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#falling so desperately in love with Rodney
spurious · 2 days
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Taemin's 'Guilty'. It's in my head, do what you like I double dare you
/proceeds to take the “loving you’s a crime” line literally
John doesn’t feel guilty about it.
It’s cognitive dissonance, maybe, but the only people he knows in the military who aren’t operating under some form of cognitive dissonance are the ones who are dumb enough to be scary, no matter where they fall in the chain of command.
So, no, John doesn’t feel particularly guilty about his personal violations of the Uniform Code, never has.
It’s just—things are different, with Rodney.
It’s more than John’s ever had, more than he knows what to do with, and the fact that he’s sure Rodney feels the same way is both comforting and frightening.
They fall into Rodney’s bed together, late nights after whatever latest life-threatening disaster, and John can feel it in the way Rodney holds onto him, hands big and hot on John’s hips, the desperate way he whimpers John’s name against his neck. It’s slow, except when it’s fast; rough, except when it’s gentle, but what it always is, from both of them, is grasping, taking hold of something they’re not supposed to have and clinging hard.
And then, every time, John has to leave before the sun comes up. Every time, he dresses in the darkness and watches Rodney’s back, the steady rise and fall of his breath.
He thinks about what it might be like to see Rodney when he wakes up, to see the sun stream in from the window and light the soft curve of his profile in gold. He thinks about sharing kisses, touches, coffee, about two toothbrushes and a drawer with some of his clothes in it.
He shoves his feet into his boots, checks the hallway with the life signs detector Rodney leaves out on his desk.
John doesn’t feel guilty, but he’s not sure what he does feel is any better.
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winchestersheaven · 7 days
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Smowkie recs McShep
i've been reading a lot of McShep fics lately and a while back i mentioned that i had plans to make a couple of fic rec posts. they're taking me forever to make, but here's the first one, finally!
@wonkyelk was one of the first authors i found, and i've read and loved SO MANY of their fics! wonderful author that made me fall head over heels for the pining!John and oblivious!Rodney trope! 💖
this is by no means an exhaustive list of the fics i loved from them, it's just a small number of the ones i read and enjoyed. my biggest recommendation with this author is to just go read their fics, it's great stuff and their language is delightful.
so here goes, in no particular order:
19 McShep fics by WonkyElk (under the cut, because this got long)
Of Sealing Wax and String 3562 words | Teen author's tags: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, POV Rodney McKay summary:
Rodney had never had so much love in his life that he wasn't desperate to catch all the drops that he could.
Smowkie: there are too many things that i love in this to mention them all, so i'll just add my favorite quote from the fic: "[...] a thoughtful look, albeit one squarely aimed at the floor, which was hardly likely to appreciate it." 💖
You’re the Book That I Have Opened 1834 words | Teen author's tags: Pining John Sheppard, Oblivious Rodney McKay, Character Study, Angst with a Happy Ending, Short, Internalized Homophobia summary:
At eighteen, John Sheppard had known a lot of things. He knew how to dance, with exactly the right level of polite formality. He knew how to ride well and the proper care of a horse. He knew everything about the theory and mathematics of flight. He knew that being a fighter pilot was the absolute dream of his life. And he knew - knew - that he wasn't into guys.
Smowkie: lovely thing, chock-full of John feels, and with this quote: "They sat in silence for a while. Silence was something John could do. It never came out awkward or wrong, you could never blurt out unintentional silence, or get your bits of silence all mixed up and taken out of context." brb, crying about John Sheppard.
How to Disappear Completely 7276 words | Teen author's tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Temporary Character Death, Feelings Realization, POV Alternating summary:
"Look, I know you don’t know me and you’re not aware of the fact that, if you knew I was missing - which you don’t, because I never existed and, even if I did, you wouldn’t have met me yet - then you’d be very, very upset about it … but I really need your help. And, actually, so does the universe."
Smowkie: this one is amazing! mild horror warning for the creepiness in the beginning, that was some well written discomfort! also, so much love the fantastic way WonkyElk chose to show Rodney's mood and vulnerability 💖
New Every Day 2047 words | Gen author's tags: Pining John Sheppard, Oblivious Rodney McKay, Angst, Short, POV John Sheppard, Character Study summary:
Sometimes it seemed like he had to relearn emotions, over and over again.
Smowkie: this one! what a lovely thing. all the John feels. i want to add a couple of quotes here too, but they're right at the end so i'm not doing that, sadly. i can quote "Especially Rodney" though, because especially Rodney 💖
Some Misunderstanding 6193 words | Teen author's tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Human Experimentation, First Kiss, POV Alternating summary:
The path to Ascension was not a smooth one.
Smowkie: this one! UNCOMFY. really really good with a very interesting style, but oof, uncomfy! love it!
All You Need is … 1830 words | Teen author's tags: Short, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst summary:
The thing about love was, that it wasn't enough. It might fill you up and set you alight and hug you close and tear your heart out and pet you gently and hang like a slow-dragging weight around your neck: but, for all of its bullying and grandstanding, it skipped right over all the practical things and let you scramble around to fix those up - or not - as best you might; but definitely with none of its assistance.
Smowkie: this made me all mushy inside, it was great 💖
Flowers and Other Ambiguities 1289 words | Gen author's tags: Pre-Slash, Character Study, POV John Sheppard, Short, Pining John Sheppard, Oblivious Rodney McKay summary:
The field was blossoming in such rich dark blues and purples, with an underlying green, that John was irresistibly put in mind of the ocean, his feet lightly stepping over the water, mindful of the lurking creatures of the deep.
Smowkie: this one holds a special place in my heart. it was one of the first McShep fics i read and it's what really sold me on the pining!John and oblivious!Rodney trope. it's such a wonderful fic, and the pining, man the pining 💖
But Soft … 1645 words | Teen author's tags: Fluff, Alternate Universe - College/University, Theatre, Short summary:
"I'm just suggesting, John, that, perhaps your speeches about Juliet, should not be notably less impassioned than your banter with Mercutio."
Smowkie: i’m generally not interested in AUs for McShep, but i had enjoyed so much from WonkyElk that i read this anyway, and BOY am i glad i did, because i adored this!
Not Early, But Not Too Late 810 words | Teen author's tags: Short, Realisations, Getting Together, First Kiss summary: 
Rodney finally learns the language.
Smowkie: this is just lovely 💖
A Matter of Mugs 2959 words | Teen author's tags: Post-Canon, Break Up, Light Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Oblivious Rodney McKay summary:
Rodney's emotional levels were generally at critical, but, right now, they were straining the banks and spoiling for a flood of world-drowning proportions. This wasn't because of a crisis, nor even anything so petty and ordinary as a mid-life crisis - not that Rodney was old enough for that, slap bang in the very prime of life as he was and intended to remain - but more of a build up of small things and not-so small things, stacking up awkwardly on top of each other and wobbling under the pressure and the terrible engineering choices.
Smowkie: this is a wonderful read, and i love how John comes first for Rodney long before he realizes his feelings for him. also Rodney and Jeannie bonding 💖 (to clarify the break-up tag: i've chosen not to add relationship tags in this post since all fics are McShep, but this fic has both the John/Rodney and the Jennifer/Rodney relationship tags, and the break-up tag is for Jennifer/Rodney)
One Stroke of The Moon 1378 words | Gen author's tags: Short, Episode: s05e06 The Shrine, Light Angst, Team as Family summary:
When the Avarro moon hangs lowest in the sky, ripe and full - so bright and summoning that your head becomes full of it and nothing else exists - then it is, that some climb to the very top of the trees, stretch out their hands and their hopes and touch her on the belly, with a reverent stroke. Those that touch the moon in this way are never the same afterwards. Nor would they want to be.
Smowkie: this is such a lovely thing. the team’s loyalty and love to Rodney is just 💖
A Staff, A Spear 2179 words | Teen author's tags: Character Study, Angst, Pining John Sheppard, Oblivious Rodney McKay, Short, POV John Sheppard summary:
For a time, he had no memory, no self; no pain. Until the sunshine cooled in his blood and the wine left him with a sigh, like a ghost, and his whole personality fell back inside him, with a thump. It was so heavy, being himself again, he could almost have cried.
Smowkie: the fic that made me make this post. this one really hits you smack in the face with John feels. it's heartbreaking and painful in the best of ways. 💖
Setting Parameters 4545 words | Teen author's tags: Hurt/Comfort, Action/Adventure, Virtual Reality, POV Alternating summary:
It absolutely wasn’t a holodeck.
Smowkie: i love a good holodeck disaster story, but this is so much more than just that, and i adore it. the McShep relationship especially, but also Teyla (and Ford too) 💖 much love! and my favorite quote: They rested against each other when they were done, in a way which, to the laymen’s mind, might very easily be confused with snuggling. guys, come on... xD 💖
A Pair of Shadows 2090 words | Teen author's tags: POV Outsider, Rodney and John are Stuck Together, Fluff summary: 
John and Rodney become joined at the hip. This is not metaphorical.
Smowkie: glorious outsider POV fic 💖
Opposite to Blue 1459 words | Teen author's tags: Short, Character Study, References to Depression, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Sheppard summary:
The first time that John had met Rodney McKay he had been brightly, regrettably, orange.
Smowkie: more John feels 💖 Rodney is such a sweetheart in this, and he pretty much killed me with the quote "the wiggly thing your voice did when you called me" 💖
A Sufficiency of Freedom 1342 words | Teen author's tags: Character Study, Short, Light Angst, Pining John Sheppard, Oblivious Rodney McKay, POV John Sheppard summary:
From time to time, people had asked John why he loved to fly.
Smowkie: this has such great imagery, a beautiful insight in John's mind 💖
An Anchor in the Mist 1620 words | Teen author's tags: Short, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, First Kiss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Sheppard summary:
Sometimes, when he was back on Earth, John would look around at the colours, the brightness, the busyness - the sheer number of people, the surrealism of it all - and wonder if it was actually real.
Smowkie: THIS ONE! i adore this one. it's John feels again, and it's hurt/comforty and angsty and sweet and loving and painful and happy and just beautiful. i want to live in this one 💖
To silent ash 1529 words | Teen author's tags: Angst and Feels, Post-Canon, Sad summary:
Dear Jeannie…
Smowkie: ah, pain. it's beautiful and so very sad. read the author's note before the fic and decide if you want the spoilers or not, but either way it's worth it imo, i loved it
Accepting a Complement 1433 words | Gen author's tags: Short, Feelings, working out a relationship summary:
He wasn't sure exactly when he and Sheppard had become 'those two' or 'you two' or 'that pair' to so many people. But, now that the phrase had jumped up and bit him, so to speak, he was very aware that he had heard it too many times to count.
Smowkie: this fic made me feel in love with McShep. i mean, i guess i am in love with McShep, that's sorta how i ship, i see something and fall in love. but this fic, yeah, it brought it out so much that i was just a mess reading it, the whole thing; giddy, grinning, the stomach thing that feels a lot like anxiety but isn't. yeah, i love this one, it made me so happy 💖
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phoenix-flamed · 6 months
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He had to be subtle, Rodney reminded himself as he had done a number of times when it came to the interesting state of his relationship with Elwin. Outdoors, he had sworn to him at least that much. Outdoors and away from prying eyes.
It was a late night, and there was none to pass judgement but the very heavens themselves. Perhaps the chocobo stable was an odd decision for a location, but none would consider coming here so late. Rodney's lips hungrily crashed upon Elwin's own pair, wanting to feel their searing heat upon his own. His Grace, his Archduke, in some circumstances his lover. He would steal him away no matter how late into the eve he would need stay awake to do so. Elwin was his first love, and he had no intent of looking for another man to take his place. Not now or ever.
"My flame." A smirk, bare hands placed upon the older man's hips. "How quick need we make this?"
Oh, to go back to the days of their youth, to those summers spent in Eastpool together. Long days, longer nights, and every moment that Rodney, Hanna, and Elwin spent together was cherished as though it would be their last. Because in truth, it very well could have been; all it would take was the winds of Storm shifting against their favor, and he would be forced apart from them to begin fulfilling the next step of his ducal duties.
Would that fate had not been so unkind. Would that Metia, back then, had listened to his silent pleas. But such things as wishes upon a star were child's play, and he had learned very early on that he was not permitted to be a child.
So much had changed since those days, but there remained two constants: one was the love that the three shared, and the other was their closely-guarded secret relationship. With Hanna, it was easier to hide. But with Rodney, perhaps due to their close proximity to one-another, it was a much different case. Sometimes it was a gaze that lingered just a moment too long, or a touch that seemed far too gentle to the scrutinizing eye. But the two men would always laugh it off, insisting that there was nothing deeper to it -- all while Elwin's heart ached.
But in these moments, these sacred, beautiful moments, there was solace. There was kindness and love, and understanding. Rodney's arms were a sanctuary that the Archduke could retreat to and hide within; he could hide from the world, hide from the wars, hide from the judgmental gazes of and rumors spread by the other nobles, which plagued his marriage and wounded his eldest son. He could even hide from the blood on his hands from the decisions he had made, continued to make, and his own cruelty on behalf of duty.
And so with passion and desperation and a yearning to both give and receive love, and to salve the loneliness he otherwise could never escape from, he dark-haired man returned the kiss. He sought to drown himself in his Lord Commander's affection, forgetting his duties and the battles and the arguments with the other High House representatives, and the emotional void separating the Duchess and himself, and the strain his frequent absences put on his relationship with his beloved sons.
Everything, everything was falling apart around him, it seemed. A leaking, sinking ship -- for every hole he covered, another would spring up in its place. Even the Blight was slowly creeping closer to their territory, and with it crept a gnawing dread and uncertainty on what to do, with no definitive answer in sight.
