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starwarspilotstournament · 9 months

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As I begin work on making the bracket for the Star Wars Pilots Tournament, there are unfortunately many characters that will not make it into the showdown. These characters were submitted very late in the game and/or only got one submission each, so they are sadly not eligible.

So, ladies, gentlemen, and all other associations of being, I invite you to join me in raising a glass to those pilots who simply did not qualify.

Dak Ralter (The Empire Strikes Back)

Submitted propaganda: Look he's not really piloting and also he dies in his only scene but I love him

2. Col "Fake Wedge" Takbright (A New Hope)

Submitted propaganda: Totally would have kicked ass in the Battle of Yavin if he had been there

3. Thane Kyrell (Lost Stars)

Submitted propaganda: An ex-Imperial who defected and fought in the Rebellion, including the battle of Hoth, Endor and Jakku. He’s also in a very beautiful romance story with his childhood friend and Imperial pilot Ciena Ree

4. Oddball (Clone Wars/Revenge of the Sith)

Submitted propaganda: none :(

5. Greez Dritus (Jedi Fallen Order/Survivor)

Submitted propaganda: none :(

6. Jarek Yeager (Star Wars Resistance)

Submitted propaganda: Rebellion pilot who fought in the Battle of Jakku! Became a racer after the Empire fell but quit after his brother cheating in a race led to an explosion that killed his family. Moved to an out of the way fueling station and decided to run a mechanic's shop instead of piloting. He's drawn back into flying by Kaz when the First Order rises, and becomes a squadron leader/teacher for the next generation of pilots.

7. Venisa Doza (Star Wars Resistance)

Submitted propaganda: Badass Rebellion pilot who convinced her future husband to defect from the Empire! When the First Order started to rise she immediately joined the Resistance to fight them. Awesome pilot and really good at convincing Imperials/First Order people to defect.

8. Mara Jade Skywalker (Thrawn trilogy)

Submitted propaganda: none :(

9. Ooryl Qrygg (Rogue Squadron)

Submitted propaganda: Ooryl is unique in what his contributions mean to his people. There are very few Gand in the Lore but Ooryl qualifies for Rogue Squadron, the best pilots of the New Republic. He also arcs to earn the right to use "I" pronouns, which is extended only to Gand who are famous enough to be known to literally every Gand that exists.

10. Garik "Face" Loran (X Wing - Wraith Squadron)

Submitted propaganda: none :(

11. Myn Donos (Wraith Squadron)

Submitted propaganda: Pulled off a nearly impossible rescue (ultimately failed as the other pilot was unconscious and unable to aid) and was the only surviving member of [???]

12. Wes Janson (Rogue Squadron + Wraith Squadron)

Submitted propaganda: none :(

13. Derek "Hobbie" Klivian (Rogue Squadron + Wraith Squadron)

Submitted propaganda: none :(

14. Nawara Ven (Rogue Squadron)

Submitted propaganda: none :(

15. Temmin "Snap" Wexley (Sequel trilogy and Aftermath trilogy)

Submitted propaganda: none :(

16. Kazuda Xiono (Star Wars Resistance)

Submitted propaganda: Resistance pilot who joins the Resistance because he wants to make a difference against the First Order and the New Republic isn't doing anything. Very good combat pilot and much more graceful in the air than he is on the ground.

17. Torra Doza (Star Wars Resistance)

Submitted propaganda: 15 year old racing pilot! Learned how to fly from her mom. Super good at flying and clearly has a lot of fun flying also.

18. Hype Fazon (Star Wars Resistance)

Submitted propaganda: Super good race pilot who has to adjust to being a combat pilot when the First Order rises. Has a tendency to run from things that frighten him at first (the First Order, added responsibility, growth) but always comes back at the end. Also is delightfully cocky about his piloting skills.

19. Isabella Garcia-Shapiro / "Pilot Isabella" (Phineas and Ferb/Star Wars crossover)

Submitted propaganda: Okay so she’s the Han Solo of the episode despite Han also being in that, but also I just think this is the funniest technically legal submission I could do I’m not a Star Wars fan <3

20. that one ufuck (???)

Submitted propaganda: hhrrhhhghgngnhghghggngnghg i hve no fucking clue what any of this means im delirious right now im not even a star wars fan either

Believe me, y'all, I am as upset as you are over some of these not making it in. However, I made the rules and I would just be a hypocrite if I didn't follow them.

BUT stay tuned for the actual bracket with the 32 characters who DID make it in!

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queenofalpaca · 1 month

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Now that I’ve reblogged all the art posts and am taking a moment to have dinner, I guess I should hype up my own anniversary fic 😂

Go read it! It’s got good angst (according to people who insist my angst writing skills are better than I think they are), my own spin on hanahaki, and SpyScrapper. What more could you ask for?

Oh, also go check out @voidcat-senket ‘s Anniversary Event. There’s so much cool stuff to find 🩵

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55366753

Roots in Place of my Heart (8848 words) by Crimson_Crystal

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order Series (Video Games)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Bode Akuna/Tayala Akuna, Bode Akuna/Cal Kestis

Characters: Bode Akuna, Cal Kestis, Eno Cordova, Merrin (Star Wars), Greez Dritus, Cere Junda, BD-1 (Star Wars)

Additional Tags: Hanahaki Disease, with my own twist on it, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Body Horror, Love Confessions, Pretending you’re fine even though you’re very much not, Grief/Mourning

Summary: When Bode saw the date, he had to swallow down a mix of blood and bile.

There’s something growing in Bode’s chest, filling out the space that was left vacated when Tayala died and took his heart with her. They say the only cure to grief is life.

Or death.

#bode akuna #cal kestis #spyscrapper #jedi survivor #my fics #anniversary

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ao3feed-rebelcaptain2 · 11 months

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Cabin Fever

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/t4STl9o

by BumbleHumbleBee

“It happened again,” she comments.

“When you’re not using those tools, put them away!”

“I’m still using them! Watch where you’re walking, maybe?!”

“And it’s going to keep happening,” Cassian sighs. “We need to fix this.”

“Uh, don’t you mean you need to fix this, Captain?” She opens her eyes to grin at him playfully, loving the incredulous look he’s throwing at her.

“Why me?”

“Because it’s exactly as I said, you’re the Captain!”

It isn't easy living as a crew in such close quarters on missions. Jyn and Cassian just want some private time, is that so much to ask? It's time to buy a new ship...

Words: 4306, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Characters: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso, Bodhi Rook, Ruescott Melshi, K-2SO (Star Wars), Baze Malbus, Chirrut Îmwe, Greez Dritus

Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso

Additional Tags: Romance, Humor, Established Relationship, Found Family, Crew as Family, Post-Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Jyn and Cassian just want some damn space, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Quickies, Semi-Public Sex

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/t4STl9o

#ao3feed #rebelcaptain #rebel captain #jyn x cassian #cassian x jyn #rebelcaptain fanfic #jynxcassian

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bejeweled-jyn · 11 months

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/48693679

Fandom: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order Series (Video Games), Star Wars - All Media Types

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Cal Kestis/Merrin

Characters: Cal Kestis, Merrin (Star Wars), Cere Junda, Greez Dritus, BD-1 (Star Wars), Fluff - Character

Additional Tags: Fluff, Canon Universe, Mantis Crew (Star Wars), Nightsister Magic | Dathomir Magic (Star Wars), Nightsisters (Star Wars), The Force, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Body Swap, Alternate Universe - Freaky Friday Fusion, Magick caused mayhem, Force Bond (Star Wars), Eventual Romance, One Shot, Inspired by Freaky Friday (2003), they are both so clueless, Embarrassment

Summary:

Merrin is practicing her Magick when a ritual goes haywire and Merrin and Cal have found themselves in each others body.

