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libra-stellium · 12 days

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Saturn transit I tracked! Saturn trine Mars (Feb 27-Apr 18, if you have mars in Scorpio 12° like meee the dates are the same)

Descriptions from Saturn in Transit by Erin Sullivan and Planets in Transit - Robert Hand.

Saturn trine Mars

Can produce many contrary feelings with focus on issues that pertain to psychological polarities (like love vs hate)

I was having a lot of deep conversations! Also talking to myself like you can't say you want [this] but act like [that] that's not how life works! lol

Potential for burnout but only if the aspect follows a long period of unsatisfying activity

I don't think I've been burnt out during this time but I have so many heavy transits going on all I could do some days was just sit on my ass lmao like recently that mars-saturn conjunction was at 14 degrees aka my rising degree smh FUN

The form of anger of Mars-Saturn can emerge either in explosion or depression

I was pissed off some days for sure! Especially with my aunt bc I've just become so sick of listening to her talk about things she wants to get or wants to do but doing nothing about it like do something or shut up omg and my job pissed me off and this show i was watching pissed me off lol at least I wasn't depressed!

Lay the groundwork for long range goals and find that it is not only possible but enjoyable to apply ourselves diligently

I went to the doctor and he asked me to lose weight bc my blood work was on the higher end of the green and I knew this was coming lol I knew saturn return 1H was going to involve losing weight at some point! I've never truly tried before ?? I was active bc I was always dancing on a team but when I wasn't in school anymore that stopped lol so i've been trying out different recipes recently bc food and ordering out is my biggest weakness! I've cooked a lot over the last couple months and it's been nice! It's like a muscle so the more you do it the less hard it feels to get up and do it again. I also got an electional reading on 3/18 for best date to get my gym membership. Putting the pieces together fr!

Will highlight times when it is best to be cautious about expending more than our immediate energy allows

I've been fucking tired bruh! I get bursts of energy and then I have to recuperate for 3 days lol

Brings acute awareness of our range of influence and power in the world

This has been interesting because one of the attorneys I work with has been showing how much he trusts me lately and I'm like omgggg he was like "be honest does my argument here sound stupid?" lmaoo It's really easing the imposter syndrome!

Mars’s drive is tempered by Saturn in the trines allowing more productive and realistic avenues for expressing ambition and assertiveness

I noticed this in the meals I was choosing to prepare! Instead of going 0-100 like "I'm gonna stop ordering out cold turkey and I'm gonna meal prep every day" I've been finding easy recipes I like and just buying those ingredients and trying it out! The rest of the time I would make it real basic with just a rice, protein, veggie combo lol can't go wrong there!

Able to organize many small details into larger tasks

Idk why I thought this one would show up in me finishing this 3000 piece puzzle that's laid out on my floor lmao but instead it was just being able to think clearly about all the moving pieces of planning my Amsterdam trip!

Content to be patient and to work slowly

I spent 3 weeks with nothing to do at work at all and that was just sooooo boring but I wasn't nearly as antsy as I had been before when that happened.

Expectations are modest and you are willing to do whatever is necessary to achieve them

My goals this transit were just to cook more and actually use the groceries I bought. Even today I ate my last banana! I'm not ashamed to say I'm a banana buyer but I only eat one and the rest stay there to rot but this time I ate all 4!

This is not a glamorous time in your life but your actions can lead to real and lasting accomplishments

Facts omg my apt is not cute rn but I wasn't in the mood to upkeep it (aka put my clean clothes away lol) but I am cleaning up on the last couple days of this transit so it better stay clean for a while lol

#astrology #astro #astro tumblr #learn astrology #astro community #pisces rising #libra stellium #saturn in the 1st house #saturn trine mars #saturn transit #saturn mars transit

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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Hi, I have hard executive dysfunctions but had some (temporary) results using to-do apps and stuff. For everything, brushing teeth, eating, etc. But it always end (very quickly) by me adding 30+ to dos for a day and working 10 hours to get them done until I break down. I can't not do it. Once I think about it, there is sooo much to do, so much I neglected.

So I saw this nice bullet journal in a shop today and took it with me and need some ideas how to make it, to not end like the others:

I thought about a symptom part, how good did I sleep, what mental health issues do I have, etc pp.

I am completely unsure if I should ad any "chore to-dos" or only self care/mental health ones. But even those feel like chores so...

And my energy level varies strongly so I thought about keeping it vague like idk "do one relaxing thing"-like maybe. So I could decide on that day, what I think I will get done. But that's pretty unsatifying.

Ah and, as much as I love such book and diaries etc, writing it down feels like a chore too so... It sounds worse than it is, I had some results but everything in this world sounds like a chore so I am unsure how to make this fun and manageable and neither go to the extreme nor give up.

Give me all your ideas and examples and plans.

Hi anon,

As soon as I saw your ask I just knew I wanted to answer it ~ I have ADHD, but because of other chronic health issues - I cannot take stimulant medications for it and rely on my adaptations to manage symptoms (and yup, some of my mental energy does get used up doing it this way - but it is possible for some of us!). I wanted to start by sharing some resource links and articles first:

The Best Work Schedule for ADHD Brains: Flexible or Rigid? (with resources at the end, and lots of reflections from a variety of folks who benefit from both - great starting point to see which style resonates with you)

Adults With Executive Function Disorder (scroll about halfway down for tips and resources)

Tips and Tricks for Executive Function Disorder (geared towards the caretaker of a child with it, but still impactful suggestions, including movement breaks and reward systems)

Executive Function Disorder: Bullet Journal (one person’s personal bullet journal and how an adaptable reward system - shaped like a bingo card - really helped them)

But also wanted to share what I use/tell myself throughout the day/week to help: (under the cut to help avoid the post getting super long)

I personally use an adapted planner for the overall schedule, it’s got enough blank spaces where if I want to “change it up” I can do that week to week, but in general this is the place where I store my overall monthly calendar and every Sunday night write out my week ahead of “big things” (apps, time sensitive errands, etc).

I take a picture of my monthly calendar, as well as my weekly so even if I’m out and about I can quickly refer to it if someone asks about a date - versus saying “I’ll check my calendar later and get back to you” . . . and then - never doing it, whoops!

People in my life are used to it by now, but essentially if someone tells me something like “next weekend is so and so’s birthday” - I’ll take a moment to set an alarm reminder to add it to my calendar when I’m home, and or make a text message note on my phone, and set an alarm that essentially reads “don’t forget to add your text notes to the calendar” (some days I can have like fifteen alarms going off throughout the day, but this way I also manage to add the information I need to, versus feeling like I’m constantly forgetting something, or worse, expending limited mental energy constantly cycling through a “don’t forget don’t forget don’t forget” concentration).

I timeblock my day every morning before everyone else is awake, for example: 7 to 8 - studies, 9 to 10 - social, and so on. By doing it every day, I can refer back to it throughout the day and adjust as needed but also not plan too far ahead with no adaptability to changing circumstances. I also ensure that for a chunk of “serious chores” I also schedule in what I like to call “serotonin boosts” - whether that’s some friends time, or creative time, whatever sparks joy for you. There have definitely been days where I felt like I could not do one more email - and then reminded myself that as soon as I got through the five I scheduled myself for, then I could draw for an hour (a basic ‘this, then that’ reward system). Suddenly, I manage to push through it, and often quicker than I had originally thought it would take - allowing me to have even more time with something that brings joy.

If I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I set several alarms, almost like a countdown

I like to use fun color pens, or even pens with like fuzzy balls, or some other sort of stimming part to it as I work - it allows me a moment to stim if I need it, even when I’m tackling the “boring brain dump” stuff.

No amount of telling my brain “just do it” for twenty minutes is going to magically create the dopamine/serotonin it needs to do the thing. So if a reward isn’t working, I get up and move with a timer to get it going that way, and then try again.

I’m sure there’s plenty more ideas/tips/tricks - anyone stumbling on this, please feel free to comment, reblog, and add to it, but I hope it’s a helpful start for you and anyone else out there looking for adaptions. - Mod Kat

#trauma talks #mod kat #executive function disorder

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eoieopda · 1 year

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Unnie, how long does it typically take you to write? Do you normally do little bits of a story over a few days, or do you hammer it all out at once? I have to put pieces together slowly and I honestly don’t know if that’s normal.

beeb, there is no normal, so don’t worry! the amount of time it takes me to write something depends on a lot of things, tbh. full answer below the cut!

some of them are physical/physiological: how bad is my fibro pain, did i remember to take my adderall or has it worn off, am i too fatigued to expend energy on a lot at once? etc. moooooost of the time (like 98%) i ignore the check engine light and do not stop once i’ve started something (because who tf knows when i’ll pick it back up if i stop, lol.)

these are some things i’ve noticed about myself and my writing habits:

the thing that will be easiest is the emotional stuff, like the inner thoughts or the dialogue. the thing that will always be the hardest is cleaning up once the writing part is over. it takes me FOR👏🏻EV👏🏻ER to try and edit/proofread. with my adhd, i make a lot of careless mistakes — and even if i don’t, i THINK that i have, and i have to check 5 billion times before posting — then i get so sick of looking at the thing that i need to stop. 🥲

i drag my feet with smut because i don’t think i’m good at it. i try really hard to vary descriptions and shit because i don’t want all the smut scenes across my fics to be too similar, then i get mad that i can only think of a few ways to describe a certain sex act, etc. even if the rest of the fic is done, the smut takes twice as long — which is wild because i’m a gd degenerate as an individual, but struggle so badly with WRITING sex 🙃

angst is infinitely faster than fluff because i am a a sad, soft boi with a lot of feelings lmao. lacuna was banged out in, like, 2-3 hours but i’ve had fluff drabbles take twice that long (only to be 1/8th of the length???)

series chapters, even if they’re shorter than my one shots, take longer. this is because i’m bad at planning 🤪 i have general concepts of things i want to maybe have happen, but i do not make detailed outlines of shit. then i change my mind COMPLETELY as i’m writing, and have to figure out what i’m doing/if it makes any sense/if it is in any way consistent with what i previously posted.

idk if any of this answers your question or helps you, but i hope it does???

