#halsey phone case

[basketfullofstrawberries]

halsey on instagram: strawberry fields 🍓 12.11.2019 (x)

#strawberry #strawberries #fruit #halsey #iamhalsey #photography #aesthetic #phone case #outfit #pic #curls #mirror pic

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Everyone Else Is No.2 {One-Shot}***

Lewis Hamilton x Attorney Friend Reader

Warning: Cursing, NSFW, Mature 18+ Content, Angst, PLENTY OF WORDS, DIALOGUE HEAVY

Words: 15.2k

Summary: Again, nah.

Note: Inspired by that old August Alsina song "Kissing on My Tattoos". So sorry for how long it is and for the long sentences toward the end, it couldn't be any other way. Forgive the weird spacing throughout, Tumblr has a 1,000 block limit per post, and guess who reached it before correcting the spacing.

Note II: Really interested in hearing what you guys think about this one. Let me know.

As always, thank you guys for reading! I appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this.

If you did enjoy this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

-Y/N-

"You're beautiful you know that right?"

You smiled and took a sip of your drink.

"Thanks."

The man sitting across from you, Darius, nodded and before he looked down to his plate you caught his eyes drop to your cleavage. Of course, you thought. This was your 2nd date with him. The first went smoothly though you'd went with little to no expectations for it to be so. Tonight, he said the right things, did the right things, and was the perfect gentleman.

He'd even chosen a great restaurant. The ambiance was perfect for a second date. So far you had only counted 2 things that were less than satisfactory, everything was on point. He was so on point that you wondered if he was acting and not being his genuine self.

You hated the dating scene. Everyone held their cards too close to their chest. No one was ever real about anything. Everyone liked to waste people's time all in the name of fun and sex. These days you only treated dating as a pastime and a way to relieve stress after long hours of working on briefs and reviewing case files.

"A woman with your track record in law. Wheeew. Was it hard?"

You shrugged then wiped the corner of your mouth, "It definitely wasn't easy. I still remember the sleepless nights, and times when I only had 1 meal a day. My parents still remember not seeing me for 3 months because of the bar and my first major case that came nearly right behind the other. They won't let me forget it."

"It looks like it paid off. You're on the partner track. Shit, you'd be the first woman under 35 to make that happen at Halsey Boyd and Crenshaw," Darius said.

You bristled, but politely smiled and took another sip of your wine.

"I'm sorry I don’t mean to make this weird I'm just in awe of you."

You studied him for a few moments but found no lie. You could always tell a lie. No matter what the case, no matter who it was. It was your secret weapon and it served you well as a lawyer.

"Thank you, but enough about me. What about you? Tell me about Darius Forrester."

He smiled, licked his lips then looked you directly in the eye.

"I'm pretty much a what you see you get kind of guy. I've been at Berry & Clark for the last 6 years as a criminal attorney. The work is challenging but I do alright for myself.

You nodded. He did. From what you heard his win ratio was nearly 92% and he took upstanding cases. He was a good attorney. Normally you wouldn’t shit where you ate because mess was not your style. You did not want to walk into a courtroom or boardroom and see the opposing counsel was an ex. That one thing gave you nightmares.

So dating lawyers was out of the question. You dipped in every other career field, playing it safe. The further they were from a law career the better. However, after a conversation with your other lawyer girlfriends about limiting oneself in the already limited dating pool, something clicked, and you decided to try it once but only if they weren't in your firm. Darius was your first attempt.

As he continued to tell you facts about himself you listened, but he didn't have your full attention. There was another person who held your attention, a person who though was usually out of sight was never really out of mind.

You heard your phone sound from your clutch resting on the table and both your eyes shot to it. Darius spoke before you moved.

"Go ahead please."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm an attorney as well, Y/N I know you come attached to it."

You smiled, held up your finger to him silently promising it would be quick, then took your phone in hand. You expected it to be Kemi, your paralegal, with files you were expecting, but it wasn't her name on your screen.

MSG Lewis: What're you doing tonight? Going over an endless to-do list of contracts and briefs?

You smirked.

MSG: Not even close.

MSG Lewis: Wow did someone finally decide to live a little and cut loose?

MSG: This sounds an awful lot like the pot calling the kettle black.

MSG Lewis: Plead the 5th.

MSG: The Lewis Hamilton out maneuvered. Say it ain't so.

MSG: I'm close to your place. Just got back in town. Can you be ready in 10?

Your eyes flitted to Darius across from you who was taking the time to check his messages as well. You looked over him slowly, noting again how great he looked in his suit and how you liked the effort he had put in the last 2 dates down to the flowers he brought you and the activities you'd done. Things could progress if you chose to allow them to.

MSG Lewis: Is that a no?

MSG: I'm not home.

MSG Lewis: Okay. Where you at, the office? I can come pick you up.

MSG: I'm not at the office. I'm actually on a date.

You waited a few seconds, but he didn’t reply. Why didn't he reply?

"Everything ok?"

Caught off guard, you looked back up to Darius whose eyes were already on you. His brows were knitted with concern.

"Uh--yeah. I uh--I think so."

"A case?"

You thought about it and technically he was right. You were Lewis' entertainment lawyer. You were his personal attorney who reviewed the contracts after the company attorney said they had. You gave it to him between the eyes, never sugarcoating, and told him what was made with his best interest and what was made to capitalize off of him. However, when your services weren’t needed you were friends. Had been for practically a decade now.

Sometimes you couldn’t believe you’d known each other that long. You’d known him since he was just another F1 driver rather than the greatest. He knew you when you were going through school always on an empty tank all in the hopes of rising above the tax bracket you were born into. A decade later and he was dominating F1 and you’d more than risen yourself several levels past the tax bracket you’d been born into.

You were on the partner track at one of the largest firms in Europe. You brought in more revenue than most of the attorneys at the firm thanks to your high-class clientele. You'd both worked your asses off to get to this level and enjoyed the spoils of your labor often. You clubbed together, went to dinner, and sometimes did the vacation vibe together. You enjoyed one another’s company.  

"A client."

"Oh. Everything cool or---," Darius said.

Another message came in just then. "Everything is cool."

Darius smiled. "Good. I'll be right back, men’s room."

"Yeah."

Darius stood then walked off leaving you with the perfect opportunity to check your phone.

MSG Lewis: Is that right?

MSG: Yeah. 2nd date. Well technically 3rd if you can have 2 dates in one day.

MSG Lewis: Cool. Is it going well?

MSG: Yeah. He's made it this far.

MSG Lewis: Cool.

MSG: When he drops me home Ill text you. Come get me then.

Several moments passed before he replied. Again, you wondered why.

MSG Lewis: Cool.

The remainder of dinner you were distracted. Darius played all his cards right, even scoring himself the green light on a little hand-holding action. You had to admit he was smooth. When he pulled up to your condo building he walked you to your door then went in for a kiss. You hadn’t expected it, but rather than pull away, you allowed it to play out. It wasn’t a bad kiss. He hadn’t been too overzealous, only slipped you a little tongue, and had kept his hands respectful. All in all, for a first kiss it was a solid 8.

With a promise to call to set date number 4 sometime next week, you went inside and allowed yourself to come down. The dating scene was not something you enjoyed often. You always felt like you were performing, like men wanted a certain kind of woman, the perfect woman who they could prance around on their arm to make other men envious and that took its toll.

You never felt you had to perform with Lewis. Never felt like he wanted the perfect you. He made fun of you whenever you were perfectly put together for work meetings and said many times he liked you out of the makeup and heels. After another sigh, you took your phone out and texted him.

~~~~~~

-Lewis-

The ceiling looked like every other ceiling he’d ever seen but that didn’t stop him from focusing most of his attention on it like it was the most interesting piece of construction ever. His eyes should have been focused elsewhere but they weren’t. A loud 'slurp' echoed in the mostly quiet room reminding him again that he wasn’t alone.

"Mm. Why are you so distracted tonight, bae?"

Julissa's voice was as smooth as honey and as seductive as ever. He lowered his eyes to where she was kneeling between his legs and took her in. Her lips and chin were wet as she gave him her bedroom eyes. This was not the first time between them. Usually, it would work but not tonight. Tonight he was struggling to even keep his head in the room.

He watched her tip her tongue out and lick from the base of his dick to the glistening tip. Once there she swirled her tongue around him then sucked his head into her mouth. He’d have to be dead for it not to feel nice but that’s all it was--nice.

He sighed then brought his attention back to the ceiling. "Work."

"Aw babe, when you’re with me work should be the last thing on your mind," Julissa said before lowering her mouth down his shaft. When he felt her tonsils he groaned. His body wanted to like this wanted to give her the reaction she was working so hard for, but something was holding him back. Julissa's mouth bobbed up and down his cock sucking and slurping to her heart’s content trying to get him off, but he knew she had her work cut out for her.

He thought back to your text from 2 hours ago. You were on a date. Well shit, he hadn’t seen that coming. That was the last thing he had expected you to be doing tonight. It wasn’t because you weren’t desirable, or he thought no man would want you. For fuck's sake, you were beyond desirable, you were gorgeous and so damn intelligent. He couldn’t figure out which of those made you more beautiful, your looks or your brains. You also worked hard to be where you were, and you deserved all the praise and attention you got wherever you went.

However, sometimes he wished you got a little less male attention--x that, a lot less male attention. He sighed again. This had been going on for 10 years now. Your friendship had only strengthened but along with a strengthening friendship came a lot of other stuff. Stuff like him taking notice of the fullness of your hips or being tempted to peek when you’d been changing in the backseat of his car, or being painfully aware of how your breasts felt against his chest when you hugged.

That coupled with things he had picked up from you, made the unspoken and ignored things that much more—confusing. There were times when the way you stared at him when you thought he wasn’t looking spoke volumes or the way your hand always lingered on him for a few seconds longer than necessary but not long enough for it to be inappropriate, or the time you'd fallen asleep together on the couch and he'd woken to you wrapped around him using him as your personal body pillow and mumbling his name in your sleep.

Yeah, there was a lot of extra stuff, stuff neither of you ever addressed. The only ones who assessed it were his friends. Miles told him on several occasions that he should be careful before he or you fucked around, and someone ended up hurt. That stuck with him, but not in the way Miles had probably meant it. Rather than taking it the way Miles meant, he used it as a means to keep himself in check, a form of prevention from him crossing the line. He knew if he did, neither of you would be able to go back. It would be impossible and was one fuck up worth a decades-long friendship?

So friends were where you stayed until he added another facet--professional. Years passed, dates passed, flings, non-labeled encounters on both your parts passed and through it all your friendship remained, and nothing changed. Except today there was even more extra stuff.

The feel of Julissa’s lips wrapped around his balls sent his hips jerking upward as a curse left his lips. Julissa moaned and giggled.

“Daddy likes that?”

He knew how he would like it more. As quickly as he revved to that thought he steered away from it. That was when his phone sounded.

MSG Y/N: I’m home. Whatdaya you wanna do? Should I change?

His eye caught the time. 1am. Almost 3 hours from your last text and you were only now getting home. Clenching his jaw he took a deep breath. He had no right to be mad or annoyed right now. He knew where this was coming from. You’d been on a date, and you said it was going well. A date going well had a chance of making it upstairs. He closed his eyes squeezing them tightly. He hoped to God that you hadn’t just gotten it in.

MSG Y/N: Hello?

MSG: You don’t have to change. How about some treats and a view?

MSG Y/N: Okay. Still 10?

MSG: Make it 15.

Pulling himself up he reached down to stop Julissa. She looked confused.

“I gotta go J.”

Now she looked even more confused. He didn’t owe her an explanation, that’s not how this worked between them.

“With your dick out?”

He scoffed then fixed himself as he stood.

“Lewis this’s never happened before. Are--,” she began before he cut her off.

“All good, just—not in the mood I guess.”

She looked offended now. “I’m sorry J. We’ll talk.”

He walked to the door then left her apartment without a glance back. He didn’t feel any way about it because both of them knew what their relationship was and wasn’t. She’d agreed. Once he was in his car, he zipped through the London streets maneuvering the quickest route to your place. Thanks to the time it was an easy drive with minimal traffic. 15 minutes on the dot he swerved around to the front of your luxury condo building then sent you a text letting you know he was there.

A few minutes later, he peeped you from the corner of his eye. You walked off the elevator in a short and tight black dress, impossibly high strappy black heels, and a flowy robe-like jacket that danced behind you as you walked.

“Fuck.”

You were beautiful. Just then the thought that you’d gone on a date dressed like this rubbed him wrong. Some other man had seen this view, a view you gave willingly. Clenching his jaw, he looked through his windshield as he tried to push all those thoughts—all that other stuff to the side as he’d done countless times before. He looked back just in time to see you open the door of his car then climb in. His eyes dropped to your legs but seconds later he corrected that.

“Hi!”

Your smile was bright as if you really were as happy to see him as your voice indicated.

“Hey.”

You reached over and pressed your cheek to his for a bougie kiss. The only thing he could think was that you smelled like a treat all by yourself.

“How are you?”

“Good. You?”

“Good. Wow, what’s it been? 2 months?”

He shrugged as he shifted gears and took off. “Something like that.”

“Mercedes sure knows how to keep you busy,” you teased.

He tried to focus on the road but from his peripheral, he could see you crossing your legs displaying even more skin.

“What were you doing? You smell like fruits.”

He chastised himself because he hadn’t done a bit of cleaning up before he came. His only thought was you. Julissa’s fruity lip gloss still stained his dick that he couldn’t manage to get hard for her.

“Nowhere special. Just kickin’ it.”

You didn’t press further which said you knew just what he was doing. He clenched his jaw again, this time annoyed with himself. As he drove to the dessert place you told him about what was going on in your life while he shared some bits of his with you. Like always conversation flowed like a calm river. It was something he loved. It didn’t take long for him to pull up to the drive-thru of the vegan dessert shop. When it was his turn at the window he tipped his hat lower and left the ordering to you.

You ordered damn near everything on the menu. You didn’t care if it was cake, cupcake, ice cream, brownie, or whipped cream. You ordered at least 2 of everything. It took the staff a good 5 minutes to prepare it all and when he loaded them in the backseat it was completely filled. When he looked at you with an “are you serious right now” look, all you did was giggle. Fuck, he thought. There went all that extra stuff again.

“There is no way we can finish all this,” he said looking at the bags they’d moved to the front since parking at their destination.

“Speak for yourself. I always have room for sugar, sugar.”

He snorted then shook his head. “Mad whack.”

Your jaw dropped as you gaped at him, and you looked too fucking adorable. You sifted through the bags until you found the dessert you wanted—the vanilla bean cheesecake. Your eyes lit up as you gawked at the large slice that was topped with white chocolate shavings. “It's so pretty,” you gushed.

He watched you snap picture after picture of the treat before you took your first forkful. When you did, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you let out a completely indulgent, hearty, and dick-hardening moan. The fuck, he thought as his dick spasmed to life. Quickly he moved one of the bags to his lap and looked out the window.

“This is so good,” you obliviously said still munching on cake.

He pulled out the vegan chocolate truffle cake and took a bite. It too was good.

“That looks good. Is it?”

“Try it,” he said holding out a forkful to your mouth.

You paused for a split second then cut off a piece of your cheesecake before you held your fork to his mouth.

“You try too.”

The image that came to mind was that of a new husband and wife feeding each other wedding cake and with it, his throat went dry. He knew if he tried to speak he’d sound like a pre-pubescent boy, so he wrapped his lips around your fork taking the piece of cake then fed you his. Your eyes lingered on one another for a few moments nut when you moaned again his dick spasmed again. with that he turned his head so fast that he was surprised he hadn’t snapped his own neck in the process.

“So good,” you repeated.

The two of you sat there commenting on the desserts you went through in record time. He didn’t indulge in sweets often but when he did he found it was usually with your sugar-addicted ass. You said there were 4 things in life you would never give up, sugar, your favorite perfume, your favorite underwear set, and sex. He believed you on all points. When there were only a few pieces of cake left the silence in the car stretched.

“So—a date huh.”

“A date.”

“I thought you gave up dating.”

You took a deep breath then slowly released it before turning your body at an angle facing him. The hem of your dress hiked a little higher and he forced himself to look away.

“I did. Then I got bored and he asked.”

“What does he do?”

You didn’t answer automatically, instead, you took another forkful or 2 of cake, then you spoke.

“He’s an attorney.”

“I thought you didn’t date attorneys.”

“I don’t but me and the girls were talking, and it clicked that by x-ing out a whole career field greatly decreased me finding someone who could stick around.”

He paused. Stick around? This was new.

“Stick around? Are you—are you looking for something—serious?”

You took a beat then shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought the other day, I have everything I have ever wanted. I am on this partner track, I make very high 6 figures, I have a great condo, my mental health is amazing, I have no debt, no baby daddies or drama, I—I’m kinda a catch but I go to sleep alone 98% of my nights. I come home to an empty place, I have no meaningful text exchanges, there is—nothing fulfilling in my life. I began to wonder if it was time to change all of that last bit.”

Silence stretched again as he thought over your words while studying you. This was the first time he’d heard you speak like this. Usually, you changed the subject or downplayed having any other thoughts than fun, sex, and work. Now hearing the vulnerability in your voice he knew you’d come to a point where all of this, intention-free dating, pastime sex, stress-busting flirting and all the meaningless interactions were unfulfilling and empty. You wanted more, you wanted love, a life, a husband, kids, vacation homes, and retirement funds, you wanted the quintessential definition of it all. He also noted you now found everything he was currently partaking in meaningless and unfulfilling.

Dropping his head, he stabbed the cake still in his hands. The more puncture holes it picked up the less and less he wanted it.

“Fuck, maybe I’m just bored and need a really, really, good fuck.”

He snorted but it was humorless.

“Don’t downplay what you feel, Y/N. Don’t—make what you feel insignificant, so you feel less vulnerable. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s you and me here.”

“It’s just—you—I know those are things you don’t necessarily want and you’re happy with the--.”

“Who said I don’t want those things?”

His tone was sharp and defensive though he hadn’t meant for it to be.

“Uh—you did.”

“No. I said it’s not something I can afford right now with my schedule and my contract extension. I didn’t say I never wanted it.”

You looked away from him to out the window. “Yeah, but your actions say a lot different,” you mumble.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Y/N, look at me. What does that mean?”

You sat quietly for a few moments then just when he was about to ask again you blurted.

“There is a difference between I don’t want it now and I don’t want it ever. Someone who wants it someday would leave themselves open to it rather than boxing every interaction they have into--other things.”

“What if I don’t want to open myself to it?”

“That’s clear Lew.”

“No. You don’t get it. What if I don’t want to open myself to it because I don’t want to find the perfect thing—the perfect woman and then be fucked because it’s too soon and too hard to keep her in my world to wait until I can make those commitments because my world is fucked—I’m fucked because I want the world and will actually keep going until I get it anyone else be damned.”

He could feel your eyes on him, and it was his turn to feel vulnerable and exposed.

“You think because you put everyone in one box it stops what’s meant to be from—being?”

He glanced at you with a pained expression, he knew it. He was actually feeling pain.

“Also—you’re not fucked because you want the world. I want the fucking world. Am I fucked?”

“To be determined.”

You both busted out laughing then. You laughed for a good minute then smiled as it tapered off.

“Aren’t you the tiniest bit lonely in the other side of your life—away from F1?”

He didn’t need to think about that. He knew the answer, but he didn’t want to tell you. The facts were that he was lonely more times than not. That was when he called someone to come distract him or make him feel good. He’d become an expert in the art of distraction. In his life, he only had time and the capacity for low stress and no mess. He had enough of both already.

He felt your hand creep into his and squeeze gently. Suddenly, there was all this other stuff again. The feel of your smaller hand in his larger one was something he really liked. Usually, when either of you took the other’s hand it was in passing or for a second, but the moment lingered and stretched, and still you kept your hand in his swirling your fingers against his palm and other fingers. He liked this too much.

“You can tell me. I won’t judge you. In fact—I’m lonely.”

His eyes slipped to you. Your head was down staring at your hands. It had now moved to trace the tattoos on his hand with the point of your nail as if his flesh were an adult coloring book. He watched you trace the rose on his pinky, then the planets on his ring finger. When you got to the lined arrow down his middle, he was having trouble swallowing again. Slowly, you traced the spaceship then went up across the sword until you reached his wrist.

He didn’t know if there was rhyme or reason to your movements or if you were just absently doing it. Goosebumps peppered his skin when you went up his forearm. He looked at you just before your eyes met his.

“You are?”

You nodded. “I am,” you whispered.

The air was on but inside the car easily felt like a sweltering 99 degrees. He didn’t know if it was from your touch or if it was the shift in the air between you. Did you notice it too?

“I think it’s okay to be lonely especially looking at how we live. We’re always working, always pushing ourselves to and through glass ceilings and when we do there is no one really there to share it with, not really, not in the way that fulfills,” you said.

Your face was closer to his now. Had he moved closer or was it you? Your eyes met again, and the temperature kicked up again. Fuck, he thought as his dick recklessly spasmed, begging for attention.

“I’m never lonely with you,” he said before his brain could stop his mouth.

A small smile lit your face, “Me too. Never with you.”

The smile slipped. “Well—not always.”

He turned to you more now, curiosity filling him. “What do you mean?”

You stayed quiet for a few moments but kept tracing his skin with your nail.

“There are times I can’t—guess what you’re thinking. Times I can’t—figure you out.”

“Then ask me.”

“Would you really tell me?”

He leaned closer. “I’d tell you anything.”

You searched his eyes, but you didn’t move back.

“Anything?”

He nodded slowly. His head felt hazy like you had him under some sort of spell with nothing more than your presence and the tip of your finger and all he truly wanted was to touch you in return. So he did. Reaching across to your exposed knee, he circled his finger around the smooth skin there. You sucked in a breath the moment his finger touched you and that one action nearly had him pulling you across the partition right onto his lap. Nearly.

So there on a hill that overlooked London, in his car, sitting near enough to a lone road light, you trailed your finger across his forearm while he did the same to your knee. The low light that illuminated the car bathed your skin in amber making him feel like you were on a whole different plane of existence rather than this real proven and tangible one. Your eyes held him in place to the point where he felt like he couldn’t move though he wanted to.

Without even realizing it you were mere inches from him. In fact, you were so close he could make out the hidden colors in your eyes, so close he could smell the fragrance on your skin that went deeper than perfume. This was your essence and by God he was intoxicated. Unable to stop himself, he inched his hand higher gripping your inner thigh. A soft moan fell from your lips and that was all it took for him to press his forehead to yours like the sound was tethered to his very core.

“Y/N,” he groaned.

The sheer might it was taking to keep himself restrained was becoming too much. At this point, it wouldn’t take much for him to abandon those restraints and give in.

“Lewis,” you whispered.

Your voice was raspy and dripping with what he dared label as desire. Fuck, he thought as he squeezed your thigh. He was so close, mere inches and it wouldn’t take much to close the gap between his fingers and your core but still, he fought himself. He was so wrapped up in his own battle for control within himself that he didn’t even realize when your hand rested on his upper thigh. You were dangerously close to kicking the lid off the box of other stuff that he’d worked years to keep shut. Half of him silently begged for you to keep going and kick it off so everything would be out in the open and it would be do or die but the other half of him hesitated still. The unknown was a powerful and sobering drug.

Your hand inched higher, then closer to what was the rock-hard physical evidence that deep down, now closer to the surface than ever before, he felt more, wanted more than what was. He wanted more than he could possibly afford. Still, his hand persisted, it inched higher making your hips jerk forward. The knowledge that he’d hit a sensitive spot sent his system into overdrive making a deep moan from his lips fill the car.

On cue in response, your legs opened a few inches more, making way for his hand. Jesus Christ he thought. There was his consent, you wanted him as he wanted you. There would be nothing wrong with him slipping his fingers underneath whatever underwear you wore. Fuck, he hoped they were lacy and strappy. There would be nothing wrong with him letting your hand slide to the aching dick straining against his pants begging for your attention. Shit, he bet your hands would feel incredible wrapped around him. There would be nothing wrong with him moving closer and finally claiming your lips as his. Damn, he just knew they were as sweet as they looked, that they felt amazing. There would be nothing wrong with him pulling your body against his for more than a clothed hug. There would be nothing wrong with him cupping your breasts and swirling his thumb across your nipple just to see the reaction it elicited. God damn it, he knew your moans would destroy him. There would be nothing wrong with him finally learning what you tasted like, nothing wrong with him finally smearing your wetness across his lips. Holy fuck, he knew you had to taste like pure sugar and cream.

His cock spasmed again then your hand made the move for him. In the same breath with his eyes squeezed tight, he lurched for your hand, gripping you by your wrist stopping you just before you touched him. As he did that his jaw clenched, the only thing he could do to stifle the moan at the tip of his tongue. It came out as a half groan and growl instead. The strangled whine that left you said you liked it, and he knew he had to end this here. It took him some time to find the smallest bit of control to open his eyes, but he didn’t possess enough control to look at you. There was no way he could.

“I’ll take you home,” he said, voice low and so close to a whisper.

He tried to keep the longing, regret, and hope from it. Slowly he removed his hand from your thigh hoping with everything in him that you grabbed it and nudged it higher. You didn’t though, so he turned forward readying himself to drive. You didn’t move for several long moments; you remained there half facing him with your thighs still tempting him to go back and take things further. With his hands on the steering wheel, he trained his eyes forward. He could feel all the antsy energy bouncing off every cell of his body, he could feel all the need in him wreaking havoc on him telling him to stop being a pussy and do what he really wanted to, say what he wanted to, take what he wanted.

His hands squeezed so tightly that the creaking of the leather echoed in the intense silence in the car. Just when he was about to say fuck it, you turned away from him. You softly cleared your throat then buckled yourself in. Sighing, he pushed started the ignition then swerved out of the parked spot they were in taking the route back to the city. As he drove you didn’t speak, you didn’t even move. You kept your head turned away from him looking out the passenger window with your legs crossed away from him. Your body language sent a completely different message now. Before you were open and so close to him. Now, you were so far he wondered if he’d turned Miles’ words into truths.

