#fucking hell lol

[valeriianz]

Me: says im 100% not going to write anymore of The Proposal AU. Also me: "but what if--" tagging @valiantstarlights, my partner in crime for this AU lmao

this is part 4, aka the engagement story. part three, two and one, if anyone is keeping track (its not in any actual order, we run on vibes only in this house).

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“Stop taking my hand!”

Dream slips his hand out of Hob’s with a pointed glare (and only a brief reflection of the instant warmth that shot up his arm from the touch). Hob, for his part, sighs with a barely contained eye roll.

“Sorry.” At least Hob sounds sincere, leaning in to speak quietly in Dream’s ear in the crowded room. “Force of habit, I guess. But you know…” He brushes his knuckles under the line of Dream’s jaw. “We are supposed to be engaged. Holding your hand is not the worst thing I could do to you.”

Dream’s skin prickles. “Is that a threat?”

Hob sighs again, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“It’s a tease. I’m teasing you.” He bumps his shoulder to Dream’s. “Lighten up. Have a drink.”

Perhaps Dream could do with a drink, especially if he’s actually thinking about what other debauchery Hob could get up to, outside of the limits of hand holding.

Snagging a beer out of the fridge, and forcing himself to smile as an aunt or grandma or someone comes up to him and starts asking him how he and Hob met. 

They had developed this, on the flight here, to Hob’s surprisingly luxurious childhood home. The story wasn’t much of an exaggeration of the truth– they indeed worked together but had hidden feelings for each other and after years of dancing around each other, they finally realized they were crazy for one another. 

It was easy enough to sell… perhaps not to the siblings who would loudly announce to Hob, “This is the same Dream who you bitched about on the phone? The one who didn’t let you come home for Thanksgiving last year? Who makes you go on coffee runs and harass writers?”

And Hob would shrug while Dream’s plastered on smile would sharpen to something deadly as he looked sideways at Hob. 

“Ah, what can I say? I like a man who knows what he wants.”

It would appease his family, for now. Dream had a moment of realization himself. 

He wasn’t aware Hob had such a large, welcoming family. His mother had immediately hugged Dream, smiling ear-to-ear, and Grandma Johanna had taken his hand and expressed to him how elated she was to finally see Hob settling down with “someone so handsome.” And now, at the welcome home party, everyone wanted a piece of Dream. To interrogate him or just meet him; meet the man who would make Hob honest. Who was now part of the family.

Dream had swallowed thickly. He wasn’t used to all the attention. Nor the care and playfulness of Hob’s family all around him. It was making him emotional and he didn’t know how much longer he could hover, an imposter among Hob’s fortunate family, with parents and siblings and aunts, uncles, and grandmother who all loved him and genuinely were excited that he was home for the holidays.

They all had no idea that it was all fake. Dream was a fraud. Hob and his relationship was purely transactional. The reality of Dream’s impulsive decision was finally crashing down around his ears and the room started to spin.

“Hey, you okay?”

Dream startled at Hob’s touch, no matter how gentle it was, on his shoulder.

“I’m fine. Why do you ask?” Dream bit out, blinking away the stinging in his eyes and going for a sip of his beer and scowling as he found it empty.

Hob’s hand, palm open, slid down Dream’s shoulders to his back, rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades.

“You look a little green.”

Dream huffed and tried not to relax into Hob’s soothing caress.

“This is all a little much,” Dream spoke honestly. “You didn’t tell me you had such a massive family.” Who love and are proud of you and are so quick to welcome me. So happy and eager to congratulate us and–

“Well, you never asked.” Hob replies simply, his hand dropping. Dream misses it immediately.

“Hey love birds!” Jo, Hob’s sister, pops up in their quiet space with a drink in her hands.

Dream tries not to jump at Jo’s sudden appearance, or bristle as she takes Dream’s left hand without permission to stare at the fake ring Hob and him had bought in the airport, realizing too late that they needed some kind of proof to their engagement.

Dream hoped Jo wasn’t some kind of jewelry appraisal. The silver band was simple, with a glass diamond inlay. Hob had a matching one. It cost them $30 each.

“I love the rings!” Jo gushed, thankfully dropping Dream’s hand before he could yank it back rudely. “Oh! You gotta tell us– who proposed to who?”

Dream can see the panic that crosses Hob’s eyes, which only grows larger with a nervous laugh as the family around them picks up on what Jo said and now everyone is interested in hearing the story.

