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andantexvii · 2 years

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// Promises // Pt. 1

Eddie Munson x Reader

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Word Count ~ 3,004

Summary ~ When a new girl in Hawkins strikes the younger members of Hellfire as one of Eddie’s ‘lost sheep’ types, he’s encouraged to reach out. She’s standoffish, for the most part, but Eddie manages to break the ice with a genuine admiration of her art. It’s a start, but by the time the bell rings, he’s thankful to have at least gotten a foot in the door...

Warnings ~ Profanity; bullying; Tolkien lore(?); use of she/her pronouns, though the main character’s details are kept to a minimum, only being plus-size is explicitly stated - so I hope it can still be enjoyed as a “reader” experience!

Author’s Notes ~ So, I’ve been messing around with this one for a while, and it really just started off as some private comfort drabbles for myself. I connected with Eddie’s character almost immediately, especially since I went through some similar experiences in school - up to and including some unflattering rumors. Some of the main character’s details, interests, and expressed sentiments may be specific, but all-in-all, I wanted to keep it a “reader” friendly experience for my fellow Eddie lovers. I'm disabled, so I can't promise a consistent posting schedule, only that they'll arrive as soon as I can finish them - that said, my addled brain can sometimes overlook some editing errors. If it's glaring, I don't mind being notified, but if it's passable, let it pass~

I did make a small time adjustment to be able to (time appropriately) include some themes and media I plan to reference in the future - so the year is 1987. Enjoy!

“Trees of Valinor” photo by Aronja-Art!

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It was a long-awaited Friday, one of the first of the new school year, and the cafeteria buzzed with electricity. Mostly due to the anticipation of some sports ball game, or another, but in a friendly corner, toward the end of a familiar table, a group of voices clamored amongst themselves, excitedly, blissfully ignoring the energy generated by the rest of the room.

"New semester, new campaign! C'mon, Eddie, man!" A scrawny sophomore groaned. "We've been doing nothing but one offs for weeks now!"

Sliding a pretzel between his lips, the head of the rattling table lifted an eyebrow with a coy smile.

"By failing to prepare, Wheeler, you're preparing to fail. S'not my fault if you've refused to see my, mmh, readiness exercises as anything more than mere placeholders." He chuckled with all the sinister theatrics he could muster, bringing a laugh to the table, and gasps from a cluster of girls seated nearby.

"My sincerest apologies." Eddie gave them a cordial half-bow from his seat, which garnered him only a few odd looks and an eye roll. ‘Can't win 'em all.’ Though he'd grown quite used to that, thinking nothing of it as he turned back to his flock. "...a-a-anyway, we'll see how that lack of preparedness serves you in your daunting trials ahead."

"Daunting trials, he says. This guy!" A heavy-set boy to Eddie's other side droned in a tone half in disbelief and half in delight.

It was Hellfire Friday, once again.

"Indeed, and I expect you, one and all, to come prepared. Each of my, ahem, 'one offs', came packaged with a lesson." He rolled his head toward Mike with a smarmy grin. "A clue, if you will, that will aid you in your arduous tasks. An' no repeats if you weren't paying attention, been writing that shit for weeks. Not my fault if you refuse to appreciate it."

"At least give us a hint, man!" Gareth pleaded over the rim of his soda can.

"'Fraid not, my little adventurers! All will be revealed in due time, now huddle up; got a few things to keep in mind, yeah?"

In his best commanding voice, Eddie began to ramble a bit, seemingly enjoying the sensation of spinning an intricate tale - or the sound of his own voice, it was hard to be certain sometimes. All heads leaned in, hanging on his every word, save the far-gazed Dustin at Mike's arm who continued to gaze, curiously, out the window.

He sipped chocolate milk through a straw, idly, as he sat pondering something in the courtyard. For a moment, he looked as though he might get up, but quickly sunk back down into his seat. He had seemingly gone ignorant to the hum of voices around him, until he was snapped out of his daze by a pretzel grazing the tip of his nose.

"Am I borin' you, Henderson?" Eddie asked, another pretzel between his fingers, ready to be flicked.

"N-No, it's just-" Dustin began, grabbing for a napkin.

"Then why, oh why, is my little sheepie looking so lost again?"

"Rude, dude." Gareth mumbled under his breath.

Dabbing at his chin, and a few spots on the table, Dustin looked to Eddie apologetically; nodding, reflexively, if only to keep peace at the table for the time being.

"S-Sorry man, I just… n-noticed something, that's all." He gestured toward the window he'd been staring out.

"Well, clearly it wasn't all the effort I've been puttin' in for you guys, eh?" Eddie eyed him for a moment as he got to his feet, turning on his heels toward the row of windows behind them; the smirk on his face betraying the fact he was hardly upset at all.

A few short strides, and Eddie pressed his nose flat to the window pane, dark eyes scanning the busy school yard for whatever could have pulled Dustin's attention away from the gory details of their impending campaign. For several long moments, he noticed nothing particularly out of the ordinary, just the regular passing of the odd group of students here and there.

"Not sure what's got you so utterly transfixed out here, Henderson." His voice was slightly muffled as he comedically kept his face pressed to the glass, gathering him more than a few strange looks.

"So, as I was saying-" Eddie began again as he started to turn around, stopping only when his gaze crossed with that of a group of wild jocks.

Rather, he noticed them as they continued to enjoy pretending he didn't exist, lest it suited them - all the better for him, really, when it came down to it. Though their utter unawareness of the twisted, mocking face he made at them against the window pane was, admittedly, a bit disappointing. Content that whatever had been interesting had passed, and his antics would go unnoticed, Eddie made to turn around once more, before spotting what must have surely been the point of Dustin's fixation. Maybe?

At the far side of the yard, a girl sat hunched intently over a broad sketch pad, utterly engrossed in her task. Her ample thighs giving support to the wide, thick paper as she rested her back against the warm bricks - an array of fine colored pencils sat upright in a pouch by her knee, along with several others spread out within easy reach.

"Whoops!" An unfamiliar voice bellowed overhead. The girl barely had a moment to look up, before catching sight of her pencils scattering across the pavement and grass, neatly punted by one of the boys as they passed.

"My bad!" Said another, purposefully skipping a step to ensure his heel came down hard on the few that remained at her side, splintering the wood, and crushing the soft cores to a useless dust.

Snickering to themselves, the group didn't even take a moment to break their passing stride as the girl, with more patience and grace than the situation deserved, placed her work aside to gather her belongings back, before more were carelessly ruined underfoot by students scurrying by.

"Should be more careful!" A cocky blonde at the head of the group called over his shoulder with a mock tone of concern.

Jason Carver. Eddie was unfortunately familiar with the popular, well-liked, golden boy. He could almost remember a time when the two of them might have been friends, or at least not so stereotypically the antithesis of one another, but that time had long passed. Though Jason rarely participated, actively, in the antagonistic antics of his peers, he was woefully slow, if not completely unwilling to stop it.

Eddie grimaced sympathetically as he watched the girl gingerly weave her hands between passing legs, trying her best not to get her fingers stepped on. Holding his tongue between his lips for a long while, his train of thought was broken only when Dustin's gently inquisitive voice beckoned to him.

"I mean, I'd just never seen her before. Out there, by herself, never talking to anyone, and it's been that way for days. Weeks? I don't know, I guess I was just thinkin', y'know… little lost sheep?" He grinned and shrugged, unsure if it was his place to make such a suggestion. Eddie spoke often of passing the mantle to his younger group members but, at present, seemed rather content to be in the position of decision making.

Turning back toward the table, his face stern, Eddie opened his metal lunchbox and swept anything he hadn't finished, inside and slammed it closed. Lacing his fingers he cracked his knuckles, and nodded to the group members in turn, wordlessly. He hadn't anticipated playing shepherd today, on this, the day his longest and most brutal campaign yet began, but when had anything expected ever really happened to him? He'd made it his duty to look after people like those he called friends, those like Dustin, Lucas, and Mike - and they were the ones for whom he strived to set an example.

Besides, Higgins couldn't keep him here forever. Right?

"Good lookin' out, Henderson." Eddie clapped an amiable hand on the boy's shoulder. "Hellfire's gonna need people like you, when the rest of us ascend to the great beyond, eh?"

"Like that'll ever happen." Gareth snorted at him.

"Never say never, big boy." Eddie pointed a finger under his nose, giving it a friendly flick before skipping a few steps away.

"I'll catch up with you all tonight, same time, same place. Come prepared." He tossed a wink in Mike's direction.

Eddie had never considered himself much of a hero; it was easier to play one behind an inch tall figurine. Better even yet, to devise the machinations that would drive little would-be heroes toward their goals. On paper anyway. Damsels usually found him a cause for their distress, or at least tended to cross the street or double check their car door locks when he passed by.

Yet there he stood, a few bold strides away as Dustin's Damsel gathered the last of her sullied supplies, looking rather helpless, knees down on the sidewalk. Yeah, that looked enough like distress… and there was a first time for everything. Usually.

From the corner of his eye, he spotted one of her pencils that had likely been scattered in the brief fray and stooped to pick it up. Letting it roll across his palm, he admired the deep red hue or "crimson lake" as the silver, inlaid label called it - he knew next to nothing about art and what supplied it, but it was clear these were no discount bin Crayola. ‘Crimson Lake’ he thought to himself, lost briefly in thought; almost worthy of being the name of a campaign landmark. Leaving his dungeon planning for tonight’s festivities he finally stepped toward the girl, who'd yet to get to her feet, and held the pencil down to her eye level with the most genuine smile he could muster.

"Missed one!" He tried to twirl it, smoothly, between his fingers like a baton and only succeeded in sending it clattering onto the concrete. Critical miss.

"Ugh." The girl cringed at the sound and snatched the scuffed pencil off the sidewalk, securing it before more damage could be done. "Thanks, I guess?"

“Oof, hey, that’s not usually how that trick goes, my bad.” Eddie grinned, trying to smooth over his moment of embarrassment, quickly looked for any distraction from his fumble, a segue back to his trademark charm. Scanning for any additional pencils she might have missed, his eyes instead fell on her sketchpad and he was immediately, unabashedly, drawn in.

“Oh, this, th-i-i-s here? This is sick!” Resisting the childlike urge to snatch the paper up for a better look - he figured her belongings had been mishandled enough for one day - he crouched over the drawing she'd been working on and rubbed his hands excitedly. He licked his lips, eyes scanning the page back and forth, taking in the level of detail she’d managed already, and even he could tell it was only half finished.

"Sweet! It's… it's the Trees of Valinor, right? Oh man, this is so wicked. A lady of culture and taste, I see, to suffer the Silmarillion." He mimed tipping a hat, cordially, in her direction before turning back to admire the piece once more.

The girl was quiet for a few long moments as she got to her feet and dusted herself off, hopeful to preserve any shred of dignity she had left. Eyeing the strange boy for a moment she was flattered at his admiration of her work, to be sure, though curious as to what had drawn him to it now.

"Yeah… yeah it is. You, um, you recognized it? Just like that?" She asked gently; her encounters thus far at Hawkins High, including today, had seemingly left her unsure of who could be easily talked to.

"Oh, hell yeah!" Eddie lit up again, with no small amount of enthusiasm.