“Merrin, is that you? Am I in your body? What did you do to us?” He had so many questions and couldn’t stop asking them.

“Cal?” She felt like she was whispering his name. “..yes, it’s me Merrin!” She was examining her new body like he had examined his own.

“I don’t understand, that wasn’t supposed to happen, something must have went wrong.”

Freaky Friday AU where Magick causes a little mayhem

#merrical #cal kestis x merrin #merrin #cal x merrin #nightsister merrin #cal kestis #star wars jfo #star wars jedi survivor #star wars jedi fallen order #ao3 link

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droidrights · 1 year

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So.............? Did you get it? 👀🫢😏 Any initial thoughts? 😱

I did!

I did get it and I guess I’m about halfway through and…..I don’t want to be overly critical because I’m not done and I’m waiting for it to really blossom yknow?

Without hitting the nail to precisely on the head tho… should I be waiting for a book to blossom halfway through it?

I’m not so sure!

I will say however that I love an angry vengeful Merrin, that’s my shit honestly.

I also am very used to a certain version of Cal from a certain fan made fictional series 😏where he is how we say “a piece of garbage” so I am pleasantly thrown when I am reminded what a golden retriever he actually is.

Greez asked him if he would have wanted to be born a jedi if he had been given the choice and cal literally says “well, it led me to Greez Dritus, didn’t it? So how could I not?”

And I clutched the book to my chest and whispered “baaaabbbyyyy 🥹😭😩” on the subway so there’s that.

Ultimately the jury is still out! I’ll update again as I get further in

#always ask #jedi battlescars #cal kestis #nightsister merrin #anonymous

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duck-noises · 7 months

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Art n' stuff

instagram & twitter(very inactive)

God of war

Kratos

DAYMNN

Kratos flexing his big beautiful muscles

Kratos x Atreus of sparta

Kratos and AOS goin' for a little stroll

First meeting

Kratos & Atreus meet Sindri for the first time

The Sun

Atreus

Pov: you’re Angrboða

PLEASE GET HIM SOME BROWN CONTACTS, I'M SHAKING IN TERROR (i don't even remember making this)

weird baby costumes

ft. Mimir & Kratos

First meeting

Kratos & Atreus meet Sindri for the first time

Missing that silly little white boy :(

An edit ft. Brok and Kratos

Good soup

taking a rest during an adventure to enjoy some good soup with the brothers

Lovers rock

The song by tv girl is so Atreboda coded

Mimir

Mimir in a kilt

6 different colours. yellow (original), green, dark blue, purple, teal and red

Wip for the kilt

DON'T LOOK AT THE FRONT FACING HOOVES PLEASE, I'M STILL EMBARRASSED

Portrait

Digital (i’ll figure out a name later)

Portrait

Traditional

Sindri

Blacksmith

A portrait. i think, i don't know (the beard tho 😍)

Resurrection

After resurrecting Brok, Sindri has a not so nice soak as he thinks about the events that have occurred, and he come to the realization that he will never be able to feel clean ever again.

Western au

Pretty much a shoemaker, farrier and a blacksmith all in one

Old man pajamas

Self explanatory

Would he still love you as a roach?

short answer: nah. long answer: he sprays you with raid

First meeting

Kratos & Atreus meet Sindri for the first time

Even a worm will turn.

Even the meekest or most docile of creatures will retaliate or seek revenge if pushed too far.

Good soup

taking a rest during an adventure to enjoy some good soup with Atreus & Brok

Brok

Portrait

He's so pretty (i’ll figure out a name later)

Brok eats ass™️

a nice hat for a silly guy

Crocheted Brok and Brok

Brok with my Christmas gift from my lovely mother (ft. Atreus)

The real way Brok died

he’s just a silly guy, can you really blame him?😁 (ft. Imposter Tyr (or odin in other words))

Good soup

taking a rest during an adventure to enjoy some good soup with Atreus & Sindri

Huginn & Munnin

Silly little guys

i made all 4 of those pretty far apart that you can see the quality kinda take a leap downwards

Eyes of Odin

they see all, they hear all, they know all.

Faye

Candles

not directly said to be about Faye, but it is.

Freya

Happy to see Chaurli

So tiny you’ll need a microscope to see her

Tyr

Cool new hairdos

save me old men with long hair save me

Angrboda

Lovers rock

The song by tv girl is so Atreboda coded

Hildisvíni

Fanart for a very very underrated character

love him sm it’s actually insane

Odin

Ash baby Odin

(we all say in unison)

Star wars

Greez Dritus

My favorite pilot

A portrait (i think, ill figure it out later)

#last updated: 24/05/2 #masterlist #gow 2018 #gow #gow ragnarok #starwars fallen order #tell me if any of the links don’t work/go to the wrong thing

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memoriesoftanalorr · 7 months

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Note: Using some pieces of the summary plot on Wookieepedia and also writing in my own words as well. Just need a little help. I love Dagan so much, he deserves better. And when I thought Cal and Dagan is possible brotp they're becoming enemies. :( I need Cal and Dagan as brotp. Ohh :(

Star Wars Jedi Survivor AU Part Two

What if Dagan Gera getting a redemption arc and joined Mantis crew

When Cal, Merrin and Dagan walked inside the Jedi Temple, they're met with Kata. Cal introduces Merrin and Dagan to her. Kata then said she's sorry that Bode hurting Cal and he replied that Bode said he never sees her again and asking Kata to lead them to Bode, she agrees. When they're faced Bode and talked, despite Merrin and Cal assuring him that Kata will be safe, Bode is beyond reason and crushes the bridge to the atrium with the Force, separating Kata from the lightsaber duel. Dagan threw his lightsaber to Cal and staying with Kata. Bode appears to surrender. As Cal turns his back, Bode lunges at him and puts him in a choke hold, then Force push Kata away while Force choking Merrin. Dagan tries to help, all he could do for a while protecting Kata by standing in front, he was about to use the Force. "Get away from my daughter and better don't move, bacta breath!" Bode screams at Dagan. "Nobody's going to hurt your daughter, you're the one who hurting her now!" Dagan screamed. Cal frees himself and killing Bode by shooting him with a blaster twice.

Later, Merrin checking and talked to Kata as Cal begins to prepare Bode for cremation and burial alongside Cere and Cordova. Cal took his lightsaber and giving Dagan's lightsaber back to him. The crew of the Mantis, now including Kata and Dagan, hold a funeral for the three. Merrin uses her magick to light the funeral pyres and the crew pays their respects. Dagan could hear Santari's voice, telling she has faith in him and that he is on right path. Then Gera leaves with Greez, Kata and Merrin while Cal is the only one left, having stayed by the pyres throughout the night. Cal addresses Cere, acknowledging that she taught him what it truly means to be a Jedi, but worries that he doesn't know how to handle what comes next. Cal hears Cere's voice telling him to guide Kata through the darkness. Satisfied, he leaves the graves behind—along with Cere's lightsaber—in order to begin helping to prepare Tanalorr to host the Hidden Path.