"My Shield." Compared to the Lord Commander's expression and tone, his lord's was far more sullen. The summers that had gone by since those youthful years now showed visibly on his once-handsome features. Worn by stress and battle, each line and wrinkle telling the tale of another unspoken trouble weighing heavy on both mind and heart. "A few hours, perhaps. So long as we part ways before the first sign of daybreak, it matters not a whit."
Even that simple answer held a hint of sorrow to it.
Those gloved hands skimmed across Rodney's upper back, before one drifted up to the blonde's hair, where fingers lightly brushed through the short strands. Meanwhile, his face was buried against the other's shoulder, just temporarily -- and when it raised again, it was just high enough that he could nuzzle his whiskered cheek against his first love's bearded one.
"Should any of the servants see me on my way back to my bedchamber, I will simply explain that I was unable to sleep, and thus took Eleftherios for a ride to clear my head," he went on to murmur, voice hushed as if someone might overhear them, despite knowing that it was unlikely.
@cagedfirebird
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shetiger · 2 years
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Last Line Fic Meme
Last Line Fic Meme
Rules: List the LAST lines of the last ten (10) stories you published. Look to see any patterns you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any. Then tag some friends.
Tagged by @johnnys-green-pen
I am very curious to see how this turns out! Starting from the most recent:
Success Unexpected in Common Hours (Earth Star Voyager, Jake Brown/Jonathan Hays, explicit, romance with some action plot. 31,000 words.)
This time, their kisses turned hot and desperate, their bodies finally ready to prove to each other that they were alive, and very much in love.
curve myself around you (Stargate Atlantis, Teyla Emmagan/Evan Lorne, explicit, Lorne is her son's father.)
They drifted off to sleep that way, breath-to-breath, heart-to-heart, guarding each other and their family as they slipped off into their dreams.
How Not to Light Bird (Stargate Atlantis, Evan Lorne/John Sheppard, explicit, AU where a D/s sexual relationship is considered normal and expected in the Air Force.)
"You're never mistaken," he said, and dipped his head to meet Evan's, sealing their new bond with a kiss.
Sacred and Silent (Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Dukat/Kira Nerys, explicit, one-night stand initiated by Kira, things get…weird but hot, biologically speaking.)
"That's just fine, Dukat," she says. "Now you know exactly what you'll be missing out on every time I shut you down."
Blue Light Special (Stargate Atlantis, Rodney McKay/John Sheppard, AU where John is a good replicator, and they fall in love. 25,000 words.)
This time, they didn't stop.
scissors (Stargate Atlantis, implied Rodney McKay/John Sheppard, they get tortured by Kolya.) The actual last bit of this is a short poem that brings it all together, but this was my last line:
"This is kind of romantic, after all."
Circle of Light (Criminal Minds, Aaron Hotchner/Derek Morgan, explicit, switching, relationship upgrade.)
"I love you," Hotch says, and releases a band of flashing light into Derek's palm.
Every Touch of Your Hand (Speaks to Me) (Stargate Atlantis, Rodney McKay/John Sheppard, explicit. They get temporarily soulbonded, which leads to sexy, sexy times.)
"Oh, God, I'm going to die," Rodney whimpers, but John just laughs, because he can tell exactly how much Rodney's looking forward to it, too.
Red Dress On (Criminal Minds, Penelope Garcia/Aaron Hotchner, explicit, they celebrate their one-year anniversary on Valentine's Day with a very good time.)
"I'm sure we'll figure it out."
Goodbye Is a New Beginning (Criminal Minds, John Blackwolf/Aaron Hotchner, going into the Witness Protection program together.)
Aaron dipped his head and John, as always, anticipated what he wanted, moving so they could rest their foreheads together and simply breathe.
Results:
Well, I always purposefully try to have a wrap up sentence that feels right from a rhythm perspective, and I feel like that rhythm comes through looking at these, for the most part.
It's kind of weird when it's just part of the dialogue?
You can tell the Kira/Dukat isn't a romantic fic, lol.
I'm a big shmoopy romantic.
There are two marriage proposals in here, and three equivalent commitments.
I don't know what else? Last lines are even worse to write than first lines, woe.
Sorry none of my E! fic was included in this! Maybe I'll just do one for my E! stories. I've written *a lot* this year. (And lol, so much of it is smutty, because I signed up to several smut exchanges.)
Tagging: @kuwdora and…I don't know who of my usual subjects are writing currently? I haven't been seeing much fic come across my dash. Tagging anyone else who wants to do this!
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college students will get isekai'd into a post-rapture timeline after falling asleep on a tour bus and be like "can't help being a firefly!"
Name: Celen Latreille
Aliases: Robert, Dave, various others
Gender/Pronouns: Nonbinary, they/them
Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Bisexual
Age: 28
Birthdate: 8/28
Occupation: Dimension hopper/freelance protagonist (formerly literature major)
Height: 5'4"
Build: Petite
Skin Tone: Pale
Hair: Purple (formerly black)
Eyes: One black, one purple (formerly blue)
Identifying Marks: Antennae, elytra resembling firefly wings
Appearance: A friendly-faced individual with short hair cut into blunt bangs, a comfy purple turtleneck sweater with a moon insignia on it, pink shorts, and sandals. Somehow this look never seems to stick out. It's unclear when, exactly, their appearance changed to its current state from the way they looked in their home dimension.
Personality: A dyed-in-the-wool people pleaser that only got more so after their parents died. They are a genuinely kind person who cares deeply for their loved ones, but the price they pay for that kindness is an inability to express their anger and a problem sticking up for themselves. They're also a hard worker and a quick learner, two skills that lend themselves well to their current predicament.
Motivations: Desperation for answers and any clue they can find to a path, genuine desire to help others
Current Goal: Find out why they're in this situation; survive
Life Goal: Get back to their home dimension, reunite with their sibling, finish college
Motto: "Always believe in a way out"
Best Quality: Adaptable and resilient
Worst Quality: Doormat
Fears: Being alone, heights, silence
Hobbies: Reading, gaming, exploring, gardening
Talents: Gifted storyteller, good brain for academic pursuits, can sing
Skills: Parkour, archery, problem solving, flying, understanding symbolism in dense books
Alignment: Neutral Good
Group/Organizational Affiliations: None; the entity that employs them considers itself an individual
Family: Zolin Latreille (younger sibling)
Best Friends: Embargo [source map: Cipher], Rodney [source map: This Side Up]
Relationship Status: Single
Significant Other: None, but has their eye on someone
Other Relationships: Pano [no source map but based on the way Diversity 3 map creators portrayed themselves in the branches] (cosmic deity employing them, frenemy), Cipher [source map: Cipher] (defeated foe, yet target of pity)
Secret: They're starting to forget small details of their original life and they're terrified they might lose it entirely if they don't get back there soon.
Influential Memory: Waking up in a Paris tour bus on a winter night, completely alone in a deserted city.
Role Model: None
Crush: Embargo
Source of Embarrassment: They're small for their age and not always taken seriously because of it.
Source of Pride: They are very good at what they do for someone who got thrown into it against their will.
Backstory: Born the oldest of two siblings, Celen lead a peaceful life until losing their parents at the age of thirteen, after which a relative took them and their younger sibling Zolin in. It quickly became clear that their relative was only doing this out of obligation to the kids' parents, whose will mandated that the children were to be kept together, placed with family, and taken care of until both of them reached legal adulthood. The two had food and a roof over their heads but were expected to more or less take care of themselves beyond that. As such, Celen basically raised Zolin throughout most of their adolescence, and the two were inseparable. At the age of nineteen, Celen was in college on a scholarship, and their on-campus job had allowed them to scrape together enough money to afford a study abroad trip to Paris. The night before they left, they got into an argument with Zolin--neither sibling remembers the cause now, just that they deeply regret having had the argument--and the two still weren't talking to each other when Celen left for the airport. When they boarded the bus to the hotel after the plane landed, they decided that they'd call Zolin to bury the hatchet once they reached the hotel. Jet lag soon caught up with them, and they fell asleep, waking up completely alone...
Maps Canon To Their Storyline: The Tourist (link is to the remastered version but it credits the original creator), Diversity 3, Cipher, This Side Up, Whereas In A Parallel Universe
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theenbynightingale · 2 years
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Rating Total Drama ships that showed up when playing with the generator! (Pt. 11)
Started playing around with the generator again when I was kinda bored a while back and kept saving ships so we’re back here. :)
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Alejandro and Dave (or Aledave): Ya know how in the finale, Dave was convinced that Sky was leading him on the whole season so she could get again (even tho she only did it on purpose on that episode)? I can totally see Alejandro doing that to Dave for a full season. And who wouldn’t fall for Al? I can’t say I’d ship it but it be a funny mini-arc. Rating: 5.5/10
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Brick and Eva (or Brickva): Dawn famously said Brick had a need to be dominated. Who’s more dominant than Eva? It’d basically be Jo x Brick on steroids. I’m not sure if I’d ship but these two would have a very funny dynamic. Rating: 6/10
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Crimson and Shawn (or Crimshawn): Wouldn’t ship, as I love these guys already with their respective partners but it would be very funny to see Shawn be convinced for a whole season that Crimson and Ennui were vampires. Rating: 5/10
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Gwen and Max (or Gwax): Most of these ships I’m posting so far seem to be “wouldn’t it be funny if they met”. Max was desperate to convince people he was evil. Gwen was desperate to convince people she was good. The interesting part would come in if Max basically worshiped Gwen as an evil genius after All-Stars. Certainly would be funnier than most of what we’ve seen of him. Rating: 4/10
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Gwen and Taylor (or Gwaylor): It would take every ounce of her being for Gwen to NOT punch Taylor in the face. Rating: 3/10
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Jen and Leonard (or Jenard): She would get him a better wizard’s robe at least! I don’t think we’ve seen enough of these characters to know if there was something there to have in common but, again, it’d be funny. Rating: 4/10
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Lindsay and Anne Maria (or Lindsay Maria? Lindsanne? Marindsay? idk): Ya know what? I’m okay with this. I think it would start off with Anne Maria not really liking Lindsay at first but I think they’d really enjoy each other’s company. If not a ship, I can totally see them eventually being friends. And that means Anne Maria would KILL for her. Rating: 7.5/10
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Rodney and Emma (or Rodma): Wouldn’t ship but wouldn’t we ALL simp for Emma the way Rodney probably would? I mean, c’mon! Rating: 3.5/10
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Kitty and Sammy/Samey (or Samty): Now that I think about it, YES! Emma and Kitty were a much better version of the twins from PI and Sammy needs love. Kitty would adore the hell out of Sammy unconditionally because she’s a ray of sunshine and she would not take any of Amy’s shit. She would basically be the positive for Sammy needs and Sammy would finally HEAL. Rating: 9/10
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Sanders and Courtney (or Sandney): I can see these two getting along at first because they’re by the book people. But I’d also imagine Sanders getting very tired of Courtney the way most other characters did. But honestly, considering how they are it’d be more of a “You’re such a headache but you’re my headache!” than them hating each other. These two crazy kids can make it work. Rating: 7/10
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Stephanie and Ezekiel (or Stephekiel): Look. We all know Stephanie is fucking crazy. If Ezekiel were go on his “Guys are better at stuff than girls” spiel, she would beat him to a pulp. And that would either make him terrified of her or he’d be her simp for life. Rating: 5/10
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Zoey and Owen (or Zowen): They’re both real nice. They’d vibe with each other pretty well. They’d be real good friends if nothing else. Rating: 6/10
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Love Cuts Deep
Chapter 10- These Are Strange Times
Summary: Could something positive be truly on the horizon? With the random intrusion of though-to-be-dead Scott Lang at the Avengers Facility, your hope for seeing Bucky again may have yet to be a possibility.
Warning: yeah nothing enjoy the ride
Masterlist
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-Five years since the Blip-
Throwing on a dark sleeveless top, you suddenly feel the overwhelming urge to sneeze which evidently causes your little furry companion to startle at the unexpected noise. The furry tigress lets out a meow of protest that pulls forth a humored snicker from you, while the little beast sends you an annoyed look.
Recovering her bearings in a flash, she walks across the short wooden dresser like a model strutting on the runway, her thick mane of mahogany and dark chocolate fur glossy and adequately brushed to perfection, just how your spoiled Main Coon, Silver, likes it.
She purrs happily as she begins playing with Bucky’s dog tags that lay across the small dresser top.
“What are you do..? Oh give me that you little shit.” Silver ignores you until she’s rudely lifted and placed firmly on the carpeted floor before you snatch up the valuable memorabilia. Placing it around your neck where it belongs then glancing down to give her a casual shrug, “Don’t give me that look Silv, I bought you a cool bird feathered cat toy like three days ago. What happened to that?” Silver meows, running her head against your worn out old boots as you smile, “Guess it’s as good as dead huh, you little beast. Now you staying or coming with me to find Nat?” Nothing but purrs of affection.
You lean down to gently rub her head before standing up fully and heading for the door, Silver hot on your heels. Soon you’re both traveling down the hallway until you finally reach the large study. Natasha’s on a conference call with Carol, Rodney, Okoye, and the last two guardians of the galaxy, Rocket and Nebula. And by the looks of it, nothing new has been reported. How disappointing.
Soon they all log off, leaving Natasha alone with Rodney who stays to give Nat a little insight into Barton’s violent whereabouts from the last couple years since he’s been rouge. Apparently he took out a whole cartel in Mexico, so he’s been busy. Definitely not keeping up with those group therapy sessions Steve makes you go to to help cope with the loss. Not that you’ve actually been that consistent with them if we’re being real here.
