#going if im never going to like it or make anything im proud of

[nereidprinc3ss]

BESTIE. I was just casually thinking about your whole dybmn series and now I’m wondering, as both reader and Spencer become more confident with their spicy dynamics, what kind of lover would Spencer become with her? New k!nks, maybe?, I JUST genuinely think that Spencer is so whipped for her that he would definitely use toys and anything else, not only to experiment but to get to know and find out about all of her secret facets.

I believe she would be his “creation” like he would be so proud to see her development in her confidence in spicy times like smirking all over as she does anything to please him and he’d be like “yeah, I created that” because I’M BITING MY PILLOW RIGHT NOW and gonna dig up a hole after this to hide myself because my thoughts are so hideous. Girlie, what did you do to me? I wasn’t like this. 😩

oh let’s discuss

18+ long ass rambling and things i think about A Lot ……..

in my opinion (which is not the end all be all everyone can perceive them however they’d like) reader and spencer definitely bring out more sexually adventurous sides of each other like they just have a shit ton of chemistry and for a while ithink spencer would just be easing reader into sexuality so nothing that crazy would happen aside from the power dynamics we see pretty much from the start. i think those would definitely get stronger and occasionally more variable. im not usually into sub!spence but i think there would be times he would definitely allow reader to have more control (i don’t ever think he’d be like calling them mommy lmfao) but aside from that i could also see him veering VERY rarely in a slightly harder!dom direction. like he’ll never hurt or seriously degrade you but in p3 reader says something about liking it when he acts like they belong to him and he was really into that. as the relationship progresses i think he would almost start taking more ownership of r’s body in a way, like obviously nothing is ever nonconsensual but he just knows you so well that it’s like… well he knows you better than you know yourself sooo you let him call the shots, but at his core i think spencer is forever oriented to please. he just wants to make you feel good, that’s always gonna be his goal, so he’s always going to listen and even if the power dynamic is weighed in his favor you are actually always the one in control bc he’d do anything for u lol

in terms of kinks…. idk, i never really see spencer as a super kinky guy? like he just knows too much about paraphilia and obviously sexual violence ties into a lot of his job so i sincerely doubt he’d find giving or receiving pain arousing beyond like slapping your ass or you scratching his back or whatever. love is always at the heart of sex for him and that’s going to be the most important part, he’ll never be able to see you just as a body. he’ll always see you as the person he’s in love with and there are things he’s simply not willing to do to the person he loves.

because of his trauma he’s super duper hesitant about bondage BUT i think he wouldn’t be completely opposed to very light restraints on you or him, he’d just have to be in a specific mood. i also never see him as being someone who’s super into toys because he’s such a luddite, he can barely stand having an email i doubt he’s going to have an extensive collection of sex toys. but he would so use your vibrator on you or make you use it on yourself in front of him again if he’s in a very specific mood

oh but YES he DELIGHTS in having defiled and corrupted you. idc idc im not accepting criticism on this. like he spoils you so much that you’re used to getting him whenever you want and so you’re not very subtle about it. if you get all needy in public and start draping yourself all over him and giving him looks and pulling on his sleeve because you want to go home he’ll fuck you in rossi’s bathroom because he wants to encourage your lewd behavior.

obviously he has boundaries tho and he has respect for you and the people around him like he won’t do anything that draws attention and he’ll only ever do things he knows he can get away with without anyone else noticing

later seasons spence also LOVES when you leave marks on him he thinks it’s cute how you mark your territory and he’s not at all embarrassed if there is a hickey above his collar at work. in his mind it’s like. why would he care about other peoples opinions on his sex life when they have nothing to do with it god i think about this all the time

anyway im sorry if this was disappointing😭 idkidk, thank you for asking about my thoughts tho bc i am always down for headcanons

#ramblings #asks

[diescm]

one page some messy explorations for The Reaper pillar in Moral Discrepancy (fan session im redeveloping w my boyfriend <3) that i made half awake fresh off food poisoning and fresh on melatonin gummies on a 5 hour train ride out of madrid.

