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jeeaark · 3 months

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If Greygold was a companion, what would be the best way to initiate a romance with them? Would they go for the “L” word early or an Act or two later?

The "L" word was lube, right? Right? Else showering Durge/Tav with kisses Gomez-Addams-Style is the alternative.

Maybe the Nat 20 romance isn't the best way for Tav/Durge, but it sure is for Greygold. You just know Greygold scared that Dream Guardian away the first time and has been low-key obsessed with that armor since

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #durge #greygold #bg3 fanart #bg3 comic #Sometimes I have to make Greygold's idea of a good time sould like its wild stuff in order to make a really REALLY dumb joke #But truly they just wanna cuddle the SHIT out of anyone who goes out of their way to get that dream guardian armor for them #everyone thank the anon for the “L” word joke #and the silliest thing I have ever drawn #what are you doing to me guys- got me drawing durgexgreygold fluff and I still don't know jack about durge howdidthishappen lskdjdklj #I suppose Greygold's favorite type of folk are dorks who are complete disasters with mushy bits- tough coconut shell or not #so. every companion in this game

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merakiui · 8 months

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Wait wait wait! I wanna jump on this apocalypse au train real quick! But envision this…

Whenever a housewarden picks his bride there’s a ceremony that takes place to show the remaining population the person that’s going to be standing by his side. And for this, housewardens from other compounds are invited to come witness the ceremony (or some sort of diplomat comes in the leader’s place) . It's a show of goodwill and comradery between the compounds. To keep up morale and strengthen unity.

And for this special ceremony, it’s between the one and only Malleus Draconia and his pretty bride. And who shows up because of his hatred that borders on obsession for Malleus? Fuckin Rollo.

And he takes a great interest in Malleus’s Bride. She’s innocent looking, quiet and meek. But that’s not what sparks his unhealthy interest, it's the way you stare up at Malleus like he’s your whole world. Full of love and adoration. Pure and utter devotion.

And Rollo can’t fathom the thought that you, the pinnacle of perfection and innocence, could love a monster like Malleus. Surely, it must be the effects of some sinful curse.

And late at night, where all guests are in their rooms sleeping away from the festivities of the wedding, Rollo finds himself roaming the halls. Your sweet smile and perfect body engraved in his memories. How can he sleep when you're plaguing his mind?

That’s when he finds himself following the sounds of your moans echoing down the long hall. Walking deeper into the dwelling of the dragon’s territory. Forgoing any disdain he held for the ruler. Only focusing on the sounds of your pleasured gasps and lewd moans up to the large marble doors that seem to block his view of you.

A voice whispers into his ear to lean in closer and listen. That he’s the only one worthy enough to view. Tempting him so nicely and convincingly, that he’s on his knees peeking through the keyhole to see you sprawled across the large bed. Legs wrapped around Malleus’s waist and hands tugging at his long ebony locks. The force of Malleus’s deep thrust making your back arch.

And Rollo listens to you begging Malleus to go harder, to go faster. And all that strikes a chord with Rollo and he’s tempted to reach his hand down his trousers to beat his throbbing cock to the rhythm of Malleus thrust into your tight cunt. But he holds himself back, forcing himself to focus on the sway of your breast, the shining trail of cum that drips down your thighs and ass, the plumpness of your lips and hazy expression on your face.

It wasn’t until you plead these very words that not only does his restraint snaps but so does the man that was holding you like you were the most precious gem, “Please, give me a baby!”

And the thin string that was preventing him from falling deep into his delusion is cut.

Anyways, this has been on my mind for like the whole day. Um… so do with this as you please. It was mainly supposed to be about the love of my life, Malleus, but quickly turned into a rollo thirst, which is kinda surprising. But! Here it is. Also, I didn't know where to add it, but I like to think that Malleus knew Rollo was watching and knew that he was growing some sort of infatuation for his precious Child of Man and Mal took it personally.

And I just want to say I absolutely love your work. I consume it like my abuelita consumes her telenovelas. Every post is just so juicy and good. Legit, the best blog to ever blog fr. And i want to interact more, so i might be coming back with more ideas lol

-M (not quite sure how anon names work, but I hope this is good :))

AAAAAAAAAAA M ANON, THIS IS SO YUMMY OMG........ Rollo peeking in on you and Malleus when the two of you are trying to conceive a child, not only because of compound tradition but because the two of you genuinely love and care for each other. Oooooo Rollo is in utter disbelief that you could ever willingly love someone like Malleus! Surely you're under some spell. Magic is so filthy and terrible, after all. He wouldn't be surprised if that's the reason you're so affectionate with Malleus (Rollo is very wrong about that and also very delusional).

