#good fucking night i am EXHAUSTED

[sentientsky]

hey do u ever think about how crowley's eyes (a feature he's worked to hide nearly his entire time on earth) were fixated so so so firmly on aziraphale during the final fifteen, to the point where he followed the tiniest of movements, even as tears began to form in his waterline? even as his not-quite-human-heart was splintering in his chest?

CAUSE I DO

how was this permitted to be aired???? knowing full well that angsty queers like me would be sliding down the wall sobbing about it???? (also, if u want to read more about crowley and his eyes, i am once again recommending one of alex's metas: x)

anyway! full gif below the cut!

yippee!

#good fucking night i am EXHAUSTED #see u all in the morning hehe #sorry if this is incoherent btw i am running on FUMES. zero energy. eyes are bleary. mouth is dry. ears are ringing etc. :) #i threw these silly lil gifs together in a free gif program in like. 2 seconds. so i apologize for the shit quality lol #good omens #crowley #also go look at alex's gifs as well! they're rly rly good! lovely colour grading and very crisp! far better than what i can accomplish #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens 2 #aziraphale #go2 #good omens season 2 #ineffable lovers #ineffable wives #gomens #gomens 2 #final fifteen #no nightingales #david tennant #michael sheen #goodomensgifs #my gifs #goodomensedit #ineffable divorce

[crimeronan]

i used to not relate at all to the existential dread that's sorta ubiquitous for a lot people my age, which is mostly bc i've been dying for three-ish years, so i had fully made my peace with my life being over soon. like i was in a mindset a lot of people enter in hospice care where my body was winding down and i was just getting as comfortable as possible and being content with the life i'd already lived.

however.

now. that it looks like i could not only have, but also Enjoy... another 50 or 60 years on this earth.....

......HOOOOOOOOOOO BOY.

#GOOD GOD A LOT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITHIN THE NEXT 60 YEARS. #I KNOW NOT TO BORROW GRIEF FROM THE FUTURE BUT LIKE #I DIDNT EXPECT TO DEAL WITH ANY OF IT AT ALL. I WAS NOT GONNA *BE HERE* #literally every night for the past week i've lain awake with my heartbeat in my throat just thinking #I Am Going To Be Here . For So Much Shit #Oh God. Oh God . So Much #and i CAN'T SLEEP #this post brought to you by an hour and a half of me trying to sleep and now being exhausted and still So Anxious #like. CHILL. GIRL. IT'S FINE #YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!! PROBLEM FOR FUTURE YOU!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!! OH ! MY ! GOD !!!! #autoimmune tag

[felizusnavidad]

so tired, so sleepy

#there will be no hamilton lyrics post today but i'm gonna answer two asks tomorrow #i'm just... fucking exhausted #working my fourth night shift in a row & i barely even get any sleep & i think i have a crisis today #and the problem is that i really like this job but i feel like i have literally no life #last month was crazy #i am always at work i fear #i barely get 4 hours for myself each day & it's only because i literally force myself to get up when i should be resting #because there's another night shift ahead #and i don't want to sleep all day so #idk #i want to cry #working 10 hours each night is probably not good for my health even if it's a well paid job #but sincerely can you hear me?*

[ssstrawberryflowers]

wow interdimensional manwhore meets gay falling angel and they have a visually and topically worsening conversation and also theyre both lightly clothed isnt this cool guys guys *fucking dies*

#i am exhausted #5 am lol #i want to see these two hang out for no reason #aside from cringe wish fulfilment #love insomnias <3 #hope i just fucking die for the next 10 hours tbh #sorry for this #gabriel ultrakill #my art #suggestive #ultrakill gabriel #ringabel bravely default #bravely default #its been like almost 8 years #guess japan hated bravely second this fucking much huh #im so sorry for this #sketchbook #good night sweet dreams