Dream feels his heartbeat in his throat. They hadn’t discussed this. Hob and him had exchanged hobbies and interests and food preferences and allergies (Dream utterly bewildered at how much Hob already knew about him) but had somehow forgotten to build an engagement story.

“Oh, it’s not that interesting,” Hob laughs, an edge of hysteria to it. “Dream, honey, you were just mentioning that you wanted to rest–”

“Ah, c’mon!” Grandma Johanna prods, wiggling in her seat on the couch. “We’re all dying to hear it.”

“Yes, Hob.” Dream speaks with his own mischievous glint in his eyes. “I’d love to hear it from your perspective.”

Hob stares at Dream, utterly bewildered and then– Dream swallows nervously– his lips curl. 

“Aw well, if my sweet Dream insists…” Hob takes up Dream’s left hand and kisses the top of it while maintaining eye contact and Dream’s pulse stutters.

“You’d never know it,” Hob starts, addressing the room, which the whole family has now congregated in. “But underneath this hard, prickly exterior–” he gestures with a wide sweep to Dream. “Is a big ‘ol softie.”

A round of tittering surrounds them. Dream stares at Hob, eyes widening as he suddenly realizes his mistake of giving Hob the reins. Putting him on the spot.

“He took me to the local carnival…”

Dream hates carnivals. The rides are rickety and dangerous and full of rowdy teenagers.

“... where I won him the biggest pink teddy bear in the darts game, after he begged me for it…” Hob turns to wiggle his nose in Dream’s face.

Dream feels his cheeks warm and jaw drop. He hates the color pink and would never beg for anything, let alone a stuffed animal–

Some family members are now studiously looking at Dream, seeing him in a new light, no doubt. And Dream nearly shakes with the indignity of it all. He doesn’t even know these people, but he will be staying with them for the next week and he absolutely will not lose face over Hob’s overactive imagination.

“And finally,” Hob grins at Dream, clearly having the time of his life putting his boss on the spot and Dream can only stand and wait for the punchline.

“We go on the ferris wheel– the sun is setting– all planned, I’m sure. And then–”

“And you kissed me,” Dream interrupts, causing all eyes to refocus on him. Dream swallows at the bewildered look on Hob’s face. “It was very romantic.”

He turns to address the room himself, feeling ridiculous but barling onward, leaning sideways onto Hob in a way, he hopes, is besotted. 

“We walked off the ferris wheel to a group of carnies that Hob had hired, a quartet, to meet us and they sang ‘Cherish’ acapella.”

Hob’s brows shoot up into his hairline, stunned silent. 

“The Madonna song?” Somebody asks, Dream thinks it’s Hob’s cousin, Fancis.

“The Association,” Dream spares them a glance and a vague gesture with his wrist. “It’s an oldie.”

Grandma Johanna puts her hand on her chest and makes a sound like, “t’aw.”

“And then,” Dream continues, delighted now to have the upper hand. “Hob joined them for the chorus.”

Jo and some of Hob’s cousins exclaim loudly, looking back to Hob, who is running a hand through his hair with a wide, uncomfortable smile as more of his family join in on the slowly building sound of laughter. Dream smirks and tugs on Hob’s arm to get his attention. 

“You have a great voice, darling, don’t be embarrassed. I was very smitten.”

“Oh, I’m sure you were,” Hob says, his ears red. Dream would never admit it, but it’s a very cute look on him. 

“And when you asked me to marry you, of course I said yes.” Dream tapped Hob on the nose, who’s eyes narrowed murderously. Dream smiled with teeth, uncaring how sarcastic he appeared now.

“Oh you guys!” Hob’s mother exclaimed, her expression reflecting utter joy. Jo was whispering something to Hob’s brother and snickered between themselves. “That’s very unlike the Robert we all know,” she gives Hob a knowing look. “I suppose love makes you do strange things.”