Omg and Malleus knowing Rollo was spying...... orz he can definitely sense the presence of another, and maybe come the following morning at breakfast Malleus is so attached to you, more possessive than usual because he just knows if he leaves you alone for more than a minute someone (Rollo) may attempt to strike up conversation with you. >_< aaaaaa and Rollo is so strict with himself, trying so hard to deny the fact that he's (lustfully) attracted to you and that he's only watching you from across the banquet hall like this because he's trying to understand what you see in Malleus. That's the only reason! It's definitely not because he keeps thinking about you and your pretty body and your moans and....... T_T he is obsessed and in denial, and Malleus most definitely knows this.

After he's returned to the Noble Bell compound, he (very begrudgingly) writes to Malleus, if only to keep up appearances and be polite, but mainly so, should another event happen, he can secure an invitation and see you again. <3 he frequently writes about you in his diary to sate every filthy desire he has, often tearing the pages out and burning them after he's gotten it out of his system. But some pages he keeps. Like the poems and sonnets dedicated to you.

#twisted chit chat #n/sfw #twst apocalypse au #M anon #also thank you for liking my work and blog!!!!! <3 #i'm happy the posts can be delicious #your apocalypse rollo idea sustains me orz it is truly a meal of an ask omg i am fed well #i need to write more apocalypse rollo >:D he's so gross i love him

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theloveinc · 2 months

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OKAY hear me out but touya WITH a job getting ready at your cute vanity and pink room. struggling to put up his cargo pants/ slacks with the belt, while running over to get his coat off of the fuzzy pink chair in the corner. he's forced to fix his hair and check if his face looks the least presentable in your mirror filled with polaroids before he goes out and it's SO funny to watch him do that omg. i'm gonna die

(pt. i!)

WAHHH mismatched socks, the elastic of his calvin kleins (that u bought him) peeking out at his backside; he nearly trips over his work bag that's waiting for him on the floor and practically slides right into your full-length mirror--you're really rooting for him and even though he wouldnt say it, he'd try to strangle himself if he lost his job for being late just one too many times--because he's rushing to get out the door.

you can hear him from the kitchen where you're putting together lunches (not for him specifically, but because you already make something for yourself, you might as well...you're welcome, touya), AND YES IT'S SO HARD not to laugh when the door bursts open and he's looking like a little fool with his black and white hair actually combed down and smudges around his eyes from trying + failing to get your eyeliner off of him.

(also, did he use your hairspray that was sitting on your vanity? maybe. okay, yes. though it's no surprise he knows where everything you own is lmfao)

he stills refuses to let you put things in a lunch box, but no way in HELL he's not shoving the wrapped sandwich and bento full of fruit into his bag before !!! kissing you goodbye!!!

it's truly like a dream come true 'coz even though part of him feels like a DOG having to work for the man, making you happy is what MAKES HIM HAPPY and being able to fill your (and now! his) room with more cute and pink things is his new favorite hobby...

(and even though he blushes like hell doing it, the next lunch date he's picking you up from, he's paying the whole table's bill in CASH and not taking no for an answer. makes him feel the best he has in a while. even though he's still eating everyone's leftovers lmao.)

slay the house down HOUSTON I'M DECEASED!!!!

#dabi #sorry my grammar went oUT THE DOOR WITH THIS #HE (YOUR IDEAS ANON) MAKE ME INSNANNANANENENENSNSNANANNENEN #also him in big doc martens I AM ASDJFLKAJDHFJKADHSFNJKADHJN #i fiend.... for him.......#and i love u anon thank u for this blessing #also i wonder what he does for work i've been trying to think!!#i def think it's something funny like the dmv or post office or something #bUT IDK MAYBE it's something else entirely!!#this dabi universe is everything to me #also if u have ur little kitten nibbles too <3 and he finally can afford to buy it expensive food #WAH #he's so ... boywife like truly his friends( shiggy toga twice mags all of them) are all . 'okay when did YOU get married?#and he's like shut up . but then asks if he can invite them over for dinner sometime akljdfladjfa #yes now that u pay rent boi #MWAH #caitie things #anon #gen

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 1 month

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I'm so down bad for Suguru that it's making me scared at this point. Just this man's back has me clawing at the walls.

I think I might need to touch some 3d grass

REAL ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ohhhh but his back is one of his best features anon………… forever thinking abt the one single crumb we got of shirtless sugu

/drools

#everyone say thank you kenny!!#HE’S SO BROAD 😞#hhhhhh i can’t deal w him i truly can’t #buffer than gojo i said what i said #anyway let’s touch grass Together anon <3 #ask tag ✩

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tickle-bugs · 7 months

Text

The Ol' Kentucky Welcome

Summary: Eggsy’s attitude gets him into trouble at Statesman HQ. Whiskey and Tequila show him how they handle mouthy recruits with too much pride.