[godblooded]

sup insomnia gang gimme a ❤️

#ooc. o kaptain. #[had a little bit of a rough but good night but brotherwatched and had some great great great sessions with my kiddo today. gonna lay down #and write some. i love yall!! im finally fucking silver in comp I’m exhausted but proud. I’m getting to gold. my brother is already there #but he’s nuts and he’s like so much better than me tbh his moira is spot the fuck on lmfao. I’m a wicked sigma (pip where are you i picked #up sig because of you!!!! and I am so happy i did!!!) but I’m very all purpose. my bro is more of a specialist and he’s been hella #specializing. and tbh it’s in my nature to try harder to support my friends than go hard on my own when I’m on a team. and I play a lot a #lot with them so I’m very attuned to how to support THEM. and my bro is a nuts mauga/dva/moira/junkrat/brig/ashe etc. player. with me i can #play everyone. (except ball get him the FUUUUCK away from me.) I’ll try anybody once and i know I’ll learn ham eventually. for right now I’m #rediscovering my love of zen…]

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[saunteringvaguelydownwards]

****

Motherfucker, y'all got me writing again, what the fuck?

#nah it's cool #i just banged out 1200 words one night then made myself cry with my own writing the next night #good. great. awesome. love that for me. #i haven't written fic in 10 years #what the actual fucking fuck #also #i'm just out here trying to get to the one scene i wanted to write that started this whole mess but now there's fucking PLOT? #i'm 2900 words in and it's gonna take at least twice that long to get where i wanna go #maybe #if i'm lucky #and why does a bitch need to understand fake science from a fictional world? #fucking hell #i refuse to deal with reya and the holy war #i am not taking it that far #that entire prospect is fucking exhausting and many better writers than me have already gone there #i mean fuck i'm already worried that i've read so much WN fic that i'm subconsciously cribbing story elements #y'all do this for fun? on the regular? #props to the fic writers #i was already a fan but damn i had forgotten how hard this shit is #warrior nun #fanfic

[morningmask27]

One thing I fucking hate about my sleep is that I'm exhausted the entire day, but as soon as the lights are off and I'm in bed I become restless, literally.

I am thinking too hard about things, rotating like crazy to find a semi comfortable position to sleep in, thinking too hard about my past again (tell me it's shit, please, I need people to heckle at it with. I am being a hater alone and that's not fun), having to physically not move for twenty minutes in the hopes of falling asleep, my entire body goes numb because IT does, but not my brain. Then it's not good, so I have to move and thus undo the last twenty minutes of trying to fall asleep to find another position and try again.

All that and I go to bed at midnight and only fall asleep at two in the morning, my sleep is absolute shit and truly I want a refund

#morningtalks #And this is without the other facts that I wake up a few times a night for seemingly no reason. Multiple times a night. Truly. #If I fall asleep around midnight I can guarantee you I'll wake at 3 am. 5-6 am 9 am 10 am 11 am and then at 12. #Every fucking night is the same #And I'm fucking exhausted when I wake up since my sleep is not good in de either #I don't remember last time I actually woke up well rested. And since I'm chronically sleep deprived I let myself sleep a bit more til 12. #But I'm not well rested and energized for the day when I wake up #Part of it is probably also because I'm NOT a morning person (despite what my name suggests) but still. It takes me a good while to functio #Fucking shit sleep I'm complaining about at three am when I should be sleeping actually but I'm mad about it Right Now #Anyways wish me luck on my next attempt at falling asleep without pain or exhaustion or anger

[piplupod]

praying and hoping and begging for things to get better or at least more tolerable soon because i dont know how many more physical symptoms of stress my body can take

#me when i get eczema when the only time i had eczema in the past was when i was about to kill myself lmao #things are Preddy Bad actually fjfkfkfl #theres so many things i have happening and i look them up and its like ''reduce stress :)'' THANKS I WISH I COULD #UNFORTUNATELY. I LIVE IN THIS WORLD. AND THINGS AREN'T GOING WELL. #i actually cant think abt this all anymore tonight or I'll end up crying and i rly dont want to deal w crying rn fhfkdl #but man. things were supposed to go in such a better way. im literally a failure rn #all my siblings are doing way better in life and have a shot at things #and im stuck in my parents basement alone and a loser burn-out #this is so fucked #i realized the reality of my situation at 3am lying awake unable to sleep last night #like. i am.... alone and stuck living in my parents basement. no career prospects because im useless and too exhausted all the time #thats so fucking lame and awful and Peak Failure in society's eyes #man!!! #so unbelievably bleak!!! #anyways i hope this eczema goes away bc wow i rly have not had this except once or twice when i was engaging in suicidal behaviour #i dont want to be doing that again 😭😭 #WHATEVER. it is what it is. live fast die young or whatever #maybe tomorrow something good will happen #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide tw

[milo-is-rambling]

I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn

#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist #anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind #nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work #into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup. #can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro #what the hell okay fine #well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every #part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again #I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge #fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my #brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame #for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man #idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs #which is good that means it’s working #I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake #later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently

[tracle0]

Girl are you telling me, all this time, I should’ve been writing something else????

#Writing #Am writing #My writing #writerblr #spilled ink #Prophet wip #So I’ve been trying at TCD for perhaps a year and a half now and have been unable to get anywhere with it physically #I have a good plan and steps to take to execute it but I have completely burnt any desire to write it out of myself through exhaustion #The other night I was like haha let’s just give this a go and it just POURED out #Fucking. MMMMMM. #I am fully expecting to reread parts and hate them very soon. But for now I am just !!!!! #So this story opens with my lad Cain getting possessed. The thing tries for a hostile takeover first - burn him out of his own mind #And then Cain is like actually that’s not cool don’t do that and the thing is like oh my bad okay #And just slivers into his mind to twitch and tweak him from there. Which works. Sucks to be him #It’s a story about brothers and hurt and religious pain carried by one guy #Cain is gonna try and break every statue the gods have as their grave. Theo is gonna try and stop him #Not because Theo particularly cares for the gods (although Raya does) but because that’s his brother and he’s running himself into #the ground and something is very clearly wrong #I have no idea what I’m doing for a lot of it. But I also have a rough enough idea that I can use that and improvise on the way #Which is something that has worked for me very well previously #I give TCD a kissy on its head and lay it down to sleep for a while. I shouldn’t have tried to start you so soon #I can only hope I can recover something out of you because god I want to write it so badly #Okay that’s all from me thank you for reading my tag ramble. If you hear nothing else from me #Then writing is either going really well or horrifically badly #Trade-marked

[semiotomatics]

:/

#not feelin good fam #haven't bellyached on here in a while but i just. im so fucking tired #of just. everything #also im literally exhausted i havent slept the last like 3 nights lol #but its mostly a metaphysical exhaustion #idk im too sleep deprived to explain it but just like. the years collapse in on themselves and every moment exists in a superposition #ive been here before ill be here again i am always right here in this moment #my whole life stretches out to either side and its just. more of the same #pain and sadness and fear echoing up and down the line #and utter utter exhaustion #they say chronic sleep deprivation permanently stunts brain development #i can only imagine what kind of damage ive done over the past 20+ years #anyway #personal spewage

[peachcitt]

stayed up super late last night with friends doing halloween stuff (getting drunk and spilling tea) knowing full well that i had to get up early today to go to a quince out of town . i am awake against my will and regretting many decisions

#peach rambles #not staying up late and getting drunk. Let me be clear. that is my natural habitat #i regret rsvping for this quince that happens halloween weekend which just so happens to apparently be the busiest weekend of my goddamn #life. im exhausted from a week’s worth of lack of sleep and i am also no where near done with three of my monday deadlines #and i am losing an entire day (?) of work to this quince. #also it’s halloween weekend i should be getting drunk and looking hot😭😭😭😭 #instead i am in the passenger seat of my father’s truck attempting to pretend i am alive #he called me this morning to say how far away he was from my house #but i missed the call because i kept on pressing snooze because. Obvious Reasons. and when i saw that he called #i called him back and he was like ‘im ten minutes from your house’ bitch i hadn’t even packed for the night yet. i was still fully in bed #i feel like if i close my eyes for too long im going to have a category five sleep incident. whatever that means #i think i forgot to pack a bra? fucking. i don’t know #i brought my computer so that i could possibly work but there’s absolutely no charger to speak of in #this vicinity. fuck. and uhhhhh i look like death but the only makeup i have is a singular eyebrow pencil #and the remnants of my eyeliner from last night. also the fake blood still in my fingernails #speaking of fake blood i bloodied my shit up for real last night which was very high risk high reward for me #the blood was four bucks from walmart and said that it stained skin and i was like #what a perfect product to cover my face and body in the day before i go to a family function #it ended up working out because i looked fucking good and i took a shower before i went to sleep #(did NOT check how i looked before i went to bed so this morning when i looked in the mirror and say i was blood-free it was a miracle) #but anyway. yeah. i want to pass out

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

i am at this point very certain that i am legitimately, actually cursed. the only degree to which this is metaphorical is that there's not a word for it that doesn't imply supernatural means, instead of ones that can be explained by science but haven't been yet.