yapping about the reaper fanclass under cut

>Classepect serving and Furton character blurb

So far every fanclass has something they 'serve': like the Dogma serves the Session (seeing it to completion), the saviour serves the players (idk the specifics of this one yet my bf is deving it), the Kaiser serves themselves (making sure THEY win at any cost), and the Reaper serves

absolutely no one. the servitude is tied to classpect and the reaper has neither. no aspect to lean to because of an early death and no class to be assigned because of an early death. you could argue the reaper serves the players because they lead the players to god tier, but the servitude relates to classpect because classpect relates to your character (in sgrub v.4.13.alpha). a reaper could absolutely forgo their responsibilities or just not become a reaper AT ALL depending on how their trial goes. a player leaned to a classpect HAS to god tier or their consciousness will literally disconnect from the game (think being booted for being afk) and furton makes it VERY apparent to certain players, tanata (the dogma) and even THE ASPECTS that while he fully believes in this timeline's success (theres a virus timeline jumping from one game to another rotting them from the inside out) he is ONLY helping because he wants to see his family safe and he could not give a rats ass about anyone else's agenda or plans. if his family isnt safe and happy by the end of this nonsense hes keeping everybody in a death cycle (spawn camping) regardless of whether or not they succeed.

so hes got his OWN thing going on. "well but roman wouldnt that mean he serves himself like the kaiser?" it COULD. let me elaborate

>Godtiering classpect redemption and service alignment ramble

these are PEOPLE playing these games who are complex and have their own intertwined relationships with each other, and people are capable of change, always. this is accounted for in the god tiering process. if you die and become X classpect but at some point die again and you as a COMPLEX PERSON have changed significantly you will change class and even ASPECT to reflect that.

HOWEVER,

thats much easier said than done, and is inherently nearly impossible for most classes. the kaiser for example is self sufficient, independent, self reliant, self providing, self self self self etc etc etc. YOU try to convince someone whos been constantly let down, disappointed, failed, responsible for, and otherwise uninterested in other people to suddenly become dependent on others. its a tough ask, especially when that player is proud of their independence, significantly more incompetent in group settings, paranoid, vindictive, hurt, or anything else that would reinforce an individualistic attitude and mindset. Once a player has god tiered to their classpect they are practically cemented in it until the end of time. However a reaper is never tied to a classpect. and they have a unique outsider perspective for the MAJORITY of the session allowing them to CONSCIOUSLY choose if they're going to serve the session, the players, themselves or NONE at any given moment.

>TL;DR

Reaper cool

#art #homestuck fantroll #oc #troll #moral discrepancy #fantroll #my art #homestuck #digital art #artists on tumblr

[skunkes]

finally found a better way to word my issues with art improvement and thats that obviously art with no ref is/can be a little incorrect and misguided, there are Mistakes when you're just going off of memory.

But when i do studies my art becomes too Rigid because my brain remembers the studies and yells at me if i dont proportion things "correctly" (+ also ends up Bad due to overworking to "Fix" it)...

Its hawrd to find that balance, + have it be the Loose and Fun art that comes before reminding self what something is "supposed to look like". I feel my stuff only exists between extreme ends of sloppy and rigid bc i cant find the balance

Ive seen a few very old drawings from before I started using refs more often and they almost look Better. They dont look 100% Right but they look Good. Now I overwork everything bc it doesnt look Right and it still ends up not looking Right or Good.