Anon: Hey! Love your work. I was trying to think of something I haven't read. So, kingsman and golden circle. Maybe eggsy, whiskey, and Tatum s characters get real drunk one night, start teasing each other and a full out brawl of a tickle fight happens!!! You can do it!!! Thanks!

Loose handwaving at and spoilers for Kingsman: The Golden Circle.

Becoming a Kingsman had done wonders for Eggsy’s impulse control and sense of self. He’s got restraint now, and better judgement—he doesn’t blindly chase a whim without considering the consequences first.

This is what he tells himself as he poaches a bottle of premium Statesman Reserve whiskey from a supply closet rather ominously labeled ‘This Ain’t For Sharing, Friend’. He makes sure to shuffle the bottles to disguise the large gap left behind on the shelf.

He settles in at the Statesman briefing room table, loosening his tie and shirt collar. He unbuttons his jacket and, in a rare flash of bad manners, kicks his feet up onto one of the nearby chairs.

The thought of Harry scolding him for it tugs at chest.

“Now what do we have here?” Whiskey whistles lowly, ducking into the doorway. Tequila fits in beside him. Eggsy gives a mocking salute before popping the cork on the bottle. He grabs a polished crystal glass from a platter on the table and pours himself a hefty bit.

“Looks to me like we’ve got a thief, Whiskey.” Tequila arches his brow. “Y’ain’t learned your lesson yet, Galahad?”

“Gentlemen.” Eggsy smirks and lifts his glass. The sharp kiss of the liquor burns his tongue, but it washes back with a smoky smoothness unlike anything he'd ever tried. He smacks his lips loudly, enjoying the slight twitch of Whiskey’s eyebrow in response.

“Thought you fancy-types were supposed to be polite.” Whiskey puts his hands on his hips.

“And I thought you brutish types couldn’t make something so delicious.” Eggsy angles the glass in the light. The liquid seems to glow.

Tequila ducks past Whiskey and takes a seat at the table, helping himself to a glass. He clinks glasses with Eggsy and they share another sip. Both of them sigh in unison, sinking deeper into their chairs. Whiskey throws Eggsy’s feet off his chair and takes a seat.

“You’re lucky I ain’t reportin’ you to Ginger Ale for theft.” Whiskey fixes himself a glass. He takes off his hat and rests it on the table. He shrugs off his jacket, draping it over the back of the chair.

“Report me for what?” Eggsy cocks his head. “You fine, upstanding gentlemen cracked open a bottle of your own reserve to share with your guest and I just had to say yes. Would hate to be impolite.”

Whiskey glares. Eggsy sips innocently.

“I like this motherfucker, Whiskey.” Tequila laughs, muffling himself in his fist. Whiskey shifts his glare.

“‘Course you do. You can’t keep your mug outta trouble to save your life.”

“Least my mug ain’t ugly,” Tequila grumbles. Eggsy snorts. Whiskey turns to fish for a pack of cigarettes in his jacket pocket. As he leans forward, a silver shine peeks out of his pants pocket. Eggsy gently plucks a shiny lighter from Whiskey’s pocket and tucks it into his own.

“Champagne mentioned you’re a cheeky bugger.” Eggsy knocks shoulders with Tequila and winks.

“I dunno what that means.” Tequila frowns. They both watch Whiskey fumble around for the lost lighter and keep smooth, straight expressions.

“You get into shit. He’s fond of you?” Eggsy gestures at him. Tequila nods.

“Yeah, well…he wasn’t always. I’ve always been a bit of a firecracker. Didn’t make the best choices. Got people hurt. Built up a reputation for bein’ a problem, and Champagne started makin’ me own it.” Tequila watches his whiskey swirl in his glass. Eggsy hums thoughtfully.

“Sounds like Harry. He didn’t let me get away with shit. If I did something reckless, it was my arse on the line. But sometimes it paid off.” Eggsy smiles and thinks of stealing Harry’s cab on his way out of initiation.

“To good mentors.” Tequila inclines his head respectfully and raises his glass. Eggsy clinks their glasses together.

The three of them pass the time draining the bottle and looking out over the twinkling lights of the distillery buildings. A boyish mischief settles into Tequila, one that grows as the liquor in the bottle sinks. Whiskey starts to slur his words, but he maintains a hunter’s focus.

“Tell me somethin’, Eggsy. What brought you to Kingsman?” Whiskey watches him over the rim of his glass. His stare is piercing.

“Hm. Harry did. Not so different from Tequila, I reckon. I’d made a right fuckin’ mess and Harry saved me from it. Gave me a job. He saw something in me that no one else did.” Eggsy traces his fingers along the edge of his cup. He glances absently towards Harry’s cell and sighs quickly. Whiskey follows his gaze.

“Did your lepidopterist friend teach you to have sticky fingers, or do you just like causin’ problems?” Whiskey holds his hand out. Eggsy rolls his eyes and hands over the stolen lighter.

