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sabyfangirl16 · 2 months

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Stay With Me

Summary:

Let's just say that sometimes, when you're having an atrocious night, you need that special someone to be there for you...

“Chris!” Martin called for his brother. “Chris?!”

He was nowhere to be found.

Martin was running through a forest, unlike any other forest he’d ventured in before. He dodged branches, jumped over fallen tree trunks... It seemed as though the trail would never end.

The sun was shining through the tree leaves, making his surroundings all but beautiful. Yet, it all felt so... ominous.

Finally, he slowed to a stop. He thought he had caught a familiar shade of green from the corner of his eye.

Maybe even a hint of red.

He backed up and went to take a look.

…

His face dropped at the sight of his brother lying unmoving on the ground, like a marionette with no puppeteer.

“CHRIS!!!” Martin cried out as he dropped to his knees.

He quickly held his little brother in his lap, and nearly screamed at the sight of blood covering his abdomen. It didn’t take long before his shirt got stained, though it was the least of his worries at the moment as he was too busy trying to put pressure on the wound.

Chris gave a faint whimper. His eyes were closed, almost in a lifeless way…

With a bloody, shaky hand, Martin felt his brother’s pulse: it was weak. Nearly non-existent.

“No, no, no- ” In a wave of panic, Martin held his brother’s face close to his. “Chris, look at me. Look at me, I’m right here!” He begged him as he swiftly brushed his brother’s hair back. He held his hand tight, heavy tears forming in his eyes.

Only two barely audible coughs came out.

“Y-You’re gonna be just fine, I-I promise!” his voice cracked hard.

What even happened? Was it a wild animal?!

“M-Martin…”

Martin gasped softly hearing his brother’s frail voice.

With the little strength he had left, Chris forced his eyes half-open, barely . He was terrifyingly pale; he had lost a lot of blood…

He met his brother’s tormented gaze and, without a word, he simply smiled bittersweetly.

Martin’s eyes grew wide.

No. This couldn’t be happening .

“Chris…” Martin shook his head, his little brother still smiling at him. “Don’t do this to me.”

Chris’ eyes began to close, his hand gradually losing grip on his brother’s.

“Chris?”

Finally, his fingers were resting on the edges of his brother’s palm.

Martin was left staring at his little brother’s lifeless face, eyes wide from shocked despair.

“Christopher…” A pained cry escaped his chest. “Don’t do this to me, bro. Come on…” He gave his body a vain shake. “No, no…” His voice was feeble, nearly broken.

With trembling hands, Martin slowly cupped his little brother’s bloody face. His poor, precious little brother . His tears began to pour down harder than they ever did. He gasped silently as he buried his brother’s numb face in his shoulder. He soothingly ran his hand through his hair, his lips pressed against his forehead. His glassy eyes wandered into nothingness as he painfully processed the fact that he was no longer there, no longer with him.

“No, no, no… Please. Please, don’t do this.”

Eventually, his sobs became louder and interminable, tightly hugging his dear little brother’s limp body in his arms, his tears falling onto his hair.

“ Oh, God. ”

He could already feel the crushing weight of grief pushing down on him, life seeming to have lost all meaning all of a sudden.

“Please, God. No…”

What would he do without him?!

His companion. His best friend.

The world around him began to spin, his tears blinding him from looking at his brother’s face. Then-

“AH!”

Martin’s head was pounding. His entire body was soaked with sweat. He was gasping for air, clenching his chest hard. His heart felt like it would burst out of his chest any moment. Tears were stinging his eyes and staining his face. Heavily disoriented, he couldn’t even make out where he was, and the darkness in the room didn’t help much.

“Martin?”

He suddenly heard him, his eyes growing wide in the dark. That voice .

As he looked to the side, Martin found a pair of brown eyes glowing in the dark. He wanted to say something, but it almost felt like his voice had been stolen. He was paralyzed .

He sensed someone getting out of bed on the other side of the room.

Click .

A night lamp was turned on.

Chris, who looked very much alive , went over to check on his brother. As he sat on the side of his bed, Martin’s eyes remained fixated on his brother’s visage.

“Hey, are you okay?” Chris asked with concern, as his brother only stared at him like he was a ghost. “Martin, you’re kind of freaking me out,” his voice cracked a little.

Martin was pale as a sheet. His eyes scanned Chris’ abdomen: no blood.

At that moment, the image of his brother’s blood-covered body flashed before his eyes.

“ AHH! ” he let out a loud, panicked CRY .

“Martin!” Chris immediately tried to calm him down.

Martin kept screaming, hot tears flowing down his face.

“HEY! Hey, I’m here. You’re okay. Breathe. Breathe.” Chris held his brother’s hands tight, trying to look into his eyes.

“I-I can’t! I can’t!” Martin was practically gasping for air.

“I’m right here, shh…” Chris slowly leaned in for a hug. He gently rocked him back and forth, just like Martin always does to him when he’s in distress.

It took a while, but Martin finally started to calm down a bit, his eyes now bloodshot from all his tears. He held onto his little brother as if the whole world was about to fall apart.

It was a miracle that none of the crew members had woken up so far. (Although Jimmy could be cast aside for that.) It had been a long day, after all.

Chris subconsciously slid into bed, his brother’s arms locked around him as though he was a treasured possession.

In a way, he was .

Chris tried to get his brother to lie down. He could hear his heart pounding hard; he frowned. His brother’s tears had really soaked his hair. Nonetheless, he didn’t mind. The bed was shaking from his brother’s agitation.

Several minutes later, Martin let out a prolonged, heavy and shaky sigh. He sniffled as he wiped his face in his pillow before taking a deep breath.

“Sorry- I-I’m so sorry- ” his voice was terribly raspy.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Chris rubbed his back comfortingly. “I’ll go get you some water.”

As soon as he shifted to get up, Martin instinctively locked his hand on his brother’s wrist like a handcuff.

“ NO! ”

Chris nearly jumped at his reaction. He looked down at his brother’s pleading eyes, his hand tightening on his wrist so hard that he winced from the pain.

“Martin?” Chris’ brows furrowed.

“S-Stay with me,” Martin begged.

Reading his brother’s eyes, Chris understood. “Okay, then. I’ll help you get to the main room and grab a glass of water,” he suggested with a tender tone.

Martin scanned his brother’s eyes deeply, and with the soreness in his throat, it was all enough to convince him. He gave a small, quivery nod.

Carefully, Chris reached out two hands, one to hold his brother’s, and the other wrapped around him for stability.

Martin’s knees were trembling so hard, doing an incredible job at making the trip from the brothers’ room to the main room a challenge of its own. He felt weak, so close to just collapsing onto the floor right then and there. Despite the fact that his brother was heavier than him, Chris was determined to support his weight as much as he could.

When they made it to the main room, Chris led his brother to the center table where he could rest while he went over to the sink to fill him up a glass of water.

That small, insignificant distance between the sink and where Martin was sitting were enough to make him dreadful to the core. He couldn’t even swallow anymore. His shoulders were tense. He kept his drowsy eyes on his little brother, refusing to even blink , fearing that in that minuscule fraction of time, he would just vanish into thin air.

He watched as Chris brought him a glass full of refreshing water before sitting next to him. It took him a few seconds before having a good hold of the glass; his hands were still a bit shaky. But the cool liquid was all but soothing for his throat, making that small “trip” all worth it.

Putting the glass down, Martin sighed heavily. “Thanks,” he whispered.

Chris put a hand on his shoulder and, thanks to the bit of moonlight shining through the rooftop, Martin was able to see his smile. A smile he wouldn’t trade the whole world for.

“Let’s get you back to bed,” Chris finally said in a hushed tone.

Without another word, he accompanied his older brother back to their room, Martin seeming a little less shaken. Regardless of how small the change was, it made Chris feel a little at ease.

Once they made it back, Martin lay down in bed, refusing to let go of his brother who had no choice but to stay by his side. He ran his hand through Chris’ hair as a coping mechanism of some sort, cherishing each second of it. Normally, Chris would be giving him a hard time for touching his hair, but this was an exception he was more than willing to make.

Silence.

“You wanna… talk about it?”

Martin’s heart skipped a beat. He shook his head hard, tightening his arms around his little brother.

Chris sighed. “You don’t have to... But it might help you feel better?” His voice was calm and soothing.

Martin swallowed hard.

“I- ” he found it hard to talk. His eyes began to water again. “I’m just glad you’re here. With me .” He pulled Chris even closer.

Chris felt another tear fall on his hair. His brother’s words deeply perturbed him. He remained silent, snuggling deeper into the embrace.

All through the night, Martin was almost certain he’d never be able to go back to sleep. But Chris refused to fall asleep before he did. He could tell Martin was fighting to keep his eyes open.

“You need sleep, bro,” Chris finally said.

Martin didn’t say anything.

…

“I was running in a forest,” he suddenly started.

Chris was all ears.

“And I was looking for you…” His voice was getting more shaky with each word. “And when I found you- ” A small squeak escaped his throat. “You- ” He swallowed hard. “Y-You were- ” He began to tremble again, sounding as though he would burst into tears once more.

Chris could feel his fingers digging into his shirt and arms. “Hey, it’s okay. Everything’s okay now.” He brushed his hand against his brother’s agonized face. “Whatever happened to me, just know it was never real.” He looked up to find tears already seeping through the corners of his brother’s eyes.

“But i-it felt so real ,” Martin’s lips were shaking badly. He never sounded so scared, so vulnerable.

It almost made Chris burst into tears.

“Hey, look at me.” Chris held his face and looked deep into his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, you hear me?” His voice was comforting and reassuring. “When you wake up, you’ll find me right here.”

Martin looked down at his brother for the longest time, sensing the sincerity in his eyes. “Promise?” He gave him a longing look.

Chris caressed his hand. “I promise.”

With a tear-stained face, Martin gave him a somewhat relaxed smile. “Okay.” He seemed a little pensive.

After a while longer, Martin finally yawned. “Thanks, Chris.” He gently rubbed his face against his little brother’s hair, scooching as close as possible.

It didn’t take long before Martin gave in as he was drifting back to sleep.

Soon, Chris could hear him snoring softly. With a tired smile, he carefully pulled the blanket over them both, his brother’s arms strongly locked around him.

Chris hid his face in his brother’s shoulder and curled into a little ball, Martin now seeming at peace for the first time since he’d woken up.

At last, Chris closed his eyes, and whispered, “Good night, big bro.”

Notes:

Thank you @littlecrittereli for the wonderful cover you made for this fic!

#wild kratts #chris kratt #martin kratt #kratt brothers #wild kratts fanfiction #hurt/comfort #angst #brotherly fluff #nightmare #one shot

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anantaru · 2 years

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𝗢𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗙𝗜𝗫𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 !

˖˚˳⊹ oral fixation feat. heizou : zhongli : itto : kazuha : childe : diluc : kaeya from the 5.5k event special

˖˚˳⊹ warnings: nsfw

˖˚˳⊹ 𝗛𝗘𝗜𝗭𝗢𝗨

heizou is so painfully slow with it, carefully unclasping his belt, unzipping his pants right after while you’re eagerly waiting on your knees, hands running up and down his thighs to somehow tease him when it was heizou who was in control right now. He never shamed you for your obvious desire to have him in your mouth at all times, always so desperate to taste him, not to mention when he would bury his digits into you while he’s fucking you silly into the mattress.

