#fam can be very toxic and complicated

[megandzane]

Don't apologize for your "rants". I can't wait to get to where I need to be to get away from family. I swear it's weird how much emotional voyeurism people have for others with messed up family relations. I also understand you feeling comforted by Meghan's relationship with her father. Emotional/mental abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. I hope you are doing better during this time.

Thanks you so much.

Families can be very complicated. And so many people just are quick to make judgements, including many fans.

I think some of that representation I feel is equally just feeling protective. I know what it’s like to be called “ cold “ or told to forgive those who have repeatedly hurt me. Yeah it’s def issues I’m working on with a therapist, but regardless of Meghan nobody should be judged for their family situation

#def also relate to wanting to get where I need to get away from fam #fam can be very toxic and complicated #there’s been times I’ve had to suck it up and move home bc cost of living and I’m disabled

[yourbuerokrat2]

AU where Aaravos and Mage Fam (Claudia, Sir Sparklepuff, Terry and Viren) have a weird, toxic but strangely functional and if one were to leave out a few aspects of it almost 'wholesome' found and biological family dynamic after Aaravos is free and decides to keep them around.

Claudia is the happiest with this arrangement. 'Humanitys benefactor' is free, she has a cute homonculus half-brother, Terry and her are together and her father is alive and well. Even if Viren seems to be (momentarily as Aaravos insists) talking nonsense about how dark magic and Aaravos are bad for her.

Terry is not really sure what exactly is going on here, but Claudia keeps telling him how everything is perfect now. Claudia is happy, Viren is.. doing fine and Sparklepuff seems to be happy as well. He is not sure he likes this Aaravos guy but so far he has been nothing but helpful and beneficial. Besides, he has never felt so utterly accepted for who and what he is in his life.

Aaravos blames his admittedly long (not all that long if you consider how old he is then again if one were to look a human up with no outside connection or communication or stimulus he is sure to them a week would seem endless) time in isolation for the almost sentimental mood. He has had quite a few relations with quite a few people, especially humans, during his life time but never anything resembling what could be callled a 'family'. It could certainly provide to be a welcome distraction (and source of comfort after the years of loneliness but he would be damned again before honestly admitting that) and the apparent family of doing 'whatever it takes no matter how dangerous, no matter how vile' is not only something useful but also something that fits his own philosophy quite well. Besides, he has taken a liking to Virens reaction each time the.. relation between the two of them have been brought up.

Although Aaravos view on family would to anyone else be seen as more than a bit off and alarming considering how willing he was to have a being made partly with his own blood be sacrificed for a higher purpose.

Viren is the only one to openly see and understand how messed up their situation has become but no one really seems to understand. And each time he tries to do anything about it, Aaravos always comes up with a smile on his face. And now that the Elf is free things between the two of them have become even more.. complicated. Viren has no power in this dynamic and he knows it.

Sir Sparklepuff, blissfully ignorant of one of his 'fathers' being willing to sacrifice him at the turn of a hand, is just happy to be part of this. Claudia likes, him, Terry likes him, Viren likes him and Aaravos is amused by his very existence.

And all Viren can do as his daughter happily talks with Aaravos about what could end up being the end of Xadia as they knew it ('Oh, don't be so bleak about it, Viren. Don't you remember about how we used to talk about this and how you yourself called it 'a bright future for humanity'?' 'Yes, Dad, isn't this exactly what you always wanted?') with an Elf he knew he should keep at more of a distance than he was currently letting him (That sounds so great, Step-Dad. Oh, I am sorry. Can I call you step-dad' And Aaravos, that bastard, had just turned around, smiled at Viren in a way that made Viren like all of this was just some kind of game for Aaravos 'Sure, why not?')

#viravos #terry the dragon prince #claudia the dragon prince #viren the dragon prince #aaravos #whoever wants to change something or use this AU #feel free #it is both toxic and wholesome #depending from whose view you look at it #Mage Fam 2.0 out to to destroy and reshape Xadia

[jsewilsns]

✦ ᴅᴀᴄʀᴇ ᴍᴏɴᴛɢᴏᴍᴇʀʏ, ᴄɪs ᴍᴀʟᴇ, ʜᴇ/ʜɪᴍ ✦ 𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐍 the 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 year old has been in Hidehill for 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 and was a 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 to Jade Parker, the missing person . Whispers on the streets are that the 𝐅𝐈𝐆 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐃 & 𝐂𝐎𝐁𝐑𝐀’𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐗𝐈 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑 who lives in 𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐘 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊. He is said to be 𝐃𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 and 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐁𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐍 but I guess we’ll find out for ourselves. { ɴᴏᴠᴀ, ᴛʜɪʀᴛʏ, ᴀsᴛ, sʜᴇ/ʜᴇʀ. }

hey demons it’s ya gorl nova, coming in hot with this rootin tootin doozy of a dude!!  jesse’s a long time muse of mine that i’ve neglected for far too long, so i’m super stoked to get behind the wheel again and begin writing with all of you!  feel free to hmu if you’d like to plot, or give this post a like and i’ll hop into your ims xo

———— ◽️ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒

full name.    jesse eugene wilson

nickname.    jess

birthdate.    october 22nd  ( scorpio )

gender.    cis male  ( he / him )

sexuality.    straight

relationship.    complicated

familia.    wayne wilson  ( dad, deceased ) ,  rachel wilson nee baker ( mom, in jail ) ,  judith baker ( g-ma, bingo hustler ) ,  wanye jr. ( older brother, estranged ) ,  jocelyn ( older sister, manager of the playpen ) ,  maisie ( younger sister, college out of state ) ,  blake ( younger brother, high school student )

occupation.    driver for cobra’s taxi & lifeguard at fig beach

traits.    boisterous, combative, dauntless, eccentric, evasive, loyal, protective, reckless, stubborn, volatile

inspiration.    jason stackhouse ( true blood ) ,  jj maybank ( outer banks ) ,  lip gallagher ( shameless )

———— ◽️ 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐏

the wilsons have a reputation of being a wild bunch, very loosely based on the family dynamics of the gallaghers (shameless) and fez's fam (euphoria). raised in hadley park, they definitely weren’t financially well off and were notorious for having the cops show up at their trailer.

their dad, wayne, was an obnoxious and sometimes violent drunk, so he was in and out of custody a lot, while their poor mom worked tooth and nail to keep their family afloat but was understandably spread incredibly thin, so .... she had a pretty short fuse when it came to being patient with the kids. 

TW: death, murder.  long story short, their mom finally cracked after enduring all she could and shot their good for nothing, abusive dad point blank. this resulted in rachel serving life behind bars for the last ten years, which left the kids to be raised by their maternal grandma, judith.

in total, there are five siblings; three brothers, and two sisters. the first (wayne jr.) married into a rich family abroad, took his wife's last name and skipped out on them, embarrassed to even be associated with his own blood. the fourth (maisie) has been attending college out of state, which is a huge deal in their family, but she periodically visits during holidays and breaks. the fifth (blake) is in high school and he still lives with their grandma.

jesse was a troublemaker growing up and lowkey still is pretty rowdy. as a kid, he got into all kinds of shit and pressed every button he knew to set off a reaction in his parents, most likely just looking for attention. as a teen, it only got worse, especially when he tried to intervene whenever his parents got into physical altercations. multiple suspensions from school for getting into fights, abusing whatever he could get into his body at parties (which usually also ended up in a fight), and disregarding any sort of curfew or rules set at home. he simply did not give a fuck.

his mom’s breakdown and dad’s death shook him up a bit. he was used to the chaos in the wilson household, figured it was normal; that every home was toxic in one way or another. but he never imagined something so tragic would be a result of it. he visits his mom when he can get the time off work and make the trip to the state prison, more so out of obligation and guilt than him actually wanting to see her.

while packing up and leaving hidehill in the dust is a tempting ideal, jesse feels his legacy is in his hometown. his family, the trailer park, the community of hidehill in general is important to him. if you asked him, though, he’d never admit to it. in fact, he’d call it a shithole, like the rest of them. 

———— ◽️ 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒

played football in high school just to be able to tackle and get into fights with rival teams. also played guitar in a garage band. they disbanded soon after graduating though, barely having time to practice once they started working or studying in college, etc. but jesse still occasionally shreds some wicked solos on his old electric guitar when the mood hits.

pretty big fan of motorized toys. drives a red 1984 ford bronco, which he regularly hotboxes when he’s not working. also has his dad’s old dirt bike in his possession, which he rips around on the outskirts of town. 

one of the best drivers employed with cobra’s taxi because of the small amount of time it takes him to whip around hidehill’s streets. however, he’s known to be a little unhinged behind the wheel, so he gets mixed reviews.

the main reason he signed up to be a lifeguard was to get paid to chill at the beach lmao. but he’s like a fish out of water and quick to pull a baywatch run when needed.

because of the past abuse / trauma within the family, he has reoccurring night terrors, cold sweats, the whole shebang. potentially suffering from undiagnosed ptsd, and he thinks he does well to keep it under wraps with his boyish charm, but boy’s got some ugly anger issues.

frequents big guns, fast gas, dave’s liquor store, late night slice, and the playpen. definitely favors the nightlife hidehill has to offer.

smokes like a chimney, if that wasn’t already obvious lmao. tobacco or weed, he doesn’t discriminate.

wanted connections: a best frenemy, childhood friends / enemies, former bandmates, workout buddies, party buddies, cousins / aunts / uncles, ride or die, partner in crime, former flings / hook ups, good influences, bad influences, regular taxi customers, open to anything!

#hidehillintro #death tw #abuse tw

[sword-and-quill]

Our Hands

Content warning for toxic fam + mild body horror (purely cerebral, no physical harm)

A little flashback of Victoria’s

“Hold out your hands like this.”

Victoria obediently stepped up onto the stool right in front of the sink and wiggled her dirt-crusted fingers under the tap. She was still too small to reach it on her own, too careless to wash to her Grandmother’s exacting standards. After she was in position, Grandmother’s arms circled around her and began to vigorously, thoroughly scrub her with a loofah. “When we’re done, can I go back outside?” She bounced impatiently on her tiptoes, peering at the suds washing down the drain.

“So you can get dirty again?” Grandmother’s sweet voice didn’t change, but Victoria felt a strange flutter in her stomach.

“No ma’am.” Her skin grew pink under the warm water and persistent scrubbing, stinging gently with each additional pass of the loofah. She tried not to notice the growing sensitivity, focusing on the soapy water and the way its rising steam breathed whorls and clouds onto the metal faucet.

“Children never appreciate what they have. This is how I know the gods have a sense of humor - they give their best gifts to the ones who can’t do anything but ruin them. Look at your beautiful skin!” Grandmother tossed the loofah into the water, lifting Victoria’s hand up and then holding out her own beside it, comparing the two. “See the freckles on mine? The liver spots? The way my veins stand out, instead of staying where they belong?” She turned her hand over one way and then the other, pointing out every tiny blemish and scar accumulated from the simple acts of living. “If I had your hands again, I’d take care of them. You’d never see me grubbing in the dirt. I’d wear ivory lace and leave everything physical to someone else.”

Even though the differences were visible to the young girl, it perplexed her. “Grandma,” She said in a small voice, reaching over to take the elder woman’s hand in hers. “I think you have very nice hands.” Grandmother grimaced in the mirror, looking away, but she continued. “Your nails look like they match your pearls.” Victoria pointed out, touching the manicured tips with reverence. Not at all like her fingernails, with the dirt under them. She also wore intricate rings and circled her wrists with precious bracelets that dangled and sparkled in any light. Grandmother’s hands were like grandmother’s house: old, but so very pretty and jealously guarded.

Victoria watched her face in the mirror, seeing her scowl melt and merge into something more complex and complicated. The nuance was impossible for her to understand, being so young. Grandmother was so unhappy about something, she just wished she knew why it bothered her so much. Without a warning, her icy demeanor suddenly melted and she turned back with a small smile. “You are such a sweet little girl. Do you really like them?” Eager to help her feel better, Victoria nodded vigorously. Grandmother laughed, shaking the water and her granddaughter’s touch away. “I tell you what! When I die, you can have my hands. I’ll put it in my will. How about that? We can trade. Would you like that?”

