#for the record i do realize why homestuck sucks

[online2002]

I'm sorry this is for my own good... im only healing my inner child... this is beyond my control.... I promise I don't read homestuck on purpose just like I don't listen to the smiths and radiohead on purpose it just kinda happenned on accident I promise. Wait ... why are you turning away from me. Hey I think you forgot to take your airpods out. Hey dude did you hear what I said why are you walking away from me hey wait wait fuck wait don't walk away let me explain wait

#rambling #SOOOORRRYYYYYY #for the record i do realize why homestuck sucks #i just think its funny cause i didnt think id ever attempt to read it again but i am .... #i feel like its something to do in order to heal my inner child and its not even a joke #might keep this one to myself though #maybe ill make a sideblog for it but i dont know which is more embarrassing #homestuck on main or making a side blog for it #man i just need to be put down at this point. like go right ahead and point your gun at me i wont even flinch #homestuck / #? do i tag it like this

[davekat-sucks]

homestuck's fanbase is really making me feel like giving up on the story as a whole... Jesus, I might just call it quits soon. Listening to idiots try to defend how shit Homestuck's story became is too exhausting. It reminds me of when I was listening to lectures of, people who hardly counted as, writers go off about how important it is to prioritize representation over all else. They never realized if you do a terrible job with writing a story, you do a terrible job of representing women, different racial groups, gay men, ext. They don't want to write female characters like they're people who make mistakes and grow. Those authors wanted women to always be perfect and always in the right and her biggest obstacle is that men don't believe in her. You can see that in Star Wars with Rei or Captain Marvel as an example of the mindset I'm talking about.

I liked homestuck because so many of the female characters had challenges and flaws. Aradia, Terezi, Rose... They had amazing stories and their flaws made them interesting.

Homestuck could have been a story about different people who have completely different mindsets coming together for a common goal. Homestuck is just... soap opera drama and shitty teen romance at the end of the story where the characters just wait for the story to finish and most of the audience left. In the epilogue, it feels like all of the characters gave up. I suppose Kanaya did put in effort to find Rose and make sure she is safe, I'll give the story credit there. Dirk wants something too. Dirk's goal is just to close the loop and create the first universe in the first place but all you ever hear people talking about is how his motivations have something to do with the shitty meta fiction gimmick the story has going on. "Gotta keep the story going or else the characters fade out of memory" That is such bullshit concept. Sounds like a justification for why there are so many Star Wars shows now. Sounds like milking an IP. Quantity of quality kind of excuse.

And, for the record, my beef isn't with how the fandom represents it's own headcanons or interpretations of the characters, my beef is with how people talk about the canon. Fandom and canon should be two different things. But people act like the fandom should influence canon. I thought the point of both of the cherubs were to show that is a bad idea. Fanon being in canon feels like it derails the story, even the homosuck part that Caliborn came up with.

I'm getting tired of trying to even find a space in this fandom. It's occupying too much of my freetime now. I have so much nostalgia for homestuck but now it feels like trying to get back on the swings of a playground, too old for this shit. Fuck, I adulted too hard and I outgrew fandom I guess. Shit sucks.

Ah well, at least they fans are having fun. But how much fun can you really have when Rose screwed over Kanaya in two timelines? Kanaya felt like a better character in the epilouge cause she's given a challenge to face that is unique to her and her relationship with her wife. Rose's dad brainwashed(?) her to leave her wife, wow, Kanaya that's some shit. Just sucks that she is getting cucked AGAIN. Is it a universal constant that Kanaya is just going to keep falling for women who don't respect her? Maybe she should have stuck with Vriska. All of this Kanaya Rose drama is a bad sign of what's to come. I think it's disrespectful to the fans that are still sticking around. I'm not really included in this bunch. My horse tapped out of the race years ago. People who are still holding out for hope this story is going somewhere are either the most optimistic people out there or the most beaten down.

It's no wonder so many people who worked on homestuck abandoned ship. Toby looks like he's having a good career and Hussie looks like he's afraid of what he created. Maybe there is poetic justice to be gleaned from all of this.

It had lot of creative ideas and talent. But through it, there are cracks and messes that can't be ignored. Even now, the same kind of messes appear again in present times and I think people are scared to talk about it in fear that the thing they love was not as great as they though it was. We really are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Even when moments in the series and narrative itself that tells the audience that we were stupid to even care, we stayed because we loved it for what it was back then before the meta shit kicked in. The whole revival of the series so it won't fade away and being comparable to Star Wars is a good way to describe it. The team not taking risks to actually go outside of the Homestuck cast, tell a new story, or even trying to focus on the base webcomic alone that made it popular in the first place. They can't even put more focus on Hiveswap just yet because they know people know Homestuck first before Hiveswap, despite said game could make a better introduction or entryway for people to get interested in the webcomic. I'm not sure what is going on through Hussie or James Roach's mind for all this.

#homestuck #homestuck fandom

[homestuckexamination]

Your explanation on the discourse was really interesting because... it catered entirely to the team? I know we all like this webcomic, and don’t want something we spend so much time on to have anything bad, but if we love something, it’s okay to admit there’s something bad or many bad things going on. There’s a least one member who’s name I won’t say that is without a doubt at fault and has said and done many horrible things, including saying they wrote their part just to anger fans

Let me put my view out there anon, even though I’ve talked about this at large before. First of all, as I’ve said ad-nauseum before, I will say that in the context of The Epilogues and Homestuck^2, I am someone who likes what is going on. I genuinely enjoy the direction of the story, with no external prompting, and the Discourse always catches me off-guard because I never realize what people are going to be arguing about next, because when I am going through the story, I really DO enjoy what I am experiencing. Of course it is not perfect, by any god damn means, however, I am parting from the basis that my opinion inherently differs from the vocally negative voice of the Fandom right now.

I am a Content Creator. I am a writer, and I have started dabbling in art recently. I have plans, and ideas, to write a book, I want to create an original setting, that I’ve designed through an amalgam of my experiences, my points of view, and the things I like, as well as my hopes and dreams. Do you know why I side with the Team and ‘cater’ to them when I talk about Discourse? Because. The Fandom. Fucking sucks right now.

I have voiced my opinion on the Epilogues, and had death threats and suicide bait sent at me because I DARED to defend them! I have seen the Team- The same Team that made Pesterquest, one of the most Fandom-positive pieces of media I have ever had the pleasure of playing through, being sent those same threats and suicide bait at a scale I cannot even begin to comprehend. I have seen Queer Authors express their identity and experiences in the text, and people twisting them in some delusional way to accuse them of being Queerphobic in turn.

Do you know why I seem to ‘side with the Team’? Because I like the content they are producing, and the ‘fans’ are a ball of vitriol that tells me that if I like the Epilogues, I am either delusional, a bootlicker, or evil. Because I see the ‘fans’ pop into a post the official Twitter is doing, about supporting BLM, and what I see is people ignoring the contents entirely to send the team insults and ask ‘WHEN IS HIVESWAP ACT 2′ like a broken record. Because I see the ‘fans’ latching onto someone on the Team like the ONE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL, and proceed to doxx her, call the police on her, and threaten her and everyone close to her until she has to step down and drop off the team, during a global fucking Pandemic.

Am I biased for the Team? YEAH of fucking course I am, because I like the things they are exploring, because I related to things they are writing, because I truly do believe they’re doing something fun and entertaining, and what I see in turn in the Fandom, is hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE.

You say that it’s okay to admit there’s something wrong or bad in content you like, but at this point it’s that the worst of the Fandom doesn’t even like the content. They actively do nothing more than dislike it, and consume it ONLY to be angry, threaten and throw insults around. And if you even so much as dare to claim that, hey, maybe these aren’t healthy habits of Media Consumption, and you should, you know, not keep following something that makes you actively seethe and that you go in with the inherent idea that everything being written is being made to hurt you, you get called ableist for daring to tell people that they should take care of their mental health and not stay in a constant state of anger.

It IS okay to admit there’s something you dislike, or many things you dislike in content you follow, so long as you actually enjoy the content overall. It is more than okay to be critical of things you like. However, there is a difference between being critical, and being hypercritical to the point of rage and bandwagonning. Take Roxy for example. Roxy. Roxy is one of my favorite parts of the Epilogues, and I have seen them beyond recognition by the Fandom. But because the trans girl Roxy Headcanon was so popular, there’s so much vitriol around it. And it is okay to prefer to read Roxy as a trans woman. I do actually! It is one of my favorite headcanons! My own name is Roxy! In fact, with the ‘dubious canon’ divide and the Team’s explicit encouragement of the Fandom to have their own takes and read, they have done MORE in the way of elevating headcanons that diverge from their content than basically any other content creator I’ve seen before.

But then, then people start down a negative spiral. Well, transmasc NB Roxy sure wasn’t something they expected, right? It is not bad representation in the slightest, between the Epilogues and the deeper exploration of Roxy’s feelings in the Pesterquest Route, they are a really solid and interesting case in my mind! But there’s not even the sliver of positivity to be found. Why, surely, the ONLY reason why Roxy would be a trans guy instead of a trans woman, is because the Team is aware of the headcanon and is trying to spite the fans! Ergo, transmasc Roxy is an ATTACK on Trans Women, and as such a transphobic addition to the story!!! 

And in the process of doing so, you’re erasing the identity, experiences and relation a queer team has with a character they have messed with, and turning a positive piece of representation around to CALL the team TRANSPHOBIC for it. You’re ignoring the possibility that ANYONE could read Roxy that way, and that the ONLY possible reason for it is SPITE and SPITE alone. Imposing your view on the read of the character, twisting the context of the content around to make it to be negative, and keeping that furnace of hate and distrust going.