Quickly enough, Rodney logs out, leaving a tearfully conflicted Natasha as she slouches in her comfy swivel chair. Head in her hands as she holds back the waterfall that threatens to spill within her. You take a step forward, leaning casually against a steel rimmed display area for random nick-nacks. “I’d join you in the fun, but I’m limiting my crying sessions between 1 and 2 in the morning on Tuesdays. So, uh....I brought Silver.” You smile, pointing a finger down to your loyal companion, “Well I guess she brought herself but you know.”
Natasha breaks out into a reluctant grin, genuinely happy to have a bit of positive company within her gloom, “And you didn’t even want her to begin with.” Laughs the red head, “Now I never see one without the other.”
You nod with an almost shy smile, “Yeah, she’s alright.” 
You hear soft movement making its way through the hallway behind you just as Silver meows when Steve casually saunters into the room, coming to stand next to your side as the furry beast paws at his shoes, “What are you here for? Doing some laundry?” You tease at the tall blonde.
Steve smiles at your little jab since he’s not usually always present, doing Captain America stuff and whatnot, “Just here to see some friends.”
Natasha chuckles through glossy eyes, “Well clearly your friends are doing just fine.” Steve knowingly nods paired with a small smile, both you and Natasha look relatively well kept and functional as usual. It’s just, there’s a palpable pain and hidden darkness that always appears to simmer lowly on the surface. Just enough for a skilled eye like Steve’s to notice.
“Exactly.” You add, wandering over to sit cross legged on Natasha’s desk as Steve moves to lean against the display, “But if you’re here to tell us to look on the bright side...”
“I’m gonna hit you in the head with this peanut butter sandwich.” Finishes Natasha with a pursued lipped grin as the 90 year old nods. “Um, right. Force of habit.” Admits Steve, pushing himself off the surface to find a seat next to you and directly across from Natasha. 
The three of you keep to a mutual silence for a long moment until he finally speaks, “You know,” Starts Steve thoughtfully, “I keep telling everybody they should move on...and grow. Some do.” He pauses for a moment as you frown, Natasha looking elsewhere as Steve finally continues, “But not us.”
She shakes her head, “If we move on, who does this?”
“Maybe it doesn’t need to be done.” Suggests Steve, he means well of course, but maybe he’s right after all, its been five fucking years with absolutely nothing to make for it. Nothing of any significant progress or even a possible way to fix what's happened. 
Natasha blinks through bleary eyes of saddened green while you pet Silver’s furry mane, refusing to give in to that notion, “No.” You whisper softly, causing them to look at you, “We can’t, it wouldn’t be right...at least,” You let out a gentle sigh, “at least not for me....before all of this, before I met all of you. I had nothing.” You admit thoughtfully, “Not a soul in the world who gave a damn whether I lived or died. Then I found Bucky, then I found this. This.....family. And because of it, I’m better off now then I was ten years ago.”
They keep a respectful silence as your breaths become shaky, teary eyes now trained onto Silver’s little ears, “And I know they’re gone now, believe me I fucking know it, but I’m still trying to be better.” Natasha nods in deep understanding, a couple stray tears falling down her cheeks as Steve crosses his arms.
“I think we all need to get a life.” He muses, his tone light as he tries to pull you two back from the edge of grief. You give him a friendly nudge at his annoying brotherliness, “You first.” He chuckles as you throw him a playful glare while Natasha checks an incoming call.
“Oh, hi! Hello! Is anyone home?” Speaks a man frantically from one of the security cameras, an orange van behind him, “This is, uh, Scott Lang. We met a few years ago at the airport.....in Germany?” Now you’ve got his attention.
“What the fuck?” You mutter in bewilderment at the blue tinged image of Scott as Steve and Nat share a confused glance, the three of you quickly rising to your feet while Scott keeps talking about who he is, how he got here, and what he’s learned about the world so far.
“Is this an old message?” Wonders Steve as he studies the image of Scott who’s still waving his hands up at the security camera.
“It’s the front gate.” Replies Natasha with a hopeful smile.
——
All you came here to do was shoot the shit with Natasha and maybe make some actual dinner, but here you are, laying across the study’s plush couch as Scott rambles on and on about the quantum realm. Whatever that happens to actually be, you’ve never heard of anything like that before, but then again you didn’t know aliens existed at one point. So perhaps anything's possible.
Silver brushes her fluffy head across your fingers as they dangle over the couches edge while Scott keeps at his long-winded tellings of how he got there, what it was like, that he’s been technically gone for only five hours, and now he thinks there’s a way to enter this new plane of existence and travel to a fresh alternate reality. Like through a time machine type deal, or whatever he’s on about.
Apparently he means one before Thanos. But it honestly sounds like a load of horseshit and gibberish coming from a desperate man refusing to acknowledge that this is the new shit reality. There’s no fucking way that’s even goddamn possible, right? No way. 
Maybe?
Drifting back out of your doubtful thoughts, you swiftly move yourself into a seated position as Scott begins to self doubt. Head lowering as he mumbles about how crazy that it. You start chuckling as he throws you an almost embarrassed look. “Scott.” You speak to gather his attention, “Nat gets emails from a raccoon. Your idea is admittedly a bit nuts, but nothings that crazy anymore considering all the wild shit I’ve witnessed in the past six years. So I don’t know, maybe there’s a way.”
Scott flashes a hopeful smile as his brows furrow in thought, uncertainty seeping right back into him, “So, uh...who do we talk to about this?”
——
“Stark! Miss us?” You shout at Tony as he holds Morgan in his left arm, an Ironman helmet grasped firmly in the right. He gives the four of you a less then enthusiastic nod of acknowledgment before wordlessly turning around and taking a step up onto the wooden porch.
You give Steve a shrug, “He misses us I can tell.”
Soon Tony let’s Morgan go off to play with you as you opt in to be the babysitter slash distraction from the grownups who are currently discussing if time travel and gathering the stones for ourselves is even a possibility, or even a palpable option that can be done. You skillfully listen to everything they’re saying as the little Stark shows off her array of multiple plant-life assortments picked from the local greenery.
“So I got this cone from that tree over there and then I put a frog in a glass but dad said I had to let him go so I did.” Babbles on the five year old as you entertain her constant musings.
You raise a brow, knowing her shenanigans all too well, “Is he in the garden?”
She mischievously smirks, sneakily peaking over at Tony who’s seated up on the porch, before giving you a nod, “Yeah. I made him a little house from some flat rocks I found too. I named him Froggo.”
You chuckle, “Oh really, Froggo? I like it, has a nice ring to it.” She nods in delight before walking into her tiny tent to retrieve something new as you catch either Scott or Steve saying something about a time heist, what the hell are they going on about now?
“Y/N! Look at this!” Calls Morgan excitedly while bursting out of the tent to run on short legs over to you who’s seated comfortably in the grass, “I got a cool rock from the lake but I didn’t get to show you last time cause you left early.”
Raising your brows in surprise, though you don’t exactly feel as thrilled as she is, you make sure she knows you care, “Woah! A cool rock from the lake, why Morgan I gotta see this.”
“Look.” She hands you a dull grey rock with a tiny fossil shell indentation on it, “It’s from the dinosaurs.”
Examining the small round object, you nod, “Next thing you know I’ll come back to a whole dinosaur excavation site. Impressive Professor Grant, I’m thoroughly amazed.”
She giggles in excitement, “Y/N I know what that means now.” You give her an inquiring look as she smiles proudly, “That’s from Jurassic Park.”
“And your dad let you watch that, with the big Trex eating the goat and everything?” You tease before handing her the prized object, “Next thing I know you’re going to have a whole dinosaur skeleton in your house.”
“Yeah that would be cool. Thanks ninja turtle.” Cackles Morgan as she hugs her rock, smiling brightly as you throw her a puzzled look before joining in on the laughter. “Okay, now you’ve lost me kid, I can’t say I have any idea what you’re talking about.”
She shrugs innocently, “Dad told me to call you that.” Clearly not understanding what she just called you either. A ninja turtle? The fuck is a ninja turtle?
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” You muse before looking up to the four of them getting closer to a heated discussion, “Alright Morgs let’s go save your dad before he decides never to invite us back for dinner again.” You add, quickly rising to your feet as she laughs before racing past you, on a beeline for Tony.
You choose to stay out of the conversation and instead wait for Steve, Natasha, and Scott to start walking back towards the car. You lean against the metal as Steve round the corner before catching your eye as he goes down the three steps, “Are we banished from the castle? I was kinda hoping not cause I actually like Pepper’s cooking.”
Steve smiles, “No. He’s not gonna help us is all.”
“Damn that’s shitty.” You retort with a tinge of genuine disappointment, you don’t completely believe this shit is even possible. But dammit if you don’t want them to at least try for all it’s worth. “So what now? I’m guessing you bastards aren’t gonna let this go anytime soon. And cause Tony’s out for the count, we obviously need some different brain power.”
Steve nods while walking closer to the car, “We wanna do this right. So, yeah, we’re gonna need a really big brain.”
Scott turns from Steve to point a thumb in Tony’s general direction, face a mask of confused puzzlement, “Bigger then his?”
-
After a less then pleasant adventure to some cozy little diner in New Jersey where the four of you were subjected to Banner in his weird Hulkness body or whatever the hell he is now. Turns out he was most definitely on board for this time traveling experimentation. Of course he was, the weirdo takes fucking selfies with children nowadays. 
So here you five are now, in the giant glass and metal garage of the Avengers Facility getting things ready for whatever nonsense is about to take place next. The back of Scott’s orange van closed for the moment, keeping hidden some reactor core thing behind its doors. Scott in some safety quantum realm suit while Banner and Natasha stand behind a large intricate assembly of high tech equipment in preparation for the events to hopefully follow.
You keep an amused yet genuinely curious stance off to the side as Bruce gives you a thumbs up, nodding, you face Scott who’s walking over to the van. “Okay, here we go. Time travel test number one everybody! Scott get that bitch open!” You shout with a small bout of rare enthusiasm while he opens up the doors.
“Emergency generators are on standby.” Announces Steve as he walks into view from behind some large plastic containers covered in safety rope.
Banner nods, “Good, because if we blow the grid, I don’t wanna lose, uh..” He points a green thumb at Scott who’s getting his helmet ready, “Tiny here in the 1950’s.”
Scott’s head snaps up in an instant, “Excuse me?” He worries.
Natasha smiles while looking down at her touch pad, “He’s kidding.” She sing songs before shaking her head up at Banner, “You can’t say things like that.”
Banner turns around to face a fearful Scott as you snort at the small bout of humor that you did happen to find rather amusing. Then again, you’re not the labs guinea pig, so instead you casually shrug while giving Scott a half persuasive grin and a thumbs up of reassurance, “Bad joke.” You add as Bruce nervously laughs, “Yeah, it was a bad joke.”
Scott nods apprehensively before turning to walk over to the reactor, appearing to believe the two of you, “You were kidding, right?” Asks Natasha as you raise a brow at Bruce in question. Albeit a smidge doubtful he actually one-hundred percent knows what he’s doing.
“I have no idea.” Whisper yells Banner, confirming your suspicions, “We’re talking about time travel here. Either it’s all a joke, or none of it is.” Explains Bruce, suddenly smiling as he lifts his attention back over to Scott, “We’re good!” He shouts with a positive thumbs up of that prominently famous green.
“Oh we’re so fucked.” You mutter humorously while Natasha shares an uncertain look with you.
“Get your helmet on.” States Banner as Scott does just that, “Scott, I’m gonna send you back a week...let you walk around for an hour, then bring you back in 10 seconds. Make sense?”
Scott smiles brightly, waving him off with confidence, “Perfectly not confusing.” He muses with an almost annoyingly positive expression.
“Good luck Scott. You got this.” Encourages Steve while Scott grins proudly. “You’re right. I do, Captain America.” Then just like that’s he’s gone, sucked into the reactor like a crumb into a vacuum cleaner.
“On a count of three..” Begins Banner, “Three, two, one.” Bruce flips some switches as the machine whirs before a second later and there’s Scott. In the body of a teen. “Uh, guys? This doesn’t feel right.” Worries teen Scott as his brows furrow in confusion, clearly not aware of how he looks. This just got interesting.
“What’s going on?” Questions Steve as Bruce urgently flicks more switches. “Who is that?” Wonders Natasha as you snort at teen Scott, snickering at how absolutely ridiculous your life is becoming and the weird shit you’re adding to the list.
“Oh my god he looks so innocent, like before the world hurt him.” You muse as Natasha’s brows raise in bewilderment, giving you a side glance as she focuses back on the person in question. “Is that, Scott?”
“Yes, it’s Scott!” Protests the sassy little 14 year old before whoosh and he’s gone once again while Banner squats down out of view to mess with some more buttons. A hot second later Scott’s back, this time looking significantly different.
“Oh, my back!” Complains the short wrinkly 80 year old man, Steve sending the back of Bruce a troubled look, “What is this?”
“Hold on a second. Could I get a little space guys.”
Steve hastily jogs around Bruce as he makes his way over to you and Nat, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you bring him back?”
“I’m working on it.” Mumbles Banner with underlying urgency as he flicks more switches in hopes of getting a better result, whoosh, and Scott’s gone again before reappearing as a...
“It’s a baby.” Deadpans Steve in astonishment.
You burst with laughter, “It’s Scott! Let’s just keep him this way so we don’t have to hear him ramble about how amazing you are, Captain America.” You tease playfully as Steve throws you a what-the-fuck kinda expression. “Y/N! He’s a baby!”
“He‘ll grow.” Adds Bruce as you shrug in agreement. Crossing your arms as you study baby Scott, “Steve you can change the diapers.”