#introduction to jade’s brain worms #i’m a mess lol #jade speaks #anon

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papytonpropaganda · 1 year

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First of all: happy new year, hope this year will turn out great for you

I was actually just checking your blog today and was wondering what ur up to.

Idk, got anything to ramble about? What about Walls, or any other kind of fanfiction, have you made any progress or got new interesting ideas? I am honestly very curious about any kind of new information lol !!

thanks so much, same to you!!

it has been,,,,, very hard to write for the past several months. I have completed like. a single one-shot and a drabble since last August. my job is just so soul-sucking, the people who shop at the store I work at can be very unkind and entitled and dehumanizing, and I'm finally coming to grips with the fact that it is actively damaging my mental and physical health and it's not worth staying even if it's more convenient for my bosses. I will miss a lot of my coworkers, but I just can't keep doing this. I'm hoping to find somewhere quieter to work with a different clientele, and to stay part-time this time so I'm not expending all my energy at my job.

fortunately, just the thought of leaving is giving me a little more energy, so I'm planning on getting back to writing today, hopefully more regularly. one of my friends made a little Papyton Christmas prompt list over the holidays and I really want to write for it even if Christmas is over, lol. I also want to do some drabbles for the Asgorecember event I (barely) helped run, start a couple new series, and work on some old fics that haven't been updated in a good while. I also really want to take requests again, so I might do that later this month.

as for Walls, I haven't really had a chance to convene with Pixie (now a co-creator of the universe/timeline Walls takes place in) lately because of the holidays, so not much has been done on that front, but if I'm lucky and I'm able to find a better job, we might be able to set up regular times to work on it. we are still aiming for May 2024 for the release of the first chapters.

I've explained the current plans for Walls in this post, but to tldr (since it's a bit of a long post), the main story is now going to be split into 3 fics due to the large cast and the complexity of the material I'm working with--one fic will be Papyrus's POV, one will be Mettaton's, and then the last fic, when both individual arcs are wrapped up, will be a mix of both for the final arc.

I've been trying to avoid titling anything, but I listen to too much music so I've already got tentative plans from song titles/lyrics. I've been dying to share them so I'll put them under the cut at the end of this ask in case people don't want to be spoiled.

so uhhhhhhh yeah that's that. very excited to hopefully make a writing comeback!! I've missed sharing things with you all.

potential titles for Walls fics under the cut, please do not look under the cut if you don't want to be spoiled!!

Papyrus fic - "R.E.M." (based on "R.E.M" by Ariana Grande)

Mettaton fic - "song of the caged bird" (based on "Song of the Caged Bird" by Lindsey Stirling)

Final arc - "sweetener" (based on "sweetener" by Ariana Grande) (still waffling a lot on this title tbh)

#anonymous #thank you for asking!

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imafoolishfragilespine · 11 months

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sometimes it’s just like damn you should not be on social media you’re just gonna get your feelings hurt

it’s always like damn i know people are generally busy so one hangout posted online does not mean i’m actively being excluded or anything but it seems like every time i DO see people they’ll mention other recent hangouts and it’s like hi what i go months without seeing anyone and no one asks me anywhere? especially now when i’m like uh hi my entire life might be fucked i’d like to do normal things while that’s still a possibility not that anybody really knows that that’s where my head is at so it’s not their fault but. i’m scared and lonely lmao, wheras usually it’s just lonely

and it’s like they always seem genuinely happy when they do see me so it’s not like they don’t WANT to hang out and i know i don’t put in enough effort but it’s so hard especially now. like damn i keep telling myself to check in on my friend who just had a baby and i can’t even manage that when i think well, there’s a chance i’ll lose my normal abilities haha how can i expend energy on anything else while i’m in limbo.

bc idk last time i saw my friend he talked about the issues with another friend but he would clearly see her regularly and so it’s like....why not me. was she the one always making the plans and that’s why? bc i can’t exactly make plans when i live with my parents. of course right now with feeling more shitty than i already had since all my symptoms started, i’m a little nervous about breaking away from routine anyway bc that’s about all i can manage and i’m scared i may not be able to continue even that, i just don’t know! and he’s the only one i’ve told about what’s going on anyway, so like no one else outside of my family knows how afraid i am and even they don’t really know bc i’m not acknowledging the change in symptoms lmao

but anyway it’s just been an issue for years and you can’t just be like hey why don’t i ever get invited to anything except like. birthday or maybe other holiday parties skdfks like i know i felt this same way in high school but at least i WAS getting time in with my friends back then and even somewhat in college bc we made a point of it whenever i was in town. but since then it’s like....so very little. and i know i at least used to be inclined to say no bc of my introversion when i wasn’t in the mood but now it’s like oh my god i would go out several weekends in a row with the opportunity that’s how desperate i am. and again, of course no one knows i feel that way but it’s like...do you not think it’s weird to have hangouts however often you do and virtually NEVER ask me? and i’ve said before idk who really makes the plans, i just know i don’t get asked. i know that i spend virtually every weekend at home and sure i do need to relax and be alone but not every weekend.

my life just feels so fucking pathetic and every time my friends ask something about one of my friends i don’t know anything bc our only conversations are usually just like someone sending something funny or whatever, nothing of like substance most of the time. and of course even those conversations are few and far between with most of the people i call friends. so sometimes when i go a long time without seeing them like this i’ll be like.....can i even continue calling this person a friend. especially after what happened with reece where i had no idea anything was wrong, i just figured we hadn’t talked in a bit and that was all, and apparently she was pissed at me for not making enough effort. and like i said, i know that’s a problem, but most people don’t reach out that much either. and even then a lot of the time it’s truly just like five messages and then it’s dead and i’m just not good at holding a conversation over text, not that i’m much better in person, but STILL

i just think of how i must look to everyone around me, what my parents see with someone who can’t get her life together and never socializes, what my friends must see with someone who’s still working for her dad after all this time even though she never wanted it...and i wanted this year to change at least on that front and then my body decided to attack me and it’s already hard enough thinking of what i really want in life under normal circumstances, plus the real fear: how to get there, so i absolutely have not been able to consider working on any of that this year as i had originally planned, and the time keeps passing, but....since i think hey, my entire body might fucking fall apart, well, i may not be able to work, so why bother wasting my time thinking about it until i know what’s gonna happen to me in the next months/years

anyway like...it’s just nice to know i’m being thought of and i get those moments here and there of course, and i know everybody’s got their own stuff but i’m just like. please god just ask me to hang out and do nothing i don’t caaaare what it is i just wanna get out of the house sometimes

#personal

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organized-chaotic-disaster · 1 year

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TW/CW sexual harassment/trauma(?), stalking(?), social anxiety

Been feeling, uh. Not too great recently. And idk if it's bc my brain doesn't know how to process this relatively positive situation or if it's bc I've been under a lot of stress lately, or if it might even have something to do with the shitty thing that happened to me on the first fucking day of school this semester in which I'm pretty goddamn sure a dude tried to get off to me while talking to me. Or maybe it's just a me thing needing some alone time? idk But like. Shit sucks, man

Like, my friends are wonderful people. And we've even managed to make a new friend this semester— groupmate for our group project actually turned out to not be shit and we just clicked, somehow —and it's been awesome. This new friend is super chill and open and always makes you feel included. It's really great

But I somehow. I feel like I've been more on edge recently? Regarding social anxiety stuff? Like, I don't wanna admit to fucking something up, bc I don't wanna embarrass myself and look stupid. And anything that might make things even slightly awkward feels like a death sentence. I'm always hesitant to engage with people, even in friendly settings, for fear of embarrassing myself or fucking things up otherwise, but the fear just. It feels more intense

And I can't tell if that's bc it's the end of the semester so it's crunch time and that's stressful as all hell!! Or if it's bc I've met a new person and I still feel like it's too early for me to be as chill as I'd otherwise be, like I can't be my entire, messy, honest self, but at the same time they're so chill that it feels like I can be?? But I don't wanna look dumb or weird or w/e at the same time?? Like idk. Maybe it's like. My brain doesn't expect new people to be people that stick around for long. It doesn't expect new people to click with my friends and I. So if it does happen I just. Don't know how to deal with it, y'know??

