaving a cold feeling as he rolled onto his back, his eyes fluttering closed. "Give me a second to calm down."

I could have done a lot of things to take care of his problem. It was all in the open for me. I was sure, if prompted, he would have let me, but it seemed that he felt embarrassed for feeling something so strongly. Something that he may have never felt before.

"Have you ever..." I rolled over towards him, gesturing towards his boner that seemed to be calming down. "Had...sex?"

He swallowed thickly, a silence following after my invasive question. His eyes opened slowly, staring up into the sky as he placed his hands onto his chest.

"Back home, yes." He said honestly.

"Is it different?" I scooted myself towards him, placing a hand onto his. I was curious. Was the sensation different? Did they do it differently than humans?

"It's more soul binding than it is pleasurable, but I suppose that you could say that it's different—sensation wise." He glanced towards me out of the corner of his eye. "I'm not blind to the logic of how humans make love to one another, but it is very different on my planet. We can of...blend into one being, if that makes sense."

Soul binding? Blending together? It sounded interesting—almost devastatingly beautiful in a way.

"Oh, okay." I whispered out, nodding towards him. A sudden gust of wind rushed past us, now realizing how chilly it had gotten. How long had we been out here for? It felt like ages, but it couldn't have been more than an hour. Although, my drug-induced mind was never a good timekeeper anyway.

I shivered, rubbing my arms slowly. Harry looked towards me with a frown, noticing how cold I had suddenly become.

"Here." He said softly as he leaned up, pulling the jacket he had off his body before wrapping it around my back. He fixed the arms so it would cover the front of me as well.

"You didn't have to—" I tried to object, but he shook his head, putting a hand up to me.

"Being cold reminds me of home." He said softly as he sank back into the pile of leaves. "It is mostly cold where I am from, so the temperature doesn't bother me all that bad. I actually quite like it."

I hummed again softly, almost envisioning myself on his home planet. I had no idea what it could have possibly looked like, but it was fun to imagine myself walking around on my own drawn-out idea. In my mind, everyone floated in their star-being form. I figured they all resembled what Harry looked like when he showed me his true self, too. They were all beautiful as they brushed past one another. Maybe it was like one big campsite on a moon-like surface. Maybe they could even touch the nearby stars if they wanted to. Its cold touch only tickling against their own fingertips, completely unaffected by the human reality to their environment.

"Should we head back?" I broke in, shifting my attention in his direction.

He blinked at me for a second, as if he was first observing my facial features before he could process the words that came out of my mouth along with it. I partially wondered if he was still seeing the things that I was currently seeing, his face mildly shifting in the darkness. Shockingly, it didn't freak me out at all. Somehow it only seemed to highlight the beauty that was permanently etched into him.

He nodded his head. "Sure, let's go. Although, I'm not quite sure how to get back." A slight twinge of worry twirled in his already-twirling face, but I couldn't help but smile.

"It's okay. I'll get us back. C'mon." I quickly shot myself up, extending a hand down towards him.

It was slightly funny how quickly the air around us had shifted. I had almost forgotten that only moments ago we had the most intimate moment we had ever shared together. That was much more than just a simple hug. It made my stomach jolt lightly as I considered it.

It was just the drugs though, right?

Harry placed his hand into mine, shooting himself up just as quick. It sparked a newfound energy in me and I ran towards the car, giggling as I did so. I didn't look back as I heard him laugh to himself as well. I could imagine the dimples embedded into his cheeks as he grinned behind me, running to catch up.

"Hey! Wait up!" He giggled out breathlessly.

"You were given those long legs for a reason, Starboy!" I yelled over my shoulder.

I could see Ryan's truck coming up, reflecting against the moonlight that shone so brightly above. For some reason, it felt like a rush of warmth seeing it. It was like coming home after a long vacation, ready to sleep in your own bed or breathe your own air. I almost wanted to run up to it and hug it.

My arms pushed against the truck as I used it to stop myself from running into it. I turned behind me to see where Harry was, but he was much closer than I thought as he almost instantaneously met me at my other side.

"You like to run when you're on substances it seems." Harry huffed out in between heavy breaths.

"Running's fun." I smiled, breathing out just as quickly.

He snorted lightly, hanging his head between his shoulders as his arms leaned against the truck. I watched him as his body rose and fell from the influx of breaths from our little adventure. The idea that he looked so human, acted so human – but wasn't – was beyond my mind's current comprehension.

His head shot up, his brows furrowing into a frown. His sudden change in demeanor took me off guard and it made my heart feel heavy in my chest.

"Where's Nina and Ryan?"

I spun my head to the left and right of me, squinting my eyes to allow them to adjust to the distance in the dark. While the moon was shining, it didn't provide much guidance past a certain point. Plus the dancing grass due to tripping wasn't much help either.

"You think they fell asleep?" He asked again, walking off to the side as he squinted his eyes as well. "Should we call her?"

I patted my pockets, pulling the phone from my back pocket. I was a little shocked that I hadn't lost it. It was a common occurrence when I was either drunk or high, my phone always was at fault for my poor decision making during those times.

A buzzing from the truck bed sounded out as I heard the rings coming from my phone.

"Shit." I repeated as I slid the phone back in my pocket. "She left her phone here. Of course."

"What do we do?" Harry asked with a shakiness to his voice.

I didn't want to think of worst-case scenarios. I knew Nina and knew that she wouldn't do anything too stupid. She probably had just run out of view. Honestly, they were probably doing what Harry and I had started – except actually finishing it.

"I'm sure they're okay. We can wait in the truck bed for them if you want. She's done this before, she always comes back." I smiled at him in hopes to ease his nerves.

His face appeared to relax as he nodded his head, pulling himself up into the back of the truck. He leaned out one of his hands as I reached for it, pulling me up.

It was silent for a bit as we adjusted into the makeshift bed that was made. Luckily, sober me wasn't there to judge the comfort of it. I would have been lying if I said I wasn't slightly nervous because she didn't have her phone on her, but I also knew Nina. This was definitely like her, and while I didn't like it, she knew how to handle her own. She was probably having the time of her life just like we were.

"I'll stay awake and wait for her if you want to go to sleep." Harry offered behind me under the covers already.

I shook my head, giggling at him. "You sure? That sounds boring."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't mind. I just wanna make sure she's okay."

I smiled. I knew sleep wasn't in my near-future forecast, but it had to be approaching eventually. It was hard to resist seeing him all bundled up in the warmth of the covers I brought from home. It was a burnt orange with crochet stitching in the details. My eyes twisted around each knot, losing sight of reality again.

"Aurora?" Harry whispered out in a concerned manner, sitting up from his spot.

My eyes shifted back to him and I instinctively smiled back at him. "I'm good. Yeah, we'll do that."

His expression softened as he lowered himself back down, exposing an opening of the covers for me to join him in. It didn't take any hesitation to venture closer, shimmying my cold body into the warmth of his.

For someone who said he enjoyed the coldness of his home planet, he always seemed to be wrapped with a body temperature that was inviting in the best way. Whether it was in his hugs or when we were wrapped up together, lips clashing into one another's. Feeling his arms wrap tightly around myself only strengthened that feeling that I had initially felt upon running up to the truck.

Home.

Harry felt like home. He was my home.

a/n: long time no see!! i’ve missed u guys and starboy so much. re-reading this chapter was so :’) sunny & i went through a lot of effort with this one so i rly rly hope everyone enjoys it & thank u for sticking around with starboy <3

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kwritingbooks · 2 years

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co-written by me & @shroombloomm

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Aurora waking up to the realization of what all happened the day before wasn’t exactly the best way to start her morning, but what welcomes her afterwards seems a bit more enticing. Hopefully she wouldn’t take something like that for granted. Right?