That confused her more than ever, but Grandmother was beaming down at her so happily that she couldn’t help but beam back. She did it! She cheered her up! So even though she really liked her own hands, dirt and all, she nodded. Watching how Grandmother doubled over with laughter infused a warm, proud glow in her chest. Maybe she did get a little too dirty, but at least Grandmother was smiling again.

Every so often after that, Grandma made a show of checking Victoria’s hands, smiling so widely her eyes crinkled up in the edges. After deeming them sufficient (or criticizing her for an imperfect manicure), she’d hold out her own hands, point out every little flaw and wrinkle, and then laugh and laugh and laugh, imagining their macabre posthumous trade.

The discomfort crept inside of her year by year. Try as she might, she could never quite find the humour in there. Her imagination ripened with possibilities as she tried to work out exactly how Grandmother meant to do it. Would she have to be close when she died? Would they keep her on ice? Would… would they have to cut off… both of their arms to do it? That seemed only logical, except that Grandmother would be dead and buried with Victoria’s long, lithe arms and she would never be able to lift them or use them. On the flip side, Victoria would have to live with the arthritic arms of a dead woman - and it would hurt. In school, they taught her about phantom limb syndrome and her fingers twitched, wondering if she would forever feel their loss.

When her grandmother died nearly fourteen years later, Victoria watched her casket descend into the cold earth, swallowing repeatedly against the metallic lump in her throat. Though the silence around her was only interrupted by people’s sighs and soft murmurs, she strained her ears to listen for anyone - anyone - who might have overhead their oft-repeated pact… but no one did. Of course they didn’t.

It had been a joke. So why wasn’t it a joke at all?

She buried her face in her mom’s shoulder and bit back a bitter sob. In response, she cast a critical eye down at her, lip barely curling to speak. “Don’t embarrass me, darling.”

Victoria swallowed again, hiding her hands in her blazer pockets so she could clench them into fists, digging her perfect manicured nails into her palms. “… sorry mom.” She whispered back, angry at herself for having even tried to seek some comfort. “I’m completely tipsy right now.” Her mother scoffed and pulled away, giving her daughter the perfect cover to wipe her eyes. Let everybody think she was drunk. Drunk people weren’t expected to be perfect or hold coherent conversations. She couldn’t think of what she’d say about Grandmother even if she tried.

#I keep typing grandma when I mean grandmother and somehow missing it with find + replace #GO AWAY GRANDMA this is for a different honorific!!

[simonalkenmayer]

Hello Simon, I hope you are doing well. I wanted to ask you something since I consider you the most wisest and experienced person, and probably you already felt this way and did something productive about it. You have lived a very long time so maybe you know how to deal with those feelings. I'm 30, I'm trans, I have a good life (better than most like me at least), I have people who loves me, I have good health, I have 2 friends and a girlfriend, I have a future. And yet... I still feel like I'm desperate for finding a reason to kill myself. I think I'm not loving enough to the ones that loves me, I know I'm not good enough to actually be a good person, I'm tired of pretending I'm a good person, I'm not. I feel trapped, angry, I wish I could just give me a moment to explode, but I can't, whenever I let my true feelings out even just a little, I destroy too much, I hurt too much. I tried antidepressants, sleep all day, being complacent... nothing works. I love my family, my gf and friends... but everytime I just want to say goodbye and... die I guess, idk, I don't want to die, I wish I could just take out all my feelings and thoughts and connect intensely with whatever pure energy out there. It's been years since I don't enjoy anything authentically. I think I'm just grumpy, angry and just a toxic person in general. I care, I really do care about my fam,gf and friends but why I can't just be the perfect person they deserve? Sorry for bothering with all of this, I thought that maybe you felt like this at some point... and I know you discipline yourself to be kind and good so you might know more about this, when you just feel like you don't want to be good and just want to destroy everything for whatever reason. What you do, Simon, what you do to keep going? To have honest good feelings? I wish I could be as collected and patient as you, I wish I could have your strength, but I'm just a human and I wish to learn how to be more human from you. If you can, you don't have to if you don't want of course, but could you share some tips of how to overcome those feelings and keep going?(Sorry if my English is weird, it's not my first language, hope you still can understand)

Let me first say, I am not wise, unless it be to know that I know not much at all and am always learning. I am not a therapist. I speak only as an objective observer and as a friend, if you choose to call me that.

My friend, it sounds to me as if your mental health isn’t actually being managed effectively. It may be time to seek out other help or new medicines. Your problem may not yet even be accurately identified. I know that when the machine is not functioning correctly, however, it can be difficult to use it to analyze, so allow me to give you some rational things to hold onto.

If you were a “bad person”, you wouldn’t care what happens to anyone. You’d just be that person, without apology. When you say you want to let go and just be “bad” what I hear you saying is that you have feelings and stressors you don’t know how to express constructively. And that’s alright. That’s normal. We all have that. Even me. For you it may be even more complicated, and that is why you need to trust that logic and seek the right help.

Bad and good are not real. But destruction and construction are. I have done many destructive things in my own miseries, before I realized this. It took me a long time to recognize that when I did these things I never felt an better and nothing ever actually changed for the better. And so now, even when I am feeling huge things I cannot articulate, I try to do something constructive with them. That’s a phrase we hear often these days, but understand me when I say, I do not mean “productive” as in “be of use or you’re without purpose”. I mean what will help you grow? What is that thing? You can draw boundaries, and tell people that you need space. You can say you need a moment to cope. You can spend time researching and looking not just for coping mechanisms, but for things to learn about yourself. Turn fear and worry into actions, and let those actions build something, however big or small—a relationship, an understanding, an identity.

The truth of the matter is, death comes fast enough. You do not need to speed it up. You are here for now, and you have this time, not merely to exist and suffer at the hands of the universe, but to determine how you see things, how you think. You have a right to be who you are, and maybe that person needs to do things differently. When you are dead, you end as you were. There’s no peace, because you cease to be. You don’t get to look back and say “thank god it’s over”.

You need help, and that’s alright! That’s normal. I encourage you to seek it out wherever it lives. Don’t let people tell you who to be. Be who you are and teach that person to always learn and grow and construct who they are. The rest of the world be damned. Their ideas do not define you. And if they aren’t helping you, then don’t waste time on them.

#advice #long post

[thewillowbends]

Sometimes, while I'm perusing the D*rklina section of Ao3, I'm just like...

Why is he so nice in some of these lmao?

Look, I have issues with the way the narrative frames his actions and the way he's stupidly evil instead of sensibly calculating and cruel, but I do like his darkness. That's why I'm here, fam. That's what makes the pairing interesting to me. He is a very damaged man, and Alina is caught up in the mechanisms of his lofty ambitions, some of which are legitimately complicated and nuanced. I don't mind his corrupted revolutionary aspect, even if it was badly executed within the original story. Completely erasing that aspect of him to me is just a tacit admission the writer doesn't actually like the character to some extent when all of the bones are there, they just need better written. Part of the interesting question of his character is whether somebody who's had to fashion such cruelty as an armor and weapon can be saved. The other part is whether the world has a right to think he should be when its cruelty is what made him in the first place.

He's a character that absolutely deserved a redemption arc in canon, sure, but you definitely have to do it a certain way with a certain sense of self-awareness of the cost. It's a long, bumpy road for him. But, hell son, give me that journey. Give me that power fantasy of an untouchable citadel on the hill finally besieged and conquered by love of all things, and all of the frustrating, infuriating aspects of that. Make Alina scale those walls to get to him. Maybe she'll fall with him, maybe she'll carry them out, maybe they’ll find that balance, or maybe he'll completely overwhelm her defenses and destroy her. Anything will do. Just make it a good story, y'all.

This is basically me entering the confessional to tell you I've fully embraced the garbage can, of course. I'm rooting around in the dumpster with the other raccoons and just absolutely reveling in this toxic trash. Find me in the alleyway with my fellow shippers putting the "dark" in "D*rklina," friends.

#if people enjoy that stuff - and sometimes I do - it's fine of course #but I do read it sort of like an AU #some of which are extremely well written #but like...feed me with a rusty spoon please #it's what I deserve

[just-a-fangirl13]

Why s5 *might* be the season MacRiley happens

Okay so...Hear me out! I'm not crazy I promise!!

Firstly, after 5x03 (and probably 5x04) it may seem very unlikely that MacRiley could ever happen. But I thought of a few reasons why they might actually happen by the end of s5 after all.... (it gets a lil long winded and kinda complicated but just stick with me till the end!)

1. All the MacRiley moments including the ones in 5x03.

[this Mac smile could not be an accident or something that slipped through both production and post-production right?! that in itself is a whole reason!]

Every Macriley moment we have ever had- whether it's the hugs, Riley saving Mac, Mac saving Riley, the ultimate show of loyalty when Riley went after Mac during Codex or even just the looks exchanged between the two- to any outsider it would seem pretty obvious that they are dating or at least in love. Keep in mind the writers would have written each of those scenes and Lucas and Tristan have acted them out with a specific build up in mind aka MacRiley.(think about the date episode: Riley just got dumped but was still thinking about how Mac might be hungry. She didnt have to do that. She could have just shown up at his place..) I mean how can they write two people so perfectly in sync and so perfect for each other and not have them end up together? It would just be a waste of all that tension and slow burn. (not to mention all the hugs and glances)

2. They know we exist. 

The MacRiley fam is very active on twitter with the writers and while they were writing 5x01 they knew we were around. They know we are a huge group. They would not want to risk pissing 90% of the fandom off by not making MacRiley endgame.

[P.S.yes 5x03 was a bait and switch but if you were paying attention you would have noticed that neither Lucas not Tristan live tweeted or hyped up the episode. They knew we would probably hate it so they didnt publicise it too much! so in the future if you have doubts about the episode being a MacRiley one just check their stories or posts on twitter/intstagram]

3. Yes 5x03 happened. 

I really think it was an episode they HAD to write. Ok so after 4x13 they had 7 more episodes planned and were filming 4x20 (aka the finale) when the pandemic struck. So they have these 6 episodes but no finale for it. [Idk if anyone else has noticed but in 5x01 there were clearly some parts cut out. For example the conversation between Desi and Riley towards the end seemed a bit jilted. Riley asking Desi to forgive her but Desi replied with yeah we are cool (still no apology ofc) I feel like something happened during that which ended up getting cut out so it could fit with the final story.]

This makes me think that they have rewritten a few bits to tie into the new finale episode. In 5x03 when Mac asked Desi to come fishing with him which was clearly something very personal to him she was like no do better.. then we see Mac's disappointed expression. She could have easily said okay but maybe not for our first date? Or its not really my thing? Or just about anything else rather than laughing in his face like that. Eventhough MD is together they still arent compatible. Mac’s final words in 5x03 was him being desperate. I truly think he is so broken and lost that Desi is the only safe thing left, the only thing he feels like he can fix right now. Once he finds himself again and heals...then it's going to hit him like a pile of bricks!!

4. But Riley doesn't have feelings anymore...WELL doesnt she? 

When it comes to Mac, Riley is always in denial. We saw it in s4 when she tells Bozer not to make her say it. I think s5 will show her finally accepting it. Finally accepting that she is in love with her best friend and that it definitely isnt Codex adrenaline because she caught the feels when Codex wasnt even around. While Mac's arc would include realising he and Desi are never going to work and that he is unhappy and that RILEY is the one for him.

[why else would they give Riley feelings for Mac? Something has to come of it.]

5. The slow burn rule.[this point is a lil complicated] 

Now season 5 is rumoured to have 13 episodes. So here’s what I think: If MacGyver follows the pattern that most shows do when it comes to slow burns, then technically MacRIley should have happened at the end of season 4. But since the season got cut short and they didnt get to air/finish their final episode the writers had to improvise. 

From what I know, 4x19 which is 5x04 for us is the episode where Mac meets Desi’s parents and 4x20 was supposed to be the finale that was left unfinished.(they are definitely moving the timeline ahead if a pre finale episode is suddenly a mid season one.) There might have been a 4x21 or 4x22 but I haven't heard anything about those....EVER.

So what I think they have decided to do instead is extend the MD storyline a bit longer just so they dont end up scrapping all their s4 episodes where they would be together and write a new finale that ties everything together, aka MacRiley.

