#even tho it's painful rn

[twinstxrs]

“kristen applebees religion struggle overdone at this point” TO YOU! i personally am thinking about how helio, yes?, & cassandra relate to where kristen is at mentally in her journey of learning to live for herself & not for god and how helio is representative of kristen’s family, yes? is representative of tracker, & cassandra is representative of kristen herself, which is why kristen is shunning her.

#trackerbees is so over by the way #kristen applebees #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #cassandra looking like younger kristen showing how kristen is kinda emotionally stuck there rn even as she tries to grow #tracker being the one to give kristen the idea to change yes! to yes? and how tracker is kinda kristen’s god replacement figure post-helio #(read: tracker is what kristen was devoted to) #and obviously her family & childhood being represented by helio. her abrupt extreme cut off of them but missing the comfort & love there #also fun to think about how kristen createsvher own god & a few months later partially abandons it for her girlfriend’s idea of yes? #there’s something there idk. like it was kristen’s god who kristen made & it was cringe but it was hers #& she threw it away because she got sick of its optimism… idk i’m in pain & i’m just saying shit #also ​this might be too niche but that tiktok labyrinth by taylor swift / the archer by taylor swift / not strong enough by boygenius sound #is unfortunately so kristen in junior year / sophomore year / freshman year. #& when i say that i mean it’s her with cassandra / yes? / helio. #the fun part of all this is i could be totally wrong & disproven next week but if i’m RIGHT? holy shit! (not likely tho)

[allerod]

house md drinking game:

take a shot every time wilson appears somewhere where he has no business being

admit yourself to the hospital with alcohol poisoning

#watching ep 4 and screamed out loud 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE' at the moment when they're defibrillating a baby #and he's just standing there fully dressed in protective gear. even tho he was not wearing it like a minute ago #my dude. don't you have your own job to do. i prommy this children dont have cancer #does he just like to see people die or #house md #also hhh the flatlining sound? ow ow my aching head. i am purposefully cultivating the pain rn of course but still. ow.

[ineed-to-sleep]

ENDING SPOILERS FOR BG3 AHEAD

Hate that I found this scene kinda hot

#listen. evil nawen is absolutely a possibility #even tho it isn't my canon ok she's my dear little antihero and saved everyone <3 #but the way I made her she's like. in a pretty unpredictable mental state #she's come from a background of doing terrible shit as a shadow thief often against her will #and now bc of the tadpole she has time to breathe and decide what to do w her life for #reasons I won't go into rn bc it's a long story jfjfjkfkf #but basically she's in this dilemma of let yourself become The Worst(and go back to your organization post game) #or learn to be a better person again(and turn your back on the thieves even tho you will likely be hunted to death) #so she could really go either way depending on how the game goes and controlling the brain could rlly be a possibility for her #honestly even if she decided to turn her back on the thieves it could be a possibility #the power she'd have?? she'd never have to worry abt being hunted by them #but good path nawen would never 😔 she wouldn't sacrifice everything she's built #it's kinda sad to see her on her good path choosing this tho bc like. astarion's reaction?? #man looks so betrayed #in her evil path she would likely have ascended him and their relationship would already be too fucked up for her to care #but in this one?? that's just painful #sleep.txt #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #oc.nawen #but. even w all that. I am not above finding evil women hot 🫠 #goth mommy go evil brain go brrr ooga booga

[shoezuki]

the essay i got due tomorrow n barely done is like. its good i like it im excited to write it and im so upset that i have no time and am sick like.

its in my fairy tales n folklore class n im writing on the subject of taboo topics in perrault's 'donkeyskin' and specifically the symbolism/metaphors of the donkey hide she wears n how it symbolizes her trauma haunting her long after she escapes her fathers attempts to marry her n like. i like the story a lot n how its kinda fucked up but perrault really watered down the father-daughter incest topic n tried to make it more 'safe' and less taboo. but he fucking failed and i wanna argue bout it so bad. but my head hurt