~~~~~

-Y/N- 8 Months Later-

The loud ‘pop’ of a champagne cork echoed just behind you making you spin in that direction. A group was just behind you laughing and toasting to something you guessed was momentous. You sighed then turned back to the painting you were currently studying. The abstract lines and swoops looked so similar to the slopes of a body. The longer you stared at it the more it felt like an erotic image than some random lines and swirls. There was something about it that stirred something in you, something that you’d ignored and buried so deep, something you hadn’t felt for 8 months.

You drained your champagne glass then squeezed your eyes shut. It had been a long 8 months. You’d worked your ass off times ten taking on more and more clients than before. You brought on 12 celebrity clients and 4 major corporate ones which brought Halsey, Boyd, and Crenshaw to the top of the field in revenue. You brought in so much money that you’d gotten 7 poaching offers from firms in different parts of the country.

Thanks to those offers that you hadn’t necessarily kept confidential, the interest in you for partner rose to unbeatable levels. Anyone you were competing against for the position paled in comparison. Those 8 months of ass-busting work led to your name being signed on the paperwork titling you as the new partner at Halsey Boyd and Crenshaw. It was so much of a done deal that your bank account proudly embraced your new status.

With that new status came an increase in the events you had to make an appearance at as thee number 1 entertainment and criminal attorney in London. Your calendar quickly filled with meetings, speeches, appearances, court appearances, dinners, and more. You were so booked that the next time you had any schedule free time was 6 months away. You’d catapulted so far out of your original tax bracket that you’d shattered the glass ceiling that tried to confine you and now you wondered if you’d aimed too high.

“Looks like I’m right on time.”

You looked to your right and found Darius holding another glass of champagne for you. Smiling, you took it.

“That you are, thank you.”

“Of course. To you, the youngest and newest partner at Halsey Boyd and Crenshaw and in the greater London area.”

You smiled as the man who’d stuck around through your insane schedule, your hot and cold behavior, your pull you close one minute, push you away the next, your disappearing acts, your reluctance to place a label on your interactions, your give me sex then get gone rule, and more for the last 8 months.

“Thank you, Darius,” you said leaning toward him and pressing your lips against his.

Darius moaned and reciprocated the kiss, snaking his hand around your waist and pulling you close. You felt like you were thanking him for much more than the toast and the fresh glass of champagne. You felt like you were thanking him for taking your bare minimum and it made you feel like shit.

Darius pressed his forehead to yours and instantly you had a flash back to the last man who’d done that to you. In a split second, your heart rate spiked, and an intense feeling gripped you.

“You don’t have to thank me, love.”

Your reaction to the action ricocheted through you making you pull away from Darius. Turning back to the painting, you gulped down the champagne.

“It’s crazy that your firm has so many celebrity clients and that this many are here to welcome you as partner,” Darius said in hushed tones.

“It is crazy.”

All night you’d been rubbing elbows with actors, musicians, models, athletes, and more. All of them congratulated you on your promotion and wished you greater success in the future. It was touching but a little bit overwhelming. You couldn’t let on though, so for the entire night you’d been performing, and you were nearing the limits of your stamina for it. You’d been performing for the last 8 months. Shit, you’d even been performing with Darius. You’d been performing ever since you were dropped off in those early morning hours those 8 months ago.

“Y/N,”

To your left, your paralegal now turned assistant, Kemi touched your elbow drawing your attention to her.

“Hey, girl.”

“Hey, you look incredible,” she said.

“Stop saying that please, you’re gonna blow my head up so big I just might start thinking I deserve a higher position.”

She giggled but gave you a look that said “well ya’ do.”

“The big wigs are asking for you, although you’re now one of them so--.”

You snorted while rolling your eyes. “Then doesn’t that make you the big wig assistant?”

She posed then making you laugh.

“I’ll be right back,” you said to Darius as you walked off to find those big wigs.

It didn’t take long before you found them surrounded by a group of about 10 people. When they saw you they waved you over with large smiles on their faces. You took a deep breath and approached them with an equally large smile.

“There she is ladies and gentlemen!”

The group smiled, patted your back, and welcomed you with friendly banter.

“Everyone!”

The music died down and someone handed Malcolm Boyd a microphone. He was your biggest fan, a black man who’d made unfathomable feats in the field and became an incredible mentor and second father to you. He put his arm around your shoulder as he always did.

“I am filled with great happiness and pride calling this woman the new partner here at Halsey, Boyd, and Crenshaw!”

Everyone began applauding then, drowning out his next words so he paused and allowed them a few moments before continuing.

“She has been with us for 6 years now and in those 6 years she has accomplished incredible things and when she was done with those incredible things she moved on to outstanding things. Y/N has reminded many of us of what it means to be determined and persistent. She tackles every case with poise, confidence, and grace and that confidence has given her that 99% win record.”

Again everyone clapped. You softly smiled at them half embarrassed by the praise but half so damn proud of yourself and happy that your accomplishments were being recognized.

“Just as Malcome said, “Patrick Halsey began placing his hand on Malcom’s shoulder, “Y/N more than deserves this promotion and I expect her to blow all of our minds in the coming months and years. We just might have to add another name to the plague.”

Many in the audience hollered and hooted at that and you couldn’t lie that the greedy ambition within you salivated at that possibility. You still wanted more. You exchanged a look with Malcome who gave you an all-knowing look. You just found your next accomplishment. The founding partners took turns praising you and giving reasons why you’d earned this promotion then raised their glasses to you for the ultimate toast of congratulations. You humbly thanked them and gave a quick appreciative speech before lifting your glass to the audience.

As you drank down the tart liquid, your eye caught sight of a figure you hadn’t seen in person for almost 2 months—Lewis. He stood at the back in a black suit that clearly was made for him. His braids were pulled back in the way he liked when he was tackling more professional events. He looked as good as ever. He lifted his glass of water to you and in response you gave him a tight smile.

The same thing happened that always happened when you met one another ever since that night. Your body went through this strange cycle of reaction, excitement, confusion, hurt, anger, annoyance, and disappointment. It was exhausting. Because of these feelings, you regretted that night. You regretted allowing your thoughts to go so astray that you opened up your ‘what if’ box. You regretted every whisper, every lean in, every almost touch, every lingering look, everything. You even regretted getting out of his car when he pulled up to your condo instead of pulling him by his hair to you and telling him to go upstairs with you. you didn’t know what you regretted more.

The worst part was that you had to continue on like always. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem because that night was not the first night there had been many ‘what if’ nights over your decade-long friendship. The common factor was that both of you moved on and slinked back into the basics of your relationship—comfort and friendship. This time is difficult, so difficult you contemplated passing his case off to another attorney. If it hadn’t been for Malcome talking you out of it he would have been someone else’s responsibility. Instead, you put on your big girl panties and a mask and did something you never thought you’d ever do with him—performed.

When the crowd thinned out and everyone returned to what they were doing you began making your way back to Darius in the opposite direction. You were ready to leave. Before you got far Lewis stepped in front of you stopping you in your tracks.

“Congratulations, Y/N.”

Smiling, you thanked him.

“You look--,” his words stalled as his eyes roamed your body. You noted the conflicted look on his face before it disappeared. “Incredible,” Lewis finished.

His compliment made your body warm and something like hope filled you. Chastising yourself you swallowed the lump in your throat. “Thank you. You look nice too.”

Lewis scoffed softly then nodded. You then tried to slip by him, however, Lewis wasn’t having it. Again, he stepped in front of you.

“In a rush to get away from me?”

“Why would you say that? Have you done anything to me for me to want that?”

Silence stretched and Lewis studied you his jaw clenched tightly. Instead of speaking, he looked down, an act of defeat.

“Can we talk, Y/N?”

“We’re talking right now.”

He gave you an unamused look, but you kept your nonchalant, innocent one. Unexpectedly Miles approached then.

“There she is--partner lady. Congratulations Y/N.”

You smiled then hugged Miles. “Thank you!”

“This is incredible news, Y/N. So happy for you.”

“I appreciate that. Thank you for coming,” you replied.

“You know me, always this fool’s plus one.”

You smiled then the silence returned for a few seconds before Lewis spoke again.

“Maybe we can go somewhere—quiet after this?”

“Unfortunately I don’t think I can.”

“Why?”

Just then Darius approached and wrapped his arm around your waist resting his hand on your hip. You watched Lewis’ eyes drop to that hand and continued to watch as his jaw turned tight as if it filled with cement.

“Oh wow. Lewis Hamilton,” Darius said turning to you, his voice awestricken. “Babe it’s Lewis Hamilton.”

You nodded as a soft smile played on your lips. “Let me introduce you. Darius, this is one of my clients, Lewis Hamilton, and his best friend Miles Chamley-Watson fencing champion and Olympian. Miles, Lewis this is my—.”

You hesitated and in the same second, you felt Darius’ eyes on you filled with hope. Two other pairs of eyes were on you--one giving complete double eyeball emoji and the other searing you almost daring you to continue. The longer you didn’t speak, you watched Darius’ hope turn to disappointment. Glancing back at Lewis you found his eyebrow up with a curious and confrontational look while Miles was the epitome of if ‘well this is awkward’ was a person.

“This is Darius Forrester.”

You felt even more like shit now. Darius shook Lewis’ hand first then Miles’. While he did Lewis looked him over sizing him up. You knew he was wondering if he was the same man from those months ago when you’d told him you were on a date.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m a fan,” Darius said to Lewis.

“Thank you. I appreciate that. I can sign something for you if you want.”

You rolled your eyes at his underhanded jab while a half chortle escaped Miles. Darius on the other hand leapt at the opportunity, handing Lewis the only thing he had, an art bidding ballot. Lewis signed the back but kept his eyes on Darius’ hand on your hip.

“Bidding on some art tonight?”

“I am. There is a piece this gorgeous angel has been staring at all night, it’ll be my gift to her for her promotion,” Darius explained rubbing your hip.

You smiled at him then kissed his cheek. Lewis now looked entertained while Miles’ eyes widened as he finished the drink in his hand.

“Ehm, anyway. So I’m sorry I can’t pencil you in tonight but if you call Kemi and make an appointment she’ll get you on the calendar for a different day for that talk,” you said.

“Plans tonight,” Miles guessed looking between you and Darius.

“Absolutely. I’ve had way too much to drink and plan on taking advantage of that.”

You leaned closer to Darius kicking up your performance another notch. Lewis smirked but also clenched his jaw to that. Miles whistled while nodding his head.

“Go on then Ms. Partner, fly by the seat of your panties or no panties,” Miles teased making you and Darius chuckle while Lewis gave him an unamused look.

“Well, enjoy your evening gentlemen. Thank you again for coming by,” you said before you made a move to walk off with Darius.

As you walked away you placed your hand over Darius’ and slyly slipped it lower to rest on your ass. You knew Lewis was watching and decided to deliver the last blow. Was it petty? Yes. Was it fair to Daius? Not at all.

The next hour or so passed with you roaming around the gallery looking at the art while Darius flirted with you. As you roamed, no matter where you went you saw Lewis from the corner of your eye and no matter how much space was between you, your skin reacted as if Darius’ touch was his. The more you felt that way the reality that Darius’ touch was in fact all his own annoyed you making you feel even worse. You knew what needed to be done and knew it had to be done soon.

The only way you could distract yourself was with glass after glass of champagne. As you emerged from one of your countless trips to the bathroom you bumped into Miles.

“Funny bumping into you here.”

You smiled warmly, “Still here? I thought you and Lewis left hours ago.”

“You knew we were still here,” he accused.

You tried to give an affronted look but failed. He was right. Sighing, your act fell for the first time that night.

“Wow. Feels good to not perform huh.”

You looked at Miles and wondered just how much he knew. He didn’t keep you in suspense long.

“What a twisted web we weave when we practice to deceive.” He scoffed, shook his head then continued, look, I am going to tell you the same thing I told Lewis.”

You perked up then but tried to play it off.

“You better stop playing before somebody gets hurt and by the looks of it, it’s gonna be your homeboy Darius if not all three of you.”

You took in his words then put your mask back in place. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah you do, just like Lewis knew what I was talking about all those years ago, but he still decided to keep playing, and now look where we are.”

Your curiosity peaked then. “What are you talking about Miles? What do you think you know?”

He scoffed. “I’m a straightforward kinda guy so I’ll say I know everything. As the neutral 3rd party who is both on the outside looking in and the inside watching this train wreck, I know everything. I know what he tells me and what he doesn’t tell me, and I know what you don’t tell him.”

Your eyes lingered and the longer they did the more you got his meaning. Glancing away you tried to pretend like his words meant nothing, but you knew you were failing.

“I get it, I really do; 10 years is a long time to put at risk but are you really putting it at risk knowing all you know? You have 10 years of proof. Man up.”

Miles leaned in, kissed your cheek, and whispered, “Let homeboy go so he can find someone who really loves him, someone who can love him. Your corner is full.”

With that, he walked away leaving you speechless and confused. Your corner was full? You had no idea whatsoever what that meant, and you were tempted to follow Miles and get some clarification, but you decided against it remembering the last time you chased down the rabbit hole. When you found Darius again his expression was somber when he told you that the painting he’d been bidding on was outbid and that he didn’t have it to gift you. After assuring him you were fine, you decided you were more than ready to leave.

Darius got the car as you waited outside allowing the cold air to cool your skin. You didn’t care that you were risking illness because it served as a needed distraction. When you felt a fabric drape over your shoulders you bristled at first but then Lewis’ scent circled you and your body relaxed. Even that annoyed you.

“I don’t need this. Darius will be back soon anyway.”

Lewis snorted. “8 months, is that a record?”

“I think it’s a record for you, but I’ve gone longer.”

He scoffed then shook his head. “No doubt, remember Y/N. I will be here long after you get bored with them all. I’m always here.”

Your eyes locked and his should have been radiating cockiness that matched his words, but instead, they were gentle, open, and vulnerable.

“Will you?”

There was no time to reply because a car horn blared drawing your attention. Darius waved at you as he got out of the car to walk around to the passenger side.

“Good night Lewis.”

You walked away from him then slipped into the passenger side. As you waited for Darius to get in and drive off, you stared at Lewis who hadn’t budged from the curb where you left him. Miles’ words echoed back to you then.

“Just like Lewis knew what I was talking about all those years ago, but he still decided to keep playing, and now look where we are.”

“You have 10 years of proof.”

“Your corner is full.”

The word ‘full’ echoed over and over as Darius pulled off. Bullshit, you said to yourself in disbelief.

When Darius pulled up to your condo you sat there marinating in all your thoughts throughout the nearly thirty-minute drive. It wasn’t until you felt Darius’ hand on your exposed knee did you realize he was still there.

“Are you okay? Want me to come up?”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “We need to talk Darius.”

When you looked at him his expression said he knew just what you were about to say. Being as gentle as you could, you ended things. Although the old “it’s not you it’s me” line fit the situation perfectly. You dug a little deeper and gave him and heartfelt reason without revealing you were and had been in love with your best friend for 10 years and didn’t realize it until his feelings were already on the line. When you finished, Darius remained the good guy he was and told you he understood and that he’d expected this sooner or later. You thanked him for being good to you then began making your way to the elevators.

Halfway there you dug into the pocket of the jacket you wore and froze. When you took your hand out you held a note with your name sprawled on the front in Lewis’ handwriting.

-Y/N-

I’ve thought for months about what to say to you because there is so much to say, so much that has gone unsaid for so long that I don’t know where to start—how to start. 10 years is a long time especially when neither of us has been 100% honest with the other. I want to end that. Please.

-Lewis

You read then reread the note over and over hoping you would know what to do next but no matter how many times you did, you had nothing. So you walked back and forth in the lobby. When your phone sounded, you found a message from Lewis.

MSG Lewis: Ball’s in your court. I’m outside your building.

You froze then slowly turned and saw his car. It had been months since you’d been in a car with him and the thought of doing it again freaked you out a little. Your eyes met at that moment, but he didn’t move. He was giving you the time to decide for yourself. You turned your back to him then walked to the elevators but stopped halfway. After a few moments, you turned back around and walked to the doors only to stop halfway again and repeat the whole cycle. Still, Lewis didn’t budge. He just watched as your internal debate played out physically.

After ten minutes you stooped down and put your down, completely exhausted by your indecisiveness. Taking a deep breath, you held it and allowed your lungs to adjust. It was an action you often did to help you think and calm down. As your oxygen levels decreased your heartbeat would slow and as it did, there was always one particular beat where you figured it all out. It usually came right in the nick of time.

So you allowed your heartbeat to slow and though you should have panicked you didn’t. You thought clearer than you’d ever thought before.

“I know what he tells me and what he doesn’t tell me, and I know what you don’t tell him.”