The Mantis crew leaving to Koboh. Though Dagan rather staying at Tanalorr, he agreed to join them. Kata took an interest in gardening, especially pruning, under the guidance of Pili Walde and with the encouragement of Greez Dritus. After a small talk with Cal, Dagan approaching the girl as well. Kata giving him a smile. "I like this planet." "Yes. I like it here too." Dagan make a small smile. "Are you upset?" Kata asked. "Tanalorr was a beautiful planet as well and now it's abandoned." Dagan closed his eyes. "We can fix it, isn't it?" Kata wants to cheer him up by taking his hand. Dagan was surprised by her touch but he made a soft smile. "You're pretty." Kata giggled. "Thank you. You're really pretty too. I heard you singing. It's was wonderful." Dagan smiled to her. "Thanks. I like gardening. Want I teach you too?" Kata smiles. "I guess I'm not as patient as you." Dagan replied. "Don't worry about that. Pili can show you how do this." Kata assured him. "If you want." Dagan replied a bit doubtfully. "Let's go then!" Kata walked towards pulled him along. Cal watched them on the distance with a smile. Then Cal coming to Kata. "Hey, how are you doing?" "I'm fine." Kata said. "Do you like Dagan, aren't you?" Cal asked. "Yes, he's kind to me." Kata replied. "I thought he'll be distant but I guess he's comfortable around you." Cal guessed. "Why you think so?" Kata asked. "Dagan, he's been through a lot." Cal replied. "How do you meet him?" Kata asked. "It's a long story. I'll tell you about that somehow." Cal promised. "Okay." Kata said. A little bonus Sometimes while when Dagan meditated Kata giving him a surprise hug and Dagan making a slight laughter and letting her to lay her head on his lap and telling her stories about Tanalorr and sbout Jedi of High Republic. Kata sleeping cuddling into Cal's shoulder sometimes. Also Kata loving playing with BD-1. Merrin teaching Kata how to dance and combat. Sometimes Dagan and Cal making lightsaber dueling, this time Dagan fighting less meaner and fair with Cal even though he is mocking him when he's fails.

#star wars jedi survivor #dagan gera #cal kestis #nightsister merrin #kata akuna #greez dritus #bode akuna #star wars au #Uncle Dagan vibes please uncle Dagie hehe x3 #bd 1 #santari khri #fluff #cere junda

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ironhoshi · 3 years

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Hey, hey, hey~! I don't know how it happened, but somehow I looked at my follower number and, uh, 700? There are 700 of you out there that have decided to put up with my chaos and I AM TOUCHED! Excuse me while I get emotional for a moment. I started writing fic almost a year ago and it has been a thrilling experience. I have met so many awesome people! This journey has been great and is nowhere near done. Here is to another year of writing and interacting with all of you!!!!

Now, as a present, I have created a one-shot story to celebrate my happiness. Things are still hectic in my life, but this wanted to be written. SO HERE YA ALL GO!

Characters: Boba Fett, Cal Kestis, and Ezra Bridger

Ship: Kesett (I mean...I had to?)

Rating: general (canon typical violence!)

Under the readmore~!

There were two ships, parked side by side out in the canyon, and that was weird. Though he mused while peering through his stolen scope, it was a smart move if they were smugglers. Hidden and out of the way.

Yeah, smugglers or not, he could probably either sell them some of the stuff he had lifted from the Imps or he could just lighten their cargo by questionable means. He had to live and they could just buy more. It would be fine. Ezra lowered the scope and smirked slightly. He had a good feeling about this. He scrambled up from his spot on the ledge while a plan started to formulate in his mind.

It would honestly be easier to just borrow some of their cargo first, then when they were freaking out he could saunter down with some supplies to sell. Haggle the prices higher. Yeah. Good plan. No one thought kids were good at bargaining, but he was. He had lots of practice.

That was exactly why he found himself crawling behind some boulders all so he could get closer to the Firespray-31. The thing clearly had been upgraded, but totally needed a fresh coat of paint or five. Whatever. He just needed to slice past what were probably weak defenses and grab some stuff.

"Easy as catching a loth cat," he muttered before scrambling up so he could bolt towards an access panel. He had waited until he witnessed everyone leave, probably to head to town. Maybe they were going to steal stuff? Yeah, they deserved him swindling them. Anyone that stole from the people of Lothal deserved this.

"Heck, they could be bounty hunters," he said out loud just before prying the access panel free. "Probably up to no good. Honestly? This is mild compared to what I should be doing." His fingers moved quickly while he reworked some of the wiring. Just needed to put the blue one-

A trill informed him that he wanted the green wire. Oh! Right.

He moved the green wire into the yellow port and turned to smile at the small droid that had helped him. "Hey, thanks! Wait a second-" A startled yelp escaped him when he felt a weight at the back of his collar and then his feet were dangling above the ground.

"Looks like I owe you some credits, kid," a gruff voice remarked in what he assumed was amusement. Ezra flailed, attempting to swing his arms behind him to knock the hand holding him free.

"You might get away with calling Cal that, but I am not against removing a limb from you," the modulated voice behind him said. Oh, great. Someone in a helmet had him.

"Boba," another voice called out. Ezra frowned thanks to the strange feeling that washed over him for a mere second. That… that was new and he didn't have time to worry about it. "You owe me too. Now put our guest down before Merrin sees you."

A sound of panic escaped him when he was abruptly dropped. He landed rather ungracefully, his rear smarting from the impact. "Ow, hey! You could have just not dropped me!"

"Mouthy thing. You are either gutsy or just a di'kut-"

"Boba!"

The droid chortled before launching itself at the person stepping out of the shadows of the ship. Red hair, ugly poncho, a smirk. His eyes focused on the scars on that face for a moment and then he was staring into eyes full of mirth. This whole situation was weird. In his eleven years on Lothal, he had never been so confused. Why was this all a giant joke for these people?

"I don't know who you are, but if you mess with me- my Uncle, the-" A loud snort escaped the armored person. Ezra frowned and shot them the best glare he could drum up.

"We aren't going to mess with you. I'm Cal, that's Boba, and that's Greez. This little guy is Beedee." A gloved hand patted the droid like it was a loth cat or something. Why were they giving their names so easily?

"Jabba the Hutt," he blurted out.

The whole area went silent for a moment and then suddenly everyone was laughing.

"Alright, Jabba, come on. Greez almost had food ready before you decided to try to break into the wrong ship," Cal said with a smile.

Wrong ship?

There was a right ship to break into?

"I wasn't-"

"Sure, kid, you were just overriding the ramp controls for no reason," the helmet drawled out.

"Is that what I was doing?" He could sense not a single person in the group bought his sudden act of innocence.

Somehow, despite trying to duck away a few times, he found himself sitting at a table with the strangers. They were inside the S-161 "Stinger" XL luxury yacht, which showed signs of a few battles. He chewed slightly on the tines of the spork while he tried to find every escape route he could from his seat between Boba and Cal. The sudden hiss of a seal breaking had him glancing up at the helmet- except the helmet was being removed. Dark hair was braided back tight on the top to a knot while the sides were extremely short. A sneer appeared on Boba's face. Oh, he had been caught staring.

"I'm too old for you, kid."

What? No! Gross!

Cal choked on his drink and reached over Ezra's head to smack the back of Boba's head. Greez merely sighed while slamming a plate of nerf steaks down in front of them.

"Cut it out. You know how I feel about fighting at my table. I tell you, I try to have a nice ship, but you two just want to ruin her."

An echo of apologies and then someone was shoving a plate of meat and root vegetables in front of him. Ezra raised an eyebrow. He didn't trust it. With great care, he poked the meat with the spork. It certainly acted like freshly cooked food… his stomach reminded him just how hungry he was when it did an impressive mimicry of a loth wolf. No one said a word, but Cal did nudge him slightly. He frowned. This was some sort of trick. It had to be.

"Just kriffing eat it," Boba finally ground out. "We aren't trying to kill you!"

Ezra blinked and opened his mouth to argue, but found a spork shoved into his mouth. Creamy root vegetables invaded his tastebuds. Kinda salty, but there was also a heat he was unaccustomed to. He chewed angrily while Cal sighed.

"Boba, you are the worst." The affection that coated those words made him want to gag, but he didn't want to waste the food in his mouth. It was good.