“I’ve always been good at nicking things. S’fun.” Eggsy grins and produces Whiskey’s wallet. Whiskey grumbles under his breath and snatches it.

“Feels like you’re the only one of your people that ain’t all hoity-toity. What other secrets are you hiding?” Tequila leans forward. The question grates against Eggsy’s better instincts. He searches Tequila’s face for the slightest bit of ill will. All that sticks is the way light catches softly on his eyes. Eggsy hums and turns his eyes to the ceiling to think.

“Well, my girlfriend bein’ a princess isn’t much of a secret anymore, so…I was a gymnast for a bit.” Eggsy grins. Tequila’s eyes light up and he starts snapping in Whiskey’s direction. For each snap, Whiskey gives a disgruntled hm until eventually they’re just swatting at each other.

“Whiskey, don’t we have them flippy bars down in the gym?” Tequila sniffs, blinking as the liquor hits his sinuses. Eggsy perks up. A spark of excitement picks up atop the warm flush of liquor in his stomach.

“We do. For Statesman agents. Y’know Rum and Cognac get real touchy ‘bout their stuff.” Whiskey raises an eyebrow.

“Well, we’re workin’ together now, ain’t we? ‘Sides, Rum and Cognac ain’t here. Let’s walk him down there. I wanna see what he can do.” Tequila claps Eggsy on the shoulder. Eggsy gives his best winning smile. Whiskey grumbles, then downs the rest of his glass.

“Fuck it. Fine. Five minutes.”

…

They stumble down to the Statesman training facility, passing by a very tired Ginger Ale who opts not to ask why Eggsy’s wearing Tequila’s hat (pretty simple, it’s ‘cause he nicked it). Whiskey puts his thumb to a scanner and the wall unfolds for them.

The lights click on in rows, lighting the industrial space. Eggsy gasps like a kid on Christmas morning.

Sophisticated weight training and combat equipment sit in neat rows. Eggsy locks in directly past that, drifting unconsciously towards a heaping pile of chalk bags. Pommel horses, beams, bars, and hanging rings sprawl out on a spring mat, all in pristine condition. A few launchpads and trampolines lay near the equipment. Eggsy laughs incredulously as he takes it in. Nostalgia flutters in his chest.

Eggsy immediately unbuttons his shirt, folding it cleanly and crisply. He shoves it and the cowboy hat into Tequila’s arms, adjusts his tank top, then works to unlace his shoes. The moment his feet are free, he sprints for one of the springboards. He hits it clean, just like he’d learned, and pushes off the vault, twisting through the air. His landing is a bit messy, but it’s functional, and he takes off to the parallel bars next.

The alcohol writhes in his system, but he doesn’t care. How can he? It’s been years. Coach’d told him he was good enough for the fucking Olympics and he hadn’t touched a set of bars since. The flex of the bars is a comfort to him. He flips and twirls, holding crisp handstands and tucks through muscle memory alone.

He dismounts beautifully from the parallel bars to the pleasant thrum of adrenaline and a smattering of applause.

“Hoowee, that was somethin’!” Tequila ruffles Eggsy’s hair, destroying the last hold of the gel on his head. Eggsy laughs and swats him away.

“Hats off to you, kid. Takes a lot of skill to pull that off.” Whiskey nods in respect. Eggsy returns it.

“I ain’t gonna lie, I thought you were gonna fall on your ass. I’m impressed.” Tequila slugs his shoulder with a brassy laugh.

“Thanks, Tequila.” Eggsy grins roguishly. “Mind givin’ me a boost?”

“Sure.” Tequila follows Eggsy over to the high bar. Whiskey loudly clears his throat.

“Boys, this has been…eye-openin’, but we really should get goin’. Early start tomorrow, I imagine. And this one’ll be fit to collapse when the time difference catches up.” Whiskey inclines his head towards Eggsy.

“Sorry, bruv? Can’t hear you all the way over there.” Eggsy gestures to his ear with a cheeky grin.

“I said—“

“No, no. If you have something to say, come whisper it in my fucking ear.” Eggsy snickers, hearing Merlin’s voice in his head. Whiskey rolls his eyes and saunters over.

“Look, I respect you ‘cause Champagne respects you. Other than that, you’re still a brat that oughta fall into line. Let’s turn in for the night. Both of you.” Whiskey raises his eyebrow. The honey tones of his voice make his annoyance all the more amusing.

“What’re you gonna do about it? Get me with your skipping rope?” Eggsy smirks. Tequila mutters a quiet aw hell and takes a step back.

“Maybe I will, you little shit.”

Eggsy comes to terms with a number of things about himself in that moment, and he puts them all away to process sober. Instead, he gestures for Tequila to give him a hand and reaches up for the bar.

