#got like 6 different rejection emails today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

manleycollins · 5 months

Text

Journal Entry #76 - Happy Halloween…Letters of Presentment…Same Thing or Process, but Different Version to Challenge Culture that You Will Not Ever Do That Again for the Rest of Your Life or Career.

JOURNAL ENTRY #76 Name: Manley M Collins Social Security Number: 5 7 9 – * * – 6 5 4 1 Date of Birth: 06/21 Place of Birth: Washington, District of Columbia Country of Birth: United States of America Date: October 24, 2023

TOPIC: Happy Halloween…Letters of Presentment…Same Thing or Process, but Different Version to Challenge Culture that You Will Not Ever Do That Again for the Rest of Your Life or Career.

NAACP Membership renewed after decades.

Street Money Donations Massachusetts General Hospital Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. Boston Public Library NAACP

Had a fantastic time at Boston's Veg Food Fest. I sampled Jack Fruit and Kombucha for the first time. I saw the Reggie Lewis Indoor Track. Go Vegetarian or Vegan.

I purchased so far two 2024 Paris Olympics Athletics Event tickets to watch my race 200m and other sprint events. I made 1 out of 3 hotel reservations for Paris, France. I am awaiting the results from my volunteer application. I also sent my resume for employment, but got rejected probably because I do not have a legal right to work there.

I received my Federal Government tax refund and bought my Comfort+ AirFrance plane ticket from Boston, Massachusetts to Paris, France. I researched registration with the United States Embassy in France.

I had my reservations booked well in advance for South Carolina State University homecoming in Orangeburg, South Carolina with lodging at Fairfield Inn and Suites in Santee, South Carolina, and car with Enterprise. I also was able to reserve a spot with Bulldogs on the Run.

Had an unexpected good time running into the 15th Anniversary of Boston Book Fair. I did not purchase any books, but it felt good being amongst all types of writers and readers.

I got PUBLISHED in my first peer-reviewed academic journal. Journal of Business, Economics, and Technology, Spring 2023, Volume 26, Number 1.

I got my certification in AFAA Kickboxing.

Applause To McDonald's McRewards on National Cheeseburger Day. I have not had a double cheeseburger in decades. It was for $0.50. I had to cheat. Congratulations to McDonald's for the store traffic today – everyone in the house, kids, teens, young adults, adults, seniors – whew.

My Old Self - Office Work or White Collar positions still alive and well. Just have to pay upfront to return to the past and we interdependently agree on our terms. Welcome to the headquarters of Collins Incorporated.

Fall, Winter, Spring Season sessions are in. I told you Life's A Party. Here is one beginning. For in-person class, be in my geographical area. For virtual class, just have Zoom, FaceBook, or YouTube. I had my first Zumba class in September 2023 and had my second Zumba class in October.

I renewed my NASM AFAA certification for another two years so the expiration is 12/16/2025.

I signed up for subscriptions or accounts and email newsletters of Life Fitness, Rogue Fitness, Spinning, Think With Google, Microsoft Advertising, and Google Ads, etc.

I realize Apple drops the backups of iPhone and iPod Touch after a certain period of time.

United States Department of Navy and United States Department of Justice got my tort claim forms and responded. However, due to the span of time, they told me to file in federal court to sue. I already did that long time ago. I sent them the copy of one case for review. However, just like before no accountability about the harm done to me.

I left Beacon Hill Athletic Clubs and joined GymIt. GymIt is a healthworks brand of gym. I only have one location and reduced workout to 90 minutes with the annual membership; however, I still have Planet Fitness 2,000+ locations. I rented to storage lockers at GymIt, which are half the size and space of Beacon Hill Athletic Clubs.

I am filling out plenty of surveys with Google Rewards, Massachusetts General Hospital, AllofUs Research, Boston Medical Center, McDonald's, CVS, Walgreens, Walmart, TruHearing, BlueCross BlueShield, etc.

I have a job offer, but do not have job offer with New York Sports Club. We are onboarding, but with plenty of hiccups.

I lost USB number two so I purchased two as a replacement along with the use of Google Drive.

I researched for the Massachusetts License to Carry a gun application and the requirements.

I did my first letters of presentment to the City of Boston and Commonwealth of Massachusetts regarding SplitSpot and Pine Street Inn.

Urbanity Dance and I were arguing it out regarding rental room reservations, but life for some odd reason did not want me to make it for my appointment. Boston Dance Studio accommodated my Zumba classes and they are uploaded on zumba. com.

I did my first letter of demand to Progressive in regards to me being hit by an SUV.

Some of the apartment complexes I applied to and on the waiting list requested updates.

I submitted my returns of service and service of process on four (4) out of five (5) cases before my personal vacation to South Carolina.

I am frustrated that the BlueCross BlueShield Medicare Advantage HMO plan is not a dental plan nor have dental benefits.

I received my Social Law Library membership invoice for the next year. I need the membership, but it is not in my budget currently.

I subscribed to Apple Storage Plan, Google One Storage Plan, YouTube Music, Google Nest Home plan, AT&T ActiveArmor

CVS Pharmacy knows how to move products with 15%, 20%, 25%, 30%, and 40% off products. They had me in the store for every coupon.

I tried traditional marketing of my Zumba classes in a variety of places.

I retrieved Washington, DC Chamber of Commerce and Boston Chamber of Commerce applications for possible future use of networking.

Extra Space Storage took over Life Storage so I had a higher bill and loss of amenities, such as the restroom and business conference room. I have to punch in everytime to enter the building. The registration with the app was painless. The customer service was good to honor previous monthly payment before rent increase.

I got an unexpected message from Massachusetts General Brigham Biobank after two years from the blood donation for research.

I attended some French Library events, such as the online conversation club.

I kept applying for new jobs with Massachusetts Careers when they roll out new opportunities. At least the notifications are relevant, such as Chief, Director, and leadership positions.

My 9A Packet with the Collins vs Federal Express was denied. Thus, the reason for the Rule 9A teaching moment from the Massachusetts attorneys.

I ordered a new Nike pair of shoes around my budget of $50. Yes, the Revolution 6 is very comfortable and squeaks every time I make a step.

Federal Express Print and Go function works really well, but I had to go to Office Depot for my production and large print jobs. It came out well from Office Depot. I had 110 pages of Collins vs Pine Street Inn case times 10 copies.

I launched my small business, Collins Incorporated and Manley Collins Health and Fitness Club, websites and new way of doing business. My target audience is the shop and go without a membership subscription, but still adhere to membership policies for repeat customers and visitors.

I attended Massachusetts Rehabilitation Commission OFCCP Job Fair. MRC provided transportation and food to and from the event for disabled persons.

Massachusetts Department of Transitional Assistance ended my SNAP after full synchronization of my income behind the scenes. However, after a month, I applied for an appeal. I went to my first DTA hearing. It was my first time attending an in-person visit to a physical DTA office in Nubian Square. I went early to ensure I meet the hearing officer on time.

Eric Jerome Dickey's Waking with Enemies was filling the gaps of other books. The end of this book was the most captivating because when death comes in either shape or form, and depending on the person it is done too. It changes the perspective and life of the person who did it. This is definitely a climatic and funny scenario of tough guy talk, and not backing it up, and not checking to see the targets are dead, and death comes biting the tough guy in the butt. I am that leave-no-trace-of-evidence guy - clean up is slow or fast and at my pace. Gideon, the main character, you better work and train the next generation. My current example: SplitSpot - 228 Washington St, Brighton, MA - clean the entire house out - it took me a week, but it was cleant - we are still fighting over a foreclosed house not mine and my small room eviction, and probably disrupting the company's headquarters and foreign investor money laundering systems. Wrong type of company (SplitSpot, Bungalow, or June Homes) capitalizing on other people misfortunes of homeownership.

I am going to take a break from the alternative knowledge of books to focus on my group fitness classes.

Eric Jerome Dickey's Before We Were Wicked was really good reflection on positive versus negative in relationships. Every woman and all Africans, the Islands, and Asian Indian need to read or listen to this book. If you are the color of me lighter or darker, then think people of opposite color going to treat any different than those of the same DNA gene, skin tone, pool in the United States of America. Reality check is coming if you have not experienced it like me. Ken Swift is my dawg, my N-word, and favorite character. Women in any culture that are a Jimi Lee-type stay away from me because it reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend. Jimi Lee-type women do not figure the consequences of death in trying to negotiate an assassin's or shark's business. Let Africans, the Islands, and Asian Indians run around thinking they are white in the USA, when groups like the KKK and white supremacy run around, and I want to physically see the consequence of the African, the Islands, or Asian Indian. Colorism is real in the United States of America, which is you black, brown, or white. Another note, families think they are better families than other families because of a child. Glad I woke up and understood the war. Let any of my exes or even his/her exes bring that war to my door.

Eric Jerome Dickey's Decadence provided me knowledge about Atlanta, Georgia that I did not realize I missed. Who has been to Trapeze Atlanta, Decadence, Rooftop 866? Wow, my opportunities were missed, and I would love to meet freaky women that can come close to the characters in this book and book 'Pleasure'. Is that too much wishful thinking? The brutal truth in honesty when asking about people's relationship history.

It is hilarious on the decision on whether or what choices to change the FaceBook status for relationships. I am wondering if my last ex-girlfriend took a course in oral sex to give me the best blowjob before leaving the relationship. Getting the explanation of sexual science is so helpful for things I did not notice about the other partner or myself. This book of eroticism is ablaze and millions of fire or fireworks emojis. I wonder who I will run into in such places.

Women do have a time period to make babies. Men can make babies all the way in the age of 80s and 90s. This is a good book on how exes from teenagers or college when someone does wrong and expects to be justified for being wrong, and things get uglier on reunions or reuniting because of the wrong choice. "Fornication Under Consent of the King." "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge." I am loving these history terms of where words came from. I knew all the sexual options between female and male ("heterosexuals") were not totally crazy, but it is the spouse or partner's level of acceptance.

Wow…unbelievable for hopeless romantics holding out for that one to change their lives. Marriage is a serious business built on many wanted and unwanted factors. If you want to see my skeletons and bodies, then I want to see your skeletons and bodies. At this stage of life, no such thing as a Virgin Mary or Virgin Joseph. If you are claiming to be a virgin, let's go to a gynecologist, proctologist, and/or urologist. I was not wrong in thinking of prenuptial and postnuptial agreement even when neither party is wealthy. Men do not realize women have been empowered to want equal access to everything, become independent and forward thinkers, and believe they can do life without us. The backhanded trash comes out so later in life for everything that was not mentioned during high school and college. Nia Simone Beju is one good character. The truth spared no feelings. End of the day or the moment of opportunity comes reconciliation and closure…and physical separation forever (connected only by text, email or social media for some, and no communication for others) at least for my end. Hate is what people have when it is something or someone (like me) they cannot control. Glad I got to know all my living siblings from all my daddies, mother, and fathers.

Race (2016) film about Jesse Owens was good and touched all the areas of life surrounding his life, family, and handling situations. It shows the realization when to capitalize on opportunities benefitting not only you, but the organizations as a whole because sports never sees color while people or humans make it an issue. I still love my sport, track and field. Eric Jerome Dickey's Pleasure made me reflect back on my sexual situations using sex as a way to resolve conflict. This was one heck of a story with twins, a wife, and the side chicks. Sometimes I do not realize the pains from other people when they come to me to find resolve when nothing about resolution comes to my mind. At this point in my life, sex is a task, responsibility, pleasure, healthy, a release of all emotions, and a job.

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s Why We Can’t Wait was a transition in writing and was very different. I am glad to hear from him how he developed his platform for the non-violence movement toward civil rights. In previous posts, I did indicate some harsh comments for continuing to treat me like him. Similar logic and same purpose, but different platforms. Unfortunately, I can understand his choices as being the leading voice for his movement, the United States slow progress for change, harsh compromises for changes, but I am grateful for his writings in letting us (African-Americans/Black/Colored) people know what truly transpired in Birmingham, Alabama, the Deep South, and he made mention of all the events that literally saw through monuments and tours of Birmingham, Alabama with my fraternity brothers, Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. Best Quotes:

1. “You have to be prepared to Die in order to start Living.”

2. “Freedom is the reward from the Oppressor. The Oppressed has to demand and fight for Freedom.” (I may have added some words, but it works.)

Thanks to all the African-Americans/Black/Colored, young and old, who truly sacrificed in the attempts to become equal and be free totally, and paved the way for me, my generation, and future generations. Just thirteen (13) years before my birth….wow! Thanks my dear fraternity brother, Dr. King, and his family for preserving his legacy.

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Where Do We Go From Here was a very intellectual work and more descriptive of the same black history that successfully passed on to at least my generation. This work gave a more definitive definition of racism as a disease. I do agree it is a disease. Some parts were sampled from his previous works and more explanations in depth. I was surprised he mentioned or met President Barack Obama before he became President, and he made plenty of United States Presidential comparisons. A lot of the people from plenty of restaurants and churches that I visited that had pictures of him, Smithsonian museum photos, and very popular people marching with him were mentioned. This is a real story and not made up. I comprehend his logic on whites trying to support the civil rights and equality causes, but whites truly could not relate what their race and ethnicity does to the minorities. It was plenty of groups mentioned with variety of perspectives including the militant perspectives. I guess it was an indirect mention of Malcolm X and Black Panthers. The price was high for the high profile assassinations going on from all the groups. Again, I am grateful for the survivors and my condolences for the families in their losses to provide for my generation, or at least for me to do what I do in the United States of America that can be transferred anywhere.

July 2023 This weekend Boston, Massachusetts welcomed more African-Americans and its supporters. I am glad to be an African-American/Black/Colored person. We went through alot as a people and still being done wrong. I attended my first NAACP National Convention ever. I had fun getting to know and seeing my people like me. I even ate collard greens, macaroni and cheese, and turkey at the black people price of $16 plus $4 dollar drink. It was cool. BLACK POWER

Well, the United States Track and Field Association Masters Championships in Greensboro, North Carolina is over. It was a very nice weekend to reacquaint with folks I have not seen in decades or a few years. I made some new acquaintances and surround myself with champions for fun, times, advice, and records. Thanks for the moments, USATF, Delta Airlines, Marriott Hotels, City of Greensboro, North Carolina A&T State University, and Potomac Valley Track Club. I love track and field. I did the 100m dash, 4x800m relay, Long Jump, 200m dash, 4x100m relay, 4x400m relay.

Top Ten (10) Personal Music Playlists

Water - Tyla

BomBon - Daddy Yankee

Seven - Jung Kook (featuring Latto)

Not Letting Go - Tinie Tempah (featuring Jess Glynne)

Rush - Troye Sivan

Promise - Ciara

Turn Back Time - Diplo & Sonny Fodera

Is My Living in Vain - The Clark Sisters

Drugs from Amsterdam - Mau P

Look At Me! - TokyoSleep

LinkedIn Learning (formerly Lynda.com)

Artificial Intelligence for Cybersecurity

Linux Security and Hardening Essential Training

Human Resources: Payroll

Generative Artificial Intelligence: Working with Large Language Models

QuickBooks and Excel: Importing and Exporting Transactions

QuickBooks Payroll Essential Training

Top 10 Rules for Highly Effective Leadership

Leading Virtual Meetings

Dentist appointments were with Tend. Tend continuously pushed for dental insurance. I am/was a cash payment person for dental services.

Doctor appointment with Heather Edwards of the Boston Medical Center Department of Otolaryngology was cancelled.

Boston Neurobehavioral Associates was a very awful therapy service when they hardly kept a regular schedule of appointments like my previous therapists in Boston.

I had a motion to compel or a 9c conference with Federal Express for the unanswered or vague responses to interrogatories.

I met with my psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital.

I went to the Boston Library KBLIC Podcasting Class. It was very informative on how to do podcasting and more tips to make sessions better.

I met with a friend at Caffe Nero.

Pine Street Inn played so many housing games that they do not even respect their own rules and 365 suspension. When I told them about SplitSpot beating them to the shared housing punch and their own 365 suspension of services, they finally got the message and cancelled everything from the Housing Tour and Metro Housing Leasing Public Housing Voucher that assign the voucher only to the specific room at 51 Beals St, Brookline, Massachusetts.

I attended a webinar with French Entree called Your Moving to France To-Do List: Visas, Healthcare, Paperwork.

I had the 9C Conference with City of Boston. I had a 9C Conference with Massachusetts AGO Office. I had another educational moment with how the 9A packet is presented. All other defendants attorneys did a similar presentation.

I did another gym audition at a gym I use to go to.

I attended another French Library Online Conversation Zoom meeting.

I met with my UOPX Mentee and discussed each other's accomplishments and topics around the IRB process.

