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sharkylass · 5 months

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ALRIGHT IN STARS AND TIME FANDOM, I'M BOUT TO HIT YOU WITH MY TAKE ON THE BELOVED SISTER!!

Those who don't want to get spoiled about little details about Bonnie's sister (or the game at all for that matter- There's spoilers for Act 3 and 4 in here so YOU'VE BEEN WARNED)

SAY HELLO TO PETRONILLE!! Or how I am going to call her, Nil. I've seen a few people do their take on her, and I wanted to join in!

@insertdisc5 I am sorry in advance if you have a vision for her, especially if it is WILDLY different to mine-

KEEP IN MIND, I AM GOING TO BE RANTING A LOT, IVE HAD THIS IN THE MAKING FOR A WHILE, THERE'S MORE ART, SO SKIP AHEAD IF YOU'D LIKE

First thing's first! I tried to figure out what she would look like in the original style. I didn't want to overly detail her with my normal style, and I wanted her to somewhat fit in with the rest. Bonnie was clearly the strongest inspiration , she has their eyes, the black hair, white thing around their head to bring attention to her face- That's also why she has lip piercings! To bring more attention to her face (and due to Bonnie's earring type, I assumed piercings can exist in the world)

Her ear has 3 earrings, that was not intentional, I just thought it was cool. I like to think they perceive those as "regular" earrings, and even if a person wears bonding earrings, they can also wear more normal earrings.

I just had the image of her not really having a short range weapon, so maybe it's time for someone with a semi-long range weapon to join the team! In my head Nil seemed to be the type to like getting dirty with her hands, so a rope seemed fitting somehow.

Also- She is paper type! I liked the idea of her looking like such a rock type, but being paper. I considered making her dual type, but since those are rare, I didn't want to get ahead of myself. Admittedly, that does make the party a little overloaded with paper types, so if she was to be in a game with balancing, I'd probably change her to rock or something. BUT AS A CHARACTER THING- she remains paper.

(EDIT: I was just reminded of the huge hammer she broke a wall with, so that is ABSOLUTELY a valid replacement weapon for her. If she was rock type that would be her weapon for sure. Altho it IS funny to imagine she broke the wall and swore off heavy weapons for life. I like to think thats what happened with my take on Nil)

Mechanically I think she wouldn't be too dissimular to Isabeau, but instead of boosting the party, she debuffs the enemy. Particularly slowing them down, and lowing defense. Alternatively, I can see her being a second healer of sorts, but while Mira is good at healing everyone, Nil is good at healing a single person and giving them a boost (just things she learned to take care of Bon). I do see her attack not being that high tho, probably lower then Mira.

ALRIGHT, TIME FOR MORE ART

Her dynamics with everyone:

Bonnie:

I like to think Bonnie got their spunky attitude from somewhere. So I like to think Nil is very playful with them, even if she is looking out for them. Bonnie clearly knows the difference between lighthearted serious, and SERIOUS serious. They also seem to revel in compliments, so I like to imagine they are used to receiving them from their sister!

Nil is the most serious around Bonnie tho. As their sole caretaker, she's trying her best to keep them out of trouble while teaching them and letting them grow at a normal pace.

However, when she's with the adults- I described it like- Around Bonnie she can be serious and a voice of reason. When she's with adults tho she herself becomes the Bonnie, so to speak. She's loud and a bit hot-headed.

Mirabelle:

I swear I saw Insertdisc mention that Mira and Nil would have a bit of a rivalry going on AND I'M SO HERE FOR IT-

The two of them are those siblings that fight constantly, but the moment someone else gives either of them shit, the other will go for the jugular. They mainly try to compete for Bon's affection and who's the better sister, and they get a bit... blindsighted. Nil usually doesn't go out of her way to spoil Bonnie I don't think, I think she tries to be reasonable with them where she can. However with Mira in the picture it becomes- a little hard... Nil doesn't like the thought that she's being replaced

However, if either of them needs it, the other will be there. Nil provides Mira with a strong shoulder to lean on, and Mira provides an emotional yet reasonable approach to the situation bothering Nil.

Odile:

I like to think at first Nil didn't really get along with Odile. Supposedly Nil has a bad relationship with her parents, so I imagine her seeing someone who's a parent aged adult who holds seemingly more authority- It would... Unnerve her for a little while.

Odile will probably give her something to do, and Nil would refuse, because who is Odile to be ordering her around?? You know. Like a child. But with time they get used to the dynamic, Nil grows to respect Odile at the very least, and Odile picks up on the fact Nil seems to respond positively to positive reinforcement from her.

Having someone close, to break that pre build idea in Nil's head with positivity, despite Odile being strict and struggling to show affection- It would do her a lot of good, and Nil will eventually thank her, and apologize for being so rough to her in the beginning.

Isabeau:

Isa and Nil are actually very similar- I did not mean for it, but I hope they don't end up being TOO similar.

They are both loud, love to laugh and take care of those they love. Even their hobbies are a bit more similar then everyone else. Nil likes gardening, and taking care of things, and Isa likes to create clothes. Both of them are in a way creating something. Nil making sure what she's taking care of grows to be big and strong, and Isa is more literal-

Where they differ is in smarts partly. Isa is clearly very book smart. I think Nil would turn to him if she had a general question about something (and later on Odile once she gets used to her). She completely encourages him to show more of what he knows.

They also differ in their buffness slightly. While Isa is still the beefiest on the team, he did it with the intention, he trained. Meanwhile I think Nil just likes the field work so she's constantly outside doing heavy dirty work.

I like to think that after being unfrozen, Nil's clothes were roughed up and she didn't really think to or have the time to fix it. So I imagine Isa saw the roughed up state of her pants and gloves, and made her some himself, Which she treasures but GOD she is not used to receiving anything from anyone, LET ALONE gifts.

They also similarly hide their insecurities under bavado. Isa hides his smarts to be liked, and Nil hides her fears so she can be brave. I'll go more into detail when I get to Nil's own section. (I SWEAR I didn't mean for Isa's section to be so long I PROMISE-)

Siffrin:

These two don't do a lot of talking I'd imagine. While Nil is used to being loud, I think she'd get used to the silence around Sif and simply enjoy the quiet.

A lot of the ideas I had with those two were very touch focused. I assume Nil struggles with touch because of potential childhood related traumas, and not being warned sends her into a fight or flight. While Sif is deeply unused to it but craves it.

I still imagine Nil isn't an inherently NOT touchy person- I mean. Bon's the touchiest little guy out there. So maybe she knows how to warn people of when she's about to touch them, AND she is more used to asking for hugs and affection. So after she learns that Sif struggles asking and being startled, she became the person that would encourage them and tell them how to do it. In every single drawing where they're touching just know that either she warned them or they asked for that touch.

Also Nil is a very grounding reminder for Sif that he's not in the loops anymore. So if they get a particular scare, like they were woken up wrong, they had a rough sleep, smelled a banana, remembered the king- anything involving going back- Nil serves as a reminder that they're here, with everyone, in the present. No going back. So that, combined with their touch therapy, it results in him being particularly physically clingy with her. She squeezes their hand ocassionally. It's a grounding reminder.

Nil is also UNBELIEVABLY THANKFUL for Sif, once she learns about how they lost their eye. The fact Sif went out of their way to protect HER little sibling- It means the world to her, and she wouldn't wish it on Sif one bit. She probably holds guilt that she couldn't take the hit for both of them, Bonnie is her responsibility! They probably end up having a conversation similar to Sif telling Mira "Do you think she was wrong? To save you?" She doesn't know about the end of act 3

AAAAAND NIL HERSELF!

A lot of this is already information I mentioned. Her being a paper type, her liking bugs, being traumatized, startled by touch- But I drew these beforehand, so!

I imagine Nil ran away young, cause Bonnie doesn't remember her running from their parents. What happened in there, I do not know and I don't think I'm capable of imagining. It might not even be as dramatic as I illustrated it. But either way, she grew up being the sole caretaker of Bonnie. I'm sure Vaugardians were kind and that they didn't have to struggle too hard for food or a place, or to get Bonnie into a school- But Nil still wanted to learn how to be self sufficient, how to provide in case something happens. It might be why they live in Bambouche honestly, Nil learned how to grow plants and being close to the sea is good for catching a lot of fish! ...It was also at the edge of Vaugarde. Probably the edges where the King's curse reached slower.

She likes getting her hands dirty and working outside, so I imagine she's a bit sunburnt! If only on her shoulders and cheeks.

Growing up alone, self sufficient- She probably had to grow a bit fast (even if she indulges in childish things with Bonbon). She quickly started repressing all fears, all questions of her decision to run away. I imagine she's actually insecure in her abilities, how Bon deserves more capable people in their life, how she doesn't really know anything and how she literally got frozen and Bonnie had to fend for themselves- After Bon comes back, she's so filled with admiration and adoration for her little sibling. They really went to the ends of the earth and saved the world. What a brave little sibling she has.

The new family kind of... Feels like a threat to her title as sister at the start. All 5 of them saved a country. The people Bonnie met are strong, knowledgeable, been all over the world- She's glad they protect Bonnie. She just wishes she had something to offer. It takes her a little while to realize they are also there for her too.

I was ranting to a friend, and I am pretty sure we know Nil would like to travel after everything. Being able to explore her more child like fantasies, with the safety blanket that is the family- It means a lot to her. She gets to truly indulge in living and letting loose and depending on people for the first time in her life.

Afterwards tho... I like to imagine she would settle down. It takes a while, but she likes having a place to call her own. And so we talked about how she would probably have a ranch of some sort. I like to imagine she'd love having horses. A way for her to remain free spirited, while taking care of creatures and having the security of a place to rest at the end of the day. And if she chooses, she can go wherever she wants with those bad boys!

My friend mentioned they might have goats or sheep or chicken, and I'm all aboard for that too. I'm not settled on the idea of a farm life for her, but I like it.

Also if I dare pull a Dreaming One for a second- Bonnie and Sif are like little siblings to her, Mira is like a twin (or relatively same aged), Isa is like an older brother, and Odile the everlasting grandma.

ALRIGHT THAT TOOK A WHILE-

Sorry, I started drawing her for fun and just started BRAINROTTING about her out of nowhere.

I still have little doodle ideas but this was already getting so lengthy so I am going to leave it here, and maybe return another day.

I just deeply wanted to establish Nil as her own character who can fit within the group's dynamic and belong in the family. While she very much IS Bonnie's sister and that's such a big part of her, I wanted to expand her a little further.

If you took the time to read, THANK YOU. I HOPE YOU LIKE HER, AND THAT YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL REST OF YOUR DAY

P.S. IF YOU DRAW OR WRITE WITH HER I BEG YOU TO TAG ME

#OH! AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! MAY IT TREAT YOU WELL #long post #isat #in stars and time #isat siffrin #isat bonnie #isat mirabelle #isat isabeau #isat odile #isat nille #in stars and time nille #isat spoilers #in stars and times spoilers

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look-at-the-soul · 9 months

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Hi! I'm new to the Peaky fandom and am in need of some Tommy fics because he's my favourite character! If your requests are open, (if not, there's no rush!) may I pretty please have a drabble or imagine -- whatever is easier -- with this gif?

*A little spice is okay, just nothing explicit. Also, my pronouns are she/her, but a gender neutral story is totally okay, too! :)

Thank you in advance!

Hello Jessyca! 🥰 Thank you so much for sending this gif!! I decided to make it part of Adele challenge using one of my favorite songs! (Lyrics in italics) 🔥🥰 edit and welcome to the fandom!! 🥰 I forgot to reply this sorry! I hope so far you’ve found incredible stories and lovely mutuals around (I’m always reblogging stories I really enjoy reading 💖)

🔥🔥🔥although the gif is extra hot, you’ll find nothing but fluffiness in this little story…

Women like me

By the corner of your eye, you found Mr. Shelby trying to catch his breath. Resting on his back against the pillows, he was looking at the ceiling completely lost in his own thoughts, his thumb rubbing absently between his brows.

You're driving me away, give me a reason to stay

I want to be lost in you, but not in this way

Don't think you quite understand who you have on your hands

How can you not see just how good for you I am?

In silence you started the same routine you knew by heart now; get up, get dressed and sneak out of his bedroom in silence, head down.

Ah, yes you were almost forgetting about his generous payment in between.

I know that you've been hurt before, that's why you feel so insecure

I begged you to let me in, 'cause I only want to be the cure

You could still feel his seed dripping down your legs, but tried to pick up your clothes scattered on the floor as gracefully as you could to get dress in the corner.

You’d been serving him for several months now, rumor has it Lizzie Stark wasn’t his mistress anymore because she got pregnant, so that was your job now; being Thomas Shelby’s whore.

Complacency is the worst trait to have, are you crazy?

You ain't never had, ain't never had a woman like me

But tonight there was something different, out of place. Mr. Shelby was still in the same position, his chest was now moving at a more normal pace. Looking at the floor, you felt embarrassed to ask for the money so you decided to pretend to fix your hair to see if he got the hint.