"Never said I was nice," came the rebuttal.

A sort of silence fell while they all ate. A few words when someone wanted more of something, but otherwise no one tried to fill the silence with useless chatter. Ezra felt a sort of gnawing in his chest. More. He wanted more of this. His grip tightened on the handle of his spork while he wished he could spend more meals with his actual parents. Were they eating well? Were they even still alive? This- this moment wouldn't last. These weirdos would leave and he'd just be… stuck.

It was fine.

He would be fine.

An arm suddenly went around his shoulders and he jumped in surprise. Cal was looking down at him with sadness etched into his features. Ezra blinked. Why did his eyes sting suddenly?

"Hey, it's okay."

"Shut up, of course, it is," he snapped before turning his attention back to his half-finished meal. He so wasn't going to talk about his feelings. He was going to eat his nerf steak and that was that.

Greez cleared his throat awkwardly. "So, how long we planetside this time? I mean you going to finish the repairs fast or…"

The arm around his shoulders tightened slightly. "As long as Cere and Merrin can get the part… we should be gone within the cycle. This place is even more controlled than I thought, the intel was a little out of date. Looks like the factory here is fully operational…"

"We could blow it up," Boba suggested so calmly that Ezra wasn't sure he had heard right at first.

"...there are civilians working there," Cal countered. "We'd need a way to get them all out before you play with your toys."

Wait. What?

He glanced between them with wide eyes. They wanted to hurt the Empire?

"I could help!" No one paid attention to him.

"We do it at night. You can wave your hand and do your thing-"

"Really? You know that's not how it works-"

"I can help," he tried again.

"We could do it tonight," Boba said with a shrug. "A few well-placed bombs and then-" He slapped a hand down on the table hard enough that a few utensils danced erratically. Ezra caught his cup before it could tip over. "I'll take the kid with me. He can help set the bombs."

"Now hang on a second," Cal began to protest.

"Yes," Ezra blurted out. "I can fit in the vents!"

Boba grinned and pointed at Ezra as if that somehow explained something. Ezra had no idea what, but Cal sighed before nodding in a sort of resigned way.

"Fine. I'll let Cere know. Greez, you and Merrin are going to have to do the repairs so we can make a quick getaway."

"Why can't we ever just land on a planet and not cause a scene?" Greez threw his hands up in disgust. "We don't have any more room, plus the kid looks like trouble-"

"It's fine. I have room," Boba said. "This would hardly be the worst stray we've picked up. Remember the nexu kit?"

What?

What stray?

"That was one time!" Cal actually sounded defensive for some reason. "Besides, it is up to Jabba."

What was up to him? He blinked in confusion before pointing the spork he was holding at himself. The conversation was like farming. Awful and confusing.

"So what about it, kid? You wanna join our crew? We travel a lot." Boba raised an eyebrow and fixed him with a look.

Had he heard wrong? There was no way. "But… I tried to break into your ship-"

"Oh, so you admit it!" Boba sounded amused.

"-and Jabba isn't even my real name!"

"You don't say." That remark was from Cal and laced with amusement as well. They were making fun of him, somehow, he was sure of it.

"Why would you want me?"

"I've got a good feeling," Cal said. Beedee trilled their agreement.

"I've learned to listen to Cal's feelings." Ezra gave Boba a weird look. All of them were strange! Super strange. What had he gotten himself into?

The discussion, the confusing discussion, was pushed aside for a later time. They had a bombing to plan. It made his head spin with how fast they jumped from one topic to the next.

Turned out they sucked at planning, or at least he thought so. Not that he did much actual planning in his life. He was a bit more of an in-the-moment type of person. That had served him well so far, well, not counting today. Cal was more of a go with the flow and Boba wanted each detail planned out. Ezra was honestly impressed they even made it to the facility by nightfall. He had sort of thought this whole thing was going to fall apart before it even started. Yet, here he was, crouched down next to Boba.

"How do I get cool armor like that?" he blurted out. The helmet swiveled towards him and he just knew Boba was giving him a look. "What? It's just a question," he grumbled in his own defense.

"Kid, you haven't even told me your real name. What makes you think I'm gonna tell you things?"

Okay. Yeah, that was fair.

His thoughts were still on the helmet as he pried a vent cover free. He wanted one. Shame they were nice, otherwise, he wouldn't think twice about trying to steal the thing. He sighed before starting to crawl through the vents. His part was simple. Drop down inside and slice the door controls. He just had to let Cal in and then head somewhere safe.

Easy.

Except…

Nothing ever went his way.

Slicing the door had been easy, getting it open easier, and then a feeling of wrongness hit him. Cold and unnatural-

"Jabba," Cal yelled while running through the now open door. "Get back to Boba!" The next second Cal was yanking a cylinder free from underneath his poncho. A sort of snapping sound and then a loud crackling filled his senses. Ezra could only stare at the blade of light in awe. "Jabba," Cal bit out. "Move!"

And then there was another sound and a red glow washed over the space.

Fear.

He had never felt so afraid in his life.

There was something wrong with the person that stepped forward. Cracked, pale flesh, and burning eyes. Ezra knew he was going to have nightmares.

"No, Jabba, stay. You can die while I capture your Master." The voice tore at his mind. Cruel and violent.

Also, what Master?

Cal spun the light blade and then a second one appeared on the other side of the cylinder. "Your fight is with me. The kid has nothing to do with this."

"Tsk. Don't lie, Kestis. Your true Master would be so upset to learn you are trying to start training others. You know how he covets his things. He despises sharing," the voice was taunting and then the room seemed to explode in orange and red. The blades clashed with a screech. Beedee hopped off Cal and rushed towards him, chattering the whole way.

He was so confused!

"As I've told Vader before; no thanks, I'm good." Cal did something and suddenly the single double blade was two separate ones. They were a blur of movement, harsh colors slicing through the air around them. Ezra didn't think twice about picking BeeDee up. He needed to run...but would Cal be okay? He barely knew the other, and yet, he was concerned. The guy was nice. It would blow if a nice person died!

BeeDee whistled something and he blinked. Oh, right, he still had a charge on him! Perfect idea. Ezra made a run for it, towards a large pile of durasteel beams. He just needed to put it in the perfect spot. BeeDee leaped out of his arms and climbed the pile. A low beep and then the droid was calling out an opening. He moved, squirming and squeezing his way into the tight space. There were probably going to be a few abrasions on him, but that was fine. He’d had worse. He fumbled with the charge, nearly dropping it a couple of times, but somehow managed to stick it to a spot that felt right. He could do this. The sound of those blades colliding together over and over reminded him of two storms meeting over the prairie. Deadly. He struggled to get back out and he popped free with a yell just as a boot connected with Cal's chest. The red-haired man stumbled backward while the cold one grinned.

A mouthful of predator's teeth.

They wanted to tear into his soul.

Ezra didn’t think, no, he just moved. He ran forward, somehow ducking just as a blade sailed through where his head had been. Twist now! He surged up and rammed his shoulder straight into the creep’s gut. Cold anger slammed into him and then a hand was grabbing a fistful of the back of his jacket. He felt himself being yanked backward while Cal swore loudly. The gloved hand was thrown out and then the craziest thing happened- the pale man seemed to be knocked backward by a strong wind. He didn’t have time to marvel thanks to Cal tossing him towards the open doorway.

BeeDee screamed out an order.

He slammed his finger down on the detonator. The explosion was instant and he started to curl up to make himself a smaller target. He never finished, arms were suddenly around his waist. More explosions rocked the area, but he could only watch in fascination. Cal was doing something, ripping chunks of machinery from the area around them somehow. Those twisted and bent shining objects flew one after another into the inferno growing inside the factory.

“You are so grounded,” the modulated voice of Boba informed him loudly.

Grounded?

Hey, no, they weren’t his parents!

He opened his mouth to protest, but instead of words, a large whoop of excitement left him when he found himself flying. Boba had an actual working jetpack? That was beyond cool! Wait, what about Cal? He glanced down at the shrinking factory in time to see a streak of red running after them. Not the terrifying cold type of red, but the type of red that made him think of comfort.

Oh.

Kriff.

He was getting attached.

That wasn’t good. They were going to leave him. That offer to join the crew was just some joke. There was no way they actually wanted him around. Those thoughts weighed his mind down, ruining his chance to enjoy the sensation of flight, the whole way back to the hidden ships. He didn’t say a word as Boba set him down in a cargo hold and he didn’t say a word as he got the word lashing of a lifetime. The words, well, they just sort of washed over him. His mind was far too focused on what would come next to honestly hear the concern.

“Stay here,” came the order, and then he was alone.

The ramp slammed shut and he could hear the engines firing up. His balance shifted, causing him to stumble, and he found himself rushing to strap himself into a jumper seat.

What was going on?

His fingers tightened around the safety harness keeping him in place while the ship whirred around him. Before he could even yell to see if Boba would tell him what was going on, well, the ramp opened midair. The roaring caused his ears to pop. Okay, that was really uncomfortable. He made a face, scrunching his nose in annoyance. This whole day was just not going his way.

Then it happened.

His mouth fell open in pure surprise when Cal appeared on the ramp, BeeDee clinging to him. There was no way the ship was that close to the ground! He started to fumble with the buckles of the harness to free himself. He had to see for himself! Before he could get himself unbuckled Cal was hitting the controls to shut the door. Ezra froze. Oh, kark, the look Cal was giving him was very much not impressed. Why did he feel guilty?

“We are going to talk later.”

Yeah, that definitely didn’t sound good.

BeeDee whistled happily just before Cal vanished towards the cockpit.

“Wait,” he yelled out. “You still have to drop me off-”

And then his stomach lurched oddly. He winced as the nerf steak tried to make a return.

“Hold tight,” Boba’s voice drifted back towards him. “Time to make a fast getaway.”

What was even going on? Ezra squeezed his eyes shut and sent a thought to the stars. Here was hoping they all didn’t die in some crazy space battle- wait, space battle? No, he was too young to get involved in one of those!

It felt like years passed while he waited for someone to come back and tell him it was okay to move. By the time Boba came back to check on him, he had started counting the holes in the grating of the floor.

"Kid," Boba said softly. "We have to wait a bit before I can go back to Lothal. Do you need to comm anyone?"

Ezra frowned and then shrugged. "No one to comm." He wasn't lying. His parents were gone.

Boba frowned for a second before crouching down in front of him. Concern swirled in those eyes. Ezra averted his gaze. He wasn't sure why he did, all he knew was that it made him feel strange. Not quite uncomfortable. Just strange.

"You can stay with us. If you want. We can make frequent trips back to Lothal or we can never come back. Your call, Jabba."

"...Ezra." His voice was barely above a whisper and he wasn't even sure if Boba heard him.

"What was that?"

Yeah, hadn't heard him.

"My name… it's Ezra." A brilliant smile erupted on Boba's face. Ezra flushed in confusion. Why the reaction? He had just said his name! It wasn't something special.

"Well, Ezra, before Cal comes back here and chews you out for your stunt in the factory-"

"I saved his life!"

"-you did, but you put yourself in danger. Not the point right now." Boba waved a hand through the air as if brushing away words. "If you've got nowhere to go, I'll be happy to take you on. Me and Cal. We work with the Mantis crew a lot...so you'd have a family between the lot of us. If you want."

Family.

They weren't actually just going to leave him?

It started as a stinging, a burning in his eyes. His sinuses started to get a weird prickly sensation inside. He sniffed once, twice, and then to his horror some tears escaped his eyes.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Boba moved quickly to undo the safety harness. Ezra tumbled into his embrace, arms going around his neck. The next words that left Boba’s mouth were unknown to him, but felt comforting anyway. He tightened his arms while he let hot tears fall.

Ezra Bridger had a place to belong if he wanted and that meant the whole galaxy to him.

“Only until I get bored of you,” he managed to finally say. Boba burst out laughing and shifted just enough to press their foreheads together.

“Of course, ad’ika. Just until you get bored.”

#thank you for following me!!!#star wars #star wars au #cal kestis #boba fett #ezra bridger #greez dritus #bd1 #star wars jedi: fallen order #jfo #star wars fan fic #star wars fan fiction #kesett #just a couple of dumbasses adopting a kid #explosions are a given #fluff and angst #I just love them so much #I am shoving kesett at as many people as possible

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askmerriauthor · 3 years

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Jedi: Fallen Order thoughts 2/?

Discussion on "Star Wars - Jedi: Fallen Order". First post here, spoilers and lengthy rambling after the jump.

Honestly, I love this box art so much purely for the facts that 1) I made sure to remove that poncho the instant I could because the game's cloth dynamic rendering had it flailing about wildly as if it were trying to attack the universe through sheer defiance of physics in every cutscene. And 2) see that alien dude on the left with a pistol? In-game, he's an utter coward who never once participates in anything remotely resembling violence and sure as hell never wields a gun. It just reminds me of how Kirby is always given angry eyebrows in the US because marketing people are fucking stupid and think players won't be drawn to the game with an abjectly cute mascot.

So! The story.

As mentioned in my previous post, "Fallen Order" basically wants to tell a Found Family tale about a ragtag group of remnants who leave behind their previous lives and forge a new future together. We have our main character Cal Kestis; a former Padawan who survived Order 66 and has been in hiding for a handful of years. Cere Junda; a former Jedi who's cut herself off from The Force, Greez Dritus; a gambling addict pilot with a troubled past he's trying to leave behind, and BD-1; an annoyingly named but utterly lovable Droid who is far and away the best character in the entire damn game. There's also Nightsister Merrin; the presumably last survivor of the Nightsisters and potentially Cal's love interest, but she basically only shows up in the last 10 minutes of the game and doesn't get a lot of screentime despite being presented as a major part of the cast.

The game takes place a handful of years after the purge of the Jedi in Order 66, where both Cal and Cere's core character thrust is tied into. Cal was a child who survived only due to his master sacrificing his life to save him and has been wracked with guilt and PTSD ever since. Cere, on the other hand, unintentionally abandoned her own Padawan and other younglings, directly leading to their death, corruption by the Dark Side, and almost falling to the Dark Side herself. The bulk of the narrative throughout the game is dealing with the relationship these two have with one another, coming to terms with their own trauma, and moving forward from there. Meanwhile, the overall plot itself focuses around finding a Holocron that has a map and list of Force-sensitive children throughout the galaxy, which the gang can use to rebuild the Jedi Order while also keeping it - and thus the children - out of The Empire's hands. The whole series of events culminates in a big showdown between Cere's former Padawan whom she abandoned and became corrupted into an Inquisitor, Cal contending with his own guilt, and the decision on whether or not the gang has the right to interfere with the Force-sensitive children's lives and potentially put them in danger if another purge were to occur.

On paper, it's a solid enough story. The actual execution leaves something to be desired.

Something I absolutely hate in games (which has become frustratingly abundant in recent years) is the illusion of choice. If a player is presented with choosing A, B, or C, that decision should matter. Which path is taken should have impact, consequence, and change the course of the story. If all three routes converge back together at the same outcome regardless of what you picked, then your choice never mattered at all. "Fallen Order' suffers from this. There are fairly sporadic points in the game where you're given the option to choose how Cal will reply to a given conversation, or whether or not to take a certain action, but it doesn't matter at all. The conversation's outcome nor the overall story isn't affected by your choice (or even if you bother to have the conversation at all), and the any time you try to do something other than what the game wants you to do, it'll just reset itself endlessly until you cooperate. You have no choice in the matter, but the game makes it appear as if you do to emulate your involvement.

I absolutely hate this in games. If a game presents you with choices, then your choices should have consequences. Your input should matter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a linear, plot-driven game where the player has no direct input on the narrative. If anything, that gives the story even greater opportunities to shine because it allows the writers and directors to be in full control of the presentation, characterization, and story.

At the risk of sounding like a cranky old man, this is very much a "back in my day!" sort of situation where older games wouldn't shy away from simply locking a player out of content if they chose a certain path. If you pick A, you don't get to see what happens down B or C. If you want to join the Jets, you don't get to join the Sharks. If you want to see what lies down those other routes, then replay the game and make different decisions. Sometimes it was a specific design choice, other times it was a way to handle hardware/programming restrictions. But there's a big notion these days in particular where there's a desire to make sure the player sees all the game's content up front. I anecdotally chalk it up to an increase in non-gamers entering into video game development at management level and making design decisions they're not qualified for, but that's just my own take. Like, I understand the thought process behind it. "We have all this content, so we want to make it a selling point and ensure the player gets to see all of it! If they play our game and miss a bunch of stuff, they might bitch at us and cause reviews". I get it, I do. But it's also bullshit because it directly harms the final product. If a game is good, players will replay it ad nauseum for ages beyond release. So they're going to see all the content one way or another. When the "we have to let the player access all content up front" mind set is in effect, it means the player's choices ultimately don't matter and the resulting abundance of content is quantity rather than quality.

In the case of "Fallen Order", your choices don't matter one bit and it's not even out of a case of accessing content. For some reason the developers put in this vestigial, pointless façade of a dialogue tree and choice system when the game frankly would've been far stronger if it had just been left out entirely. Developers have to invest one way or another. Either make it a fully narrative-driven game and tell a solid story, or make it a player-driven game and put in the effort to make the player's choices matter. Especially in a Star Wars game, as RPGs in this franchise have historically have Light/Dark Side choices, character deaths, and alternate endings based on your decisions. A big part of "Fallen Order"'s story is characters contending with the risk of falling to the Dark Side because of their trauma, but the game itself never actually gives the player any chance to explore that at all. It's a huge missed opportunity either way.

I think that's where a lot of the story's trouble comes from in the end. It's a lot of build up on a good idea that fizzles out and goes nowhere. Cal spends the entire game getting to a point where he's ready to move on, and then the game ends. Cere comes to terms with her past mistakes and tries to redeem her fallen Padawan, only for said fallen Padawan to be killed abruptly and completely cut off that entire story thread. Greez's past coming back to haunt him is shoe-horned in randomly and never goes anywhere. Merrin doesn't have enough time on screen to matter. There are three major villains throughout the game who are just cast aside casually and with no lingering impact for ever having been there. The biggest final boss, who has been the core antagonist and a major point of emotional conflict for the entire game, is discarded with no resolution because this is a Star Wars game and we just can't have one that doesn't feature Darth Vader sweeping in to steal the spotlight.

It's just... ugh. There's potential here. There's obvious, glowing moments of potential where things could've been developed into something really impressive if they were just given the opportunity. It feels like a huge waste and the end result is just a "meh" game that doesn't go anywhere, doesn't contribute to the setting, and could very easily be dismissed entirely from the franchise with absolutely no impact.

#star wars #jedi fallen order

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kyberphilosopher · 4 years

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Wʜᴀᴛ I'ᴍ Tʜɪɴᴋɪɴɢ Aʙᴏᴜᴛ

“Go ahead and cry little girl... I know how much it matters to you...I'd do whatever I could do. I'd run away and hide with you.”

Word Count: 4176

“He doesn’t care what she tells him or what they talk about, he just loves to hear the sound of her voice. Even better if she has to tell him twice. On the other hand, this could insinuate that he either has a bad memory, is distracted, or is so infatuated with her he can’t concentrate on what she’s telling him.”

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Everybody on the Mantis seemed to be filled to the brim with something that could never be alleviated.

Things stung like a sunburn... one that was plastered to their brains and wouldn’t go away. Even when the sun would implode in on itself six billion years later, the pink marks and scars wouldn’t fade. All their problems ran so deep- arguably too deep. What could they have done but sat and waited for it to leave them?

Greez Dritus couldn’t stop gambling. The rush of it all... the chance of losing and dying and escaping it each time made him feel invincible. Even when he would lose, it felt so good. It felt right, fated. Godly, even. It nearly destroyed his relationships... almost got one of his crew members killed... but Greez had come back to save him! Not that he needed saving... but it counted for something, didn’t it?

[It didn’t.]

Cere Junda did what she could to let the guilt go. First, she tried confronting it. Then she tried burying it down. Neither of these made her feel any better. She tried meditating, eating, starving, sleeping, ignoring, embracing, and redirecting the guilt. Anything to defer the pain, instead of accepting it. But the more Cere deferred, the more the guilt grew. And the more the guilt grew, the more Cere shrank.

Merrin felt angry too often. Even for her own liking. It was just that, sometimes if she thought too long, or shut her eyes too tight, she could remember her childhood. She could remember being patient and small, just as willing to learn as her fellow nightsisters. She could remember that all was well. But Merrin could also remember the day the armored man came with the droids, and how she wouldn’t have to be patient until she was left alone with no one but the dead.

And Cal Kestis... Cal Kestis might’ve had the worst of it. The man suffered of no addictions, nor physical ailments. On the contrary, in fact. His body was broad and promising from work as a Rigger. Flexible and taut. It was his mind and emotions that was couldn’t seem to function properly.

But it was different from Cere and Merrin’s trauma. It was more intensified, focused, raw on both guilt and loss at once. Cal had been in a complete state of agony since he was twelve years old, since he had held his master’s hand while he died. Master Topal had died for him, after all. Maybe it was for the best that Cal be the one to live with the blame.

Cal thought about this every day. He thought about what he not only could’ve done, but should’ve done. He thought about all the people he’d never be able to love again, and why he didn’t deserve it anyway. Maybe he did have an addiction. Maybe Cal Kestis just loved making himself feel so bad over something nobody but himself hated him for.

It’s not like you were much better.

You felt incredibly heavy with the weight of all the secrets you’d been asked to keep. Strained with all the tapestries of misery you’d been tasked to weave. You were a Slicer, which wasn’t the most morally corrupt job, but it certainly made you feel morally corrupt yourself. Because you doubled as a bounty hunter, you were forced to choose yourself over others. Usually, yourself over the people and things you were turning in.

Once, you had sliced into a mans datapad in search of information you had been tasked with deleting. On this datapad, you found names. Names of children, anywhere between the ages of eight to sixteen, sold off into various different rings. A girl named Aheka Shyn was training to be a medic when she was abruptly kidnapped and sent off to make spice. A boy named Garreth was only fourteen when he’d been stolen from his junk home planet, instead to be sent to an Imperial fighting ring. And you had desperately wanted to send the man to the authorities, arrest him yourself- anything. But if you didn’t delete what you had found, you would’ve starved to death that night.

So you deleted what you found.

There were several more occasions like this, and all of them haunted your memory. You were not a bad person, or even a neutral person. You were much worse. You were a bystander, a failure, the farthest anyone could get from a hero. And you refused to blame anybody but yourself for this revelation.