AU: star-being!harry x astronomy-student!aurora

AURORA’S POV

The heaviness of my eyelids peaked open, revealing the new morning light encompassing itself throughout the room. Everything looked just as it normally did, minus a clothing item or two that I had lazily slung across the room at some other time.

Everything was normal until I realized that it wasn't. At least not after last night. But, that wasn't the initial shock of realization I had that morning. The issue at the forefront of my newly awakening mind was the fact that there was an empty space beside me on the bed. The indentions of his previously laid body were still evident as I sat up.

The way our pinkies intertwined with one another's throughout the night looped in my mind as I stared at his empty side of the bed. I even recalled waking up in the middle of our slumber to not having moved from the original placement we had fallen asleep in. Maybe that was why I was slightly taken aback upon waking up, I expected us to still have not moved.

I at least hoped he was still here and hadn't gone home yet.

My hand reached up to my face as I rubbed the residual sleepiness out of my eyes. There was still a slight pain in my neck, and I was scared that there was going to be marks. The last thing I needed was to go back on campus with bruises etched all along my throat. I didn't need anyone asking questions over it. I couldn't risk Harry's safety any more than it already had been.

Only now did I realize how much was at stake and how easily life could stop at any moment. No longer did these scenarios feel like a movie plotline or some mystical fairytale. This was real life, and real life had consequences if you didn't make the one right move you needed to. I had to be digilant.

I heard a bark in the distance and my eyes immediately opened wide.

"Astro!" I excitedly said aloud, throwing the covers off my body.

She sat near the bedroom door, her tail wagging vigorously at it. She kept exchanging looks between myself and the door, as if whatever was behind the hunk of wood was more interesting than me.

I laughed as I patted her back. "What could be so important, hm?"

As I swung the door open, the waft of what must have gotten her excited came in. I furrowed my brows as I stuck my nose in the air, trying to decipher what I was smelling. Astro didn't seem to care what it was, because she immediately ran right past to get to the source. I walked slowly after her, still not totally sure if what I was smelling was cause for alarm or excitement.

I knew I was hungry, but depending on what was going on right around the corner, I wasn't sure if it would be much help or not. It was definitely food related and something was definitely burning, but there was still a sweet smell that tried to break through the burnt scent.

The wreckage of last night was still scattered along the living room, with different pieces of furniture either knocked down or involuntarily moved in the process of the fight. The scene I was looking at almost made me want to go hide back in my room, suddenly worried that another light guardian had broken in and started burning my food for some reason.

That worry didn't last long when suddenly I heard a faint, disgruntled voice in the background.

"Can you slow down?" Harry groaned in an exasperated breath.

I rounded the corner, my curiosity completely piqued now. I hoped it wasn't Astro giving him a hard time. She was known for her sporadic bursts of energy. It could overwhelm just about anyone.

"Wait! Hold on– I'm not done yet!" He blurted.

My head peeked inside as I entered, searching around the room. His back was turned to me, but I could see a little bow tied around his waist from my old kitchen apron. It was white with pink and yellow embroidered flowers in it. The little lace details paired nicely against his skin as he anxiously whisked away at the batter in the bowl. Little pieces flew out in different directions while one hand spun and another was flicking through something on his phone.

"Hello?" He stopped mixing, allowing the bowl to clatter back down on the counter as he used both hands to tap away on his screen. His nose was practically up against the glass as he peered closely at it, waving his hand. "Hello?"

A plate of pancakes–or what I assumed to be pancakes–were stacked on top in one huge pile on the other side of the counter. Each one was a varying shade of brown, with an occasional black one. I was almost sure if I bit into it, it would crumble at the touch. Most looked edible though. It seemed to get better as the pile grew higher.

"How does Aurora like these things? I hate cell phones." He mumbled under his breath, pushing it out of his way as he poured more pancake batter into the pan. Steam rushed upwards and I watched Harry as he swatted away the cloud, seeming annoyed by it all.

A giggle escaped my mouth as I continued to watch everything happen. He seemed so flustered, but so determined at the same time. I wondered how long he had been doing this already. Considering the amount of cakes that had already stacked up, I had to say it was probably longer than he would have liked to admit.

It was cute, though.

"Harry?" I spoke up with a small smile, crossing my arms across my chest.

He spun sharply around, a look of fright expressed on his face. My smile grew wider. Somehow that was most endearing of all. He must have even forgotten I was sleeping here to begin with.

"Oh! Aurora. I didn't mean to wake you up. I wanted to surprise you, but this lady on the phone is the least bit helpful." He huffed, pointing a thumb covered in batter towards the device behind him.

I laughed again as I walked forward. "What lady on the phone?" My eyes locked on it, another dollop of batter had adorned itself on the screen. If it wasn't for the fact that it was so endearing, and my house wasn't already trashed from yesterday, I might have been annoyed by the mess. But, I couldn't, no matter how hard I wanted to.

"I don't know. Some lady on YouTube? I told that lady Siri you told me about to help me make pancakes and she pulled up a video, but this YouTube lady just ignores me! I keep asking her to slow down and she won't! She just keeps going and going and g–"

"Harry!" I chuckled, picking his phone up to reveal the video he was watching. "YouTube is just a video. She can't hear you." I handed it back to him after wiping off the mess from the screen. He drew his eyebrows downwards, a look of confusion directed towards the phone.

"But you and Nina video all the time?" He crooked his head to the side, peering closely at the hunk of metal held in his palm. "And she replies back when you ask her questions." He looked back at me with a hand on his hip.

"That's a FaceTime call. It's like a regular phone call but like with a live view on their camera. YouTube is already a recorded video from the past, okay?" I smiled at him reassuringly and nodded my head towards the stove behind him. "But that lady would probably want you to flip those pancakes soon unless you wanna learn what fire alarms sound like this early in the morning."

His eyes widened momentarily and he spun back around, flipping it immediately. I let out a soft chuckle as I made my way towards the counter. I picked up the pancakes, sifting through the burnt ones and throwing them in the trash while he wasn't looking.

I peered over to him out of the corner of my eye, noticing the small black clip that I was familiar with, which was currently busy holding his bangs back. I pursed my lips, adjusting to face him as I leaned against the counter.

"Is that my hair clip?" I asked, tilting my head.

"Hair cli–" Harry repeated to himself as he placed the pancakes onto the plate. "Ah, the clip in my hair? Yes, I found it in your restroom this morning. I hope you don't mind. My hair is a bit...longer than I would like it to be. It tickles sometimes."

I breathed out a chuckle, pushing myself off the counter as I turned towards the cabinet. I might as well have been useful for something, so I reached above in order to start getting extra plates out for us.

"Do you need a cut soon?" I placed the dishes down beside him, letting Harry put the non-burnt pancakes onto the plate. "I have a good hair stylist downtown. I could take you there sometime."

"A cut? Does it hurt?" Harry frowned as he pulled out the forks, placing them onto the plates. "It sounds like it hurts."

"It doesn't hurt, I promise." I smiled at him as I glanced over. "It's just hair. It doesn't hurt to cut it. See, watch–" I paused for a second, disregarding the increasingly perplexed expression on his face only a few feet away.

I opened a couple different drawers, closing them promptly after not seeing what I was on the hunt for. After another try of scouring the area, finally the kitchen scissors met my eye as they beamed excitingly at them.