Or maybe it's bc my stress levels have been high for months at this point bc of the whole awful experience I had on the first day of class. Like, I'm literally always on edge on campus now. I feel like I can't let my guard down. I can't relax. I need to wear headphones bc this person is less likely to approach someone if they're wearing headphones bc he takes the hint that they're not available to talk, but I HATE wearing headphones bc I feel like I can't hear everything, I can't be as aware as I need to be. So I just have one headphone in, and don't play anything, but it's still stressful as fuck. And ultimately the guy isn't dangerous, he's just. Not understanding boundaries for people. It's a consistent problem, I'm not the only one he's "stalked." But he keeps trying to approach me and my friends. And it makes me so fucking uncomfortable. I'm constantly on guard. I always feel scared on campus now

Or maybe this is just a me thing, and my social battery is just at critical levels and I need to recharge it. I've been socializing a lot more than usual recently, so honestly that would make sense. Especially since I do unconsciously mask, even with my friends. So a lot of energy is being expended in that regard

But yeah, idk man

Like, I'll be thinking to myself, "wow I'm fucking stupid," but only moments later my friends will say "you're more than smart enough for grad school" and I just. I don't believe that. I'm sorry. But I'm not. And they say they really appreciate me and have fun with me. But I worry that either that isn't really the case, or that they'll decide before long that they don't like me anymore bc I've done something stupid, or shitty in their opinion

Shit sucks

#personal #ask to tag

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cactusfru1ts · 2 years

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still so baffling to me how the younger queers i hang out with care SO MUCH about a distinction between bi and pan that i swear to god mustve become mainstream in the past few years because ive been extremely online in queer spaces since 2015 and “pan means no preference and bi means preference and you have to use the right label” is VERY new. every time it gets brought up i feel like a crochety old man but its just so hard for me to watch kids expending all their energy on telling their friends theyre using the wrong label when it serves no real purpose aside from making somebody feel Correct And Right and just makes everybody uncomfortable

like when i came out (as pan, for the record, i wasnt bi until 2020) i remember that the most agreed-upon difference was either that bi people didnt necessarily like people of all genders or that pan people liked trans/nonbinary people. (which were different distinctions, just to be clear- i remember meeting bi people who liked everyone but men, as an example.) there was also a preference thing sometimes but it wasnt that pan was bi with no preference, it was that some people were bi/pan with a preference and some people were just bi/pan. (with the assumption being that you had no preference unless otherwise stated, usually.) the difference came down to aesthetics a lot of the time. and yes i know that definitions change but i dont think the definitions of bi and pan need to be changed to be cleanly separated. i trust other people to use labels that feel true to what they are you know?

idk like we had to sort of collectively unpack both the assumption that bi/pan people couldnt prefer one gender without being secretly gay or straight and the assumption that bi people were transphobic for not using pan and all this other shit and i really thought most of us had finally reached a nice balance of “its about personal preference!” but i guess not. i just dont see any benefit to… marking some clear border between bi and pan and whatever else because there will always be somebody getting annexed by that border and they shouldnt feel like they have to change, you know?

anyways im sure none of this is particularly new information for anyone that follows me but i needed to get my thoughts together because i feel like im going crazy every time i think about it. like, i cant possibly have been offline (or, hiding out on discord i guess) for long enough for this entire shift in definitions to have happened out of nowhere, right? but i guess i was, and i shouldnt be surprised by that. its not like this is the first time thats happened.

#quetzposting #queer tag #queer discourse #bi/pan discourse #those are for easy blacklisting please do not come on this post to try and convince me im wrong #however if u have something constructive to say thats different but like #its not an invitation to argue okay. please recognize that now #queerphobia discussion #long post

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meggannn · 3 years

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guerrilla does something interesting in HZD with aloy and her motivations and how they let her goals differ from the player's goals. most of the time when a main character's driving goals differ from the audience's, it means the writing has misfired and it feels jarring when you shine a spotlight on it. but it definitely works in HZD because guerilla knew what the player's immediate interests would be—they open their game with huge scenic shots of a pre-industrial community contrasted with these enormous robot dinosaurs! they want you to be sucked into the mystery of why things are the way they are—and they also knew going in that they had had to tie the player's interests to aloy's goals as a character (john gonzalez, the narrative director, talks about it a bit in this interview). and over time, the two start to bleed over as aloy starts to care about the old ones and we start to care more about her. i don't know if they'll continue this strategy in HFW, but they've set themselves up in a really unique situation with the contrast of aloy's focus on the present/future and the audience's interest (mostly) in the past.

i've been trying to find a way to articulate the ideas in this post for a while, and i am really tired so forgive me if this gets redundant or some sentences don't make sense lol. spoilers for HZD obv

in HZD, aloy, the motherless outcast, is largely concentrated on finding out the mystery of her origins. i mean hopefully we, the player, are also interested in that because it's a pretty unique set up (it's not possible for someone to not have a birth mother... right?), but i'm willing to bet that most of the audience was overwhelmingly more interested in figuring out what the hell happened to the old ones of this world (us) and why robots are wandering around everywhere, than we were about figuring out what happened to aloy's mom. (i'm aware that is a large assumption, but i think it's a pretty safe one considering the reactions i see when people finish the game usually mention APOLLO in some way, or ask if it's still around or there's a way to bring it back.)

for aloy, the status quo of robots-that-nobody-really-understands wandering around is just a constant of her life, and discovering her mother is her pressing issue. for us, this world's major differences between our world (why did we die off and why are robots now the dominant species on earth) are more fascinating. so guerrilla ties the micro and macro mysteries together so that we are also interested in aloy's journey about her origins: by making the story of her birth and the history of the world woven into the same narrative fabric

aloy even directly says "it (finding out info on the past) isn't why i'm here" and sylens replies sarcastically "of course, what's the whole of human history compared to the search of one girl?" it isn't until after aloy realizes she's a clone, that she doesn't have a traditional birth mother, when she faces the nora and decides to stop HADES because GAIA asked her to, in a sign of extreme maturity and character growth (imo), does her goal of helping GAIA by beating HADES now start to align with the player's goals of trying to "set the world right" (by helping GAIA by beating HADES).

it's interesting because if anything, sylens, the anti-hero and arguable deuteragonist, is the character whose goals most match up with the audience's own throughout HZD: he's the one who is seeking out the knowledge of the old ones, he's the one who mourns losing APOLLO the way we do. aloy doesn't really react to what became of APOLLO at all (when it's revealed what happened to it, her immediate response is sorrow over the alphas' deaths, the more human element compared to sylens's laser focus on info-hunting). sylens is... also a total asshole and might be an anti-villain in the upcoming games (i hope not; i hope he's more of a rogue agent than an actual villain, personally) so it will be interesting if the audience eventually starts feeling torn between aloy's goals (save the world today) and sylens's (recover what can be saved the world of the old ones)

for aloy, APOLLO's absence is not a loss because she's never known a world without the knowledge of the old ones. why does she care about expending energy to hunt for info on our music and art and politics and wars? how does shifting through datapoints about things she doesn't understand and tools/tech she doesn't have access to help the planet today? after discovering GAIA's origins and purpose, i'm sure she'd probably be interested in recovering APOLLO if there is anything left of it to recover—even she's only interested in it to honor samina/elisabet's memory and the effort of PZD—but a lot of the fandom (myself included) keeps hoping and speculating and wondering if APOLLO is still around because APOLLO is the audience, or rather, it's the last scraps of what's left of us. we have an interest in APOLLO but aloy never shows any interest in or sorrow over it besides to vaguely wonder what happened to it. her interests are in the here and now.

when the audience looks at her world, we see what we've lost, and we know APOLLO is a way to get some of it back. for aloy, she's definitely engaged and interested in the old ones' technology and wants to make sure PZD's work is continued and restored and rebuild GAIA, so if APOLLO turns out to be around i'm sure she'd be interested in it, but for now, she's got too many things going on to consider it a priority. and even if she did, it would have to come after she's taken care of the immediate threats of the other chaotic subfunctions; and she would have to justify the time and energy spent on APOLLO to the value it gives her world (a world that doesn't utilize focuses as much as PZD had hoped, and a world whose language has likely changed enough that they might not even understand what they were being told) because she'd have to do it for her world. her world is already here, the old ones' world is gone, and her world the one that needs saving, not the possibility of bringing the old ones' back

so guerrilla has set themselves up with something very interesting here imo where the protag and the audience have mostly aligned but largely separate primary interests and i'm very curious to see how these interests will keep aligning, or not, in the future. personally i think they'll make the main focus of the series discovering and befriending the subfunctions and restoring GAIA, while also wrestling with modern-day politics in an effort to start preparing contemporary groups of people for a more holistic understanding of nature and machines, with the hopes of preparing them for GAIA's return and a future where they 1. take care of the planet and 2. stop attacking machines for parts lol. and i think they'll drag out the mystery of APOLLO possibly still being around until the end (assuming there will be 3 or more games).

personally, when i look at what we've been given so far (everything could change when HFW comes out), i could go either way on if APOLLO is still actually around or not. it would be an interesting (if expected) twist, but i wouldn't want it as wish fulfillment; i wouldn't want it to be used as a cheat that suddenly means ted faro's harm can be negated, or brought back as a HEA in a way that implies knowledge will suddenly be used and spread equally or even easily. also we should consider APOLLO is now an AI of its own! it will have opinions and things and the will to act on them!

discounting the overwhelmingly difficult logistics of introducing APOLLO to a new world that has evolved without its involvement from its inception, if APOLLO comes back in the way the we, the audience, want it to, then spreading several millennia's worth of knowledge to several diverse, warring peoples is full of difficult challenges that you are now suddenly introducing; aloy + GAIA + co. would now be in charge of not only taking care of humans on this spinning ball called earth, but also educating them equally and fairly. it's a huge task to introduce on aloy's already very busy schedule! so frankly i wouldn't be surprised if they wrote APOLLO off and went with an "it sucks but we have to make the most of the world the old ones left us" angle—or, alternatively, have aloy (or sylens!) dedicate the rest of her life traveling and hunting down and/or spreading what remains of APOLLO'S knowledge?

idk! there's a lot to dissect here about what guerrilla is doing and where APOLLO fits in as both a possible ally/villain and a narrative tool to keep us interested (it is a carrot on the stick for the audience)! and i find it all very interesting!!