"open up, open up." he’s cooeing at you now, gaze meeting your lewd ones when you carefully teased your tongue out to feel his flushed tip on your wet muscle. The warmth of you made him bite back a sinful moan, his teeth digging against his underlip while your tongue pressed flat on the underside of his throbbing cock where a fat vein was visible around. "fuck." heizou needs to be careful now, it almost felt like he could come undone right about now when you decided to bury him deep inside your mouth in one harsh snap, hiccuping around his girth had your vision threatened to turn white. You’re so gone now, fuck, his salty pre-cum was running down your throat, you needed, no, you deserved more of its taste.

˖˚˳⊹ 𝗭𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗚𝗟𝗜

you’re humming against zhongli’s fingers while you’re swirling your tongue around them gingerly, saliva running down from the corners of your lips while your eyes meet his own. At some point whenever he’s fucking you hard, zhongli would always pry your mouth open to bury his long fingers deep inside your wet warmth. He absolutely knew you were dying for that sort of pleasure, it always made your release stronger than any other in comparison.

"stay like this." he was saying that with a big hazy grin on his face, features painted with something akin to utterly desire. Zhongli growled at the way you were grazing around his fingers with your teeth, hollowing your cheeks and sucking on them like you didn‘t know any better. Now he was fucking you particularly hard while pushing his digits deeper into your lewd mouth. You’re moaning around the combination of both the intrusion in your throat but also the sudden hard pace he went on your needy cunt. Your back arched against his hold, crying out screaming once you felt your climax approach you.

˖˚˳⊹ 𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗢

itto‘s cock was so big, it was almost funny in a way you weren’t able to decipher. You just got to have it buried deep inside your mouth! fuck, you couldn’t wait until his tip would prod against your throat for access. Your mouth watering at the lewd thoughts that were crossing your mind right now. He’s laying on the bed right now while you were hovering over his length, your fingers skillfully reaching around the waistband of his pants to pull them down until they hit his knees, you just weren’t able to wait anymore.

the sudden attention of his hard cock make you clench your thighs together to feel some sort of pleasure yourself. Itto hissed through clenched teeth when you put him in your mouth, fully, until it hit the back of your throat. Finally, —your eyes rolling back at the feeling of him sheathed so wonderfully in your wet warmth—, moaning around his ever so hard cock while you made a mess on his pants, saliva pooling from your lips to over his shaft and hitting his disheveled clothes in the process. Not that itto minded of course, he was a big fan of when you became a messy moaning baby for him.

˖˚˳⊹ 𝗞𝗔𝗭𝗨𝗛𝗔

kazuha was open to anything, really. When you one day told him about your unusual fixation, he was more than delighted to help you out with it in many ways. Couldn’t count anymore on how many times you sucked him off by now. It happened whenever the both of you were alone, doesn’t have to be only inside a secured area though, sometimes you’d even suck him off in the wild with no one around you other than plants and trees that covered the ever so sinful situation in a heart beat.

"careful now." he‘s grinning at you, his pair of bright eyes looking down at you while your fucked out state bobbed your head up and down his shaft. He’s panting, laying back against the hard surface behind him as his legs shivered from your sudden touches around his thighs. You were working your hands up at him, carefully stroking his flesh before finding your way to his balls, eagerly cupping and gently massaging them with your warm hands. Your eyes shutting down close as you could feel him throb inside your mouth, spurts of white covering and running down your throat but you didn’t stop there, only working harder to make the overstimulation visible, maybe you can coax out yet another climax from him. Looking up with those sinful eyes of yours, —kazuha smiled down at you—, before helping you bob your head up and down again.

˖˚˳⊹ 𝗖𝗛𝗜𝗟𝗗𝗘

ajax noticed it almost immediately, —of course he did—, he was so observed, how did you ever think you could hide it from him. He was currently sitting on his leather chair, leaning back while you were nestled in between his thighs to suck him off all obediently. Your mouth was so small in his eyes, smaller than his fat girth that was prying it open just like that. In a way he found it adorable how you always insisted to suck him off before he could fuck you, how you needed it to get yourself off even more.

You’re practically drooling over his hard cock, —that was twitching violently in your mouth—, your puffy lips spread open and around his girth was a sinful sight to behold. Not to mention that you’d always hollow your cheeks whenever you’d have him completely in you, pulling up again harshly to coax yet another broken moan off from childe. The next few deep groans from ajax had your vision threatened to turn blank, they were so deep and guttural, so fucking lewd, you needed to hear more. "just like that." he‘s cooeing at you with a big grin of his face, helping you up and down his cock while nestling his fingers in between your hair, grabbing onto your strands to massage your scalp lightly. You were so close, the way you could probably cum from only his dick in your mouth was in a way embarrassing but you didn’t care, far too gone in the feeling of this sort of pleasure.

˖˚˳⊹ 𝗗𝗜𝗟𝗨𝗖

diluc always needs to put your pleasure first! he‘s so madly in love with you and wants to show you exactly that in every way imaginable. So when he got a hold of your little fixation he was more than pleased to indulge in it to make you happy. Before fucking you he’d always let you suck on his digits, coating them with countless amounts of saliva which will not only get you but him off. It was so arousing, he never really noticed, but the way you were circling your warm tongue around his fingers was honestly to die for.

diluc is watching your every expression closely, letting out a deep moan when you playfully bit down on his digits to shoot yet another playful hazy grin at him. For a moment he’s pulling out his fingers from your warm mouth to replace it with his heavy cock, that was eagerly waiting for some sort of release as well. It was swollen and twitching, tip red and leaking with mounds of pre-cum, ready to get sheathed into your mouth as he pried open your lips with it, sliding himself in until he hit the back of your throat. You hiccuped at his girth, saliva pooling down and staining your chin while you carefully placed your hands at his thighs to stroke them up and down. You were watching diluc eagerly through your lashes, puppy eyes blinking at him and babbling incoherent words of gratitude to him which he obviously wasn’t able to understand, but its the thought that counts. <3

˖˚˳⊹ 𝗞𝗔𝗘𝗬𝗔

kaeya accepts you as you are, but also, he couldn’t deny the fact that it was so unbelievably hot whenever you’d beg for his dick deep in your mouth. Archons, the mere thought of him thrusting into your wet mouth, lips around his girth and using you just how he saw fit. Your figure on your knees while he was hovering over you, pants unbuckled and hanging loosely around his knees while you trailed your fingers down your body to play with yourself. Kaeya’s biting back a moan at the sinful sight in front of him now.

"you dirty little minx." he‘s saying that with a teasing voice of some sort, grin big and lewd painted over his facial features as he watched your fingers work with yourself while you sucked him off all desperately. The lewd sounds of both those scenarios bouncing off the walls was music to his ears. You were getting all messy too! kaeya adored it whenever you’d roll your eyes back while dozen amounts of saliva would run down your chin, mixed with his salty pre-cum that stained the floor underneath the both of you. "i’m so close baby, open up more." kaeya‘s saying that in between harsh breathing, practically tasting his climax approach as the deep knot in his stomach broke, warm spurts of white ribbons coating the back of your throat as you moaned around his fat girth, swallowing everything he gave you in a mere heartbeat and taking in his musky scent mixed with the salty substance on your tongue.

5.5k event special

do not! share, copy or repost my work. ✎ ©ANANTARU 2022

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izukuwus · 11 months

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Legs Spreadable Arrangements (NSFW)

M.list (Edible Arrangements) - M.list (General) - Read on Ao3

A/N: hey do those of you reading EA right now want a spinoff that's Not Doing That right now? here, on me. I don't remember writing this but I'm glad for the chance to use my EA after dark banner again! if you're not an EA reader, you don't need to be to read this! it works as a standalone just fine.

Summary: You dream sometimes, too.

Warnings/notes: this is just smut. I'm not gonna "under 18 dni" y'all but if you ARE under 18 I don't want to hear about it. LOTS of biting, bloodplay, afab reader, dubiously dubcon, a bit of aphrodisiacs coming into play. vampire!Izuku x reader. this is a spinoff of Edible Arrangements and takes place after EA 28, but reading EA is not necessary to understand or enjoy this spinoff. this is also a companion piece to Almost Wet. As with Almost Wet, you do not need to read this to understand and appreciate the greater EA fic!

Word count: ~2200 words

“Um, [n-name]?”

You pick up your nose from your book. You’d been glancing over its pages, over and over again, processing not a single word of it. You’re not sure when Izuku entered the library, but he’s here now, looking at you with lip caught between his teeth. Immediately, you notice the thirsty look in his eyes. “Need something, Izu?”

“Well… um…”

You smile, set aside your book. He comes to sit on the opposite side of the library’s new couch—a recent addition, though you can’t remember when Izuku bought it to begin with. It’s nice, though, the texture lovely against your skin as you find your one spare moment this November to just read something. “Come on, spit it out.”

“I’m… I need another drink,” he blurts.

You blink slowly, tilting your head. “Another? I just fed you last night.”

“Yes, but... I’m just… please, [name]. I’m so thirsty.” He’s leaning closer, and you’re adjusting to it, turning to face him. He’s not even lying, not even the faintest hint of a glow to him as he pleads for even one more drop of your blood.

“If you’re really that thirsty, then…” You let out a good-natured sigh, running a hand through your hair. “Have at me. Watch out, though.” You waggle an eyebrow at him. “You’re starting to act like you’re addicted or something.”

He leans over you, and then, again, he’s crawling over your body, muscular arms caging you in.

Today’s been quiet. You haven’t focused a moment, not since last night’s drink. The truth is…

“You’re the one addicted, aren’t you?” he mumbles against the flesh of your neck. He’s so, so close to danger, and that thrill courses through you all over again.

You shudder, let your head drop back to allow him greater access. The second his fangs touch flesh, you can’t fight the shaky breath that leaves your lips.

“You have got to stop teasing me like this,” he mumbles.

“What do you—ah—“ This time, like every time, feels downright sinful, fangs effortlessly piercing skin like they were crafted to do. Of course a tiny moan leaves you. Of course he hears it. Your stomach drops—you’re in deep shit this time. You expect him to jump off of you, to flurry apologies your way until you find a way to convince him that really, it’s fine, but he doesn’t.

He pulls back, slow, lathing his tongue over the new wounds even though he must have barely gotten a few drops from you. “See, that’s exactly what I mean. D-do you have any idea what you do to me?”

He’s back again in a moment, switching sides and moving you to do it without question. You let him, feeling the sweet pain of his teeth on your neck, the sweet rush of his venom flooding into you. It’s small, at first—just enough for the pain to slip away, but quickly, that fluttery, woozy feeling rushes to your head.

It’s so… nice.

“I’m not wrong, am I?” he says as he pulls off again. That, too, was barely a bite. “You love this.” A graze of his teeth, further up your neck. His hands move to reposition you firmly, but not painfully, gripping your shoulders. You shudder with each flash of his teeth on your skin. “You’d let me bite you whenever I wanted.” Again. “However I wanted.” Again. “Wherever I wanted.” Again. “Isn’t that right, [name]?”

You nod, words dying in your throat. “God, Izuku, you tell me to stop teasing and then you—“

He captures your lips, and there’s not another word to be had between you.

Izuku is a surprisingly good kisser, especially for someone who likely hasn’t kissed anyone since he was human. (Or maybe he has. That would be a long time to go without it.) Every sensation of it has your synapses firing, the world a cascade of nothing but experiences. Already you’re dizzy, already your head’s spinning. You kiss back with a fervor that has him moaning openly into your mouth.

This is what you’ve wanted. This is right.

Before long, hot, open-mouthed kisses trail off your lips and trace your jawline. Before longer, he’s on your neck again, sucking hickeys into bite marks and kissing each and every one.

“How are you ever going to be able to move on from me if you let me keep this up?” he mumbles into your throat. “After all I’ve done?”