#i also mentioned before the whole ''it doesnt matter if it looks Right if it looks Good'' and how some people have uninformed stylization... #and i feel caught between those too...i feel like my stuff just looks like uninformed stylization... #actually scratch that‚ IT IS. bc i look at old art and its exactly what it looks like #i dont know how ppl stylize correctly. i know the rules but even when you break them it turns out that theres correct ways to break them #and i cannot do that... #i also cant tell if it looks good despite not looking right...as in my brain it just looks Wrong and (therefore) Bad #talkys #also ugh im now fully realizing the truth of youll never like your art because its Yours and you hate yourself. so discouraging. #i rlly am never going to like it. every day i wish i cld see it thru someone else's eyes bc this is so miserable. idk how to keep #going if im never going to like it or make anything im proud of #but i will bc i have to 🫶 alas #delete later

[b4kuch1n]

one string is all that I need

#Hatsune Miku #VOCALOID #or rather #piapro characters #Hatsune Miku Single String Ver. #<- yep that's the fan module I made for fun last year #the thing is. only half a month to go until it's mid autumn. and every year I try to draw something for the occasion #I just. started early this year... for some reason...... #well I mostly just wanna draw Her lmao. because the pokemon/miku voltage stuff is still being released and Im feelin the effect #and this year's magical miral design is so fuckign good.... thank u to miku artists. especially LAM and rella #as is always the case with this module the instrument/weapon (lol) she uses is a heavily stylized đàn bầu! #and I just realized while drawing this and looking at the ref sheets that I never detailed the pluck lmao #to be fair. usually its just like a piece of. anything #commonly bamboo or bone or plastic. shaped into a longish fingernail shape. its really the way u hold it that matters iirc #but yeah I spruced up the OG design for the instrument in this one lol. this is actually like my original vision I think #I really wanted to make that thing beast shaped. but I Just figured out how to properly stylize it when I designed the module #and! I did say this on stream but I am genuinely very proud of that design! that was genuinely big brain of me! so #future instrument variants will still probably base heavily on that general shape and principles lol. I'm playin in this space its MY muck #also I switched the number on her coat from 39 to 01 bc it's more on theme thats really it. nothin else to remark on there lol #and! once again based the dragon head on the lý dynasty dragon rather than later iterations. thats why the nose fin and no whiskers #and the metal nozzle is kinda supposed to call to mind a temple bell. not super sure i got that across well #but the rim design IS historical! I thiiiink early lê dynasty. just on ceramics instead of on bronze lmao #anyways thats it. I had fun colorin this one! kicked my ass a bit but I think I hashed it out mostly okay #have a good night lads! thank u mid autumn moon cakes for being bad to eat and sponsoring my late night drawin. and remember: #u only need one. but never say having more doesn't make it easier

[good-beansdraws]

Mutual left this tag on one of my Fuuta analyses and yeah...

Part two of "Fuuta’s central theme is invasion of privacy and he has extreme anxiety over being watched, so it's interesting that we get to pick him apart and see all his worst, most private thoughts" :(

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #i didnt want to be annoying with a tag but thank you trinipopkt for the original tag :3 #ive never posted something like this so let me know if i need to tag anything #my writing brain may be struggling rn but you can bet im still over here drawing fuuta 😅👍 #part one was the lil moodboard on main #this also had slight oc connections (my brain was going brrr having a scientist oc) but once again its general to the audience overall #plus i was really proud of the composition/posing/colors i switched to -- i was excited to share!! #it took me like 80 years to pick a composition/pose that worked asdfsadsg #and i had to redo all my coloring and shading because i wanted a more neutral sterile science look than what i originally had #anyway it wasnt my usual type of drawing so it was a lot of fun to see it come together! #i did the first version and my partner said it was mean (and against procedure) to keep him awake #but then the second version felt equally mean :(((( so in conclusion rip fuuta #he is my little bug and i am going to figure out what makes him tick

[8rujaa]

my therapist really saved me….

