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#fiction time
littledrummeraussie · 6 months
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tell me all the things that you couldn't before.
masterlist. | want to be added to my taglist?
warnings: brief mentions of sex. a nightmare. hurt/comfort. lots of loving for Ashton. badboy!mechanic!Ashton AU.
word count: 5435
author’s note: This fic was written back in January, 2020, as part of the infamous A Permanent Chase fic, which I'm not sure will ever see the light of day as it only lives in my head and my heart.
The original concept is the following (to help you understand the fic better):
Ashton (in the beginning appearing as Fletcher) comes back to Sydney, where he starts working at Calum's garage as a mechanic. Shortly after this he meets our girl and starts to pursue her. They do start dating, but after some complications happen, and she finds out Fletcher is not the person he tells people he is, but someone else (Ashton), and she quickly breaks things up between them.
What she doesn't realize is that she and Ashton have met before, just after graduation at a beach party, where they fell in love for a night, but never saw each other again. Ashton does recognize the girl, but she doesn't recognize him for a long time, until finally Ashton does tell her the truth about their past.
The story is a mess - the original idea included gangs and street racing in which Ashton also partakes, lots of chasing after the girl in different places and scenarios, who eventually starts to put together how Ashton really loves her and actually wants to protect her from things happening around the city. (This is a huge reason why I never really worked on the story - I couldn't decide on anything, so it's just a big mess.)
They eventually make up and finally kiss at another beach party (full circle), and decide that they want to start a relationship with each other. There are lot of added stories to them in my mind, all of them following the main story above.
I also realized over the years that in some ways they are kinda toxic, but I cannot help it, I love my babies so much. So if you have any additional questions, please feel free to ask them.
Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!
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It was well past midnight when you realized that there was something out of the ordinary. At first everything seemed to be normal, your night started like any other: you stopped by the garage after work, parking your car just outside the building and greeted the boys who were still working there. You’ve convinced Ashton to finish early, making Calum close up for the night, and dragged your boyfriend up the stairs to his flat.
He was in a really good mood, and with a cheeky grin he pulled you into the shower with himself. His hands were searching and grabbing at whatever body parts they could reach, and after he’d promised you the best fuck of your life, Ashton picked you up to cross the tiny apartment to his bedroom, where he made good on his promise. You were lying in a tangled mass afterwards, watching the last rays of sunshine peeking through the window, painting Sydney in the most beautiful shades of pink, orange and yellow.
You were ready to make some dinner, but Ashton preferred cuddle time, and held you close to his side while he ordered Thai food from one of his favourite places. You spent the time kissing and talking about your day until the guy arrived with your order, and you ate in comfortable silence in the kitchen, playing footsie all through dinner. Usually this was the time when you went out to have fun around town, or just lay on the couch, watching the TV mindlessly, but the last few weeks have been different.
Since you’ve decided to take up some courses to help you with your work, it meant that eventually you needed to take exams on them as well. You had your doubts when you first approached Ash with the idea, but he was supportive, and in his own way, he helped you with your studying and papers. It usually meant buying you coffee or letting you rant about your problems – or ordering food when he thought you could use the extra time. And his apartment was much quieter than your noisy neighbourhood. He did not mind you staying over if it meant cuddles, food sharing and sex – all three of those happened regularly, so he did not complain.
You have already started revising notes when Ashton came up to you and gave a kiss on your neck. You leaned back against his chest, looking up at him with a smile.
“You’re going to bed?”
“Yeah, I promised Calum that I will open in the morning, since someone decided to drag me away early,” he leaned forward to press another kiss on your forehead, his red locks falling over your face. “And I don’t want to keep you away from your notes and books, which are clearly more interesting than your own boyfriend.”
“How tragic,” you laughed, turning around on the kitchen chair to wrap your arms around him. “Please file a complaint, and I will talk to the management.”
“And what will I get as a consolation prize?” he quirked an eyebrow at you.
“Blowjobs.”
“Oh, plural? That doesn’t sound so bad,” Ashton grinned at you, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear. “When can I start collecting them?”
“You know how offices work – it might take a few weeks to get an answer,” you bit your lip to hide a smile, and Ash just huffed at you.
“If it was up to you, I wouldn’t get my blowjobs for the next 30 days or so,” his fingers found a way into your tied up hair, slowly pulling out strands and combing them back into an even messier bun. “Any way to file a complaint about filing complaints?”
“I might know someone who can help you,” you tilted your head forward, pressing a small kiss on the skin of his stomach, then quickly blew a raspberry on it. “But only during opening hours.”
“You are terrible,” he laughed, grabbing your face and pulling you closer to plant a kiss on your lips. “Alright, I’ll leave you to your notes.”
“Don’t hog the blankets,” you poked his side, and Ash laughed again, pushing your hand away. “Good night, Cardinal.”
“Is that a joke on my hair?”
“You tell me,” you winked at him, and he leaned back to give you another kiss.
“Good night, you monster.”
* * *
You knew something was up when you heard noises from the bedroom. The flat was really small, with no actual doors between the bedroom, the living area and the kitchen, and at first you thought the all-nighters you pulled would bother Ashton and he wouldn’t be able to sleep with the light on in the kitchen. But he was a heavy sleeper, still and calm, and the only thing that ever broke the silence was his light snoring. But not tonight.