You shudder, eyes half-lidded. “Whaddaya mean?”

“You’re going to be covered in scars,” he breathes. “I’m going to have you marked everywhere.”

You laugh, feeling delirious from the speed of it all. Perhaps also something else taking hold—each successive bite has left you ever loopier, ever more sensitive. “You bite too pretty to scar. You’re gonna have to be a bit rougher with me if you want the marks to last.”

Though his cheeks are red, it doesn’t impede him. “I-I could do that. I could bite you places future boyfriends will never be overlook. Harder, deeper, to make sure the bites never leave.”

You regard him with hot cheeks. “You could.”

“May I?”

“Please.”

The flurry of heat, teeth, and blood descends on you. You’re overtaken by Izuku’s mouth—buttons of your button-down top popping away, flesh decorated with new smears of blood, new open wounds dotting your neck, your collarbone, the swell of your breasts. And again, with each new bite, each lathe of his tongue over your wounds, your head grows hazier. Each bite is small, closed up quickly—you don’t think it’s blood loss carrying you away. (Not that you can think.)

“I’ve seen the way you look at my teeth, you know.”

“Zuku—“

“You like this, don’t you? Love it, even?”

“Zuku—“

He’s moved away from the exposed swell of your breast now, taken your left hand—your unburned hand—in his. Your wrist is wrapped completely by his large hands, and he meets your eyes with a viridescent smoke as he takes your wrist to his lips. “Even if I could change you. Even if I could control you. Even if I could make you do anything I asked?”

“You don’t need to enthrall me to do that.”

“But you’d like it if I did?”

You don’t even hesitate to nod. In that moment, all you can see is vivid green eyes and stark white fangs. In your mind, he moves, sinks his teeth into the flesh of your wrist, stares at you so sweetly as he takes over your head. In your mind, he wants you to give yourself completely to him. In your mind, you would have been compliant, but you lose that choice willingly. In your mind, neither of you looks away.

In this reality, however, he places a single, soft kiss there and firmly places your wrist on the sofa. He has other plans for you, apparently. He pulls you by your legs with ease, until his hips slot against yours and you’re flat on your back. You’re glad you chose some of your shorter sleep shorts today. Glad he has access.

His teeth brush against your inner thigh with barely an effort from him. You flinch in spite of yourself, and he reaches up to hold your leg firmly in place. "Careful," he mutters, more to your thighs than you, "it's dangerous here."

It is. It is dangerous, and danger is delicious, especially with your head swimming the way it is.

Izuku, you think as he moves in, because it's all you can think.

"Izuku," you gasp when he begins to suck on the soft flesh, because it's all you can say.

"Izu—" you barely manage when he pulls away to reveal the already-forming hickey he's left there, because it's all you can manage.

He's shifting position again, now, hungry eyes devouring your form as he pulls your clothes away. Your shirt had been hanging on by a thread before, but now, it's gone, your bra pulled out of the way before you can process or even blink, lips closing over your unloved nipple. This isn't happening. It can't be, and yet, all you can see is the fluffy mass of curls on his head as his tongue swirls around your bud. However, even when he's making you see stars—too much, it's all too much, why is this so much—he can't shut up.

"I'm glad to have you to test on," he says when he comes up for air.

"Nn?"

"I had a theory that vampire venom was a bit more than just a painkiller, you know? And I think we're proving it quite nicely. Can I test it out some more?"

You nod, shallow. All you can comprehend is that last word—more—and that's more than enough for you. Every touch he leaves on your skin, every kiss, every bite, every tease, leaves your skin singing out for more—heightened, sensitive, sweet.

Time has blurred. You process when he bites your unmarked thigh, holding you down with a firm grip (later you'll think it was for your safety, though the ease of it alone has you shuddering). You process the feeling of heat flooding through you, a new wave crashing down on you, and you process that when the heat clears, his eyes watch from beneath your legs with a sharp, calculating look. Only then do you feel his tongue. Only then do you realize you've been keening out his name this whole time, a mantra, a chant—Izuku Izuku Izuku—until it doesn't sound real anymore.

And damn, is he good with his tongue. Or maybe he's just good at reading you—the way your voice pitches when he moves just right, the way your hips threaten to buck if not for his hands holding you down. He's certainly good enough to know exactly the right moments to pull away from you to leave you whining.

"Be patient," he tuts, "I'm not done with you yet."

You tug at him, finally find the strength to move an arm and bury fingers in his hair. And then, he's back on you, a man starved, building, tongue lathing over your clit and dipping inside of you until that knot's back in your stomach, pulling tighter, tighter, taut—

"Izuku please," you nearly cry when he pulls off of you again.

He laughs, and it sounds sadistic to you as he presses soft kisses to your thighs again. "I can't help it. This isn't just about you, you know."

He sounds too sweet as he takes the time to once again leave small bites on your thighs. Like you needed even more of that damn aphrodisiac to—to—

There's his tongue again. This time, you're determined to hold him down until he makes you cum, tugging at his hair, but you find your hands weak with the pleasure. He pulls off of you and you find that you are crying, even as he pulls away entirely and mumbles soft apologies your way.

When he slides into you, you see stars. It's easy, you're slicker than you've ever been—you're well-prepared but he's big. You didn't even see him undress—a true tragedy, but one you can't find that you care about now that his cock's speared you. The edging had been necessary, even with all the help of vampire venom flooding through you and turning you stupid.

He's so, so gentle. He has to be, with the way he stretches you out. It takes ages for him to move, and when he does, you feel every inch—slow and deliberate and so, so good. Worth the hell of the wait, even as you find yourself now chanting more instead of his name. It feels like it takes years for him to pick up the pace, and then he's losing himself, pressing into you to the hilt again and again.

"More," you cry.

"I wanna make this last," he replies, but he only thrusts faster. His speed and force, more and more of both, until all that's left is to let your mouth hang open and feel it. It's so good, so good, so—

Your eyes open, your will to keep them closed nowhere to be found. Being awake is unpleasant—the heat between your legs damp and slick and your stomach fluttering with the effects of a dream you could have happily kept having.

And then you remember.

You fell asleep next to Izuku last night.

You shoot up, sitting bolt upright as you take in your surroundings with a sense of dread. You're expecting to see his face, red, eyes wide with disgust because you're stupid, so stupid, how could you—

But he's not here. In fact, you're not on the floor next to him and Sbeve anymore. You’re in your room, in your bed (not slept in for a good few nights before this), fully dressed and alone, the door shut. He must have woken up before you and carried you to bed.

You decide two things:

One, that there’s no reason not to finish the job. (Your hand slides down to the heat between your legs.)

Two, that after this, you’re going to forget any of this ever happened.

It’s all you can do.

Tags: @tooloudarts @xxangelpridexx @lirinstaalem @izoodles @denise-the-death-goddess @themerpenguin @sincerelybubbles @fudobaby @imabootywarrior @chickynn @fuc-kingmonkey @the-secret-thief @kc-korra @kiliakit @hay-leeeah @meowkid1000 @mha-baku-todo-deku-kiri @jojo-buttercup @starfishlovingbnha @wwwwyamd @omiwashere @emilytheeggy @subwayslander @thelittle-witch @sparkexplosive @shoutaaizawas @vanilladyfics @stargazerunlimited @chaoticevilbakugo @deeplightgarden @stxrrielle @idonthaveanameideayet @snowymaltese @bnha-babygirl @graywrites20 @dusstory @sky-angel101

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#my fics #midoriya izuku x reader smut #izuku midoriya x reader smut #deku x reader smut #vampire midoriya izuku

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boytumms · 7 months

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Okay don't mind me, I've just been reading too much about various sorts of mythology stuff and... old myths genuinely have a lot more weird pregnancy things than you'd expect (I still find the fact that Odin's eight-legged horse in Norse mytholohy is the son of Loki - whom Loki was pregnant wirh anf gave birth to, mind - way too funny, although that's completely beside the point), so... this isn't inspired directly by a specific myth, but reading random mythology stuff is kinda what put this into my mind

Anyway, I've been thinking of a boy who somehow manages to royally piss off a fertility god. Perhaps he defiles their shrine, or steal some sacred item or mess with their priest - or maybe him just refuses to do something the god wants him to do. And because gods are so well-known for never being spiteful and always giving proportionate and reasonable punishments (extreme sarcasm), the god curses the boy to become pregnant, but unable to give birth unless some extremely specific conditions are met. Maybe he can only give birth at one specific location, or has to eat some specific hard-to-aquire thing to induce labor, or it's one of those seemingly impossible and contradictory "neither at sea nor on land, neither at day nor at night, neither alone nor with other people" kind of conditions (i pulled that specific one out of my ass but you can find similar kind of contradictory and stupidly specific shit in mythology sometimes, you get my point), or some combination of the above, or some other stupidly specific and unintuitive condition, idk.

And the boy doesn't know the condition, of course. The first nine months he simply waits for the pregnancy to run its course, but as the months stretch on past the ninth, past the tenth, with no sign of the pregnancy coming to an end, he realizes he's not getting off the hook that easily. By then, of course, he's so heavily pregnant that everything is difficult - he can't walk very far at once at all, he needs ridiculous amounts of fabric to have clothes that fit, the baby - or babies, rather; he can't tell but he thinks he must have two or three in there - are restless and kick and writhe so he hardly has a moment's peace from them...

So he becomes searching for some solution, some way to birth the babies. First whatever conventional ways there are to induce labor. None of them do anything. He prays and makes sacrifices to the god, groveling and apologizing and begging for relief. No response. Then, he begins to seek out wise people, priests and oracles and shamans, first close by, then traveling further and further away to find someone who could tell him what to do.

It takes years, years of incredibly difficult travel, of weird looks from others and humiliation and yet often having to rely on the aid of other people to get to wherever he's going this time, because really he's in no state to travel except he doesn't have a choice. After the initial nine months, the babies do seem to grow slower than before that, but they do still grow little by little, making the burden quite literally heavier to bear, and they are restless in his womb, as though they too would know it is well past their time to be born already.

But finally, after years of searching, years of torment, the boy finds out the condition, and figures out a way to fulfill it. Once that is done, though, there's still the incredibly long and painful process of labor and giving birth to the babies, now much larger than his body ever was designed to give birth to...

I loooove perpetual pregnancies like this!!! It could even be similar to the Greek story abt Leto, so he’s in labor as he tries to figure out how to break his curse. Imagine him having to suffer through contractions, feeling his baby’s head sooo painfully low in his hips as he tries to push but the curse prevents it from coming out all while he’s in search of a way to give birth.

After years and years of searching, his babies become massive. Even with the slowed growth, they’d be the size of 2-3 year olds by the time he finally manages to fill the conditions to progress his labor. Maybe as he’s finally giving birth to his first baby, the god that cursed him decides to come down, just to torment him one last time before his punishment is over. There’s nothing the boy can do to get way from the god, belly pinning him to the ground with the weight of his writhing babies, unable to escape the wrathful god. Each time his baby comes to a crown, the god pushes it back in, making his scream is sob in agony, begging to be let go as it makes his tummy twist and writhe. He tries to kick and push the god away, but he’s too weak after carrying such a burden with him for so many years, completely helpless in the hands of his tormentor.