“Bring Scott back.” Urges Steve as he ignores you and Banners amusement of the situation.
“Alright fine.” Chides Bruce, “When I say kill the power, kill the power.”
Natasha rushes past you while mumbling, “Oh, my God.” As you await for Bruce’s fantastic technological skills.
“And....kill it!” Natasha turns the breaker switch downwards and a moment later Scott’s back, this time fully Scott. Whether that’s good or not is debatable.
He stands there, arms open and face twisted in confusion, “Somebody peed my pants. But I don’t know if it was baby me or old me.......Or just...me me.” Speculates Scott as you snort in amusement.
“It was probably just you.”
He sends you an unsure look that’s half offended yet he can’t exactly counter that claim considering he’s just jumped between three different age groups of himself. Bruce claps his hands together before spreading his arms out wide in excitement, “Time travel!” He shouts enthusiastically as Steve shakes his head before turning to walk elsewhere, “What?” Wonders Bruce, “I see this as an absolute win. 
——
In the following weeks after Banner’s half-successful attempt at legitimate time travel, Tony and Rocket have been toiling away tirelessly on Starks actual time machine since he’s agreed to help fix the mess that Thanos left behind. The Avengers base has honestly never been busier; with Tony, Banner, and Rocket working on the giant machine. Everyone else is going about their business helping when needed and hoping for good news.
So here you are now, in the middle of the night with all light sources retired for the evening, hanging out in the kitchen with a bowl of watermelon chunks in your hand, and greatly enjoying the recently rare peace and quiet. Though soon your silent midnight snacking is disrupted when the sounds of human feet padding on tile reaches your ears from down the hallway. Dammit.
The lights flicker on in an instant, blinding your vision for a brief moment before they adjust accordingly to find the blue eyes of Steve, he yelps in surprise, hand holding his chest as he relaxes once more when he realizes it’s just you. Then he does a double take, considering you’re seated crossed legged on the counter with a bowl of watermelon, “Uh, hey there Y/N.”
You nod, awkwardly taking a bite out of your snack, “Steve.”
He raises a curious brow, deciding to step farther into the large kitchen area, “Huh, never seen anyone eat watermelon like that before, but I respect it.” Says the blonde, nodding towards the chopsticks held in your right hand.
“Yeah. Less of a mess.” He nods before taking a Gatorade out of the fridge, “Mind if I sit?”
“Go for it.” He nods before promptly seating himself next to the marble table. “So, eating in the dark? Your inner night owl keeping you from sleeping again?”
You shrug, “I can kinda see in the dark so....yeah, a bit of a night owl.” You admit with a growing frown, not sure why you suddenly feel so down in the dumbs again, “....guess I haven’t really slept well for some time now....well, now since I think about it actually, I probably don’t get as much sleep as your average person.”
“I get that, yeah....I know what you mean.” Lightly chuckles Steve in understanding, taking a small moment of silence to let his mind think of something to sway the atmosphere away from an awkward tension. Parting his eyes away from his clasped hands, he looks up to meet your stoic gaze, “You think all this is possible? I mean they’ve made some real progress and I guess Tony really knows what he’s doing. Still after all this time I can’t help but find it amazing.”
Pursing your lips together in thought, you let a small sigh emit from your parted lips before answering, “I hope so, cause if not. Well, guess that would be as expected.” You admit with a frown, “Maybe that’s just how it’s supposed to go....a fitting punishment for my lengthy list of crimes. I guess that’s fair.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.” Counters Steve as he sends you a sympathetic look, “What happened to you isn’t your fault, neither is what they made you do, or everything Thanos did to the universe....”
“Yeah, guess you’re probably right....it’s just...just so difficult to move on you know? From all of it, everything swirling in my head, and even though it’s been five fucking years now. I still think of that shit, even worse, I still think of Bucky every single day, I miss him.....I just, I miss all of them.” You admit sadly, setting your snack down as Steve takes a moment to reflect on his own losses.
Suddenly his lips curl into a humored smile as he shakes his head, eyes looking down at the table before they connect with your curious ones, “God he was so different back in the 40’s....Y/N you wouldn’t believe the stuff we got up to, jeesh, the stuff he got up to.” Chuckles Steve as you raise an intrigued brow. 
“Alright Rogers care to elaborate?” You press with a growing smile at the thought of Bucky and learning more about him, “Bucky never told me a whole lot about that time. Considering he’ll probably never get the chance, I think I’d like to learn more about him and what shit you people did back then.”
“Aren’t you from the 1950′s?” Inquires Steve with a humored grin as you wave him off.
“Yeah, yeah, I was a baby back then I don’t remember what happened okay,” You explain, “I was born in 53 alright, and let’s not forget I didn’t exactly have a normal childhood.”
Steve nods, “Right. Fair point.....Okay so..” He laughs, “There was this one time and if you knew me back in the day, of course I was getting in an unsolicited scuffle with some boys who thought it was funny to argue with the paperboy.”
Raising a brow, you begin to smile as his eyes light up, “An unsolicited scuffle?” You muse, “Or is this when skinny Steve got his ass kicked by a couple of mangy dogs?”
“Dogs. Yeah that’s probably more fitting, well you know, of course I had to step in and do something.”
“As expected.” You quickly add as he continues.
“Which I did. And let me tell you they were not a fan. Those assholes ran me for two blocks till I got cornered in some market when who would you know it.....Bucky was there, taking some cute strawberry blonde out for a date while he got groceries for his mom.” Chuckles Steve, blue eyes shimmering with the humorous memories coming back to him about his old friend.
You heart subconsciously swells with the thought of Bucky, “Clever man. Sweet talk your girl while doing something useful.”
“Exactly. I would have gotten a bloody nose if he hadn’t thrown a tomato right at the biggest guys head. That thing coated his hair like red paint, then...” Steve balls his fist as he presses it against his mouth to try and keep himself from losing it with laughter, “...then, his friend turned around and smack! Another tomato right in his face.”
Snickering in amusement, you run a hand down the side of your face at the vivid image forming in your head, “oh Bucky..”
“It was pretty damn accurate too. The other guy booked it down the sidewalk before Buck could get him. Then when he started walking towards us, the other guys took off like a couple of scared birds....fortunately leaving me with no bruises that day.” Says Steve proudly, no doubt thinking fondly on that old memory, “Then of course he told me I gotta be more careful and all that stuff, I said I was fine and he want back to shopping with that girl......huh, don’t think I ever saw her again, well....at least with him.”
“Don’t blame her, he sounded like a real ladies man back in the day, she probably got too jealous.” You joke with a small brow wiggle before your smile lessens again, God you miss him so fucking much, “Thanks Steve.....he seemed, so different. It’s just when I knew him, when I first met him that is, Bucky was very different.”
Steve’s face looses it’s once vibrant glow, he keeps a steady gaze set on you now, knowing your time with him was such a chilling contrast to Bucky in the 40’s. You sigh, “I think I would have liked to see that version of Bucky just once, but I liked the Bucky I got after everything we went through.....after everything’s that’s happened. Maybe 40’s Bucky wouldn’t even look in my direction, I’d probably scare the socks off of him anyways.”
Steve shakes his head, “No way Y/N, you’d have him wrapped around your finger so fast, not a doubt in my mind he’d do anything for you in a heartbeat. That’s just who he was, a player yes, but a kind one who treated everyone with respect through that famous charm of his.....and you, you’d have caught his attention in an instant.”
Looking down at your hands, you raise the corner of your lips into a small half grin at the thought of Sergeant Barnes losing it all to the dangerous vixen that is no doubt yourself, now that’s an interesting thought indeed. Bucky in the 40′s, how about that.
“Maybe you’re right, maybe you’re not....but I know one thing. That I’m glad to have even known him at all, he was...so special and he didn’t even know it.” You pause for a moment, lips pursing together as you think fondly of your past lover. Steve keeps silent, studying your disheartened features as you gather your words, “So if, if they can somehow do this....if it’s even actually possible to get those fucking stones again. I’ll do whatever it takes, Steve.”
Whatever it takes.
-
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frankthesnek · 3 years
Note
12 or 18 for McShep for the prompt list, pretty please!
Thank you for the prompt ☺ Already did 12: Things you said when you thought I was asleep so that just means...
18: Things you said when you were scared
Darkness. That's all there was surrounding them. Darkness and damp stone walls. 
Getting captured had been stupid. John still couldn't believe he'd let his guard down long enough to let it happen, but here they were. Captured and thrown into a jail cell so small a broom closet would feel like an open floor plan house.
Squeezed in behind him was Rodney. He could feel the other man's back moving, his chest rising and falling in quick rattling breaths.
"This is--this is it," Rodney muttered, voice tight with panic. "This is where I'm going to die. I'm going to suffocate in here, do you have any idea how little air is in a room this size?"
"We are not going to die here," John reassured firmly. "The others are still out there somewhere. They'll get us out."
"But not fast enough! We'll be out of air before then."
"I doubt this cell is air tight McKay," John said calmly. 
"But what if it is? The stone work looked really sound. And did you see how many doors we passed on the way here! There are hundreds of these god forsaken boxes--they won't find us, they won't! This is it, we're going to die here."
The other man was trembling violently, John could feel it against his back. "McKay, you have to calm down."
"Do you have any idea how pointless it is to tell someone facing a phobia to calm down! It's an irrational fear Colonel, if I could calm down it wouldn't be a phobia!" Rodney screamed, voice high pitched and echoing against the confines of the cell.
"I get that McKay, but you need to--"
"No, no you don't get it," Rodney interrupted, and there was the sound of scratching as he palmed and clawed at the wall he was crammed up against. 
"What are you doing?" John asked and listened for a moment longer, feeling the shift of Rodney's body along with the sound he put it together and frowned. "Stop that you're going to hurt yourself."
"I have to do something!" Rodney squeaked desperately. "Oh God there are so many things I haven't gotten to do. Like, like…"
There was a pause and utter quiet for a few beats. John was relieved thinking Rodney had somehow come across a train of thought that had calmed him down. 
"Sheppard--John," the other man finally spoke again.
John hummed and shifted to glance over his shoulder, not that he could see anything in the dark.
"I think--I think I'm in love with you. I think I have been for a while."
"McKay stop," John huffed, rolling his eyes.
"I'm a dying man! And if I want to confess my love before I die then I get to do that, because what if by some miracle you feel the same way, and I never said anything, and we both just went on thinking we could never have anything--not that it matters now. We're both going to die and you don't love me and none of this matters...oh God does the air seem thin to you?"
The horrible scratchy sound of Rodney pawing the wall was back and John grit his teeth. He was pissed for two reasons now. 
One, because they were in this situation and Rodney couldn't calm down. And two, of all the times he picked now to say something?
John grunted and started shifting. He had no space to work with and it wasn't easy, but he managed to turn around so his front was pressed to Rodney's back.
"Rodney," he said, trying to be as gentle as he could. He didn't have much space to move but he managed to get his hands up enough to grab Rodney's sides, gripping the solidness of his ribs. 
"I love you," Rodney sobbed.
"Stop it," John demanded.
"No I do, I'm sure now. You see, you realize things when you're dying and probably oxygen deprived and I--"
"Stop!" John hissed, squeezing his hands against Rodney's ribs. "I don't want to hear another word about this 'I love you' crap. Not here, not like this. When we get out of here--because we will get out--then you can tell me. That's when I want to hear it, when it's you talking, not the claustrophobia."
"You mean that?" Rodney asked, voice small and weak.
"Yes, Rodney I mean it. And that means I can't die here and neither can you. So just, calm down." John stroked his fingers over Rodney's sides in small circles, the most comforting gesture he could manage in their current position.
John felt the other man take a few deep breaths and slowly, slowly he started to relax.
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rons-hermiones · 3 years
Text
Come Find Me
Come Find Me
by rons-hermiones
Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)
Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.
Chapter Twenty Eight
Ron sent the owl out last night. He didn’t write much. He knew he didn’t have to. 
Fred and George would do as they were told, for once knowing the severity and seriousness of his requests. 
So now, he sat anxiously by his window awaiting their reply. 
When he woke up the next morning and saw an owl tapping at his window with a small parcel, he almost leaped in excitement. 
However, as he read the tag from his Mum and Dad, his face dropped in disappointment. He almost forgot, he’s seventeen today. 
Seventeen is a big deal in the wizarding world. You’re free to do magic outside of school, you can get an apparating license. He’s a legal adult. He can buy his own flat, drop out of school, get married, have free reign of his vault down at Gringotts. 
He should be excited. Over the moon with this new found freedom. 
But he’s not. 
The one thing he wants, it seems that no one can give him. 
The second best thing to that, Fred and George’s response, has yet to come. 
Bugger Birthday’s he thought as he collapsed back on his bed. 
He’d left the dining hall moments ago. The mass of Gryffindor begged him to stay for pudding, saying it was his birthday after all, but he declined. Made up some barmy lie that his Mum sent him some candy he wanted to have at. He promised them he’d meet them in the common room in an hour. 
Another lie. 
He was missing Hermione more than ever today. It was his first birthday in what, six years, that she wasn’t around to give him a gift. 
It would probably have been some book. He would’ve pretended he wouldn’t read it, but he would. He always did. 
There’s even a stack of all the ones he’s gifted them under his bed at the Burrow. He scanned through them all at least three times. Something about her picking out the various texts whilst she thinks of him is just so special. 
Merlin, I’m mental.  
He shakes his head trying to veer his thoughts from what could have been today. Instead he directs his mind to something he can understand. Something that’s simple enough, routine. 
You’re hungry. You eat. You wait. You’re hungry again. You keep eating. And so on. 