With one swift movement, I spun around with a pair of kitchen scissors in hand and a small bit of hair held tightly in another. One of his eyebrows was raised with another furrowed.

"Aurora...What are you doing?" Harry sputtered out in a question. It looked like he wanted to reach for the scissors to take them away, but was too scared himself to touch something so sharp.

Clip.

"See?" I sat the scissors down and extended an open hand in front of him. Little fragments of hair that were previously attached to my head sprinkled along my palm, some flying away from the fan blowing. He watched in horror, wincing at the thought of pain that I could have gone through from it.

"That didn't hurt? You cut part of yourself off!" He exclaimed wide-eyed, examining a singular strand of hair between his fingers now. He watched it as it flew away, disappearing within a fraction of a second.

"No, Harry." I laughed. "It didn't hurt, and it'll even grow back."

"Oh." He flashed a small smile, but he still looked mildly uncomfortable. "Okay." He nodded.

I wasn't totally sure he actually believed me, but if I heard that for the first time I might have looked at the other person like they were crazy too.

We grabbed our plates and made our way towards the table. It wasn't a full dining table. I never got one because I never had anybody over. It was just a small table with two mixmatched chairs that I had bought from the flea-market. It was close enough to a dining table. I always thought it gave it some personality, too.

I poured the syrup all along my pancakes. I didn't notice how hungry I was until I sat down with food in front of me. I usually never had much of an appetite in the mornings, but there was something about having pancakes that seemed very soothing. It was like a comfort thing, especially after last night.

I looked from my plate to see Harry's brows pinched together tightly in confusion at the syrup on the pancakes. He had the bottle in his hand, peering at it in curiosity before he drowned his in the sugary topping as well.

"That's enough!" I gaped, taking the bottle from his hands with a small chuckle. "That's–that's a lot. You're gonna have a sugar rush."

"Sorry, I just–I didn't know how much to put on there." He laughed nervously, taking the fork into his hand as he looked down at his breakfast. "So how does one eat–pancakes?"

"You just cut them up into small pieces." I showed him as I used the side of my fork to cut through the spongy food, then put it into my mouth with a hum. It was actually really good. It made me feel a lot better, just tasting the sweetness of it all.

Harry watched in awe, then did the same thing with his fork and began to eat through the small stack on his plate. He struggled momentarily until he figured out the right amount of force to apply to the cutlery. It was almost like watching someone use their hands for the first time. Basically, it was entertaining to say the least.

"So...what happens if you eat? Does it hurt? Does it do anything?" I fired off questions at him. He had never really told me about his eating habits, or how he processed it.

"Well." He swallowed his food, rubbing his mouth with a napkin as he let out a soft breath. "In my human form, we process it the same. I don't really have to eat, it doesn't really do anything for me. I can still taste the food, but I never crave it or need it. I get my energy source elsewhere."

"That's–interesting." I nodded, taking another bite of my food. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Harry was this star-being and not a human like he looked. It was so weird given that he talked, walked, looked and, well, somewhat acted like a human. Little did I know beforehand that he could transform into something so beautiful– with purple skin and a glowing ambience around him.

I had even wondered if there were other star-beings that I had run into that I didn't know were from a different planet, too. It was crazy to think about. There were so many possibilities. I was sure it didn't start or stop with beings like Harry. There had to be multitudes of beings that came in all shapes and forms.

"You know, I don't think you've ever told me how old you really are. I'm assuming you're not as old as you look." I mumbled, glancing towards him. Harry continued to eat, chewing and swallowing down the thick cakes. He stilled for a moment, peering towards the wall before he cracked a smile.

"I'm old." He said with a chuckle. "I am very old. Well, to humans. In my star-form, I am actually very young compared to others."

"Everyone is young, or old, compared to others." I retorted with a snort. "Tell me, how old are you really?"

"I am, uh..." He cleared his throat, pushing the empty plate away. "I am two thousand years old back home."

"Two thousand?" I gaped, looking over him in shock. I hadn't thought about how he could have been way older. It never crossed my mind. He didn't even look that age, even in his star form.

"Don't make me sound old, Aurora, jeez." Harry slightly pouted. "It's really not that old. We age differently where I'm from."

"Well, apparently." I joked with a snort.

I piled another mouthful of pancakes into my mouth, peering up at him as I watched him do the same. He always seemed like he was in his own little world. Everything was beautiful and interesting to him, even things I had seen a million times before– or tasted a million times before. It made me wonder what exactly it was that was normal for him.

Just from the small taste of it I had gotten thus far told me that it probably would shock me even more than he was shocked about Earthly things. The thought alone made me set my fork down, no longer interested in eating anything else. An uncomfortable feeling nestled itself in the pit of my stomach as I considered the dangerous possibilities of what my future could include.

"Harry?" My voice softly spoke as I gazed up at him. He had already ventured off to the kitchen sink, rinsing off his syrupy remnants left on the plate.

"Yes?" He called out, placing it gingerly into the water to soak. Little suds of soap sprinkled along his arms as he walked back over to the table.

"How do I know I'm going to be safe? What would have happened if you didn't come when you did? What if it happens again and you don't make it in time?" I asked shakily.

My head hung low as I fidgeted with my hands in my lap. I had never felt unsafe in a place I lived before, mostly because I was taught how to protect myself if a situation arose. But what could I do about a being that could make my dog sleep with a snap of his fingers, possibly even end my life that easily, too?

"I'll protect you, Aurora. It's my job, remember?" He crooked his head lower to try and match our eyes together. I fought the urge to look up, knowing it would only make me that much more nervous.

"I know, but what if you can't?" The glumness of my tone was depressing all in itself– even for me. "I'm not saying you won't try your best or you're not capable, I'm only saying that the future can't be predicted. Who knows what could happen?"

I glanced upwards, almost instantly regretting it when I saw the look on his face. He looked upset and a little hurt from the realization. It was as if this was the first time he considered that he might not be able to know exactly when I needed him.

It was silent for a few moments as we both sat there in our respective seats across from each other. I heard Astro sigh as she laid on the floor next to my feet. I had half the heart to sigh with her, overcome with the reality my life now was subjected to. Not that I even knew what all that entirely meant just yet. That was the scary part.

What was to come?

All of a sudden, Harry jumped from his chair, causing a scraping noise from the scratching against the tile. Before I could even ask him what he was doing, or where he was going, he had already disappeared from the kitchen. Astro had perked her head up, but she looked too tired to chase after him. She must have worn herself out from all the begging she did for Harry's pancakes.

I waited patiently, tapping away on my knee with my fingers. I tried to listen for any clues on what he was searching for. A few moments later, Harry reappears through the entryway, with something hidden in both of his hands.

I immediately scooted away, in fear that he was carrying something alive behind those fingers.

"Harry, what is that?" I cautiously asked, giving him another confused expression as I look back and forth from him to his hands.

He opened his palm, showcasing some kind of circular gadget inside. My eyebrows furrowed as I stepped forward slowly, ready to sprint away at a moment's notice.

"It's an amulet. See the moonstones and how they sparkle?" He extended his arm outwards, offering me to hold it. "This can help protect you from light guardians."

I stood inches away from the object, still perplexed by the look of it. The stones wrapping around the metal was beautiful. It looked like it was custom made by some kind of wizard that had all the tools one could ever need in the world– in the galaxy. I could hardly believe that it was real to begin with.