It goes on for days, weeks even, the god switching between pushing his babies back into his belly, then and painfully squeezing the swell to watch him thrash. Once they’re sure he’s learned his lesson, they let the last baby slip out between his trembling legs, leaving him exhausted, alone, surrounded by half a dozen massive babies as he’s finally allowed to pass out

#ask #anonymous #mpreg #hyper preg #hyper pregnancy #birth #belly torture #belly kink #writings

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dazaiandhislovelybandages · 28 days

Note

5. "Why did I give her my shirt? Why couldn't I just let her wear her own?" For Uramichi? Like reader stayed over at his home because it suddenly poured as his home is nearer & reader needs a change of clothes?

Rainy Days Like This {Uramichi}

Pairing: Uramichi Omota x reader

Warnings: mentions of depression

Despite having been dating each other for two months now, your relationship still felt new to Uramichi. He was so used to being alone and spending his evenings either still in work or at home working out, letting out the rare occassions where he would meet with his colleagues.

He still wasn't used to you sometimes waiting for him to get done with work, visiting him on set on your days off, or staying over at each other's house sometimes. Especially the last one had to be arranged beforehand so either you or Uramichi could bring pyjamas with you.

"Fuck I am freezing..." You mumbled as soon as you entered his apartment. It was common knowledge that Uramichi walked to the studio so when you visited him earlier that day you had no idea it would rain and that the two of you would end up soaking wet.

His house had been closer so you had practically ran there. The comfort provided by the somewhat warm apartment almost made you cry; it was freezing outside.

"I'll get you something to wear." Uramichi mumbled, helping you with taking off your soaked jacket.

He was back in mere seconds, carrying one of his hoodies and a pair of clean grey sweatpants; most importantly dry. You quietly took the clothes from his hands and went to the bathroom to get changed. At the point the two of you were right now, the truth was that even if you stayed in his bedroom while he was getting changed he wouldn't mind. He had seen you naked many times and vice versa. But right that very moment the bathroom seemed like the best option.

In slow movements, you removed your clothes. Uramichi had turned on the heater for sure since the small apartment was slowly gettting warmer and warmer and you could feel your limbs gaining sensation once more.

You took some time, admiring yourself in the mirror. Not once had you worn his clothes and you could for certain now say that they looked kind of big on you but not because of the height difference. Uramichi was built almost like an ancient Greek god after all those years spent in gymnastics.

All of a sudden you heard a muffled voice coming from the bedroom and since you were now ready, you opened the bathroom door only to see Uramichi pacing nervously back and fourth. It was an odd sighting. His facial expression was earily calm, not even a hint of emotion but he was mumbling to himself as if something serious had happened.

"Why did I give her my shirt?" He spoke the moment you opened your mouth to speak. He still hadn't noticed you, he hadn't even bothered changing clothes or drying his hair. "Why couldn't I just let her wear her own?"

"Excuse me?" You cut him off immediately, confused. It was completely out of his character to say things like that.

Uramichi turned to look at you, surprised. It did take him a few seconds to process the fact that not only you had heard him but you were also standing in front of him, wearing his clothes. Not someone else's. His. When the realisation hit him, it hit him like a truck, his eyes widening and a rare blush tinting his cheeks.

"Oh my god you're blushing!" You exclaimed, not once having seen him blush. It wasn't like him to do so, most of the times he seemed painfully indifferent to any cute moments -though you had this theory that he was secretly noting down every single cute memory of you.

"Delete it from your memory!"

"Absolutely not!" You bursted out laughing before taking a small step closer to him, making a small twirl. "How do I look?"

"Gorgeous." Uramichi responded, his face back to being indifferent. This time, however, it was softer than usual, softer than you had ever witnessed.

"For someone who looked so anxious over me wearing his shirt you certa-"

His lips were cold and trembling when they met yours. They were so soft since he always applied lip balm but it wasn't that that made you melt in his arms. It was the way he held your face, the way he took it in his hands, cupping your cheeks so gently as if they were made out of glass.

Not once had you seen him so... hungry for something. He was kissing you as if it was your first time all over again. It was odd but cute exactly because Uramichi would most likely never do something like that again, at least not now, still so early in your relationship. He would never kiss you so suddenly any time soon but you would. You would, especially when the time called for it.

"You really do look gorgeous." He whispered, his hands falling softly to your waist.

#uramichi oniisan x reader #uramichi omota x reader #uramichi x reader #uramichi omota #uramichi oniisan #life lessons with uramichi oniisan #big brother uramichi #writing #anime and manga #anime #manga #big brother uramichi x reader #life lessons with uramichi x reader #life lessons with uramichi oniisan x reader #omota uramichi #omota uramichi x reader

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lilacwisps · 1 year

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Love your writing! Could I please have some headcanons of how the boys (Sebastian, Ominis, Garreth) are when they go down on f!MC? Thank youuuu

Hi nonnie, of course 💜 (under cut for obvious reasons though nothing too explicit lol)

Sebastian:

Sebastian has an excellent technique- this boy's got a silver tongue in more ways than one.

He loves teasing MC and will spend forever trailing kisses and love bites up her thighs until she's writhing under his mouth, desperate for him to touch her where she wants it most.

He'll give in eventually, tasting MC thoroughly yet painfully slowly, making her yearn for more.

Sebastian often fantasizes about MC coming apart under his touch time and time again until she's a trembling mess whimpering his name as she buries her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to her aching core.

Unfortunately for Sebastian, he doesn't have the self-control required to bring this plan to life - as soon as MC comes undone even once, all he can think about is burying himself to the hilt in her heat.

Sebastian's quite the thrill seeker, so he's definitely tried to convince MC to let him taste her when they are alone in an empty classroom or a broom closet.

Ominis:

There are few things Ominis loves more than the sound of MC's soft whimpers as he traces featherlight kisses up her thighs, how soft and warm she feels under his mouth, and her delightfully sweet and oh-so-sinful taste.

Ominis is a quick learner and a very attentive lover - it doesn't take him long to figure out how to please MC exactly how she likes.

Despite everything they've been through, Ominis still almost cannot believe that someone as special as MC could love him back, so he's determined to make her feel the best she's ever felt.

Most of the time, he's slow and methodical and gentle as he showers every inch of MC's sensitive flesh with attention, tasting and touching her in a way that'll make her come apart under his lips and tongue in no time at all.

Whenever Ominis gets jealous, it's a different story - jealousy always makes him vicious. He'll spend forever teasing MC until she's a whimpering, babbling mess writhing under his mouth, utterly lost in her pleasure, desperate for him to have her. That makes an odd sense of pride uncoil in his chest - that's right, he's the only one who can make her feel this way.

Garreth:

Garreth's a sweetheart, so enthusiastic and oh so eager to please - few things make him happier than making MC feel good. While he might not have the best technique, whatever Garreth may lack in finesse, he more than makes up for in pure enthusiasm.

He can get a little distracted during the process - neglecting the rest of MC's body feels almost unfair, so sometimes he'll pull away from his task to pepper kisses all over her.

Garreth lives for the moments when MC snakes her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, moving her hips against his mouth, and when her thighs tighten around his head as he finds a particularly sensitive spot.

He enjoys going down on MC and is not shy about it - if it's been more than a few days, he'll be begging MC for a taste.

He loves watching MC as she's lost in her pleasure - she looks so good, so utterly flushed, disheveled, and debauched that the sight alone is enough to bring him to the edge... and over the edge that one time, which, perhaps, was not his finest moment, but in his defense, MC looked and tasted devastatingly delicious.

Like Sebastian, Garreth enjoys a little bit of a thrill, so he's definitely considered asking MC to let him taste her in an empty classroom.

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow #ominis gaunt #ominis x mc #garreth weasley #garreth weasley x mc

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venus-vampire · 2 years

Text

ℙ𝔸ℂ: 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚐𝚒𝚏𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜?

Tarot collaboration with @daarlingdatura

ℙ𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝟙 // ℙ𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝟚 // ℙ𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝟛 // ℙ𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝟜

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽ Pile 1 ☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅

This pile could have some friend group drama or friend drama going on. This situation will bring you some clarity and enlightenment thought- as well as some inner peace. Like you could learn to really love yourself through this situation so even though it sucks it's like a blessing in disguise because you get to realize how amazing you are.

You’ve got a reward coming through for making such intense and powerfully transformative emotional breakthroughs, you guys are naturally very balanced and stand strong in your judgments. You know when to call shots or take action, and you know how to differentiate between right and wrong in the grander scheme of things. You don’t get so swept up in momentary emotions. You take your time in executing decision making or in going through with your decided plans & patiently wait or what you want, even if it’s painfully slow.

You understand cause and effect very well, and you generally know what’s coming for you next. You usually know what the outcome of your choices are as well,

YESS they know like the unconscious process of karma and actions. You know how to get what you want through hard work, and you are also someone who can energetically do road openings! This group could also be really adept in astral traveling !

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽ Pile 2 ☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅

This pile knows the cycles of people, and even life itself. They know that some things must come to an end for others to begin. This pile is in touch with their actual hidden gifts and blessings.

Your blessings are your innate understanding of the universe, energy, and magick. A lot of you also have incredibly powerful bloodlines as well I'm feeling!

I feel like y’all are blessed with strong ancestry, solid friendships, the ability to transition? Datura heard transition, transition of states of mind.

One of your gifts is balancing, I feel like y’all have this ability to swap energies and situations. You can switch your experiences, sometimes for fun.

Y’all protect your boundaries and are careful who they give time and attention to. But y’alls hidden gift is your empathetic and emotional nature. I feel like this group is full of healers and natural spiritualists. Nature is literally on the top of datura’s deck!!

There's probably also a lot of people with mutable in their big 3, venus, mutable dominant people in this pile.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ Pile 3 ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

This is more of a hidden message you need to hear! Mixed in with some blessings and gifts.

You guys are serving extreme bad bitch energy. You are very much unapologetically you and you know what the fuck you’re talking about. Though you can tend to be very pessimistic, you could have really bad experiences with friendships and personal connections. Because of your experiences with others you can have a tendency to be superficial and a bit dull, because of this fear of connection. You don’t want it to backfire so you prefer to just be distant and not let people truly into your life. Alex said he was listening to the album Pink Friday by Nicki Minaj and that it made him think this pile is like her, and will defend their originality, identity, and selves at all costs. In the past you could’ve been naive, letting just anyone waltz into ur life, so now there’s almost a judgy nature to you. Where you need people to be as cool as you, when it’s unfortunately generally not the case. There is deep trauma a lot of you are avoiding with a smile plastered onto your face. I imagined a doll waving to a crowd, it’s like in the public eye you pretend to be the highest version of yourself but alone you can feel horrible and insecure at times. Not always though. Just sometimes. When you heal this vulnerability & connection trauma it’ll get better with times babes. This group can also tend to be seduced into befriending people with shitty intentions because they gaslight their intuition and really want to see the potential of a person they find to be cool. Like honestly this pile can be so superficial about connection sometimes. I feel like you could deal with a lot of conflicting thoughts and even paranoia surrounding friendships and connection. Spirit is saying to quit being so fucking paranoid and live your life. Not everything is that serious and you are seriously divinely protected. Like this group is very spiritually attuned and is well endowed spiritually. Quit being a pessimist and you will get to where you’re going with much less bullshit. Remember the world is a reflection of your mind. Also start following through on ur ideas, get your work ethic together, quit second guessing your ideas and walking away from ur projects just bc they don’t immediately blow up.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ Pile 4 ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

I feel like y’all going through something not very fun right now, and your hidden blessings are kind of this ability you have to sink down and break yourself down and let everything bad melt away so you can be reborn. I feel like y’all are also a very vigilant pile, a little too vigilant.

I believe this pile’s hidden gifts and blessings are their ability to connect with others in equal and fair relationships. I feel like people will go out of their way to help you. People may look up to you and seek your advice or presence. Cherish those around you, pile 4.