And this is. With. Literally. Everything. Again, I have been on the side of the Fandom that likes the content since the Epilogues came out. I have seen the Fandom ignore, and twist, the actual positive beats of the Epilogues like they never existed in the first place, and exacerbate the negatives. I have seen people call them literally evil, and throw extremely puritanical views of what kind of Media should exist, and what things should be scrubbed off of Media entirely, forever. I have seen the most minor of shit spark discourse, because the Fans are prompted to disregard every single positive thing and positive reading, and instead twisting authorial intent from something that could be fun, from a projection of their own experiences, into a personal assault that surely no one could ever enjoy.

If you ask me to see the bad in the content I like, and the creators that I follow, I ask you, too, to see the bad in the ball of vitriol this Fandom has become over the past year. My opinion is informed by the reaction the Fandom has had to the content I like, and what it has told to me, by the reaction I’ve seen them have, as well as by the words of the Authors on the topic, and the content they have pumped out. I have seen and read ‘receipts’, I’ve seen every last piece of discourse happen, no matter how minor it may have been, because I am lucky to be a mildly loud voice in the Fandom because of this blog.

So when I seem to side with the Team instead of the Fandom, know that I am not making an impulsive choice to cover up the flaws of content I like. I have seen enough going around to inform this choice, and I know who I’m defending. And if you think “catering” to the Team rather than the Fandom considering what the Fandom just did is strange, I honestly don’t know what to tell you. We just have inherently different points of view.

#Homestuck #HS^2 #Homestuck^2 #Epilogues #WP #Discourse #Long Post #Longpost

[pinktatertots99]

🔥 Feelings on the canon ships of Homestuck?

Send Me a 🔥+ a Topic, and I’ll Tell You My Honest Opinion About It

god am i gonna need to go with the sequals too? just og or all ships that’re considered canon by the end? whatever i’ll just go in order in what might be the ‘canon’ ships from all three of these categories. this is gonna be fucking long so anything and everything is under the cut. also i’m SO not gonna add hiveswap that can be its own separate ask. so:

roxygen: it’s a cute ship...but the sequal vers is garbage considering how inconsiderate roxy is to john’s feelings and his house burning down like damn rox this is the guy who sat with ya as ya mourned doom rose’s death give the guy some fuckin time himself.

rosemary: also cute ship...sequal versions are fuckin godawful tho. their barely a thing in meat from wha i can gather and then there’s candy...oh CANDY kanaya deserves better fuck this sense of her sayin she’s over it idc if it was off screen, even then half the cast ate stupid pills during that time so WHY must i be surprised that this is wha happens?

dave/kat: i dun like it. in either universe. meat is just perfect gay bois who have occasional deep talks and literally do nothing else while candy they split up thanks to jade which, geez ya guys must’ve been shit to tell her to fuck off like come on. og hs wise i barely consider them canon if we only get pictures and them just being on equal footing on quadrant talk. not to mention dave implied to be crushing on jade and JOHN not karkat, idk where this couple even came from other then love triangle situation with terezi but like, that’s barely much of a reason to become canon. i’d go with em bein pale/moirails more.

jadedave: i’m guessing candy and meat i thought meat implied they were dating but may aswell. so....it sucks but thats because candy and meat suck, meat dave’s basically cheating on her i didnt hear any implication they broke up and she’s like...chill??? and then there’s candy where she literally forced him and kar to break up and dated after dirk apparently died, i do not like the implications of this whole thing. course candy dave is dead and a robot now so...anyways canon wise dave had a crush on her and if jade does like him i’d hope it’s not cause of davesprite cause despite both being dave’s they were different. it’s cute otherwise.

davepetajade: it’s...cute? i guess? idk i kinda found davepeta a bit...idk overwhelmingly overrated? like i know where their popularity came from but readin the series now after all that hype i dont really see it anyways tho it’s basically davespritejade with nepeta in the mix. and idk nothin implied much of nepeta liking jade, or talkin to her much. and davepetasprite is a mesh of both so idk. it’s a ship with cute fanon works of em hanging with outfits but that’s bout it.

janejake: i hate it. legit. this is disgusting and completely throws out jane’s character. like even in the fixed timeline the talk she had with dirk probably still happened on the god bed’s and how she acknowledged wha she thought was wrong on wantin jake’s kids and so on trickster still happened and how she also realized she might’ve overhyped jake. but lets throw it ALL out the window to force jake in an unhappy marriage in both universes and possibly force him to stay in candy due to having tavvy if i’m reading the implications right. even then jake isn’t good for jane either both got their own needs this ship would’ve been sunked in canon and WAS but the sequals are beyond it so maybe that explains it but it disgusts me.

roseterezi: guess in meat specifically. yeah i kinda dont...care for it, like i still cant tell if rose and kanaya broke up or if she just fucked off without breaking up either one is fucked up on kan’s behalf. even then i just dont care for their kismesis it got brought up once and that was it.

jaderose: candy wise i guess even tho it was a fling. it disgusts me still mostly because of kan’s behalf on bein fucked over and both goin through a ‘surrogation’ process without her notice. like fuck this shit the jaderose fans deserve better.

roxycallie: idk if this one’s canon but it’s heavily implied callie lives with roxy least in candy. it’s cute, cant deny it even in og it was pretty cute, dont really care for candy vers tho but then again maybe their not a couple in it idk what’s canon couples anymore.

johnterezi: literally fucked in meat universe and john has kismesis feelings for her in canon. it’s...interesting, idk tho i feel like it’s one sided on john’s side.

ms paint/spade slick: i cant deny it’s cute, he’d least know how to treat a lady but god i’d hope it wouldnt be his only defining trait with her. also want ms paint to call his bullshit out pls and thanks.

dirkjake: honestly i cant tell if their STILL canon in og or not god forbid the sequals. in general though...i dont. i honestly dont really like em together much. they seem like the type to least stay friends but idk bout another relationship would be a good idea for em. maybe later down the line but otherwise canon wise they need a break.

and now for the canon one timer ships this involves any ships implied, uncomfirmed, ex-relationships, crushes, etc:

arasol: it’s cute, best ship. their quadrant was never confirmed but regardless their cute. sol tho in the sequals deserved better then to get abandoned by aradia goddamn.

fefsol: also cute, i live for both of em bein ass’s together.

erisol: oh boi this one...this was...yeah i cant even deny they wouldnt be too healthy, i like lookin at fanon ways tho for em. canon wise tho yeaaaah no these guys definietly wouldnt work.

gamtav: it’s...cute but boi gamzee needs some help i think.

gamsol: -sollux did imply he either wanted a kismesis or matesprit with him in one of the flashes- again same as gamtav.

aradia/equius: BIG NOPE nope nope nope equi that’s weird wha ya did never do it again thank fuck aradia hasnt been around him since.

karterezi: their actually kinda cute, looking back on em they could’ve worked. stupid doomed timeline bullshit.

daverezi: also kinda cute, idk tho if i got flushed for em tho i get more pale vibes but it was semi-a thing.

kanvris: it’s baaaaad kanaya deserves much better and vriska never seemed much the type for cementing into a relationship.

vristav: even worse, like i’d like to thank fuck tav one up-ed her in the end cause fuck wha he had to go through.

karmeenah: it...could be cute? maybe? only iffy part is the ages, i thought the dancestors were like sixteen tho since the kids said they were teenagers even tho they were at the time about fourteen? idk tho if eighteen is considered an adult in alternia or not tho it’s kinda implied to be? anyways tho it’s just off puttin maybe a bit tho.

meenahvris: it’s kinda cute, it was atleast, idk lookin back it does feel more unhealthy.

rufidama: baaaaaad i love rufi but he’s got some bullshit he needs worked out and damara deserves someone better.

rufihorr: just as bad as above, both deserve someone better or atleast horrus does with some therapy on it rufioh i think should just chill on relationships but it’s so obvious their not meant to be.

mitula: it’s cuuuuuute i cant deny it, ...okay fanon vers is canon is barely anything and tula does give more pale implications for tuna but with how protective she was over damara near him it’s sweet, but god do i wish canon tuna gave more feelings for tula.

kantula: it’s...creepy. like it’s so obvious the vantas bois cant communicate well but kankri’s crush feels almost pressuring on tula when he kept goin about them and goin “oh but we’re totally friends and i’m celibate so it’s okay its whatevs” like kan go to a corner give tula some air to breath.

crotuna: BIG NOPE cronus needs to learn fuckin boundaries thirsty fish bastard.

should i even add cro//eri due to the fact he literally asked an eridan out? regardless gross, ew, no, i’ll take the fanon ampora brothers anyday canon i didnt fuckin need that thx.

porrnea: it was implied to be more of a fling. idk considerin aranea’s track record i cant really say i’d trust her in many flushed quads. and porrim seems the type to have hers open and not a closed off thing so idk they got different cases.

aranea/jake: i cant deny it’s fuckin cute, i’d would’ve loved if they tried to do somethin but aranea was definietly uhhh not a good choice for jake. least she backed off when he didnt wanna be kissed but man yeah, it was cute while it lasted.

kurmeu: i cant deny the idea kur forced himself quiet due to hurting meu hurts me in a sweet way but as of rn them bein ‘pale’ and him mind controllin her when we dunno if she’s alright with this or not is...disturbing.

vristerezi: i am HIGHLY doubtful this is canon considering everything but i guess i gotta cement this. i dont see em as canon in og or sequal wise since vris is still gone in both, even then i dont like, see it, i see it but idk man i like em more pale then pail.

erifef: honestly no. both are much too different for a relationship, kinda glad they uh...got cut short cause honestly even their moirailship wasnt healthy what’s to say a matespritship would? on BOTH sides mind you.

rosejohn: thank karkat’s shipping board. anyways, i think their cute cause fuck it rose is a bi-con to me, canon wise probably wouldnt work but i’ll take fanon.

vriseri: kinda glad they got cut short of their kismesis cause boi eridan deserves a better one with how shit vriska was in breaking up with him.

johnvris: it was cute, i cant deny i’m soft over how the two talked things about vriska’s life and john’s it’s just kinda cute. it’s obvious tho canon wise with wha john went through it wont work out. would’ve loved if they became moirails tho but o well canon is god i guess.