And right now his stomach is letting out a frustrated grumble at his decision to skip tonight’s pudding. 
For second he can’t even remember why he’d do such a- oh yeah. That’s why. 
Not wanting to explain to anyone, namely Harry, why he left in the first place, he opts for raiding his trunk in hopes to find something from Honeydukes. 
After rummaging through jumpers, parchment, and other miscellaneous items he closes the thing with a defeated huff. 
His eyes soon land on Harry’s trunk. They share just about everything. They’ve raided one another’s things before. What’s mine is his, what’s his is mine. 
After all, he can’t be upset. It is my birthday, Ron thought. 
He flung open his friend's trunk and spent some time in there, narrowly avoiding any contact with his best mates underwear. 
Finally, just when Ron reached the bottom he spotted them. 
Gotcha. 
For a brief moment he held them up and began squishing them, as if to test their density. He wondered why Harry didn’t have at them, he knew he was quite fond of the little things. 
Shrugging he unwrapped it and popped one in his mouth. 
After chewing thoughtfully for a few moments and deciding they weren’t spoiled, like he originally thought. 
Ron swallowed the chocolate cauldron. 
...
It had been twenty minutes since Harry entered the common room and Ron still didn’t come down. He had rightfully so been worried for his best mate as of late, and skipping pudding on any day, his birthday no less? Unheard of. 
Merlin, is this how he and Hermione always feel about me? 
Dismissing the thought, he trudged up the boys dormitory step and pushed open the door to their room. 
There he found Ron, sitting cross legged on the bed, a dreamy look on his face. It’s the happiest he’s seen him look in months. 
“Ron?” He called out, cautiously stepping further into the room. 
“Harry!” He called excitedly from the bed, jumping to his feet and smiling. 
“Hey...” he replied nervously. 
“Have you seen her?” The ginger asked almost anxiously. 
The chosen one was taken aback, “no, what? We just talked about this.” 
Ron looked confused, “we did? Well, where is she?” He asked eagerly, teetering anger and impatience. However, still looking rather well-drunk. 
“Ron what?” He shook his head, “did Fred and George send you Fire whiskey? You’re acting well-pissed.” The chosen one said. 
Before Ron could respond, something donned on Harry, “wait if they sent you fire whiskey, that means they sent you a reply. Meaning they know-“
Harry was soon stopped by a plush pillow thunking onto his head. 
“Focus Harry! Where is she?” He demanded, with a slight scowl, eyes still clouded. 
“Ron I just said-“ he watches as Weasley tosses the pillow onto the bed, leading atop foil wrappers. 
Glimmering gold foil wrappers surrounding his best mate's bed. 
Hermione’s voice distantly rang through his head: “That’s Romilda Vane. Apparently she’s trying to smuggle you a love potion.”
That along with flashes of a pink card donned in hearts and a sack of chocolate cauldrons flash behind his eyes.
Buggering fuck- 
“Ron, is this about Romilda?” Harry decides to ask carefully. 
Any anger soon leaves the other boy's face as a wistful smile takes over, “of course it is Harry, when is it not?” He sighs. 
Well, considering before this year I haven’t heard about her since Dean took her to the ball... never. He refrains from saying.  
“You’ve got to help me find her! Please Harry, will you? Please!” Ron pathetically dropped to one knee and clutched the edges of his friends shirt sleeves. 
Harry stares down a little bewildered. It was odd to see Ron in such a state and he knew he’d need to fix this fast. 
Knowing he couldn’t do it on his own, he weighed his options. 
Dumbledore was probably way too busy. McGonagall would freak out. 
This was a love potion after all, he could suppose a potions master would do. 
Trouble is, he doesn’t fancy waltzing around the dungeons or talking to Snape. On the other hand, he and Slughorn did have a rather tense conversation earlier about his relationship to Tom Riddle. 
Harry knew he had to push aside any awkwardness for Ron’s sake and decided on what to do. 
“Help me find her, please? She’d want me to find her.” Ron states, not happy with Harry’s silence. 
The Boy-Who-Lived gulp, he couldn’t help but hear Ron’s pained voice in the back of his mind telling him Hermione asked him to find her. 
‘Come find me.’
That’s what Ron said her last words to him were. 
He swallows the bile in his throat, preparing a tale, “come on, I heard Romilda is with Slughorn-“
“She’s with Slughorn? He’s way too old! He doesn’t love her like-“ 
“No, Ron, he's tutoring her.” Though a lie, this didn’t satisfy the ginger, “if Romilda does bad in potions then she can’t graduate. Then how will you guys start your lives together?” Merlin, he can't believe these words are leaving his mouth. 
“You’re right Harry! Come on, let’s go find her.” Ron stood now, but swayed a bit. 
Harry grabbed onto his shoulders for a bit of support. As the chosen one ushered his love sick friend from the room, he failed to notice the pecking of Fred and George’s owl on the window. 
...
Harry wrapped his knuckles on Slughorn’s door, hoping he’d be awake. 
Thankfully, after a moment, he heard shuffling. 
The small window through the door opened, “Harry?” The potions teacher questioned, soon his face dropped, “if this is about-“
“No sir!” He insisted, “I’m sorry to bother you so late, I wouldn’t if it wasn’t important, but it seems as if-“ 
“Harry, is she there?” Ron called loudly from a few feet behind.
Slughorn’s eyes widened, failing to notice Weasley’s presence, “it seems as if Ron accidentally took a love potion. I was hoping you may have a cure.” 
Horace’s eyes again flicked to the red heads. He noticed the unmistakable dazed look only a strong potion could cause and sighed. 
“Come in, I’ll be sure to fix Rodney right up. Harry chooses not to harp on the fact he messed up his name, despite only speaking it seconds ago, and turns to Ron. 
“Romilda had to get something from her dorm, but she’ll be back soon. Let’s wait for her in here. So she’ll know where you are.” Harry lies, knowing the fact Romilda Vane wouldn’t be inside would anger his love struck friend. 
Deafly, the ginger saunters through the now open door as Harry places him on the brown couch in the center of the room.  
Ron’s hands appear to be longing to hold something, as he desperately grasps at the air. Sighing, Harry shoves a pillow into his arms, seeing that had worked when he found him earlier. 
“I’m sorry again for this and earlier.” Harry told his Professor, walking to where he was mixing something. 
Slughorn tuts, “nonsense, water under the bridge. I’m happy to help you and your friend. It’s been a while since I’ve mixed a remedy for this, it’s quite fun!” He admits, throwing in some powder that turns the liquid a violet color. 
The dark haired boy can’t help but smirk, a bit amused by the old man's excitement. 
“Tell me boy, how did Rhodes find himself accidentally taking a love potion?” 
Biting his tongue on correcting Slughorn, Harry opted to explain, “He had left the great hall early. It is his birthday-“
“Birthday! Very important, seventeen is he?” Slughorn questions. Funny how he could get Ron’s age, but not name, correct. 
He nods, “yeah, well, I reckon he wanted some candy or something for it, dunno. I had some spiked with a love potion, he took it by mistake.” 
Thankfully, the professor didn’t seem to question exactly why Harry had spiked candies and instead handed him a glass. 
“Unfortunate on his seventeenth of all days! But you give him this and Ren will have time to
spare to celebrate.” 
Harry smiled gratefully, “cheers.” He joked before walking to the couch. “Ron?” He said tentatively. 
His blue eyes seemed to snap from a trance, “Oi Harry, you told me she’d be here!” He exclaimed fussily. 
A little annoyed, Potter sighs, “I know I did, but she told me she needs you to drink this first.” 
Funny enough, Ron doesn’t question it because of his current state and downs the whole thing in a few gulps. 
Just moments later, the glossed over look leaves his eyes, as his lips drop from their smile. 
“Merlin, what happened to me?” He groaned sadly. 
“Love potion.” Harry said simply, just as Slughorn joined them. 
“I feel really-Harry, did you hear anything about Hermione?” Ron asked, sounding so sad, clearly his mind was a bit foggy since he asked in front of Slughorn. 
“Miss Granger, I thought he was thinking about Romilda Vane?” Slughorn whispered loud enough Ron would’ve heard, had he been paying attention. 
Harry shook his head, not wanting to delve into the topic, “is he okay?” 
“Just needs a pick me up. It’s a bit drastic going from such a high to this. So what I’ll it be, Roy?” 
This seems to snap Ron’s attention. 
“Butter beer. Wine. Matured Mead.” He lists, picking up the latter, “I had other plans for this, but it feels appropriate. It is your birthday after all Ryan.” He winks. 
“Right...” Ron trails, still feeling rather down. 
Slughorn pours three glasses. Handing two to Harry, who passes the dark liquid to Ron. 
“Here’s a toast to,” the old man thought for a moment, “another year of life!” Slughorn and Harry clink glasses. 
Ron however, doesn’t wait, and takes a large sip of his. 
“Happy Birthday Ro-“ 
Before the potions master can finish his sentence a large thud sounds. 
At his and Harry’s feet, is a writhing Ron. 
5 notes · View notes
snarkysarcasm · 4 years
Note
Hi. Golly Prompt: Holly gets stuck in a Groundhog Day loop.
Sorry this took so long, Weedy, but here you go:
///
Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
Babe
I got you babe I got you babe
Holly hit the button on her alarm clock and enjoyed the slight burn as she stretched her muscles.  Five o’clock in the morning was an unnecessary time to be awake.  It wasn’t that she was a morning person per say but she enjoyed running and the only way to guarantee a run with her crazy schedule was if she got up early enough to do it.  
Glancing at her phone she saw a text from her favorite snarky cop.
“Wookiees are less hairy than this guy.  And probably smell better. I don’t know what the Superintendent was thinking.  If this is the best I can get I should give up men entirely.” 
Of course, Gail was complaining about another one of her mother’s set-ups.  Holly hated the pleasant way her stomach flipped at the thought of Gail giving up on men.  She knew that she was being ridiculous.  That she shouldn’t be happy that her friend’s date had turned out to be a fiasco.  Gail was straight and it was just a hopeless crush.  And she did want Gail to be happy.  She did.  If going on Elaine-approved dates was the way to it then she would support Gail no matter.  
Meanwhile, she’d keep pining away.  And running.  The running helped.
She had just gotten out of the shower when she saw a new message on her phone.  She hated the sinking feeling when the disappointment crashed down that it was only Lisa (who would kill her for thinking such a thing). It really was becoming a hapless crush. 
The text was a reminder of the date that Lisa had set up for her that night.  See, she wasn’t a completely hopeless lesbian.  Just because she was falling hard for Gail didn’t mean she had completely written off her own chances at finding someone else. She pushed away the memory of Lisa coercing her into said date at their last “Whine and Cheese” night.
Still she made a mental note to leave work early enough to give her a chance to wash the smell of the lab off of her.
Heading into work, there was still some snow on the ground so her commute took a little longer than usual.  As luck would have it, she walked in to find the object of her affection waiting for her with a coffee.
“Did you lose your phone, Lunchbox?”
Holly felt her pocket. Her phone was there.
Gail followed her motions and arched one of her perfect eyebrows, “You didn’t answer my texts.”
“Oh, sorry, guess I got distracted this morning.”
“Were you exercising?”  
The look of disdain was adorable and Holly couldn’t stop herself from chuckling.  “You know I do every morning.”
‘Gross.” Gail’s face had Holly’s head shaking with affection. The blonde officer hopped onto Holly’s desk as the pathologist sank into her chair, coffee in hand. 
“You know there are better ways to burn calories.”
“So I’ve heard.” Holly muttered into the cup, mostly to herself. A little bit louder than intended for the universe to take note.
“How long has it been, anyway?”
She groaned, “You really should bring me more than coffee if you want to have this conversation at this time in the morning.”
“It’s just a question.”
For Holly, it hardly felt as innocent as Gail made it sound.  The last time Gail was “just asking questions” had been at Frank and Noelle’s wedding.  As much as Holly may want to, kissing Gail at work in order to shut her up probably wasn’t the best idea. Maybe? No, probably not. 
“Was there something else you wanted to talk about that brought you to the groundhog’s lair?”
Gail let out a suffering sigh as she collapsed onto one of the stools and started spinning, “Superintendent Peck has yet another date set up for me.  I think as a medical professional you should explain to her the definition of insanity.”
“How is it insanity?”
“You sure you’re a doctor?  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
“You do know that Albert Einstein didn’t actually say that?  In fact, the first evidence of even a similar quote appeared in a Narcotics Anonymous pamphlet circa 1981.  Although, in 1892 Max Nordou-”
“Will you save me from both the history lesson and my mother’s fruitless endeavors?”
Holly really wanted to push Gail to find out why she continued to go on these “dates” if she didn’t think they’d actually amount to anything.  She also really wanted to ask her why she didn’t think they would.  But the mention of the night reminded her of her own date.  
“I can’t.”
“Why not? Didn’t you promise to do no harm?”
Holly contemplated telling Gail about her date that night.  About how she had been set up herself.  She also wanted to tell Gail about why she had been avoiding dating.  But she couldn’t seem to get the words out.
Luckily she was saved from answering when the radio on Gail’s shoulder crackled to life.  She listened for a minute before hopping off of Holly’s desk and grabbing her coffee.
“Criminals need to learn to sleep in.”
“I thought crime never sleeps.”
Gail rolled her eyes at the quip but Holly could still see her smile.  “Smell ya later, Nerd.”
Holly let out a deep exhale.  She hated to see Gail go, but damn she really loved to watch her walk away.  
Unfortunately the sound of glass breaking and Rodney shouting a “Sorry, Doc” forced her from her ogling and back to her job.  It was going to be a long day.