He'd been a rabid fan of Tolkien since he could remember knowing how to read. Even if the text didn't always make sense to his young mind, he'd devoured them again and again, enamored by the high fantasy lore. He could probably quote them by page number at this point, but one step at a time.

"Look at that, Laurelin, there…" His fingers traced the curve of golden boughs on the paper, again, careful not to actually touch it. "...and Telperion. Oh man, how'd you get it to look like true silver like that? I know, I know the magician never reveals their secrets but, damn, this is bitchin'!"

She watched curiously as he pored over her drawing, like a frantic boy, never having seen someone so enamored with art derived from, what most would call, nerd literature. Nevermind being able to recognize it at first sight. It brought a tentative smile to her face for a moment, before she laid eyes on the remains of a pale gray pencil, now mostly splinters.

"Doesn’t matter how, guess it'll never be finished." She bent to pick up the pencil, surprised at how well it still clung together, even if it was entirely useless now.

"Huh?" Eddie broke his gaze with the drawing and glanced up; he was fairly sure whatever was in her hands used to be a pencil. "Ah, damn, ruined, huh? Those dudes are such pricks, let me tell ya', don't feel too special, they pull that kinda’ shit with everyone who doesn't fit their mold."

"I'll try not to let the royal treatment go to my head?" She raised an eyebrow, knowing he meant well, but it was difficult to see much good, given the circumstances. "Fuck, these are expensive. Ack, uh, excuse me."

"Far be it from me to judge the speech of a woman scorned." He raised both hands with an unapologetic grin, though behind it lay a bit of an empathetic gritting of his teeth. Something in her voice told him they wouldn’t easily be replaced - a feeling he knew well.

She sank in on herself for a moment, and he couldn't tell if she was simply embarrassed at the outburst, or if something else was eating at her entirely. He knew the cost to have and keep something important to you, and the fear of having it ruined or lost… so quite likely the latter.

"I'm Eddie, by the way." He scuffed the toe of his shoe against the awkward silence blooming between them.

"I know."

"You… know?" He tilted his head to one side and studied her profile as she set about packing her things. His uncle had always warned him overindulgence in the herb would stunt his brain, but he was certain he'd never spoken to this girl before today.

"We have chemistry together. Though, you tend to spend most of it asleep, yeah?"

"Ohh, yeah that's right after lunch! Full tummy, it's nap time for growing boys, you know?" He patted his belly, hoping to elicit a laugh - but understood her sustained silence, all things considered. "Those who know me, call me ‘The Freak’, those who love me call me The Dungeon Master."

She tilted her head in his direction with a slight eye roll and a smirk. It wasn't the laughter he had hoped for, but it was a start.

"I see, and which would you prefer I call you?" She studied him for a moment as she hoisted her bag onto one shoulder, just in time for the bell to ring.

"We-e-ell, that remains to be seen. Right now, I figure you're hovering pretty close to 'freak', but if you churn out sick pieces like that?" He gestured to her sketch pad again. "I'm hopin' we eventually land at Dungeon Master."

His infectious grin failed to rouse her, yet again, as she pointed to the bound drawing book just behind him.

"Mind handing me that?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, sure, here…" Tenderly, he wrapped his fingers around the edges of the paper and handed over her collection of masterpieces. Clicking his tongue as he watched her fold it closed and tuck it under her arm, wondering what other treats for the eye it held. "Eddie. Eddie is fine for now. We can work with that, yeah?"

"Right. Well, 'Eddie Is Fine', I've gotta' be off. We, uh, both do… I guess."

"Yeah, right, 'cause the bell… oh, wait, I had something for you. Red, red, your red." He patted his pockets a few times, remembering vividly picking up the pencil he'd used to break the ice between them. Ice that was rapidly reforming.

"You… you gave it to me already." She wiggled her fingers, teasing him about his prior, pencil twirling mishap.

"That I did!" He said with feigned, and utter confidence. "Just makin' sure you remembered, you know? Sweet shade of red, by the way. ‘Crimson Lake!’ Hey, so listen…"

He looked up to see she'd already turned and begun to walk away, and he hadn't even made his proper pitch yet. Not a man to take no for an answer, at least not the first or third time, he jogged boldly to her side, trying to stoke the embers of conversation again.

"So, listen, mind if I talk while we walk?" He grinned down at her as his presence parted the hallway crowd for them.

"I don't think you've stopped talking yet. You pour all your points into charisma? I'd say that investment isn't paying off."

"Whoa! Attack of opportunity, and she knows when to strike. I like it… so uh, you're new, and I've got this thing I'd be interested in you being interested in…"

Hopefully, he could get his spiel out before they reached the door; not that he was averse to talking through another boring lecture, of course. It’d be a refreshing change of pace for his typical nap period, anyway. Still, she at least seemed to be listening, so far, and utterly unashamed to be seen walking with him; he'd thank a lucky roll for that.

#eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #promises #promises fic #slow burn #fluff n stuff #honestly nervous as heck to be sharing my stuff again but here we go #yes I named it after the Megadeth song #I love it so much

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fangbangerghoul · 3 months

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What Did I Get Myself Into?

My Time at Sandrock Fem!Builder Ghoul x Owen Builder Ghoul finds herself wondering around town looking for more work and dealing with a bit of guilt from her last hangout with dreamy Owen. WC: 1094 (I allowed a little leeway for the last chapter) Chapter 3: Why Do You Eat So Much Jerky? (WDYESMJ?)

Chapter 3 of Ghoul and Owen shenanigans! The chapter is below the cut but as always feel free to give it a look and some attention with the Ao3 link in the title!

Soon I will make a My Time at Sandrock fic masterpost!

Chapter 3: WDYESMJ?

It had been a cruel week of crafting and building but what made the week so unusually dense was the heavy thoughts that loomed within Ghoul’s mind. She felt incredibly guilty when Owen and her ended their hang out for the day without doing anything truly fun or exciting. She remembered apologizing before he left for his saloon for the evening.

“If you’re trying to make people happy, then its not a waste of time. What I mean is, don’t worry, today wasn’t that bad.” He had meant to soothe her but she felt the opposite.

Most of her commissions were caught up for the day so Ghoul found herself aimlessly wandering around the town. Sometimes the Sandrockians would just run up to her with requests or in need of help and it would keep her busy. The sun hung just a tad low as the time moved forward and she could feel the heat of the day start to evaporate with the on coming evening. Ghoul’s feet slowly led her around the town, looking at Fang’s medicine table, hearing the mechanical noises that came out of Qi’s research center, and she even swore she saw Mi-an run circles around her in town as she leisurely walked.

She was passing by the Blue Moon Saloon and she found herself biting the bottom of her lip. Ghoul was at war with herself on whether she wanted to speak to Owen again but before she could convince herself to walk away from the saloon the doors swung open. There stood Owen casting a shadow that blocked the sun from Ghoul’s eyes. His broad shoulders and tall figure reminded her of the mountains that were covered in mist and fog on the horizon. It was as if his ears were ringing and he needed to see for himself why.

“Builder! There you are!” His enthusiastic nature was slightly soothing to the anxiety she felt that cramped her stomach. “I was just about to walk over to your shop to come ask you a question.”

“Oh, hello.” Ghoul dragged her left foot in the dirt back at forth, a slight distraction from the static that clouded her mind. It was nice to know that even if their time spent together was probably the worse, he still sought her company.

“Yes hello! Where are my manners?” Owen’s hands moved as he spoke and it made his already large build take up more space but she did not mind how close it brought him. “Are you hungry?”

She blinked a few times at the question. Ghoul always thought it was peculiar how often he offered her food. It made her look down at herself for a moment in wonder if perhaps she looked as if she was starving.

“I suppose.” She responded softly with hesitance. She didn’t want to be rude and there wasn’t a real reason to deny his offer. Owen smiled as wide as his face, excited at her response. He seemed to really like it when she told him some form of yes. He reached into his back pocket and a pink fabric fell from where he held it in his hand, displaying am apron fit to her size and on the middle of it a sewn in graphic of a black cat ears, a white nose, and some whiskers. Ghoul’s eyes widened in surprise from the grand display of the item.

“Good, I thought to give you a cooking lesson today.” He said with confidence and it sounded like he had been planning this for quite some time. “I’ve noticed the absurd amount of jerky you devour. So, I thought why does she eat so much jerky? Then I thought maybe you would enjoy to know how to make something more…. substantial. You are always out in the sun. You need something heavier on your stomach than jerky.”

He led the way this time around after Ghoul put on the apron that he had gifted her. She tried to explain that it was unnecessary because she was already in her workers uniform but he would have none of it. They made it to his renovated kitchen and there were already some things that were being cooked down. Ghoul was smacked with the deliciousness that filled the air. The counters and stove were cleaned waiting for them both along with a few ingredients that were set up on the kitchen island. She was in awe with how everything was so perfectly set up and she felt the familiar flush peek itself out on her cheeks.

“How does pasta sound?” Owen’s hand gestured at the ingredients and kitchen utensils that were on display. He was standing still but she swore there was a jitteriness to him that could have been from excitedness or nervousness. “I kept thinking about how much you enjoyed the last meal we shared so I thought, why not show her how to make it at home?”

“This is very…thoughtful of you.” She struggled to get the words out but it seemed what she said was taken well. Ghoul then nodded, adding a smile. “I think pasta sounds good.”

Owen immediately started to take the ingredients out and show her the measurements that he was putting into the bowl. He was combining both parts of the lesson and some old stories he liked to tell into it. Laughing and urging her to come closer so she could get her hands just as dirty. Ghoul followed his instructions to a tee and when it was time to roll out the pasta, he showed her one time then made her attempt it herself. Owen was stirring the cooked down tomatoes and watching her with an endearing smile. He was enjoying watching her as flour covered the front of her apron and the frustrated little faces she’d make when the rolling pin would slip. There was even a moment where when she was rolling it slipped and the force from her pushing didn’t stop and her face ended up in some of the flour. Ghoul let out a joyful laugh to Owen’s surprise and then he walked over to get behind her to aid her in the final set of pasta.

His arms were slightly above hers and his chest pressed into her back as he rolled the pasta with her, slow and steady. The small tutorial made the kitchen rise in heat by two more degrees for Ghoul and even though she knew her face was flushed she still smiled back into his blue eyes in joy.

#mtas owen #mtas builder #mtas fanfic #mtas #my time at sandrock #ghoul vibes only #ao3 writers #fang writes #fanfiction #builder x owen #fluff n stuff

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littlemisspascal · 9 months

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Looking at me like why you no write

#duffy the rescue pup #fluff n stuff

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redjaybird · 1 year

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What do you like about Rhys?

"Fuck me, I don't even know. Dude's like my opposite in every way. But somehow that squirmy, adorable, little shit pulled me in. Somehow, I actually believed the shit he was sayin'. He said he was always gonna be around."

#jayrhys #fluff n stuff #i just like this tag now

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l3viat8an · 7 months

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Imagine running upto Mammon and throwing your arms around him- tackle his ass!!!- and kiss both his cheeks, quickly, before you kiss his lips <3

His reaction is so cute!!!! His arms immediately wrapping around you, so you don’t fall. His eyes widen at the sudden action and he hesitates for a second before returning the kiss, his cheeks turn bright red as he blushes, trying and failing to compose himself a bit~

Then he’s pulling back just enough to breathe but your foreheads are still touching, "What was that for?! Or did ya just miss me that much, human?...”