The first thing you heard were the rustling sheets, a pillow thumping down onto the floor, the bed creaking under his weight. There was a loud gasp, more rustling, something hitting the nightstand or the bed frame, then another loud thump on the mattress. More gasps, more heavy breathing – you could hear the panic in the way he was trying to catch his breath, choking on air, like he couldn’t get enough oxygen into his lungs.
You pushed yourself out of the chair, running to the small bedroom to check on Ashton. He was tangled up in the sheets, body twisting around as he tried to kick off the covers, thrashing in his blanket prison. His arms were swinging, trying to grab onto something (or someone), hitting the pillows and the bed with every move. He pushed his head back into the pillow, turning it left and right as he was panting, his Adam’s apple moving almost in a frantic, panicked way.
He was no stranger to nightmares – when he was exhausted or just had a bad day, he would go to bed early, resting his head on your stomach, hugging your body close to him like a pillow, and that usually did the trick. He slept soundly and without interruption. But sometimes he was just so lost in his own head that he forgot about it all, not caring about the dreams sneaking into his sleepy mind, and he usually woke with a start in the middle of the night. He would curl his body around yours, telling you that he’s okay, he just had a bad dream, he will fall back to sleep soon – he only ever asked you to hold his hand during these moments.
But tonight was different, Ashton never had a nightmare like this, one that physically shook him. He was fighting so hard to wake up, but nothing seemed to work. You dropped onto the mattress, climbing closer, and grabbed him by his shoulders, shaking him with all the strength that you had.
“Ashton! Ashton, wake up! Ash! Wake up!”
Suddenly he bolted up, eyes wide open, staring at the wall and taking in a lungful of air, making himself dizzy in the process. You shifted closer, climbing between his legs, and wrapped your arms around his trembling body. You held him close, running your fingers over his back, murmuring soft words into his ear as he buried his face in your neck, taking deep breaths, trying to calm his hammering heart.
“I’m here, Ash, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
He locked his arms around your waist, pulling you closer, never loosening his grip on you. You ran your hand up to his shoulder, lightly massaging his tense muscles, caressing his neck, brushing your fingers over his hair. His skin was cold and sweaty, his hair wet and sticking to his forehead. His breathing was slowing, and you moved your head to press a small kiss on his temple. He tensed for a second, but then melted into your arms once again.
“It’s alright,” you whispered, still stroking the red locks at the back of his head. “It’s over. It was just a dream, it’s over. I’m here. You’re awake. It’s okay.”
His breath was hot on your neck as he inhaled deeply, nuzzling his face back into your skin. His muscles were slowly relaxing, but he was still tense and sweaty, and a shiver ran through his body. He tried to burrow closer to get more of your warmth, and you let him stay in your arms like this for a few more minutes. When you could feel he was a bit more relaxed, you pulled back a little, lifting his head up to look at you. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, and it took him a few seconds to get out of his daze.
Ashton’s gaze skipped over yours, instead focusing on the chain hanging from your neck. The silver ring he gave you almost a year ago was hooked on a thin necklace, the weight of the metal resting between your breasts, a comfort you never knew you needed. You still remembered the time when he wore it on his finger, playing with it whenever he started getting nervous. He called it a good luck charm, something he desperately needed while he was chasing after you. But once he got hold of your heart, he gave it to you – since then it became something much more than just a piece of jewellery. For you: a reminder; for others: a warning.
His clumsy fingers wrapped around the ring, slightly tugging on it. You slowly tilted his head up again, trying to catch his eyes. His hazel ones finally found your gaze, and you gave him a small smile, lightly running your fingers over his stubbly jaw.
“Hey, you’re okay?”
Silence, then a nod.
“How about you go and take a shower? Get warmed up,” you rubbed his arms, trying to warm his still cold skin. “And I will change the sheets.”
Another nod.
Ash let go of your necklace, slowly peeling himself out of the bed, starting to go to the bathroom, then stopped, looked back at you. You gave him another encouraging smile, nodded at him that it’s okay, you both will be fine, after which he finally made his way out of the room. When the lock clicked and the shower started up, you let out a breath you were holding back. A thousand questions were running through your mind, but you didn’t want to take too much time thinking about them. You wanted to make sure Ashton was comfortable after his nightmare, that he can come back and relax into the bed, wrapped in your arms, and sleep off this horrible experience.
You started stripping off the sweat soaked sheets, pulling out a fresh set from the drawer, working methodically in changing them. After that you opened the window, letting in fresh air, the slight breeze clearing away the remaining shadows from the room. You reached into another drawer, choosing a soft pair of sweatpants for Ashton, and finally went to the kitchen, making tea, waiting for him to finish up.
The lock on the bathroom door clicked, and it opened with a slight squeak. Ash stood behind the door, a towel wrapped around his waist, water dripping on the tiles from his red hair. You stepped to him, holding the pants out for him. He took them from your hands, his fingers brushing against yours as he did, and that made him look at you.
“I made you tea,” you nodded towards the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe. “If you want some.”
“Thanks,” his voice was quiet and small, and he coughed a little to make his throat work. “I– I’ll be there.”
“Take your time.”
You stepped back to the kitchen, piling up your books and notes to shove them to the corner of the table. You knew there was no way you would go back to studying, not tonight. Any exam could wait – Ashton needed you now.
After a few more minutes he emerged from the bathroom, shuffling to the kitchen, and dropped down onto the chair next to you. He sighed deeply, then leaned forward, resting both his arms on the table, and put his head down on them, hiding his face. You watched him, how his back moved as he was breathing in and out. His muscles were still tense, you could see it from the way he was holding himself. You scooted a bit closer, and slowly put your hand on his elbow, a tentative touch. When he did not flinch away, you started to lightly rub his arm, up to his shoulder, down on his back, then back up again.
When you reached the back of his neck, Ash moved his head to the side, looking at you as you stroked his drying locks with your fingers. His hazel eyes were searching you as you were working through the tangled ends, brushing them back from his face. He let out another small sigh when you touched his face, caressing his cheek, which made him nuzzle into your hand.
“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked, resting your hand back on his arm.
Ashton looked at you for another second, then hid his face back in the crook of his elbow. You waited for him, you knew he needed time to work through the thoughts in his head, to decide if he wanted to face them again. He slowly pushed himself up, reaching for the mug in front of him, taking a sip of his cooling tea. His fingers were running over the rim, circling it mindlessly as he focused on something in front of him.
“You… left me.”
There was silence in the kitchen – his words left you speechless. It sounded silly at first; you knew how you felt about him, how first his attention was unusual, almost uncomfortable at times, and that you wished he would give you just an ounce of space; how you started to miss him when he wasn’t around, how you watched over your shoulder if he would appear somehow, stalk behind you, keeping his distance, but never taking his eyes off of you. You knew he had his reasons to do so, and you learned to love him for that – it wasn’t so hard, he found a way to your heart, and you willingly let him in. You never wanted to let go of him ever again.
“I have no intention in doing that,” you reached out to take his hand in yours, squeezing it. “And no reason.”
“But what if you do?” he whispered, pulling his hand away. “What if you find one?”
“Ash… is this something you’ve been… thinking about lately?” you asked softly, your fingers going up to your necklace, running them over the ring.
He did not answer; his eyes were still trained on the same spot as before. He was drumming on the tabletop, the rhythm getting more and more frantic and complicated. You desperately wanted to reach out and stop him, to make him look at you, to let him know you were there, you were listening, that you wanted to understand. But it seemed he was lost in his own thoughts – thoughts that brought out a nightmare that clearly shook him to the core.
“Ashton,” you said in a small voice. “Don’t push me away. Please.”
Those words made him look at you. Those words were his words, begging you to give him another chance, to make up for the mistakes he made when you met again. They were Ashton’s words, not Fletcher’s; they made you stop in your tracks, made you listen to him. They broke you in a way you’ve known you will never be broken again. That was the first time you’ve really let him into your heart, and you never wanted him to leave.
Ash sighed deeply, slowly turning around in his chair to face you, though his head was down. His fingers nervously twitched in his lap, and he started wringing his hands, looking for the rings he usually wore to play with. He once told you that sometimes he felt naked without them, and he liked wearing at least one to mindlessly spin it around, or take it off and put it back on. You moved a little closer, pushing your knees against his, slowing down his bouncing feet. Leaning forward you reached for him, pushing your fingers between his tightly clasped ones, and interlocked them. There was a slight shake to his hands, and you gently ran your thumb over his skin, trying to calm him again.
“I’m sorry,” he finally breathed, slowly looking up at you from under his lashes. “I’m just… unsure.”
“Of me?” you tilted your head to the side, trying to see all of him. He just shook his head.
“Of myself,” Ashton answered, rubbing your hands with his thumbs. “If I’m good enough for you.”
“Of course you are,” you squeezed his fingers in yours, pushing your forehead against his. “You are my Ashton. How could you not be good enough for me?”
“That’s not what everyone else thinks,” he said with a humourless laugh. “People talk, all over town.”
“Some neighbourhood gossip won’t make me leave you,” you shook your head. “What could they tell me that I don’t already know? I know you, Ash, I know who you are.”
“You have the heart of an angel, and I’m the devil who’s holding you back,” he whispered, tilting his head down.
“Maybe I’ve had enough of heaven,” your hand went to his jaw, slowly tipping his chin up to look back at you. “If hell is where you are, then I’m packing all of my bags to be with you.”
“Y/N…”
“Or maybe they have it the wrong way around,” you continued. “Cause you definitely feel like heaven to me. Maybe it’s not their definition of the place. But screw them – my heaven is all tattooed up and gorgeous.”
A blush coloured his cheek, and he moved closer to rest his forehead on your shoulder, his legs bracketing yours. You were tangled up in each other, silently sitting in the kitchen for a few minutes, Ashton’s hand on your thighs while you played with the hair at the nape of his neck. Then he slowly pulled back, rubbing his eyes – was it tears, or sleep, you didn’t know – and looked back at you again.
“Your parents still hate me,” he added, resting his elbow on the table, leaning his head against his hand.
“They hate everyone,” you answered with a shrug. “They even hate me. That’s not an accomplishment.”
“I’m sure they would prefer anyone else over me,” he searched you with his eyes. “Someone who can give you a real future.”
“What do you think, what does a girl need?” you quirked an eyebrow at him, and it was his turn to shrug.
“Financial security?” he asked, and when you rolled your eyes at him, he continued. “Someone like that guy you work with – what’s his name? Liam?”
“A suit and tie?” you shook your head, putting your hands on his knees to lean closer. “Really, Ash? When I can have you, your jackets and chains, and the fire red Mustang? Well, tough luck, because you’re stuck with me for good.”
“But am I enough for you?” Ashton sighed, reaching for you and holding your face in his hands, making you really look at each other. “I wanna give you the world. Hell, I wanna give you the galaxy. The universe. But I’m just this guy, fixing cars and running my mouth at people. And you… you’re smart and beautiful and could get anyone you set your eyes on.”
“And that’s you,” you nuzzled your face against his hand, looking at him pleadingly. “You’re the only one I want.”
“What if Liam asked you on a date? Or one of the guys at that course? What if you get along so much that you realize that you could just… do better than me?” his gaze slipped down to the ring resting against your chest, saying the next words looking at it. “You know I would do anything for you… but I know I can’t keep you forever.”
“Ash, how long have we known each other?” you asked, reaching for him, brushing his hair behind his ear.
“7 or 8 years. Dunno. Why is that important now?” he sighed, shaking his head.
“What do you think… how many guys did I date during that time?” you questioned him, but did not wait for an answer. “Only two. And you wanna know their names?”
“Please don’t kick me when I’m already down,” he whispered, but you’ve had enough.
“They are Fletcher and Ashton. They are you, Ash. I might have had a few flings and one night stands, and sure, I went on a few dates with guys. But it was only ever you I had a real thing with. It was only you who was ever good enough for me.”
“Then why did you even go on those dates if you didn’t want anything from them?” the question left Ashton before he could stop himself, and you could see him flinch when he realized what he’d said.
“I wanted to know how I felt about other people. I wanted to give myself a chance, see how we could work out. You know – if you never try, you’ll never know,” you shrugged a little while reaching for his hand, slowly interlocking your fingers with his. “And I– I think I wanted to know how you would react.”
“Remember the hole in the wall?” he quirked an eyebrow at you, and you needed to stifle a laugh.
“I was always waiting for you to show up during your dates,” you confessed, squeezing his hand in yours. “You know, just crash them. I wanted you to crash them. I know it took me a long time to let you in…”
“Well, half the time you were mad at me,” he said, leaning closer and resting his forehead against yours. “For one reason, or the other.”
“And in the other half I desperately wanted you to kiss me,” you finished, nuzzling your nose to his.
“You know I would have done it in a second,” he breathed. “I wanted to walk up to every single one of those guys and tell them that you’re… that you’re…”
“Come on,” you whispered, licking your lips. “Say it.”
“Mine.”
“Don’t think I was never asked on dates at my job or at school,” you gazed at him while saying the next part. “I was, numerous times. You know what I say to them when they call me pretty? Thank you, my boyfriend thinks so too. Or when they invite me for coffee? Thanks, but Ash is already bringing me some. And when they don’t want to let it go, I say: trust me, you do not want to meet him.”
“Are you really saying those things?” he asked you, and you nodded.
“I’m also implying that I’m having the best sex of my life, and I don’t plan on giving up on that,” you finished with a smile.
A moment later Ashton started laughing – it was his first real laugh of the night, and he hid his face, trying to stifle his giggles. It was the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard. Suddenly the night wasn’t that dark, but instead everything seemed to start to glow a little bit. It was Ashton’s smile, shining through the blacks, dark blues and grays of the night, warming up the chilling air around you, shifting everything back to your usual teasing, but loving normal, the one you’ve built up together.
“I love your smile,” you whispered when he finally looked back at you, still trying to catch his breath. “I know I’ve always told you that you should wipe that grin off of your face, but god, I’m happy you never did. I just… there are so many things I just love about you that I’ve thought I hated before. Like your snake tattoo, or your loud car and obnoxious sunglasses… your terrible jokes and sexual innuendos, and how you never fail to say them at the worst times… I love your stupid red hair, and…”
“My hair is not stupid,” Ash mumbled, a smile still playing at the corner of his mouth.
“No,” you shook your head, reaching once again for him to brush your fingers through his red locks. “No, it’s not.”
Ash nuzzled closer, closing his eyes for a moment to enjoy the caresses and light tugs on his hair, making a small noise that almost sounded like purring. He turned his head, brushing his lips against your wrist as you wrapped a curl around your finger, pushing it behind his ear, stroking your hand down his cheek and jaw. Hazel eyes followed the movement of your fingers until you ran your thumb over his chin, and his gaze finally found yours.
“Can I kiss you?” you asked him softly, pulling back a little to see his face.
“Are you asking for permission?” there was another small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, and a slight blush coloured his cheeks.
“Just checking if you are in the right headspace,” you returned his smile, and he nodded shortly.
“I would love that.”
Without a second thought you leaned forward, one of your hands sliding up the back of his neck and into his hair, the other one cradling his jaw, tilting his head a little to the side. His breath was hot on your face as you moved closer, cheeks and noses brushing, lips slowly pressing against each other – one soft, the other slightly chapped. You kissed his bottom lip, moving to the top, nuzzling closer and closer, until he opened his mouth and let you kiss him deeper, brushing his tongue against yours as you both tasted the other. Ash made a needy little sound as you nipped on his lips and kissed his chin, his jaw, brushing against his cheek as you nudged your nose against the soft skin behind his ear.
“I chose you, Ashton. I’ve been choosing you every single day since that night on the beach, and I’ll do it as long as you let me. I’m freakin’ in love with you if that hasn't been clear before,” you breathed softly, kissing the shell of his ear. “You’ve been on my mind for the last 8 years, and if that’s not love, then you have to find a better word for me, because I’m failing here, and you know I’m good with words. But you just have this effect on you where I completely lose my sanity, and I would gladly give up on it forever, if it meant I get to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Ash reached for you and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you out of your chair, and sitting you on his lap. His hand rested on your thigh, keeping you close to his body, as his fingers ran through your hair, guiding your face to his again. It was his turn to kiss you, and he started with the softest of touches, just to feel each other’s breath on your lips, the warmness of the other’s skin, the shiver running through you when you’ve finally lost your patience. Noses and lips pushed together, and he kissed you deeply, tongue brushing against yours as you were holding onto his shoulders. His scent clouded your mind, his touch burnt your skin, and you never wanted this moment to end.
“I love you,” Ash pulled away just enough to brush his lips against yours as he spoke. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
You pressed another kiss on his temple, cuddling closer in his lap to feel as much of his skin as you could. His arms wrapped around you more strongly, and he rested his head on your shoulder, pushing his face into your neck. For a few minutes you’ve stayed like this – slow caresses on waists and backs, fingers brushing over hair and tattoos, lips leaving small kisses wherever they could.
“Come on,” you ran your thumb over Ashton’s cheek. “I think it’s time we go back to bed.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to keep you away from your studying,” he started apologizing, but you shook your head, smiling at him.
“Screw exams. You’ll always be my first priority,” you tugged a little on his hair, tilting his head up towards you. “How does that sound to you?”
“Like something I’ve always wanted from you,” Ash returned your smile, then reached for your hand to kiss your knuckles. “Thank you, beautiful.”
You climbed down from his lap and reached for him to pull him up from the chair. You made our way back to the bedroom where the sheets were freshly changed and the pillows fluffed up just as Ashton liked it. He hesitated for a moment – the nightmare was still fresh in his mind, and even after you’ve talked through everything, he was still a little bit shaken from it.
“It’s alright,” you leaned against his side, pressing a kiss on the tattoo on his arm. “I’m here now.”
“I’m– scared to fall back to sleep,” he admitted, then sighed deeply. “It’s stupid, I know.”
“No, Ash. It’s perfectly normal,” you pushed yourself up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Don’t ever feel ashamed, especially not because of your dreams. You’re human, it’s okay to fall sometimes. I’ll always be here to pick you up.”
“How did I get so lucky?” he turned to you, gathering you in his arms for a hug, resting his head on top of yours.
“Must have been that lucky charm of yours,” you answered with a smile, feeling the ring resting between your bodies.
“You are my lucky charm,” Ashton whispered, brushing the hair back from your face.
“Well, then you should definitely hold onto me.”
He huffed at you with a smile, shaking his head. You pulled him down on the bed, both of you getting comfortable under the blankets – Ash scooted as close to you as he could, nuzzling his face between your head and shoulder. You wrapped your arms around him, letting him rest his weight on you, running your fingers through his hair.
“You smell so good,” he mumbled against your skin, pushing his nose to your pulse point. “Am I not too heavy?”
“You’re perfect where you are,” you continued brushing your fingers over his curls, skimming them over the back of his neck, down his shoulders, then back up again. “How are you feeling?”
“Like maybe I will be able to fall asleep,” he breathed, then reached for the ring hanging from your neck. “Is it okay if I stay like this?”
“Your peace of mind is worth every numb limb and hours spent awake,” you kissed his forehead, then the hand holding onto the ring. “You would do the same for me. And just so you know, you make an excellent pillow.”
“You too,” he closed his eyes, resting his hand back on your side, cuddling close. “Will you… will you hold my hand? Please?”
Without another word you slid your fingers against his, interlocking them. He squeezed your hand in return, letting out one last sigh as he slowly let go of all the tension that kept him awake. His body melted against yours, muscles relaxing as his breathing evened out, and in a few minutes all you could feel was his light snoring tickling your neck. You brushed your fingers through his hair again, pressing one last goodnight kiss on his forehead before resting back against your pillows.
Ashton slept soundly in your arms, head resting on your shoulder, arm thrown over your waist, fingers interlocked on the bed. He fit perfectly against you, his weight all the comfort you needed in your life. You would have stayed up all night just to make sure he had no more nightmares, but his soft sleepy sounds slowly lulled you to sleep too. The last thing you remembered was his lips brushing against your neck as he shuffled in his sleep, and you fell asleep with a smile on your face. You knew for sure he was your forever – and you planned on reminding him of that every single day for the rest of your lives. Even if it meant chasing away his nightmares every night. Because he was worth it.
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dndspellgifs · 7 months
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look, I know I've talked about this essay (?) before but like,
If you ever needed a good demonstration of the quote "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic", have I got an exercise for you.
Somebody made a small article explaining the basics of atomic theory but it's written in Anglish. Anglish is basically a made-up version of English where they remove any elements (words, prefixes, etc) that were originally borrowed from romance languages like french and latin, as well as greek and other foreign loanwords, keeping only those of germanic origin.