Rushing into the bar, Holly hated how flustered she felt.  Trying to salvage the samples during the day had taken longer than she would’ve liked and she had barely had time to change her clothes let alone figure out a place to go.  It was how she ended up at the Penny.  
Glancing around she didn’t see anyone matching the description of her date for the night.  She headed towards the bar.  She needed a little liquid courage to steady her nerves.
“Hellooo.”
She wanted to blame it on the shock, but Holly knew that it was just the sight of Gail that had her heart quickening.  She tried to fight it but could feel the smile overtake her.
Gail looked at the bartender, “Can you make it two?”
“Hey. I didn’t know you’d be here.”  She had chosen the Penny because it was close and she was late.  She also thought Gail would’ve been on a Superintendent approved date, not hanging out at the well-known cop bar. That or it was because she was a masochist.
“Yeah, Dov is on a new trivia kick and he’s not going to let us leave until he’s crowned king of the dorks.”
Holly knew that as much as she might protest, Gail really did like her friends.  Or she was just really desperate to not go on that blind date.  Holly tried not to get her hopes up though.
“Hey why don’t you let me get this one and you can get the next round.” 
Gail was already gesturing to the bartender when Holly remembered why she was really there that night.
“Actually, umm I’m meeting someone.”
The reality of her situation had disappointment settling deep in her gut. She knew that she would rather be anywhere, doing anything with Gail than pretty much anyone else. But she also knew that it wasn’t healthy to keep pining the way she was.
“Oh. Sorry.” 
It was dark but Holly was pretty sure Gail looked disappointed too.  The soft way she apologized cut deeper than it should’ve.  Holly probably should’ve just told Gail that morning and saved both of them the awkwardness they were in. 
Holly couldn’t stop herself from reaching for Gail’s arm. “Don’t be sorry.”
Gail shrugged and took a sip from her drink, seemingly recovered from the set back, “Is it like someone or someone someone?”
Holly swallowed hard at the way pink lips played with the straw.  “I don’t know yet.” She offered.
She vaguely heard the bell over the door, but when she glanced over she saw someone matching the picture Lisa had sent. “Oh.”  That was her cue.  “Thanks for the drink.”
“No worries.”
As hard as it was, Holly pulled herself away from Gail and plastered a smile on her face.  Heading towards her date, Holly greeted the woman with a hug.  Maybe it was a little overkill but she needed to get over Gail and this was the way to do it.
So she spent the night laughing a little too loud, she leaned a little too close into each touch, she bought a little too many drinks, and when her date offered to get out of there Holly followed her out a little too quickly.  And she most definitely didn’t look back on her way out the door for a little too long.
///
Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
Babe
I got you babe I got you babe
Holly hit the button on her alarm clock.  5am, really was an ungodly hour, but she stretched her muscles anyway.  She kind of hated herself.  She had had the perfect opportunity to get laid the night before and instead had decided to go home alone.  This crush on Gail was ridiculous.  It had been a perfectly fine date.  Beautiful.  Smart.  Funny.  And yet when Holly had walked her to her front door and had gotten the offer for a nightcap.  She balked.  God, she was stupid.
Holly glanced at her phone and noticed a text from Gail.  
“Wookiees are less hairy than this guy.  And probably smell better. I don’t know what the Superintendent was thinking. If this is the best I can get I should give up men entirely.” 
What the...Holly reached for her glasses and sat up.  She could’ve sworn Gail had sent that message the previous morning.  And hadn’t Holly seen her at the bar? Gail hadn’t gone on any dates.  She glanced at the date on her phone.  
February 2nd.  
But that was yesterday.  Assuming her phone was broken, she restarted it, and went for her run.  
Holly had just gotten out of the shower when she went to check if her phone was fixed.  She saw a new message on her phone.  It was the same reminder of the date from Lisa.  Either her phone was messing with her or she had had the most realistic dream the night before.  She opened a browser on her phone, hoping for some clarity, but even Google said it was still Groundhog’s day.  
Holly hit the call button.
“Hey sexy.”
“Hey Lis, what’s today’s date?”
“Did you finally fry that big brain of yours with all those nasty chemicals you play with?”
“Just answer my question.”
“It’s February 2nd.  But more importantly it’s your date night.”
Holly’s stomach clenched painfully, “Right.”
“You didn’t forget or worse you didn’t get any ideas of cancelling did you?”
“No,”  She ran a hand through her hair, “no I just had the weirdest dream last night.”
“Well as much as I’d love to hear about your sex dream about me I have to go, I have an early surgery I need to scrub into.  I’ll text you the details for your date.  Love you.”
Holly stared at her phone.  It had to have been a dream.  A realistic dream.  Just a really realistic dream.
--
She was late heading into work, both from her checking the date a thousand times and from the snow making the commute long.  But her car, the radio, and her phone continued to claim it was still February 2nd so Holly decided to accept it.  
She stopped when she found Gail waiting for her with a coffee.
“Did you lose your phone, Lunchbox?  You didn’t answer my texts.” The deja vu was making her head hurt.
“Uh, sorry, it was having some issues this morning.”  Or she was. Just a ridiculously realistic dream, Holly reminded herself.
“Were you exercising?”  
The look of disdain was just as adorable as she had imagined and Holly let out an awkward chuckle.
“Gross.  You know there are better ways to burn calories.”
“So I’ve heard.” 
“How long has it been?”
Okay, the similarities were too much to handle.
“Longer than it should’ve been”  Holly wanted to kick herself when she realized that she had said the words out loud.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.”
Gail glanced at her phone let out a suffering sigh as she collapsed onto one of the stools and started spinning, Holly waited but she knew what was coming next.
 “Superintendent Peck has yet another date set up for me.  I think as a medical professional you should explain to her the definition of insanity.”
Holly played along, “How is it insanity?”
“You sure you’re a doctor?  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Funny.  Holly was pretty sure she was doing everything over again.
“You do know that Albert Einstein didn’t actually say that?  In fact the first evidence of even a similar quote appeared in a Narcotics Anonymous pamphlet circa 1981.  Although in 1892 Max Nordou-”
“Will you save me from both the history lesson and my mother’s fruitless endeavors?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? Didn’t you promise to do no harm?”
Holly didn’t answer and waited for the radio on Gail’s shoulder to crackle to life.  Sure enough, she listened for a minute before hopping off of Holly’s stool and grabbing her coffee.
“Criminals need to learn to sleep in.”
Holly nodded, she couldn’t do much else with the knots in her stomach.  Deja vu or dream, it didn’t matter this was fucking weird.  
The sound of glass breaking and Rodney shouting a “Sorry, Doc” forced her into action.  It was already a long day and she wasn’t even done with breakfast yet.
Rushing into the bar, Holly was still late from trying to salvage the samples during the day.  Glancing around she didn’t see anyone matching the description of her date for the night (or the person she had dreamt).  She headed towards the bar.  
“Hellooo.”
Holly jumped.  She had been hoping that maybe only the first half of the day would’ve been like her dream but no here was Gail, exactly where Holly had imagined she’d be.
Gail looked at the bartender, “Can you make it two?”
“Hey. I didn’t know you’d be here.”  Except she did know.  Damn her dream had been spot on.  
“Yeah, Dov is on a new trivia kick and he’s not going to let us leave until he’s crowned king of the dorks.  Hey, why don’t you let me get this one and you can get the next round?” 
“Actually, umm I’m meeting someone.”
The disappointment still settled deep in her gut, even knowing that the previous night had only been a dream.
“Oh.  Sorry.” 
“Don’t be sorry.”
“Is it like someone or someone someone.”
“I don’t know yet.”
She heard the bell over the door and when she glanced over she saw her date.  “Thanks for the drink.”
“No worries.”
Holly went through the motions with a smile on her face.  She greeted the woman with a hug,  she spent the night laughing a little too loud, she leaned into all the touches, she bought drinks, and when her date offered to get out of there Holly followed her out.  But when she glanced back on her way out.  Gail was nowhere to be seen.
This time when Holly was offered a nightcap she decided to take the woman up on the offer.  How many times did people get a do-over anyway? 
///
Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
Babe
I got you babe I got you babe
Holly hit the button on her alarm clock.  It was 5am and she stretched her muscles.   She kind of hated herself.  The sex wasn’t great.  It had been a long time and Holly figured she deserved to have a little fun.  But when it was over she couldn’t bring herself to stay.  She headed back to her own bed more than a little disappointed.  She had hoped that sleep would’ve been enough to make her feel better.  
Holly glanced at her phone and noticed a text from Gail.  Her stomach sank further.  Gail.  Holly was pretty sure that the blonde copper was a huge reason that she couldn’t enjoy the night before the way she should’ve.  She hadn’t been able to get Gail out of her head and it hadn’t been fair to her date.  Ugh.  She opened the message.
“Wookiees are less hairy than this guy.  And probably smell better. I don’t know what the Superintendent was thinking. If this is the best I can get I should give up men entirely.” 
Okay, what the fuck? Her dreams could be vivid but this was too weird.  Checking the date on her phone, it was definitely still February 2nd. Holly shook her head.  A dream within a dream.  What were the odds? She scrolled through her phone.  There were no messages from Lisa telling her about her date or asking how it went.  There was no messages from the woman in question.  Nothing else from work or anyone else.  No, really, what the actual fuck?  
Holly was a little desperate as she looked for anything that said that she was wrong about the date.  She even went to the nearest coffee stand to check the morning paper but nope it was still February 2nd.  Realizing that she had wasted her morning, Holly went about the motions of heading into work. She purposefully ignored the text message she saw come in from Lisa.
Seeing Gail standing there with coffee made her heart race in a different way than usual.  
“Did you-”
“What’s today’s date?”
“I was about to ask if you lost your phone before I was so rudely interrupted but I guess that answers my question.”
“Don’t mess with me, what day is it?”  
“It’s February 2nd, Lunchbox.  You know, that day of the year that a bunch of losers gather around to get excited about a large squirrel predicting the weather. Really it’s pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype.”
“Yesterday was February 2nd.”
“No, yesterday was February 1st and one of the worst dates to have ever happened.  Seriously my mother set a new terrible standard.”
“No, it was February 2nd and I had a date.”
“You told me you had to work late last night. Remember the double homicide in the park on Breadalbane? Seriously how late did you work that you don’t even know what day it is.”
“No that was the day before.  Last night I ran into you at the Penny.  You were playing trivia with Dov.”
“How’d you know that the king of the dorks was on a trivia kick? I mean he’s there every night but I wasn’t with them last night.”
“But…”
Gail’s radio crackled to life.  She listened for a minute.  “I have to go but you should really drink that coffee.”
Holly watched her go.  She wasn’t sure what was going on.  But whatever it was, was fucking nuts.  Or she was.
The sound of glass breaking caused her to jump.
“Sorry, Doc”.  This day couldn’t get longer if it tried.
---
Holly took her time heading to the bar.  She was still distracted trying to figure out how she had managed to experience the same day three times in a row.  Once she could blame on her dreams.  Twice maybe deja vu.  But the entire day had played out exactly as before.  Including Lisa setting her up on this date and her having to spend the day cleaning up the broken samples.  She was so distracted by her thoughts that she was genuinely surprised when she heard the …. 
“Hellooo.”
She couldn’t stop the shock to her system.  Maybe it was just being on edge.  Or maybe and more likely it was that Holly couldn’t help her body’s reaction to Gail’s proximity.  
Gail looked at the bartender, “Can you make it two?”
“Hey.”   
“Couldn’t resist trivia night?”
The awkwardness somehow never dissipated no matter how many times she went through having to tell the woman that she wanted to date that she was actually going on a date with someone else.  “Actually, umm I’m meeting someone.”
“Oh.  Sorry.” 
“Don’t be sorry.”
“Is it like someone or someone someone.”
Holly huffed, “I don’t know yet.”
She didn’t even have to look over when she heard the bell.  “Thanks for the drink.”
“No worries.”
Maybe third time was the charm and she just didn’t know it.  So Holly tried again.  She laughed at the same jokes.  She leaned into all the touches.  She walked her date to her apartment.  And knowing exactly what the woman liked, Holly tried to distract herself with mindless sex.
But her brain never turned off and her body definitely wasn’t turned on.  She didn’t even bother trying for a real orgasm before she headed home and hoped that this time when she woke, she wouldn’t remember the night. 
///
Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
Babe
I got you babe I got you babe
The second her alarm went off, Holly checked her phone.  February 2nd.  And the same damn text from Gail.
Fuck!
She was definitely reliving the same day.  But why? How?  This was the kind of thing that happened in movies, not real life.  It wasn’t possible to get stuck in a time loop.  Well, maybe it was possible.  Physics certainly hadn’t disproved it.  So maybe it was possible.  But if she was stuck in time and getting to the live the day again and again, maybe she should try to enjoy it.
Afterall, she had always wanted a motorcycle.
---
After spending most of the day indulging things she had always wanted.  It was time for her date.  Even if she was reliving the same day, she didn’t want to deal with Lisa’s wrath.  But this time Holly decided to skip the Penny this time.  She didn’t want to run into Gail and deal with the disappointment that always seem to come with having to turn down her drink offer.  It was such a simple thing but if she kept having to do this day over she must be doing something wrong.  Maybe she just wasn’t giving her date enough of a chance to work out.  
And the night had gone well.  Holly had picked her up and taken her to a fancy dinner across town.  She enjoyed riding around the city, even if she secretly wanted someone else with their arms wrapped around her.  
But that wasn’t the point of tonight.
She finally pulled up in front of her building.  
“Lisa didn’t mention that you rode a motorcycle.”
“Oh, yeah, well I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try new things.”
“Yeah? What other things have you been willing to try?”