#ask to tag #incest mention #her wearing the skinned prized donkey her father owned even after she escaped him #and how filthy and disgusting it was and how she never took it off #until finally she sees herself for the first time and sees how ppl see her..... #its her wearing her trauma ok its . the symbolism #how innate it was to her like how the skin just became her. she never saw herself. but the shame and pain of it is present and EUGH #its a good tale. i need to read other variants cuz perrault really like. forgot bout the king halfway through #id write bout other ones but i have no time lshglshg #but anyways its about patriachal power and how she suffered under 'polite' society that dictated her father controls her #even when that control is. fucked up and disgusting. #EUGH #i did read the grimms version tho n tbh that one was very similar #only major difference i recall rn is that the king's advisors were like 'what the fuck oh god dont marry your own fucking daughter' #but in perrault's version the only one who helps her and sees how wrong this is is her fairy godmother #but even then. she barely does shit. her attempts to 'politely' turn down the king fail #god. god.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

washing some of my crocheted stuff for the first time and im Incredibly Nervous about it. what if they come undone. what if i lose my beloved soup coaster...

#id make a new one but it wouldnt be The Same #and i dont exactly have the uh #wrappers? LABELS! #the labels to see if theyre machine washable. i think they are? #i hope i didnt just fuck up the colors of that whole load! #well even if i did im sure i can find a way to make it work #but still im more worried that my coasters will unravel #i wove in the ends verrryyyyy securely but the Fear is still there #i dread the day i wash my arm sleeve things #they took so long to make.... many hours and much hand/wrist pain #worth it tho! gonna go to michaels soon to find softer yarn & make a new pair #i hope they have some good pinks! #absolutely unprompted #hyperaware of the sound of the washing machine rn #im imagining that the coasters are having a good time in there but like. if it kills them... #at least theyd die having fun #and id have extra long scrap yarn to work with #it would join its friends in the Lemon Bag

[silenthillbunni]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[jackdawandicarus]

I hate that I’m so self-destructive. I wish I could just let the paranoid thoughts stay as thoughts and not destroy my relationships constantly seeking out affirmations. I wish I didn’t take every little thing as some sort of conspiracy against me. I wish I didn’t constantly think people were going to abandon me. I wish my actions because of these thoughts didn’t cause me to lose my friends.

I wish I wasn’t such a self-fulfilling prophecy.

#bpd #paranoid #paranoia #I rlly need therapy #and a bpd diagnosis because I’m like 99% sure I have it #bpd vent #cw vent #friend breakup #paranoid behaviour #I’ve so shitty I wish I wasn’t such a messed up person #I get why they’ve kicked me out of the friend group but Hof I’m in pain rn #I have six weeks before I see them again tho #and even then I probably won’t have lessons with them #I had a crush on one of them too so #personal vent #vent #undiagnosed bpd #bpd shit #bpd problems

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

you are so so loved by God and by all of us here on tumblr and I am sending you so much love tonight. please stay. things will get better I promise. <3

.

#anon i am so sorry that my first reaction was legitimately 'damn it' because i want to die so bad right now. have all day #all evening #am drinking a hot drink and gonna maybe listen to music in a bit once i hopefully stop feeling so overwhelmed by TEXTURES #does it count as self harm that i scratched the back of my hand until it bled earlier? #i couldn't stop thinking about the knives #even now i wish my sis would leave the room a mo i NEED to know where the knives are #I NEED THEM #tw sh #tw suicide #i swear if i had one rn id be in a bad way #fool that i am tho i cut my palm and it hurts like mad when i do things #but i. i. TEXTURES #I NEED THEM GONE I NEED TO STOP FEELING MY SKIN OR I NEED PAIN TO COVER IT UP #I NEED IT TO STOP #personal #but thanks anon. truly <3