What happens is an english which is for the most part intelligible, but since a lot everyday english, and especially the scientific vocabulary, has has heavy latin and greek influence, they have to make up new words from the existing germanic-english vocabulary. For me it kind of reads super viking-ey.
Anyway when you read this article on atomic theory, in Anglish called Uncleftish Beholding, you get this text which kind of reads like a fantasy novel. Like in my mind it feels like it recontextualizes advanced scientific concepts to explain it to a viking audience from ancient times.
Even though you're familiar with the scientific ideas, because it bypasses the normal language we use for these concepts, you get a chance to examine these ideas as if you were a visitor from another civilization - and guess what, it does feel like it's about magic. It has a mythical quality to it, like it feels like a book about magic written during viking times. For me this has the same vibe as reading deep magic lore from a Robert Jordan book.
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let-them-fight · 4 months
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can we stop doing this trope
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bigboobyhalo · 7 months
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the anger inside of me
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randomgooberness · 2 years
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Whole-heartedly BEGGING writers to unlearn everything schools taught you about how long a paragraph is. If theres a new subject, INCLUDING ACTIONS, theres a new paragraph. A paragraph can be a single word too btw stop making things unreadable
EDIT: hey if youre here at the source of this post please read my webcomic, @killcount ! I post twice a week and I’ve been working on it for almost 5 years. Please check it out- as I want it to be my lifes work and I want to get away from my awful job and do my real passion for a living. Thank you
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marzipanandminutiae · 10 months
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quotes by Victorians about the 1920s view of their generation's women
"We are frequently told that the Victorian woman...generally behaved like a pampered and neurotic infant. This is all moonshine. I do not think that I ever saw a woman faint before I came to London in 1869, and not often after then...they enjoyed a hearty laugh, and a good many of them a contest of wits with any man." -Nineteenth Century, a Monthly Review, 1927 (written by a man born in 1850)
"What queer ideas the girl of 1929 has about the Victorian period- they are not a bit true...Marriage was by no means the end and aim of our existence. Oxford and Cambridge claimed quite a few of us after school days were over. We had great ideas about 'life' and what it all might mean to us." -St. Petersburg Times, 1929 (written by a woman born in 1853)
"True, debutantes were chaperoned at balls. But that fact did not prevent them from dancing as frequently as they chose with their favorite partners. The idea that girls in the Victorian era spent their days sewing seams and practicing scales is another fallacy." -Gettysburg Times, July 1, 1927 (quote from the Dowager Lady Raglan, Ethel Jemima Somerset, who lived from 1857 to 1940)
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kithj · 7 months
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happy friday the 13th here are some spooky text-based games for halloween:
contrition - As a priest, it’s your job to listen to your parishioners’ darkest secrets and absolve their guilt. But when a sinister stranger comes to the confessional one Halloween night, you realize it’s your soul on the line.
familiar - You are a familiar. Your mistress has some requests for you. Help her complete her ritual, or pay the price of failure.
jagged bone - A branching choose-your-own-adventure horror game about transformation and perspective. 
the forest of candles (and the man with a lighter) - follows Maggie, a young woman with a fear of forest fires sparked by an old town folk tale. She's spent years trying to escape her hometown and the fear it inspires in her, only to be called back for the funeral of an old friend.
mary's hare - Mary's Hare is short interactive horror story about a woman and a rabbit, based on the story of Mary Toft.
only this - "And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming / And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor..."
what girls do in the dark - a slumber party text adventure.
god is in the radio - you are death, one of 22 members of the major arcana, a cult dedicated to some far-off god. the night is halloween, and you watch in scorn as the unknowing dance among devils and dress to indulge in sin. the high priestess receives a message from the all-mighty himself: the arcana must gather in an abandoned house and find his song on an old radio receiver.
anchorhead - Travel to the haunted coastal town of Anchorhead, Massachusetts and uncover the roots of a horrific conspiracy inspired by the works of H. P. Lovecraft. Search through musty archives and tomes of esoteric lore; dodge hostile townsfolk; combat a generation-spanning evil that threatens your family and the entire world. (illustrated version on itch.io)
my father's long, long legs - An interactive horror story about family, unease, and loss.
beneath floes - Qikiqtaaluk, 1962. The sun falls below the horizon and won't return for months. You wander the broken shoreline, wary of your mother's stories about the qalupalik. Fish woman, stealer of wayward children: she dwells beneath the ice.
the silence under your bed - An interactive horror collection about the strange, the spooky, and the macabre. 
bogeyman - You can go home when you learn to be good.