I reached for it, twirling it around in my hand. It felt cool to the touch, the rough details rubbing amongst the pads of my fingers. I gripped it tightly in my palm, trying to soak it all in and how it felt. It was definitely real, whatever it was.

"How does it work? Do I just wear it or..." I trailed off, now dangling it in front of my eyes. It sparkled against the sunlight that peeked in through the kitchen window. I could even see it sparkle back into Harry's eyes as he watched me explore the workings of it.

He reached his hand out. "May I show you?" He asked kindly. I nodded my head, placing it gingerly back into his grasp.

"It opens like this." He paused as he pushed against the sides, allowing it to immediately spring open to an even more intricate object than before. Light reflected against it, leaving a beam of light to flash against the wall in the opposite direction.

"They only come out during the day, so you just need to have a source of light in order for it to reflect. Each light guardian has a marking, or a tattoo as you people call it, and it'll reflect against it. This will tell you if it's one of them or not. It'll also stun them, allowing you time to run away or make your next move." He closed it back into his palm, the light quickly dissolving with it. He handed it back to me while I continued to stare at him like I had just seen a ghost.

It wasn't that I couldn't believe something like a light reflection amulet could exist, it was the why it existed that was baffling to me. Any minute now I should've woken up from this dream, reminding me that there really was no way that something like this could be happening. Let alone happening to someone like me.

"Okay." I nodded, tucking it safely into my pocket. "I'll keep it with me."

His lips curled in a satisfied grin. "Good. When I go back home, I'll bring back a book about you so maybe that'll help understand everything more. Okay?"

I grew excited. "Wait, you guys have books, too?"

He threw his head back in a laugh. "Why, yes, Aurora. We have books. While they are Earth's fairytale books, they are our historical books. We read them to understand our deep history that expands way past any information of your planet."

"Can you bring me some? I would love to read them." I smiled wide, clasping my hands together in front of me in a fit of excitement. I couldn't help but get carried away with the idea.

His face didn't quite match up with the expression on mine, though. He even let out a small sigh. "I think that would be too risky. Let's just start with what you need to know, okay?"

"Okay, I understand. Thank you, Harry." I smiled, reaching a hand towards him. I wanted to pull him in for a hug, but I refrained against it for some reason. It was almost like I was too nervous to go through with it. It confused me considering I was not the type to get flustered or nervous around guys. But this was Harry, and he wasn't just some guy either.

"Speaking of, I will have to leave tomorrow, Aurora. I've got to recharge and talk to my father about what's happened. He's probably not going to be very happy, but I have to do it." He sighed again and bit at his lip before looking back at me.

"Wait, who's going to protect me while you're gone? Wouldn't this be the perfect time for them to attack?" My voice raised an octave as I nervously began to pace back and forth.

I clutched tightly at the amulet in my pocket. It was better to have this on me, but I didn't feel ready to tackle the world all by myself. Not yet just after the invasion where I almost died. I wasn't ready. I couldn't be.

"You're going to be okay. We can watch you from the stars. You're safe. I'll send someone down if I need to. Just use your amulet and what you know. Don't do anything super risky. Maybe you could stay with Nina until I'm back." He said as he walked towards me. He rested one of his hands on my arm and I quickly stopped pacing, looking up at him as he stared at me. His touch seemed to calm me down subtly, no longer feeling the urge to jump out of my skin and hide forever.

I nodded my head. "Okay, Harry. I trust you. I'll call Nina."

I showed up at Nina's around seven o'clock with a bag of clothes and Astro. I didn't want to push myself onto Harry; he already had a lot on his plate and I didn't want to invite myself to stay with him. He had already done so much for me and I didn't want to take advantage of that. He provided me with something to keep me safe and I trusted him that it would. I had to trust him for any of this to work. Hopefully, I wouldn't ever have to use it, but I also wasn't completely naive either.

Nina was nice enough to let me stay with her until we could get my door fixed and maybe a better lock. It made me nervous thinking about staying at home, but there was no way that they would be able to find me here at Nina's. At least that was what I hoped.

I still hadn't a clue how they even found where I lived before. I could only guess that they had followed Harry back to my house and that was how they knew. Other than that, I didn't really have a lot of answers towards the situation.

"Hey, bestie." Nina smiled wide as she opened the front door, stepping to the side to let me in.

"Hey, thanks so much for letting me stay. I can't believe there's a–rat infestation at my apartment. Crazy, right?" I chuckled nervously as I walked into the apartment. Astro ran in from behind me, immediately making her way towards the couch to lay beside.

I couldn't tell Nina what was going on. I didn't want her to get dragged into the mix. Plus, I had promised Harry I wouldn't tell anybody. If he wanted Nina to know, then he would tell her. Until then, I basically had to lie to her, which I didn't want to do, but I had to. I had never lied to Nina before in our entire friendship. It made my skin crawl and I hated it.

"Yeah, your landlord needs to get their shit together." She said in disgust, closing the door with her foot. She made her way into the kitchen, and I heard glasses clinking together along with liquid being poured. I knew what that sound meant.

"They are taking care of the problem. Should only take a few days." I said as I laid onto the couch in the same spot I had always taken. Nina's apartment was so cute. Way cuter than mine. I had envied her on that aspect of things.

She had tapestries pinned up all around her apartment with fake vines hanging from the ceiling. An adornment of cozy lighting hung from it as well, some vines intertwining with the cords harmoniously. Decorative pillows, small cozy circle chairs, and a therapeutic sand garden sat in their respective places, only drawing me into the relaxing ambience even more. Plants that were in random places, and a large bookshelf that left no more room–not even for one book–were the cherries on top. She had definitely put a lot of money into making her home feel like her home.

I envied it.

"Well, it feels like I haven't seen you in days." Nina pouted as she walked into the room with two glasses of mysterious liquid. And by mysterious, I meant alcohol. Her specialty.

"It has been a while, hasn't it?" I half laughed as I took the mixed drink from her hand. "I've just been so busy with–"

"With Harry." Nina nudged my arm, a smirk spread across her lips before taking a sip of her drink. "Just admit it, you two like each other. Jeez. It doesn't take rocket science to see that."

"What? God, Nina." I nearly choked on my drink, holding a hand under my chin as I launched myself forward. I shook my head, passing a half laugh. "You're insane, that's what you are. I don't like Harry. He's just a good friend, that's all."

"Good friend? Sure." Nina rolled her eyes, scoffing. "I see the way you two look at one another. You two are totally into each other. I was just telling Ryan about it too and he agrees."

"Ryan has never even met Harry." I scoffed with an eye roll. "You two are insufferable."

"Ryan will be meeting Harry. Tomorrow. The party, remember?" Nina hummed softly as she turned her body towards the TV. She had RuPaul on again, but I couldn't complain. This was our TV show we watched together every time I came over.

"The party–?" I stopped myself, pinching my eyes shut for a moment as I sighed. "Shit, the party–Nina, I really don't think we should bring Harry to that party. I just don't think he would...like it. You saw how the last one went."

I had to be careful with my wordings around Nina. It wasn't necessarily that Harry wouldn't like it, but it was more that I was worried about him being around our group. We had started this new tradition where we had a party whenever the seasons changed for the equinox. We did it during the spring time and it was a lot of fun.

I was just worried that Harry wouldn't like it because sometimes my friends could be a bit too much. It was one thing for other people to be blubbering idiots, but we were idiots in our own way.

I just wasn't sure if Harry would...get it.

I suppose it was fear of him getting, or feeling, left out. That was all. Plus, I didn't want to accidentally overwhelm him.