“Just because, I love you!….and I missed you.” you smile and kiss his nose, “Damn…ya really know how to get me with all this lovey-dovey stuff…” and you just giggling before pressing your lips to his again <3

#feelin’ silly ‘n soft tonight <3 #also I have horrible Mammon brainrot :(#obey me!#obey me mammon x reader #obey me x reader #obey me fluff #obey me mammon #om! mammon #om! x reader #obmswd mammon #obmswd x reader #x reader #mammon x reader #obey me #om!#obmswd #roro writes #soft stuff <3 #mams <333

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vampiresbloodx · 22 days

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(a series or more of a au between you and librarian!Wanda. Legal age gap, mentions of smut, soft fluff, pinning, lots of pinning, I usually don't write any specific gender for reader ((same goes with physical appearance, but I will slip up sometimes and I apologise)) though sometimes I might mention their clothes, if it may be a skirt, pants etc. And if it's smut I'll always tag it.)

After older!Librarian!Wanda kisses you for the first time, she can't stop thinking about your lips.

How perfect they feel against hers, how she forgets about everything around her and only just focuses on you. She never really enjoyed the way her ex husband kissed her, it wasn't all that pleasant. He was a bit forced, quick, Wanda wanted more than that, even if you're going to work, a quick kiss can still mean something so much more. She was a romantic. She likes to paint the scenes in her head on an empty canvas of what she really wanted him to do at the time, but he wasn't that type of man. It saddened her.

Maybe he too was too caught up in the traditional ways. So was she. After kissing you though, all of that went away pretty quickly, she thought about you non stop, always having to touch you, whether that was a hand on your arm, shoulder, etc, pulling you close to her, she was always a touchy person, once you get to really know her.

She was obsessed with how your touch made her feel, the tingles she got, the sensation of merely just a brushing of the fingers when she passed you something, a book, a cup of tea or coffee, whatever it may be, set her heart off. She surely thought she was going to have a heart attack.

No man could ever make her feel the way you do.

It was truly something magical.

When you'd touch her back, giving her the same attention, knowing she'd want it but would be a bit shy at first to ask you, but it seems you'd know what she wants. It's like this non spoken communication between you two. It was special. She's never had that. Where someone just gets her, you haven't even known her for that long, but it felt like you both had known each other for years.

She understands what people meant by those special connections.

And she doesn't take any of it for granted.

Older!Librarian!Wanda is so precious and caring, loving towards you. She likes to bring you things she finds interesting that you might like, if that was a book or something else, she takes your interests very seriously too, even if she doesn't quite understand them as she grew up very differently. But she loves how excited you get whenever she asks you about it, it makes her happy, she also learns something new she didn't know. Which she likes. She does like to joke around with you, have that little banter as they like to call it, you've even taught her some newer things that may be trendy or help her understand it more. It's nice. Because she'll do the same for you.

After she learns what fidget toys are and whatever helps distract you, keeps you focused, whatever it may be you'll have plenty of it. If you forget a specific fidget toy while you're both out, Wanda has the exact same one in her bag, anything you need she has it. Since she knows you get stressed a lot, especially when there's a lot of people, it can get a bit too much, she gets it sometimes, how overwhelming it is, people being in your face and in your personal space, but when you feel her hand squeeze yours, you feel much more relaxed knowing she's there by your side.

#Liberian!wanda #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda x you #wanda x y/n #wanda maximoff fluff #stuff i wrote

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bluebeary-jay · 1 year

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How easy you are to need

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel notices that the peaceful life in Jackson has its consequences. he is not happy about it (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: TONS OF ANGST, but also FLUFF, established relationship, ahh intrusive thoughts (how much i hate them), Joel is probably ooc but i don't care anymore, also he's soft and insecure and vulnerable

Warnings: body dismorphia and lots of self-loathing on Joel's side, at one (two?) points borderline on smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hihihi, swearing, drinking (just mentioned), suggestive stuff bc apparently i can't help myself 😌

Word count: 8K ! (8028 specifically woah)

A/N: the next fic will definitely be shorter bc i really need to start caring less about the quality of my work, it takes way too long for my liking. buuut anyway as always 🎶i hope yall will like it🎶 this is my birthday gift for you guys 💕

Joel looked at himself in the mirror with furrowed brows.

He pulled in his stomach and tried to zip his pants. It still fit, but barely. He undid the zip, turned to the side and looked at his reflection again, just to make sure.

Yeah. This pair was definitely loose until a while ago.

He glanced at the door, but didn’t hear you coming, so he sighed and looked in the mirror again. Joel was never particularly muscular, but he could no longer see those thin lines which accentuated his torso before. There was also a bit of fat above the hem of his jeans, and his frame seemed somehow heavier…

Good thing his left ear was directed to the door, because he heard the moment the water in the shower stopped running, which meant you were coming back from the bathroom. Joel spared himself one last wary look and zipped up his pants before turning around to your shared bed where his shirt lay discarded.

He was putting his arms into the sleeves when you entered. A couple of light steps, and then Joel smiled when he felt your arms wrapping around his torso. He glanced over his shoulder at you.

“You took your sweet time in the shower,” he pointed out, and he could feel your smile when you pressed your face to his back.

“We finally have hot water, so I’m gonna use it every chance I get.”

“You left some for me?”

You huffed a laugh and went around him, moving his hands away and starting to button his shirt yourself.

“There would be, if you took a shower with me.”

“Next time, sweetheart,” he chuckled and leaned in to kiss your forehead softly, combing his fingers through your wet hair. He hummed. “Your hair smells nice.”

“It’s that shampoo Ellie didn’t want.” You shook your head with a smile. “I have no idea why, it’s fantastic.”

You buttoned up the last button and smoothed your palms over his chest and down, lastly resting them on his waist. Internally Joel furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if he could always feel this fold when you put your hands in that place.

“You look handsome,” you whispered, looking up at him with twinkling eyes and such a soft, love-struck expression on your face that Joel felt his throat constricting. Everything but the sight of you faded from his mind, and he joined his hands behind your back, pulling you closer into his chest and basking in this precious smile you blessed him with. “Especially with the bed hair.”

“It’s your doin’, you know,” he murmured in response, nudging your nose with his and reminiscing how you tugged and raked your nails through his hair the night before. “You gotta be careful with it, sweet girl. If you continue doin’ it, m’gonna go bald soon.”

You hummed noncommittally and leaned against his chest, standing on your tip-toes. “I’ll take it under consideration. No promises, though.”

Joel lifted his hand to the back of your neck and kissed you slowly, reveling in the soft sigh that left your lips. You rested your palm above his heart, leaning forward to the point that you would fall over if he wasn’t supporting your weight.

But Joel held you tight and close to his body, gladly steadying you as you deepened the kiss, once again tugging on his graying hair in that way he adored. He wanted to tease you about it, but his thoughts strayed to the image of his body again when you lowered your hand from his chest to his side.

“You remember that tonight is this party?” you asked suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Joel gave up pondering about his physique and sighed heavily at your question, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Yeah, I remember. Regrettably.”

“I don’t want to go, either,” you whispered with guilt, as if someone would hear you both. “But Tommy really wanted us to come and… Just don’t make me go alone.”

“Hey, darlin’.” Joel took your face in his hands and looked deeply into your eyes. “I promised, didn’t I? M’not gonna leave you there on your own.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against them. “And mind you, I gotta make sure no one will try to seduce and steal you away from me.”

You giggled, and you were standing so close that Joel could feel your eyelashes tickling his skin. He held you close when you tried to take a step back, and your lips collided again.

“That is the one thing you don’t need to ever worry about,” you murmured quietly into the space between you two. “How could I even look at other people when I have you all to myself?”

Joel’s reflection in the mirror flashed across his mind again and a small wave of uncertainty rippled through him, but it quickly disappeared when you opened your eyes and looked at him with this raw love radiating from them. Your every word, every affectionate gesture only confirmed his conviction that you meant every word you said.

So why did he still feel so uncertain?

*****

Life in Jackson was perfect. Considering the state of the world right now, living here was like winning a lottery.

Joel had a lot to be thankful for, he was well aware of that. No longer had he any fears or sense of guilt about going to sleep and leaving you and Ellie defenseless if something were to happen. He didn’t have to count rations anymore, worrying that the kid would be forced to march all day hungry. There was now no need to keep a watchful eye for new clothes if someone’s worn off, ripped or got soaked from walking in the rain, posing a threat of you or Ellie catching a cold.

Back in Boston it wasn’t much different, though he and you had at least a bed to sleep in, as uncomfortable as it was. But there was never enough food for all those people Fedra kept there, and the winters were cold as hell, leaving at least one of you a bit sick every year.

None of those things were keeping him awake at night anymore. The only people he had to take care of – you and Ellie – were safe and comfortable. None of you had to starve or freeze, and you all didn’t have to continue walking across the country for days and days without end, struggling to survive.

Maybe that was the problem.

Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew that those luxuries he had an access to now were at the root of his problem. Before you all settled in Jackson, you were constantly on the move, fighting for your lives in one way or another, so of course he was… leaner and more fit back then. It was never something he paid attention to, though, never something he concerned himself with.

But now you three were living here, surrounded by more people than Joel could count, and he couldn’t help but… notice things about them.

Especially about all those men and women who looked at you in a different way.

Due to the nature of the party Tommy invited them to – mainly consisting of dancing and talking in the biggest bar in Jackson – Joel had a lot of time to ponder about his situation, all while nursing his drink and looking at you from across the room with his elbows resting on the table.

You were chatting with one of your friends near the counter, laughing and smiling so beautifully. No matter where Joel’s eyes strayed, they always came back to your person, as if you were the moon against the pitch black sky, reflecting some imperceptible light.

Some guy he knew by sight – Chuck? Bart? – walked up and tapped you on the shoulder, and from what Joel could tell, he was offering you a drink. He was standing way too close, though, and you took a step closer to your friend, shaking your head. Chuck – or Bart – persisted for another half a minute, but eventually shrugged and shuffled off, his movements tense.

Joel didn’t move. He knew from experience that you’d let him know if you needed his help.

As if sensing his gaze, you turned your head and sent him a radiant smile. He mirrored it, lifting his glass slightly like he was toasting you, which made you do the same before resuming the conversation with your friend.

His smile disappeared as soon as you stopped looking at him. Joel sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, feeling a headache coming from the dull lights and loud chatter all around.

It were moments like this when it hit him just how old he was compared to you.

You were a sweet, young thing. Funny, sharp, drop-dead gorgeous… No wonder some people were seeking your attention. That guy was just one of the half a dozen he saw or heard about since you moved to Jackson.

Joel knew you were a loyal sort – God, he knew that, he knew you for so long now – but every time he saw you talking to someone else, his treacherous mind started to wonder if he wasn’t somehow keeping you chained to his person.

It was probably alcohol talking, but Lord, if he wasn’t reminded of how old he was compared to you every time he saw you next to your peers. You still had so much life ahead of you, and he was pushing sixty, for fuck’s sake. Before long he’ll be old and decrepit, unable to bring something useful to the table or help you in any way, and you’d still be as pretty as ever, trapped in a relationship with an old man.