If you think about episode counts, s4 and s5 together would have 26 episodes which is a how long a normal season runs. Basically what im trying to say is if we follow the ‘slow burns end by s4’ and take season 5 as an extension of 4 then MacRiley should get together in the season 5 finale or maybe the episode just before. (IM REALLY TRYING TO GET SOME LOGIC INTO THIS)

This would be a typical TV thing too where the couple finds out about each other’s feelings while the main arc of the show is also at its peak, which perfectly sets up a future season where fans are hyped but still has a satisfying ending.

6. So what about MacDesi?

So far the macgyver writers have given us characters we love. Think of every character on the show apart from maybe Desi... Mac, Riley, Bozer, Jack, Matty, Leanna, Samantha, Russ and even Murdoc. WE LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. So then why is Desi such a strange character? I think shes purposely been written as an opposite to Mac or even Riley (I get she’s supposed to kinda replace Jack but Jack is really irreplaceable). 

It's not necessarily a bad thing its just not a great thing to do or have great execution. People have said things like Desi is a badass and shouldnt have to apologise or say I love you back to her boyfriend because she is a strong woman...I'm sorry but your opinion of who a strong woman is, is EXTREMELY skewed. A strong woman is someone who can make mistakes and when she does, she is ‘strong’ enough to own up to it, she is loyal and fierce and also caring while being a badass who can take down bad guys. And for GODS SAKE, RILEY DAVIS IS A STRONG WOMAN...people have called her mushy and feminine on twitter and I'm just very confused by that.....

Anyways before I go off on a rant, it seems like Desi is intentionally being written this way. Every opportunity they get to redeem her and make her more relatable or just a better person they just dont take it. While Rileys character arc is one of the best I've ever seen. Either its intentional or they’ve forgotten how to write characters...which is worrisome but ill give them the benefit of the doubt.

The writers also know we dont like Desi. The amount of times we've tagged them in the toxic posts or pointed out problematic things we can be sure they've seen at least half of those. So theres no way they dont know. RIGHT?

So why then is MD still a thing you may ask??

Well for one they cant break them up again off screen because of those unreleased s4 episodes. (not to mention the other parts of the audience who arent as invested in mac’s love life would probably be very confused.)

Secondly Mac has to be the one to pull the plug, not Desi. 4x13 made it seem like Desi was the annoyed one not Mac. He apologised to her which meant he wanted to fix things. 

Thirdly, they are opening the chpt one last time before they permanently close it. MD is going to be a stark contrast to macriley(it already is in every way possible). Every issue Mac and Desi had can be used to show how amazing macriley really is as two people who arent even dating yet.

Fourthly, MD being together is a sort of commentary on Macs mental health as well. We can see how happy he is with Riley but around Desi he becomes some one else. If the writers are doing this on purpose or subconsciously still remains to be seen.

And Yes keeping MD around for a few more episodes seems like a necessary risk right now but I have a feeling its going to be worth it later.

[I know we have had like 4 desi entered episodes already but I really think 5x04 will be the last of it since 5x05 is the Jack episode and 5x06 is Mac+Riley+Bozer episode with no mention of Desi at all!]

The writers know we are a dedicated bunch and they know that once MD breaks up for the last time the entire fandom will be waiting and watching. That's when the show will be at its peak. That will be the perfect moment to bring in MacRiley’s arc to a new start!

Congrats if you stuck with me through this whole thing! if you agree/disgaree with any of these or have other reasons why they could be endgame in s5 let me know!!

#MacGyver #Angus MacGyver #macgyvercbs #Riley davis #macriley #cbs #macxriley #macriley is endgame #otp #wilt bozer #Matilda webber #Lucas till #Tristin Mays #cbsmacgyer #russ taylor #macisback #macgyver season 5

[ssaalexblake]

You know, I remember before s12 aired I was talking about how I liked how they’d managed to say something with the casting of Jodie as the doctor Without forgetting the doctor’s socialisation. As in, 13’s anger has been Very feminine in that it deals with repression and hiding it behind 8 layers of denial and not letting people See she’s not a perfect happy go lucky joy machine who just helps people all the time. It made sense plot wise because of what 12’s last wishes were, he didn’t want the bad. He hoped for a future of laughter and kindness, not the kind of things the doctor has ended up with.

The doctors dedication to their own last wishes has unknowingly pushed 13 into somewhat typical feminine reactions in s11, she is being passive aggressive (this doesn’t actually stop, to be fair, she’s definitely being this in her calmer moments in s12), she’s only letting those around her see her positive attributes, hiding her questionable past by avoiding questions. She cornering bad guys alone so only They see her darker side. She’s using them as a pressure valve to vent her anger and disdain openly, because she knows she can’t do so to the fam without violating her own vow to herself.

So while 13’s ways of displaying anger aren’t stemming from being present in a society that socialises women that way, she has effectively ended up in the same place without her behaviour stemming from said same socialisation. Because this regeneration just Suddenly appearing like they’ve been perceived as a woman and socialised as such when they’ve been taken and treated as a man for thousands of years would not have worked.

And I personally quite enjoy this, might as well Say something with the casting, right? And I said this waaaay back when, and I got push back (rudely, but W/e) because why would I enjoy something that’s not a power fantasy of her acting in an entirely socialised male way, and that this whole thing was remarkably lacking in self awareness but like... I actually am thinking as time goes on that it is Very self aware and is serving as a bit of a lesson on toxic femininity.

I... have no idea if this is an arc that was self aware from the get go, but 12′s last wishes could have vastly different connotations depending on whom you say them to. From seeing two seasons of 13′s behaviour in an effort to fulfil them, i think it’s pretty evident that hearing them sent her down a pathway of very unhealthy emotional expressions that i clocked when watching Very early in the eleventh series as a very feminine type of anger repression. 

And in s11, she’s sailing on that. She Kind of slips up in the first new year’s special with the dalek, but other than that life is Good for her. She’s managing to find effective therapeutic venting villains to release the pressure of having to be perfect all the time and it’s not even having too much of a negative mental effect on her. 

Of course, this only holds for as long as life is going well for her, literally the first thing that happens in s12 is the Worst thing that ever could for her. The Master shows up, drudging up trauma related to Bill, relating to hoping against all hope they could be friends again but ending up dying in the dirt alone. He destroys Gallifrey, commits genocide, which would have been traumatizing enough but it would have drudged up all the trauma from when they thought They’d destroyed it and ruined the win they got when they’d actually saved it. The fam whom she loves are now Also in mortal danger and want answers. This all just goes to prove that 13 Only pulled that off in s11 because it was to a level that she could handle it. Once her stress and trauma and anger and hurt reaches a certain level, she can no longer function in the way she wished to and the true toxicity of that behaviour becomes apparent. 

And through all of this, while the 13 hasn’t arrived at these behaviour patterns through female socialisation, she is Presenting in the same way so it functions as a criticism of toxic femininity. 

In Orphan 55 she latches onto Kane Before she knows she’s done anything bad and treats her like dirt to vent the anger, the fam had Already noted she’s in a foul mood and it’s kind of evident she did Not want to take it out on them and used Kane to do it. Then the Skithra happens and she is Brutal and she is so in front of the fam. Fugitive of the Judoon happens and her instinct to hide all of her trauma and not talk and just be Happy is shown from the opening scenes to be causing division amongst the fam and her, she is moody and short and angry At them because she can no longer contain it. By the end of the episode she actually even verbally slams Ryan. That is how far gone she is with all of this. 

fotj is also when the fam Kind of manage to get through to her and show support, she actually is shown to be in a slightly better place in the next two episodes, so we also see that when she functions honestly and Doesn’t lean into toxic femininity her life Improves. 

Of course, then villa diodati happens and it all once again goes to utter Hell and she totally Blows. He screaming at the fam was a total and utter breakdown and it was a Snap. It was a Snap like the other doctors have had, it was like ten at his worst except instead of it being a boatload of ugly toxic masculinity she is portraying this through a lens of toxic Femininity. And people are still on my posts on a weekly basis wondering when 13 will Finally Snap. 

13′s anger Isn’t like the other doctors’ in presentation because her unhealthy coping mechanisms are displaying a totally different side of toxicity in society. 13′s repression and her absolute Need to only display positive traits led her down a road in s12 where she was unable to find help, unable to say there was anything wrong, unable to display negativity in a healthy way, unable to keep the sheer supernova of emotions she was feeling down anymore and it exploded, and it was ugly. She blamed the fam for not knowing things she was deliberately hiding from them. She did Nasty things. Her inability to think straight and her disinclination to Deal with her own trauma and just repress it ultimately led her to give up the cyberium to the lone cyberman which led to Countless trillions, probably, of humans to die in the worst way possible (that’s the doctors Own opinion on that btw, she Knowingly did something that caused this) because her crutches are ignoring the bad and using the fam and earth itself as a second home in place of the old one, for her, the possibility of losing them or the earth is so traumatic and disturbing that she knowingly causes a horror. 

13′s poor mental health, the poor mental health stemming from toxicly feminine ways of dealing with anger and trauma and depression led, directly, to the terrors in the last 3 episodes in s12. It is not healthy! 13 may not have been led to acting in these ways by female socialization, But giving us a justified and logical reason to be acting in the same way women are Expected to act in society to ours (and, everybody’s) detriment Is a commentary on how toxic that type of feminine anger actually Is. 

So no, i don’t think they went ‘power fantasy’ as a route with jodie’s casting as the doctor, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t self aware, instead they chose to say something that wouldn’t have been as poignant a story had they cast a man to play 13, because chronologically and visually... A man told her to do this. It is more complicated, yes, but this Definitely says something.  

13 is a cautionary tale against the toxicity in the anger women are socialised into... A wild one, but since when was the doctor ever subtle. 

#dw shit #idk if this makes sense but eh??? #what brought this on? internet too bad to stream anything and boredom #as u do #and i'm so sick of people Buying her bullshit tbh #it says a Lot that people buy in when put into the above context #what do you willfully ignore from women in the world that this just looks Normal and Happy to you jeez #... if anything this means this was too subtle #try a neon sign next time chibbs

[universallywriting]

then say something wrong for once, wuss 👀

Hmmm... Okay. Let's try some hot takes.

I think Spinel is just, like, okay as a character.

I don't think Steven should have left home at 16. At minimum, they should have skipped another couple years before sending him off.

Connie's epic moment was cool, but I think she got a little screwed over in Future

I think our main three gems and Greg were screwed over a little too, and were unfairly ignorant of Steven's issues in Future

I think Future spent way too much time on Steven being miserable and not enough on him healing.

MC Bear Bear ruined my fucking life what the fuck do you mean his healing works on inanimate obje-

WHY DO THE ZOOMANS SPEAK BAD ENGLISH EITHER IT'S A UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR AND THEY SHOULD SPEAK NORMAL OR IT'S NOT AND WHY THE FUCK DO THEY SPEAK ENG-

WHY ARE YOU MAKING A SPANISH-SPEAKING PAMPHLET, STEVEN? DID SOME GEM GET CORRUPTED IN FUCKING 3000 BC BUT STILL SPEAKS SPANISH WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN I SWEAR TO CHRI-

I love that Pearl, Lapis and Jasper are fucked up people, and I hate when people erase that about their characters. As someone who has had people who can be abusive or toxic in their lives, as someone who understands that this behavior isn't always intentional, I really like that there are characters in the show who fuck up major and are not portrayed as wholly good people, but complicated emotional messes after a lifetime of war and pain.

Pearl might be the best written character in Steven Universe, and it certainly one of the best written characters on television. That doesn't mean best person - just best written.

I relate to Rose very deeply and think she's a fantastic, very flawed character.

I truly, truly wish we had gotten explicit confirmation and acceptance of at least one abuser being considered unforgivable. I love the message of acceptance, but we see abusers forgiven so often in media. I would have loved to have an explicit scene where Steven says, "I will never forgive White Diamond for what she did, and I never want her in my life ever again, no matter how she changes" and for someone to say, "You don't have to. That's okay. You get to choose who is welcomed into your life."

Hit me, fam. Let's party.