"Harry already said he would come." Nina stopped me, turning herself in my direction. "He told me himself."

"He did?" I contorted my face in confusion. "When did you see him?"

"I saw him at the library the other day. He said he would come." She shrugged, giving me a once over. "He was just–studying, that was all."

"Oh..." I pursed my lips, looking down into my drink.

It was okay. Really. I guess I did feel slightly weird about it, but I suppose I had forgotten for a mere moment that Harry had a life outside of me and the war. He had school, too. At that, he also enjoyed reading and studying. That was one of the first things I had learned about him.

I normally studied a lot more, too. But, recently, I guess I had been caught up with...other pressing matters.

"You know what we should do?" Nina said as she watched me pout to myself. She sat her drink down as she stood to her feet, stretching her arms out. "We should go to the bar. Just me and you. Let's just drink and–not care about anything for the night. How's that sound?"

I chuckled at her as I shook my head at the idea. It had been a while since I went to the bar, or properly got drunk. I suppose one night wouldn't be too bad.

"Sure, okay." I said meekly.

"Yes! Okay, we are gonna look really hot and get free drinks–but just don't tell Ryan." She giggled as she locked arms with me, pulling me to stand with her. I rolled my eyes as my feet followed her into the bedroom.

This was going to be a long night.

We got to the bar around nine o'clock. It took forever for Nina to get ready, but I was ready in minutes. She was always obsessed over her makeup, or which flowers she wanted to put into her hair for the night.

She decided on a set of red ones, pairing them with a beautiful tight red dress and heels. I, on the other hand, went with a short black skirt with a cropped button up that hugged my body just right. My chunky black Doc Marten boots were the perfect match for what I was going for.

We truly were a different pair, but in the best way possible. It was how it always was. If you looked at us and didn't know us beforehand, you probably wouldn't suppose we would be friends.

We had two completely personalities, but Nina always helped me get out of my shell if I felt like I was stuck in a rut. She was an amazing friend in that sense. Without her, I probably would have stayed holed up in my room when I first moved here, never to break out of my previous sense of comfort.

There were cars littering the parking lot, though I wasn't surprised for a Friday night. It was always so busy on weekends. I had pushed through my anxiety that rose inside of me as we walked through the doors, the music immediately vibrating through my body.

Taking a deep breath, I linked arms with Nina and walked straight to the bar where we sat down on the stools. This bar always reeked of cigarettes and whisky. I didn't quite know why Nina liked going here, but I could only guess that it was because the drinks were so cheap.

"Two tequila shots, make it doubles." Nina said over the loud music, gesturing her hand with a smile that sank into her cheeks.

"Starting off strong, yeah?" I taunted her, resting my hand onto my cheek while my elbow propped against the bar.

"Always." She smirked.

I looked around the bar, noticing the college kids near the back that were goofing off with pool sticks. Some were sitting on the sidelines, chugging down beer like neanderthals and others were hitting each other with the pool weapons. I rolled my eyes as I watched the bartender walk over to scold them.

It was a disaster.

"Searching for someone?" Nina nudged me back to reality.

"I just don't get how guys can be so stupid." I said plainly, shaking my head as I grabbed the shot that was placed in front of us. "They just–do dumb shit all the time. It's quite...interesting to watch."

"You shouldn't be surprised." She said right before downing the double shot. I could never get over how easily she could take shots without choking.

But, all I could do was try to be half as good as her.

So.

Bottoms up.

I let out a loud gasp after taking the shot. My eyes rolled back, placing a hand over my mouth as I hissed. I would never get used to downing hard liquor that quickly. I could already feel the effects of it kick in, but I wasn't surprised. I had only eaten pancakes this morning and not much else. All the stress and anxiety had really eaten away at my appetite.

No pun intended.

"You know, Ryan is so much different." Nina spoke as she peered at the guys next to the pool table. "I'm really glad that Ryan isn't stupid like those guys over there. He is really dedicated to school, and not only that, but he's a computer engineer too. It's really impressive."

"Computer engineer? I didn't expect that of him." I cackled. "I thought he was just some Alpha O'mega–whatever the fuck. Those frat boys. You know how they are."

"I mean, he's definitely a frat boy, but he's different from the rest. He takes school seriously. I like that about him." She hummed, swaying her body on the chair to the music.

All of this talk had made me think of Harry again. About how he took his school seriously, too. He wasn't quite like any guy I had met either–well, star-being? Thing? I didn't know what to call him. But he was different.

Right off the bat, we got along. It may have taken me a second to warm up to him, but I understand why he was like that now. The night that we laid underneath the stars and he told me stories of the Greeks' forbidden love. Or the night when he talked about the orion belt. The pure passion oozing from him sucked me in. I couldn't lie.

We just had so much in common, I couldn't help but feel something towards him. I didn't know quite yet what that something was, but it was definitely something for sure.

"Hello? Earth to Aurora? Take this shot with me!" Nina whined, pushing the double shot right in front of me, allowing the alcohol to lightly drip onto the counter. I shook my head, letting out a soft sigh as I felt the burning liquid rush down my throat once more.

The burning eased slightly, but not as much as I would have liked it to. I had to get drunk to fully relinquish the burn of each shot. More so now, if I was going to keep shooting alcohol down like this.

"Thinking about Harry?" Nina brought her attention back to me with a knowing look. "Girl, I'm telling you, if you have feelings for him–"

"Nina, I don't have feelings for Harry!" I said, more annoyed this time.

I hated when people picked me apart like that. My mom already did that to me earlier, insisting on me bringing someone home for the holidays. I didn't know why, but it just felt like people were putting expectations on me and I hated it. I hated the way it made me feel.

"Who's Harry?" A husky voice came from behind me, nearly startling me out of my chair.

I turned my body around just to see Brandon standing from behind me. I gave him a look over, pursing my lips as I let out a relieved sigh. At least it was someone I knew.

Although, the last time I saw Brandon was at that frat party and Harry did not like him at all. I didn't blame him, though. Sometimes Brandon just came on really strong and that was just the kind of person he was.

He was also kind of a dick for that reason, though, too. We had slept together once and he kept blowing my phone up ever since. I was never a person to sleep with the same person more than once, especially if they were constantly texting me and asking me when it was going to happen next. I got overwhelmed easily by it. Like I said, I hated living up to other's expectations of myself.

It wasn't that Brandon was terrible in bed or anything. He was moderate. Just okay. Enough to get me off, but that was it.

"Brandon, don't you have beer cans to smash against your head or something?" Nina scoffed, rolling her eyes in disgust.

Nina wasn't a big fan of Brandon. Mainly because he was one of the idiots that ran with the crowd over by the pool table. They were always constantly partying, which wasn't a terrible thing, but it was just the stupid shit they did while they were partying.

"It's nice to see you too, Nina." Brandon nodded towards her with his lips pressed tightly together.

I turned my body back to the bar, kind of hoping he would just walk away, but instead he took the empty bar stool next to me. I let out an annoyed breath, staring down at the shot that Nina had ordered for us again. At this rate, I was going to get plastered if she kept ordering them like this all night.

"Can I buy you a–" He started, watching me down it, but this time with more grace. That was my first sign that I was getting drunker by the minute. "—Drink..."

"No, thanks." I hissed out, rubbing the alcohol off with my wrist, shaking my head. Brandon was really the last person I wanted to see. The last time we hooked up, I really did have to have a couple drinks in me just to kiss him. Or to be near him, really.