Tequila picks him up by the waist, and it’s not the smooth, assisted lift he’s used to. It’s the clumsy grip of a drunk surprised by weight. Tequila does lift Eggsy up to the bar, but at the cost of his dignity— he spasms and makes a high-pitched noise when Tequila’s fingers press into his waist.

In hindsight, he should’ve seen the way Whiskey’s eyes narrowed at that.

“What the hell was that?” Tequila squints up at him.

“Nothin’. Thought you were gonna drop me. Bugger off.” Eggsy kicks weakly in Tequila’s direction. He backs up, hands raised. Whiskey steps in, hands on his belt.

“Get off the bar, Eggsy.” Whiskey sniffs authoritatively. The logical Kingsman agent buried in Eggsy’s brain sets off warning bells, but Drunk Eggsy, who is obviously of much sounder mind, ignores it.

“Make me, Whiskey.” Eggsy starts to swing in the space he has. Not enough to kick anyone, but enough to look like he will. He manages to rotate clumsily around the bar once, then hangs back down in front of Whiskey.

“You want me to embarrass you in front of your new friend? Okay.” Whiskey steps up to Eggsy and makes a show of sizing him up. Then, quicker than the draw of his pistols, his hands latch onto Eggsy’s sides and squeeze until he’s screaming and plummeting off the bar. Eggsy’s short life flashes before his eyes as he falls bodily into Tequila’s arms.

“Are you fucking mental?” Eggsy goes to shove Whiskey, but Tequila holds him back.

“Woah, watch that mouth of yours!” Whiskey laughs, eyes glittering. “You told me to make you. Your wish is my command, friend.”

Eggsy kicks, trying to break Tequila's hold, and he catches Whiskey right in the balls. He makes a noise like a wounded donkey and folds over. Eggsy snickers. Whiskey whips his reddening face up and glares.

“Now you’ve done it. Tequila!” Whiskey tosses something his way and he catches it. Eggsy barely has time to react before his arms are bound and hoisted in the air above his head. His toes brush the ground. The bar above him creaks in protest but does not give.

Whiskey puts his hands on his hips again. Eggsy wonders if that’s a cowboy thing or an American one.

“Skippin’ rope, bitch.” Whiskey grins, sharklike. “Now…you done with the whole insubordination routine or am I gonna have to give you the ol’ Kentucky Welcome?”

Eggsy snorts derisively. He tests his bindings. They hold steady. Fear starts to pierce through his liquid courage.

“I’m honored, bruv, but I’m in a committed relationship—“

Whiskey clicks his tongue and crowds into Eggsy’s space. He immediately steels himself for violence—what else would there be besides violence? He’s been jumped before. He’s no stranger to the predatory tilt of Whiskey’s head. He sets his jaw and glares.

“When Tequila first joined up, he carried a bit of them clownin’ instincts with him. That didn’t fly with Champagne. We had to figure out a way to take him down a few pegs without hurtin’ him. So, the Kentucky Welcome was born.”

“Aw, fuck you, Whiskey. Seriously, man.” Tequila pipes up from behind Eggsy.

“What does this have to do with me? I know you Americans love to hear yourself talk, but I’m not interested.” Eggsy tries to pull free. Nothing. Whiskey’s gaze gets softer, more mischievous. The change is deeply unnerving.

“Well, you remind me of Tequila. You’ve clearly got a good head on your shoulders, but you’re a little shit. So I’m gonna deal with you the same way we used to deal with him. Last chance, kid. You comin’ quietly or are we gonna have to drag you?”

Eggsy flinches when Whiskey reaches for him—years of habit die hard—and prepares himself for the hard crunch of knuckles into his ribs. Instead, he’s met with a gentle and persistent scritching.

A confused noise bubbles up at the back of Eggsy’s throat, quickly chased by a wobbly smile. He ducks his head and bites his lip.

Oh what the fuck?

Kingsman had taught him to resist the most painful and stressful of scenarios, but they’d never taught him what to do about this. Tilde’s maybe the only person who knows that he’s ticklish, and even then…he can convince her to let him go by kissing her senseless. Eggsy doubts that’ll work here.

“Uh oh, Galahad. Don’t tell me something’s botherin’ you?” Whiskey presses an insincere hand to his heart. Eggsy’s brain stutters for a moment as he realizes that Tequila’s the one scratching at his ribs.

“Fffffuck you.” Eggsy exhales sharply through his nose and closes his eyes--nope, that’s worse. So much worse.

Whiskey tickles under his arms and Eggsy yelps, bright laughter tumbling after. It shouldn’t be this bad—Tilde’s done far worse to him in jest, but somehow the teasing grin of his begrudging allies gets under his skin. His arms flex as he tries to pull himself up and away, but his strength collapses with every breath.