#steven universe #steven universe future #suf meta #su meta #meta #HOT TAKES INCOMING #MC BEAR BEAR IS A FUCKING MONSTER I HATE HIM

[morkofday]

Huo Dao Fu

Because I am kinda obsessed with him

ooohhh i was so excited when i saw this ask!! i’ve always wanted to think about huo daofu some more bc we see so little of him and he’s just so cool. so i don’t blame you for your obsession haha. i wish you get something out of my ramblings!

(placing under a cut so that everyone doesn’t have to be subjected to huo daofu’s very scrutinizing stare. also, spoiler alert for sand sea ig?)

How I feel about this character

Damn this is difficult. I still remember when I got introduced to Huo Daofu in Reboot and was absolutely livid with him. How he refused to help Pangzi and was just frying some damn dumplings like?? Sir??? There is a dying man at the back of that van, please do something??? But at the same time, I was just about to burst with all of the questions I suddenly had because I didn’t know who he was or who he was to Wu Xie and why he would be Wu Xie’s last resort at the doors of death but. He was so cool? And I instantly wanted to know everything about him imagine my disappointment when I learned so little at the end).

So, after my initial shock had faded, I ended up liking him. He is possibly the coolest character in the whole of DMBJ. I would kill for him, though I think he would kill me instead for that if I ever dared. He’s just so capable. I love how unaffected by everything he is while still caring about others a lot. He’s one of those “Mention an emotion to me and I will run away screaming” -type of people. I adore that. Though I am also very curious about how he ended up being like this.

And then we get to Sand Sea where I was so happy to see him again? Even more so because that version of him was somehow so different! He was being so powerful. I could feel him oozing some kind of commanding aura while still standing by that Chen guy. I knew he was in charge. Everyone else knew he was in charge too. He knew he was going to abandon that man’s ass as soon as possible. 

And then I hated him for Yang Hao because. Yeah well. I guess Yang Hao made his own (bad) choices there but that is not a way to treat anyone in that type of situation. But then there was also the glimpse of care Huo Daofu showed to Yang Hao and? Yeah. he is so complicated. I want to pry him apart. I want to make him spill his every secret so that I can inspect him properly. I want to see more of him because he is just so full of mysteries and I adore him as a very unwillingly willing part of this team. He is doing amazing (especially with the outfits!)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I don’t know if it can be called shipping but I really do believe that he and Wu Xie were a thing at some point. Maybe sometime a lot before the events of Sand Sea. Maybe they dated for a couple of months and everything about it was very bad and toxic. Maybe they still cared for each other with all the heart they had left at that point. I don’t think they ever loved each other or actually acted like a proper couple with all of which Huo Daofu would call “lovey-dovey bullshit” but I think they got attached. There was some type of security found in the other’s presence maybe. Something good but twisted in colliding like that, in all the bad ways. I don’t know, I just really like the thought. And somehow all their bickering in Reboot and the way Wu Xie says, “There was something between us” (partly because I was not aware of Sand Sea) made me just instantly go, “Ah, so they’re exes.” Also, they make way too many eyes at each other? I have no idea what that is about if not this?? Damn.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Hmm. Huo Daofu doesn’t really create that many specific bonds but I do adore him as the member of our Desperado Fam in Reboot. He comes to care for those people and they come to care for him. Especially him with Bai Haotian stands out for me because that feels like something that could really bloom. Huo Daofu might appear cold and emotionless but I think no one can stay like that in front of Bai Haotian’s brightness. I also feel like those two could collide mentally? In a way that like, they would really be on the same wavelength with each other? They are both very intelligent and part of some type of organization (army and Warehouse 11, both in the past now I suppose) that has used them and they have run from in a sense? To have this new life? I don’t know. But I feel like they would understand each other.

Then there are Huo Daofu with Yang Hao and Xiuxiu. I talked about him and Xiuxiu in my post for her so you can check that out if you want (here’s a link). I like the thought of them and explained them more there so I’m not wasting more space on that. And I really want to talk about his fragile and very bad, very good relationship with Yang Hao! Because yes, they are absolutely horrible in Sand Sea. I didn’t want that for Yang Hao and I was crying so much as all of that was happening but I do like the thought of them together. They are somehow very similar? Both outsiders and not as confident as they appear to be. Both in some way abandoned by the world. Both ready to do anything to survive. I think Huo Daofu manages to get under Yang Hao’s skin so well because he sees something familiar in this young boy (and absolutely despises it). Their relationship is very complicated and absolutely toxic, but they intrigued me so badly. I wanted to see more of them. I wanted to see them developing together and finding the dynamic that works for both! Because there is that one brief moment in Gutongjing where they are running away from that horrible place where all the Jiumen Association people want to go where Huo Daofu shows concern. He protects Yang Hao. He seems to take him as his responsibility and considers his safety. And that spark was somehow everything I needed to fall in love with their dynamic.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I gotta once again say that I don’t really know about any opinions regarding DMBJ in general, less so about Huo Daofu. I guess he could be someone that people don’t like but I also know that over here, everybody adores him or is at least fascinated by him. So, feel free to ask me anything if you have any thoughts yourself! I am open to any discussion regarding him ^^

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

Many things because we see so little of him? I wish we got to see stuff about his army surgeon days. I wish we got to see stuff about him with the Huo family perhaps? I wish we saw something about his childhood or his teenage years. In Reboot, I wish he was even more present because now he just walks in and out every time they need someone with medical skills. And I know that he wouldn’t be there for anything else than his vow as a doctor because he tries his best to keep himself unattached but! I wanted more of him. It would be so interesting to see him with even more different characters. I keep thinking about how he would be with Liu Sang or Xiaoge or Hei Xiazi. I want to understand him more. I want more of him bickering with people and being his bitchy self because I love that for him.

thanks a lot for your ask! i really wish this gave you something bc huo daofu is someone i have problems wrapping my head around. he’s amazing still and i loved talking about him! have a wonderful day ^^

#wow i really do love this bitch #thanks for asking!! #dmbj #huo daofu

[pyrotrolls]

*grabs shotgun* So am I hunting down Kinsra's moirail and kicking their shit in for being negligent? :3

Ahhhhh noooooooo Yersin is not inherently neglectful!! Kinsra just doesn’t tell him what’s going on. Ever. Their relationship is equally complicated. They don’t talk much about their lives because they’re protecting each other. Kinsra knows he has a huge fan base as a successful and popular streamer, and he knows Yersin is a mutant that does Very Illegal Things. So he can’t talk about him on video or public out of fear he’ll be hunted down by a possessive fan. Yersin knows Kinsra is constantly in the public eye and that Yersin has enemies so he won’t let people know because Yersin does a lot of things that piss other trolls off. It’s literally not safe for either of them.

They do genuinely get along and love each other. They’ve been together for a very very long time like six sweeps. And I suppose just that long they feel like they’ve said everything they had to say, they still know each other very well, Kinsra can tell you his favorite tea and how many mugs on average are in his bedroom right now and Yersin knows every single pet’s name. It’s not registered to either of them they can and should talk more about their emotions. They fill each other in with some details of their life like any major updates and frequently do hang out in person. They’re nerds who watch movies and play games and talk about their favorite books, but Kinsra’s depression closed him off emotionally and Yersin has difficulty expressing Any emotion plus he’s selectively mute so he doesn’t Talk and doesn’t know ASL. So their case is miscommunication. Not inherently neglect. Yersin can’t help if Kinsra doesn’t talk to him and since Yersin is emotionally stunted Kinsra can’t help because Yersin keeps everything close and simply won’t process emotions unlike Kinsra ‘I feel so much all the time and don’t know what to do’ darrog

And the whole not being concerned about his eyes or toxic consumption is literally just Yersin being equally self destructive. He completely destroyed the nerves in his hands up to his shoulders from various magic use. So it’s not a disconcern but like. “I also do those things and I’m worse off so you’re fine probably” and Kinsra’s like yeah fam I mean I’m blind but like that probably isn’t related lol. They just. Need to be reminded to talk about their feelings. Kinsra would be heartbroken and assertive that Yersin is a good moirail! But they do need pushed to open up with each other again.

#Yersin #Kinsra #just more trolls #ask #they’re stupid and dumb boys who don’t Think

[danijimenezv]

I Know My Worth

Prompt: “If there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself.”

Pairing: Clint Barton x reader

Warnings: Sexism, misogyny, slight abuse of power, low self-esteem, confidence problems, insults and mean remarks, medical emergencies, a few gross descriptions, swear words.

Word Count: 7968 words (oops, I got a bit carried away, sorry!)

A/N: Happy late International Women’s Day to all my fellow females out there! This was my entry for @captain-kelli’s Strong Women-themed 500 Fam Writing Challenge. It’s set prior to the first Avengers movie, when S.H.I.E.L.D. was still a thing. This turned out to be personal for me because it shows my own experience at becoming a veterinary doctor, most of them are examples I had to live myself, so please be kind with it. Also, everything in here is from what I know about medicine in animals, but I can’t be completely sure it also applies to people, so excuse my mistakes!

Being a medical student wasn’t easy, that was something you learned the hard way. It was late nights, crappy eating habits and stressful situations; your time stops being your own, having to prioritize most of your life, and most times you have to give up a lot. It was a marathon, not a sprint. All of that added to the fact that the whole environment was toxic, where egos clashed constantly, everything turned into a competition and asking for help was seen as a weakness. Now, as if that didn’t sound awful enough, being a medical student as a female was even harder. In a man’s world, medicine was no exception to sexism. Male students were praised, while female students were constantly doubted and made fun of, with remarks that ranged from their physical appearance to their capacities. For instance, girls were usually questioned about being able to take critical decisions in the ER when required, while no one ever implied that a guy was incapable of that.

Things didn’t change much once you graduated. It was difficult for most doctors to gain visibility and recognition once out of medical school, but it was even harder and more complex for women. Male doctors were constantly recognized worldwide for their feats, while female doctors mostly remained in the dark. Even as doctors, women have been known to have to fight for everyone around to take them seriously, having to work extra hard, go the extra mile, to be heard and recognized as they should.

Y/N Y/L/N was one of them. She had a love for medicine and a passion for helping people that made her great for a doctor. She had worked really hard throughout college and afterwards, which landed her a great position at the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division, as one of their field medics. The problem? She was the only woman in the medical team, and the head doctor didn’t take well to that change.

Her nightmare began the very first moment she arrived at the facility. She had just gotten there when she saw a man on the floor, and she hurried to get to his side, immediately getting into doctor mode. She dropped her bag open by her side in case she needed her instruments, and proceeded to determine what was wrong with him.

“What’s going on here?” another doctor rushed forward, ignoring the small group of people already gathering around them.

“I don’t know, he was already on the floor when I arrived.” she explained, “Pulse is weak, he’s hypotensive. He also shows signs of low blood oxygen saturation, cyanosis and acute dyspnea.”

“What else, newbie?” he demanded in a harsh tone.

Y/N examined the man one more time to see if she had overlooked an important detail, before deciding to take out her stethoscope to auscultate, “No lung expansion on his left side.”

“Bring me the bag mask.” he ordered to someone else and they rushed away.

“Could be a hemothorax.” Y/N responded confidently, “He could have an internal hemorrhage in the pleural cavity. He needs a thoracentesis right now to drain the thorax or he’ll suffocate.”

“Then get out of the way and let the real doctors do the work.”

“I have what I need here with me, you can’t afford to wait until they bring you a scalpel and a chest tube, it has to be now.”

“If you fail, this agent’s life is on you.” the doctor barked angrily.

Y/N took a scalpel out of her bag and exposed the man’s side of his ribcage. She made a clean incision and pushed the tube inside. A second later, the liquid started to drain out of the man’s chest. Slowly, the agent’s respiration began to normalize, allowing him to breathe and get some much needed oxygen into his lungs.

“Doctor Rivera, Doctor Tate, get Agent Hall ready for surgery. He won’t be stable for long.”

“Yes, boss.” the other two responded and sprung into action.

The senior doctor then turned to Y/N, “Clear liquid, obviously not a hemothorax.”

“Pleural effusion. But it was still liquid compressing the lungs and he still needed the thoracentesis, whether the liquid was bloody, purulent or clear.”