I met with Microsoft Advertising on optimizing my marketing campaigns for my small business.

I met with my HearUSA for a hearing appointment. This time no raising hands, but yell out the repeated word from a sound booth.

I attended parts of the UOPX Knowledge Without Borders Summit.

I attended a UOPX Webinar named Feeling 'Enough': Empowering Multicultural Identities and Fostering Inclusive Connections. And another one named Transform Conversations of Bewilderment to Bravery

I went to the first hearing date of October 20, 2023 of Collins vs SplitSpot at Eastern Housing Court of Massachusetts. Only to discover the court date was canceled. No one informed of the date change.

My OMNY card sent a notice of expiration.

I had to contact Nelnet to put all loans in deferment.

Thank goodness I have service libraries to complete the tasks of Adobe Acrobat Pro software, printing, scanning, and copying. I like the Print Management System in one library and the Scanning Management System at another library.

With my new BCBS plan, I was still able to see MGH doctors, but they are called specialists. I had to return to BMC to be seen. I saw a MGH dermatologist for removal a mole on my back near my spine. It was benign for cancer or any other diseases.

I did not win the $1+ billion dollar lottery. My mind is still playing tricks on me.

I met with my Studio Optics ophthalmologist after a year away. We have a hold order for another pair of glasses. We discussed contacts and he saw that I could read the charts well. He mentioned the contacts would blind me and I would not be able to read.

I ordered my Caplyta via CVS Caremark mail service and it actually worked and got my medication through the mail. After my refill order, I maybe denied for any future orders.

Potomac Valley Track Club has the Young Flyers for children and teens that would like to run track. Let me know.

September Holidays and Awareness

Happy Labor Day, Happy Rosh Hashanah, Happy Yom Kippur, Happy Mawlid, National College Colors Day, Happy World Beard Day, Happy Patriot Day, Happy National Boss/Employee Exchange Day, Happy Mexican Independence Day, National Childhood Injury Prevention Week, National Suicide Prevention Week, National Historically Black Colleges and Universities Week, Happy Hispanic Heritage Month, National Singles Week, National Fruit & Veggies Month, National Self-Care Awareness Month, National Sickle Cell Awareness Month

SmartPhone Apps

Bounce - temporary storage app.

Oracle Authenticator - new multifactor cloud authenticator

Venmo - mobile payment processor

KFC - Kentucky Fried Chicken ordering app.

SCSUBulldogs - South Carolina State University Bulldogs ordering and athletic news app.

Keep Notes - Google note taking app. I was able to synchronize my notes from Apple to Google, AOL, Microsoft OneNote, and Yahoo.

AudioFetch - GymIt television tuning application to listen to the various channels.

Curb - Taxicab ordering application (Best alternative to Uber and Lyft).

Office Depot - supplies, technology, ordering app.

Stop and Shop - ordering app and rewards.

#manley marvell collins #massachusetts #boston #gym #fitness #music #workout #smartphone

1 note · View note

agentkikirogers · 1 year

Text

work issues// long ass post

I recently found out that I haven't been putting credit/debit codes in the finance app at work for like 6 months now.

So if i get $50 dollars that a customer paid with card, it says in the system that i have 50 DOLLARS in my drawer. So, when I end up making a deposit, I don't have that 50.

When I found out my boss and supervisor say that is not it because they "checked" but how if I never put it in the app. I asked what the think happened and they either 1. imply i stole the money or 2 my sister did (she's not stupid) or that i passed out the wrong change numerous times. I'm not going to pass out 20 or 40 dollars back instead of 7. Then one day I asked my boss again and he said Internal Affairs will be involved if I dont pay. This was around October/November.

So, I went on Reddit asking for advice. They said don't pay. That my boss was trying to scare me and there was no such thing for internal affairs for our place employment. I called five different people from Union and they couldn't help because I'm not in the union I guess? Idk how so they couldnt help.

So yesterday the supervisor shows up to count. I told her that I was supposed to have a signed paper stating that I owed 100.60 . Which she didn't and only sent an email that wasn't even a official count, nor was it report in the first place. So she got huffy and called the boss. Then got off the phone and said that the informed request was if she counted the drawer. So I'm like fine count it.I go to the other chair across the room and eat my breakfast watching her occasionally. She finishes it.

Offers for me to count, I'm dumb so I told her I believed her. So she goes on the computer again. ( after talking about using fake money orders (we have to put them in areas for customers to see or take and then report them to the cops. )

She tells me i owe 65(wait i thought it was 100) and that if i reject the payment tom sign a informed consent form. She also said if I wanted to pay that I can pay and we can forget this ever happened. Okay is it just me or is that really suspicious?

So my dumbass paid because I was scared and didnt know what to do and she gave me my change back and then left. So anyway during this she said, "okay we can act like this never happened."UM red flag much? then later she left. Sigh. I'm just... DONE.

BUT once of the nicest employees from a different office gave me a contact number of someone a day before my supervisor came and she called me today on Thursday which it was too late but anyway. She told me it was red flags and I shouldnt have to pay.

So I got everything possible to put together and scanned into pdfs. I get off work at 3 and was on the phone trying to call someone from accounting help desk again. I wanted to see if they could print off all the reports of my drawer counts that were used to determine my supposed drawer shortage.

The first one after 55 minutes said I couldn’t access them so she couldn’t tell me them and ended up hanging up on me. Then wrote a report saying I wanted the previous worker’s drawer count reports. Which is NOT what I asked for. So I tried to call accounting again after 6 times I finally got someone and they said that there were only 2 reports on in 2022 and one that was this week (2/23/23).

After all of that, only having two official reports it seemed like a let down to help the questions I have about this issue.Also is it normal policy to put the total of the customer’s purchase in a separate envelope instead of the cash drawer? Seems weird.

#personal #Work #Work issues #i'm fucking drained

0 notes

justanotherlifeff · 4 years

Note

Idk if your requests are open or not but hope it is! Can I get a bakugou × reader scenario where the reader breaks up with him. Lots of angst plz hehe. Maybe he looks back on all he could've done better and its tearing him apart??? Sorry if its too much! Thanks in advance!!💞

The man you deserve

[Author's note: Alright, so I HATE sad endings and I DON'T write sad endings. Does that mean I won't write angst? Nope. I definitely will write angst and put fluff at the end cause I can!]

Warning: ANGST (seriously, I'll rip your fucking heart out) and fluff at the end.

"I'm done, Bakugou. Whatever we had, it's affecting my mental health. I'm done. Have a good life." the last text from you glared back at him. It had been 6 months since you sent that text and he still didn't know how to reply. It was all his fault, now that he recalled everything that led to this text.

His insecurities got the best of him. He was so sure that you'd leave him for your boss when you were actually his. You tried your best to make him realise that you loved him. That you weren’t cheating on him. And yet, he always blamed you for his own insecurities. How many times did he blame you of cheating? He can't even count anymore. How many times did he have screaming matches with you? Hell, that's what the two of you literally did on the last days you were together.

He recalled the days when things were better. The days when he'd walk with your hand in his, in a random park as the sun set. The way you smiled on those many dates, the way you'd take random pictures of him on your phone without him knowing. You made him soft, you made him smile.

"I'll never leave you, Katsuki" you told him so many times. Too many times to be honest. He clearly remembers you under him as he pleasured you, telling him that you are his. That you’ll always be his. You promised. Then again, you only broke this promise because of him. It was all his fault.

He could recall ignoring the fact that you were depressed simply because he was jealous. He accused you of pretending to be depressed when he should've supported you. He should've trusted you when all he did was doubt your feelings. He should've let you know how much he loves you instead of telling you that you don't matter and that he doesn’t care if you leave. He knew that he made messed up badly and now, it was too late to fix things.

He tried to move on. He really did. He slept with random women, went on random dates for the first few months. He wanted to prove that he could live happily without you. However, nothing worked. Every single night he spent with someone else, he felt guilt eat him away. Every single date he went on were as bland as hospital meals. They just weren’t enough, they just weren’t you.

He stared at his phone, re-reading the last words you sent him. The billboard chart award ceremony was supposed to take place today and you would be there. With Deku. Your boss. Your boyfriend. The guy he was insecured about in the first place. He already got an email from the billboard award Association that he finally surpassed Deku and took the number one position. Then why did he feel such utter defeat? He had always wanted to be the number one hero but today, it just didn't seem enough. He was just a defeated man.

You blocked him everywhere on social media when you left him, which is why he followed your Instagram through a fake account. He wanted to see you smile. He wanted to make sure that you were happy. He unfollowed you the day he saw a picture of you with Deku. One where Deku was hugging you and you were smiling. Bakugou used to be the one in Deku's place just a few months back. However, at this point, he knew that you deserved better. You deserved someone like Deku who didn't doubt you. Who made you smile. He just wasn’t good enough.

Putting on the suit that his manager got him, Bakugou got ready for the function. He had been preparing this speech for when he became the number one hero ever since he was a kid. However, today, he just didn't know what to say on that stage.

He didn’t look for you when he reached the building where the ceremony was taking place. He ignored all the journalists who wanted his comments on how he felt about becoming the number one. If the circumstances were different, he'd brag about it but now, it just didn't matter. When he was finally called on the stage, he didn't have that cocky smile on his face. Nor did he have his usual scowl. He just looked indifferent. He just felt empty. When he was finally asked to give a small speech, he didn’t know what to say.

"I…" he paused. Suddenly, the emptiness in his eyes was replaced by sadness. He saw you for the first time in months, standing in the crowd in front of the stage. You looked beautiful and all dressed up. All for Deku. "I don't deserve to be the number one hero." Bakugou ended his sentence. He wanted to say "I don't deserve you" to you but he knew you didn't want to listen to him. You were Deku's, not his.

"A hero should care about the people they save. A hero should be doing what they do to save people in general. I had been fighting villains all my life to become the number one hero. To win every fight I get into. It was always about my ego, never about making the world a better place. If there's anyone who deserves this award, it's definitely not me." Bakugou ended his speech. Indirectly, he told you everything he wanted to say for the past months. He gave you the reply to that message you sent him.

Bakugou was hiding from the reporters in his usual spot and waiting for the ceremony to end. The billboard charts award ceremony took place in this specific venue for years and Bakugou already found his own safe spot. Even last year, he was here with you, doing some rather sinful deeds. "And now I'm hiding from the shitty reporters alone after rejecting the position that I've dreamed of getting my entire life. That's just great." Bakugou thought sardonically. "Just where I expected to find you huh…" he suddenly heard a familiar voice. Looking at the source, he found you, standing in front of him, looking like an angel.

"Hey, Bakugou" you broke the silence yet again before sitting beside him. "Why aren't you with shitty Deku? Don't think he'd be okay with you hanging with your ex in random secluded areas." Bakugou grumbled. "Midoriya and I broke up. Besides, I get to choose where I want to be." you answered making Bakugou smile. He always loved the way you were so independent. "I didn’t expect you of all people to be humble about being number one though" you chuckled, the sound being music to Bakugou's ears. "I ain't as bad as you think I am, shitty woman." He answered with a small smile. You hummed sarcastically in answer and this time, there was a comfortable silence between the two of you.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to apologise but you blocked me everywhere." Bakugou muttered, not looking at you. "I'm sorry too… I should've been more patient…" you answered, much to his surprise. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t too late just yet. Maybe he still had a chance of making things right. Either way, he wasn’t going to let this chance go to waste. "(L/N), you leaving me made me find out how much of a dick I was. It made me realise my mistakes and all. If you want to, give me another chance." Bakugou muttered.

"Yeah I noticed how much you've changed, Bakugou. The old you would never say any of the things you mentioned on that stage. I've realised how important relationships are as well… But I'm not ready to jump into a relationship right now. Can we start over as friends and work our way up there?" you asked him, hoping he'd be okay with it. Infact, Bakugou wasn’t the only one who was saddened by the end of your relationship. As soon as Midoriya left you for Uraraka, you realised the worth of the relationship you had with Bakugou. You wanted it back someday, even if it wasn’t now. When Bakugou gave you his signature smirk and replied with a "whatever, dumbass", you knew that things were gonna be okay. As long as the two of you were together, everything was going to be fine. Bakugou knew that this time, he would be the man you deserve.

#bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #bakugo fluff #bakugo x reader #bakugou ? reader #bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo katsuki #mha bakugou #bakugou fanfiction #bakugou × reader #bakugou angst #bakugo angst

264 notes · View notes

kajic · 2 years

Text

Google Ads suspended me and turned a deaf ear

One year ago my Google Ads account got suspended. I thought it was a mistake at first but six useless appeals later I’m realizing it’s probably not. From what I can tell, my suspension is permanent. I’ve gotten no information back from each appeal rejection except to say that my account “was and is in violation of Google Ads policies”. The only clue is the notification regarding my suspension that’s shown when I’m signed into Google Ads. It says my account “violated the Circumventing systems policy” and links to https://support.google.com/adspolicy/answer/6020954?hl=en. As far as I know, I didn’t circumvent any of Google’s policies. What did I do? I advertised a website (https://www.woltcodes.de) with my Wolt promo code (Wolt is a European food delivery company), which gave me and anyone who used it 6 EUR for each of their first two food deliveries.

It’s beyond me why my particular account was suspended when there are so many other promo and coupon websites advertising on Google. It’s especially baffling since a Google Ads support agent helped me setup my ads, without mention from them that my ads were inappropriate.

The contrast between how their support agent treated me when they wanted me to spend money and how they turned a deaf ear when I was hoping for some sort of recourse couldn’t be more stark.

Over the years, Google has gone from being a search engine to an advertising company where paid results are promoted and Google’s own custom search tools are gradually being introduced, taking away traffic from specialized search websites for hotels, flights, and other lucrative markets.

Google’s near-monopoly in search (close to 90% market share) and dominance in digital ads (close to 30% market share) has given it and its select customers incredible power. These days, anyone with a credit card can create a money making machine out of a niche business idea, provided that it remains profitable after Google has been paid off.

Unless of course, they ban you from their ad platform, remove you from their search results, or decide that your niche business is now mainstream enough for them to compete with you with one of their own custom search tools at the top of their search results.

Insidiously, the bait and switch that Google is slowly pulling off still seems like a net positive to me because Google Ads greatly simplified marketing of goods and services and made advertising widely available to millions of small businesses that otherwise couldn’t reach a sufficiently large audience to take advantage of economies of scale.

How targeted advertising encroaches on people’s privacy is a different problem whose implications we’re collectively still learning to appreciate.

Google is an essential tool for millions of businesses. If you want to market your business, one of your best bets is to advertise on Google. Of course, having this essential role in our society it’s easy to question whether Google really deserves such an outsized cut of the worlds online businesses’ revenues, and such outsized power in deciding who is allowed to participate in the first place. Alphabet’s profit margin is close to 30%. Spending money on a better support experience would undoubtedly cut into that.

The more I’ve thought about this, the more I feel this is no way to be treated and the more I wonder how long other people and the world’s governments will put up with paying Google’s pay to play taxes, letting themselves be tracked online, and submitting to Google’s opaque judicial system where sentences are seemingly for life, and appeals virtually useless.

I’m very grateful that some alternatives to Google do exist. Today I’m switching to DuckDuckGo and migrating my Gmail to ProtonMail. At least now I don’t have to worry about getting locked out from my email as well. Unfortunately, I have little hope that the word game which I recently released on Google Play won’t eventually be found in violation of some other Google policy and thus summarily suspended as well.

#google #google ads #duckduckgo #protonmail #wolt

4 notes · View notes

thetravelerwrites · 4 years

Text

OkCryptid: Pevik Pikecarver (Goblin) Lemon

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Male Goblin/Female Human Additional Tags: Exophilia, OkCryptid, Dating App, Goblin Content Warning: Adoption, Sex Words: 3159

A sweet commission for @mxnsterbabe! A woman uses the "Blind Date" function on the OkCryptid app, and is surprised by who she's matched up with. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

OkCryptid was becoming the most popular dating app on the market. It was free, easy to use, and had rave reviews from it’s users. There were no end to the happy couples, or poly relationships, that sang it’s praises. You’d never used an app to date before, but your recent disastrous attempts at dating had caused you to consider it.

You weren’t even sure what you wanted, honestly. You scrolled through the profiles with no real interest. You must have swiped through a hundred profiles before a graphic popped that said: “Can decide? Try the Blind Date Option! Click Here to Try!”

Why not, you thought? You clicked it, and it took you to a form page to put in days and times you’d be available for a date. After filling it out and clicking “Next”, it took you to another page that asked which locations you were willing to go to for this date. You picked out a couple of cafes and restaurants you liked, and clicked “Match Me.”