But he didn’t.

So after he longest seconds of your life, you decided to walk out without anything, feeling disappointed because you really needed to money to support your family. Perhaps he’d pay you double the next time, you thought to yourself but as you reached the door, his voice stopped you.

All you do is complain about decisions you make

“Y/N…” Your mouth hang open, surprised to hear him say your name.

“Is there a chance for you to stay all night?”

“I-I don’t know Mr. Shelby.” You stammered nervously, the instructions were clear; let him do whatever he wants, pick up your stuff and leave.

“You can call me Tommy… is there somewhere you need to go?”

Your eyes found his briefly, but you instantly dragged them down. “No, it’s just I’m not supposed to stay for the night.” You answered in a low voice.

“Why not?”

Feeling more embarrassed than ever, you didn’t want to point out the obvious, but as his intense blue eyes stared at you, you didn’t have another choice.

“Sir-Tommy,” you corrected yourself, “I’m just a whore.”

We come from the same place, but you will never give it up

It's where they make you feel powerful

That's why you think I make you feel small

But that's your projection, it's not my rejection

You knew that’s what you were, anyone could tell without even knowing you. But calling yourself that, hit you differently.

“Come here,” he extended his hand at you, and you didn’t have any other choice but take it and climb into bed again. “How long have you been coming here?”

“Six months.”

I put my heart on the line for the very first time

Because you asked me to, and now you've gone and changed your mind

But loving you was a breakthrough

You saw his head moving up and down slowly, but he was still oddly quiet.

He was still trying to organize the thoughts inside his mind as he saw you absently picking on your stockings. How could he put into words the way he felt about you?

“Y/N over the last couple of months, you’ve been the only one willing to spend some time with me, when everyone else finds an excuse to walk out the door, you’ve been the constant of my days, or nights for the matter.”

I saw what my heart can really do

Now some other man will get the love I have for you

'Cause you don't care, oh-oh-oh

Was he going to ask you to stop coming every night? You couldn’t speak, terrified of saying something that would piss him off. You had fallen for him secretly, blame it to the intimacy, the frequent late night calls, the way please took over him, but you did and deep down you knew it was all wrong.

“You’re not like the others, you don’t take and leave. You fill my glass with whiskey before you go or you pick up my clothes and fold them… you’ve listened to all my shit without judging me.”

Confused, you gave him a long look. “Tommy, what are you try-”

“I’ve feelings for you, Y/N.”

“That can’t be true, I’m a whore… men like you don’t fall in love with women like me.”

Consistency is the gift to give for free, and it is key

To ever keep, to ever keep a woman like me

“Women like you?” He was suddenly kneeling in bed in front of you, his hands cupping your cheeks. “Who says that?”

“Everybody knows that.”

This was just a fantasy, a dream. You were worthless, the worst of the worst.

“Just so you to know, I’m not so different than you… we just sell different parts of ourselves, Y/N.”

His eyes fixed on you, his intense gaze penetrating every layer, tearing down every single wall. And as he realized your guard was coming down, he pulled you in for a kiss, breaking the only rule you set when you first walked into his bedroom; no kissing.

That first kiss felt totally different to anything you’ve experienced until now, because men usually take what they want and leave right away, but Tommy took his time to explore your lips, the way they molded to his, tentatively, switching his pace and tilting his head from time to time as if he didn’t want to leave a single spot unattended.

He broke apart allowing you to take a deep breath, your head was spinning.

“Beneath, there’s a good woman, I just know it.” His knuckles carefully caressed your chin. You wanted to believe him, but you had been used in the past you no longer knew who you were.

He saw the hesitation in your eyes, so he took your hand and placed it over his heart. “Y/N I’m not going to hurt you, I genuinely fell for you, for he woman you are, for the little things I know about you… for the way you allowed me to be myself when the door is closed.”

He had been fighting it for so long, but with you he was allowed to strip down not only from his clothes, but from the heartless cold bastard he had to be in front of everyone else.

“Will you give me the chance?”

Looking down you fought against the lump that formed in your throat. “But how will you deal with my past and all the burden I’ve?”

“I’m not going to erase it, just like you can’t delete mine,” his fingers sunk in your disheveled curls, “but we can look forward and take it from there, together.”

As a single tear slid through your cheek, his thumb came to wipe it away, right before he crashed his lips once more and you believed him with all your heart because deep down you knew he was right.

A woman like you wasn’t so different than a man like him.

***

Master list

A/N: I’ve had this idea for a while now, guess it was time to post it, and I apologize because although I absolutely adore the concept I have been feeling a bit down and I’m not sure I was able to portray what I intended to…

Like always I’m so grateful if you decide to share your thoughts x

Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @datewithgianni @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @gypsy-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @rangerelik @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @moral-terpitude @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @thenattitude @winchestergirl22 @zablife @heidimoreton @imichelle-l-rigby @allie131313 @already-broken144 @peakyscillian @babaohhhriley @mrkdvidal1989 @shelbydelrey @shaddixlife @sloanexx @sydneyyyya (can’t tag) @adaydreamaway08 @pono-pura-vida @thomashelbyswife @darleneslane @everythingelseisextra @kmc1989

#That’s what Cill said #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby fan fic #tommy shelby x fem!reader #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x you #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby imagine #peaky blinders fanfiction #cillian murphy x reader

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misc-obeyme · 2 months

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DID BEELSCUSTARD GOT TERMINATED WHY

Okay I saw about this when I checked Tumblr this morning before work. Normally I don’t post during work hours (thanks to the queue), but I couldn’t stop thinking about this & I think it’s important for people to know.

beelscustard & I think a few other blogs that did image editing were terminated due to copyright laws.

I don’t know enough about these laws to speak on it & presumably they’re going by the laws in Japan. I was always under the impression that as long as no money is being made from it, fanworks of all kinds are permissible. But that may not be the case for Japanese laws & there may be some ambiguity when it comes to editing of images from game content.

That being said, I think this is a really shitty move.

The fandom has been lagging already & now they’re going to come in & hurt their own fans by not only deleting years worth of dedicated work but depriving other fans of that work as well? This is something that will only hurt them, not help them.

They have continually made some upsetting decisions, but this really takes the cake in my opinion.

I don’t know if they’re planning on doing anything else like this. My understanding is that it has to do with data mining & image editing, but that doesn’t mean they won’t come for other fanworks as well. I’m not telling anybody to panic about it, but just make sure you’ve got your stuff somewhere. There’s a way to backup Tumblr blogs I think. I’ll see if I can find the post about it after I get off work & then I’ll reblog it.

As fans, all we can do is support each other. It sucks, but this game exists to make money. That’s always going to be their priority. We get to decide for each of us as individuals how much money we’re willing to give to support the underlings who are working on the game that actually care about the content they create.

I don’t think it’s likely that they would crack down on fanfiction blogs, but I have posted plenty of screenshots. So if you’re worried about losing me, you can go follow me on my main blog @misc-magic if you would like to. It might not matter but I’m not sure how serious they’re going to get with this.

I’m sorry to use your ask as a more general announcement, Kian. I know you already follow my main 💕 but hopefully this also answers similar questions for others as well.

If I see anything else that I can share I’ll keep you all updated.

#everything was fine until they started the new app #now they keep doing stupid shit #I kinda wish we could go back to that time sigh #obey me #obey me nightbringer #expressionless-fr #cc mutuals #misc answers

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anakin-pilled · 9 months

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SILVER SPRINGS (Lo'ak x Fem! Reader)

pairing: lo'ak x fem! reader

wordcount: 7.6k

warnings: angst, fandom cliches, amateur writing, bantering, unrequited love (?), complex family dynamics, A LOT OF CLICHES IM SORRY, bad pacing (my bad bro idk how to pace a story im new to this), not sure what else as this is pretty tame

rating: SFW! though my blog is 18+ because i interact with nsfw content, anyone can technically read this?

taglist: @teyamsatan

author's note: okay hi this is my first fanfic that i've ever written before? not counting fanfics i wrote in middle school anyway i got the idea for this fanfic after listening to silver springs by fleetwood mac and i was so obsessed with this idea that i had to make it come true? im a huge neteyam girly so this is a shocker that my first fic ever is about lo'ak (he's my babygirl, just not the LOML like neteyam). uhhh im only familiar with academic writing and this is my first time EVER dipping my toe into the waters of creative writing so pls bear with me if this is not perfect. i actually think this is quite flat and tbh i hate the pacing like its actually awful and there is so much room for improvement, but hey what can i do? IM A NEWBIE AT THIS!! with that being said, if you do decide to read, please treat me with some grace because i am sensitive and i did this purely for fun!!! i know my lo'ak stans are starving for fics and im here to deliver!!!! i am not a professional or seasoned writer by any means but i really tried my best to create something enjoyable ): i don't know why this ended up being so long but it did and there WILL be a part two, i already have it outlined. SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, here is my first avatar fanfiction!!

proofread and edited but i got lazy toward the end LOL if you see any mistakes, please tell me kindly <3

You could be my silver spring

Blue-green colors flashin'

I would be your only dream

Your shinin' autumn ocean crashin'

The forest blended into a mixture of vibrant colors as you ran away from the incoming threat. Beautiful shades of blue, green, and purple passed around you. The feeling of the bare ground, soft and pliant from the morning dew, normally imbued you with a sense of stability and peace. As long as your feet were on the ground and connected to Ewya’s bountiful moon, you knew everything would be alright. However, this time, the feeling of the bare ground underneath your feet felt the opposite of stable and peaceful. The ground served as a reminder of how much longer you had to run until you reached the safe confines of the Omitikaya clan.

You stopped running with a quick halt. Your chest heaved up and down as you tried to catch your breath. The beads in your hair clacked together in a cacophony as you looked around in different directions. The sun broke through the tree canopy and highlighted the forest like a kaleidoscope. Swish. You quickly turned your head to the other side to catch sight of what made the noise but all you could see was the rustling of the bush–as if whatever you were looking for was looking for you too before running off. Without a second to spare, you dashed in the direction of the village. But you only made it a few feet ahead of you before you were tackled by something heavy and shoved to the forest ground.

“I win.” said the voice from above in a triumphant, but annoying, manner.

“You got to be faster than that, ‘eylan.” As you shaded your eyes with your hand, you were met with the illuminating picture of Lo’ak on top of you. The sun shone above on Lo’ak and cast him in beautiful rays of light. He looked like an angel–like a celestial being sent straight from Ewya’s heart and into your eyesight. Though you have never seen an angel, Norm described them as ethereal and pure religious beings. And at this moment, Lo’ak was an angel.

“Get off me, fatass.” You said as you pushed Lo’ak weight off your body. You secretly loved the weight of his body on yours and how it radiated a warmth that hugged your body and soul. Lo’ak rolled off with ease and laid next to you on the foliage. “Hey! No need to insult me because you lost yet another round of hunter and prey.”

Hunter and prey. A game that all Omitcayan children played growing up. And though you and Lo’ak were no longer children, you continued to play this game. Lo’ak claims it’s a great way to burn energy and let loose. You suspected he liked playing so often because it allowed him to avoid whatever daily chores his father, the Olo’eyktan, assigned him. And while you could think of better ways to spend your time, you indulged in Lo’ak’s childish whims because it brought him happiness. What type of best friend would you be if you didn’t?

“I’m not insulting you because I lost. I could care less about losing,” You explained. “I’m insulting you because tackled me to the ground and put your entire weight on my body. Lay off the yovo fruit and I might insult you less.”

Lo’ak scoffed at your response and stuck his tongue out in a mocking manner. “You mean the yovo fruit that Spider and I specifically collected because you asked for it? Yeah, I got put on ikran pen duty for a week after that since we missed curfew.”

You simply rolled your eyes and aimed your middle finger at Lo’ak. Yeah, you definitely spent way too much time around Lo’ak.

You both basked in the sun and listened to the sound of the forest: your home, your comfort place, the lifeline of the People. You thanked Eywa every day for the forest and the way it provided for you endlessly–from the delicious yovo fruit, to the medicinal herbs, fauna, and everything in between. There was a gentle rustle in the air as it approached low afternoon. If closed your eyes and listened hard enough, you could hear the faint buzz of the insects and the leaves fluttering.

As you turned on your side to face Lo’ak, you noticed he still had his eyes shut. Your eyes raked over his stripes–the stripes that would forever be engrained in your brain–and focused on the armband that fits snugly on his upper arm. The weaved armband was made out of dried, violet stalks from the tstxa'a plant and braided into a traditional, intricate Omatikayan pattern. You added tiny clay beads that you hand-molded and painted a color very similar to a marigold–you captured copious amounts of juice from the banana fruit just to have enough pigment to create a dye. A small smile appeared on your face as you recall how long it took you to make the armband.