He was pretty whenever he didn't open his mouth though. It was just when he talked that I wanted to cringe on the inside. Being around him sober was always out of the question.

"You can't avoid me forever. C'mon, Aurora." He pouted, nudging my arm. "I thought we had fun. Didn't you?"

I felt his hand rest on my lower back carefully, right above my ass. I shifted in my seat, lips parted as I gulped down thickly. I didn't miss Brandon, not in the slightest, but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss being touched like this.

Something that I hadn't really felt in a while.

I hardly ever had sex. I wasn't the type to constantly crave it, plus I was drowning in school work. My dating life was non-existent.

But the way Brandon's fingers caressed against the lower of my back sparked something in me. I couldn't help but chuckle nervously while I felt my face heat up from the sudden tension in the air.

"I did..." I glanced over towards Nina out of the corner of my eye. "But I'm with my friend, as you can see."

Nina was staring daggers at me, then leaned over to send him a glare as well. I thought it was so funny how she was protective over me. It was like a momma lion looking over her cub. It was always impressive how she kept up that persona no matter how many drinks were coursing through her bloodstream.

"Alright, fine. Let me buy you one drink, at least." He raised his hand towards the bartender, gesturing towards the three of us sitting in a row.

"Fine. One drink, but that's it." I mumbled with a crooked smile. What could possibly go wrong with having just one more drink? I trusted Brandon. While he was annoying, he had never given me a reason to not trust him.

It originally really was only going to be one drink. But one drink turned into two, then four, then it got to the point where Brandon, Nina, and I were all gathered around the pool table with the frat boys while loud cheers surrounded us.

I was standing, barely, with a pint of beer in my hand and a boy I had only ever seen at parties beside me. We were having a chugging contest on who could get it down first. The beer just tasted like water to me at this point, and the cheers were only egging me on to chug faster.

I did always love a good contest.

With pinched eyes, I chugged the last of my beer, the liquid spilling down the corners of my mouth before slamming it down onto the pool table. The cheers grew louder with Nina clapping and screaming into my ear as she pulled me into her drunken arms, swaying me back and forth.

"You did it! You did it!" She slurred out, placing a hard kiss to my cheek. I knew she had to have left a very vivid lipstick stain right onto my skin. I was too drunk to mind regardless.

"I–" I burped out loudly, placing a hand over my mouth as I let out a laugh. "I did it."

I felt dizzy, but a good dizzy. My body felt light as a feather, my cheeks were hot and I just felt so happy in that moment.

I thought to myself, why haven't I been doing this more?

The stress of school and everything else that had been going on—it just slipped away the minute alcohol touched my lips. An invisible weight lifted off of my shoulders the more that I consumed.

Of course, not in a bad way, or a way that was a problem. But it was simply a temporary stress reliever. I hardly ever drank, but now I was wondering if I should drink with Nina more often. I had yet to feel so light on my feet, floating around the room like I belonged there. I belonged to be happy with everyone cheering around me in their own fits of laughter.

I was always so closed off with people, and it wasn't that I hated interacting. It was more so because I was always so caught up in my own world. Hearing people cheer for me, clap for me, and be happy for whatever reason—it filled me with an inexplicable amount of happiness. I did in fact feel happy to be around people. I didn't even care who it was. All I cared about was being in a room full of such whimsical energy. Maybe that was what I needed to exhaust more of my energy towards– feeling good.

"Who is this chick? She's cool as fuck." One of the guys next to me said.

"My name is Aurora, thanks!" I slurred out.

"That's my Aurora." Brandon said from beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist as he pulled me to him. I couldn't help but to melt into his arms. The alcohol had already gotten to my head, and not only that, but the 'terrible decisions' switch had already been flipped on three drinks ago.

The music vibrating through my body only seemed to ignite this impulsiveness I was feeling, my hips swaying to the beat as I closed my eyes. I had no thoughts. It was the first time in a while I had felt this amazing. I had no cares in the world at all. I just wanted to drink more and dance away the night. Nina was right when she said tonight would be great for me. This was beyond overdue.

"Do you, like, wanna dance or something?" I opened my eyes, gazing towards Brandon with a crooked smile. "You should dance with me!" I pleaded as I tugged onto his arm, pulling him towards the crowds of people dancing.

He didn't even hesitate as he let me guide him wherever we were going. I bumped through various bodies until I was content enough with our placement, immediately pulling him into my body. A devilish curl had twisted along his features as his hand tightened against my back, pulling against the fabric of my shirt. I giggled out, a feeling of euphoria now blowing through me as I relished in the simple feeling of touch. Something so little seemed so magnificent with the amount of drunkenness going on around me and inside of me.

Nothing in the world could have torn me down. There were no worries cycling their way through my thoughts. There was no one around that I cared to busy myself with besides Brandon, and Brandon was just the closest thing I could get to. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with the need for a distraction from the world falling out from underneath me after these past couple of days.

As his hands continued to roam aggressively along my spine, I threw my head back with my eyes closed, biting back a smile as I swayed my hips. My arms flew up in the air, moving with the body in the same direction with each beat. All I could focus on was the music thumping through my feet all the way to the top of my head with hands guiding frantically along my skin.

It was like he was just as desperate to be close. This was so much better than sulking at home, worrying about what was behind doors or what waited for me in the future. Right here in this moment, it was just Brandon and I moving together.

Deep down I knew this wasn't a healthy way of going about things, but the funny thing about alcohol was that alcohol couldn't give less of a shit about the moral thing to do. It didn't care if you would regret it in the morning. It didn't care if it would hurt other people's feelings. If anything, it was solely there to create these issues for the sober version of yourself. Maybe that was why people tended to stray away from that side of themselves.

Regardless, my hands soon fell from the air to feel along his skin as well. His muscular arms were tight as I trailed my fingers down the length of them, pausing to stare up at him. His eyes watched me cautiously, like he didn't expect me to be doing anything of this. I didn't blame him considering I tended to keep my distance from him after our first hookup.

Maybe that was why it felt so good, too. I knew he wanted me and I liked that I had control over it. I was granting him access to feel along my ass, gripping periodically while his hooded eyes watched me closely. I liked the fact that I could stop at any moment and just walk away like nothing happened. I also liked the fact that if I wanted it to happen again, or even go further, I could. It was all up to me. I was in control. Not him.

I spun around, and he caught on quickly to my new movements as he grabbed hold of my hips. He pulled them further back, almost making me squeal from the abruptness. I softened against him when I realized his intentions. He wanted me to grind against him along to the music. I wasn't one to argue in this state of mind. If anything, I wanted to probably as much as he wanted me to.

So I did. Back and forth my ass pressed against his crotch, earning his mouth to hover closely against my neck. He mumbled something in my ear, but it was so loud around us and I could hardly focus that I couldn't understand what he said. Given the growth that I now felt against my ass, I had a feeling I knew what he was insinuating. It only gave me more confidence as I pushed my head backwards, raising one of my arms to cup against his face. Almost instinctively, he buried his face further into my neck. The warmth of his breath against the delicate area of skin on my throat sent chills up my spine.

The same type of chills I had felt not very long ago. The sudden memory of Harry and I dancing together broke through my whirlwind of thoughts about Brandon. My swaying no longer had as much vigor to it as my thoughts became clustered with my last dancing memory. Except, it was a completely different circumstance.

I couldn't help but compare the differences in everything that was going on. While I enjoyed the distraction that Brandon was allowing me in this state of impulsivity, his grip was hungry. Hungry was all it was. I knew he had no intentions of anything past that. He wanted me and what I could provide for him for the night. He was using me as much as I was using him, and I wasn't exactly sure if he was as aware of it as I was.