There was a loading wheel, then a message that said, “At the moment, there are no matches that have selected any of the times and locations you provided. We will send you a message with a date and time as soon as a match is available!”

Well, that figured. You closed the app and put your phone in your pocket, turning your attentions to other things.

It wasn’t until three days later that you got a notification, which you ignored at first since you were at work. It wasn’t until you got into your car and took a moment to check your email that you saw it.

“A date has been made for the 23rd, 6 PM, at the Rosemary Gardens restaurant. To accept, click ‘Date’. To decline, click ‘Pass’.”

There was no other information. After a moment of deliberating, you clicked “Date.” It was followed by a message that said, “Congratulations! Pevik will meet you at the Rosemary Gardens Restaurant on the 23rd at 6 PM!”

Pevik? That was an unusual name. You had no idea what to expect. You had to resist an overwhelming urge to Google the name and see what came up, or at least search OkCryptid for people with that name. The whole point of a blind date was to go in blind. Peeking was against the rules.

The 23rd was only four days away. You could wait. Maybe.

The day of your date with Pevik arrived and you had to admit you were a bit nervous. The not-knowing aspect of a blind date was always a little nerve-wracking. Should you be casual? Dressy? What if they were allergic to your cat and they had a reaction to the fur on your clothes? What if they went into anaphylaxis and died? Could you forgive yourself or your cat for killing someone?!

Okay, that probably wouldn’t happen…

But it could…Where was your epipen…?

Rosemary Gardens was a trendy place that required more presentation than jeans and a t-shirt, so you wore a simple sundress and cardigan, easy and cute. Light makeup, a bobby-pin or two, just to keep fly-aways out of your eyes. Nothing flashy or fancy, since you’d gone on disastrous dates before dressed to the nines and it had been a mistake, to the say the least. Red wine is virtually impossible to get out of silk chiffon.

You got there a little early, but when you told the hostess that you were going to be waiting for someone, she said, “Oh, are you here for Pevik?”

“Yes,” You said, surprised.

“He’s already here,” She said brightly. “Right this way.”

You followed the woman to a table across from the bar, and sitting there was a goblin. He had short black hair and long ears. His eyes were the typical yellow with slotted pupils and he had a cute little button nose. He had on black slacks and a blue button-up shirt on with shiny black shoes.

You managed to hide the fact that you were a little disappointed. You typically preferred men who were taller than you, and this guy was only slightly taller than your waist, at your best guess.

He was clasping and unclasping his hands over and over, but stopped and perked up as you approached, a smile spreading across his face. You could see small bottom and top tusks just poking out from his lips.

“Are you my date today?” He asked.

“I am,” You said, sticking your hand out and introducing yourself.

“Pevik,” He said. “Pevik Pikecarver.”

“That’s a unique last name,” You said as you sat.

“It’s Orcish, actually,” He said shyly. “I was adopted as a baby by orc dads.”

“Oh!” You said. “Wow, that’s amazing.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I get that a lot.” He looked up at you through his surprisingly long lashes. “I’m not exactly what you were expecting, huh?”

You shrugged a little guiltily. “I guess not.”

“I know. You were expecting me to have blue eyes, right?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. Poor guy. You imagined he got a lot of rejection but still had a good sense of humor.

“I get it if you’d like to end this early--” He started, but you interrupted him.

“No, no! I’ll admit, I had different… expectations, but you seem really cool. Let’s keep it going, if that’s okay?”

His smile widened and he nodded.

He was a social worker who insured elder care workers were qualified to do their jobs, in both retirement facilities and home care. He enjoyed his job because it reminded him of his dads, who had adopted him very late in their lives. You were sad to learn they had both died recently, making him feel very lonely. Usually he spent most of his time at work and with his two cats, Jenga and Fifi, who he inherited from his dads.

He asked you about yourself, eager to learn about your life and hobbies. The two of you had a lot of things in common, including tastes in music and movies, although he thought the depictions of goblins in fantasy films was super racist. You had to agree.

By the end of the date, the two of you had been talking for hours and the restaurant was about to close.

“I didn’t realize how much time had passed,” He said, staring at his watch. “I should go, I’ve got a lot of paperwork at home that needs doing, but I had a great time.” He seemed to want to say more, but was hesitant.

“Me too,” You said. “Do you want to do this again sometime?”

“Yeah, absolutely!” He said, brightening. “Anytime you want! Just let me know when you’re free.”

You laughed again. “”Don’t sound so eager! Let me give you my number.” You held out your hand and he handed you his phone. You put your number in it and texted yourself. “There. I’ll text you soon, okay?”

“I look forward to it,” He said, walking you to your car. “Take care, okay?”

“I will,” You said, wishing him a goodnight.

You texted him when you got home, letting him know you’d made it safe. You weren’t sure why you felt the need to do so, but it felt nice. He responded he had gotten home as well and wished you a good night’s sleep. You went to bed feeling a little giddy.

You woke up to a good morning text from him the next day and smiled all through your morning routine for work. You didn’t expect this…reaction…from one date. Pevik was admittedly not your usual type, but there was just something about him that made you… feel good. There wasn’t an initial spark, sure, but after spending all that time talking with him had completely changed your perception. Maybe it was his unwavering attention or his sweet disposition or sense of humor. Whatever it was, you were looking forward to seeing him again.

Your next day off was Tuesday, and even though he was working ten hour days for the whole week, he still wanted to have dinner with you.

>Won’t you be tired? You asked him through text.

>Not if I’m with you, He texted back. >How could I be tired when I have you there to invigorate me?

>You’re so silly, You said, grinning at your phone.

>Hopefully in a good way, He replied. >My lunch break is over. I’ll see you tonight at seven. I can’t wait!

>Neither can I. Have a good day at work!

>I will.

He met you at a cafe that Tuesday still wearing his work badge on his button-up shirt.

“Sorry,” He said, taking it off and stuffing it in his pocket. “I came straight from work.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” You said. “We could have made the date a little later.”

“Nah, if I sat still, I’d have fallen asleep. Besides, I was excited to see you again and I didn’t want to wait.”

You could feel yourself blushing and tried to keep the smile off your face.

“I must seem like a weirdo,” He said, kicking his feet a little in embarrassment. “Being so happy to see you all the time, I mean. I know I should be kind of aloof and cool, but I can’t help it. I just feel like a puppy left alone for too long.”

“No, it’s really sweet,” You assured him. “Honestly, no one has ever showered me with so much attention before. It’s kind of nice. I expect guys to act aloof and disinterested at first, so it’s refreshing.”

He laughed self-consciously. “I’m glad. I’m always concerned that my enthusiasm is grating on people.” The two of you sat and ordered your coffee and treat from the waitress.

“I was thinking, actually,” You said slowly. “I hope this doesn’t seem forward, but I have the weekend off and was thinking of cooking for the first time in a while. Like, a full spread. I don’t often cook because it’s just me, but I’m pretty good at it. Would you like to have dinner at my house?”

He gulped but nodded. “Yes, that sounds lovely, thank you.”

“Well, don’t thank me yet. My cooking is either incredible or horrifying nightmares, and there is no in-between. No guarantees which one you’ll get.”

He laughed again. “Well, no one’s perfect.”

After coffee, he was walking you back to your car when you saw a bench.

“Hey, can you stand up on here for a sec?” You asked.

He hopped up effortlessly. “Sure, what for?”

You pinched his chin in your fingers and kissed him. He took your face in his hands and pulled you in closer, and you could feel his small tusks between his teeth. It was exciting.

That Friday, you were in your kitchen, stirring red sauce in a saucepan, when there was a knock on your apartment door. Your heart rose up in your chest and you went to open the door. Pevik stood there with a really beautiful bouquet flowers.

“Not to be cliche, but,” He said, grinning. “For you.”

“Thanks,” You said, taking them and sniffing. “Let me see if I have a vase.”

You did not have a vase, but you did find a liquor bottle with a wide neck and used that to decent effect.

“I was praying you weren’t allergic to any of those. I couldn’t ask without being obvious, so I also got this,” He pulled a bottle of Benadryl out of his pocket. You laughed out loud.

“Very thoughtful,” You said, taking it. “It reminds me of just before our first date and my wondering if you’d have an allergic reaction to my cat’s fur and if I should bring my epipen.”

He laughed with you. “So, what’s on the menu tonight?” He hopped up on one of the stools at the bar in your kitchen.

“Stuffed bell peppers with a spring greens salad,” You said.

“That sounds amazing,” He said. “I eat way too much take out, but I never have time to cook.”

“Well, maybe I can cook for you more often. We could even cook together.”

He smiled. “I love that idea.”

You pointed to a stepstool you bought recently. “Want to help me stuff my pepper?”

He snorted and struggled to keep a straight face. “Sure.” He grabbed the stool and stood up next to you, taking one of the knives from the block and cleaning out the peppers. On the stool he was only slightly shorter than you, perfect height to lean in for a sneaky kiss on the cheek, so you did.

He jumped but gave you a startled smile, returning the kiss. The two of you worked together to finish dinner, stealing kisses as you did. When his hands weren’t occupied, he lay one of them on the small of your back, stroking up and down your spine a little. It made you bite your lip and squeeze your legs together.

The tension between the two of you was getting thicker by the minute, and by the time you both had sat down to eat, you were throbbing between your legs and shooting him sultry looks. You ate in relative silence because you didn’t trust yourself to talk, but your unshod foot found it’s way up his leg and between his thighs.

Halfway through dinner, he couldn’t take it anymore and threw down his silverware, standing and coming around the table to kiss you roughly. You pulled him into your lap and began unbuttoning his shirt as his lips made their way to your neck and collarbone, palming your breasts through the fabric of your blouse.

“Bedroom?” You asked breathlessly.

“Oh, gods, please,” He wheezed back, and you lifted him, carrying him to your room. He was heavier than he looked, but he was still light enough to carry a short distance. The both of you fell heavily on the bed with you on top of him. He pulled your blouse off just as you unbuttoned the last button and tugged the hem of his shirt out of his pants. He rolled you, straddling your legs as he undid your pants and helped you get them off.

Undressing each other took no time at all, and you lay back on your pillow as he kissed his way down your stomach. The pressure of his tusks pressed against your skin was like small charges, electrifying your body. His hands massaged your thighs and opened you up as he got lower, his long nails poking you slightly as he went.

“You’re okay with this, right?” He asked softly, his thumbs rubbing circles so very close to your swollen entrance. “I’m not moving to fast, am I?”

“If you’re moving too fast, I am, too,” You said. “It’s okay. Trust me, I’m perfectly happy with how things are going right now.”

He chuckled. “Just checking,” He replied before lowering himself down. His tongue licked one long strip from bottom to top before the pointed tip of it circled your clit, flicking it once or twice to make you whimper. Then he licked his thumb and used it to rub your bud up and down while he pushed his tongue inside you, moaning against the skin, contracting it against that sweet spot. You cried out and gripped his hair, rocking your hips back and forth.

Your breasts shuddered with every quivering breath that escaped your lips as he took his time pleasuring you. He was a little rusty, but he was more than happy to take direction, and your mind blanked as a rush of ecstasy washed through your body. You were completely unable to control the sounds that came out of you.

You lay on your pillow looking down at him as he got up on his knees, pushed your legs back, and lined himself up with your body, slowly pushing his cock inside, groaning and shutting his eyes.

“Oh, gods,” He whispered. “That’s so good. You feel incredible.”

“I could say the same to you,” You replied breathlessly. He wasn’t long, but definitely girthy and stretched you open pretty wide without being uncomfortable.

He opened his eyes and looked right at you, as if confirming that you wanted this. You bit your lip and fluttered your lashes a bit in a way you hoped looked appealing. He smiled and began to thrust, bending to kiss your belly and breasts. He gripped your hips hard and slapped his body against yours pretty hard with each thrust. It was exhilarating and you pressed your ankles into his buttocks to drive him faster.

He definitely took the hint, and your bedframe was smacking the wall with the intensity of his movements. Time completely blurred and it was as if the two of you were in a bubble in which nothing could enter in or leave until you both were sated. You couldn’t remember if any words were said from that moment on, whether by you or him, and fell into the fog of the best sex of your entire life.

You weren’t sure if you fell asleep or passed out, but there was definitely a moment were you simply weren’t conscious anymore. When you came back to the living world, a soft morning light was filtering in through the curtains of your windows. Pevik was asleep against you, his head on your shoulder and an arm around your waist. He looked adorable sleeping. You had thought to extricate yourself to start breakfast, but you woke him.

“Good morning,” You said as he began to blink blearily.

“It is a most excellent morning,” He said, smiling his toothy smile. “Last night was… beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I think you’ve spoiled me for any other woman.”

“Well, hopefully, you won’t be needing another one,” You said. “In fact…” You grabbed your phone from your bedside table and clicked open the app.

“What are you doing?”

“Uninstalling it,” You said. “I’ve got you now. I don’t need it anymore.”

His grin widened. “You know what? You’re right.” He retrieved his phone from his pants pocket and uninstalled the app as well. “It served it’s purpose. No point in wasting the memory space.”

You lay back down on the bed with him propped up on one arm, looking down at you.

“I’m glad you decided to give me a chance,” He said to you, kissing your shoulder.

“I’m glad I tried that blind date thing,” You replied. “It’s hard to believe that if I had clicked a different button, we may never have met.”

“Life is funny that way,” He said.

You smiled softly at him and gave him a sweet kiss. “Right now, life is telling me we need waffles.”

“It’s important to listen to messages when we receive them,” He said magnanimously, then chased you into the kitchen, tickling you as you went.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

#Exophilia #OkCryptid #Goblin #Dating App #Monster Boyfriend #Pevik #Mxnsterbabe

321 notes · View notes

airi-p4 · 4 years

Text

Last Chance - Chapter 6

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 AO3

______________________________

Chloe’s POV

This is ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous! I spent months- more than a year trying to make Luka mine and only mine and all it's needed is a simple email from the stupid Dupain-Cheng to make it all go down the drain.

Only two months until the Wedding! Two months!! Could she wait at least until after the honeymoon? Maybe I could have gotten pregnant and made it harder for Luka to dump me? Not that I want a baby, ewww, but what other option I have to keep the man I love by my side? I would do anything for him!

Well, it's not like me for things to go according to plan, isn't it? I was supposed to take revenge on Luka, not falling this hard for him! No wonder Marinette is helplessly attracted to him, he's so damn hot. And handsome. And sexy. And yet a sweetheart. No, that last one is not the image that makes a rockstar sell. Good thing I'm his stylist- I get to enjoy him from closer than anyone. And that body… those eyes… and wow, the eyeliner is the final touch that makes me go totally head over heels for him. Goodbye to my original plans- I had to make him mine.

And I was so close too! If it wasn't for that ridiculous Dupain-Cheng... How can she not be content with Adrien? Hello? He’s perfection itself! But no! Ridiculous Marinette Dupain-Cheng thinks not even perfection is good enough for her. She wants Luka now instead of him. Like, seriously? Are you kidding me!? Utterly ridiculous!

You want the man, you fight for him. I'm not letting him go without a fight, no matter what his feelings are! I love him and I don’t care if the designer wannabe does too. He has to be MINE.

And hey! My plan worked for a while! I avoided Luka finding out about Marinette and Adrien's break up, and he even proposed to me after I dropped some hints! Not bad, huh? You can clap. C'mon, give me an applause! Don't I deserve it? Aren’t I amazing? Heh. Of course I am!

Too bad that stupid woman had to interfere with my happiness. So annoying!

As soon as Adrien told me about Marinette's change of feelings I knew my man returning to the woman he had never forgotten was bound to happen. I had to avoid it at all costs!

What if it made Marinette unhappy? Not my problem.

What if Marinette's unhappiness made Luka unhappy? It should be fine as long as he doesn't find out about her unhappiness, shouldn't it? But I still want Luka to be happy… But I'd prefer it to be with me!

That's why I'm ready to give it my all. I want to turn the balance to my side. I want him to love me the most! Am I asking for too much?

But I made the mistake of not deleting that email account. How stupid of me...

I never expect it to be this troublesome, to be honest. As soon as I saw those messages I knew everything was over for me. Still gotta fight- giving up is not my style- but I was at disadvantage.

And I'm angry that I can't hide the truth from him when he looks at me with those trusting eyes. And things are over as soon as he finds out my darkest secrets.

But I tell you: I’m not going down without a fight.

I contacted the Miraculous team and prepared to go to Tibet. "You're amazing…" he said, and he kissed me. Hell, I could fly every time he does that. What has LOVE converted me into? I’m so hopeless around him… Geez.