Your eyes slowly made their way toward his face. They widened as they realized Lo’ak’s eyes were open and staring at you too. The air was charged with tension as you both continued to stare at each other in silence.

You and Lo’ak always had this weird ability to communicate through eye contact alone. Your friendship, which was forged in childhood, ran so deep that words failed to represent what your eyes could. He was your other half as much as you were his. In these small moments of intimacy, you remember just how much you love Lo’ak. There was an unspoken bond between you two–a bond that went beyond friendship and teetered on the edge of romantic love. And while it was undeniable that there was something more happening between the two of you, your relationship stayed on that flimsy edge.

“What are you thinking about,” you whispered in a tone so soft that it reached Lo’ak ears like a tender caress.

“Oh, nothing. Just thinking,” Lo’ak replied with a teasing lilt in his voice and a glitter in his amber eyes. While everyone in the Omatikaya clan had the same shades of bright, yellow eyes, you thought Lo’ak had the prettiest. You raised the muscle on your face, where your eyebrows would have been if you had, and furrowed your forehead in suspicious knowing.

“Thinki-” “I’m thinking about how funny it would be if I beat your ass in another round of hunter and prey! Last one to the village has to take over foraging duty!,” Lo’ak shouted with a boyish smile as he got up quickly and ran in the direction of his kelku.

You got up from the lush grass and ran after him with another exacerbated breath.

The day drawled along as you patrolled the forest for the dandetiger tree. You looked for its long, azure leaves and armored trunk. As a healer in training, you were tasked by Mo’at to look for the tree for samples of the resin-like substance that it leaked. The sticky substance was extremely helpful to the Omatikaya clan in many ways as it behaved like an adhesive. It was especially important to healers as they used the dangetiger tree as part of treating wounds and ensuring bandages stuck and protected healing wounds. The healing hut ran low on its supply, thus you found yourself wandering through the forest. Kiri offered to accompany you, but you could tell she rather focus on perfecting the paste she was mixing. A major perk of being best friends with Lo’ak is that you also became close with his family and found a small niche within the Sully family.

You were an extension of Lo’ak, but also the opposite of him in some ways. Whereas Lo’ak was more energetic and impulsive, you were calmer and sensical. You both balanced each other perfectly; you were the yin to his yang. While Lo’ak’s nature often got him in trouble with his family, namely his father and older brother, you loved his high energy and zest for life. Sure, he could use more pragmatism in his daily thinking, but you saw Lo’ak’s personality as a blessing more than a hindrance, especially in times of war and destruction. If Lo’ak was your sun, then you were his moon–stable and outer-worldly. You were unwavering. Your nurturing nature and kind soul always amazed Lo’ak, even in the worse of times, you took it upon yourself to think and act as an optimist. You carried yourself with a sense of dignity that Lo’ak wishes he could replicate.

Though none of you ever admitted it out loud, you and Lo’ak knew that you loved each other in a way that best friends didn’t.

Despite your differences, you both had a passion for exploring and adventure. If Lo’ak went anywhere, you followed. And if he got in any trouble, you were only a few steps behind him. While Lo’ak intention for mischief was partially caused by the motivation to piss off his father, you believed that Eywa made Pandora for the purpose of exploring. Why would she make Pandora so magnificent and rich in life if not to experience every single crevice, nook, and cranny of it? While the forest would always be your home and the place you want to spend the rest of your life in, you could not deny the appeal of a nomadic lifestyle like the Olangi clan. However, with the return of the sky people on Pandora, your exploring had been cut to a short. Unable to venture into the unknown parts of the forest, the parts that resulted in a scolding or two from both your mom and Mr. Sully, you were forced to stay within the clan’s boundary lines.

Your thoughts were cut short as your heard movement in the background. The bag on your shoulder was discarded to the ground as you took out your bow and arrow. You were no warrior, but you begged Lo’ak to teach you enough to be able to defend yourself. Any Na’vi should know this little. You prayed to Eywa that it wasn’t a palulukan, or worse��a sky demon. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of your face as you aimed your bow in the direction of where you heard the noise. You aimed at the bushes before letting your final finger release the bow.

“Relax, syulang! It’s just me, Lo’ak!,” he said as he came out from the bushes of loreyu and walked to where you were standing. “Lo’ak,” you huffed with annoyance in your voice. “Don’t scare me like that, you skxawng! I was really focused on finding a dandetiger tree. Tsahik’s orders. What are you even doing here? I thought you were training with your father.”

“Lo’ak,” you huffed with annoyance in your voice. “Don’t scare me like that, you skxawng! I was really focused on finding a dandetiger tree. Tsahik’s orders. What are you even doing here? I thought you were training with your father.”

As Lo’ak walked closer to you, you noticed the downturn expression on his face. Your immediate heart softened. He must have had another fight with his father, you thought to yourself. Lo’ak turned his face toward yours and you saw the unshed tears in his eyes that threatened to fall any second now.

“I, uh, I was training with my father until we got into a fight and I stormed off,” he said with a shaky breath. You could tell Lo’ak was trying to keep his composure, not wanting to show that vulnerable side he desperately tries to hide away. Yet, you knew better than that. Every time Lo’ak tried to shut down and hide his emotions, you came running after him and knocked down the fragile walls he built around himself. The walls were fragile because Lo’ak knew he would and could never shut you out completely. He took a deep, shaky breath before continuing, “I’m just so sick of it. He expects me to be this perfect son and soldier all in one, but I’m not Neteyam. I’m just Lo’ak.”

You always thought Lo’ak was the most complex person you ever met. He was the second-born son of the revered Toruk Makto and mighty Palulukun Makto. But, Lo’ak was so much more than that to you. He was more than both of his parents. Though he would never admit it, Lo’ak was a lost soul. Not quite like Neteyam, the mighty warrior and dutiful son, or the spiritual Kiri who was literally like Ewya’s disciple. Hell, even everyone knew Tuk would grow into a fine, strong-spirited woman! Lo’ak didn't know where he fit in his family. Of course, the Sully family loved him, and Lo’ak loved his family just as much. But that still didn’t stop the gnawing, deep feeling in Lo’ak’s subconscious from telling him that he would never amount to greatness like the rest of his family. You wished Lo’ak wouldn’t be so hard on himself because you also had a deep feeling in your subconscious that Lo’ak was destined for greatness–the feeling was embedded so deep in your bones that you would bet your left on it.

“I know that I’m a fuck up.”

“You’re no-”

“It’s okay, syulang. I know I’m a fuck up. I can see it in the tribes’ faces every time they hear my father lecture me, or worse, hear Neteyam lecture me. I can see it in my fathers’ eyes and in the way the rest of my family pities me.”

“Your family doesn’t pity you, Lo’ak. If anything, they pity the way your father has been forced into this weird dichotomy of the punisher and protector ever since the sky demons returned and how it’s taken an effect on your relationship,” you tried to explain as sweetly as possible.

You took a step closer to Lo’ak and examined his face. Though his tears had dried and his eyes were now puffy, you could still tell there was a great sadness within him. You wished you could take all his pain and suffering so he didn’t have to.

“I don’t know who I am besides the fuck up, or the troublemaker. I feel like my entire existence is defined by all the things I am not. Defined by the way I’m different from Neteyam or Kiri. I want to be defined by who I am, but I don’t even know who that is most of the time,” said Lo’ak. “I try so hard, but it is never enough to satisfy my father. Or myself. I feel this heavy pressure in my chest and no matter what I do to relieve it, it stays. If I am not meant to be the next Olo’eyktan or the next Tsahik, then who am I meant to be? Sure–I am training to become a warrior, but I’m not sure if this is something I want or if it is a role I am forced into. I know I’m impulsive and reckless and irresponsible, but I try so hard, but what if that isn’t enough to look over all my flaws and mistakes?”

You moved even closer and tucked one of Lo’ak’s front braids behind his ear. You always loved his hair like this. It suited his face so well. His braids were adorned by various beads, each with its own significance and memory attached to them. The beads he wore today were a pretty amethyst color. Your mind quickly flashbacked to the day you both created the matching beads. You both swam all day in one of the forest’s ponds trying to find the purple stones underwater so you could both craft new beads. Lo’ak almost passed out from lack of air twice and your hair was so tangled by the end of the day that it took your mother three hours to undo the gnarly knots. It was totally worth it, however, because you gained new accessories and memories to match. But before you could let yourself get too far away in the past, you shifted your attention towards Lo’ak and began to speak.

“I see you, Lo’ak. I see all of you. I know that you feel like a lost soul and that you get too caught up in comparing yourself to the rest of your family. And I truly wished you didn’t compare yourself to others so much because you are so special.” Lo’ak’s face grew warm at your words. Before he could respond, you interrupted him and continued to talk. “You feel like you are too different from your family and think you do not fit in, but you do! You are the light of your family; you bring laughter and happiness. The Sully dynamic would not be the same without you–it would be too serious and no one would have fun! Lo’ak, you have a strong heart like your father. Even though you could use some impulse control, I know you never have ill intentions. We are still so young and have so much more maturing to do. Do not let yourself be defined by the mistakes of your past. Mistakes are bound to happen–they are as natural as birth and death. You’re the light of my life too. Without you, there is no one else in this clan that could make me smile as much as you do. No one to explore with and quench our thirst for curiosity. You say that you are impulsive, but there is too much excitement in your body to contain it. I love seeing your excitement and wander–it is a reminder of Pandora’s goodness and the way Eywa intended us to live. You are not irresponsible, you are just learning along the way like we all are. There is no one like you, and my heart is torn because you do not see yourself in the same way. I pray to Eywa that you could see yourself through my eyes.” You then placed one hand on Lo’ak’s chest, right above his heart.

“Nga yawne lu oer, Lo’ak.” There was no going back now. You said it–the words that would either be fatal to your soul or make your heart sore higher than the Hallejuah Mountains. And though there was a risk of Lo’ak rejecting you completely, you jumped off the fragile cliff that your friendship lived on. All the intimate moments, the knowing smiles, and the lifetime of shared memories led you to this moment.

A moment of silent pass as you waited for Lo’ak’s response to your confession. Lo'ak did not expect you to confess, but he knew at some point it was bound to happen. Just not right now, under these cruel circumstances, in a time of devastation.

You shouldn’t have confessed. Lo’ak wasn’t ready for it.

The look in your eyes was so sincere and so full of unconditional love. You are the only person who could truly see Lo’ak for everything that he is and everything he was meant to become. The light hit your eyes in the right way and Lo’ak could swear they were glittering. Ewya blessed her with both heart and beauty, he said in his head. Lo’ak could only stare as he still reeled from your heartfelt speech. He wasn’t an idiot—Lo’ak knew that there was a special chemistry between him and his best friend. And he also knew that it was the type of chemistry that only two people in love have. Lo’ak has known ever since he was a small child that you were his endgame. Your years spent together only solidified his hypothesis.

Life on Pandora could be unforgiving and unrelenting, but you were the complete opposite. You were forgiving, always ready to accept Lo’ak back into your arms and heart after every mistake he made. Though these mistakes were rarely made towards you, you still welcomed him every time. You were always there for him. But, Lo’ak didn’t fall in love with you because of the fact you were always there for him. It did play a big part, but Lo’ak knew that would be a selfish reason for falling in love. Instead, Lo’ak fell in love with you because you were…well, you. You were kind and always treated your fellow clan members with the utmost consideration and respect. You were perceptive, never wanting to misconstrue a situation and analyzing all nuances before speaking on something. Because of this, everything you said or did was genuine. Lo’ak loved this the most about you. Where Lo’ak felt everyone in the clan (excluding his family and Spider) give him fake niceties, you were 100% authentic towards him. You never condescendingly spoke to him or treated him like a chore that had to be put up with. Compassion and understanding were what you treated Lo’ak with. These are all things he rarely experienced with other Na’vi. Yet, you also weren’t afraid to call out Lo’ak on his bullshit and humble him. You somehow balanced outspokenness and tenderness all at once. This lit a fire in Lo’ak soul.

This thought both excited and scared him. The thought of loving someone unconditionally, and being loved unconditionally, seemed like something too good to be true. Only something reserved for people who deserved it. Lo’ak knew you deserved unconditional love, but it couldn’t be with him. Despite everything you said about him and the way it almost glued together his broken self-esteem, Lo’ak could not return your confession in good consciousness. It’s not that Lo’ak didn't love you–hell, he loves you more than anyone or anything on this moon! But, his insecurities would not allow you to love him or allow him to love you. He didn’t deserve to love or be loved, not when his insecurities kept up awake at night, taunting his brain with “You’ll never be good enough” or “You’re a failure of a son and brother.” You deserved better than Lo’ak and all of his broken parts. You needed someone who was the best–someone like Neteyam, but not Neteyam himself because that would be the final nail in Lo’ak’s coffin. Lo’ak knows his recklessness, impulsivity, and natural gravitation toward the unknown was acceptable because he is young. These may be the traits you love about Lo’ak now, but he knows very well these are the same traits that can make you fall out of love with him too. After all, you won’t be young forever and it won’t be cute forever. But what if he never grows out of this? What if this is who he is meant to be? No, Lo’ak would not subject you to this fate.