“I still don’t trust your examination because I wasn’t there to see it, but your incision was horrible. You do know you have to make the incision at the fifth intercostal space anterior to the mid axillary line, right? Not the sixth nor the fourth. And you have to make a clean cut, not slice every layer individually.”

“Wait, I’m pretty sure I did make the single cut at the fifth space.” she defended herself.

“And to top it all, you seem to have a knack for talking back to your new boss.”

That made her freeze in her place, as Y/N finally realize who she was talking to, “You’re Doctor Blaine Fowler. I’m so sorry, sir.”

“I knew we shouldn’t have admitted you in here, a girl straight out of med school, but Fury insisted. Your recommendation letters were remarkable.”

“Thank you, sir-”

“It wasn’t a compliment, those mean nothing to me. See, you might’ve been a decent enough student, but let’s get something clear, you are not a decent doctor, got it?”

It was the first low blow in a long line of insults to come, to which she simply hung her head low and muttered a soft “Sorry, sir…”

“Listen here, newbie, you have been here all of half an hour, I’ve been in charge here for longer than you’ve been studying, so don’t get any ideas. Things here are done the way I deem it correctly. And I won’t have a young, barely-doctor girl disrupting my work, okay? You work under my mandate now, be sure to behave as such.”

“Yes, sir…”

That first day was the start of a complicated work relationship that only seemed to worsen for her.

*****

A couple of months into the job, things hadn’t changed much. When she was on duty alone, things weren’t as difficult. Y/N could make the decisions she thought right with no one criticizing her every move, without her boss breathing down her neck, waiting for her to make a mistake. However, Fowler was still her boss, which meant he controlled what procedures she could be included in, which weren’t many. He preferred to pick any of the other male doctors before her, and he usually had her do easy tasks, as if she wasn’t capable of doing more than that.

It happened when Fowler wasn’t around, which considerably lessened her anxiety levels. It was while she was processing a few blood samples that she heard a commotion approaching. She exited the lab just in time to see two agents practically dragging a third one. They left a blood trail on the floor while they looked around desperately.

“What happened?” Y/N made her way to them.

“Where are the real doctors?” the one on the left spoke harshly.

Translation: the male doctors.

“Shut up, asshole. She’s a real doctor.” the one in the middle, the injured one, groaned out, focusing his blue eyes on her.

Y/N had seen him around, but she had never really interacted with him before until that moment. His remark, while quite simple, still surprised her. After all, she didn’t only fight for her boss and colleagues to take her seriously, but also with some of the patients that for some reason felt safer with other doctors. She smiled at him gratefully, before examining him slowly. His dirty blonde hair was glued to his sweaty forehead, his breathing hard and labored as he clearly tried to ignore the pain, while one of his hands was pressing on his bloodied torso.

“He was near an explosion, and some of the shards hit him.” the man on the right informed, casting her an uncertain look but not quite as against her as the first man had been.

“We have to get you to a room. I’ll have to pull out the shards with tweezers and then evaluate if you need stitches and then bandage.”

“Where’s Dr. Fowler?”

“Not here. I’m the doctor on call today.”

“Think you can help me, Doc?” the guy smirked cheekily despite being in obvious pain.

“Come on.” she tried him from the other two agents, to get him to a room quickly, but the other two took a few steps away, “Agents, I need to take him in order to fix him up.”

“We’ll take him and go with you.”

“With all due respect, I work better without an audience.”

“Why? Otherwise you can’t concentrate? A few stitches that hard for you?”

“No, but just so I don’t have to listen to your idiotic comments.” Y/N snapped, getting irritated, “Agent…?”

“Barton.” the dirty blonde man offered.

“Agent Barton has to be treated quickly, and you’re not letting me do my job.”

“You heard the lady, Rodríguez.” Agent Barton said, “I’m going with her.”

“Barton, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Get your head out of your ass, Carson.” he let out a growl, “She’s the doctor here, she’s the boss. What she says, goes. It’s not that hard to understand, idiots.”

“Don’t you want to wait until another doctor arrives? Another one must be around.”

“No, I’m fine with her. And honestly, you’re lucky I’m bleeding out here on the floor, because I’d be a few seconds away from kicking your ass.”

The two agents left him with Y/N hesitantly, and it was clear they still didn’t trust she was capable of stitching him up, but Y/N didn’t stay to fight with them any longer. She wasn’t going to be able to change their minds anyway, and she was losing important seconds that she could use on her patient, so she turned around and lead Barton to the consultory. As soon as he laid down on the cot, she got to work, putting gloves on and getting everything she needed.

“Please tell me you have your tetanus vaccine up to date.”

“I think so.” Clint shrugged.

“Okay, good.”

Barton reclined back, letting his head rest tiredly, and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the pain, but opened them once again when he felt her looming over him. Y/N worked silently but efficiently, having everything ready in barely a minute. She proceeded to create a tourniquet above his wound with a belt, trying to lessen the bleeding.

“Agent Barton, this might hurt.” she warned him kindly, holding the antiseptic up so he could see what she meant.

“You can call me Clint.” he tried to smile at her, but probably ended up wincing, judging by her answer.

“It’s okay, you’ll be alright soon, I promise.”

Clint hissed as soon as he felt the stinging sensation on his torso and clenched his jaw a few times. The doctor cleaned the wound, gently so she wouldn’t get any of the shards deeper than they already were, and wiped away the blood so she could see what she was dealing with.

“How much does it hurt?” she asked gently as she took the injection of lidocaine in her hand.

“A lot. I might die.”

“You won’t die, Agent Barton.” she rolled her eyes in amusement, “It doesn’t look like any of the shrapnel hit anything vital. It looks superficial. Though, I’ll conduct an ultrasound afterwards to make sure.”

“I told you, you can call me Clint.”

“Clint.” Y/N tried out the nickname and changed the subject, trying to distract him from what she was about to do, “Um, thank you, for standing up for me.”

“I shouldn’t have to. I’ve seen the way they treat you, and it’s unfair.”

“You’ve seen it? How?”

“I’m just really observant.” Clint shrugged in dismissal and looked at her seriously, “Why don’t you say anything?”

“Because it’s pointless. And if I talk back to Fowler, he’ll have me on cleaning duty instead of doing medical procedures.”

“You’ll have to face him eventually.”

“I can’t, Clint. Even if I want to, I can’t. My job is on the line.”

Y/N took the tweezers and began taking out piece by piece, starting with the smallest ones so there wouldn't be additional blood covering her view. She tugged at the shards with precise movements, trying to be as gentle as possible with him. Clint closed his eyes and waited for her to be done, prepared for the pain, though it never came.

“Fury wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Fury isn’t my boss, Fowler is. And I know Fowler answers to Fury, but Fury doesn’t usually get involved in the medical area.” she sighed, working the needle through the wounds, stitching him up, “Believe me, if there was something I could do, I already would’ve.”

“It’s not right.” he mumbled, “Doc, don’t let them walk all over you.”

“Y/N.”

“What?”

“My name is Y/N.” she smiled at him, bandaging him quickly, “Ready.”

“You’re done?!” Clint opened his blue eyes and looked at her in bewilderment, and then down at his bandaged torso, “I didn’t even feel anything.”

“Because I gave you a local anesthetic.”

“Well, that’s new.” he commented, “They usually don’t use that on us.”

“The point of an anesthetic is to reduce the patient’s pain.” Y/N said obviously, “If I can help with that, then I’m sure as hell going to use it. I really don’t get why they wouldn’t.”

“And that alone makes you a graeter doctor than all of them together.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“You are. Not because you used the anesthetic on me, but because you care about the patient above anything else.”

Y/N didn’t answer him, but instead smiled at him gratefully. He had just met her, and still, Clint had been about the only one who had trusted her, who had believed in her.

*****

Since then, a beautiful friendship started to form between Y/N and Clint. He didn’t come back as a patient, but as a friend instead. When he wasn’t busy on missions, he dropped by the medical bay constantly, either to check up on her or simply to keep her company. He made sure she was eating at the right hours, drinking the necessary amount of water and taking breaks so she wouldn’t bury herself in work. He also was a welcoming distraction from the nightmare that was having to deal with her boss and colleagues.

That day, though, Clint hadn’t dropped by. She was in her office alone, catching up on some reading she needed to do, when another emergency hit. She rushed out of her office and ran through the place until she found her colleagues, who were rolling a gurney and probably heading to the OR for an emergency surgery.

“Out of the way, Y/L/N.” Fowler snapped, pushing her aside.

“What happened to her?”

“Acute liver failure, she needs to be admitted into surgery.” another doctor informed.

“Wait a second, you can’t operate on her!”

Fowler and the rest of the doctors stopped the gurney and stared at her mockingly, causing her to look down with her cheeks heating up.

“And why on Earth do you think we shouldn’t operate on her?”

“She’s decompensated-”

“Because of the liver failure, keep up, Doctor Y/L/N.”

“I get that, but did you stop to look at her medical records?”

“That’s the last thing you should be thinking in such a critical-”

“She’s hemophiliac!” Y/N shouted in frustration, “If you operate on her right now, in her state, she’ll bleed out on your operations table.”

“And if we don’t operate on her she’ll die anyway.”

“Fowler, think about it.” Y/N begged him, “You’re operating for a liver failure. If you by proximity happen to touch her spleen, you can cause an erythrocyte sequestration, and with her hemophilia, it could be critical and she’ll end up dead in record time.”

“Y/L/N, are you that incapable of making critical decisions that you even question our decisions?”

“That’s not it…” she sighed softly.

“I have a team of very capable doctors with me, we can handle it.”

“Her body can’t.”

“I want you out of here, Y/L/N. I won’t let you interfere with this.”

With a frown but firm determination, she stormed out of there and ran through the whole division, looking for that specific person. Y/N found him in the middle of training with Natasha Romanoff, but she didn’t care, she still barged into the room, making both of them stop and look up at her.

“Agent Romanoff.” she nodded respectfully before turning to Clint, “Clint, I need you.”

“What’s up, sweetheart?”

“You’re an O negative, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It’s an emergency. Agent Levi is being rolled into surgery right now for acute liver failure. But she’s hemophiliac, she’s an O negative as well, and she can only receive blood from another O negative. Fowler is just focusing on the emergency surgery, not the critical cares he needs to have for her condition.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Can you donate blood to her?”

“Lead the way.” Clint nodded decisively.

“I’m so sorry for the interruption, Agent Romanoff.” Y/N started to say, but Natasha raised a hand in dismissal.

“Don’t sweat it, Doctor Y/L/N. Go save lives.”

Y/N urged Clint into her office, getting the bags for the blood and the needle. She made a tourniquet on his arms and touched his arm gently, assessing his vein.

“I’m really sorry, I wouldn’t be asking this of you if I didn’t think it was an emergency.”

“Y/N, you’re the doctor here.” he reassured her, “You do what you have to do.”

“Okay.” she took a deep breath, trying to calm her shaking hands, “Agent Barton, have you eaten something in the last four hours?”

“No.”

“Do you have a disease of any kind?”

“No.”

“Have you suffered from Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, HIV-AIDS, Syphilis or another chronic illness that should be taken into account?”

“Nope.”

“Do you have multiple sexual partners?”

“Why do you want to know, sweetheart?” he smirked at her, and Y/N’s cheeks heated up in betraying as she finally realized what she had just asked him, “If you wanted a piece of this, you only had to ask.”

“I swear, it’s a routinary question for blood donors.” Y/N defended, looking around awkwardly as her heart raced with the incredibly pleasing image he had just put in her mind.

“The answer is no, in case you also wanted to know for yourself.” he chuckled, seeing her fluster, “I already have my eye on a single someone.”

However, Y/N tried to not let herself dwell on that bit of information. She already attributed her crush on him to the fact that Clint seemed to be the only one around who believed in her, who didn’t try to diminish her. She didn’t want to make it worse by focusing on it.

“Okay…” she drawled out, trying to place her attention again on the matter at hand instead of her feelings, “Have you received any organ transplants?” he shook his head, “Suffered from epilepsy, tuberculosis, severe cardiac disease or cancer?” he signalled no again, “Have you consumed alcoholic beverages, narcotics, or any intravenous or inhaled drugs in the last 12 hours?”