[mastersoftheair]

from appletv's instagram story

#heh. they don't even know about callum turner's secret instagram account #(in complete fairness tho it's private and it's pretty funny slash weird that i even know the damn thing exists) #also- obsessed with how they're highlighting all these 6 main guys like they're the Hottest shit #while knowing Damn Well nate mann doesn't have Any social media!! #all the behind the scenes pics and videos i combed through and Anything rosie rosenthal has literally been within the last few months! #oh how i Struggled! the Pain!! #also follow them or not. do what you want. all i can say is that in My experience- #austin butler posts less than nothing about MotA. ig his account is 'too professional' (all of 5 posts rn) but Give It A Rest my guy! #the most i've ever seen of MotA barry has been Exclusively through cary fukunaga's videos from 2021. zilch since then so idk #anthony is a very light Sometimes. like it Might happen. if anything he leaves a Bunch of funny comments on the posts of other guys lol #now Mr. Rafferty Law?? undying respect. go forth and follow him. he's posted So Much MotA shit for Years- esp in stories. so real for that! #masters of the air #hbo war

[truethes]

every time i think sv's imagery cannot get better, that the surprises will not catch me off guard they release another chapter and i am stunned into silence once more.

#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜. #me tryin to ignore the amount of pain all my muses are feeling rn: WOAHHHH LOOK AT THE PANELS #ggenuinely tho the fact that this looks to be a fight of ku.ro and mah.iru versus all the djinn / the physical manifestation of their power #but also a contract .... im so very #( you will hear me cry if you listen hard enough ) #sv always gets m back very month im so sorry everyone #here was just too much thats too good in this chapter-- #the chara dev for both law.less and ildi.o whos priority became protecting those they care about #( even if lawl.ess was 90% bc lich.t would have jumped RIGHT into that ) #will never not make my day. they listened to their eves im so .... #( rots in my chair as i read untranslated images like a boss ) #cannot wait for the translations to b released tbqh #spoilers / #large image / #im hoping im finally recovering from this cold ... (its only been 3 days ) #but i feel so much better rn #so will be doing things from now on!

[damiemontclair]

Is it ridiculous to think maybe this whole hospital thing and related business has mildly traumatised me? Is it ridiculous that I want to write about it in excruciating detail, just get the experience out on paper, on my blog, somewhere? It feels dumb but I want to write fic about it. I think it'd fix me.

#Still haven't really properly cried tho I am kinda tearing up as I write this #I'm not having a good mental health time rn ngl #The callous way some of the docs treated me; the way their sole focus was on reproduction without a single care for the hormones... #The generally terrible way I deal with surgery/post-surgery #It wasn't. As bad? The last few times? #I think I've also made myself forget a lot from the first 2 times #3rd time was more traumatising. #This last one tho... I never stayed for more than a night at the hospital. I never want to stay at a hospital ever again. #I never want to have surgery again #I swear if I have to do that again I will have my panic attack before they even put me under #It was so painful this time and people weren't listening to me at all when I told them the iv wasn't sitting right anymore #Nurses and doctors kept dismissing my opinions and wishes and needs.... #It was like as a patient you're less than human. #My arm is still bruised from where they fucked up their blood draws... #I'm so tired but I can't seem to rest #I'm so full of emotions but I can't seem to let them go and *cry* #Its like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop #Pls ignore me amd my rambles I'm just. Not doing too hot rn. #damie talks

[alienaiver]

please you're hanging out at allen's place having a sleep-over but he's too cheap to turn on the heat so you insist on cuddling under his covers and he is so stiff, so nervous and the man is blushing down to his ass. when you sneak a hand under his shirt to tease him and let him feel their astoundingly cold temperature you expect him to screech and reprimand you but instead he stiffens impossibly further, making you pull away to check if he's okay and if you've crossed a line. he smiles awkwardly and tries to mirror you with hands on you. you furrow your brows and asks again if he's okay. "i promise! its just..." he trails off, pointedly looking away from you. "just what?" you ask, afraid you actually might've hurt your crush and friend. he chuckles before he faces you head-on, "i'm not used to physical contact.. but it's nice, being this close with you."

you know that admittance hasnt come freely or easily so you spare him the embarassment by simply smiling and repositioning your hands on his waist with a reassuring squeeze, "then relax, i like being close to you too, you know."

he's no less stiffer than he was before because now you've cuddled up with your face hidden in his neck. he can feel your soft breath directly on his skin and he mentally apologizes for the way he's judged bak for getting hives. he thinks he might get them soon, too.