I feel like y’all also have good temper control but know when to be assertive and let your spicy emotions out.

Pile 4 can quickly come back from failures and spend time within themselves to spring back up like nothing happened. Y’all learn a lot from pain as well, so endings, failures, deaths, etc are a blessing in disguise for this group usually. “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” is true for y’all.

I would say that y’all are generally positive people, but when the pain comes up y’all can get caught in it. Like you put forth your best, but get knocked down, not realizing the point is kind of allowing you to learn.

Datura heard work on being more positive or coping with failures. Try not exploding and self destructing every time something goes wrong. Good luck pile 4 <3

#pac reading #brujeria #pac tarot #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pick a pile tarot #pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards #divination #tarotblr #pick a picture #collective reading

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cdreambur · 6 months

Text

au where dream is a privateer and wilbur is a pirate.

they have an ongoing rivalry, dream believing himself to be better because of his permit from the crown while wilbur doesn't see dream as a real raider because of his protection from the royals.

the two of them and their crews often clash with each other since they sail in the same waters and sometimes target the same ships.

insults, banter, and fights between them are common.

but one day, dream arrives at the castle to report back to the king and collect his payment and finds the court in an excited flurry, whispers surrounding him everywhere he goes.

he asks one of the servants about it after his audience with the king, breath hitching when the young man answers, "they've captured captain soot."

that night, dream returns to his ship with a sinking feeling in his stomach that he can't quite explain.

over the next weeks, he goes about his business like usual, sailing through the familiar sea and hijacking ships from the enemies.

something feels off though.

there's no rival crew to fight them for the attack, no brown coat fluttering in the wind, no sassy remarks when dream and his friends transport their loot over to their ship.

and dream admits to himself that maybe, he liked wilbur a lot more than he wanted to.

during his next visit to the castle, he keeps his ears open, learning that wilbur's being held in one of the torture chambers below the dungeon.

something about the words makes his heart twist painfully.

in the end, he asks his crew for help, all of them surprisingly willing to save wilbur.

with their help, dream has no problem breaking in and getting the keys from the body of an unconscious guard, leaving his quartermaster and best friend, sapnap, on look-out while he slips down to the chambers.

it's dark and wet, the air thick and stuffy. only one door in the corridor is closed, and dream has to try four keys before he finally finds the right one.

what he finds on the other side almost makes him throw up.

wilbur's lying on the dirty floor, his back torn up and bloody. there are chains around his wrists, and dream can see the bruising underneath them, blue and green and black. his usually fluffy brown curls are tangled and soaked with sweat and blood, and when dream steps closer, he can see cuts and burn marks all over wilbur's arms.

he reaches out, wanting to unlock the chains, but when his fingers brush wilbur's, the brunet flinches violently, a sob echoing through the room.

"please, no, no more. please, i can't- please."

dream's heart breaks at the desperate words, and he swallows before he finally whispers, "i- it's dream. wil, i'm here to help you, i promise, please just let me help you."

finally, wilbur looks at him.

it's gut-wrenching, brown eyes that used to be warm and twinkling with mischief now dull and devastatingly empty.

but there's recognition shimmering in them, and when dream reaches out the next time, wilbur stays still, allowing him to open the lock and tug the metal away from wilbur's wrists.

getting him up and out of the cell is a slow process, but in the end, they make it back up to the rest of the crew and together, they return to the smp in the last remains of darkness.

as their resident doctors, karl and bad are tasked with taking care of wilbur's countless injuries, and despite dream's protests, the two of them kick everyone out of the captain's quarters.

it's only in the evening that dream's allowed back, finding wilbur bandaged up and mostly awake in his bed.

they talk for a long time. about what happened, how they can find wilbur's ship and crew. about their families and their friends and why the sea makes them happy.

they fall asleep next to each other, wilbur's hand carefully held in dream's own.

two days later, they find the l'manberg in the hidden cave wilbur described to them, and the reunion between the captain and his crew even makes george cry.

dream and his crew come to the unanimous decision to stay.

that night, dream burns his permit from the king before stepping up to the bow of the ship, joining his new captain.

#tw for implied torture and relatively descriptive injuries #i love putting wilbur through physical and/or emotional pain sorry not sorry lol #wrote this in like an hour and it's getting closer and closer to 1am so i will sleep now :)#dreambur #c!dreambur #madduo #au ideas

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weenwrites · 2 months

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Hey hey Ween! Hope you're doing well! I couldn't help but notice over time it feels like your ah..Spice? Zest maybe? Has gone down over time. I hope nothing on here has like, bummed you out or made you less into writing. That's not to say that I expect someone to act the same forever ya know. But yeah I'm basically just wanting to check on you. 👍

Hi! I really appreciate the gesture! My answer's below.

If you mean that my passion/enthusiasm for writing has dulled down recently (or over the past few months), it has, and the whole AI debacle has worsened the deterioration process.

But even with that going on, I still enjoy writing for other people, though my ability to be able to consistently write and queue up fics has deceased because of how repetitive, unrewarding, and taken-for-granted the work can sometimes feel (also life and education also get in the way but, eh).

However, the people like you who have sent in words of thanks and compliments about my writing make it more enjoyable for me to run this blog and write requests, so thank you once again!

On the other hand regarding negative experiences, the worst I've ever had so far is just when people don't even bother to look at/follow my rules. It's infuriating whenever someone sends in a request and it's so, painfully clear that they didn't even to bother to look any further down my rules post, but I'm just happy I haven't received any harassment or any homophobic asks.

Even with all of these in mind I still want to write and maintain this blog, even if it takes me a billion years to unprivate all of my works one by one and then post them to pillowfort. I'll just be a little slow to do so.

#asks #wolfkid22 #[ initially i thought this was talking about cooking or something ]#[ and i was thinking “huh??? what?????? what are you talking about??? what spice??? what zest??” ]#[ “there isn't anything like that in my writing??? at least i don't think???? does my writing have a particular taste or something???" ]#[ but anyways fun fact: i've written 100k plus words for this blog. ]#[ the word document i'm using to store all my fics lags severely whenever i open it up. ]

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allsadnshit · 2 years

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Just tried to figure out crocheting for like an hour and got so overwhelmed I had to stop! It's like my 3rd time trying this month and I truly can't figure it out no matter how many YouTube tutorials I try.

I am such a painfully slow learner and I forget and lose focus super easily and I have very little self confidence in trying new things even though it's so fun to! I am trying to let myself feel how I feel and not ascribe any moral conflicts onto it for my self worth. Sometimes I really can't be around fast learners who have a lot of ego, even though I love diy stuff. I hate when I'm trying to do something new and someone chimes in about how easy it is and how fast and simple their process was for learning it. It always takes me at least twice as long as my peers to get something if I get it at all, that's just always been how it is.

I know I will get to where I want to go but I am trying to be gentle with myself stopping for today cause I am getting more stressed than actually having fun learning. I am really hands on and do better actually having someone there guiding me even though I really don't want to hang out with anyone lol

Just venting! Almost tried to use my new rice cooker which I've also been intimidated by cause it has different functions for steaming and had to reason with myself that the time to try isn't when I'm all worked up and already frustrated with myself. I have such a self destructive habit of just digging myself deeper into any negative emotional hole I enter just to combust and I am working on pulling myself back when I'm worked up and just allowing myself to calm down without doing something about it.

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werdlewrites · 6 months

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masterlist - ao3 - twitter @ djomamma

share support through likes, comments, and reblogs! Or through my kofi!

summary: “We had a deal!” “I don’t make deals with fifteen-year-olds-” “I’m sixteen!” With a roll of his eyes, he departs from her - backing towards the still-opened doorway with his palms raised. “Sorry, your majesty. I don’t make deals with sixteen-year-olds.” She scoffs in reply, fists now tight around her hefty history book she wants to smash into the nearest flimsy board, for relief and maybe a little fun. “Un-fucking-believable.” warnings: nothin' but sass. physical violence? wc: 2,550

It’s Monday morning, or so she thinks. The shit-hole cabin holds a singular clock hoisted up on a dirtied wall, the plastic coated in fine dust to hide away the unmoving hands. They remain frozen in time at 6:25 AM when the sun should just be kissing the sky as it rises from a long slumber. Instead, it shines painfully bright through every opened window. Illuminating the unorganized mess she’s been living in for more than a day now. She asks Hopper if he could have chosen a more welcoming prison cell, and he tells her it belonged to his grandfather. The atmosphere shifts, and she’s suddenly commenting on the dilapidated decor, or lack thereof with a shimmering smile on her face. She’s kissing ass, and he’s laughing in agreement at just how run down it is. “I never bothered t’take care of it after he died. I just let it go. S’my fault.” The mirror to hold her reflection is stained by time. Rust creeping in like a virus around the edges, and blooming within the small cracks scattered across the surface. It’s not enough to hide unwashed hair and tired eyes, framing it all almost perfectly as she scrubs away dried spit from her teeth. It feels all too much like camping. Brushing her teeth with the aid of a water bottle, and pissing behind bushes without the proper use of a toilet. She’s never taken a vacation out into the wilderness but has a painful suspicion that this is what it was like. The closest she’d ever come to it would be when Steve elected to pitch a tent out in his large yard with the help of his mother, though still having access to anything they needed inside his home. If this was camping, it was miserable. Or maybe it was the bitterness of a night spent tossing and turning in the cold, November air.

Hopper had left sometime in the morning, waking her up long enough just to say he would be back soon before she surrendered to the ache in her bones. He was still gone, and it seemed the sun had risen high enough to signal it was now noon, or just after. Autumn is slow moving, muscles frigid and skin bruised from the abuse she had suffered, tumbling down the steps of her own home. It’s a hazy memory. But each touch to the discoloration brings her back to the moment she collides with the railing. With new light and a new day, she elects to finally sort through the mess Hopper had delivered in her laundry basket. She had only grazed the top once she spotted her toothbrush sticking out from the pile. She had only asked for the basics; bathroom supplies, a few clothes - at minimum a pair of underwear. She asks for her book bag and a goddamn actual pillow. But as she plucks and pulls, soil spills out from the fabric, and she takes a moment to process. It’s hard to even picture how it got there - difficult to stomach the idea of her sanctuary falling victim to the war of the unknown. The dirt falls to her temporary bed, easily swept away in a frantic motion to collect on the old floorboards. Autumn pulls various clothes from the basket, finally free to strip herself of a well-slept-in pajama set that she could no longer tolerate the smell of. She’s finally in warm clothes, sighing at the soft and clean fabric against her skin. She feels as if all is normal - if only for just a moment before her attention falls back on the pile. Her book bag is weighted, heavier than she remembers and it sits over a crumpled pillow. But as she moves it, a peculiar sound rattles within - not entirely expected. Inside, she finds school books - unfinished homework tucked away in folders, waiting to get a failing grade for incompletion. What rolls over their covers, however, are multiple rolled-up pairs of socks. Messy and balled up unnaturally - carrying secrets she only discovered once they were peeled apart.