And so, for once in his life, Lo’ak let fear take over his decision. Your face morphed into an expression of shock and confusion before settling on a still face.

“I am sorry, syulang. I can’t do this right now.”

You watched Lo’ak retreat from the spot you both stood in. What the fuck just happened?

You spent the next few days in a strange haze as you processed what happened between you and Lo’ak. At first, you were angry. How could Lo’ak just leave you hanging like that? For Ewya’s sake, he could have said anything else and it would have been a better response than what he said. You laid your fucking heart out on your sleeve, waiting for Lo’ak to take it and claim it forever. After your initial response to the situation, you started to worry. Maybe you misinterpreted your relationship. What if Lo’ak didn’t love you and you just thought he did because of how close you were? No, that didn’t sound right. You knew Lo’ak loved you too. Not even in a delusional way to comfort yourself, but there was no denying you both loved each other. Did you just confess at the wrong time? Perhaps it would have been better if you confessed when Lo’ak wasn’t fighting with his father. But, you didn’t even mean to confess! Well, you did mean to confess but not at that exact moment. You were trying to comfort Lo’ak and reassure him that he was wrong, that someone could love him. It just seemed like the right thing to say. What if it wasn’t? What if it overwhelmed Lo’ak and pushed him away? Now you felt like the jerk for confessing at such a moment. But Lo’ak was a jerk too for just leaving you! You really wished you could talk to him, or that he would talk to you, but the timing was horrible. The war party went out a few days ago, and it was Lo’ak’s first time joining the mission. But of course, things never go as planned. Over-enthusiasm from Lo’ak’s and an injured Neteyam caused Mr. Sully to put Lo’ak on lockdown for the last few days. This was the first day Lo’ak was allowed some freedom to explore, that’s what Kiri told you before she left with her brother, Spider, and Tuk. You wanted to join them in their adventure today, but you were still reeling from your last conversation with Lo’ak and decided it would be better to stay in the village. You needed one more day to unscramble your thoughts before approaching him.

The tension between you and Lo’ak had been festering, but it quickly came to a stop once you saw him walk back into the village with his entire family. Jake and Neytiri walked walk in front of their children with heavy looks on their faces. Jake looked angry, yet worn at the same time. His mouth was pressed in a tight line and the wrinkles in his forehead looked more apparent than they ever have before. Neytiri walked beside Jake with Tuk’s hand in hers in a tight grasp, as if she never wanted to let her baby go ever again. Her expression was harder to read, but you could tell the tsakarem was worried by her stiff posture. Kiri trailed behind her parents with a slouchy form and arms across her torso. She looks dejected. And finally in the back were Neteyam and Lo’ak. Spider was nowhere to be seen, which you found odd as he went with the rest of the Sully children into the forest, but you assumed he must have gone back to the human outpost before curfew.

I wonder what happened. Something must have happened if the entire family walked in like that.

Jake and Neytiri quickly made their way to their kelku and closed the opening flaps before any of their children could come in. The Sully children then made their way toward the side of their kelku and leaned forward on their hands as they attempted to listen to their parent's conversation. You wanted to make your way towards them and figure out what the hell happened. Just as you were about to walk over to them, Lo’ak turned around and his eyes scanned the village as if he were looking for something or someone. Lo’ak’s eyes then met yours and with a small nod, you understood what he was trying to say. Later. At our spot.

Your stomach turned to bubbles as a feeling of cold anxiety washed over your body. You weren’t sure if it was because of Lo’ak or something else, but you knew whatever it was, it was not good.

Lo’ak was already sitting on the bioluminescent forest floor when you arrived at the small clearing which was designated as our spot. It was a hidden clearing–away from any of the main trails and hunting and gathering spots that the clan used. You first found the clearing one day after playing a round of hunter and prey with Lo’ak and Spider.

Flashback

You were both 12 years old. Your hair was cut in a sharp, shoulder-length bob because you claimed long hair only got in the way. A bright orange and yellow ombre feather decorated the underside of your hair. A simple beige-toned weaved top and matching ‘tewng adorned your small body as you ran away from Lo’ak. He loved playing the role of hunter–you assumed it because of the way Lo’ak looked up to his father. He wanted to be like the Olo’eyktan in every way possible. This was before their relationship had a strain in it. Both you and Lo’ak were unmarred from the harshness of war. The only thought that filled both of your minds was what adventure you would get into next.

As you giggled profusely and thought of where to run next, you noticed that you were in a different part of the forest that you never visited before. You searched for any familiar landmarks, or plants that would signify where you were. The giggles that previously escaped your mouth quieted down as the situation dawned on you. You were lost in the forest all alone! Your mom was going to kill you, but only if a nantang or palulukun didn’t kill you first.

“Lo’ak, are you there!!!!!,” you screamed at the top of your lungs. That probably wasn’t the smartest move. A predator could be attracted to your sound. But you figured it would be better to call for Lo’ak. If any predators came, you could climb a tree and wait it out.

“Lo’ak!!!” you continued. Worry was starting to creep in. If you didn’t find Lo’ak soon, there was no way you would be able to survive the night in the forest.

As you looked around the clearing again, you noted that it was quite pretty. A small pond, decorated with pink paysyuls, sat in the middle of the forest. The sun streamed through the trees and you could see the fishes elegantly swim in the water. A pack of loreyu sat directly across the pond, along with eanean bushes right next to it. The clearing was simple, but you knew that it was much more than that. Like everything else Eywa created, the clearing served a purpose and was spiritually connected to the Na’vi. Perhaps its purpose was unknown until this moment. You decided that the purpose of the clearing would be a secret spot only known to both you and Lo’ak. The thought excited you, and you quickly imagined a lifetime of moments here.

Flashback Over

Lo’ak sat with his arms extended behind him with his back facing you. You could see the tension in his back muscle as he sat there, looking up towards the night sky. One of Polyphemus’ moons was shaped like an ikran claw. Despite the moon’s brightness in the sky, the stars still twinkled. A soft, minty green glow emitted from the bioluminescent leaves Lo’ak sat upon. His tanhi, patterned perfectly on his body like Ewya directly hand placed each freckle herself, glowed like the sky above him. Lo’ak was lost in his thoughts as he silently spoke to Ewya, questioning what her intention was. You cleared your throat to grab Lo’ak’s attention.

“Hey…” he muttered under his breath. You replied with a soft hello before taking your place next to him. There was still an awkward tension lingering between the two of you, but you pushed it away. Whatever happened a few days ago didn’t matter anymore. You knew something serious happened in the Sully family and you knew your best friend needed you right now.

“Do you want to tell me what happened this time?” you quoted Lo’ak as you looked into his eyes for the first time in a few days. The dark lighting only enhanced the rich shade of his honey-colored eyes. They glowed brightly in the dark. His eyes resembled the shiny topaz glass jewels located deep in the rainforests’ many caverns–both were a sight to behold.

Lo’ak thought he should rip the bandage off. There was no point in delaying the traumatic news he just received from his parents.

“My family and I are leaving the forest.”

You were confused by his statement. Leaving where? There was no other place to go. The forest was your home, his home. “Do you mean that you’re visiting another tribe for diplomatic reasons,” you asked with a slight tilt in your head to match confusion. Why would this be so important that he needed to meet you at your spot? This wouldn’t be the first time the Sully family has left on diplomatic retreats.

“No, (Y/N). My family and I are leaving the forest permanently,” Lo’ak replied. Your heart dropped into the pits of your stomach. Now you were just getting annoyed. You haven’t spoken to Lo’ak in the days, and the first thing he does is try to pull at your leg. “Lo’ak if this is a joke, then it’s not funny. What are you talking about?” you said with a stern voice. Lo’ak stared at you as if he didn’t want to explain further. It’s true, he didn’t want to explain further because it meant that what was happening was real and there was no way to delay or stop the situation.

“Earlier today, when we were exploring the forest, we saw footprints in the dirt that didn’t belong to any Na’vi. It was sky demons. We followed the footsteps to an abandoned shack. I knew we weren’t supposed to be there, but then we spotted a group of uniltìranyu in military gear. I quickly paged my father and let him know what we found. But as we were trying to leave back to the forest, the uniltìranyu captured us and held us hostage…”

“What?” you let out in shock. The magnitude of Lo’ak’s words hit you like a poisoned arrow. Dreamwalkers? How could that be true? The last dream walker to walk the ground of Pandora was Jake Sully…and that was 14 years ago.

“I-I thought we were going to die. They treated us like we were animals. As if we were the ones who invaded their planet and deserved to be captured and hung. All I felt was primal fear and the instinctual reaction to protect my family. We were held hostage until my parents and brother came to our rescue. But, it was too late by then. They figured out who were and our relation to my father. They even captured Spider…” Lo’ak had to stop speaking. The familiar tightening of his throat began. You could tell he was about to cry, but you pushed further. Honestly, your brain was fuzzy at this point. It was so fuzzy to the point that you didn’t even process the news of Spider, your tiny human friend, being captured. It completely slipped your mind. You didn’t have time to think about the implications of this news as you could only process one thing and one thing only: Lo’ak was leaving. The Sullys were leaving!

“What does that have to do with you leaving the forest?”

“Don’t you understand, syulang? They know who we are. Our lives are at risk! The whole clan is at risk if we continue to stay.” Lo’ak explained in frustration. “I don’t want this, I don’t want to leave the only place I’ve ever known. How can I leave the forest while Spider is out there, going through Eywa knows what, with those demons? How can I leave you?” Fat, wet tears streamed down Lo’ak’s face as he spoke.

Crack. The sound of your heart breaking reverberated in your ears. All you could hear was a dull ringing. Your best friend, the love of your life–how could he just leave like that? You questioned the will of Eywa. How could she be so cruel to tear you both apart? Especially after your confession the other day? You wanted to curse and scream and cry all at once. However, you knew you had to be strong for Lo’ak.

You held Lo’ak’s body in silence. You were both in a catatonic state. An hour or so had passed since his initial confession. The atmosphere was serene, a heavy contrast from the dark storm brewing in both of your minds. This may be the last time you would ever get to hold Lo’ak like this and fully enjoy his presence. All of the years spent together slowly meshed in your mind as you tried to calm yourself down with memories of happier times. You honestly didn’t know how you could survive this life without your other half.

Lo’ak wasn’t faring any better than you. His continuous sniffles vibrated on your body. He barely looked up, wanting to savor the feeling of your bodies pressed together in such an intimate way. His mind was in a haze as he processed the situation. This wasn’t real life, it couldn’t be real life. His life was perfectly balanced with you. If Eywa sought to protect the balance of life, why would she take you away from him? Why would she take away Spider?

Tomorrow is never promised. That is a cruel lesson you learned today. It was probably best that you and Lo’ak head back to the village and sleep, but you didn’t want this night to end. You wanted to savor every last moment. Memorize every stripe on Lo’ak’s body, every green speck in his eyes, the way his eyebrows moved, and how his body felt right next to yours. How could you say goodbye to 14 years of memories in one night? It seemed impossible.

As you stared at the light reflecting off the pond, you knew there was one topic you had to broach. You weren’t sure if this was the right time, but it was the only chance you had. After all, Lo’ak only had one more day in the clan before his family set off to Eywa knows where. You knew the forest of Pandora held many clans, but you suspected his family would be going somewhere even further than that. You tried to calm the rapid pace of your heart, but your nerves refused to settle down. So, you sent a quick prayer to Ewya, turned to Lo’ak, and quietly said, “The other night, when I said I love you, why didn’t you say it back?”

You didn’t want to fight with Lo’ak–not on a night like this, where blood has been shed and a family has been torn from normalcy. But, you had to talk to Lo’ak about this. What if you never saw him again? You couldn’t live the rest of your life with unresolved feelings. It would drive you utterly insane and wreck your soul for as long as you live.

(Y/N)...”

“I’m being serious, Lo’ak. Why did not you say it back? I know this is the last thing on your mind right now, but you cannot leave me hanging. You owe me more than that and you know it,” you said with determination in your voice.

You then stood up. This was not a conversation you could have sitting down. The anxiety coursing through your veins made it impossible to sit still. Lo’ak followed your actions and stood up too.

“I was afraid,” he replied.

“Afraid of what Lo’ak? We have always been so honest with each other.” You thought you would always understand Lo’ak, but perhaps you were mistaken. You didn’t understand what there was to be afraid of. You both loved each other, shouldn’t that be enough? You failed to realize that love isn’t enough sometimes. There are forces beyond your control that make love unsustainable and out of your reach, despite how close you are to it. Eywa did not teach you this lesson. Lo’ak did.