You would not hate your father, nor blame your actions or lack thereof on the issues he had given you. You would not blame your mother, your brother, your sister- anyone you may or may not have in your life. You wouldn’t blame the first boy who ever broke your heart, or the first girl who had ever let your hands wander against her for false fame. It was you, all you, and if you wanted otherwise, you should’ve given otherwise.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

There are a lot of people in this world, and the next, who find sex to be pleasurable. Sometimes it’s for selfless reasons, and sometimes it’s for selfish reasons. Sometimes it’s simply because it’s one of the many cures for boredom. Maybe the purpose for your particular instance didn’t matter very much. It was pleasurable for you and Cal, and that was enough.

You’d liked Cal for a long time. It was difficult not to. First thing you knew about him was that he had a great taste in music. Second thing you knew about him was that he didn’t know when to ask and not ask questions. The third, and most obvious thing you knew about him, was that he was a good person. From anyone’s point of view but his own, he was someone to be admired and respected. His whole life, the entirety of all occupations he’d had, were based around helping others. And you knew this was further proof that you weren’t good enough for him, but that night was the night that you couldn’t resist any longer.

Cal had given you his consent, and you had given him yours. Both of you were worn out and too honest from the events of the long day, but mentally sober enough to be clear in your mindsets. You knew what was happening. No drugs, no alcohol, no manipulation. You’d found yourself in his quarters while everyone else slept for one reason or another, and then you’d done it.

The act hadn’t lasted long. Both of you were too excited at the heat and promise of intercourse from the time you’d gone without. Not because you couldn’t get intercourse, but because you couldn’t find it within yourselves to muster up enough trust for anybody to touch you so. But then something had snapped between you and Cal, resulting in the rather hot and aroused endeavor.

When it was done and the finger tipped shaped bruises were beginning to form on your hips, your first clear thought cut through like a knife. [“Oh, fuck.”] It wasn’t because there was a good chance that Cal had partially finished inside of you. It wasn’t because either of you had failed to think of any quick source of protection. It was because the consequences of your actions stretched beyond the physical ones.

Were you in a relationship now? What if you weren’t? What if you wanted to be, and he didn’t? What if he wanted to be, and you said otherwise? What if this meant nothing to him? You didn’t know if you believed Cal to be that type of person, but your work as a Bounty Slicer before joining the Mantis crew was enough to teach you to never assume anything about anyone. Where were either of you to go from here?

Cal Kestis was in no position to be in a relationship. He’d told you that tonight, not with his lips, but with his fingers. When people become intimate as you have, sometimes they manage to share more than just their bodies. Cal had managed to share with you just why and how you were wrong about his mental and emotional state. He’d revealed his anguish, his fear of losing people. He’d revealed that he was angry deep inside, that he’d had more than a few regrets in his life. You didn’t know how or why- you’d always been too respectful to ask about his past. But now you had some twisted form of confirmation.

You looked over at him, deep in thought. Cal’s skin was glistening with a thin layer of sweat as he began to regain his breath. His hair was falling in soft, orange locks by his eyes. His lashes were long and dark brown, and seemed heavy as he blinked. You can see the old, mauve gash that stretches from his neck to his cheek like a line in a poem.

The boy raises his veined, left hand to push his hair back. With close eyes and a heaving chest, he says, “was it alright?”

In truth, it was much, much better than alright. Maybe you had low standards for not being touched for so long, but you really believed it was fantastic. A little blurred together from the pace and the clouded mind, but unmistakable in the sensations you’d earned from it. “Yes,” you managed to reply.

Cal sighed finally, eyes still shut. His breathing was beginning to calm down at this point, but your mind was still racing. With his green orbs still glued shut, Cal reaches his arm around you, and rolls to the side. In a fluid motion, without much effort at all really, Cal pulls you towards him until your bare back meets his bare chest.

Cal groans lazily a few more times as he adjusts his body around until he’s completely comfortable. He falls asleep in a matter of seconds. You on the other hand, feel tired, but buzzed. Almost like your deep dark thoughts have the same affect as caffeine.

What the hell was that? You cry out in your mind. What the hell are we going to do now?

But, despite the thoughts that created such anguish after such a pleasurable experience, you could feel yourself sinking into Cal’s embrace. His chest was warm and inviting, and broad enough to snuggle into it at any angle. You didn’t fight too hard to keep your eyes from coming to a stiff close.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

This brings us to now, and why you’ve only said one word to Cal since that night.

It happened about four days ago at this point. You should’ve stayed and voiced your concerns to the boy, but you hadn’t. Instead you’d fallen into a dreamless sleep, only to wake up hours later when the Mantis shook coming out of hyperspace. Cal had removed his arm from around you and turned away, so it was easy to hop up, throw your undergarments on, and rush back to your room before anyone could deduce anything.

It wasn’t that you specifically regretted what you had done- you liked Cal. You liked Cal a lot, actually. The night you spent pressed against him only proved and accelerated that much. But you were an observant person, and you were observant enough to understand that you might’ve just ruined everything.

You weren’t good enough, or worthy enough to be with Cal. He wasn’t perfect, (which would bring you to your next point), but you were even farther from it. How many lives had you ruined just by trying to scrape by? Cal saved and bettered lives like it was nothing. He’d helped the partisans of Kashyyyk without asking for anything in return. He’d informed a single mother of her partners death with as much humility as he could. He’d shown enough empathy towards the Nightsister’s to make even Merrin budge. And you? You hated yourself for all the people you’d let down and would continue to let down into the next life.

But Cal wasn’t in any state of mind to love you. He wasn’t cruel, nor manipulative. But he was damaged and scared of something that scared you more. So how was he ever going to love you? How was he going to put up with you? To take on more suffering than he already struggled with? You couldn’t do that to him, and the option of breaking your heart seemed all the kinder.

And yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You knew the moment you would be alone with him again, it could’ve gone one of two ways. Way One: that Cal would inform you that he loved you- falsely- and you would fall into his strong arms again and repeat your heated actions. On the other hand, there was Way Two: the way in which Cal told you he loved you, but he couldn’t go any further. Then it would come to an end. Both options upset you, so you decided to freeze yourself in time. Cal could neither lie, nor harm you so long as you kept away from him.

And, as stated above, this went on for four days.

So, there was a build up of frustration within the walls that you’d constructed around yourself. It was a stalemate, and it didn’t take long for you to crack.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

It started slow- the welling of tears across your lower lash line, the flushing of your cheeks, the trembling of your lips. You tried to deny it from happening. You practically shouted at yourself not to cry. It was so stupid. So, so stupid. So... why was it happening?

It overwhelmed you quickly. Your eyes squinted, smearing the drops across your eyes and making your vision blurry. You bit your bottom lip to stop the trembling, but then your nose began to sniffle. It burned to inhale the snot again, and your lips started to quake again. You were lucky you were alone, you thought, before you let the tears fall.

It was night. Or, as nightly as space could get, you supposed. Greez had put the Mantis on autopilot, and hyperspace was whizzing by in indigo and baby blue streaks. White stars laced by in between lines, past the glass of the windows and the metal that had created the space.

All was asleep, except for you. So you allowed yourself to cry, but only if you held yourself to keeping the volume down. And you did. On the steps by the Latero’s terrarium. All of the seeds had grown into miniature plants and trees and flowers by now, blooming in vibrant colors of all kinds. The picture would’ve been so neat and beautiful, if not for your form shaking as you hunched over.

You should not have slept with Cal. Did you regret it? Not exactly. But you still felt so guilty about how much you cared for him, and the knowledge that he couldn’t have actually loved you. You might not have been able to love him too. There was just so many issues that you’d been able to pick up on, especially since you’d done the deed. But Greez had his gambling, Cere had her guilt, Merrin had her anger, and Cal had... Cal had everything. Everything you had shared, every burning mark he’d left on you, it all felt false. Like maybe it wasn’t out of emotions, but a wrong idea.

What a ridiculous thing to cry about, you thought as you cried. But you couldn’t stop. The tears were leaking from you in pearly beads, glistening and swirling with your stress. As much as you hated to admit it, it felt good to cry. You hadn’t done it in a long time, years maybe. There was more than just everything with Cal that was exiting your system along with the tears.

It was from the stress of your father, and whatever he may or may have not done. It was from the stress of work, the stress of your past. The guilt. All of it. It was pouring out of you silently, like the way that someone wrings out a washcloth. The sounds were minimal, and if anyone woke up and heard it, it could easily be mistaken for the little critter on board eating.

However, the person that woke up and heard the noises, didn’t mistake it for the little critter on board eating. In fact, he thought it sounded a lot like someone who was crying, or sniffling. Even if he hadn’t been so observant with his hearing, he could still sense the waves of sadness coming from just past the hallway. They echoed throughout his chest like a wind chime, rippling through him until he felt sad too.

Cal Kestis had a habit of taking on others people’s emotions. He had, even if it didn’t always shine through, an enormous amount of empathy. He had it even for his enemies, and it was the cause of a lot of lost fights.

The Jedi had gone to use the bathroom when his face fell. He looked to the doorway of the stairs for a while, seeing just the outline of someone from his view. He couldn’t make out who it was, but he was quick to rule out Merrin and Greez. This left Cere and yourself, but the hood of your jacket gave it away.

Maker, Cal had to urinate. He had to go so bad. But he went to you first without thinking about it, walking carefully as if not to disturb you. His boots were dropping on the floor louder than he would’ve liked, but it must not have been too loud, since you had not ceased your depressed bobbing or turned around to face him.

Cal didn’t like asking upset people if they were okay, because he was intelligent to understand that being upset was not equal to being okay. But his baby pink lips were already throwing the words out anyway, his voice croaking slightly from the sleep he’d woken up from. “Are you okay?” he ventured out.

Immediately, you turned around with a jump. Your cheeks were a deep shade of magenta, eye lashes long and dark and feathery. Eyes were sparkling beautifully, but for all the wrong reasons. One of your hands hastily wiped your face, as if you had simply sneezed. But Cal had already seen it. He knew you were crying, and you knew that he knew.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” you said as your voice cracked slightly. “Yeah. I’m good.”

“You sure?” Cal asked as he took a hesitant step forward. “You don’t look okay.”

Your eyes flitted from him to the miniature tree in Greez’s terrarium. The branches were curled into detailed little swirls, with leaves sprouting in bushes of bright and dark greens alike. In truth, craning your neck to look over your shoulder strained it for you, and looking away alleviated it just as much as it alleviated seeing the boy. “I’m cool.”

You hoped he would leave it and go away. This was a bit of a long shot, and of course he didn’t. Because Cal Kestis had a big, caring heart that was probably corrupted, but big and caring nonetheless.

He walked nearer to you until finally another step would’ve resulted with him on the stairs too. You didn’t dare look up at him, keeping your eyes on the tree like your life depended on it.

“I don’t think you’re okay,” Cal said in a very tired, but very soft and real voice.

You swallowed, trying to keep the tears from falling again. Your eyes had already begun to glisten again like a threat, and your breathing was becoming shaky. But you were a big girl, and you knew you could keep it together if you just kept your eyes on the tree. Where had Cal gotten it? Kashyyyk?

“I mean maybe I’m tired but... you don’t look okay,” he continued. You could feel his soft green eyes on you as your nostrils flared with anxiety. “You don’t sound okay.”

“I’m just having an off night,” you decided to say. Which, by the way, was a safe enough thing to respond with. It wasn’t necessarily a lie- you were having an off night. But somehow it still felt like it wasn’t the truth.

“Can you please look at me?” the boy said softly, though it felt somewhat dominant.

Maybe if you looked at him and kept telling yourself to keep it together, you could. Maybe it would help. Like confronting a dare or showing up an enemy. Was that how you saw Cal now? An enemy?

Your knees croaked in protest as you pushed yourself off the floor. When you stood at your full height, much lower than him due to being a step lower, you lost sight of the tree. Cal’s left shoulder was in the way, covered by a black shirt and dark blue poncho. You followed the seam of it down where his collarbone would be, up the neck to where you had left a few marks, around his jaw and finally to his eyes. They were piercing and begging, and you knew at once you shouldn’t have accepted the challenge of looking into them.

“Are you okay Y/N?” he repeats.

You bite your bottom lip as the tears well again, telling yourself to nod yes. But for some reason, the message doesn’t get from your brain to the nerves or muscles in your head, and instead it shakes no.

Cal reaches his arms around your shoulders again and pulls you into him until your head hits his chest. It’s a bit of a weird angle and position, but it feels nice to rest against something. He’s quick to notice your trembling and slowly eases his knees into a bend as you follow, though you’re more melting like putty.

You start crying again right before he hits the stairs. It’s a little louder than it was before Cal arrived, but only because he knows you feel more protected and comfortable enough to do so. Still, he keeps you close as both a courtesy to others, and yourself. And it’s nice because you can see the tree again, but this time you can hear the rhythm of his heart as well.

Both of his strong, engineer hands are caressing you- one against your shoulder and the other in your hair. Stroking softly and quietly as a contradiction to your sobs, like something calm against something wracking.

It made you cry more when you realized how calm Cal was to all of this. He stayed steady and upright so you could be comfortable against him- you could already feel the tension forming in his back. But his eyes were closed instead of looking around awkwardly. He wasn’t asleep, but it was like his body was entirely dedicated to taking care of you in the moment. He knew how much it meant for you to cry, even if you thought the reasons were stupid and ridiculous and you’d done your best to stop it. He let it happen anyway, and he’d let it happen on him. And if you didn’t know, that’s an incredibly nice thing to do for someone.

You felt like a little girl again, but this time it felt better. It felt like maybe someone actually wanted you to be okay.

Cal didn’t even ask what was wrong. Not yet, anyway. He just stayed in his position, tracing loving circles into your skin without really knowing the reasons why. He cared, but not as much as he cared about you being alright first. That meant something to you. It meant that he cared about you more than whatever reasons that galaxy could come up with. It meant that he’d put you first, before logic or shadows of facts or evidence. For now, at least.

In turn, Cal wanted to do everything he could for you. He didn’t know what was hurting you. He’d ask after, when he’d whisked you off to somewhere special and warm and safe that existed just between the two of you. Like your own little planet with a thousand different rings and scenery. Because, like said before, Cal Kestis has an enormous amount of empathy, and a very big heart.

So, you thought, maybe he can love me like I love him.

[He could.]

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

I really came into this trying my best but then I feel like it slowly spiraled as I progressively got more tired. I always say I’ll go back and edit but then I get distracted by the Clone Wars and start something new.

This was based of the song Daddy Issues by the Neighbourhood. I suggest listening to it. AND if there’s any other characters you’d like me to use for this song than tell me! I really like it a lot. anyway, butts.

Taglist: @omg-we-really-doo @haztory @fanficsforheartandsoul [can’t even remember if you’re actually on my taglist but i just tag you in everything anyway i’m so sorry], @anakinswhore @chokemeanakin @kit-jpg

#Cal kestis #cal kestis x reader #cal kestis imagine #cal x reader #jedi fallen order x reader #jfo #jedi fallen order imagine #jedi fallen order fanfiction #cal kestis fanfiction #x reader #star wars x reader #star wars imagine #star wars imagines #cal kestis imagines #cal fanfiction #cal-kestis-imagine

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