“Aw, y’all are twins.” Whiskey leans around Eggsy to smirk at Tequila.

“Whiskey.” Tequila’s languished tone being hilarious really doesn’t help things. Eggsy’s entire face scrunches as he tries to find his way back towards composure. A hiccup sneaks into his chest, and then he’s giggling incessantly. His chest feels like the sparklers he’d run around with as a kid, bright and fizzling and dissolving with every breath.

“Y’know, I wish I had tried this when I first caught y’all. Prolly woulda gone a hell of a lot faster.” Tequila’s voice floats past Eggsy’s ear. Eggsy manages a giggly growl and a halfhearted headbutt in his direction. Tequila tuts at him and folds his fingers into Eggsy’s waistline.

He makes a noise at a pitch that threatens to shatter every lightbulb in the room. Tequila’s calloused fingers strum Eggsy’s nerves like guitar strings and it tickles, fucking shit—

Tequila hooks his fingers just so and Eggsy kicks. Whiskey snags his ankle before a second devastating impact can occur. They make tortuous eye contact.

“Whiskey—“ Eggsy attempts to appeal to the cowboy’s humanity with what Merlin fondly calls his nuclear puppy eyes.

Grinning wickedly, Whiskey shakes his head and reaches for his trapped foot.

Eggsy’s eyes bug out of his head.

He wrenches his leg free, twists his hands, and flips upwards. Managing a gold-worthy handstand into a dismount, he frees his wrists and lands smoothly. Eggsy playfully curtsies. Tequila starts to clap. Whiskey smacks him upside the head.

“Alright, I’m done playin’ around. Grab him. If we’re caught down here at this hour it’ll be my hide.” Whiskey gestures for Tequila to step in. He does so, still a little off-kilter from the liquor.

Eggsy rushes in, expecting a clumsier rendition of the fighting style he’d been so painfully introduced to. Instead, Tequila smoothly blocks his blows and hoists Eggsy over his shoulder like a sack of fucking potatoes. One of his arms locks behind Eggsy’s thighs as they start to walk for the door. It takes him a moment to even process being upside-down. The sway of Tequila’s gait shakes some blood into his brain.

“Aw, y’all are twins.”

“—deal with you the same way we used to deal with him—“

A lightbulb clicks on in Eggsy’s head. He shouldn’t…but he could…but he shouldn’t—

He shoves his hands under Tequila’s arms. Before he can blink or breathe, they’re in a heap on the ground. Tequila’s cackling dead weight presses the air from Eggsy’s chest.

“Thought you’d put up more of a fight, bruv.” Eggsy’s eyebrows raise. Tequila shrieks at him in response. Eggsy manages to wiggle free and hop lightly to his feet as Tequila gathers his wits.

“There’s one of you and two of us. Be wise.” Whiskey cracks his neck. Eggsy looks over at Tequila and smirks devilishly. Tequila pales.

“I like those odds.”

The flurry of motion as they charge each other sets off the ‘fight’ center in his brain, but there is some comfort in knowing no harm is on the table. Eggsy flips and twists out of their grasp, taking advantage of his flexibility to pull off increasingly ridiculous dodges. He neatly sweeps both Whiskey and Tequila’s legs out from under them.

“Little help?” Whiskey gestures lamely at Tequila.

“Nah, I’m done. Y’all are nuts.” Tequila lays on his back, putting his hat down over his face. He folds his arms behind his head. Whiskey curses at him. Tequila gives him the finger.

Whiskey grabs Eggsy by the back of the shirt--really, he should know better--and Eggsy sweeps him again. Whiskey’s ready for it this time, though, and he manages a pin faster than Eggsy can roll away. Whiskey plants himself on Eggsy’s back like he’s settling on a bull.

“Aren’t you tired? Goddamn.” Whiskey sighs. Eggsy winces at the texture of the mat against his cheek.

It reminds him of Roxy and agonizing training sessions, of hours of sweat and bruising and his face stinging from being slammed into the mat. Even past the wave of grief, he remembers the shape of her smile when she would lecture him about letting her pin him on his stomach.

“Indefensible,” she’d say, prodding the back of his ribs. “You’re a sitting duck like this.”

And every time he’d roll his eyes, hooking his fingers behind her knees--

Oh. Hm.

As best as he can, he reaches back and latches onto Whiskey’s thigh, squeezing just above his knee. Whiskey hollers and tries to phase right through the floor. Eggsy rolls them over and pursues, squeezing and squeezing until Whiskey is a wheezing pile on the floor.

Eggsy flips onto his feet. He knows he’s imagining the fond, ghostly squeeze on his shoulder, but he puts his hand on the spot anyways.

“Now I’m tired. Goodnight, fellas.” Eggsy salutes with a wide grin, stepping over both cowboys. He gathers his belongings and saunters for the door, whistling pleasantly.