#horizon zero dawn #horizon stuff #aloy #sylens

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pips-fics · 3 years

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ask by @writercirrus / @sickiecirrus (be sure to check out her fantastic writing!) : Hi!! My favorite fic is the one where Han gets sick and calls Channie who runs over and helps him. Idk why but I keep rereading. Your stories are always well written!! I’ve never been like LET ME EDIT THIS PLZZZ like I do with most other fanfics!! I do have a request... Channie gets the stomach flu and doesn’t want to be babied or fussed over but finally gives in and lets his members take care of him (idk why but I feel like Channie would be like that)

big thanks to madeline once again for the lovely title! <3 and thank you to cirrus for the kind words and their request, it was a lot of fun to write :D

tw: vomiting, insomnia, overworking

take a rest, hyung –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

“you are not allowed to leave your bed today.” minho had taken one look at chan and decided to lay down the law. behind him, felix cackled.

“chan stay in bed challenge!”

chan groaned. that was the thing about these two: he couldn’t say no to either of them. felix because saying no to him felt like bullying a small child; minho because he already knew chan disagreed and clearly did not care. chan tried anyway.

“i’m fine. you’re both just overreacting.”

jisung poked his head through the doorway, looking skeptical. “who’s overreacting?”

hope blossomed in chan’s chest. jisung would understand. “sungie! i just want to work on that one b-side, just for a bit. non strenuous activity, y’know?”

“oh,” jisung said, giving chan a quick once-over. “no.”

“what?”

“yeah, hyung, you look like you’re going to pass out. don’t move.”

it took all of chan’s willpower not to throw something in a fit of rage when jisung came over to check his temperature with the back of his hand. or it would have, except chan did feel slightly like he might pass out, actually. jisung whistled, and chan pretended like his head didn’t feel like it was splitting down the middle.

“he’s pretty warm,” jisung said to minho, who nodded as if he already knew that.

“well he’s been working non-stop recently and hardly sleeping,” hyunjin said from the doorway, quickly catching on to the situation. he took about three strides and crossed the room to press a glass of cool water to chan’s lips. chan sputtered.

“what is wrong with you all? i’m not dying, i can take care of myself.”

hyunjin looked at him skeptically. “you literally can’t, that’s the point i just made.”

rather than respond to that, chan got up and pushed his way through the small crowd that had begun to encircle him. he walked to the kitchen and then, without preamble, vomited into the sink.

after three quick, powerful, and unpleasant expulsion of his stomach contents, chan wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and turned to see seungmin starring at him, open mouthed. across the room, jeongin choked on the water he’d been drinking. chan frowned.

“what? i feel better now,” he explained. seungmin’s mouth snapped shut, then opened again.

“what. the fuck.”

chan soon found himself being marched back to his bedroom by the two youngest members of stray kids.

he wasn’t stupid. chan understood that the other boys cared about him, and that they were just trying to help. he knew it would make them feel better, so he resigned himself to allowing their fussing - just temporarily.

chan would admit that the cool towels jisung kept putting on his forehead felt nice, and it was very sweet that the boys ensured someone was with him at all times - to prevent boredom, seungmin said. but then, that was the problem - chan wouldn’t be bored if they would just let him work, but as soon as he took his laptop out, minho confiscated it.

“this is so unfair,” chan complained. minho just smirked at him, seeming to take great pleasure in chan’s annoyance.

“you can thank me later.”

chan grumbled under his breath, but thought smugly that the joke was on minho, in the end. chan had his phone hidden under the covers, so he could work on writing lyrics using that. heck, he could even plug in his AirPods an work on producing with a mobile app, if he really wanted to. chan smiled slightly, feeling clever, and then sprinted to the bathroom.

despite minho’s annoying tough love, there was something soothing about having someone there to brush chan’s sweaty bangs away from his forehead as he emptied his stomach. this time the nausea didn’t pass quite a quickly, or as completely - even after a ten minute camp out filled with productive heaving, chan still felt woozy, and he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. he hid them in his hoodie pockets as minho guided him back to the bedroom.

things were quieter after that. most of the younger guys were at the studio practicing the dance moves for their upcoming music video, and changbin, who chan hadn’t seen all day, was probably cooped up with jisung trying to pick up the slack from chan’s day off. chan was genuinely exhausted and was tempted to actually rest, but sleep didn’t come easily with guilt hanging over him. no matter how much he told himself it was better in the long run, the knowledge that someone had to do whatever he didn’t have time for was eating chan up inside.

so, after trying and failing to sleep for about ten minutes, chan slid under the covers and got to work on his phone. he tried to be kind to himself, but he wasn’t making much progress even while he was working on stuff.

when changbin barged in and suddenly threw chan’s covers off to snatch his phone out of his hands, chan was less than pleased.

“changbin! what the fuck!”

“hyung, you’re supposed to be sleeping!” changbin said, annoyance lining his voice.

“what, did jisung tell you that?” chan felt angry tears spring to his eyes and quickly wiped them away, but he saw changbin soften.

“of course he did,” changbin said. “he’s so worried about you that he can’t get a single thing done, hyung. so please, just rest? at least let your eyes take a break from your screens?”

in the corner of the room, minho checked his watch - or the place on his wrist where the would’ve been a watch, if he’d owned one. “welp, looks like my shift is up. changbin, babysitting duty is all yours.”

changbin frowned, but took minho’s place silently. chan refused to meet his eyes.

“hyung?”

“just leave me alone, changbin, please.”

it wasn’t anger, but it came off that way. it was shame.

the thought that chan had thrown jisung off, too, and now changbin was here taking care of him - chan hated it. they were all going to get in trouble for slacking at this rate, and it was chan’s fault about three times over. truthfully, chan felt like crying, but that would only make things worse, so instead he pulled out out a notebook. on accident, he met changbin’s disapproving gaze. chan’s voice came out sounding very small.

“bin, please.”

arms crossed, changbin breathed a sigh through his nose. he didn’t say anything, but his eyes slid away from chan and he clear didn’t intend to stop him.

the guilt settled heavier than ever in chan’s already upset stomach, but he hoped making some progress on work would help him feel better. unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. with every minute that passed, chan felt worse. he jotted down some notes, just vague ideas but most of his energy was being expended just trying to keep his stomach contents in place. by the time he admitted to himself that he was fighting a losing battle, chan could hardly move without risking making a mess.

he set his notes aside, and put a trembling hand over his mouth. his attempt to get changbin’s attention was cut off before he could even say “bin,” and it was all chan could do to swallow the sick in his throat back down. he wasn’t entirely successful, but thankfully, changbin had sprung up and handed chan the plastic bowl minho had left by his bedside.

things still weren’t pretty. chan had held the sick in for so long that once he stopped fighting it, it spewed forth with so much force that it splattered the bed - and chan’s notes. changbin scrambled to save them, but chan waved him off.

“throw them out,” he said dejectedly, right before coughing himself into another vomiting spell. at this point, chan was beyond exhausted, and the room wouldn’t stop spinning before his eyes. when he squeezed them shut, he felt even sicker and retched hollowly until changbin forced him to drink some water that chan threw up again almost immediately. chills ran through him so viciously that chan worried he might lose his grip on the bowl, and was relieved when someone else’s hands appeared to keep it steady.

by the time he was done, chan wanted absolutely nothing more than a hug. when he looked up with tears in his eyes, chan found that jeongin was the one holding the bowl and froze.

“are you all back?” it was one thing, he thought, to inconvenience changbin alone - he and changbin had been through thick and thin together, and despite chan’s guilt, he knew changbin would brush this off soon enough. he wasn’t as sure about the other members of his team. “are you okay?” chan asked, on second thought.

jeongin scoffed. “hyung, can you please stop worrying about the rest of us for one second and worry about yourself? or better yet, just let us do the worrying for you, for once.”

chan sniffled, and felt tears prick his eyes. his boys had really matured. the realization took the breath out of him for a second, and the tension went with it. he flopped back onto his pillows and nodded.

“yeah, alright, innie, i’ll give it a go.”

after that, it was a flurry of activity. tasks, apparently, had been delegated by seungmin, so changbin cleaned out the bucket, hyunjin grabbed more water, minho put the blankets in the wash, jisung brought new blankets, jeongin cleaned chan up - and felix was on immediate snuggle duty. as the others finished their tasks, they joined, one by one, until the bed was a pile of the people chan treasured most.

in the end, it was easier than he’d thought, falling asleep surrounded by love.