Lo’ak was faced with two choices at this moment: he could confess his love to you or he could deny it. He so desperately wished he could choose the first choice. Something within him would not allow himself to whether it was because he was about to leave and he could not promise himself to you, or because he was so far deep in his inner turmoil. Lo’ak felt anger bubbling in his chest. This anger wasn’t directed towards you, but himself. He cursed his inability to allow himself to fully love you because of his internal issues. No, he justified the second choice in his mind with weak reasons as to why he could not confess his love.

If he said confessed, Lo’ak knew you would spend the rest of your days waiting for his return. If he ever returned. You deserved more than that. You deserved someone who could love you now. The prospect of you waiting for him, only for Lo’ak to stay the same Na’vi he was now, a version of himself that wasn’t proud of, haunted him. Yeah. Lo’ak framed his reasoning to focus on you, rather than himself because it made the harsh reality less painful. Damn the fact he was leaving, he would wait 100 years for you too if he confessed. The reality was Lo’ak could not confess his love because he couldn’t give his all to you, not when his judgment and self-worth were clouded by thoughts so dark that Eywa would be heartbroken to learn one of her children, whom she created with love and adoration, did not love himself.

Either way, he was about to break your heart for the second time within days.

“You are the other half of my soul and if there is any person who can understand me, it is you. But, I cannot love you. I’m sorry syulang.” There was a sorrowful look across Lo’ak’s face. Your body deflated at his words and the familiar sting of tears gathered in your eyes. He didn’t want to continue, but if was going to break your heart, you at least deserved a proper explanation.

“You are the most lovely and wonderful woman on this planet; the idea of you not being in my life hurts more than a palulukan attack. But I swear on my life to Eywa when I say this, but it is not you. It’s me. You have always been this positive being in my life, and I always hoped it would rub off on me and make me a better man. I thought, maybe if that ever happened, we could be together in the future. I would finally be worthy of all the love you have to offer. I am not good enough for you. I would only drag you down with the weight of my heavy problems,” Lo’ak finished.

“But it’s not your choice to decide who deserves me,” you let out with an exasperated tone. “How can you stand here in front of me and deny the bond we have? The love we have? The other day when I confessed that I see you and you ignored it, I brushed it off my shoulder because I was sure, with every fiber of my being, that you see me too. That you love me. But now you are leaving, and Eywa knows when the fuck you are coming back, and you can't even admit it out loud?” you questioned.

“Don’t you get it? I am not doing this because I want to deny the bond we have. I feel our bond every day from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. Even in my dreams, you are there. Your essence is built into the foundation of my bones. I just can’t love you. No good would come of it. I’m the clan’s outcast. Yes, we are best friends and we know each other like the back of our palms. But I won't let you carry the burden of my imperfectness,” Lo’ak choked with a sob at the end.

Without missing a beat, you tirade, “I think everything you are saying is complete bullshit. How could be absolute about something that has not been realized? We have spent the last 14 years together. I know you better than I know myself, Lo’ak. And I know you see me too, so what are you so afraid of? There is nothing that you could ever do that would scare me away from loving you. I love you for who you are–flaws and all. I notice everything about you, the good and the bad. I know you have feelings so big and nerve-wracking that you do not know how to handle them except by convincing yourself that they are true. But you cannot stand in my face and claim that this is for my own good. No, you are saying all this because you are too scared of the possibility that I might see through all that and decide that you are not worth the trouble, that every judgment the clan and your father says about you is right.”

You stepped a few feet away from Lo’ak and then turned towards the direction of the village. He hadn’t said a word since you finished your speech. Your entire back was facing Lo’ak until you turned your head over your shoulder to look back at him. The tears that pooled in your eyes began to flow like a sad waterfall that was dying, the tears slowly rolling down your stripped cheeks in an antagonizing matter. Your golden eyes stared into Lo’ak’s. He could see the hurt etched across your iris and he was sure his eyes looked just as pathetic and broken. It was a moment that would forever be engrained into Lo’ak’s memory. You opened your mouth and delivered the final blow to this already crestfallen night,

“Maybe I was wrong, maybe you don’t see me. Because if you truly did, you would know that I would not care about your weaknesses. I don’t even care about them now. I refuse to believe that you cannot love me too. You are a lot of things Lo’ak. A coward is not one of them. I’ll see you tomorrow to say goodbye.”

And at this moment, Lo’ak knew this was the biggest of all his fuck ups. He had managed to ruin a lot of good things and moments. Never knowing when the party is over and when the business began. When it came to you, his sweet tìyawn, Lo’ak never made any serious mistakes. So why was he doing it now? Lo’ak’s eyes burned as he stared at your figure walking away from him and the future you could’ve had together.

translations: eylan - friend, Olo’eyktan - male clan leader, tstxa'a - canalyd, kelku - home, palulukan - thanator, syulang - flower, loreyu - helocordian, skxawng - moron, Toruk Makto - toruk rider, Palulukun Makto - thanator rider, Tsahik - clan spiritual leader, Nga yawne lu oer - i love you, tsakarem - successor to the tsahik, ‘tewng - loincloth, nantang - viperwolf, paysyuls - water lily, eanean - blue plant, tanhi - bioluminescent freckle, uniltìranyu - dream walker, tìyawn - love

credits for dividers: leafs (x) green line (x)

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speckle-meow-meow · 1 year

Note

STOP YOU DID SO WELL!!!!!!!!!

I know this is a lot all of a sudden but you're my favorite writer writing about my favorite fandom!

But if you aren't busy at all, can we get Eddie and Frank being parents to an emotionless (something happened and now they don't show any emotions) teen reader who only seems to show emotions around Wally or butterflies?

Like how do you think they'd react?

Your fine! I honestly didn't expect people to like my content so soon lmao!!

It took me so long to fine a goddamn image with these to together holy cap.

Edit: I had an idea that readers emotionless would relate to abuse but I completely forgot abt it so no trigger warning I'm terribly sorry about that.

Eddie and frank felt that their house was always missing something

It felt so empty

Until one day

You came falling from the sky

Right next to eddie

You of course startled him but he soon gained his composer

He was surprised to see a child? (again to them your still a kid)

But he realized that you might have been hurt due to the fall so he carried you all the way to him and Franks residents

Since Frank has a vast knowledge of many things Eddie thought he could help you

But they don't really have a concept of fleshy bodies nor injuries at least not cuts or blood

Only bruises

But he did the best he could

It's been at least 3 days since they brought you to their place

They fixed up the guest bed room to be yours since they figured you didn't have a home

When you woke up you seemed so neutral

Definitely not normal

At least to them

They asked you questions and you answered with a monotone voice

They practically adopted you after a week of having you

You were the thing, or person that they've been needing

To fill that empty space

After month you were able to leave their home with or without them

But you usually stayed by their side choosing to

The first person to really see your emotions was Frank

He was in his butterfly dome and you joined him

Frank was studying a new butterfly that he had captured, after a while he started to hear soft giggling.

Soon the giggles turned into laughs of joy

Frank turned to see you well a form of you, you were covered head to toe in butterflies, laughing, smiling.

He's glad you were able to show emotions to at least something, he was also extatic to know that it was butterflies.

After a while you decided to join Eddie on his journey to deliver mail to the other residents and friends

You went to every house

The last one was the home of Wally darling

A small yellow man with blue puffy hair

Puffy hair that you couldn't resist to touch

You stared in awe of the blue haired man or puppet.

And wally noticed

"Well hello neighbor!" Wally said greeting you.

You didn't say anything only stared

You didn't even hear Eddie say to wally about you being emotionless and a bit mute

Before both of them knew it you were touching Wally's hair like it was a cat, making sure not to rough it up or destroy it.

Wally of course was surprised but chuckled and invited you into his home allowing Eddie to continue delivering mail.

Before Eddie left he told you he'd be back to pick you up.

You spent the rest of your day with Wally laughing and smiling. He became your uncle.

It's been 2 years now you still haven't seemed to age but you didn't mind

Your parents still haven't seen any emotions from you

Unless your with Wally or the butterflies

Which makes them sad

But you slowly show them emotions little by little which is definitely progress

Progress that they will cherish

{Thank you anon for requesting another fic! And I'm glad you liked the last one! And as always hearts and re-blogs are always welcomed along with requests and questions!}

#x reader #gender nuetral reader #fluff #welcome home x reader #platonic x reader #frank frankly #eddie dear #welcome home Frank #welcome home eddie #platonic wally darling #wally darling #welcome home wally #platonic #gn reader #teen!reader #emotionless reader

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valeriele3 · 2 months

Text

Fever Dream

Multiple Fandoms x GN!Reader Characters: Mao Isara, Trey Clover, Kaedehara Kazuha, Shikanoin Heizou, Ritsu Sakuma Warnings: Besides cringe and bad grammar, nothing

This is currently incomplete and only contains Mao! I will edit in the other parts when it releases. I’m so sorry for the wrong tags

There you lay on your bed, tired and quite clearly sick.

You felt utterly terrible, but it'll all go away with a bit of sleep, right?

And so, that's what you did. You close your eyes and let the oncoming sleepiness take you to dreamland.

While sleeping, you sense a figure looming over you.

Which you would normally ignore had you been staying at your parents' house, but guess what? You weren't there right now. You were currently staying at your apartment, which you certainly didn't share with anyone.

Quickly stirring awake, you grab the lapel of the intruder's clothes, put your arm near the armpit, and throw them over.

You were about to bash their head in with the nearby book you had, but you paused when you heard them groan in pain.

'That voice sounds familiar..' you thought, and upon looking much closer to the intruder, you see Mao Isara on the ground.

Hold up, MAO ISARA?!?! THAT MAO ISARA?!?

That didn't make any sense; Mao wasn't real; he's a fictional character!

'What if he's a robber in a cosplay!?' The thought was absurd, but hey, the current situation itself was absurd.

You were pulled away from your thoughts by the sudden voice that entered the space.

"Oww..What'd you hit me for..? That hurt" The robber cosplayer mumbled

You observed the man once more and finally noticed how your surroundings were different.

This room wasn't your bedroom; hell, this place wasn't even your apartment!

So that means that this intruder didn't just invade your home but also kidnapped you while you were asleep!

"-ello? Y/N? Are you alright?"

"You aren't sick, are you?" The man puts the back of his palm to your forehead.

"Geez! You're burning up! C'mon, let's get you to your room." The man hurriedly ushers you to what you now presume to be your bedroom.

Why did you just let the man basically drag you to your "bedroom" without putting up a fight? You honestly don't know yourself, but what you do know is that you're feeling ill. Very ill

After laying you down, the man rushed to get some medicine and, apparently, soup.

Hearing the bedroom door shut seemed to shake you out of your stupor.

You then begin to assess the situation.

'Alright, so the last thing I remember doing is falling asleep in bed. Then I suddenly awoke in this mysterious house. apartment? dorm? and, uh, a weird kidnapper who likes to cosplay."

‘I could probably escape through the window, but seeing how high up this place is, I would definitely break my legs, which isn’t ideal if I want to escape. The front door is out of the question too; I don’t even know the layout of this place, and it could be locked, hello neighbor basement door style.”

After realizing that you were basically not figuring anything out, you decide to look around the room.

The bedside table had a lamp, a clock, a picture frame, and a tumbler filled with cold water inside.

The walls were painted in f/c, and the decor was something you had only dreamt of having. Things that you wanted to buy but couldn't because of your budget.

'Let's see... a closet full of clothes that are quite fashionable, if I do say so myself." These clothes were definitely your size and fit your personal tastes. It seems the kidnapper did his research.

'Wait a minute. Did I just see a picture frame earlier? 'You quickly look around the room once more until your eyes land on the frame placed atop the bedside table.

You quickly grab it, and to your surprise, there in the frame was a picture of you with Ritsu Sakuma and Mao Isara. Two of your favorite characters in the game Ensemble Stars

Hooray! It looks like you got isekai’d in an alternate universe where you live in the Enstars world.

A knock on the door catches your attention.

It seems that Mao finished making the soup.

“Ahem..Come in! ”

The door swings open, revealing the maroon-haired man holding a bowl of soup, a glass of water, and a pack of medicine.

“Here. Eat it while it’s still hot.” He places the items on your nightstand.

Still refusing to believe you got isekai’d in the Enstars world..you suspiciously look at the soup.

“Why’re you just staring at it? ”

“C’mere, sit.” He forces you to sit on the bed and grabs your ✨✨epic gamer chair✨✨.

He grabs the spoon and scoops out some soup, then blows on it to cool it down.

He then puts the spoon near your lips, signaling you to open them.

It seems that Mao Isara will be spoon-feeding you today. That’s one thing you never expected to happen.

“I’m not hungry, I—” Like a cliche scene in some drama or anime, your stomach growls, betraying what you had just said.

“Pfft.” He struggles to stop his laughter, but it soon fails, leading him to burst out in laughter.

He scoops some up again, cools it down, and puts it on your lips. This time, you allow yourself to open your mouth and swallow the soup.