“Also no.” Clint raised an eyebrow, “Did I pass your test?”

“Yes, you can officially be a blood donor.”

Y/N extracted his blood as quickly and efficiently as possible, and once done, placed the bags in a small icebox. Then she went to the storage room and got all the medications she thought were needed. After telling Clint to wait for her in her office, she headed to the operating room. Fowler had already gone inside, but another doctor was just outside getting ready to assist him.

“Rivera.” Y/N called for his attention.

“What do you want, Y/L/N? I thought Fowler told you to get lost.” she pushed the icebox in his face, “What is this?”

“Agent Barton’s O negative blood. Agent Levi will need a continuous blood transfusion during the surgery. I also took, from another sample, adequate quantities of clotting factor concentrates, it should also be enough for the post-operative coverage.” she then took a few syringes from her pocket, “This is desmopressin, it can raise the coagulation factors levels to control the bleeding in case you need it. Only use it if Agent Levi gets hypotensive. If you decide to use the desmopressin, do not give her any NSAIDS or opioids. The pain should be managed with celecoxib or meloxicam, or you can use a combination of paracetamol with codeine or tramadol.”

“Why are you giving me the credit for this?”

“I don’t care about the credit.” Y/N huffed indignantly, “The patient’s life is more important than being right, even if I want to rub it in Fowler’s face.”

And it was true. Even if she later had to bear with Fowler praising Rivera for his quick thinking and precaution, if the patient was okay, she didn’t care much.

Rivera chuckled softly, “That’s impressive, Y/L/N.”

She rolled her eyes at him, “Just make sure Fowler doesn’t kill Agent Levi, make sure she survives.”

Doctor Rivera nodded respectfully at her for the first time and headed into the OR. Y/N smiled in relief and finally slowed down her pace as she made it back to her office, where Clint was patiently waiting for her.

“Why aren’t you in surgery?”

“Because Fowler wasn’t gonna let me inside, even if I were the only doctor available.”

“Then who is giving Agent Levi my blood?”

“Doctor Rivera.”

“Why did you give him the credit for your quick thinking?” Clint huffed in annoyance.

“Because no matter who assisted Fowler in that surgery, Agent Levi needed the blood. I know I was right, I know I did the right thing. But as long as Agent Levi gets well, that’s all that matters.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, I get that. But they won’t see you for the doctor you are unless you let them know.”

“You know I can’t do that.” she sighed, plopping down on the chair next to him, “I could find the cure for cancer, and they would never see it.”

Clint extended his arm to take her hand in his, squeezing it gently and rubbing soft circles on her skin, “They all will see it soon, I promise. You deserve that.”

“Clint.” Y/N calmed him, squeezing his hand back, “As long as the patients are getting what they need, I don’t need it. Yeah, it would be nice, but I care more about the patients. And if I have to let another doctor take credit for a win, then I will, as long as the patient is okay.”

Clint stared at her in pure amazement, his chest blooming with pride.

“Come on, Barton. Let’s get some glucose into your body.” she winked at him, “Doctor’s orders.”

He was definitely in trouble; he was falling for her, and he was falling hard and fast.

*****

Another day, another commotion. They were simply eating sushi in her office, hanging out, when they heard it outside. Y/N immediately sprung from her seat, offering Clint an apologetic smile, before heading out, and Clint followed after her, but they didn’t get too far, before they came face to face with two agents. Instead, they cleared the path for them and lead them into her office.

“What happened?” she asked as one agent dragged another one into the room. Both of them looked like hell; the more stable one had a few cuts down his arms and dried blood on his uniform, while the other one seemed to be in a worse condition, barely responsive.

“He was poisoned.” the agent dropped his partner on the cot, letting Y/N examine him as quickly as possible.

“He’s got dyspnea, mydriasis and ptyalism. I don’t see any visible rash or irritation around the mouth. Was it injected or ingested?”

“Either way, be prepared to induce vomiting.” Fowler walked into the room, focusing his piercing gaze on her, “Quick, Y/L/N, which emetic would you use for that purpose?”

“Apomorphine or emetine, but I wouldn’t use an emetic, sir.” she was quick to say.

“Why not?”

“We don’t know which poison was, it could be caustic and with an emetic it could burn down his anterior digestive tract. Also, he hasn’t displayed tremors nor seizures, so I think it’d be better to proceed with a gastric lavage.”

“And I suppose you have the exact antidote, don’t you?” he mocked.

“Well, no, but-”

“Get the emetic ready, Doctor Tate.”

“But sir, the induction of vomiting could be counterproductive.” Y/N added, “It could cause seizures, hypoxia, and severe depression or even induce coma.”

“Y/L/N!” Fowler yelled in anger, making her jump startled, “I don’t need you here to recite the textbook. Practicing medicine isn’t just evaluating symptoms, it’s a whole.”

“I know, but it could be more dangerous-”

“Don’t interrupt me. It’s very rare that the actual cases align perfectly with what you have memorized. And no matter how much time you spent preparing to become a doctor, you’re likely to encounter some things you never anticipated on the job. That’s what being a doctor is. If you’re not ready for that, the door is right there.”

Y/N was left standing there, opening and closing her mouth like a gaping fish.

“Fowler.” Clint growled in warning.

“No, he’s right.” Y/N mumbled like an scolded child.

She retreated to the back of the room, letting the other doctors conduct the procedures Fowler ordered. Clint immediately went after her and pulled her in a huge hug. He felt a few tears soaking through his shirt, but he knew better than to comment on it.

Clint hated everything about her situation. He had been close to shooting Fowler every time he had seen him bring her down like that, and he felt compelled to do it right at that moment. But Fowler could be dealt with, the other doctors could be dealt with. The worst part was that Y/N had started to believe what they told her. She tried not to let it show, but it was obvious it affected her.

“Maybe I’m not cut out for this…”

“Like hell you aren’t.” Clint pulled back so he could stare into her eyes, “Not all doctors can agree on a single course of action. You had your reasoning behind your suggestion, and it sounded damn good to me.” she didn’t seem to be listening to his words, “Y/N, you’re a fucking amazing doctor. I’m proof of that. I’m still here, aren’t I? And that’s thanks to you.”

“I don’t know, Clint…”

“Well, I do know.” he insisted.

“Thanks…” she whispered shyly, before hastily wiping away the few tears that had managed to escape from her eyes, “I hope you’re right…”

*****

Much to Clint’s anger, it kept happening more frequently. He watched as her voice got silenced time and time again, how her intellect was downplayed, how her confidence in her abilities was burned to the ground.

“Y/N?” he called yet again; he had been looking for her for the previous half an hour, not having found her in her office or around, “Where are you?”

Another half an hour passed before he finally found her. She was seating on the floor, in the less known part of the Division, probably so she wouldn’t be bothered, as not many people were around there.

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.” he started, before noticing that she didn’t move an inch, not even when she heard him, “Sweetheart?”

Clint crouched in front of her, placing two fingers below her chin and raising her face so he could look at her. Her cheeks were tear-stained, and her usually bright eyes were red and puffy, with more fresh tears making her way down her face.

She took in a shaky breath as she turned her head to free herself of his grip, “Go away, Clint.”

He knew what she was doing; she was pushing him away because she felt vulnerable, but he wasn’t going to allow her to do that, he wanted to be there, and he sure as hell was going to stay there with her.

“That’s not an option.” he took a seat by her side, “What happened?”

She stayed quiet for several seconds, ignoring his question. Or maybe pondering whether to tell him or not. Either way, Clint felt the need to repeat it. He hated seeing her like that, and he wanted to do everything in his power to make it better for her. Just as he opened his mouth, she beat him to it.

“A patient died. They couldn’t save him.”

Clint shut his eyes and winced, finally understanding. Every death was hard, he knew that, he had dealt with that ugly aspect of being a part of S.H.I.E.L.D., but he had never really stopped to think how it was for a doctor. They knew their patients, they saw everything happening, they had human lives on their hands. Losing them had to be like losing a part of themselves, Clint thought.

“He died of anaphylaxis.” she scoffed as if she couldn’t believe the situation, “He said he was allergic to diclofenac. I tried to suggest the use of a glucocorticoid like beclometasone, but Fowler said to administer instead a combination of indomethacin and ketorolac at the right doses.”

“Sweetheart, I wish I could understand what you’re saying…” he wiped a few tears away delicately and pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

“All of them are NSAIDs.” she explained bitterly, “The patient was allergic to NSAIDs in general, not only diclofenac.”

“But that’s not your fault.”

“I got the injection ready for them to administer it, Clint. I should’ve changed the medications, but I didn’t. And because of that, he died of an anaphylactic shock.”

“You can’t save everyone, Y/N.”

“You know, everybody keeps repeating that to me, ever since medical school; I’ve had enough of that. I have to at least try to save everyone. But here, they’re not even letting me try.” she complained, “I can’t do anything here. I feel so impotent…”

Clint didn’t know what else to say. Probably because he knew that there was nothing he could say to make it better. That situation was hard enough, and it added to the fact that Fowler already had her doubting if she was cut out to be a doctor. So instead of talking, he just held her for what felt like hours, he held her while she sobbed for as long as she needed. He kept whispering sweet nothings and encouraging words in her ear, holding her close to him. When she finally managed to calm herself down, she snuggled even closer to Clint, feeling clingy, but knowing he wouldn’t mind.

“Sweetheart, I need you to listen to me.” Clint said seriously, cupping her cheeks gently, “I know you don’t feel like you’re cut out for this, but you’re so wrong. You always feel the need to justify why you’re here and how you got here, and you don’t have to. You just need to learn how to own up to your talent. You need to see yourself for the doctor you are, not the doctor Fowler is making you out to be.”

“I just…”

“I know it’s gonna be hard.” Clint added, “But please, do it for me. I need you to see yourself the way I see you.”

Y/N nodded timidly, first with hesitation and then more firmly, though before she could say anything, she found herself getting lost in his blue eyes. Words got stuck in her throat as he returned her stare with the same electric energy, looking down from her eyes to her lips and back again. They had no idea who leaned in first, but it was obvious both of them felt the exact same pull towards the other. Y/N felt Clint’s breath over her lips, causing shivers to run down her spine in anticipation. Clint wasn’t as unaffected as he later tried to tell Natasha, feeling goosebumps all over his skin at her closeness. Though, before either of them could make the decisive move, they heard a clattering noise somewhere nearby, causing them to jump apart from each other. Clint groaned in frustration while Y/N smiled with blazing cheeks, chuckling to ease the tension.

“We better get going, before we both get in trouble for not being at work.”

“Technically we’re still at work.” he answered cheekily.

“At work but not working.” Y/N pointed out.

“Fine.” he drawled out dramatically, “Let’s go.”

“Thank you.”

“But first, let’s get some food in you. Doctor’s orders.” he teased.

“You’re not a doctor.” she complained playfully, smacking his arm but still following after him.

*****

Y/N finally snapped a few months later.

It was long overdue, and yet, most of them didn’t see it coming; she had let them walk all over her so much that they never expected her to explode like that. But this time, it was personal.

She was late, which usually wasn’t a big deal for her since her involvement in the medical procedures was limited to whatever her boss wanted at the moment. Though, instead of being welcomed by the usually empty halls, the place was swarmed with people. Frowning, she picked up her pace and followed the sounds until she saw her colleagues arguing with someone else, while the rest of people limited themselves to watch the conflict. As she got closer and made her way through the crowd she noticed it was Natasha. For any stranger, it would’ve looked as if she was keeping her calm, but all of them knew better; she wasn’t yelling but she had that dangerous glint in her eyes.

“Miss Romanoff, with all due respect, you should let the experts make that decision. What you’re asking for, we simply can’t indulge you in that. It wouldn’t be right.”

Their statement showed the truth of the situation; it wasn’t really respect, it was fear. They were afraid of her, and with good reason, but they still didn’t take what she was saying into consideration. Natasha noticed all of that, and she was close to losing it.

“Fowler, I told you. I won’t hand over my best friend unless it is to Doctor Y/L/N, and only her.”

“Then you’re letting your best friend bleed out.”

“What’s going on here?” Y/N asked cautiously, looking between Natasha and her boss.