Crystals and stones had been swiped from their places, and despite unknowing of their importance, they were rescued and brought to the girl in hopes tranquility would follow. Was Hopper only guessing? She can picture the man mumbling to himself as he piles the frail objects into his palm. Even the few jewelry pieces she wore for protection. Had this been her room she would have laid it all out perfectly, letting their energy fuel the small space. But this wasn’t home, and in this moment all she sees are fancy stones that go ignored in favor of school supplies. If she’s a prisoner in this place, she might as well find something to occupy her time. The room she stays in holds no natural light, forcing her out into the open where Hopper had slept for the night. He calls the too-short, rotten sofa his place of rest. Squished up in the dark where his flashlight shines down on an opened book, reading to himself and so focused he doesn’t notice the teen moving across the kitchen for a few crackers as a late-night snack. Now, the space is empty and she lays out her belongings on the creaking coffee table. As she sits, something beneath her crackles, and for a second she’s convinced the old sofa has finally surrendered, ready to collapse under the added weight. To her surprise, it doesn’t buckle, though the shift in thin blankets reveals a thin, opened book - something she was certain Hopper had been studying as she walked on by. She could ignore it. Rip it from its place, tossing it aside to avoid further damage. But black ink holds her focus - every neat curve and scratched-out sentence rings a bell of warning in her mind. It’s all too similar to someone she knows. Someone who signed permission slips, Birthday, and Holiday cards. And at the sound of Hopper’s engine, she realizes it’s been tucked beneath the sheets for a reason.

His entrance is hard to ignore. Heavy footsteps shake the boards and bags collide with the frame as he barges through, immediately locking eyes with the girl who stands far from the sofa - pretending to be busy with…nothing. She holds her book open, staring at the pages yet not truly absorbing the words they hold until he captures her attention. Bags are hoisted up onto still dusty countertops, contents piling high and nearly spilling over before he has the chance to pull them all out. “What is all of this?” One by one, it’s all revealed. Glass and floor cleaner - new rags that hadn’t been torn to shreds by moths. He even held a small canister of bleach, paired with gloves and a new bucket for the scum. “I have a broom in my car. And, most importantly,” he plucks two walkies from the bottom, offering one out to the girl. “A direct line of communication.” The teen gives an uncertain look, even skeptical as she looks it all over. “You ever hear about landlines? It’s all the rage,” The man lets out a sigh of annoyance, propped up by a strong hand over the counter, making her feel just a little smaller in the moment. “Landlines can be traced right t’you. Which, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed...you’re in hiding, right now.” Air fills her cheeks before blowing a raspberry, deflated by his tone. “Can’t take a joke, yeesh.” He continues to pull, leaving the space cluttered and a mess before tossing the bags to the side. Hopper seems ignorant to the possibilities of a secret uncovered, acting with purpose rather than tip-toeing around and examining the place where the mystery had been left. In their shared silence though, she looks. His scrawlings ran through her mind on a loop, senseless and full of wonder. “D’you see him?” “See who?” he questions without missing a beat - without even meeting her far-off stare as she’s swept away by the hurt in her chest. A wave warmed by summer's sun, boiling and burning up her insides. “My dad. D’you see him yet? Hear anything?” The question brings about a shift in the atmosphere, heavy, and filled with painful truths heard but unspoken. Autumn can see it all in his eyes, and the way his body stiffens.

She moves on, eager to ignore the suffocating feeling in her chest. “Thanks for the stuff. You didn’t have to gift wrap the stones, though,” she states with a small grin, finally closing up the book to rest just under her arm. “What stones?” “T-the gemstones in my socks? All rolled up?” It’s his turn to stare - empty eyes as his mind attempts to relive these last thirty-two hours. It’s scrambled up, a mess as he was forced into action and to take on this new role of guardian. You can see the memory light up deadened eyes as he hands the boy a list of her belongings, surrendering the chore entirely as he goes on his own path. “Steve got your stuff,” he mutters before ripping plastic away from new containers, adding to the garbage on the floor. It would have irked her if it weren’t for the sudden rush of shock to freeze each cell in her body. Autumn wonders if she had heard correctly - unable to process the idea of Steve rummaging through her dresser drawers for intimate materials. At least Hopper agreed to just scoop them all into a bag with his eyes closed. “That’s a joke, right?” When he doesn’t respond, she says a single prayer that the Earth would break open and consume her body and soul. A quick death with no afterlife for fear of repeating this same embarrassment. “We had a deal!” “I don’t make deals with fifteen-year-olds-” “I’m sixteen!” With a roll of his eyes, he departs from her - backing towards the still-opened doorway with his palms raised. “Sorry, your majesty. I don’t make deals with sixteen-year-olds.” She scoffs in reply, fists now tight around her hefty history book she wants to smash into the nearest flimsy board, for relief and maybe a little fun. “Un-fucking-believable.”

His heavy steps guide him out the door and into the wilderness. Fallen twigs and dried leaves crunch beneath his weight, allowing her to track just how far he wandered away from the cabin. The car door slams, and for a moment she wonders if he’s leaving again - until he returns with a beige box in hand, grease staining the sides. “You hungry?” There’s an immediate rumble that echoes in the small space, her body growing bored and tired of canned food and spray cheese on crackers. At their rate of bickering, she almost expects to find a mere two pieces remaining. But a nearly complete pizza proves her wrong. “Wow, the witness protection program is really stepping up its game.” The officer's stare is heavy beneath bushy brows, unamused and struggling to catch up on lost sleep for the sake of others - or even out of pure curiosity. A need to know keeping his brain wired at every minute of the day. He’s spent his morning talking business - driving all across town shopping and making plans in hopes of keeping the teen comfortable, though she doesn’t know it yet. Still, she apologizes and thanks him for the food. He could have left her for dead. He could have never cared enough to show back up at her home, waiting in the dark streets just to make sure she was okay before bursting through the front door. When his own walkie from work cuts through the silence, he’s almost grateful as he rips it from his waistband.

“What?” “Jim?” Another man's voice crackles on the other end, a heavy sigh following shortly after paired with the ramblings of another officer in the distance. “Where the hell have you been? We’ve been calling you - hell we even went to your place. No car, no nothin’.” Lips pursed and seek shelter beneath a thick mustache, the device pressed to them as he debates in a panic over what to say. He even spares a glance towards the girl, who offers no help as she tears into warm bread. “I-uh... I’ve been busy,” is his feeble excuse, sending the line into dead silence and pulling a look of disbelief from Autumn. A look that says, “That’s your best excuse?” and his shoulders immediately slouch. “Well, whatever you’re doin’, we’ve got somethin’ over at the station that requires your...expertise.” This is his reality check. Hiding out in the woods with a girl he rescued, and is now being summoned back to another world left behind in the chaos. Something forgotten as he struggled to grasp the concept of monsters and supernatural children. There’s a heavy sigh, unheard by Powell before asking about the situation. The officer watches as Autumn organizes the supplies he brought, crust hung from her teeth and pretending not to listen for confidential information. It’s a girl plucked straight out of school during lunchtime. Fists are bloody and adrenaline is long gone as she sits in waiting for her judgment. It’s someone they both know all too well; Heather Hunter. The sound of her name sparks something from the girl, looking to her protector with worried eyes, while he seems more irritated to be pulled back in with more important matters at hand. “I’m on my way,” he mutters before clipping the walkie back in place.

“Heather’s there?” Hopper spares her a glance, a dry chuckle passing his lips before moving further from her. “At least every other week. I told you, she’s bad news.” She remains unsatisfied with his response, turning back to the warm food. With a mouthful, she states, “Doesn’t seem so bad t’me.” She doesn’t notice the hard roll of his eyes, or how he snatches the hidden book from beneath the blanket before tucking it into his waistband, folded. “Don’t let anyone in while I’m gone. Keep everything locked and those windows covered.” “How long will you be gone for?” He doesn’t answer, which pulls her focus back in his direction to find him already trampling down the front steps. “Hopper!” She drops her second slice in the opened box, racing after him until she stands at the flimsy banister. “What the hell am I supposed t’do?” “I don’t know!” he calls back, clearly aggravated and uncertain of how to handle a teenager under the same roof as him. “Clean somethin’! Read a book, whatever! Just keep your ass inside!” The teen merely stares in awe and disbelief, mouth hung agape with hands resting over hips. He waits with one foot in the car, waving her off until she gives in to his demand, slamming the front door behind her. Autumn waits for the roar of his engine, and the sound of tires rolling over Earth before turning the focus back towards the sofa - now empty with the blanket tossed aside. She curses him, grumbling to herself as she parts the cushions in hopes it had just slipped through. Yet only dust collects at her fingertips.

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oletus-carousel · 7 months

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How do you feel about the concept of decay? Things falling apart at the seams. Some find it comforting in an odd way, to be freed, but others, it is terrifying and they try to preserve it. Any way they can.

The Exile had been allowed to return to her regular room in the Manor for the first time in an age - as opposed to being cooped up in the so-called "interview" room, to her relief - and was taking full advantage of the break in routine. She lay sprawled out on her bed even though the mattress dug into her back uncomfortably, lying on her back with a pocket watch dangling in front of her eyes.

This had been a gift from her father, despite being engraved with the Muse Mark that the Manor itself featured as a motif. Her eyes followed the watch as it swung, and she almost felt the panicked beating of her heart slow. It spiked, of course, and she jolted upright as a slip of paper was slid underneath the door. She called out, her tone indignant because she'd been startled.

Her ears remained painfully sensitive.

"What is it now, hm? Can't you wait for me to come out to send me your little letters? The paper's going to disintegrate as soon as I pick it up without an envelope."

Little peace was afforded to Carrie since she'd arrived at Oletus Manor, so she'd become even more adjusted to constant vigilance. That was the only trait that'd kept her alive over time, whether it was in the context of a thrillseeker's stunt in the circus or any other instinct to flee. The only reason why she wasn't running then was because there were some locks she couldn't pick.

Another slip of paper was slid under the door to her room, and she sighed. It took her a good few minutes to muster the strength to pick it up, but she instantly regretted taking it back to her desk and letting herself read what was written. The words, distinct and sharp in their curvature, may as well have been written in blood. But she had no choice about responding.

As she wrote, her right hand picked at an embroidered seam around her hip, where the prosthetic joined beneath her pants. Of course, this was only a tear in the fabric, but it made her stomach flip with the note's context. it almost felt like a warning.

"Decay? Why would you ask me about something like that? It's a natural process, of course, and nothing can be preserved forever. Things will rot and twist whether you want them to or not, I'm afraid, and I can't really do anything about it myself. I've a lot of things that I would like to keep in better condition, yes, but that's just not possible sometimes.

Everything will die one of these days. Be replaced and renewed. Human lives are more fragile than we all want to admit, but I won't get all that existential. Decay is just the beginning of that process. Falling apart is going to happen. I guess the emotional side of things is a lot more confusing, but I'd like to think I've made my peace with that, even if it's a lie.

I don't like it. I want to be whole. The feeling of losing myself is always so close, and decay follows. What if I can't pick up the pieces? I'm becoming sand between my own fingers, I fear."

#🎠 > idv exile #🎠 > exile answers #🎠 > oletus carousel

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valos-venus-doom · 1 year

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The Foreverlost -- Chapter 4

Linky to Wattpad Chapter List: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/334118555-the-foreverlost

It had been a particularly slow day at the shop and Kaiya was looking forward to going home and going to bed. She had worked another ten hour shift which was great for her bank account but terrible on her feet. It was fifteen minutes from closing time and she secretly hoped that no other customers would drop in. Just as the thought crossed her mind, the bell over the door rang.

Kaiya huffed a sigh, “Of course…” she muttered. When she looked up to greet the late-night customer she saw it was Ville. “Oh, hey. Your dad’s not here, he took off early.”

“Quite alright, I came to see you anyway.” Ville smiled and leaned against the counter. Jesse warned him that Kaiya would say no, which knowing that rejection was coming before the question even came was somewhat comforting. He’d know to play it off cool and Jesse told him to “trust the process” so that’s what he wanted to do.