Even the look in his eye was full of lust. The way his eyes hooded over, only briefly taking a moment to actually look me in the eye in between scanning over my body. He was too concentrated on peering at the movements my hips made against him or the way my hand rubbed along his skin as I switched positions. That was all I was to him. He didn't actually see me. He didn't want to. He didn't care to.

But, Harry.

Dancing with Harry.

There was no urgency to the way he placed his hands on me, careful to not go any farther than I wanted him to. His reassuring "is this okay?" echoed in my brain as if he was there right in front of me. There was no pulling and tightening grips that left marks against my skin, only the soft tickles against my fingertips as he laced ours together.

His eyes had smiled back at me as bright as they always did, flickering with pleasantries. Nothing within his eyes arose any red flags or warning signs that I was unsafe. If anything, I had never felt safer being embraced by someone else. That was what he was to me. He wasn't hungry or desperate for a reward out of the contact we shared together. He was in it for mutual enjoyment.

He wanted me to be happy and comfortable, and I was. His touches didn't serve as a distraction from the world around me. His touches served as a reminder that the world could go on and I would be safe with him regardless.

That was the difference between Brandon and Harry.

I finally opened my eyes again, not even realizing that I had had them closed for that long. It was the calmest state I had been in since I walked inside the bar. I think I had started to imagine that we were back in the living room dancing to Harry's choice of music as he spun me around. What I would do to experience that right now instead of–

Harry.

Staring back at me were the eyes that I had just reminisced on so fondly moments ago, shining back at me as if they were only made for my view to see. This time, they seemed clouded with an expression I had yet to see from him. That was when I realized the predicament I was in and the predicament he had to witness me in more importantly.

I blinked hard, switching my gaze back to Brandon. Even through the blur of alcohol, I could still see the same look on his face as he looked down at me. He still didn't bother to look me in my eyes as he bit against his lip, pulling me in closer.

I no longer wanted to be this close to him. I felt too many eyes on me, even if it was just Harry. Those were the only eyes I cared about watching me, and I didn't like what he was seeing. He didn't look happy and I was too scared to look back over to see if he had walked away or if he was still looking at us.

Why did I feel so guilty?

The alcohol in my stomach felt weighed down by rocks all of a sudden. The stuffiness of the room felt suffocating and all I wanted was to be away all together. I wanted out of the building and away from everyone and everything.

I pressed my hands firmly against his chest, trying to allow room between us for me to squeeze through. He shook his head, scrunching his eyebrows as he peered down at me.

"What? Since when did Aurora want to stop having fun?" He joked lowly, a hint of lust still intertwined through his words. It made my stomach only turn more and I felt trapped. I pushed again, but my strength only seemed to dwindle due to the drunken state of mind I was in. I felt helpless.

"Let me go, Brandon." I slurred, but tried to sound as firm as possible.

"What, seriously?" He bit back in an annoyed tone. His sudden harshness grew my own irritation and the uncomfortable feeling was suddenly overshadowed with anger.

Somehow that anger mustered enough strength to push him harder, releasing me from his grasp.

"Fuck off." I snapped at him.

Just as I was about to turn around, my eyes caught something right behind him. Harry was no longer in the distance, but now within a few feet from us. I jumped slightly at the sight, stopping myself from tripping over my feet because of it.

"Harry." I said with a touch of shakiness. I stood there awkwardly, searching around the room for anything else to focus on. I didn't want to look in the direction of Brandon and I didn't want to look in the direction of Harry either. Both of wildly different reasons, but reasons nonetheless. I felt like I could be sick.

"Well would you look at who came back to save his damsel?" He spat towards Harry, an evil grin twisting out his words. "Except she's not in fucking distress. Get the hell out of here, you fucking cockblock."

I couldn't help but steer my eyes towards Harry in order to gauge his reaction. I wasn't sure how he would respond, but I knew I was too at a loss for anything to say myself. I knew I got myself into a situation that was going to be hard to get out of. The look of hurt brushing across his features would probably be permanently etched into my brain for as long as I lived.

"Aurora, let's go." He stood firmly and his tone mimicked his stance.

I had never been so intimidated by him. Maybe it had to do with the discomfort I was feeling in my stomach mixed with the overwhelming nature of everything going on. No matter where I looked I felt dizzy. Fixating my focus on Harry was the only thing that kept me from spilling out the contents of my stomach all over everyone near me.

I nodded my head, lowering it as I attempted to scoot past the man I had just unashamedly felt along in front of the huge crowd of people. I was still drunk and I was uncomfortably aware of that, but I was not as carefree about it as I had started. I could've sworn this incident had even begun to sober me up slightly. All I wanted was to be was home, sober, and in my bed as if none of this night had ever happened.

As I glided past Brandon, I felt his arm tighten around my bicep. I winced slightly, stumbling a little from the abrupt stop. I gazed down at the fingers that gripped so tightly against my skin that it was leaving indentions in it. Brandon had a look of pure anger enwrapped in his eyes and it made me cower at the sight due to the closeness that we now shared. This closeness was so much more terrifying. The initial hungry look had completely dissipated and exchanged with a different type of hunger–hunger for revenge and victory. Like I was his prize of the night that was being stolen away from him.

"Let her go." Harry rasped out, yet to move from his spot. His fists balled at his sides as he peered in his direction, careful not to break from his contact. "Now."

Surprisingly, he loosened his grip, but he didn't let go completely yet. I tried to nudge my arm out from his fingers, and eventually I slipped away. I rubbed at my arm, a look of disgust etched onto my face as I walked backwards away from him. I didn't dare keep my eyes off of him as I gathered back to Harry's side. I didn't even care that I was bumping into people in the process. Everyone was too drunk to give more than a quick glance before getting back to what they were doing before.

Brandon didn't seem to notice I had left his side, because he was too busy boring his eyes into Harry's. It was hard to keep myself steady, and I almost used Harry's shoulder to keep myself from falling, but I didn't want to touch anyone right now. I just wanted out of there. He didn't look like he wanted me to touch him either. I think that was the most painful part of it all.

"The fuck? Nah, I'm afraid she's coming home with me." He reached his hand out towards my waist, but Harry shoved his arm between Brandon and I, pushing me away from his grasp in one quick motion. I had to hold onto his forearm from falling over. I was fortunate he was there or else I wouldn't have escaped that easily.

"She's drunk. She's not going anywhere with you." He hissed. I had never heard Harry talk in that way and it took me off guard. I wasn't sure if it was exaggerated from my perspective due to the alcohol, but it couldn't have influenced it that much. The way he spoke made me even want to cower as if he was directing those words towards me.

"C'mon." Harry whispered as he placed a hand across my back, guiding me in the opposite direction of the angry man in front of us. "Let's get you home."

That was the most reassuring thing I had heard in the last few minutes. It was hard to relax too much from the words, given the look that had yet to evade from Harry's face. Even in my drunken demeanor, I could tell that something was wrong.

I wanted nothing more than to take that first step out into the fresh nighttime air. Maybe then I would finally come to my senses.

"So you're just going to leave again? You fuckin' serious, Aurora?" He shouted behind us. It began to sound muffled as we ventured further away, mixing in with the crowds of voices and music thumping together. "Whatever! Fuck you!"