Later, the talk during our flight was not pleasant, but not unexpected either: he has made up his mind and I'm out of the picture. He seems hurt to know I failed him. Why did I have to tell him my original plans knowing he would hate me afterwards? He has this absolute power over me… I can't deny him anything. I had tried to avoid the talk by asking him to sleep but it didn't really work.

I can’t accept our relationship coming to an end. Not like this.

My heart is totally broken. Nothing I’ve ever felt can compare to this pain. Not even my own mother’s rejection as a child. Not even Adrien's rejection. Nothing.

At Adrien's plane I can't stop drinking alcohol and crying. I'm clearly the ridiculous one, aren’t I? I don't want Luka to go. I'm happy about his casual touches- his habits . They give me security and hope. How can he be so handsome and cute at the same time? Ugh… It’s ridiculous how I keep falling for him everytime he looks at me, even after he has practically dumped me. I'm going crazy, this is insane. It can't be normal…

And finally, we meet with the ridiculous Dupain-Cheng. She could have chosen a less difficult place to access if she planned to go back to the Miraculous box anyway! I hate dark and cold places. Disgusting . I wanted to complain as soon as we reached there but Luka shushed me before I could put those thoughts into words. That’s my man: he knows me well…

But then MY FIANCEE seems to forget about me as soon as he sees the ridiculous Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Well, I'm not forgetting YOU (or better said- US), even if you do, my love! And I want to stay close to him as long as I can. I want him to look only at me. His attention. I want to be his only one.

That's the reason I keep grabbing his jacket and surrounding him with my arms. My gosh, I love hugging him… So calm, so comfortable, so warm… Not that I would admit it out loud in front of others, but I feel safe with him. How can he do it? Totally ridiculous…

Ugh… I’m sick of being in this cave already. Can’t we just take Marinette down already and leave? Continue our lives as they were going? Forget this happened and keep living? Who cares about Marinette, anyway? She decided to throw away everything she had because she was a COWARD, involving MY MAN, Adrikins, those two useless friends and even an old man who can’t even walk properly on his own feet. Can’t we go back home already? I just want to cuddle with Luka and get our Wedding Ceremony prepared. I just want to be forever happy with the man I love!

Is that asking too much? Am I too selfish?

I don’t think so! But the despicable Dupain-Cheng and her ridiculous wind and flames seem to have a different opinion. Using a forbidden power because she’s scared of fighting me for my man’s love.

Can she be more ridiculous?

Apparently yes.

She's not even the one controlling her body when using that power- pathetic.

And I'm sorry baby, Adrikins, but you're being useless against Marinette. But don’t worry. I'm the best when the power of 'subjection' is needed. Just watch! Learn from the great Queen Bee!

And hey! It worked! I made it to her rolling on the floor behind her, where the wind isn’t as strong, grabbing her ankle. Not bad, huh? But did this girl really need all the fire? Ouch! It hurts, you know!? I’m going to make her pay for it if it leaves any scar on my pure beautiful white skin!

Pfff… The girl didn’t even notice me, how silly…! She clearly has only eyes for ‘ her boys’ . Too bad for her is precisely that attention what made her fall.

My win. Her loss. She can get lost.

Oh, I even made it rhyme! Aren’t I amazing?

And here I have it: the black cat Miraculous, now in my hand. Huh, too easy! And next is time to get the earrings too… Ugh... I can notice those looks on my back... “What? Do I have to do everything alone here?” Useless ridiculous people...

“Chloe… Holy shit… You’re amazing…”

Heh. I love it when Luka compliments me. I could listen to him go on all night. So satisfying. And yet he wants to dump me to go to that useless Marinette’s arms? I love you baby, but you’ve got to be kidding me if you think she’s better than ME!

“Of course I am! Who do you think I am!? I was Queen Bee for a reason! And being useless it’s certainly not it. Unlike you all! Only now you notice how amazing am I!? And yet you want to dump me, baby!? Such a waste for you!”

“What?”

And the most ridiculous girl finally reacts. Everybody look stupid surrounding her in relief.

I’ve saved the day, you should be thankful! I’m the STAR from today’s mission! Where’s my recognition? Nothing? Baby? Not even a kiss? Really? Don’t I deserve at least some attention? Hello?

Do I really mean nothing to them now that Marinette is there? She’s the one who created all this trouble to start with! Why are you all giving her support and love? WHAT ABOUT ME!? No one cares about me!? I'm injured here! No one cares? What makes Marinette so special and me so ‘bad’ in comparison?

I’m sick of it. I hate that girl. I HATE HER.

Seeing her cry or apologize makes me wanna puke. Now she wants to be pitiable? Excuse me, lady, but you got where you are because of your own bad decisions, don’t drag us in your drama any further, duh.

You could have had Luka but chose Adrien instead, and when you get tired of Adrien then you decide you want Luka back, when he’s about to MARRY me! And what’s worse: she’s not even planning to fight for the man she claims she ‘loves’ , but instead relies on magic to destroy the whole world.

Couldn’t she even come and fight me fair and square? No way I would lose in that case! But using the Miraculous is cheating. What do we call this?

Coward: YES. Selfish: YES. Kind person? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

And yet she’s the one being LOVED and I’m the one being HATED. I’m the one heart-broken here, you know? Do my feelings matter to anyone? Luka, baby, not even you? I’m still your fiancée, you know? The engagement ring is proof enough. Is this how I deserve to be treated?

Dumped. Ignored. Despised.

I’ve had enough.

Marinette took everything I loved from me and yet she wanted to be evil? And when she’s already taken all I have left, then she goes after the only thing I really have: LUKA.

I’m furious. Enraged. Hurt.

I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to vent all the hate I’ve been holding for years against her.

I’ll show you what being evil means, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

“Marinette, Marinette, Marinette! Always Marinette!! I’M SICK of you! First my mother’s attention, next my Miraculous, then Adrien and now Luka! You keep taking everything I love from me and you’re still the good one! The LOVED one! What about ME!? You already had Adrien, why do you need to take Luka away from me too!? I HATE YOU, MARINETTE! I REALLY HATE YOU!”

Yeah, don’t look at me so surprised. What do you expect!? My broken heart for free? NO- I’ll make you pay for that!

I told you: I’m not going down without a fight! Luka is all that matters to me and I’ll fight for him until the last consequences!

They're ridiculous if they think I'll give up on him so easily… You want to be evil, Marinette? Use the Miraculous for stealing my man from me? Very well, I'll show you what being evil means, Dupain-Cheng! I have the right tool on my hand… No- on my finger...

“You know what? I was an awesome superhero before you took away my Miraculous... But there’s something I’ve always been even better at: being a villain. Unlike you, Marinette, who aren’t fit to be evil, I’m the ideal candidate for it! Let me show you what being evil means… Plagg, transform me!”

Ah, a black cat leather suit. I bet it looks amazing on me. I wish I had a mirror to admire myself and my beauty… Oh, I’m sure you like it too, baby. I wish I had used it earlier… But the possibility of it triggering some memories of ‘Ladybug’ made me discard the idea. What a pity. Now the earrings and the absolute power while they’re still trying to cope with how surprised they are about me…

Wait, No. I’m not going to put myself at the same low level as that pitiful woman. And I don’t want to become ugly like she became. Eww. Let’s fight respecting the honor codes: Cat Queen vs Ladybug.

“Want to stop me? Well, that’s Ladybug’s job! Come on and fight me, Dupain-Cheng! Fair and square- no absolute power this time. YOU against ME. ...What? You thought I would give up so easily? I love Luka more than anything! I’m not giving him up like that!”

“Cataclysm!”

Ah, this feels good. I can’t wait to destroy her already… I’ll make her suffer for all the hate I’ve kept inside for so long!

Ah, I missed running with a miraculous suit on… So fast. So free. So close to destroying her!

Ah, not you! Luka, baby, you know I love you, but it’s not you who I wanna fight or destroy. You’re in the way. Why are you protecting someone that hurt you so much? Didn’t she break your heart? Why do you keep protecting and caring for her? It’s over! She dumped you! Let me take revenge for you too!

“Stop it, hon- Chloe”

“MOVE, my love”

“NO”

“I SAID MOVE!!”

“NO!! You don’t have to do this. I know you’re not evil anymore”

Not evil anymore, he says… How naive are you, love? I've decided to change as long as you were by my side. Being kind, being nice… it felt good, actually.

But you choose Marinette? Evil Chloe is back- easy as that.

“Then choose me! That’s all I’m asking! Stay with me! LOVE ME!”

I know my man is not stupid enough to not understand my feelings. Don’t disappoint me! I thought you knew better than that. I thought you knew all I want is your LOVE!

“Chloe… You know it doesn’t work like this…”

And at the end his answer remains the same… He chooses Marinette over me.

Like ALWAYS.

Not that I hadn’t been warned, but this… It hurts… It hurts too much… All because of that stupid low class designer wannabee and her selfishness. I HATE her. And I despise Luka for loving her instead of me. You want to choose her? Accept your punishment, then!

“So you’ve really chosen her over me, huh? It really is hopeless then… Very well, In that case, I’ll destroy you. If you can’t be mine, you won’t be hers either!”

And what now? I really don’t want to destroy him. But rage is controlling me. How am I supposed to live without him? I’ve never loved anyone to this point. Hell, I’ve started to change completely for the first time after meeting with him! Not that I hadn’t tried before but he makes… things so easy…

But I’m hurt. VERY HURT. And angry. VERY ANGRY. And I want to DESTROY the source of my pain. And this man- MY MAN- is the source of it.

If I hadn’t met him…! If I hadn’t been so stupid for falling for him! If he wasn’t so stupidly sweet. And sexy. And cute. And PERFECT .

I hate feeling like this!

And I hate how he’s not moving a finger to try to defend himself from me. Does he think of me lightly? Or WEAK? Unable to be evil, maybe? What are you thinking, baby?

“NO! Don’t touch Luka!”

Ah, and here finally comes Ladybug… Great. I'd rather destroy her than Luka.

“Fight me. Fight for him if you really love him!”

Let the fight begin.

But she won’t shut up… Does she think words can stop me? Really...?

“STOP, Chloe! Don’t you love him? He’s your fiancée! How can you even think of destroying him! You’re heartless! You say I’m the loved one, but I’m not! I envy you! I’ve always been jealous of you!”

Hah. As if I would believe that! Let me enlighten you with the truth you keep denying...

“You’re talking no-sense, Dupain-Cheng! You could have become an Agreste, but you prefered to break his heart instead! You have talent too! And friends! Even Sabrina prefers you over me, now! And moreover, this man here- MY man- he may still be my finacée, but his heart has never belonged to me! You’re the one who won everything, threw it away, and still managed to win again! How do you expect me not to hate you!?”

Bull’s-eye. It’s time for you to open your eyes, Dupain-Cheng. Do you think you’re a good person? You’re NOT!

“I- I never planned to hurt Adrien… Feelings… don’t work like that…! Sometimes, we only notice how valuable something is after we’ve lost it… and that’s what happened to me…! I know I’m just selfish… I may have friends, and a successful job, but I don’t have what I want the most, because you have it…! Aren’t you the one who won!?”

WHAT. THE. HECK?

“ARE YOU NUTS!? How RIDICULOUS can you be!? Can’t you see how his feelings work!? Are you serious!? He rushed here for YOU . Gosh! I thought Adrien’s case was bad, but how blind can you be!?”

Her stupid answers only make me get even more angry. How the hell can she be so stupid? No stopping now. I’m going to destroy her. Preach .

“Ehem… Ladies… Why don't we stop this fight and-”

HUH!? Not now, Luka! This is between Marinette and me!

“Shut up! Don’t interrupt us!”

Oh… But maybe it’s my best way to destroy her… from the inside- from her LOVED ONE. And Luka is just quiet there, looking, analyzing how to make us stop.

Very well.

I’ll make it stop.

Ah, too easy. Here he is: My man. Under my Cataclysm, just about to disappear. And I don’t want him gone. But I want Marinette to suffer just as much as I’m going to suffer from now on if these two get together. How do you expect me to endure it? I can’t.

Luka has to go.

And again, he’s not trying to fight back. Or protect himself. Or anything at all.

His blue eyes, deep and wide as the ocean keep staring at mine, and there’s only one coming from them: TRUST.

I see my own eyes reflected on his, and I notice something I wasn’t aware of: DOUBT. And my inner fears rise again: fear of becoming evil, regret of almost hurting the only man that has been willing to accept me as I am, sadness because I still wish for his happiness, even if it isn’t with me and embarrassment for failing him- his trust in me.

And I can’t keep fighting against these feelings anymore. I can’t keep fighting against his love for my rival. Their mutual love. Their happiness.

I can’t keep becoming what I promised myself I would leave behind: my embarrassing and miserable past- the Chloe that hurt people with no regret, the Chloe that would do anything for selfish reasons only, the Chloe that bullied Luka’s sister and treated her best friend as a slave… The Chloe I’m ashamed of.

I’m sorry for disappointing you, Luka. I’m so sorry...

I promised Luka I would change. And I have to keep my promise, just like he has always been honest to me. I hate it, but I know it’s what I have to do. So ridiculous...

And Ladybug's yo-yo is already immobilizing me. No need, actually, but go on. I don’t care.

I can’t fight anymore. No need to stay transformed either.

It’s over. And I lost.

See? Luka has too much power on me...

I gaze at Ladybug’s eyes to speak my regret. I’ve always admired Ladybug. I wanted to be like her. What happened to me? Deep down I know she’s the most impressive girl out there. I hate to admit it but who could hate Ladybug? No one. She’s simply the best. And I’m just a silly selfish woman scared of being alone.

“See? That’s how a villain acts. You’re a superhero, you could never be a proper villain. Stop acting dramatic over something you’ve never worked hard to get. Crying solves nothing. Waiting solves nothing. You have to fight for what you want”

Ah… I’m probably saying those words to myself. I don’t know. But I know I’m not wrong.

“I’m not-! Oh...”

Yeah… I know. The truth hurts. I want to cry too… I wish I were her… If I was her…

I’ll let her know so she stops doing stupid things from now on.

“You’re utterly ridiculous, Dupain-Cheng. You have everything I’ve always wanted and you thought your best option was to throw away the world's balance without even fighting or trying to win him back? You don’t know how Lucky you are…”

No… I’m aware it’s not a matter of luck, but my pride won’t let me say it out loud. Marinette has always been honest, pure, sincere. On the other hand, I've relied on lies and tricks to get Luka by my side. Of course I can't win against that…

Damn it. I hate crying in front of other people. So WEAK. So ridiculous.

And Luka’s hug only makes me weaker. I don’t want to let him go. Please… Please I want him to stay with me...!

But no- it can’t be.

I’ve already done my best and I lost. I have to give up. Move on…

Ah, I can hear Luka’s voice…

“Thank you, Chloe… You did this to save Marinette, don’t you? I know you wouldn’t have Cataclysmed me or anyone. I knew you had changed. You are a superhero, not a villain”

And his words finish me, regretting my actions, ashamed of who I am.

I thought I had changed too, but it seems I’m still putting myself first, even now.

But yes, his stupidity is contagious and I can’t hide how he's the reason I stopped my wrong-doings. In a direct and an indirect way. Not that I can admit it! I really don’t want to disappoint him any further. So I answer with a lie:

“I- I- Of course!”

Who am I kidding? No way he believes- NO WAY. Let me pass out already! His smile is too pure and bright.

Totally ridiculous.

And I’m still stunned when everyone returns to Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Master Fruit or whatever apologizes and tells her something I don’t even care about.

Can’t this girl stop crying already? She’s got what she wished for now. Can’t she see how happy and stupidly in love is my Luka looking at her? Is she never stopping to be ridiculous? Gosh… And now what? Only now you noticed our injuries? Hell, I’m the most injured one here and no one seems to care. Nevermind, I’m already used to it. Let me go back home already. The humidity of this place is destroying my hair.

Can’t you stop talking already? And there is Marinette with her speech…

"I, Marinette Dupain-Cheng renounce the box of the Miraculous and appoint Ad-"

WAIT, WHAT!?

NO NO NO! This is not how things are supposed to be done, Luka! You can’t just kiss her like that! And you have the guts to kiss her in front of me? At least you should have the decency to break-up with me first! I know I’ve already lost you- I’ve already resigned myself- but at least follow the proper order, damn it! I’m angry. Let me tell you!

“HOW YOU DARE, baby!? You’re ridiculous! We’re still engaged! How could you-!”