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nonasuch · 1 year
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here is a concept: time travel cop, fish & wildlife division
most of their job is dealing with the kinds of assholes who think black market tiger cubs are a great idea right up until someone gets mauled, except these are even bigger assholes with black market Smilodon cubs that they are even less equipped to care for
this is the most straightforward and therefore relatively headache-free part of their job, because it’s the same “put that thing back where it came from or so help me” song and dance every time
it’s also significantly less depressing than the trophy hunters who don’t even want an alive extinct animal. those are extra annoying because you have to undo the time travel that let them kill that poor Megatherium or thylacine or anklyosaur or whatever, and it’s always so much extra paperwork.
and those people suck, definitely, and have fully earned a stint in Time Jail. no question. but they still do not create anywhere near as much work as the obsessive hobbyists with their exhaustively careful best practices and worryingly good track-covering. also, weirdly, it’s almost always birds with them?
like. the guys who will flagrantly abuse Time Law to bird-nap breeding pairs just long enough to raise one clutch of eggs apiece, and return them seamlessly to their spots on the timeline. who are so determined to keep their pet (ha) projects going that no one even realizes what they’re doing until they have an entire stable breeding population of passenger pigeons up and running. who are now the reason that reps from six different zoos are about to start throwing hands right in front of you over who gets dibs.
those guys cause the most paperwork. and half the time they’re snapped up by the same zoo or wildlife preserve that gets their colony of ivory-billed woodpeckers or Carolina parakeets or — once, very memorably — giant fucking South Island moa, and they never even spend a day in Time Jail.
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amelia-yap · 14 days
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warrior
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egophiliac · 5 months
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C'MON TO THE THEATER!
I love these guys so much. forget NRC, I want to attend their terrible disaster school for disaster children that might actually be plastered on top of the smoking remains of an actively sinking ship. I may or may not actually learn anything, but I will have the time of my life.
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mjulmjul · 1 year
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Katya / Goncharov
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👉👈 Would you be up to do a small blurb with the topic 'post-tour reunion' using the phrase "look at me".
The genre is totally up to you. 😊
♾️❤
We shall close(?) the year with an absolutely filthy Ashton piece, don’t you think so? 😜 I had the general idea for this fic, but today I was listening to Take Me To Church and all sane thoughts went down the drain.
masterlist. | want to be added to my taglist? | Christmas Blurb Fest 2022 / I want a blurb too!
worship. [a post-tour reunion blurb]
warnings: oral sex (fem receiving). dom(ish)!Ashton. mutual teasing. the overuse of the words fuck and fucking. sex in an established relationship. some deeply intimate and filthy moments between those two.
word count: 1024
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“Look at me.”
You moaned at the words, back arching before sagging back against the mirror, eyes slowly opening as you finally looked at your boyfriend.
Ashton was down on his knees in front of you, lips pressing messy kisses to your inner thighs, so close to where you needed him the most, where you craved his sinful mouth as he worked you towards your ecstasy.
“Good girl,” his voice was low and raspy, tongue licking at the apex of your thigh before moving lower, running it between your pussy lips. “Good fucking girl.”
He mumbled his praise on your skin, words muffled as his tongue lapped your clit, circling it with the tip to drive you crazy. Your thighs shook at the pleasure, involuntarily closing around Ashton’s head, your fingers diving into his soft, unruly curls to keep him there and push him away at the same time. He moaned as you tugged on his hair, arms curling around your legs to push them up onto the counter, spreading you out like a feast he’s been hungry for for months.
You didn’t expect him to show up tonight, you thought he might be exhausted now that tour has ended, but when you sent him a goodnight text he was already knocking on your door, bags kicked into your apartment as he picked you up, kissing you senseless. His beanie and glasses soon landed on the couch while you tried to tug off his jacket, desperate to feel his skin on yours after the months spent apart.
The next thing you remembered was Ashton stumbling into the bathroom with you, putting you up on the counter as he kicked off his shoes and pulled off his shirt, dropping to his knees, long fingers curling into the waist of your sleep shorts. Now those were all lying in a heap on the bathroom floor while Ashton worshipped your pussy with his lips and tongue, thumb teasingly slipping into your entrance, a promise of what the night still held for you.
“Ash– fuck!” your voice turned high-pitched, your feet almost slipping off the edge of the counter as your orgasm shook you, fingers pulling on his curly mullet to hold onto something. Ashton growled at your noises, hands holding onto your ankles to keep you in place as his tongue picked up the pace, all but burying his face into you as he worked you through your climax.
“Sensitive…” you finally sighed, falling back against the cool surface of the mirror as you softly pushed him away. Ashton’s grip on you loosened before pulling back, sitting back on his legs on the floor, panting as he looked up at you.
He looked wrecked. His hair was dishevelled, pupils wide and dark, his cheeks and lips red from how hot he felt and how he ate you out, and if that wasn’t enough, his chin was covered in your arousal. Ashton ran his thumb over his chin, collecting your wetness and licking off your juices while keeping eye-contact, smacking his lips at the taste. You needed to moan at how filthy he looked, and he was on his feet in a second, pulling you to his sweaty chest, tongue licking into your mouth as he kissed you.
“Fucking missed you, Y/N,” his hands grabbed into your ass cheeks, hips pushing forward to rub his hard cock trapped in his jeans against your sensitive flesh.
“Missed you too, so much,” you sucked the soft skin of his neck, wanting to leave a mark now that tour was over, your hands slipping between your bodies and fumbling with his zipper. “Need you to fuck me. It’s been too long.”
“Too fucking long,” Ash agreed, his words turning into a groan as your hand wrapped around his dick, already stroking him up and down. “Yeah, fuck, just like that.”
Hot puffs of air tickled your skin where he buried his face in your neck, hips thrusting forward as he fucked into your fist, soft whines leaving Ashton’s throat whenever you rubbed over the sensitive spot just under the tip of his cock. His fingers trailed down your stomach and between your legs, probing your hole and thumbing at your clit, both of you trying to edge the other just a little more before you couldn’t take the teasing any more.
It was Ashton who lost his patience first, pushing your hand away from his cock before grabbing it himself, teasing the tip between your folds, slowly nudging it inside before he buried his whole length into you with one smooth thrust. You sighed against his ear with a little pleasure filled noise, arms curling around his waist to keep him close, fingers digging into the dimples on his back. He pulled you as close as possible, softly playing with your hair as his nose skimmed over your cheek, lips leaving kisses on your temple and your eyebrow, the corner of your eye and bow of your upper lip, his tongue pushing against yours as he finally kissed you.
“My fucking goddess,” his fingers grabbed your thighs as he pulled them around his waist, your ankles locked behind his back. “I missed your beautiful body. I missed fucking you.”
“Please, Ash, move!” you knew you were begging him, but you didn’t care anymore – you just needed your boyfriend and to feel him everywhere. “Just… fuck me good.”
His dick twitched at your words, and your pussy clenched around him in return, both of your bodies on edge, craving each other like there was no tomorrow, like the world would end if you didn’t have each other right then and now. You swallowed hard as his thumb softly brushed over your throat, tipping your chin up, lips plush against yours as he kissed you tenderly, mumbling on your skin.
“Look at me,” he repeated, voice husky and slightly trembling, and you opened your eyes just as he pulled his hips back and fucked his cock into you again, eyes dark and full of lust. “And don’t you dare look away until the only thing you can say or think is my name.”
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@mymindwide @fuckyeah5sostakemehome @suchalonelysunflower @talkfastromance4 @ashtonsunflower @in-superbloom @wiiildflowerrr @lovelywordsblog @heyitskelseaj
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faerie-fang · 8 months
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the winter king is sooo tumblr sexyman yes but can we talk about the candy queen being the best representation of your average tumblr user with Blorbo Disease — her fucking song???? “AND SO IM GONNA PUT YOU INTO A BLENDER WITH MEE, SET THE OVEN TO THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DEGREEES” nooo one understands love/obsession except for her and all of us
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notsogreatdion · 24 days
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✶ INTERACTIVE FICTION RECS ✶
✶ Project Hadea - @nyehilismwriting (wip)
✶ The Exile - @exilethegame (wip)
✶ Vendetta - @vendetta-if (wip)
✶ When Twilight Strikes - @evertidings (wip)
✶ The Northern Passage - @northern-passage (wip)
✶ Merry Crisis - @merrycrisis-if (wip)
✶ Diaspora - @diasporatheblog (wip)
✶ Infamous - @infamous-if (wip)
✶ Fields of Asphodel - @chrysanthemumgames (wip)
✶ Eyes of Shan - @eyesofshan-if (wip)
✶ A Comedy of Manors - @sviyaginthegreat (wip)
✶ Wolf Set Free - @wolfsetfree-if (wip)
✶ Honor Amongst Thieves - @leoneliterary (wip)
✶ Thicker Than - @barbwritesstuff (wip)
✶ Soulmates Inc. - @soulmatesinc-if (wip)
✶ Crown of Ashes and Flames - @coeluvr (wip)
✶ Virtue's End - @virtues-end (wip)
✶ You Live and Fern - @beetlebethwrites (wip)
✶ Attollo - @attollogame (wip)
✶ Wayfarer - @idrellegames (wip)
✶ The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - An affair of the heart - @doriana-gray-games (wip)
✶ Superstitions 1, 2 - @13leaguestories
✶ Seven Days in Purgatory (I don't think this one is ever getting finished, but it has a special place in my heart)
⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ✶
VN'S
✶ A Date with Death - @twoandahalfstudios
✶ 14 Days With You - @14dayswithyou (wip)
✶ Blooming Panic - @robobarbie
✶ ERROR143
✶ The Good People - @moiraimyths (wip)
✶ Our Life: Beginnings & Always - @gb-patch
✶ Our Life: Now & Forever - @gb-patch (wip)
⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ✶
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anaugust · 7 months
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The game's name is lesbianism and I'm loosing.
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yeoldenews · 4 months
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Hi I was wondering if you know of any good resources to get good vintage names that aren’t typical and boring (Fred, Edward, Alfred etc)?
Some of the names in the Santa letters are certainly peculiar and it made me wonder what kind of names those “vintage baby names” lists are leaving out 😜
Thanks! And happy new year 🎊
One place to get a good general overview of what names were like in a certain era is the Social Security Administration's lists of popular names that go back to the 1880s. The further down the lists you go the less common they get. However these are still all names that had at least a few hundred occurrences, so you're not going to have any Gloyds etc..
I personally always try to find names from primary sources (newspapers, census, vital records, etc.) as you're more likely to come across unusual names that don't make the top 200 lists.
Also keep in mind that name popularity varied greatly by location. Just because there were a bunch of Juanitas in Tulsa in 1930 doesn't mean there were that many in Boston.
Honestly if anyone is working on a specific project and needs names from a certain location/era (i.e. you're writing a novel that takes place in London in 1627) feel free to message me and I'd be happy to work with you to compile a list from primary sources. I love this stuff and will use any valid excuse to spend an evening digging through 17th century baptismal records.
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