Whiskey rubs a hand over his face as he stares up at the ceiling.

“Kid’s fuckin’ lucky I like him,” Whiskey grumbles, pushing himself up onto his elbows.

“Might not wanna speak too soon. He took your hat.” Tequila puts his own ten-gallon back on his head and gestures towards the door with a whistle. Whiskey growls and shoots to his feet.

“Motherfucker! Eggsy!”

#my fics #this fic truly wrote itself. i blacked out and it just happened #and then i realized i didnt properly read the prompt and then rewrote it lol #is this good? *vague mumbling and shrugging*. did i have fun? absolutely #kingsman #ticklish!eggsy #eggsy unwin #ticklish!whiskey #agent whiskey #ticklish!tequila #agent tequila #<- contenders for some of my silliest tags #theres an au in my head where roxy merlin eggsy and harry play cowboy with the statesman agents for a while #mostly bc i want cowboy roxy...#anyways ive wanted to write kingsman forever! thx for the prompt hope you enjoy <3 #also anon 'you can do it!!! thanks!!!' has been in my head since you sent the prompt. like yea i CAN do it!!! thank YOU!!!!

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swordheld · 8 months

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how did u choose your username?

oh, this is a fun one!! i think i considered being swordtold at first, for that very ancient myth vibe of the sword being this narrative tool for adventure and structure and physical time, the parable being passed down through the centuries until it meddles into modern day rhetoric and ideology – a kind of fantastical tool, a spark of magic, of possibility.

i like the arc of the story of a place being physical / having it be held by time and hand alike, wearing with the years and having it become something different to each holder, each reader, each experience fantastical and individual.

having that kind of physicality to it; swordheld is the action of taking up and holding the sword yourself, choosing your own narrative, leading your own story. self-identity has always been something i struggle with (a novel concept i know, i know), so it felt right for this blog, since most of my older blogs before this one have been just me silently reblogging and never really posting anything myself, and i wanted this to be the change to that.

i've always had trouble wranging my social anxiety, esp. on the internet, and previously thought that keeping my words to myself helped keep the timeline cleaner, in a way, no messy thoughts for others to sort through, especially ones i believed no one would want to read anyway? but it never felt right, keeping myself apart from it all, esp. not in the way i so avidly enjoyed reading others' posts and additions, keeping their words close to my heart.

i wanted it to reflect that this was a space i was holding for myself? and i'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but this - this i think i got right. i love being here, on this blog, and the joy that it brings me. everyone else enjoying it too has been a wild ride that i never expected, and still surprises me, one that brings a little extra thrill to my heart whenever i think about it.

i had other urls that i liked, but i didn't want this blog to be tied directly to any of my fandom/story interests, since i wanted it to really just be a sort of archive of artistic inspiration and resource, like a little library or museum. i use them now as lil sideblogs of more niche interests now, which is rather lovely.

it hasn't always felt like it fit perfectly, the way that i'd like, but for some reason i can't think of really wanting to change it anytime soon. it feels mythic yet modern in a way that feels like puzzle pieces finally slotting into their place, something my own and inspirational to me, like a lantern i'm holding to make my way by. my own kind of light, if that makes sense – a star i know by name.

#q&a.#birdsong.#all of this is truly just a way to say: it's your blog! it's your party! do what you like if it makes you happy!! (and doesn't hurt anyone!#live your dreams!!!!!! do your own thing truly it is worth it. which feels silly and cheesy inspirational talk vibes but u kno. it's right #thank u for ur question tho !!! it's been so long that i don't really remember exactly what the beginning of it all was?#it wasn't always my url for this blog esp. in the beginning but i've forgotten what that was ghjk so sorry dear anon !#like little flashes of a story in my memory i have to make out / like steam or fog on a window pane. blurry and unclear?#but now it feels more intentional / almost like watercolor! something that mixes itself into a new thing; bright and bursting w/ it all.#i hope this answers ur question nicely all the same tho <3 #i always on habit write out lantern as lanturn so this is an unintentional shout out to one of my fav pokemon love u lanturn !!#some of these things i truly do just write out bc i know it'll make me laugh later if i ever come back to it. lil joys for ur future self !#and that IS a reference to the dickinson poem ' i am out with lanterns looking for myself ' it is in my brain always ! ! thank u ! !

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skyward-floored · 2 months

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Don’t say that! I love your writing so much!!! There’s nothing wrong with sticking to canon, and the way you write all the characters is amazing! You have such great characterization and the way you write emotions is just incredible!

Your writing is absolutely incredible, even if you may not believe it yourself you contribute a lot to this fandom and I know you’ve definitely made some of my awful days better just because I read some of the things you’ve published. Every time I see you post I get excited because I love your content so much!