“Strange, yeah. That’s one way to put it.” Hob is looking at Dream again, his eyes glinting with revenge, most likely. But Dream doesn’t mind. He’s just relieved they got this out of the way, along with the bonus of managing to embarrass Hob in front of his entire family. A win-win in Dream’s books.

the song Dream came up with... which Hob would definitely, absolutely, sing to Dream on any other occasion lol

#dreamling #hob x dream #the proposal au #listen i was gonna write the kiss scene here too #but im gonna go in a different direction with that... #it'll be much better. you'll see #oh god does this mean im actually (kinda) writing this?? #fucking hell lol #this is just for fun so im not worried about editing #be free brain worm! #my writing

[phaedraismyusername]

3 days into the new year and I've already had the most stressful night of my life, rinsed out my bank account and quit my job so 2023 is really setting a tone I could live without tbh

#3 days #and im already exhausted #fucking hell lol #fingers crossed the universe chooses to be merciful for once

[never-took-a-lesson]

I’ve come to make an announcement: Forte is a bitchass mother fucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That’s right, he took his pipe organ little frilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG. And I said “that’s disgusting!” So I’m making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Maestro Maximilian Forte, you got a small dick, it’s the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what, here’s what my dong looks like: PFFFFGGGGHHHHTT!! That’s right baby. All point, no frills, no organ keys, look at that it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife so guess what, I’m gonna FUCK THE EARTH. THATS RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER LAZER PISS. Except I’m not gonna piss on the earth, I’m gonna go higher. I’m pissing on the MOOOOOON! How do you like that, Prince Adam? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty three hours before the piss drrrrrrrrroplets hit the fucking Earth! Now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!

…

….

“Did you get that out of your system? Do you feel better?”

#ic #fucking hell lol #tw: suggestive #tw: unsanitary #asks #anon

[petri808]

FINALLY

#fucking hell lol #eden’s zero #justice x elsie

[nightthinker-08]

I couldn't sleep so I drew some Pomnies shes surprisingly fun to draw lol Oh and some doomed yuri too I guess xD buttonblossom is cute n all but calling them doomed yuri or digital yuri is a lot funnier to me

#my art #the amazing digital circus #tadc #pomni #ragatha #tadc pomni #tadc ragatha #ragatha x pomni #pomni x ragatha #buttonblossom #jesterdoll #digital yuri #jesterdoll is cute too I wonder why this isnt the main ship name really- #Also headcanon that ragatha is goin to be oblivious af to pom's feelings even tho shes so hopelessly gay lol #Girl has massive low self esteem vibes and would prolly never think anyone would like her that way #like all the soft fics and art of them are cute I love it but lets be real these two would miscommunicate a fuck ton xD #like come on- #Constantly an inch away from a metal break down Pomni #and “how do you manage to stay positive- delusion” Ragatha #its a match made in miscommunication hell baby ;0c

[suxmorix]

“Boss Rush is fucking bullshit...” 

“It’s not the challenge...it’s the fact that I have to carry Basil’s ass so hard, only to lose...” 

#ic #random #open #m: Omori #somewhat mun's thoughts on boss rush mode... #fucking hell lol

[honeysoakedpetals]

social anxiety is me getting angry at myself for losing my sunglasses cause now I have to feel people stare when walking in public

#me #fucking hell lol #i just bought these bitches too #sunglasses #anxiety #woooooooo this was hard to confess internally lmao

[themathomhouse]

this disability pride month, stop making jokes about people in wheelchairs standing up or walking.

can I stand and walk? sure, for a short while and with pain. the consequences for trying to be out all day without a wheelchair are that I'll be in bed for the rest of the week, too tired and in too much pain to move.

but the government won't give me my own wheelchair because they have the same attitude as these jokes - I can stand up, so I don't need one. exercise is good for you, you should walk!

it keeps me trapped in the house, unable to do anything more than short stints anywhere without borrowing or hiring a wheelchair - one that causes me pain to sit in and relies on someone to push me (usually with difficulty), because they're not going to have a high-end chair for that sort of thing.

it's not a miracle that a wheelchair user can stand or walk. it's something we should aspire to see more often.

#disability #disability pride month #chronic fatigue #fibromyalgia #cfs/me #post exertional malaise #like fucking hell people we should really be long past this by now #why am I seeing these bullshit jokes on my dash in twenty fucking twenty three #i did a short walk to a cafe yesterday because I thought I was up to it #and my right leg has seized up #my ankle can barely take my weight and my hip won't move properly #also lol I almost certainly have hEDS but cannot persuade a doctor to give me a referral #in summary #stop being fucking dense #i would rather people who don't need mobility aids use them than have people struggle because they don't want to be seen as a faker #or have people think that you have to reach a certain level of severity before you need it #also if I had a wheelchair I would bring my cat with me more places but that's by the by

[papanowo]

no amount of canon is going to stop me from believing the batch were delta squad fanboys when they were kids

#same goes for omega and the domino twins but thats another story #but like srsly tell me im wrong. thats right you CANT because scorch and wreker would LITERALLY be besties if it werent for filoni #FUCK YOU FILONI #anyways. #my art #star wars #tbb #bad batch #delta squad #republic commando #repcomm #scorch #tbb wrecker #wrecker #tbb hunter #hunter #tbb tech #tech #this is bad cus its 5am and im artblocked as hell but oh well lol #but yeah lol next episode predictions ^_^

[suchawrathfullamb]

they did us dirty for not showing Will's reaction when he found out Hannibal took Bedelia with him after he ran to Europe. that's why he tried to stab him lmao

#my boy was fuming #that was probably the 13th reason for him to get his ass to the ocean and find them lol #he was like hell nooo hell fucking no it's one thing for you to ditch me gutted but to take another bitch ??? fuck you you gon pay #hannigram #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #murder husbands #hannibal lecter #hugh dancy #mads mikkelsen

[chalkeater]

Best friend to best friend communication (w/ @3boodr)

#deltarune #kris dreemurr #susie deltarune #simon petrikov #funniest fucking set of tags ever . lol #susart #fictive #fictives #thinking if i should post my vent here. yes i will. later. because i look back at it and im like what the hell is my life (hashtag FUNNY) #also kris you keep changing your username #its RLLY funny because my most top posts link to like nobodies now LOL #kris p #myself

[flintbian]

There's a disabled angel in good omens 🥺

#listen im only in episode two and i know there's some drama going down but im focusing on this lol #i love that not only do they show the angel using a wheelchair and being ambulatory #but they also visibly show them miracling innaccessibility issues so that they Can still use the chair #instead of just getting rid of the disability #part of my is conflicted bc im like... there's disabilities in heaven? and that makes Me sad bc my disability is hell and painful as fuck #But getting rid of disability in fantasy is eugenist crap and showing that god made a disabled angel is a net good thing #while it personally makes me sad to think if there was a heaven i could still be in pain all the time #not all disabilites are bad and need to be cured we're a wide spectrum and we've been fighting for disabled rep esp in fantasy for ages #it's objectively good my personal feelings about my own disability aside #part of me thinks it's cliche to say 'you were made perfect' bc they're an angel But it's not we literally havent had this type of rep lol #anyways it made me happy to see #and im so glad it's a power chair user that's ambulatory it's important for abled ppl to see that #anyways y'all keep your drama and spoilers off my post im not far in and im only talking about this shoo #oh also!! love the fantasy hover chair they use in heaven specifically too i wish we had that it kicks ass #p

[theatrevampire]

lmao sorry if i was an old man dying from parkinson's with a lot of regrets in my life and the vampire i met in my 20s called me up 50 years after an interview where he attacked me and was like "can we try again?" and then i got to his billionaire dubai penthouse and sat down and THIS was what he said to me it would have been fucking van helsing ON THE SPOT like why don't we take a walk outside in the sunlight you shady ass queen

#yes i know this is probably just louis lamenting the fact that he is immortal but the way he says it is just so djshfajsdkl lol #takes me out EVERY TIME #interview with the vampire #amc interview with the vampire #louis de pointe du lac #daniel molloy #iwtv #amc iwtv #text post #tp #and yes this relates back to 'i'd give it to you NOW' bitch sit your ass down and shut the hell up!! #louis is so fucking petty i live

[prettyysavagee]

I’m sorry for always driving you crazy 😘

#crazy #cute #curvy and cute #im back #sexy content #beauty #sexy tease #curvy #so hot 🔥🔥🔥 #hot as fuck #my post #trending #song quotes #so hot and sexy #sexy pose #girlblogging #lets chat #let’s talk #lets play #18+ content #lol #so cute #xoxo #just a girl #like #hot as hell

[dommedolly]

Sorry but friendly reminder that if you have no age in bio do not interact with this blog. That means even just liking a post or two.

#sorry absolutely not sorry #fucking hell lol

[kordyceps]

wheezes into my coffee cup about THEM

#art korner #steter #stiles stilinski #peter hale #steter art #steter fanart #teen wolf #oh my god drawing characters based on real people is so hard #particularly peter #fuck you and your beautiful and difficult face ian bohen #this isn't very exciting as far as artwork goes but i'd never drawn them before and had to get a feel for it lol #please send help it's 2023 and somehow i've fallen into steter hell and cannot get out