“Me? Why’s that?” Kaiya asked, arms crossed with suspicion painted across her face.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go have a drink after you get off.” Ville asked and promptly bit the inside of his lip to brace himself for her answer.

Kaiya’s eyebrows furrowed. “Like a date?”

“It wouldn’t not be a date…” Ville shrugged.

Kaiya exhaled deeply, this was the first time she was ever officially ‘asked out’ for a date. Deep down, she didn’t know how she felt about it, it made her stomach churn thinking about Nikko. But this was also her best friend’s brother.

“Um, sorry, I don’t know about that.” Kaiya responded awkwardly, “Just um.. Um, you’re Jesse’s brother.”

“Oh, do you think he’d mind?” Ville questioned.

“Um, probably yeah.” Kaiya lied.

“Oh.” Ville responded ‘Ouch’ he thought inwardly. Rejection never felt great, even if it was expected. “Well, how about not as a date? Just as a ‘get to know my brother’s best friend’ type thing.”

“Maybe another time. It's been, um, a really long day.” Kaiya responded just as the bell above the door rang again. Looking up she found Jesse walking toward the counter, here to pick Kaiya up after she closed down the shop. Relief rushed over her body.

“Hey, Kai. Ville.” he acknowledged the pair.

“Hey, Jesse. Give me a bit to close up, I still got a lot to do in the back.” Kaiya responded, breathing a sigh of relief that she was saved from a painfully awkward situation.

“Alright, I’m gonna go have a smoke. Ville, come with?” Jesse asked his brother.

Ville nodded curtly and followed Jesse outside. They stood with their backs against the store window as Jesse smoked in silence for a few moments. “You look upset. You asked her out, right?”

Ville nodded. “Yeah, and even though I knew it was coming, the rejection still hurt.”

“Don’t worry, bud, I told you I got you.” Jesse assured him.

Ville bit his lip, “You know what? On second thought, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Jesse looked towards his brother, “What do you mean?”

Ville shrugged, “Honestly, she doesn’t seem interested. I don’t want a forced date, I’d rather spend my time on someone who actually has interest in me. A one sided date feels like a gentle kidnapping.”

Jesse put out his cigarette, “Look, this isn’t just for you. It’s for me. And it’s for Kaiya. She isn’t interested because her life has been so catastrophically terrible that she feels like everything is a setup. She is like you, full of self-deprecation and hatred. So, honestly, you’re perfect for each other. But I know she could be happy, I want her to be happy. She needs to heal, like I told you the other night, and sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone sucks big donkey balls… I’m going to make her deep throat the big donkey balls because I love her and want what’s best for her. So as much as I’m not going to give Kaiya a choice, you don’t have a choice either.”

Ville laughed, “You’ve convinced me, but how are you going to convince her?”

Jesse smirked, “Don’t worry about it. Trust the process.”

Ville smiled and sighed, “Okay fine. I’ve got time on my hands, so why not.”

“Atta boy.” Jesse replied.

Later that night, Jesse and Kaiya were sitting on opposite ends of their living room couch. Jesse was engrossed in some late-night talk show, Kaiya was quietly pushing leftover Chinese food around on her plate with a fork, inspecting each morsel.

“So…” Jesse began, breaking the awkward silence. “Ville asked you out today?”

Kaiya’s fork stopped moving. “What? Did he talk to you?”

“Why would you think I would have a problem with you dating my brother? When did I ever give you that indication?” Jesse asked her seriously, calling her out on her lie.

“I just thought… Um… It’s not like I don’t think he’s cool or anything but, um…”

“Kaiya, enough. You’re ‘umming’ again and I know you’re trying to figure a way to talk yourself out of this but I’m not buying it. You and I both know why you said no to him.”

“Jesse…” Kaiya whined.

“What, Kaiya? Are you planning on staying single forever? Do you really think he would want that for you?”

“No, but.. I don’t--” Kaiya stumbled over her words.

“Kaiya, if Nikko loved you as much as you said he did, don’t you think he’d want you to move on? Imagine if he didn’t die and he was still locked up, do you really even think he would have wanted you to wait?” Kaiya just stared at him, she knew he was right. “I’ll take that as a ‘no.’ You deserve someone to treat you right and make you happy.”

“I can take care of myself.” Kaiya snapped.

“I know you can, but you need to let the walls down a little. You put your walls down for me…”

“That’s different.” Kaiya stubbornly interjected.

“Is it?” Jesse blurted out. Kaiya stayed silent for a moment.

“Did Ville put you up to this?” Kaiya asked, her tone ripe with agitation.

“Stop avoiding my question.” Jesse said flatly, the two stared each other down for a few seconds before Jesse sighed heavily, “Look, I’m just asking you to humor me. Go out on one date with him, just try it out. Or… or I’ll tell my parents what you’ve really been up to the last couple of decades.”

Kaiya’s eyes widened, and when Jesse’s mouth didn’t form it’s infamous jokester grin she knew he was serious. “You’re blackmailing me? Seriously?”

“I am.” he responded confidently.

She rolled her eyes with irritation, “Fine.” She ripped her phone off the coffee table. “What’s your brother’s stupid number?”

Jesse grinned in triumph as she glowered at him.

On the other side of town, Ville sat strumming his guitar, alone in his living room. He found solace in the vibrations of the 6 strings, they helped him make sense of his thoughts and feelings. Ville hummed a simple tune as he tried to put it with the chords, wondering if he’d come up with anything of substance.

He sighed heavily with Kaiya still on his mind. She was quick-witted and funny, that intrigued him because that meant she was smart, and he wanted to talk to her and really pick her brain. He was used to dating beautiful women, but a major disconnect in a lot of those relationships was a lack of depth. Sure, they bonded over music, but that was as far as it got. Kaiya seemed different than the rest of them and he realized that if he wanted a successful relationship, and he did, he’d have to step out of his own comfort zone. He was getting older, the window of having a happily ever after, and perhaps even a family, was closing faster by the year.

Just as he started strumming a steady melody his phone lit up and buzzed. A text from someone he didn’t have in his contact list.

“Hey, it’s Kaiya. Sorry about earlier, you kind of caught me off guard. Is that drink offer still available?”

Ville smiled, “Trust the process indeed…” he muttered to himself. “Absolutely. I’ll pick you up tomorrow night after you get off.” he texted back before saving her number.

THE NEXT DAY

After a long day, Kaiya was ready to close down and get ready for her date, despite feeling like she just wanted to go home and go to bed. Kari had headed home for the day, an opportunity afforded to him more now that Kaiya was working for him, and that left Kaiya to shutting the place down by herself, which she had trained herself to get done in record time. The cash was counted and secured in the safe; ready for Kari to take to the bank in the morning, the floor vacuumed, the counters wiped down, stock was straightened, and she had a moment to get changed out of her jeans and Aikuisten Lelukauppa t-shirt into a more date appropriate outfit. She kept it casual, however, she wasn’t trying to impress Ville, she just needed to make it look like she had put in a tiny bit of effort. She didn’t want to be rude or dismissive towards him, he was apart of her adopted family, and he was a nice enough guy, she was just so out of her element that it was just easier to be aloof.

Kaiya chose a sleeveless, black v-neck blouse and a pair of olive green skinny-fit slacks paired with a pair of black flats. Thank god for Anita, Kaiya thought. Her adoptive mother had taken it upon herself to fill Kaiya’s closet with a new wardrobe after Jesse had hinted that Kaiya had to leave her belongings behind in Russia. Kaiya hated how short her hair was, even though it had grown down to her shoulders. She opted to throw it up in a black claw clip as she did most days. With a minute to spare, she touched up her eyeliner and put on some taupe lipstick to finish the fit.

Moments later, she heard a gentle rap on the shop door, it was Ville. Kaiya glanced at the clock. 8 o’clock on the dot. “Jesus… has he never heard of fashionably late?” she muttered to herself.

Quickly, she turned off the shop lights before opening and relocking the door behind her with her key. “You look stunning.” Ville smiled, making Kaiya blush and her ears burned with embarrassment.

It was the first time she had gotten dressed up in several years but she had never felt more naked.

“Oh, thanks.” she smiled awkwardly. “You look, well, like you. Which, I mean come on, you’re Ville Valo. There’s nothing I can tell you that you haven’t had screamed in your face by fans, right?” Kaiya tripped over her words which Ville found adorable.

Kaiya wasn’t in heels and the flats she was wearing reminded Ville just how small she was. At 6ft 1, Ville towered over her. Kaiya was 5 foot but just barely, she had to look all the way up to look him in the eye. “Anyway!” Kaiya broke the awkward silence, “Where are we off to? I was promised a drink.” she smiled.

Ville brought her to some unremarkable bar with patio seating as it was quite nice out. It was a weekday night, so not terribly crowded at all. The pair sat themselves and a waiter brought them over waters and took their drink order, Kaiya ordering a mojito and Ville ordering a coke, taking Kaiya by surprise. “When you asked me out for a drink I assumed you’d be drinking too.” she teased.

Ville smiled, “Well, truthfully, I’m not much of a drinker these days. I’ll drink a wine or beer, occasionally but…” he shrugged, indicating tonight was not one of those occasions.

“Ah, yeah, I gotcha.” Kaiya nodded.

There was a way that Ville looked at Kaiya that put her guard down. Kaiya’s initial reluctance to go out with him on a date had fizzled away and now she was comfortable and relaxed. She felt safe with him. Kaiya wasn’t thinking about Nikko, she wasn’t thinking about the past. Instead, she was very much in the present, which was all new to her.

His eyes, his smile, the way he talked using his hands… there was no denying that he charmed her. Two hours had passed and neither of them even took notice. They were wrapped up in a back-and-forth conversation about their favorite things.

“What’s your favorite meal?” Ville asked her.

“Swedish meatballs.” Kaiya responded.

Ville laughed, “Are you kidding me? I could have just taken you to IKEA and you’d be happy?”

“Yup!” Kaiya laughed, “How about you?”

“Roasted reindeer with mashed potatoes and cranberries.”

“Like your mom makes?” she questioned.

“The very same.” Ville smiled.

“What’s your favorite movie?” Kaiya asked.

“I don’t have one.” Kaiya shot him a look of disbelief, “Honest!” Ville laughed, hands up in defense. “Well what about you? What’s your favorite movie?” he countered.

“Any of the Friday the 13th movies.” Kaiya answered.

“Ah, yeah, those are great..” Ville nodded.

“What’s your favorite color?” Kaiya asks, fiddling with the straw in her hand, “And you can’t say black.” She added quickly.

Ville raised his eyebrows “Ah… well that makes it harder then.”

“And you can’t say blue, either.”

“What? Why?” Ville asked, smiling.

“Because every guy says blue.” Kaiya smiled back. “It’s a cop-out.”

“Okay…” Ville bit his lip as he thought. “Um, cerulean, I think.” Ville nodded.

“Cerulean?” Kaiya furrowed her brow. “What the fuck? What even is that?”

Ville smiled sheepishly. “The color of your eyes. They’re brilliant.”

Kaiya looked at the ground, smiling as her cheeks flushed red. “I said you couldn’t use blue.” she smirked at him and stuck her tongue out playfully.

“Fine. Then it’s scarlet, like your cheeks right now…” Ville stroked her cheek with the side of his finger affectionately before placing it on her hand atop the table.. Truthfully, Ville worried that he’d spook her with this action, but to both Ville and Kaiya’s surprise, it didn’t. Ville couldn’t help himself, the connection he felt was magnetic.

Kaiya could feel her heart thumping behind her ribs, she felt the connection too…. But she was not quite sure how she felt about Ville touching her so she recoiled her hand. Kaiya cleared her throat and quickly changed the subject, “Um, I think we should probably get going. It looks like they’re starting to close.” she motioned to the staff inside the restaurant wiping down tables.