For example, that guy – Chuck, or whomever – was way closer to your age, had handsome features, and Joel knew for a fact he was working at tree felling, so he had to be muscular, too.

Joel was once, too. Once.

He subtly ran his hand across his stomach under the jacket, his brows furrowed, and leaned back on the bench to get rid of those damned fat folds.

He sighed and downed the rest of the liquor in his glass, trying very hard not to think about it, not to put himself down like that and let those cruel thoughts fester in his mind, but no matter what, he couldn’t stop comparing himself to this guy, and also… how you looked next to him.

Shit. What if he was doing you more harm than good by continuing to stay with you?

“I could pickpocket you and you wouldn’t notice.”

Joel looked up, abruptly pulled out of his thoughts. You were standing over his table with your head tilted and still that beaming smile on your face.

“What are you thinking about, handsome?”

He opened his mouth, glanced in the direction of the bar, and closed it. There was no sign of any of the people you just talked with.

“Nothin’,” he replied, maybe a little too dryly, so he quickly changed the subject. “You havin’ fun?”

“Yeah, it’s nicer than I thought.” You looked around and then spotted the empty glass on the table in front of him. “Do you want me to bring you another one?”

“No, there’s no need,” he grumbled, but you had already put your drink down and sent him a wink.

“I'll be right back, baby.”

Joel hissed your name but you just looked over your shoulder with a smirk, swinging your hips provocatively to the music and ignoring him completely. He sighed heavily, slumping in his seat.

He needed to get his shit together. Fuck his insecurities, he didn’t want to take his frustration out on you when you were nothing but a ray of sunshine in his life, always so good and affectionate.

Joel’s thoughts came to a sudden stop when he searched for you in the crowd and noticed another man, this time one he didn’t know, swinging his arm over your shoulders while you waited at the bar. He tried to read your body language from here, but you didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable with the man’s actions. Joel furrowed his brows, a pit of uncertainty forming in his stomach again... but then you threw the man’s heavy limb off your shoulders and went back to Joel’s table as soon as you got the drink.

“Thanks, darlin’,” he murmured, taking a large gulp despite telling himself earlier that he was done drinking for today. “Were you okay back there?” He pointed his chin towards the bar.

You sat down next to him and smiled innocently. “Whatever do you mean?”

Joel knew you long enough to recognize when you were teasing him, and he smirked despite the doubts swirling in his mind.

“Was that guy givin’ you any trouble?” he asked lazily, deciding to play along.

“Would you beat the shit out of him if I said yes?” you asked with your eyebrows raised, and Joel shrugged, acting nonchalant.

“Probably.”

You giggled and bumped his shoulder with yours playfully.

“Then no. Peter’s a good guy. Just a little,” you seemed to be looking for the right word, “uhm, persistent.” When Joel sent you a dubious look, you rolled your eyes and made a face. “He’s politely hitting on me, but doesn’t get that I’m not interested. He works at the same place I do.”

“If he keeps makin’ you uncomfortable, that’s not very polite.” You squinted at him and Joel lifted his hands in fake surrender. “M’not sayin’ anythin’. You can take care of yourself, I know that.”

You hummed melodically and glanced at the bar, then back at Joel. Then back at the bar again where that Peter guy stood. Joel noticed you biting the inside of your cheek, so he gently nudged your knee with his.

“What’s on your mind, sweet girl?”

“Maybe you could help me make it clear that I’m taken?” you blurted out quickly, making him crack a smile and chuckle under his breath.

It was so very easy to forget about all the problems in the world when you were there, sitting right next to him and warming his soul and body with your mere presence.

“Come ‘ere,” he breathed and tugged you gently to sit on his lap. You faltered, but he gave your hand another light tug, and finally you let him guide you, putting one arm around his shoulders and making yourself comfortable.

Joel’s hand mindlessly went to rest on your thigh and he rubbed it comfortingly. That Peter guy, as he noted with satisfaction, was staring right back at you, eyeing the way your body was pressed flush against Joel’s with a twisted face.

Once the eyes of the both men met, Joel leaned in and kissed your neck, keeping eye contact the entire time. Peter turned away, taking a large swig from his glass.

Joel felt your muscles relaxing, and you giggled adorably next to his ear at his antics, hiding your neck between your shoulders when he nibbled at your skin lightly. Then your hand covered his, the one lying on your thigh, and stroked his skin lovingly.

Maybe Joel was keeping you chained somehow. Then again, he was but a selfish creature after all. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to ever truly let you go.

*****

The next few days – which then turned into weeks – Joel spent wondering. Mostly about what to do with his predicaments.

He had a couple of them.

The first problem was the nights. They became more difficult since he noticed… details about himself that weren’t there before, and which bothered him more and more with each day.

Joel used to love the nightfall, especially since you all settled in Jackson. In those evening hours no one bothered him, he could finally relax, spend some time alone with you, and later collapse on the bed to get a good-night sleep.

Well, not anymore.

The bedtime unexpectedly became the most stressful one for him. He was so fucking mad at himself, because laying down and having a chance to hold you in his arms was something he treasured for the longest time, but now his own insecurities stood in a way of it.

You loved cuddling and being close to him in your sleep, and Joel was never bothered by it – hell, he initiated those moments more often than not. But now he started noticing more and more how this layer of fat on his stomach moved and looked like when you draped your arm around him or snuggled closer to his chest, and it became all he could think about.

It bothered Joel so much that he started wearing a t-shirt to bed, even though he hated it with all his passion. When you asked about it, he lied that he’s cold, but in reality he was always sweaty by morning. It didn’t seem to make any difference to you, though, and you didn’t shy away from pressing your body close to his, and even slipping your hands under his shirt when you were spooning him. Some days Joel was waking up with you lying on his chest or having your arm slung across his belly, and every time it caused a lump in his throat.

He knew you didn’t mean anything bad by it – for God’s sake, you probably didn’t even have any idea that he had a problem with himself – but what once was a wonderful start of the day, now became a bitter reminder of all those things he was insecure about.

Recently he built a habit of waking up before you – he did it often before, but he always stayed in bed and waited for you to open your eyes, too – and carefully disentangling himself from your embrace. It wasn’t like it didn’t feel wonderful to be enveloped by you in this way, but once he stirred awake, lying still was a herculean task. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, his skin was itching and buzzing, he was sweating from nerves and a lot of horrible, self-depriving thoughts were flooding his mind.

So once he woke up, he’d go take a shower, trying to be a little bit louder than necessary in hopes that you’d already be awake when he gets back – so that he wouldn’t feel so guilty about not laying back down next to you.

The second of his problems was that you began to watch him more closely.

He didn’t know when it started happening, but in hindsight he realized it was just a matter of time – he was acting weird, after all, and you knew him too well not to notice anything.

A couple of times in the last few days only, Joel caught you staring at him in silence. Your eyes were solemn and your forehead sad, though you were quick to smile and act like nothing was amiss as soon as he turned your way.

You must have known something was wrong, but Joel didn’t ask about it. Honestly, with all that was happening in his own head, he didn’t want to know.

But at the same time it was as if nothing odd was happening. You were your usual self, a blessing in Joel’s life, and you still sought to be close to him and spend as much time together as possible. You still told him you loved him, surprised him with unexpected gestures of affection…

Just like today – you hugged him from behind while he was dressing up, started kissing his shoulders so tenderly and murmuring sweet nothings into his skin… In those moments Joel could almost forget about everything that was nagging him. It was easy to believe that you still liked the way he looked, that he was deserving of you, when you treated him with nothing but overwhelming love.

But the itch in the back of his mind never really disappeared. Even though he wanted it to.

Those thoughts filled his mind while you were sitting on his lap, telling him some story from work in a soft voice. You two were at Tommy’s, waiting for him to get back from helping his wife with something, and the day was so beautiful that you all went out onto the patio in front of the house to enjoy the unusually warm weather for this time of the year.

Joel’s hand was on your thigh, stroking it absentmindedly, while he nodded to whatever you were saying, but for the life of him, he could not focus.

Has your physique changed as well? Joel didn’t care about those things, of course, and in his eyes you were as breathtaking as ever – maybe even more, since so many of your worries disappeared and he got to see your smile more often. And you still felt perfect under his hands when he was holding you at night, still looked like a goddess every time he got to admire your naked body.

But even though he wouldn’t have cared either way if you gained some weight or looked any different, his body still bothered him.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and Joel fixed his attention to the wind-blown tree crowns in the distance.

Maybe he should start exercising.

Joel never liked the idea of waking up early and running down the streets in a sweat-soaked t-shirt, or going to the gym where everyone seems to stare and judge you, but it was never necessary.

With how much traveling, heavy-lifting and working he had to do, he never concerned himself with the way he looked. Hell, these things are the last on your mind when you’re fighting for your life in this god-forsaken world. But here, in Jackson, it was different. Life was good, and you were happy. And as stupid as it sounded for him, Joel wanted to look good for you.

Maybe he should ask Maria to assign him to extra patrols. He already volunteered for the morning ones, but perhaps…

“You’re quiet.”

Joel didn’t realize you stopped telling your story. He pressed his lips together and his hand on your thigh stilled.

“Sorry.”

“No need for that,” you reassured him quickly. Then you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head gently. “I don’t mean ‘now’, though, I mean… lately, in general.” Your eyes were flickering across his face, like you were hoping to read the answer from his features. “Is there something you wanna talk about?”

No. Hell no. It was bad enough that Joel himself was aware of his issue, he didn’t want to make it even more noticeable by pointing it out to you.

Which reminded him – he moved his torso away from you only a few millimeters.

“No, babygirl,” he answered. He brushed some hair behind your ear, smiling softly even though inside he despised himself for lying to you. “Everythin’s fine.”

You didn’t seem convinced and still were studying his face with concern. Joel resumed petting your thigh, wanting to put you at ease. He could worry about himself, but he didn’t need to concern you with his problems, too.

“I promise,” he added. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

That look in your eyes didn’t disappear, but you hummed and dropped your hands. It didn’t take a genius to know you didn’t believe him.

“If you say so,” you answered at last, and then covered his hand on your leg with your own. “But remember you can talk to me whenever you want. About anything.”

Jesus, your kindness was only confirming his concerns if he was the right person for you. Joel shook his head with a crooked smile.

“You’re gettin’ sappy.”

“It’s because I’m worried,” you shot back without skipping a beat, swatting at his chest with the back of your hand. “And you’re not making it any easier.”

“There’s nothin’ for you to worry about,” he repeated, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. But he failed.

You pressed your lips together and then made a move to get up from his lap without a word. Joel held onto you delicately, not letting you stand up.

“Wait, darlin’,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. “Didn’t mean to say it that way. I just… feel tired. Sorry.”

Your eyes softened when you took in the regret and weariness on his face. Joel felt your fingertips on his jaw, but before you could question him further, Tommy returned from the inside of the house with a grin.

“Age is a heavy burden, eh, ol’ dog?” he teased, apparently having heard the last bit of their conversation. The younger Miller placed three bottles of beer on the table, and winked at you. “That’s just how it is for us now. Enjoy your youth while you still can, punk.”

Joel felt a sharp jab in his ribs, not unlike being stabbed. He couldn’t find it in himself to look at his brother, less alone laugh at his teasing.

Of course Tommy didn’t mean anything bad by it, but his words were just a bitter reminder of the ever-present pit of Joel’s stomach.

The weight of you on his lap suddenly felt a lot lighter, and he himself felt so, so very heavy and tired.

Old.

Joel could feel your eyes boring into his face, but a second later you turned to Tommy, taking the burden of filling the uncomfortable silence.

“It’s already started for me. Sometimes I feel like my bones want to kill me prematurely.”

“M’sure Joel won’t let that happen. He’d fight your skeleton if you said it’s botherin’ you.”

You snorted and shook your head, but your smile faltered when you turned to Joel again. He almost broke down right then and there from the guilt and tightness in his chest.

And the dark feeling inside him just grew when your eyes stayed sad and concerned for the rest of the day.

*****

It had to end.

Joel could no longer pretend everything was alright like he wasn’t dying on the inside every time you did as much as hold his hand. He felt horrible about lying, avoiding spending time together and denying you affection he knew you so loved receiving.

If he was being honest with himself, he wanted this affection, too. Undisturbed with self-doubts and guilt.

He fucking craved it.

Those last few weeks, his evenings were mostly spent away from you and the warmth of your shared home. The nights, on the other hand, when he would sneak in and quietly lay down next to you (but just a little further away), became full of intrusive thoughts and wallowing in self-loathing.

No matter what excuse he came up with, you were persistent in holding and being close to him during the night, and Joel discovered that the only way to prevent you from doing it was to come to bed after you’ve already fallen asleep.

But it was a damn torture.

The worst part was when he was coming home to the sight of you lying amongst the tangled sheets and blankets in his bed. No matter if you were drooling or a pillow has imprinted itself on your cheek, every time this sight made Joel weak in the knees. You looked like a gorgeous, priceless painting, and it pained him to disrupt your rest with his arrival.

He tried to volunteer for evening patrols, because then he’d have a real reason to come home late, but not only Maria didn’t want to pair him with anyone during those hours – she also suspended him from all patrols whatsoever. Joel was understandably furious, but the damn woman threatened to tell Tommy about it if he kept being ‘a stubborn pain in her ass’. She sent him back home, murmuring something about spending more time with you, which he tried to pretend he hadn’t heard.

Joel sighed, sitting up on the edge of the bed and hiding his face in his hand.

If Maria of all people could see that there were some problems in your and Joel’s relationship, then you had to notice, too.

Christ, he was the worst.

Joel didn’t want to push you away, of course not. He wanted to stay with you more than anything, but that desire did nothing to diminish the guilt suffocating him. For some time, he felt like the luckiest man alive, having the privilege to call you his and every day come home to you. But now with all those little things he started to notice, he felt like a fraud.

It wasn’t even about him not deserving you anymore – it was that you didn’t deserve this fucking treatment he was giving you these past few weeks.

Fuck, he had to tell you the truth. About the patrols, sneaking out, distancing himself, all of it. He couldn’t bear lying to you a day longer.

Joel stood up and pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head. He wrinkled his nose at the smell and patted himself under his armpits and on the back, then reached for a clean one.

He’ll figure it out. He just needed some time to come up with a way to–

“Morning, handsome.”

Joel flinched and turned around quickly, not having realized you were awake, but whatever excuse he had in mind, it fell dead on his lips.

You stretched with a groan, reaching one arm high above your head and rubbing your eyes with the other hand. A sleepy smile danced on your lips when you looked back at him with sparkles in your slightly puffy eyes, and Joel didn’t have any other word to describe you than ‘ethereal’.

“What are you doing?” you asked groggily, relaxing against the pillow and looking him up and down.

“Uhmm…” he hesitated, clutching the t-shirt that was in need of washing close to his chest. His gaze was drawn to the window. “Goin’ out, actually. I’ve got some work…”

“No, you don’t,” you interrupted him and swung off the covers from his side of the bed. “Get back here.”

Joel looked at you with surprise.

“What?”

“You heard me, Miller. Get your ass back on the bed.”

He crumpled the shirt in his hands, hesitating, but his eyes softened as soon as he looked back at you and your raised eyebrows – like you were challenging him to just try and refuse you.

But how could he, when you looked so pretty lying in his bed and demanding to have him close to you? How could he ever deny you anything?

With a defeated sigh, Joel started putting the t-shirt back on, but the sound of you humming in protest stopped him. Your face was grumpy when he glanced up.

“Nah. No shirt.” You extended your hand in his direction, making a grabbing motion. “Come here.”

Joel didn’t move. “Why?”

You rolled your eyes and dramatically flopped down onto the pillows, looking up at him with an adorable pout.

“Because it’s been a long time since I got a chance to admire my handsome, sexy man,” you answered with sincerity, and then grinned. “Now come here. If you ditch your shirt, I’ll consider ditching mine.”

He still didn’t move. You were patient, but when it became clear that he wasn’t going to do anything, you sent him a small, sweet smile. “If you get cold again, I promise to do something about it, love.”

Joel physically felt his heart softening at your words and at the sight of you.

With a silent sigh – and only a split second of hesitation – he took off the t-shirt and quickly laid down on his back next to you. He felt a bile rise in his throat, though he had no idea why, and it became almost choking when you shifted closer to him, putting one hand on his chest.

“You’ve deprived me of this beautiful view for too long,” you whispered, kissing the place below his collarbone, and then going up to the base of his neck. “I missed seeing you like this.”

“There’s nothin’ to miss,” Joel muttered, not moving a single muscle. He had his hands entwined on his stomach and to look in your direction was the biggest effort anyone could demand from him now. “We sleep next to each other every night, sweetheart.”

“You know what I mean,” you breathed into his neck, leaving love bites wherever your lips strayed. “You’re going out so early these days. And you work late.”

“Patrols,” Joel grunted with gritted teeth, his muscles tense and breathing ragged as your warm palm caressed his waist. “Sorry.”

“You work too hard, love.” You sat up and swung one of your legs over his lap. Joel actually shivered when you took his hands in your own and placed them on your hips. “Let me help you relax.”

Oh, fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ, Joel was sure he was going to drop dead at any second now.

“Darlin’…” he began, but you made a noise in your throat and leaned in to kiss him deeply, pressing your body to his. Joel loved when you initiated those moments between you two, and you looked so fucking hot sitting on top of him – but for the life of him, he could not relax.

“It hits me every once in a while how lucky I am to have you,” you whispered in such a sweet, adoring voice, like you didn’t hear him. You pressed your lips against his stubble again, igniting every inch of his skin with your touch. “Let me enjoy you. I love you so much, you know that?”

“I…”

I love you, too.

Lord, he loved you so much. Why was it so hard to return your affections, then? Why did he feel like the biggest crook by letting you love him?

Joel let out a shuddering sigh he didn’t know he was holding when you pressed your lips to the edge of his jaw, before capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was sweet, but heated at the same time and, without even thinking about it, he found himself wrapping his strong arms around you, bringing you closer to his chest. You smiled against his lips and murmured something he didn’t quite catch.

A groan escaped him when you bit his lower lip lightly, your soft palm going down, from his chest, to his stomach, down…

He couldn’t do it.

Joel abruptly rose to the sitting position and grabbed your wrist, his eyes sad and painful.

“I’m sorry, baby” he said with furrowed brows, gently setting you aside and off his lap, before standing up quickly. “I’m so sorry, babygirl, I love you, I promise, but I can’t… I don’t feel good today. I’m sorry.”

“Joel…” you started, but he shook his head, putting his t-shirt back on and turning away from you not to let you see the absolute wrecked expression on his face and wetness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he kept saying, feeling like he’s about to throw up from the nerves and the burning shame. He cursed himself internally, wanting to turn around, to take your face in his hands and kiss you deeply, but he… he... “I’m so…”

All strength left him in a blink of an eye and suddenly he slumped on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. Joel desperately tried to get a grip on himself, but his chest felt so tight, and all the worry, all the guilt and fear, and self-loathing came crashing down on him all at once.

“M’sorry, darlin’,” he whispered hoarsely, his lips trembling and that damn muscle in his cheek pulsing when he felt the mattress dipping and your tentative touch on his face.

“No, no, baby, it’s alright,” you started saying quietly, trying to take his cheeks in your hands, but he didn’t let you. “Oh, Joel… Come here.”

You gently pulled him into your arms, guiding his head to rest in the crook of your neck. Joel hid his face in your skin, realizing with dread that his own shoulders were shaking.

For God’s sake, he needed to stop, he needed to put himself together and not show any weakness–

But it was you. It was your warm embrace and your loving hands brushing his hair, and your quiet whispers while you held him. It was your kindness and understanding, and stubbornness coming from love. You weren’t someone he had to hide from.

So he let you in. He let you hold him.

“Joel, please. Talk to me,” you spoke up after some time, and though your tone was soft, it somehow sounded too loud in the silence of the room. “I need to know what’s going on with you, you’re worrying me.”

“Nothin’ is goin’ on,” he answered out of habit, not even moving a muscle. “I just… fuck, sorry.”

“Stop apologizing and talk to me.” Joel pursed his lips, while you massaged his back gently. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna get through it together, okay? It’s gonna be okay, love, I promise.”

He planned on telling you. He wanted to tell you and get it off his chest, but… he wasn’t ready. Not now. Not when he broke down in front of you, for fuck’s sake.

But you deserved to know. If not to help him, then at least to make you aware of what you’ve gotten yourself into. It wasn’t fair to keep you in the dark and at arm’s length because of his absurd fears.

He wetted his lips and inhaled softly, but no words came out.

You gently lifted his head and Joel immediately squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there was no way he’d be able to say anything if he looked at you.

“You can tell me, baby,” you whispered sadly, touching the side of his face. “Anything. I promise everything will be alright.”

Joel was silent for a couple of moments, before he swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his pounding heart.

“I don’t have any extra work,” he started very quietly, so his voice wouldn’t break. “I was lyin’ to you, and I… I’m so sorry about that. I don’t get sent on any patrols now, actually…”

He shook his head and sighed heavily, faltering. He knew that wasn’t the problem, and although lying to you was one of the things he was guilty of, it wasn’t what started all of it. And you must’ve known it, too, because you kept looking at him, not saying anything.

“The thin’ is, I… God dammit,” he murmured, turning his head away from you and hiding his face in his hands, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can’t… I don’t– I have a problem with myself,” he finally blurted out, not even caring now if you understood his muffled words. “I keep…”

Fuck, man, just say it.

“I’m… I’m not as fit as I used to be,” he murmured, not moving an inch in fear that you’ll spot the wetness on his eyelashes. “I don’t want to do you harm, darlin’, keepin’ you from… Jesus, I don’t know. From livin’ your life, happily and to the fullest.”

“Joel…” You whispered with pain in your voice. “Is this what it is about?”

Joel shook his head, letting out a shuddering breath, still as quietly as he could.

“I’m old,” he said with tiredness he didn’t know he had in himself. “And you… You’re so pretty and young, I…” He lowered his forehead onto his hand, rubbing his temple. “I would like nothin’ more than to spend the rest of my life with you, darlin’. But I’m afraid I’m not… not good for you. You could do so much better–”

“Hey. Hey, none of that.” You forced his hands away from his face by cradling it in your own palms. “There’s no one else I’d rather share my days with.”

Joel just shut his eyes tighter, trying to contain the tears that started to gather in them.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “But in a couple of years I’ll be… God, I’ll be fuckin’ sixty, and you–”

“Do you really think I care about that?” you asked softly, brushing your thumbs under his eyes, but he shook his head, like you didn’t understand. “Joel, I love you more than anything in this world. And I know you love me.” He heard the faintest smile in your voice, and it made him feel so, so terrible with himself – that you were trying to make him feel better when you shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have been another one of your worries… “So where’s the problem? I want to be with you. Only you.”

Joel pressed his lips together and before he could stop himself, he draped his arms over his lap, like he was trying to hide the evidence of his insecurities from you, even though his torso was already covered by the t-shirt.

“You’re young and beautiful,” he repeated, still unable to find strength in himself to look you in the eye. “And I’m anythin’ but. I just don’t wanna…”

Joel didn’t know what else to say.

He didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to spend another night apart from you. He didn’t want to push you away.

“Just don’t want you to be unhappy,” he finally murmured.

You let out something between a short chuckle and a stifled sob, and your fingers found Joel’s, still wrapped around his stomach.

“Do I look unhappy to you?” you asked, almost in disbelief. Joel finally willed himself to glance at you, if only to see for himself – which turned out to be a mistake. Your eyes were sad and teary, but not full of hurt or distaste like he feared, and you still had this faint smile on your face. He quickly turned his head away and you must’ve realized how you looked because your hold on his fingers tightened slightly. “Not right now. In general, did I ever do something to make you think I’m not happy with you?”

“No,” he answered quietly, not even having to think about it. “But it doesn’t…”

“I told you before, how can I even look at anyone else when I have you?” you spoke up when he faltered. “You’re beautiful to me, Joel, even if you don’t believe me right now. You’re amazing and kind, you’re fucking hot, and yeah, maybe you’re stubborn at times, but I love you so much, and every day I find another reason to fall for you all over again.”

Joel met your eyes again, looking for any hesitation or deceit – but he didn’t find any. As always, you were sincere in everything you said.

He realized, with another wave of tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, how much he missed your affection that he alone deprived himself from. How much he longed for this intimacy that once came so easily to him.

“M’sorry,” he muttered at last, lifting his hand to your face and trying to ignore those damn tears spilling from behind his eyelids. “Never doubted you, babygirl, but I just didn’t know how… how to tell you.”

“It’s okay, Joel,” you nuzzled your cheek into his palm, planting a kiss on the inside of his hand. “It’s alright, c’mon here.”

Not letting go of his hand, you tugged him gently and leaned back on the pillows. With great effort he refrained from fighting you, and instead let you pull him down, laying his head on your chest.

And in an instant, everything was alright again. The moment Joel heard your heartbeat under his ear and felt your gentle hands on the nape of his neck and his back… it was like coming home. This feeling of warmth spreading across his limbs made him feel safe for the first time in weeks.

It was so long since he fully let you hold him.

Maybe that’s what he’s been missing.

“I adore you, Joel Miller,” you whispered into the top of his head, holding him close to your heart. “All of you, and just the way you are.”

Joel couldn’t help it – a small smile crept onto his lips.

“Called it,” he murmured. “You’re gettin’ sappy.”

You snorted and kissed his hairline. “I think you need it, handsome.”

“Maybe I do,” he conceded, not moving his head from your chest, and sighed tiredly. “Dammit, missed holdin’ you like this, babygirl. M’so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you countered, but he continued.

“I just didn’t know how to talk about it… How to tell you that I feel bad. About… the way I look.”

Joel felt your hands on his cheeks, and although he really didn’t want to move from the position he was in, he let you lift his head.

“I love the way you look,” you said quietly, in a tone that made Joel’s old heart flutter. “And our bodies change, there’s nothing wrong with that. If anything, I’m really happy that both of us can enjoy this kind of life.” You leaned in and nudged Joel’s nose with yours, closing your eyes. “Every change of our bodies is a sign that we’re finally safe after all we’ve been through.

“But you look gorgeous as ever, sweet girl.”

“M’glad to hear it, Mr Miller,” you teased, but then your smile turned wistful. “But you know, I was insecure about my looks, too, not sure if you noticed. My stomach and thighs, and,” you rolled your eyes, “well, my butt.”

Normally Joel would throw a playful remark, or try to make you giggle, but this time he stayed silent. He just listened to your soft voice, drinking in your features.

“It worried me for some time. But you still put your hand on my leg when I was sitting with you, and you never shied away from telling and showing me,” you stressed this word, a teasing note in your tone, “how much you like my body.”

“‘Course I do,” he murmured quietly, lifting himself on his elbows and leaning over you despite your huffs and efforts to keep him in place.

“So I thought that maybe you didn’t care about this extra weight, or even didn’t–”

The rest of your words were swallowed by Joel’s lips when he kissed you deeply and hungrily. So many strong emotions were swirling inside his chest, he didn’t know anymore what to do with himself. At first you tried to continue your train of thought, but soon gave up, erupting into giggles when Joel latched his lips onto your neck and wrapped his arms around you in an attempt to bring you in even closer.

“I didn’t care,” he was whispering into your skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. “I don’t.”

“Then you see– Joel, stop it!” You squealed when he carried on with his assault, not giving you a second to gather your thoughts.

“M’so lucky to have you,” he whispered while peppering your face in soft kisses. “Thank you, babygirl.”

You finally managed to free your arms, and you cupped his face in your hands with a huge grin that Joel decided he wanted to see every day. Another adorable giggle escaped you when he snuggled his scratchy cheek into your palm.

“I know it will take time,” you said gently, but firmly, looking deep into his eyes. “But no matter how long it’ll take, I will make you understand how incredibly attracted I am to you.” Joel hung his head low to hide a bashful snigger, and your smile grew. “Understand?”

“Yeah, yeah. Understood, ma’am.”

“Good.” You pulled him closer to plant a slow kiss on his lips, and asked seductively: “I can start right now, if you’d want to. I don’t want my handsome man to feel insecure about any part of him.”

God, he loved you so much.

Joel hid his face in the crook of your neck again, his heart squeezing with adoration and disbelief at how it came that he’d been blessed with someone like you.

“Y’know what, sweetheart? I think it’d do me good.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x y/n #joel tlou #i will actually be taking a break because i have uni stuff to do which i REALLY neglected on behalf of this fic #i really got carried away with this one and the final scene took me so long to write omg #i really tried to approach this topic with respect and understanding and i very much hope it's alright #soft joel miller #joel miller fluff #the last of us fic

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spicycinnabun · 8 months

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Magic Charm ✨

Prompt: Charm 🦇 WC: 548 🦇 Rated: T 🦇 For @steddiemicrofic 🦇 Co-written with the awesome @batty4steddie 💕

“Harringking!” Eddie tripped over the rug in front of the couch and his own feet and fell onto Steve. It wasn’t the smooth entrance he’d planned, but it worked in his favor because he was now sitting in Steve’s lap. Giving him a charismatic, drunken smile after he straightened himself out, Eddie said, “Your majesty, might I interest you in a magic charm? And before you correct me, I say charm instead of trick because it will charm you right into my bed. Probably. Maybe.”

He glanced at Chrissy, his moral support who was entirely against this plan and who was in the corner of the room with one of the other cheerleaders, eyes wide and cheeks bulging with laughter as she mouthed, “Eddie, no!”

“There is a slight chance,” Eddie amended, “that it will charm your pants off.” Steve was startled, to say the least. One second, he was being beckoned, and the next, Eddie Munson’s bony ass had landed in his lap. He was sitting next to the prettiest girl that had graced his party. He hadn’t caught her name yet and he was about to work his own charm to get her in his lap, but the crash of a big, drunk, goofy puppy had scared her away. Goddamn it.

Steve looked at Eddie, completely unamused. His eyebrows rose as Eddie continued. “Are you hitting on me?” He had to ask the most obvious question. “How would I end up in your bed if we’re at my house?”

Magic charm, Steve’s ass.

Now, most people would have been deterred by an expression like that. But Eddie, nearly sloshed and chock full of liquid courage as he was, only took it as a sign to try harder.

“Excellent questions, excellent questions. Yes, I am absolutely hitting on you, and luckily, I have my trusty steed sitting right outside, waiting to whisk you away.”

It was time for the charm. Eddie took his hand out of his pocket, revealing a match pinched between his fingers with a surprise hidden in the palm of his hand, unseen. In his other pocket was the matchbox. He brought it out and struck the match against it, congratulating himself for not fumbling it with his tipsy hands.

Glancing at Steve over the flickering flame, Eddie blew it out gently and, at the same time, released the trigger with his middle finger. A red rose popped up where the match had been. Usually, the roses were cheap plastic, but Eddie had bought a real one.

He plucked it and held it out to Steve. “Almost as beautiful as your eyes.” Steve looked past Eddie to see if anyone else was paying attention to them. They weren’t, so he was in a bit of disbelief that this wasn’t a joke. That was when he caught Chrissy’s eyes. She mouthed, “Be nice. He likes you.”

Steve turned his attention back to Eddie just in time for the match to go out. He realized it wasn’t just some silly trick when a real rose was revealed. His cheeks burned as red as the rose after Eddie complimented his eyes. Steve took it from Eddie and tucked it behind his ear. “Okay, you can show me your steed.”

Eddie clambered up and offered Steve his hand.

#fic #rp #batty4steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #stranger things #steddiemicrofic #steddiemicroficseptember #writing prompt #chrissy cunningham #king steve #fluff n stuff #seduction by cheap magic #🌹#steddie drabble

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bones-of-a-rabbit · 2 years

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pov ur practically husbands best friends catch u not getting enough sleep/ working urself to death and are Not Happy About It but ur too small to put up much of a fight when they decide to drag u to a bed themselves

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ghostfacd · 6 months

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fratboy!luke who..

- looks like he doesn’t wanna be at any of the functions but he still def parties his ass off

- definitely did those pledgetok tiktoks

- sighs whenever his frat bro does something dumb like a very loud face palm

- when he fucks up he texts u “i sincerely apologize to my beautiful sexy girlfriend, pls forgive me”

- when you don’t pull up to any of his frat’s events he’s asking the president if he really has to go

- “do i really tho josh? it’s just one event. my girlfriend wont even be there!”

- shrugs off any sorority girl who tries to flirt with him

- “uh i have a girlfriend.”

- when he’s drunk, he’s probably showing the girls who are trying to get w him pictures from his photo album labeled “my pretty gf” and that backs them right off

- everytime he’s hungover, he goes to the McDonald’s near his uni and eat 10 hash browns and 1 McMuffin 😭

- how did he meet you… funny story actually 😓

- luke did those tiktoks where they’d knock on random people’s dorm doors and throw a football and catch it and be like “u ladies alright?”

- well funny story actually: luke’s friend, luca, actually threw the football at luke’s stomach when you opened your door and he tumbled back and fell onto you

- so i guess you can say he fell for you? HHAHA get it… okay.

- luca never lets luke live that down because he’s like “nah uh you cant be mad at me cause im the one who helped you get a girlfriend in the first place.”

#guys im not actually good w this frat stuff so apologizes if i get things wrong 😔#basing off what ik cause one of my guy friends is apart do a frat #anyway start of a new au ??? YES #frat!luke au #luke hughes #luke hughes x you #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes x y/n #luke hughes angst #luke hughes fluff #luke hughes blurb #luke hughes fic #luke hughes smut #luke hughes imagines #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes fanfic

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beyondtheticklecloset · 1 year

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Atsushi and Akutagawa walk into a shop while they're out Christmas shopping. There's a mistletoe above the doorway.

The person working the register draws their attention to it. Atsushi goes all red and fidgety, but Akutagawa just sighs and grabs him by the tie to kiss him.

Several moments later an unbothered Akutagawa and very dazed Atsushi continue their Christmas shopping.

Atsushi is both stunned and elated that that was their first kiss.

#shin soukoku #sskk #mistletoe #christmas #fluff n stuff #random scenarios #cute #i love these boys

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monocaelia · 3 months

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fragile.

' you have broken down my defenses, and i don’t really resent it. ' - vita sackville west

in which you really don't want to care about him and his careless attitude, but you always find yourself coming back to him. always. feat. diluc ragnvindr & gn!reader w.c : 5k warnings : childhood friends to lovers, diluc lore spoilers, minor angst but ends w fluff, diluc ragnvindr. note : happy new year! sorry for the delay hehe, but this is for @seraphiism's 2023 collab event !! please support the other authors and enjoy the fic ^^

your mother had always instructed you to stay close to her side, to never stray far away from her lest you find yourself in trouble with the master of the winery or the other servants working the orchards and tending to the land of the estate.

but with a beautiful land of ripe grapes and friendly staff greeting you as you rush past them, how could you ever just sit still beside your mother as she did her job around the winery?

the late summer breeze rushes past your face as you weave through the wooden stakes holding the wiry vines of grapes above you. the warm sun rays heat your skin as you leap over the small rocks that litter the passage leading into the main area of the ragnvindr estate. the wind whispers in your ear, making you grin as your little legs take you wherever it guides you.

you feel free, the wind pushing past your wings to lead you to your newest adventure around the manor.

your feet land firmly on the grounds behind the manor when you hear the gentle sniffles coming from behind a couple of barrels. despite your mother's warnings echoing in your head, you take gentle steps towards the sound as curiosity takes over.

you're not expecting to see a young boy with fiery red hair and matching eyes that hold the warmest, flickering fire glaring up at you with tears at the corner of his eyes and holding a bleeding knee.

"...are you okay?" you ask, kneeling down beside him. you begin to frown when he pulls his knee away from you and his glare deepens.

"i don't need your help," the young boy hisses at you and you roll your eyes.

"really? you don't need my help even though you're crying in a corner all by yourself?" you scoff at him. he doesn't say anything in retaliation and you take it as an okay for you to help him.

you pull a handkerchief from your pocket; nothing too fancy as your family couldn't afford the finest silks like the nobles could. it's cotton, white, and had a simple design of a little sparrow emroidered in the corner.

"i don't have any bandages on me," you mumble softly. your little fingers gently wrap the handkerchief around the young boy's knee several times before tying a small knot on it. without even blinking, you lean down to kiss the wounded knee.

"what are you doing?!" the young boy exclaims, yanking his knee away.

"kissing it better," you say as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "my mother always does that when i get hurt. she says it takes the pain away and makes it heal faster."

"that's stupid," the boy mumbles with a glare.

"says the one who tripped and fell and hurt himself," you argue back. you stick your tongue out when the boy shouts out a 'hey!' and roll your eyes.

"who are you and what are you doing here anyways?" you ask the young boy, kneeling beside him once more. he's still glaring at you, but it's less hostile than it was a few moments ago. "my mom said strangers aren't allowed to be here."

the young boys eyes are red, vibrantly so. the life in them burn brightly, reminding you of a fire as it flickers with warmth and a promise of a brighter tomorrow. like the hearth of a fireplace, the young boy seems to be the incarnate of warmth itself with the way he's filled with the flame of life.

"i live here, dummy," he quips back at you with a frown and your eyes widen.

"really? i've never seen you around, and i've been everywhere on this estate," you reply, bringing your thumb and forefinger to your chin as you remain deep in thought. truly, the only people you've managed to catch were all adults working for the master of this winery. never once have you seen a kid running along.

with a bright smile of your own, you lean towards the young boy. "we should be friends! since i don't know anyone else to play with here, we can play!"

the boy looks you up and down with furrowed brows, but he slowly nods. "...okay," he mumbles and you grin brighter.

"great! what's your name then? i'm-"

your name is shouted as hurried footsteps rush towards you. your mother pulls you aside as she looks at the young boy in front of you with panicked eyes.

"young master, i'm so sorry if my child said or did anything to hurt you," your mother says in a rush. she pushes your head down to bow in front of the young boy. she hisses something into your ear and you stutter out your own apology too, even if you did nothing wrong.

you find out the young boy you helped earlier that day was the son of the nobleman your mother works for, diluc ragnvindr. apparently, he's some big deal because he's the young master, but what kind of big deal hurts himself and hides between the barrels instead of asking for help?

you huff as you kick your feet sitting down by your bedside. because of the whole debacle, your mother had ordered you to stay inside to prevent even more debacles from happening even if you explained that the young master getting injured was not your fault. the sun shining from your windowsill feels so far away as you stare outside and ponder what to do.

until you hear a light pattering sound come from your window.

your curiosity is piqued as your small frame approaches the glass panes, wide eyes peeking over the wooden frame as your eyes scan the scenery.

the foliage of the trees surrounding your home cast shadows over your house with small animals running back and forth from the greenery above, causing the rustling of the leaves. the sun trickles in through the gaps of the leaves and your eyes settle on the boy with red hair standing outside your window, a small rock in his hand.

there's a proper bandage on his knee now as it was properly dressed, and his fiery eyes meet yours. he looks hesitant at first, but his brows furrow and his lips open to prepare to speak.

"...come outside and play with me," he tells you when you push open the window in your bedroom, a slight pout in his voice.

"you got me in trouble," you reply shortly, "and now i'm stuck inside because of you."

the young boy bites his lip, pondering what he could do or say to make things better. from the way he's thinking hard enough for you to see steam coming out of his ears, you could tell that he was trying really hard to think of anything to say.

"i'm sorry," he mumbles, kicking the dirt with his shoe.

"sorry, what was that?" you ask, holding your ear out.

the young master huffs, his cheeks puffed out in annoyance. he stomps his foot before-

"i said 'i'm sorry'!"

you smile at him smugly before crossing your arms on the windowsill. it was amusing to see the supposed young master like this; for such a renowned young boy, he was such a cry baby.

"okay, i can't go outside, but we can still play inside if that's okay," you tell him with a bright smile. "i'll let you in!"

"diluc..." he says, red eyes meeting yours. he reminds you of a fire with the way he's looking at you; so full of life but almost burning you if you get him too riled up. but the flames are tame now compared to the anxious flickers you saw earlier before he apologized.

"okay; i'll let you in then, diluc!"

ever since that warm summer, you and diluc have been inseparable; every afternoon is spent exploring the land of the winery but never straying far enough to get lost or end up on the other side of the lake where monsters lurk.

you were there the evening master crepus brought home another young boy around your age home; his blue hair reminding you of the blueberries your mother bought from mondstadt for you to eat. it was a bit of an adjustment with another young boy to play with, but soon you got along well with him as well.

his bright blue eyes always sparkling as you invite him to play alongside diluc and his little hand held in yours. he reminded you of the stars above with the way his eyes twinkle with youth and reflect the night sky above you when the three of you snuck out of your homes to stargaze with your hands holding onto each other until the morning sun began to rise over the horizon.

with your hands held tightly with diluc's and kaeya's, your youth together was only just beginning.

it's a cool morning where the early frost is beginning to melt as the sun continues to rise over the horizon, spreading her warmth and love across the fields of dawn winery. the young master has been gone for a couple days now; something about some sort of knight exam or whatever happening in the city of mondstadt. you would have gone with him, but your duties lie in caring for the winery whilst your friends head off to the heart of mondstadt to finish their training and hopefully become part of the knights of favonius that crepus ragnvindr had always encouraged them to be a part of.

you know having their father's praise meant a lot to your dear friends and you could only hope for the best for both diluc and kaeya as they were off doing their duties.

your ears perk as your name is shouted through the winery along with the sound of hooves rapidly against the dirt road. over in the distance, you can make out a red haired young man galloping over on his steed at near full speed. with wide eyes, you try to tell him to slow down before you get trampled and-

"oof!" you groan as a heavy body slams into you, both his weight and warmth tackling you to the ground. you're thankful that his arms cradled your head as you both go tumbling into the dirt road underneath you and the only pain was that of your body against the floor.

you don't even get to question why diluc had tackled you to the floor when he pulls his face away from you, giving you a clear view of his expression. he's smiling brightly, a wide grin on his face and his eyes of rubies twinkling brighter than any flame you've ever seen. the flames of his soul flicker brilliantly in his excitement and you can't help your own match his energy.

"i got in!" diluc says, his boyish smile growing wider. the small divots in his cheeks are cute and evidence of how hard he was grinning at the news. "i passed the trials got to do the oath swear and- oh, i wish you could've been there!"

despite growing up into a more mature-ish teen, it is moments like these where you're reminded that even as time passes and he grows taller than you, diluc is still the bright eyed boy that you've known since you were young. he looks so cute, in an endearing way, when he eagerly tells you all about his trials and how tough they were.

you really hope that the young master stays the same as he is now.

with a gentle hand, you reach up to ruffle his hair; it's soft to the touch and your eyes don't miss the way diluc pauses in his excitement as your fingers weave into his hair. you assume it's because he's not used to your praise and brush it off, even as he leans into your touch and waits for your words.

"why don't we head inside first? i want to hear everything that happened, but inside where it's warm and comfortable rather than on the dirt floor, diluc," you say to him, a slight lilt in your voice. you laugh softly when you see his cheeks flush a little in embarrassment before he gets off of you.

"i apologize, i was just so eager to tell you," diluc says softly, reaching down to offer a hand to you. you take his hand; you can feel the natural warmth emanating from his body through his gloves and, before you know it, you've been pulled up from the ground. his arm wraps around your waist to assure that you're balanced as you stand up.

"i just," diluc begins. you watch him as the young master of the winery averts his gaze briefly before he meets yours, warm rubies enveloping you with nothing but the comfort he holds for you ever since you were both younger.

"i wanted you to be the first person i told and to tell you."

a wave of something pleasant washes over you knowing that diluc, the heir of dawn winery and one of the most hardworking and talented man in all of mondstadt, rushed back home on horseback in the early hours of this chilly morning just to announce the news to you in person.

just so he could be your first in regards to his good news.

you laugh softly as something warm settles into the pit of your heart, squeezing his hand in yours as you tug him towards the main mansion of the winery estate with no intentions of letting his go for the time being.

even with the budding flowers of youth begin to bloom and the happiness that was promised to you has yet to come, you would have never expected for the spring of your youth to end so abruptly.

it happened all so quickly; crepus ragnvindr wielding a delusion, his death and the anger of diluc exploding, and the fall of your friendship with kaeya and diluc.

you weren't given the details of either one's situation, just a witness of a near death experience and the unforgiven apologies spewing from kaeya's lips as he held his injured eye in the midst of the rain washing down on them as if mourning both the loss of crepus ragnvindr and the wound wedged deep between the relationship of the ragnvindr brothers.

it was like in a mere second, the once warm diluc that would blush and hold your hand so delicately had been wiped away and replaced by a diluc grieving the loss of his father as the flames of his anger and betrayal of both his own brother and the knights of favonius for trying to brush the murder of his father under the rug explode and engulf his entire being.

he doesn't even give you a proper goodbye, leaving only a letter dedicated to you and his vision dimly glowing on his nightstand behind.

it feels like a fever dream when you hear the news of diluc finally returning after all of these years. you don't even hear it from the man himself; rather, from the whispers and excited chatter that the master of dawn winery had returned home.

part of you is excited at the news that he's alive; with no news of his existence after he ran from home in search of the truth behind his father's death other than the faint glow and warmth radiating from his vision clutched in your hands when you missed and worried for him, you were ecstatic knowing that he truly was home now.

that he's alive and breathing and still with you.

and yet, another part of you twinges in pain that he didn't come to you and announce that he was home. he had left you without even a single goodbye, not even bothering to visit you and explain his situation before leaving you questioning whether or not he even cared about how you felt about him.

of course, you aren't entitled to being the first to know, but after growing up together and usually being the first to know of everything in your youth, your heart aches knowing you were one of the last to hear of this at the winery.

it doesn't help knowing that you have not even caught a glimpse of diluc after his supposed return.

so imagine your surprise coming home one evening, the cool night air biting against your skin as you return home after a long day's work, seeing a figure leaning against your home.

at first, your blood turns cold as your heart races in your ears; it couldn't be anyone bad... the winery is a safe place and any suspicious figures are dealt with accordingly before they even step close to the winery grounds. you don't even have anything to defend yourself against if they did happen to be someone with malicious intent.

you take a step back to turn tail back to the estate but freeze when you begin to recognize the figure outside your door; red curls resembling that of flames flickering in the air and warm ruby eyes that you could recognize anywhere. despite standing in the dim evening light and having only the glow of the lantern outside of your home, you could make out the injuries through his dark clothing.

just what did he get himself into?

you hesitate at first, but eventually let your instincts take control as you begin to walk over to your home. it's as if you were both in the blooming stages of your youth again, bringing diluc home to mend his wounds after training for the knight exams.

caring for him was like muscle memory to you, even after all of the events leading to him leaving you in the dust.

you don't say a word as you open the wooden door and guide diluc in, pulling out a chair by the fireplace. wordlessly, he sits in it as you leave to prepare to clean his wounds.

your fingers shake ever so slightly as you remove diluc's coat from his shoulders, the heavy fabric falling to the floor with a thud. you apologize softly as you begin to unbutton his shirt and, as each button is undone and reveals more of his skin, your fingers begin to flinch every time your skin brushes against the skin of his chest.

his breath is warm, you can feel it against your skin as you slide off the remaining clothes on his torso. his chest is bare to you, and normally you would be gawking at how much he has physically changed since you were younger. but you cannot help but stare at how much he had been injured in the last few years you have seen him.

aside from the scratches from the most recent scuffle which led him to your quaint home beside his manor, scars litter his chest and arms. although most of them are healed, the damage that he had experienced was still evident on his skin and you hold back a gasp at how deep some of them had been; there's a huge scar that runs diagonally from the top of his chest to his stomach and you could already feel your stomach churning at the pain.

you couldn't imagine having to sustain those injuries for so long, and being alone through it all.

and, now, you hope that the injuries currently on his body heal faster knowing that he isn't alone this time. not when he has you by his side.

diluc's eyes burn holes into your skull as he watches you dip a towel into the bucket of warm water at your side; you pretend to ignore him. twisting the soaked cloth to rid it of the excess water, you gently begin to clean the wounded man in front of you.

a man you consider an old friend, but you fear he doesn't hold the same sentiment. not anymore.

it's quiet, the only sound shared between the two of you being the occasional sound of the towel dumped back into the bucket and the crackling of the fireplace in your living space. the moon casts her illuminating rays through the window of your home, but her light is nothing compared to the comfort of the fire in your home.

the comfort of the man in front of you, even if you didn't want to ever admit it to him now.

the glass jars containing the disinfecting ointment for diluc's wounds clink gently as you open them to spread over his skin.

"why are you helping me?" his voice breaks the thick silence between you two. his sudden question makes your hands pause, but you don't raise your head as you think of something to reply.

"and let an old friend bleed to death outside my door? you think i'm that heartless, diluc?" you ask him. your fingers resume their previous job of slathering the medicine over his new wounds. "i could say the same to you, why show up to my house like this?"

another silence follows your words and you assume he's done interrogating you for your kindness to him.

"i had nowhere else to turn to," diluc says after a while. your eyes catch his fists tighten on his lap as he takes another breath. "you've shown me nothing but kindness even after i was so cruel to you."

you exhale softly at his words. of course he thinks dealing with his own problems this entire time was the worst thing he could do to you. if you were being honest, it did hurt when he seemingly pretended you didn't exist or pushed you away when he had returned home from whatever he was dealing with away from mondstadt.

you had hoped for a joyful reunion, one filled with tears as you finally welcome home your old friend. but he never announced when he was coming home and you only figured out through the grapevine. he was never home when you looked for him and when you finally caught a glimpse of him, your eyes would meet for barely a second before he rushed off elsewhere and leaving you in the dust.

according to kaeya, his brother whom you've kept in touch with throughout the years. diluc had changed even more ever since his return; he kept his feelings to himself and his face remained 'constipated,' as per kaeya's words, due to his inner turmoil.

but from everyone else, he had always been so kind to them. the old women in the city would always praise how gentle the young master was, helping them walk across the city or carrying their groceries if they needed it. the young women also constantly swooned over how mysterious, yet warm-hearted diluc was; seemingly cold in nature but treating children and animals with such tenderness.

"it did hurt knowing you were ignoring me," you confess as your fingers begin to unravel the gauze to wrap over his wounds. "even if you wanted everyone to think you've changed and have become cold and guarded, i know you're still the same caring boy i've known since we were young. i hope so, at least."

his skin is warm to the touch, another feature you realize has never changed about your old friend. with bated breath, you lift your head to let your gaze finally settle on diluc's own. just as you predicted, despite the physical changes, you can still see the diluc you once knew within the scarred and older man in front of you.

diluc has definitely gotten older; the baby fat on his face slimming down slightly to reveal a more defined jaw and the bags under his eyes were evidence of his restless nights away from mondstadt. there are light scars on his face, nothing too deep to keep from his princely demeanor but are definitely proof of a troubling journey, and he has grown taller than the last time you had seen him in your youth.

but one thing that has never changed is the fire the lights up his eyes. so red and warm, you're tempted to hold his face in your hands to get a closer look. they're so vibrant, alive like the embers that flicker in the fireplace that lights your home, as they stare back at you in anticipation of your next words.

"you would never intend to hurt me on purpose. so if i should have to wait forever for you to be ready to come to me like you've had in the past, i don't mind doing so."

diluc's stoic expression wavers at your words. a sliver of guilt shines in his eyes and he looks away briefly as he digests the words you've spoken to him.

he couldn't tell you the reasons why he always kept you at arm's length; was he wary of your intentions for always being kind to him despite how he treated you or was he so used to people close to him lying to his face that he feared you were also pulling a facade?

or was he scared of you sharing the same fate as his family should he loved you with his heart on his sleeve, a fate of being held in his arms as he feels the warmth that once comforted him when you were young fade away like the embers in the hearth of a fireplace?

diluc did not want to know and he did not need to know, not when you're looking at him with such trust and compassion that he finds it hard to even hold any distrust towards you.

his dear friend from his youth who was always there to pick him up when he fell.

you did not break through the walls shielding diluc's heart for you had already found your place beside it, holding he's life with your gentle hands and protecting his soul's flames with your faith in him.

"i'm sorry," diluc apologizes to you, looking into your eyes. one of your hands is grabbed to be held by him, rough and scarred and so calloused as it held the memories and grief of what he went through to become like the man in front of you, the gauze held in your other. his warmth seeps into your skin, heating up your skin as the flames of his heart grow and encase your entire being within its embrace.

your lips part to say something, but he continues to speak.

"i thought keeping you away would benefit us both," he takes a breath as his eyes scan over your own features, taking in all that has changed since the last time he saw you in your adolescent years; how much you've grown both physically and emotionally. you look so much more mature than the naughty child who ran around breaking their mother's rules just to play with him or the dear friend who would bicker with him endlessly during their teenage years.

the years of their beautiful youth, years that he wished so dearly he could go back to and live in that peace for eternity.

but while the winds continue to blow and move time along, you've continued to stay the same despite the change.

you're still so kind, so inviting to someone like him.

you treat him like the friend you've remembered in your adolescence, even if his hands were bloodied with vengeance and his heart is scarred and wounded from betrayal and deceit.

he is still diluc, just diluc in your bright and beautiful eyes; he always had been.

his hands squeeze yours tightly, hoping that he has the courage to say what he wants to say.

"i don't deserve your kindness, or your love. but if i imagine a life where i have succeeded in pushing you away and we no longer talk," diluc begins, the fire in his eyes wavering as they hold your gaze.

"i don't think i would ever want to live a life where you're not in it."

diluc's words shake you to your core; it's something you wouldn't expect him to say now after all these years. as much as you want to immediately forgive him and push back the years of agony, waiting for any sign that he was alive while leaving his vision behind, or even watching as he ignores you despite being home after all these years, your heart aches knowing knowing he even did this to you in the first place.

"how can i know that you won't leave me like you did?" your voice is small despite being so close to him. in fear of having him see how much his actions have affected you, you face tilts down to your lap to avoid his gaze. "i can't just wait for you forever, it hurts sitting here all these years with a promise i don't even know if you'll keep."

you take a shaky breath as you speak again.

"you didn't even say goodbye."

your voice breaks as you say those words and you can feel the burning sensation as the tears threaten to spill over your eyes.

there's a moment of silence between the two of you before you hear him gently call out your name. his free hand reaches up to cup your face, tentatively guiding you to face him. he says your name again, softly as if even saying your name too harshly would cause you to break, and you hesitantly meet his gaze.

there's a tenderness that you recognize deep in those fiery pools in his eyes, one that flickers like the hearth of your fireplace and suddenly you feel like you're experiencing the most beautiful yet fleeting moment in life once more. diluc's thumb gently presses against your cheek to wipe away any tears that overflowed from your already wet eyes.

his pinky links with your own, a childish thing to do but one that you still hold dear to your own heart.

a promise between the two of you bathed in firelight and your youth reflected back at you in the shape of the young man sitting before you.

#diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr x reader #genshin x reader #diluc fluff #diluc fics #didi writes #seraphiism'23 #events !!#this was fun!!#sorry this is really late TT life is life-ing o(-(#n e wayz; i do think diluc would b such an annoying kid LOL #b r a t to the core #but he mellows out and all that fun stuff later #happy new year everyone ! i hope you enjoyed my (late) work !!

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