“Finally.” she muttered.

“Ah, Doctor Y/L/N, nice of you to finally join us.” Fowler scoffed, “Maybe you could deal with Romanoff’s wound while we do the heavy work.”

“Nat, you’re hurt.” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as her eyes posed on her bleeding shoulder, but the redhead stopped her before she could get to her.

“Clint’s worse.” Natasha informed, “He needs you.”

She felt a sickening, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach at those words, “Where is he?”

“Still in the Quinjet.”

“What happened?”

“We were ambushed. He got two shots to his abdomen, but they were too deep, so I couldn’t get the bullets out. He’s unconscious, he’s lost a lot of blood. It’s not good, Y/N.”

“Then why the hell hasn’t he been admitted into surgery?!”

“Because it has to be you.” Natasha looked at her seriously, “I only trust you to do it, and Clint asked for you. It has to be you.”

Y/N squared her shoulders, pushing aside her own panic and desperation. For the moment, she needed her focus. Clint couldn’t be her Clint, he had to be just another patient for her to follow through as she needed.

“You.” she pointed to a few nurses who had been watching everything, “Get the operating room and everything else ready.”

“Yes, Doctor Y/L/N.”

“Natasha, bring him in.”

Natasha nodded, smirking arrogantly over at Fowler before leaving to get Clint. Y/N started walking decisively towards the OR, trusting Natasha to bring Clint along soon. The crowd dispersed to let her through, not being used to see her in command. Fowler and a few others followed her.

“I hope you only said that to get rid of her.” Fowler scoffed.

“I didn’t.” she stated firmly.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

“You don’t have permission to perform surgery on a high-level agent like Barton.”

“Watch me.” she stopped to look at him defiantly, making him take a step back in surprise, “You heard what Natasha said. It’s a critical condition that requires immediate action, and yet you stood there arguing with her like the five-year old you are, Fowler, when the patient was dying.”

“You’re not operating on Barton, and that’s final.”

“Yes, I am.”

“I haven’t given you the clearance for that, and I won’t do it, so you simply can’t.”

“I don’t need your permission. The patient gave his oral consent, and so did the agent responding for him.”

“You’re not qualified for this.”

“The hell I’m not.” she raised her voice, getting agitated, “Fowler, I’ve had it with you, it’s been enough. I’ve caved in every time you criticize me, I’ve stood back every time you’ve decided something that has been less than ideal for the patient; I even had to watch impotently as a patient died because of your poor decisions. But I’m done with this, I’m done bearing with your stupid ego, thinking that you’re the only one that knows any shit around here, when you don’t. Enough is enough, Fowler. I won’t stand by your incompetence any longer. So either help the nurses prepare the OR or stay out of my way.”

She’d had it. Not only was she tired of everything that had been happening for months, but at that moment, Fowler had struck a nerve: Clint, who was one of the most important people for her. He had overstepped into a sensitive topic. She had seen the way he was with his patients, she wasn’t going to leave Clint in his hands, even if it was the last thing she did at S.H.I.E.L.D. before she got fired.

“A laparotomy is a complicated procedure.” it took him a few moments to overcome the shock of her talking back to him, but after he had recovered, Fowler mocked with a sneer, “And you think you can do it?”

“I know I can.” Y/N replied calmly, “If there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself.”

When Natasha finally arrived with Clint, Fowler put a hand on the gurney, effectively stopping it. Nat glared at him, and she was about to knock him off his ass, but Y/N raised a single hand to appease her, silently telling her friend to let her deal with him.

“Just who do you think you are?!” he barked angrily, “I’m only going to say this once, Y/L/N: step out of the way before you inevitably fuck it up and kill Barton.”

“And I’m only going to say this once: no, I’ll conduct this surgery. You’re wasting my time, and precious time for the patient, so make yourself useful and disappear.” she snapped, “I won’t let you operate on him, and if I have a say, on any other patient here.”

“Well, you don’t have a say.”

“We’ll see about that.” she promised dangerously.

“You’ll regret this!”

“I regret letting you get this far.”

“You’ll be out of a job first thing tomorrow morning.” Fowler threatened her, “And you think anyone’s gonna take you any seriously without a recommendation from your previous boss? You’ll be no one.”

“That’s it.” Natasha hissed in outrage.

“You speak as if you were the greatest mentor ever, as if working for you hasn’t been a nightmare. But guess what, Fowler? I don’t need to rely on you or anyone else. I know the doctor I am, and the doctor I can be, and none of them have anything to do with you. So, go ahead, do your worst. I don’t need your approval, and I definitely don’t need your validation. I don’t need a man to help me achieve anything. I know what I can do. I’m amazing, and I should’ve seen it sooner.” Fowler opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to come up with a reply, “So get lost, Fowler. I have a surgical procedure to perform.”

“What’s going on here?” a deeper voice interrupted, and everyone around stepped back out of respect, letting Nick Fury walk forward.

Y/N hadn’t interacted much with Fury, so she bowed her head respectfully and stayed quiet, letting someone else explain the situation but ready to jump at the chance to explain herself in case anyone decided to lie.

However, Natasha trusted Fury enough to let out just about anything that had been said and done, not only that day, but also before. Though, she recognized that roasting had to wait. The vital thing right then was getting Clint into surgery.

“Clint is in a critical condition, and Doctor Fowler here won’t let Doctor Y/L/N operate on him, when Clint clearly asked for her.”

“And you trust her?”

“I do, Nick.” she nodded solemnly, “So does Clint.”

“And can you do it?” he asked Y/N.

“I can.” she replied with certainty, earning a glare from Fowler.

“Then get to it, Doctor.” Fury ordered.

“Yes, sir.”

“Go, I’ll inform him of everything.” Natasha promised.

With a last nod in their direction, Y/N turned and took the gurney with her, taking an unconscious and barely alive Clint towards the operating room the nurses had gotten ready.

*****

The first thing that Clint recognized as he started regaining consciousness was the brightness behind his eyelids. He kept his eyes closed for a few more seconds, not ready for the intense light. Once he did, he blinked several times to get adjusted to his surroundings. He was in what appeared to be an internment room, connected to multiple machines.

“You’re awake, finally.” a voice called, and he chuckled as he noticed his best friend perked on a seat in front of his bed, “About time.”

“How’s your shoulder?” he asked, his throat feeling the soreness of not being used for who knew how long.

“Better than most of your body, I’d say.” she smirked, “You gave us quite the scare.”

“‘Us’?” Clint frowned, and Natasha signalled to his side, prompting him to turn as well.

That’s when he noticed the other person on the room. Y/N was on the other chair, fast asleep, with her hand entwined delicately with his, as if she had been afraid to even touch him.

“She hasn’t left your side.” Natasha informed him, “And not exactly as your doctor.”

“Did she-”

“Perform the surgery? Yes.” she said triumphantly, “You should’ve seen it, it was epic.”

“I should’ve seen it.” he agreed with her.

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay. Don’t do that to me again.” Natasha smiled at him, “But I think I better leave you two alone.”

As the great spy she was, she slipped out of the room practically without a sound, and just in time for Y/N to stir awake.

“Clint?” she gasped as her brain processed what she was seeing, “You’re awake.”

Y/N hastily turned to check at the screens, to make sure everything was as it should be, eliciting a soft laugh out of him.

“How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Are you comfortable?”

“Doc.” Clint stopped her, “I’m fine, and I learned it was thanks to you.”

“Don’t thank me, you could’ve died.” her expression darkened, “You were on the table for six hours. It was pretty touch and go for a while. I was so scared I was losing you.”

“You’re gonna need more than a couple of bullets to get rid of me.” he promised light-heartedly.

They talked about everything and nothing at all for a while, just sharing and enjoying their time together. Clint couldn’t help but notice just how right it felt. Being with her came easy to him.

“Fury fired Fowler.” she suddenly said, making him perk up in interest.

“Did he now?”

“Fowler kinda jeopardized your life by not letting me do the surgery. All because the patient was too stubborn and expressed that I was the only one to do it.” she teased, smiling at him.

“I wouldn’t say stubborn.” Clint smiled, “At least it worked. I knew you could do it.”

“And that’s how I knew too.” Y/N stated confidently, “Because you believed in me. You’ve always believed in me, even when no one else did, even when I didn’t believe in myself.”

“And I’ll always be around to believe in you, even if I have to remind you any other time.” he promised, entwining her hand with his and pulling her closer to the bed, “But tell me more about how it happened.”

“I gave him a piece of my mind.”

“Did you, now?”

“Yeah.” she breathed out a laugh, “Full theatrics and all, you would’ve been proud. Maybe I overstepped just a little bit, but I can’t find it in me to regret it. And Nat filled Fury in about everything else that had already happened.”

“It was about time you stood up for yourself, Y/N. And for you to truly believe it, only you could do that.”

“And I have to thank you for that.” Y/N nodded, “You helped me realize that I��m not someone’s puppet, that I’m great on my own. Though, I would’ve preferred if you hadn’t put your life on the line for that.”

“I’d say it was worth it.”

“Not to me. I can’t lose you.”

“And you won’t. But please don’t let anyone else walk all over you. You don’t deserve that.”

“I won’t, never again.” she promised, sounding the more confident he had heard her ever since he met her, “I know my worth now.”

At those words, Clint couldn’t contain himself and pulled her towards him, finally crashing his lips to hers. He had been containing himself for months, but now he didn’t see why. Y/N smiled over his lips before returning the gesture and kissing him back just as fervently. Though, she stopped him before they could get carried away.

“You still have stitches, mister.” she scolded him, “I don’t want you to bust them open.”

“I have you to take care of me for that.” Clint joked, earning a roll of her eyes.

“At least buy me a coffee first.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing for months?” he huffed, “Coffee, burgers, sushi. I’ve tried everything.”

“Well, you’re not very good at asking out on an actual date, then.” Y/N remarked, “I would’ve said yes, you know.”

“You would’ve?”

“Yes. If it wasn’t painfully obvious already, I like you, Clint. I’ve had these feelings for you for a while now.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you, Hawk?”

“Because I didn’t think you returned my feelings, woman.”

“Well, I do, and now you know.”

“Is that an insinuation that I have to ask you out?”

“It would be a good start, yes.” then her voice turned shy, uncertain, “If that’s what you want.”

“If that’s what I-” he scoffed, “Of course it’s what I want.”

“Okay.” she smiled widely, taking his hand in hers, loving the feeling of it.

“What happens now?” Clint changed the subject, “Without Fowler around, I mean. I hated the guy and I hated what he put you through, but he was still the head doctor here.”

“I don’t know, I still have to talk to Fury about what’s to come, but for now, I really don’t care about that. I just want to spend some time with you.”

“Aw, you were worried.” he teased.

“And you’re an idiot.” she rolled her eyes, “But I guess you’re my idiot.”

“Always.” Clint grinned before pulling her to him once again.

*****

Tags:  @captain-kelli, @until-theend-oftheline, @thinkwritexpress-official, @missflashgeek, @sebbytrash, @captainrogerss, @beccaanne814, @higherfurtherfasterbby​, @peculiar-persephone​, @avengerofyourheart, @avengersandchill​, @avengers-x-reader​, @percywinchester27, @buckysberrie, @docharleythegeekqueen, @becs-bunker, @jadalecki-jackles, @scarlettsoldier, @feelmyroarrrr, @hellaqueerangelofthelord, @smoothdogsgirl, @mizzezm, @girl-next-door-writes, @sorenmarie87, @dottirose, @miraclesoflove, @rinthehufflepuff

#captainkelli500fam #clint x reader #clint barton x reader #marvel fic #writing challenge #dani writes

[poisonedpatchoulis]

here we go again. you may know me from luciatraskwrites, but i moved blogs because i felt like i needed a fresh start. so... it’s a pleasure to meet you all once again.

𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞

lucia f. trask. 17. she/her. autistic and adhd. mixed-race jewish-latina ( please don’t refer to me as a person of color )

i love all things old. old poetry, old art, old films ( as you can tell by the gene tierney themed-everything here ) - you name it. 

speaking of old things: i love me some classic lit and historical fiction! my favorite writers include sheri holman, t.h. white, johann wolfgang von goethe, and where would i be without mentioning john steinbeck? my favorite work of steinbeck’s would be east of eden.

i’d describe myself as a person who tries to be well-mannered and nice to those who encounter me, unfortunately i have very low patience. this, however, is something i’m trying to work on. if i come off as a bit stiff or withdrawn in my interactions with you, i’m sorry. being autistic, i might have a slightly more difficult time understanding social cues and etiquette - again, something i want to work on.

some of my hobbies include: baking, drawing, making song covers, playing video games, and simping for old british invasion era singers and old hollywood people.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞

though i’m most definitely a reader of more classic literature and historical fiction, i like to write fantasy. specifically fantasy that draws inspiration from eastern-european and latine mythology ( in other words: where the fam’s from! :> ) and is set in pseudo-victorian or pseudo-edwardian worlds as opposed to pseudo-medieval.

of course, there’s a touch of magical realism/surrealistic elements thrown in, too. mainly because i want to see “hmm. how much can i weird myself out, if i even can do that in the first place?”

some themes that pop up in my works include: any and all censorship is bad censorship no matter how good the intentions behind it, the importance of individuality, toxic positivity sucks and is insidious, humans are very complicated people, also lots of /white-passing characters who are either from latine-based cultures or mixed-race like me, it’s okay to not be okay, t r a g e d y

...i don’t really have one set wip. i mostly jump around from work to work, due to my executive dysfunction. at the moment, my attention is focused on simply getting stuff done, like poems and short stories. if, however, i organize any of my wips well enough, i’ll get around to posting introductions for them here.

honestly if you just want to read works that make you step back and go “what the actual f*ck” you might be interested.

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

if you post any of the following: anti-censorship stuff, writing references, your writing, prompts

if your wip has: magic, tragedy, complicated characters and relationships, mixed-race main characters (preferably latine or pseudo-latine, but i won’t be too picky), neurodivergent characters, nightmare-inducing content

also just... if you’re nice. and patient.

...i suppose that’s all? i don’t have much else to say, so i hope that all is well for you. if not ( and i get it - these are stressful times ), please remember to take care of yourself if you’ve got the energy to. it’s okay to not be okay.

#writing #writeblr #new writeblr #writeblr intro #writers on tumblr #about me #writing blog #short stories #dark fantasy #poetry

[theteapotofdoom]

I just wanted to say thank you for writing your Something Good fanfic. My mom died and your story has been helping me get through some shit. Do Dabi and his mom have A Song? Something they had together away from Enji that would play on the radio or TV and they'd think of each other? Does Shiggy have any good memory's of his mom? Does he look at a painting and think of her?

Hello! First of all, I’m really sorry to hear about your mom. I hope that you are surrounded with loving friends and family members and that you’re all here for each other ♥️

But I’m glad to know that the fic is helping even if just a little! I know that fiction can be very important when going through such difficult times and I’m honored that Something Good can be a positive thing in your life right now!

As for Dabi and his mother, their relationship was and still is quite complicated. I will definitely explain and explore it more in future chapters (I don’t think it’s really a spoiler to tell you that we will see more of the Todo fam in the future). But Dabi has a lot of messy and conflicting feelings towards his family: guilt, sadness, shame, but also anger and resentment. There is still love of course, but for now it’s mixed with a lot of different emotions. It’s still very painful and confusing for him, which why he hasn’t contacted his family in so long.

I’m talking about all of this just to say that even before Dabi left his family and ran away, his mother and him already had a very complicated relationship. Mostly it wasn’t their fault, it was about Enji and the toxic environment he created for the family, but it still affected them. But! Like I said there was still love between them. And so even with the dangerous environment around them, they sometimes managed to find little moments when they could relax together and just have fun! I haven’t thought about all the details yet, but they definitely had little things just between the two of them. For instance, Dabi was always the one who helped Rei to cook dinner when he was a child, it was their special moment together where they would listen to the radio and enjoy each other’s company. Those moments got rarer with time, but they still existed and were very important to both of them! From the top of my head, I’m thinking that "Love cats" by The Cure could have been one of the songs they liked to listen to together!

As for Shigaraki and his mom, this is a little more complicated to talk about without getting into spoilers for Shig’s backstory in the fic, but I’ll do my best! Unfortunately, Shig never knew his mom, so he doesn’t exactly have any memories of her. But he has seen pictures of her, some videos even, and he heard people talking about her so he has created his own image of her for himself. She left some notes and videos specifically for him before his birth, and thanks to all of that he knows that she loved him and he can imagine what kind of person she was! He definitely thinks about her when paints sometimes, and he painted a few portraits of her. He is never entirely satisfied with the results, but the process is always very relaxing and it often helps him to calm down when he needs it! (And of course Kurogiri and Sako are always there for him if he needs to talk about it!) (And they’re here for Dabi as well!)

I’m sorry, I feel like all of my responses were a little sad! I hope that it still helped a little or at least made you smile! Dabi and Tomura both had difficult lives, but they both of their moms loved them a lot (and Rei still loves Dabi!) and now they’re both surrounded by friends and family that will always take care of them, and they have each other of course! ☺️

I send you all the love and the support! And I can’t wait to share the rest of the story as soon as I can!

#much love to you ❤️❤️❤️

[extraordinarilyextreme]

about jinguangyao and wangzhi

like all the people who came from MDZS/CQL/The Untamed have pointed out the similarities between the two: conniving, scheming, and a pretty boy

but honestly if they ever sat down to have tea, i feel like wangzhi might drop his diplomatic smile within if not a few minutes, then certainly within a few hours

what wangzhi values most is loyalty. unconditional loyalty, and with that comes long-lasting devotion and the willingness to sacrifice the self. in other words, all of wangzhi’s ambition is only for his majesty/the imperial consort. he is willing to use people, to charm and blackmail people, in order to create a network of unflinchingly loyal people to the two most important people in his life (before tangfan and suizhou and dong’er and the Fam)

he is willing to torture people, but as suizhou gently tells him at the end of the show, “you’ve changed. you’ve become soft.” and this is a good thing: wangzhi has people he loves and wants to protect and people who love and want to protect him in return. as ruthless as he was, he didn’t immediately execute dingrong even though his right-hand-man pointed a gun to his head and held a blade to his neck. as cruel and efficient as he can be, wangzhi genuinely likes his little group of beggar children; he feeds and clothes them and guarantees them a warm place to stay. he brought food for every single child without leaving any for himself. he used dong’er for a case while doing everything in his power to guarantee her safety; then he later on cooks for her (and remember food = love in this show) and keeps her company while fanzhou are out/missing

but jinguangyao, to me at least, has only ever thought about himself. his ambition was only for himself; he wanted power, authority, and control so desperately because he was denied all that at a young age. all the people he killed were for his own personal gain and benefit. using weiwuxian as a scapegoat to get rid of jinzixuan, orchestrating niemingjue’s death because his sworn-brother (no less) didn’t trust him anymore. the way he manipulated qinsu and then murdered his own son. his father was an absolute dickhead but i, personally, still don’t believe he deserved to die so wretchedly. 

while they seem to act similar, their core values are fundamentally different. jinguangyao believes he’s a victim, that he deserves better and is thus allowed to enact revenge and make the choices he does. wangzhi is very much satisfied with his status as a eunuch and servant to the emperor and imperial consort; his life is inferior to theirs and it is his responsibility to protect the two people who trust him so much—he refuses to let their trust be in vain. both characters lost their mothers at a young age, but where wangzhi had the imperial consort to offer him a warm meal (food = love!!!!!!), jinguangyao probably did not have the luxury of a stranger’s kindness. 

wangzhi thanked suizhou and tangfan for being his friends because he admitted that he did not have many. but he doesn’t nurse or let that grievance consume him. instead, he works all the harder to protect the two people he NEEDS to protect, and this is why the emperor and imperial consort continue to back/support him in their own ways. (“wangzhi is not our son,” the emperor reminded his wife, and the imperial consort agreed, perhaps coldly in the face of wangzhi’s immutable devotion. but the love both of them have in return for this 17-year-old commander bleeds through. “you’ve lost weight. remember to eat more,” the imperial consort gently admonished wangzhi. “i am assured. no matter what danger comes my way, don’t i always have you at my side?” the emperor told wangzhi.) and after he indulges in and accepts his intrigue and later genuine fondness for tangfan and suizhou and their family, it only makes him stronger. these people wholeheartedly love him; they’re not simply afraid of him. these people will not betray him in the same way he would never betray the emperor and the imperial consort.

jinguangyao lied to and manipulated lanxichen, probably one of the first and only people to ever care for him so earnestly. sushe is a bit of an outlier, but they bonded in their rejection and lack of recognition in a toxic echo chamber rather than helping each other move beyond their grievances. he is definitely a product of his circumstances, but this also calls to mind the parallel between xueyang and weiwuxian. both orphaned and scorned, only that weiwuxian met a shijie who taught him what it was like to be loved and to love. with that, weiwuxian was able to develop his unwavering set of morals and brand of integrity beyond just the senseless vengeance and hatred xueyang clung to.

wangzhi’s underlying policy is “i help you, you help me”. he is willing to think about the benefit of others other than himself, even if in the beginning, it’s for the sake of having leverage/blackmail over people. but what does he gain from visiting dong’er while tangfan was missing? nothing, really. he’s able to grow from just mutually-beneficial-but-lacking-sincerity actions to ones where he acts of his own volition; he then genuinely helps/cares about people without an ulterior motive.

the other part of wangzhi’s ideals include “if you are not beneficial to his majesty, then you are unnecessary”. this is very different from jinguangyao’s “if you are not beneficial to ME, then you are unnecessary”. wangzhi is thinking in the best interests of someone else; even all his schemes to curry favor are ultimately because he knows he has to be liked/fear/in a position of power to better be of use to the emperor. his main motivation is never himself, but the people who trust him. jinguangyao’s schemes are for his own benefit; since the only person he really has to protect is himself, he can easily just murder/slander people who are not of use to him. it’s more complicated for wangzhi, who knows he must be in a position that optimizes his ability to protect the emperor and the imperial consort.

both jinguangyao and wangzhi smile to survive. but i really feel like wangzhi might just drop the act because jinguangyao isn’t even deserving of that diplomacy. he’d probably slap jinguangyao.

tldr; wangzhi has people other than himself that he genuinely cares about; jinguangyao really only cares about himself

#the sleuth of ming dynasty #tsomd #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #成化十四年 #cdrama ramblings

[6oob]

ahem. hi my name is jei day. im 22. born 1997 in baguio, philippines, but i travelled to hong kong a lot because thats where my dad lived. in 2001, my whole fam moved to new york with my auntie. we didnt have other family than her in america. my only friend for awhile was my big bro. my parents encouraged me to learn english so they stopped talking in tagalog. unfortunately english became my primary language and i can only understand tagalog, not speak it (weird, right?). moved to connecticut. my family is heavily roman catholic so i was in private school from second to eigth grade. sister is born in 2003. i was very artistic and athletic in grade school; played on the basketball team and won most defensive player. adopted my precious baby hershey in 2007 when she was 3 months old. i became a recluse in high school because i met bad people. made the best artworks ive ever done and i was even featured in a lot of galleries. i was also really into fashion, video games, and acoustic guitar. i broke a rib at some point because of ice. almost won prom queen somehow even though i wasnt popular at all?? got my first boyfriend and i was truly in love. did all my first romantic things with him; i never even kissed a guy until then. was a nude model for art classes. went onto community college to prepare for nursing school. didnt do so well because i was dealing with trauma. nearly died and ended up in the hospital for a month. wanted to change my outlook on life so i pushed myself to be outgoing. doing good for a bit but i wasnt really growing as a person because the friends i associated with were mean. got a tumor on my tongue and it damaged the area; cant feel or taste in that part anymore. broke up with bf. big sad. changed college into my first choice. complicated transfer so i was held back from applying to the nursing program. bigger sad. got first tattoo at toronto. back to hospital. decided to reevaluate and cut off toxic factors. became happier and friendlier. got second tattoo in connecticut. made a lot of new friends and went on a lot of dates. still tryna figure shit out. glad to have yall in my current timeline! :)

#p #so thats where im currently at! #not too shabby!! #w #f #life update