Huh? What is happening…? I’m so… sleepy…

Ploff

#my fic #airipyon #airip4 #fic: last chance #lukanette fic #Chloe POV

26 notes · View notes

inyournightmares97 · 5 years

Text

Ultimatum (Part 1)

Park Jinyoung is a master negotiator. He’s used to preying on people’s weaknesses and manipulating them to get his way. So he can’t understand you; a lawyer who sees the world in black and white, as either good or bad. Conflict is inevitable.

But if the two of you can just set aside your differences, perhaps you can perform miracles together

Word Count: 3.5k+

Warnings: Angst, office!au, enemies to lovers!au. Some language.

Part 1: In Which You Win

Part 2: In Which He Wins

Part 3: In Which the Common Enemy Appears

Part 4: In Which You Work Together

Part 5: In Which Nobody Wins (coming soon)

Part 6: In Which Everybody Wins (coming soon)

Midas, they called him in Sales. Because everything he touched turned to gold, and there wasn’t a single lead that Park Jinyoung couldn’t eventually convert into a paying client. He was relentless. His clever tongue worked with his cunning mind to spin even the most unfavorable situation into an attractive opportunity.

Jinyoung was a master negotiator.

He could convince anyone to do what he wanted them to.

Except you.

-----------------------------------------------------

“He’s coming, he’s coming,” Yugyeom hissed urgently. “Wow, he looks maad.”

You didn’t look up from your laptop. There was no need. You could hear the ominous sound of Park Jinyoung’s expensive leather shoes walking towards the Legal Department’s corner of the office. The company had recently adopted an open floor concept, meaning there were no more cubicles or individual offices to hide behind. Just flat tables, couches and colorful beanbags.

The CEO thought the lack of walls and barriers encouraged collaboration and creativity. Really, it just made it easier for people to come and complain to you while you were busy.

A shadow fell over your table.

“Why did you reject the term sheet I submitted?”

You took a deep breath and looked up. Park Jinyoung was undeniably handsome. He had big, innocent brown eyes and kissable plump lips. His shoulders were broad and the buttons of his formal white shirt were slightly strained across his chest. Dark hair fell carelessly into his eyes.

He might have been attractive, if he hadn't been glaring at you like you had murdered his first-born son.

“I didn’t reject your term sheet,” you told him calmly before you turned back to your laptop. There was a meeting in half an hour and you didn’t have much time to prepare. Park Jinyoung always picked the worst time to throw a tantrum. “I made some edits and sent it back to you for approval. You can take your time to approve it and then we’ll draft the agreement accordingly.”

Park Jinyoung’s hand landed on your desk and he leaned forward. The scent of his cologne overwhelmed you.

“Well, I don’t approve. You’ve changed half the terms! It’s an entirely different contract from what I originally negotiated, the client is never going to sign it!” he insisted. His lips were pressed together and you could see his eyebrows furrowing.

“We only changed what was problematic, Mr. Park.”

“You changed most of it,” he corrected.

“Then it would appear that most of it was problematic. This is why we recommend that you have someone from Legal in the room with you when you negotiate with clients. That way, you won’t make promises that the company can’t legally afford to follow through with.”

Jinyoung scoffed. "Oh, I see. So now I'm a bad negotiator?"

God. Did you have to go through this every time Park Jinyoung negotiated a new deal? It was exasperating. He never did what you asked but somehow expected Legal to sign off on his outrageous terms. Just because he could sweet talk the client into paying incredibly large amounts for shitty products didn't mean that his exploitative agreements would hold up in a court of law.

"You're an excellent negotiator, Mr. Park, but we have to do our jobs. There's a reason the legal department is required to approve your term sheets before drafting the final agreement. We have to make sure the company isn't going to be facing any legal risks. In your case, the risks are enormous."

"You have no idea what you're doing."

You bristled. "Don't I?"

Jinyoung's grip tightened on your desk. "This is the biggest client and the largest deal of the year. Do you know how many other companies were bidding for this client? At least fifteen. It's a ten million dollar deal. I got them to accept our terms. Me."

"I know. The numbers were on the term sheet."

Jinyoung spoke through clenched teeth. "Then why can't you just approve it? Come on. Your job is a mere formality, just sign the bloody term sheet and hand it to one of the interns to draft the agreement!"

"I'll do that once you consent to the changes we made."

"The client won't consent to those changes."

"That's unfortunate," you replied calmly as you stood up and closed your laptop. Jinyoung glowered as he watched you slide it into your bag. "If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend. If you want to discuss this further, you can email me and we'll set up a meeting."

"I will be emailing you," Jinyoung promised firmly. He straightened up and shot you a glare before he walked away. You couldn't help but smile as you watched him leave. Not just because you were relieved to be finally rid of him (for now), but also because he had a rather attractive backside.

It was almost worth the whole headache to be able to watch Park Jinyoung walk away.

"Are you done staring at his butt?" Yugyeom asked you cheekily. "You have a meeting to get to, remember?"

You rolled your eyes.

"Do you have all my files?

"Yup."

"Great. I'm off. And uh, do me a favour and block up my calander for the rest of the week with whatever stupid reasons you can think of. I don't want to be available to meet with Park Jinyoung until next Monday. Let him learn how much of a mere formality we are."

Yugyeom grinned. "Understandable."

-----------------------------------------------

"She's ruining the entire deal!" Jinyoung fumed.

Jackson Wang grunted. He'd had too much to drink the previous night. The entire Sales team had gone out to a bar to celebrate meeting their quarterly targets. Jackson now possessed a painful hangover.

"Uh… what?" he asked groggily.

"That witch from Legal!"

"Did she reject your term sheet?" Jackson asked knowingly.

"Worse! She sent it back to me with all the terms altered! Half the conditions are removed and it's an entirely different contract now! If everything has to be according to what Legal wants then why the fuck do I even bother negotiating with the client? How about Legal just hands me the standard contract and I can pass it on to the client and go- here, this is all my Legal team will allow, take it or leave it?"

Jackson hummed. "That would make our jobs easier."

"I spent months negotiating this deal," Jinyoung complained as he paced up and down the corridor. He ran his fingers through his dark hair in frustration. "It took fourteen meetings with the client reps to convince them to give it to us. And what does that witch do? Types on her laptop with her dainty little nails for five whole minutes and destroys my skillfully negotiated term sheet!"

"Hey, how about some coffee-"

"I don't need coffee! I need my term sheet approved by Legal!"

Jackson raised an eyebrow. "O-kay. But you know, what I usually do is that I take Yugyeom or someone else from Legal with me while I'm negotiating the term sheet with the client so I don't have to-"

“You know what her problem is? She’s deluded herself into thinking that the Legal team is somehow important. It’s not. It doesn’t matter what fancy school she came from or what fancy law firms she worked at before this. Sales is what keeps this company running and she should just be grateful for her nice, comfy 9 to 5 job where she has to do nothing except sign off on agreements that other people spent time and effort negotiating!” Jinyoung ranted.

Jackson yawned. “Are you sure you don’t want coffee? Because I was about to send the intern to go get us some coffee. Hey! Hana! Come over here!”

Hana, who had been sitting a few trendy armchairs away and pretending to look busy, jerked her head up and hurried over. She was a cute young college student- perhaps too shy and hesitant to last long interning with a Sales team full of loud and confident men, but her resilience was admirable.

“Yes, Jackson?” she asked hopefully.

“You look exhausted. Why don’t you take a break and get yourself some coffee? Here, take the company card,” Jackson said generously, pulling out his wallet and offering her the company card. “Get yourself a piece of cake too.”

Hana blinked at the card and then looked at Jackson again. “Uh… thanks. Do you want anything?”

Jackson’s smile widened. “Well since you asked, I wouldn’t mind an Americano. Jinyoung will have a latte, with extra cream since he’s had a rough morning.”

“Okay.”

Jinyoung watched out of the corner of his eye as Hana’s shoulders slumped. It had only been a couple of weeks since the younger girl had started her internship with their department, but she’d done little more than file documents and get Jackson coffee. She was often ignored among the hectic schedules and loud voices of the Sales team.

“Hana!” Jinyoung called out.

“Yes?” she asked hopefully.

“I’m going to have a meeting with Legal about my term sheet soon. Go through the original term sheet and also the edited version Legal sent us once you’re back, I want you to attend the meeting and keep yourself updated with the situation. Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two about red tapism.”

Hana’s eyes brightened. This was the first interesting thing she’d been asked to do all week. “Okay!”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yugyeom shuffled over and cleared his throat.

“Um. You… you have a meeting with Jinyoung at 7pm today,” he told you reluctantly.

Your eyes turned towards him sharply. “What? Yugyeom, I told you not to give him any space to squeeze in until Monday!”

“He sent the intern,” Yugyeom mumbled with a pout.

“The intern?”

“Hana, the intern from Sales. He sent her to ask me to set up a meeting.”

Unbelievable. You resisted the urge to pick up the nearest book and whack Yugyeom’s pouting face with it. How could he be so easily manipulated? Of course Jinyoung would send the pretty young intern from Sales to squeeze a meeting out of Yugyeom while you weren’t around. You groaned and slumped back into your chair.

“Great. Well, since you decided to arrange a meeting that I explicitly told you not to, you can stay back late with me to prepare and attend it,” you replied. You were a kind, but unforgiving boss. “Print out the term sheet and make a note of all the changes we made. I want detailed reasoning behind every edit. Park Jinyoung won’t extract so much as an unnecessary comma out of me.”

“But that’ll take forever!” Yugyeom whined. “We made so many changes!”

You frowned. “That’s why I told you to hold him off until Monday.”

“Sorry,” he muttered.

Yugyeom shuffled away to prepare for the meeting while you leaned back in your chair and sighed. It had been a long day. The company was undergoing a major restructuring, which meant that there were a lot of legal compliances to handle in addition to your ordinary work. You had been hoping to go home early today and take a nice, long shower.

Damn you, Park Jinyoung.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“She’s as stubborn as a mule,” Jinyoung explained to Hana as they walked towards the meeting room. The young intern struggled to keep up with Jinyoung’s long strides while paying attention to what he was saying at the same time. “It’s like talking to a brick wall. She doesn’t listen. She just reads out the rules and insists we follow them to a T. People like her lack compassion. They lack empathy.”

Hana blinked, surprised. But you had seemed nice whenever she saw you. You’d even approached her personally on her first day and helped her understand the employee code of conduct and the procedure to follow in case she faced any harassment or discrimination at work.

“O-Oh.”

Jinyoung kept talking. “You need to learn how to negotiate with people like her. They’re the hardest because they enter the room, determined to get their way no matter what.”

“Don’t you do that as well?” she asked.

What? No. I’m different. I get my way through compromise and collaboration. I suggest creative ideas that work for everyone. That’s how you negotiate a deal. She’s not like that. She doesn’t give a damn what the other person wants or does because she sees everything in black and white. Right and wrong. She issues ultimatums. A good negotiator never issues ultimatums. Repeat after me.”

“A good negotiator never issues ultimatums,” Hana said obediently.

“Good. You’re learning already. Now. What’s our bottom line?” Jinyoung demanded.

“Bottom line?”

“You never enter a negotiation without a bottom line. The bottom line is the worst result that you are willing to accept. If you can’t get the other party to agree to your bottom line, then you walk away from the negotiation immediately. It’s a safety net you set for yourself from clever people who might convince you to giving up more than you should.”

Hana bit her lip. “Bottom line. Right. Um, I guess maybe getting Legal to agree not to change the sub-licensing terms?”

“That’s a good start.”

“But how are you going to manage this? I read the email Legal sent and if she’s really as stubborn as you say then she’s not going to agree to budge on a single one of the terms. Their reasoning is sound.”

Jinyoung smirked. “Reasoning? We don’t need reasoning. There’s only one way to handle people as stubborn as her.”

“How’s that?”

“Persistence. You wear them out.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sound of Jinyoung’s annoying voice drifted into your ears, but all your exhausted mind could do was vividly visualize his head exploding. How satisfying would that be? To see his pretty face go poof and his blood and brains and innards coat the walls of the meeting room?

It gave you a dark, morbid pleasure.

“Why are you smiling?” Yugyeom whispered from beside you.

"I'm not," you muttered before turning to focus on Jinyoung's monologue again. The poor intern he had brought to the meeting looked miserable, her head was drooping onto the table. But Jinyoung was still going full steam. You forced yourself to wipe the image of his scattered and bloody brains out of your mind and focused on his words.

"-sub-licensing term was the only competitive advantage I had over the other players so I can't go back and tell them that it's off the table now. How would I look? It would damage the image of the company and question our professionalism!" Jinyoung insisted.

You sighed and repeated the same thing you'd been repeating for the past two hours. You were starting to sound like a broken record.

"Offering sub-licensing rights is against company policy."

Jinyoung gave you a dirty look. "So? Is company policy the word of God? It’s not even law. Can't it be changed for a deal as enormous as this one?"

"That's not in my hands."

Jinyoung leaned forward and placed his hands on the table. His dark eyes were suddenly pleading. "Come on. You know that if you refuse to approve this then I'll have to escalate it to Senior Management for approval and that could take weeks. The client wants to sign the agreement next Wednesday. All I need is for you to sign this one document and all our problems go away."

You were too tired to maintain your composure and your patience snapped. "Our problems? Let's be clear, Jinyoung. This is entirely your problem. You offered the client a term that nobody in their right mind would offer."

"I needed to-"

"No, you didn't. You did it because it was the only way you could win the negotiation. I thought the skill of a good negotiator lay getting the client to agree to our terms? Even I could have secured that contract by offering them a sub-licensing term because nobody else does that. It’s something only an imbecile would do and you agreed to do it."

Jinyoung's eyes darkened. "Oh, we're getting personal now?"

"You called our job a mere formality," you reminded him, while Yugyeom nodded furiously to support you. "There are a range of reasons why the company does not offer sub-licensing rights to our clients under non-exclusive licensing agreements, and I shouldn't have to explain them to you because it's all laid out in our business policy. You would know that better than I do, being a direct part of our business and not a mere formality like me."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "Really? You're going to get snarky? This is a professional environment."

"Yes and it's 10 pm," you replied, slamming your file shut. You were done. "Mr. Park, this meeting has been going on for three hours and we've made no progress. Yugyeom and I are going to get some dinner and go home. You have my edits in hard copy and on email. Once you sign off on them, we'll have the agreement drafted for you and your client to sign."

Jinyoung glowered. "But we haven't-"

"It's the edited term sheet or nothing, Jinyoung. Take it or leave it. This is what I believe negotiators refer to as an ultimatum," you replied firmly.

Jinyoung's lips pressed together and he folded his arms across his chest. The expression in his dark eyes was dangerous.

"Never issue an ultimatum unless you're prepared to face the consequences."

"What consequences? You getting chewed out by the client?" you chuckled as you stuffed your file into your bag and stood up. "I won't be losing a wink of sleep over that. Good luck explaining it to them."

"I can't believe-"

"Hana? Would you like to join us for dinner? We're going to get some pizza," you offered her kindly. The sleepy intern perked up, but her face fell instantly when she noticed the warning glare Jinyoung shot her.

"Uhh, maybe another time, ma'am…"

"Suit yourself. Good night, Mr. Park."

Jinyoung ignored you, and you gestured for Yugyeom to follow you out of the office room. He hurried after you into the corridor nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Mr. Park doesn't look happy. I don't think he's going to let this one go. What could his next move be?" Yugyeom wondered.

You sighed.

"I don't know. But he has all weekend to plan it so let's not get too comfortable."

-------------------------------------------------

Jinyoung's blood boiled whenever he thought of you.

He had never met a woman like you before. You behaved like a strict school-teacher, lording over everyone with the almighty company policy in your hand as if it was some divine teaching and refusing to let anyone toe the line around it. It was just a stupid policy. Jinyoung had never let a document get in his way. Jinyoung had never let a woman get in his way.

Jinyoung had never let anything get in his way.

“So, um… what do we do now?” Hana asked doubtfully. She had seen Park Jinyoung in action before and had watched him negotiate like a wizard. She knew he was an excellent salesperson. But you had played the role of a brick wall during the meeting by refusing to consider any of the options put forward to you. “We didn’t get our bottom line. She refused to accept the sub-licensing terms. What’s the next step?”

Jinyoung bit his lip as he leaned back in his chair. “Do you know what a BATNA is, Hana?”

Hana blinked. “BATNA?”

“It’s an acronym. Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. If the negotiation fails, what’s our next best choice? Go on. Give it a shot.”

“Uh….” Hana hurried to reach for a copy of the company policies and quickly flipped towards the section which talked about the mechanism for escalating disputes. “I guess according to company policy, we should escalate the issue to senior management-”

Jinyoung let out an irritated huff and closed his eyes. “Hana.”

“Yes, sir?”