#tw abuse // tw sa #i can’t sleep bc i keep thinking about this. #like i probably would’ve not been here if it weren’t for her #i started seeing her january of 2023… my life has changed entirely since then and she was definitely the one who got the ball rolling #literally so much has changed since then and it’s all because of her #i was so dissociated during our first few sessions #thanks to her i was able to get diagnosed and medicated for adhd. i was able to realize i was in an abusive situation and plan a way out #i was able to focus on myself and my healing and she’s helped me reframe so much of my negative thinking #i was able to process a lot of emotions and become a better version of myself with each session #she’s truly incredible. #i remember the first comment she made about the relationship had been ‘’so it’s like there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship’’ #i had put my partners on such a high pedestal that i had no idea they could be doing anything wrong #and i asked her what she meant and she said ‘from what you’ve been describing it’s sounds like a strict parents and child type of dynamic’ #she told me they didn’t need to understand why i wanted to leave and they didn’t need to make that decision. if that’s what was going to be #best for me the only thing i could do is let them know my reasoning and simply leave. i didn’t need their permission.’’ #i remember being so confused at that realization bc like… i had been putting their emotions over mine the whole time i had forgotten simply #doing what’s best for me was an option… l #ever since then i’ve been putting myself first and it’s been a steady uphill from rock bottom… i’ve made an incredible amount of progress #when i first started with her getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen was incredibly difficult and took all my strength. #yesterday i conquered a mountain!!!!!!! i hiked all the way to the top!!!!! :D #me a year ago thought it was going to take me years and years to recover. as soon as i left i made leaps of progress #im incredibly proud of myself and grateful for her. and my reiki lady she’s also been a great great help. #the silver lining is i realized who really matters. and the relationships i cared about deepened. #my sweet virgo friend was the one who was always like ‘THATS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO CANT UNDERSTAND BASIC CONSENT???’ #LMFAO i would be like ‘but he has trauma and bla bla bla’ she looked me dead in the eyes and said #’jess you said with your last boyfriend that you would never make excuses for a man who was hurting you again. stop defending him.’ #she’s really a gem and i treasure her with my life. i hope she knows i love her. she’s family at this point #she’s also literally saved my life before (like deadass called 911 for help) #im glad i had the support system i had. that was a rough situation with so many layers and im glad i got through it #my 22nd year of life was by far the worst of my life and i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation again. im glad i learned.

[curiouschaosstarlight]

-- Zandik's (Dottore's) Silent Hill --

(brief warning for blood/decay/that kinda stuff + generally horrific themes)

-- The Otherworld --

The Fog World is more or less the same as it's always been, if perhaps leaning most on Silent Hill 1, with a light snow and hefty fog that a mere light can hardly penetrate. Zandik's Otherworld, however, couldn't be more different from others seen thus far; the world is cast into what appears to be an eclipse, dark with the sun technically visible as a ring of fire in the sky, and an overbearing, suffocating heat that invades everything, at times so dry it scrapes and burns as the wind picks up debris, and at other times the humidity rises so high one could almost feel like they're melting into it.

Sand rushes from the tops of buildings and under closed doors, and pours down into absolute nothingness, falling through the oh-so-fragile grates that Zandik must trust won't give out from underneath him. Signs, fences, even walls and furniture, are eroded, the town taking on an appearance as though it had been left alone for thousands of years, and is breaking down as such. Being outdoors is treacherous and harsh, but being indoors offers little comfort, as it's rare a room doesn't have a hole or several leading back to the outside.

The sand itself is burning hot, of course, and can become quite the obstacle if one of the pillars of pouring sand is walked under, or if one needs to shove their hands into it for any reason. It's lucky Zandik has a high pain tolerance, but that won't get rid of the burns he can sustain so easily.

Blood similarly flows freely, at times being mixed with the sand, and other times acting like rain or water. Actual water is almost nonexistent while the Otherworld is active; even facets have blood flowing from them if turned on. Containers of water will have also turned to blood, and ordinary food becomes viscera and entrails.

The smell of heat and rot is inescapable in this Otherworld.

But if you thought you were alone, great news! The half-decayed corpses of smashed, sliced up, and/or diseased humans and animals and monsters alike will keep you company, even when you're not being attacked…

-- Monsters --

The design of Zandik's monsters are surgical and precise; medical science gone wrong. Creatures he could have, maybe even in some cases did, made with his own two hands, and some that have obvious "flaws" in their design that should keep them from functioning, like exposed innards or a hole where part of their spine should be, but they continue to move, twitching and spasming like they're in pain as they drag themselves around. Certain medieval medical practices are reflective in the design of some of the monsters.