It was easy to be confident when you had already had a couple of trial runs.
“How about we go in and I can show you rather than tell you.”
“Lead the way.”
 She was halfway to her door when she saw a figure sitting outside her door.
“Gail?”
Holly’s heart was pounding her chest as she watched the blonde scramble to her feet.  Even in the dark she could see a slight blush filling pale skin.
“Oh, uh, sorry, I uhh shouldn’t have come.”
“Wait!”
“No, you’re clearly busy, I shouldn’t have just dropped by.” 
Holly thought she heard Gail mumble something about being stupid.
“It’s fine.  What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“No. Uh. Everything’s fine.  Just bored and figured you’d be home.  But clearly you weren’t and had better things to do so I’m going to let you get back to them.”
She didn’t know what to say but she couldn’t stop from staring even as Gail booked it out of sight.  She had almost forgotten she had company until she heard a frustrated sigh beside her.
“So I guess this was the complication Lisa had warned me about.”
“It’s not like -”  
“Goodnight Holly.”
With the damage done and Holly having two women walk out on her, she decided to call the day a wash.  If she ever needed a do-over, well, this was it.
///
Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
Babe
I got you babe I got you babe
Holly was relieved to wake and see it was still the 2nd.  She was a scientist and if there was anything a scientist was good at it was testing a hypothesis.  
She spent the better half of the day coming up with her plan.  She even called out of work to avoid anything distracting her.   And when the time came, she headed over to the Penny with one thing on her mind.
She spotted the table right away and instead of heading to the bar, Holly strode across the room with a different purpose.
‘Hey I didn’t expect to see you…”  
Holly cut off Gail’s greeting with her lips.  For a moment she felt it. Felt Gail’s lips move against her, press just a little bit harder, but the feeling was brief before she was pulling away.
“Wh-what are you doing, Holly?”
Holly didn’t expect the look of shock and fear on Gail’s face.  She watched Gail’s eyes dart around everywhere but to make contact with hers.  What had she been thinking?  Well she knew what she had been thinking.  She had thought that in all the days prior Gail might have been jealous.  That she might have been disappointed.  That maybe her feelings were for more than just friendship.  But clearly it had just been wishful thinking.
“Ummm….uhhh….I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have.  I should go.”
And she ran.  Ran right out of the bar.  Ran right home and into her bed.  If kissing Gail and finally acting on her feelings wasn’t enough to get her out of this time loop, nothing else would be.  She was trapped and worse, she finally knew that her stupid crush was just that.  And damn was it crushing.   
So much so that she felt like she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs.  Panic.  She was actually panicking.  As her heart thudded hard in her chest, everything felt tight and small.  She struggled to take deeper breaths, knowing that there wasn’t much she could do but wait for the feeling of seemingly never-ending-doom to pass.
It took a while but finally the vice grip on her chest loosened.  As her breathing calmed, Holly wiped the sweat and tears from her face.  She hadn’t had a panic attack since medical school.  And she really hoped if she had to live this day again she wouldn’t have to experience that part of it.  
She was still struggling with pins and needles crawling against her skin when there was a knock on her door.  She tried to ignore it at first but then it got more persistent.  She did her best to compose herself before opening the door a crack.
“Gail?”  She opened it more, “What are you doing here?”
Gail didn’t say a word as she crossed the threshold of Holly’s home and crashed right into her.  This time the shock to her system was even more than the panic that had rocked her before when she finally registered that Gail was kissing her.  But unlike at the bar, Holly seized the moment, pulling the blonde against her and kissing her back with everything she had to offer.  
The first brush of her tongue into Gail’s mouth had the blonde moaning and Holly could feel herself already getting wet at the sound. She let herself get pushed against a wall.  Her head thudded hard and for a second she saw stars, but she was more than happy to let Gail have what she wanted. But it did remind her that things were moving and moving fast if the way Gail’s hands under her shirt (when had they gotten there?) were any indication.
“Wait,” Holly barely got the word out before Gail’s hungry mouth was on hers again. She was starting to cave again.  
“Wait.” She panted again, this time she pushed Gail slightly back by the shoulders.  The smouldering look in the blue eyes staring at her lips was almost too much. But Holly had to be strong.  
“What’s going on, Gail?  Why did you come here?”
“To finish what you started.”
Holly felt Gail start to lean in again, but she held firm.
“But you stopped us.”
Finally Gail pulled back, a frustrated sigh leaving swollen lips and the warm hands that had been against her were now running through blonde hair.  The cool rush against her skin had Holly questioning her sanity for stopping them in the first place. 
“We were in a bar surrounded by everyone I work with.  And you surprised me.  I didn’t-i didn’t know what to do.  But after you left I couldn’t think about anything else but you kissing you again.”
Holly didn’t need to hear much else. She took two tight fistfuls of Gail’s shirt and pulled hard. Gail crashed into her with little resistance, her lips were just as soft as Holly had always imagined but the kisses were anything but soft. It didn’t take long before she felt Gail’s hands against her skin again. They tightened against her sides and the way they burned was driving her insane, she reversed their positions. 
As she pressed a thigh between Gail’s legs, Gail finally broke and let out a gasp allowing Holly to move her attention to the pale neck that was stretched against the wall. Her mouth made its way down, nipping and sucking against the previously unblemished skin. She was probably leaving marks but she was too invested in what she was doing to care. And from the sounds Gail was making and the feeling of her hand in Holly’s hair, she figured the blonde didn’t care either. 
She started to pull at the hem of Gail’s shirt, “Is this -”
Suddenly the shirt was being tossed across the room and her own shirt was being pulled over her head. 
Gail looked at her seriously, “Don’t stop.”
The command sent a thrill down her spine and Holly didn’t waste any more time. They were both clumsy as Holly tried to maneuver them to her bedroom without them tripping over one another. It seemed that neither one wanted their lips to part for more than a few seconds.
After what felt like an eternity, Holly finally tumbled onto the bed pulling Gail with her. But being on the bottom wouldn’t do. At least not at first. Holly had wanted and waited for too long. She needed to have Gail all to herself. To feel her shaking under her mouth and hands. All her years of sporting can in handy as she easily flipped their positions. Gail looked surprised at first but as Holly reached for the button of her jeans, her attention shifted towards trying to shed the skinny pants as quickly as possible.
“Yours too.”
Holly hated to separate herself but was also more than happy to have as much skin as possible to press against the porcelain body in her bed. It all felt like a dream. Something that was too good to be true. 
“I thought I told you not to stop,” Gail’s voice was a low growl, it held no real chastisement but a hunger for more.
“Who’s stopping?”
Holly pressed her whole body against Gail’s, their mouths meeting in an almost lazy kiss, like they had all the time in the world.  Maybe they did. If Holly had learned anything from the last few days, it was that time was a relative concept. 
“I want to taste you.”
“Then what are you waiting for?” Gail asked, her legs spreading wider, inviting Holly in.
She wasn’t waiting. Not anymore. Holly made her way down. Taking her time to truly worship what she had been given. A gift that she wasn’t sure she’d ever have. But Gail seemed to have other plans, pushing Holly lower, faster. She wanted her too and she wanted her now it seemed.
Who was Holly to deny Gail anything? She parted pink lips and took a second to enjoy the sight of Gail wet and swollen and waiting for her before she dipped her tongue in. The slight tangy against her taste buds was everything and she savored it before she went to work. She dipped her tongue in deeper to warmth before sliding up to Gail’s clit. She started with a wide circle, heading back down to press into her before moving up again and again. Each time, the circle getting tighter.
She could feel Gail moving against her mouth, her hips rising and pushing against Holly harder and harder every time her tongue moved to her entrance. She could feel Gail getting more and more wound up.
“Hooooollllllly” Gail whined.
As much fun as she was having, she also wanted to make Gail cum. She wanted her to cum hard.
So she moved her hand up to take over, circling her clit again and again and her tongue pumped into Gail, deeper and deeper.
“Fuck, jesus fuck, yes, Holly,” Each of Gail’s cries, made Holly want to keep going, her tongue and fingers speeding up until finally Gail was tightening against her hand and her cries went silent as her orgasm overtook her.
Holly brought her down slower, she wanted to push for more but there would be time and she didn’t want to overwhelm the blonde. Gail was already whimpering and she felt Gail’s hands weakly pulling her back up. 
“Hey.” Gail’s voice was almost shy.
Holly pressed a gentle kiss to a flushed cheek. “Hey.” She settled herself more comfortably.
“Hey.” 
“You said that already”
“You know, it sounded familiar.” Gail’s voice was quiet and the words came out slowly.
Holly laughed as her hands traced lightly along Gail’s muscles. She could feel her own eyes getting heavier too.
She felt Gail’s hand sliding lower on her waist. As much as she wanted to be touched, she just wanted this too. Wanted to hold Gail and fall asleep with her beside her. So she caught her hand and pulled her closer. “Later.” And Holly drifted off into a peaceful sleep with the woman she wanted wrapped in her arms. Maybe living in a time loop wasn’t the worst thing. It had given her enough chances to finally do something right.
///
Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
Babe
I got you babe I got you babe
When her alarm went off, Holly was painfully aware of how empty her bed was.  She grabbed her phone.  February 2nd.
“God fucking damn it!” 
She threw her phone across the room. Tears were already blurring her vision as she pressed them hard with the heels of her hands. How?  How could she have everything she wanted and the day still not change?  Why would the universe show her what she could have and take it away like that?  What was she doing wrong?
---
Rushing into the police department, Holly wasn’t sure if she was making an even bigger mistake but she had to try. Well even if she was wrong, she’d probably have to do this all over again tomorrow anyway. She was glancing around the busy hallways, when she heard the voice she was looking for behind her.
“Holly, hey, what are you doing here?”
Oh right, Gail had no idea why Holly would be desperately seeking her out before they’d even had their morning coffees.
“I had to drop off a report on a murder from a few weeks ago.”
“Doesn’t the courier usually bring that stuff over.”
“Ummm, yeah, he was sick...or something.” Holly mumbled. She could barely look at Gail but it was clear that the blonde didn’t believe her.
“Hey, come here.” Holly pulled Gail into the nearest room.
“What’s going on?”
“Listen, I know that this is going to sound crazy but I have to tell you this. Because we tell each stuff. And that’s what’s so great about us. But I keep reliving today. This day.  February 2nd.  I know what’s going to happen tonight, this afternoon, I know what’s going to happen in the next hour, because I’ve already been here and done it. I know that I’m going to meet a great woman on a stupid set-up tonight and that even when everything goes perfectly that I’m still going to be thinking about you and wishing it was you with me instead. Because no matter what happens she isn’t you. I don’t know why it keeps happening and why I can’t move on. But the one thing that I do know is that I’d live this day a thousand times because the only thing that matters is that I get to spend it with you. Whatever happens tomorrow, or for the rest of my life, I’m happy as long as I’m with you.” Holly’s words were tumbling out faster and faster but she had to say them, even as Gail just looked at her intently. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you all this, it’s too much, I just -”
Holly was finally cut off by Gail’s lips in a kiss that melted her in a way that none of the previous encounters had.
Gail pulled back, still holding Holly’s face. “I’m sorry. You just, you just had to stop talking.”
“I won’t say another word.”
They stayed like that for a while. In their little bubble, with soft kisses and just enjoying the moment. When it was time for Gail to go back to work, she hovered by the door.
“I don;t know that I believe you’re stuck on a time loop but how about tonight, we both skip our set-ups and you take me to dinner instead.”
“Sound perfect.”
---
It was a perfect night. They talked and laughed and there were plenty of kisses. Gail decided to stay the night in borrowed pajamas curled up beside Holly. For once, Holly wasn’t filled with dread. Even if there was no tomorrow, she’d give anything to keep having days like today.
///
Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
Babe
I got you babe I got you babe
Holly hit the button on her alarm clock but didn’t open her eyes. Not yet. 
“Who sets an alarm this early in the damn morning?” A grumpy voice beside her gumbled.
Her eyes flew open, Gail was still there in the clothes she had given her the night before. She grabbed her phone. No new messages. She looked at the date.
February 3rd.
“Sorry, you’re right. Go back to sleep. There’s no rush. We have all day.”
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funkymbtifiction · 4 years
Note
Could you do a comparison of 3w4 vs 3w2 using fictional characters of those types (preferably of the NT variety)? Thank you :)
Sure. :) 3s are the chronic over-achievers, whose self-worth is dependent on their success in the outer world. This means at their best, they are good at recovering from personal setbacks (a ‘can do’ attitude) and at achievement, are good at knowing how to control situations in their favor (to cover up insecurities about not being ‘good enough’), and are careful in the persona they craft; at their worst, they can be shameless social climbers and self-important braggarts.
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Nancy Wheeler from Stranger Things is a good example of a 3w2. She is hard-working and over-achieving; in the first season, she rebuffed Steve’s romantic advancements by insisting she has to ‘study.’ In later seasons, even though mistreated at work due to the sexism of the 80s, she continues to self-confidently seek out and resolve problems, look for stories, follow her hunches, and tolerates everyone’s various and sundry comments against her without letting it damage her self-esteem. Her blind spot is her emotions -- she is so wrapped up in ‘what looks good’ and what ‘seems normal’ (dating Steve, the high school jock she has been with for awhile) that she doesn’t even know what she wants -- Jonathan, the photographer and ‘loner’ who is all about a 4ish sense of independence and personal identity. It takes external input before she can recognize and allow herself to act on her desires, in part because she is so others-based in a 3w2 sense.