——

a very quick reader survey (specific to this fic!) to make me smile and celebrate hyunjin <3

——

feel free to send more asks! / rules

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mooglesorts · 3 years

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hmmm... does it sound like a bird secondary/bird model thing to be, for lack of a better word, territorial?

not necessarily in the sense of, like, getting defensive and driving people off (although if someone gets into My Territory who makes the space unpleasant for me in some way i’ll be distressed and irritated). more like... establishing a home base, i guess? and slowly expanding my comfort zone from there. people, communities, my living space, there will usually be a few that i come back to when i’m too tired or overwhelmed to keep track of everything else.

examples:

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when i’m in a discord server that i want to participate in more than in passing, i’ll usually start by camping out in one channel for a while and ignoring all the others. from there, once i’ve gotten to know people who frequent that channel, feel like they’ve gotten to know me, and feel like i’m Established there, i’ll start expanding out into other channels one or two at a time until i’m familiar with the whole server. it deadass took me half a year to branch out from the vent/mature topics channels in my current main server, and then it took months more for me to catch up to the whole server. if i don’t do it this way i’ll be overwhelmed, eventually get bored, and trip off my feeling-left-out-of-a-community sore spots.

(which is a Thing about using snake secondary to reach out and do new things. sometimes it’s a lot of fun to just go where i feel like and explore! but if a) there’s nothing i can really do without spending money i don’t have, b) i get the side-eye for being Poor and Socially Awkward and Doing Things Weird, c) i don’t happen to be into some anime fandom i don’t care about that everyone else does, and have had zero opportunity to get at least a little invested in it in order to connect with people, d) i get ignored because no one knows me or is invested in the things i contribute; or e) i just plain go past my limits because i didn’t realize going in how much energy i’d be expending on the thing... i get bored, fast. what’s the point? might as well just turn around and go home; at least it’s comfy.)

(badger secondary model?)

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i’m prone to homesickness. i’ve gotten a little better about it over the years, and after moving so many times in such short succession, but it’s really hard to let go of My Territory the more memories and familiarity i’ve built there. it’s super rough on me emotionally from anywhere to a few days to a couple weeks, and any time i think about it, but otherwise i adjust pretty fast to my new surroundings.

(the exception here is when i, well... avoid going out and exploring snake-style, because i don’t want to get attached and then deal with the grief of leaving it behind later on. housing instability trauma sucks, and i’m still struggling to figure out how to deal with that.)

part of that might be having stayed in one place for most of my growing up, but it’s like... pretty easy for me to designate a new place as a home base even if i still miss the old one? idk. even when i have nothing left there, i still think of everywhere i’ve intentionally planted my flag as One of My Places.

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it often takes me a long time to get comfortable with interacting with someone on a regular, friendly basis the closer the space i get to know them in. a lot of people who are now good friends of mine i had to build up my comfort levels with for years. there’s usually a moment of like... ‘oh okay this is our Friendship Unlocked Moment. the dam is broken,’ and even if we go long periods of time without talking a lot in private i don’t feel anxious and suffocated when we do. sometimes the Friendship Unlocked moment is one thing that happens all at once, and sometimes it’s several things over a long period of time until the scale tips for good. this is one reason i get cagey about initiating those friendship moments too directly sometimes, just because i know i might need to pull back and have space for a while again for the friendship to develop, and i don’t want to hurt people’s feelings.

weirdly enough, though, this process tends to be circumvented a lot the more distance there is between me and another person while i’m getting to know them? if i had gotten into the shc community by joining a server i would be way more shy, anxious, and wary, but when most of my potential-friendship-moments interactions with people take place on tumblr where it’s easier to get some space if i need to, it makes it way less uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing to point and go ‘friend! :D’ i’d probably be fine with exchanging discords with most of the people i’ve met on here at this point.

it’s like the difference between meeting people and making friends at a hobby group where you meet once a week, and making friends by having to invite them over to your house every day.

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i’m very much the kind of person who will stick close with the friend who invited me to a party, lmao, or if i’m tagging along on a trip but don’t want to be there (or don’t want to deal with the hassle of finding them again if i wander off). sometimes i’ll jump right into a new situation and start making friends, but i get anxiety pretty easily about making people feel snubbed or left out if i don’t have the time or energy to engage with everything, so often i’ll just fall back on one or two options i’m most familiar with and let everything else pass me by. i used to be the kind of kid/teenager who’d stick so close behind people on public outings that i’d constantly be bumping into them by accident. (once again, if i didn’t want to be there, wasn’t allowed to go do my own thing, or was--in hindsight--dissociating.)

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just... hm. thoughts? to me this sounds like either snakey, badgery rapidfire bird, or birdy, badgery snake who uses the other two to cover for social awkwardness/feelings of alienation/lack of time or energy/depression from my burned snake. or shit, maybe it’s badger all along, who knows.

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pinolitas · 2 years

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what got you into running + what motivates you to keep doing it? i am really interested in starting but i don’t really know where to start tbh … so i thought i could just ask a pro!

my sister! she did cross country in hs and I just wanted to be like her and I immediately loved it and made my own friends once I joined!! the thing I loved the most in hs was that we grouped up with people who ran at a similar pace so we kept each other motivated and also had a reason to make friends lol

once I graduated, for a while I didn't want to run on my own bc I was so used to running in a group and seeing my friends was my biggest motivator but I'm at a point now where I can just tell myself to go out for any amount of time and be happy with that and get the endorphins and still call myself a runner lol

idk what keeps me motivated now I just like it and go when I want for however long and whenever I feel anxious or angry or just general shit I love to go on a run and come back refreshed. kinda like a shower but better idk it's actual serotonin and endorphins i can't explain but it is probably explainable. idk if i actually have goals now i just go for the fun of it but if i feel good ill stretch out for a longer time than usual and it feels good to have achieved it when i didnt actually plan to lol

new year new anon!!!! im glad youre getting into running i feel like its the best thing that ever happened to me. feels like shit at first but its so good for you mentally and physically! youre doing good by asking questions! so where to start is actually a lot of info:

like with anything else the hardest part is starting!! make it a habit to go on a run like twice a week and build up to doing either more days or more time. your first few days will be tiring if you're not used to expending that kind of energy so it's okay if you don't meet whatever goal you set for yourself! just listen to your body and rest when it's tired and eat when it's hungry. and walking is okay too! I actually always take a break at my half way point and walk around for like 3 min or however long it takes for my heart rate to settle and then run back.

here's a list for your first run:

1. eat (hopefully carbs)

2. digest (like an hr at least)

3. warm up/dynamic stretching (do some leg swings, high knees, butt kicks, etc anything that gets your heart rate up and your muscles loose) this is something I used to skip unless I ran with a group but I have found it does in fact make a difference bc now you actually feel the energy and you do in fact get less injuries like this

4. run with goals that make sense. make it to the end of the block or make it to the baseball field at the park or the next stoplight or one lap around the track whatever it is that makes sense to you and is an achievable distance to you specifically. and these are goals you can make up as you go along and start figuring out how much you can handle. running distances feel different from driving distances so don't worry about making a certain mileage and just shoot for running 5-10 minutes and then turn around. a 10 minute run is an easy goal for a first run but I think you can do 15 or 20 if you take breaks and walk in between!

5. hydrate. I mean hydrate before also but not too much bc then ur tummy gets swishy and sometimes I get stitch in my side from it lol most of my water drinking happens after but that's just me

6. static stretching! honestly maybe even follow a yoga video on YouTube. this is to prevent injury and soreness you will still feel sore the next day but not as badly if you stretch lol

7. lay down or sit on the floor. I feel too stinky to be anywhere that isn't the floor but I also don't want to shower yet so just be on the floor. it's good. feels good.

last thoughts on a couple of things: imo a watch with a stopwatch is better than a phone but you can also just get one of those arm strap things for your phone if you prefer and also if you want to listen to music while you run. get shoes meant for running! Mizuno, ASICS, Brooks (Brooks Ghost my beloved) are some brands I can think of that are good brands I've worn. you can prevent injuries with some proper shoes tho it can get pricey :/ I pull all the stops and go to a running store that does a foot scan and gait analysis bc it's fun and I run a lot but you don't need to do all that just go to any athletic store and try on some shoes and walk around do a lil jog in them I don't suggest buying them online bc it is good to feel them before you buy

AND LASTLY! EAT LOTS!! YOU'RE USING UP A LOT OF ENERGY HERE YOU GOTTA GET IT BACK SOMEHOW!

bananas are so good for you if you have a sensitive tummy or are short on time for food beforehand but please eat something anything before and after. food is love and everything and its especially wonderful to run while someone is cooking and arrive to some fresh food this is a hack to truly appreciate someones cooking also so i love it

#and yes I still go on 10-15 min runs!#any amount of time spent running is good time!#I loved writing this sorry if it's a lot hehe #running

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insane-mane · 3 years

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Did you see the new video of The Ink Tank's version of the Negative Ten?

I really enjoy this new take!

The lineup feels much more balanced, and adding a few characters that I never really considered returning was a neat creative decision that adds something extra to the ensemble, makes it feel larger.

The fact the circus freaks were originally added didn’t feel like a lot of variety was there, so an actual zombified Zombozo woulda been way more neat! Excluding Sublimino made sense, he was only good for about…two things, and half the time I forget he’s even there. Definitely more of a B villain. Kane North is an odd, yet way more effective substitute in comparison.