They're also highly aggressive. Some shamble around slowly and groan when they haven't noticed anyone else, some play dead, but all will break into a mad dash to attack Zandik should he venture too close. They react to sound and light with a twitch or jerk in his direction, but only jump up to attack when he's within a certain distance. Some, primarily when outside, may even stalk him for quite some time.

This gets worse in the Otherworld. Elements of decay and machinery are added to their designs, and many of the monsters get substantially larger than they are normally. There's also themes of starvation and hunger, most monsters being impossibly thin, skin taut around their bones or worse, and different kinds of monsters may even try to attack and eat each other if Zandik hasn't been spotted, but this is rarely enough to put them down entirely.

The traditional nurse monsters do not exist for Zandik, instead being replaced by specific-to-him doctor-based monsters, ones that look significantly like him at all different shapes and sizes, but they otherwise fit the same design themes as the rest of the monsters do. The doctor monsters are not active in the Otherworld, but dead ones can still be found buried under sand or caught in various mechanical contraptions…

#those hills sure are silent #desert doktorspiele #tw blood mention #tw body horror #pls yell at me if i need to tag anything else im kinda “???” 'cause it's all text and i dont know how good i am at describing things #im developing the habit of calling him “Zandik” w/ my two best friends to differentiate him #from both their versions of him and canon #and i went back and forth on whether or not to switch the usage of “Zandik” to exclusive uses of “Dottore” #but i have decided no y'all just get used to it #this is very specific to the ver im writing #anyways im actually pretty proud of this just because i like...NEVER manage to come up with SH concepts #i dunno if it'll go any further than this one thing but it sure would be fun if i could make something out of it

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

my brother keeps being a bitch on purpose and it's really not helping

#my therapist says hes probably doing to feel better about himself and it's like. fuckin hell dude #because like. look im not saying i dont poke fun at him either right #but i like go think i dont go below the belt in terms of shit??? #like i love him im not going to call him genuinely stupid or ugly or anything. #hes good at math and pretty capable. even if he incinerated mac n cheese once and we had to get a new microwave #but he keeps going up to me like (aether) whats a×b? oh how do you not know that instantly? are you stupid? #its because (extremely personal issue) LOL (deep cutting personal issue again) #and its like look ive never been good at mental math stop being a fucking jerk over me not knowing fuckin 9×7 off the top of my head #and i keep telling him to drop it and shut up but its just spurs him on more because its funny to him #and he keeps bringing up other shit like being queer or being trans specifically because he knows its upsetting and its just fucking funny #he loves to say people with weird pronouns and think there's more than two genders should kill themselves because he knows it makes me angr #with him. and he knows im fucking queer. he knows our grandmothers queer. and he still pulls this shit #and i cant say anything because when i do i get a whole lecture about how hes my flesh and blood and i should treat him like such #and im the asshole for suggesting he act like it for once #i love my brother and im proud of his achievements but i cant keep fucking doing this #and i know its my fault because hes a stupid kid and going through typical middle school boy bullshit #and seriously getting hurt by whatever a middle schooler says is downright pathetic #but it fucking hurts to hear someone you held as a baby and defended say people like you should kill themselves #and it hurts to have them fucking push a topic that upsets you for their own amusement #swearing cw #aethers rants #cw vent #personal posts and stuff idk