He chuckles,

“What? Why’re you laughing?? ”

“It’s just... it really boosts my confidence whenever you eat my cooking, y’know? That sparkle in your eyes tells me that you enjoy it.”

“W-Well, it is delicious..So..ugh..just feed me more, please..I’m hungry.”

Mao chuckles, “Alright~ say ahh~”

You close your eyes and open your mouth

When you reopen them again, instead of “your room” and Mao in front of you you’re greeted with the sight of Trey Clover spoon feeding you

“Hm? What’s wrong? Is it still too hot?” He blows on the soup before attempting to spoon feed it to you again

“T-Trey?!!”

“Yes?”

“You’re Trey, like..Trey Clover!?”

“Uhm, yes, that’s me. Trey Clover” He seems surprised by your sudden change of..Mood? You assume

Part 1 ends here! Other parts will hopefully be released soon <3

.ೃ࿐Reblogs are highly appreciated! ^^

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writergracethepanda · 4 days

Text

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥 Secret Shanghai Edition

the character everyone gets wrong

Marshall. He is canonically an excellent cook, s why are we convinced he'd set something on fire if left alone in the kitchen?

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

no comment

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I have seen Alisa and Phoebe shipped (let aroace people live and bisexuals are still bisexual even in a seemingly hetero relationship) or those takes I've seen on TikTok of people shipping Rosalind and Benedikt and Celia and Marshall if I weren't on my computer I would put sooooo many barf emojis here

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

luckily nothing yet I believe

worst discord server and why

mine with my friends its sooo annoying how we have incredibly amazing and intelligent and sometimes incoherent conversations like guys we're the worst (sarcasm)

which ship fans are the most annoying?

like I said, anyone who ships the above things needs to stay 10 feet away from me at all times and undergo intense media literacy training

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I think everyone's answer for this is Oliver. I'm so sorry we (especially me tbh) did you so dirty pre fhh I promise we've learnt our lesson!

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Oliver loves cats. incorrect. Cats are his entire life. there is a difference, and we need to recognize it.

worst part of canon

roma and Alisa's dad just disappeared before I could beat him up

worst part of fanon

we're too funny my stomach literally hurts from laughing too hard sometimes. Seriously though, the above ship takes that make my blood boil, as well as some complaints about how a lot of us talk about how we think certain characters are neurodivergent/disabled. While I think some of those are actually considered canon, I don't understand why people are so made that we (a relatively neurospicy bunch) are identifying the parts of characters we relate to and labeling them. We're doing you no harm and not interfering with your ability to enjoy the characters. Shouldn't it be a good thing that we're able to identify with the characters? Just mind your business. (also anyone who erases Rosalind's and Alisa's aroaceness that is indeed canon and I hope both sides of your pillow are too warm)

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

I don't think any

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I don't think anyone hates these guys, but why don't we ever talk about the couple from LVC? They were so sweet, and I'm kind of sad we didn't get any mention of them in FHH.

worst blorboficiation

I feel like a bad Tumblr user, but I don't know what this means. is this like uwu-ification?

that one thing you see in fics all the time

@typingwithmyhandstied 's GENIUS

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

Juliette always has the appropriate amount of knives thank you very much for that guys :)

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I personally don't get into the Rosalind is a vampire thing, but I'm cheering you guys on from afar (im just not into vampires lol)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

idk I should probably work on my university au

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

the fact that not only did she feel comfortable falling asleep around Orion (see one of @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist 's recent posts) but Rosalind was also muttering in French in that scene. Her dominant language. She was both out of it enough/comfortable enough with him that she dropped the I was raised in American fake accent and just started speaking normally in this essay I will- basically we need to talk more about the use of multilingualism in the ss books

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

past me would be horrified to know that I like Oliver now

part of canon you found tedious or boring

I think TVD can be a bit boring sometimes, but that makes sense, since it was Chloe's debut, and she's grown immensely since then

part of canon you think is overhyped

the seagreen trio is overrated (they are literally my favorite characters)

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

THE MULTILIGUALISM

ship you've unwillingly come around to

Olivercelia. Like I said, I was his strongest hater pre fhh. Now I see what she clearly sees in him.

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

discourse on ss Tumblr is mostly joking. my personal favorite is when @marsneedstherapy and I pretend to yell at each other in different languages

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"no one appreciates x enough" I do. I love them.

#enjoy this took me all afternoon #chloe gong #secret shanghai #foul lady fortune #foul heart huntsman #writergracethepanda #these violent delights #our violent ends

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akirawrites24 · 1 year

Note

Hi!

Could I please get some Yusuke Kitagawa x F!Reader smut? Perhaps where the reader has been trying to drop hints that she wants to fuck but bro is completely oblivious until she literally pins him down and says "I need you to fuck me, Yusuke!"

Feel free to ignore, but thanks for reading my ask! 💙

Ooh boy-

Letting you know that it has been an extremely long while since I've written smut. Hopefully you enjoy it!

Warnings: smut, loss of virginity (Yusuke), minor spoiler for 2nd palace, protection, Vaginal fingering, handjobs, making sure of consent

Pairing: Yusuke Kitagawa x Female!Reader

An edit: I only saw now that you asked to pin him down-Im so sorry I only noticed when this piece was finished. Hope you are still happy with the result though!

Fandom: Persona 5

_______

If there is one thing to describe Yusuke, it would be: not understanding stuff.

Like, really. He never understood that he can't follow people around to ask them to be a model, and a nude model for that matter. He also doesn't understand that his fellow Phantom Thief ally and girlfriend wants to have sex with him unless it is being said.

What was she supposed to do more? It was obvious, but also this is something Yusuke doesn't understand.

One time, she literally send him a text with: I want you. But the only thing he replied with was:

Yusuke: Want me to do what? You want to go to mementos? I can ask our leader if we can go today.

So yeah, that already didn't work. So, what did [Name] think next? She once stood naked in front of him while sitting on the bed.

"Oh, I didn't know you wanted me to paint you nude! I didn't know how to ask you as the last time I did that, it didn't go well", was what Yusuke had said.

Time for attempt number 3! She asked him what he thought about having sex with her. You would think he would finally get it right?

Wrong.

"I don't have any experience in the matter. I don't have an opinion on it. I have been locked away from the world most of the time, remember? Neither did I have any desire to do so. Why did you ask?"

Oh, so THAT is why he never picked up the hints. It makes [Name] even wonder if he ever got educated on the matter. He most likely did, but didn't think much of it. It's like he said, he barely talked to people thanks to Madarame, the bastard who only used him for his art.

"Because I really want to take our relationship to the next level", his girlfriend said. And once again, he still didn't understand where she was going.

"You mean like, moving in together? I must give you my apologies, but I think we are a little bit too young for that? I don't even think we legally-"

He didn't even got to finish his sentence before he was being kissed on the lips. He kissed her back of course, even if he was startled. They sometimes kiss like normal couples do, but never ever kissed with the tongue.

Well, he didn't. [Name] went for the first move as clearly wouldn't get what she would want.

That doesn't mean he didn't enjoy it, but he sure didn't really know what to do after.

"No, my lovely fool. I want to have sex with you, if that is okay with you. I have been dropping hints, but you didn't really understand them", she said while smiling softly at him.

He was confused a bit, still coming down from the surprise of tongue kissing. 5 seconds later is when he finally understood. He even grew red in the face a bit.

"O-Oh…I am sorry that I never noticed! How can I be a good partner for you if I do not know what my muse wants-"

"No, no, no. Don't be like that. You can't blame yourself for something you didn't know", she said while cupping his cheek in her hand. He is such a fool sometimes, but that is one of the things she likes about him.

He then proceeded to hold her own hand, being happy that she didn't mind such a mistake. Mistakes are made, it is fine.

"Then allow me to make it up to you by making love to you", he said, with full confidence. Well, still in that smooth voice of his but there was a confidence in that. Now it was [Name]'s turn to be caught of guard.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressured by it purely because I asked you to and you didn't know… Are you sure you want this?", She said, looking him in the eyes.

Yusuke nodded, a hint of pink on his cheeks. It is adorable, really.

"But I'd like to request you helping me out, as I told you earlier, I have no idea of what to do and make it feel good for you", he said.

"Of course, I would love too"

_______

As of right now, they are in the bed, naked. All the necessary equipment is with them. They also have removed all their clothes, except for their underwear that is.

"Let's take it slow okay?", she said, to which he agreed too.

They started to kiss with the tongue for a while, until she went to kiss his neck. Yusuke was moaning softly, figuring out that he should do the same thing with her.

They both enjoyed it for sure, and did so for three minutes.

"Do I have permission to go lower?" , [Name] was clearly caught more off guard when Yusuke was the one that suggested it. She didn't think he would be so straightforward as this would be his first time.

That didn't stop her from answering though. "Yes, you have permission to go lower", she said while looking lovingly at him.

Once he was sure, she went to kiss her breasts, admiring everything about her. He never got to see it up close, only seeing it when she volunteered to do nude paintings.

She held his hair, encouraging him to go further. She had no desire in stopping him, and it would appear that he doesn't have the desire to stop either.

She could feel herself getting more wet every time he asked her for permission to go further and to touch and kiss her there. It made her even think if he really was a virgin.

The truth is, in the time they were preparing everything to do this, he was researching on how to make it feel good for the both of them. And he is happy that he did, now knowing what to expect of it.

"Would it be okay if I would pleasure your clitoris?", He asked her. In that deep voice of his, what can a girl do then only blush? She once again gave her consent to it, and he took her panties off, exposing her vagina.

He added some pressure on it, making her eyes flicker. He took that as a sign to go further, rubbing it gently.

He could feel himself getting hard when she did, and he had the urge to touch himself down there as well.

"Let me, let me return the favor", [Name] said as she pointed at his erection.

"If you want to", was the only thing he said before she took off his boxers and gently started to rub him, being careful. This was his first time after all.

Immediately, he moaned a little. He was aware that this would feel good, but not THIS good. If anything, he already felt like he was losing himself.

The room was filled with soft moans from the two, feeling pleasure from one another. And this went on for a few minutes at best.

"Should I finger you? It's part of intercourse, right?", Yusuke said. He clearly got needy and wanted to go to the next phase already. And who was she to deny it?

She nodded and took her panties off, which were completely drenched already. Yusuke knew this was natural and that it would be easier to access her.

She laid down and stopped rubbing him while spreading her legs, giving him easy access. She nodded, giving permission again.

Slowly but carefully, he put a finger in her. After he had to search for the right hole that is. It was a little funny.

Immediately she moaned and arched her back while gripping the sheets. It would look like she is enjoying herself a lot. He understood that and slowly thrusted his finger in and out of her.

If anything, he gets more turned on by the looks of it. He really should have noticed the signs sooner, he wanted to make her happy after all.

Seeing how good it felt for her, he decided to enter another finger, scissoring them to get her more stretched out. And at her reaction, it looks like she enjoys that a lot.

He kept pumping them in and out, while also paying attention to her clit. He could feel her tighten up a little, what he thinks means she is going to reach her climax soon.

"Wait, stop", she said, making him stop immediately and looking at her.

"Did I do something wrong? I'm so sorry if-"

She just reached up and kissed him while shaking her head.

"You didn't do anything wrong, trust me. I just wanna finish with you", she said while catching her breath.

He tried his best to understand it, and luckily he did.

"Bare with me, I don't have experience in this…", he said as she placed himself between her legs and grabbed a condom together with some lube.

She helped him with everything, as she is more experienced in the matter. She made that very obvious.

After putting the condom on and lubricating both of them, she guided him in her vagina.

He gripped the sheets himself, not used to this at all. "So t-tight..!", He hissed out. Yet he didn't complain about it. How pleasurable that it felt! Now he really wishes he saw her hints sooner.

[Name] herself was arching her back, feeling him pushing into her until he was all the way in. And they stayed like this for a while, having to get used to each other.

If anything, it looked like Yusuke was holding himself back not to thrust. It was obvious that he waited for her sign to move.

"It's okay, you can move now", she whispered, and moaned when he started to move a little. Most likely experimenting with what they both like.

"My muse..I wanna go faster…Please, can I?", He said, trying to hold himself back. If he knew that sex would be this good, he would have wondered about it much earlier.

"Go as fast as she can, I want to feel all of you!", She moaned, completely loving this feeling. She has been craving for this for so long, and now she finally has it.

He didn't had to be told twice as she practically pounded in her, totally forgetting how to make it feel good for her too and is just letting himself go. But she didn't complain, this is what she wanted after all.

"It feels so good..I'm so sorry that I didn't understand it, I wish we could have done this sooner!", he groaned out, losing himself in the pleasure.

If she wanted to say something, she wouldn't have been able to with the amount of pleasure she is getting. For someone who was a virgin 2 minutes ago, he is a natural at this. Hitting her in just the right places.

He knew it too that he was doing things right, especially as he could feel her tighten up. He knew that this meant she was close to her orgasm again.