“Don’t ever open that company policy book in my presence. In fact, burn it so I never have to see it again. The stupid thing reminds me of that witch,” he snapped. Jinyoung opened his eyes and stared at Hana firmly. “You’re not in the Legal Department. You don’t need the rulebook. You’re with Sales now. Here in Sales, you need to do anything necessary under the sun to secure the deal. So try again, without opening the rulebook this time. What is the best alternative we have to a negotiation?”

Hana shook her head. “I-I don’t know.”

Jinyoung sighed. “Blackmail, Hana. Our next best alternative is blackmail.”

“Uh…”

“I know what you’re thinking. What could that witch have possibly done wrong in her life, could she even have a single black mark on her spotless record?”

“Does she?”

“Of course not. She’s like a teacher’s pet. She derives her iron-clad confidence from the fact that she always follows the rules. You won’t find anything on her no matter how deep you dig. But you know who isn’t that strong and who has done something worth blackmailing?”

Hana blinked. “Who?”

Jinyoung smirked.

“Kim. Yugyeom.”

#got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 scenario #got7 jinyoung #jinyoung scenarios #jinyoung scenario #jinyoung angst #jinyoung fluff #got7 angst #got7 fluff #got7 fanfic #got7 fanfiction #park jinyoung #got7 series #jinyoung series

534 notes · View notes

iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 years

Text

i read an article from the aussie abc today about how hard people are finding the job hunting/seeking etc process in the pandemic in australia. and like. i hella feel this particular story.

because how many times have i gone through absolutely bullshit “time-wasting icebreaker” activities like “film an icebreaker video to tell us about yourself! if we like you, we move you to the next stage 😊😊!” before i EVEN BEGIN the 4 step interview processes (online “video interview” where you prepare responses for your webcam but you don’t actually talk to a person, a phone screening interview where you get grilled by some HR department person, a group in office interview with anywhere between 5 to 25 other people in a room (an “assessment centre”)..... and then a final interview one on one.... for example, of which i fail at the phone screening). then all the bullshit criteria hoops and 10 billion and one (1) different ways of psychometric and personality testing.... for corporate graduate programs and even general shop clerk positions at fucking just jeans or woolies etc for casual jobs alike???? too many fucking times.

how many times have i been left in the lurch for literally like 4 to 6 fucking months after applying for jobs across the board, only to find out that i never got the job anyway???? and also where it was at the point where i’d forgotten that i’d even applied to those jobs in the first place???? again, too many times. as i’ve said before on here: no matter how many fucking applicants there are for a job, how fucking hard can it be to send out an automated mass email to all the failed applicants- within a reasonable window from their rejected applications or failed interviews- that says “oh sorry! you didn’t get the job! try again next year 😌!!!”????? like fucking honestly. all the emails of the unlucky applicants are in your fucking company databases anyway???? it literally shouldn’t be that hard to press a button on a mass email to all of them at once or large quantities of them in a few mass emails??? or maybe i just don’t know enough about HR departments and the way they work 🤷🏻‍♀️. idk.

obviously i can give a good reason as to why some companies took so long to reply in regards to my rejection. for example, i applied for a job on linkedin that was located in sydney in aus, but the company did their on-boarding training solely in san francisco, meaning that i had to have a visa and a passport for the US. neither of which i possess or could afford at the time. they took 6 months to get back to me, but i understood my rejection. and i felt that at point that it was goddamned obvious that i didn’t qualify 😂.

but 6 months for a clothes shop to tell me that i didn’t get a job??? by which point i’d literally forgotten that i’d actually applied to them the year before for a christmas position??? poor form. another company who took another 4-6 month gap to find my application in their spam folder??? inexcusably poor form. but at least they were genuinely sorry, because it was an actual person sending the apology email and not an automated message from HR. most grad programs have good response times to your failed interviews and tests, though. but the 4,000 different criteria hoops that you have to jump through like a fucking circus performer, make you feel worthless and shitty and especially when you’re finally told that you didn’t get it.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona’s job hunting thoughts and woes lmao

9 notes · View notes

wordsintimeandspace · 4 years

Text

Better With You (2/6)

Due to a petty feud between their respective department heads, Crowley and Aziraphale have been hiding their friendship for months. When they’re suddenly stuck in lockdown amidst a pandemic, Crowley is not coping well. Thankfully, Aziraphale is there for him - but their changing relationship means that keeping secrets from their bosses only becomes more of a challenge.

Crowley/Aziraphale, rated M (for chapter 4). Read on tumblr or AO3.

When Crowley’s alarm rang, he didn’t even bother to open his eyes. He blindly fumbled for his phone to turn it off and rolled over, pressing his face into the pillow as if that could prevent him from facing just another day in self isolation. It was day 45… or was it 46? Crowley let out a sigh as he realized he’d already lost count. Not that it was surprising - all days just blurred together lately.

Crowley thought about getting up, but his body refused to move. Buried under his blankets, he could at least pretend for a little while longer that everything was okay, soaking in the little comfort the warmth and softness gave him. For a while, he drifted off again, until his alarm rang again, abruptly pulling him back into consciousness.

This time, Crowley actually cracked one eye open to glance at the screen. He swore as he took in the time and leaped out of bed so quickly it left him dizzy. In a rush, he put on the next best shirt he could find, pulled his unkempt hair into a bun and made a cup of coffee before slumping in front of his laptop. He was five minutes late to the daily meeting with Beelzebub and the rest of the team, but thankfully, they only glared at him for a second and didn’t bother to point it out. It was hardly the first time in the last few weeks.

He’d been doing quite well for a little while, Crowley thought as he half listened to Beelzebub going into the details of a new project. He’d gotten out of bed on time, managed to get his work done, cooked dinner in the evening and continued his Golden Girls rewatch until it was time for bed all over again. It had been fine. A bit boring, but nothing he couldn’t deal with. At some point though things had gotten off the rails, and from there it had gone downhill so quickly as if he’d been doing a freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulphur.

“Crowley,” Beelzebub growled at some point, pulling Crowley out of his thoughts. He sat up a little straighter. That he could only see Beelzebub’s face on a tiny computer screen didn’t make his supervisor any less intimidating.

“Yeah?” Crowley asked, hoping he hadn’t missed anything crucial.

“I expect you to join the meeting with Gabriel later today. Don’t be late this time.”

Crowley’s heart made a pathetic leap in his chest. He hadn’t really caught what the meeting was about, but there was always a good chance that someone else from client relations was there as well. Nevertheless, Crowley desperately tried not to get his hopes up. He hadn’t worked with Aziraphale since their last project was wrapped up. Instead, he’d been dealing with Sandalphon of all people, as if he hadn’t been suffering enough already. He wasn’t quite sure if he could take that today, but it was not like he had a choice when there was a job to do.

“Sure,” he finally managed to get out just before everyone logged off.

Crowley let out a weary sigh, running a hand down his face. He downed his coffee, and tried to get to work.

~~~

He managed to get through his emails in just under an hour, but as soon as he pulled up the code he as working on, his exhaustion caught up on him. His brain felt like it was filled with cotton, all his thoughts slow and sluggish. Crowley stared at his screen, unable to focus, as the minutes ticked by. Finally, while letting out a theatrical groan, Crowley gave up. He slammed his laptop shut and got up, only to collapse face down onto the couch in his living room.

He’d worked from home before, but it had never felt like this. There was a difference between doing it willingly and relishing the extra half hour of sleep he got without his morning commute, and not having a choice in the matter. The walls of his flat suddenly felt so close it was almost suffocating. The whole place felt emptier, quieter. Lonelier.

Crowley rolled on his back, staring at the ceiling. That was the whole point, he thought. He actually missed people. Even Hastur and Ligur, he had to admit with a cringe, and if that thought wasn’t the best sign of his deteriorating sanity he didn’t know what else was. Hastur and Ligur weren’t good company, usually, but they were still company, and in that moment Crowley would’ve preferred that over the emptiness of his flat.

But most of all, he missed Aziraphale. All the little things: the hidden smiles when they passed each other on the corridor and no one was looking. The sneaky glances when Beelzebub and Gabriel were too busy bickering in just another useless meeting. And all the big things as well: spending their lunch breaks together, laughing and chatting, just enjoying each other’s company. The occasional brush of hands, or knees touching under the table, all the small contacts that always seemed to fuel Crowley for weeks. Without Aziraphale, it felt like a piece of himself was missing, and there was nothing but emptiness where his presence used to be.

Crowley let out a groan, pressing his palms against his eyes to will back the tears burning in them. He knew he was being dramatic, but that knowledge didn’t exactly help him to feel better. He hadn’t heard from Aziraphale in weeks. There’d been a couple of email exchanges, in the first two weeks, but that had been work and Aziraphale’s words had always felt too stiff and formal to provide any comfort. He could call him, Crowley mused, but so far their meetings had always resolved around work and he wasn’t sure if crossing that barrier between a work friendship and something more than that was actually welcome. He didn’t dare to try find out, sure that a rejection would only shatter him completely.

Crowley took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. It didn’t help to think about these things. With a sigh, he dragged himself off the couch, forced himself to eat some toast as an early lunch, and got back to work.

~~~

Things were going smoother this time around. By mid afternoon Crowley was exhausted, but he had finished his tasks for the day. Sighing in relief, he pushed his code to the repository and stretched in his chair. Only one more meeting to get through, and then he’d have the whole weekend ahead of him. Finally time to yell at his plants and maybe go for a drive and wallow in self-pity in peace instead of forcing his uncooperative brain to be productive.

He didn’t feel like testing Beelzebub’s patience any more today, so he logged into the video conference five minutes early. Drumming his fingers on the table, he waited for the others to join, but he wasn’t prepared for Aziraphale’s face suddenly appearing on his screen.

Crowley felt it like a blow, the air knocked out of his lungs in an instant. The video flickered, just for a second as the connection was established, and then he was there. Pudgy cheeks and soft cloud of hair and eyes sparkling as he saw Crowley. Aziraphale smiled brightly and Crowley couldn’t help but smile back. The movement of his muscles felt stiff and foreign after the last few weeks.

“Crowley!” Aziraphale beamed. “My dear, it’s so good to see you.”

“Hi,” Crowley croaked, suddenly at a loss of words.

“I’ve been hoping Beelzebub would get you involved in this,” Aziraphale happily continued, oblivious that Crowley felt close to a heart attack. “I cannot tell you what an utter nuisance it was to deal with Dagon. I’ve-”

Aziraphale abruptly stopped himself as the screen flickered and Beelzebub’s face popped up in the conference. Crowley cringed, his heart clenching painfully in his chest as Aziraphale schooled his bright smile into a more neutral expression.

“Err. Hi.”

“Hello, Crowley. Aziraphale,” Beelzebub buzzed, dark eyes darting over the screen. “Now, where izz Gabriel? Can’t he be on time for once in his life?”

Crowley bit back a sigh, his good mood gone as suddenly as it came. He slouched in his chair, forgetting for a moment that the camera tracked every one of his emotions fluttering over his face. Beelzebub probably didn’t notice, but Aziraphale had always been good at reading him like one of his precious books.

Aziraphale frowned in response. “Are you doing all right in lockdown so far?” he asked, concern creeping into his voice.

“We’re not here to exchange pleasantries,” Beelzebub interrupted before Crowley could even open his mouth. He sat up a little straighter anyway, hoping to soothe Aziraphale worries, but he doubted it would do anything to hide his weariness.

His mood only went downhill, once Gabriel appeared. He half listened to their discussion that quickly turned into bickering, throwing in a sentence here and there about their current project. Otherwise, he was too distracted by the sight of Aziraphale’s face and the aching longing spreading in his gut. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Aziraphale, soaking in all the little expressions on his face. It felt like he’d been drowning and the sight of Aziraphale’s pale blue eyes was the first gasp of air, the relief of finally being able to breathe again.

“Crowley, focus,” Beelzebub hissed at some point, making Crowley jump. Aziraphale frowned again, a deep crease appearing between his eyebrows, and Crowley cursed himself for making him worry. Beelzebub and Gabriel, on the other hand, simply looked annoyed.

“Err, sorry,” Crowley managed to get out. He had no idea what Beelzebub had just said before calling him out. “Can you repeat that?”

Beelzebub repeated their question and Crowley answered dutifully, forcing his scattered thoughts on the actual conversation until eventually everything on the agenda had been discussed. They set up another meeting, and finally, to Crowley’s utter relief, both Gabriel and Beelzebub logged off and he was alone with Aziraphale at last.

For a moment, no one spoke. Crowley took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves and stop squirming under Aziraphale’s attentive eyes.

“How are you doing in lockdown, my dear?” Aziraphale finally asked once again, clearly concerned. “Are you all right?”

Crowley closed his eyes for a moment, contemplating the question. There were so many things he could say. I miss you, he could admit. I don’t think I’m holding it together very well. I’m so lonely it aches, sometimes. If you don’t touch me very soon I might shatter into a thousand little pieces and it’s gonna be a bloody mess. But the words felt too big to be let out just like that, in a blasted video conference, even though it felt like they were tearing Crowley apart on the inside. He opened his eyes to see Aziraphale’s frown deepen.

“I’m bored,” he finally said, after the silence went on for too long, because it was the only thing coming to his mind that wouldn’t leave him with his soul exposed. “So bored. Trenscedentally bored.”

“Oh.” Aziraphale sounded a little taken aback, as if he had expected something entirely else from Crowley. Something more like the truth perhaps, but Crowley was too much of a coward. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I - yeah. Well.” Crowley grimaced at his stuttering. “Nothing to be done about it. At least we’re all in the same boat, with everyone being miserable.”

Aziraphale hesitated for a moment. “I’m not miserable,” he finally said.

“Oh?”

“To be completely honest, I’ve been enjoying the extra time at home. I’ve been catching up on my reading. So many books I’ve wanted to read for years. Oh, and I’ve been making cake!”

Crowley stared at Aziraphale’s face on the screen, struggling to follow the conversation. “... cake?” he finally managed to get out.

“Quite a lot of cake, actually.”

“I’m gonna regret asking, but, uh…”

“Well, all the restaurants and cafés are closed, but I did find a cookbook when I was reshelving some of my collection the other day,” Aziraphale said with gleaming eyes. “And I got peckish. I’ve now made bundt cake, sponge cake, angel’s food cake, and I’m just starting with a sourdough loaf.”

It felt like something cracked inside of Crowley’s chest. The joy in Aziraphale’s voice, the excitement, it was all too much. It stung like boiling water on his skin, that Aziraphale was so happy without Crowley, while Crowley himself was an utter mess. But maybe it would help if he could be near him, just for a short while. Just long enough to soak up some of that joy radiating off Aziraphale, just enough to numb the aching emptiness in his chest. Maybe then Crowley would be able to make it through all this. He took a deep breath and gathered all his courage, even though it felt like his fear would choke him.

“You know, maybe I could, um, slither over sometime,” he started hesitantly, his voice hoarse. “Help you eat all that cake? I mean, we have both been in isolation for weeks now, should be safe, yeah?”

Aziraphale looked utterly taken aback for a moment. His silence was enough to shatter Crowley’s fragile hope. “I- I- I’m afraid that would be breaking all the rules,” Aziraphale finally stammered. “We’re all meant to stay at home.”

“Right,” Crowley muttered. He was so tired, all of a sudden. All he wanted was to lie down and sleep for at least a couple of months, if not a whole century. “Yeah, sure. Listen, I’ve got to go. Bye, angel,” he said in a rush, slamming his laptop shut before Aziraphale had the chance to reply.

Crowley let out a groan before dragging himself to the bedroom and collapsing face down onto the mattress. He fished his phone out of his pocket, turning it on silent and throwing it away from him with enough force that it bounced off the mattress and clattered to the floor. He didn’t bother to pick it up. Instead he just closed his eyes, waiting for sleep that didn’t come.

Slowly, the room grew dark around him. Crowley was drifting between sleep and wakefulness for a long while, not able to escape into unconsciousness properly, but enough to slow down his scattered thoughts and numb his hurt feelings. Night was already approaching by the time Crowley opened his eyes again. His bedroom was nothing but dark silhouettes, only illuminated by an annoyingly bright and insistent flashing coming from somewhere on his floor. With a sigh, Crowley lifted his head enough to see that it was his mobile. He stared at it until the screen turned dark again. For a moment Crowley contemplated just ignoring it to roll over and try falling asleep once more, but eventually he dragged himself out of bed and picked up his phone.

His heart clenched in his chest. Three missed calls from Aziraphale. For a moment, Crowley just dumbly stared at the screen. Maybe he did actually manage to fall asleep, and this was nothing but a torturous dream. But then his screen lit up another time. Crowley took a deep breath and finally picked up.