[myfirstandlast]

going through answered asks from when i was 18 wanting to hold myself so tightly

#i’ve never cared for the whole i wish i could see my younger self thing #because from where i was standing it was always still bad so thought why would i want to see them now #things are going to become very hard again very soon but last year was the best year of my entire life #i did something terrifying and then i claimed my life as my own #and a year later i have a car! and im driving! you can’t understand how impossible of a thought this was to me before #i live on my own and i’ve decorated my body and my bedroom and i can buy things i never thought id be able to own #i miss connecting with others my dash is a total wasteland now but i just #seriously cannot believe where i am right now. even though some things are still so screwed up and more screwed things are on the way #and i’m terrified of course. january is the perfect month to feel like ending it all. too much unknown #but still 2023 felt like magic i didn’t deserve and yet i basked in it #i’m not incredibly successful i’m not very interesting but im still so proud of myself somehow. even though i hate myself #it’s not as much as i used to. i appreciate myself more now and i can see how i needed me to get here. and im grateful for me #and for everything i have. i’m just speechless i can’t believe the life i currently have #i’m waiting to enter the era of travelling and intimate get together those areas are still slow coming #but if i could do this i can only hope and hope and squeeze my eyes tight to make them appear someday #i miss so many things but i don’t miss the old me. she sucked but she also cared and she’s still here in fragments #it’s strange to write this way i’ve never felt this sort of compassion before i was so so deeply depressed #it was inescapable and for good reason i don’t know how i made it through anything i’ve endured #i have to thank myself for always being too scared to die

[mrs-kelly]

I love rick so much I love him I love him and I love that he's being more vulnerable this season and we're seeing him get more healthy, it makes me so happy 🥺💕

#'i can fix him 💗' i thought; only to find he could make his way out himself!! #of course the truth is if someone is going to get better it's always gotta be through their own efforts #and im so proud of him!! im so proud of his growth and seeing him smile and enjoy his time with his family is my treasure!!! #also ive heard that people on twitter are calling him lame and dude. having that opinion is lame ajfkdl #you know how boring it would be to see him remain an asshole forever. to never see growth or anything #growth also means there's a chance for a backslide which obviously i dont want but if those people are so bored he could still go back #you know. people change over time. there's a character arc #but i get the feeling these people also dont like that he's always been the rick who cares and not the rick.est rick you know #either way i rly cant care what those people think bc im too busy feeling high over the fact that ive always been right about Rick <3 ajfkl #ren speaks #rickren #im gushing out here folks

[arthur-r]

i went to sleep an hour ago but i can’t actually fall asleep for some terrible mixture of anxiety and caffeine and being scheduled wrong from all of the winter break sleeping incorrectly compared to school. anyway i have a stomachache (anxiety variety) scary high heart rate (anxiety variety? caffeine variety? just my heart being stupid as usual? probably all of the above) and also terrified of living with my dad for the next week. and i was drinking a caffeinated beverage past 5 pm today because. i was really stupid and let that happen without thinking about it. so there are so many things getting in between me and a good nights sleep to get to school in the morning. doesn’t help that i’m stressed about school itself too or that my irl friends are constantly hanging out like literally all of them i try not to be offended if like tara and elanor hang out together without me cause everybody is allowed to have smaller on their own engagements but it’s like literally every friend i have!! like i have maybe fifteen friends total in my school and there was like ten of them were all ice skating together on new years and went to a play together and did all of these things that i wish i were invited for. and so i’m stressed about a lot of things at once and it’s no good