#allen: YA THINK IM MADE OF CASH DO YA? i aint paying when i can just put on an extra SHIRT 😤 #him five minutes later catching you in his cardigan: 😳😳😳😳😳😳 #im on a sleeping pill due to my chronic pain so this might make no sense. if it doesnt yes it does pretend so <3 #im kissing him in my mind rn #nohr.headcanons #nohr.dgm #allen walker x reader #dgm x reader #YES im putting these in the tags even tho its BLURPS. theyre empty save three of us im just providing a meal. an appetizer from the size

[lunarharp]

various witch stuff of the day or whatever the heck

#witch hat tag #orufrey #uhh yeah just getting some stuff out of the way haha i like the first one tho. i drew something that scares me #iguin must have been involved in qifrey's thing somehow. The Lidless eye..the sight of the world..i mean i think [redacted] #and he'll be [redacted] and [redacted] will be forced to... [redacted]???!?!!? #I want to keep my theories to myself.......or do i. not being a fandom person (other than dropping my art and leaving) means i just.. #combust inside by myself with ideas and FEARS FOR THAT MAN.....CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM IM SO WORRIED IM SO... #CAN YOU LET SOMEONE HELP YOU #apparently tetia's expression in the last one is hard to understand =.= she's emotional bc she cant believe they remembered #the twin hat idea. and that she's so happy. i was thinking about how she was probably qif's first pupil so there must have been a time #where it was just her qif and oru... i DO think she is hinted strongly to be trans but even if not her mystery background is probably so sad #why would qifrey even become a teacher? his goal was the brimhats. but he keeps being distracted by kids with problem pasts so #he must have only been drawn to help tetia out of a deep sympathy. it seems at that point he and oru had drifted apart #did oru decide to be his watchful eye hearing about that or did qifrey ask him? he thought that qif had given up on brimhat stuff so.. #*mumble mumble* lately i also keep remembering oru saying something UNREAL in kitchen like 'we're finally living under the same roof' ???? #you can't just say that. what on earth. i..... whatever. i haven't even processed like 20% of my potential emotions about them #i feel so weirdly emotional today. i stopped thinking about witch hat for zuka even tho im SO hyperfixated it is genuinely PAINFUL to stop #i stopped just long enough to watch gatsby raku.... my haachan #i'm so grateful right now that i dont have any big issues in my life rn so i can get worried about manga men and sad about actors retiring #today at least i am extremely grateful. living and being alive is so so so so weird. i hope we all make it

[shoezuki]

Might have to look into my university's accessibility services n see if they would consider ow oof ouch wrist hurt to be a serious enough disability to allow me to have more leeway with assignments.

#its genuinely so painful. like idk what is up w it. it is soem the worst its been in a long time #like even typing hurts???? and usually its the like. writing w a pencil that sets it off #idk i doubt theyd consider it severe enough even tho i cant fucking do any assignments rn #like i might start emailin profs and hope they give me more room for things without sayin i need accessibility servives #to give em the go ahead. #ugh. #negativity

[dearbraus]

i’m doing sm better than i have in a rlly long time and it’s making me so happy. my classes are going great, i’m not skipping them, i’m not procrastinating my hw, i’m getting out n about instead of rotting in bed !!!! i am happy and proud :3

#signed fawn #i am going to savour this soft patch!!! #and relish being happy!!! #even tho there are lots of stressors i am managing them!!! #like i’ll take stress induced jaw pain over being miserable 24/7 abussy #any day*** ONG NOT ABUSSY #anyways luv that there is only positive energy and love and light in my life rn

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary