#eddie you know better than to reassure someone because you both have jobs? what are you doing???

[delta-piscium]

part 2 | this is part two to this from Steve's perspective leading up to and including part one | cw unresolved angst [unfinished/for now not being worked on]

31 days until moving day.

Steve burst through the door to Family Video, swinging it open with way too much force. 

Robin jumps and opens her mouth, probably to tell him off for scaring her but he speaks before she gets the chance. 

“Eddie asked me to move to Chicago with him,” he blurts out, “Robin, he asked me to go with him.” 

Her eyes widen, “what did you say?” 

“That I’d go, of course,” he huffs. Like it’s even a question? like not going was ever an option?

Robin jumps over the counter squealing and hugs him so tight breathing becomes a little bit hard. 

“I’m moving away with Eddie,” he whispers into her hair, awed as he hugs her back. She somehow squeezes him even tighter and they stay like that for a minute until they have to actually do their jobs. 

An hour passes and Robin keeps shooting him contemplative looks.

“What?” He finally snaps after getting tired of waiting for her to say what she wants to say herself. 

She jumps again like she didn’t realize how obvious she was being, which honestly, she probably didn’t.

“Nothing, nothing.” 

“Robin,” he whines.

“Okay, just,” she scrunches her face up a bit and Steve knows that face, she’s trying to figure out how to say something to him she thinks he’ll react badly to. 

He narrows his eyes at her, bracing himself, “yes?” 

“I think you and Eddie are great together, and like I love you both and I am excited for you guys. You know that right?”

Steve nods, doesn’t say anything though, wants her to get to the point.

“I’m just also, maybe, a little bit worried.”

Steve’s eyebrows draw together, “what do you mean?” 

Robin is looking around nervously. Something heavy starts to form in Steve’s stomach. 

“You haven’t been together for very long and this is a big step. I just don’t wanna see either of you get hurt you know? I guess I’m just wondering if you’ve talked it all through? Because both of you have a tendency to jump into things without thought.”

They haven’t talked it through, not really. Eddie asked Steve to move, he said yes and that was pretty much it. It didn’t feel like they needed to talk it through though? Did they? Usually, they just dealt with things as they became relevant, that had worked for them so far. 

Robin must see something on his face because she quickly talks again, backtracking and interrupting his thoughts. 

“Not that I don’t think it will be great, you know I just worry about things a lot. This is my anxiety talking. You know what, ignore everything I just said. You two know what you’re doing.” 

He doesn’t want her to know she’s already put doubts in his head so even though he’s starting to freak out a little he smiles and shakes his head. 

“It’s fine Rob, I’m sure we will talk more with time.” 

22 days until moving day.

Steve meant it when he said he and Eddie would talk. Meant to ask about the logistics, meant to make sure they were on the same page, he really did. But every time the move comes up Eddie just seems so sure about it already. Steve doesn’t want to make him think he’s having second thoughts. Thinks maybe it’s better to not say anything, to wait and let it come up naturally. 

He thinks maybe they’ll talk about it tonight. The kids had joked about them all evening, about how fast they were moving.

Mike had made some snarky comment about them moving to a city where they knew no one and how awkward it would be if they crashed and burned and they’d have to share a bedroom. 

Eddie had laughed, said it was good they weren’t gonna crash and burn then. But, he’d also added that his band was also going so actually he would know people. 

It was just jokes, Steve knew that. That didn’t make it any less true though. Steve wouldn’t have anyone except Eddie, sure he liked the guys in his band but they weren’t his friends. Steve would have Eddie and Eddie would have his band. It suddenly seemed like a big deal.

He expects Eddie to also feel it, to get worried and bring it up but he doesn’t. If he is worried he isn’t saying anything, just like Steve isn’t.

8 days until moving day.

There’s a knock on Steve's door and when he opens Gareth is standing there. Steve is a lot confused about it but lets him in. 

“Uh,” he starts a little unsure, “do you want anything to drink or?” He offers, mostly because he doesn’t know what else to say or do. 

Gareth shakes his head, looking about as uncomfortable as Steve feels. Shuffling around where he’s standing and fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt. “No, I’m gonna leave again soon. I just came here to say something.” 

Steve gestures for him to speak, “I’m listening.” 

Gareth doesn’t immediately say anything, he shuffles some more and looks around the room before his eyes land on Steve again, a determined look in them. 

“Look, I like you. I know Eddie loves you.”

Steve can’t help but smile a little at that, even though he’s starting to suspect he’s in for a shovel talk. 

“And like, I probably wouldn’t do this if it weren’t for the fact that you haven’t dated for very long at all and are about to move in together in a city four hours away.”Gareth pauses and waits to speak again until Steve nods, showing he’s listening. 

“Eddie does things without thinking. He doesn’t think about the consequences, not anything, just does. I love that about him, it’s the reason our band has gotten anywhere at all, but it also means that he gets hurt a lot, disappointed a lot. He can handle it with most things, he won’t be able to handle it with you.”

“What are you saying?” Steve asks even though he’s pretty sure he already knows. 

Gareth looks pained but continues, “I’m saying that if you aren’t one hundred percent sure about moving with him, if you have any doubts at all, you can’t go.”

Steve can’t suppress his flinch. He expected Gareth to say he needed to be sure, that if he wasn’t he needed to tell Eddie. He wasn’t expecting him to say he shouldn’t, no, couldn’t go. 

Gareth catches it and narrows his eyes, “I mean it Steve, it will break him more if you go, let him think it’s gonna work and then leave, then if you don’t go at all.” He steps closer to Steve, getting into his space. “So, if you’re not absolutely sure,” he pauses, steps even closer, “Do. Not. Go.” He punctuates every word and then he turns on his heel and leaves.

6 days until moving day.

Steve needs to talk with Eddie about it now, can’t ignore it anymore. He isn’t gonna just not go like Gareth told him to do. No, he’ll talk to Eddie and it will be fine. 

They’re in his bed together, laying next to each other. Skin touching skin and a comfortable silence between them. Now is as good a time as any. 

“Hey, Eddie?” 

“Mhh?” He hums, shifting slightly next to him. 

“What happens if something goes wrong when we move?” 

Eddie snorts, “what? Like if we get a flat wheel? I know how to change a wheel, sweetheart.” 

Steve smiles despite his nerves, tries to not imagine what Eddie would look like changing a wheel. 

“Good to know, but no, not quite what I meant.” 

Next to him, Eddie props himself up on his elbow so he can properly look at Steve. 

“What did you mean?” He reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind Steve’s ear as he speaks. Steve has to focus harder than he’d like to admit to not get lost in it. Even the smallest touches have an effect on him when it’s Eddie. 

“What if something happens with us?” His voice is small and he can’t look at Eddie, afraid of what his reaction might be. “Remember that thing Mike said about us not really knowing anyone there? Just, what would happen?” 

“Baby,” Eddie gently grabs Steve’s chin with his thumb and forefinger, tilting his face towards him. Steve easily follows but closes his eyes. 

“Baby, please look at me,” Eddie’s voice is even softer than before, and Steve has always been weak when it comes to Eddie asking him to do things so he slowly blinks his eyes open.

“There you are,” he smiles, face open and tendrils of hair falling around it. He looks angelic and Steve almost forgets what they are talking about, too overwhelmed by the man next to him. 

Eddie keeps them on track though. 

“Like I told Mike, nothing will happen. We will be fine. But,” he continued before Steve can protest, “if something does, we both have jobs already, we’ve done this right. We will be able to save eventually. Quicker because we’re two people, paying rent and all that stuff on two salaries. If something happens we will have that security.” 

Steve relaxes then and Eddie must see it because he grins and continues, “now if you didn’t have a job then I’d be worried. I’m not cut out for all the responsibility of being the breadwinner, princess.”

Steve groans and shoves Eddie away. Mostly to hide the blush he can feel creeping up his face just from Eddie calling him princess. Judging by the way Eddie cackles he doesn’t have to see Steve blush to know the effect it has on him. 

He reaches out and pulls Steve in against his chest. “Worst case scenario we have to move back. Wayne will probably pretend to be unhappy about it but he’ll let me take over his trailer again. And, I know you have complicated feelings about this house, that your parents are the worst, but you’ll be able to come back if you need to.” 

“Okay,” Steve says, his worries mostly calmed. 

1 day until moving day. 

Steve and Eddie are spending the night apart. Eddie wanting to spend his last night with Wayne and both of them needing to do some last minute packing. 

Just as he finishes closing one of the last boxes the phone rings, he’s a bit confused about who would call him right now. His friends all having seen him earlier in the day to say goodbye. Maybe Eddie needs to double-check what time they decided to leave. 

He picks up but it’s not Eddie, or even one of the kids, who speaks.

“Steven,” his mother's shrill voice crackles on the other end of the line. 

“Hi mom,” he tries to hide his sigh as he speaks, doesn’t have the energy to get into anything with her right now, doesn’t want her to ruin his excitement. 

“I thought you were moving to Chicago alone?” 

His freezes, when he told his parents he was gonna move he didn’t say he was going alone but he also didn’t mention Eddie. He knew they wouldn’t like it, knew it would be easier to let them assume he was going by himself. 

“But I just got off a call with Mrs. Hagan and she told me that Tommy had said you were moving there with- with that cult boy? The one who’s wanted for murder?” 

Steve closes his eyes and this time he doesn’t bother hiding his sigh. Fucking Tommy, he’s always had a big mouth but Steve suspects that this hadn’t been him blabbering without thinking. No, Steve thinks Tommy knew exactly what he was doing telling his mom this piece of information. 

“His name is Eddie, and he was cleared of all charges. The ‘cult’ was literally just a school club.”

“So it’s true? You’re moving with him?” Her voice is sharp and even just hearing it over the phone makes him flinch.

“Yeah, we’re friends and it’s cheaper that way. We got a better apartment because we’re two people with a job each.” It’s such a simplification of the truth it’s almost a lie but Steve doesn’t think this is the time to come out to her. He hopes the ‘better apartment’ comment will calm her, it’s the sort of thing she cares about after all. Not for his safety and comfort though but for how it will reflect on her.

He’s not sure she actually hears him though because she hisses a vicious, “If you move with him you will not be welcome back Steven, this will be the last time we speak.” Before she hangs up on him. 

Steve carefully places the phone back in its cradle, then he’s left standing alone in the living room, both too shocked to move and not really shocked at all. 

He’s not close to his parents. Has slowly been understanding just how much they’ve neglected him. He’s been relieved about moving away, about being in another city where he won’t have to see them when they waltz back into town. But to never speak to them again? That’s a whole different thing. He still hoped that they’d be able to fix their relationship. That him not being dependent on them anymore would allow him to stand up for himself. That everything would get better. Now instead, the thing he thought would allow their relationship to get better is gonna destroy it forever. 

He debates calling Eddie, wants to tell him what his mom just said, wants to hear his voice, wants to let him make it better. He decides against it, he doesn’t wanna ruin Eddie’s last night with Wayne and he’ll see him tomorrow anyway. He can tell him in the car. 

He doesn’t call Robin either, she’ll insist on coming over and he knows she’s on a date with Nancy right now. He doesn’t wanna ruin that either, even though both of them will tell him he’s not, he knows he will be. He goes to bed instead, sleep seems like the best option right now, at least he won’t have to think if he’s asleep.

Moving day.

He ended up not really sleeping at all. Tossing and turning for hours and after finally falling asleep sometime in the early morning he wakes up just hours later from a nightmare. He doesn’t remember what it was about but can feel the lingering panic. He gives up on getting any more sleep, doesn’t wanna risk more nightmares when he’s alone.

He picks at his breakfast, still thrown off from the conversation with his mom the night before and not feeling like eating, so he gives up on that too. He spends the rest of the morning wandering around, touching the walls and the furniture in the house he grew up in. The house he’s been left alone in since he was nine. The house he both hates and loves. The house he will never be allowed to return to after today. 

Then the phone rings again, it’s probably his mom calling to ask if he’s decided to stay he thinks. It’s not, it turns out.

“Hi I’m Patricia, I’m looking for Steve Harrington?” A chipper voice says.

“This is him.”

“Okay well, good. I’m calling about a barista job you’re supposed to start with us next week.” 

“Yeah?” Steve chews on his cheek. 

“I’m so sorry but due to our rent being raised we’re having to do cutbacks. Since you haven’t signed your contract with us yet, it’s the first one to go.” 

“You’re firing me?” Steve asks, it’s not entirely right since he hasn’t started yet but it’s all he can think to say. 

“Essentially,” Patricia responds, “I’m sorry for the short notice.” 

“Okay,” he says, his voice void of emotion, “thank you for calling.” 

He hangs up without waiting for a response, he doesn’t have the energy to be polite. 

He barely has time to let the information sink in before his doorbell rings. Eddie on the other side of the door with a wide grin on his face. 

“Did you oversleep?” He jokes. 

Steve’s confused for a second but then he realizes he’s still in his pajamas, that he’s spent the whole morning wandering around like a ghost in his house not getting any of the things he needed to do done. 

He hasn’t packed the bag of all his essentials. He hasn’t gotten dressed. He hasn’t even brushed his teeth. What he has done is get fired from a job he never even started.

He sees Eddie’s teasing smile, the combination of it and his sudden joblessness tugs at something in his brain, brings back the conversation they had last week.

“Now, if you didn’t have a job then I’d be worried. I’m not cut out for all the responsibility of being the breadwinner princess.”

He doesn’t have a job. He’ll have to live off Eddie and what little savings he has left. Become a responsibility Eddie doesn’t want, a burden probably.

“Worst case scenario we move back”, “you’ll be able to come back if you need to.”

If he leaves now he won’t be able to come back. 

Gareths words play back in his mind too.

“if you have any doubts at all, you can’t go.”, “it will break him more if you go, let him think it’s gonna work and then leave, then if you don’t go at all.”

“I’m not going,” Steve hears himself say as he steps back from the hand Eddie reaches out to him. 

“You’re not-“ Eddie looks so confused. “Like today? Do you need extra time? We can postpone by a couple of days but-“

He’s not getting it. Steve interrupts him, needs to make him understand because he can’t listen to him try to come up with solutions. 

“No, Eddie. I’m not going it all.” 

The words feel wrong in his mouth but he forces them out anyways. 

“What do you mean?” Eddie asks and it fucking ruins him. He feels his carefully blank expression break, despair showing through. 

“I can’t leave Hawkins, the kids,” he has to look away from Eddie as he says this. Knows it’s the only thing Eddie won’t question, knows Eddie thinks he doesn’t mean as much to Steve as the kids do. “They need me.”

“When did you decide you weren’t going?” Eddie asks and Steve didn’t know it was possible but he breaks even more from that, from Eddie not fighting him. 

I didn’t, he thinks, I don’t know why I’m saying this now. If you ask me to stop and just go with you I will. 

“A couple of days ago,” he lies. 

It’s silent then, just their breathing and the distant sound of cars down the street being heard. Eventually, Eddie breaks it.

“Steve?”

His voice cracks in the middle. Steve can hear the plea for him to take it all back and he nearly does, has to swallow the words creeping up his throat before they get out. 

“I’m sorry,” he says instead. He turns around, closing the door behind him. Destroying their future and breaking the last bit of his heart in the process.

He doesn’t get more than two steps into the house before his legs give out beneath him. He stays there, sitting on the floor for what feels like forever. 

After some time he hears a car drive away and he knows Eddie has left. He feels silent tears start streaming down his face that soon turns into sobs. Making him curl in on himself and gasp for air. 

He doesn’t know how long he stays there, crying until he can’t anymore and then just sitting there. But after a while, he’s interrupted by a loud ringing. For the third time in less than twenty-four hours he picks up the god-forsaken phone. 

“Hello?” He rasps, his voice dull and raw from crying.

“Steven. You made the right decision and stayed I take it?” His mother asks.

“Yes.” He says and hangs up on her. 

#happy ending never got written but they end up happy and maybe on day i'll return to this and write it #once again i apologize for any typos mistakes in general etc I've read through it I swear #part one is like 800 words and this is over 3k idk what happened okay #actually i do i had to fit in more scenes #so uh yeah #there will still be a happy ending i promise but now you get where steve is coming from which is mainly a panic attack tbh #steve baby do not make big decisions while mid anxiety shut down #also talk to people <3 #eddie you know better than to reassure someone because you both have jobs? what are you doing??? #it's 5am i swear if this does not show up in the tags ill cry #steddie #steddie ficlet #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #my writing #my post #steddie angst #dels steddie thoughts

[pleasantlycrazyworld]

Requested by @zestychili I hope you enjoy it! Thank you for using my prompt list

"if you're going to cry I have to go punch someone" 19

"Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm here" 20

You were having a great shift today, honestly, it was shocking to you since the week has been awful but knowing that you were going to come home and Eddie would be there made the shift so much better automatically, there was nothing that was going to make this a bad day. How foolish you had been when you thought that before.

The phone rings and you quickly answer it, "Hello! This is Y/N, how can I help you today?" Every phone call is typically the same, the person calls and you answer it and then you two schedule their appointment and that's the end of it. But this seemed different from the beginning.

Soon after the traditional greeting you give, you are greeted by an annoyed sigh. "I see you still work at this establishment" Confusion comes over you, "Excuse me?" The person on the other line scoffs, "You're that forgetful? I thought they would've fired you by now with how brainless you are. I'll be extra clear this time I need to have an appointment Friday, April 15th at 6:30 no ifs, ans, or buts about it. Understood?"

You gasp hearing the nerve of this individual, never in the handful of years that you have worked here has anyone treated you this way and with how stressful this week has been tears fill your eyes quickly. Out of frustration or hurtfulness, you weren't too sure yet. You clear your throat to respond but before you could the voice on the other line speaks up before you. "You know what! Just transfer me to your boss. I think this job is too complex for someone so... simple-minded." You grit your teeth before saying "Of course" You transfer the call and are quick to gather your things and clock out. As you pass your boss's door they send you a sympathetic smile which helps reassure you that this person is just a ridiculous customer but your feelings have already been hurt. You rush to your car and quickly leave the parking lot to go home into Eddie's arms.

Your tires screech as you quickly park by the trailer and you rush to get inside. A sigh of relief leaves you as soon as you see Eddie sitting on the couch with cartoons on. "Hey, sweetheart!" He exclaims with a huge smile gracing his face and before he can say anything else you fling yourself into his arms. He holds you tightly and rubs your back trying to soothe you "Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm here" Hearing his words breaks you into a million tears. "Oh, Eddie it was awful!" Your words are muffled by his chest but he hears them clear as day.

He feels his jaw clench hearing and feeling your cries. "Oh sweetheart if you're going to cry I have to go punch someone and we both know this. Please tell me what happened? Did someone do this?" You shake your head trying to deny him but the more you try to deny it in your mind the more you realize how awful that customer was to you. So you tell him everything through the broken hiccups that leave you. You soon finish and take a deep breath, as you are calming down, Eddie feels himself growing angry. "How? How dare they say that about you!? Sweetheart, you are one of the smartest people I know and you're the most amazing person there ever was. I'm telling you, you are better than...than Jesus himself and I won't take no for an answer so go get that cute butt into your jammies and get back here so I can hold you tightly and we watch the latest adventures of Bugs Bunny."

All you do is giggle and smile for the first time in hours, you nod and rush to do as you are told. You knew today was going to be a good day and you knew it was going to be because of Eddie.

I believe Eddie loves bugs bunny and nothing will change that

If you enjoyed please reblog it means the world to me

Tagging: @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @b-ritney

@tiannasfanfic @zestychili @eiightysixbaby @thefreak0fhawkinshigh

#Eddie munson #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagine #fluff #stranger things imagine #stranger things fluff

[jhpeg]

eddie munson is a bad influence

hopper!reader with established friendship and all that stuff. listen guys i’ll be real, i’ve never written a fic before but my head has been spinning with eddie ideas and i needed to let it out! maybe let me know if you want more? i am so weak for eddie being a stoner boyfriend. i hope you enjoy whatever this mess is! any feedback is appreciated i love you all sm and big thank you to vic for bullying encouraging me to write and post this

rating: m, i think? drug use, language and closeness and innuendos ya know so no minors up in this gig please?

word count: 3.3k (i need to shut the hell up)

//

“i want to smoke weed.”

the statement alone had made eddie do a spit take. he hadn’t heard that correctly, there was no way. not chief jim hoppers daughter, not his best friend of 12 years who had given him a power point lecture at the age of 14 about why smoking “the devils lettuce” would ultimately ruin his life.

wiping the liquid away from his chin with the back of his hand, eddie turned to look at her with narrowed eyes, “are you pranking me? are you wearing a wire?” he asked, tilting his head and looking at y/n curiously.

you had always done what you were told, not because you felt like you didn’t have any other choice, because there was nothing you feared more than disappointing the person that had made you the person you were. your father, chief jim hoppers pride and joy, his sweet angel that could never do any wrong. the statements he made about you were mostly true, you had perfect grades and attendance, never spoke back to anyone and went out of your way to make his life easier when the job was too much.

but the closer you got to graduation, the more you realised just how much you had missed out on. all the parties that you had missed, the experience of skipping class or even the feeling of getting any grade below an A.

the minute those thoughts had come, the answer was obvious. eddie. he had been in your life for as long as you could remember and even though he had taken a detour from your joint path when you both entered high school, the affection you held for him never wavered. there was no judgement that you held towards him for the.. activities he participated in, only concern that he would get caught and his third chance at graduating would be ripped away from him. eddie was always there to reassure you with a sweet kiss on the top of your head, talking into the soft waves of your hair “sweetheart, i know what i’m doing. i promise i will be back in a jiffy,” with that stupid big smile that made you melt every time before he would leave you in his van while he went to his business spot in the woods to complete whatever transaction was requested from him.

there was no where you felt more safe than eddie’s bedroom. it smelled like him, had his personality splattered over every inch of the room whether it be his favourite band posters on the wall, d&d notes scattered around his desk and his endless pile of band shirts creating an interesting carpet layout on the floor. what better place to try smoking for the first time?

eddie’s reaction to your question hadn’t been entirely surprising, considering the amount of times you had told him that he didn’t need to smoke, that he could find that feeling through other means. but that didn’t stop you from slanting your eyes and dropping your bottom lip into a pout as your arms crossed over your chest defensively. “you heard me, eds. i want to smoke weed. with you, preferably,” you mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes that you could feel searching for yours.

eddie shuffled closer to you on his bed, crossing his legs to mirror your position which made his knees brush up against yours. he looked at you intensely, waiting for you to continue and say what you really wanted. it was something eddie was always working on with you, getting you to speak your actual mind and not what you thought someone wanted to hear.

looking down in your lap at your fingers that wrung around each other anxiously, you sighed and gave in to his pleading eyes. “i.. i know i’ve spent our entire high school lives telling you it’s bad and all that stuff, but i feel..” you clenched your teeth, feeling like an idiot for getting so worked up over what felt like nothing. “i feel like i’ve missed out,” you continued quietly, “every week people are talking about the parties that they go to, how much they drank and what drugs they did and all that stuff. but i don’t want to go to parties, i want to do it here with you.” you cringed at your choice of words, cheeks flushing immediately as your head snapped up to look at eddie as you quickly corrected yourself, “i mean, i mean i want to smoke weed with you! not do IT with you!” you rushed out, catching his eyes to desperately figure out if he was understanding what you meant.

eddie was patient with y/n, knowing she struggled to make sense of the words in her brain when she was nervous. she had all the tells, right from when she had walked into his trailer that afternoon. she was avoiding his eyes, giving one word answers, asking him to repeat himself again because she had spaced out. he knew she would come out with it eventually and when she did, he almost squealed from pure excitement.

he grabbed her hands that were wound tight, pulling each finger away from another until both of their hands were pressed together and fingers laced. “y/n, sweetheart, you have nothing to worry about here. this is a safe space, you know that,” he said, following her gaze that was trying to land anywhere but his face. “look at me,” he stated, a bit firmer than he had intended to but it seemed to grab her attention. “believe me when i say you haven’t missed out on anything at those parties. it’s all loud music, sweaty hormonal jocks that grope anyone with tits,” he said, knowing that it would be everything y/n hated and more. “but if you are looking for the beautiful experience from our sweet mother nature and her plants, you’ve come to the right guy.” finishing his sentence with a wink, eddie all but jumped from the bed and made his way to the box he kept in the corner of his room with a checkered blanket covering it.

you hadn’t been able to get a single word out in response to eddie before he was running over to what you knew as his ‘secret stash of love’ as your best friend liked to refer to it. your nerves started to subside when eddie was back on his bed, sitting in the same position with his knees touching yours. the closeness was already enough to make a heat spread through your body, but the thought of soon smoking weed for the first time made the room feel ten times hotter than before.

“alright, princess. this is a whole new world you’re about to step in, you’re sure you want to do this?” he asked, keeping his eyes locked on y/n’s in search of any hesitation but she nodded quickly, reaching her hand out to pull the cover away from his stash box, revealing the contents you had never planned on seeing.

eddie was practically buzzing from excitement when y/n made the first move of removing the cover from his container that had a range of items from various sized baggies with different strain names scribbled onto them, multiple pairs of scissors for trimming and copious amounts of papers floating around the box. eddie would never admit it, but he was truly nervous for what was going to come next. the pressure was immense already when he was being someone’s smoke sherpa and when it was y/n sitting in front of him, her eyes wide with interest he was well and truly fucked. “alright sweets,” he began as he grabbed two plastic bags and the papers he wanted to use for y/n’s first smoke. “here we have two different weed strains, indica and sativa,” he pointed to each bag respectively as he explained the basics for what she would need to know. “i think since this is your first smoke, we’re going to go with a sativa. it’s great for easing anxiety and gives you that good head high i’ve been telling you about all these years,” he couldn’t help the fact that he was grinning wider by the minute, who could help him when he had y/n’s gorgeous eyes staring at him, her knees brushing against his every time she shifted which seemed to be more often as he started to cut up the bud on top of a worn out cassette case.

y/n watched intently and listened to eddie as if he was giving her instructions on how to save a life. you couldn’t take your eyes off him as he spoke, entranced by the way he talked about something he was truly passionate about. you always knew eddie was smart, he just wasn’t smart in the way that the world wanted him to be. he could list the strain effects from the top of his head and what papers would work best for her during her first smoke, it was a beautiful sight to see and an even more beautiful voice to listen to all day. once he had finished his weed strain 101 lesson, he started preparing the joint and you were immediately fixated on his hands, the way they moved so carefully and with such skill to get the perfect size buds, laying them in the paper and starting to roll it between his fingers. you felt like the air in the room was becoming less and less available, and when did it get so damn hot in here? you watched as eddie brought the joint up to his lips, poking his tongue out to glide the paper along and seal it.

“.. did you hear me?” eddie’s questioning tone and a tap on your knee brought you back to earth and you realised you had definitely just been staring at eddie’s tongue when he was finishing the roll, not hearing or seeing anything else in that moment. you blinked quickly, darting your gaze away from him as your brain raced to try and think of an excuse for not listening to him when there was no other noise in the room apart from the quiet hum of Judas Priest playing softly in the background, eddie knew you couldn’t always focus on two things at once if there was loud noise. “i- i’m sorry, i was just watching the way you rolled it so i can learn!” you replied, hoping eddie wouldn’t be able to pick up on anything being different with your behaviour.

it seemed to work as he nodded and flicked his lighter to give the joint his final seal of approval and he held it out in front of y/n with a ridiculous smile. “i was saying this paper is going to be the smoothest for your first time, it burns slowly and shouldn’t make you cough too much,” he explained, holding the complete joint between his fingers and holding it out to her.

you thought you were off the hook and could keep yourself composed enough to not draw any further attention to you with odd behaviour. eddie would just think you were nervous about smoking, and you definitely were but those nerves were so far back in line while thoughts about eddie’s lips and tongues pushed forward to the top, making that all you could think about. when he held out the joint to you, you lifted your hand to meet his and take the joint from him in the same way that he had held it between his fingers.

you felt the sharp cold of his rings when your hands met, but as soon as the feeling was there, it disappeared again as eddie grabbed the lighter that was on his lap. “one last time, you’re sure you want to do this? you’re not trying to impress me by turning bad?” he teased, but the question was serious. you nodded quickly in response but that wasn’t enough for eddie, he always made you use your words. “yes, eddie, i want to do this. now light it, please,” she said, leaning toward him to make him go faster and to hopefully deflect his teasing question.

eddie felt his mouth go dry when she leaned forward, the movement from her part had brought more closeness between them to the point where he could almost definitely smell her shampoo, but he could also see the slightest peek of her breasts that were held in place with a plain black bra under her loose t-shirt. “don’t rush me sweetheart, good things take time,” he said softly, bringing the lighter up to where the joint was resting between your lips, flicking his thumb to spark it. you had seen him do this before, it couldn’t be that hard, right?

wrong. as soon as you started to inhale around the joint, your lungs felt the burn almost instantly. you almost dropped the joint from your first cough but eddie was there, picking it from your fingers and placing it between his lips so he could grab the bottle of water he had near by. he opened it quickly, tossing the cap aside and holding it to your lips, “shit, babe, you didn’t have to take in that much,” he chuckled, holding your cheek as you grabbed the bottle and downed a few gulps to soothe your lungs. “fuck you,” you gasped out with a laugh when you had stopped coughing, taking in a deep breath and wiping the tears that had spilled from the corners of your eyes.

you saw eddie looking at you with utmost concern, waiting for you to catch your breath and let him know you were okay before he took his own hit from the joint. “now when did this turn from you smoking weed to fucking me?” he teased, earning himself a slap to the bicep. “eddie!” you scolded, narrowing your eyebrows at him before you snatched the joint from his hand. “my turn, i know how to do it now!” you stated confidently, straightening your back and taking a deep breath before you sucked the joint between your lips for a second time.

this hit was different, the burning wasn’t as intense and you didn’t feel like you wanted to cough up an organ. on the exhale you choked a couple of times, waving eddie away from you as he moved closer to try and help. “i’m okay, i’m good,” you assured him, your smile returning when you watched him take another hit, mesmerised completely by his lips, his fingers and the smoke that flowed so beautifully from his mouth on his exhale.

eddie felt so proud when y/n confidently took her second hit only seconds after she had almost coughed up a damn lung. he had always admired y/n from a distance, watched as she navigated day to day with what seemed like the most grace anyone could ever hold. all he wanted was to protect her from all the awful shit that he knew was out there, hold her against his chest and melt away from the rest of existence and tell her that it would all be okay, it would always be okay as long as he was around. he left his thoughts behind in favour of coming back to reality and watching the effects of the marijuana slowly take over her, it was beautiful to see her worries ease away and her head lull back to look at his ceiling.

“hey, eyes on me,” he said, bringing his hand to her chin until she lowered her gaze back to him. “let me try something,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper even though you were the only two people in the trailer. you nodded obediently, completely focussed and zoned into eddie from the feeling of his fingers on your chin. you watched curiously as eddie took another hit and you were about to tell him he had skipped your turn when he leaned closer until his nose was almost brushing yours.

you followed his lead without hesitation, your lips falling open ever so slightly which gave him enough room to slip his thumb between them and open your lips wider. your heart was about to beat out of your chest and you were sure eddie could hear it but there was no time to think about that as you felt the smoke coming from his mouth, slipping down your throat as you inhaled it. no coughing this time, it was smoother than you ever imagined smoke to be but there was no doubt that was because it came from eddie’s lips.

eddie smirked when he leaned back after y/n had exhaled, feeling satisfied with his mission. he had always waited for the perfect moment, ever since he was 14 and found that he wanted to punch any boy who dared to look at his princess, he had waited for a moment to tread the waters lightly and see if she reacted to him. now eddie was no scientist, but he concluded that there was definitely some kind of reaction from y/n when he had passed the smoke through his mouth into hers with barely an inch between them. “you did amazing, bubs,” he praised, watching carefully for her response.

you stared in bewilderment, feeling as though you were in a different world compared to just a few minutes ago. eddie’s lips had been closer to yours than ever before and the compliment he had given you with the nickname, your knees would have buckled if you were standing. you both continued to pass the joint between you for the next 10 minutes, eventually laying side by side on the mattress with minimal space between you, you could feel the heat radiating from eddie’s arms that were brushing against yours. “i feel like i’m laying on a marshmallow,” you hummed, watching eddie from the corner of your eye as he stubbed out the finished roach on the small wooden table next to his bed.

eddie chuckled, rolling back over and propping himself up on his elbow so he could hover over you slightly, scanning your features before landing on your eyes that were slightly red and very glazed over. “yeah? marshmallows are pretty soft,” he whispered, bringing his hand up that wasn’t supporting him to brush your hair back from your face. “did you enjoy it? everything you could have dreamed off and more?” he questioned, searching your eyes for any hint of regret. there was none to be found. you nodded once, a smile forming and your dimples creasing as your hand came up to rest on his shoulder. “i did enjoy it, i enjoyed you,” you said, your eyes darting between his big brown doe eyes and his soft lips.

eddie raised an eyebrow at your response, not missing your eyes going to your lips. “you’re so beautiful, princess. i’ll never let anyone hurt you,” he said, mainly reminding himself of the fact but it warmed your heart to hear him say things you had only dreamed of hearing. “i know you won’t, eds. you have always kept me safe,” you said softly, your fingertips playing with the ends of his soft hair around his shoulders. “can we cuddle? i’m tired now,” you whispered, looking up hopefully at eddie who had a shit eating grin on his face. “i knew you only wanted me for weed and cuddles,” he laughed, shaking his head as he moved to lay down next to you on his back which gave you room to tuck under his arm and rest your head on his chest. “thanks for getting me high, eddie. love you,” you mumbled, already starting to drift off with the sound of eddie’s heartbeat soothing you.

eddie smiled warmly, brushing your hair away from your eyes so he could still see you as you fell asleep within a few minutes. “first time stoners, they always do this.” he said to himself, shaking his head fondly as he closed his own eyes, simply enjoying the closeness that he had been aching for with y/n.

fin

#eddie munson #joseph quinn #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie spaghetti #eddie munson fic

[mymistakewriting]

Eddie Diaz, survivor's guilt & breakdown era thoughts

I have a lot of little posts like this that I plan to make, but Eddie and his breakdown arc in season 5 is one that I've been thinking on a lot the last couple of days, so that's what I'm going to start with.

Trigger & Content warnings: PTSD, Survivor's Guilt, mentions of suicide & drug use & death. I'm sure I'm missing something here, but basically, soldiers don't get taken care of after they leave active duty in the US and we all know it. That's it's warning.

Eddie Diaz and his survivor's guilt is surprisingly layered when you look at it as it's own thing instead of something that was mentioned once or twice and then never again. It's something that's really easy to see in the aftermath of his breakdown, or if you're familiar with survivor's guilt yourself, etc. It's always been there, coloring his actions and words just enough that something was off, but never really bad enough to set off any alarms or raise any red flags. But then again, when Eddie's first introduced, he's a little too casual at the concept of himself being put at risk. The tension only leaks in when it's someone else at risk - originally, Buck and the guy they're trying to pull a live grenade round out of. And then, as soon as the immediate danger is gone, even after the ambulance explodes as the round goes off and sends Buck and Bobby both flinching, he's calm and offering to go for food. He's trained to be unaffected, to shove things into a neat little box, but even when he's first introduced, that box is near to bursting.

There are a lot of habits that speak to his PTSD - he thrives in traumatic situations until it's someone else from the 118 in danger, he's great at coordinating and good under pressure unless that pressure is something mundane like a conversation or a date (remember him having a panic attack so bad that it presented as a heart attack because of Ana? Yeah, hello, PTSD on full display, that wasn't just anxiety about her, she just made that panicked fight or flight harder to ignore until it bubbled over). But his survivor's guilt? It feels so much different.

It shows through in how Buck speaks during the tsunami - unable to meet and hold Eddie's gaze despite Eddie's abnormal searching for it - and how fast Eddie is to try to reassure Buck that he knows, he knows that Buck tried everything he could and then some when Buck is panicking and apologizing to him for losing sight of Christopher. That wasn't the look of a father terrified of his son being dead, that was the look of "oh, another one?" that you see on far too many survivors. And the way he looks back at Buck with Christopher in his arms, terrified as Buck collapses in front of Bobby and Hen. It never felt final, never felt like a closure, a goodbye, a whatever it's meant to be when a parent has to be told that their child is gone. But it did feel raw.

And it's in his anger after Shannon dies. He's angry with her, yes, even with it being irrational. He's angry because she left Chris again. But he's also angry at himself because it was his team on the scene and it was his job to save her and he couldn't. He's an army-trained field medic and a firefighter, logically, he should have been able to save her, so the disconnect in his head just shows through as anger because that's better than grief and better than hopelessness, right? But he doesn't express those thoughts and he only takes what time off Bobby forces on him after her death for Chris' sake, not his own, never for his own. And then it spiraled into the stupid street fighting arc that really never should have happened. But it made sense at the time, I won't say it didn't. He was desperate for an outlet, but that was years of emotion he was trying to let out at that point, so of course it went too far. It was always going to go too far.

But I don't think it hit Eddie that he was dealing with survivor's guilt, well and truly, until after he found out that Mills had died. He'd had it for years - ever since the mission that earned him his silver star, because he did lose someone on that mission - he lost the guy he was giving everything he could to save when they got shot out of the sky. But it never fully sake in, never registered. Just kept growing and growing every time he got news of someone else he'd saved dying.

Shannon. His Chief. Norwhal. Binder. Mills.

And I'd bet about half of it hit him so bad because he felt like he could still have saved them. At the very least, he felt like if he'd stayed in touch, Binder wouldn't have overdosed. Mills wouldn't have killed herself.

And I don't think he ever fully recovers from his topple off the deep end. But I do think he learns to manage it and he lets it turn him into a better firefighter. A better friend.

And I do think that's why he removed himself from active duty for a while with the 118 to work at Metro Dispatch sending out tweets. He didn't trust himself to be someone else's lifeline after all of that guilt hit him. And that's exactly why him jumping right back into the fray with no hesitation during the fire at dispatch was such an important step for him. That was the first sign that he was healing - and maybe he'll never fully recover from the damage that's been done, but learning to live and thrive despite in is still better than a lot of people in Eddie's position get.

#kieran talks #911 #eddie diaz #tw: ptsd #tw: survivor's guilt #tw: mentioned death #sorry I've had a lot of thoughts about Eddie and his mental health #feel free to come scream about it with me bc I still have more thoughts

[hmslusitania]

If I may be so bold as to throw one of these your way, could I suggest:

24. Soulmate AU + 57. Forgotten First Meeting, with Buddie of course

24. Soulmate AU + 57. Forgotten First Meeting

Okay, so, it’s like this:

The first time your soulmate touches you skin to skin, it leaves a mark. And over time (because in a world where there are soulmarks, you know there would be entire scientific branches devoted to studying them) the different colours left behind on your skin have been decoded.

Red, weirdly, is for platonic love, so when eight-year-old Maddie Buckley holds her brand new baby brother for the first time and kisses him right there on his eyebrow, well, it leaves Evan with a splotch on his face and saves Maddie just, like, so much money in lipstick for the rest of her life.

The marks stay connected, too, throughout a person’s lifetime. Touch them together again and it sparkles under your skin like an effervescent tablet in water. And that’s true of all marks, not just romantic or platonic ones.

For a long time, those marks are the only ones either Buckley sibling has.

When Maddie gives him her Jeep and Buck runs, out from under their parents’ thumbs, she gets him to stoop down and kisses him on the eyebrow again, and then they don’t see each other for years.

Buck travels. He crosses the US a few times, back and forth. He goes to Peru, he comes back. He crosses the US again, taking a long drive through the deserts that look like paintings that make up the southwestern corner of the country. He ends up stopping the night in El Paso on his way between places, stocks up on provisions for the rest of his road trip to LA where he thinks he might try his hand at being a firefighter.

He stops a few other places, too, and doesn’t notice until he gets to the beach in LA and strips off his shirt to go for a swim. There’s a livid purple soulmark on his arm.

And he has no idea who it came from.

Soulmarks aren’t really essential for relationships, at least that’s what everyone keeps telling him when, ah, circumstances conspire to mean that Eddie and Shannon need to get married. Due to the whole “lack of soulmarks” thing, neither of them had really meant for their relationship to be serious, but, now, well.

Things are tense, at best.

But Christopher.

Eddie’s still terrified, of course he is, he’s twenty-two and he’s supposed to be a dad? But in the delivery room, he gets talked into trimming the umbilical cord just moments after Chris is born, and that’s terrifying, what if he fucks it up, and Christopher’s little belly is so small and surely he shouldn’t be putting scissors -- even sterilised medical ones -- anywhere near his newborn son -- he has a son, what even is happening right now -- and he doesn’t really mean to but he pats Chris on the shoulder to try and calm him -- being born is just, like, a lot for everyone, parents and children alike, and Eddie kind of wishes he was allowed to scream right then too, but he’ll leave that to the kid (oh god he has a kid).

Bright red blooms across Chris’s shoulder and for a wild second, Eddie thinks that maybe, somehow, his son is allergic to him.

The actual significance sets in a few seconds later when he notes that the pads of his own fingers are the same shade of red.

All three of the grandparents in the room take it in turns to pass Christopher around and see if they, also, have this connection to their grandson. They don’t. And to make things just that much worse, neither does Shannon.

So, y’know, things are tense.

At best.

It’s years later, after Eddie gets back from Afghanistan, after Shannon’s left Chris and given up on Eddie, after she’s sent the divorce papers, that he’s finally deciding he needs to take Chris and get the hell out of Texas. He hasn’t resolved to do this at all, he’s still just thinking about it (his parents haven’t tried to take Chris from him yet), and he’s doing his grocery shopping in the dead of night because he doesn’t really have another time to do it, what with working three jobs and having a six-year-old.

He’s so lost in thought about where they’d go if they left Texas and what he would do to support them that he’s only vaguely aware of someone bumping his arm as they cross paths in the aisles.

He doesn’t think much about it -- doesn’t really notice -- until he’s helping Chris with his cereal the next morning and Chris points out that there’s a big purple mark on his arm.

Chris wants to know what the purple marks mean, because he’s only ever noticed red ones, and Eddie doesn’t really know how to explain that it means Eddie touched the person he’s going to fall in love with and be in love with for the rest of his life, because he...has no idea who it was.

And so, mostly, Eddie tries not to think about it. He goes about his business, eventually his parents try to take Chris and they run for LA. He gets a job at the fire department and gets assigned a station.

There’s another guy on his shift who’s got a bruise-like purple soulmark on his bicep and -- according to Chimney -- a tragic lovestory to go with it. Chimney doesn’t know the tragedy, but offers some gossipy suggestions.

Buck doesn’t really like Eddie at first, but his posturing reminds Eddie just a little of a golden retriever trying to be fierce when you know the only thing going on in a golden’s head is fluff and love.

They pull a grenade out of a guy’s leg, and Buck likes him after that.

Hell, they survive an earthquake together with absolute aplomb, and Buck spends the whole time reassuring Eddie that Chris is gonna be fine. Buck doesn’t even know Chris, but it makes Eddie feel better.

It happens on their fourth shift.

They go to this dumbass call where a woman’s gotten her head stuck in a tailpipe at a cowboy bar -- Eddie wants to be haughty about the bar’s trappings in born-and-raised Texan, but, well, he’s been to pretty much this exact bar back home -- and both Buck and Eddie get hit on by the assembled onlookers. Usually, Eddie’s noticed, the soulmark on his arm deflects random flirting way better than his wedding ring ever had, but these women are drunk and he’s a firefighter so it could very easily be a bruise.

As they walk back towards the engine, Buck starts teasing Eddie about his apparent disinterest in the women. Eddie starts to fire back about Buck living in his invisible girlfriend’s house, but their arms brush together.

And they sparkle like fucking poprocks.

There are Other mashups you can read!

#and like its a soulmate au we know how that one ends #obviously they fall in love all the way and live happily ever after #I just really liked that end line so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #the ghost ship scribbles #9-1-1 #9-1-1 fic #buddie #buddie fic

[buckleyblueyes]

I want to talk about the parallels between bathena and buddie (as individuals and as ships) because 4x14 directly paralleled them, down the words Buck and Athena said to Eddie and Bobby (“I’ve got you”), and I want to explore that more. Under a cut bc this is on the long side. 

I’m going to talk about the characters first, and then the dynamics. 

So, Bobby and Eddie first. Bobby and Eddie are both widowers who carry massive amounts of guilt over what they perceive as failures in their past marriages, though Bobby’s were more severe. They both packed up their lives and moved to Los Angeles to escape the weight of their traumas and those perceived failures and start fresh. They’re both family driven and motivated, whether that family is their actual kids or their team. They both have a natural paternal energy about them, as well, they’re devoted and loving fathers, and they both have an overwhelming desire to protect the people they love, a belief that it’s their responsibility to keep everyone safe. 

Buck and Athena! Buck and Athena both have baggage from judgemental and harsh parents with impossible standards, and they’ve both channeled those insecurities into being the best damn first responders they can be. They’re headstrong and stubborn and will do whatever it takes to save or protect as many people as possible, even if it’s reckless or dangerous, the show even parallelled them this way in 3x18 (“I’m not Athena”). They’ve both felt abandoned and hurt by people they loved, and internalized those moments as failures on their part, even when it really didn’t have a lot to do with them (Maddie not being able to leave Doug and Abby’s mom dying vs Emmett getting shot and dying and Michael coming out as gay), which becomes an issue in their relationships later. 

Alright, and now I want to get into the dynamics. (I say dynamics bc “couples” isn’t technically accurate just yet) 

In both dynamics, one of them already has a kid(s), and their dynamic therefore is not just about the two of them, but about their kids as well. Both stories aren’t just about falling in love, they’re about building a family together. Both dynamics also deal with the possibility of losing someone you love, which granted is a factor of their jobs. But I would argue that it’s a much more prominent feature for bathena and buddie than it is for henren or madney. And because of that, both dynamics emphasize the ways they want to protect each other, to have each other’s backs. Whether it’s Bobby being the only one to know that Athena isn’t going to take the promotion offered to her, or Eddie knowing when Buck is doubting himself and reassuring him, there’s this through line of understanding and trust.

And that brings me to the bathena conflict in season 4. The trust between them was fractured on both sides, first when Athena starts making decisions without talking to Bobby, and then when he starts hiding things from her, and eventually it all comes to a head. But just because they fight, doesn’t mean they stop loving each other, doesn’t mean they don’t stop choosing each other. They work things out. Because you don’t find love like that, “you make it” and that means sometimes it’s hard, sometimes you have to work for it. It’s not easy.  

And just because something is easy, doesn’t make it right. 

I think it’s worth noting as well, that they used the word “partner” throughout the bathena arc this season. First “there’s a reason she doesn’t have a partner” and then again with the family game night scene and finally when Athena says she needs her partner back, symbolically affirming their relationship. It’s about marriage as a partnership. 

Interesting, because Eddie’s marriage failed because he wanted to be a provider, not a partner. And interesting because really, what better word is there for Buck and Eddie than “partner”? 

#buddie #bathena #Eddie Diaz #Bobby Nash #Athena Grant #Evan 'Buck' Buckley #911 meta #my meta

[repressedqueen]

Names & Identity - Buddie edition

(I’m sure people have talked about this before since I’m so late to the party, but I had thoughts and they have to go somewhere.)

So, I randomly realized one of the MANY reasons Eddie’s “Because, Evan...” gives me goosebumps all over my body is actually Buck’s own aversion for that name, which got me thinking...

“Our names are labels, plainly printed on the bottled essence of our past behavior.” - Logan Pearsall Smith

Just one of the hundreds of quotes you can find about the importance of names. Our name goes hand in hand with our identity, it is the one word most tightly wrapped around the core of our existence.  

Evan is the name Buck grew up with. It is the name his parents gave him. Evan, the  disappointment. Evan who is expendable. Evan, the lost kid who felt abandoned by everyone; who only had his sister by his side, until he didn’t anymore, since she got sucked into a self distractive relationship thanks to her own trauma. It is the name he run away with alone in a jeep, traveling around the world, still lost, trying to find something that will make him feel normal, capable, happy.

Until he finally became a firefighter.  And by coincidence, everyone started calling him Buck.  There he felt different, he liked what he was doing, it was a fresh start that felt right. He found the 118, his new family, to whom he introduced himself as Buck.

He likes his new life, his new name, his new self. Everyone calls him Buck (apart from Maddie who calls him by both names, but they as siblings have a unique relationship and communication.) and it what he wants to be called.

Even when he suggests baby names to Maddie and Chimney, he leaves Evan as the last choice and says it much more hesitantly than the other two. “You know there is Buck, or Buckley. He could be... an.. Evan.” Coincidence? 

Then his parents come back at 4x04, and it’s Evan all over again. Evan, Evan, Evan... The more time he spends with them the more he turns to that helpless child and we all see how badly it messes him up. In 4x05, he sits on the truck after the rescue, so broken and lost again, when Athena tells him “I’m sure whoever you saved is glad you were being Buck.” and and his response is “I don’t even know what that means.” (when i tell you this scene breaks my heart I mean it. Oliver your acting baby...) He lost his identity again. Thank god queen Athena offers him the reassurance he needs, as does the rest of his new family. 

So later in the episode, when his father calls him Evan once again, he quite aggressively (and understandably so) corrects him “BUCK! Buck...” making it clear  that is what he wants people to call him. People who know him, he says. They know Buck, the person who his parents don’t know; Buck, who is not a constant disappointment, Buck who is good at his job, Buck who doesn’t quit. 

He has grown, he knows what he wants now, he goes to therapy, he fights with his demons. Through new healthy relationships, he is much happier and steadier, but of course he hasn’t healed completely.  He likes Buck, but he struggles to accept Evan. The self distractive tendencies, the sense of no self worth are still there and it is obvious after the brand new trauma created by the Shooting.

The choice of the name to call someone is usually insignificant, but not for Buck, especially in the fragile state he is after that whole event and Eddie knows that better than anyone. The surprise and vulnerability on Buck’s face when he hears his name coming out of Eddie’s mouth for the first time is truly priceless.

So “Because, Evan” (and the clear emphasis on the name) is Eddie’s way of saying: I see all of you, your past and present, your virtues and flaws.  And not only do I see and accept all of you, but I love and trust you enough to give you my son. 

And that is simply poetic.

#and it is the reason i will go down with this ship #buddie #buddie 4x14 #buddie meta #911 #911 4x14 #911 4x05 #evan buckley #evan buckley meta #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #911 fox #buck begins

[cyllaeth]

getaway green

find it on ao3

“Yeah, yeah… Love ya too, man.”

Eddie abruptly stops before he enters the changing room. Heʼd recognise that voice everywhere because itʼs Buckʼs. But the words he overheard make him uneasy. Love ya too? To whom Buck might have said it? The most likely answer is to Eddie but he’s right here and he’s definitely not talking with his best friend. It’s not Chim either because Eddie saw him already in the station. So… Who else? Albert? No, that’s just ridiculous. Albert and Buck are friends—not as good as him and Buck, obviously—but why would they talk via phone when they probably saw each other this morning in Buck’s apartament? It doesn’t make sense. So… Who is it then?

Eddie feels like someone just twisted his guts. Has Buck met someone new? No, he would’ve told him about his new relationship, he’s sure of it. His best friend has told him about reconnecting with Taylor and doing the whole “friendship without benefits” thing, for god’s sake. He would at least mention that he met someone worth dating.

It’s not very helpful or reassuring, though. Eddie knows it sounds bad but he doesn’t want Buck to find someone to date. Unless it’s him Buck would be dating. He can’t stand the idea of Buck spending his free time with someone else, kissing someone else, loving someone else.

Eddie’s very much in love with his best friend. He’s tried to get over with him by dating Ana. And it was a fucking disaster because everytime he kissed her, he wished it was Buck instead. So… It’s safe to say he got it bad. And he has to keep it under control because he doesn’t want to blow up the best friendship he’s ever had. Telling Buck he’s in love with him is not even an option.

He tries to suppress his jealousy and finally goes to the changing room. Buck’s already in his work clothes and he’s scrolling through his instagram; there’s a wide smile on his face. When he hears Eddie coming in, he looks at him and his grin gets even bigger.

“You’re almost late, Diaz.” He teases and Eddie can’t help himself but smile too.

“Almost late makes a big difference.” Eddie emphasises, quickly changing his clothes. Buck only rolls his eyes. When they’re both ready, they go upstairs and greet their coworkers. The blonde goes to the coffeemaker and he pours two cups of coffee—one for him and one for Eddie—and he hands it over to his friend. They sit on the couch as usual; their arms and thighs pressed together as if there’s any free space left.

“Uh, I’ve got news.” Buck says and waits until everyone pays attention to him. “TK’s coming to LA this weekend.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Do you mean the TK with whom you stole the fire truck and who you were flirting with?” Chim asks curiously.

Eddie nearly chokes on his coffee.

Was Buck really flirting with that kid from Austin? Sure, he noticed that dumbass and dumbasser hit it off very quickly but it wasn’t something unusual—Buck was so sweet and easygoing, it was almost impossible to not like him.

“I wasn’t flirting with him! I just invited him to LA! And besides, he has a boyfriend. Who is coming with him, by the way.” Buck explains; he’s slightly embarrassed, Eddie can tell, because his cheeks are more pink than usual. Again, why would he feel embarrassed if he wasn’t flirting with TK?

Maybe he was flirting but he just doesn’t want to admit that? Whispers a very annoying voice in Eddie’s mind. He tries to silence it.

“That’s amazing! Is that captain Strand’s son? You should come by the station with them, I want to meet them.”

Bobby’s voice pulls him away from his thoughts.

“Sure, I was actually thinking… Maybe we can have a night out together? As a team?” Buck suggests. “TK says he can’t wait to meet all of you guys.”

“Fantastic idea. I’ll ask him if youʼre bluffing.” Chim quips. Eddie has a strong urge to strangle him.

And then it hits him. Buck was talking with TK earlier, in the changing room. It was definitely TK.

The jealousy is eating him alive. Sure, Strand may have a boyfriend but is it really that big obstacle? Women were flirting with him when he was still married to Shannon; they’ve pretended not to see his wedding ring and ask him out anyway.

Oh, shit. What if he will be the witness of Buck flirting with TK? He’s not sure he can handle that. How will he react? What if he will finally blow up and say something he’s not meant to? He shouldn’t tempt fate and just stay at home instead of going out with the 118 and TK. He decides to gently decline the offer and thinks about a good excuse—he could easily use Christopher as a reason to not go with the team—and Buck would totally understand it.

When he finally opens his mouth to say something, the bell rings. Of course.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

The whole friendship thing between Buck and TK is bothering him so much, he can’t even fully focus on the job. He’s so distracted that Bobby asks him if he’s okay. He shrugs his shoulders and lies that he’s completely fine. What would he say anyway? That he’s in love with his best friend who doesn’t love him back and he’s probably into another, very cute firefighter? No, this is already pathetic as it is. No need to embarrass himself more. When they’re back at the station, he’s almost on the edge. He needs to find out more, even if it causes him more pain.

He quietly follows Buck to the kitchen and when they crash on the couch, he musters up courage to ask him about his relationship with TK.

“I didn’t know you and TK were such close friends.” He says, trying to sound playful, teasing.

Buck sighs heavily.

“Oh, come on, man, you too?” He groans and shoots Eddie kind of an annoyed look. “Yes, we’re close and it’s nice to have a friend outside of the 118. And we’re just friends. No flirting, no hook ups. Besides, I’ve mentioned he has a boyfriend who will be there with us.”

Eddie believes him; he hears honesty in his voice and it makes him a little bit calmer. He feels like he can finally breathe again and—

“I wouldn’t flirt with him anyway even if he was single because I think I might be in love with someone else.”

Eddie swears he can hear his heart shattering on a million pieces. He wasnʼt prepared to hear this, he wasnʼt expected to have a breakdown in the middle of a shift. Buckʼs in love and he didnʼt know about this. How? Who is it?

“What?” Is the only thing he manages to whisper.

“I’m in love with someone.” Buck repeats. It’s very quiet, unsure, almost fragile. Like he’s afraid of Eddie’s reaction, afraid of being open and vulnerable. Afraid of being in love.

It breaks Eddie’s heart even more because the only thing that’s worse than his broken heart, it’s Evan Buckley’s broken heart.

“Oh. Are you... Does this person know about it?” He asks gently, moving a little closer to his best friend. He feels like heʼs been hit by a truck but right now he wants to at least reassure Buck itʼs okay, make him feel better. Thatʼs what friends do anyway. He can have a full breakdown in his own house when heʼll be alone. He starts to pat his back lightly and after a while, he can feel Buck relaxes a bit.

“No...  It’s… Complicated. It’s probably best if I don’t say anything. At least nothing will be destroyed. I canʼt destroy it.” He hears Buck’s muttering. He understands him perfectly; sometimes not telling the truth is just the best option.

Eddie still feels jealousy, he envies the nameless person who Buck loves. He’s trying to shove down his feelings and only focus on his friend to cheer him up.

“You wanna come home with me after the shift? We could make pizza together and watch some movies with Chris.” He proposes. He realizes he said coming home—like it was their home. Not only his and Chris’ but Buck’s too. And it is his home; Buck belongs to the Diaz family anyway.

His invitation instantly lightens up Buck’s mood because he finally looks at him and there’s a small smile dancing on his lips.

“Deal. But only if you stay away from the kitchen, we don’t wanna call 911 to the firefighter’s house. You can wash the dishes.”

“Fine. Whatever you wish.”

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

The rest of the week passes fairly peacefully. They don’t talk again about Buck’s feelings and Eddie successfully pretends he’s not jealous. They joke and bicker as always so it’s fine, it seems like everythingʼs perfect.

It’s Friday—and it means TK and Carlos are coming. Buck has a day off and he’s picking them up from the airport and giving them a quick LA tour. Eddie’s working and so are Hen, Chim and Bobby. It’s a busy shift so they’re definitely not bored; Buck keeps them entertained between the calls—he’s blowing up Eddie’s phone with texts and photos.

Eddieʼs happy that his friend is enjoying his day off, he really is. Of all people in the world, Buckʼs the one who deserves it the most. He wishes heʼd be there with him.

» from Buck: dude, we totally need to take Chris to this museum of space, heʼll be thrilled«

Eddie opens another photo from his friend—this time itʼs Buckʼs selfie whoʼs standing in front of the museum and smiling. It melts Eddieʼs heart because Buck always thinks about Christopher, always includes him in his plans. Despite what Hen says, heʼs aware that theyʼre basically co-parenting Chris; he canʼt pinpoint the exact moment when Buck has become a second dad, it just... Happened.

» to Buck: iʼm in. so museum and sleepover at my house next saturday? i think i need to get my revenge after last time«

Buckʼs response is immediate.

»from Buck: you can keep dreaming, Diaz«

Eddie stifles a laugh when he reads the message. At least, heʼs the one Buck chooses to share even small things with. And at this moment, everything is alright.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

They finally meet at the 118ʼs favourite pub. Eddie went home after the shift to drop Chris at Abuela and change into something nicer. He tried once to say heʼs not going out with them but he quickly changed his mind when he saw the disappointment in Buckʼs eyes. Heʼs quite nervous, though. Despite what his friend said about flirting with TK, the doubt, the uncertainty is still there. He hopes he wonʼt do something stupid. Heʼs the last one to arrive and Buck spots him the second he crosses the threshold. When he reaches the booth theyʼre sitting at, Buck almost jumps out to pull him into a hug.

“Thanks for coming.” He whispers into his ear and Eddie shivers involuntarily.

Then, heʼs crushed by another hug—this time itʼs TK which is a little surprising but Eddie returns the hug. Carlos sticks to the traditional handshake.

“Nice to finally meet the famous Eddie Diaz.” He says fondly. “Weʼve heard about you quite a lot.”

Itʼs quite dark here but Eddie notices Buck blushing anyway. Itʼs cute, he thinks.

“I hope Buck hasnʼt told any embarrassing stories.” He quips.

“Your embarrassing stories are safe with me.” Buck says very seriously, placing his hand on his chest.

“Trusting Buckley with your secrets? Youʼre either brave or stupid. Or both.” Chim laughs, sipping his drink.

“Iʼm telling Maddie. She will kick you off the couch for at least a few nights.” Buck warns him. It piques Carlosʼ interest because he asks a question, looking at the other man.

“Wait, so Chimʼs with your sister? Wow, you guys are really close.”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

The conversations go as smoothly as the drinks they keep ordering. Eddie feels buzzed and content. Heʼs talking with Carlos about their childhood in Texas. He discovers that they have much in common; itʼs a very pleasant surprise and he feels like they will be very good friends. Bobby already called the night off, saying he needs to go back to his wife—because you canʼt say no to Athena —but Hen and Chim are still there and theyʼre singing karaoke alongside Buck and TK.

Eddie keeps an eye on these two; there was a reason why Judd called them dumbass and dumbasser. Buckʼs also slightly more drunk than him so someone really should check out what heʼs doing. And that is Eddieʼs responsibility. There is definitely no hidden meaning, no other reason to glance from time to time (fine, very often) at the scene.

Itʼs their turn to sing—itʼs Ed Sheeranʼs Give Me Love —and Eddieʼs confident it was Buckʼs choice. He notices how synchronised they are, how they keep sharing casual touches, how they laugh at each other, how they look at each other during the song—

And the jealousy almost throttles him. Because this is something Buck had only with him. Heʼs never been so touchy with Chim or Albert; sure, they have hugged many times but itʼs different with Eddie. Their closeness, lack of personal space was there from the first Eddieʼs day at 118 even when theyʼve been showing off to each other. Itʼs never felt awkward or inappropriate. It was easy, natural, kind of like breathing—something that people do without even thinking about it because itʼs just part of life. Because it was Buck.

Heʼs spiraling. He needs to go outside, somewhere where he wonʼt see Buck and TK together. It doesnʼt even help him that TKʼs boyfriend is right there next to him and he doesnʼt feel annoyed, threatened. He watches them with amusement in his eyes.

“I... I need to go to the bathroom.” Eddie says quietly and he rushes out of the booth before Carlos can say something. In the middle of the road to the bathroom, he changes his mind and goes out of the pub. He needs to take a deep breath, calm down and donʼt let jealousy take over him. Itʼs not like Buckʼs his boyfriend; heʼs allowed to be close with anyone he wants to. He knows that this possessive feelings and fear of being replaced, hurt is probably irrational but it still gets to his head very easily.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

He goes back inside after a while. He orders a beer and sits in the empty booth because apparently Carlos decided to join the rest on the stage. Eddieʼs grateful for that because he doesnʼt have to explain himself, he just can sip his beer in peace.

He doesnʼt notice TK coming to the booth, heʼs too lost in thoughts.

“What are you doing here all alone? Playing a dark, brooding hero?” He hears a very amused voice when TK sits across from him.

Eddie glares at him.

“Iʼm not brooding.” He scoffs. Heʼs definitely not brooding, heʼs just... Thinking. Trying to behave as usual. It would be rude of him to just go home without saying goodbye, right? And Buck would definitely call him to check if everythingʼs alright. Itʼs better to wait a little even if heʼs sitting alone.

“If you say so.” TK shrugs but then, he continues. “You know, thereʼs no need to look at me like you want to rip my head off.”

Eddie opens mouth to say something, to deny it because heʼs sure he didnʼt look at Strand like that but TK doesnʼt let him.

“Dude, donʼt. If looks could kill, I would be already dead when we met in Texas. Well, maybe it wasnʼt that intense back then but tonight you look like you want to strangle me. Thereʼs no reason. I like Buck but heʼs my friend. Just a friend.”

Eddie looks at him like a deer caught in the spotlight. Is he really that easy to read? He feels the blush creeping up in his cheeks; heʼs a little embarrassed because he really didnʼt expect TK to be so perceptive.

“I... How did you know?” He asks, his voice filled with uncertainty. He doesnʼt try to deny it anymore, TK wouldnʼt buy this bullshit anyway.

“Besides that I-wanna-kill-you look? ” TK laughs and then, he takes the water left on the table. “You look at him like the sun shines out of his ass. You were so focused on him that you barely noticed everyone else tonight. If I asked Hen or Chim about it, Iʼm sure they would say this is your normal behaviour. And you kept touching him like...” He trails off for a while, biting his lip. “You know... When I saw you and Buck for the first time, I was sure you two were together.”

Eddieʼs speechless; he’s mindlessly tapping his leg, looking at TK but not really seeing him. He’s silent for a few moments, but TK’s patient, he doesn’t rush him to talk.

“It’s… Complicated.” Eddie sighs heavily. He hasn’t told anyone about it but he doesn’t know if he can keep all of these emotions bottled up any longer. Maybe the fact he’s not entirely sober helps. And the fact it’s TK he’s talking to. “We’re friends. Best friends even. I… You know, he’s been there for me and he’s got my back since the day I arrived at the station. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had and I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with him. I don’t know how and when it happened but it just… Did? The thing is… I was panicking at first, I even tried to get over him by dating Ana. She’s—she was Christopher’s teacher. She was nice and sweet but I’ve kept thinking about Buck even when I was on a date with her. Even when I was kissing her, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It’s embarrassing, I know.”

He’s thankful that TK’s not interrupting him, that he actually pays attention to him. He notices the resemblance between him and Buck. Both of them have a personality of a golden retriever and they tend to do sometimes very stupid and reckless things. But after all, they’re so easygoing and sweet, it’s very easy to love them. Eventually, he goes on with his confession. “You know, I was jealous when I saw you two because you’re awfully… Handsy. You can understand each other without even talking. I know you have Carlos and that you two are serious but… I can’t help it, it’s stronger than me. And I can’t tell him I’m in love, I can’t destroy our relationship. I can’t do it because Chris would lose him too and he’s already lost one parent. Besides, Buck’s in love with someone anyway.”

He ends his monologue and hides his face in his hands. He definitely feels better after saying it out loud but it’s still a little bit awkward.

“And here I’ve thought Judd calls you Hollywood because of the looks but now I’m sure it’s because of how dumb you are.” TK says boldly.

Eddie raises his head to gaze upon his friend. There’s a very amused grin on his face and he looks like he’s refraining himself from laughing out loud.

“You really have no clue, don’t you?” TK asks. “Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh at you but it’s so funny how oblivious and blind two people can be.”

Eddie scowls.

“Are you gonna keep mocking me or you’re gonna tell me what you mean?”

“Fine.” TK chuckles. “Have you ever considered that Buck might be in love with you? I know that he told you, not directly, but he told you about it. I guess you didn’t figure it out.”

“He didn’t—” Eddie protests without hesitation but he stops when recalls their conversation after Buck told the team about TK and Carlos coming to LA. He mentioned being in love with someone and not wanting to tell the person about his feelings but Eddie didn’t even think that he could be talking about him. “You sure… He was talking about me?”

He looks at TK with hope; he desperately wants it to be true.

“I’m sure.” The younger man reassures. “He’s in love with you as much as you are. Oh, speaking of the devil.” He mutters, seeing Buck going in their direction.

Eddie rapidly turns his head only to see his best friend settling down next to him. His face is slightly flushed, hair disheveled and there’s a wide smile on his lips.

“Dude, I know you’re into Texans but I think one of them is enough, don’t you think?” He asks TK playfully.

“Don’t worry, Eddie’s all yours.” TK replies, smiling mischievously and he winks at Eddie. “I’m sure Eddie’s more into cute, blue-eyed blondes anyway.”

And then, he flees out of the booth, leaving them both alone. Buck raises one eyebrow, looking suspiciously at his best friend.

“Blue-eyed blondes, huh?” He asks very intelligently. Eddie’s sure his cheeks and neck are red by now and it’s very noticeable.

“Y-Yeah. He’s right.”

“Interesting. Neither Shannon nor Ana were blondes.” Buck points out, his voice very teasing.

“But you are.”

It makes Buck blushing furiously and Eddie thinks it’s the cutest thing he saw this evening. Suddenly, he notices how close they are, how their bodies are pressed together, how blue Buck’s eyes are and how soft his lips are.

“So… You’re into blondes now?” Buck whispers, not tearing his gaze away from him, even for a second.

“Been into for a while now.”

“It’d make everything easier if I knew about this, I’d definitely do this sooner.”

Buck makes the first move and he closes the space between them. He gently brushes his lips like he doesn’t want to overwhelm him. But Eddie doesn’t want to back off. He’s the one who deepens the kiss, he’s the one who slides his tongue into his mouth, causing him to quietly moan.

“Do you think we could sneak off and go to my house maybe?” Eddie asks when they break apart, panting heavily.

“Dude, TK and Carlos are staying at my apartment, I can’t just sneak off.” Buck laughs. “I need to at least give them the keys if I’m not supposed to go back to my place tonight.”

“Then what are you waiting for? Just give them the keys and we can go.” Eddie pouts and he sounds so needy, it makes Buck giggle.

At some point, they get up and approach their friends who’re standing by the bar and ordering new drinks.

“Look who decided to join us!” Hen chuckles and she wants to say something else but she’s cut off by the Chim’s laughing loudly.

“I’m not sure if they are joining or leaving us.” TK smirks and Carlos nudges him softly to not to meddle.

“Actually, we were thinking about leaving if you don’t mind. I can give you the keys to my apartment.” Buck offers sheepishly.

“Just give us the keys, we’ll manage. You can go with your Texan.” TK says but then he adds, pointing a finger in Eddie’s direction. “But I need to meet Christopher before I go back to Austin.”

“I think we can arrange something. Tomorrow afternoon maybe?” Eddie suggests.

“Then we’re all set. Now, stop talking and get a room already!”

When Buck finally gives TK his keys, they say their goodbyes and order an Uber to Eddie’s house.

The ride is quick but quiet. They don’t really talk but the silence between them is not uncomfortable—it’s the opposite of it. They have to talk about their feelings eventually but they know they’ll have the time to do it. They enter the house and the second Buck closes the door, he’s slammed against the nearest wall. Suddenly, they’re kissing again; Eddie pushes his hips forward and it causes Buck to spread out his legs a little bit.

Eddie’s so glad Chris is at Abuela’s house because it means they have the whole night only for themselves—and they can do whatever they want to.

“Bed.” Buck growls when Eddie bites his lip and starts to unbuckle his belt.

“Someone’s impatient.” The older man teases.

“Said the guy who dragged me out of the meeting with our friends to have sex with me.” The blonde replies wryly.

“Just shut up, Buck.”

“Make me.”

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

Eddie slowly wakes up when the sun peeks through the curtains and shines on his face. His head hurts a little—well, heʼs not in his twenties anymore and he wasnʼt counting his beers last night—and he feels the weight on his chest. He needs a second to register that itʼs Buck; he sleeps very peacefully, completely nestled to Eddie. His headʼs on the place where Eddieʼs heart is, one arm around his waist; thereʼs a gingerish stubble on his cheeks and his blonde curls are perfectly messy. Itʼs a wonderful sight—and he wants to wake up like this every morning... Maybe minus a hangover.

He doesnʼt even notice how long heʼs staring at Buck like that but he doesnʼt really care. Eventually, Buck wakes up too and he raises his head a little. He seems a little confused but the expression disappears when he notices heʼs on top of Eddie and the manʼs grinning.

“Hello, sunshine.” Eddie says and he shifts a little to be able to pull his friend closer to properly kiss him. Itʼs kinda gross because they smell like yesterdayʼs beers and they havenʼt brushed their teeth but neither of them care.

“I assume you do remember last night... No regrets?” Buck asks. His tone is cheery, playful as always but Eddie can see the uncertainty in his eyes.

“Only one. That I was a coward for so long because we could have had it all much sooner.” He answers very seriously, looking directly into Buckʼs eyes. He wants him to believe in every word he says. “I know we hadnʼt exactly talked last night... But I donʼt want this to be a one night stand. Not with you. I want... More. Everything. I mean weʼve already been a couple for quite some time. You practically live in my house, youʼre Chrisʼ second dad and youʼve been my rock since the day weʼve met. We just... Havenʼt done the sexy part of the relationship.”

“Until last night.” Buck points out.

“Yeah... Point taken. So if you want to take it slow, we can take it slow. We can date like people usually do or you can already move in and take my closet, my bed and everything because youʼve already taken my heart.”

“If you think that your offer to move in is getting you out of asking me on a date then you’re terribly wrong, Diaz.” Buck teases and winks at his friend. “You need to romance me a little.”

“God, youʼre such a dork.” Eddie says fondly. He feels so damn happy and content because he can really have everything he wanted.

“You love it.”

“I do. Now, get your ass up. We need to pick up Chris from Abuela at some point. We have dinner with TK and Carlos later.” Eddie sighs because heʼd rather stay all day in bed with Buck—and maybe tell him some of the fantasies he had in his head—but the reality calls anyway.

“Are you sure you want me to pick up Chris with you? I mean, we donʼt have to do it together, I can go to my apartment and—”

“Buck. Iʼm sure. Itʼs not like we havenʼt done this before. I want to tell him about us too. I donʼt want to lie to him because I did it when I dated Ana and it didnʼt end well. Besides, heʼll be thrilled to see us together. Hell, he wants us together. He literally told me last week that I need to buy glasses if I canʼt see that you love me too.”

Buck looks at him with amusement and he laughs heartily.

“Heʼs a smart kid. And he definitely didnʼt get it from his father.”

Eddie scoffs.

“Youʼre really lucky that I love you that much because otherwise you wouldnʼt get away with saying stuff like this.”

Buckʼs smile is almost blinding.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

They get up, eventually. They go to the shower together to “save the time and water” but it turns into another long making out session. They eat breakfast (made by Buck) and they finally go to Abuela to get Christopher.

“Edmundo, youʼre late.” They hear in the second Abuela opens the door. Sheʼs a little surprised to see not only his grandson but also his best friend.

She notices the big ass hickey on Buckʼs collarbone thatʼs exposed because heʼs wearing Eddieʼs Henley and raises her eyebrow.

“Now I understand why youʼre late.” She smirks which causes them to blush. “Anyway, itʼs nice to see you again, Evanito. I hope I get to see you more often.” She adds and then embraces both of them in a hug.

“You will, Abuela, I promise.” Eddie says honestly. He wants to add something but he hears an excited voice from the hallway.

“Dad!” Christopher shouts as he goes to the door to greet Eddie. “Bucky?” He asks when he notices the other man standing next to his dad.

“Hey, Superman!” Buck says, kneeling down to hug the kid.

“I didnʼt know youʼll be there. Are you coming home with us?”

“Yeah, buddy, Iʼm coming with you.”

Christopherʼs smile only gets bigger.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

“Chris? What would you say if Buck were living with us?” Eddie asks when theyʼre at home. Buckʼs making Abuelaʼs famous enchiladas with Christopher (none of the Diaz siblings have gotten the recipe despite asking for it a countless times; Buck asked once and Abuela happily gave it to him) and Eddieʼs only an observer. He loves watching those two interacting, spending time together. He loves how easily Buck has stepped into a co-parent role, how fast and hard he has fallen in love with Chris, how good he is with kids in general. Heʼs amazed by it almost every time he sees them together. He wouldnʼt have found someone better to be with.

“Buckyʼs moving with us? Iʼve thought it wouldnʼt happen!” Chris replies. The corners of his lips are curling into a smile but before it breaks into a full grin, he asks. “But does that mean you are dating and we wonʼt see miss Flores or someone else anymore?”

Buck looks at Eddie with a mischievous smile and mouths told you, heʼs a smart kid.

“Yeah, kiddo, no more miss Flores or any other women. Itʼs gonna be only the three of us.”

It seems to be a very satisfying answer for Christopher—he just nods and goes back to adding all ingredients to the enchilada sauce.

When everything’s almost ready, Christopher goes to his room to change his shirt because he spilled the sauce on it and they are left alone. Eddie doesnʼt waste any time and comes closer to be able to kiss Buck. He thinks it may be a problem to keep his hands off his best friend but they will figure it out too. Eventually.

“I think I can get used to this.” Buck says when they stop to take a breath.

“To what? Cooking with Chris?” Eddie teases.

Buck only huffs but then he smiles anyway because cooking with Christopher is definitely on top of his favourite things to do. “Yep, definitely. He is my favourite Diaz after all.”

“Then Iʼm in second place I guess?”

“You wish. Thereʼs also Abuela and Tia Pepa... Maybe even your sisters.” Buck grins. “You have very strong competition.”

“I think I may have some tricks up my sleeve to change your mind then.” Eddie states and heʼs ready to show them to Buck but the doorbell rings. He sighs heavily. “Guess you just have to wait to see them then.”

“Canʼt wait.”

“Hi Buck. Fancy seeing you here.” TK says with a very wide smile on his lips. “Iʼm guessing last night went well then.”

“Well... Yeah? Thanks to someone who was meddling just a little bit.”

Carlos rolls his eyes but he doesnʼt look even slightly irritated.

“Please, donʼt boost his already big ego, he was talking last night about changing his career to be a matchmaker.”

“Matchmaker?” Buck raises his brow. “Sounds interesting.”

“Carlos, we should really keep our boyfriends apart, itʼs dangerous to let them use their brain cells together. If they even have them.” They hear Eddieʼs amused voice and he appears right behind Buck. The blonde blushes at the word boyfriends. “But come on in, weʼre all ready.”

“We brought a six pack and a gift for Christopher.” Carlos adds, lifting up the beers.

“Oh, Chris will be thrilled. Heʼs already so excited to meet you two.”

“Weʼre excited to meet him too, Buck has told us so many things about Christopher, I feel like I already know him.” TK explains when they go inside.

“Bucky was talking about me?” Christopher peeks in the kitchen shyly. He sounds quite surprised.

“Yes, he did. And itʼs very nice to finally meet you. Buck couldnʼt stop talking about you. He didnʼt even talk so much about your dad I think.”

“Because my dad is very boring sometimes and heʼs all grumpy.” Christopher shrugs, looking apologetically at his dad. “Sorry dad but thatʼs the truth.”

“When did you become so sassy, huh? But I guess youʼre right. But... This is TK and this is Carlos.” Eddie introduces his friend to his son.

“And we know youʼre very interested in space so we got you a little gift.” Carlos adds, handing Chris over a package.

“Thank you.” Christopher says simply and puts it on the floor to unpack. “Whatʼs this?” He asks curiously.

“Oh, let me help you unpack it but maybe not here? We don't want to make a mess now.” Carlos proposes and Chris immediately agrees.

They go to the living room together and Buck sees with how much fondness TK looks at them.

“Carlos seems pretty good with kids.”

“He is. Heʼs fantastic. Maybe one day weʼll think about it.” TK replies thoughtfully.

“Oh, really? You two would be amazing dads.” Eddie says honestly, putting up the plates on the table. TK looks a little stunned.

“Never really thought about it too much earlier. But, anyway, howʼs my favourite couple? Because you two are a couple now, right?” TK eyes both of them carefully.

“Buckʼs moving in. Donʼt know when yet but Iʼm planning to make it as soon as we can.” Eddie announces proudly.

“Wow you really donʼt waste your time. So should we expect an invitation for the wedding next year?” TK laughs.

“... Maybe?” They both reply in sync.

“Well, weʼre doing it backwards. We started by raising Christopher together instead of just simply dating each other. So maybe we should marry each other soon. Iʼd marry him even now.” Buck states and winks at his boyfriend.

“Something tells me that the 118 would be mad at us for weeks. If they wouldnʼt kill us first for not inviting them to the wedding.” Eddie points out.

“I hate that youʼre right. They would totally kill us. But dinnerʼs ready and boys are probably starving so letʼs feed them first.”

The dinner is excellent, the conversation goes smoothly and Chris talks about his gift—an International Space Station Lego set—with so much excitement, they donʼt even dare to interrupt him. Buck and TK even offer to help him build it later. They eat a dessert and then, Eddie and Carlos settle on the couch, beers in hands and Buck and TK sit on the floor alongside Christopher and they discuss how to build the space station. Eddie canʼt tear away his gaze from Buck who looks so happy and excited to play with his—their —son and agrees to everything Christopher says.

“You two really fit together.” Carlos says quietly because he doesnʼt want to distract boys from work. “And Iʼm glad you were able to finally talk about your feelings. I must admit, I was pretty invested in your story when TK was talking about it. I really hoped you two would figure it out somehow.”

“Can you believe I was really jealous yesterday? I was sure Buck and TK were flirting and.. God, I was so mad at you for a second why you donʼt even react, why are you so cool about it. And... Yeah, I was stupid because I was sure he was into TK.” Eddie sighs because heʼs still embarrassed about it, he still canʼt believe he was so anxious that Buck might be in love with someone else.

“Oh, you probably havenʼt seen the way he looks at you. Itʼs really something. And TK was really invested in—and I quote—bringing these two lovesick idiots together. They were never flirting. Not seriously at least.”

“Yeah, I know... I... I really hope heʼll be happy with me. But Iʼve heard your relationship is getting more serious.”

“Yeah, well... We live together now so itʼs a pretty big step for both of us. We havenʼt killed each other so Iʼm taking it as a good sign. I donʼt know whatʼs next. Maybe a wedding but I need to be sure TK will say yes and wonʼt freak out about it.” Carlos sighs, knowing that TK may be still cautious about the whole wedding thing but he definitely wants to try it anyway.

“He mentioned earlier something about you two having a kid so I think heʼs taking it very seriously too.” Eddie reassures him.

They both look at his boyfriends who are completely focused on building a space station with Christopher and itʼs very heart-warming sight. “I donʼt think he would say something like that if he didnʼt mean it. Besides, heʼs a lot like Buck and I bet he loves kids as much as him. And I need to add that Christopher is not really a kid who trusts easily but he clearly has so much fun with TK. I wouldnʼt worry too much if I were you. You two really fit together too.”

“Yeah, we do. TK was annoyingly stubborn at first and he didnʼt want to admit that itʼs more than just a hookup. Now weʼre living together.” Carlos laughs, looking softly at TK who sticked out the tip of his tongue and visibly tries to concentrate. “I must say, this is a really nice trip. Glad I could meet TKʼs friends and just... Let myself relax a little bit. Something tells me ifʼs not our last visit in LA, though.”

“I bet.” Eddie hums in agreement. “You can visit LA as many times as you want to. We will probably visit you in Texas too. I have to properly introduce Buck to my family one day so we can definitely do a quick trip to Austin then.”

“Weʼll be happy to see you. Captain S—Owen—will be thrilled to see you. He was disappointed he couldnʼt go with us, he wanted to see Hen again and meet your captain.”

“Yeah, he was whining all the time since we told him weʼre going to LA.” TK adds suddenly. Heʼs still focused on building the space station but Carlos and Eddie stopped talking quietly and now he hears what theyʼre saying. “Mateo was disappointed too, he wanted to visit his cousin. Marvin? Or something like that.”

“We can organise something bigger so everyone can be there.” Buck agrees. “Eds, we should definitely tell Bobby about it. I donʼt care if itʼs here or in Austin, I can definitely organise it.”

“I have no doubts.” Eddie says fondly and then looks at their guests. “You shouldʼve seen him when he organised a Christmas party for us all with help from Athena. We were all working and our kids were so disappointed by it but Buck basically rescued everything. That was really amazing.”

“Really? You didnʼt even mention that!” TK scoffs. “But nice to know, maybe Iʼll hire you to organise my wedding with Carlos since youʼre so good at this stuff.”

“Oh, I donʼt know. Maybe Iʼd work with Carlos because heʼs so sweet and nice but you? I bet youʼll be a bridezilla.”

TK only throws at Buck a piece of Lego in response, followed by the laugh of both Eddie and Carlos.

━━━━━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━━━━━

Itʼs almost 10pm when TK and Carlos decide to go back to Buckʼs apartment. Christopher already fell asleep but he managed to build the space station with Buck and TK and he was really proud of it, just like both of his helpers.

“Dude, your kid is really amazing. I mean, I donʼt remember the last time when I had so much fun—sorry, babe—and Iʼm really gonna miss him.” TK admits and thereʼs so much honesty in his voice, nobody even questions it.

“Heʼs gonna miss you too, if it helps.” Eddie tells him, grinning softly. “Both of you. But youʼre gonna see him soon. At least I think so.”

“I take your word for it.” TK warns him.

“Well, you can always face time with us.”

TKʼs face instantly lights up and he hugs Eddie.

“I will miss you too, Hollywood.”

Eddie only rolls his eyes.

“Hey, you two big saps, you will see each other tomorrow because weʼre gonna drive you to the airport before our shift.” Buck announces.

“Fineeee.” TK sighs dramatically. “But I think our Uberʼs here so weʼre gonna leave you alone. It was really nice to spend more time with you.”

“Likewise.”

They say their goodbyes eventually and when TK and Carlos are already in the car, Buck takes Eddieʼs hand and smiles widely.

“It was really an eventful 24 hours.” He says.

“It was. Now we only have to prepare ourselves for tomorrowʼs shift. I bet Hen and Chim will be insufferable.”

Buck groans.

“Ugh, they will be. Maybe we should be insufferable too?”

“Buckley, do you have something particular in mind?” Eddie asks, watching his boyfriend carefully. Maybe other people wouldnʼt notice it but heʼs Eddie and he knows Buck too well. He notices that mischievous look in his eyes and heʼs sure Buckʼs up to something.

“I have a few ideas, Diaz.”

“Care to share them with me?”

“Always.”

#911 #911 lone star #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #tk strand #carlos reyes #buddie #tarlos #buck x eddie #tk x carlos #buddie fic #buddie ficlet #911 fic #911 crossover #911 crossover fic #lucy writes #lucy's attempt to write #buddie fanfiction #911 fanfiction

[bibuckbuckley]

You know what? It's no wonder that Eddie trust Buck with Christopher -his heart and soul- more than anyone else in the world and continues to prove it. Because like? Literally in the same conversation that Eddie tells Buck about having a son, Buck immediately reassures him and tries to calm his worries about Chris. But it doesn't stop there. No sir. On that same shift, Buck not only tries to reassure him but he gives him facts (which I'm pretty sure was Buck's first infodump to Eddie but I'm not 100%) to help reassure that the chances that the chances of his son being safe were very high. Like, this is Eddie. A single who's every choice he made after coming back from the Army and becoming a single father was for his son. Christopher is his everything. And Eddie had only started at the 118 for like what? A week or so. They were still getting used to their new lives in LA and then Eddie suddenly has to deal with not only a major earthquake but not being able to contact his son all the while having to save lives. And here Buck. Immediately doing what he can to help Eddie feel at least slightly better about his son and focus on the task at hand. And yes, as his partner, it makes sense for Buck to help Eddie be focused. Like Josh told Maddie in that same ep "We all have people at there we care about. The best thing we can do for them is our jobs".

But it does stop there. It just the beginning.

After their shift is over and they get reception again, Buck drives Eddie to pick up his son - even though I'm pretty sure Eddie drove himself to work earlier that day. And that's how Buck first meets Christopher. By taking Eddie to his son after being worried sick. Buck not only was acting like a great work partner, but a life partner as well. Just one episode after they met and the same episode where he finds out Christopher.

And the very next episode solidifies it. The creme del le creme of the beginning of the Buckley Diaz Family. We get Buck taking Eddie to the hospital when his Abuela breaks a hip watching Christopher - while they were both working - and Pepa tells Buck about Eddie being a single dad and the hardships and we just focus on Buck. Watching father and son and basically going "I'm going to make sure these two get whatever they need" and he did. He called Bobby beforehand so their captain could already get it all cleared for Chris to stay with them for the shift. AND THEN Buck is the one to introduce them to Carla, who became such an important person in their lives.

And this was all just the VERY beginning, when Buck just knew Eddie for like what? A few weeks? Like the foundation that was created in the very first few episodes with Eddie and Buck was just wow.

And it just it keeps on growing from there. Like of course we got the infamous tsunami of Buck not only saving Christopher but going out of his mind and fueled by pure adrenaline and not caring about his own injuries until after he saw Christopher was okay but reunited with his father. And when he doubts himself, dealing with the doubts that every parent deals with of feeling like they failed or not doing enough, Eddie reassures him that with the iconic line "there's no else in this world I trust more with my son than you". And I feel like Eddie already felt that, but the tsunami reaffirm it for him and seeing Buck doubt himself, he had to actually voice.

And then of course we get the skateboard episode where Eddie not only seeks Buck's advice when he's not sure what to do with Christopher and how to help him - when he feels like he failed his son- but we have Buck both give him the advice that Eddie needed to hear and listened to and help him build skateboard for Christopher. They both figured put together what was best for Chris.

Which all culminates to Eddie Begins when Eddie just had a near death experience and what he kept fighting was remembering his son (and Buck was also in a lot of those flashes with Chris) and that he needed to fight for Christopher. But what we later find out is that afterwards he thinks about what would happen to his son if Eddie did die.

And of course Eddie wants his son to go to Buck and no one else. Because, from the very beginning, Buck had been there for Eddie, giving him whatever he needed that would help him for his son. Because even though Eddie would never stop fighting to come back home to his son, he wants someone to equally fight for his son. And no one else even comes close to doing that like Evan Buckley.

And season 4 - with Buck and Christopher playing a prank on Eddie, Chris running away from home to Buck and Buck being the one to fix the problems, and Buck taking care of Christopher after Eddie got shot even though he wasn't doing good himself - just reaffirmed Eddie's decision and point. He just had to finally tell him to remind Buck how important he was to Eddie. How much he trusted Buck with his son who was his heart and soul and entire universe.

Of course Eddie made Buck his son's legal guardian just in case something happened to him. Of course he'd be so confidant in that decision. Of course Eddie knew just how much Buck would fight for his son.

Buck has been doing so since - quite literally - day one.

#buddie #buckley diaz family #eddie diaz #evan buckley #the last gifset i rbed reminded me of 2x02 and now I have a lot of feels #kj makes a post #911onfox

[clusterbuck]

i could spend my life in this sweet surrender

(1.3k, rated G, complete) read it on ao3

Eddie splashes water over his face, as best he can with one hand. He lifts his gaze to the mirror, slowly, like maybe if he sneaks up on it he’ll take his reflection by surprise. Maybe it won’t tell him what he already knows.

He meets his own gaze, and there’s no hiding from it.

Eddie is exhausted. He knows this, of course; he feels it in the way every movement is like dragging his limbs through mud, in the way his bones are heavy like they’re beholden to something stronger than gravity.

But it’s one thing to know it, and another to see it reflected back at him. Dark circles spread like bruises under dull eyes, and his skin is pale, standing in stark contrast to the stubble that’s starting to grow in.

Eddie likes to think he’s been doing a pretty good job of hiding it so far, but this last sleepless night must have tipped him over the edge somehow. There’s no way he’s going to be able to walk out of this bathroom and convince Buck he’s fine.

Which, of course, doesn’t mean he’s not going to try.

He makes it three steps before Buck rounds the corner in front of him and stops in his tracks. Whatever good morning greeting he was about to utter is cut off. “Eddie, are you okay?”

“Just tired,” Eddie tries, and attempts something in the neighbourhood of a reassuring smile, but he thinks he’s mostly just gritting his teeth.

“Just—Eddie, I’ve seen you tired. This is more than just tired.” Buck takes a step forward, moves his hand like he’s about to reach out for Eddie, and then seems to think better of it. Eddie is both disappointed and relieved.

Disappointed, because at any given point in time, there is basically nothing he wants more than he wants Buck to touch him.

Relieved, because he’s barely holding himself together, and if Buck touches him right now he might come apart. He is too tired to keep a lid on his feelings, and if he starts talking, he doesn’t know what’s going to come out. And there are some things that shouldn’t come out, because Buck has done so much for him and Christopher these past few weeks. He doesn’t need to deal with the fact that Eddie is inconveniently, irredeemably in love with him on top of everything else.

“Really tired,” Eddie amends, hoping that admitting it will get Buck to leave it alone.

But it’s Buck, so of course he doesn’t leave it alone. “Nightmares?” he asks, with the sympathy of someone who knows exactly what he’s talking about.

And it would be an easy out—he could agree, and it would be completely believable, and they could move on from this conversation. Because it’s barely been two weeks since he got shot in bright daylight in the middle of LA. Of course he has nightmares.

But it wouldn’t be the truth. He has nightmares, too, but—they’re not what’s keeping him up at night. He’s used to nightmares, to waking up panicking and talking himself down, to sleeping around them enough to remain a somewhat-functional human being. Nightmares he can deal with.

What he can’t deal with is the ache in his shoulder every time he tries to close his eyes. At this point, he can’t even tell if his shoulder actually hurts or if it’s all in his head. All he knows is that no matter how much he tosses and turns, he can’t seem to land on a single position that doesn’t send waves of pain down his arm.

Which has been making it hard to sleep.

“Amongst other things,” he ends up saying. Which… it’s not not true.

“Like what?” Buck asks, narrowing his eyes. Eddie knows this look. It’s his I swear to god, Eddie, if you’re lying to me right now look.

Buck’s gotten a lot of use out of it the past few weeks.

“Just—” Eddie starts, and sighs. He doesn’t know how to explain it without sounding small, and weak, and a number of other things he spends most of his time trying not to be.

“Eddie,” Buck says. Gentle, encouraging, not a hint of reproach.

“There isn’t—I can’t find a position that doesn’t hurt,” Eddie mutters, and looks at the floor.

“Oh,” Buck says, like the thought hadn’t occurred to him. And Eddie hates that, hates the way he knows Buck is feeling inadequate right now, as if Buck isn’t the only reason anything about his life works right now.

“It’s fine,” Eddie says. “I usually pass out eventually, once I get tired enough.”

“It’s—Eddie, that’s not fine,” Buck says. Eddie thinks his tone could most closely be described as mildly horrified. “Sleep is important for healing, I know you know this.”

Eddie shrugs a little, like, what can you do? and then winces at the movement. Something like alarm flashes across Buck’s face.

“Okay,” Buck says a moment later. “Let’s get Christopher set up for school, and then—I have an idea.”

“Should I be worried?” Eddie asks, his default reaction to Buck’s ideas, but Buck just grins.

Half an hour later, Buck leads Eddie into his room and Eddie tries to fight off the instinctive dread that’s started filling him at the sight of his bed.

“Okay, so, I was thinking,” Buck starts, and Eddie thinks there’s a hint of nervousness in his voice. “Your shoulder doesn’t bother you as much when you’re sitting up, right?”

“Right,” Eddie agrees. “But I can’t sleep sitting up, I’d just fall over and end up hurting myself more.”

“What if you didn’t, though?” Buck asks, and gets on the bed, situating himself against the headboard. He stretches his legs out, impossibly long, and spreads them, gesturing at the space in between.

“Buck—” Eddie starts, then cuts himself off, because he can’t think of anything to say that isn’t entirely too vulnerable.

But then he looks at Buck, arms held out like he’s waiting for him, and some of that same vulnerability is painted across his face.

“Just try it.” Buck’s tone is soft, close to pleading. “Eddie, you’re dead on your feet. Surely it’s worth a shot.”

And it’s only because Eddie knows Buck so well that he hears the insecurity in his voice, like maybe Eddie’s hesitation is about Buck somehow. It’s what nudges him to take a step towards the bed, and then another, until he’s awkwardly clambering on and trying to position himself one-handed.

Buck’s arms come up to help him, guiding and supporting without manhandling. Together, they get him settled against Buck’s chest. He leans his head back, and Buck rests his chin on Eddie’s uninjured shoulder.

“Is this okay?” Buck whispers, and Eddie nods against him. His shoulder isn’t completely painless, because this isn’t a utopia and Buck isn’t actually magical, but it isn’t throbbing the way it does when he tries to lie down.

Buck is warm against his back, and it’s surprisingly comfortable. Eddie fights to stay awake, because he wants to spend several hours cataloguing every place Buck’s body is pressed against his so he can return to it later. But the weeks of sleep deprivation are catching up with him, and exhaustion weighs heavy on his eyelids.

He’s half asleep when he feels Buck raise his arms, hovering around him like he’s asking for permission. Eddie can’t find the words in his sleep-addled brain, so he reaches out with his uninjured arm, feeling around until he finds Buck’s arm and pulling it to his waist. There’s a soft huff of laughter in his ear, then Buck’s arms are tightening around him, tangled with his good arm.

Eddie can’t be sure, but he thinks the last thing he feels before drifting off might be Buck’s lips along his jaw.

#buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 fic #buddie #this is just some soft idiots unaware their pining is mutual #as per usual tbh #shush emma #emma writes #time-zone-wise this might be a real dumb posting time but here we are

[tails89]

If you’re still doing the prompts thing, could you do #20 (“This is, without a doubt, the stupidest plan you’ve ever come up with...I’m in.”) with Buddie from 9-1-1 please? And if not, no worries. :)

Hey there, sorry this took so long. Sometimes my brain just doesn't want to cooperate...

Anyway, hope you enjoy (I changed the prompt a lil)

Also posted on AO3

“Here.” The beer appears in Buck’s peripheral vision, and he reaches for it, fingers slipping in the cool condensation that beads down the side of the bottle.

“Thanks man.” He takes a long sip and stares out into the backyard. “Oh, hey. How were parent teacher interviews yesterday?”

Eddie groans and drops heavily onto the porch swing, throwing his legs up on the railing beside Buck’s.

“They were fine,” he says, taking a long drink from his beer.

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound fine,” Buck says, twisting to face Eddie. “Is everything okay with Chris? Is there—"

“Christopher’s fine.” Eddie cuts Buck off before he can get too worked up. “He’s doing well in school, got lots of friends.”

“Oh.” Buck takes a sip of his own drink. “So, what’s the matter then?”

Eddie pulls his feet from the railing and plants them on the porch.

“He’s got this one teacher, and every time I see her, she’s got something to say about me being a single dad.” Eddie leans forward, his elbows braced on his knees. “Like I’m not good enough for him on my own.”

“You know that’s bullshit,” Buck says. “You’re a great dad.”

Eddie just waves him off.

“Anyway, she was going on about my job and how the long hours aren’t fair on Chris and how alone he is... anyway... Chris told her he’s not alone. He said he’s got me and Carla, Pepa and Abuela and... his Buck.”

“Of course, Eds, you know we’re all there for Chris.”

“I know but, I just—I don’t know why I said it.” Eddie leans back against the swing, staring out into the night.

“Said what?”

“I may have told her we were together...”

The half-mouthful of beer goes down the wrong hole and Buck chokes.

“What?” He wipes his sleeve against his mouth to catch the liquid that’s spilled down his chin.

“It just came out. She kept going on about the type of home environment I was providing, and I know I shouldn’t have let it get to me, but—Chris was so excited. I tried to tell him it wasn’t true—"

“Eddie, it’s fine.” Buck fidgets with the label on his bottle. He can’t quite bring himself to look at his best friend, afraid his face will give him away. It makes sense now why Chris was so happy to see him today, and perhaps why it had taken so long for Eddie to get him into bed. “You need to tell him though.”

“I know.” Eddie sighs and drains his beer. “I honestly didn’t think he’d be excited about the prospect of me dating again. We haven’t really talked about it.”

Buck isn’t excited about the idea of Eddie dating again, dating someone else. He keeps his mouth shut though and finishes his beer. The seeds of a very terrible, stupid plan start to take root in his brain.

“Hey, if uh,” the words stick in his throat. “If you need some time, to tell Chris, I don’t mind pretending for a day or two.” Buck’s heart is pounding so loud in his chest, he wonders if Eddie can hear it too. “Just until you do.”

Eddie laughs, tipping his head back against the seat.

“That is, without a doubt, the stupidest idea you’ve ever come up with...” he says, still chuckling.

“Ha, yeah,” Buck plasters a grin on his face. “Pretty stupid.”

“You know what, I’m in,” Eddie says, regaining his composure. “Just for a day or so. I’ve got the rest of the parent teacher interviews tomorrow night and then I’ll sit Chris down and explain it was a misunderstanding.”

“What about the rest of the team?” Buck asks. “We’ve got a ten-hour shift tomorrow. What happens if they find out?”

“They won’t.” Eddie’s tone is warm and reassuring but Buck shakes his head.

“It just takes one,” he points out. “If Maddie finds out, she’ll tell Chim. And if Chim finds out—” he lets his head tip back with a groan, “—he’ll tell everyone.”

“Is it really that big of a deal?” Eddie asks him, planting his feet back on the porch and sitting up.

Yes, because if people find out that they’re ‘dating’ they’ll have questions and Buck can’t handle that kind of scrutiny, not when he’s already harbouring major feelings for his best friend.

“No,” he says instead. “I guess not. It’s just one day. What’s the worst that could happen?”

~

Buck pulls up at the station bright and early the next morning. He parks beside Eddie’s truck, a smile spreading across his face when he realises he has Chris with him.

“Bucky!” Chris's whole face lights up and he throws his arms around Buck.

“Hey bud.” Buck ruffles the kid’s hair and walks with them towards the firehouse. “What are you doing here?”

“Pepa’s running late,” Eddie explains. “She got caught up in traffic, so she’s going to pick Chris up from here. She shouldn’t be long,” he says, addressing Bobby this time.

“It’s not a problem. You hungry Chris?” Bobby asks, matching Chris’ pace as they head for the stairs. “I’ll see what I can rustle up for breakfast and you can tell me all about school.”

Chris nods along enthusiastically, following on behind Bobby.

“Hey Christopher.” Chimney leans over the balcony rail. “You got any fun stories for us kid?”

“Oh yeah!” Chris hands his dad one of his crutches so he can free up a hand to grip the stair rail. “Did you guys know Dad and Buck are dating?”

Every eye in the building turns to them.

The thing about the station is that it’s never truly quiet. There’s always some noise, some movement, no matter the time of day. But in that moment Buck could have heard a pin drop.

Hen is the first to break the silence.

“Alright, pay up.” She waves her fingers in Chim's face. “Better luck next time boys,” she crows, holding out her hands.

“I definitely heard you say November,” Chimney argues.

“I said, before November.” Hen grins. “It’s before November. Now pay up.”

“You couldn’t have waited just a few more weeks?” Chimney asks them. “Really, is that too much to ask?”

“What is happening right now?” Buck stares at his friends in disbelief. “Have you all been taking bets on us?”

Hen and Chimney share a look. “Uh, yes.”

They say it together, Hen bursting into laughter at the indignation on Buck’s face. “Oh please, you think you’re so hard to read? You wear your heart on your sleeve, Buckaroo. I read you.”

She counts the money she’s won, stuffing the notes into her pocket. “You boys just paid for my anniversary dinner. I can’t wait to tell Karen.” She pauses. “I don’t suppose you two also offer babysitting services?”

Buck bites his lip to hold back the panic clawing at his chest. His gaze flicks to Eddie, laughing and reassuring Chris that he’s not in trouble for spilling the beans. He’s acting like it’s nothing—like their whole team hasn’t been plotting behind their backs.

Eddie had promised that no one else would know, but that had gone down the drain in seconds. And now what? Do they keep up the lie or do they come clean? The idea of telling everyone that it’s not real is worse than knowing they’d been betting on him and Eddie getting together. Or do they already know that too? Maybe that’s the next bet and they’re all just waiting.

“I, uh—” Buck takes a half step back. “I’ll just be back in a minute.”

He doesn’t run for the stairs. He keeps his gait even until he’s at the bottom of the staircase and then he makes his escape to the bathrooms.

Buck spends the rest of the day avoiding the team. Well, avoiding them as much as he is able while still doing his job. While they’re at the station, he finds chores to keep himself busy, ignoring the looks he gets from Hen and Chim and ignoring the friendly teasing that he can’t take a joke.

Avoiding Eddie is the worst. Buck can’t bring himself to do it. He constantly finds himself gravitating back towards his best friend, drawn like a moth to a flame.

Buck keeps waiting for Eddie to pull him aside and ask why he’s not keeping his end of the bargain. Eddie keeps looking over at him, face pinched with an expression Buck can’t quite name. He’s probably pissed Buck couldn’t even keep it up for twenty-four hours, and now they’re both going to look like fools in front of the rest of the team.

~

“Thought I’d find you hiding in here.”

Buck glances up from the bunk to catch Bobby leaning in the doorway.

“I’m not hiding.”

“Good, because lunch is ready.” He goes to leave, then stops, rapping his knuckles against the door frame. “For what it’s worth Buck, we’re happy for you. Both of you.”

“Thanks Bobby.” Buck stands slowly, inhaling deeply. He can do this. He can pretend to be dating Eddie in front of his co-workers while also somehow pretending that he’s not wildly in love with his best friend. He’s got this, no problem.

Buck lets the breath go in a rush.

He’s so fucked.

Everyone’s eyes look up as Buck reaches the kitchen. He’s the last to sit and there’s just the one spare seat left beside Eddie.

As he settles into the chair, Eddie bumps their knees together under the table and offers Buck a reassuring smile.

“So,” Chim says reaching for the salad bowl. “I need details. When did this start?” He gestures between the two of them with the salad tongs before loading up his plate.

“Yeah, how long have you been keeping this from us?” Albert pipes up.

Buck swallows against the lump in his throat. They should have come up with something, just in case, but now they have nothing and—

“It was a few weeks after I got home from the hospital.”

Buck glances across at Eddie, brows knit together in confusion.

“I’d broken up with Ana and Buck was over a lot, helping with Chris,” Eddie explains, accepting a plate from Hen. “There was this one day. Buck had just got back after dropping Chris at school and we realised Chris had forgotten to take this book he’d wanted for show and tell.”

Buck can feel his frown deepening. He remembers this.

“Anyway, Buck wanted to go all the way back to Chris’ school to give it to him. Wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Eddie’s looking at him now, holding Buck’s gaze as he recounts the story. The whole team is looking at them, the heat of their scrutiny makes Buck squirm in his seat. “I said it didn’t matter, Chris could just take it another day, but Buck said—"

“It matters to Chris.” Buck feels his face flush. At the time, Eddie had laughed and said something about Buck being too good for them before Buck had run out of the house clutching the book.

“It just kind of hit me, you know?” Eddie finally looks away, reaching for the bread rolls in the middle of the table. “Just how lucky I am to have him and how much he cares about us and… I kissed him.”

There’s a collective gasp from around the table and all eyes turn back on Buck.

“And what did you do, Buckaroo?” Hen asks, leaning forward in her seat.

“I uh—” Buck glances at Eddie, eyes wide. “I kissed him back?”

“Yeah, and it was about damn time,” Chimney shouts around a mouthful of pasta. “You guys are so cute. It’s disgusting.”

~

The rest of the shift is better after that. Everyone seems satisfied by their story and Buck lets himself fall back into his regular comfortable rhythm, hanging with Eddie between call outs. There is still some awkwardness to it, Buck can’t stop his mind from wandering back to that morning, imagining what it would have been like if it had gone more like Eddie’s story. He’s surprised Eddie even remembered it, it had been just another day between the regular doctor and physical therapy appointments that consumed his every waking minute.

He waits until later that night to say anything. Chris is in bed and they’re back on the porch nursing a beer each.

“Can I, uh, ask you a question?” Buck tears at the label on his bottle. “That thing you said at lunch, about how we got together…” He trails off, not quite sure how to verbalise the whirlwind of feelings it had stirred in him.

“Yeah, well I had to say something convincing,” Eddie says, taking a sip of his beer.

“Oh, right. Yeah.” Buck had spent the whole afternoon thinking that maybe, just maybe his feelings for Eddie weren’t as one-sided as he’d initially thought. This though, this is like a bucket of ice water to the face. “I don’t think I can do this, Eds.”

Eddie’s head jerks up.

“I thought I could pretend, but I can’t.”

“Why did you suggest it then?” Eddie doesn’t sound angry. Buck almost wishes he did, it would be easier if the were both yelling at each other. Anything would be better than the soft disappointment in Eddie’s tone.

“I thought—” Buck takes a breath and tries again. “I wasn’t thinking when I suggested it. I think there was just a part of me that thought that getting to pretend with you was better than nothing. It’s not though, it just made it that much more obvious how much I want this— want us.” Putting down his beer, Buck goes to stand. “I’m sorry. I’m gonna go—”

“Wait. Buck.” Eddie catches his arm. “I should have kissed you.”

“What?”

“Chris’ show and tell. I didn’t kiss you that day, but I wanted to. You were just out the door so damn fast.”

“You wanted to kiss me?”

Eddie pulls him back down onto the swing with a fond eyeroll. “We’re you not listening to my story at lunch?” he asks, voice teasing. “I meant what I said about how it just hit me. You’re amazing Buck, and Chris and I are both so lucky to have someone like you, someone who cares with everything you have. I think I’ve loved you for a while, but that morning I knew.”

“I love you too.” Buck knows he’s grinning like an idiot, but right now he doesn’t care. “I know you didn’t kiss me back then but… you can kiss me now.”

And Eddie does.

It starts off soft and slow—a tentative brushing of their lips, but then as neither of them back off it grows more desperate. Buck curls his fingers in the hem of Eddie’s shirt, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

When he finally pulls away, they’re both red-faced and breathing hard.

“So, I guess this means we don’t need to break up,” Buck says with a laugh.

“No,” Eddie agrees. “I plan on keeping you around for a long time.”

#9-1-1 #buddie #evan buckley x eddie diaz #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fanfic #fake dating #my911fanfic

[deluweil]

Buddie 4x14 review - if you haven’t watched it yet don’t read.

The episode starts where we left it, once Buck was on the ground, it seems like he was thrust back into reality. I noticed two things here (connected with 4x13) Eddie didn’t close his eyes until Buck was safe behind the truck on the ground. And the second thing is that Buck was spurred into action the moment Eddie’s eyes closed.

And I mean this was some BAMF Buckley right there, that was SEALS trained Evan Buckley! 😱🤩 It’s like training and instinct kicked in and all that mattered was to get to Eddie and get him help as soon as possible, sniper’s bullets be damned. I gotta say it was executed to perfection❣

Big kudos to both Oliver and Ryan for delivering this whole sequence in a heart-wrenching, beautiful manner.

The shooting doesn’t stop and they get Eddie out of there under fire, I really like the 133 captain and crew, they worked so well with the members of the 118, it seemed effortless. (I’m not touching that subject, but let’s picture Buck lifting Eddie bodily up into his arms and in to the truck for just a second here. - I mean we wanted it but not under these circumstances)

Buck taking the role of medic when finally getting Eddie into the truck, is so amazing, he’s usually the one either in need for treatment or the one who stands back and let’s Hen, Chim and Eddie do the medic stuff, it is their jobs after all, but he doesn’t sit back and let the medics of the 133 to take over, he does it himself. 

He tore Eddie’s uniform’s buttons open (again, that’s not how any of us wished for this to happen), tore the pressure bandage wrap open and pressed it down on the wound, he did not step back from Eddie, until he absolutely has to, at the hospital. 😭

Eddie, my poor baby, was lying on the ground of the truck, bleeding and half conscious and the one thing he focused on was the blood on Buck’s shirt and he asked him if he’s hurt. I mean I could totally cry, because that’s Eddie. Best friend, combat medic, protective and caring, that never goes away even as he’s lying there bleeding. 🥺🥺

Eddie was legit ready to forget his injuries and try to get up and take care of Buck if he was hurt too. He loses consciousness only when Buck assures him that he’s not hurt.

Buck’s frantic litany of “Just hang on, we’re almost there.” and “I need you to hang on” (“I need you”, not we, not Christopher, “I need you”) was really hard to watch, because even though we all read and wrote it in fanfics thousands of times, watching it actually play out was heartbreaking, I totally teared up with Buck there.🥺🥺

For firefighters the job ends at the hospital doors, so Buck naturally, out of instinct stops from following. But that’s Eddie taken away from him and he looks frozen, at that moment he must have thousands of thoughts running around his head.

“You ok Buckley?”

Buck’s broken “No.” was maybe expected, but it was also earth shattering of sorts. This is Buck standing there, knowing (especially after the well incident) that when Eddie is not okay, he’s not either. 😭❤

I want to point out that I loved the fact that the 133 didn’t just drive away or waited outside for the cops, they went in after Eddie. And after trying to check in on Buck, the Captain of the 133 went in too.

I’m going to point out a parallel here between S3 Finale and S4 finale, in 3x18 Eddie asks Buck if he’s ok as his ex-girlfriend was taken in the ambulance with her new fiancé, Buck’s response was “What’s next?” and going back to work. He was okay, because Eddie was with him, and there was still work to be done.

Here in 4x14, Eddie is taken from him to the hospital, and Buck doesn’t know if he’ll live, so Buck’s obvious answer here is ‘No’.

Later we see Buck exiting the hospital, in his firefighter uniform. I’m a little disappointed we don’t see him cleaning up, I know that could have made for a hell of a scene, Oliver would have killed it, and us in my opinion.

Taylor is coming to the hospital, not as a reporter but as a friend. She was worried. I like that side of her, when she knows to put away the reporter and to make sure her friend is in one piece. Her character development is shown beautifully in this scene. 

Buck, in no condition to pretend and speak to the press, turns away from her, he doesn’t trust her at that moment and he doesn’t trust himself not to break down there. He’s teary, still in shock and his hands are shaking like crazy. (in complete contrast to the usual Buck, where he can be in danger or wrap up a crazy rescue and he is normally completely steady.)

Taylor, offered to take Buck to Eddie’s house to see Christopher, telling him he can’t go see Chris looking like he does now. “You can’t got see his son like that.” - At first hear and several others it sounded like “Your son.” - of course it’s not but either way it would have been true too, because in a way Buck has been co-parenting Christopher for a very long time now. And indeed later when Buck gets to Eddie’s house he is washed and dressed in civilian clothes.

The scene with Oli and Gavin killed me! I thought for sure the breaking down will be done in private, but Buck couldn’t hold it together in front of Christopher once he found out Eddie is going to be ok, and Christopher comforting Buck was so so sweet.

Christopher’s “like the ones who fixed you?” Kind of gives us a certain idea as to the conversation Eddie had to have with Christopher when Buck was hurt. His sweet “Then he’s going to be ok,” he says it with such conviction, only adding “right?” only as an afterthought.

And as if he manifested it himself Buck then gets a text from Bobby that tells him that Eddie pulled through surgery and it looks good.

Buck actually dropped the phone from the relief and he started to cry, and sweet, adorable, national treasure Christopher puts an arm around him and tells him that Eddie is going to be okay. I definitely cried with Buck here. It was such a powerful scene and it was portrayed so well by Oliver and Gavin. 

The “it’s going to be okay Buck” was kind of a call back to 3x01 - when Christopher reassures Buck and tells him “You’re going to be okay kid.” - I love these two together so much! ❤❤

When Bobby gives them the talk in the firehouse about how they proceed from there, Buck is standing with his arms crossed, looking completely dejected. And when Hen asks about the safety of their families, Bobby says there's no reason to believe they are in danger, Buck pipes in with “We didn’t have a reason to believe Eddie will get shot helping a kid either.” Buck is traumatized, and worried, he sleeps at Eddie’s house looking after Christopher.

I loved Christopher waking Buck up, and them having cereal breakfast together, a call back to Eddie and Christopher having breakfast together in 2x04. Buck doesn’t sit next to Chris, but across from him - to me it says that the seat between them is usually reserved to Eddie when they’re together at the house.

I love how Christopher’s teasing Buck about him snoring. And Buck is later confused because he’s unsure of whether or not Chris really understands what’s happening, but Carla assures him that he already lost his mother, unfortunately he understands better than he or she thinks. Which again should give people a new appreciation for Christopher’s sunshine child attitude.🥺❤

Carla showing up to take Christopher to school, is showing relief that Buck could finally sleep, which means that he didn’t for at least a couple of nights. She’s also asking him how it feels to go to work, Buck doesn’t even think about the sniper, for him all that matters is that Eddie is not out there with him and it feels off. (call back to 2x18 when Eddie seemed pensive about being back at work but Buck was not with them.)

Carla, bless her, retorts that that is not what she was asking - obviously she meant, she was worried about the sniper, but that is not Buck’s main worry, his head and his heart are somewhere else.

The crane scene was insane! I laughed when Chimney looked to Bobby and asked him “Can you blame him cap?” and Bobby flat out responded “Yeah!” 😂

The rescue was really impressive. However if Eddie ever found out about this he would probably hit Buck over the head with something heavy. It just goes to show that Eddie is Buck’s impulse control and vice-versa.

Bobby and Buck’s interaction wasn’t one of anger, Bobby was terrified and Buck was guilty but unapologetic, because he couldn’t protect Eddie but he could protect the rest of his family, so he did just that. Bobby didn’t have anything to say other than give him the same response Eddie did in Monsters - “Don’t do it again.” - Because for one, in my opinion, Bobby knows where Buck is coming from and also Bobby knows, he knows Eddie is Buck’s impulse control, knows he’s his anchor, he knows that Buck will only be his relatively normal self when Eddie comes back.

I’m not even going to touch the Taylor scene, yes she was worried, and yes she scolded him in a friendly way, but that kiss felt so out of left field for me, especially since Buck was just packing a bag to go stay with Christopher and Eddie was still unconscious at the hospital.

Also she freaking friendzoned him last episode, how fickle do male writers think women are? She gets a little scared and kisses the guy? Lucky they didn’t write in a sex scene! That was an insult to women everywhere in my opinion. It could have been set in so many better opportunities, why now? And if she’s scared now what’s to say that won’t make her leave like Ali did? I have a whole tirade about it but I will let it go for now.

Now I know ya’ll are like - Eddie woke up because his spidey senses told him someone was kissing his Buck (and I do not negate that point lol), but he just woke up and he asked for Buck. I find it so deliriously endearing that I need a moment even as I’m writing this.🤗🤗

I have to point out that there is no scene of Buck, Eddie and she who will not be name together other than the second when Buck walks in (read ran through the hospital corridors) and Eddie has only eyes for his partner. 👀❤

Afterwards it just the two of them, with a brief facetime to Christopher. I love that Eddie thanks Buck for staying with Chris, and Buck pretty much breaks down the logic behind the decision, like a true parent. - Christopher’s comfort came first in Buck’s eyes, and really that just demanded a hug right there.

“Is he doing ok?” 

Buck’s response here, was very honest, a lot more honest than I expected, “better than me.” He said. Buck openly admits to Eddie, “I kinda lost it when I told him you got shot. I’m sorry I should have held it together.” To be honest, I’m very curious as to the ins and outs of Buck and Eddie’s friendship, especially during quarantine, they seem so much closer, a lot more open. More honest than you'd expect two male, straight, lead characters to be with their friends.

Buck would have played it down and shared only the essentials when it’s anybody else. With Eddie he openly saying here, in his own way, ‘I was terrified, and heartbroken, and ‘couldn’t imagine my world without you.’ - ‘I couldn’t function with a clear head.’ - ‘all my masks were shattered.’ 

“You were there for him when I couldn’t be, that’s what matters.” Eddie knows, buck, he understands him better than anyone, he’s telling him here in his own way that it’s okay, and he loves him just the way he is - it was his way to reassure Buck that he was doing just fine.

But Buck’s “Still I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot.” - Eddie looked like he was ready to get up and smack some sense into Buck. 

I want to point out that Buck’s response to Eddie being hurt or in danger is nowhere near the same as his response to anyone else in danger. Case in point in 4x14 is Bobby, he is inside, probably injured, in a fire with a gunman - if it was Eddie, Buck would have waited 0.1 seconds before he disappeared back into the flames to help Eddie. 

With Bobby, he was calm, cool, calculated, he knew what Athena would do because that’s exactly what he would have done if it had been Eddie and he is ready with helpful details and a plan. He wants to go with her, but doesn’t argue when she says no. 

Eddie is Buck’s Bobby, and it reflects all throughout this episode, and I think I had some parallels pointed out in 4x13 too. So I don’t know what scripts Tim reads or if we’re all watching the same show but buddie exists and thriving as far as I’m concerned.

Buck is also the one to pick Eddie up at the hospital - he tells him that the nurse is getting his meds and discharge papers ready, which means that Buck did all that process, he was busy getting Eddie discharged. (Take a moment to soak it in.)😌

Eddie sits Buck down to talk, to be honest this talk went pretty much the way I expected it. 

Eddie explains why he had his will updated, and that Buck is Christopher’s legal guardian if anything happens to Eddie. - I love that after all this time, sweet Buck is still surprised. 

He asks if Eddie didn’t need his consent for this and Eddie’s reply is: “My attorney said you could refuse.”  

I also love, that even shell-shocked, Buck knows that Eddie knows him “You know I wouldn’t.”

And Eddie assures him that he does in fact know Buck, and he knows that Buck loves Christopher as much as Eddie does “I know you wouldn’t.” 

(”I had to do it.” - “Yeah, I know you did.” this was a call back to 4x05 where Eddie understood why Buck did what he did. And knowing what we know now, I can assume that even though Eddie understood and forgave Buck, he didn’t have to like it.)

“No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you.” - call back to 3x03 anyone? 

“There’s no one I trust with my son more than you.” - and Eddie proves it time and again.

And here he is basically giving Buck permission to give hell to his parents or anyone who tries to take Christopher away from His Buck. - And I love it!! 🤗❤

Buck, smart, handsome guy that he is, asks the right question again - “Why are you just telling me now?”

“Because Evan.” That first name that even took Buck by surprise, because Eddie only ever called him Buck, to our knowledge anyway. - Eddie was talking to Evan Buckley, not Buck, and yes they are two separate entities living inside one hunky firefighter. - This is Eddie saying, I know you’re frayed around the edges, I know I’m asking for a lot right now but I need you to hear me.

“You came in here the other day and you said it would have been better if you who were the one who was shot,” and I think for Eddie, who was lying on that firetruck floor bleeding out, and his only concern was that Buck may have been hurt, that was the worst thing Buck could have said. 

“you act like you’re expandable but you’re wrong.” 

Eddie has been where Buck is at that moment, losing his wife, watching his best friend nearly die time and again. - Really at this point Eddie just wants him safe, and if telling him about Christopher is what will do the trick, then he is not above playing dirty.

Eddie is telling Buck, you are my partner, you are Christopher's second parent, I love you, Christopher loves you, I don’t know what I’d do without you. - Because Eddie has been without Buck before and he was completely lost. - And that’s before they became even more intertwined as they are now. 

I love the second before Buck and Eddie enter, Eddie’s house, before Buck opens the door, Eddie looks like he’s steeling himself to get in and Buck has a knowing grin on his face, somewhere between ‘ready?’ and ‘they’re happy you’re back be nice.’ 👀😂

I hated the jump forward, but everyone standing on the roof looking good and Eddie with those sunglasses? wow!! 🥵🤩

This was an all out buddie episode, and I was totally there for it!! I really hope for many more, because these two give me life!!

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #LIs who? #christopher diaz #buck is christopher’s second dad #it's pretty much canon now #buddie and bathena parallels #call back #9-1-1 4x14 #9 1 1 on fox #9-1-1 on fox #9 1 1 spoilers #❤❤❤

[clairecrive]

“Holding horses”- Ronnie Kray x reader

this is for the anon that asked: Hello, could you do 46. "Please don't say that about yourself. Please don't believe that. You're so much more than that. You're so..." from the prompt list with Ronnie, please?

A/N: gosh it’s been so long since I’ve written for Ronnie. Hope it doesn’t seem weird. Also, I’ve just noticed that I’ve only ever written for him. I wonder what that says about me lmao. Anyway, hope you enjoy x

Warning: none, I mean it’s Ron but it’s fluff all the way

Taglist: @mollybegger-blog​, @evelynshelby​, @br0ck-eddie​, @shadow-of-wonder​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @fandom--0verdose​, @sopxhiea​, @fuseburner​ (let me know it you want to be added or removed)

You had heard about the fight. You didn't bat an eyelid though. Given their job and simply knowing their dispositions, the twins were always in some fight. It wasn't exactly news. You could almost state that it was their routine.

However, the call you received from Reggie certainly wasn't.

Usually, you'd go to their bar to see Ronnie in the evenings. You tried to make it at least three times a week, not counting the weekend, but whenever they got in a brawl or whatever kind of fight, you'd always be there to welcome him.

Despite his burly looks and brash gestures, Ronnie deeply enjoyed your presence after such a display of violence. He said it grounded him. You also thought that you nurturing him, taking care of his wounds or simply touching him gently, stroked that sensitive hidden part of himself that made him so very Ronnie but was squashed deep inside him.

This time, it seems that it was that very part that had been bruised. Reggie had called to give you some heads up on how to deal with Ronnie now that he was going to see you.

Control was something that defined both twins. How quickly he could lose it particularly defined Ronnie.

He had never lost it on you, but you had been there when he had countless of times. While it was true that he was prone to anger, he was also very quick in cooling off. Maybe that only really happened when you were near but as far as your experience with him went, he managed to hold his horses fairly easier than anyone who ever witnessed his anger fits would think.

At first, you thought it was because he was in public and he had a reputation to uphold but you discarded that thought quickly as you realised that he didn't give a diddly squat about others' opinion of him. There were few who Ronnie cared for, they could be count on one hand. There were his twin and his mother of course and then you.

It took you a while to realize that you were among those selected few he trusted completely and when you started to notice how he tended to restrain his reactions when you were around, the awareness stroke you.

It was for you that the club wasn't being refurnished twice a week because Ronnie had broken everything in one of his fits. It was for you that the club wasn't suspiciously closed in during the busiest hours. The thought, wasn't as comforting as one would think.

It would be if it was Ronnie's way of shielding her from the ugliness of his world. And maybe in that played a small part in his behaviour. The biggest part though, was played by fear. His fear of letting you see the very core of him, that part that would always drove people away, scared them. The fear of loosing you.

You had never shied away from that part of him. When you had professed your love for him, you meant every little thing that made him Ronnie. But fear was an interesting thing, it didn't listen to reason nor logic. So all of your talks and reassurances would be rendered null by a word or two said by others if they happened to confirm what Ronnie thought was true. That he was a monster. That he was a freak. That he should be locked away.

When he finally arrived at the pub where you were waiting for him in his office, it took one look at the anguish on his face for you to realise that someone had rub salt in his never-healing wounds.

"Ronnie," you tried tentavily as you watched him pace the room furiously, hands in his hair, heavy breath as he tried at keeping calm. You knew better than approach him when he was like this so you stayed in your place behind his desk waiting for his anger to simmer even the tiniest bit to make a move.

It seemed as though he was loosing a battle to himself though 'cause not a second after you had opened your mouth, his fist hit the wall once, twice , three times before his head fell against it followed soon by his  slouched body.

You watched as his back rised quickly up and down for a while and when you noticed it rising and falling in a less frantic rhythm, you knew it was okay for you to approach him.

"I know what you're thinking Ronnie," you spoke as you walked to him so as to alert him that you were moving, "Please don't believe that."

Your hands gently touched his muscly back before moving to his front so that you were embracing him. Your forehead pressed between his shoudlerblades and you let out a big breath trying to coarxe him to emulate your breathing. Only when his right hand gently closed on yours you spoke again, "You're so much more than that, baby."

At this he realised a shaky breath, his shoulders tensed remembering what were no doubts harsh words but relaxed when you pressed a kiss where your head had been. Not stopping there, you trailed butterfly kissed from his shoulders all the way to his neck and jaw. As your mouth moved up you could feel him relaxing more and more under your touch. When you raised on your tippy toes to press a kiss on his right cheek, he turned his head a bit to lean into your kiss. Taking him by surprise, you maneouvred yourself so that you moved under his raised arms and was now standing between him and the wall.

Human contact and closeness were natural remedies to get someone to calm down. Whether it was an universal knowledge or not, it had always worked wonders for Ronnie.

Welcoming you into his embrace, he lowered his arms so that they were around your shoulders while his forehead leant to meet yours. Taking his shirt in your fists, you pulled it to get him to get even closer to you.

Shifting your head a bit so that your mouth touched the shell of his ear, you whispered sweet nothings into it, remembering all the things you loved about him. All the things that made him so very special and that no one knew.

Five, ten minutes passed like this. When you felt his plump lips touching your shoulder, you knew that he was himself again. Rage had left his body.

Holding him tight, you searched for his eyes before speaking again, always in a soft voice, "Let's home, hm? I have a surprise for you."

Humming, he agreed with you and took a step back to give you space to move. He didn't move very far though, only a step back from you, one of his arms still on you. And that remained so even when you stepped out of his office and eventually out of the club, all the way home.

#ronnie kray #ron kray #ron kray imagine #ron kray imagines #ron kray x reader #ron kray x you #ronnie kray x reader #ronnie kray x you #ronnie kray imagine #the kray twins #legend #tom hardy #tom hardy imagines #tom hardy x reader #ron kray angst #ron kray fluff

[lemonzestywrites]

sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

paring: buck x eddie

word count: 2,268

tw: panic attacks, implied claustrophobia 

[ao3 link]

_____

Buck has never been a fan of the dark. Especially as a child, the thought alone had brought along too many nightmares and memories of running to Maddie’s room to make her double-check for monsters under his bed. It doesn’t bother him as much anymore, but still, every now and again, on nights where his anxiety is all too present for his liking, the same twinge of uneasiness will find itself scratching away at his brain.

He hasn’t felt it in a while, but that itch has been sitting at the base of his subconscious since he’s clocked in for his shift, and now Buck can’t help but be on edge. He tries his best to ignore it and go on with his day, but the next 12 hours tick by with a foreboding weariness he can’t quite place.

The hospital only makes it worse. The plain white walls, the PA system going off every other minute, the frigid cold that sticks to his skin, he hates all of it. There’s a small voice in the back of his head that wonders if it’s just the result of having been admitted so many times. It doesn’t feel like all too sure of reasoning, but he’d rather not linger on the thought too long. So instead, Buck settles for it and chalks it up to nerves, making a mental note to bring it up during his next session with Dr. Copeland. Until then, he should be fine.

Emphasis on should.

Because apparently, the universe gets a real kick out of watching Buck suffer since it wasn’t enough that the hospital’s power went out- no, the entire fucking city got hit with a widespread blackout. And if that wasn’t worrying enough, Eddie hasn’t been answering his radio, and Buck’s phone isn’t working either. He does his best to stay calm, really he does, but with every passing minute of radio silence, the sick coil of nerves knotted in his stomach only gets tighter and tighter.

After 10 minutes of no response, Bobby had given Buck the go-ahead to go look for Eddie, and that’s all he needed before he’s off, weaving through the halls of the hospital heading to where he’d seen him last. If it weren’t for whatever shred of self-control in him, Buck would probably be sprinting through the building by now.

Eddie’s been back to work for only about a couple weeks now. And he’s doing great (obviously, he wouldn’t have gotten cleared to go back if he wasn’t). Buck is happy for him- happy that his best friend is back. God knows the last couple of months had been rough without Eddie, he had spent the last couple of years carving out and filling a special place in the station especially reserved for him, and then all of a sudden, it had been vacant again.

Buck is excited that he’s working again, really he is. But now the energy between them feels…different, and he knows why- they both do. It’s not like Buck had expected them to come back completely fine either. But even months after the shooting, they still have yet to talk about any of it. A part of him feels like they should, but in the months he stayed over at Eddie’s, helping out however he could during his recovery, Buck could see the toll everything had taken on him, both physically and mentally. Eddie didn’t seem ready to unpack that with him yet, and Buck wasn’t going to push him.

It’s fine. He knows Eddie has been going back to therapy. They’ll talk whenever he’s ready.

Buck does his best to give Eddie his space, let him, you know, do his job, but the past weeks feel like he’s been doing nothing but living on the edge. Every time Eddie’s out of his sight for too long, he can hear a voice screaming at him, ‘Where is he? Is he okay? Find him. Protect him. Find him. You said you’d have his back. Your fault. Your fault. Your fa-’

Then Eddie will turn the corner, and Buck’s lungs will release a breath he hadn’t known he was holding on to. He hopes it’ll take the fear, too, that with every sigh won’t just be a release of pressure but help let go of the irrational worry he has. But it never does. It eats away at him, taunting him with the idea that Eddie might get hurt again, but this time Buck won’t be there to help him.

(God, they really should talk.)

He still doesn’t bring it up. Instead, Buck sets aside his apprehension and tries not to indulge in the panicked voice in his subconscious. He’s been getting better at it.

At least he was.

All it took was 15- no, 16 minutes now- of radio silence for Buck’s heart to start pounding against his chest in rapid succession. For the nervousness to shoot through his veins, thrumming all the way down to the tips of fingers as they twitch with a numbing unease. He treads through the halls keeping his head on a swivel, alert and attentive to trying to find his best friend in the sea of patients and doctors. Eddie’s probably somewhere in the hospital helping out the staff; he is a medic after all. Yet despite any amount of reasoning Buck tries to apply, the sickening feeling in his stomach doesn’t seem to dissipate. It’s been 16 minutes, and he hasn’t had any luck. He’s even circled the floor twice just to be sure, but still, nothing.

He’s considering doing another lap when he hears it- the distant noise of someone banging on metal coming from behind the elevator doors. The sound is so faint, paired with the loud frenzy of the rest of the hospital floor, that Buck almost doesn’t hear it.

He rushes to the doors, pressing his ear flushed against it. He can hear someone yelling, but the voice is too muffled to make out what they’re saying.

“Eddie?” He calls out, no doubt getting a couple odd looks from the passing medical staff, but he pays them no mind. He bangs on the doors a couple times before yelling again louder, “Eddie! It’s Buck- can you hear me?”

There’s a beat of silence before the pounding continues again, this time with much more force in response. Buck doesn’t waste any time before he digs his fingers between the doors, using everything he has to pry them apart. The muscles in his shoulders and arms strain, but the creaking of metal offers enough motive to keep him going. Even if it’s not Eddie, it still means someone’s trapped down there.

(A selfish part of him still hopes, though.)

Once the doors are opened wide enough for him, Buck drops to his stomach to peer down into the elevator currently caught between two floors. Even with the little light he does have, he sees a curled-up shadow crouched in the corner below him, “Eddie?”

The person shifts, “Buck?”

There’s nothing more Buck wants than to revel in the relief he feels when he finally hears Eddie’s voice, but it quickly scatters when he notices the trembling panic coated in his tone.

“It’s me,” Buck reassures with as much steadiness he can force out and just hopes that Eddie doesn’t hear the way his voice shakes out the words. “Are you okay?”

Eddie sucks in a sharp breath. “I don’t know. I-I can’t breathe.”

Buck’s mind starts to spin, panicking on what to do now. The gap in between the doors isn’t that big, so it’s not like he can slip down there with Eddie or pull him out either. He has enough sensibility to grab at his radio to at least let Bobby aware of his status, “Cap, I found Eddie. He’s trapped in an elevator stuck between the 7th and 6th floors.”

A few seconds pass before he hears Bobby’s voice on the other end, “Okay, we’re working on getting the hospital’s backup generator working. Stay with him until we can get it back online, then we’ll head up to you.”

Eddie lets out a strangled noise at his words. The twinge of panic in Buck’s stomach only coils tighter when he realizes how Eddie’s breathing seems to pick up, now coming out in quick hallow shivers.

‘He’s having a panic attack.’ Buck realizes.

It takes less than a couple seconds after for Buck to murmur a hasty “copy that” into his radio before he readjusts his focus back to his friend.

He’s not unfamiliar with panic attacks, his or Eddie’s, most of which being the results of nightmares that seem to linger when dusk settles. During the last few months, Buck has lost count of the nights that either one of them has woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air, and in the midst of alarm and fear, craving a recognizable magnetism of being held. A silent want to be assured protection and comforted.

It’s sick now. How there’s nothing more Buck desires than to provide that same security now, but the small two-foot gap between the elevator doors draws out to what feels like miles of distance.

Even though he can’t crawl down there with him, Buck finds himself reaching into the elevator shaft as far as he can, “Eddie, can you grab onto my hand for me?” Listen- he knows what he’s doing isn’t entirely safe, sticking his arm into an elevator that hasn’t been secure yet. But the sound of Eddie’s breath coming out in nothing but shaky huffs is more than enough to make him forgo any logic.

From within the enclosure of the elevator, he feels Eddie grasp his hand with an iron grip, the distress trembling at his fingers.

“Hey, I’m here, I’m right here, alright?” Buck presses the conviction through his tone, his best attempt to override his own uncertainty. “Do you think you can try and take some deep breaths?”

Buck can faintly make out the silhouette of Eddie nodding, “Y-Yeah,” he mutters. “Yeah, I can try.”

“We can do them together,” Buck offers. He takes a deep breath himself, and from below him, he hears Eddie take one too. Unconsciously, Buck starts to tighten his hold in tandem with their breathing, squeezing his hand on an inhale, loosening his grasp on the exhale. He hadn’t really realized he’s doing it until after a couple breaths, Eddie starts doing it too. And with each squeeze, his grasp slowly becomes more determined and less shaky. It doesn’t take long for them to eventually sync up for the tremor in Eddie’s hands to fade.

A couple more moments pass, and his breathing begins to steady more.

“How you doing down there, Eds?”

“Can you…”, he clears his throat, an attempt to hide how wrecked he sounds. “Can you talk to me?- About anything, it doesn’t matter.”

Buck rattles his brain for something, anything to talk about before he remembers the nature documentary he had watched several nights prior, “Did you know toucans are born blind?”

He hears Eddie laugh; it comes out breathless and nervous, but it’s a laugh nonetheless, “Really?”

“Yeah, ironically enough, they also aren’t great at flying either. They usually hop from one branch to another to get where they want to go.”

“Tell me more?” He asks, his voice quiet.

Buck smiles and keeps going, rambling about birds for a while. He doesn’t really know for how long, and at some point, he loses his awareness of what he’s saying, more focused on Eddie than anything else. Faintly, he wonders if his arm is getting tired by now.

“You know, Chris has been learning about biomes and ecosystems in school…he’d love to hear all this stuff.”

“You can tell him all about it after work.” He reassures.

Eddie’s hand twitches in his palm. “How much longer?” Buck can hear the dread creeping back into his tone.

“I…”

Not too long. He wants to promise, but the words get caught in his throat. There are a lot of things Buck can do- lying to Eddie isn’t one of them. “I-I don’t know.” He finally admits, the shame dripping down from him. “We’re gonna get you out of here.”

Eddie laughs, yet this time there’s no shred of humor in his voice, “I’m not sure if I can last any longer down here, Buck.” God, he sounds on the verge of tears.

“What can I do?” Fuck, at this point, Buck would do anything. Hell, he’d pull the damn elevator up himself if he had to. Whatever it would take to get Eddie back on safe ground.

“Just-” A pained noise escapes him, “Please don’t leave.”

Buck swears his heart fucking shatters. “Hey.” Even though he can’t see exactly where Eddie is, he does his best to look him in the eye before he squeezes his hand, “I’m not leaving your side, okay?”

The first thing Buck’s fire instructor had said during his training at the academy was never make a promise you can’t keep. Buck knows how important promises are to people, especially in states of emergencies. In the middle of chaos, those two words are all anyone needs to cling to. So that’s why, when Eddie looks at him, with what little light there is provided catching the edges of his watery eyes laced in fear and worry, Buck doesn’t hesitate to grip his hand as tight as he can. To hold on and look at Eddie with all the conviction and certainty he has and tell him,

“I promise.”

#hi there! i hope you enjoyed this fic! #zestywrites #911 #911 fox #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Taylor will never be comfortable being Buck’s third favorite person if they start dating. And I say third because Buck will always have devotion and affection for Eddie and Chris more than her if they start dating. There will never come a time when Buck chooses her over them. Ever. Imagine they’re dating in 5A and she wants to have a date night, but Chris wants Buck to come over for their movie nights or play video games or read books together. You KNOW Buck is gonna choose to go over to Eddie’s place because he never wants to see Chris sad and he never would stand Chris up for anything. You KNOW he would just turn to Taylor and be like 🤷🏼‍♂️ I have to go.. and Taylor would be like no you don’t HAVE to. You just want to. I’m your girlfriend!! And Buck would just stare at her, kind of confused and a little hurt that she doesn’t understand his devotion to Chris. Let’s say Chris has a birthday party that Eddie wants to plan as a surprise party- he wants Buck to help plan because Buck is basically dad #2 now and he knows Buck would want to help plan. And Buck is all excited like we know he would be. And he helps plan it but the birthday party falls on a day where Taylor finally has time off and Buck has time off and she wanted to have a movie night or something and she’s mad Buck is choosing Christopher over her again. And Buck still has that faraway, kicked and confused puppy look in his eyes. Because ‘how could she not understand?’ And he gets into an argument with both Eddie and Taylor. Taylor says she feels like Buck is never around and he’s her boyfriend and Eddie says that why do you act like this is a painful choice. No one is forcing you to do anything. If you wanna spend more time with your girlfriend than with us, who will always have your back and understand you, then go. Just go! And Buck is just at a standstill and doesn’t know what to do. He does, but he doesn’t want to do it. His relationship with Taylor would never workout because she doesn’t seem like the type to want a stable and healthy relationship right now given how she kissed Buck when he was traumatized and acted like she’s been crushing on him for a while but she just got through turning him down recently. That doesn’t seem like someone who respects a person enough to want a relationship with them, even when they’re not traumatized. And Buck has abandonment issues and insecurities about himself that she will never even try to make him feel better about. She’s not an evil person by any means but she has not once gone the lengths Eddie has, repeatedly on numerous occasions, to reassure Buck that he is not expendable, he is perfect the way he is and he has people that love him. She doesn’t love Buck and she will never understand that Buck will always place her third after Eddie and Chris. So I just don’t see the point of whatever is going on with them going into s5. I just see her being super petty about Buck always putting them first over her and Buck ignores it until he can’t. And I also see Eddie being petty about Taylor but he tries to push it down most of the time

Oh my nonnie I swear I felt like I was reading a fanfic and lowkey wanted more 🙈 like if you dip your toe in writing fanfic and make this into one, sign me up! All valid points have been made. I don’t see Buck prioritizing anyone before Eddie and Chris. They’ve been such a strong family unit for so long that it’s truly going to be a weird juggling act he’s going to try to do with them and his new relationship. Honestly here’s my take on this matter. Let’s say we do see Buck and Taylor dating. Yeah he’s putting the Diaz boys before her and that’s irritating her. But what if she’s prioritizing her job before him? She’s still very career driven and I can see this parallel Buck and Abby from s1 where she was either prioritizing her job or her mother before their relationship. Maybe both of them are putting more effort into anything other than their relationship? Either way, you’re absolutely right. Eddie has repeatedly reassured Buck of his importance and worth in not only his life but his sons as well. He’s been Buck’s support system and has helped Buck in more ways than one and vice versa. I wanna see Eddie pining and jealous (bc we love petty jealous king Eddie Diaz) but I also wanna see that distinct contrast between Buck’s relationship with Taylor & Buck’s relationship with Eddie+Chris.

#juju answers #anon asks #buddie #anti bucktaylor

[buckleyydiaz]

what he deserves

Ship: Buck/Eddie

Summary: It had to be done - someone had to do it, to make sure Buck got the best in life, what he truly wanted. As the old adage says, “if you love someone, let them go.” Eddie could only hope it paid off in the end, because it really wasn’t feeling as though it would.

Words: 2.4k

Eddie didn’t want to be angry at Buck - it felt wrong, went against every fibre of his being, to feel so pissed off with Buck, of all people, his best friend, his partner, the most selfless man he knew, who would never do anything with the intent of hurting anyone else.

But anger was easy. Anger was familiar, being consumed by a burning rage was comfortable, easy, no matter how much he didn’t like it - no matter how much it scared Eddie, because it was too easy - and he couldn’t afford to fall back into old habits.

What Eddie was certain of, however, was that he would rather be pissed off at Buck, he would rather risk going back to what he swore to himself, to Buck, that he would never do again, than move beyond the anger. Because he didn’t know what would lie beyond it, but he was sure it would be a hell of a lot more frightening than all of the possibilities which anger provided him with.

He knew if he hadn’t stopped attending therapy as soon as it had stopped being mandated for him, that his therapist would have most likely told him that he had to move past anger, that he had to acknowledge what he really felt, but that was bullshit. Therapy had never really been Eddie’s thing, anyways.

So Eddie would sit and let his anger stew for a while, letting it simmer inside, burning him up from the insides - he deserved it anyway, he thought, as he tried desperately to make excuses to his own mind as to why it was right for him to do what he so clearly knew to be wrong.

He deserved to hurt himself by letting the anger build, he decided, because he simply managed to miss that something was so significantly wrong with Buck, that he wasn’t - wouldn’t be - happy in their relationship. Eddie had never wanted to do anything but protect and love Buck, but he had done nothing but fail at that, evidently.

It was all just made worse by the fact that Buck didn’t say anything, that he never had. He had never mentioned that he wanted more, that just Christopher and Eddie couldn’t be enough for him.

Instead, Eddie found out because he simply happened to walk past at just the right - or as it felt, wrong - time.

“I’ve always wanted a kid of my own.”

That was all it took. Eddie didn’t even know what on Earth Buck had been talking about with Chim for that to come up, but it had, and that was all that mattered.

Eddie would bend over backwards for Buck, he would do almost anything he could to make things as good as they could be for him, because he deserved it, but of course, the one thing that Buck wanted, was the one thing that Eddie was unable to provide.

A child. Of his own.

Eddie had always known that Buck loved children - he had made that clear from very early on in their friendship, and the way he was with Christopher was proof. Buck had proven that he would walk through hell and back for him, and Eddie knew that Buck was his son’s absolute favourite person in the world. He had always figured that would be enough for Buck, had always hoped it would be, because Eddie couldn’t give Buck a child of his own, nor was he sure if he was in a position in his life to have another child, if it were even a distant possibility.

As he thought about it, the anger began to dissipate, much to Eddie’s disappointment, because he knew what was coming.

Waves of sadness began to wash over him, and as they crashed and crashed, it felt like he was drowning. He preferred the violent, scorching pain of rage, to this dull, aching feeling that left him desperately gasping for breath, for a tiny bit of happiness, that was nowhere to be found.

Eddie hated to wallow in self-pity, but it was better to sit alone and sulk than to force anyone else to deal with his chaos, his broken heart.

Because he knew, no matter how much he wished he could, that he would do whatever it took to make Buck happy.

The strange selflessness was proof of Buck’s impact, proof of all of the ways he had changed Eddie for the better. And now Eddie had to do just one thing, one tiny thing, for the betterment of Buck’s life.

He had to let go, no matter how much it hurt, or how much he hated doing it. Buck would never do it for himself, not even if it was holding him back from happiness.

--

Eddie wasn’t sure which had been harder - breaking up with Buck, watching his crestfallen expression, which did nothing to make Eddie feel better about breaking his own heart on some Buck-esque self-sacrificial attempt at doing the right thing, or telling Christopher that Dad and Buck weren’t dating anymore, that Buck wouldn’t spend almost every night with them anymore. Both just made Eddie wish he could have stayed oblivious, that it then wouldn’t have been him that was the bad guy who had to do the breaking up - which, he had realised, would probably lead to him being alienated at work (they had all always liked Buck more than him, not that he could fault them for that, he felt the same way, but it meant that there would be hell to pay for hurting him, even though it was for Buck) - and who had to break the news to his son.

But it had to be done - someone had to do it, to make sure Buck got the best of life, what he truly wanted. As the old adage says, “if you love someone, let them go.” Eddie could only hope it paid off in the end, because it really wasn’t feeling as though it would.

--

When Eddie turned up to the 118 for his next shift, it was clear everyone knew what had happened. Buck had told Maddie, who had told Chim, and before long, the entire firehouse knew exactly what Eddie had done.

Eddie Diaz had been just the next in line to break Buck’s heart, just as Abby had before him, which he had sworn to never do. He was certain he was angrier at himself for doing so than anyone else, but he also knew it was for the best. It was for Buck. It had to be.

But all of the excuses he had for his actions within his head meant nothing to the others, who refused to so much as talk to him in passing, which only felt worse, because their shift was so quiet, and they were stuck there, just them.

While Hen, Chimney, Bobby and Buck sat up in the kitchen, each doing their own thing but sharing the space, Eddie had isolated himself to the gym - it was easier to be on his own of his own volition, and to pretend it wasn’t essentially going to be forced upon him.

Eddie tried to lose himself in what he was doing, tried to get each punch to the bag to take him further out of his mind, with little success, although it had rendered him unaware enough of his surroundings that he had not noticed Hen walking up behind him for far too long, not until she cleared her throat to get his attention.

He kept his back turned to her, not particularly keen to be chewed out for breaking up with Buck, for hurting him, when Buck was hardly the most hurt in the situation.

“Eddie, what happened?” She asked, as Eddie continued to try and tune her out. “You were both so happy.”

Eddie rolled his eyes at Hen’s words, because that’s what he had thought too, but he kept his focus firmly on the punching bag in front of him.

“Clearly not,” he muttered, not even sure that Hen would hear him, but she did, and reached out to touch his shoulder, causing him to turn around.

“Look, I can’t deal with you berating me for upsetting poor little Buck right now, okay, and I don’t think it’s really even your place to get involved.”

Eddie felt a little bad for snapping at her, but at the same time, he didn’t have the capacity to deal with the consequences of actions he hadn’t even wanted to take - not yet.

Hen, however, was clearly unbothered, used to dealing with people far ruder than Eddie, on what could be as often as a daily basis, in their job.

“Hey, I haven’t come here for Buck. I wanted to make sure you are okay, this can’t have been easy on you, and I hope you don’t think we are all against you.”

That made Eddie feel the slightest bit better, to have someone who wasn’t against him, when even he himself was conflicted on it, but it left him unsure as to what to say, because he wasn’t okay, but any attempt at a lie, Hen would almost immediately see right through him. He had to try anyway.

“I’m fine Hen, it's fine.”

As he predicted, Hen immediately gave him a look along the lines of are you fucking kidding me, not taking his bullshit for one moment.

“No its not, Eddie, and if you don’t want to talk about it with me, fine, but for the love of God, please talk to someone, okay?” After a moment where neither spoke, she began walking away, but briefly turned around - “You are as much our family as Buck is. It’s not that we don’t care about you, or blame you, it’s just much harder to tell when something is wrong than with Buck.”

Any other time he would have rolled his eyes at what she was saying, but to be honest, he appreciated the reassurance, because when they were all ignoring him, but were so concerned about Buck, it stung, just a bit, even if he deserved it.

“He wants a kid.”

Hen faced Eddie again, furrowing her eyebrows as she tried to work out what Eddie meant - Buck had always been so happy with Eddie and with Christopher.

“I heard him say it to Chimney. He wants a kid, one of his own.”

Eddie looked up from his hands, which he had been fiddling with as he spoke softly, to see Hen looking at him pityingly, but also to see Chim walking towards them, seemingly summoned by his name.

“Aw, Eddie, are you sure he meant that? Maybe it was out of context? Because you know that Buck loves Christopher like his own.”

“Well clearly that wasn’t enough for him!” He exclaimed, anger flooding through his veins as he tried to rein it back in - it wasn’t Hen’s fault that he hadn’t been enough for Buck, the same way he hadn’t been enough for Shannon. “So it’s done now. He can go off and find some woman and have a kid of his own. It’d be unfair of me to hold him back from that.”

Chim must have been close enough to hear what Eddie was saying, as a look of realisation, mixed with the same pity on Hen’s, painted his face.

“That’s not what he was saying, you know? Buck is so in love with you, and Christopher is his entire world. You are both everything that he has ever wanted.”

Eddie looked at Chim curiously, confused, because Chim had been a part of the initial conversation, and what he was saying seemed so far the opposite of what he had heard.

“Buck has always wanted a kid of his own, and he has one now, thanks to you - or he did.”

Eddie wondered if Hen and Chim could tell that the only thing he could think was oh shit. He had just ruined the best relationship he had ever been in over a misunderstanding.

“Go get him back, Eddie,” Hen said, smiling, and Eddie knew he had to do just that.

He made his way up the stairs to the kitchen area, trying to work out how on Earth he could grovel enough to make up for what he did. Eddie found Buck sat alone, Bobby having returned to his office.

“Buck, I- uh, I need to apologise,” Eddie began, looking at Buck, his eyes red and puffy, which just tugged on his heartstrings to see, knowing he was the cause.

Buck wouldn’t even look up at him.

“I, uh, heard you talking to Chim.”

Eddie watched as Buck looked up, horror all over his face.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep Eddie, I know Christopher is just your son and always will be, I just… love you both.”

Buck’s apology confused Eddie for a moment, because none of this was remotely his fault, Buck hadn’t said anything wrong - what part of the conversation was he even referring to? - but was he surprised by the show of Buck’s self-flagellating nature? Not particularly - Buck never had mastered being nice to himself.

“Overstep? You are my best friend, we are family! You could never! I thought you didn’t want us anymore.”

It was Buck’s turn to look confused, his head tilted to the side as he looked up towards Eddie.

“Why would you think that?”

“You said that you wanted a kid of your own, and I can’t give that to you!”

Buck’s eyes widened as Eddie spoke, eventually a slight smile appearing as he realised what had happened.

“And you didn’t listen past that? Eddie, you should know that you and Chris are all I need, or want.”

Begrudgingly, Eddie smiled slightly too.

“Yeah I should have, shouldn’t I?”

Buck stood up and made his way to where Eddie was standing, pulling him tight.

“I’m so glad I didn’t lose you,” Buck murmured, speaking softly into Eddie’s shoulder, his eyes welling up slightly with relief and joy.

“I love you, Buck.”

Eddie smiled as he said that, but before Buck was able to say it back, the bell began to ring out through the station, causing them to pull apart, rolling their eyes.

As they raced down the stairs to meet with the rest of the team, they were greeted with a grateful chorus of cheers from their friends.

They grinned, and Buck lent over to kiss Eddie on his cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, we know, you’re back together, but please, do not subject us to your ridiculous PDA. We do not need to see that.”

#911 #911 fox #buddie #buck #eddie diaz #evan buckley #henrietta wilson #howard han #chimney #911 tv #fanfic #buddie fanfiction #fanfiction #911 fanfic