I could feel tears well up into my eyes. Why did I do things like this? It was like I never learned from my mistakes. It was a constant cycle I found myself in. I would have something stressful happen, need a distraction, find a distraction in a person, and then regret it almost immediately after. It was why I tried to stray away from parties because I knew where that would often lead me.

I had healed a lot as I grew older, but this destructive tendency was the hardest to break from. Usually when I was in this frame of mind I didn't really care where I ended up afterwards. I would get over it by busying myself with someone else. I couldn't get hurt if I just refused to get close with anyone, constantly bouncing between new rushes of dopamine. I would eventually crash, and I would inevitably scathe people in the process, but unfortunately because of my refusal to grow attachments, I didn't care enough to stop.

Only this time did it sting like this. I really fucked up.

"Harry? Please say something." I slurred out, sniffling between my words. I wasn't sure when I had started crying; all I knew was that my cheeks suddenly felt wet and my words were sounding more scattered than they did beforehand.

I heard him sigh. His hand had remained behind me, slowly guiding me down the sidewalk as we walked the familiar dark pathway. Most nights I would have found this trail much more relaxing as I was accompanied by the night sky above with its twinkling stars. Now, I was practically with a star and felt more lonely than ever.

"Harry?" I whimpered again, turning my head to face him. He looked stern, peeking slightly out of the corner of his eye in my direction. It didn't last long before he continued to look ahead at the path in front of us.

His silence told me everything I needed to know. I hated the way I did this to myself, but I couldn't take back what I did. It was too late for that now.

I kept silently wishing that I could magically sober up so I could talk to him and explain myself. I knew from the look on his face, and the deafening silence, that he was upset. I just couldn't understand why. Was it jealousy? Was that why I was also upset?

My fingers wiped away at my moist cheeks, a shaky breath escaping my lips as Harry led me back to Nina's house. I was grateful that the walk was over. Knowing it was a ten minute walk, but it felt like hours. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide away for the rest of my life.

Harry pushed himself against the door, opening it as he walked in silently. He stopped at the door, turning towards me as he reached his hand out for me to take. I blinked hard, gazing towards him with red, drunken eyes.

I didn't deserve his kindness.

My fingers interlocked with his as he helped me up the two steps. In any other circumstance I would be able to do it on my own, but my vision was still slightly blurred from the amount of shots we had taken tonight.

I got up the stairs, only stumbling once, but Harry's grasp tightened around my hand and caught me before I could eat shit on the floor. I peered up at him, a frown carved deeply into my cheeks.

He barely even looked at me. He spared me a glance and that was it. I never thought that it would hurt so bad to have the Harry I used to know, change in demeanor so suddenly. It only made the tears well up along my waterline more, making my vision blurrier than it already was.

I pulled my hand away from him, rubbing my burning eyes with my wrists as I stumbled my way into Nina's room. I had never hoped for Harry to disappear, but tonight I was hoping that he would just leave so he wouldn't see how bad of a mess I was.

Because I was a mess. A drunk, sloppy, irresponsible mess of a person.

It took me sometime to get changed into sweats and a shirt, knowing Nina wouldn't mind that I borrowed some for the night. My body immediately felt more relaxed at the soft fabric that hung loosely against my body. There was always something so comforting changing into pajamas after being in skin tight clothes all night.

I walked out of Nina's bathroom that attached to her bedroom, nearly stumbling out with a sigh. My hand caught the walk, my head lowering down as I stared down at the floor. I was really taking in the mess I had created, and I knew that tomorrow I could only predict self-loathing for the next two weeks to consume me.

When I looked up from the floor, Harry's body leaned against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest tightly. I caught him giving me a look, but the minute our eyes met, he looked away towards the wall.

"You don't have to ignore me." I slurred out, running a hand through my thick hair as I stumbled my way towards the bed. I hated the silence. I hated it. I had always hated it. I could never stand it. I wanted him to say something.

Say anything. Even if it means hurting my feelings.

"Let's get you to bed." He said as he met me at the the foot of the bed, his hand grappling the blankets to pull them back for me. I looked towards him, which caused him to look away from me again.

This shit felt worse than being stabbed over and over again.

I placed my hands onto the bed, moving my body to crawl into it with a small huff. When I laid down, Harry pulled the blanket over my torso carefully. I couldn't bear to even look at him. It hurt too much. I knew I fucked up and there was nothing I could do about it.

I couldn't turn back time. I couldn't undo what I did. I had to deal with the irreversible consequences.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Harry turn away to leave. Panic set in. Real panic. My chest started to constrict, a shaky breath left me as I watched him walk away.

It had become so apparent that instead of wanting him to leave...

I desperately wanted him to stay.

I wanted to get on my knees and cry. Just cry and tell him how sorry I was. How I really was a mess deep down inside. It always looked like I had my shit together, but I didn't. I never really did.

I'm only human—I make mistakes.

I didn't remember leaning forward. I didn't remember grabbing for his hand. I didn't remember clenching it so hard that his bones could have shattered in my hands. I didn't even remember the stream of tears falling down my face.

I just remembered...

"Don't go." I croaked out, batting my swollen eyes up at his. On the inside, I was screaming at him to look at me. To say something. To hug me. To tell me that it was okay.

But it was far from what he did.

He looked down at me with saddened eyes, his lips parting as if he was going to say something. I had hope, I really did. He was going to tell me that it was okay and he wasn't upset with me. That he wasn't going to give me the silent treatment anymore. That I was safe with him.

But then...

"Thanks, Harry." Nina mumbled as she leaned against the doorway of the bedroom. My head snapped towards her, and within doing that, Harry let his hand slide from mine to hang by his sides.

I stared between the both of them as Harry walked towards her with ease. Like this was the easiest thing he had to do all night, just walk away from it all.

"Make sure she drinks water in the morning, just—" He stopped himself, clearing his throat into his fist before parting his lips. "Just text me if anything happens."

"Will do. Thanks again." She nodded towards him with a small smile. Before I knew it, he was gone. His body left as soon as it came. Quickly. And sadly, not slow enough.

I sunk back into the bed, closing my eyes tightly as a huff escaped me. I didn't know how I was going to pull myself out of the mess. The self-loathing had already started, unfortunately. But today was technically tomorrow as the clock struck midnight. Self-loathing was right on time.

"Brandon? Really?" Nina scoffed, shaking her head as she crawled into the bed with me. She laid down with a sigh, her head turned towards me as she examined my tear stained cheeks. "I'm not gonna give you shit tonight. Can't promise about tomorrow though."

"Gee, thanks." I slurred with a soft chuckle that came out sad. There was dread behind that small laugh. I was always so good at laughing things off, making them into jokes rather than actually dealing with them.

It was going to come back to bite me in the ass.

There was a long silence between us. I almost felt myself fall asleep, but for some reason my body was fighting the sleep that I desperately needed. I rolled onto my side towards her, seeing her staring at the ceiling with her hands over her chest.

Nina let out a small chuckle, shaking her head slowly before turning her head to glance in my direction. I scrunched my brows together. What was so funny? Did I miss the joke?

"When are you going to realize, Aurora?" She rasped out with a half smile, her brows pinched together as if she was giving me a look of confusion. I could tell she was disappointed in me. She didn't have to say it.

"Realize what?" I frowned.

I was too drunk to deal with her riddles tonight. Nina was always the queen of being so vague towards me at times.

"That's for you to figure out yourself."

NEXT UPDATE: 05/10/22

a/n: not us forgetting yesterday was tuesday and we forgot to update 😭 whoopsies <3 hope that the fact this was a long one makes up for it LOL

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