#moogletalks #venting #negative #like. i have much; much; much evidence by now that this isn't a mental illness thing #it doesn't do my related mental illness/trauma stuff any favors! #and it's actually something that over the last few years has *motivated* me to put a lot of good work into addressing that #but this particular pattern has been escalating over the last few years in particular #and by now is a hundred percent reliable #it happens like clockwork in very specific ways that i have observed over and over and over #to the point where i will calmly and in full practicality mode say 'i am going to pay for this before long' and every time i do i am right #when that doesn't occur to me; it happens and i get blindsided by it #and then after a few minutes tops of thinking about it i can go 'god damn it i know exactly what caused this one' #this is happening. it is a fact. and i'm so fucking exhausted of not having words for it or knowing what the mechanism is #fucking i hate this. anyway my health condition from a few months ago has flared up again even worse than before #in retaliation for exactly the same *things* as before #and this time i'm at significantly higher risk for becoming quadruplegic! #and last night in retaliation for a particular thing that had happened less than 24 hours beforehand i've stopped sweating! #and i don't know if it will be permanent! #and as proof that it's in direct proportion to what it's retaliating against #a smaller; less life-changing hope spot than the things that've been retaliated against w/ Extreme Shit; which happened within the last week #led to me finding one of my fish dead the next afternoon #i am not kidding or exaggerating about this. It's Happening #medical stuff cw #health issues cw #pet death cw

[cameoutstruggling93]

He owes me big time. Might delete later.

#like i like to think im prett patient #and understanding #and chill #but like #i havent seen him in almost 2 weeks #hes been slow at responses #and i know he was with his family in nj and was totally cool with that! #barely any gn texts #or good morning texts #not letting me know there was an emergency and thats why he had to bail on date night that HE suggested #deadass didnt let me know till the next day #like wtf #is this his true colors? #am i overreacting? #losing my mind? #probably losing my mind but thats cause work is kiling me #shit is EXHAUSTING #i dont hate my job #i really don't #but it has been a fucking TIME #and its stressful af #from students and faculty and one if my coworkers and higher ed politica #fawk #and literally all i want to do is talk to my man but noooooo #aight #i feel a little better #please dont mind my ranting

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

I open my draft of my analysis of "Wonderland" by Big Country only to find that I don't have much written beyond analyses of the first two verses and then one monster paragraph where I explain how Stuart Adamson is a genius.

Me @ me: bitch, what the hell is all this!

I HAVEN'T EVEN MENTIONED A SINGLE FUCKING THING ABOUT TONY'S INSANE(LY GOOD) BASSLINE, OH I'M GIVING MYSELF AN F- FOR THIS ASSIGNMENT! 😂😠 ...Or an 'E' as schools now call it. I'm still not used to that and the kids I work with still give me shit about it. The kids @ me when I forget myself (and I am then swiftly reminded of my age): "WHAT DO YOU MEAN AN 'F'??? WE DON'T HAVE THAT!"

#I clearly wrote the 'Stuart is a genius' paragraph in a flurry of inspiration and a definite 'aha' moment but wow #IT DOES NOT MAKE FOR GOOD WRITING ME @ ME *frustrated sighing* #(I mean I could follow it okay but it's still like...if I'm analyzing the song verse by verse #then where...is this giant-ass paragraph supposed to go...in this thing) #but I AM going to call ''Wonderland'' one of the greatest songs ever written so FUCKING HELL I BETTER DO IT JUSTICE #...after I get some sleep because I'm exhausted. so good night everyone 💗 #also ever since that unhinged anxious afternoon I now find myself listening to the 12'' mix of ''Wonderland'' on repeat so #I'm probably going to embed that into my post. because why the fuck should access to this song be so limited! (it shouldn't!!!!) #the drums AND the bass on the 12'' mix are utterly fucking insane and only further prove how it's one of the greatest songs ever.