She is quick to help, to reassure, and to placate, to use what she knows for others’ benefits, and to attempt to also, through it, make something of herself, which is a 2 in action. With her Te/Fi axis, you see less ‘look at me’ self-promotion than you would with a Ti/Fe axis, so compare her to P.T. Barnum in The Greatest Showman, another good example of a 3w2. He is ambitious, craves success and admiration, is out of touch with what truly matters to him (it’s his family and not the accolades of the masses) in a way similar to Nancy being so focused on achievement that she doesn’t recognize her feelings for Jonathan right away. Her 2 wing is also less melodramatic and more ‘giving’ than a 4 wing, as you can see in...
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Mary Crawley in Downton Abbey, who is a 3w4. She has the same driven desire to be seen, the same underpinning of self-distrust (fear of failure), and a desperate need to be the ‘queen bee’ wherever she goes. She fights an ongoing battle with her emotions, which bleeds over into 4ish emotionalism, envy, and at times, vindictiveness -- she can be uncaring in how she uses people to prop up her desire to ‘come out on top’ (showing an unhealthy 3 ruthlessness), such as how she brutalizes a man’s feelings just to get back at her sister Edith. She is also prone to 4 wing fits of sorrow and intenser emotions than Nancy -- she breaks down in the first episode and cries to her mother that her father doesn’t love her enough to leave her his estate, to break with tradition and give it to her regardless. She has a moody and introspective side -- because her 4 wing wants self-improvement and tends toward elitism. 3w4s feel a powerful struggle between ‘what I want to be’ (3) and ‘who my true self is’ (4) that can result in them leaning into the 4 envy of others’ happiness, dwelling in their sadness a long time, or finding it hard to overcome their traumas (like Mary clinging a long time to her husband, struggling to mourn him and move forward, and then not liking her new boyfriend driving cars because of the accident -- she ‘dwells’ on the sadness in her life in a very 4 wing fashion).
Again, there’s less of a tendency to ‘dramatize’ with Te/Fi, but if you want a good example of a 3w4 Ti/Fe, look at Rodney McKay in Stargate Atlantis. I say this with love, because he’s hands down my favorite character on that show, but he is pompous, arrogant, and selfish -- he boasts that his ideas are ‘the best’ of anyone and looks down on those with a lesser work ethic than his, but under pressure falls into his 4 wing sense of self-doubt / moodiness in which he becomes more hysterical. He cares less about having everyone ‘love’ him than P.T. Barnum, and more about ‘impressing them’ with his intellect (4ish elitism).
The up side is that while the 3w2 is more generous and giving to others, the 3w4 is more willing to work on self-improvement. They find it easier to identify and step away from their ‘persona’ (achievement-focused ‘face’) but also tend to be moodier and prone to greater fits of envy. 
- ENFP Mod
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gumnut-logic · 4 years
Text
Fanfic Asks 5
This one is for @louthestarspeaker who asked for D U X, @misssquidtracy who asked for H M O and @janetm74 who asked for W. Thank you for your kind questions ::hugs you all so much::
-o-o-o-
D. Do you prefer gen or romance?
If you asked me this two years ago, I would have said gen. Now…I see value in both. There is something just nice about having a couple who know each other so well that they can just fall into each other’s arms at the end of the day.
But I’ve always been a fan of bromance, two guys who will do anything for each other whether they are related or not. I’m a child of eighties TV and grew up on those kinds of relationships. Kirk and Spock are a prime example (yeah, I know they are from the 60s, but I didn’t exist then and the most of the movies came out in the eighties) .
Which leads onto the question of slash. I do read slash, but not so much in this fandom beyond a little Virgil/Brains. My heart truly lives in the friendship or family department. Even my ship could be considered monogamous happily ever after. This is not because I have any objections to one night stands or flings or whatever anyone enjoys, more of a case of I enjoy it (and Virgil’s character calls for it).
I’m a long term fanfic reader and have stumbled across a lot in my time in fandom. I just choose to read what I like and let everyone have their fun their way. I like a little whump, comfort and loyal and devoted friends. I guess I love the idea that people can stick together through anything.
As for writing, I like a challenge and will step outside my comfort zone time to time just to see if I can do it. However, you will always find a brother hanging around when Virg gets injured :D
 U. Do you prefer AUs or canon compliant fics?
I’m pretty open to all sorts of things…except for character breaking. If the character isn’t in character then it is no longer the character.
::chews nails worrying if I’ve broken Virgil’s character beyond redemption::
If it is well-written and hooks me, I’ll read pretty much anything (within my limits).
Writing…AUs require a lot of world building. My AUs tend to be branches off canon that diverge away, taking the built world with them. Things like coffee-shop AUs are a bit beyond my interest level (especially since I don’t drink coffee).
Marks & Wings is my first completely AU fic series. I did have to do some world building, but they are basically the Tracy bros with wings (except for Gordo, he is considerably different). To be honest, I use that universe as a place to write when I’m completely stuffed. The writing is more sensory than my other fics and I can just get arty farty and play with words.
But, as always, whatever I feel like at the time is what gets written.
 X. What fandom have you written the most fics for?
That would be Thunderbirds fandom. According to Ao3, I’m at 132 Thunderbirds fics with 750,000 words. Reactions plus a few other fics/chapters are yet to be posted.
That is over twice my combined other fandoms, heading toward three times. In two years.
You guys have just inspired me so much. Look what you’ve done! ::hugs you all like crazy::
 H. What is the longest fic you’ve written?
Written in 2003, The Asgard Sequence at 80,000 words (I thought it was shorter at 75,000 ::frowns at FF.net::) was my third Stargate SG-1 fanfic. Full of cliffhangers, it basically whumps Jack O’Neill within an inch of his life while exploring the Asgard people. Lots of plot written by the seat of my pants and nowhere at the quality I’m achieving today, but it remains my most popular fic on FF.net and I still get the occasional comment even 17 years after it was published. It was a landmark fic for me.
The question is…is there enough plotline left in the Kermadec Fic to overtake it? I don’t know. Possibly not, but we’ll see. I do have the tendency to ramble nowadays :D
 M. How do you come up with titles?
Write fic first and work out what to call it when at least partly written. I usually look for something short that sums up what the fic is about combined with an inkling of interest that might help draw the reader in. Sometimes I structure the fic (if I’m planning it) in a certain way that leads to the title.
Here are some working titles versus the final titles just for a little fun (the file names are all that remains – first name first, final name second):
Scott and Jeff – Suits
Riguadagnare – Il Mago
Virg and Gordo – A Good Day
The Visitor – Sky Candy
One of the brothers being ticklish – His Part
Marry Me – The Proposal
Hold Still – Lucky Shot
Gentle Showers – Gentle Rain
The Glacier – Access Denied
Tired Virgil – Tick Tock
Tropical rain is warm – Warm Rain
Veggie’s shower fic – To Hurt Us
Just a few from my computer. I still have several that don’t have titles at all.
 O. Is there any fandom you’ve been into that you haven’t written fic for? Why not?
Definitely. I’ve read:
Farscape
Avengers
How to Train Your Dragon
Arrow
Stargate Atlantis (did start a fic, haven’t finished it – also roleplayed a bit as Rodney McKay)
Sherlock
All the Next Gen Star Trek series (did dabble a little, but never finished anything, my heart lies in TOS)
There are probably more that I can’t think of at the moment. With the exception of Farscape and the Trek series, all of the above were read in the last ten years. They were simply relief from motherhood really. I love fanfic in general, hardly read anything else nowadays, but I wasn’t in the right place to write during my forays into the above fandoms. I was also very focussed on my professional art business.
TAG hit me at a point where I was struggling, in desperate need and I went down like a ton of bricks.
 W. Have you ever written anything that you are embarrassed by today?
Considering the thirty years since I started, sure, there are some fics that are a bit crappy. Heh, I still write crappy stuff from time to time ::eyes Reactions and kicks it with a toe::
But embarrassed? I may have been when I was younger. Especially outside of fandom. But now…I’m a perfectionist who has come to terms (mostly) that my stuff is never going to be perfect. All my stuff has had its purpose and is a step up the learning curve – that goes for everything.
Having said that, I do find myself hesitating to mention the one or two slash fics I have written in the past in other fandoms.
Mentioning that I wrote for Knight Rider gets the oddest looks. I wrote two slash fics in that fandom, but they are close to what I write here in content and plotlines.
I have also written a few explicit scenes in this fandom (of varying quality ::rolls eyes:: ).
Mentioning fanfic outside of fandom has its challenges and when it comes to the above mentions, these are likely not the ones I’d highlight to my workmates (though they all know I write fanfic). I had to stop myself from posting a link to Gentle Rain on Facebook a while back because while I’m happy with its novelish length and content, it does have that one scene…
So, yeah, maybe a little wary of what other people might think of things content-wise. Writing-wise, I’m fairly confident, except when I get the wibblies ::eyes floppy Virg and John…just John…no other Tracy gives me as much strife as Johnny::
-o-o-o-
Thank you to all the wonderful peeps who asked me all these questions. I hope I haven’t bored you silly with my answers (or scared you off with the last one ::chews nails:: ).
I also hope I haven’t missed anyone. Poke me if I have and I will apologise profusely and answer asap.
::eyes word count on questions:: Well, I’ve written 3,500 words about myself ::gulp::
And it is heading toward 1.30am with work tomorrow.
Nutty
(saluting off)
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slurrmp · 4 years
Text
a/n: here’s day two !!! i hope y’all enjoy, once again for stargate atlantis because i have no muse for anything else xx
-&-
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Maybe it was the emptiness of this side of Atlantis that was getting to her, or maybe there really was something that was lurking between the shadows. Elizabeth had told everyone that if they were going to explore the city, they had to do so in pairs, just so that they wouldn’t get lost. That had been a year ago, while the excitement of the city had died down somewhat - with other threats out there, Elenore was still feeling the pull to explore. 
She had told Doctor Heightmyer about the dreams she used to have, the reoccurring nightmare that had come back as soon as she moved into Atlantis. Kate’s response was very much what Elenore thought it would be, which is that of a therapist. You had been through a traumatic childhood, moving to a completely different galaxy, of course it would drag up some negative feelings. It wasn’t like she didn't appreciate the doctor, but Elenore knew the truth. A truth that she desperately wanted to keep a secret. No one knew, other than Daniel and the rest of SG-1, but that’s only because they rescued her all those years ago. It was easy talking to Daniel about it - considering he had recently come back from being ascended.
The brunette knew that if she ever told anyone else on the expedition, it wouldn’t just be Kate that she would have to see. There was a part of her that knew that Elizabeth, John and even Kate would actually understand, but she was nervous - it wasn’t like it was a common secret. She didn’t have a hidden phobia of open water, or she had beef with one of the members. It was much more important than that.
Her mother, Patty White, had been an Ancient. An Ancient from this very city, that Elenore only just found out. When Ellie had walked through the gate when they first arrived, it was weird, almost like the feeling of coming home after a really long vacation. The other ancients hadn’t really taken kindly to Patty’s disobedience when she ‘fell’ back down to Earth, after falling in love and marrying a human … a mortal. 
Her mother and father’s story always had reminded Ellie of The Little Mermaid except without the mermaids and the evil octopus. Elenore wasn’t even supposed to be born and yet, here she was almost 26 and wandering the halls of what used to be her mother’s home. 
As she made her way down one of the many abandoned corridors, Ellie couldn’t help but feel like this was even more familiar than the rest of the city. Eyes squinting ever so slightly, she passed by another doorway, the lights above lighting up. It was almost like the place around her was showing her where to go. It wasn’t until she stumbled upon a door different from the others, that she realised she made it. 
To where? She had no idea, but the door slid open and as Ellie stepped inside, the room lit up. The panels to the left and the right turned on and the screen in front of her started up. It seemed like any other science lab in the city, but when Ellie was about to leave, an image suddenly appeared in the middle of the room. 
“If this message is pl-playing,” The hologram started to say, a little laggy and the voice sounded distorted with age, but it was clear enough for Ellie to realise who it was. “Then you must have found me.” The image continued. “My daughter…” Her breath caught at the back of her throat. “My darling daughter, Elenore…” And it was then that it felt like she was falling, her breath was taken away and her whole body felt numb.
A hand reached out and caught the panel in front of her, having to hold onto something to keep her balance.
“I know this will be a little diffi-difficult to understand,” Patty White stood in the centre of the room, dressed in clothes that only further proved that it was 10,000 years old. “But trust me when I say that - that I have something that could help with the war against the Wraith.” Another soft gasp and Ellie automatically had her hand shifting towards the radio in her ear. 
“Elenore to Doctor McKay,” Her blue eyes couldn’t move away from the image of her mother - she looked exactly the same, like she hadn’t aged a single day. The pain at the back of her head was still there, but she was pushing it aside so that she could focus on looking at her mother again. 
“Nell? Where are you? You know it’s lunch time?” Rodney replied, his voice a little strained - like he was trying hard not to snap at her for missing lunch. “All we have are Lieutenant Holloway’s brownies and they … they really aren’t that great.”
“Rodney, shut up and listen,” her mother had paused in her speaking, almost like she realised that Ellie wasn’t paying attention. “I’ve found something.”
“What?” His voice was different, almost like he realised she wasn’t teasing. “Where are you?” He asked again. 
“One of the science labs in the south east wing,”
“That area’s completely flooded still…”
“Rodney listen!” Ellie turned to face the doorway, the room behind her starting to dim. “I think I found something to help us against the wraith.” and with that the brunette walked out of the lab, listening to the machine power down and the image of her mother flicker out of existence.
“O-What? How?” There was a sigh and a mumble almost like he was upset to be missing out on lunch. “I’ll come and meet you, stay there.”
Her stomach was falling through to her feet - her head was muddled but she knew that whatever her mother had to help them against the Wraith had to be good. 
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