Ville looked at the time on his phone, it was 10:30. “Oh shit. Time flies..” He commented with a half-smile, feeling awkward. He bit the inside of his lip hard, maybe Kaiya didn’t appreciate his advance. Fuck fuck fuck… he mentally kicked himself. “Do you want to hang out here some more or should we just call it a night?” Ville asked, hand on the back of his neck, still feeling awkward. He was convinced she wanted to leave and end the date right there.

Unfortunately for Ville, he wore his emotions on his sleeve and Kaiya could read him like a book. But on the other hand, fortunately for Ville, Kaiya wasn’t ready for the night to end. She smiled at him, “Come with me.”

Kaiya lead Ville around the block to the back alley of the bar, significantly raising Ville’s suspicions.

“Ville?” she asked, looking up at the fire escape that scaled three stories to the top of the building.

“Yeah?” he answered hesitantly.

“How opposed are you to breaking the law?”

“Which law?” Ville raised an eyebrow.

“Well, two, actually.” She smiked. “Trespassing and possession.” Kaiya said as she pulled a rolled joint out of her purse.

“Why not? Let’s go for it.” He answered, “Lead the way.”

Kaiya led Ville up the 3-story fire escape onto the roof of the building. But she didn’t stop there. On the roof was a long, wide pole that held a gigantic billboard advertising the newest Galaxy phone and she took to the ladder to get to the billboard’s ledge. On her third step up the ladder she noticed Ville looking a little nervous on the ground beneath her, “Not scared are you?” she smirked.

“I’m not a fan of heights. And an illuminated billboard isn’t exactly inconspicuous.” He responded reluctantly but took to the ladder after her regardless.

Once at the top, Kaiya and Ville sat on the edge, feet dangling over the side. A bar at their chests kept them safe from falling. Ville could feel his heart racing as he attempted to keep it cool in front of Kaiya who seemed calm and serene. Heights clearly were not her Kryptonite.

From the billboard they could see everything. The water from the Gulf of Finland reflected the light from the moon beautifully and the Helsinki skyline was bright against the black night sky. Though it frightened him a bit, Ville couldn’t help but consider this maybe the most romantic thing he’d ever done with a woman. Kaiya lit the joint and took a hit and passed it to Ville.

Kaiya sighed happily as a pleasant breeze blew past them. “I could stay up here for hours.”

“No kidding.” Ville replied nervously as he took a hit from the joint. He was no stranger to weed, he just hadn’t smoked it in a while. He felt relaxed instantly after taking his first hit and passed it back to Kaiya.

“See that dock down there?” Kaiya pointed towards a marina where many boats sat tethered.

“Yeah?”

“I used to go there all the time when I was a kid to sit and think. If I had a really bad day I could just go there and decompress – get away from it all. There’s something about being by the water that really calms me down and helps me think.” She paused to take a hit and smiled a sad, nostalgic smile, “I used to always dream of getting on a boat and never coming back.”

Kaiya handed the joint back to Ville. He took it gently, but his eyes stayed on her. He could see the sadness in her eyes. It broke his heart; how could someone so seemingly happy and carefree have such an inner sadness? “The stars are gorgeous tonight.” He commented passing it back to Kaiya. His attempt to make the mood light and fun again.

Kaiya nodded, happy to change the subject too, “Yup. But imagine the night sky with none of this light pollution from the city. If you go to the Alps they’re breathtaking.” She paused a moment to take a hit. “There’s Orion’s Belt. And the Big Dipper.” She pointed to the sky. “And over there is Venus… And there’s Jupiter.” She paused once more. Ville tried his best to see what she was seeing but he wasn’t able to make out the constellations, he could however, see when Kaiya pointed out the planets to him. “What’s your sign?” she asked him, holding the joint out to him.

“Scorpio.” He answered as he took it from her.

Kaiya looked at him and smiled, “No kidding? Me too.”

Ville smiled back, “Oh yeah? Well that’s probably why we get along so well.” He nudged her with his elbow playfully. “When’s your birthday?”

She took the joint back from Ville, took the final hit and tossed it over the edge. “November twenty-second.”

“You’re joking! That’s mine too.” Ville replied with surprise.

“Seriously?” Kaiya smiled. “That’s pretty cool.”

“At least we’ll never forget each other’s birthdays.” Ville stated, placing his hand on her knee, and to his shock she grabbed his hand and held it, causing his heart to beat faster as butterflies filled his stomach.

“That’s true.” Kaiya nodded in agreement.

A few hours later, Ville and Kaiya were back in front of her and Jesse’s apartment door. They’d stayed on the billboard until midnight, talking and getting to know each other better. Instead of taking a cab back to her place, they opted to walk and to Ville's joy, it was hand-in-hand. It was a beautiful night, both weather-wise and due to the nice time they were having together. Neither said it, but they were not in a hurry for the night to end.

Even though it was a date she was initially reluctant to go on, she couldn’t deny that she had a great time with Ville. It was also undeniable that she felt a connection with Ville – a strong one. And quite frankly, it unnerved her. She began feeling guilty and soon she found herself being quiet and distant around Ville again. On their way home Ville reached out to hold her hand and she allowed it for a moment, but the guilt she felt for betraying Nikko was overwhelming and she let go to pretend to check her phone.

“Well, this is me.” Kaiya spoke up tiredly. “Thank you, Ville. It was nice to go out for a bit.”

“Likewise, I had a wonderful time.” Ville leaned in to hug her, which was kindly reciprocated by Kaiya. The embrace lingered, Ville loved the way she felt in his arms, it felt so right. Kaiya once again felt the overwhelming connection as her heart banged in her chest, but soon the guilt overtook her and she pulled away. Ville looked in her eyes moment before leaning in to kiss her and before he had a chance to Kaiya turned her head, his lips fell upon her cheek.

Kaiya smiled and pretended it didn’t happen, “Okay, well, I’ll see you around. Goodnight.” She turned and opened the apartment door, leaving Ville standing in the hallway extremely confused.

On the other side of the door, Kaiya leaned her back up against the door cringing. She felt a conflicting whirlwind of emotions and it made her stomach churn. There were sparks when they touched, that she couldn’t argue, but the guilt, fear, sadness, and uncertainty she felt paralyzed her.

“How’d it go?” Kaiya opened her eyes and saw Jesse sitting on the couch with a beer. When she came through the door awkwardly and cringing outwardly, she failed to realize she wasn’t alone in the apartment.

Kaiya sighed, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jesse laughed. “It’s late, it obviously went well if you stayed out this long.”

“Things were going great. We had a really, really great night. And then…” she closed her eyes again and sighed. “And then I started getting into my own head and it just all fell to shit.”

“You’re just not used to being in the dating scene. Go out with him again and see how it goes.” Jesse suggested.

“Jesse, I just don’t think I’m ready for this.” Kaiya shook her head sadly. “It’s just too much.”

“Come on, Kaiya… I’ll tell my parents on you.” He joked, just trying to lighten her mood.

However, Kaiya wasn’t in the mood for his antics and was getting close to having an anxiety attack, “Jesse, enough! It’s not funny. Seriously, you cannot hold that over my head the rest of my life. I know I went to prison, but that was literally a fucking nightmare for me that I desperately want to keep between you and I. It’s not funny and if you ever tell your parents I will never fucking forgive you.”

The smile dropped from Jesse’s face and he stood up from the couch, “Hey, hey… Kai, I’m really sorry.” He walked over to her and took her in his arms. “I’m sorry, I really am. I’m on Team Kaiya, I want whatever is best for you. I was joking, I would never tell anyone. I would never betray you like that.”

#vv #ville valo

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teaandcartography · 1 month

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March 20th, 2024 - Therapy? Why?

I've had my fair share of experience in therapy. Good and bad.

The bad experiences were at the beginning of my search, when a therapist, though his intentions were good, tried to "heal" me through hypnosis.

I certainly didn't believe in hypnosis being an effective way of helping someone process their childhood trauma, but others might do. I remember my 15-year-young self thinking it was all bullshit and I just stopped going to those appointments. Thank God I didn't have to pay for said appointments.

My parents have expressed before that therapy is a waste of money. "All therapy is good for is the fact that you pay the therapist to tell you what to do," is what they said to 19-year-old me who had already given up on trying to seek comfort from her parents. So the next best thing was to seek help outside of school and family.

I mean, sure, you pay for a good therapist to tell you how to approach your life. Because clearly, something isn't working and you need help figuring out what does work.

The therapists I've seen in the last 7 years actually managed to give me new ways to process my negative feelings.

I haven't had $u!c!dal tendencies since my teenage years, and the advice that my therapists have given me definitely helped me prevent having said tendencies again.

The same with s3lf-mut!lat!on. I may only have been clean from SH again since four days ago, but at least I am not giving myself new scars that I have to look at for the rest of my life.

Therapy itself won't heal you. At least, I don't believe so. It's in the advice that therapists give you, that you find ways to love life again.

It's a painfully slow process and even I have had thoughts like:

"I should be over this by now."

"I'm too old to feel this way."

"I'm too young to feel this way."

"There are people who have it way worse."

"Others can deal with this just fine, why can't I?"

and those thoughts are self-destructive as hell too.

Some of us just need more time to heal or to pick ourselves back up. Just because it takes us a little longer, doesn't mean it's not happening, and we need to give ourselves more credit for that.

But realizing that is not as easy as one might believe. People with no $u!c!dal tendencies/thoughts, or people who have not experienced depression for longer than a season, might not realize that believing that we're doing well is extremely difficult.

We need that external push. And sometimes, that encouragement from a friend or family member just isn't enough. That's where therapy can be very useful.

But I also understand that therapy isn't accessible to everyone. It should be, but it's not. Everyone deserves to be able to walk into a therapy clinic and just say: "I need help. I don't feel good and I'm afraid I'll do something I can never undo," without having to worry about putting themselves in severe financial debt.

Unfortunately, that's not the world we live in right now. So here's me, your digital sister, to make you aware that you are not alone, and that there are ways for you to try and heal without the help of a professional.

I'm not a professional, far from it. And I'm sure you've already tried numerous things to try and make yourself feel better. It gets annoying to have people tell you over and over again to:

make a daily schedule, get into a pattern of living

make new friends

take a walk

write it down

take a shower

make yourself some tea

Even I found myself rolling my eyes when someone lists off these things. Like, yeah, I get it, those things might work for you, but they don't for me.

But I think we underestimate how having a daily pattern/ritual actually works. It's about training your brain to go: "Oh, we're taking a shower. Time to let everything go and relax. Tomorrow is another day we can try."

Yes, it's easier said than done. But repetition works wonders. The same way you teach a dog how to sit, you can train yourself that by doing something specific, you can let things go.

I'm still working on this myself. Right when I come back from work I change my clothes, or take a shower, eat food, and then sit down to do what I want to do. Me-time is extremely important, to have fun is extremely important.

The point I'm trying to make is that you can heal and work on feeling better about yourself. If you can't get help from your GP or a therapist, doing research about self-help and mindfulness is the next best thing.

But in order for any of that to work, you have to start believing that you can get through whatever you're going through.

If you're someone who's already saying: "This won't work for me anyway so I'm not even going to try," then all I can say to you is...

don't you dare take others down with you because you can't be arsed to help yourself.

#☆•° a diary of some sorts °•☆#Mental Health #Therapy #Mental Illness #Mental Health Support #Thoughts #Feelings #Psychology #Effort

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