The things you create are valuable and lovely because they’re yours! They are wholeheartedly and entirely yours! That is what makes them amazing! It makes it unique and beautiful and no one else can make it!

I know it’s hard to believe and your mentality won’t change just because I, one insignificant person you’ve never met, said this, but I hope someday you can believe it.

Until then, I (and so, so many other people, I imagine) will remind you as many times as you need. I hope you have an excellent night and I offer you hugs 🫂

Ohhh anon

I was having a moment of self-doubt and getting frustrated with my writing so I decided to go do something else, and then I come back and see this lovely message that makes me cry 💖

You’re so sweet anon, thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot 😭

#it’s just #hard sometimes #to remember people do like what I write #and I know I know I’ve been posting stuff pretty regularly lately #but like #I truly haven’t updated any of my longer stuff in what feels like forever #and that really depresses me because I feel like I’m letting people down #even though I know I should take my time #I guess it just makes me frustrated I can’t keep to a regular schedule even though other people seem to manage it fine #idk #plus how I stick generally close to canon #I guess it’s just hard to remember people enjoy that and don’t mind waiting #even if I tell myself I’m a failure for taking forever to update stuff #but all that to say #I really appreciate you anon <3 thank you #answers from the floor #anon

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tojisun · 5 months

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i loved the way you wrote ur recent toxic!dbf!biker! simon, but his actions have got me HEATED!! the AUDACITY!!! he’d never, and i mean NEVER, ever hear from me again!! i’d be praying on his downfall, though, hoping he crashes his bike and dies!!!!!

HAKDIEKRJ (this was about ‘dear john’) im so sorry for how late im responding to this but thank you so so much teehee!!

no fr. simon is not a good man in this version (i dont think he ever will be tbh. and even then, i dont want him ending up w reader bc, well, why give someone like this a happy ending? yea i love simon [OUR SIMON THE GOOD ONE] but ive been drawing ideas from irl experience so personally when reader gets out of this, no more second chances n do-overs i fear.)

AND YES! ive been a fool but NEVER LET ANYONE PLAY W U THE WAY toxic dbf!SIMON IS W READER!!!!

im giggling at u all collectively saying u hope his bike crashes tho 😭

#anon #ask #im so sorry for how late im answering asks #sm of these are buried under reqs im truly sorry #but thank you so much for still having sent it in n sharing w me what u thought of my fic! mwah i love you <3

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wayliparker-co · 1 month

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so are you copying campbyler's story too or just everything else?

hi anon! i was gonna just let this ask rot bc you’re being so rude abt it but i do think your question is something worth addressing so just as a blanket statement for anyone else who’s considering being a dick to us abt this:

we both adore suni and thea and the whole universe they have crafted with acswy, and it’s true that we’ve drawn some inspo from the way they set up the campbyler blog! however, blogs for fics aren’t a new thing by any means, and saying that we *stole* the concept from them is simply not true by any stretch of the imagination. plenty of people create blogs for fics, and ours is intentionally structured a little differently than theirs - for example, we intend to do multiple fics together both in and outside of the cmwygas universe, so this blog is more of a home base for our brand as co authors than it is a Fic Blog in the way that campbyler is.

additionally, once we start posting the fic you will see that it is Very Very Different to acswy in terms of vibes and content - the only real similarity is that it is also an au. however, if any part of that is going to upset you, you’re more than welcome to stop hiding behind the anon function like a coward so we can block you on all platforms!! reading privileges are for Nice People only 👍

finally, and possibly most importantly: it does not do anyone any good to compare authors and stories to each other. best case scenario you piss people (i.e. ME) off, worst case you intimidate or harass someone into not wanting to share their art! and that is never EVER okay. for anyone that might still be worried, i can assure you that we have the explicit consent of The thea wiseatom in creating this blog, and we would never Ever want to step on her or suni’s toes in any creative endeavors so we take this very seriously. hopefully this clears up any confusion, as we will Not be tolerating shit like this from now on ❤️ the defense rests thank you so much.

#anon i’m truly sorry you got Me answering this instead of wayli as i’m sure she’d have been much nicer!#however i have a zero tolerance policy for entitled rude little brats and it’s best we establish that early on <3 #thanks for asking !#🫶#cmwygas

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luthienne · 9 months

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your blog is truly my favorite thing. i read so much and so many different things now, it feels like inhaling novels in fifth grade but so much better

and your blog introduced me to Anne Carson. which is of course very much appreciated

oh my god anon — my heart. i'm genuinely beaming, thank you for sharing this with me <33333

#ask #anon #i think they can see me from space rn. truly thank you for this lovely message — i'm so happy you're here <3 #& what a privilege for me to introduce you to anne carson. pauline (tumblr user antigonick) was the one who introduced me to ms carson <3

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