spadePM: i dont like much of their implications, would be an unhealthy relationship regardless considerin spade’s flushed and PM’s pitch, they deserve some therapy and other people.

dadbert/momlonde: their cute i like the implications of em, sad they died though, it was cute while it lasted.

meowrails: may aswell count moirails in this shipping mess. anyways their cute, they gimmie sibling vibes course equius early into it was so...not a good moirail.

kurtuna: i guess it might be cute moirails? idk tho with kurloz’s implications it concerns me.

gamkar: as moirails...karkat was fuckin shit at his job i cant sugarcoat it. i get where it’s from he’s not gam’s lusus and shouldn’t be forced to check on him during his time of gettin high and such, i get they were kids, but god gam kinda deserved a better moirail. and then later on in the series it gets more fucked up between kar gettin stabbed by him and both in a pretty unhealthy moirailationship to the fixed timeline where gamzee is just shut into a fridge and kar doesnt fuckin care, like dude, wow. gamzee was bad yeah but damn, harsh a tad.

terezigam: as a kismesis it’s almost disgustingly unhealthy to me and honestly terezi deserved better and gamzee maaaaybe shouldn’t get a kismesis, ever, unless he can sort his shit out -the sequals tho wont do that lol-

minorly gonna count johndave in this: idk if i can see john reciprocating for dave so dave’s crush on him almost kinda hurts, especially since fixed timeline dave’s john is well, dead and our john is probably still different from his john, has angst but man i kinda dont mind it as a one sides crush it’s nice confirmation of dave bein bi atleast.

nepetajasper/jasprose: i cant see it, it’s disturbing i guess. i like em more as friends but jasprose is probably more creepy bout it.

signless/diciple: i think considerin the implications they were fuckin adorable and deserved the best.

summoner/mindfang: it’s kinda sad considerin its implied mindfang’s love for him might’ve been one sided, they could’ve been cute tho.

orphanor/mindfang: probably sounded like the best kismesis’s until he murdered dolorosa.

dolorosa/mindfang: BIG NOPE i dun like the implications.

condence/orphaner: since it’s implied orphaner had a crush on her, gonna say tho big nope considerin condence is a bitch.

condence/lord english: its hard to decipher their relationship in canon, but to cover all my bases it’s big nope to me somethin bout it makes me uncomfy despite both bein bastards.

#home stuck #hs #the pink one speaks

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi Meat, p5 reaction

Meat Page 5.

We might be due another perspective switch - unless the plot stays with John until he's assembled all his friends.

When John goes to pick up Rose, it’ll probably be on LOLAR. Terezi might still be there, if she hasn’t gone clownhunting just yet.

If so, perhaps we’ll get to see whether Rose ‘n Terezi’s migraine was really due to the substance abuse + caleidoscopic colours of LOLAR + glitches… Or whether it was due to the GO timeline “supposed to” have gone differently, with John’s current retcon being the thing missing to happen. It takes a bit of effort, remembering what everyone was exactly up to on this part of the GO timeline and what would be a fortunate time for John to take it off the rails. For Kanaya, that might very well be the moment Jane set up her literal shop on LOFAF, selling her all those blood potions, for instance.

For Dirk, it might be before his conversation with Arquiusprite.

I'm getting the feeling that John might be jumping to exactly those moments in the scenes where the characters were at their lowest, self-esteem wise. Giving them a literal second breath. ;)

Not sure what we can expect from the ghost side of things though. I think they might not be duplicated, leading us to meet up with (Vriska) as we knew her, punk cut and all. Even though GO Terezi's ghost will be there with her too.

I'm half convinced Calliope will get copied somehow, but not entirely sure. The only 'real' duplicate Calliope had already, besides Alt Calliope, was her dreamself. He could snatch the body, but I was under the impression Caliborn consumed it in a literal sense to establish his dominance over the body.

Meanwhile, it occurred to me to that Andrew Hussie (the author avator) will make a comeback, probably a background cameo. I've only now realized that he's a literal ghost writer of his own story right now, in-canon. While outside of canon, he’s more becoming like Stan Lee, executive producing stories using characters he designed.

Anyway, let's start this up.

---

"The stands of the Cantown Memorial Arena" Okay, my first thought was this takes place on the meteor, but yeah, it's a building named presumably after the literal Cantown WV build in his station, back on Earth. Or the Exile Town that Bec Noir massacred. Though, does this indicate a perspective switch back to Roxy... Or is the CMA where Rumble in the Pumpkin Patch is recorded? Probably the latter, meaning the perspective is switching back to Dave! Uh, the alpha version, I guess I should call him? Post-canon, adult Dave?

"His shit eating was so brutal that no one, except maybe Jake, cares that he’s taking a phone call in the middle of a live broadcast." So, was it staged, or did Jake really get a power boost, coming into his role as the Page?

Also, I feel like if Karkat's run for president gets announced by Dave on live television, "and the crowd goes wild" will apply here.

"Dave takes a seat on the couch, right in Karkat’s butt groove." Okay, so he's not going just yet. ... Karkat's butt groove is available because the latter absconded the fuck out last we saw him, hahah.

"a piece of absolute garbage." Callback secured.

"DAVE: while the beatdown you just received was as thorough as it was humiliating im afraid as usual the solution to this problem should probably not involve your decapitation" While Dirk might be the one to keep this beaten dead horse of an in-joke going, Dave isn't going to be the one to cut its head off and end its misery. :P

"DAVE: jake just kicked your ass DAVE: thats really all there is to say on the matter" AWWWWW yessss, hahahahah. Dirk's laid down, on the ground, on his smartphone, just like Dave was after his beatdown by Bro. Awesome callback.

"DAVE: its really amazing how this meme we have going here continues to be exactly as funny as the day it was established DIRK: Isn’t it always though? DAVE: yeah" That's Strider Irony at its finest for you. You never can be entirely sure non-sincerity is what's taking place here.

" DAVE: how DID you get your ass kicked so bad DAVE: jake sucks and his raps are fucking awful" Oh, scratch that thing about his power level, then. ... The rapbots didn't join in to beat Dirk down, did they? ... Though I would like to see either them or their zilly versions again. :P

"

On the TV, Dirk makes an elegant hand sign that once might have represented solidarity with some ancient coastal rap group but now has been utterly divorced from its cultural context here on Earth C." Is it a sign associated with... the ICP? Yes, I guess whatever 'references' the kids make get picked up as divine decree...

"The camera pans away from him and over the crowd. It zooms in on a young crocodile wearing an oversized T-shirt with Jake’s highly marketable ass plastered over it and the phrase “Tally ho” written in big bubble letters." ... including stuff that was already dated when the gods were still actual kids. (By which I mean the phrase, not Jake's marketable ass.)

"DIRK: Holding back a little to achieve certain results doesn’t necessarily mean you’re participating in a farce or rigging the event. DIRK: We do this all the time. We hold back our thoughts, our true feelings, our full potential. We disguise how much we know about what and when, for many purposes. To ease relations, to let others behave naturally and make up their minds without undue intervention. To wait for the right moments to show our hands, to pick our battles. " Dirk is still overthinking things. :P He's also still a schemer, even though he's grown more mature. I think in this case, he might be trying to keep up Jake's taste for adventure and hone his skills? That might be related to the fact that he's one of the few in the know of what John is up to (also a thing he's withholding right now), and he might be trying to get Jake battle-ready in case he needs to be. ... In case he doesn't believe they'll stay irrelevant to the plot.

"DAVE: my dog you are full of some SHIT today arent you DIRK: Absolutely." It's a good thing Dave can see Dirk typing, otherwise I might have asked whether Dirk may have reinstated an autoresponder to answer when he's busy. :P

"DIRK: And when it comes to theater, there are just as many reasons for restraint. To build tension. To set the stage. To give the people someone to root against." Okay, that's actually kind of meta. Also, in-story, it might mean Dirk is deliberately trying to come off as weaker, to get people to boo at Jake so he can play hero?

"DAVE: i can see you on tv DAVE: theyre booing you dude" Okay, never mind.

"The excitable salamander manning the camera switches to a fish-eye lens for some unfathomable reason, giving the whole exchange an air of demented absurdity. Dirk’s sunglasses distort and stretch to dominate the entire screen." I'm all here for NPC races doing menial labor half-way competently. :P Also, I feel like there should be some sort of visual callback to that image of Dirk's sunglasses. Something to do with the black hole from Problem Sleuth expanding to suck the entire universe up, which was reflected in the Stiller shades, and the event in itself is being called back to now, in the Black Hole sucking up the Furthest Ring!

"JAKE: What about the agitated rabble? Theyre starting to throw things. DIRK: I don’t know. Do a dance or something. Sing a song. DIRK: They love anything you do. JAKE: Ummm. JAKE: Ok sounds stupid but ill try." Using Jake's charisma as crowd control? Dirk, you beautiful mastermind.

"Jake tips an imaginary hat toward center stage and begins doing the Charleston." Hah, right, this might be a callback to that other Page dancing old-time dances, hahah, Tavros after he assembled the ghost army.

"Just as Dirk predicted, the crowd immediately loses its shit, except for a single carapacian in the front row, who continues to glower at Dirk with an expression of absolute and total contempt." If Jack hadn't remained in the session, I would've designated this guy as his great-whatever-grandchild.

"DAVE: why do you want people to hate you so much DAVE: its fucked up DIRK: You’re reading way too much into it." I don't necessarily believe that.

"DIRK: If I wanted another round of embarrassingly indulgent and mutually masturbatory psychoanalysis, I would have called my daughter instead. DAVE: hm DAVE: do i need to point out how fucking weird what you just said was or can that start going without saying at this point" This. This is Homestuck. This entire exchange.

" DIRK: The point is, playing myself up as a villain figure in this hacky rap pageant has nothing to do with getting people to dislike me. Besides, everyone loves a good villain. When they boo, they don’t really mean it." That has me thinking of Thog, a villain from Order of the Stick, actually. But yeah, Caliborn, Condy and others were really good villains. Doesn't mean we didn't mean it when we cursed them, though.

"DIRK: I think you’d be surprised by how popular I actually am. DAVE: i dunno man" At some point, playing the villain stops being a role, if you're too thorough in antagonizing the crowd. Dirk may have gone overboard here - in his role in the pageant I mean, I don't think anyone loves their god any less. Just one more way to show that, victory state or not, their original issues still come into play and challenge them to grow.

"DIRK: The point is, this is much less about me, and more about providing a foil for Jake’s heroism and charisma. DIRK: It’s very important that his popularity continues to be cultivated, to maximize his political capital. DAVE: political capital" ... Oooooh! Thinking three steps ahead of everyone again, nice going Dirk! I think Dirk might even have foreseen Dave rallying Karkat to stand against Jane, but I wonder which side he'll be choosing!

" DAVE: what the fuck are... DAVE: ok how long have you known about the jane thing DAVE: i mean is this something you have been planning for like DAVE: a long time or DIRK: Planning is such an intense word." Oh, he's trying to pull the strings again, is he? What game is he playing then, what policies does he want to instate, if any? ... Is Dirk a supposed xenophone too, or just playing to the tune of the largest group of swing voters?

" DAVE: jane is a shitty candidate dude DAVE: shes going to be so shitty DIRK: I thought you’d feel that way." ... Pfff I just realized Dirk wasn't typing, since this was a phone call. He's saying this all out loud! Typing's the old way of conversation, we discarded it for the most part, everyone has their Gift of Gab now. Well, hopefully at least Dave's part isn't being recorded and broadcast.

"DIRK: I respectfully disagree. DAVE: i get shes a good friend of yours and all but even you have to admit how far up her own ass she is DIRK: Of course. I consider it to be among her best qualifications for the job." Dirk might just be thinking: a self-absorbed candidate won't notice being pulled around. Even though she's, you know, his dear friend and all, he's still planning on manipulating her. :/ Old habits and such.

"DAVE: christ DAVE: ok if nothing else have you at least taken into account the DEVASTATION to the economy this will cause???" Strider Irony(tm).

"DIRK: Dave, I think if you search your soul, you’ll come to the same conclusion I have. Jane is just what this planet needs. DIRK: We’ve all had our fun here, but it’s easy to overlook the fact that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition. DIRK: Just beneath the surface, it’s quite a dangerous and unstable place." Oh, cool, so Dirk was acting on the same things Dave noticed, just having drawn different conclusions. Guess there's more to playing god as a winner of Sburb than sitting on your butt all day long, huh?

"DAVE: i know that DAVE: which is why actually i think it would be cool to have a president that is good instead of bad DIRK: He’s not as great as you think. DAVE: what" See, I know Dirk'll say Karkat, but I kind of wish he'd say Obama. :P

"DAVE: who DAVE: obama?? DAVE: how dare you" XD PFFFFFffffhah, okay, should've seen that coming.

"DIRK: I’m happy for both of you, really. It’s nice that you encourage and support each other in this way. But you’re sending him on a fool’s errand which can only end badly." Like, I understand where Dirk's coming from, we know how unbalanced Karkat is at his worst. But Dirk's seems to be the conservatist route, while the current status quo is so unbalanced someone with at least a little liberal thinking should try changing policy, little by little. ... Okay now Homestuck has me doing political discourse. Hussieeeeeeee! ... Why am I now picturing a Homestuck AU about the climate change truant student marches of Europe?

"DAVE: wait DAVE: how do you even know hes entering the race DAVE: we like just decided this DIRK: A competent political operative has his ways. DIRK: Besides, it was always pretty obvious to me you’d react this way the moment the announcement was made." Okay, not ruling out entirely Dirk has something spying on Dave, but that would verge too much on what Bro would've done in his place. He probably just cold-mindedly assessed his potential response.

"DAVE: cause if youve already got jake on your side then i guess we might as well just fucking quit DIRK: I wouldn’t worry about that. DIRK: He and I don’t quite have the rapport we once did. DIRK: He’s “over me” and doesn’t spare opportunities to make ostentatious demonstration of this claim. DAVE: um DIRK: Basically he doesn’t like being told what to do. Especially not by me." Cool, okay, so... Jake is needy in his own way, in showing he can fend for himself, at least that's how Dirk sees it. Guess they still hang out a lot though, just no longer "like that". That must be a letdown for the shippers, but a boon for the people that felt betrayed at seeing Dirk & Jake back together in the Credits. I like that middle road, actually! And hey, the versions of Jake & Dirk in the New Game Plus timeline, or whatever we should call it, are still fair game!

"DIRK: So it’s fair to say as of now, he’s still fully in play. DIRK: Not that I should be encouraging you, really. DAVE: you are one doubletalking son of a bitch you know that DAVE: i cant tell if you dont want us to run or are reverse psychology mindfucking us into running" Very true, that. Why would he share the truth about Jake if he wants to win, unless he wants fair competition? Best not to dwell on it too long on this neverending stairway of hidden intentions, lest we fall down it.

" DAVE: not like i can just stand around and wait for president crocker to like DAVE: write fucking grammar laws into the constitution" Pfffff, yes, I had forgotten about Jane's grammar practices, hahah. Guess she has a good running mate in Dirk for that, at least, capitalization and everything in order when he's not rapping.

"DIRK: Sorry to cut this short, but diapers are starting to come down pretty hard right now, and some of them haven’t even had their babies removed. DAVE: what" what. I hope it's at least consort babies, they're arguably the most resilient, as semi-sapient animals.

"DIRK: That was a joke." Ah.

"Jake can’t help but watch the motion, raking his eyes over the muscles shifting beneath the skin of Dirk’s neck and arms.

There is something implacably magnificent about Dirk Strider, Jake thinks, untamed like a wild game beast of incredible size and strength." ... Well then! I didn't think the narration would offer us this view from the perspective of Jake, thought it would be reseverd for John! Not entirely sure how I feel about the privilege of seeing Jake pine for Dirk, though. :P At least it clarifies where the allure is in it, for him. It's an extension of his taste for adventure and his upbringing on an island full of terribly powerful beasts.

"Of course, their history together is never far from Jake’s mind, however many years it’s been since their last tussle of an amorous nature. The old dramas and triumphs in the days of Sburb. Dirk’s companionship has been taxing to the heart, to say the least, and yet he’s taught Jake so much—about combat, philosophy, life, love." Okay, that is just such a Jake thing to phrase it like this. I'm glad we get to see he's not so oblivious or un-elloquent in his mind as he presents himself to the outside world, consciously or not.

"But sometimes, despite their checkered and problematic past, Jakes wishes that he could seize Dirk by the proverbial horns and wrest him bodily into becoming a much more agreeable fellow." Heheh, so Jake actually would like to impose on Dirk some manners. At least with him it stays with desires, while Dirk really did try to impose on Jake when they were together.

"DIRK: How about you kick off the next round? DIRK: I bet this crowd will settle its shit right down the moment you drop the latest rhymes you’ve been tinkering with." This is going to be painful to read, isn't it? ... If we're going to read them at all. ... I swear, this might just lead into them having "the xest rapoff in the history of Earth C".

"Jake’s face lights up. He composes himself, adjusting a bow tie, although he is not wearing one, and making a vague gesture like he’s twirling one end of that mustache Dirk has not yet let him grow. Dirk lets him go with a gentle smile, like the sort you’d give to a dog for performing a trick adequately. Jake responds to the signal like an Olympic athlete hearing the starter pistol. He was born for this." All the best and worst aspects of Dirk & Jake as a couple are basically summarized here. I mean, Dirk is not even WITH Jake and vetoes some of his choices. Then again, Jake really does have TERRIBLE (but hilarious) taste in mannerisms.

"JAKE: Tally ho its me, jake mcgee! JAKE: Popping my pistols off, two shots and a kiss JAKE: My aim is tops, i never miss" ... I'm not disappointed, this really IS almost physically painful to read, as expected.

... Okay that was actually a very amazing rap. Well thought out, good use of the vocabulary, dated though it is. I liked "jake-eng's" and "jape-slings" in particular, especially since that was what Vriska dismissed him as, a joke, a jape.

"The crowd, as Dirk rightly predicted, has settled its shit right down. This is not due to any accidental brilliance on the part of Jake English, but rather due to an abashed but loyal brand of pity, the kind a devoted fan cannot help but feel when they see a beloved celebrity make an ass out of themselves during a live broadcast they have waited two and a half years in line to buy a ticket for." I think this might be Dirk's POV. Not everyone's tastes in rap are as dignified as his, after all. :P Consorts in particular might love this. Then again, we saw John embarass carapacians not too long ago, they're not immune to pitying people. But hey, on the brightside, maybe some of the audience <>'s Jake now. :P

"Dirk’s phone begins going off again." Unless it's something more ominous, this is probably Dave having the last quip.

"With a casual flick of his wrist, Dirk snaps out a bright red tranquilizer handgun and shoots Jake in the neck. Jake’s glasses crack when he hits the mat. A chorus of boos rises up from the crowd like groundwater. Dirk artfully dodges a bucket of obscene troll fluid to field yet another very important personal call." ... Did Dirk actually use a Crockertech tranquilizer on his co-god? What the hell, Dirk? Guess all is fair in the ring.

And I suppose it's not Dave then that is calling him this time, if he takes such drastic measures.

"DIRK: Yo Rose, what's up?" Oooh, if we get to see this, that would be early we get to see Rose again! Dirk and Rose'll probably be planning their next move now that John has left. (Which I take Rose to already know about, through her Seer powers, or a call with Roxy.) ... Maybe some of their plans only could have worked IF John left, if they wanted to regain some measure of relevance through them.

#homestuck #upd8 #reaction #spoiler alert #dirk strider #dave strider #jake english

[kingdomoftyto]

Quick question, if you were to classspec the Adventure Zone characters what do you think they would be? I feel like Taako would be on the heart/mind scale, and Magnus would be a blood player but beyond that not sure. Just wondering what your opinion on the matter is.

Whoooof I hadn’t thought about their classpects yet, hmm, okay

Taako - Definitely agree Taako’s related to Heart/Mind. Between his internal struggle between his own emotions and his aloof facade, as well as literally being faced with multiple Big Momentous Choices via Paloma’s prophecies, it’d be hard to argue otherwise, I think. Largely because of those big prophecy decisions (“There’s a third option!”), I’m leaning toward him being some sort of Mind player, which feels fitting not only because he’s a wizard but also because part of his growth over the course of the series is realizing he’s not actually stupid like he initially believed. I’d call Taako a Knight of Mind, using his many facades to shield himself from others as well as charming others (literally and otherwise) into acting the way he wants.

Merle - Oh boy, hear me out here. I think Merle is a Doom player. My understanding of Doom is that it revolves around sacrifice, and that alone should explain my reasoning, really. If the man who died 50+ times in his attempts to reason with a force of absolute destruction isn’t the embodiment of self-sacrifice, I don’t know who is. Additionally, though, Doom can also manifest as pessimism. This might at first seem counter to some of Merle’s more laid-back, rolling-with-the-punches moments and even his iconic “I choose joy” speech. But I think, deep down, Merle’s philosophies stem from a sort of nihilism that curves back in on itself and comes out as something approaching positivity. Things suck, and nothing matters, and maybe God doesn’t give a shit about us, but that’s why we have to keep going and making our own meaning and hope and happiness in the world. I’d probably call Merle a Prince of Doom, both destroying pessimism (Fungston, “I choose joy” again) and weaponizing his own sacrifices.

Magnus - Hmmmmmm I’ve been sitting here for several minutes contemplating different aspects and I can’t decide. I’m drawn to the Space/Time axis for Magnus because of his associations with creation (carpentry) and physicality (strength/fighting), or with destruction (robot arms anyone?) and time (the Chalice, his Wonderland sacrifices). He doesn’t seem to really lean into either one, though, so I guess that’s out. I think you’re probably onto something with Blood though. With Magnus’ unyielding friendship, loyalty, love, hospitality, and all that, it’s easy to see why even in a story ABOUT bonds, he stands out as a character defined by his bonds with others. Even his biggest sacrifice in Wonderland, giving up the memory of Governor Kalen, was severing a bond, albeit a vow of vengeance. I’d call Magnus an Heir of Blood, inspiring loyalty and friendship in others as he fights for justice and order. 

Lucretia - Lucretia is all over the Light/Void duality. She swings hard from Light in her youth (documenting information, uncovering truths) to deep, deep Void when she feeds her records to the voidfish (which, coincidentally, is a stunningly good example of what Void is/does in Homestuck–obfuscating/hiding/destroying information. In a word: secrets). It’s hard for me to decide which side of this coin reflects the “real” Lucretia, but if you subscribe to the “classpect inversion theory” (I do) then it could be argued that her dive into Void was an inversion of her true character–a lapse in judgment that righted itself when the truth (Light) was exposed and she reunited with her family. She scattered the IPRE to the winds, but Fortune brought them back to her regardless, a fact that saved her and the rest of the world. I’d call Lucretia a Rogue of Light, allocating and organizing information where it is needed (and she would have inverted at her lowest point into a Knight of Void, using secrets as a tool to achieve her goals). 

This post is already getting pretty long and I don’t feel like we know many other characters as deeply as these four–maybe Angus? he could be Mind or Light too I suppose–so I’m going to stop here for now. Lemme know what you think, though. I definitely see room for other classpects in every one of these characters (Rage could be almost as fitting as Void for Lucretia; Hope could be argued for Merle; Breath for Taako, etc)

#The Adventure Zone #ask #Anonymous #''quick question'' they said lol

[stars-in-a-jam-jar]

Hotel Valhalla Headcanons Pt. 2

Sometimes the Enherjar will put on plays

Magnus was goaded into trying out for the part of Elle Woods when they were doing Legally Blonde

He got understudy

Alex refuses to read Homestuck because quote ‘I can handle resurrection and whatever the hell Ecto-biology is, but I draw the line at time shenanigans and universe-hopping.’

Mallory makes fireworks

She once set them off during dinner

She also uses them as weapons in the daily arena battles on occasion

one time she blew up a lindworm

Mallory flinches at the sound of breaking bottles

Alex flinches at the sound of slamming doors

Tj flinches at the sound of screaming

Halfborn flinches at the sound of wood cracking or splintering

Do I really need to point out that Magnus flinches at the sound of wolves?

Sam does not flinch

Everyone on floor 19 ships Blitzstone

One time, Magnus had locked himself in his room and was crying so Tj got Alex who got Halfborn who got Mallory and Mallory walked up to the door and shouted ‘Chase, if you do not open up this door and let us comfort you, you are going to have a lot more to cry about when we’re done with you.’

Before Alex died, the crew was playing truth or dare or death and Mallory dared Magnus to kiss the cutest person in the room, to which he replied; ‘You do realize you could’ve just dared me to kiss Tj don’t you?’

Tj made this squeaking sound that Mallory and Halfborn will never let him live down.

Halfborn likes sliding down stair railings

One time he raced Alex and they both died.

Like, actually died.

They argued over who won for three days.

At some point, somehow, Alex meets Frank Zhang and they have a shapeshifter fight and when Frank turns into a dragon Alex calls a timeout because 'You can't go shapeshifting into non-midgard creatures' to which he replies 'Where in the rules is that?' 'It's just common sense!' 'So what you're saying is you can't turn into a dragon?' 'Well how do you turn into a dragon?' 'I just think about turning into a dragon.' '... How come I never thought of that?'

Alex turns into a pink and green lindworm and they resume fighting.

Will and Magnus are on standby in case Frank or Alex accidentally mortally wounds the other.

Nico comes by during this by appearing in the shadows behind Will and Magnus and looks at the back of their heads for a long time before coming out and saying ‘Okay, wh-’ He’s interrupted by Magnus’s startled girly scream, which then distracts Alext who gets promptly KO’d by Zhang.

Nico doesn’t even flinch and is just like ‘Why do you look like my boyfriend and, more importantly, why are you dead?’

Magnus really likes Owl City

His favorite song is Plant Life

Alex likes Panic! at the Disco

Her favorite song is (probably) Sarah Smiles

Thomas Jefferson Junior and Carter Cane are somehow distantly related, I will take this headcanon to my grave.

They’re both precious inspiring cinnamon rolls who need love and appreciation.

And Tj would also totally suck at basketball.

Plus, they both happen to be incredibly lanky bois.

That’s my evidence and I’m sticking to it.

Halfborn is actually a really good dancer???

Like, when they found this out, nobody knew what to do with this information.

Mallory made sure to record it.

Going to karaoke to the death once every two weeks is a tradition for floor 19.

The first time they all went as a group, Halfborn sang Should I Stay or Should I Go.

Mallory sang Bubblegum Bitch

Tj sang Respect

Alex sang I’ll Make a Man Out of You

Magnus sang You May Be Right and everyone thought he was gonna suck and everyone was WRONG.

Magnus has seen more Barbie movies than the entire floor combined.

Which means he has seen five.

Out of the exactly 31 Barbie movies as of 2017.

Tj and Halfborn started hating each-other when Tj stole one of Halfborn’s teddy bears a few weeks after he arrived.

Halfborn killed him in the hall and raided his room for the bear.

Tj had made it a little blue union jacket

It still has that little blue union jacket and Halfborn gave the bear to Tj for his birthday to help him feel better after his epic first brain freeze.

Speaking of Tj’s first brain freeze

Tj tried a milkshake for the first time on his birthday when the whole floor plus Sam, Blitz and Hearth went out for milkshakes on his birthday.

Everyone argued over what milkshake he should try first.

Magnus insisted on vanilla, but Alex said it should be mint chocolate chip and Mallory said chocolate. Halfborn kept shouting ‘Have you idiots never tried salted caramel?!’ and Sam was all ‘are you going to tell me that you think Tj’s first milkshake should be anything but cherry?’ while Bliz was like, ‘is nobody going to point out strawberry?’ and Hearth is just looking on in disbelief before sighing and ordering himself a double chocolate malt with whipped cream and peanuts.

When Hearth’s shake got there, he looked over to Tj and signed ‘I dare you to take a sip of my shake.’ and Tj took it from him immediately and downed half of it in one go.

He got a horrible brain freeze and everyone just stared at Hearth while the elf calmly sipped his shake.

Sam has planned out her wedding in detail.

She re-worked it a bit when she started getting attached to Magnus and Alex.

Pt 1 Pt 3

#magnus chase #alex fierro #thomas jefferson jr #mallory keen #samirah al abbas #halfborn gunderson #hotel valhalla #headcanon #long post #hearthstone mcga #blitzen mcga #frank zhang #will solace #nico di angelo #fierrochase #solangelo #magnus chase and the gods of asgard #mgca

[margoslxix]

OKAY so I was tagged by @autisticmob and I think these things are fun so here we go!

Rules: Choose any three fandoms (in any order), answer the questions and tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

So, obviously I gotta pick:

1. Homestuck

and 

2. New Albion

But I legitimately don’t know what third fandom to pick. I’m going to go with.......

3. Magic the Gathering

Because, I don’t know, I like it and I don’t get enough chances to talk about these characters.

First Character You Loved:

1. “First” is tricky, because I loved most of the characters pretty right away. I guess Calliope? Not that I hadn’t loved anyone before Act 6 or anything, I just remember liking her right away after meeting her, and also thinking she was my favorite character for a while.

2. Again, this is a hard one. Annabel is probably the obvious answer, but it’s true. I think she’s everyone’s first favorite, though. Her songs are just so good, plus she’s the first character you really get to know.

3. Hmmm. Liliana? I loved her aesthetic right away, for sure. I mean, be honest, how can you not at LEAST think she’s pretty goddamn cool.

The Character You Never Expected to Love So Much:

1. Caliborn, full stop (heheh). He’s my son and I would die for him. My very, very first initial impression of him was “god, what a douchebag.” But he’s MY douchebag now and tbh I relate to him a lot. He’s got a lot of problems, he’s definitely not an easy person to like. But I think he has so much narrative potential, and even most of his awful qualities (mostly the misogyny, let’s be honest) could honestly probably be dealt with if he was actually properly socialized. Which I’m still not 100% sure isn’t canonically possible. Too bad the comic’s mcfucking over.

2. Lloyd Allen. He definitely comes across as a dick, but he’s got a lot of hidden depth. He’s just such a good guy? Like, once you learn the lengths that he went to and the danger he put himself in, just for the chance to make his boyfriend happy again, I just... I can’t, I’m getting very emotional. I love Lloyd Allen, okay?

3. Gideon MOTHERFUCKING Jura. I hate Lawful Good, usually. I think it’s often just an excuse for characters to be stupid as hell, rigid, and incapable of understanding moral ambiguity. But honestly, Gideon is one of the best Lawful Good characters I’ve ever seen. He is legitimately heroic, and the fact that he’s not 100% rigid in his alignment, choosing Good over Law every time, is honestly cool. I just... he’s a character type and trope that I usually can’t stand, but done very well, and that’s impressive enough that I honestly love him.

The Character You Relate To Most:

1. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you already know it’s Caliborn. He’s stubborn, determined, unyielding... and I’ll admit, I’m much the same. I think I approach problems in a similar way to him, and get confused/annoyed by similar, arbitrary things. Also, he’s absolutely autistic, and I’ll fight anyone who says he isn’t. 

2. Uncle Raven, aka David Adams. I mean, there are a lot of things about him that I can’t relate to. A lot. Like being extremely attractive, for one thing. But he is Aesthetic Goals. He’s a sad carnival man, and I’m a sad man who loves carnivals. He also copes with loneliness and abandonment about as well as I do, which is to say, not very well at all. Also the whole, “sad businessman who lost his mind and gained superpowers” thing is somehow also relatable. Now where the fuck are my reality-bending powers?

3. Vraska, probably. Gods, I fucking love Vraska. If Gideon hadn’t been my answer for the last one, it would have been her. The Ixalan story really hit me hard, and I love her a lot. Just, she’s been through a lot of shit and it’s made her hard and cruel, but who she is around Jace, now, with her memories intact, just... aaa, fuck, I love Vraska. I really hope they beat up Nicol Bolas soon. Fuck that guy.

The Character You’d Slap:

1. Cronus, probably. He just needs to stop. Not stop anything in particular, just stop in general. And the thing is, I don’t even completely hate him. I just hate a lot of his bullshit. Hussie once called him “the worst character in Homestuck,” and honestly, I can see it.

2. Okay, yeah, the “correct” answer here is probably Edgar or Sarah. But I’m still gonna go with Connor. I just, I don’t know, I have this weird, irrational hatred for Connor. I find him incredibly irritating. Almost every problem he’s ever had has been his own damn fault, and it’s obnoxious hearing him cry about it. I mean, “Connor” is still a gorgeous song and all, but as a character, I just wanna tell him to suck it the hell up.

3. Nicol Bolas? I mean, he deserves way more than a slap. But it seems like he’s literally behind every bad thing that happens lately and he needs to knock it the fuck off. Amonkhet was particularly like.... DUDE, not cool. You can’t just turn an entire world into a zombie factory, what the FUCK is wrong with you? I hate this fucking dragon, and this is coming from a guy who loves dragons, and also villains.

 Three Favorite Characters (In Order of Preference):

1. Caliborn, Calliope, Dirk

2. Raven, Lloyd, Han Mi

3. Vraska, Jace, Chandra (this list subject to change at literally any time)

A Character You Liked At First, But Don’t Anymore:

1. Okay, so this is going to sound incredibly harsh, so let me preface it with, it’s not that I DON’T like him, it’s just that he annoys and vexes me, and I’m sick of seeing him, and ALSO that I used to like him more than I currently do. In FACT, I do sometimes have feelings about him that I would normally have mostly for characters I like more, so it’s not that I hate him, okay? But it’s Jake English. Fucking... he’s so goddamn stupid and self-absorbed. And yeah, I get that it wasn’t his fault. I get that he’s been through some serious shit that no one should have to go through. Yeah, okay, just like every other character in this comic. But like, come on dude. But it’s less about him, I think, and more about how the fandom treats him. He’s not just an accessory for Dirk, for one thing (and I’m sorry, you can NOT convince me that they get back together in the end, that’s stupid, they had literally no chemistry whatsoever). And anyway, I’ve ranted way, way longer than I need to. But I have to set the record straight. I don’t HATE Jake English, I just think he’s dumb as a bag of teeth and I’m sick of seeing his face.

2. I’m actually having a hard time thinking of anyone specific. The more I learn about most characters, the more I like them. Seriously, I’m trying to think of a character that I like even a little bit less than my first impression of them. Maybe Connor? But I wasn’t really super crazy about him from the beginning, so I feel like that doesn’t count. I guess I’m going to have to go with Tristan from A Pirate’s Tale (even though that doesn’t technically count as New Albion but FUCK IT, I’m counting it) because like, “Ride the Hemp” is my jam and an awesome song, but when you actually read the script, he’s just kind of a dick. So yeah, I guess that’s it.

3. Again, there’s no one in particular. I think both Liliana and Nissa fall under “I used to love them a lot, but now I’m feeling a bit more ambiguous about them”--Liliana because DAMN getting a look at how she’s treated Jace all this time from Vraska’s perspective was some SHIT, and Nissa because I don’t particularly approve of her leaving the Gatewatch after all that shit about realizing that Chandra was her friend and all. I don’t know. I don’t hate either of them. Heck, I don’t even dislike either of them. But that’s one thing that’s cool about the constantly shifting perspective in the Magic stories. I just know I’m going to see something from their perspectives that changes everything before too long. Hell, Dominaria is already giving me a lot of Liliana feels.

A Character You Did Not Like At First, But Do Now:

1. See, I actually kind of liked everyone in Homestuck right away. And I’m not even counting Caliborn here, because I never really disliked him, I just never expected him to be my favorite character. I guess maybe Eridan? It’s not even that I particularly like him that much now, I just don’t dislike him as strongly as I did at first. I’m not even sure why. I think that one fansong (”Ugly Story”) kind of increased my affection for him. But he’s still not even in my top 20, so I don’t know.

2. Rachael. I’m not going to lie, the first time I listened to The New Albion Guide to Analogue Consciousness, I thought she was obnoxious. I mean she did lowkey try to get herself killed while singing a big, dramatic song for the sole reason that this guy that she was convinced was her destined love match turned out to be gay. That’s some fuckshit, right there. But the more I listened and the more I thought about her... with all the shit she’s been through, it makes sense. And it’s not like her assumption was totally irrational. Plus, Connor told her that that was the case because Connor’s a fucking idiot. So I’m blaming him for this one. So yeah, Rachael’s actually pretty cool. Plus “The Show No One Saw” is a bop.

3. Hmmmmmmm, I don’t know. I’m honestly drawing a blank. Vraska, maybe? It’s not really that I didn’t like her, but I’ll admit, I kinda was late to the party with a lot of Magic stuff. So I was just like “Wait, isn’t she just that gorgon assassin from Ravnica?” but then Ixalan happened, and she’s my daughter now. So there’s that.

Three OTPs:

1. ....Do I even have to say it? Dirkborn is my real, true OTP. I’m utter trash for this ship. Their whole dynamic is so much fun, and honestly, these boys could be extremely good for each other. Plus, they actually have canon chemistry, so there’s that. Davekat is a real close second. It’s one I actually wasn’t 100% sold on when I first saw it, but now I can’t imagine the comic without it. I’m so happy that it’s canon. I guess third would be Roxy/Calliope, which is funny, since I really didn’t used to like that ship very much. But I’ve come around on it, it’s honestly adorable.

2. Lloydven (Lloyd/Raven) is the obvious one here. I mean, I feel like it’s lowkey the most common OTP in the fandom. But like, damn. I honestly almost cried reading The Ballad of Lloyd Allen. They’re just so in love. Second is probably Leedrian (Lee/Adrian), just because. Honestly, it’s not even that deep fam, I just think they’re cute and also I love Adrian in general. HelMi (Helen/Han Mi) is a very, very close third, if not second. Like if you cry every time. Seriously, just.... FUCK.

3. Vraska/Jace. They had BETTER get that fucking date on Ravnica! If they don’t I will scream! That’s the best ship Magic has right now, I’m sorry, that’s just how it is. Now, I will say, I’m at a bit of a loss here. I used to ship the Gatewatch as an OT5 (Gideon/Jace/Liliana/Chandra/Nissa) but I feel like that’s been complicated by a lot of other feelings I have about individual members, so I’m not sure I really ship it anymore, leaving me kind of adrift. Honestly, though? Saheeli/Huatli had better fucking sail, so I’m going to call that #2 for right now. Please let them make a robot dinosaur together! And Chandra/Nissa is still fucking quality, I don’t care what happens.

OKAY so now I have to tag people. Since KC didn’t bother tagging 10 I’m not gonna, either. Just, any mutual who wants to can take it. For the sake of actually tagging people though, let’s say.... @draconicmentalist @stokerbramwell @gearydigit @the-cheese-hive-mind @swiftyscreativitycorner @vadvivon @humanmosquito And tbh there’s a lot of other people I would want to tag but I don’t remember everyone’s URLs and tbh I’ve already spent enough time on this post so, PLEASE DO THIS IT’S FUN

#homestuck #new albion #magic the gathering #tag meme #long post

[ectoflowermaid]

Homestuck Camping Headcanons

John: Brought enough kites to populate a small country if the citizens were also kites. “John we’re in the middle of the fucking woods where are you going to fly a goddamn kite,” wrong question Karkat. John makes eye contact while holding a kite, floats up above the tree line, and flies his kite suck a dick everyone. Terezi tries flying one of the kites but seemingly does not know how. When John tries to show her she somehow manages to get him tangled up in the string and just starts cackling. She takes another kite from the pile and flies it perfectly. John is not pleased.

Dave: Spends the entire trip there composing raps and sick beats which is VERY ANNOYING to Karkat who is being carried five inches from Dave’s stupid rhyming mouth fuck you Dave. When they get there, it turns out mr cool kid is hella afraid of bugs, like “fuck oh fuck there’s a bug Karkat kill it please fuck oh my god someone please just kill it” levels of hate. “You know my species starts out as a bug” Karkat narrows his eyes. That is different, Dave tells him, your species can talk and have s- “eat shit, Dave.” Around the campfire, he tries to tell a scary story but it turns out the big plot twist at the end is just a character falling down some stairs and Dave saying “I warned you about stairs, bro” in a spooky voice. Roxy throws a marshmallow at his head from across the campfire.

Jade: Somehow manages to befriend every single forest creature she finds. She goes out for a walk and comes back with five squirrels, three bunnies, and a doe with her baby in tow. “Can we keep them?” She finds a nearby lake with a little waterfall and encourages everyone to go swimming, she cannonballs off the ledge obvi and a belly flop competition starts. Everyone’s belly hurts. This was a mistake. Oh god.

Rose: Finds a dark cave nearby and extends an invitation to explore it, Kanaya lights the way and Jake shows up in full on spelunking gear which ends up being pretty much useless as the cave dead ends after fifty feet. Rose is disappointed, she was hoping to find ancient cave drawings or the remains of a ritual sacrifice. Jake, who found some cool rocks and some kind of skull he might give to Dave, asks her why she seems let down. When she mumbles something about the blood of children he nods and walks a step behind her on the way back. At the campfire, Rose also tries to tell a scary story, she recounts the tale of Mothman. It is actually pretty spooky until she gets to the end and says that there probably was no Mothman and it was most likely a red sand hill crane that had wandered off its mighration course. Dave boos.

Kanaya: No one but Rose will share a tent with Kanaya (especially not Dave) because she likes to turn up her glow a little which attracts every. Single. Bug. She has an entourage of moths following her around and yes they do have names, Rose, they’re our children now you have to love them. Tries her hand at scary stories too, but it ends up just being about a troll who showed up to a white-tie occasion in a semi-formal outfit. Needless to say, the fear and outraged reaction was limited. She does end up scaring John, however. He heads around to the latrine only to see Kanaya hunched over a bag of pre-packed blood. “Uh, Kanaya? What are you doing?” She turns around with blood all over her mouth which she casually wipes away, Oh Hello John, I Did Not Hear You Coming, Is Something The Matter? The last part is said to his back as he sprints away screaming.

Karkat: Eats a bug in front of Dave just to freak him out a little, then Dave asks if it’s cannibalism and Karkat punches him in the arm. Tries to refuse swimming in the lake, but Dave jumps in and pretends to drown so Karkat freaks out and jumps in to try to rescue him. When Dave resurfaces laughing, Karkat pushes him back under and asks Dirk if this would count as a just death. Dirk says he better not risk it. While he’s asleep, Dave and John team up by squirting shaving cream on Karkat’s hand and tickling his face with a crow feather. This backfires because instead of rubbing his own face, Karkat starts swinging his arms out and manages to cover both Dave and John’s faces in shaving cream. He doesn’t notice and goes immediately back to sleep. Dave and John wash the shaving cream off and agree that this never happened, only Jane and Roxy Definitely Saw Them and also took a video.

Terezi: “accidentally” knocks one of John’s tent poles out with her cane while she’s walking, then accuses John of unfairly targeted a poor innocent blind girl. She and Vriska go to the river to try and catch fish for dinner, they end up getting in a competition to see who can catch the most fish. Everyone eats soup for dinner. Terezi and Vriska will not talk about what happened. Terezi gives scary stories a go, but it ends up being less scary and more like one of her roleplaying court scenarios. The only vaguely frightening thing is that at the end, she points up to the trees and everyone suddenly realizes that she hanged a bunch of her plushies sometime during the day and apparently no one noticed until now. She smiles wickedly and everyone feels slightly uneasy.

Jane: Spends part of the afternoon getting the soup ready in anticipation of a lack of fish. Realizes she forgot some of her spices at home and starts panicking until Jade takes her through the woods and helps her find some wild herbs that will taste almost the same. At one point, she goes to the bathroom and comes back with a small carapacian in handcuffs having apparently dodged another assassination attempt. She treats this very casually but enjoys being fussed over for a little bit. She tells a scary story that’s actually scary, no one realizes she’s teamed up with John in the Ultimate Prankster Duo. He is making the wind move through the trees very eerily, and right at the scariest part of the story he jumps out of the woods yelling. Everyone jumps out of their seats, some of the godtier kids accidentally fly up a good ten feet in the air they got so frightened. Jane and John high five and secretly salute Colonel Sassacre.

Jake: Jumps off the waterfall at least fifty times and has a blast doing it. Dirk is hesitant to go because he secretly is sort of afraid of heights after living in the post-apocalyptic high rises of Texas. Jake remedies this by picking him up bridal style and jumping off the ledge with him. Dirk does NOT scream or hold onto Jake for dear life because that would be uncool. Jake shows Jade some of the cool rocks he found and presents Dave with the cool skull he brought back. Dave is slightly in awe and develops a newfound respect for Jake, who promises to show him his Cool Skull collection when they get back home. Jake tells a story around the campfire that might have been intended to be scary, but ends up being more of an adventure tale, Indiana Jones style. Everyone listens intently and really enjoys it even though it’s not a ghost story.

Roxy: Can apparently climb trees like nobodies business? She had to help the carapacians in her old neighborhood get stuff out of them because they were always losing balls and cats and kites. She goes for a walk with Jade and Calliope while Jane is making dinner and they pick her a nice bouquet of wildflowers to give her when they get back. Around the campfire, she tries to tell a scary story but it ends up being about wizards and no one is surprised. Their tent is poppin’ and she and the ladies party it the fuck up all night and end up sleeping until noon the next day because they’re so exhausted.

Calliope: Loves being in nature so so so so much holy fuck. She’s lived underground and chained up her entire life that this is unbelievable. She’ll spend entire hours just staring up at the sky and pointing out cloud shapes to Jane and Roxy. She tries telling a scary story around the campfire, but it ends up being a tale about the importance of friendship and how love is the truest magic of all. There are a few tears in some of the kids eyes at the end of it.

Dirk: He and Jake go out to collect firewood and refuse to take more than one trip so they stagger back into camp with towering piles of branches and make a huge mess by dropping them everywhere. Instead of telling a ghost story, he and Dave have a rap battle over the fire which devolves into them just laughing and quoting SBAHJ until they can’t talk anymore. Karkat and Jake share a Look™ like, I can’t believe these are our fucking dorks. Dirk can name every single star, he knows the stars and constellations that transferred over from his Earth, and he knows the ones that migrated in from Alternia/Beforus. People begin to doubt him when he points out a constellation that he claims is shaped like a dick, most likely because he called it “Ursa Penis”. He spends the rest of the night trying to come up with a major/minor dick size joke but can’t think of a good one and sulks a little about it.

Sollux: Sets up everyone’s tent for them with his psiionics and goes on a walk with Karkat. They get very lost and argue the whole time about whether or not they are actually lost. John and Dave are flying above them and could theoretically help them get back to camp but they will not. Sollux thinks they’re going to die out in the woods and tries eating some roots and berries and mushrooms even though Karkat tells him that that’s the worst possible fucking idea he’s ever had in his life and yes he’s including the time Sollux suggested finding a way to combine troll and bee DNA to make the ultimate being. You mean ‘bee’-ing, Sollux says. No the fuck I do not, Karkat replies. The mushroom Sollux eats ends up giving him wackass hallucinations and Karkat definitely does not record any of the crazy bullshit Sollux starts saying.

#homestuck #homestuck headcanon #davekat #karkat vantas #dave strider #rose lalonde #kanaya maryam #kanrose #rosemary #jade harley #jake english #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #jane crocker #john egbert #johnrezi #johnroxy #terezi pyrope #vriska serket #vrisrezi #dirkjake #hs #my thoughts #sollux captor #solkat #johndave #kinda #as like bros #my writing

[replacewythy]

Totally Reprise Episode 96

"I should be on more, I like this show." "It's a good show, I think, anyway." "Yeah." "Eh." "Yeah, fair." "I'm holding myself back from making a super, like, obscure wrestling reference." "Thank you." "Okay." "Why? Like, what changed?" "I feel like buying the Homestuck book is like, extremely normie now." "But then I saw that it was a flag draped over another flag, which I think is a crime? But it's probably fine." "It seems like you have to burn one or both flags now." "No, it's fine, one is just topping the other." "Hey, what if the cartoon squirrel said fuck, and wanted sex." "We're only a month away from a hundred episodes of this shit." "I have not been on all of these, but you two have, and you're coming up on about 200 hours of talking about Totally Spies!" "That seems... fine and normal." "You two are the core of this, I'm just, I'm the moon, circling you." "But that's for cowards, and Clover ain't no fucking coward." "Mandy obviously has not had her memory erased, you know, today" "Do you really think GLADIS would do that shit? That's way beneath her." "There was definitely a point in this episode where I like, looked at Molly and like, this is why Jerry destroys her." "Like, imagine someone chewing like five sticks of gum with their mouth open, it's bad." "Yeah, they got that big league chew." "I mean, I guess LAMOS parked the sub on like the edge of the continental shelf." "GLADIS is a future reader, she probably made these nail files with, you know, three settings: couch, submarine, and rope." "I definitely did write during this episode, and thought it multiple times, uh, that Alex is moe." I mean that's pretty undeniable. "I love that Clover canonically sucks!" "It really just kind of makes you believe in yourself, right? Cause you can be like, man, Clover sucks and she's a spy? Maybe I can be something, too." "They all have their own Jimmy Neutron brain blasts of their own lives." "Pris, stop showing me cat videos while I'm recording." "Sam needed to know how to tie safe knots." "I would like to give my theory for why Alex and Clover did not take it," "Okay." "They never want to have like, even the possibility of untying a knot" "Oh I see, sure." "that they are tied in, because that would kind of ruin it a bit if they knew that they could get out" "I have a different theory for why they didn't take the class." "Cause they already knew. That's what I'm saying." "Well no, I just think they were busy, they were all tied up." "Hey, you wanna see a bad thing I couldn't stop looking at?" "No, but sure." "There were so many times during this episode where I thought Terrence was going to say, Jerrence!" "What if we added Jerrence to the Totally Spies wiki? Do you think anybody would challenge us?" "I think it would be challenged instantaneously, I think we would hit confirm, and by the time we refreshed the page it'd be reverted." "You think so? I don't know" "I'm doing it right now!" I'd put R. Daneel Olivaw in charge of the Illuminati, he's already got experience doing that kind of thing. "I said that, and immediately realized how dumb that sounded. Was hoping I would just be let off the hook." Are you new here or something? "You know, why do we have meatball subs? Why don't they just do that? Why don't they just make meatloaf and slice it thin?" Well great, this question is going to haunt me for the rest of my life now. damn, it must be hard to talk about the superbowl if you've been injected with a nanomachine culture "Ashley, I'm not going to like, skin a woman, to make a bracelet." VENUS EARTH AND SOME OTHER PLANETS "One, Jerrence is still up." "Two, I'm learning that Jerry does have a sister called Sherry, so let me just give you, Sherrence." I made this joke on twitter, but it was because the person who reverted the Jerrence edit was named Sharon? "I can't wait to meet Sherrence." That's my favorite Train song.

#totallyreprise #audioentropy #recapwythy

[ectoflowermaid]

Rainy Days Homestuck Headcanons

John: of course whips out every single goddamn one of his favorite movies who are y'all kidding!! The trolls haven’t seen them, he has to enlighten them. Karkat leaves the room the second John says, “hey guys! What if we-” because he knows what’s coming and he will not be here for it no sir. For reasons beyond any and all comprehension, Terezi becomes absolutely obsessed with the Ghostbusters. Whether she likes the way they handle “ghost justice” or she just likes licking the screen when the ghostly baddies show up, even John regrets showing them to her and everyone admits that it was a grave mistake.

Jade: on her island she used to like going out into the puddles and hunting for frogs. Um. She doesn’t want to do that anymore or possibly ever again. She still likes to take a rain slicker and some boots and go for walks in the rain tho, she’ll find a nice place to sit and be alone with her thoughts. Sometimes Jake will go with her and they’ll sit and listen to the wind in the trees and the roar of the rain together, but more often than not she makes the trek alone. Once Jane realizes this, Jade always comes home to a nice cup of hot cocoa waiting for her on the counter. She warms right up before even taking a sip because this, this is what having a family is supposed to feel like. Not some taxidermic guardian staring her down.

Dave: Uses the time to work on his sick beats which have, surprisingly for everyone but him, become extremely popular with the citizens of Earth C. They don’t know what the mysterious “Obama” creature is that the Knight of Time references so often, and conspiracy theories grow by the thousands. Was he an ancient deity? A fallen ally? A worthy foe? Entire websites are dedicated to putting the pieces together. Dave will also build blanket forts with Karkat in which they watch only the worst and cheesiest of romcoms, no one else is allowed in. Except the Mayor. Cuddles may or may not ensue.

Rose: knits way too many scarves in an attempt not to think about the rain because she is 1000% Done With Rain. She has zero good memories associated with this goddamn precipitation. It reminds her of her drunken mother and of the unfinished quest that still haunts her. To keep her mind off things, she spends rainy days obsessively poring over ancient tomes, writing drafts for “Complacency of the Learned”, and more often than she would care to admit, reading Roxy’s wizard fan fiction. It’s very good and she’s extremely proud. When the power goes out and Rose can no longer see the pages, Kanaya is always there, ready to light the room with her skin and her smile.

Kanaya: shares a similar aversion to frogs as Jade, but can’t help but be fascinated by the rain because she’s never seen it before. Rain on Alternia was extremely rare, even more so for her because she lived in a desert region. It takes her a very long time to get used to thunder, and the first time she heard it her chainsaw was out in record time and she was running around trying to figure out just what the fuck was happening. Once it had been explained to her by a patient, trying her best not to break down into hysterical laughter Rose, Kanaya felt pretty embarrassed but admitted that her reaction had been funny. She loves seeing lightning in the distance, and sometimes tries to light up at the same time.

Karkat: Dave and Roxy show him earth musicals and boy howdy does he fucking love musicals. He was very skeptical at first, but after being assured of romantic content succumbs to the intense peer pressure. Dave’s favorite is Hamilton because anything that can combine rap and history (aka dead things and presidents) is truly the highest form of art. He may or may not know every word to every rap. Karkat, however, latches on to Wicked and does. Not. Let. Go. He relates immensely to the off-color mutant human who stands up for what they believe in and faces incredible odds to become the best!! And she gets a love interest in the end! Karkat argues the entire time that Elphaba and Glinda had a million times more chemistry than Fiyerwho Gives A Fuck, but still cries every time at the end because he’s so happy that Elphaba is happy. Dave often catches him humming the soundtrack and teases him mercilessly for it, but is secretly glad that he helped Karkat find something he cares so much about.

Terezi: Thanks to John, now screams “WHO YA GONNA CALL” every time a ‘crime’ is committed and Justice™ needs to be served. John accuses her of debasing a classic, to which she responds by licking his face and telling him that nobody listens to losers who taste like blueberries. Likes to catch raindrops in her mouth and LOVES the sound of thunder, sounds like sweet, sweet music to her ears. Loves “watching” (smelling) the humans trip all over when the lights go out because cmon just smell your way through it! Trolls have night vision and do not trip, which Terezi finds massively disappointing.

Jane: Cooks the entire time. Raining out? Guess we’re having more cake, everyone! She tries a new flavor combination every time, so far the favorite is lemon cake with raspberry frosting, and the least favorite was carrot cake with mint frosting. Not a good time. She also likes to try out Alternian recipes for the challenge, not to mention because the troll kids are a little sick of human food. After a few months Jane manages to produce a close approximation of grubloaf and it was the happiest cry Karkat had since the time Dave told him they should probably date or something.

Jake: watches the storm through the window, sometimes goes and sits by the ocean to watch the wind stir up the waves. Something about growing up on the island makes Jake and Jade more in tune with the weather, they can feel it deep in their bones whenever a big storm is coming. It also gives them a strange sense of melancholy. Dirk tries to comfort him but there’s something ancient in Jake’s eyes whenever the clouds roll in. Sometimes it’s best when they sit quietly, watching the storm together.

Roxy: makes her own blanket fort suck a dick, Dave!! No boys allowed!! She and Callie built it using a combination of blankets that Rose has knitted for her and generic objects used as building blocks. No Dave, that’s not cheating, maybe if you could make building blocks out of your time powers you wouldn’t feel so inferior to us and our amazing blanket fort which is better than yours. Knows every word to every musical (she had a lot of spare time before the game) and Karkat vaguely idolizes her. Teach me your ways, oh great musical goddess. Watches movies with John and they weave in their own witty commentary, she helps slowly rebuild John’s faith in his shitty, shitty movies.

Callie: has lived underground her entire life and doesn’t know what rain is? Why is water falling from the sky I don’t understand? Also, still getting used to actually being able to see the sky. Finds thunderstorms therapeutic, she likes the constant thrum of the rain, the deep boom of thunder, and the sharp crackle of lightning in the distance. Her favorite place to be is snuggled up in blankets between Roxy, Jane, and Jade, all doing various things but it doesn’t matter because they’re together.

Dirk: will sometimes sit with Jake during his Rain Moods™, other times will watch Hamilton with Dave and they rap along to the entire thing. A lot of the time it will devolve into a rap battle and everyone chooses sides, bets pass along boonbucks like it’s the goddamn horse races up in here. There’s never a real actual set of guidelines that decide who the winner is, the only judge is the Mayor and he is a righteous and fair judge, Dirk and Dave both win equal amounts and no one (mostly) goes deep into debt. Dirk also likes to go running in the rain, he’s never had so much space to just *move* before, and rain was scarce down in post-apocalyptic Texas, so it’s like killing two birds with one stone.

Sollux: The static in the air from lightning messes with his psiionics and it makes for some sicknasty hijinks. Think of a balloon when there’s enough static, every time it thunders Sollux’s hair starts standing on end and if he’s too close to a wall he gets sucked in and stuck. The Great Storm Disaster ensued one day when Sollux decided to rub his feet along the carpet and shock the next person he saw which was, unfortunately, John. It was unfortunate because John, in an attempt to up his pranksters gambit, had a buzzer on his hand. No witness can accurately describe what happened on that horrible, horrible day, only that the blast of cheap buzzing, static electricity, and wackass psiionics threw Sollux and John in opposite directions where they got stuck to the walls and couldn’t move until the storm was over. It also singed John’s eyebrows off. Dave wouldn’t let it go for months.

#homestuck #god I'm just #hngnnfng #love making these I'm sorrye #hs #davekat #Dave strider #karkat vantas #rose lalonde #john egbert #jade harley #johnrezi #johnroxy #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #jake english #jane crocker #sollux captor #Kanaya Maryam #kanrose #rosemary #dirkjake #calliope #callieroxy #janeroxy #striders #strilondes #my thoughts #headcanon #Sburb