He was close too, but he wanted to make her feel even more good. He rubbed her clit once more and and it did enough for her to cum on his dick. At the same time, he climaxed in the condom while breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath.

"I'm gonna pull out now..", he said as he then undid the condom and threw it in the garbage.

"I love you, don't forget that", she said as she grabbed his hand and pulled him in the bed, wanting to be close to him.

He chuckled and stroke her hair.

"I love you too"

#yusuke kitawaga #smut warning #yusuke kitagawa x reader #yusuke #yusuke x reader #female reader #readerinsert #persona 5 #persona 5 smut #yusuke smut

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goodluckdetective · 4 months

Text

FIC: FIVE HOURS (Tumblr Edition)

Ship: Durge/Astarion but this is a fic about Astarion

Fandom: BG3

Warnings: Astarion backstory is referenced in passing

Rating: PG-13

AO3

Summary:

Being controlled by one’s dark urge is hard, but watching someone you care for lose themselves might be harder. Or Astarion and five hours spent watching over someone he can no longer recognize. (How do you keep hating yourself as a monster when you've started to fall for one?)

Notes:

Hello, I took one look at vampire man and Durge and went “ah yes, the drama of falling in love with someone who sees themselves as a monster.” This fic does have a custom dark urge/durge because I don’t think it hits as hard otherwise, but it’s very much a fic about Astarion. Rune in this piece is me holding up a mirror and going “if you’re gonna to see the humanity in this person, then why do you refuse to do it for yourself” while Astarion hisses like a cat. Sorry bud, get perceived. All you need to know about Rune is that they’re a NB human wild magic sorcerer (they/them) A big thanks to @dykezambo and Rose for being my beta readers. I salute you.

Fic is below the cut

HOUR ONE:

Astarion thinks it might still be some sort of sick prank until Rune Tavernus’ eyes roll up into the back of their head and they collapse to the ground in a heap.

A prank would make more sense than this, Astarion thinks, as he scrambles onto his feet and towards the unconscious sorcerer. Rune wasn’t much of a prankster, but they did have some wit and a streak of dark humor to match. What the point would be of a prank like this was beyond Astarion, but in his head he can manufacture a bizarre scenario where Rune thinks it would be funny to give Astarion a taste of his own medicine with a sinister wake-up call. And yes, the whole explanation of “killing the one they cared most for” didn't fit the prank theory, Rune wouldn’t play with his feelings so brazenly, but when one's occasional bedmate starts rambling about being forced to kill you, a cruel trick tends to be a kinder explanation.

And then Rune passed out and that idea had gone out the metaphorical window.

“Shit,” Astarion says, pressing his palm to their forehead. Rune runs warm to Astarion, almost everyone does, but they feel clammy to the touch. Their short white hair is almost damp with sweat and sticks to their forehead. He shakes them, once, then twice, calling their name with increasing volume, but they don’t stir. That in itself is alarming; Rune is not a deep sleeper. In fact, they’re known for sleeping poorly, waking up from unremembered dreams with a choked-off scream. Every morning they chug whatever caffeinated beverage Halsin brews as soon as it’s cool enough not to burn their tongue.

Rune doesn’t rouse even after a minute of shaking. Astarion considers waking Shadowheart, but the whole business with Alfira gives him enough pause to instead first go for the rope in his pack. Rune had been back to normal by morning when she was slain; if this is similar, then Astarion would just have to wait until dawn for a full explanation. With a great deal of effort on his part, he drags Rune to an open bedroll closest to the fire and binds their arms together as well as their legs, feeling somewhat like out of body.

(He tries hard to not think of a pig prepared for slaughter. He tries harder to not think about how Cazador might have tied up the people he brought home the very same way.)

“You know, this was not the situation I was envisioning when the idea of you and rope came to mind,” he says, because making a flirty joke is familiar and Gods knows he needs something familiar right now. This is a situation he can handle better as Astarion the rake, who lets nothing get too close, who brushes off mortal peril with a quick comment and a fake grin. When he’s sure the ropes are tight, he walks over to his bedroll, and grabs a blanket to sit on, a light scroll, a book, and after some hesitation, his daggers.

(He’s not going to need them, he isn’t. Rune gave him these daggers and told him to “keep them as sharp as your fangs” should he choose to use them.)

(He desperately hopes he’s not going to need them).

Once his supplies are grabbed and organized, he places the blanket on the ground and sits on it. He casts light on a nearby wilted plant, and sits back. He looks at the sorcerer he has bedded in a gambit for security and thinks about how said gambit turned on its head when he found he actually rather liked the person who offered to cast him minor illusion to see his own reflection and provided their blood in a land of shadows because “you shouldn’t starve.”

“I will admit this isn’t how I wanted to spend my evening, but I suppose I’ll survive.” He reaches for his book and opens it, even though he doubts he’s going to be able to focus enough to read a word. “Hopefully, this is all a false alarm, and I can simply catch up on this chapter. Do you think the Count will actually manage to make any progress in his grand plan, or is he going to keep dithering about Waterdeep for another thirty pages?”

(The book was also a gift from Rune, though it was not the first one the sorcerer gave him. A day after reaching the Blighted Village, Astarion had sneaked back from his midnight meal to find the human grumbling over a slightly burnt text near the fire. Hoping to distract them from the fact he was awake in the first place, Astarion had inquired about the books’ contents, only to find himself the audience for a tirade about overly complicated murder plots. Apparently, Rune had strong opinions on the accuracy of snakes climbing ropes. From that point on, Astarion had found himself part of the world’s strangest murder mystery book club, where the pair both tried to guess how the murder took place and then endlessly complained about how overcomplicated it was when stabbing them in an alley would work just fine).

Rune does not reply. Astarion doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Instead of debating it further, he instead tries to turn his attention to the text in front of him, and hopes that Rune is wrong and the only thing that will occur this night is Astarion getting some reading in and Rune waking up with some neck pain.

HOUR TWO:

Rune wakes up around ten minutes after the first hour mark.

That isn’t quite correct. Something wakes up around the ten minute mark. It is not Rune.

Astarion knows it before they even open their mouth. From the moment they wake up, they struggle against their own bindings, jerking much like a wounded animal caught in a trap. When their eyes open, there are none of the emotions he’s used to seeing in their expression, instead an empty raw look that reminds Astarion of a starving hound. Before he can say a word, they snarl at him.

“I see my rope is sadly going to good use,” Astarion says, putting the book aside and getting on his knees in case he needs to stand and get away. He doubts it, those knots should hold and Rune doesn’t seem to be capable of casting spells at the moment, but it's best to be cautious.

“I will rip out your tongue and swallow it whole,” Rune says in a voice that does not sound like Rune at all. It’s a whole octave lower, and there’s a throaty edge to it, like the human has inhaled smoke.

“I know I tease quite a bit, but ripping out my tongue is rather excessive, don’t you think?” The banter doesn’t land, it’s almost like Rune can’t even hear him. Astarion wonders if they will even remember this in the morning.

He hopes not. He can remember watching his body follow Cazador’s every order as he tried desperately to claw back control. It is a fate he would not wish on any of his companions.

It occurs to him that this could be like a possession. It would make the most sense, and the impulse to wake up Shadowheart returns. Rune hisses and snaps forward, trying to bite one of his hands and Astarion steps back. He can see drool and blood from their now broken lip fall onto the bedroll.

( He can see himself in a coffin, snapping at the rat Cazador is holding out for him with a wicked smile .)

No, he won’t wake her. Not yet at least, not unless morning comes without a respite. Instead he shakes his head, tries to keep his voice light.

“Ah, ah, ah, we ask before we bite.”

Rune snaps at him again, struggling at the bindings and Astarion can smell the blood from broken skin on their wrists and lip. His own mouth waters and he ignores it.

If there is one thing he learned in Cazador’s halls, it was how to be hungry.

HOUR THREE:

After an hour, the thing that has taken Rune’s face stops threatening to murder him and starts growling instead. Despite it being off-putting, Astarion is thankful for the respite, as all the comments about ways to display his internal organs were getting old.

“You’re cute, you know.,” he says, too tired to think through what he’s saying. “In another life we might have been friends.”

It’s an odd thought that comes to mind, the concept of him meeting whatever this is back when he was under Cazador’s boot. What would he make of someone like this, who growled murderous insults and clawed at the ground as if the dirt could draw blood? Interesting perhaps? Maybe pitiful? An asset against Cazador?

(He knows what he would have done. He would have dragged them back to the manor and not had a second thought as soon as Cazador had them in his clutches. He would have gone back to the rooms and thought nothing more of a human with white hair, a lanky build and a soft smile. He would have continued on and not known that should he have met that same human during the day, they would ask him about the embroidery on his sleeves and tease him that magistrates were actually in contact with the hells. He would not even know the human’s name when the sun rose to a world they no longer occupied).

(He cannot think about this. He refuses).

He feels like he’s going to be sick.

“On second thought,” he says, looking away from Rune. The shadow lands around them seem darker at night. He finds himself desperate for the sun. “It’s probably for the best that we didn't meet at all.”

The thing that is not Rune growls again, with more energy this time.

“Growl all you want but it won’t stop the dawn. This will be over soon.”

HOUR FOUR:

Whatever is controlling Rune goes back to insults eventually, though their voice frayed from all the growling. Astarion ignores most of them, until one in particular captures his attention.

“I will wed you with a delicate veil of blood blooming over your white curls.”

Astarion stares at Rune, or whatever is possessing them, with a rather shocked expression. It says something about his life, or undeath, he supposes, that the word “wed” is the one that caught him off guard in that sentence, not the rest of it. Marriage is not a concept he has thought about in relationship to himself for at least a century. When he was younger it had its allure, Astarion was serious when he said Wyll was the type of man he dreamed of marrying when he was thirteen, but now? He’s a spawn, for Gods sake. Creatures like him either die or become vampire lords: there are no other endings.

He does not say any of this out loud. Instead he goes for a quip.

“Marriage? Darling, I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, we’re not even-“

He cuts off. They’re not even what? More than bedmates? That’s not right: he hasn’t bedded Rune since they entered the shadowlands and Rune has made no complaint about it at all. Not even friends? That didn’t seem right either. He’s not sure how to label how he feels about this human, but when one offers to draw your scars in the dirt so you can see them and you actually let them, you were probably at least friends. Exclusive? No, that also doesn’t fit. Astarion hasn’t bothered to lie with anyone else in camp and Rune hasn’t either, even when Astarion made it clear he didn’t mind. And it wasn’t like Rune didn’t have options to pick from: Lae’Zel’s proposal had been quite direct and Astarion had bit the inside of his cheek to not laugh as their usually composed sorcerer flushed peach pink. Gale had made an attempt as well, though Rune didn’t tell him about that one until afterwards.

“I’ve spoiled you too much for even the lover of a Goddess. How flattering!” They were in Rune’s tent at the time, a mage light cast upon a blue crystal Rune kept around for decor. It was one of the few pieces of decoration they kept around consistently, as the human tended to switch things out, trying to figure out what they liked and what they didn’t from the ruins of their memory. Rune had returned from a talk with Gale with a moderate flush and after a glass of terrible wine and some cajoling, Astarion had gotten the whole story out of them.

Rune tilted their head and shook it slightly. Their hair was rumpled from a day of casting electricity magic, and Astarion resisted the urge to curl his fingers into one of the white cowlicks. Something about the lack of polish Astarion found endearing.

“No, no, not that,” they said. “It’s just, well for one, I don’t like him like that. And even if I did, well-” Rune took a sip of their wine, finishing off the glass. “His last relationship wasn’t good for him-”

“Darling, you cannot kill the Goddess of magic,” Astarion said, noticing a hard glint in their eyes. It wasn’t like Astarion was on board with the idea as a concept, the Goddess sounded dreadful, but he rather liked existing and fighting Gods was a speedy way to die. He didn’t mind Rune’s more violent tendencies, but he’d rather they not get themselves smited.

“Anyway-” Rune continued, ignoring him. “He’s a sweet man but, well.” They placed the glass on a wooden stump Rune used as a side table and tangled their fingers together. It was something they did when they were being thoughtful. “Gale seems to admire me too much for his own good. I’d ruin him.”

That was not the answer Astarion was expecting. He sat up on his own bedroll, a feeling of apprehension coming over him.

“And what, you think I’m-” Already ruined? That stung more than Astarion cared to admit, even if it wasn’t surprising. He didn’t finish his sentence. He couldn’t. Saying it out loud made it seem too concrete, too physical, too noticeable.

"What! No!” Rune’s eyes grew large and they shook their head violently. They tore their left hand from their right to gesture with and for a moment, Astarion feared for the fate of the wine glass on the table should they accidentally knock it off. With their right hand, they reached out and grabbed Astarion’s hand tightly, while their left reached out for his jaw, pausing a moment so he could turn away should the touch be unwanted. Astarion didn’t protest, and Rune’s hand touched his chin briefly to tilt his head up so he’d meet their eyes. “No, absolutely not. Shit, I could have phrased that better. Gods, no, Astarion, I didn’t mean it that way.”

"And in what way could you mean it?” The sneer in Astarion’s voice wasn’t intentional, but it was better than sounding hurt.

Rune bit their lower lip, which was something Astarion often found adorable when he was in a better mood. They looked away from him, took a steadying breath, then looked back. “I’d ruin Gale because he’s a hopeless romantic. He’s sweet, but he has a nasty habit of hubris; if faced with an unstoppable problem, he’d burn himself alive to fix it. I’m not saying you’re not smart, or romantic-“

“Or beautiful, don’t forget beautiful.”

Rune chuckled, some tension leaving their shoulders. “That too, as well as quite vain.” Astarion pouted at the addendum but let the sorcerer finish. “I’m saying you’re smart enough to run away.”

Astarion considered that for a moment. It was certainly better than what he’d originally thought, but he wasn’t quite sure if it was a compliment. What was that supposed to mean? “Are you calling me a coward now?”

Rune smiled, a little sad, and rubbed their thumb across the back of his hand. It was unfamiliar but nice. “No, no, more realistic .” They leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, something they’d previously only done after sex. “I just know you’ll be safe, that’s all. That you wouldn’t hurt yourself for a hopeless cause.”

Rune jerks again in their sleep, snapping Astarion out of the memory. Thinks of resignation in the sorcerer's eyes that night, how something about it ached. How familiar the sentiment felt.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Astarion says as the sorcerer spits out another cruel insult.

He’s shocked to find that he means it.

HOUR FIVE

Astarion has spent much of life afraid, but he has never been so frightened when the dawn is an hour away and Rune has not stopped twitching.

He thought he was done with this, the idea of caring for others. After the year in the darkness, he’d swore to never care about anyone again except himself because caring was a luxury and he couldn’t even afford to buy new clothes. The tadpole has given him more freedom than he’s had in centuries but as long as Cazador was alive, caring was supposed to be off the table.

And yet. And yet.

Astarion intended for Rune to be a means to an end. Someone to wind around his finger like an armor against the world. But Astarion does not find himself panicking when his armor is dented or bruised. Astarion does not spend more time with his armor than necessary so it will not be lonely. Astarion does not worry that should his armor learn it was initially a means to an end of keeping him safe, it will never trust him again.

(This metaphor is rubbish, this Astarion knows. Watching someone you care for deeply scrape their wrists raw makes one less adept in turns of phrases).

For the first time all night, Rune whimpers, a small soft noise that would have frozen Astarion’s heart if it was still beating. Rune doesn’t whimper (well, not unless it was in the fun sort of way). They’re reluctant to show weakness or accept the comfort they so freely give to others. For them to sound like this-

Astarion reaches forward and when the human doesn't try to bite him, he pushes their white hair back and out of their eyes. They were drenched in sweat, and still clammy. Before he can pull away, they lean into his hand with a sigh, seeking comfort from frozen hands, and Astarion feels his throat tighten.

“This thing can’t have you,” he says, running his thumb against their forehead wrinkles and a faded scar just over their right eyebrow. They are so covered in scars, and each day they risk gaining even more. “It won’t win.”

Rune doesn’t respond to his statement, instead breathing softly. They must have finally worn themselves out to fall asleep. Astarion considers pulling his hand back, he probably should given the threat were they to wake up again, but he finds himself reluctant to do so, instead continuing to gently stroke the sorcerer’s brow with his thumb.

“You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” He whisperes. The birds were starting to chirp now, singing their song in anticipation of the sunrise. “Come back to yourself, and I’ll consider telling you. I think that’s a fair bargain.”

DAYBREAK:

Day comes and Rune returns with it.

They don’t open their eyes right away, tense and still. Astarion can see them rub their hands together and they stiffen further when the sorcerer’s thumb runs across some dried blood on their palm. He doesn’t understand why until the corner of their eyes tighten and they suck in a short breath, a whisper of a sob on the precipice.

Rune told the entire camp that when Alfira died, they’d woken up in the morning with their hands covered in blood. For them to wake up and find the same sensation present-

“It’s your own blood, darling,” Astarion says, reaching forward to place his hand on their shoulder. Their eyes open wide, and they take him in with a look that Astarion feels like he might be able to name if he lived a kinder existence. “You rubbed your wrists raw enough to bleed, I’m afraid.”

“Astarion,” they said, lips parting, some tension melting from their frame. “You’re alright.” Then, they flinch, pain crossing their features. “Ow, my neck.”

Astarion almost wants to cry at the complaint. “You might have strained it trying to bite me. Do you remember that?”

Given the sudden look of horror on Rune’s expression, they do now.

Rune explains what they can after Astarion unties them. Most of it are things Astarion already knows; Alfira, the urges, the loss of sleep. The insight about Isobel and the butler is a new one, and he thinks back to the cape in his tent that Rune had shoved onto him like they couldn’t get rid of it fast enough. At the time, Astarion thought the gift was an attempt to curry his favor. He’s not sure how to view the gift with this new context.

“I was wondering why you didn’t want to spend much time enjoying Harper's hospitality,” Astarion muses. He watches as Rune rubs their wrists with their palms, trying to massage out the aches. They will need to see a healer for certain; Astarion knows they’ve been dabbling in the bardic arts but not enough to heal injuries.

“I thought I couldn’t risk it,” Rune says, moving to pick up the rope. Astarion watches as they cast mending and then pull at each end. When the rope holds firm, they hand it back to Astarion. “I thought the less time I spent around there, the less likely I might slip up.”

“If you’d shared that earlier, I would have grumbled less about the horrors of the great outdoors.”

Rune shoots him an apologetic frown. “I thought telling Isobel would be enough. I never thought-“ They close their eyes briefly and sigh. “I should have considered it a possibility. I’m sorry.” When they open their eyes again, Astarion does not miss how they take a step away from him. They look towards the other tents, avoiding his gaze.

“I should tell the others.”

Astarion reaches forward and grabs their wrist. They pull back for a moment and Astarion loosens his grip to make it clear that’s an option, if they want it. But after a second passes and they don’t pull away, he pulls their hand up to inspect the rope burns and cuts. Their wrists are going to bruise a sickening greenish-yellow.

“You don’t have to tell them if you don’t want.” Astarion says, dropping their wrist. He forces a smile, makes sure his fangs are visible. “I can keep a secret.”

Rune’s hand reaches forward and up, like they are going to touch Astarions face, then stops, dropping arruptly. Astarion finds himself disappointed by the lack of contact. How strange.

“I know you can,” they said. “But they deserve to know that there’s a danger. I can’t hide a monster from everyone.” And with that they head off towards Lae’Zel’s tent, to start gathering everyone for an unpleasant announcement.

It takes Astarion a moment to realize the “monster” they’re talking about is Rune themselves.

*******************

Rune tells everyone about the night once everyone is up, gathering everyone around the remains of the fire. For someone who might not have slept more than an hour last night, they’re relatively composed as they tell the story, though they don’t look anyone in the eye as is their usual habit. As the tale begins to wind down, Astarion is reluctant to look at their companions either.

It occurs to Astarion halfway through Rune’s tale something that he should have realized much earlier: he might be content to camp with a sleeping murderer, but other people might object. In fact, most people might protest to such a situation, and he can feel himself grow colder as he realizes a grave mistake.

When Rune woke him last night, Astarion saw someone who needed their help. He’d held off from grabbing anyone else for the sake of Rune’s privacy. But he never considered they might see something else: a monster needing to be exorcized.

He steps closer to Rune and is very glad they are wearing their gear. Astarion doesn’t think most of the camp will attack Rune, it would be foolhardy given the prism’s like of their resident sorcerer, but fear makes people foolish and he is not betting Rune’s life. The sorcerer doesn’t appear to be paying much attention to their crowd at all, a rarity for them, speaking of an urge to maim and kill as they stare down at their raw wrists. When they bring their story to a close, their voice is a whisper from overuse.

“And that’s it,” they say, rubbing a thumb over a red mark on their left hand. “I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret, you know that, I just-it escalated so fast. I thought-no I hoped, Alfira was a one off and when I realized otherwise, well-“ A half hearted shrug. “I’m sorry for not saying anything earlier but that’s all I know.” They look up, exhausted. “I can’t promise it won’t happen again. I’m terrified it will happen again.”

Rune is looking at Astarion when he says the last part. Astarion knows what they’re trying to say, besides the obvious. The statement is one part apology and one part resignation. Permission for him to run away as fast as possible and not look back.

He should run away, that’s the thing. Or at least consider it. Astarion has spent two centuries desperately wishing for the power to just run away, and now that he has it, he should be taking it as far away from this ruinous sorcerer as possible.

He doesn’t want to. It’s ridiculous, and ludicrous and absurd, but he doesn’t want to. Not because this group offers him the closest thing he has to protection against Cazador, not because the prism might not work if he runs too far, but because the person who is now the greatest threat to his person was also the one who offered him blood when he was starving, who stole him gently used clothes because he had none, who treated him not with pity or condemnation but as a person.

Astarion has so little he could call his own. But whatever relationship lies between him and Rune mocking poorly painted portraits and trying to solve mystery novels three chapters in was his. He will not throw it away so easily.

Karlach speaks first. “So, how are we doing this then? I’m thinking about shifts so no one gets too tired?”

“What?” Rune sounds entirely lost and Astarion finds he doesn’t follow either. He watches as Karlach counts everyone in camp off on her fingers.

“Well, there are seven of us total, so we could probably each pick a different day and then rotate who has two shifts each tenday.”

“Do you think one of us would be suitable alone, or should we do pairs,” Lae’Zel adds, looking equally contemplative. A smile starts to spread across Astarion’s face as he realizes what they’re discussing. “Though if Astarion could hand it by himself, pairs might be a wasteful use of manpower.”

“Hey-“ Astarion says but before he can speak further, Wyll chimes in.

“I can take tonight: I rested earlier last night anyway.”

“Are you guys offering to watch me sleep?” Rune says, staring at everyone with their mouth slightly open. It would be cute if they weren’t so incredulous.

“Ew, that makes it sound creepy,” Karlach says. “We’re watching you in case you get all stabby again.”

“Do they even know how to properly wield a blade?” Lae’Zel eyes Rune’s arms and raises an eyebrow. “They couldn’t even open a door two days ago.”

For the first time since they’ve woken, Rune sounds something other than exhausted. “That door was solid stone-“

“Rune can wield a blade just fine,” Astarion purrs, trying to hide the relief that this is the result of this conversation. Everyone groans, Rune included.

They hash out the specifics of the rotation after that. No one mentions when Rune rubs at their eyes and takes a shuddering breath, nor do they point out how they cling to Karlach when she pulls them into a hug. Shadowheart offers to take a look at her religious texts to see if this malady might be divine in nature, while Gale offers in turn to message Tara and inquire about some texts he has back in Waterdeep. By the time Astarion and Rune are left alone, there is a full schedule set for watching the sorcerer for fits, with Astarion free to steal any extra should he wish to monopolize their time for himself without watching eyes. Rune looks an odd mix of fond and overwhelmed.

Astarion’s heart twists at that. Was that how he looked, when Rune offered him blood upon being rudely awoken? Was that how Astarion looked the next morning when everyone else learned of his affliction and no one began sharpening a stick?

Gratitude should not hurt so much.

“I know you said it’s worth the peril but I did mean it, you know. When I said you could run. I won’t take it personally.” Rune says after a moment. They’re looking him in the eye, a sharp contrast to earlier when they were speaking about their urges.

“You did mention it, yes. You know, you told me it wasn’t an insult but I find myself rather insulted. Do you truly expect me to cut and run?”

Rune’s chin tilts up, their face stoic, but Astarion can hear the hint of a tremble in their voice. “You should.”

Astarion thinks to last night. How Rune had woken him up and in a shaky voice told him that his life was in danger solely due to the sorcerer’s care. A care Rune apparently doesn’t expect to be returned in light of this recent revelation.

Astarion will have to remedy that. Come clean about his whole botched scheme really, which he’s frankly dreading, but some tasks are worth doing despite the mess. Now isn’t the best time but soon. He’s hoping he’ll find the right words soon enough, words that are actually his instead of automatic cloying phrases used over two centuries of hell. To stop feeling like he needs to put on an act.

“I’ve been doing quite a few things I shouldn’t do recently; walking in the sun, leaving the city, snacking on nearby sorcerers,” He turns to Rune and quirks one eyebrow. “I might as well keep at it with such excellent results.”

Rune blushes and chuckles. Their hand is right there, should Astarion wish to take it, but it doesn’t feel right, not until he tells them the entire truth at least. Hopefully it will still be there once the dust has settled.

It might be nice, he thinks, to lace his fingers between theirs and know that he’s doing so solely because he wants to.

#iz writes #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #durge #dark urge #durgestarion #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 fic

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