Miles’ words came back to you again and it was then you gasped filling your lungs with air. After a few breaths, you stood then turned to the doors. It worked all the time. With your head high and back straight you walked toward them then climbed inside Lewis’ car. Without a word, he pulled off then turned back onto the streets.

~~~~~~

Thirty minutes later you walked into a penthouse suite right behind Lewis.

“Why here?”

“Thought neutral ground would make you more comfortable.”

You scoffed and beelined right to the bar, tossing his suit jacket over the back of one of the bar stools. As you mixed yourself a drink you tried not to focus on him, but you did. No matter where he went you knew. You were hypersensitive to him at this point. You’d only meant to make a glass but ended up making a whole shaker cup. You kicked off your heels, climbed onto the bar stool then plopped yourself on the countertop. Once comfortable you crossed your legs and sipped your drink.

“Where’s Darius?”

“Not here obviously.”

“You and I are so alike it’s insane,” he said as he approached you, but he didn’t come close. He stopped at the sectional couches in the middle of the large living area and then sat.

The silence in the room was thick for such a long time you began thinking about leaving altogether.

“Congratulations again. I’m so fucking proud of you. You saw something you wanted and didn’t stop until you got it. You deserve this.”

Your stomach flipped hearing his praise. More than anyone he knew what you’d gone through to get here. It touched you. Looking away from him, you cleared your throat. “Thanks.”

His eyes remained on you as if daring you to look back at him. It was a dare you had to accept. Your eyes locked and you instantly felt it. There was so much to say. Just behind him, you saw something familiar. Squinting, you made out the painting you’d been staring at all night, the painting Darius wanted to bid on for you. It clicked then, the reason why Darius couldn’t win it was because Lewis claimed it first. You scoffed, the man was competitive and dominant to a fault. You couldn’t help but be touched by the gesture though.

Lewis sighed bringing your eyes back to him, “I don’t even know where to start,” groaned, rubbed his eyes then spoke again. “Maybe I’m sorry is a good place.”

You studied him for a few moments then took a mouthful of your drink. “For what?”

“You know for what.”

That night.

Those words hung in the air, and you did your best to remain aloof. Scoffing, you shook your head. “It’s all good Lewis.”

“You’re lying and you know it. I thought attorneys believed in the truth.”

“Who are you to tell me what my truth is?!”

You hadn’t meant to shout it, but you did.

“Because more times than not our truths match up and I am sure that what happened was not all good to you because it wasn’t to me.”

“And what exactly wasn’t all good to you?”

“The way we—I left things,” he quietly said.

You waited for him to continue because there was no way in hell you were going to make this easy for him. He wanted to talk so he’d talk. Lewis shook his head then hung it backward. He sat there staring into the ceiling for almost a full minute before he looked back at you.

“I just—flipped when we were—you were—you wanted--,” he stuttered.

You scoffed again, “Don’t flatter yourself, Lewis,” you said slipping into the barstool and spinning it around so your back faced him.

“What?”

“You and I both know that none of that meant anything to you. It’s all good.”

“Now who’s telling who what their truth is?”

You didn’t take the bait, instead, you kept your back to him and finished your glass.

“You forget, I know you, Lewis. 10 years of friendship and I know you so well that it was my own damn fault that night.”

“Whatdaya know?”

After refilling your glass you turned back around then hopped off the stool and walked toward the large floor-to-ceiling window. “I know that that you were with one of your rotation chicks before you came to pick me up. I smelled her on you. That fruity aroma was all her. I know that because of that tidbit of info, none of it meant anything.”

Leaning against the window you stared down at the view of London. Lights glistened down below, and you imagined everyone scurrying to where they had to go so wrapped up in their own thoughts or existence to even suspect that it all was fleeting.

“Okay, I’ll own that bit. Yeah, I was with one of them but that was only after I found out you were on a date.”

“So it’s my fault. I was on a date living my life, so you decided to get your dick wet. Okay.”

You took another sip from your glass not liking the direction of this little talk he wanted to have.

“I never said it was your fault. It’s just a fact. I texted you because I wanted to see you, wanted to spend time with you and you were spending time with someone else, someone you probably did God knows what with hours before you saw me.”

And with that, you were done here. Finishing the glass you turned and walked to the door.

“Good night Lewis.”

He scurried in front of you blocking your path. “Wait, please. Shit! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Two sorries in the span of twenty minutes, cool. Get out of my way.”

“No, Y/N, please wait.”

You sighed, rubbing your forehead. “I’m sick and tired of waiting. I’ve waited 10 years!”

“You’ve waited? I’ve—.”

Lewis threw his hands up then walked away grunting and talking to himself. He looked insane and it kind of made you pleased seeing it. He always appeared so in control, so aware of himself and his actions at all times. It had all gone to shit now. You stood there debating if you should just leave and let things remain how they were until the day you both just stopped talking and checking in and it ended up going on for another 10 years until you were just people who used to know one another, people who’d missed out on something. It was then you realized you weren’t wearing shoes.

“Shit,” you whispered.

“I wanted you that night. I wanted you more than I had ever wanted anyone, including anyone in the rotation. Do you know what I was doing while you were on your date?”

“Getting your dick wet. I know.”

“I was lying on Julissa’s bed as she gave me head.”

You scoffed, “Of course you were.”

“She’d been going for 40 minutes and still I was barely hard. No matter what she did, no matter the tricks, no matter how nice it felt, barely hard. I was lying on her bed with my dick in her mouth thinking about you on your fucking date.”

You looked at him then. Those were words you hadn’t expected.

“My mind went crazy thinking what was happening. The longer that went by without you texting me the thoughts killed me. As soon as I got your message I left. No other thought, just you. I prayed to God that the date didn’t go well enough for you to let him upstairs. Then I saw what you were wearing, and I couldn’t believe I was jealous. I was jealous.”

“Why?”

Lewis looked at you then. “Because he got to see you like that. You’d dressed up for him, wanted to turn him on with that outfit. He’d spent the entire night with you. He’d had what I wanted.”

Well shit, you thought before walking back to the bar. Rather than making another drink, you took up a bottle of champagne and brought it to your lips.

“Do you know what it feels like to want someone so bad that it fucks with you and everything you do? To want someone more than you’ve wanted anything. To want someone in a way that is new to you, so new that it scares you. Do you know what it feels to have this crippling fear every time that someone is in your grasp, but not being able to resist the temptation, the desire to make them yours? Do you know what it feels like to know that you only burn this bright, this hot, this dangerous with one person, and the burn is all-consuming?”

He looked almost hysterical now. “Do you know what it feels like to want the perfect someone for you? I’m talking molded for you in every way while knowing it’s not the right time for you because you both want too much from the world and because you know that because you burn so hot, so bright that you’ll burn each other if either of you ever let go and let it happen? To know you are so similar that you will either destroy each other or ruin one another for anyone else.”

The look on his face was so damn relatable. He’d just said everything you’d thought over the last 10 years. Everything.

“I know what he tells me and what he doesn’t tell me.”

He was practically ranting now. Spewing every single thing that he’d ever thought, confessing it all.

“So because of all that you try to keep up pretenses that you’re friends and nothing more though you have countless moments where you slip up and stare at them too long, or hold them in your arms from a hug for half a minute too long, or let your hand linger in theirs or around their waist to test boundaries because you just can’t not touch them, or even find reasons to do every single thing together. You take those 2 steps forward not realizing you do because the pull is too strong, then you freak out and leap back 5 steps. You do this for weeks, months, years until 10 of them have passed and you have this huge box you’d filled with all the other stuff between you that you can’t express or fess up to until that box just gets stirred by one action, one moment--one night.”

His eyes were locked on yours. Somehow he’d traveled across the room to the bar and was standing right in front of you. Somehow he’d locked you in the frame of his arms leaving you nowhere to run. Somehow he’d managed to inflate your chest with hope right beside your thundering heart.

“Then suddenly—everything has changed, and nothing can be the same ever again,” he finished, his voice a whisper in the completely silent room.

You watched his eyes lower to your lips and your gut flipped again.

“Do you know what any of that feels like, Y/N?”

There were only mere inches between you now and the sheer proximity of his body to yours made you shiver.

“H—how long—have you—felt this way?”

Your voice quivered in a way that made it obvious to him what his nearness was doing to you.

“10--fucking years,” Lewis replied eyes glued to yours.

He took one step to you, “I’ve spent the last 8 months cleaning my life, cleaning my circle because I’ve gotten to the point where I could no longer ignore that everyone else is number 2 for me. You’re number one, Y/N.”

You were frozen in place, unsure what to say, and even more unsure what to do. He was right, your truths usually did line up and this was no different.

“And I know it scares you, shit it scares me too. All of this does. I know my life is insane and yours is about to be even more so, I get you still have things you want to accomplish; I saw your face when Halsey mentioned adding your name to the plaque. You want it and I want it for you as well as the world for both of us. Our timing can’t be any worse, but something has got to give, love, because I can’t take another year let alone 10 of this.”

You took a deep, ragged breath.

“Where--,” Lewis began before stopping and chewing his top lip.

It was a nervous tick. “Where do I—stand—with you?”

For 10 years he’d been so hard to read, so nearly impossible to gauge, and here right now in the darkness of the room you could see him as clear as day. He was oh so transparent and scared you’d reject him. Scared you’d decide he was more trouble than he was worth. Scared he’d just showed you his heart and ruined your friendship in the process. Without realizing it you were crying; you felt a tear roll down your cheek.

Sniffling, you wiped it away, “Ehm, I broke up with Darius tonight.”

Lewis looked shocked. Clearly, he thought you were still together.

“Why?”

You wiped the other tear that fell from your eye then looked away from him. All of a sudden the room felt smaller than it was, it felt as if the walls were closing in on you. Lewis cupped the back of your head cradling your skull in his palm making you look him in the eyes.

“Why?”

“For the last 8 months, I’ve been hot and cold with him, I pulled him close one minute then the next pushed him away, I disappeared a lot always using work as the excuse. I was busy, yeah, but it wasn’t work. I was always so reluctant to put a label on what we were doing, every time he brought it up I changed the subject never giving him the answer he wanted. Even when we had sex--.”

Lewis took a deep breath, dropped his head, and harshly released it, clearly displeased with confirmation that he’d had you that way, but you continued.

“Even then it was usually always on my terms, and I always wanted him to leave right after. I was—I was always thinking about someone else, something else instead of him, and for 8 months I never felt anything remotely close to what I felt that night with him. over the months every time I saw you it hacked at whatever was going on between me and him until tonight seeing you again it just--.”

You flicked your five fingers indicating an explosion. I’ve become hypersensitive to you, and I don’t know when it happened. It dawned on me that—I was using Darius and it wasn’t fair.”

Lewis searched your eyes not hiding the hurt in his. You took a step towards him. “You’re right about a few things. Our timing couldn’t be any worse.”

He nodded.

“Our truths usually always line up.”

Lewis looked hopeful then.

“Your life is insane.”

The hope faltered.

“I do want my name on that plaque, and I will get it.”

A small smile crooked his lips.

Another tear rolled down your cheek and again you wiped it away, “I can also no longer ignore that everyone else is number 2 for me. Always has been because you’re my number one.”

He clenched his jaw then and the emotion that washed over his face rocked you. Like an earthquake rocking the Earth’s surface.

“I am scared.”

As this tear rolled, Lewis was the one to reach out and gently wipe it with the pad of his thumb. Your lip quivered.

“I’m so scared.”

Lewis pushed forward then, crashing his lips to yours in one swift move. Once your lips met neither of you went slow. The kiss was frenzied from the beginning, both of you wanting it all and not wanting to waste any more time taking it. As his tongue rolled with yours you closed the space between you pressing your body against him. Lewis softly moaned, wrapping his arms around you. When you bit down on his bottom lip he groaned then walked you backward until your back collided with the edge of the bar. Trapping you there once again, he kissed you without holding a thing back and your body responded to him instantaneously.

In a matter of seconds, you both were moaning against each other and completely wrapped up in the new feelings that were consuming you. Lewis cupped your face as he kissed you then ran his hands down to your neck. You couldn’t deny that this felt even better than you imagined. Moaning, you clutched his waist but when that didn’t suffice, you slowly slid your hands up along his toned abs, over his chest taking in the bulge of muscle there. When you wrapped them around his neck, Lewis pressed more persistently against you.

“Mmmm!”

Lewis tore his lips from you and put his forehead to yours. “Fuck, I don’t want to get too carried away. I’m sorry I should have asked first.”

“Consent fucking given,” you said before you crashed your lips to his.

This time you took control. Swirling your tongue with his you didn’t give him time to react or gain the upper hand. You wanted to taste him, and you refused to wait any longer. Teasing his lips, you nibbled his bottom one, taking your time to sensually suck on it until he moaned against you. The vibration shot through you making you feel like you’d only now just begun to truly feel. Lewis’ hands roughly gripped your hips, holding you steady so you could feel that you weren’t the only one finally feeling for the first time.

Heightening both if your pleasure, you sucked his tongue until he groaned. The next thing you knew Lewis’ had you by the hips lifting you onto the bar top. You wrapped your thighs around him and nearly came when you felt his hands pry your legs apart. The heat radiating off of his hand on your bare thigh reminded you of the night in his car and you prayed he didn’t stop again.

As if reading your mind, Lewis met your eyes while he slid his hand higher and higher and higher until his fingers crawled to your inner thigh. Softly he raked his manicured nails against your skin forcing a whimper from you. You bit down on your bottom lip and silently willed yourself not to cum from the anticipation. Suddenly the back of Lewis’ fingers brushed against your sex. Your gasp was loud, breathy, and stretched out as he took his time moving centimeter by centimeter until he’d trapped your clit between his pointer and middle finger. Your jaw dropped all the while he held your gaze.

When he tightened his fingers and rubbed against you, your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You knew then he was dangerous, and you were going to cum.

“F—ha—fu-huck!”

Your back arched, head fell back as your body moved like it were possessed. Each spasm of pleasure had you bucking against his fingers until you could hardly breathe.

“My god you’re so fucking beautiful when you cum, love.”

You giggled and moaned as the tremors worked their way through you. “Mmm, orgasms and compliments, a girl could get used to this,” you cooed.

“Good. This is your future.”

Lewis moved his hand, brought them to your thighs then lifted them. As he planted your heels at the edge of the bar, you knew what he wanted. Your eyes dropped to his lips then you moaned. Pulling your dress away from your legs you allowed them to fall back to the bar showing him not only gymnasts were flexible.

“Oh fuck,” Lewis groaned.

You watched his eyes drop to your sex and the look on his face was unlike any you’d ever seen. No one had looked at you like this before. He stared where your thighs met like it was the most mesmerizing thing he’d ever seen, the first of its kind and something he wanted to completely destroy. You now felt like prey spread before him like this, like at any moment he was going to pounce on you.

“Mmm.”

Lewis came closer and closer until he rested on his elbows and was just inches from your sex. The anticipation was killing, and he had to know it.

“I knew you were a lacy knickers kind of woman,” he muttered.

“I take it you’re a lacy knickers kind of man.”

“On you, fuck yes.”

With that, Lewis hooked his thumbs in your underwear and pulled them to the side. He blew out a breath in reaction to seeing you bare for the first time and that breath fucked you up all over again. You threw your head back trying to calm your anxieties, but just when you met his eyes again you found his tongue out sliding against your wet folds.

Oh—my—goooood!”

Lewis moaned and did it again and again until he circled your clit with the tip of his tongue. “Mmmm.”

Lewis pressed your thighs back keeping them spread then went to town. If you’d ever doubted before that his mouth game was incredible you didn’t now. He licked, flicked, and sucked along your flesh making your back remain in a prolonged arch. Within seconds you were whining and writhing as his tongue worked literal fucking magic. The sound of Lewis’ slurping echoed in the living room and that was when your hands grabbed his head. Pulling his hair free you held on and bucked against his mouth.

“Mmm.”

He stuck his tongue out and let you take over. With every buck against his tongue, you called his name and the more the tip of his tongue flicked your clit the more out of control you felt. Your release was so close your body moved more wildly needing it at all costs.

“I’m gonna cum Lewis.”

“Cum for me, Y/N!”

You didn’t need to be told more than once and when you were right on the precipice you felt Lewis slid two digits inside of you. Just like that, your orgasm morphed from a toe-curling release to soul snatching one. You screeched as your body convulsed but he didn’t stop then, he pumped his fingers in and out of you then added a third finger stretching you wide.

“Uuuugh fuck!”

You barely finished your words before Lewis threw you over his shoulder, keeping his fingers inside of you. As he walked through the suite his fingers kept fucking you, readying you for him. When your back met the soft sheets of the mattress, Lewis still hadn’t broken contact. He watched you now as you lay there unable to control your body.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Pulling his fingers free he cleaned two of them off before you sprang to your knees to claim the third. As you sucked his finger you kept your eyes on his. You could see how badly he wanted you, how much he wanted from you, and you couldn’t believe he’d held back all this time. You took your time sliding each button through its slot until his shit was wide open. When you pushed it off of him you took in a sight you’d seen plenty of times only now it was different.

You brought your hands to feel across his torso marveling at each defined ab muscle and each tattoo. When you intentionally rubbed against his beaded nipple you noted the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. How had you never noticed your effect on him? How had you never taken it seriously? Bringing your hands back to his waist you undid his pants. You brushed your palm against the protruding mass straining against his pants which made him shiver as he grunted.

“Oops.”

Lewis scoffed then licked his lips and that was all it took for him to claim back some of the control you possessed over this exchange.

“Of course, you’re a fucking tease.”

You innocently smiled. “I haven’t even begun to tease you.”

“I bet.”

Lewis snuck forward kissing you one peck at a time, over and over.

“Mm, can you take it?”

“Any other night my answer would be yes, hell in an hour my answer will be yes but right now--.”

He cupped your sex with on hand and the back of your neck with the other.

“Mmm.”

“Right now, I have no control left. I’ve remained in control around you for 10 years and right now I just want to let it all go. I want to bury myself so deep inside of you there is no mistake that we belong to each other bad timing or not. It’s you and me, Y/N.”

You groaned as his words only increased the wetness between your legs. You kissed him again, then you turned your back to him and swayed your body against him. Lewis dropped a kiss to your shoulder as his hand crept around to cup the underside of your breast. You leaned forward getting on all fours with your ass poking out to him.

“Undo me?”

He didn’t move for a few moments, and you waited for him to enjoy the view. When you felt his hand rub against your ass you dipped your back lower which only made your ass poke out more. Lewis trailed his hand along your spine that the backless gown proudly showed off. Then he went to your tailbone and lowered the zipper of the dress. Peeping over your shoulder, your eyes locked as you allowed the dress to fall away from your body.

His groan was low—primal. It was all you needed to hear to know he liked the strappy number you wore that was made of fine lace. You expected him to take his time but instead, you felt him peel off the garment leaving you completely naked before him for the first time ever.

“You’re so wet for me, Y/N. So wet and so fucking perfect.”

You spread your legs further then stretched your arms over your head using your head to hold you up. As expected, Lewis flipped you onto your back making you giggle. You roamed your hands over your body, cupping your breasts then sliding them down your abdomen to your dripping core. The entire time, Lewis kept his eyes on every move you made while he pulled his pants and underwear off.

When he stood bare before you, your surprise could not be masked. You didn’t know what you’d expected in your late-night thoughts about what he was packing but you had no way of expecting this. Lewis gripped his length then slowly stroked it as he pressed a knee onto the mattress.

“Scared?”

You bit your bottom lip as you gawked at what the good lord blessed him with. It was unfair and completely intimidating.

“Now I see why everyone in the rotation was so happy being one of many.”

He snorted, bringing his other knee to the mattress between. Slowly he stalked closer like a predator with a deadly weapon in hand.

“There is no rotation anymore.”

“Oh yeah. The LH44 Harem has been disbanded?”

As he crept closer, you slid backward.

“You’re not funny.”

“So am I the first to usher in a new era—a new harem?”

Lewis grabbed your ankle then pulled you back to him making the backs of your thighs slam into the fronts of his. He then hovered over you before dropping an opened mouth kiss on your nipple. Sucking the peak into his mouth he sucked raising your back off of the bed.

“You’re in no harem. I told you, it’s you—and me,” he said nibbling your flesh.

Stared at him letting it all sink in. You brought your hand to his bearded cheek and rested it there.

“Are we really doing this? Like—for real?”

Lewis boxed your face in with his muscular arms and stared into your eyes. “I’ve told you where I stand, Y/N. I’ve told you everything that’s in here.”

He took your hand and placed it over the roaring lion etched on his skin keeping his hand over yours.

“It’s time you tell me what’s in here,” he finished placing his other hand over your left breast.

“You,” you whispered.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Before you could react or even respond Lewis thrust forward sending the tip of his hardness inside of you, stealing your breath, and every thought. A breathy gasp filled the air. Slowly he pushed forward, leisurely filling you giving you time to adjust to his size.

“Haaaa.”

Lewis kept his hand over your heart while holding yours over his as he filled you inch by tortuous inch never taking his eyes off yours. Your entire being was on fire like he was pouring molten lava inside of you with every inch he gave you.  

“Oh fu—Lewis,” you panted.

From the way his jaw was clenched, and eyes focused intently on you, you could tell he was feeling everything you were.

“How are you so tight?”

Digging your nails into his chest you tightened your leg around his waist and as if that was his last straw, Lewis flicked his hips forward filling you completely and tearing a scream from both of your lips. Neither of you moved for several moments but with every second that passed by your body blazed. Bucking against him, you slid your hand up to his throat and then gripped it.

“I love you. Fuck me. Now!”

Those words would be your ruin because he did just that without mercy and complete recklessness. Your moans and whimpers melded together rising in decibel and power until the entire room shook with the power of your screams for one another. As he plowed inside of you he didn’t go slow, he followed his basal instincts that were imprinted in his DNA, a need to claim, and dominate.

You’d never felt so out of control in your life. No matter how he fucked you, you couldn’t get enough. No matter how deep he went you wanted him deeper. No matter how he called your name you wanted him to scream it. You wanted every fucking thing he had. You wanted to leave him in shambles. When he flipped you onto your stomach like you weighed nothing, he held your ass in the air and fucked you so thoroughly you’d lost track of how many times you came. It didn’t matter because you wanted more.

He must have been able to read your mind because there was no way he could tell what you needed this soon, you thought to yourself as he grabbed your wrists and pulled you back, so he had your upper body hovering above the mattress.

“Oh my god, I’m cumming Lewis! Ooh shiiiiiit!”

He took advantage of this new angle and circled his hips as he jackhammered into you, fucking you as you did something you’d never done before—squirted. You screamed from the force of your release, but Lewis didn’t stop, he fucked you through it then torpedoed you into another one that you knew would tear you apart. Racing for it, you slammed yourself back into him relishing the mix of pain and pleasure that only intensified when Lewis bit down on your shoulder.

“You got one more for me, darlin? Cum for me. Soak this dick, pretty girl, drench me so I can fill that pretty pussy up.”

“Aaah!”

You clenched around him as you lost yourself and fell off the cliff and into an endless pit of pleasure. You felt Lewis spasm inside of you before he cursed and shouted his release doing just what he promised. Filling your pretty pussy up.

When the two of you finally collapsed on the bed Lewis held you to him spooning you while still being nestled inside of you. Bit by bit you came back to your body and slowly your body went from violent shakes to subtle tremors and a hazy feeling washed over you. Lewis peppered kisses along your neck and shoulder nipping your skin every now and then.

“Mmm. Oh my god!”

He snorted. “You good?”

“Good? Am I good? Are you—at the risk of swelling your head even more than it already is that was--.”

“Was?”

You searched for the words but couldn’t find the right ones. “It was,” you settled on making him laugh as he held you tighter.

“Naw, I was alright, you—you were,” he said making you snort.

“Shut up.”

“No, I’m being for real for real. It’s a miracle I held on that long, you feel unbelievable, so good, too good. You—are!”

You giggled then moaned, sleepiness creeping up on you.

“Don’t you dare fall asleep, I’m nowhere near done with you.”

His manhood inside of you lurched nudging your g-spot and just like that your eyes snapped wide open.

“Watch yourself, I know your weakness now.”

“You?”

“Nope, this pussy.”

Lewis snorted then flipped you onto your stomach again. This time he straddled you as he slowly pulled out of you only to plunge right back in.

“Mmm.”

“Still so damn tight,” Lewis groaned.

“You’re welcome to try stretching me out.”

Lewis jerked his hips forward delivering a bruising thrust as punishment for your your sassy mouth. It was a thrust that took your breath and made you go cross-eyed.

“Mmm, yes!”

“Oh, aren’t you full of surprises. Pretty girl likes it rough and hard.”

He did it again and again, making you hit the bed each time as you buried your face in the sheet to muffle your screams.

“God yes, Lewis!”

“So fucking alike,” Lewis said before lowering his lips to your ear. “Remember I love you 'cause I’m about to fuck you like I don’t.”

Not waiting for a reply he held your arms to the bed then delivered on his promise. Everyone else was number 2 compared to you being each other’s number 1. Nothing else mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton fanfiction #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton x reader #everyone else is no.2 one shot #black fanfiction

[the-anxious-stargazer]

Like Honey || Sam Carpenter

Pairing: Sam Carpenter x Fem!Reader

Summary: Although Sam have promised herself to not get too close to anyone outside her newfound family, she struggles when she meets a regular in the diner she worked at.

Words: 4.02k

Note: This is inspired from Halsey's song Honey! i'd recommend you guys listen to it while reading :) i'm slowly starting getting into horror bc i dont want to be a pussy no more and watch them for jenna and melissa (they are so hot omfg)

[Masterlist][Part 2]

・ ‥…━━━━━━━━━━♡♡♡━━━━━━━━━━…‥ ・

Sam promised herself that she'd focus on Tara and the gang first before learning to let new people in again in her life. That promise was made when they all moved to New York after the murders in Woodsboro. After Richie. A betrayal like that is a valid reason for her to be closed off and be suspicious of anyone her sister or her friends meet. The same could be said for Quinn, Ethan, Anika, and everyone else she had met when they were introduced to her. Sam did warm up to the three the longer they stayed. She felt a little more comfortable with them when her gut told her that maybe they were genuine people. But she still almost kept to herself. She almost didn't have any friends outside them other than Danny their neighbor next door.

Being the oldest and mother figure of the group meant she worked for her and Tara's share of rent and other needs. Even though their mother sends money for bills and such, Sam wanted to work still. Though she knew what she get weren't much it didn't hurt to start saving her own money. So she worked to keep herself busy but not too much to not acknowledge that she was suffering such a mental scar from the attacks. One of those jobs was in a diner a few blocks near them. It paid okay and the staff are kind but Sam rarely bothered to get too close to them. All she ever knew from them is that they were willing to offer a smile and small conversation.

Usually, she takes the morning shifts, other times she takes the graveyard ones. You can pretty much figure out which shift she preferred over the other.

The regulars were introduced to her on her first shift by Dale, the main cook. There was a couple, John and Amy, who was always on time in the morning and order eggs and toast only with two refills of drip. Rex is a sculptor who mostly sits in the corner and has a few sketches by the table with him, only ordering an omelet with ketchup. There's also a programmer named Adrian who gets a lot of coffee and a BLT at night. Sometimes his friend Ben joins in with fries. A young woman named Adelaide who works from home and is always on the phone while she ate her waffles and vanilla milkshake. Adelaide would go by the mornings if she wakes up early or comes by near the evening when she could.

Lastly, there was Y/N. Sam has figured before that she looked around the same age as her. Cate mentioned when she was teaching her around that she's been here way before her and she pretty much knew everyone in the diner. She was mostly in the morning with a few files in her hand. She's an assistant in an independent law firm. There were times that she came by night and read some of the files she had all the while taking a sip of her joe now and then, other moments she was taking notes for a case assignment that her boss told her to take a look for him. Sam always gets a warm greeting from her as she did with everyone else when she enters the diner and interacts with her whenever deemed necessary. She thought she was too nice to be true.

"You from New York?" Y/N asks her as Sam fills her mug and couldn't help but doubt for a second if she were going to be honest or not,

Y/N always had a keen eye. She liked watching everyone else and let the world work. That meant she liked observing the customers that enter the diner every now and then, noticing how John always drink his coffee slowly to match Amy's pace and always offers an extra toast to her. How Adelaide sometimes start scribbling on her tissues while she talked to her boyfriend who she assumed lived away from New York. The fidgeting Cate does when she's serving Rex and giggles a little when she talks to him. Y/N could see how tired Sam was even when she had just started her shift a few moments ago. The neatness of her diner clothes, layers of makeup, and fake smile couldn't mask the exhaustion the woman has felt for who knows how long. She didn't want to pry about anyone's story so she tries to offer what she only can to someone who deems her a stranger, kindness. It doesn't hurt to treat anyone fairly.

"No, not from around here. I'm just trying to start over." She answers half-heartedly, trying not to give away any information about her at all. Sam sees a gentle smile from her and she couldn't help but feel the burning sensation on her cheeks.

"I wish you well for that. Everyone deserves a restart." And with that, Y/N thanked her for refilling her.

Those were one of many encounters Sam had with her. There were times Y/N would order 2 cups of coffee for her to share with anyone on the staff and reluctantly Sam accepted her third request at the random times she offered. She was beyond suspicious. Her doubt was understandable given the fact that she went through a lot that broke her sense of trust in anyone. But her cautiousness was only met with a tender conversation. Y/N would always ask how she is and the first and ever personal information she has ever given to anyone outside her family was her. Sam vaguely talked about how Tara has been slowly losing interest in seeking help and acting like nothing happened. Of course, there are a few changes here and there to make it seem like a normal rant about her younger sister and Y/N listened intently to her.

Or maybe it was because she was too distracted by the beauty of the older Carpenter sister.

Those seeming doe eyes that hid too many secrets.

Another night shift has come and to Sam's discomfort, she had to be at work. She just came from therapy and her second doctor had just given up on her, making her night already more dreadful than it was. And just to top things off the students who have been visiting the diner lately have been making it their job to worsen her night by being obnoxious and gossiping over her. They weren't even trying to keep it down as if they were back in high school and Sam had just stolen the famous girl's ex-boyfriend. Tara had told her the rumors about her and Woodsboro before and she couldn't care less about what a stranger, who wasn't even there, would think. It was the breaking point when one of them spilled their milkshake on her "accidentally". The smug smile the girl wore before she did it was almost too easy to miss but little did they know that Y/N had been watching them silently the entire time. The woman's had enough of their disturbance. She had been gripping on her pen hard to almost split it in half.

"I'm so sorry, miss." The girl in white apologized with a snide tone. Her friends giggle at her antics on the now pink-stained light blue blouse Sam wore. It just happened to be a strawberry milkshake too. Just last week a girl threw her orange juice at her when she was on her way home with dinner. At this point she thought she's collecting all the fruit flavored drinks.

"D-Don't worry, I'll get it cleaned up." Sam begrudgingly states while avoiding her eyes before she went to turn around but stopped when she saw how she almost bumped into someone,

Familiar Chelsea boots stood before her.

"I beg to differ." They hear the person say before the woman realizes who it was.

"And who are you supposed to be? Her friend?" One of them asks cockily to which Y/N smiles at their confidence. She had her sleeves rolled up already, coat resting back in her booth and Dale was waiting for her cue to tag along after she signaled him from her table earlier.

"Didn't your parents ever teach you some manners on gossiping about people you don't know? Let alone the one serving you your meals and minding her damn business?" She had slowly paced past the unmoving Sam Carpenter that watched closely. Both hands rested on the side of their table and her anger was prevalent from the way she carried herself in the scene. 

"She's a lying snake and a murdering bitch!" The other one barked from her seat.

"Let me guess, you got that from Reddit? What else are you going to believe next, that Beyonce's part of the Illuminati?" Y/N mocked her statement and that's when Sam realized that she knew about the rumors surrounding her, that she knew some bit of her past.

The girls had been quiet after she pointed out their bullshit. Sam had always seen her be courteous and approachable when she stops by, her smiles almost making her eyes crinkle when waving at them, and treated everyone with reason, but tonight was different. This was a woman who has lost her patience after holding it for so long,

"I'm going to ask you to leave. People like you don't deserve to be served when you treat the servers here like they're nothing." Y/N ordered with her eyes unblinking with focus.

When no one moved, Y/N let Dale handle the rest by approaching the table and the girls scurried fast before they were going to be thrown out by the man who stood almost six feet tall. Sam heard a few yells at the girls to leave the diner when they exited the place and her gaze follows back Y/N who had changed her demeanor. The cook pats her back for her handling the situation and thanks her before he gives Sam a pat as well and comes back to his previous spot. It was then that the woman offered her the unsparing eyes that always looked at her and asks,

"Are you okay?" Sam thought it sounded so sweet, all she could respond was a faint nod. She didn't even comprehend how a bit close she was already to her until a hint of soft vanilla could be smelled from her. Not the kind where it almost smelled artificial like those vape juices, but it was almost authentic. The woman before her then fishes out something out of her back pocket and extended her handkerchief.

"Here. You got an extra blouse, dear?" Another question follows after Sam takes it and started wiping away some of the liquid.

"No, mines in my apartment, and it's a few blocks away," Y/N hears her voice again after it was silenced earlier, "Hey Dale, Peter doesn't mind his servers being out of uniform for a situation like this, right?" She shouts at the cook who was just about to send a plate to Dolly, Sam's partner for the shift tonight.

"Nah, let me handle him when he asks next time. I gotchu Sam." Dale nods their way.

Y/N then started unbuttoning her shirt and it revealed a white tank top underneath her white button-up shirt. Sam knew should be looking away but couldn't even help herself. Her attention was so close on her slightly toned arms until she snapped out of her daze as the woman handed her top, "Here, you can borrow this for now."

Dolly went to grab a mop and started cleaning the rest of the drink on the floor, "I'll take it from here, Sam." She reassures her and Sam was beyond grateful of the people supporting her.

"A-Are you sure?" Sam looks back at Y/N who hasn't fazed.

"Yeah don't worry about it, Sam." She beams.

The Carpenter girl then watched her walk back to her booth like nothing transpired and quietly apologized to the remaining customers she'd passed by before sitting down. But if Y/N was being honest, she was still trying to calm down from the adrenaline. She was well aware that violence was never the option, yet the possibility for things to go south was out there. She never wants to ever resort to that. Sam then finally moved from the spot she was seemingly glued onto since the confrontation and went to change in the staff room. While she was away, Y/N ordered a martini and piña colada instead of finishing her coffee. Caffeine wouldn't help flush away the rush that still lingered. In between changing her top, Sam couldn't help but wonder why someone like Y/N would stand up for her when she barely knew her.

But that thought was pushed aside when she started slipping into the button-up shirt that was handed to her by the very woman she was curious about and a whiff of her scent made its way to her nostrils again. Sam paused for a second to process how addicting Y/N's scent was. Even her damn perfume was almost sweet. After pushing her thoughts away and finishing closing the shirt, she tossed her ruined blouse in her bag and went back out to continue her shift but only to be stopped,

"Hey, I kinda asked Dale to give you a break so... care to sit with me?" Y/N wondered before the drinks she ordered arrived with Dolly winking at her. The woman shyly smiles back at her before she left them alone and dealt with another customer.

"Yeah, I'd… actually like that." Sam settled on the other side of the booth as she slide the glass of martini to her, "Oh, I'm not allowed to drink while on—"

"Take it easy, Sam. You've been through a lot just now so take it. It's on me." She waves off before taking a big sip of her piña colada.

The woman reluctantly takes a decent amount from her glass while Y/N fixes her files that had been slightly scattered on her side of the table. It was the right moment for Sam to finally pop the question,

"You knew?" It came off pretty fast, making Y/N tilt her head.

"About Woodsboro, I mean. I'm sorry that came off harder than intended." Sam clarified her question and apologized for being forward to which Y/N didn't mind.

"That's alright. I've only read two news articles about it but other than that, it's all I know."

"You don't have to tell me about it, Sam. You said you wanted to start fresh, and you don't owe anyone an explanation." Y/N assured her and the Carpenter girl countered, "No, I feel like I can trust you about… all of this." Sam replies before taking a deep breath.

From being the daughter of the original killers in the Woodsboro murders to her seeing visions of her dad in the mirror and being a victim of the ghost face attacks, she spared no details throughout her story, her therapy sessions going almost nowhere because she'd scare them off and Y/N never stopped her flow and listened intently to everything she said. Not even a single sound came out of her mouth as Sam spoke. The only thing she ever offered were observant eyes that watched every move, like how the crease on her forehead slowly increased as she went on or the hint of distaste in her voice when she mentioned her deceased ex-boyfriend. She barely bats an eye when she even admitted that she enjoyed killing him and Amber. Not a single change of muscle movement on her face other than taking a few sips from her drink and blinking now and then.

When Sam finished telling her whole story, she had been anticipating the request for her to leave and never come back, just like the one her psychiatrist said when she told him the truth that afternoon. She had grown to expect that from anyone now. Yet all she heard was an exhale from the woman she shared the table with,

"That's... a lot to take in." She hears her note as she rub her chin,

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that, Sam. You didn't deserve it." Y/N continues with empathetic eyes.

"You don't… feel like the need to push me away?" Sam asks, and for once she feared someone's answer more than anyone else. Almost too afraid that she'd scare Y/N away.

"No, not really." She told nonchalantly.

Sam stared blankly at her as she moved to cross her arms and looked down from her seat. She couldn't tell if she was about to take back her statement or maybe ask her more about the attacks. Yet Y/N was able to catch Sam off guard as she went to finish her martini,

"Not going to lie, those two deserved to die for what they did— I mean… committing murders because your movie franchise sucked? That seems childish, especially for an adult man." Y/N comments on her thoughts, not realizing it made her choke on her drink.

"Oh my god, Sam— are you okay?" She tries to offer her a glass of water though the Carpenter girl waves it off.

"No, no, it's just— you're right their motive seemed childish." A laugh follows, and it makes Y/N smile that she witnesses her being unguarded. She almost felt too lucky that Sam let herself be this vulnerable to her now.

"Thank you, for not turning me away and for always listening," Sam says after calming down.

And Sam meant it. It was nice to be heard and not hated for the first time. She felt safe knowing that she could trust a new person for once. She still has a long way from being able to trust again, but small process is still process.

"You're welcome. You deserve it." The woman says as she leans forward on the table and rested both elbows close to the edge, "If you need someone to talk about... this, I'm always open. No matter what it may be, I won't turn you away." Y/N continues with her signature smile this time.

After that, Sam went on with her shift while Y/N picked back up the papers she had scanned before the confrontation. It's a good thing she noted down her thoughts to remember where she left off and continued looking through some of the witness reports she had brought with her for their recent case. Sam would sometimes steal a few glances from her and offer a small smile whenever she gets caught. That was the moment she started growing more fond of their diner's regular. Each visit felt more special than the last and each offer of coffee breaks has made both of them closer. Whenever Sam wasn't on duty, Y/N would feel a little bored but Sam was able to text her and ask about her day. When there was someone who wanted to talk shit about her, Y/N wouldn't hesitate to spit back at them or push the person when someone throws their drink at her. The Carpenter girl appreciated the gestures and sometimes feels too bad that she gets to be splashed at, but the woman didn't mind. Tara got to meet her one day when she visited Sam to work and hanged out a little just to kill time. She was very skeptical of Y/N at first, but the way her sister eased up around her gave her the impression that she was trustworthy. Sam's trust is hard to earn after all.

The night was about to come, and Sam had just finished her shift when she happen to encounter the person that has been making her days ten times better than she ever expected. Y/N always wore a pantsuit to work, switching from 4 pairs. Today she was wearing the brown one that had a waistcoat and she was killing the style. Sam never gets tired of her presence or the way she always presents herself. She just looked ravishing in a pantsuit. Y/N had her coat neatly folded on her right arm that held folders while her messenger bag rested on her right shoulder. The smile that was so familiar to her greeted Sam Carpenter warmly that she couldn't help but blush,

"Good evening, Miss Carpenter. I'll be your chauffeur for tonight." Y/N announces with an accent. The attempt makes Sam laugh, "If that's your take on a British accent, you need to work more on it." She teased softly, shaking her head.

"C'mon, I'll walk you home." Sam hears her offer and gestured her occupied arm for her to take, which she happily does so.

"How chivalrous of you, Miss Y/L/N. Keep this up, and I might start falling for you." Half of it was a joke, but she was indeed falling for her, harder than Sam even realizes. If only she knew that Y/N had already fallen for her a while now.

She kept herself composed after Sam's teasing. Both of them chatted casually as they walk through the streets of New York. Y/N talked about her day at the office and how their copier was jamming down. It was annoying her and she had to kick it a few times before it worked again. Sam, on the other hand, shared about how a costumer had a screaming match with a date while eating and almost broke things in the diner. Dale was almost livid when the woman raised her plate and was about to throw it at the poor guy. Moments like these were nice for Sam. The life that was just mundane for once and not surrounded by the craziness of her past that still lingers. No screaming stranger threatening her, another flavored drink being thrown her way or a masked psycho trying to kill her, but a quiet night. Laughs were shared, jokes were thrown at each other, and flirts slipped here and there to make it seem like it was nothing. Even if the world around them was a little overwhelming, they were stuck in their own bubble cherishing each other's presence. Y/N was content and she had gathered enough courage until they reached Sam's apartment building. She collected her thoughts and watched her let go of her arm,

"This is me," Sam gestures to the building door, "Thank you for the walk, Y/N. It was... nice." She follows up with a light blush present on her cheeks. She hoped Y/N didn't notice them.

"Yeah, it was." Y/N smiles at her and scratched to back of her head.

"Look, I've been thinking, do you want to grab dinner sometime? You know— like a date. If you don't mind." The woman begins to avoid her brown eyes. Y/N was way too damn shy, and it made the brown girl giggle.

Sam then approaches her and almost closes the gap between them, leaving a peck on her cheek that it made Y/N jump. She turned so red it was almost like she was cherry. It was a first to witness her like this and it made Sam giggle even more as she didn't move away from her spot,

"I don't mind at all. I'm free by 6 pm tomorrow. No need to be fancy or grand, anything cheap would be fine by me." The Carpenter girl move close to her ear to whisper it to her.

Y/N then finally pulls herself together and gathers back the natural courage she had, trying to match Sam's, "6 pm, tomorrow it is then. I'll pick you up here, Carpenter."

She was the one to pull away and she puts back her signature smile before bidding her farewells to her.

"Good night, Sam. Sweet dreams." Y/N smoothly delivers and starts walking back to where they came from earlier.

Sam then watches her walk away and bites her lip. The view was indeed nice to watch. She then covers her face with both hands before giddily smiling at the ground, thinking about what had just happened. Sam thought it felt like high school all over again. That rush in her veins was quite familiar to her. It's been a while since she had it. All she has to do now is prepare for tomorrow and be sure it's perfect. Y/N, on the other hand, skipped through the streets like a little kid as she smiled widely. Few strangers looked at her funny, but everyone else focused to their own world. The papers she thought she'd be working on tonight would probably be forgotten now that the only thing on her mind is their date tomorrow.

Both women looked forward to it.

・ ‥…━━━━━━━━━━♡♡♡━━━━━━━━━━…‥ ・

thank you for reading! fell free to leave a request :>

#sam carpenter x reader #sam carpenter x female reader #sam carpenter x y/n #sam carpenter x you #sam carpenter #sam carpenter fanfic #scream 5 #scream 6 #melissa barrera #i love her so much your honor #nena's written work

[chvoswxtch]

Can I get a smut/fluff matt murdock. He gets home before you which is odd when he realizes that your at the boxing studio trying to get out your frustration on the kingpin case.

hi angel! sorry this took so long!! I hope this is what you were looking for. :) thank you so much for the request!

warning: contains sexual content. as always, minors please dni. also I was listening to not afraid anymore by halsey while writing this which inspired the title and the spicy part heheh, just a little fun fact. listening is optional! word count: 2.3k

not afraid anymore.

Matt had never seen you angry before. He didn’t think he had ever even heard you raise your voice at anyone before. Sure he had seen you annoyed, frustrated, stressed, even cranky when sleep had evaded you and the sweet relief of caffeine hadn’t yet hit your bloodstream; but never anything stronger. Anger was an emotion Matt was all too familiar with, one that oftentimes got the best of him, but one he hadn’t yet seen come out in you. Which is why he was shocked to say the least when he found you at Fogwell’s wailing down on a worn out punching bag with an intensity that nearly rivaled his own. 

Not only was he stunned with the force behind your punches, but also the impressiveness of your form, like you had done this before. Like this was some familiar routine of yours he had somehow missed. Matt searched the depths of his brain for any piece of conversation or any anecdote that would put the scene taking place in front of him into focus. You had never mentioned an interest in boxing before. You were a pacifist as far as Matt knew. You had asked him questions about his father when Matt first told you about him, and first brought you to Fogwell’s to show you where he trained sometimes, but your inquisitions were only about Matt’s better childhood memories, not his father’s career or his own training. 

Had he missed something? He remembers coaxing you into the ring with him once with a promise of teaching you how to throw a punch, something he did think you should know, but the lesson was soon forgotten when the two of you ended up a tangled mess on the mat instead; lessons and clothes long forgotten. He tilted his head to the side slightly as he honed in on your body. Your heart was thrashing against your rib cage, breaths jagged and shallow as you threw hit after hit. Sweat glued loose strands of hair to your face and heat pooled in your cheeks as tiny grunts of anger left your lips every so often. Matt was stupefied in place by the palpable rage he felt flowing freely through your veins. He didn’t know whether to be concerned, proud, or turned on.

Had something happened today to set you off? You weren’t at the apartment when Matt got home, which was unusual considering you were always home before him. But there were times you had to stay late at work, and he figured you must have been caught up in a project and forgot to tell him that you would be late. But then another hour went by and he still hadn’t heard from you. He called your phone three times but you didn’t answer. He checked with Foggy and Karen, and neither of them had heard from you either. After stopping by your office and hearing the security guard confirm you had left for the day hours earlier, Matt started to panic. He tried his hardest to steady his inexorable anxiety, focusing solely on your scent and following the invisible trail you left behind. His mind raced with worst possible case scenarios as he swiftly navigated the busy streets of Hell’s Kitchen. Matt was so lost in his own head, he didn’t even recognize where he was when he stopped in front of a building where your scent had stopped. It took him a minute to register that he was standing in front of Fogwell’s, confusion settling in further when he heard someone inside. As he quietly stepped through the doors, he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him when he realized that someone was you. 

Matt had been standing here for ten minutes. Your scent was incredibly faint, but it was unmistakably yours. He would know it anywhere. But it was also…his? He recognized the scent of his own shampoo and body wash lingering on you, completely masking the sweet citrus of your usual products. Is that why he hadn’t sensed you being in here before in any of his previous visits? How long had you been coming here without him? Why hadn’t you told him about it? Why were you going to lengths to hide it from him? Without thinking, he took a step forward towards you, freezing when his shoe made a squeak against the floor. You paused only for a moment, scoffing in annoyance before returning your fists to the bag.

“Jess, you know I hate it when you’re late and don’t tell me you’re going to be. Seriously, a text takes 5 seconds.”

Jess? Surely you didn’t mean…

“Please tell me you don’t mean Jessica Jones.”

This time when you faltered, Matt heard a sharp gasp leave your lips and the skip in your heartbeat. Your heart was still pounding in your chest, but not with anger. Matt could feel the swift change in your demeanor, all that fiery rage icing over with trepidation as you slowly turned around.

“What are you doing here?”

Your voice was quieter this time, almost small like a child who had been caught doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. Matt furrowed his brows as he cocked his head to the side, settling both of his hands on his hips.

“I could ask you the same thing, sweetheart. What’s going on?”

He heard a soft sigh of defeat leave your lips, wiping some of the sweat off your forehead with the back of your wrapped hand. You both knew an excuse was no use. There was no lying to him, and he would get the truth out of you one way or another.

“Jess…is teaching me.”

“Teaching you? Teaching you what? And since when is she Jess?”

“Since she’s my friend, Matt. She’s just…teaching me how to protect myself.”

“How to protect yourself?”

“Among other things.”

“What other things?”

Matt didn’t know what answer he was expecting from you, but it certainly wasn’t that. Since when were you close with Jessica? Why was she teaching you? When the hell did this start? Why didn’t she say anything to him about it? Anger began to simmer in Matt’s blood knowing Jessica had been keeping this secret from him. God only knows what the hell kind of shit she was filling your head with.

“Self defense, that’s all.”

“Why didn’t you come to me? Why have you been hiding this from me? I thought we didn’t have secrets.”

Matt tried to dispel the sting he felt at the realization that you had gone to someone else besides him for this, and that you had been hiding it purposefully. It must have been evident in his voice, because he heard the guilt in yours when you spoke. 

“I…I didn’t think you would teach me. I didn’t think you would want to. And I thought you would be mad if I told you what I was doing. I’m sorry, Matt. I didn’t-I only kept it from you because I didn’t want you to be angry with me. Please don’t be upset with Jess, I made her promise not to tell you.”

“Sweetheart, I offered to teach you how to hit.”

“Yeah, how to punch Matt. But would you have taught me how to disarm a gun from someone? How to block a knife? How to take someone down twice my size and strength?”

Matt’s perplexity only grew with every word you spoke. He stepped forward until he was standing in front of you, cradling your face in his hands and gazing blankly down at you in pure concern.

“Angel, why do you need to know all that? What’s this about? What’s going on?”

“I don’t want to be scared, Matt.”

“Scared of what, honey?”

“Fisk.”

Matt felt a pang in his chest at the vulnerability in your voice, but it was nothing compared to the guilt that flooded him at your confession. 

“Sweetheart…you know I would never let anything happen to you, right? You know I’m always going to protect you. Please tell me you know that.”

“I know that, Matt. But I also know what you and Foggy and Karen have planned…it’s brilliant. It’s a really good strategy, but you know it’s going to piss him off. He’s going to retaliate, someway, and I am not going to be a goddamn damsel in distress. I don’t want to be afraid of that asshole, or whatever sinister plans he has. I don’t want you to have to worry about protecting me. I want to be able to hold my own. I don’t want to be…I’m not afraid anymore.”

Matt, Foggy, and Karen had been working on a way to bring Fisk down in court. They finally had a break discovering a huge piece of damning evidence, but they had to play it just right. It was a huge risk, and they all knew the reward would be just as huge, but so could the consequences. The plan was to take Fisk down within the confines of the law, as far down as they could. They had been working on it for months, and Matt suddenly felt remorseful that he hadn’t checked in on how you felt about it all. Of course you knew what was going on and what they were planning. He had kept you completely in the loop. But he hadn’t taken a moment to sit down with you and talk about what this could mean, and to discuss any apprehensions you might have had. He hadn’t taken the time to put your mind at ease about the foreboding consequences. He just assumed you knew he would do anything in his power to protect you. Matt never once considered that you would want the power to protect yourself. 

“I…I’m sorry, angel. I never…I just assumed you knew that I would take care of you. That I would protect you. I never stopped to ask you how you felt about all of this-“

“Matt, I want you guys to do this. You have to do this. Fisk has made a career of hurting innocent people, and hurting the people that I love more than anything in this world time and time again. I don’t want to have to worry about something happening to Karen or Foggy because of him. I don’t want to even think about losing you because of him. I want you to take him down, for good. I just want to be prepared for when you do.”

There was an edge to your voice Matt had never heard before. This side of you was entirely new to him. He had only ever known you as gentle and soft spoken. You weren’t a pushover by any means, and had no problems being firm when you had to be, but this was different. There was venom lacing your words when you spoke about Fisk, even a hint of a warning in your low tone. Your heart was pounding at a furious pace, but with an honest rhythm. You meant every word, and Matt didn’t think he had ever been so fucking turned on in his entire life.

“Alright, sweetheart. Show me what you can do.”

After about thirteen tries, you managed to take him down. Although that had more to do with Matt growing impatient and his throbbing cock aching for attention. He let you take him down, but he would confess that later. He’d let you try again for real another time. But right now, he needed you. His hands gripped hungrily at your hips as you writhed on top of him with insatiable desire. The entire gym was filled with the echoes of your hips colliding together at a ravenous pace, a cacophony of your lascivious moans and Matt’s filthy praises pushing you for more. A devilish grin overtook his mouth as his hand wrapped tightly around your throat, deciding to get a little revenge with his pleasure. 

“That’s my fucking girl. Let go for me, let me have it. Let me have it all. Scream for me, angel. Wanna hear my name coming from that pretty mouth.”

Matt didn’t bother holding back his own shout of pleasure when your walls tightened around him, triggering his own powerful release. He chuckled darkly at the sound of the door slamming shut and the groan of disgust that resounded throughout the space.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you two. Matthew, you fucking asshole. I know you heard me coming, you little shit. You could’ve warned me.”

“You could’ve told me the truth about what you were doing with my girlfriend, Jones. We’re even.”

“We are so far from fucking even. The amount of therapy I am going to need-“

“Like you would actually go to therapy.”

“Okay, can you two not argue right now? Seriously I am naked, and Matt you are literally still inside me. Jess, you’re late, and if you hadn’t been late, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.”

Matt snickered as he lazily grabbed his shirt, lifting it up to cover your breasts before resting both of his arms behind his head with a satisfied grin. 

“So technically, this is all your fault.”

“Fuck you, Murdock. I’m sending you a bill for emotional distress. I accept payments in cash and bourbon. Also, I don’t know why you bothered covering her up. Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

Matt nearly choked on his own spit at those words, quickly sitting up on his palms with furrowed brows as his eyes darted blankly between the two of you rapidly.

“Wait, what?”

“None of your business. I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N/N.”

Matt gazed at you in shock for the second time that night, a symphony of your giggles hitting his ears as you leaned in to wrap your arms around his neck and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“Let’s go home, Matty.”

#matt murdock #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x y/n #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x female reader #matt murdock x fem!reader #matt murdock fic #matt murdock smut #matt murdock request #daredevil #daredevil fic #daredevil smut #daredevil request #foggy nelson #karen page #wilson fisk #kingpin #jessica jones

[liesyousoldme]

uploaded my designs to teepublic and everything is on sale!!! help your local cancer thriver out and check out some lyrics from taylor swift and halsey, pride designs, and more!! available as stickers, shirts, magnets, phone cases, wall art, etc

#please check it out and reblog!! #taylor swift #halsey #lgbtq #lgbtqia

[apollo-cackling]

Tagged by @st-just to press shuffle on my listening playlist (in my case just all the songs I have downloaded on my phone lol) and relate the first ten songs (ty for the tag!)

cards on the table, I'm going to do a little bit of pruning here, just bc there are a lot of songs where the only reason I have them downloaded is bc I like listening to things in album order/I intend to listen to them sometime— —and getting ex. ~5-6 songs that're like "yeah I don't really like this one on its own I just like the album/idk haven't listened to this one yet" is pretty boring lol.

edit: why are there so many Halsey songs on this 💀💀💀 Halsey's a pretty small % of the songs I have downloaded why're there so many of them here dhsjkahgkajg

anyway:

Forever.... is a long time - Halsey - not my favourite song on that album (that'd probably go to Ashley, 929, or killing boys), but I do still rather like it and one of the better songs on that album. really neat mood piece.

Alone (Live) - Halsey. I tend to think of the hfk live album as weaker than the Badlands one, bc Badlands is a rough album with a lot of potential that Halsey, with several years of practice now under her belt, really brought out, whereas hfk is just like. decent. not bad not terribly great the entire way through, so there's less for a live performance to improve on. plus Badlands is just better suited to be performed live— —all of which can be seen pretty clearly in this one? it's pretty on par with, if not a little worse, than the studio version. does get points for being the solo version (I am a staunch "solo Alone is 10000000x better than the collab version and it's weird the collab's the one that got popular" believer), and solo Alone is still pretty good so it's not that bad

Easier Than Lying - Halsey. had no strong until I saw them say that it's about parental relationships, which caused it to shoot to one of my favourites on that album. ONE EYE OPEN AND ONE EYE BRUISED 'CAUSE I HID* MYSELF AWAY FOR YOU YOU LIAR YOU DON'T LOVE ME TOO IT'S EASY FOR YOU AFTER ALL *(yes ik it's "give" and not "hid" technically but idc. hid is so much better the lyric is "hid" to me)

Let It All Go - Birdy & RHODES. notable for being the only collab Birdy's done where the other guy pulled his weight by a hilarious margin dskjhakghadg uhhh more to the point, it's a pre-hiatus Birdy song with all its associated jank, but in the right mood I do still somewhat like it.

Paradise Calling (live) - Birdy. oh absolutely love this one, incredible in a completely different way than the studio version - the structure of "slow but steady buildup to a transcendental climax" is catnip to me. demonstrates the incredible control Birdy has over momentum that I like so much really well. bit constrained by what's possible to be sung live but still. really like this one

Never Enough - MALINDA. just unequivocally better than the orig version imo. the orig is more technically impressive, but it just feels empty to me, whereas Malinda's version is so much more full/emotional/alive. orig might work better in the context of the movie idk but yeah

Requiem - Mallory Bechtel - another "the orig might be better within the context of the musical, but as a standalone I like this one so much better." Bechtel also just has a really gorgeous voice

Pale Court - Christopher Larkin. talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the sa- yeah idk, just an incredible piece, one of my favourites. brings together a lot of what I love about classical pieces and modern instrumental pieces. just incredible

Ya'aburnee - Halsey. testament to how strong the rest of iichliwp is that this isn't always in my top 3. really like this one, the intimate and vulnerable feel of it.

Mole - The Mountain Goats. idk how to talk about tmg songs on their own - it only really makes sense to me at least to think of them within their albums (with a few notable exceptions). but yeah great song, the way the chorus is inflected subtly differently each time really gets me sometimes

tagging uhhhh (no pressure ofc) @fallowhearth @toasthaste @in-bituin-the-stars @wrecked-cuticles @booksandchainmail @terresdebrume @crowns-of-violets-and-roses @histrionicintrovert and anyone else who wants to do this!

#my rambles #tag games #ty! #music #genuinely I'm so ????? at why there're so many halsey songs on this I like manic and iichliwp but like. they're a really small proportion- #-of the songs I listen to like 💀💀💀 what

[halseyroom]

quick question for you, halsey fan:

do you buy anything related to halsey? (merch, phone cases etc)

if yes, where? which websites?

#please help me out here

[song-writer-melo-wrath]

~tag game~

rules: reblog this and say “rest in peace [your OC], you would have loved…” then tag your pals!

Thank you to @1000punks for the tag, always a pleasure <3

[looks at OC amount] … Oh. Oh goodness. Athy are we really doing this.

Well, let me get my tags out of the way now, @spiderin-space and @nova-moshi because I love their characters.

@hefkerut cause I've seen them mentioned a few times and would love to know more.

I think in other cases, I don't know if they like being tagged or not, or don't know if they have OCs or not, so if you see this and want to OC ramble, say I tagged you, it's an honorary tag <3

Now, let's run through them, shall we? I'll try going alphabetically. You might want to sit down.

RIP Acolith, you would have loved Sakura festivals.

RIP Adamantine, you would have loved “gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss” posts.

RIP Adonis, you would have loved I'm Just Ken.

RIP Aged-Berry, you would have loved The Phantom of the Opera. And Tangled.

RIP Aikungi, you would have loved, nay, DEVOURED Naruto.

RIP Aldur, you would have loved drive in theatres.

RIP Amber, you would have loved candied insects.

RIP Ambrosia, you would have loved homemade beanies from Etsy.

RIP Anon, you would have loved the universal dislike of Anish Kapoor.

RIP Applesweet, you would have loved the fact that I gave you a different name, then forgot it. Girl I am so sorry. I'll work on it. You're still gonna be nicknamed that though.

RIP Arctic, you would have loved various authors dunking on J. K. Rowling.

RIP Arianna, you would have loved the song Dusk Till Dawn.

RIP Ash, you would have loved tone indicators.

RIP Ashlynn, you would have loved dry-clean services.

RIP Aspyn, you would have loved (and did, in fact, love) the Heathers musical.

RIP Astral Querie, you would have loved Lovebot.

RIP Astriel, you would have loved the MCR reunion tour.

RIP Athmoth, you would have loved the resurgence of bardcore, musical theatre, and the use of piano and music box in lo-fi.

RIP Bandit, you would have loved the choker section of Etsy.

RIP Bastion, you would have loved the video game you were inspired by: Bastion.

RIP Behemoth, you would have loved the memes about Ea-nāṣir

RIP Beregiso, you would have loved the fact that Dance Dance Revolution still has new games.

RIP Callie, you would have loved kites made in the shape of cute things like butterflies!!

RIP Caramel/Karma, you would have loved silly string.

RIP Cassandra, you would have loved Lacroix. I like my Lacroix the way I like Cassandra. I don't like Lacroix.

RIP Cat's Eye Apatite/Kat, you would have loved the increasing amount of pockets being put back in skirts/dresses.

RIP Celine, you would have loved Cheesecake Factory.

RIP Cinnabar, you would have loved girl in red.

RIP Chidimma, you would have loved and laughed your ass off at the “is it blue and black or white and gold” dress.

RIP Chuko, you would have loved Bubblegum Bitch by Marina and the Diamonds

RIP Claymin, you would have loved the amount of embroidery patterns you can find online.

RIP Creation/Pebbles, you would have loved the crab rave video.

RIP Cricket, you would have loved the Necronomicon.

RIP Culpin, you would have loved sorbet places.

RIP Cyan, you would have loved liquid glitter phone cases.

RIP Dahlia, you would have loved online gothic lolita shops.

RIP Danyacree, you would have loved tarot cards.

RIP Daphne, you would have loved 4D chess.

RIP Dawn, you would have loved the concept of ukulele apology songs, and then gone “wait, the first one was due to WHAT?!”

RIP Dayo, you would have loved Joshua Weissman's channel.

RIP Delphinium, you would have loved Pink. Possibly Halsey as well.

RIP Destruction, you would have also loved the crab rave video.

RIP Devil Wood Razoda/"Razzy", you would have loved Chicago (the musical)

RIP Dextropho, you would have loved prosthetic stickers.

RIP Dione, you would have loved Owl City.

RIP Dusk, you would have loved melatonin.

RIP Dushun, you would have loved temporary tattoos.

RIP E-302, you would have loved ENA

RIP Eden, you would have loved Troye Sivan.

RIP Eflores, you would have loved flower symbolism websites.

RIP Eko, you would have loved Amy Rose.

RIP Ellum, you would have loved sensory deprivation tanks.

RIP Eodel, you would have loved Post Modern Jukebox.

RIP Euphy, you would have loved the “FUCK YOU BALTIMORE” video.

RIP Fable, you would have loved remote jobs.

RIP Fate, you would have loved Dutch Bros.

RIP Fang, you you would have loved cybercore masks.

RIP Fiona, you would have loved online hair styling tutorials.

RIP Flaveo, you would have loved virgin cocktails.

RIP Fleur, you would have loved slam poetry gatherings. And Queer Eye.

RIP Gecko Gleeble, you would have loved learning to play Riptide and Soul Sister.

RIP Harper, you would have loved Weird Al.

RIP Hazel, you would have loved Studio Ghibli movies.

RIP Helios, you would have loved solar panels.

RIP Hemlocke, you would have loved the legalization of weed.

RIP Honeycomb, you would have loved Once Upon A Time. And Tangled.

RIP Hope, you would have loved cat ear headphones.

RIP Hyacinth, you would have loved community gardens and TeamTrees.

RIP Ilya, you would have loved Influence by Robert Cialdini.

RIP Incar, you would have loved Imagine Dragons.

RIP Inigo, you would have loved Lin Manuel Miranda.

RIP Iris, you would have loved Star Wars. Nnnnot so much the third trilogy.

RIP Jasmine, you would have loved Domino's.

RIP Jefferson, you would have loved the Hercule Poirot movies. Especially the last one, you'd get so much closure.

RIP Karuko, you would have loved the fireworks shows at Butchart Gardens.

RIP Kerinth, you would have loved Fire Emblem.

RIP Kirino, you would have loved the fact that the lesbian flag now has orange. And the internet's love of frogs.

RIP Lemming, you would have loved nature documentaries.

RIP Ladyfingers, you would have loved Epic the musical.

RIP Larth, you would have loved Dracula the Musical.

RIP Lamya, you would have loved Berrywitched.

RIP Lavender, you would have loved the concept of counting sheep.

RIP Lavender (yes, I have two of them), you would have loved mobiles.

RIP Locket, you would have loved popcorn machines.

RIP Lucastamine, you would have loved Dungeon Meshi.

RIP Mal, you would have loved 90s kpop.

RIP Maldue, you would have loved Renaissance Fairs.

RIP Marble Fondant, you would have loved Bob Ross.

RIP Maximus, you would have loved The Greatest Showman.

RIP Mayday, you would have loved rhythm games.

RIP Melody, you would have loved hyperpop.

RIP Monelia, you would have loved Mitski.

RIP Morose, you would have loved Wolfwalkers. And Turning Red. And the live-action The Little Mermaid…except for how they made Flounder look.

RIP Mysterium, you would have loved Vocaloid as a whole.

RIP Mythos, you would have loved The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

RIP Narcoma, you would have loved Poppy in her metal era.

RIP Naonë, you would have loved both Hades and Hades 2.

RIP Nym, you would have loved 60s love songs. And the British Baking Show.

RIP Nystil, you would have loved sparkle GIFs.

RIP Olivia, you would have loved dodie.

RIP Oliphant, you would have loved Skyrim.

RIP Opsys, you would have loved the Trouled Birds series.

RIP Othello Onyxus/Thello, you would have loved r/Piracy.

RIP Pallas, you would have loved Hollow Knight.

RIP Pale Bloodstone, you would have loved Hazbin Hotel.

RIP Palharine, you would have loved Celeste.

RIP Paprika, you would have loved pretzel places.

RIP Perlif, you would have loved Shape of You by Ed Sheeran.

RIP Petal, you would have loved both Frozen movies.

RIP Phantom, you would have loved dubstep.

RIP Phanny, you would have loved skydiving.

RIP Pidoth, you would have loved blumineck.

RIP Pietro, you would have loved the “jk…unless” meme.

RIP Popleir, you would have loved Mothman.

RIP Pyrlotarius, you would have loved Greek amphitheatres.

RIP Recedes, you would have loved The Princess Bride.

RIP Rowley, you would have loved r/nostupidquestions

RIP Royal Fondant, you would have loved Happy Tree Friends

RIP Serendipity, you would have loved the rising trend of girls who call themselves soft but are actually absolutely batshit.

RIP Silica, you would have loved Alec Benjamin.

RIP Sinistropho, you would have loved the Lockwood and Co books, but NOT the show.

RIP Skylar, you would have loved Barnes & Noble.

RIP Solaris, you would have loved Life is Strange. Even if it's not that good of a game, it's fun to play with friends, and has its moments.

RIP Streak, you would have loved drunk karaoke. Or really, just. Karaoke. You'll get there.

RIP Stidgeon, you would have loved horoscope newsletters.

RIP Summer River, you would have loved A Sound of Thunder.

RIP Song, you would have loved speedrunners.

RIP Tamia, you would have loved uquiz.

RIP Tanuki, you would have loved the Nintendo 3DS Eshop music.

RIP Tecwyn, you would have loved the increasing diversity of people in scientific fields. Especially trans women and furries.

RIP Tivity, you would have loved Animal Crossing.

RIP Venn, you would have loved Twilight, but not for the usual reasons people like Twilight.

RIP Venus, you would have loved the ever-rising appreciation for BUFF 👏 WOMEN 👏

RIP Victor, you would have loved Vaporwave.

RIP Victoria/Vicky, you would have loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer

RIP Vio, you would have loved the web-weaving tag on Tumblr.

RIP Vulciadis, you would have loved the continued existence of gospel music.

RIP Warwick, you would have loved 3d printing.

RIP Wester, you would have loved weather vanes.

RIP Wrath, you would have loved Burning Man.

RIP Withanix, you would have loved huge earrings.

RIP Wonwite, you would have loved “daily ___” blogs.

RIP Qwerty, you would have loved the Unipiper.

RIP Yintu, you would have loved the utter failure of NFT bros.

RIP Yulmix/Mimi, you would have loved the phrase “comfort the afflicted, afflict the comfortable”

RIP Yume, you would have loved “is the ___ video cute” blogs.

RIP Ziah, you would have loved the meme of giving Roombas knives.

RIP Zinnia, you would have loved the cottagecore side of the internet.

+ a few more but ohhh wow is this making Tumblr load slower.

#athy rambles #when I say 'I have over 100 OCs'... #I do in fact mean. I have over 100 OCs. #ocs #oc #my ocs #original character #original characters

[johntylermounce]

Harden Feelings Good, only a gaze.

The smell still stays inside

If odor gets to them

Turn them on to flowers

Mask the shameful lazyness

Hide away your face for some time

Come back when you're rested

And well oiled to toy up

Then dive deep into unknown

Brace thy self before breaking

Letting out the nerves naturally

Oh, what a way to love again

Would feel so inspired to manage

But the cards dealt have sunk

Not any chances for romantics

Only a gaze of wishing for another

The one that doesn't feel the same

Hard to accept and I can't let go

So I ponder the old footage in head

My memory's right of past times

Never forgotten, just dated

Time to make new images

Something that'll strike a cord

A meeting, glares of intense

Molding the moments

Harden those feelings for good.

#findyourthing #redbubble #poetry #writings #john tyler mounce #poets on tumblr #poem #poet #Spotify

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @dreatine - thanks so much!! ♡

Eleven Minutes

7:20…

Spencer’s phone dings, snapping his vision away from scrutinising his reflection in the mirror.

“Ok, Im now leaving, see you there!”

A text. That’s how it all started, a single text from you. He remembers it like it was yesterday, but he remembers every single one of the 14 days since, even clearer. After 7 months of no communication, you appeared on his phone.

“Just saw the cutest dog in existence”

Of course he hadnt deleted your number, and your text proved you hadnt deleted his either, or maybe you had, but you’d memorised it. He’d replied with a single perplexed question mark, and you sent him another text in seconds.

“Seriously, look, you wont believe it”

With that one, you attached a picture of the dog you’d seen, and he realised what you were doing. Breaking the ice in the least awkward way possible. And you succeeded. Everyday since, you and Spencer have been exchanging casual texts, picking up right where you left off but in a way he’d never expected.

7:22…

He checks his reflection one more time in the mirror, fixing his hair and your favourite tie of his, before texting you a reply.

“Im on my way!”

It was like you’d never broken up. Spencer coped with not having an explanation for 7 days, then he couldnt take it. The curiosity was eating at him until he finally caved and called you.

7:24…

Spencer remembered the way his heart leapt, hearing your voice for the first time in so long. It brings a smile to his face as he locks his front door and begins walking down the street.

“Spence…it’s 2am, what in the world couldnt wait just a few more hours?” He could tell he’d woken you from a deep sleep, and he felt terrible, but he couldnt put this off any longer.

“This cant wait. Please.”

You cleared your throat, sensing the seriousness of his reasoning without even knowing what it was. “Okay, okay, what’s up?”

The question fell from his lips in a hurried jumble. “Why did you start talking to me again?”

Silence.

7:24…

The streetlights guide him, and he cant help seeing the coincidence within them. Spencer only ever notices how bright the world he is when you’re around.

That night, he took a breath, about to speak, but you finally answered.

“I missed you.”

And that was all he needed. He didnt question any further, and the two of you talked on the phone until the sun came up. He knew enough, and you could always read him like a book; he knew that you knew without even asking, your feelings were reciprocated, always.

7:26…

It was light night that Spencer suggested the two of you meet up for the first time in what felt like an eternity, and it was you who asked if it would be a date. That, he said, was up to you. Well then, I guess it’s a date, he recalls you chirping, his mind replaying your excitement, causing him to light up. Spencer looks down at the ground as he walks, to hide his expression in case anyone saw him walking alone and wondered why he was smiling so widely to himself.

7:28…

Round the corner is the bar you suggested meeting at, because it’s so close to where Spencer lives, so it’s one the two of you used to visit regularly. Like old times, he thinks blissfully. You arranged to meet at half past 7, and he’s close by, he doesnt want to arrive early or before you, he doesnt want to seem overly eager, so he stops.

7:30…

Leaning against the brick wall of the building behind the bar, Spencer lets his head roll back to look up at the night sky. He’s mere seconds away from being where you want him to be, where he’ll finally get to see you again. He wonders how this will work, is he supposed to greet you with a kiss on the cheek, or a hug? And at the end of the date, what happens in this scenario? Is kissing you too forward? Too soon? Spencer knows you better than anyone, but in this situation, when the two of you havent been in each other’s presence for so long, he doesnt know how much of you still responds to him in the same way. He doesnt want his excitement to be replaced by nervousness, he shakes his head and tries to focus on the positives. Like seeing your smile, hearing your voice and your laugh in person, looking into your eyes, making you blush, performing his cheesiest pickup lines so that you dramatically swoon before the two of you collapse into fits of laughter.

Scenes play out in Spencer’s head, making him dizzy in the best way, opening the door of the butterfly cage in his stomach. It’s time. His hands begin to shake lightly at his sides as he takes a deep breath and steps away from the wall, turning in the direction of the bar. But Spencer only manages to take a single step before the sound of a gunshot pierces the air, and his blood runs cold.

…7:21

Your eyes flick down from the street in front of you every few seconds as you await his reply. He might cancel, right now, he could get cold feet or realise this is a bad idea, he could-

A gentle smile overtakes your features as you read the text from Spencer. He’s going to be there, you’re really going to see each other again. Your cheeks flush pink at the thought of him just smiling at you, you feel like a high school girl with a crush, not an adult woman going on a date with her ex. That phrasing is so bitter, you shake your head, this is a good thing! It’s going to work itself out. You two will be fine, like you always are.

…7:23

Tucking your phone into your bag and zipping it shut, you nod to yourself as a mantra of positive thoughts towards this situation flood your mind, reassuring you that this is the right thing to you.

Last night you booked a hotel room down the street so that you could walk to the bar rather than have to rely on public transport. You want to arrive on time, early even, so that you dont miss a minute of tonight.

…7:25

You clutch the strap of your bag with one hand, your other hand flattening your dress against the gentle breeze. The material of the dress is soft, it’s technically a summer dress, not entirely weather appropriate for a colder-than-average night, but it doesnt matter. Spencer’s eyes used to fall out of his skull whenever he saw you in this dress. On the summer nights when he was working late and you’d show up at his desk, gifting him with food you’d prepared for him yourself. You’d keep him company until he was done with his work, keeping the smile on his face that he couldnt find the words to thank you for. Lost in thought, you tuck your hair behind your ears shyly, as though he’s smiling at you and calling you beautiful now, rather than in a memory.

…7:27

Another cool wind caresses you, and you’re quick to wrap your leather jacket further around yourself. A summer dress and a leather jacket, the best combination to reassure Spencer that you’re still the same badass who’s very obviously wholesome too. Exactly what you’re hoping he misses, even if he didnt verbally confirm that on the night you told him you missed him. Doubting is pointless and will only make you insecure, you remind yourself, Spencer suggested to meet, he replied to all your texts, he called you at 2am because you were on his mind. Everything is going to be fine, this is right.

…7:29

The warm glow from the lights beyond the bar windows greet you as you reach the building, and you lean against the wall. Looking over your shoulder, you peak in the windows, knowing Spencer wont be there since you arranged to meet outside, but wanting to check regardless. Just in case. You take your phone out of your bag to check the time. He only lives down the street, he’ll be here any second. You turn to face the direction you know he’ll be walking from, along the same street the two of you laughed down countless times, tipsy and serenading each other with whatever song you’d favoured on the bar playlist that night. Tucking your phone back in your bag, you let yourself relax. This will bring the two of you back together, where you belong.

“Hey there pretty girl, what’re you doing all by yourself?”

You roll your eyes at the voice behind you.

“Try to flirt with me again and I’ll rip your midget dick off.” You say without bothering to turn around, still waiting for Spencer to round the corner.

The voice behind you laughs. “I dont think it’s you that should be making threats here, sweetheart.”

The click of a gun takes you out of your badass state of mind. You slowly turn around, clutching the strap of your bag, annoyed at yourself for putting your phone away. Back when you and Spencer were together, he helped teach you how to call him with your phone behind your back. But that’s useless now.

“What do you want?” You ask, your voice less sharp, more negotiable.

The man tilts his gun towards your hip. “Your bag, it looks pretty expensive, and I need a ticket out of here, fast.”

You shake your head and take a step back. “No, I cant. There’s nothing of value in there, just sentimental stuff. Please, go, I wont tell anyone I saw-“

He cuts you off. “BULLSHIT! Give me your fucking bag!”

You nod and hold your hands up. “Okay, okay, calm down, let’s do this slowly. Im going to pass you my bag, but please lower your gun so you dont accidentally shoot me.”

He scoffs, but lowers his gun as you hold your bag out to him.

…7:31

He reaches for your bag, the moment seeming to pass in slow motion, until you take your chance. You yank your bag back to your side and make a run for it, knowing Spencer cant be far, he’ll protect you. A gunshot sounds before you make it round the corner, and before you have time to process it, you’re lying on the sidewalk.

Spencer runs down the street, reaching you in a few steps. He sees the man running down the street, the way your hands are still clinging to your bag as you lie on your side, and he puts the pieces together in less than a second. Crouching at your side, he gently takes ahold of your face with shaking hands. He’s always been so careful with you, but now so more than ever. Your eyes are closed, but you smile in recognition.

“(Y/N), stay with me, please!” Spencer pleads desperately, tears already cascading down his face at a rapid rate.

His hands make quick work of taking both of yours in one of his, which he then presses to the bullet wound in your side, while his other hand reaches for his phone and holds it to his ear. His report to emergency services is brief but informative, done in less than 20 seconds, before his full attention is back on you.

“I-I cant lose you again, not like this! Please, dont go!” Spencer sobs, using his now free hand to carefully move your hair out of your face.

“There’s something for you…in my bag.” Your voice is so quiet, so weak, as the pool of blood grows beneath you.

Spencer’s free hand digs through your bag, ignoring the feeling of things he expects to be there, like your house keys, until he finds a small piece of paper that’s folded in half.

“Open it.” You whisper, opening your eyes as much as you can, an exhausted squint watching him as he unfolds the paper.

Just in case I didnt have the balls to tell you tonight-

Spencer shakes his head. “I dont need to read this, you can tell me once we’re at the hospital, after a nap, okay?” His voice is as soft as yours, weak in an entirely different sense.

You smile up at him. “Even if that’s what happens next…I want you to read it. Didnt think I’d get to see your reaction to it, so I’ll take this chance. Please read it.”

Spencer sniffles and nods, reflecting your smile. “For you? Anything.”

He unfolds the paper again.

Just in case I didnt have the balls to tell you tonight, I still love you, Spence. I always have, and always will.

Spencer’s chin wobbles as fresh tears with an entirely different meaning fill his eyes. He doesnt waste another opportunity to verbally reciprocate feelings, and he clears his throat.

“I love you too, (Y/N). Always have, always will.” His voice is hoarse and shaky.

You grin up at him with everything you have, moving one of your hands away from your wound, Spencer having to loosen his hold on your hands in order to let you go. You lift your bloody hand to his cheek and he holds it there, nuzzling into your palm, neither of you caring about getting your blood on his face.

“Nice tie.”

Spencer parts his lips to reply, to tell you that you look beautiful in the dress he’d noticed you wearing as soon as he saw you, but your eyes flutter closed. He hadnt noticed just how big the pool of blood had gotten, it’s soaked through the knees of his suit trousers. His shaking hand goes to your neck, his fingers checking your pulse, desperate to detect any sign of life. But he doesnt feel anything. Except he does, he feels every aspect of his very being shatter, leaving him a shaking, sobbing mess. The gentle smile stays on your face, blue lights from the ambulance casting a glow on your beautiful face that makes you look even less alive. But Spencer doesnt hear the sirens, not over his own agonising screams. You are gone. If he had just walked around that corner, if he hadnt been so caught up in making a good impression on someone he already knew, he could have saved you. Or he could have taken your place. He’s without you, again, but this time in the worst way possible.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #imagine #imagines #x reader #criminal minds #fanfic #fanfiction #headcannon #Spotify

[ninjadeathblade]

Control (A Hat In Time fanfic)

Summary: Empress has been confined to the metro for five years and she's growing sick of her lack of freedom. Small things slowly nudge her towards taking proper action and making the metro a better place, once and for all.

Beginning | Previous | Next

Word count: 7,878

Warnings (there are lots for this chapter oops): Blood, injury, self harm, implied murder, near death experience of a side character, manipulation, swearing, threats, self worth issues, depression, trauma

Author's notes: This ended up way longer than I expected it to be. Anyway, just in case Em didn't have enough trauma (this isn't even the worst thing just you guys wait for the next chapter). Title is the song "Control" by Halsey. Please god read the warnings. Anyway, haha, we're reaching the climax of this story next chapter. Hope you guys have been enjoying this.

Empress wasn't sure how long went by, down in the Metro.

Majesty didn't take any chances, only letting her go to the surface if she had an escort, and never letting her go near the border between the territory that separated the metro.

Most of the time she was stuck running odd jobs around the Angel bases or sorting through paperwork for Majesty.

Maybe it was months. Maybe years. A decade could've gone by, it felt so long.

Contact to the surface was prohibited too, her phone destroyed and every other member of the gang knowing not to allow her to use their devices.

So she waited.

And hoped that Badge and Claw didn't try to do something stupid.

“Apprentice,” Majesty called.

Empress looked up from the book she was reading. “Yes sir?”

The tabby held up a small package. “Delivery to the main crèche. My mate is there, it’s for her.”

Her attention zoned in on him slightly as she put down her book. “You- you have a mate?”

“Yes, now hurry up or I'll take the wasted time from the fur off your back,” Majesty hissed.

Empress scrambled up and took the package, carrying the small box under one arm as she made her way towards the crèche she grew up in.

It was the only one still in use nowadays.

The white and grey cat padded soundlessly into the room, the skills from her training since she was forced to stay down there.

“You must be Majesty's protégé,” a cat called.

Empress spun her head to look at the far corner of the room, a black cat curled on her side and facing the entrance.

“And you must be his mate,” she returned, walking close, placing the package and then stepping back.

The black cat smiled weakly, one paw scooping the object closer. “Please, call me Shadow.”

Empress nodded politely, sitting down beside her. “How far along are you?”

Shadow moved a paw to rest over her swollen stomach. “Any day now.”

Silence passed between them as they both dipped into their thoughts.

Empress knew that these kittens would not have a good life, not growing up down here, despite the advances in more recent years.

“You're his favourite you know,” Shadow eventually said.

Empress fought to keep a scowl from springing onto her face. “I am afraid I have to leave now, ma'am. Good luck with the kittens.”

She paused on the way back to Majesty's office, looking down the paths around her.

Empress dipped down a side tunnel, moving quickly.

If she wanted to try and leave, it would have to be fast.

Two paws, wrenching a vent grate off the wall and then hoisting herself up and into the cramped passage.

She’d only get a few minutes to try and leave.

Not that it would properly work.

Empress ground her jaw as her shoulders and legs painfully scraped against the sides of the narrow vent, crawling as quickly as she could through to get to and exit.

Empress shoved open the grate on the outside of the building, wincing as it hit the floor with a loud clang.

The white and grey cat darted down the street she dropped onto, heading as far from the building as possible.

Empress took a shaky breath in, looking around.

Where even was she?

It must've been some dead-end back path in the Metro.

It was practically empty except for-

A phonebooth.

Empress walked forwards, wondering if it would still work.

If it did, maybe she could talk to Badge! Scarlett! Cl-

Slowly she punched in Scarlett's phone number, breathing heavily as the phone line rang.

A connection chime. “Hello?”

“Scarlett?” Empress choked out.

“Holy fu-” Scarlett sputtered and another voice was faint in the background.

“Darlin’? Who is it?”

“Um, no one Conductor, it's just Trisha,” Scarlett shouted.

The sound of rapid footsteps as the owl moved to a different room.

“Emily? What the hell, where have you been?!”

Empress drew a deep breath. “That's not my name.”

“What?”

“That name. It's not mine,” Empress growled down the line before composing herself. “Anyway, how're you? How's theatre club going?”

“What the fuck?! You can't just disappear for five years and- and then just call like nothing's happened!” Scarlett shrieked over the connection, voice wavering slightly. “Hell Em, we all thought you were dead! Five fucking years and not a word! I haven't seen Badge in years either, or Claw! Where did you all go?! You have no right to run off without a word Em, no right! I don't even do theatre club anymore!”

Tears slipped down Empress' cheeks. “Scarlett I- I wanted to be home, with you, I- I still do!” Empress argued. “Are you still at Matilda's?”

“My mum's…?” Scarlett breathed. “I moved out of there two years ago, Con wanted us to go back to where he grew up so we could raise our kid.”

“What the fuck, you have a kid?!”

“Correction, we have an egg,” Scarlett sniffed. “You would know you had a niece if you were still around!”

“I have a niece…”

Empress' mind worked a mile a minute, trying to process everything.

“Scarlett, I promise you I will-”

A gun firing.

The line ringing empty.

Blood pounding in her ears.

A painful whine as her ears adjusted to hearing again.

“Shit,” Empress swore, looking in the direction the bullet had come from.

Majesty held the smoking muzzle pointed towards her. “Don't make me do this, Empress. Don't make me shoot you.”

Empress' arms shook, her tail moving to curl around one leg. “Majesty, I swear, I wasn't going-”

“Yeah, you weren't going to leave, shut the fuck up,” Majesty cut her off. “We all know that's a lie. Now, you're going to come back to base. And you're not going to pull any more dumb stunts. Okay?”

Her eyes darted around, seeing if there was any other way out the back alley.

If she climbed the large bin over there, she could reach the fire escape stairs up the side of that building and then escape through the buildings.

But Majesty had a gun and she knew he wouldn't have any reservations about using it.

A gun that should have six shots, but down to five seeing as he had cut the line.

Five shots left.

“Empress. Don't be a stupid asshole.”

She dashed over to the bin, gunshots following her as she crouched behind it.

One shot as she left the booth, another when she was halfway between, a third as she ducked into cover.

Two shots left.

She stood up quickly, utilising the adrenaline pumping through her veins, ducking back down as a shot clanged onto the lid of the bin.

One shot.

The sound of another shot ringing out.

No shots.

Pain from the outer side of her right ear.

Red liquid clouding her vision on that side.

The sound of Majesty cursing and fumbling to reload the gun.

Empress heaved herself onto the top of the bin, jumping and reaching for the stairs.

Paws slipping, scrambling for purchase, for some kind of hold.

A wrenching jolt of pain down her left shoulder when she finally gripped onto a pole, her body's weight being suspended from the rusting object.

Empress hissed as she clawed the rest of the way up, dragging herself over the top of the rail of the stairs.

Another shot fired, a bullet hitting the metal beneath her, followed by two more shots.

Her gaze flicked to the side, looking at the window beside her.

A couple steps back, a short sprint forwards, a jump.

Glass shattered around her, spraying outwards and inwards.

Majesty swearing loudly outside as she dragged herself up, sprinting across the room and jumping through another window.

A bullet followed the shattered glass as she fell two stories into the alley.

Juddering pain striking through her leg as she dragged herself up, getting as close to a run as she could as she headed towards Demon territory.

If she could just make it over the border, she'd be safe.

At least for a little while.

Empress panted and flattened herself against a wall, hoping she'd blend into the shadows as a patrol of Fallen Angels ran past.

She was almost there, she just had to cross the open patch in the middle of the Metro.

She could see the Chosen Demon defences from here, all she had to do was get across.

Get across and be safe for at least a little while.

The adrenaline was wearing off, making her movements more sluggish.

Empress reached a paw up to wipe more blood out of her vision, brushing it to the side, fighting to keep her eyes open.

The white and grey cat stuck her head out to look around, only spotting a couple food vendors who had set up in the open area since things were slowly advancing.

She quickly walked, the fastest she could get after landing awkwardly on her leg after jumping out the window and dragging herself across the Metro.

One paw, raised with as much strength as she could muster to bang against one of the doors on the buildings.

A small hatch opened, an eye narrowed suspiciously. “Who is it?”

“I need you to get Radiance,” Empress heaved, slumping against the wall slightly.

“Who's askin’?”

“Tell her that Emp- that Emily is asking for her,” Empress gritted out.

“Sorry, no can do, boss isn't seeing anyone,” the Demon replied.

Empress let out a throaty growl. “Fine. Does Claw still work here?”

“You want me to get him?”

Empress rolled her eyes. “Just fucking do it, I'm getting tired of your yapping.”

The hatch closed and Empress slid down to sit on the floor, chest rattling as she took in deep breaths.

So many things could go wrong in the time it took to get Claw.

A patrol could show up.

Majesty could show up.

She could be injured, killed, even passing out would be bad.

The door flung open beside her, a grey cat quickly moving to crouch in front of her. “Emily…?”

Empress blinked, trying to clear the tired haze at the edge of her vision.

The cat’s head swivelled, barking orders at whoever was standing in the doorway. “Why didn't you come get me?! If she asked for me, you get me! Don't ever turn her away again!”

“But she's an Angel ma'am-”

“And?! She's also the closest thing I have ever had to a child! Get me a medical pack, now!”

A pair of strong arms swept under her, hefting her up and leaning her weight against whoever it was.

“Don't worry kid, you're safe now. Majesty can't touch you here.”

Empress lurched awake, panicking, flailing around blindly in the dark.

A paw clamped down on her shoulder and she lashed out, hissing, claws connecting with flesh.

If it was Majesty, she'd pay for it later.

If it was any of the Angels, she'd pay for it later.

Empress let out a worried whimper, drawing her paw back as quickly as she'd struck out with it.

“Hey, shhh, it's fine, you're safe now.”

Empress' ears pricked, the right one stinging painfully when she swivelled them towards the voice. “Who is that? Who's there?”

“It's Radiance,” came the reply, a light turning on.

Dim light filtered into the room, coming out of a lamp beside where she was.

Radiance was sat to her left, where she'd lashed out, a small dribble of blood leaking from claw marks across her cheek.

“You're safe now,” Radiance repeated, a frown tugging at the edges of her mouth.

Empress looked down at where there was a threadbare blanket pooled around her lap, bandages across her chest.

“I sewed up your old wounds. You hadn't taken care of them properly,” Radiance explained.

Empress swallowed around the thickness of her voice in her throat. “Majesty wanted them to scar over. Said it'd make me more respectable.”

Radiance sighed, reaching out with one paw. “Oh Emily…”

“That's not my name,” Empress responded, voice cracking. Her tail swept up to curl around her legs as she tucked them towards her chest. “That's not my name.”

Radiance opened her mouth to reply until there was a knock at the door.

The gang boss crossed over to the door, opening it a crack. “Yes?”

“Can I come in?” Someone asked.

“She's healing and resting, I don't think it would be good for her to accept visitors right now,” Radiance hesitantly said. “Especially not if what you told me about when you two last saw each other is true.”

Empress let out a long breath. “It's Claw, isn't it?”

Radiance looked between the doorway and her. “Yeah, it is.”

“I don't want to see him,” Empress responded, moving to get out of the bed.

Her leg twinged with pain again, lancing up towards her hip while her ribs ached painfully.

Empress wobbled as Radiance closed the door and dashed over to try and help her.

“Is there a bathroom?” Empress croaked out.

Radiance nodded, hovering at her side, waiting to catch her if she fell. “Yes, just over here.”

Slowly the two cats crossed the room to a door.

“Let me know if you need any help, alright?”

Empress nodded at Radiance, offering her a small smile. “Thank you. For taking me in.”

Radiance shrugged. “You're family.”

Empress turned and shuffled into the bathroom, hoping the gang boss hadn't seen her eyes well with tears.

One paw fumbled for the light switch, slapping it on.

The lights hummed overhead, illuminating the stalls and wall lined with mirrors.

Empress rested some of her weight on the row of sinks in front of the mirrors, staring at her reflection, wondering when she stopped being able to recognise herself.

Tired eyes stared back at her, dark bags formed underneath them.

There was a chunk missing from her ear where she'd been shot on the way here.

Her fur was matted and patchy, half from poor self-care and half from scarring.

She was wearing some loose black shorts, probably put on by Radiance, the only thing that hid any of the body that felt like it wasn't her's.

One paw slowly reached up to run over hollow cheeks, one claw slowly opening her mouth, surveying teeth who's standard had lowered but at least they were somewhat close to her old self.

She dropped her paw again, leaning her weight on the counter as sobs wracked her body, pain juddering through her with every shaking cry.

Slowly she sank to the floor, tail curling up and around her torso, trying to provide herself what little comfort she could when everything seemed so different.

A knock on the door. “Can I come in?”

“No,” Empress clawed the word out of her throat, trying to will herself to get back up.

Get up, get up, get up.

It wasn't that hard.

She'd had to do harder things.

She'd had to lie to Badge for years.

Break Claw's heart.

Push Scarlett away no matter how much she just wanted to hold her little sister.

Pick up everything after Matilda died and try to keep her family from falling apart.

Join the Fallen Angels in the first place.

One arm slowly gripped the edge of the counter, claws unsheathing and digging into the surface.

Dragged her weight upwards, stared defiantly at the mirror.

A sigh as reality hit fully. “This is who I am now.”

A fist reaching out and smashing the mirror beside her, pain lancing through her paw as the reflective glass fractured.

Cradling the stinging appendage near her chest as she opened the door.

“I'm going to nap,” Empress stated, low, definite, not accepting any challenge from Radiance.

Radiance's face crumpled at the sight of her injured paw, quickly bandaging it before leaving her alone in the room, plunged into the dark again.

Empress sniffed and buried her face in the pillow.

She missed her family.

About a week passed before Empress left the room that Radiance had let her stay in.

The gang leader hadn't asked about the broken mirrors in the bathroom; how only one had been smashed to begin with but as the days passed all of them were ruined.

She got away with a few more days before running into people that she didn't want to talk to.

However, there was only so long that growling and glaring at anyone who tried to sit near her would work for.

“Hey Emily,” Claw said quietly, sitting down across from her.

She blanked him. She wasn't going to respond to that name anymore, wasn't meant to.

Majesty had made sure she wasn't allowed to.

“Please don't ignore me. I haven't seen you in years but-”

Empress lifted her eyes to his face, watching as he shuddered at the icy gaze that levelled with him.

“Don't talk to me.”

“Please, Em, don't shut me out.”

Empress sighed, setting down her fork. “What the fuck do you want, Claw?”

Claw bristled, fur standing on end. “What I want is for my friend to talk to me!”

“And what I want is to be left alone!” Empress hissed, voice rising.

“Yeah well you've had that for five years!” Claw shouted.

By now, other tables’ occupants were turning to look at them.

Empress' tail lashed behind her. “You think I was alone for that time? Well guess what, I wasn't. Not one minute. There were escorts and cameras and punishment if I did want to be alone. The only time I was alone the past five years was for maybe an hour or two before arriving here. That was it, Claw.”

Claw shrank back slightly.

“Don't you dare try and tell me what my life was like. Until you suffer the way I have, you aren't allowed to make comments on my life.”

The lights overhead flickered off, then on, before the power completely died out.

Red lights turned on, flashing bright and then dimming before growing brighter again.

“Raid! Everyone to battle stations!” Someone shouted.

Practically everyone flooded out the room, leaving only Claw and Empress.

Claw's eyes met her's as she looked back at him.

The white and grey cat shoved past him, shoulders bumping as she headed towards the armoury that everyone else had likely headed to.

“Emily! Emily, please, I'm sorry, I didn't know! Emily!”

She spun around, hackles raised, teeth bared. “That is not my name!”

Claw stood stock still, staring silently.

Tears pricked at the corners of Empress' eyes and she turned, ready to walk away from him.

A grip tightened around her wrist and she prepared to lash out again, covering her emotions with a tough exterior.

The coping method she'd apparently used for five years just to try and survive.

“That is your name. To me at least. It always will be.”

Empress swivelled her head to face Claw. “I'm not the same cat you knew five years ago.”

“Maybe not the person I'm talking to right now. But deep down, somewhere behind that rough shell you've made for yourself, there's the Emily that I remember. The Emily I fell in love with.”

Empress yanked back her paw, clutching it to her chest.

He still thought she loved him.

Or at the very least, he still loved her.

“Shit Claw, you really are dumb is you believe that,” Empress said, hoping that the poison of words she'd learnt to wield would be a good deterrent.

Claws face just softened and he smiled at her. “Yeah, I'll get to see you again someday, won't I?”

Empress spun on her heel, walking away quickly before he could say something else.

Unfortunately, he followed her, walking alongside her towards the armoury.

“Persistent fucker,” Empress muttered under her breath, picking up a tommy gun off the rack in the armoury.

Claw snickered, clearly having heard her as he picked up a knife and a pistol. “I didn't know you knew how to handle one of those.”

Empress shrugged. “It's been five years Claw and I'm the right hand cat of Majesty. Of course I had to learn how to use tons of different weapons.”

There was the sound of a brief spatter of gunfire outside, small bullet dents going into the wall beside them.

Empress gritted her teeth. “Let's get a move on.”

Empress surveyed the negotiations between Majesty and Radiance, trying to keep herself from passing out.

She hadn't slept much despite finally being somewhere that could be deemed safe, and her wounds kept reopening.

“So, you gonna give me back my apprentice?”

“Your apprentice? You mean the cat who's barely an adult that you shot at, emotionally and mentally manipulated, and kept away from her family for five years?”

“C'mon, do we have to go into specifics?”

“Hey, at least you aren't murdering our little siblings anymore.”

Empress' blood ran cold.

What did that mean?

And had Radiance said… our?

“Look, Radiance, lemme put this politely. Either you give me Empress or I decimate this pathetic little place, seeing as I've found it now.”

Empress' blood ran cold.

Claw stiffened beside her. “Empress? Who's-” His eyes darted over to her.

Her ears flattened back against her head.

“Oh.”

“Well?”

A bullet fired into still air, the gunshot ringing in the silence.

“You know the smart choice, Radiance.”

Empress stood up. “No, this is wrong.”

“What?”

“I'm not- you guys shouldn't be caught up in my problems with Majesty.”

Empress stormed over to the door, pushing it open, ignoring Claw's protests behind her.

Majesty's gold eyes flicked over to her and dozens of guns spun to be trained on her as she burst out into the argument.

“Ah, there's my girl. Empress, come home,” Majesty said, words honeyed.

Radiance moved quickly over to Empress, blocking her path. “No! You can't! He won't change! You'll just end up beat up all over again!”

Empress handed the tommy gun off to the grey cat in front of her. “Thank you. I know. But this is my battle and I shouldn't drag you into it.”

Radiance’s breath quickened and she dropped the weapons she was holding, grabbing roughly onto Empress' shoulders instead. “You don't understand! What he's done so far - that isn't the end of it! He can do - has done - so much worse. Please, don't do this, I don't want to lose any more of my family.”

Empress flicked her gaze over to Majesty, taking in the tightness of his jaw, the way his finger was itching towards the trigger of the gun he was holding.

“I have to leave,” Empress whispered, slipping out of Radiance's grip and making her way over to Majesty. “I have terms.”

“Oh? Little Empress is making demands now?” Majesty scoffed.

Empress bit down on her tongue for a few seconds before replying. “One term. You can do whatever you want with me so long as you don't hurt my friends.”

“No! Emily!”

“No! Em! Don't do this, don't make a deal with that monster! He isn't good to his word!”

Empress looked back over her shoulder as a couple of Angels restrained Claw and Radiance, both fighting tooth and nail to try and reach her.

She looked back at Majesty.

“You're really that dumb, huh?” Majesty sighed. “Fine, I won't hurt those shitheads. But you're coming back to base right now.”

“Can I say goodbye first?”

“Fucking hell, one week away and you've become such a sap. Fine, hurry it up,” Majesty replied, motioning for the Angels to move away.

They dropped Claw and Radiance, with the leader rushing forwards and embracing her.

One paw cupped the back of her head, the other snaking around her waist. “No, no, you can't go with him, I'm not losing you again.”

Claw hesitantly stood off to one side, eyes glistening with tears. “You can't leave.”

Radiance's hold on her tightened. “I'll fight him. You don't have to go back.”

Something close to hope started to bloom in her chest.

Maybe she could stay.

But no, Majesty would never allow it.

“I'll come back someday,” Empress said, barely audible, just enough for Radiance to pick up on.

“Empress, get a move on!” Majesty snarled and she moved back to fall in step with her own gang’s leader.

She'd come back someday.

Empress spent most of her recovery months in the nursery, raising Majesty's offspring in Shadow’s absence.

The three kittens were mostly healthy, although Empress didn't agree with the kittens’ given names.

Countess, a ginger female with a brown splodge over one eye, had been nicknamed Cookie and had a tendency to boss her siblings around.

Commander, nicknamed Cody, was an inquisitive little black kitten, with enough energy to stay awake far longer than their brother or sister.

Phantom was their brother - a pure white kitten who stared with piercing blue eyes and almost never responded when spoken to.

Empress realised quickly that the snow coloured kitten was deaf, and so established enough of a connection through signalling that maybe Majesty wouldn't realise.

It didn't matter that Phantom was Majesty's son when he had two other heirs who were perfectly healthy.

“Empress, when are we going to begin our training?” Cody asked, beaming up at Empress.

“Um, I'm not sure. That's not really for me to decide.”

Cookie wrinkled her nose. “But you're in charge, aren't you?”

Empress shifted slightly when Phantom trotted over and curled up against her side, chin plonking down on her leg. “No, I'm not in charge. Your father is the one who's in charge.”

“But you're his best friend, right?” Cookie chirped, pupils dilating as she began to bat at her sibling's tail.

Cody hissed and whacked the top of Cookie's head before commenting. “No, they're not best friends. Empress is terrified of father.”

“That's why she freezes up when he visits us,” Phantom croaked, a rare occurrence of input from him.

“I'm not- I'm not afraid of your father,” Empress spluttered.

Although there was a nagging in the back of her mind.

About how her wounds were healed over now and if the kittens were old enough to begin training then she wouldn't have an excuse anymore.

She would be subjected to Majesty's wrath again.

Unless she could do something about this dismal situation she had landed herself in.

“Alright, I think it's time for bed, don't you?” Empress stated with a stilted laugh.

Cody cocked their head to the side and narrowed their green eyes. “It's nowhere near-”

“Growing kits need their rest!” Empress protested, carefully shifting Phantom off her leg before standing. “Come on now, your father won't be pleased if you're all too tired for training!”

The trio of young ones shot her sceptical looks but settled down anyway.

Empress' ears stung as the speakers in the hallway whined with feedback.

“Empress. My office. Now.”

Empress tried to mask the fear on her face. “I'll be back tomorrow morning, okay?”

“What's morning?” Cookie asked.

“Goodnight.”

Empress swore repetitively under her breath on the way to Majesty's office.

This was it, he knew she was feeling better, he was going to make her pay for leaving before, he was going to-

“Empress, just who I asked for!” Majesty purred as she walked into his office.

A trap, a trap, it had to be, it must be, he was never nice, he was never-

“We have a special guest today who I think you might remember! They've finally decided to come back and do their job properly!”

Empress gaze flicked to the figure in the chair in front of Majesty's desk.

Her heart stuttered.

No.

No, no, no, no, no!

Why?!

“Hey Em, long time no explanation as to abandoning your family,” Badge said through gritted teeth.

That explained it.

She wasn't going to be hurt.

Badge was.

She'd endure any punishment, just don't hurt Badge.

Empress turned her frantic gaze to Majesty, chest heaving in lungfuls of air while her mind raced a mile a minute.

Majesty smirked, clearly knowing exactly what she was thinking. “Well, I believe you two have some catching up to do. Empress, after you've escorted Badge to their quarters, please return here so we can discuss business.”

Empress dipped her gaze away from him, darting it around the room before eventually fixing it on the floor. “Yes sir.”

“Good. You're dismissed.”

Empress reached forward, tugging Badge out the seat and out the room, tugged them down hallways and winding paths, down steps, through doors that the other members didn't know existed, only stopping once there was a roar of water to cover their voices.

“Fuck Em, why'd you have to drag me to the sewers so we could-”

“What were you thinking; coming back here?!” Empress shouted, hysteria catching up to her. “You should never have come back! He'll hurt you, I can't let you get hurt!”

Badge took a tentative step forwards, one paw snapping at an old angle before returning to its rightful place. “Em…”

“Don't you understand?! He can kill you! But no, that'd be too easy, he'd lose that extra bit of leverage over me. No, he'd make it slow, painful, it'd be closer to torture than death-”

She paused as Badge's paws reached her shoulders, brushing the jacket she was wearing back and off her body.

Empress' fur pricked in the cold, standing on end.

Her ears flattened back against her head as Badge circled her.

“How many of these scars did he give you?” Badge whispered.

“It doesn't matter.”

“How many?” They repeated, tone low and deadly.

Empress winced, paws coming up to try and rub some warmth into her arms. “They're mostly my fault anyway, if I'd just done my job better then it wouldn't have happened.”

Badge let out a loud sigh, one paw grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at them. “I'm going to go back to Radiance. You're gonna make sure that meeting with Majesty is short then your ass is joining us in the Demon base.”

“I can't, I'm not allowed to leave the building,” Empress responded, trying to ignore the slight break in her voice.

“Take these sewer tunnels. They thread under the whole metro, it's how I got here. If there's anyone else you want to get out of that hellhole, do it then.”

Empress took in a shaky breath. “Badge, I can't. He'll kill me if I slip up anymore.”

Badge gently rested their forehead against her's, pulling her closer. “I'm not losing my sister again. You aren't getting rid of me again, Em.”

Empress tried to mask her limp as she got back to the crèche from Majesty’s office, dragging open the door.

Three pairs of eyes turned to her, tapetum lucidum glowing in the faint light filtering in from the hallway.

“Empress?” Cookie yawned.

“What's going on?” Cody inquired, already up and walking towards her.

“I need you to come with me. Quietly though,” Empress whisper-shouted, signing so that Phantom would understand as well.

The three kittens teetered nervously after her, only just having mastered standing upright.

“Hurry, hurry,” Empress urged, nervously glancing down the hallway.

“Where's your jacket? Why do you have a gun?” Cookie inquired.

Empress moved as fast as she could, warily checking around corners before actually turning them.

It didn't matter how unlikely it was that anyone was awake, there was always a night patrol out somewhere but they ran on different schedules every day.

“Good questions. To be answered later.”

Empress eventually got back to the sewers where she'd taken Badge, ushering the kittens along the path that ran alongside surging water.

Empress scowled when the track ran out, connected to an opposite path by only a thin pole.

“One at a time, go, cross,” she instructed.

Phantom went first, bounding across and sending the thing shaking a bit.

Cody went next, pausing in the middle as water lapped up at their paws.

“Empress, I'm scared,” the black cat whimpered, ears flattening back against their head.

“Hey, it's fine, you're over halfway there, it's just a little further, you can do it,” Empress encouraged, watching as the kitten took another couple of tentative steps forwards.

A large wave surged up as Cody slipped, washing the kitten away.

“Cody!”

Empress dropped her gun and scooped up Cookie, dashing across the pole and placing her with her brother before scanning the waters.

Murky green liquid sloshed but no fur.

Empress let out a curse and dived into the rapids, eyes stinging as she opened them under the surface to try and spot Cody.

Nothing.

Swum back up to the surface for another breath.

A ragged black lump bobbed just out of reach ahead of her.

Empress kicked herself forwards, scooping Cody's limp form closer.

Exhaustion fought against her muscles as she dragged herself back to the path at the side, depositing Cody's unmoving form on the stone before heaving her own body out of the harsh flow of liquid.

Empress coughed up a lungful of water, bent over and heaving when Phantom and Cookie raced up to her.

“What’s wrong with Cody?!” Cookie demanded.

Empress forced herself upright, gently picking up Cody.

The kitten’s head lolled in her hand and she quickly began stroking from their stomach up towards their throat, repeating the motion over and over.

Cody eventually stuttered a breath before heaving up fluids, splattering onto Empress' lap.

Cookie let out a relieved wail, Phantom licking his sister's cheek to try and provide some comfort.

Empress forced herself upright, trying to ignore the fatigue clinging to her bones as she carefully shifted how she was carrying Cody. “Come on. We're almost there.”

Radiance had immediately taken the three of them to the room that Empress had stayed in last time she arrived there.

“Who's are they?” Radiance questioned once Cookie, Cody and Phantom had passed out from exhaustion.

“Majesty's,” Empress breathed. “And some cat I'm pretty sure he killed after these guys were born.”

Empress memory flitted back to the sewers. “One of them nearly died on the way here, Radiance. I could've gotten them killed. They could be dead because I couldn't save them, I could've killed them-”

“No, you did not kill a kitten, stop that right now. Don't you dare talk like that, you have saved these little ones,” Radiance argued.

“And I nearly got one of them killed in the process. I can't do this Radiance, they look up to me like a mother because they never had one and their father is a shit head. I'm the only family they got. Family is meant to protect one another and I couldn't even manage something that simple.”

Empress looked over at where the three of them were curled up, Cody sandwiched between their warmer siblings.

“Radiance, they might as well be my own with how much I care for them. If anything happened to them I'd never forgive myself.”

Radiance slipped a paw round the back of her neck, gently pulling her head closer for their foreheads to bump together.

“And you might as well be my kit,” the leader murmured. “But right now we need to prepare. If you and the three of them are missing, it gives Majesty the perfect excuse to start a proper war. So we need to get them somewhere safe.”

Empress swallowed around the lump that had formed in her throat. “Can I make a call? There's somewhere safe I might be able to get them to.”

Radiance slipped her phone out her jacket, handing it off before trotting over to the sleeping siblings.

Empress shakily tapped in the number, praying that her old friend would pick up.

“Who is this?”

“Scarlett, it's Emp- it's Emily,” she sighed.

“You hung up on me before! I hope you're going to apologise!” Scarlett accused.

Empress winced. “Actually my ex-boss decided to shoot through the telephone line. But anyway, I have a big favour to ask.”

“Em, I love but I- I'm so busy right now,” Scarlett responded.

“Please. I- I have some kids that aren't safe where I am,” Empress pleaded. “Just for a week or two I need you to take care of them.”

The silence that followed was deafening.

“You have kids…?”

Ah, yes, she could see why her words could be misinterpreted.

But fuck it, they were practically her family weren't they?

“Not by blood but yes. Please Scarlett, I- I can't have them getting hurt.”

Scarlett hesitated before replying. “Okay. But when you come and pick them up you bet your ass that you owe me.”

“I'll help plan your wedding,” Empress offered, chest warming at the easy banter they'd slipped back into.

“Deal. I'll call you back this evening to sort out the details, I'm out with Trisha at the moment. I love you, Em,” Scarlett replied.

Empress blinked away the tears in her eyes. “Love you too. Stay safe.”

Empress hung up before walking over to the bed where the kittens were still resting, Radiance just staring at them.

“I never thought I'd be an aunt,” Radiance said quietly, almost to herself. “Majesty killed almost all our other siblings and I haven't heard from my littlest brother in years.”

Empress silently sat down at the edge of the bed.

“I love them even though I haven't properly met them yet. But at the same time, I want to cry. They don't deserve this, to have been born here and to grow up like this.”

“None of them are standard, you know,” Empress interrupted.

Radiance shot her a questioning look.

“Cody is an insomniac, it's incredible they've been asleep since we got here. Cookie has anxiety even if she doesn't like to show it. Phantom is deaf. None of them would have pleased Majesty as his heir.”

Radiance let out a broken sob. “Why? Why does my brother continue to gain things he has no right to? No respect for?”

Empress gently patted her on the back and slowly she realised that she was crying as well.

Maybe it was stress, maybe it was exhaustion, perhaps pain, probably all three.

Her foggy mind extracted one thought before she drifted off into a state between sleeping and awake; she had to get them to safety.

“You're all going to go stay with my friend for a little while,” Empress told them, signing along with her words so Phantom would understand. “It's only a week or so and then I'll come back and get you.”

“Why do we have to go?” Cody croaked, still breathing shakily after what had happened the day before.

“Because it'll be safer for you,” Empress answered, trying to smile reassuringly.

“You- you will come back for us, right?” Cookie asked, voice wavering.

“Of course I will. I’d never willingly leave any of you,” Empress replied. “Now I just need to go talk to another friend who's going to take you to the surface.”

Three sets of eyes blinked before chiming in chorus. “The surface?”

“Yeah.” She turned her head to where Radiance was flipping through papers and jotting things down. “Would you mind telling them about the surface while I go find Claw?”

Radiance immediately set down her things. “No problem. His room is in the north corridor, the twelfth door on the left.”

“Thanks.”

Empress looked down as something brushed against her leg.

Phantom stayed up at her. “I don't want you to go.”

Empress crouched, signing to him. I'll be back before you know it. And I need you to look after your siblings while I'm gone. Can you do that for me?

Phantom hesitated before nodding.

Thank you.

Empress ruffled the fur on top of his head before standing and heading through the Fallen Demon complex.

She paused outside Claw's room, thinking of what to say before knocking.

It took a minute before the door opened. “Mrrm…? Oh, Emily, hey.”

“Empress,” she growled. “Anyway, I need you to take my kids to stay with Scarlett. Also, have you seen Badge? I can't find them anywhere.”

Claw opened the door further and Empress' jaw dropped.

Badge was levitating in the middle of the room, eyes glowing while blue orbs circled them.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, they asked me to stay up and keep an eye on them but I fell asleep,” Claw said.

Empress whacked him round the back of his head, hissing at him. “You idiot!”

Cautiously she tiptoed closer, reaching out to try and poke at one of the blue orbs.

It drifted away, closer to Badge before fading away to nothing.

The other orbs did the same.

Badge's eyes stopped glowing and they slowly lowered to the floor, blinking a few times.

“Badge…?”

Badge's eyes refocused and they looked between Empress and Claw.

“You dumbass, you fell asleep didn't you?! I told you I needed someone to watch me so I didn't go too far!” Badge shouted before sighing and looking at Empress. “Hey.”

“What was that?” Empress inquired.

Badge shook their head. “Just trying to chat with someone, no big deal. Anyway, Claw, please do take Em's kids to go stay with Scarlett. We need this, they'll be in danger otherwise.”

“How did you know about that?” Empress whispered.

“Let's just say that I'm intuitive,” Badge replied with a shrug. “So, that plan you've come up with. That you haven't yet told Radiance about it.”

Empress' brow knitted, worried about how much Badge seemed to know.

“Badge, I want you to go with Claw and the kids,” she said warily.

“Yeah, I know, we'll pick them up in an hour.”

Empress left the room, trotting down the empty corridors and halls back to her room.

Radiance was asleep, tail curled around Phantom, Cody and Cookie's bodies.

Cody let out a chirp as they spotted Empress, stirring the other three awake.

“Radiance can I- can I have a word?”

The gang leader immediately got up, walking hastily over to her and settling a paw on Empress' elbow. “What's wrong?”

“I- I know how to fix everything going on down here. But it means starting a war.”

Radiance scoffed. “Kiddo, you did that the second you decided to bring Majesty's offspring here. But what's the plan?”

“I need to be injured. Badly. Go back to him, claim a Demon patrol did it then we wait a short amount of time until he launches an attack,” Empress explained.

“No,” Radiance growled, grip tightening on her elbow. “No, I'm not going to hurt you. You've already suffered through too many injuries, I'm not making you go through more.”

Empress sighed, a twinge of guilt striking through her. “Okay.”

Radiance loosened her grip and Empress made her move.

Darted away and across the room, locking herself into the bathroom.

Fists banging against the door.

“No! Empress! Come out right now!”

Empress' chest heaved and pain blossomed under her feet, a shard of glass from where she had ruined the mirrors here before.

This was it.

The tipping point, the fork in the path, the decision that would change everything.

Cody, Phantom and Cookie's voices joined Radiance's pleas.

“Come out!”

“Please!”

“Ma!”

Her breath stuttered.

Ma.

That's right, she was the only mother they ever had.

Would they ever look at her the same way if they found out what she had done?

What she was planning to do?

Empress clenched her jaw and stalked over to the least destroyed mirror.

She raised a claw over her eye, looking at her jagged reflection.

Breaking her figure into so many pieces, fracturing her.

That's what had been happening all these years.

Empress paused with one claw hovering over her left eye, looking at her reflection.

She would never be able to go back after this.

This wound would start a turf war in the metro.

Did she really want to do this?

“Come out!” Radiance yelled from outside the room.

Empress flicked her gaze to the door before returning to her reflection.

Claw.

Badge.

Cookie, Cody, Phantom.

Radiance.

Hell, even Scarlett.

All of them would be so much safer if she did this.

She would get them out of here before the fighting started and then assume power in the chaos.

She plunged her claw down over her eye.

Empress hissed, clamping a paw over her eye.

God why did she choose to do this in the bathroom, the blood was so brightly contrasting against the white tiles.

The cat shuddered and swallowed down nausea, carefully moving her paw away from her eye.

Her remaining right eye seemed fine but the other had a gash across it, blood pouring from the open wounds around it.

Shit.

At least it had worked.

She moved her paw away from her face, right eye darting over her features.

A jagged cut went from her brow down to near her jaw, stark red, while blood spread to stain her fur.

Empress shoved her paw back to cover the offending eye, wary of the new dark spot in her vision.

There was still the right side but then the rest of it just faded to darkness, murky and unwelcoming. Unrelenting. Harsh.

Empress slowly walked back over to the door, one arm stretched in front of her to try and gauge her new depth perception.

“Radiance?” She called out, silencing the four cats on the other side of the door.

“Yes?”

“I need you to get my kits out of the room and leave the medkit out on the table.”

There was the sound of a loud string of colourful curses and clattering, the door opening, weak protests before the door closed again.

“Done.”

Empress felt around with her right paw for the door lock, unwilling to turn her head to see something that she should be able to.

Muscle memory should be good enough, right?

Empress tried to brush last Radiance on the way out but was stopped by an iron grip on her shoulders, forcing her to face the gang boss.

“So, how do I look?” Empress tried.

Radiance let out a strangled sob, shaking as she held onto her.

Empress slowly prised herself from Radiance's grip, making her way over to the table and briefly removing her paw from her eye to snatch up the bandages, making quick work of wrapping up that side of her face.

The tremors in her paws didn't matter.

The blind spot didn't matter.

As long as she could keep those she loved safe, that was all that mattered.

“Be good for Scarlett okay? She's my sister,” Empress said.

The three kittens didn't seem to listen, just staring in silent horror at the side of her head.

“Your face,” Phantom whispered.

“It's nothing, don't worry,” Empress replied breezily, masking her true feelings.

Masking the pain, the sense of helplessness, the new weakness she had that could be exploited.

“Just- just stay safe for me, alright?”

Three heads slowly nodded.

“I love you all. And I'll see you again soon.”

But only with one eye; a small voice in the back of her seemed to chime.

Never again the same way you have before.

Empress tried to shake it off.

She was fine.

Everything was- was fine.

It would all be fine.

#ahit #a hat in time #ahit au #ahit empress #ahit badge seller #ahit oc #oc majesty #oc radiance #oc claw #oc cody #oc phantom #ahit cooking cat #< altho she's referred to as Cookie in this #oc shadow #oc scarlett

[h-f-k]

I’m already preparing a folder with memes if Halsey announces a tour and includes Argentina and a folder with my lawyer’s phone number in case she doesn’t

[bloodgulchblog]

The Thursday War

I need to tell you guys what happens in The Thursday War instead of just bitching endlessly about what happens in The Thursday War. An actual effort. I suffer for this blog.

Like Glasslands it’s probably going to just be easier if I lay out the plot threads.

At the end of Glasslands we had a couple things going on:

Kilo Five was investigating the spread of blackmarket weapons on the hive of scum and villiany known as Venezia. (Also, Mal and Vaz had just found out that Naomi-010’s father is an anti-Earth terrorist. In this one, they tell her about it and she incubates emotions about that for the whole book because that’s the plotline for the next book.)

Jul ‘Mdama, Sangheili POW, was being held at the research facility ONI was establishing in the Forerunner shield world at Onyx-AKA-Trevelyan.

Professor Phillips had been invited to visit Sanghelios with the Arbiter’s blessing so he could study language/Forerunner ruins. But then ‘Telcam, the guy Kilo Five had been running weapons for, found him and also a bomb went off and cut Phillips off from contact with Kilo Five’s ship (Port Stanley)thus necessitating going to get him back.

All of that stands. But now we also have Admiral Parangosky and Admiral Hood inspecting the UNSC Infinity, which has been constructed in secret over the last several years. The title of the novel comes from Royal Navy (you know, of course, because Traviss is English) slang for training exercises that are traditionally held on a thursday, and the “Thursday War” in this case is the first time the Infinity goes out and does anything. (The anything in this case is getting involved in the civil war breaking out on Sanghelios.) Halsey is barely in this book but she’s confined to engineering working on the Infinity, she cries herself to sleep sometimes. Huragok are busily outfitting the Infinity with magical slipspace jumping/communications technology to make the Halo universe a little more boring for me personally.

We also have Jul ‘Mdama’s wife Raia kicking her way into the rebellion against the Arbiter because her husband is missing, nobody knows what happened to him, and she’s justifiably very angry.

So. Let’s get on with it.

The explosion that fucks up Phillips’s sight-seeing (and secret intelligence gathering) was set off by some Jiralhanae and incites chaos, which convinces ‘Telcam that he’s going to have to get this revolution started early. He believes Phillips is on his side and that it will be safer for Phillips if they squirrel him away in a temple rather than have him return to the (about to be overthrown, obviously) Arbiter. Phillips uses the opportunity to explore the temple and have BB record as much as he can of the Forerunner symbols.

Unfortunately for the BB fragment Phillips has, the explosion damaged the radio and this triggered the fragment’s failsafe against tampering. He auto-deleted everything classified and greatly reduced his functions, so he doesn’t remember who Phillips is or what they’re doing here but trusts him and tries to help him. (It’s extremely unpleasant for BB to re-integrate his busted up fragment later.) They find a particularly spooky Forerunner panel that they figure out shows the status of the seven Halos, and even more terrifying is Phillips thinks you can arm them from here.

Most importantly, though, Phillips manages to unlock a Forerunner portal that zaps him somewhere else on Sanghelios: a little agricultural province some ways away.

MEANWHILE, Kilo Five. Parangosky leans on Hood to lean on the Arbiter to let them come look for their man. Osman gets into it on the space phone with ‘Telcam about where Phillips is. They wade into the nonsense after the Brute attack and find that Phillips isn’t at the temple. Poking around the temple, of course, pisses off enough Sangheili that it’s a real problem and they have to leave empty handed.

Phillips got dumped into a farm field and some Grunts take him home to the keep they work for, where the lady of the house, Elar, lets Phillips in. While he’s there, a neighboring keep decides to use the excuse of the civil war to try to seize this keep/its territory because the men all went off to fight. The women give Phillips a plasma pistol and he helps them fend off some dudes, meanwhile Elar gets ahold of ‘Telcam to have someone come pick Phillips up. Kilo Five figured out where he is and is also coming to pick him up, though, so when they arrive they wade into the ugly fracas with the other keep, manage to convince Elar to let Phillips leave, and then they run smack into ‘Telcam’s own retrieval party: Jul’s friend Forze and Raia (who is running around with Forze at this point because if she can’t find her man, well, she’s in the rebellion now she guesses.)

It’s awkward, but they manage to get Forze and Raia to understand that they’re the allies ‘Telcam would’ve handed Phillips back to anyway.

Also, after they leave Elar’s embattled keep, Vaz is a dick to Phillips for caring about what happens to Elar and the women and children. (They die, btw.)

At this point, the rebellion on Sanghelios is in full swing and the Arbiter’s people are slugging it out with ‘Telcam’s. Hood (it’s actually Hood and Parangosky but you know who the public face of this thing is) rolls up to Sanghelios in the bouncing baby UNSC Infinity to assist, and by assist we mean also show off to all the Sangheili that humanity now has their hands on the biggest damn set of guns in space.

While the Infinity shoots down several of ‘Telcam’s ships, Parangosky is sending secret messages to Osman on the Port Stanley so that she and BB (who is in like six places at once at this point because lol smart AI) can run interference, shoot down some of the Arbiter’s ships on the sly, and ensure that Sangheili naval power is crippled overall and the sides remain evenly matched. (Because, you know, a prowler can easily shoot down a Sangheili warship, it’s not like we just had a whole war where it was a big deal that human ships were massively outclassed by Covenant ones. Sure.) BB fucks around with sensors to make Port Stanley look like a Kig-Yar ship and, when they try to warn one of ‘Telcam’s ships to prevent it being destroyed (they fail btw, this is how Raia and Forze die) BB makes his voice sound like a Kig-Yar shipmistress.

Also, Kilo-Five’s ground team manages to exfiltrate ‘Telcam before the Infinity blows his shit up. ‘Telcam’s not particularly happy about it and is salty that Phillips figured out so much more about the Forerunner ruins than he ever did, but they set him loose to go continue his fight and agree to keep giving him guns. (These events may have been in a different order based on wiki, but also I don’t think that’s terribly important.)

The situation on Sanghelios semi-stabilizes and the UNSC has made their point about their fancy new ship, job well done, pack it in everybody. Kilo Five visits Onyx/Trevelyan and Phillips talks to Jul ‘Mdama about the Forerunner ruins and how he was reading inscriptions of… some kind of prohibition about not doing something re: a great and strict teacher? The Didact??? He also promises Jul that he’ll try to find out how Raia is doing. (He does later, and has some emotions about her being dead, but by that point he can’t tell Jul.)

After that, Kilo Five has nothing for it to get back to the Venezia job. We get a bit with Vaz and Naomi pretending to be deserters and linking up with ONI’s operative (Spencer) on Venezia while Naomi has Emotions about how her dad is here. (But also: there’s a spooky Kig-Yar around who they know stole a Sangheili warship…..)

Anyway. Jul. Jul’s plotline doesn’t really intersect with anything else. While all the rest of this has been going on, Jul has been in top secret ONI POW town being questioned. Magnusson, the scientist in charge of Trevelyan, finds out about Sangheili staple crops and livestock from him and (under the guise of offering him better food) tests genetically modified grain on him that makes him incredibly sick. This is all according to plan, because ONI intends to seed Sanghelios with the GM grain that will wipe out the native strain within a couple years if they do, allowing them to starve the entire goddamn planet. Which is, of course, incredibly horrifying. (But you know, Catherine Halsey is still probably a worse person than that if you ask the author.)

Because Magnusson wants Jul in okay shape (you know, for further information gathering and testing reasons) Jul is permitted to exercise by walking around inside the shield world while wearing an explosive harness and chaperoned by a Huragok. (It’s Prone to Drift. Hi Prone to Drift!) Knowing he is under constant surveillance, Jul (who is more and more an atheist these days) plays up a religious angle while asking Prone to show him a “temple” (which is how devout Sangheili think of any place with Forerunner language.) Prone leads Jul to a building with a lot of maintenance portals the Huragok can use to get around, and Jul figures out that his captors can’t listen in on him here and this can play to his advantage if he’s very careful about how long he falls off the radar for. (Humans also get lost for a half hour at a time due to maintenance portals all the time, it’s fine.)

As Jul investigates the control facility bit by bit and manages to drag information about it out of Prone, he learns it’s a bank of portals that should lead to other Forerunner shield worlds. They mostly don’t work anymore. He also learns about the Didact (enough to get extra irked when Phillips also knows about him) and how the Huragok are like we don’t know where Requiem is but please god nobody go there, nobody wake him up, it’s super not allowed.

He likes the sound of this Didact, though. A man who knew only war, and hated the humans? His kind of dude.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Anyway, after talking to Phillips, Jul decides he’s going to have to make his escape immediately. Do or die. Time to risk it all. He goes out to the control center again with a handful of rocks and shells and uses the threat of setting off his bomb vest (by trying to remove it) to stop Prone from interfering, because if Jul blows it up it will damage the Forerunner structure (which Huragok can’t abide.) Jul throws rocks through portals until one of the portals appears to work and coerces Prone to get his harness off him without detonating it as he slips through the portal.

(Parangosky is highly unamused to discover this happened 15 hours later. She shows up to have Magnusson imprisoned in the Midnight Facility for incompetence. I really have no patience for Traviss showing off how ruthless and cool she thinks Parangosky is by this point, tbh. All that really matters is nobody knows where he went and the portal’s not working again so they can’t go after him.)

Jul appears at a Forerunner structure on a Sangheili colony, shocking and amazing the locals that someone just stepped out of the holy gateway that has never done anything before. He finds out that this podunk end of Sangheili space hasn’t even heard that the war is over, so he gives them his specific spin on the situation re: the Arbiter and humanity and especially how the latter just imprisoned him. (He’s valid, tbh.) They’re much more religious than he is so he has to flub a little, but he just stepped out of a holy gate so Jul is their new golden boy anyway.

He manages to get ahold of his home keep on the space phone and finds out from his uncle that Raia and Forze are dead, which devastates him. While having a moment about that he goes out to the portal site to be alone, and ends up talking to a kid about the Forerunner writing. While on Trevelyan, he was scratching the Forerunner symbols he found into his belt so he could keep track of them.

The child shows him some that match.

Some that talk about the Didact.

Jul gets super excited because he is pretty sure the inscription includes the location of Requiem, he could go there. Maybe he could release the Didact and get his revenge on humanity. He rallies the Sangheili he has befriended and they agree that they’re going to help him find Requiem.

SO ZITA, WHAT DO WE THINK OF ALL THIS?

I don’t have grand new revelations about this one, we can get this done in one post: Traviss continues to tell a story that is mostly pretty entertaining (despite lore details I’d fight about) while the primary flaw is her really troubling framing of events that betrays horrible things she thinks are okay about war.

We’re supposed to be gutwrenched over what was done to Naomi’s family and how obviously Naomi’s father became a space terrorist over the loss of his 6 year old daughter. We get lengthy passages of Vaz putting himself in the man’s shoes and being terribly consumed with how important it is to get truth/justice for him, a man who he has never even met. But also, we are supposed to ride along with Parangosky and Vaz (because these are once again the two viewpoints where this all pours out the most) while Parangosky makes contingency plans to starve an entire fucking world full of people, Vaz thinks about how killing civilian women and children (who are in peril right in front of him!) is fine and the Sangheili aren’t people to him and it’s fine because of his trauma, and it’s all just really, really awful to feel like you’re reading a book that wants you to sympathize with this and think it’s justified.

In the realm of half-formed thoughts about writing: The Thursday War doesn’t reach the extremes of sheer intolerability as anything that has to do with Halsey in Glasslands. But also, I think Kilo Five’s characters are a lot weaker in this one. Mal and Vaz have started to blur together, with perspective focusing on Vaz more. Osman’s off the front lines so we get scenes of her on Port Stanley having emotions about becoming the head of ONI in the future, but her remoteness means we don’t get as much of her. Naomi’s just kinda there waiting for her plot to come up next book. We learn more about Phillips but the book wants really badly to gloss over Phillips’s ethical objections in order to keep getting on with the cool war crimes.

The best plotline is Jul’s because Jul is extremely justified in everything he’s doing, because everything ONI has done has been so legitimately disgusting he cannot be blamed. Jul is the only valid bitch in this house, and the fact Jul is apparently only mentioned and never seen in the third book tells me a lot about how much I’m probably going to be annoyed to death by that one.

BDG, why did you have to tell people this is the best part of Halo?????

(If you have found this far after the fact, feel free to peruse my thursday war tag for more play by play complaining about specific things.)

#halo: the thursday war #kilo five trilogy #summaries of things

[battlecriesandroses]

I posted 2,215 times in 2022

That's 2,215 more posts than 2021!

177 posts created (8%)

2,038 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@date-mate-re-animate

@haboat

@gilmorenatural

@deanwinchestersfloralwallpaper

@weaver-z

I tagged 1,533 of my posts in 2022

Only 31% of my posts had no tags

#lgbtq - 200 posts

#jae's originals ig - 166 posts

#art - 137 posts

#wwdits - 71 posts

#long post - 41 posts

#mp100 - 38 posts

#prev tags - 37 posts

#ref - 22 posts

#reanimator - 22 posts

#good omens - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#in case some of you don't like hugs i am also making you a cup of your favorite tea and giving you a platinum dvd of your favorite movie

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Redesign Your Logo but Neil never stops listing the demographics so at some point he will just describe every single person on the planet

305 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

#4

my chem teacher: so this re-agent-

me, thinking: sick reference to the cult classic horror movie Re-Animator released in 1985 starring Jeffery Combs as Dr. Herbert West, Bruce Abbott as Dr. Daniel Cain, Barbara Crampton as Megan Halsey, and David Gale as Dr. Carl Hill dude

385 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

#3

i love how in season one reigen waltzed into the world's most heavily guarded attack base ever fueled only by paternal drive and neurodivergent swagger just to pick up his weird kids. he was in the car like 'ugh here we go 🙄 so glad i put that tracking app on his phone' and proceeded to swindle hundreds of people not even for nefarious purposes he simply wanted his son back

804 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

#2

good luck everyone!!

1,308 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

the wedding

2,004 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #i joined this year #honestly best decision in the world i love you all /gen #jaye's originals ig

[wecandoit]

hi I came across your account a few days ago and I’m in love with it <3 here are some random questions hehe

personal questions (only if you’re comfortable sharing!)

what is your age ?

what is your gender?

do you have any pets?

where do you live?

what is your major?

do you enjoy going to your school? why?

what are some of your hobbies?

how does one become your mutual?

routines / tips

what is your study routine?

what is your night routine?

what is your morning routine?

how do you spend your free time?

do you have any study tips?

speaking of which do you have any study apps to recommend ?

books / movies / songs

do you like musicals? if yes what are you favourite musical?

top song right now?

top artist right now?

one direction yay or nay?

a song that you listen to while studying

a song that keeps you grounded

a song that you know all the words to

a comfort song / album

what is your comfort movie?

what is your comfort tv series?

what is your comfort kdrama?

what is your most anticipated movie / tv show / kdrama of this year?

do you have any show recommendations?

book time! what is your favourite genre?

what is your favourite book?

favourite series?

favourite author?

who is / are your comfort characters?

harry potter vs percy jackson?

any ya / fictional book recommendations?

name your fandoms!

random

do you like bubble tea? if yes what is your favourite brand and go to order?

matches or lighters?

do you enjoy the sound of rain?

how late do you sleep?

favourite animal?

what was the last message you sent ( on tumblr / any other apps)

what was your last phone call about?

do you sleep with the windows open?

reading when its raining under your blanket yay or nay?

—-

yay I think thats all sorry for the loooonnngggg list <3

thank you so much, i'm glad you like my blog :))))

personal questions

1. I'm 18 2. I'm cis female 3. i don't have any pets but we might get a dog soon 4. i live in Australia 5. i'm majoring in Psychology 6. i hated going to high school. university is a lot more bearable for me, because there's a lot for freedom 7. some hobbies include reading, dancing, scrapbooking, running, plant care 8. interact with me through posts, inbox, DMs <3 i consider all my followers friends

routines / tips

1. not a big musical person but i really loved Hamilton 2. top song right now is probably MY BAG by (G)I-DLE 3. top artist right now is definitely j-hope 4. one direction yay 5. i've actually been listening to a podcast called You're Wrong About while studying 6. honestly nothing's keeping me grounded right now. i'm struggling 7. a song that i know all the words to, among many, is Want You Back by 5SOS 8. some comfort albums: BE by BTS, Manic by Halsey, Cry Baby by Melanie Martinez 9. comfort movie: any Ghibli movie 10. comfort tv series: Anne with an E and Brooklyn Nine-Nine 11. comfort kdrama: maybe Reply 1988? i don't rewatch dramas much 12. most anticipated movie this year: Everything, Everywhere, All At Once 13. i have so many show recommendations: Anne with an E (for my cottagecore lovers), Derry Girls, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (in case you've been living under a rock), The End of the F***ing World, I am Not Okay With This, Kim's Convenience, Money Heist 14.i mostly enjoy literary fiction books, though i don't mind a crime novel 15. my favourite books are probably All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven, Still Life with Tornado by A.S King and The Messenger by Markus Zusak 16. i haven't read many book series but I did enjoy the Chaos Walking series 17. i don't have a favourite author 18. comfort characters in books include Sarah from Still Life with Tornado, Finch from All the Bright Places, Ed from The Messenger, Guillermo Garcia from I'll Give You the Sun haven't read harry potter or percy jackson (i have commitment issues okay) 19. i'd recommend all the books i've already mentioned, also any 20. ya books by jandy nelson and john green 21. my fandoms: 5 seconds of summer, bbc merlin, bts

random

1. i don't like bubble tea actually, don't like any tea (but bubble tea looks so pretty) 2. matches for sure, but lighters are cool too i guess 3. i do enjoy the sound of rain (did you know it has a name-- petrichor) 4. i generally just sleep whenever i get tired, so sometimes 9pm, sometimes 4am 5. my favourite/spirit animal is the sloth 6. last message i sent was on Instagram and i literally just said"oh good" 7. my last phone call was to my mum to pick me up from work 8. i don't sleep with my windows open 9. i can't see under my thick quilts so unfortunately, nay to reading under the blankets though it sounds like a vibe

#hope i didn't miss anything #tysm #anon #<3 #this was so cute #thank you for making my day

[dankusner]

Photos by TORIN HALSEY/TIMES RECORD NEWS Danny Herd cooks up a few of the world-famous Herd's burgers at his restaurant in Jacksboro. Herd's is celebrating 100 years in business this year.

Herd is the word:

Eatery serves the ‘best dang sandwich’ in 1,000 miles

JACKSBORO, Texas — If you suspect Herd's Hamburgers is a no-frills burger joint, you're right.

Just finding this noshery seems to take word-of-mouth insider information.

You won't see its name in neon lights, and set back as it is from Main Street, you might not see it at all.

At the end of a gravel driveway, it beckons from the first floor of a nondescript, two-story building that was once a garage apartment.

And a phone? Forget it.

Technology shuns this place.

The World War II griddle aside — that will be a topic for later discussion — the Herds figure it's just as well to not be bothered by a phone while you're trying to serve a line of dedicated burger lovers.

"Have you ever been here on a Saturday, when you're running 45 minutes or an hour behind? We never had a phone," said Orlene Herd, who operated the business with husband Claude for 37 years — the third Herd generation to do so — before their son, Danny, took over in 2008. " … We thought it would cause more trouble than it's worth."

The secretary at First United Methodist Church across the street has taken its share of phone calls for Herd's.

"Judy (the church secretary) told me I owe her a hamburger," Orlene said with a laugh.

But step inside this converted garage, the one with no phone, and that's where all the magic happens.

You see, this patty paradise, opened in 1916 and in the hands of one family for four generations, is no mere mortal greasy spoon.

This is HERD'S Hamburgers.

Writing's on the wall

It's 10:30 a.m. and Danny Herd is already manning the grill.

The place is Lilliputian inside with scant seating room. A long wooden bench with old schoolhouse writing tables rescued from an old sewing house in Gainesville makes for a majority of the seating, while two or three other benches, made by Claude, await customers. Then there are the Dr Pepper benches — old converted wooden soda cases separated by empty Dr Pepper glass bottles for height.

A dozen burger gourmands might squeeze into the place; most will pick up their burger to go or will take a seat at the three or four picnic tables outside.

The décor is accidental country Texas shabby chic.

A pair of antlers hang on one wall, a deer head on the other.

But mostly what catches the eye are the signatures and scribbles. On the wall. On the ceiling. They're just everywhere.

Ralph Neely, No. 73 of the Dallas Cowboys, was the first to sign the wall. That was in 1965.

After that, "It just spread like a virus," Claude said.

Dallas Cowboys No. 74, Bob Lilly, did the same as well as Texas Ranger Toby Harrah and all the regular joes, too, such as one who wrote: "Absolutely the best dang sandwich I've had in over 1,000 miles."

"We could have somebody famous in here and we wouldn't have any idea," Orlene said. "It's just that everybody is somebody to us because we're thankful for the business. If not for our customers, we would not have a business. That's what we try to impress on our help."

Then there are the family photos over 10 decades, stickers and signs, such as, "Do you want to talk to the boss or to the one who knows what's going on?"

And there's this one: "Please Help Yourselves to the Drinks & Chips."

A method to their madness

Sometimes you'll have to help yourself to the drinks and chips.

Herd's gets busy.

You can find Danny most days grilling Herd's Hamburgers on his pride and joy, the World War II-era, military surplus grill.

The grill is vital to the burger goodness that follows.

It is cast iron and has been well seasoned over its 70-plus years.

If it breaks, no worries, Danny owns several more; he would never buy a new grill.

Everyone always notices the mountainous hunk of ground chuck piled on the grill. Danny will cordon off a section then smash it with a brick mason's trowel — it has doubled as a spatula for decades. It's so old a groove has been worn into it from grilling burgers.

The result is irregularly shaped patties with crumbly edges.

Danny doesn't add egg, breadcrumbs or any kind of filler to hold the patties together.

"What do you do with that meat?" a customer asked him one time. "I KNOW you put plenty of seasoning."

Danny swore he didn't then quipped, with a smile, "But if I did, I wouldn't tell you."

And so what's the secret to the Herd's burger?

Like the rest of the place, it's simplicity.

The meat is an 80/20 chuck that Danny has specially ground for him. Any leaner than that and you don't get flavor from the fat; any fatter and you get too much grease and soggy buns.

Danny mentions the "bun dome." He places the bun atop the meat as it cooks.

"That holds in the heat," he said.

It also soaks up the flavor of the burger grease.

Orlene said the method to the Herd's burger-making madness is well-documented.

The business serves old-fashioned burgers topped by mustard, onions, lettuce, tomatoes and pickles

"The best way is to get the mustard on the hot meat (so it warms the cold mustard), then salt and pepper — the warm meat brings that out," she said.

Then you place the onions, followed by the pickles, the lettuce and, finally, the tomato goes on top so that it stays cool.

Simplicity rules the menu, too.

The burgers start at a mere $4.07 for the hamburger. You also can get a cheeseburger, double burger, double cheese or the famed double-double — that's double meat, double cheese.

Other than that, customers can go with a cheese sandwich in all its variations: regular cheese sandwich, grilled cheese or ham and cheese.

A bacon sandwich is also among the offerings.

You won't find fries on the menu, by the way, or onion rings. Just bags of chips.

"We didn't have to want to hire more help to do the frying and cooking," Claude said.

If you ask Danny how many burgers he thinks he cooks a month, he doesn't know: "I just count the money in the drawer," he said with a laugh.

Five-generation burger dynasty

When Herd's opened it wasn't an eatery, exactly.

It was more of a order-and-go burger stand when Claude's aunt, Ella Gafford, operated it in a canvas-sided food tent. Today, even though the tent is gone, Herd's operates in much the same way. With its limited seating, most customers get their burger to-go in a brown paper bag.

The burger joint has operated in various locations throughout the years, from the east side of the downtown square before moving by a hotel building and then where the Jacksboro city office is now.

Claude's parents, Mary and Jess, operated the place from 1946-1971 near where the clinic is, Orlene said.

Orlene and Claude ran Herd's Hamburgers from 1971-2008, and now Danny helms the place.

"I worked for UPS for 21 years. … It has been in the family for so long. It would be a shame to let it go," Danny said. "I wanted to carry on the tradition. And it's good money and you're your own boss."

Danny's son, Jesse, would be the fifth generation to run Herd's if he decides to take over the family business. He has helmed the grill himself and likely will be behind the grill this summer when he's home from college.

Claude and Orlene said what they miss about being in Herd's every day are the customers.

One customer said that after school she and her friends would run to Herd's, where they could get a hamburger, Coke and candy bar for 30 cents.

Sheri Criswell of Paradise drove 40 miles to Jacksboro for a ladies' lunch out just so she could have the Herd's burger experience. She had never eaten one before.

"She's lying! Everyone's had a Herd's burger," said one of her friends from one of the outdoor picnic tables.

"It's actually one of the best burgers I've ever had," Criswell said. "I love the homemade patty; it makes a difference."

Dee Wilson and her husband, James, have been regulars since 1986 and drive 30 minutes for a Herd's burger.

Dan Bates of Frisco, in business dress, was there with co-workers. It was a no-frills lunch in Texas' best no-frills burger joint.

"It's just one of those old-school Texas burger joints … You walk in and the first thing you notice is that big hunk of meat. … I guess you're doing something right if you keep your business open 100 years."

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