“Angel,” he said in greeting, not bothering to hide the weariness in his voice.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale breathed out, voice so full of relief that it made something ache in Crowley’s chest. “I’m so glad I finally got through.”

“Sorry. Was taking a nap,” Crowley mumbled. “What do you want?”

The following silence seemed to stretch on for millenia. “You know,” Aziraphale finally started, slowly, carefully, as if every word was so fragile it might break on his lips. “I was thinking. People are still allowed to, ah, spend the lockdown with their… significant other.”

Crowley’s breath caught in his throat. “We’re not… significant others though,” he croaked, because it was true, even though the words felt like acid on his tongue.

“Yes, but… oh, Crowley, I thought I had been quite obvious with my affection for you, and I apologize if that was not the case. I was going to ask you on a date properly first, but given the circumstances… would you still come over? Please? I hate the thought of you all alone in your apartment, my dear.”

There was so much hope, so much affection in Aziraphale’s voice that Crowley had to close his eyes for a moment to will back the tears. “Hunker down together until this is over?” he finally managed to get out.

“Yes. If that’s what you want.”

“Yes,” Crowley breathed out. “Yes, angel, of course. I’m on my way.”

#good omens #good omens fic #ineffable hubands #ineffable husbands fic #crowley x aziraphale #my fic #my fic: better with you #this is the 'I'm projecting my working from home feelings' onto Crowley part #so he's having a bit of a hard time #but I promise it gets better at the end of this chapter

19 notes · View notes

rinnnyxr · 3 years

Text

About my day | Bold what is also true for you :

I woke up around 8AM.

I woke up without an alarm. I woke up nude.

I woke up and drank water immediately.

I checked my phone right when I woke up. I checked my TikTok notifications.

I checked my Facebook notifications.

I then checked my email.

I then went downstairs. I got dressed to go out.

I was in the passenger seat of the car today.

I wore a hat today.

I put concealer on.

I put foundation on.

I put on powder.

I used a beauty blender.

I didn’t brush my hair today.

I wore ugg boots.

I wore jeans.

I wore a zip-up.

I went out to breakfast.

I had 3 cups of coffee.

I had a glass of ice water.

I had pancakes.

I had a bagel.

^ with cream cheese.

I saw friends today.

I saw my boyfriend today.

I saw my goddaughter today.

I gave someone a hug.

I gave someone a kiss.

I pet a cat today.

I uploaded video.

I took a photo today.

I updated that photo to Instagram.

I’m currently listening to music. I’m currently on my laptop.

I’m currently in PJ’s. I’m currently surprisingly comfortable.

I took a shower.

I took a shower but not alone ;)

I have the heat on currently. I wore a bracelet today.

I wore a ring today.

I listened to the radio.

I listened to music on Apple Music.

I didn’t post a Facebook status today. I checked the fridge and saw nothing appetizing. I washed my face.

I used rose water spray on my face.

I used a face moisturizer.

I googled a celebrity. I had cheese and crackers.

I may take a nap soon.

I saw my mom today. I saw my sister today.

I thought about calling my dad today.

I’m not currently wearing socks.

I’m not alone in the room currently.

It’s windy out today. It hailed out today.

I’m really thirsty.

I’m too lazy to get up and get myself a drink right now.

I paid for something with cash today.

I thought about cleaning my room but didn’t…

I listened to God’s Plan by Drake today.

I didn’t blow-dry my hair today. I’m gonna play video games soon.

I’m going to take some more surveys after this. I drank something out of the carton today.

I’m not leaving the house for the rest of the day.

I can see my pet from where I am currently.

There is a TV to my right.

There are headphones to my left.

It’s Sunday today.

I have work tomorrow.

I got in a small argument today.

I told someone I loved them today.

1. had sex? 2. bought condoms? 3. gotten pregnant? 4. failed a class? 5. kissed a boy? 6. kissed a girl? 7. used a little paper bag for lunch? 8. had a job? 9. slipped on ice? 10. missed the school bus? 11. left the house without my wallet? 12. bullied someone on the internet? 13. sexted? 14. had sex in public? 15. played on a sports team? 16. smoked weed? 17. smoked cigarettes? 18. smoked a cigar? 19. drank alcohol? . 20. watched “The Breakfast Club”? 21. been overweight? 22. been underweight? 23. had an eating disorder? 24. been to a wedding? 25. made fun of someone for being fat? 26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight? 27. watched tv for 5 hours straight? 28. been late for work? 29. been late for school? 30. kissed in the rain? 31. showered with someone else? 32. failed my drivers test? 33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes? 34. been outside my home country? 35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? 36. had lice? 37. gotten my heart broken? 38. had a credit card? 39. been to a professional sports game? 40. broken a bone? 41. been unhappy about my weight? 42. won a trophy? 43. cut myself? 44. had an STD? 45. got engaged? 46. been on a diet? 47. tried out to be on a tv show? 48. rode in a taxi? 49. been to prom? 50. played a drinking game? 51. stayed up for 24 hours or more? 52. been to a concert? 53. had a three-some? 54. had a crush on someone of the same sex? 55. been in a car accident? 56. had braces? 57. learned another language? 58. killed an animal? 59. been at a yard sale? 60. been to a Japanese steakhouse? 61. wore make up? 62. talked to someone via webcam? 63. lost my virginity before I was 16? 64. had my wisdom teeth taken out? 65. kissed someone a different race than myself? 66. snuck out of the house? 67. bought porn? 68. had a virus on my computer? 69. had oral sex? 70. dyed my hair? 71. gone skinny dipping? 72. graduated from college? 73. wore someone else’s clothes? 74. voted in a presidential election? 75. rode in an ambulance? 76. rode in a helicopter? 77. caught the stove on fire? 78. got in a verbal fight? 79. met someone famous? 80. been on vacation? 81. been on a boat? 82. been on an airplane? 83. broken something expensive? 84. had surgery? 85. kissed someone before I was 14? 86. beat a video game? 87. found something valuable on the ground? 88. made a survey? 89. stalked someone on a social network? 90. prank called someone? 91. spent over $100 shopping in one day? 92. been to a library outside of school? 93. cut my hair and hated it? 94. peed outside? 95. went fishing? 96. helped with charity? 97. taken a pregnancy test? 98. been rejected by a crush? 99. been suspended from school? 100.broken a mirror?

2008 was a horrible year for me. Actually, it was the best. I’ve been on a cruise before. I like chemistry more than biology. I like taking surveys more than making them. I absolutely despise the color pink. I don’t have a significant other. I get all four seasons where I live. I only shop when I absolutely have the need to. I have an older brother. I have my driver’s license. I don’t want to have kids someday. I wear more jeans than skirts. I’d rather wear sneakers than high heels. I don’t go to church. I don’t like having my fringe in my face. I’m very much into heavy metal music. I own like, a hundred hoodies. I couldn’t draw to save my life. I’m a very good cook. I always have to look at the keyboard when I type. I’ve had surgery before. I don’t mind getting shots all that much. I’m not afraid of bugs. I love hot, hot weather! I have huge eyes and long lashes. I’m naturally very pale. I’m usually not very picky at all when it comes to food. My parents are divorced. I don’t like doing surveys, but I find myself doing them anyway. I’m addicted to Tumblr. I don’t have a Facebook account. I have perfect vision and don’t need glasses or contacts. I don’t wear makeup when I go out. I hate stores like Forever 21. I’m very much into sports. I don’t see what the big deal about photography is. Or fashion design. I don’t really appreciate art that much. Horror movies are my favorite. I don’t care if people cut in line in front of me. I don’t even remember the last time I put on a piece of jewelry. My hair is naturally straight. I support gay marriage. I have more friends online than I do in real life. My siblings are all older than I am. My significant other is younger than I am. I curse in almost every sentence I speak. I always get straight A’s in exams. I don’t know how to play any instrument. I only know how to speak one language. I don’t have my own personal blog. I’m allergic to something. I’ve been stung by a bee at least once in my life. This is the last survey I’m doing today. I have seen someone propose in public before. And they got rejected, poor bloke. I wonder if I will ever get proposed in public. Heck I don’t even know if I’ll ever get married. I know what a sake bomb is. I’ve tried it before. I’ve watched ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’. ^ Ew, sad much? I think Paris Hilton is a brainless bitch. I celebrate Chinese New Year. I’m not Chinese or a tiny bit Asian at all. I have a step-sibling. I have a weak tolerance of alcohol. Are you kidding me? I can drink all night long! I want a new cell phone. I have my own bathroom. I sleep on a single bed. Nah, I have a King/Queen size bed! I think one night stands are no biggie. ^ Slut ^Prude I’ve been on a helicopter before. I’m actually afraid of heights. My date rented a limo to take me to prom. Pfft, I wish I had a date. I haven’t had my prom yet. I like clicking on advertisements. Pop-up ads are so old school. I recently took a bath. I never bother, I just take showers. My Christmas holidays were the bomb! Ugh, mine sucked like hell. I’d love to go to Japan one day. I’ve seen a ghost before. ^ I’d pee in my pants if I did. ^ No, I’d run and scream. I can write lyrics! I can, but I’m not very good at it. I would like to become a musician one day. I love finding things in sofa cracks. I know someone that’s trying very hard to fit in a stereotype. Every cup of water I drink equals to a trip to the toilet. I recently received my exam results. They were quite good! Nope, failed it all. It’s my boyfriend’s birthday today. He never gives me gifts. He buries me with them. I wish I had a boyfriend that actually spends money on me! I love him very much. The Beatles rock my world. Actually, a lot of classic rock bands rock my world. It takes me a really long while to get to sleep. I’m a personality quiz fiend. I am and have always been a night owl. I love reading Sarah Dessen books. My earphones are in my ears practically 24/7. I am an only child and that’s not because of any death. I hate school and everything else connected to it. I’ve never been in any romantic relationship. I have a lot of favorite names. And I plan to use those names on my kids. I’m reading a comic book right now. I’m listening to music right now. I memorize lyrics really easily. But memorizing stuff for school isn’t easy at all. Math is my worst enemy. I love bolding surveys. Nice and easy. I pick Guitar Hero over Rock Band. I really don’t mind being all alone.

1 note · View note

insidesalesjobsinbangalore · 3 years

Text

INSIDE SALES INTERVIEW QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Do you like to switch your career? Here's our recommendation on the important things to need to prepare for the job interview to achieve your career goals in an easy way. inside sales jobs in bangalore is the process of selling the products or services to the customers through phone or online without contacting them personally. They depend on email, phone and internet to provide services. There is huge demand for such jobs as people are more interested in buying things online rather than going to shops. One can check the availability of the job across cities including Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Pune and Hyderabad. Follow Wisdomjobs page for Inside Sales interview queries and answers page to urge through your job interview successfully. Question 1. Why Did You Get Into Sales?

Answer :

You need somebody who will keep thus positively provide less points for those who would say financial edges (like commission and spiffs) as their main motivation.

Question 2. What’s Your ideal Signal That It’s Time to prevent following A Client?

Answer :

You’re searching for determination and persistence. raise them what number tries they're going to make. raise what artistic techniques they’ve used before that turned a “cold-ish” lead into a client. Trish Bertuzzi of The Bridge cluster recommends up to eight attempts before retiring a lead.

Question 3. opt for a subject And Explain?

Answer :

Let them choose one thing they’re capable of explaining thoroughly. What you’re searching for is helpful, advisory trait as critical somebody “giving instructions”. Are they patient in fleshing out details, staring at you for cues of interest or confusion? The necessary thin

Question 4. have you ever Ever Turned a clear stage Away?

Answer :

Sales isn't concerning seeing what sticks–that’s why you kind purchaser personas and pinpoint your ideal purchasers before launching a sales campaign. If your candidate says they're going to ne'er do that, it’s time to try and do some explaining that not all potential customers are smart fits

Question 5. however does one Keep Yourself Updated concerning Your Niche?

Answer :

They should be ready to provide you with specific methodes that they had in situ within their past job. notwithstanding they’re from a special niche, they must demonstrate understanding of why being updated is crucial. Having previous go-to techniques may be a good demo of this

Question 6. What does one Hate concerning Selling?

Answer :

Is their least favorite a part of the sales process an important step in the sales process of your company? could be higher to allow them to walk.

Question 7. What’s Your Ideal Collaboration Process?

Answer :

There are one or two of things to observe out for in their answer to the current question. First, however do they react to the concept of collaboration at intervals sales teams? several sales professionals have sturdy personalities and having the power to collaborate is essential in creating a team shine.

Question 8. Tell Pine Tree State however You’d Use Social Media In Your Selling?

Answer :

Social marketing is touted because the currently of sales. you wish an indoor sales rep who isn't social media-savvy however is aware of the place of social media in inside sales. If they haven’t used social media in selling before, confirm they’re open to learn Associate in Nursingd use social profiles as an extension of your company (or a minimum of produce profiles for that purpose).

Question 9. What’s Your analysis method Before A Sales decision Or A Meeting?

Answer :

It’s necessary to raise them what quite info they’re searching for before the call. apart from basic information, do they appear for important nuggets like mutual connections on LinkedIn? Do they look for cues and clues that will facilitate them any individualise their communications with prospects

Question 10. What does one consider Continuous Learning In Sales?

Answer :

Look at however they’d answer this question not normally asked in interviews. this might provide you with a concept however they answer that occasional unusual person question from purchasers and prospects.

Question 11. In Your Last Sales Position, What Did You concentrate on More, Nurturing Existing consumer Relationship Or Chasing once New Clients?

Answer :

While this question’s answer most likely mostly depends on how their past firms managed sales, you wish to air the lookout for aspirants who grasp that one or the opposite will ne'er be left behind. each are crucial in within sales and increasing the sales pipeline.

Question 12. What Drives You?

Answer :

Screen for punk answers. Get to the core. Is it money? Recognition? serving to others? Being on top? reckoning on what your company’s values are, you’ll get a concept if you have got an applier that would suit your sales culture well.

Question 13. have you ever Ever Had The expertise Of inquiring Why A Deal Failed?

Answer :

You’re searching for salespeople who are persistent and are willing to urge higher once each call. These are the kind of staff that drive success from the sales floor. confirm that they're ready to perceive why this can be important–and if they ne'er had the prospect or direction to try and do so, raise what they would do if they were in such a situation.

Question 14. What will we tend to Do Better?

Answer :

Ideally, your aspirant has analysised concerning your company, your sales method and your products. quite having the proper suggestions, what you’re searching here for is that if they did research before the interview. Major brownie points if they did.

Question 15. however does one keep Positive throughout a troublesome Day?

Answer :

The sales life is ridden with rejection. It’s positively crucial for a salesman to possess the power to self-inject positivism once needed. raise them for his or her techniques.

Question 16. however Would A Past consumer You Closed A Sale For Would Describe You?

Answer :

In the age of advisory selling, we’re searching for words like “knowledgeable” and “helpful”.

Question 17. What Are Your high 3 Approaches once Handling client Objections?

Answer :

Ask them concerning techniques they use when responding to cost objections, early objections and different forms of resistance from customers. Listen if they need a method in place.

Question 18. What Would You Prefer: No Happy Customers Or Not striking Quota every Month?

Answer :

Of course, nobody would like something here–but raise them what’s worse. reckoning on the position they’re interviewing for and also the goals of your company, they will make the incorrect or right answer that will demonstrate their fit.

Question 19. Tell Pine Tree State concerning Your Longest Slump and the way You Turned That Around?

Answer :

It’s smart to allow them to know that yours may be a cheap company. you recognize that everybody has unhealthy spells. raise them to inform you about it: what semiconductor diode to that and how they turned it around.

Question 20. What’s Your Favorite Question To raise Prospects?

Answer :

With today’s sales climate, salespeople are extremely at an advantage asking queries that shooting spiels. raise them what’s their go-to question that gets prospects to open up about their pain points.

Question 21. What Will Be the head Of Your Career?

Answer :

According to Glassdoor, lack of opportunities for growth is one in all the top reasons salespeople endure to seem for one more job. If your company is unable to produce growth opportunities to the person you’re interviewing, you’re at an advantage material possession them walk than to possess to travel through hiring once more previous you’d like.

Question 22. however does one Use Content In Sales?

Answer :

Nurturing leads and attracting prospects through helpful content are major ingredients of the within sales recipe. raise the aspirant how they might use content in day to day operations.

Question 23. Describe Your Ideal Prospect?

Answer :

This may be a take a look at of whether or not they did analysis on your company or not, and if they're capable of marketing to your target purchasers or not. You’d need to lookout for details–how well do they grasp the audience and if they will provides a general summary of the common pain points for ideal clients of your company and product.