Viktor and Camille’s Ex’s inclusion were almost a shock, since the Forever Knights have a big anti-alien thing going on. But hey, they’re no strangers to taking alien tech and using it for themselves, why not throw in alien labor in there as well, viewing them as expendable (especially Logan since he ends up dying anyway).

Kevin seems like a no brainer, being one of Ben’s main big bads. The collar idea is very intriguing, and gives Kev a reason to follow Driscoll’s orders (aside from the insanity part). He prob could’ve stolen his own Null Void Projector, but then we wouldn’t have that brief moment between him and Gwen, adding to future events. Either way, really neat addition even if he’s not fully himself.

Reinventing others like Rojo is so simple yet changes things in such a neat way, explaining why she’s there and how she has new armor instead of just a throw away line, and acknowledging how she’s still semi-infused with alien tech! As much as I love the Forever Ninja, having her take the place of a non-speaking character with no personality makes sense. She def would’ve made an interesting foil for Cooper, with him overcoming her by using his abilities but still being limited before the climax.

Having the story also give a better introduction to Cooper is a WAAAAY better subplot than…the typical Ben and Gwen bickering (over a movie ticket no less). Makes things feel more interesting. I really love the “hearing aid” aspect, and his eventual mastery of his technological abilities by making an amalgamated suit. Gives sooo much more to the character here and makes his return even more neat by seeing his progression w/o the use of the goggles.

Driscoll staying in the shadows til the final fight really adds more to his master planner vibe, orchestrating everything and waiting for the right moment to finally use the sub energy, adding to the grand feeling this special has and actually living up to Max’s talk about it. Having him similar to Servantis by viewing Ben as a threat than just a minor inconvenience really creates a better build up than what was sorta loosely put together. Hell, you could say Servantis, while not on the same side as Driscoll wholesale, was at least in agreement that Ben is still a major threat. Could help tie everything together that way idk I’m spitballing if anything. Side note: 100% agree it was weird how Driscoll showed up and Enoch left in the dust. Honestly would’ve just kept Enoch as the Forever King, myself.

Finally, having Ben cycle through his aliens in order to get a new one is great, and having them be Feedback would’ve blown me away as a kid! Love how you wanted to tie everything together into later canon with this, it definitely lead to what coulda been an even cooler special had they originally had the hindsight of the franchise to their knowledge. This would’ve been a masterful way to help things feel interwoven perfectly.

Whether you think it makes for a better ending to the show depends on where you put it, I personally think it’d fit before SOTO, as this would’ve be a *really* fun romp before getting into the higher stakes of universal destruction.

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jngles · 3 years

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Thoughts You Definitely All Asked For on ‘The Mandalorian’ Season 2 Finale!!

These are in chronological order for the show.

One of my biggest fears about them reintroducing Boba Fett was that by removing some of his mystery, they would make him less cool. Thank god that has not been the case. He’s still an aloof and nasty piece of work but with dimensions added.

We all know the Empire is most often a metaphor for America right? At least when it’s not being Nazi Germany? The Imperial pilot talking about destroying an entire planet (of peaceful weaponless civilians no less) to stop terrorism hits a little too close to home of the nuclear bombs the US has dropped and the endless destruction of the Middle East in the “war against terror.” And of course we frame all our wars in similar language like “our troops died to keep our country safe,” which hasn’t really been true since WWII.

I do think it’s worth noting that this is the first time SW has had someone acknowledge the human losses of the Death Star blasts. Usually it’s framed as a loss in construction time, strategical advantage, and power. The Empire proved time and time again that the lives of its soldiers were utterly expendable, which always made me question why people remained loyal outside of fear. Through this pilot’s phrasing, you can see the propaganda Imperial superiors used to twist the truth to their followers, always blaming those deaths on Rebel aggression instead of prideful Imperial neglect (I.e. not abandoning ship when there was still time) or even direct Imperial aggression like Operation Cinder where they fired on thousands of their own (discussed in S2E7.)

You can’t tell me Din wasn’t into it when Cara shot that asshole pilot. That cold faced revenge shot? 100% Mandalorian style, and also very very hot.

I appreciate that it was a pretty equal match between Boba and Koska Reeves. So much of Boba’s advantage comes from his suit, but since she also has one, it’s a battle of wits on how to use it, and they even out. This both maintains his legendary badassery and also that of highly trained Mandalorian warriors, and hopefully avoids asshole chauvinist SW fans on the internet complaining abujt “pandering to feminism” (fuck off @ all of them, especially since Mercedes Vernado who plays Reeves is a WWE champ and could kick all of your asses.)

Din point blank asked how many Death Troopers there are and Dr. Pershing never answered, and that annoys me.

Why is no one suspicious why Dr. Pershing is being so helpful and revealing so much information? He totally did not have to tell them about the Dark Troopers or any of the specifics of locations on the ship. He’s still with the empire post-fall, implying he’s a loyalist, so... wtf on his part (since no tricks come of it), and “be smarter” on the part of everyone else. Unless he’s been captive as a clone engineer all this time. But couldn’t he have made his escape back in Season 1 when Din killed everyone at that lab to get the kid back?

Bo Katan really could’ve just told them how the retrieval of the dark saber needs to work in the flight before the mission instead of being vague about “he belongs to me.”

Boba Fett’s usage of “Princess” and “don’t worry about me” are a good throwback to Han Solo and the culture they both grew up in. You can never quite tell if it’s based in misogyny or resentment for upper classes, but both of them seem to use it as a shield for begrudging respect they hold for a woman they think is brave but following a fool’s errand (the Rebellion and retaking Mandalore).

The Comms Officer (Katy O’Brian) assisting Moff Gideon will forever and always look like Ilana Glazer to me, and then I get swept up imagining what would happen if the Broad City cast accidentally got transported to Star Wars.

The launch tube sequence has some amazing cinematography.

The second I saw Boba was cut off from the pack, I really thought they were going to kill him again and make his return bittersweet. Glad they didn’t.

God this team of Bo Katan, Koska Reeves, Fennec Shand, and Cara Dune is SO BADASS. I’m just obsessed with all these characters and their various motivations to get shit done. I honestly didn’t even think about the fact it’s all women until my re-watch, showing that the writers made it feel natural, the way women deserve to have their representation done. You can bet I am SO EXCITED for my future daughter and the wealth of possibilities she’s going to have of characters to play pretend as, action figures she can relate to, Halloween costumes to wear, etc. It’s so validating that we’ve gone from only Princess Leia as a female main character to all these women + Rey, Jyn Erso, Ahsoka, etc. etc.

Can’t wait for the trap remix of the Dark Trooper activation noises. (And the transition from that to the minimalist flute theme is perfect.)

The spy movie version of the main theme music is sick.

The Dark Trooper droid faces have a lot of similarity to Darth Vader’s mask. That callback is especially apparent when the one is literally lit from the inside with fire. He was already a martyr/legend to the Imperial remnants, Kylo Ren didn’t start the trend of ignoring his redemption.

Cara’s “excuse me” right before shooting up Stormtroopers is hilarious. Literally “can’t talk rn, doing hot girl shit and murdering space Nazis.”

Finally an Imperial ship got some frickin security cameras. Truly- the amount of times people just wander down hallways they’re not supposed to be in with no one being able to find them throughout the course of Star Wars is ridiculous when you think about the degree of surveillance our real life society carries out. I also love that this means The Mandalorian characters have also seen The Mandalorian.

The storytelling does such a service to Pedro Pascal and his already heroic efforts to portray emotion through a helmet. For example: Din easily could’ve killed the one stormtrooper outside Grogu’s cell much more efficiently, but instead, to show his absolute rage, they wrote in Din choking him out with a spear.

Moff Gideon would have been the BIGGEST pain in the ass in philosophy class. “Assume I know everything” my ass. I want to hear about his backstory (he would’ve been “coming of age” at the time of the Clone Wars) mostly just to hear about him getting bullied at school.

Smart move honestly, to try to tempt Din with the Mandalorian throne, given the Mandalorian power struggles of the past. Proud of our boy for keeping his priorities straight.

So has the blood from Grogu been transferred out of the ship and back to the remnant empire already, or do they have to find a new “donor” to help with building Snoke and Palpatine’s clones? Will they continue to go after him with Luke?

Lmao Din being so annoyed by Bo Katan being stringent about the tradition of winning the Dark Saber through combat is HILARIOUS, coming from a man who up until like a day ago hadn’t shown his face to a living being in decades.

The dark troopers can punch in blast doors but NOT Din’s helmet?? That’s a wild testament to beskar. Somehow that’s the comparison that sticks out to me, more even than its resistance to lightsabers.

This show works because of the cynicism of so many characters adding contrast to the moments of heart. Cara Dune is not a “fan” the way Rey was (for the record I love Rey, don’t come at her, it’s just different). Cara doesn’t see an X-Wing and go OMG THE REBELLION I LOVE THEM. She’s been through too much to believe in the magic saviourism of the “good guys,” and is instead thinking strategically when she, the one Rebel present, brushes off the usefulness of “one X-Wing.” The only positive things she seems to feel in battle situations are moments of relief and brief satisfaction in hurting the empire, with a dark knowledge that it will never make up for the hurt they did to her.

How do you keep a cloak hood on while fighting? Both from a technical standpoint (my hats fall off without me even having to move- is he expending force energy just to keep it on and look cool lol?) and also because idk, maybe it’s just me, but peripheral vision is helpful when surrounded by killer robots on a thin bridge above oblivion. I know his first lesson was to “see” through the force, but every resource helps, right?

Now that she has the ship, I wonder if Bo Katan can reprogram any salvageable Dark Troopers to help with retaking Mandalore?

There is nothing like seeing Luke’s fighting style, with its efficient choppiness and twinge of darkness. I always wonder how much is natural and how much is influenced by his first fights with Vader (that Skywalker diva flair). I love how they’ve advanced his technique but also kept him extremely “grey” here- like to straight up COMBUST a Dark Trooper takes some violent energy lol.

How tf is Moff Gideon alive after threatening Grogu’s life twice directly? That’s a wild testament to Din’s regard for Cara.

I love how seeing Luke slice through a bunch of murder droids like butter probably was a huge point in his favor for Din actually letting Grogu go with him. Like he will only send his child to boarding preschool if he knows the teacher will be a certified killing machine.

Oh my god they finally brought in some OG Star Wars theme music for Luke to take his hood off to 😭 It felt weird seeing him fight to different music, so the emotional payoff is huge when his themes come back for the face reveal.

Whoever added the digital young Mark Hamill face NAILED those classic shining Luke eyes and the earnest eyebrow lift.

Whoever shines the glass of Baby Yoda’s lil puppet eyeballs each day deserves a raise. The light caught in those babies is devastating.

Din is shaking as he takes off his helmet. This is the most enormous show of love he could give him, and possibly the last he’ll be able to for a long time. He only just got Grogu back and is desperate for a moment of real connection before letting him go once again.

This is the first time anyone has touched Din’s face since... likely his parents as a child.

Whoever wrote this scene clearly actually has kids. Anyone who’s ever had to leave a young child even just to go out for a bit or to drop them off somewhere knows that heartbreak of seeing them look in your eyes and hold on to your leg, trying to keep you with them. Especially when they can sense your mutual separation anxiety. The one thing that starts to make them feel better is something fun like a new toy or friend who can be their guide in the new environment, and R2’s friendly introduction is exactly that (since digital Luke isn’t being particularly emotive or child friendly... I hope that’s just because he’s reaching into Grogu’s mind while also keeping an eye on the multiple people with guns trained on him, not because he’s going to be totally unfeeling raising this kid.)

I love that Grogu and R2 are immediately buddies in contrast to Episode 5 when R2 was like “fuck this guy” @ Yoda stealing food and hitting him with a walking stick lol. I would imagine Luke must be reminded of that first introduction too and entertained by this display of playfulness in a *positive* light between R2 and mini-Yoda.

I need to know if Luke and Ahsoka have met- it is KILLING ME.

Does this mean Grogu will get killed by Kylo Ren when he fucks up Luke’s academy??? I will reincarnate Ben just to kill him again if that’s the case.

How does Luke not even fully SMILE at Grogu?? An adorable little baby version of his beloved master Yoda, and you’re telling me he doesn’t have the same heart stopping gasp we all did when we first saw him?? Maybe he did when they first connected through the force. He has a bit of bemusement on his face, and also wonder in his eyes, but I want a grin of recognition and welcome, dammit.

I really wish Luke had somehow acknowledged Cara Dune. Everyone else seems to see the tear drop Rebel sign and know it means Alderaan. He could’ve been like yo I have a badass warrior sister from your planet that you should meet. Or just “thank you for your service.” (I know this actually wouldn’t have been cinematically good but my heart wants it.)

Luke didn’t tell Din his name?? Or ask for any details about the kid and his care?? I could literally never let my kid go with someone, regardless of how worthy, and not be like, “Excuse me sir who are you and where tf are you taking my tiny beloved green goblin in case I need to find him? Here is my contact info. He likes to eat frogs and eggs, and he can have macarons as a treat. He’s 50 years old and his favorite toy is still a ball. Bedtime is 8pm and he’s allergic to dairy.”

Another reason I wish Luke had identified himself would be to see the mishmash of reactions that would ensue. Cara would be like DAMN IT’S THAT GUY WHO BLEW UP THE DEATH STAR AND KILLED THE EMPEROR, ACT COOL (and she would indeed act cool). Fennec would be like ugh it’s that guy who helped kill my best paying client Jabba the Hutt and then fucked over my boss Boba, I helped save the kid for THIS? And I would LOVE to know how Bo Katan feels about him, assuming she’s heard of him, and especially if she knows he’s Anakin Skywalker’s son. That confusion is probably the reason WHY the writers didn’t have him reveal himself- they didn’t want to break the emotion of the scene.

Let‘s all be real I’m just being needy about wanting things from Luke because of what he meant to me as a kid and my resulting innate need to have more canon of him, whatever it is, whenever I can get it. Especially in this form that’s so similar to ROTJ, a movie I watched on endless repeat. Even getting this was incredible though. Who else could we trust this lil heart-stealing green bean with so fully? Yet who would be so arrogant as to try to train a baby yodling (see: Ahsoka’s wise refusal)?

R2 is reckless as hell lmao. Not that we don’t already know that, but for him to just head on in, effectively abandoning Luke’s ship (how can they know if there are more troopers or not who might blow it up?) and also putting himself in the path of the ridiculously deadly Dark Troopers is NUTS. I’m usually on his side but he absolutely deserves a scolding by C3PO for this one.

I wonder if Grogu has any memories of R2 or vice versa since they did occupy the Jedi Temple at the same time. Can Grogu understand droids? They could swap stories about mutual acquaintances.

Does Din pretty much have to go with Bo Katan now since a) he’s shown his face and may not be able to go back to the Watch, and b) because he has the darksaber and has to figure out how to get it back to her without dying?

How in the hell did Bib Fortuna (whose chins age was not kind to) go from being butler to being boss? Were all the henchmen just like, “Fuck yeah, no Hutt parents no rules, let’s do what we want!!” And then they’ve spent the last ten years living off of whatever money they could salvage from Jabba’s non-banked wealth? Why has no one challenged them for that prime real estate and loot? I would love to hear that story.

Fennec Shand says “respect sex workers” so you better fuckin’ do it.

Idk dude Bib Fortuna really was a good butler, and he seemed pretty willing to comply with whoever’s in power. Did he screw Boba over in his attempt to return from the dead and earn that killing shot somehow? Or was this to make sure there was no one left who would have a claim to loyalty? Or maybe Boba just really wanted to sit in that chair.

Does “The Book of Boba Fett” mean we’re not on Din Djarin’s story anymore? Or is it a new show? I would much prefer the latter. I want to see Din help retake Mandalore or at least get a hug.

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musashi · 3 years

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honestly... i feel bad for that anon that was angry about the trailer. like, full disclosure here: back around when swsh was announced and being released, i was one of those people who was really jaded and bitter and angry about things. i reblogged stuff like a slight frame drop in the demo and posts about the reduced dex and posts talking about the dlc and was just... constantly angry and bitter and disappointed.

and, honestly? it was miserable!

i"ve grown up with pokemon, like many of the people who probably follow you, wendy, like you yourself. my first kin experience was seeing the episode of ash in the snowstorm in kanto and feeling this strong sense of i've been there. pokemon is everything to me, it was my first special interest and it's always been there for me even in my lowest points.

so being constantly angry about it was just... bad. it was painful, almost, sitting there and feeling so much vitriol over something that used to bring me so much happiness! it hurt, and i was just... perpetuating this cycle of misery.

then, the games came out. and i remember seeing people liveblogging the game. and... none of the things i was so angry about were ever mentioned! i remember seeing your liveblog especially, wendy, and just... being gripped. my two favorite pokemon, zubat and zorua, weren't in swsh initially. and i was upset about that, i'll admit. i was one of the people saying things like "how could they keep [pokemon] in, and not keep [other pokemon]!"

but when i saw how happy you were that wobbuffet was in the game? when i saw you fall in love with your team, enjoy the experience of playing through a brand new experience in the world you and i both love? i'll admit, i felt kind of jealous. like, how come you could be so happy about this game? how come you could get so much enjoyment, while i was just miserable?

what sealed it was when my partner got the game. they immediately fell in love. i've always been the one more invested in pokemon than them, but i didn't buy the game because of my stupid spite or whatever. but being on call with them as they gasped over every new pokemon, offering them type advice as they got genuinely invested in the battles... it reminded me what i loved about the series. it reminded me why pokemon is such a part of my life, my identity.

and it showed me how goddamn petty i was being.

i've since bought sword, and played through it multiple times. i don't have the dlc yet, but that's just due to a lack of time; i only wanna buy it when i have the time to truly play through it and enjoy it. i've rediscovered the joy in pokemon and, while i do still have some things i wish were different about both swsh and the trailers we saw, any disgruntled feeling i might have is drowned out by the feeling of NEW POKEMON GAME!! the sheer excitement at getting to have another adventure in this world that's more than a home to me.

so i just... feel bad for that anon. i know how miserable it is to be drowned in cynicism and hate, especially regarding something you love so much. and to that anon, i hope you're able to rediscover that joy that the pokemon series no doubt has created in you, and i hope you're able to enjoy these games just as we will.

idk, sorry for rambling, i tend to talk a lot and the mobile app enables me. keep being awesome, wendy, and i can't wait to continue being excited over the skyward sword and diamond pearl remakes alongside you. ~🍄

i feel bad because you typed out this lovely long personal message to me and i don’t have much else to say besides thank you for doing so and i’m happy that you sound a lot happier now sghfslgh!!!!

yeah pokemon’s just one example of it but being hyper critical of anything doesn’t make me happy. even things i really hate, i don’t even really bother thinking about much cause expending that much negative energy when i could just be having fun instead makes me feel like shit. whenever i have a kneejerk reaction to dislike something i try to unpack it and understand why i’m feeling that way and from there i really just like to think of ways to overcome it, view things with more nuance, or just focus on stuff i DO like. i spent too much of my childhood being jaded and bitter and full of hate i just want to stop and smell the flowers now x3

so i v much relate! it’s really funny to me that the anon brought up ORAS because ORAS made a lot of choices (story wise, specifically) that made me furious in ways i’d never been furious before. but at the end of the day it’s hoenn, it’s my home, with my contests, with my pokemon, with the same grand scope of adventure as always. it was the game i had wanted for years and nothing about it that upset me could even hold a candle to all the joy it brought me. it’s so much easier for me to look on the bright side than stew in the negative. i get that people are built different, but i’d just. rather be happy xD

#Anonymous #wendy answers

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sheislearning · 3 years

Text

Sometimes I think something is wrong with my mom.

** this is going to be a really long story, I'm sorry, but I needed to get rid of all of this**

I have been living with a depression (non diagnosed, because I don't have the money to go to a psychologist) for some time now.

The thing is that I've thought about taking my life more than once since being s teenager, but specially this last year (I'm 24 y.o. now).

I haven't done it mostly because of my mom, and also my dad. I don't want to cause them suffering.

Recently I've been really bad into the depression, but at least I could convince my mom that I do have a depression (she thought I was exaggerating before). She's been pushing me to try to focus myself, because I don't have a job (I live in Spain, and here it's really difficult to find s job nowadays, specially if you are young and inexperienced). I'm going to Germany to visit some family and get better at German, and at last to try to find a job there maybe.

Today I told her about trying to buy a skate there to do some exercise and to learn skateboarding, something I've always wanted but were too scared and embarrassed to do (I'm a woman, and idk I just don't look like a teenager, I have a more mature body and somehow it's embarrassing to do skateboarding when I don't look like a teenager, idk why). I asked what did she think about it and she said it wasn't a good idea, that it was not something easy and to focus myself in what is important.

Then I told her that I'd like to maybe go and have some little adventures there, not expensive ones, little ones, but adventures after all. She turned serious and said that I couldn't do that, that I have to think about my future. That I can't expend my family's money in those things.

I understand. I do. The money I have comes from my German family because my mom's a single mom and we don't have any money. But I've been responsible all my life. I didn't go to parties while teenager or in my early 20s, because of money. I haven't traveled at all. I didn't do Erasmus (it's studying at other universities for a semester) because of money. I haven't lived at all. I spent all these years worrying about my future, my future job and the boyfriend I had. Never thought of myself.

And now that I'm burned. That getting up every day is an effort, that I can't focus in anything, that I find difficult to do almost everything that demands some concentration, that I don't even get any pleasure by doing things that I really enjoyed before...

Shouldn't I be able to live a little bit? I really need a reason to live. Seriously. I don't have any. I'm struggling to find something in this world worth living for. Seriously. I'm scared of myself. I'm driving sometimes and I just think that it would be so easy to just turn the steering wheel suddenly and, by that, stop all of this. I sometimes think that I don't have any future, that there's nothing worth this suffering, that I'm not enough and will never be.

And today, when she told me that, what I said before, I answered saying the truth: that I think she doesn't really understand how bad my mental health is, that I've really thought of su*c*de, that I've always been responsible and I think now is my time to just enjoy a little bit. I told her I wasn't too ambitious, I didn't plan on going to a big trip to other countries, as many of my friends have done. I was just talking about going to a city that is 3h from the city my German family live. Maybe staying one night in a cheap hotel or whatever. She still thought I was selfish because I was spending her family's money.

I do understand. But when I started really crying after confessing about wanting to end my life, she came, hugged me and said: focus yourself (basically focus on finding a job/future).

Wtf. I just told you I've thought about ending my life more than once. What the..? Your daughter tells you that and instead of, oh, idk, trying to comfort her and tell her that you are by her side, that you understand, that you are going to help me, that you can try to guide me... You just... Say... Focus? That's it?

And then I squeak something like: focus? Really? That is just like if you said "calm yourself" or "keep calm" to someone in the middle of a anxiety attack. She complains a little and I answered insisting. I go to my bedroom. And she...

She just...

She just keeps watching tv.

Wtf.

Are you fucking serious? Are you a fucking psychopath?

The only reason why I don't k*ll myself is you, damn. And you... You keep watching tv. If I did k*ll myself... Would you still keep watching tv?

I'm trying to stay afloat. I'm grabbing what little force and will and hope I still can have and I'm trying to use it to survive. I'm trying to talk about my feelings, to not keep everything inside me... But she...

I swear I'm trying but sometimes I don't see the point in living. I don't see the point in trying anymore.

I know I look like a lazy person, waking up late, spending my whole day inside my bed, reading... Eating a lot. Sometimes going out with some friends. Laughing every now and then. I know I look ungrateful.

Don't you thing, mom, that I don't feel that? That I don't feel not useful, that I don't feel good enough, clever enough, independent enough, strong enough, beautiful enough, kind enough... Whatever enough? I do.

What you don't see is the lack of everything. I get up late because I don't wanna wake up. I don't wanna be here. I want to be in a world of dreams where I don't have to live any more stress.

You don't see I don't get up early because I go to sleep late because I'm finally feeling something at night reading, after hours trying to feel anything I finally focused enough in my book that I'm actually enjoying it and feeling *something*.

You don't see that spend my whole day in bed because I don't see the point in doing anything, I don't know what to do, or i don't want to see the world, I don't have the energy in me to face it.

You don't see that eating is a way to feel. Eating chocolate sends endorphins into my brain. I don't get many endorphins nowadays anymore. Eating makes me feel something. Eating fills me inside, distracts me, makes me full of something, even if it's just food and not joy.

You don't see that I'm not lazy, I just don't have any motivation. I burned out. I kept burning through the last years. I gave everything in me.

I know I'm not the most responsible person or the most active one, I am not saying I'm not lazy at all. But it's not why I'm in bed.

I'm sorry, mom. I don't know how to say this. And you won't understand me anyway, because you are too fucking proud to see it. But you have never really supported me.

I know you shouldn't live for your kids, you shouldn't give all of yourself to them, you are your own entity, you have a life of your own. But I've never felt you by my side.

When I kept asking you through all my childhood to stop smoking, or at least stop smoking infront of me? You didn't give a fuck. You kept smoking your filthy cigars/whatever in front of me, you didn't give a shit about my health. Not even when Opa died of lung cancer. I begged you more than once. That was something important for me. You said I was wrong when I said that smoking was more important for you than I was, but that's what you showed me. And actions speak louder than words.

When I was lost and didn't know what to study at university? You said you supported me. But supporting is also guiding sometimes. And I was truly lost. You said you talked to me about it, but you are wrong. You never researched with me, never spent hours looking for different career paths, subjects, possible jobs,... You didn't. You said you didn't know about how it worked. I didn't either. But I had you do it by myself. I was 17yo. You were 49yo. I needed a guide to support me. You weren't there.

I'm sorry, that was wrong. You were there. You were there to give judgement when I failed at my first year at university. To say: I told you so, that wasn't the degree for you. And then pushed to the degree you wanted for me. Did you ever researched a little about what future I could have studying that here in Spain? Should I say it? No, you didn't. What future do I have here? None, apparently.

When I finished my degree...where you there to help me finding a job? Creating a curriculum? Finding courses or something? No, I'm sorry but you were not there. I know I didn't ask for help. That was my mistake, I just wanted to be strong and show you I could do it. But I was so lost. You told me once that you couldn't have helped me anyway because you didn't really know how to find jobs, because you've had the same job for forever. Do you think I knew how to do all that? I didn't. But you could have spent some time researching with me, guiding me with whatever experience you had.

I'm really sorry, but you've supported me with words, and not even that sometimes. You complain that I don't enjoy spending time with you, but have you wondered why? Maybe because I feel that I have to demonstrate something to you, because when I'm not strong enough you remind me of it, instead of supporting me. Not just with words that usually feel more like judgment than support. But with actions. Because actions speak louder than words.

And you know what would have spoken loud? Maybe renouncing to your smoking or maybe to cut some other fun expenses to maybe pay for an hour with a psychologist once a month (that like 50/60€) to save your daughter's life. Don't you think so? I'm not trying to attack you or judge you, but it's what I feel.

That being said... Guys, if you feel something similar to what I do, speaking about depression, ask you help, in any way possible. I hope you'll get more help than I do.

#actions speak louder than words #heartbreak #lost #relatable #feelings #i'm fine #mental illness #mentally ill #mentally unstable #numb #love #mom #suicide

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