#anyway in other news i’m making a bigger endeavor drawing than i’ve done in a long time and it’s not very well shaped but im really proud of #the details and like the way that im doing it even if it doesn’t look good altogether im proud of the textures and everything #i haven’t done anything that wasn’t just a sketch in a long time so i never just work on textures and im proud of myself so far #however it was supposed to be a four part thing that im supposed to finish in four days. while also doing homework. so #i don’t think it’s going to be possible to do all that with such a detail oriented approach shdhdf #i’ll try my best though!! and if i’m late i’m late. nobody really expects anything out of me in an art front which is pretty nice i guess #but it’s mostly because i’m not very good and don’t practice enough. shdhdhdf #but like i said i am actually proud of this picture!! i’m just scared that it’s secretly terrible. classic way to feel really #but anyway i hyperfocused on that for two hours which is like. haven’t done that since like before school started #and so now i’m in a really weird headspace. and yeah. waking up in seven hours #this is so stupid i really wish i could just be asleep right now regular but it’s not happening #and i have a terrible stomachache that i don’t think is going to go away until it’s my mom’s turn to raise us again #and like. i don’t even like getting parented by my mom!! she’s made me cry multiple times per day all week actually!! #but at least i don’t think she’s going to get drunk and throw things or hurt my little sister or break something important to me #and that’s kind of what i’m constantly living in fear of currently. my dad is physically scarier and more dangerous. so i’m anxious. a lot #anyway i keep having nightmares and i hate it i wish anything would just go right for once. i should probably try to sleep again it’s just #it’s not working and i just wish i could fix it but i can’t. i really would like a hug and to be somewhere else #anyway i’m going to try again i guess probably. but i’m just so frustrated and i wish anything could be different offline #like i’m so lucky to have the friends i do in wext and my mutuals here but. if i can’t see you in real life my life is still kind of #objectively bad. like i cant really figure anything out that i have going for me irl. band?? i don’t even know. so yeah. it’s just not great #and i would like to feel better but i don’t. sorry for venting. goodnight!! #me. my post. mine. #vent cw #abuse cw #alcohol cw #ask to tag!! #delete later

[h00f]

woah, hi! it’s been a while!

i’ve just finished another year of college, and i think i want to try taking my blog back and using it for my own enjoyment! i’m going to start posting more art i’ve been making, but also reblogging things! and sharing thoughts! ive really, really missed being able to do that, so i’m starting it again now! no more fear :)

i just posted a piece from my last semester, and i will probably put up some more later tonight and tomorrow! hopefully even reblogging things here again!!

i hope you’re all doing well, and ily!

#if i havent replied to you i am still deeply sorry. i have a very hard time talking to people these days; especially digitally #reminds me of bad times. so i will just be posting for now until i can do that again! i hope you can forgive me #today i had to take one of my cats to the emergency vet. i might lose my house soon but i’m happy to be making art again. it will be ok! #anyways hi! this is soup! i’m one of jayson’s alters! #back in 2020 i had a really really bad time. and my brain fractured more than it was before #and now i’m a lot of people! but we work together and my life is fairly happy these days! #i want to learn robotics and how to 3D model; im interested in metal casting and prop making too! #i draw lots but never finish anything. sketchbook pics will have to do for now #im not really writing this to anybody; it’s just been really hard and i miss the comfort of speaking my mind. and this is my blog!! #so i will be apologetic no longer!! i’m going to shitpost and reblog funny memes and post art i’m proud of #and i hope you all will join me for this new era! #and a new text post tag too because i’m tired of thinking nobody cares! bc they do 💛 #souptxt #oh and if ur curious.. theres about 15 of us? youll probably see the variety. my ocs came to life and live in my head STORYTIME GONE WRONG!! #LAST THING: IM A SCULPTURE MAJOR NOW……… #so i make statues but ALSO ive been making stuffies! and prop masks! well just the one ok but still #also? i work as a baker and it’s actually… really nice. it’s good to like the labor i put in! #i will send u pretzels if u ask nice enough

[diomedrian]

Got like. A final warning from my Manager yesterday and rly didn't want anything to go wrong after that and here we are with four things gone wrong and like. Really. I'm at my limit

#i know i dont well with distractions and crush guy is dping exactly that. but its also not his fault #like if anything im the one at fault here cos why tf am i lettint him distract me #gotta get my shit together before everything burns down #and this is excluding whatever happened last evening at home with dad LMFAO #he's just. never going to be happy is he he is so bitter and so angry #i could never make him proud and thats ok thats alright i just dont want this dragged into work #personal #the trials and tribulations of basically basil

[obitv]

everything can be made into a killjoys au if i try hard enough. and oh baby am i trying