1 note · View note

scarlettsabetlondongirl · 4 years

Photo

Poet Scarlett Sabet

In conversation with poet Gerard Malanga for London Magazine.

The London Magazine is England’s oldest literary periodical, with a history stretching back to 1732. Today – reinvigorated for a new century – the Magazine’s essence remains unchanged: it is a home for the best writing and an indispensable feature on the British literary landscape-London Magazine

See here

“After meeting at a French New Wave Cinema book launch in London in November 2019, poets Gerard Malanga and Scarlett Sabet have since kept in regular correspondence via email.

In this unique interview, conducted over several weeks while thousands of miles apart, the two writers discuss shared influences, the recent passing of the Beat Generation poet Michael McClure, and the grounding influence of poetry throughout the international lockdown.

This interview is based on the poets’ original email correspondence and has been edited for clarity.”-London Magazine

GERARD MALANGA: You ask how my week has been? I’ve been in lockdown now for 3 weeks or so, though I might’ve lost count. I have plenty to keep me busy in the house here, plus I have responsibility towards my 3 cats. And then there’s dreamtime, between 4 & 6 in the morning.

But suddenly I felt days back this ennui coming on, like, did the poetry suddenly disappear? Sometimes I’m concerned—but just for a moment mind you—whether I can match or even better the last one? There’s no way I can predict when the muse will appear. If I had the answer, it would vanquish the mystique.

Since I’ve been in lockdown, there’s no going out for me for the morning coffee and The New York Times unfolding on the table. Many a first draft has begun that way, but now with a physical displacement of sorts I can’t claim to be an habitue of the cafe life. The kitchen table serves me well – or wherever I happen to be outdoors – so long as I have a small notebook in my pocket. I even prop myself up in bed with a clipboard pressed against my knees. I follow where I feel a poem coming on. When I start, then I know I’m in for it, but don’t give it the slightest thought. I’m in for the ride.

SCARLETT SABET: Yes, I find sometimes walking in the morning, having a destination, getting into my body and moving get’s the ball rolling with writing. I can understand the ritual of going to a cafe. I’ve written on trains a lot, the motion and rhythm helps, and because I’m in a vacuum in transit I can’t be reached.

I love the image of your 4am dream writing, I think that’s a great ritual. Sometimes I write three pages first thing in the morning, and it’s just anything on my mind. I’ve also found meditation helpful, deepening my state of consciousness and then writing straight afterwards to see what comes out, kind of like automatic writing in the spirit of Austin Osman Spare.

We were both raised Catholic, I wonder if that has had any bearing on your writing or practices? I find a great sense of divinity in art, those moments of inspiration.

GERARD MALANGA: Funny that you would mention that. No one’s ever asked me about my spirituality, that I recall. People have weird notions about me, like I’m some kind of guy about town. I may have a little bit of that too. But spirituality for me is to be able to laugh at yourself. Even when I talk to my cats, I’m laughing at myself. I don’t mean physically laughing as such but going about life without being self-conscious. It helps when I’m writing a poem.

Back in 1970 or so, I had a spiritual conversion. One of my closest friends, a guy named Jim Jacobs, turned me on to the first two Carlos Castaneda/Don Juan books; so we were basically comparing notes and one of the themes that came through for us was to follow your nature to be happy. Suddenly we found ourselves wearing white clothing and calling ourselves the white lights. When we went to London we ended up buying an all-white 1939 Bentley convertible with one windshield wiper not wiping, and it basically gave us the freedom to go visit friends in the English countryside. It sounds hysterically funny when I look back at this, but we were quite sincere in our endeavors. If this was going to be our path we had to be true to the discoveries we made along the way.

During our travels we decided to split off and agreed to re-connect a couple of years later in the Massachusetts Berkshires where he’s from and continue where we left off. Jim ended up being one of the top dealers in the secondary art market handling the likes of Judd and Cy Twombly, and now he’s curating shows. I continued to write poetry without a care in the world and became more attuned to the pictures I was taking. I truly feel I’ve become a better photographer because of the experiences I had. You have to be courageous to suddenly drop out and then drop back in.

Back in ’74, I had this idea for a book of my spiritual poetry that would have as its cover one of those kitschy paintings of Jesus. I called it ‘Poems for the Fat Lady’. You know, the Fat Lady was a phrase I’d picked up from reading Salinger’s Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters, where he’s actually equating Jesus with the Fat Lady, that they were one. That’s pretty neat, I thought. It didn’t go over too well with my publisher who rejected the idea outright. He thought I was joking. So I settled for a kind of even-balanced title, Incarnations,’ and changed the poems around.

Perhaps, the Fat Lady was the closest I ever got to God, though I don’t give it much thought these days. It’s the inspiration and the love that come from it which is the driving force and source for much of what I’m writing nowadays, and that’s the joy when I finally finish a poem. A state of happiness sets in for me.

SCARLETT SABET: And what you said makes sense, I can understand it. Did you have a period where you rebelled against spirituality or Catholicism and were, say, atheist? Although it’s bizarre for me to admit it, once I left school I did swing to atheism, I guess as a way of rebelling or a reaction. School can be dogmatic.

GERARD MALANGA: In hindsight, to embrace atheism, Scarlett, would deny the spirituality within me which accounts for a lot of my poetry as well. There was no real rebellion on my part. I always felt that my guardian angel was looking after me when I was fated to become a poet. Who would I be, otherwise? It’s a scary proposition, come to think of it.

SCARLETT SABET: True, looking back I realise I’ve always had a Guardian Angel too. I’m so sorry for the loss of [influential Beat poet] Michael McClure, and I was moved by the picture you took of him in San Francisco, 1972. What was that day like?

GERARD MALANGA: If I live long enough, God willing, I may end up not knowing anyone because at this juncture a lot of my friends have already passed. Many of them in the obituary series of my most recent book Cool, which you have. I don’t want to slip into a consciousness of perpetual mourning. Yet I hadn’t anticipated that I’d be writing a poem for Michael, but then I opened up to myself and his consciousness flowed right in. Perhaps I had a vacuum to fill at that moment from an external point of view, taking Michael’s place for the poem that would talk to him and he to me.

I remember little of that when I came to visit with him and made his portrait. It was a serene afternoon. Just him and me. I remember distinctly that we went off in his car, perhaps to a restaurant. We were driving somewhere, and that made sense. But for the life of me I remember nothing of what transpired over lunch. With all the history—and it ain’t an awful lot—there’s still a history there to be acknowledged. You know, I performed the part of Billy the Kid in Warhol’s movie which we adapted from Michael’s play, The Beard. Hardly anyone knows this; perhaps in part because I believe the movie has never been shown. So the friendships last and last and continue beyond the grave.

SCARLETT SABET: I’m always struck by the structure of your poems. I was wondering what your approach to this was, whether there was any major influence from particular poets of your youth, or even whether the way that you frame scenes and ideas within poems has any crossover influence from your work in the wider art world?

GERARD MALANGA: Yes, there’s probably a very strict structure to my poems, but it’s casually applied in what the work proposes as possibility, which I don’t even notice when I’m starting out. For instance, for a very long time, the opening to the work begins with an indented first line of let’s say 8 characters. It’s my way of engaging myself and the reader into a form of poetry that’s a radically different departure from what may be normally perceived. Yes, it’s a poem, but I like to think of them as prose poems as well.

I left ‘influences’ behind decades back. I’m pretty much on autopilot. I’m my own navigator. I travel the journey alone. My earliest influence when I literally started was Gerard Manley Hopkins. I was enchanted by his system of ‘sprung rhythm’ which he basically invented with no imitators following. That would’ve been 1959 during the start of the high school year in my senior class. In 1962, I believe, John Ashbery made a profound influence on my early work with his book The Tennis Court Oath. That became my Bible. I’d carry it around my duffle bag wherever I went. But it was Ted Berrigan with his Sonnets in ’64 that unlocked the door for me into what Ashbery was doing and that was a sheer liberating factor. From there the work continued to expand on its own.

The only ‘crossover influence’ that I imagine, as you put it, in the ‘wider art world’ would be my own life, and not the art world, per se. So what we have here is the tendency to open almost all the work in the form of what appears to be a letter on the surface, but is actually a message. I’m addressing the subjects of my poems directly; they’re not ‘about’ the subject. I’m talking directly to them, as if they’re right in the room, whether it’s a person or a cat.

SCARLETT SABET: You mention you don’t write about your subjects but address them directly in your poems. I think this is what makes them so arresting and intimate, particularly in the ‘Lives They Lived’ chapter in your beautiful collection Cool & Other Poems [published by Bottle of Smoke Press]. Each poem is a visceral portal, allowing the reader to be present with you, and witness Christopher Logue against a snowing sky before warming his hands around a mug of cognac, and Anita Pallenberg a vivacious, laughing woman sitting opposite you at Cafe Flore. Also in that chapter you include a poem entitled ‘Gerard Malanga dies’. The poem contains the line ‘I am my only guide now,’ which I found so powerful. Could you tell us how that poem came to be?

GERARD MALANGA: Putting together that section, ‘The Lives They Lived’, I figuratively had to step outside myself. That’s how close I was with many of those listed and to the memories I have of them held dear. It was not an easy section to compile. By the way, ‘The Lives They Lived’, is borrowed from the New York Times‘s annual round-up supplement. I called my contact at the paper to get permission to use it and he saw no problem involved.

Writing ‘Gerard Malanga dies’ was a tricky situation in the need to make it work. It was one of the final poems in the section and it presented me with an opportunity to address certain issues surrounding death and to those friends I’d already acknowledged over a period of nearly 40 years. I also lapse into a bit of my own personal history, as if I’m contemplating how others might see me after I’ve gone: ‘The rabbit hole is waiting for my plunge.’ Somehow, that image of the rabbit hole has emerged in a few of my poems and also echoes back to Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, one of my favorite childhood books.

The rabbit hole is an image for both death and resurrection, as I see it. Here, I question myself, ‘Am I preparing for another life? A return to life?’ And so I treat this poem as slowly nearing its own end with a ‘journey’ back to life ‘…and on and on…’. I equate this with an actual journey I’d taken by train from ‘Glasgow down to Central London…’ back in 2014 where I’d been dreamily staring out the window at a passing landscape I might not ever explore at any other time.

‘Will I even find my way home to the Bronx’ alludes to a movie I’d seen years back I recall, called ‘The Swimmer’ adapted from a John Cheever short story. Starring Burt Lancaster, his character is swimming across a series of backyard swimming pools and encountering neighbors he knew poolside in attempting to reach home. And when he arrives in the pouring rain and runs up to the door, he discovers that the door’s locked and the house is empty. Such a potent ending and darkened cinematic metaphor, brilliantly done. And it’s these private memories in my life resurfacing that I feel nourishes my work.

SCARLETT SABET: We met at a book launch in London, and you were immediately swarmed, surrounded by people. I think that is a testament to the impact your writing has had globally and across generations. How has your home city of New York and its literary landscape changed and evolved for you over the years? Is it something you feel especially connected to?

GERARD MALANGA: Your question speaks volumes, but I’m going to try to be as brief and succinct as I can hope to be as the facts show. I’m seventy-seven now and there have been no accolades to show for it. Cool came out last year and Whisper Sweet Nothings two years prior and together they comprise the best of anything I’ve ever done, and yet they’ve been totally ignored by the New York literary press overall. In the five decades I’ve been publishing I’ve received not one grant or fellowship or any of the prizes totaling in the millions. Nada. Zilch. I can’t even get my memoirs published and I have thousands of fans waiting for this book. You would think that would count for something. I’m grateful for the European attitude towards my work. That’s what keeps the work alive for me. That’s where my audience is and they relate. I love what I do, and I know it shows through the work from the responses at the readings I give and that’s how my work thrives. I love my audience and that’s the truth of it.

SCARLETT SABET: A year ago today, I finished my waitressing shift, went home and listened to what Jimmy [Page] had produced from the recordings we had made of my poems. this became our spoken word album Catalyst. It was a joy to be able to give you our album as I am so moved by your work. It had a sense of synchronicity also, as years earlier, Jimmy had given me a signed edition of your beautiful poem ‘Devotion’.

You said that ‘Cut Up’ was your favourite track on Catalyst. I had christened that poem ‘Cut Up’ simply because it was the first time I had used the William Burroughs/Brion Gysin method. I always feel it’s a handing over, a leap of faith to a higher power, to introduce another energy to it, and it came out with it’s own dark, random rhythm. Burroughs said “when you cut into the present the future leaks out”, and in that sense it has a spell like quality or possibility.

Some poems I’ve written in one sitting, a sort of channeling, like ‘Fifth Circle of Hell’, which is also on Catalyst. But part of the reason I found the cut-up method so liberating that first time was that I was trying to write a poem to encapsulate that period. I felt cautious because the subject matter was focused on the events in Europe and the Middle East, and the horrors and blood shed of the Bataclan attacks in Paris. I think my own identity and ethnicity – my mother is French-Scottish and my father is Persian – gave this piece more weight personally. So really, the cut-up was a way of detaching through the process, which was effective. I suppose I wonder what your thoughts are on cut-ups?

GERARD MALANGA: Scarlett, cut-ups are a tricky business. They almost feel spontaneous, but with every move there’s no turning back. They’re the antithesis to parallel grammatical structures which is how we reform language to make things sound right. You see Bill [Burroughs] stuck with it all his life. Cut-ups were his language and he embraced the process. It’s okay to experiment with language so long as you come out at the other end with something that satisfies you and encourages you to want to do more, to go further. That’s a big commitment. The one thing you want to avoid is being self-conscious in the process, as you put it. There’s no room for self-consciousness in cut-ups. You have to operate on a more or less unconscious level like when you dream.

Of course, you realize this in dreams. I don’t need to tell you. In dreams, nothing really connects or relates. Dreaming is a series of visual and mental disconnects. One thing leads to the next but you don’t know why nor do you have time to stop to know why. It’s like you go with the flow. Excuse the corniness of this. Dreams are the cut-ups of the unconscious. You can’t go back to change anything to make it better. There’s nothing qualitative about it. When that happens to me, I try to maintain the balance of the good and the bad together. All of it. Yes, I’ve done a little tweaking here and there, but only because I’m now in the conscious state and I want to make the lines sound just right. So it’s okay to prune. Robert Lowell taught me how to prune. But you have to know what you’re doing. It’s trusting your instincts. That’s what I do. If I throw out a perfectly terrific line, it’s because I’m trusting my instincts. But, of course, only I know that. The reader doesn’t, nor does he need to.

One of my earliest poems was a form of the cut-up. My English teacher in high school, Daisy Aldan, who introduced me to the world of poetry, gave us an assignment in class to cut out words at random from the newspaper and fill a paper bag with them. The next step was to reach into the bag and pick out one word at a time and place them on a page, and then to transcribe those words into a text, including all the capital and lower-case letters. I did one better and glued them onto the page. This all had to do with chance. Remember, Stéphane Mallarmé, in his last poem ‘Un coup de dés’ said that a ‘a throw of the dice NEVER NEVER will abolish chance.’ Well, he was right about that. You take your chances, you trust your instincts.

SCARLETT SABET: I’ve started reading Gysin’s novel The Process. I bought it last year at Shakespeare&Co but started reading it now to feel closer to Morocco, a place that I really love, while still in lockdown. I wondered what places have meant the most to you?

GERARD MALANGA: I have Brion’s book on my shelf, but I’ve yet to read it. Perhaps I’m still not ready for it yet. Right now I’m immersed in Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. What I like about it is that it reads like it’s not translated but written directly in English. That’s probably the best kind of translated work.

The first place that comes to mind that has meant the most to me, although there may have been others, is the Cafe Flore. It was my first introduction to cafe life when I arrived in Paris in the spring of 1965. And henceforth whenever I’ve visited Paris, I would arrive punctually every morning during my stays. There’s no other cafe that does it for me. Of course, there’s the cafe in the Luxembourg Gardens, but that’s more like a restaurant; a different ambiance entirely. The Flore has a certain something, a certain charm about it that allows me to immerse myself reading the morning papers or writing a poem even. The food’s good too. The croissants, the omelettes, the cafe creme. Some years back, I started referring to it as my ’office’ whenever I had an appointment to meet with friends. And I’d be certain to book a hotel room within walking distance. Anyway, the Flore is the start of my day.

SCARLETT SABET: Well, I hope one day, when the lockdown is over, we can meet you at Cafe Flore.

Photos: London Magazine

#scarlett sabet #jimmy page #jimmy page girlfriend #led zeppelin #poet #poetry #the london magazine #london magazine #gerard malanga

5 notes · View notes

alltimebestbooks · 4 years

Text