Now, I don't want to be too self-referential in these posts. This is the Book of Job after all and it is one of the most misunderstood books in the world literature canon, so adding my own personal anecdotes makes things feel amateurish. The college professor who always marked me down for my papers on Horace's Odes because I always included personal stuff haunts me to this day. Especially when I agree with him to a certain extent. Or more accurately I agreed with him wholeheartedly when I tried to listen to a Sarah Vowell book about the pilgrims and learned absolutely nothing about the pilgrims but learned a great deal about Sarah Vowell, way more than i ever wanted to know about Sarah Vowell.
But the line from this second part of Job's response to his friend that is now a response to G-d that goes "Does it benefit you to defraud , to despise the toil of your hands, while smiling on the counsel of the wicked?" (verse 3) that gets to me this week because I was again in the crosshairs of the Facebook AI. Apparently Facebook has fired most of its standards people (including the one friend that I had who worked at Facebook) so my week long ban stuck.
And the weeklong ban was for a meme that gets shared all over Facebook, especially on the Ides of March - the one that goes "Whoever made September, October and November the 9th, 10th and 11th month should be stabbed." Because it promotes violence. Against Julius Fucking Caesar. And again, I'd be ok with that if this was a fucking sensible rule but it's not. How do I know it's not? Because I repeatedly make complaints against Nazis, conspiracy theorists, racists and transphobes on Facebook and then get the gaslighting "this isn't against Facebook standards"
Yes, G-d is arbitrary and shitty and lets the wicked prosper and the virtuous suffer. I expect better from Facebook standards. If other media companies can cancel Andrew Taint while G-d takes his only sweet time with that tumor, you'd think that Facebook would deal with the shitbags. But yeah, Facebook was complicit in the Myanmar genocide.
So what's the rest of this chapter. It's still pretty dark but it's also one of the ultimate "fuck you G-d" chapters where Job talks about being created and risen up just so he can get smashed. And he's actually asking why G-d would make this a thing. Job knows that he's innocent (and as a reader, we know that Job is innocent. Thank you, Satan). Yet, does Job's innocence help him? No.
And then we end with another "if only I was never born" verse. I just wonder if we would hear this verse a lot more if the anti-forced birth movement was full of religious fanatics and the forced birth assholes did not selectively quote the Bible.
Oh to be a priest getting head from some sinful piece of devil’s fruit in the confessional. Grunting and muttering scriptures while I rut my cock deeper in their warm throat to try and repent. The rosary in my hand tangling in their hair from forcing them farther down to hush their whimpers from the innocent people praying outside.
Pumping my load down their throat and pulling them off when I had my fill, watching the ungodly sight of their tear coated face smiling and tugging on my robe shamelessly for more. Knowing that I shouldn’t go farther. Hell, knowing I shouldn’t even been allured by the subtle temptations they gave during service like flashing their panties or bending over just enough to see down their shirt under the eyes of god.
Yet, I’m no better than any other man. And if it means purifying this wicked lust out of something that’s supposed to be so pure, then a few sessions of repentance shouldn’t be too wrong.. Right?
it shouldn’t be glossed over just how empathetic Joel is. he expressed empathy towards Ellie given her dire case of being a child within the confines of a cruel, unforgiving-apocalyptic world that supplants what should have been a habitual childhood for her. he offered an apology for scolding Henry and calling him a rat without initially reconciling the benign intentions behind his actions. he pleaded for the elderly sniper on the outskirts of kansas city to put down the rifle so he didn’t have to kill him. it all accentuates just how against his nature he must be to survive in this world. he can’t always spare people, he can’t always shed sympathy. but he wishes he could, and even on occasion tries. it’s the very context he once stooped to the level of the hunters in his past that makes this point pang all the more. he isn’t apathetic. he isn’t exclusively selfish. he isn’t rigid. he is open-ended. Joel is more than a hammer that sees all problems as a nail to be forcefully struck without finesse. He values compassion and preserving life, and any ultimatum that cements the opposite only elicits a last resort of violence and numbness. the silver lining is more desirable than conforming to cruelty
God, I just want to be someone’s pain slut. I want to be hurt because they’re in a bad mood, because it turns them on, just because they can. I want to be forced to thank them for hurting me. I want to beg them to hurt me. I want the marks that show how well I suffered for them. I want to be abused.
another concept that has lived in my mind rent-free for so long that I've finally gotten around to creating! these boys are just such [clenches fist] incredible narrative foils. I am truly team #morallygreybisexualtwink.
thinking about the "perfect court" again. honestly; just how fucking unstoppable it would be, if they had riko, kevin, jean, nathaniel and andrew?! it would be GENUINELY terrifying.
been sort of obsessed with more like nature based whump including like hunting whump and the idea came to me of a hunter whumper using hunting dogs to track down whumpee. i just really like the imagery. worst of all is that they’d know the woods far better than whumpee ever could.