#william widp you emo little fuck im giving you COLOUR and youre going to LIKE IT. asshole #though i suppose jet wears mostly black in canon... i GUESS.... #dakota is juvie hall and proud of it i think. which is why he has a normal sounding name #williams Also juvie but he was a lot mpre conservative before he got out #conservative as in careful. wasnt on many radars #vyncent was a crow recruit maybe.. or desert born #to kinda reverse the canon dynamic of vyncent is new and doesnt know whats going on ever #id have them meet in the slums of batt city though totally. before they all escape together #THEYRE DRAG RACERS BTW i cant remember if those are canon but they soooo are #vyncent is a pheonix witch believer because i make the fucking rules. also pheonix fire sun sol. see #he isnt super devout or anything but he does deliver masks when he can #i need to go insane over pheonix witch mythos now. You will never see me again

[thatonethimbo]

deep-voiced younger morro unsettles me

title

anyway, ramble in the tags, lol, i went off topic a bit and then went back on topic

#here is my lazy ninjago content idk man #but like #i have been pairing smol morro with tangled varian's song 'let me make you proud' #the reprise? #smth for a fanfic #kind of hands of time part #where wu gets kidnapped #im not saying anything else about that- SO #shameless self promo #go read my ninjago fanfic that's been on wattpad for like #three years?? #i've discontinued the old one and rn im struggling with writing the latest chapter #anyway #i woul never expect a child to have a deep voice like what #andrew francis why #okay but it was for a short amount of time he would have needed to do that voice #like child morro doesn't get that many voice lines #the true reason i wanted to make this post #was to convince you all that morro would have needed Jeremy Jordan as the VA for his younger self #but that's only because Jeremy already voices another boy with black hair and a green streak #and like turns into this worser version of himself due to being wronged #im talking about varian from tangled #i have not watched a lot of it #so tangled watchers please correct me if i'm wrong #lmao #anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk. #take a cookie (one each) on your way out

[lettuce-seize-the-day]

this is actually not hot girl shit- major ed and body image cw

i will neverr romanticize or encourage eds so i will not refer to my restrictive behaviors as "hot girl shit" as i do with all my other mental health things. bc in 2013 it was literally like. genuinely unironically saying that "hot girls don't eat" and ill never reinforce that narrative.

that said, i put on my jeans and they were a little big to wear w a crop top. so i put my belt on and my belt is wayyyy too big, even on the smallest loop I could fit at least a whole fist in the space between it and my waist

so I was like. huh that's weird. so i weighed myself for the first time in months. and i - this is not a flex. but i have not seen a number that low since freshman year when the eating disorder SPECIALIST turned me away bc my case was too severe

#shut up hanna #ed cw #body image cw #like. jesus #maybe we can say part of it is bc i havent been dancing so ive lost muscle. thats probably true #but it. i mean JESUS #thats what i said out loud when i saw the number #and i hate to say it. but. beneath my shock and panic of knowing im really getting sick again. i felt good #its. idk what im feeling. i dont wanna say im proud of myself #bc i. like. ive never been more fucking miserable #but like.......it.............at least I have something #i may not have anyone. i may not have anything but my cat. but #now i have this #again #the thing that makes it challenging is that I developed it sooooo fucking young that like #i grew up w it. it was with me through my developmental years. i dont remember NOT having it #and even when im doing okay or even GREAT. its still there. breathing over my shoulder. but i could brush it off or ignore it #the SECOND you start slipping. the MOMENT youre weak. thats when it comes back. #and all of a sudden youre terrified to eat again and all of your food is going bad and your stomach hurts and u feel like shit #but u Cannot. get urself to eat Anything. besides ur safe foods maybe once a day. which is still less than half the calories u should have #and i dont remember how to live without it i dont remember how to be normal #so. maybe its a good thing all my fucking friends went to a restaurant without me. i probably would have panicked anyway 🤪 #nah but that's part of it too yk knowing that they dont want me around. it makes it so even more #it feels like this is all i can do to cope #and i wont put my specific behaviors or safe/fear foods on here either #but its. frustrating i dont have a place to fully talk abt all of it #(im back in therapy but i only had the intake appt and its over the phone)